#to me this is why gabriel falls in love. that he was given himself back fully and without a god

[cherubchoirs]

REALLY got hit with the line "Now this is a fight worthy of God's Will" and I need to talk about its significance, because it was always interesting to me that it's spoken by Gabriel as the Apostate of Hate. It comes in the second half of the fight in Heresy and while that one is incredibly interesting for the character development it shows in Gabriel, I’ve been thinking more and more about the encounter in Gluttony and just how the two are linked together. I discussed Gabriel’s nature as a warrior in detail here, but in short, he is a being made to fight for God, the battlefield being a holy place for him and where he fully connects to himself as an angel and to God as he fulfills his service to Him. It lights the divine spark within him, it is what causes his passion to burn fully bright and he is completely Gabriel, the Strength of God, in those moments. So where must he be when V1 meets him within Gluttony, what can he be feeling when he has fought thousands upon thousands of machines? There is no honor in these battles, there is no real victory, and Gabriel is growing dull, numb, devoid of any meaning. The machines are beneath him, they offer no challenge and they lack the capacity to recognize him as the angelic warrior that he is. His knightly virtue is smothered, stagnant, his very soul bled dry by mindless engagement after mindless engagement. He is totally disconnected from the self, an angel without their divine purpose and instead acting as a punch clock exterminator.

When V1 arrives, it’s the same despite a flashy entrance – He is more mechanical than his opponent, relying on automatic, rote tactics and repetitive maneuvers. He gets away with it for a bit, so thoughtless that he even pauses in his taunts as his pride dimly flickers to life, V1’s own movements clumsy and poorly timed due to facing an angel for the first time. But V1 is fully engaged, V1 is tuned to every movement that Gabriel makes, the data he nearly hand feeds it – every second its AI is learning, devouring each pattern and quickly mapping out Gabriel’s now own mindless motions. Soon, it’s landing hits, soon he isn’t, soon something starts to feel off. Halfway through the battle, something is wrong. It clicks for Gabriel when he begins to bleed and it seems V1 isn’t harmed. It’s still the same machine? How long had they been fighting? Confusion overwhelms him as he attempts strike after strike and V1 dodges with ease, why can’t he hit it? Why is it still here? The only answer he can flail for is anger, to burst into a rage when the battle refuses to bend to his will, to end. He had gotten sloppy, lazy. Battle, the one thing that connected him directly to God, that was his divine purpose and made him Gabriel, has become so automatic he’s blocking it out. The fire is gone. It enrages him, he flies into a fury at V1, this stupid robot that won’t die and becomes the avatar of his dead passion. A corpse with a pulse, an angel reduced to pantomiming the purpose God gave him against endless mechanical dolls, why, why, what’s happened to him? Nothing is real, he realizes he can’t remember any of the fights he’s had against these machines and his hands have been empty of his true, heaven-forged swords for each one of them. And in his rage, in his furious motions, as he’s consumed with how pointless and ridiculous he looks fighting this minuscule machine, his body falls to the floor, bleeding. His wings support his weight no longer, and every muscle refuses to obey him. He’s lost. Everything is empty, he shouts and throws a fit in utter shock, but has he truly burned down to ash?

And when he returns in Heresy, he is choked with his own anger, his grief, at his failure but too at his total loss of connection to himself, to his God. God, now dead in reality and dead in his own soul. There is nothing left, and so he doesn’t even have a choice in becoming an apostate angel, God is dead and he can no longer even feel him. V1 enters as the avatar of that loss, burns in his mind as a last desperate attempt to claw back the shreds of what’s left of Gabriel and he initially believes he must kill it to do so. To know God’s warrior isn’t fully burned away. But then a change happens again halfway through the battle, that primal spark lights and his wings bloom into brilliant gold and indigo, ecstatic. He is wielding his swords once more, they form into his hands and he is bleeding despite pouring what’s left of his strength and passion into this last battle. V1 meets him, it learns every second and it dances in perfect time with him, a true, real battle, after all the years of the Council bleeding that passion dry. “Now this is a battle worthy of God’s will” he shouts as a man risen from the dead – V1 lights him again as the angel he had forgotten he was even with the light now torn from him, his identity is restored even as he falls and V1 moves him as God once moved him – it changes one last time into the avatar of the God he lost. This is war, this is what he was handmade for...and it has been absent for so long. This machine restores him as Gabriel, returns his love and his passion and his divine ecstasy without the need for anything else – he is Gabriel once again even without God, without his light. It’s thrilling, exhilarating, what else could he do but fall in love when he is given his self back, when he is given the chance to be everything he is without being used by another?

[dalliancekay]

Why didn't Aziraphale tell Crowley everything...

...that Metatron told him? Why keep it in bits and pieces? Why panic so hard over what to say?

I think Aziraphale made a decision here. He will let Crowley decide. He will not tell him about his own, impossible choice. He must leave his beloved Earth. It's his punishment for helping Gabriel, for Armageddon, for not refusing the Arrangement for all of it. For putting Crowley, who he loves so much, in so much danger. He knew this day might come. It did.

But he decides not to tell Crowley the full truth. Not to tell Crowley that he is made to go. That he was given an ultimatum. A 'job' or death.

Because Crowley wasn't, isn't made to go. Metatron (probably) can't (or doesn't care enough) to do that (or prefers if Crowley stays)*. So Crowley can stay. He has a choice. And Aziraphale doesn't want to take this choice away from him.

He knows well that if he told Crowley he himself must leave, that he has no option but take the job; Crowley would follow no questions asked. Aziraphale is well aware how strongly Crowley feels about Heaven (not much differently than he himself feels after all).

He doesn't want to do what Metatron did to him. Make his beloved go to a place he despises.

So he resolves to 'tell him the good news' and see what he says.

But Crowley...

Crowley decides to take that moment and try to tell Aziraphale how much he ... how much he wants them to be a couple. To be together. To stay together. Finally. The things Aziraphale wanted to tell Crowley just mere hours earlier.

We watch Aziraphale's heart breaking in real time. He's so overcome, so confused over what to do...

He loves Crowley so much, he wants to tell him he wants to be together too, he can't possibly leave without...but how? How can he...now? What can he do? Say?

Aziraphale goes through all the emotions at higher than lightspeed but despite his own pain he holds back. He can't do this to Crowley. It wouldn't be fair. He couldn't... not like this.

Aziraphale carries with him an enormous amount of guilt. He feels guilty for the Arrangement, for Edinburgh, for 'Jim', for a thermos with holy water, for not being strong enough and keep his distance from the demon he adores and who he put in so much danger with his behaviour.

These are the flaws I'll allow for Aziraphale, his altruistic self-destruction, his misplaced guilt (as he feels responsible for things outside of his control, leading to completely unnecessary self-blame).

On one hand he knows Crowley values whatever freedoms he has:

Now and before too, even if they were limited by his own job.

On the other hand he feels overly responsible for the dangers Crowley himself has chosen by wanting to spend time with (and loving) Aziraphale.

So the whole Final 15 becomes a heartbreaking mess and they both want only the best for each other, and yet.

They have to be apart. Aziraphale must leave because staying would bring on some unspoken punishment, for himself and very likely Crowley too and Crowley refuses to go because he doesn't understand how can Aziraphale make this choice. AND YET

'Trust me' 'I do'

*IF Metatron is alot smarter than we think, than he knew Aziraphale will give Crowley a choice just as he knew Crowley will refuse it (and I still think Metatron knows something about Crowley's Fall that Aziraphale doesn't)

[youryurigoddess]

Aziraphale, Raphael, and other angelic names you should probably know

Yes, I’m digging out my oldest piece of Good Omens meta. If you’re one of the very few people who might remember it from my main blog or had followed me on Twitter before it was shared there last year, you should already get the gist of what’s going to come next. For the rest of you, this might serve as a nice warning of how true brainrot begins.

We will start at the very beginning: the name-giving. Since God has created the world with one word, in the Bible and related Jewish tradition names of things are considered of great importance. As the life-givers, they imbue meaning and power to those who bear them, and often lead them towards a certain predetermined path. The concept of true names in general is a global phenomenon, with traces of this belief to be found everywhere from Plato's Theory of Forms through Grimm’s fairytales and beyond, not only in religious, but also philosophical and anthropological context. Considering the vast number of options to choose from, coining a new name instead of just repeating someone else’s is certainly a choice.

Unsurprisingly, the one who came up with the name Aziraphale was Terry Pratchett, and according to an interview it was originally pronounced Aziraphael:

“It should be Azz-ear-raf-AE-el, but we got into the habit of pronouncing it Azz-ear-raf-ail, so I guess that’s the right way now.”

Don’t worry, we’ll get there in a moment. The second thing you need to remember from this interview is Terry’s answer to the question about the name’s origin:

“It was made up but… er… from real ingredients. [The name] Aziraphale could be shoved in a list of ‘real’ angels and would fit right in…”

Conveniently, I’ve already explained who he was and why he was so important in Judaism in one meta discussion on Tumblr, so I’ll be lazy and copy-paste my thoughts and expand them to add some details from other Abrahamic religions.

Before the Beginning, or the Angel of Love

Long story short, Libbiel was one of the archangels working with God on the creation of humans. The idea was opposed by some of them, especially the Angel of Truth, who was promptly cast down from Heaven to Earth (but promised to spring back out of the Earth eventually, don’t worry).

Unlike Michael and Gabriel, Libbiel (“God is my heart”) warned his angelic troops to accept the Ineffable Plan in advance and saved them from the Fall, which granted him God’s recognition and a new name, Raphael, the Rescuer, appointing him as the Angel of Healing (“God has healed”).

This seems to check out within the Good Omens universe: Aziraphale was involved in the Earth creation project before the rollout and had enough access to the human plans to see them with his own eyes and share this knowledge with the angel that eventually became Crowley.

He also appeared extremely anxious at the very mention of Crowley’s obligation to dissent and wanted to save him from any negative consequences even at the cost of interrupting the conversation he’s been enjoying so much.

We’ve noticed some peculiar reactions of Aziraphale to any mentions or acts of love, right? They usually involve reaching out to Crowley and might either suggest his feelings toward him or how physically overwhelmed he is with the very concept of love (or both, actually).

Interestingly, one of the official titles of archangel Raphael is Angel of Love. In Christianity he is considered a patron saint of happy meetings, matchmaking and marriage, and his healing powers involve especially eyes and… heart, in the context of both mental health and human love.

Raphael also has a canonical (at least in Catholicism) episode of playing a human matchmaker on God’s behalf in the Book of Tobit, in which he appears on Earth under the disguise of a man named Azariah. Aziraphale seems now like an obvious portmanteau for Azariah, Raphael’s alias used while disguising himself as a human, and Raphael, the name given to him by God as a commendation. An archangel embracing some humanity of his own volition.

Raphael’s color is sometimes mentioned as light blue, exactly like the light Aziraphale emits in the S2 opening sequence, and his symbol is a serpent (the ancient Caduceus, but I feel like at this point we can call him Crowley).

The angelic couple, or Zophiel and Barachiel

Remember that bit of Terry’s interview about real ingredients? Raphael’s backstory already seems complicated enough, but what if Aziraphale had not one, but two angelic prototypes? I happen to know one more angel — a cherub said to possess great feminine energy — whose story rings some alarm bells.

This is Jophiel (“The Beauty of God”) or Zophiel (“My Rock is God”, “Widom of God”, “God’s Rage”), believed to be a companion to the angel Metatron, regent of the Principalities and leader of the Cherubim, a heavenly protector — one of the child amulet angels.

In Jewish tradition Zophiel takes on the role of the guardian of the Torah as well as other books and knowledge itself, based on the fact that he was the one to guard the Tree of Knowledge and, armed with a flaming sword, drive Adam and Eve out of Eden. He also watched over Noah and his family during the Flood and was serving as an assistant to King Solomon when he spoke on Wisdom and wrote the books of Proverbs, Wisdom, and Ecclesiastes. In the Anglican tradition he is recognized as an archangel and typically depicted with a fiery sword in hand. The color belonging to Zophiel is yellow.

Lynn Fischer in “Angels of Love and Light: The Great Archangels & Their Divine Complements, the Archeiai” (November 1996) describes Zophiel as one who

“stirs the feelings through radiation of illumination and into aspiration … help in absorbing information and studying for and passing tests; dissolution of ignorance, pride, and narrow-mindedness; and exposure of wrongdoing in governments and corporations. Jophiel helps in fighting pollution, cleaning up our planet, and brings to [hu]mankind the gift of beauty. He also provides inspiration for artistic and intellectual thought providing help with artistic projects and to see the beautiful things around us.”

While this angel is mentioned in other works of fiction, Zophiel makes his most notable appearance in John Milton’s epic poem, Paradise Lost, as the warrior “cherubim with the swiftest wings” in the battle of Heaven, where he was believed to assist Michael as the standard bearer. He’s presented as a spy returning from a reconnaissance mission to the rebel camp, much in the way Aziraphale had infiltrated Hell and fooled its demons in the wake of Armageddon’t.

As Zaapiel derived from Za’ap (Hebrew) meaning rage, anger or storm, he is also recognised as the angel of storms and, under the variant Zafiel, the angel of rain. This might be the reason why Zophiel is traditionally associated with the archangel of lightning and thunder, Barachiel (“God’s Blessings” or “Lightning of God”, especially when transcribed as Barakiel or Baraqiel) — to the point of being mentioned as his partner or consort.

Barachiel is the angel of lightning, but also — as the name suggests — blessings. In Catholic iconography he is usually depicted with a staff, a basket of bread, or a rose, each petal of which is representing a blessing from God, tossed out as the angel pleases to bless people. He is the chief of guardian angels, but in particular watches over young children, and sometimes takes on the task of delivering the blessing of offspring to prospective parents.

Like Zophiel is believed to have taught humans languages and wisdom found in books, Barachiel is commonly revered as the angel who taught them astrology, the wisdom of the stars.

Nothing lasts forever

Raphaelic legends aren’t all fun and games, but also mention the less marketed aspect of being an archangel: signaling the Day of Judgment. In Christianity, this is usually assigned as another one of Gabriel’s jobs, but he’s on the run right now, isn’t he? Well, good news! In Islam, Raphael is called Israfil or Israfel and believed to be the angel who blows the trumpet to signal Qiyamah, a counterpart of the Christian Second Coming, instead. The fact that Aziraphale has taken over Gabriel’s position in Heaven might be much less coincidental than some think.

And it’s important to remember that this power is not only destructive — while the first blow will kill all creatures and creations, the second one will revive them and prepare for the Last Judgment (yes, the very same one that in Christian belief will be administered by Jesus with the help of Book of Life). Very much in line of what Adam, the Antichrist, has done with the help of a certain shoulder angel and shoulder demon.

This is exactly the sentiment found in the poem “Israfel” by Edgar Allen Poe. In a material world nothing is meant to last forever, which is a curse and a blessing. A curse because it means death and destruction; miracles may sustain a certain bookshop in its current form through millennia, but as a tombstone to the life they led instead of a home it once used to be. A blessing, because it also means change and a new beginning — as long as there’s enough life force to replace whatever is lost in the process.

Nothing on Earth lasts forever, but we should use it for inspiration, savor momentary bliss, and hold it in our hearts. Only Heaven and the passions of its angels (fallen or not) are truly eternal.

And we can expect at least two of them to keep loving each other beyond the human concept of time, perhaps in a nice cottage on the South Downs.

[halemerry]

hii first of all, i absolutely love your metas on GO s2! your breakdown of the last few minutes of ep6 was really insightful and i love you for your meta about aziraphale and his role as a protector - it is a very astute look into his character and motivations which not a lot of people acknowledge in their theories/speculation after s2.

more to the point of this ask: this is something i've been mulling over and is the only thing that still doesn't make sense to me in ep6. why is crowley so nonchalant, or at least not noticeably worried, about the metatron showing up to the bookshop (a space he is very protective of) and taking aziraphala away for a talk after aziraphale has already been threatened by micheal? throughout the whole season crowley has been extremely protective over aziraphale and is very much aware of the real danger he is in (re: the book of life). this is also right after crowley has returned from heaven and has learned what the metatron was willing to do to gabriel to ensure 'institutional integrity' and that much bigger plans were afoot. i find it hard to wrap my head around his calm demeanor when the metatron enters the scene and takes aziraphale away, even if it's supposedly for a harmless talk. i wonder if you have any thoughts/speculation about this?

(opps this got too long and rambling). i would love to hear your thought but ofc please don't feel pressured to answer :) love your posts about the season and i look forward to reading more from you. have a lovely day!

Hi!! Thank you so much! This ask has had me by the throat basically since you sent it. It sort of touches on some things I already wanted to write about so forgive me if this spirals a bit.

So in a lot of ways I think this is a question that can have a one word answer. But since I do wanna talk about the way the show gives us this answer I actually want to start with Nina. Specifically I want to start with the thing she tells Crowley as Aziraphale’s off with the Metatron.

“You’re the hard bitten one that can’t trust anyone ever again and Mr. Wherever He Is is the soft one that still believes in magic people being basically good and all that."

I’ve talked a little bit about this line before in my meta about the build up to the Confession here because I think it’s important to view from the perspective of how it preps Crowley for the following conversation he’s about to have. But, aside from that, I think it's really important because it's wrong. Nina is describing herself here, not Crowley. She’s projecting her own issues onto him and Aziraphale in the way that she perceives herself relating to them. Crowley himself is actually the one that calls out her trust issues for what they are explicitly. 

Nina doesn’t trust and she sees herself in Crowley far more than Aziraphale both in demeanor and aesthetic so she assumes he doesn’t trust either. But she has it backwards. Because Crowley isn’t hard bitten as much as someone who tries very hard to be perceived as such. And, most importantly in this specific context, Crowley actually trusts quite a bit.

And he nearly always has. Even as far as back as the Starmaker.

Just look at the way that the Starmaker and Aziraphale both talk about interacting with God. Aziraphale is nervous, anxious and pretty much immediately clocks that what the angel that would become Crowley is saying is going to get him into trouble. But the Starmaker? Even upset about the information he’s been given, he remains confident in the fact that it can’t hurt to ask a few questions. He trusts there to be no consequence for expressing an objection. He trusts that his opinion is valued. Even if he ends up wrong here there’s no inclination at all that he thinks his words will be taken inappropriately. And even the Fall itself doesn’t burn this out of him.

We see him trust Aziraphale, the cherub who was supposed to be guarding Eden from things like him, not to smite him on sight. And trusts him enough to not only have a conversation but express his own worries about his own actions. He then approaches Aziraphale like a friend at the Flood and makes no attempt to censor his horror at what is happening there.

Job is the first time we see Crowley act in a way that implies mistrust between them. This is the first time they’ve met since the Flood which I suspect is contributing to his reluctance to be honest with Aziraphale here. They fall into their roles and then very rapidly fall out of them. The fact Azriaphale reaches out to Crowley here is important. As is the moment where Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’s sure. After Aziraphale more or less agrees to be all in something changes. Crowley is surprisingly honest about his view on the world, mostly trusting Aziraphale not to use it against him. He places himself in front of a host of angels, trusting that Aziraphale would not expose him. And then later he’s even more honest, admitting to Aziraphale he’s lonely in an attempt to show solidarity.

The entire Arrangement could not exist without them trusting each other. Crowley’s pushing at Aziraphale’s boundaries is a constant exercise in trusting that Aziraphale will come around eventually - or that he at the very least isn’t about to weaponize the treacherous things Crowley is saying against him. As early as 1601 we see Aziraphale voicing active concern for Crowley's well being. We then see Crowley actively trust Aziraphale with both their safeties in 1941 - whether it’s trusting Azriaphale to save them from the bomb about to drop on them or trusting Aziraphale’s trust in him to not accidentally discorporate him during the bullet catch. They even explicitly talk about their mutual trust in this year during their shades of gray conversation.

During Armageddon Crowley shows up trusting that Aziraphale will help him fix this and once Aziraphale agrees never once seems to consider the idea that Aziraphale would hide anything from him (even when Aziraphale is actively doing so).

He also critically knows that Aziraphale tried to reach God and got himself discorporated as a consequence. And likely specifically knows that Aziraphale talked to the Metatron and came away from that conversation realizing that Heaven would not help him. It's worth noting whether Crowley knows this bit or not that in this conversation Aziraphale not only explicitly questions the Metatron's authority but also uses the conversation to extract information from the Metatron.

Aziraphale leaves this conversation with an active lie to the Metatron and attempts to call Crowley to tell him everything he knew. He then continually chooses Crowley over Heaven. They pick their own side and help stop the world from ending.

And then, all season, Aziraphale keeps proving that the trust Crowley has always had in him is well earned. Aziraphale, even more than Crowley himself, brings up ideas of 'us' and 'our side' and 'our car'.

Aziraphale openly talks negatively of Heaven. Not only does he agree with Crowley's disbelief that Heaven managed to stay in charge sending people like Muriel down, but he even goes a step further, implying that they perhaps never had control over earth in that way.

He also, most critically, immediately and without hesitation, tries to turn down the Metatron's offer to even have a conversation. Aziraphale, who has also just brought a group of archangels to order, reaffirms his lack of interest in Heaven right then and there in front of Crowley. Right when the Metatron has reaffirmed the threat of the Book of Life is out of play.

Crowley trusts Aziraphale. He always has. And more than ever lately Aziraphale has given him proof that he doesn't have to worry about where he allegiances lay.

But. It's also worth noting. I don't think Crowley is as chill as he maybe seems like he is. Yes, he's sprawled out and speaking casually here, but to some degree this is a bit of posturing. He's playing it cool and also not encroaching on the control Aziraphale has managed to wrangle on this situation. But he also doesn't just let them wander off either. As soon as they hit the door, Crowley is out of the chair and walking to the front of the shop to watch them leave through the window. He's keeping tabs as they walk away.

He then banishes Muriel and promptly starts to clean. Now I'm always a little wary to mix Book and Show canon, but I do think his cleaning of the bookshop (as well as him carrying around stacks of books while babysitting Jim) are manifestations of Book!Crowley's tendency to want to stress clean. He's keeping himself busy and gets done too quickly then promptly glances at his watch before throwing himself into the chair with a frustrated noise. He's anxious and stressed the entire time Aziraphale is out of his line of sight.

In other words, Crowley's not actually as calm as he's presenting himself to be. He's trying to take that nervous energy out in a way that doesn't conflict with giving Aziraphale agency. Because he trusts his angel. And that in part is why it hits him so hard when it all blows up in his face.

[vroomvroomwee]

I don't think enough people realise how incredible Aziraphale is.

He's always known how good and kind Crowley is. Even from the beginning. Now imagine being in his place, after meeting such a wonderful and sweet angel, and hearing that he's fallen, that he's evil and wicked. No wonder he was sceptical and on edge at the garden... except Crowley was still the same, chatty, witty, and funny angel he met before the beginning. Crowleys fall terrifies him because in his mind, if someone like that can get sent to Hell, then what hope is there for me?

So he learns just how thin the line is between being an angel and a demon, just how close he's cutting it, just how little it takes for him to fall as well.

In his eyes, Crowley's brilliant. He's resourceful, intelligent, capable, everything he wants to be. Everything he's told he should be. And it creates so much confusion in his mind. How can someone like that fall while I'm still here? And it doesn't help one single bit that he's falling in love with him.

Aziraphale isn't stupid. Despite what everyone says, he's very in tune with his emotions. So much so that Crowley fails to keep up with his logic and decision-making. He realises that he's falling in love with Crowley, and that causes panick in him. He's an angel. He's not supposed to fall for temptation.

So he has two options: try to prove to himself Crowley's good and therefore justify his own feelings, or to prove Crowley's evil, and that's why he fell. So... in a way, he does both.

Every time Crowley tries to convince him of his malice, Aziraphale proves him wrong, sees right through him. All the while constantly putting a wedge between them, of good and evil. "But, you, are fallen." "I'm good, you, are evil." Even though he knows deep down that's not the truth, which is precisely why he's saying it, he knows Crowley is good, just as he knows he himself isn't fully. And no one must ever find that out.

Not only is he keeping Crowley at a distance for his own safety, but also for Crowleys. Sacrificing both their happiness for each others safety. He knows precisely what Hell will do to him if they ever find out how kind he really is.

And it would be very very simple if he just stopped hanging out with Crowley, except... he can't. No matter how hard he tries he's always pulled back to him. And over time he's testing his limits, what can I do? Am I allowed to do this? Food? That's forbidden? The Arangement? etc.

And you can't really blame him for fearing Falling. Not just burning in boiling sulfur as each of his cells is being transformed in the most agonising way, but also having to spend eternity there as well as the humiliation and resentment he'll get from Heaven. "My lot don't send rude notes." he knows how horrible and terrifying it is down there, and he is all too aware how he won't be able to cope. Too weak, too mellow, too soft.

Crowleys kindness is constantly putting him on edge because he just can't understand why he's a demon. While angels like Gabriel and Michael, who always put him down, are apathetic towards humanity, are narcissistic and emotionless... are still up there. 6000 years he's spent wondering when his time will come. When he'll be pulled down to Hell.

He's so goddamn kind that it took him 6000 years to realise Heaven is not all that it should be. Kinder than Heaven could ever hope to be (and after the "stay back" from ep6 we can see how thay he is capable of being harsh and ruthless, which means he actively chooses to be kind, which makes him all the more extraordinary and astonishing for it). And I'm not even going to go into the strength it takes to manage to break out of the brainwashing that Heaven has done to him. Thousands of years of being humiliated, feeling worthless, not good enough, not angelic enough, not even appreciated. And despite all that feedback and ridicule, he's never given in, never relented, never let anyone modify or change him, has never lost his kindness, his softness, his generosity even after all that he's seen and been through. And that is so fucking incredible.

Validation and praise being at his fingertips, if only he could let go of his individuality, his uniqueness. Of himself. Thousands of years of it, and he has never surrendered to it. Never betrayed himself, kept his pride and his self-worth despite other people trying to rid him of it.

And he knows this. He's too clever not to. He knows just how thin the ice is he's standing on. Even at the beginning, which is not long after the Fall if I might point out, he's defying orders and keeping Adam and Eve safe, risking his own safety for the safety of others. And he still doesn't back down.

But he can't for the life of him keep away from Crowley. Because of how much love he has for him, how much affection. "He's risking his entire existence," and he'll do it again because that's who he is. (Not many people will put their lives on the line for the person that tried to annihilate them, completely destroy them in every plane of existence. Actually, no one ever will. Except him.)

He. Never. Backs. Down. Not from Armaggedon and not from the Second Coming.

It's not that he doesn't love Crowley enough, it's that he loves him too much. This is an angel so full of love that he's scattering himself, breaking himself, tearing himself apart, trying to give it to everyone. To Crowley, to humanity, to Earth. He's risking destruction for the things he loves. Both physically and emotionally. He would sacrifice his own happiness, his own future with Crowley just to save humanity. And he does it again and again and that is so fucking amazing, so fucking incredible that I don't believe such a selfless character exists in any other piece of media or television.

(Also, this is all mostly referring to his emotional strength, but let's not forget how he faced literal Satan and smote around 20 demons in just a matter of seconds.)

Edit: Just wanted to add what one of you pointed out in the comments.

Aziraphale realises that running away with Crowley isn't really a relaxing and peaceful life as Crowley thinks it is. Far away from humanity and it's pleasures that they both love and engage with, something that brought them close in the first place due to their shared love for it, and constantly on the run from Heaven and Hell. Aziraphale is doing this for Crowley, so that he can be happy, so that both of them can be together. Not only that but he offered Crowley his angel status back, since he thought that would make him happy again, since he hoped that he could one day see that same smile that Crowley had when they first met, that smile that he hasn't been able to bring back all these years.

Aziraphale is now in Heaven, the last place he wants to be, the place he barely escaped with his life from, a place that hates him, filled with angels that despise him and want to see him suffer or worse, and he's utterly and completely alone.

He's trying to save the entire universe alone.

Think about that for a little bit.

Edit 2: I think it's worth noting that Aziraphale isn't perfect. And that's the point. He doesn't need to be perfect. He's naive and gullible and sees the world in black and white. He still needs to learn, to grow, to deal with these things. Soon enough, he'll realise that despite all the hope he has that he could fix Heaven, it just can't be mended, something Crowley has learned a long time ago and desperately tries to shoe him. He'll realise the system is corrupt, and no matter how hard he tries, it won't change because it wasn't designed that way. And it just makes him all the more brilliant. He isn't perfect. He has flaws, and he makes mistakes. He's an angel, but he's the most human of them all. And he's incredible all the more for it.

[morganaspendragonss]

you only see the light shine in dark times

5.01 has apparently given me inspiration again we love to see it! enjoy! ao3 | 1k | 5.01 coda, angst and hurt/comfort

He’s grown used to it by now, to Carlos rushing off in the middle of lunch dates and coming home in the middle of the night. He’s grown used to the thousand-yard stares and the constant presence of that case looming over them. He’s grown used to sleeping alone.

But it still hurts. It still aches something deep within TK when he spends yet another night with only Lou Two for company. He could invite people over, the crew, his dad, but he doesn’t want them to know that this is what his life – his marriage – has become. They wouldn’t understand, and he thinks perhaps his dad would understand a little too well, which is an uncomfortable thought.

Not that his marriage is going to end up like his parents’. TK won’t let it. And he is proud of Carlos; deeply, wholly, overwhelmingly so. Seeing him on the news tonight, standing at the chief’s right hand, the youngest Ranger in the line-up by far, had sent a pulse of love and pride directly to TK’s heart, where it still sits, beating strongly away. He loves Carlos for his dedication to his work, and he wouldn’t have him any other way.

But he would have him at home.

The loft isn’t a big place, smaller even than his New York apartment, but right now it feels cavernous, yawning around him. He can almost hear the echo of his feet on the concrete as he sets Lou back in his tank and clears up for the night. The remaining peppers go in the fridge, alongside the leftovers of a dinner he’d made last night in the foolish hope that they could share a full meal together without worrying about call-outs or cases. Instead, TK had been left with too much chicken pasta and Carlos had eaten vending machine energy bars and peanuts.

TK doesn’t fully trust that he won’t do the same tonight, but there’s nothing he can do about it now, except leave the light by the window on. He imagines it’s a beacon, a sole light in the dark, and he imagines that Carlos can see it from his office all the way across town. 

Come home, he thinks, wishes, prays. Come home to me.

Even after he gets in bed, he always tries to stay up for a while, waiting to hear the door rolling along the tracks, Carlos shuffling about, the click of the lamp being turned off. It’s a rare occasion, but it’s happened once or twice, and TK likes to feign sleep until Carlos is finally settled next to him. Then, he’ll pretend to stir, just a little, and he’ll roll over to pull him close.

Tonight, as with most nights, he doesn’t make it, though he’s not sure what time it is when he finally falls asleep. All he knows is that it’s late and Carlos still hasn’t come home.

*

While nights are an ever rarer privilege, TK can usually count on at least a few minutes with his husband in the mornings. Which is why he panics this morning, when he wakes up not to Carlos in bed with him, but to coldness on the other side of the bed. It’s happened before when he’s overslept after a long or late shift, but yesterday’s was neither, and a quick glance at his phone tells him it’s not even seven yet. If Carlos hasn’t come home… But he has to have come home, because who will TK call now that Gabriel is gone? 

His phone is in his hand anyway before he’s managed to disentangle himself from the bedsheets, but it’s proved unnecessary a second later. The bedroom door slides open and Carlos appears on the other side, smiling despite the exhaustion lying heavy across his features. 

“Hey, I thought I heard you,” he says, coming to sit on the bed next to TK. He puts a hand on TK’s knee, his thumb rubbing gently across the skin. “You look upset, what’s going on?”

TK waits before answering. It’s a difficult question to answer these days; he can’t let Carlos know what’s really wrong because that… Well, that’s an argument he doesn’t want to have just yet. 

“Nothing,” he decides. “Just, weird dreams, you know. What time did you get in last night?”

Carlos’s expression shutters and he pulls his hand back, ostensibly to look at his watch. “Uhh, no idea. I stopped for something to eat on the way, so.”

“Good.”

The silence that falls between them is tense, awkward in a way it so rarely is between them. TK doesn’t know how to fix this, doesn’t know when it broke in the first place. It was gradual, cracks forming with every missed dinner and late night. Sometimes it feels like the only thing connecting them is that light by the window, left on as a sign that there is someone to come home to. 

Carlos sucks in a deep breath and TK turns to him, already knowing what he’ll say. 

“I was just about to head out, wanted to see you before I left. You should go back to sleep.” He pats TK’s knee again and makes to stand, but TK snatches his hand before he can fully pull away. 

“I’m awake now,” he tries, pouring as much love as he can into the words. “Maybe I can drive you to work, we can pick up some breakfast on the way? I’ll pick you up when you finish.”

Carlos smiles, but it’s small and regretful. “I already ate, and I don’t want to bother you on your day off.”

“It’s not–”

“Besides, I might stay late again,” Carlos interrupts. “I’m not sure, but I have to keep working on this, TK. I can’t– I couldn’t forgive myself if I stopped.”

TK nods. “I understand.”

And he does. He does. Still. His heart sinks as he lets go of Carlos, allowing him to stand up and leave.

“I’ll leave a light on for you,” he calls out as Carlos reaches the door. “I love you.”

Carlos turns back once, smiles. “Love you.”

Then he’s gone, and TK is alone again.

[knightofthesevenfandoms]

Now that you've watched s2, I'm very curious to hear your opinion about it as an honourable IB shipper

My feelings are very mixed, while their flashbacks were pretty cute, the "confession" scene felt TERRIBLE to me. Why would these two old bureaucrats sing a cheesy song at each other in front of their respective courts 😭 Why were they speaking like 13 year olds. The ending just ruined the relationship becoming canon :(

Really long answer incoming lol.

Okay so. Essentially, yes. It was jarring/cringe because it was so VASTLY different than the vibe of their relationship that I had built in my head the last four years. I've always thought of them quite a bit more mature, sometimes combative, and really fucking kinky. But I wouldn't say it ruined it for me, and I'll explain why.

Initially it seemed SO out of character, the lovey-dovey, almost childlike affection they had for each other. But it's exciting for me to consider what if this WAS in their characters all along, they were just never given the opportunity/felt safe enough to let that side of their personalities be seen. Which is HEARTBREAKING but there's some subtle evidence to back this up.

We all know Bee is an angry, annoyed, high ranking demon with a lot on their plate. Even Crowley said "because they're always such a ray of sunshine" to Shax because it seems common knowledge to all of Hell that Bee is, well... an angry little shit. But they ARE a ray of sunshine when they're with Gabe, away from hell, away from their daily stresses, away from the expectations of running Hell. LOOK AT THEM.

We saw a hint of this in S1, when they showed a moment of vulnerability. When? In front of Gabe, at the airbase. They can't show weakness in Hell because they can't weaken their position as Prince (Grand Duke?), but Gabriel is the only other being in the entire cosmos they feel is an equal, and they can therefore let their guard down like they did at the airbase, and like they do a little bit more at every meeting with Gabe following Armageddon. Until they were actually showing the real Bee- who is a little unsure, kind of quiet, and a worrier. I always headcanoned that Bee absolutely WAS soft, underneath all their posturing, but only ever in private and only ever with Gabe. AND THEN I WAS GIVEN THAT HOLY SHIT.

Okay now on to Gabe. I always headcanoned that after Armageddon, he fucking broke. He snapped. He was SO TIRED of working toward goals, leading the host of Heaven toward said goals, and then the biggest one of all ended up a failure and essentially it fell on his shoulders. And that's basically what did happen in canon! It started, just like it did for Bee, at the airbase, when it was all falling apart, he turned to the only being he could that would understand his frustration.

He was always the hard-ass boss, albeit an idiot and a dick, but the memory wipe proved there was a sweetheart in there somewhere. Before the season aired, I assumed the memory wipe was what would show Gabe the error of his ways, and he would learn to be gentle and generous and loving through that trial. But it turns out HE ALREADY LEARNED IT BY THE TIME OF THE MEMORY WIPE.

Heaven seems so cold and lonely, and my god the scene where he says no one had ever given him anything. My heart ached for him. Heaven didn't even give him a desk. MURIEL, a 37th order, was given a desk but he wasn't. Away from the cold sterility of Heaven and his obligations, he heard Bee say they liked something, and he realized how happy their enjoyment made him. So he decided he liked it too. He never got to enjoy things (other than clothes), or his time around others, and Bee provided him that escape, simply by saying "I like this song." And then he miracled the song to play because he wanted to make someone, other than himself, happy. And he was ready to swan dive into Hell, give up the clothes he loved, because he knew he'd be okay, he and Bee would be okay if they were together.

Yes, their relationship is way different than I pictured it would be. But I'm framing it instead of being ooc, maybe we weren't seeing the real Gabe and Bee in S1. We were just seeing them as the result of their respective situations.

And the confession, to me, was used as a juxtaposition for the husbands confession, which uh. Did not go nearly as well.

So yeah, the singing to each other and their soft, innocent affection was cringe. But Bureaucracy has always been cringe, Bee is a gremlin and Gabe is an idiot. I'm looking forward to exploring their new dynamic in fic, and maybe filling some of the gaps that took them from where they were to where they are now.

[kazhons]

on Job, God & Crowley's fall

it took me 5 rewatches of good omens to realize this.

Crowley is, in S2E2 seeing how Job, a human, is allowed to ask questions with no consequences. Job is doing the exact same thing Crowley did before his fall, and he's not being punished like Crowley was.

"was my pain worth anything at all?"

let's just think about it, Crowley who loved creating stars, who was innocent, full of light and who was cast out for loving his starts too much. for wanting them to be eternal, for simply asking questions, got punished for eternity by something he did out of love and innocence.

he who loved, found himself in a pit of boiling sulfur, punished for doing the same thing a mere human is now doing, in front of him. it must be awful, to wonder that maybe, if you had more faith, if you devoted yourself more, if you were more loyal, maybe you wouldn't have been punished. to think that he must have doubted everything about himself in that moment... ffs it haunts me. and i can't imagine how painful it must be to crowley, who had to spend most of his life alone, feeling out of place everywhere he goes, and who probably wonders every night what could've been different. why was he punished while others weren't. why is gabriel an archangel? why is any of the archangels still an angel? after everything they've done? why must he be cast out but not the others?

i imagine azi too must feel awfully guilty too. why is he himself still an angel? he has lied, to everyone, including to God Herself, why is he still an angel? why isn't Crowley an angel? all he ever did was ask questions.

and also, God gave everything back to Job after the test too. does crowley wonder? maybe if he remained loyal to God, he would've been given the opportunity to have it all back? maybe he did try, maybe he was loyal. I'm certain we haven't seen all of it, and it's exciting to think we might see more of it in s3! can't wait

this is vile btw I'm heartbroken. stop making pookie suffer he didn't do nun wrong

[nalyra-dreaming]

I think "childhood friends Lestat and Nicholas" is a little fandom exaggeration on when Nicki tells the story of the Witches Place in TVL. From his story, it just makes it seem like he and Lestat were in catechism class together (the priest was "teaching them their prayers" when they were taken to see the Witches Place). At best, that just makes it seem they were boys of the same age bracket at the time, not that they were friends or close in any way in childhood. Highly doubtful at the time, given Nicki would have lived in the village and his life would have been centered there, while Lestat's life was centered at his father's castle.

I don't think they were friends (totally aside from that trip with the priest), because, I mean, when Lestat has just met Nicolas it is Gabrielle who has to tell Lestat to go and make a friend of him:

"But why don't you go down to the town and make a friend of him? " she asked. "Why the hell should I do that? " I asked. "Lestat, really. Your brothers will hate it. And the old merchant will be beside himself with joy. His son and the Marquis's son. " "Those aren't good enough reasons. " "He's been to Paris, " she said. She watched me for a long moment. Then she went back to her book, brushing her hair now and then lazily. I watched her reading, hating it. I wanted to ask her how she was, if her cough was very bad that day. But I couldn't broach the subject to her. "Go on down and talk to him, Lestat, " she said, without another glance at me.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I love how they fall in love and run away. It's very "first love". But Lestat was neither immediately smitten nor a BFF before.

[nocturnes-hideout]

MCSM Gabriel x Ivor

Maybe I'm just looking in the wrong places, but I never see anything for my second favorite MCSM ship: Gabrivor. I see things for Harpvor (which is third favorite, I love it) and Ivoren (Soren x Ivor, which I completely see and understand, but am painfully ambivalent towards), but never this. So I'm going to scream my reasons for shipping it into the void for the stars to not hear.

So, a common piece of (for lack of a better word) evidence for Soren x Ivor is that, in playthroughs where you choose to save Gabriel from the Witherstorm and Petra is the one with memory loss, in the final battle, Soren runs away. And Ivor chases after him saying, "I can't let that idiot get himself killed!" However, if you choose to save Petra and Gabriel is the one that loses his memory, then Gabriel will run off and Ivor will follow him, saying "I can't let that idiot get himself killed!" So if it's a piece of evidence for Ivoren, then it's a piece of evidence for Gabrivor as well.

But I want to go back a bit. To Ivor confronting Gabriel at EnderCon and creating the Witherstorm. This is honestly what made me ship them, because they seemed like such bitter exes. And they are bitter exes: bitter ex-friends. (Also, people use Ivor and Soren's bitter ex-ness as evidence, so I can too.)

It for some reason always stuck out to me that it was Gabriel that Ivor went after. Soren was in hiding, so he obviously couldn't choose him. Magnus was a public figure, but he stayed locked up in his castle constantly fending off competitors, so it would have been more difficult. However, Ellegaard was a public figure and, sure, maybe she was harder to get to than Gabriel, but she wasn't that hard for the main characters to get to. And she does make public appearances at least every once in a while, the citizens of Redstonia know who she is. He could have easily had his Witherstorm spawning there.

Now perhaps this is because Gabriel was the Warrior, the fighter. If you want to prove the Order is a bunch of frauds, you would want to show that someone is bad at the thing they claim they're the best at. But it's not like Ellegaard is portrayed as a bad fighter in the stories, so people would probably believe that she could take down a wither(storm).

I think the real, in-universe reason is the amulet. Ivor said that he programed the Witherstorm to follow the amulet, and Gabriel was the one with the amulet, not Ellegaard or anyone else. However, the amulet wasn't necessary to Ivor's original plan. The original plan, before the Witherstorm went haywire and stopped listening to his commands, was just to spawn the wither, have it attack a bit, have everyone see that Gabriel couldn't defeat it, and then defeat it himself by either calling it back or using the potion. He didn't plan for the Witherstorm to become out of his control and cause so much destruction. So, given what we can piece together of his original plan, he could have done that with Ellegaard, and maybe Magnus as well. So why would he choose Gabriel, specifically? Did he have a particularly close relationship with him and felt more betrayed when Gabriel sided with Soren and lied than he did when the others agreed to the same thing?

Also, I want to focus on the amulet a bit more. Why is it in Gabriel's possession? Gabriel doesn't really seem to do all that much magic, that seems to be Ivor's thing. It's also unlikely that any Order member other than Ivor made the amulet. Soren calls it "the Order's amulet", but Ivor calls it "Gabriel's amulet". Considering Gabriel almost definitely didn't make it and Ivor almost definitely did, why would Ivor call it Gabriel's? Ivor doesn't like the rest of the Old Order, so if Gabriel took the amulet when or after Ivor left, then Ivor likely wouldn't respect Gabriel's claim to it and would instead say it's his. But Ivor respects Gabriel's claim to the amulet. The only way I can see Ivor respecting Gabriel's claim is if Ivor, before the big falling out, gave it to Gabriel. Perhaps he even made it for Gabriel so he could find the rest of them better. Or maybe he made it for the whole Order but at some point trusted Gabriel with its ownership. Either way, it would suggest that Gabriel and Ivor had some special relationship. It doesn't have to be romantic, but it could say something about just how close they were.

Some miscellaneous things: if you choose to save Petra and Gabriel loses his memory, he will greet Ivor with "Hello, my name is Gabriel". And Ivor says "Somebody pinch me" with an odd expression on his face. I honestly don't know what this means, but it means something.

No matter whether you tell Gabriel to lie or tell the truth, after speaking, he will look back at Ivor. If you tell Gabriel to keep the truth about the Old Order a secret, Ivor shakes his head very disapprovingly and disappointedly at him. And Gabriel looks very guilty and sorry. And quite possibly a bit hurt/sad at Ivor's reaction. And if you tell him to tell everyone the truth, Ivor will silently nod approvingly at him. He doesn't smile, he's not smug, and he's not angry. In fact, he looks almost... encouraging and apologetic (for a split second before we cut back to Gabriel). Gabriel looks sad, but not at Ivor's reaction like he is if he lies. Either way, Ivor's reaction seems to have an impact on and mean a great deal to Gabriel. No matter what, he will look back at Ivor to see his reaction and possibly communicate that he's sorry.

All of this to say: there are some peculiar things that, in conjunction with each other, hint at Gabriel and Ivor having had a particularly close relationship while they were still part of the Order together. And I now ship these two idiots. Tragic.

[minefield-of-a-ninja]

28 DAYS: FINAL CHAPTER

Summary: Dean Winchester is an addict and an alcoholic, a USMC veteran, a father, and an older brother. As Battalion Chief with Lawrence Fire & Medical, Dean comes under investigation when he makes a dangerous and impulsive decision, defying his superiors and abandoning the team he is supposed to lead. He is given the choice to go to rehab for 28 days or jail. His lawyer insists on rehab, and Dean begrudgingly abides.

Characters in this chapter: Dean Winchester, Mrs. Butters (mentioned), Jack Kline, Meg Masters, Billie Pilgrim, Pamela Barnes, Rowena Macleod, Gabriel, Crowley (seen but not heard), Missouri Mosely, Alex Jones (seen but not heard), Lydia, Emma Winchester, Benny Lafitte, Castiel Novak, Bobby Singer, Ellen Harvelle, Casey Wood, Jo Harvelle/Victor Henriksen/Nick Iblis/Zeke Gadreel (mentioned), Sam and Jess Winchester (mentioned), Tessa Porter

Warnings/tags for this chapter: if you've read this far, you're golden xox

Words in this chapter: 5K

Author's note: Cute Sparkle Gryphon Meme

Emma driving is for @stusbunker. Love you, sis.

Thank you to Stu and to my 12yr ride or die @brrose-apothecary for read-throughs and late-night convos and for being my friends.

CHAPTER TEN

A week to the day before Dean is to be released, he and the others say goodbye to Jack. Mrs. Butters in the kitchen helps Dean bake and decorate a cake with a very cool screen print of Red Hood that Pamela found online, and Meg commandeers Jack's phone to add Pamela's, Dean's, and her own contact info to his address book.

"Hope you don't mind if I call you sometime, kid," Dean mutters. 

There's a tight, heavy knot in his chest that he can't loosen. He wants to keep in touch with Jack so he can celebrate his successes. He doesn't want to be the old Dean who keeps in touch out of fear that Jack will stumble with no one around to catch him.

But deeply woven within that knot is an intense foreboding, stoking Dean's fear of letting Jack walk out the door.

"Of course," Jack answers, distracted by his pinging phone, telling him his Uber is one minute down the street. "I'll text you."

Dean nods and chews his lip. "We can trade me-mes," he says, watching the kid not watch him. 

Dean has to actively restrain himself from pushing the flop of hair from across Jack's forehead and demanding the kid's attention. The knot spirals around his organs and rib cage into his gut.

"Meme," Meg says, trying to help Jack straighten the strap of his bag.

"What?" Dean asks.

"It's pronounced meme. Like theme," Meg answers, stepping back into place next to him.

Dean shakes his head as his heart jolts and dives at the sight of the white Honda pulling up in front of the big glass doors.

"Good luck, Jacky." Rowena appears at Dean's other side, looping an arm through the crook of Dean's elbow. "We'll miss you, sweet boy."

Meg mirrors Rowena, hooking her arm through Dean's. Dean drops his chin to his chest with a sigh, realizing how transparent his anxiety is to his friends.

"Ciao, baby," Meg bids the teenager a farewell, watching him stumble over his own sneakers toward the door.

"Bye, guys," Jack calls with a wave. "And thanks for the cake; it was really good!"

And then he's gone.

Dean starts a list of everyone with whom he needs to make amends. Emma's at the top of that list, so he always remembers how far he's come and can fall.

Castiel is the closest second.

Before Emma walked in on him with Max and Anna last year, Dean could sleep at night by telling himself he hadn't imposed on anyone or lied, cheated, or stolen. He told himself that he cleaned up his own messes and that he was just fine with death, closure, and a whole fuckin' bottle of Jack. 

Then he broke his little girl's heart. 

"Do you think you were trying to prove something to Castiel that day?" Billie asked.

"I think you know what I was doin'. Why don't you tell me what I was tryna prove?"

Billie was right as usual; Dean wanted to prove to Cas that he wasn't worthy of Cas's respect. Dean knew that kid was going to die if someone didn't go in there — and probably even if someone did — and he decided to be the kamikaze pilot because fuck everybody who still had faith in him; he wasn't worth their concern.

"The list!" Meg plops into a seat next to him with two cups of coffee. "Dean Bean, that list is hella long. You should pare it back for your first round."

She takes a sip of her coffee, handing him his as she peers over the rim of her cup.

Dean chuckles, shaking his head. "Every single person I think of makes my stomach hurt."

"Did you show it to Billie yet?" Meg slides her stocking feet into Dean's lap.

"Not yet. Meetin' with her in 10." He twists in his seat to accommodate her.

Meg nods. "Drink your coffee and keep me entertained ‘til you gotta go."

She burrows into her seat with an impish grin, and Dean smirks back as he sets to work, kneading her heels and thumbing the knotted muscles in her arches.

Four days after Jack, Meg is discharged. Pamela decides to stay beyond her discharge date for extra support from Billie and Cain. 

After their morning hike, Meg and Pamela say their goodbyes, and Pamela heads to Billie's office to plan another family session for the coming weekend. 

Dean waits with Meg for her sister Dani's arrival. Meg is keyed up and wide-eyed in the best way. Her fresh face is framed with braids on either side, compliments of Pamela, her sky blue backpack secured over her (Dean's) too-big hoodie, scuffed-up but neatly tied hiking boots, and softly worn jeans. 

Dean thinks she looks like she's headed off to college with her entire life ahead of her, and he thinks that look is fitting as fuck.

"I put Dani's number in your phone; she still has a landline." Meg rolls her eyes as she absently twists the straps of her backpack.

Mere days before Meg was admitted to rehab, Dani inherited their childhood home and land after months of legal battles surrounding the farm. After she and Meg made amends, they planned to renovate the old farmhouse together. Meg told Dean how thankful she is to have the project to keep her on her toes, not to mention her adopted niece Kaia. 

Meg's phone chimes with a text from Dani.

"She's just around the corner," Meg breathes, flicking her eyes to meet Dean's. "Three days?"

"You got it, sister." Dean pulls her in for a hug. "I'll be outta here, and we'll be 2.1 together. Right?"

"Right."

Last week, Dean and Meg realized that they had grown up less than 10 miles apart. There's not even one excuse Dean can think of to not continue their morning hikes and coffee at least once a week, and he can't wait to witness Meg's inevitable bloom outside this place. 

He sees Dani pull up and releases Meg. 

"Keep an eye on PB," Meg murmurs, pulling away and not quite meeting Dean's eyes.

Dean nods silently as Meg drops her gaze to her feet and shuffles toward the door.

"Goodbye, love!" Rowena calls from the lobby's catwalk, and Meg looks up with a wide grin and a wave.

"Take care, kiddo!" Gabe waves from beside Rowena, with Crowley lurking behind them both.

Dean wins Meg's gaze one last time before she finally climbs up inside her sister's Jeep. 

"How are you feeling about everything, Dean?" Billie asks.

He's nervous and excited, a little bit scared but mostly hopeful. He's determined to make amends with people and looks forward to seeing his little girl outside therapy and hugging his niece and nephew.

"Good," Dean answers.

Dean doesn't fool himself into believing he can repair all of his faults in 28 days. His provisional relationship with Billie was hard-won. He respects her knowledge and advice, but he'll never be open enough with her to tell her everything.

"Good," she replies. "Don't forget — 90 meetings in 90 days. Look for a sponsor..."

Billie rattles off the rules that Dean used to consider common sense. After the last few weeks, though, Dean has realized how bogus the phrase common sense is because so many people walk around without knowledge that Dean's taken for granted since he can remember knowing anything. The fact that that phrase masquerades itself as a universal truth is kind of bullshit, in Dean's opinion.

"Yeah, I remember: how long have they been sober; are they full of shit; do I like them—"

"You know I have to say these things, right?" Billie smirks and arches a brow.

Dean chuckles and nods. "Am I stealin' your thunder?"

Billie actually laughs.

The night before he leaves, Dean does all his laundry except his pajamas and packs his bag. He leaves the bag on what was Jack's bed six days ago, denying the 47th urge to call the kid because he promised himself he wouldn’t call Jack before Jack called him. 

In the dark of night, the emotions he accepted earlier at face value become garbled and daunting. He starts to see the edges of rational thought being peeled back by the demons lurking in his subconscious, slithering out to tell him that he's foolish and undeserving and will fail.

The sober experience of his darker cognition is fascinating and frightening. He takes a good chunk of time lying there, stunned to his core that he was ever blind enough to fall for this.

"Fuck off," he mutters as he rolls to his side. "I'm gettin' the fuck outta here and on with my life."

The next morning, Dean and Pamela go for a hike like usual. They have coffee, and she sits with him while he smokes.

"You gonna be OK?" he asks.

"What, without you and Megan, the 2.1 twins?"

Dean startles at Pamela's tone and arched brow.

He never meant for anyone, not even Crowley, to hear his and Meg's 2.1 mantras. It was never about their lack of faith in anyone else. It was always about their bond and shared need to hear it from the other one to get them through.

"You're not subtle, either of you," she drolls, shifting her gaze to the woods. 

"PB..."

"It's fine, Dean." She peeks back at him. "And, yes, I'll be fine, too. Once I get my ground legs back and earn more trust from my mother-in-law."

"Sammy can help, ya know," Dean reminds her of when Sam visited and heard her case. He told Dean on the spot that he wanted to help her, and Dean wasted no time relaying the message and ensuring Pamela had Sam's phone number and email address.

"He can, legally, and I'll call him." Pamela nods, keeping her eyes on the wooded area just beyond the deck where she and Dean had just walked and laughed. "But Jesse's mom hasn't let me forget for one second how much she doesn't trust me."

Dean doesn't take his eyes off Pamela's trembling profile. "Then make her."

Pamela blinks and inhales a stuttering breath before glancing over at Dean with watery eyes. She sniffles as she accepts Dean's open, outstretched hand to squeeze. 

"Thank you," she whispers, letting the tears fall. "I'm gonna miss you, ya little shit."

Dean laughs as he pulls her in for a hug.

At 12:25 PM, Pamela is seated on the desk, arching across the expanse to help Alex pick a dress for her sorority's spring formal, Rowena is explaining to Missouri the plot of the last murder mystery she starred in, and Gabriel is practically gnawing Dean's ear from the side of his head with small-talk. 

"Gabe?"

"Yeah, man," Gabe turns to face Dean head-on, cracking his knuckles and bouncing on his toes.

"I'm gonna need you to dial back the Tigger impression by at least five clicks, OK, because I'd like to be somewhat chill when my kid gets here to pick me up."

"Oh! Right. Yes." Gabe salutes Dean before shoving his hands in his pockets and turning back to watch the door. He mutters chill to himself a couple of times before the familiar deep blue BMW rolls up in front of the door.

"Oh, my word, look at that," Rowena marvels as she and Pamela join Dean and Gabe at the door. "The wee lass is all grown up! Ye must be so proud, Dean."

Dean nods. Emma's a gift that he'll work the rest of his life to deserve getting, and he'll always be proud of her. But his heart fumbles over the fact that he missed the milestone of being the one to teach her to drive.

Lydia steps out of the passenger side, waving from the curb.

"Well, go on," Pamela encourages Dean. "Get out there and show 'em what you're made of, Daddy."

Dean's heart swells to near bursting as he hugs everyone goodbye, including Missouri and Alex.

"You take good care of yourself, Dean Winchester," Missouri says with a kind Missouri smile.

"Yes, ma'am," he nods before scanning the faces of his friends and walking out the door into his future.

"How's the Casbah sound?" Lydia asks from the back seat.

Dean loves the Casbah, and Lydia knows that, but he can't answer her; he's too busy watching his baby girl drive a fucking car.

Lydia shifts forward as Emma signals, checks her mirrors, and carefully changes lanes. 

"Pretty wild, huh?" she mutters over Dean's shoulder. "Just yesterday, you were teaching her to ride a bike."

Dean huffs a small chuckle and nods his head. "Straight from a trike to a two-wheeler. No trainin’ wheels for my girl."

Emma rolls her eyes over a blush and a sheepish grin. "So. Casbah?"

"Casbah," Dean confirms with a grin of his own, turning his shaded gaze toward the horizon.

"Hi," he starts, glancing around a circle of people of all ages and walks of life. "I'm... Dean. And I'm an alcoholic and addict."

"Hi, Dean," from the crowd.

Dean nods and draws a deep breath, struggling to keep his head up and maintain eye contact with each person. Ugly fears and insecurities threaten his spirit, but he shoos them away.

"I'm 28 days sober, and I feel... good. Went to dinner with my little girl tonight. She and her mom're waitin' for me down the street at the ice cream place." 

The strangers in the circle fidget, mumble, and nod. The tension he feels is all about himself and his inability to just blend the fuck in. He knew doing this all over again with a new group of people would be hard. Then, his eyes land on a burly, bearded guy with clear blue eyes and an encouraging smile. He holds the man’s gaze like it’s a life raft.

“I’ve only been out a few hours, so I still have to call and apologize to everyone for fuckin’ up so bad.”

The man nods, shifting forward in interest. The kind of attention the man is giving him might make him feel like a bug under a microscope under other circumstances, but the man’s earnest compassion and engagement serve to embolden Dean.

“The first call’s the biggest, but they’ll all be tough. My buddy — my best friend and former boss — that’s kinda the eye of the storm. I think if I call him first, that’ll help me get through the others.”

It feels good to think out loud and strategize, knowing his audience has been there and done that. Dean’s especially keen to learn where his potential new friend has been.

After the meeting is done, Dean makes his way over to the man in question. There are two other people trying to talk to him, and Dean starts to worry that he’s one of those guys Billie told him about who accepts everyone’s sponsorship request for status or whatever.

“...I know someone I think’ll be a good fit f’you, Sorento. Lemme reach out and see when he might could grab a cuppa coffee.”

“Thanks, Benny. Never thought my sponsor’d fall off the wagon, ya know?”

“I hear ya, brother, and I’m sorry. You take care, and I’ll get right back, ya hear?”

The taller, darker-skinned man nods before backing away, and the other person Dean thought was waiting to talk to Benny follows.

“Hey, Dean.” Benny smiles, extending a hand. “I’m Benny. Glad you could make it tonight.”

Dean nods, accepting Benny’s hand and shaking it. “Thanks, man. I appreciate your support.”

“You’ve got it, brother.” 

They chat about the ins and outs of meetings and sobriety for a few minutes until Dean realizes that Emma and Lydia are still waiting for him. 

“Well, I gotta go catch up with my daughter, but uh... thanks again.” 

Dean shifts his weight, having flashbacks to his teen years and the first time he asked someone out on a date.

“But I was wonderin’ if you were a sponsor to anyone else? Or... if you had room for one more?”

Benny smiles wide and bright. “It’d be an honor, Dean. What’s your number?”

On his first full day outside, at 9 AM, Dean starts dialing numbers.

"Hey, Cas," he pauses to cringe at the tremor in his too-eager voice. "It's uh... it's Dean."

There's a split second of silence, and Dean almost hangs up.

"I know, Dean. I have your contact in my phone with a picture of you and Claire from Thanksgiving."

The memory of that day is bittersweet to Dean for a dozen reasons, not the least of which was Claire's mental health at the time. She'd run away from home less than a week after her mom lost her months-long battle with ovarian cancer. Cas had just gotten Claire back and decided to have a small gathering at their home to celebrate her return.

Claire didn't feel like celebrating.

"He just doesn't understand," Claire whispered through the tears that Dean worked overtime to wipe away.

"Maybe he doesn't understand exactly how you feel, honey, but he does love you."

"Does he even miss her?" Her trembling lip broke Dean's heart all over again.

"I know he misses her. He loved your mom, Claire. So much."

"He's so... happy."

Dean nodded. "Yeah. 'Coz you're home. You're his little girl and his only family. Try to understand that." 

"Dean? Are you— are you there?"

Dean jolts from his reverie and shrugs off Cas's matter-of-fact mention of that day lest it gives his demons the upper hand again.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. I'm calling..." Dean takes a deep breath and looks out his kitchen window to watch a couple of squirrels chasing each other through the parking lot. 

"Cas, I'm sorry. You're my best friend, and I love and respect you, but I defied your order and endangered the team. I broke at least four laws that day and put you and the department under scrutiny 'coz of my own fucked up mess. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure out that I could help myself and that I'm worth helping, and to stop hurting other people."

Cas is quiet for longer this time. Dean yearns to fill the silence or turn back time or run away and hide. Instead, he breathes through it and waits for whatever response Cas gives him because this is sobriety.

"You made it.” Cas’s tone is full of pride and satisfaction.

Dean anticipated 17 scenarios, but this takes him off-guard. Before he can ask what he means, Cas fills in the blank.

"I read about rehab and the likelihood of people making it through their prescribed programs. The statistics are 30%—"

"Yeah, and my group was only seven people, so 30% is 2.1." Dean can't help but chuckle. Cas doesn't know about his and Meg’s joke, but it doesn't matter because Cas is family, and family just gets it. 

"Well, apart from the impossibility of the existence of .1 of a human being, it's good to hear your voice, Dean. I missed you."

Dean smiles so wide his face hurts. "Missed you too, man. How's Claire?"

Through Cas's heavy sigh, Dean can hear the smile in his voice. "Claire is Claire. She missed you as well. Once you're settled, we want you to come over for dinner."

Cas doesn't rebuke Dean. He doesn't rehash the past. He doesn't tell Dean he can't come back to work — because Cas knows that Dean already knows all of that, and neither of them has time for anything but catching up and reconnecting.

"I'd love it," Dean replies. "Thank you. For accepting my apology and letting me say what I needed."

"Always. I knew you'd make it and that our relationship would endure another shift. We will always be friends, Dean."

After his call with Cas, Dean calls Bobby and Ellen. They're less gracious than Cas with their acceptance, which doesn't surprise Dean.

"You were supposed to protect your team, Dean, not put them in danger!"

Dean doesn’t argue, and he doesn’t make excuses. He listens to Ellen yell and damn him to Hell until she’s crying so hard that Bobby takes the phone away from her.

As Ellen’s sobs fade in the distance, Bobby speaks. “How you holdin’ up, boy?”

“I’m good, Bobby. Thanks for takin’ my call.”

“Never wouldn’t,” Bobby answers. “Stay strong, kid. We both love ya; she just needs some time.”

“I love you, too, Bobby — both of ya.”

Jo flat-out blocks his call. Her resistance surprises him even less than her mother’s ire. He won’t give up on Jo, no matter how hard she makes it for him. He knows deep down that she hasn’t given up on him either.

Casey’s gasp is her answer. 

“Case.”

“You OK?”

“I am. Now.” 

He lets the memories of her soft, dark eyes and gentle, capable hands loving him more than he could bear carry him through the call.

“I’m sorry, Case. I hurt you so many times, and I never made it easy to be with me. You’re a beautiful, beautiful woman, whip fuckin’ smart, and so good.”

“We’ve been over this, Dean...”

Dean doesn’t cut in where she’s left a vacancy. He won’t take advantage of her anymore. He waits for her to pick up her thoughts. He wants her to say what she means.

And she does.

“Dean, I... I’ll never regret you or resent you.”

After a moment.

“Thank you,” she whispers, and Dean knows she’s crying.

He calls Victor, Nick, and Zeke, each awkward, compulsory, and hostile, respectively, but being uncomfortable is Dean’s new normal. And, for some reason, he kind of digs it. So, he’ll continue to make amends, no matter how it makes him feel.

After a week outside, Dean and Meg finally find a hiking trail they like and a coffee place they love before hitting the Lowe's Garden Center.

“Is this a joke?” Meg pokes at the limp lavender plant with indignation. “I can’t even believe they have this out for sale.”

“What do you care? We’re not here for lavender.” 

Dean wanders a few paces down the aisle. He’s never tended a plant in his life, so he researched and decided on a spider plant to start.

“Maybe I’m here for lavender.” Meg continues to inspect the small section of drooping topiaries.

Dean stops and glares at her over his shoulder. “You told me you wanted a buncha succulents. You said you wanted a ‘cool little terrarium’ or some shit.”

“Maybe I decided to also get lavender.” Meg shrugs, lifting one of the pathetic florals.

“Now that you’ve seen the stellar selection of lavender?” Dean arches a brow.

“Maybe I want a challenge,” she mutters, squatting with one plant to compare it to another.

“Maybe, maybe, maybe...” Dean rolls his eyes and turns smack into Castiel.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas!” Dean takes a step back, gripping Cas’s shoulders. He can’t believe his luck at seeing him while he’s with Meg.

“Hey, this is my friend, Meg.”

He motions to Meg, who is now sitting cross-legged on the ground with three dead plants in front of her. 

“Meg..." Dean snaps her to attention. "This is Cas.”

Meg blinks up at the men from where she sits on the ground. 

“Well. Hello, Cas.” 

She abandons her brief fascination to stand up and swipe her jeans and hands clean before shaking Castiel’s hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

The fire chief looks adorably confused as usual, as he takes her hand in his. “And I have heard nothing about you.”

Meg side-eyes Dean, and he almost laughs out loud. She’ll drag him later for not telling Castiel about her, but the only reason he didn’t was to let her show him herself.

“Whatcha here for, Cas?” Dean watches his friends reluctantly release each other’s grip.

“Tomato plants and strawberry plants. You know how much sun our side patio gets.”

Dean nods. Before he can reply, his phone buzzes with a text. It’s the notification he set for Pamela, and his gaze darts to Meg, who’s pulling her own phone from her back pocket.

“Hang on, Cas — got a message I need to look at.” Dean pulls his phone from his pocket. When he looks down, his world tilts.

Jack’s back.

“Fuck,” Dean mutters with a sigh before snagging Meg’s worried gaze.

“I take it you’ve received bad news?” Cas asks.

“Well, it ain’t good,” Dean replies, pocketing his phone. “Dinner Thursday?”

“Yes. Claire wants dumplings. I’ve had two failed trial runs making them, so it could be an... interesting meal.”

Meg snorts at Dean’s side, drawing his attention. “Cas’s a terrible cook.”

“No shit?” Meg exaggerates with her hands on her hips.

“I need to go — get the plants and ingredients for tonight’s test.”

Meg stifles a cackle, and Dean hip-checks her. “OK, well, lemme know if I can help with the dumplings, Cas.”

They say their goodbyes, and barely before Castiel is out of earshot, Meg starts in. 

"You didn't tell me your 'weird little friend Cas' was hot, Dean."

Dean chuckles and rolls his eyes. "I thought it was implied when I said you'd like him, Megan. Just gather your sad little flowers so we can go."

“Meh, I want succulents.” 

Dean spends the entire rest day bashing himself for waiting to call Jack. He wanted to give the kid space. He wanted to respect him, and... fuck, he can’t save everyone.

He calls Benny so he doesn’t drag Meg down his rabbit hole.

“Whaddaya want outta this, Dean? To call the kid and gloat?” Benny asks.

Dean cringes. “Is that what it sounds like?”

“Little bit.”

“Man, I’m not tryna be a martyr here; he’s a kid!” Dean really believes what he’s saying just as much as he tries to see what Benny sees.

“He’s a kid, but he ain’t yours, and he ain’t you. Remember your boundaries and your goals.”

Benny’s right, and Dean’s reminded of why he chose him to be his sponsor.

“Thanks, Benny. Thanks for takin’ my call, and thanks for being a great sponsor.” 

That night, Dean stumbles across something online that stuns him for a second. It’s labeled as Cute Gryphon Sparkle Meme. It’s a greyscale drawing of a cartoon gryphon with a sort of paint-by-number chart of how to color it based on your own interpretation of the instructions like “the color that best describes ‘cute’” and “the color that first comes to your head”.

Dean shares the link with Jack, hoping he gets his phone back soon so he can appreciate just how cute it is.

One month, eight hikes with Meg, and three trips to the garden center for more plants (because Dean has now decided that he fucking loves plants) later, a familiar, feminine voice jolts Dean from his reverie in the produce section.

“Dean?” 

He turns from where he’s filling his hand cart with all he needs for the guacamole he’s bringing to Sam and Jess’s tomorrow to find Tessa Porter.

“Tessa!” Dean smiles easily at her smile and how she moves closer to him without hesitation. 

She’s fresh-faced, her hair’s in a ponytail, and she’s wearing workout clothes. Dean drops three good-sized avocados into his basket and turns his back on the vegetables to focus on the woman facing him.

“You look great, Dean. How’ve you been?”

“Thanks! You just come from the gym? You look great, too. Not at all like you just worked out or anything, but fit. Like healthy. And glowing.”

He bites his tongue to stop from shoving his foot down his gullet.

Tessa grins and chuckles quietly, peeking into his basket. “Yoga class. Making some guac?”

Dean draws a breath and nods, looking down at his ingredients. “Yeah. My brother requested it for a cookout tomorrow. He says I make the best guac in three counties.”

Tessa tilts her head and purses her lips. “Hmm. I’ll have to try it sometime.” 

She snags Dean’s gaze, and he’s suddenly out of breath. 

Does she know what he did? Is she hitting on him? Have her eyes always been that color?

“Yeah. I’d uh... I’d like to make it for you sometime.”

Dean swears her irises change color as they stand there — honey to jade to turquoise to cerulean.

After a few beats, Tessa raises her eyebrows. “Are you going to ask me for my number?”

Dean blinks then chuckles, shaking his head. “I gotta ask somethin' else first — you know about rehab, right?”

Tessa nods. “I know. And I know you aren’t supposed to date right away, but... I’d like to be friends. If that’s OK? I’ve missed seeing you around, Dean.”

“Friends,” he echoes skeptically.

He and Tessa never discussed dating before because it would have been against department policy, but that didn’t stop him from flirting with her every chance he had. Still, they had a genuine connection — which is the real reason, even in Dean’s most reckless state, that he never crossed a line with her.

Tessa nods again. “For now — friends. Think you can handle that?”

Dean holds her soft, kaleidoscope gaze for a moment before shifting his basket to his other arm and reaching into his pocket for his phone. 

“Here.” He hands his unlocked phone to Tessa. “I would very much like it if you’d add yourself to my contacts so I can call ya sometime.”

Tessa grins again as she accepts the proffered device to quickly input her name and number. She flicks her eyes to his again as she hands him back his phone.

“I look forward to hearing from you. See you soon, Dean.”

Tessa looks him up and down before turning on her heel and sauntering away.

Dean’s eyes drop to the sway of her hips, and he shakes his head. 

“Hate sayin’ g’bye but love watchin’ her walk away,” he mutters under his breath with a hearty chuckle before heading to the aisle with chips and crackers, stifling the urge to Leprechaun kick next to the bananas.

Fifty-eight days sober feels pretty damn good.

Epilogue: coming soon

Please let me know what you think!

Series Masterlist | Dean Winchester Masterlist | MJ’s Masterlist

[laniakea314]

MAJOR GOOD OMENS SPOILERS!!!!!

Only read if you’ve seen season 2

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I rewatched season 2 and had a series of thoughts

We saw that heaven wants to start a 2nd Armageddon, but since the 1st one was (at least in part) prevented by Aziraphale and Crowley, what if the Metatron’s main purpose is to split them up because in order to prevent the Apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley have to work together? (which is also what Crowley tried to convince Aziraphale of in s1 ep1)

I’ll elaborate in a second, but first a few theories.

It’s possible that Crowley was the first supreme Archangel, the first Prince of Heaven. Maybe that’s why he didn’t mention his name during Aziracrow’s first meeting, has access to top secret files in heaven, and why the Metatron said (s2, ep6) that a disaster like Gabriel being cast out would constitute an institutional problem because such things aren’t supposed to happen twice. So Crowley’s fall could’ve been the first case, since we still don’t know much about his past. He fell because he questioned the authorities and Heaven’s will (a bit like how Gabriel votes against a 2nd Armageddon). Crowley isn’t evil, but he’s dangerous to the system, so they needed him out. But if he really used to be an archangel, it could explain why he said that he knows more about Aziraphale’s offer than he himself.

Also, a couple of times in this season we witness Crowley not recognising certain faces (like Furfur’s) he met in the past. But the Metatron? He immediately remembered him. Must’ve made quite an impression then. I don’t believe Crowley trusts the Metatron (he doesn’t trust Heaven in general tbh). And from that glance and suspicious miracle sound we hear when the Metatron turns to Crowley before going outside with Aziraphale in ep6, I believe the feeling is mutual.

Aziraphale is traumatised by 6000 years of religious gaslighting, and the Metatron is making use of that by telling him lots of nice words to lure him back in, cleverly taking advantage of Aziraphale’s great weakness, his love for Crowley.

However, it’s likely that he never wanted Crowley to come back to Heaven and work with Aziraphale. But he doesn’t see this offer as a risk, as if he already knew how everything would play out. That Aziraphale would take on the opportunity while Crowley would reject it, making them go separate ways. Which could be the Metatron’s true intention.

Some observations about the Metatron:

When we see him make an order at the coffee shop, he points out the name, “give me coffee or give me death”, and how predictable it was that people always chose the coffee and no one ever chose death. Key word here is “predictable”.

Could be farfetched, but what if this is foreshadowing, and the “coffee” stands for joining heaven, while “death” stands for remaining on earth, which would result in literal death once Heaven tries to start a 2nd apocalypse? It’s predictable that people would choose coffee. And Aziraphale does too.

Now about Muriel. The Metatron asks them to remain at the bookshop and that it was great they were reading a book, likely because he was already planning to leave the bookshop to them, as if he truly expected Aziraphale to follow him.

Maybe there was something wrong with the coffee, or the Metatron did some weird miracle to manipulate Aziraphale, or he is just super good at predicting people’s actions, but when the Metatron made Aziraphale the offer of becoming supreme archangel, he must’ve been VERY confident that Aziraphale would take it.

Tbh Aziraphale’s choice wasn’t so out of character. After all, he’s someone who sees the good in people, loves forgiveness and likes to get involved in tasks that require a certain level of responsibility (for ex. performing in a magic show, hosting the shop owner’s meeting…). So it makes sense that he would want to try to fix heaven, given the opportunity (since he knows that heaven can sometimes be cruel). Moreover, while Crowley might have come to peace with the possibility that everything - angels, demons, heaven and hell etc. (s2 ep1) - might be pointless, Aziraphale needs a purpose. For the majority of his life, it was supporting God’s will and the Great Plan, then it was stopping Armageddon. In the past years, he didn’t really have something like that. But a promotion to supreme archangel could restore that sense of purpose, by doing good and trying to turn things around in heaven.

Aziraphale loves Earth and he must have thought about the world’s well-being above everything when accepting the Metatron’s offer. And since the offer included making Crowley an angel again and working together in Heaven, how could he have said no?

(On the other hand, one of the things that makes me wonder whether Aziraphale’s decision was completely free: he was suspiciously quick to accept to work in an environment far away from the place he’s known for millennia, away from earthly delights like food, literature and music, and away from his beloved bookshop, leaving it in the hands of an angel he barely knows.)

Anyway, Aziraphale probably expected Crowley to be on board with the idea (given how happy he was to deliver the news) but Crowley turned the offer down, thus putting him before a very painful dilemma.

We know that Aziraphale is incredibly indecisive. While Crowley is sure of his beliefs and values and does as he pleases, for Aziraphale it’s always been much harder to stray from heaven’s expectations. Throughout the 6000 years he’s usually relied on what he believes God would want, even claiming that he was on “God’s side”. But Crowley has helped him understand and unwrap the hypocritical side of Heaven (like in the minisodes of ep 2 and 3), causing Aziraphale many interior moral conflicts. Aziraphale loves Crowley, but his inability to take a definite stance - whether it is between god’s or humanity’s interests, heaven or Crowley - is still compromising his loyalty towards his best and only true friend.

And many people have pointed out Aziraphale’s hesitation to reject Crowley, like when he held his back for a very brief moment during their kiss, or when he touched his own lips afterwards, as if to re-feel the kiss. Because of course he’s also in love with Crowley and wants to be with him but he’s so very indecisive and, on top of that, bad at communicating. Like, from the way he sold his offer to Crowley, it sounded as if they could only be together if they were both angels, that they had to do good deeds. And the “I forgive you” after the kiss?! What has Crowley done to him that would require forgiveness? The kiss? The fact that Crowley wanted to stay a demon, who by definition is unforgivable? Was that some sort of charitable response?

Aziraphale, ily but you shattered Crowley’s heart and everybody else’s too. What’s that poor demon supposed to think now?!

(Sorry for the rant)

And despite that, Crowley still waited for Aziraphale, hoping that he might change his mind. Before their talk, he was so excited about the “us time” and that long breakfast at the Ritz they were supposed to have, he even prepared to play “A nightingale sang in Barkley square” in the Bentley when they would drive there. He was finally ready to confess to the person he loves, after 6000 years!!! And then- and then… no nightingales 😭

Neil Gaiman did such a spectacular job on the whole season and especially the finale. It was absolutely brilliant, peak screenwriting, and so so heart-shattering.

There’s still so much to unpack but I wanted to add one more thought about Crowley.

Crowley has just poured out his heart, bared his soul to Aziraphale, mustered up the courage to unpack 6000 years of friendship, mutual trust, to confess that he wants to be with Aziraphale forever, be an “us”. He showed Aziraphale his most vulnerable side. After their break up, he’ll need a lot time to process his thoughts and feelings, because although they’ve fought before, it has never been like that. But even if the hurt, frustration and disappointment are unlikely to fade anytime soon, 6000 years can’t just be erased like that.

Crowley knows that Heaven can be dangerous, toxic and manipulative, and he has seen the records about Gabriel, seen how the other angels won’t hesitate to get rid of those who stand in the way of their ambitions. He’s seen the plans for a second Armageddon and knows that Aziraphale would be against it and that standing up for/ opposing that idea in Heaven would get him into serious trouble. Not to mention that Heaven is the very place that tried to kill Aziraphale in s1 ep6, and Crowley had front row seats in witnessing their cruelty.

So, knowing all that, Crowley wouldn’t just stand by and watch while he knows that Aziraphale is in danger, would he? (After all, rescuing Aziraphale makes him so happy…)

He probably wouldn’t do something right away, but I don’t think he’ll remain impassive to his beloved angel being in an unsafe situation for too long (he might even collaborate with Muriel, that would be fun to see again).

I don’t know if any of all that made sense but I just had to scream out my thoughts somewhere because GO2 left me with a LOT of them.

I love this show, the characters, the creators and actors with all my heart. I was super hyped for season 2 and it exceeded all my expectations

A HUGE THANK YOU TO NEIL GAIMAN AND EVERYONE INVOLVED ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[misc-obeyme]

I just went through your Oc Masterpost, and 2 Oc's of yours have captured my attention: Abraxas and Azrael. :000 Would you tell us more about them...?

OH.

Ahaha I'm always surprised when someone says they looked at my OC masterpost a;dsfkljfdsklj I don't know why it's linked right there in my pinned post??

But yeah, I still only have profiles for Arsenios and Ciaran. Everybody else has like... a single sentence of description. Just because I haven't gotten to them yet... I said I was gonna work on their profiles, but I still haven't oops. I'm working hard on Arrie's story right now, so as soon as it's done I'll get back into those profiles.

Anyway, in the meantime, I'm happy to talk about them, so yes of course I can tell you more! Thank you for asking!

Due to Arrie's story having a reaper OC that plays a huge role in it, I needed to work out some details about how the reapers operate. There really isn't a whole lot about this in canon, so I kinda just made up whatever seemed interesting to me.

And thus, Azrael became a character in the story. He's technically an angel, but he's like... the head of the reapers. Since Azrael is the angel of death, I thought it'd be interesting to have him be the source of all things reapers. Like maybe in the beginning, he was the one filling the role of reaper, going around and collecting souls all by himself. But then as humans multiplied (and demons came onto the scene and the possibility of angels dying also arose), it was too much for him to handle on his own. So he was given the power of creation. Limited, though, he can only create new reapers. Now we know that Thirteen has a sister, so in my au here, reapers can have kids. And most of the time, that's how they reproduce in order to keep up with increasing human populations in particular. So Azrael doesn't really need to create a whole lot of reapers anymore, but every once in a while he will if he thinks it's needed.

Azrael spends a lot more of his time keeping track of the reapers, assigning them to various locations in the three worlds, and kind of analyzing their soul collection data. He hates how boring all that is, though, so most of it falls to his assistant Stella who loves paperwork and she's really good at it.

Since Azrael is an angel, he sorta lives in the Celestial Realm. The issue was that the reapers need to be able to visit him, so the CR was like we don't want reapers just coming in and out of our gates all the time. So Azrael actually lives in his own dimension. It's a cave (you know 'cause the reaper caves right) and there's an entrance to it from the CR, but reapers also have their own special ways of getting to it.

When Azrael was given the power of creation, his general strength was considered to be too much for him to be "free." He's already got death, now he's got life, too? It was necessary, but it's considered dangerous. So he essentially has to be "contained" and that means he can't leave the cave he lives in. So Stella also kinda acts as his representative when needed.

I feel bad for him because he's super bored in that cave and I don't think he'd cause too much trouble if let loose. But I can't imagine the CR allowing an angel to have that much power without keeping them in check. He's actually pretty benevolent most of the time, even if he's also kinda... well, a little silly. Due to being the angel of death, he looks a lot darker and more ominous than most angels do. And there may be some argument for saying that he's not really an angel at all anymore, at least not fully. But his personality only reflects that if he needs to get all scary... which most of the time, he doesn't lol.

He gets visitors pretty regularly - obviously, the reapers often come to see him. Stella is there daily. Gabriel is close friends with him so they visit him a lot. And then when Abraxas shows up, he's got a demon friend, too. He's actually friends with Barbatos, too, but Barb isn't around as often.

As for Abraxas, I was thinking about all of this stuff and it occurred to me that if there were demons sent to the human world as part of the exchange program, then shouldn't there have been a demon sent to the reapers when Thirteen joined the program too? And that demon is Abraxas.

It turned out I had an actual use for him going there as part of Arrie's story and for that to make sense, I had to make him part of the band. But I kinda think that worked out.

Uh, so Arsenios is in a band in the Devildom and Abraxas used to be the bassist until he was chosen for the exchange program. (He finds a replacement for himself, which is a demon named Lael.)

I didn't think it likely that the reapers have a real legit reaper school, though. Thirteen makes it sound like she learned from following her sister around. And I also kinda think it sounds like something reapers just sorta know naturally.

So there isn't an actual school for Abraxas to attend, which means he's more of an intern that follows Stella around.

Abraxas himself is super cool. The name Abraxas isn't even exclusive to demons, it was just that it was used enough that Christians were like yeah sounds like a demon. Some sources say it's related to Abracadabra but there's no proof of that. There are also these interesting stones that often have the word on them that are referred to as the Abraxas stones. So due to this sort of muddled origin, I like to think of Abraxas as an especially mysterious demon whose entire power is based on confusion, especially when it comes to words and languages. Like he can easily make it so people can't understand each other even when they're speaking the same language, that kinda thing.

Despite that, he's a pretty friendly demon and he likes people and to experience new things. It turns out that he and Azrael get along amazingly well, which only causes Stella massive headaches. They've both got a streak of trickster in them.

Wow okay I rambled a lot, sorry about that lol. But this is the first time anyone has asked about either of these OCs and because I haven't created their profiles, I don't have any of this information anywhere.

Anyway, I hope that helps your curiosity! Feel free to ask any other questions about them or any of the OCs on the list! I really appreciate you asking, too. I have a lot of thoughts about all of them, of course, but I don't talk about them too much. So I appreciate the opportunity to ramble a bit lol.

[loveyoufictionally]

GOOD OMENS SEASON TWO SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!

Nina and Maggie were right Crowley and Aziraphale never say what they want to say even when they try, and why TikTok is wrong about the last episode.

I keep seeing people complain about Aziraphale not being in character during the last episode. And I think you guys are looking at the whole thing wrong. It is in character for Aziraphale, in fact I think it’s the most in character he could have been during this moment. I think Aziraphale has always wanted to run heaven with Crowley. He takes every moment to point out that Crowley isn’t evil, because he wants him to think better of himself, and Aziraphale likes being an Angel so of course he would want the being he’s in love with to serve with him. I think since that moment Crowley questions God while speaking to Aziraphale he began planning a future where questions could be asked and suggestions could be given. So when he suggests to Crowley that they work together and change Heaven together it’s him speaking his mind, Crowley had his “run away with me” moment last season it’s Aziraphale’s turn now. The issue is Aziraphale didn’t think about how Crowley fell, he isn’t thinking about how heart breaking it was for Crowley to fall, he doesn’t think about Crowley at all in the moment because he wasn’t given time, no Metatron told him to go and tell Crowley the good news, and because to an Angel being told they are welcome in Heaven is good news but to a demon who was high ranking as an Angel as Crowley was before being cast out for asking questions it’s not a blessing it’s an open invitation to more pain. Not to mention he just watched as another high Ranking Angel nearly be punished for saying, “No.” the same No he would say if he were in Gabriel’s position. (And yes Aziraphal did change the outcome for Gabriel, but ever heard of Anxiety?? Wouldn’t you be anxious about it too? Especially in the Angel’s playing field?) so Crowley says no, he refuses to run heaven and again suggests running away together but in the process he insults Aziraphale, he implies that he doesn’t know that Metatron is up to something “ineffable” this is when Aziraphale tries to tell him that in order for them to stop whatever is planned he needs Crowley, (just like when Crowley needed him in S1 to stop the apocalypse) but most importantly he knows that Metatron is up to something he just doesn’t care because he knows if he has Crowley by his side everything will be fine. But Crowley doesn’t want to work for heaven he wants the free will of humans. So this begs the question is the “I forgive you” over the “here’s what you’re missing” kiss, the refusing to be an Angel, or insulting him? Bonus is Aziraphale’s little smile in the lift a “Crowley always comes back” reassurance, a “i don’t needs a man” energy, or a fake it till you make it????

A summary: Maggie and Nina were right, they never say what they want to say.

[stars-after-dark]

Demons Were Always a Selfish Creature

SUMMARY:

It’s not the first time where saying no to Aziraphale hurts Crowley, but it’s the first time it hurts this bad. It rips his chest open and sears his wings, because for the first time, Crowley says no for himself. Crowley says no, and he isn’t turning back. Perhaps he was always destined to be a demon. Demons are a selfish creature after all.

This contains spoilers for Good Omens Season 2! It is tagged, but just in case if you missed it, here's your warning! The full ficlet is under the cut. Enjoy reading!

He kisses him. It’s awful. 

Crowley grabs Aziraphale’s jacket and pulls him in close, because actions speak louder than words, and spills his entire heart out to the one person who could have made everything right. And it’s far too late to pretend that none of them are interested in human whims when they’ve drunk themselves silly and allowed hands to linger on shoulders and wings to brush hair and cover each other. Touch, as a human, sings to the spirit. Speaks a thousand sentences where there is only one word. 

So Crowley does just that. He touches his Angel on the lips with his own lips. And it’s…

It’s a whisper that spreads too far. It’s a suggestion that reaches the wrong ear. It’s a nebula stripped from his hands and the smell of sulphur tainting his wings. 

It’s a final condemnation. It’s a second fall. 

The kiss is not an admission by any means. It’s ‘We could’ve been us, if only you knew what us is.’ It’s ‘We’re on our side.’ It’s ‘We carved this existence out for ourselves.’

Because this existence without you is lonely and full of grief. Because I can’t bear to be alone again. 

The kiss is acrid and bitter because of what it isn’t. It’s not I love you, or Why don’t you love me back? 

Crowley kisses Aziraphale, and he says: Why can’t you see me?

So when he is given ‘grace’ of all things, it’s as if he is struck by divine intervention. Everything is so much clearer and hurts so much deeper. 

What wrong has he done that warrants forgiveness?

How impure is he that Aziraphale longs for his readmission into Heaven? 

Is it so wrong to want to simply exist?

Crowley turns his back on Aziraphale, and he refuses to be abandoned again. If Aziraphale sees him as such a demon, he may as well embrace it. He’ll lead his lonely life through selfish gains and won’t even glance up at the evening sky towards the craft of his own hands. 

He’s followed Aziraphale as far as he can go. Now he has to follow himself. 

But, the Bentley has room for two. It’s not too late. Sometimes he just has to wait. He does go too fast for Azi after all.

But Aziraphale has marched as far as he can go, clearly, as Crowley watches him ascend back to his rightful place. 

Crowley starts the engine.

No matter. He’ll drive and will continue driving until he’s someplace far from London. Far from Heaven and Hell and Aziraphale, and that blasted bookshop and everything else that comes with it. He’ll drive and he’ll continue driving until he reaches the ends of the Earth, and maybe then enough time will have passed that he’ll feel somewhat full again, less empty and unloveable and hopeless.

He yells as he drives. Yells at all the lights that suddenly blink red as he approaches them, as if they’re telling him to turn back around and run back to him like always. He yells at the stupid pedestrians that choose to cross the zebra crossing when there’s a speeding Bentley hurtling towards them, forcing him to either emergency stop —which is far too strenuous on his car— or forcefully shift them out the way before he splatters them against the tarmac.

Most of all, he yells at Gabriel. That stupid bastard always seemed to get everything he always wanted with no struggle or strife. He was never banished from Heaven, he left on his own accord! Then, when he was found, the sly vixen was practically granted permission to go off and live his life with a Duke of Hell! 

If the Archangel-flaming-Gabriel could fall in love with the bloody-Beelzebub-Lord-of-the- Flies and run off together, why couldn’t Aziraphale and Crowley.

He slams his feet on the brakes down a long empty road and sighs. In the corner of his eye, he spots something orange. 

He ducks down and picks up what looks like an orange sweet by the passenger seat. He no longer feels it in him to be angry. Instead, he cries. Another human wile.

He eats the sweet, and it tastes just about as artificially orange as a sweet could get. It’s delicious.

There aren’t many places on Earth that Crowley hasn’t visited without Aziraphale, but they certainly do exist. So he gets his car back into gear, and with tears streaming down his face and a boiled sweet tucked into his cheek, he journeys on. Alone. Again.

He’s a demon, after all, voyaging with the world as far as he can go.

Loneliness is something he is well accustomed to.

[sweet-sammy-kisses]

A Frozen Hunter

Fandom: Supernatural Pairing: Dean/Sam Summary: Instead of doing the sane thing, Sam rents a freezers to keep Dean with him. Notes: Based off AA's latest tweets on hating Sam and the final this is based on the idea of Sam freezing Dean's body. This is pure crack.  Also on AO3

As Sam cradled the lifeless body of his brother, his lover, his soulmate, his everything Sam felt unmountable grief overtake him. This wasn't like the other times that he had lost Dean.

Not when Gabriel trapped him in that six months of hell when he lived without Dean or when Dean was ripped away from him and dragged to hell, or when he thought he lost him when they took out Dick. He ended up in purgatory - Sam had been so lost and broken without his anchor that he seriously thought he dreamed up his life with Amelia, some days he wishes he did - or when he carried Dean's lifeless body back to the bunker and placed him on their bed only for Dean to turn into a demon and run off with Crowley.

He had lost Dean to death too many times but this was the last time and he would keep his word and not bring him back.

Now while the sensible part of Sam, 99.9% screamed at Sam that he should honour Dean with a hunter funeral like they had given everyone else they had lost but 0.01% screamed at him that it wouldn't be right for him to mourn Dean, that it would be selfish of him to bury Dean without letting others say good-bye to him.

Now it was Sam's grief that had him listening to that small insane part of himself so he rented a freezer truck.

It took weeks before Jody, Donna, and Garth, the girls that Jody and Donna had adopted for some reason or another.

Sam was convinced that one of them had a dad who just wanted what was best for her and he had no clue why she was with Jody and Donna but it wasn't his issue.

Max and the real Alicia who Sam and Dean joined up with her ghost form to save her brother from falling into dark magic.

"Thank you for all being here." Sam stroke Mircale's fur as the dog cuddled into his leg. "As you know Dean was taken from us and though the smart thing to do would have been to give him a hunter's funeral right away instead of disgracing him and putting him into a freezer truck so the rest of you could say goodbye.

Donna wiped at her eyes with a tissue, "You did the right thing Sam and it is not at all weird that you carry your brother's dead body with you everywhere. Thank you for letting us say goodbye."

Sam felt his own eyes wield up with tears. "Thank you for understanding. Now I also want to inform you and Jody that I am giving you the Men of Letters bunker for you and your wayward daughters so that you have a place to actually train them in the history of hunting and monsters it is not like they are magically going to turn into perfect hunters that save hunters who have years and years of experience on them after a couple of hunts."

"Thank you Sam that is lovely." Jody smiled at him.

"You're welcome, Jody. Now it will take a while before Dean's body defrost enough for us to give him a hunter's funeral. I am going to go sit with him until such time." Sam gave them one last teary smile and went to sit by the love of his life.

"SAMMY!" Sam shot up in the bed he and Dean shared in heaven looking at his lover who was looking panicked and wide-eyed. Miracle who had been sleeping in his own bed in the perfect spot where the sun hit him any time he wanted let out a bark at being woken up at such an early hour.

"Sorry Miracle." Dean made a silent vow to take him on a longer walk than usual today. "Sammy, I need to know that you gave me a hunter's funeral and didn't care my body around in a freezer truck for weeks."

For a moment Sam could only stare at Dean, "I can promise you Dean I would never do something like that. I gave you a funeral like we have given others like we gave our parents. It was just me and Miracle there. I let Jody and the others know and we held a small wake for you but they knew that I needed to say goodbye to you alone."

Wrapping his arms around Sam Dean rested his forehead against Sam's, "Thank Jack, but remind me to talk to him about allowing nightmares in Heaven." Resting his hand on Sam's waist he gave him a sexy smirk, "Want to help drive those horrible thoughts from my head?"

Giving a small stretch Miracle climbed out of his bed he knew what his two humans were about to get up to and he had no desire to see it again. He was going to go find Jack, he gave him the best pets and treats when his humans got like that.

Dean and Sam didn't notice their fury friend leaving with Sam already underneath Dean and moaning as Dean's talented mouth and fingers got to work.