#to know we are the same age and have gone through so much but we're still growing and still getting stronger every day
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blackberry-sage-tea · 22 days ago
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Like, I hate Veilguard. This won't be a surprise to people who have followed me specifically for my Veilguard critical posts but I recognize I have gained a few followers since then, and those followers specifically followed me for Dorianposting with Veilguard gifs. Please don't take it personally that I hated it.
I didn't like the game mostly for its writing. I won't go into a long spiel because this post is not about that, but what I dislike about the game is mirrored in a lot of longtime DA fans who were disappointed with Veilguard, and it reflects a lot of the problems with the writing that the article touches on.
And I don't think "the DA team was mistreated" contradicts "the DA team wrote a terrible game", but…COME ON.
There's something so unjust about it. That EA and Bioware and the ME team came in at the end of development and said "this needs to be a serious and gripping narrative, fans want a serious and gripping narrative", and yes, they are correct, that's what we (fans like me) wanted and the game didn't have enough of it, but also like. As though the DA team didn't say this from the very start?
The very first version of Dragon Age 4 was going to be a serious and gripping narrative! It was going to have the worldbuilding we wanted, it was going to expand on the things we were interested in, it was probably going to have a million terrible and enraging plot points but it was going to be a Dragon Age game and it was going to have choices and conflict and everything fans of the series wanted. And it was NOT the DA team's fault that it wasn't that. Like maybe the people left behind at the end didn't know how to write a fantasy game but it wasn't their fault that they were the only people left.
Like, they argued over this. They were fired over this. People who had been with Bioware for YEARS resigned over this. The ones who were left were told to make it a multiplayer so they started designing a multiplayer. Then when they were probably half or even most of the way through making the multiplayer they were told to make it a "broad-appeal" singleplayer. Not even "restart development and make a singleplayer" but "take the game you were already making and turn it into a singleplayer". Do you know how insane this production standard is??? If you look at pretty much any other game, you are supposed to know what you are making BEFORE YOU START MAKING IT. It's like being told to paint a portrait, then told after you're done thumbnailing for the portrait to instead make an elaborate pastoral scene, and then told as you are layering paint on the canvas "actually we want a portrait".
And someone comes in and is like "why is this portrait in landscape orientation have you never made a game before in your life".
Like, yeah I get annoyed when I see comments from the DA writers that imply "this character was a two-dimensional caricature on purpose" but it's kind of like. Seeing the Mass Effect lead crowing about how "Mass Effect 5 isn't going to have a tone change like Dragon Age did" gives me the same fury, you know? Like, what do you know? You were the golden child. You got what you wanted when you asked for it.
I liked Mass Effect, but the second the story was over I stopped caring about it. Dragon Age is the thing that's endured. And the comment about the differences in ME team structure compared to Dragon Age? Yeah. I can see that. Dragon Age is a series comprised of multiple viewpoints and narratives. Sometimes this means that the narrative contradicts itself. Sometimes you have characters where you can tell they were handled with love and care by one writer only for the next one to completely change who they are. It is what it is. It's part of what makes the series so compelling and also what makes it so terrible. I'm going to miss it forever. I don't think we're ever getting it back even if they try to make another one because the people who made this series what it is, who understood what it was about, they're gone.
Anyway. I guess I'll just die mad about it.
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golden-cherry · 8 months ago
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deal - cl16 (42/?)
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader
Series Summary: Your whole life has gone to shit. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you just lost your job and the Monegasque, who suddenly stands in your doorway, claims that it’s his apartment.
Chapter Summary: The new bed is here! And Joris isn't happy about it!
Warnings: 18+ (mentions of sex), fluff
Word Count: 3.3k
series masterlist
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A/N: LETS GOOOOOOOO!!! FORZA FERRARI!!!
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“It was really nice of you to take the photos for Enzo and Charlotte,” Charles says as you both get into the car in the afternoon. He buckles up and starts the engine. 
“It's my job, after all,” you smile and make yourself comfortable in the passenger seat. 
Charles steers the car out of the driveway. "Well, actually it's your job to take pictures of me, not of my brother's engagement," he corrects you, for which you gently punch him on the shoulder. 
“I still enjoyed doing it,” you say. "I'm very happy for Enzo and Charlotte. They seem like the perfect couple.”
Charles purses his lips and nods. "They've been together for a long time. We were all wondering when he would finally pop the question. But I didn't think he'd actually do it during Christmas.”
You look at him. ”Why not?”
“I don't know,“ he replies, shrugging his shoulders. "I would have thought he would have done it in the summer, after a nice day on the boat and then maybe at dinner.”
You look at him. "Maybe he wanted to combine it with something nice – and Christmas is a celebration of love.” You can't help but grin. “And he didn't have to buy her a Christmas present, just a ring.”
Your roommate laughs. “Should I do the same to you next year? Just propose to you so I don't have to get you a gift?” 
You know it's a joke, but when the words leave his mouth, you feel warm. You roll your eyes in mock annoyance. “Absolutely not.”
The Monegasque steers the car through the streets of his home country. “And how should I propose then? Do you want a trip in a hot air balloon? At Times Square, where everyone is watching? Or at a Taylor Swift concert while she sings Love Story?”
You can't suppress a giggle. ”None of that, please.”
“Then tell me.” He reaches out and grabs your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. 
“Mmm. I've never really thought about it much. But I think I'd rather have a moment that's just for the two of us. Where no one else is watching, where we're on our own. No onlookers, no one to talk about it. Just the two of us – I think that would be perfect.”
Charles squeezes your hand twice. “Good to know.” He smiles at you briefly before looking back at the road. “By the way, I asked Pierre and Kika if they wanted to go to Lando's party with us tonight. I hope that was okay.”
“Absolutely. I feel like I haven't seen Kika in ages. But it was only – what – four days ago?” 
“I think so. They want to come around seven, so you two can get ready together and maybe have a drink.” 
Without thinking about it, you lean over and kiss his cheek. "You're the best, Charles." You can see the blush rising in his face, but you let it go uncommented.
“I know,” he says with a grin as he turns into the underground parking garage. When the car comes to a stop, you both get out and you press the elevator button while Charles takes your bags out of the trunk. 
“What are the parties like in Monaco?” you ask him as you both enter the elevator. ‘Do you have to dress particularly chic or does it depend on the club? How much money do I need to take with me? Is my ID card enough or do I need to take anything else?’ you bombard him with questions. 
Charles has to laugh. ”Haven't you ever been out partying?”
You shake your head and press the button for your floor. “Not in Monaco, no.”
The elevator doors close and you feel it transport you upwards. The Monegasque looks down at you. “The club where Lando's friend performs is chic, but not super chic. If you like –”
“Where the fuck have you been?” an angry Joris bellows at you as the elevator door opens. 
You almost have a heart attack from the shock, but Charles just looks at his best friend in confusion.
“Since when did you stop checking your cell phones? I've tried to reach you ten thousand times!” Joris's face is as red as a tomato as he snarls at you angrily and you get out of the elevator without saying a word. ”I was still asleep! And I didn't even get to eat breakfast!”
Charles puts your two bags down next to the apartment door. "And a good morning to you, Joris. How can I help you?” He walks past him, deeper into the apartment, Joris follows him, seething. You follow them in silence.
“How you can help me?” Joris asks snappishly, leaning on the kitchen worktop with his hands, before pointing at a few sheets in front of him with his index finger. “Next time you order furniture, at least be home when it's delivered, or leave your own cell phone number so they can call you if they ring the doorbell and you don't open it.” 
Charles opens his eyes wide. ”Our bed.”
Joris sneers. “This shitty bed has cost me valuable hours of sleep. And I certainly shouldn't have driven here.”
Charles can hardly keep a grin off his face as he turns around and opens the fridge. "How many bottles of wine did you drink yesterday?", he asks, placing eggs, vegetables and bacon on the counter in front of him. 
“Two.”
Your roommate gets a bowl and a pan out of a drawer before he starts to crack the eggs into them. “Did you throw up in your front yard?”
Joris rolls his eyes and watches as Charles prepares his hangover breakfast. "No.”
“Then congratulations,’ Charles grins. ”Then you had a successful Christmas.”
The omelette tastes so good that Joris's anger disappears with the first bite. He talks about Christmas dinner with his parents and his brother and the family vacation planned for next year, while he shovels the omelette into himself like a bulldozer. In between, Charles slides him coffee across the counter in a cup, but doesn't dare get closer to his hungry and hungover friend. 
“By the way, the bed is very nice,” Joris finally says, pushing the empty plate away. ‘You could have at least warned me.”
“I'm sorry,’ Charles apologizes with pursed lips. ”Are we friends again?”
Joris sighs. “Of course,” he smiles, getting up from his chair to embrace his oldest friend. They both pat each other on the back before letting go. “I have to go now. By the way, I gave the delivery man a €150 tip for kindly setting up the bed. Thank God you had some money lying around.”
Charles watches his friend go in the direction of the apartment door with confusion. “The setup was already included in the price.“
The photographer purses his lips. "At least they got a nice tip," he finally says, before leaving the apartment and leaving you two alone. 
Without saying a word, you take the dirty dishes and wash them in the sink while Charles puts your bags in the bedroom. When he returns, he stands directly behind you. You can feel the warmth of his skin through your clothes. 
“We also have a dishwasher, you know?” he whispers, laying his chin on your shoulder. His arms wrap around your middle, his chest pressing against your back. 
You nod and lean against him. “But we don't need to run the dishwasher for that,” you reply, breathing in as his hand slowly slides under your sweater. “It was very nice of you to make Joris breakfast, even though it's already afternoon.”
“Mm-hmm,” Charles hums softly. "It was the least I could do. It was really nice of him to come here to take delivery of the bed. I'd completely forgotten that I put down his cell phone number." 
“Joris is a good friend.”
“He is,” he murmurs and kisses your cheek. ‘But I prefer to have you lying in my new bed." He gently pulls you out of the kitchen towards the bedroom where the new bed is. Joris was even kind enough to make the bed; dark gray sheets are smoothly stretched over the mattress and you would love to snuggle up in them. 
“It looks incredibly cozy,“ you smile. 
“Come on.” Charles gently pushes you towards the bed. “I told you I wanted you in it.” He watches you with eagle eyes as you slowly crawl onto the bed and slip under the covers, putting your cell phone on the nightstand. As if you've been conditioned, you have to yawn. 
“The bed was definitely the right decision,” you smile and stretch your arms to fold them behind your head. "But it was definitely the wrong decision to trick me to get into it.”
“Why?’ your roommate chuckles. ”Too comfortable?”
“Definitely. I'd love to stay here forever.” You tap the empty side of the bed next to you. ”Come and try it out.”
Without wasting another moment, Charles circles the bed and lies down next to you. His arm wraps around your middle again and pulls you towards him so that your chests are touching. “I see your point. It is pretty comfortable.” His hand slides up your back under your sweater until it finds its place between your shoulder blades. 
You close your eyes and breathe out. “Do we have to go out partying tonight? I mean, can't we just order take-out and stay in?”
“Of course we could do that,” he smiles. 'But I highly doubt you want to cancel on Kika and Lando.”
You sigh. ‘We could invite everyone here," you suggest. ”The bed is big enough for all of us and –”
“Absolutely not,” he interrupts you and shakes his head vehemently. ‘The only ones allowed in this bed are already in it. Nobody else is allowed to snuggle up in the covers. Besides, I don't like the thought of you lying in a bed with Lando.”
You raise your hand and gently run your fingers through his brown curls. "Are you jealous?”
A deep growl escapes Charles' throat. “Maybe.”
You lean forward and kiss his stubbled cheek. ”You do know that Lando is the reason we're friends again, right? Because he called you when you were in Italy?”
“I am aware,“ he mumbles, pressing you closer. "Doesn't mean you have to share a bed, though.’ 
“You don't have to worry about that,” you grin. “There's only one man I want to share a bed with.” He looks at you with a raised eyebrow. “Don't worry, Charlie. You're the one I mean, of course.”
“Perfect.”
You lie in bed for a while, legs tangled and snuggled together. You gently run your fingers through his hair while his fingertips caress your back. Lying here with him feels so normal, so familiar, that you don't ever want to be in a bed without him again. 
“You still haven't answered my questions about tonight,” you say eventually, and your hand gently caresses the soft skin at the nape of his neck. 
Charles almost moans, his eyes closed. "I'll pay for you.”
“But I can pay for myself," you smile, even though he's not looking at you.
“Doesn't matter.” Your fingers pause in their movement. Charles fidgets a little, wanting for you to continue.
“You're about to fall asleep, Charlie," you giggle, but comply with his silent request. 
He moves closer to you and cuddles his face into the hollow between your jaw and your shoulder before taking a deep breath. “I'm not,” he replies softly. “But lying here with you is so comfortable.” He leisurely pulls at your sweater to reveal the skin on your neck and places feather-light kisses where your pulse is beating. Goosebumps spread across your body. 
“Charles...”
“Let's cancel on everyone,” he whispers, and his hand moves to your thigh to drape your leg over his hip so that you are literally pressed against each other, body to body. You feel his hardness against your clothed core. 
You sigh. “But you just said that we can't cancel,” you reply. “Besides, you already said yes to Lando and invited Pierre and Kika.”
“I don't care,” he breathes. “Let's be crappy friends and cancel at the last minute. I'm sure the others will understand.”
“What will they understand, hm? That the bed is so comfortable that we don't want to leave it?“ you ask him quietly. 
“That I'd rather be here in bed with you than standing in a crowded club.” His breath caresses your neck gently. “That I'd rather test out the new bed with you than yell at you over the loud music just to be able to talk to you.”
His words make your face heat up. You hope he doesn't notice. “Then we'd be very bad friends.”
“Then let's be very bad friends,” he grins against your neck before pressing a final kiss on your pulse. “We can make it up to them sometime. Just not today. Today I want you all to myself. Now that I finally have you back with me.”
You feel him press his boner against you and you absentmindedly tighten your leg around his waist. Your fingers gently press into his neck muscles and his breathy moans reach your ears. You can feel your arousal pool in your panties and you want to give in so bad. 
You want to stay home with him. In this bed. You want to repeat last night at his mom’s house, but this time the both of you would be able to show how much pleasure you give each other. You desperately want to hear him groan again, but now without the barrier of your hand on his mouth. You want to feel his cock against your pussy, sliding through your folds and gathering your juices. 
God, you want to repeat last night but without any clothes on. His cock nudging against your clit, sending jolts of electricity through your veins. His hands grabbing your ass and moving you over his length. You want to feel the the tip of his dick catching in your entrance before finally sliding in, stretching you deliciously. 
You want to fuck him so bad that it’s making you dizzy.
“What are you thinking about, mon amour?” Charles asks, pulling you out of your thoughts. 
Before you can answer him – which you don't really want to do anyway – your cell phone rings. The Monegasque reaches for it without hesitation, answers the call and puts the person on speakerphone. 
“Allo?”
“Hello, you two,“ Kika's voice sounds from your cell phone. ‘How are you? What are you doing?”
“We're testing my new bed,’ Charles replies with a grin, and you hide your face in the duvet. 
“You can't say that,” you say, reaching for your cell phone, but your roommate extends his arm so you can't get to it. 
“Why?“ Charles asks hypocritically. "It's true, isn't it?”
“Charles!”
Kika laughs loudly. "Should I call back in a minute? I don't want to disturb you guys doing whatever it is you're doing.”
“It's fine,” you call to her, although she would have understood you even if you had spoken normally. “What can I do for you?”
The Portuguese woman giggles. “I just wanted to ask what you would like to drink and what you are going to wear.”
You open your eyes wide. "Um, I have no idea. What do people wear in the clubs here?" You repeat the question you've already asked your roommate. 
“How about this?” She begins. "Pierre and I will come a little earlier and go through your closet together? The guys can play video games or something. And we'll get ready in peace and quiet."
You like her suggestion. ”That would be great.”
“Great. Pierre and I are going out for a quick shopping trip and want to buy some wine. You drink sweet, right? Then I'll bring you something.”
“Thanks!” you reply and with a big stretch you finally get to your phone in Charles's hand. "See you in a bit!" You hang up and put the phone back on the bedside table. When you turn to your friend, he's pouting. ”What's wrong?”
He turns on his back and crosses his arms over his chest, which is a little difficult considering your leg is still wrapped around his waist. “I was kind of hoping you'd cancel on them.”
A smile spreads across your face. You slide closer to him again and reach for his arms to separate them before you roll onto him. Your knees are next to his hips on the mattress and instinctively, his big hands find your ass. 
“I'm sorry, Charles,” you whisper, leaning down so that you are completely on top of him. Your elbows are next to his shoulders and your hands are finding their way into his hair again. ”We don't have to stay long.”
The Monegasque exhales. “As long as you promise me that we'll stay in bed tomorrow, that's okay with me.” When you purse your lips, he groans in annoyance and pushes his head back into the pillow. “Do I have to go to camp with Andrea tomorrow?”
You nod slightly. ”I'm afraid so.”
“That's terrible,” he complains, wrapping his arms around you. ”Then we won't see each other again until New Year's Eve! What will I do without you during that time?”
You don't want to think about spending the next few days without him, which is why you change the subject back to tonight. 
“How about this: Kika and Pierre are coming over soon and we'll party later with Lando and his DJ friend,” you begin your suggestion. 
Charles raises an eyebrow. ”I don't see any compromise I'm willing to make.”
You roll your eyes in mock exasperation. “Just let me finish. So - we're all going out to party in a bit, and when we get back home we can make ourselves comfortable in bed here, watch another movie and not get out of bed until noon tomorrow.”
“Do we have to be dressed to watch the movie?” he asks mischievously, and as you move to roll away from him, he turns you both so that he is now on top of you. He grabs your thighs and puts your legs back around his waist, and as he nestles against you, almost crushing you under his weight – which feels better than you care to admit. You feel his boner between your legs. 
“Charles,“ you moan softly as his cock softly nudges against your clothed clit. 
“Do we have to be dressed?” he repeats his question and slides his hand under your sweater, his fingers spreading over your sides. 
You breathe in his scent and bask in his warmth. “We don't have to,” you reply without giving a thought to what it means for you. But you couldn't care less about that right now. 
Charles's lips breathe light kisses on your neck. “Then it's a deal,” he whispers before withdrawing completely – leaving you high and dry. “Come on. Our friends will be here soon. And I doubt you'll want to be in our bed then. No matter how comfortable it is,“ he grins and leaves the bedroom. But as he walks through the door, you can still see him put his hand in his sweatpants to fix his erection. 
Somehow you're glad you have the same effect on him as he does on you. 
Hot blood courses through your veins when you think about how the evening will end. You would love to pull Charles back into bed, rip his clothes off and let him ravish you until you can't walk anymore. 
That will have to wait. 
But anticipation is half the fun.
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perseidlion · 9 months ago
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Streaming in Kaos
Well, it happened. I can't say that I'm surprised that KAOS has been cancelled by Netflix. I am a little surprised at the speed at which it was axed. Only a month after it aired, and it's already gone.
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That has me wondering if the decision to cancel was made before the show even aired. We have to remember that marketing is the biggest cost after production. If the Netflix brass looked at the show and either decided (through audience testing, AI stuff or just their own biases) that it wasn't going to be a Stranger Things-level hit, they probably chose at that moment to slash its marketing budget.
That meant there was pretty much no way that KAOS was ever going to hit the metrics Netflix required of it to get a season 2.
What makes me so angry about this (other than the survival of a show relying on peoples' biases or AI) is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you decide before a show is ever going to air that it won't be a success, then it probably won't be. If you rely on metrics and algorithms and AI to analyze art, you will never let something surprise you. You'll never let it grow. You'll never nurture the cult hits of the future or the next franchise.
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Netflix desperately needs people behind the scenes that believe in stories and potential over metrics. Nothing except the same old predictable dreck is ever going to be allowed to survive if you don't believe in the stories you're telling.
The networks and streamers have a huge problem on their hands. They need big hits and to build the franchises of the future to sustain their current model (which is horribly broken.) But people have franchise fatigue and aren't showing up for known IPs like they used to. The fact that Marvel content is definitely not a sure thing anymore is a huge canary in the coal mine for franchise fatigue. People aren't just tired of Marvel, they're tired of the existing worlds both on the big screen and the small one. Audiences are hungry for something new.
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It is telling that the most successful Marvel properties of the last few years have been the ones that do something different. Marvel is smart to finally pull out The X-Men because that is a breath of fresh air and something people are hungry to see more of.
There's pretty much no one behind the scenes (except for maybe AMC building The Immortal Universe) that is committing to really taking the time to build these new worlds. Marvel built the MCU by playing the long game. That paid dividends for a solid decade even if it's dropping off now. That empire was built not with nostalgia for existing IP (don't forget the MCU was built with B and C tier heroes) but with patience. Marvel itself seems to have forgotten this in recent years.
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Aside from that, I think people really want stories that aren't connected to a billion other things. That takes commitment on the part of the audience to follow and to get attached to. People WANT three to five excellent seasons of a show that tells its own story and isn't leaving threads out there for a dozen spinoffs. We're craving tight storytelling.
KAOS could have been that. Dead Boy Detectives could have been that. So could Our Flag Means Death, Lockwood and Co, Shadow and Bone, The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, Willow, and a dozen other shows with great potential or were excellent out of the gate.
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If you look at past metrics, you only learn what people used to like, not what they want now. People are notoriously bad about articulating what they want, but boy do they know it when they see it. Networks have to go back to having a dozen moderate successes instead of constantly churning through one-season shows that get axed and pissing off the people who did like it in a hamfisted attempt to stumble on the next big thing.
The networks desperately need to go back to believing in their shows. Instead, they keep cutting them off at the knees before they ever get a chance because some algorithm told them the numbers weren't there.
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confessedlyfannish · 2 years ago
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DP x DC Writing Prompt #9
"Are you sure about this?" J'onn asks, reading the discontent amongst the Kents. Clark and Lois each have a hand on their teenage son's shoulders, who several weeks prior was aged ten years old.
"We're sure," Clark says. He is not, nor is his wife. But his son is, who lays his hand on his mother's and squeezes. It is that surety that J'onn honors as he delves into the young (but not as young as he should be) man's mind.
The memories are hard to find but not gone, hidden behind what Jon can only see manifested as a glowing green wall. When he raises a tentative hand, the shield sparks green, but does no harm. Pushing through is like wading through the consistency of jello, which he finds an overall unpleasant experience. But he is unharmed as he passes through.
Before J'onn can sort through the memories he is all but sucked into the one at the forefront, where a Jon most similar in visage to the one recently returned perches on the edge of a building. Beside him lies a burger, partially unwrapped though uneaten, and a small soda.
As the memory builds out a sun sets on a small suburban town, and a muscled thigh knocks into Jon's, an older man with a shock of white hair and eyes the same light and color as the shield formed around these memories appearing. He's tall even sitting, likely about as tall as Superman, and looks to be in his thirties. A full body suit comprised of black and silver accents stretches across broad shoulders, a stylized D on his chest. He knocks his thigh into Jon's again.
"You said I couldn't go back," Jon says quietly.
"I lied," the man says lightly.
"You're lying now," Jon says, glaring at him. "I can hear your heart."
"Nice try, kiddo, I don't have a heart in this form," the man says, reaching a hand out, presumably to ruffle his hair. Jon dodges.
"I know you're lying. You would've told me. You would've helped me get home."
"Jon--"
"You're protecting Clockwork, aren't you?" Jon demands, eyes beginning to burn red. "That old coot decided it wasn't enough to play with you, he had to play with me too."
The man slaps a hand over Jon's eyes. "Breathe, like we practiced," he instructs firmly. Steam rises from where his palm meets Jon's eyes, but if it hurts he shows no indication. "In, 2, 3. Out, 2, 3."
Jon whimpers but heaves a breath, and the burst of red light dies down from between the man's fingers. His hand moves down to Jon's shoulder.
"I can't pretend to understand Clockwork's decisions," the man says, as tears begin to pool in Jon's eyes. "Frankly, I don't want to. I suspect they are hard decisions to make, sometimes."
"I don't get why you defend him," Jon says. "Dumbledore acting bastard."
"Language," the man says, lightly bopping him on the head. J'onn notes the boy actually winces, as if the blow hurts.
"I am upset with him, I hope you know that," the man continues. "But at the end of the day I'm also grateful. Because I got to meet you." He hooks an arm around Jon's shoulders, pulling him in. "And now you'll get to see your family again. And Sally, Arnold, and Damian!"
Jon sniffles, rubbing roughly at his face. He leans into the man's bicep. A trusted adult figure, then. One he's described his life to. A life, J'onn is sad to note, he appears to have lived for the past six years, as opposed to a sudden shift in appearance. Jon's next question all but confirm it: "Can I really go back? It's been so long. They'll be all grown up."
"Hey, of course you can," the man says, rubbing his shoulder. "I'm sure they've missed you so much. They'll be so happy to see you again."
Jon starts to smile. "I'm going home."
"You're going home!" The man laughs, shaking him.
"I can finally eat some decent barbecue again!"
"Hey!" the man protests, "The smoker blew up one time!"
Jon continues, beginning to get excited. "And Ma will make her jalapeño cornbread! I never could get it right, I can't wait for you to try it!"
J'onn notes the older man's smile fading, eyes growing sad.
"And Damian will definitely want to spar and oh, oh! With you on our side we can totally prank Batman! I bet Alfred will even help! And Mom gives the best hugs, Pops comes really close but Mom will be really excited to meet you, everyone will."
"Jon," The man says.
"I knew you'd be worried about it, but they'll want to meet you," Jon says, clocking his expression. "They'll be grateful. You, you helped me. You kept me safe and taught me how to be Superman. They'll love you, I promise."
"Jon, I can't go with you," the man says gently.
"I'm not saying you stay, but you can visit! I'm sure the Justice League can figure out a way to maintain a portal, they're super used to all that multiverse stuff. Once they have the coordinates, you can stop by whenever!"
"I can't go through the portal, Jon," the man says. "To other worlds, I'm a god. And gods can't interfere. The only reason I can continue to live here is because this is the world of my origin."
Jon gapes at him. "But--but,"
"You're going to see your Mom and Dad again," the man says. "And your brother, and grandparents."
"I can come here, then," Jon says desperately, pushing his way out of the man's arms. The man is already shaking his head. "I can!"
"You can't."
"Why, because Clockwork says so? He's a liar!"
"Because multiverse travel is never a good idea. If you got trapped here again--"
"I wouldn't,"
"You belong with your family,"
"You're my family!" Jon cries. The man freezes. "You, and Sam, and Jazz, and Tucker and Val and Ellie and Pops and Mads, you're all my family! I can't just leave you, I won't!"
"Oh kiddo," The man says, eyes wet. "I love you too. We all do."
"So I'll stay," Jon says decisively. "For all we know my world is a wasteland. Gramps wasn't exactly right in the head when I left. It's better to stay here."
J'onn notes a green vine unwinding from a nearby trellis. It slides down the eave towards the pair.
"You don't mean that," the man is saying.
"I'm sixteen. I can make my own decisions. I'm staying."
The man cups Jon's face. "Your parents did not have a choice in losing you. I'm willing to bet they're devastated. Because I'd be devastated, losing a kid as great as you."
"Maybe they're not even there," Jon says, but the words are half-hearted, and it clearly hurts him to say them.
"I know I seem like a pushover, but if I thought Clockwork was sending you back to anything less than your loving family, I'd destroy him first. And he knows that. They're going to be there, I promise."
"I don't want to go," Jon says. Behind him, the vine rises from the eave of its own will, poised like a cobra enchanted by a snark charmer.
"I know," the man says, eyes drifting to the vine. "I'm so sorry, Jon."
"For what?" Jon asks, as the vine attaches itself to the nape of his neck. His eyes roll back as he collapses into the man's arms. The man hugs him tighter than is strictly necessary.
J'onn expects the memory to now end, alongside Jon's consciousness. To his curiosity, it does not.
"For what it's worth," a young woman spits bitterly, vines supporting her weight as she slips over the side of the roof. "I still think this is horrible." Her eyes are red and miserable.
"Seriously, team punching Dumbledore in the face," A young black man says, appearing in the air supported by a woman almost identical in appearance to the man holding Jon, down to the suit colors. They land on the rooftop.
"Are you sure about this," the dark haired woman with powers over plants asks. "Because to be honest, Danny, I'm five seconds away from punching you in the face."
"Jazz won't speak to you for months," the girl, likely his sister, points out.
"Make it a year," the man says, crossing his arms.
The man, Danny, ignores them all. He cards a hand through Jon's hair. "He'll retain the experience, but not the memories?"
"Yes, he'll be a perfect little superhero, just as you taught him," the woman says, vines twisting agitatedly around her, wrapping around her thigh, wrists and neck almost punishingly.
"Sam," the man says. "He needs to go home. All of you know that."
"He doesn't have to forget us to do so!" the sister bursts, eyes flashing green.
"Remembering would be a torment," Danny says. "He'll know he was loved. That's enough."
"Danny," the plant woman says, sitting beside them both. She puts a gentle hand on his, both on Jon's back. "This is just a different torment."
"And if someone finds out?" Danny asks. He has been patient amidst their scorn, but now a tiny edge ekes into his voice. "A god's child, unprotected? Threatened? He would never stop looking for a way back, and being vocal about it could get him killed."
The others are silent.
"He'll be home. He'll be happy," Danny says. More powerful than a prayer. A directive. He raises his head past the child slumbering in his lap, past them all, face hardening, and says to J'onn: "And you will say nothing."
J'onn takes a step back, fear so thick he could choke on it flooding his very being. Thismanwillkillhim, thismanwillkillhim.
This man will reach through dimensions and kill him.
"Now, get the fuck out of my kid's head," Danny snarls. J'onn is pushed back with enough force he enters his own mind in a vicious whirl that leaves him physically on the floor, gasping.
"I'm sorry," he says as Superman rushes to lift him, and he's not sure who he's apologizing to. Green eyes will pierce his dreams. Vines will crush his throat in his nightmares, screaming silence, silence.
You will say nothing.
"I'm sorry," J'onn says, politely pushing Clark's hands away as he rises. He's already beginning to calm, because he understands. Those are consequences he will not face. He will do as directed. He looks at Jon Kent, bewildered but unharmed, clutching his mother's hand.
J'onn reaches down and dusts at his pants. "I'm sorry," he says evenly, ready to spin his tale. Perhaps the Kents will continue to seek their answers. Perhaps not. He will stay out of it either way. He has been warned.
You were loved by gods. And to keep you safe, they would quiet us all.
Part Two
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writtenbymisunderstoodnerds · 4 months ago
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The start of forever (USWNT x ADHD reader)
Sorry it's been a long time since my last post! Life got busy but I'm back (hopefully). This is the last part in the ADHD reader series, I might do some short fics in the future if people might be interested.
Enjoy!
Part: One, Two, Three, Four, Five
Words: 4k
Warnings: Suggestive
Just over a week had passed since the best day of my life. Ally and I hadn't gone on our honeymoon yet because of upcoming games, but between trainings, we managed a few days in a luxury hotel. We had spent a few hours at the spa, though we were mostly in our room either cuddled up watching movies, eating, or doing inappropriate things. It wasn't much, but it was enough to recuperate before the craziness of the next few weeks until it was time for our real honeymoon.
Unfortunately, it was time to leave our little bubble and return to training.
"How's married life Mrs Y/l/n?" Ali asked as I sat down next to her, a teasing smile on her face.
A small smile appeared at the mention of being married. It was still something I couldn't believe was real. "Honestly, it pretty much feels the same. I would say we feel more connected and never want to be apart, but that was the same pre-marriage. I do get a little burst of happiness or maybe excitement whenever I remember we're married. And I'm very excited about our honeymoon. It's been a while since we've had a good chunk of just us time. No work or commitments "
"You guys were always obsessed with each other before so I'm not that surprised. That feeling will stick around for a while I think. It did for me anyway. Have you got the photos yet? You both looked incredible so the photos will be amazing."
"Not yet, I think they will take another week or so. I'm not sure. Ally has been the one in contact with them. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's the organised one in this marriage."
"No really? Hadn't noticed that. You know, I'm so proud of you Y/n, you've come so far not just in soccer but in life as well. I mean look at you, you're married, with a great family around you."
My arms wrapped around Ali as I fought to keep my emotions in check. When I first met her and joined the national team, I never imagined I'd become so close to her—or anyone. At the time, I was focused on fitting in, doing my best, and earning my spot. Despite the age gap between us, Ali had become one of my best friends, a big sister of sorts. And even though I never saw it coming, I couldn't imagine my life without her in it now. "I love you, Ali."
"I love you too Kiddo."
"This is sweet and all, but if you're done being sappy we need to go out now," Emily spoke up interrupting the moment between us.
---
The team had decided to escape the hotel which meant everyone had decided to hang out at my house instead. I didn't get the point of going from one room to another in a different place, but they seemed happy so I wasn't actually complaining. Besides, my couch was comfier.
"Where's your wife? We miss her." That explains why they wanted to be at my house. They always wanted to hang out with Ally. At this point, I was sure they liked her better than me. I couldn't blame them, she was my favourite person too.
An involuntary smile made its way onto my face, a little over a month later and I still wasn't over the fact that Ally was my wife, "Oh I see how it is, you didn't want to hang out with me, you wanted Ally. Well you're out of luck. She had to go into the office today, she should be home soon I think."
"You guys go on your honeymoon soon right?"
"Yeah in like 3 weeks. Man, I can't wait, a week and a half alone with my wife in a secluded cabin surrounded by mountains. Sounds like heaven if you ask me."
"I don't even want to know where your mind is going."
I smirked, throwing a controller at Emily, "You really don't."
We were halfway through a FIFA match when the door opened. I quickly threw the controller to someone before rushing to the door. "Hi, my love."
Ally smiled tiredly, not fighting as I took her bag. "Hi, baby. Let me go grab the groceries real quick."
"No, I'll get them, you just go sit down."
Ally sighed, kissing my cheek, and hesitantly made her way into the living room. Once everything was inside and put away, I went to find Ally squished on the couch. When Ally saw me, she pulled herself up much to the dismay of the girls she was talking to, and pulled me into a tight hug. "I said hello to you guys already, it's my wife's turn now."
My arms tightened slightly at the words before I spoke quietly, "You okay love?"
"I am now. Just a long day."
Emily fake gagged, making us pull away with an eye roll, "You two are still disgustingly cute. How long do we think that lasts?"
"Knowing these two, probably forever."
---
"Ally baby, don't fall asleep. We're almost there."
"I don't think I'll ever get used to flying internationally."
We had landed a couple of hours ago and done all the needed errands in town before driving out to the cabin. It was Ally's idea because I had completely forgotten there was anything we would need for the week. "Probably not. I still haven't. We've got a week and a half of no work or training. So once we get to the cabin we can just chill for the rest of the day and hit the slopes tomorrow."
Ally smiled, kissing my hand before sitting herself up properly in the seat. "That sounds perfect love. Maybe a bath too. Because I think we should take as much advantage of the bath as we can while we're here."
"We really have to get you a bath. I'll make it happen for you one day."
"That would be the dream. We will make it happen."
Not even 10 minutes later, we arrived at the cabin and had the bags out waiting to be taken inside. Much to Ally's confusion, I stopped her before she could get inside and scooped her up bridal style. Ally squealed, arms wrapping around my shoulders, "What are you doing!?"
"Carrying my wife over the threshold. We were too drunk to do it on our wedding night then maybe I forgot so here we are."
"Charming as ever my love."
"You know it." I placed Ally down in the living room, leaving a lingering kiss before taking our bags to the bedroom.
We weren't sure if we'd even be able to go on our honeymoon at first due to game schedules. So we had held off on booking anything until it was finally confirmed I'd have the time off. There weren't many options at the time, but thankfully we didn't care where we stayed as long as there was a bath. That was Ally's only specification. Luckily, we managed to find a pretty nice place anyway. The cabin was a cozy, one-bedroom place with a simple, open-plan design. There was a comfortable-looking L-shaped couch, a few bean bags, and a fireplace. A window seat was placed in the perfect spot to see the surrounding mountains. It wasn't much, but it was perfect for us.
After we had put everything away, Ally went to sit down on the couch, but I stopped her before she could and pulled her into my lap instead. "You're trying to look romantic, but I know you are just trying to keep me from falling asleep."
"What makes you think that?"
"Because I know you. Also, I would have 100% fallen asleep. I'm sorry, I can't help it."
"There's no need to apologise love. I just know if you sleep now, you will struggle tonight. How about we cuddle for 10 minutes then go for a walk, have dinner, bath then do whatever we feel like? If you can deal with me after the flight that is."
Ally giggled, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and kissing me softly, "As insufferable as you can be stuck in a confined space for hours on end, I will always want to be around you. Why are we going for a walk?"
"We gotta explore the area at least a little bit before it gets dark. If uh that's okay of course."
"Of course it is. This is our honeymoon not just mine. Cuddle then walk sounds perfect."
---
Ally looked at me like I was crazy as I lay down in the snow, moving my arms up and down. "Babe! What the hell are you doing?"
"Snow angels. You can't be in the snow and not do snow angels. Come on, join me."
"No, it's cold and wet and I love you, but you're crazy."
I sat up, holding up my hand, "Okay fine, help me up."
Ally took my hand, and instead of letting her pull me up, I pulled her down into the snow. She let out a squeal and hit my shoulder lightly. "What the hell Y/n! You're such a little shit."
I straddled Ally's waist, peppering kisses across her face, "I'm not sorry either."
Her hands slipped under my shirt, making me shiver from the cold as they trailed up my side. "We could be doing this in a nice bed, or couch or even standing up, but you choose the freezing snow."
"I'll make you a deal. You do one snow angel with me and then we can go back to the cabin to make use of the nice bed or couch or even standing up, whatever you want."
Ally smirked, "Whatever I want huh?"
"Whatever you want."
"Deal. Bath and massage it is."
"Bu-"
Ally rolled off me, winking as she went, "Whatever I want remember."
Once we had finished the snow angels, I quickly got up, stopping Ally before she could. I snapped a few photos as she lay in the snow. Ally started doing random poses as I took a bunch of photos, some of which would have to be locked away as they boarded on R18.
She looked at me confused as I pulled her up out of the snow, "Why are you taking so many photos? You don't normally do that."
"Memories. This is one of those times that I want to remember forever." In reality, I was planning to get a photo book made of our honeymoon, similar to the one Ally made me for our anniversary. It wasn't something she would expect me to do. Photo books and albums had always been more Ally's thing.
---
Ally and I had been snowboarding together a few times since we started dating. Besides that, she was pretty new to it while I went pretty often with one of my friends growing up. It wasn't something I enjoyed very much at first. It was just a way to get away from my parents. Now I loved it and while Ally enjoyed it, I knew she still got pretty nervous before the first few runs. Despite the nerves, she was always willing to do whatever runs I wanted to because she knew I loved it. Just another reason she was my person.
"Just follow my lead," I encouraged, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze effectively stopping her fidgeting. As we boarded the ski lift, I couldn't help but steal glances at her. Her cheeks were flushed from the cold and despite the nerves, there was a small smile present. She was gorgeous, I would never understand what I did to deserve a women like her.
"Always do. What's going on in that head of yours? You've got that far-away look."
"Just how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to be married to you."
"I love you." Ally was looking at me with so much love, that I couldn't help snapping a quick photo before she noticed. To this day I still got 'butterflies' whenever she looked at me like that. At this point I didn't think that feeling would ever fade or at least I hoped it wouldn't. With a simple look, she made me feel incredibly loved. I never wanted that to go away.
I always had Ally go in front of me, just for instances like these. Watching Ally go down just in front of me had my stomach dropping as I skidded to a stop next to her. Ally groaned, rolling over and giving me a thumbs up. I helped Ally scoot over to the side, making sure she was okay as we went. After making sure Ally was okay, I laughed loudly, snapping yet another photo of her covered in snow. "You're supposed to glide over the snow not eat it."
"Shut up miss professional athlete."
Ally took the hand I held out to help her up, but instead of standing up, she pulled me down into the snow next to her much like I had a few days ago. "You're not supposed to eat the snow you know?"
"Meanie."
Ally rolled over, kissing my cheek before a smirk appeared, "Paybacks a bitch baby. We should probably keep going."
"One more run then lunch?"
"Race ya." Ally giggled before taking off down the mountain.
---
"Hey Al, this weather forecast isn't looking very good and they've closed the field. It looks pretty crappy out there. We should probably just hang here today and see what happens."
"Yeah, I'm not going to complain about a day alone, cuddled up with my wife," Ally smiled, pulling me into her lap, leaving a few light kisses against my neck.
"You said it."
"Well you are my wife, aren't you? Or did I marry someone else without knowing?"
I wasn't a very jealous person, but the thought of Ally marrying someone else made my skin crawl. I scowled, kissing her deeply, the way I knew left her utterly breathless before whispering, "Don't even say that." Ally moaned quietly, trying to reconnect our lips, but I pushed her away gently. "Nope. Just for that comment, you have to wait. Let me go get some more wood just in case then we can play games or something."
"Jealousy suits you," Ally winked, "Or something sounds perfect."
"Horndog."
She shrugged, smacking my butt as I walked away, "What do you expect when you're walking around shirtless? Please put a jacket on before going outside though."
A few hours later, we lay tangled in the sheets watching TikTok on Ally's phone. My original plan was to take Ally out for dinner since the weather was supposed to get better but turns out all the roads were closed. I laughed a little as memories flooded in of this happening on our first snowboarding trip. At least this time we still had power for now. Ally looked at me confused, making me laugh even harder.
Once I managed to stop laughing, I explained why to a very confused Ally, "We have the worst luck when it comes to romantic snowboarding trips. All the roads are closed and we're stuck here for who knows how long. I've never been more grateful that you made us do a proper shop."
This time it was Ally's turn to laugh, making me laugh all over again, "Maybe this is a sign snowboarding for occasions isn't for us. Like seriously, the times we just went for a weekend everything was fine, but our first ever trip and our honeymoon, things go wrong."
"Or it's a sign that we do it more often and get trapped together."
"We can do that at home. I was thinking that our next holiday should be somewhere tropical. I love our snowboarding trips, but it's my turn to drag you somewhere hot."
"I think I can live with seeing you in a bikini."
Ally rolled her eyes at me, pushing me away gently and rolling out of bed. "Of course you can. I'm going to make dinner."
After about half an hour of scrolling through my phone, I dragged myself out of bed. Ally was still in the kitchen so I went to bring in more wood to last the night. Ally was pretty much always the one who cooked, she loved it and I hated it. In return I always cleaned up, did the chores she didn't like, and baked her whatever she wanted.
I wrapped my arms around Ally from behind, swaying gently as she stirred the sauce. Ally let out a soft giggle, turning down the heat before turning around, her arms resting on my shoulders. "You okay, love?"
"I got the wood in, then got bored," I replied, slowly moving us around.
She laughed, pressing her forehead to mine. "Man, I love you, Y/n."
"I'd hope so, seeing as you married me."
She flicked the back of my head lightly. "Oi, say it back."
"Say what?"
"Don't be mean, or you're sleeping on the couch."
"You couldn't handle that, and we both know it," I teased, pulling her closer. "But I love you, so, so, so, so much."
"My dork," Ally grinned. "We should roast marshmallows tonight."
I twirled her around before pulling her back into me, planting soft kisses along her jaw. "Marshmallows it is."
"Yessss I love roasting marshmallows."
"I know you do. How about this: you have a bath, I make brownies, then we roast marshmallows?"
Ally's face fell a little. "You're not having one with me?"
"Not tonight," I said, smiling apologetically. "I want to, but I've got a surprise for you, and I need time to set it up. You have your bath, and I'll have a surprise waiting."
She let out a dramatic sigh before she smiled again. "I can accept that this time, only because I love surprises. Now, I love you, but if you don't let me go, we're having burnt sauce for dinner."
After dinner, Ally went to have a bath while I quickly made some brownies and cleaned up. Then moved on to the idea that I wanted to surprise her with.
By the time Ally emerged from the bathroom, the living room was dark, the fire and a few scattered candles casting a soft glow around the room. There was a platter of marshmallows, chocolate, strawberries, and brownies laid out on the coffee table in front of the fire. Ally looked around, smile widening when she saw the blanket fort in front of the fire. "What's all this?"
"Just a little something I thought you would like."
"You chose this over a bath with your wife? I would be offended if I didn't love it."
"Yeahhh, I saw it on TikTok earlier and got fixated on it."
"That's my girl." Ally left a lingering kiss against my cheek before carefully making her way into the fort and settling among the blankets. Ally's eyes sparkled with happiness as she looked around the fort "Gotta say it's pretty impressive, miss fort builder."
"It's Mrs fort builder to you," I said, feigning a scowl that just made Ally grin wider. "Thank you, I've got a lot of fort-building experience. It's a crucial skill in life."
She snorted, unable to hide her grin as she pulled me down with her. "Clearly. And what exactly are we doing in this fort?"
I settled in beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist as I peppered her face with kisses. "Roasting marshmallows, of course, eating brownies, and I don't know... I'm sure there's some way we could entertain each other."
Ally arched an eyebrow, a smirk tugging at her lips. "Entertain each other, huh? And how do you propose we do that? Because, if you're thinking what I think you're thinking, I don't think I can go another round after earlier."
I chuckled, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear before pressing my lips to hers in a deep, lingering kiss. When we finally pulled apart, I grinned. "I'm sure we'll figure something out. We have all those games on the shelf. Maybe a board game night? We haven't had one of those in ages."
Ally pretended to think about it, but I knew she loved game nights just as much as I did. In our early days, that's what a lot of our date nights consisted of. Over time they dwindled as commitments got in the way, but when they did happen, it was special in a way.
"First, though," I added, nudging her nose with mine, "Marshmallows. Because I don't want to see your pout if we don't do it."
So that's exactly what we did. We roasted marshmallows over the fire, though Ally had a habit of catching hers on fire, laughing as she waved them around trying and failing to save them. Ally's smile and laughter were so full of happiness, that I couldn't help but join in.
We spent hours playing random games, arguing over rules and jokingly accusing each other of cheating. I took so many photos, honestly probably too many. There were shots of Ally, of the blanket fort, of the two of us together. I had no idea how I was supposed to pick which ones to put in the photo book, but I would never complain about having more photos of Ally.
The night was peaceful, safe, and fun. There was no stress, no worries, no commitments, it was just me and my person. Honestly, if we never left this cabin, I think I'd be perfectly happy with that.
---
I turned to Ally, propping myself up on my elbow to look at her. She was tracing lazy patterns on the back of my hand. Games and food were long forgotten and the fire almost out, but I couldn't bring myself to get up to put more wood on. Maybe the last few days hadn't gone to plan with us being stuck inside, but as long as I was with Ally, it didn't matter.
"You know," I said, my voice barely more than a whisper, not wanting to disturb the peace. "I really like being stuck with you."
She smiled, lacing our fingers together, "Good because you married me. I also really like being stuck with you, too. Even though I know you hate being stuck inside for so long."
I laughed quietly, shaking my head. "Normally yes, but I'm actually not struggling that much this time. Maybe cause it's our honeymoon or because I've never been more in love with you than I am right now. Right here with you, I'm content, I'm happy and I can't wait for our life together. Something tells me it's going to be incredible."
Ally ran her fingers across my jaw, eyes shining with unshed tears. Her voice cracked slightly as she spoke, "I-I love you Y/n. It's silly, but I love it when you get like this. You always make me feel so loved, but when you look at me like that and say the sappy things you just did, it's like a whole other level. You make me feel so incredibly important."
"Ally, you are the most important person in my life. My team or family I would say, are incredibly important to me, but that's nothing compared to you. I meant everything I said in my vows. You are my everything, my world."
She blinked a few times, her hand coming to wipe a tear away, but I beat her to it, leaving a soft kiss in its wake. "You're determined to make me cry aren't you?"
"Maybe. I'm determined to make sure you know how much I love you every single day for the rest of our lives."
"I already do. You make me feel like the luckiest person in the world. I love you so damn much."
"I love you, Ally."
We stayed like that for a while, nothing else being said as we just enjoyed being cuddled up against each other. Being with Ally was easy. There was no pressure, no expectations. Just us, wrapped up in blankets, in each other. And honestly, it was perfect. Any lingering doubt I had that I wasn't enough for her, about not being the wife she deserved, faded away. And for the first time in my life, I truly felt like I had everything I needed, right here, right now. With Ally by my side, I knew that no matter what happened in life, I would be okay.
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lokistemptress · 3 months ago
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“Protect My Heart”
Steve Rogers x Reader
Angst with no happy ending? I don’t know.
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steve rogers was weird. in all the right ways of course, i'd assume that if i had gotten injected with a super serum, met the love of my life just to lose her to time and age, be trapped in the ice while the world ages around me and keep my youth, i'd probably be a little weird and off-putting too.
the entire world knows who captain america is, and i've had the chance to work with him. he's tall, broad, all blond hair and bright shiny blue eyes. he's cute, he knows he's cute too. probably hates being called cute, but i can't imagine him as anything other than cute. 
he has a certain way that he looks at you, like he's looking right through you. but don't ever upset him, he's great at holding grudges. he's been gone for far to long and with the threat of ultron upon us, we now hide away in clint barton's house.
we're not the only people in the house, tony stark who's the iron man, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, extraordinaire (as i'm sure he'd enjoy being called). and then there's his 'twin', bruce banner. just as smart, just as attractive, but not arrogant. he's shy and that's just as cute as he is. and then there's people like natasha romanoff (and maria hill, my two favorite people in the world).
of course, we cannot forget about the god who literally fell to earth. thor, the god of thunder. there were hundreds of other people, working the systems to keep us all safe from threats. and as busy as we are, steve won't leave me alone. 
i'm standing in the kitchen area, busy making some sandwiches to pass the time while every conversates about the next move. clint's children run around the house. "i can help you." steve suggested, leaning against the counter. i had multiple plates, already stacked high with different kinds of sandwiches. laura already said she'd help, since this was her home, but i shrugged her off and told her to spend some time with her family instead.
the weirdest thing about steve is that he's persistent. when he wants something, he won't give up until he succeeds. i can't say i'm not the same way, but he thinks of me as some sort of mission i'm sure of it. "they're just sandwiches steve." i sighed, closing the lid to the peanut butter. "i can be helpful."
"be helpful somewhere else!"
he doesn't ever take the hints. he's like a bug i can't kill. i'm sure half the world would be on their knees, begging for a chance to go on a date with steve rogers, but i think i'd rather die. no one should be stupid enough to do that. steve is a great guy, but his heart and his mind lie with another woman who he can never with. peggy carter, the love of his life, whom he lost so early. his poor heart holds onto her too much for his body to handle, so he finds someone else to satiate his need for love and it was me.
you know how when baby ducks or chickens are born, they imprint on the first thing they see as their mother, that's exactly what it felt like for steve and i, but instead of me being his mother he wants me as a lover. i cannot put myself through that ever. it hurts a lot to know the truth, to know he doesn't actually like me. what am i even supposed to do? i don't like pushing him away and ignoring him, i don't like being rude to the captain america. 
what if one date turns into two, two turn into spending nights with each other, kisses in between talking, and we have sex or something. what happens if i do fall in love with captain america? what happens when i want something more from him but he tells me he's not looking for anything serious. he's too caught up on his ex. i know steve is old fashioned, he'd never actually do that to a woman, but this isn't the 40s anymore and he's much older than i am, he's tired of fighting but he won't stop and that will be his downfall, and mine too if i don't put a stop to all of this. 
"you don't  like me much huh?" he scoffs jokingly, standing up from the counter and moving to stand behind me instead. "i do like you steve, i just don't need help making sandwiches." i put the cheese slices and the meat back into the refrigerator. "you know, if you want to help, you can take these to the living room while i bring these to the kids." i suggested, pointing to the plates.  i grab a different plate, beginning to walk away but steve catches my wrist. "please talk to me." he begs quietly. i poke the inside of my cheek with my tongue, running it over my bottom teeth. i've said no to going on a date with steve rogers three times now.
 the first time, it was very proper. asking me out after loki was put away and handled with by thor. he stopped me from leaving the building. "you did good out there." i shrugged. "beats working in an office staring at a screen any day." he laughed. body dirty, breathless, and sweating. "i'm sure it does." our conversation flows for a second, reveling in our win, talking about everything and nothing. "so i was thinking that we could... maybe do something tomorrow night..." steve asks, running his fingers through his hair. "i don't know rogers, we're kinda busy."
"no yeah i get it. i'm pretty busy too." he crossed his arms behind his back, rocking back and forth. "well, i'm supposed to see loki off and we're all splitting apart for a bit so... i'll see you later?" i nodded, watching as he walked away.
did steve rogers just ask me out?
the second time he tried was when we were on the run from the government after siding with his long time best friend, and super solider experiment, james bucky barnes, and found ourselves living on the outskirts of some small country's town i couldn't pronounce the name of. we were just lying in the grass together. he hadn't had the time to shave in a while, a light stubble beginning to show. we just stared at the stars wondering if our lives were going to be lived out like this. a small cabin in the woods that we found. spending all our time in the woods with natasha and hunting for animals and plants. what i wouldn't have done for a burger. "so i was thinking, a few years back, we never got a chance to hang out just us, and we're here, right now. know we can't do much, but i was thinking if you'd want to do this again sometime..." he trailed off. i didn't glance at him, i knew he was looking at me but i wasn't sure what to say. "steve now's not really a good time to get...  entangled." steve just nods silently. "yeah, that makes sense i guess."
i couldn't believe he was trying again. i thought he had forgotten. i know i hadn't, i couldn't stop thinking about him asking me out. and here he was, wanting to try again. i got up and headed back to the cabin without even saying anything. i felt sick to my stomach again. the night air felt colder, a pain filling up my chest. 
how dare he? who does he think he is?
strutting around the cabin shirtless, chopping wood for fire, learning how to hunt and which berries and plants could kill us and wouldn't kill us. humming 40s music while starting fires to heat up the water to make it drinkable.
when i taught him how to sew our clothes back together after running in the woods, sleeve being caught and torn by branches. teaching him how to braid hair, gently but quick so it wouldn't waste too much time. pointing at the stars together, sneaking into town to watch as it quiets down as the sun sets. dogs bark in the background. making ice cream with just milk and ice. hiding in alleyways from cops and laughing when they'd pass.
it makes me feel guilty for falling in love with a man who's mentally taken.
sure peggy carter isn't here anymore, but she haunts him in his sleep. for a few split seconds, i'd see a future with us together, a kid or two, living in a house just big enough for the two of us. maybe a dog or a cat for our kids to play with. and then reality strikes when he'd fall asleep and whisper her name that keeps me awake and thinking for days.
the third time he asked me out was as soon as we got into the house. he hadn't even gotten the chance to ask, i already knew what he wanted from me. i was on my way to check on natasha, she had been so excited about laura having another baby, and she thought it was gonna be a gril named natasha. it turned out to be a boy instead.
 "no steve." i said, not even letting him speak. he pulls me into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door. "don't say no, i just think it would be fun, doesn't have to mean anything-"
"no steve! it means everything to me!" he tries to talk again but i push back against his chest. he could easily over power me, he's stronger than i am. my heart is beating so fast. i can't look him in the eye. i make sure to keep steve far enough from me while i pull the door open and disappear to the kitchen instead. there's far too much going on.
which brings me to now. the fourth time. "there's nothing to talk about." i drop my head, placing the plates down on the table so i don't drop them and waste them. "there's a lot we need to talk about actually. like how you keep running from me." he flips me around, holding onto my shoulders to keep me in place. "i can't give you what you want."
"and how do you know what i want?"
"i know you want peggy back. and i'm not her, not even close. i know you'd do anything to see her again, to hear her voice. to have her see you. i know you missed out on the greatest love of your life and i can't-i won't compete with that."
steve just leans down, pressing his lips against mine. he doesn't listen either. our lips don't stay attached for long, cause i untangle my body from his grip. "you have to stop steve! you tell me to stop running and hiding from you, but when are you gonna stop running and hiding from yourself too?"
"you think you know what i want? well it's not true. ever since i got out of the ice, i wasn't sure what it meant. i knew i should have died but i didn't. and for a long time i was lost, everyone i had ever loved was gone, everything i thought i knew was a lie, and the world was different. but i didn't regret the decision i made, and that same decision lead me to you somehow!"
"you do not mean that!" i shouted back. "don't i? you don't know what i want!" he crosses his arms over his chest, standing tall and proud. i hate when he does that. he just looks so strong like this. "what do you want?" i asked slowly, keeping my voice low and calm but i was anything but it. "what do you want steve!"
"i want you to stop running from this! why do you do it? tell me the truth. i know you're not afraid of me. and i know it's not because you're seeing someone else, and it can't be about peggy either." he tilts his head, searching my eyes. 
"why can't it? how am i supposed to give you my heart when yours belongs to someone else? what will i get in return?" i don't know when but i started crying. i can feel the little tears cascade down my cheeks the longer this conversation goes on. i wonder if someone will come find us, or will this conversation die out on it's own before then? "you have my heart already y/n, that's what you're not understanding. i'm already yours, i just need you to be mine too." steve inches closer, placing his hands on my hips. one hand cups my cheek, wiping away the tears. "please don't cry." he whispers soothingly. i reach up, cupping my hand with his own. i take a moment to revel in this feeling, the light enters his eyes again but i crush it by pulling back. he cannot win this war. i drop his hand to his side, using my other hand to brush him off my hip. i can still feel his touch on me, hands heavy.
"i'm sorry steve, but i need to put myself first for once, and i need to protect my heart. please, please don't ask me out again. it will always be no."
he doesn't say anything more when i grab the plates and carry them out of the kitchen and into the hallway where i walk slowly to the living room, trying to catch my own breath. "i've made sandwiches." i said, expertly setting them down on the table while everyone crowds around the tray. i fall back a few steps, moving outside to get some fresh air. i sit down on the steps of clint's house. aside from natasha and fury, i was the third person to learn about clint's secret life. was it weird to imagine my life would be like this at some point?
when i was at my lowest, nick fury spotted me in a crowd of hundreds. he always was drawn to the most messed up people. the front door creaks open and i hold in a groan. if he's followed me out here again, i might just lose my shit. 
but it's natasha. he's freshly showered, sad smile on her lips. "what's up with you?" we both ask in unison. a broken laugh passes between the two of us. "you first." i nudged her shoulder. "i wish bruce would just let himself go for once. he's too fearful."
their romance had been budding since she first picked him up. it was so slow and quiet, compared to steve who won't take no for an answer. "you?" she asks while we stare ahead at the meadow fields and trees in the distance. "steve won't take no for an answer. he's not fearful enough."
nat holds back a smile but i can see her lips twinge upward. "maybe you should stop holding back then. you and bruce are too similar. you push everyone away thinking it's for the greater good, and you won't be selfish just one time?"
"you can't be selfish with a guy like steve rogers. he could die any minute, i've read his files. i've seen everything he's done to get where he is today. he saved the world by landing a plane in the middle of the ocean where he froze over for 60 years. i can't put myself in peggy's position. history has a funny way of repeating itself." natasha sits silently. "i never thought of that for you." i glance at her confused. "what?"
"steve and i... we talk. we talk about you." i raise my eyebrows. "you do?" she nods and hums. "we talk about why you keep saying no, what's keeping you from saying yes. i did some digging, you don't have a secret family like clint, you're not stuck on an ex partner, you have family out there somewhere. they're too protected by shield that even i can't find them." i let out a quick sigh. i tell my family i work as a travel agent. everything was fine, and they had no idea, until my face popped up on a screen with hawkeye and natasha at my side, and of course running from the government is kind of hard to keep a secret.
"i just figured you didn't like him. i told him to stop trying after the first time, but i don't think he'll stop asking until you say yes."
"this isn't the notebook. i don't care how dangerous his proposals get, i won't give in. i can't see a logical reason to. he'll make me happy? i make myself happy. i won't be alone? i have you and maria. sexual pleasures? there's one night stands for a reason." natasha snorts and shakes her head. "you are so far gone into your own little world you can't even see the truth."
"okay, and what's the truth?"
"the truth is that you're right. maybe you love him, and maybe he makes the ultimate decision to sacrifice his life for everyone else's safety, but maybe he doesn't have to go through that and you two will live happily ever after. the truth is that he loves you and he wants to show you. god knows where i'd be right now if bruce showed me he loved me." natasha stands up, offering me a hand but i shake my head. "that's fine, you have a lot to think about now." she pats my shoulder and heads back into the house.
can you be selfish with a guy like steve rogers? everything about him is so attractive. like a magnetic pull i'm to weak to steer clear from. sharp features, strong build. he's smart, loyal, kind, brave. it's these thing's that worry me deeply.
although peggy never had a public speech about her feeling's toward steve, him being in the ice, his 'death' that shocked the world. everyone knew that she became a ghost of herself. she still went to work every morning, got dressed, ate breakfast, laughed and made her own jokes, went and fought in wars, and was brave too. but even though i too fight in wars and i wake up every morning and i get too see him, feel him, know him, i'm not brave at all. the thought of losing steve eats away at me every time i look at him. i'll never know his last day,  my last day. even if i did know, even if it was tomorrow, i do not have the strength in me to admit that i'm in love with steve rogers and he loves me too because i'm so afraid of it. afraid of what it means to be in a relationship with a man such as him. the people who'll come after us, what will happen when that time comes? i know he'd do anything for the people he loves.
it's one thing to be his friend, a partner in crime, hiding away in a cabin in the woods, staring at stars and making ice cream, but it's a whole other thing to actually be his. sacrificing yourself for a friend is the greatest sacrifice you could ever make, but steve sacrificing himself for my life, as a lover is the ultimate portrayal of love i do not deserve. i've held him off for this long, i can handle holding him off even longer. 
���—————————
i also hope the ending makes enough sense cause i suck at writing marvel stuff. basically, she won't date steve bc she is afraid of how much she'll get hurt if he dies, and is worried that if something happens to her he’d risk his life/die for her, which she feels like she’s doesn’t deserve.
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transfemme-shelterdog · 19 days ago
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I did not realize how much internalized queerphobia I have until today. Specifically internalized transphobia. Today was the first proper Pride event I've gone to since I was like 14 (I'm in my 20s now). Just seeing all the very clockable trans people was making me cringe, and then I started wondering if I'm as clockable to them as they are to me. Obviously this is shit I've gotta work on, I'm not content to sit with this part of me that cringes and is disgusted by outward displays of queerness whether in terms of gender or sexuality. But I guess I just don't know how someone can be so open and confident with their queerness. Technically I'm Gen Z, but on the much older side. I often relate to the younger Millennials more than I do other Gen Z folk. I'm pretty sure the area I grew up in heavily influenced this as well, but I don't see why we need to be "proud" of our queerness? It's not an accomplishment or something we achieved. By luck of the draw or roll of the dice, we ended up queer. So why be proud of something you had no say or action in?
Maybe it's just that I just don't see "trans" as a part of my identity unless it comes to like, medical shit. I don't think of myself as a trans man in the slightest. It's not part of my identity, it's not something I share, but I know technically it *does* apply to me. But seeing trans people my age walking around with colored hair and face paint, draped in various flags, it just feels like. We're not the same. Not even remotely close. It also feels very tone-deaf in the current political climate of the US, and very performative as well. I don't know how anyone can be all happy and cheery and wearing literal targets on their faces and backs when the area is hugely red and conservative. Does it not scare them?? Do they lack the terrible experiences of discrimination and hatecrimes?? If so, that's a good thing. That means progress. But without those experiences, I just can not relate to their version of queerhood. We've lived something different. It doesn't feel like we're in the same community or category even though we are.
I saw this one person, who I'm going to assume was a trans guy given he had the gay male flag wrapped around his shoulders, but he wasn't binding, was wearing really tight fem clothing, and was just doing nothing at all to pass other having a short haircut. But passing isn't the end-all be-all of being trans. I know that. Most people I meet or see will not have the same goals as me in any area of my life. So obviously not all trans people will strive to be as cis-passing as possible, and that's just fine. Logically I get that. The part of me that cringes does not.
I also saw another trans guy who had the stereotypical trans guy jawline beard. Nothing on his cheeks, no mustache, nothing on his chin except the very bottom, just a strap that followed his jaw from one sideburn to the other. It was very much giving Discord mod. And obviously that's an awful thing to think. He's probably happy he can finally grow some facial hair. A lot of cis teen boys go through the straggly facial hair phase. This guy is just doing it slightly later in life because he couldn't before. But I couldn't help but think "don't you know what you look like?" I basically thought that about every person there. Maybe it's envy that they can be so open and not scared. Who knows. I've got this shame around my queerhood while they are very open about theirs even at such a dangerous time. They're either couragous, or unaware and stupid. I'd like to think they're the former.
Obviously this is all shit I've got to bring up with my therapist and work through. But I just had to get it out somewhere.
So, I'm Gen Z as well (kinda, sorta? I was born in 1997, but some resources do anywhere from 1995 to 97, so idk), but just barely. I'm kinda in the same boat. Yeah, I'm not *proud* of being trans, I don't walk around trying to look "clocky". I'm very basic.
I use men's washrooms to avoid making anyone uncomfortable, I dress somewhat casual in "copy paste athleisure" as someone on here referred to it as. I'm not even out at work to avoid making anyone feel uncomfortable. I'm very subtle, and only dress feminine around those who know I'm trans.
But, that's just me. I realize others are gonna be different, and have more outgoing ways of presenting themselves. That's fine. That's how they do their gender. I'm not gonna shame anyone for proudly being clocky or being outwardly trans. All power to them, seriously.
How someone chooses to present themselves and their gender is only their business.
That guy you said who wasn't binding. Maybe he can't. Maybe he has rib issues, or spinal issues. Maybe he just doesn't want to bind. Why does that matter to you?
We as a community need to be supporting each other. No exceptions. So if someone wants to dress a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, you should still support them entirely, no matter what. Conservatives see us all as freaks, we need to be allies, not at each others throats.
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aerofae · 3 months ago
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Angst AU
So let me tell you guys about my favorite angst (yet still fluffy at times) AU. Fair warning: lots of angst and macabre and the overall splatter punk vibes when it comes to actually writing it out (I'm writing a fic in bits and pieces).
The Bat Who Laughs... Stick with me. He's not the main focus but is the big bad.
In his popping in and out of alternate universes, he's slowly been collecting what he sees as the perfect alternatives to his the family he had killed after being Joker-fied. He's cycled through a few different versions of the boys, but we're going to talk about his final group.
Dick (roughly 16) has been there the longest. He was trained to be a Talon after his parents were murdered, having been kidnapped by Cobb during all the commotion. When Batman finally found the missing Grayson boy, the BWL swooped in to claim him (killing both Cobb and this universe's Batman in the process)
Jason (around 14) is the third Jason the BWL has had under his wing. In this Jason's timeline, he was also beaten within an inch of his life by the Joker, but Batman made it just in time to take the impact of the bomb in place of his ward. Alfred did everything he could to keep Jason from following the same path Bruce had in vengeance, but Red Hood was well underway when the BWL decided to give him a shot.
Tim is the second Tim. You guessed it, Joker Junior. The first Tim (14, same as Jason) was “too old” and “too independent” for the BWL. Too much like Tim still (he had been found and was recovering when the BWL stole him). New Tim (around 11) is younger and freshly pulled from the vat of Ace Chemicals. Freshly broken, the perfect puppet (or so the BWL thinks).
Damian (7) has been with the BWL the second longest. The BWL's original Damian (the one that had twisted and conformed to the BWL's morals) had died in combat (against another Damian—go figure). It took the BWL a while to come around to replacing him, but when he did he had been compelled to take a toddler aged version straight from Talia's arms. Damian is oddly coddled compared to his brothers. He doesn't go on missions with them. He barely even trains. He's essentially just a kid being forced to watch his found brothers go through Hell universe after universe after universe. Naturally, he's very close with Dick who essentially is raising him in place of the BWL.
But the twist is that in their universe hoping (where the boys have been front line against their counterparts), they come across a Bruce who eventually rescues them. By complete accident at first of course, and with much confusion. Consider this Bruce a year five or so Batman, a little broken in but not quite versed in the concept of parallel universe's actually being real. Pre Justice League, but Gotham for sure knows who Batman is. In his universe Dick Grayson had died with his parents, Jason Todd was a finally identified John Doe found beaten to death in in the Narrows, Tim Drake was collateral damage in a hit gone wrong, and Damian Wayne was nonexistent—so who exactly where these kids? Why did their DNA and finger prints match with the dead? Who the fuck was Damian Wayne?
Anyway, I'mma be posting some stuff about them. Little snippets and slice of life moments. I don't have a rp partner anymore (TLDR, we were dating and it didn't work out) so Tumblr is now subject to my AU.. Enjoy :)
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nomoreusername · 5 months ago
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All We Have Left
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Pairing:Gally x gender neutral reader
Summary:Even though you and Gally are together again, things have obviously changed.
Gally and I were always good for each other. I mean I’d like to think so. Things between us weren't always simple, but they were always special. We had something not a lot of people could understand. Our personalities were different, but I think that's what made us fit so well together.
It killed me to see him die. It was as though my heart had been ripped out of my chest. When he was lying on the ground and I was being pulled away from my love, something inside of me changed forever.
Until the last city, where I finally saw him again. Of course, the time for catching up was limited. We had to save Minho. It's why I thought nothing of there being the bare minimum of reuniting.
It's different now. It's the Safe Haven. As the name suggests, we're safe. We’re supposed to try to start living our lives again, even if they're different than we’ve ever had before.
Gally seemed determined for them to be really different. He’s talked to me, but only if I say something first. Even then, it’s not the way it should be. He seems uncomfortable around me. He shuffles in his spot and avoids my eyes. He doesn't hold my hand or kiss me. He barely acknowledges my presence. It feels as though I’m a ghost he doesn't know how to be around.
Nancy knew something was up. A fact that didn't at all surprise me. She was older than me, about Vince’s age, so she’s wiser. She’s smart enough to be someone this place genuinely relies on. Her and I spend a lot of time together since our jobs overlap. It’d be more of a surprise if she didn't notice.
I tried to count the supplies. I really did. And I kind of was. I just happened to need to keep starting over thanks to me being so distracted I forget to count halfway through.
Letting out a groan as I made the same mistake again, I sort of slammed my head against the box, hating everything about this. He refused to leave my mind just the way he was refusing to actually talk to me.
“Alright. Do you plan on telling me what's the matter or just keep struggling over there?”She spoke.
“Struggling might just be the easier option,”I mumbled.
“Seeing as you’ve only gone through four boxes, I highly doubt that.”
Without looking at her, I gave a defeated shrug. Seeing as I’m six seconds away from losing it, and have barely been able to sleep thanks to this, I’m not sure anything will help me at this point.
“I’ll offer advice or just listen. Whichever one you want,”She pushed.
She sounds so motherly, her voice soft as cotton. Before coming here, I've never heard or felt anything like that.
I’m a mess. I’m an absolute wreck so I may as well.
Sighing, I raised my head to look at her sitting on the ground, her expression one of pure patience. Shutting my eyes for a moment, I took a quick breath before just starting to talk.
“Gally’s supposed to be excited to see me again. We’ve been separated for so long, and I thought I would never get to be with him again. I thought I had lost my light. Now I’ve gotten him back, but he doesn't glow the same way he used to. It’s almost like he would have preferred we not meet again. It's like he doesn't love me anymore. And I love him. I love him so much more than words could explain. I love him so much that I wish he would just break up with me if that's really what he wants. That would kill me inside, but I understand that people fall out of love. I can't be mad about that. Him just stringing me along and not saying why is worse than that. I don't know what he wants. I can only assume he doesn't want me, but that leaves me wondering why he wouldn't say that then. If he really-if he really . . . doesn't love me anymore, why can't he just say it?”I rambled, my voice a trembling whisper by the end. My eyes started stinging, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. Not allowing them to the way I have so many nights now, I wiped them with the back of my hand.
“I can tell it hurts. I know it's been hurting you. It's like you said though. It doesn't make sense for him to not walk away if he doesn't love you.”
“Then, why won't he act like he does?”
“There could be a lot of reasons. Maybe he feels guilty about having been separated for so long. Maybe he can't help but associate you with the bad memories. Maybe he knows things are different now but not how to handle that yet.”
“Why can't he just tell me that then?”I whispered, laying my head down. Letting out a sympathetic sigh, she moved closer to rub my back, a soothing comfort I accepted and desperately needed right now to not break.
♡ - - - ♡
It was a useless activity, but I don't care. As long as it distracted me from Gally, I'd do anything at all. Even if it was throwing rocks into the ocean from a cliff and watching them splash as they hit the water. That seems better than wallowing in my misery yet again. I don't even care that I was missing dinner. I just had to get my mind off of everything. I had to get my mind off of him.
As I picked up yet another decently sized stone, I heard footsteps behind me. I didn't bother to turn around at them as I threw the rock as far as I could before looking over the edge. The waves crashed over the small thing, hiding it.
“That was a good throw,”a clearly uncomfortable voice remarked. Despite it being who I missed more than anything, I couldn't even find it in me to look at him, much less speak. “Yeah. That's fair,”He muttered, taking a spot beside me.
“You’ve been a bad boyfriend,”I told him, my voice unintentionally blank. Not that I could care right now.
“Yeah. I know.”
We stood there in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable or tense, but it wasn't enjoyable either. It was just us trying to figure out what to say next.
“The first and third reason,”He almost whispered, his voice more gentle than the way he used to hold me at night, our legs tangling up as we would drift off.
“What?”
“The third and third reason. I feel guilty that we were separated, and I’m trying to figure out how to deal with everything being different.”
For the first time during this interaction, I looked at him. He was looking right back, his tired eyes burning into mine. There were eyebags under them just in case I missed that.
I could never miss that. The hurt was clearer than anything here. A hurt that I would feel sometimes. Not even from him. It was just that I would feel fine, and then the realization that almost everyone wasn't here, and nothing could ever go back to the way it was, hit me. Nothing could fix this.
“I feel awful about a lot of things. Giving up so easily, so many Gladers not being here, it being my fault for one of them. I feel so terrible all the time, and I can't make it go away. And I want to talk to you about it. I want to tell you how it feels like I've been punched in the gut, but I can never seem to get the words out.”
“Gally, Chuck wasn't your fault. You were stung,”I whispered, placing my hand on his shoulder.
“But I did it. I pulled the trigger. I did it.”
“Gally-”
“I did it. I did it, and that haunts me. Everything haunts me. The way Thomas begged for him to wake up, you trying to hold on to me, having a completely different life after it was over. It’s so bad all the time, and it doesn't stop. It doesn't go away.”
His voice was as brittle as he was, cracks starting to show. Slow tears dripped down his face, his eyes and voice filling with more and more heaviness and pain. He didn't bother to stop them as he took shaky breaths, slowly but surely starting to fracture.
“Oh Gally,”I whispered, tightly wrapping my arms around him. He clung to my shirt, keeping me close as his tears fell on my neck that was burying his face into. Closing my eyes, I held my breath to keep from breaking with him, wishing more than anything I could make the pain go away. “It's going to be okay. I know it isn't right now. I know the world feels like it's ending, but it hasn't. Not yet. It's not the same, but that doesn't mean we have to stop living. We need each other right now. We need each other more than anything. I need you.”
“I need you too. I just-I just don't know how to ask.”
“You don't have to ask. So much is lost but not us. I’m not leaving you. Not for as long as I’m still alive.”
His tears slowed and with them his shallow breathing.
Still, neither of us let go. We needed this. We needed this more than anything.
We can't risk growing apart when we're almost all we have left.
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epiphany333 · 4 days ago
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I LOVE MOVIE! FRODO AND I'M DYING ON THIS HILL
Ok, now that I got that off my chest, let's chat a bit, shall we? Because this hobbit *violently shakes Big Blue-eyed Frodo in their fist* did not go there in hell and back again to receive this amount of slander.
PJ's Frodo has had a historically, um... not great reception in the fandom. From being called a wimp, gay (in a derogatory 2000's way), useless, and 'not the actual hero' (which misses the whole point of Tolkien establishing a whole Fellowship in the first book!!), to being disparaged for not showcasing all of the traits of his book counterpart, the little guy has not seen a day of rest ever since he came back from Mordor in ROTK.
Movie!Frodo's biggest problem as the protagonist of a trilogy full to the brim with badasses and heroic feats reminiscent of legend is that he's a reactive character. In the book he gets to do some cool stuff (like standing up to the ringwraiths) which show that he is brave, knowleadgable, wise, respectable, collected, and has some leadership skills he puts to good use once it's only him and Sam. Book!Frodo is the most mature of the four hobbits, who look up to him in virtue of being the oldest. He has also spent 17 years as the master of Bag End, which grants him a great deal of experience before the quest even begins. He's well-settled in his ways and secure.
The movie never goes to any length to establish that more than a few months have gone by between the night when Frodo inherits the ring, and the moment that Gandalf comes back to check on it. We see a montage of Gandalf on his way to Gondor, then him reading in a Gondorian library, and that's it. For all we know, it's been what, roughly two months? Especially since Sam is still dealing with his Rosie Problems, and no one has aged visibly. It's obvious that the movie is not functioning on the exact same timeline than the books.
All of that to say that Movie!Frodo never gets to become Book!Frodo before he's sent away by Gandalf. He doesn't get over a decade's worth of experience in the dealings of the Shire, and he doesn't get accustomed to being on his own in Bag End long-term with the responsibilities that would bring, and thus, he just doesn't have the same well of knowleadge to operate with that Book!Frodo had. He hasn't grown into himself or his role as Master Baggins. I seriously doubt that the movies intended to make us think he is older than 40, and that would be 7 years too old to still be receiving "don't get into trouble" advice from his elders like he does in the Green Dragon scene.
This shift can look small, but it's nothing short of. It shrinks the age and experience differential between Frodo's character and the rest of the hobbits'. His role is no longer that of beloved leader who also is the trustworthy older cousin and Master. He's lowered to their level, and we're meant to see him the way they do in this version of their dynamic: protectively. Not as a guide, but a friend under a terrible burden. And despite this change, the narrative never makes it seem like he matters less than the others, even as the other hobbits go through more traditional hero journeys.
That is so important to me. We have a Frodo that is just as out of his comfort zone as Book!Frodo, but that lacks age and expertise, and yet, he is given as much respect as characters widely recognized as brave and strong. The narrative is compassionate and understanding of him, and doesn't demand from this young adult to show external signs of worthiness for his story to matter.
So yes, Movie!Frodo doesn't have a show-off. He stumbles more than he fights, like when he just trips on Wheathertop and doesn't even put on a fight. Really, count how many times he trips next time you watch the movies, it's greatly amusing. Nonetheless, what makes Frodo the only one who can take the ring as far as he did is something not measurable or quantifiable from the outside. It's not his wisdom, or dexterity, or being quick on his feet, but his endurance, integrity, and selfless love for others; friends, allies, home.
Book!Frodo is not necessarily better than Movie!Frodo because he better fits what we expect a protagonist and hero to be. Both Frodos have this well of care and inner strength, and that is what makes them both fit to take the ring to Mordor. You can like Book!Frodo more for what he gets to do, or because he's more composed and even more rough around the edges than young, inexperienced, vulnerable Movie!Frodo. But to write the latter off when he's, at the core, endowed with the same capability for love and courage is a disservice to both versions of the character.
And as to Movie!Frodo, I love that we get a protagonist that is allowed to not be infallible (though I'm not saying Book!Frodo is). He cries and trips (a lot!!), and suffers immensely yet shows so little, and the inner battle he is fighting is still as deserving of respect, as is the willpower to go through the fires of Mordor famished, cold and feverish, knowing that he won't come back from it. That's a noble sacrifice, and he's written and acted with such humanity. I am very fond of the writing choice, however controversial, of having a main character that struggles in the way he does. He doesn't have to be a great fighter or possess wisdom beyond his years to be taken seriously. We're asked to empathize with someone that is much more likely to be what we would be if we were tasked with carrying the One Ring, but with a heart and spirit that makes up for it. Like, imagine being yeeted out of the home you love at, say, 20 to confront all kinds of perils and nightmares?
We are tasked with empathizing with that guy. Still guileless, though not untouched by grief. Introverted, loyal, compassionate, and incredibly giving and supportive. He gave himself for the World, and he never got to enjoy his life fully afterwards. And unlike Book!Frodo, he didn't even get to carve out his place in The Shire for 17 years prior to this sacrifice. That should be enough to admire and respect him; the fact that he took a burden no one should carry upon himself, before even fully defining who he would be someday, and have that choice taken by the trauma of what he went through.
It is a beautiful task. Frodo's merit and worth are not based on how well he adjusts to the audience's expectations of what a male main character has to be. It is not dependant on cinematic conventions or ideas of "acceptable" masculinity. The unspoken, invisible emotional labor (a job that is asigned to women according to Western gender roles) of having endured the Ring's sway for over a year is enough proof of his good character as an individual. And sure, we can lament what was lost or changed in adaptation. But Movie!Frodo is not less noble for being different. And I personally really like this recontextualization of his character, I consider it a poignant writing choice. And please, how can anyone ever not appreciate Elijah Wood's job as Frodo?? He's incredible at embodying this younger, but still as admirable version of him.
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genderqueerdykes · 6 months ago
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as someone who is asexual and a trans man (amongst other things, i'm agender and xenic but also a man and prefer calling myself a trans man over masc + don't like calling myself under the non-binary umbrella label), seeing this massive wave of transandrophobia pop up has only made me feel more afraid online. 2016 alone was a detriment to my life, as i had just figured out what asexuality was and how that label fit me perfectly. only to find a wave of people who don't find me "queer enough" to call myself queer! i feel like i'm reliving those days again, as i've noticed a lot of trends in how people who are aphobic and/or transandrophobic tend to have similar arguments. "this side has it so much worse so you should shut up and stay in your lane" rhetoric has made me a lot more frustrated to exist in queer spaces. i don't have the space irl (due to where i live as well as my age being an issue in this regard) and having the space online just feels like this massive argument of erasure and negativity where i do not exist to these people, you know? apologies for the vent about this, at first i was going to try to articulate some sort of point about this and how trans men and asexual people are often put into this little erasure and confused person box but i sorta lost the point. mb
yeesh, i'm sorry you've gone through this. it really does seem like there's another wave of mass aphobia and aphobia, as well as transandrophobia coming to an all time high. it's really disturbing. i'm a trans man who's aromantic and on the asexual spectrum but that doesn't erase the fact that i'm queer. i've never understood why people say that aromanticism and asexuality aren't queer identities. like how? society expects very specific kinds of relationships out of all of us. if we don't fall into those types of relationships, or don't have the same kind of relationship with sexuality and romance, we're treated like shit and dehumanized. how is that not something that falls outside of the cultural norm?
people are just proudly being assholes again at this stage. it feels like rude ass people simmer down for a while and then get pissed the fuck off again in a never ending cycle. people don't like change. they don't want to have to change how they see other people. people become very attached to the versions of other that live in their heads and their heads alone. i don't really get why people who aren't/weren't a queer identity feel like they get to tell other people what it's about.
if you aren't or weren't that thing, how would you know? that makes no sense. it's just talking over people at this point. i hope things improve for you, and everyone in general. this is just sad behavior. it's toxic and abusive. it's hurting people in real time
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mirai-e-jump · 9 months ago
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Uchusen Vol.186 (Autumn 2024) Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger | Detail of Super Sentai ft. Main Cast Interviews (translation below)
Publication: October 1, 2024 (between episode 31-32)
Iuchi Haruhi x Hayama Yuki x Suzuki Miu Saito Ryu x Soma Satoru x Miyazawa Yu
"Filming will start to move into the endgame, so do you feel that your teamwork is now fully established?"
Iuchi: If we're talking about team work……to be honest, yesterday, including Hashiyasume-san, the seven of us went out to eat for the first time (laughs).
Suzuki: She'd been talking about "wanting to go" for awhile, and it just so happened that we all finished filming together, so when we invited her she said, "Definitely, let's go!" We all ate yakitori together and had alot of fun!
Soma: It was an exciting time.
Suzuki: It was fun, wasn't it? We saw new sides of each other.
Iuchi: We're often split up when we go out to eat, but this was the first time we were all together with Hashiyasume-san included.
Suzuki: Still, since there's always someone who can't make it, that might've also been the first time all six of us were together.
Hayama: That may be true. However, when we went out to eat, Hashiyasume-san said, "I know this is alittle late, but I don't know you guys very well," and so we introduced ourselves again. We started with basic info, such as our ages and the agencies we belong to (laughs).
Suzuki: When I came back to my seat after leaving for abit, Hashiyasume-san was saying things like, "Everyone's doing their best!," but what were you guys talking about?
Soma: I think it was about our auditions for Boonboomger. Hashiyasume-san asked us, "How'd you all get in?" and when we said, "We had to do countless auditions……" she was like "That must've been tough!"
Suzuki: Ah, I didn't know that.
"Was that the first time you spoke about private matters?"
Miyazawa: Outside of filming, yeah.
Suzuki: When we're filming, we don't have that much time to talk. That's why it's been alot of fun talking about so many different things!
"In the first place, when you're filming every day, you don't have much time for your private lives."
Hayama: Also, on the topic of food……in the curry shop run by the Hashiriyans, the four of them - Ishiro, Jou, Sakito and Byun Diesel, finish eating curry in one bite (episode 31), but those scenes were filmed with us eating normally and then being sped up in the broadcast. However, when filming, Miyazawa-kun was eating so slowly……Ryu and I kept acting as if we were scooping at curry that was already gone so that the timing for the end of the meal would match. It was already really late, and when I glanced over halfway through, his still hadn't decreased at all (laughs).
Miyazawa: Ideally, the four of us should've finished eating at the same time. That's why before filming, when everyone was nervous and said, "Will we be able to eat all of it?," I said stuff like, "Don't worry, in fact, if you're nervous, you won't be able to eat, so it's best not to tense up." However…….once we started and I looked up at Ryu in front of me, by the time I had eaten about a third of mine, he was already halfway done with his, and I thought to myself, "This ain't good"……
Suzuki: I'd be in a hurry (laughs).
Miyazawa: It's good because you guys are young, but once you get older, you won't be able to take it all in. I did my best to shovel it in my mouth in one go, but I just can't swallow it at all.
Hayama: When I had about three bites left, Ryu had already finished eating, but even though he was told, "Keep acting like you're eating," for some reason, he just waited patiently, which was also funny (laughs). Furthermore, when I saw Byundi in front of me, he couldn't eat because he was wearing a mask, so he had to continue to pretend to eat. More than that, Sakito, who was across from me, looked like he was in pain while eating, and it was really hard to hold back my laughter in that moment (laughs).
Miyazawa: I'm often teased because of my age. You guys oughta have alittle more respect for your elders! (laughs).
Hayama: We're always screwing with him (laughs).
Suzuki: It's proof that we're good friends, don't you think? (laughs).
"The story is also becoming more and more interesting."
Miyazawa: Recently, I think Genba's withdrawal (episode 27) is definitely worth watching. Satoru made the atmosphere serious, and I got the feeling that "we also had to do our best."
Suzuki: Normally, he really screws around (laughs), but when it comes to work, his face changes. I also think it's amazing that he always observes and studies the performance of Ono-san, his Suit Actor.
Iuchi: Is it just me, or does his acting seem to have gotten even more colorful recently?
Hayama: For some reason, I feel like Satoru-kun's expressions have changed recently.
"Does this mean that the role has become your own?"
Soma: No, no, I am honored though (laughs). Still, since the focus is on Genba due to his withdrawal, I feel that I have to work harder, and there are parts of his past that'll be revealed and foreshadowing resolved, so I have to make sure that I clearly convey them. I feel that this awareness is stronger than ever before.
"Is it also challenging to do the makeup when you change into his Bureki form?"
Soma: On its own, the makeup only takes about an hour, but I think the challenging part is for the makeup artist rather than myself (laughs). First I'm filmed as Genba, become Bureki after that, and then was filmed as Genba once more, so that was abit challenging. As for some behind the scenes stories……my skin is fairly tan, but when you combine that with the long white hair, it ends up giving me an unintended "gyaruo" look (laughs), so I use foundation to whiten my skin abit.
Saito: I think the contacts are also pretty challenging, no?
Soma: I wear colored contacts when I'm Bureki, but the pupils are vertical just like a cat's. However, when I blink, the pupils can't help but spin around and the angle becomes misaligned, so we have to reangle them every time.
Suzuki: Because of that, you try not to blink as much as possible during filming. Even though your eyes are drier than usual when you have contacts in, it's alot of trouble since you can't blink.
Soma: Still, there are some eye performances where you deliberately blink, right? That's why when we were filming in dry places, there were times when my contacts would fall out.
"Nevertheless, Genba's withdrawal was a shocking and abrupt development."
Soma: It was a huge development, I didn't expect that I'd be leaving.
Miyazawa: The scene where Genba walks away was good.
Hayama: It was good, wasn't it? It was abit dark on set that day of that shoot.
Soma: The mood was pretty rough.
Iuchi: On the way home too, everyone was silent.
Suzuki: Everyone was depressed……
Saito: Furthermore, the following week, Genba was removed from the opening. In addition, it starts from the end of the previous episode and leads into the opening, and Zawa-nii and I were saying, "This definitely isn't gonna be good for the people watching!"
Suzuki: You know about the picture of that girl who cried "Don't quit!" that was sent to Satorun on SNS, right?
Soma: I thought, "Yeah, I'm sorry"……but, well, it's my job.
Suzuki: To shatter her dreams even further?! (laughs).
Miyazawa: I wanted to tell her, "Just hold out alittle longer!"
Soma: Seeing photos like that still breaks my heart. Unlike in the past, we can now see direct reactions on SNS, but I have mixed feelings about this, as it's both gratifying and saddening (laughs).
"The untransformed action scenes seem to have increased, but what do you think about filming action?"
Hayama: I really don't have much confidence in myself. I'm just trying to get by with the power of editing.
Miyazawa: Episodes like the boxing one (episode 29) were really cool.
Hayama: That was through the power of editing (laughs).
Saito: Still, didn't BoonBlue's Suit Actor Yone-san (Yoneoka Takahiro) say, "I was very impressed with Yuki-kun's action skills"?
Suzuki: I guess you "leveled up" without even realizing it, huh?
Hayama: No, I've done nothing but work on my body. Around the beginning, I talked to Takahiro-kun about how I was, "Curious about the difference in our body shape before and after transforming." Takahiro seemed to also be concerned about that.
Suzuki: Yone-san's build is pretty amazing, isn't it? (laughs).
Hayama: I was really slender at the time, and we wanted to create a stronger link between us, so we decided on it with, "Alright, Takahiro-kun will lose weight and I'll get bulkier."
Suzuki: You were like, "Let's just meet in the middle" (laughs).
Hayama: Right, we decided to compromise with each other, so maybe that's why I started going to the gym. I was never the exercising type, but I feel like I have alot more stamina now.
Suzuki: Did Yone-san ever get thin?
Hayama: Takahiro-kun is actually fairly thin. The last time I saw him in his BoonBlue suit, it was wrinkled and had alittle extra room.
Suzuki: Eh, amazing!
Hayama: That really surprised me.
Miyazawa: Yuki was happy too.
Hayama: I was very happy (laughs).
"What other action scenes impressed you the most?"
Iuchi: While in his Bureki form, Satoru-kun did some wire action, and it was amazing.
Soma: I was able to do it because I had practiced in advance, but it was still more difficult than I had imagined. You have to balance in the air, so you've got to have a strong core.
Saito: When I looked at you after it was over, you had marks all over your body from the wire rubbing against you.
Soma: I didn't realize it while I was doing it.
Hayama: The action reminded me of the scene in the episode where Sakito first appears (episode 16), where he and Taiya fight in the parking garage. That was really cool, and Haruhi's athletic ability……I was surprised it wasn't terrible (laughs). Well, it's not that Haruhi's ability isn't good, it's just my own biased opinion.
Suzuki: Haruhi-kun's hobbies include reading and playing the guitar, so you can't help but get the impression that he's an indoor person. And yet, when he does action, he's actually very lively.
Miyazawa: Surprisingly, he likes exercising and action, and when we play futsal together, he has more fun than anyone else.
Iuchi: Personally, I'm really jealous that Genba takes on an alien form. That's why I've been appealing to the Directors and Producers with, "How about a development where Taiya also becomes an alien?" When I become an alien, I'd like to do some wire action, cause some explosions with napalm shooting out of my hands, and in the end, fall into some water and vanish.
Soma: In other words, you just want to do all the actions that only tokusatsu can offer, so it's basically just an "assortment of things you wanna do" (laughs).
Miyazawa: Seems like a happy meal of tokusatsu actions (laughs).
"What developments are you looking forward to in the future?"
Iuchi: What I'm most concerned about now is Sakito. When I watch, I feel that he still hasn't become a member of Boonboomger, or rather, he's become one of them, but his position is alittle different from the other members. He's always with Byundi, and they tend to act separately from us.
"You're not wrong, they give off the vibes that make them seem like a separate team."
Iuchi: Right. So, as the story progresses, and we all move toward our dream of the BBG, will Sakito move forward with us, or will he go off somewhere else?……
Miyazawa: It's true that Taiya and the others have big dreams, but Sakito's goals haven't been revealed in the main story yet. Previously he said, "My dream is to watch the fireworks with you guys."
Suzuki: That was an easily achievable goal (laughs). Still, that scene turned out cool.
Miyazawa: We may find out about it in the future, or maybe it just hasn't been made clear yet.
Suzuki: That being said, while each of them is depicted as growing, Taiya's still one step behind, and there's something mysterious about him. I'm pretty curious to see how he'll grow from here.
Miyazawa: Regarding Taiya, although his growth is depicted through things like his battles with Madrex, I get the impression that there's still alot that hasn't been revealed about him. Other than that, the only other story that focused on him was the episode of his first love (episode 24).
Suzuki: That's right.
"As we reach the climax, will this be discussed together along with the situation regarding Naito Raita-san?"
Iuchi: Yes, a disturbing topic will be brought up (laughs). Depending on how things unfold, I might cry for real.
Suzuki: We also don't know anything yet.
Hayama: Taiya and Naito-san are old acquaintances.
Iuchi: There may even be an episode where Taiya withdraws……?
Saito: Is that because all you want to do is use napalm and fall into water?
Iuchi: I've been caught (laughs).
Hayama: I also wonder how Tokoyari Eiichiro-san, the ISA Director, will interact with us in the future. He has a connection with Ishiro, but it hasn't been depicted in detail yet, so he's almost certainly going to be an enemy.
Suzuki: Well, that's how he's been portrayed (laughs).
Hayama: I'm really curious to see how he'll clash with us in the future.
Iuchi: I'm saying this as a viewer, but I'm also curious to see what'll happen to the Sanseaters. There are alot of fans of the Voice Actors, and while they're villains, they're characters that you just can't hate.
Hayama: In that sense, this job is a dream come true for an anime lover like me. Like, there's Morikubo Showtaro-san who plays Disrace……
Suzuki: In any case, the Voice Actors are just too extravagant.
Hayama: I had the chance to talk with Madrex's Kamiya-san the other day, and his natural voice was just like the soldier captain in that one anime. I thought, "I'm talking to my idol right now!," and my excitement was steadily cranking up (laughs).
"This is a benefit only Sentai can offer."
Suzuki: When I observe the Voice Actors recording, I can tell that the way they use their voices are completely different. It's not so much the volume of their voice, but the tone, like the way it resonates even if they don't speak loudly.
Hayama: When I observe Voice Actors recording, they're on such a different level, that I honestly wonder, "How do I even learn what to do?" (laughs).
Suzuki: Still, when I spoke with Bundorio's Matsumoto Rika-san, she told me, "We Voice Actors play the characters, but since everyone acts out the characters themselves and then provide their own voices after they transform, I think it's better if you do it in your natural voice for realism." That's definitely something I agree with.
"And now finally, please give a message to the fans."
Miyazawa: I think the story is gradually reaching its climax, but I wonder how everyone in Boonboomger will grow and develop from now on…..the same is true for Genba, but I'm sure we'll be able to see each person's own vision, including their relationship with Sakito and the Sanseaters, who tend to act alone, so I hope that you'll pay attention to this area and enjoy the story to the very end as it reaches the most interesting part.
Soma: Lately, I think each and every episode has been pretty intense, including what Genba's been doing since he left, but I wonder how the Boonboomgers will reunite from here. In the future, I think there'll be a boss to fight towards the end, and there's really alot left that's yet to be revealed. Even with that in mind, you'll still be able to enjoy it, and I think it's an interesting enough show that you could watch again from the beginning to check for the foreshadowing!
Hayama: Including the six of us, each character and their backgrounds are being depicted more and more intensely as of late. Especially now that Taiya and the others dreams of the BBG are being discussed in more detail, I'm also looking forward to seeing what'll happen. Then of course, there's Champion Boonboomger. I hope you'll enjoy the new evolution of the Boonboomgers.
Suzuki: Boonboomger is a group of professionals known by "-ers" and I think they're strong because it's a group of six people who each have their own strengths. However, with Genba's departure, I'm sure that it's not only us, but also the viewers who have been able to realize how significant it is when one person is missing. I hope you'll look forward to the drama of whether Genba will come back and what his friends will do.
Saito: The ultimate goal of Boonboomgers story is the BBG, but I think there are many more details to be explored, including Genba's story, so please look forward to that first. Also, please pay attention to the guest appearance of ToQger! This is the most recent appearance of a senior Sentai following Go-Onger, so I hope you'll look forward to future developments and seeing what kind of "spice" they'll add to Boonboomger.
Iuchi: When Genba left in episode 27, there was alot of reactions like, "He'll come back soon, right?," but even after a few weeks, he still hasn't come back. Including the appearance of Champion Boonboomger, I hope you'll pay attention to how everyone in Boonboomger grows by overcoming this predicament. Also, this was a personal request and something to look forward to, but although there was a story about Taiya's first love during his childhood, the very core of his past, such as "I can't sit still when I hear a scream," hasn't been explored yet. That's why I think It'd be good if we could delve deeper into Taiya's roots, along with his relationship with Naito-san. I'm really looking forward to it myself, and I hope that the fans will enjoy it too!
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beifong-brainrot · 9 months ago
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Using the Avatar state scenes as an example and saying this is katara relationship with aang is so vile 🤦‍♂️
https://www.tumblr.com/sunandmoongobrrr/662596151677190144?source=share
Ugh this take again. It honestly always exhausts me to see this because the thing about Aang going into the Avatar state is that it is, at it's core, a defence mechanism. Aang goes into it in life threatening situations, or otherwise, incredibly distressing situations. I've even pointed out its similarities to panic attacks:
Katara is an incredibly empathetic person, and she is able to emphasise with Aang's pain. Because a) she's just that type of person and b) her and Aang share the trauma of genocide and loss.
Katara's interactions with Aang when he is in the Avatar's state aren't based around tempering his anger, but providing comfort and reassurance. It almost seems that Katara just reminding Aang that she is there and that she cares is usually enough to calm him which makes sense. Because, at the core of it, Aang's greatest pain, likely the root of most of his nrgative emotions is that he is the last airbender. His people are dead, have been dead for ages. He is alone, the last of his kind, and it destroys him.
Aang: [To the winged-lemur.] You, me and Appa; we're all that's left of this place. [Looks at the lemur.] We have to stick together.
Enter Katara, who reassures Aang that she is with him, that she cares, that she won't leave him. Because she sees that he is hurting. She hugs him as normal people hug their friend when they are upset, and later, when their relationship is more established, it's just enough for her to make eye contact with him and remind him that she's there.
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Katara : Aang! I know you're upset and I know how hard it is to lose the people you love. I went through the same thing when I lost my mom. Monk Gyatso and the other airbenders may be gone, but you still have a family. Sokka and I! We're your family now!
And I truly don't think Katara does this out of a sense of obligation or fear. She does this because she sees her friend, and later, romantic partner, is hurting. And she knows that pain intimately. So she offers her comfort. Of her own free will, because she cares.
Katara : Do you remember when we were at the air temple and you found Monk Gyatso's skeleton? It must have been so horrible and traumatic for you. I saw you get so upset that you weren't even you anymore. I'm not saying the Avatar State doesn't have incredible and helpful power ... but you have to understand ... for the people who love you, watching you be in that much rage and pain is really scary.
I think the emphasis on "the people who love you" is important here. Katara isn't afraid of the Avatar state itself. She is saddened and scared for Aang, because she knows he is in pain. And he is someone she loves, be that platonically, or romantically.
Side note; I always found it so cool that when Aang went into the Avatar State in the Avatar State episode and wreaked havoc on general Fong's base, Katara, who was literally in the middle of it, remained completely unharmed.
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See, the theme with Avatar is that holding onto anger and pain can be incredibly self destructive. We see this, of course, with Zuko, but also with Aang and Katara.
Of course, we're shown how one's anger affects others, but we also see how painful it can be on oneself. Which is a very poignant theme that isn't often explored.
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This is what Aang was trying to communicate to Katara in The Southern Raiders. And this is what people like this, who commented under OP's post don't get.
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Oh, something crazy? Like for example going against her entire morality and do something she might regret for the rest of her life? That type of crazy? Hell, look at how strongly "The Southern Raiders" ties back to "The Puppetmaster", an episode about a victimised Southern Waterbender driven to near madness by her grief pain, and rage.
Aang isn't stopping Katara from feeling anger, he's trying to make sure she doesn't do something that will weigh on her and compromise her morals and ideals, because he knows how important they are to her.
Aang: The monks used to say that revenge is like a two-headed rat viper. While you watch your enemy go down, you're being poisoned yourself.
Hell, he even supports and believes in her, letting her take Appa and believing she would make the choice right for her. Which she did, in the end.
Aang: I wasn't planning to. This is a journey you need to take. You need to face this man. But when you do, please don't choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.
And no, I don't think he was trying to save face, since he has never had a problem disagreeing with Katara before, for example in the Avatar State episode, where he followed his sense of duty as the Avatar, despite acknowledging and valuing her criticisms of the matter.
Aang and Katara's relationship is one of mutual support, particularly in helping alleviate each others pain, since they are both genocide survivours, both lost a parental figure to the fire nation, both value their cultures and desperately try to perserve them etc.
I think some excellent aymbolism of this can be in how Aang tries to help Katara with her dismay and discomfort around losing her mother's necklace, something she's expressed was very valuable to her due to her loss. First by making a symbollic replacement, and then risking himself by retrieving the necklace from Zuko.
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I also genuinely enjoy that in both of these instances, Katara put the necklace on herself? Like it would be so easy to just make a cliche meaningful scene where Aang puts it on her and "proposes" but theres almost something more appealing to me of Katara taking the necklace from Aang and putting it on completely on her own.
Katara does not need Aang to calm her down when she's angry, because, with the exception of the Southern Raiders, her anger is usually benign squabbling which is completely normal 14 year old behaviour. Wheras for Aang, his anger usually rears its head on rare occasions when he's in deep distress.
But Aang is there to comfort Katara, to bolster her confidence, to support her, make sure she's having fun almost whenever she needs it.
These are just a few examples of Aang providing comfort to Katara.
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These actions may not be as bombastic and awe worthy as Katara ripping Aang out of a state of deity like power, but they are nonetheless important to Katara and make a big difference.
Aang and Katara's live language with each other is providing comfort, in any way they can. Be it by alleviating anger and pain, making the other feel good about themself, or connecting over the horrific genocides that brutally deprived them of their loved ones. You know, just normal couple things 💗
And this is where I could slander Zutara, but I'll simply tactfully say that Zuko... prioritised things other than Katara's comfort and happiness.
Also, incredibly rich that one of OP's examples of Aang going into the Avatar state out of anger was in the comics. OP neglected, however, to include the scene leading up to this where Aang is extremely calm and nonconfrontational until Zuko grabs Katara and refuses to let go of her despite both Aang and Katara telling him he's hurting her and then attacking Aang after Aang knocks him away from Katara.
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Like hun this is not a good look.
And another point I'd like to raise is this persob in the comments who apparently watched the show blindfolded.
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why are we still here just to suffer etc etc. Like have you folks even watched the show why do you have beef with a twelve year old who commited the crime of loving a girl his age. If you're that fucking upset about it you can just not have him do that in your mind palace you don't have to pick violence.
Aang is a genuinely amazing character who deserves so much more than what his haters say. It's fine if he's not your fave character I just don't understand why people have to be dicks about it.
Genuinely the only good thing I get from examining this type of bullshit rethoric is that it lets me inspect Kataang more closely and find new things I genuinely love about it.
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thebestofoneshots · 2 years ago
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Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)
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Series Masterlist | Previous episode
Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 7.5 K Warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence. (Reader discretion is advised). Prompt: We need to talk. This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.
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Chapter 24: Peace of Mind
10:00 November 24th, 1976
You waited for the girls to fall asleep and used a combination of spells to sneak out without being noticed. Lily had changed your bandages before bed and you had gladly let her, Sirius’ words reverberating in your head as she did “ Don’t be so stubborn and let us help!”
Perhaps you’d have to use those same words with Remus later on. Little after telling him you were sorry for hurting him so bad and asking him to please not hate you for the rest of his life. As you walked towards the infirmary with the disillusionment charm, the same charm you had used so often since you arrived at Hogwarts that you had pretty much mastered it. Your charm was almost as deceiving as James’ invisibility cloak, logically you knew it’d never match its greatness, but you could definitely get close.
At least enough to sneak past Peeves who was busy rearranging all the portraits on one of the halls so they were all upside down, you heard the paintings complain as he shook them about for good measure. You winced, I wouldn’t want to be any of those portraits, you thought, but continued on your way to the infirmary. As you walked you pulled the sleeves of your quidditch sweater over your hands, the temperature had dropped a little that night and you felt a stark contrast between the cold you felt then and how hot you had felt earlier in the passages with Sirius, you flushed a little when the images came back you your mind, the hunger you had felt had been so overwhelming it felt like a dream. 
You took another breath, still feeling cold. Was being sensible to temperature changes also because of the bit of lycanthropy running through your system at that point? Did poor Remus have to deal with them so often? Maybe that was why he always carried around some kind of sweater, in case it got chilly and he felt it a little more strongly than the rest. 
Once you arrived at the big infirmary doors you looked at them for a minute and waited, taking a deep breath as you stared. You had gotten word that Pomfrey usually retired to her chambers at 11:30 PM, after curfew and once she made sure all the children in the infirmary –if there were any– had fallen asleep. Her chambers were close enough so she could rush back in, in case of an emergency with the children, and she had some house elves check on the children often. 
You were thankful you had made friends with Myrtle since she had been the one to provide you with so much detailed information. Information that she had eavesdropped out a couple of years ago when Sirius, James and Peter were planning how to get into the infirmary since no one allowed them to visit Remus. 
You had also gone to talk to Numbletwist earlier that day, to try and figure out if there would be any elves in the infirmary that night. She shook her head, telling you that they were often called off when students got sick around the full moon. She said it was probably because Poppy liked to stay extra attentive of things. You had nodded and thanked her profusely for the information. Scurrying away with the excuse of needing to rest before she asked why you wanted to know. 
You heard a bit of rattling and then one of the doors opened up, she walked outside, using her wand to illuminate her path, and you sneaked in and hid behind one of the beds, even if you still had the disillusionment charm, you knew it was better safe than sorry. And Poppy definitely had better eyesight than most witches her age. She turned off the rest of the lights in the infirmary and closed the door behind her, but you stayed crouching behind the bed. 
You stood there, breathing steady as you slowly pushed yourself up to peer over the bed and check whether Remus was asleep or awake. He seemed to be waiting for Poppy to leave too, since a couple of minutes later he lifted himself up, accommodating a pillow and pulling his wand out. He used Lumus to see better as he looked through the drawer of his night table, grabbing onto a book and settling it over his lap. 
Great, Remus really had no plan to sleep soon then, you shrank into Vixen and walked over to Remus, sneaking in below his bed and onto the other side, where you could keep an eye on the door just in case. Once you manage to collect your thoughts you sprung back into human form. Remus jumped from his spot in the bed when you appeared out of nowhere. 
“Sorry to startle you,” you whispered with a bit of a frown, regret evident in your tone. 
“Little Witch?” he asked as he blinked a couple of times, trying to decipher if the way the low blue light from the stars and the waning moon shone behind your figure was all part of a dream or whether you really were there again. In truth, he had smelled you minutes earlier, but he assumed perhaps he was just picking up your scent from the chocolates you kept bringing over, or he was so drudged with potions that he was now smelling you like you really were there. And it wouldn’t be uncommon, he had dreamed of you so often lately that you standing there might really just be yet another one. But the way the light cast a halo behind you was too realistic to be part of his imagination “What are you doing here?” 
“You’ve been avoiding me,” you said simply. 
Remus stiffened and froze as if he had seen a basilisk, but then shook his head “I wasn’t… I didn’t–” 
“–It’s ok,” you cut him off “I get it, I understand why you wouldn’t want to see me, and I’m sorry, I’m sorry I was stubborn and I’m sorry I jinxed you and I’m sorry I had the Whomping Willow throw you to the side and I’m sorry Prongs had to gore you, several times because I couldn’t run fast enough and I’m sorry I–“ 
Remus reached for your hand, and your breath caught in your throat as you felt a small shock of electricity, “hey!” he said softly “I wasn’t avoiding you because I’m angry at you.” 
Remus’ hand was warm and soft, not as soft as Sirius’ but not as tough as you imagined it would be. “Then why?” 
“I– I thought you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore,” he admitted, his hand on yours tightening “After the moon I was terrified the reason you’d come to see me was… to say goodbye. Because the friend that you thought you had was a monster, and because I couldn’t control myself as a wolf and because I’m bIoody dangerous to be around.” 
That was the second time Remus called himself a monster in front of you, you’d have none of it, “Remus,” you said, leaning in a little closer “You’re not a monster.” 
“I’m pretty sure werewolves fit in the category damn nicely,” he responded bitterly. 
“I give three fucks if they fit in the monster category, in the extra dangerous being category or in the beasts section of the library. You, Remus. My Remus, are not a monster.” 
Perhaps Remus would have realised the way you had used his name had it not been with how wrapped up in his own head he was “I could’ve killed you.” 
“You didn’t.” 
He averted your gaze “Could’ve bitten you. That’s what the wolf wanted, you know? To bite you. To turn you.” 
“But you didn’t,” you insisted. “And even if you had, we would’ve found a way to deal with it.” 
“Like how? After a bite there’s no way back, trust me, I would know.” 
“I didn’t say we’d find a way to revert it, I said we’d deal with it. Remus, I’d rather be a werewolf than lose you.” 
“You don’t know what you’re saying. I’m awful.” I’m crushing on your boyfriend, and on you for fucks sake, he thought “You’d be better off–“
You wouldn’t let him finish that phrase “–don’t bullshit me like that,” you said sternly “There isn’t a bIoody universe in which I’d be better off without you, on which any of us would. Not one!” 
“But I hurt you. Even as you ran, I chased behind you and then I dug my claws on–“ 
“–It was a scratch.”
“Stop cutting me off, damn it!” he spat, a little annoyed. “And it wasn’t a scratch, Peter told me how you shivered all night.” 
“Well then stop saying stupid shit and I will stop cutting you off!” you responded exasperated.  Then you sighed, placing one of your hands on your temple. The hand that wasn’t glued to Remus’ “freaking little Wormtail ratted me out.” you mumbled.  
“I literally kept pushing until my claws broke your soft skin, Moony could have broken your arm.” 
“I would have survived.” 
“You don’t know that!” 
“Remus. You can’t make decisions for me,” you said slowly “I knew you were a werewolf for a couple of weeks before this happened, and I never even once considered to stop being your friend.” 
“That was before…” 
“And it’s the exact same thing now,” you responded with a thin smile. “I don’t care if you’re a werewolf, I don’t care if Moony scratched me and made me hungry, and sensitive to temperatures and thirsty. I don’t care if my arm hurts or if I have to change my bandages every couple of hours and add more of Lily’s magic mixture or take painkillers. And that’s because, no matter what, you’re still Remus, and I wouldn’t want you to be any different,” you gave his hand a squeeze “I’m not gonna let you push me away because you’re terrified I might be scared of Moony.”
“But you were terrified of me! The nightmares, the boggart, the…” 
“That was before I met Moony.” 
“What?” 
“He’s beautiful Remus, you’re beautiful.” 
“What?!” he repeated, a little louder now. 
You took a deep breath “Yes, the nightmares, the beast. I was scared because a huge thing chased after me, squashing me and throwing me around countless times. But Remus, I had never gotten to see it, not really, I was too busy running away from it to pay attention. Did you know he has your eyes?” Your kind eyes, you thought. “The golden specks that are more present near the moon? I could see them, and I wasn’t scared anymore.” 
“And that was dumb, leaving my wand on the ground–“ 
“–I said I would stop interrupting if you stopped with the stupid comments.” 
“It’s the truth.” 
You wanted to argue, but it really had been a stupid thing to do, you had been so mesmerised by the wolf, that perhaps you really weren’t thinking straight. Not that it would be expected, especially after everything you had gone through previous to that. “Fine then, one part brave, three parts fool, I’m a Gryffindor after all. Regardless, I’m not scared of Moony, not anymore, not now I know It’s you.” 
“That’s stupid too,” he added, you could feel a slight change in his tone, he was a lot more relaxed now, he’s joking, you realised.
“Well you have a very stupid friend, get over it,” you joked with a smile, “Are you going to stop avoiding me now?” 
Remus sighed “How could I abandon my potions partner?” he asked, a small smirk drawing itself on his lips. 
You chuckled, your hands, the ones that were still intertwined with each other, dangled as your shoulders shook, “That’s the spirit,” you said, your sight flickering towards his hand, and the way it held yours. You brushed your thumb gently over a particularly thick scar on the back of his hand. Remus shivered, but you were so cold you assumed it was for the same reason that you would, werewolves were clearly more sensible to temperature.
“Your hand is very cold,” he said as he tightened his grip. 
“It’s freezing here,” you responded, “you feel it too, don’t you? You shivered.”
He cleared his throat “Yeah,” he lied “kinda cold.” 
“Your hand’s nice and warm tho,” you acknowledged. 
“I had it under the covers,” he lied again. He wondered why you hadn’t separated your hands, not because he wanted you to do it, but rather because he was dreading the moment you did, “how’s the arm?” He asked, nodding towards it. 
You shrugged, “It’s healing… your ribs? I broke them didn’t I?”
“It was the Whomping Willow.”
“Yeah, the tree, and my carefully executed plan.”
That had him shaking his head in amusement “How did you know it would work?” 
You swallowed, you could lie and say you used maths or highly advanced magic to calculate things to the tea, but enough secrets had been held between you and Remus already “I didn’t,” you admitted “The idea just came to me and I used my instinct to know when to jump.” 
“You’re insane,” he said with a shake of his head, he was half pissed, half amused you had managed to pull it off “and brilliant.”
You frowned, a small smile playing on your lips “I’ll take that as a compliment,” there was a silence and you leaned in to sit on the edge of the bed, careful not to hurt the boy as you sat, your head still turned to him “Tom said you’d be out tomorrow.” 
“Is that how you found out I was avoiding you?” he asked with an arched eyebrow. 
You nodded “Yeah, that and Poppy looking at me so pitifully, even Sirius seemed like he was suspicious after a while.” 
He winced “Sorry ‘bout that… But yeah, she said I could leave tomorrow, she kept me here tonight just in case.” 
“Well, thank Godric she did, this would’ve been an awkward conversation to have in front of the boys,” you teased “especially when I didn’t even let you speak.” 
“I was being twat.” 
“Yeah, you were,” you agreed, a small teasing smile on your face. He scooted slightly to the side to give you more space to sit, then pulled your hand so you moved in a little bit more. 
There was silence, a rather comfortable one, but Remus broke it, he was now rubbing circles on your hand “You were here when Pomfrey gave me the Skellegro,” he said, and then turned his gaze to you “Weren’t you?” 
You nodded “Sirius and Lily brought me over for dittany and silver dust, the scratch wasn’t healing until Lily made some a paste.” 
“So you were bleeding all night…” he said, guilt filling his expression. 
You sighed “It’s fine, I heal fast.” 
Remus looked to the side, barely spotting the bruise on your neck “Is that from when they…?” he asked, pointing towards it. 
You opened your eyes wider and pulled the collar of the sweater you were wearing up, blushing at the memory of Sirius kissing your neck as he had you flushed against the stone wall of one of the passageways “Um… I… no it’s…” 
Remus understood a sour expression playing on his face that he masked with disgust “Ugh you and Pads are gross.” 
You hit him on the arm playfully “As if you’d never done it,” you chastised “Oh.. by the way, what’s with you and Alice?” you asked with an arched eyebrow and a suggestive smile. 
Remus felt a pang in his chest, the cause was in the way you’d asked, so casually and playfully. You were clearly teasing him, and also clearly not into him. And then he cursed himself for feeling jealous, of course, she’s not into me, she’s into Sirius, her boyfriend. “We… I mean…” how the fuck do I tell her we’re only having fun without sounding like an ass? It's not like I can tell her I’m using Alice as a distraction, that’d be way worse. 
“You’re not in love with her, are you?” you asked, with a rather apprehensive tone. 
“Does that make me an asshole?” 
You shook your head “I’m sure she’s not in love either,” you said with a sigh “Todd told me she likes to have fun and then… Well, I don’t think that makes her a bad person per se, as long as she’s honest about it.” 
“She is,” he reassured, “she’s fun too.” Remus wasn’t sure fun was a very accurate description, not even close to distracting, but it seemed like the right thing to say. 
“That’s good. You deserve to have fun,” you said with a smile “Though I’m sure you’d easily find someone for a deeper connection if you were looking for it.” 
Remus scoffed, shaking his head “Yeah sure, until they find out I’m a monst–“ 
“–We’re not going to keep calling you that, Remus,” you interrupted. “And I think they would. Just think about it, all of the people who know are still there for you, no matter what. We’re here, and if someone really loved you, they would be there for you too. And if they weren’t then they don’t deserve you.” He gave you a look of disbelief “Honest, if I were dating you, and then I found out. Even if I had gone through the same thing I went through that night, I’d still date you.”
Remus wasn’t sure whether to be happy or cry at your statement “But you’re dating Sirius.” It was almost bitter the way he said it, but it slipped past you.
“Well duh, but hypothetically, I’d love you either way. And I mean, how many people can say they’re dating a sexy werewolf, that’s gotta give you some points…”
Remus grabbed one of the pillows from his side and threw it at your face, he didn’t wanna talk about depressing shit anymore. 
“Oi! What was that for?!” 
“You were getting too sappy with me,” he said with a diverted smile.
You narrowed your eyes at him, a mirroring smile on your lips “Oh you’re a twat,” you said as you hit him on the side lightly, he groaned and you winced, brows instantly furrowing in concern “Sorry…” He nodded, but a small smile showed on his soft lips, like he was holding back a laugh. You quickly realised he had faked it and hit him again in return “That’s a nasty trick, you shouldn’t take advantage of your hurt state.” 
“The one that you induced?” he said as his grin widened, teasing you again. You gasped in shock, and laughed afterwards, hitting him again a couple more times. 
“Oi, oi, that’s enough…” he said as he grabbed onto your hand, laughing along with you. 
He had been soft when he grabbed you, but he was so strong even if you had wanted to, you wouldn’t have been able to move your arm, but instead of dwelling on the boy’s strength, you just laughed merrily, leaning in so far down that your hair brushed over his chest. He could smell it, and it was as delightful as ever, perhaps a bit more now that he knew you wouldn’t avoid him just because of his condition. He took a deep breath as you laughed, almost feeling guilty for enjoying the moment so much. 
You cannot love her, it is sin, said a voice in his head as he listened to your giggles, but why does it feel like heaven then? 
“Can you turn back into the fox?” he asked, despite himself. Perhaps he was already so drunk on you, and your laughs that he wasn’t thinking straight. You turned your gaze to him, as you let your laughs die out. An arched eyebrow looking at him questioning “You got to see Moony, but I only got to see the fox through his eyes. I wanna see her with my eyes,” he reasoned, although he wasn’t sure if he was actually reasoning. 
“Seems fair enough,” you said with a shrug “It’s Vixen, by the way.” 
“Who’s Vixen?” 
“Me,” you said as if it was obvious “I mean… the fox, she is. Wormmy and Prongs chose it, Sirius said it fit.” 
Remus hummed in response “It certainly does,” he said as he looked at you, the blue moonlight was still illuminating your features, and you certainly looked as charming as ever, tantalising, beguiling even. And the small cut on your lip? The one that he had noticed since the day at the Shrieking Shack and hadn’t disappeared from your face yet, along with the hickey Sirius had left on your neck, made you look as fierce as ever. 
Remus wondered for a second what it would feel like to leave a matching one on the other side of your neck, what would it feel like for Sirius to leave one on his? He knew he was yearning for something he couldn’t have, alas, he had yearned for a normal life so often, he was already used to the feeling. But his fantasies about being normal were never as sweet as his fantasies of you, of Sirius. Of either of your lips attached to his neck or his lips attached to yours, to Sirius’s silky pale skin or to your soft velvety neck. To your collarbone, to the indents that made it almost impossible for him to look back at your face. He remembered you in your Halloween costume again, he remembered Sirius’s devilish smile and matching outfit, and he had to adjust the bedsheets underneath, clearing his throat as he tried to get back on earth. 
It’s Moony’s fault, It’s Moony’s fault! Did she notice? Will she buy it if I tell her that? 
“Is it really a good idea for me to turn into Vixen here? Isn’t it like… dangerous for your wounds and stuff?” 
Remus frowned, buffing diverted “You’ve got rabies or something?”
You gasped again “Of course I don’t! How would you feel if I asked you the same thing?!” He shrugged in response and you considered hitting him again. “Fine then,” you said “but I will bite if you try anything weird.” 
“Define anything weird…” he teased. 
“I’d rather bite instead,” you retorted “It’ll be my payback for the scratch,” you said with a diverted smile before shrinking into Vixen. You were still on the bed as Remus looked at you. You were small, smaller than normal, and certainly smaller than Padfoot, a good deal less than half as tall as him.
“So you are a little witch in the end,” he teased as he looked at you, you bared your teeth at him for a second, and turned your head, “Aww… don’t be like that!” You shook your head and walked a little closer to him, feeling the soft bed give way under your paws.
You stared at him curiously, and you understood why he wanted to see you as a fox so much, it was completely different, the way in which you perceived someone being animal or human. Remus, for example, seemed a lot bigger when you looked at him from the eyes of Vixen. You could also feel the heat radiating from him, which is why you had almost instinctively walked closer. And just like you had been lured by Moony when you left the wand on the floor, Vixen seemed to somehow be lured by Remus. 
You wondered if you were to lose your mind, and be more fox than human, would you still feel just as beguiled by the boy?
Remus was still looking at you when he extended his hand as if he wanted to pet you, but he pulled it back seconds later when he remembered Peter had once straight up bit him when he tried to do it for the first time, and you had threatened to bite. But what you did instead was surprising, since you walked closer and placed your head underneath his extended palm, nuzzling into it like a cat would. 
When Remus started brushing his fingers over your head you leaned in closer, allowing him to scratch just behind your ears, which had you relax so much you almost allowed yourself to lay on the bed. When he pulled away his hand you nuzzled his arm with your nose, so he would come back “Needy, aren’t we?” he teased. You didn’t even care to respond. His hands were so big they almost covered your entire head, and so warm too, it was like having a heated blanket that also gave massages. 
Maybe it was the canine side of you, but he started scratching a particular spot that had you wagging your tail like a small puppy. Remus laughed when he noticed “You still cold?” he asked when he felt your cold paw brush against his forearm. You nuzzled closer to his hand in response. “Wanna come here?” he asked, patting his chest. You tilted your head, looking at his chest rise and fall, still feeling the heat coming from it.  
Maybe it’s weird, shouldn’t have aske– Remus didn’t get to finish his thoughts, you had already climbed all the way up to his chest, fast and careful, trying to avoid the side where you knew the Whomping Willow had hit him. He smiled as you nuzzled your entire body against him, allowing your tail to almost wrap itself around you, bringing a little more warmth into the equation. You then bumped your head against his chest softly. 
“What’s that little witch? You want me to pet you some more?” he asked, but he wasn’t teasing this time, the cocky undertone you’d heard earlier completely gone this time around. You allowed your head to rest and closed your eyes as you moved up and down along his every breath. 
Eventually, he brought his hand over you again, this time resting it over your back, and moving it softly along your fur, with soft strokes from your head to your mid back, your only reaction was to close your eyes and enjoy the way his fingers intertwined with your fur. You wondered if cuddling with Sirius as a fox would feel just as nice and decided you’d have to ask him to try, even if you had no idea how you’d put that into words. 
Either way, Remus was awfully good at cuddling: big, warm, heavy hands, and a total people pleaser. You realised when he figured out the spot that made your tail waggle and focus his scratches there from then on. You had been so comfortable with the boy, that you didn’t even notice the moment you fell asleep. He did see you; and was extra quiet for a while, the only sound being the one of his breaths and your light snoring, or what sounded like snoring at least, Remus wasn’t sure if foxes actually had the ability to snore. 
He had been admiring the way you slept, so peaceful, and so beautiful too, he was sure all the foxes would fall for you in the forest if they met you, not that he would allow any of them to lay a paw on you. Which he then realised might have been one of the stupidest things to ever cross his mind. But at least he wasn’t thinking of you and Sirius. Except when he was and he forced himself to look back at Vixen, letting his anxiety melt away as he continued to brush his hands over your soft red fur. 
And as his anxiety left, so did most of his negative thoughts, and he was engulfed in this ever so peaceful stance that he was sure to cuddle Vixen for the rest of his life had he the chance. After some time, he too started feeling sleepy, his eyelids heavy and his stroking slower, lazier, he too fell asleep. And you must have stayed like that, sleeping on top of him, your slight weight comforting him the same way a weighted blanket would, for at least a couple of hours. Since next thing you knew, there was a high-pitched scream and you felt yourself being pushed off Remus with the force of a spell. 
You fell on your leg and let out a cry of pain, you were rather confused when you noticed the woman that had used a spell against you had been no other than Madam Pomfrey. 
“Wait no! Poppy, stop!” you heard Remus say, panicked and sitting up on the bed to get the woman’s attention. You shook your head and attempted to stand, only for your leg to give in again. You huffed, and while wincing, forced yourself up. You saw Pomfrey approaching you, her wand still in her hands as she pointed it at you. 
You took a couple of steps back, feeling a sharp pain whenever you moved your front leg. “She’s my pet!” Remus said, “Don’t hurt her.”
Pomfrey seemed distracted by the boy’s words and you took that as a chance to scurry under one of the beds and then all the way to the door. 
Every step was agonising, but the adrenaline kept you going all the way to the door that seemed to have shown up out of nowhere. You looked to the sides of the hall to make sure there was no one around before springing back into your human form and pushing the door open, getting in and closing it behind you. You could feel the stickiness of your arm. 
Evans is going to kill me, you thought as you leaned in on the door, allowing yourself to rest for a second before turning to look at the place you had ended up in. And when you did you were surprised, since it looked just like the infirmary, you frowned, and opened the door to see if you had run to the same place that you’d left, but it was positively a different hallway. Different paintings, different statues, different doors, it’s definitely not the same place, you thought.
You went back in after a second and looked around again, now clutching your wounded arm, and tilted your head as you stared. Upon closer inspection, it was most definitely not the same infirmary either. In fact, near the back, there was a rather large mirror and a supply closet near it, the infirmary had large windows instead. You walked near the middle of the room and looked around you, there weren’t many beds either, and the place seemed to be filled with things that could be useful. From warm blankets to a sink and clean rags close to it. 
You blinked a couple of times, taking it all in, the usefulness, the door that seemed to have shown up out of nowhere, you let out a short breath, realisation hitting you  “The Room of Requirements,” you whispered. 
Then started nodding, hyping yourself up for what you’d have to do next. You turned around to see if there was a clock somewhere, which there indeed was, a huge grandfather clock near the door, it was 4 am, and you had just enough time to clean things up and go back to your room, change and get back to class.  
You took your shirt off and winced when you realised the bIoody bandage, if you kept acting so recklessly, you weren’t sure it was ever actually going to heal. You walked towards the sink, and wet one of the rags before passing it over the broken flesh. You winced as the warm piece of cloth passed over the open part of the wound. You stared at it for a second once it was clean, even after all the misadventures, it certainly looked better than it had done the previous night. But it hurt just as much as it had, the painkillers might have been wearing thin by then. 
You walked towards the supply closet, your vision a little blurry due to the sharp pain. Luckily the first thing you spotted was some painkillers,  you instantly drank a bit of it and placed the rest in your pocket. You kept rummaging through it and found dried dittany leaves and some silver dust. So you grabbed a mortar, and some beeswax and mugwort, which were the few things you remembered Lily had used to make her green paste, and recreated it to the best of your abilities. With your dominant arm incapacitated -and drowning in pain since the painkillers hadn’t done their thing- you clenched the mortar handle in your other hand and started to mix.
Once the paste was ready, you washed your hand and with trembling fingers, you gingerly spread the paste across the open wound. A couple of tears started streaming down your cheeks as you did. You must have missed something when you made the paste since instead of making you feel instant relief, it stung like hell for what felt like an eternity before gradually numbing the pain.
Once you had gone through most of the scratch you used the back of your hand to wipe your tears and sniffed as you took some more in your finger, hesitating for a second before biting your lip and finally placing the paste on the parts that you hadn’t covered yet.
When you finished with it, you felt utterly drained. The pain was still there, your arm had even started to throb. You let your head fall back and considered just throwing yourself on the floor, the temptation to just rest almost agonising, but you knew you still had to wrap a bandage around your wounded arm. You were fumbling with the ends of the bandage roll when you remembered Sirius’ words “Don’t be stubborn and let us help!” 
You swallowed, he probably would have run off to help you had you asked, but Sirius must have been just as tired as you were, and even if he hadn’t been hurt physically, you were sure the events of the night had taken a toll on his mind, heck they clearly had done it on yours, so, despite his command, you decided to deal with it in your own. You continued trying for a couple of minutes, and after what felt like an eternity –and in a fit of desperation– you hurled it against the mirror. It bumped down and rolled off, one of the ends staying behind as the rest of the roll continued unravelling. 
You sighed and went to grab another one from the supply closet and started trying once again. This time around you actually managed to open it after a couple of minutes and brought your arm up. You held the end against your arm with your chin and you started wrapping. Eventually, you switched your manual labour for your wand and used a simple spell to levitate the roll of bandages around your arm, making sure that it was just tight enough to seal the wound but not so tight as to cause additional pain, mirroring the way both Sirius and Lily had done it earlier. 
When you were done, you turned to the watch again, you’d hoped you had enough time to lay in one of the beds of the infirmary but when you realised you had spent over an hour there you cast a quick disillusionment charm and sneaked back to the common room. You did consider staying in the Room of Requirements and not going back, but your friends would probably worry if they didn’t see you at all in the morning, Lily would be panicked and the boys, especially Sirius, would cause a mini-scandal. You could almost hear Sirius ask something like “How the hell did you lose my girlfriend Evans?” Which is why, in the end, you decided against it. 
You picked up the mess with a wave of your wand and put your shirt and sweater back on, giving a once over to the room before leaving and walking through the halls and passageways trying to make as little sound as possible. Once you arrive at your common room you let yourself fall into one of the single couches by the fire. Not bothering to counter your disillusionment charm, as you used your wand to kindle the fire. You sank deeper on the couch and sighed, closing your eyes for a snooze when you heard footsteps. 
You turned to the side and spotted Sirius and James walking down, you waved at them, and when they didn’t respond, you remembered you were still kind of invisible. You were about to cancel the spell off when you saw Sirius was already leaning to sit down, on the exact same spot you were. You moved your wounded arm to the side and allowed the boy to sit “Hey babe,” you whispered as you wrapped your arm around his waist, Sirius pretty much jumped off and turned around looking mortified.
You just laughed at his reaction, “Vixen?!” you heard James ask as he squinted his eyes in your direction, you just kept laughing as you finally waved your wand over yourself again, allowing the spell to vanish, the painkiller potion was finally doing its thing and you already felt a lot better.
“Hey Prongs!” you said with a smile. 
“What the hell was that Stashine, are you trying to give me a heart attack?” 
“Don’t you get one of those whenever you look into my eyes?” you asked with a playful pout, James laughed again, and your boyfriend just looked at you surprised. 
“How did you know it would be Sirius the one to sit there?” James asked. 
“I was already here, I just took the chance,” you said, scooting to the side to allow Sirius to sit by your side, even in the small space. He didn’t think about it twice and sat beside you, pulling you by the waist half over one of his legs so you’d be more comfortable.
“Absolutely brilliant!” James complimented, Sirius threw him a look “And you disillusionment charm too, I’d never seen one so good.”
“Thanks!” you said with a smile “I’ve been using it a lot recently.” 
“You do know you can just take the Invisibility Cloak, right?” 
You nodded, not if I have to tell you what I need it for, you thought. “That’s very nice of you Jammie,” you said with a smile.
“How’s the arm?” Sirius asked. 
You looked at him for a second, a tight smile on your lips before you nodded “Great.”
Sirius frowned, not quite buying it, but didn’t press further. “Why were you out here, luv?” James asked “I’d assume Lily would rather be checking on you instead of having you here by yourself.” 
“Couldn’t sleep,” you said pointing to your eyebags “And the fire seemed tempting… and also I went to check on Remus who was avoiding me.” 
“You noticed?” Sirius asked about at the same time James said something like “You went to see Remus by yourself?!”
“Of course I noticed! I went to check on him like 5 times and he was asleep all of them. Tom comes up and says he had a chat with him seconds after we went to visit. It was suspicious enough. And then there was Pomfrey’s pitiful look whenever I showed up…” 
“He sometimes does that… I assumed he was doing it when we went before lunch. Did you get him to talk to you?” Sirius asked.
You nodded “Yeah, we’ve sorted things out, had to call him out on how dumb he was being though.” 
Sirius laughed at the casual way you said it, and pulled you a bit closer to him “That’s my girl!”
You were distracted for a good second, remembering the way Remus had pulled Vixen closer and how similar it had been to the way Sirius had done it, you wondered if it was a Brit thing, to be so touchy –which you already knew Sirius was- or if instead it was something very particular of the boys. 
“It’s kinda late for flying, isn’t it?” James asked as he looked at the clock, clearly the messy sleepless nights had also taken a toll on him. 
“Who are you and what have you done to James Potter?” You teased. 
“Don’t mess with him, Kit, he might change his mind.”
“Kit?” You asked, turning to him with a raised eyebrow. 
He shrugged “If you can call me Puppy I can call you Kit,” he said simply, to which you laughed, it wasn’t that you didn’t like it, rather you were a little surprised. And really, the more you thought about it, it was rather endearing. 
“Does that mean we’re not flying then?” you asked, turning back to James, “even if the next game is on Sunday?” 
James groaned, placing a pillow over his head to muffle the sounds. “Now that’s straight-up torture,” Sirius said with a teasing smile as he pointed at James. 
“Either way, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to play, we might have to move the–“ 
“–Don’t even joke about it Potter!” you said in a serious tone. 
James winced, you didn’t call him James, not even Prongs, you were not happy about his suggestion, but he was the captain, and he had to look out for his team, he had to look out for you, “You’re hurt.” 
“It was barely a scratch!” 
“You keep saying that, but I see the way you clutch onto your arm when the painkillers wear off–“ 
“I’ll be like new by Sunday!” you argued again “I heal fast.” 
“Sunday is in three days!” 
“Back me up on this?” you asked, turning to Sirius, who had a small frown on his face. 
He couldn’t find a way to say what he wanted to say without upsetting you “Darling, maybe Prongs is right…” 
You turned to him exasperated “Don’t block me like this James! We’re playing Slytherin, I want to show those assholed that they didn’t–” You cut yourself off, not being able to finish the sentence either. 
James’ face seemed to soften at your words, Sirius and Remus had somewhat told them what happened that night, or at least what they knew, and what they assumed. You hadn’t talked to them much about it, let alone go into detail, but either way, he understood. He got why you were so desperate to prove that you could still fight -or fly in this case–, you needed to show them that no matter what they did, they wouldn’t bring you down, “We’ll think about it,” he conceded. You were still looking at him with a frown, “Listen if your arm really is better off by then, then you’ll play.” 
“You promise you’ll let me?” 
Sirius was looking at James reproachfully, as if he wasn’t happy with his answer, but didn’t say a thing. He could try to convince you of dropping it later, although he was pretty sure you wouldn’t change your mind about it, not unless you were bedridden or something. 
“I promise we’ll think about it.” You nodded, that was probably as good as it would get. Now all you had to do was play the part of someone who was not affected at all by the hit and you’d be able to play on Sunday. 
“Aren’t you hungry luv?” Sirius asked. 
And strangely enough, you weren’t that hungry, in fact, you hadn’t been hungry since you went to visit Remus, which made you assume it was a Lycanthropy thing. Regardless, a warm cup of tea, along with some toast did sound incredibly good, so you nodded, motioning to stand up when you saw Remus walk in, he looked visibly relieved when he spotted you, even as you were almost sitting on Sirius’ lap. 
“Good to see you’re all right, after the fall I thought you might have–“ 
“–What fall?” Sirius asked, turning to you. 
“That?! It was nothing…” you said, “I had turned into Vixen and Pomfrey saw me, and was probably horrified since I was close to Rem, and then she pushed me off with a spell. I mean it hurt a little but it was nothing…” 
“You were thrown in the air and fell to the ground, and it was nothing?” Sirius asked as he toyed with the hem of your sweater’s sleeve, to see if he could lift it enough to check on your wound.
“Yes, Pomfrey wasn’t trying to hurt me, and Remus stopped her from following.” 
Remus was sure he’d seen you break the fall with the same arm that was hurt but decided not to press any further, since you clearly didn’t want to go too much into detail. He plopped down next to James on the sofa and turned to Sirius “How’s the plan going?” He asked the long-haired boy. 
“What plan?” you asked with furrowing your eyebrows just a little bit. 
“The revenge plan.” 
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A/N: Rem is finally back yay! How are we feeling? Personally, I love cuddles, wish I could actually transport into this universe to get some od Moony's warm cuddles. Thoughts?
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rallamajoop · 1 year ago
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More random details from the depths of RE8
With the excuse of trying some shiny new mods, I've been replaying RE8 lately for the umpteenth time. Given the number of hours I've already poured into this game, you'd really think there'd be nothing left to find by this stage ‒ yet here I am, finding still more details I'd somehow missed the first half-dozen times through.
For one, there's the fact you can actually find Eva's grave in the graveyard outside the church. As the only photo we ever see of her shows her as a baby, I'd assumed she was still a baby when she died, but turns out, she was ten years old.
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"Eva, June 1909 ‒ August 1919
May you slumber for only a short while"
As expected, her death of the Spanish flu took place in 1919. There's some semi-legible text on the stone, but it doesn't match the caption ‒ it's just the same generic filler text you'll find on half the gravestone assets in this game.
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For another, there's Rose's baby monitor. I'd noticed Ethan turning the thing on when he puts her to bed, and even found the assets for its screen ‒ but since I'd never found the monitor itself, I assumed they must be unused.
Until this playthrough, when suddenly I'm just like, oh, there it is, sitting right on the table. You can even interact with it!
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How did I miss this so many times? It is pretty easy to overlook, given you'll trigger the cutscene with Mia if you go much closer to the kitchen, but I'm still surprised I never spotted it before. (And you do have to wonder if there was ever any plan for it to show a glimpse of something more sinister than just a still-image of Rose sleeping.)
In other minor details, there's the bit where Ethan arrives on the outskirts of the village at 8AM. You can hear a clock striking 8 times as you get your first view of area.
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Granted, this is not going to excite anyone who hasn't spent as long as I have putting together an hour-by-hour timeline of everything that happens in this game, but I still do love that they give you enough detail that that's even possible ‒ and this new timestamp fits right into that timeline. (And why yes I have just gone back and updated that post, what do you take me for?)
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Speaking of assets I thought were unused, you know that hidden room under the castle you can't get into until later, where you have to solve a puzzle that involves setting a moroaica on fire? Have you ever looked closely at the tapestries decorating this place? Because I found them in the game files ages ago, and have been trying to figure out if they're actually in the game ever since.
Because seriously, look at these things!
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Yes, that is a indeed a man with a sword and spear, wearing a hoplite helmet and sandals and nothing else. And the women seeing him from the front seem to be having a whole range of reactions to all that, er, weaponry being brandished their way. Isn't fine art wonderful?
Another asset I'd innocently assumed was unused is this wonderful bit of bullshit which was labeled simply 'antibow'. It wasn't until I took a long look at it that I realised what they meant was more like 'anti-B.O.W.', as in Bio-Organic-Weapon.
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Yes, that is indeed a knife taped to some kind of grenade. Sure is one high-tech outfit we're working with here!
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Only now do I spot that this is actually the bomb Chris chucks at the Megamycete in the cavern. It doesn't even come with the knife already attached, he just kind of sticks the knife onto the bomb and presumably straps some tape around them while the camera cuts away.
I still have so much more to share from my ongoing free-camera adventures, but I think we'll leave this one there for today.
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batbux · 1 year ago
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"Sometimes I forget they're gone."
Bruce looks up from work - a crossword he's doing to pass time until the gas chromatography finishes - and over to where Tim is rolling back and forth in front of a secondary terminal. The steady squeak of his chairs back wheel was almost meditative in a way. He stared up at a blank screen, face only illuminated in profile by the gentle glow of Bruce's own terminal.
"Who is?" Bruce asked when Tim didn't elaborate. For all that this was functionally his home now, the boy had a tendency to occupy space in a way that made Bruce's jaw ache from biting his tongue.
"My parents." Tim stopped rocking and the Cave was as silent as a grave between them. One grave in particular. "Like, something happens and I think, oh, Mom would love to hear about this. Or Dad would get all huffy and rant over something silly and it would be fun to listen to."
Tim, who loved his parents and, arguably was loved in return. He spent most of his time in his room or the Cave, exploring other rooms in the Manor like his parents did archeological sites. Interesting to him, but not a place to be.
"Sometimes I pick up the phone and get as far as putting in their international number, you know?"
Tim, who was parented through phone calls and post cards. Tim, who spent so much of his life in boarding schools that an actual home looked more like a museum than a place to live.
"I'm sorry, bud," Bruce murmured. There wasn't much else he could say, aside from reminding Tim that his father was still alive. Comatose, hanging in limbo, but alive.
Bruce thought it would be easier if Jack Drake died with his wife. Bruce also hated himself for thinking those kinds of things.
"I just keep thinking about Mohenjo-daro," he continued. "We're learning about it in school this unit and I keep remembering- I keep remembering that Dad said he's been there. I can't keep the dates right in my head and he would have helped."
"I can give it a shot," Bruce offered even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do now just as it had been the wrong thing to do when he offered to find a Romani language tutor for Dick when he realized he was forgetting things.
It would solve one part of the problem, but it would never replace the help a father could give.
Tim turned towards him, pale face washed out in stark relief under the light from behind Bruce. He wondered if Tim could even see his face in the relative darkness and found a cowards courage knowing he couldn't.
"He told me a story about it once," Tim said. "I can't remember the ending. I can't remember what he told me. Why didn't I listen better?"
Bruce had no answer for him. He set his paper aside and opened his arms.
Dick would have thrown himself at Bruce, taking comfort where and when he could. Jason would have slunk over and did his level best to press close enough to cave in Bruce's chest and make himself a home.
He was, in hindsight, too good at that.
Tim always hesitated. Weighting the pros and cons? Overthinking a simple comfort offered freely? Bruce never knew.
Still, Tim slowly abandoned his squeaking chair. He let Bruce tug him in for a hug.
Tim was older than Dick had been, around the same age as Jason. Even so, in moments like this he seemed immeasurably younger. Tim, cast off in a prestigious boarding school, had lived comparatively untouched by life's hardest lessons. He signed up for the work, but he couldn't have known how hard it would be. Bruce never should have let him in, but what could he do now? Tim came to him when he needed a partner the most and he was so, so grateful even as regret threatened to choke him.
A beep, then. Bruce's eyes drifted upwards.
"The drugs we lifted from the Iceberg Lounge?" Tim asked against Bruce's neck.
"Yes."
"Show me."
Bruce let Tim out from the protective circle of his arms and did so. The moment lay broken behind them, like so many others.
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