#to keep holding on to someone who seems to want to be let go

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 40: Where Do We Go From Here?

Summary: Things aren't going as smoothly as anyone would like. Maybe they can fix it. Maybe they can't.

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 5,970 words

Warnings: Angst, discussion of nightmares, PTSD, discussion of death and killing people, emotions, so many emotions, angst, a little sliver of comfort

A/N: And it is back!! not super proud of this one but I'm starting out on a filler so...yeah. Really just setting up for the next part where some action starts again. You'll see. Anyway, glad to be back at it and I hope you enjoy!

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John stands at the door, gazing out at the yard. It’s pouring rain, dumping buckets on the roof. The water has pooled on the planks of the deck, splattering with every big drop that pours from the sky. The weather once again mirrors your mood, your sobs audible from your room over the pounding on the roof. 

John holds his mug in his hands, staring at the reflection in the window. Kyle and Johnny are sitting on the couch, both looking like kicked puppies. They’re itching to enter your room and go comfort you, but they’ve been kicked out for now. You’re not in the state of mind to be around any of them right now, no matter how badly your sobs tear at their heartstrings. 

You haven’t been in that state of mind for a few hours now. 

Whatever nightmare had plagued your mind last night, it was particularly awful. You’ve been up since the early hours, waking from a nightmare with a terrified scream that had continued until Kyle finally got you to stop and breathe. His ears are still ringing with it, his mind still pulsing with that fear. Something happened. Someone got in. Someone hurt you. 

Nothing happened. No one got in.  

The only threat was still just in your mind. 

Graves. 

He knows that’s at least part of your nightmares. Christine had disclosed that to him quietly on the side. Even she doesn’t know everything that plagues your dreams, but Graves seems to be a common specter in the darkness of your mind. 

It makes his blood boil, and not just out of anger for what Graves did to you. 

It boils with anger at himself too. 

It’s his fault you’re in this state in the first place. He should have known, he should have seen, he should have suspected. He should have never left you there. You should have been his priority over anything else. 

How badly he’s failed you. 

He lets out a sigh, turning away from the window to move over to the couches. He sinks down with a sigh, resting his elbows on his knees. The little progress you’ve made has regressed with this new string of nightmares, the fear pushing you further and further back into your mind. He’s resolved himself to only get worried when Christine is worried, and right now she’s beginning to look worried. If you regress back again, the chances of bringing you out of that are slim. Sure, there are plenty of options to help, but you have to want them to help. 

He knows exactly what will help, you just don’t want it. 

He runs a hand through his hair as your sobs begin to quiet. It’s longer than he’s let it get for a long time. They’re all a bit scraggly and ragged looking, worn down and lazy now that there’s no strict rules guiding their lives. None of them quite know what to do outside of the regulations they’ve spent the better parts of their lives living under. He’s been in the military longer now than he hasn’t, and he’s been finding himself itching for that structure again. He can never bring himself to relax and put the job aside even on leave. He only takes it when he has to and usually spends it training and keeping his skills sharp. 

Now...now things have changed. 

They have no return now. There’s no clear, set time that they have to return to base. They can’t return to base. It would leave them too open to a possible retaliation from Shepherd. They were betrayed by one of their own already, who's to say someone else wouldn’t be just as eager to become a traitor for a chunk of cash? They’re not even truly safe here. 

How are they going to go back to base after this? Can he bring himself to take you back there, a place you never felt comfortable in the first place? 

Where do they go from here? 

He’s been trying not to think too much about it. That’s a dilemma for a different day. That’s thinking too far ahead. Day by day is as far as he dares to take it now. 

The door closes quietly, John’s head lifting to watch Christine as she approaches the couch. There’s a slump to her shoulders, something that’s been getting lower and lower as the days have progressed. She’s struggling with this just as much as they all are. 

She sinks down on the couch, letting out a long breath. Your sobs have quieted, no sound coming from the room now. The silence is almost eerie after days of constant sounds, good and bad from your room. You were doing better. You were looking more alive and well. 

Then this happened. 

“She’s asleep.” Christine says, her voice strained. “Finally calmed down enough to nap.” She covers her eyes with a hand, sitting there still for a moment. 

“The nightmares?” John asks, glancing at Christine out of the corner of his eye. 

“Worse.” She says, her gaze far away. “She's remembering what happened.” 

John stares at Kyle and Johnny for a moment, the betas returning his worried gaze.

“Those shadows she killed...” Johnny says.

Christine nods. “She's, uh, not taking it well.” 

John runs a hand over his face. He knew it was possible you'd start to remember what happened during the time your omega took control. It wouldn't remain a dark spot forever, though he hoped it would. The things you were forced to do are coming to light now, the things you did to survive because they failed you. Taking the life of someone who deserves it is nothing to them. Taking the life of someone who would take yours just as quickly isn't so much as a second thought. 

You're not like them. 

You've never had to face that reality before, and you shouldn't have had to. 

“One of us should talk to her.” Kyle says.

“I don't think that's the best idea right now.” Christine shakes her head. “She's...regressed a bit. Pushing that on her, while well intentioned, might do more harm than good...” she trails off, her gaze still far away. 

The three of them sit there, waiting for what she’s going to say next. He’s not even sure Johnny or Kyle are breathing as they wait patiently for whatever solution Christine might be able to come up with, whatever move she thinks is the best one to take next. 

“I want to take her out.” Christine says. 

“What?” John asks in surprise. 

“She needs to get out of the house. It’s not doing any of us any good sitting in here all day.” She rubs her eyes. “She expressed interest in going for a walk a couple days ago. She needs to get up and moving, start regaining some of her strength.” 

John lets out a breath leaning back against the couch. He’s tempted to say no. His knee jerk reaction is to refuse. The world outside isn’t safe. If anyone is watching, if anyone sees them...

There’s always going to be that risk though, and Christine is right. Sitting in the house all day isn’t doing any of them any good. They’re at the mercy of the rain, but even then, he doubts it will keep any of them trapped inside for long. 

“When the rain clears up.” He finally says. “We'll discuss it more. But, I think that might be a good idea.” 

“What can we do?” Kyle asks, staring at Christine. 

She lets out a sigh, covering her eyes with her hand. “I don’t know. I’ve helped hundreds of omegas in crisis and yet I don’t know why this case is so hard.” 

“This has become more personal than those cases.” John says. 

Christine’s shoulders slump even more. “I know. I try so hard but she’s just so...different from other omegas.” 

“This entire situation is different from what you’ve done before.” Kyle says. 

“You’re right.” Christine sighs. “The best we can do is let her lead. Do what she needs, give her what she wants. The worst thing that can happen right now is regression. If she regresses too far, we might never get her back.” 

“What is it? Tell me what ye need.” 

“Can you make me forget?” 

“I wish I could.” 

“Hit me hard enough on the head I might forget everything. Then we can all just start over.” 

“That’s not funny.” 

“It wasn’t supposed to be.” 

“Kitten,” Johnny sighs, leaning his elbows on his knees. “I wish I could make those thoughts go away. I wish I could make them mine.” 

“I killed people.” 

“I know.” He reaches out, touching your hand. “I wish ye didnae have to. Ye were just defending yerself. Those Shadows would have done worse to ye if ye hadn’t.” 

You curl up in your chair, turning away from him. “That’s not helpful.” 

“Sorry.” He says, letting out another sigh. “We just want to help ye.” 

You’re silent for a moment, sitting there listening to the waves. It’s cold this morning, not even the thick blanket draped over you offering much respite. It’s the first morning it hasn’t poured rain in days and you were determined to take full advantage of it despite the objections of your pack. 

“I know.” You finally say, staring out at the grey clouds looming on the horizon. The rain will return, just like the dark thoughts constantly swirling in your mind. They make you sick, nausea constantly churning in your stomach and threatening to rise. 

Johnny wraps his hand around yours, his palm warm against your cold skin. “Should head inside. Gonnae catch a cold.” 

“You know that’s a myth right?” You say, tilting your head to stare at him. 

“No it’s not.” He says, pulling your hand between his. “It’s not good for ye being out in the cold.” 

“I’ll live.” You say, trying to pull your hand from his, but he holds you firm. He’s stubborn, but so are you. 

“Kitten...” He says, almost whining at you. “Go inside please.” 

You let out a sigh, staring out at the horizon again. The clouds promise more rain soon, another downpour on its way. You hate it, how much it’s been raining. You just want to be outside, down at the beach, going on walks. Your pack won’t let you though, not while it’s raining, even though they often leave no matter the weather. 

It’s not fair. 

You’re not a fragile flower and you’re tired of being treated that way. Even though your brain feels like it’s in a blender constantly. Even though the pain of what happened still drives into you like a knife, you just want to be treated like a normal human being again. 

“Fine.” You sigh, pushing yourself up to stand. “I’ll go inside.” 

Johnny grabs your arm before you can head back in the door. “Ye know we just want the best for you.” 

You stare at him for a long moment, emotions swirling in your mind. They are trying. You’ll give them that credit. They’re trying, but not hard enough. “What you think is best and what’s actually best isn’t always the same.” 

He looks like a kicked puppy as he lets you go. You turn away before you can feel guilty, heading back inside the cottage. 

You pull the blanket tighter around you as you stare at the flickering flames in the hearth. The heat is intense so close, but it’s warming the chill under your skin. It’s getting colder at night, foretelling the upcoming winter. All the blankets in the world couldn’t fight off the chill that’s settled in you at night. You know what might help, but you’re not brave enough to approach that solution. 

The footsteps on the stairs don’t startle you in the otherwise silent house, the creak of them audible over the crackle of the logs in the fire. 

“I’d add another one.” A voice says from behind you. 

“I’m going to.” You say, reaching for the stack next to the fireplace. 

“Careful. Put it on the side.” 

“I know how to make a fire, thank you.” You snap, shoving the log in before moving it into place with the poker. “I’m not useless.” 

“Didn’t mean to imply you were.” It’s silent for a moment as you settle back into place. “What are you doing out here?” 

“I’m cold.” You answer simply, not feeling up to giving an entire expose on your current state of mind to the person you want to speak to the least right now. 

“We can turn the heat up more.” John says. “Whatever you want to be more comfortable.” 

I want you to leave. You bite your lip, suddenly not brave enough to say it out loud. 

They are trying. 

“Why are you down here?” You ask instead. 

“Couldn’t sleep so I came to get a snack.” He says. “You want anything?” 

“No.” You say quickly, wrapping the blanket tighter around you. “I’m alright.” 

“You sure?” He presses, standing off to your right. 

You hesitate for a moment, curling your toes under the blanket as one of the logs snaps. It’s not food you need from him. Your appetite has decreased again with this new wave of horrible things plaguing your mind. “I want to know why,” You say, swallowing the lump in your throat. “why you left me there.” 

John shifts behind you, silent for a long moment. 

“I got too caught up in the big picture.” He finally says. “I thought that taking out Shepherd would end everything before it went too far. It’s the only way we’ll ever be safe, and I didn’t consider the lengths he’d go to, the lengths he’d let Graves go to, just to cover his own ass long enough for him to escape. I was wrong in making that decision. You’re not like us. You’ve never been left behind, tortured, had to fight your way out of an impossible situation. You shouldn’t have ever been put in that position. We all failed you. Every last one of us.” 

Tears burn your eyes as you stare into the fire. “You left me.” 

“I know.” He says, his voice thick with emotion. “It’s the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” 

“I can’t do this.” You whisper, your knuckles white where they’re gripping the edges of the blanket. The words are coming out and you can’t stop them. Maybe it’s because deep down you remember the better times, when he was a comfort. Someone you could trust to catch you when you fall. “I keep seeing them, seeing what I did, what happened. I killed people.” 

“People that would have killed you without a second thought.” He says. “You were defending yourself in a situation where that was unavoidable. It’s not your fault. None of it is.” 

“Can we ever move past this?” You ask, your voice quiet and broken.  

“I like to think we can.” John says. “It won’t be easy, but if that’s what you want, we sure as hell will work to make it happen. Things won’t go back to the way they were, and they shouldn’t. You deserve better than what we gave you.” 

You don’t respond because you can’t. His words float around in your mind, replaying over and over. You want to believe him. You desperately want to believe him, but a deep part of you can’t. He’s made promises before and then broke them. How can you trust this time will be different? 

The creak of the stairs wakes you. It’s jarring, pulling you out of a sleep you didn’t know you were in. You’re on the couch in the living room, bundled under a blanket with a decorative pillow under your head. You don’t remember moving to the couch. The fire is nothing more than embers now, but it feels warmer in the house. It’s dawn, the grey light streaming in through the window, chasing away the shadows of night. 

“What are you doing out here?” A gruff voice asks you. 

You groan, rubbing your eyes. “Fell asleep.” 

“On the couch?” 

“Think I was on the floor first.” You yawn, pressing your face back into the pillow. “Don’t remember getting to the couch.” 

“Why?” 

“Got cold.” Your voice is slightly muffled as you pull the blanket up higher. 

Simon lets out a sigh before moving around the couch to the fireplace. He adds a couple logs in before lighting it again, the fire crackling back to life. You’re half asleep already as another blanket is draped over you, tucked up around your neck. There’s a feeling of a hand brushing over your head, but that may have just been your imagination as you drift off back to sleep. 

You don’t get to sleep long, more footsteps coming down the stairs waking you. A hand does brush over your head this time, the scent of the beach filling your nose. You let out a groan, trying to snuggle deeper into the blankets. 

“Sleeping out here this morning?” Kyle’s soft voice reaches your ears. 

You grunt, chasing the quickly fading edges of sleep in your brain. 

“Breakfast is ready, if you want to get up.” 

You are hungry. There’s a quiet rumble of your stomach as you begin to register the smells coming from the kitchen: bacon and eggs and coffee. Johnny is making the coffee most likely. Maybe you’ll have some this morning. You might need it with how groggy you feel. 

You stretch out on the couch, trying to breathe some life into your limbs. It’s not the most comfortable couch, definitely not for sleeping, but it’s better than the floor. It was likely John that moved you. He was the only one that knew you were out here last night. 

You're not sure how that makes you feel. 

It's nice on one hand, that he saved you from the pains of sleeping on the floor. But at the same time it feels like an intrusion. There was a time you wouldn't have thought twice about it. There was a time it would have been normal and expected and you would have thanked him for it. 

Now...now you're not sure. 

You push yourself up to sit, joints cracking from being stuck in one position for so long. You blink slowly as you sit there for a moment. It’s warm in the house, almost too warm now with your body warmed from sleep. Dr. Keller is sitting at the table, a steaming mug in front of her. Tea, most likely. Maybe coffee. You’re not quite sure. She gives you a soft smile as you rub a hand across your face. 

You feel groggy as you push yourself up to stand, letting your stomach and feet guide you towards the smells coming from the kitchen. Kyle guides you to the table with a promise of making you a plate and you take your usual seat at the end of the table facing the kitchen. Dr. Keller is to your left this time, coffee in her mug judging by the smell. 

“How did you sleep?” She asks, her hands wrapped around the mug. 

“Fine. Got cold.” You say, resting your head in your hand.

“John turned the heat up a bit. We can get you more blankets if you need them.” Dr. Keller says. 

You hum, letting your eyes close for a moment. You won’t complain about more blankets, more soft things to lay with. There is one thing you wish you had, though. You’re not quite sure how to ask for it, or that it would even be possible to get. 

You jump when a hand touches your back, not realizing you had even dozed off sitting there. 

“Sorry.” Kyle says, setting a plate on the table in front of you. “Food’s hot. You want coffee or tea.” 

“Coffee.” You say instantly, earning a wide grin from Johnny as he takes his own seat at the table. 

“Even split this morning.” He says cheekily, setting his own mug down. “Three against three.” 

“Tea is still the superior choice.” Kyle says from the kitchen. “Better for you anyway.” 

“Coffee has a lot of health benefits as well.” Dr. Keller says. “So long as you don’t add too much sugar into it.” 

“See.” Johnny says, giving them a victorious grin. 

“She said so long as you don’t put too much sugar in it.” Kyle says, carrying over your mug of coffee. “You’ll get diabetes from how much you add in.” 

“Two spoonfuls isnae too much.” He turns to look at Dr. Keller. “Is it?” 

Dr. Keller gives him a worried look. “You might be pushing it there.” 

Johnny’s grin turns into a pout. “What do ye mean?” 

A ghost of a smile tugs at your lips as you quickly shovel a forkful of eggs into your mouth. As much as the deep pain of betrayal still aches in your chest, as much as you still want to hate them, you have to admit you missed this. It’s the least tense you’ve seen all of them in the last few weeks. Even Dr. Keller’s shoulders don’t seem quite so squared as they have been. 

A part of you feels guilty about it. It is your fault deep down. You’re the one keeping them all on edge, driving that wedge between them over and over again. Deep down you’re the one causing the heavy weight that’s settled over the house. You wish you could just go back to normal, you wish you could just wave a wand and make yourself okay again. You wish you could ease their pain just a little bit. 

The eggs suddenly don’t taste quite so good anymore. 

You force them down regardless in favor of causing another scene, in favor of dragging the mood down. They deserve a little lighthearted moment after everything. They don’t need to know the inner turmoil plaguing your mind. 

Simon shifts next to you, his eyes darting to glance at your face. You can feel them, the intensity of his gaze just as sharp as it had been back in the beginning, back before he looked at you with fondness. He’s stiff as he sits there, almost as if he can sense the storm raging inside of you as you force yourself to pretend that you’re fine in favor of keeping the bright mood that’s settled over the table. 

Maybe he can sense it. He is an alpha after all. It’s his job to know, to understand. You glance across the table at John, his eyes on his phone as he sips his tea. 

Your gaze drops down to your plate as you pick up a piece of bacon, your heart shattering just a little bit more. 

“‘S too early.” You whine as hands pull the blanket off of you. Cold air nips at your skin, making you curl up in a ball. 

“It’s noon. Come on.” A hand closes around your arm, gently shaking you. “You want to get up.” 

You let out a whine, pinching your face up. “No.” 

“Trust me. It’ll be worth it.” Kyle says, brushing the hair back from your face. 

“Why.” You say, letting out a huff. 

“We’re going on a little trip.” Kyle pulls you up, forcing you into a seated position. “Dress warm.” 

You’re alone in the room again, the door left open. Light streams in, making you squint against the harsh intrusion. A quick glance at the clock reveals it is, in fact, a little past noon. You took a nap to make up for a night of tumultuous sleep, one of the few things you have to do here in this prison. Nap and read. It’s a lot like your life before the cottage, before everything that happened, except now you’re stuck with your pack around you at all times. 

You almost miss the times they were away. 

You maneuver yourself so your legs dangle over the edge of the bed as you try to blink the drowsiness away. The nap hadn’t been nearly long enough, but judging by Kyle’s eagerness, they let you sleep a bit longer than they wanted. 

You let out a sigh before pushing yourself off the bed, moving to the dresser. You pull out warm clothes, quickly changing. You have no idea what they have planned, what’s going on. There was no frantic rush, Kyle’s energy more excited than anything. It makes you a bit worried as you step out of the room into the living area. 

They’re all waiting by the door, watching you as you approach them, rubbing your eyes. 

“Come on,” John says, setting a pair of shoes on the floor. “Boots on.” 

“What are we doing?” You ask, moving forward automatically. 

“We’re taking a little trip.” Kyle answers. 

You look at him cautiously as you step into the boots, pulling them on. You haven’t been away from the cottage since you arrived two weeks ago. You’ve barely been let outside, weather permitting. It’s an overcast day today, the world grey outside, but grey is better than rain. 

“Ready?” John asks as you stare at him. 

“I guess.” You say, still a bit hesitant. 

They make no effort to ease your discomfort and nerves. 

You’re led out the door and towards the cars by Dr. Keller. Her face is brighter than it has been lately which doesn’t help your nervous energy. She’s excited too, just like the rest of them. You’re not sure why you’re so nervous. Maybe it’s the anxiety of leaving after being trapped inside for so long. You just want to know where you’re going, what it is you’re going to be doing. 

Dr. Keller ushers you into the back seat of one of the cars, getting in the other side. Kyle and John climb into the front while Johnny and Simon get into the other car. 

You watch the green pass by as they drive, taking in the new landscape. You don’t remember arriving at the cottage. You don’t remember most of the trip at all. It’s all a blur in your memory, much like the events that transpired after your omega took over had been. You wish you could remember the trip over those events. You’d take green rolling hills over your own hands taking lives. 

It had been jarring waking in the cottage for the first time. A new place, a lack of memories getting there. You’re beginning to get tired of the pattern. You half expect to fall asleep and wake up somewhere new again most nights. You wouldn’t know any better. A slip of a pill into some food and you’d wake up somewhere halfway across the world. 

You like to think they’d at least warn you beforehand. 

John pulls the car into a parking lot, parking near a line of trees. Johnny pulls into the parking lot behind John, parking near the entrance. It’s on purpose, you know that much. Everything is about safety and making things look as inconspicuous as possible. Anyone could be a rat. Anyone could be watching. 

It’s windier here as you step out of the car, even though you haven't gone far from the cottage. Walking distance, if you were up for a hike. You’re not. 

“Come on, kitten.” Johnny says, guiding you through the parking lot and towards a path. 

You still don’t know what’s happening as you follow them, Johnny holding your hand as you step onto the rocky path. He leads the way, the others following. John is behind you, hovering in case you slip in the gravel. You do your best not to, despite how quickly Johnny is leading you. He’s more eager than Kyle had been, and you’re sure he’d be running if you could keep up. 

You begin to figure out what’s happening as the sound of waves crashing on the shore gets louder and louder. Your chest starts to constrict with emotion as the trees start to get sparser and sparser, a cliff edge visible over Johnny’s shoulder. You want to run now, you want to break ahead and race your way to the edge of the cliff. Johnny, even in his excited state, would catch you before you could take off and potentially hurt yourself. 

You might hurt yourself just trying to run. 

You hate it. 

The land opens before you as you reach the edge of the cliff. The expanse of the sea seems daunting so close, grey and choppy from the wind. Salty air blasts you in the face, rustling your jacket as you stand there above a small beach. It’s empty, but that’s expected for the middle of fall. All the tourists have gone home, those with vacation homes back in better weather for the winter. 

You’re glad you’re alone. You wouldn’t want anyone else ruining this moment. 

Kyle’s fingers wrap around yours as you stand there, staring down at the beach below. “Come on.” 

The gravel turns to dirt as it winds down the side of the cliff, getting steeper as you near the beach. You do nearly slip as you follow Johnny down to the sand, your boots quickly getting muddy. You’re glad for them, understanding why John chose boots over more comfortable shoes. 

You pause as your feet sink into sand. You stare out at the water, at the white crests of waves crashing onto the shore. It’s real. It’s not just some mirage, some painting in the background of your life. It’s really here. You’re really here. 

No one says anything as you take a few steps forward before squatting down. You scoop up a handful of sand, letting it slip through your fingers. It’s coarse against your cold skin, thicker and rockier than the sand you’re used to, but it’s still sand. It’s still a beach. 

You’re at the beach. 

You scoop up another handful of sand, letting it run through your fingers again. You want to put some of it in a jar and set it on the nightstand at the cottage. You want to stare at it and remind yourself you’re really at the coast, you’re really just a short drive away from the sea. You want the sand to sink into your skin and flow through your veins and fill every crack that’s formed in your mind.  

You’re really here. 

You stand up straight, staring out at the water again. Your pack is still behind you, silently watching you. You shuffle forward a couple steps, waiting for one of them to stop you, to grab you and keep you from getting closer, but none of them move. You widen your steps, treading through the soft sand until you reach the edge of the wetter sand where the water was earlier. It’s easier to walk on as you continue to approach the water, the sound of your pack treading through the soft sand disappearing behind you as you get closer and closer to the water. The waves flow up the beach, your feet getting closer and closer to where that water stops. 

You half expect them to stop you as you step forward, letting the waves hit your feet. The salty water washes away the mud and sand clinging to your rubber boots, rushing up over the tops of your feet. You stare down at the water, watching it surge upward and around your ankles. You’d keep walking if you were brave enough, let it get higher and higher until it soaked your clothes, but you know they’d stop you. It’s far too cold to risk getting wet. You can feel the chill of the water through your boots as it flows over your feet. 

You’re not sure how long you stand there, watching the water rush back and forth, feeling the pressure of it against your boots as you stand in the waves. You’re really here. You’re really standing in the sea. 

You finally turn after what seems like an eternity, making your way back up to the softer sand. All of them are standing in a line, watching you. You wonder what’s going through their heads, what they feel standing here. Relief? Happiness? Guilt? Shame? The wind whips at your back, coming right off the water, blowing their scents away from you. What you wouldn’t give to be able to smell them right now. 

Tears burn your eyes as you make your way up towards John, trudging through the sand. His cheeks and nose are pink from the cold wind, his beard longer than you’ve ever seen it. You don’t remember the last time you’ve really looked at him up close. His gaze is uncertain as he stares down at you, trying to gauge your next move. He can’t. You know he can’t and it makes you feel powerful. 

It shouldn’t, but it does. 

“Thank you.” You say finally, a tear sliding down your cheek. “Thank you.” 

You can hear them. They don’t know it, but you can. They think they’re speaking quietly, but in the silence of the morning, you can hear almost every word. Dr. Keller’s protests, John's quiet insistence. 

Leaving. 

That’s the word that caught your attention. Leaving. Someone is leaving. Someone is separating themselves from the pack again, and not just for a trip to town to go to the store. This meaning is different, it hangs differently in the air. 

“I don’t think this is a good idea right now.” Dr. Keller says, her voice just barely audible through the open sliding glass door. It’s open just a crack, just enough to hear what’s transpiring inside. 

“We won’t have another chance.” John says, his voice insistent. “We have to do this. She deserves it.” 

She. You. Whatever it is, it involves you. It always does. You can’t remember a time over the last few weeks when it hasn’t been about you. It’s always about you and you hate it. You almost wish things would go back to the way they were before, when you were a second thought, the one left behind.

You’re going to be left behind again. 

“John-” 

“I know.” John’s voice is louder again. “We have to do what’s best for our pack, and right now this is it.” 

The sliding door opens, the conversation over. Your stomach is churning, nausea eating its way up your esophagus as John crosses the deck towards where you’re seated. His steps are slow and quiet, almost like he’s approaching a wild animal. He might be, depending on how this conversation is going to go. 

How are you going to react? You expected it eventually. They’ll always leave, they’ll always put you last and think about themselves first. Are you upset? Are you angry? Is it a relief? 

You wish you could feel something right now. Instead you feel numb. Another promise broken, another lie told. 

“You’re leaving again.” You say, staring out at the horizon as John takes a seat next to you. You need to get it out first, say what you know before he can say it and break your heart again. 

He lets out a quiet sigh, leaning back in the chair. “We are, but you’re coming with us.” 

You turn to glance at him, taken aback by his words. You’re leaving too? You hadn’t considered this. The cottage is your prison. You are Rapunzel trapped by the Mother Gothel that is your pack, stuck in the tower for the rest of time. 

Leaving? 

“There’s something we need to take care of back in the states.” John explains. “You’re coming with us.” 

Back in the states? What could possibly be there that is left for you, for your pack? 

You don’t like the sound of that. You don’t like the sound of that one bit. 

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[caitified]

i luv ur fics omg 😭 could u do paige x reader who loves horror where paige is scared of horror and they go to halloween horror nights (a haunted house theme park event thing) or watch a horror movie together 💜

haunt

paige bueckers x reader

warnings: none! as someone who gets scared easily i basically wrote myself here as paige..happy late halloween.

you and paige had been planning halloween night for weeks, and tonight was finally the night. there was a haunted house in town everyone had been talking about. at first, paige had acted super confident, teasing you about how you’d be clinging to her the whole time. but as the days passed and halloween night got closer, you noticed a slight shift—her teasing softened, and she started hinting that maybe haunted houses weren’t really her thing. you had your suspicions, but you knew she’d never admit she was scared.

as the five of you arrived at the haunted house with azzi, jana, and aubrey, paige tried her best to play it cool. “just so you know, i’ll protect you all,” she said, winking at you while gripping your hand just a bit tighter than usual.

aubrey raised an eyebrow, giving her a skeptical smile. “sure, paige. we’ll all depend on you.”

azzi and jana exchanged amused glances, both of them a bit more excited than scared, though you could tell they were gearing up for the jump-scares. the entrance to the haunted house loomed ahead, dark and eerie, with creepy music and distant screams filtering out through the walls. you felt paige shift beside you, her fingers trembling slightly as she glanced nervously at the darkened doorway.

“you good, paige?” you teased, leaning close and squeezing her hand.

“me? scared?” she scoffed, sounding a bit too quick to dismiss the idea. “nah, i’m just… mentally preparing.” her voice was confident, but her eyes kept flicking back to the entrance.

you just laughed, finding her bravado adorable. “right, you’ll keep us all safe from the monsters.”

“obviously,” she shot back, puffing up a little. “but, uh, don’t let go of my hand, just in case.”

as you all stepped inside, the door slammed shut with a loud bang, and paige jumped, squeezing your hand even tighter. azzi and aubrey snickered, giving her playful nudges as you walked further into the dimly lit, twisting hallways. shadows seemed to move on their own, and every corner held another actor ready to jump out. with every lunge or sudden scream, you felt paige tense, inching closer and closer to you.

“you sure you’re okay?” you whispered, catching the way her eyes darted around at every little noise.

“totally fine,” she whispered back, trying to sound casual, though her grip on your hand was practically a death grip.

the first jump-scare came from a figure dressed as a ghoul, who leaped out from behind a doorway, and paige let out a yelp, practically leaping into your arms. azzi burst out laughing, clapping her hands, while aubrey teased, “our fearless leader, everyone!”

paige shot them both a glare, mumbling, “it just… caught me off guard.”

jana gave her a knowing smile, shrugging. “if you say so, paige.”

moving on, you came into a foggy room filled with eerie mannequins, some posed in twisted, unnatural shapes. the group hesitated, glancing around, when suddenly one of the “mannequins” came to life, lunging toward you all with a guttural scream. everyone screamed and scrambled, with paige clutching you even closer, burying her face against your shoulder for a moment before peeking out to see if the coast was clear.

“that wasn’t… that bad,” she mumbled, cheeks pink.

“not at all,” you teased, leaning in close. “want me to hold your hand through the rest?”

she rolled her eyes but didn’t let go. “don’t act like you’re not a little scared too,” she murmured, though her voice softened as her fingers laced with yours, grounding herself with your presence.

as the group continued, azzi and jana took the lead, laughing as they bravely navigated the dark hallways, while aubrey stayed closer to you and paige, occasionally tossing a smirk your way when paige shrieked at another scare. when you entered a pitch-black room with only faint, echoing whispers, paige’s breath caught, and she leaned even closer, her hand warm and steady in yours.

“i can’t see anything,” she whispered, her voice a mix of fear and excitement.

you leaned into her, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “i’ve got you, paige.”

by the time you made it out to the exit, paige let out a long, relieved breath, still holding your hand as if she didn’t want to let go.

“so… not scary, huh?” you grinned, looking up at her.

paige finally laughed, letting go of your hand just to wrap an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. “fine, you win,” she said, grinning down at you. “but next year, we’re carving pumpkins or something.”

sorry for the lack of fics, i’ve been really busy but i’ll be writing more now. requests are STILL open!! thanks for reading

[twilightkitkat]

Time travel GO!

OK let's go.

Like you said, it's a really interesting theory that Worst Wolverine is from the Origins Universe. It matches up with his story considering he seemed confused by Wade's existence, meaning that Deadpool likely wasn't an active vigilante in his universe. This would be plausible if Wade had been essentially "killed" (stripped of his free will) during the Weapon X program. Also, Logan in Origins was a little different than how he acted in the OG X-men films and his personality aligns a bit more with Worst Wolverine. Origin's plotline would account for him being extra cagey and distrustful of the world and the X-men, because his own brother and teammates turned against him in the past.

Logan always struggled with memory problems. Except in his world since he never joined the X-men, he never really fully "remembered" his past. He eventually discovered what Stryker did to him, but not the extent of his involvement in the Weapon X program. It bothered him, but eventually, he tried to move on.

Except he and Wade are up against a villain from another universe. With TVA's ability to time and dimension travel. Right as they're about to finish him off, he hits an emergency button on a device he has and sends them back in time.

Except he latched onto the point where Logan's memory was the weakest and sent him there in hopes that he'd fuck up the timeline enough to never come to Wade's Universe. So that he wouldn't fight them.

So Wade and Logan get sent back in time. Except that Wade remembers and Logan... doesn't. His memories were already spotty at best and were sealed behind a barrier.

The Origins Weapon X program was a little different from the one Wade remembered, but it was so nauseatingly familiar. When he sees Logan with his brother Victor, he damn near starts ugly sobbing. Except for the fact that Logan is ignoring him. He isn't looking at him or talking to him and he's acting like he doesn't remember anything.

It's only when he raises an unamused eyebrow and asks, "The fuck do you need, Wilson?" that Wade realizes how deep in shit he is. Time travel is hard enough, but without Logan's cooperation? In a time before Wade even had his fucking mutant abilities? No thanks...

Wade tries to get closer to Logan. To prod him to remember. Occasionally, Logan looks a little moved by his words, only to get a piercing headache and forget about it. He thinks Wade's schizophrenic and delusional and Wade can't do shit to change it.

So he switches gears. The best thing he could do right now is try to get buddy-buddy with past Wolvie, right? He starts following him on missions, separating him from Victor, and talking Logan's ear off. Logan is annoyed but it's also nice to be around someone who has a shred of empathy for civilians. Who isn't a bloodthirsty psychopath. So he reluctantly lets him in.

So they become close friends. Wade obviously feels more than that, but what can he do? This was a time when being gay was like a death sentence, and Logan was almost 200 years old. He'd had it ingrained into his head and it took years in modern society to undo that shit.

Logan starts feeling a little hot and bothered around Wade, but doesn't know why. The guy pisses him off but this isn't just that? He kind of wants to yank him closer and just... hold him there. But that can't be right. Firstly, Wade is a man. Secondly, Logan isn't Like That. He's a killing machine, an animal. He doesn't deserve nice things.

But Logan starts to have second thoughts. He starts to doubt what he's doing is right. And this time, with someone other than Victor around, he can share his frustrations. Occasionally he gets drunk enough let himself be vulnerable around Wade (only Wade). He tells him how he hates killing, how he just wants to live a peaceful life, how he can't keep doing this anymore. Wade listens to him and comforts him. Tells him he knows. (Holds him quietly when Logan finally lets himself cry. Logan might not say anything the next day, but he stays so close to Wade that their shoulders are brushing and that's all Wade needs to know he appreciates it.)

And so this continues until Logan decides to quit the Weapon X project. And Wade doesn't exactly know what overcame him in that moment, but he followed Logan. He knows he should let the plot run its course but he couldn't. Not when Logan was disappearing from sight and all Wade could remember was a much older Logan from the future about to walk away until he called out for him.

Logan turns around, angry and cautious and fucking terrified because he's leaving behind the only life he'd ever known. And there was Wade, who'd been there for him through all this shit, grinning awkwardly and holding out his dog tags.

"Twinsies?" Wade chuckles as he places them into Logan's hand. Logan can't decide whether to strangle or hug him, so he settles on a combination.

He punches Wade in the shoulder and mutters, "Asshole," and then wraps him in the most bone-crushingly tight hug he can manage. He clings to Wade like a lifeline, like he can't believe he's real, and it's only then that Wade notices he's shaking.

And... oh.

The realization hits him that it wasn't easy for Logan at all. To leave behind his brother who he'd been with his whole life, the only person who couldn't die like him and understood his instincts. To see Victor become someone unrecognizable, tainted by greed and bloodlust. To leave behind the only semblance of familiarity he knew because the guilt was eating him alive.

Wade can't just abandon him. Can't leave him alone to suffer and become the hardened shell of a man he should have become. He isn't thinking about the future ramifications when he takes Logan by the shoulders, grins, and says he knows a way out. Later that night, he manages to borrow a boat from a coastal settlement in exchange for a warning about Stryker. Logan looks dazed next to him as he easily manages to secure an escape route.

(How long would it have taken him before? When he didn't have a translator? How much did he suffer originally?)

And so they run away together. To Canada, where Wade knew Logan would choose to settle. And Wade meets the woman who would have been Logan's wife, in the original timeline. She's sweet and cute and reminds him of Vanessa in a way that makes him viciously homesick. He can see why Logan liked her.

But they don't end up together. Logan is oddly on guard around her, frowning as she chats happily with Wade. Wade might be a little wary because he knows she's a spy, but Logan should have no reason to be so cagey. When she turns to Logan to flirt, he shuts her down immediately and harshly. He storms off and drags Wade with him. (If Wade didn't know better, it almost looked like he was jealous.)

Later that night, Wade brings her up again. Says that she's pretty and seems interested in Logan. It pains him a little, but it's how the timeline is supposed to go. Logan sneers in response before schooling his face into an expression of indifference and asks him what he thinks of her.

Wade... doesn't know what came over him, suddenly, but he feels a sudden urge to be honest. Maybe it's homesickness or just being sick of bottling up his emotions, but he tells Logan that she reminds him of Vanessa.

Logan's eyes are piercing when he asks who she is. Wade says that she was someone he loved, once. That he thought he'd be together with her forever. That he planned to get married and start a family with her. It tumbles out suddenly, like it was stuck in his throat and he had to throw it up or it'd choke him.

Logan tenses beside him. He stares at his hands blankly, and asks quietly, "Do you miss her?"

Wade hears it for the question it is: "Do you regret being with me?"

So Wade drops against Logan's shoulder and grabs his hand and answers honestly, "I loved her, once. But I'm here now. This is my life." The you're my life goes unspoken.

But Logan hears it anyway, and suddenly he's surging to meet Wade's lips, desperately and hungrily. He's pushing him down and looking at him frantically like he can't quite understand his own feelings but he can't stop them either. And then Wade reaches up, cradles his cheek, and kisses him back. Logan melts into him and clings to Wade so tightly he leaves bruises.

Things are different, after that. Wade and Logan unofficially become a couple, away from the public eye. They live a simple but happy life. Logan and Wade both work at the construction company, with Logan as the lumberjack and Wade as one of the builders. It's not the best money he's made, but it'll do.

Except for the fact that Wade is aware their time together has a limit. And he's even more aware that if he goes down the same road as he did originally, he'll die. Narratively speaking, he replaced Logan's wife as the "leverage to use against him." He knew that meant that Victor would come for his ass first. And Wade unfortunately doesn't have his healing factor yet, which makes him even more vulnerable. He may be stronger and more skilled than Kayla Silverfox, but he can't win against an infinite regen hack.

So he starts planning. He gets in touch with some of the black market channels he knew existed at the time. He gets into some shady mercenary work, just like his past life. It's a lot easier when he knows the ropes. He saves up money and hoards it under the floorboards, alongside a special gun he'd managed to get. One with adamantium bullets.

Here's the thing: Wade loves Logan. He does. He had no intention of "fooling" him with their time together. But here's another thing: Wade isn't stupid. He can't live in the delusion that he'll somehow be safe just because he isn't Kayla. He knows how the story goes. And he knows that if he tries to explain to Logan, he'll forget it immediately. He can't work to create a plan with Logan when the universe seems dead set on keeping him in the dark.

But Wade has hope. Maybe he'll be able to escape with Logan, as soon as Victor's time to shine comes close. And soon it does. He's been keeping tabs on his ex-teammates religiously, so when he hears about the first death he knows what to do.

He brings it up to Logan, prepared to flee with him, to fight together to break apart Stryker's plans, and Logan... looks at him blankly. Like he doesn't understand. So Wade tries again, more frantically, and Logan's brain refuses to let him register it. He asks why he's upset, what Wade wants for dinner, and Wade...

Wade collapses to the ground, shaking. The universe wouldn't fucking let him. It was like an immune system fighting against the intruder in the timeline to cut off the infection. It'd let him stay by Logan's side, for now, and change little things... but it refused to let him change the key events. The anchor points tying the universe together.

Wade goes through the motions numbly, after that. Logan can clearly see something's wrong, and tries cornering him a few times, but Wade brushes it off. He can't deal with that again.

Logan's mind is clearly being fucked with. His memories were sealed from the beginning, and his mind seemed to reject any notion of familiarity. Maybe it was the villain's fault, instead of the universe's. In which case, what could be his end goal? This would just cause things to turn out like they did originally, which would be bad for him. (Unless he had a moment he'd step in. A single moment to intercept. Like them meeting in the bar.)

Then, on the night before Victor arrives, Wade puts his plan into action. He grabs the gun and the money stuffs it into his backpack before he leaves for work. He kisses Logan goodbye at their parting point and walks off with a grim look on his face.

The air has a chill to it that can't just be explained away by the cold. The forest seems distorted. Wade can just feel that it's getting close. He hides the bag in a place only he would know to check that wouldn't be suspicious if Logan caught his scent.

Then he "leisurely" strolls out into the woods, whistling with his hands in his pockets without a care in the world. (He's very tense, actually.)

It's then that Victor pounces. Pinning him to the ground, grinning viciously. "Wilson," he punctuates with his claws pushing closer to his throat, "what a pleasure to know that my brother keeps you as company."

But just as Wade predicted, he doesn't kill him. He cuts him, letting enough of his blood spill to be assumed dead, and then hauls him over his shoulder when he's assured Wade can't move. Fucking figures, they needed an experimental subject anyway.

He wakes up later, in a daze, to being chained down on a table in the lab. Wow, so original. Never been done before. He'd wondered how exactly his role as "Logan's wife" and "Deadpool" would meet, but this was roughly what he'd expected. His genes were the next best thing to Logan's, a way to test out the product with room for failure before the next big thing.

(He wondered how Logan felt when he assumed him dead. Did he storm up to Victor, like last time? Was he more or less mad? Did he cry? Victor wasn't here, had that happened yet or not?)

Wade was no stranger to the fucked-up-experimental-torture routine, so when Stryker entered, he didn't act surprised at all.

"Damn, that's crazy," he said blankly. "So you were secretly running a mutant weapon experimentation program this whole time? Weapon X was so cleverly named after the X gene? What a plot twist."

Stryker looks... shocked at his nonchalance. He gets pissed, too, but it's the anxiety as he asks how the fuck Wade figured that out that clues him in. So people other than Logan can still hear him loud and clear... interesting. He can still influence the world.

He riles Stryker up a bit more, pushes all the right buttons (imagines him as Francis, speaking in the exact same way) and he gets what he wants. Stryker snarls at him, tells him he'll show him how to behave, and decides to torture him.

Now's his chance. "Hate to inform you but I already got a free trial of the kitty cat claws. The only way you'd manage to shut me up would be to strangle me," Wade snorts.

And bingo. Stryker mutters that he'll suffocate him just enough to be painful, putting on gloves and eyeing him with a sadistic viciousness only rivaled in Francis himself.

Wade ignores the instinctive panic at the thought of suffocation and focuses on the bright side. Under the same circumstances, he should trigger his mutation early, right?

[dorabellingham]

Just drive

warning: none

characters: jude x fem!reader

summary: when your water breaks but he doesn't know how to drive to take you to the hospital

may contain spelling and translation errors!

It was a typical summer day in Madrid, the sun was shining brightly, and the heat seemed to increase by the minute. You, nine months pregnant, were relaxing on the couch with the fan on, trying to ease the discomfort of the final stretch of your pregnancy. Your big belly was proof that Amala was almost here, and you already felt a mix of anxiety and excitement at being so close to meeting your daughter. Jude, attentive to your every move, approached you every few minutes, asking if you needed anything, if you wanted water, if everything was okay. Even with his anxiety and care, he couldn't hide his nervousness about the upcoming birth.

—Honey, I'm fine, stop looking at me like I'm going to explode at any moment!

You laughed, seeing your husband's worried look.

—It's not that, but... what if it explodes? I mean, what if... —He hesitated, scratching the back of his neck. —What if your water suddenly breaks?

You laughed more, already used to his exaggerated concerns.

—I'll let you know, don't worry.

But ironically, that's exactly what happened moments later. You felt a strong contraction and then...water running down your legs. Your water had broken.

—Jude...

You called, trying to stay calm as you felt the wave of pain increase.

Jude, who was in the kitchen, dropped the glass of water he was holding when he heard the serious tone in your voice. He ran into the living room and found you with your eyes closed, breathing deeply, trying to deal with the pain.

—Is...is it now?

He asked, his eyes wide.

You nodded, still breathing deeply.

—Yeah. She's coming.

That was enough for Bellingham to panic. He started pacing back and forth, grabbing his cell phone, putting his hands on his head, clearly not knowing what to do.

—Okay, breathe, Jude, breathe! I just need to take you to the hospital, that's all! I just...uh...where are the car keys? I'll drive!

Between contractions, you looked at him and noticed the despair on his face. It was true, he didn't know how to drive. In the rush of moving to Madrid and with the intense routine of games, he had never taken the time to learn. You were the one who always drove, which wasn't a problem... until now.

—Jude... you don't know how to drive...

You said, with a mix of concern and pain.

—But you can't drive like that! Not when you're... with... with Amala coming.

He started gesturing, trying to find a solution.

The pain increased, and you grimaced. Even in the midst of the chaos, you tried to stay calm.

—Babe, I'll guide you... you'll have to... you'll have to try.

With a mix of desperation and determination, he helped you get up and, together, you walked to the car parked in the garage. You, still in pain, sat in the passenger seat, while Jude took the wheel for the first time.

—It's okay, honey. Just… just stay calm.

You said, trying to focus between contractions.

Jude took a deep breath, adjusted the seat and the steering wheel, but his hands were shaking. He started the car and looked at you as if waiting for some confirmation that everything was okay.

—Jude, step on the brake before putting it in gear. That’s it, that’s it… now take it easy, don’t rush, just go.

The car moved slowly through the garage, and you tried to hold back your laughter, mixed with the pain and the surreal situation. With every meter traveled, Bellingham concentrated as if he was about to score a decisive goal.

—Babe, just… go straight. It’s not that hard, just relax…

You said between contractions, trying to stay calm for him.

Jude murmured softly to himself, a kind of mantra to keep from panicking. You finally reached the street, and he accelerated a little more, but with the same excessive caution of someone driving for the first time.

—Jude, can you go a little faster… I… I need to get to the hospital before Ama…

You said, trying to breathe between words.

—Okay, okay....I'm going.

He sped up a little, but any slower car seemed like an insurmountable obstacle to him. It was as if he was facing the biggest match of his life.

Halfway there, a new wave of pain took over you, and in reaction you squeezed your boyfriend’s arm tightly. He looked at you quickly, worried.

—Sweetheart, are you okay? I… I’m driving as fast as I can.

—Jude Victor, focus on the road, please! Just… just get there.

After a few streets, you finally saw the hospital. With one last awkward turn and a somewhat crooked parking lot, Jude managed to stop the car in front of the emergency entrance. He ran out of the car, calling for help, while you tried to keep your breathing under control, already relieved to be there.

Nurses arrived quickly, putting you in a wheelchair and starting to guide you inside. Jude held your hand until the last moment, making it clear how much he was with you, even without knowing how to deal with the situation.

—Sorry, Y/n… I didn't know driving would be so… so complicated!

He said, his voice still shaking.

You smiled, despite the pain.

—Jude, you did a great job. Now… go ahead, come meet our little girl.

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (XXV)

Chapter 25: ‘They will think of ways to make you smile so you can be happy for a while’

Hi! Here is a new chapter! Some embarrassing scenes for both our babies… it’s pretty cute! Also, Siobhán is back, hence the poem!

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so no minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 2247

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

A Friend

A person who will listen and not condemn Someone on whom you can depend They will not flee when bad times are here Instead they will be there to lend an ear They will think of ways to make you smile So you can be happy for a while When times are good and happy there after They will be there to share the laughter Do not forget your friends at all For they pick you up when you fall Do not expect to just take and hold Give friendship back, it is pure gold.

Gillian Jones

You were kissing him.

Hands in his hair, gently pulling, not enough to hurt, but enough to tug and make his brain short-circuit altogether.

Your lips left his for a moment, he blinked his eyes open, bending further to keep you close. You were in his arms, he was holding you against him, and you were bringing your lips to his ear, and it was divine, really, the feeling of you so close, your warm breath fanning over his cheek as you whispered.

“Andy, I want you…”

He held your face then, to bring your lips back to his, and you let him… and not only did you let him kiss you, you let him deepen that kiss, you kissed him back, you moaned into his mouth…

“I want you,” he whispered against your lips, breathing heavily, panting even. “God, you have no idea how much I want you, Y/N…”

You kissed again, both of you breathless while you struggled to walk across your living room, and all the way across your flat. You stumbled a little on the bed, both of you struggling to take your clothes off.

And suddenly there was so much skin to touch, to kiss, to gently bite on…

The way you sighed his name…

“Andy…”

He was kissing the skin of your thighs when you spoke his name again, louder this time.

“Andy.”

Your taste on his lips when you shouted, but it didn’t sound like a pleasurable cry…

“Andy!”

Andrew jumped up, startled, opening his eyes and falling onto the floor as the chair under him was pushed away by his rushed movements.

“Christ! Andy, you’re alright?”

He blinked, facing wooden tiles, a floor he recognised instantly…

“Andy?”

He looked up, following your voice. You were crouching by his side, fully dressed, in your black jeans and blue jumper, staring at him with worry in your eyes.

His eyes grew round.

He was at work. He had fallen asleep, he was in your office, in the same room as you while he dreamt of…

He sat up in a hurry, blushing to an extreme, looking anywhere but in your direction. Jesus… how could he ever look at you again…

His breathing was a mess, you stared at him with worried eyes, he knew you did, he could feel your gaze on him and the intention behind it.

“You’re okay? You look like you’re panicking…”

“I’m alright, sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, you just… you were dozing off. I should have been more… gentle, I guess, to wake you up.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost 10 p.m.”

“Christ, we should go home anyway. Thank you for waking me.”

He was still doing his best to look away, to not make eye-contact with you…

… for now, he could see your eyes looking down on him while his tongue was…

“Well, if it makes you fall off your chair, that must have been some dream you were having,” you joked, unaware of how true your words were.

“Yeah,” he joked. “I don’t know, can’t remember to be fair.”

He was finally back on his feet, and you were standing too. You gave him a smile, again, he wasn’t looking at you but he could feel it. He could hear it in your voice too.

“You look flustered, Andy,” you chuckled.

He nervously rubbed at the back of his neck.

A lie, a lie, a lie… he needed to find a lie. He couldn’t tell you the truth, obviously, how he had dreamt of kissing you, of doing much more than simply kissing you…

He rested his hand on his desk for support, but when he looked as his own fingers, he could see them again touching your bare skin, picture them pleasuring you…

He cleared his throat, reached for his jacket.

“Yeah, well… I did fall asleep on the job and then made an arse of myself so…”

“Oh, Andy…”

Your voice was so soft, so filled with fondness that he had to look up at you.

“You truly are adorable when you blush, you know?” you said, and even though he guessed that there was teasing in your words, your voice sounded too genuine to feel this way.

You chuckled, embarrassed at your confession, it seemed. You pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

And then you started laughing, trying to hide it behind your hand at first, but then you were gone in a fit of laughter.

“You…” you choked on your own words, brushing tears away, and your laugh was so infectious, Andrew started to chuckle as well. “You falling from your chair… was hilarious though… you just…”

You dramatically imitated his fall, making him explode with laughter too. You couldn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes, both of you holding your painful stomachs.

“You’re right though, let’s go home. It’s late, I’m exhausted… and we do have to do this all over again tomorrow.”

“My God… don’t mention that…” Andrew smiled, waiting for you to turn off your computer and put on your coat.

For once, he would have preferred to make a quick escape, so he could curse at himself all he wanted and let himself fully feel the unbearable weight of embarrassment that came with his fantasies; but it would have seemed strange, completely out of character and habits, and he didn’t want you to ask more questions.

He walked with you out of the empty building and all the way to your cars. You chatted about the classes you had the next day, the book he had just begun reading. It was so easy, talking with you, Andrew almost forgot his dream. He was only hit with the memory again when you turned to him to bid him good night, all grin and shiny smile, looking unbearably beautiful in the orange streetlights. He wanted to kiss you again then, and that’s when the images came back, how he imagined you lying in bed under him, moaning his name…

He cleared his throat, bid you good night and hurried to disappear into his car while he fiercely blushed again.

“Y/N!”

“SIOBHÁN!”

People looked at the two of you as you ran across the train station, falling into each other’s arms, but none of you cared. Your best friend was back for a week, you had so many things to say and do together!

You helped her with her luggage while you crossed the station, then the parking lot all the way to your car. Before going to your flat, you needed to drop by Trinity for a meeting with Lydia you couldn’t move around in your schedule. There would be a conference organised later this year, hosted by Trinity, and she needed to start planning some details with you. Lydia wanted you for a conference, even if she hadn’t asked you officially yet, it was obviously the reason behind that meeting. You were grateful already that she would include you as one of the main speakers.

So, you took Siobhán to Trinity, showed her your building, got a coffee with her before heading to your office. She had brought her laptop, wanted to get some work done while waiting for you. After all, no one was truly on vacation when doing an academic job…

You spent some time talking with Colm in the corridor leading to your office, and he greeted your friend with a joyous tone. You were surprised to learn that he knew about Siobhán’s work, and you were almost ready to leave them alone for the rest of the afternoon as they were enthralled in a discussion about their work, when the door to your office opened. You saw Andrew walking out, bending down to avoid the doorframe. He greeted you with a warm smile, one that turned shyer when he noticed your friend.

Meanwhile, you saw the way Siobhán was raising a surprised eyebrow at your colleague, the way she blinked a couple of times and let her eyes trail along his frame for a couple of seconds, before catching herself.

“Hi, Andy!”

Siobhán sent you a questioning look that silently asked ‘THIS is Andy?!’

“Hi,” he answered with a tender smile.

“I’m glad to bump into you! I wanted to introduce you to my good friend, Siobhán! She’s staying in Dublin for a week. This is Andrew,” you added as you turned to Siobhán, without any other explanation. After all, you talked about Andrew often… or maybe, all the time.

“That’s very nice to meet you,” Andrew spoke in his softest, quietest voice, the one he used when he was feeling particularly shy, or when he wanted to soothe people around him.

He offered your friend his open palm, and she shook his hand with a grin.

“It’s nice to meet you too! Y/N can’t stop yapping about you, you know?”

You nudged her in the ribs, but she barely noticed. Andrew raised a surprised eyebrow, and yet you witnessed his expression turning into a smug one, almost cheeky.

“Does she now?” he asked, his tone teasing, and you hated your stupid heart for skipping a few beats at the light in his eyes, at how low and deep his voice sounded, at the hint of flirt in his tone…

“All the time. It’s exhausting!”

“Siobhán!” you complained, but your friend merely shrugged.

“Just telling the truth!”

“I only hope Y/N doesn’t tell too many bad things about me.”

“Nah, don’t worry! On the contrary!”

“Alright, we’ve got to go now, sorry! Weren’t you heading for a class, Andy?”

“I was, yeah…”

“Good…”

“But I can stay five more minutes if your friend can provide us with some terribly humiliating stories about you…”

“Ha, I’m afraid I can’t disclose such information to you, Andrew,” Siobhán replied.

“Really? Why not?”

“I have a feeling she would prefer to be more… attractive, to you.”

He raised a surprised eyebrow again, while your eyes were going as round as saucers.

“Bye, Andy,” you mumbled under your breath, grabbing Siobhán by the arm and dragging her inside your office while she waved at Andrew. You didn’t turn around to see his reaction, didn’t want to bear witness to your own humiliation…

You shut the door and locked it before turning to your friend, aghast.

“What the fuck was that?!”

“Are you banging him?!”

“What?! Of course not! He’s a colleague! He’s a friend!”

“He’s so bloody hot, though, Y/N…”

“Siobhán!”

“I am only speaking the truth. You’re single. He’s single. You’re hot. He’s hot. It all comes together beautifully. And such a nice voice he has… so damn sexy…”

“I am not sleeping with Andy nor will I sleep with him in the future.”

“He likes you.”

You snorted.

“Yeah, sure,” you replied sarcastically.

“He does! Did you see the way he beamed at you? He’s into you.”

“He’s not.”

“He is!”

“He’s not!”

“But you are into him.”

You blinked, opened and closed your mouth a couple of times trying to think of something to say, of an argument to find… but there was nothing that could come out of your mouth for a long time. Too long for your next words to be believed by this woman who knew you better than yourself.

“I… am not! I’m not! Not at all!”

“Oh, yes… you are…”

“I am not! I… I’m trying to get Frank back!”

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow, but you merely heaved a sigh.

“Sorry, I really do have to go to my meeting now, I’ll be back later.”

You left for your meeting, which turned into exactly what you had expected. You obviously accepted to be one of the speakers at the conference, and started planning a subject for your lecture.

Over an hour later, when you came back to your office, Andrew was chatting with Siobhán. You recognised his nervous laughter, the way he bent his shoulders a little to seem smaller and less intimidating. He was shy, but he seemed to genuinely get along fine with your friend, and for some reason, you felt a great feeling of pride run through you at the sight.

They both turned to you as you entered the room.

“So?” Andy asked, and you merely grinned at him. “Ha! I knew she would ask you to be one of the speakers!”

“Has she asked you yet?”

Andrew shook his head.

“I’ll apply, once we can officially do so.”

“Fingers crossed!”

He heaved a painful sigh.

“Christ, I hate those things…”

The three of you kept on chatting for a little while, but then Andrew was heading to another class, and you and Siobhán were going home. You had barely walked out of the building that your friend held onto your arm and leaned closer to whisper in your ear.

“Christ, Andrew is so much better than Frank. I give the two of you my blessing!”

You rolled your eyes.

“There’s nothing between us!”

“There should be! You deserve someone better than Frank. Someone like Andrew. Someone who looks at you the way Andrew does.”

“What do you mean?” you frowned at her words.

She gave you a knowing look.

“Y/N… his eyes lit up every time I mentioned you. He was looking at you like you hung the stars and the moon… the lad is a goner. Don’t waste your chance.”

You laughed at her, brushed it all off, told her she was mad and should stop talking nonsense. Andrew didn’t even like you. He couldn’t have…

… could he?

[ecklekecle]

HEADCANON i think Regulus was a happy baby compared to Sirius. Like, imagine this, i think Sirius was the type of baby who would cry non-stop, no matter what his parents did, he would cry and whine and do what babies do yk, and was just a difficult baby to take care of in general, but Regulus on the other hand was a happy, giggling, smiling baby. And like, this dynamic would continue into when they were kids. Regulus would find Sirius hilarious, and would follow him around everywhere. Regulus would probably have one of those really contagious laughs that are like, you know when kids laugh? and they're giggling and can't breathe, it's like that. And I feel like Sirius would always be causing trouble, but not because he hates his parents, not yet anyway, but because as an older sibling, he likes to show Regulus that he's cool and he wants Regulus to look up to him.

Now when Sirius goes to Hogwarts, Regulus laughs less cause their no more happiness in the house, but it's back when Sirius comes back of course, and tell's Regulus all the things that happened. But once Regulus goes to hogwarts (and gets sorted into slytherin) they start talking less, even at home. Sirius starts rebelling more, and Regulus starts to keep more to himself, mental health definitely getting worse. Even around his friends he never lets himself go and laugh like he used to, they only get a chuckle or two, and thats on his good days. And during his school years, before getting the dark mark, he would just continue to shield himself from others, creating a cold personaity for himself to keep others away, though his friends knew the "real" him. But as his parents got worse, and Sirius left home for the Potter's, he got worse mentally and physically as he kept himself safe from his parents.

When he gets the dark mark, and he's finally alone and spiralling, he just lets out a hysterical laugh and there's no more of the childhood innocence and no more joy in the laugh, it's just filled with anguish as he as he tries to hold back tears annd sobs by laughing. yeah And then he yk dies

But to add to this imagine all their relatives knowing Regulus and his laugh and like, their cousins loved making little Regulus laugh and while Sirius was the moody one yk But in hogwarts everyone knows Sirius Black. He's charismatic and whatever but everyone questions how he's even related to Regulus. If they didn't look so alike, no one would even guess they were related.

I guess there could be a happier side to this (if ur a jegulus fan), as he and james start to talk adn get moore serious yk. even tho Regulus won't admit it, James makes him laugh. With James, Regulus can relax and laugh like a child again, and it sounds just as it did when he was younger, filled with joy and the childhood innocence he thought he had lost. And then he reconnects with his brother and they all live happily ever after the end :0

someone's probably already talked about this but i thought it would be interesting especially since younger regulus contrasts older regulus, and vice vera with sirius but also sirius and regulus contrasts each other. parallels or whatever i might just be using words to seem smart lol the black brother just make me sick i love them sm this idea just came to my head as i once again procrastinated studying but luckily exams are over now so yippee?

[ruruumin]

put me in, coach

₊˚ ᗢ itoshi rin x fem! reader.

⤷ you were given one last chance in the industry.

with a sharp inhale, you choked up a sob, biting down on the bottom of your lip as you lay on the ground, helplessly waiting for a medic to pick you up. your cheeks were burning with a mixture of humiliation and frustration. on the ground like a helpless damsel, you were waiting to be saved by someone. you were holding onto the fake grass with enough force to rip the tarp below. sweat and drool dripped down your chin as you shivered. eyes staring up at the clear clouds as you trembled. your lungs started to hurt every time you breathed and you swore you had the wind knocked out of you. 

squeezing your leg muscle with one hand, you restrained seething tears. looking up at your opponent, you were left wide-eyed as they stood above you, the sun shining down on their figure as they smiled slowly, their pupils collapsing in on themselves like a spiral wishing well. they watched gleefully as you were carried away on a stretcher. 

after making it past the dark tunnels and into a private room, you finally let yourself cry for the first time in years. an unfortunate mishap that caused you not only the world cup but your pride. you held your face in your hands, covering it from the blinding lights from what you assume to be the inside of an ambulance.

→ WORLD-CLASS ATHLETE (NAME) TEARS THEIR ACL: IS THIS THE END OF HER SOCCER CAREER?

↳ retrogamer129: no way, this might be the end of (name)’s career

↳ fuumuni: did you guys see the way the other team sabotaged her? so fucked up

↳ (name)fangirl101: they need to be held responsible, if you look back on the clips, you can see they had no remorse for what they did

↳ cherrybomb_249: it looked like it could have been an accident. don’t point fingers and ruin someone else’s soccer career over a mistake

that was a year ago. 

after you tore your acl, you weren’t able to go back on the field as you used to. because of your absence, your team couldn’t make it to the world cup. they lost a crucial part of their team and with your career hanging on a balance, the club you were once in had to disband. it was a cruel fate for any athlete. 

everyone hears stories about people’s dreams getting cut short. and not a single person wants to be in that story, including you.

tucking in your legs slightly, you wrap your arms around your muscles. pressing your forehead against your knees, you think about the events that led up to this moment. when you were younger, you would play a lot of soccer with itoshi sae, a close friend of yours. he had this light, red-bean-colored hair with his bangs pulled back, exposing his permanent scowl. he was a good player. taught you a few tricks that led to you getting into a fancy soccer club. 

he had a rowdy little brother that seemed to always look up to you. when he wasn’t playing with his dinosaur toys, he would be at your practices, watching you kick the ball into the goal. your friends used to think he admired you on the same level he did for sae. after all, he’d always tug on your hand whenever you bought him popsicles, insisting that you share with him (a rare feat his mother once told you, rin doesn’t like to share).

he and sae shared a lot of similarities. whether it be the scowl on his face or the way they both liked those cheap blue popsicles from the convenience store, they were bound by more than just blood. they had a lot of talent riding on them. 

when you left to go study abroad, you were a little sad to see a tiny rin wave to you at the airport. it was pretty obvious he was holding back tears. you were the first in his little circle to leave japan. the second would be his older brother sae, who followed closely behind you, insisting that there would be better players out in the world. 

unlike sae however, you would frequently keep up with rin on the phone. calling him once in a while, checking up on his studies and watching recorded videos of his games, it felt like things hadn’t changed. you knew in your heart that the two itoshi brothers had something special within them, something so odd it kept you on your toes, expecting something spectacular. 

when you left japan, you met another oddball: a tall, lanky man who loved nothing but soccer. he was your coach leading up to the world cup. you figure that if he could be anything in the world, he would want to be the best striker in the entire universe (and beyond, if aliens and other extraterrial life existed). 

you were only able to play a few games with him while he was training you. however, in that short amount of time, you learned more than you ever could. from small quips here and there about a person’s talent and ego, as well as the brutal reality that is over exhausting yourself, he was one of the best coaches you had to this day. on short trips, you would begin to piece together things about him. from the foods he wanted to eat, to his biggest dream, he was certainly a character. even more so when his parents named him after a very unique word: ego. and ego was something he never lacked in.

so when a mysterious letter shows up at your doorstep, you were sure that it was something related to him. 

✦

“please welcome my former student and previous runner-up for the world cup: (name) (last name).”

walking through the dramatic double-sliding doors, you push back your bangs, tilting your head off to the side as you observe the large room. instead of wearing the typical blue-lock, skin-tight uniform, the boys were provided with, you were thankfully given something more comfortable and lax. the only requirement you had was to keep your lanyard on it at all times, as your id card was the only way you could access most of the doors. 

“they’ll be training and determining whether or not you’ll make it to the next selection. if you play less than satisfactory, you can kiss your soccer dreams goodbye,” ego claps his hands together, treating them more like dogs than people, “for this small buffer period, you’ll be playing against each other using your current team.” 

“why is a girl teaching us? couldn’t you have gotten someone from the men’s world cup?” 

“isn’t she injured still?” 

ego hums, cracking his neck as he pulls it to the side, “why does it matter? she was my student. a good one too. even with her leg, she’ll still make a valuable coach. it’d be a waste to let that level of talent slip by and rot.” 

swallowing your nervousness, he continues, “when you get older, you’ll start to understand.” 

with that, ego turns his body around, straightening his back as he walks through the double doors. you suppose that’s all he has to say about you. he surprisingly said nice things. when you were training with him, you could only remember how blunt and disconnected his words were. to think he had a bit of a nice side made you a little unnerved. 

though, not as much as the overwhelmingly cold stare you felt.

a shiver runs down your spine. rotating your body in the direction of danger, you see rin in the crowd, standing with a firm yet disappointed expression. whether or not it was directed towards you remains a mystery. you cowardly avoid his gaze, unsure if you even want to see him right now.

or perhaps the better choice of words is: you don’t want him to see you. 

when you left for the world cup, you promised him that you would return with something to show. to come back to japan with nothing meant you failed in more ways than one. not only did you let your team, club, and country down, you had shattered the promise you had given to rin several years ago. at the very least, sae had something to show, but for you? there was nothing. all you had was the legacy you left behind for the next person to take up. a stepping stone for someone else’s ambition.

now the boy you used to share popsicles with was growing far out of your reach. not only was he a lot taller and leaner, he was getting better at an alarming rate. and with him at blue lock, it was almost certain you’d see his name show up in the u-20 match that ego had promised. 

you’re starting to feel pressure rising to your ears. it feels like water getting tunneled through your ear canals, deafening any sort of noise that flies past you. if it was anyone else, would they have fallen this low? or was it destined just for you? everything was starting to feel dizzy at this point.

squeezing your eyes shut, you quickly follow behind ego’s footsteps, dragging yourself out of the field as a familiar pair of turquoise eyes harden on your retreating figure.

✦

“this is a lot harder than i thought.” as the day comes to an end, some of the boys at blue lock are finally settling into their rooms. gathering around at the edges of their bed, they sat up with a sigh of relief, finally free from the training they call hell (for now, of course.)

most of them thought that training would be as easy as any other task. however, they underestimated blue lock again. instead of a standardized test like shooting goals, every person had a different task and weakness they needed to work on. for example, reo needed help to hone his technique, nagi had to work on his stamina, and isagi had a full-body workout to perfect his direct shots. everyone else was in the same boat, having been worked to their bones.

chigiri falls back onto his soft, comfortable mattress, too tired to even brush out the knots in his hair. “she’s really strict. i had to do 30 laps around the field before i could even shoot a goal.” 

“i would have never expected her to be so strict.” isagi comments, “i knew she was good but this is on another level. it feels like she can see right through us. i have to admit, my muscles are feeling prepped and ready for our next match.” 

“only you would think about it so positively,” these were nagi’s last words before he closes his eyes, falling asleep immediately like a light switch.

isagi scratches the back of his neck, “this might be the hardest test so far. it doesn’t look like rin isn’t having it any easier.” 

at the mention of his name, the rest of the room groans in unison. in the other room, there were two people left on the pitch. 

raising his right leg, rin kicks the ball with as much spin and force as he can. watching as it soars through the air and curves to the top left of the goal, it collides with the net with a satisfying sound. raising his eyebrow, he quickly looks over at your direction, seeing you crouched down with an unamused expression. this reaction causes him to deflate slightly.

“again.”

hitting the ball once more, it spins with the same amount of curve but with more power. the force from his kick nearly knocked over the goal entirely. even though it was better than his previous shot, there was no denying the cold, slick sound of your voice cutting through the air like butter.

“again.” 

same with the third time, you continue to ask him for the same kick over, and over again. and while he’s all for long training sessions in soccer, this was getting ridiculous even for him. for once, he’s feeling the burn in his legs and the tickling sensation on the tip of his tongue. bending over slightly, he wipes away the small trickle of drool that escapes his lips. 

“why am i doing the same thing? we should be moving onto something else.”

“because it’s not good enough.” you reply, tapping your fingers on a small screen, “with a kick like that, it’s difficult for it to be properly reproduced. your accuracy is slightly off at times and the power you put in is fluctuating.” 

standing up from your position, you brush the dirt off your knees, “i think we have to move onto doing laps.” 

“no.” 

“huh?”

“i can make the next shot.” 

“i said,” stepping forward, you press a finger to his chest, “to do another lap.” 

his gaze sharpens to a pinpoint. wiping away the bead of sweat on his temple, he huffs. slapping your hand away, he stands before you, unwavering in his form. only now can you see how much taller he was compared to you. he was towering over you at this point, looming with a force that was weighing you down. wrapping your fingers around your tablet, you try to straighten your back, exhaling with nervousness. 

“what is it?” 

with him being so close to you, he can see the way your eyes have aged over time. they no longer held the same light he grew up seeing. the fiery passion that once ignited your soul has now died into a small, handheld flame he could smother in an instant. things have changed drastically since he last saw you at the airport. 

are you going to come home soon? when is the next time i’ll see you? rin asked, holding onto his older brother’s hand. although it must have been at least 5 years since he said those words, he could still taste the sweet and bitter chocolate croissant you bought for him. hit was early in the morning when you were about to board the next flight. alongside your mother and father, his family was accompanying you to the airport, ready to say their final goodbyes. 

only when i win the world cup! you replied, throwing up a confident peace sign in his direction, when i come back, we can play as much as you want, okay?

you promise?

yup! popping the p, you turned around and waved, grinning for what felt to be the last time.

instead of coming home with the smile he always dreamt of, you returned timid and afraid. after losing the world cup to another team, you had lost everything. from trophies to any victory you had before, it was gone in an instant. in one, final… crushing blow to the knee. he had always hoped it wouldn’t be you on the stretcher. now that it’s been an entire year, the truth remains the same.

“since when did you look this pathetic?” he brushes you aside, drawing a breath between his lips, “you used to be the best player, right next to sae,” you can hear him grit his teeth at the slightest mention of him, “and now you’re playing coach to a bunch of children.”

“what?”

“you heard me. you’re wasting your time here.” rin reaches out to one of the soccer balls on the ground, rolling it against the tip of his foot. you stand off to the side, unable to form a coherent sentence to rebut him. 

“what happened to you that day?”

you only remember the painful ride to the hospital. a cramped ambulance with five paramedics on the scene pushing down on your muscles. so when rin asks you about the events that led to this moment, your lips grow dry and chapped. 

→ POSSIBLE SABOTAGE FROM ITALY? (NAME)’S TORN ACL CAUSES TROUBLE FOR HER TEAM

↳ numba1soccerfan10: (name) was totally robbed at the last play

↳ jurassic_lover: nah i think she got skill diff’d, she wasn’t all that good anyway

↳ gojoisthebest03857: are you crazy?? did we even watch the same game

→ TOP TEN WORST ATHLETE INJURIES OF ALL TIME

↳ furumuni: that’s so fucked up, (name) just got injured and there's already a youtube video about it.

↳ silent_ninja: all these clips are insane to watch

→ (NAME)’S RETIREMENT? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE NEXT UPCOMING STRIKER?

↳ (name)fangirl101: she’ll bounce back, she has to

↳ [deleted]: this is some serious cope 

→ ANOTHER UNFORTUNATE CASE OF A TORN ACL: (NAME)’S CAREER HANGS ON A BALANCE, WILL SHE RECOVER?

↳ JBlue: if she can recover, it’ll be a miracle.

“shut up,” you say, standing your ground as the world around you begins to spin. 

the plain white walls of the facility bleed into your vision. it melts alongside the memories of being subjected to the long ambulance ride to the hospital. a blinding light that never leaves you. everything comes apart so easily when you’re reminded of that awful ride to hell.

“just face it, you’re lukewarm.” 

before rin can make any other comments, a ball collides with his nose head-on. he falls to the ground in shock. eyes blown wide as he looks up at your heaving figure. your breaths were becoming sporadic and difficult to control. everything around you looked like it was contorting. from the blue and black uniforms to the redness in rin’s cheek, life itself was beginning to morph into a terrifying sludge. yet despite this, the black and white color of the soccer ball was impossible to miss. 

it was the only thing you could see. 

so when you slammed that ball towards rin using your non-dominant foot, it wasn’t because of malice. you didn’t hate him for the words he was saying. to an extent, they were true. but there was something about this sport that made you keep going, a drive that has you up in its arms. 

that kick was love. it was love for a sport that has flown too far out of your reach. 

with this chance at blue lock being your last chance at staying within this exclusive world, you were determined to stay within its reach. 

“i’m the last person you should be calling lukewarm.” 

→ (NAME)’S RETURN TO THE SCENE AS BLUE LOCK’S NEXT COACH

[marksbear2]

Don’t know if you’re taking requests rn or even for this character but Pietro maximoff x male reader headcanons? Can be sfw or nsfw (if nsfw top male reader please)

Pietro Maximoff x Top male reader

⚠️Warnings!!⚠️— SFW at the top NSFW at the bottom. Romantic and cute at the top then freaky at the bottom.

— Pietro can be impulsive and reckless at times, but when it comes to you, he’s surprisingly protective. He’s always the first to step in if anyone tries to hurt or insult you, even if it means risking his own safety.

— Pietro loves to tease you, often using his super-speed to steal your things or make you chase after him. He finds it adorable when you get a little frustrated, but deep down, he knows he’s only playing.

— Despite his fast-paced nature, Pietro enjoys quiet moments with you—whether it's laying on the couch together, talking about your day, or just holding your hand while watching a movie. He finds calm in being near you, especially after a stressful mission.

— Even though he might seem like the cocky, thrill-seeking type, Pietro knows when to slow down and listen. If you ever feel overwhelmed, he’s there to talk, offering a kind word or making you laugh with his wit to take your mind off things.

— You and Pietro often have fun little races, whether on foot, with vehicles, or just seeing who can get to the kitchen first. Of course, he always wins, but the challenge is part of the fun, and he’ll playfully boast about his victory.

— People often see Pietro as a fast, brash hero, but with you, he lets his softer side shine through. He’s a sucker for small gestures like holding hands, giving you little surprise gifts, or cooking breakfast for you after a long night.

— Pietro can be a bit possessive when it comes to you, though he doesn’t always show it outwardly. If someone flirts with you or gets too close, he might speed up to your side or subtly brush it off with a teasing remark, but deep down, he’s a little jealous.

— When you’re sick or injured, Pietro is more than just quick to act—he’s incredibly attentive. He’ll keep you company, fetch you anything you need in a flash, and insist on staying close, even if you tell him you’re fine.

— One of the best parts of your relationship is the playful banter. Pietro loves to challenge you mentally and joke around, often throwing out sarcastic remarks, but always with a grin that lets you know he’s joking.

— Sometimes, Pietro doesn’t need to say anything to show how much he cares. He’ll watch you from across the room, his eyes softening when you’re busy doing something you love, or just casually brushing against you in passing, showing his affection without words.

NSFW BELOW

— He’s sucking your dick at super speed. He tries to go as fast as he can to make you cum quick to tease you afterwards how you only lasted a few seconds, he’s also jerking you off using his powers just to abruptly stop before you cum.

— Very needy, he’s always suggesting you two should sneak off and have sex somewhere.

— His biggest kink is dry humping, you two making out while just humping each others dick against one another. Feeling your bulge against his own crotch or it being pressed against his ass is enough to get him going, though he’s impatient during foreplay.

— He’s very loud, he would be whining and moaning mumbling words in Russian or English, begging for your cock and you to be faster. He likes it rough, rough and as hard as you can go.

— Since he’s impatient he’s very bad at edging. Whenever he tries to edge, he gets frustrated immediately wanting to cum. Even if your edging him he’ll cum all over himself the moment your all the way inside of him.

— He also likes getting choked or anything kinky, it sends his body thrills whenever your hands wrap around his throat while you force your cock deeply inside of him. He’ll be gasping while a smirk on his face. Pull his hair or slap him with your cock he loves anything you give him and will take it.

— Lots of times the reason why you two have sex so often is because he’s a really easily jealous man. He’ll make it clear that he jealous and would want sex with you in order to remind himself that yours his. He’ll mark your body with hickeys and bites.

— He loves riding your cock. He likes to take things at his own pace, holding onto your thighs to balance himself as he fucks himself down on your cock. He’ll be moaning his ass off calling your name and whatever pet name you like.

— He’ll also praise you and worship your cock, even when moaning and rambling in Russian, he’s obsessed with your cock. He becomes stupid the moment he sees your cock.

— He also likes to have sex ag night, it’s the mischievous feeling the fact that the bed shaking and him moaning your name super loud which is probably causing the neighbors not to get much sleep it excites him. He would tell the world how much he loves you and you fucking him. He’ll be louder every time someone complains about the noise.

THE END

[yanderefarm]

How did ares wedding/proposal go with us

🐀

cw;; violence mentioned, yandere tendencies, murder, hurt/comfort

i think this was the ask that originally had me revealing that you and ares aren't actually married yet. but here's a proposal? kind of. im sure he made you do a big fancy one eventually but!! still.

you have lived with ares for a while now and despite his knack for violence it's been domestic bliss. you go to work, come home, and get adored by your boyfriend. well, boyfriend is a weird term for it. technically you two are boyfriends but somehow ares seemed to have skipped that step. whenever he would introduce himself to people in your life he would call himself your wife and you were his husband. you even got so used to calling him wife you forgot you two weren't actually married.

the only thing that reminded you of your unmarried status was that pretty golden ring around your lover's finger. you were holding his hand, your thumb mindlessly playing with the band while some trashy reality tv show played in the background. you looked at the ring as you started to slide it up his finger.

"....have you ever thought about actually getting married? ..... i mean like to me."

ares turned his head to look at you with confusion. "we're married?"

"no. we're not."

"you're playing with my wedding ring."

"yeah. the wedding ring from your ex husband."

he blinked and then looked down at his hand, his brows furrowed. "oh."

"...so? have you ever thought about marrying me?"

he looked between the ring and your face before smiling softly. "of course I want to marry you. you're my husband."

"but I'm not." you didn't realize just how deeply this was bothering you until you were pouting.

"yes you are."

"no. that stupid... that guy is still your husband. he got you first."

"are you jealous?" ares asked in his flirtatious way, a finger going up to twirl his hair.

"no. i mean... yes but I don't want you to get that way about it. I'm serious."

ares dropped his hand and shifted to face you. "you know I don't care about that man anymore, don't you?"

"i... i guess?" you let out a sigh and looked away from him. "why do you... keep so much stuff that reminds you of him?"

"it doesn't remind me of him." ares reached out and cupped your face in his soft hand, pulling you to look at him again.

you found yourself leaning into his hand. "it's his wedding ring... his heart... you still have some of his clothes."

"i got rid of the hearts like you wanted."

"god, don't say it like that i feel like I'm being unreasonable."

he chuckled. "i want to gouge out the eyes of everyone who looks at you but you're unreasonable?"

you let out a little huff and leaned against his forehead. "maybe we're both unreasonable."

"i don't want you to feel bad, honey bunny. tell me what you need from me and I'll do my best to give you it."

"what if i want to burn down this house with all of his belongings and your ring and run away together?"

"i could arrange that."

you chuckled letting your head fall to his shoulder. "i just... i wish i knew you didn't love him anymore... sometimes i.. i worry you're going to get bored of me, cheat, and kill me."

his fingers ran through your hair coaxing you closer into him until your nose nestled against his neck.

"you're nothing like him. he didn't love me... he was just scared of me all the time. he knew what I was doing and he hated me for it... you would never treat me like that."

"i think most people would be scared of you killing people..."

he pouted. "you're not. you love me."

"yeah because im crazy. and you're crazy."

"I'll never find someone else who loves my crazy like you."

"can i take it off?" you started to slide his ring off as you leaned in for a kiss.

"please. i only want yours. burn away everything. burn him from my skin until only you remain."

you finally caught his lips, his wedding ring discarded somewhere as you began kissing passionately. the next morning you started picking out rings together.

[destiel-news-channel]

Hey I just wanted to thank you as a queer Jewish woman for calling out that dick calling you a Zionist just for believing Jews deserve to be safe and to have self-determination while also acknowledging how Zionism is board spectrum of beliefs in regard to that self determination of the Jewish people and what it could entail and not a catch all term term for 'bloodthirsty colonizer' despite how non Jewish people are using it and the Nazi propaganda that comes along with it. Yes there are branches within the movement that do have anti-arab rhetoric but as a whole it's all about the right to return to their homeland and self determination.

You should definitely want better for those who live in the Gaza strip and I do hope one day Palestine will have statehood and self determination of their own but that isn't gonna happen until both sides work out their history and hateful rhetoric and of course jihadist like Hamas no longer in power and people such as Netanyahu out of office.

(Sorry to break to most of you but neither Israel or Palestine are going anywhere and those who are chanting 'death to Israel' are fucking hypocrites considering half of the world's Jewish population live there. You can't be against genocide but then turn around and say you support genocide of a group you don't like. Also Biden has been trying to keep Bibi (Netanyahu) under control on the tactics used to fight Hamas and has been pushing for a ceasefire for a year because what happened on Oct 7th was nothing but evil but at this point I think most of us just want the hostages home. Trump will let Bibi do whatever he wants now that he's back in the white house and won't hold back. Most of the general Israel population want peace and believe in the two state ideas as do a lot of Jews outside of Israel. The government sucks but the people are no different than you and me)

Most of this site seems to have fallen into antisemitism and won't listen to Jewish voices so it's a breath of fresh air to see someone be an ally and call this shit out. Thank you.

(ps you don't need to reply to this I just wanted to send this)

Hello, I am doing my best to share Jewish voices and raise awareness about and combat the rampant antisemitism on this site. I am glad to know that I am helping at least a little bit!

[slightlyunconventional]

hi! i received an ask about making a snz prompts list, and it seemed like a cool idea so im gonna do it !!

slightlyunconventional’s prompt list debut 🪻

(these won’t have any particular theme or anything, just some nice prompts/scenarios that i myself enjoy writing so you might too :3 feel free to use these and i would love to see if anyone writes anything)

☀️ a character waking up to the sun streaming in through their window and having a photic reaction

❓ a character finding out for the first time that they’re allergic to something (their first time encountering a certain animal/flower etc)

🥂 character(s) going to a formal event and everywhere they turn there are people with expensive and strong perfumes on - one or both of the characters being sensitive to it

🔊 a character with typically soft/subdued sneezes catching a cold that turns their sneezes massively more harsh and uncontrollable

🧴 strongly scented beauty/bath products causing a character to sneeze - do they realise right away what’s triggering it, or does it take a while (or perhaps a tip from someone else)?

🫧 a character running a bath for their sick partner, then sitting beside the tub keeping them company whilst they soak - a cold bath for a high fever, or a hot bath for the chills

🌙 a character waking in the middle of the night to find the other side of the bed empty, then finding their partner having a sneezing fit in a different room having left to avoid waking the other one up

❤️‍🩹 a character encouraging their sick partner to stop stifling all their sneezes (maybe it makes them sneeze even more, maybe it worsens the pressure in their sinuses, maybe it amplifies the headache they already have)

☕️ the steam from a mug of hot tea teasing sneezes from a sick character

🔥 a character realising their partner has a fever by feeling the heat of their skin by accident - holding their face to kiss them, feeling their skin when they cuddle in bed, etc

🕰️ a character having to hold back/stifle all day (their job? anxiety/insecurity of sneezing around people? not wanting to spread their cold if they have one? your choice!) and finally getting to let loose once they’re home, sneezes tearing through them unrestrained

💫 a character with the kink inducing their partner, instructing them to hold back for as long as possible (my favourite scenario to read/write. can you tell)

💐 a character with awful hayfever going to a florist’s shop to buy flowers for their partner

🏖️ a character coming down with a cold in the middle of summer - they can’t appreciate the warm weather because they’re wracked with chills

⛓️‍💥 a character with a cold turning down all help/care they are offered, under the pretence that they’re fine on their own, until the end of the day when they end up collapsing (metaphorically or physically)

🩹 a character sneezing for whatever reason whilst they are injured (so much potential here - a broken/bloody nose that they can’t even touch to quell the itch, broken ribs that clench with a spike of pain at each outburst, an injured arm that hurts to cover or stifle with… endless possibilities)

🦋 a nonhuman/semi-human character not being used to sneezing finds they’ve come down with a cold, or developed an allergy

🍷 alcohol making a character sneeze, but they keep drinking, and as they get tipsier, their sneezes become more indulgent and unrestrained

💤 a character about to fall asleep, or who had just woken up, and their drowsiness finds its way into their sneezes

🕯️a character in the candle/perfume/etc section of a store, sniffing each one whilst their partner (who insisted on coming along) sneezes helplessly beside them, assuring them it isn’t the candles/perfume/etc when it most certainly is

i’ve never done a post like this before, so i hope these were okay! if anyone uses any of these i would love to read what you write, too! i also added a different emoji for each one incase anyone wanted to use it as an ask game

[bloodyinkandquill]

Illumina and child figure Reader

they never specified so i’m assuming they want child reader sorry if i assumed wrong let me know if i did and ill do a new one!

to keep my theme i don’t put anything before the characters name so this is more accurately father figure illumina but oh well

sorry for my semi hiatus i haven’t had much motivation but im writing to get my mind off of the election and ive got brownies cooling on the counter, we also have a new puppy dm me for pics because she is the cutest thing oh my gods

- Sneaking into Illumina’s temple to steal food from his offerings takes some guts, or you were incredibly stupid, it could be either honestly, seeing as you were a kid probably both honestly

- When Illumina sensed someone not only stealing from his temple but one of his offerings he showed up immediately, pissed if not a little impressed someone had the nerve, then he saw you, a small, very thin, shaking little kid holding a single loaf of bread, normally he’d smite you without a second chance but something stopped him, maybe it was that your horn looked very slightly like his, maybe jealousy of some of his siblings, or maybe he was just tired, but he stopped and didn’t smite you

- He asked what you were doing, stealing from his temple, you said you were starving, you needed something to eat, and the only place nearby was his temple, you were so sorry, he made an odd sound before sighing and saying he’d get you some proper food, something that wasn’t an offering to him, realizing it was an offering you panicked and he said it was whatever, bringing you to his worshippers to make you food

- They were all a bit confused but they did so obediently and you had the best soup you’ve ever had, as you ate he asked you questions about yourself, your name, age, etc, finally he eventually said you could stay in his temple, he’d have his worshippers make sure you were bathed and fed, you were extremely thankful if not a bit confused

- His demeanor remained cold and stern but he did seem a bit more soft towards you, after he left you were given your own room and taken care of, when you saw him next you immediately ran up and gave him a hug, barely even making it up to his waist, seeing you in his follower’s robes, and the way they were too large for you, sparked something unfamiliar in him, a parental instinct

- He was unfamiliar with the feeling, but he’d heard some of his siblings describe it before, and he realized he wanted to protect you, not just have you be cared for by his worshippers, but he wanted to take care do you, so suddenly you were in his home, sort of, you think it’s his home but it looked… weird*

- Illumina isn’t the most expressive or talkative guy but you knew he does care about you, making sure you’re always properly fed and clean, if you ask for something he doesn’t respond but a few hours later you find that thing in or near your room, you always give him a hug when you do, slowly as time went on he’d touch you back during the hugs, a pat on the head, ruffling your hair, and after awhile he’d bend down to your level so he could hug you back properly

- He has some weird bird brain instincts on occasion which is why sometimes you end up sleeping in a big pile of blankets and pillows curled up next to him, he makes cooing sounds contently and you fall asleep not a worry on your mind, safe and warm, though him trying to feed you is something you do not like, at least it isn’t proper baby bird style just spoon feeding instead

- His siblings don’t know about you, okay that’s not entirely true, Ghostwalker has seen you before but doesn’t know the full extent of his brothers care towards you, but besides for him the others have no idea he adopted a mortal, let alone who he met because they stole from him

- Sometimes he disappears for days at a time, if he knows that that’s going to happen he leaves you in the care of his followers, when they first took care of you it was begrudgingly but now that you’re basically his child they treat you with a lot more care and gentleness, you also were given special robes by him so that when they do have to take care of you they know who you are immediately, that is if they don’t see your eyes immediately

- If Illumina blesses or gifts one of his worshippers their eyes go fully white like his, in your case they went a light purple instead, but same principle applies, your pupils disappeared and anyone who looks at your face can tell at the very least you have his blessings, if not that you’re more special then a normal follower who’s received his gift

- Soup is still your favorite food, it reminds you of the day you met him, even if he never admits it knowing that soup is your favorite food and when he sees you eat it it makes something warm spring up in his chest

- He’s not much of a talker, but he enjoys listening to you ramble on about anything and everything, even if not that coherent it’s pure and childish, maybe what you did that day, the story behind a drawing you made, the story you’re currently acting out with your toys, which speaking of are sick, he had almost never interacted which children before you so he basically got you everything, going form a homeless street child to owning basically every toy in existence was a pretty sweet thing

- After a few months he teaches you how to preen him, you’re not amazing at it but you have plenty of time to learn, and your small hands make it so you can be a lot more careful, after you preen him though he immediately starts brushing your hair and straightening your clothes, it’s his way of preening you back, since you don’t have wings (yet) of your own so taking care of your hair and cleaning you up slightly is the closest he can get

- On very rare occasion he returns home with injuries, usually from fights gone too far with Darkheart, or maybe once or twice Venomshank, either way you watch from his doorway as he bandages himself up hissing in pain as he cleans and dresses his wounds, after he finishes you come in with a stuffed animal handing it to him and gently crawl into his lap, it relaxes him and you fall asleep in his nest with him that night, every stuffed animal you give him during those times ends up in his nest, he treasures them, in his own way, when he’s a very stoic guy it’s not obvious but you’ve learned to read him, he also lets himself show more emotion around you, since you are just a child who can’t understand him that well normally

- When you first saw him appear that day in his temple, you thought for sure your life was over, but instead you gained a father, and even if you never said it, you were eternally grateful for all of it, falling asleep curled up next to a deity who was almost twice your height was never your plan, but you were happy it happened

i am stressing over this election but i’m tired now, imma go to bed, ALSO

i made a friend in this community and they offered to help with this blog, idk if it will happen but on occasion they may do a request for me ill say if they do it’s not a guarantee but just letting you all know there’s a chance i might get some help on these here and there

* according to soda illumina kind of has a house ‘it’s weird’ what that means is unclear

[0omillo0]

a/n: angst/comfort hi!! the 17th is going to be my birthday and I’m very very scared ahah, this fic is about my worries and rlly represents me. I just need an hannie by my side ♡

You sat across from Han at a small café in Seoul, nursing the hot tea he’d ordered for you. The date had started out fine. He’d texted you that morning, asking if you wanted to go out that evening, and for a moment, you’d forgotten everything weighing on your heart. You’d carefully picked out an outfit, put on makeup, and tried to prepare yourself for a fun night.

But as the evening wore on, the doubts and insecurities you thought you’d left at home crept back in. You glanced at him, watching the way he laughed easily with the barista, the way strangers around you seemed to brighten up at his mere presence. He was so magnetic, so effortless, and all you could think was that he deserved someone who could reflect his light instead of feeling like a shadow at his side.

The thought sank in, pressing down on you with a weight you couldn’t shake.

You stirred your tea absentmindedly, trying to keep your mind from spiraling, but you couldn’t help it. Every time he reached out to brush a piece of hair from your face, every time he looked at you with those warm eyes, your chest tightened with the dread of losing him. You knew it was irrational, but the thought haunted you: One day, he might wake up and realize he deserves more.

You tried to hide the way your shoulders were sagging, the way your smiles felt strained. But Han noticed everything.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked softly, his tone gentle but laced with concern. You looked up at him, startled to find him watching you so closely.

“Yeah… I’m just tired,” you murmured, giving him a small, unconvincing smile.

He didn’t seem to buy it, but he didn’t push. He simply nodded, shifting the conversation to lighter things, his voice lilting with stories of his latest music projects. But you could feel his gaze flickering back to you, his eyes searching for signs of what was really wrong. You felt the guilt settle in, hating yourself for ruining what was supposed to be a carefree night together.

After dinner, he suggested a walk by the river. You agreed, hoping the cool air might help clear your head. The city lights glimmered off the water, and Seoul was alive with the sound of people enjoying the night. You felt your heart aching as you listened to the laughter around you, realizing how few friends you had to share your life with, how alone you felt despite having Han by your side.

As you both reached a quiet spot by the river, he led you to a nearby bench. You sat beside him, staring out over the water, willing yourself to feel okay. But the silence weighed down on you, and soon you felt the tears welling up.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said softly, reaching for your hand. “Please tell me what’s going on. I can tell something’s bothering you.”

You tried to hold back, but your emotions were too raw, too heavy. “I just…” you choked out, and before you could stop them, tears started spilling down your cheeks. “I’m scared, Jisung.”

His eyes widened in concern as he shifted closer, his arms coming around you instinctively. “Scared? Of what?”

Your breath hitched, and the words felt tangled in your throat. “Of losing you. I’m scared… that one day, you’ll realize I’m not enough. I don’t have a lot of friends, I don’t have people like you do. You could have anyone, someone who wouldn’t be so… needy.”

Your voice broke, and you buried your face in his shoulder, unable to stop yourself. You felt small, embarrassed, like you were admitting to something weak and ugly. But Han held you tighter, his hand gently rubbing your back as he let you cry. His warmth felt safe, grounding.

“Y/N,” he whispered softly, his voice thick with emotion. “Look at me.” He pulled back just enough to tilt your chin up, his eyes searching yours. “I know you don’t have a lot of people around you, but that doesn’t mean you’re alone. You have me. And I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

You shook your head, trying to look away, but he held your gaze steady. “I mean it,” he continued. “I didn’t fall for you because you’re perfect or popular or any of that. I fell for you because of who you are, because you’re kind, and thoughtful, and you make me laugh more than anyone else ever has.” His thumb brushed away the tears still slipping down your cheeks. “So please, don’t ever think you’re not enough. To me, you’re everything.”

A fresh wave of emotion washed over you as his words sank in, and you leaned into him, letting yourself be held. He murmured soothing words, his hand running through your hair as he promised he’d be there for you, no matter what. And for the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to believe him, to feel that maybe you really weren’t alone.

The morning of your birthday came with another surprise. You woke up to a soft knock on your door and found Han standing there with a huge bouquet of flowers, his face lighting up with that boyish smile you loved so much.

“Happy birthday, beautiful!” he cheered, pulling you into a warm hug. His energy was so infectious that you felt yourself smiling despite everything.

The day unfolded in a blur of joy and laughter. He took you to all your favorite spots, surprising you with small gifts and even insisting you try all your favorite street foods. His enthusiasm and attention never wavered, making you feel cherished in a way you hadn’t allowed yourself to feel in a long time.

As the afternoon faded into evening, he led you to a cozy picnic he’d set up by the Han River, a blanket spread out with snacks and drinks carefully chosen just for you. The sunset cast a soft, golden glow over everything, and as you sat beside him, you couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming gratitude for this day, for him.

Just when you thought the day couldn’t be more perfect, he surprised you yet again by walking you back to your home and opening the door to a chorus of voices shouting, “Surprise!” You froze, stunned as you took in the scene before you. Your family, your brother Hyunjin, and even some of Han’s friends had gathered, decorating your house with balloons, streamers, and a homemade banner with “Happy Birthday, Y/N!” written across it.

Hyunjin ran over to hug you, laughing as he held up a party hat for you to wear. Your mom waved from the kitchen, smiling as she finished setting out a cake, and Han grinned beside you, his arm around your shoulders as he took in your reaction.

Your chest tightened, not with sadness this time, but with a pure, overwhelming happiness that felt almost too big to hold.

Han leaned down, his voice soft and close to your ear. “I know you sometimes feel alone, but tonight, I wanted you to know how many people care about you. You’re loved, Y/N. More than you realize.”

Tears prickled in your eyes again, but this time, they were happy tears. You squeezed his hand, letting yourself soak in the warmth and love surrounding you.

The rest of the night was filled with laughter, cake, and music as you celebrated with everyone there, feeling more connected than you had in ages. Toward the end of the night, as you watched your friends and family chatting and laughing, you felt a hand slip around your waist. Han looked at you, his gaze tender.

“Happy birthday,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss you softly. “And thank you… for letting me be a part of your life.”

You hugged him close, realizing that, for the first time in a long time, you weren’t afraid. You were safe, and with Han by your side, you knew you’d never be alone again.

taglist : @hannamoon143 @intartaruginha

[smittenmeraki]

Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭

[sokuly419]

I don’t typically make posts like this myself, but maybe some others would like to hear it. This is something of a stream of thought so sorry if it seems choppy and whatever.

I’m not going to sugar coat it. This election was absolutely awful. I know we’re all fucking terrified. We’re all grieving. Famous show hosts to politicians on both sides of the aisle are in tears with us.

I bawled before they called it. I cried once Trump broke 100 electoral votes well before Harris. I knew it was over by time I went to bed. My best friend tried to talk me out of it, telling me it wasn’t over until it was. I absolutely bawled when I saw 210. My wife held me while I just sobbed in a way I haven’t in a very long time.

I am terrified. And heartbroken. And pissed.

Now… we have to live. Trust me, I’m having those thoughts too. Many of us are. But the biggest middle finger you can give to them is to stay alive. They want us dead. We know that. Don’t make it easy for them. Don’t make any of this easy for them.

Take your time to cry, scream, lose control for a moment. But don’t kill yourself. You will have a place in fighting back that no one else can take. You don’t have to be on the frontlines. Just simply staying alive is fighting back and if that’s all you can give, we’ll take it.

Listen to your favorite song one more time. And maybe again after that. And again. Rewatch your favorite show or movie. Do it a few times so you don’t forget your favorite scenes or lines. Read your favorite book or fanfic. Escape for a bit. Make your favorite comfort food.

Are you looking forward to a new show? A new season of a show you like? A new movie maybe? Is one of your favorite musicians releasing new music soon? Do you have pets? They won’t understand and they’ll miss you.

I don’t care what you have to do to keep seeing the next day, just do it. I know it’s hard. I really, really do. I’ve been there. I’ve tried more than once. I still have those thoughts. And those thoughts got bad again with the outcome of the election. We’ve already lost so many people because of it, there’s no denying it.

I hope this can reach at least one person who needs it. If this can save even one person from taking their life, I’ll take it.

Right now, I’m looking forward to season 2 of Arcane. I rewatched season 1. A She-Ra rewatch is in my sights too. I’ve been listening to new (to me) music. If you have Spotify, the daylist is a good way to get new music through the day. I have pets and they wouldn’t understand. I can’t do that to them. And it would devastate my wife. And my family. I have yet to reread a couple of my favorite fics.

Take it from someone who lost a best friend to suicide. The grief… it’s not something that can be explained. You will be missed. Your best friend will scream and cry and cuss out every deity there is. They will feel like they failed you in every way. I don’t wish that kind of grief on anyone. If I didn’t have the list of things I’m pushing through for, the experience I went through definitely would make me think long and hard about it.

Now is the time we organize and fight back. And we can’t do it without you. You’re fighting back by living, so live. And keep living. Stay as safe as you possibly can. I love you, stranger reading this. I see you. Let’s hold hands or hug or whatever and just breathe together for a minute. We’re alive. And we have to stay that way for as long as possible.

Don’t forget: the first Pride was a riot.

We got this. We’re going to do it terrified. But we’re gonna do it. We have to. We owe it to those before us.

[secondarysefikura]

WRO ends up raiding a lab with the scientists who worked there having strong ties to Hojo, and as the place is getting cleared out they find a baby. A baby who resembles Sephiroth, but also Cloud. Having rescuing said baby a dna test is preformed and yep both Cloud and Sephiroth are the parents. The scientist wanted to clone Sephiroth differently from how Hojo did, by using some samples of Sephiroth’s dna that they had. However there wasn’t enough to create a clone of him, so they decided to also add someone else dna that being Cloud’s(since he did kill Sephiroth in the first place) which they had from when he was experimented on for 5 years, and that’s how the baby was born. Needless to say that upon finding this out Cloud is understandable shocked by this, he has a baby with the very same man who killed his mom, burned his village to the ground, nearly killed Tifa, killed Aerith, and nearly destroyed the planet. After sometime to process this Cloud makes the decision to raise the kid, and ensure they don’t become another Sephiroth years down the line. Of course Cloud’s friends are more then willingly to help him with this endeavor, and things seem to be going well. That is until Sephiroth returns again, and despite everyone’s best efforts he finds the baby and immediately knows it’s his and Cloud. And at first he’s confused, because not only has he not gotten a chance to alter Cloud’s body to allow him to carry, but he(unfortunately)hasn’t even gotten the chance to be intimate with his puppet to begin with. But then he’s very pleased because this is his and his puppet’s child, the first of many they will have once he finally destroys this worthless planet. Cloud wants to kill Sephiroth so badly but can’t because he’s either too close to or is holding the baby.

The moment Sephiroth gets his hands on the baby is the moment it's all over for Cloud.

It's made worse by the fact that Cloud has no idea if Sephiroth will hurt the child or not. Sure, Sephiroth could be unwilling to hurt the child in general, but he could also hurt the child to keep Cloud in line or even outright kill the child!

If Sephiroth is smart he's going to let Cloud believe the child is in danger unless Cloud does exactly as he's told. Giving Cloud time to think about the situation and possibly call his bluff (that Sephiroth is going to harm the baby) is the last thing Sephiroth wants, so he needs to keep Cloud panicking.

Sephiroth is probably dangling the baby over a cliff while Cloud is trembling in rage.

I'm sure eventually Cloud realizes that Sephiroth has no intention on letting any harm come to their child (and that Sephiroth seems to plan for them to have more....yikes...) but by then Sephiroth has probably already taken Cloud somewhere remote. Somewhere Cloud has no hope of escaping without leaving the baby behind.

(Which they both know he won't. Even if Sephiroth has no intention to harm the baby, Cloud could never leave the poor thing behind with Sephiroth. )