#to hide in order protect oneself and others

[fettery-fetterie]

saw these again, they're kinda neat i think

[lunarlianna]

Medusa Asteroid ( 149)

The Medusa myth is a compelling tale encompassing themes of power, fear and transformation. Medusa, born from the sea gods Phorcys and Ceto, was the only mortal among the Gorgon sisters. Originally, Medusa was a stunning maiden who captured the attention of Poseidon, leading to a grievous violation within the sacred confines of Athena's temple. In order to protect her, Athena transformed Medusa's hair into a mass of serpents, bestowing upon her a petrifying gaze. Medusa's astrological connection with the asteroid 149 suggests her influence recurs periodically, like seasons, lasting about 3.2 years. This implies cyclic challenges and growth tied to her themes.

Her family lineage underscores sibling rivalry and a sense of being different. After her transformation, Medusa retreats from the world, which can reflect where we tend to hide. Confronting these hidden truths requires courage and wisdom. Medusa's connection to Athena links her to Jupiterian qualities, offering insights when considering her placement with Jupiter in your chart. Some individuals with a strong Medusa presence may struggle with self-perception, seeing themselves as a metaphorical monster in the mirror. Others may possess an intimidating gaze that isolates them. Medusa's myth explores profound psychological and ethical themes, emphasizing self-awareness, ethical choices, and facing consequences. In astrology, Medusa indicates a swift and forceful defense mechanism to protect oneself, potentially causing tension, wounds, and unjust criticism in specific life areas, ultimately prompting personal growth.

Medusa in the 1st house: can give you a magnetic and intense presence that sometimes triggers negative reactions from strangers. Your hair and eyes, tends to draw attention, potentially making you a target for bullies or disrespectful comments in childhood. You may tend to stay hidden and to hide your body but you always end up being villainized. However, your transformative journey involves transcending these adversities. You rise above others' insecurities and boldly embrace your individuality. Empowering yourself by disregarding hurtful comments, you nurture self-appreciation and self-confidence despite societal pressures to conform.

Medusa in the 2nd house: can make you appear very self-assured and confident but you might find it difficult to see your own self-worth. Your voice may be quite attractive, and you might excel in business or singing. Financial success and possessions could come easily, but you may also face envy for your wealth. You may tend to hide the possession that you have and the inheritance that you received, especially from your husband. However, you can transform from this by maintaining your dignity, adapting to change, and valuing inner beauty over material possessions. Your makeup style may accentuate your allure, but be cautious of attracting unwanted attention in relationships.

Medusa in the 3rd house: may lead to tension with siblings and peers. In early years you may be quite shy and scared to express your opinion. In the neighborhood or with your siblings, things that go wrong might end up being attributed to you. Your social interactions may lead you to encounter individuals who are less than truthful, which can be frustrating. In some cases, people might misunderstand your intentions, labeling you as two-faced or even anti-social, especially if you're more introverted. However, your transformation comes by becoming more confident and setting boundaries, expressing your opinions assertively, and speaking up courageously when needed. Your ability to address uncomfortable truths may inspire others to do the same.

Medusa in the 4th house: can trigger negative reactions from family members. You might inherit certain challenging behaviors from an older relative and sense negative energy at home, possibly due to constant parental arguments. The them around you home can be quite unconventional, have an edgy look with marine and blue vibes to it. Your strong self-awareness and purposefulness can make it difficult for others to deceive or influence you. You've learned to establish your inner sanctuary, and you're protective of your emotions, possibly due to early criticism from a family member. This can lead to a desire for control and a slow transition when getting out of your comfort zone around others.

Medusa in the 5th house: with this placement people may envy or have hidden agendas, especially when you express your full self. You may tend to hide your art work and your creative endeavors, especially when younger. A lack of desire for children may bring you rumors, criticize and scandals. You're often villainized for outgrowing relationships and embracing change. There's a remarkable ability to protect your passions with unwavering determination, refusing to succumb to societal pressures or stifling expectations. In your life, you may attract partners with abusive tendencies and face misunderstandings due to your sincere kindness.

Medusa in the 6th house: people may envy your disciplined approach to daily life and work. In early years you might have encountered challenges with schoolmates and later, colleagues at work, a consistent inclination toward people-pleasing is noticeable. You've transformed from a people-pleaser to someone who values personal freedom and control. You're protective of your routines and may confront those who disrupt them, also you may like to adopt unusual pets and are very protective over them. You maintain a keen sense of discernment, especially regarding manipulative individuals, particularly men.

Medusa in the 7th house: your relationships may have faced challenges, and you could have experienced envy from others. People might see you as the peacemaker, but when you rebel, you face criticism. Controlling dynamics may have been part of your past relationships, and you may have experienced manipulation or guilt-tripping. People may envy your romantic connections, and sabotage could taint your relationships. You're villainized for not conforming to a one-dimensional image, for having your own vulnerabilities and complexities. To transform, reevaluate your role in relationships, recognize that you're not solely a caretaker, and insist on mutual partnership and empathy from others.

Medusa in the 8th house:  with this placement, you may encounter challenges in your intimate life due to being oversexualized. Loved ones might underestimate your pain, assuming you're always strong. Expressing yourself is often met with dismissal or minimization of your trauma. Your interactions can be intense and alluring, sometimes leading to obsessions, especially in intimate relationships. You tend to attract controlling individuals and even stalkers, people that usually want to know all your secrets. Some may envy your constant transformation, which can lead to competition or backbiting. Transformation comes for owning your sexuality and being in control of your finances. Remember, your personal growth is something to be proud of, despite others' negativity.

Medusa in the 9th house: your profound wisdom and exceptional intelligence often set you apart. While your deep knowledge and unique beliefs may not always find immediate acceptance, they are a testament to your unwavering commitment to your values. You naturally challenge cultural and religious norms; your spiritual journey is highly transformative and you usually hide your spiritual beliefs. It's important to recognize that your wisdom and spiritual insights have the potential to inspire and enlighten others, even when they struggle to fully comprehend your perspective.

Medusa in the 10th house: can create a unique journey in your work environment, where you might unknowingly trigger feelings of jealousy and face unkind energies from others. Your public image tends to be captivating, but this can occasionally result in clashes with government or legal matters. Challenges in your career and with authority figures are not uncommon with this placement, as there may have been expectations from your father for you to follow in his footsteps. As you age, you're likely to discover a growing sense of personal power and influence. It's important to recognize that these experiences have shaped you, and they offer opportunities for personal growth and transformation.

Medusa in the 11th house: you might keep your dreams and ambitions hidden because of the jealousy and envy you witnessed from your friends during your early years. Your upbringing might have exposed you to less-than-ideal community conditions, which may have led to toxic friendships and betrayals from people you considered friends. However, you do have genuine friends who share interests in astrology, spirituality, or religion with you, and these connections are meaningful. People might judge you or be envious, but this likely stems from their own insecurities. You're resilient and have the potential to make a positive impact on your community and the world in your own unique way.

Medusa in the 12th house: you might have experienced a pattern of encountering hidden adversaries in your life, which could be tied to karmic elements. This placement could also suggest a tendency to turn to intoxicants, like alcohol, which might symbolize a form of personal poison. Many with this placement may feel a strong bond with water elements, often expressing it through tattoos or jewelry featuring water symbols, seashells, or even snakes. Vivid snake dreams can serve as cautionary messages, urging vigilance against hidden adversaries. Your spiritual pursuits might be perceived as disruptive to community and family norms, causing some to view you as a threat due to your ability to see through deception when others can't.  Balancing vulnerability, self-protection, skepticism, and warmth highlights the need for compassion when confronting hidden traumas and fears in this placement.

[hyperions-light]

okay everyone today let’s talk about profound, overwhelming emotion as a theme in Veilguard

Sounds fun right

Gonna do like a sort of deconstructed essay thing (or I WAS, but this is an actual essay. Sigh)

Thesis: DATV is exploring how its characters confront and process emotions and events so overwhelming that they could define the characters entire lives if ignored or pushed aside; the player is encouraged to provide the characters with the appropriate emotional tools to dismantle the seemingly impossible obstacles that stand in their way, in order to complete their character arcs and contribute to the resolution of the central conflict.

WOagh this got way long, like REALLY long, so I am cutting here. I hope you didn't think the Grey Warden essay was verbose, bc this is much longer! You've been warned lol

PART I: ISATUNOLL

I feel like we have to talk about Harding first bc what’s more overwhelming than having the entire history of your race shoved on you at once? (I've decided to relocate to the computer, so you know I'm taking this seriously) So Harding gets magic rock powers, and then you have that sort of lull in her story where she's just trying to feel them out, but you can already see the game setting up the dilemma, because she's constantly checking against Rook to see what they think about it. She doesn't know how to feel-- should she be worried, excited? You can encourage her down different paths, but whatever you choose, you're providing a way for her to conceptualize this thing that (as far as she knows) has never really happened to anyone else.

And then when you go to meet the Oracle, the game introduces the idea of this overwhelming rage, this intense frustration that IS hers, but also isn't. She (probably) doesn't know what happened to the Titans by that point (you can do Regrets of the Dread Wolf pretty early but idk if it's able to be finished at that point?) but I think the stone giant you fight there is her inborn anger resonating with the much larger, dormant anger of the Titans. And you see her deny her own anger and her own feelings generally (the coffee scene with Lucanis, while tonally lighthearted, is intended to set this up). Again, Rook can intervene, and this time you also see your companions providing their own advice (Lucanis and Taash both tell her not to hide her anger/try to make people happy and Davrin repeatedly urges her to stand and face 'whatever it is' directly). So both Rook and their friends are supplying tools to deal with this upcoming confrontation.

So, the culmination of the arc comes in Isana Negat, where Harding faces the physically manifested anger of the Titans in the form of herself. She says it is her anger, and it IS, she is angry and they are angry, together; Isatunoll-- I am, we are. She did not know what to do with it, and that is why it is here; the game is positing that avoiding confrontation and acceptance of one's feelings can lead to harm for oneself AND for others. It IS Harding that is attacking you, because it was her raising the enemies in the cavern. But, at the same time, Harding is here out of a desire to protect others, and she is compassionate to this manifestation; she apologizes for not knowing how to confront it and letting it run wild in this way.

Fortunately, by this point Rook and company have already provided her with the tools to be successful in this encounter. She does not turn away from her anger, she does not attempt to run or dissemble as she might have done before. By the time Rook reaches the platform she has already absorbed the being; she is just having a hard time fully accepting it. Rook and the other companion physically grab hold of her, as Rook directs her down the path of acceptance through compassion, or acceptance through embracing anger. It is important that neither choice offers a denial. Through the strength of the unity of the team, here represented by physical closeness, and because Harding herself has changed as a character, she is able to integrate the Titans' anger and affirm that she and the other dwarves will continue to persist in spite of what was done to them. DAI players may recognize this as a well-placed echo of the conversation thread between Solas and Varric about the man who persisted in spite of losing everything; Varric said then that the fact that the man lived, that he continued, was a triumph in itself. The dwarves triumph as a race here, by not allowing the horrific violation committed against the Titans destroy them, and so does Harding.

The final piece of Harding's journey is her meeting with Stalgard and his sister outside of Isana Negat, in front of the mountain that was/is a Titan. She returns to them the knowledge that was lost for centuries, and the anger that comes with it, but affirms that they cannot return to what was; this brings change, GOOD change, to the dwarven people and will redefine them. By successfully accepting this outsized emotional trauma, Harding has helped her people, and becomes a more effective member of her team. Catharsis, acceptance, and emotional growth make her stronger.

PART II: I AM NOT THIS

When Rook meets Lucanis, he has been kept in a prison for a year, being tortured and violated by the Venatori, who have been attempting to turn him into a demon. It hasn't worked correctly, because Lucanis and Spite have an accord. However, you first see him just kind of running around killing whoever he comes across; Rook provide direction and a specific target, a chance for freedom. It is significant here that the prison is underwater; Lucanis is, metaphorically, drowning. The prison is also referred to as the Ossuary, which is a place you store the bones of the dead; the outside world believed he was dead, and, metaphorically, he did die here. You kill his torturer, but it is not enough; the woman who kidnapped him and the orchestrator of his violation still lives.

Rook returns to Treviso where Lucanis finds out that he has truly lost almost everything. His grandmother, Caterina, appears to be dead, and his city, Treviso, is occupied by the Antaam. The only thing he has left is Illario, and he immediately grabs onto the idea that Zara, who he believes killed Caterina, is going to kill Illario, too. He panics in response, but he is trained as a Crow to shut down his emotion, and practiced at doing so from his year spent constantly disassociating in the Ossuary. He says he needs to work; Illario and Teia protest, but he insists. He is returning to the thing he knows how to do, grabbing for a sense of normalcy when everything else is lost and he believes the little he has left is in danger. He will destroy the threat and this will also conveniently allow him to put off his real emotional trauma from the prior year.

Every cutscene Rook has with Lucanis between his major plot events in this section involves him trying to contain and ignore Spite. He tries to constantly stay awake to ensure that the demon cannot take over, and he tries to befriend and placate his new associates by buying them stuff (a VERY rich person thing to do) and taking care of them. He is trying to convince himself and them that he is NOT dangerous; he is not a demon, not an abomination. But he is not confronting his fear, he is only putting it off; often, in conversation with others he will be flippant about Spite, or he will deflect their concern about it. He chooses his 'bedroom' in part because it can contain Spite, and because it is the farthest possible location from the Eluvian, where Spite keeps trying to go (I just noticed that! Very fun!). In the meantime, he is also ignoring the fact that Illario is being extremely suspicious, because he doesn't want to know that his brother is the one who hurt him. Lucanis is an astute person by nature, and could certainly have observed this, had he not been deliberately trying to obscure it from himself.

Davrin is a huge problem for him because he is the most direct person in Veilguard. He shows up and tells Lucanis that if Spite overtakes him, he will kill him. This touches on Lucanis' fear of his own lack of control and drives too directly at what he wants to ignore. They are immediately at odds, which is made worse by Lucanis' 'failure' at Weisshaupt, which causes him to lash out at Davrin. He believes that the fact that he was unable to kill Ghilan'nain is indicative of him losing his abilities as an assassin, which is one of the only familiar things that he has left. Fortunately, Rook and company are there to reassure him; the situation is helped by the presence of Taash, Emmrich and Neve, who are unafraid of Spite, and whom he can rely on to control the demon if he cannot. However, the problem remains that he refuses to seriously deal with Spite in any way. As the inextricable representation of Lucanis' trauma (it would LITERALLY kill him to remove it), ignoring him means Lucanis is unable come to terms with what has happened.

This comes to a head when Illario kills Zara, and Lucanis is unable to stop Spite from almost murdering his brother with his own body in response. This is the final, most devastating loss of control. He apologizes to Rook for the lapse, and tries to refocus on Illario, who he now has definitive proof betrayed him. He says he is going to take everything away from him, but truly this is just another distraction; revenge is not going to be enough because it will just mean that he has nothing on which to focus his and Spite's combined ire, and then he will still have a demon inside him and no accord. What saves him is Rook, and finding out that Caterina is still alive. This is fantastic news because it means he hasn't lost everything, but it also presents a dilemma; is it more important to attack Illario, to seek revenge, even if it endangers Caterina's life? Does he risk what he values most-- his family-- to pursue his vengeance?

I was going to write an entirely separate post on the mind prison, my favorite part of Lucanis' arc, so I'll (try) to be brief here. The metaphorical Ossuary is a prison of Lucanis' fear; those he is scared he will hurt, or who will see him for what he believes he is: a demon. In order to get him out of it, Rook needs to cooperate with Spite, and confront each fear individually, breaking down their flawed presuppositions about Lucanis which are trapping him there. It is also significant that Lucanis himself is unable to articulate that he is trapped, and is even unable to ask for help; it is Spite who invites Rook in and concretizes Lucanis' emotional state. He can't get out alone. When Rook reaches Lucanis he admits that he has been avoiding his emotions but that, "It's just... so much. I don't know where to begin."

What happened to Lucanis was life-alteringly traumatic. It is unsurprising that he does not have the tools to effectively confront it. However, Rook encourages him here to begin the process by creating an agreement with Spite in the short-term. Process your trauma by breaking it down and taking it one step at a time. After this section in the game, the player can hear Lucanis converse with his friends about trying to work with Spite; about how the spirit is learning to understand the physical world, and they are no longer fighting. Again, we see that ignoring his emotions was hurting both Lucanis himself and other people, and that by moving forward, no matter how slowly, he can regain control of his life and build a new one alongside Spite, accepting the new circumstance.

When he confronts Illario for what he did and, incidentally, control over the Crows, he does not kill him. He never loses control and he and Spite work together to resist the blood magic that Illario attempts to use on them. Working through his problems with the support of his team allows Lucanis to preserve what he values-- his family, the Crows-- instead of pursuing an endless and ultimately pointless crusade of death in an attempt to avoid his problems. He makes the Crows stronger and heals himself through confronting and accepting his emotions.

PART III: I WILL GO AND SEEK ATONEMENT

Hey it's Solas! Remember how this game used to be called Dreadwolf? That was probably because he's the thematic anchor of the narrative. So, here we go. (This section is going to discuss the 'good ending' for Solas, because I don't think the others really feed into this theme much.)

Solas is the instigator of the conflict in Veilguard, and he may be an antagonistic force throughout the story, depending on how Rook chooses to deal with him. This game gives confirmation that Solas is a spirit, and so the generally established rules apply: he acts as you expect him to act, he is what you expect him to be, so the player is likely to have wildly variable experiences with him.

Throughout the game the player can encounter sections which depict his greatest regrets in his life so far; taking physical form, creating the weapon that severed the Titans' dreams, incidentally creating the Blight, accidentally sending Mythal to her death, and accidentally creating the Veil (dang, nothing goes right for this guy lol). This series of decisions led, in Solas' time, to monumental harm for countless people, and it is what has led him to his current course. He cannot stop because he is utterly trapped in his regret; these moments, though degraded, surrounded him within the Lighthouse while he planned for a decade. The Caretaker tells you that his regrets are so vicious that they are the teeth with which Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain are tearing into the Crossroads. Solas is destroying something beautiful he helped build because he is unable to let go of the past.

Although you, dear reader, may have your own opinion of him, Solas is undeniably compassionate. In DAI, he will give you massive amounts of approval for simply helping out villagers and performing menial tasks that serve no greater purpose than to alleviate suffering. The amount of suffering he (mostly) unintentionally caused could do nothing but horrify and pain him. His regret is oceanic. If you decide to persuade him to your side at the end of the game, one of the reasons he cites for continuing down his destructive path is because it would dishonor those he has wronged if he were to abandon his work. He is sunk cost fallacy-ing himself into mass murder, basically.

Part of the reason that he is doing this is because, like with Lucanis' issues, the emotion, the weight of the repeated failure is almost too big to effectively reckon with. But Rook can help him do it. Throughout the game Solas watches through his avatar in the Lighthouse; he sees Rook build their team, sees them solve the problems of the people around them and find strength in unity, and so when they appear in Minrathous he does actually believe that they can solve the problem that he cannot. He is deceiving Rook when he gives them the dagger, true, but this is his most valuable asset in the fight; if he did not believe in their success, it would be extremely foolish to give it to them and to commit himself to the comparatively lesser evil of Lusacan. So, Rook has effectively proven the Power of Friendship, as it were, through their actions in Veilguard.

To achieve the 'good end' for Solas, you need to have finished Regrets of the Dreadwolf and successfully confronted the fragment of Mythal that lives in the Crossroads. She will be impressed by your work in proportion to the amount of things in the game you've finished, so you must have bonded with your companions and you must have freed the Crossroads from the ravages of Solas' regrets. He helped make the mess, but other people can help him fix it, which is essentially the point that Mythal makes to him at the end; that he's not literally solely responsible for actually every bad thing that's ever happened.

You also have to tell the Inquisitor to attempt to reach him, which will lead to them saying something about forgiving his past actions if he stops trying to destroy the Veil presently (I assume the dialogue is similar in the friendship route; I have a Solas-romancing Inquisitor and that's basically what she said. I felt that part was general enough it probably carried over). All of these people and various pieces of Solas' past and present are here to break down the gigantic wall of regret that's preventing him from doing the right thing in this moment. All of his arguments for why he must keep going are refuted by these people he cared for, and to whom his regrets are attached.

Through Rook's actions they have demonstrated their ability to solve seemingly overwhelming problems. You can help Harding tame the anger of the Titans, you can help Lucanis confront his trauma, and you can help Solas finally see past his regret and be the hero he has always wanted to be. This is obviously not the only route the player can take through the game, but if they do, they help create a narrative that repeatedly deals with deconstructing and resolving overwhelming emotion. (Dear readers, remind me to make a post about Bioware games and participatory storytelling.) The story examines how intense emotion, ignored or denied, hurts oneself and others, and presents several solutions which all begin with asking for help. There is strength in unity, in compassion and togetherness, and if you cannot see the way forward alone, you will find it with other people.

WhEw okay if you actually finished reading that give yourself a high five and take a lollipop from the basket on your way out the door

on any other platform I think I would have hit a word limit of some kind, so thanks tumblr

edits incoming? very tired rn. Think I had some other point to make about Solas that I forgot maybe. I also think I could've added some of the other companions to this (Taash and Bellara were top candidates) but imo these two are the strongest for this particular theme. And it was already so long lol

okay I sleep soon. you can lmk what you think if you want? don't be a dick tho, I hope that goes without saying lmao

[sonicasura]

Biological Complications of Being A Kaiju

Here we are with my personal thoughts on the possible biological changes done to Kaiju No. 8's Kafka Hibino. I will be talking about different biology such as reproductive amongst others things. Fair warning that shit will get weird. (Nothing is sacred with kaiju.) Now let's get started.

Kafka's kaiju form has traits seen from various different animals mainly reptiles and sharks. His hide acts closer to that of the Nurse Shark with some traits of marine iguanas alongside poisonous frogs. Thanks to this, he can secrete substances like poison or liquid waste from his entire body. (Kafka doesn't fully know this because otherwise the man would never use his nips like THAT again.)

Similar to Marine Iguanas, his kaiju side is an very adept swimmer. Kafka's average speed can be clocked around 80mph in water but he could go even faster by manifesting a tail and webbing his hands/feet. The awkward shape of his neck conceals special gils that filters out water or harmful gases.

Kafka is cold blooded to a degree. He prefers seeking out warmth by sunbathing but it'll take constant extreme cold to make him hibernate. Attempts to force him into such a state will result in his kaiju side growing thick fur similar to polar bears as a defense mechanism. This coat being shed off over the course of Spring and regrown during the fall.

Kafka's body will adapt under extremely stressful situations. These particular changes can be difficult to near impossible for him to will away as they were done by Tiny(Mosquito Kaiju). Pecking order involving alterations to their kaiju form: Tiny, Kafka, Ai.

Fangs are very similar to that of any shark. Should Kafka lose any then new ones normally grow in after two minutes. His jaw strengthens matches that of an alligator mixed with a snapping turtle. Unless Kafka lets go then breaking his teeth is the only way to free oneself. Although the fangs will be embedded in his victim as a way to cripple them.

Kafka has a tendency to shed his scales from time to time. A normal process as its a way for his body to naturally dispose of the dead ones. Losing large patches occurs from either sickness or bi-annual molting.

Similar to a lizard, Kafka can climb and hang on different surfaces. His claws are perfect to retain his grip should the climbing target be slippery or someone tries to pull him off. If push comes to shove, one adaptation Kafka can use is camouflage similar to a chameleon.

*Reproductive Section is here. You can skip this as nothing new is past it.*

Reproductive organs are still present even in kaiju form. Similar to a lizard, Kafka's genitals are hidden behind a cloaca for protection. His kaiju form comes with both sets of reproductive organs i.e male and female.

The species are highly adaptive when it comes to keeping their population numbers stable. Kafka wasn't exactly happy to learn about this change. Especially since most kaiju are the egg laying type, his included.

Should conception occur then at least 3-5 eggs are laid after 3 weeks. During that time period, Kafka will eat twice his body weight and be quite aggressive around unfamiliar faces. A nest is also made from various bedding materials like pillows, blankets, to even mattresses.

Eggs will hatch in the span of 4-7 weeks. Newborn hatchlings are the size of kittens and have small fangs as they only feed on meat or fish at this age. They age at the same rate humans do thus reach full maturity in around 20 years. All of them will have a human form and obtain it at the 4-5 year mark.

Similar to a possum, Kafka will carry any whelp he has on his back. His instincts make it difficult for him to leave them alone for too long until they are at least 3 months old. It'll take some heavy persuasion from anyone close to Kafka to have someone babysit for him during that time period.

Experimenting with Kaiju biology is quite the acid trip, huh?

[geminiperson]

Spiderman Talk: Jameson is right, and Peter deserves better

So I was listening to a text post on tiktok that I love about how Jameson is in fact a great person and really only has beef with Spiderman because of personal problems, and first off, that's blatantly wrong, which the post corrects, but it got me thinking about something interesting. I would love to see a Spiderman story called Spiderman for the Daily Bugle, in which Jameson has gone to therapy to address his well of trauma related to the death of his wife (for those who aren't aware, she is canonically killed by a masked assailant) so that he can finally get past his initial trauma response when he sees Spiderman in his mask (that absolutely looks like a balaclava worn by a robber) and makes a non-public spectacle offer to meet with Spiderman so he can actually talk with him to express his legitimate problems with him (this would technically be the first time they have done this, since the previous occurrence has been retconned to memory). When Peter shows up in costume, Jameson sits him down, and rather than yelling, being angry, and bashing on him, he approaches him as a journalist and asks him a series of questions that are designed to get serious responses out of him. Questions like "Why do you wear a full body suit that hides your full identity?" Which Peter obviously responds to with "To protect my loved ones from harm." Jameson acknowledges that this is a legitimate concern, but also points out that even showing part of his face would allow him to be more of a symbol just based on the reality that he is clearly a white man in America, and therefore should be using his privilege and notoriety to support larger causes (not so small reminder that JJ is a very liberal person who supports workers rights, is pro-mutant/enhanced, and was not only writing about the civil rights movements, but was actively a part of it, ala he definitely marched with Dr. King on Washington as a cub reporter) . These kinds of questions continue, where Jameson asks things, Peter responds honestly, and Jameson acknowledges his concerns, but also points out the real problems that Peter causes by using his current methods (again, I can't stress enough that Jameson has legitimate problems that should be understood). The key takeaways for Peter are:

Hiding his identity from his family and friends has legitimate detriment to his mental health and relationships, and he should tell the people he cares most about so that they can finally understand who he is wholly and support him.

Hiding his identity from the public should not separate him from accountability to his actions during his fights against supervillains, and he should create a means to help people who have been harmed by his own actions both intentional and unintentional.

It is not his job alone to respond to crime, or to shoulder the burden of being the "Hero of New York" and he should not need to sacrifice his own happiness and well being in order to uphold his belief. This includes a moment where Jameson points out that "With Great Power comes Great Responsibility, both to others as well as oneself."

Peter has talents outside of being Spiderman that he should absolutely be using for the betterment of others, which does not solely include his capabilities as a scientist or engineer. Jameson points out that a large part of the problems that cause crime have direct and indirect causes, and that Spiderman, as a private citizen who is empowered, has a greater capability than most to address not only the crimes that regular people can't engage with, but also the crimes that could be solved by doing proper leg work and investigation.

This culminates in the big reveal to Jameson that Peter is Spiderman. Peter breaks down over the interview, because this hits him in a spot that hurts him the most, his hero complex, and he begs Jameson not to hate him, to which Jameson, now realizing who he's been going after this whole time, acknowledges that while he was definitely mad at Peter, he could never hate him, because he knows, especially now that he sees who he really is, that Peter is an amazing man. Hugs and heartfelt words are exchanged.

Now by comparison to the original version that occurred, this would be the point where the story ends, BUT I SAY NAY! THERE IS SUCH A MISSED CHANCE THAT SHOULD BE TAKEN! Cut to a few months later, and Peter is thwipping through downtown, when he hears a loud commotion, and swings over to investigate. The Rhino is smashing his way into a bank vault while a few thugs with guns stand lookout. Peter pops in, quickly takes down the thugs, and then squares up to Rhino and shouts "Hey Rhino, Spiderman for the Bugle. I'm here to get your comment. What got you back into the game of robbing banks?" They go through what looks like the usual dance of Peter dodging and quipping to all of Aleksi's attacks, until Peter backs off and says "Hey Aleksi, do you know what the best part of having a full time job is?" Aleksi grunts his usual response and Peter gives him a thumbs up, where you can see a flashing button on the side of his index finger, which he presses as he says "Gadget money." and triggers the series of web mines he planted around Aleksi while he was dodging his attacks. As Peter swings away, he calls in to advise Damage Control about the damage to the building and SHIELD to pick up the Rhino and check on bystanders.

This would be the start of a story in which you get to see what a healthy, happy, and more fulfilled version of Spiderman looks like. No more of this malnourished permanently tardy half formed Peter, but one in which his family knows about his hero identity, he has a full time job as a journalist working the crime beat as Spiderman, and also writes additional articles as the science and technology editor for the Bugle, and has the full support of Jameson and the Bugle backing him as a hero. He still has to face the struggles of being Spiderman and Peter, including the challenges of being a parent, but now part of that balance comes from finding time to organize PTA meetings with MJ for Mayday. Aunt May knows that Peter is Spidey, and is incredibly proud of him, especially now that he's learning balance, something that she hoped for him. His relationship with characters like Daredevil and The Avengers is one that includes more professional courtesy and even sharing the burden of caring for New York, rather than just trying to uphold everything on his own. Peter does convince Jameson to keep his original costume, including the full face mask, but that is solely because of branding, and now he can actively use his persona as Spiderman in more than just a limited capacity, because "Shockingly" people would love to support their local hero, and spidey merch sells like crazy thanks to the Spiderman Store on the main floor of the Bugle. Peter has a secret headquarters that is based out of his co-op in Queens, which allows him to be an active parent for his kids while also living up to his role as a hero.

For those of you who feel like this sounds to "Mary Sue" I'd also like to point out that a) Peter still has logistical challenges that present legitimate dangers as a public hero in needing to protect his identity for the safety of others, and while that has been challenged by being a public hero, you can see how he responds to those dangers, and b) this gives us a chance to see Peter working at solving crimes and working within society rather than as an outside force, which makes him a better hero.

Lastly, consider the stories you could write with people like Matt Murdock, not just as Daredevil, but as the official legal rep of Spiderman. Matt gets to be put on retainer by a major corporation (Bugle Media is a pretty major leader in the news industry) and you can also have that paralleled with a Daredevil/Spiderman story in which you get to see what a hero who operated like old Spidey vs New Spidey looks like, and how those challenges differ. Also, B roll type stories with Deadpool coming after Peter for exposing a story about a major tech conglomerate, and Wade finds out Peters identity, which changes their dynamic entirely. Similar stories about how Spidey and Punisher clash, and Peter, after having gone through the challenges of being a legitimate hero finally responds to Punishers tired line of being tough on crime by pointing out that he's not actually solving crime, simply attacking one of the symptoms, and is then able to start writing stories about Frank that helps humanize him not as the deranged serial killer that most people see him as, but as a misguided mentally ill man trying to right the wrongs he perceives in the world.

What I'm trying to get at is this. Peter Parker is pretty constantly miserable, and in my opinion, a lot of the people that write him, create positive things in his life so that they can rip those things away later on down their story line to compel him to act, and I really don't think that's all that interesting personally. As a fan of Spiderman stories, there is not a lot of hope that Peter can be happy, because whenever he does get something positive, it's either retconned or ripped from his hands in a horrific and terrible way for what I would call unbelievably unnecessary character development that isn't actually developing his character. There's a somewhat popular fan comic of Spidey meeting The Joker, and after Peter talks with Joker for a while about half of the shit that has happened in his life, Joker basically has a crisis of belief in his own ideology of "One bad day is all it takes" because Peter has gone through so much and still chooses the righteous path. Letting Peter be happy for once in his life would probably generate revenue just on long term fans speculating when and how things are going to go downhill. Changing the makeup of his base character, especially this far into the game when he has existed as a hero for so long would create way better stories, because in all seriousness, giving Peter more happiness also means there is so much more to protect/lose, and losing part of that would absolutely still hit hard. I've only really scratched the surface of ideas that I, a lone writer, has about what could be done with a change like this.

There are so many ways in which you could use his character, and present him challenges that actually provide character development, instead of hate fucking the corpse of his stories with a bloody knife. Peter doesn't need a reason to act that involves taking that small amount of happiness in his life and ripping it away because his core belief is that he has a responsibility to act because he has the power to do so, and in my opinion, forcing him to go through unimaginable sorrow does not showcase that character trait at all. If you're taking something from your hero when their primary motivation is supposed to be their inherent belief that they as someone with power has the responsibility to act in the benefit of those without, then you're taking away their primary motivation and replacing it with a selfish motivation. It's not to say that Peter shouldn't lose things, but he should lose those things based on his own decisions, not just because the predisposed outcome of his life should be inherently negative.

This post ended up being way longer than I had initially intended, but I want to end with this. There are some truly great characters that I personally think could be better written given the opportunity. I don't even necessarily think the stories that we have of Spiderman are actually all that bad (Except for One More Day. Fuck that story specifically and the horse it rode in on, it's fucking terrible) and that history shouldn't be ignored. But I think if we as fans and creators come together, there are opportunities for us to change things for the better. There are chances for us to show what a good and happy ending can look like for Peter, and maybe, just maybe, he can keep that small bit of happiness that he's got going for him.

[kaedekolya]

just some analysing and theorising before lars' route drops — i'm thinking about how azure island routes reflect the awakening themes, while serving as foils to how awakening went down.

(spoilers for all awakening routes + lars white day, clarence godheim & eden)

in awakening: ayn's refusal, and perhaps inability, to relinquish his grasp on power; it is a lifeline he clings to, a desperate and necessary means to an end. the standstill and stalemate he and mc find themselves in, unable to do much but wait out the countdown to the day of action. his route ends on a cliffhanger, suspended at the crossroads; there is no resolution, no progress, no moving forward. in azure island: ayn and mc leave the relic of the past where it is meant to stay, as an enduring reminder of a bygone time, rather than bringing it into the present. they recognise that commemorating the past, and not trapping oneself within it, is what allows one to move forward with the flow of time. instead of a suffocating limitation, power is an empowering strength.

in awakening: alkaid acts on his own behind mc's back, for her sake. he deceives her, effectively disregarding and overriding whatever her wishes and values may be by not consulting her beforehand. his protective instincts are so overwhelming that it veers into an implicit distrust of her abilities; he must go to extreme lengths to keep her safe, else he risks her getting hurt if left to her own devices. he fears that she may not love all of him, may shun the darker parts of him, so he hides behind a mask crafted to be liked. in azure island: alkaid still yearns to protect mc, but he upholds her agency and autonomy above all else. he recognises that there are places he cannot follow her to, and actions he cannot take on her behalf; sometimes the best way to protect her is to let her venture off alone, trusting in her ability to defend herself, and wait in the wings for the moment he is needed. he learns to trust that she accepts and loves him as he is, in the same way that she shares the full truth with him, allowing them to fall in sync on the same open wavelength.

so i’m thinking about the name of lars’ route — a trip to central america — and how his awakening route was also a trip, in a way. through the waterways, in the simulation, and through space, outside of it. both are journeys he has no choice but to undertake alone; even though he is accompanied by the navigator, she is a mere facsimile that can only imitate companionship, never truly replicating it. the untraversable distance between lars and the kidnapped mc, as well as lars and the navigator, meant that he had to put himself through the wringer in a futile attempt to close the gap. it makes me think of lars’ white day route, too — how he had no choice but to wait alone, mired in worry and anxiety, while mc journeyed across time and space on her own. perhaps his azure island route will demonstrate the progression in their relationship by having them journey together, for a change; they may have different purposes and goals in life, but they can walk their paths together, working in tandem rather than only watching and waiting from afar. instead of seeking answers themselves, they will give each other certainty, a mutual support as they traverse what their shared future holds.

as for clarence — glacier memories — i wonder if his route will expand upon what unfolded in his white day route, namely the part where he learned about the archmage. there are so many parallels between his awakening route and his godheim one — deliberately hurting themselves in an attempt to seek the truth of their own nature, as well as willingly subjecting themselves to an indefinite solitude and a potential eternity of waiting in order to protect the worlds they hold dear. perhaps learning more about his godheim counterpart might spur an epiphany — that merely treating himself as a tool whose worth is defined by its function, a mere means to an envisioned end, will ultimately bring sorrow to the very people he sacrifices himself for. i’m also thinking about the falcon — though of course there aren’t any glaciers in eden, but memories (and the loss of them) are a reoccurring theme in both eden and awakening. in eden, the way clarence's memory slowly starts to fail him as he gradually loses his grasp on his humanity, faltering towards the monstrous lost side within him; in awakening, the way his memories give his android selves a semblance of humanity, and how they allow his cyborg self to retain what makes him human. memories allow clarence to have a concept of the self, to safeguard his goals and sustain his motivations. while he still embodies certain enduring traits, modern world clarence is significantly more well-adjusted than his counterparts — so perhaps seeing the loneliness and the suffering of his counterparts may nudge him away from treading the same path, and towards one of sharing the weight of his worries with mc rather than bearing the burden solely on his own shoulders.

cael… is cael, which makes him that much more difficult to theorise about, but "forget-me-not” makes me think of what unfolded in his awakening route — how someone’s story, someone’s love, can live on through the telling and retelling of folktales. yet, also, how holding on to a memory can warp one’s perception and one’s emotions. just like how darya wound up twisted by her painful memories of the past, trapped in the longing for a time she can never return to. “time can never turn back, my lover can never return, the river does not flow back to the source. only i still remember, these joys and sorrows.” perhaps, sometimes, remembering causes more suffering than forgetting. perhaps one must learn to bid farewell to the past, to come to terms with what has been lost, in order to truly live. just as the white city and all that it stood for will slowly be lost to the sands of time, so too will their world — but perhaps there is freedom in forgetting, and a poignance to rediscovering bygone memories further down the road. and perhaps, by allowing some memories to fade, the ones that are more precious, more deeply cherished, will have the space to linger longer.

[no-light-left-on]

thinking still about how the Heart calls the Whalers 'puppets' and the amount of mystery there is around them, when playing as Corvo and perceiving them through the Heart, in comparison to how they are in reality.

we see them talk to each other in a manner any people would. they consider insubordination, they talk badly of Daud behind his back, we have Billie betray him. there are some that are loyal, yes, be it because they believe in Daud or because they see gain in this path, but by no means are they a monolyth.

however, we do hear from the Heart about a 'fog that surrounds them and hides their secrets' and it is even confirmed, by Billie (and also Galia in the books) that leaving Daud made them 'think clearly for the first time in years'

I've seen a couple theories and I do want to dive into each, to an extent.

there's the suggestion of the Heart talking badly of them, calling them mindless drones that only kill out of hatred and hurt. which, valid. the Heart also says certain things about Daud, 'why did you bring me here? do you expect me to forgive him?', so it's not unlikely that their attitude towards human lives and their willingness to kill for Daud is repulsive enough that the Heart does not see past it

another option is that the mindless puppets is more of a metaphor and is meant to talk about how the Whalers are, in a sense, a cult. which would be incredibly interesting to explore if we had more information on how the Whalers function. now I do want to point out that by cult I do not mean it in a Secluded Religious Organization but as a sociological thing. a literal cult if you will, with a leader that charms their followers, the seclusion and all the unhealthy attitudes of losing oneself to the group. and, that does check out - the loss of individuality, they are as one, following someone's orders without hesitation, someone they would die for. there are a lot of unsavory implications here (if you know how cults work, you probably had some cross your mind already), but arguably Daud is not charming enough to be a proper cult leader. the appeal is the magic, and his excellent skills as an assassin and a leader. maybe it's because of the time we see the Whalers at, right before a collapse, but Daud is regularly doubted and we see a lot of insubordination. the Whalers are not necessarily loyal to him because of who he is as a person. they want the power, they want the influence, maybe the protection, and the things keeping them from disobeying are fear, rather than loyalty.

the third thought or theory is, then, that many of these symptoms can be explained by the influence of the Void. we know the Void affects people, both physically as we see with Delilah's Witches or the Eyeless, as it influences them mentally, if the high numbers of people going mad because of their worship are something to go by. if, then, the Whalers are bound to the Void through Daud, it only makes sense that they would be influenced by this link to something that messes with people's brains. Galia saying she feels better after her Arcane Bond faded could easily mean that the influence the Void had on her has faded, and the creeping madness of it has subsided significantly.

all of these most likely come into play. one of the Heart's lines in dh2, if we point at a Witch, is reciting some of the recipes the Witches chant before quickly apologising. we do learn significantly more about them than we do about the Whalers, of course, possibly because Jessamine has more ill will towards the Whalers than to the Witches. still we see the Void affect the Heart. there is also a notion that the Witches are 'not quite human' due to their Arcane bond.

there's no real conclusion. it's just interesting

[karizard-ao3]

My reactions to Evangelion, episode 16: Splitting of the Breast

Shinji is the real Angel on this show.

Is this the Longinus Sphere? Lol

Asuka! Petty!

Oh, Shinji. My baby. He is so cute and precious and sweet and I love to see him smile.

Plugs all around the city.

Shinji! No! He's never going to be brave and confident again after this.

Will he have to defeat it from the inside?

Will he learn terrible things?

Rei is worried about him and Unit 1

Rei does not like Asuka talking shit about her little Shinji. I think this is just Asuka's way of trying to hide that she is scared and possibly feels responsible for goading him into taking point.

There's my son.

It possibly connects to another universe. Huh.

Wow, Ritsuko.

You and me both, Misato. I also want to know all that stuff.

Shinji can't swim

There's rumors Gendo killed his wife.

I wonder if they keep the Evas battery powered so they can control them better

Okay, so Evas are copies of Angels, but not exact replicas.

"If Rei or Shinji ever found out the secret of the Evas, they would probably never forgive us". So before I was saying maybe the Evas have personalities implanted or whatever. Is it from their moms who were sisters or something?

In Conclusion

I'm still trying to fully wrap my head around what Shinji experienced inside the orb, but the talk about there being multiple versions of oneself feels very significant. I liked the part about Shinji being afraid of the version of himself that lives in others. I'm trying to piece together the ghost of his mom coming for him but I'm really thinking at this point that she is indeed the personality inside the Eva. I mean, look how easily they sync, how quickly it acted to protect him in the first episode even though it shouldn't have been able to, and the way it tore out of that sphere in time for Shinji to survive. Perhaps inside that Eva is his mother who loves him. Would she have had to die in order to transfer her personality over? Or is she being kept in stasis somewhere, since there's no body? Was her body infused with Angel DNA and formed into an Eva?

No time for a bunch of musing! My kid will be home in about 45 minutes. I have to get watching the next episode.

[phantalgia]

Exploring Multiplicity

I don’t keep track of my blogs. But if I remember correctly. The last blog I did was on this feeling of "alterhuman" that stemmed from a connection to my fursona. I can't remember what I said in it. But it's really been "itchy" in my mind lately.

As with anything in my core beliefs, we are fundamentally defined by our environment and learn from it and take from it. Our identies are thus shaped by others, and the world around us. From adolesence to well into adulthood. I don’t think there's a specific core to be found. Enter multiplicity.

I've been wondering about multiplicity/ plurality. It's controversial, even amid the community at large. Which is what concerns me when discussing my own journey in getting my feet wet into some of the ideas or inspirations from multiplicity.

For safety, I want to seperate the real trauma that exists for many that come out in DID, OSDD, if those labels are helpful to you. I want to mean no disrespect and completely seperate myself from that valid experience going further. That is not what is being discussed here. If anything, endogenic systems will for the most part be discussed. Sort of...

I know someone with a form of multiplicity. It's rather abstract and the details continue to keep flowing as it changes and molds. Much of what they tell me gets me so lost that I cant even understand what they're saying. But clearly they are at least understanding for now to the best of their ability what they experience and it's still ongoing. However, their system seems traumagenic but didn't make itself known until much later in life (I could be butchering it, as they don’t talk too much about the origins of it, just hints at childhood experience).

Thinking In Retrospect and Neurodivergency

So, there's this real possibility that my doctor seems to agree that I’m neurodivergent, ADHD, on the spectrum, whatever. Well, this at least helps with validation. At least in the confines of a culture that prides itself in putting people into boxes that people in white coats do. Of course, we can get into how limiting and dangerous that is at a collective level as many people do not respect phenomonology nor the idea that maybe scientific and medical inquiry is dynamic and influenced by cultural, material, and ideological forces.

The point I’m getting at is because I didn't have the language to pinpoint a person I was. I can only look back at myself and see just a robot. A set of scripts. I think the world was challenging. So I protected myself through avoidance and acting out online.

As you get older, the brain develops, events happen, your language broadens and things start to become clearer. Which has lead me to confront the things I've been avoiding and try to understand why. For the past few days, some things have been illuminated.

I think the tools to unlock this come from alternative identites, queerness, alterhuman, and so on. And just expanding oneself and not hiding oneself. Perhaps I shrunk back down again in order to protect myself from the new experiences of disconnection that has come from a wide open spiritul connection to all things that it becomes paralyzing.

A 'System' To Make Things Work

I needed a new way to understand myself and the world. Part of what I've been avoiding is my natural capacity for systemizing. This is in conflict with ADHD symptoms. But it does occur.

I recognized that at a deep level, my mind does change into certain "modes". I don’t believe this is anything new among people. But it's become more jarring. One personality for one context, another for a whole seperate one. There might be some similarities between them, but they have distinct thought patterns, emotions, feelings, and even how strongly I can have impulse control.

So I need something new to understand this. Neurodivergency comes with the challenge of being able to switch to certain modes of being as change can be a struggle to adapt to. So going from an art mode to a music mode to an academic mode becomes daunting. Coupling that with the systemizing. I think this is why shocks of external stimuli can become so paralyzing, it fucks with the predictable nature of the environment.

Agar.io Blobs

Think of agario or microorganisms floating around. Combing and decoupling. This is how I imagine myself now. This is the idea.

So, you have this bubble I call the "me at one time". As the name suggests it resembles who I am now at this moment. Surrounding it is all the other bubbles and shapes of varrying size and brightness symbolizing strength and relavence. What are these bubbles and shapes? Everything. Every internal, mental, external thing. Moods, hobbies, objects, thoughts, tastes, sounds, emotions, everything. These things can combine together to form new clusters that can help explain an experience. Say, certain music, emotions, physical state, memories combine together to form an idea, concept, feeling, or even that connection to my fursona. Or a disconnection to the world.

Another example is I like to think of the blob of me at one time is this. When confronted with perhaps vulnerable feelings from another person. I shut down. How this looks can be a contraction of my blob down to a specific set of overwhelming and contridicting feelings and uncertainty where the useless stuff gets expelled as I contract and my bubble forms a hardened shield preventing those emotions from returning.

This is a 2D map of these things, but I have thought of it also being multidimensional. To represent spiritual or essoteric aspects, like being in connection with my fursona. Wondering if this is where new blobs can come from. Or maybe each blob has the capacity for multidimensional travel in some capacity to explain the unexplained.

However, where do these blobs come from? Well I recognized that there is only one possible source. Thats the real world, outside the mind. But the "me" (not the "me at one time") is the huge bubble that every blob floats in. We don’t know how big the "me" is. Or if it also expands and contracts. This me is represnted of as the me that takes in it all. All the unconcious. The 2D map itself is just the observer part of me.

So the outside world exists. But there must be an inbetween. This must be where things get processed, turned into thoughts, where dreams come from. So the layers starting outside are: the external world, the processing area, and the internal, then the "me" at one time.

So where do personality shifts come in? I think once certain external and mental stimuli hits the processing zone, the new blobs are formed. But then they mingle with each other as they come closer to the "me at one time" bubble. These blobs shoot at me as fast as it takes the brain to process visual info, 13 miliseconds.

But that doesnt mean they'll become part of me. Again a lot of them are stuck floating around finding moments necessary to start combining with me. Or themselves. Once they combine with themselves, they gain the size of the "me at one time" bubble and overtake me. Perhaps everything consolidates and hardens until some release happens as things get expelled, decoupled, or replaced by new blobs.

This Way Of Looking At Myself

It's been helpful in creating an actual vizualization in explaining how things feel. It's broad enough to encompass everything. It's helpful enough to understand strengths of these shifts and to communicate when I feel something different. Or maybe I’m unaware of it and need to open my map and see "Ah yes this blob has overtaken me!"

This method, for its limitations, is the best at explaining my feels of rigidness, my esoteric feelings, my ability to avoid, why I struggle to socialize as there are many blobs at once to try and understand and become overstimulating.

The next question I’m wondering is this multiplicity per se?

There's no "alters" necessarily. There is a sense of unity among this. But there's a recognition in the fluid and dynamic changes in identity and feeling of oneself. It can help me relax to some extent and forgive myself for having such jarring experiences.

What changes is the "me" state. The bubbles can combine together to form something bigger than me and swallow me but they tend to shrink to my level. Unless it is I that becomes part of their blob, then there's a possibility that I become an unconcious alter. This happens when my DMN becomes hyperactive due to ADHD or OCD like symptoms. I will recognize this as a blob that had taken up significant space among the "me at one time". This still doesnt explain personality shifts too much as many prompts in the environment cause me to switch to something else. Perhaps my map can allow me more dynamism or at least communicate rigidness.

It's helpful in understanding why my interests can be hard to engage with or change to. Because of the effort to align the blobs in such a way that helps fit the mode best fit for it. And then the systemizing that takes place.

The Other Dimensions

I think about the other dimensions. As I believe these are the places where spiritual connections happen. The oneness with the universe, the connection to my fursona. If they are exceptions of the rule of coming out of the processing zone.

Maybe they are like black holes that grow in size, sucking in different aspects of the self forming this new deeper connection. It's hard to know for sure.

Thinking Of Multiplicity as Something Natural

From Socrates, to Carl Jung. There are constant hints of multiplicity throughout human history. Tulpamancy, shamanism, and so on. It makes me wonder if multiplicity isnt all black and white. I struggle to find any compelling reason to believe that this is soley a trauma based phenomonon.

I think it helps to really emphasize the seperateness of these phenomonon. Trauma based needs to be respected, adversity based needs their space, and spiritual based needs their space. Yes they can overlap. But they need their space.

Multiplicity probably does exist as a form of social construct (because a single uniform identity sure is!). It's an aspect of identity formation. I've seen the theory that queerness as identity formation can come from trauma. So trauma, adversity must come from it also. It's all about deep introspection.

I think for the neurodivergent, it helps to explain the unexplained. It recognizes the constellation of identity to such a degree that it can't be ignored. It becomes necessary to function. It's not the only way to function as neurodivergent. But is one way.

Neurotypicals probably have a smoother time at navigating certain personality shifts as they are more able to recognize the cohesion associated with their "oneness" perhaps unconiously. To people more sensitive to these changes. Multiplicity offers a way to navigate the world.

Conclusion

It's hard to navigate the world for me. It always has been. Its hard to ignore certain things as I’m hypersensitive. I struggle with shifting modes of being because they come with energy draining shifts in thought patterns, emotions, memories, feelings, and behaviors. Some of these have things in common, it's just they manifest differently.

What choice do I have then? Live a lie or use the tools at my disposal to navigate the world in a world that doesn't appreciate the differences amongst people.

[ccaptain]

History Fictionologists. Hierarchy & Becoming a ''being'':

I have mentioned in almost every single one of my posts that H:SR Kaeya has lived for what I estimate to be millennias after being turned into a ''being'' of the Enigmata, and had time to develope himself and make experiences mostly by himself. By now, he has enstabilished himself as a kind character, if not a bit weird, with strong morals oriented towards a justice that he perceives.

He defines himself as a Fictionologists, but this isn't the truth. As per usual with the Enigmata and anything involving it, nothing is that simple.

I have imagined that, in this Path, there is a non-spoken hierarchy made of two distinct roles:

- The History Fictionologists, composed mostly of human Emanators of the Enigmata who operate long-distance avatars made from many collected traits from multiple sources. They predominantly work on altering history on paper in their personal Archives. - The ''beings'' of the Enigmata, Emanators turned into non-humans selected by Mythos. Trained to burn away their past identity and turned into eternal creatures, they are essentially back-ups of the limited human Fictionologists and operate on shrouding history in lies with more active approaches. 

These two roles technically belong in the same category- but to a trained eye who knows Fictionologists from experience, ''beings'' will always be recognizable due to the uncanny vibes they emit and can be picked up by other humans.

''It'' is commonly referred to a ''being'' approaching this concept in the first stage, stripped bare of anything they have of value. Social manners. Emotions. Knowledge. Communication skills. A purpose. It's a creature that has returned to Level 0, having to re-learn everything from the bare bones in order to pass off as human. 

A loss of their previous identity is necessary to achieve the status of ''being'' for their safety: while human Fictionologists can create entirely new avatars without the truth about them being revealed and causing them harm, the identity of a ''being'' being shone truth on would vanish as a whole- ''beings'' do not use a long-distance avatar, instead becoming one themselves. And thus, they need their previous identities to whittle away to make them unfoggable- eternally present, a forever unresolved mistery and a threat to those who think the human mind is strong enough to face the truth. To discover the truth behind someone's avatar is to erase it- for ''beings'', the stakes are much higher, and thus this process may seem cruel, but necessary.

The stages of a ''being'' have three phases, named as such by fascinated human Fictionologists:

Level 0, also called the Morphing Phase. The individual enters a slow process of degradation of the self that strips away anything related to their previous personality and identity they had, and morphs them into a new, clean slate with only the basic knowledge attached to what remains of them. It can be a very slow process and varies from person to person.  Level 1, also called Screening Phase. The ''being'' stemmed from the Morphing Phase needs to either re-learn by themselves or be taught again how to properly pass off as a normal human, before it can begin any sort of mission; for everything that they learn, whatever was left of their previous identity, if there were any remnants left of it, is further discarded as they become an entirely different thing. This process has been observed to be significantly sped up by turning oneself into an avatar, as the ''being'' absorbs the knowledge along with whatever traits they select; the name of this phase derives from the word screen as a verb, aka to block, protect or hide someone or something with a screen- related to how gaining different traits as a new avatar effectively acts as if the ''being'' was putting a ''screen'' in front of their true identity. Level 2, commonly paired and also at odds with Level 3, doesn't have a proper name: this was often a point of friction among the Fictionologists, who wanted the last two agents, Riddle and Mirage, to be somehow paired together in a new name to more easilbe able to group. However, after observing the ''beings'' for so long, it has been concluded that their behavior cannot be grouped under a singular name. Some of the ''beings'' grow to naturally pick the Riddle aspect, choosing to spread falselihood through voice and difficult guessing games that often reach a different branch of lies instead of the truth, where others grow closer to the Mirage one- using more tangible methods, such as manuscripts, recounts of historical events on papers, and even visual alterations of historical trinkets. Beings who are able to manipulate both subpaths are considered ''extraordinary'' and held in high regards. At some point, they can even become mentors themselves.

Once a ''being'' has reached the end of the Morphing level, it's usually paired with either a single human Fictionologist, who has expressed interest in teaching to ''it'' until a satisfying level of knowledge is reached, and to document the experience- or with a group of Fictionologists who were extremely attuned in working as a team, in order to not give contrasting instructions to the ''being''.

The Screening Phase can last weeks, months or even years. Every ''being'' takes its time to learn, and every human Fictionologist has their methods to teach. If an human and a ''being'' clash, the ''being'' is immediately reassigned to another proper human teacher in order not to hinder the process too much.

When Level 2, aka the successful ''screening'' is complete through becoming an avatar, the ''being'' is sufficiently proficient in mimicking that it can essentially ''graduate'' and be sent in the outside world to undertake the task of directly shroud history- thus engaging in Level 2 or 3 based on what they feel more inclined to take.

That being said, usually an human Fictionologist and the ''being'' they taught to usually stay in good terms. There are reports of Fictionologists essentially becoming friends or becoming found family for the ''beings'', as they continue to be reported to. This is not frowned upon and has become the normality in how things work, in order for history to continue being shrouded both in writing and person.

[darkolai-playlist]

Ulla and Nikolai have the potential to be a comedy duo because they absolutely not trust each other and Ulla has enough traumas with princes, Nikolai has enough trauma with sea creatures, but they're Aleksander's most trusted people so...

The banter, the sarcasm, the conversations about the sea and what it means to them, the talk about ex lovers and lost opportunities, about being the little siblings, etc. They'd also keep Aleksander in check, 'cause if they agree at something, then it must be it, you know?

Aleksander is so happy with them. He dreamed of just that, having company, being with his sister, having a friend or lover to share his love for Ravka.

He knows Ulla get it, the heartbreak of betrayal, of being used as a tool, of only being valuable for your powers, of being discriminated and hated and isolated and hunted and— how it feels to not being quiet mortal, of seeing cruel tragedy slide with the years in an endless march. She knows of the darkness, of being ruined, scarred, afraid and powerless. They hold onto each other 'cause in the end, that's all they'll always have. Each other. The world will crumble around them, turn to dust, all their mortal friends will slowly die, all kingdoms will go back to the dirt, wars will be fought, peace will return and they will still live for another day or week or month or many years. They don't even look old yet. They could break the world, mend it and still live centuries. Their only consolation is that they won't have to be alone all that time.

And he knows Nikolai can't understand or known many things about him, but he knows a thing or two about being willing to sacrifice oneself for Ravka, for a chance to make a better world, to protect ones home. The pressure of leadership and who you have to be to maintain order, the fact you have to make those decisions, shoulder the blame once it comes, let go of the glory they will not attribute to you. You can't expect them to be grateful, you can't expect them to see you as a man, not a monster or a martyr, not a saint or a witch. Complete devotion, the type that destroys from the inside out, and yet— and yet they find kindness in each other, comprehension, they find someone to lean on, someone who can look at you and you think you worth more than what they made of you. Someone to love, despite it all.

Nikolai and Ulla would probably become closer than they thought, in the end. Maybe Nikolai can show Ulla that not all princes are traitorous men waiting to take advantage of powerful strange girls in love. Maybe Ulla can show Nikolai the wonders of the sea that he'd never got to see to himself, what hides beyond his piece of the world. Maybe together they could mend Aleksander's aching darkened heart, fight his shadows to allow him to see the light. Give him a place where he doesn't have to be a general or a tool, he can be just a man and live and feel like just a man.

[devout-of-the-elder-scrolls]

Boethiah Quick Start Guide

A guide for beginning with Boethiah, intended to help you begin your practice, but not to serve as the only information you use.

Keep in mind most of this post is UPG versus just based on the fictional canon, based on my personal experiences with this entity. It may directly contrast fictional canon and the experiences of others.

BOETHIAH

boe-ee-thee-ah aka. Boethra prns. she / he / xe ( xe / xem / xeir / xeirs / xemself ) domain. Attribution’s Share date. November 02nd

Boethiah is the Daedric Prince of Plots and Treachery, who teaches followers to be strong and to stand up well for themselves. She does much and gives much, being a very active God. She watches over followers on a daily basis, deeply enjoying being active among them regardless. 

She is strong and powerful, bold and brash. She speaks freely and wisely, but He can just the same crude and hasty. Xeir end goal ultimately is to make strong children, who can be like Her best traits.

Boethiah teaches to use baneful magic and use it well, and how to protect oneself from having it sent their way. Should a loyal follower be on the receiving end unjustly, Boethiah often is one of the first guides to hit back at whoever would dare to harm Xeir child. She can be a strict teacher, but He means well and works to strengthen and protect Xeir children. 

Boethiah, when destroying the cruel, adores slowly destroying them and picking them apart, giving them slow and agonizing downfalls, while being in complete control of the situation. He loves to make sure that they know this is the will of the Divine, making sure their life goes exactly according to Xeir plan.

Within Chimer and Dunmer tradition, She is seen as the God-King of the Chimer; who led the Chimer to begin worshiping the Daedra. She was labeled later as the Anticipation of Almalexia, but is now seen as one of the Reclamations after the fall of the Tribunal. He was originally and then returned to status as one of the Three Good Daedra.

Within Khajiiti tradition, Boethra, Warrior of the East and West, teaches the old ways and is the patron of warriors and rebellious exiles. She was not necessarily prayed to, instead worshiped by enacting His ways and “walking the Path, and only hiding in order to pounce”. 

Boethiah is not a great Prince to start with, but She’s also not a hard Prince to work with. Her brash and harsh nature can be difficult for some people to deal with – And His mean streak can be very devastating to experience. Xeir goal is to make strong children, which often includes difficult paths.

🜚 terms of respect . . . Term – Prince • Goddess / God • Deity • any gendered terms, no non-gendered other than Prince Prefix – Lady / Lord • Powerful • Master / Mistress Titles – Prince of Plots • the Dark Warrior • Deceiver of Nations • Queen of Shadows • Goddess of Destruction • Hunger • Fount of Inspiration • He-Who-Destroys • She-Who-Erases • Xe-Who-Creates • The Dark Mistress

🜲 rulerships . . . overthrow of authority • deceit and truth • conspiracy • treachery against evil • sedition • death • battle and war • vengeance • protection • magic • plans and plots • the physical body • decision making • destruction and rebuilding • darkness • freedom • revolution • grand, drastic changes • domination of the cruel . . . HELPS WITH . . . creating peace through violence • healing from (c-)ptsd

🝰 commandments . . . This part especially is bound to be different from person to person.

Seek your vengeance.

Destroy all who would oppose you from your joy and peace.

Deny authority, you are the Master of your own life.

Accept death as a reality, but do not fear it.

Always be ready to fight for your wellbeing.

Pursue your recovery and healing, fight for it against anything. If the war must be in your own head, so be it.

Make decisions after great deliberation.

Listen to your body, it will not tell you lies.

Do not be afraid of destruction, for it will lead to rebuilding. Seek the rebuild, the reformation.

Seek revolution until your life is at your ideal.

Pursue freedom above all else.

Note for all: It doesn’t have to be physical violence or physical destruction. If your “destruction” is by aggressively coping with your PTSD and seeking your recovery, then that counts and She will help you! But He is very pro violent destruction.

⛯ main tarot cards & other signs and associations . . .

Tarot Cards — 

The Emperor, esp when reversed • VII the Chariot • VIII Strength • XI Justice • XIII Death • XV the Devil • XVI the Tower • XX Judgement

V of Cups

Ace of Swords • II of Swords • III of Swords • V of Swords • VII of Swords • VIII of Swords • X of Swords • Knight of Swords

V of Pentacles • VI of Pentacles

II of Wands • V of Wands • VII of Wands • IX of Wands

Other Signs & Associations — 

battle axes • bloody weapons • raised weapons • paintings of bloody, murderous women; esp ones of vengeance • snakes

cinnamon • poisons and venoms • alcohols

❂ devotional acts . . .

make plans for your future

keep weapons and keep them in good shape, even if not for battle

keep a cherry tree

learn a martial art

learn how to use a weapon

create peace for yourself, internally and externally

exercise, build your strength

work with the dead

know your government, know the corrupt officials

care for snakes and do not harm them maliciously

veil for your protection

share spicy food with Her, she views it as a test of strength /lh

use baneful magic

use magic for activism (should not replace physical and social activism! supplement!)

rebuild after things have been destroyed

make decisions in Her name or alongside Him

lie for your own safety

study wars, assassinations, coups, overthrowings, and other similar things in history

perform protective spells and other measures

prepare for the worst, hope for the best

fight back against those who harm you

be treacherous when it's justified

. . . offerings ❦

↘ natural ; 

rubies (fake ones fine)

obsidian

boneset / feverwort

jezebel root

volcanic sand

↘ foodstuff ; 

very spicy foods

cherries, cherry flavored things, etc

alcohol, the stronger the better

peppers, esp guinea peppers

red meat

↘ items ; 

snake symbology

weapons

cinnamon scented incense, candles, wax melts, etc

crimson things

veils

swords and other blades

↘ music ; 

harsh sounds

just make a “rage playlist” honestly

emotional songs

↘ etc ; 

red candles

poisonous things. if you can afford it, venom

🜾 altar building . . .

This is all suggestions. Please build it however you can, if a physical altar is even possible.

As always, you can use offering items to build an altar.

in a corner, preferably one sun never or rarely touches

on an altar cloth depicting a snake

some form of weapon symbology. it can be a little figurine or something

🝊 identity . . .

Boethiah is a calloused being, though She shows a much kinder side to followers. She speaks short and firm, making it clear what He wants at any given time. He is strict, and isn’t shy of showing Xeir frustration, though She is calm and collected, and rarely yells or shows great rage, and never violence to a devout. 

Boethiah prefers to show love through non-verbal components, by giving and providing things for followers, versus outright saying kind things to them.

Boethiah often appears in wildly different ways, so it’s hard to 100% pin down what She looks like. He even sometimes appears as non-humanoids, often within dreams.

Most typically, Boethiah appears as a Dunmer woman or man, often very strong looking, with long black hair that is kept up in an intricate style, often secured under a cloth of some form. She keeps much of His body covered.

Boethiah has a middling pitch of voice, speaking with great power. Xe enunciates well, enjoying big and fancy words. She speaks with a mild scratch, though it’s not super noticeable all the time.

☘ aspects . . .

Boethiah has not shared any aspects with me yet.

☉ domain . . .

Attribution's Share is Boethiah's domain. It was formerly called the Snake Mount. 

It is it's own whole country, with Boethiah at the top, ruling over Her subjects. It has many towers and mazes within it, as both interest Him.

Within it, is the Great City of Rylmvar (a Daedric word, is what Boethiah told me), where most mortals and devotees of Boethiah live. It’s also where visitors mostly stick to.

One realm of Attribution's Share is the Boethiah Stadium, consisting of stormy skies, volcanic islands and lava seas. It is mostly avoided by mortals and instead inhabited by the Daedra of whom live in Attribution’s Share.

⛮ working with . . .

Working with Boethiah is an… odd thing to explain. She gives and gives, and expects much in return, enjoying being spoiled. But at the same time, if you prioritize Him over yourself, you’ll get a proper scolding. Xe truly cares for followers and will protect them well.

Boethiah expects much work and much reverence, and also expects Himself to provide in equal. Boethiah wants followers to be dedicated to Her worship and Xeir work.

The benefits are that one will be deeply protected and cared for by the Great Warrior Boethiah, and Boethiah is very much a Prince you want on your side. 

If slighted, Boethiah can be brutal and harsh, even more so than other Princes. She will make sure you learn your lesson, and won't halt until you do. A proper apology and offering typically fixes the issue, but be prepared to have to do some extra work and pampering just in case. 

Boethiah is not at all shy to interact directly with followers. Boethiah often directly talks to, sends signs to, approaches, etc followers with little to no apprehensions. 

⚜ holidays & festivals . . .

Boethiah’s summoning day is November 02nd. 

What we do is we summon Boethiah in the morning and spend our day with Her, engaging in things that build our strength and our willpower.

♡ prayers . . .

⛤ 01 . . . O Prince Boethiah, Prince of Plots, Queen and King of Shadows, He-Who-Destroys, She-Who-Erases, Xe-Who-Creates, I worship You, I revere You.  You, in all of Your grand power, who aides me in my necessity,  who protects me, and pushes me with a stern hand towards my better. I adore You, I love You! Welcome to my space, to my home, to my life!

⛤ 02 . . . Master Boethiah, teach me now. Guide me in the lessons I have yet to learn, lessons of strength, lessons of power, lessons of greater. Do not abandon me now, and provide for me I plead, for I provide my love and my devotion in return.

⛤ 03 . . . Lady Boethiah, I leave upon You now this offering. I pray that You will accept it, and embrace it, and feel my affection for You within it.

⛤ 04 . . . O Boethiah, I have a humble request to make of You, [xyz]. Please, I ask of you, fulfill my prayer.

⛤ 05 . . . Prince Boethiah, great Dark Warrior,  I honor You in my actions today. I honor You in my life, and in my every breath.

⚿ evoking, invoking, summoning . . .

EVOKATION &&° 

wear red

wear snake patterns

keep a weapon of some form on you, even if it’s just your keys or pepper spray

— ☆ — 

Things in [] are for making it a summoning.

WHY AND WHEN &&° 

when you’re being attacked magically

when you need more strength and power

INGREDIENTS AND OTHER TOOLS &&° 

red candle(s)

Her name written in Daedric script

an offering of some form

[cherry soda, or some other food offering]

[rubies, even just the essence of one]

IDEALS &&° 

Time – nighttime

Location – within your safe space

STEPS &&° 

Prepare a circle, and place down your candle(s).

Write down Her name in Daedric Script, and leave it in the center on top of your offering, [alongside the ruby and food offering].

Light the candles and recite: Great Boethiah, I call upon Your spirit now, I call upon Your power now. Please come to me, I humbly ask, and help me with my task.

Do your business.

Blow out the candles.

NOTES &&° 

Boethiah is especially prone to just coming when called.

Boethiah likes a more Daedric ritual than others might.'

⛼ history . . .

This section is mostly a copy-paste from UESP. Please support UESP, I am begging you.

. . . mythos ]

( MERETHIC ERA )

In the Late-Middle Merethic Era, Boethiah began appearing in the dreams and visions of a young prophet, Veloth. These visions guided Veloth in the creation of a new sect of Aldmeri dissidents, with a core belief being that mortals could ascend to godhood. However, the followers of Trinimac, the most powerful of the et'Ada, stridently opposed this new cult. His priests condemned the dissidents for blasphemy, threatening them with exile should they remain devoted to the teachings of Veloth. In response, it is said that Trinimac was tricked into going into Boethiah's mouth—or more literally, that Boethiah ate Trinimac.

As the priests prepared to pass judgment on the Veloth and his cult, Boethiah appeared before them in the guise and with the voice of Trinimac. He (Boethiah) gathered a crowd and began to tell them of the "lies" of the Aedra, and in particular of Trinimac; he spoke of the "Tri-Angled Truth", how to create the future Chimer culture, and with Mephala, the rules of Psijic Endeavor. When he was sure the priests were shamed and broken, and as proof of the truth of his words, Boethiah relieved himself of Trinimac in front of the crowd. The followers of both the Aedra and the Daedra then "rubbed the soil of Trinimac upon themselves and changed their skins". This reportedly made it easy for Boethiah's new people to become the "Changed Ones".

While the exact details of Boethiah's victory over Trinimac are unclear, it is said that after being swallowed, she (Boethiah) "tortured his spirit in her belly". Eventually, Boethiah grew bored and released Trinimac, later exiling him to a plane of ash. Trinimac became enraged and twisted after this torture and dishonor; he faded away and was reborn as Mauloch. The former Aedra's most devoted followers changed with him, becoming the Orsimer. However, according to Orcish accounts of the battle, Trinimac was about to deal a terrific blow, when Mephala appeared and stabbed him in the back. As Trinimac was reeling, Boethiah cast a "terrible ritual" to scar and twist his appearance before banishing Trinimac to "a place of choking air and ash", where accounts agree that he became Malacath. Other sources also claim that all of Trinimac's followers were changed into the Orsimer.

Towards the end of Veloth's exodus, they were approached by an aspect of Boethiah posing as a woman at Dunmeth Pass who proclaimed herself to be "Chimer-Friend", and had him swear an oath that would make him and his followers into better Mer. Veloth proclaimed on what would later become known as Veloth's Judgement, that he would never again use it nor any other tool to slay a foe, and that he would give his heart to his people and dedicate his life and soul to them. The Chimer-Friend then melted the ice blocking the pass and accompanied them into Morrowind.

( FIRST ERA )

In response to the destruction of Gilverdale at the hands of Molag Bal, the Tribunal god Sotha Sil sought out eight of the most influential Daedric Princes. Boethiah was among them, and between the 3rd and 5th of Rain's Hand in 1E 2920, a deal was made which would be known as the Coldharbour Compact. Little is known about the Compact, but it is theorized that it prevents the Princes from directly manifesting on Nirn. It is also speculated that, in order to secure the agreement of the Princes, Sotha Sil either made a credible threat to them or presented a significant offer in exchange.

( SECOND ERA )

In 2E 582, Boethiah manifested into an animus geode within Abamath to help keep the Exile of Mauloch sealed away. Boethiah had also had a hand in the formation of the Maulborn, manipulating Urili Vox into stealing the Judgement of Veloth to avenge her son. A mysterious Chimeri spirit by the name of Aspera also appeared around this time period, seeking to help The Vestige in acquiring the power of Saint Veloth and stopping Magistrate Vox. Aspera would show up once again in Eastmarch in the form of Aspera Giant-Friend, a mysterious Dunmer who could commune with giants. She was instrumental in the Ebonheart Pact's defeat of Filgor Orcthane's army of Orsimer by helping forge an alliance with said giants to overtake Cradlecrush, the ritual arena of Malacath. When asked about who her master was, she refused to answer, simply stating that "some grudges are ancient and some answers are beyond your understanding."

Later that same year, Boethiah held a tournament at the Dragonstar Arena in the Dragontail Mountains. Participants from across Tamriel came to try and defeat her champion, Hiath the Battlemaster. Here, Aspera appeared once again as an observer of the event, but this time as a living Dunmer named Aspera Arena-Friend. She references her time as a Chimeri spirit and as a friend to giants, and heavily implies that she has been an aspect of Boethiah. This would mean that the Prince was responsible both for the rise of Magistrate Vox and Vox's defeat by the Tribunal.

( THIRD ERA )

Around 3E 405, Boethiah offered "power" to an agent of the Blades in exchange for slaying a spellsword in the Iliac Bay region. In the Prince's own words, the target of her wrath was a "perfectly charming and charitable ass" who had been "annoying the hell out [her] for years." Once the deed was done, Boethia rewarded the agent with the Ebony Mail.

In 3E 427, Boethiah commanded the Nerevarine to help restore his ruined shrine off the coast of Vvardenfell. After the Nerevarine found a sculptor to restore his statue to its former glory, Boethiah granted the legendary sword Goldbrand to the hero.

Boethiah once again rewarded a hero with Goldbrand in 3E 433. This time, the recipient was the Hero of Kvatch, who traveled to one of the Prince's realms in Oblivion to participate in the Tournament of Ten Bloods. After the other nine challengers were slain, Boethiah declared the Hero to be his "Chosen One".

( FOURTH ERA )

Naarifin was said to have been a Boethiah worshiper who intended to bring about a prophecy known as 'The Culling', the implementation of which involved mass Daedric summoning. A large Boethiah cult operating under his orders was active during the Great War, with the Dremora blademaster Reive having been granted Goldbrand by Boethiah and working with the cult. Naarifin was defeated in battle and hanged from the White-Gold Tower for thirty-three days, with one source claiming he was carried away by a winged Daedra on the thirty-fourth.

In 4E 201, Boethiah called upon the Last Dragonborn to become her new champion. True to form, this involved slaying the old champion. Once the deed was done, Boethiah bestowed the Ebony Mail upon the Dragonborn.

𝌁 other vettable information . . .

When meditating on Boethiah's presence and name, She brings:

visions of: snakes crawling on arms • snake arm tattoos

smells of: cherries • heavy spice

sounds of: snakes hisses

feelings of: snakes slithering on you • being fiercely protected

❡ notes . . .

Boethiah helps a lot with protection from jinxes, hexes, curses, or any other magic done for a baneful reason. She also helps a lot with getting back at abusers.

Boethiah enjoys walking near mortals to enact will, so seeing Him as an aiding figure might be very common. As well, She generally enacts Her will and tries to help regardless. This doesn’t have to be a person, might be an animal or something.

[gevauxie]

I had a Russian Doll toy when I was young.

Tom's diary was laid out on the bare prison desk before him. His ink was running low. He sucked at the nib of the quill, ignoring its bitter taste, using his tongue to wet the end. Once it was running freely again, he lowered it back down. He carried on scratching away.

...The doll was a gift. A hand-me-down, from some crazed Victorian benefactor who visited the orphanage once every other blue moon. She was an older woman; all fur coat and stiff upper lip, the kind that quite clearly had no time for children, and did her best to avoid them where she could. God knows why she donated to the crumbling monolith that was the Wool’s Institute for Impoverished Boys and Girls. Perhaps it made her look good to her high society friends. Perhaps it gave her something to boast about over dinner.

Regardless, she came to visit every now and then. We always knew she was coming because we were all forced to bathe the night before, and matron would come round with a nit-comb and an old tin box of talc. We’d have our hair scraped back and our shirt collars ironed out. Everything was packed and put away, and after breakfast we were made to stand in a long, straggly line by the front door.

The benefactor rang the doorbell. Nobody rang the doorbell. They either knocked on the knocker or they didn’t come at all.

She always hobbled in, clanking like the rusted screws on the side of a radiator. Her nose was hooked, her warts visible; my first encounter with what I thought was an old wicked witch. The classic bogeyman of children’s fairy stories – but a far cry from the real thing, I had come to realise.

She strode forwards, inspecting each of us in turn. We stood in alphabetical order, so as a member of the ‘R’s, I was toward the back of the queue. But she always paused when she got to me. Her black-toed heels came to a determined stop, and she peered down, meeting my eye.

She liked me. She always had. I couldn’t really put my finger on why; perhaps it was because she saw in me something that reminded her of herself. She saw the fire behind my gaze, no matter how forcefully I tried to smother it; she saw the flash of defiance, and the refusal to sit down and accept my lot. She looked at me and saw a fighter, a savage who would do anything – and everything – to achieve whatever it was that they wanted. I had a feral animal somewhere inside of me. At that age, I just needed to learn how to tame it.

The benefactor bent down, with what looked like great effort. She leant heavy on her cane and her knees popped. She produced the little doll from the inside of her fur coat pocket.

"Look at this," she said. "And tell me what you see."

I had looked at it. I had looked at its squat painted head, and at the delicate red and blue flowers that made up the pattern of its dress. I had taken it from her outstretched hand and had turned it over between both of my own. I remember the wooden curves of its surface being smooth.

"It’s fat," I said. "Fat and ugly."

The benefactor had sighed with impatience.

"Yes. But what else?"

I looked. I floundered. I shrugged at her.

"I don’t know."

She pointed a finger at the doll’s dark, heavy-lidded eyes.

"See, there? You think she’s looking at you. But really, she’s looking inward."

I had no idea what she meant. I tried turning the doll around, so that it caught the light. Nothing stood out to me.

"You might not realise it, but she has multiple faces," the benefactor said. "A woman can be tricky, like that. And sometimes men too."

Still, I saw nothing. I turned the doll back and forth.

"How does she hide them?" I asked. "Her faces?"

"By lying."

I had wrinkled my nose, disbelieving. I knew all about lying. I used it and I abused it, though I admit now that I hadn’t been very good. Not yet, at least. For example – I had no concept, back then, of lying to oneself, in order to protect the id from harm. I had no concept of wearing a ruse in order to go undercover, or of convincing oneself of an entirely different personality, for the sake of successful espionage.

"Lying?" I asked her, pretending I had never heard the word.

The benefactor smiled a rare smile. Her one good eye twinkled, knowing.

"Yes, boy. The doll works by wrapping itself within a lie – and then another, and another. All to hide a greater lie, underneath."

I turned the doll over between my fingers. "How?"

She reached out her long, bony hand to lift the doll back up from me. She twisted it and pulled off its egg-shaped head. Inside, another head appeared, slightly smaller than the last.

I remember that I had gasped. To me, the edges of her body had seemed so smooth. I’d had no idea there was an opening.

The benefactor didn’t stop there. She pulled off another head, and then another, going deeper and deeper until she reached the centre of the doll. She handed me the pieces, and I collected what I could between my little palms.

She never asked for them back, so one by one, I had slipped them into my trouser pockets. I could feel the other children’s eyes burning into my side, lime-green from jealousy.

"You can’t trust people, Tom." Before me, the benefactor heaved herself back upward, moving with more popping sounds and a dangerously straining wheeze. Her cane wobbled as she leant on it. "Now, let that be a lesson to you."

A few years later, I was offered my place at Hogwarts’ School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I forgot all about the old Victorian benefactor – and all about the toy she had bequeathed me, and the message she had tried to send. I thought I was better than her. I thought I was better than everyone, and I didn’t need anyone else’s sage advice, thankyou very much.

So, really, it’s my own damn fault that I’m in the situation I’m in.

______

Chapter 12, 'Matryoshka', from WIP Tomione fic 'Kiss Me Before You Go'. The rest of the fic is available to read on AO3:

[sarah-ankh]

To Be Seen

"hell is other people" - jean Paul Sartre.

To be seen is to be judged. To be seen, to be witnessed, to be misunderstood. To have your whole life reduced to a single out of context moment in the mind of another.

To be seen is to be exposed, made vulnerable. To have the whole weight of the vast world beyond your own mind crash down upon you and crush your fragile sense of self.

To be seen is to be changed. To alter yourself so as to change the reflection of you seen in the eyes of another. To hide your truth and don a mask of pleasing acceptability, or lovable outrageousness, but a mask either way. A facsimile. A calculated lie to protect precarious position in a grand social order. To need acceptance, and to betray the self to gain it.

To be seen is to be subjected to the whims of the seer, to torture oneself endlessly with complication and divorce oneself from the simple, peaceful truth of solitude.

Why would anybody want to be seen?

But then, maybe that's just me.

-----------------------------------

This was originally a reply to another post, but I'm posting it again on its own because I'm actually quite proud of it

[paper--moons]

Regressor!Miroku Headcanons

(with cg!Inuyasha)

Despite being a fairly perceptive person, Miroku is largely unaware of his own regression. Although perception does not necessarily equate to introspection of oneself, it still seems like he should have noticed this aspect of himself. This oversight can be chalked up to the fact that he has a lot going on, to put it mildly—forget trying to navigate the typical struggles that come with entering adulthood, no, he has to worry about finding Naraku and destroying him in order to get rid of the Kazaana unless he wants to be swallowed up by it (like his father before him, and his father's father). So it's understandable that he may have overlooked some things (or more accurately, ignored), like the dislocated, heady feeling that sometimes overcame him late at night when he closed himself away in whatever accommodations he had managed to secure for the evening. And even when he did acknowledge it, it was easy enough to brush off as something he was more familiar with and had a word for. Like fatigue. Surely it was only fatigue? The constant traveling, performing exorcisms, and doing palm readings and the like having caught up to him, as well as the ever-mounting pressure of time—running out of time—looming over him. But the swimmy feeling wasn't unpleasant, instead being quite the opposite. It made things easier, and so Miroku didn't have to acknowledge it. He wouldn't. Though this becomes something of an issue when he picks up some traveling companions (or rather, they pick him up) and they take notice of the occasional odd behavior; it's difficult to hide things when they are constantly in close proximity of one another. And while neither Kagome nor Sango push the issue, Inuyasha is a lot more stubborn.

This stubbornness is borne out of the belief that he's right, of course. Inuyasha can't exactly blame the rest of their group for not noticing—Sango and Kagome are only humans, after all, and Shippo is, well...Shippo, so of course he didn't notice either. Although he comes closer than the other two, not exactly noticing the way Miroku seems to almost be indulging himself when playing with the young yokai. And it could easily enough be explained away that he's just good with kids—an explanation that Miroku uses like a crutch when Sango mentions how good he is with Shippo—but there's more to it. Inuyasha can tell there's more to it, because the way Miroku smells changes. In fact, it was that subtle change that first tipped him off to the fact that Miroku regresses; Inuyasha might have bought the ready-made excuse if not for the fact that his yokai senses were telling him otherwise. While it's pretty typical for a human's emotional state to be picked up by a yokai, it's also typical that it fluctuates. It doesn't help that humans can't mask this like yokai can nor can they detect it themselves. But Miroku smells like a baby a lot more often than other people he's been around, and Inuyasha starts to get very protective without realizing it. He pushes, Miroku pushes back, the two butt heads about it, until finally everything bubbles over when Miroku gets sick from using the Kazaana to swallow up the nasty miasma Naraku so often liked to use against them. It's happened before, but this time he drops hard and he isn't even sure why that is. All Miroku knows is that it hurts and he wants to be held. His thoughts are a lot more jumbled than when this usually happens, his head a lot more fuzzy...although that could be attributed to the soft white hair he's crying into as he's held protectively against a familiar chest. And really, it's hard for Miroku to deny this isn't something he needs after clinging to Inuyasha like his life depended on it.

His regression being acknowledged (and assigned a proper term, thanks to Kagome and her modern understanding of what he's been experiencing) does not make things any easier on him. Miroku doesn't want to be so small, doesn't have the time. And it's frustrating when he finds that he suddenly has a caregiver (another term from Kagome, this time for Inuyasha), especially one that often knows just how small he's feeling. They all figure out fairly quickly that Miroku has what Kagome called a wider age range, roughly estimating that he falls anywhere from baby to about twelve. This might have been okay in his opinion (embarrassing, sure, but okay) if he stayed on the twelve end of things. More often than not however, Miroku slips dangerously small given what their escapades on a daily basis usually consist of. A reality that isn't helped by the fact that Inuyasha has decided he's his pup now. The way the half-yokai will essentially just lift him up whenever he feels like with a dismissive What? Fussy pups get scruffed, an' you've been whinin' all morning should not make Miroku feel so cared for and yet...it's nice. Not that he would admit it, though the way he melts into Inuyasha's hold and is soothed by the bouncing is quite telling in and of itself. But Miroku can't even remember a time when he wasn't preparing to face Naraku and get rid of the curse held in his palm. So much of his actual childhood was overshadowed by his father trying to do the very same, with his father's efforts to get rid of the Kazaana so it wouldn't be passed along to his son resulting in a lot of emotional neglect. For Inuyasha to be so perceptive of his emotional state and to make the big decisions for him, if only for a little while, in all honesty felt like a great relief. Not only does it come as a great relief, but the feeling of care and safety the yokai provided starts to push him smaller than he might have otherwise let himself be.

Despite Inuyasha seemingly being a mind reader (a regression reader?), the whole group makes efforts at getting Miroku to regress in a more healthy way, rather than just relying on Inuyasha to decide when he's done enough time being a big boy for the day. Even if he can accurately know those things, Miroku needs to slip occasionally under more positive circumstances rather than because he pushed himself too far again. There's more gentleness shared between them all even if at first their efforts are directed moreso at Miroku. Little things that are actually big things, like checking in to make sure he is feeling okay or helping him with tasks that he's done alone a million times. Though it takes a lot less encouragement to get him to regress than any of them could have expected however, because suddenly it's like the floodgates have been opened as he comes to accept his regression. To be told that it is okay, that he isn't running out of time because they're in this together. To be promised by Inuyasha that he will personally make sure Naraku is defeated and the Kazaana removed. To be reassured that he is allowed to be small. It finally brings him some much needed relief, and with that relief he is able to properly seek the comfort he needs for the first time in his life. Suddenly they're faced with the fact that Miroku middlespaces a lot given that he finally has a support system, and regresses much more regularly whenever they have downtime. Regressing at night certainly keeps him from being so fussy the next morning too, though Inuyasha will still find an excuse to scoop him up so he can nap a little before they stop for lunch.

With an increased positive association with regression comes some new activities. Not that his association with negative emotions was inherently wrong, of course; those negative emotions when he was feeling small only really saw him experiencing one end of the regression spectrum, and with that meant he was only really doing more low-energy or self-soothing activities. But now that his regression has opened up to other emotions, it turns out Miroku is a very high energy kid! Sort of like he hasn't gotten to play outside in a really really long time because it was raining, and so he has a ton of pent up energy—so much so that it's difficult for anyone to keep up with him, with Inuyasha being the exception. Miroku bounces from one game to the next with reckless abandon, absolutely delighting in the fact that he's free to play and has someone playing with him. However it becomes clear to Inuyasha that Miroku is missing something. Something that was a part of even his own childhood experience: toys, and by extension, comfort items. Inuyasha can recall cherishing the few toys he had as a child and with that thought in mind, sets out on a little excursion to find a nearby village where he might be able to secure a few things. It's only a day trip, though Miroku gets restless back at their camp. But the wait is worth it when Inuyasha returns and with a smug grin spreads out what he managed to scrounge up: a simple ball, a spinning top, and a soft blanket. He starts to say he wants to try and get Miroku a few other things, but doesn't get to finish before the boy is practically tackling him in a hug. His haul might have been small, but Miroku is impressed nonetheless and almost immediately gravitates towards the blanket despite it not being naptime.

Some of Inuyasha's caregiving habits don't always make sense to Miroku, no matter if he's big or small—there are just some things that have to be written off as yokai instincts. Specifically as dog yokai instincts. Like getting scruffed; he has grown more than accustomed to getting picked up at the drop of a hat. He's in trouble? Scruffed. He's getting a little too rambunctious? Also scruffed. Then there's the fact that Inuyasha will quite literally growl at people that he doesn't trust getting too close to the baby. Somewhat embarrassing as Miroku is (mostly) big whenever that happens, but he gets it. What he doesn't get though is the fact that he gets sat down and groomed at the end of the day. It doesn't matter if he's clean or dirty, doesn't matter how recently he's had a bath or brushed his hair, he's getting tugged down into Inuyasha's lap. And while he doesn't fully understand why it's something he (seemingly) has to have done every day, Miroku doesn't find it uncomfortable, nor is it fully unwanted either. Quite the opposite, in fact! The claws finger-combing his hair and lightly scratching at his scalp feel so nice, not to mention that the act itself is so attentive. It's not something Miroku would have ever guessed Inuyasha would do for him, nor would he have guessed just how easily it lulls him to sleep. (And, should he think about it, he might come to realize that perhaps that's exactly why Inuyasha does it.)

While Miroku tries to stay big on nights with a full moon after learning about Inuyasha's secret, he can't always manage it. It's a scary thing! Even if he were to keep himself from regressing, he would be worried sick despite the fact that Sango and Kagome are helping keep watch too—as it stands, it is that anxiety that something might happen while Inuyasha is so vulnerable that ultimately causes him to slip. However, this does not stop him from helping to protect him. Or trying to, at least in his own way. Baby Miroku is a little on the clingy side, and figures that if the girls are watching their camp's perimeter then he is going to be the one to keep a close eye on Inuyasha. Naturally this "protection" takes the form of cuddling up to him for the entire night so they can both get some rest. It's what Inuyasha does for him when he's feeling icky, and as far as Miroku understands when he's small like this, his cg feels very icky yucky when the moon is full. It's very much the manifestation of that little kid mentality that believes everyone should get as much help and the same kind of help as they do! And so he occupies a soft toddlerspace as he tucks Inuyasha in with his blanket before gently petting over the jet black locks that only a few hours ago were as silver as the moonlight now bathing them. Miroku wastes no time moving to cling to him, with tiny murmurs of s'okay being whispered while he settles in beside him. For his part, Inuyasha is quite touched by this—the emotional response of course being blamed on his temporary, fully human state—and finds himself hugging onto Miroku equally as tightly as he drifts off to sleep. They won't discuss it the next morning, or ever, because the gesture itself is more than enough.

[waywardpensman]

My magic system for my novel

Its a bit of a read so enjoy lmao

and I do apologise for being quiet for ages lol

Magic System for Aetheria: The Dual Weave

In the world of Aetheria, magic flows from two primary forces: The Celestial Light and The Abyssal Shadow. These two powers, which were once united in a single, harmonious source of magic, were violently split during the event known as the Sundering. Since then, mages of Aetheria and the Shadowlands have been taught to wield only one side of this divided magic, but some, like Kael Rynn, seek to understand both.

The core of this magic system revolves around The Dual Weave: the intricate relationship between light and shadow magic, where mastery lies in the understanding that neither is inherently good nor evil, but both are necessary to maintain the balance of the world.

Foundations of Magic:

Essence: Magic in Aetheria is drawn from the Essence of the World, a primal force that pervades all living things and the environment itself. This essence is divided into two types:

Celestial Essence (Light) – Associated with purity, order, protection, and life.

Abyssal Essence (Shadow) – Associated with transformation, chaos, secrecy, and decay.

Conduits: All magic users, called Weavers, channel magic through conduits—physical or mental focal points that allow them to access and manipulate the Essence. These can be innate, such as the user's body, or external, like staves, crystals, or enchanted objects.

Weaves: Magic is cast by forming Weaves, which are complex patterns of light or shadow essence. Each type of magic requires different weaves, from simple spells like basic shielding or energy projection to complex rituals that bend reality.

Schools of Magic:

Celestial Weaving Celestial Magic, the power of the Light, is commonly practiced in Aetheria. It draws upon the structured, radiant force of the Celestial Essence, which grants users powers of protection, healing, and enlightenment. The Celestial Weavers believe that their magic is tied to righteousness and clarity of purpose.

Illumination: Creating radiant light, banishing shadows, and revealing hidden truths.

Wardcraft: Defensive spells that form shields, barriers, and protections. These can be either personal or for protecting large areas.

Restoration: Healing the wounded, purifying disease, and restoring the vitality of living beings.

Radiant Command: Control over natural elements through the manipulation of light, such as summoning fire, blinding enemies, or influencing weather.

Abyssal Weaving Abyssal Magic, practiced in the Shadowlands, draws from the Abyssal Essence. It is less understood by the people of Aetheria and is often feared, as it deals with powers of change, concealment, and entropy. Abyssal Weavers can manipulate darkness, hide their presence, or accelerate natural decay.

Veilcasting: The power to manipulate shadows and conceal oneself or others. Advanced weavers can create illusions or become completely invisible in darkness.

Entropy: The acceleration of natural decay or degradation. This can be used to break down physical structures or sap the life force from enemies.

Transmutation: Abyssal Weavers can change the shape and nature of objects or beings, transforming matter into different states.

Soulbinding: The manipulation of life energy, which can be used to influence minds, raise the dead, or channel the power of fallen spirits.

Dual Weaving:

The rarest and most powerful form of magic is Dual Weaving, which combines both Celestial and Abyssal forces into a single weave. Few can perform this, as it requires deep understanding and perfect balance between the two forces. Dual Weavers have access to abilities that transcend both light and shadow, but practicing this magic is forbidden in Aetheria due to its association with heresy.

Equilibrium Weaving: The balance of light and shadow magic allows a Dual Weaver to influence both order and chaos. This type of magic can restore balance to imbalanced areas, neutralize other spells, or bind creatures of light and shadow alike.

Temporal Magic: Dual Weaving can also manipulate time in small ways—slowing it, speeding it up, or creating brief moments of stasis by weaving both forces together.

Reality Shifting: Advanced Dual Weavers can alter the fundamental nature of space, bending reality or creating small pocket dimensions where both light and shadow coexist harmoniously.

Anima Fusion: Dual Weavers can merge life forces from both light and shadow, creating hybrid creatures or fusing themselves with elemental beings for a temporary boost in power.

Laws of Magic:

The Law of Harmony: Light and shadow must always remain in balance. If a Weaver draws too heavily on one force without respecting the other, they risk losing control of the magic. Overuse of Celestial Essence can lead to blindness (both literal and metaphorical), an inability to see the subtleties of reality, while overuse of Abyssal Essence can cause madness, as the mind is consumed by the chaos of shadow.

The Sundering Limit: The Sundering created an artificial divide in magic, which has made accessing both forces difficult. Most weavers can only wield one type of Essence. However, with special training or forbidden rituals, a rare few can overcome this limit and access both.

Essence Decay: Overuse of magic leads to Essence Decay, a slow degradation of the Weaver’s ability to harness magic. Those who rely too much on their powers, especially if they disrupt the balance of light and shadow, can lose their connection to magic entirely. Celestial magic overuse leads to physical frailty, while Abyssal overuse drains the soul and shortens the lifespan.

Foci: Certain places or objects are naturally attuned to one type of Essence. For instance, in areas rich with Celestial Essence, light magic is easier to cast, while Abyssal magic is weaker. Conversely, the deep forests of the Shadowlands are saturated with Abyssal Essence, amplifying shadow magic and weakening light-based weaves.

Magical Artifacts and Relics:

The Orb of Sundering: A legendary relic said to hold the combined power of both light and shadow, created during the event of the Sundering. It is rumored that whoever masters the orb can restore the world to its pre-Sundering state, merging light and shadow back into one harmonious force.

Celestial Crystals: Glowing, radiant crystals used by Aetherian mages to amplify their connection to the Celestial Essence. They are often embedded in staves or worn as amulets to boost power.

Obsidian Sigils: Dark, jagged stones infused with Abyssal Essence, carried by Weavers of the Shadowlands. These sigils allow their wielders to enhance shadow spells, control creatures of darkness, or summon shades from the Abyss.

Final Thoughts:

In this world of divided magic, conflict arises not just between the forces of light and shadow, but within individuals who seek to find harmony between the two. Those who practice Dual Weaving, like Kael Rynn, must navigate the dangerous path between these opposing forces, risking not only their lives but the very nature of magic itself. As Kael uncovers the truth about the Sundering, he begins to understand that restoring balance between light and shadow might be the only way to prevent the world from falling into chaos again.