#to be truly able to tell how things were?
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"Work Break Seduction."
ni-ki + f¡reader — ♡ 18+
WARNINGS — dom!ni-ki, sub¡reader, dirty talk, making out, cussing, rough sex, riki eats out reader, unprotected sex (stay safe dont do it.) pet names.
both characters are of age. (20+) not proofread, sorry if theres any errors. this is quite long but worth the read i promise!
Reader recently went into a new college and grew a school crush on Riki. Though he plays hard to get, your able to break his nonchalant demeanour.
Note : Riki was mostly requested, so enjoy. (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)
Your parents recently moved to a different town, which meant transferring to a new college. It wasn’t as bad as you expected, though you didn’t really know anyone there—but that was fine. At least your childhood friend, Jess, was with you.
A few weeks passed, and you found yourself constantly drawn to a boy—Riki. Girls flocked to him, yet he always brushed them off or rejected their advances. No one seemed to know much about him. He was distant, only ever seen around small groups. But that only made him more intriguing. The mystery surrounding him pulled you in, making you want to learn more about him.
The problem? He avoided everyone—including you. The only times you ever spoke were during school projects, and even then, the conversations were brief or short talk.
This morning, once again, you found yourself paired with Riki. It didn’t bother you as much, but you could tell he wasn’t thrilled about the idea. “Alright, your partners have been chosen. Get to work, project’s due in two days,” the teacher announced. You scanned the room for Riki, and then your eyes landed on him. He was leaning back in his chair, his posture casual and almost lazy. You knew you had to make the first move and approach him, or he’d likely ignore you the entire time.
You hated that you always had to be the one to approach him—it made you feel almost desperate. Yet, here you were, getting up and walking toward him. He watched as you pulled out your chair and sat down beside him. “Hi,” you said, glancing at him for a brief moment. He responded with a small nod, his usual way of acknowledging you.
You settle into the seat, trying to ignore the awkwardness that always seemed to hang between you two. The silence stretched for a moment, neither of you making any effort to start the project. You glance at him, but he’s already looking at his phone, clearly disinterested. Then, you let out a soft sigh, wishing he’d at least pretend to care. Finally deciding to break the silence. “So, uh… how do you want to split this up?” you ask, trying to sound casual.
He shrugs without looking up. “You can do whatever,” he mutters. You bite back a small frustration. Damn, you knew he wasn’t one for much conversation, but it always felt like pulling teeth to get him to participate. Yet, there was something about his indifference that kept you intrigued, even if it was maddening. “I guess I’ll start with the research,” you say, hoping for a bit more input. He doesn’t respond, but you take that as your cue to begin.
The next hour passes in relative silence, except for the occasional rustling of papers and the tapping of his phone. You focus on your work, trying not to pay attention to how he barely acknowledges your presence. Though you’re starting to get irritated by how you’re doing all the work while he’s just sitting there—eyes glued to his phone, doing nothing at all, you can’t bring yourself to get truly mad. Not when he looks this… handsome.
Should you try to start another conversation, hoping he might actually respond? You really wanted to get to know him better, maybe even get him to show a little interest in you, too. Fuck it, might as well, you really like him. "Prom is coming soon, you going out with anyone?" Thats the first thing that came to mind, it was a bit personal, but your curious. Maybe you can shoot your shot?
He finally lifts his head up from his phone, placing it on the desk and locks eyecontact with you. "Nah. Not interested in that typa stuff." For the first time, he actually seemed engaged, and it left you a little thrown off balance. "Why not?" You say, he gives you a shrug. "Why are you asking anyway?" He raises an eyebrow, your slightly taken by surprise when he asks, trying to make yourself sound less interested. "I'm just trying to conversate with you, I mean your quiet as fuck."
He lets out a deep, small chuckle that sounds rich, causing you to snap your eyes at him. Shit, he's really talking to you? "Yeah, well you could've asked me anything," he taps the desk with his fingertips, "But that was apparently the first thing that came to mind?" He rests his arm over the head of the chair, scanning your body for a moment which causes a small faint redness appear on your cheeks. "A bit bold of you, I'll give you credit for that."
You slightly roll your eyes, "How was that bold? I simply asked if you had a prom date or not." He finally sits up straight in his seat, running his hand through his short black hair which catches your attention. "Really?" He chuckles a bit, looking around the classroom.
You raise your eyebrow in slight confusion before he meets your gaze again, "C'mon now. You don't think i've noticed you staring at me?" Your eyes widen, he leans in closer and suddenly your heart starts to pound unbelievably fast. "Every single time we have a class together, I see you." his cold fingertips trails up your thigh, "Your into me? Aren't you? I mean thats why you asked me such a question." Your body freezes, shivers running down your spine.
How the fuck did he know?
"Thats not..." unable to finish your sentence with his hand making contact with your thigh. "Not true?" He says, his hands creeping down to pull your chair closer to him, the both of your knees brushing against eachother. His eyes dart down to your lips, a teasing smirk appearing on his face. Before you can say anything, the bell rings, interrupting the intense moment.
"We can uhm... finish this project later?" He leans back against his chair, acting totally careless about what just happened between you two. "Meet me at lunch." Is all he says before leaving the room. You know your face is beet red, but you dont even wanna see how you look right now. So then you start putting away the paper work into your bag, packing your stuff as he leaves the room, not looking back at you once. For a moment you just stand in the now empty class with a blank mind, trying to process everything that happened.
At lunch, you find yourself sitting at a table in the far corner of the cafeteria, just as he asked. Your heart races a little, unsure of what to expect. You glance around, half-expecting him to bail, but then you spot him walking toward you, looking as casual as ever.
"Hey," Riki says, sliding into the seat across from you. His eyes briefly meet yours before he looks down at the table. "Hi," you reply, trying to sound casual even though your nerves are on edge. There’s a moment of silence between you two, the kind that always seemed to stretch on forever. You want to fill it with something, but words feel like they’re just out of reach.
Finally, he speaks again. "So, what’s your deal?" You blink, caught off guard. “What do you mean?” He shrugs, eyes flicking up to meet yours for a split second before looking away again. "Like, why are you always tryna talk to me. You barely know me." His bluntness takes you by surprise, but somehow it doesn’t feel as cold as you thought it would. It’s almost… honest.
You take a deep breath. "I don’t know. You’re just different, you know? It’s hard to ignore." He raises an eyebrow, intrigued. "I'll take that as a compliment I guess."
"I mean yeah, like you’re this whole mystery. I just want to figure you out." For a second, he looks like he’s about to say something, but instead, he leans back in his seat, his gaze lingering on you a little longer. You feel like he’s reading you, and for a moment, you wonder if he’s trying to figure you out too. Then, without warning, he leans forward, closing the space between you. His hand brushes against yours, sending a jolt of electricity through your body.
"Well," he says, voice low, "maybe you’ll find out soon." Before you can process what’s happening, his lips are on yours. It’s sudden, soft at first, but the intensity quickly builds, and everything else fades away. The warmth of his mouth against yours leaves you breathless, and for a moment, everything feels completely different, like this is where you’re supposed to be.
When he pulls away, you’re left dazed, trying to catch your breath. He looks at you, his expression unreadable, but there’s a hint of something—something you can’t quite place. "You okay?" he asks, his voice a little rough. You nod, still in shock, a small smile tugging at your lips. "Yeah. I think I’m more than okay." You bite your lower lip slightly, blushing profusely.
You both sit there for a moment, the air thick with tension and a thousand unspoken words. Your heart is still racing, but now, it's not from nerves. It's from the overwhelming feeling that something has shifted between you two. He doesn't move away, instead, his eyes search yours, almost like he's waiting for something.
Your mind is swirling, but your body seems to take over, leaning in closer, lips barely brushing against his. You can feel the heat radiating off him, his presence pulling you in with a force you can't resist. Without thinking, you kiss him again— this time deeper, more urgent. His hand finds its way to your cheek, his thumb gently grazing the skin as he pulls you in, his other hand sliding to your waist. Your heart hammers in your chest as he kisses you back with a hunger you didn't expect.
It's nothing like the first kiss-this one is raw, a mix of desire and need. You feel his fingers trace the line of your jaw, his touch almost desperate, and it sends a rush of heat through you. Your hands instinctively find his shirt, tugging him closer, as if you can't get enough of him.
His lips move with yours, more demanding now, and you match his intensity, breathless and wanting more. You can't explain it, but everything about him feels right-how he holds you, how his lips mold against yours, like this was always meant to happen. His hand slides down your back, pulling you even closer, and you can feel the heat building between you two. The kiss deepens, and everything else disappears-there's only him, only this moment.
When Riki pulls away, both of you are panting, eyes locked, faces inches apart. "You sure about this?" he asks, his voice husky. You nod, trusting your voice.
You're sure. You want this. You want him.
Without saying another word, he tilts his head toward a washroom near by the cafeteria. Afterall you both can't do anything with people around, so that was the only option. You get up, your heart beating even faster as he follows behind you. He pushes you into one of the stalls, locking it behind you.
He slowly turns around, pushing your back against the wall and his lips are on yours again, and this time, it feels like the beginning of something that neither of you can pull away from. The kiss continues, deepening with each passing second. His hands move, exploring, pulling you closer as if he can't get enough of you either. The way he holds you makes everything else fade into the background-the noise of the cafeteria, the people walking by the washroom, it all feels distant and irrelevant.
You feel his breath against your lips, a slight tremor in his touch as his fingers trace the curve of your back. Your own hands slide into his hair, fingers threading through the strands as you pull him in even closer, wanting more of him. You can taste the faint trace of mint on his breath, and it only makes you crave him more.
Riki slowly pulls away from the kiss, the both of you breathless. Finally his hand slides down your thigh, inching under your skirt. "Can I?" He grunts out as you nod at him almost instantly. "Starting to think you've wanted this for a while now," he chuckles, slipping his hands underneath your skirt and groping your ass, a small moan escaping your lips. "S-shut up will you?" He smirks, his lips trail down, leaving wet kisses down your neck. 
You press your lips tightly together, glaring at him playfully. You can't help but feel a surge of need. It's like you're both fighting the same battle, giving in to something that's been building up for weeks. Suddenly you find your hand guiding his further up your skirt.
Riki doesn't hesitate, immediately shoving your hand aside and tearing your panties apart with his hands. He gets down on his knees and buries his face between your legs, licking and sucking at your dripping folds without warning like a starved man. Your eyes roll back to the back of your head, looking down at him in slight surprise. "Fuck, you're so wet." He growls against your pussy, his fingers digging into your thighs.
He groans as he feels your fingers gripping his hair tighter, your delicious moans spurring him on. He alternates between long, teasing licks and quick flicks against your clit, savoring your sweet taste. His hands squeeze your ass, pulling you harder against his face. "F...fuck ah mmph.." Your back arches against the wall, clawing at it slightly as you try to keep quiet, not wanting anyone to hear.
He hooks his arms around your legs and throws them over his shoulders, opening you up even wider. He laps his tongue greedily around your clit, determined to make you come on his face before he allows himself to enter you. "Mmh." He groans against your pussy, your body shaking slightly from the vibration. "A-ah Riki..." The stall gets filled up with slurping sounds along with your quiet desperate moans.
He slightly pulls back, looking up at you with half closed eyes. Your breathing heavily, sweat dripping down your forehead. "Riki or daddy?" He licks his lower lip slightly, smirking a bit as he sees your widened eyes. "I..I am not calling you that weirdo." He tilts his head back, "Hey hey, it was just a suggestion."
"I'll think... about it." You whisper embarrassed, turning a light shade of red when he lets out a quiet chuckle. "Thats my good girl." Your legs slightly tremble at the name, butterflies forming in your stomach before he spreads your legs wider, feasting on your pussy like it's his last meal. He growls against your cunt when you reach down to grip his hair. Your about to reach your climax and he knows it.
"I-I'm gonna-" you whine out, the sound echoes around the empty washroom. Riki snaps his mouth against your clit, sucking hard. "Come on my face, baby." His tongue laps up your juices, going fast and hard against your sensitive nub. "Give it to me." His words are more than enough for you to reach your high, finding yourself cumming all over his face, your thighs shaking violently while you try your hardest not to scream from the pleasure.
He feels your body convulse with your climax. He spreads your legs wider, pushing them back almost painfully, allowing him deeper access. His tongue goes wild, licking and sucking every last bit of your juice. He growls softly against your pussy before pulling back, licking your release off his lips. You suck in a moan, looking down at him.
Riki's cock is aching against his jeans, begging to be free. "P-please." He hears your soft beg. He unbuckles his belt slowly, eyes darkening. "Do you want my dick?" His voice is deep, seeing you slowly nod your head. He pushes his pants and boxers down in one swift motion, freeing his throbbing cock. He strokes himself slowly, letting you admire his impressive size. A droplet of precum pearls at the tip as he grunts. You stare intently, gulping at his length, "You're..."
He steps forward, turning you around and lifting your ass up, rubbing the head against your sensitive entrance. "Yeah? Think you can take it?" His voice is thick with desire as he pushes the tip just slightly inside you, a loud gasp escaping your mouth. "So far for being quiet." Riki says teasingly as you glare up at him playfully, swallowing hard. "I-I'm trying my hardest," He chuckles while pushing in slightly more, filling you with just the tip. "Am I too big?" He grunts, your hands going up to grip his shoulders tightly.
"I-I can take it.." you whimper out. "You sure?" He feeds you another inch, making you wince slightly. He watches your face closely. "Tsk, you're only halfway there." He pulls back slightly then pushes in another inch, hitting a new spot inside you which causes your mouth to open wide. "You really can take my whole dick? Don't wanna hurt you." His voice drops lower.
You just nod, desperation taking over you. "Good girl." He praises darkly, then grips your hips tightly and slams his hips forward, impaling you completely on his massive length. For a second, your vision gets blurry, the pleasure overwhelming. "Fuck!" He roars as he bottoms out inside you, gripping on your hips tightly. You let out a loud straining moan before hearing someone walk into the washroom.
The both of you freeze, and Riki doesn't move inside you just yet. Your slightly panicking but he doesn't seem to care because he begins to grind his hips slowly, letting you feel every inch of him. Your mouth opens wide, but he quickly covers it with his hand, leaning down and whispers against your ear, "That pussy just swallowed every inch of my cock like such a good girl." His hands grip your thighs roughly, pulling you open wider. You swallow hard, whimpering against his palm. "Shh, don't wanna get caught do you?"
Finally that person seems to leave — and Riki's hand leaves your mouth. His thick shaft drags in and out of your tight, soaked pussy at a brutal pace. Each thrust makes you wince and whimper, your walls stretching to accommodate his size. He pounds into you relentlessly, the sound of his skin slapping against your ass filling the room. "F-fuck ah.. Riki-" You roll your eyes back, your mind becoming blank.
He can feel your gentle scratches against his back as he pounds into you, his hands tightening on your thighs. "Fuck, baby. This what you wanted? My dick destroying your insides?" You nod, opening your mouth to speak but words come out as moans instead. He pulls your hips further up to get deeper inside you. He leans forward, his mouth finding yours in a harsh, bruising kiss as he continues to rut into you.
He groans loudly into the kiss as he feels your pussy clench tightly around his throbbing shaft before breaking the kiss, panting heavily. "Shit, you're squeezing me so fucking tight." He adjusts his angle, deliberately targeting your G-spot with every powerful thrust.
Your trying to grip on the walls, but your fingers slip. "G-gonna cum..." His eyes darken with lust at your words, his thrusts becoming even more forceful. "Cum for me, baby. Milk my dick with that tight cunt." He reaches down and circles his thumb over your clit, applying pressure in time with his thrusts.
And with that, He feels your release bathe his length, making him groan loudly. Your pussy pulses around him tightly, almost painfully. He pumps into you erratically, losing his rhythm. He lowers his head and watches as your fluids coat his shaft, making it glide easily in and out of your body.
He pants heavily, finally unleashing his pent up load deep inside of your wet cunt. Your back arches against him as he does so, the both of you letting out loud moans from the feeling. Then he pulls out slowly, his cock glistening with your juices. "Fuck." He holds your waist and you tremble, putting your whole body weight on him since your struggling to stand.
The bathroom stall feels too small now, the air thick with the weight of what just happened. You’re both still breathing heavily, and there’s a quiet, almost uncomfortable stillness between you.
He leans back against the wall, rubbing a hand over his face as if trying to process everything. You do the same, your mind racing a little. It’s strange how quickly things shifted, how in the span of just a few minutes, everything between you changed. You glance over at him. He’s still looking at you, his eyes soft, his expression unreadable. For a moment, neither of you speaks. You’re both just sitting there in the aftermath, unsure of what to say next.
"So… that happened," you murmur, trying to break the silence. He lets out a small laugh, but it’s low, more to himself than anything. “Yeah. Guess it did.” His voice sounds different now, less guarded, but there’s still that underlying tension. You’re not sure if you’re relieved or nervous. A mix of both. "I didn’t expect it to happen like this, especially here." He looks around the cramped stall, a small smirk playing at the corner of his lips. "Neither did I. But… it’s not the worst place, I guess."
You roll your eyes, half-smiling. “So… what now?” you ask, the question hanging in the air between you. He pauses, clearly thinking it over. Finally, he looks at you, his gaze steady. "I don’t know. But I don’t want it to be a one-time thing." You can’t help but smile, a warmth spreading through you. "Neither do I."
💘: thank you so much for all your support on my storiesss!! i didnt expect anyone to like them, so thank youu!!!🥹💕💕 ill get to the rest of the requests soon, im currently busy w school so itll take some time, thanks for your patience🫶
#enhypen x reader#enhypen smut#niki smut#niki x reader#enhypen fanfic#niki hard hours#niki hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#niki fanfic
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Dragon Malleus headcanons
You're used to how he looks in his two-legged fae form. Everyone is, honestly. But the thing is, that's not really how he truly, originally looks like. And though he knows his form of flesh is just as much of who he is as his origin, there are times when he undergoes some sort of withdrawal; a primal need to be back in the skin he was molded in. So he would occasionally spend a few days living his life as a gigantic dragon.
He doesn't particularly like being in his dragon form. He knows he's glorious and takes pride in that, of course, but it's just that it's so inconvenient. He can't fit in places. He can't grab things. He can't make gargoyles. He has to eat an entire town's worth of food just to not be hungry. But most of all, he can't really feel.
He's extremely durable. He's already impervious to damage in his humanoid form, but even more so as a dragon with walls and walls of the hardest material on Twisted Wonderland permanently attached to his body. Which is great, of course-- it's essential to his survival, but it comes with the caveat that no matter how much you touch him, no matter how much you try to show physical affection towards him, he simply cannot feel.
But there is one part of him that's soft. Something that isn't covered inch to inch in scales. His tongue.
So what best to take advantage of this little weakness than to cover you head to toe in slobber, of course?
Take note that him doing so doesn't imply anything malicious (unless you want to, of course). It's just that it's so easy to feel your presence by licking you. He can touch you without accidentally hurting you. And, as much as he refuses to admit it to avoid sounding like a pervert, being able to smell your familiar scent gives him a tender comfort. A sense of welcoming even in this world that refuses to welcome him in his rawest form.
But being covered in slobber isn't exactly the best feeling in the world. When you tell him that, the... fins on his jaw draw back, and he plants himself on the ground; snout partially buried behind his curled claws. Dragons aren't particularly expressive, but you can safely guess that he's feeling guilty of bothering you.
So you offer to help him find somewhere else to touch. He's a bit hesitant-- it seems dragons don't like the idea of exploring their weaknesses, but he agrees because it's you.
And would you look at that. He can feel you when you vigorously rub his belly. The feeling isn't really as detailed as his tongue's, but he can feel something. And it feels rather... Rather... Relaxing. He's huge though, so from your perspective it's like washing a car, but with exaggerated movements as a stroke from your height's head to toe is like scratching a spot for him.
It's tiring, but you persist with the power of love.
So this becomes a habit for you. When he transforms into a dragon, he would ask you to rub his belly, or ask for your permission to be licked if you don't look like you're in a bad mood that day. All of this is done somewhere private, of course.
So when someone would walk in by accident... And witness their prince rolled over like a dog, getting petted on his tummy... It goes to say that the dragon would be gone in a flash; replaced by a very angry, very threatening unit of a man very politely asking the intruder if he saw something. Of course the answer is always "not a single thing, sir!".
You laugh, and ask if he wants to continue with what you were doing. He sighs, refuses, and says he's not in the mood for childish amusement anymore.
"But... I can think of other, more enjoyable things we can do together."
And so the dragon, now in his villainous, irresistibly devilish form, whisks his prisoner away to a place no one knows.
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I’ve successfully completely broken a mutual of mine and it has been so fun
I’ve talked about @the-kennel-keeper on here a few times but I think I really need to display the whole picture.
He started out like most of my followers, a puppy boy anon in my askbox that had a massive crush on me, but I had happened to follow his account along with like 10 others that were in the trans nsft tag when I first made this blog. He sent me an anonymous ask about realizing I followed him and how it got him so exited but he spam liked me like right before he sent it which made it exceedingly obvious who he was. That little pathetic mistake that was rip for being made fun of was the first thing that got me interested and his general tendency to accidentally humiliate himself or be easily tricked has remained extremely adorable. He finally dm’d me some message about how much he loves my blog since he wanted my direct attention and he did one of those ask games where one of the questions was like “who’s your tumbr crush?” and of course I asked him that one anonymously.
Surprise surprise he says me and at that point I’d sort of gathered too much dirt on him to let it go to waste and I really didn’t even try. We flirted, he talked about how he was only submissive in an extremely defiant, bratty way and how he basically can’t be tamed which just made him all the more alluring of a target for me. He did act like that for a while, but I built up to this perfect demeaning message where I revealed both of my little secrets on him and he just had no choice but to give in. The message ended with me telling him that I own him and I managed to get a “Yes ma’am” in response. He got so worked up that night that he finally got himself off after not being able to for months. I think that’s when I truly gained control over him.
Since then I’ve been slowly training him more and more. Learning exactly what gets him flustered and makes him tick. He started being more obedient, begging on command, singing my praises. A month or two later and the progress is undeniable. Hes cum for me a total of ~10 times (probably more than that, he couldn’t remember the exact number at first but I let him round down) 5 of which have been in the last 24 hours. He volunteered to send me audios of him jerking off and praising how good he’s been trained, he responds “yes ma’am” to basically every command I give him.
I know him so well that I can make him kind of shut down and give in from just a sentence or two of dirty talk. I mean I really pushed him today and yesterday and he couldn’t help but get himself off several times while recording it for me.
This man genuinely thought he was untamable, before talking to me he hadn’t even cum in months, but I’ve taken real good care of my new mutt. Thoroughly corrupted him into my perfect toy. Sometimes I even give him dirt on me just to give him a fighting chance but he’s so pathetic it doesn’t even matter. He’s had sex dreams about me and has chatted with me while around his friends, desperately trying to keep his composure.
So I’m starting a counter in my pinned of how many times he’s cum while thinking of me. It’s only fair I get to show off my hard work I think. We can all enjoy seeing how fucking pitifully submissive my mutt is.
And you can be jealous of him while that number ticks up because I know there’s a lot of you that’d kill to be in his position.
Exited to see how fast I can get keep the number increasing.
#trans nsft#t4t nsft#mtf dom#mtf nsft#ftm nsft#ftm ns/fw#ftm sub#ftm puppy#t4t petpl@y#gooobraghhh text
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Do you think that Scaramouche would've made a good lover if he had fallen in love?
(cw: kinda toxic relationship, self sabotage, light angst & not proofread/edited.)
Think about it. His tongue is sharp and unforgiving. He wouldn't hesitate to jab hurtful words onto your mind, he wouldn't have a second thought to spout nonsense just for the sake of it hurting your feelings or getting on your nerves. But you were patient. You thought he could atleast be tolerable if you understood him on a deeper level.
You've told yourself multiple times- if you maybe understood him, he would be more softer and much more gentle to your feelings and thoughts. Maybe you would get why he was acting that way, why he was harsh to those around him.
But loving him had sacrifices you were pressured to make. It wasn't simple as a calm sunny day, and being with him was never a walk in the park.
Loving him meant that you need to be patient. That you need to wait until he felt safe around you, that you needed to slowly build trust just so he could feel comfortable around you.
And the worse of it all? You needed to understand what he was thinking, and if he truly wanted to be with you.
You weren't a mind reader. You could never understand him when he chooses to push you away, but then pull you back in soon after.
You never understood why he would be distant most of the time, but then be vulnerable while he's holding you in his arms. Opening up to you about his doubts and worries while the night was still young, both of you sharing warmth to contrast the cold air.
Eventually, there comes a point in time where his doubts and fears were much more terrifying than anything. How fear would plague his head everyday- taunting him that you would leave him. Mocking him for laying his heart out to you.
But despite your efforts, he wouldn't utter out a word to you.
Scaramouche isn't one to open up easily, instead he bottles his feelings up until they end up cracking and spilling- until they end up burning you in the process.
Communication was never his strongest suite. It never was and you knew that.
But for him you try your best to be patient, be strong just for him. To be someone he could cry to, someone he could trust.
If only it was easy.
"I can't understand you. One moment you're distant, then the next you're looking for me."
You told him. You wanted to be honest, to let him know how you felt. You tried to be close to him, to read him like an open book. But it was as if he wasn't allowing you.
He was quiet as you talked to him. He was looking for the right words to talk to you, to tell you what was on his mind. But he was never good with words.
"Don't be an idiot, you shouldn't worry about such trivial things. They only plague your mind for no good reason."
To him, it was to protect himself. If he pushed you away, you wouldn't be able to hurt him. And he wouldn't be able to hurt you.
But you persist.
"I just wish I could read your mind. To know why you're so..harsh. And I wish i knew if waiting for you was worth it."
Silence were shared between you as he took in your words. He always thought of himself, always thought of how he could be shielded away from pain, from betrayal.
From the mistakes he had made.
"..Do you think it was worth it? Loving me unconditionally despite everything?"
You didn't answer instantly. You hummed as you thought of his words deeply. It struck something within you, a question you never truly thought of.
Was every effort you put into the relationship worth it? Even after the times he would push you away?
You looked at him. A soft smile on your lips as you averted your gaze down.
You didn't have a proper answer. But you knew that you'd wait for him. Even if it hurts you at the end. Even if you had to sacrifice everything just so he could call you home.
"I just want you to love me, the same way I loved you."
(A/N); "lmao I couldn't post for a bit coz I was forced into cheer and had my body hurting for a few days 💔 also tell me why everytime I write for scara I have such good ideas but I HATE the execution. Doing a req next tho <3"
#genshin x reader#genshin angst#genshin impact#genshin x you#genshin impact x reader#angst#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche x you#scaramouche#wanderer x reader#i lowkey hate this#fics#light angst
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5 WAYS I LOVE YOU — HAN YUJIN
synopsis how yujin fulfills all the 5 love languages towards you.
p bf!yujin x reader g established relationship, yujin being lovesick, pure fluff, not proofread. w 52O
link to navi — PLS REBLOG !
acts of service
tying your shoelace ──── han yujin would suddenly go down on his knees to tie your untied shoelace, you didn’t even notice it was untied. he’d tie on a little bow on it and stand back up, walking and acting like nothing happened.
picking up your stuff ──── sometimes you’d forget to get your ipad from your room, or maybe you left your bag in your class. no matter, yujin would go grab it for you so long as you’re the one who needs help. he’d inconvenience himself as long as it makes you happy.
physical touch
interwining your hands ──── one thing you’ve learned about yujin is that he avoids physical touch. he allows it from time to time from his friends, but overall he’d show his discomfort towards it. so it was to your surprise when yujin started holding your hand whenever you two walked side-by-side. ‘i only like it when it’s from you, silly’ he says, looking away embarassed. you can only think about how adorable he looks.
playing with your hair ──── you could be sitting down on the couch reading a book and suddenly feel his hands raking through you hair. at first it alarms you, but as time went on, you were used to it. not even turning whenever you feel him ruffle your hair.
gift giving
small things he finds ──── often times yujin gets dragged into hangouts with his friends. and often times he finds a part of you clinging into everything he sees. a cute cat keychain he saw? he’d remember of your fondness towards cats and buy it without a second thought. a bracelet he finds in a shop he strolled through? gyuvin would have to pull him out of the store the next second to stop him from buying anymore stuff for you.
special occasion gifts ──── you always thought yujin’s insistence in buying you expensive things for your birthdays were going to be the bane of your existence. but soon finds out he’d buy you things for special dates too — valentines, your dating anniversary, christmas. you used to scold him for spending so much on you, yet knowing him, he’ll never stop. how can he? there’s no one else in the world he could use his money for except for his sweet girlfriend
quality time
study dates ──── it was ridiculous enough when yujin first offered studying together. you knew him. he had a really bad attention span and much more so whenever you were near. you didn’t regret it, however, you knew amongst classes and midterms you were both bound to be busy. besides, you loved hearing your boyfriend talk about whatever was in his mind, its always really refreshing talking to him. not only because the way he seemed to be so expressive but also how active he is in trying to make you feel included in everything in his life.
sport dates ──── he fascinates you sometimes, truly. it’s not that you don’t know much about yujin, you expect him to have told you practically everything from his life with how much he talks to you in a day. sometimes it’s that yujin forgets to tell you some other things or thinks some parts of him are insignificant to talk about. apparently being able to play basketball is one of them. yujin was behind you, guiding your hands above you as you hold the ball, eyes on the net. when he gives you the sign, you jump and throw the ball. for the first time for the whole evening, you made a goal. yujin beamed at you, hugging you like it was your win as much as it was his.
words of affirmation
comforting you while you cry ──── rare are the times where you let your guard down around anyone. you didn’t find the need to show everyone how sad you were because you don’t like when people pity you. so, when one day yujin finds you curled up into a ball sobbing your heart out it was, if anything, shocking to him. yujin approached you slowly and let his arms slide up and down your back in comfort. he was silent the entire time, letting you have your peace without having someone ask you why or who made you feel like this. that’s what you love about yujin. he makes you feel like home.
supporting messages ──── whether it was an exam or a competition you had, yujin didn’t care. to be honest the only time he isn’t physically there to give you support is when he’s forced to be elsewhere (more like dragged). yet distance can never seperate you, especially if han yujin is in the equation. the amount of loving and supporting messages he’d send you would be uncountable. if time lets him, he’d even call you — an excuse to see your pretty face. he’d wish he was there with you and give you so much flying kisses until you were filled with warmth and love. you reckon waiting for him to come back home will feel longer now.
TAGLIST | nets— @k-nets
#zb1 x reader#zb1 x you#zerobaseone x you#zerobaseone x reader#han yujin x you#han yujin x reader#han yujin fluff#yujin x you#yujin fluff#zb1 yujin#kim jiwoong x reader#seok matthew x reader#kim gyuvin x reader#zhang hao x reader#park gunwook x reader#ricky x reader#shen ricky x reader#kim taerae x reader#sung hanbin x reader#jiwoong x reader#matthew x reader#gyuvin x reader#hao x reader#gunwook x reader#taerae x reader#hanbin x reader#matthew x you#zb1 hanbin#zb1 matthew#zb1 taerae
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being geta’s betrothed and catching lucius’ eye!
Amor Fati | Lucius Verus Aurelius
plot: high status fem reader (betrothed to Geta) x Lucius the boy who saw who she truly was
use of roman lingo/historical terms, angst, not entirely canon accurate, death and violance
translation of amor fati: love of fate
Word Count: 3923
a/n: thank you so much for the request i was so excited to write this!! I did my best to also write a bit more "Roman"! Enjoy!
The sun beat down on the emperor's box. Only so much the velarium could do to prevent the sun's rays from entering the little room. You leaned forward in your seat, and closer and closer, you crept to the railing. You wanted to feel more of the sun; it was the only time of the day you were allowed outside the palace, and you wanted to enjoy every bit of it.
Once the sun hit your face, a sigh escaped your lips, and the tension in your body fell. The warmth and heat of the sun made everything feel better. You knew Geta would scold you any minute for the act, but you could care less.
Your imprisonment in the palace started a year ago when your father, an elite senate member, said you were to be married to the emperor. Apparently, the emperor was looking to the senate members for marriage offers; your father was the first and only one to stand with one. Your face fell at the memory of him coming home and telling you to pack your things and leave for the palace. You screamed yourself that night, fought every way to that place, and didn't even spare a glance at the emperor before you were shoved in your room with the door locked behind you.
You sat back at the memory, wanting to leave it in the past. You couldn't change your fate, the one you were forced into. You had always hoped you wouldn't be one of the women thrown into an arranged marriage by their fathers, but here you were. While you and Emperor Geta were not married, you knew it was coming soon. A shaky breath left you at the thought. Geta was not a terrible man, but he wasn't a good one either. You could see his rage and ambition, and it scared you the way he ruled with it.
You looked to your left and saw Geta sitting on his throne with a plastered smile. It was a wicked one. You shrunk away at the sight. You wished for nothing more than to be rid of him and this role. The more you ponder, the more you lose track of the world. It wasn't until Getas's voice spoke up next to you that you blinked back to reality.
“Why is that gladiator looking at…you” Geta said, casting an aggravated look down towards the pits. You turned your head towards the gladiator in question. You felt as if lightning struck you when you locked eyes with him. For that tiny moment, you felt as if all that mattered in the world was him. This brown-haired blue-eyed gladiator smirked at you, making your heart beat even faster. A slight blush crept up your cheeks. You looked away before anyone noticed and before the heat in your stomach could intensify. Geta eyed you suspiciously before returning to the games and seemingly forgetting about everything. You let out a slow breath that you didn't realize you had been holding. You often wondered how many times a day you forget to breathe when around Geta, always worried about being anything other than perfect.
That night was filled with another lavish party, and you tried to keep a smile and content look on your face. You glanced towards the arches on the far side of the room that led out onto the streets of Rome. People passed through them as they entered the party, coming and going. You wished you were one of those people, able to come and go as pleased. You knew you had to wait till night when the empire slept before you could creep out onto the streets. The furthest you had made it in one night was past the gates, watching the sunrise over the hills towards the countryside. You were back in your room by sun up and complained of feeling ill to get out of leaving your room for the day. Those days when you could be yourself at night and explore were all you looked forward to.
As the night grew late and their parties died, you bid farewell and went to your room. You were overlooked as you left; the emperors were occupied with their own girls. Thoughts swarmed your mind. ‘this would not be how your night ended’, you wanted to see the gladiator that caught your eye. You stopped momentarily before a smile crept onto your face, another perfect outing. You slipped your way out of the palace and onto the streets of Rome.
The Colosseum loomed ahead of you, drawing you in. You walked through its halls, which were quiet now in the late night hours. The only noise could be heard from the Ludus, where the gladiators lived. You walked inside, the cloak around your neck and head protecting you slightly. The men eyed you curiously, some recognizing you from the emperor's box. Ravi, the gladiator's doctor, walked over to you.
“I see your adventures have taken you here,” he said lightly. Ravi was one of the few men you had come across on your nightly walks that were kind and enjoyable to converse with. You nodded your head at the man.
“After much pleading from you and the electrifying eyes of a gladiator, I was drawn here,” you told him honestly. Your voice steady as you spoke to him
“Someone catch your eye,” Ravi said, laughing a little. He motioned you to follow him as he showed you towards their dining area. “Not much longer will they be here.” Many gladiators were still enjoying the company of others while eating the rest of their final meals of the day. You glanced around the room, waiting for him to catch your eye. You glanced out twords the training grounds in search of him. There he was, training for his next day in the arena. You walked over to the walkway's edge, carefully watching from afar. When he heard your feet as they drew closer, he glanced behind him. His eyes met yours, and the same electrifying feeling was sent through your body. The man dropped his sword and marched over to you.
“Noble women should not be down here,” he told you, eyeing you up and down. His hands reached out and threaded through some of the fabric of your dress. “Or did you come here to boast about your position”
“I am not one to boast,” you told him. His eyes were finally brought back up to meet yours. “I am only here to…meet you.” The sweetness in your voice dripped like honey, drawing him in like a bee. The man before you could practically taste the sweetness of your voice.
“Hmm,” he hummed. “I am not interesting, my lady,” he said with a deep accent. It made your knees feel weak hearing it from his lips. You both stood in each other's presence, neither wanting to move or break the moment.
“What is your prenomen?” you asked the gladiator before you. He glanced down before returning his gaze to your face.
“Hanno,” he said, “my lady”
“I do not need the formality,” you told him, “y/n will do.”
“y/n.” It rolled off his lips with ease and sensuality that you almost felt yourself lose composure. Hanno was nothing like the man you had known or knew; he was something else entirely. “The guards call for me now, I must leave you.”
“I will pray for you tomorrow.” Eagerness filled your voice with the promise.
“I do not need your god's help,” Hanno's words hung in the air, “your presents is enough.” with a sweet smile, he left twords his cell. You could tell he held a lot on his shoulders.
As the night turned to day, golden rays warmed the earth. You rose from your bed, the night's events playing in your head still. A smile played on your lips at the thought of seeing your gladiator fight. You waited for your gladiator to file into the arena. As he did, a small smile played on your lips.
“Minerva, let his sword be true,” you whispered. The wind picked up momentarily, brushing past Hanno; they heard your prayer. He fought true and won his battle, Rome was pleased by his winning. Hanno looked up at the emperor's box and smiled at you before showing his sword. He was showing you his praise, the rest of the box saw this as an act of respect for the emporos. You knew it was only for you.
You simply watched Hanno behind shadows as he trained for the next few days. He knew you were there, but no words could leave your lips around him. Your heart hammed in your chest as you watched him train, or fight. Your growing infatuation was making your life complicated.
Geta strolled into the palace library, seeking to find you. You sat in the far corner, immersed in a book.
“My beloved,” he said, a smile on his face. “Why have you abandoned your duties” “Geta… ”you signed; this was a conversation you did not know how to have. “I…” “Answer me,” the emperor before you commanded you, not the man you knew he shielded himself from.
“I had a moment of weakness not fulfilling those duties.” you told him smoothly, “I shall resume them.” “Good. As the woman I am to marry, you must show me you are loyal.” “As you wish. My Geta,” you told him. He smiled before he kissed your cheek and left the library. The breath you held was released, and you let the book in your hands fall to the floor. Tears fell from your eyes again. Geta was never cruel, but his words cut deep to you like a knife. Those words of duty and obligation stung like a bee. You were haunted by the duty and life that was forced upon you, something inside you wished to flee. Your maid rushed to your side, plying your hands from your face to wipe the tears that fell.
“Shhh, mistress,” she whispered, “you must not cry in these halls, ears and eyes everywhere.” You wanted only to be held but knew the status between you and the older woman before you forbade it. She held your hand at the sad and pleading look in your eyes for some motherly support.
“I…do not want this role,” you whispered.
“I know, miss. I know. You must please the emperor, or he will punish you,” she told you, “I see him punished. Cruel man.” A small cry fell from your lips; the idea of seeing who he is beyond the Geta you have seen scared you.
Those next few days, you did as asked and never left Geta’s side. You made your smile look like jewels to Geta and the others in his company. You did everything right, making Geta lose his interest in seeing your complacency. As the days turned to weeks he slowly lost his interest in you, your complacency, no signs of love, he turned back to his women he had hanging off his throne.
It was not until a few days later that you visited Hanno in Ludus. You slipped into his cell. He turned from the wall he faced to find you lifting your head to meet his eyes.
“You are back,” he said, walking over.
“Yes,” you were firm in your answer before you deflated. “I needed to escape.”
“Escape? From where?” he asked, motioning for you to sit in the small bed he had been given. You shook your head, not ready to tell him of the life you know others would grab for.
“Why did you look at me that way in the arena?” You asked him. He glanced up at you.
“You should not ask that,” he said softly.
“I will ask. Hanno, I need to know,” you told him, almost pleading with the man before you to tell you why he had a slight look of love and familiarity in his eyes.
“Your eyes. Your smile. Reminded me of my wife who passed,” he told you, interrupting your voice. “I felt a connection, and I wanted to…I wanted to be with you, see what it was”
“I am sorry about your wife” you said in response. “I too...wanted to be with you”
“You have the emperor.” his voice was still tired as he spoke. Reminding the both of you of the obligations you were given.
“I do not love him. I do not wish to be with him,” you told him
“Then why are you?” he asked, curious about your life.
“Not my wish. My father sold me to him…I fought that night to not go,” you told him, words turning from anger to sadness. Hanno's hand landed on your knee. The callouses felt good against your soft skin. Your eyes met his.
“We are both here not of our own will,” he told you, filling your soul with understanding. You sat with Hanno for a while before bidding on your goodbyes. You looked back at him when you left; love looked back.
The next time you visit was when Hanno sat outside on the training grounds. You watched the sun sink lower and lower into the horizon.
“Why do you keep visiting me?” you glanced back twords the man beside you. Those tired eyes filled with more life as the moments passed.
“You see me,” you told him, “no…obligations are required when i am with yo.u”
“What else?” he asked, knowing there was more behind your words.
“You are the only one to see me, truly see me,” you told him, “not as some senator's daughter or the emperor betrothed…I do not have to be perfect when I am with you, I can just be”
“You are simply y/n,” he told you, “you are yourself; you are not defined by your father or your position.” “I wish that to be so,” you said sadly. The weight of your life and position felt like the most significant challenge you had. You knew he understood; you could feel your souls connecting more and more.
“I escaped my position long ago,” he said quietly, “I fear after returning to Rome, I must soon take that position again.”
“May I ask what position?”
“In time,” he told you, smiling sadly. You nodded, understanding the desire to hide parts of himself. To be seen was intimate, and he was not yet there. You placed a hand on top of his, causing his eyes to lift to yours.
“I am here whenever you wish to tell me more…But I must go before I am looked for” you told him. You stood, still holding his hand, he turned it to grasp yours. He smiled a sad tired smile. You nodded your head as a bid goodbye and left his side. The walk back to your prison had never felt so cold and lonely before.
It was days beofre you went back, knowing your visits were drawing more eyes on you than you intended to. This may have to be your last one for quite some time. As you walked to meet with Hanno, he grasped your hand.
“What is wrong,” you asked him. Tired, scared, and anxious eyes looked at you.
“You should not have come.” “What? Why?” you asked worried
“There is…a plan happening, and your being here will put you in danger.” “Hanno. What plan?” you glanced behind you twords the other cells and guards.
“Remember I told you I left my position here in Rome,” he said, causing your eyes to lock back in with his. He has his hands on your arms, keeping your attention on him. “I do.” In your response, you looked into his blue eyes hesitantly.
“This position…was the prince of Rome. My name, my true name is Lucious Verus Aurelius.” “You…Lucious?” you asked he smiled something unique. Recognition with his name when it came from your lips, like that name was meant to be spoken by you.
“Yes. Y/n” “I cannot believe it”
The night was spent with him retelling his history to you and the stories he lobed in the colonies across the Mediterranean. He spoke of the people, their beliefs, and the difference between there and Rome. The world beyond Rome's white marble sounded divine. You were swept up in his stories, his eyes, and the lips that kissed you before you left the cell.
“Lucious” “Promise you will keep yourself safe,” he asked of you, forehead on yours. Red lips speaking to you.
“As safe as I can be,” you told him, knowing that the gods would only decide your fate. Another kiss from the man-made your world spin again. As you left, a smile played on your lips back to your gloomy home.
“Where have you been my betrothed?” Geta asked you as he came walking down twords you. He plucked the book from your hand, causing you to face Geta.
“I have been here,” you told him. His eyes track your every move. He kept looking at you, disappointment was evident.
“You lie to me. Your emperor,” he told you, a scrolling voice filled the library. Your maid backed away further into the room.
“I…” you stuttered, unable to find your voice for a reason.
“You think it does not know about the escapades you partake in?” Geta asked you gesturing to the world outside of the palace. Your head hung low. Worry filled your head, scared he may be the man everyone fears he is. Cruel and unkind.
“I shall show you why you do not mess with me,” he said. He took your arm in his hands and dragged you away. You looked back as you were pulled away from the library; your maid wept at your leaving. As you looked forward, tears slowly fell from your eyes. That moment you knew would come of your desire to be outside the palace had come.
You walked out onto the emperor's box landing. There you stood, chained and beaten. Tiny droplets of blood had dried in the corner of your mouth, your cheeks were bruised, and your hair had seen better days. There were minor cuts and bruises along your arms that were not covered by the dress you were strapped in. Once in the stands, the people around you could see. You glanced down at the pits, knowing that when Lucious came out of those wooden gates and saw you, he may try to do something he shouldn't. The crowd grew loud in the stands, many not knowing why they stood in chains. As those mighty doors opened and Lucious stepped out you wished to scream to him to run. A whimper escaped you when he faced you, the other gladiators entering faded into the background. You watched his face contort with anger; your eyes pleaded with him not to do anything.
“Is this what Roman emperors do? Is this how they treat their women?” he yelled out.
“It is what we do with women who are unfaithful,” Geta responded, a coolness about his tone and words. You were pulled towards him, crashing into his body. He held your arms and chains tight in his hands. You wanted to cry, scream, and beg someone to set you free. “We must show them that whoever they choose to be with instead of their betrothed…must be killed”.
“No…no, please,” you whispered, begging around the cuff of your neck. You tried to turn to Geta to beg him to not hurt Lucious, but when you looked, your throat closed. He was looking at Lucious, already figuring out what man you had been seeing. The viscous nature of Geta, which you had heard so much about, was finally presented to you. You looked back twords Lucious, those tears you tried your best to hide slowly fell down your cheeks.
If only you could know how Lucious felt in that moment, watching you be made a villain by the emperor, watching you chained and without freedom. He felt what you felt, every last emotion.
Geta pulled at the chains around your neck to take your eyes off Lucious. Tears now streamed down your face. “You would rather a gladiator, a slave, than me”, he screamed. His face is red with anger, and he looked at you.
“Yes,” you responded, eyes moving to try and look twords your gladiator. There, Lucious stood proudly watching you as you told the man who had taken you from your home and told you were to marry him without any freedom that you had your freedom to love. Lucious moved closer to the box.
“You should let her go,” Lucious said, “You do not own her.” Many in the crowd started cheering for him, their favorite gladiator. Geta looked stunned by the words leaving Lucious mouth. He looked at the crowd, which was turning into a mob of people yelling twords the emperor to let you go free. The archers around the walls turned onto the people, unsure what to do. Geta himself looked clueless.
“I am your emperor,” he shouted, “my words and actions are permitted by the gods.” “Maybe your gods, but not mine,” Lucious yelled, angling his sword to be thrown twords the box. As he looked into your eyes, you saw the sea's calm. You released all tension in your limbs and focused just on him.
Everything changed, however, when General Acacious stormed into the Colosseum with his army. It was as Lucious had said; his family had planned something. The entire might of General Acacius' army stood in the Coliseum, and the emperors looked down in horror. Geta was now lost more, and it looked like he wanted to run. That's when the gladiators in the arena charged twords the emperor's army. No one was allowed to choose a side or talk before fighting erupted. Geta let your chains go; the weight pulled you down a little. You picked them up, allowing you to see the chaos around you. With all the men and swords, you lost sight of Lucious. Before long, one of the guards aimed a sword at you, and you looked at him wide-eyed. Before he could do anything to you, a sword burst from his chest; the guard looked down in shock before he collapsed. Lucious stood behind the man, proud and angry. The day's emotions caught up to you, and you collapsed into his arms.
“It's alright now,” he spoke to you. The clashing of swords and loud voices filled the space around you. “I am here now.” You looked up into his eyes; a small smile danced on his face.“What has got you so happy?” “You. Saving you and being able to do that…”You could tell that he was finally able to save someone, someone special, and healed something inside of himself. He smiled at you, bright and happy. Freedom never looked so good, especially since freedom meant being with Lucious. As the fight continued in the arena, neither of you were concerned.
#lucius verus x you#lucius versus x reader#lucius verus x reader#lucius verus#gladiator x reader#gladiator ii#gladiator 2#gladiator movie#paul mescal#gladiator ll
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If Snow Decides to Fall
7. “Something to celebrate.”
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has liked, commented, or reblogged this story. I truly didn't imagine it gaining this much traction. I hope all of you continue to read. Anyway, a LOT happening in this chapter, so I won't take any more of your time;)
Chapter Warnings: pregnancy, smut, explicit language, references to alcohol abuse, misogynistic language, explicit language, mental health struggles
Taglist: @marihoneywk @amarawayne @chimmy-licious
Back to Chapter Index
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Fuck.”
His grunt was muffled against the back of your neck. Unable to help it, his fingers dug painfully into your inner thigh, which he was holding up to give him a deeper entry. His seed burst into you as you both moaned.
This was you way of celebrating your first morning waking up next to each other, with you fully moved into the apartment. This was your home now, your bed.
“I love you.” you exhaled.
Spent, Jimin pulled out of you and kissed your temple, “I love you too, you little minx.”
His hand smoothed over your hip to find rest ok the side of your belly. At almost twenty weeks, you were definitely looking pregnant.
A faint smile drew across your face, “Hormones, or whatever.”
“Mm,” he kissed your neck again, “Glad I could satisfy. You’re so fucking hot like this, baby.”
You laughed and turned your head so you could kiss his lips slowly, the world slipping away for a moment. It could now only be you and him, locked faithfully together with your unborn child nestled comfortably within you.
True, there had been some bumps in the road with your argument, the Namjoon situation, and with your parents, but the two of you were breaking through all of that. Your relationship felt stronger and better than ever before.
When your lips parted, he sighed. You read his mind immediately, with the trip to LA looming over both of your heads. The flight would be early the next morning.
“Don’t go down this road again,” you whispered, “Doctor Yoon gave it the green light, and pregnant women fly every day. Plus, I won’t be alone. Chae will be with me.”
“I know,” he spackled his worries over with a grin, “It’s a very long flight, though. It’s going to feel so uncomfortable for you and I don’t want it to affect your sleep. Lack of sleep can raise your blood pressure.”
You giggled a little bit, adoring how much he cared for you . You sat up and scooted off the bed so you could head into the bathroom, “Countless things can raise my blood pressure, Jimin. Now why are you the one getting all worried, hm? You were the one who told me not to be concerned. Doctor Yoon approved this trip, and she would have said something if she was worried about my or the baby’s health.”
“You’re right, but do me a favor for my own sanity?”
“Hm?”
“Tell Chaeyoung about it,” he pleaded, “That way, she will be able to look out for you when I’m not there. It would make me feel a lot better with not being able to watch you like a hawk.”
You would be with her for most of the trip. For PR reasons and to avoid rumors, stylists were always flown separately from the boys.
You picked up his boxers off the corner of the bed and threw them at his face, “If that’s what will get you to relax, then fine.”
He chuckled as he balled up the underwear in his hands. As you disappeared into the master bathroom, he decided he wasn’t done toying with you. Smirking mischievously, he rolled out of bed and followed you.
You were brushing your sex-knotted hair in front of the mirror. The changes to your body were immaculate in his eyes. The fullness of your breasts and belly was so maternal. It created some kind of spiritual beauty that he’d never imagined. He adored how you had a little extra cushion on top of your hip bones and in your face. Your hair was silkier. Even your lips were a bit puffier.
And to top it all off, his cum was leaking down your legs.
As you brushed, he stood behind you, drinking in the sight through your reflection in the mirror. His hands cupped around the bottom of your bump, lips planting on your shoulder.
“You are the most stunning creature I’ve ever seen.”
You yawned deeply, putting your plastic hairbrush down. Your head fell back to rest on Jimin’s collarbone, eyes closed.
“And the most tired.” Jimin chuckled, kissing your jaw.
You grinned with a hum, letting him sway you gently, “Getting fucked at twenty weeks pregnant can be taxing.”
His low chuckle was another octave below normal, as it was the morning, “You asked for it sweetheart. Don’t think I don’t know what it means when you shift your ass against me like that.”
“You were asking for it,” you giggled, rubbing your belly along his hands, “Your morning wood and the way you held me tighter was quite the tell.”
The two of you stayed like this for a minute or so.
“At least it’s Sunday. You have all day to recuperate.”
You gently broke free of his hold and went to jump in the shower, “Not entirely. I haven’t packed a thing for this trip."
She was folding her boyfriend’s boxers and sorting them into a small pile on his bed. It was in her nature to offer assistance with things like this whenever he had a lot on his plate.
Namjoon finished whatever emails he had to send and made his way into the bedroom to contribute to the stuffing of his own suitcase. He paused in the doorframe and crossed his arms, letting his back rest against the post as a smile crept onto his face.
She was beautiful even performing the most mundane of tasks.
“Hana,” he sighed, “You really don’t need to be folding my underwear.”
Her round, dark eyes met his with humor, “I know. I guess I just wanted something to do.”
He could have sworn she became more endearing every day. With a laugh, he removed himself from the doorframe and went to crouch on the floor beside her, beginning to fold a pair of pants.
“Should be a fun trip.” Hana said.
Namjoon drew in a breath and spoke it out, “Yeah…should be.”
She pursed her lips, trying to appear amicable to his perspective, “You don’t need to pay her any mind, you know. You could decide to simply go away on business with your closest friends in the world and be content.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, his hands pausing all motion, “As a friend, that’s impossible.”
Hana rolled her eyes. As much as she adored the man beside her, she was beginning to wonder how correct his speculations were on this matter.
“Joonie, I love you, but this grudge of yours seems to be getting you nowhere. If you can’t be in close proximity to this woman, why on earth did you agree to that get-together with everyone?”
“That has nothing to do with her. I just miss being around the guys like that. I don’t intend on so much as speaking to her.” his tone reeked of bitterness.
She rubbed his shoulders, “What happened to the wise Namjoon? This is unlike you. I hate to say it, but I can see why this has grown a rift. I don’t believe you are being reasonable.”
Her tone was so gentle that it couldn’t possibly stir anger.
He continued to fold his clothes and pile them into his suitcase, “I can understand how it appears that way, I really can. But baby, you weren’t there when Seoyeon broke his heart. I have never seen a man so shattered. Jimin has always been a sensitive soul. And though he’s strong, I fear that another incident like that would break his spirit irreparably. He can’t handle that again. You weren’t…you weren’t there, Hana. He was drunk all the time, he stopped caring about anything, saying really…worrying things.”
He'd never mentioned it before - the episode. It was one of the worst moments of his entire life. Flashes of that dark morning ran through his mind, causing him to wince.
Her heart dipped, “I see. But, she pulled him out of it, right? She showed up and he’s been happy ever since.”
Namjoon bit the inside of his cheek, his tone dropping, “I see what you’re saying, and I even agree. I don’t deny that she makes him happy.”
“But…You’re trying to get him to give up on his happiness.”
“He was happy with Seoyeon too, Hana.”
She stood up, heading into his closet to grab some socks, “What evidence do you have, beyond mere speculation? I know you said she apparently she's told people that the father has wealth...but you don't know for sure that it's even true. Even if it is, are you sure that proves your theory?"
He groaned, "Why are you pressing so much? And yes, I believe it gives me a reason to be worried for Jimin."
"I don't think so." she muttered.
Namjoon huffed, turning his head to look at her, "Well I do."
"I think-"
"You're the world to me, baby, but I don't care to know what you think right now."
She ignored his warning, plopping some pairs of socks into his suitcase, "I think that at this point, you simply want to be right. You have dug your heels so deep that it's no longer about reason. You just want to win."
Now a heat began to rise between his ribs, "If 'winning' means that my younger brother doesn't go past the point of no return, then yeah, Hana. I want to fucking win."
The young woman softened. Her resolve to go to battle weakened once she realized there existed a story untold. Instead, she knelt beside him, looping her arms around his tense neck.
She kissed his cheek, “I’m sorry.”
He let out a breath and pulled her in for a quick hug, “I am too. And maybe I’m wrong. I just can’t risk feeling comfortable with her right now. I’m the only one in the group with his guard up. Until there is proof that her intentions are genuine, someone has to be vigilant.”
Hana grinned sympathetically, pushing some of her highlighted brown hair behind her ear,“You’re a really good friend, Joonie. But maybe the lack of any wrongdoings is the proof, you know? If she was really going for fame, she could have gone public a long time ago. You said they’ve moved in together, right? And still nothing?”
It gave him pause.
“Yeah, they have.”
She landed one final thought before the topic would be dropped, “Try to open your mind just a little bit, hm? If you want to be a good friend, then you also need to be prepared to be incorrect. Otherwise, you might miss out on something really amazing happening for Jimin. For all of you, really. One of you is going to be a father. If Y/N isn’t some gold digger, then this is good, right? Something to celebrate.”
Your knuckle was firm around the handle of your wheeled carry-on. You were waiting in line to show your passport so that you could then proceed into the security area for bag checks. Chaeyoung had texted you that she'd gotten out the door late and that her husband would be dropping her off in a short while. You didn't blame her - she had her twins to care for and say goodbye.
You were dressed in your most comfortable clothing possible, without overheating yourself on this humid first of September. The top you had on was Jimin's - an indistinguishable plain white t-shirt. He'd owned it for years and it came from a non-designer brand. It had a couple holes along its hem and a small tear on the right sleeve.
This new stage in your gestation had you growing out of your normal clothes, and almost none of your tops fit. For bottoms, you had a pair of black biker shorts. These were the only real maternity wear you had thus far, accommodating your swelling bump well enough to not make you feel suffocated.
Standing in line gave your mind time to wander. You thought about how you’d bid your boyfriend farewell at the apartment. You had to be at the airport earlier than he did. A small smile came to grace your features as you thought about his gentle touch, the way he held you and kissed you, making you feel secure as the most important person in his life. How he got on his knees to give the baby a kiss before you went out the door, his hair wet and slicked back after just getting out of the shower.
Any reminiscing was cut short by the sound of a young woman’s squeal. It was soon followed by a swarm of others, and a rush of quickened footsteps in one direction. As everyone else in the waiting line did, you lifted your head to see what the commotion was about.
You should have known.
Behind and enclosed by their security guards, the members entered the airport. They were closeby, but you could only faintly catch a glimpse of Jimin before a group of people gathered to block your view.
People were clambering to see them, buzzing past you like a flock of birds. One young woman, blinded by the frenzy, ran into the back of your shoulder, barreling you forward.
Unable to catch yourself on your suitcase, you fell to the white terrazzo floor with a thud that no one could hear above the screaming. Thankfully, your body’s protective motions kicked in and you landed on your palms first, giving yourself a split second to reinforce yourself on your knees, guarding your belly from impacting.
The woman who was standing behind you was quick to come to your aid. She had long espresso hair and bangs, dark eyes filled with concern, “Oh gosh, are you alright?”
She put her hand on your back and the other held your forearm as she helped you to your feet.
“Yes, I’m okay,” you said with a raised voice so she could hear you, “Thank you so much.”
You hadn’t noticed you were doing it, but your hands were on your bump, making it more apparent. It was as if you were trying to soothe your mind, or your child, or both.
The woman glanced down, “Oh, I didn’t even realize. Are you out sure you’re alright? I can call for the medical staff to check you out.”
You offered a nervous smile and waved your hand, “No, no I’m okay. I appreciate it, though.”
The woman’s eyes were in your torso for a moment. Then she sighed, placing her hand on her own abdomen, which was rounded unmistakably. She looked further along than you were.
“No worries. We have to look out for each other, don’t we? BTS shows up and suddenly no one cares about running over a pregnant woman.”
You laughed lightly, “Yeah, apparently so.”
The line began to move a little, and you both shuffled forward where you could.
“So how far along are you?” she asked, her tone oozing with a honey sweetness.
“Twenty weeks.”
“Halfway,” she chuckled, “I’m Twenty-eight.”
Your brows raised as you gladly engaged her, “Wow. You look great, by the way.”
She beamed, “Thank you. Believe me I don’t always feel that way, but I’ve been assured that it will be worth it.”
It was a pleasure to be able to relate to someone like this, “Same. Is this your first?”
The woman nodded.
“Me too,” you sighed, moving up in the line once more, “Anyway, where are you traveling?”
“Los Angeles,” she said, “My husband is wrapping up on some business there. We’re going to treat this as something of a babymoon.”
You giggled, “I am too! Not for a romantic getaway, though. For work.”
“Oh, how funny,” she laughed, “Let’s grab a decaf together then, as we wait to board. Takeoff isn’t for another hour or so.”
You were the next person in line now, waiting to be called forward by one of the security officers to show your identification.
“I’d love that,” you smiled, “I’m Y/N, by the way.”
She nodded her head, “Seoyeon.”
It took all willpower to not appear shocked and slightly horrified.
Your mind made every attempt to rationalize so you wouldn’t freak out.
Perhaps this was a coincidence. There was certainly more than one woman with that name. She didn’t have to be that Seoyeon.
You feigned a smile, pointlessly hoping that somehow Jimin or Chaeyoung would come and whisk you away from her.
“It’s nice to meet you, Seoyeon.”
“Next, please.”
The security officer’s voice rang out, calling you up.
You turned away from her and all traces of contentment disappeared. You went slightly pale as you approached the desk, taking out your passport to show.
The officer examined your identification and instructed you to look into the face scanner. Once you were clear, you took off into the next zone. Your mind was spinning as you took off your shoes and put them and your bag into bins. So much that you didn’t hear the airport personnel calling you up when it was your turn to step into the body scanner.
When you were through security, you sat on a small bench and jammed your shoes back on, which was tricky with your feet being as swollen as they were. Seoyeon was right behind you.
She sat on the bench next to you to put her own shoes back on, smiling, “At least after all the waiting, they take you through quick.”
You mustered up a chuckle, “Yeah.”
The pair of you got up at the same time, a couple of pregnant women feeling uncomfortable for varying reasons.
“Come on,” she said, grabbing her bag, “There’s a coffee shop this way.”
Reluctantly, you wheeled your carry-on after her. A part of you wanted to decline, and another was curious to know if this was really her. Was this really the woman who’d broken Jimin’s heart? The one he’d been in love with for longer than he’d known you?
Chaeyoung had mentioned that she ended up marrying a wealthy man, and this woman was dressed in fine clothing. Her suitcase was designer, but that didn’t confirm anything.
You just wanted to know.
You ended up sitting down at the coffee shop with her, ordering yourself a decaf iced latte. Sitting across from her, you got a much clearer view of her face. She was gorgeous. Aside from nearly perfect hair and a flawless complexion, her lips were a pretty bow shape, stained with a nude rose color. Her eyes casted a twinkle. She even smelled lovely, like jasmine.
“So,” she sighed happily, removing the paper wrapping from her straw while glancing at your shirt again, “You said you’re going to LA on a work trip. What do you do?”
You had no idea how to answer. If she was the Seoyeon and you told the truth about your job, then maybe your answer would trigger a response in her to give you confirmation. Then again, would you want to share that information? You were meant to be discreet, and certainly in your situation, you were in no place to be risky.
You used taking a sip of your coffee as a means of buying yourself time to think of a response.
“I’m in fashion,” you said after swallowing, “There’s a shoot I’m working on.”
She seemed intrigued, “Wow, that sounds amazing. I once envisioned myself going into a creative field like that. But I’ve been around the industry a bit and I found it…challenging.”
Though still lacking one hundred percent certainty, that comment didn’t help her case. You came closer to believing it was her.
You took another sip of your cold, bitter drink, “Did you? How come?”
“Ah, it’s not important,” she waved it away with a laugh, regaining a sense of nonchalance, “Just isn’t my scene. I mean you saw with BTS coming through here. It’s pandemonium, chaos.”
You raised your brows, “Yeah. Anyway, what do you do?”
She hummed as she sipped on her drink, “I work at my husband’s firm, but I will likely stay at home after the little one gets here.”
Her husband’s firm. You recalled Chaeyoung saying she’d married a CEO. One step closer.
The more it sank in that this was likely the woman, the further the pit in your stomach dug.
“That’s nice,” you nodded, “I’m doing the same.”
“My,” Seoyeon’s eyes were on your collarbone, “We seem to have a lot in common, don’t we?”
You smirked, masking your rising repugnance, “We do.”
At last, your saving grace arrived, though it was awkward as could be. Chaeyoung appeared and spotted you. Her beaming smile faded slightly when she saw who was with you. Despite your own discomfort, you had to play it off as if you had no idea who you were talking to. Your coworker never told you the name of Jimin’s ex. If you gave any indication that you had connected the dots, it could raise suspicion in your friend. You should have had no way of knowing.
“Hey!” she approached you both, “So sorry I’m late. Have you been waiting for me long?”
“No, not at all.” you said.
The woman sitting across from you seemed to recognize her.
Her face was pleasant as could be and she looked at Seoyeon, and then back at you, “Do you two know each other?”
"We just met," you said while glancing across the table, "This is-"
"Seoyeon," Chaeyoung nodded, bowing to her politely, "I remember perfectly. Um, I don't know if you remember me..."
She nodded, "Ah, yes. I do recall your face. You're a stylist, correct?"
Your colleague affirmed, "I'm Chaeyoung."
Then she seemed to put the pieces together, looking at you while sipping her coffee again. When her lips parted from the straw, she grinned at you with a dimmed enthusiasm, "Oh, so you're a stylist too. The same company?"
You both nodded in reply, and her eyes grew a hint of skepticism. She knew you were with BTS, and that you knew her ex. But she didn't know the half of it, and that gave you the upper hand.
"I see," Seoyeon trailed off, unlocking her phone, "Oh! I didn't realize the time. I forgot to mention that my husband is expecting a call from me."
Then she rose from her chair and grabbed her bags, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Y/N. And to see you again, Chaeyoung. Please excuse me."
"Of course. It was nice to meet you as well. I hope you have a great babymoon." you bid her farewell.
With her coffee in hand, she left the cafe area and started in the direction of the gate. Then Chaeyoung sat down in her place, her expression changing to one of flabbergastment.
She put both of her palms down on the table, "Okay, first of all, I'm sorry I'm late. The twins were cranky and I had trouble getting out the door."
You smirked, "It's fine."
"Second of all," she wasted no time in lowering her volume, "That woman is Jimin's ex. The one I told you about."
You pretended to be surprised, though you knew it in your gut already, "Oh, shit. But I thought you said she was a total...well, bitch. Honestly, she was very kind. We started getting acquainted after she helped me up. She seems nice."
"Wait, you fell?" Chaeyoung's eyes were full of concern, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. It happened when the guys showed up, actually. There was a bit of a scuffle and I got shoved," you shrugged, "Anyway, that's not the point. Funny enough, she's going to LA too."
Your friend looked disturbed, "Right...We may have to give the company a heads-up."
You almost choked on your cold beverage, "What? W-Why?"
"Just out of precaution. Y/N, this person came close to blowing the lid on their relationship and causing a giant press nightmare for the boys. I'll never forget how torn up Jimin was..."
You looked down, "I understand that. But why would she pose a threat now? She's married, she's having a baby of her own. I feel like she's moved on by now. Plus, she was clearly intimidated by us. You saw how she got up and walked away. We made her uncomfortable, maybe even ashamed. I know she probably brings back bad memories, but it's in the past."
You were conscious of the fact that you were partly trying to convince yourself, but you also felt that it was logical. Seoyeon wasn't who she was back then. She was a married, pregnant woman who seemed to have no time to get involved in drama again.
Chaeyoung sighed, "Well I guess for my own moral clarity, I'd still like to notify someone. They'd rather have all the facts, you know?"
There was a pit in your stomach, "Yeah, I suppose you're right."
You finished your coffee before you realized, sipping away nervously as you thought about how you would break it to your boyfriend. If she told Management, they'd certainly give him a call.
To your right and across the wide hallway, there were the giant window panels with a view of the tarmac. A smaller jet roared as it glided down the pavement, lifting off the ground in a tilt.
"That's probably them," Chaeyoung said quietly, "The boys."
Lost in thought, you nodded, voice low, "There they go."
The flight was halfway over. His thumb and his index finger kept rubbing together subconsciously. He was unable to sleep, though weary.
He shifted in his roomy reclining seat. It could turn into a makeshift bed, if wanted. Many of the other members, or at least the ones he could see, had taken advantage of this luxury feature. Some light snoring could be heard - Namjoon’s, but he was sitting on the opposite end of the cabin. The two men still were hardly speaking, even when in close proximity.
Taehyung was nearby and awake, scrolling mindlessly on his phone. His face reflected the light of his screen, as the cabin was dark. It was nearing dusk, still plenty of light outside, but all the windows were shut to allow for better sleeping conditions.
Alert and bored out of his mind, Jimin checked his phone once again to see if you’d replied to his texts. He knew better, aware that you probably put your phone on airplane mode, but couldn’t resist. However, when he saw no reply from you, he sighed and decided to open the window next to him. Perhaps watching the skies could occupy his thoughts for a while.
Taehyung heard his sigh from across the aisle and looked over.
There was never mistaking Jimin’s inner feelings, especially with this second youngest member. Only a couple months apart in age, their bond had always been unique - rocky at times like siblings, but overall especially linked.
The younger cleared his throat and said quietly, “Talk to me, Jimin. What’s up?”
He looked over with a pained expression, not even bothering to conceal anything, “I’m sitting here, on a private jet. With so much space in my seat that you could fit two of me. I can recline and stretch my legs. I could even press this button here and the chair will vibrate on my back.”
He looked around to make sure that no flight attendant or outside individual was nearby. Luckily, their security guards and the attendant were sitting on the other end of the plane, out of earshot.
Jimin leaned closer and lowered his voice, “Meanwhile, my pregnant girlfriend is flying commercial, probably uncomfortable as hell. It just feels so wrong. I should have pushed for her to be onboard with us.”
Taehyung chuckled, “You know why you couldn’t have done that. Then, we’d have to have Chaeyoung as well, and there’s no room.”
“It’s not funny, Tae,” his brows furrowed shaking his head out of annoyance, “We found out at the ultrasound that her blood pressure is too high. If she doesn’t sleep or eat well or keep her stress down, it could be dangerous for both of them.”
His bandmate’s face softened, as did his tone, “Oh shit…I’m sorry, I didn’t know. But she was given the okay to travel anyway?”
Jimin sighed, “Yes. It was more of a warning, not an immediate risk. I know I’m kind of being irrational. If the doctor said it’s fine, then I should trust that. I’m just worried is all.”
Taehyung grinned a little and reached across the aisle to put his hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle shake, “Well I think that probably just comes with the territory of being an expectant father. It would be concerning if you weren’t worried.”
He nodded, “That may be true, but that does nothing to change my guilt about her comfort. If anyone should have a nice, cozy place to sit for this long journey, it should be her.”
“I agree with you, I do,” the younger said with more reservation, “But it just had to be this way, unfortunately. Y/N has proven she’s tough going through all of this. She’ll be fine and when you two get home you can spend all the time you want doting on her.”
The thought made Jimin chuckle as he leaned back to his original position in the seat, “Actually, she wants to spend time decorating when we get back. She brought all of her wall art and fake plants with her. Safe to say I think my apartment is about to undergo a feminine transformation.”
Taehyung laughed in return, “Nothing wrong with that. You barely decorated your place to begin with. It could use some wall art and fake plants and shit.”
“And throw pillows,” he laughed quietly as he thought of you carrying in that giant black trash bag full of them, “So many pillows…”
The other shrugged, “Eh, let her make it what she wants. Make the place more homey before the little bundle of joy gets here. You have a nursery to build too, my friend.”
His head his the back of the seat, “I know. So much to do. We haven’t even discussed names yet.”
“You still have months for that.” Taehyung said.
There was a silence that fell between them, both daydreaming for a moment. Jimin pictured what was currently a guest bedroom transformed into a nursery, perhaps painted a different color. Toys littering the floor. A crib along the wall with a mobile hanging overhead. A small, precious new person tucked safely in its confines. He couldn’t stop envisioning a baby girl in a pink onesie.
“You’re so ooey-gooey,” Taehyung chuckled, “Looks good on you.”
He shrugged, but he couldn’t contain his smile, “It’s been a lot, but thank you.”
*The next day*
Your alarm went off, and you were already awake from the hunger. You got in late the night before and found a small bite to eat, but you were still ravenous.
Hotel breakfast would begin in half an hour, giving you enough time to shower and refresh. After breakfast, you and Chaeyoung would head over to the site of the music video shoot and get to work.
Stepping out of the shower, your phone was vibrating on the sink counter. It was Jimin. You felt guilty when you saw his name appear, having missed a call from him last night. You were just too tired.
You picked up, “Morning.”
His soft, hoarse morning voice brought you comfort, as always, “Hey. You alright sweetheart?”
“Hm? Oh, yeah. Just exhausted.”
“I am too,” he said, “How was yesterday?”
“Fine," was your answer out of habit, but then you remembered the news you had to share with him about the person you met, "Actually, um, there was a slight hiccup of sorts. I, uh...I got pushed."
You chickened out, squeezing your eyes shut and putting a hand to your forehead as soon as the regret hit you. He had to know - the company would inevitably reach out to him once Chaeyoung explained it. Though you knew it was best to be the one to tell him, it was unbearably awkward, and you didn't want to add more stress to the pile. It would mean opening a whole new can of worms.
What Jimin heard was more than enough to send him into a tizzy, "What? Was it deliberate? Were you hurt?!"
"N-No," you stammered, "It happened while you guys were entering the airport. That rush of people. Someone blew right by me and knocked me over. But I'm alright. I landed on my hands and knees.”
You heard him let out a long breath, “Oh, good. Y/N, please don’t scare me like that. You know I already feel bad about not being with you.”
A pang of guilt jolted in your chest for avoiding the truth, “Sorry, I know. Um…I guess what I’m trying to tell you is something else. After I fell, a woman helped me up. She-”
You heard the sound of a door in the background, followed by a muffled voice.
Jimin muttered something before getting back to you, “Shit, baby I’m going to have to let you go. We need to head down for the overview while they are prepping the set. Um, we’ll find a minute to talk there, okay?”
“Oh,” you stiffened, “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you there soon.”
“Great, eat a good breakfast, hm? I love you.”
You pulled a subtle smile, “I will. Love you too.”
Once you hung up, there was no reason to do anything other than get ready for your day. You took care of your hair and makeup, and put on whatever clothes that would fit you and permit you to look the least bit presentable. Then, you grabbed your purse and went down to meet Chaeyoung for breakfast.
The morning was pleasant with her. She made little to no mention of Seoyeon - just talked about the shoot and the baby. It had been a while since she checked in with you.
She forked a bite of scrambled eggs, “So, how is everything? You just had your ultrasound, right? All good?”
You smiled as you chewed, “Yep, all good. And no, we didn’t find out the gender.”
She laughed, “That was going to be my next question. I’m intrigued that you used ‘we’ instead of ‘I’, though. Care to explain?”
Her smile was for lighthearted gossip, so it didn’t bother you that much. You’d gotten used to lying to her face.
“Yes, the father was there,” you sighed, sitting back in your chair, “He missed the first one and really appreciated being there for this one.”
“And did you appreciate him being there?”
You grinned, “Yes, as a matter of fact I did. We get along…And I think he will make the most incredible father.”
Chaeyoung subtly pointed her index finger at you, “I’m detecting a blush on your cheeks. You’re really into this guy, huh? Do I get to know his name now?”
You giggled to hide your dismay, “Once again it’s a no. I told you, he’s private. Maybe I like him too much to disregard his wishes.”
She teased, “Oooo, alright I can get behind that. I’m sort of jealous of you, actually. Having a baby, enjoying a fun little love affair. And on top of that, you’re traveling across the world. You’re killing it.”
You nodded and smiled, but your spackle job crumbled. Bit by bit, your pleasant expression faded, and then soured. Your heart was racing. Your gut was churning. Tears pricked your eyes and you gulped, all while maintaining a nodding motion of your head.
It was all railing you over at once.
Your secret relationship with one of the most famous men in the world. Your unexpected motherhood. The friend of your partner who hated you. Your probable job loss. Your parents who weren’t speaking to you. The ex girlfriend who had re-appeared like some cruel joke from the universe.
It hardly came out as a whisper, “Y-Yeah.”
Chaeyoung’s lightness dropped immediately. She leaned in, concern plaguing her features, “Hey…Hey, what is it? Did I say something?”
A tear rolled down your cheek as you shook your head, reaching for your napkin so you could dry your eyes, “No. I’m sorry, I’m okay. I just…It’s been difficult at times. And on top of all of it, the OBGYN gave me a warning about my blood pressure. It’s been elevated and I feel like it’s just been one more thing to worry about.”
Her hand found yours, “I get it. I’m sorry, I should have known. I should have remembered that feeling, when everyone is so happy and excited that you’re pregnant but you feel like complete shit on the inside.”
You forced a short-lived grin, “Yeah, it’s hard.”
If she only knew.
Chaeyoung patted the back of your hand a few times as she leaned to her side, apparently digging for something in the purse that lay by her feet, “I was going to save this for another time, but I guess now’s as good as ever.”
She pulled a small, thick book out of her purse and set it on the table, “For you.”
You picked it up, sniffling, “A baby naming book.”
The sweet woman smiled softly, “When I felt overwhelmed carrying the twins, a little escape would always help me. I found that going through all the names in this book was a comfort. I got to forget about all the hard stuff and focus on my babies. What their names might be. Who they might become. Only the good stuff. Maybe give it a shot?”
You wiped another tear and smiled, grateful to have a friend, “Chae…This is so kind. Thank you so much. This probably doesn’t come as a shock, but I haven’t started thinking about names yet.”
She shrugged happily, “Well you will now. It’s fun.”
You both finished your meal and ordered a ride to the Los Angeles Theatre, the set of the music video.
“Holy shit,” Hoseok smirked, bobbing his head as he checked himself out in one of the building’s ornate gold mirrors, “You guys did amazing with the looks. Wow.”
You and Chaeyoung laughed, watching all the guys look at each other’s clothes in delight. They were all dressed and made up, waiting on the director to give them the signal to begin filming.
Jungkook, who was in a corset, was particularly pleased, “Yes. Chef’s kiss, ladies. Thank you. They match the venue perfectly.”
Chaeyoung murmured in your ear, “I wish my waist was that fucking small.”
You covered your mouth as you giggled, “Mine certainly isn’t.”
Even Namjoon seemed content, joking here and there with Yoongi. Ironically, his was one of your favorite outfits of all. It was a black suit with a simple yet bold cargo detail on one side, a satin band to highlight his torso. Nothing highly elaborate, but cool. Complete with lug-sole boots, it was the perfect mix of debonair and rugged.
While the others goofed around in the spare time, Jimin approached both of you stylists. It was the first glimpse of him up-close since you said goodbye at your apartment the day before. He looked beyond words, hair dyed a bluish black for this concept. It was the first time in a while you’d seen him with anything other than his natural hair, but he pulled almost anything off.
He bowed slightly as he greeted you, wishing he could bring you into his arms instead, “Thank you both. How was your flight?”
Chaeyoung crossed her arms, “Ah, you know. Awful.”
You elbowed her gently and reassured Jimin, “It really wasn’t that bad.”
Your colleague rubbed your back, endeared by your fib, “Says the one who is five months pregnant. It’s alright to admit it sucked.”
You shrugged a little and looked at your boyfriend, “Alright it did kind of suck. I had to periodically get up and take walks up and down the aisle, just to stretch. I was able to sleep a bit, though. It was just a lot of sitting.”
You knew that would ease his concern a level.
“Speaking of sitting,” Chaeyoung said, craning her neck to either side in search of something, “Let’s find you a chair, shall we? Being on your feet for long periods will increase your blood pressure, girl.”
Before you could say a word, she was off to find something for you to sit in. Jimin looked quite pleased with this. He inched closer to you and grinned, “Thanks for telling her like I asked. She’s a good friend.”
You nodded, “She is. She also gave me a baby naming book.”
He chuckled, “Ah, so when we get home, we can talk about names while finding a way place for the million throw pillows you brought, hm?”
You laughed, narrowing your eyes in jest, “I would love that actually, thank you very much.”
A comfortable silence arose between you two. He just took you in, dressed in jeans and a short-sleeved black top that likely wouldn’t fit in a matter of weeks.
Maybe this was the time to tell him. You didn’t know when Chaeyoung aimed to get in touch with the company, but you doubted she’d wait very long.
You checked your surroundings quickly before muttering, “Jimin, I-”
Then a deeper voice called to him, “Hey.”
Both of you looked to find Namjoon, the members filtering away to the filming area behind him. His hands were in his pockets, eyes switching between you and Jimin for a second. Even a brief stare from him was intimidating. Then he cocked head towards the set, “We’re starting.”
Jimin’s eyes went cold, but not bitter. He nodded without a word before turning to you once more, “Sorry, really quickly, what were you going to say? Is it what you wanted to tell me earlier?”
You froze for moment, locked in a dilemma. You hated to let it slip by again, but you had to. It could wait until the end of the shoot.
“Uh, nothing,” you grinned, “Later.”
He agreed reluctantly, “Alright. Go sit down, please.”
Then he went off to join the guys. The shoot commenced right on schedule. For a while, you and Chaeyoung sat in the background, watching them perform to a much more contemporary choreography than normal. The song was called “Black Swan”. It was beautiful and artistic - and Jimin was perfectly in his element. He sank into his craft wholeheartedly, fluid and precise with every movement, right down to his finger tips.
Watching him do what he was born to do made you warm inside. You were proud of him, while also relieved that he had his performances to escape the chaos. It was like his character disappeared, and he took on a new persona. He was freer.
In between takes, you and Chaeyoung would refresh their looks wherever you could. They would film certain parts of the choreography in different places. Each setting called for different looks, and it was your job to help them get settled quickly.
At one point, they were directed to take shoot both still shots and parts of the dance at this grand staircase. The wardrobe for this setting consisted of black suits with black, reflective rhinestones in varying places.
You divvied up the task of lint rolling all the jackets. You and Chaeyoung went through each member with haste, to a point where the only two left were Jungkook and Namjoon. She went in the direction of the youngest member before you could, leaving you to handle the one you wasn’t particularly fond of you.
Maintaining your dignity and a sense of security, you approached him as you would anyone else.
Jimin was subtly but dutifully observing from a distance.
You smiled at the tall man, who was blonde now, “Hey.”
He offered a congenial grin in return, “Hey.”
You felt so pathetic, rolling the sticky paper down his sleeves.
“How are you, uh, feeling?” Namjoon asked.
You didn’t know if he was trying to be genuine or if he simply didn’t want to deal with an awkward silence. Caught off guard by the remark, you took a moment to answer in a hush, “I’m alright. I appreciate you asking. How are you?”
“I’m doing okay,” he said, biting the inside of his cheek, “Look, I don’t know if this is the place, but I’m sure you know what’s been going on between me and him.”
You glanced at Jimin. He was leaning against the large and gorgeous post of the staircase, now with a fire in his eyes. His head was tilted slightly downward as he glared at the situation unfolding before him. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but he could see something was off-kilter. If Namjoon was about to try anything with you, he’d have hell to pay.
You started to lint roll the back of his jacket, “I have heard, yes. It’s…That’s not what I want for you guys.”
“Me too.” he lamented.
The real regret was palpable in his voice. It made you pity him, in a way. It reminded you that he wasn’t truly a good man, with a good heart.
Namjoon continued, “I realized I never gave you the chance to defend yourself. So I’m asking you now, Y/N…Do you, in any way, have bad intentions towards Jimin? Do you seek notoriety out of all of this, even the slightest bit?”
Your stomach was in a coil. In one respect, you were glad to have been given the chance to speak for yourself, but it was such an unexpected move on his part that you fumbled for an answer.
You took a deep breath and let the words out as confidently as you could, “I do not and have never thought so lowly of him that I would deceive him like that. My feelings have always been real. That is the truth.”
He was quiet as you went about your work. When you finished, he nodded to you and walked away to go join the guys.
You knew your boyfriend was still looking at you, searching for your eyes to know if you were okay. You avoided his gaze, feeling somewhat dirty. It was odd - you had told Namjoon the truth, but you felt shameful that someone really felt the need to ask you that.
You tore the used lint paper off the roll and crumpled it in your hand as you and Chaeyoung reunited off-set. You sat back down on your collapsible chairs behind all the crew, fading into the background once again.
As the leader of the group climbed the staircase to his position as directed, Jimin grabbed his wrist. It looked like a gentle hold to everyone who might have been able to see it, and he was mindful to keep a composed demeanor. His face was totally neutral.
He and Namjoon shared a look. You noticed and prayed he wouldn’t start anything.
From afar, you watching Jimin crane his neck the tiniest length to one side. His lips didn’t move. He just wanted the other to see his expression. He wanted him to know he’d seen that little interaction, and he wasn’t happy.
The tense moment was over in a couple of seconds, and they went back to performing for the camera.
Well into this portion of filming, Chaeyoung nudged your arm and whispered to you, “What were you and Jimin talking about?”
Your heart dropped, “Nothing. Just joking around. You know how he is.”
She sounded apprehensive, “You didn’t tell him about Seoyeon, did you?”
Timidly, you replied, “No.”
“Good,” she sighed, “I wouldn’t want him to know that I told you about her. Oh well, he will be getting a call from Management sometime today, most likely. I told them early this morning. Don’t worry, you’ll be safe. They know you had no way of knowing who she was.”
You nodded, “Right…Thanks for doing that. H-How do you think he’ll take it?”
She shrugged, pursing her lips as both of you watched the guys go about their routine, the song playing in the background, “Honestly, I don’t know. He’s been really great without her. But this is going to come out of nowhere and it might stress him out. It's just a little mess.”
You looked at your shoes, “Yeah.”
You and him kept sharing periodic eye contact throughout the rest of the shoot. It was like he was monitoring you, and you could only assume he’d demand to know what his bandmate had said to you during that little rendezvous.
Each time his eyes floated over to yours, your heart would ache. You held so much adoration for this man. The lengths he would go in order to care for you were more than you could have imagined for yourself. He didn’t just want you to be happy - he chased after it.
You put your hand on your belly, letting in the bond. A part of that wonderful man was growing inside you. His legacy and yours.
As your thumb stroked up and down, you felt a light tapping from within.
It was here, finally. The child in your womb was moving with enough force for you to feel it.
Tears welled up. After everything, this baby was growing strong. Your world had been turned upside down. You’d been under more duress than ever in your life, yet your child was healthy. You were both soldiering through it all.
You closed your eyes, relaxed in your chair, and smiled as the taps continued.
Chaeyoung caught this. While she was grinning, she was confused, “What’s got you so gleeful?”
You looked at her, “The baby’s moving.”
Your friend shared your excitement as you peered back to find Jimin. He was focused on his work. You couldn’t help but think your little one was trying to dance with him.
The boys were celebrating in Hoseok's hotel suite late at night. They always did this after completing a music video shoot, which was no small feat. Someone ordered a few bottles of champagne to toast, and more drinks were bound to flow afterward. However, one could cut the tension between two of the members with a knife. Now it could finally be brought up, and Jimin wouldn't miss that chance.
As soon as the leader plopped down on the sofa, Jimin sat next to him.
The air between them wasn't hostile - just strained. It wasn't enough to deter any of the other members from having fun with one another. They hardly noticed at all.
Jimin leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs, holding a champagne flute in the middle of his legs. He simply sighed. Namjoon situated his right ankle on his left knee and let his posture relax and recline.
The younger of the two chuckled ironically, "Do I really need to ask?"
Namjoon smirked, taking a sip from his glass, "Did I chew into your girlfriend? Of course not."
"She looked uncomfortable with you from where I was standing."
"Yeah, well you were standing pretty far away."
"Namjoon," Jimin's teeth were nearly at a grit, "What did you say?"
The older let out a breath and shifted forward, meeting his eyes and softening his tone, "Out of fairness, I asked her if her intentions were benevolent."
No longer could he maintain his cool, but he kept his voice low, "What?"
"Yeah, I flat out asked her. We were being cordial, and so I just thought I'd give her the chance to speak for herself."
Jimin's tone was dripping with revulsion, "Well how very generous of you, Joonie. How very gracious. You showed her so much respect by asking her if she's a fucking gold digger!"
The raised voice drew the attention of the others.
He went on, "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Don't you realize that by asking her that question, you were essentially calling her that?!"
"Jesus Christ, you guys," Yoongi groaned, "What now?"
The infuriated man gulped down the rest of his drink and set the glass firmly down on the table in front of them. Then he stood up and looked at Namjoon, gesturing to the group with his hands with flaring nostrils, "Tell them, huh? Tell them what you just told me."
The man on the couch put up his hands in self-defense before calmly stating, "Today at the shoot, I asked Y/N if she has good intentions."
Several eye rolls and sighs came about.
Jungkook was almost as frustrated as Jimin, "What the hell, hyung?"
"That's a bit much." Taehyung remarked.
"I was seriously trying to be fair, okay?" the head of the group objected, "I felt bad that this whole drama centered around her has been happening behind her back. I wasn't trying to fucking intimidate her. We were talking like adults and I honestly thought it would be the right thing to do."
"You thought it would be good to ask our friend's pregnant girlfriend if she's only in it for fame and money?" Hoseok scowled.
"I'll admit that it sounds so much worse when you put it like that, but yes."
Jimin threw his hands up in his exasperation, “It sounds bad because it is!”
Jungkook came to his aid, patting his back to try to get him to calm down, “Hey, just relax. The yelling doesn’t help anything.”
“No, I’m fucking sick of his foolish, insane agenda! It was bad enough when you were saying these things to me, but now you go and take it straight to Y/N?! She’s carrying my child! She doesn’t need you and your ridiculous false assumptions cast down from up there on your high horse!”
This time, Jin tried to soothe the enraged member, “Alright let’s just take a breather, okay?”
He put his hands on his shoulders, but Jimin broke out of it immediately, “Stop acting like you know everything, Namjoon! Just because you are the leader of this group on paper doesn’t mean you are the fucking alpha! You don’t know!”
Namjoon couldn’t take it anymore. He shot up, “I know you, Jimin! And I knew you at your very worst! At your lowest! You don’t remember?! The day Seoyeon ended things, who was at your side?!”
Yoongi tried to stop him, “Joon, you don’t-”
“Who, Jimin?! Who checked on you every day, only to find you drunk and saying you didn’t want to live anymore?! Who helped you wash the bloodstains from your shirt after you broke a fucking fifth of whisky and cut yourself trying to clean it up wasted?!”
Jimin was still fuming, but speechless. He was just a tight ball of nerves.
“I did! I fucking did! I don’t ever want to see you in that state again and I won’t apologize!”
“SHE IS NOT SEOYEON!”
Just then, his phone began to ring. With veins popping out of his neck and a face red, he stopped.
Everyone was frozen, shocked by the outburst. They’d never seen him scream at anyone like that.
The phone kept ringing.
Aggravated beyond words, Jimin rolled his eyes, “Where’s my goddamn phone?”
Yoongi found it resting on the dresser against the wall. He picked it up and looked at the screen, eyebrows furrowing, “Uh, it’s Management…”
The anger slowly drained from his demeanor. They rarely called out of the blue, but when they did, it was almost never good.
Jimin calmed his breathing and pushed a tuft of hair out of his face, taking the device out of Yoongi’s grasp.
Everyone remained quiet as he answered.
“Hello?”
“Jimin,” a familiar manager’s voice came through, “Apologies, I know it’s late over there.”
“It’s alright. What’s going on?”
There was a brief pause before the reply.
“Seoyeon is in LA. And I’m afraid she met and spoke to the styling team that traveled with the group.”
#jimin x reader#bts#angst#fanfic#jimin#park jimin#romance#bts fanfic#bts fic#jimin smut#jimin fanfic#jimin fluff#fluff#bts smut#pregnant
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I wrote this post in a word document, and I named this document 'not got stabbed yet', so that's the theme today.
I mentioned someone was slashing my bike tyres in the park, and it happened two times in 4 days. I thought, you know, crazy park person was after me, and I need to stop going to the park with a bike, if I want to avoid this.
However, something else happened next. Something that truly chilled me. My bike tyre was slashed the day after, and I hadn't been to the park that day. Not even close. I've been to work, and then visited a store, for 5 minutes. Someone found my bike and slashed it either at my workplace, or at the store. Someone had to follow me to find it there. Someone knew where I worked and shopped.
The tyre had a very small hole, so it deflated very slowly, and I only realized it was flat after I got home. I didn't know whether it was slashed while I was at work, or at the store. I took the tube out to check it out, found no thorn or any natural signs of damage, and called the police again. I wanted to know if there was more reports of this happening.
This time I was in luck and got to talk to a police woman! So I was happy, and I was able to share more details, such as where, when, how many times it happened, she was willing to hear me out. However, she did not take it seriously. She told me somebody probably got offended that I parked my bike at the park, because it is 'the park', so they wanted me to stop leaving it there, and since the third time hole was so tiny, it was possible I just ran into a thorn. I allowed that it could not be ruled out, but it was incredibly unlikely since I was only riding it directly on the street, not any grass or branches, and I did not find a thorn inside of the tyre. Usually when I do run on a thorn, it will get stuck in the outer tyre.
I explained I was worried about being followed, and legitimately scared of going to work next day, but she said I can't shut myself in, I shouldn't be scared, I shouldn't let someone know they've managed to unnerve me with this! And I'm facepalming, thinking, what kind of girl power is this? Is a stalker gonna quit if the victim is not unnerved enough? Wouldn't that inspire them to escalate behaviour? I sighed and thanked her for listening to me.
There were no other reports, she couldn't even tell me if it happened before at all to anyone. I looked up online if there were records of it happening to anyone, anywhere, but only articles I could find were about mass slashing on one location, like one person slashing 30 bikes at once. It was never about just one person having it happen repeatedly.
I was thinking about what was the point of this, and decided if it's not a crazy revenge for something (and I don't know what, I don't have beef with anyone in the entire city), it has to be to stop me from using my bike. So I would have to walk. And be much slower. Much more easy to follow. And apparently I was already followed, if they managed to find my bike at my workplace. I was scared to go to work again.
To make things more interesting, I was at that point reading 'Career of Evil', which is jkr's book about a serial killer who stalks and murders women, and some of the book was written from the killer's perspective. This part helped me, because it revealed how it could actually be a bit difficult to attack a woman if she's only walking trough public places with people around, refusing to be out at night, refusing to go into dark alleyways or overcrowded bars and dance clubs. He couldn't do it out in daylight where there were witnesses. I had to stop and think whether this book logic could translate to real life, and if this holds out in reality. Can I protect myself just by being in open public spaces, in front of witnesses? Can I be sure I won't get stabbed if I stick to these rules? And I figured, yeah, that actually tracks, nobody will stab me in front of witnesses. And if I'm on my bike, it's harder to catch me. As long as I can quickly repair my bike every time and use it to get around, I should be safer than walking.
But I still felt unnerved about being followed, so I decided to go to work in a disguise. It was a different location and I didn't want to be followed there. I put together a jacket that was a different color than my usual one, put on a wig, different shoes, pants; it was obviously mismatched upon a close look, but if you saw me zooming by on a bike, you couldn't tell it was me.
Next morning, I nervously entered the workplace all costumed up, and people thought I was pulling a funny prank on them and were delighted. They insisted I stay in my new getup to show me to more people to get a laugh. They acted like it was the most fun thing I ever did. I played along, thinking how this is a convenient reaction, because I didn't want to take the disguise off immediately, for the chance that I'm still followed.
Later they asked me why am I in a mascarade, and I explained what happened. They then confirmed I'm definitely being followed, and started listing all cases where a woman got stabbed jogging or walking outside, which was just great to hear.
My bike remained whole that day, and I got home in my disguise safely as well. Now the question remained – do I stay home scared to go out all day? Do I just go around in a disguise everywhere? I needed to know why this was happening to me. And I felt sick of being scared and agoraphobic. So I made up a plan.
*
Later that same day, I went out with my bike in my usual outfit, bright and noticeable jacket, and my laptop in my hands. I went to the park. I carefully tied my bike behind where I was sitting, and opened up my laptop, which had a bit of tape covering the light from the camera. I was filming the bike with my webcam while I was on the laptop. It was almost obvious what I was doing, from the way I was sitting and leaning, but I was there to find out whether the tubestabby was a freaking idiot or not. Either he would fall for the trap, stab my tyre, get caught on camera, and I would know who did it. Or, he would do nothing while it's being filmed, and I could sit in the park, and do whatever I wanted to, safely.
My bike was fine half an hour later when I headed home, and I then had to review the footage, to see if anything happened. Bike was on camera the entire time, nobody came close to it, but also I was on camera, and while I was reviewing it, I had the crazy experience on seeing how my own face looks while I'm online, reading messages, scrolling trough tumblr. At first all I could see were my eyes moving left to right rapidly, I was speed reading, looking all scared and nervous because I did expose myself to a possible stalker and I was not having a good time. But as time went on, I saw myself breaking into smiles, because I had read something funny, and by the end of it I was just grinning and laughing, the internet humor broke trough my nerves and made me forget the fear. Tumblr is okay.
I was satisfied. I had been to the park, I wasn't stabbed, my bike was not damaged, and if I kept this up, I could be in the park and be safe by the means of obviously recording the bike. I can't do it at night time, as my webcam will not pick up a picture in the dark.
I'm not that spooked out anymore, I was freaked out when my bike was slashed the third time, and not even in the park. It is still scary that it's happening to me only, and I'm not targeted randomly among other people. And that it happened on a different location that nobody should have known I'd be on. If I catch the culprit it will take effort not to try and fight him immediately, because I am truly weak due to my impinged nerve and that guy has a sharp object. But he is a coward, destroying my stuff behind my back, never facing me and telling me what his problem is. I refuse to be scared of a coward with a sharp object.
#potential stalking situation#bike vandalism#being followed#crime mystery#personal#drama#the tubestabby#tubestabby saga pt 2
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Till death do us...
Emmrich Volkarin x reader (gender neutral)
Summary: You throw awkward necromancy pick-up lines just to see how he reacts.
Word count: 1.8k
Notes: I haven’t played the game yet so I’m sorry for any inconsistencies. Also, I need this man carnally.
~
Professor Emmrich Volkarin had endured many things through his lifetime—and seen even more. He’d also had his fair share of lovers and infatuations. You, however, were a different kind of experience.
You’ve been together for a while now, and yet you still found ways to leave him breathless and completely undone. Not always exactly by what you did to him in your bedroom...
Like, for example, this one time when Emmrich was summoning the spirit of the dead after Neve had asked him for help. You’ve been very observant throughout the whole occurrence—and rather helpful too. It was after Neve thanked him and left the library that you made a remark that almost swept him off his feet.
„You know,” you started as he made his way to one of the bookshelves, „I tried to summon a spirit once.”
„Oh, and pry tell, how did it go? Did you succeed?” Emmrich turned to look at you, there was a hint of pride in his smile.
You intertwined your fingers behind your back and slowly came closer to him, a teasing grin on your face. „Yes and no,” you said as you were finally standing mere inches from him. „You see, professor Volkarin, all I got was butterflies whenever you walk by.”
Oh, you got him. You got him good.
He stilled, his whole body frozen at your words. His eyes widened, and the smile dropped from his face. Your dear necromancer was stunned into silence, only able to look at you with those big, wide eyes. You could practically see the gears in his head moving, trying to process what you had just said to him.
He regained his composure, of course, but not before you could enjoy his panicked expression.
„Butterflies,” he repeated, clearing his throat in an attempt to regain some semblance of dignity. You could, however, see the faintest shade of pink creeping up his cheeks. Somehow, that made you smile even more.
„You truly have a way with words, don’t you, my dearest?” He paused, and you noticed his eyes softening as his gaze quickly flickered once from your eyes to your lips and back. „I must admit, that was the most charming way someone has ever paid a compliment to me.”
You hummed, clearly happy with yourself. Oh, and how well did that look suit you. Emmrich felt like he could be undone by just that alone—by just looking at you and at that smugness mixed with love in your eyes.
And then you placed your hands on his shoulders and climbed on your toes. His hands found their way to your waist on their own accord, as if there was where they belonged. You kissed him softly then. It was almost too short of a kiss for him when you leaned back a little bit and pretended to smooth the wrinkles on his shirt that weren’t even there.
„I’ll consider it a great achievement, then.”
You took a step back, getting just out of his reach. Emmrich’s hands fell away from your waist, his fingers aching to pull you back into his arms.
„You know, Emmrich,” you said turning back to him as you were leaving the library, „I think I quite like it when you’re speechless, so I don’t think I’ll stop at just this one.”
And just like that, you disappeared behind the door, leaving the necromancer alone, his hands clenching into fists.
Or this other time when you both were in your bedroom. You were sitting at the vanity table, thoroughly brushing your hair, and Emmrich was still deep in some research, scribbling notes at the desk.
You then put the brush away and turned to look at him, at how the quill in his hand scratched against the parchment. And an idea slowly bloomed in your mind.
„Emmrich?” You said, trying to get his attention. He hummed and knowing he’s listening, you continued. „Are we in a graveyard? Because my love for you is six feet deep.”
Emmrich’s quill stilled, and you heard him exhale slowly. He turned in his chair to look at you.
„Pardon?” He asked, and it was all you needed.
Your lips curled into a smirk, and you came closer to him. Your eyes were bright, mischief dancing in them.
„Oh, you heard me.”
A pause.
„I... I hoped I didn’t.”
You laughed then. A sound so sweet his heart fluttered and danced in his chest.
„I have some more of these, you know. Would you like to hear them?”
You sounded almost cheerful. And who was Emmrich Volkarin to take away your joy? So he just sighed and put his quill in the ink bottle. His eyes then returned to yours, waiting. You could sense the silent question in them: I love you, you are my everything, but also, why?
„Alright.” He said reluctantly. „Let’s hear it.”
„If you were a spirit, I’d let you haunt me forever.”
He chuckled despite himself. „This one was almost sweet, dearest.”
You beamed at him and his breath hitched at the sight.
„Oh, yes, I’m quite pleased with myself, thank you. But I can do better.” You cleared your throat. „Are you a necropolis? Because I’d love to get lost in you.”
Emmrich sighed again, but this time he also pinched the bridge of his nose. You, however, didn’t give him time to comment and immediately started talking again.
„I’d say you’ve put a spell on me, but honestly, I think it’s just necromantic attraction. You get it? Nec-romantic.” You winked at him, clearly delighted by your own wordplay.
„Darling—„ he groaned.
But you were already sliding onto his lap, your legs on either side of his. One of your hands found its place just above his heart, while the other started playing with the soft curls at the nape of his neck.
„I know you love me.” Your smile softened as his arms embraced you.
„Tragically, yes.”
You gasped dramatically with feigned offence, and pressed a hand to your chest. „Tragically? You wound me, my love.”
„I assure you,” Emmrich said dryly, „it’s nothing a little resurrection can’t fix.”
Your hand came back to its place right above his heart. You could feel it beating frantically beneath your palm and you grinned. „It’s good to see you getting into the spirit of it!”
His hands tightened at your waist. „Did I just— Did you just say—„
„Resurrection? Yes. In the spirit of it? Also yes.” You confirmed with a smug expression on your face.
He just stared at you, his mouth slightly open, as if he wanted to say something but didn’t really know what. He sighed and rested his forehead against your shoulder. „Maker, have mercy...”
„I don’t think the Maker will listen to your prayers, my love.”
You then took his face in your hands and kissed him, soft as butterfly wings. You were so gentle, it was almost cruel. Emmrich tightened his hold on you as if he was afraid you’d disappear. You wandered with your kisses; your lips brushed against his, then against the corner of his lips, then his jaw. You were savoring him, tasting him, like you had all the time in the world.
When you pulled back, Emmrich chased after you, whispering your name like a prayer. His eyes were dark and half-lidded, and his cheeks adorned a delicate flush of the softest pink. You brushed your thumbs over his heated skin, which earned you a shudder from Emmrich. Gods, you’d never seen a man more beautiful.
„So,” you said, a teasing tone returning to your voice, „do you want to hear one more?”
For a second, there was confusion on Emmrich’s face. But a second later he groaned and leaned his head back. As if that could stop you from completely undoing him.
„No.”
„Are you sure?”
You pulled him so that he had no choice but to look at you again. You almost laughed at his strained face.
„Yes.”
„...I think you’re lying.”
He took a deep breath and then exhaled sharply. When he finally spoke, you could tell he was already regretting this decision to indulge you.
„Fine. One more.”
You actually giggled like a child, preparing yourself to speak.
„It’s gonna be a bad one.”
„I’ve never ruled out that possibility.”
„Okay, okay, so... I bet you’re great with your hands.” There was a brief pause, but Emmrich only blinked. „You know, you handle bones all day, precise movements and all.”
Silence.
Even more silence, followed by even more blinking.
„Did you like it?” You asked, but you already knew the answer. You wondered if he was questioning his life choices right now.
Emmrich opened his mouth only to close it again, pressing his lips into a thin line.
„I—„ he paused, clearly flustered, and shook his head. „I’m not sure if I should be flattered or concerned, darling.”
At this point you couldn’t hold back any longer, and a laugh bubbled up from your chest. Your face lit up with joy and satisfaction. You leaned closer so that your faces were mere inches away.
„Oh, come on,” you teased, your fingers tracing shapes at the back of his neck. „You did like it a little, am I right? I mean, I’m just trying to... raise your spirits.”
You winked at your last words, and felt his fingers digging into your body. Not in a painful way, but in the way that told you to be careful with what you said next.
„Raise my spirits?” He repeated, tilting his head.
„Well, yes. Among other things.”
„My dearest heart...” You could almost hear the warning in his voice. Almost. So you kissed his lips, ready to deliver the final blow.
„What do you say we go to bed? I’d like to see if I can make you breathless for different reasons than my pick-up lines.”
Emmrich sighed deeply, almost resignedly.
„This is what I get for indulging you.”
You laughed, softer this time, and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. „Come to bed, Emmrich.”
„...Very well. But if I hear one more necromantic innuendo before dawn, I swear—„
But before he could finish you kissed him. Hard this time. There was a promise in a way your lips moved against his. Emmrich responded immediately, his lips parting slightly as if you were his god, for whom he was ready to sacrifice himself.
Without breaking the kiss, he lifted you, as though you weighed nothing. His arms wrapped around you, holding you close as he moved towards your bed.
„I love you,” you breathed between the kisses, your finger already working on the buttons of his shirt.
„I love you, too.”
Emmrich laid you on the soft mattress, his touch reverent. He placed his hands on both sides of your head and rested his forehead against yours.
„You are going to be the death of me,” he whispered. „And I fear I will go willingly.”
#emmrich volkarin#emmrich x reader#x reader#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#fluff#emmrich fluff#fanfic#datv#dragon age the veilguard#emmrich x rook#emmrich volkarin x rook
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@askstormscall
A bottle drifts to a soft fall in the library. Its weight is heavier than normal as if it was carrying something other than letter. Inside was a letter and a warm iridescent feather, its rainbow hue bright beneath the light.
"Dear Goomy, I am... not good at this! I have never made a letter before. You will be my first! I'm so glad I have met you at the party. You helped me in a way I would have never thought about. Mo'o says this was a best way to maybe reach you. I hope me and my brother will keep to work things out and I hope your days will flourish after helping me!"
*Cepheus was awfully confused by the bottle that had drifted in through the sky light in the library. Where has it come from? Why was it here? He gave a looked to Kel who shared the same expression. Seems they were not expecting anything like this to happen. The duo slowly approached it, getting a much clearer look at the contents contained within. When Cepheus saw the delicately iridescent feather in the bottle, his face immediately lit up. There was only one Pokémon who had that stunning colouring - the unique lugia he had met at the beach event! Seems she had sent him something.*
Cepheus: Yo Kel, seems things are chill with this. It’s from that Lugia I’d met.
*Kel was still confused but trusted Cepheus. They immediately floated to the bottle, carefully levitated it with their psychic powers and took both the feather and letter out of the glass container. The subtle rainbow shine on it was truly beautiful. Not something Kel had ever seen before. Ah, of course, that Lugia with the dazzling feathers. How kind of her to leave something for Cepheus. They began reading the contents of the letter to the arceus.*
Kel: What a lovely way to be thanked. See? You helped someone on that beach.
Cepheus: Yeah yeah. It is nice she gave me one of her feathers. I mean, just seeing her in real life. Wow. Most radiant, I’m telling you.
Kel: I’m sure she was.
Cepheus: Would you be able to put the feather in the treasury please? Something like this can’t just be left out in the open. Gotta store it in the right place, you dig?
Kel: Of course.
*With a quick wave of their hand, Kel teleported the feather into the safest area of the treasury - somewhere where it would rest without fear of being damaged. They grabbed a small ballpoint pen and a sheet of paper from one of the shelves nearby.*
Kel: I am to assume you want to write a letter back?
Cepheus: It’s like you can read my mind or something! Of course I do. And maybe I should add a little something in it too from me. Could you do the writing?
Kel: Sure Ceph.
“Dear most unique lugia,
Thank you for your letter. It is most kind of you to write to me! It’s been ages since I’ve had one but I dig the vibes of it! There’s just something most excellent about writing letters. Just has this vibe, you get me?
I am glad to have met you too! It’s not often you get to see a lugia of your colouration out in the open! Truly a most radical sight to see. I am also thrilled that my words were able to help you out. That’s just what I like doing, helping others who need it. I’m sure things will go well with you and your bro but remember that it’s ok if it’s not a completely smooth journey. Sometimes these things take time, you dig? Definitely wishing you luck on everything.
Absolutely dig the gift you left me. That feather? Wow. I am going to treasure it forever. So, I’m leaving you a little something from my personal collection. I’m not sure what size you are but-“
*Kel had to pause because they knew exactly what Cepheus was going to give to the lugia. They turned to look at the arceus who had already got the item next to him. A pair of lugia-shaped crocs. Oh, why did it have to be crocs? It could have been any gift. Cepheus was obsessed with them. Kel just could not understand the obsession and shook their head when they spotted them. Cepheus looked at them with his usual chill smile, ushering them on to continue with the letter. Kel rolled their eyes, adjusted their round glasses and continued writing what Cepheus wanted them to write.*
“here’s some of the most excellent footwear you’ll ever have. You see, I just so happen to own the largest collection of crocs ever. I just love them and figured you could do with a pair for your own. And look, they’re lugia-shaped! Isn’t that just the most radical thing you’ve ever seen in your life? You can do what you like with them!
Hope to meet you sometime again soon,
The most radical goomy ever.”
Cepheus: Yeah! That sounds like a most excellent letter! Thanks for writing it!
Kel: You’re welcome. I know you struggle with spelling so I’m glad to help. Though, I have to question how you’re going to see her again. Are you going to visit her?
Cepheus: I was thinking she could come here. She’d get along with Genera I think and it’d be nice to see what progress she’s made with her brother, if you get me?
Kel: But she doesn’t know where here is. That’s why she sent the letter.
Cepheus: Oh, you are most right. Yeah, ok. Just hold the letter close to me.
*Kel did as instructed, holding the letter close to Cepheus. Using one of his levitating arc pieces, he touched the letter and it immediately began to glow a soft golden light with small sparkles lining the edges of the paper.*
Cepheus: Ok, could you add a PS to it?
Kel: Sure.
“PS I’ve been able to, through mysterious, magical means, give you a way to find me through this letter if you wanna speak to me face to face again. Like, the letter will, if you request it, become a magic portal that’ll lead you to me if you want to. I know it seems completely wild but the power of goo is strong. I’m chill with keeping up with letters but just wanted to give you the option just in case you needed someone to talk to or whatever.”
*As Kel had finished scribbling away, Cepheus was looking over their shoulder, making sure everything came out ok. He seemed very satisfied by what was written. Kel rolled up the letter and gathered the rather large (well, large in comparison to them) crocs from near Cepheus’ feet. They proceeded to attach a bow to the crocs which held the letter firmly attached to the odd footwear before giving them a tap. They disappeared, leaving no trace of ever being there in the library.*
Kel: Ok, I’ve been able to send the letter and your…lovely…pair of crocs to the location where this lugia wrote her letter. The letter should adjust to being the right size for her to be able to read.
Cepheus: Excellent work my most excellent friend. Hopefully they’ll arrive without getting damaged or anything.
#ask blog#askblog#pokeask#pokemon#pokemon ask blog#pokemon askblog#pokemon oc#pokémon#arceus#mew#Cepheus the arceus#Kel the mew#pokémon askblog#pokémon ask blog#pokemon mew#pokemon arceus#pokeask blog
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https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/774381954334326784/what-haunts-me-is-tae-waiting-for-someone-to-open
“Not a bad thing to be haunted by”
But if this was a Jikook edit you would have gone on and on about how you hate the way Jikookers sexualize everything Jikook does. Funny how you don’t see to share the same sentiment here💀
Hi anon!
Im getting extremely tired of all the ‘but if this was a jkk’ asks i’ve been getting (probably all you), so let me put some things straight here (and if you come back like this again you will get blocked).
This ask actually says way more about where your mind goes than about mine. Because I never said anything about them having sex, neither did my anon (though perhaps their mind did go there, I don’t know). For me, this would be a moment of intimacy.. a moment for them to be together without having a camera pointed at their faces. I don’t actually tend to think they are sexually intimate when there’s cameras around because that would be an actual huge risk (something Jkkrs don’t seem to understand). You seem to follow my blog very intensely, so you know I hardly ever mention their sexlives and I certainly do not sexualize them.
But also this, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to believe in both Jkk and Tkk? In neither? Do you want me to stop blogging? None of that’s going to happen, so you might as well just block me if it’s so annoying to you.
Moreover, Jikook is fake. It was clear before , but during AYS it is proven to be fake by Jm and Jk themselves. I am not going to be considarate towards Jkkrs, because they are delusional. The moment Jk and Jm said this…
… it was all over. This is strong evidence of Jkk being fake. I know Jkkrs either ignore this (searching for a clip of this is actually hilarious) of twist it into a romanticized temporary breakup thingy), but what they are telling us is that they didn’t meet or hang out or even call for months! Not even just two months… but at least spanning the time Jm was busy with Face until AYS. And they are talking about it in a joking lighthearted way. We could tell that during the time they didn’t meet it was also not an issue, because they mentioned each other just fine during their weverse lives. We actually did see them together (didn’t make an impact apparently) during Hobi’s enlistment and they were just fine. Jm told Jk to visit him more during that dance practice, so Jkkrs idea of Jm being too busy is an idiotic one (especially since he did make time for Hobi and Yoongi, and facetimed Tae several times a month. There was nothing wrong between Jm and Jk.. they just did not make time for each other and that goes against them being in a relationship. This is not even something you can point at as being my point of view or my opinion… this is just facts.
Above all that, please let Jkkrs do research on how queer artists who are out get treated and let them think about if they truly believe Jm and Jk would be able to be out. BH having/letting them do this show is also proof that they are not together. Them enlisting together is also proof that they are not together. Music companies do not take risks.
So.. please go away with your ‘but if it was a Jkkr saying this’ nonsense as if I’m somehow supposed to treat their ideas the same as ours.
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Nodding, Winter agreed, "Yeah, especially me. I mean...I always have honey here. It's sort of my thing. But I need different ways to enjoy it or else I'll...well, stop enjoying it, you know? And I don't want that because..." Winter trailed off; he knew what he was about to say, but he also knew it might sound stupid. Still, he said it anyway, telling Stoker, "It's so much a part of who I am, beekeeping and selling my honey and all of that, and I kind of don't know who I would be without it." There was one thing though that Winter didn't say out loud: that his bees brought him so much comfort because sometimes it felt like they were the only ones to truly understand him. Their bond was unexplainable and deep, and Winter truly loved them. But he thought that might be too much for Stoker. It seemed like the other understood Winter's point though, and that made him smile. Yes, he was glad the two of them had met.
Upon giving the honey to his new friend, Winter saw his reaction, which made him smile even more in turn. It always felt good to him to make other people happy, and he already knew he'd be giving Stoker another free jar of honey at some point. "It's no big deal," he said, still grinning at them. "I mean...I've got more honey than I can manage sometimes." Right now he didn't have quite as much because it was winter, but he still had more than enough to sell at the markets for the next couple of months. And besides, that wasn't Winter's livelihood anyway - he'd only ever done this because he loved it, not as a job. "I wanted to do something nice for you," he said softly. "I just...I always appreciate when people like me." Winter felt himself getting a little vulnerable now, and he blushed slightly, but still he continued. "Sometimes people think I'm weird or are put-off by the fact that my memory is so terrible," Winter explained further, "so I just...I'm glad you're not one of those people." His cheeks were just a little redder now, but Winter didn't feel embarrassed; he felt like Stoker would understand.
And that was why Winter found himself talking further about the memory issues - he could tell that Stoker wouldn't judge him or make an excuse to leave or something (at least he hoped not). "It's...it's been hard," Winter explained. "I don't even remember how to drive. You know that car in the driveway? That's mine, but it's pretty useless to me. And...and it's not just like a couple of notes." He walked over to a drawer nearby and pulled it open, taking out a stack of notes and holding them up to show Stoker. "See what I mean?" He didn't want to dwell on it too much, but it just felt nice being able to open up about this. There were some things Winter didn't say though, like how he was afraid to even try learning how to drive again because he was worried he wouldn't be able to retain anything he learned. This felt too personal to reveal though, at least for right now. Stoker had nothing but positive and encouraging things to say, and their support made Winter smile, feeling a little less self-conscious. "I'm getting by," he replied, "I am. It's just...it's hard sometimes, and it's embarrassing too." His cheeks were just a little red now, but mostly Winter felt safe and comfortable with his new friend, and he appreciated that greatly.
After the pair had made their tea, Winter sat at the counter with Stoker, taking a sip. "Another way I like honey is on toast," he told Stoker. "Just like drizzled on. If you haven't tried it, well..." He trailed off, nodding toward the jar of honey he'd given the other, a smile on his face. For a couple more minutes, they sat there enjoying their tea, and Winter asked, "So what do you like to do in your free time, Stoker? I guess we still don't know a ton about each other, do we?" Winter felt like Stoker could end up being a good friend, but he wanted to know them more. He removed a small notebook from his pocket as well as a pen, blushing slightly once more. "Is it okay if I take notes?" Winter asked the other.
Stoker laughed. "I am a tea person, yeah. I'm a bit of an avid drinker in general, so I'm a big fan of a lot of drinks, but tea has always been up there with my favourites," they explained, giving a completely unnecessary long winded answer, not unlike Stoker. "I think that's a perfectly acceptable reason to be a tea drinker," Stoker shrugged. "I mean, if you stuck to straight honey all the time I feel like you'd be more likely to get sick of it by now," which definitely wouldn't be a very good thing for someone who was so involved with the making of honey.
"For me?" Stoker confirmed, the smile already on his face growing larger. While he knew that Winter was kind and generous, he didn't expect a whole bottle from his best batch of the year, and that oddly touched Stoker. "Thank you very much, Winter. I'll treat it like liquid gold," he chuckled. He already knew that Silas would be benefitting from the gift too, which made Stoker feel hopeful that he could pay Winter back by sending Silas and his thick wallet his way with some business.
The switch up in conversation to the topic of Winter's accident was one that surprised Stoker so very much, but it wasn't unwelcome. If anything, Stoker valued honesty, particularly when it was honesty regarding something so vulnerable. "You haven't told me this before," Stoker reassured him. "I think the notes are a great way of managing that, that's a really smart use of resources," Stoker's words were completely honest, and his tone was relatively stable; he didn't want to come across like he was pitying Winter in a way that would make him feel less than other's without issues similar. "I know my words are just, well, words, but you don't need to hide them from me." Stoker didn't know how deep Winter's embarrassment went, but he truly did want his friend to know that there was no reason to be ashamed.
"Thank you," Stoker was more than happy to busy himself by putting honey into his tea and moving on to a conversation about it instead. While he meant what he said when speaking of Winter's accident, seeing the way that the other reacted to having left a note out, Stoker didn't want to force him to ruminate on the subject. "This smells amazing with the honey in it," he commented, smile as bright as his sparkling, friendly eyes.
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thinking still about how the Heart calls the Whalers 'puppets' and the amount of mystery there is around them, when playing as Corvo and perceiving them through the Heart, in comparison to how they are in reality.
we see them talk to each other in a manner any people would. they consider insubordination, they talk badly of Daud behind his back, we have Billie betray him. there are some that are loyal, yes, be it because they believe in Daud or because they see gain in this path, but by no means are they a monolyth.
however, we do hear from the Heart about a 'fog that surrounds them and hides their secrets' and it is even confirmed, by Billie (and also Galia in the books) that leaving Daud made them 'think clearly for the first time in years'
I've seen a couple theories and I do want to dive into each, to an extent.
there's the suggestion of the Heart talking badly of them, calling them mindless drones that only kill out of hatred and hurt. which, valid. the Heart also says certain things about Daud, 'why did you bring me here? do you expect me to forgive him?', so it's not unlikely that their attitude towards human lives and their willingness to kill for Daud is repulsive enough that the Heart does not see past it
another option is that the mindless puppets is more of a metaphor and is meant to talk about how the Whalers are, in a sense, a cult. which would be incredibly interesting to explore if we had more information on how the Whalers function. now I do want to point out that by cult I do not mean it in a Secluded Religious Organization but as a sociological thing. a literal cult if you will, with a leader that charms their followers, the seclusion and all the unhealthy attitudes of losing oneself to the group. and, that does check out - the loss of individuality, they are as one, following someone's orders without hesitation, someone they would die for. there are a lot of unsavory implications here (if you know how cults work, you probably had some cross your mind already), but arguably Daud is not charming enough to be a proper cult leader. the appeal is the magic, and his excellent skills as an assassin and a leader. maybe it's because of the time we see the Whalers at, right before a collapse, but Daud is regularly doubted and we see a lot of insubordination. the Whalers are not necessarily loyal to him because of who he is as a person. they want the power, they want the influence, maybe the protection, and the things keeping them from disobeying are fear, rather than loyalty.
the third thought or theory is, then, that many of these symptoms can be explained by the influence of the Void. we know the Void affects people, both physically as we see with Delilah's Witches or the Eyeless, as it influences them mentally, if the high numbers of people going mad because of their worship are something to go by. if, then, the Whalers are bound to the Void through Daud, it only makes sense that they would be influenced by this link to something that messes with people's brains. Galia saying she feels better after her Arcane Bond faded could easily mean that the influence the Void had on her has faded, and the creeping madness of it has subsided significantly.
all of these most likely come into play. one of the Heart's lines in dh2, if we point at a Witch, is reciting some of the recipes the Witches chant before quickly apologising. we do learn significantly more about them than we do about the Whalers, of course, possibly because Jessamine has more ill will towards the Whalers than to the Witches. still we see the Void affect the Heart. there is also a notion that the Witches are 'not quite human' due to their Arcane bond.
there's no real conclusion. it's just interesting
#li.txt#dh#dishonored#dishonored whalers#I cant stop thinking about this#and since Ive been pointed to 'whalers as a proper cult' Ive been thinking about it#I have a soft spot for cults as a phenomenon i think its very interesting how they function and the things that drive them to function#its really hard to explainwhat i mean without going into proper details on this#and like i dont think theres enough info about how the whalers functioned during their golden days?#to be truly able to tell how things were?#like if it was just a regular organization or if it was Proper Cult with all the unsavory practices that keep people in there#definitely against the 'mindless puppets' bs theyre still v much people#but i wonder like. how much did the arcane bond affect them#we know that it makes them arrogant#and they were already not too kind people before joining daud#i mean who would join the most famous assassin in dunwall without being into murder?#(i think this characterization suffers also because tehres just way less lines about characters in dh than in dh2)#anyways daud is not charismatic enough to be a proper cult leader and in this essay I will---#i did in fact not write about it at all lol but if people have questions I want to answer them#i really want to talk about the whalers actually#ngl should just sleep on this and post it later but nah yolo
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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Ter stop talking over and making decisions for Dee challenge 2k24. Y'all ain't even friends at this point you're just the annoying coworker go away
#wandee goodday#wandee goodday the series#wandee goodday series#listen listen listen#i am glad that ter is starting to realize things about himself#i'm glad he's starting to embrace his feelings#howmstever he needs to do that in a way where he is able to give up some control#he cannot control dee's actions or responses#he needs to communicate with dee not make decisions for him#ter and dee do not mesh because dee is super competitive about silly little things#and he doesn't like being told what to do. he likes gentle nudging and he also likes his boundaries#yak still hasn't kissed him despite both of them knowing how bad yak wants to#ter extended their japan trip without talking to dee and then tried to kiss him not even knowing how dee feels about being kissed#dee hasn't had a chance to explain#and even before he had a chance to explain with yak#yak wasn't kissing him. yak was operating strictly off of body language and managed to not kiss dee#then he asked about it in a non-judgemental way and dee felt comfortable enough to tell him#and yak said got it boss. you know i want to kiss you but this is a boundary that we will not cross#until we are ready and willing to cross it together#yes yak has pushed a bit because he wants it but he always goes slow enough and gives dee enough space to back out before they kiss#which dee does#and he will back out until he doesn't#but that's the difference between ter and yak#dee was closed in and didn't have a lot of options to avoid the kiss if it hadn't been interrupted#i don't doubt dee would have managed to avoid it but ter blocked off a lot of opportunities to leave#yak leaves space for dee to leave if he wants to#ter is controlling and yak is freeing#and that is why dee was able to fall for yak after 8 years of pining for ter#he is free from the feelings that were controlling him#and now he can move on and be happy with someone who truly understands him
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Speaking of replaying things...got it in my head recently about maybe playing Death Stranding for a second time. Played it through once a few years ago and didn't think I'd want to do it over again.
So last night I thought I'd watch some of a YT playthrough, see how I felt about it. And after about and hour or so, I stg I've oscillated back and forth between...
Oh hell yeah! I can remember there was a lot here I really liked that was enough for me to finish the whole thing the first time; and
Bluhhhhhhhhhhhhh I also remember why I haven't wanted to play it again until apparently now lol
...like 20 times.
#like fr watching the whole opening sequence with fragile and the bike crash i'm like yessss alright alright alright#and then the whole voidout sequence is demonstrably sick and id truly forgotten how awesome some of the major scenes are#and the actual PLAYING part of it was - to me - oh so satisfying and fun#the slow and deliberate preparation and planning for each trip#the BTs and the little detector thing you have are so cool and tense#but...then the two “Die-/Dead-” dudes show up and just will not evER SHUT UP and let you just play the f-ing game#every character other than sam is so gratingly and distractingly earnest with every word they speak#it's as if every character is an animatronic historic figure from a theme park ride#guy walks up to Sam the main character. Sam sees it's Diehardman. the screen says 'Diehardman'. Diehardman says “SAM...ITS DIEHARDMAN” x100#and my god all of the “if we rebuild ***AMERICA*** with YOUR help we can SAVE the WORLD” makes me want to vomit#the number of times they screech into your earpiece every 10 fucking paces to be like “SAM...” “SAM...” “SAM...”#and they keep saying “I know I don't need to tell you this but...”#then fucking DONT TELL ME#“...but the audience needs to know this..." even though you were fucking BORN in this world and are a ”seasoned pro“ as they refer to you#“SAM...don't forget. You can use LADDERS to climb both UP and DOWN. A pro like you MIGHT even be able to find OTHER uses.”#“SAM...the PRESIDENT wants to see you. Also remember: the president is YOUR MOM.”#SAM...I probably don't need to remind you but: DONT DIE:#and yet i still kindasorta want to play it again?#ugh i cannot decide lol
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