#to heal wounds of heart

[boydswan]

Tasuku Emoto in TO HEAL WOUNDS OF HEART: THE MOVIE (2021)

[fisheito]

devs are JERKkin me around- like, wELL-----

[ricksmarlene]

I'm a father. He's the one thing I don't want to fail. I am. But maybe you can call me dad.

[gods-perfect-idiots]

something something blood-soaked hands cradling your face something something

anyway here's the post btw

[sorrygotthesesacks]

Yes, yes, more Stolitz thoughts.

Most of which were eaten up earlier due to an internet glitch when I was still trying to sort out how my thoughts tied to Striker and then my draft never saved.

Of course, we all know that Blitzø is absolutely horrible at expressing emotions. His walls are high, thick, and nearly impenetrable. That's a given. Even Stolas mentions the walls in Just Look My Way.

But Stolas is just as self-sabotaging as Blitzø. He doesn't mean to be (Blitzø, maybe just a little, out of a sense of self-preservation). And a lot of it is the product of his upbringing.

We know that his bottle of anti-depressants was empty, and others have pointed out that may have been a factor in Stolas' reaction (how Stolas' happy pills work in hell, who knows. I know that one missed dose of an SSRI/SNRIs would not be enough to cause him to be more emotionally fragile*, but at the very least, we can allow Stolas a placebo effect in feeling even more ill equipped when he's already a ball of nerves - so much so that he vomits as soon as he wakes).

*(EDIT: not necessarily, at least, but regardless, Stolas is a mess + now he's extra extra anxious)

Let's take a look at how Stolas, without intending to, is the one with the steering wheel on this.

He is afraid. He is deathly afraid of losing Blitzø when he sets him free. He is in his own head, and has been in his own head, since he came to this decision.

He can't take it back, but considering where they are, that isn't a bad thing. It's not the what, it's the how.

Well. We know they both fucked this up.

But my point is about the "I'll set us free" line. Emphasis on the "I" as in this is what Stolas is doing, all by himself.

Of course, we know that Stolas is coming at this genuinely - and we know that he truly loves Blitzø and has done his best to drop hints left and right.

We also know that Blitzø does not see himself as lovable, so of course he will not be picking up what Stolas is putting down.

We know this.

Blitz does not.

Let's think back to how resilient Blitzø is in most cases. He has built this shell around himself and protects the vulnerable parts of himself with barbs and insults and witty rejoinders. He is not afraid to kick ass and take names, and who recognizes that Blitzø isn't like typical imps?

Striker, that's who. (Argh, please ignore the fact that the CC does not know Blitz's name.)

But the thing that made me really think of Striker is that, despite his own personal grudges against the royals, he made a very strong (bloody and violent) point with Stolas and sadly, Stolas wasn't able to extrapolate this to Blitzø.

Stolas did not deserve this, but he definitely struck a nerve with Striker, who just got done telling him how "some of us" have had everything taken away from royals like Stolas.

Stolas has never been kidnapped before, and any abuse heaped on him by Stella is nothing like what Striker is doing here. He hasn't had his powers stripped from him. And of course, both his power and station place him above the imps. Even though he doesn't see it! Even though he bows to Blitzø, who he sees as an equal, but doesn't act as if they are equals, not to Blitzø.

I hate Striker for hurting my dear sweet owl boy, but I do get his anger here.

And thinking of that, it's painfully ironic that Stolas does exactly that to Blitzø.

Which is how we got to this point.

Stolas has deemed himself unworthy of Blitzø's love, despite wanting it so desperately. And yes, Blitzø was a total dick for the whole role playing and saying I love you as a fucking joke - but this is how Blitzø deals with his emotions. He doesn't just tamp them down, he buries them before they can hurt him - and still, we see him begging Stolas - pleading his case, that he can do better.

He doesn't want to lose the book, but he really doesn't want to lose Stolas, and if this relationship between them isn't what he has believed it's always been, there is more of a chance to be hurt by opening up.

Fuck.

I totally get Stolas jumping to the conclusion that Blitzø does not think very highly of him at all. He has no idea how Blitzø has lamented to Fizz how he believes that Stolas only wants one thing from him. He doesn't dare believe it's more / can't possible see that it could ever be more.

And I would be so crushed by Blitzø's reaction, too, if I was Stolas, and I'd just poured my heart out, splayed everything on the floor, to be trod upon.

I get it. I would probably do the same exact thing. Stolas has already built up the rejection in his head, but still very much hoped for his feelings to be reciprocated, instantly, honestly, and passionately. He has been on the receiving end of passion in the physical sense so it makes sense that he'd expect for more. I absolutely get that and do not hate Stolas for this at all.

(And someone pointed out that Stolas once put his cigarette out on Blitzø - but like - that was his horn? Which seems to be like horse hooves and YOU KNOW HOW MUCH BLITZØ WOULD LOVE BEING COMPARED TO A FUCKING HORSE! Ahem.)

It hurts so much to see these two, who both deserve to be loved, who want to be loved, to fumble so violently through their own issues and not just stepping but jumping up and down on the land mines that are each other's baggage. Even knowing that in the end, this will make their bond stronger, it hurts.

But I am so happy when I see so many people getting that we can't put the blame solely on either one of them. The beauty of their relationship is all the complicated stuff that Blitz hates.

Which I hate, too.

But also, I really really love it.

It's complicated.

(Cue the Avril Lavigne song.)

[zeewipark]

A little shrine for old wounds

© Jee Won Park (ig: zeewipark)

[lazycranberrydoodles]

phone studies 🎉 you know the tan line from either ruoye or the cursed shackle would be AWFUL

[d8tl55c]

me: waiting for shoe(s) to drop

Personified Alan Becker YouTube Icon: oh... buddy...

[writethestory365]

To be a Christian is to forgive the inexcusable, because God has excused the inexcusable in you.

- C.S. Lewis

[zhivchik]

[the-devil-is-dead]

do you guys ever get artstyle envy? well i do every day, so please enjoy a snufkin doodle in a completely different artstyle than what i've posted so far.

ALSO!!! sweden won gold in beach volleyball yesterday and i'm so happy about it!! yippee!!

[thebirdandhersong]

in my you're on your own kid era again (I never left)

[baby-xemnas]

😭😭😭

[crisiskarda52]

Workaholic boy doesn't like holidays

[minban]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌?

kaveh, you are water — how versatile. you will bend and conform and change for others. who are you, you wonder? a hurricane, a pond, a raging sea, warm rain, all in one. you are everything. your emotions will boil and ice and steam, but you will remain unchanged. you will always remain like this—unless, of course, you choose to make a change.

tagged by @yeonban kissing you kissing you tagging @4ffogato, @lunaetis, @apocryphis, and @draconicfool

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Man, sasuke is the saddest lil guy in the whole wide ninja world :'(