#i wanted to know about him i wanted him to find me delightful and insightful and courageous and interesting
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thebirdandhersong · 6 months ago
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in my you're on your own kid era again (I never left)
#babes i will do what i know best which is to write. study. pray. breathe.#lol you'd think after having a mental breakdown two days ago i'd be more settled in what to do#but it turns out there are many ways your heart can break!#and part of it is. yes. i know i'm stupid and have a horribly soft heart that is so so susceptible to being won over#and i AM aware that i easily love people (in a general sense) it is not hard for me to see beauty in someone and love them#because i catch a glimpse of or recognize goodness truth beauty kindness loveliness gentleness in them and it moves me deeply#i am very easily moved deeply i know this!! and i wish it weren't so sometimes#but anywayssssss insert all the things you know the routine i should've been wiser i should've been more careful#i wanted to know about him i wanted him to find me delightful and insightful and courageous and interesting#i wanted to make him laugh somehow or at least smile i wanted to see that joy of his up close#i saw a deep startling warming light in him and i wanted to draw closer#etc etc etc anywayyyyyy anyway#petrarch: Love found me all disarmed and saw the way / was clear to reach my heart down through the eyes#which have become the halls and doors of tears. / it seems to me it did him little honor / to wound me with his arrow in my state#/and to you armed not show his bow at all" etc etc you know the drill#insert ALL the things. standard stuff. i would have loved you i would have treated you tenderly i would have simply rejoiced to be near you#all of that ish and more. anyways back to real life lol i'd love to experience a love that doesn't feel like death someday#healing girl era summer '24
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prythianpages · 5 months ago
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There She Goes | Cassian
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cassian x love witch reader | summary: You're determined to help Cassian find love. It is your specialty, after all. But Cassian finds himself falling for you.
warnings: none? this is fluff, I guess?
a/n: Though this is part of a series, it can be read as a stand-alone. Jumping a little ahead here to established friends (:
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Cassian and Azriel strolled through the cobblestone streets of Velaris, the familiar warmth of the city wrapping around them like a comforting embrace after their trip to Windhaven. As they passed by the bakery, the irresistible aroma of freshly baked goods wafted out, tempting them and slowing their steps. 
"Well, since we're passing by, we might as well indulge. " Cassian said, flashing a grin at Azriel.
“Support our local businesses.” Azriel nodded his head in agreement, mirroring his grin as if they had not purposely taken the longer path back to the town house. His shadows wrapped around the shop’s door handle, pulling it open and he gestured for Cassian to step inside first.
Cassian’s eyes lit up at the sight of the display case filled with pastries, his stomach rumbling in response. There was so much to choose from—from savory to sweet—and he craved both. But then his gaze fell on the heart-shaped strawberry tarts, and it was almost embarrassing how quickly his thoughts drifted to you.
Strawberries and heart-shaped objects were among your favorite things. 
Granted, you had many favorite things, especially if they were pink. And if they were that tickle-me-pink shade—because yes, there are different shades of pink as you passionately taught him one night—well, that made them even better.
After buying a couple of tarts among a handful of other pastries, he could almost picture your delighted expression, and a warm, fuzzy feeling spread through him. Something that did not go unnoticed by Azriel. “Didn’t know you liked tarts so much,” he commented.
“I always liked them.” Cassian replied, brushing off his friend’s curiosity.
Azriel’s gaze narrowed. “Since when?”
“Since now.”
Cassian shrugged, pulling one of the tarts from his bag and eagerly taking a bite. He closed his eyes for a moment, making a dramatic show out of proving his point right as a contented sigh escaped his lips.
Azriel’s eyebrows knitted together in a skeptical manner, but Cassian was relieved he didn’t pry further. His shadows, however, began to pulse with sudden craving, and Cassian glared at the one that curled itself around Azriel’s ear. Centuries of friendship with the Shadowsinger have given Cassian some insight into the behavior of Azriel’s shadows. Those sneaky little tendrils could be just as meddlesome as he was.
And Cassian has yet to tell his family about you.
Though you’ve been friends for a while, he’s hesitant to share this part of his life with them. It's not because he is embarrassed, but because he knows they’d bombard him with questions about you. They’d also be eager to meet you, undoubtedly curious about the person who has captured his attention. Cassian is sure they already suspect something is going on, and the way Azriel’s shadows keep eagerly fluttering around him makes him wonder if Azriel has already figured it out.
A selfish part of Cassian just wants to keep you to himself. For you to be his person—Cassian shakes his head at the thought, quickly correcting himself. He wants you to be his friend, and only his friend, for now.  He isn’t ready to share you just yet.
Out of the corner of his eyes, he catches a glimpse of pink and his heart skipped a beat. His heart settled with a hint of disappointment when he realized that the pink had come from the cotton candy a vendor was selling. 
Get a grip, Cas.
He heard your laughter next—or what sounded like it. There she goes, Cassian thought, his lips curving into a fond smile as his mind formed the image of you laughing. The way your eyes would light up, crinkling in an endearing manner as you tilted your head slightly back. And there she goes again, racing through his mind...
He could even picture you in this moment, walking gracefully through the plaza in another one of your pink outfits. A pink strawberry cardigan with light-colored pants and matching pink ballet flats. Wait a minute...
Cassian realized he wasn’t imagining things. That had been your laughter he heard. And you were, in fact, wearing a pink strawberry cardigan. Like a vision straight out of a dream.
You must’ve sensed him too because in a heartbeat, your head turned in his direction. A bright smile spread across your face. Cassian’s smile widened, his eyes softening and he couldn’t bring himself to care over the way Azriel’s gaze immediately shifted between you two, shadows whispering madly.
If there was one person that could keep a secret in the family, it’d be Azriel.
“Hey, Cas,” you greeted as you approached them. Your steps came to a stop and gaze shifted to Azriel.
A sense of panic had Cassian’s wings tensing as you regarded his friend.
Azriel had always been the most beautiful of their group. Many fae—females and males—flocked to him on the nights they’d successfully dragged Azriel to Rita’s. He was never short of suitors, and it seemed that he was always the first choice. It was something Cassian couldn’t help but be envious of, and the longer your gaze lingered on Azriel, the more his wings tensed.
“Hello! You must be Azriel. Cassian talks a lot about you and of Rhysa–the High Lord as well.” You corrected yourself, extending your hand out toward Azriel.
“Yes,” Azriel replied, side-glancing at Cassian as he politely shook your hand. “That’s funny actually because—”
Cassian elbowed Azriel, giving a subtle shake of his head. Don’t say anything, his eyes screamed at him. Azriel fought the urge to roll his eyes, choosing to clear his throat instead. “Because I am Azriel…”
“Right…”
“Anyway, it’s nice to finally meet you…,” Azriel trailed off, the corner of his lips tugging upwards into a faint smile as that sneaky shadow of his curled around his ear once more. “The one Cassian has been running off to a lot...”
Cassian turned his head to glare at Azriel in warning. He then turned his attention back to you. He watched as your gaze flickered between them both, then to the bags full of pastries they carried, before settling back on Cassian. He let out a small exhale, not realizing he had been holding his breath. The panic that had begun to seep in was now pushed away by relief.
You had not fallen victim to Azriel’s effortless charm. He wouldn’t have blamed you, if you had.
“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”
“Not at all.” Azriel replied for them and your eyes lit up.
You clasped your hands behind your back, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.
“Does that mean you’re free then?”
“Yes,” Azriel answered for Cassian again, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
“Mind if I steal him from you?” You asked Azriel, though your gaze had not wavered from Cassian.
“No, take him,” Azriel said, playfully shoving his friend your way. “You can keep him too.”
˗ˏˋ ★ ★ ˏˋ˗ 
The sounds of children laughing and playing filled the air, and the vibrant energy of the city seemed to mirror the tumult in Cassian's chest. “So, what did you need to steal me for?” 
“Your company,” you replied simply, your smile warm as you watched the kids in the park. You missed the way your words made Cassian blush. “I missed you and was thinking about when you’d return. I got some updates for you…”
When he didn’t respond, you turned your head toward him, catching him staring at you with an intensity that took you aback. Your eyes met his with a curious, questioning look. Cassian quickly cleared his throat, attempting to mask his racing heart with a facade of nonchalance.
“I got you something.”
“You did?”
Cassian held up the pastry bag before opening it. He pulled out one of the strawberry tarts and that delighted expression he had imagined earlier came to life.
You gasped, drawing a genuine smile from his lips. “How did you know I love these?”
“I had a feeling,” Cassian said, nodding towards your cardigan, the shade of pink he had come to associate so closely with you.
“Well, thank you. You’re the best!”
Cassian’s wings fluttered behind him and he was grateful for the way you were distracted with the pastry to notice. But as you lifted your gaze back upwards, your eyes widened at something behind him. His muscles tensed when your hand suddenly gripped his arm, shorter form moving behind him. 
“Hide me!” You hush-whispered and Cassian’s instincts were quick, using his free hand to push you further behind him, your forehead pressing into his back.
His gaze sharpened, senses on high alert, as he searched the area for danger.
“What is it?”
“See that fae over there? The one with silver hair and wearing bright green? That’s my ex. And the other fae right next to him is his mean wife, who is always unpleasant to bump into.”
Cassian’s eyes narrowed as he glanced at the couple you pointed out, who were slowly approaching where you both stood. He turned, keeping you hidden behind his broad form as they walked past you. Only when they were out of sight did you step around Cassian, resuming your place by his side. You let out a long breath, wiping the nonexistent sweat from your forehead that had him resisting the urge to chuckle.
You finally indulged in the sweet pastry in your hand, struck by the need of a sweet distraction from the stressful situation you narrowly avoided. You waited until you swallowed the first bite completely before speaking again. 
“We dated for almost a year. He broke up with me because I was ‘too much.’ Guess he couldn’t handle me. Yet he can handle that crazy wife of his. Amazing what love does, isn’t it?”
There was no hint of bitterness in your tone. Only a soft, dreamy one that had Cassian’s jaw tightening slightly. “Amazing,” he echoed, though his thoughts were far from the admiration you harbored. 
He couldn’t fathom how anyone could think you were too much. To him, you were just right. Perfect, even. He could never get enough of you. The idea that someone else had the chance to experience that, and had let you go, was… infuriating.
“They give me hope.”
“What?” Cassian couldn’t help but let out a snort, pushing past the emotion he dared not name as he looked at you.
You looked back at him in an incredulous manner. “They give me hope,” you said again. “They remind me that there is someone for everybody. That there will be someone for me too one day…Hey, don’t look at me like that.”
Cassian shook his head, forcing a smile to his face as he reached into his bag of pastries and pulled out a macaroon. “You just don’t talk about your personal love life much.”
Your eyes softened as you gazed at him, missing the conflict in his. “Well, there hasn’t been much to talk about lately. I’ve had relationships here and there.”
“I actually dated the bakery owner’s son awhile back. It only lasted three weeks. Biscuit bit his ankle when I first brought him to my place. Worked in his favor, though–he met the love of his life at the healing clinic. They make a really cute couple.”
Cassian’s eyebrows raised in surprise, thinking back to the blue-skinned fae with delicate features he’d seen occasionally at the bakery. He would often help his father during the winter season but he hadn’t seen him lately.
“I’ve opened my heart to many but none of them have wanted to keep it.” You said with a shrug and then took another bite of the strawberry tart. “My love life is quite eventful but it leads to nowhere. I don’t talk about it much because it’s not good for my reputation, you know? A love witch who cannot find love herself…”
Cassian's heart ached at your words. He stared at you again, not knowing what to say to sweeten the bitterness that had befallen upon you. It was then that he noticed some of the pastry’s cream on the corner of your mouth. Without thinking, he leaned in and reached out, his thumb gently brushing against your skin as he wiped it away.
The sudden closeness made your breath hitch, and he realized just how close he was to you. Your eyes locked and his hand lingered on your face, the warmth of your skin sending a shiver down his spine.
“Sorry, you had some of the pastry on your lips, ” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. He was close enough to see the flecks of color in your eyes, to feel the warmth of your breath against his skin. 
Something deep inside–like a hidden instinct– screamed at him to close the distance.
But instead, he let his hand drop, the moment slipping away like sand through his fingers. He brushed his thumb against his leathers to wipe off the cream before popping another macaroon into his mouth as if nothing happened.
“Maybe you should just date me.”
 Cassian choked on the macaroon. “Date—” he managed between coughs, “you?”
His eyes widened, and for a moment, he thought he had seen a flicker of hurt flash through your eyes. But he must’ve imagined it because you were flashing him a grin, your eyes twinkling with mischief. “I’m just joking,” you said with a small laugh. “It’s just that people tend to meet their soulmates after breaking up with me. In a weird sense, I’m like a good luck charm. To all, except myself, that is.”
He felt a pang of disappointment, the feeling threatening to sink his heart. Of course, you were joking. He thought back to the fae you just told him about. Both males were tall and elegant with soft and beautiful features. They were so different from him, a stark contrast to his rugged warrior persona.
It was clear you had a type, and he was far from it. Just as he was convinced he was way out of your league. You would never date someone like him.
“Don’t worry! My love life might be a mess but when it comes to others, I am an expert. I have brought soulmates together. I made a vow to you, Cassian, and I intend to keep it. I’ll help you find your special someone, magic or no magic. Which brings me back to the update I wanted to share with you. I made a new friend the other day! Her name is…”
Cassian allowed you to tug him toward a quaint iron bench beneath a blooming tree as you rambled on. He settled down first, stretching his wings out to their full span to make room for both of you. As his wings curled around you, his heart raced at the accidental brush of his wing against your arm.
 You continued to chatter excitedly about the new friend you thought Cassian might be interested in. “She’s beautiful, weight-lifts, is interested in Valkyrie training, and—are you even listening to me?”
“Yeah, of course,” Cassian replied noncommittally, drawing a small frown from you. In truth, he hadn’t been listening.
Something bright flashes in your eyes, the frown leaving your lips as quickly as it had come. “Did you meet someone in Windhaven?”
“No.” Cassian let out a snort. His trip to Windhaven consisted of solely dealing with the grumpy war camp lords. It was anything but pleasant. “I doubt I’d find love there.”
“Nonsense! Have you learned nothing from me?” You exclaimed, shifting in your seat so that you leaned forward slightly, palms of your hands placed on either side of your thighs. “Love can be found anywhere!”
Your eyes danced with excitement, searching around the plaza. He recognized that look on your face and leaned back, preparing for another impromptu love lesson. 
“Just look,” you said, your voice soft as you pointed to various scenes around them with tilts of your head. “There’s love in the way a mother pushes her little girl on the swing—just the right amount of force to send her soaring but gentle enough to keep her safe.”
Cassian watched, mesmerized, as your pupils dilated into heart shapes, pink magic beginning to dance from your fingertips. “There’s love in the way the elderly couple walks hand in hand, their steps in sync as if they’ve been together for multiple lifetimes.”
“There’s love in the way the flower merchant sneaks an extra rose into the bouquet she just wrapped for her customer. There’s love in the way the customer’s hands brush against hers as he takes the bouquet, his touch lingering for a moment longer and oh, would you look at that—”
Pink stardust soared through the air, forming little butterflies that fluttered around the female and male at the flower stand. They circled around them, drawing them closer to one another, shimmering over them. “—He actually bought those flowers for her to ask her on a date and she said yes!”
“There’s love in the laughter of children playing in the park, their joy infectious...”
Cassian listened, but his focus was less on the people you pointed out and more on you. The way your eyes sparkled with passion, the soft glow of your smile, the gentle manner in which you observed the world—everything about you was enchanting. 
It all made him yearn for something more, something he feared to admit. And in that moment, he realized that he didn’t need to find love in Windhaven or anywhere else.
Because what if...
What if it was right there, sitting beside him, wrapped in pink magic and heart-shaped pupils?
“Uncle C–”
A high-pitched, familiar cheerful voice drew Cassian out of his thoughts. He blinked and then he was looking around the park, keen eyes searching for the voice that sounded just like his nephew’s. But there was no sight of the adorable toddler that held a special place in his heart.
“Love is in the air, Cas.” 
You were looking at him now, eyes filled with warmth and affection. He wondered if you could see the longing in his gaze, if you could feel the depth of his feelings. 
But then you smiled, a smile so pure and bright that it took his breath away, and he knew he couldn’t risk losing you.
How could he ever hope to be worthy of someone as extraordinary as you?
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a/n: I hope y'all didn't mind the time jump. I do intend to post more fics that occurred between the tarot love reading and this one! One of them is a bit angsty and gives more of Love Witch's POV since these have mainly been in Cassian's. I just had the inspiration to write this thanks to the song it was titled after.
Guess Azriel couldn't keep a secret, after all. This part leads right into the next, which was from a suggestion of love witch meeting the IC and also inspired by the song She's So High. If there is anything you'd like to see in that part, just let me know! <3
Biscuit is the name of Love Witch's pet snake btw, who will be introduced soon.
series masterlist
series taglist: @mrsjna , @shadowsingercassia, @acourtofbatboydreams, @rcarbo1, @mvidaaaa ,
@stuff-i-found-while-crying , @lipstickmarks, @yamisukehoe , @mp-littlebit , @thecraziestcrayon, @talesofadragon, @ceoofyearning
General tag list: @scooobies, @kennedy-brooke, @sillysillygoose444, @lilah-asteria @the-sweet-psycho
@daycourtofficial, @milswrites, @stormhearty, @pit-and-the-pen, @mybestfriendmademe
@loving-and-dreaming @azriels-human, @mrsjna
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lilasamaaa · 7 months ago
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Wicked games | Max Verstappen x Leclerc!Reader
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Genre | Fluff, some light angst.
Word count | 1.5K.
Warnings | Some sexual innuendos, reader playfully gaslighting Max.
Summary | You love Max, you really do. But there’s just something about your brother’s teammate… as a driver, of course. 
Author's note | This piece was requested! Thanks to the lovely anon who came up with the idea, I had so much fun writing it! This is shorter than what I usually write, but I wanted to keep this one light and fun :)
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"Babe?" Max's voice comes from the living room. "Are you ready to go?"
This weekend, it's the iconic Monaco Grand Prix, and you're delighted not to have to take a flight and endure jet lag from the other side of the world for once. Not that you're complaining about having the privilege to travel so much, but you understand what flight attendants mean when they say that flying makes you age prematurely. Before the bustling week begins and paralyzes the entire city, you, your brother, and Max had agreed to go eat lunch at your favorite place before the boys had to attend their pre-race press conference.
"I'm almost done," you shout back, placing bobby pins in your bun, when you hear the footsteps of your boyfriend approaching until they reach the door.
"We're..." Max starts before his gaze lands on you. "Oh, no, baby. There's no way you're wearing that."
You arch an eyebrow, observing your boyfriend in the large mirror of the bathroom.
"What's wrong with my outfit?" you ask, tilting your head.
"You're not really going to wear that, are you? Not while holding my hand?" Max replies, starring at your white tennis skirt and red Ferrari polo while you let out a hearty laugh.
"I might be your girlfriend, Max Verstappen, but I'm a Ferrari fan first and foremost. You knew this when you first asked me out."
"Of course I know, baby, but there's a difference between supporting Ferrari and... walking around with their colors on the street. With me."
"Are you playing territorial right now?" you ask, putting both hands on his chest, struggling to suppress your laughter.
"If you're so set on wearing red, why don't you try something more... Discreet? Like the red dress I brought you from Miami?"
"I'm wearing the polo, Max. It'll make Charles happy. And Carlos too," you add, winking at your boyfriend before walking towards the living room.
"Huh? What's the connection with Carlos?" Max asks, following you. "Is Carlos invited to the restaurant?"
Ever since Max and you started dating, several years ago, this has been your favorite game. Never gets old. You just love mentioning the Scuderia and its drivers. It's not that he hates the team, no, after all, as Sebastian once said, everyone's a Ferrari fan. But while Max understands your attachment to the team in relation with your brothers, there's one thing he finds less understandable... Your fascination with the other driver.
"You didn't tell me Carlos was coming," Max says again, still following around while you put on your jewelry.
"I didn't think it was important," you shrug, smirking.
Let it be clear : you don't feel anything for Carlos. No attraction whatsoever. But ever since the Spaniard joined the team and became a close friend of Charles, your relationship naturally developed to the point where today, you genuinely consider Carlos as a member of your family. You've even met his own, spent holidays with them, and you've crashed at Carlos' place multiple times before. Sometimes, when you need someone to talk to and Charles and Max are too biased, too closely involved with you to provide good insight, you call Carlos. The same way the driver always comes to you when he's got girls troubles. Yes, the two of you share a beautiful, tight bond. And knowing there's no ambiguity between the two of you (Max knows it too, deep down), you love driving your boyfriend crazy by mentioning Carlos.
"What's the matter, Max?" you ask, turning around, smiling at him.
"Look, I don't say anything when you sleep on his couch, or when you spend hours on the phone with his sisters. It doesn't even bother me when you check his results, and I surely didn't say anything when you celebrated his victory in Australia while my car was giving me hell," Max continues, gesturing with his hands. "But isn't this a bit much?"
"What is?"
"You said we were going out... As a family? Like, your brother, you and me?"
"Carlos is family," you reply, playing dumb.
"You..." Max starts, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Okay, yeah. Whatever." your boyfriend says, throwing his hands in the air.
As Max and you arrive hand in hand in front of the restaurant where Charles and Carlos are waiting, you don't miss the look your brother gives you upon seeing you dressed in the red polo.
"You're fucking impossible," Charles mutters while kissing your cheek.
Once inside, as the four of you walk over to your table, you still see the opportunity to drive Max crazy by sitting across from Charles. Next to Carlos. Diagonally, your boyfriend watches you, eyebrows furrowed, a hint of annoyance in his eyes.
"Miami was so fun," you start, taking the menu.
"You and I must have a different definition of the word" Max says, rolling his eyes.
"Well, it's not so unpleasant to see someone else cross the finish line before you, for once," you reply teasingly.
"Like in Melbourne?" Max asks with an ironic smile.
"Like in Melbourne," you nod, winking at your boyfriend before turning your attention to the Spaniard. "You did so good, Carlos. I'll have you know that I was rooting for you from the start."
"Yeah," Charles interjects, rolling his eyes. "We know."
The table is engulfed in a heavy silence, and you enjoy yourself so much, your eyes sparkling mischievously.
"There's some tension in here, am I right?" Carlos asks after some time, looking at all three of you in turn.
"She's been bugging me about you all morning," Max replies, taking a sip of his coke. "She thinks it's funny."
"Why would you do that?" Carlos asks, looking at you, eyes wide. "You know he's going to push me off-track because of you, next time."
"You're better than them, that's all," you reply, eyes fixated on the menu in front of you. "They just can't admit it."
"Now, that's just nasty coming from my own sister," Charles says, laughing. "Take that back."
"Leave her to it," Max says to your brother, giving you a meaningful look. "She's decided to be bratty today. She knows it drives me crazy."
"We should all know less about each other," Carlos says before gesturing for the waiter to come over, while Charles tries to hide the red from his face with his menu.
The meal goes well, the false tensions easing over a succession of delicious dishes. But you're not done with your little game. Not yet. As the server clears your plates and refills your wine, you lean in towards Carlos.
"What dessert do you recommend? I'm in the mood for something sweet," you ask Carlos, fluttering your eyelashes innocently.
Across from you, your brother sighs, running a hand across his face, while Max stares at you in a way you know all too well. A look that tells you that once the two of you set foot back in your shared apartment, you're going to pay for your behavior. Big time. But for now, you don't care, leaning over Carlos' menu, your shoulders pressed together. The Spaniard is so innocent, so far from imagining that you're using him to lead your boyfriend exactly where you want him.
"Their crème brûlée is delicious," the driver replies mechanically, eyes still looming over the piece of paper.
"Crème brûlée it is, then," you reply, setting back in your chair. "I just love to make them crack," you finish, locking eyes with Max.
That's it. You're fucked. Max's usually clear eyes are dark with annoyance and desire. Feeling the heat in your lower belly, you lower your gaze, finding it hard to meet your boyfriend's eyes. You can't wait to get home, knowing that with the afternoon of interviews ahead of him, your boyfriend will have to suppress his desire until tonight, amplifying his frustration. After dessert, the four of you head to the cashier, where Max pays for everyone before leading you all outside.
Carlos gives you a quick hug before heading back to his car, promising to call you soon, knowing that the other two drivers will follow him in a few moments. Charles approaches you, and you throw yourself in his arms, pressing your nose against his neck.
"You've got to stop doing that," your brother mumbles playfully in your ear. "You're not the one who has to deal with his awful mood in the paddock afterward."
"He's just so easy to rile up," you say, as both of you let out a laugh.
Charles pinches your cheek before waving to Max and joining Carlos in his car. You find yourself facing Max and give him a radiant smile. Perfectly innocent.
"You're the worst," your boyfriend starts, crossing his arms against his chest.
"You just love me," you say, sticking out your tongue.
"I'm going to ruin you tonight," he concludes, pulling you towards him before kissing you passionately, his hands grazing your buttocks, barely covered by your short skirt. "Show you who's better than who."
"I can't wait," you mutter against his mouth, softly biting his lower lip before taking the keys from his car in the back pocket of his jeans.
"Can't wait," you repeat, watching your boyfriend walk away until he disappears into the backseat of Carlos' car.
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bandgie · 1 year ago
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After Everything
virgin!hueningkai x fem!reader
part 1 here | part 2 here
synopsis: You thought coming to terms with how you feel about Kai was going to be the hardest. But how he feels about you is a whole other animal itself.
warnings: MDNI 18+, smut, PIV, no protection (bad), loss of virginity (m!), handjob, nipple play (f!), over stimulation (m!), cock warming (if you squint), slight mentions of pregnancy, emotions, insecurities, kinda angsty, possessive reader, happy ending, idk man
5.2 words (fuck im sorry)
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If there was one thing you could count on Yeonjun for, it was his stubbornness. Ever since the little show you and Kai put on for him, he's been consistent in asking for a part two. 
Yeonjun caught you in the cafeteria on campus. He’s wearing a flowy white button-down, sharp clavicle and lean arms on show. It would’ve been truly delightful to see him like this, but you just can't muster the ability to be attracted to him.
"Just one more time! One more, that's all I ask. You don't even have to fuck me. I'll even pay you..." You tune out Yeonjun's begging. It's a little difficult considering he's sitting right next to you, not letting you get a bite of your overcooked pizza in. But there's so many thoughts swirling in your head that it's not possible to pay attention anyway.
You’d done something you promised yourself you'd never do with Kai.
You went to his dorm.
Consistently.
Going to someone's place gives you an insight of who they are. He had a nice roommate, a decent space, and privacy. You told yourself it was convenient to have fun at a house rather than finding a secluded area. 
Wanting that alone time meant something. You didn't want to tease him like this anymore, you didn't want someone to see how he could fall apart at the mere feel of your lips.
He was yours to tease, to touch. No one else should have the privilege of getting a taste of that, no matter how they beg.
"Are you even listening to me?" Yeonjun accuses. 
It takes a couple of blinks for you to focus your attention on him. "If I said no, would you stop bothering me?" He laughs and crosses his legs, "Nope."
You sigh, giving up on your half eaten dinner. Yeonjun is quick to catch your annoyed expression, deciding to take another route.
"You like him huh?"
You turn your head to make eye contact, "Like who?" Yeonjun gives you a sly smile and shrugs, "You know who. I don't know why you're playing dumb."
"I'm not playing dumb," you say defensively. "You're the dumb one." 
Yeonjun chuckles at your little outburst. "No you are. You're blowing me off for Kai. Blowing me off, I'm almost offended. Like, I know you've been distant, but it's not the 'I found someone better and I don't need you anymore' distant. It's the 'I'm head over heels for someone like a loyal dog' kinda distant."
"I'm not a dog!" You yell. A few nearby people look at you weirdly, but you shake them off.
"So you're loyal then," Yeonjun muses. He shrugs again and leans back when you don't say anything. "It's written all over your face babes. Puppy love. With Huening Kai no less, who would've thought. The very same boy you used to slap around, give swirlies in the toilet back in middle school, who you made eat my cum, may I remind you."
You wince at the memories, guilt eating at you from the distant past. You excused your actions by youthful stupidity, by the irrational joy you got when seeing his tears. Even now, you like tasting them. But hurting him isn't how you want to continue. 
"Kai doesn't mean shit," you lie. It's so obvious though. You wouldn't believe it yourself. Yeonjun only makes you feel worse when he keeps smiling like an idiot. 
"Oh, he doesn't mean shit?" He questions. 
You meekly nod.
"Then it shouldn't matter that he's out with some girl then right?"
You sit up straighter and look wide-eyed at Yeonjun, "What?"
Yeonjun picks at his teeth like he's bored, but he has the most amused expression. "Just came back from a bar with Soobin before I saw you. Saw Kai and some chick there, she was chatting him up. Not that it matters though right?"
There's no time wasted when you grab your things. Your bag aggressively slings on your shoulder, almost hitting Yeonjun in the face. "What bar?"
"I thought you said he didn't mean shit?" He teases.
"For fucks sake Yeonjun what bar!" 
Yeonjun glances uneasily at the onlookers giving you dirty looks, but you couldn't care less. You can feel your heart pounding in your ears, the tightening in your chest. You think you might cry out of frustration if he keeps playing with you.
"I'll only tell you if you promise-"
"Yes!" You rise to your feet, seething. "You wanna see me get fucked? Done. Just tell me what bar."
-
Beomgyu's Bar is for college students only. The sun has barely begun to set, so there's not many people in the building. It doesn't take long to spot Kai's black hair peeking from one of the booths. He's with the same girl from the library you recognize. She obviously did her hair nicely, as if she wanted to impress him.
As if it was a date.
Anger boils in you, but you can't will yourself to move. Now that you're actually here, you don't know what to do. Should you go over there and make your presence known? Steal Kai away like last time? Should you just watch and see how things unfold?
That feeling of helplessness settles in your chest, and you feel the unfamiliar sting of tears in your eyes.
This was a dumb idea. You have no right being here, concerned about who Kai’s with. Not after how you've treated him, how you've talked down to him. Still, you can't stop staring at him from across the room.
Kai must feel your gaze because his head turns from the girl he's talking with to you instead. He recognizes you immediately even under the strobing lights. Your eyes widen at the attention, and you scramble for the exit. 
He jumps to his feet to follow you instantly, ignoring how his companion tries  to pull him back down by the sleeve.
"Where are you going?" She asks. "Do you wanna leave? We can go back to my place and-"
"I'm so sorry Anitta but I really need to do something," Kai doesn't even look her in the eyes. He focuses on freeing himself from her grip.
"Now? It can't wait?"
"No," He deadpans. "Can you please let go?"
"But Hyuka-"
"Don't call me that!" Kai surprises himself with the outburst. Not many people call him that nickname, only you've been consistent with the title since elementary. Strangely, it just sounds wrong when someone else says it. 
The sternness in his voice makes Anitta loosen her grip just enough for Kai to run away. There's no protesting as Kai runs out of the bar, his goal set on finding you.
You left merely a minute ago, you shouldn't have gone far. Kai spots you in the parking lot, looking in your bag for your keys. He doesn't know why you were there, or what to say, but what he does know is that he needs to be with you.
Within a few long strides, Kai reaches you. 
He doesn't need to say anything for you to know he's there, you can feel the warmth of his body behind you. With shaky breaths, you slowly turn to face him. You try to discreetly wipe your tears before you fully face him, sniffing. 
"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend?" You hate yourself for being snarky, but what else are you supposed to do? Fall to your knees and ask for forgiveness? Tell him that you can actually be a decent human being despite the decade of torture?
Kai doesn't let your sarcastic words get to him - he’s used to them. Still, you can see a twinge of pain in his eyes. "You know that's not true," His voice is barely above a whisper. As if he might scare you away if he talks too loudly. 
"Isn't it?" Your voice rises. You don’t share his concern for volume. "At a bar of all places! So what,you get a taste of pussy and think you can get it all?"
Kai looks like his eyes might bulge from their sockets at your crudeness. He shakes his head feverishly, "No! It's nothing like that. She offered to go out-"
You put your hand up, silencing him. "I don't wanna hear it. It's better to have a slut like me to learn how to fuck than go with a good girl. I made it really easy for you didn't I? Here I was, thinking I was being too much of a bitch to you when really-"
"Stop!" Kai finally raises his voice. Your voice dies in your throat. Never has Kai commanded, let alone yelled, at you. There's a certain determination in his eyes that you've never seen before. It makes your heart speed, your legs tremble.
"Stop calling yourself that," Kai speaks softer this time. "Calling yourself...names. I never even thought those things about you. Ever. I mean, I do think about you, but not like that."
Despite being angry a second ago, your chest flutters at his confession. "...You think about me?"
As if realizing what he said, Kai blushes. It takes a moment before he nods, eyes finding the asphalt beneath his feet. "Yes. A lot actually."
You're still hesitant about it though, "Because I'm a bitch to you?"
Kai's head snaps up and he shakes it again, "No! Not at all..." He trails off for a moment, as if reconsidering what he said. The pause makes your heart clench. You should have known. Years of bullying would always stick no matter how much you sucked his dick.
"Well, you are...mean to me," he confirms. "But it's more than that. I kind of want you to do that to me. It's weird, and I honestly think there's something wrong with me. I just wanna be your dog sometimes."
Now it's your eyes that widen, a small laugh escaping into the air. 
Since being with Kai more, you've caught on that he tends to say outlandish things. You would pretend that it was stupid and make fun of him for it, but you've always thought it was cute. 
"Sorry," he gives you a sideways smile. "But it's true. Whether you treat me like a cat or a dog, I just wanna be with you. Yes, you gave me a hard time growing up. And yes...a part of me is still scared of the next thing you'll have me do."
You open your mouth to reassure him that it won't happen again, but he beats you to it.
"But I'd do it. I'd do it again even if it meant brushing my teeth for hours. If it meant having to buy new underwear all the time because of the stains. None of it matters to me except you."
"Hyuka..." You can taste your tears on your lips. You don't deserve this, him. Yet here he is, using his shaky hands to wipe your tears.
"I'm serious. If you don't want me to see her again I won't. Just tell me what to do-"
"No," you choke back on your sobs. "Hyuka how can you still want me after everything I've done to you? I'm a horrible person. I've made you do horrible things. I've treated you horribly. Even now, I ruined your date and made it all about me."
Kai's warm touch is soothing to your wrecked state. You can hear cars pulling up and people walking. If they're watching you and Kai, he must not care to notice. His gentle grasp on you stays, his eyes never leaving yours. 
"You're not a horrible person, and you didn't ruin anything. I've been trying to find an excuse to leave anyway. You saved me if anything," Kai admits. 
Your hands clasp over his, your thumb stroking the back of his hand. You both stand in silence, letting your breathing even out. Kai is patient as ever, softly humming under his breath.
That's another habit you've picked up on. You can sometimes hear him sing in the shower, when he's choosing a movie to put on for background noise.
"Oh wow," Kai sounds in awe. You blink a few times to see him looking up, and you mimic his movement. The sun has nearly fully settled, giving the sky a beautiful blue hue.
"It's the blue hour," he says mindlessly. "Isn't it beautiful?."
Your gaze settles on Kai's features. His strong jawline, the little bump in his nose, his full bottom lip. "Yeah," you agree, eyes fixed to his face. "It is."
"Hyuka," you call him after a second. His eyes move away from the sight, but the look of awe never leaves as he looks at you. "I'm sorry." You can feel your tears build up again. "I know it's not enough, and I don't think there's anything I can do to make up for what I did. But I'm so sorry. I wish I could blame it on the fact that I was stupid, that I was drunk. But I can't, and I won't. I'm selfish, I'm mean, I'm messed up. There must be something wrong with me too because I still want you after everything."
"There's nothing wrong with you," he whispers. Kai tenderly kisses your tears away, licking his lips. "Or maybe there is, we can be messed up together."
You giggle at him, playfully smacking his chest. "That's such a loser thing to say."
Kai laughs with you, pearly whites glistening in the setting sun, "I was hoping you'd think I was a lover."
You shake your head, still keeping the smile on your face. "So now what?" You question. "Do we kiss or something?"
Kai only shrugs, "I'll do whatever you want to do."
"We should go back to my place," you reason quickly. "It's getting cold out here."
-
His lips are on yours the second you closed the door to your apartment. Kissing Kai is nothing like anything you've experienced before. He’s shaky, messy, uncoordinated, and you love every second of it. You wonder why you never kissed him before. 
You lead him towards your room, both of you tripping and slipping off your shoes. Hushed giggles filled the air as you finally opened your bedroom door.
It’s then that Kai decides to have some decency, "You don't have roommates?"
His lips are swollen and flushed from kissing. Your eyes catch how his hair points in all directions from the previous makeout session in the car. 
You roll your eyes and slam your door closed loudly. "What about it? Take off your pants and get on the bed."
Kai is quick to listen to your directions, fumbling with his belt as you lead him to the bed. 
His hands tremble from anxiousness, struggling to unclasp himself. You take pity on him and sit him on the edge of the bed, falling to your knees. 
"You don't need to rush, Hyuka," you soothingly tell him. Your hands run up and down his thighs, trying to get them to relax. "We can take things slow. Plus I've already seen your dick. A little too late to be shy about showing me that, hm?"
Kai gives you an apologetic smile and nods, "Yeah sorry." You hear him take a deep breath and slowly let it out. Once he's calmed down enough he looks down at you and nods again, a sign to keep going. 
Carefully, you remove his belt and toss it on the ground. You maintain eye contact when you unbutton the top of his pants, moving down to lower his zipper. Kai keeps his eyes trained on yours, a habit you had taught him whenever you gave him head. 
He lifts his hips upwards so you can pool his pants around his ankles. You eye the tent in his boxers, licking your bottom lip. 
"This all for me?" You tease, using your hands to play with his waistband. When he doesn't answer, you pull back on the elastic on his underwear and let it go. The snap sound echoes in your room, and Kai jolts from the slight stinging sensation. 
"Yes! Yes it's all for you." His voice is whiny, eager to be pleased. 
Maybe you should go easier on him, you had a heart to heart with him less than an hour ago. Still, a part of you feels like you've been going too easy on him in the bedroom. Here he is, expecting pleasure from you the moment you bring him to your place. 
You've made Kai quite the whore. 
This is his first time fucking, and that knowledge alone makes you back off from your usual antics. With a smile on your face, you shimmer his boxers off. You can see his ears turn red when you coo at the sight of his hard cock. 
"It's so hard. I can't believe it's like this when I haven't even touched you. Thought you'd get tired of me." You speak mindlessly. 
"I always get like this when I think of you," Kai confesses in a small voice. Your chest blooms with butterflies, returning his blush. "And I'd never get tired of you," he quickly adds. "Never."
To show your gratitude for his words, you grasp his cock in one hand while you place your other hand on his thigh. You stroke him gently, moving to engulf his tip in skin before dragging it down. Kai hums gratefully and grips the sheets. 
It doesn't take long to hear the slick from his pre-cum. Your whole body starts following his strokes as if you're riding him.  Saliva starts to pool in your mouth from watching your hand get all the attention. Still, the emptiness in your throat isn't enough to stop. You love seeing his face twist in pleasure, the way his neck looks when his head is thrown back. 
Unconsciously, you begin to bounce on air. You pussy clenches around nothing, dripping with arousal. You're neglecting yourself from what you crave, what you need. It's been a long time since your pussy has been stuffed. Excluding Kai's tongue and your fingers, there hasn't been much action going on. You couldn't picture yourself sleeping with anyone so long as you were seeing Kai.
Now you’ve been given his dick on a platter, his tip an angry red with bulging veins. Experimentally, you bring your hand upwards to rub the head of his cock. Kai writhes in overstimulation, his hips jerking backwards to escape your touch. 
You hum, understanding. "Sensitive huh? You think you can take my pussy next?"
There's a little spark of panic in his eyes, but determination overpowers it. "I can take it." Kai fidgets with the blankets nervously, "I dunno if I'll be any good."
You take your hand off his length and rise to your feet. "You don't need to be good, Hyuka. Just lie there like a good boy and I'll do all the work." Your fingers grasp the hem on your shirt and you lift the material over your head. 
Kai has seen your boobs before. You've let him place his dick between them and use it like a fleshlight. He never gets bored of the sight though, and his dick jumps again in excitement. 
You throw the blouse in the same direction of his belt. Teasingly, you cup yourself and massage your breasts. "Your turn."
Kai hesitates in taking off his shirt, but seeing you playing with your tits encourages him to do so. He doesn't try to think about how you're staring at him as he tucks his arms in the holes and lifts the shirt over his head. 
To praise him, you reach behind your back to unclasp your bra. 
You take a few steps closer to Kai so his face is in your chest. He looks up at you as you place a nipple in his mouth, needing some type of stimulation. He obeys, sticking his tongue out to taste your skin. 
His lips suck on your bud, moving his hands to wrap around your bare torso. 
Kai's tongue flicks against your nipple, making you moan. He switches from one boob to the next, unsure of which one to pay attention to. Kai settles for taking his time on each one. 
He notes how you whine when he sucks harshly, how you arch your back further into him when he captures your nipples between his teeth. Kai watches as your skin turns purple from his bruising, a sense of pride swelling in his chest. 
Your legs begin to tremble from the feeling. You keep a grasp on the back of his head to keep him close. The desire between your legs grows stronger. Your patience wears thin as you start undoing your jeans. 
Kai backs away to let you get fully undressed. He kicks his pants off from his ankles and helps you shimmy out of your underwear. 
Both of you are completely nude, exposed. It's a whole new sense of vulnerability. Before, clothes were a way to establish power. You would keep Kai either mostly clothed or naked from down under. It gave you a sense of superiority over him, but that's the last thing, if at all, that you want to feel from him now. 
Instead, you want to feel his body on yours. His hot skin kissing your own. You might always want to take charge in the bedroom, but you don't think you could ever look down on him ever again. 
How did you ever do it in the first place?
You place yourself on his lap, pushing him down by his chest to lay him on the bed. His chest rises and falls rapidly, mouth slightly open to catch his breath. You shush quietly, an attempt to calm him down once again. "It's okay, Hyuka. I'm right here."
Some seconds pass before you place yourself above his hips. You hover over him, knees either side of his waist. Your hand reaches down to grab the base of his cock, angling it towards your entrance. Kai's hands are still fisting the sheets, but you tell him that it's okay to grab you instead.
He listens and takes ahold on your hips, sinking into the bed further. 
To let Kai get used to the feeling, you run the tip on his cock over your pussy lips, letting your arousal gather. The warmth of your sexes makes both of you moan. 
"It's so warm," he notices. You giggle and look up at him, "It's even warmer inside."
Rather than looking nervous, Kai smiles back at you expectantly. 
You take that as a green light to take him in. Slowly, you push the head of his dick inside. The crown spreads you slightly, and you have to bite your bottom lip from moaning too loudly. Kai whimpers at the first feel of your pussy, his grip tightening on you for a second. 
You sink on him a few more inches before moving back up, letting your cunt adjust to his size. There's slight pain on your part, but you're so wet that it's far too easy to slide back down. The ache only mixes with the pleasure each time you take him deeper.
Kai seems to appreciate you taking your time. His hips stay on the bed obediently, taking in the feeling of your walls gushing around him. It's not until you sit on him fully, your ass to his thighs, that he cries out. He swears he sees white from the tight pleasure, the way his cock fits snug in you.
Perfect.
With trembling thighs, you let yourself settle on Kai's girth. He's stretching you out fully, and you swear you can feel him deep in your stomach. The depth makes you twitch and squeeze around him, eyes rolling to the back of your head. 
You trail your hands upwards so they rest on his shoulders. "This okay?"
Kai opens his mouth only to moan in response. He's babbling nonsense, but he's nodding rapidly. You can make out a few yes's and a string of curses, making you laugh. Experimentally, you rock your hips on him. The movement makes him whimper, his hands falling further down to grip your ass. 
You set the pace, lifting yourself a few inches up before dropping back down. The feel of his cock dragging inside of you sends shivers down your spine. There's nothing you wish more than to bury yourself deep in his cock, spasming around him. You think you could cum from just squeezing him, but Kai is practically drooling for how you're riding him.
It doesn't take long for the pace to pick up. Especially with how his fingers are digging into the flesh of your ass, itching to pick you up himself just to slam you back down. His hips start thrusting upwards to meet you halfway. 
Your breasts bounce from the force, a series of moans leaving your lips from every thrust. Neither of you care about how loud your thrusts are, skin on skin. If anything, that sound mixed with the wet slapping spurns you on more. Kai picks his head up to watch where you both connect and his dick disappears inside you, imprinting the image into his mind .
The sight alone makes Kia's balls tense. You're so warm, wet, and tight for him that he can feel his release getting closer. Thinking about finishing inside of you is beyond what Kai could have ever wished for. Making you his in any way possible, painting you in his skin in the most vulnerable way. 
It's then that Kai realizes you both have missed a crucial step. 
"Condom!" He chokes out. "C-condom. We didn't...we didn't..." Kai stutters from the power of his orgasm. It hits him so suddenly, his eyes sting from tears. It's embarrassing to cum so quickly, yet how could he not? You just feel too good.
If you heard Kai, you paid no attention to it. Instead, you help him ride out his high. You can feel his cum bury itself deep inside you, hoping to get you pregnant. He came a lot though, as expected from a virgin. Some of it slips out and drips down onto your bed. Not that you mind - it's kind of cute. 
Your hips slow when Kai's moans settle down. He seems to like you rocking on him gently, milking him for every drop. Kai blinks up at you as a few tears fall, making you clench around him.
"I didn't mean to," he sobs. His hands trails up back to your waist as he cries. "I'm s-sorry. I really didn't-"
You shut him up by leaning down and placing a soft kiss on his lips. His cries muffle, but he soon starts kissing you back. Kai presses you closer to him at your taste, finding solace in your touch. You pull away gently, watching how he chases after your lips blindly.
"There's nothing to be sorry about Hyuka," you console. Your hands trail up and down his chest lovingly. "I wanted you to, I liked it."
"Y-You did?" he sniffs.
Nodding, you tell him, "I did. So you don't have to feel bad. We can take care of it in the morning." Kai nods at you, though his eyes still look unsure. 
You decide that you won't have the opportunity to cum tonight, lifting yourself off him. 
Kai's touch surprises you when he keeps you still on his softening cock. "But...you didn't..." He looks up at you shyly, pressing his cock deeper to get his point across. 
You mewl at the feeling, tensing for a moment. "It's okay. We don't have to, I know you're tired."
Despite his sleepy eyes, Kai shakes his head. "I'm not. Use me. I can still be good for you."
Kai gently thrusts his hips upwards, not as deep but still enough to make a whole new warmth of gush leave your pussy. There's no way in hell you can deny yourself from pleasure any longer. Even if his dick isn't as hard, you can still use him, like he offered.
Kai hisses from how feverishly you begin to bounce on his cock. He's still so sensitive, but your need to cum outweighs the care for his own pain. He needs to see how you cum around his dick. Even if you rub him raw, fuck him for hours on end, the feeling of your cunt dripping with your cum around him is all he can think about.
Tears once again prick his eyes, and your hips rock faster upon seeing them. Kai's length is so hot and slippery in you, you can feel your orgasm approaching you quickly. The warmth in your belly builds, chills covering your body.
Still being the obedient boy he is, Kai doesn't stop fucking up into you. Not even when the tears fall down his cheeks or the moans are tumbling uncontrollably from his lips again. You swear you see his eyes go crossed from the overstimulation, spurring you on further. 
No matter how nice you'll be with Kai, no matter how much love you'll give him, seeing him cry will always be your favorite sight.
The building of heat in your stomach finally bursts, flooding your orgasm on Kai's cock. You twitch and moan when you cum, clenching harshly on Kia's abused dick. Kai rocks his hips against you to ride out your high, mimicking how you did for him.
You steady yourself on his shoulder before collapsing on him chest to chest. Both of you breathe raggedly, sweaty bodies mingling with each other. You both pay no mind, opting to stay still instead. 
Nobody makes a move to pull Kai out of you. Not that you wanted to, it felt rather nice to have him inside. 
Silence falls over you two as you steady your breaths. It's as though the world stopped moving. All you can feel is Kai's embrace as he wraps his arms around you. You snuggle closer to him, planting a brief kiss on his chest.
"How are you feeling?" You ask, lifting your head up to see him.
Kaipeers up at you, looking thoughtful. "I feel...thirsty."
You adjust yourself so that you're supporting yourself on the palm of your hands, preparing to get up. "I can get some water-"
"No. You stay here, I can get it." Kai easily lifts you off his dick, both of you whining at the loss of contact. He sets you beside him and sits up, grabbing his clothes that he hastily puts on. 
He gives you one last look before slipping out of your room. You take this brief time to collect your thoughts, your feelings. 
Or so you try until your phone goes off. You sit up to search for the device on the floor, spotting it near your pants. You crawl off the bed, legs aching from being in one position for so long. Once the phone is in your hand, you climb back in bed and open your notification. 
Yeonjun: i expect my compensation within the next few weeks
You groan, hating yourself for agreeing to his terms. There's no time to think about responding when Kai walks in with two glasses of water and a towel he must've found. 
You shut your phone off and welcome your new lover back in bed. You'll have to worry about your promise to Yeonjun another time.
a/n: and thats a wrap! thank you so much for reading this little series and I hope you enjoyed it! I did *slightly* hint at an epilogue, but we'll see if I actually do it. huge thanks to @then-make-me for editing and revising!! this was defo a chore im sure! thank you so much!
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gremlinmodetweeker · 5 months ago
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riffing off socially awkward deeply anxious König, do you think he would do better digitally? chatting with someone he met online or someone who streams an obscure game? you have a lovely relationship with him and then before you meet in person he's like so. i'm. very. awkward. as a real person. i might not. talk a lot. you'll be carrying the conversation, don't take it personally. you have a captive audience for ANY topic. anything. you want. and why is it going to be a/b/o's spn origins
Okay yes this absolutely. I can totally write something for that. I hope this story suffices!
Now, I have no idea what you mean by the omegaverse, but I could try making an omegaverse!König if you’d like. I do not understand by spn omegaverse origins. Please feel free to either respond here or ask in my inbox. It should be open??? Tell me if it isn’t.
Anyways, onto the story! More below the cut.
König Prefers Quiet Time
König is a voracious reader, so he’s rather verbose and eloquent when online. His messages are witty, insightful, yet practical and grounded. He’s quick to become your best online friend. After all, he’s so well-spoken! He writes beautiful paragraphs that are easy and amusing to read. It’s rare to find such a delightful person online.
And he’s so quick to win over your heart. Whenever he can be, he there’s for you. He’ll take pictures and videos of sights on deployment or jot down little stories to tell you when he can. Sometimes he can drop off the face of the earth, but he’ll be back online soon enough and messaging you about how his latest mission went and what he did (within reason, can’t give away secrets).
Every time he comes back online, you know you’re in for a good time. Whether it’s him complaining about teammates, or having to argue about directions with a local, he’s got fantastic (yet terribly awkward) stories about his days. He always says he’s so shy and hates social situations, and sure he sometimes sounds a bit strange when he recounts the stories, but they're so fun that you don't really take in how it would look from an outside perspective. Sure, he sounds a bit dorky in these stories, but still so eloquent! He’s got this little way of describing things with abstract metaphors that make you smile and wish you were there by his side.
It took a lot to convince him to have a relationship with you. It’s not that he doesn’t like you, it’s that you ask to meet up in person. He tells you that he’s happy to meet you, but then why does he suddenly have more missions? He’s so punctual, but he missed his flight? When he goes on about having a stubbed toe, you have to put your foot down. You want to see him, and that’s final.
Begrudgingly, he books a vacation with you.
When you go to pick him up from the airport, the first thing that stands out about him is how tall he is. Then how big. You didn’t think they made people in that size. This guy has Shaquille O’Neil running for his money. Like, how? And then you realize that he’s crouching down to make himself look smaller. It’s insanity. At the very least, he’s easy to pick out in a crowd, what with his hood and all. You do worry about him fitting in the car, though.
So you go up to him, and then he sees you and he looks nothing but elated. It’s a beautiful moment between you two. In that hectic airport, with people calling in many languages and bags squeaking and the cars outside honking and revving their engines, it’s perfectly silent and beautiful. It’s a wonderful moment that you think you’ll cherish until you die.
The next moment is where it all falls apart.
He accidentally drops his bag and it spills everywhere. He scrambles to pick it up and he keeps looking around with wide eyes of terror so you take pity on the poor lad and lean down to help. He then promptly stands up and cracks the crown of his head against your nose and now your nose is bleeding and oh no he dropped his bag again and now he’s apologizing and then he’s rushing to the bathroom and you’re left with the realization that you fell in love with an absolute mess. 
By the time he’s back, your nose has stopped bleeding and you’re packing his belongings back into his pack. He tries to silently offer you tissues, so you take them and wipe your nose tenderly, but when you make a joke about it he doesn’t say anything. Odd, but maybe he’s just a bit frazzled.
You’re driving back home when he finally says his first words to you besides ‘hi’, ‘sorry’ and ‘oh no’.
“Thank you,” he says as he stares at the road ahead.
“What, for the drive?” you laugh, “it’s no problem! I mean, it’s not too bad. It’s about an hour’s drive, but I’m fine with that!”
König says nothing, just nods as you speak. You’re starting to worry that you picked up the wrong person. Where was the confident and friendly man you spoke to online? Where was his friendly joking? At least you now understand his awkward and amusing stories he told you, because even though you love him, you can’t help but feel terribly awkward. If he’s this bad with you, you can only imagine how bad it is with others.
You were prepared for someone who was going to talk your ear off, but you felt like you just picked up a skinwalker instead. Was he even blinking? You can’t tell. He looks shell-shocked as he gazes off into the distance.
“So, um, how was the flight?” you ask with a wide smile.
“Gut.”
Anything more? No? Nothing more. Well, that’s helpful.
“Did they give you anything to eat on the flight? Are you hungry?” you ask, hoping to pry more than a couple words out of him.
“I ate,” he says quietly.
You nod and bite your lip. So this is what it was going to be like?
You take him into your home. For the entire night he refuses to take a step outside.
By the time noon rolls around the next day, you decide to take the initiative and knock on his door.
“Hey, König?” you call.
You get a hum from behind the door.
“Can I come in?” you ask nervously.
There’s a pause, then a hiss and a curse, then the door opens.
“Thanks,” you whisper as you squeeze by him, but he doesn't move to let you in any easier.
König sits delicately on the edge of the bed while you sit on a stool across from him. You look at each other for a few moments before you crack.
“Am I… Am I not what you thought I’d be?” you ask nervously.
König tilts his head as he narrows his eyebrows.
“I mean, just…” you sigh, “you talked so much online, but you’ve barely said a word since I picked you up from the airport. Are you okay? Is there something wrong?”
You hesitate for a moment, before you tack on, “Is there something wrong with us?”
König’s eyes slowly widen before he shakes his head quickly, the fabric swinging like a dog shaking after a dip in a lake.
“Nein, you are…” he gestures towards you with one hand, “you are perfect. It’s just… Ah…”
You brace yourself.
“I am not good at talking,” he admits.
You deflate. That’s it? He’s not good at talking?
“But you’re fine online,” you point out.
“Ja, but this is… It is different,” he sighs, “I am not good at talking to people in person. It is.. Scary. I do not like to talk much.”
You nod as you listen carefully.
“So…” you rub your thumb over your kneecap, “would you like me to do most of the talking for us? Would that make things easier for you?”
König nodded quickly.
You laugh as you feel your shoulders relax.
“Great. I think I can do that.”
From then on, the visit is wonderful. Now that you know that König just isn’t great at talking in person, it’s a delight to talk to him. Sometimes you think you talk at him, but you realize pretty quickly that he’s listening attentively to everything you say. He’s a delight to speak to. If you ever lose your train of thought, he’s quick to help you get it back so he can listen to you further.
You realize pretty quickly that he worries too much. When you take him out to places, he’s nervous and flighty. The louder and more chaotic, the worse his social anxiety gets. As such, you find yourself going to more quiet areas. You chill and relax in quiet cafes, go to the aquarium at night, even play some games at a board game cafe in the middle of the day, when there’s nobody else there.
He’s a friendly man, all things considered. You also quickly learn the basis of his awkward stories.
You’re at a grocery store when you see it in action.
“Oh my God you’re so tall!” a woman looks up at your boyfriend with wide eyes.
König barely turns to acknowledge her, but he gives her a curt nod.
“Can you, like, help me with something?” she asks eagerly.
König looks down at you, then back to the woman.
“What is it?” his voice is sharply cold, and you can see the woman wince.
“Well, um, there’s this thing on the top shelves, and I was hoping you could get it for me?” she says, a bit nervously.
“What is it?” he’s somehow worse than last time.
“Um, uh, I can show it to you?” she offers meekly.
��I need to know what it is,” König practically tears her head off with how brutal he sounds.
You grab his hand and squeeze slightly, but it seems like it’s all going downhill too quickly.
“It’s-”
König turns to face her abruptly and she’s stumbling back before scurrying off. König watches her go, then turns to you.
“Why did she go?” he asks innocently. You can hardly believe him.
“König…” you start slowly, “is that how you usually speak to strangers?”
He thinks for a moment, then nods.
“König I think I know why you think people hate you.”
König’s eyebrows raise up for a moment, “You do?”
You nod, and give him a brief explanation. You can see his brain doing somersaults in his head, practically melting out his ears as his entire world view is shattered before him. Before he can respond properly, the woman is coming back with security in tow.
It’s no wonder König has so many interesting awkward stories.
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awkward-walking-potato · 4 months ago
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Precious Little Bunny
Satoru gojo x reader
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The first time I saw him, I knew my life would never be the same.
It was just an ordinary day at Jujutsu High, or at least as ordinary as a day could be in a place where curses lurked around every corner and sorcerers trained to battle the darkness. I was new to the school, fresh out of my last mission and still getting used to the idea of being around other sorcerers. My curse, though mostly harmless, had always been something of an embarrassment. It wasn't something that helped me in battle, didn't grant me any special power or insight. All it did was this: whenever I got happy or excited, a pair of fluffy bunny ears and a cotton tail appeared on my body, impossible to hide.
I’d learned to keep my emotions in check, to stay calm, even when I felt anything but. After all, the last thing I wanted was to be known as the girl with the ridiculous bunny ears. And for the most part, I had succeeded—until that day.
I was walking down the hallway, trying to find my classroom, when I felt it. A presence. A powerful one. I turned the corner, and there he was—Satoru Gojo, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, the one everyone talked about in hushed whispers, like he was more myth than man.
But he was no myth. He was standing right there, casually leaning against the wall, his snowy white hair perfectly tousled, and his signature blindfold concealing those mysterious eyes. He was tall, confident, and had an aura that practically crackled with power. My heart skipped a beat, and I could feel the warmth spreading through my chest, the unmistakable signs of a crush blooming far too quickly.
And then it happened.
I felt a familiar tingling at the top of my head and at the base of my spine. No, no, not now, not in front of him! I tried to force it down, but it was too late. My bunny ears popped out, soft and twitching with my nervousness, and I just knew the tail had followed suit.
Heat flooded my cheeks as I tried to turn away, hoping he hadn’t noticed. But of course, he had.
“Oh?” His voice was light, teasing, but there was an undercurrent of curiosity that made my stomach do flips. “What do we have here?”
I froze, every muscle tensing as I turned back to face him. He had pushed up his blindfold just enough to reveal one eye—a brilliant shade of blue that seemed to pierce right through me. A slow, mischievous smile spread across his face.
“A bunny? How cute.”
I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Instead, I stammered out some incoherent excuse, trying to cover my ears with my hands, but they were too big and fluffy to hide. Gojo took a step closer, and I felt my heart race, the tingling sensation only growing stronger.
“What’s your name?” he asked, tilting his head as if he was examining a curious new object.
“I-I’m Y/N,” I managed to get out, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Well, Y/N,” he said, his voice warm and playful, “you’re the most adorable thing I’ve seen all day. Do those ears appear whenever you’re around someone you like?”
I stared at him, my eyes wide. How did he know? Was it that obvious?
He chuckled softly, a sound that sent shivers down my spine. “You can’t hide it from me, little bunny. You like me, don’t you?”
I opened my mouth to protest, but nothing came out. I felt trapped under his gaze, and not in a bad way. It was like he could see right through me, right into the parts of me I tried so hard to keep hidden.
And then, just when I thought I couldn’t get any more embarrassed, he reached out and gently tapped one of my ears. I nearly jumped out of my skin, and he laughed—a genuine, delighted laugh that made my heart skip another beat.
“Relax,” he said, his tone suddenly softer, almost tender. “I think it’s cute. You don’t have to be embarrassed around me.”
I stared up at him, completely at a loss for words. No one had ever reacted like this before. Usually, people found my curse weird or awkward, but Gojo… he seemed to like it. He seemed to like me.
“From now on,” he said, leaning in just a little closer, “I think I’ll call you my precious little bunny.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I felt the ears twitch again, giving away just how flustered I was. But I couldn’t bring myself to care. There was something about the way he said it, with a warmth that made me feel like maybe, just maybe, it was okay to let my guard down a little. To let myself feel.
“Don’t worry,” he added, his voice a low murmur meant only for me. “I’ll keep your secret safe. But you might want to be careful around me—I tend to have that effect on people.”
With that, he gave me a wink and started to walk away, leaving me standing there, ears still twitching, tail still fluffy, and my heart thudding in my chest like a drum.
From that day on, every time I saw Gojo, the ears and tail would make their inevitable appearance. And every time, he’d smile, sometimes ruffling my hair, sometimes flicking one of the ears just to see me jump. But there was always that warmth in his gaze, that teasing affection that made my heart flutter despite my best efforts to stay calm.
I was his precious little bunny, and despite my initial embarrassment, I found that I didn’t mind it one bit.
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starogeorgina · 1 year ago
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Violent delights
Warnings: Swearing, character death
Pairings: Jacaerys Velaryon x oc
1.09
You push and slap at Daemon’s chest as he tries to hold you close. He says nothing as you take your anger and grief out on him. It’s not until your screams wake the children sleeping in the bedchamber next to your own that you finally snap out of the state you find yourself in. Daemon holds onto your hands as you crumble to your knees.
Lucerys was gone.
You look up at him through blurry eyes and ask, “Where’s my mother?”
“Being consoled by your grandmother and grandsire.”
Your lip begins to tremble. It didn’t seem real; Luke couldn’t be gone. Although you knew Daemon would never lie about something like this, you desperately wanted to believe it was a mistake. Lies being spread to cause the breakdown of the blacks—you didn’t want to believe Aemond had actually killed him. Your mouth is extremely dry as you ask, “What is to be done about this?”
“As of yet, nothing?”
“Nothing?” His answer enrages you. “My brother is gone. Murdered! The greens need to pay for what they have done.”
“Indeed, they will, my girl, but we need to think strategically. The one-eyed cunt will be well guarded, as will the rest of the greens, including the usurper. They will be waiting for us to attack.”
“Cat and mouse,” you mumble.
Daemon looks worried while helping you stand again. “I don’t quite understand.”
“A mouse hopes to make a break for freedom but doesn't for fear of being eaten by a cat. It’s something Alicent once told me.”
Unsure what to say, Daemon stares at you blankly, waiting for you to continue.
“They will think we are too afraid to leave Dragonstone. I’d place my bets on them coming here to surround us, then attacking.”
You straighten the crinkled material of your dress, and you think of all the times you watched Alicent do it. Whenever Aegon did something that could embarrass her, she would try her best to keep up appearances. Your mind goes to all the ways the greens could twist Aemond into being a kinslayer, but there is none. He will be damned by the gods for the remainder of his days, but now that the first death has happened, there is nothing preventing a full-blown war.
Daemon recognises the look on your face. “Lyarra, what is it?”
“They aren’t afraid of us.”
Even after Aegon usurped your own mother, you didn’t want to believe a war of such violence was going to happen between House Targaryen.
“Two wars are going to happen. The one for your mother's throne, and another for your granddaughter.”
You stand in front of a small part of the black council. Your mother had been weeping in her bedchamber for hours; she was inconsolable. Daemon was busy putting things in place for part of his plan to protect his family, which required him to leave Dragonstone, and with Jacaerys in Winterfell, it fell upon you to try and hold the fort. A burden you wished not to bear.
“Where are the queen and prince, Consort?” Your grandsire asks.
“Prince Daemon is currently attending to other matters, and her grace is still suffering from her recent losses,” your grandmother answers. “With Prince Jacaerys securing the support of the north, the burden of war falls upon our granddaughter.”
You gulp down. Ser Erryk, Baela, Rhaena, and your grandparents wait for you to continue. “Admittedly, I know little about war strategies, but I was married to the usurper, and I believe that might give me some insight.”
Your grandsire raises his brows. “Insight?”
“Alicent will do whatever she can to try and salvage the green’s reputation, which will be even more difficult after last night.” Whispers had reached the island, and Aegon threw a feast to celebrate his brother Aemond killing Lucerys. “I have sent a raven to OldTown addressed to Prince Daeron, expressing my concern for the safety of his sister and her children. And I’ve sent a raven to Otto Hightower, telling him the same thing.”
Rhaena steps forward and asks, “Why? The greens usurped the rightful heir to the throne—”
“As guilty as Aegon is, his children didn’t steal my mother's throne or kill my brother.” Daemon’s words of eye for eye echo in your mind, and although you wanted revenge, you disagreed. “If we do anything to harm the innocent,” you take a deep breath and push back tears, causing your voice to shake. “Lucerys was just a boy and deserved so much better, and his death shall be avenged, but if any of us do harm to Princess Helaena’s children, they will come for mine and my siblings. It will just turn into a vicious cycle until all the Targaryen children are gone.”
“And what of Princess Aemma? Otto has already made it clear that the usurper wants her back at the king's landing.”
Gritting your teeth, you say, “The Prince consort and I discussed this at length, and it’s been decided that the safest thing for my children is for us to leave. I will be traveling to Winterfell tonight to join my husband, who is still unaware of what’s happened to Lucerys. Once we are sure of our children’s safety, we will return to help fight for our mother's throne.”
“What of the queen’s other children?”
“My mother wishes for my siblings to remain by her side.”
Your grandsire takes over as the conversation turns to battle strategies, and not long after, Daemon joins you by the painted table. He gives you a curt nod, letting you know that part of the plan is done.
Elinda Massey, your mother's most loyal lady in waiting, was a saint; she somehow managed to cut your son's hair and dye it darker with mixed herbs and crushed roots from plants that grew on the island, along with your daughter, while Clara dyed yours. Clara had offered to travel along with you and your children, which you greatly appreciated since you would have felt guilty asking.
“Oh, my girl,” your mother says teary-eyed. “I wish it never came to this. I wish you and my grandchildren didn’t need to leave.”
“This isn’t forever. I will return soon with Jacaerys by my side, and then as soon as you’re sitting upon the iron throne, your grandchildren will return.”
“I’m proud of you, my sweetling.”
Before you can reply, Ser Erryk enters the room and says, “My queen, princess. The boat leaving Dragonstone is ready.”
“Thank you, Ser Erryke; the princess will be down shortly,” your mother says.
He bows his head and leaves.
Clara, Elinda, and yourself manage to carry your sleeping children to the boat while your mother holds Aemma in her arms while holding back tears. “Soon as they are safe, I will return, and I promise we will make things right.” You kiss your mother on the cheek before taking your daughter from her. “I love you, muña.”
“Take care, my girl.”
When the boat leaves Dragonstone, you take one last look at your home, watching it disappear into the distance quickly due to the darkness of the night sky. The last conversation with your stepfather replays in your head.
“It will never work. Firstly, Jace would never allow me to go through with it, and Alicent would see right through my act.” The plan Daemon had proposed was risky, but you understood his reasoning behind it. What concerned you was keeping it a secret; you couldn’t look your mother or husband in the eye and be dishonest.
“She would believe you are a mother doing anything you could to protect your child. As for Prince Jac—”
“He’d never forgive me.”
“Rhaenyra and Jacaerys will be furious with us at first, but trust me, they will in time come to agree that this is the only way.”
Muña - Mother
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gin-juice-tonic · 10 months ago
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can i ask how youre able to make so many comics or if you have any tips for aspiring internet funny comic makers? your gag comics are always so creative and funny and well-executed, and your longer form stuff is just a delight to read, i would love to know if u have any advice/insight into yr process
I'm not good at advice so you will have to bear with me here. Also I'm putting it under a readmore cause images make it into a long post. The like first 3/4th of this I talk about specific comics I did, but if you scroll to the end I tried to give some general advice.
My stuff is unfortunately very inspiration-based as opposed to planning-based. So my process might not be helpful if you're looking for something structured... The first thing I should say is I write down basically anything that pops into my head ever. I have a bunch of nonsensical tumblr drafts,
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I have stuff in my phones notes app,
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I have pages and pages of papers and post-it notes littering my apartment (if you want to know the extent, my sister asked me how I could live with my apartment being so "messy". The only messy thing in it is my papers scattered about). I find the paper stuff the best, because I can draw instead of just writing down concepts.
This is the page I did for the comic about Stan "comforting" Dipper over his unrequited crush on Wendy. (The tumblr version being here)
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You will notice aside from the order on the page being strange and some scratched out dialogue, there's not really evidence of a 'plan' here. That's because I was just drawing this as I was thinking it. You will also notice there are two random unrelated Ford drawings in the middle of the page. That's because I was drawing ANYTHING that I was thinking of.
And when I say write down anything, I do mean it. Write down something you did that week, something you remember from when you were 8, something you said out loud and laughed at, things you thought about in the shower, a fact you learned, what your friend had for dinner. See if you can apply it to something. I've mentioned before that this comic only exists because I ran out of toilet paper and went to buy a large bulk pack of it...
When I already have a base idea and just want to expand on it, I usually draw first ask questions later, and things seem to just snowball into being a story. As an example, for the comic I did about Dipper's swimsuit, the base idea was just "Dipper and Stan both wear fully covering swimwear - because they're trans and its what they're comfortable with." But when I went to look up what Dipper wore to the pool, i noticed mabel had a Star one piece suit
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Dipper has a star hat in the first episode that he loses, right? SO why don't we give him a matching star one piece that he abandons.
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Of course then that single drawing CREATES the story, because we have to explain how he eventually ends up in what he's wearing in the episode. And then I just draw and draw and draw until either the comic ends or I can't continue for whatever reason. The outline for the full thing usually forms while I'm drawing. If I'm worried about forgetting, I'll write down what comes next.
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Some of this stuff I didn't stick to, or greatly expanded upon. It's good to be flexible with what you're doing. If something you originally intended only to be a throwaway bit inspires you, roll with it and keep going. (If it ends up being nothing, you can always discard it or turn it into something else later anyway)
I did the swimsuit one basically fully on my computer, but if you want to see another paper based one, a lot of the comic with the kid stans and crampelter I'm doing currently is down on paper.
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If you can make out my writing, you can see it says "Crampelter has found out about Stan and Ford's boxing identities" at the top there, which was the general main idea of this part of the comic. This one was a lot more planned than the dipper swimsuit one. There's multiple pages of this sort of stuff, and I knew the idea I wanted was "If Ford and Stan are trans, why would they still be called those names as kids?" (So I guess the takeaway from this one is if you're wanting a structured comic, write down the main idea on the top of a page and brainstorm dialogue and drawings on it?)
There's a lot of sort of floating heads with dialogue, all that matters is I get the emotions or general idea drawn. They're important for me to draw out because being able to "see" the scene (even if I'm seeing it heavily unfinished) is what usually inspires the next bit of the comic.
And I know I talked like a lot already but some general other advice:
Draw, ask questions about what you've drawn, draw more to answer the questions, see if those new drawings ask any new questions, continue this process till you come to a satisfying resolution.
It's fine to not draw something immediately after you've thought of it. I have a lot of things I've just squirreled away for later. And in the same vein its okay to drag something old up that you've never used and try to work with it.
I almost always put on music while I'm trying to think of things. Something I feel fits the mood of what I'm doing tonally. And then I usually just put the same song on repeat, though some people im sure would feel like that is psychological torture. But its helpful to me.
This might sound silly if you're someone who leaves the house a societally normal amount, but I try to go out into the world and do things so I get new ideas and experiences I can build on. Sometimes those things are literally just "go to the park", but sometimes it's venturing out somewhere several hours away or doing an activity i'd never care to do normally... I try to take note of anything that stood out to me and write down thoughts or feelings I had during.
When it comes to trying to be "funny", you should try to make yourself laugh first. Not only because you want your comics to bring yourself joy, but also because its just hard to make stuff you don't care about (And harder to be consistent about it). Though if you think of something and you don't really think its funny, you don't have to throw it away! You might be surprised what other people end up liking. So don't kill yourself to write jokes you yourself don't really get, but if your brain spits out something on its own you dont care much for, it still may be gold to someone else.
It's okay to make comics about simple and relatable things. People love relating. And depending on what you're writing about, that relatability may be really needed!
Everyone has something of value to say. Even if you yourself don't feel like the things you're saying matter, or that they're too silly or un-serious to matter. They matter.
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le-trash-prince · 5 months ago
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Exploring Food as a Motif in This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans
While there's probably a lot to be said about cooking within the show, what I want to explore are meals and moments where food or drink are shared (or withheld) between characters—and what this says about them and their relationships with each other. This will definitely be a series, as there's a few upcoming moments in teasers that stood out to me.
First of all, I want to establish my perspective that sharing food, or drink, or even a smoke is an act of connection between people. It shows a basic level of instinctive trust—it's a show of faith that you are not being poisoned. Food can then be used in media to show both trust and distrust, to send an insult, or to show care and love.
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The opening scene of the series focuses on Plawan's meal at Oab's restaurant. Plawan is eating alone, with his camera on the entire time.
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Even though Plawan clearly enjoys and appreciates the food, vocally expressing his delight, Oab is immediately displeased with him, and points out that Plawan is disrupting other guests.
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At this point in time, Plawan is not successfully connecting with other people through food (though not for lack of trying, in his own would-be influencer way). He ignores the guests around him in favor of recording content for his struggling channel.
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Later, he invites his agent out for coffee in order to garner favors from her, using food as a peace offering that is immediately rescinded when he asks her to help with the bill.
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We can see that his agent has ordered a simple black coffee and a water, while Plawan has a more expensive, iced, sweetened drink. Presumably, Plawan has offered to share his dessert with her, but her plate is completely clean, indicating she didn't take him up on the offer. Likewise, his attempts to butter her up fail, and she storms out of the cafe without agreeing to find him another job or to help with his utility bills.
Plawan has attempted and failed to make a connection over food, but his attempt was largely self-serving. In the same way, his relationship with food is centered on his own enjoyment. He says it was difficult to get a reservation at Oab's table, but he didn't invite anyone to go with him, in spite of having a table for two.
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This contrasts heavily with the perspective of a chef who makes food for other people, to the point of centering his entire restaurant around accommodating his (ex) girlfriend's food allergy.
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Even when Plawan does cook for JJ, they're not sharing a meal together—Plawan is just using JJ as a taste-tester. We don't know if Plawan has even tried his own cooking, based on his insistence that a dish will be delicious, only to have it turn JJ's stomach.
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This is as opposed to Nub Nueng giving one of his desserts to Oab, followed by the statement, "If you're selling your restaurant, I'm selling mine too."
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The dessert is an offering from Nub Nueng, his way of caring for his friend. Oab rejects Nub Nueng's offer to sell the cafe, but he does take Nub Nueng's advice about running a contest. Likewise, he fails to take a single bite during the scene, but he still accepts the dessert, pulling it closer and picking up the spoon.
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As opposed to Plawan, who hasn't learned how to connect with people through food, Oab, however, has lost the connection that inspired his restaurant, and in doing so has lost his passion for cooking.
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All he is left with are his unspoken and difficult-to-meet ideals of how people should engage with food.
I plan on doing this for each episode, since PRESUMABLY the cooking show will feature people eating/drinking in every episode. I'm no chef nor an expert on Thai cuisine, so it would be more than welcome if anyone has insight into the specific dishes that people are eating and what those might say. I'm much more of a beverages person, and this was largely spurred on by my need to stare at whatever people are drinking in any given scene.
Part 2 here
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unquietspiritao3 · 2 months ago
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hecklers welcome vinyl review and thoughts on how the heck james did this
excessive and spoilery comedy-nerd thoughts on the hecklers welcome vinyl/kettering recording below the cut!
James was not lying when he said this recording was of a very chaotic gig. The amount of heckling got so out of hand, he had to give up on his planned material in the end. Which I was expecting going into it, because I'd seen someone on tumblr who was at the Kettering show saying the same thing. If I hadn't had that warning, though, and if I didn't have my own bootleg recording of the NYC show I went to, I might've been disappointed at just how little of the actual material made it onto this vinyl.
All that said, I'm glad I have this recording, because one of the things I love most about comedy is dissecting how it works! And thanks to my relatively-heckle-free show, I didn't really get to see how James was managing his concept for the tour without totally losing control of the audience. The vinyl definitely gave me a lot of fascinating insight there.
I've only listened all the way through once, so these are just initial thoughts. I'll probably find other things when I listen again and again in the future. Also, most of this is me guessing things. I know from a friend who was at the RHLSTP live recording James did a few weeks ago that he talked more about his process for the tour there, and I'm looking forward to hearing if any of my speculation is confirmed when the podcast drops.
The main thing that stood out is that James seems to have jokes/bits that are reserved specifically for getting the audience back on course. If you were at a more well-behaved show, you might not have heard them!
To wit: In the planned material, very close to the beginning, he explains that he doesn’t like doing standup comedy and that he’s had a pattern of getting angry at his audience. He tells a story of a particular gig early in his career where he didn’t handle a heckler well. Then it’s supposed to be sort of a record-scratch-‘you’re-probably-wondering-how-I-got-here’ thing for the rest of the show, with lots of stories from his childhood and such.
The important part to understand is he establishes the ‘I hate my job’ concept early enough that hopefully there are no heckles to derail it, so he can count on being able to do callbacks to that material at any point. This was demonstrated about 15 minutes into the Kettering show, when he went from managing a heckler, to doing a bit about a list of reminders/affirmations he keeps on his phone and reads through before each gig. I didn't get to hear this bit at all in NYC! And it was a delightful additional insight into James’ psyche and very funny, so I’m so glad it made it onto the vinyl.
I’ll share what he revealed of the list in a separate post instead of burying it in a bunch of meta. For my purposes here, the only thing to know is the last item: ‘you don’t have to keep on doing this if you don’t want to.’ To which he added, ‘I could run out here and play the drums’, and immediately started playing the child-size drum set he has on stage. And once he was done playing, he went straight into more of the material I'd heard at my show.
So that's the other half of the ‘get the gig back on track’ strategy I didn't see until now. In NYC, he went over to the drums or the tetherball set occasionally, but it wasn’t even acknowledged in his material. He'd go over, play, then continue with the next bit. But in this ‘list’ routine, he uses the drums very specifically to sort of reset the show. He goes from dealing with a heckler, to doing a joke he can stick in anywhere as needed, to playing the drums, to picking up roughly where he should be in the actual sequence of the material.
I imagine the drum solo also gives him a pause where he doesn’t need to talk and can think through how he might have to cut or rearrange things to manage his timing. Not that it mattered in the end for the Kettering gig, but I can see how it would work quite well when half the audience isn’t unruly teenage boys, haha.
So interesting!
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cilil · 8 months ago
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Day 1 ~ Daily Life & Customs
AN: For day 1 of @silmarillionepistolary. Yes, it had to be Cara for tax day, and yes, with Turgon. Thanks again to @elentarial for suggesting this pairing all the way back in December, I'm invested (pun intended) now.
𓂃🖋 Characters/pairings: Caranthir x Turgon 𓂃🖋 Synopsis: Caranthir is delighted to finally receive some personal correspondence - from his favourite cousin no less. 𓂃🖋 Warnings: / 𓂃🖋 Oneshot (~600 words) | AO3
Dear cousin, 
I hope you are well. 
The pen you gifted me proves to be wonderful not just for writing, but for inking my sketches and drawings as well, so I must thank you again. 
I have been making some progress with the tower I was designing, though I am not yet happy with the archway and window designs. Uncle Arafinwë was so kind as to ask Eönwë to take me to Ilmarin for inspiration, but Lord Manwë was more interested in telling me about the birds nesting in his towers than explaining the design. 
I am admittedly lacking inspiration of my own at the moment, so if you happen to have other ideas, please let me know.
Regards, Turukáno 
Carnistir read the letter several times, his brow furrowed in concentration and contemplation. It was quite like Turukáno to keep his correspondence short and to the point, yet another reason why he was — despite his sincere commiseration for his dear cousin's troubles — positively delighted to hear from him. 
Prince or not, Carnistir didn't receive many letters, and most of the ones that ended up on his desk were formal correspondence, either addressed to him or to one of his brothers. Tyelkormo and Makalaurë were particularly notorious for forgetting to take care of theirs, and Maitimo had recently taken to spending a lot of time with Findekáno and was less willing to help out. 
Thus many things fell onto Carnistir's shoulders, and private correspondence had become an even rarer treat. It made him feel important — even wanted in a strange and possibly pathetic manner, as he chastised himself — that Turukáno was indirectly asking him for help and opinions regarding one of his passion projects. 
Determined, Carnistir pushed a stack of papers aside and placed his new favourite letter in the middle, reaching for an empty sheet of paper to compose his response posthaste. While not exactly an urgent matter, it was not one to ignore for days or weeks either. 
Dear cousin, 
I appreciate your letter, and hope this one finds you well. 
If you would like my personal opinion, I am afraid I cannot say much without having seen the progress on your sketch. I would be happy to visit and have a look, though. 
What I can also do for you, if you wish, is arrange a meeting with Grandfather Mahtan and possibly Lord Aulë as well; surely they could provide some better insights. Let me know if you would like that, and I shall speak to my mother promptly. 
Regards, Carnistir
Carnistir hesitated before writing down his final lines. Briefly, he contemplated a warmer wording, at least a "yours" or "yours truly", but in the end decided the safest way was to simply mirror Turukáno's style. Besides, he didn't want to seem pushy or intrusive, not when he had such a golden opportunity to gain his favourite cousin's favour. 
He would accompany him to any meeting he might agree to, of course. It would certainly be helpful for his own studies as well, he justified it to himself as soon as the thought crossed his mind. If he was going to study the depths and nuances of things like trade, taxes and even the occasional textile work, something his family members liked to tease him about, some input on style, composition and architecture couldn't hurt. 
Waiting for the ink to dry on the paper to avoid any unforgivable stains or smears, Carnistir began looking for an envelope and sealing wax. He was going to make sure that his letter would be sent as soon as possible. 
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Thanks for reading! ♡
taglist: @elanna-elrondiel @i-did-not-mean-to @saintstars @urwendii
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persephoneprice · 2 months ago
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aaa lily this ask game is so cool and amazing!!
i have soo many people id love to compliment so here goes
lily - im gonna start off with complimenting u bc u were my first friend on here! i feel like u connected the fandom together and ur kindness and friendliness is the reason we're so tight-knit now. ur literally the heart of our fandom and i wouldn't have it any other way. you're creative, hilarious and a wonderful human being, pls know that ❤️
@satisaranea - lynn u r literally the best ilysm /p. ur literally just like me for real, a fellow brit teenager, kmfdm enjoyer and ex danganronpa nerd. ur also incredibly talented and ur takes are SO refreshing to see in this fandom 💗
@keeperofsecretsunderthehill - i love our chats together so so much, u get me fr. im so glad we started talking and became friends, ur so awesome and ur ocs are so incredibly fascinating and i love every single one of them (nikole i would protect u with my life)
@felixravinstills i admire u so so much. ur felixposting has not only intrigued me but inspired me to create and find happiness (and every other emotion lmao) in others art and my own ♥️ i think i've said this before but you're the reason i began posting my writing here and im forever grateful for that.
@fairyhagmother - nell omg. first of all im so glad ur here in this fandom bc most of the corso lore would be lost without you (vigiles, juvenes, vast majority of the Glore). you bring so many amazing ideas and concepts to the table and i aspire to be like that one day ❤️ ur also genuinely so sweet and im glad we're friends!!
@coryo - first off im forever greatful you and lily created the server bc tbh idk where id be without it. ur an Og Tbosaser TM and ur ideas about it are so interesting and cool!!! i appreciate ur always open to talk on the server and are so welcoming. ur art is also very very cool.
i do have More but these were the ones i wanted to get off my chest ❤️ (will perhaps send the rest later if it isn't too annoying 🤧)
ask game! ah thank you this is wonderful bel!!
it’s so sweet of you to say i connected the fandom 🥺 you’re my og tbosas friend and i cherish you <3
@satisaranea is such a delight! i’m so glad we managed to trap the haymitch stan into our corse creatures craziness!
@keeperofsecretsunderthehill is such a sweetie and is so creative!! i always love hearing her lore <3
@felixravinstills my beloved <3 truly a pioneer 😌 always inspiring me and making me feel more comfortable to share me own silly thoughts and ideas!
@fairyhagmother we are all so lucky to have nell <3 she’s so smart and adds such fun insight and ideas for all of our most insane senior citizens
@coryo i’ll never be able to express enough how grateful i am for him!! creating the corso creatures server really brought us all so much closer <3
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zapreportsblog · 1 year ago
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↱ a sweet surprise ↰
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➘ summary : lo’ak and his wife (y/n) finds out they are expecting a child soon after their honeymoon
➘ lo’ak x reader, avatar the way of water x reader
➘ a/n : this will be broken up into parts because I’m going to be writing about each month of pregnancy as said all characters for the pregnant stories I’m writing are aged up to early 20s and late 20s, theirs no minor pregnancies unless I say so in a a/n then don’t read it as such
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In the heart of Pandora, where lush forests and vibrant wildlife flourished, Lo'ak and his beloved wife (Y/N) had recently celebrated their honeymoon. The bond between them had deepened amidst the beauty of their world, and they looked forward to a lifetime of shared adventures.
As their days together continued, (Y/N) began to experience a curious change in her health. The sight of her favorite fruit, a succulent and sweet Pandora berry, once a source of delight, now left her feeling queasy and unsettled.
One day, after (Y/N) excused herself from a meal with a hurried pace, Lo'ak couldn't help but notice the concern etched on her face. He followed her, finding her leaning against a tree, her hand over her stomach.
"(Y/N), are you alright?" Lo'ak asked, worry evident in his voice.
(Y/N) took a deep breath and turned to him with a weak smile. "I don't know what's been happening, Lo'ak. Every time I eat my favorite fruit, I feel nauseous and end up throwing up."
Lo'ak's brow furrowed with concern. "That doesn't sound right. We should consult with Mo'at or another healer."
(Y/N) shook her head, her expression a mix of surprise and realization. "Wait... Mo'at mentioned something about this. She said that sometimes a change in taste or nausea can be a sign of... pregnancy."
Lo'ak's eyes widened as he considered her words. A mix of shock and excitement filled him. "Are you saying...?"
(Y/N) nodded slowly, a mixture of emotions crossing her features. "I think we might be expecting, Lo'ak."
The reality of the situation sank in, and a mixture of wonder and joy filled Lo'ak's heart. He pulled (Y/N) into a warm embrace, his heart swelling with anticipation. "This is incredible, (Y/N). Our family is growing."
Tears of happiness welled up in (Y/N)'s eyes as she hugged Lo'ak tightly. "I can't believe it. We're going to be parents."
“Well first let’s be certain and get me checked out by Mo’at!”
Determined to be sure of their suspicions, (Y/N) and Lo'ak made their way to Mo'at's dwelling. The warm breeze carried the scents of the lush Pandora landscape as they walked, their excitement and nerves intermingling in the air.
Mo'at greeted them with a knowing smile as they arrived. Her wise eyes held a gentle understanding as she looked at (Y/N). "I sense that you are seeking confirmation."
(Y/N) nodded, her heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and hope. "Yes, Mo'at. I've been experiencing some changes, and I want to be sure."
Mo'at motioned for (Y/N) to sit on a cushioned mat, her demeanor calm and reassuring. Lo'ak stood by (Y/N)'s side, his hand resting gently on her back.
Mo'at placed her hands over (Y/N)'s stomach, her connection to the energy of Pandora allowing her to gain insights that others could not. After a few moments, she nodded, her voice soft yet confident. "Indeed, (Y/N), you are carrying life within you. The bond between you and the child is already strong."
Tears welled up in (Y/N)'s eyes as the reality of the moment washed over her. She turned to Lo'ak, their gazes locking in shared wonder and joy.
"We're going to be parents," Lo'ak whispered, his voice filled with awe.
Mo'at smiled, her presence a steady presence amidst their emotions. "Indeed, a new chapter of your journey begins. Your child will be a gift to our people and the world of Pandora."
(Y/N) wiped away a tear, her heart full of gratitude. "Thank you, Mo'at. Your wisdom and guidance mean the world to us."
Mo'at's eyes sparkled as she looked at them. "You are not alone on this journey. The Na'vi people will stand beside you, and you will be united by the bond of family."
As they left Mo'at's dwelling, (Y/N) and Lo'ak walked hand in hand, their hearts brimming with love and anticipation. The knowledge of their impending parenthood transformed the Pandora landscape around them into a canvas of hope and excitement, a world where unity and acceptance were woven into the very fabric of their lives.
**Week One of Pregnancy:**
The news of (Y/N)'s pregnancy filled the air with a sense of wonder and excitement. In the first week, the couple shared their joyful secret with Lo'ak's family, their hearts brimming with happiness.
**Day 1:**
Lo'ak and (Y/N) gathered Lo'ak's family under the canopy of their dwelling. With smiles and anticipation, they shared the news of the new life that was beginning to form within (Y/N). The reaction was nothing short of jubilant. Cheers and laughter echoed through the village as the family celebrated the forthcoming addition to their clan.
**Day 2:**
Lo'ak's mother, with a warm embrace, whispered words of love and support to (Y/N). She expressed her excitement at becoming a grandmother and offered words of wisdom that had been passed down through generations. The women of the family shared stories of their own experiences, creating a bond that transcended time.
**Day 3:**
Lo'ak's father, a strong and kind presence, congratulated Lo'ak and (Y/N) with a firm handshake. He spoke of the responsibility of parenthood and the legacy they would carry forward. Together, the family gathered around the fire, sharing stories and dreams for the future.
**Day 4:**
Lo'ak's siblings, a mix of older and younger, expressed their excitement in their own unique ways. His younger sister, with a bright smile, playfully joked about being the best aunt ever. His older brother offered sage advice on navigating the challenges of parenthood, his words a testament to the strength of family bonds.
**Day 5:**
As the week continued, Lo'ak's family members each brought gifts and well wishes to (Y/N). Handwoven garments and heirlooms were bestowed upon her, a symbol of their acceptance and celebration of her role as a future mother.
**Day 6:**
Under the starlit sky, Lo'ak and (Y/N) sat together, reflecting on the love and support they had received from his family. Their hearts were full of gratitude for the unity that defined their lives among the Na'vi.
**Day 7:**
With the first week of pregnancy coming to a close, Lo'ak and (Y/N) decided it was time to share their news with (Y/N)'s own family, who lived in the human settlement beyond the Na'vi village.
The journey to (Y/N)'s family was met with mixed emotions. Excitement mingled with trepidation, as (Y/N) hadn't seen her human family in quite some time. As they approached the settlement, Lo'ak offered his unwavering support, his hand in hers a reminder of their shared journey.
As they stood before (Y/N)'s childhood home, (Y/N) took a deep breath and reached for the door, her heart pounding. She was met with the warm embrace of her parents and siblings, their smiles a mirror of her own.
Amidst the laughter, tears, and stories shared, (Y/N) and Lo'ak felt a renewed sense of belonging. The unity and acceptance that had defined their lives among the Na'vi were mirrored in the acceptance and support of (Y/N)'s human family.
And as the sun set on the end of the first week of (Y/N)'s pregnancy, the future seemed to shine with infinite possibilities – a world where two families, human and Na'vi, would come together to celebrate and embrace the new life that was blossoming amidst the beauty of Pandora.
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greenerteacups · 8 months ago
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To be completely honest I believe I'm done with Theo. There are many different points in a character's story where he can start any given type of a redemption arc but it will never happen for a character who believes that his shitty choices aren't truly his and that he IS already doing all he can. I'm all out of the benefit of the doubt on Theo's account.
Ps. I hope someone spits in Millicent Bulstrode's best cup of tea
Pps. Love you and your writing lots
"To be completely honest I believe I'm done with Theo" made me laugh because it reminded me of this bit from "The Insider":
“Right. I’ve had enough of this bloke,” announced Ron. “I think it’s far past time I saw less of him, to be honest.”
Like, Ronald Weasley would not have lasted two minutes in that conversation with Theo before he called him a bitch and took off to find Daphne. Emotionally turbulent sparring match over destiny and heritage? Nope. Eat my shorts, dude, you're just a whiny ass.
Which is not to say anything reductive about Ron. Ron's moral code is just as complex (and occasionally contradictory) as Draco or Theo's, but it's less forgiving. That gives him insight that Draco doesn't have, especially when it comes to questions of bravery and commitment, but also makes it hard for him to give Draco (or Theo) any slack. Ron would say: oh, your life is hard? Tough. If you wanted to do better, you would. Only Theo can really know if he can or will do better, and the thing is, Theo doesn't hang out with Ron much.
I was delighted by the spread of reactions there were to Theo's speech in that chapter. It ran the gamut from sympathy to grief to abject disgust. All of which interests me, and each of which is a well-justified response to a boy who refuses to make it easy for anyone to like him.
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danganronpadedication · 2 months ago
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DAY 16: DANGANTOBER
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Day 16: Favorite Scene
There are so many scenes that I could call my favorite of the series. I like scenes that are silly and lighthearted, and some that are bone-chilling. There were scenes that I was delighted by, and scenes that left me with a sinking pit of dread in my stomach. The scene that I decided to go with is one that caught me off-guard on first viewing. When it played out on my screen late one Wednesday night, it EMBEDDED itself in my memory, and crosses my mind at least once a week. Yep, the GIF is a dead giveaway, it's a scene that I call "Makoto's Despair".
youtube
Original Uploader: Nagito Komeada on YouTube (yes, it's spelled that way in their user)
When I say my jaw dropped during this scene, I meant it. I'm someone who really appreciates when things get more disturbing in this way, even if the scene itself involves subject matter that scares me. It shows guts, and its a good way to make me feel the stakes and tension that is needed to become invested. Readers of my posts will know exactly the reason this scene freaks me out, and if you're unfamiliar, I have my makeup post for yesterday coming out very soon and it will talked about on there. Some background information and summary on the scene for those of you who didn't watch the anime, or are too chicken to watch the scene. This scene takes place in Episode 11 'All Good Things' of Future Arc. After Kyoko's death in episode 10 'Death, Destruction, and Despair', Aoi finds a journal underneath her body. Written in the journal is Kyoko's deduction and conclusion on who the traitor in the Future Foundation killing game is. She hypothesized that there was no traitor, and that the monitors placed throughout the hallways of the facility were somehow brainwashing whoever was closest to them between rounds to commit unalive. To test her theory, Makoto decides to use himself as the subject for the experiment. He is tied to a chair in front of a monitor, while everyone else goes into a room without monitors. The round ends, and everyone is put to sleep. Makoto is woken up shortly afterwards by the red glow of the monitor. The monitor begins to play a video of Monokuma, and begins the brainwashing sequence. Makoto finds himself in a strange, void-like place. Kyoko and Sayaka appear, taunting him with reminders of the Hope's Peak killing game. Sayaka reminds him that he was unable to get her out like he promised, and Kyoko blames him for her death. His other deceased classmates also appear, and their bodies start to change to resemble how they looked when they died. Makoto tries to apologize, saying he just wanted everyone to be together and happy.
Outside of this void, which is assumedly his mind, Makoto is screaming and struggling to get off the chair. He gets himself free, and a knife drops from the monitor. He picks it up, and in his mind, Kyoko and Sayaka tell him to join them. Makoto has a strained grin on his face, and opens his eyes, now swirling with red spirals. He says he'll join them, but he's stopped by Juzo Sakakura. Juzo uses some 'not so gentle' means to get Makoto to snap out of it. Makoto then returns to the others with confirmation for Kyoko's theory.
This scene is one that provides good insight into who Makoto is as a person. In my Day 3 post for Dangantober, I briefly talked about Makoto having survivor's guilt, and this scene is my basis for that claim. It's very on the nose about it. Survivor's guilt is a trauma response that can happen when someone feels guilty over surviving an event where others died. It can cause similar symptoms to PTSD and other traumatic disorders. It's the idea of "why was I the one to live, and not these other people?", which is obviously an unhealthy mindset.
Makoto hides it well, but he does display certain symptoms of survivor's guilt. In episode 6, 'No Man Is An Island', Makoto has a vivid nightmare of Kyoko's death, with Munakata blaming Makoto for her death. Specifically, saying that Makoto was at fault for thinking he would be able to go through the entirety of this game without sacrificing someone close to him. Intense and vivid nightmares that harken back to whatever traumatic event happened or is currently happening, is one of the main symptoms of survivor's guilt.
Aside from serving as excellent foreshadowing for episode 10, this nightmare is a sign that the active stress from being in this new killing game is getting to him. His survivor's guilt would worsen as a result of Kyoko's real death, since the circumstances would lead him to believe it was his fault for just surviving.
See, the Future Foundation killing game has a special twist to it. Everyone has a bracelet on their wrist, that has a "Forbidden Action" on it. Doing this action will result in your death via the release of a certain poison. For example, Makoto's forbidden action is running in the halls, so Aoi gives him a piggyback ride. Kyoko's forbidden action is "Passing the 4th time limit with Makoto Naegi alive". If he lives past the fourth round, which he did, she would die. She deliberately hides this from him, not wanting him to worry.
Now that she's dead, he learns about her forbidden action, and he nearly shuts down with grief. Yet another person he cares about, gone instead of him. From this point onwards, he spends a lot of his time doing more reckless actions in order to stop this game, from confronting Munakata (who wants Makoto dead or captured) to this very incident with the video.
The guilt is pushing him to move without regard for himself, which is very close to more self-destructive symptoms of survivor's guilt. That's also why Kyoko plays such a big part in this scene. It's fresh trauma, fresh pain, that only serves to amplify these feelings within him.
Of course, Makoto manages to recover and pick himself back up with help from the people around him, like Aoi, and Munakata after a change of heart. He's a strong person, he's resilient, and he is the Ultimate Hope for a reason. There is no easy wrap-up for dealing with survivor's guilt. He's always going to be dealing with these feelings, but hopefully, as the world heals, so will he.
Besides, it definitely helps that Kyoko actually survives.
-Mod Tsumugi
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thebreakfastgenie · 4 months ago
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hi sarah! while we’re talking tww can i request a spare sam and toby opinion? been thinking abt their dynamic and how they foil each other lately
Absolutely!!
There's obviously a mentor-mentee dynamic but there's also a way they balance each other. Sam is not exactly less idealistic than Toby, but I think the world has hurt him less. When Sam leaves and sends Will to replace him, we get this bit of insight that implies Toby didn't entirely warm to Sam at first either. I think a lot about the origin of their relationship (and this is part of my long-suffering WIP that's mostly about the origin of Toby and Josh) because Sam is someone Josh brought to the campaign, but it's Toby he works with, and I wonder how Toby felt about having this kid thrust upon him. I love the scenes of Sam and Toby writing together because you can see just in their writing styles that they're finding balance for the best possible end result (e.g. Sam uses more imagery) and it comes through when they argue about issues and priorities too. I really love Sam and Toby's dynamic and I think it's one of the reasons I miss Sam so much when he goes. They also have kind of a mutual "no one picks on my brother but me" thing going on which is really delightful.
Another moment that's really interesting is when Sam finds out about the president's MS, he says "Bartlet lied to us" and Toby says "President Bartlet, Sam, come on." We the audience saw Toby be anything but respectful and calm when he found out, and he's obviously taking it upon himself to guide the others through the feelings he's already processed. But with Sam specifically, which is the one they choose to show us, there's also maybe a bit of Toby wanting Sam to be better than him. To be less angry, less betrayed.
You know as much as I say Angry Young Man is about Josh, I can see Sam in it too. Sam is always willing to take a stand for what he thinks is right and he's always getting his heart broken. And sometimes we see Toby be the more pragmatic one between them. Toby never stops expecting better from the president or the world but he does learn from experience in a way Sam hasn't yet, and maybe it makes him a little protective of Sam (and a little frustrated with him too).
There's so much I could say about Toby and Sam, please let me know if there was an area you wanted covered that I didn't get to!
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