#to being someone who's just allowed to exist and make his own decisions about his body

[flo-zoinks]

do you think Dutch every truly cared about Arthur, John, oe any of the gang members? Or he only cared about how useful they were to him? How loyal they were to him?

I think he cared genuinely to an extent, especially when it came to Arthur, he just ultimately cared about himself more and his own ego. Just my take tho, it's a bit more complex than that but I really don't know how to word it :")

Good take!! Thanks for asking me ♡

In short (if possible), I think Dutch cared, but other factors were a lot more dominating than that love.

To Dutch, I believe his biggest goal in life was his image. Dutch's idea of a perfect person was someone who took in and protected the rejected and weak around him, who didn't follow and submit to the society around him, who longed for freedom and spoke wise words about not conforming. Whilst this idea of a perfect person might not be what everyone else thinks at all, it's what he does. Arthur and John fell into that image - the people someone perfect would protect and care for, and teach his own ways. So Dutch believed he cared for them, being that perfect person, and acted as someone who would. That's why I think he did things that looked like caring, (what he believed was), but when it came to things that werent obvious, or took too much work he deemed necessary, he allowed other factors to dominate that caring feature of a person to mentally ignore them whilst still feeling good about himself.

That's why I think he was so easily able not to save Arthur, his son, in chapter 6. A Father, or a Mother who truly loves their child as they should wouldn't give up that love so easily, as Dutch did. No matter the current issues, they would save their child, at the risk of their own life easily. Dutch allowed that judgement and voices to enter his head so quickly, and used it to allow himself to abandon his child, telling himself it fit the criteria of a perfect person as "they deserved that." It was easier to do that, then to have to make a decision that could possibly harm his own idea of himself.

Take for instance, Dutch's jailbreaks. If Arthur goes to jail for a prolonged time, theres a good chance Dutch will break him out in the game. However when Arthur gets kidnapped by the O'Driscolls, I dont think Dutch went to look for him past the jails and saloons. A caring person would search where he thought would fit, like those jails and saloons. Someone who loved further and actually cared like a Father would search and put in countless hours to retrieve their loved one, but once he'd finished feeling like a good person didn't care to look further.

So generally because I'm so close to going off topic lmfao, I think his belief that he cared manifested into a little actual care, however wasn't as big as he pretended. He saw them as assets, as parts that existed to him to help him feel good about himself, as tools. The people around him, Reverend, Molly and so on exist to stroke his ego and tell him he's a saviour, he's so smart and perfect. But when Arthur and John begin to openly doubt and judge him whilst Micah doesn't, he sees it easier to believe Micah's words and follows the route that reminds him hes perfect, meaning he doesnt need to care for Arthur and so on to feel good about himself. Their purpose doesn't work anymore, their used up and broken, so that care disappears.

That's also how I view the American Venom scene, when Dutch shoots Micah. At that point, Dutch sees the full maliciousness and "evil" in Micah's words, and realises his mind will never be able to twist things and his own views to justify their actions anymore. So to still feel well about himself, he shoots Micah. Besides, 'that's what a good person would do, right?' He still doesn't need John, still sees him as someone who will damage his self-image, so therefore not worth his attention and a traitor to him, but is perhaps a little less hostile to him. He's reminded a good person should still care for him, and Arthur, so treats it as his final act of 'love' he can perform. His final moment of 'caring'.

Am I yapping any sense ? Not really. Am I tired? Ya! But this is just my personal view! I agree with u fo sho so thanks for the ask!! I'm so grateful I love these so much. I'd also love to see other opinions or views on this❤❤🌟

[whenthewallfell]

~The Many Legs of Peeta Mellark, or A Weirdly In-Depth Look at Panem Prosthetics~

Concept art for Peeta’s leg because I can (details below the cut)

Catching Fire: though the leg itself is removable, the cover is non-optional and the access panels can only be used by Capitol technicians. Due to how ornate it is it can get a bit heavy after long periods of wear, and there’s limited movement in the ankle which impedes walking. It’s designed to mimic the shape of the original leg so it fills out clothes nicely, but flashy enough to be worthy of a Victor should anyone see it. A very pretty prosthetic, but only slightly better than a peg leg. Mockingjay: this is what the prosthetic looks like without the fancy cover. It’s very no-nonsense with an advanced ankle component that has better range of motion without the casing, and features a rubber tread on the bottom of the foot blade to allow for better traction when chasing down and murdering his one true love. Although a vast improvement mobility-wise, it’s been permanently bolted to his leg and the control panels are all welded shut. Everything about this is short-term - they don’t care what happens to him once he’s killed Katniss.

Post War: when he’s caught in the explosion/fire from the bombs that got Prim his leg melts and fuses to his stump, so the doctors end up having to amputate even more. He’s given the choice to try out an experimental implant, which he accepts. This is vastly different from the other ones because he’s got so much autonomy - he can change the settings himself, remove the foot shell, opt in for a leg casing if he wants (he doesn’t). All in all it’s a very low maintenance leg, which suits him just fine, and because it’s an implant it finally feels like a part of him again.

[celestiamour]

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ to have & to hold ]❜

ft. logan howlett x f! reader — xmen, marvel

╰₊✧ you allow him to possess you entirely, body & soul┊1.2k words

kinktober 2024: oct 8. virginity loss

setting: logan (2017) old man! logan contains: fluffy smut!! dom logan & sub reader┊age gap, virginity loss, receiving oral & fingering, unprotected piv, abrupt ending

➤ author's note: i’m sorry for this being short and the abrupt ending, i’m just so tired from college because my substitute professor is a bitch and i have to work twice as hard just to get a 70% T-T the single mother reader is ending up to have three parts so look forward to that when kinktober is over teeheehee

your old man isn’t sure what kind of small deed of goodwill he must have done decades ago to deserve you, but it makes him perform more of them in his day-to-day life thanks to the existence of the biggest blessing of his miserable life. every time he comes back after a long day of work and dealing with customers of varying irritation levels, there you are patiently waiting for him no matter how late into the night it was. you help take off his suit jacket and tie in well-rehearsed moments, whistling a little old-timey tune on your lips and asking him how his day was.

he’s never really been a talkative guy, so most of the time he’ll just say it was fine and leave it at that, but occasionally, he’s willing to complain and vent about something that happened that got on his nerves. all the while, you’re finishing off a freshly cooked meal with garnish and serving it to him with a smile, listening to everything he has to say and massaging his weary muscles. 

usually, however, you’re the one doing all of the talking, telling him about what happened today at work with that annoying co-worker and how you got invited to the wedding of an old friend from high school. he settles himself in the worn leather recliner and feels himself relax with your voice almost acting like a form of meditative music, and even if he doesn’t look like it, he listens to every word— you can tell because he doesn’t turn the newspaper page once and asks little questions like “who?” “when did that happen?” “is that so?” instead of just humming deafly.

he doesn’t even remember how you ended up moving in with him and acting like his housewife, giving him a taste of domestic life he didn’t realize he was yearning for. you’re just a stubborn little lady, he guesses, remaining persistent about how much you liked him despite his claims that you should steer clear of a bad man like him. he’s glad it ended up that way though, he couldn’t imagine where he would be without you by his side if you listened to him and went off with a human your own age who didn’t have the shackles he did. 

there’s always a bit of lingering guilt regarding the last part, worried that he’s holding you back from fully experiencing life like a ball and chain bound to your ankle, but you were an adult who was mature enough to make your own decisions. if you didn’t want this, you wouldn’t have spent over a year trying to pursue it with someone as headstrong as him. 

sometimes logan dozes off in that armchair, allowing you to drape a blanket over him and place a kiss on his forehead with a whisper of sweet dreams for the cherry on top. sometimes you coax him to join you in bed where it’s more comfortable, tangling your legs with his and clinging onto his frame like he was a giant living teddy bear. maybe he’ll do the same if he’s feeling particularly soft tonight instead of sleeping on his back like a soldier on active duty would. both of you always get a night of better sleep in the presence of the other, holding onto the dead weight of the other’s still body, feeling the slow rise and fall of their chest, and listening to their steady heartbeat.

yet your relationship had never gone past heated makeout sessions, not until tonight when you pleaded with him so sweetly to help you relieve the ache between your legs that you couldn’t fix yourself.

he’s hesitant at first, surprised at the slight and unfamiliar feeling of fear tugging at his consciousness. is this really okay? is a lovely angel like you really asking a dirty old man like him with the blood of dozens on his hands to be your first experience of something so intimate? he’s profoundly aware that he’s never been a good man, but maybe he would start now and let you go in your own direction…

before he could say anything, you reach out to kiss him, so tender and full of adoration to ease his worries. the way you look at him while gasping his name and making pleas for him is almost overwhelming with how blown-out your pupils are from need, looking at him like he was the only other soul in the world— like he was the only other soul in the universe who was meant to complete you.

he asks you one more time if you’re sure, absolutely sure, before taking the opportunity to 

taste the sweetness of your arousal and quickly realize that he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get enough anymore, scraping at the soft skin of your inner thighs with his beard although the pressure in your core overpowered the feeling of friction. your hands find their way into his graying hair and tug on them whenever he swirls his tongue around your engorged clit, making him groan and repeat the motion until you gush all over his mouth.

then he drags a calloused finger along your folds, collecting your slick and instinctively licking his lips at the sight of it despite just eating you out seconds before. his eyes aren’t really what they used to be, he briefly wishes he had his glasses on so that he could watch your virgin pussy take his index followed by his middle. even if he can’t quite see it clearly, he can certainly feel your walls pulsating at the intrusion as you let out a breathy whine.

you feel a bit dizzy already from your first proper orgasm, much less from the pleasurable stretch of his fingers starting to move in a scissoring motion as your cheeks burned in embarrassment from how intently he was staring like a man hypnotized. if you were in your right mind, you would have asked him to quit it, but all you were focused on was the unfamiliar feeling of tension in your torso while he praised how tight you were.

logan is exhibiting more gentleness with you than he’s ever been with anything in all his two hundred years, scared of hurting you and treating you like a fragile porcelain doll. you basically need to beg him to fuck you right because you worry you’ll be far too exhausted to continue if he continues like this, already reaching peak at least three times now and needing to pull at his belt to free his throbbing erection.

kiss him when he lines himself up with you and slowly pushes in, allowing you to feel every inch of him and taste yourself on his lips. claw long scratches into his back as you take him, allowing his regenerative powers slowly take effect yet still being able to leave lasting marks in his skin for him to admire the next day. tell him you love him when he finally bottoms out in you, watching him through teary eyes as he rests his forehead on yours, and listen to his beating heart open up to you as he tells you he does too.

[grapejuicebrat]

carry you home

PAIRING: rafe cameron x reader

SUMMARY: where rafe finally found someone who loves him. and where finally rafe falls in love.

my masterlist

The best love is unexpected. You don't just pick someone and cross your fingers it'll work out. You meet them by fate and it's an instant connection, and the chemistry share is way above your head. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they smile or the colour of their eyes and all at once you know you're either lucky or screwed.

That’s what Rafe loves about you. Well, actually, he just loves you. He loves the way you smile, the way you walk, the way you talk. The way you hug him wherever he is sad. The way you talk him through hard times. The way you immediately know when something is off. The way you taught him how to trust people and not be afraid to express feelings.

You were his light in the darkness.

When he first met you he thought that you were disgustingly cute and sweet and shit. You didn’t care about Rafe being a total dick to you. You just wished him a nice day and offered a free ice cream just because you were in a good mood to make people happy.

And guess what? In the evening, the same day, Rafe felt guilty. You were so nice to him and he did everything to ruin your good impression of him. Like you weren’t like this pogues who just see him and are ready to throw all shit at him. You were literally smiling and offered a fucking ice cream. When he told you to fuck off and stop smiling.

Guess again? The next day Rafe bought you an ice cream in your own shop. And he apologised for being a dick. And of course you forgave him.

“Sure thing! Everybody has a bad day, it’s okay!”

And your sweet voice wasn’t that disgusting anymore.

You showed him one important thing that no one has ever been able to show him before. Not that he’s beautiful, not that he’s smart, not that he’s sweet. None of that. You showed him something more important than any of those things. You showed him that he was important, that there's a reason he’s here. You made him feel like the world was lucky to have him.

And Rafe doesn’t know if anyone will ever make him feel that way again.

Waking up next to you was Rafe’s favourite thing after coming home to you after a long day at work. Honestly, it is so nice - knowing that here is someone who is actually waiting for you. You were always there for him. Supporting in every decision, giving advices when he needs them, just being silent because comfortable silence is so underrated.

And when you said you loved him? Rafe thought that he was about to pass out. It was the best fucking thing that ever happened to him. Knowing that someone loves him. Just because he exists. Maybe he is toxic, manipulative. But she loves him. The way he is.

“I love you. Today. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever. If I were to live a thousand years, I would belong to you for all of them. If I were to live a thousand lives, I would want to make you mine in each one.”

And then Rafe cried. And no, he wasn’t embarrassed of this. Because you taught him that it’s not a disgusting thing to express your feelings. It’s okay to cry. Just because you’re a man it doesn’t change anything. You’re still allowed to cry and to laugh and to be silent. Rafe is a human too after all.

“You know what i’ve learned from your stupid romcoms?” Rafe asks you and kisses your cheek.

“They are not stupid!” you roll your eyes and laugh. “But anyway, what you’ve learned?”

“The world was made so that we could find each other in it.”

And he was finally happy, having the love of his life in his arms.

this one is so special to me and no i won’t stop writing about rafe being a softie lmao

if you would like to be added to my taglist leave a comment or let me know by sending me in my ask!

tag list: @ivy-34

[leafzu]

Yours Truly 🪷

contents: Arrange marriage trope | 3 year age gap | Slow burn | Angst | One sided love? Part 2 Part 3

Being married to Nanami Kento through arranged marriage has been nothing but beautiful all this time.

Never having been in a relationship before, you were nervous. You never dated or had a boyfriend and now straight to marriage? What if this ends really badly.

You didn't get married right away. Two months into getting to know each better, if it feels right and all.

Amidst these two months, you and Kento became good friends. A bit comfortable now with each other's presence. Not to mention how he has been nothing but a gentleman. He was your type. Older than you by 3 years, had a stable job, respectful, kind, handsome. Most importantly, he listened to you, understood you. You slowly fell in love with him. Your husband to be.

From Kento's side, you were adorable. A bright bubble. Which balances his nonchalant persona really well. He could listen to you all day. You make him laugh, make him happy. Before he even realized it, he started to long for your presence.

Kento was not inexperienced, no. In fact, he dated someone before he met you. But alas, things didn't work out and they both had to part ways. First love always hurts and it hurt Kento bad.

He actually wasn't interested in getting married anymore. After the heartbreak he thought he would end up alone.

But then miracle happened and now in a few weeks he was going to marry you. The one who made his mundane life bright with her existence.

After marriage however, things were happy but you felt a hint of loneliness.

Kento became a bit distant. Yes he was still nurturing and caring towards you. But you felt a wall in between. While you poured your heart out to him, he didn't do the same. To you it seemed like he.. didn't care?

You took it as a one sided love. How pathetic, unrequited love in your own marriage. How much more miserable could you be? You had no one to love before and now when you finally have someone in your life, it's one sided. Love was cruel.

It hurt all the more knowing he had a first love and you can never be that. Was he still hung up on her? He did mention before getting married how much his first relationship meant to him and how much it affected him.

Silent tears were wept when he wasn't home. Sleeping on the same bed but seperately. Is that even possible?

Kento was never open to you in a physical sense. You never held hands or hugged. You didn't even kiss despite being married. Not even a soft kiss on the cheek.

While you were completely inexperienced, not having your first kiss or being even on a date let alone holding hands, Kento wasn't.

He did it all. Holding hands, went on his first date. He had his first kiss, his... first time and it was all in that one relationship which was before his marriage with you. It was all with his first love. All the more reason to hurt because you knew about that, you knew how special first times were, you knew all about his first relationship.

One of the things you love about Kento is his complete honesty. When you asked about his first relationship or if he has ever been in a relationship out of curiosity, he told you everything. He didn't want to keep anything from you and for you to later find it out after marriage. He told you everything so that you can make your decision about him.

Of course he was allowed to have a relationship. Why wouldn't he be. Plus this all happened years before he met you. Four years to be exact. Is he still hung up on his first love? Did he not like you even a little bit?

Slowly you started to distant yourself from him. Morning conversations turned into notes left on tables and fridge. Lunch time phone calls turned into unseen messages.

Nanami isn't naive, nor is he ignorant. He picked up your distant behavior. How you don't tell him all about your day anymore just a "it was okay" when asked about your time at work. How you didn't ask him back about his day.

Warm welcoming mornings turned into cold greetings when Kento woke up and saw you already left without telling him. He used to drop you off to work but suddenly one day you told him your work schedule changed and you had to be early at work. Yes you lied, but it's fine. It's fine....

You didn't sound as cheerful and bubbly anymore. Rather conversations became awkward and silent. The person who once used to tell him a lot of things now didn't utter a single word unless necessary.

You and Nanami were total opposites. While Nanami was mature and composed. You were a bit childlike and found joy in the littlest of things. Not that he minded your childlike personality. In fact, he admired how simple you were. A breathe of fresh air. It was so easy to just, be with you. You gave such simple solutions to his complex problems.

His previous relationship, both him and his partner were a bit alike. Hardworking, mature and adult. That's his type, at least it's what he always thought until you came along.

Afternoons turned lazy with you into taking naps. Showing him a new game and how to play it, the little things you collect and asking him his favorite things. He enjoyed these little moments with you so much. He missed them.

He missed you.

He hated how you were slowly fading away from him. Hated how your smile wasn't as bright as before. Hated how he couldn't figure out what the reason was. When did communication between you get so hard?

[haologram]

unforgiven 🏹 b.sk (teaser)

🏹 synopsis: seungkwan may have been represented by his considerably heartwarming traits, but he ruined his own fate with his vengeful and prideful behavior. despite his flawed outlook, he can still see you in every lover — until it's you, again.

🏹 genre: greek god au ; second chance romance au ; angst ; fluff ; eventual smut ; sort of former enemies/rivals to lovers.

🏹 pairing: athena!boo seungkwan x reincarnated arachne!fem!reader | side pairing: eros!kim mingyu x psyche!chou tzuyu (twice) | side characters: zeus!choi seungcheol ; hades!yoon jeonghan ; hephaestus!jeon wonwoo ; hermes!vernon chwe ; eris!lee saerom (fromis_9) ; more to come.

🏹 word count: 1.6k | full fic: tba!

🏹 rating: 18+. minors do not interact.

🏹 warnings: nudity (and it's normalized so just...deal with it), seungkwan has a lot of guilt and things weighing on him. pet names (angel, threadling, etc.,) i think that's it for the teaser. the full fic is a fucking wreck.

🏹 what to listen to: run away - tzuyu ; cinnamon girl - lana del rey ; take me back to eden - sleep token ; more to come.

🏹 a/n: hey everyone! i'm back...lol. i hope to have this out before november, so just keep your eyes peeled!

IV.

Somehow, Seungkwan was on the other side of the bed.

You were nestled into his naked torso, your lips pouted against his neck. Your hair was a mess around you, your leg flung over his waist as you slept soundly. He rolls his eyes, wondering how to get out of the position without waking you. It's barely dawn, he likes some time to himself before dealing with the mortals that are honestly the bane of his existence.

He gently wraps his fingers around your knee, moving you off his body with precision. He'd never let any of the other mortals sleep in his bed, much less with him, but he knows it's the guilt from killing you off years ago. Unfortunately, Seungkwan is far too aware of his wrongs. In the past, he'd gotten scolded by several of his peers due to his harsh nature. He and Vernon got drunk over an aged wine a few years after your disappearance and Seungkwan admitted he'd jumped the gun on punishment.

What he didn't know was that Vernon spoke to Seungcheol about it, who then spoke to Jeonghan about it. That's how they came up with sending you back to Seungkwan for your last chance at life, maybe you could right your wrongs with each other. You both struggle with pride and yearn to be perfect, never wanting to admit when you're wrong.

But you were human, you knew you couldn't be perfect. You had a softer heart, not having seen the things Seungkwan had seen or lived the life he'd known. Seungkwan had built his walls up nice and high, and rarely let anyone in to take a peek. You in his bed was something he'd never allow if you were just anyone.

He knows it's also his attraction for you coming to the surface. It didn't take a genius to realize that it was this he'd been looking for in every lover he'd ever tried to have – your witty remarks, your obvious disinterest in him or his skills as a god. You weren't looking at him as some being worth worshiping, but someone who needed to be loved, to be held together and forgiven – despite resenting him.

He knows you can't possibly know how much his past decisions weigh on him, but it is scary to think that you can sense something about him. You know something, something that makes him feel uneasy, and it's what's inside. You know his pain, his truth, his heart.

Sighing, he softly rolls you onto your back, covering your bare body with the duvet. It's only half true, what he said about your body – he's amazed at every curve and dimple, he wants to run his hands all over you until the end of time. He likes the way your hips swing as you walk, the bounce in your step and how soft your cheeks are. How soft you are.

What kind of god is he if he gives into his desires? If he sinks his teeth into you like a cat catching a mouse, if he lets you teeter him around like a puppet for just a taste of you? What kind of god is he if he lusts after you when he knows getting involved with mortals won't end well for him, especially when he knows the moment you sink your claws into him, he'd be a goner? Not much of a god then, is he? "Don't go." You murmur, eyes still closed and brows scrunched as you touch his wrist. He jolts slightly, but moves to pull away anyway. "I have to. I need to make your clothes." He whispers back, the sun beginning to peek in through the open window. 

Pouting, you pull him closer. "Just a little longer." "The sky's awake, angel. I have to be up." He works your fingers off his wrist, splaying your hand across his pillow. "I'm still in the room, I'm not going anywhere." This seems to be enough for you, as he grabs the robe you wore the night before and shrugs it on. He wipes at his eyes carefully, stretching before he slides off the bed. He tucks the corner of the duvet under the pillow, watching your fingers grasp at the pillowcase.

He moves around quietly, gathering the linens he'd pinned for you the night before. He sits at his desk, opening his drawer to get his glasses out and prepares needle and thread. Glancing up, he sees you pouting still, burying your face into his pillow with a sigh – and feels a twinge in his chest.

Zeroing back in, he quietly sews the linen as the sun rises slowly. You toss and turn, frustrated sounds coming from the direction of his bed enticing him to look over ��� but he doesn't. It's not until he accidentally pricks his finger with a pin that he notices you've gotten up and are settling on the floor next to his chair. 

"What are you doing, threadling?" He asks, almost as if he doesn't really care what you're doing. 

"Can't sleep." You mutter, reaching your fingers out to touch his ankle as you lay down, wrapping yourself like a burrito in the blanket. He peers down at you, seeing the way your fingers ghost over his skin when he sighs, pushing his chair back carefully.

"Alright, come on. Get up." 

You groan up at him, feeling him move away from your fingertips as you sit up. "What?" He doesn't respond, choosing to walk away from you and sink back into the bed. He huffs a bit, trying to hide the giddy feeling in his stomach as he sees you slowly approach. "Quickly, before I change my mind." You climb onto the bed at that, abandoning the blanket on the floor as you lay next to him, your arm loosely wrapping around his torso as he pulls the duvet over you. "Don't lay on the floor again, okay? Just ask me to come back."

"I did, you left me anyway." You murmur, a sad look etched on your brows before you sigh into his robe. He stops himself from comforting you, his fingers aching to run through your wild hair and biting back his apology. He sits silently, letting you drift back asleep holding his hip.

He doesn't like wasting the day. He knows he should pry himself away, and pull you out of bed too. He just can't bring himself to disturb your peace that way.

He gives in, his fingers gently stroking your hairline, moving stray hairs off your face. You lean into the warmth of his hand as he moves the hair off your neck, thumbing the shell of your ear carefully before clearing his throat.

"We've got a busy day, Y/N. We need to get up."

His fingers graze your neck softly, before his thumb caresses your jaw. You sigh into the air as you open your eyes, looking up at him. "It's so early." "Early bird gets the worm. You've yet to have breakfast and get dressed. Come on." He's speaking softly, his thumb now tracing circles into your soft cheeks. He can't help it, pinching the fat gently before moving away. Thankfully, you don't question his actions, just sluggishly throw the duvet off your body. He holds up the skirt from before, the ruby red material glittering in the light. "This one, yes? And the pink top? Or the white one?" "What is this, dress-up?" You yawn, and Seungkwan frowns. "Be nice, I made this for you." "Sorry, oh wisest one. Dress me like a doll." You stand and stretch your arms up, and he rolls his eyes as he carefully wraps the skirt around you, feeling your hands on his shoulders as he pins it in place. "Maybe I'll add a little drawstring so it's more secure, hm?" He's speaking to himself, but you nod anyway. "Arms up." He says, before tugging the soft white shirt over your head, carefully slipping your arms through. "There we go. What do you think? Pretty?" He turns you to face the mirror once more, hands on your hips as you sleepily look at yourself. You nod in silence, and he cards his fingers through your hair gently, pulling it back and pulling a piece of white ribbon out of his pocket. He ties the hair back carefully, the ribbon looped into a bow. "So it won't get in the way. Oh, and I'll get started on some shoes for you sometime this week. You'll just be indoors today, so don't worry about getting hurt." You're peering at him through the mirror, your hands folded in front of you as you speak. "Why do you ask if I think the outfit is pretty?" He raises a brow, "Why the question?" "You asked if I think I look pretty. Why does it matter? It's just us." You shrug, the flowing material of the skirt flowing smoothly as you turn to face him. "And it's not like you'd tell a mortal she's pretty, would you?" Seungkwan can feel that same guttural guilt he felt earlier slowly begin to slip away. He couldn't figure you out – you could be so sweet, so flirty and pouty, and then you could be this. Defiant, bratty, argumentative.

"Can't I want to know if you feel good in what I'm making for you? Would you rather I make you wear a sack? Or walk around nude for anyone to see you?" He scoffs, seeing you smile inwardly. "Does anyone involve you?" He doesn't respond, shaking his head as he sinks into his closet.

Yeah. Anyone involves him, and probably just him.

haologram © 2024 || no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[ben-talks-art]

Oppressed turned oppressors

I really like the concept of showcasing the ramifications of oppression or injustice by creating characters who are so enraged with the system and feel such a desire for vindication that they end up being consumed by their emotions and becoming the thing they hate.

They adopt this mentality of "The world turned its back on me, so I'll turn my back on the world" or "it's up to me to fix the world" or "I'm justified in my actions because I suffered."

It's a cool way of showing how villains can be more complex and more human than the usual bad guy of the week that just wants to take over the world.

You're basically looking at a Frankenstein monster, something created by the poor decisions of idiots with power who used it wrongly, and how now they became a problem you can no longer run away from.

And that's the thing, it's meant to be a Frankenstein monster, it's meant to be ugly, it's meant to be a representation of how acts of oppression can bring out the worst in people (so maybe stop oppressing??).

Magneto messing with the Earth's polarity and killing millions around the world, Jet trying to drown a whole village with innocents, Megatron trying to kill his own former friends, Silco using drugs to enslave and control his own people, Dabi burning people just to make his dad mad, Killmonger wanting to kill innocents using the technology of Wakanda, and so on.

They each took "the ends justify the means" to the extreme and saw themselves as the heroes in their story instead of realizing they were just continuing the cycle by unconsciously trying to replace one oppressor for another.

This usually leads to great tragic narratives about the never-ending cycle of hate and makes you think how easy it is for one to stray from the path.

The one thing I don't like about these characters, though, is how sometimes they might be a little too good at making people buy what they're selling.

I often see people who watch these characters and go, "You know... Maybe they have a point 🤔, maybe they're right, maybe they're not so bad, " and so on.

Like... No, the point is that they don't have a point.

They have valid reasons to be angry, but they don't have valid reasons to hurt innocents. There is no such thing as a valid reason to hurt innocents, that's why oppression shouldn't exist.

The moment we reach the point where we say "maybe it's okay for them to kill or hurt innocent people," it's the moment we need to start rethinking some things. 😑

These characters are not actually trying to help make things better, all they want is to vent out their personal frustration and use their pain to justify their actions and sense of entitlement over how things should be.

They're great characters, but they're terrible people.

I think the need to defend these characters comes from how the media sometimes makes people that fight oppression the villains, when instead it should be the people who use their fight against oppression to justify their atrocious actions who should be the villain, and teach that even when you think you have a valid reason to be bad, still doesn't change the fact that evil actions are evil actions.

This is what makes the people that do fight oppression without resorting to terrible actions even more admirable.

True strength isn't trampling over others to get what you want because you believe your pain entitles you to it.

True strength is not allowing your worst version of yourself to become the only version of yourself that exists, even when the world tries so hard to turn you into that version.

Oppression wants to be spread, it wants to live rent-free in people's heads, it wants to convince you it's a necessary evil, it wants to turn regular people into other oppressors, and to beat it, you need to reject it.

Not by becoming your oppressors but by becoming what they failed to be, someone better.

[jave1y]

Since yall loved my other post and I might as well lore dump and introduce my ocs

elmur is a 19 year old who was born with a curse that gives him the ability to see beings that normal naked eye can’t see. These other beings include monsters and ghosts. He grew up with azazel and yuria and they became like his own parental figures, since he didn’t have the best guardian when he was growing up. though it’s hard for him to make decisions between the two since polar opposites opposite. Yuria being more laid back and azazel being more stern and serious. But he always has his uncle Dean to be the (well the only good human figure in his life ) elmur is super chill, and he’s also kinda dumb but I love him idk, (also no one can see these creatures other than him)

Yuria is a . Well was a semi famous solo singer that was murdered in the 1980 by a fan on her wedding day. But instead of doing the usual “haunting and being sad all the time”. She takes the opportunity to have fun with her predicament, especially when death (grim reaper or death in general) is waiting for her to move on. She’s semi friends azazel but often gets into shenanigans with him due to their polar personalities. She is very chaotic, but she’s also kind of sassy. I love her. I love my wife. I’m so glad that other people love my wife. Oh and she’s also pen pals with Dean.

Azazel is a being that is known as the outsider which is a monster that is exist in the outside plane, which is where most of the monsters that Elmer can see. It’s a combination of what we see. Basically monsters that just appeared but can’t be seen. They tend to copy humans mannerisms but not all of them are friendly . Azazel is one of those friendly monsters that had basically adopted elmur. He originally knew elmurs grandmother who had unfortunately passed. So taking care of Elmer is like a justice to her. he’s a stickler for the rules and sometimes he doesn’t realize that he’s being too serious with elmur. He’s not really used to it. He’s /srs most of the time, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pissy (think of the narrator from Stanley parable)

Dean is Elmer’s uncle and he already has a lot of personal issues and like Elmur he didn’t have the best life either. He drinks a lot but he also doesn’t want his past to define who he is now. Hes a Divorced police officer and he lives his nephew elmur and his son Travis (and some extra company) Dean is aware of Elmer’s “friends” but he’s supportive of it and doesn’t like to judge or shame elmur. Despite being divorced he’s on friendly terms with his ex wife and they still talk. But Dean is mainly alone when it comes to a social life, which is why he’s been getting random letters in mail from a secretive pen pal. Let’s say on the side of yuria chaotic energy and azazels serious and /srs manner, he’s in between I didn’t be careful someone who is confused about what they want can become confused about what you’re worth

Yeah so those are my bbs

If you have any questions feel free to ask or if you wanna draw my ocs ur absolutely allowed

I love ya

[yourleftpinkytoe-blog]

Andreil soulmate au:

Background

Not everyone has a soulmate

To have one you need to fall into a very specific category of people

To put it simply “in order to have a soulmate you and your partner have to choose each other in every universe in existence”

This is a very rare occurrence

Like one in of every million people have a soulmate

You know you have one when you are born with a picture of something that holds meaning to you and you soulmate in every universe

There is only one way to make the marks disappear (when they do you are no longer soulmates in any universe)

“If romantic feelings are expressed and unreciprocated”

As long as there is a possibility for a relationship there is a bond

So all it takes is a no that is genuine for the bond to break

(So if affection is felt by one but never expressed then your still soulmates until the other party rejects you)

(If both parties hold romantic feelings for the other but are unable to be in a relationship then the bond is still there)

It’s basically a “yes, until it’s a no”

***

Nathaniel Wasinski was born with a soulmate to the delight of absolutely nobody. His father hated it for the soul reason of it being a potential joy for his son. He will go on to attempt to rid his son of the mark via a hot iron.

His mother hated it for being a distraction. Years after she would hate it for the fact that frankly, it’s too recognizable. Too distinct.

Abram likes it. In his eyes it’s something to latch onto. “In another universe maybe I’m not constantly in fear of the mob coming to kill me.” It’s hope but hope is not something he has room for so he doesn’t dwell on it.

Alex, Stephan, Chris nor any of his other identities have a soulmate. Abram’s soulmate is his and his alone. He only allows himself to acknowledge his mark in the dead of night locked in motel bathrooms. He traces the lines of the key, watching himself do so in the mirror. He doesn’t acknowledge the multitude of scars surrounding it. In those moments he lets his mind wander to all the possibilities. Who is his soulmate? Are they happy? Do they have a mom that rips their hair out too? Will they ever meet? If they do, could he even feel the types of feelings necessary for them to stay soulmates? Would his soulmate like him? He hopes so. It’s the only thing he lets himself hope for.

***

Andrew Doe was born with a soulmate, his twin brother was not. That distinction played a major part in Tildas decision. She knows the attention people like that bring. If she’s already going to have to deal with a snotty crying shit maker, she wants to do it in peace.

You’d think a child with a soulmate would be easily adopted. It is already rare for a child to be born with a soulmate let alone one that’s being put up for adoption. But Tilda’s track record for abandoning then subsequently coming back for said child put a bad taste in potential adopters mouths. So Andrew gets passed around from one hellhole to another, each with a new and exciting type of trauma for him to experience.

Andrew when he was young liked that he had a soulmate. He’d been abandoned so much but the idea of someone actually choosing him not just once but in every universe gave him hope.

All hope he had died when he was seven.

By the time Andrew Minyard is his legal name he no longer looks at his mark with any emotion at all. It was apart of him but he felt nothing for it. Or at least that’s what he tells himself.

He definitely doesn’t get an intense feeling of longing when he catches a glimpse of the key on his forearm. He definitely doesn’t ever think about his soulmate. who he is, what he’s doing, if they’ve met, how they could meet, what he look like. Is his life just as shitty as his own? No he definitely doesn’t think about that.

Except Andrew is only a liar when it matters and this doesn’t matter. So yes he thinks about his soulmate far more than he’d ever admit out loud ,But it’s not like it matters to him. His soulmate is a pipe dream, something to thinks about but never something he can have.

He’s too broken for his soulmate to choose him anyway.

[sophsicle]

Okay, I understand hating Snape as an adult. He's a bully. But as a kid? As a teen? The result we see of Snape, him as a shitty adult, is an imperfect victim. Someone who had a bad life, made bad decisions, and was impacted by everything that happened to him. Not everyone can be abused, bullied, grow up in extreme poverty, and then pull through to be amazing people. SOME people can, and that's so amazing, but I don't think it's healthy to look at a child/teen with literally every social determinant of health against them and say 'well, they should've been able to do better'.

Does Snape suck as an adult? Yes. Did he also make decisions which saved Harry's life and allowed them to end the war? Also yes. Does he ultimately sacrifice his life for Harry? Yes. Does young Snape have a lot of potential, especially in spaces such as fanfiction, to explore the effects of one's upbringing and subsequent choices/life path (which you have explored so beautifully, carving out a life for a character in your stories with the very same themes)? Definitely.

I'm not saying he is a perfect person, or even a good guy, but a lot of people can and do relate to him as imperfect victims of bullying and abuse. Sometimes you can't rise above life's circumstances on your own, and you aren't this 'amazing' person. And that's okay. It's okay for victims of things like abuse to struggle, and it's good for people to acknowledge that things like bullying AREN'T okay and have lifelong consequences for their victims. Snape is a good example of what happens to a lot of people who aren't able to 'rise above' the things that happen to them and make mistakes. I think blind hatred for him is a very narrow-minded view, and ignores a lot of his story and nuances.

So two things a) I think perhaps you are missing some of the silly fun spirit I was attempting to infuse into my hatred of snape who is a character not a person

b) listen, I think snape is a super interesting character to play with because he offers a counter point to the marauders especially where issues of class are concerned, even the insults the marauders use against him, about him being "dirty" have clear class connotations and I think that allows you to critique the biases of the "heroes" of the story so to speak and that’s something I really like, so I’m not trying to suggest that he should just be dismissed because I don’t think he should be necessarily

What I am suggesting, is that JKR writes a grown adult teacher who abuses his students consistently and brutally for seven books (students he knows are already traumatized because the group he was a part of tortured or murdered their parents) and at the end of the series we are meant to forgive him because he loved a woman one time kind of maybe I guess

Now, fanfiction can do whatever it wants and make characters whoever it wants

But I have a fundamental problem with the way that snape is used in canon and the way that people accept that narrative

His behaviour as an adult towards the children he is in charge of is gross and unforgivable, but is absolutely forgiven by the narrative of the original text (without, I would argue, any of the nuance you are suggesting)

So I just find it less compelling to use fanfiction to continue to forgive this character

And like maybe if JKR didn’t explicitly write him as someone I was supposed to love I would feel differently, but because she does I don’t

I think you’re giving this character a lot more depth than he has

Which you totally can do with any character you wish, but for me, personally, not universally, cause there is no universal truth about a fictional character who does not exist, he deserves to be hated, in my opinion, again, cannot stress this enough, I’m not saying there is a right way to feel about this character because I don’t think you can say that about characters , but this is my way and I hate him and these are my reasons

Like you can hate characters without being narrow minded

I fear this is a thing you can do

[myhyperfixatedmess]

Intrusion.

Tom Riddle × Fem!Reader

You always had a hard time understanding why Tom kept you so hidden away. One night something happens that makes you realize why.

Word count: 1.7k

Content warning: Hints of a panic attack, violence, depictions of torture.

Soft!Tom makes an appearance!

You were very aware that Tom kept you at a distance from his...business.

Even during your time at school, he only allowed you to attend the Room of Requirement meetings a couple of times after much pleading. Graduating didn't change the situation much, despite your marriage; you didn't mind not knowing every detail of his plans, but the extent of your seclusion felt odd. You just wanted to understand why he kept you hidden away so intensely.

Most days, you tried to convince yourself that being the wife of the Dark Lord was enough, even if you had no say in his world-altering decisions. It was hard to ignore that some of his followers were unaware of your existence, while others knew you only as "The Dark Lord's mistress," a term you doubted Tom was aware of or would tolerate.

Though a few Death Eaters knew you from your Hogwarts days, most remained tight-lipped around you, offering mere nods or quiet acknowledgments. It was clear they feared Tom greatly; making eye contact with you seemed like a perilous act. You weren't sure if it was due to his direct orders or their assumptions about his expectations. Either way, though you couldn't really fault them for hiding from you. While you weren't scared of Tom, you could understand why others would be. 

Quiet apprehension gnawed at you as you contemplated discussing your concerns with Tom. But you reasoned that avoiding potential arguments and trusting him were better choices. After all, you were an adult now, not a teenage worrier. You had married him despite his questionable morals, so who were you to judge?

The muffled conversations behind closed doors and fleeting glimpses of secretive meetings became your new norm. Sometimes you managed to catch glimpses through cracks, only to have the door swiftly shut when you were noticed. While you occasionally wondered about his trust in you, you pushed those doubts away to avoid unnecessary distress. You remained silent, occupying yourself with your own pursuits, whether it was reading, writing, or wandering the halls of the inherited family estate.

On this particular evening, you found yourself in the library, Tom being out for the night, which didn't bother you. As you perused the shelves, a loud bang from downstairs jolted you. Frozen in place, you strained to listen for more sounds, until harsh, unfamiliar voices reached your ears. Loud and aggressive, they echoed from the ground floor.

Panic surged as you realized you were in danger. These voices weren't part of Tom's inner circle, and you backed away from the library door, realizing that someone had broken into your home. The thought of a robbery crossed your mind, but then a chilling realization struck—you hadn't considered the possibility that Tom's ambitious plans might have made enemies.

Your initial instinct was to leave the house, apparate, and contact Tom for help. But as your hand reached for your wand, you remembered it was in your room. Unlike Tom, you couldn't perform wandless magic. Trapped and helpless, the sound of angry shouting grew louder, approaching from downstairs.

With each thud of footsteps ascending the stairs, you strained to catch their words. The first voice, a man's, sent a shiver down your spine as he called out, "Where is that bitch?" It was clear they were after you, and this wasn't just a random intrusion; they intended to harm you.

Anxiety clenched at your heart. You had never felt targeted before, never imagined this vulnerability. You cursed yourself for not being better prepared, for letting yourself be defenseless and alone. As their voices drew nearer, panic coursed through you; you were trapped, with no means of escape. 

With painstaking effort, you inched backward against the library wall, the cold surface offering a stark contrast to your racing heart. The air felt thin and suffocating, your breaths shallow and uneven, while beads of sweat dotted your forehead.

They were right outside the door now.

You pressed your hands against the wall, your pulse pounding in your ears, as you prayed for them not to notice you. They pounded on the door, and you clamped your eyes shut, fear tightening its grip on you with each thud.

A shiver of dread ran down your spine as the door gave way, crashing open under their assault. Two men stormed in, wands at the ready. Your body locked up, terror stifling your voice, and you blinked back tears that threatened to betray your composure. This couldn't be real, it couldn't be happening.

The realization hit that running was futile—your exit was blocked. Your heart raced as their eyes settled on you, and you weighed your chances against them without a wand. Your legs trembled as the fear that gripped you teetered on the edge of overwhelming.

"There she is," one of the men sneered, his gaze locking onto you. Panic gripped you tighter, the world narrowing down to their menacing forms.

"We've been looking for you. I'll take her. Come along." His companion's nod was a chilling confirmation, and your pulse quickened as he aimed his wand at you. Their grip tightened, hauling you forward, and you struggled against their grasp. Your voice wavered as you spoke, desperation evident, "Don't do anything foolish. Let me go!"

Their faces twisted with anger at your words, their cruelty evident.

"Voldemort's whore has a temper," the other man taunted, the use of Voldemort's name sending a shock through you. These were Tom's followers, but why target you? They had to know the repercussions of angering him.

"What do you want with me? What are you doing?" you pleaded, flinching when the grip on your arm intensified.

"Enough talking," he snapped, his wand slicing through the air to silence you. Before you could react, the curse fell from his lips.

"Crucio."

Agony erupted, a scream tearing from your throat. Pain seared across your skin, your body convulsing as the torture curse wracked you. Darkness encroached on your vision, and you were thrown backward, a collision with a bookshelf shattering your senses.

As your awareness wavered, a silver dagger gleamed in one captor's hand, your body too weak to move. The other man grabbed your hair, his wand trained on you, while the dagger-wielding one advanced with malicious intent.

"Please, no! Tom will b—"

"Shut it!" the man spat, the blade plunging into your leg. Agony shot through you, your body wracked with pain as your screams filled the room.

"That bastard doesn't even know we're here, but he's gonna regret making a fool out of us," the man hissed, drawing closer. Nausea swelled within you, tears clouding your vision.

"Unhand her." The voice cut through the chaos, familiar and commanding.

"Tom…" you croaked weakly, blinking teary eyes to see him standing behind your assailants. His eyes blazed with fury, and you clung to his presence, your savior in this nightmare.

The attackers froze, their surprise palpable.

"M- My lord," one stammered, and Tom's lip curled with disdain.

"Ah, so it is 'my lord' now?" he seethed, closing in. The men scrambled, leaving you slumped against the bookshelf.

"We meant no disrespect, sir," one attempted, while the other looked on anxiously. "We simply were…"

"Were what?" Tom's anger laced his voice. "Please do explain your assault on my wife."

"My lord," the shorter man bowed, "We didn't know—We just thought she was some intruder!"

The taller man nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, we came for you and saw her! We thought she was breaking in, my lord, I swear!"

The lies were transparent.

"Not only did you invade my home and attack my wife, but you dare lie about it," Tom growled, his gaze steely.

"No, we're—"

"Silence!" Tom's command silenced them both.

"Both of you will go downstairs; I will address this later." The men hurried away, assuming they were off the hook. Tom turned to you, worry etched his features as he reached for your trembling hands.

"My love, can you hear me?" he murmured, his voice a soothing balm. His arms enfolded you, lifting you gently. Pain rippled through you, your vision swimming.

"Everything will be all right now, I am here," he assured softly, but your pain remained relentless. Tom's gaze shifted to your bleeding leg, his brows furrowing in concern.

"You will be fine," he said gently as he cradled you. The pain was overpowering, your vision blurring as you teetered on the brink of unconsciousness.

His voice reached you, your consciousness slipping away, but you knew he was there.

And then the darkness enveloped you.

-

When consciousness returned, you found yourself in your bed, the dull ache in your head the only lingering reminder of the ordeal. Your gaze shifted to your bandaged leg, confirming that the events weren't some nightmarish illusion. Sighing, you realized it had all been real.

You pushed yourself up, cautiously testing your body's limits. Muscles protested the movement, and a groan escaped your lips as pain surged through you. Memories of the harrowing experience played on a loop in your mind, each scene etched with vivid intensity.

Tom's voice interrupted your thoughts. "You need to rest." His presence filled the room, and you met his gaze as he spoke.

"How long was I asleep?" you questioned, trying to make sense of the passage of time.

"13 hours," he replied calmly, offering you a glass of water. He settled beside you on the bed.

"Thirteen hours!?" Shock colored your voice as you nearly dropped the glass. "I was unconscious for thirteen hours?"

Tom's reassurance came with a touch. "It is okay, you're safe now," he said, his arms encircling you. The glass of water quickly emptied as you downed it, your body yearning for hydration after the ordeal.

"So, what happened to the intruders?" you ventured, your apprehension clear in your voice.

"They have been dealt with," Tom's response was clipped, his demeanor stern. You understood the implication behind his words and chose not to press further.

"I'm sorry, Tom," you murmured, resting your head against his chest. Fatigue washed over you, threatening to pull you back into sleep.

"For what?" he inquired gently.

"Being reckless," you admitted, your eyelids growing heavy.

"I was careless too," he confessed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "They are gone now. I will never let any harm come to you again."

"Promise?" you whispered, your eyes fluttering closed.

"I promise," his reply was tender, and with a content smile, you surrendered to sleep once more.

[deepdreamnights]

Hey there, saw your post re: harassment around artists using gen ai and thought it was great esp with the debunking of data usage myths. Would you share your thoughts regarding concerns that models are being trained to copy specific art styles and thus pose a direct threat to the artists whose art styles are being used?

Well, there's several levels to that.

The main one is that on copyright grounds, styles are explicitly non-copyrightable. Moreover:

No one's style is unique

No one's style is unimitatable by analogue means.

The second point is important, because anyone can go on Fiverr right now and and find someone to replicate any given art style, and every competent draftsperson has to be able to do it to some degree or another. No major animation house, art studio, or comic company has ever hired someone because they couldn't find someone else that could imitate the surface-level aspects of their style.

The first point is just a matter of basic reality. Ex-nihlo creativity either doesn't exist or is so rare as to be a once-in-an-epoch thing. Everyone builds on the influences that they learn from, and if you think someone has a unique style what they really have is a different media diet than you.

For example, Don Bluth. Born 1937, aged 15 in 1952.

Same year Time released this this picture of Burlesque Performer Dale Strong.

Someone made an impression.

Marilyn Monroe was also a national sex symbol when Bluth was a teen, putting some context to most of his other ladies, but especially Goldie Pheasant (or maybe she's more Jayne Mansfield, hard to tell through the bird-ness). His art style has obvious roots with Tex Avery and I would guess he read Mad Magazine a lot as a kid.

And Not to hang the guy out to dry alone, I was a teenager in the 1990s, and most of my sexy fictional ladies are 9/10 some combination of Dana Scully, Peg Bundy, and Rhonda Shear.

The point being that style isn't something you create intentionally so much as an accumulation of influences, drawn from the commons. Attempting to claim ownership of such a thing is by itself an act of theft in my view, and allowing them to be protected under the law would mean a judge being shown exactly how many pieces of prior art the Walt Disney Corporation owns that your work superficially resembles. Why, they'll even run it through a style recognizing AI to make sure they catch them all.

But let's talk about style matching.

It just takes one image now, and doesn't require training.

Which I'm sure sounds frightening, but this has been the situation since February for Midjourney, and it was available in the Stable Diffusion ecosystem long before that. If the threat were as pronounced as feared, we'd have seen the impact by now. And we haven't, and we're unlikely to, for several reasons, several of them listed above.

The largest is that style isn't even close to the be all/end all of what an artist brings to a given project. And the kinds of execs who are making a 'replace 'em with a robot' kinda decision aren't the kinds of people who care about art style beyond how much it looks like the most recent successful thing. And nobody's ever needed a robot to ride coattails.

But the next largest part is that AI style imitations aren't really accurate because the robot doesn't see style in the same way we do. It's all just math to the robot, and it prioritizes what it notices, not what we do.

I'll demonstrate.

Jack Kirby will be my example, for several reasons.

He has a bold and identifiable style, he's arguably the most famous artist in western comics history, and he has many analogue imitators and homagers.

Using Midjourney and prompting "an illustration of dana scully by jack kirby, 1968, in the style of 1960s marvel comics --ar 3:4 --s 15"

Using the base model, on the first roll we get three complete style mismatches and one that's kinda close, though I'd say that's way more Sal Buscema or John Byrne.

Kirby's women had a certain, difficult to describe oddness about their faces that the robot doesn't seem to grok, and it doesn't touch on the kinds of wild patterns and bold black/white swatches that make Jack's work feel 'jack'.

Tom Scioli's take on Kirby is a sort of lovingly flanderized parody, but it captures the spirit of Jack's art much more directly even if a lot of individual details aren't period-accurate. He draws Kirby the way you remember Kirby from your childhood, but I don't question whether the page above is trying to be a Jack Kirby homage or one to Sal Buscema.

But Midjourney has style reference, so we can inject the Kirby right in. Using the picture of Sersei dancing from above with the same prompt, we get:

Well, the work is more convincingly period, but again, we're not terribly close to being on-point. In fact, they're not very consistent between each other. Top left is any 80s marvel fill-in artist. Top right is maybe Kirby-esq. Bottom Left is flat out Jim Lee, bottom right is very Byrne-y.

Using three reference images to give the best shot, I'm also moving to using images of a similar color style, and all with a woman as the central focus. I have included the infamous Crystal pin-up shot because as I said, Kirby women have a certain oddness to them (fondly).

Results (MJ 6.1 on the left, Niji 6 on the right):

It all says 60s-70s Marvel, but I don't think Kirby would be the first guess for any of them. Maaaaaaybe the lower-left Dana in image #2 if you squint.

And that's Jack Kirby. Massively popular and prolific with a career spanning decades. If anyone in the comics space should be impersonatable by this thing, its him.

I'm sure you could train a LORA to get closer, and sure, the tech is only going to get better from here, but by the nature of how the system works no generation pulls just from what is referenced. Every generation is both blended with other concepts and emphasizes only what the machine catalogs as relevant, not what we might.

There's not much to stop someone from imitating your style with a machine, but there was nothing stopping them from doing the same with an underpaid freelancer. The results are likely to miss the mark regardless.

If the client wants you, they'll try and get you. If they just want something kinda like you, they've always had an avenue to that.

Fortunately, you're more than your style, and whatever anyone can do with the machine, you can do better because you've got access to both.

[recoord]

More thoughts on supporting GO S3

I will always be grateful to GO for giving me comfort in troubling times, but now I find it difficult to support a new season of the series that mainly benefits an alleged perpetrator.

Five credible sexual assault allegations against Neil Gaiman and he's still capable of successfuly releasing another project under his name. Season 3 being released helps him to keep his status as a lucrative creator in the entertainment industry and this helps him to conserve the power that has allowed him to get away with it for so long. His PR team has been making a great work burying the news about the allegations and sadly people hyping Good Omens season 3, without mentioning the allegations, inadvertendly helped on this as well.

However, my opinion will not determine the future of the season. We could assume that Amazon has already invested a lot in the production to just abandon it, so the second best thing would be to ask Amazon to fire Gaiman, he could secretly keep working on the series and the scripts were mainly written by him (the actors and everyone involved will voice Gaiman's words, ugh), and the series will be promoted undeniably mentioning him as one of the creators (I'm sorry for the victims having to hear people praising his name everywhere once again :c), but luckily the news about the allegations would also spread further, more people would come to know about the dangers of Gaiman's predatory behaviour and he would see some consequences.

I still think that cancelling the season would be the best case scenario, but firing him resoundingly and making the reasons for his dismissal heard far and wide might be a reasonable middle ground.

This is just my opinion, but I understand that at the end of the day it's an individual decision whether or not to support the third season.

I'm just going to ask everyone to please reflect on the power Gaiman gains from the projects that are released under his name (not just financially).

Thanks to everyone who has spoken up about the SA accusations even if it hurt to learn that someone who helped create such beloved stories ended up doing so much damage as well.

Here there is a great post that presents actions that fans can take in support of firing Gaiman, still having Season 3, and not ignoring that the allegations exist.

(Petitions, extra steps, etc.)

Thanks a lot to the creator of the card!

Update:

It has been confirmed that both Gaiman and his own production company are out of the project, thanks to everyone who supported his dismissal!

The changes made for the GO final serve as a message to the creators and everyone abusing of their power:

If you harm people, it will not be without consequences for you and the things you profit from financially and professionally.

Power to the victims. They were brave enough to share their stories. You will never be forgotten.

Scarlett, K, Claire, Caroline, Julia, Courtnee...

Still sceptical about supporting the victims? I recommend reading:

Staying neutral until Neil Gaiman is convicted by the courts?

Falling Safes (I very much recommend reading this one)

Here there is a great summary of the available sources (Podcasts links, transcripts, etc.): Credits for the round up to Muccamukk.

Thank you to all those who continue to speak out about the allegations and do not let the voices of the victims fall into oblivion.

[sanemistar]

⋅˚₊‧ ᡣ𐭩 destiny — sanemi shinazugawa

ᡣ𐭩 pairing: sanemi x fem!reader ᡣ𐭩 genre: fluff, soulmate au ᡣ𐭩 wc: 1.1k+ ᡣ𐭩 warnings: not proofread oops ᡣ𐭩 note: this is pt.2 of fate (from sanemi’s pov) which was requested and is long due my bad 😭 anyways pls enjoy !!

sanemi has never believed in things like having a soulmate, he has always thought they only existed in fairytales. but he’d be a liar if he said that the thought has never crossed his mind every once in a while whenever he looks at his wrist and sees those mysterious initials that read 'y/n'. which he's had no clue about whom they belong to. truth be told, he has thought that something like that was simply too good to be true, he thinks he doesn't deserve one. he's filled with curiosity just thinking about meeting his ‘destined’ person for the very first time, if he gets the chance to, that is. he's wondered who are they and how do they look like, he's been simply eager to know more.

then one day, the news of a new hashira’s arrival reaches his ears. it's been already the talk of the corps, everyone was so curious about the new hashira, sanemi included of course. he's looking forward to seeing who's this person joining them, and most importantly, he's been looking for someone new to spar with for quite some time now, so this adds even more to his eagerness.

he heads to where hashira meetings are usually held, with feelings of anticipation and curiosity overtaking him. he arrives just as the meeting is about to start, he sits down before kagaya enters the room. shortly after, a soft knock on the door is heard, signaling the arrival of that mysterious hashira that everyone's been talking about nonstop.

"h-hello everyone, my name is y/n and i'm the new lunar hashira, looking forward to working with you all." he's instantly met with a woman that happens to be around his age, her voice is so shaky due to nervousness as she formally introduces herself in front of the hashiras. to be honest, he doesn't understand how someone like her has been appointed as a hashira by none other than kagaya himself. he usually trusts kagaya's decisions without even thinking, but he can't say the same about this one.

sanemi is unaware of the fact that his eyes have been practically glued on her this whole time as he's staring so intensely at her, a little too intensely. for some reason, there's something about her that's forcing him to look at her as if she's the only person in the room. this feeling leaves him quite irritated.

there's a heavy layer of awkward silence, before obanai decides to break it as he starts speaking.

"oyakata-sama, allow me to say that i don't think she has what it takes to be a hashira." he politely announces his disagreement. the rest don't speak, everyone except sanemi nod in agreement with what obanai said. he decides to wait and think further before he says any opinions on her.

"oyakata-sama, i have a suggestion." sanemi's mouth moves on its own, surprising everyone, including himself. now everyone shifts their gaze onto sanemi, anticipating what he's going to say next.

"how about letting her show us her abilities in a duel? and i volunteer to be her opponent." he can see shock expressed all over her face, he's not aware of the amount of pressure this puts on her, he just has an urge to spar with her.

he notices a sudden look of determination, despite being scared and nervous only moments ago. as if she has something to prove to everyone, and she's not backing off until she makes everyone recognizes her. he likes the change of attitude and finds it amusing.

"fair enough, sanemi." kagaya announces his approval of sanemi's suggestion, surprising the rest of the hashiras.

"what about you, y/n?" he then turns around and asks the woman softly.

"i don't mind, i'll do my best to show everyone that i'm determined to become a hashira and defeat muzan." the courage in her voice as her demeanor changes to a more serious one rails sanemi up even more, he can't wait to see what kind of person she is on the battlefield.

both of them are given wooden swords, facing each other while waiting for the beginning signal. the moment the fight begins, sanemi attacks in full force right away, not wasting a single second.

for two full minutes, he continues to launch a series of fierce and fast attacks at her, not allowing her to attack him for once. the only thing she can do is defense.

"oi oi, tired already?" sanemi smirks, obviously looking down on her. and in that moment, he notices an enraged look in her eyes. looks like he successfully provoked her. he watches her as she gathers her strength and get up, refusing to give up easily.

as the fight continues, he can tell that her moves are getting better, she's catching up to him and successfully dodges his attacks. she even manages to land some attacks on him, which fires him up even more. it's the first time in a while since he's had this much fun sparring against someone, it's exactly what he's been looking for. everyone else is watching the two of you in admiration.

just when the fight begins to reach its peak and sanemi is about to deal the final blow, y/n sees an opening and uses one of her strongest lunar breathing techniques. as a result, both sanemi and his wooden sword fall on the ground, announcing her miraculous victory.

the rest of the hashiras stand there in utter and complete silence, not only y/n managed to keep up with the second strongest hashira, who's known for his insane stamina and endurance ability, but she beat him.

for the first time in so long sanemi experiences the feeling of defeat, and it's very unpleasant for him to say the least. he's never seen this coming, he's thought the fight would end in his obvious victory. he hates to admit his defeat, but she was stronger than him. she won fair and square, and she managed to prove herself worthy of being one of the hashiras.

he slowly approaches her collapsed figure and extends an arm out, helping her get up from the ground.

"don't get ahead of yourself just because you beat me today, i won't go easy on you next time, got it?" he huffs and walks away, not even waiting to hear her response.

sanemi then checks his wrist and he smirks when he finds out that the initials that were previously there disappeared. so this woman is his 'destined' soulmate, he's finally brought together with the one person who's meant for him. crazy how destiny works, he has never expected to meet his soulmate like this, but sanemi doesn't mind it. because to him, having someone as amazing and strong as y/n as his soulmate is more than enough, and more than what he deserves. he can't wait to see what fate has for them next.

tagging: @browneyedgirl22 because you asked me to tag you in part 2 <33

[i-cant-sing]

Whispers in your ear like a devil on your shoulder: you should make the Miguel O'Hara scenarios. Think of the hot dad energy he would emanate :))))))

Jokes aside, it is truly up to you what to write and I would always read it, but I am begging on my hands and knees for you to tell us the platonic yandere Miguel O'Hara scenarios you have thought of.

Nooo stooopppp girll- *puts on Miguel's theme music in the background* ahh shit here we go.

Platonic Yandere Miguel O'Hara as a dad:

Okay, so im just gonna word vomit here and yall make sense of it, but like the first thing that comes to mind when I think about yandere dad Miguel is that him kidnapping daughter reader from a universe where he doesn't exist, so he's technically not breaking canon or whatever and really, it doesnt even matter if you're his bio kid or not, like u could be a literal random civilian but if he is drawn to u, then he is. And while some of yall say "oh come on, Miguel cant be like that. He doesn't make careless/thoughtless decisions like that" I'm sorry, but is this not the same person who had the nerve to step in as his dead self from an AU and sleep with his parallel universe's wife and father someone else's kid??? Granted, they did end up dying but really, the only difference between that decision and this decision to kidnap u is to make sure that u don't end up dyingggg.

Moving on, he kidnaps u, makes up some bs about your life being in danger and blah blah blah, you HAVE to stay by his side, okay??? And at first, reader is like "umm okay?" because who tf wouldnt agree with SPIDERMAN??? (especially one who looks like Miguel? he is already giving dad vibes)

And the thing with Miguel is that he super protective (because PTSD) and he's possessive too, so the only person you're allowed to hang out with is Mayday (she is the cutest, i would die to have a kid like her ngl) because he doesnt see her as a threat (someone who could take u away from him). ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT with Miles (because he hates that kid, pain in his ass/bane of his existence) and pretty much all other spiderpersons as well because all of them are sarcastic and he does not need them rubbing off on u. The only other person he would trust u with is Peter B, probably when Miguel needs a babysitter (because u learned to mess with his tech-typy-locks and traps, so u need an actual person to keep eyes on u. curse the universe for u being smart like ur papa), and the biggest reason he does trust peter with u is because since peter is a father himself, he would definitely know that while miguel's methods are wrong, in his own way, he is protecting u, and peter b knows that he would do absolutely anything to keep his daughter safe too. Also- since peter has mayday, if he were to actually take u away from Miguel, then Miguel would 10000% kidnap mayday and use her against peter too until he inevitably has to return u to him.

Now Miguel is emotionally crippled due to his trauma, so he's not great at expressing his feelings, at least not when you're awake. When you're asleep, maybe his eyes turn a little softer, maybe he cups your cheek, some guilt and sadness swirling in his eyes when he sees your tear stained cheek (because u missed ur family. or maybe u got told off by Miguel in front of everyone), presses a soft kiss to your forehead and mumbles something in spanish ("you will understand in due time, mi hija.") Definitely has cameras in your room, so he looks at you through the screen and sighs when u flop on the bed and stuff your head in the pillow and start crying, heart slightly heavy with guilt.

Except from interacting with others and leaving the spider society/his apartment (idk where he lives), every need of yours is pretty much taken care of IF you follow his rules. If you behave, u get everything. If u yell at him, try to break out of his place etc, privileges are revoked and BAM, you are now confined to your room with no access to entertainment or any of your hobbies he allowed u to have. Those novels u liked to read? Too bad, they get thrown in the fireplace. Gaming console? Broken in his hands. Liked to cook/bake? No access to kitchen because u are now locked in your room.

Miguel has one important rule- you MUST obey him, under all circumstances, no questions asked. If he tells you to go to your room, honey go before his eyes turn sharp and he has to manhandle you. If he tells you to eat dinner with him, you need to eat food even if you are full. And if he's forbidden you from going to the locked room in his place that's full of info on you and your old fam, then its best for everyone for u to obey.

Now, while Miguel does have trouble expressing emotions (i mean, the most affection he's shown is head pats and if u are really really sad, then yes, smooches on the forehead.) but he has no trouble expressing anger and rage. If u mess up real bad, in the sense where u disobey him and end up hurting yourself (no matter to what degree), GIRL HE IS SCREAMING HIS HEAD OFF AT YOU (like the scene from the movie where he's yelling at miles). I mean, he's so mad, he legit picks you up and hauls you to your room, where he's yelling at u even more, using the terms "child" "kid" and patronising tone because you may think you're a grown up (u might even be) but he will ALWAYS view u as a kid- THE KID he lost, the child he promised to protect and somehow get redemption, or at the very least, fill the empty hole in his heart.

And since nobody thought to inform me that my man Miguel is a literal VAMPIRE and that his fangs are not just for show to attract all kinds of viewrs, we gonna talk about that as well. Does he use them on reader when she finds out that Miguel actually fucking murdered her real fam (maybe not directly kill them, because he is a hero after all. Maybe in the sense that he knew they were gonna die, you would too unless he took u away, he just didnt bother calculating the repercussions if he did indeed save your family.) and reader is now hyperventilating and trying to claw her way out of his arms but muscled arms only pull u tighter against his chest and he just bites ur neck to let the venom paralyse you long enough for him to not only offer an explanation for his actions, but also put a tracker in you and chain u to your bed.

Does Miguel's heart absolutely shatter at your body wracking sobs and distressed state as you realise you have lost your family? Yes. Does he apologise? Never. Does he like seeing you in pain? NO. Will he cause you even more pain? ...yes, if circumstances change.

Hurting you is the last the thing he's do, but its still something he would do. He wont enjoy it, but if u messed up real bad (escaped and endangered yourself) then Miguel, with a very heavy heart will snap your ankles and limit your ability to walk for months (if not for life). This is one of his harshest punishments, and punishments are immeadiately followed with comfort, so Miguel does put your fractured bones in a cast and wipes the tears from his eyes, shushing you gently as he softly explains why he did what he did, how you dont need to worry about anything because since you took your punishment so well, Miguel will help you (he will carry you around everywhere), and maybe if you're in too much pain, he may give you some drugs(or even his venom) to put you to sleep right away.

He has lost too much, too many times. His wounds are deep and still fresh, he is not taking any chances... especially not with you.

okay thats all i have for now(its a lie, i just need to pee) but feel free to send in ur asks/thoughts/scenarios.

[cherriegyuu]

Elevator | 02

pairing: jihoon x fem!reader genre: angst, soulmate word count: 17k sumary: in a world where soulmates exists, jihoon is faced with difficult decisions

part one | part two (final)

He doesn't know what woke him up first, the wetness on his face or how tight his chest felt - like it was about to explode. Maybe it was a weird mix of both.

Pushing the covers off his body, Jihoon tried to sit up. There was no reason for him to be feeling that way, he knew that. He didn't dream of anything, or at least he didn't remember it. In an attempt to calm himself, Jihoon got out of bed, went to the bathroom, and washed his face. 

But the tears were still there when he tried them off, the tightness in his chest and throat getting stronger by the second. He hadn't felt that way in so long and even back then it wasn't that bad…

Jihoon ran to the door before his body could fully process what he was doing. His mind moved much faster than his recently awoken body allowed him to. There was only one reason why tears would spill from his eyes without his permission, one that he was never able to control.

"y/n!" 

Jihoon hit the wooden door with all his strength, both of his hands taking turns on an unstoppable plea for you to open the door. He knew that you were the only one who could bring out that sort of reaction in him. He should have realized it earlier. It took him too long to wake up and understand what was happening.

"y/n! Please, open the door"

He didn't stop even when a neighbor came out to see what all the commotion was about. At that point, he didn't know if the tears in his eyes were only yours or if his own had gotten mixed up together. And being honest he didn't care.

Your name was on the tip of his tongue, ready to be called out again when the door was door was pulled open. Jihoon didn't even have a chance to look at your face before your arms circled his neck and pulled him close.

Not knowing what to do, he just held your trembling body close. Running his hand over the length of your hair, in a silly attempt to calm you down. It was obvious that it wasn't going to help all that much, but little was still better than nothing at all. Some sort of momentary comfort was all he could give you.

When he was a kid, Jihoon's mom would do the same to him. Not when he was simply throwing a tantrum, though his parents always caved during those times, they knew the difference between real and fake tears. 

The notch in his throat got thicker as your arms got tighter around him. 

"It's Chan," you said finally, your words muffled by his shoulder "Accident"

You said more but all of your words got lost in his shirt. Though he didn't understand the rest, what he did understand was more than enough. When both of you were stuck at the elevator, you explained it to him or, rather, gave him little information that told him everything he needed to know.

He pulled your hands away from him and took a step back. Your hair was sticking to your face, your pajamas wrinkled, and the tears left an obvious path on your cheeks. 

Jihoon wanted to protect you from the world, from himself. However, there was only one thing he could offer you.

"Put your shoes on, I'll take you to him"

Somewhere along the road, you stopped crying. The only sound coming from you was the leftover sobs that still lightly shook your body. Your eyes had been so focused on the road ahead of you, on how it seemed endless, that you didn't even notice that Jihoon held your hand, that he looked at you now and then - concern covering all of his features.

The only thing on your mind was Chan. If he was okay, what exactly had happened to him? The emptiness that filled you when you were told that your parents were gone threatened to make its appearance once again and you hated it. 

Another car crash.

Was it possible that life, universe, destiny, god, or whatever it was called, was cruel enough to take someone else from you like that? You wanted to believe that lightning doesn't strike the same place twice but it was hard to do so. No one wanted to give out any information on your brother over the phone, even when Jihoon tried calling them and playing the doctor card. 

It was completely silent. The world around you got smaller, and darker until it was hard to breathe. And there was nothing that you could do about it.

Jihoon was doing his best, driving over the speed limit, but having to be careful so both of you didn't get in an accident too. A car drive that usually took three hours became two but still felt like an eternity.

Please be okay.

You bolted out of the car the second it stopped, forgetting to check if Jihoon was behind you. Everyone looked at you with wide eyes as you rushed inside, taking notice of your pajamas, worn-out shoes, and messy hair.

"Someone called me about my brother, and said that he was brought in after an accident"

The lady behind the computer looked at you over her glasses and sighed. It was something she was used to, desperate people looking for family members. 

"Name?"

"Lee Chan"

It felt like forever had gone by while she typed your brother's name and waited for the computer to load all the information. 

"ER 3" she finally said. 

A huge hospital, with more hallways than what you thought was possible, separated you from Chan. Thankfully Jihoon seemed to know exactly where that was. His hand landed lightly on your lower back, guiding you. 

You walked inside the room frantically, going from bed to bed, until you heard Chan's voice, his laugh going around the wide room. 

Pulling the curtains away you were faced with a very happy Chan, looking at his coach like nothing was wrong in the world. A sling covered his arm and an orthopedic boot was around his left leg. 

"What are you doing here?"

All of the concern and fear you felt seconds before were replaced by anger. The purest kind of anger that exists, borderline wrath. Your body now shook for an entirely different reason.

"You were drunk and driving?"

It was so easy to pick up the smell of cheap beer and booze on his clothes. It was so strong that you were sure that he had bathed in it.

"I wasn't the one driving," he said. 

He was out of it, almost completely. His words were a slurred mess, the smell of vomit coming out of his clothes and mouth almost made you want to throw up. The scene right in front of you made you wonder just what kind of life Chan was living now that he was at college, away from you.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was? I thought you were gone too" the words were barely a whisper. You wanted to hit him, shake him until he was finally back to his senses until that goddamn alcohol left his body.

Instead, you cried. You were angry with him for being so careless but you were also thankful. You spend three hours thinking that he was dead, that because no one wanted to tell you how he was, the worst must have happened. The fear of being in a world without Chan, of being left alone, far greater than anything you've ever felt. It didn't even compare to the day you lost your parents, because then you had Chan. Without him, you weren't too sure of what would be left of you.

"So what now?" you turned to his coach, pushing the tears away.

You remember talking to him briefly before at one or two tournaments you had attended since Chan was a freshman. He wasn't exactly what one would expect of a taekwondo coach, short, bald, and fat, but your brother loved him. Whenever you talked with Chan he only had good words to say about the older man.

"Well, he's suspended for starters" when Chan complained his coach turned to him, his voice suddenly louder than when he was speaking to you "You were training for a competition, you weren't even supposed to be out of your damn dorm"

You were grateful that your brother had someone like that in his life, someone who was willing to ground him and call him on his shit, though all of it could be for show. Maybe he was just playing tough in front of you and at the end, he was like all other coaches ever, the kind that thinks that athletes should be above everything else.

"He'll also need time to heal his arm and leg. So maybe three months overall?"

That was going to be hell for Chan, you knew that. For as long as you could remember, everything he ever did was somehow related to the sport. There was no way Chan and Taekwondo existed in separate realms. 

He couldn't be older than four when you first heard him talk about Taekwondo. The two of you were watching TV and someone in the movie was doing it. The second he saw it, he fell in love with it. He said Sis, I want to do that. And, oh how he wanted it. 

For weeks he walked behind your dad begging to go to classes. I'll be the bestest boy, I promise! Until your parents finally caved. You had never seen Chan quite that happy. It was like someone that young had already found what they were supposed to with their life.

Your parents were sure that Chan would eventually give it up, that he was just going through a phase. Every kid wants to be thousands of different things while growing up and your parents were sure that Chan would be just like all of those kids. It didn't turn out that way though.

As time went by Chan was falling deeper into Taekwondo. There were days that he didn't talk much when he got home, he was frustrated, slamming doors and barely eating. But when you walked past his room you would see him training with a frown on his face and trying again and again. Some days he managed to get it right and others he failed. But never once he gave up, not even for a second.

"I'll take him home, to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid"

You assured the coach, who seemed relieved by your words.

"As if" Chan scoffed.

You could barely see him, his coach covering most of his body, so you pushed the older man to the side.

"Oh, this is not up for debate. You're coming home with me and that's final"

He looked at you then, his eyes turning vicious, knowing that whatever he said next was going to hurt you but still choosing to go forward with it.

"You're not my mom, you can't make me" 

He was being petulant, acting in a way he hadn't since he was fourteen, or maybe fifteen. But instead of backing down, let him have the last word, you crossed your arms over your chest and held your head higher than ever before.

"I'm not Mom, but I'm the only one you've got so suck it up and do as I say"

Jihoon didn't dare to stay inside with you after he saw that Chan was fine, or as fine as he could be considering the situation. He figured it was more of a family situation and whatever he wanted, which was to stay close to you, didn't matter all that much. He reached for his phone and dialed his mom's number before he could stop himself - or even realize what he was doing.

He didn't think that his mom would actually pick up the phone. It was late, the middle of the night, but that was never a problem with Jihoon's mom. Since he was a kid she told him that she worked better during the night and that was one of the reasons why he never really cared about the time he called her. 

"Hey son" 

Of all the people he met in his life, patients, friends, and coworkers, his mother was by far the easiest-going person he ever came across. He knew that if he called her and asked about soulmates and how the bond worked she wouldn't make a big deal out of it. She would be curious about it, like crazy, but she wouldn't press Jihoon to talk about it - at least for a few weeks.

"Hi Mom, how are you?"

"Who do I have to thank for this phone call?" 

He could hear her smile. Was that a weird thing to say? He just knew when she was smiling.

"I have this friend, right?" his mom hummed at the other end, probably knowing that he was full of shit "And he met his soulmate, for a while now, and things are going sort of… bumpy. He is sort of an idiot, but she is great. Anyway… you've always said that once the bond is made and the mark is gone, the trait that connects souls vanishes. But what if it doesn't?"

"You mean it happened again?"

It was his turn to hum and his mom went silent on the other end. He heard as she moved around, the sound of books being opened and closed, pages being turned, was all he received. 

Jihoon knew that he shouldn't have called his mom but she was the only one he could ask. Talking to his dad was just too hard, he would ask too many questions and Jihoon didn't have answers that his dad would like to hear. He wasn't too fond of lying to his dad either.

"It's not impossible" his mother dragged the words out "It doesn't happen very often though. Did it happen to you?"

He choked on his saliva. He tried for a good minute to recompose himself. It was bad enough that a nurse came to check on him.

"I haven't met her yet, you know that" 

Jihoon played it off. He didn't call his dad because he had no intention of lying but he was just doing it to his mom. 

"You may not talk to me a whole lot but your girlfriend does and she tells me things"

Right then was the moment Jihoon regretted telling Mina about it. Then again, he didn't want to keep anything from her. The entire situation was bad already, he didn't want another thing to make it even worse than it had to be. Mina not knowing about you was going to hell on earth.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you" was all he said.

Was there anything else he could say? At the end of the day, it was his life and ultimately his decision. But Jihoon had always been the kind of person who talked to their parents, even when it was hard to get the words out. Like in that moment. 

He knew what his parents thought, knew that they would want him to stay with his soulmate. That's what the universe planned for you, son. There were too many things fighting him on it. It was like the universe was fighting against him, instead of with him.

"It's your choice, you don't have to apologize," his mother said softly, a hint of sadness in her voice "So this girl, y/n, cried again and you did too?"

He nodded, even though his mother couldn't see him. He felt like a child that did something wrong, who broke something expensive, and lied to his parents because he was scared to get caught. So he told his mother everything, from the day he met you to the moment he almost tore you down.

In complete silence, his mother heard everything that he had to say. Not even once did she stop him to ask anything, something that wasn't like her at all. 

Talking about it with someone was better than he expected. Though he told Mina about you, Jihoon didn't dare to say everything - not when she wasn't the one for him. How unfair of him would it be to talk with his girlfriend about his soulmate? He also couldn't talk to Soonyoung about it either. His friend was against everything Jihoon was doing. 

"Fear of death," his mother said after some time "What she was feeling was probably too overwhelming, maybe even bigger than the soul connection. The two of you are yet to fully form the bond, both of you are still holding back right now so it's not that strong yet. She was likely scared that her brother was dead and was scared because she was going to be left alone"

Jihoon's car was quite large but it felt way too small for the three of you. The tension in the air was palpable, you could almost see it. You felt the need to apologize to him but also maybe hit Chan in the head with a hammer. He had been sulking the entire time since you left the hospital and that wasn't making the three-hour drive any easier, the smell of vomit and beer wasn’t helping either. 

"Will you stop that? It's not the end of the world, okay?"

"That depends. How angry will you be if I fail this semester?" his voice was dripping with sarcasm.

You just knew that Chan was lying about it. From what he told you, and what his coach said, if Chan failed or got bad grades he was out of the Taekwondo team in a blink of an eye.

"Will you quit sport then? You can if you want but I call bullshit"

Instead of a smart comeback at your words, Chan laughed so loudly that even Jihoon seemed startled, his eyes looking at your brother through the rearview mirror. A small smile tones his lips. He was relieved that you and Chan were, apparently, on better terms than when you left the hospital. If his laugh was any indication of it, he wasn't as angry anymore. 

"Are you the one teaching her how to curse? Big Sis never did that. Should have learned some of those back in college, would have been very helpful"

You just wanted Chan to shut up. That was ages ago, long enough that you barely remembered it - or you'd like to think you didn't. But it seemed that it was still very much alive in your brother's memory. 

"That barely counts as cursing," you said

"What happened in college?" Jihoon asked at the same time.

It was the first time Jihoon said anything at all since you went inside the ER to find a somewhat drunk Chan. When you came out of the room, fuming, ready to just burst, Jihoon remained calm. The only thing he did was hold your hand, to let you know that he was there. As much as you didn't want to admit his presence had helped, it made you feel less likely to go insane at any given moment. 

But right in that second, after Chan opened his big mouth, you wished that you were on your own, that your little breakdown didn't at all reflect on Jihoon and he had remained oblivious to it. Something, you had no idea what happened and he was suddenly at your door, screaming your name at the top of his lungs and banging on the door like a madman. His voice somehow helped you to get away from the fog that clouded your mind.

Jihoon's presence had made you feel somehow a little closer to your normal self.

You were sure all of it had to do with the soulbond and you hated it all. Hated the idea that you leaned on him, the fact that even after you promised yourself that you wouldn't let him close to you, he did. And with your permission, on top of that.

Now he was getting an insight into your life when he shouldn't. It felt like you were living your life, since the day you met Jihoon, like a broken record that is stuck in the same song. You told yourself that he wouldn't get close to you again, he promised you that he wouldn't, but at the first chance you got you found yourselves near each other again. Whatever excuse you could come up with was valid enough. 

"y/n had a boyfriend in college. Real nice guy until he dumped her the second some other girl showed up"

Let the road swallow me whole, you prayed to whoever listened to you. You didn't want to go there, didn't want to ever talk about that again. Jun had hurt you, yes - quite a lot actually - but many people go through that in life and you certainly weren't going to be the last one. 

You were young at the time, thought you had life completely figured out, and believed what Jun told you. It all seemed so simple. Kids born out of bondless couples don't have soulmates; if you stay with someone for long enough the feeling is just the same as the soul bond All of it was just a huge lie, the biggest one someone ever told you. That someone was yourself.

You were with Jun for five years, from the second year of high school to the third one of college. And you believed it. His parents weren't soulmates either and you two hit it off since the first second. Other kids at school looked at the two of you in a funny way but neither of you seemed to mind. 

It was true, you didn't in the least. You were happy when you were with him and he was too, or at least you liked to think so. You wish you could say that something happened, that towards the end things were bad, but it would be a lie. Everything was fine, great actually. You had been talking about moving in together and life after college. One word that could describe what you felt, was happiness. You felt as if the world was conspiring with you,  helping you move forward in life. 

One day Jun called you and asked to meet you for coffee. You went, of course. Put on nice clothes, did your makeup, thinking you were meeting your boyfriend for a date in the middle of the afternoon. An escape, as he liked to call it. You noticed that something was wrong the second you went inside the cafe. One look at Jun was more than enough to tell that something was wrong and whatever it was, it was enough to break everything that was carefully built for a little over five years.

"I've met her, my soulmate"

All plans and dreams vanished the very second those words were said out loud. You swallowed everything, the lump in your throat, the sudden pain in your chest, and smiled. I should be happy for him. Just because it wasn't certain that you would find your soulmate didn't mean that Jun had to stick beside you.

Soo Ji was nice. Not someone you would ever picture as Jun's soulmate but the universe worked at its own pace. It wasn't your place to butt in. At first, you two, and even Soo Ji in some ways, tried to stay close. For years you stuck to each other so it was weird not to be close or in some sort of contact. But soon you understood that it didn't work quite like that.

A relationship of three doesn't work.

"It was his soulmate, what did you expect him to do?" you asked quietly.

You had that same argument many times with Chan over the years and it always ended the same way. He didn't quite understand and you always played it like it was nothing at all. 

"Stay with you. Lots of people do the same. I bet he is miserable right now, thinking that he should have stayed with you"

Chan couldn't be more wrong. Out of coincidence, you met Jun the other day. He came into the bakery with Soo Ji, a baby in her arms. You had never, not even once, seen Jun smile that brightly when he introduced you to his son. Both of them seemed happy together. It was like the things left unsaid weren't there, that there were no lingering feelings. And perhaps there weren't any on their end, maybe that was only you. You who tried to grab onto something that was doomed from the start.

Soo Ji had been the one to see that your mark was gone. You could see in her eyes that she didn't ask with malice, she seemed genuinely happy for you. For the first time, you felt the need to lie, to pretend that you were living a life that didn't belong to you. 

So you did. 

You told them about your soulmate, about how amazing he was, how happy you were with each other. You just blurted out lies about your life, about moments that never happened, of a future that wouldn't exist at all. 

"Does it make sense that you're here, sad, all on your own because he left?"

You shook your head, a sigh escaping your parted lips. Chan always had the same argument and he never really understood. 

"My soulmate is out there, I'll find him"

Jihoon stiffed by your side, or maybe he had been like that since the whole conversation started and you simply didn't notice. Your words weren't meant to hurt him, they were only supposed to shut Chan up. It was what you always said and, like many times before, it worked wonders. 

More than anyone in your life, Chan knew what your limit was and when it was time to just stop. And that was the right moment to stop, when he saw your hand going unconsciously to your left shoulder and massaged it lightly. The spot your mark was on. 

"I've met mine, you know," he said quietly, more of a secret to himself than words that were supposed to be said out loud. 

You did your best not to make a fuss over it. Like you, Chan had been certain that he would never meet his other half. Your mother's words floated around in your mind, both of you are special. You thought of it only as parent talk. Every parent says that in hopes to lighten up their kids. It just seemed that your parents were onto something when they said that you.

"What happens now?" was all you asked.

If you learned one thing about Chan over the twenty years you've known him was that his life was his and his feelings were only for himself to know about. You had to always be careful of what you said to him, how you asked things. He never lashed out at you, or your parents. The only time he got worked up over something was talking about Jun. 

Chan was always the kind of person that retreats into himself whenever things get too much and you knew that his feelings were too much. 

"Nothing. We don't get along at all, that's it"

Your eyes drifted to Jihoon for a second, to find him looking back at you.

Was it possible that both, you and your brother, were doomed when it came to your soulmates?

My soulmate is out there, I'll find him.

Your words hunted Jihoon in his sleep - or better said the lack of them. After he dropped you and Chan home, Jihoon went straight to the hospital. 

His mind was thankful for the distraction that was work. Never before had he been that pleased to work twelve hours without a break. His day had been so busy that he didn't even find a few minutes to talk to Soonyoung - which was probably a blessing in disguise.

Jihoon was certain that if his friend found out about what you said he would have been thrilled, ready to rub it in his face that he had indeed messed up. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. Jihoon couldn't do to Mina what your college boyfriend did to you. How was he supposed to walk away from Mina like nothing at all ever happened? He couldn't just leave you behind you either.

His mind went around like it was in a maze, only to end up in the same place he started. He had no idea what he was supposed to do. He was certain of one thing though: hearing you talk like he wasn't there, as if you hadn't met him at all, hurt a lot more than he expected. 

My soulmate is out there, I'll find him.

He felt that he was made of thin air, that someone could just pretend that he didn't exist. Not once in his life he felt that way. Jihoon never felt so little that he believed he could truly disappear. 

So he did the only thing he could do, he waited until morning and knocked on your door. Chan was the one who opened the door for him.

"Is your sister still at home?"

He looked at Jihoon with narrowed eyes, head slightly tilted to the said. The doctor was ready to have the door closed on his face but Chan just shook his shoulders and pointed to a closed door at the other side of the room. 

Jihoon was surprised to see that even though your apartment had the same design as his, everything was completely different. Where his place was mostly white and grey, yours was colorful. When he looked at the walls he felt that life jumped out of them, straight to his face pointing out everything that was wrong with his place - or maybe even him.

You had an entire wall dedicated to your family. Pictures of a younger version of you, of Chan when he couldn't be older than ten holding medals and trophies, of your parents and the family together. Jihoon didn't have a single picture of his parents and friends in his apartment, not even on his phone.

"Don't look around too much, the walls may fall down," Chan said from behind him.

All Jihoon did was give him a nod and knock on the bedroom door quickly before going in. You were sitting in your bed, putting your shoes on, when Jihoon burst through the door.

It wasn't at all what you expected to see in the first few hours of the day but you were certain that it would eventually happen. You hoped for it to be much later than it was but there was nothing that you could do to fight it off.

You knew Jihoon was going to ask why you said what you said. He seemed uncomfortable when he heard you but being honest you wished that he could just let it go. Those words were more to soothe Chan than anything else. You knew who your soulmate was and had already found him, you just didn't know what to do with yourself. 

You wished your life could be as simple and easy as the movie made it seem, as Jun had made it look like that all those years before. All you wanted to do was take Jihoon by the hand and run towards the sunset like everyone else. Why is it that everything seemed to be just a little harder for you? While all the people around you, not that there were many but enough, seemed to have their entire lives figured out you were still struggling to take a step forward.

You had been so naïve when Jihoon suddenly showed up in your life. Though you convinced yourself that he would reject you, you still hoped that he wouldn’t. Wanted with the strength of your body that just once things would go your way. The easy way. How easy it would have been if you could just simply follow your heart.

Buried deep down in your heart was the truth you never allowed yourself to say out loud, to even feel. Jihoon carved a place for himself in you, even if your words said the other way. He was the first person you thought about every morning and the desire to hear his voice was the last thing you felt before falling asleep. But none of it belonged to you. Though those feelings existed and were yours, they belonged in a box deep inside the closet where no one could ever have access to it.

If you couldn’t acknowledge your feelings it was better to pretend that they didn’t exist. It was best to pretend that Jihoon didn’t exist.

“Why are you here?”

You looked at him quickly before going back to tying your shoes.

“We have to talk. I wanted to tell you something…”

“I don’t want to hear it” you got up and walked past him, pulling out a coat and putting it on “I appreciate what you did, how you helped me with Chan and stayed by my side. Honestly, thank you for that. But I wish you’d keep your word and stop coming around”

He took a step back as if your words had physically hurt him. Jihoon’s face wasn’t as composed anymore. His soft features contorted into something that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

“I know I said that but it’s not easy”

“And you think this is easy for me?” you pushed the wardrobe door closed with a loud sound. You were sure that it was loud enough that Chan was able to hear it from outside “You keep playing this game of push and pull. It hurts, Jihoon. It hurts so much because you don’t want me, but you also don’t want to let me go. I’m stuck here and have no idea what I'm supposed to do! Should I follow my heart and let this go on, even though I know I'm going to have it broken in the end? Or do I do the reasonable thing and tell you to fuck off?"

You hadn't realized that you were crying until Jihoon was in front of you, his hands on your face as his own eyes welled with tears. You hated how good it felt to have him touch you. Your skin seemed that it was on fire, your entire body reacted to his proximity.

“Don’t cry, not because of me”

You almost laughed at him. He should have said something before you spent the entire night tucked in bed doing your best so Chan wouldn’t hear a sound from the couch. He noticed that something was wrong when you walked inside the apartment. Chan became certain when you moved around like you were on autopilot, when you didn’t say anything about the accident, or even when you didn’t get close to the kitchen at all.

Before whenever Jihoon said that he would stay away you’d secretly wish that he wouldn’t. You used to think that just a little of him was better than nothing at all but as time went by you learned that it wasn’t at all like that. For your sanity, it would have been better if you hadn’t met him at all.

"Can you look at me and say we will be together? That you're going to leave Mina and be with me, as it's supposed to happen between soulmates?"

You could see it, his pain. It was evident in the way his face contorted as if showing the way his brain was working. You know that he wouldn't leave Mina and in a way, you were proud of him. Loyal to a fault. Maybe if Jun had shown you the same loyalty things would be much different.

“Let’s end this, whatever it is, right now. I can’t do this anymore”

Jihoon shook his head in protest as you pushed him away from you, trying desperately to cling onto you – in whatever way he could, for however long he could. But you were adamant about your decision. Nothing he said or did would make you change your mind.

“I’ve been rejected before and it didn’t hurt half as this. I loved Jun very much but I was always ready for the moment he would leave, he wasn’t my soulmate. I knew that it could happen but with you... It never crossed my mind, not even for a second, that something like this could happen. That I would have you this close to me and yet you were so far away. Unreachable. Please, let me go. This never really started but let’s end it anyway”

What could Jihoon say to make it okay again? He knew that there weren’t a lot of words that could do so, and none of them came to mind. Probably because he knew that nothing he said would make you change your mind. He didn’t know you all that well but one look at you was enough to tell him that nothing would.

He just stood in place, his fingers holding loosely to your sleeve. One last silent attempt. You looked at his hand for a second before wrapping your fingers around his wrist and pushing it away. You walked past him, being careful this time not to touch him in any way. Pulling the door open you crossed your arms over your chest, for protection more than anything else.

“Get out, please”

It felt weird to look at the place you had called home for two years empty. When you first moved in you thought of it as a place you would stay for years to come, until the day you managed to get your own house.

The decision to move was you being purely selfish, it was you running away. It was bittersweet, to be honest. You were trying to pretend that nothing ever happened and at the same time doing your best to give yourself a fresh start. 

It took you a little over two months to finally find a place that was of your liking and that had two bedrooms, not one like the apartment you lived in before. Though Chan no longer needed to stay with you, since he was fully recovered and had gone through his suspension, you still wanted to have a room for him. He was all grown up and could take care of himself but to you, he was still a little scrawny kid running around pretending that he was the best taekwondo athlete the world had ever seen.

“I never thought that I would have to do this again, you know. Help you move and stuff” Chan complained.

You just rolled your eyes at him. Though your brother recovered and his arm and leg didn’t bother him anymore, you didn’t let him touch a single box. The last thing you needed was to have him complaining that because of you he was feeling sore and couldn’t practice as he should.

“You’re such a baby, we did all the heavy lifting,” Soonyoung said picking up the last box.

It was surprising to still have him around after you cut off any sort of contact with Jihoon. The two of them made no secret that they had been close throughout their entire lives. You thought that by ending your relationship with Jihoon, if you could even call it that, Soonyoung would become a lost friend. It didn’t happen that way though. 

Soonyoung kept on showing up like he always did, this time he was just more careful not to say anything at all about Jihoon.

Content perhaps was the best way to describe how you were feeling at the time. It certainly wasn’t how you expected to feel after such a short time, especially compared to how you felt just a couple of weeks before. But it was better than not feeling anything at all. Your mom used to say that you should try to find happiness in the little moments, those matter a lot more than the big ones we make a fuss about.

That day, right there, with the four of you looking at the empty apartment was one of the little moments your mother talked about.

“That’s because my sister loves me very much”

“Don’t go counting on that. I just don’t want your coach screaming at me because you’re not recovered yet”

Chan dropped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you against his side, squeezing you a little too much. Yumi and Soonyoung weren't related by blood to you but whenever you looked at the two of them it made you feel that they were your family.

A small family, made of people who chose to be with each other, sounded pretty amazing.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Yumi asked for the billionth time.

It was almost funny to have her talk that way to you. Not that long ago she was the one encouraging you to go on a date. Pushing you, was a better way to put it. And now she was the one who seemed to have reservations about it. Or maybe she was just being cautious because she wasn't the one who introduced you to him, to Seungcheol.

To be honest it wasn't the first time you met him, not really. Attending your request, Soonyoung had taken him to the bakery. You knew that it wasn't the best place to meet someone for the first time but it was all you were willing to do.

That's probably why your friends seemed cautious and confused about your decision because they thought that you were mostly setting yourself up for failure. 

Partially, you could understand it. 

Yumi knew you for years, since the day you entered college with a bunny plushie that dated from when you were just a baby. She saw how you always held yourself back when meeting someone. The stories were no secrets and your future love life wasn't going to be as bright as hers or half of the world's. Instead of making you more outgoing and willing to try new things, it made you more cautious. There was also the whole situation with Jun, your parents' accident happened just a few months after that. Everything just sort of went to shit within a year.

"You seem more nervous than me" you laughed at her.

Yumi huffed and turned her back to you, carefully choosing the shade of blush she wanted to apply to your cheeks. You looked between lovely rose and glow, and finally chose the one on the right side. Why the hell not? you thought. You were the one starting this so it made sense that you were the one to put the most effort into it. Also, you knew that Yumi was going to put on glow on your face whether you wanted it or not.

"I am but then again when wasn't I? I set up all of your past dates but this feels different. I always felt more excited than you. For this though… I never saw it coming after... you know"

Does anyone ever think that they'll meet their soulmate and then simply move on, and date other people? It didn't sound plausible. But you weren't naive, you knew that it happened. You just didn't think that it would happen to you. 

"No one ever does but life happens. Now help me, I want to look pretty”

Yumi smiled at you, not a full one like you were used to but a tiny one.  It was still better than nothing at all.

“You want this”

She sounded surprised and it almost hurt you, but not to the point you got angry.

“He seems nice, doesn’t he? And handsome too, right?”

Just once in your life, you wanted to act young, probably younger than your age saw fitting, and gush about a handsome guy with your friend. And Yumi caught onto that quickly because a second later she was sitting by your side telling you all the dos and don’ts of a date.

“What is it with you? Where do you even find these guys? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you talk to an ugly guy, that was all me”

Seungcheol was, to put it in a few words, not at all what you expected. And that wasn’t a bad thing at all. 

When you first met him, knowing only the simple description Soonyoung had given you, you thought of him as someone quiet and shy. It was true that he liked to have his own time, be by himself thinking about his life and those around him. But that wasn’t all there was to him, of course.

That first date, or at least the first time you considered a date, made you feel seen in a way that you never felt before. Seungcheol gave you his full attention the entire night, never looking bored. He seemed genuinely interested in what you were saying, from the bakery that took most of your time, to Chan, who was competing at the time so you were worried about him getting injured again. 

He walked you home after dinner, his fingers brushing yours from time to time until he finally held your hand. You felt your cheeks get warm as a small smile played on your lips. 

After that first date, the two of you were inseparable. When he got off work he went to the bakery and on the days he couldn’t make it, you found yourself texting him in between one recipe and another. For the first time, you felt clingy towards someone, it was like nothing before.

During the five years you dated Jun, it didn’t happen like that. You loved him with your whole heart, planned your life with him for years ahead of time, but also knew how to be without him. You lived your own life and he did the same, only seeing each other when there was time, especially during college when both of you lived almost completely on your own. Only meeting occasionally once a week, when there was even time to do so. 

With Seungcheol even when there was no time you wanted to meet him, talk to him, hear his voice, or read his words. Whatever little pieces of him you could get at a time.

The relationship moved forward quickly, faster than what you or anyone could have predicted. And yet you were the happiest you had ever been. Complete.

“Do you have to leave for work this early?”

You smiled, turning around while pulling your hair one last time through the hair tie. Seeing Seungcheol in the early mornings was like seeing a little piece of paradise every day. From the nest of hair, the small eyes, the throaty voice. Everything about him was very dreamlike, a fairytale of your own.

"Is not my fault you live so far away from downtown"

You sat down by his side, Seungcheol's hand immediately going to your waist. His fingers slightly pushed your shirt up so they could touch your skin. Your fingers reached for the exposed skin of his chest, tracing his tattoo. One that you had grown too fond of since the first few days, the wrong spelling of the word becoming something both of you laughed at.

"If you wait a little, I can take you. It's still dark outside"

Shaking your head you leaned forward, your lips brushing his for a second before pulling back. Your other hand moved to his hair, pushing it away from his face. 

"I drove here last night, remember? Don't forget though, Chan is coming for the weekend"

"I've met Chan before, you don't have to be nervous"

Seungcheol smile at you, entertained by your sudden nervousness. He hadn't met Chan yet, not really. Yes, he went with you to one of Chan's competitions but your brother wanted to celebrate with his friends and coach so you didn't bother to stay back. As soon as it was over you and Seungcheol left. So all your boyfriend saw was you screaming at anyone who dared to hit your baby brother and Chan fighting someone.

"I know, it's just… everyone is going to be there and we've never really done this"

By this Seungcheol knew that you meant the fact that even though you had been together for almost a year, neither of you had ever made things official, in a way. Your friends knew about your relationship but no one had really seen you two together often. That dinner and Chan were just an excuse to gather all of them and finally make it official.

"Hey, don't worry. We've got this"

Dinner with Chan was just ordering some takeout from different restaurants and eating at the store after hours. It was as simple as that. All of you gathered around a table, eating to your heart's content and talking to one another.

What was truly surprising about the night wasn't your first night with Seungcheol and all of your friends at the same time. Not at all. The most unexpected thing was that Chan showed up with a girl, holding her hand nervously. It was funny to look at them, your brother had never been that nervous around you - or anyone else for that matter. 

Like a good older sister, and partially responsible for Chan, you wanted to know everything about that girl. How they met, when they met, if they went to the same school, if she too did Taekwondo. But you didn't ask any of that, your brother would have killed you if you did. Instead, you just welcomed her, offered her a drink, and answered questions she had about the bakery. 

"You can do that older sister thing, you know? I don't mind" she said from behind you.

You hadn't realized that she followed you inside the kitchen. She was beautiful. Looking at her you would never think that she and Chan would fit together but seeing them side by side made you think that they were meant to be.

Meant to be.

"Are you his soulmate?" she went quiet for a few seconds, her eyes darting all over the kitchen before settling on you again "I'm not judging you, please don't think that. My boyfriend isn't my soulmate and the one before him wasn't either. I don't know why I asked that. I'm sorry"

She smiled at you then, her eyes turning into small crescents on her face. The unsettledness that covered her face just a second before completely vanished.

"In our case, I think it's more of a curse than a blessing" she moved away from the door, helping you with boxes of food and plates "My brother hates him and so does my dad"

Your mind suddenly went back to that day, almost two years before, when Chan and you were in the car with Jihoon. The Taekwondo athlete had been the one to mention his soulmate and had also been the one to brush it off, saying that they didn't get along at all. And then he just showed up with her, no warnings or anything.

"But I'm here now, so it probably means something"

You smiled at her then, passing her a tray while you held the other one. 

"It does. It means everything"

You smiled again, happy that whatever happened between the two of them was seemingly in the past, but still somewhat worried over the idea of her family not liking him. 

She walked out of the kitchen and Chan went in, right after her. He looked behind his shoulder for a second before closing the door and leaning against it, his arm crossed over his chest.

"What?" you looked at him.

Ever since you moved from the old apartment, Chan had gotten way more protective of you. One would think that he was actually the older brother, from the way he talked to you, always asking if you were doing good, if you were dating.

You knew that he somehow found out about Jihoon and the soulmate thing, probably through Yumi. He never asked and you never said anything. 

"I missed seeing you like this," he said quietly and you furrowed your brows at him, still smiling "Happy. You look happy. It's been too long"

You put the tray down and walked to him. You put your hands on his shoulder, forcing him to stand straight.

"Chan, I'm happy" you assured him "And even if my love life was a little all over the place for a few years, I was still happy because I had you"

He mimicked your stance, his hands moving to your shoulder too. The position was awkward, making you laugh and drop your hands by your side.

"I know but I'm not talking about those years and those idiots" he rolled his eyes and pulled you in for a hug "You seem free again, like when you were a teenager. I never told you this, but I always thought you were pretty cool. Even now, that you have this lovey-dovey look on your face, you're still pretty cool"

You pinched his side, causing a laugh to erupt from him, and took a step back, a smile still on your face.

It was so easy to forget sometimes that Chan had grown up over the years and if anything being an athlete helped with that. He was more responsible than most twenty-two-year-olds, he no longer needed your help and you were sure that he only asked for advice to entertain you.

"And for what is worth, I like him" he nodded at the door "I don't think I've ever not seen you smile while talking about him, so you deserve it. Don't ever let go of your happiness, please"

"Then I guess you're stuck with me forever"

It came as no surprise to Jihoon having people in and out of your apartment, the place you once called home, thinking if they should rent it or not. 

Everything happened so fast after the day you told him to get lost, that you wanted to end something that hadn't even truly started. One day you were there and the next you weren't, like you had disappeared into thin air.

He tried asking Soonyoung about you. Jihoon knew that the two of you were still in touch so asking about you to his childhood friend seemed like a good idea. But Soonyoung wasn't willing to say anything though, it didn't matter how much he begged and whatever he could promise. The doctor was true to his word and didn't say anything at all. 

And Jihoon did his best at staying away like he promised you many times but failed every single chance. 

That was why he kept coming around when he knew that it was probably best to stay away from you. When he knew that he should stay away from you. Whenever he was away though, he felt like he was missing a part of himself so he kept coming back. Jihoon made himself believe that it was better to have you close, even if it was in complete silence than to not have you at all.

What he didn’t know was that his actions were as bad for you as they were for him, if not worse. You made a good job of making him believe that you weren’t interested at all in him, that whether he was there or not didn’t make a single difference for you. You were right in front of him and yet he felt as if you were farther apart than when the bond wasn’t made.

When Jihoon told Mina about it, about you, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to expect. Maybe have her throw him out like it was the case with many others, have her scream at him, or have her tell him that it was okay if he walked away. He could never see it coming, the “so what? It doesn’t have to mean anything”.

That night Jihoon watched as she just turned on her side to sleep, only to wake up the next morning pretending that nothing at all ever happened. Never again Mina mentioned you. It seemed so easy for her to pretend that you didn’t exist at all. Her actions always made him wonder just when had she changed so much. If the roles were reversed and she had been the one to find her soulmate, Jihoon would have been more than happy for her.

As kids, the two of them always talked about what it would be like to find their soulmates. Jihoon coming from the way he was raised, with parents that were soul doctors and conversations that only revolved around soulmate bonds, and Mina having the natural curiosity every kid has.

It was so easy to remember her reaction when she first met Chanwoo. 

It happened during her first day of high school, she was a senior just like Jihoon and Soonyoung. When the three of them met during lunch Mina had a pink tint to her cheeks, the tray of food in her hands shook slightly as she walked towards their seat, looking behind her every couple of seconds to ensure someone was still there. From his seat Jihoon saw Chanwoo, a tall guy standing behind Mina, looking at her with the same kind of dreamy eyes she had on.

“Another crush?” Soonyoung teased when she sat down.

During their high school years, it was like Mina had completely forgotten about her soulmate, her interest being entirely focused on the guys at school and her latest crush. One would be surprised how fast she fell in and out of love but all of that could be blamed on raging teenage hormones.

Mina leaned forward, pulling the collar of her shirt to the side showing the now empty skin just below her collarbone, where her mark used to be. Unlike the one Jihoon carried on his wrist, Mina’s mark was just a simple pink glittery strip. She had always been proud of it, saying that she got lucky that hers wasn’t as horrendous as his snowflake or Soonyoung’s smiley face. But her mark was gone.

“If he is the one, what are you even doing here?” Jihoon asked.

He looked over her shoulder to see Chanwoo still standing there, staring at Mina’s back as if he had found his entire reason to live right in that second.

“Can I really do that?”

It was funny how sometimes Mina acted like a kid, who was used to asking permission for everything.

“I mean, we’ve eaten lunch together in the past, what? thirteen years? I don’t mind not having to talk about the latest fashion trend for a day”

One day turned into many and soon enough Mina was someone Jihoon only saw when passing through the hallways or when he was going home. And being honest he didn’t mind it that much. It’s not like he could simply overlook the years of friendship that the three of them shared but he was genuinely happy for Mina. When someone grows up the way they did, with soulmates being the center of their reality, it was only natural that she felt the need to stay with Chanwoo whenever it was possible.

Things only started to get back to normal during college. By then, Mina was far more used to having a soulmate and the idea of being away from him wasn’t as painful as it was at first. The honeymoon phase, as Jihoon and Soonyoung called it, was finally over. The trio then became a quartet and Chanwoo was a nice addition to their small group. Of course that sometimes it was troublesome, especially when Chanwoo and Mina got all touchy with each other. Other than that,  everything felt normal again. 

Or at least it did for a few years.

“You remember we have dinner with your parents tonight, right? It’s your mom’s birthday” Mina asked.

Jihoon looked up from his phone. He had been staring at the thing for 15 minutes without actually seeing the screen. It was open on the news but he wasn’t reading anything at all. She was in front of her dresser, looking at him through the mirror.

“Yeah. My dad wants to meet after work, though. You don’t have to run there after you finish it off at the office”

Mina smiled at him but it didn’t feel as before. When he was young seeing Mina smile made him somewhat feel happy too. Seeing his friends happy made him feel good, knowing that he had helped get that smile. But Mina's smile wasn't like that anymore, it didn't fully reach her eyes and was only there for show.

"Yeah, I'll see you then"

Working at the hospital, with kids, was the only thing that brought Jihoon some sort of solace, that made him feel more like himself. Though at times he hardly knew where the line was, between who he was and what people saw him as. Jihoon felt that in the hospital he was who he wanted to be. 

Growing up, it was clear to Jihoon that he was going to be a doctor. Whenever someone asked what he wanted to be, his answer was a straightforward doctor. Most people thought that he was simply following his parents' footsteps but that wasn't really what he wanted. 

His parents barely had contact with other people. The starting point for their research was people, yes, but to his parents, people were nothing more than data. Whatever they wanted to know could have been found through books and questionnaires, created by them but asked by others. 

Jihoon wanted the human contact a hospital doctor had. Maybe it was the way that grew up on his own, without his parents around all that much, or perhaps it was just something that he was born with. And being a pediatrician happened naturally. When thinking about which specialty he should take, the first thing that came to his mind was pediatrics. At first, Jihoon was stiff around kids, not knowing if he should talk to the kids or their parents, or how much strength he should use. Slowly, but surely, he got there.

"Your dad is in the waiting room," the nurse told him.

He was ready to leave, his clothes had been changed and his hair was wet from the shower he took. Jihoon knew that he was supposed to meet with his dad right after work but he didn't think, not once, that he would come into the hospital. His dad was a doctor, yes, but only at the title. The older man hated hospitals to the point he had to be dragged to one when he was sick.

Whatever reason brought Jihoon's dad to the hospital couldn't be a good one.

"Hi Dad," Jihoon said, awkwardly adjusting the bag on his shoulder. 

His dad wasn't a man of many words. Even when the man was furiously out of his mind, his words remained calm and very few. That's why Jihoon always thought, as a teenager, that he could get away with anything at all. All he would get from his father was a disapproving look and even more silence. As a grown man, Jihoon understood his actions as a way to get his father's attention, though it was futile because it never worked the way he planned. 

"So your mother said no to drinks before dinner but we are in charge of cake pick up, that should give us enough time"

It was so much like his dad, not even saying hi and going straight to the point. For Jihoon, it came as a surprise that his dad wanted to meet and talk. This time the initiative didn't start on his end. For once, his father was the one who started it, a text saying when and where to meet. Curiosity had been eating him alive, his mind bouncing all over the place wondering what was so important and secretive that couldn't be said during dinner in front of his mother and Mina. 

The two of them walked to the parking lot in complete silence. To be honest, it was something Jihoon was used to and a moment he found peace in. The soul doctor was a man of books and theory, Jihoon was sure he read every single book on maternity he could get his hands on before he was born and even some after. Words were never his strong suit but he always managed to show his support by being there when the moment mattered. Yes, it was true that his parents missed the day-to-day life, probably didn't see when his second and third tooth fell, and weren't home to help with school projects. That had been his nanny but his first words, first steps, teaching him how to ride a bike, graduations, any speech Jihoon had given, they were there. His mother was the more vocal one, his dad putting a hand on his shoulder and giving him a light squeeze as if saying you did good son.

And those words, even in silent form, meant more than anything else.

"Your mother ordered a cake from the bakery down the block"

Jihoon swallowed his saliva and nodded. His dad didn't have to give more information or directions to the place, he already knew it by heart. Not once had he been there after you told him to leave you alone. If you can't be with me fully then I don't want you at all. Your words hadn't been those but he understood what you meant. What you said had been carefully chosen. Even under those circumstances, you didn't want to hurt him.

After he left your apartment, Jihoon was numb - to say it nicely. During the following week of that morning, he didn't go anywhere except work. Soonyoung didn't say anything about it. When they had a chance to meet, their conversation had been minimal e nothing like the lively chat both of them often engaged in.

It felt weird to be with Soonyoung in silence. His friend had always been talkative, filling the silence with jokes and stories - at times saying the same thing more than once. Soonyoung was disappointed in him, Jihoon was certain of it.

Jihoon didn't complain and just drove there. When he parked in front of the bakery, he didn't get out of the car. The truth was that he couldn't. 

"I'll wait here"

His dad didn't fight him, he just got out of the car and went inside. As much as Jihoon tried to stop himself, he couldn't. He knew that he shouldn't but you were right there, and he hadn't seen you in two years. All we wanted to do was look at you, for a brief moment. 

And you looked gorgeous. 

Your hair was longer than before, your skin had a light tan on your skin - a sign that you had taken part in the street fair a week before -, and your smile was the brightest Jihoon had ever seen on your face. He watched, in pure amazement, as you talked to his father, laughing loudly at something he said. 

Suddenly you extended a hand to your left and a second later a man took your fingers in his hold. A weird lump formed in Jihoon's throat, his chest tightened and he felt as if he was short of air. The man snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you closer to his side and you looked up at him like he had rang all of the stars in the sky. As if he was the sole reason why you were on this earth. As if he was your soulmate.

Jihoon didn't expect to be taken over by jealousy, much less like that. He felt like he was ready to combust within his own body. He wanted to get out of there and pull you away from that man. 

You had someone and that person wasn't him. He knew that it wasn't his place, he had no right. He was with Mina, he refused to end things with her to be with you so he couldn't expect you to stay on your own. 

He couldn't say that it didn't hurt, because it did. A whole lot. And the guy by your side had the same look on his face. If he didn't know any better, Jihoon would have thought that the man was your soulmate, not him.

You said goodbye to his dad, a smile on your face as you handed him a second box. 

"Wish her a happy birthday for me!" you shouted from inside.

In the same way that Jihoon hadn't seen you, he also hadn't heard your voice. Back then you didn't talk a whole lot to him but he always heard your voice. When you talked with customers, with Soonyoung and Yumi, when you were on the phone with your brother. Your voice was a sound Jihoon didn't know he needed to hear during his entire life.

The passenger door opened and his father went inside, moving a little awkwardly as he tried to get inside without dropping both boxes on the floor.

"She's such a sweet girl, y/n. Why your dumb ass let her go is beyond me" his father sighed.

The older man's words should have made Jihoon surprised, but they didn't. Of course that if his mother knew, his dad would also know about you. He would have been childish and naive for thinking like that. How they found out who you were, was something yet to be discovered but when his parents wanted to know something they dug deep.

"Dad…"

The soul doctor held a hand up to stop his son from talking. His fingers drummed on the side of the boxes he carried. He wasn't a man of many words, he mostly let his wife do all the talking. Both of them agreed that she was better at it than he was. But he felt the need to talk for once. This time around he wanted his son to hear every word he had to say.

"You're holding onto Mina out of friendship, loyalty, guilt, and love to some extent. When you started your relationship, although we didn't show it the proper way, your mother and I were happy for you. Mina is, somewhat, of a nice girl and you've always been good friends" he sighed, thinking of what he should say carefully "Because of our research, you, as well as many others, were led to believe that it is harder, borderline impossible, to find your soulmate after you turn twenty-five but we were wrong. And you and that girl are the living and breathing proof of it. That girl inside the store, smiling at her boyfriend, is the one for you. She is the one who will complete you in a way that you never even knew you needed.

"We don't know how soulmate bonds are created and why they happened in the first place, but they exist. Something, someone, God, whatever it is, put the two of you together. Jihoon, you deserve that happiness. I'm not saying this because you are my son, because I feel the need to protect you. I'm saying this because you are a good person, someone who devotes his life to helping others."

His father sighed again, looking tired probably for the first time in years. Throughout his childhood and adolescence, Jihoon learned that his father was the kind of person to bury himself in his work until it was finally done - something Jihoon had learned to do, as well. Days would go by without his father going home and when he finally did he didn't look half as tired as this.

"I was never Mina's biggest fan, ever since she was a kid. You know that. I never hid it. She knows that if you don't leave her for your soulmate, you'll always stay by her side. Think about it this way, if the roles were reserved do you think that she would stay by your side? Do you believe that if Mina met Chanwoo now, while she is in a relationship with you, she would let him go to be with you?"

"No" Mina simply said, getting out of the car and slamming the door behind her.

For days, Jihoon thought about his father's words. Hours on end were spent, every single moment that he was by Mina's side. He analyzed every little aspect of their lives, from their childhood until now, when both were grown-ups that lived their own lives despite being a couple.

Jihoon had never given it much thought, how weird their relationship was. Even people that were just friends, that stayed by each other's side out of loyalty - much like Jihoon stayed by Mina's - seemed to have more interaction with one another. They hardly saw each other, once every two or three weeks. Texts and phone calls were barely there, and he was always the one to initiate their "meetings". All of it got even more sparse after you were gone from his life.

For a moment, as soon as Jihoon told Mina about you, she made sure that her presence was known. She wanted to come over to his place almost every day, his phone was flooded with her texts and missed calls. It was hard dodging her. It has gotten to the point where Soonyoung would also receive calls at work and the nurses always approached Jihoon saying that his girlfriend had called. She seemed to be desperate, you should call her back, they kept telling him. 

But all of it was just gone the moment Jihoon said that you wanted him out of your life. Thinking back now, truly analyzing it, especially after the conversation he had with his dad - who seemed to know a whole lot more about you than he did - the timing was just perfect. As if Mina was adapting her behavior to your presence in his life.

"Mina, we're talking about this" he tried to reason with her, following her out of the car.

It was stupid, he knew that. Mina was never the kind of person who liked to hear what others said. Her opinion was the only one that mattered. She would, sometimes, hear what Jihoon and Soonyoung had to say but only to entertain them. The final decision was hers and nothing they could do would change that.

"There's nothing to talk about. You want to break up, I said no. That's the end of the conversation"

Was it weird that Jihoon didn't know what Mina did for a living? She probably made a lot of money out of it, considering the place she lived and the kind of car she drove. He couldn't even remember what she graduated in. All he did know was that she was indecisive until the very last second.

He didn't know a lot about her, about who she was as an adult. Sure, he remembered this and that from their teenage years but he was certain that a lot had changed since then. Jihoon didn't have to go very far to see that. The reaction Mina was giving him right that second proved all of that.

"I bet she showed up again. Didn't she? That y/n" she said your name with disdain, as if by saying your name she got nauseous "She showed up again, saying this and that. Trying to get you away from me, I'm sure of it"

Jihoon just shook his head. You had nothing to do with his decision. Breaking up with Mina didn't guarantee anything. You had a boyfriend now. And by the brief moment Jihoon saw you and him together was enough for him to know that the two of you had created a strong bond, maybe even stronger than the one he created with you. 

He wouldn't blame you if you chose to stay with him. Jihoon had hurt you, more than he could have possibly imagined. His dad told him things about you - your parents, Jun your high school and college boyfriend. Knowing all of that made him feel even worse about how he left things. He didn't know how his dad had found out all of those things about you, his best guess was Soonyoung, but he trusted every single word that left his dad's mouth

"You say that but I don't believe you for a second. Do you suddenly want to break up? If nothing happened, there's no reason for this"

"Nothing has to happen. I'm just tired of this. This isn't even a friendship. We're strangers to each other. So what's the point of this? We saw each other more often when Chanwoo was alive"

Jihoon saw the change in Mina's eyes the second he said Chanwoo's name. Ever since he passed away it was prohibited to say his name, to bring up anything at all that was related to him in some way or another. He lost count of how many times Soonyoung got yelled at for it. 

"You don't get to have a happy ending when you took mine from me," she said between her teeth.

Her eyes shone with tears and anger, her cheeks suddenly turning a bright shade of red that started at the base of her neck. 

Ultimately that was where it started and ended.  

Jihoon remembered it clearly as if it was happening right in front of his eyes. Chanwoo and him went out like they did every once in a while. Mina had to work late, for whatever reason that night. They went to a bar and talked for a bit. The intention was to meet Soonyoung but he couldn't make it because his mom had called him.

Neither of them drank that night. Chanwoo said that since he still had to meet Mina, he didn't want to. She isn't the biggest fan of tipsy me and I’m driving. Chanwoo did everything in his power to make Mina happy, even things that he considered unnecessary or even wrong in some way or another. They were from very different backgrounds but those differences just vanished the second the bond was made. 

The second Mina called Chanwoo, they left. Chanwoo insisted on dropping Jihoon off at home. It wasn't far from the bar they were at and he would have to go through his block to get to Mina anyway. Jihoon sat in the passenger seat and put on his seat belt, Chanwoo didn't. While going through an intersection a car came full speed from the right. By the time Chanwoo noticed it was too late to stop the car but he tried to hit the brakes anyway, which was also a mistake. The car hit the passenger side with full force while another one hit them from the back.

Jihoon then woke up at the hospital, his parents and Soonyoung by his side. For days Mina was nowhere to be seen. No matter how many times he asked about Chanwoo, no one told him anything. His mother kept telling him, focus on your recovery, we'll talk about Chanwoo later.

The silence was what he needed to know that the worst had happened.

The first news he got about Chanwoo was delivered by Mina, who went inside his hospital room screaming at the top of her lungs. 

"It should have been you! Why do you get to live when Chanwoo is gone? Why is your life worth more than his?"

Soonyoung was quick to pull her out of the room, but not fast enough that Jihoon wouldn't hear it. His parents looked at each other before his mother took a step forward. Jihoon just shook his head. He understood why they hid it from him but that didn't mean that he had to like or be okay with it. 

A week later Jihoon was discharged and the first thing he did was look for Mina. He wanted to apologize, though he knew that he had nothing to be sorry about. He wasn't the one driving any of the cars involved in the accident and yet, he felt the need to. 

Unlike the last time, Mina seemed to have calmed down. When Jihoon entered the apartment she and Chanwoo were supposed to share, she didn't scream at him. The second she laid eyes on him, she started to cry. The ugly kind of cry, the one that comes from deep inside and takes over one's entire body. 

A year later, Mina started to ask Jihoon to go places with her. Lunch, dinner, the mall, a walk in the park, and then suddenly they were dating. 

"That's not true. We both know that"

Their relationship, as it was - or how it was supposed to be - started that like that. With both of them searching for solace in each other. It happened naturally. Neither of them had a soulmate, for entirely different reasons, but they found each other standing at the same spot.

Jihoon shouldn't have been so naive, though. He knew that Mina wasn't one to change her mind once she was set on something. He thought that what she said, all those years back in his hospital room, had been anger-driven and not close to the truth. 

"Look at you! You're right here, living your life to the fullest, following your dreams, and becoming who you wanted to be all along. And where is he now?" she pushed away her tears, enraged that she cried in front of Jihoon "So yeah, the way I see it the fact that you even exist is your happy ending"

She walked closer to him then, a vicious smile on her lips. Mina's hand reached for Jihoon's face, a sloppy and careless touch. 

"How pathetic you are. Thinking all along that I was ever in love with you. No, honey. I was disgusted every time you touched me, being around you made me sick. I was just making sure that at least one tiny bit of your life was miserable. Y/N doesn't want to have anything to do with you. Did you know that she has a boyfriend? And your parents and best friend are disappointed in you. If you leave me, you'll be completely on your own"

Her words were supposed to hurt him but Jihoon didn't feel anything at all. If anything at all, they freed him.

"Poor companies are worse than loneliness"

You dropped your purse on the couch and went straight to the bathroom. Your hands moved without any sort of thought, just reaching for the soap and throwing it inside the bathtub. The hot water would calm you, there was no mistake in that. It worked before, there was no reason as to why it wouldn't work again.

Just a few minutes to yourself, to allow yourself to think about what happened less than an hour before.

It was all set, you were ready to go home. 

You were locking everything down, turning the lights off, making sure that the gas was off. The usual routine. Seungcheol had gone to the car, taking with him the day’s leftovers. 

For once, you were looking forward to the weekend. You and Seungcheol made plans, a weekend out of the city somewhere only your boyfriend knew about. It was going to be the first time you stayed away from the bakery for more than a few hours at a time. 

Though you were worried, you wouldn't lose a night of sleep over it or call every other hour. Yumi knew what she doing, you hired someone to help her while you were gone and you were sure that Soonyoung would show up when he had a chance. Your store was in good hands. 

A weekend away with Seungcheol sounded too good to be true. You had been together for almost a year and not once you had done something like that. To be honest, you hadn't had two days off since college. Someone who owns a business, as small as it was, and who did all the baking couldn't afford to spend a weekend away. Though most of your customers were students and office workers, there was still a fair amount of people there at the weekend.

Your life, you felt, was finally falling into place. Everything was going forward exactly as you had planned years before. Chan was doing fine - he and his soulmate seemed to be working things out - the bakery was steadily growing and you could see yourself expanding sooner rather than later. You had someone you loved with all of your heart by your side. Your friends were happy, sort of.

When you first met Soonyoung you were certain that Yumi could be his soulmate. They were so much alike, though at first glance one wouldn't think so. Soonyoung seemed serious, unreachable even. His doctor persona came out before anything else. But the second you got to know him he became someone else, loud and cheerful. Always ready to make those around him laugh. Yumi was much like that, though she was a bit more aggressive in the way she showed love.

There was no mistake, at least to you, that they were a perfect fit. But suddenly Soonyoung showed up, holding someone's hand tightly saying "This is Dan Oh, my soulmate". What you didn't know was that he had known her for a while, a long one, before introducing you to her. Seungcheol knew too but claimed that it wasn't his place to say anything. You were a little hurt, of course. You felt that he was your friend, part of your family even, but he kept a big secret from you. 

It didn't matter how hurt you were, or what you felt. For Yumi, it was so much worse, her hurt was far greater than yours. She was sure that if neither she nor Soonyoung met their soulmate, they would get together. She had feelings for him. When he entered the store with Dan Oh you saw your friend wilt. Yumi looked sad, simply putting it. You started to go to her place almost every day, nursing her through her broken heart.

Having the two of them around each other was somewhat weird. Soonyoung, who was completely unaware of Yumi's feelings for him, now seemed to sense that there was something weird going on. Yumi, on the other hand, did her best to pretend that nothing happened, and tried to make Dan Oh feel welcome in your circle of friends. It's not her fault that she is his soulmate, it's mine for thinking that we could be something more.

You didn't try to fight her, just silently stayed by her side and supported her every decision. 

This weekend was supposed to be about you. Forty-eight hours worrying about no one except Seungcheol and yourself. For two days you didn't have to worry about Chan or the bakery. Your life was finally yours to enjoy to the fullest. It seemed too good to be true. And then it became just that.

You were turning the last switch off when the bell about the door rang. Turning around you expected to see Seungcheol. When it was time to close he always rushed you, saying that you didn't need to check the locks three times. This time though, it wasn't Seungcheol. You thought that you would see your boyfriend's tall figure but instead, you saw Jihoon's small one. 

No matter how badly you tried, your body just refused to obey your wishes. You should have pushed him out, screamed at him, tell him to never show his face in front of you again. But then there was a line between what you should have done and what you did. You just stood there, eyes on his face, and waited – for what exactly you were unsure of at the time.

You were seeing him for the first time in over two years and your heart was stuck. When you looked at him right at that moment it felt as if you were transported back to the very first time you spoke to him, in his apartment. You couldn’t consider the elevator meeting to be something more than it was. Back then you didn’t know so you couldn’t pretend.

When you talked to Jihoon in his apartment, though you were certain of his inevitable rejection, you thought of it as some sort of beginning. As he stood in front of you, in complete distress, you couldn’t help but think that him being there was some sort of ending.

“Mina and I broke up” was all he said.

The heart beating inside your rib cage stopped and you suddenly didn’t know how to pull air inside your lungs again. The words he said in that instant were the ones you longed to hear during the eight months you were around Jihoon. But hearing them now seemed odd, and not at all what you wanted

“I need to know that because?”

He took a step forward, and at the same time, you took one back. You shouldn’t get anywhere near Jihoon, the further apart you stayed from him the best.

“This is coming too late, I know.”

“You’re right, it is too late” you pushed the off switch and walked past him, forcing him out of the store “What makes you think that you can do this? I was ready to do everything with you. If you said the right word I was going to be by your side no matter what. But you played me the entire time, acted as if my feelings didn’t matter in the least. You made me, and everyone else, believe that you were the center of the universe and I mistreat my feelings and myself. What right did you have to do that?”

It would be a lie to say that you never thought about what you would say if you were to ever see Jihoon again. But thoughts of him were very few and far between. They never followed a constant path and that was why you usually stopped as soon as it started. Days when you thought of him were usually bad ones, in which your mind took you to dark places that weren’t cozy at all to be in. It was when you thought of yourself as someone who wasn’t worthy.

“That was never my intention, you know that”

He looked at you in such a way that it almost seemed as if he was lost. Before, whenever you saw him, you felt that Jihoon had his whole life figured out already. For the first time in three years, it felt as if you were on the right track, certain of yourself, while Jihoon looked like he didn’t know what to do next.

“It might as well have been because that was what happened, that was how I felt whenever you did that shit. But want to know what I finally figured out? That stupid mark that was on your wrist and my back doesn't mean anything, it doesn’t have to. I am my own person and I am happy, in a way I have never been. And you’re not part of that happiness, I don’t want you to be”

If you were allowed to say so, you weren't sure why you were acting like that, why you were feeling that certain way. It honestly didn’t make a lot of sense, not even to you, the person who was having those sorts of feelings.

You were inside the bathroom for hours, your body immersed underwater. There were so many thoughts going around in your mind that you couldn't focus on just one but there was one thing that was a constant amidst the craziness: Seungcheol.

He didn’t turn the lights on like he normally would, even though it was uncomfortable for him to be in the dark like that. He was never one to enjoy the darkness, not through his teenage rebellious years and certainly not as a grown man. But on that specific day, it felt like the most appropriate thing to do.

When he said yes to meeting you, he knew that he was setting himself up for a broken heart, probably the worst one he’s ever had. You weren’t Seungcheol’s first relationship, a topic that came up during your conversations more often than not, making him cringe at all the things he had said – it mostly made him regret the fact that he told you about them at all.

Going through those relationships, Seungcheol was always careful not to grow too attached to any of them. With all of his past relationships, the girls had their marks, and every single one of them was fascinated by his markless body. At his young age, Seungcheol liked it. He thought that it made him more interesting and in a way it did. But it also made him aware of where he stood and where he would always be stuck at.

From the day he was born to the day he died, Seungcheol would remain as the kid who didn’t have a mark.

He used to say that he was lucky, that he didn’t mind it at all, and that to some extent it made him happy that he was born without it. Those words were said out loud so many times that Seungcheol himself started to believe them. And then he met you. Someone who didn’t care in the least, who didn’t ask and made it seem as if it were the most important subject. And he liked that.

Being with you, even if it meant doing simple things such as going for ice cream or staying inside and watching a movie together, made him completely forget soulmates and marks. Neither of you ever made it seem like it was more than it was. Or maybe both of you made it seem like it was less than it truly was.

The life both of you led together was so simple, so ordinary, that was it so easy to lose himself in it. So easy to forget that you weren’t meant for each other, that whoever set up the souls didn’t think that the two of you were the perfect fit.

Living in a society that revolved around soulmates made it impossible for him to ignore it, impossible to wonder why he was the one who didn’t have a mark. It was like someone asking why they worked so hard and still got paid so little. So Seungcheol went ahead and got marks of his own, told people that the blue and red moon on his forearm was his mark. Suddenly he was like everyone else. But he knew, even if no one else did, that it was all a lie.

You never cared about it. When Seungcheol told you about his tattoo you looked at him as if you could understand him, as he wasn’t at all weird for doing that. Whenever you could, whenever you had the chance, when you didn’t even notice what you were doing, you would run the tip of your fingers over his tattoo. You looked at it like it held the answers to all the questions you could ask.

But in one night, a second at a time, the world both of you carefully built, the life you dreamed to have together, came crashing down. It reminded him that together you built a glasshouse, a sandcastle that could be taken down by a wave at any given moment. 

He didn’t have to ask to know who was that the man that walked inside the bakery at such a late hour. It was so obvious in the way both of you stood still in the dark store, the tension in the air powerful.

Jihoon.    

The wave that could destroy your castle had finally arrived.             

Seungcheol was many things in his life, but dumb wasn’t one of them. He didn’t have to ask, a single guess was enough. And when you didn’t say anything it only made matters worse. You were on edge the entire car ride back to your apartment, and didn’t say a single word – the opposite of your normal chatty self. The bags were tossed aside and you hurried towards the bathroom.

At first, he waited for you. Both of you were grownups and serious about each other so whatever it was, you had to talk about it - like you always did. After an hour he threw away that resolution and left. Seungcheol knew just how much of a hard time you had when you had to give someone bad news, how long it took you to build up the courage to do so.

So he left quietly, made sure to lock the door on his way out as silently as he could. Seungcheol wished he had somewhere else to go besides home, someone he could talk to. He knew that he could call Soonyoung or Yumi, a random person at a bar would do the trick too. Instead, he went home, the solitude of his bedroom was the only place he truly wanted to be.

He couldn’t sleep though, not for a few short minutes or the hours following it. It’s over, all of it. Was the only thing he thought about. No other words or memories came to mind, just those five.

“I’m sorry” Seungcheol opened his eyes but didn’t dare to move. A delusion of his mind, he was certain that it was all it was. If he moved the smallest inch then it would vanish into thin air. You would vanish “I know you’re not sleeping. You can’t when we fight. It’s not like we fought really but let’s say it’s the same thing for now”

A smile betrayed his lip. It always happened when you became witty with your words, and called him out on his shit. Instead of getting angrier, he found it amusing, enough to make him forget about what he was angry about just a second before.

“You had to think and you like to do that on your own, so I left”

You left your position by the door and walked across the room, easily taking a seat by his side on the bed. It was so easy, you figured, to be with him. Whenever you were around him, close to Seungcheol, you felt like you were at home. Everything one was supposed to feel when they meet their soulmate, you felt with him. The sweaty hands, the butterflies, the heartbeat increase, the happiness, the giddiness. The feeling of finally being home. All of it.

“I was on my own in the bathroom. Why did you leave?”

Reaching forward you ran your hand through the strands of his hair, something that you had taken a liking ever since you met him. The first time you did it was only to push his hair away from his face and then it just became a habit. You knew that sometimes, especially when you first started your relationship, Seungcheol was surprised when you reached for him, but all of it would suddenly become the other way around when he pulled your hand close to his head.

“You know why”

“No, I don’t. Please, do enlighten me”

You knew exactly what Seungcheol was talking about, he didn't have to say the words out loud. But this time around, even if it was something you had talked about many times before, those words had to be said. Just once, it couldn't be something that was in the air.

Actions matter more than words but sometimes words are necessary.

"Jihoon is back. That means you're going to leave"

The hand that was in his hair ran down to his face, your other hand came up to his face as well. Your thumbs going back and forth over his cheekbones. You intended to make him look at you, even if it was too dark to do so. It was an attempt to make him listen to you.

"I'm not"

Seungcheol nodded in your hands, his own hands going to your waist like they always did when you were by his side. For him, it was a way to keep the memory of you for as long as he could. 

"You won't be able to stop yourself. That's okay, honestly. It's the sort of life we live"

"Why are you giving up on me so easily? If you think that I was going to stay with you until the day Jihoon showed up saying that he was finally ready, you're wrong. I didn't know you would think so little of me"

He pulled away from you and sat up, leaning to the side slightly to turn the light on. Seungcheol was still wearing the same clothes he had on when he left your house, down to his jeans. His hair was a mess, caused by your hands just as much as his. 

"You know that's not it. It's not like you couldn't make it work with him. There's probably a reason the two of you are soulmates. Who am I to stand between you?"

"The one I chose, that's who you are. You're right, we could have probably made it work. Maybe because it was easy, maybe because we thought that we had to. I wish people would stop telling me what I should do, who I should be with. It has been this way my entire life, since the day I was born, because of that stupid mark. I didn't ask to be born with it and I certainly won't let it rule my life. At least, not anymore"

Maybe in a world where soulmates didn't exist, a time when a deity didn't choose who people should be with, a place where people did truly have their free will, you would be angry at him for not trusting you from the start. As he said, in the world you lived in, you could understand where he was coming from. 

You took his hand and placed it over your chest, right above your heart.

"This isn't yours because of a stupid mark, because someone said so. It's yours because I want it to be, because little by little you overtook it and made it home. I love you. Not because someone told me to, but because I want to. Don't ever doubt my feelings again, not even for a second. If they change I'll be the first one to tell you. I'll be honest like I have been from day one with you"

You could see it I'm his eyes, the desperation to believe you but he had been left behind way too many times so it was hard.

"I don't know if I ever loved Jihoon, truly," you said honestly "Meeting him, knowing that he was my soulmate brought me to this place where I felt as if I should. So I made myself picture him in my life. There wasn't a switch, I didn't meet him and was suddenly in love. It was more of an obligation, in a way. But being with him hurt me so much because all I got from him was rejection. He rejected me from the start and I always felt so little next to him"

Seungcheol squeezed your waist, his eyes searching for yours with care and adoration. So much love. You smiled, reaching for his neck, while your thumb traced his jawline, his plump lips.

"And with you… I never questioned my actions, never felt as if I was any less. I always felt like I could truly be myself with you, from that first day at the bakery. My heart skipped a beat when you said hi, when you shook my hand, and smiled at me. You might not believe me, but you had me from that moment"

You moved your hand, back to his hair. You needed him to believe you, needed that frown to leave his beautiful face. There was no version of the world in which you didn't want Seungcheol, where you'd leave him for anyone else.

"Since meeting you, Jihoon has been nothing more than an afterthought. My reaction today was a reflection of who I was while around him and I hate that, I hate that I made you feel like this” you scooted closer to him “You're not my soulmate and I'm not yours either.  But I am yours. You're the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with, that I want to have a family with. I have this dream where you're sitting in the bakery, a baby in your arms. Our baby. I am never going to leave you. By your side is the life I envisioned for myself, the life I want. And if our souls truly do live many different lives then I will find you in the next one and I will love you again, choose you again"

Seungcheol's lips were on yours barely half a second after you were done talking. His arms went around your waist, pulling you as close as you could be. Your legs on each side of his thighs.  His lips were anxious against yours as if still looking for answers. The warmth of his body was everything you need to feel assured. The way he held onto you, so desperately, was how you felt on the inside.

"Don't give up on me, even if I seem like a lame soap opera character"

You smiled against his neck, your arms circling it as you moved back slightly.

"You're not lame, just a little weird for watching it so fervently"

"A weirdo you like"

You brushed the tip of your finger over his nose and his lips.

"A weirdo I love"

hi! thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed it.