#to be locked up in prison or the 'crazy hospital'

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

[ID: A priest in a confession booth looking shocked]

[odestasocean]

may i present to you, a rant that no one asked for about the bond between annie cresta & mrs. everdeen:

so awhile ago i had sent in an ask to @the-sun-and-the-sea talking about the implied friendship that forms between annie & mrs. everdeen post-war. now that i'm no longer just a lurker on here, i wanted to delve into my thoughts on this friendship because it is one that is sooo interesting to me and one that is hardly brought up in the fandom !!

to start, mrs. everdeen is a character that i wholeheartedly believe does not get the recognition she deserves. i mean, she leaves nearly everything about the only life she had ever known to start a new life with the man she fell in love with and have two children with him only for him to die tragically, leaving her with these two young girls who need her more than anything, but her own mind becomes a prison, keeping her locked away from being the mother that katniss and prim need her to be??? or idk maybe i just have a knack for loving the grieving widowed characters in media for some reason. anyway, i digress. her story, in a way, goes hand in hand with annie's story.

now, as we know, suzanne collins' mind is an incredibly intricate and complex place so i don't think that her specifically choosing district four to be where mrs. everdeen ends up was a coincidence. which just alludes to the fact that she has now become this personified cautionary tale for annie. since she's a doctor and she's familiar with the victors by being an extension of katniss, i'm just going to assume that she was one of finnick's doctors when he was in and out of the hospital. and that she became annie's doctor after she was rescued from the capitol. i'm also just going to go ahead and assume that if this was the case, she would've remained as annie's doctor once she found out she was pregnant. this could very well be implied to have contributed to her moving to d4 and helping to build a hospital there.

annie's story is honestly just as equally familiar and unfamiliar to us as mrs. everdeen's is. we don't know how her and finnick's relationship began or what the details of her games are or what her personality was like before her games or how she grieved after finnick was gone. but with this implication of mrs. everdeen moving to annie's home district, i can only imagine that she offered a great deal of support to her. mrs. everdeen met this woman who had just endured something so insanely traumatic and was there to offer her help and witness her heal with the happiness of her new marriage, only for her to end up on the same exact path as she herself had been on for the past seven (??) years: a widowed mother with a mind who only ever seemed to experience grief.

we don't know anything about what the weeks and months were like for annie after finnick's death. but to me, it is perfectly rational to view this as a period of time where she was so shut down from wanting help from anyone and everyone and felt entirely unsure of how she was going to raise a child in this state of mind. and it wasn't until she started to talk with mrs. everdeen, who had been enduring her own grief of losing her youngest daughter, that she found someone who finally understood. someone who didn't make her feel like she was crazy for being unwilling to do anything but lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. someone who didn't view her as the Mad Girl who was now the Pregnant Mad Girl Whose Husband is Dead, but rather as an incredibly strong individual who had to fight against the enemy of her own head. someone who offered her a shoulder to cry on rather than a judgemental stare. no one could replace prim for mrs. everdeen and no one could replace annie's mother or mags in annie's case. but after all of the hardships that they had both faced up until that point, they had a shared understanding of how they could never truly move on from their grief. but they would continue on and live their lives to the best of their abilities for themselves, their children, and those they had lost.

alas, the similarities do not end there, my friends. katniss constantly talks about how much her father loved being out in nature so the wicked sense of irony of him dying so far away from that nature he loved so much is just heartbreaking. and who else do we know of that died in a place so far underground and so far away from the element of nature that he had been surrounded by his whole life?? bing, bing, bing, you guessed it! finnick odair! there's one line toward the beginning of hunger games that has always stood out to me: "it reminds me of the mines and my father, trapped, unable to reach sunlight, buried forever in darkness." replace mines with sewer and my father with finnick and boom, you've got the exact events of page 312 in mockingjay. and, of course, i can't forget the obvious-- an explosion was involved in both of their deaths. so this again just adds to my point earlier of how it feels a little too eerily similar that these four characters all share some level of commonalities for it to have been a coincidence.

anyway, not really sure what the point of me rambling about all of this was. i guess to see if anyone else has ever put that much thought into it?? or am i just looking way too far into something that's not as connected as i think it is?? idk, let me know your thoughts if you have anything to add because i could talk about this forever and ever and ever !!!

[thr0wnawayy]

Writing Exercise: White Lies and Black Truths

(Stand Alone Oneshot)

Tora Kuro. Better known as the villain, Sombra.

20 accounts of first degree murder, 8 accounts of armed robbery, 7 accounts of extortion and bribery and 2 separate accounts of conspiracy.

'Another Crook without a license, made sense that they'd turn eventually.' Enji thought to himself assuringly.

He was walking down the prison ward of the hospital. Looking for the room containing his latest capture.

He didn't know why she was sent here instead of rotting in prison like the trash she was. All he was told about the judge was that she had a "bad feeling".

Of course it was a woman...

Tora was as crazy as Rei used to be. Only somehow more annoying, given that she actually used her quirk for something that wasn't pathetic. She had to be kept in a specialized chamber to avoid any damages.

As for her quirk, no one knew. That's why he sought her, he wanted to burn her thoroughly but it appears the woman has certain protections.

He opened the door. The room was oddly lit. Sea green lights shone from the walls and it wasn't nearly enough to light up the entire chamber. The floor was tiled like the rest of the ward, sky blue with black etching.

There wasn't much besides that. The room just looked like a more fortified version of a hospital room, complete with a nightstand and heart monitor.

What was most important were the two people in the room. An average looking man in a lab coat and Tora. They seemed to be in the midst of a conversation.

"You're of Japanese-Mexican descent, you are 23 years old and have naturally tanned skin. Is that enough?" The doctor quirks an eyebrow.

She smiles smugly "Venezuelan."

The man grunts in irritation as he seivles in his chair, changing his tune immediately as he notices Endeavor.

"Ahh Endeavor-sama, welcome. Here to question your latest capture."

It wasn't a question.

Tora spoke up from behind. "I'd like to speak to my lawy-"

"Seeing as your the Number Two hero, I can't stop you. But a word of advice be careful, she gets to you." He whispered the last part like a prayer, then left the room.

The door locked from the outside, finally they were alone.

"You know, most Woman wouldn't take so kindly to being left alone with a man such as yourself." Tora commented looking him up and down with an unimpressed gaze.

"What is your quirk?" Enji boomed, earing no time.

"Read the clip board. I ain't your lab rat, puta." The felon hissed.

Enji ripped it from the end of the bed, looking it over.

+++++

Name: Kuro, Tora (AKA: Sombra)

Age: 23, DOB unknown.

Status: Vigilante: Formerly. S Rank Villain: Currently

Quirk: Obscura (unknown properties, seems to use fear to power it. Likely a Emitter-type quirk. Subject to tighter regulations as for all illusionary quirks)

+++++

Enji chuckled dismissively. "Illusions? That's it, no wonder you lost with a quirk like that."

The villainess shrugged. "You're getting tired."

"What?" the Flame "hero" questioned incredulously

"Your bluffing, you have been since you walked into the room. Tú eres poco paseas no me convence, desgraciado.

"Speak proper Japanese, woman." He found himself getting more and more irritated by the second.

She grinned, her eyes narrowing. "Your full of shit."

He grabbed her forearm in his hand, planning to intimidate her.

He readied his quirk to leave a light burn, only to feel it was his hand that was growing hot instead.

Her arm suddenly set ablaze, so much so that even Endeavor has to back away from the heat.

The smell of burning pork fills the room, seeping into the clothes of anyone unfortunate enough to be in the room. Burns littered the soon-to-be prisoner's forearm, completely destroying the sleeve of her jumper.

Why did the smell remind him so much of- "Touya."

"Well, well. Looks like someone's got something on their mind, anything you want ot share with the class Endeavor?" Sombra spoke as placed a hand on her cheek, propping herself up.

...

"That is none of your business." Enji growled.

Sombra tilted her head like a curious puppy. "Oh but I think it is. Just what horrors are you hiding in that manor of yours? One can only dream."

Enji scowled ar her, this was pointless.

"And you'll continue to dream, as you rot in a cell, while I'm at the top" Enji huffed, turning to exit. Only stopped by what Sombra added next.

"Dont talk to me about dreams when your's taste so rotten, Wife beater."

Endeavor aggressively turned to face her, trying to look manic to hide the spiking fear in his eyes.

"My diagnosis is wrong, you know. My quirk isn't limited to only bringing fears to reality. It knows why too." Her gaze held steady as she spoke with certainty.

"Your fear isn't just about Touya. It's the idea that he's still out there, waiting to expose the bodies under your floorboards for what they really are. What you really are."

Tora carried on, her body language becoming more and more pronounced as made her case. That only made Enji more irate.

"SHUT UP!" Enji's flames roared to life, thrashing like an unruly child.

"A fraud."

Enji froze, his rage and flames extinguishing as if he was dumped into freezing water.

Sombra seemed to slump slightly.

"See, the fact that being called a fraud instead of a child abuser or rapist is what stuns you, really shows how twisted you are."

"Don't compare yourself to me" Enji growled half heartedly. Trying desperately to regain his footing.

"Don't compare the blood on my hands, when even your elbows are slick. Sombra glared.

Enji's fist tightend at his side. "That's enough, none of this will matter when I'm at the top."

There was a beat. Suddenly Sombra broke out into laughter, startling Enji more than it should have.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Her voice seemed to overlap with another's. She tilted her head back as she cackled, almost contorting herself backwards.

"Y-your so god-damn pathetic." She wheezed out between giggles, now clutching her stomach.

"Stop it." Enji warned. Somber looked up still mocking him.

"No wonder they've abandoned you." She guffawed, eyes wide with glee!.

Enji charged in fury. Sombra's black hair shifting to white for a brief moment. Her eyes a discordant grey.

"I SAID SHUT U-"

Then he was out cold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up on his backside, crowded by medical staff. Though there was shrill ringing in his head and his vision swimmed, he knew he had to be in Sombra's chamber.

The heart monster screeched as it's cables hung discarded. The bed lay empty. The villain was gone. The tiles felt colder than usual.

They were telling him she escaped, that she seemingly vanished into thin air right before their eyes. But that didn't matter.

Because there, in the corner of his eye he could see Rei. Rope burn taut around her neck, dull yet hateful look in her eyes. Telling him that she knew, she knew what he took from her.

He was Scared.

_______________________________________

[teddy06writes]

Whumptober Day 3 - Diego Hargreeves

Diego Hargreeves x gn!autistic!reader

Prompt: Overstimulation (The autistic kind)

Trigger Warnings: vague descriptions of being overstimulate, mentions of the Franknel footage/doomsday

Summary: Between the prison break, Diego's strange siblings, and everything else going on, it's no wonder that you get so overwhelmed.

{A little borrowed from the diego and lila in the closet scene from season two}

Of all the places you had ever run away to hide to when the world got too loud, and your feelings too intense, you had to admit that Elliotts dark room was one of the best.

This strange world Diego had dragged you into when you went with him after the mental hospital was just too much for you. His young older brother, Elliott and his alien theories, and that strange movie footage...

As if the escape hadn't already been overwhelming enough.

You'd tried to keep it all in. To keep all the things screaming inside you locked up tight.

But that footage of President Kennedy was the last straw.

Elliott's dark room was a welcome safe haven, where you could rock all you pleased, let out all your feelings, and ignore the brothers arguing outside.

The door creaked open and you froze, looking up to find Diego in the doorway.

"What are you doing?"

"I-" You grasped at straws, trying to find the right words, "I just-"

He just stayed there, looking down at you with a strange amount of patience that you could never get used to.

Your hand flapped around near your head, "I get all weird inside- like I'm all empty- floaty? But too much- and I just-"

Without a word, Diego stepped inside the room fully, shutting the door carefully behind him, and dropping down to sit beside you on the floor.

Why was he here? Why did he keep looking at you like that? Unable to help it, you began to rock back and forth again. "Sorry..."

Diego's brow furrows, "You don't need to apologize. What's going on? You can talk to me."

"I just- it's a lot, that whole-....." You shrugged, running your hands over your thighs, "And it was already a lot. And I do this stupid thing when it's all a lot cause I'm just.... I dunno, something's not right with me- with my brain."

You sighed, staring off at the cabinet on the other side of the room.

Diego bumped his shoulder with yours, "Hey. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I think people are stupid."

"You don't understand- it's like my brain is wrong, Diego-" You broke off, suddenly fighting back tears, "I mean that whole- home movie thing- doomsday- What if this is just me getting too wrapped up in my head again? Maybe-"

"Stop," His voice was firm, but gentle, and you couldn't help but turn to look at him, "Do you believe there are things in this universe that we aren't meant to understand?"

You sniffed wetly, "I think there's a lot of things I don't understand."

"Okay, well-"

"Like people. Why do they always say things they don't mean?"

Diego nodded, reaching forward to take your hand gently, "Like people. We don't have to understand shit about it for it to be real, right? Doesn't make us crazy, or mean something's wrong with us."

You tried to blink away the tears, unable to stop a few from escaping.

"That home movie," Diego reached up, brushing the stray tears away gently with his thumb, "It's just that. It's like people. Okay?"

You nodded, suddenly shifting to wrap your arms around him fiercely, "Thank you. I'm sorry."

After a moment of shock, his arms moved to hold you in return, "Don't apologize. Anytime you need me, I'm here. If you wanna go sitting around in dark closets, you go for it, okay? I've got your back."

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Beneath Miles of Stone - Part eleven - John Wick x Plus Size Fem Reader

Summary: John has been in prison for nine months. He’s content to stay if it means appeasing the high table and keeping peace between the owners of each continental. However, he meets someone who erases that willingness. Peace be dammed.

TW; this is just really gross fluff. Like I didn’t even think I was capable of this mushy stuff but this chapter was HONESTLY my favorite that I’ve written so far. Enjoy some soft John Wick ❤️ And thank you for reading.

Work is literal hell. Not just for her, but the patient’s, too.

To replicate the infirmary, the prison has attempted to create a pop up hospital on the main level.

Literal curtains attached to metal poles separate the sick inmates from the main, drafty entrance. Blankets upon blankets is not enough to keep these people warm. The upper and lower levels have been partially closed off, and to get anywhere you have to navigate yellow tape and maintenance and construction workers and use the stairs instead of the busted elevator. That would be okay if everything she needed for her patient’s was right at hand instead of four floors down locked in a dark storage room.

She’s thankful to have her job back, but after a night arguing with managers about the safety of the inmates, and running up and down stairs with supplies including oxygen tanks and water jugs, she’s exhausted, scared for these grown men’s lives, angry, and wondering whether or not she should call whoever owns the place and tell them it needs shut down and the prisoners need relocated.

Even the guards seem scrambled, fried, like they don’t know what to do in the midst of all the damage and chaos.

She’s been looking for Mike all night, and finally she sees him as he’s walking down the hall and picking up pieces of fallen plaster.

She’s so glad that he’s alive she almost hugs him.

“Hey darling,” he smiles, letting the broom and dustpan dangle at his side. He’s pale and sweaty and his overalls look loose, like he’s lost a lot of weight.

“Are you alright?” She asks.

He shakes his head. “Just getting over whatever the hell decided to mess my lungs up. Are you alright? I was asking around, trying to see if you were here that night and if you were okay, but no one could tell me a damn thing.”

“I was here,” she nods, “but I got out fine.”

“I knew there was a reason I was praying for God to send his best guardian angel to you,” Mike tells her, wiping sweat off his forehead. “You’re blessed. A lot of people died that night.” He looks away, down the hall behind her, sadness crinkling his sunken face.

She cringes, looks at the floor, remembering. No angels have ever been in this prison, and no God exists in this fucked up world.

Instead of saying any of that, she thanks him for the prayers and asks if there’s anything she can do to help him feel better.

“Just keep yourself grounded, kid. I was in Vietnam for a long time, and I know what seeing this kind of thing does to a younger person.” He motions at the blood stains on the concrete walls. “It either makes you hard, or makes you crazy.”

They both try sad smiles for the other’s benefit before parting ways.

She looks for Benny all night, too, almost hopeful that John bluffed. But the big man is not here, and no one says anything to indicate whether he’s alive or dead, so she assumes that she signed his death certificate herself.

When she makes it home, aching and yearning for a shower and a soft pillow, John is outside her apartment.

In any other circumstance, he would see her immediately, but right now he’s helping two elderly women that live on her level load something big into their trunk.

She watches the scene unfold, sees the way they thank him and hug him and kiss his cheek like he’s just saved children in an orphanage collapse, and realizes something about John Wick: Mike’s prayers for God to send her an angel were granted. Here he is, catching her eyes and smiling, her deadly guardian angel. She couldn’t see it before while her vision was clouded by spilled blood and instinctual fear, but he’s saved her life twice, subdued everyone he’s met into loving him, threw their trash away at the bar instead of just leaving it on the table for the waitress, and, if given the opportunity, she knows, without a doubt, he’d save a kitten from a tree and carry people out of a burning building and then go back in for more.

The cold, white sunlight illuminates his tawny eyes into a pit that she’s falling into and never climbing back out of and she can’t believe him hoisting something into a helpless senior citizen’s trunk was the final push.

She reaches where he stands leaning against his car, and he kisses her cheekbone in greeting, the fever of his skin instantly warming her freezing flesh. “Let me take you for breakfast?”

This sickly sweet exchange has her all messed up inside. She feels like her heart is a sleeping dragon hoarding her emotions in a pile and someone is tickling its nose with a feather and waking the beast up.

“I’m dirty,” she tells him, as if somehow that’s going to change his plans.

He cocks his head. “I can wait while you take a shower?”

Going to breakfast with a beautiful angel sounds lovely, but she doesn’t want him to smell her sweat and run the other way. “Sorry, I’m just gross right now.”

“I love dirt,” he teases. “Just come. They run out of the blueberry pancakes fast.”

She sighs, “fine, but if you smell me it’s not my fault.”

He eases her worries by pulling her into his nostrils and inhaling the skin of her neck.

She squeals with laughter, pushing to get his stubble off her ticklish skin as he nuzzles and sniffs.

“Hm.” He pulls away, thinking. “Smells wonderful so far. Maybe I should try again-“

“No!” She flails in his grip. “No john. don’t. Stop!”

He’s in the crook of her neck again, terrorizing poor nerves.

She hits on his chest, presses her neck down over his face to buck him off, giggles obscenely for everyone in the street to hear.

Her laughter is infectious, and she is beautiful.

“Apple shampoo?” He guesses, grinning down at her after ceasing cruel ministrations.

“Apple conditioner,” she corrects, glowering.

He leads her, by the waist, to his passenger door.

While he holds the door open for her, she rolls her eyes and curtsies. “Thank you, Mr. Wick.”

He growls, playful, reaching for her as she falls into his cab.

She’s giggling and then screeching, shocked as he chases her in and folds her against the driver’s door.

It’s cold in here, but the heater that he calls a body can’t be fully enjoyed without some chill involved anyway.

And she can’t find the audacity to be cold when he’s tickle attacking her.

Facial hair in the crease of her neck and fingers on her belly and ribs is a deadly combination when he combines it with his huge, agile, speedy hands.

“Oh-o-k-Kay I’m sss-sorr-y!”

He digs into her armpits and she screams, bucking her body so hard that she actually lifts him up a little bit. He’s impressed.

“Please.” “No.” “Fuck.” “Shit.” All broken, yelping words from her feral mouth until he stops without warning.

He kisses her gasping lips, and grins. Zero percent disheveled or tired from fighting her while she pants and squirms. “Such language.”

“What about blueberry pancakes?” She flexes away from his lethal fingers.

“You gonna stop being a heathen?” He asks, hoping the answer is no.

“I’ll try,” she promises, grimacing while she waits for impact.

He slides off of her, and they climb over one another - mostly just John moving both of them to their respectful places since she’s so wobbly - to trade places in the seat.

“Pancakes saved your ass,” he tells her, starting the car.

“Good ol’ pancakes,” she grins, “always there in my time of need.”

The restaraunt is a tiny diner on the corner of 3rd and Cross. It’s retro, metal and faded gold red upholstery, with flowers in glass vases adorning each booth.

She wastes no time in smelling the poinsettias when they take seats across from one another.

“Wow,” she says, “these are beautiful.”

“They’ve always had fresh flowers since I was young,” John explains, leaning close and taking a whiff. “You’ve never been?”

“I just moved here a little bit ago. City of opportunity. I think I’ve been to four restaurants and they’re all pizza places.”

“When did you move?” He asks.

She tells him, then adds: “When did you move from Russia?”

“I can’t exactly remember,” he says, “young, though.”

“What was your favorite place to go?”

“Internationally?” John clarifies.

She nods, toying with the edge of her napkin.

“New York. It’s my home.”

She’s jealous of that word. Such a foreign thing for her to think about, a home. But she’s happy that he has some place he loves.

It’s strange and sad, to meet someone more lost than he’s ever been. Even when he was young, he can’t remember a time when he didn’t have a place to sleep even if it was a cold wooden floor on a burlap sack, and he still has family here.

He grabs her hand, startling her with warm touch on her freezing fingers.

Neither one is used to it, even though they crave the foreign feeling of intimacy.

He rubs her palm with his thick thumb, pressure heavy and soothing.

White snow turns blue, pink, and orange sherbet as clouds curtain back to reveal a painted, fluffed candy sky.

They stare at each other, oblivious to the rainbow of color framing their embrace in front of the big window.

John hasn’t been scared in a long time, but he’s horrified by what his chest is doing while he looks at her face.

Vulnerability hangs in the flower scented air between them, and each one is afraid to cross its’ path.

Like a near extinct species meeting another one of its kind for the first time in a jungle filled with chaos, and, yet, still extraordinarily lonely.

The waitress sets menus on their table, pulling them from uncharted sea back into familiar rocking ocean.

“John,” Cindy greets, leaning down to embrace him.

“Cindy,” he replies, smiling, patting her shoulder and squeezing her back.

The older, plump woman chokes laughter and pulls out from his arm, dusting off imaginary lint from his jacket. She cracks her back and neck and rubs her shoulder. “See you haven’t lost your heavy hands?” She asks playfully. “Gotta be careful with us older people, though. We’re breakable.”

The faintest tint of pink colors his cheeks as he chuckles apologetically. “Sorry.”

“And who’s this?” Cindy asks, grinning down at her.

John introduces them, and Cindy pulls her into a warm hug. “Hi honey.”

Cindy turns her delighted smile on John. “Delo?”

“Udovol'stviye.”

Cindy claps her hands together, laughing in joy. “I’m going to get Bill. Hold on.” She starts to scurry away, but then turns around. “Oh, what do you want to drink?”

“Black coffee,” John says.

“Orange juice?” She says.

Cindy’s gone again.

He’s reminded by the side conversation she didn’t understand that there’s something on his mind he needs to ask her, because as much as he appreciates it, it’s starting to make him paranoid. “You haven’t asked a lot about what I..” he struggles to find the right words. “Do for work.”

“Do you want me to?” Her face is forgiving, non judgmental, although a little timid.

“No.” He hopes he doesn’t upset her with the blunt answer.

“I figured.” She’s a little disappointed, but only because she wants to know if he’s safe while on the job. And also because people that don’t reveal a lot about themselves tend to just disappear without explanation.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

She waves his apology away. “You don’t really know what I do for work either.”

“Hmm.” He leans back, man spreading and dwarfing the booth. His knees knock hers and she laughs nervously, shying away. “Nurses. Hurt people to make them feel better.”

She cringes. “I never thought of it that way.”

“You give people shots, dress wounds-“ he refers to himself “-fix plumbing, cover for maintenance, open packages, argue with stupid doctors, make older ladies adore you, hold people’s hands. This list goes on. Am I close?”

She laughs. “You’re forgetting one huge part.”

He motions for her to tell him about it.

“We wipe a lot of ass.”

His head falls into his hands, and he shakes with heavy laughter. “Jesus,” he says.

“What?” She teases. “Tough guy embarrassed by ass wiping? But not ass whipping? It’s two letters.”

His laugh gets harder, now with added groaning at her embarrassing admission in the nearly empty but still occupied diner. Full of surprises. He peaks at her through his hands. “Just how you say it.”

She shrugs. “Nature of the beast.”

He puts his chin in his hand. “What’s your dream job? Surely not that?”

She tells him, then asks the same question.

“Librarian,” John replies.

She actually does laugh at him this time because she thinks he’s joking. He joins her laughter.

“Yeah?” She asks.

He opens his arms wide as if to embrace the career choice. “Yeah.”

Why is it so strangely hot to imagine him as a strict librarian working late nights at her local book dealer? There’s more to that fantasy, and it involves her getting lost in the maze of massive shelves right before the library closes and then sexy suited librarian finding her and deciding to punish her for her carelessness - but getting horny in a restaurant is not convenient.

And Cindy’s back with Bill, who also gives them both big hugs.

“Jesus John,” he says, “you swallow more iron every day?”

“That’s what I told him!” Cindy cries, elbowing her husband.

“Bill,” John nods.

Cindy sets their drinks down in front of them. “I was just asking about you the other day,” she tells John. “You haven’t been on one of your long trips for a while.”

John sips his scalding coffee and listens to Cindy talk, occasionally nodding and agreeing with the banter between her and Bill.

She drinks her orange juice and listens to the conversation about Cindy almost getting mugged on 23rd.

“And I said, if John was here those punks would have been sorry.” Cindy puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head, then looks at her.

“He’s always been my little - “ Cindy looks back at John “ - big guard dog. Anybody comes in her looking for trouble, he’s got us covered.”

She smirks over at John, who’s trying to act like he’s not blushing again. He narrows his eyebrows at her cheeky expression in a challenging warning at that says ‘comment on these pink cheeks, and you’re fucked.’

Her eyes shy away from his own as she drinks more tangy juice.

“Oh my god, Bill, he’s laying the charm on this poor girl,” Cindy whispers in her husband’s ear.

Bill glares at Cindy. “They can hear you,” he says.

Cindy pats John’s upper arm, quelling his elevated embarrassment.

“You take it easy on her, Johnny,” Cindy says. “She’s a sweet girl.”

She peaks up at John over the rim of her glass and he is adorable enough that it makes her forget some of her own shyness.

“Remember when you chased that drunk guy down the street with a coffee cup?” Bill asks, changing the subject. “Guy was so scared he pissed his pants before you threw it and gave him a concussion.”

Cindy laughs, addressing her again. “He did it because the guy grabbed me up for us being out of pie. I mean, how can I help it if we’re out?”

“You make the pie,” Bill tells Cindy, deadpan.

“That’s besides the point,” Cindy scoffs. “Tall, Lanky, growing John steps right in and grabs this guy’s shirt collar and drags him off me. Guy gets up, tries to grab a coffee mug for nefarious reasons, but John grabs it first, looks at it, looks back at the guy, and just goes right for him.”

Bill and John chuckle.

“And after he’s done knocking this guy out with a coffee cup, he comes back in and asks Cindy if she’s alright and she fell in love with the little demon,” Bill says. “Called him her adopted son.”

“And gave him free pancakes for life,” Cindy added.  “How many do you want, by the way?” She winks at John. “Fresh blueberries.”

They place their orders, and Cindy and Bill leave them to cook and check on other customers.

“They’re so sweet,” she tells John.

John orders a literal stack of pancakes and eats them all like he’s been starving for weeks. He also eats half her big plate of bacon, eggs, and cheesy hashbrowns when she gets full.

She wonders if the wild wolves in Russia taught him how to eat every calorie you can in one sitting and then go days without, because she’s honestly never seen him eat this much or at all. She’s jealous of him, again, for being able to stay lean and bulky even after meals like this. She contemplates asking him to switch metabolisms, watching while he drinks down a cold glass of water and looks at her from the rim of his glass.

“You work tonight?” He asks.

“Twelve hours,” she groans.

“Let me give you a ride in the morning?” He asks. “I’ll pick you up in the alley across the street.”

“Well, that’s not shady,” she jokes.

“Not at all,” he agrees.

Before they leave, he tucks a casual one hundred dollar bill under their neatly stacked dishes and then hugs part of his chosen family goodbye.

“Easy, easy,” Bill laughs, being dramatic while John squeezes him. “Jesus.”

Bill and Cindy pull her in for a hug, too, and Cindy kisses her cheek. “You come back,” the sugar-smelling woman tells her, holding her shoulders. Her heart swells as she tries really hard not to cry in front of them. This whole time in New York and she thought everyone was a soulless robot, but John’s people are just the opposite of that, and she’s grateful to meet them.

She only has time to say thanks before John is escorting her out into the bearable flurry of snowflakes.

When they get into the car, she raises her eyebrows at him and smiles like he’s the most precious thing she’s ever seen. He glances away, avoiding her adoration. “Thought you got free pancakes for life?” She ribs.

He shrugs. “It was a tip.”

She’s extremely reluctant to let Mr. Wonderful himself go about his day as they pull out front of her apartment.

They stare at each other for a minute, before John talks. “Can I pick you up tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she says, the word partially muffled by his mouth while he plucks at her top lip.

He takes his kiss back and she whines involuntarily, eyes still closed and mouth open expectantly.

He opens her door, walks her to the entrance of her complex, and lays a chaste kiss to her forehead. “Go to sleep,” he says. “See you in the morning.”

[nogreatillusion]

I’ll never be able to explain how long those four days lasted. When two nurses walked me out of the hospital and I stood, blinking into the sunlight, searching the parking lot for our car, I had no way to communicate it.

Looking back, I can only say that it was as though I had spent four years on the psych ward, and I don’t mean that as an exaggeration or a metaphor. In a literal sense, the time that passed felt equivalent to four years. The house felt strange, the world felt strange. Sitting on the lawn with Thora felt like a fever dream.

For days after returning home, I left my phone turned off or hidden in my purse. In the hospital, I often reflexively turned to grab it, to look up a phrase from my book, text Ben, take notes. Sometimes I imagined I heard it vibrate, though it was locked away somewhere out of sight with all my other personal possessions.

I have heard that prisoners, overjoyed to be released, often find readjusting to life on the outside so difficult that they crave the stability, the predictable drudgery of the jail. I know it sounds crazy to compare my short hospital stay, but I thought of this often after returning home. In the hospital, all I wanted to do was go home, but everything outside was suddenly so big and so loud and so much. The hospital was horrible and sad, but eventually it was horrible and sad in a way that felt familiar, navigable. The shower didn’t work. There were bugs around my bed. The staff was not always kind. The patients were sometimes violent. But I knew all 17 of their names. I wrote them down when I got home. In my mind, I walked the floor, moving from room to room where our names were scrawled on white boards outside the doors, like a college dorm.

Now, nearly a month later, I have flashbacks in the bathtub. I look up from my book to realize I haven’t taken in a word for pages. Is there a place for people who find the world to be too much? I still want to be here, I just don’t know how.

[squarebracketsmileyface]

Hi hi!!! Long time no ask!! I am always on my bullshit and scoured your blog for Lark content and Tim being a parent content.

So now I must ask, in the the everyone lives au, how did Lark react to Tim being pregnant? Perhaps was that what knocked her out of the stupidity and allowed them to escape? Or did they get out after the canon events of killing Alex and such?

I want to know everything!!!!

~💜

Purple heart person you don't know what you just unleashed. I fucking LOVE talking about/thinking about Tim and Lark/Jay. (I will probably keep flip flopping between what I call them cos it helps me make sense/keep track of their understanding of their gender at each point in the story)

SO

Finding out about the pregnancy.

In the 'canon' storyline of Sorry, It's Locked Tim doesn't find out he's pregnant until about early January of 2014, after Jay dies, when he's pretty far along, maybe five months ish, six at a push? With all the craziness going on around him he just doesn't think about it, and since they've been using condoms and he's on T (which has stopped his periods) he doesn't really have anything to go on to tell him he's pregnant, and the things that are there are easily brushed off as operator stuff.

Like, weird cravings? Operator probably.

Morning sickness? Operator.

Crazy emotional swings? Operator!!!

It can all be brushed off, so it is. There's so much going on already and he doesn't really have the time or energy to even think about the possibility of being pregnant. And again, if he does think about it, he can easily reassure himself that's not what's causing the things he's experiencing, and he doesn't bother bringing it up to Jay because he's "clearly not pregnant, it's just intrusive thoughts and I'm not going to dignify them with wasting my money on a pregnancy test."

So with that out of the way, the 'everyone lives' AU. I don't think they'd find out much sooner because Tim still wouldn't tell Jay about the signs, and the ones that Jay does notice he just brushes off like Tim, because they've been being careful. They'd figure it out at about 5 months, just like in 'canon' S,IL, probably. I am planning to change the date of Alex's death to being only a couple days after Jay's in 'canon' S,IL (so somewhere around December 7-9th of 2013) but in the 'everyone lives' AU he wouldn't die. He and Tim would still have that fight, but with Jay there as well, they'd manage to restrain Alex and call the police or something. Don't ask me how Jay and Tim don't also go to prison for some of the shit they've done in MH I don't know lmao, maybe even with everyone still alive no one who wasn't a part of MH believes it's real, so they just assume Alex lost it during the filming of a 'fictional' show.

Anyway, that fight happens before Tim and Jay know Tim's pregnant, but not long before, and i think after that fight the Operator would piss off just like in MH, go off and haunt Jessica because it's lost easy access to Alex/can't easily make Alex do anything to carry out its will because he's in hospital/prison/a psych unit. With the Operator out of the way, though, I don't think it would take long for Tim and Jay to figure out that Tim's pregnant, that these symptoms aren't caused by the Operator, because they're still here even though the Operator isn't anymore.

So maybe around mid-late December they realise.

And that causes a whole lot of worry, because "Oh my god Tim you're on T, that's not good for foetuses" as well as panic over what could have happened, given that that last fight with Alex was a pretty intense one. So they have a lot of feelings about it. They manage to get themselves sorted out though, calm themselves down from the panic, talk about whether they want to keep the baby or if they were going to have to figure out getting an abortion (would they need to go out of state? Etc etc etc), go to a doctor about prenatal care when they decide that they do want to keep the kid.

It's a lot of craziness for them, basically, lots of "oh god are we really ready to be parents? we've only been together for like half a year and we only just got out of a literal life or death situation a month ago" kinda stuff. They manage to figure it out though.

Birdie (their kid) is born in May of 2014, in the 'canon' S,IL storyline Tim raises her alone until she's about ten, when he finds out that Brian is in fact still alive when he just kinda shows up as a new p.e. teacher at Birdies school. He's paralysed from about the ribs down because of the fall, so he's in a wheelchair (though he is very slowly learning to walk again and can currently stand for short periods of time as long as he has something to steady him/to lean on) and has a service dog. He runs an after school club teaching disabled students to climb, and Birdie adores him (not knowing that he used to be friends with her dad) because she feels pretty similar to him in a lot of ways, because she's also physically disabled.

So one day, at parents evening or just after school when Tim comes to pick her up, i havent decided which yet lol, Tim finally gets to meet this Mr. Thomas Birdie has been talking about so much. He kinda just freezes when he sees him, because "holy shit that's Brian" and has to fight to keep it together, gets through the parents evening or whatever without breaking the fuck down in front of all the other parents, and he and Brian swap numbers and have a proper "first meeting" again where they can both cry it all out and hug and do all the things you do when you find out your best friend/one of your soulmates who you thought was dead is actually still alive.

Then they just slowly get closer again and start dating, and eventually Birdie has two dads (Tim = papa and Brian = bubah once she remembers she doesn't have to call him Mr. Thomas unless she's at school) But yeah! Anyway, sorry, back to the 'everyone lives' AU.

Birdie is born in May of 2014 to Tim and Jay who feel incredibly unprepared but are determined to look after her and make sure she has a good childhood. Tim is terrified of messing her up like his own parents messed him up, and Jay just does not feel ready to be raising a kid, but together they work it out and manage pretty well.

Birdie is about 6 or 7 when Jay's gender exploration comes to a head and 'he' becomes she, 'Jay' becomes Lark, and 'dad' becomes mum. Birdie, shocker, doesn't really care. She's a kid, she's suddenly got a mum who used to be her dad? Amazing! Her mum looks so much happier now and Birdie suddenly has a whole load of girly grown-up clothes she can try on and parade around the house in! Tim is obviously supportive, he's the one who's been helping Lark through this whole gender thing in the first place, and just over all, its a really lovely thing. Lark was happy to keep being 'dad' if the switch was too difficult for Birdie, and for a while she got called both mum and dad, but after a year or so Birdie only ever called her mum.

Getting called mum by Birdie is such a gender euphoria moment for Lark, like, it's so special to her.

It's around this time when Lark and Tim get married (so that'd be in around 2020-2021 ish) and because of covid it'd be a pretty quiet thing, just the three of them and a small part of Lark's family that she's reconnected with and who aren't queerphobic. It'd still be one of the best things that has ever happened to Lark and Tim though. Yet again, a gender euphoria moment (for both of them really) especially for Lark, getting to wear a beautiful wedding dress and all that. And of course Birdie would want to be the ring bearer and the flower girl, because who else could possibly do those two incredibly important jobs? No one. Birdie is the perfect candidate and she will not let anyone else steal her thunder!

ALSO Brian would still secretly be alive in the 'everyone lives' AU, and would probably be found out the same way as in canon, with him becoming a teacher/running an after school club at Birdie's school when Birdie is about 10 (which would be in 2024, this year, lmao) and Tim meeting him at a parents evening/when he's picking Birdie up from the climbing club. However this time, after exchanging numbers with Brian, Tim gets to go home and tell Lark about it. Instead of having to cry silently about it in his room so that he doesn't worry Birdie, he gets to cry about it to Lark. They still try and hide it from Birdie to begin with, so they don't worry her and so that they can come up with a plan for how to talk to Birdie about how they know Brian and stuff like that.

It takes a good few months of meeting up with Brian to talk about everything that's happened, getting properly reacquainted (as well as talking about their feelings for each other, because there's no way I'm getting rid of Brim in the 'everyone lives' AU, it's polyamory or nothing) and all that, before they have a solid plan for how to go about the whole "yeah so Brian is Papa's friend from all the way back in university who we all thought was dead" conversation.

Though given that I'm pretty dead set on Tim (and Lark in the 'everyone lives' AU) doing everything in their power to keep MH a secret from Birdie (they delete the youtube channel and try and scrub everything about MH from the internet. They can't delete the TTA channel because neither of them know how to get into it so that has to stay up, but everything they can get rid of they do after saving it to a hard drive, because it is a massive part of their lives that they don't want to just completely get rid of). Given that I'm dead set on that, it probably wouldn't actually be "this is papa's supposedly dead uni friend" lol, because Birdie is a very curious kid and she would ask so many questions.

She'd ask too many questions if they just told her Tim and Brian lost contact at some point too, lol. She's autistic and only 10, so can't fathom how you could possibly lose contact with your best friend in the world.

Oh yeah Birdie is autistic as well as being physically disabled. Probably EDS, because same and I like giving characters the same issues I have. Maybe even FND too, actually. And tourettes. I'll leave it there or I'll feel too mean /j

Anyway. Yeah :]

the 'everyone lives' AU :D

WAIT ALSO, sorry, more thoughts, Alex.

Because everyone lives. So does Alex. Duh. But that does leave Tim and Jay/Lark with a decision to make: do they tell Birdie about him, and if so, when? I think they would both go and visit Alex as soon as they were allowed too, though they don't go super often at first because they're told that it tends to send Alex into some really bad spirals. After a few years though, they go to visit him pretty regularly. I think that's when they'd start talking to Birdie about him. Very carefully, obviously, because they're still trying to hide MH from her as much as possible (they can't completely hide it because both of them still have nightmares about it, just like in 'canon' S,IL Tim has nightmares about it) but they do talk to her about Alex.

They tell her that he's been in hospital and can't leave because he's been very ill, but that he's been getting a lot better recently, so Tim and Jay have started going to visit him (Birdie would be maybe 5-6 at this time, so they're just at the stage where Jay is starting to realise he's Lark). Anyway, they talk about Alex very carefully and not super often, only when Birdie asks about him or asks what they did that day on days where they went to see him etc, but they do talk about him.

It's only after Brian comes back into their lives that Birdie actually meets Alex. It takes a lot of talking with Alex's doctors and all that, especially when they're worried that seeing Brian alive might send Alex spiralling again, but eventually stuff gets sorted out and Brian and Birdie meet Alex. (I like to think that at this point Alex is like, kinda living in a sort of assisted living situation? But also under police supervision? IDK if that's a real thing, but it is in this universe because I want him to not just, be in a prison/inpatient psych unit for the rest of his life, yknow?)

It's a lot for all of them, that day, Birdie is maybe 11-12 and Alex is completely different to how Brian remembers him. Alex is happy though. He's happy that what's happened didn't seem to ruin Tim, Lark and Brian's lives. They all look happy and healthy and even though things are different (i.e. Brian being in a wheelchair) all of them look really happy.

It's probably around this time that Brian, Tim and Lark all officially become a polycule, too, i think. Around when Birdie is 12-13 ish, y'know. Tim and Lark are still married and all that, but they don't really look at it as a heirarchy thing, it's just a thing, y'know. It doesn't really take long for Tim to call Brian his husband as well as Lark his wife, and it only takes a little longer for Lark to just say she has two husbands, y'know?

Also, do they still live in Alabama in this AU? God knows lol. Maybe they moved away and it's an even bigger miracle that Brian turned up as a teacher in Birdie's school. I don't know, but either way I love it.

[dllamarama]

Episode 15 Queen of Tears BaekHong recap

Hae In is being manipulated by shibalsaekki YES. He made up a different story about her relationship with Hyun Woo by altering her memory into something entirely different. He even separates her from her family and she believes everything that he said. Although she did not totally lose her personality and her judgement, she put her total trust in YES. Now, let's see some plot holes in this ridiculous plot. First of all, how the hell does YES know about her “attempt” to kill herself? That incident happened in Germany when she was devastated after finding out about the divorce paper prepared by Hyun Woo. If we want to make the argument that he just made up that story without any knowledge about it, it still didn’t make sense because YES is creating believable stories to Hae In to make sure that it did not fall far from her previous memories. Hae In had a dream when she was almost being hit by a truck. She remembers a piece of that specific memory because YES had changed the real reason behind that incident. Although it was somehow Hae In’s subconscious that wanted to give up on her life, she was not trying to end her life because he was cheating on her. It was because she was devastated that Hyun Woo prepared for a divorce behind her back while lying to her that he loves her. But since she will slowly regain her memory, I was hoping that it will guide her slowly to Hyun Woo even though her memories had been altered by YES. But it won’t happen!! Why??? Because this drama is already on episode 15 and they are rushing to give closure for each character and side couples.

The hospital staff are much more ridiculous if anything; they sign an NDA and could be sued if they try to say anything to Hae In and the hospital was obviously bribed by YES to keep it a secret. Hah!! Which moron doctors/surgeons would let a random person to be a patient’s guardian without any letter? And to mention here that the patient has high risk of memory loss after the surgery. Their practitioner’s licence could be revoked and sued on top of that. That just peaks idiocy for this type of writing.

I wouldn’t argue about Hae In being oblivious to all her suspicions about YES. I would say she has always been suspicious of him but had no choice but to believe him because YES provides his arguments with concrete evidence and she cannot totally rely on her instinct due to all the evidence. But all the strange things around her should make her realise it on her own, and again I blame it on the writer’s decision to make the amnesia happen in episode 15. She should be able to deduce it herself with how she is uncomfortable with YES, her secretary being replaced, her bedroom drawer with nothing inside it and she mentioned that she checked an article online so what about the article where she said that she was being threatened by YES? So many loopholes and too many things left without conclusion.

Scene: Hae In being mesmerised by Hyun Woo even in his prison’s uniform

The moment she locked eyes with Hyun Woo, I bet her heart was beating like crazy and when he said “Hae In-ah”, she must have felt it deep in her heart but she believed in fact and not her heart. So, she shakes off that feeling and acts cold to him because she believes that Hyun Woo is the cheating bastard that stalked her. But the fact is that she couldn’t even hold eye contact with Hyun Woo. Hyun Woo’s teary “Are you healthy now?” is replied with Hae In’s cold “If not, why would I be here?”. Hae In is stabbing my heart with that cold eyes and tone. Hyun Woo has only been worried for her well-being and health while never trying to ask anything about her memory. He never rushed to try and tell her stories about the past Hae In. He just wanted to make sure that she is healthy above anything; he never wanted her to be in pain even though she hates him now because of YES lies. He believes in their love and it will guide her to him even though it will takes a lot of time. When he said that he always worried a lot about her and he missed her, she was taken aback. Her heart melted at that word but she was later mad because she can’t believe that her heart raced because of this cheating bastard. So she went at him harder and while Hyun Woo was sad and frustrated, he tried to persuade her to believe in him but Hae In is not giving him the chance. So Hyun Woo tries a different method, to question her own logic with the situation and be the sane voice that was hidden in Hae In’s head. She can barely refute his question and we see her resolve is slowly breaking because she couldn’t make sense of the situation. Hyun Woo's heart breaks some more after seeing Hae In’s finger without the ring. He said sorry for breaking his promise to be by her side after the surgery and for making her come and see him in this state. He asks her to take care of her health while being pulled away by the prison guard. Hae In is in confusion with all of the emotion that she feels and need a moment to get her bearings back.

Scene: Hyun Woo is cleared of all charge

Hae In decided to stalk Hyun Woo who is being released from prison because she is worried that her stalker is out of prison. So she basically stalks her stalker worrying that the stalker will do something to her. Good excuse Hong Hae In. It was touching to see Hyun Woo being out of the prison and finally reunited with his family. His hugs with his siblings are so cute but when he hugs his mother, I cried. How could anyone have the heart to hurt this good boy? Hae In is confused as to why Soo Cheol is living with her ex-husband’s family and thinks that they are a weird family. I only noticed when Hyun Woo was hugging his mother that he was already wearing his wedding band, he must have worn it right after he got back his belongings. It's bittersweet in a way that she didn’t have any memory about the ring and the hardship they went through, before she decided to wear the ring and decided to live for Baek Hyun Woo. But, all of her memories of their past are there with Baek Hyun Woo and she only needed to really hear his version of the real Hong Hae In. Na secretary is doing her best to help Hae In without getting fired by giving her clue about her true love. But, Hae In is clueless and still needs more time to process her feelings and organise her thoughts and new information by other people instead of from that lying shibalsaekki.

Scene: Is this karma for Baek Hyun Woo?

Hyun Woo is back in the Queens Group and Hae In just had to be in the right place and bumped into him in front of the elevator. She is confused that her first instinct was to avoid him and then come back (?) to her senses and decided to ask him some questions. But we know that she is just making excuses to see him. She was taken aback when she bumped into him in the corner and looked nervous when she saw him walk towards her. He needs to talk to her and Hae In is not losing the fight and said that she too... has something to say. They meet in the company’s lounge and Hae In immediately sets the tone straight for him and makes it clear that she is uncomfortable to see him. Hyun Woo was left speechless with a hurtful expression, but Hae In is not done yet and keeps provoking him by saying that he is just an opportunist trying to try and seduce her again. Hyun Woo hides his disappointment and tells her that he thought that she will be able to recognise him soon because she was so confident that she will fall for him again because he is her ONLY ideal type. Hae In is not even hearing anything from him and is firm with her decision to not see him again. Hyun Woo is defeated with Hae In’s resolution and lets her go without a fight. He knew her, she would not believe anything that he said because she already sees him as the bad guy and it will take more than a talk to prove her that YES is lying and there is more to the stories that she didn’t know. The comedic relief makes a comeback when her handbag’s handle was stuck on her chair, but she thought that it was Hyun Woo who's holding her handbag. Imagine her embarrassment when she saw that Hyun Woo did not even hold her and it was her handbag’s handle that was stuck.

Scene: Hyun Woo’s entire universe

Hae In receives a scheduled email for an invitation to the aquarium. It is the same aquarium Hyun Woo proposed to her for marriage. Shout out to “before” Hong Hae In for helping your current self. It was a nice parallel with her past memories when she said “Why is this big place empty?”, which was the same thing that Hyun Woo said to her years ago. As she walked through the tunnel inside the aquarium, she saw someone standing in front of the aquarium screen (she couldn’t recognise him from behind TT TT). Hyun Woo turned around and Hae In was confused with his presence there. But, it was “before” Hae In who invited him there and he was also puzzled by the invitation unknowing that it was “before” Hae In who sent it to him. Current Hae In is totally clueless about the invitation and suddenly the lights switch off around them and their wedding day video was shown on the aquarium screen. Hyun Woo had a melancholic expression while watching it. He is with the memory of their wedding day and Hae In without it are both holding their tears back. Hae In is probably perplexed by the sudden rush of emotion seeing the video but she seems oblivious to her own feelings, as if she didn’t realise that her eyes are full of tears. Hyun Woo swallows his frustration and sadness throughout the video and lets out a heavy sigh once the video ends.

The aquarium staff bring out a huge flower bouquet and hands it to Hyun Woo with a card from “before” Hae In, they also reveal that Hong Hae In had reserved the whole place and the flower bouquet. They reveal that this is not the first time she reserved the whole aquarium and had made the same arrangement four years ago. Thanks to that, Hyun Woo finally knows that Hae In has been playing as his universe years ago (FINALLY!). Why is he so innocent and naïve? Baek Hyun Woo……… “I see… It wasn’t the universe. It was you.” Will she ever remember this part of their memories? Will she ever know how much she loved him before? It makes me sad for these reasons when Hyun Woo mentioned that, and she didn’t understand what he meant by those words. Once she read the card that she prepared for him, she was in disbelief that “before” Hae In was making this much effort to remarry someone who had been cheating behind her back. She knew that the old her wouldn’t make that kind of decision and she is right, Hyun Woo said the same that she wouldn’t have done it if he was the kind of bastard that YES painted him to be. He was finally able to say something and have Hae In listen to him. He asks her to start doubting everything that YES said, that YES is not someone who protected her and has actually been the one who isolates her from him and her family. Hae In started to believe in him and she noticed his scar on his right hand and remembers YES lies about saving her from the car crash. She begins to fully doubt YES with evidence, finally!

Hae In meets YES at his house and starts to see him in a different light. She seems to finally notice his weird possessive behaviour and we can see her hold a guard up in front of him. She is reading his emotions carefully to make sure that he won’t notice that something has changed with her. She also confirmed her suspicions when she saw that there were no scars on his right hand which was covered in bandages previously.

Scene: Miraculous notebook with her four leaf clover

I was so angry when I saw in the preview that YES was burning her notebook and then amazed again with her luck. The first snow in Germany put out the fire and saved her notebook. She finally got a hold of her notebook and started reading it. Thank God (if only I knew what would happen right after). I should’ve known it when she called Baek Hyun Woo and asked to meet him that this god forsaken drama is going downhill or should I say underwater? Anyway… she regains her memories one by one while reading her notebook. She was able to remember the moment she wrote it while she was in her ward in the hospital in Germany. The words that Hyun Woo said to her came back one by one and she was feeling sorry for her harsh words and treatment of Hyun Woo while she lost her memory. She describes Hyun Woo's lovable qualities and it makes me cry. Then, I sobbed in my pillow with her last sentence, “He’s the reason I didn’t want to lose my memory. And even if I did, he’s the only reason I wanted to live. Baek Hyun Woo… is the name I don’t want to forget till the end.”

Hae In was driving her own car to meet with Hyun Woo but YES tracker on her car started beeping and I know this episode will end in vain. Hyun Woo and Hae In just had to meet on the opposite side of the road and this brings a deja vu (in Germany when they were about to start being happy, they happened to be on the opposite side of the road as well). Hyun Woo was waiting to cross the road when his vision of Hae In was being blocked by a bus and when the bus passed, Hae In disappeared. While he crossed the road, YES crashed into him with his car… Fuuuuuuuuuuu

Summary:

I thought I had little to say for episode 15 because there are not many scenes for our couple but it turns out I had so much to say about the ridiculous plot. Starting with the amnesia plot in episode 15, but with additional ridiculous plot twists that are only putting more emphasis on YES instead of our couple. Can we focus on one thing and then another? It was soooooooo infuriating to get this much ridiculous plot that in turn just made this supposedly romantic comedy drama into a makjang. I did not sign up for this. I was supposed to see Hae In and Hyun Woo rediscovering their love miraculously without the makjang plot line. Might as well make this drama into 20 episodes and I wouldn’t complain about the plot. I like fast paced drama but I don’t like drama that fails to explain itself and loses its focus towards the end of the series. It was a fun ride until episode 14 and then I realised that YES and MSH are still scheming when we only have 2 episodes left. So of course we will get the last 2 episodes that try to fit in the plot that are worth at least 4 more episodes.

[caintooth]

its crazy because ever since i got locked up i thought about how i didnt hold our relationship down the way i should have....i may have been behind bars but my heart has had bars over it since you caught me cheating on you. damn i only got arrested for 14 crimes when i should have gotten arrested for 15. because breaking your heart is something i deserve life in prison (aka life without you) for. i miss you so much shawty, when my mental health gets better ill come back begging for you on my hands and knees. i promise to only cheat on you 13 times next round...tell ur new man i may be bipolar but what you and me have matching disorders and they will NEVER treat you like i did even when everyone said to confess guilty for every charge. tell ur momma she made the best meatloaf ive ever had and i cant wait to have it when i get out. until next time....

KAITLYN I KNOW THIS WAS YOU. YOU, WHO ARE CURRENTLY IN A PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL WITH NO PHONE. HOW ARE YOU SENDING ME THIS ?????

[briskofneuro]

We hide to Protect those we love.

@BredForSurgery

We hide to protect those we love. 

Derek knew how to pretend, he knew how to let the memories fade away. The day kept replaying in his head. The day he was to die; or so the people closest to him believed. Derek was working for the president; the weeks that led up to that fateful day was inserted in his mind. The constant back and forths; the battle of right and wrong with his wife. We fought day and night about who’s career was more important. It all felt foolish now. Because he had tracked the days since he was locked in this shoe box apartment. Locked confided into these walls. 

When he slept is when the president’s people would use the key to unlock the door, to enter and place the needed water and food for the day. Derek had been custom to the routine; he had started to map out the sounds in his head. He picked up on the cues; he had been laying on the bed the makeshift bed he had grown used to. The one blanket he had; rest over his frame; the lights flickered off. His breathing was steady to assume to anyone he was sound asleep. But he was alert; he wanted to know why. He wanted to know what game he was roped into. He had research; he had started to get closer to his nerves study; the reason why he nearly destroyed his own marriage. The last call kept roped inside his head, the promise to come back to her. Yes it was all guilt; guilt on letting another woman who wasn’t his wife kiss him. But it had only reminded him; there was only one woman he wanted to kiss. The only woman he wanted to fight with; to wake up next to each day. He could do the research anywhere; he could do the study in Seattle with the mediocre equipment; he rather settle than to be away from his wife. He went home to see her; to hold her in his arms. And he promised to be there; to come home. It felt like a faded promise now. 

It had been weeks since his car wreck; since the accident that occurred. His body was worn down; he remembered being at the hospital. He remembered urging the young child to help him, he could barely form his own words. He was dying; he felt the lack of blood that ran out of his body from the impact. He remembered going under for surgery. It all felt vague now, it all felt like a weird dream. Derek had woken up days later; he woke up in this room. The room that now felt like this never ending nightmare. He woke up feeling the pain in his head; the spinning of his head. Unfamiliar territory, the questions swirling in his mind. He was torn with himself. He was torn because he had no idea where he was. 

He had bags of food, a dozen bottled waters. Would probably last a few months; depending on how thirsty he was. The windows were pitch black; darken out. He had no sunlight. He had found a note attached to the end table besides his bed; “ For your safety.” My safety? Brows pushed together in confusion. The male only wanted to hear her voice; to hear her laugh again. He missed his family; his wife. He had a routine by now; he would wake up, he would stare at the ceiling. Lost until he found himself dizzy. He would drink water; he would eat a piece of a muffin that was brought to him. He felt like a prisoner; he felt alone. He was lost in the days; wandering how long he was here for. He had tossed and turned through the night probably driving himself crazy. 

He wanted to sneak out; he wanted to regain control of his life; he wasn’t a puppet he wasn’t the person to put his life on hold for someone else. He wanted to stop fearing what comes next. He was still when he heard the lock; he heard the click indicating a stranger was coming inside, he peeked an eye open, hands curled into fist under the blanket. A young teen maybe entered; that’s when he moved slowly with ease. No reason to alarm anyone. Derek lifted his head from the pillow; his body sat up. “ What’s going on kid?” The eye looked wide eyed; shock when he dropped the bags. 

“ I uh..” The kid was frozen in shock; all I knew was whatever trap I was in; a hellhold it had to do with the president. And my work with him; but I had more pressing matters on my mind. All I wanted was to let Meredith know I was alright. “ Listen I won’t tell, if you tell me, I just need your phone.” Nice; not ideal considering this teenager was a pawn in the bigger game; he helped keep me trapped. The kid was so scared of the outcome he had in fact coughed up the phone. Throwing it in my direction a pleasant smile graced the corners of my lips. “ President, you were in danger, but they said only one more day.” Nerves eating at the kid; I could tell as I had picked up the phone into my palms. Pressing the home screen; the male had dialed her number; our number as if I held it in memory. Raising the phone to my ear; I had waited listening to the dial tone. Meredith must think I left her; that I had lied to her. She probably hated me now; even if this was out of my control because if I was getting the worse end of the stick being in the dark myself; I can only imagine how in the dark my own wife was. 

“ Pick up..” I muttered under my breath; pressing my free hand to my forehead letting the nerves of what ifs settle in.

[nomynameisnothing]

Just remembered what else you left for me that day.

(to be continued)

I wonder what was on the other side.

I see a strange creature drawing.

Oh right and the 3 coconut inspired recipes on the fridge.

I think I just didnt want to believe it was real the next day and my roommate was being so hardcore judgey of me for being paranoid that I convinced myself that I was just overtired and imagining things...

I couldnt figure out what that shit was in the vial... didnt look like weed or mushrooms so i can only assume.

Styxx like hades and persephone

Here's my POV on the last day I saw Stout:

My roommate violently assaulted me for no reason. Trying to search my room for her dishes but I told her I didnt have any and she wouldn't get out of my room. I yelled at her to leave and she cant just come in and go through my stuff and then she punched me, strangled me on the ground, and pulled the shit out of my hair. The whole time I was like wtf...she wouldnt stop attacking me. I've never been in a phsysical altrication before. I had to push her out of my room and lock the door to get away.

I was super shaken and upset so I went outside with Stout to calm down. She then locked all the doors and texted me "not to come around anymore". Ummm i have no shoes on, i've lived here for a year and paid rent for the whole month and all my belongings are inside like huh? Oh sure, no prob I'll just go hang out somewhere else... and never return? Psycho.

So i had to call the police to get back inside because she wouldn't answer. Told them on the phone how she attacked me and locked me out etc.

Then when they showed up they pretry much immediatly without asking questions were like "we're apprehending you under the mental health act and you need to come with us into town us for a psych eval at the hospital".

I was outraged. They said they spoke to my roommate on the phone and she said I attacked her (naturally), and because of my police record of calling the police due to paranoia about my safety (from being hunted all summer) and because my parents had me apprehended earlier that summer because I didnt respond to their texts fast enough (that I never got).... the conclusion was essentially "i'm crazy therefore i am the violent one and i could be a threat to others".

They forced me into the cop car and drove me into town while my roomie chilled at home.

Get to the hospital still without any shoes on because ? and tbh I was in a foul mood, understandably, I think. I had just been assaulted, apprehended by the police that I CALLED to help me get back into my house, framed and treated like a mental patient and forced to abandon my dog outside - they wouldnt even let me round him up and put him inside- they were like "we'll handle it just get in the car"... weird.

Talk to nurse. Too sassy cause pissed. Get fed vicodin. Talk to doctor. Still too sassy and outraged. Get fed more vickdin.

Try to show uninterested cop text messages from the last roommate stating oldtrucklady is a wicked witch and a similar situation w her also was attacked and threatened by her cuz she has rage issues. Cop dont give a f.

Doctor returns and decides he cant determine if its safe to release me so I have to be transported to a neighboring town 3 hours away to be admitted to the psychiatric hospital for evaluation by a psychiatrist.

I was like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS *straight up lost my mind*

Fed more vicodin. Forced to put on prisoner clothes, not medical dressing, prisoner clothes, and locked inside a jail cell in the hospital with a foamy matr on the floor and a jail toilet.

Basically, I just screamed until I fell asleep. Full blown dystopia experience.

Quite a long, long sleep later, I woke up in the mental hospital surrounded by certifiably ill people. I did not belong there. Paced the hallways for 2 days before I was able to see the psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist hears my story and innediately releases me. They give me a bus ticket and say there's a bus stop out front.

6 hours, 3 transgers on the public bus to get back to my town, then I have to get a cab the rest of the way (30 min drive). The bus didnt come for 4 hours.

I was like fuck this wack horror show and spent $400 on an uber home.

When I got home, my room was tore through, and a bunch of my clothes thrown angrily into a disgusting dirty corner of the basement. Stout was gone, staying with a "friend".

We had been evicted and had 3 days to vacate. Id I just lost 3 days when i had planned to move my shit out. So i was like fine he can stay there for now while im moving so i can focus.

She was in and out moving stuff and then one day was just gone. I texted her, fb messaged, called asking where he is and for the contact info. Ghosted.

My parents texted her asking. She replied that he's with a family and happy and well taken care of, they also have a dog and they love to play.

I kept sending messages begging her, I just wanted to see him. I had nowhere to go, so I moved into the shelter, cant bring him here, so i was like, it's fine. If he stays there, i just want to be able to visit him. Nothing.

Went to her work, she quit.

Went to the cops, havent heard back.

I dont know if I'll ever see him again.

He's my very best friend. I love him more than anything in the world. We had never been apart for more than 2 weeks until this. Raised him from 8 weeks.

Going on 3 months MIA now. I wonder if he misses me too.

[balkanradfem]

I've finished reading the book; I've gotten pretty upset so there's some angry rambling in my review! Read only if you don't intend to read the book yourself, spoilers for everything that happens in it.

So, after the abuser got threatened with being shot outside, we get a 4 year time skip, where Leni is about to finish her high school, she has a boy she likes, who lost his mother and struggles with it emotionally. She doesn't see him for a few years, and then he's back, and she's going insane with hormones. But, her father, the abuser, hates the father of this boy so she is not allowed to interact with him. Still she does it and they sleep together. The boy wants to help her get out of the abusive situation and recognizes how crazy it is.

The father, in the meantime, loses his job due to drinking, starts vandalizing the Alaskan village he lives in, starts to propose they 'build a wall and minefield to protect the village from outsiders', and everyone realizes he is a wacko and decides they no longer wanna hang out with him. He then decides to build this wall (and possibly a mine field) around his own property, keeping his wife and daughter locked inside.

At this point I strongly felt that someone should have shot him by now and I'm getting increasingly angry and irritated that he's still breathing. His wife and daughter are terrified of him, he finds out Leni has seen the boy and beats his wife for 'not telling him about it', so Leni proposes to her mother 'hey lets run away already', and mother says yes.

And they do. After another violent attack. They decide to separate, mother goes to the hospital due to injuries from abuse, Leni goes away with her boyfriend; to keep safe they go hiking. She falls and breaks her arm and rib. He tries to help, but ends up having a worse fall that damages his head. With broken arm and rib she tries to take care of him, but all she can do is give him aspirin and water. They're found days later and both transferred to hospital, she is healed, he can't talk or move. She and her mother are reassured that the father is in jail now, due to obvious proof of violence, but when they go back home, he's there, released. Why? Nobody pressed charges.

I am at this point going out of my mind, this is insane, there were so many opportunities and reasons to shoot him dead by now, nobody is doing it, Large Marge is offering all kinds of help but nothing is happening, and for some insane reason, this book makes it so that as soon as they run away from him, there's an accident and everyone is severely injured? Why? For the drama? I know after running away from a violent abuser things are terrifying but it doesn't mean you have to have a giant accident right away; they're being set up, this isn't fair.

Leni is refusing to talk to the father due to her boyfriend ending up beyond recovery in the hospital, and he keeps getting agitated, and we notice Leni is feeling very weak, sick, vomity, nauseous. Large Marge also notices and gives her a pregnancy test – it's positive. They had slept together once! This kid cannot catch a break! She tells her mother, father hears it and immediately attacks pregnant Leni.

Her mother grabs a rifle and shots him dead.

I am just so relieved at this point, like we could have done this 300 pages earlier but we waited for him to attack Leni, and her mother even though willing to expose Leni to a life of terror and violence in her home, didn't want her daughter to get murdered by her husband. I feel like protectiveness should have kicked in earlier than this?? But at least he's dead now so thats something.

And then they're like, what now? Mother says 'call the police, I'm going to prison', and Leni is like, no, lets dispose of the body. And they do. They put him on a snow machine, drive up to the lake in the mountains, weigh his corpse with bear traps and let him fall to the bottom of the lake. Mother then instructs Leni to go and tell Large Marge what happened, to help them with the cleaning. She does tell Large Marge, and Marge is just relieved that he's dead. Upon arriving at the scene, they decide they can't pretend that he just went missing; there's so much blood, broken window, pieces of bone and stuff, police will put her mother into prison for this, despite the evidence of abuse. Instead they have to flee, and have police find the crime scene to conclude that the father killed both of them and fled; they have the same blood type. The story is set in 1970s so police doesn't yet have DNA testing. I am at this point upset they even have to worry about this shit after rightfully putting down a violent monster who attempted to murder both of them.

The book was introducing us to the misogynistic injustice of the law, showing us just how easy it is for a m*n to murder his wife or daughter, and even get out of it punishment-free if he says it was self defense, but for women, prison is almost inevitable if they kill in self defence.

They flee to her mother's parents, who make fake ID's for both, and find them a house to rent. We get a 7 year time skip! Leni now has a small son, is broken up about not being able to see or contact her disabled boyfriend, and then her mother gets lung cancer and dies 6 months later. On her death bed, she gives Leni a letter explaining how she killed her husband, and disposed of the body, on her own, without Leni's help. So that Leni could go back to Alaska, clear her name and live her own life again. Leni is heartbroken, but ultimately misses Alaska so much she goes. First thing she does is go to the police station, and hands out the letter. Police chief immediately realizes the lie, and starts leading her on to confess to helping dispose of the body, saying this will all be behind her if she confesses. And she DOES. I am freaking out, why would you confess to a crime like that just because this m*n is promising that everything will be alright, insane thing to do!! He immediately arrests her and she's shocked and scared, asks for a lawyer. He even says 'only guilty people ask for them' !!!!!!!! kill this m*n.

They immediately start having the procedure where she's instructed to plead 'not guilty' but thankfully by this time Large Marge finds out about all this, bargest into the courtroom, yells at everyone, shames them to death, calls the governer and gets the charges against Leni dropped. Large Marge I love you. You are one hero we all need in life. Leni goes back to her boyfriend, who can now sit in a wheelchair and talk a little bit, she informs him that he has a son, son immediately accepts him, and they live together in Alaska and have more kids.

This was a truly interesting book! I loved how realistic and gruesome it was about details of domestic violence, down to how impossible it can be to escape, even when life is in peril. One thing I found curious, is that all of the Alaskan characters were 100% on the woman's side, nobody sided with the abuser, they all wanted him dead, Large Marge especially; this is not the experience I had in my environment! It's possible Alaska is just different and domestic violence is less tolerated, but where I live, all blame is put on the woman immediately, phrases like 'why doesn't she just leave' or 'she made her bed' are common, and people are generally too scared of the abusive male to ever stand up to him or try to defend the women – they instead take his side and try to be in his good books (disgraceful and pathetic).

I hated the amount of injuries that were caused outside of domestic violence, that made the characters more vulnerable and less able to escape. I was amused by how the idea of happy marriage together was salvaged by making the daughter's boyfriend so intensely disabled he can barely move. He actually did push Leni in violence one time as kids, when he was in distress, and she gained some distance from him after that, she was scared! So it was getting set up to be a domestic violence situation for her too, if nothing changed. But then he becomes so permanently disabled all she can do is take care of him, he's no longer any danger to her, and it's okay for her personal safety. Not sure what the lesson here is? Marry a disabled one who physically cannot overpower you? I don't love that message. Leni originally didn't even want kids, due to her traumatic experience being a child, but when she got pregnant, she kept it out of love for him. So even unwilling, she decided to become a mother, and later had more kids. Don't love that either! Mixed messages about women's agency and decision making.

Large Marge will keep living in my mind and my heart, I think any time I'm having problems I will ask myself what she would do and proceed to capture her spirit with my actions. True hero, beloved, I am happy to have met her in the book.

So I've been looking to read some books about living in nature, written by women, to get an idea of how it goes in practice, and the first book I found was 'The Great Alone' by Hannah Kirstin. It was about a family who decided to move to Alaska and live self-sufficiently, and it was written from the point of view of the daughter, Leni. I did not realize right away that this was a piece of fiction! However I do want to tell you about this book because something very specific happened in it that made me have.. ideas.

Right on the first page, it was spelled out to me clearly that this is a story about domestic violence. The father was drinking, had ptsd from war, sometimes 'blew up', and I was like, oh, I know what that is. Okay, let's see what happens then.

The father decided to move them all to Alaska because a buddy who died in the war left him a cabin there, and he wasn't earning money to pay rent, so Alaska it is. He talked his wife into it, promising that he will 'be better over there', and I'm like yeah sure you will.

I have to say, at the beginning this book was just heavily enabling me. They went over to Alaska and everyone was saying 'you need to prepare for winter immediately', even though it was spring, and they were bewildered. People were coming to help them to build a garden and homesteading infrastructure. And I'm looking at that like hell yeah I'm already 100% introduced to this, I am prepairing my garden from January, as soon as spring hits I am looking for food to can, dry, cure, I'm filling my stash from the moment cherries arrive. I'm certified to live in nature. (I'm not, I'm just entertaining myself with this fiction).

Alaskan winter is long and dangerous, and somehow these folks were already at the end of their food stash by the end of January, which is so early. They were in trouble, had no money, it was cold, Alaskan winter also brings 18 hours of darkness a day, so everyone was bummed and anxious. As you can imagine, the father found himself some alt-right conspiracy theorists to hang out there and drink with, every day they were talking about the government or minorities 'coming for their land' and prepairing to shoot people at the moment's notice, so it's no wonder he became more violent, aggressive and dangerous to his wife and child. He would end up beating his wife, and she would forgive him, and the daughter watching all this felt insane and desperate to save her mother. But there was no help, no police, nobody could even reach them in the deep winter, they had no food, they relied on him to catch something in the forest.

This is where the story got interesting. 

He breaks her nose, and the daughter decides that's enough, takes her mother into the car, and they escape. They crash. Daughter seeks help. They end up in a hospital. Father finds them and cries and promises to never do it again. Mother forgives him, seemingly out of fear that he's going to start killing people if she leaves him. Alaskan folk now know that she is being abused, because of her bruises and broken nose. And something unexpected happens.

One of the first Alaskan characters introduced in the story is Large Marge, a big woman owning a shop where she trades food and other survival goods. She is strong, resourceful, down to earth, incredible, helpful in every possible way. She is our star. Because once the word is out about the abuse, and the domestic violence family is back in the cabin, she comes over. She tells them all to sit the hell down, like she's a parent sorting out her unruly children. She then tells this story:

'I used to be a lawyer. Big city prosecutor. High heels and designer suits. I loved it. And I loved my sister, who married the man of her dreams. Only he turned out to have a few problems. A few quirks. Turned out he drank too much and liked to use my baby sis as a punching bag. I tried everything to get her to leave him, but she refused. Maybe she was scared, maybe she loved him, maybe she was as sick and broken as he was. I know that when I called the police it was worse for her and she begged me not to do it again. I backed off. Biggest mistake of my life. He went after her with a hammer. We had to have a closet-casket funeral. He claimed he'd taken the hammer from her to protect himself. The law isn't kind to battered women. He's still out there. Free. I came up here to get away from all that.“ She looked at the abuser. ''And here you are.''

The tension was insane. Everyone tried to get a word in, but she shut then down, and then she looked at the abuser again. ''We've talked about your situation here, we have a few solutions, but really, our favourite one is where we take you out and kill you.''

And I am reading this like oh my god. That's the freaking solution. It doesn't need to be that complicated. We just need someone who is 100% done with this shit who takes him out and shoots him. Problem solved. You hit your wife? Out and shot. Bye loser. Nobody losing sleep over you anymore.

I would love to tell you that she did take him out and shoot him, of how would I love to tell you that. I prayed it would happen as soon as the option was presented to me. However she told him he is either being taken out and shot, or he is leaving, getting a job and then providing money for his wife and daughter, and not returning until the spring comes again, which, he agreed to, since the alternative was to be taken out and shot. But I was still saying we should shoot him. She then decided to stay with the mother and daughter to keep them safe and fed during the winter. Like the hero she fucking is.

So, I haven't read this entire book yet, this is the middle of it, I have to go back and read the other half in order to know what happened next, but, I love this, I love the author, I love the representation of domestic violence and cycle of abuse, and how it is to be a female child in this situation, I love Large Marge, I love the resolution she provides, we need her, someone please, put her in reality. I want to be her, I want to barge into people's home and make death threats to abusers. To randomly stumble on a book like this is incredible to me. Thank you women for writing books. I love you all.

[the-firebird69]

And the retard is up again saying something stupid so we're going to nail the people involved again and keep nailing them until they leave and for the most part it's planned for them to leave by us too so there's something else going on

-while these people are fighting like little babies and arguing like fighting cats making stupid noises all day long people are going after them and enjoying what they're doing instead of hating it and taking to happen to our son and trying to use them and we are going after them and taking the stuff as part of the system that they forced and they're losing it too now they can't figure out what's happening and they think it's these two they doubled up today they're out there with huge armies devastating these idiots and they're taking tons of stuff in the Western hemisphere we anticipate 15% by tomorrow morning and really it's added to 45%? And the number keeps going down and up and down who really they've only taken around 20% or so a little less than this will be a big chunk and the idiot will still be massively arrogant and he doesn't really get it it's kind of like oh there's a pile of gold over there and all you guys are over here busy dying. And it is on he says cuz he's this guy with a pound of gold his people are shrinking and soon you won't be able to defend it and his kid is helping it happen. This is a side effect too yes.

-a few other things are going on and we will reconvene in the morning they are starting to throw things at each other and while they're driving and in restaurants and we need them to stop so we're going to remove troublemakers that's one thing and we have to bring people in and the max are coming in and the pseudo empire and it is now on I mean there's a competition and it's not easy to get here and I've been trying to explain it and this game with them is going to show part of it and we're competing with each other and we don't want to be locked out by that competition just kids are coming plowing in by the way we also have an issue with black widow Harley-Davidson they are not liking the publicity of course it's trying to read the Lord so who cares and moments he will be nobody but they say they're going to follow a lawsuit against her son I'm saying aliens are taking them over and our census please try and file it so you can go to the mental hospital where you belong. And they want to assume for saying that and other things which are stupid and they said this if we put this in court they're going to put us in the mental hospital. And I didn't put it anywhere it's not supposed to be public and you don't have to look at it if it is and he says this his website's not public it's nobody on it and he's they start getting mad and said what do we sue for I can sue for us having free beer the whole time and we will kind of Sue and put you in prison and will die and they said this we were thinking with them the whole time and having them come here and threatening their housing and they have witnesses and said that it's true and it is true people from the house were there in their house format inside doing it and saw you doing it and it looks and they saw a few of them and said wow this actually blows and so we should probably sue you anyways for your mouth and we are bringing a lawsuit and they said we're crazy and they said all this s*** and then we told them for what and they said oh and yeah they're walking you around screwing around with you stupid s*** it shows what they're doing the whole time here and we are going to tear them apart for it but I'm on other things they're talking about the xenomorph and they said he's been telling us and we ignored him and Jason ignored it and it looks like it's in a film and they did say there's a queen there and things like that really didn't sink in and some of them are going down to try and trap her and make an army of them and outfit them and we don't want them to and it's going on right now then a bunch of people are hearing it and it's going to be a little war over there and it's going to clear out a ton of these morons and they're going to go fight at Disneyland that Walt Disney world that is over the dragon and our son says careful of those fumes from the blood if there's enough of it can awaken the dragon and they said I don't think so and he's up there a couple stories and people have heard that sometimes it works a little over if you do it over and over and see you carefully we don't think so and stuff like that and say that's what the goggles are for gargoyles and they said we don't care about that and stuff like that and good and we'll take care of your problem just like we took care of Dan as a problem his father the other day for their their Mall behavior. And every single time he gets off the bus he says we're going to handle what you did here and gets handled and their assholes with their mouth open but no they're going to get their asses handed to them and that's another thing

Thor Freya

Olympus

[xisadorapurlowx]

Bloodstained Lilium: Chapter 2

The mental hospital that Leo was sent to was a new establishment, far away from the city. It was a sixteenth century manor house that had been converted into a hospital for those who are unfit for prison and became more of a secure mental health hospital specializing in people under the age of twenty-five.

Out in the back garden of this large looming manor house sat Leo, squatted down in what was his regular attire: A brown tweed blazer and matching trousers with black oxfords and mustard yellow turtleneck. Compared to him everyone was severely under dressed. Leo felt slightly self-conscious when he’d first entered, after seeing staff walk around in white coats and other patients in hoodies and jeans, he’d regretted only bringing turtlenecks, blazers, smart trousers along with other essential items.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been at the manor house, all the days seemed to bleed into one as he had adjusted to the new environment.

A few rules had been lifted for Leo and so he could do a lot and get away with it without consequence, such as having a phone.

He scrolled through his phone as a gust of wind picked up, Leo pushed his overgrown hair back behind his ear as he read through the sea of comments on a social media website. The comments were all about him; These people whom he didn’t even know making the most unfair judgments on him, Leo wasn’t frightened by what these people said and or threatened anymore. They would all say similar things:

Leonard should be in jail!!

Leonard was a coward who chooses to hide away and-

I was court-ordered here, he thought and rolled his eyes. These people have no idea what they’re talking about. One of the only reasons why people knew of his existence was because of his mother.

There was a weight on Leo’s shoulders that he found impossible to shift. The weight of Charity’s death, the weight of his father’s reputation of having a mad son, the secret his father had forced him to keep from a very young age and to have the public condemn him for what was an act of self-defense that resulted in murder because of his actions.

Leo shivered slightly and looked to his right at Lucifer who was chuckling to himself. Lucifer’s transformation into a real demon was nearly completed, charcoal black nails had grown out of his fingers, now pointed and sharp like cat claws, along with the horns on his head which were now the same color as his fingernails. His greasy hair had parted way for the black horns that stuck out of his head like a bull.

“Care to remind me why you’re stalking me everywhere?” Leo asked the demon coldly.

Lucifer ran a finger under his eyelid to stop the tears of laughter from falling, “I want to stick around.” Lucifer pushed himself up from where he was squatted next to Leo and hung over him, “Your misery is so entertaining and as long as I’m here, I’m going to remind you every day of what you did to Charity until you go batshit crazy from it.”

Lucifer had changed a lot personality-wise. He was once fun to joke around with and it was good to have a conversation about all he’d seen over the time he had lived. But now he’s bitter and cruel, not hesitating to spit harsh words Leo’s way at any time of the day. One could argue that the weight on Leo’s shoulders was Lucifer.

When Lucifer left him alone, Leo felt somber, a friend turned enemy and someone who he would never win back. Remembering the times before the Crypt happened was sour now and Leo could no longer look back on them with fondness. Everything was discontent and tart.

Other times it would be harsher things, Leo’s nightmares consumed him with ghastly events and images of Hell.

Leo’s eyes widened and as he got up to rush away from Lucifer he collided with another patient.

“Addy!” Leo jerked away from her as he heard Lucifer’s burst of laughter from behind him, “What do you want?!”

The ginger woman rubbed her nose and pushed back her long unruly locks, “Dr Harold said he’d like to talk to you. He’s asked me to escort you.” She said, her thick Scottish accent emphasizing the last few words. She ran her nose along the sleeve of her faded hoodie, “C’mon then.” She said, jerking her head for him to follow her as she scratched her neck.

“I hate going to see him.” He muttered before he started to trudge after Adairia.

“Well, it must be irritating since you get into fights with him every time he opens his mouth,” Adairia said, who skipped next to him. “Did you hear about those two guards?”

“Yeah, all too well.” Leo looked over his shoulder at Lucifer, “They both got killed right?”

“Well, one stabbed another guard to death and then took a shit ton of pills.” Adairia explained, “Scary when you think about it, isn’t it? It’s stupidly ironic that this is a mental hospital and that they end up killing themselves here.”

“How did you know that?” Leo asked her.

“Doctor Harold was talking about it to a nurse.” Adairia explained, “Again, ironic considering he’s a mental health professional.”

“I guess a little bit.” Leo murmured. He checked over his shoulder, “And maybe mildly concerning.” Lucifer probably did this and here he was, following behind them.

It was strange to see Lucifer walk, Leo thought to himself. The fallen Angel would only ever fly around or hover a few inches of the ground before the incident.

“Are you going to talk today?” Adairia asked Leo, “To the doctor I mean. And no, I don’t mean you yelling at him. They can send you to prison for it.”

“No, they won’t. I know they won’t.” Leo answered confidently, “And, I don’t like talking about my problems. They normally all just go away when I tell dad that I have an issue.” He said, stubbornly.

The only thing that was keeping him here was his father really. Leo had heard the nurses discussing the fact that his reports keep on getting ‘lost in the post’ or vanishing and that’s why he hadn’t been kicked out and sent to prison yet.

While Leo hated and feared his father, he would not hesitate to jump behind him for defense had an attack of anything came his way. He was the only one who knew of his father’s sway and had used it to his advantage a couple of times; Getting into bars when he was under aged (Which was a rare event nonetheless), when in secondary school, getting his bullies to ‘move abroad’ when they beat him up for the millionth time (Which was one time and after that everyone left him alone.) If you’ve got power or someone you know has power, why don’t you use it to your advantage? Leo had thought. That being said, it was always a last resort if he was desperate.

And desperate times, call for desperate measures.

“You keep on about your father Leo, but he’s not going to be around forever.” Adairia turned around to face him as they made their way past the dining hall and up a flight of mahogany, red-carpeted stairs, “You have to face your problems on your own. You can’t be reliant on your dad all the time.” Her eyes were filled with concern as she spoke again, “I’m seriously worried about you Leo. It can’t be healthy keeping all that locked up. Your dad gives me some bad vibes. I don’t want to bring your mum up but…”

Leo looked at her and narrowed his eyes, annoyed, as Lucifer spoke.

“If only she knew.” Lucifer moaned, mocking a woeful tone behind Leo, throwing a hand over his forehead and leaning backwards.

Leo turned around and scowled at Lucifer who then grinned at him, sticking his tongue between his teeth and lower lip.

“What are you looking at?” Adairia asked him.

“Nothing important.” Leo said. He was severely aware that he and Charity were the only ones who were able to see Lucifer. Which was great for the latter, who could batter and bully Leo to the point of tears. With no hope of getting rid of Lucifer, Leo had just settled on ignoring him, unless he said something that agitated him to no end. Which was most of the time.

“I’m fine, Addy, really.” Leo said, going back to the previous topic of conversation, “Really, I’m alright.”

Adairia pursed her lips and sighed, “Okay… I apologize in advance.”

Leo frowned, furrowing his eyebrows, “What are you talking about?”

Adairia opened the door and jerked her head to the room in front of her.

Leo looked at her, then looked into the room and stepped inside.

Inside stood, Kyung-Mo, Jai and the head practitioner, Dr Harold. He was a tall man with combed-back hair, wearing a white lab coat and suit underneath.

“What is this?” Leo asked as Adairia shut the door behind them. Confusion stirred in him as he looked around the room.

“An intervention.” Jai said, with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms.

“We thought that maybe, this would help you with going into treatment since you’re struggling a lot.” Kyung-Mo explained.

Kyung-Mo, in Leo’s opinion, was probably one of the best-looking men he’d seen in a long time and his heart would do back flips in his rib cage whenever Kyung-Mo was in the same room as him.

Kyung-Mo was the first person to also talk to Leo when he first arrived and in the first few days, Leo stuck to the man like super glue.

“I don’t understand why you’re all doing this? I’m not a drug addict.” Leo looked around at Adairia.

She rolled her eyes at him, “As I said earlier, I’m worried about you. And so are the others!”

Leo sighed, exasperated at the whole situation they’d put him in, “Look, I’m fine. I don’t need any more help than I’ve already got.”

Hot breath passed Leo’s ear and he jumped at Lucifer’s words, “Well, I’m not doing my job properly then, am I?”

“But you don’t show up to therapy sessions.” Dr Harold said, oblivious to Leo’s reaction, “You avoid them. And you yell at me when I confront you about it.”

“Yeah, but I feel like time away from society has helped me a lot!” Leo lied, putting on a fake smile, “And…”

“We’re going to go around the room and have your friends explain why they’re concerned about you and why they think you should have more treatment.” Dr Harold said, unconvinced by Leo’s fib, “We’ll start with Kyung-Mo.”

Kyung-Mo cleared his throat, “Well, I’d just like to start by saying that I understand why you’re upset Leo. But you got sent here for a reason. And particularly with the circumstances behind why you’re here…” Kyung-Mo bit his lip nervously, looking Leo up and down, watching his reaction carefully before he continued, “I fought the treatment too when I got here so I understand that feeling of not trusting the people here. But they all do have good intentions and we do too.” Kyung-Mo looked at the Doctor, “And we’d all like to see you get better and move on with your life because no one should have to dwell on what they did in a moment of panic.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes and fake gagged onto his fingers as if he was making himself throw up, “Yuck, that was a bit too optimistic. Once a killer, always a killer.” Lucifer grinned at Leo, who shot him a death glare.

Dr Harold gave a stiff nod, deaf to Lucifer, “Well said Kyung-Mo. Jai, you next.”

Jai crossed his arms and spoke, “Y’know, I’m confused by you, really Leo,” Jai began, “I think you’re an okay person, nicer and kinder than most people. But when you come here, a place where these people,” He gestured to Dr Harold, “Are willing to help you and you completely dismiss their attempts to help you. You claim that you’re fine, when really, I think you’re in denial. I find it insulting.”

“Denial!?” Leo repeated angrily, “I’m not in denial!”

“That just proves it!” Jai threw his arms out at Leo, “You don’t think you need help, murdering three people has got to mess someone up mentally.” He rubbed his face in irritation, “I want you to be happy, I’ve already said you’re one of the better people of the world. And a part of me thinks that you think you’re beyond help, which I know is not true.”

“Well, someone thinks he is.” Lucifer chimed in.

Leo looked down at the ground, trying to ignore what the demon had said about him, to a room that very clearly was never going to reach the ears of the others.

Maybe Jai was right, or that Lucifer had finally gotten to him. Perhaps he was beyond help and that’s why he wasn’t giving in. His subconscious knew he didn’t deserve it. Killing his best friend was unforgivable.

“Look I’m grateful that you want to help me even more, but I think Jai’s right. I think that some people are just naturally bad and that that’s who I am. That’s where my whole life has been building up to.” Leo thought about his father, the business his father was in and the dark secret.

He could still smell the gun smoke in the air even now and he hated that he could remember it. His stomach churned uncomfortably.

“And now I’m here and I’m getting sick and tired of people thinking that I can move on in my life.” Leo’s eyes felt hot and angry as tears clouded his vision as a cold silence swept the room.

Lucifer whispered to him, “Finally, it’s about time you realized how bad of a person you are. This is all you are and all you’ll ever be.”

‘This is all you are and all you’ll ever be’, The words rang through Leo like a gong from a church bell.

“You’re pathetic.” Jai snapped.

Leo’s head shot up and looked at Jai, “Excuse me?”

“Look at you, so fucking privileged.” Jai was glowering at Leo like Leo had just pulled a million pounds from his pocket and waved it in front of Jai and the others mockingly, “I can’t believe you. I held back because I knew that this wasn’t the way to go but now, I see it’s not that you’re guilty.” Jai gritted his teeth as he spoke, “You’re just lazy.”

There was silence again before Jai continued, “You can’t be bothered to fix your mental health. You’ve lost all faith in yourself to try and get better. What’s the point of trying to cover up your problems and hiding them away if they’re just going to get worse and nothing will change in the end? You might as well just go to prison.”

Jai walked past Leo, crashing into his shoulder and heading for the door and past Adairia.

He opened the door and slammed it shut behind him.

Silence swept the room.

Leo looked around at the Doctor, Kyung-Mo and then at Adairia.

“I don’t know if we handled that in the best way.” Adairia said in a disappointed tone.

[demongemz]

Will hated the man before him he knew he couldn’t talk his way out of his, he’d been home planning for the fishing trip between him and Cecilia, and he’d known he’d never return to Finn’s side given the price was far too high for him to pay to save them as he wanted but he could take the rage and hatred that ws facing everyone else if he could but this was crazy. He looked at the other with a fire that spoke of pure murder in his eyes. “The only monster here is you, you think you always get what you want but I’d never be yours whatever fuck up, feeling of love I may have held for you, you buried with her…You think by taking things from me you’ll force me back to your side?” He chuckled darkly moving his hand around the other’s throat squeezing “How pathetic you are, I will never be yours, I would rather slit my own throat the ever feel your touch on my skin, you could murder the entire world and I’ll never give you a second glance”

He felt his rage build with each new word the other uttered knowing the cops were coming to grab him the moment they could get close enough to both of them. “You think I won't make you pay for the blood you’ve spilled? The lives you ruined? You can throw me into prison thinking that one day I’ll break and beg for your forgiveness but that won't happen. Instead, I’ll haunt your every thought. She isn’t enough to keep you happy with how desperate you were in that hospital room for my touch and kiss. Everything you take and everyone you harm you’ll pay for it tenfold, that is my curse upon you, Finn Alexander Pederson. I will make you suffer even if I have to cut your head from your body and put you into a fucking grinder”

Will felt the cops grab his arms hauling him off Finn in that moment fuming as he spoke “You love picking on little kids, don’t you? What kind of man takes enjoyment from hurting children? A monster you should be grateful that I’ll be locked up or I’ll finish what Parker started, by taking you apart piece by piece.” @fcrafcrtnight

THE PUNCH DID NOT SURPRISE HIM. IN FACT, HE ONLY REMAINED WHERE HE WAS, SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR. didn't he realise that he was just proving his point? finn wasn't scared of the pain. if anything, if it happened for a good cause such as this one? he was FINE with it. it was what he wanted, was it not? yes. he held his hands up, as if to say.. go right ahead. "go on, then. kill me, if you dare. no one's stopping you, are they? show these fine people just what kind of monster you are. show them that i've always been right. YOU'RE NOT LIKE THEM. NO, YOU'RE A MENTALLY UNSTABLE CONTROL FREAK. NO ONE WILL EVER GET YOU. EXCEPT FOR ME." he moved forward, close enough to whisper something to the other. to anyone else watching? he was keeping a cool and sad enough expression that it looked as if he was simply calming the other down. as if he was simply attempting to get him to back down.

the rest? it was said so no one else heard. "i killed your daughter. slit her throat to the bone. and the other one? OH, THAT.. THAT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. when i threw her in that coffin and stood there, hearing her beg for my help. daddy, please, i promise i'll do better," mocking tone? oh, yes. not that it would show. "beg for her life, until she realised it was foolish. where were you? where were you when she was dying as she did? where were you when all of your friends suffered similar fates at my hands? COWARD. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE. OR PERHAPS.. DEEP DOWN? YOU KNOW THEY DESERVE IT. YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT. SO GO ON. SHOW THE WORLD WHAT I ALREADY KNOW. SHOW THEM WHO YOU REALLY ARE. PERHAPS THEN YOU'LL REALISE I'M ALL YOU'VE GOT."

he let himself fall down, not even bothering to fight back. why would he? everyone was watching and they'd see what he knew they would see. will graham had gone mad, officially. attacking someone who had only been trying to help. the good doctor. "you poor fool. you think i care about whoever that is? you did precisely what i wanted you to do. looks like your new home is a jail cell, darling. for good.. or until i say so, hm? from now on? your life is mine to control. you'll remain there, as i get rid of your little friends and sweet abigail one by one. don't you see? you gave me what i needed to win, so.. THANK YOU?" it was his turn to laugh quite madly. @demongemz

[allegra-writes]

"The Great Escape"

Part two

"Hopeless Romantic" Part IV

Prev | Next

Dark!Billy Russo x Reader

NSFW

Warnings: Canon typical violence, toxic relationship. This is a darkfic series, Billy and Reader are both pretty fucked up people.

This has been sitting in my drafts for AGES, but life got in the way, and then the December rush at work, which is pretty much hell, started and well... I apologize if this is a little raw, the truth is I don't have the time to rewrite it like I wanted to, but I fear if I don't post it now, I'll never will. There's still an epilogue left where things will get tied more nicely, but for now, I apologize, and leave you with this.

"It's crazy when

The thing you love the most is the detriment

Let that sink in

You can think again

When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon and

You're nothin' but skin"

Graveyard - Halsey

MY MASTERLIST | BUY ME A COFFEE

"Don't do anything stupid, Billy, let her go…"

Frank's voice was low and even, the same tone one would use to try to calm down a rabid dog, a far cry from the guns blazing, take-no-prisoners way he had first barreled into the warehouse. His eyes flitted to yours, fear and concern written all over them, silently cataloguing every mark, every visible bruise, from the hickies on your neck to the scratches on your thighs, barely covered by your dress and Billy's jacket, going over your wrists, red and chaffed from the zip tie. You held his gaze, trying to convey that you were ok, but could feel your own eyes fill with tears as you realized you couldn't reassure him, couldn't tell him they didn't mean what he thought… Because Billy had, in fact, done exactly what Frank was fearing all along.

Despite your resolve, despite everything you had told yourself, you started to crumble, the sight of your friend there to rescue you chipping at your fragile veneer of control. Everything in you screamed to go to Frank, to get to safety, and you could, if you used the gun tucked inside your coat -Billy's coat- and pointed it at Billy. You knew he would not shoot you.

But you also knew that doing so would mean leaving Billy exposed and unprotected to face Frank's wrath. Your friend was practically vibrating with barely contained fury, if he got his hands on Billy there was no way he was getting out of that warehouse alive.

And, heavens help you, despite everything he had done, you didn't want Billy to die.

So you tried to hold on, to tug at the frayed edges of determination Billy's half formed plan had given you and pulled yourself together.

It almost worked.

"I could tell you the same thing, Frankie. Let us through" Your kidnapper demanded, his grip on you tightening, "She doesn't have to get hurt. Just put down your weapon, and let us through"

Frank tsked,

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Bill. You gonna have to let her go"

"Or what?" Billy taunted him, "Hmm? What are you gonna do? Shot me through her? Cause you might be the fucking Punisher, but between you and me, you know who the best marksman is"

You watched the muscles in Frank's jaw lock, undoubtedly remembering Billy's rank of expert, while he himself had only been awarded with a sharpshooter badge. Once upon a time, it had been a subject for teasing and laughter between the two friends over beers at a barbecue, now it could be the deciding factor, the match point deciding which one of them lived and which one died.

Frank was clinging to his last scraps of his self-control too, you could see it, a rabid dog about to break from his leash. You needed to pull him back.

"Frank… please" You begged, allowing all your fear, all your anguish to bleed into your voice, letting your friend believe it was fear for your own life "He promised. He promised to let me go once he's out of the city"

He barked a bitter, disbelieving laugh.

"And you think he will keep his word? Y/N, you don't know… you haven't seen his diary from the Hospital. What he really wants, more than my head, more than anything else in the world, is to keep you"

Billy went rigid at your back, you might not know what Frank was talking about, but he definitely did.

"Well, then, Raven" You felt Billy shrug, feigning nonchalance, "I guess you just called my bluff…"

Frank didn't reply.

"I guess you also know now, that if you want to take her" Billy emphasized his words with a quick peck to your temple, "away from me, you will have to pry her from my dead, cold hands"

A nasty smirk curled your friends lips.

"I'll be happy to"

"Oh, I know you would be" Your lovers chuckled, darkly "The real question here is, are you willing to risk her getting caught in the crossfire?"

For the first time that evening, you saw doubt flash through Frank's eyes. You sobbed, releasing all your warring emotions at once, tears freely falling down your face now. You were laying it a little thick, but you had to convince him. You had to, for both of them.

"Please… Frankie, please… don't do this"

He gulped, visibly conflicted, looking from you to Billy, brain working hard to find a way to get to the man who had betrayed him twice now without putting you in harm's way, until finally, his stance seemed to relax, as he slowly, very slowly lowered his gun.

And you could have almost believed him, almost believed he was surrendering for your sake… If you hadn't caught his eyes' flickering to your left.

Billy was too busy staring Frank down, but out of the corner of your eye you caught a flash of movement. You shifted in Billy's arms, turning just enough to see her, a tall woman in tactical gear, blending almost seamlessly to the shadows, steely eyes -and gun- fixed on Billy.

You had always thought slow motion and sudden epiphanies we're a bad cliché that only existed on the screen. Two tours to Afghanistan exposed to limit situations almost daily had taught you there was no such thing as an empyrean moment of peace and clarity in the face of imminent death. Later, you would rationalize it as your perception playing tricks on you, as your reacting so fast, the world around you seemed to freeze in comparison. Curtis would rationalize it as violent emotion, or even Stockholm syndrome, keeping a close enough eye on you that you would start to feel suffocated instead of protected. Jess, iron-willed Jess, would simply tell you you did what you had to do to break free.

None of those explanations would ever ring completely true to you.

But as you saw the safety of the woman's weapon unlock, your hand flew with preternatural speed to your own, and you fired twice, before the searing, burning pain exploded, and the world turned black.

…

Consciousness came back to you in waves, brief moments of sensation and sound before the darkness pulled you back under. You didn't fight it, didn't try to shake it off you, your body was too damaged to even allow your mind to do so much as stir. It was blissful, the silence inside of you, the peaceful rest, so much so you almost rebelled against the spark of awareness, of self, as you started to wake up.

But there was something out there, just beyond your reach, a presence, a voice, female and comforting and familiar, softly coaxing you into coming back, into opening your eyes, into that's it… just a little bit more, you're almost there… come on, hun, we're all waiting for you here…

The bed was the first thing you recognized, too firm, coarse sheets too stiff where you laid on them, they felt unpleasant, almost irritating against your skin, but your body was too heavy to try and do anything about it. You weren't even sure you could make your arms function enough to throw the covers off you.

The second thing was the identity of the person at your bedside. In hindsight, it took you embarrassingly long to realize what was going on. After all, it wasn't the first time you came to feeling as if a double decker bus had run you over in a sterile hospital room, with your favorite co-worker gently inducing you to sip some water through a soft straw.

"Claire?" An affirmative hum answered you. "Wha-" Your mouth felt like sandpaper, Claire made you drink a bit more before letting you try again.

"What happened?"

"You shot a homeland agent," Was that a hint of amusement under the exasperation in your friend's voice? "And then, you shot yourself"

You remembered then, eyes flying open to the harsh fluorescent lights. The woman, Billy, Frank, the impossible situation you had been in.

"Oh…"

Claire raised an eyebrow,

"Oh? That's all you have for me?"

"How's the agent? Why am I not, you know" You tried to shrug, but the immediate pang of pain in your abdomen told you it wasn't a good idea, "handcuffed to the bed right now?"

"Dinah Madani, that's the agent you shot, is ok now. She needed surgery too, you destroyed her kneecap" She explained, and if you hadn't known her any better, you would even think she was impressed, "Luckily, she didn't press charges. She said she wasn't going to let another innocent woman pay for Billy's crimes"

Was that what you were doing? Paying the price for Billy's misdeeds? He had drugged you, kidnapped you, abused you, yet you had preferred to shoot yourself before letting Frank…

Claire took your hand, squeezing gently to bring you back from whatever downward spiral your thoughts had taken you. She had always read you so well, you wondered, not for the first time, if she didn't have some kind of gift too.

"Why did you do it?" She didn't have to say it, with her big eyes glistening with tears, you knew exactly what she was talking about, "You scared the crap out of us. Luke is at the cafeteria, the only way we could convince Jess to leave was to tell her we would need her to take a shift later so we could keep you under vigilance around the clock. I sent Matt home, but I'm sure his alter ego is out there on a roof somewhere, watching the building…

What I'm trying to say, sweetie, is that you have us. Whatever happened, you have us, we-" She tried to swallow the catch in her voice, clearing her throat before trying again, "We'll help you get through this"

You could feel your own tears threatening to slip out at your best friend's vehemence.

"I didn't- I wasn't… I don't wanna hurt myself" You tried to reassure her.

"Then why did you do it?"

You looked away. Would she understand? Would any of them? Jess had killed Killgrave, with no remorse. Matt had sacrificed himself, yes, but had put a stop to his deranged lover, even if it had broken his heart. And Frank, good god, what would your brother say? Was your name on his long list of traitors now too?

"It was the only way" You finally said, "The only way to force Billy to run and leave me behind, the only way to stop Frank from going after him… No matter how badly he wants Billy's head, I knew he wouldn't leave me to bleed out all alone…"

Of all the reactions you could have expected from Claire, the soft but firm way she wrapped you up in her arms was not one of them.

"Y-you're not mad at me?" You hated how small you sounded. Claire's incredulous scoff was muffled against your hair.

"Of course not. You're not a killer, nightingale. An idiot, sure" you snorted. "But you're not a killer…"

Claire was like you, trained almost to the point of conditioning to save lives, not take them. You knew as much as the city admired the Punisher, she didn't approve of his methods. Granted, she probably didn't wholly approve of yours either, but she wasn't judging you, and her support, her unconditional reassurance and comfort had lifted an unbearable, asphyxiating weight off your chest. You stayed like that, just leaning into each other, for what could been a few minutes or a few hours, letting go of everything, letting the tears flow and wash away the stress of the last few days, safe and free at long last, secure in the knowledge that, in the improbable case Billy or one of his minions tried to snatch you up again, they would have to get through a small army this time.

You tried to shackle and bury the part of you that rebelled, trashing and screaming, at the thought.

Next part