#to be good
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Do you ever wonder if Edwin never really escaped, if the demon is still just chasing him, he just managed to get a bit farther this time? If it's always going to be after him, just one step behind, just looking for the crack in the door that lets it catch up? If Edwin followed Charles all the way to heaven, if it would still come after him, one step at a time, if it took a year or ten or a thousand. No matter how far he runs, no matter how fast, no matter how well he hides...
Ghosts might not sleep, but do you think Edwin ever has nightmares?
#dead boy detectives#my thoughts#how many times can he run#how far can he get#what will it take for him to be safe?#not just for now#but forever?#no wonder he's so scared#no wonder he tries so hard#to be good#to help people#to make sure no one else gets lost#like he was#edwin payne#charles rowland#dbda
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Edit: Damn it I meant "morality" fuck
#taylor polls#to be lawful#to be good#law#morality#philosophy side of tumblr#philosophy#I'm only giving you two options because then you have to choose#i thought about adding a third option of âideally yes but practically noâ but figured that would be too easy so i left it out#i would have picked that third once though#if you're wondering
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why can't I stop crying
#đ«.words#domestic animals make my heart hurt#we were so selfish as humans to force something wild to be gentle just to keep us company#they're so trusting and pure#and i think of Laika the space dog#and how all she wanted was to be loved#to be good#how they all just want to be loved and good#I love them all#they're all good#I've never understood how someone could see a pet and not love them#they were made to be loved#to deny them that feels wrong
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WILD GEESE by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and excitingâ
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
#wild geese#mary oliver#mary oliver poetry#poetry#you don't have to be good#mary#oliver#poetry collection#dreamwork#poesia#to be good#love#humanity#self love
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realizing canonwise subkit is probably most definitely a proship or something considering subspace sees medkit as a traitor and literally caused the loss of his eye
chat what do i do. i am not having a good night
like the only instances i have of it are an au based around subspace being sad about medkits fucking dramatic ass death and a fucking crack fic thats in the works about medkit subspace and ban hammer having a wedding
#homohollers#phighting#medkit phighting#subspace phighting#ban hammer phighting#subkit#km not putting all the tags#it hurts so fuckin much dude tonight has been horrendous i dont fuckin know what to do anymore#am i reverting back to my old horrible problematic self?#am i relapsing?#am i gonna end up the horrible person i was before#i dont want to#i dont want to hurt people anymore#or myself#i dont fucking want to do bad things#i wanna be a good person#i want#to be good#please
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Crying thinking about fyodor at 5 am vibes
i donât know what it is about him that initially made me love his character so much but if i were to put a finger on it it would be his sickly god-savior complex rooted in isolation and narcissistic self hatred
Why did he turn out that way?
Headcannon time:
Havenât you heard? The Dostoyevsky family was cursed by a demon. Vanished without a trace. First it was the mother, the father, then the son.
- fyodorâs mother tried to kill him as a childâability users were even less understood back then and she saw him as a devil spawn
- the first time fyodor uses his ability is when his mother kills him. He is reborn as her. (Still a child, though)
- since he inherits his previous incarnationâs memories and desires, he inherits the strongest emotion his mother felt when she tried to kill him: hatred for ability users.
- fyodor, traumatized from that experience forgets what his mother had done when he was a child, forgets his motherâs memories, believing she had left him with her ring and swaddled in her clothes before disappearing into the night.
- even though he has forgotten, he still has an unexplainable intense hatred towards ability users.
- his father was a kind and meek man; believing that she had simply disappeared and left the two of them he raised fyodor the best he can as a normal boy.
- though fyodor does dearly love his father, and his father loves him, his father notices that fyodor acts uncannily similar to his mother.
- contrary to his wife, fyodorâs father is not extremely religious, which is why he finds it strange that fyodor is.
- it comes to a head when fyodor is 17, and his father is deathly ill from tuberculosis. They do not have any money to spare, and fyodor does his best to work but there is not enough money.
- !fyodor remembers there is a nasty, old, pawnbroker whom he had to sell his motherâs silver ring to to afford his fathers medicine. (You know where this is goingâŠ)
- carrying a hatchet in his hands, he corners the pawnbroker when she arrives back to her flat, drunk.
- he tries his goddamned best to kill her, but he is malnourished, small, and weak. He trips, and the axe falls out of his hands.
- in an panicked attempt to defend herself, the pawnbroker picks up the axe and kills fyodor(for the second time.)
- he is reborn againâexcept memories from when his mother killed him in his youth begin flooding back. The pawnbrokerâs, his motherâs, and his own memories melt and form a horrifying amalgamation in his mind.
- he takes what he can from the pawnbrokers house, and runs. He takes his motherâs ring back. He sells everything but the ring the next day.
- when he presents the medicine to his fatherâhis father, enraged and feverish, sits up in bed and asks him where he got the money to buy it from. He mustâve stolen. But from where? Reading the newspaper earlier that day shows that the pawnbroker has gone missing, with all of her belongings and money.
- when he looks a fyodor and looks into his eyes glossy white eyes and dead-empty expression⊠he knows. Feverish, he wonders, if fyodor had been the reason his wife had vanished too.
- fyodorâhaving been killed and having âkilledâ two people watches his fatherâs rage in a dissociative manic calm.
in him, resentment for his nature builds. This is what ability users can do, huh? This is the pain they can cause. He knows his father will die if he spends another day without medicine. He knows that he father will not accept the medicine from him.
And soâhe lets his father wrap his hands around his throat. This is fyodorâs mercy.
He leaves his home after that, his father and motherâs burning desires still fresh in his mind: kill all ability users.
Footnotes:
*this also fits asagiriâs style of writing: he often switches the personalities and/or circumstances of his characters in bsd. Akutagawa being dazaiâs apprentice in bsd vs dazai vying for the akutagawa award in real life. Dazai mocking chuuya in bsd vs chuuya mocking dazai in real life.
*In this hc, fyodorâs mother is the one who is heavily religious, whereas in real life it is his father. In this hc, his father is ill instead of his mother who was in real life.
*And my favorite switch of all: the pawnbroker from crime and punishment killing raskolnikov (fyodor) instead of the other way around in the the actual Crime and Punishment.
*QUESTION. What intense desire did the fyodor get from the pawn broker? This oneâs fun. The desire not to dieâit makes the next time he kills an ability user using his ability that much more excruciating.
#fyodor dostoevsky#hcs#bsd fanfic#headcannons#angst#this is inspired off of my previous theory where *if* his ability had to kill some one to the touch then he wouldâve killed his mother#thatâs a pretty good reason to hate ability users!#i think he shouldâve died for real at the helicopter but if Asagiri wants to play it like this than Iâll play#i havenât read bsd since the beginning of this year donât kill me pls#this is also loosely inspired by a24âs pearl#something about the unnerving European vibes; I could see the German town depicted in pearl mirroring Saint Petersburg very well#also the clearly mentally ill main characters who are no doubt *bad* and iredeemabke people (fyodor much more so) who never had the chance#to be good#I think about Saint Petersburg a lot#because of c&p#such a morose sweat slicked bitter cold and cynical city#I think about the way Dostoyevsky describes it a lot
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"E então meus olhos perceberam a maldade que o meu coração bondoso não sente"
"And then my eyes perceived the evil that my kind heart does not feel"
- @murasakinocatt
#literatura#literature#reflection#reflexĂŁo#phrases#phrase#frases#frase#olhos#coracao#eyes#heart#evil#kind#maldade#bondade#to be good#to feel#sentir#perceber#to perceive#đ«#consciĂȘncia#alerta#alert#conscience
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Reflection on Writing
I see the world of writing as this landscape of infinite possibilities. With having simple command of letters to weave into words that then come together to form sentences and paragraphs, I could craft a world of my own. I could invoke feeling and imagery that others may have never before thought to imagine. No two pieces of writing are the same, yet they use the same 26 letters of the alphabet. Thereâs something about that, something about having access to a world so malleable in the hands of each person that inspires me and ignites a fire inside of me. I donât know if I did find my passion in life, I just chose to write it off as something unattainable for me. Probably. I tend to aim for perfection on the first few tries and when I donât get it, I abandon it for someone else to do better. But the thing is, thereâs room for everyone. Thereâs even room for me to be bad!Â
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I can't make myself happy. I can't make them happy. Fuck
#Maybe not yet#Trying to get my thoughts together#This helps#I just.#God i try sk hard#To be good#And be better than I was#And then shit like this happens#And i want to die#It's#hard#I think I'm triggered#Ii just want someone to be happy#And it's never going to be me#But I can't even be good enough to make them happy#I should be helping#I miss Delores#Five Vents#(literally ignore him im just lowkey vent writing teehee)
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i keep getting tss blogs reccomended to me now and sometimes i take a look at them and that is how i discovered that thereâs a whole ts critical tag. so like thatâs going on my blocked tags list i guess
#.txt#i donât mind people criticising people i like ofc#itâs just that itâs all about how slow tss content has gotten and like#yeah okay fair but he also doesnât really owe anyone anything yk#thomas that is#my only opinion on all that is i think maybe he should scale down his projects a bit#not even necessarily because itâd get vids out faster i just think itâd be healthier#like itâs okay for things to be Less. doesnât have to have a million elements#and the worlds highest production quality#to be good#i DO think another sanders asides would be good as a like. tide over. just have the sides play monopoly together or something thatâd be fun
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so ok yeah fine i watched gravity falls again and read the book of bill
#billford#bill cipher#stanford pines#bill got me againâŠ. in 2024⊠what a time#also billford canon lets GO#2015 me is living#drawing gf again after so long feels surreal but good#ford pines#gravity falls#my art
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it came to my realization that 99% of my fandom related headaches would be cured if everyone understood this
#making this at 2 am was like âtop 10 autism moment for me#this is helping me make sense of so many things hopefully it helps someone else too idk#user macdenlover drops badly drawn infographic media literacy rates skyrocket theres world peace#anyways#for sunny 1.5 is the sweet spot for me. a sexy medium rare if u will#but it completely depends on the piece of media#with supernatural i was a 2.5 on a good day.
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this post is meant for mobile users
#arson screams#rb bait#kinda#its-arson-time im so good at this#arson explodes#this post got 1k when i wasnt looking
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its been about 6 months
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