#to be clear it was all in good fun if I was truly like ughhh I don’t wanna drink any more i would’ve given her a deadpan fuck you. no.

[meteortrails]

selfies from my friends 21st birthday party tonight!! we went to a board game bar, got a lil drunk, swapped jackets (second photo - I originally wore that very stylish greybrown peacoat and got too hot) and retired to the birthday girls house where Chloe made me take FOUR JELLO SHOTS. it might’ve been more I honestly lost count. can you believe the audacity.

[videostak]

ughhh dont no what to do today... spent last night cleanign my floor so im like super comfy rn lol like cleared out so much space its real good ^_^ also decided on more stuff to get rid of. honestly gonna get rid of the kalimba, mini lil glockenspiel type thing, and my yamaha synht. i knooow it sounds insane to say that but like ive realized my playing style rly is more suited for my other instruments then those and i rly dont make any thing on those. like a kalimba at some point would be nice to get but this one i have has not many keys and also is rly out of tune and loosening th screws n stuff doesnt change anything so i like never use it ahd never record anything interesting on it. the lil glockenspiel thing is the same tho i am gonna keep the lil mallet type thing it came w/ cause i use that when i play like water bowls n stuff and just great shape for hitting random percussin things w/ like found objects. then the yamaha synth i know sounds truly insane to get rid of but like idk i rly have trouble fnding the same sorta warmth i can find in like my pianos/electric organ/bass guitar etc in a synth. atleast a synth like that that is mostly presets with some sound synthesist abilities like ill have fun dicking around w/ it but hardly record anythign i  relisten to or would wanna show to ppl. and then am also probably gonna take one of my melodicas to the thrift too cause im not rly good at the melodica rn and dont see the point of having two when i always just use the other one and this one doesnt even have the cover for the spit valve so i have to use tape. its also one of those eaerly ones that has the keys all as seperate lil buttons instead of a piano layout so its kinda not as fun to play or as cool looking. so gonna take that since i only ever use the other one . the other one is hohner melodica piano 27 whcih i like in like every other aspect than the green one but ideally i think one day id want a piano 26 since that one is the one augustus pablo used and goes to more higher octaves than the piano 27 tho rn i dont wanna like order anythign and think its good to just use this since its obv great regardless especially for me who doesnt rly have melodica chops.

[sunlightandsuffering]

Banger Lys!

You honestly always go above and beyond and are above kind, taking in peoples asks and “requests” even if you aren’t especially partial to the idea. I’ve always said u spoil us too much!

Writers have been getting such weird energy from readers recently, especially within the em fan base. There’s this certain level of entitlement I’ve seen rise that I can’t properly explain.

People take writers for granted, writing is something that’s time consuming and can be draining. If y’all want to see concepts you like or if you disagree with a certain portrayal write for yourselves instead of complaining or passively insulting the writer.

I don’t want to speak for you at all and I’m sorry if I’m off the mark but you very obviously had a clear characterization in this story specifically to where anons hypothetical situation doesn’t make much sense. Like you very clearly set the scene. There’s a certain point where readers have to understand that this is the story you wrote. I want to say maybe it’s bc were always conversing on here but it’s somewhat annoying to see people feel entitled to your story bc of it.

Anons latest ask was filled with this weird passive aggressive language that was supposed to make you feel bad I assume 💀 people need to understand that while they can’t “request” for things just bc they don’t really like what happened.

And again if I’m talking out of my ass please put me in my place 😭 truly don’t feel obligated to include things that people bring up in your asks just to make all parties happy, your stories are yours first and foremost! Write for yourself before anyone else :)

Honestly take time away from tumblr and the fandom if you need to, have fun on vacation with your family (have a good recovery ???$) and have a good holiday season! Enjoy your time off of school (and maybe fandom spaces)!

^^ ughhh u phrased it so perfectly, basically everything above 💕💕💕 AHHH thank u so much anon, I really appreciate your thoughts!! I totally agree, u say it so well, wanna call u eloquent anon honestly lol!! But yes I've been seeing SO much entitlemnet lately in the fandom, fr if y'all don't like something, write ur own fic, for real. I completely agree though, you really said it perfectly eloquent anon, like I set up that fic so they'd have a very specific, casual, fun relationship and that was honestly the whole point! But SOME ppl's entitltment to my writing blows my mind sometimes, but what can u do, they'll always be assholes out there. I'm not out here to rewrite my fics bc people lack reading comprehension or want a different ending, write it yo damn self in that case!! I LOVE U ELOQUENT ANON UR SUCH A SWEETIE!! Ahaha i might, i don't have a lot of wifi access as i'm sure y'all have figured out by my laggy ask schedule 😂 but i've enjoyed talking about gloomykasa, I just probably won't be as active as I typically am for a bit, but maybe i'll write, maybe i won't we'll see!! Thank u so much anon!! I'll have a good vacay and imma try to recover, i keep having weird unlucky shit happen to me, so ITS A WILD TIME RN!! AND i feel like lately the fandom is a dumpster fire ANYWAY, so like maybe break time is good 😋😋😋😋😋 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

[revangerang]

Oh boy I really got in my feelings and wrote way too much lmao

Tagged by: @edithpattou86

Tags your friends to do their own lists: @chierafied @mother-ishvara @doughygraduatestudent @kazoomajor @pagan-assassin

[[MORE]]

Top 5 animated movies:

1. Whisper of the Heart - Such a cute and whimsical slice-of-life coming of age story, and so inspiring for creative types! I love how Shizuku sees her fantasies come to life in the world around her, and how she just follows her whims to wander the city and treats each day like an adventure. I see a lot of myself in her. The grandpa and his shop are so cool! I want to find a place like that in my city! I love how she and Seiji inspire and encourage each other to improve themselves. Even though they’re so young and I usually hate that kind of thing, I think it’s a very realistic portrayal of what true love and a healthy relationship should be. The way her writing is treated as a creative process and something she can polish with hard work is just such a wonderful message and so inspiring to me.

2. Spirited Away - I love the Japanese culture and mythology, and the serene, still tone of the film. Truly beautiful. The way it doesn’t paint the spirits and gods in a bad light is good and correct: they were the careless humans who went into their world and took what they shouldn’t have. But it still focuses on the supernatural and eerie elements, often without even explaining anything, which I love. And the bathhouse feels like a real functioning place with workplace culture and all. And of course it’s great that Chihiro steps up and learns to be strong. I just love it.

3. Howl’s Moving Castle - I love all the characters so much, and all the magic and whimsy. The fantasy European setting is so charming, and they did a good job depicting Western magic. Ghibli movies really have such mundane magic, and they make me feel like my life is magic too. Sophie is so good and strong and I love seeing her come into her own. And Howl is hot. lmao

4. My Neighbor Totoro - I had the original Fox dub of this on a bootleg VHS my grandma made us when I was literally like an infant. My parents threw it away when I was still young- like no older than 5- because it “has Eastern religion in it” 🙄 Too bad for them the damage was already done lmfao. It was definitely one of the biggest influences of my formative years, I loved it so much and I’m so grateful to it. That mundane magic I talked about before, and just introducing me to a totally different worldview from my sheltered white American Christian bubble. I was fascinated by every single aspect from the traditional Japanese-style home to the bentos to the shrines... I really admired Satsuki and how grown up she was, taking care of her little sister like she did, making the lunches, all that. It’s really such a charming movie with great music and such a realistic depiction of childhood. Plus who doesn’t love Totoro himself?? And catbus! Iconicccc. I still look for little portholes in bushes and trees to this day lmao

5. Mulan - My little 8-year-old enby ass crying in the living room and repeatedly playing the Reflections scene over and over makes so much more sense now 😂 But really it’s just such a great film with a unique art style, fun characters, and great music. I love how Mulan fights for what she believes is right, and wants to protect her father. And I think it’s great how she also fights to find her own place in the world. I like how they don’t make it a “not like other girls” thing, but just that she personally somehow doesn’t feel comfortable in her own skin with the makeup and all that. Between her living as a man and the clear romantic relationship between “Ping” and Shang, it’s pretty good queer representation for a 2000s Disney movie lol. Also Mulan and Shang can both get it I mean what.

Honorable Mention: Prince of Egypt - That animation tho! So fucking cinematic!! And the music and everything just ugh so good! The characters are really compelling too and you can totally feel the brotherly love and familial issues.

Top 5 live action movies:

1. Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day - This is a movie where you can’t look away for a moment or you’ll miss something important. It really is just one entire heck of a day for the main character like howwww does so much happen. It’s really just written so well honestly that they manage to pack so much into a single movie and a single day. I aspire to that level. The 30s setting is so great with the costumes and set and music ahh I get so much inspiration from it. Every single character (and actor for that matter) is just fantastic. It’s super funny- that situational comedy is my jam. And there are touching moments that give me inspiration for my own life. I relate to Miss Pettigrew with her clear social anxiety, and perhaps neurodivergency? But I love how the events of the film bring out the best in her. And Delysia is just so charming! I want her confidence

2. La La Land - Such a fun and whimsical musical about life for creatives in Los Angeles~ It makes me feel nostalgic and proud to live here. I love all the different homages to classic Hollywood, and the music is so good!! The love story feels realistic and I actually really like that they don’t end up together in the end. They just encourage each other to be better, and if that means being apart, they’re willing to do it. It is another one that gives me inspiration for my life and creative endeavors, especially The Fools Who Dream 😭 Gets me every time.

3. Mamma Mia - This is my shameless feel-good movie. I love just putting it on in the background as I clean or whatever. It’s just so upbeat and fun!! I love Amanda Seyfried and Meryl Streep especially. And I like that the main character learns what she wants (and doesn’t want) out of life right now. And I love that they depict older characters and women!! having full and rich lives including romance and sex. The message that it’s never too late for love is so great! And also just like please communicate and you will probably save yourself so much heartache lmao.

4. Across the Universe - I have an affinity for the 60s and 70s, and I love how this movie kind of takes you through that era with the various characters. It’s such a fun movie with great costumes, cinematography, and music! I just love all the covers of the Beatles songs!! I honestly like them just as much as I like the originals. This is one of the first things I ever saw with positive/neutral queer representation?? Like Sadie is presented just as she is, without it being like WHAT SHE LIKES WOMEN?????? I”MPOSSIBLE !! Or making it all about sex or whatever. It’s literally just like “I want to hold your hand.” Also the whole bit with Eddie Izzard is just incredible lmfao

5. LOTR - My first fandom~ I love these movies so much ughhh. The music! The costumes! The characters! The world! The high fantasy!! I think PJ was so true to the books, or at least as much as he was able in just 10-ish hours. I love that they just went for it and filmed all three in one go, and made them over 3 hours long, which was basically unheard of at the time for blockbuster films. They did so good fully representing the different races through costume, language, culture, and the music too. I literally used to just lay on my bed for hours at a time in junior high, listening to the soundtracks and being immersed in the world. My friends and I would often play pretend that we were in Middle Earth (so lame for middle schoolers lmaooo). I love every single (not-evil) character and I will fight for them. I will especially fight Denethor I don’t even cARE !

Honorable mention: A Little Princess - Sooo whimsical and lovely, even when the girls are going through hardship! I love Sarah and how she literally does magic and even puts a curse on what’s her face omgg. She’s so charming and a genuinely good person too, even though she could have been a spoiled brat. The big climactic scene is so !! Omg I still get the adrenaline when she’s crossing the board and then hiding from the police even though I’ve seen this countless times since I was a small child. And it’s so wonderful that she’s reunited with her father, and they adopt the other girl. It taught me at a young age that the world isn’t fair and people will be nasty and abusive for no reason, but that you can still believe in magic and “fancy yourself a princess.” And the neighbor guy taught me that strangers will step in to help out of the goodness of their heart.

Top 5 TV shows:

1. ATLA - One of the best series of all time. The worldbuilding, lore, storyline, character development, animation, music, etc, are all incredible. If they had gone with the original intention of making Zutara canon it would have been literally perfect and so subversive and innovative! As it is it is still nearly perfect and they still did an amazing job with Zuko’s redemption arc. I just ignore that very last scene tbh. In my mind, it didn’t happen. The series addresses so many issues like imperialism, sexism, abuse, family, disability, war, etc, in a very realistic way. Uncle Iroh is literally a treasure.

2. Steven Universe - So charming and wonderful!! I just love it so much!! It is so goddamn queer, it makes me so happy. Stevonnie is the nonbinary representation we don’t even deserve!! I love every single character. I love the animation and the music too! The bgm is so bubbly and glitchy and cool, super on point for trends these days. And the original songs are so charming~ It also deals with a ton of important issues like imperialism, interpersonal relationships, oppression, self-identity, abuse, leadership, mental health, boundaries, consent, brain-washing, unlearning unhealthy behavior, etc. I love that every single character, even minor ones, get character development and a chance to be strong and improve themselves. And it shows that even the ones we initially think are super strong and have it all together, actually have their own issues that they struggle with too.

3. Yuuri!!! On Ice - This show!!!! Oh my goddddddd. Literally perfect. I love that it just subverts every single trope???? Especially with the events at the beginning and the big spoiler in episode 10. Simply incredible. I love every single character so much??? Even ones I was expecting to hate, like how Yurio is a little shit at the beginning, and then when Lilia is introduced as this super severe tyrant, but she ends up just being a good, yet strict coach because she really wants Yurio to succeed. It’s honestly just so wholesome! The music is so amazing and the ice skating is really realistic too! It really shows that they had an actual skating choreographer and worked off video of him performing. I love how realistic the whole show is like with lots of social media, youtube, instagram, etc. And it does a queer romance without it being a gimmick. It’s just a sports anime with a side plot of a romance but it just happens to be gay. And Kubo-sensei has stated that homophobia doesn’t exist at all in their world which makes me so happy. It’s honestly so queer and I adore how all three main characters are genderfucks a bit. I also love how realistically Yuuri’s anxiety and depression are portrayed. I relate so much to him, especially because mine exhibit in the exact same ways as his. It’s another one that inspires me to fight to be better and live the life I want to live.

4. OTGW - So charming. A perfect addition to the canon of New England fairy tales. The music is great, the animation is wonderful and nostalgic, the characters are fun and interesting and spooky. I love how liminal it is and you aren’t really sure where they are or what’s going on for the majority of the episodes. Greg is the most realistic depiction of a small child and the brothers’ relationship is the most realistic I think I’ve ever seen in my life lmao. He’s just so random and weird and has such Little Kid Logic I love it so much lmao. The story is perfectly contained in its 10 short episodes, and it gives a very satisfying ending. I still can’t get over how many huge stars were in it too?? Like fucking Tim Curry as Auntie Whispers???? I can not believe.

5. Inuyasha - I’m weeb trash and this show is also trash but I love it so much okay. As a big fan I hold so much against the anime for changing things from the manga, but even so I love it. Overall I think the animation, music, and voice acting is perfect. It’s so cool with all the mythos of youkai and the shikon jewel, plus I love traditional Japanese culture stuff. And isekai type stuff is my jam. If I found a portal to another world or to the past you bet your ass I’d go through it. I totally don’t still look for portals as a 30 year old adult, I don’t know what you’re talking about 😂 Kagome is such a great mc tbh like she’s so smart and strong and talented and kind I just love her so much??? I want to be more like her. And I love all the characters honestly. I have to overlook some questionable 90s anime tropes for certain ones, but I still love them. As much as we rag on the constant upgrades thing, the battles and stuff are pretty thrilling, and overall the series is good fun. And yes Sesshoumaru is my husbando, next question.

Honorable Mention: Doctor Who - I love how this show manages to be like every single genre?? SciFi, historical, comedy, thriller, mystery, slice of life, etc. I love all of the Doctors, and all of their companions. I just love how much the Doctor loves humans, and how much faith they have in humanity. And again it’s that whole isekai, time travel, normal modern human goes on magical adventures thing. I would go with the Doctor in a heartbeat. I still cry over Donna 😭

[nanigma]

Leon Fanbook Translation: Leon & Kamui + Words of Love

Link to the Takumi Fanbook

Introduction

Profile

Famous Lines

Relationships

And back at it again. This one is a double feature, so it took a bit longer. I am also starting to apply for a new part-time job, so even though my internship is ending next week, this won’t neccessarily leave me with more free time to translate. I’ll still try my best for you guys, of course. Honestly, I am amazed I even made it this far already in this short amount of time with everything going on.

Anyway, not much in the way of new material this time, but some fun comments nontheless. (Also S-Rank lines remain hilarious to me)

Before we continue, here is the same note as before: As I am currently without a real income, I would very much appreciate it if you could throw me a couple bucks via my ko-fi account. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just what you think my translations are worth really.

My comments in italics

I’ll be using the Japanese names

Pages 20-21

Leon & Kamui

At Kamui's side...

As part of the Nohrian Royal siblings, Kamui and Leon have spent a not insignificant amount of time with each other. Through these supports, let us analyse the unwavering bonds between the two!!

Leon - A cold-blooded teacher!?

His thorough instruction of Kamui is now beginning!

Leon assumes the responsiblity of being Kamui's instructor in battle tactics. Could Leon's mental anguish become clear through the discussion of homework assignments!?

The following supports are with male Corrin – The pronoun he uses is „boku“

And here is the translation of the supports

→ Even if Kamui is female, the support conversation plays out the same way.

Page 21

Gather your Courage!

Leon's once-in-a-lifetime proposal

If the protagonist Kamui is female, the support can proceed up to S-Rank. This is the complete story of how the sibling's love for each other grew past familial. The way Leon confessed his feelings as a man.

→ To think the formerly tsun-tsun Leon would turn all dere-dere here...

I trust you all know what these terms mean.

Big sister Aqua's comment

“Since it was impossible not to see how madly Prince Leon has fallen for Kamui, I think this development doesn't strike anyone as very surprising. Either way, I am very interested to see what kind of couple they'll be considering one is so good at being straightforward while the other is simply terrible at it. Haha...”

Pages 22-23

Words of Love

“My room“ is the place where you and Leon can spend time alone. Over time, you will be able to fix the many hang-ups of the cold-blooded prince. Then you will hear him speak sweet words of love and close the distance between you.

At C-Rank

“Is there anything you need?“  “Something wrong with my headband?“

“W-Woah, you'll mess up my hair, you know.“ “I get that you want to coo over your little brother, but cut it out...“

“So you are already trying to flaunt your age over me...“

“Man, I can never tell what you are trying to do. If you don't have anything to talk about, I'll just leave.“

At B-Rank

“Is there anything on my face?“ “Sometimes people tell me my face looks feminine...“

“Can you stop messing with your little brother's face?“ “Don't you think toying with your little brother all the time is a bit unfair?“

“At first I wasn't sure what to think, but … I am glad we were able to spend time like this again.“

At A-Rank

“I wonder if it's fine to indulge in this once in a while..“

“Just don't let my collar get turned inside out..“

“What? Are you trying to poke me through the armour?“ “Haha. You've always had some interesting habits.“

“I will protect you. Just because our siblings would be very sad if anything happened to you, okay.“

“Although I've kept it a secret until now, I actually look up to you the same way I look up to Marx. I think it would be nice, if someday I could... truly open up to others without hesitation.“

Page 23

At S-Rank

“Ughhh.. Stop tempting me like this.“

“Agh! I'm sensitive there!“ “I won't ever get used to this, right...?“

“Man.. you sure change your tone when it's just the two of us.“

“... Hey. Close your eyes for a bit. ….. Haa.. Sorry, I couldn't resist...

“I love you. I'm not your little brother anymore, so if you want to spend time together, just say the word.“

“What are you doing to your little brother? … Just kidding.“

“I love how warm your hands are...“ “Come closer already.“

“Hm? What do you want to do with me? “If you want to touch me, just say so.“

“Do you want me? I understand very well... I want you so much I can't even bear it.“

“With how much you are touching me... you don't get to complain if I decided to return the favour, okay?“

“I love you. If you were to go somewhere far away... I wouldn’t know what to do. A world without you would have no meaning for me. Just remember that...”

Pages 24-25

Just a splash age with the quote:

“Traitors are a disgrace to Nohr. Death shall be your redemption…“

written over it.

----------------

See you again next time! Thank you for all the support!

[aardvark-123]

Gensokyo Festival Rewrite: Tales from a Blossomed Wonderland

I think I made this one a bit better and more consistent, although not too much of the actual structure needed changing. Here are a few tales of the first days of Spring.

Youmu was afloat in an ocean of pure beauty. Warm sunlight filtered through the boundless flowers above, bathing her in a soft pink glow. She closed her eyes, drank in the sweet, heady air and let out a deep sigh of ecstasy.

"These cherry blossoms are just perfect, aren't they?" murmered Yuyuko. She shuffled a little closer to Youmu, rested her head against the tall cherry tree she was snoozing under and gave her hair a little stroke. "I'm so glad we came out here. So beautiful..."

"Spring is the greatest!" agreed Youmu, snuggling up against her master's soft blue robe. "Nothing but flowers and beauty all around us, and this is just the first day! We don't even have to awaken any evil youkai in order to enjoy it."

Yuyuko laughed nervously. "I guess that's a plus."

"Yes..." Youmu frowned. "I do feel bad about what we did. All this life and beauty, all the birds and the butterflies and the blossoms and the bunnies... This is what you wanted me to steal! I just..." she sighed deeply. "Please don't make me steal any more seasons."

"Don't worry. After all this, I don't think I could ever bring myself to." Yuyuko smiled mischievously. "Then again, a couple more Saturday afternoons wouldn't hurt..."

"Y-you're not serious?!" Youmu sat up in shock, her eyes widening.

"Nope!" giggled Yuyuko. "Wouldn't mind an extra teatime, though. Come on, let's go to the shrine!"

"All right!" Youmu stood up and stretched. She took two steps and tripped over a sunbathing fairy.

"Oh, my...! Have a nice trip!" Yuyuko giggled as she stood over the sprawling samurai and confused fairy. "Say, have I seen you around here before?"

"Umm... Maybe?" The fairy tilted her head. "I'm Lily White! I herald the coming of spring!"

"Aren't you a bit late, then?" Youmu rose to her feet, rubbing her bruised shoulder. "Spring has already started!"

Lily looked at the clouds of pink blossoms in the air, then at the flowers blooming at her feet. Then she let out a piercing scream of horror. Youmu fell flat on her back.

"Oh, no! I don't believe it! This is the worst! I can't believe I overslept at the start of spring. I don't deserve to live!" Lily wept into her conical hat.

Yuyuko gave Youmu a worried look.

"No. This is not the last day of Lily White." Lily rose into the air, her whole body shining with the power of nature. Her diaphenous pink wings flared out behind her. "I may be late, but I won't give up! I will announce Spring to everyone! I feel the power of the universe radiating inside me! Onwards, Fairy Herald of Spring!" Lily soared away through the forest, accompanied by triumphant music.

"Okay... Okay. Very nice." Yuyuko noticed Benben and Yatsuhashi playing the triumphant music behind a stout tree and gave them a friendly wave. "Very... Very atmospheric. Uhh, come on, Youmu! Let's go eat!"

"It's Spring, it's Spring! Listen, everyone! IT'S SPRING!"

Resplendent in her white-and-red dress, Lily danced through the flowery meadows. Her socks and cute buckle-shoes were soaked with dew, but she didn't care. This was her time to shine.

Lily's face lit up. She'd spotted a couple of friends at the edge of the Great Youkai Forest. "Cirno! Eternity! Did you hear?! IT'S SPRING!"

Cirno and Eternity Larva looked up in amazement as Lily ran over.

"It's Spring, friends! It's finally here! SPRING!"

Cirno sprang up and punched Lily in the face. "Are you quite through?! Not everyone likes spring, y'know!"

Eternity gasped. "Cirno, you can't do that! It's her job to tell us when Spring starts!"

Cirno grit her teeth. "Believe it or not, I've known it was Spring all day. Just look! How could I not have noticed?! Look!"

"Ughhh... It's dothig persodal..." groaned Lily. Nevertheless, she tried to focus in the direction Cirno was pointing. Her eyes went wide. Sweating and hugging herself in nothing but a flimsy bathing suit, Letty Whiterock was curled up between the roots of a tall tree.

"She's been there since last week." Cirno's voice was tense. Cold tears were sparkling on her cheeks; Lily realised Cirno had been crying all along. "Another year sleeping, too hot to move or talk or have any fun... This is what Spring does to people, Lily. This is why I have to become the strongest fairy and cover the world in eternal winter."

Lily was horrified. All her life, she'd believed Spring was the greatest season ever, but now she was shaken to the core. Spring could hurt people, force them to sleep until their own season came again? It boggled her mind.

People needed Spring, though. They needed food and flowers and newborn lambs and mud to roll in. (The latter was mainly for the Aki Sisters.) Even if it could hurt people, it still needed announcing, and Lily was never going to let Spring be stolen again. Even if that meant becoming stronger even than Cirno... And killing her.

Eternity glanced up at the nearby tree from atop which the Tsukumo Sisters were playing some dark, suspenseful music. "Shouldn't you have a violinist with you?"

Benben shook her head. "Lunasa's busy right now."

"Bravo, bravo! Oh, that was simply marvellous!" Alice and Shanghai clapped appreciatively from their seats in the Prismrivers' expansive back garden. "I still struggle to believe three sisters can sound as good as an entire orchestra!"

Lyrica laughed. "I wouldn't say we're that good. Maybe a medium-sized ensemble, or a choir..."

"Or a barbershop quartet!" Merlin piped up.

Lyrica sighed. "Yes, dear sister, a triad of superlatively talented musicians can be compared to four imbeciles who can just about harmonise. Thank you for that insight."

"Lyrica, she doesn't mean any harm," said Lunasa sympathetically.

"I'm sure she doesn't, but... She really gets my goat sometimes."

Merlin grinned. "And I'm proud of it!"

Lyrica's eyes narrowed. She reached for a large cream cake, but found Alice's hand firmly upon her arm.

"Come now, Lyrica, you mustn't sink to your sister's level."

Lyrica pouted mightily. "I'll sink to it if I want..."

"Yes, well." Alice took a fortifying sip of tea. "I do love the classical European arts. Noh, kabuki, gagaku, ukiyo-e are all fine, and I won't deny that manga and J-pop deserve to exist, but there is nothing quite like the sweet melody of the violin."

Merlin and Lyrica bristled.

"Not that the trumpet and the piano are any worse!" said Alice hastily. "Beautiful instruments, they truly are. The very salt of the earth. And, well, what I am saying is... You should all be proud of yourselves. I have never met greater artists."

"Oh, Alice, thank you!" cried Lunasa.

"Yeah, that really means a lot!" said Merlin, blushing vividly.

"We put a tremendous amount of effort into our performances. Hearing that from you almost... M-makes me..." Lyrica wept with joy.

"You're most welcome, you three. I simply love your music!" smiled Alice. "Tell me, though... Do you think you could teach Shanghai to play?"

"Um," said Lunasa, "your doll?"

"Teach a doll to play music?" said Merlin, tilting her head in confusion.

"Yes." Alice's eyes were wide and innocent. "I deserve a favour after giving you all those compliments, do I not?"

The sisters shared a worried look.

Yukari closed her three gaps, sat back against her ten goose-feather pillows and smiled. "All is well again, it seems. In spite of all the chaos we've just had, peace reigns over Gensokyo. Perhaps it will last as long as a week!" she giggled.

"Unlikely, Mistress. According to my calculations, there will be at least one minor Incident the day after tomorrow, and a major one could be less than a month away," said Ran, who was standing patiently beside her master's massive four-poster bed. "I estimate a sixty-three point twelve percent chance that the Lunarians will attempt something at least mildly annoying, although what it will be I cannot say."

"Well, quite." Yukari cleared her throat. "Listen, Ran, I think I feel a nap coming on. Get me some warm milk."

"At once, Mistress." Ran rose to her feet and strode off. She paused in the doorway and turned back to Yukari. "By the way, Mistress, I've noticed that patches of the barrier are still weakening. Is there anything I can do to help you repair it after your snooze?"

Yukari was silently impressed with Ran's ability to nudge her to do things without ever giving a direct criticism. "Thank you, but no. I'm just leaving it to see what happens."

"I am sure that is a wise choice," said Ran levelly.

"Yes. Quite." Yukari smiled. "I mean, it's not as if Reimu and her little friends are going to fly all the way over here and force me to fix it now! They couldn't even get past Chen if you're with her."

"Damn straight they couldn't!" Chen poked her head up from under the quilt. "If anyone tries to hurt my master and her sleepy friend, I'll rip their kneecaps off." Ran gasped. "Chen! How could you think of hiding in-"

"No, it's all right. I asked her to lick my feet clean," Yukari cut Ran off. "And you've done a lovely job, too, Chen. You deserve a nice glass of milk!"

"Yay!" squeaked Chen, who couldn't wait to get the salty taste out of her mouth.

[mystic-messenger-writing]

Hi, if asks are open, can you do RFA & Co. reacting to a MC who is absolutely terrified of bugs? - Like even seeing teeny tiny ones will send her heading for the hills... (^-^;) Much obliged :3

ME TOO MY FRIEND! My apartment’s window is always crawling with creepy bugs and I hate it ughhh. So this one was a lot of fun to write about! I also wasn’t sure who to include in the Co. part of the request so I just added V since I didn’t want it to sound too repetitive. Thank you for the request and I hope that you enjoy!! ^^

Yoosung

The first time Yoosung found out about your fear of bugs was when the two of you were out on a picnic together

A little ladybug landed on his finger, he giggled and moved to show you

He definitely wasn’t expecting you to scream and run behind a tree to hide

Yoosung honestly thinks your fear of insects is adorable because it’s something that he isn’t afraid of so he can be Superman Yoosung and protect you from the creepy crawlers

He’ll never admit it but sometimes he purposely lets bugs inside your home just so he can be your hero and set the little fellows free

But he actually tries to explain to you the benefits of bugs, telling you that killing them is wrong even though you usually ignore him and just scream every time you see a bug

Yoosung truly becomes your knight in shining armor when it comes to bugs, you don’t mind as long as he gets rid of them

Zen

Zen found out about your fear of bugs when a small housefly flew around his apartment

At the time, Zen was in the shower but jumped out when he heard you screaming

He grabbed a pot from the kitchen and only with a small towel wrapped around his waist, Zen was ready to defend you from whatever intruder there was

Zen found you shaking in fear in the cornor, ignoring Zen’s beautiful naked form, pointing in the direction of the living room where he saw the housefly

He let out a sigh of relief and captured the housefly in a cup, and let him free outside

You apologized for causing such a ruckus but bugs terrified you, making all of the pieces click for Zen

He didn’t really have a fear of insects, only bees since he was afraid that if they stung him then his perfect face would become swollen

So Zen had no problem taking care of any bugs for you, in fact he thought that your scared face was adorable

Zen landed a role in a musical as a bug exterminator which he nailed the role for thanks to having plenty of practice with you

Jaehee

Jaehee found out about your bug phobia when the two of you went out shopping for the day

When the two of you were window shopping, a huge bug circled around you, causing you to shriek and hide behind Jaehee

Meanwhile, Jaehee easily swiped the nasty insect away from the two of you

You stared at Jaehee in awe of her bravery, she just giggled and kissed your cheek motioning you to move on

Anytime you would see a bug, Jaehee would immediatly guide it away from you

This woman has faced the wrath of Jumin Han when his cat was missing so some creepy crawlers don’t scare her

She tried to help you overcome your fear but quickly realizes that that idea would be in vain since every time she tries to get you to swipe a fly away, you run in the other direction

Jaehee promises to clear any bugs away from you in exchange for coffee and kisses which you happily agree

Jumin

Jumin found out in a very unique way that you were afraid of insects

He came home from another long at work to expect you to greet him but instead, he found the couch cushions set up like a fort

The dining room table was turned on its side to block out the way to the bedroom plus the chairs were blocking the pathway to the door

When Jumin finally found you, he saw you dressed in all black and with puffy eyes from crying

Needless to say, he was extremely confused

You explained to him that you saw a huge spider in the bedroom while you were planning on having some special time with Jumin tonight

But your fear of bugs made you cancel that idea to instead contain the little guy until he came home

Without a word, Jumin grabbed a cup and some tissues and walked bravely to the bedroom

He swung the door open and saw the spider crawling high on the ceiling

Jumin stood up on the bed and snatched the crawler, quickly disposing him outside while calling for you to return

You cautiously saw that Jumin slayed the bug and that he was calling an exterminator to make sure no more would come in

No way any insect is going to get in the way of yours and Jumin’s sexy time

Seven

Good luck telling this boy that you’re scared of bugs because he’s just as terrified as you are

It all started one day when the two of you were lounging on the couch

Seven was dozing off to sleep but nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard you scream

He stood up and dramatically told you that he would protect you from anything

Until you pointed to a bug flying around the house, that’s when Seven screamed and shoved you out of the way

The two of you ran into the bathroom, locking and blocking off the door

Seven realized that neither one of you had your phones nor did he have any of his gear, meaning the two of you were stuck in the bathroom while the bug freely flew around

The two of you argued with each other to be the brave one and kill the bug

It was three hours until Saeran came home and killed the bug for you and Seven, rolling his at both of your absurdity while you and Seven were eternally grateful

V

V was never a big fan of insects himself but he was determined to help you out with your own fear of them

It all started when V pointed out a butterfly flying around when the two of you were taking a nightly stroll

Your screams of terror along with you clinging to him for the rest of the night made V realize just how terrified you really were

He apologized and felt like your phobia of bugs was his fault, you know typical V

So he decided to take solving your fear one step at a time

He took a bunch of photos of bugs and had you look at them

V gave you loads of encouragement and support and soon enough, you were able to look at the photos of bugs without fear

Although you still would never truly get over your fear of bugs, V’s help was the first step that you needed

[dontkyeom]

Monsta X: Beautiful in San Francisco - Fan Experience

ayooo i was asked to post about the monsta x concert i just went to (and also i want a record of what happened before i forget) so here it is!! under the cut are my pre, during, and post-show experiences/thoughts!!

pre-show

okay so my friend and i planned to get boba from boba guys and fries from super duper for dinner

me being me, i planned for us to meet at 5 so we had enough time to eat and digest for the show

i leave my house around 3:45 bc i was gonna bus over while my friend was gonna get dropped off at boba guys

in the end we ended up getting sharetea and meeting at super duper an hour later than when we were supposed to meet for the following reasons:

i got to the area before my friend

I WALKED THE WHOLE ASS TUNNEL BETWEEN DOWNTOWN AND CHINATOWN FOR NO REASON i was so heated omg

the line for boba guys was out the door and down the block so i was like girl… we gotta yeet

i left to get sharetea but my friend for some reason thought we were still gonna meet at boba guys so she had to walk down to the mall

she ended up getting lost and going to chinatown

meanwhile i was trying to find sharetea bc i didnt even know they had one in the mall

ended up ordering for both of us and agreeing to meet at super duper

also i saw some monbebes in the mall while i was waiting for my drinks hehe i peeped ur shirts

we got to the warfield at 7 when the doors were supposed to open and y’all the line was so long that it like wrapped around the block and the end was right by the entrance

i got gnarly cramps in both of my legs within five minutes of each other and they hurt like a damn bitch let me tell you

i felt really bad bc i like fell to the floor in the middle of the line and some of the people behind us were like omg are you okay and i was like yes pls just go around me i’ll be okay

and then the cramp went away and the people held our spots for us!! such kind people ily if you’re reading this

we got in right at 8 when the show was supposed to start (but they ended up starting later which im just assuming was so that everyone could get in)

during-show

y’all everyone kept screaming even tho the boys weren’t on stage yet and it hella freaked out my friend and i when we left to get water

we literally rushed back and my friend tripped up the stairs but it’s fine we made it back in time

anyway their energy is just off the charts like i was hyped as hell from beginning to end. they really know how to bring a crowd up and their stage presence is amazing. no awkward moments whatsoever and very smooth transitions from one stage to the next i was actually really impressed

and they said the bay had the realest energy and i was ready to NUT

my heart cried when they left a mic stand for hyungwon for ex girl, i really love how thoughtful the boys are when a member is missing. they take ohana to a new level it’s just endearing to see how much they truly care for one another

i would also like to have a moment of appreciation bc they didn’t say san fran at all?? i was lowkey expecting them to but they didn’t :’) (pls never say san fran it’s a big no from me)

wonho lowkey tried to throw chocolate to the upper balcony i saw him aiming a bit higher and i appreciate his effort so much

also as a former tech crew member in high school, a moment of appreciation for all the tech effects, they really added to the whole experience of the show and i thoroughly enjoyed the different effects and the timing of everything

appreciation for the stage hands who brought the bench on stage, i hope y’all heard me cheer for you bc i know what that’s like

also… i really loved seeing all the spike tape on the stage for whatever reason

anyway back to the boys

minhyuk jooheon kihyun and i.m came out and they asked us who was the most romantic (i said kihyun bc that boy was smooth as shit in that one video) and a lot of people said minhyuk so they made him do aegyo and OMFG MINHYUK’S AEGYO HAHAHAHA THAT SHIT WAS SO FUNNY all he said was “san francisco… oh my god” and then he kept repeating oh my god and OMG and he and jooheon were switching off and their voices were getting lower and i.m was like “yo this is not cute this is just weird” i got it on video if anyone wants to see it lmao

and then wonho and shownu came out like “…what kind of weird things were you guys talking about”

speaking of videos, all the videos i have of their songs are shaky af bc i was bopping at the same time but if anyone still wants to see them i can send a google drive link your way hehe

from zero was the cutest shit ever. im still really sad hyungwon couldnt make it but the sub did a great job in his place!!

i needa take a moment to just talk about wonho bc that man can go from cocky daddy to a total sweetie. like… he totally knows he’s a walking sex god (a small moment of silence for when kihyun just like pulled wonho’s jacket down to try to expose his arms during his intro) but then he’ll talk about how he tried to perform extra well to make up for hyungwon not being there and he’s trying to put on a better show and you can really tell how much he cares about us and ugh 

ALSO

WONHO IS SCULPTED BY THE GODS I WAS WAAAAAY UP IN THE UPPER BALCONY AND EVEN I COULD SEE HOW DEFINED HE IS SO PROPS TO HIM

i popped the FUCK off at the 24k magic cover oh my god y’all i love bruno and i got so excited when shownu minhyuk and i.m covered it, and it was so damn lit. like i was a lil bummed when i found out they werent gonna do the second verse bc it’s my fav part of the song but i.m’s rap was AMAZING and fit really well and oh my god don’t even get me started on the dance breaks omfffff

their outfits were cute as shit too

also appreciation for i.m’s voice. i just really like his voice im such a slut for deep voices ok this is why he’s my wrecker

jooheon and kihyun are just something else when they come together, i love what they’re able to offer to each other and able to create as a unit it’s just really cool to see :’)

also i must say… seeing jooheon’s deep ass dimples and kihyun’s nice ass cheekbones are such a blessing

OH AND THEIR AEGYO

THE AIR... POP SHIT BRUH I WAS DED

THE RED OUTFITS ARE SUCH A LOOK UGHHH

i almost cried when broken heart came on, such a beautiful song AND THEY LEFT A SPACE IN THE MIDDLE FOR HYUNGWON UGH MY HEART

blind, trespass, and rush were arguably the most hype songs of the night, like ive never went so hard in my life

also a moment to talk about shownu bc like… idk i’ve noticed he’s a lot more quiet than other leaders of idol groups so i wasn’t really sure what to expect but i gained so much respect for him?? he has great stage presence and is really well-spoken and charismatic damn gemini AND HE’S JUST SO TALENTED

omg there was this one part where wonho said “hyungwon actually made a recovery earlier than expected” and like the way he said it made it seem like hyungwon was gonna make a surprise appearance but nah

but it’s okay bc they all said they wanna come back to the bay asap and y’all can BET i’ll be there

i appreciated their english speaking, like during their intros and goodbyes it was heartwarming to see their efforts to communicate w us

surprisingly they didnt really talk much about how it was their 800 days?? idk i was kinda expecting them to address it but they didnt

omg their bows were adorable, they like held hands and moved across the stage in a line to bow to different parts of the venue it was so cute to watch

post-show

my friend and i waited in the merch line that moved pretty quickly actually?? but there were only stickers left and i thought it was more important for my friend to get something bc it was her first concert and she really wanted something to remember it by so i passed (also stickers were $25 what even)

but it’s cool bc she let me have a hyungwon sticker (and a cute lil logo bc there were two of them)!! theyre probably gonna live in my phone case bc i have a clear one so y’all BET im taking my mans everywhere w me

she really enjoyed herself which i was really happy to see!! being there for someone’s first concert is magical 10/10 would recommend

i also enjoyed myself in case i didnt make that clear lmao. despite the rough pre-concert experience, seeing those boys do their thing made everything worth it and i’m so glad i got to experience their first world tour :’) also ive never let loose to the extent that i did sober tonight so props to monsta x for bringing out my bay area hyphy lmaooo

i just wanna say thank you to monsta x for coming to sf, putting on a good show, and making us feel loved and appreciated. i was hella surprised when an sf show was announced considering most groups usually just go to LA, so thanks for giving the bay a chance and showing us such a fun time!!

and shoutout to the monbebes for being such a cute crowd. i loved seeing everyone waving their light sticks and arms and just having a good time, and cheering so hard for these talented and hardworking men

also seeing everyone come out of hi-touch all happy and smiley and starstruck was the cutest thing, so if you got to experience that i’m so happy for you and i hope you enjoyed seeing those boys up close!! would’ve done it myself but im an unemployed college kid so anything over $100 wasn’t an option for me

((another also, im v sorry to everyone behind me if my aggressive arm waving got in the way of your view i was enjoying myself way too much))

all in all, my first kpop concert was a huge success!! came in not knowing what to expect (it’s a bit different from the other shows/concerts ive been to in the past, but a good different!!), but still had a lit ass night :)

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x21 recap

(Aka the one where Sandstorm takes the NYO)

So it’s been like five days and I’m still screaming internally over how FREAKIN AMAZEBALLS this episode was. Tbh if I didn’t have to make sure I survive to see the finale, I probably would have died already. Like seriously, this show is 100% back to its old self, and with a VENGEANCE. Thank god for a guaranteed season three...

Anyhow, more screaming below the cut. 

Aaaahhh nooo my babies, please stop, I mean I know siblings are meant to fight but not like this!! And ughhhh he's really actually trying with the whole killing her thing but tbh I'm kinda proud that Jane still wins? Our girl is the Warrior Queen, no one can defeat her. Not even when she’s pulling her punches like she is now. And ugh she knocks him out just as the detail gets in there-- you seriously need to work on your response time, dudes, though I guess it's good you weren't any earlier or you would have probably shot Roman which would have been completely unacceptable. But ugh he's regained all his memories from this fight, and now knows everything she's done... ughhhhh my baby boy please just think things through, because she really truly loooooves youuuuu. I swear. Also wow his biceps look amazing in this shirt? Ugh but then Jane comes to see him in the now-spartan cell (I guess all his stuff went with him to the safehouse) and ugh she’s all cautious and worried and ughhhhh he literally hates her and no matter what she says he just thinks it's more lies-- and tbh I feel like between this and the whole Emma thing with Weller, Jane is going to be 100% honest for the rest of her life bc she's already experienced too much pain due to lies. But ughhh I don't think I'll ever get over how much Luke just nails Roman's anger and pain??? The prowly way he walks, the deadness in his eyes as he tells her that the more he remembers, the more he hates her?? And then just turns his back on her and ughhhhhh my poor babieeeeesss let me hug you bothhhhhhh. Surely Roman must think about things and realise she was genuine, though? Although I guess he feels kinda like Weller did when it was revealed Jane wasn't Taylor; that just because part of it was a lie, everything must have been. And ughhh my baby is so heartbroken and walks out into the corridor and ugh Weller is right there waiting for her. I bet he escorted her down there in the first place and ugh man I wish we'd gotten to see when he first got there and was briefed on what happened? Like how terrifying must it have been for him to get that call, to think that Jane had nearly been killed by the man that HE had sent home with her? And at the same time he would be devastated for her bc I bet she was literally in shock as she robotically explained what happened and he could already see how much this was going to destroy her. And so when she comes out, he's still hovering there, waiting-- like I guarantee he was ready to go in and pull her out if it all sounded like it was getting too much. And now he stares at her with his big sad eyes and tells her how sorry he is, and then she tells him it's his and Nas' fault, and for a moment he looks like he wants to argue, but he also understands that she needs somewhere to place some of her blame (because god knows she's already shouldering enough of it herself) and so he doesn't try to defend himself, bc he knows she's not wrong. If she needs to blame him, he'll let her. He’ll help her in any way he can. But when her voice breaks as she insists that Roman could still be useful, he knows he has to be tough, and tells her that Roman's dose is wearing off and he's reverting to who he was. He needs Jane to accept that now, before her hope slowly kills her. But ugh it must be slowly killing HIM to see her upset like that and yet not reach for her?? I feel like he was seriously about to do just that when his phone buzzed about Pellington. Ugh, they never get a damn moment alone...

Oohh Zapata has rocked up in the lab, and uh-oh, I bet she's about to embark on her little crusade to break Parker by breaking the rules. And then ooh Reade's there, awkwardly ducking in to say hi since they already saw him going past and he couldn't very well ignore them haha. And Patterson's so happy to see him and so supportive and then he tells them that he put in for a transfer??? What???? And oh god Zapata's face just drops and ugh it's clear he didn't mention this at all last night and nooooo all she asks is how long he'll be at the new position and the answer is FOREVER and ughhhhh she just looks like she just got sucker punched and nooooo Reade you can't gooo! We need the dream team together!!! 

Aaaahhhh Pellington is shutting down Jane's case (again), both the tattoos and Sandstorm-- and Weller looks like he's barely keeping himself in check, which explains why he looks to Jane to steady him, and okay firstly I love that she's actually in here too?? Like I thought this was going to be a meeting just between the Big Boys, but lbr Weller and Jane are kind of a package deal again nowadays haha. And then Pellington says they're going to put a public face to Sandstorm-- Shepherd, AND Roman. Which means that literally every law enforcement officer in the country will be hunting them both. Shit. And he seems undecided about what he's going to do with Jane-- hold on, so, what? You're going to ignore all she's done for the team and turn your back on her? Maybe throw her in jail? And ugh she doesn't even seem to care about her own precarious fate, she just tries to convince him not to turn on Roman, and then she literally starts shouting at him, making Weller panic a little bit bc honey please don't piss off the man who could have you thrown behind bars with the wave of his hand-- but it's kinda lucky (and also unlucky) that she does, bc when she tells Pellington that Roman's regaining his memories, that actually changes his mind. Which is great in that Roman won't be one of the targets of Sandstorm... but terrible bc Pellington now wants him to go to the CIA for 'acceleration of his recall'. Yeah, we all know what that means. And then Pellington is outta there and ughhhh Jane literally begs Weller to help Roman and ughhhh he knows there's nothing they can do and he is hurting for his wifey and wow these guys are having a really bad start to the day aren’t they

And then Zapata gives them one bright spot--- they have leverage on Parker. Devon's pregnant. Wait actually pregnant tho, or did Zapata make it up and then trick the others so that Parker would believe them? I love that all three of them go into the interrogation room and tag team him (I'm very much ignoring Weller's contribution bc it only reminds me of the whole Allie situation ugh), and ughhh Parker tries to brush it off but Jane convinces him and he tells them about the Sandstorm warehouse, but will only give them the exact location once Devon is safely on a plane to London. I can't tell if he's playing them or not?? And they all know it could be a trap but they've gotta try anyway, so when he gives them the address, Weller and Jane take a bunch of FBI dudes, leaving Zapata to keep interrogating Parker. And ugh as much as I enjoyed the 'let’s split up bc you're the only one I trust' thing last week, I really love seeing them enter side by side, guns up and ready. And ooooh here's the structure that Sandstorm has been building-- is it a replica of the NYO, a la Ocean's 11, like I suggested in a past recap?? Ughhhh it is! God this must be so weird for them and aaaahhh they realise it's a training ground (close, guys, but that’s not all it is) and that they're about to take down the real NYO and aaaahhhhh their signal is being jammed so they can't warn anyone. And then just as they're about to pull out to get back to the NYO, a sniper starts taking out their guys. Weller takes him down though bc remember he's Mr Crack-Shot, and Jane notices a weird red X on the floor in the fake-gym. What does it meaaaaan? 

Meanwhile back at the NYO, a couple of Sandstorm guys have already snuck in disguised as technicians and are doing something nefarious with the power grid. Reminds me of Weller in the prison... Not so fun when the tables are turned, eh? Anyway Reade's with Dr Sun, asking her to clear him psychologically so he can take the transfer. And you know what, she actually seems pretty on the ball right now? "Needing help doesn't preclude you from helping others" like daaaamn that's some wisdom right there. And it's definitely true in my own experience-- you know how many doctors I've met who have mental, emotional, or social issues of their own yet still give their all to help others?? And then ugh when she says that he can go, but he'll still be Edgar Reade when he gets there. And wow I am actually impressed rn? This is a rollercoaster in of itself lol

Ugh Jeller are racing back to the NYO and frantically trying to call anyone inside to warn them but it's all still jammed. Which means the attack has already begun. Weller calls the NYPD to mobilise them for help but argh it may already be too late.  And ugh Pellington walks into the lab to demand all the info they have on Shepherd/Sandstorm and hahaha I love that Patterson's first response is to question whether Weller knows about it, despite Pellington being HIS boss and being able to do whatever he wants regardless of how Weller feels about it. Lbr tho man, literally everyone in the NYO would follow Weller over you if it came down to it. And Patterson is belatedly like 'oh yeah you're actually the boss-boss' and so she’s gonna put it all on a hard drive for him-- but tells him it would actually be quicker if she did the data migration she'd already been planning, and all it would mean is that her servers would be stuck in boot mode for 30mins while it was happening. But then their conversation gets derailed by an official emergency alert, and Patterson brings up footage of the bullpen to see active shooters attacking people. Pellington gives the order for evacuation, and then says he'll join the armed response team and take out the shooters. Wow, I think this is the first time I've actually felt genuine respect for you, sir. Nice. Instead of evacuating, Zapata goes straight for the lab, because of course she does. She knows that that's where Patterson will still be, and she won't leave her girl. And then she sees a glitch in the videofeed, realising that it might have been tampered with-- just as Pellington and the strike force get out into the bullpen, which is completely normal and shooter-free. Awkwaaaard. But because the evacuation protocol was initialised, all the external doors were unlocked, now allowing Sandstorm to come in. And ughhh now it really is a showdown-- Pellington and the FBI vs Shepherd and Sandstorm, and for a moment there's just a bunch of shouting about 'you surrender/no you surrender' then some dumb guy knocks over a coffee cup and all hell breaks loose and everyone is shooting and ughhhh Paterson and Zapata are stuck there watching and Zapata is about to run out to help but Patterson won't let her bc it's literal suicide, and so she does the only thing she can and seals in the Sandstorm peeps. Ughhh. Pellington is crawling for his gun, and the rest of his team are dead or wounded. Shepherd calls him by his first name and tells him that that didn't need to happen-- and okay did these two know each other or something?? Like there was the way he called her 'Major-General' and now her using his first name?? And ugh she demands his access code and I'm actually super impressed that he still won't give in, just tells her she's under arrest, and wow this dude actually has way bigger balls than I gave him credit for? Don't tell me I'm about to start liking him just before he dies?? And ughhhh Patterson and Zapata are still there, stuck watching, as Shepherd kills their agents one by one and ugh the tears running down their faces and ughhhhh on one hand I know that Pellington's refusal means the death of his agents, but still... he's protecting thousands (if not millions) of lives by preventing anyone getting access. I feel like Weller would have done the same, though it would have destroyed him. Though if Shepherd had threatened Jane... then I don't know. Maybe he would have given in. Glad we don't have to find out. And ugh Pellington tells them all that this is how they-- the good guys-- win. By staying strong. By sacrificing themselves for the greater good. And then ughhh Briana stands, and tells her she knows Weller's code, and honestly I can't blame her. She's saving her own life, but also everyone else in the room-- friends, workmates. And I don't think she has quite the understanding of just what Shepherd could do with access to Patterson's lab. Who can really know what they themselves would do when faced with that choice? But ughh I actually feel really sad for Pellington, he knows that they have just failed so many civilians and he tried his best and now he's about to die. Dammit, man, how dare you make me respect you right before you die??? I guess I should also apologise now for always assuming you could be a Sandstorm mole... my bad. And ughhhh Patterson and Zapata are feeling so helpless bc Weller's code overrides Patterson's and now Sandstorm has free access to everywhere-- and is heading right for them. And ughhh I love that they know, they already know that they can't win, that they are just heading for death, but they fight anyway-- Zapata's immediate response is to get guns and go down in a hail of bullets, because of course it is. Patterson fights back in another way-- starting the database migration to slow Shepherd down, utilising one of the only tools they have. And then together, they go to the armoury, even knowing  that one of Shepherd's teams is on their way there right now. Sidenote: screw you, Borden, for giving these guys a full blueprint of this place. You traitorous asshole.

Ughhh Jane's biting her nails and Weller confirms that Sandstorm has the NYO-- maybe even for Phase 2. But the NYO is Weller's kingdom, and he knows it better than anyone. He knows that there's a sub-basement access tunnel from previous construction. He and Jane are gonna save their people or die trying. 

Well, Patterson's delaying tactic has worked, pissing Shepherd off. Also dude, it's 5% complete when she arrives, and Patterson said earlier that it would take about 30mins total to complete. To get to 5% would have taken about a minute and a half, which means that's how close behind Patterson and Zapata Shepherd was. Aaaargh. And now Parker's there, saying that 'Remi' and Weller took Devon to a blacksite. Mmmhmmm, way to cover your butt, Mr Slimy. And ugh Shepherd expected Weller and Jane to be there-- what if they had been?? What was her plan for them?? Nothing good, I’m sure. But haha he says that at least now they won't be a problem. Think again, bucko! Meanwhile Patterson's being problematic enough on her own. I'm so proud. But wait they have targets in four timezones?? What and where??? And so they're about to hunt her down (ugh stay away from my baby) when Parker finds Roman on the screen instead. Ugh, stay away from my other baby!  

Ugh my girls in the armoury with their vests and guns makes me simultaneously so proud and also want to sob. My babies are making their stand. And then the door opens and they nearly shoot the intruder-- but it's just Reade, here to stand with them and defend their home. Patterson explains that Shepherd's after the lab, realising that her computers have access to the Homeland Security servers. Which is very, very bad, for reasons I don't entirely understand but I'll take her word for it. And so she proposes going to the server room so she can try to divert auxiliary power and fry her computers before the migration completes, thus locking Shepherd out. Ugh, the sacrifices my baby is willing to make... those computers are HER babies. And ugh her talking about the chances of it succeeding: "80%... 75%... closer to 60 if I'm being honest." and ughh why must even the humour in this show be heartbreaking? But she doesn't wait for permission; she just goes and the others follow. Tbh without Weller (or Jane, the unofficial next in line) there, Patterson is now the team leader, regardless of actual hierarchy. Lbr, the other two would follow her anywhere.

Idk where Weller found this fire-stick thing but I'm happy he has it. They're breaking into the sub-basement now, and ughhh Jane is so worried about the team and what might have happened to them, and she's beating herself up about lying to Roman and causing him to be in that cell right now, completely vulnerable if Shepherd decides to punish him for his betrayal of her. And Weller tells her that she had to lie, because she knew what he was and was scared of what he'd do if he learned the truth. And he looks up at her as he says it, and hmmm this is interesting, bc Jane only ever lied to Roman bc Weller and Nas made her. She was going to tell him the truth. Now who else has she lied to recently that she only did it bc she was afraid? Ah yes. I remember. Well, good to know that Weller understands her choices and is making it clear to her that he forgives her for them. He needs her to hear it, because he knows that one or both of them could be dead within minutes. Ughhhh. And she worries that if Roman's turning back into Old Roman, then will the same happen to her? Will she turn back into Remi (her greatest fear?) and ugh he promises her that it won't happen and that they'll do everything they can to save Roman along with the others and ughhhh. They've broken into the sub-basement-- ew, it reminds me of Oscar's grimy dungeon-- and then suddenly they spot four Sandstorm guys, and ugh they communicate with hand signals and basically pincer-manoeuvre the dudes and take them out in about two seconds because they're badasses. And that would be great, except the dudes were there guarding a shit-ton of explosives (that's the technical term). Well I guess we know where some of that HMX went? And aaahhh Sandstorm is gonna take down the whole building. Well, shit.

Aaaahhh my lil warrior babies are defending their home by destroying their own servers from within, and ugh the lives of SO MANY people literally rest on their shoulders (specifically Patterson's) rn?? Like holy shit if she doesn't get a message through to the DHS, the other sites will have zero warning of the attacks about to take place. Also ugh I've mentioned before how Patterson is literally one of the most powerful people in the FBI, but this proves it-- with her computers, she possesses access to several other major agencies. Literally if she wanted to, she could cripple the entire country at any time. She could have done exactly what Shepherd is trying to do with just a couple of taps of her screen. And she's what, barely past thirty? Like okay I have a job where I have some small measure of power over life and death, but this kind of scale is HUGE. Patterson literally has the keys to the kingdom handed to her, and could be the world's biggest supervillain-- but instead she protects everyone to the best of her ability, even now, when it may very well lead to her death. No one will ever convince me that Agent Patterson of the New York Office of the FBI is not some kind of cult figure in the world of government agencies. I bet her name has even become a common term for absolutely owning something through skill and ingenuity: "I'm gonna pull a Patterson"/"I'm Patterson-ing this biatch". For real, Shepherd, you have no idea who you're up against...

Weller delicately disassembling the cover of the bomb detonator while Jane stands guard over him with a huge-ass gun is entirely my aesthetic. And then he explains how to disarm it-- I love that he knows this, our boy sure paid attention in class-- and when he tells her he'll need her to do it (because of his giant meat-paws, as Rich lovingly named them), she doesn't hesitate. And then ugh he talks her through it and I love that they're BOTH needed for this. Jane wouldn't have known what to do without him, and he couldn't have physically done it without her. They're two halves of a whole, the perfect partnership. And ugh I love that she trusts him to guide her and he trusts her to be able to do it. And ughhhh he compares it to playing Operation and she's all "Weller this is a terrible analogy I've never played that game" and he's all "c’mon honey you can do anything ilsym babe"* (*paraphrasing). No but actually he's so cute with how he reassures her, using humour to settle her, and ugh the little look she gives him like 'you're such a giant dork and god I love you for it'. But don't worry anyway Jane, I've never played Operation either, and I've assisted in actual operations without any issue. You got this.         

Aaand Shepherd's down with Roman. He's heard all the alarms-- I wonder what he thought was going on? I wonder if he was worried for Jane? But anyway he remembers everything, including Shepherd, and ugh she says that everything she's done she's done for love, and tbh that's true. Love of herself, and her own conviction that she is in the right and everyone else is wrong. Newsflash, lady. Pretty much every terrorist who ever lived thought they were the ones in the right. But ughhhh then she says one of the few things I will give her credit for being right about-- that Roman chose Jane over her. JANE, not Remi, because as she says, Remi is GONE. THANK YOU, psychopath lady. Remi ceased to exist the moment the zip coursed through her system, and lbr, that was likely what she intended all along. I don't know the particulars of how or why, but I firmly believe that by the time Phase 1 & 2 were being developed, Remi lost her faith in Sandstorm, and in herself. I'd like to think it had something to do with her surveillance of Weller, and I hope that someday we'll find out. But the fact remains that in the end, Remi was ready to give her life to the cause. Not to Shepherd's cause; to her own, which was to stop Shepherd and save not only her brother, but Kurt Weller, and the country itself. I strongly believe that if Asshole Oscar hadn't killed Markos, he would have been able to fulfill his side of her plan and tell her everything. Maybe if that had happened, though, Jane would have run off with him to stop Shepherd, and Weller and the team would have continued their lives without her ever being more than a blip in their existence. And regardless of all the bad that came along with her, I'm glad things happened the way they did. (Except the CIA part. Screw you, Keaton.) But anyway ughhhh Roman says he chose Jane bc she wasn't forcing him to choose. She gave him free will and agency, whereas Shepherd always tried to enforce her own agenda. You can see though from the fact that she offers for him to rejoin her, that she's desperate for that connection back, for someone she has a relationship with other than that of Commander and soldier. Family. Well guess what, lady, you could have had a loving family and lived a normal happy life, but instead you chose to be a mass murderer. Forgive me if I don't feel at all sorry for you, you human stain. 

Ughhh someone save me from Weller's whispered 'good, Jane' as she slowly pulls out the detonator pin. He can feel how tense she is (after all, she has both of their lives plus the lives of everyone in the building depending on the steadiness of her hands) and he reassures her, staying right there in front of her-- not crowding her, but reminding her that he's there with her-- and then ugh when she gets it out safely he gives her this approving grin and she lets out this huge breath and rests her head against the block of explosives and ugh these two are literally the cutest. Supportive hubby Weller is one of my fave Wellers tbh. But there's no time to rest-- he's certain there's more bombs, and Jane remembers the red X from the Sandstorm training replica. And ugh they don't even hesitate before throwing themselves straight back into danger to protect everyone and ugh I love them so much

I love how much it upsets Shepherd when she discovers that the sub-basement bomb is now offline. Take that, you evil cow! And then she sees Jane and Weller on the monitors, and it's like that's right biatch, you are being thwarted by your two former favourites. Not only will they never follow you, but they will beat you. And ugh she sends a team to kill them and Roman doesn't look at all comfortable with it. I wonder whether that's because he still loves his sister, or-- as has been suggested by others, including in @gypsyscarfwoman’s amazing fic-- that he feels like he owes a debt to Weller for what he did to Emma. Hopefully a bit of both?? 

Ughhhh back in the server room, Patterson knows that all her computers are now back online, and Zapata tells her to go ahead and surge the lab. And ughh she hesitates, and at first it seems like she's just having trouble facing the thought of killing her computers (her babies), and Reade impatiently tells her they'll get her new ones-- but that's not it. Surging the lab would effectively paint a target on their backs, bringing Sandstorm right to them. If she does it, she basically signs their death warrants. And if the bad guys come quickly, she may not get to complete the surge before they're all killed. And then ughhhhh just let me die bc Zapata looks at Reade and Reade looks at Zapata and then Reade tells Patterson that they'll buy her as much time as they can and Zapata looks at Patterson and gives her a little nod and tells her to start it and ughhhhhhh they know they're about to die and that was their goodbye to Patterson-- a 'we can't save ourselves but maybe we can help you save others' and ughhhhhh my baby manages not to break down and instead gets right down to it, further ruining Shepherd's day when she instantly recognises that Patterson is about to out-manoeuvre her. And ugh Parker's already leading a team their way as Reade and Zapata set up a barricade (Do you hear the people sing??) and ugh this might be their final minutes together and Zapata chooses to give him shit about ditching them for Quantico and basically telling him she does not at all approve haha. And ughhh even as she's giving him a hard time about it she's also reminding him what a good agent he is and ugh I love the love these two have for each otherrrrr

So Jane was right (as she so often is) and the other bomb is in the gym. I love their perfectly coordinated sweep of the room, and then Weller crouching to remove the outer cover of the bomb detonator for her while she checks behind the bomb for any sneaky baddies. Nice. And then he hands over the reins and moves to stand guard over her-- the stakes are higher on this one, since they're no longer in a secluded basement with the enemy team already dead. Right now, they're sitting ducks. Jane gets right to it, now a veteran at this, and Weller only glances over briefly to make sure she's going okay, confident that she can do it but ready to support her if she needs it. All is well-- until they hear the kill-team approaching and know that they're busted. Jane makes the split second decision, with Weller instantly following her orders as she tells him to go, to meet the bad dudes somewhere that is more even territory, tactically speaking, rather than as the proverbial fish in a barrel that they are now. And ugh right now she has her hand in the jaws of death and he's about to walk out into the same when he pauses and says her name, and for a moment they lock eyes and ughhhhh "Don't die."/"You too". And ugh that was so THEM? Like they each refuse to believe that this will be the last time they see each other, and they know that they'll both fight like hell to make sure it isn't, because they've barely even had a chance to start the life they're gonna have together and it sure ain't ending here. And then ugh Weller goes into Super Agent mode, taking out one of the Sandstorm dudes before they even know what hit them, then sprinting across the room and body-slamming two of them at once while shooting the other, only to grab one and use him as a shield before beating the crap out of another, then tackling another and wrestling his gun off of him just in time to kill the one who was about to kill Jane. And ugh poor Jane, she had to focus on steadily removing the detonator even as she could see everything that was happening, knowing that any one of the many gunshots could have found Weller, meaning not only that she would lose the man she loves, but that she'd be left alone and completely exposed. But she manages it, disarming the bomb and looking up at a panting Weller, who is da bomb, tbh. Take that, Shepherd! You sent five men to kill one, and he took them all down. Bam! Ugh and Jane's little 'thanks' is so cute, like omg could you two just freakin' dive into each other's arms already, you know you want to!! I mean, let's not pretend that that little 'don't die' wasn't just a shortened version of 'don't die because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I plan that life to be more like 50 years than just the next 5 minutes'?

~~Will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me? Beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see? Then join in the fight that will give you the right to be freeeeee....~~ Okay yes, I did have to pause my recapping to go listen to some Les Mis because of this. I'm just getting a lot of feels (and literal goosebumps) about these two and their sacrifice, okay?? And ugh Parker's team is on them and bullets are flying and they might be dead any second now and Zapata is still snarking about Quantico (while also crouching in tight jeans and heels wow #iconic), and he snarks back about writing her a recommendation letter and ugh I love these two and the fact they both know that the only way they can cope with this is with sass and ugh save me. And then Patterson fries the system and everything blacks out for a moment, and then the lights come back on they reveal all of the Sandstorm dudes are down. Wait, guys, wait! Havent you heard of a term called 'playing possum'?? I don't care if it seems dishonourable, please shoot the crap out of those bodies before you leave the safety of your barricade! And ughhhhhh they juuuust start to grin at each other, almost believing they really made it, when FREAKIN' SLIMY-ASS PARKER SHOOTS MY BEAUTIFUL BABY. HOW DARE YOU SIR, I ALWAYS SAID DEVON WAS FAR TOO GOOD FOR YOU. And ughhhhh the shock and rage on Reade's face as he fills him with bullets is so intense ughhh. And ugh my baby is only concerned about Reade even while she's bleeding and okay okay at best guess the shot looks like it got her in the shoulder? Which in reality could very easily be deadly but in TV land generally means you'll be just fine (let's not forget that both Jane and Patterson have been shot in the abdomen in the last few months and were in fighting form like 2 days later), so I'm not too worried. But ugh speaking of my other baby Patterson, she's all alone in the dark, frantically dialling DHS to warn them because she needs to save as many people as she can, all while having no idea whether Sandstorm has already killed Reade and Zapata or how much time she herself has left to live. Ughhhhh seriously can I hug her rn bc we both need it

Given that we know how pissed Shepherd gets when things don't go her way, I'm very suspicious of her 'meh' attitude towards her plans being ruined rn. What else does she have in store?? And ugh then she uncuffs Roman (keeping the cuffs tho which feels weird? Maybe she's just into recycling? Or souvenirs?) and then even offers him a gun?? And tells him that staying means being locked up alone in a cell for the rest of his life and noooooooo Roman she's wrong! Jane will fight for you! And ugh the first thing he does is aim the gun at her, and ugh SHOOT HER ROMAN. She doesn't love you, she doesn’t even deny it when you accused her of controlling you your whole life. And ugh she says that losing Remi was an inherent risk of the plan that they all accepted. Yeah, idk about that. I mean I totally believe Shepherd was willing, but I doubt Roman accepted it easily. As for Remi herself, well, I already said that I believe she went into it with the hope of coming out as someone new, hoping for the chance to finally become the person she should have been, instead of the one Shepherd warped her into. I think Jane's dream was wrong. I don't think, if her two selves could meet in a dream, that Remi would see Jane and try to kill her, to take back over. Instead, she would just look at her with tears in her eyes and whisper 'thank you'. And then she would look behind Jane, where dream-Weller and Dream-Roman are standing, and she would tell her to take care of them. And then she'd close her eyes and fade away, at peace at last. Because she'd spent her whole life as a prisoner of who she was, and it was only in letting herself be erased and replaced that she could finally be free at last. 

But anyhow that's speculation for another time. With her warning given, Patterson has raced out of the server room to find her friends, initially relieved and then panicked as she sees Reade crouching over Zapata. And ugh she races back to radio for help. And ugh she must just want to collapse in a sobbing heap when she hears Weller's voice and discovers that he and Jane are in the building. Mom and Dad are here. They'll fix everything. The kids have done their best, and now they get to hand over the responsibility to the grownups. And ugh speaking of family bonds, Roman steps out into the hall right in front of Jane and Weller, and she immediately drops her gun, looking as stunned to see him as he is to see her. And then he raises his gun and shoots right at them-- or does he?? Like yes, Weller immediately shoves Jane through a doorway and to safety, but how did Roman, trained sharpshooter, not hit them with either of the shots he got off before that?? Because he WASN'T AIMING FOR THEM. He aimed wide, just enough to look like he was trying to kill them, while actually sending them into cover before Shepherd could fire at them. He knew his side outnumbered theirs, and so did the only thing he could to protect them without having to turn on Shepherd and try to kill both her and her men. He and Shepherd flee into Borden's office while Weller and Jane take out the last of the Sandstorm guys, joined moments later by their own backup team (better late than never, guys, tho lbr these two badasses don’t really need you). And ugh she tells Weller that they won’t surrender, and the understanding passes between them that this will be shooting to kill. He locks his eyes with hers, and tells her to take Shepherd.Her unsteady breath and tiny 'thanks' kills me. He would never make her kill her own brother, and we all know that he's going to do whatever he can not to kill Roman either. And she's right there with him as they go in-- instead of sending the backup guys, they're both through the door first. But seriously dude that smoke is super dangerous for them, obscuring their vision in a way it wouldn't for Roman and Shepherd, meaning that they would be totally vulnerable to being shot before they even see their targets. But actually there’s none there to be seen; I assumed they escaped out the same air vents that Jane and Patterson crawled though in the lockdown ep, since Borden clearly knew about those from that time, but instead, the sneaky bastard had actually cut a hole through the wall behind a panel, pre-engineering their escape. Dammit, Borden, why you gotta keep hurting us even from beyond the grave? I definitely get how Patterson feels rn...

Ugh, the calm after the storm. Jane is standing near Weller-- I have a feeling they haven't been more than a couple of yards from each other since this whole thing happened, a subconscious connection of both protection and reassurance--  as he looks down at Pellington's body, and ugh they may have both had their issues with him, but they never wanted this. And then Patterson joins them like a timid puppy, telling them that Shepherd tried to attack six other buildings all over the country. Their efforts prevented four of them, but couldn't stop the other two-- but all civilians were evacuated in time and the law enforcement casualties were minimal. They're still shaken over it, naturally, but it's a better outcome than they could have hoped for. Jane looks almost near tears as she realises that they saved thousands of lives. And they did. But Weller's right; that's not what people will remember. People always look for someone to blame, and don’t necessarily always care if it's the right person. This poor team has been through hell today, and though they did save thousands, there were plenty of their own that they couldn't save. Lbr the bullpen is going to have a very 'Empty chairs at empty tables' vibe for a long time. 

Omgggggg. They're in the cell and Weller is fluffing the pillow and all I can think is BLUE SHIRT BLUE SHIRT BLUESHIRT BLUESHIRTBLUESHIRTBLUESHIRTTTTTTT. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. IT'S HAPPENING. And ugh Weller apologises that she can't go home-- everyone else can, because they're not in danger of being murdered by their mother or brother (well, as far as we know; maybe they have a complex family situation too). Tbh I feel like Weller is totally fine with her staying; this building is now a fortress, and there's probably nowhere safer for her to be. Plus, he's now kinda the big boss, and will no doubt be staying in his office (not forgetting he'd be a main target too), putting him only moments away if she needs him. And ugh now that they're out of the firefight and reality has settled in, she can't think of anything but how her family is responsible for all of this death and destruction, and how she herself played a role in bringing it about. Not to mention that Roman, one of the people she loves most in the world, turned on her, shot at her, and fled with Shepherd, choosing to be a terrorist rather than stay with her and fight for good. And that's where her real fear comes in-- what if the same will happen to her? What if she's just a time-bomb, ticking down to the moment when the zip wears off and Remi reawakens? What if one day she could suddenly lose all that she has become, could snap and turn on the team, on Kurt, and have no control over it? It's her Remi nightmare all over again, except this time she's faced with the possibility of it becoming reality. Ugh how awful must that be, to live with that potential death-sentence over your head? But ugh Weller won't let her think like that; he immediately reaches out, and ugh her voice hitches almost imperceptibly as his hand covers her knee and she fixes her eyes on his, needing to hear that it will all be okay, and he tells her that they aren't their families and she shudders and looks away and you can practically see the 'but what if I am?' that runs through her head, and he turns to her, voice more insistent as he tells her that he knows her heart (asdfghjkl of course he does, bc it's the match of his own; he knows her as well as he knows himself) and ughhhhh then let me die because he PUTS his HAND over her HEART. Just like she did with his all those months ago; it was her starting point, the symbol of her journey of becoming Jane, becoming the person she truly was. This is her. The tattooed FBI consultant who saves people on a daily basis and whose heart of gold belongs to Kurt Weller. That is who she is, not a cold and calculating terrorist who only wants to watch the world burn. "[Remi] is not who you are,' he tells her, and he's right. She's his Jane, and always will be. And ugh she holds his hand against her chest, head down and eyes closed, keeping him from pulling away, needing that reassurance. Needing that contact. And then she looks up at him almost pleadingly, like she's so desperate for him to be right, and so needing the reassurance of his touch, of his love. And he sees it, understands it, because he needs her too. And he never looks away as he shifts his hand to cup her jaw, and ugh the way her hand covers his and her tear-filled eyes find his and her chin trembles and okay it's super faint but I am so sure he shakes his head just a fraction and whispers 'it's not', and ugh I'm also convinced that he pressed his fingers just lightly against the back of her neck in like a tiny 'come here' gesture and she's barely fighting off the tears as she does, finally letting herself give in and believe that she can truly have him this time, that she can at last give him her heart completely. And ugh her hand lifts from his but falters, wanting to reach for him but unsure for a moment if this is just a comforting peck or if this is an everything-laid-bare, I'm-never-letting-go kind of kiss, and she soon realises it's the latter and curls her hand around the back of his neck as he buries his in her hair, the other gently gripping her arm, anchoring her to him, and ugh this is a kiss they could both happily live in forever; a real everything-out-in-the-open, no-more-hiding-or-pretending kiss, no more secrets, no more ghost-Taylor, just the two of them choosing each other. Just Kurt and Jane, finally kissing the person they're stupidly in love with. And god, part of me so hopes Patterson is still in her lab rn and happens to look at the video feeds just at the right time and is standing there with happy-tears in her eyes and her hands over her mouth to hold in her squeal, because the day had been full of fear and suffering and devastation and darkness and then there was this one tiny bright spark, this one beautiful and happy thing, and ugh I bet she mutters abuse at the secret service guys when they interrupt and is already anticipating the moment she visits Zapata later and gets to tell her about this because if anything makes her friend feel better, it'll be winning the bet that they've had going on since the other night in the bar and ughhhhh this is the first moment of sunshine through the clouds and the first time that she realises that maybe things might just be okay. And ugh back in the cell, Weller is super displeased about the Secret service interruption-- when they first arrive, he doesn't even seem to hear them straight away, bc for a split second when Jane pulls away he seems confused, grip tightening on her like he wants to pull her back in, and then he registers what was said and realises why she pulled back haha, and you can literally see him make a gesture like 'kind of in the middle of something here guys' lol. And then ugh when they say he needs to come with them, his body shifts, and as usual idc that their hands are out of shot, bc I am 100% certain that when he says 'I'm not leaving my people'-- meeting Jane's eyes as he says so-- he closes his hand over hers on her thigh, linking them like he's daring the agents to try to separate them. And then she tells him that he has to go and it's okay, and gives him this adorable little encouraging smile, and he gives a tiny huff like 'alright, wifey, but only because you said so' and ughhh he gets up and moves past her and their hands are still holding onto each other and he gives her fingers one last tiny squeeze before forcing himself to let go and ughhhh he walks out without looking back because he knows he has to go do his ~duty~ and if he looks back and sees her sitting alone on that bed he won't have the strength to leave. But his dedication to serving and protecting others is one of the things she loves about him and she would never want to stand in the way of that. Doesn't mean she won’t miss him like hell until he gets back, though.

Oh boy. Shepherd is all dressed up, medals and everything. I have to say she does look good in a beret. But hold on, this isn’t one of those situations where the person gets in their full military dress before killing themselves, right? Nope nevermind, she's making a video announcement. I'm intrigued by the two empty chairs beside her-- were they originally intended for Roman and Remi? Was this vid meant to be a family affair? And she claims responsibility for the attacks, blah-blahing about how the country is failing and needs to be rectified (look, I'm not necessarily arguing with that, but I sure disagree with her methods), and ugh as she talks we get little glimpses of Weller being taken somewhere unknown, while Patterson stands in the bullpen with tears running down her face, and Reade sits by Zapata's bedside, and Jane sees the R carved on the bed and grieves afresh for Roman. Ugh. Oh right, the empty chairs are for 'those we have lost and those who will take up the fight'-- so, they kinda are for Remi and Roman then. And apparently now is the dawn of a new America, and clearly Roman is as discomfited by this as the rest of us, because that definitely sounded like a victory speech. Given that she wants him to send it to the Times tomorrow, yet said 'Today's attacks', then clearly she has a lot more planned.... #shit

Aaand now Weller is being escorted into a mysterious bunker in a mountainside, having to surrender his gun and phone (noooo, how will you tell wifey you're okay??) as part of the Deputies' Committee protocols. And then we see the flashback to Briana getting him to sign those documents and well, nice work show. Way to plant that little seed early on haha. And now Weller's in the hands of the army, walking into... a giant, fancy conference room filled with official looking people. I love that Weller's focus isn’t on the guy addressing the group; it’s on the bunker doors sealing behind him, cutting him off from his team, and from Jane, for who knows how long. And he already knows that something about this is very, very wrong. And then he hears the words Continuity of Government Subcommittee-- COGS-- and sees the copy of the Truman protocol in his binder. Not to mention the fact that Keaton, Julia Chang of the CDC, and Agent Valentine of the DEA are all there, people who are all in place due to tattoo cases removing their superiors from power. And then he knows. Knows that THIS, the Truman protocol, is Phase 2. They are the new dawn of America, the new founding fathers (and mothers). Shepherd chose them all based on their leadership skills and morality, which is kind of a weird thing to think about when she is the exact type of thing that they will be protecting the country against. It's very ‘be the villain in order to become a hero’ kind of thing? But either way, literally everyone outside this bunker, including everyone Weller loves, is now in terrible mortal danger. And he has absolutely no way to stop it. #Checkmate

[yamatokasukawaca]

Yamato Kasukawa | The Significance of Living a Healthy And Balanced Way Of Living As a Family

The importance of living a healthy and balanced way of living for maintaining general good health as well as avoiding persistent diseases has been well developed. A healthy lifestyle is rather straightforward to attain - one does not require to do anything "crazy" to embrace a healthy way of life. I will say that a certain amount of independent thinking is required to divide fact from fiction in many modern health and wellness advice presently being delivered.

  The most vital point you can do is consume well. Stay clear of contaminants in your food as much as possible as well as eat plenty of fresh fruit, veggies as well as entire grains; workout reasonably a couple of times each week; stay clear of smoking cigarettes, consisting of used smoke; as well as stay clear of gaining excessive weight (which must come naturally if you consume right as well as workout). While it is not constantly possible to consume all Organic food - the EWG recommends 12 fruits and vegetables that ought to be organic because of their greater levels of chemical deposit. Staying clear of environmental toxic substances as high as you can is an important part of achieving a healthy and balanced lifestyle.

  Our modern way of life is extremely convenient - yet it can additionally be exceptionally undesirable. The majority of us eat way too many refined foods and also too few fruit and veggies; we hardly ever workout; and also when we establish chronic conditions such as diabetes mellitus, we count on traditional drugs to make us feel better - but these drugs typically have disastrous adverse effects. Rather than accepting the importance of living a healthy way of life for us as well as for future generations, we proceed with our poor practices - then take powerful, hazardous medication to treat our unpreventable symptoms.

  Certainly, not all elements of living a healthy and balanced lifestyle remain in our control. We are going to be revealed to certain environmental contaminants whether we like it or not. Yet a lot of these variables are definitely in our control. Whenever we can, we should be accountable and make the ideal options.

  This is why it is so important to be sure you eat well as the crucial consider attaining a healthy and balanced WAY OF LIVING.

  I say "lifestyle" due to the fact that what I recognize is that "eating well" can sometimes be something an individual finishes with bitterness since they feel "sacrifice" is called for to embrace a healthy and balanced way of life.

  I bear in mind when individuals who ate bad foods used to joke with me as well as claim I was not really living since I chose not to eat pizza and beverage beer - as well as I constantly responded "just how much LIVING can you do when your body is recuperating from what you place in it?

Yamato Kasukawa

Shifting from an Unhealthy to a Healthy And Balanced Way of living

  The factor I talk about the healthy way of life suggestion of simply EATING WELL on my blog is since it has actually been so effective for my wellness.

  It was not always similar to this though. I bear in mind when I was addicted to a delicious chocolate bar daily as well as I constantly had migraines or an infection or ailment of some kind.

  Along with excessive sugar desires (consuming a chocolate bar daily) I likewise dealt with lots of harmful symptoms that were challenging to settle with traditional medication: Constant headaches, Skin troubles (ie. eczema, acne, hives, Bloating, Gas, Bad Breath, Weak or breakable hair as well as nails, Fatigue and also lethargy, Extreme stress, Candida fungus overgrowth, Yeast infections, Food or Environmental Allergies, Stress and anxiety or anxiety, Diarrhea, Irregular bowel movements, Amnesia, Mood swings, Regular colds or infections, PMS or bad menstruation aches, Bladder infection, Loss of sex drive ... etc

  . Ughhh! No fun at all!

  Years later, I LOVE excellent food and I am hardly ever unwell. Eating well is the excellent means to get in tune with your body as well as actually return to essentials of what your body needs. It tests you to give up the vices that you consider granted, damage your habit forming consuming behaviors and also begin once more from the beginning. Eating well is a healthy way of life choice that provides you quality on what your body truly needs, not craves and comes to be the foundation for all other healthy and balanced way of life options.

  An essential thing to bear in mind with eating well is to really examine your origin ideology for adjusting healthier foods into your way of living.

  This is SO IMPORTANT!

  If it's merely to loose a couple of extra pounds - I personally really feel that this is insufficient of a motivator and you will certainly establish on your own up for "failure" nonetheless, if you choose to eat well to enjoy a better quality of life, to do things you have refrained in years and also to not get ill any longer, then this is a wonderful incentive that will likely last!

  So, obtaining actually sensible, consuming well certainly involves making a couple of modifications to the foods you prepare and also enjoy.

  I constantly listen to my body when I consume. I do not calorie matter, determine my clenched fist, usage ratio's or anything that creates me to divide myself form the food I eat.

  The major factor I enjoy excellent health and wellness is since I am vital of what I consume - I choose to eat REAL food.

  As a result of this, I do not require costly supplements or difficult programs to maintain my weight.

  Delicious menus of real, entire foods enable me to take pleasure in things so many diet plan strategies alert against.

  This seems basic enough, yet what I have actually found out is that many people simply do not know what a healthy and balanced way of living consists of, particularly when it comes to food!

  I attempt to maintain things as basic as feasible. I go shopping from the perimeter of the grocery store, consume mostly wild and totally free variety poultry, really little meat as well as mostly raw organic fruits and vegetables, with beans and rice. It's not sensible to provide everything I eat right here, however feel free to see my blog as well as download your FREE Healthy and balanced Grocery List while you are here!

  The Future Depends on our Health and wellness Living a healthy and balanced way of life, free as much as possible of contaminants (in our environment and in our food) and of stress and anxiety, is essential to us - however it's additionally important for future generations. Researchers are also currently uncovering the impact nourishment carries our DNA! Healthy trees bear healthy and balanced fruit. A continued way of living of illness will have a long-term effect on future generations as well as on our planet.

  The outcomes of years of living an unhealthy way of living are evident. We are presently faced with a sharp increase in persistent health problems such as diabetes and also heart problem, with an excessive weight price so high it's taken into consideration an epidemic, as well as with growing prices of inability to conceive. The number of youngsters detected with autism, Asperger's disorder or ADHD is amazingly high.

  We need to additionally bear in mind that our youngsters meticulously enjoy us and also replicate us. If they see us act properly currently, they will likely adopt a similar method of looking after themselves and also of the earth when they become adults.

  We need to each ask ourselves if we are modeling the relevance of a healthy and balanced way of living to our kids. If we do not show them exactly how to take care of themselves, they will likely resort to the food companies instead. How will they know the distinction between genuine food, "food like" substances?

  I keep about 6 - 8 great cookbooks accessible. From these publications, I produce straightforward meal intends that I turn monthly based upon about 15 simple dish suggestions.

  In addition to consuming Delicious Food (that is real and also healthy and balanced!) I recommend the complying with ways to assist model a positive strategy to food in our children:.

  Little ones especially discover the world through replica. Just how do you feel each day as you prepare your family's meals? Are you rushed, aggravated, and also disconnected? We can show our children that consuming healthy and balanced is very important incidentally we approach our dish times. If we more than happy and also participated in making a meal, and after that enjoy eating with each other we verify that food is greater than something to fill the hole but is a required component of a satisfied and healthy and balanced family life. In other words, your youngsters will imitate what they see so ensure you are putting a favorable worth around the tasks involving healthy and balanced living.

Entail your kids in dish preparation, also one or two times a week. By talking about how excellent certain foods taste and also by letting them aid you prepare you will reveal that it is very important to make the effort to prepare a healthier meal instead of tossing something in the microwave. You never ever recognize, you might inspire a future cook!

Make a plan to eat together as a family as frequently as feasible. By each decision you make to eat with each other, you are casting a valuation on the significance of healthy living which it entails more than simply eating a few even more vegetables.

We can and must make an initiative to alter our behaviors and also approve the relevance of living a healthy way of living. If culture will not make changes, then we as individuals need to make them. After all, if we leave our wellness to someone else think what they have planned for you? Not much.

  I have absolute self-confidence that you can make the button to living a healthy and balanced lifestyle and removing the nuisance signs that result from a body that is overloaded with toxins from our North American way of living. I was able to do this by following easy strategies, cooking from informative publications that assisted me change my way of life over and enjoying life!

[blooblooded]

3500 words of BG doing nothing

This could have been way longer but I wanted to finish it up during my night shift so I’m saying it’s done. Ignore any plot set up this is literally Team BG doing nothing.

Nightmare Squad is so lame and awkward compared to Death Squad. Like. They kind of suck when they aren’t being deployed for their specific flavor of terror types of missions....also BG sucks as a leader and one of his big flaws I think is that he overlooks people doing bad things just because he is close to them (Silas, Lady). Also he is brainwashed and {Kip Voice} kind of a fascist. 

They all kind of suck except for Bizo.

#######

Stakeouts were the best kind of mission. Everyone wanted to be assigned to them. They provided copious amounts of free time out in the city. They allowed agents briefly to feel like they had normal lives if the mission involved hiding in someone’s apartment or going undercover. They were also very rare-- usually assassinations and secret executions could be carried out by a squad quickly over a single shift. Anything that could not be done in this fashion meant that the intended victim was weary prey that was difficult to track as well as dangerous, even for the secret police. Because of this, stakeouts were more rare than the usual ops and were only assigned to Elites.

Team BG was made up of Elites. However, they did not have a good kill record, even compared to Team Smiles, which was always held back by containing a B-Class and C-Class agent. Bubblegum’s squad just..ill-suited for physical combat. Their main purpose was basic counterintelligence and causing terror. There was a reason other agents referred to the group as “Nightmare Squad”. BG’s primary skill was agility, and quickly getting to places others could not. Lady was terrible in the field, on account of her being psychicly unstable and unable to take even a single punch. Bizo could fight, but she was better suited to demolitions. And Echo was the best physical fighter out of all of them but they were so moody that sometimes they didn’t want to act as part of the team.

It was all very hopeless, which was why the Directors rarely assigned them all to the field at the same time. Until BG realized that Team Smiles was getting more field missions and kills than they were and had petitioned to be assigned more Elite Missions. It had taken a while, and it had taken some arguing with the Handlers on duty.

It had also taken some convincing to get Echo to stop bitching about having to be outside of the dorms for an entire weekend. They were worried about not having access to a shower or soap or many of the other items that their vanity necessitated.

“Bro, chill,” BG told them as the squad prepared to infiltrate the apartment building that their target lived in. “Civies have showers and shit, and also you’re not gonna die if you don’t shower for a couple of days.”

-You have no way of knowing that- Echo fingerspelled crossly. They were standing next to him, hunched over with their arms crossed. Echo’s uniform was tailored better than everyone else’s. Black tactical gear and black boots. They were wearing their helmet unlike everybody else, but had the tinted glass visor propped open so that their hollow gray-blue eyes could be seen. Also unlike everyone else on the squad, they carried a firearm: a light rifle that they kept strapped across their back. -Just because you have awful hygiene doesn’t mean the rest of us are like that--.

“Ughhh!” BG rolled his eyes.

“Are you guys fighting?” asked Bizo. Her specially made, acid-proof uniform made her look dumpy. Even though the squad had only been waiting outside of the apartment building for 15 minutes, she was already bored and sitting down. By her side was a creature about the size of a cat, that was made entirely of black slime and unnatural wiry hair that looked like spider-legs. She was also bored and had all 2 dozen of her eyes closed. Zoey brought this creature, Dot, on all of the missions she went on. She-- and the rest of the squad-- didn’t want to risk another agent stumbling across her and exterminating it. “This is supposed to be a fun mission…” Zoey was not wearing a helmet. She never did. Her greasy brown hair, so different than everyone else’s shaved heads, sweetly framed her round face.

“We’re not fighting!”

It was 8pm on a Friday night and they were still standing on a rooftop across from the apartment building they were about to break into and make themselves at home inside. The 14 story apartment building in question was built in the Brutalist fashion that so many buildings in the lower level residential areas were. BG didn’t know much about architecture, but he knew that this style was ugly, cold, and associated with poverty. He also knew that this was the kind of building he lost his left arm to when he had clipped into one 5 years ago.

That was the kind of thing he couldn’t focus on. It made him feel phantom pains, and he massaged the skin of his shoulder where his metal prosthetic was bolted to. He shook himself.

Beside him, Lady was standing with her eyes closed as she focused on the 11th floor of the building. When she determined that the coast was clear, BG would simply teleport them all one-by-one into the room they were going to hide out in. Lady was a powerful psychic but an unfortunate telepath. Her skills were grounded in causing pain and accessing trauma memories, not reading thoughts as they happened. Her thin black brows were furrowed in concentration. In the past week, Lady had grown more decidedly frail. They had her working overtime up in the re-education rooms after losing another Elite psychic. Hopefully she was up for the job.

BG wanted to ask Lady how much longer she thought it was going to be, but didn’t want to distract her. He turned to Echo and tried to touch their firearm. They swatted him away. This continued for the next 2 minutes.

Finally, Lady opened her eyes. She swayed for a second and BG swerved to lend her his support. He was the only one she ever let touch her. She held onto his flesh arm. “Clear,” she said. She was breathing heavily. BG had wanted to ask her what was going on for a long time but at this point in their...friendship, he knew better than that. “There’s nobody in there and everyone on that floor is too far away or too occupied to hear the noise if you miscalculate and bang into a table or something. Next door neighbor just started a shower. You might want to hurry.”

-It took you that long to figure that out? Really? What’s wrong with you?- Echo fingerspelled before BG could slap their hands down.

Lady inhaled sharply, her lips pulled back from her teeth. The next moment, Echo made a terrible noise of pain and fear, their eyes went glassy, their face blank. It was the same face BG saw all the time on C-class agents who were trying not to let something truly nauseating make them feel bad. Echo made another frightened noise. BG had to quickly look away from his friend.

Other squads had a no-tolerance policy when it came to psychics hurting their own team-mates. Or at least, Smiles had a no tolerance policy. But BG didn’t want to do that to Lady, she didn’t have any other way of defending herself.

And she had been his partner first.

“Ok,” said BG. “Alley-Oop! Let’s get going, guys! Lady, you first.” He wanted to get her away from Echo, just in case she was still hurting them. He easily put his flesh arm around her waist. Lady was so thin. He could feel her bones pressing into him and it made him hold onto her tighter. She put both her arms around his neck. “Deep breath!”

The first time teleporting into an unknown area was always the hardest. There were too many variables like furniture that BG was unable to visualize, and it was common for him to knock into tables and chairs. His spatial awareness when it came to things like walls was supernaturally good-- unless he was stressed or otherwise impaired.

BG closed his eyes, concentrated on his spatial understanding of the blueprints he had studied prior to the mission, and then released his energy.

In less than half a heartbeat, he and Lady were inside room 113 on the 11th floor of the apartment building. They appeared right over an unaccounted for coffee table in the living room and tumbled over it with a loud crash. The two of them landed heavily, with BG mashing Lady into the floor.

“Sorry,” said BG. He bounded to his feet, unhurt, then helped Lady up. She winced like she had bruised something. BG helped her to the couch. “You good?” He started to move the coffee table out of the way for his next trip.

Lady sat down gingerly. “I guess,” she said bitterly. She looked very angry.

“You sure?”

“I said I’m fine.” She drew her dainty feet up onto the couch and wrapped her arms around her legs.

BG shrugged. “Ok,” he said. “I’ll be back in a jiffy” And he teleported back out to the rooftop where the others were waiting.

The first thing he saw when he got there was Bizo standing close to Echo and whispering to them. She had her back turned to BG and didn’t see him when he appeared. Dot was awake and wrapped herself around Echo’s boot, purring softly. Zoey had taken one of Echo’s slender, long-fingered hands into her own chubby one. It took a monstrous amount of effort for her to ever touch someone without burning them on accident with the chemicals on her skin. BG could count the number of times she had touched him. She must...really have wanted to comfort Echo for some reason.

It wasn’t like Echo had ever had to go through really horrible shit like some other agents. They were A-Class and had a cushy position. What could Lady find in their memories that could possibly hurt them that bad?

He cleared his throat. Zoey jumped. Echo pulled their hand back quickly.

“You ready, Zoey?” he asked, purposefully not looking at Echo because he didn’t want to embarrass them.

Bizo bent down to grab Dot and then shuffled over to BG. He put his metal arm around her. It was specially made to not corrode if it accidentally touched her. Dot oozed out of Bizo’s grip and up his arm, making snuffling sounds. Some of her gelatinous body seeped into the cracks of his metal joints and moved around. “Is this a bad jump?” she asked. Out of the whole crew, she was the only one who still occasionally threw up when he teleported her too far. It was hard on the human body to be spatially disrupted like that.

“It’s not bad. There’s a trash can in the living room too.”

Zoey nodded and squeezed her eyes closed.

This jump was perfectly smooth. They both landed on their feet in the middle of the living room. “Urgh,” said Bizo. She wobbled to the floor. Dot followed her and lost all her shape until she looked like a black puddle.

“You good?” he asked, for the second time in five minutes.

“Urghhh,” said Bizo, who had her eyes closed tightly. The black puddle beside her bubbled.

BG took that as a yes. He briefly looked at Lady, who had not yet uncurled herself from the couch. She seemed good too.

He teleported to the roof for a final time. Echo stood out there by themselves. Their eyes were still glassy, like they weren’t really seeing the world around them.

“Hey,” said BG. “Are you ok?”

Echo didn’t answer him.

BG walked up to them awkwardly. “Dude, seriously, are you ok? Your face is freaking me out right now, you look like Smiles does right before he goes crazy and tries to kill people, like all blank and shit. What did she make you see?”

Again, Echo didn’t answer him. But they blinked and their expression began to focus again. They looked at BG, their Primary and best friend, and swallowed hard. And then they put one arm out, in the same way everybody did when BG was about to teleport them somewhere. Operating under this assumption, BG walked up and put his flesh arm around Echo’s thin waist, but was caught off guard when Echo embraced him. For a second he froze, uncomfortable with this sudden display of intimacy. Echo was not usually the type of person who went for hugs. After a short hesitation, he hugged them back.

The hug lasted for a long time. Finally BG stood back. Echo looked like they still wanted to be touching. But they were both wasting time.

“Ok man,” said BG. “Enough of that shit, just know I’m here for you and all that junk.”

Echo nodded.

“Like, I’ll always be here for you bro. I mean, just because I have to make hard calls for the whole squad doesn’t mean I’m not specifically caring about you too.”

Echo nodded again. They still looked a bit sad.

And BG grabbed hold of them for a second time, held them as tightly as he could. Echo held onto him with both arms. BG took a deep breath and then teleported for the final time that weekend, determined to make it a good one for his friend.

######

The first thing that BG did when all 4 of them were settled into the apartment was go for the fridge.

The rations that they got at the cafeteria were nutritionally dense but bland. Any treats agents could buy at the commissary were very much the same. Unlike the rest of his squad, BG had access to snacks that were otherwise contraband— always gum and candy— because of his closeness to the Executive Director, the strange but wonderful woman who spent her time hidden behind computer screens at the very top of the Capitol Building. But civie food? He could only remember eating it a few times.

He grabbed a carton of something called strawberry almond milk. BG knew he liked strawberries, since he liked that flavor of candy. He wasn’t so sure about almonds. He had only a basic idea of what an almond was. He opened the carton and gulped some of it down. Very cold and sweet.

“Hey,” he said.

Everyone looked at him. Lady still hadn’t moved from the couch. She looked like she was curling in on herself. When she looked up at him, BG caught a flash of the bored buzzing malevolence she viewed others with. Bizo sat cross legged on the floor, still jump-sick. Dot was on top of her head, chewing a big strand of her hair. Bizo and Dot were so wide-eyes. Echo had slouched their awkward body into an armchair in a way that looked uncomfortable. They sullenly played with their rifle, pretending to work.

BG cared about all of them very much, but in that moment, he felt stupid and didn’t know what to say. All he could do was stare at them while holding the milk carton.

“You have a pink mustache,” Bizo said, helpfully.

BG wiped it away with his metal fingers. “Guys, let’s totally have a good time on this op,” he said. He gestured at the fridge behind him. “Let’s have fun. Let’s eat!”

“We have rations for the weekend,” said Lady. She unfolded herself from the tight knot she was in like a spider unfurling its legs. “We can’t just eat out of someone’s fridge.”

Bizo was already on board. She popped up so quickly that Dot fell off her head and landed on the floor with a splat. Shuffling up to the fridge, she said, “Yeah but we’re gonna kill the people who live here, we can do whatever we want to their stuff and nobody will even know or care!” Then she paused and looked around the apartment. She took in all the nice things and the luxuries they weren’t afforded at home. She looked at BG with realization on her flat, dull face. “We can pretend we live here. Like normal civilians.”

Like playing house. BG hadn’t thought about that. He just wanted to party, and unlike Bizo, he had no fantasies about civilian life. He liked working for the Agency. But since this idea made her happy, it made him happy.

“That’s boring,” Lady said flatly. Chances were, if she was ‘bored’ for too long, she would resort to entertaining herself by doing something terrible to Echo or Zoey. That needed to be avoided.

BG and Bizo started to paw through the rest of the fridge together. There wasn’t much fresh produce, but lots of pre-made or frozen food. Ingredients the two of them had never heard of. Salad dressing? Relish? Chicken livers? This was what normal people ate? Bizo took an olive out of a jar, put it in her mouth, then immediately spit it back out. On the floor, Dot snorkeled it up and mimicked human laughter.

“Ok,” said Bizo, after the horror of tasting an olive had worn off. “What should we have? We can eat a big breakfast after we sleep?”

BG picked up a can of whipped cream and considered its mechanics. “I’m not that hungry in the morning.”

“What about noon?”

“That’s better.” He figured out how to work the whipped cream can and sprayed it into his mouth. Echo was glaring daggers at him. “We can all pick out what we want and shit and get settled for this op. Targets have a pattern of not coming back until Monday, so we have some time to kill.” He sprayed whipped cream into Bizo’s mouth, then on top of Dot’s body. The little creature created a mouth on top of her back to slurp it up.

Although it was early, hr figured they needed to get some sleep. Despite playing house, this was still a mission.

“Lady, you get first watch,” he said. “Echo, you get second. Me and Zoey will switch off tomorrow night.”

The targets’ apartment was small. The living room opened up into a kitchen without a wall to divide it. To one side was the bedroom, which had a bathroom connected to it. Sparse living for civilians, but extravagant for BG and his team. Here there were couches and a tv and pictures and all sorts of treasures. There were all kinds of things to do and see. All while waiting to kill a couple of criminals in their own home.

This was what Team Smiles did all the time. No wonder they were so unruly. They had too much freedom…

And it was nice.

##

All 4 of them crowded into the bathroom to get ready for bed, They had only brought the necessary toiletries-- toothbrushes and deodorant. But like any people in their late teens and early 20’s, they were interested in looking nice, so their targets’ bathroom became a treasure trove of luxury.

Lady washed her face, then took a bottle of expensive looking moisturizer out of the medicine cabinet and smeared it all over herself. She stared at her reflection in the mirror with her big black eyes as if trying to recognize the person looking back. She touched her own face and watched her reflection do the same.

Echo clearly wanted to take a shower, but couldn’t since Bizo was already making herself an unmeltable sleeping space in the bathtub. Instead, they just brushed their teeth and rifled through the medical cabinet. They pulled out an old prescription bottle and rattled it, showing it to BG. It was made out to the female target; antidepressant pills.

BG didn’t have much of a bedtime ritual. He ruffled his hair and thought about shaving it but it was too late. He just wanted to go to sleep and was thinking about what a real bed with nice blankets would feel like. He stripped down to his boxers, since that was all he wore to bed. Lady must have been annoyed by his jostling, because she pinched some of his pudge. BG jabbed her in the ribs. This nearly caused an all out scuffle because he probably jabbed her harder than he should have, but he teleported away before Lady could get him.

He teleported right into the bed.

BG saw clouds in the sky whenever he made his forays into the outside. Laying in this bed was what he imagined sitting on a cloud felt like. He snuggled his chunky body into it and pulled the covers up to his chin.

Why were the beds in the dorms so spartan and uncomfortable, he wondered, if there were beds that felt like this?

BG closed his eyes. He heard the quiet padding of Lady’s feet as she made her way to the living room to keep watch. Probably to stare out the window for 6 hours without blinking. When he heard Echo’s familiar footsteps (always distinct because their feet were clammy and made weird sounds on the floor)  he opened his eyes again.

Unlike him, Echo liked to be covered up when they slept. They had their leggings and baggy grey shirt on. So cute. So grumpy, as usual.

“Bizo tucked in?” he asked them.

Echo nodded. Even though they would never admit it, they cared about Bizo like a sibling would and would go to great effort to make sure she was ok. People bullied Bizo a lot and made fun of her. It infuriated Echo. One time they nearly tried to fight the abnormal type agent, Pete, after seeing her pretend to be nice to Bizo while making jokes about her that went over her head. Both Lady and BG had stepped in on that one.

BG patted the bed beside him. “Snuggle up, bro, you get a couple of hours of sleep before you have to be on watch at 0200.”

Echo sneered. -I’ll sleep on the floor-

“You can’t be pissy forever, dude, and this bed is hella comfortable.”

Echo made a point of laying down on the floor without a pillow or a blanket. They just sort of stiffly curled up on the rug. BG grabbed a throw blanket off the end of the bed and a pillow. He jumped out of the bed, put the blanket over them and dropped the pillow on top of their head, then teleported back to his cozy nest before he got cold. He watched them situate themself under the blanket.

“You’re like, difficult on purpose, you know that?” he told them.

They didn’t answer, except for an irritated sigh.

BG shook his head, then closed his eyes himself and quickly drifted off to sleep.

#

BG slept in longer than the rest of the squad. He opened his eyes and then started, teleporting out of bed in a fright. For a brief moment, he had forgotten where he was. This was not the stark dormitory he loved! But by the time his feet touched the carpet, he remembered and relaxed.

He could hear Bizo chattering out in the living room. In the bathroom, the shower was on. BG stretched. He rolled the ball joints in his prosthesis. He had grown in the last year and needed a new one. By his estimates, he was only 18, and would need several more by the time...by the time...well, he didn’t want to think about that! Nope! Too fucked up!.

Lady, Bizo, and Echo were all a couple years older than him. He really, really didn’t want to think about what he would have to see happen to them eventually. That was extra turbo-fucked up.

Usually in the morning, BG did calisthenics, but he wandered out to the living room instead. Lady and Bizo were sitting at the small kitchen table with an assortment of food in front of them. Bizo had poured cereal into a mug and was eating it with her fingers. Lady held a jar of pickled eggs in her lap and ate one on the end of a fork. Both had mugs filled with coffee. He stood and looked at them. For a second, they didn’t notice him.

“And then in my dream,” Bizo was saying, “I was very small and I was in that rec-room that smells like pee, and I was trying to lift a weight that was bigger than I was.” And as she spoke, Lady just nodded along blankly, appearing to be listening.

He cleared his throat. Bizo jumped. Lady flushed as if she had been caught doing something wrong.

“Did you guys sleep good?” he asked.

“I love bath-tubs,” said Bizo. “I don’t have to worry about getting slime on the bed…”

Zoey’s ability was kind of grody.

“I stayed up all night and talked to Echo,” said Lady.  BG grimaced. He knew what that meant. She was still getting in their head, after he had specifically hoped that she wouldn’t. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it…

He knew that his biggest flaw as a Primary was his inability to keep his Subordinates in check. He liked them all too much to ever reprimand them, it would feel too weird. He just wasn’t as….Bossy as Smiles or Creedo or Crossfire, who would snap at their underlings immediately, but were somehow able to keep any messed up inner-team bullying from within their ranks.

“I slept so hard,” he said. BG crossed the small room and sat down at the table. He took Lady’s mug of coffee and drank it. It was much better than what they got in the caf. Probably had caffeine in it too, which he realized as his heart began to pump faster. “I didn’t even know where I was when I got up. What’s with that?”

Lady put a whole pickled egg in her mouth.

On the floor, Dot was lapping up crumbs. She oozed over to BG’s bare foot and licked it gently. He kept drinking the coffee and jittered his leg.

One of the girls had turned the TV on. In the dorms, there were only TVs in the terrible common rooms, and they only played carefully moderated government news channels. This one had one of the big pop-news channels on. BG turned his head to watch it.

“There’s no more information on the terrorists who hijacked the truck that breached the wall earlier this week,” said a perky Artificial newscaster. “And since there’s no official footage, you’ll have to come to your own conclusion about what happened! Remember, it’s dangerous out there in the wilds! Anyone who goes out there, well, I guess they have nothing to lose!”

“Weren’t those the people who wasted Smiles and got away?” BG asked.

“He got sent up to see me after that day,” said Lady. She hummed to herself and smiled in a way that was almost sickening and made BG keep his eyes on the TV.

The TV rain to a commercial for chicken nuggets. All three of them watched, entranced. Chicken nuggets looked like the most wonderful things in the world…

BG jittered both legs. Fuck, was this what coffee did to people? Why was anyone allowed to have it? It should be a banned substance! Unable to stop himself, he began to tap on the table with his metal finger.

“You ok?” Bizo asked around a mouthful of dry cereal.

“I’m gonna check on Echo!” BG said, a bit too loudly and enthusiastically due to his excess energy. He teleported himself into the bathroom.

He ended up on top of the toilet. Echo screamed and fell over in the shower.

“Good morning bro!” said BG, like a train on fire.

Echo picked themselves up and poked their head around the curtain to glare at him. They looked extra tired. Their strange, high-cheekboned face was drawn and they still had that thousand-yard stare thing going on in the eyes. No sleep really took it out of a person. Lady took even more out.

The shower was still running. Echo liked hot hot showers and always took forever. Since BG wasn’t saying something for once in his life, they went back to their shower. The air was full of steam. BG ran his finger down the mirror and left a trail in the fog.

He wanted to say something nice to his friend, like he had last night on the roof, but he couldn’t think of anything. BG wasn’t good with words. He was even worse with words when his brain was racing a million miles a minute because of he had caffeinated it. Whatever he said was just going to annoy Echo, a person who was notoriously easy to annoy. And no matter what he said, it wouldn’t really matter would it? Because he was never going to talk to Lady about this, he was never going to tell her to stop digging around in her teammates’ brains for shits and giggles. What good would that do?

Suddenly he wished that he wasn’t trapped in the civilian world for the weekend. It was easier back at the dorms, where there was order and people to enforce the rules. It was better when all the decision making and power wasn’t in his hands.