#to be clear i do not expect this but it would be the funniest possible thing for him to do

[essektheylyss]

In terms of potential dunamancers for Essek to contact, I do think Uraya is a strong option, and I imagine there are others we aren't aware of since we were a little restricted in access to other dunamancers while in Rosohna (gee, Essek, wonder why that might've been...).

However, I do think it would be fun as a hypothetical to imagine his mother as one of them; she's the head of the den that is suggested to manage if not control the Dynasty's nexus of dunamantic research, the Marble Tomes Conservatory, so it's very possible she is an accomplished dunamancer of the arcane variety herself, especially in light of who she raised. I've previously tended to imagine her as a cleric of the Luxon, given her role as a religious figure, but considering that the Luxon doesn't differentiate much, it could go either way (even to the point of a multiclass, which honestly would be dope).

We have absolutely no basis of understanding her personal willingness to look past her son's transgressions, but given that he seems to think some would, and that the stakes are monumentally high, it's easy to think that his own mother might be among them. I mentioned last week that the information we have would suggest that she did actually live through the Calamity, and potentially was born in the later years of the Age of Arcanun. Even if she was in a position wherein she may have had sympathy for his situation but was not politically able to look past it, that may change if the stakes are, quite literally, apocalyptic.

But also, most importantly, it would be SO funny to me if Essek, epic-level wizard, international political fugitive, estranged from his family and culture at large, has to call in a favor from his mom.

[fufuheheii]

Cyno’s Ultimate Guide to Wooing You (tips from Tighnari)

Edit: Cyno x female!reader

You and Cyno have been friends for a very long time.

That’s why the boy never expected that he would develop feelings out of nowhere, especially not right when you smash an  Ajilenakh nut with his pole arm in anger.

He could have sworn his heart went doki doki along with the broken nut.

“You have got to be kidding me,” was all Tighnari could say when Cyno approached him on the very same day with the biggest blush ever.

“She was glowing Tighnari,” Cyno furrowed his eyebrows as he looked off into the distance. “The Love Archon have placed a curse on me-“ “there is no love archon you lummox.”

After a long ass debate and Cyno listing down pros and cons of liking you, the fennec boy decided this topic went on long enough and decided to just throw some suggestions.

“Why not just ask her out on a date? Woo her with something. If I recall, Y/N said she liked charcoal cake.”

And that’s how The Guide to Wooing You (Ft. Tighnari) book was created.

First Operation: date

Now, you and Cyno have been friends for a very long time, meaning you’ve done much activities together.

When Cyno asked you out, you took it as an average hangout and the day turned into a whole TCG war. 

Cyno has no idea how you guys ended up in Port Ormos, both of your decks out with his strongest cards in his hand. People surround you two, all in awe at the amazing strategic display in front of them. No, to say he is confused is an understatement.

“Wait Y/N-“ “No I’m not falling for that again Cyno.” “No, we weren't supposed to be playing.” “Wow I can’t believe you just threw that card out, how am I supposed to win that?” “Wait that was unintentional-“

He never got to confess. But at least he won the game.

Second Operation: food

On the day he was free he barged into the Sumeru tavern, causing a few scholar to run out screaming as he approached the counter with menacing aura. 

“One charcoal cake. Do you have a pink ribbon? Wrap it with a pink ribbon. Maybe add a heart on the cake if possible. Write the name ‘Y/N’ on it. I expect no word comes out about me here.”

When you see it, you roar with laughter. “Bruh, this is the funniest thing you pulled so far!”

Tighnari gets no sleep that night as Cyno comes into his room and murmurs by himself in the corner, confused as to what exactly is he doing wrong.

Third Operation: physical contact

Cyno wipes his hand on his shorts for the 15th time as he awaits for you at Gandarvha Ville. Today was the day of his next operation: hand holding.

Cyno wasn’t the type to force any physical contact, unless it’s to punish all evil wrongdoing. But today he was going to go the opposite way. 

He will brush his hand against yours, and if you don’t move away he will then proceed to look into your eyes as a sign of love affirmation. You will be struck by his determination and then he will move to intertwine his fingers with yours. And then he will confess. 

“Hey Cyno! You’re here early,” you appear in your goddess glory, your smile so dazzling the Mahamatra has to block it out with his hand. 

“What a sight to behold.” “Did you say something?”

When you two walked together, people were clearing the path. You figured it was because of Cyno’s title, but in reality it was because of his red shot eyes that was glaring at your hand. 

Above you both is Tighnari using his binoculars to watch you both. He mutters curses specially at the Matra, and Cyno could’ve sworn he felt chills go down his spine for no reason. 

Do it now you imbecile! Touch her hand! What in the archons are you doing? 

Cyno’s heart was thumping so fast he thought you could hear it. He swallowed as he stared at your hand, the delicate fingers that was tempting him to lic-hold it. 

“Cyno?” He snapped his attention to your worried face. He inhaled when you step so close to him that your faces were mere inches away. 

Tighnari gasped. Are you guys kissing? Why the hell are you guys kissing first?

“Are you okay? You look really stressed,” Your eyebrows furrow together, your cheeks pouting out so slightly. 

Your magnificent breath tickled his face, your doe eyes peering into his wide dilated ones. He could smell the faint chicken wings you ate earlier on your body. He could see your collar bones just saying hello to him. Your hair tickle his face as well as his bangs to yours. He looks back up to your eyes and he finally utters his response.

“Stressed? More like I’m a damsel in distress.”

Tighnari to this day doesn’t know how that was a joke to Cyno.

Operation four: Just confess

“Now we all know you have this natural instinct of throwing in a stupid joke out of nowhere,” Tighnari covers Cyno’s mouth before he could retort. “Now imagine I am Y/N. Show me how you’re going to confess to me.”

“No what the f-” “Do you really want to ruin the biggest operation with another joke?” “…”

Cyno sighs and the two boys sit facing each other. Tighnari crosses his arms and mimics your voice in a ridiculously high tone, “Hey Cyno! What’s up?” 

“Hey Y/N, um…there’s something I’ve always wanted to tell you,” Cyno inhales, trying to pretend the boy in front of him was his favorite girl. He smiles when his decent looking friend’s face morphs into your beautiful features. “We’ve been friends for so long and I know it’s definitely hard to believe but…I really like you. To me, you’re the most beautiful star in the desert night, the star that guides me to my destination. Will you be mine?”

“Wow Cyno I’m so happy!” Tighnari sings happily with a horrifying giggle. “See, that wasn’t so bad-”

 A big thud silences them all.

The two boys slowly look to the side in horror as both you and Collei stand at the doorway stunned. Collie’s basket is on the floor, and an apple rolls to Cynos’ foot. 

“I always knew master and Cyno had something!” Collei runs out the door, covering her face in glee as her OTP has finally come true.

Cyno’s face pales as you blink at him and then at Tighnari and then back to him. Then you turn away quickly before they can hear you snort with laughter. 

General Mahamatra and General Watchleader weren’t seen for a few days, but there were rumors circulating that the WatchLeader was trying to kill the Mahamatra. 

Final operation: Cyno

“Just be yourself Cyno,” Tigh’s words repeat in the boy’s mind. “What do you think will get your feelings across as Cyno? Think about it, and then face Y/N when you’re ready.”

Truth to be told, Cyno has never been open about his own feelings to anyone before. Sure, he told his best (and only) friend that he likes you, sure he beat up sinners to express his irritation of them forcing him out into the desert for three days just to bring them back, but it’s different with you. 

He enjoyed all the times he’s had with you, all the moments where you and him argued about who won, the moments where you fed him food when he was loaded with work, the moments when you smiled at him when he would come to see you...he treasured every single second.

He was scared that if you did not return his feelings, your friendship would be broken. You meant that much to him.

But he knew if this one-sided feeling went on much longer he will go crazy and full of hope. He can decide how to proceed with his feelings once he gets an answer from you.

You finally appear. You look around the rather grassy area, before looking up at the night sky full of stars.

Cyno watches with adoration as your eyes light up at the sky. It must be the same look he has when he’s with you. 

He silently approaches you with a familiar book in his hand, and you finally see him.

He hands you the book and you blink at it curiously before you open the book and read the contents.

He slowly smiles as a blush spread across your cheeks as you read over each operation listed down and the attempts the poor boy made to gain your affection.

“How did I miss all this?” You whisper, bringing the back of your hand to your face as your ears burn. “Cyno I...”

He places a hand on your arm and comes forward. His eyes are so full of desperation you can already hear what’s he going to say. 

“I’m not supposed to be…having these feelings as a Matra. It’ll only get in the way, but...I do have feelings for you Y/N. I enjoy my time with you, I enjoy eating with you. I enjoy fighting with you. I like you. I am in love with you. Will you be the padisarah to my Duel Soul recipe?”

A few days later rumors go around that the General Mahamatra has been stalking a certain girl and the girl is a criminal waiting to be caught in the act. 

It’s only a few days later (again) that there is confirmation that the girl is actually the General Mahamatra’s beloved girlfriend.

Omg this was so bad but so funny at the same time aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Sorry if this seemed so rushed, but it came to me in the middle of the night, and I had to write it all down! Hope you guys enjoyed it! :,)

Edit: whoa thanks for the love guys! Can’t believe this got so much attention, I’m happy I managed to give some laughs!

[fanfic-obsessed]

Failing to Thrive then Thriving in failure

I just had the funniest notion. Time travel comedy, but the twist is that Palpatine is the one to go back in time. 

So we start just after Kenobi, Palpatine has been emperor for about a decade, he succeeded. The Sith plan is complete, he has everything he had dreamed of and worked toward for a decade…and he is so bored. He never realized that 90% of his joy actually came from pretending to be a benevolent Chancellor and the intrigue of fooling people.  Now he has shown his true colors and could not go back to pretending (it simply would not work). Being the Sith in charge is not as fun as he thought it would be. Even getting to openly torture people has lost its appeal after 10 years.

It’s ok for Vader. For one Vader was never interested in those intrigues in the first place. For two 45% of Vader brain is taken up by trying to resurrect Padme Amidala, 50% is taken up by Obi Wan Kenobi (Palpatine is not sure if Vader wants to kill Kenobi, Kriff Kenobi, make Kenobi tuck Vader in every night and tell him is it going to be alright, Force Kenobi to help Vader resurrected Padme, or make sure Kenobi is eating, taking care of himself, and has a good enough blanket), leaving only 5% for everything else.  

Frankly if this is what Kenobi had to deal with before the war, Palpatine is somewhat impressed he got anything done.

Vader isn’t bored. Palpatine’s assorted lesser minions are not bored, they are living the dream of being as bigoted as their little fascist hearts desire. But Palpatine just could not find joy any longer. 

I do want it clear. Palpatine is not repentant. He does not regret the deaths that he caused, the genocide, the enslavement, any of it. He’s just bored. 

One day Palpatine finds a book, or maybe an artifact, or possibly a scrap of paper with an archaic formula. The title roughly translates to ‘Sith Master Time Travel’ (Listen The Son was also very bored, and being outside of Space Time meant He wanted to see what would happen). Palpatine is able to time travel, but only as far back as when he became a Sith Master. It was also a one time deal, he would not be able to use the method again AND it would destroy his origin timeline (not that that actually factored into Palpatine’s decision at all).  Not to mention he would essentially be possessing and killing his previous, alternate timeline self. 

Of course Palpatine time travels. He goes all the way back to the moment he became the Sith Master (it turns out the Sith titles are not just titles), looking at the still warm corpse of Hugo Damask, just as the Naboo crisis is wrapping up. 

Now Palpatine had already decided to do some things differently.  At first he was still working outward the Grand Sith Plan, if trying to keep his ‘Kindly Politician’ mask a bit longer, however he has decided that instead of Vader (or possibly in addition to Vader, if things get boring again) he will get Obi Wan Kenobi as his apprentice, figuring that there must have been a reason that every Sith Apprentice for 20 years ends up obsessed with the man (also because he thinks it would be funny to corrupt the Jedi’s ‘Guiding Light’). Dooku and all the pieces needed to start the Clone wars are already mostly in place. It is just a matter of maintaining until the clones are the right age.  So he does what he needs to to maintain the Empire building plans and decides to focus on corrupting Obi Wan. 

He fails, utterly. He fails so fully that Obi Wan did not even notice his attempts at corruption. Like he knew it would take time to corrupt a Jedi, he had done before after all, but he still expected at least a little change within the first year. There was nothing. 

And it was not a case of Obi Wan not trusting Palpatine. This is still a decade before the war. Obi Wan is a grieving, freshly knighted,  trying to keep up with a nine year old with somewhat unique trauma. Palpatine knows how to get Obi Wan to feel comfortable and trust him (Palpatine probably knows too well how to get Obi wan to feel comfortable and trust him, between Dooku and Vader). Obi Wan is just, for a given value, incorruptible. 

Now Palpatine’s obsession switch has been flipped. He went into it thinking that corrupting Obi Wan would be a fun side project, a way to pass the time.  He was wrong.  He knows from the previous timeline that torture would not be effective (Listen if the torture mask specifically built to corrupt lightsiders did not make a dent after a month it is pretty well proven that torture will not cause Kenobi to fall, Palpatine knows this) nor would killing Kenobi’s loved work (again, if it didn’t last time we have some pretty concrete proof). 

So now we have Palpatine trying every method he can think of to seduce Kenobi the darkside, always just shy of admitting to being a Sith or being creepy. To the point that he has actually forgotten the Empire building he was doing. He kind of even forgets to be Sidious.  He almost ghosts Dooku, before he remembers that Dooku is Kenobi’s grandfather(that is not the correct term, Dooku tries to correct Palpatine an even dozen times before giving up) and gets Dooku involved in the corruption that is STILL. GOING. NOWHERE.

Dooku basically becomes Grandpa Dooku to both Obi Wan and Anakin, and falls back into the Light while trying unsuccessfully to corrupt Obi Wan to the Dark. Due to darkside vow complications (also because I think it would be really funny) Dooku is not able to say, imply, or otherwise do anything to make the Jedi suspicious that Palaptine is a Sith. Also, to a certain extent he thinks that as long as Palpatine is focused on corrupting his incorruptible grandson, the other Sith is not thinking about galactic domination (To be fair he is correct).  

Palpatine spends most of his time trying to corrupt Obi Wan, while keeping up the act used to maintain Obi Wan’s trust. The thing is Palpatine is fully aware that Anakin in the original timeline was about observant as a particularly dense brick wall and would not have realized that the persona of ‘My friend Palaptine’ did not match the reality of ‘My pal Friendpatine’. Obi Wan would realize if his act was not consistent. 

So Palpatine decided to keep the act up 24/7.  And everyone knows that your actions become your habits become your personality. 

Somewhere in year 8 Palpatine forgets how to Sith. 

Technically he is still a darksider but not the extra layer of fucked up that comes from being an actual Sith. And he still has not even made a dent in Obi Wan’s light. He has also, almost single handedly, derailed the war that had been brewing and fixed about 40% of the corruption in the Senate.  All without killing a single senator.

Palpatine spends most of his time very confused. 

Palpatine lets his term as Chancellor end, having gone down in history as one of the most beloved Chancellors in history.  The Clones are found and mostly are inducted as an arm of the Jedi Order. Jango Fett is given a metric ton of therapy, which helps him see that the Jedi were not actually at fault for Galidraan (Jango had, in fact, been the person to escalate things to violence) before he is allowed to take Boba back into the galaxy. By that point the Clones want little to do with him. 

For the rest of his life Palpatine tries, unsuccessfully, to corrupt Obi Wan (who never noticed). At this point he is genuinely friends with a number of Jedi (He and Mace Windu have a surprising amount in common, including a love of the theater and a mild exasperation for Anakin Skywalker's antics). He is an honored guest at both the CodyWan and the Anidala Weddings (including a Jedi based wedding ceremony).

Honestly he is having the most fun of his life. 

He is also never caught as a darksider. He never figures out how that is possible either.

[cthoniccompanion]

ok I can't sleep so hades 2 thoughts so far:

guys, I really love melinoe. She is such a darling protagonist and so easy to root for. I love all the ways she contrasts zag and all the ways she so clearly takes after him despite never knowing him. I want nothing but the best for her. My dorter

hecate is a babe. That is all

I gave a Nectar to hypnos and got the dialogue where he aaaalmost said a sentence in his sleep, and now I'm convinced the only way we're going to get him up is by giving him 10 Nectar. Funniest possible outcome. Man's not under a curse he's just eepy

I want to put Achilles and odysseus in a room together so unbelievably bad. Would KILL to see them have a conversation in this game (has anyone written patrochilles/odysseus hatefucking yet or)

I'm distressingly obsessed with moros. What do you MEAN Doom Incarnate is cute and articulate and soft spoken. What do you MEAN he bows at the waist when you salute him. What do you MEAN he gets flustered from offerings. I need Mel to peg him yesterday

I can defrost Nemesis. I believe in this. I also really love that Mel calls her "Nem" even though there's clear animosity, it's very sweet (and I'm Dying to know what their history is like)

GAM GAM HESTIA IS MY FAVOURITE OLYMPIAN. She is serving cookies and sending you off to war. Hephaestus is my favourite for the new boons since he's so far gotten me the furthest but I just fuckin love this sweet old wartime grandma

Also Artemis as our Thanatos is so clever! Such a cool way to evolve her role and to let Apollo step into the traditional boon-giving role. I wasn't expecting that but it's my favourite gameplay addition so far

I'm REALLY bad at the game so far. I'm partially blaming the framerate but also I feel like the difficulty spike at the beginning is worse than with hades og. Maybe that'll be curbed by unlocking more weapons?? Only time will tell

I miss zag so much that after I logged off I went and read a bunch of my fics from his pov :(

[abbacchiosbelt]

Jjba Bruno prompt #24 with interrogation :)

You're already shaking with nerves before you step into Bruno Buccellati's office. You'd only met him a scant few times after your family had come pleading to Passione for protection — and each time had unnerved you. His unnerving gaze seemed to hover on you when you were in his presence. You'd never willingly choose to stand in front of his office's doorstep, but a summons there by Bruno himself had forced your hand. Your family made it more than clear that saying 'no' wasn't a possibility.

Behind you sits some of his crew, their eyes burning into your back as you stand silently, your hand raised to knock. Your muscles refuse to let you move, and a bead of sweat begins to roll down the back of your neck. If you weren't sure your family would be punished for your disobedience, you'd turn tail and run as fast as you could.

Before you can move, the door in front of you swings open. You see Bruno seated behind his desk, and he beckons you forward with the crook of his finger. The question of how the door opened if he was sitting behind his desk was only a fleeting thought. You enter quickly and the door shuts seemingly by itself. Flustered already, you huff out a surprised noise, and you hear a low chuckle across the room.

He was amused by how nervous you were. Heat creeps up your neck as you swallow the verbal jab you wanted to throw at him. You hated Passione, and that extended to the man in front of you. It didn't matter that you'd heard good things about him from nearly everyone in the neighborhood - you refused to trust someone who aligned themselves with the mafia.

You finally come to stand in front of his desk. Though he was seated, it felt as if Bruno towered over you. His presence made the fight or flight instinct in your brain flare to life, and it was all you could do to not reconsider your earlier plan of running away.

"I assumed I wouldn't need to explain why I called you here today." Bruno offers no pleasantries as he immediately begins whatever it was he had planned to say to you. He doesn't give you time to reply, folding his arms on the table as he leans forward and continues to speak. "That blank look on your face when you stood at the door told me I was wrong."

You shift, uncomfortable. How did he know what you looked like when you were standing out there? Before you can question him, he gives you a look that keeps your mouth shut.

"Come here." Bruno gestures to his side of the desk, and you swallow thickly. What did he want? You follow his words, cringing inwardly at how easily you gave in to him. You hadn't even been able to choke out any words. He gives you an expectant look when you round his desk to stand before him. “No, not there, in my lap.”

You grimace, unable to stop yourself, and he smiles. "You really are naive. Your family didn't tell you what kind of deal they made, did they?"

You're pushed by an unknown force into Bruno's lap, awkwardly splayed across his legs. Your heart skitters in your chest, anxiety and fear clawing its way into your nervous system. It was all too much in such a short period of time when you hadn't even known why you were here in the first place.

You're held steady in Bruno's lap even though his arms remain on either side of the chair he sits in, his lips curled into a smile that made your skin crawl. "I suppose I shouldn't keep it from you any longer. When I told your parents of my interest in you, they jumped to find a way to make me happy." He pauses, letting his words sink in. "Today was the day we agreed you'd come into my possession, and in return, they'd get a hefty discount on their future fees."

"Wh-what? What the hell are you talking about?" You finally manage to find your voice, adrenaline surging. "You're lying. Just tell me how much my family owes, and I'll pay it."

Bruno begins to laugh, throwing his head back as if you'd told the funniest joke he'd heard in years. You don't know how to respond, wordlessly sitting on his lap until he finally stops.

"Sorry, sorry." He starts. "It's just, you really have no idea, do you? Your family owes multiple generations of debt. It didn't start with your family, but your parents were more than happy to pay their share by way of... well, you. And I told them I'd consider beginning to chip into their remaining debt if you behaved. I suppose they were too cowardly to tell you what they'd done before sending you to me."

Bruno sneers, as if they were the only ones making poor moralistic choices in the situation.

The pit in your stomach that had been growing before you'd walked into Bruno's office practically feels like a black hole now. You want to hold on to something, to grasp at something tangible, but any movement would put you closer to Bruno than you already were.

"Don't worry about them," Bruno interprets your silence as acceptance, unwilling to consider you'd feel any other way. "We'll make a new family. Together."

[californianedgeworth]

I wrote this tirade about the Gavinners' theme in my notes app months ago but I had no Ace Attorney fans to share it with but I have a tumblr blog now so I will unleash it upon all of you:

We only know 2 of the 5 Gavinner members. There have to be 5 since there are two guitarists, a bassist, a drummer, and a keyboard player as established by the instruments in Turnabout Serenade. But the only ones with canon appearances and names are the guitarists, Klavier Gavin and Daryan Crescend. Since we know less than half of the band, it sends my mind running who the others could be. It would have been so fun to see all the designs of the band, but we don’t! So I just have to imagine what they look like, possibly based off of Klavier and Daryan. Some people have made their own headcanons and fanart, and I like them but I feel like there’s an important matter they never touch on.

As far as Klavier goes, his design is straightforward. 

(sorry his png is so damn big. I figured out how to edit in html to make the image smaller but every time I save the textpost draft it undoes my edit. no I will not open a photo editor to size him down)

When I show a picture of him to my friends who haven’t played Ace Attorney, they ask if he’s a rockstar. And he is! His design conveys the fact. He’s also a lawyer, so his style strikes somewhere between courtroom attire and rockstar. A lot of the Ace Attorney designs are fun and great at conveying character, and I’d say Klavier is a pretty solid design.

But then there’s Daryan, who is dressed like a shark. 

Idk if anyone else agrees but I’m not a fan of Daryan’s design. I also don’t really like him as a character either tbh. If he wasn’t holding a guitar, would it even be clear that he’s a rockstar? All the Gavinners members are part of law enforcement, but you can’t really tell Daryan is a police officer either. His design kind of bewilders me. With Klavier, you can tell a lot just by looking at him. What comes to mind when you look at Daryan is “shark man”. I mean, shark man’s a sick design concept, but I don’t like looking at Daryan! I think it has a lot to do with his ugly ass hair. His hoodie’s fun, but I don't like his hair. It's an unfortunate shape. And I think the people agree: half the fanart I see of him, they change his hair.

Usually with bands, you expect them to share a common style. But in the rock band the Gavinners, one of the members is dressed like a rockstar, and one of them is dressed like a shark. Like, I guess you could argue that Daryan is kind of in line, and his fashion fits into the rocker style. But I don’t know, in my mind the fact he’s a shark guy makes him very inconsistent with Klavier to me. So that got me wondering, what percentage of the Gavinners is dressed as rockstars vs Gavinners dressed as marine animals? I thought through some of the possibilities and proposed the ones that are funniest to me

Ratio 1 - 4 Rockstars to 1 Marine-Themed Star

This would mean Daryan is the odd one out. The weirdo who is a little too into Sharkboy and Lava Girl. A band of 4 guys who wear similar rockstar styles and then there’s just Daryan in his shark hoodie. 

Ratio 2 - Split 2 to 3 Either Way

In this scenario, the band can’t agree on what their theme is. Half are dressed in chains and leather, the other half are out of a marine biology textbook

Ratio 3 - 1 to 1 to 1 to 1 to 1

The Gavinners has no theming in the costume department. Each member is dressed however they like. Aesthetic nightmare

Ratio 4 - 1 Rockstar to 4 Marine-Themed Stars

I imagine it like this:

A 16-year-old Klavier Gavin walks into the studio, which at that time is the Gavin family’s garage. The Gavinners have just come together recently, and are rehearsing for their first show. But when Klavier enters, he finds his band mates are dressed up as a shark, a wrasse, a clownfish, and a lobster.

Klavier is confused, because he thought that the Gavinners was going to be themed after Klavier Gavin. He expresses this thought to his band.

Daryan tells him that since Klavier decided to name the band after himself, it was only fair the rest of the band mates got to choose the theme. And they were all super into sea life, so they dressed up as their favorite marine animals.

Klavier is annoyed they didn’t talk through it with him and says that maybe their theme is getting a little muddled. But since they’re all so enthusiastic, he’ll try it out. And he wants to be a merman. 

All the other members side eye Klavier. A merman isn’t a real animal, they tell him. Maybe he could be a manatee, a seahorse, a sea angel, a parrot fish? All of those creatures are just as majestic and beautiful as mermen, and they actually exist. Despite Klavier’s protests, the rest of the band does not budge. They persuade him to be a parrotfish.

The day comes for their first show. They got Klavier a parrotfish costume, which he keeps making faces at as they set up.

Klavier tells the other Gavinners he doesn’t want to wear the fish head hat since it will cover up his fresh haircut, but they insist he should. As they get ready in the dressing room, Klavier excuses himself to the bathroom.

When they’re called to the stage, Klavier has not returned. They assume he might already be onstage, or will be there soon. As they all get there and Klavier does not, they start to feel concern. Klavier is their lead singer and guitarist. He’d been thinking of nothing but their show for days, so it’s strange he’s suddenly missing. They ask the manager to delay the curtain call for a few minutes. The manager denies them, saying they’re on a tight schedule and they don’t want to delay the performers coming after the Gavinners. The band considers going into the bathroom to check on Klavier, or if they could perform without him.

As the curtain begins to rise, Klavier finally walks out on stage and joins the rest of them. But he’s not in a parrotfish costume. He is in a matching black shirt and pants combo with silver chains. Not even close to being parrotfish themed. The bandmates are shocked, but know they can’t make a fuss about it when the show is starting. They give him glares while they play. But they know they must look so bad when they’re all dressed up as various fish and an arthropod while their lead singer isn’t. The performance is received well despite the tension, but there are some mild comments on how strange the costuming is. Once it’s over, the bandmates confront Klavier, but he absolutely refuses to dress as a parrotfish for any of their future shows. When they realize they can’t change his mind (and they still won’t change their minds about letting him be a merman), they agree to just go to shows that way. Four of them dressed up as ocean animals, while the lead singer is not.

Over time, the other bandmates eventually give up on the whole marine life shtick. If they’re not all coordinated, what’s the point? And from their dressing room in the AA4, it looks like the band’s styling is in line with Klavier’s. But as the other members shed their marine life costumes, one keeps his through it all: Daryan. As the band builds regard and a fan base, he remembers how Klavier ruined their theme. So many of their arguments over the music and the band image are started because Daryan is secretly wounded no one dresses up as a fish with him. Now this gets into theory territory because I believe this could be his true motivator in Turnabout Serenade—

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

Reaper! Ghost (Part 2 of ?)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

You both agree that your being able to perceive him is impossible.  

He shouldn’t be anything to you but a distant future, an errant possibility when you cross the street, or, at worst, someone to curse at when a loved one is taken away.

But, despite all of it, you see him.  It should be impossible, but you can see him.  So that’s what you work with.    

And despite it all, he doesn’t struggle to convince you of who he is.  He doesn’t need to.  With the way he looks, with how he speaks…nothing about him is human or normal.  

Most importantly, nothing is normal about the way the doctors and nurses walk through him.  When you’re told about all your injuries, your surgery, the scars you’ll carry on your body from the accident, he averts his eyes, then walks to the window looking lost in thought.   

What does Death think about, you wonder.  And why is he here?

But you also have questions.

Whatever roils within him is kept suppressed, and when he answers you, it’s with gruffness and stoicism, barely speaking in full sentences.  He clears his throat a lot and his voice sounds hoarse.  

Disuse, you guess.  Who befriends Death, after all? 

He tells you that he wears dark jeans and a hoodie because he can, and that carrying a scythe is impractical.  He tells you he doesn’t know what comes after you die—it’s not like he can ask anyone—and his job is only to reap, and that the kiss of Death is real.   

That one makes you pause, then blush.  You hope it escapes his attention.

In hushed, stilted tones, you tell him about yourself.  He doesn’t say much, but his dark eyes are keen and sharp, and they hold your attention absolutely.  He doesn’t look away from you, not once, and at some point during the hours you speak, he sits on the visitor’s chair beside you.  An action so human, so normal, that it makes you falter mid-sentence.

You ask him, tentative and shy, if he’ll take his mask off.  He refuses immediately.  You’re not on his list, he insists.  He doesn’t know what would happen if you were to see the face of Death.  It’s safer this way.

You understand his hesitation,  you suppose, but it doesn’t mean you like it.

Over the next few days while you’re in hospital, you develop a tentative…friendship?  You’re not sure.  He’s strange—he doesn’t speak much, seeming to prefer silence, but he tries to answer any question you can think of.  And you think of a few.

Have you met any famous people?

What are the funniest last words you’ve heard?

Did you reap the first Homo Sapien?

That last question makes him jerk back in his seat.  He goes quiet for a while, looking down at his hands in his lap.  Having slowly become accustomed to what you affectionately refer to in your mind as Death’s Necessary Quiet Time, you pick up your discarded book.  You’re only through a few pages before he clears his throat.

“I wasn’ always…this.”  That's all he says for a moment, and you put your book down slowly.  “Used to–used to be someone.  A person.”

He doesn’t say anything else, but his shoulders drop and he leans back in his chair.  You suspect that it’s all he’s going to say on the matter, and you nod absentmindedly. It’s as you’d guessed.  

He has certain undeniably human mannerisms.  He blinks when you say something he didn’t expect.  He’d become unnaturally tense, jaw tight and a vein throbbing in his forehead when you’d hesitantly told him what you remembered from your accident.  Most human of all, though, is how is with you.  How his fingers twitch when he looks at your own.  How intently he looks at your lips.  How, despite being Death himself, the kind of force of nature that escapes comprehension with how absolute it is, he leaves the room to give you privacy when you need it.          

“Simon,” he says, suddenly,  looking as shocked as you do when the words leave him.  “My name is Simon.”

“Simon,” you whisper back, and he closes his eyes at the sound.  

[swiftsdelucaa]

Can I please have an imagine where the reader is dating Addison Montgomery and they decide that they want to try for a baby via sperm donor. Fast forward a few months and the reader finds out she’s pregnant. When she tells Addison she is over the moon. She kisses the reader and ends up proposing to her. Another fast forward and they end up having a baby boy. Fluffy please?

❛ 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒖𝒔 ❜

𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Addison Montgomery x f!reader ♡

𝘼/𝙣: So sorry for the wait, I wasn't feeling good :( But I hope you'll like it!

What's more beautiful than being with someone you like? It's hard to say. You and Addison looked so good together and you both recently decided to try for a baby. Both you and her were thrilled with this choice and were looking forward to nothing more than to have a family.

Since Addison had little chance of getting pregnant, everything was staked on you, the idea of carrying your child made you even more proud and eager to become a mother.

You started with a few donations, choosing a decent donor was as hard as fun, but unfortunately you weren't immediately lucky. You were both doctors, you knew it would take time, so you didn't let yourself be discouraged. Let's say that after other unsuccessful attempts, your enthusiasm gradually vanished, but Addison had that energy that she was able to transmit to you continuously, so you continued to believe it. God, how much you loved her.

Finally, just when you didn't expect it, it happened. You were pregnant. The answer to the test was more than clear, you must have watched it at least a dozen times before realizing it. You couldn't wait to tell her, you were so happy, her reaction would surely be double yours. And to surprise her by venting all your happiness, you have prepared an excellent dinner.

Addison returned about two hours later, it seemed more for you. She followed the delicious smell coming from the room where you were, welcoming you with a warm smile and giving you a light kiss on your lips.

"Wow, I'm so hungry" she said as you turned to her. "Hey, what's up?" she asked you having noticed your particular happiness.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery" you took her hands, making her feel more curious. "You have no idea how much I'll love you seeing you with our baby" her face lit up, she was probably still reworking. You placed her hands on your belly.

"You- you're pregnant?" her smile became the most beautiful thing for you in that moment.

"Yeah!" you exclaimed, unable to hold back your tears.

"Oh my God Y/n!" she kissed you intensely, then stopping everything to say something.

"Y/n L/n, you'll make me the happiest person giving me a baby and becoming my wife" she looked at your eyes, her words looked so serious and full of love. At that point the tears increased, you didn't know if for the hormones you had taken or for the inexplicable happiness, maybe for both. You began to sob laughing, unable to control yourself.

"Yes, yes, yes!!! I'd love to become your wife" you kissed her again, this time longer than before.

So the wedding and the baby have been the only priority to you in this period. Both had decided that the wedding would be after the baby's birth, also because you didn't want to seem an awful monster on the best day of your life.

For the baby you had done every possible exam, you wanted a beautiful healthy baby, and you'd do everything to make it sure. The funniest thing was that, well, barring your stupid hormones and weird cravings for food that no one would ever eat, you couldn't agree on just one name, you might even have combined all possibilities at the cost of pleasing both. He was a baby boy, and she'd liked to call him Henry, but you liked Jess more. So... Jenry...? For a while you thought that was better to stop thinking about it, at the sight of the baby it was hoped that the name would be chosen immediately.

When you was in labor she was in surgery, trying to save another baby. Let's say it, you were very stubborn, you would even have been able to stop labor with all your might just to have Addison with you.

"Where the fuck is the girl who's gonna be my wife?! I want her here!" you were yelling at anyone trying to calm you down, then Addison finally caught up with you and you began to realize the situation better.

"We're meeting our son, oh my God Y/n it's awesome, I love you so much!" she squeezed your hand as you screamed in pain between the thrusts.

"No, it's not-" you tried to tell her referring to the 'beautiful' experience you were passing at that moment.

When you were finally able to hug your son you did nothing but look at him laughing with tears in your eyes, you didn't believe that such a beautiful thing could grow inside you.

"Ryle" you said. "He's name is Ryle" you looked at Addison and then turned towards the cute baby boy you held.

"Yeah, Ryle. It's perfect" she kissed your forehead and gently stroked the baby's cheek.

In these two months Ryle had already grown a lot, he was becoming more and more adorable. Well, during your wedding ceremony he cried and screamed almost all the time, but somehow it made it special.

As soon as he was with either of you he calmed down, and there were no words to describe that feeling, where the son recognizes his own mother. But you can say you're proud of everything, of you, of Addison, of Ryle, of all of you together.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

About the whole "Fyodor-switch personality" thing: We don't have enough information to confirm whether it was real or fake right now, and besides, both possibilities are really interesting.

If the switch was real and Fyodor was lying to cover it up (...because 'you know characters can lie, right' could mean... this part of it was the lie too...), that could easily be made a reference to Dostoevsky's The Double, as I was kindly made aware of. We've also already had an image of a young woman who looks like Aya from potentially a long time ago, given the outfit and that it is Bram's memory we're presumably seeing there, which may tie in interestingly with "what year is it?" The knife he pulled out also is genuinely a unique design for the series, and looks like it might be an old make. If this original is very old, then something in the takeover of personalities may explain why he hasn't seemed to age. Fyodor being a separate personality created from his ability and kicking out the original could tie in with his ability not attacking him in Dead Apple. This also raises more questions about Fyodor's motives, and I think opens the path for some pretty fascinating theory making. It also places Fyodor as something both human and not... intriguing for the ongoing theme of humanity in the series.

If the switch was a fake and Fyodor was being a completely hilarious little shit (which, we know the Joker is part of his inspiration and he is often contrasted with Dazai, Nikolai, and Mori, for whom this kind of behaviour would be expected - it's characterization, that's not 'done for no reason'), it would quite possibly be the funniest thing he's done in the series so far. But! More importantly, it strengthens Fyodor's connection with the Book (or rather, with altering the narrative). He's told a lie that sounds completely ridiculous but makes sense given the world and situation he's in - and notably, could fool Sigma... and the readers. Fyodor also managed to change the lightness of his eyes without changing the state of his soul - something that no other character seems to be able to do. (I know Dazai can feign the shocked expression, but that's not the clear lightness we saw in Fyodor's eyes in this panel. Nikolai's eyes change lightness but that actually seems to be genuine.) While this doesn't help us discern anything more about Fyodor's motives, it does emphasize his expertise at information manipulation - we cannot trust a single thing this character says, not just in universe, but out of it too. We, the readers, cannot listen to Fyodor and take anything he says as supporting evidence for theories. If this is true - that's fascinating. The other characters will have to solve the mystery of this man completely indirectly, and so will we.

Of course, there is the secret third option: it was a lie mostly, but there is an element of truth to it somewhere, which is actually par for the course for BSD as a whole. It is very rare that a character turns out to be lying completely. The question then becomes "what part is true and how much is it true", which is also very compelling. This, personally, is what I'm ascribing to for now until new info comes up.

Anyways, the last thing I wanted to point out is that if it was genuine, then remember The Double was inspired by Hohol's works, and if it was a lie, then that is very similar to the bait-and-switch performances that Nikolai has done multiple times in the series. Either way, it implies some influence on Fyodor by Nikolai and of course vice versa, which probably means the return of the clown (finally!) and more focus on their dynamic, which is a funny thing to show Nikolai having apparently had influence on Fyodor (even if in more of a meta way) as he is actively trying to kill him right now.

Love wins/loses?

[fierrochase-falafel]

5 underrated TGCF moments in my humble opinion (and bonus)- expect spoilers!

When Xie Lian saved Mu Qing in book 5 at the volcano: We do NOT talk about book 5 enough, as I will mention further in this list, but when we do, we rightfully talk about Mu Qing's f-f-friends confession (which I would love to talk about more, but that's for another time), but we never seem to talk about the bit before where it's revealed Mu Qing took a cursed shackle for Xie Lian but nobody believes him or really plans on saving him except Xie Lian, despite the huge risk to himself. When Xie Lian makes it clear he would save Mu Qing anyways and Hua Cheng also has a great line to Feng Xin about how dianxia gets to make his own decisions no matter what, even if Hua Cheng himself is uncomfortable with them- something that contrasts him perfectly with White No-Face that gets overshadowed a lot. This scene and the scene leading up to it (the tunnel chase and Xie Lian being too nice to that empty-shelled mutant is just brilliant) all in all feels so underrated. Like I love the f-f-friends confession, don't get me wrong, I could talk about that anyday, but please gods can someone talk about the saving Mu Qing scene.

The virgin-detecting sword in book 3: The fact that Jun Wu even HAD a virgin-detecting sword is one of the funniest things about book 3, but the whole scene where Shi Qingxuan digs Xie Lian into a hole like "I bet he's never kissed anyone!" is just beautiful. The fact everyone assumes he's a virgin before Jun Wu even mentions that his cultivation path requires abstinence never fails to amuse me- me too, Xie Lian, me too. The virgin-detecting sword being his saviour in that moment surely must've been something. It's so funny but I've seen 1 piece of fanart of it on twitter and I think this is incredibly memorable. Since book 3 is so long, a lot of brilliant moments go less spoken about by the fan community, I feel, such as...

Xie Lian tricking Hua Cheng into revealing himself in book 3: One of my favourite scenes in the entirety of TGCF is where Xie Lian tricks Hua Cheng (disguised as Lang Ying) to reveal himself. We've already got the deadpan back-and-forth of "Who's the strongest?", "The one in red", "Who's the richest?", "The one in red", "Who's the dumbest?", "The one in green", with no beats skipped. Then he says "it's a must" to inviting Hua Cheng over, Quan Yizhen takes a bite of a yam through the window (as one does) and then he gets him to try and write an establishment plaque for Puqi Shrine and it's so funny- Xie Lian can be so funny, he's just playing around waiting to see how Hua Cheng will respond and is having the time of his LIFE. B*tch in the best way possible, this man. It's perfect. And then we get, "Only having met you did I rediscover that it's such a simple thing to be happy" which is so simple and lovely and just-- this scene is perfect, okay? We do not talk about this scene enough at ALL.

The scene where Yin Yu 'dies' in book 5: Back to me going off about how much love book 5 deserves, what with that moment between beefleaf and that massive gege statue. However, I'm choosing moments I think are the most underrated, and I just HAVE to mention Yin Yu. This man is underrated in life, in godhood and in banishment alike. The way he chose not to harm Quan Yizhen anyways- "Just because I hate him doesn't mean I have to hurt him!" This moment really links him to Xie Lian, especially just after book 4, as once again White No-Face tries to manipulate someone into weaponising their resentment the way he did, and once again he is denied the satisfaction of thinking what he did was justifiable because Yin Yu chose not to spend his life motivated solely by pain and hatred. One can argue that in book 4, after the bamboo hat incident, Xie Lian may not necessarily have had his faith in humanity at large restored but rather his faith in the power of choice. The choice to care, the choice to help, the choice not to hurt others just because you can- as opposed to the choice that was stolen from him in the 100 swords scene, and the 'choice' people claimed not to have when they stabbed him. The choice Xie Lian made when he chose not to massacre Yong'an despite his pain is like the choice Yin Yu makes when he chooses not to steal Quan Yizhen's power despite his pain. It's so satisfying to see Yin Yu stand up for his own actions when he's been cast aside by everyone, and no matter how much resentment you harbour you can still choose what to do about it.

The pagoda collapsing in book 2: This scene was the tipping point in book 2 where Xie Lian himself realised he didn't believe in his own potential anymore, and it is soul-crushing. The way he spends 3 days trying to hold up the celestial pagoda in pure desperation and anguish, and then being surrounded on all sides constantly until the pagoda collapses with people begging him to save them and him realising he can do nothing...if book 4 is the full-on descent to rock-bottom, book 2 is the anxiety-packed precursor without which book 4 would not hit as hard as it did, and sometimes it feels like it's overshadowed by book 4 completely. Book 4 may hit harder, but the end of book 2 is gut-punching as it is. You can FEEL Xie Lian being overwhelmed and trying so hard to pretend everything is fine when his life and nation are collapsing in front of him, piece by piece. Hands shoving him, some even strangling him until he keels over in the most helpless moment of his god-pleasing life as everyone calls him a fraud and begs for his help, when he has none to give or recieve. And after all that, chasing White No-Face only to break his leg, being the nail in the coffin of Xie Lian's unshakeable will that facilitated his rise and fall. It's haunting, it's poetic, it's the epitome of tragedy. Bonus!!! : Is it just me, or does nobody seem to talk about the book 5 fight scene? There's so much fanart of Hua Cheng fading into butterflies, which is honestly more compelling for me because of the Wuming reveal and their dynamic; however, Xie Lian finally out-manoevering and stabbing Jun Wu after being flooded with spiritual power by his bf, and then Guoshi calmly addressing Jun Wu asking him if he's exhausted...I think needs more attention too. It's the ultimate fight scene! Xie Lian gets a fighting win over Jun Wu that somehow feels numbing because at the end of the day, Xie Lian's triumph over him was never in revenge or in physical combat. Almost the opposite actually, it was in his choosing not to let his anger and resentment of White No-Face control him. Xie Lian winning is well-earned but ultimately the focus is what a sad, angry, tired man Jun Wu is. I think MXTX writes this wonderfully and really gets that message across...much as I'd like to see more discourse on the fight scene, I can see why there isn't because of how bleak it is and just generally-- unfulfilling compared to Xie Lian's character development. It's the climax wherein the main character had his personal climax 800 years ago, and I love it for how antithetic it feels compared to Xie Lian's other power moves and his overall development. This is just my view, of course, I would really love to see more opinions on this!

[the-marron]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Hi!!! Thank you for thinking of me 🥰

Ah, well, that's a hard one, because choosing favourite kids is never an easy task and my faves change often, but I will do my best! I really like writing in general, so all the works are made with love, even if I don't revisit them anymore.

It's Not a Safe World For Kids - Batman/Catwoman, 12k

It's mostly Selina interacting with different Robins and figuring out her place in the family and in Bruce's life. I like it not only because of my love for the ship and the Robins that appear there, but also because it gave me an opportunity to play with the abundance of contradicting canons and timelines, wrangling it all into a more or less cohesive story of the Bat family.

I can see that you are lonesome just like me - Weilan Derivatives, Hong Yizhou/Ma Fei, 21k

This one is special not only because I really like the characters and I think they work together well given their respective canons, but I also liked working on it - it's a second attempt at this story, that I made after my friend pointed out that there is one bit that absolutely doesn't work in the first one. The resulting 'Director's Cut' of the fic is not only a story I like due to its slice of life feel of two tired, heroic people trying to find their way to one another, but also a memento of our talks and collaboration on making the second version.

Deceive me kindly (while I'm still here) - Weilan, steampunk au, 13k

My love for steampunk, self-made tragedies and Weilan all rolled into one. I know that bad endings/open endings are not everyone's thing so I can't recommend it with clear conscience, but I had lots of fun 'translating' Guardian's setting into a steampunk one, especially since I could delve into the darker undertones here.

we devour, like a falcon in the dive | - Weilan derivatives, Luolin, 13k

Okay, so choosing a favourite Luolin proved to be very hard ;-; In each one I centred on a different thing that I like about the ship (or maybe the possibility of the ship since, you know, derivs) so picking just one is... *hard*, but this one is my first attempt to give them a clean cut, kinda-historically accurate happy ending, plus again, I have a friend co-conspirator who inspired large parts of it. Also: it's very dramatic, I do like me some drama

End Racism in the OTW | The Story's Unwinding - Weilan, The Mummy! au, 61k

I usually divide between my own works and collaborations, but I just can't pick from my own, it would be a whole list, and this one is the fic of my dreams that I wrote with my friend and that love re-reading whenever I feel down - it's that feeling when you notice bits and pieces and you are not sure who wrote what, but it gives you lots of joy. Plus it marries Guardian and the Mummy, which are my two favourite works of 'Unhinged About the Love of My Life, Thanks'. And the process of writing this fic was one of the funniest rides ever.

Bonus: The Way of the Househusband, Weilan, 4k

Okay, so this is funny because I wasn't convinced that this fic was that good when I first published it, but it was inspired by my friend's art and I wanted to share it, but I kind of... didn't expect it to be noticed by anyone? But not only my friend liked the illustration for her art, but also this fic lured in another person who I can now call a friend, so this has lots of sentimental value 😁

Again, thank you for the ask, I will happily poke others ❤

[sunnysssol]

🌙🍯🧀 for suzie!!! (from the oc ask :3)

Thank you for the question, friend (^-^)/💖 didn't expect anyone would ask for Suzie LOL but do remember I take them for canon characters too !!

🌙 (crescent moon) - Does your character have a moral code or a set of rules they have for themselves? If so, what made them adopt these morals or ideals? If not, why?

Not to ASOIAF-post but someone clocked Suzie as a Tully of Riverrun before and it's so real I fear. ISTJ Suzie sticks to "Family, Duty, Honor" as their morals, specifically the "duty" part even if the other two get a little murky at times. When they first became an Assistant, they were beholden to serve England and America (then the Thirteen Colonies). That was their duty, not just to themselves but their family. But eventually, when it became clear to them that they can't have both, Suzie chose the one they had always felt more personally towards rather than the one laid out by all those who came before them. They stopped spying on Alfred for Arthur, basically. And up until now, Suzie lives with duty as the double-edged sword in their hand. Family is more than just the people related to them by blood (hell, even Uncle Wilfred is 40 something generations apart from them, making the blood relation very, very thin), and honor is subjective.

🍯 (honey) - What are some reasons someone would like or get along with your oc? Are these positive traits something your oc is aware of?

Suzie is highly competent and sensible even when she ought not to be and even when she doesn't feel like she is. I feel like I've mentioned it a few times here but Suzie really just has a lot of common sense and that's a rare enough thing (at least in Clownville, Hetalia LMAO) that people naturally gravitate to them to take charge 😭 she won't be patronizing– she won't coddle you either and while I think it can come across as a bit harsh in the beginning, it's clear to see that's just how she cares for people. It's not hard to like somebody who consistently and reliably has your back :'] I think Suzie is aware of it, but she doesn't really know that it's the reason why people like her so much. She thinks people like her because of her connections and/or the fact that she's always "prepared for bullshit". Is it willful ignorance, or does she really not know? Who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The question asked for traits and I focused on just one LOL but, here're a few quick others:

"Prepared for bullshit" — a thousand back-up plans, their car loaded with everything one could possibly ever need and a general sense of "I'm here, demons. Come and get me." are the building blocks to one Suzie.

Practical, but supportive — will honestly tell you if an idea is bad and could be asked to give you some ideas, but won't try to take control away from you.

Prudent and punctual — If they say they'll be there, they'll be there and be on time. Even if they said it was a bad idea or even if they'd feel out of place there because they show up for the people they care about :'3

🧀 (cheese) - What’s the funniest thing that your character has ever done? Alternatively, what’s the funniest thing that’s happened to them?

Aahh i'm weak with comedy auwhshdh but I feel like Suzie is somebody who isn't necessarily funny, they just become funny through sheer coincidental comedic timing or just on principle with how unbothered they can be when something may or may not literally be on fire just a few steps behind them 😭 maybe their very blunt and colorful way of speaking or the faces they pull after they promise not to judge? Suzie Live Reaction type beat. And she has called people "cunts" to their faces multiple times in various professional and non-professional settings despite her very businesslike personality. Suzie never gossips, if she has a problem with someone, they'll know almost immediately 😭

[2:38 AM] Everything and nothing is funny when your life and everything you have ever stood for and cherished is a joke 👍

[2:40 AM] you good baby???

[2:40 AM] I burnt my fucking eggs, Alfred

[2:40 AM] OH LMAO

[2:41 AM] Jesus what am I, a muppet??? It was on low too. Fucking hell

[2:41 AM] it's okay baby, i'd still love you even if you were a muppet

[2:41 AM] the cutest muppet on Earth 😂❤️

[2:41 AM] Can your love for muppet me un-burn my fucking eggs???

[2:42 AM] CALM DOWN BRO DAMN 😭 i'll get you some new eggs if you want some so damn bad

[2:42 AM] Hold on just lemme get dressed

[2:43 AM] Unless you want me with no pants on

[2:44 AM] 👀?

[2:44 AM] I'm good.

[2:44 AM] I just want eggs

[2:45 AM] You and those fuckin eggs 😭 ok okk

[pha5ed]

Situationship || LifeSteal SMP

type :: mostly angst, small fluff

tw/cw :: none

members :: parrot, spoke

Parrot

Best friends that like each other

You two have been best friends for literal ages

The second you met you were inseparable

Everything you did, you guys did together

If one of you was seen without the other, people would ask “Where’s Parrot?” “Where’s Y/N?”

You would constantly get asked if you’re dating or not

Parrot and you would awkwardly laugh it off and say that you’re just friends and nothing more

But you always hoped that he would admit that he liked you too

Both of you knew each other so well that you already knew that a romantic relationship wasn’t the right move at the moment

Going to college, doing YouTube, family issues, and all of that was in the way of a possible relationship

But even though you knew a relationship would be hard to maintain, why not do it?

The tension between you two was growing more and more as you both got older

And also, you were slowly getting hurt from this tension

Seeing Parrot talk to other people made your heart twist in a way you didn’t know was possible

Your other friends would make comments saying things like, “If you wont take him, I will”

You’ve never felt a more gut-wrenching feeling than hearing that sentence leave your friend’s lips

Telling your friend she can’t have him would make you seem possessive and clingy

But telling your friend yes meant risking the chance of losing your best friend and crush

You thought you were completely alone and that it was a one sided relationship

But Parrot thinks the same exact thing

Every time he saw you with another guy talking, he’d instantly get the urge to drag you away

Although it was cocky to think, Parrot knew that no one would be able to compare to the chemistry you two have

He wants to confess so badly, to finally release all of the pent up emotions he feels

But he’s terrified of the idea of you rejecting him

He would never want to lose you as a friend, you were one of the best people in his life

One day, he will get the balls to confess

But right now, you two are basically dating but without a title or promised commitment

But you both know you’ll stay committed to each other :)

Spoke

Exes that are still friends

The idea of having beef with someone doesn’t sit right with Spoke

Your relationship didn’t end for awful reasons, just a lot of differences and outside issues

Of course, you two took space from each other after the break up

But randomly, Spoke sent you a message saying he wants to be friends and drop the awkwardness

You two shared the same friend group so your break up kinda made the group a bit rocky

He made it clear he doesn’t expect any forgiveness, kindness, or even a friendship but just enough courtesy to not be awkward with your friend group

You agree to what he said and the group slowly repairs itself

But as the group fixes itself and got closer, so did you and Spoke

At first you didn’t want to admit it, but you couldn’t help but fall for him all over again

He always made you cry from laughing so hard

Whenever you were a dollar or two short for something, he’d always pay the rest for you

He’d always save you a seat next to him whenever it was crowded

And if it was too crowded, he’d always give you his seat

You guys went from no contact to group hang outs to him walking you home

You’re not sure how he did it, but he snuck himself back into your life

He did everything he used to do when you two were dating, except without any physical affection

And you didn’t want to say it, but you missed the hugs, kisses, everything

How could he act like this was all so normal when he’s literally saying goodbye to your parents and your little siblings?

It got to the point where you needed to distance yourself from him or else you would fall too hard

You love Spoke, he was one of the kindest and funniest people you’ve ever met

But you were scared that liking him again meant that your friendship would be over

You missed him so much while you two went no contact, you can’t imagine having to relive that

So you both stick with this relationship, where you both act like you’re dating except with no title

It confuses the fuck out of the friend group but they accept it

Maybe one day you’ll date again or maybe you’ll realize it’s not the right time for you too

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I enjoyed the Taskmaster finale episode, it took a while but seemed like everyone had finally loosened up in the studio and was having fun. They made the right call in saving the game show for the last task, that was very funny. Though it was genuinely a bit weird to see John Robins ironically play an intentionally bad gameshow host that was so similar to the actual game show host he actually played in Beat the Internet. Really underlines how bad that show was that they couldn't make a worse show than it when they were literally trying. It was really funny though. Sophie especially.

And their game show is the funniest I've found the Steve/Nick team all season. Steve's character was probably more impressive but I found Nick's character funnier, doing an idea he hadn't wanted and choosing to also play it as a character who didn't want to do it.

I think Nick Mohammed might be the biggest surprised standout for me overall, now that the season's over. In the early episodes I enjoyed his little cinnamon roll thing, but by the end I sort of caught on to how his humour works too and was loving every time he was on screen. Though Joanne McNally, whom I disliked going into this season, really won me around too by the end.

I called before the season started that John Robins would do very, very well. Not just because I like him, but because he's 1) competitive enough to try really really hard, 2) has spent years hanging out with Alex Horne and playing those little games that Alex comes up with so he has practice at this (he mentioned on the radio once that he and Alex played No More Women - later changed to No More Jockeys for obvious good reasons - in pubs), and 3) there are years of documented radio evidence of him being good at silly games, particularly any games that require quick or lateral thinking, and quick thinking is the skill that's transferable skill to the most aspects of Taskmaster. Then I spent all season watching it while being genuinely tense, treating it like a real sport because I wanted to be right so much (I did ease off the tension a bit in the last couple of episodes as the winner became clear). However, even I can't say I called in advance that, out of all contestants on UK Taskmaster in the regular seasons (outside of NYTs and COCs), John Robins would come out top of the leaderboard in total points overall, and in points per task. Coming out 8 whole points ahead of second-place Dara O'Briain in total points.

It's possible that the reason we didn't get as much of John being furious as we were expecting in this season isn't the editing, it isn't that he's now sober and enlightened and not in such a dark place, it's just that he didn't fuck up enough things to be worth yelling about. Well done to him.

Congratulations, John, fantastic season, I'm very very pleased for you. Now release Howl on Bandcamp like you said you would months ago. I haven't forgotten about that, you know.

[bomberqueen17]

I agree with your post on tone indicators but be careful with labeling coming up with new terms/language functions as making up a conlang, you seem to know non-native english speakers so you'll know the struggles they have in getting very necessary language such as neutral gender added to their language, and even in english itself there's a lot of push against adding words to describe things like genders, and saying "nah those new things are not real [language]" is often weaponized against people who need new language (i am not saying this applies to tone indicators specifically just to be absolutely 100% clear)

There's nothing wrong with conlangs. I love them, and admire people who create them; they're perfectly valid as an art form and can be a fun and beautiful way to communicate. There's nothing wrong with inside jokes or memes; I employ them among my groups of friends, and love the glimpses of humanity I get from hearing about other people's. Sometimes the confluence of references can be the sweetest, funniest, most concise way of communicating something, and sometimes what you're communicating is just you're my people and I love you, and that is beautiful and valid. There's nothing wrong with neopronouns or any such adapted language; they're perfectly valid, I use them, whenever asked, and in fact I once assigned some to a character in a work of fiction I wrote solely to give myself practice using them, so it wouldn't be so strange to me, since the idea was new to me but I had begun to encounter people who used them. And they convey things that could not already be conveyed using existing language, and so their creation is beautiful and necessary-- as is their explanation.

The thing all these things have in common is that nobody is assuming you know them. If someone has created a conlang, they'd be excited to give me a glossary, and would not use the language with me if I had not been given an opportunity to know what the words meant.

If I am making a bunch of references to inside jokes, I will make sure that everyone in the conversation has had a chance to hear the background context, so that they are not excluded-- if it is not possible, I will apologize to the excluded person, and try to keep my references to a minimum in conversations they're part of.

If someone has neopronouns, I will happily use them, but I need to be told what they are and how to use them grammatically. Once this is done, I will do my best, just as I do with anything I'm learning, but I don't think it would be reasonable for me to know to use pronouns if I haven't been told what they are. This is why people say "she/her", "they/them", "xe/xer" and so on, by the way, instead of just saying "she"-- it's to give you what you need to use it!

So tone indicators-- fine, use them, but if you're using them in a conversation with me, understand that they are opaque to me so I will not understand them so you using them is serving absolutely no purpose, and so you will have to also, if indicating your tone is important to the meaning of the conversation, do so using language I can understand, and additionally know that if you have repurposed widely-used existing acronyms or abbreviations, you're going to have to clear up what you mean, and in fact for the ones whose older and far more common usages are actively offensive, you should avoid using them unless you're trying to cause offense.

Because this is the main point I'm getting to: It's really fucking rude to address someone using language they do not know and are excluded from.

So every single time you use a tone indicator with someone whose familiarity with the system you haven't bothered to verify, you are appending another, secret, tone indicator on the end, which just says HOSTILE, invisibly appended after every other thing you have typed, because you are using abbreviations that in broader culture mean other things, and expecting your reader, without having asked if they know them, to discard everything else they know, and put themselves out to decipher your unfamiliar jargon.

It's entitled and hostile and counterproductive. So I'm not saying don't use them, I'm saying ask first, and if the person's not familiar, then make your meaning clear in standard language. It's pretty simple. If you love this specific system a lot and talk to this person a lot, maybe drop a link to a key and ask if they'd be willing to learn them. But understand that is a big ask, because there are so many other ways to convey the same exact information that are not reliant upon a brand-new obscure code.

[lizisshortforlizard]

Living Dangerously - Chapter 29

Jurassic Park’s animal handlers: none of them ever mentioned by name in Michael Crichton’s original novel. Who were they? What were their lives like on Isla Nublar? Did any of them survive the disaster?

A year in the life of those responsible for the care of the dinosaurs. Many people would kill to have their jobs.

But would they die for it?

Jurassic Park novel/Jurassic Park film (1993)

Viewpoint: 3rd person female oc

Warnings: ready to have your heart ripped out?

Tagging: @heresthefanfiction @ocappreciation @wordspin-shares @howlingmadlady @arrthurpendragon @themaradwrites @starryeyes2000 @kmc1989 (please lmk if you would like informed of my sporadic updates)

Read on Ao3

Chapter 28 | Chapter 30

Living After Midnight - Judas Priest

Over the constant hum and buzz of the jungle darkness, never completely silent, Lizzy’s laughter was ringing through the trees, ricocheting around the clearing next to the Rex paddock. 

She had a filthy laugh that Muldoon hadn’t heard before. At hundred per cent volume, totally out of control, with her head thrown all the way back.  It was bloody glorious. 

And he would be attempting to make her do it again, as soon as possible. 

I’ll have more of that please. 

“Christ Almighty-“ Lizzy wiped her streaming eyes. “-that’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. Well done.” She started cackling breathlessly again, clutching her stomach.

“If I wasn’t awake before that, I certainly was afterwards.”

“I’ll bet.” She wriggled uncomfortably, her ribs were seriously aching. “That was a good one. Got any more?”

“More than we’ve likely got time for.”

The campfire was finally dying. They’d been out in the park for hours, it had to be almost midnight. 

He built me a campfire. Lizzy was practically vibrating with contentment. Not that she couldn’t build her own fire, of course she could, but that wasn’t the point. The gesture was the point, and the fact he had agreed to an open flame amongst trees in the first place. 

Just this once. While there’s nobody here. Those were his exact words. 

Breaking the rules. 

Just this once. 

“We’ve got all the time in the world.” She insisted. “You really should write these down, you know.”

“Maybe someday. If I ever manage to retire. In fact-“ he was struck by an idea. “-you’re a decent writer.”

“Planning on keeping me around that long?”

“I’d like to think so. You have your uses.”

“I’ll take that.” Lizzy worked hard to keep her voice even after the compliment. “But you’d need plenty of photos, or drawings. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always preferred books with pictures.”

Her tone had just enough suggestion for Muldoon to wonder if Baker, despite her promises, had let slip about his own artistic capabilities.

He quickly moved the conversation along before she had too long to dwell on the thought. “You must have a few stories of your own by now?”

Lizzy did indeed have a good one she hadn’t yet shared. Through instinct, she looked around the clearing for eavesdroppers, although they had to be the only two humans for miles and miles, a vast stretch of ocean separating them from the nearest civilisation.  

“On the topic of photographs…I never told anyone outside of the research station because I didn’t want to embarrass Simon.” She rolled her eyes. “Doesn’t matter now, and it’s not like you two will ever meet anyway.”

“Go on.” He caught his grimace just in time at the mention of the ex-fiancé’s name. 

“The first time he came to visit me in Namibia, he was a little, uh-…condescending to the locals in our team-“

Muldoon was familiar with what the swift response from said locals would be, rich white clients tended to all behave in a similar way. It was expected. But that was a whole other collection of tales for the fireside. “I’ll bet that was swiftly resolved.”

“They had some fun with him first. Simon was parading his new Polaroid camera around giving it “magic picture” this and that. I was mortified.”

“Christ-“

“He hasn’t travelled much outside the States.” Lizzy explained. “Or, in fact, outside the state of New York. Anyway, one of my team, proceeds to tell Simon, translated by yours truly, that she prefers the resolution on the Nikon 35mm and also that she had the equipment handy to help Simon clean his dirty lens.”

Muldoon smiled grimly. “You laughed too, I imagine?”

He wondered if it had been as good as the ridiculous laugh he had recently become acquainted with. 

Lizzy had indeed tried and miserably failed to keep a straight face at her partners come-uppance. “I couldn’t help it!”

She recalled the memory. Simon’s face had been hot and red, mortally embarrassed, and he’d stormed off by himself into the long grass. 

A terrible, possibly fatal response. 

Once she’d caught up to him with a shotgun slung over her shoulder, she’d had to sweet-talk him into returning to camp before he stumbled across a big cat, buffalo or even a snake who would really give him something to be upset about.

That hadn’t improved his temper at all, but he had been downright foolish of him to just wander off like he was taking a stroll in Central bloody Park!

Why’d you laugh at me? Are all your friends like this? Do we really have to stay out here with them? What’s wrong with Windhoek?

Windhoek, really? They’re just messing with you!  It’s fine! 

Not fine, Liz! They should apologise!

You’re the one who should apologise! Pembe is the best guide we have and you were damn rude-

And so on. One of many disagreements, and they seemed to be increasing in frequency. 

“Yeah, he didn’t see the funny side at all.” She sniffed. “Was never that great at laughing at himself. Bless him.”  “You need to have a fantastic sense of humour-“ Muldoon’s voice was as dry as if he were telling Lizzy her shoelace was untied. “-to work with things that regularly try to make your life insurance policy pay out before time.”

“Good thing you’re so in tune with your emotions then, eh?” The comment earned her nothing more than a derisive glance as he lowered his slouch hat over his face, and she chuckled again. 

Maybe it was the Towel Incident, or the disastrous cooking attempt that had followed, but the ice was well and truly broken. No going back now. Lizzy felt the most like herself since the breakup. It was so easy, talking to him like this. She was happy. 

They were on opposite sides of the campfire, Lizzy scooched a fraction closer on her blanket so she could see him better through the heat haze. 

Muldoon was on the ground too, stretched out on a blanket of his own. Lizzy wasn’t sure how he seemed to look even taller lying down. She shook her head, trying to chase away the thought of how she’d measure up. 

Lizzy watched him for a long time, thinking to herself in comfortable silence, before speaking again. 

“Tell me about her.”

“Who?”

He’d answered instantly. Of course he was awake under the hat, alert. As always.

“Your wife.” She answered quietly. 

Muldoon hmm-ed for a long moment, Lizzy waiting as patiently as she was able, trying her hardest not to fidget. 

Just when she thought there was no way he was ever going to answer her in this lifetime, he did. 

“You’re not unlike her. Your attitude is-“ Damn. Did it again. He corrected. “-was very similar.”

“You can say ‘is’.” Lizzy told him gently. “Nobody here but me.”

“She cooked much better than you can.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Lizzy muttered. “But, in my defence, I didn’t know food could be any other colour than beige until I left school.” Shuffling where she sat, her legs starting to get pins and needles. “She pretty?”

“Knockout.”

“Wow.” She grinned. “Lucky you.”

“A lot taller than you.” Muldoon added. “Honour is likely going to hit six foot once she’s in high school.”

“Honour?”

“Our daughter.”

“Ah.” It occurred to Lizzy he’d never told her the name of his child before. Or ever used the prefix ‘our’. Always mine. Always my responsibility from now on. No more our. 

It felt like he was divulging a massive secret. Honour. Lizzy rolled it around in her brain. Not a name she would ever have imagined him going for, but she liked it. Rather a lot.

He took the hat from his eyes and looked her up and down. “She’s almost your height already, in fact. Although that wouldn’t be difficult.”

“The diet of beige is to blame. Unfortunately, I’m stunted.”  Not where it counts Muldoon thought. There was a reason he liked walking behind along Dr Armstrong where he could get away with it. The view was spectacular.

He tried very hard to get her quite frankly unfair side profile out of his head before he answered. “We’ll pretend the smoking habit had nothing to do with it, then. Honestly, the pair of you would have gotten along.” It was the truth. His wife, too, loved elephants and had a downright filthy laugh.

“Did Jeff know her?” Lizzy asked, hoping the answer was yes. 

“They were lethal together.”

“Dr Blacklaw has quite excellent taste in women, what can I say?” She made a show of tossing her hair back.  Muldoon found himself wondering if their paths had crossed sooner and he had met Armstrong in Africa, how would he have felt about her? How would she have felt about him? 

Life might have been very different. Maybe he would have turned down the offer from InGen, gone to India instead. He wouldn’t have to be so careful about what he said or did all the time. 

At least the other chap was out of the picture now. Matters were a damn sight better than when she first arrived with that rock on her finger, like a shameless beacon, flashing I’m taken every time the sun caught it at the right angle: You haven’t got a hope in Hell. 

Maybe the universe was capable of working things out for itself, even if it had put him through the metaphorical wringer to get to this point. 

“Has there-…” Lizzy was so relaxed she had forgotten herself, who she worked for, and all her manners. As the question was tumbling from her mouth she realised how inappropriate it was. They were good friends, sure, but working friendships always had their limits.

She was about to cross a very dangerous line. 

“What?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Less of that. It clearly does, or you wouldn’t have said it.”

In a rare occasion, she seemed lost for words.

”Nobody here but me.” He quoted her own words back to her.

“I…don’t know if you’ll like it.” She fumbled. “I was just curious. Nosy. I was being nosy, alright? Sorry.”

“Try me.”

Lizzy knew that tone. I dare you. If you’re brave enough. Deep breath.

“Has there been…anyone since?”

I double dare you.

There followed a very long pause during which Lizzy thought don’t ask why, do not ask why. 

“Why?”

Dammit. 

She couldn’t be the only person on the planet who could see the appeal. More-so now that he’d stopped drinking, Lizzy had an even harder time keeping her thoughts in check. He was looking damn fine recently. 

“Eight years is a long time!” Lizzy sighed and wrung her hands. “And I told you that you wouldn’t like it! Don’t answer. No need.”

“It’s alright.”

Muldoon was in fact very interested to see where this particular conversation was headed.

They could have been back in Kenya, with the campfire and animal calls, though of a different era, still familiar in their nature, all around them. 

If there’s a right time, it’s probably now.

“Nobody significant.” He answered. One or two that didn’t work out. Three or four that had just been stress relief. Nobody that he felt deserved any more of his time or his life, or his daughter’s. Until Armstrong had landed on the island with a bang and instantly began rearranging the natural order, and damn her, questioning the where-why-how of everybloodything. 

Lizzy meanwhile, was wishing she had never brought the subject up. 

And she knew the reason. Not because it was awkward to talk about, strangely enough it wasn’t awkward in the slightest. His answer had been as casual as if she had asked him what the time was, or what the weather was likely to do tomorrow. But the answer she had most wanted to hear, been hoping to hear, no, nobody at all, was way too much to wish for. 

She’d been correct. Eight years was a long time.

Or maybe Lizzy was just a little peeved he’d probably done better in the last eight years being out of a relationship than she had done  being in one until very recently. 

She had to admit the first two years with Simon had been a lot of fun. After that it became less about fun, and more about we’re in the same country, so we’d better do something about it. God, I’m so tired. Are you tired? C’mon, we gotta. At least once. I love you. So tired.

“Anything else in this particular line of questioning, while we’re at it?” He actually sounded amused.

“When…-“ Lizzy started then ground to a halt again. Way too inappropriate.

“When…?”

She just wanted to die there and then.

“Doesn’t matter.” She frowned and deliberately looked away. “Forget it.”

“Were you about to ask ‘when was the last time’?” Muldoon smirked. He knew he was on the money. And seeing the normally confident and bolshy ethologist becoming a little flustered was delightful. “Getting rather personal there, Armstrong.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” She stammered. “None of my business.”

“I honestly don’t mind.” This could work both ways. “We’re adults. I will if you will.”

Curiosity was burning Lizzy’s insides so much that it was manifesting as stomach ache. She had gotten herself into this mess, may as well keep going. She nodded, ignoring  Kathy’s voice in her head warning you’re gonna get in troooouble…

“Remember when the dilophosaur did a number on you? I was away at the time?”

“Huh. So when you said you had a good trip, you meant you had a good trip. I see.” She played with the belt loops on her jeans, reluctant to deliver her side of the deal. 

Muldoon cleared his throat. “Forgetting something, missus?”

“I’ve changed my mind. I don’t like this game.” Lizzy grumbled, only because she was losing. 

“Then don’t give what you can’t take. I’ll have to make a wild guess if you don’t want to say out loud.”

Lizzy mumbled something that he took as affirmative.

“Let’s see, then.” She was shifty-eyed and squirming. Brilliant. “ Didn’t you stop off in the States with your man before you came over here?”

“Well, yeah-“ Lizzy forced herself to get over her self-consciouness. She still had the Spanish dictionary somewhere in her room in the lodge. Regrettably, the only thing Simon had given her before she boarded her flight to Costa Rica. “But if that’s your guess, you’re dead wrong.”

Muldoon looked at her in disbelief. He had so many questions.  What the Hell had the man been playing at?! It was like he wanted to lose her.

“This year at least?” 

“Yes, if you absolutely must know!” Lizzy knew the exact Pantone shade of scarlet she was turning, far beyond pretending it was from the heat of the campfire. “April was a very good month, okay?”

April?! It’s nearly bloody next year now…

Her short temper now seemed incredibly explainable.

”I can hear you thinking.” Lizzy said grumpily, still not looking directly at him. “Not quite the answer you were expecting from someone like me, eh?”

“If that’s true, I can’t help but feel most of your bad moods have a fairly easy fix.”

“Not so easy on a tiny island, where people talk. Our favourite engineer being the main culprit.” She grinned at him. “Or I could follow your example and finally have a good reason to go back to the mainland.”

He didn’t want her to do that at all, actually, but he grudgingly agreed.

She was lying on her side, propped up on an elbow. The size of her waist in comparison to her hips was unreal. Nothing wrong with her khaki shorts, but those damn jeans were doing her some incredible favours.

Lizzy couldn’t stop, though she was wary of feeling upset from finding out more things she didn’t really want to hear. “So, do you really like this person on the mainland?” 

Muldoon chose his words carefully. ”There is someone I’m keen on, yes.”

What the-

“Oh. Yeah, great. Good for you.” It came out more sarcastic than she intended. 

Muldoon nearly laughed. Armstrong wasn’t following him. 

”You know, it’s alright to be jealous.” He couldn’t resist toying with her.

Lizzy’s reaction was explosive. 

”I’m not-“ She practically back snarled at him. “Hm. I’m not jealous!”

Very convincing thought Muldoon. 

No, not jealous. She was fuming. Someone else?! Why was he telling her that? Lizzy really thought he liked her, and now he was interested in someone else? 

”Armstrong…” Please get there faster. I’m not ready to say it yet. 

Boy, did she feel silly when she realised Muldoon was talking about her.

She was the one he was interested in. 

”This person-“ Lizzy was finally on the same wavelength, much to the relief of both of them . “-I’m not sure she’s good enough for you.” 

“Oh, really?”  “I have some questions. Just to be certain.” The delighted grin was threatening to burst forth. She forced a neutral expression.

Keep it together.

“First question: is she pretty?”

“Very.”

“Intelligent?”

“She’s a clever girl, yes.”

“Meek and feeble?”

“Not even a bit. And you know fine that’s not what I would want.” Muldoon gave her that look she knew oh-so-well. “You’re pushing your luck, by the way.”

Lizzy laughed again, the real, uncontrollable laugh, and he finally smiled.

New Year’s Eve, or Hogmanay as she better knew it, had always been more magical than Christmas. No matter how bad things got, the moment the clock struck midnight had the promise of a new beginning, a fresh start. A chance to do better this time around. 

But she knew exactly what would happen this year on Nublar. The spell would break. They would go back to the visitor centre, back to work, and in a few days it would be as if this night had never even happened.

She needed to do something. Before it all ended.

“You alright in there?” He had noticed her smile fading. 

”Fine. Just thinking.”

Muldoon scoffed. 

“I know well enough that fine, very rarely means fine. Especially when it’s coming from you, my girl.” He stared her down. “What’s the matter?”

“It’s just…not fair.” Lizzy became aware she was whining, and hated herself for it.

She didn’t need to elaborate. He knew exactly what she meant. “I agree.”

Why couldn’t we have just met in Africa? 

”I don’t want to go back. Not yet.”

“Neither do I, but we have to, at some point.”

“Why, though?”  Muldoon hesitated, trying to word it as diplomatically as he could, to avoid upsetting her.

“Because there are rules that can’t be broken, and ultimately I’m responsible for your safety.” Damn this whole situation. “That is what it all comes down to.”

“Okay.” She reluctantly agreed. “Let’s go, I suppose.”

It’s not okay, it’s not okay at all.  A part of her had desperately hoped something would happen that night. Conditions were otherwise perfect. They’d likely never have a chance like this again for a long time. 

But it wasn’t meant to be.

Unless…

She had an idea. 

“Fire’s still going.” Lizzy stated flatly. “I’ll sort it out.”   The ground was too hard to kick dirt over it. But she knew Muldoon kept a couple of metal jerry cans in the back of his Jeep. Not InGen protocol, just old habits. 

One was water, one was gas. Labelled of course, but it was pitch black apart from the glowing embers nearby.

Don’t want to get these two mixed up. 

She unscrewed the lid of the first container and got a noseful of fumes. Then checked the second, and bingo, slightly stale water that smelled like the colour green. But it was much heavier than she anticipated, almost full. 

“Ooyah! Son of a bitch!” She’d tried to lift, lost grip, and somehow managed to trap her finger between the two cans with a bang. 

“Everything alright back there?”

“It’s fine, under control!” Lizzy struggled to free herself, cursing under her breath at her own clumsiness. Idiot. “Shitshitshit, come on!”

She eventually succeeded, dousing the remains of the fire with a quiet sizzle and a faint wisp of smoke.

Darkness.

Muldoon hadn’t started the Jeep yet, waiting for her, there wasn’t any light at all in the clearing.  She put the can in its place, then hung back by the tailgate, quiet and still. 

And in three…two…one…

Muldoon didn’t take long to twig that something suspicious was afoot.

”Christ’s sake, Armstrong, don’t do it!” He sounded exasperated. “If you’re planning on playing hide and seek in the dark again, I’m not having it this time.”

She didn’t answer.

If he wasn’t into this, he’d just wait me out.

Lizzy was very quickly proven right.

“I know exactly where you are.” He kept up a stream of expletives in her general direction as he slammed the driver’s door. “I’ve being doing this for years. I’m very good at it.” 

Come get me, then.

Lizzy didn’t even hardly dare breathe, placing her palm over her mouth to stay quiet.  Silence. 

For just a beat too long. 

Hang on, where the Hell is he? 

Lizzy realised she possibly no longer had the upper hand.  A tiny, deliberate, shuffle of gravel under heavy boots right next to her, that made her jump and flatten her body against the taillights with a small thump.

He was close. Much closer than she thought. And she’d just given herself away. 

“Got you.” Muldoon was attempting to sound put out, but he’d enjoyed that, as much was evident in his voice, she could tell. “Too easy.”

”Fair and square, mister. So, what are we going to do next?”

”You’re going to get in the Jeep, and we’re going back to the lodge.”

Lizzy leaned against the rear bumper, making the metal creak underneath her. Just so he knew exactly where she was.

”See, I don’t really feel like getting back in the Jeep right now, isn’t that a kicker?” She hoped the lip-bite was evident in how she coyly spoke. “What are you going to do about that?”

“I will pick you up.” Muldoon threatened. “Employee handbook be damned.” 

“If that’s the case, handbook out the window, then I think you should do more than just ‘pick me up.’” She mimicked. “I’d let you.”

“Lizzy.” Deep, exasperated sigh. “I am using your first name so you know how serious I am. Get in the Jeep.” 

She uttered the two words that she knew ahead of time would be the equivalent of a red rag to the park warden. 

“Make me.”

God, she could feel the annoyance radiating from him. He was bristling. 

But nothing could have prepared her for what happened next. 

Lizzy heard him tapping impatiently on the side panel of the Jeep, it felt like a countdown.

Should I be runni-?

“Right-“ He was fast.

She wasn’t fast enough. 

And really should have ran while she had the chance.

He was making good on his word that he would pick her up, willing or not, employee handbook, workplace code, the unspoken rules all thrown out of the window, never to be seen again. 

Muldoon went straight for her legs, grabbing handfuls of her through her jeans. Damn woman, she would get in the bloody car. 

Lizzy shrieked and flung out her arms, scrabbling for something, anything to grab onto, both hands found and gripped the sides of the Jeep tailgate. 

Muldoon was trying his best to pry her free while she barely clung on for dear life with her fingernails, not unlike a cat that was avoiding being stuffed into a cage and carted off to the veterinary surgery.

She felt the pressure on her legs ease, and thought he’d given up. She started to loosen her fingers on the cool metal. 

Then he found the backs of her knees with both hands, and pulled hard. But Lizzy wasn’t for letting go just yet. She still clung on for dear life like a very determined barnacle. 

“By Christ, you’re strong-“ There was a hint of desperation in Muldoon’s normally measured voice.

That did it.  Lizzy was gone then, she started laughing helplessly at the absurdity of what was happening, what events had led to this moment, and how ridiculous they must look.   She finally lost her grip all at once and slid ungracefully downwards with a thump, accepting defeat, still cackling.

Lizzy just knew Muldoon was shaking his head in exasperation at her in the dark, his accident-prone, walking disaster of an ethologist. 

“Sit up, you bloody lunatic.” But then her entire hand was grasped in his, pulling her upright into a sitting position. “For God’s sake, don’t bang your head. It might knock some sense into you, but I don’t fancy the paperwork.”

”It’s far too late for me.” Lizzy tried to catch her breath. “Would need to be one Hell of a bang.”

Realising the connotations too late, she snorted and muttered sorry as she tried to reason with her hair, patting it back into a more respectable shape.  

She felt two fingers under her chin, tilting her face upwards and she tensed, her breath caught in her throat.  “What am I going to do with you, Lizzy?”

The question was absolutely loaded.

”Anything you like.” She impulsively answered in a low voice.

She was euphoric, riding the high that had been building since the moment she stepped down out of the Jeep into the clearing, and honestly she just didn’t care any longer. 

They would never be alone again after New Year’s Eve. 

This was it. Her only chance for God knew how long. 

She had it bad, so bad for him. And she couldn’t really remember just then why this was such a terrible idea in the first place. Something about those damn rules…

Eh, never been one for the rules anyway.  Lizzy craned her neck upwards, stretching as far as she possibly could, relying on her intuition alone in the dark. 

She found what she was searching for and after a last moment of hesitation, she finally did it. She kissed him.  

He pulled away slightly, unsure. Lizzy felt sick that she’d misjudged horribly, and was starting to seriously panic with how she could possibly play this one off.

I…fell?

But she could have cried with relief when he apparently got over the surprise and began kissing her in return, leaning into her. Responding to her. 

It felt so right, so bizarrely normal, that Lizzy found herself briefly wondering why they hadn’t been doing this the whole damn time they’d known each other. 

Slow and hesitant at first. Then something simultaneously clicked for the both of them, and it turned into an altogether different experience. Urgent, messy, not at all careful, not what Lizzy was used to at all.

Lizzy feared the lamps would click on and flood the clearing with light at any second. Like they had to hurry before they were caught, as if John Hammond himself might pop out of the bushes, brandishing his cane, gotcha!

But it didn’t matter. This was what she’d needed. She hadn’t realised how much she needed it, that she wanted this so badly. For far longer than the past few months of living in Costa Rica.

She realised she didn’t mind so much anymore if she banged her head on the floor of Jeep. Repeatedly. In fact, at this moment in time she’d be glad of it. They might not make it back to the lodge. 

But as quickly as had happened, it was over. Fate had very different ideas for how the night would progress. 

He pushed a little too hard into her hips, and oh God it’s happening, forcing her backwards against the bed of the Jeep as Lizzy let her legs relax and fall further apart. It was evidently far too much for the built-in motion sensor, and the alarm in the vehicle began blaring like a police siren at ear-splitting volume, all lights flashing in unison. The Rex snorted and roared unhappily at the disturbance from the other side of the fence, only adding to the din.  The noise had the same effect as if someone had poured a bucket of ice cold water over them. 

“Shit-“ Lizzy shot upright, pulling away and covered her ears while Muldoon fumbled for the Jeep keys to stop the racket. 

Then silence. Deafening, smothering silence. Even the Rex was quiet. A single hadrosaur trumpeted in the distance.

She waited, unsure what to do next, she couldn’t read his expression in the dark, but he felt off. Something was badly wrong. 

“I’m taking you back now.” Muldoon said tersely. “I would really appreciate it if you just do what I ask this time.”

”Okay.” She knew better than to argue.

“That was out of order.” He continued icily. “That cannot happen again.” 

“Got it. Sorry.” Lizzy felt the heat rising in her cheeks. Goddamn embarrassment, flooding every cell. I can’t believe this. I’ve blown it. “I’m really sorry.” 

He didn’t respond as she shuffled into the passenger side and quietly buckled her seatbelt. He wouldn’t even look at her. She tried again, one last attempt. 

I’m using your first name so you know how serious I am. 

”Robert, I’m really sorry.”

Please believe me.

Please answer me.

She‘d never used his name before, ever. This wasn’t the pleading circumstances she wanted to use it for the first time. Not at all. 

Her efforts didn’t work. 

”Don’t do that.” Muldoon replied flatly, starting the engine while staring straight ahead. “We’ll deal with this in the morning.” 

Lizzy’s heart plummeted, her chest constricting, aching with that too familiar pain all over again.

Her stomach was flipping back and forth in sheer panic for the entire silent-and-not-in-a-good-way journey back to the lodge. 

She didn’t even bother trying for a goodnight as they parted ways to their own rooms. Neither of them did.  I’ve really done it this time.

Months of building a rapport, gone in an instant because of one false judgement. And what if he told Jeff what she’d done? What if anyone on the island, at InGen, found out what she’d done?

The rumours that had been swirling around would finally be true. There were names Lizzy would be called that she couldn’t just brush off anymore. Nobody would take her, or her work, seriously ever again. She’d be an outcast.

All terrible things. But worst of all was Muldoon refusing to acknowledge her. That was the reason she was trying her damnedest not to cry.  Stupid. Stupid, stupid idiot! 

It had turned out to be too much too soon. Maybe too much ever.

Why do I always do this? Why do I always ruin everything? 

***

Thanks for reading!

If a particular anecdote sounds familiar, I mayyyyy have drawn some inspiration from George of the Jungle (this is very important for later 🎶)

The story I envisioned Muldoon telling Lizzy is along the lines of Peter Capstick’s black mamba in the latrine story from Death in the Long Grass. If you want some idea of just how funny it is, I’ve read it multiple times and know what’s coming almost verbatim. I still laugh every time I read it.

And hearing Muldoon calmly recount one of the many times he’s almost checked out early would be, I imagine, quite hilarious.

I can’t believe I finally got to post this chapter. It’s been here since the very first draft, it’s quite special to me as New Year, or Hogmanay as we call it, is a much bigger deal in Scotland. A very important tradition is the first foot, which is supposed to bring you good fortune for the year ahead.

…I guess they did it wrong.