#to be clear he has NOT said or insinuated those things
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becomingkatie · 5 months ago
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I went down to Brevard a few weeks ago to visit my mom. She's taken up pottery and arranged for me to have a lesson at her studio. It was a really nice visit overall - I love love that area and I hadn't seen her place since she moved there a year or so ago.
Ken and I have become recluses since covid. We got used to not going out, and now going out feels overwhelming and hard, especially for him. I'm going a bit crazy feeling like we don't go places and do things. There's a bowling alley near our place - like so close I pass by it any time I go out for a walk basically. I've been saying for ages that we should go, and Ken grumbles and grumbles because he doesn't want to. After a week where I basically had a breakdown in tears of "I can't keep living like this," we went bowling. Surprise, surprise - he had a great time. I hurt my wrist. But it was still fun!
My birthday was last Friday and Ken made this espresso chocolate chip cake (recipe is Sally's Baking Addiction) and it is sooo tasty.
Aaand writing this post out I feel my throat squeezing and eyes burning. I feel like there's some crying to be done. I just don't feel happy lately. I'm not happy with the life we've fallen into, and I'm just having a rough time. I discontinued my anti-depressants maybe a month ago, and I feel good about that decision. I don't feel depressed - I am sad and frustrated with some specific things, but not generally like "I can't get up and do the laundry, that feels too hard" kind of depression. But the withdrawal has meant some irritability and the WORST restless legs. And sleeping poorly night after night after night doesn't help me feel better.
Anyway, things aren't really that bad. But I'm feeling pretty disappointed in my life lately. Trying to make some different choices to stop it from stagnating in this place where I'm unhappy. And even through all that disappointment, there have been some really good things, like kayaking around a lake with my mom, and eating green beans I grew in the garden, and taking a cold shower after a long walk in the hot, humid summer air.
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gyuzgrl · 9 months ago
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off the market ||csc||
summary- You have a crush on your favourite customer. He's big and kind and pretty and god the things you wanted to do to him were unholy. Little do you know, he feels the exact same way.
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"welcome!"
That's all you said. All you could say. All it took for Seungcheol to fall hopelessly in love.
He was a regular at your pet daycare center. Him and his puppy Kkuma were there virtually every day, either to pick up a treat or to drop her off in your care for the day.
It was safe to say they were you favourite customers. Sure the dog was cute, but lord, Seungcheol had you acting like a schoolgirl whenever he came around. With his deep voice, his charming smile and god those arms- how could you resist?
You were almost certain however, that he wasn't interested. Sure, you'd caught him staring at you a couple times, sure it was a little odd how he'd tip you a small fortune every now and then, sure his hand lingered on yours for longer than necessary when paying, but there was no way, you were sure. No way a man like him was still on the market.
So you loved him from afar.
Well, as far as he'd let you go, at least.
"Kkuma!" you beamed, reaching out to take the eager fluff ball from Seuncheol's arms.
She snuggled into you, tongue lolling out as you scratched behind her ears.
"spoilt little princess, this one"
You look up to find Seungcheol's gaze fixed onto you.
"y-yeah, she's a little diva, aren't you baby?" you coo, "dropping her off again, Mr Choi?"
He hums, reaching closer to ruffle her fur, "work's gotten a bit much these days- timings are crazy y'know"
Your breath hitches at the sudden proximity. His hand was aimed at the dog, sure, but it was so close- ghosting over the plush skin of your upper chest.
Sucking in a sharp breath, you steady yourself.
"I can uh, I can imagine, sir. I'll keep her safe, don't you worry"
You say it out of duty, but something about that title has Seungcheol fighting demons in his head. Sir. Sir, you call him, like it's the simplest, sweetest thing in the world. Little do you know, behind the crescents of those pretty doe eyes, his thoughts are nothing but pure filth.
Hesitantly, he pulls away, clearing his throat.
"I'll be back in a couple hours, shouldn't be too long... thanks for keeping her"
"it's my job" you laugh, "you're paying me aren't you, sir?"
He coughs, eyes darting all over. Sir. There you go again.
"I'll um- I'll get going. Bye, y/n"
He turns around too quickly to see the crimson hue diffusing across your cheeks. God you loved the way he said your name. It rolled off his tongue so easily.
"bye-bye!" you call after him.
All your interractions had been similar to this. He'd stop by, make polite conversation and leave. But still, still your heart thudded in your chest at the thought of him. He was just so perfect.
A couple of hours later, you hear the door open. It's late at night, so your first instinct is to grab something sharp before you make your way to the cash register out front.
Meekly, you tiptoe outside, clutching a pair of kuromi scissors in your fist.
"y/n?" a familiar voice calls.
It's just Seungcheol. Good.
You breathe a sigh of relief, walking out right away as you greet him with that million dollar smile of yours.
"welcome!"
"hope Kkuma wasn't too much of a mena-" he pauses, glancing down at your hand, "what's up with the scissors?"
"oh- uh, nothing nothing, just as a safety measure- I didn't know it was you so..."
He tenses, unsure of how to feel. On one hand, you insinuated that you felt safe around him, while on the other, you think you're unsafe in the store.
"can I walk you home?"
You're stunned. Your legs feel like jelly and you can barely process his words.
"can you what"
"walk you home. If you feel uncomfortable walking alone this late, that is. I live a minute away, and it really wouldn't be a hassle to step out for a seco-"
"I couldn't ask that of you sir," you interrupt, "it's not that big of a deal either way"
"you aren't asking. I'm offering. and it is a big deal, y/n. I want you to be safe, to feel safe."
Oh that one went straight to your cunt.
"I-" you hesitate.
"look, I'm here almost every day anyways- if that makes you feel any better. if you're gonna refuse, don't do it 'cause you think I'd be inconvenienced. I won't." he says, now gently prying the scissors out of your grasp, "but if you honestly just don't want me to walk you home, I'll back off"
"no it's not that-" you add, urgently.
"how 'bout we try it out today, and you tell me if you wanna continue, that okay?"
You nod, lowering your head in a lame attempt to hide the furious red glow of your cheeks. Seungcheol seems to have noticed already, though. He places the scissors onto the register beside you, and turns to look into your eyes.
When he finds you staring up at him already, he's pleasantly surprised. There's a long silence- a pause in time- and the air around you stills. It's just you and him, gazing into each other's eyes, gauging what the other feels.
He must not know how intimidating his stare is, considering how he refuses to look away. That is until, of course, he spies movement in his vision.
Your hands are shaking. You didn't know they were, until Seungcheol's gaze leaves your own, dropping to your trembling hands.
He steps closer.
"your hands are all jittery today" his voice is low and gentle, "why're you so nervous?"
The space between you lessens as he moves closer, his hand reaching over to hold your trembling one, interlacing his fingers with yours.
You suck in a sharp breath, letting it go in a staccato shudder.
"do I make you nervous?"
Your eyes, wide and round, dart across the room, opting to look anywhere but at him.
"do I?" he pushes, squeezing your hand.
"I-" you start, "I just um- it's a bi-"
Your words are cut off by a shrill bark.
Fuck. Kkuma. You forgot about Kkuma.
"Kku-Kkuma," you stutter, ripping your hand out of his grasp, "I gotta get her out"
He groans, his arm chasing after you as you whip your head around and scurry into the play room. He was so close- he almost got through to you.
His frustrations subside instantly, however, when you return, carrying a sleepy Kkuma in your arms. How the little puppy nuzzled into you, so safe and comfortable, made Seungcheol's heart ache. Kkuma's instincts were never wrong.
"c'mere princess," he coos, and you look up at him with wide eyes. Did he just-
His eyes are on you, knowingly. "missed me, didn't you Kkuma?"
Oh. Right. The dog.
Seungcheol's gaze remains fixed on you, a teasing smirk playing at his lips as you draw closer.
"you're all red" he grins, "here lemme take her" Before you manage to protest, his hands graze the skin of your forearm as he scoops Kkuma out of your embrace and into his.
It was brief, the contact, but you felt something akin to electricity when his fingertips touched your skin. The glow on your cheeks only brightened in response and he bit back a laugh.
"I'll- I should lock up"
"mm you go do that,"
Even with your back turned, you can feel his eyes burning into you, an attentive stare watching all your actions- how you locked up the register, switched off the lights, reached up to pull your shutters closed.
It was endearing to him. You worked so hard everyday, did so much all alone. All he wanted was to help, really.
So he does.
As you nod towards the door, signalling that you're ready to head out, Seungcheol follows.
You pull the main entrance closed, reaching up on tiptoes to yank the outer shutters down, struggling to hook your fingers into the handle. He notices. Of course he does.
Silently, he brushes up against you, his chest dangerously close to your back. His arm extends above your own and he pulls the handle down with ease.
Your brain short circuits.
"what are y-" you gasp, turning around to face him. The air he breathes out fans across your face and his eyes are set on you. This was dangerous. The proximity between your bodies, the warmth of his breath, the way his eyes darted down to your lips- it was too much.
"y/n,"
"yes?"
There's a pause. Seungcheol's brows scrunch up as if he's trying to find the right words to say.
"you don't have to think so hard, Mr Choi," you offer, staring up him with wide eyes.
"Seungcheol." he states, "call me Seungcheol"
You're so taken aback you miss the desperate "please" he adds in at the end of his sentence.
"Seungcheol,"
"sounds so pretty when you say it"
There's a pull between your bodies. It's gradual and painfully slow, but you both feel it. He leans in, eyes darting to your lips, and your eyes flutter closed.
Hot breaths fan your face as you wait for him to kiss you, each exhale burning against your skin.
"is this okay?" he murmurs.
You try to say yes, to say something, but all that comes out is a shaky exhale. Lips parted, lashes fluttering, you looked so pretty. He couldn't resist the way you drew him in.
Slowly inching closer, Seungcheol presses his lips to yours in a soft kiss. It's tentative, hesitant, almost, like he doesn't want to scare you away. His plump lips cradle yours so gently, it's like he's barely even there.
You draw back, breathing hard. "we shouldn'-" you start, turning your head away, before he cups your jaw and pulls you in once again.
This time he works urgently against you, sucking at your lower lip so fervently, it leaves you breathless. Any semblance of doubt leaves your mind, and you pull him closer, fisting his shirt.
It takes everything in you to hold yourself together when his tongue licks at the seam of your mouth, demanding entrance. While he explores the hollow of your mouth, your hands roam the expanse of his broad shoulders, feeling each hard-earned muscle tense under your touch.
Your lungs burn for air, pleading for sustenance, even for a second, but his grip on you stays firm, holding you in place. Feeling woozy from the lack of oxygen, you have to push him away, almost, fisting his hair with one hand and tugging him back.
Finally, you breathe.
"woah, there-" he grins, when your knees buckle, causing you to faceplant into his chest.
You groan, muffled by the fabric of his shirt.
"c'mon, let's get you home, hm? we should probably sit down and uh, talk." he mutters, motioning between you and him, "about this, I mean"
"yeah let's- let's go home"
The walk is surprisingly pleasant. Any expected awkwardness, any uncomfortable tension, seems to have vanished.
You chat as you walk side by side, Seungcheol holding Kkuma's leash while you hold onto his free arm. It's painfully domestic, honestly. Your heart thuds violently in your chest with every step you take with him.
"...and then she told Hansol to call her his cutie sexy baby- you should've seen the look on all our faces, I wanted to quit my job then and there-" he shivers as he narrates an incident to you, and you giggle away like a schoolgirl. The way Seungcheol made you smile so effortlessly was commendable. No matter when he showed up, what he said, where he was going, he always made you smile.
"poor him," you offer, sympathetically, grinning from ear to ear as you neared your apartment. "this is me,"
"if you're tired from today, we can talk sometime else, oka-"
You interrupt him with a tiny peck on his lips, earning a look of disbelief in response.
"god help me"
Which is how you've found yourself here- stumbling out of the elevator with his lips pressed on yours, hands grabbing feverishly at the flesh of your hips.
"wai- Seungcheol hold on-" you giggle, fumbling to thumb in your house code.
He backs away, pouting and looks down at Kkuma apologetically.
"come in"
There's a hint of tension in the air now, with everything becoming far more tangible than before. This is happening. This is real.
You beckon him over to the couch, letting Kkuma settle on a rug somewhere in the kitchen, slowly drifting to sleep.
He sits beside you, leaving respectful distance.
"I uh, I don't want this to seem like I'm just fucking around- I don't usually do this,"
"do what?"
"this" he motions between your bodies. "I've been wanting this, wanting you, for so long you have no idea"
"oh-" You feel the breath knocked out of your lungs. Seungcheol felt the same way you did? He's wanted you for all this time, just like you've wanted him?
"I'd like to take you out on a date. Properly. I really like you, y/n-"
It's a miracle you don't melt into a puddle of mush then and there.
Choi Seungcheol. Hot customer. Has feelings for you.
"and it's okay if you don't feel the same way- really- I just uh, didn't wanna kiss you and leave things unspecified"
"I-" you start, staring up at him as you searched for the right words to say, "I like you too"
His face softens, a soft smile taking over his lips. You feel an all too-familiar heat growing between your legs.
"I'm glad"
The distance between your bodies is bridged by his hand- a galiant soldier crossing borders into foreign territory. It slides over yours, interlacing your fingers in a firm knot.
A sharp breath puffs out your lips, and all you can do is say his name. You aren't sure why, you aren't sure what you're asking for, but you call him- your voice airy and desperate.
"Seungcheol,"
"hm?"
Words escape you. There's nothing you can find in yourself to say. You stare into his eyes, watching the way the brown of his irises hold your picture within them.
"oh, sweetheart..."
And his lips are on yours.
Seungcheol guides your hand to his shoulder, sliding his own to your waist as he draws you closer. The way your lips mold against each other is nothing short of perfect, like you were made for eachother.
He nips at your lower lip, dragging it as he pulls back ever so slightly, and you can't help but moan. He grins. Your face grows beet red and you pull away, panting, embarrassed.
"you're adorable, y'know that?"
"shut up"
"you've got a lotta attitude for someone who can't handle more than a little teasing"
"I- I can handle more" you argue, brows furrowing as you shuffle closer to him.
"oh?"
Your eyes widen.
"n-no I didn't mean it like tha-"
"like what?" he smirks. "how'd you mean it then?"
You lower your gaze, opting to stare instead at the fabric of his trousers. Seungcheol hooks a digit under your chin and tilts your head right back up, forcing you to look at him, cheeks burning.
"who're you hiding from, hm?"
"m'sorry," you breathe, looking at him through your lashes.
"I wanna make you feel good," he mumbles as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ears. "may I?"
It's a simple thing- asking for permission- but it has your heart fluttering. He asks you 'may I?' like he's at your mercy. Like you have him bewitched. He'd do anything and everything you ask of him, now more than ever.
You nod, leaning in to kiss him yet again, before he lifts you off the couch and into the bedroom. His strong arms hold you steady, and all your worries fade away. All the questions in your head dissipate, until all that's left is him.
Only him.
"this okay?" he murmurs, placing you on the bed.
"more than okay"
"I'm gonna take this off now, hm?" Deft hands slide up your torso, lifing your shirt off to reveal the lacy bra underneath. He has to pause for a moment to compose himself at the sight.
"so pretty,"
"Seungcheool" you whine, tugging his hands to your breasts, "touch me"
Any resolve he'd built up, to control himself for you, comes crumbling down.
Like a man starved, Seungcheol devours you, placing hungry, open-mouthed kisses along your stomach as he trails his lips to the cup of your bra.
He kisses the swell of your breasts, while his hand slides under your back, unclipping the garment with ungodly precision. You gasp when your nipples brush against the loosened fabric, sensitive and hard.
"fuck," he drawls when he tosses your bra aside to reveal your bare chest. Seungcheol kisses the tender skin, taking one of your nipples into his mouth while his hand caresses the other, pinching at the sensitive bud.
His actions elicit a whine on your part, back arching into him with every swivel of his tongue, every pinch of his fingers. There's a dark grin painted across his handsome face when he pulls away, looking down at you.
"look so pretty under me, sweetheart"
You turn away, bashfully, feeling small under the weight of his stare. It's hot, how Seungcheol's self-assurance radiates off of him. He's confident but not pushy, not arrogant like the other boys you've been with. The prolonged eye contact feels more intimate than anything you've ever experienced- just you and him, gazing at each other like the world outside is a problem for another day. Right now, nothing exists but the two of you.
A hand travels down the valley of your breasts to the hem of your pants, teasing the skin right under the waistband. He wants to savor this, to savor you. But god you're so desperate he can't bear the thought of dragging this out any longer.
"gonna make you feel good, yeah sweetheart? would you like that?"
"please" you whimper, rubbing your thighs together.
Anticipation swells in your belly as Seungcheol crawls down to face your cunt, keeping his eyes fixed on yours with each sultry motion. He grasps the button of your pants with his teeth, tugging it open before his hands slide them down your legs, fingers ghosting over the smooth flesh of your thighs.
"pretty, pretty girl"
Shamelessly, he spreads you open, rubbing along your slit through your soaked panties.
"fuck baby- you're dripping" he groans, pressing the fabric into your folds. Your body jerks at the touch, and you let out a pathetic whimper.
"all of this 'cause of me? such a good girl" he coos.
"all 'cause of you Cheol- fuck- only you"
That was it. Seungcheol considered himself a patient man, usually, but tonight? God, he wanted to rip those flimsy panties off of you and have you cum on his tongue again and again until you were crying.
In one swift motion, he leaves you bare, shoving your panties in his back pocket like some kind of trophy. His tongue finds your hole, dipping in just a little to collect your arousal before dragging it up to your clit.
"oh-"
You feel him grin against you, lapping at your clit slightly faster now. Your hands fly down to hold him in place, back arching as loud moans flood the room. You can't recall the last time a man has made you feel this good. Heck, you can't recall if they ever have.
"please- fuck don't stop don't stop," you whine, hips rolling up to match the rhythm of his tongue.
He groans when he realizes how you're using him for your pleasure, sending tingles across your skin.
"that's it, sweetheart- fuck that's my good girl" he mumbles against your cunt.
You feel your high approaching with the expert flick of Seungcheol's tongue, and you pull him closer in a desperate attempt to reach your orgasm. He senses you're close with the way your thighs begin to tense and quiver under his hold, so he slyly slips a finger into you, without warning, sending you straight over the edge in seconds.
Your voice breaks as you moan, head tipping back into the pillows as he pumps his finger in and out of your heat, working you through your orgasm.
"there we go, pretty- just like that, shit"
Seungcheol licks you clean, sending sparks shooting up your spine, before drawing back up to your lips to pull you into a messy, sticky kiss.
You taste yourself on his tongue, moaning as he licks into your mouth like he'd die if he didn't. The friction against your bare skin draws you back to reality, and you realize he's still clothed
"w-wait-" you pant, planting your hands on his chest.
He pulls away, eyes fluttering back open in confusion.
"what's wrong? d'you wanna sto-"
"no!" you interrupt, eyes widening. "not at all- I just..." you trail off, tugging at his shirt.
He chuckles.
"you just?"
"y'know" you reply, coy as ever, grasping his shirt once again.
"words, sweetheart, gotta tell me what you want" His voice is teasing, playful.
"your- your shirt..." you pout.
"mhm what about it?"
You glare up at him, brows setting into a deep frown. "don't be mean c'mon,"
"say it and I'll stop, promise"
"t-take your shirt off," you mutter, blushing wildly, "wanna see you"
He cocks a brow at you and you hastily add in a desperate "please", leaving him satisfied. Without wasting any more time, he settles back on his knees for a moment, yanking his shirt off to reveal his sculpted form.
Your mouth hangs open.
Sure, you figured he was fit- those arms were a dead giveaway- but this took the cake. Hard, chiseled muscles greeted you, sculpted by the gods themselves, and you felt your mouth water.
"oh wow" you breathe, reaching up to touch him and feel those muscles for yourself.
He grins, hovering back over you.
"perv"
"have I told you how much I like you?"
There's a pause, before you break out into a fit of giggles, grinning at each other like two lovesick teenagers.
Seungcheol shimmies his pants off too, kicking them away, leaving only his boxers on.
"are you gonna-"
"eat you out again? yes. yes I am."
You smack his chest, rolling your eyes.
"you can do that tomorrow- I wanna... wanna feel you," you whisper, "wanna feel you in me"
He mutters a quick "fuck" under his breath, hastily shoving his boxers down as he balances his weight on one arm.
"are you sure, sweetheart?"
"mhm"
"anytime you wanna stop jus-"
"just tell you, yes sir" you quip, rolling your eyes yet again, only this time, you take notice of the way his gaze darkens at your words.
Oh this is going to be fun.
"sir," you whine, rolling you hips up into his, "please- please fuck me I've been good, haven't I?"
You're unsure of where this sudden boost of confidence has come from, but Seungcheol's blown pupils and parted lips spur you on.
"I'll be so good for you, sir- promise," you pout.
"do you even- fuck do you even know what you're doing to me right now?"
"mhm"
"brat-" he snarls, dragging his cock against your folds. You moan, losing whatever semblance of power you managed to build.
"that's better,"
You're about to bite back, say something mean, but he interrupts, pushing his dick inside you, slow but firm.
"you're- fuck you're so big" you whimper, eyes welding themselves shut at the stretch of your walls. "it won't f-fit"
"I'll make it fit, I promise baby I won't hurt you, hm?"
You nod, tears welling up in your eyes when he pushes further. He was huge. Your toys had nothing on him. Nothing.
"shh sweetheart you're doing so well for me," he coos, pressing in until he bottoms out.
Your eyes brim over and you sniffle, trying to accomodate his size. It takes a minute, with him kissing your tears away and mumbling into your hair, but you finally give him the green light.
Automatically, his hips draw back and snap into you, thrusting in and out at a steady pace. His size was overwhelming, almost. He hit your g-spot effortlessly with each inward motion, and your brain fuzzed over with pleasure.
All you could think, all you could say, was him.
seungcheol, seungcheol, seungcheol- you chanted his name like a prayer, any notions of god, of a higher being, leaving your mind with him taking their place.
He held your life in the palm of his hand, commanding metaphorical deaths with his body. You'd be happy to die in his arms every night, and rise like phoenixes with the sun- souls unified after the previous night's escapades.
The steady but firm edge to his thrusts have you sobbing, crying on his dick, begging for something even you aren't sure of. Your cries echo through the room, followed by the sound of skin on skin. Your neighbours won't like this one bit, you'll definitely be in trouble tomorrow, but you can't bring yourself to stop.
He just feels so good.
"s-seungcheol I- please m'so close please please ple-" you sob, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him even closer.
He leans into your lips, capturing them between his own. It isn't a kiss. Your mouths hang open, moaning and sighing into each other with breaths so hot you feel like you're on fire. Like you're alive.
Distracted by the heat generated by your enmeshed breaths, you fail to notice how his hand creeps down to your clit. You cry out when his fingers make contact with the sensitive flesh, rubbing tight circles into you as his thrusts increase in speed.
"m'gonna- sir m'gonna cu-" you moan, cutting yourself off when you feel your body slip into pleasure. Your throat has gone bone-dry, like the last time you touched water was when you were in the womb.
"shit-" he curses, using you to finish himself off, before quickly following suit and finishing on your thighs.
"you're so beautiful- you're so goddamn beautiful" he rambles, collapsing on top of you.
Your throat hurts, and all you can do is wheeze as you try to soothe your burning lungs.
He notices, and grins to himself, ripping his body off of yours- "wait here, I'll be back".
He's gone for a minute, before returning with a towel and some water. "here" he says, holding the glass to your lips as you shuffle to sit up, "drink."
While you do that, he crawls back between your legs and gently wipes away the mess he made on your thighs.
It's basic decency, you know it is, but you can't help the way your heart flutters at how caring Seungcheol is.
"thank you" you murmur, cringing at the sting in your throat.
He looks confused for a moment.
"f-for cleaning me up"
God you were so cute. He couldn't bear it any longer.
"I always will, you don't need to say anything, sweetheart"
You blush, for the nth time that night, grinning from ear to ear as you're hit with realisation.
Choi Seungcheol is officially off the market.
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klausysworld · 11 months ago
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Do u think u could make something where Klaus after he's become the hybrid goes round innocent readers house and reader just has like 2 or 3 massive dogs like Rottweiler, great Dane, Newfoundland, a breed like that, like, how would he be with that after he'd recently unlocked his wolf side and he's just like, really territorial over reader then the dogs become more territorial over reader, just something along those lines.ALSO, if this doesn't make sense then I'm really sorry and I love your writing❤
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They’re Just Puppies!
Y/n didn’t ever have Klaus round her house, she said that it was too small and that he wouldn’t like it. Klaus told her it was ridiculous and if it belonged to her then he would love it but she continued to refuse.
Begrudgingly he let it go.
Until of course he unlocked his wolf side. Once his beast was in control, he was able to smell the other canines on her. His wolf did not like that at all. So naturally he would rub as much of his scent on her as possible, ensuring that any being with a nose would be able to smell him everywhere.
She never questioned it and just enjoyed the affection, she would snuggle against him and bask in his warmth.
But then as soon as she got home, her dogs would become confused and alarmed by the smell of another animal on her and would ensure to clean the scent off as best they could.
To Klaus’s wolf this was a competition, whoever or whatever was marking her was challenging him and he didn’t take it lightly.
He made sure to have her on him all the time, sat on his lap or held in his arms. He would have her dress in his clothes and would insist she kept them.
Y/n remained oblivious to the territorial nature of Klaus’s behaviour, she hadn’t been in a relationship before and assumed everyone was as protective and possessive over their lover like he was. So she fed into it and happily and would wrap herself up in his henleys, she’d shower at his house and use his soap like he told her to and snuggled up in his sheets so that every inch of her skin smelt of him.
Klaus was glad at her willingness, it eased his mind but he would still smell the dogs on her and he couldn’t distinguish if it was wolf or your average pet. A brief wondering of her being a werewolf passed his mind but she was far too docile and sweet to have ever killed someone. Even if her wolf side were dormant he couldn’t imagine her ever unlocking it and he didn’t want her to unless she absolutely had to. No he’d make any kills necessary for her so that she may remain innocent.
Her innocence made her so easy to love, she just wanted to be with him and curl up in his hold. When he was angry she would just hug him and apologise for things that weren’t her fault and she would defend his actions with everything she had. Klaus in return would ensure that not an ounce of harm should ever come to her. She didn’t deserve any suffering.
The only time her innocence became slightly frustrating was when Klaus tried to insinuate anything sexual. To begin with his hints and touches weren’t acknowledged at all but gradually he made himself more clear and introduced her to new feelings.
His wolf especially loved to push her limits, loved to claim her as his own and fill her with his love.
After a while, Klaus managed to convince Y/n to let him come to her house.
When she opened the door, three big Rottweilers were immediately all over her. Klaus’s wolf let out a low growl as she giggled and stroked the dogs, calling them all ‘good boys’. Those two words made his wolf snap, he pulled her back into his arms and pressed himself tightly against her. She laughed and look up at him with a smile.
“They won’t bite, they’re gentle really I promise” she told him, unaware of the way they all bared their teeth at Klaus.
Their mouth shut as soon as she turned to them and a flow a whined left them, their tails wagging as they begged for her attention.
She pulled away from Klaus making him frown. She proceeded to lead her dogs to the kitchen and fill their bowls but they were more interested and getting Klaus’s scent off of her skin.
The hybrid did not like this at all. He flashed his golden eyes at one of the dogs which resulted in one of them growling threateningly and biting ur teeth at him. Y/n told the pet off and apologised with a confused tone. “People don’t really come over so maybe he just doesn’t like you in the house” she murmured, stroking the dogs head lovingly making Klaus’s wolf whimper.
Eventually he had her away from them and instead pressed against the couch.
The Rottweilers stayed on the floor, a serious of quiet growls sounding from them as they watched Klaus push his tongue into Y/n’s mouth. She would whine and moan softly, her legs wrapping around him and hands in his hair. Klaus would glance at the dogs every now and then, his gaze threatening and deliberate as he rubbed his hands against her body.
His mouth attacked her neck next, purposefully making those dark marks that ranged from red to blue along her neck. Y/n whimpers his name on repeat, her fingers tugging his curls desperately.
Eventually one of her pets got frustrated enough and came over, growling and snapping its teeth at Klaus.
Immediately he snarled back and pulled away, letting his hybrid features take over his face.
“Klaus!” Y/n gasped “stop, they’re puppies” she cried, pushing him off and letting one of her Rottweilers jump on beside her. Klaus’s jaw clenched as he watched her hug and kiss the animal of the head, smiling and whispering to him.
“That is not a puppy” he grumbled and she looked up at him sadly
“You don’t like him? Any of them?” She asked quietly, and Klaus’s expression changed. Would she leave him if he didn’t get on with the dogs?
“I- not yet! But maybe, I just don’t know them” he cleared his throat and reached out to pet the dog only for it to grab his hand with its teeth.
“He’s just playing, come on drop” she commanded and the dog let go of his hand, happy to get praise and pets from Y/n. Klaus narrowed his eyes but smiled when she looked his way. Silently he pulled her into his lap and hummed
“How about we go upstairs?” He proposed and she nodded
“Sure, now?” She asked
“Mhm definitely” he mumbled whilst picking her up and quickly taking her upstairs and into her room. He dropped them both onto her bed and crawled on top of her with a soft sigh of relief. The moment was short lived as all three dogs jumped up beside them, laying down on her bed and wagging their tails knowingly.
Klaus groaned and laid on top of her, squishing her and making her giggle. “What’re you doing” she whispered and he mumbled
“Do they have to be in here?”
“They sleep here” she told him with the tilt of her head
“I know sweetheart but currently I don’t plan on sleeping right now love. We can let them in…later” he moaned and she sighed
“Fine but…they’ll cry”
“Doesn’t bother me” he replied easily
“Okay” she whispered as she moved from under him and ushered her boys out of her room and shut the door. Klaus grinned and tackled her back to bed, kissing her all over and pulling the covers over them. Y/n let out a giggle and pressed her lips to his.
Just as Klaus’s hands got to her panties, the handle of the door went. Y/n tensed and Klaus’s head shot up. He look in the direction only to find the Rottweilers stood in the doorway, tails wagging and tongues hanging.
“Why didn’t I see that coming?” Klaus uttered to himself, staring blankly at the animals and wondering how he would figure this out.
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strawberrystepmom · 5 months ago
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yami x f!noble reader. cw smoking, sex insinuated, misogyny and mentions of marriage as well as fertility but not on yami's part. i just like these two sorry for party rockin | wc 1.1k, divider thanks to @cafekitsune
you can read more about these two here
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“I know it’s impolite to ask but what happened between the two of you?”
Yami chuckles, shoulders pressed against the rickety headboard behind him. 
“Who?” He asks, well aware of what you mean despite his attempt to seem unsure. You sigh, turning to look at him. 
“Charlotte.”
A moonbeam pours in over the two of you, the room otherwise dark and silent, the stillness emboldening you to finally ask him some questions. Tightening the sheet that is wrapped around your body, you dare glance up at him to find him already staring at you, as though he’s trying to figure out why you’d ask in the first place.
“Sometimes things just don’t work out,” he shrugs flippantly. You get the sense that he’s downplaying but keep it to yourself, wide eyes watching his every movement. “We were more different than we thought and decided to go our separate ways and it has been mostly fine.”
Perhaps it’s naivety (or the four failed engagements) but you believe that you understand what he means, nodding slowly. You’ve always viewed love as an ever changing puzzle, similar to the one in your father’s study at home. A wooden frame holds ceramic sliding tiles and you position them again and again until a picture is clear and in front of you - what you’ve been looking for the entire time. 
You blink hard and glance down at your hands, once again pulling the linens over your exposed cleavage. Goosebumps prickle your skin, forcing you to dive further under, and he notices and pulls you against his warm side.
“Since we’re asking questions all of sudden, how about you?” He raises a brow, sliding lower into the bed and giving you room to rest your head against the firmness of his stomach. “Four is damn near impressive.”
Mirroring his prior shrug, you contemplate quietly what it truly means to tell four men you don’t want to marry them. Arrogant is what one told you and you found it hard to disagree when he was red cheeked and yelling at you. Frigid was what another said, accusing you of hiding potential issues with producing an heir for his family. A third said nothing but left you silently to consider your opinion of yourself, sitting in a wooden backed chair in the study where that slide puzzle rested on a table across from you while he cast you a disappointed glance.
The fourth and most recent you objected to before he could harm your ego further, refusing his offers of land and jewels. You have both of those things. You’re an heiress in your own right despite the sons your father has now sired amongst your 11 siblings. Physical means mean nothing to you when what you desire is deeper than gilded flesh. 
“I cannot commit to living a life where I will be unable to be who I am.” 
You finally answer after prolonged silence, giving yourself permission to be honest since he was honest with you. 
“So you don’t want to get married?” He asks, finally lighting a cigarette but politely blowing the smoke in the opposite direction of you. You shake your head, the back of it against his stomach, leaving you to look up at him. “The opposite, actually. I would love to be married and to have a family but not at the cost of myself and having to be misunderstood to maintain peace.”
He hums, a sound you believe is some level of understanding of what you mean, and inhales another puff. 
“What makes you so different from all the other noble girls?”
The question would be offensive if it were to be asked by anyone else but you know Yami. He’s rough around the edges and sometimes a bit too curt in saying what he means but there’s genuine curiosity not derision in his tone. 
“I’m apprehensive to say that I am all that different considering how similar our upbringings tend to be yet I feel like I’ve never quite fit in with them.” Your head remains resting in the cradle of his slightly bent middle, the cherry glow of his cigarette illuminating his face enough you can make out those wise eyes staring at your mouth. “I’ve never loved high society. It’s suffocating and everyone is very judgemental and most of them have already, probably correctly, theorized that I will be a spinster left to take care of my siblings for all my life.”
A chuckle rumbles through him in tandem with a shake of his head you can see thanks to the glow of his cigarette. He mumbles around the filter, one big hand coming to rest on the covered dip of your waist. “Don’t say shit like that. You’re pretty and smart and funny once you get to runnin’ your mouth so what’s the point in pretending you aren’t?”
Your face warms beneath his praise and your eyes dart away from him, choosing to settle on the specs of dust floating through the single beam of light shining through the room. You’ve already given him more of yourself than you intended and not simply your body, your feelings as well. There’s no turning back so you continue, feeling your heart beating in your throat while speaking.
“I believe it’s easier for me to make all of this my fault,” you nearly whisper, keeping your gaze locked on the ceiling above while you’re making a confession. “To believe there’s something wrong with me rather than the system we use to decide people’s value.”
Stamping out his cigarette against the windowsill with his free hand, he squeezes your waist with the occupied one and draws your attention back, leaving you blinking up at him.
“Well don’t. It doesn’t seem like you’re the problem here at all.” Another squeeze and your heart beats in time with it. There’s an easy smile on his face, one you can barely make out in the dim room, yet you match it with one of your own.  “I think you have plenty of time to find someone if you want to,” he continues. 
“I think the same of you, Yami.” An unexpected response. He raises a brow, sliding further down into the bed beside you. You remain with your head against him, tucked into his side, a large arm wrapped around your waist. “I think the woman who ends up with you will be lucky.”
Pulling you tighter against him, he considers your sentiment and hums.
“I guess you’ll have to ask her when that day comes if she’s lucky or not.”
You nod once, deciding to let silence win you both over as the night continues to fade away, hoping to prolong your time with him as much as possible without any further interruption.
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fleurrreads · 9 months ago
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the love you give . rhysand x reader
an: i absolutely love rhys and would absolutely burn down the world for him. god knows he deserves someone who would do for him what he’s done for others.
based on this request
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your relationship with rhys is complicated. you’ve been having this friends-who-coincidentally-make-love type of thing going on and you really don’t know how to talk to him about it. yes, he’s told you multiple times during sex how he loves you. but that can all just be the heat of the moment, right? surely the flutter in your heart didn’t mean anything?
just like today is no different. you watch rhys sit up from the bed, grabbing his pants and walking over to your dresser to get one of his shirts that he has recently started leaving in your room. ‘i’m here so much i might just as well start leaving my clothes in here’ he said one afternoon after your activities. it made your heart race, those silly little words.
“what’s going on in that brilliant mind of yours, angel?” rhys moves to sit down on the bed, caressing your hair. you’ve been debating telling him. telling him that he makes your world spin. that he basically *is* your world. the suppressed feelings bubbling over in your heart wasn’t going to be kept dormant for long. you know you have to let it out eventually. what better time than now?
“i’m just thinking about something i’ve been meaning to talk to you about. something i’m not sure i know how to say.” you’re fidgeting with your hands, a nervous tick you’ve acquired through the years. “i don’t know how to phrase this other than saying it flat out, rhys. i like you, a lot. we’ve been friends for so long and i’ve felt that you’re more than just my friend. i love you, rhys.” you don’t dare look at him, too scared of the reaction he might have on his face. you feel the tension before you can look at him, and then he does the unimaginable.
he laughs.
a loud, cackling laugh. you feel your whole body go cold. rhys stands up, nearly doubling over as he tries to gather himself. “post-sex emotions really got you bad today, huh? you’re even confessing your love to me now. that one is new right? we should add that to the list.” he smiles and you feel your whole world spin, not in a good way anymore. you feel like the air has been stolen from your lungs and tears prickle at your lash line. is this what he thought this was? your post-sex hormones being heightened and you confessing out of lust?
you swallow the lump forming in your throat, standing up from the bed and grabbing the nearest piece of clothing to make yourself decent. you need to get out. right now. “you’re right, this was a stupid idea to say this to you and think you’d care. hormones right?” a pathetic excuse for a laugh leaves your lips as you move to the door. you don’t see the smile drop from rhys’ face as you shut the door, making your way to your apartment, away from the townhouse, away from him.
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it’s been twelve days. twelve days since you’ve been near the house of wind, the townhouse, and anywhere near him. you couldn’t stand to see his face after he basically insinuated that your confession was that of lust and that you weren’t thinking straight. when in fact you were probably never thinking more clear than that moment. you love him. with your entire heart. it never occurred to you that your heart would be crushed by him too.
a hard collection of knocks rip you from your thoughts as you make your way to the door. amren always had a way of knocking like hell was at her tail, which it probably was now that you think about it… “yes, dear mother, amren you don’t need to knock the door down i’m-“ your voice is cut off as you’re face to face with rhys, a disheveled messy version of him at least. “what do you want, rhys?” your tone is cold, causing him to wince. he nods towards your living room, “can i come in, please? i need to talk to you.”
you nearly give him the loud and obnoxious laugh he gave you twelve days ago when he dismissed your feelings like that so easily. but you push the anger and hurt down, nodding. “make it quick.”
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a homemade cup of coffee in hand, rhys sits down on your couch with you on the opposite side. you don’t dare get too close. rhys meets your eyes, trying to decipher what might be going on in your head right now, what you must think of him. he’s had the roughest twelve days. he went over the conversation you had with him at least a hundred times, and each time he relived that look on your face he nearly cried. “i’m sorry for how i reacted that night. i should’ve never let you leave like that. i just didn’t want to believe it.” he says softly, softer than you’ve ever heard him speak. “believe what, rhys?” you tilt your head. “believe that you’d actually love me. this version of me. the one you get to see and others don’t. the side of me that makes me scared, and the one that i can’t show anyone without showing them i’m vulnerable. i couldn’t believe that you’d love that… that ugly part of me. i shouldn’t have said it was just lust clouding your mind. you and i both know you’re much smarter and more thoughtful than that. you wouldn’t just say things like that without meaning it and i should’ve told you this a few days ago already but i was afraid. afraid i messed it up before it could happen. before i could love you and declare it from the top of the snowy mountains.”
your tears are flowing as you look at rhys, really looking at him. he’s shaking, that nervous tick of yours now prominent on him as he’s picking his nails. your heart and mind is running at a million miles a minute and you take a deep breath to ground yourself before you take his hands in yours.
“rhys, i know this took a lot for you to say, and i know that you’re scared. i’m scared too. i’ve never felt like this with anyone before. i love every part of you, especially the parts you don’t show anyone else. it’s like i get a piece of you all to myself. that part of your soul. it’s more intimate than sex, it’s so raw and pure and natural that it feels like someone completely different. not the high lord of the night court, not the rhysand your family sees, just rhys. my rhys. those things don’t make you ugly, rhys. they make you strong, and powerful and amazing. that’s why i wanted you to know that someone can love those parts of you too. not just the charismatic, sarcastic persona you put on for your friends and loved ones. and not the cold, ruthless leader that the court of nightmares believes you to be. but just you. the true you. i love everything about you, all of it.”
rhys kisses you, passionately. you’ve never had a kiss like this with him. never one with such meaning as this. this one was different. as to say ‘thank you for loving me even when it’s hard to see why’ and you realise that you’d burn the world down for him if he asked. he deserves the world, and so much more. everything he has sacrificed for his people and his family, he deserves that same sacrifices made for him tenfold.
he cups your cheek, whispering so softly you nearly don’t catch it but it makes all the heartbreak and doing it all again worth it, “i love you. until my last dying breath.”
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i do not allow my works to be copied, put into any ai website etc.
shares and reblogs are highly appreciated! ♡
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prismatoxic · 8 months ago
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cause I need to hear more of your sweet thoughts bout those two freaks, favorite laichil moments that have been stewing in the back of the mind?
oh gosh ummmmm
well now that episode 11 is out i am so very deeply fond of laios's visual pan from kensuke to chilchuck's dawning, rage-filled horror at what's happened
i think the swearing was better in the manga--not because the anime let him say actual words (bc i think that's awesome) but bc in the manga i thought they were still running while chilchuck was doing this. good visual
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OF COURSE THE BEST EPISODE 11 CHILAIOS MOMENT... TO ME... is when chilchuck tells laios they're going to have a Talk later
the dub delivery kind of disappointed me (as it always does) BUT IN THE SUB the way laios immediately agrees is so very much, to me, a "yes sir" moment. and if you read my fic you know i'm very into this
i have a lot of little canon moments that i'm super fond of and am very excited to see in the anime... my faves are often when chilchuck is being a hostile little goblin but i'm so fucking excited about what i assume will be episode 13. you know. because
um
okay i have a lot of thoughts actually (MANGA SPOILERS I'M SERIOUS)
so. chapter 30.
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chilchuck goes to get the party's supplies from where they were abandoned in the house they had dinner with falin at, having his own character arc along the way. we have seen him try to convince both leed and senshi that the smartest thing to do will be to lie to laios and marcille so they can return to the surface. trying to continue in this state will kill them, but neither of them will rest if they think they can still find falin. neither senshi nor leed agree with chilchuck's plan, and leed insinuates he's a coward. chilchuck stays firm. even after he's clearly pushed off kilter by leed saying he should just tell the truth, we don't have any concrete reason to think he will.
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then they return and senshi is struggling to keep a now-awake laios down. laios is wounded and weak and senshi is a dwarf but laios is so deeply, fervently determined to get falin back that he's very hard to stop.
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chilchuck, by contrast, is not strong at all, but somehow his added presence gets laios to sit back down. chilchuck rests a hand on laios's shoulder and even before he says anything, laios is looking at him. he knows something is coming. i think he resents chilchuck for it, too--the implication that there's anything to be said here.
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we don't know at this point what chilchuck intends to say. senshi still thinks he wants to lie and intends to stop him, but i think it's clear in this moment that chilchuck has changed his mind.
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he kneels--proud, all-too-aware of "how his people are treated for their size" chilchuck kneels between laios's legs. and i'm not pointing this out for horny reasons, for once.
he's bringing himself closer to laios--assuming a position associated with pleading and willingly making himself not the authority in this interaction. he believes, wholeheartedly, in what he wants to do and what needs to be said, but...
he also knows laios is hurting.
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laios is... devastated. he's terrified. he's angry. but he's also still laios, and he knows chilchuck, insofar as chilchuck has allowed him to. he also respects chilchuck. so this--a teary-eyed plea to do what goes against everything he feels--gives him pause. chilchuck does not beg, and he does not cry.
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...and he never talks about how he feels.
but he does, here: he doesn't want to lose his friends. and he does mean all of them, senshi included. he has three people to think of--three people whose lives he cannot in good conscience allow to be put at risk any more than they already have been. even so, he acknowledges that however laios feels about falin is probably incomparable.
but he tries to give laios hope--he gives him a plan of action. he says we will come back. he tries to impress upon laios that this isn't defeat and it isn't surrender, it's being safe. it's giving themselves an actual fighting chance at getting falin back.
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laios doesn't want to... but he also doesn't say that. all the things he's feeling haven't gone away, but he's also aware of just how big this situation is if chilchuck opened himself up this way. chilchuck does not and never has done this. up until the fight with the red dragon, you could be forgiven for assuming chilchuck is just a contracted coworker who's a little fond of the party and nothing more.
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senshi and leed, the only people who knew chilchuck's plan to lie to the others, don't openly acknowledge his change of heart... but they back him up. they pitch in to push laios just a little further, to get him to agree.
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and it works.
so. um. episode 13 will be good i think
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mrscolinbridgerton96 · 3 months ago
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“The freakin’ London premiere- we all know that that was not supposed to happen; that was not okay.. and he still did it.”
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I’m sorry, but what is this “bad behavior” that she’s alluding to? What exactly did Luke do that could’ve offended her and other people so much? Someone please enlighten me. I really want to know how Luke showcased “bad behavior” at the London premiere. I’m genuinely curious.. because, I personally haven’t seen anything- and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’ll say that.
~
This TikTok is 3 and a half minutes long. If you want to watch the video, go right ahead! But for those who don’t want to watch the full thing, I’m gonna give you my thoughts on just a few of the things she said in her video.
She talked about how Luke should post something on social media to show more appreciation to the fans. In multiple interviews throughout the press tour for season 3, Luke has talked about how he appreciates every ounce of support and love that has come from the fans and how he can’t wait for everyone to see Colin and Penelope finally get together. But apparently… to some (unfortunately), that’s not enough. Just because he hasn’t posted about how grateful he is for the fans, that doesn’t mean that he’s not grateful. To insinuate that he’s “inconsiderate” because he doesn’t post on social media is diabolical to me; it is not only unfair but it’s unacceptable. At the end of the day, Luke doesn’t owe us a damn thing.
The second thing I want to share my opinion on very much relates to the first thing. This girl talked about how he should post something for Nicola and publicly show his appreciation for all the times she stood up for him. To the people who have said this (and trust me, this girl is not the only one who thinks this) and believe that he’s ungrateful for her defending him.. let me ask you ask you something: did it ever cross your mind that he showed his appreciation for all the times she expressed her (platonic) love and respect for him privately? I’m sure they talk and text each other a lot. There are other ways to show someone appreciation- and it’s (to me) even more meaningful when it’s not on social media. Just because he doesn’t post about on social media.. it does NOT mean that he is unappreciative. Nicola has defended him publicly because she’s a good person and knows that he’s a good person too. There’s a reason that Luke’s cast mates (most of them he’s known for 5 years) only have good things to say about him. Yet, there are “fans” who want devote so much time and energy to talk shit about someone they don’t even know.
Lastly, and this is something I’ve addressed a few times before. She asked, and I quote, “What is the bullying that according to some of you he’s experiencing? Where is the bullying?” The way I see it; in my opinion, by asking that.. she has made it abundantly clear that she has NOT been paying attention.
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I shared these screenshots back in July- they have since been removed from Twitter (I’m not calling it ‘X’ because it sounds like the name of a p*rn site). If any of this doesn’t count as bullying, then what the Hell is it? They weren’t complimenting him to lift his spirits up. He even said in an interview that he was verbally harassed for TWO YEARS because of Colin’s “I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington” comment at the end of season 2 (even though Colin Bridgerton is a fictional character)- last time I checked… THAT’S bullying.
~
She says that she’s “holding him accountable” when he hasn’t done anything wrong. Has Luke said or done something that truly IS problematic? If he has, I would gladly hold him accountable for it. However, I haven’t seen him do or say anything that is so awful that he has to be held accountable for it.
She also talked about how A would post something when Nicola posts something- she posts something; same with when the official Bridgerton account posts something and she would overshadow Luke. You can point all of that nonsense out all you want, but Luke has NO CONTROL over what she posts her posts on her own social media account and when she decides to posts it!! Regardless of how you feel about their age gap, she’s an adult who makes her own choices. She old enough to know to know right from wrong- just like the “fans” who have been harassing him for months.
One more thing, today.. she posted a TikTok about how Luke liked Nicola’s recent post and she was all giggly and excited.. with that being said, my mind is telling me one thing- that she is one of those people who only like Luke when he interacts with her on social media and/or is actually with her (whether it’s casual or in interviews). Now, I could be wrong; this is strictly my opinion- an observation, if we’re getting technical.
Overall thoughts: I know that Luke’s not a perfect human being and I never said that he was- no person living on this planet is perfect.. and I would 1000% hold him accountable if he did or said something that actually WAS problematic. But, from what I’ve seen.. he hasn’t done anything to deserve all of the negativity he’s been getting.
Now, if you’ll excuse me.. I’m gonna go take something for my migraine.
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sepublic · 10 months ago
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            I wanna analyze part of the exchange between Luz and the Titan, because I’m seeing some people misunderstand it by claiming the show is saying that Luz doesn’t need to self-reflect because she always means well, unlike THOSE guys (Nevermind everything she and others have gone through up until this point). Maybe I’m repeating the obvious, but;
         “I’m not so kind. When I saw the Collector fly up to Belos, I hoped with all my heart I would see them blast him away, and-”
         Here we have Luz insinuating that she’s not kind, simply on account of wanting Belos dead; Nevermind the fact that she has plenty of justified reason to want gone someone who has maliciously caused her and her loved ones so much pain, trauma, and agony across so much time.
         “Hey, I can relate. I was willing to do anything to keep my kid safe. But I attacked the wrong person, dragged the Collector down here for nothing.”
         The Titan does relate to feeling shame over ugly emotions like hatred and anger, which can make people lash out; Bringing up how those feelings brought him to make a terrible mistake that would have a lasting ripple effect on the Boiling Isles up until now.
         “Does that make us as bad as Belos?”
         At which point, Luz drops the question, the false equivalency that it’s fair for her to nevertheless entertain for the sake of self-reflection; Does her and the Titan feeling anger and even hurting people over it, or planning to, make them as bad as Belos?
         “What? Have you been drinking Eda’s homemade apple blood?”
         The Titan’s skepticism over this false comparison is self-explanatory.
         “Well, Belos says he’s trying to save humanity, and we’re saying we want to save our families, so isn’t that the same thing? Don’t- Don’t these feelings come from the same place?”
         When Luz says ‘feelings’, she’s very much talking about anger, even hatred; The kind that drives people to fight and even hurt others. Belos is angry, but Luz notes that so is she, as was the Titan, and all of them claim to do this over loved ones they’re worried about, right? That’s the ‘same place’ she’s referring to.
         “Well, you assume Belos’ goal comes from a genuine place. But, that man doesn’t care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion. And because of that, he fears what he can’t control.”
         That’s when the Titan clarifies the difference; The anger of the victim is not the same as the anger of the abuser. The anger of the oppressed is not comparable to the anger of the oppressor. Anger doesn’t necessarily make you the bad guy, especially when it moves people to do the right thing. Both Luz and the Titan are angry, yes; But they’re angry because they legitimately have loved ones, and themselves, who have been hurt, and are genuinely at stake here. They're still allowed to feel this way. They only want Belos dead because they can’t get him to stop hurting people, so this is the only option left to make him stop endangering others.
         Whereas Belos’ hatred is that of the colonizer; He never really had anyone at stake here. Humanity was never in any real danger, especially not Caleb, whom Philip consciously disrespects by going against everything Caleb stood for, despite Caleb having made it clear with an open-armed welcome that this would never have to exclude his love for his brother. Philip made the decision to choose a world over his brother, NOT Caleb who understood he should theoretically have both, as a parallel/foil to Luz who wants both, but is still struggling to accept she can have that.
         Dana confirmed at Pixelatl –and it’s fairly obvious even without said confirmation- that she based Belos off of televangelists, cult leaders, the conservative relative, etc. The first two especially are hardcore bigots, the kind who really double down on their prejudice, and actively make it happen on a larger scale; These are the kind of people who go past that reasonable point of being well-intentioned but misinformed about their biases.
         Yes, Luz and Belos are both angry, but Belos’ anger is that of the reactionary conservative, hence “fearing what he can’t control.” He claims to feel threatened, but unlike people like Luz who really are endangered and fighting for their lives, the only thing being threatened is Belos’ worldview of supremacy and self-righteousness, so like a lot of right-wing “morality police” and the like.
         In the end, TOH is calling out how bigotry did not start from a place of good intentions, which is fitting given Belos represents the type of OG bigot, the Puritans who were among many who made contact with the Native Americans and vice-versa; Prejudice was born as a way to justify narratives of power and control, by dehumanizing others and thus justifying their suffering and exploitation for the sake of those who ‘really’ matter. These narratives, when perpetuated, create self-fulfilling prophecies and issues that the misguided but well-meaning are concerned about, which leads them down flawed attempts to address these problems.
         This is to say people who genuinely mean well, who have been hurt and do have others at stake, can make mistakes; This very exchange reminds us that the Titan hurt the Collector, something she does nothing to justify, and something the viewers know was objectively wrong, and has deep consequences as we’re currently seeing. Luz and the Titan both contributed to the Collector falling into Belos’ hands, but while Luz was genuinely manipulated and didn’t realize what was going on, the Titan chose to lash out at a bystander because she couldn’t channel her anger successfully towards the Archivists.
         But the Titan has learned, and she’s recognized what she’s done as wrong, and she’s made efforts to undo and make up for that. And it’s important to remember how all of this was prompted by the genocide of the Archivists, who claim to be preserving life, yet destroy it when it does not heed their plans. People are still responsible on an individual level, but it’s also worth noting how the system can influence them, just as it did for Amity and Lilith. And the system was started by people who didn’t really have a system over their heads, or were rebelling against a different kind.
         It’s not as if TOH is saying you can’t mean well and make mistakes; So much of the show is about people meaning well and making mistakes, especially parents towards their children. And this is fitting since a well-meaning parent nevertheless hurting her child is the inciting incident of the series, and it’s something that is brought up and resolved in the previous episode between Luz and Camila. Hell, Luz herself understands that meaning well can hurt others, like when she kept secrets from Amity, under the guise of not wanting to burden her girlfriend.
         TOH still has plenty of examples of genuine intent leading to bad things; So it’s entirely reasonable, in this case, to bring up the original people who codified bigotry and prejudice, because being a freak and a weirdo does not happen in a vacuum, it is in relation to a society. At some point you have to discuss WHY someone is considered strange; Who designated the guidelines for the deviant, and by extension, what are the guidelines for what is ‘normal’, who decided this would be normal, and why? And that’s why the story brings these back to the settlers who made contact with the Native Americans and vice-versa, and established a precedent for prejudice towards these people.
         The point is that the show is refuting the centrist idea of Both Sides, that if you’re violent and/or angry then you’re just as bad as the oppressor, if not worse; Victims are allowed to be angry, they have a right to be upset, as Eda herself says. You can’t expect them to appeal solely by peace when that’s clearly not working out, hence Raine and Darius’ rebellions, which do necessitate violence at times, even if they’d love to minimize it and try; Which is why the finale shows the initially-cautious CATTs accepting covenscouts who are willing to change, why Kikimora is shown doing community service (and that's assuming it's not just a job given her lack of uniform; She may have been allowed to reintegrate into society as a regular citizen).
         Between the juxtaposition of the Collector hearing about how Amity and Lilith were successfully appealed to, and applying that to Belos, only for that to fail as Luz explains this individual situation is a bit more complicated… Basically, what the show is saying is that you should choose to be kind and give chances and grace, anyone can change; But people also have a right to prioritize themselves in self-defense, and just in general health, when people continue to refuse to reciprocate, and leave no other choice. Because there’s still responsibility on the other party to respond to these offers of kindness, and make the same choice to improve the world; They have free will, everyone does, and you can’t force people to be better, anymore than the Collector can force people to be their friends.
         Not to mention how victims have a right to be upset and don’t owe forgiveness, but at the same time, the concept of Restorative VS Retributive Justice argues that it’s better for the world if everyone improved; That doesn’t mean victims have to forgive or even necessarily help, because improving oneself does not rely on your victims doing you favors. It’s ultimately about harm reduction; Ideally, harm is reduced by helping people open their minds and change, but if that isn’t working and the person keeps hurting and even killing others, then yes, harm must be reduced by imprisoning, or even killing them in self-defense.
         Hence the difference in that Luz’s anger comes from ultimately wanting to reduce harm and being frustrated by those who continue to perpetuate it; Versus Belos whose anger isn’t really meant to prevent harm, but pointlessly cause more of it, because of his immature disgust towards those different, as well as the supremacy and selfishness that actively puts down others for Belos’ own sake (because Caleb isn’t allowed to have more than one person in his life, apparently).
         And note that Belos is already at the end of his life (because people only have so much time to change before it's cut short by death), because extending it requires sacrificing palismen, which goes against harm-reduction; So they can’t just imprison Belos without killing him. And in the end, the protagonists don’t prolong Belos’ misery by letting the boiling rain finish him off, they get it over with by stomping on him; Not only does this allow them to vent much-deserved anger towards an oppressor, but it cuts away any chance of Belos coming up with something last-second by just ending him right there. That reduces harm from Belos, and harm TO Belos, because his death isn’t any longer than it needs to be.
         And on Luz’s side, her not doing anything to Belos is justified because it’s about her refusing to help him, thus standing for herself and what she believes, and not letting this traumatic, gaslighting presence have any more power over her. Luz still allows her loved ones to finish off Belos; Her not responding to Belos is about reducing harm to herself.
         It’s a lot of stuff. It’s about balancing a lot of seemingly conflicting, opposite ideas, like Luz balancing two worlds; As she herself explains to the Collector, it can be “complicated.” It’s about nuance, and a case-by-case basis; Because note that the Titan doesn’t tell Luz that she will always be right because SHE always means well. Just that in this specific case, in regards to this specific guy, things are not equivalent. Hence why the Titan focuses on deconstructing Belos and not Luz. 
This moment specifically is breaking down colonial rhetoric by calling it out for what it actually is, because Belos is 100% a colonizer and this is one of the most important aspects of his character, and his contributions, to the narrative. And whatever mistakes Luz and the Titan made, at least they care enough to make up for it, because they really are trying to do this for others, instead of prioritizing an ego trip; That kind of mentality is doomed to being static. I'd argue the Titan isn't necessarily saying that Belos never cared about anyone (AKA Caleb) period, just that in the context of his 'protecting humanity' claim, he wasn't doing it for anyone because there was nobody in any actual danger, and he knows it. Philip wasn't actually concerned for Caleb's sake when he killed him.
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yakuly · 2 years ago
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Golden Hour | Mark Lee
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Pairing: Idol! MarkLee x NonIdol!FemaleReader
Words: 3.464
Warnings: VERY suggestive, mark calling reader "good girl", a basic mention of making out, and also insinuation of sex (if there's anything else, let me know:))
Summary: Mark release a new song, and wants to see his good girl reactions to it...
A.n: that's probably the 1.000.000 fic about golden hour you see through tumblr, but I just couldn't help myself. He's such a hottie calling cezienne good girl, it was my last straw! So I hope you enjoy this one too!
❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥
Mark really values your opinion. Everytime he has a comeback, you are the first person out of the group to listen to it, and this time it wasn't different.
He's really excited for the release of "Golden Hour". When he produced with his friends, he got at home really excited because he felt it was "the" song, and you didn't doubted for a second.
But the thing is, Mark also have another reason to why he's so excited for you to listen to it, but he just couldn't say it. When writing, he thought about you and a specific line came up, and since then, he really wants to see your reaction.
He made you promise you wouldn't be listen to it until he got at home, and so you did. When he finally made it, it was clear as a day, how excited and energetic he was.
Mark made you sit at the couch, prepared the tv, and enjoyed the show. Unbeknownst to how he was sitting back at the couch to watch your reactions, you payed really good attention to the screen.
It was good. Like really good. It is undeniable that Mark is a hot guy, but seeing him at that music video, his low raspy voice, his attitude plus the guitar bass... It was too much to take it in. And then it came, hitting you hard...
"Ladies waited for me, good girl"
And he saw. He saw how your eyes got a little bit bigger, how you breath got stuck, and you moved a little bit in your spot. Once it ended, you took a deep breath and looked at him. Mark wore a smirk on his face, and you couldn't not focus on his lips. His lips that said those sinful words seconds ago.
"So?" He asked, leaning in closer to you, and once again your breath got stuck. Coughing a little bit, you smiled and thought about something nice that could match house you felt about it. "You are really something else, Mark Lee", you said leaning in to kiss him, but before you could, he didn't let you, making you pout a little.
"What part you liked the most?" He asked, his smirk getting wider. You almost rolled your eyes, but you really wanted to kiss him, so you said the first thing it came to mind: "when you call Ramsey"
Mark then laughed a little bit, but only because he saw you, but he wanted to hear from you. His hands went for your face, caressing you cheek, lingering it to your jaw, holding your face more firmly.
The action completely took you buy surprise, making you gasp. Lee lowered his voice, making it rasped like at the song, "are you sure baby?" Once he done talking, his thumb went to your lower lip, letting go gently. "I saw you, why don't you just say it?"
"You really need me to, right?" You look at him, almost annoyed from his antics, but in reality, aroused by it. He didn't need to answer you this time, so you just admited "fine, I liked when you said good girl"
Mark smile it was the last thing you saw before being completely engolfed buy him. His lips finally made into yours, in a needy yet sensual way. He was really into the moment, bringing your face closer to his, one of his hands in your hair, and the other one strongly squeezing your thigh.
"What a good girl" he pulled away for a second only to say that, and that's when you lost the whiling to control yourself. You then pushed him against the couch and pulling your own body on his laps. It's his turn to be eyes wide, and pure shock, but amousement. "Shit baby, if I knew you liked that I would had made the song a long ago" he said, smiling against your lips.
"If wanted to call me good girl this bad, you didn't had to make a song," you said after leaving kisses through his neck. You holder his face before continuing "all you had to do is say it"
Your lips couldn't stay a part for longer, and his hands definitely loved holding and grabbing your thighs and butt. Fact that you didn't complained at all, since it was helping you to move on his lap, feeling his jeans getting tight.
"Baby, you got a really big problem" you use his lyrics against him, after making his face get slightly apart from yours, griping his hair, making him moan.
Mark smirk for the ninth time that day, before getting up, and taking you by surprise, by taking you with him "Is my good girl going to help me?" He slaps hard your but, making you moan in his ears, gigling before saying "as long as you keep calling me like that, you can whatever you want".
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dotthings · 7 months ago
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"Open to interpretation" does not mean you get to tell Destiel shippers how to see the canon, Karen
After the spntwit drama this week I think it matters to emphasize again how hard the antidestiel hatedom was going against how Jensen rolls when it comes to interpretation.
antidestiels continue to behave as if they believe "open to interpretation" means they themselves can dictate to other fans how to see the canon, and they call Destiel shippers and Misha "disgusting" just for speaking our viewpoints of the canon.
Destiel shippers give our take on the text and antis go "well you can't because JENSEN SAID--"
They very obviously do not listen to what Jensen says. Here is Jensen at Dencon 2021, where he pretty much clears the runway for fans to interpret however we please and his praise and appreciation for those readings: “This is the great thing about the show and I think the relationships and some of these characters is that they’re open for interpretation. If you find identity in a character because of whatever reason, fantastic! Great! If that encourages you to be a better person, or to love someone a little harder, to forgive someone for something, fantastic. That’s—that’s I think that’s one of the beautiful things about what we do is that we get to encourage people on a variety of levels.” -Jensen Ackles, DenCon October 2021
(Antis: But you CAN'T, because JENSEN SAID--)
Antis are stuck in a loop of their own making.
This is not the first time Jensen has conveyed his support for fan interpretation.
Jibcon 2015:
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We also know from reports from a virtual m&g a short while after SPN ended that Jensen said he and Misha talked about the confession scene beforehand, and they "didn't want to over-define it" and "the artist isn't going to stand next to that piece of art and tell you what to see. You should be able to see, and it should be able to mean what it means to you and that's--that's the beautiful thing about art." (There is no video, this is pulled from fan reports, but as far as we know this is accurate reporting).
Antis: but you can't because Jensen SAID--
blah blah blah
Yes we can and it's not that we need Jensen's--or anyone's permission--however it's just so heinous how severely antidestiels stomp all over Jensen's respectfulness and protection of fan readings and his appreciation of that, and their lying about how he rolls. They are making very negative insinuations of him, yet somehow everyone else in fandom is the problem but them.
It doesn't add up.
"But you can't say Destiel is real and there was queer coding because JENSEN SAID--"
But Jensen said he's completely cool with how we see it.
He said so.
I have a permit. Jensen signed it. See?
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Get over it. Find a new hobby. Move along.
A further thing--note my highlighting on excerpts from an interview with Jensen Ackles about Big Sky concerning the Beau/Jenny relationship. (TV Insider, 1.18.2023)
The phrasing should sound familiar.
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Yes, that's right, he's used similar language to speak about Dean and Cas. And this is for a het ship.
"leave the audience wanting more" "we gave just a little bit" "but do we need to play it out in a graphic sex scene?" "a kiss wasn't necessarily needed" "let's tiptoe for now" "fired it up in a way that made it not so sexual...two humans really, truly connecting. It wasn't just like, oh, let's rip each other's clothes off."
Put that next to "I don’t think lust is involved with the romanticism" "there's some people that might try to sexualize that" "it was two sentient beings essentially" (Dencon 2021, Vancon 2022)
Isn't that interesting. (Also isn't it interesting he called it "romanticism"?)
Jensen also said something somewhere about how he would like to do a romantic comedy so long as it involves killing zombies. He doesn't hate romance. It's just that he likes genre and action stuff. He's not against, whether it's queer or straight romances.
He's also said he'd like to do a rom-com slash western playing opposite Misha Collins.
Not telling Destiel shippers what to do, but along with antidestiel misinformation spread, the Destiel lane is justly notorious for flinging accusations at him and I think it's relevant that he speaks about a het ship using similar language, and it's relevant how supportive he is of queer readings.
one last thing, this is old, from Jensen's time on Days of our Lives, but he wasn't against playing a queer character.
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joeshiestyslover · 2 years ago
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you promised
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pairing: joe burrow x actress!reader
summary: joe promised to come to your premiere, but sometimes, some promises aren’t always kept
warnings: language, hints to smut at the end, very shitty dialogue, angst with a happy ending
lowercase intended
after all the months that you spent filming and working around your busy schedule, you were finally done. your long awaited netflix tv show was coming out in two days. you couldn’t be more excited for both the release and the premiere. this is your big break, this show is going to put you on the map. after this show, more and more people are gonna want to know your name.
you picked out the perfect dress, shoes, and jewelry for the premiere. but you couldn’t forget your perfect date, joe burrow. you and joe met in college at lsu while you were studying psychology. you both immediately clicked and have been together ever since. joe is the perfect boyfriend, the whole package. he’s sweet and extremely charming. it also helps that he’s fine as fuck.
after joe was drafted to the bengals, you made the leap and decided to move with him to cincinnati. it turned out to be one of the best decisions you ever made. the city is beautiful, easy to navigate and you get to be around joe almost all the time.
you’re in the bedroom packing for your trip to brooklyn, new york, where the premiere is scheduled to be held. you’re just about to head into the bathroom to collect your toiletries when you hear the garage door open. finally, joe was home and you finally have the chance to talk to him about what he is going to wear to the premiere.
“babe, i’m home!” you hear joe yell from downstairs. shortly after, you hear his heavy footsteps coming towards your shared bedroom. you then feel his arms snake around your waist and him pressing his lips to your cheek. “whatcha doing?” he asks. “i’m packing.” you respond. “for what?” ummmm. “for the the flight to new york tomorrow morning” you remind him. “my premiere’s in two days remember?” “shit y/n” he starts. oh hell no, you think. “joseph lee burrow, do not tell me you forgot about one of the most important nights of my life.” you slightly raise your voice as you turn around to face him. “i’m so sorry, but i promised the rookies i’d take them out to dinner.” you are beyond pissed now. if it slipped his mind, that’s one thing, but making plans on top of it and basically insinuating that his plans were more important than yours, that’s where you draw the line.
“you promised joe.” you can feel the tears of frustration start to pool in your eyes, but you don’t dare to let them fall. “you said you would be there and i expected you to keep your fucking promise.” “i really am sorry y/n, but i can’t skip this dinner; i promised those guys.” he says regretfully. “promised, my ass joseph. so you can keep your promises to your new teammates, but you can’t keep your promise to me? your girlfriend of three years? are you fucking kidding me?” you’re yelling now, no longer being able to hold back the tears.
“that’s not what i meant and you know it.” now joe was starting to get angry, as if he has the fucking right. “oh really?” you scoff. “then what did you mean? please enlighten me.” “i-” he starts to say, but you cut him off. “save it joe i don’t wanna talk about this anymore. i am going to that premiere because i promised everyone that i would, and unlike you joseph, i keep my promises.” at the last word, you poke at his chest, but you weren’t done yet. “you know i don’t see how it’s fair that i’m at every single event that’s important to you, and i show up to almost every game, and i have no problem cancelling plans with my friends, hell, even my fucking family, but you can’t push your stupid dinner back a couple of days for me? you know how important this is to me, but apparently it doesn’t mean shit to you.” “y/n-” “shut the fuck up joe. i’m going to this premiere, with or without you, but just so you know, if i show up alone, then it will be a very clear reflection of just how much you care about me and my accomplishments.” by the time you’re done with your rant, you’re panting, and you can feel the tears stalling at your chin. joe looks at you with sad eyes, but it’s clear that he has nothing to say.
“so that’s it? you’re just not gonna say anything?” you ask him, hoping he’ll get on his knees and beg to come with you to new york. but you’re met with silence. “okay” you say. “i’m gonna finish packing, then i’m gonna stay in the guest room tonight. if you change your mind, the flight leaves at 9:30 tomorrow morning.” you take your toiletry bag into the bathroom and stuff your skincare products, makeup, and your hygiene products into it. you go back into the bedroom to find joe no longer standing there.
you can feel your tears resurfacing, but you refuse to cry for him. if he would rather go to dinner with his friends, then so be it. you were not going to let him ruin the best night of your life for you. after you finish packing, you grab your suitcase, and walk into your guest bedroom, but it’s already occupied by joe. he’s lying on the bed, scrolling through his phone, acting like you didn’t just yell at him. wow, you think. he doesn’t even feel just a little bit guilty. you walk out of the room and go back into your bedroom. you don’t like how it feels in there. it’s cold and gloomy, much different than the usual joy and warmth it’s filled with. you set your alarm for 7:00 and go straight to bed, not wanting to think about joe and your argument any longer. you toss and turn on the bed for god knows how long, knowing that joe is probably sleeping just fine without you. sleep is different without him, and you don’t like it one bit. all you want is to run into that guest bedroom and crawl into bed next to him, but you will not give into him; not until he gets his head out of his ass. finally, after what feels like hours of just rolling around the bed, you fall asleep.
your alarm blaring wakes you up from your dreamless sleep. after a few minutes of just lying on your bed, you sit up and walk into your bathroom. you look in the mirror, with your reflection looking back at you. i look like a fucking mess, you think to yourself. you brush out your hair and put it up just to keep it out of your face. then after brushing your teeth, you walk out of the bathroom and sneak down the hall to the guest room. you quietly open the door, and see him still sleeping. you want to wait a while, just to see if he’ll wake up and go to the airport with you, but you can’t. you know that the thirty minutes you spend waiting will turn into an hour, then two hours, and you’ll end up missing your flight, and you won’t let that happen.
you shut the door and go into your room to grab your suitcase and backpack. you roll it into your living room, and sit on your couch while waiting for the uber you ordered. you’re on your phone scrolling through tiktok, when you hear a door open and footsteps coming closer to you. you look up and find joe staring at you. joe breaks the eye contact and walks into the kitchen. your worst fear confirmed; you were going to new york alone. you soon get the alert that your uber has just pulled up to your house, so you grab your stuff and walk out your front door without sparing joe a single glance.
the trip to new york went smoothly, and you were able to check into your hotel, but you forgot the reservation was made under joe’s name. oh great! another reminder that he isn’t going to show up! you do everything you can to not think about joe, but everything seems to remind you of him. you hate being without him. you have the urge to text him, but you can’t. he has to know that he fucked up and he won’t be forgiven that easily.
the day of the premiere you’re shitting bricks. you didn’t realize just how much you need joe until you didn’t have him by your side helping you calm down. it also doesn’t help that he has been absolutely radio silent. the tiny voice in the back of your head constantly telling you, you’re not important enough and he has better things to do than waste his time with you.
you try to keep your mind off of him. you try to converse with your hair and makeup artist whilst she gets you ready. it works for a while, but you can’t stop thinking about him. he should be here, spending this moment with you, laughing and smiling with you, but if he didn’t think that you were important enough then fuck him.
once it’s time to go, you hop into the limousine, and it takes you to the theater where the premiere is. when you get there, the limo comes to a stop, and you get out. as soon as you walk out, you can hear thousands of people screaming your name. you plaster on a fake smile and walk over to the screaming fans, signing autographs and taking pictures. you’re soon guided by your manager to different reporters wanting to interview you. the first few interviews going great; the interviewers mostly asking what filming was like and how well you get along with your costars. one of the interviewers however, asks you the question you have been dreading to answer. “so y/n y/ln, where is your boyfriend, joe burrow tonight?” you try to think of an answer without sounding snippy or pitiful. “well you know we’re very busy people” you start to say. “sometimes our schedules just don’t align the way we want them to, so we just have to accept it and move on.” okay, that went well.
you finish up interviews and start to pose for pictures, the flashing of the cameras becoming almost blinding. after a few minutes, your manager walks up to you. “joe’s here.” she says.
what.
you look at her confused until you look over her shoulder to find your boyfriend dressed in a black suit with subtle patterns walking towards you. you don’t know whether to smile at him or slap him. he comes up to you and hugs you tightly as he whispers in your ear, “i’m so sorry baby, you were right. i was so fucking selfish and you deserve the same amount of support that you give me.” you fight the tears and whisper back a “thank you.”
you two pose for a little while longer until it’s time to walk into the theater. you take your seats, and joe takes your hand into his. soon after you sit down, the first two episodes of the show start to play on the screen. about halfway into the second episode, you look over at joe to see him with slight tears in his eyes. he feels your gaze, and turns to you with a smile. you smile back at him and once again turn your attention to the big screen.
once the episodes ended, you and joe socialize with your costars a bit during the after party before deciding it was time to go home. as you both start to walk back to joe’s car, he stops and turns to you. “i know i already told you, but words cannot explain how sorry i am. i was selfish and an idiot, and i was wrong for not taking your feelings into account. i love you and it wasn’t fair to you at all.” joe tells you with tears threatening to escape his eyes. “joe, i love you more than anything, and i’m glad you realized you were wrong, but this cannot happen again. what you did was hurtful, and all i wanted was for you to want to experience this moment with me. you made me feel unimportant, and as though you didn’t care about my successes.” you tell him, somehow holding back your sob, but your tears are flowing freely. “i never wanted to make you feel that way y/n. i’m so fucking proud of you and i’m so happy for you. you mean everything to me; i promise you this won’t happen again, and i know that i’m not the best at keeping my promises, but i intend on keeping this one.”
“good.” you smile. you wrap your hand around the back of his neck and you pull his lips to meet yours. the kiss slowly becomes more and more heated as he slips his tongue into your mouth. after a while of making out in the parking lot, you both break away for air. “you wanna go back to the hotel and celebrate properly?” you ask him, panting. “fuck yeah baby.” he picks you up over his shoulder and all but sprints to the car, unable to wait to get you back to the hotel room.
a/n: i hope y’all liked it. i haven’t written anything in a hot minute so please go easy on me 😭😭
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izzuku · 2 years ago
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HII !! may i request a really confident reader with dom thoma ?
reader is bragging to someone (MAYBE THE KAMISATO SIBLINGS ? <3) about how they're a hard dom and how subby thoma is and later on ayato teases thoma over it and thoma is just confused because he knows how reader is in bed. thoma feels embarrassed so later he punishes reader, making sure the kamisato siblings hear who really is the sub in the relationship ♡♡♡
FEEL FREE TO CHANGE THE PLOT IF NEEDED,, and also the character i don't really mind !!
Is that so? ──
characters── thoma x gn! reader
c/w── NSFW, switched dynamics (dom/sub), slight exhibitionism (just from hearing) , Thoma is BUILT, mating press (on reader), wrist restraints, the Kamisato household hears everything, aftercare is not mentioned but it still happened
a/n── godDAMN I live for thoma and punishments. Your request shall be written lovely. I cannot promise something amazing cause I've been really out of Tumblr but at least I can respond to your request
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"Oh really? Please do tell me more about it". Ayato chuckled at your eagerness on continuing the story but her sister on the contrary could not be more red than a tomato.
"Please don't! It's a matter of privacy between you and Thoma...I'm sure he'd prefer if you kept all of this to yourself...." Ayaka silently beg for the conversation to end, hiding her growing blush with her famous fan. You on the contrary felt proud of the words coming out of your mouth.
"Don't be shy Lady Ayaka, I'm sure that some people have already heard Thoma's moans. I've been talking to him about this and he doesn't have a complaint since he trusts his lords wholeheartedly! Besides...I'm sure he's fully satisfied with how I treat him if you know what I mean.." You couldn't help but laugh, seeing as Ayaka ran out of the room and Ayato choke a laugh under his tea.
"If that's the case then I'll make sure to congratulate him later". That was Ayato's last words before you went on with your duties.
After his morning duties, Thoma enjoyed the rest of the evening with a chess game with Ayato, as always.
"You're getting better at this Thoma...maybe it's thanks to some foreplay with your...beloved partner?" The young master snickered at the thought of the previous chat with you, something that Thoma didn't quite understand.
"E-excuse me my Lord?" He stuttered out, a chess piece falling of his fingers. The blue haired man took one more look at his servant before laughing out loud. "I'm sorry Thoma, I thought it'd take a laugh out of you as it did with me". Thoma could feel his cheeks getting hot at the insinuation, only managing to let an airy laugh. "Foreplay you say? Why was that your first thought of me...getting better at playing?" He cleared his throat, continuing the game in hopes to make it less awkward.
"Oh...I thought you already knew about the things your dearest told us about you. Honestly I do understand your loyalty as a servant in the Kamiasato Clan, but to put those traits in action really surprised me Thoma" Ayato explained everything you said calmly, as if it wasn't something extremely explicit about your sex life. Thoma on the other hand, was starting put up the pieces. So...you told everyone about him being the submissive one huh? Then he has no other choice but to prove you wrong.
"Oh I see...I uh..understand now..." He took a few seconds in the middle of the silence. "My Lord, may I ask to have tomorrow free? I'd like to rest a little, just for tomorrow and I'll continue the rest of the week" and that's all he needed to say to have some time to talk about this with you.
The only thing illuminating the room was the dim light of the lamp next to your shared bed and some candles spared around the room. You almost didn't hear Thoma coming in if it weren't for the sliding door. "Good to see you coming back early love" you chanted softly while preparing the bed for the both of you. You didn't get a response, just the sound of the door sliding back and some faint footsteps getting near you. "So...I'm the dog you say huh..." his voice came out softly, unlike the theme of the discussion.
"What..? Dog? What do you mean Thoma?" You turned around, only to be met by a big blonde boy standing, almost hovering over you...just centimeters away. "It's funny actually...telling others that I'm the one getting fucked, that you're treating me so well like the dominant person you are honey". Your eyes get caught up in his gaze and you feel like you forgot how to swallow. With his wide figure and the strength in his arms he could easily slam you against the wood floor and fuck you raw right there and then. "Ho-hold on Thoma, my love, haha uhm..we can talk about this, you know I'm always joking about it, it's really not a big deal. I can apologize if you want to-"
"I think I need to clarify somethings between you and I love" His voice became demanding.
...
"F-Fuck! Wait! Thoma oh archons! Too much please..!" Your moans get choked on your throat as Thoma's pace never seems to cease. The rope around your wrists is starting to burn from the continuous pulling and you can't feel your legs anymore. Not that it matters to your boyfriend though, he's quite enjoying himself. He gets to part your legs, each one on either of his shoulders and push his cock deep inside you. He loves seeing the look on your face; saliva dripping down your chin, cheeks burning, skin full of marks and your hole pushing in and out loads of his cum from rounds before.
"Where did that dominance go love?" He pants, thrusting harder until he feels you clenching around. "I thought...I thought I was the one supposed to moan out loud" you can hear him chuckle between pants but your vision is so blurry from the tears than you can only focus on the feeling and the hearing. "Thoma-aa..Ah! M'close! Close close close!" your hands tug harder at the rope before holding your legs around his neck. He thrusts a couple more times before shots of cum paint your insides and outsides...leaving your brain like mush.
The Kamisaton Clan sure knows now who's in charge in bed.
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cosmicjoke · 6 months ago
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Well, in the wake of chapter 58 of "Saezuru", I see the usual blame game going around the fandom, some people saying the current situation is Yashiro's fault, or it's Doumeki's fault.
The thing is, this situation isn't either of their faults, as in, neither of them is fully to blame, and neither of them is completely without responsibility either. The real issue going on here is trauma and the ways in which their respective traumas are interfering with their ability to move forward.
Part of the problem with leveling blame, or most of the blame, onto a single party, is that it supposes either Yashiro or Doumeki is acting out of malicious intent, wanting to hurt the other, when that's clearly not the case for either of them, and I think a lot of the defensiveness we see in this fandom comes from either the outright insinuation made by some of malicious intent (I think you see this most with people criticizing Yashiro, accusing him of purposefully wanting to cause Doumeki harm from 4 years previous, when that couldn't be further from the truth), and then from others assuming that's what's meant by anyone who criticizes or questions either Yashiro's or Doumeki's actions.
I get particularly defensive about Yashiro because I feel like there's an awful trend in this fandom of dismissing his trauma and simply trying to put his treatment and initial rejection of Doumeki down to malice. I hate this, because it fundamentally misses the entire core of who Yashiro's character is, and ignores the fact that he pushed Doumeki away as much to protect him as to protect himself, both of which were legitimate reasons. Yashiro is the opposite of a malicious person. He's actually the most selfless and kind character in all of Saezuru, he just does a really good job of hiding it beneath a mask of apathy and indifference. But actions always speak louder than words.
On the other side of the spectrum, we have Doumeki, and any attempts to question or criticize Doumeki's actions with Yashiro is often interpreted as one making accusations of deliberate cruelty or unkindness on Doumeki's part toward Yashiro, rather than as just a questioning of the effectiveness of Doumeki's actions, or what exactly the goal is behind those actions. I think it's clear to anyone who's read this story that Doumeki isn't and never has wanted to hurt Yashiro. He obviously has a deep desire to protect him and shield him from further harm. At the same time, Doumeki definitely has a possessive streak when it comes to Yashiro specifically, and his desire to almost force Yashiro to accept him as his only love interest or sexual partner is, I think, part of what the issue between them is. He can't let go of his fear of Yashiro running away, in part, because he can't let go of his desire to stake his claim on Yashiro as only his.
Obviously, Yashiro's own issues with accepting love and seeing himself as worthy of love are also a major contributing factor to their current predicament, because he's unable to see Doumeki's perceived indifference toward him as anything other than proof of his own unlovability.
It also doesn't help that we haven't gotten a chapter from Doumeki's perspective in a long time, and it seems like we may never get another chapter from his perspective if Yoneda actually sticks to her previous statement regarding that. Right now, all anyone can do is speculate as to Doumeki's actual intentions with continuing on in his charade. Is he doing it to protect himself and his own feelings? Is he doing it because he wants to keep Yashiro from running away? The latter seems more likely to me because we seemed to get Doumeki's internal thoughts, specifically regarding this, last chapter, when who I assume was Doumeki said he was hiding his true feelings to keep (this person, i,.e. Yashiro) from running away again.
Part of my issue with Doumeki's current tactic is that it only serves to reinforce this idea in Yashiro's head that he's unlovable. I see plenty of people saying that until Yashiro can learn to love himself, or forgive himself, then he won't be able to accept Doumeki's love, and therefore, it doesn't matter if Doumeki drops the act and tells Yashiro right now that he loves him, because Yashiro isn't "ready" to accept that love.
But what exactly is the alternative?
How exactly is Yashiro meant to "learn to love" himself or "forgive" himself, when every time he sees Doumeki now, he's again and again faced with the affirmation of his own, negative beliefs about himself through Doumeki's seeming indifference toward him?
Again, I'm not blaming Doumeki. From his perspective, he probably feels he has no other choice but to act this way and treat Yashiro coldly, because he thinks if he treats Yashiro gently, Yashiro will just react in the same, traumatized manner he did last time they had gentle sex (and again, this is my issue with people blaming Yashiro and acting as if this whole situation is his fault for rejecting Doumeki to begin with. As if Yashiro chose to be traumatized). Doumeki has no way of knowing that Yashiro now wants to be treated kindly, or that Yashiro will be able to receive that kind of love now (which also isn't a guarantee). The only real clue Doumeki might have had toward that end was him finding out about Yashiro's impotence with anyone outside of himself. And maybe that's his goal, in behaving the way he is. Maybe he's hoping to force Yashiro into some sort of self-realization, or force him into treating himself better, and in doing so, force Yashiro to admit to Doumeki what he really wants.
That's been the speculation for a long, long time now.
But... the problem is, it's just not working.
We see Yashiro spiraling into a deeper and deeper despair with each, passing chapter. Like I said, it's fine to say that Yashiro needs to learn to love himself before he can receive or give love (a sentiment I don't even agree with, but that's another point for another day), but I can't see how Doumeki's current treatment of Yashiro is going to lead to him learning to love himself at all. All I see it doing right now is reinforcing all of Yashiro's worst, most negative beliefs about himself, and making the situation between him and Doumeki ever more confused and dangerous.
Again, this isn't me blaming Doumeki (I swear to god, some Doumeki fans are way too sensitive). This is just me pointing out the obviousness of Yashiro's depressed state of mind, and the apparent lack of success in Doumeki's methods to change it for the better (if indeed that's even what Doumeki is attempting to do). Again, we just don't know what Doumeki's actual intentions are. All we can see right now is the results of his actions. And to me, those results don't look good.
Maybe I'm wrong and Yashiro will become so disgusted with Doumeki's treatment of him that he'll snap and demand that Doumeki stop treating him like some sort of casual lay that he has no feelings for. But right now, I don't see Doumeki's treatment of Yashiro engendering any sorts of feelings of self-worth or a desire in Yashiro to stand up for himself.
He's spent almost 40 years of his life being abused and mistreated by others. I have a hard time envisioning him suddenly developing enough self-esteem to finally say "enough is enough" to the man he's tragically in love with.
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moreespressoformydepresso · 6 months ago
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Fandom's Takes On Trauma Are Terrible And Here's Why: brought to you by terrible Coriolanus Snow and Anakin Skywalker discourse
I've been on the verge of making this post for a while now, but I kept not doing it because this might be a bit of a hot take and I don't like offending people. However, I've been growing increasingly annoyed with the perception of one specific character type so lets see how much my dumb opinions stir the pot this time ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. This will be focused mainly on my current main fandom: The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes, as well as Star Wars. You'll see why. Now, I need to make it clear that I'm not judging anyone for their opinions on characters for any reason. In no way am I insinuating you're a bad person for having opinions different to mine or that you’re not allowed to have them. What I am saying is that fandoms have some frustrating and frankly insulting beliefs around trauma and those who survived it, and I'm gonna talk about it because I want to get this off my chest. With that said:
Y'all don't understand how trauma works and it annoys me
As stated in the title, I'm writing this because of the Coriolanus Snow discourse, specifically regarding whether he's a good or bad person. Lets rip off the bandaid straight away: He's a bad person. There's no question about it, Snow is a vile human being. And he's one of my favorite characters because of it. He's fantastically written and hands down one of the most realistic, viscerally terrifying yet utterly pathetic villains ever. And what I hate about the TBOSAS fandom more than anything (aside from how some of them treat the actors) is the way they take away all his agency in the story. But I'll put a pin in that because I have a lot to say about him and instead start at the beginning of my growing frustration with how fandom perceives trauma (feel free to skip through this post, I'll label my sections in case you don't wanna read this whole thing). There's two sides, and both are equally stigmatized and wrong. So lets start with the more obvious one through the lens of Anakin Skywalker.
The Star Wars Fandom's Weird Relationship With Traumatized Children Behaving Like Traumatized Children
So Anakin Skywalker AKA Darth Vader is pretty explicitly a Bad Dude who's done some Bad Things. Bro committed genocide, ain't no getting around that, except... It's a little more complicated. Sure, he did all those terrible things, but a lot of people take that to mean he was always a horrible monstrous big bad in the making who was destined to become the galaxy's worst nightmare. That's missing the whole point of the prequel trilogy, because those movies essentially serve to explain all the reasons for Anakin's descent into villainy, and he had surprisingly little hand in it. Growing up into slavery means he not only has a warped view of the galaxy thanks to all the horrors he's witnessed, it also means he lacks the teachings Jedi younglings get when they grow up in the temple. He was pawned off onto Obi-Wan who had only recently been knighted and was in no way ready to raise a child, and became "friends" with Palpatine who fed him all sorts of lies to manipulate him into becoming little more than an attack dog. Not exactly ideal circumstances for a child in their formative years. Did Anakin shirk the Jedi's rules? Yes. Did he do dumb stuff? Yes. But he was a traumatized teenager, of course he's acting out. When he massacres the Tusken Raiders, it's Padme Amidala who reassures him it was the right thing to do. He felt guilty about it, so this idea that he's some apathetic monster from the second he's born is dumb. It's not that Anakin was born wrong, it's that the people around him either failed to help him go down the right path or were actively trying to push him down the wrong one. Anakin never fully grasped the Jedi's ideals, because the person meant to teach him just wasn't equipped to do so. If he'd had someone to teach him how to get a hold of his emotions, distancing himself enough from them to make the best possible decision and helping him understand the importance of letting someone go when you have to, he wouldn't have fallen to the dark side the way he did.
Anakin did terrible things, but blaming it on him just having an evil heart shows a fundamental misunderstanding of how people's environments change who they are. A life in slavery, where he was not allowed to have anything and risked losing what he held dear at any second with no control over it likely caused him to be very possessive of what he held close to his heart once he did have some control over what he kept and lost. Shmi died because he wasn't there to protect her (in his head), so he clung to the people he loved so he could save them the way he couldn't save his mother. Palpatine actively groomed him, if you think that didn't have any effect on him I don't know what to tell you. Throughout the war, he constantly lost people he was close to. That control he had slowly starts to fade as Ahsoka leaves and he starts having dreams about Padme dying. He does everything to save her, only to find out she betrayed him (in his mind, a thought quite likely influenced by PTSD as well). I can tell you that believing one of the few people you trust has betrayed you can make you act very impulsively. Anakin made an impulsive decision and regretted it for the rest of his life. He wasn't born a monster, the world turned him into one.
However, that does not excuse his actions. It explains them and spreads the blame to more people, but his actions are still his actions. Anakin separated himself from his past because of all the pain it brings him, and in doing so he did a lot of bad things. And he still needed to face consequences for those actions, even if the events that led up to them aren't necessarily on him entirely. If he'd gotten therapy, he wouldn't have choked Padme to death. Possibly he wouldn't have attacked the temple. But he didn't, and he did all those things trauma or not. I have major issues with the way some Anti-Anakin parts of the Star Wars fandom insist on ignoring or writing off his trauma, but that doesn't mean I'm absolving him of all guilt.
An explanation is not an excuse, and that sentiment brings us to the reason for this little rant:
Coriolanus Snow's defenders have a habit of infantalizing trauma survivors and I wish they would stop
Oh Snow, how your amazing character completely flew over the heads of most of your loyalest fans. I'm joking, obviously, but also... It's not exactly wrong. Now, I need to make this clear: I'm not insulting Snow fans here. I'm kind of one of them (I hate his guts but I love how he was written, it's a love hate relationship). However, the way people talk about his trauma... I'll be honest, it's kind of sickening for reasons I'll talk about later after getting through the technical(?) stuff. Where the way people view Anakin disgusts me, the way people treat Snow disturbs me. Because people view The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes as if it's some typical tragic villain backstory that humanizes and in some ways justifies who he became, to show what changed him from a normal person into a monster. It's not. It actually shows that Snow has always possessed the traits that made him the monster we know from the OG series. What it does is explain why specific things were so important to him and how he grew to lose all redeeming qualities, letting the worst aspects of his personality grow and take over until it's all there's left of him.
What made Snow do stuff like poison political adversaries and constantly beat down the districts so they don't rebel? A thirst for power. A thirst he's always had, born from the feelings of entitlement he held thanks to his family's previous status. He deserves that power in his mind, so he'll do anything to get it. Power, control, and influence are his driving motivators. It's at the back of his mind throughout TBOSAS, and by the time he becomes a gamemaker it's the only motivation he has left. Those traits, the things that pushed him to do what he did, they were always there. There was just more stuff to cover it up. Stuff that fell away with time. Snow is a terrible person, but people pretend he's some poor misunderstood baby who just needed a hug because... why? Because he has trauma. And that's the root of the problem. Does he have trauma? Absolutely. He survived a war, he lost his parents, struggled through poverty while being raised by propaganda from the Capitol and was arguably groomed by Gaul. Sound familiar? It's kind of like Anakin. Horrible childhood filled with loss, less than amazing figures raising him and grooming. Except people use the opposite argument for him which is equally wrong: he's traumatized, so we cannot blame him.
Yes we can.
Trauma does not justify your actions. It might explain them, but you are still accountable for your own actions. Snow murdered people, starting with Bobbin, and every single time it was his choice to do so. It doesn't matter why he made that choice, because he still did it. He ruined countless lives and ended nearly as many, both directly and indirectly. No amount of trauma justifies that. I've seen people claim he's just an anxious young boy who's a poor victim of circumstance, and anyone who doesn't believe so is simply unable to separate the actions of an 80-something-year-old from the 18-year-old, but... No. That's one of the most braindead takes I've ever heard, I'm sorry. Snow hadn't committed the crimes of his older self yet, but the behaviors he shows in TBOSAS are the ones that led him to doing so later on and ignoring that is just stupid. I don't need to judge Snow based on his later actions to call out how fucked up he was in TBOSAS. Again, he chose to murder several people and deluded himself into believing he was justified. That's what makes him a great character. Bad people always believe, on some level, that they're doing the right thing. It's fascinating. But people take his words at face value when he says he's doing the right thing, and the whole point is that he's wrong. He's lying to himself. Because that's what people do sometimes. Snow's family was knocked off its throne, and Snow clung to the idea that the districts are beneath him and at fault to cope with that. He deluded himself into believing Gaul's dumbass theory to justify continuing the games.
It's the exact opposite of Anakin Skywalker: Trauma is relevant, it does inform your perspective on the world and your actions, but it does not mean you can do no wrong. Snow had every chance to be a good person: Knocking Bobbin out or running away instead of murdering him, joining the rebellion with Sejanus, staying in district 12 with Lucy Gray and being honest with her. But he killed Bobbin. He fucked over the rebels and got Sejanus killed. He lied to Lucy Gray and destroyed any chance he had with her. Every chance he got, he threw into the fire without hesitation. Anakin leaned into being a bad person to forget the past, Snow chose to be one because it benefitted him the most. Neither of them are excused because of their trauma, their descent into villainy is simply explained. You know why? Because both of them created new victims. Snow was complicit in the murder of hundreds of children before becoming responsible for thousands more, he killed people with his own hands and ruined several lives over the course of TBOSAS. All that pain he caused isn't erased because we can explain why it happened. Even at 18, Snow has many things he should be held accountable for. War, being an empoverished orphan, being groomed, none of that nullifies the shit he's done. People who say Snow's just an anxious, young, traumatized boy are one side of the horseshoe theory of the myth of "the perfect victim". The "Anakin's Trauma Should Be Ignored Entirely" crowd are the other side. Which brings us to...
It's all horseshoe theory
To conclude the analytical part of my post, I'll bring it back to what I briefly mentioned in the intro to all of this. Agency. That's the running thread here. Both in cases like Anakin and cases like Snow, the fandom takes away all agency a character has in the story for the sake of justifying one's feelings about them. Anakin was born a monster and he was always destined to be evil. It wasn't the trauma, it wasn't the events of the story, he's just bad. On the other hand, Snow is a good person who was made to do terrible things by his trauma. It's all the trauma and nothing else. His bad childhood caused him to be this way and it has nothing to do with his own worst personality traits. See the connection? In both these instances, the characters had no influence over who they became. With Anakin, nothing could've had any influence because he's just born wrong. With Snow, it's everything around him that shaped him into who he was. Both scenarios completely ignore the character and focus on external factors to explain everything. One demonizes trauma victims by saying those that went off the rails are just bad people and there's nothing to be done about it, the other infantilizes trauma survivors by saying they shouldn't be held accountable for their actions just because they have trauma and it's only when they're older and should know better that we can bring consequences down on them.
Victims of trauma should be held accountable, though. The only thing the presence of trauma should change is what kind of accountability. Merely locking them up won't change anything, they should receive help to work through their problems while residing in a place where they cannot hurt anyone else. Including themselves. That is what acknowledging trauma is useful for. But this? This is doing nothing but stigmatizing trauma survivors even more than they already are, and I hate it. And you wanna know why I hate it? Because I've been both sides of this horseshoe, and it nearly got me killed.
The part where I talk about my Tragic Backstory(TM) to explain why this bothers me so much
This'll be a little heavy, so while I'm not gonna go into detail I advise you to please be careful. If you're not in the headspace to handle talk about actual real life mental health issues, feel free to stop reading here. I'm putting this at the end for a reason. If you really wanna know why people's perspective on Snow disturbs me but don't wanna risk getting triggered, skip to the last bold line in this post.
Without going into detail, I've dealt with some pretty big mental health issues throughout my life. One of them is PTSD, so believe me when I say I understand that trauma can heavily influence one's actions in ways even they don't understand. But I had to learn the hard way that there's a difference between explaining and excusing. I used to believe that, because of my previous experiences, I was entirely justified in doing what I was doing. Kind of. At that point, I didn't know that what I was experiencing was PTSD, but I did feel justified in my actions the same way Snow does. I explained every bad thing I did away and wrote it off as nothing or sometimes even as a good thing. Granted, I never did anything as big as committing murder, but I don't live in a country as dark and horrible as Panem so we'll chalk it up to that. As I grew older, I started to recognize the ways in which I accidentally hurt the people around me, and eventually had the realization that my past does not in fact justify the pain I was causing people entirely uninvolved in what happened to me. They had nothing to do with that, and shoving all my pain onto them the way I did was wrong. My view of myself pivoted to the other side of the horseshoe. If I'm not justified, am I... am I bad? Am I evil? Am I just born wrong?
I don't know how to explain this to anyone who hasn't gone through this themself, but that is a horrible feeling to have. To feel like you're just bad and there's nothing you can do about it... It kills something inside of you. A hope, a will to keep going and keep trying. Why bother when you cannot be fixed? I've lost the will to live at two points in my life, and that was one of them. And now I get to see both of these mentalities be repeated by dumbasses who don't understand the first thing about trauma. It's... not fun. It's grating and aggravating in a way I can't accurately bring across with just my words. It makes me wanna scream and laugh hysterically until I cry.
Here's the thing: I relate to Snow, and the way people perceive him disturbs me on a visceral level.
As I said, I justified my own bad behavior the same way he does. I convinced myself I was a blameless poor victim who had no hand in their actions. But just like Snow, I did. Not nearly as much as I would have liked, but I did. I learned to control the defensive mechanisms my trauma gave me, and I grew from it. Seeing people defending Snow with the same arguments that kept me from ever getting over what happened to me, crying out that he's just traumatized so none of it's his fault... it disturbs me. Because they're outsiders who should be able to see the pain he caused others and realize that nothing changes the fact that he did that. But they don't. They're me, without any of the personal stakes that kept me trapped in my own delusions. It's all just fiction, and I know that, but it hits just a little too close to home for my comfort. It's a little too raw and a little too real for me to just let it go and move on again like I always do.
I'm sorry for the rant, I didn't mean to make this post this long but I guess I hope you find something of interest in here that made it worth reading? Have a nice day 💜
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bylrlve · 10 months ago
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Warning! Potential leaks for season five of Stranger Things!
Alex (aka @dyersfilms on twitter, used to be swiftlynatalia) is the person who successfully leaked most of season 4 due to her knowing a source. She did, however, insist Byler was entirely platonic that season and they fought for most of it and only made up at the end in the pizza van, so…
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Here’s her saying she won’t post any byler leaks this time around, which she has said previously.
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She got a message saying they’re all fake, and she thinks they all are, so keep that in mind.
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Here’s a short one: Will distancing himself from the party bc it’s too hard to be closeted and to be around Mike. If real? Endgame fr.
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A ‘leak’ from episode one where shit goes down after the opening scene of Will singing SISOSIG, Will falls, and Mike helps him up,
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Here’s an extremely detailed one that casually drops Mileven breakup, Robin-Mike bonding over Vickie and Will, Will trying to avoid Mike ‘confronting him about the painting’, Mike and Jonathan fighting over Will’s safety. Nothing here is debunkable but…. Yeah. God, would it be nice, though.
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The two most interesting ones. First, an ask that’s almost entirely plausible except for the mileven part - and that part, specifically, I’m calling bullshit on bc it claims that Hopper is still on the Mike Hate Train. It was made abundantly clear, after their talk and their awkwardly long hug at the end of season 4, that that’s in the past. Besides, it just wouldn’t fit tonally. S3 was the heterosexual-cliché, silly filler season. S5? Nah. Can’t 100% say it’s fake, but even Alex agrees this one isn’t real.
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Lastly, an interesting one that’s plausible throughout which claims Mike gets seriously injured and spends some time in hospital. Will stays by his bedside after everyone else leaves and kisses Mike on the forehead. Mike wakes up after he leaves - I think the insinuation is that Mike does a Half-Blood Prince and wakes up knowing that someone he felt safe with was there, but he doesn’t know who it was. If that’s legit? As I said, endgame fr.
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I do want to note that both the mileven and Byler asks word the ‘main character getting injured part’ as everyone being ‘shaken up’ so there are a few options: it’s the same person with legit leaks, and Byler isn’t endgame. That, I’d be more willing to accept, cautious as I am, were it not for the Hopper part, which sticks out like a sore thumb. Second option: it’s the same person messing around. Third: it’s two people, one building on the other.
Cannot emphasise enough that these are most likely just bored people having fun, but I figured I’d share them all. The last one is getting passed around the tag sans context, and I wanted to clarify everything else Alex has received. Do not get your hopes up about Byler based solely on these.
Letting my imagination run absolutely wild here for just a moment, however: Maya and Vickie are confirmed to be filming at the hospital set, presumably visiting someone. There’s also a pic of someone with bloody shoes. Imagine if Robin visits Mike in the hospital, witnesses some Platinum-Tier Will Byers Pining™️, and ends up talking to Mike after he wakes up - no mention of how long he stays there.
Lastly, it is fun comparing these to the more doom-and-gloom (re: Mike) leaks Sapphicjopper on twitter got. The awesome @solgmorell has a post explaining those in detail.
Oh, and an interview came out today where Shawn Levy said something insane but, you know, water is wet.
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slashingdisneypasta · 2 years ago
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Slenderman x Reader || Oneshot
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Plot: You and Slender have had a big fight, and broke up. You’re both done. Things are just too hard for you both, to stay together. You’ve broken it up and made it up more times then either of you care to count and you just cant do it anymore. You want each other, you need each other, you love each other more then anything else- But you’re giving up. You think its right thing to do.
Now, watch Offender, who is definitely the least knowledgeable man on earth about love, talk to his brother and fix this. 
Warnings: Angst (Though I tried to put some comedy in there!) with an insinuated happy ending. Also, obviously, Offender.
Tagging: @ladala-shihiro , @miss-understood , and @yesthetrashbin . I hope y'all like this! ^^
This is a work off my old blog, @mainstreambaddies , remastered ^^ I was reminded about it talking to @marinerainbow ^^
“So, then-” You clear your throat, holding onto the handle to your suitcase, standing out on the porch. Slender's still inside the house, but the door is open. “This is done, now?” This has been done so many times before that its hard to believe that this is really over this time. You almost can’t take it seriously, like you should. Like it is. Like you know that you'll wish you had when you remember it tomorrow morning. You peer up at Slender with a smirk, though, because you just cant. “Not gonna meet me at the edge of the forest again?” Like he’s done the last, what, 70 times?? Apart from those times that you stopped and realised you love him, and ran back for him, of course. 
Offender sits on the couch, just inside the mansion, seemingly reading the dirty parts out of some of Slenders books out of immense boredom, when he hears what’s conspiring feet from him. Promptly, he decides this is much more interesting and stops reading. He doesn't put the book down, so as to look like he's reading and not eavesdropping, but he most certainly is.
You get the feeling there would be a stiff, taught, no teeth kind of smile on him if he had those kinds of features. He’s standing in the doorway, with his arms crossed-not like he’s annoyed, or expecting something; More like he’s in thought, holding himself where he is. Together, and most importantly- still.  “... Mm, no, not this time.” His voice is dull. “We discussed this already Y/N. This is final.” 
“I know.” 
“But we have said that before though, haven't we?” 
As always, he can read your mind without even actually reading your mind. 
You take a deep breath, and let it go. One of the many things you’ll have to let go. 
Because you have to. 
Because this is the last time. No more. You couldn't do it again,... and you wouldn't want to. Its too hard.
Offenders interest, and doubts, are thoroughly perked. What have they been discussing?? What do these two think they know?? What’s happening?? He rolls over onto his stomach on the couch to look at them, before pushing himself up onto his forearms. “Wait, what're you two doing?” 
Slender flat out ignores him, while you give him a funny little look before looking back at Slender again. It hurts to say these next few words. God, its beginning to sink in- this is over. “So... I’m going now.” You love him... but its over. You couldn't do it; There were just too many obstacles in your way and you couldn't hack it.
Why couldn't you just figure it out?
“Okay.” 
As you nod at him one last time, in the most awkward final goodbye that anyone has ever witnessed in real life or on TV, Offender cringes. 
“-Hey, nobody answered my question. What are you doing?” Panic is starting to set in for real, as you leave, and Slender makes no move to follow you, or waive, or say anything else. He just watches. 
What is this?? Anyone with even one working braincell can tell that these two are more meant for each other then any other so-called fucking 'romance' in history. What is this!?
Panicking even more, Offender wants to go and catch you before you get away, but instead of the graceful chase he was intending to give, he manages to get caught trying to escape the couch and tumbles off of it and hard onto the wooden floor. Its not been waxed in a long time. He’s going to have splinters in his face, for sure. 
At least this gets Slenders attention, who stops watching you leave for the last time, and turns to look dubiously at his brother. It proves as nearly a distraction from his heart burning in his chest, so he’s eager to get to the insults. “... Are you starting to age? One of the first signs is loss of coordination, so you may well be. If you start to lose your hearing, do let me know. I’m next, after all.” 
“No, I’m not starting to age, you spiteful little dick.” Offender, again gracelessly, gets up from the floor and fixes his coat, before stomping over to Slender with a firm, angry finger pointed. “I was disoriented, by the bullshitery happening a few feet away!” 
Slender's voice is still dull, but in a difference way now. Tired. He just wants to go to his room and sleep for 11 weeks. His heart feels like its oozing out of his rib cage. Like its become liquid, and it’ll never be better again. This is too much, he didn't sign on for this, this is one of the many many reasons that humans are foul, loathsome creatures he shouldn't bother himself with, fuck- Why didn't he listen to his own goddamn advice?
He tries to perk up, though, for the sake of one of his favourite kind of digs. “Oh, is Jeff home?” 
“Can you stop playing around for a couple zeptoseconds and talk straight with me, pixie boy?” 
Ah, ‘Pixie boy’. Slender’s been waiting for that little nickname to come back around... not. Offender named him that as Slender's attitude really began to blossom as he grew up, because he resembled one of those little, spiteful, tricky fairies that humans go on and on about stealing their firstborn's, and such. Like Slender would ever want anything with a snivelling little infant. At least not a living, one- And he wouldn't bother leaving a replacement.
“No, shan’t. And can’t. Good day.” Slender makes a yawning sound, genuinely tired even not counting the disgusting heartbreak rushing like sepsis poisoning through his veins- from arguing with you all through the night before you came up with your very sensible conclusion, to end things. Offender watches, in complete disbelief and exasperation as Slender turns his back on him and heads through to the kitchen. 
“Bitch, if you think I’m gonna give up that easy... “ Offender mutters to himself, as he rolls up his sleeves for emphasis and goes after his little brother. 
-Who hears what was just muttered, and enquires about his supposed consequences, if he did indeed think that Offender would give up that easy. Cheekily. “Hm?”
“Then- you’ll-... be sorry-” Slender laughs quietly, and Offender gets the idea that that answer is not the right one. He also wants to punch him, but what else is new. “You will be... you will... you’ll be sorely mistaken, young man!!”
Oh, fuck. Offender thinks. I’m starting to sound like Splender. Except somehow less intimidating. Goddamn.
They travel through the mansion until Slender gets to his room. He slams the door closed right before Offender was to walk in after him, gets a frustrated swear in response, and is met with a big brother to the face a second later, when Offender teleports right in front of him. 
Slender sighs in utter discontent. 
Without a word, though, he veers around Offender and heads for the left wall of his room, which he’s converted into a makeshift kitchen. So that he can have tea and breakfast, without having to venture into public eating area and see people. He fills the kettle with water and sets it on the stove, using a tentacle to turn the dial. He doesn't turn back to Offender, just stands at the stove and watches the old fashioned, open topped kettle. 
God, he’s diminished. Its taking all he has to keep up the front he has, now. He takes a slow, deep breath in. Why did he do that? Why did he end it with you? Slender suddenly feels the urge, physically, to move forward and get you back, even if he has to beg on his knees, but-
Slenders shoulders slowly, gently drop again as he lets out the breath. -but, he cant. He wont let himself. 
This is the best, for both of you. 
Mostly for them. Slender cant help but add on. Because, its true. He wants nothing, quite like he wants for you to be happy. If it meant his own destruction, which it apparently does, then that's what he'll do. He'll make it happen. He'll suffer.
“Tea?” Slender pipes up, starting the conversation this time himself, surprisingly. Offender looks at his back with a mix of ‘I don't know what to do here’ and that rare bit of ‘help him’ that always seems to come tearing out of the deepest parts of him when his brothers are in trouble. He had been reading Slender's thoughts and now he understood what his little brother was thinking- but it was still dumb as hell. And he refuses to take it.
His voice is cold, but his words give him all away, when he speaks next. “I want you to know that if that’s what you really think, that you’re both- that they’re, gonna be better for this, then you're delusional. But I know that you don't listen to anyone else, so yes. I would like tea. Thanks.” 
It relaxes Slender a little knowing that Offender knows where he stands. That he doesn't have to nail into his brother how fixed his mind always is on things, like he has to with nearly everyone else who thinks they can change his mind. They cant. No one has that ability and its quite exhausting proving that over and over. He supposes that's one thing his idiot brothers are good for.
He nods in response, the slightest bit of relief dripping off his forehead. 
The next few minutes are silent, except for the eventual question of ‘Earl Grey or English Breakfast?’, and the response of ‘Irish’. The silence continues, until Slender pushes a cup into Offenders hands and then finally, finally rests down in an elegant chair and table that looks out on his beloved forest. There’s another chair, which Offender finds home in, as Slender looks depleted with his shoulders hunched forward, his fingers tight around his cup, and his gaze on the window. Or, what’s outside, of course.
Seeing this, what Offender can only construe as a look of longing- he tries again. “So... you... don't wanna make up with Y/N, because...?” 
Slender sighs, giving in to the conversation. Any other day, he’d fight it till the cows came home, but today... he just doesn't have it in him. Too... tired. He shifts his focus onto the dark, milk-less void of in his cup and slowly, shakily lets go with one hand to trace the edge gently. “I want off this rollercoaster, Offender. Y/N and I... we don't do anything but fight. I love them, somehow- but I’ll live forever, while they wont. They deserves to spend their limited amount of time in peace, and they wont get that with me. That's just... how it is. That's what we have seen.” 
“You know it only feels like you fight all the time, when you’re fighting... that's normal, bro. There’s plenty of time when you and that kid are freaken… merged like black holes.” Oh, wow, that is not a bad analogy. Okay- “That must be why you’re hurtin’ so much now.” 
“Black holes stay around for a long time.” Slender tells him immediately, and Offender hates him in that moment for knowing about space.
“Okay, bad analogy.” 
“Yes.” 
Frustrated again, Offender puts his tea firmly on the table to arouse attention. “Alright, new angle. It will come as no shock to you that we’re about as evil as that devil bastard himself, yes? We’re absolute turds next to the fucking gold crapping angel that is Splender, and the charity funder that is Trend.” Slender shifts, at that. Yes, that’s true. But does he needs to put it so unflatteringly? “ -Yet, that sweet, probably hallucinatory human out there in the forest fell in love with you. And you, with all your crusty, hates-every-damn-thing-ness, fell in love with them too. Love! You! Do you know how crazy that is? One in 7 billion. And that's with normal fucking people. Why the fuck are you letting it disappear???” 
“Its for the best-” 
“That kid, that mortal person, out there, is the best thing either of us could ever have hoped to deserve and you stumbled upon it! Now, you think you can just let them walk away?? And, also, what makes you think you're capable of that, anyway?” 
Slender brings the tea, shakily to his ripped lips. This is starting to annoy him again, so he takes a deep breath. “...- ” 
“You’ve never been able to do it before!!” Offender mildly rages, exasperated, as he stands up, letting his chair squeal back behind him. Slender looks up, to see his face over his tea. “Okay, okay. One last thing. Tell me, Slender. Can you stand to wake up tomorrow, and feel absolutely fucking empty? Because that's what's coming. You’re going to sleep peacefully all night, without a turn or even a snore escaping you, and you're gonna wake up and for a second you’re not gonna remember. But this ain't somethin' you can sleep off. You're gonna hurt, its probably gonna feel like you're dying, and its gonna be all your fault. You gave away the very last thing, that you should have.” 
At the mental image that penetrates his mind and, god forbid, his heart, Slender physically winces. Nearly looses hold of his cup. 
Offender just watches him for seconds, calming down from his outburst... before shoving his hands deep into his pockets, and pushing back his shoulders. Hopefully, that did it. Hopefully, that's enough -Besides, all this caring is starting to give him back pains. He desperately needs to go do something bad. Maybe he’ll hit up the streets. 
Before he teleports away, Offender doesn't quite catch sight of the way Slenders tea gets set down on the table. His body convulses ever so slightly, at the realisation of how fucking wrong he is. 
Then in the next second, Slender's gone, too. 
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