#tl;dr i think they could find their way through a relationship together but it would take a lot of work

[muppetjackrackham]

23 my girl jo barker

character ask game

23. Future headcanon

tbh as much as i love the open ended ambiguity of johanna and anthony being able to escape the horrors to some extent and live their lives together i also know how ptsd works and i don't know that i believe anthony and johanna would just stay together after everything that's happened. i think anthony would try his best, would try to love johanna with everything he has, but i don't know if he's someone that would recognize whether or not he's out of his depth and/or know what johanna really needs after having literally killed a man to survive coming out of an incredibly abusive environment as judge turpin's ward AND the added trauma of the asylum and then on top of it all almost dying at the hands of her own father.

now, that being said, we also don't really know what it is anthony comes from. all we really know is that he was a sailor and at some point he rescued sweeney while they were out at sea. if we go by the original penny dreadful sweeney todd is based on, i would imagine anthony is probably based on mark ingestrie, who was in love with a girl named johanna oakley. at some point mark is imprisoned in the cellar beneath mrs. lovett's pie shop and forced to help cook the pies before ultimately escaping up the lift that brings the pies up from the cellar and into the shop itself. i think if our anthony has subsequent trauma of his own that we just don't know about, i could see it potentially still working between the two of them, because he would have some insight, albeit specific to his own trauma, that would allow him to at least empathize with johanna's circumstances better than he would without it (which isn't a knock on him, but it's very hard to understand things that have never happened to you, let alone be there to try and help someone in the ways they may want or need. it's not impossible, and it's not a one size fits all, but it's certainly not easy when you don't have any trauma of your own [and sometimes even when you do! trauma isn't a one size fits all; even people with the exact same trauma will still experience it differently because they're still fundamentally different people in terms of how they think how they feel, how they process things and how long it takes for them to process things]). but i think if he's as naïve as the overview of principal roles in sweeney todd makes him out to be, i don't think he and johanna would stay together.

as for johanna, i'm honestly not sure beyond that. i can't say for sure what i think she'd do, other than want to be rid of london for just about every reason imaginable and then some. maybe become a sailor herself, going from place to place, not wanting to be trapped like the bird in a cage motif that introduces her to us and follows through to the end when she can finally take her life, her fate, her freedom into her own hands for the first time in her life.

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

OK Guys. I get the skepticism esp after the Knuckles disaster, but we also need to keep in mind "this is a trailer that won't spoil literally everything about the movie." ESPECIALLY in regards to GUN. They're not gonna put in the trailer "the military shot a little girl and that's why Shadow is mad so Sonic is going to never work with them ever." That's a great way to get parents to bring their kids to the theater, especially in America. (/s)

It's WAY more effective as a plot twist halfway through, where Sonic thinks that he's finally being accepted onto Earth via working with the government only to find out that they're exploiting him and Shadow the same. I can't guarantee this is gonna happen obviously but it's like a 90% chance just knowing how, like. writing works.

Esp considering the government has not had a good track record in the last two movies, I dunno if they'd do a heel-face turn into "actually they were always right" in the movie where a little girl needs to get shot by the government.

And I'm not gonna say "trust and form a parasocial relationship with a film director" but we should keep in mind that Jeff Fowler got his start working on Shadow's title game and has stated in interviews that he understands how important Shadow's backstory is to his character. Not to mention how the internet has been exploding the last two years with enthusiasm over this story actually getting shown onscreen, enough that a studio would fucking notice at the very least that this is what the people want. I can't guarantee they'll actually listen, but saying that they're absolutely not because "Sonic was in a GUN helicopter in the trailer" is insane. Especially with the fact that GUN is not with Sonic when he goes to Eggman. We just see Team Sonic alone meeting with Stone, and I will bet you it's because there's no way in hell GUN would let them near him, what with the Robotnik connections to the ARK.

Also the Gerald thing is rather worrying, esp with the lack of shit they gave Pachacamac in the miniseries, but honestly I think that was just a marketing push of "Jim Carrey will be playing TWO characters!!!" Considering he's only seen in one trailer scene AT the ARK (where all of Gerald's technology was and, more importantly, where the Eclipse cannon he needs someone to set off is) AND we know from movie 2's credits scene that there was a fifty-year timeskip, I severely doubt that's the real Gerald who's just completely unaffected by his granddaughter being murdered.

And ofc there's things to be concerned about in the trailer. The lack of Rouge for instance– I obviously keep posting my theory that Krysten Ritter's character will be her undercover but the fact we don't know how much time she'd actually have with Shadow, if at ALL, is worrying. The fact that Rouge might not be here period. The weird pacing of the Knuckles show and the fear that could bleed over into the movie. But there's also stuff to get excited about– the epic fight scene choreography, the brief glimpse we got of Maria and Shadow's bond. Reeves's voice actually fits Shadow and at least from what the trailer showed us it looks like the Green Hills storyline is taking a backseat to the action and mystery of Project Shadow.

tl;dr guys calm down for like five minutes. if the movie sucks in december we can riot then. right now let's just band together against mufasa

[always-andromeda]

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐋𝐋, 𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐃

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍

𝐩����𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ✯ Father Paul Hill x Fem!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ✯ 2925

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 ✯ taboo au + "Everything I've done...every atrocity, it's been for you."

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ✯ okay, I haven't exactly finished a piece in a good while. so this one is sort of serving as a warm-up and if it's terrible (which I have a good feeling it is lmao), I'm gonna have to ask y'all to be gentle on me. I've loved this man for a while now and this is sort of experimental. tl;dr: I am a sensitive little baby right now so treat me as such.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ✯ smut (minors, do not interact), obviously a pretty massive gap in both age and power, depictions of blood and death, could be read as dub con at first (if you squint really hard) but firmly lands on the side of full con, a lot of religious mumbo jumbo (lmao let's ignore the fact that I know almost nothing about Catholicism <3), so much blasphemy, oral (female receiving), a twinge of sub!Paul, and that's all I can think of!! let me know if more is needed!!

(mdni banner template credit goes to @cafekitsune!!)

Behind closed eyelids, all you saw was darkness. And through that darkness came white hot agony. It was practically blinding as it shot up your spine before detonating in your brain. Those little fragments of pain speckled across the inside of your skull.

You wanted to scream, hurl, cry, something. Anything to physically release the intense pain assaulted your nerves. But you wouldn't be granted that mercy. No.

For now, your suffering was confined to this unending darkness. For now, you waited in the void of your own being for the tragedy to subside.

For weeks you anxiously waited for the return of Monsignor Pruitt from his mission trip. Though spending your afternoons looking after the dementia ridden clergyman wasn't exactly your idea of a good time, it was far better than slumming it with Beverly Keane. After all, you were 99% sure that whatever Bev heard managed to make its way all around the island.

Crockett Island was a melting pot of rumors. By now you'd heard the stories; the mythology of the island's residents had woven together to form a complex tapestry. And the longer you stayed, the more you realized how little you desired to be a part of it all.

But you didn't have a choice. Whether you liked it or not, Crockett's citizens had already spun your narrative.

Everyone knew how your mother had taken you away from the island at the ripe age of five years old; saving you the heartache of being raised by an alcoholic father. Part of you had always been grateful for it despite how tough it had been being raised by a single mother who hardly had anything to her name. Yet you couldn't help the guilt that poured into your lungs like cement whenever someone mentioned how much your father had suffered before he died.

Because that was the only way you would've gone back to the island that lived in the shadows of your memory: death. And upon meeting Monsignor Pruitt, it became clear that death would also be the only way you'd want to leave.

The relationship that had bloomed between you and him was a humble one. He'd offered to talk you through your grief which you'd promptly denied. Though you attended services, you weren't much for religion and you weren't about to embrace it fresh off of the death of a father who was practically a stranger. It felt disingenuous.

Finding God is reserved for real tragedies, right?

You'd asked the question like it was a joke.

Monsignor Pruitt had merely tilted his head before replying in that lilting, raspy voice of his: Depends on what you think qualifies as a tragedy.

With a quick eye roll, you'd written the answer off as one of those unbalanced moments of his. Over the course of a few months, you'd become well acquainted with them. Going to services and keeping him company was something to do. Something other than rifling through decades of your father's clutter and further entangling yourself with the community. Something other than being reminded of your own wasted potential.

Strangely, the monsignor felt less like an all seeing eye and more like...a friend. And now, faced with his "temporary" replacement, you were finally certain of what qualified as a tragedy to you.

From the moment Father Paul had addressed the church, you were unsettled. He may have been perfectly kind and personable enough, but his mannerisms edged on the uncanny valley. It was the way he spoke during sermons and how that tone rarely changed during one-on-one conversations. Though he couldn't have been older than thirty, he often held himself as if he'd been around the block more times than anyone could fathom. It was easy to chalk it up to his nature. Of course the man of God had an eerie way of making you feel like a puny mortal.

But Monsignor Pruitt had never made you feel like that. You couldn't brush the thought of the old man out of your mind.

Every time Father Paul attempted to placate your worries, it only pushed you deeper into the depths of distrust. Somehow you just knew he was lying.

And for all of Father Paul's wisdom and mystique, he wasn't a good liar. His tone would shift as he glossed over your concerns with a quick reassurance that Monsignor Pruitt was recovering just fine on the mainland. When you felt brave enough to press him for more, he'd wring his hands or squeeze them into fists. Almost as if he had to physically stop himself from reprimanding you. After all, who were you to question him?

When your eyes finally opened, your vision was overwhelmed by the light. Softly, slowly, the light haloed around the head of a figure that carefully came into view. As your sight sharpened, you quickly realized who stood over you. 

The man you held the most wariness for was kneeling over you. His long face wrought with concern, the alarm bells were already blaring in your muddled mind. But as much as you tried to force the air from your lungs to scream, you could only let out a pathetic, strangled squeak.

That was when he spoke. His voice shook with what sounded like uncertainty, "You mustn't overexert yourself. You're still coming back. But don't worry, you'll be yourself again soon. All in due time."

No matter how much you tried to speak, to move, neither of the actions came to you. All you could do is watch as Father Paul pulled your paralyzed body into his arms and cradled you. And as the potency of your helplessness settled in, you vaguely felt tears prick at your waterline. 

Normally, you would've rather died than allowing yourself to cry in front of someone, especially in front of the father. This time you couldn't control the few tears that slid freely down your cheeks, landing on the father's hand where he gripped your still aching shoulder.

He noticed them immediately and let you out of his grasp long enough to stare into your glossy eyes.

You couldn't quite decipher the intent behind the softness of his gaze. But somehow it was enough to allow the nausea that had slowly been rising in your chest to subside.

Father Paul raised a hand to cup your face. His thumb carefully stroked your cheek, sweeping away the wet trails left by your despair. And whether it was from your sensitivity or the intimacy of the act, you didn't know. But your skin shivered. 

As you gradually regained the feeling in your body, you realized that the first thing you felt after the pain was him. The inherent warmth of his embrace. And in some fucked up way, it was comforting. Feeling like prey, you blinked back the rest of your tears and allowed yourself to soak up as much of him as you could; anything to get rid of the dull pain that plagued your nerves.

You noticed there were tears brimming his own eyes as he smiled softly. "There, you mustn't cry. You've been so brave and in return you've been blessed."

It was then that you began to regain enough cognizance to question what was happening.

Flashes of memory played each time you blinked.

That damned question had been on the tip of your tongue again.

So you found him in the recreational center. There he’d been, on his knees, praying fervently.

Hopefully you're praying for the monsignor's return.

You regretted the words almost as soon as you'd said them. Because as soon as Paul turned, he gave you that dark look that rarely graced his features. This time he hadn't even tried to hide it with his usual discretion.

He merely stared right past you with his eyes wide and pleading. 

You hadn't had the chance to see the thing that attacked you fully. But you felt its teeth at your neck. You felt your own blood dripping from your neck in such a thick stream that the dizziness came almost as soon as you hit the ground. You felt the rough, pale skin of the creature as it smothered you, greedily devouring every ounce of your life.

Of course you were surprised to find yourself lying on the sheets of Paul's bed in his modest home, but that shock was the least of your worries. How were you still alive?

He told his tale as your body mended itself. You didn't know how much time passed. All you knew is that you were enraptured with the sticky sense of dread that was growing in your stomach as he spoke.

You were acutely aware of just how much it sounded like a sermon. How, whether he was aware of it or not, he was pulling out every stop in the preacher's handbook to try and convince you. And if he didn’t sound so convinced himself, you would swear this was deliberate manipulation. But nothing else could possibly explain his youthful appearance and all that he knew. He could recite your history right back to you despite the fact that you’d never once trusted him nearly enough to give it. Only the monsignor knew your deepest fears and your darkest secrets. But this wasn’t your monsignor.

Father Paul was some new beast; an amalgamation of the sweet old man you’d once known, the deceptive preacher who took his place, and some other supernatural force that you couldn’t quite name.

Though you’d only caught half a glimpse of the creature, you attempted to express your terror. That only spurred him on further as he contended that when an angel of the Lord appeared to the shepherds upon the birth of Jesus, it deliberately told them to not be afraid.

But none of that explained himself. None of it allowed you to comprehend how Monsignor Pruitt could've shed decades of life; how the old man could now stand there, blood drying on the bottom half of his face, and look at you as if you were something he could have.

You didn't have to ask. You knew by then that when the creature had had its fill of your blood, Father Paul had pulled the scraps of you away for himself. The thought hit you dangerously and made something deep inside you rumble. Like a natural disaster, this had unearthed a litany of complications that you never could’ve anticipated.

“We are at a crossroads," Father Paul said gently before letting his conviction surge again, “Now, you once said that finding God was reserved for those experiencing tragedy, correct?”

You nodded sagely. 

Father Paul grasped your trembling hands in his own, “Have you not experienced one of life’s greatest tragedies? The ending of it? You fell right over the edge of life and before the waters of death could claim you, He brought you back. Hebrought us together.”

You shook your head in defiance.

“This was meant to happen. This was part of His plan, for our faiths — our lives — to be renewed.”

With your throat still stiff and dry, you croaked angrily, “There was nothing wrong with my life! There was nothing that needed to supposedly be renewed!” 

He raised his voice suddenly, “Why did you come to this island?”

“Because my father died.”

“A father who was no better than a stranger to you,” he recalled your own words quickly. If the monsignor had been wise, Father Paul was as sharp as a knife, taking his jabs at you with complete accuracy. “You didn’t have to come here. You didn't have to make friends with a crazy old man. By the grace of God, you were led here. You were led here so you could be shown this truth; this gift. And you are denying this gift."

You had to admit that your draw to Crockett had been strange. At first you'd attested it to some childhood curiosity. But you'd deliberately put off taking care of your father's run down property, instead opting to spend time walking in the light of Pruitt. In truth, his companionship had been a breath of fresh air. 

Though the people of Crockett adored him, it was always tinged with pity. You'd never pitied him; only admired him for his wisdom and his resilience. 

Paul's expression softened as he held your face in his hands. "Everything I've done...every atrocity, it's been for you." That was when you saw the edges of his wisdom begin to lift and fall away like a second skin he'd crafted over his own vulnerability.

Underneath it...he was simply a man. A man who wanted to save you. 

“Let me give you more. Let me show you how you can trust me," he whispered.

The first kiss inspired an odd mix of emotions in your chest. There was the coppery tang of dried blood on your tongue, strong enough that it took everything in you not to flinch away from his hold on you. But you remembered his reference to the angel and the shepherds.

Do not be afraid.

So you continued, deepening the kiss with a turn of your head. And for all of the worldly experiences Paul had, you became acutely aware that this sort of connection was not among them.

Whether there'd been any true romantic feelings for the aging monsignor, you couldn't quite say. But your fondness of him had transferred to the man before you. Granted, the transfer wasn't smooth, but it was there nonetheless. Somehow it was stronger than ever as he took your hand and brought it to his lips. The kiss he pressed against your palm was slightly tacky with your own half dried blood still lingering.

You brushed a lock of his wavy, dark hair back so you could properly meet his gaze. With the shroud of time having fallen away from his features you could see just how handsome the man was. It was a hesitant sort of attractiveness; as if the banner of God had prevented him from seeing his full potential.

He'd fed on your life and made himself new. And the thought of your monsignor living on in that small way...all because of you? The electric twinges that sparked in your chest were almost too much to bear.

Without fear you devoured him in another kiss. Quickly the mood turned from reverent to ravenous as Paul attempted to keep up with your fervency.

He couldn't remember the last time sin had overpowered his sense of morality. Because he knew in the traditional sense, this was pure sin. No matter how wrong he believed it might have been to let his hands roam your figure, in his bones it was a temptation that finally felt correct. There was none of that hesitance or shame or fear that he'd felt before. The pendulum had shifted on morality and he knew exactly what he needed to do.

Hardly a moment was spared as he tore into the long skirt and the underwear that had kept you modest for far too long. Perfect beauty like this had to be cherished.

So that is what he did. Planted firmly between your legs, he stared up at you with eyes that gently pleaded for permission; for salvation. With your own half lidded eyes, you nodded before spreading yourself open for him.

Like a flower, you bloomed beautifully and Paul groaned at the sight. He could practically feel the thrumming pulse before him as it waited to indulge him. His hot breath teased you and made sparks dance right beneath the surface of your skin. Still you stayed in place, patiently allowing him time to drink in the sight of your folds already puffing and glistening with slick.

Quietly, you heard him mumble something that you only caught the tail end of.

“–forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

It wasn't too long after that when his tongue found a home in that tight, warm crevice. Your hand knitted itself into his dark hair as you searched for something to ground yourself from the overpowering sensation. Something about this new condition of yours heightened every aspect of pleasure.

If you were in your right mind, it would make sense logically considering you'd felt the unbearable pain of your spine shattering and being put back together again. But this was overwhelming in the entirely opposite direction.

You experienced the pleasure on a cellular level as your climax rushed through your limbs. You seemed to feel the vibrancy of every emotion and atom that comprised your being. Nothing was spared from the glory of this blessing. Not your spasming cunt as it contracted around Paul's blessed tongue. Not your heart that was firmly on the track of restoration. And not your mind as it all at once fell apart in time with your quivering thighs. Blood pulsing, every single one of your pores felt more alive than ever as you finally embraced the higher power that had been waiting for you in the shadows all along.

At that moment, you believed it all. From the Angel to Father Paul's divine transformation to the euphoric paradise that enveloped your entire being...it was all real. And most of all, it was all yours. Thanks to the father's grace and generosity, you would create paradise with him. And that seemed possible. After all, with his head between your thighs, you’d both already created one.

[bridgetoesoteria]

💓Sunday Special: What lessons are your ancestors tired of you repeating?

In the spirit of Sunday, I wanted to post something that digs deep. What lesson(s) do they see you constantly repeating? Why does it matter? How can you move past it?

This reading is open to anyone who believes in some kind of guiding higher power, you needn't resonate with the term "ancestors." I'll be using terms interchangeably throughout.

As always, piles are left to right and I hope it resonates 😙

~ K

No TL;DRs with this post. Sorry not sorry 💋

Pile 1

Spread: 6 of Swords, The Lovers, King of Wands, Justice. Bottom of deck is The Star.

So this will be your main spread. It is about the lesson they see you repeating the most. When I started shuffling I heard "naive/naivete." I also heard, "you can't heal in the place that you are broken." I don't know if that's exactly how the phrase goes, but the gist is that you can't expect to get better in the same place that is harming you.

Coming back to your spread, for many of you this is pretty cut and clear. You are back and forth with someone. You could be in a constant "healing cycle" because of this person or situation. For some of you this person could be your dad. Maybe you would like to build a healthy relationship with them but it never works out. For others, I think this is some kind of romantic situation.

I've never seen the lovers card in this way but I'm noticing how much smaller the girl looks than the guy. Some of you could deal with toxic men who are older than you or controlling. **TW: Abuse** I clarified and it seems like some of you could be in an abusive situation which could explain the cyclical nature I was picking up on.

Whatever it is clearly breaks you down. You may want to end whatever this is but you don't know if you can trust your intuition and that you will be okay.

To be very clear, I do not believe in any kind of victim blaming. I wasn't expecting this message. So I don't mean "lesson," as way to imply you are doing it to yourself. In this pile its more like what concerning cycle are you repeating.

Why does it matter

I'm using this relationship question deck I bought online. Its not made with the purposes of tarot. The two cards on the left came out together which I think is meaningful.

It matters that you break this cycle because it is important that you build trust in yourself and your spirituality. Whatever higher power(s) you believe in, do you believe they can take you through anything? Do you believe that you will be supported if you take step in the direction you feel guided? This repeating scenario is similar to picking at a scab or poking at a wound. It is hurting you in the same place again and again, so you can never fully heal. For some of you, you may have kids that are watching you repeat this cycle.

Besides that I am finding it hard to pick up on anything else. So I think you are supposed to look over the cards and do some soul searching. It will probably have a different message for everyone.

How can you move past it

Power and Intention (Oracle) + Ease and Grace (Oracle)

I do think its worth noting that Guardian Angel is a the bottom of the deck. More than anything, I am getting to trust your angels (or guides, ancestors... you know what I mean). They don't want you to rush the process or to look to far ahead. Take everything step by step and remain grounded. Reach out to on your spirit team and trust the guidance you receive. Rely on any strong friends you have around you.

For some I am getting a male family member. This person could be older you and pretty serious, but their eyes hold a lot of emotion. Deep down they want to see you do better and will step up if you call on them. This could also be friend or someone that has passed.

Incorporating yoga, meditation, or other forms of mindfulness can help you navigate this situation. It can also help you get clear about your intentions.

Pile 2

Spread: 5 of Cups, Page of Swords, 2 of Pentacles, Ace of Swords. Bottom of deck is The Sun.

In some way, you could be ignoring the truth. Maybe you found out someone lied and you are very disappointed about that. Also, this might not be the first time you have been let down. I usually see the page of swords as a defensive card but usually this energy builds up over time. Like a bunch of small stuff just add up to the point where you are "always ready," with a certain person. So yeah...if you think/know someone is full of shit...they are.

The repeating lesson could very well be you continuing to forgive someone who insists on being a duplicitous ass. For many of you, it could be to the point where you are turning on yourself internally. Not sure what to think or do. I think you do what things to get better but you don't want to get burned.

Why does it matter

I'm using a non tarot, relationship deck for this question.

I see a message I was receiving earlier in these cards. I got a feeling that a few of you could want to study or pursue a career outside of what your family has deemed suitable or worthwhile. There could be certain expectations you are expected to live up to but I don't think you really want to. You are becoming more of a free spirit.

I'm not saying too much for this section in any of the piles. I feel like the messages will all be deeply personal and unique. So just reflect on the cards and see what revelations they hold for you.

How can you move past it

Compassion (Oracle) + Courage and Bravery (Oracle)

Just from looking at the cards I get an energy of bravery. I feel like you are being encouraged to step out on your own. You could resonate with Joan of Arc or the movie Brave. You could know that you have creative energy. So take that empress energy to plan and manifest your dreams.

Some of you need to turn that decadent, abundant energy inward and nurture yourself. For most of you, I think this card is asking you to extend compassion to yourself. It is asking you to find your joy and reasons to be happy in spite of the actions of others.

Your spirit team is asking you to call in reinforcements. They want you to know you don't have to go it alone. Not this time. Allow yourself to have human emotions about the reality of your situation. Don't judge yourself for whatever comes up. Some of you may feel guided to a "cut and clear" or some other kind of releasing/cleansing ritual. Your angels are with you right now. Some of you may want to be more honest and this card supports you speaking the truth.

Pile 3

Spread: 7 of Swords, The Star, The World, 10 of Pentacles. Bottom of deck is 2 of Wands.

So I was hearing "yikes on bikes," before I even drew the first card. Then I got the 7 of swords so yeahh... I am getting that most of you are the villain in this story. No judgement from me. We are just here to discuss the lesson your ancestors have watched you repeat too many times (for their liking anyway).

Some of you could be a little toxic. Maybe you are wishy-washy, up and down with your emotions, and a bit sneaky. I do think some people may have more than one person they are dealing with. You could be prone to emotional outbursts and possessiveness. This may or may not have been recommended to you yet, but you may want to consider speaking to a medical professional about this.

If it isn't you that is back and forth between two people, then you could be on the flipside. You could be on of two people that a particular person is dealing with.

However this resonates, I do think you have opportunities to get out of this but you don't act on them. You could even be making yourself "blind" to them because you are holding out hope.

Why does it matter

These cards are not tarot cards. They are from a relationship question deck I bought online. Please take some time to reflect on them. I believe they hold a unique message for everyone.

So the key to breaking this cycle may lie in your childhood. Maybe you were raised in a controlling or stifling atmosphere. This may make it hard for you to transition to being a full-blown "adult." Deep down you may not acknowledge how much you crave to feel totally uninhibited and it can lead to you being impulsive and somewhat emotionally immature.

Fret not, we do not need to be held back by our childhoods. Just because you are an adult does not mean you have to "get over it" or "grow up." There are plenty of ways to be lighthearted or expressive without upending your life.

There could be a specific support group that you would benefit from.

How can you move past it

Do The Work (Oracle) + Intuition and Downloads (Oracle)

I am using The Angel Guide Oracle for this question.

I think many of you know what needs to be done. You may also have people making recommendations to you. Do The Work makes it clear that there is some serious work that needs to be done to complete this lesson. You may feel tempted to escape this work because it feels challenging but you are being encourages to stick it out.

(Some of you could be struggling with substance abuse or another form of addiction. So this is kind of a mini intervention with your spirit team).

Intuition and Downloads speaks of receiving intuitive messages from your guides. For some of you it could come through in your dreams. You are really being urged to trust the "psychic insights" you are receiving. Trust that you are being led to healing and the best possible outcome.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna

Usual warning. This is not a review. It's just me needing to put what I'm feeling somewhere. I just finished watching so there's absolutely no critical thinking happening here.

TL;DR: WATCH THIS SHOW!!!

Well I finally finished all of Tsukutabe and to say my heart is full feels small somehow. My heart grew. I remember when I finished the second season of Kinou Nani Tabeta, I was so overwhelmed with emotions and honestly I was not expecting to be in that place again. I called it magic and I have to echo those same feelings here. Because this show it's magic. It's a gift that makes me feel thankful that I got to experience it. I really have a hard time writing about this because I'm feeling so many things so I'll try to split it in smaller bits so maybe it sounds a bit more coherent. No promises though.

Kasuga I have to start here because she's my favourite, in case it wasn't obvious by my choice of pfp. She's so cute. I fell in love with her almost immediately. I've talked about this before but to see a character eat the way she does on screen healed something in me. The way she looks at Nomoto made me melt multiple times and her smile completely shatters this cold heart of mine. The episodes around her family had me bawling [normally I would wish for her father to be run over or something, but that would only add misery to Kasuga's mother, so I just hope he dies first] but seeing her put herself first and release herself from those expectations was amazing. Her journey was incredible and it was great that she was able to open up to Nagumo and Nomoto. I have to congratulate Nishino Emi for her portrayal of Kasuga. Considering she's not an actor (she's a musician btw) and this is her only acting credit, I thought the way she embodied Kasuga was really good.

Nomoto I adore her. Her happiness was infectious and she made me smile so wide. Cooking for your loved ones is just such the most beautiful thing to me and she and Shiro are the standard and everyone else can take notes. She's more open than Kasuga so we have more of an insight to her and to watch her awakening was amazing. It reminded me a bit Sakuko [Koisenu Futari] in the beginning. Her facial expressions always gave her away and it was such a contrast to Kasuga's reserved demeanor.

THEM The Yin and Yang. They are so different on the surface but the way they come together and create a space for each other is just so beautiful to see. They are learning from each other through these two seasons and growing together and navigating the realities of their relationship and what it all means and how it makes them feel. I just love the happiness in Nomoto's eyes whenever Saguka is eating her food and the happiness and little smiles in Kasuga's face whenever Nomoto got really excited by a vegetable or a finished dish. They are perfect and will live happily ever after. Period.

Nagumo This girl has my whole heart. I said this before in the notes but every time she was on my screen I just wanted to give her a hug. She's fragile but resilient and although she was a bit shy at first, the way she shared her story with Kasuga and quickly became the person she went to for advice was so good. And to see her getting help, finding relief in a word and hope in the future made me cry so much. And when she took that bite it made my heart grow that very second. And just as a aside, the fact that the show chose to have her eat while the others didn't notice and after they did, they still didn't make it a big deal made me ugly cry. Because that's the magic part. That when I feel that a show knows what it's doing with its characters. And the moment at the end in the job thing when she said she wanted to do something that allowed to talk to people had me clapping like a proud mama.

Chiharu I love her. I love that Nomoto had someone by her side from the beginning that she could confide in and that was supportive. And that when she "messed up", like with the wedding talk, she was given space to reflect and understand and give her friend the space she needed to talk about it. Cause it's okay to not be all woke - god, I hate this word - all the time. As long as people are ready to listen to each other and learn from one another. Also always happy for the screw marriage discourse.

Yako The ace rep had me clapping at first of course. It's so rare anywhere in media so it always adds points no matter what. So obviously... I love her. She's such an amazing supporter. She's so kind and open. Her relationship with Nomoto was wonderful but she and Naguma gave me some of my favourite moments ever. Because being supportive sometimes is just being present, is asking questions, is just listening to understand and not judge. And to want those around you to grow. That moment where she realized what the move meant for Nagumo and asked her to go for a walk was so good.

THESE WOMEN. I love these women. All of them. How they come together for each other, and the kindness and understanding made me ugly cry on more than one occasion.

The Food This show really speaks to me in several ways and I know I spoke of this before but I keep coming back to food.

You eat too much or you don't eat enough. Or you don't eat it the right way. Or eat the right things. Food is just sustenance for some. Food is joy to others. Food is what makes some of us get up in the morning. Food is to eat alone or together. It means a lot of different things to different people. It's food. You eat yours and I eat mine. Can we just not pay so much attention to this? Now that I got that out. Japanese shows are the best at using food in their stories. And more often that not, it's a place of joy and healing. And the fact that this series showed that food can also be a source of trauma and something that makes you different, as well as a place where you can heal is so important to me. Because I can relate to both those things. The dining table has been a place where I felt wrong different but also a place where I found so much joy.

The Magic Much like Kinou Nani Tabeta this show is full of magic. It was made by people that needed to make it, to talk about things that mattered, from a place of empathy and love. I feel like I was meant to watch this show. The universe conspired to put it in front of me. I understand this sounds super corny, and honestly if anyone else said this words to me I would be rolling my eyes way back into my skull, so I get it. But it feels cosmic somehow. Also fun fact that helps the magic of it all. One of the characters and I share a last name. Me, little portuguese me, and a japanese character from this show. Can you imagine the odds? And no, I have no connection to Japan whatsoever, and my last name isn't even a very common one in either country. So really it has to be magic, right? Also, I have a small confession. GL's were never my favourite. I'm enjoying 23.5 a lot for example but I'm never in a rush to watch them. I have a bias against them that I never really examined, except that I find that I'm much more critical of them so I enjoyed them less. But this show, these women, just moved the needle a bit. There are important conversations here, not just from a queer standpoint but from a female perspective that really resonated with me, so I might need to readjust some things. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings but this is already long. I'll be thinking about this show a lot more, and there will be giffing for sure so I won't leave these characters any time soon. Also, did I mention?, I LOVE Kasuga. SHE IS EVERYTHING TO ME and one of my favourite characters of all time.

I already talked about the kindness in this show but I need to say it again. It's all about the kindness. These women. They are all so open and kind and because of that they are all better people and happier people. Maybe we can learn from them. If only we could be a little more kind to each other.

If you've made it to the end, thanks for reading💜. [A huge thanks to @furritsubs for giving us the opportunity to enjoy this masterpiece.]

[ilsicarus]

all ogawa yuki has ever been is desperate.

wait till you hear about this next nominee: ogawa yuki, born on the 4th of january, 1997 and bears a striking resemblance to myoui mina. they’re a first year bachelor of business administration student and one of the youngest ballet dancers to win the top prize in a major international competition by age nine — impressed yet? rumor has it they’re hoping to be a trophy wife, but personally, i think they should aim a little higher — something like the king’s club, for one. now, that suits them a little more, don’t you think? guess we’ll just have to see if they’ve got the talent for it in our upcoming recruitment round.

(ooc — hi! it’s seiji (any prns, 24) and i’m here to introduce my baby girl, ogawa yuki (cdx7, 2019 black pawn), to you all! first things first, i actually struggle with the tumblr interface so if you see any mistakes every once in a while, look away ! second, please see below the tl;dr of yuki’s background + some tidbits of her personality below the cut. i’ve also linked her bio and overview below! lastly, please do hit the like button or (do!!!) head straight to my dms if you want to plot. i actually prefer plotting in discord if that’s okay (but tumblr is fine too!), do let me know if you want to head over that platform! i look forward to wreaking havoc with you all 🫶

trigger warning/s: character deaths, mentions of terminal illness, implied abuse and violence (physical, mental, emotional), undiagnosed mental illness, brief mentions of hysteria

background (or see: bio + overview)

truth of the matter is, yuki was neither needed nor wanted at the time of her birth (and unfortunately even to the present). her father was preoccupied with business (and secure enough given he already has an heir), her brother was too head-deep in boarding school all the way in switzerland, her sister (hotaru) was terminally ill, and their mother was certainly too stressed to carry an entire child to term while trying to make sure her eldest daughter survives.

ogawa yuki was born and raised with a part to play—her oldest sister’s substitute for her grieving mother, the dearest little diamond (commodity) for her father and the media, and the unimposing sibling for her oldest brother. and if yuki had a say in it, she’d say she’s done her roles well, has sat well-behaved in the cage for nineteen long years before she even sought escaping.

on instruction from her father, she gets admitted into snu for business administration. every ogawa undergoes this, they study outside of japan and bring the expertise back to ogawa. in her case, though, it’s to marry her off and expand the business (but it pays well to have graduated in a prestigious university).

and really, truly, yuki is perfectly aware of the fact that marrying someone better off than her family couldn’t be called liberation in its entirety. although yuki supposes that the only way to ever get out of the gilded cage is for something even more powerful to tear through it, her marrying someone even greater would only prove to benefit the ogawas. so, actually, how could anyone say that she would be biting the hands that have fed her, when really, she’s simply leading her life the way any ogawa was supposed to?

it’s true that the king’s club was a good stepping stone to achieve her general goal but since noh hyungseo was ultimately the goal, she exerted more effort actually trying to get him instead of getting into the club itself. though she did try, still, believing that since hyungseo was a shoe-in on the position, it would pay to be a fellow member to get even closer to him. and then he dies. unfortunate, she cried over it for a week, and then she moved on.

then, she unwittingly finds herself in love with someone post-graduation. she doesn’t quite understand what love should look like but loves him anyway. they stay together for two years. she ruins some familial relationships in order to keep him, some of her friends leave her behind, she actually enjoys life a bit. and then he takes all of that away on the day he tells her he can’t marry her because he loves someone else—the wife, his childhood friend, of a familiar and wealthy businessman.

in response, she destroys that woman’s life and works hard to make sure she gets divorced from her husband. (a double-edged sword: her former lover is fine with simply watching the love of his life be happy with the man she loves, yuki takes that away from him by making her miserable; at the same time, yuki frees her from the shackles of her marriage and take her place, maybe then, her former lover would thank her for giving him another wretched opportunity. maybe this time, he can get what he wants.)

two years after the divorce, yuki is now the second wife of said businessman. she has brought headaches upon headaches on her father and brother but the point has been met, hasn’t it? her husband is more powerful than her family, but her family also benefits from the relationship either way. she’d achieved her goal, hadn’t she?

personality

2016

having inherited her mother’s appearance, it bears noting that even at yuki’s most cruel, she looks entirely unimposing. her education and socialization also taught her to be gentle in her words and manners. by all accounts, it is nearly impossible, if at all, to reconcile the girl with someone who could harm any living being, even a bug.

contrary to her appearance and manners, yuki can be quite aggressive, calculating, and unforgiving in her actions, though this is rarely done upfront and is usually meticulously orchestrated behind the scenes, bit by bit. yuki does not confront, but she does not forget slights against her—much like her father.

yuki can be quite thorough. because every single man was an option for marriage and because she knew she had to scope out competition, yuki actually did quite the research on her peers and upperclassmen prior to and even during the initiation phase of the king’s club. one had to know the cards they were being dealt in order to win the game, after all. it’s the very same reason she could butter noh hyungseo up the way she did, also the reason why she ruffled the feathers of even the most blasé members of the club (though she has never slipped, it was unnerving how seemingly well she seemed to be able to get into their good graces).

has always had the tendency of having tunnel vision towards her future. she believes her own worries are already heavy enough to ever mind others’ and since people rarely ever worry about her, who else would worry over her except herself? it’s always her first before anyone else. it’s easy to pretend she worries and sympathizes with friends given impressions on her, but a close friend’s depression is just as useless to her as is the notion of eliminating poverty—why should it matter to her when it’s not her suffering? it’s not that she’s incapable of empathy or care, however, it takes a lot for her to trust that someone actually cares for her and she’d rather not waste energy on someone simply just pretending before her too. she just uses the people who also use her.

at the same time, she’s never taken any of her achievements seriously—given her upbringing, it was simply a matter of course required of her by her father, nothing to be congratulated about, and is also ultimately for naught since the endpoint is to be a trophy wife anyway. unlike others, regardless of her achievements, her worth is hinged solely on her being marriage material—which is why she’s focused on it.

2024

it should be said that because her sharpness was not honed by neither her father nor brother, hers is more uneven and irregular than any other ogawa counterpart. hers hurt because they’re driven in by an emotionally pained yuki.

driven primarily by her emotions in recent years, yuki has grown quite unafraid of consequences. she looks at the world with more ire, her sweetness both saccharine and poisonous.

before everything occurred, yuki only vied for one thing and one thing only: to be loved. she wanted someone to look at her and tell her they loved her and mean it. when she didn’t find that in her family, she tried looking elsewhere. she thought, with how big the world was, how could it be possible that there was not a single person who could truly love her? but being who she was had its caveats, she couldn’t just find someone to love and be done with it. there were too many things weighing her down that love in itself would be incapable of freeing her—hence, the practicality with which she approached it. nevertheless, she stumbles and falls unwittingly anyway and realizes it actually is possible for there not to be a single person to ever love you. all ogawa yuki has ever been is desperate but even she cannot bear to continue begging for something she will never receive.

some notable quotes (from the pinterest moodboard)

pyrrhic victory is a victory that inflicts such a devastating toll on the victor that it is tantamount to defeat. (also: hollow victory)

ai to wa nani ka? (what is love?)

i have this obsession with escape. in some universe, i got away from you.

i feel trapped in my own life

i’m so much more than i let people see

sorry i’m a shit daughter

how to disappear 101

potential connections

kxe1 and rxa8! will contact you guys 🫶

yuki wasn’t looking for friends when she joined the initiates, but her unimposing nature naturally allowed plenty of space to let people in—even those outside of the king’s club.

maybe yuki belonged to a small group of friends in college?

someone she competed with in international piano competitions as children. yuki wasn’t the best, sure, but your muse liked how she played. they keep pestering her why she stopped going to competitions now or for them to play together but yuki hasn’t stepped near a piano in ages. she also has no plans to anytime soon, not in this lifetime.

a childhood friend she did ballet with. maybe your muse thought they’d be able to do this together forever but yuki has always known this wasn’t part of her future. or maybe you both only did it as a hobby but during those times, you found genuine friendship with each other. maybe you’ve both drifted away, maybe the relationship is still just as strong.

the one that came after noh hyungseo—the next best thing after the best. maybe you make yuki chase, maybe she caught you, maybe she didn’t. maybe you hate her for making you feel like the replacement of the dead (though she never says so), maybe you loved her anyway. can vary.

a few flings? maybe an ex-boyfriend (or a few) that grew to know her much deeper than she intended to? or one she grew sour with? one that still antagonizes her to this day? one that just wants the best for her? (idk, this girl kept her options open)

would love unexpected connections! (maybe your muse thought they’d get along but it turns out they just don’t vibe or vice versa, maybe your muse had a bad impression on her but turned out to understand her and became good friends eventually)

[zadien]

If you could rewrite 5 chenford scenes, what would they be and why? 😊❤️

Oh gosh, okay anon, let me think. (also thank you for the ask!!)

I may come back to this later if I think of something better. tl;dr in no particular order (because this is an essay):

Do you want to come in?

5.08/5.09

The hotel room and basic biology

The break up in season six

The final elevator scene

Do you want to come in: I didn't love this moment because it implied they'd cheat on their partners and both of them have been cheated on before so it felt a little off, BUT it happens, so you know, it wasn't a deal breaker or anything. I just felt there should have been more build up if that was the way they wanted to go. If I were rewriting it, I'd have had a more charged moment at the door, a bit more swaying and leaning into each other's space, obviously not wanting to leave each other after spending that time one on one together, but there wouldn't have been that line and they'd still be toeing the "we're just casual colleagues and friends line (otherwise known as up denial creek without a paddle). Tim would have left, a bit more pining with a look back over his shoulder, Lucy could have had a moment of closing the door and leaning back against it, a wistful sigh and then covering it quickly when she saw Chris. Then she screams and Tim comes running. You know? Still getting the moment but not being so overt with it.

5.08/5.09 - So we know Lucy needed to break up with Chris. He was on chapter twenty of the story of their life and she was only on page 10. And I love Tim talking things through with her, really appreciated that. And I loved him shooting his shot. I just feel like Lucy should have had time to process it before jumping to "give me your playbook!" Like maybe an extra episode in between where she and Tim decide, actually maybe it's not worth it, they could be ruining everything and then have the bomb episode resonate more in making them realise life is short. I dunno. I feel like with The Rookie you really do have to read between the lines a lot but also they do like to smack you in the face with things that could be teased more. Lucy asking for the playbook was fine, it felt a bit off brand for her to do that but then she's never been good at reading herself or her own relationships and she's never had to break up someone before (in the show, it's always someone else breaking up with her), so I can see her messing that up, panicking and taking the Tim route -- that was fine. It was the immediately running to the office to prompt him to ask. Don't get me wrong, that was super cute, but also... that's their work place and that's the centre hub of everything and for the first two seasons IA lived in that building - and Smitty actually does live there.

I think I would have rewrote that to take place later, to maybe have Lucy go to Tim and tell him that she'd broken up with Chris but not raise the question of them going on a date. More just seeking a safe space and realising that, okay she broke up with Chris, but she's not really upset about it, or even talking to Tamara about it. I dunno, there's just something about how fast that happened that threw me a little bit and I'm not a coherent human being who can express herself well. I still find that whole scene very cute in terms of how it's acted and it's my favourite people getting together so I will never complain, but, personally, I would have spaced it out a bit more.

Basic Biology: I wanted a "there's only one bed" trope moment. We got the fake dating, we got them on a double date where they dated each other, we got practice kissing but not an "only one bed"?? (and they've literally had TWO chances to do this!) So for the hotel scene where Tim realises Lucy's back is the best thing since sliced bread (and who can blame him?) I would have extended that whole scene, not had the enemy attack so quickly because, again, what did that episode accomplish plot wise? The bad guys suddenly trusted this random girl on the floor who just got publically humiliated because Jake lost weight too fast??? Okay then. So the bad guys would not have shown up while Lucy was in the shower, Dim and Juicy would have had to stay the night, Tim would realise they're being watched (saw one of the guys lurking in the hall) and say that they need to share the bed. Lucy would joke and say they should put on a show which involves Lucy bouncing on the bed and Tim mortified but amused and aroused, nudging the bed into the wall while Lucy smothers her laugh. Then they climb into bed on separate sides, a gap between them as they try to sleep beside each other AND THEN they end up tangled in each other the next morning with Angela phoning and saying something's happening. ANOTHER charged moment and then they scramble out of bed, flustered and go be action heroes. I have thoughts about this, they're percolating, and I have a prompt, so leave this one with me we'll see what the brain produces. The season 6 parts hurt, so these will be brief. Break up: So I didn't want a break up but we have a break up and honestly, I really liked this scene, it was well done, it well acted, it was in the parking lot as per all their major moments. The only thing I'd change in this is potentially have Lucy go after Tim, or at least fight a little more because she deserves that. She deserves to be worth it, but Tim would still shut that down because she is worth it and he's protecting her from him self because he can and he will. Just a few more lines of dialogue that probably wouldn't actually achieve anything more than let Lucy have a say.

The Final Elevator Scene: I do like this scene, I liked seeing Tim give her a genuine thanks for saving him, and acknowledging the good work she did. But I would have liked to have a moment in this where she pushes back on him thanking her for her kindness, like that's totally Tim, but Lucy didn't do those things because she's kind (she is obviously, that's a core value in her) but she also still loves him. So I think it would have been nice to circle back to that earlier episode and have her walk out after him into the carpark and ask him if he loves her, not to put them back together (that will happen later), but for her to see if there's still hope, can she wait for him? And have him answer with "of course I love you". Which would have connected to that earlier scene in the season that the show hyped so much and give it a little more relevance, and it would have left us, the audience, with a little bit more hope. An I love you wouldn't fix things, it would just be a hopeful moment. Honourable mention to the truck jump because I do wish Tim and Lucy had had a bit more of a moment in that episode, just to talk more but this is the Monica show and Chenford just live in it, so we make do. Oh well. (but this is why we write fanfic and why we're eating so well with fanfic right now, because there's so many moments that can be extended or rewritten - I did do a speculation of the truck jump and I actually like it more so I'll honourably mention it as a scene I'd rewrite.)

So those are my thoughts - let me know what you think? I could be wildly off base, I really probably should have rewatched some scenes again to see what vibes I came out with but, that's what I have off the top of my head. Also thank you Anon! Thanks for including me in the fandom <3 it was a lot of fun to answer this!

[midnightsslut]

I guess we just have a different view on this which is fine but I just can’t believe a cheater can change. We saw this in Taylor’s music she has always had doubt about joe and questioned his actions. If a cheater if okay with flirting, that eventually turns into more and once it happens once you think it’s easy and can get away with it a second time cause “just one more time it’s not big deal” then it keeps going and you find new ways to accept it till you’re just okay with doing it. Taylor has shown it progressed the same way, she had doubts it was probably happening but wasn’t sure, then she knew it happened but forgave but then it just kept happening and all she could ever think about is him thinking of her. I’m not saying Taylor is a cheater or not, some music would indicate she has cheated multiple times in the past and to me if you’ve done it multiple times then you’re already at the stage of not caring to do it again. Sorry for going on this rant but as someone that found out I was getting cheated on a week before my wedding then later finding out it was going on for a full year after 8 years of being together I feel very strongly about cheating and know exactly how much it destroys your entire life. You can’t even look at yourself the same after because you know your not good enough for anyone to love or can have a life with anyone. It changed your view on everyone even people you’ve know forever because you realize no matter how much someone says they love you they will be the first to hurt you in the worst ways.

don’t apologize for ranting anon dw. I think this is an interesting conversation to have, because I’ve seen veryyyy closely what cheating can do to a person even though it hasn’t happened to me. also, I’m really sorry that happened to you. that’s absolutely horrible, and whoever did that shouldn’t be in your life.

I think you can move on from cheating in a relationship if it was a one-time thing and the person confessed immediately, for example. an affair is entirely different. people try to work through it, but honestly, most people i know can’t really do it. it’s doable if the foundation of your relationship is super strong, and you were going through a rough patch, but the hurt will always be there. you put the pieces back together, but you can’t get rid of the cracks.

as for whether someone will cheat on another person, it’s entirely dependent on the attitude they had right after they cheated the first time. if they were genuinely regretful and guilty, then they will care. if they were flippant, then yeah, it’s most likely going to become a pattern. the thing is, a lot of people aren’t super self-aware when it comes to their own behaviors. they might feel incredibly guilty in the moment, but if they’re put in a similar situation again, they’ll probably act the same way.

tl; dr: it’s complicated. cheaters can change, but it depends on a lot of factors. because yes, a lot of them don’t. don’t judge people immediately, but maybe keep the risks in mind lol. so basically there’s nuance. i say that word a lot lol.

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 1 / SIDE A / POLL 2

Dorian x Beau ( @monoma-neitoblog-blog )vs Deputy Dean Sinclaire x Jacob Seed ( @derelictheretic )

who makes up your ship?:

Dorian x Beau

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

Beau and Dorian were childhood best friends. They've known each other since they were little and they became even closer as they grew up. They dated for a little while, and had an unofficial third in their other best friend, Orias. But Beau moved away to seek better opportunity (because he desperately wants to be famous) and broke up with Dorian before leaving. Fairly healthy so far right? But Dorian is a MESS. He's super reserved and never deals with his emotions, but he just WILL NOT leave Beau alone. It's bad, like every night he calls him and leaves him some heart-wrenching and VERY manipulative voice-mail, he sits there crying all the time, admits he would do ANYTHING to see him again. Beau just ignores him the whole time. Eventually, they're brought back together in a VERY public setting, with Orias there too (who has been watching Dorian crumble this whole time) and they all hook up. Beau wants to keep it hush-hush and not get back together with Dorian but Dorian is so glad to have Beau back. Orias wants to stay with both of them but doesn't do anything about their relationship either. Eventually Beau and Dorian kind of get back together? But it's still a mutually destructive relationship because of their inherently conflicting priorities and incompatible personalities. It's bad Tl;dr Beau left because he wanted to be famous and Dorian won't leave him alone so them and another friend are all brought back together and get back together even though they're all worse off for it.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

I don't have any art of all of them together but feel free to contact me and I'll find a way to whip something up!

****

who makes up your ship?:

Deputy Dean Sinclaire x Jacob Seed

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

It all starts with Jacob kidnapping Dean, or having his chosen kidnap him for him technically. You know, how most loving relationships start. Then it goes into Jacob starving Dean for weeks, mentally conditioning him, psychologically torturing him and chipping away at his mental resolve until he breaks and becomes the perfect murder machine; which is when Jacob tricks him into killing one of his closest allies. (Not to mention his initial goal was to make someone deserving of killing him, romance in self destruction via outward force and so on and so forth). After all of this you'd think they hate each other and honestly a part of Dean does hate him but another part of him craves his praise and attention and he knows he's too far gone at this point and the only person who could love a monster is another monster. He's everything he ever feared he'd become and Jacob is the now steady force holding all his broken peices together. Congrats to Jacob for literally making him worse! And congrats to Dean for making Jacob unhealthily obsessed with him and making him feel something for the first time in years! Even if it was possessiveness and a twisted version of love! They beat the shit out of each other on multiple occasions, sometimes before or during sex. They threaten to kill the other's families and almost go through with it a few times. By the end Dean is willing to kill anyone who tries to hurt Jacob and Jacob is willing to do the same, they're tragic, they're toxic, they're the worst, they make everyone uncomfortable and they'll probably die covered in each other's blood. But at least they'll be holding hands <3

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Tag: #ship: Only Us Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4GDAKjOCyUKxWqw7acgzgi Pinterest: https://pin.it/2WOuuEp

[ven0moir]

Hiii :)) hope your day is going well

I just wanted to ask you how do you think they're gonna deal with miIeven next season?

And also, if you want ofc, how do you think they could deal with miIeven if they wanted to keep their romantic relationship till the end? With Will's painting and lie and Mike's self esteem issues, how they could make this good, in a way we could see miIeven in a good light and still think that Will had a happy ending, or if you think there's no way to make us (not only bylers but GA since they also don't like miIeven) see it in a good light. (you don't have to answer this one but i think about it a lot and i would like to see other people's opinions)

Hello, Anon! Tysm for the ask, I hope your day is going well too! This turned really long but I added a small TL;DR in the end if you'd rather not go through this all!

I’m going to put a little warning here that I’m no longer sugarcoating my thoughts on Mileven, especially because I feel like the Duffers themselves are anti-mileven. So proceed with caution.

To answer your first question, the more I rewatch the show, the more I realize that Mileven seemed to be more a plot device than an actual relationship the Duffers and writers put much depth into. I sincerely see a scenario similar to S2 Stancy happening with Mileven. They naturally drift apart throughout the season, with Mike’s focus being Will and Eleven’s being Max. 

Their break-up scene will probably look similar to S2 Stancy. I do not see why they would stray away from this pattern when they’ve already followed S1 Stancy’s blueprint for S4 Mileven. 

Imho post-S4 Mileven is not relevant at all to either El or Mike’s arcs, and I would even go as far as saying that the relationship never truly took off.

S1 - they meet during the direst circumstances. Mike was kind enough to give her a hand, and then once he realized she could help, his desperation led him to act out in a way that filled him with guilt post S1. Whether or not he actually had a crush on her, or just thought he was responsible for her and had to like her to fit in is up for interpretation. Mike saved her when she needed someone, but it never went beyond that. Mike himself says this to us during the van scene.

S2 - Mike was filled with guilt because of how El died, blaming himself for it and everything. When he’s attempting to reach her, he even says he just needs to know that she’s okay and that he’s not even going to say anything, which implies he won’t try to find her if she doesn’t wish to be found. He legitimately just wanted to know she was okay somewhere and wasn’t expecting to see her again. They meet again in the end and kiss. S3 - THIS was the season to show us how cute Mileven actually was, and how well they worked together as a team and as a couple. Instead, we got some really weird context, such as them doing literally nothing but kissing for 6 months. When she’s with Max, we learn the topic of what Eleven likes never even came up in conversation while she was with Mike. Then he had his weird projection era, and they only seem to make up again after shit hits the fan once more. 

S4 - The first thing they tell us is that El has been lying in her letters to Mike for 185 days. And then more weird context. Honestly assuming that Mike was only nice to Eleven because he was ‘in love with her at first sight’ is such a cringe concept to me that I cannot believe the Duffers were serious for one second.

Mike and Eleven had the most development during S1, which set them up as a ‘savior’ in each other’s lives, and then the show never developed them beyond that. The only development they had was how the relationship makes both characters insecure. I personally don’t even think ‘Elmike’ can be salvaged at this point without some substantial screen time, which the show itself has proven time and time again it rather give that to other dynamics. 

I know some people disagree and think Mileven and Elmike are actually an integral part of the show but I just do not see why the show would prioritize them NOW after setting them up in different paths in S5 with Mike closing the season literally by Will’s side (while setting Will up for his hardest season yet) and El’s priority being Max, alongside reuniting with Hopper after thinking he had died for months. 

I sincerely feel what the Duffers have been building Mileven up to is a break-up. They have not been written as endgame.

As for how they could salvage romantic Mileven … I feel like it’s too late at this point. The absolute most they can do is RETCON Will’s confession by having Eleven have her own. Which depending on how they do it will feel just as cheap as Mike’s monologue. “Yes indeed! Even though Will lied about the painting and I don’t really behave like I love you at all I do feel that way about you.” Absolutely nothing they can do or say redeems Mileven THIS late in the game. ESPECIALLY not after the way they handled Will and the painting plot. Because even if they somehow by some miracle manage to patch up Mileven last minute, where does that leave Will???? If Will’s whole arc with Mike was to just give him a painting and a confession, so then he can move on, WHY DID THEY MAKE SUCH A HUGE DEAL ABOUT HIS PAIN??? 

When Dustin was heartbroken in S2, the show showed his disappointment but then we saw him try to move on by asking other girls to dance. He at least had that option, Will does not. He’s a closeted gay teen in the 80s in love with a best friend he’s been through so much with. We don’t even know how long Will has had feelings for Mike in secret, so using his feelings and painting like that, as “realistic” as some people claim it is, is just unnecessarily cruel. They could’ve had him move on from Mike at the end of S3, and given him some unnamed crush in Lenora. They did NOT need to make him in love with Mike if all that’s coming from it is a rejection in the LAST season. 

So yes, TL;DR: 

Romantic Mileven is beyond saving at this point, and MAYBE at best, we get some nice Elmike scenes to set them up as friends now once the initial sting of the breakup has subsided.

Even if they wanted to do the insanity of keeping Mike and Eleven together, it’s just going to feel like cheap fanservice and Sunk Cost Fallacy-ish. 

[lurkingshan]

The End of the World With You

I’ll include my watch notes under a cut since I binged it and it’s long af, but the TL;DR: I really loved the first half of this but it kind of fell apart in the second half for me. On the one hand, I found the initial conflict very compelling, thought the actors had good chemistry, the show was beautiful to look at, and as @bengiyo has highlighted, it was really nice to see a show featuring an explicit queer sexual relationship leave the characters on a happy, hopeful note, if not a straightforward HEA. Ultimately though I came down agreeing with @waitmyturtles that the emotional arc just didn’t ring true. In particular, it felt like Ritsu became a totally different character in the last few episodes and it didn’t work for me despite my appreciation for some of those scenes.

I also just could not get into the whole side story about Madoka, which might be my own discomfort with stan culture and parasocial relationships getting in the way. But it took up a lot of story time and we ended up with some shortcuts in the main narrative as a result. I think a version of this show that focused more narrowly on Ritsu and Masumi repairing their relationship and finding peace with each other in their final days might have worked better.

All that aside, I am very curious what people are making of that weird ending and Yuma’s magic powers. Do we think he stopped the meteor?

Episode 1

* I like how they set this slightly in the future to give us a sense that this could be happening to us any day now, very strong doom vibes.

* Trying to imagine what I would do if I found out the world was about to end. Masumi wastes the day away playing on his phone and then heads to the library to spend his final days in quiet solitude. I think I’d probably gather up my friends and buy a ton of food and drinks and just hunker down to ride it out together.

* I love that the moment of recognition between Masumi and Ritsu was not when they first looked at each other, but when their hands touched. That’s when they both froze, like a sense memory took them over.

* Ritsu is gorgeous and he has read and enjoyed Masumi’s writing. How could anyone resist?

* This may just be me benefiting from hindsight since I already know some stuff about how the show progresses, but Ritsu does seem to sincerely connect with Masumi. He will turn out to be a horrible boyfriend but it’s not because he doesn’t like him.

Episode 2

* I remember reading some commentary toward the end of the show airing about how intensely Ritsu is focused on Masumi during sex, and it’s here too in their earlier scenes. He’s watching him closely and seems to enjoy making him feel good. Whether that’s because of any feelings he has for Masumi or his own ego remains to be seen.

* “I feel like you’re special” and “I really love you” and kissing him publicly at school and when Masumi catches him with a girl Ritsu just says “sorry that was rude”?? Jail for this man.

* Poor Masumi. Trying to get a fuckboy to love you never works (barring an apocalyptic event, apparently). But I get it, it was the first time he felt comfortable with his sexuality and it’s hard to let go of someone you’re that compatible with.

* Masumi is being pathetic but Ritsu threatening to out him is truly so vile. Back to jail!

* Ritsu trying to act like they’re old friends after things ending like that… I want to reach through the screen and slap him.

* I like this song playing at the end of the episodes, it’s pretty. (ETA: I found it - Futatabi by HIROBA feat Ai Otsuka)

* Help him with a what now??

Episode 3

* Okay I had memory-holed the corpse thing, yikes.

* Now why exactly is Ritsu running around with euthanasia drugs?

* If I was Masumi I would simply not follow my cheating ex boyfriend when he says he is going to take me to a corpse.

* The corpse is alive!! And says Ritsu told him they would die together? He truly is a POS, phew.

* This kid wanted to die because his favorite idol died by suicide? That is too unfortunately believable.

* Masumi convincing the kid to go on living only to be immediately reminded that the world is ending is so darkly funny.

* Yuma! He has a name.

* Is Ritsu really trying to get it in in this situation?? The AUDACITY of this man.

* Masumi yelling at Ritsu about how traumatic their relationship was for him is great and also unflinchingly honest. I think most people in that situation would try to keep a little pride and pretend to be unaffected.

* Damn big of you to promise a whole week of fidelity, Ritsu.

* Masumi immediately getting horny when surrounded by Ritsu’s scent. 💀

Episode 4

* Ya know I suppose if we were all about to die and I had convenient access to the best sex of my life I might just go for it, pride be damned.

* Masumi grew up abused and neglected with a hateful mother. Yep, that tracks.

* “My personal philosophy is for people to prioritize themselves.” Yeah we know, Ritsu.

* I like the energy Yuma is bringing to the story. Masumi and Ritsu are so gloomy.

* Oh fuck this. What we’re not going to do at the end of the world is waste time tending to our abusive parents.

* I don’t believe Masumi’s mother regrets what she’s done to him. She only regrets that she’s dying alone. Hoo boy, feeling a bit trigged tbh!

* Masumi, IMO this is a great time to adopt Ritsu’s personal philosophy.

* Ritsu is an asshole but he saved Masumi from himself in this moment.

Episode 5

* Why are we still paying for hotels during the apocalypse?

* Does Yuma know this girl? Looks like yes! And she knows Ritsu? Who is Rikkun?? What is happening!

* The creepy music and weird lighting - what is is trying to tell me about Meguru? Is it just that she’s trans? That doesn’t seem worth the mystery doom treatment.

* So Ritsu actually was suicidal for some reason he is not yet disclosing.

* Kido! Here to play another POS, no doubt. That escalated quickly, what a creep.

* I, too, thought Yuma might be controlling the weather.

Episode 6

* I’m sure all of this talk about the idol sister is supposed to be touching but I’m too distracted by the implausibility of this group of people with all these convenient connections to each other’s traumas just happening to meet up while running around in an apocalypse.

* This whole emotional thread hinging on Yuma’s parasocial fixation on an idol he’s never met… mmm, I don’t know, fam.

* I don’t know that I am buying Ritsu’s tears over Masumi getting hurt and his sudden epiphany that he’s a POS. Seems kind of abrupt? And Masumi immediately responding with a kiss and forgiveness? I think the characters could be convincingly taken to this place with more time and development but this feels unearned.

* The Madoka stuff really isn’t working for me. In a show with such a short run time I’d rather they kept a tighter focus on the main pair’s relationship rather than diverting to this side story. And I really don’t buy Ritsu feeling guilty about not saving her. It just doesn’t track with anything else we know about him.

* Sidebar: Baka here is translated as “you ass” but I know this word from We Best Love when Shu Yi keeps calling Shi De an idiot (affectionate).

* This might be the episode where the show lost me. I think they skipped important beats in the emotional arcs and took some narrative shortcuts that didn’t really work (maybe due to the short run time) so I’m not going to fully buy anything that happens from here.

Episode 7

* Ritsu is a romantic now! Okay.

* Surprised to learn Ritsu was with Masumi for six months. How did they make it that long before Masumi realized he was fucking everything that moved?

* Ritsu’s reaction when Madoka called him an asshole for cheating on Masumi felt more genuine. That kind of rye amusement - yep I’m the worst - felt more like him than the guilty crying and suicidal ideation.

* This scene at the waterfall is really beautiful. I like it despite not fully buying some of the underlying emotions.

* Yuma just now realizing they’re “like that” is sending me. His sexual tension detector is clearly faulty.

* Meguru really didn’t think it through when she decided to appear in front of her parents suddenly looking like her dead sister.

Episode 8

* I really wish Yuma and Meguru’s connection was NOT based around Madoka. I think I’d be more into it if they’d scrapped the idol thing and just had them be two kids who met by chance.

* Okay but for real what is with Yuma’s magic powers? It feels so random.

* So after all that Yuma just leaves?

* The fogged up car windows were a nice touch. Kept waiting for Masumi to slap his hand against the glass like Rose.

* Wait Ritsu’s reason for wanting to die was his business was in debt? That’s it??

* I would have liked some flashbacks to Ritsu’s perspective in college. I think it would have made this “I loved you all along and always wanted you back” thing more believable.

* I like that Masumi wants to live on but I also don’t actually believe Ritsu would be faithful if the world wasn’t ending. 😶

* Was that a bare hip bone I spied in this final sex scene? Goodness.

* Dude what the hell. Is Yuma the meteor? Did Yuma magically stop the meteor? What am I supposed to do with this!

[ilikereadingactually]

Some Desperate Glory

Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh

WOW. I LOVE THIS BOOK. i went in pretty sure i would enjoy it, but didn't actually know anything about it except the genre. and i was hooked right in from the start!! there are so many interesting things going on here that i love, like excerpts from in-universe publications to fill out the worldbuilding, and really thrilling alternate timeline stuff, and the limited POV of a main character who is very much brainwashed at the start and struggles her way out of it. and so many really nuanced and complicated and queer relationships!!! i always deeply appreciate it when the central relationships in a story aren't romantic or sexual, and explore the many other ways people can deeply love each other, or hate each other but care about each other, or have a History. everyone in this book is a person, including the aliens, which is the whole point when you're getting to the heart of space facism and how to disarm it.

i ADORED Valkyr, and the painful journey of realization she went through. so many punches to the gut from her POV, both the things that hit her and the things that hit me, differently, through her. it feels rare to me to encounter a main character who so completely and efficiently bottles her feelings, and it's so impressive from a craft perspective that Kyr's feelings, and the feelings of everyone around her, were very clear in the narrative even though she couldn't process or understand them herself. and i especally adored Yiso as well, the most charming alien, extremely friend-shaped. Yiso and Kyr are such a charming pair together, their friendship is so, so good. every character in the ensemble was so specific and wonderful, even the ones who were awful, such great characterization!

this is a long book and i could keep going on about it but the tl;dr is GO READ IT.

the deets

how i read it: as an ebook from the library, via Libby. DEFINITELY buying this one though! the due date was coming up and i've been wicked busy with a looming fic event deadline, but i took a break today and devoured this in about six hours.

try this if you: dig a huge scope and big stakes, want to feel the triumph of young queers waking up and making some bad choices and then trying very hard to find the most moral solution to change the system that made them, go feral for timeline fuckery, or love deep interspecies friendships.

be aware of: plot points involving rape and sexual assault, depression, suicide, military brutality, genocide. (none of this is gratuitous imo, but it's all part of the narrative.)

some lines i really liked:

"I get it, you're good at this. You could make something meaningful," said Kyr. "You could be building things our soldiers actually need." "You don't think our soldiers need to know what it feels like to be hunted by a gang of merciless war monsters twice your size?" "Majo are small," Kyr reminded him. The voice in her ear didn't answer.

---

The shell-palace seemed to be a maze of storerooms. Yiso knew them all and said things like "Traditional lirem stonecarving," "Cosmetics, gendered," "Cosmetics, ungendered," "Gemstones of minor religious significance," and "Furniture suitable for quadrupeds" as they walked through each one.

[sins-of-the-sea]

What would the Seven's parents think if they found out what had become of their kids?

...ANON, JUST TAKE MY HEART, I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE.

I'm going to answer this prompt with posthumous family (or in Ruixiong’s case, dearest friend and mentor) in general, because not everyone has parents of any note or even to speak of, but I do want to write up how their loved ones would react to seeing what the people they care about become. Also, for some of the Crew, their relationships are stronger with their siblings than they are with their parents, so I feel there is heavier emotional gravitas that is of greater note.

TL;DR: for the most part, they would be very unhappy. Even grieving, because it means they would not be reunited in the next life. Spoilered because of specific death details I otherwise was going to reveal later, but hell, I’ll do it.

Under the assumptions they are watching from Heaven/ Hell/ Purgatory/ Sheol/ what have you:

Jordi, Cristobella, and Carles Frances (Josep)

Cristobella (mother) would be crying her eyes out, perhaps blaming herself she wasn't there enough to save her second son from a fate worse than her first son. Even with all her efforts to keep him from succumbing to his Wrath, from taking him away from Barcelona to Venice, or how she was willing to play politics to keep Josep from being punished for stabbing the Castilian noble. To be there and warn him against the Devil of the Sea. 

Carles (older brother) would do the same and more, telling Josep that as much as he is disappointed in his baby brother, he understands why he chose the path of Wrath. From wherever he is, he is hoping against hope, praying against all odds, that Josep finds a way to free himself from the Master’s pact. He is grateful, however, that despite Josep’s current circumstances, he maintains his vow to always be kind.

Jordi (father) could care less. He is more than happy to see his disappointment of a son burn in Hell for eternity. Very likely he is egging Josep’s adversaries to finish the goddamn job and end him for good.

Antonio; Marianna; Gregorio and Lorenzo Vespuci (Giovanni)

Antonio (father) saw it coming. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t break his heart further. Every time Giovanni would do something immoral, he is weeping over him, over his own failure as a father. How all his work amounted to nothing for all his sons, and that even with the promise he made them make at his deathbed, it still resulted in a greater tragedy than he could predict. All he can ask for from God is to lessen Giovanni’s pain and that wherever he is going won’t cause him anymore suffering than he is already going through.

Marianna (mother) forgot she even had a third son. Eh. Good for him she guesses? OH WAIT, THAT LOUD BLOB OF FLESH. Eh. Cancer is good to be rid of, right?

Gregorio and Lorenzo (older brothers) are both in a place where Giovanni and anyone, really, with access to the Devil’s Eye can communicate. Every day they are suffering, every day they are being punished for the deeds they did to Gio in the cellar. Adding to it is watching Giovanni (and Josep) do deeds they wouldn’t have done if they chose to be better family. Like Antonio, all they can pray for is less pain. As they are stuck in the Eye, they are uncertain if Giovanni can be released at all either.

Pierre Duchamp; Gisela and Noelle Ben Ghiat Duchamp (Phoebus and Guy)

Pierre (stepfather) is out of the picture entirely, likely blotting out any memory of the Ben Ghiat family he ran out of. If confronted of Phoebus and Guy, he will deny them and pretend he doesn’t know them.

Abadian (birth father) cannot be accounted for.

Gisela (mother) would be actively crying over the Twins, with Gisela wishing she can just come back to the living and give her boys a hug. Tell Phoebus he doesn’t have to pour his soul out to anything or anyone who won’t appreciate him. Tell Guy she loves him for who he is and will love whoever he loves. They’ll even get out of France together if they could, and try to be a family with Noelle and have a happier and brighter future. Alas.

Noelle (younger sister) would be uncertain how to feel about her brothers, especially Phoebus, the brother she is less close with. With Guy, she cries over, but Phoebus? She is hoping for God for guidance. But for certain she wouldn’t want to separate the Twins more than they are already.

Zahid; Rashid’s brothers; Sukhbir Kaur and Assad al-Basir (Rashid)

Zahid (father) would not be surprised but still be deeply disappointed. He’d go with other sons and leave so they won’t have to watch Rashid rot.

Sukhbir (wife) and Assad (son) actually would be horrified to see Rashid as he has become. Not surprised either, but given they would have passed, now there is nothing they could do to convince him to back out on the pact. It was unfair, it was made out of a moment when Rashid had no sense of clarity. Sukhbir may even offer to come back if it meant he wouldn’t sell his soul, but Assad would tell his mother no. It’s Rashid’s choice. Right now, Assad would look upon his descendants (Amir and Omar in the main story) to see if they can get Rashid freed somehow so they can be a family again once Rashid’s time on Earth has come to an end.

Agyenim; Maanu and Maansa; Adjoa, Yaa, Afia, Akua, Amba, and Akosua Kofi (Abena)

Agyenim (father), Maanu (birth mother), and Maansa (second mother) were already deeply sorrowful for the fate of the sisters, but their regrets and sorrows were the greatest in Abena. They watched her start of darkness in Santo Domnigo and Tortuga and can only scream for her to stop with each step of the way, only for their cries to fall on deaf ears. Upon selling her soul to the Master, they stopped crying out for her. Their hearts became stone because any semblance of hope has been lost after it has been betrayed over and over again. They want to believe. They just don’t know if they can.

The sisters (Adjoa to Akosua), they wouldn’t be surprised for Abena selling her soul. Of the sisters, Akua and Ambia (elder half-sisters) pray that Abena’s descent into next life brings forth a greater hunger than any in the realm of the dead would suffer and that it is painful and excruciating. Only Adjoa (full older sister) has any hope and prayer that Abena seeks redemption and frees herself from the Master.

San-Gwong and Father Fu-Lam

Upon his soul ripped from his mortal coil and used to empower the Eye, San-Gwong (close friend) would be initially confused over Ruixiong but come to learn how and why he is here. For much of the story, he is mostly focused on his younger brother Sing-Lung and hoping he wouldn’t fall into the trap of Wrath or else he will be stolen too. But for Ruixiong? He is already forgiven the moment the blade was raised to end him. Even from within the Devil’s Eye, San-Gwong is urging can calling out to Ruixiong to let go of his Pride and his bondage to the Master. God will forgive. The Heavens is more than willing to let rehabilitate him. Please just let go and don’t give the Master anymore power!

Father Fu-Lam (傅臨) (mentor) is on the same boat. Fu-Lam was able to infer that Ruixiong and his Crew were demonically-empowered immortals and did what he could to get them, especially Ruixiong, to leave their pact behind. What happened to him was predicted, however, and he accepted his fate. He still stands by this hope that Rui and the others will leave the Master behind as he is in the Devil’s Eye as a soul being used against his will. He continues to pray for Ruixiong, hoping to stand against time that Rui will find redemption. He won’t give up on him like others have before him.

[karizard-ao3]

Where did the idea for Anamnesis come from?

Nobody asked, BUT I'LL TELL YOU. Way back at the beginning of my fic writing journey, at the height of the Megan Fox/ Machine Gun Kelly "You smell like weed" "I am weed" shit, I saw someone say they wanted to see a one shot based on it. And I was like, "Oh, that's nice. I hope someone writes it." And then, thirty seconds later I was like, "Oh, wait, that gave me an idea for a scene. I can be the one to write this." So I did, and I sent them the link, and I'm really forgetful about names so I can't remember who they are (I'm sorry if you're reading this), and a few people commented that they would like to see more.

I also wanted to see more, but I was in the middle of writing Clueless Teens and I didn't have enough ideas to make a fic of it yet anyway, so I put it on the back burner and let it brew.

I knew I wanted it to be a bit sloppy. I wanted there to be drama and I wanted the drama to be dumb. But, I also wanted to try to branch out a little bit and try my hand at something that didn't come naturally to me- writing a story that was meant to hurt.

That still wasn't enough to build a plot from. Clueless Teens was coming together easily because I had the Attack on School Castes bonus pages from the AOT manga volumes to use as the skeleton for the fic. With Anamnesis, I was already out of my element and I had nothing to lean back on as I constructed a rough outline (which wasn't much of an outline. Mine usually consist of the end and then a list of things I want to happen in between in no particular order). And, I still needed a real external conflict beyond normal young adult relationship drama. So I bounced ideas off my brother and realized, "Wouldn't an alternate universe alternate universe be kind of silly? Like, an au where they keep meeting versions of themselves from alternate universes? And that finally gave me something to work with, because how are they meeting other versions of themselves? Why? Who are the people involved and what do they want? How does this impact their daily lives and their relationships?

So that helped a lot, but I still didn't know how to end it and I didn't know a lot of what would be happening in between. But finding those answers was like pulling teeth, so, I just started writing and hoped that the act of writing would pull it together. And, it did. It was hard and it was frustrating and I had to delete many, many portions and start over, but once I got the world built and the character's dynamics and personal demons figured out, I was able to chip through all the stone and find the shape of the fic underneath.

So that's how I came up with Anamnesis. I decided I wanted to try something, and then fought tooth and nail to finish it, because this thing did not want to write itself like my other fics have. It was painful. I had to dig into my own issues to help me write theirs. I like to use my fics as an escape from that stuff, and with this one I had to face it head on. I'm beginning to think the results might have been worth it, but I wanted to give up again and again. I only just barely staggered to the finish line.

TL;DR: I wanted to see if I could write angst and ended up slapping together a bunch of different concepts until I had a finished product.

[none-ofthisnonsense]

Thoughts on tuggerlurina?

Thank you for asking! We're getting right into the good stuff I see.

I have Opinions on this but overall it goes like this:

I Don't Ship It

Why don't I ship it?

I just feel like it's mostly sexual tension. HOWEVER. I feel like they would have a very strong platonic bond (I'm very okay with them having a casual friends with benefits arrangement, but I don't always headcanon that). I feel like they could have a really deep, only-you-can-understand-me relationship (especially Tugger towards Bomba), with Bomba being the one Tugger can just expose his raw feelings and thoughts to.

Honestly, it's less that I don't ship it moreso that I don't think about it? It's not a Notp, it's not an Otp either, it's just There and doesn't bother me at all. (For example: if I find a Tuggerlurina fic with a good summary, I might check it out and not be dissuaded by the ship, but I wouldn't go seeking out specific fics with them).

I just don't actively ship it, and I feel like I would be misclassifying it if I listed it as a ship. But I'm not against it.

What would have made me ship it?

So. What I love about Cats is that it's sung-through. What I cry about about Cats is that it's sung-through. (This is where fics come in.)

Honestly, I HAVE shipped it in a few ships - but always in a casual way, never something fluffy and exclusive or anything. *

I guess if we had more interaction between them? I mostly see their relationship being shown as sexual only in most productions, with little actual depth, so that hinders my appreciation of the ship.

I 100% ship it platonically, though. From the very first fic I read.

Positive thoughts?

Many! But again, I see them mostly platonically. I typically can see them together in casual affection (honestly I have imagined a few times a poly relationship with Tuggoffelurina, with aro Misto (which goes against the usual terms, I know, but it makes sense in my head!! Just the three of them together)), and I don't mind seeing fanart. (In those cases, I tend to focus more on the techniques though, and the art in itself, rather than the characters and emotions. Mostly because romantic Tuggerlurina doesn't conjure up any emotion in me.)

But I absolutely don't mind seeing them! I've even enjoyed a few pics and a few fics. Just not my personal thing as romantic.

As platonic, again, very many positive thoughts.

*to be fair:

My interpretation of Bomba VASTLY depends on the context. Most of the time, and especially in close-to-canon fics that happen around or after the Ball, I see her as not looking for a relationship, so naturally I don't see Tuggerlurina there. I would kill for a friendship fic with them though after the Ball. And just Bomba being casual! It's one of the words I associate most with her.

BUT. In AUs (especially human), I see her as more vulnerable and open to romance. Or aro. It completely changes. Either aro or open to romance, depending on how I'm feeling usually.

Thank you so much for asking! It allowed me to think about a character I don't usually have many thoughts about, so this was cool, thanks!

enjoy one of the only gifs of bomba that aren't either taylor swift or unrelated to bomba (there is some VERY random stuff)

tl;dr I like it, not necessarily romantically.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Graveyard Shift. By M.L. Rio. Flatiron Books, 2024.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: thriller, novella

Series: N/A

Summary: Every night, in the college’s ancient cemetery, five people cross paths as they work the late shift: a bartender, a rideshare driver, a hotel receptionist, the steward of the derelict church that looms over them, and the editor-in-chief of the college paper, always in search of a story.

One dark October evening in the defunct churchyard, they find a hole that wasn’t there before. A fresh, open grave where no grave should be. But who dug it, and for whom?

Before they go their separate ways, the gravedigger returns. As they trail him through the night, they realize he may be the key to a string of strange happenings around town that have made headlines for the last few weeks—and that they may be closer to the mystery than they thought.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: animal testing, animal death, violence, homelessness

OVERVIEW: I generally liked If We Were Villains, so when I heard Rio had a novella out, I was curious. It's spooky season, so why not curl up with a spooky (adjacent) novella? Unfortunately, I can't say I enjoyed this the way I enjoyed Rio's novel. It wasn't that Graveyard Shift was bad - just a little surface-level for my tastes.

WRITING: Rio's prose is fairly well-crafted. It flows just fine and balances showing and telling, and it has a kind of characteristic wit and humor. I don't think it's overly descriptive and doesn't insert too much figurative language, but it's still atmospheric and creates a kind of casual mood that links our protagonists together.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows five friends who discover an open grave in an abandoned churchyard one night. Over the course of a few hours, they unravel a disturbing secret that has echoes in one of the friends' pasts.

The best part of this book, in my opinion, was the comraderie between the protagonists. I loved how they bonded by simply being insomniac smokers in the same general area, and I liked that they trusted each other enough to take on dangerous tasks and secrets.

I do think, however, that the plot as a whole could have hit harder. Maybe it's because this book is a novella and doesn't have the room, but it felt like the mystery of the empty grave was solved in a fairly straightforward manner, without any thrills that really surprised me. From the author's note, I was hoping Rio would do more with the dreamlike haze that comes with chronic insomnia or perhaps use some of the themes to create something a little more horrifying. But as it stands, this story was fairly straightforward - unless there are some layers that went straight over my head.

CHARACTERS: Without going into detail about every character individually, I will say that I liked the variance between the five friends. Though they all smoked and were some flavor of night owl and lived in a campus town, they all felt distinct with unique personalities and backgrounds.

TL;DR: Graveyard Shift is a fairly average thriller novella, with most of its strengths lying in the relationship between the five protagonists. Though not "bad," I was hoping for a little more from this book, but you may enjoy it if you're a fan of friend groups coming together to solve a mystery.