#tinnitus has been awful

[mokadevs]

goldenrod

[kurthummeldeservesbetter]

More Jayvik Headcanons cause I can’t stop

Viktor gets upset any time Jayce tried killing a bug, using a rat trap or shooing away birds from their windows so he has to capture and release everything and also adds bird feeders to the little balcony. One time a bird flew into their window and fell to the ground (they don't know what happened to it after) and Viktor got so upset (he claims it was the 48hours w/o sleep) that Jayce had to take him home for the day.

Jayce reads out loud to both of them at night, especially when Viktor is too much of an insomniac to sleep. Viktor repays him with shoulder massages when Jayce can’t sleep.

Viktor gets propositioned by members and students of the academy the time. Jayce is fine with this. Jayce gets propositioned by members of different houses all the time. Viktor is totally fine with this. (They aren’t but they get very possessive, which turns them both on).

Viktor made fun of Jayce’s man of progress mug so much that Jayce upped it with a Viktor commemorative plate. Viktor then made Jayce-themed silverware. Jayce commissioned Viktor tailored napkins. The war of commemorative dinnerware is still ongoing.

Viktor has to hold Jayce’s hand whenever they visit farmers markets or other town centers. Not just because he likes holding hands, it’s because Viktor wanders off all time and gets distracted by everything. Jayce lost him for two hours one time.

Jayce has to wear some sort of apron or shirt in the forge now. He’s gotten too many chest burns and tears that no matter how good he looks, he’s got to wear some sort of guard. Viktor is slightly disappointed but at least Jayce is safe from 3rd degree burns.

They have to turn the fan on at night for the white noise, due to them both hating silence. (Working in the lab/forge for years means tinnitus). It also helps that Jayce runs hot (and cuddles an ice box Viktor) and they created sheets that even out their temperatures. They have not marketed these sheets because it would mean detailed explanations on how they know it works. (They have created ones for Caitlyn and Vi though.)

They both love flowers and gift them to each other all the time. They have to do fresh cut, because neither of them can keep potted plants alive.

It is inevitable, that if you are a current council member and decide to pay them a visit to see for yourself what they are doing in the labs, then you will walk in on them in very compromising positions at least once. Mel only told Shoola, so she's been able to knock and warn them. Cassandra one time walked in on them shirtless + making out, rolled her eyes, warned them about lab safety and proper protocols, and stood there waiting until they redressed and made them do a rundown of their current prototypes. power move queen. (learned it from Mel).

Jayce can cook but not bake, Viktor can bake but not cook. Jayce likes how cooking (save for temperatures) is a little more freeform and can't help but try and be a little more lax with baking, but it always ends up badly (rock-solid bread, cookies that are paper-thin and salty.) However he has made stunning 4-course meals and can make even a basic sandwich 5-star quality.

Viktor likes the structure of baking. He can make literally any bread or dessert with just one look at a recipe. Using baking to de-stress even. Has made macrons of all flavors. However, do not ask him to cook. His tastebuds for anything that isn't sweet are wack. Once dropped an entire container of salt into soup once and didn't notice.

Awful handwriting for the both of them. Only they know what each other wrote. Sky has to transcribe anything official. Mel can only sort of read what they have written on their boards, but that's mostly by context clues. Caitlyn doesn't even bother.

They have a timer for water that goes off every 30 minutes in a work day. It's enforced by Sky because they get so focused they forget to hydrate.

[beanghostprincess]

*gives sabo tinnitus* (unpleasant ringing noise in ears with no outside source)

Finally, somebody who understands what I'm going for. This guy has the roughest, most awful time trying to listen to people or just,, hearing in general.

Imagine the boy, right after the revs accept him, suddenly realizing that there's this annoying sound in his ear. That he also he can't hear too well anymore. Heck, he doesn't even have an eye anymore and his whole body is hurting like hell because he has been through like. A damn fucking explosion. He tries to stand up and he can't even walk properly.

I don't believe the revs took Sabo just because he didn't want to go back. They took him because they saw this very fucked up kid not give a damn about his physical wounds as long as he wasn't sent back home. It started right there. Not caring about his own well-being as long as he could do something about the world around him.

[cult-of-the-placeholder]

shamura post-narinder betrayal headcanons? a disability headcanon or two if you feel comfortable maybe. i may or may not have been projecting my own traumatic brain injury onto them oops

Oooh absolutely anon! I've had sooo many angsty thoughts about Shamura. If you have any thoughts of your own about them, I'd love to hear!!

- Their memory is very inconsistent. Some days they seem almost perfectly fine, the way they were before: clear headed and focused. Those days get more and more uncommon as time passes, and their condition varies wildly. Sometimes the brain fog gets so bad, they forget that Narinder was banished: imagine them wandering around aimlessly, calling his name, confused on why they can't find him. Going to each of their siblings, asking where in the world Nari has gotten off to

- At one point they let themselves into the underworld to search for him, thinking that perhaps Narinder had gotten himself wrapped up into another depthless research project and had simply lost track of time. It had happened before. So they went to see him and were horrified to find him in chains: rushing up to see him and asking, "Brother, what is this?! Who did this to you?! Are you alright?!" Already trying to break the chains but of course, they can't, as the chains are tied to the Bishops' life force.

- Kallamar had to cast a seal around the Temple of the Dead so Shamura couldn't get in anymore, after that. They essentially have to relive Narinder’s betrayal all over again as the younger ones told them the truth, and the sheer devastation wasn't something any of them wanted to go through again

- For awhile after their head injury, Shamura was mute. They used telepathy to communicate and preach their sermons. Speaking again took a good amount of practice, and they usually did so with Kallamar (because he's hard of hearing without his crown, it was the perfect set up to practice projection and volume)

- Shamura gets horrific splitting migraines, especially when it's time to change their bandages. Their eyes are sooo sensitive to light and the slightest sound causes awful tinnitus that they can't escape no matter how hard they try. The pain is so bad it's dizzying and disorienting, at which point they delegate the High Priest or Witness or someone else to conduct the daily sermons until they've recovered

- Their sense of taste is all messed up, and though they don't need to eat they used to really enjoy a nice hot cup of sweet camellia tea or sipping mortal blood from sacrifices, but now they just taste so wrong and different and gross. Leshy spent a few decades experimenting with growing new tea leaves to find one that tasted right to Shamura, and they're very grateful for it

- Shamura is a clairvoyant seer, but after their injury the visions slowed down, and became more fragmented. Or maybe they just can't recall all the details? It remains a mystery. They used to weave their prophecies into webs and tapestries, but now it all ends up recorded in broken riddles in blank books in their library

- They still love to read, but because of their issues with memory, they'll read the same book "for the first time" more than once, and if it's something they particularly enjoy, you can bet your ass that their siblings get to hear about it multiple times. They always nod along and ask questions and are very supportive--it's nice that, even as awful as things are now, Shamura can still find joy somewhere

- Switching gears for a second, a couple hcs that don't focus specifically on their struggles with health: the siblings don't see each other as much anymore, as with one member of their family missing nothing feels quite right. They don't get together as a group as much anymore, but Shamura makes it a point to visit their younger sibs. Their visits are usually quiet, peaceful: sometimes, they'll go sit in the gardens with Leshy or enjoy some hot stew with Heket, or help Kallamar sort through his medical library. They visit all of them at least once a year, which doesn't seem like a lot but to a god it's pretty frequently

- Narinder’s banishment really broke Shamura's heart. I hc that they had a vision of it on the day Nari was born, but refused to strike him down because they loved him so much. They still have a portrait of the two of them, hung up in their library: Leshy painted it, the two of them leaning against one another with a shared book abandoned in their laps, peacefully asleep. It's a perfect recreation of that moment, and the warmth and peace they get looking at it almost overshadows the grief of Narinder's loss

- Shamura makes offerings to an old shrine dedicated to their brother, every year on the anniversary of his banishment. Flowers, a sculpture, even the blood of a sacrifice: anything, so that Narinder knows he's still loved even if they can never be together again

- Y'know that old quote? "May these thousand winters swiftly pass I pray, I love you, I miss you, all these miles away."? That's literally Shamura and Narinder. They aren't angry with Nari, they don't hate him, they bear him no ill will: even after everything, all they feel toward their little brother is love, and a great, looming melancholy at his absence

[kitkatt0430]

With all this talk of being a Hartley person (^_^) I have had another fic idea for him.

Hartley's still with Team Flash in the pilot and he worked on the suit with Cisco and they bicker - mostly in a friendly way but there's an edge there sometimes - over things. The things play out mostly the same, but there's some foreshadowing that Hartley's keeping some secret of Harrison's and they're not as close as they used to be as a result. Harrison calls Hartley 'his guy' and Hartley brushes him off. Cisco jokes about Hartley avoiding Dr. Wells, but there's some truth to it. Caitlin observing that Hartley's still at STAR Labs for the same reason they all are - penitence.

Episode two has Hartley and Dr. Wells in an argument, but we only see the end of it when someone interrupts. It's not entirely clear yet what they're arguing about but it has to do with the accelerator. Nor is it the only fight they've had recently or during the episode itself. It's all leading up to...

Episode three introduces the pipeline prison and Hartley refuses to have anything to do with it. He points out that they don't have the facilities to house inmates humanely, that isolated cells like what's being proposed are legally a form of torture, and that kidnapping criminals doesn't make it suddenly okay to torture people. Cisco is visibly uneasy going along with things after Hartley storms off, but he lets Dr. Wells talk him around. Caitlin goes after Hartley but can't find him. When they imprison Nimbus in there at the end, Hartley tells Barry that he's glad Joe is okay and the Barry survived but what they've just done is as bad as the things Nimbus has done and he won't be party to it any longer. He foreshadows again knowing something about Harrison Wells and the accelerator, saying he didn't expect any better from him but the others? The episode ends with Hartley quitting and when he goes back home there's a flute on his coffee table atop blueprints for his gloves.

And then Hartley disappears for a few episodes. And then pops back up for Power Outage. He recognizes Ronnie while volunteering at Free Space at the start of the episode, but a transformer blows - loudly - and triggers awful tinnitus in Hartley's ears. He visits the doctor to check his hearing only to realize it's getting worse in that things are getting louder and louder. He calls Caitlin during a lull in the things with STAR Labs and tells her about Ronnie. She doesn't believe him. And then Hartley tells Caitlin that the accelerator was flawed. And Harrison Wells knew it and turned the accelerator on anyway. She doesn't say anything about this for the rest of the episode, but she keeps looking at Dr. Wells... strangely. And after snapping at him at one point she finds her fresh cup of hot coffee straight from the pot (poured on screen and shown steaming) has gone cold. Not frozen. Just... cold.

The episode ends with Farooq dying of his own revenge plot. And Hartley explicitly taking up the mantle as he promises himself that he's not going to let Harrison get away with it any longer.

Fast forward to where The Sound and The Fury/Crazy For You episodes sit. The plot with Shawna happens first this time. The flashbacks are to Hartley's relationship with Harrison - comparing it directly to Shawna and how Clay has been using her - as Hartley learned about the flaw and was manipulated to stay quiet about it. In the present day, Hartley goes to Iris West. The Flash blogger. Because he knows her and the news outlets aren't taking him seriously and he trusts her more anyway. He gives her everything he has on the accelerator and while he leaves out the Pipeline and the Flash's real identity, Hartley tells her the truth about pretty much everything else. This also has the karaoke, Linda, and Caitlin seeing Ronnie in the parking garage. The episode ends with Iris clicking post on her blog while Hartley, in the dead of night with his gloves on, faces STAR Labs.

The next episode opens with Hartley having broken into STAR Labs and released the metas. He's trashed the Pipeline such that it's unusable at present and Cisco says it might take a week - or more - to fix it. And then refuses to. He doesn't agree with Hartley setting Nimbus or Rainbow Raider free, but their Pipeline got Tony Woodward killed. And they had no business keeping Shawna in a lightless box. They have the ability to make actual jails hold metas and the CCPD's trust. Time to stop abusing that trust and update Iron Heights and the CCPD's holding cells. The team agrees. But then Caitlin shows them Iris' latest blog post. and that the CCPN is running with the story now too. Hartley told her the same thing. Did Dr. Wells knowingly set off the accelerator that killed Ronnie?

It's a Nimbus 2.0 episode, now though. While Team Flash is falling apart over the pipeline and its secrets, Nimbus knocks Hartley, Shawna, and Roy out. Not killing them but only out of deference to having rescued him. He wants to kill the Flash now. Joe would be a bonus, but the Flash? Nimbus wants revenge. He lures Barry out by going after Joe again - really playing things up, toying with Joe but not actually harming him - and when Barry shows up? Showdown time. Hartley shows up and uses his gloves to distract Nimbus but it's Caitlin who runs into the danger zone who saves the day - she was hoping Ronnie was following her again and would save Barry the way he did in the fight with the Reverse Flash. But instead she freezes Nimbus' gas cloud. Killing Nimbus. Shawna gets Hartley out of there before anyone can get shouty with him.

Hartley shows up again in All Stars Team Up. Cisco takes Ray to see Hartley about his physics problem. Ray picks up on how tense things are and Hartley awkwardly apologizes to Cisco for how they first met. Cisco's the smartest person Hartley knows, even if his dress sense is lacking, and if he needs Hartley for anything at all... all he has to do is ask. Cisco is a bit bewildered by the whole thing, but afterwards he makes Ray promise not to mention Hartley's help since he's still persona non-grata with the rest of the team over destroying the pipeline a few weeks ago.

Which means that in Rogue Air it's Hartley they go to for help. They don't have any metas incarcerated in the pipeline anymore, but Eobard has still set it to explode again if they don't stop it. Hartley, Cisco, and Ronnie are back in the pipeline - with flashbacks to previous times they worked on it together and their desperate attempt to prevent it from taking the city with it when it went wrong - working to shut it off. They succeed - barely - but we see a hint of a breach like fissure in the room below the pipeline before they do. The Pied Piper joins Firestorm and Arrow as Barry's back up during the big fight with Eobard.

In the final episode, Hartley has nothing to say to Eobard Thawne and advises Barry not to travel in time; he refuses to help build the time machine too as he refuses to dance to Eobard Thawne's tune anymore. Cisco and Caitlin ask him to be part of the team again at some point before it all goes to hell and he says he'll think about it.

Since the focus here is on Hartley, I don't really go into too much about the consequences of Caitlin getting her powers early here. But I do see them as her powers - not an alternate personality's. Developing slowly in counterpoint to Ronnie & Steins... for now. She seems stable enough for Season 1, but Season 2 would show that Caitlin - and her control of her powers - has not fared well in the wake of Ronnie's death. I don't see Caitlin going evil - but she definitely gets to be the antagonist of a plot at some point as her grief - and her powers - spiral out of control. Cisco stops her with the power of friendship and plenty of winter layering.

Season 2 would also have Hartley struggling with reintegrating with Team Flash, especially with Harry around. And finally out right saying that Hartley and Eobard (as Wells) had been romantically involved before Hartley discovered the flaw. But also the season opens with Barry trying to finally accept his mother's death and being hit by his father not feeling able to stay in Central City after finally being exonerated... while Hartley's parents have reached out to him in the wake of the singularity disaster and are trying to reconnect with him.

[cowboybrunch]

:3 soooo I have this sudden burning need to know everything you can tell me about Rosalie before your wrists give out. Can I trouble you for an infodump? Her tagged posts are great but I want to crack her open like a coconut.

i would LOVE to infodump about her!!! thank you for the ask!!! <3

let's start with some fun facts:

she's actually my oldest oc! in the original ORIGINAL draft of botrd (which was never completed and 80% of it was scrapped) the entire thing was in her pov! the story was more focused on her journey through grief

of all of the women in the story, she is the least violent and most soft-spoken (though she does have her moments) but this doesn't make her weak. i love a "badass female mc" as much as the next person but i really wanted her to highlight a quieter form of strength

her backstory:

her mother died in a freak accident car crash while she was in the car on their way to her grandparents' house. she was around 10 years old at this point. in the original draft, she has recurring nightmares about this moment (a defunct excerpt):

Goosebumps raised on her arms, and she opened her eyes to see dark clouds rolling towards them. She tried to speak, but the sound caught in her throat. Despite the windows being down, she couldn’t get enough air. Suddenly, it was pouring rain, the water soaking her clothes and the space on the seat that her body didn’t cover. Her mom kept driving, kept singing as if nothing had changed.

fast forwarding to the events of the current draft (switched to first person present tense), we begin with another death: her best friend Andrew

“Do you believe in ghosts?” I would ask him. “Do you believe in God? Do you think we’ll be okay?” Yes, no, maybe. He would never hesitate to answer, never tell me that I was being silly or that I should worry less. He would ask me, “Do you believe in parallel universes? Do you believe in aliens? Do you ever want to run away?” No, yes, maybe.

since she's been so "involved with death," she has the unique ability to sense Mortae when others can't— meaning she can see them when she shouldn't be able to, and her ears ring when they're communicating telepathically

“I don’t know why you can see me. You’re not meant to. I didn’t do anything to the camera. It caught what was visible, and I was not— am not visible."

That awful high-pitched noise sounds in my ears, louder this time, and it’s all I can do not to throw my hands over them. I do not want to add tinnitus to my growing list of unsolvable problems.

aaaand some rapid fire info about her

callsign "sacrificial lamb"

loves rom-coms

has debilitating insomnia

inquisitive, kind (most of the time, she tries her best), stubborn

first chapter in her pov is called "It's not a superstition if it's true"

her self-doubt puts her in many sticky situations. she needs to trust her gut!!!

favorite flower is daffodils (even tho they're technically a weed) because she likes knowing what people would wish for

biggest fear: being a stranger to the people she loves

she really is just a girl trying to heal and learn to live with grief, and she gets roped into this eternal war between Death and Theodore and becomes a catalyst for his ascension... justice for Rosalie!!!

taglist! (ask to be +/-)

@vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @fortunatetragedy @autism-purgatory @rosesonneptune @cartoonghosts

@dyrewrites @whoevenknowswhatimwriting

[clawsextended]

selina suffers from severe tinnitus in her left ear that regularly ebbs from moderate to severe to unbearable. this tends to trigger exceptional migraines and is why she’s frequently rubbing her temples or, frankly, why she tends to be so irritable. she’s narrowly deaf in her left ear and at times it can be so jumbled and overwhelming she sometimes wishes she just was.

it can make interactions difficult to navigate. out of necessity, she’s developed an almost insane ability to read lips and she’s worked so, so hard to become as good as she is at clocking body language. she has an arsenal in her brain at the ready to either improvise a statement she’s misconstrued or find a way to avoid having someone repeat themselves. selina’s been in too many situations with particularly explosive people who would take her misunderstanding for a slight against their sacred patience. she’s an expert at catering to the other person, and this requires her putting aside everything about herself.

her tinnitus is exacerbated by loud or sharp sounds and can sometimes sheerly blow out her hearing when coupled with overstimulation. she tends to lose speech completely when this happens, and it takes enormous effort to gather herself enough to give verbal responses. it feels foreign and freakish to make words she can’t innately hear in her own ears, like her voice box is operating without her own consent. she dislikes talking when she’s overstimulated and sometimes it can be heavy enough to push her into a tremendous crash or a bout of catatonia she has to deal with.

selina learned asl as one of the first languages she picked up (she knows a lot, an awful, awful lot) and holly, who has been very small herself, learned it with her as a means to help her practice. that, and the fact that even though selina never has to say what she needs to holly, even as a little girl it is felt like something she could share, something that could really help her understand her mom more.

she desperately needs a hearing aid. her goggles act as an accessibility aid when she’s in-suit, designed by stark to redistribute and assess sound in order to relay information easier and compensate. she’s capable of using subtitles on her goggles and the hud logs conversations in a history she can pull up. their tech is designed to absorb any minute change in sound and magnify it to better gain selina’s attention.

selina’s reluctance to wear a hearing aid comes from the very same reason as every other of her perceived shortcomings — she’s afraid if it’s seen one can clock her hearing loss, and that, she feels, makes her an extremely vulnerable target. all she ever imagines is someone stepping up right behind her and popping her behind the ear. it’s a constant and vivid hallucination, a terrible fantasy she yearns to stop.

it’s more important to keep everything on the right side of the world where she has some clarity. it’s unknown whether or not the gun’s recoil concussed her to any extent when it made contact with her temple, though it split the delicate skin and left a permanent almost spidering of scar tissue around her hairline. she’s frequently wondered if it had resulted in injury, but she doesn’t remember at all and she didn’t exactly receive glowing extensive medical attention.

none of these facts are things she discloses to anyone not in an extremely personal relationship with her in some way. she makes it her business to cover up her hearing loss to an extent that a casual acquaintance would never know, a friend would have no clue, but someone exceptionally close like bruce is privy to that information.

[codenamehazard]

.:Smack-Talk Smackdown:.

Chapter 22: Smack-Talk Smackdown

Hey guys!

I've been having this floating around in my head since the beginning of No Man's Land thanks to @rogueshadeaux and I talking about the crazy nonsense. So shoutout to her for handling my late night ramblefests!

Go read her story, InFAMOUS: Erosion! She's worked so hard on it and it's starting to get crazy!

Without further ado, let's jump in!

-------------

“Where the hell are you going?!”

My ringing ears pick up the pigeon’s shouting as I storm out of his trailer, god I already knew Dove was a pain in the ass but now I learn that this birdbrain not only has shit taste in music, he can’t carry a fucking tune!! Jesus Christ, for once I’m thankful for my god-damn tinnitus as I would much rather listen to the high pitched whining than Dove’s bubble gum hyperactive ear-murder!

“Out!” I growl. “I ain’t going to subjugate myself to your shitty ass bubble-candy bullshit or your god-awful singing a second more!” I can see Dove’s about to say something, but I quickly shut the door as hard as I can before walking off. Thank God the HEMTT has stopped for a pit-stop, I was about ready to knock the beansprout out.

I can see Pangolin prairie dogging out of the building that the Convoy stopped at to see what the commotion is, but he shrugs before going back to whatever he’s doing. I’m guessing games of musical trailers ain’t uncommon. Whatever. I walk to the trailer of someone I know for a fact has a much more palatable taste in music than the tone-deaf pigeon. Kestrel.

I don’t care if she’s going to throw a fit about me barging in, I’d rather deal with that dumbass bird’s smart mouth than birdbrain number 2’s god-awful music, both in choice and singing prowess… At least her music taste could sooth my throbbing eardrums.

I grab hold of the door and slide it open, prompting a loud and sharp yelp from inside. I’m greeted by a face of shock that quickly changes to one of annoyance. Kestrel’s eyes glows hot as she glares at me

“What in the actual fuck, Cole?!” I hear the bird squawk out as she stands up from whatever she was doing to walk towards me, intending on barring my entry, but I jump in and shut the door before she could stop me. “I thought you were bunking with Dove!”

“Well that was before I knew how much of a walking tinnitus agitator he was” I growl and I rub my ears to try and soothe the throbbing. “At least you have good taste in music, so the choice is obvious.” I can hear her groan in irritation, but I can tell by her face, she can’t really argue.

“Grrrr… Fine! You can stay!” She shouts as she spins a crank wrench. “Next time you decide to be a prick, knock… And if you plan on keeping your hands, DON’T. Touch. My shit!” Her voice snarls as I feel her eyes bore into the back of my head.

“Oh yes, of course your royal bitchiness.” I scoff and Kes rolls her eyes before throwing her hands up in the air, akin to how I’ve seen Nix do those years before. She walks back over to… Whatever she was working on.

“I mean it, MacGrath. I don’t care that you’re the Beast or how strong you are, you touch my shit and I will cut your hands off!” She warns before crouching down by what looks like a mangled mess of metal and scrap, but on closer inspection, I see what it is.

It was her bike, or rather what was left of it.

Well… That explains her foul mood.

I lean back on a wall that faces her and the door and I look around the place. It’s… An interesting set up. On one side of the trailer, she has a mini-forge set up with the kit and kaboodle needed to make weapons on the go… Hell, I can see what looks like containers full of scrap and ingots. Then there’s the other side set up more like a bedroom, except instead of a bed, she has a hammock. Huh… Not a bad idea. I look at the shelves and see various things… Legos, rocks, a gameboy… A… Jar of feathers? Hm…

I turn my attention back to the bird as I feel the HEMTT shift, must be back on the move again. I watch her work and notice that… She doesn’t have her tendrils out. Odd, but okay. None of my business. She’s elbows deep in the scrap and working away. Curiosity starts getting the better of me as I never really got a chance to see the bike in its full glory before she wrecked it.

“So, what’s it based on?” I question.

“The base bike was a Kawasaki KX.” She grunts simply as I watch her switch out the wrench for her hands, using her power as both welder and cutter. I continue to ask questions about the bike, but she starts getting short with me.

“Would you just shut the fuck up?” She snaps. “I’m trying to focus on fixing this and you’re not helping.” Oooooh, she’s still sore about the bike. I grin to myself as I see an opportunity to stir up trouble.

“It’s a shame you had to go and wreck it.” I sneer, earning me a heated glare.

“Excuse me? You wrecked it, not me.”

“I wasn’t the one driving it, little birdie.” I snicker. “You were the one who crashed it.”

"Yeah because there was a murderous electric spider monkey trying to cook my brain meat while we were going 80, what the hell else was I supposed to do?" She pulls back, bumping her head and swearing before turning around to glare at me, hands on her hips.

“Not crash it.”

“And let you kill me? Hard pass! I’m still holding you responsible!”  Sure… Whatever helps you sleep at night. “I oughta make you fix my bike since you’re the one who broke it!” The bird snarls as I smirk at her. She was the one who wiped out the bike, not me, but whatever. I look at the partially rebuilt menace of a machine before looking at Kestrel.

“Aight.” I chuckle. “Just don’t get pissy when I go and cut the break lines.” My grin grows as I watch the Gunsmith turned mechanic roll her eyes so hard, they would have rolled out of her head.

“Uh, did you forget who’s fixing the Amp, sparkplug?” She sneers as she twirls a crank wrench in her hand. Her body posture taking on a serious dose of attitude. “I kiiiiiinda can’t hold up my end of the bargain if I’m roadkill.”

“You survived that crash, I’m sure you’ll be fine with a brake failure.” I taunt with a smirk.

“Are you planning on juicing me up with some of that Beast power when that happens, hm? Because last time I checked, I’m re-enforced, not invincible!”

“Maybe if you beg.” 

“Fat fucking chance!!” She scoffs. Her little snip kicks off a competition of wit and will. Insults and snarks fly back and forth and without anyone to interfere, the smacktalk can escalate freely and without interruption

I can feel something inside stir as we put each-other through our verbal paces, something I wouldn’t dare say to her or anyone. There’s… A feeling of… Excitement? I hate to admit it but that’s what it feels like. I’m… Starting to really enjoy this little game that our rage has turned into and I can see it in her eyes and how her mouth struggles not to twist into a grin that she’s sharing the same sentiments.

I have to give it to her, the girl can fight and her audacity is still as astounding as it was when we first clashed. Not backing down, not even to The Beast. Not even taking that title or the power it has into consideration of how I could fuck her up in several different ways.

It’s… Almost humanizing. Definitely refreshing.

The arguing and shouting continues to escalate, it becomes a blur with how second nature it feels to me, the only thing that snaps me out of it was a sudden grapple at my shirt and a pull. Soon we’re embroiled in a grapple match as we try to knock the other over. Me trying to use my strength while she uses her agility to throw her metal enforced body around and make me fall. The thing that stopped us is the sound of a crackling loudspeaker and a voice.

“WILL YOU TWO PINING IDIOTS KEEP IT DOWN?!?!” Mako’s voice roars over the speaker as we stop and stare at it, still grappling one another. “IF I CAN HEAR YOUR FOREPLAY OVER THE HEMTT AND INUYASHA TURNED UP AT FULL BLAST, YOU’RE TOO FUCKING LOUD!!”

What the hell?! What in the name of God makes her think that we were?? We were fighting!!

“If you two don’t either knock it off or keep it down, I will come over there and I will kick BOTH OF YOUR ASSES!!!” The speaker turns off with a click and the two of us stare at each-other before pushing each-other away. Kes dusts herself off before glaring at me. I can see it in her eyes she wants to keep going, but with Mako’s threats sucking the wind from the sails we just settle at glaring at each-other before exchanging one last insult.

“Bitch.”

“Dick.”

We walk back to our respective sides of the trailer, her to her bike and me to the wall. When I see that Kes has her eyes focused on her project, a small smile slips onto my face. I hate to admit it to myself, but that was… Fun.

I’ll have to mess with her again soon.

[bugcpu]

GHIS IS ME ENABLING YOU GIVE ME THE SEPHIRAH SCRUNGLY'S CORES YO SUPPRESS

OKOKOK SO. im putting this all under a cut because its long as hell. this is mostly how i think they'd function in the game, but includes minimal details [it was not minimal god help] on why shits fucked

Keuoh's unlocks first out of the two, and after the middle layer Sephirot's cores have been suppressed.

What I focused on here is his ability to open and close the doors of containment units. His responsibility is usually to keep these shut. He doesn't here, the fucker.

Throughout the day, he will cause sporadic qliphoth meltdowns, and cause things to breach at certain meltdown levels. This selection is random.

During his event, the trumpet borders that show at the corners of the screen show indefinitely until the core supression is over with, the warning level gradually going up as the day goes on. Keuoh your core suppression would be awful if it were actually in the game. Hod bless.

This is the song I've kinda associated with it,, I associate Keouh with many an Everhood song. This one specifically I imagine playing in the background tbh.

Peirché's core suppression unlocks after Keouh's core has been suppressed.

Peirché has a hostile breach!! Like An Arbiter and Red Mist. I've been calling it Pink Smoke [after the Scary Jokes song] as a placeholder, but this is subject to change lol

I don't have specifics sorted out for his yet. All I have down is that he has a chainsaw. Bro got into the Residential Departmen's supply closet. It's harder to work out specifics as quickly for him JDHJAFJ

These are the songs I associate with his core suppression, though they're subject to change as I figure more stuff out. Ordered based on how early/late I think they'd play.

OKAY NOW TO WHY SHITS FUCKED.

For Keouh I already went on my whole spiel about him. Angela is waiting for him to die or slip up in some way that gives her an excuse to terminate him. He is also extremely broken, in a literal sense. His problems boil down to not wanting to die yet and grappling with the fact that it happening in the near future is an inevitably in his eyes, whether it be him getting terminated or succumbing to his damage. He's given up, and yet he doesn't want to let go.

Peirché hates it here. That's the short version. It's all just bubbled up to the surface and come out as an infuriated outburst. He seems to be the type to get used a lot, though he isn't naive to this fact. He simply lets it happen, even if he isn't exactly content with it. Kindness requires sacrifice or whatever.

As this went on, though, resentment started to build up inside him. Resentment for the people who do take advantage of his kind will. However, hearing about how Keouh, literally his best friend, had been treated is what pushed him over the edge.

Well, it's that combined with the fact that he was expected to have his work shoved onto him, being forced to shoulder someone else’s burden again just because the idea of giving those duties to another department was 'a waste of space'. Plus the fact that Keouh didn't trust him enough to tell him. He doesn't hold any anger towards him for it, they do end up talking about it, but it's definitely at least a bit of a factor here.

Basically, mostly unrelated things cause Peirché's emotions to overload, and become the catalyst for a completely different problem. He's tired of being treated like dirt by his peers. Why should he have to suffer for being nice? If the simple act of being kind means being trampled over, maybe he'd prefer to be mean and scary instead.

mentally ill robots yaayyy!!!!

[syneilesis]

Unfinished Synfic #4

The afterlife is overrated anyway

Jujutsu Kaisen | Okkotsu Yuuta x Reader, ghosts, crack-ish, humor, silliness

“Are you a cursed spirit?”

Oh, please! AY★KA sniffs, turning her nose up. The only curse here is that I’m stuck with these two ultra boomers. Their tastes are so awful I can’t wait to move on to the afterlife.

You glance at the two ‘ultra boomers’. Komatsu Yoshitsune shifts from where he stands, an indication of awkward discomfort. I take offense at the accusation that we are a curse. There’s a pause, then he adds hastily, And an ‘ultra boomer’, whatever that means.

Yamashina no Sadatomo remains calm and unbothered. You’ve never seen him break in your entire life. A strip of shadow / across a bright flower field / radiance engulfs resentment.

“So that’s a no, too.” You return to Okkotsu, whose expression you want to chortle at. “You heard them. Not cursed spirits.”

He looks at you funny. “That’s not how it works.”

Notes: I've already written 4k words of this, but it's just the introduction of the OC ghosts, which I've enjoyed writing. Basically reader-chan can see ghosts and can help them cross the afterlife. There are three ghosts who's stuck with reader-chan, and this is where Yuuta comes in. He notices the ghosts and mistakes them for cursed spirits (I don't know if cursed spirits are ghosts or vice versa, but let's pretend they're different in this fic). The fic is divided into three parts: the first one is the introduction of reader-chan and the ghosts (already written); the second one is the appearance of Yuuta; and the third one is the conclusion/epilogue.

I don't know if I'll continue this actually; I haven't read jjk in a while, so what I know probably has already been jossed or something. But I actually like this concept, so should I continue this or not? (And post the first part in its entirety without concern about the second and third part?)

I. Dramatis Personae

There was once a child who was a little different from the rest: tiny little child with clean fingers and dainty little steps—and with the oddest sets of phrases directed to anybody who would want to engage in a little talk.

“Hello, there,” one would say, as the child sat alone in the playground surrounded by small plastic animals. A few ways away four children were playing tag, ignoring this little one who was also ignoring them. “Why are you playing alone?”

The child didn’t look up. The nearest plastic toy—a blue ostrich—was stuck halfway through the ground, its feet brushing against the child’s shoe. A breeze whipped by, bringing with it a cold flash that could cause goosebumps on one’s skin.

The child finally answered after allowing the joyful wails of the other children to fade away. “I’m teaching Sada-pyon the proper names of these animals. He’s a grownup but he doesn’t know what a dinosaur is and what a panda looks like. He says strange things but they’re funny.”

“I see …” There seemed to be no adults in the immediate vicinity. Perhaps this Sada-pyon just went to buy a drink from a vending machine? “Will Sada-pyon take a while to come back?”

“Oh!” The child finally looked up. Surprise flitted across those wide, innocent eyes. A couple of children ran past them, their laughter sharp and shocking in the sudden quiet.

The child blinked, tilting slightly askew, as though something behind was more fascinating. There’s a thin ringing behind one’s ears, like tinnitus, but it grew louder and louder and more unnerving with each second of prolonged silence.

“Sada-pyon never left,” the child said. A pudgy finger pointed to something that’s not there. “He’s just there, smiling at you.”

[impossiblesuitcase]

Kai ranting about how frustrating everyone was in a very long meeting that left him so emotionally and physically exhausted that he’s on the verge of a breakdown as cinder rubs his back.>>> 👌👌

(Also very good chapter of mmm, love a good title drop)

Did I take this prompt and use it as an excuse to write an idea I've had for ages? Noooooooo. I would neveeeerrrrrr.

Voices in His Head

“The Eastern Commonwealth’s blatant loyalties to Luna make it wholly unequipped for any rational discussion—”

No.

“—the Olympic games is a fundamentally Earthen event, and not only is the empress asserting that we should include Lunar and cyborg athletes—”

Stop.

“—but she even insiuntates that it should be held on Luna.”

Shut up.

“Empre—”

SHUT. UP.

Queen Camilla’s words freeze in his mind, scratch and almost start up again.

Kai walks into the bathroom, bleary-eyed and spent. His dress shoes clack on the marble tiles and tinnitus crawls into his synapses, so awful it makes him want to wrench them off and shove them into his eardrums. 

“Empress Selene would even imply tha—”

A shower. He needs a shower. He’s sticky and greasy and his hair is clinging to his forehead. At this very moment, he’s certain every arachnid mite living in his pores is raving.

(He’s been in his air-conditioned office all day.)

Their bathroom is straight out of one of those architecture netfeeds Iko pores over. Tall ceilings, double sinks with basins cut from a geode and coated in glass to protect their hands. Dim lights framing the mirror. A large freestanding tub with hidden jets, and overhead a bespoke chandelier. The shower has built-in seating and three heads and is wide enough to fit four, five, ten people and a horse.

Cinder is leaning against the sink, back to the mirror. Her hair is unusually free and tumbles down her shoulders as she scrubs her teeth. Her chequered red shorts and white singlet have lost opacity where they are stretched over her midsection.

Six months gestation, and though she’s hurled up her guts almost every single one of those days, she’s still the most beautiful mother-to-be he’s ever seen.

He is noticed as she turns around to the basin, her toothbrush lodged between her teeth. “‘Uo’re back!” 

Kai pauses at the towel rack, steadying his hands on the metal bar. The shelf adjacent is already home to three rubber ducks, two bottles of baby shampoo, a microfibre koala towel and a thermometer.

“‘Ow was da meeding?” she garbles. She leans over the faucet—spits, gargles, and wipes her mouth with a towel. 

His feet are finally free of his shoes, next his socks. When she straightens, he’s struggling to pull off the left with his toes.

“Kai?”

“It was fine.” 

She sighs, stringing the towel over the rail. “Isn’t it kind of the union leaders to choose a time that’s great for their time zones and terrible for ours?”

He forces a single scornful chuckle. His sweat has left condensation on the rail, and his towel is absent.

Cinder passes him a fresh one unbidden, then bumps the drawer closed with her hip. “Sorry I left you to fend for yourself in there—Doctor’s orders and, oh! Doctor Li moved the blood count test to Friday.” Eyes alight, bright and hopeful. “Do you wanna get away tomorrow?”

“We have the meeting with the chancellor,” he reminds her flatly. 

She deflates, thumping her forehead with the heel of her hand. “Stars, I can’t remember anything these days. Stupid”—wack—“pregnancy”—wack—“brain.”

“It’s almost 1 am. You need some rest.”

She’d been napping when he left for the meeting, not before moving her from the couch to their bed. He’d hoped she would stay asleep. But she woke up, on purpose, to wait for him. Again.

“You look like you need it too.” She smiles tenderly, extending her hand for him to take.

He takes it. Squeezes. Pulls away. “I’m gonna have a shower.”

The smile falls. “You already had one this morning.”

His hands fumble with the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it free—it’s stuck around his wrists. Kai dumbly pulls and grunts. Pulls, pulls, pulls.

When he doesn’t respond, her brow creases, quietly worried. “You look tired. Why don’t you just come to bed?”

Finally, he figures out that the shirt is a button down. The button holes are near impossible with numb fingertips but eventually he’s slinging the shirt across the bathroom floor.

Then, wordlessly, he approaches her, kisses her forehead, and crouches to kiss her stomach.

Cinder looks at the ground; at him. “I’ll wait for you.”

Don’t. But she’ll ignore him anyway.

Kai makes it into the shower and puts it on full blast. It’s scalding. He curses under his breath, steps out of the stream, turns around for the soap.

Cinder is still in the bathroom, lingering by the doorway. She isn’t looking at him—more towards the bay windows and seven potted plants underneath. Yet there’s a reason she’s here.

She’s done this—this pensive hovering—a lot over the past year and a half. The year and a half which was better chronicled by months; months of hoping, months of disappointment.

He grabs the soap, catching it as it slips out of his hands. Footsteps retreat into their bedroom.

It’s his fault, of course. He has no siblings. No aunts or uncles. He is the last in line for the throne.

Kai scrubs his chest.

Hereditary male infertility. Cinder had even reasoned that perhaps her cybernetics had damaged her reproductive system—trying to take some of the blow. But the doctors said in no uncertain terms that she was as good a candidate for pregnancy as any.

It’s his fault.

Months of vitamins almost as many calories as his breakfast congee. Months of the exact same soul-crushing, taunting, singular pink line. Every time, Cinder would hug him and assure him that she didn’t blame him, that it would happen for them.

“It takes two to make a baby, you know. If one of us is having issues, we both are,” she’d said.

He had smiled weakly. 

But as the waiting went on too long, she stopped telling him that the tests were coming back negative. Stopped telling him she was taking them at all. But he’d hear her curse when she got her period, not just in annoyance for the blood staining their bedsheets. Hear her hushed conversations over comm with her obstetrician. Complain of more headaches than usual—the ones she gets in place of crying.

He turns off the water, feeling a sting in his own eyes.

———

Kai is shivering by the time he leaves the bathroom.

Cinder is still awake as promised, though her heavy eyelids imply it’s an active fight. The bed sheets are wrinkled from her previous nap and she’s snuggled into the baby blue pregnancy pillow that Scarlet recommended for sciatica. Kai grudges the fluffy cocoon because its walls keep him from holding her at night. But he wants her to be comfortable, so he doesn’t let that fact reach his vocal chords.

Cinder absently scrolls through her portscreen as he approaches the bed. Feet jelly, he flops onto her side and crawls over her legs.

She giggles under her breath. “Lazy.”

Drained, Kai thinks.

His side of the bed is cold. Despite this, he can’t be bothered to pull up the blanket or turn off his bedside lamp. He just stares blankly ahead. Little flickers of light scatter outside, like stars in his vision. He’s forgotten to close the blinds to the balcony window, he vaguely realises.

Can’t be bothered.

Then again, it’s not a bad thing to fall asleep to. Though the front of the palace stands towering above the crowded New Beijing metropolis, this side faces a picturesque mountain range. Where the city welcomes more artificial light than darkness, the mountain lights are patchy; sparse from town to town.

He and Cinder love to stand on their balcony at night and gulp in the air and dream about getting lost in those forests.

“What’s wrong, love?”

The port has been moved to her nightstand, plugged in and facing down. She’s looking at him.

A safe shake of the head. “Nothing.”

Her hand snakes out from underneath the pillow and tucks around his back. It’s frighteningly cold; it skips like stones over a frozen lake on his skin. A moment later, he realises it’s actually warm, hot even, and his brain has misinterpreted the temperature.

Cinder stalls the hand at the small of his back. “Please don’t lie to me,” she whispers.

He sighs deeply, explanations clogging his throat. That warm flesh against his skin reminds him of the hot metal rods used for archaic torture and interrogation. It’s a disturbed, callous thought he regrets immediately, even if he couldn’t control it escaping from his deep unconscious. 

“It was just…the meeting.”

“Didn’t go well?”

Something derisive leaves his throat. “You could say that.” 

Deep brown eyes that still visit his dreams, imploring. Her hand cups his waist. “Tell me about it.” 

“Empress Selene would even imply that her trauma validates her opinion over ours.”

“No,” he says firmly. “It’s not important.”

She scoffs. “It obviously is, if it’s got you this drained.”

He rolls over, facing away from her. “I’m fine,” he says curtly. “Don’t worry about me.”

Kai tempers his breaths. This new position is already growing uncomfortable. He waits.

No sarcastic response. Not even a pitying reply. A glance over his shoulder reveals her frowning, pinched lips.

There it is again, that lingering. Kai hates having her worry about him. He hates that, before, he was too overwrought and uncoiled from wanting to curse into the wind to really take care of her as much as she needed. Hates that during that time he could bring down any cheerful mood, like when they played a boardgame with Cress and Thorne—which Cinder had deliberately arranged as a breather for him—and he became snarky when he was the only player to not land on a ‘have a baby’ tile.

Of course, they have all the univs on the planet. All the resources in the galaxy. They could’ve marched into their doctor’s office, get hooked up to the latest high-tech fertility machines and walk out soon-to-be parents.

But the procedures would be incredibly invasive for Cinder. Just hearing the lengths of it made his stomach flip-flop upside down and inside out. 

Cinder had endured surgery after operation and trauma after mutilation. He couldn’t do that to her. Not when this was a simple, fundamental thing he should be able to give her.

So they waited. And he underestimated how much that waiting would corrode him. Now she’s pregnant, and he isn’t going to let a minute pass by without taking care of her.

Ignoring her, freezing her out, is not taking care of her, chants a voice in his head. 

“Kai, my love, look at me.”

He does as asked.

She reaches over, stroking his cheek. Her eyes drop to his chest. “Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

Wistfulness envelopes her face. “You know, it doesn’t matter what you could be talking to me about—the apocalypse, certain death.” The switch back to his eyes is sharp. “What really stresses me out is when you don’t talk to me.”

That voice was right. Stupid stupid stupid.

“I don’t want to worry you,” he repeats.

“I know.” Lines crinkle around her eyes with her smile. “But I will always worry about you. That’s the deal. And you won’t stress out Peony either: she can’t hear.”

“Actually, her ears are already formed and functioning. I was reading up on it the other day.”

“Well, she can’t comprehend what we’re saying.”

“Cinder,” he feigns offence, “are you calling our daughter dumb?”

A long eye roll. “Kai.”

“Sorry.”

She sits up unexpectedly, extricating herself from the baby blue pillow. It’s thrown to the floor with groan and no doubt a few jugfuls of strength, then she secures herself in his arms instead. 

He’s too tired to dial down his eagerness. This is what he’s needed all day, all month, all ever. He cradles her rapaciously.

“Talk to me,” muffles against his shirt.

And he does. Gripes about Queen Camilla barely shrouding her prejudice against Cinder, and the other leaders agreeing, despite everyone in the room knowing it was born out of jealousy for the younger, more popular ruler. Rants about President Vargas and his new bill that would fold all trade route monopolies into his hand, and how the fully-informed other leaders supported it! All because the Union was growing suspicious of the Commonwealth for opening new internal routes, believing they were attempting to splinter off and rely on their own economy.

He does and he does until he’s almost crying from frustration, because this is the last thing they need right now. These inane arguments would persist until after Peony came, and they didn’t deserve to have to entertain and coddle squabbling politicians. They shouldn’t have to cradle fragile adults when they should be cradling a fragile daughter.

Cinder listens and holds him. Listen and hold, listen and hold. As he winds down, recoils into back his spring, she pulls his hand to her heart, the other to her stomach. Peony is awake too.

Badum, kick, badum, kick, badum.

“Thank you,” she says finally.

“Thank you,” he says meaningly.

Under his palm, a thin, jagged scar peeks out from her singlet, starting at the swell of her breast and reaching her sternum. It’s the length of his pinky finger and almost the length of her ring finger; they’ve measured it before.

Kai caresses the pale memory under his thumb. It’s faded over time, but it could fade more. Doctors recommended laser treatments, skin grafting, cell turnover acceleration. Cinder declined it all. She wears her scar without apology. It wasn’t her fault her crazed aunt stabbed her in the heart.

It isn’t his fault.

Cinder directs his chin with a warm metal hand and kisses him like she’s the one whispering that assurance to him. Like she means it. 

Badum, kick, kick, badum.

“Can we reschedule the meeting with the chancellor?” she whispers after a while.

He laughs. “No. I’d love to say yes, but we really can’t.”

She squints. Yawns, not too disheartened. “Then can we do something this weekend?”

“Like what?”

Deep brown eyes that still visit his dreams, sparkling and romantic. “Since Peony can hear, how about…” She shifts awkwardly in his hold to point at the glistening mountainous skies. “A walk through the forest?”

A deep inhale. Crisp air, frozen in time. Towering trees that would remain and thrive despite any number of problems he faced or caused.

“Birds chirping, a creek burbling, just like when you proposed?” She gives him a nudge, though he needs no convincing. “Won’t that be nice for her?”

Wind rustling through leaves. Twigs crunching under his feet. Cicadas humming where he’ll never see. 

“Peace and quiet for Mummy and Daddy?” he teases.

A laugh, and then she tucks back into his neck. 

———

The forest is silent, yet Cinder’s smile is speaking a thousand unsung words. It’s okay. I love you. You’re doing your best.

Maybe he can listen to the voices in his head, when it’s her.

Notes

My reasoning as to why Kai may be infertile.

Hey, question! Anyone like Cresswell fic and would want to be tagged?

@cinderswrench @cindersassasin @hayleblackburn @spherical-empirical @salt-warrior @just2bubbly @gingerale2017 @zephyr-thedragon @holdmysparks @oceanspray5 @icarusignite @shellyseashell @kaider-is-my-otp @slmkaider @luna-maximoff-22 @cosmicnovaflare @kaixiety @shellyseashell

[gabbagepatch]

Day by day ~ 3-29-2024

Since my last blog I saw my optometrist and my eyes have gotten a clean bill of health! Nothing "wrong" with my eyes except some surface dryness.

I still haven't received a call from any neurologist and my bloodwork is delayed because the lab technician is on vacation. I'm pretty antsy for answers, obviously, because this shit has really been difficult. If I can at least find out why, even if it's not "cured", I won't be so scared. It's scary not knowing. I asked my PCP to test my urine for gadolinium because the sensory symptoms onset two days after my MRI in February and I found some reports of people with near-identical symptoms after being administered MRI contrast. PCP seemed skeptical, but I haven't had any other obvious solutions presented to me.

I feel like a conspiracy nut a lot. Is it this? What about that? Should I get this test? I'm desperate for answers. I accessed my own MRI to check for Chiari Malformation (didn't have it). My family is telling me to step away from searching but how can I? I feel awful and I'm expected to wait patiently for months to see doctors that don't help. Who's supposed to be looking for answers when doctors won't?

Doctors act like patients, especially women, are trying to scam them into diagnosis's, like we want to be ill. I don't want this to be happening. ~shocker~ I wish I felt "normal", whatever that means. If I had one wish, I'd wish for health. I'm tired. Tired of waking up everyday to a life of discomfort, to headaches, to feeling restless, to pain, to uncertainty.

I know I sound depressed, I guess I kindof am. I started this year with tinnitus, and I'm heading into April with a laundry list of physical challenges and no answers.

I don't think anyone that hasn't had these symptoms understand the mental toll it takes when your body is never at rest. Always twitching, burning, stinging, buzzing, cramping, aching, ringing--I haven't felt truly relaxed since Christmas 2023. I can't even sit on my phone and scroll mindlessly because my own eyes turn everything into a lightshow.

I'm not normally someone who likes to pity party, but get the balloons because that's how I feel today. I'm sure I'll perk up, do an activity, watch something, and I'll feel a bit better by tonight. But then the high will fade and I'll crawl into bed and begin shaking and hurting all over. I'll wake up and do it again tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. I'll keep going, even if it's miserably.

──────────────────── 〔✿〕 ─────────────────────

 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body." 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

──────────────────── 〔✿〕 ─────────────────────

[1004tyun-archive]

my girlfriend crystal hehehe 🥹🩷🩷 i know you’re sleeping right now but i keep missing you >3<

i told other friends of mine about you and i’m so happy hehehehe i get to talk about you to more and more people 🥹🫶🩷

i still can’t believe you’re my girlfriend and i’m yours >\\\< i still remember when i was sending you asks in your inbox 🥺 i always thought there’s no way you’d like me back >\\< rhsjdrjejd and then our era of horny memes and taehyun judgy memes in our inboxes 🤭 everything we experience together is always so fun 🥹🩷

crystal gem 💎🩷🥹 i’m in love with you my sweet <3 thank you so much for being in my life, for being the person that you are, you’re so amazing, beautiful inside and out 🥺🥹😭🩷🩷 i want to kiss you so bad so that i finally get to show you my affection 🥺 talking to you all day makes me so happy already so i’ll be okay hehe 🥺🩷

i saw these strawberries and thought of you since you love spider verse hehe~ i should try to watch it!! and obviously some cookies and cream~ 🤭🩷

my love 🥹 i’m a little stressed today but thinking about you gives me the strength to go on always 😚🩷 i wish i could just focus on you always 🥹 i cherish my crystal time so much 🥺🥺🩷 my beautiful girlfriend hehehehehe (tinnitus english version sung by you lives in my mind rent free 🤭🩷)

i hope you sleep well and wake up feeling energized!! >3< mwah mwah!!

— your girlfriend, cherry bear 🍒🩷😚

my girlfriend cherry~ i was sooo glad to see a message from you as soon as i woke up 🥺🥺🩵🩵 i missed you so so much baby 🥺

aaajshsjs that makes me so so happy baby 🥹🥹 i told my irls that we’re officially official and they were all so happy for me 🥺🥺😭😭 it feels so good to talk about you to people sometimes i feel like going out into the street and being like I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND but i think that would freak some people out 😭😭

i still cannot believe this it feels like a dream 😭😭 when we were first sending asks to each other i was so certain that i was gonna be a pro at keeping my feelings unknown but even then i was super obvious 😭 even when we were in our oblivious gal pals phase all i wanted was for you to know that i cared about you and to make it so there’d be no doubt about it. and then we realized that we were attracted to each other and our relationship progressed into something different and that’s when even taehyun started judging us djshsjjs 😭😭😭😭 but this experience has been nothing short of fun and beautiful :’) 🩵🩵

honest to god when you first said you were in love with me i started crying my eyes out 😭😭😭 to everyone else on the planet it’s obvious but it made me feel so special ;; i love you so much cherry baby i’m so in love with you you’re so beautiful inside and out and i can’t wait for the opportunity to show you how i feel ;3; i want to hold you and kiss you so badly!!! >3< i wanna shower you with affection ;; but being able to do that verbally when we call means a lot to me too 🥺🥺🥺🩵🩵🩵

THIS MOODBOARD I’M GONNA CRYY IT’S SO CUTE it’s everything i love combined plus it was made by the person i love the most 😭😭😭😭 i really couldn’t ask for anything better 🥺🩵

aw baby :( i wish i was there to hold your hand and hug you i’m here for you!! 🥺 every moment i spend with you is so important to me i love having my cherry time with my beautiful girlfriend~ 🥺🥺🍒🩷 (lmaoskhsj i can’t get you singing the tinnitus demo version out of mh head either 😭😭 don’t want no pictures wanna touch your body feel your body push up on me~ 😏😏💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾)

i feel kinda groggy since i forgot to turn my ac on before i fell asleep but i’ll always be happy to wake up and hear from you my dear 🥺🥺 i love you so so much

my love, my girlfriend, my one and only cherry bear~ 🥺🥺🥺🩵🩵

[chounaifu]

distantly there is this sound: it’s grating, like metallic scraping. like a broken, staticky sound. it’s almost like a Pokémon, but distinctly not. it’s looping. jittering.

It's nearing one in the morning, and he has been working on his own darker, colder part of the basement floor; the blood on his gloves had long since lost its warmth, the tools in his hands stained and coated with the thick crimson. A body discarded, organs removed and put on ice. The intake had been late in the evening, and the interrogation had gotten out of hand. Proton needed to make the man disappear-- a talker, a rat, a traitor, worth less than the gravel stuck in the soles of his boots.

It was not unusual for Proton to experience auditory hallucinations, even before the. . . Accident. His mind fancied playing tricks on him, a whisper here, a jarring click there, all things that he was capable of brushing off. But right now, his ears ring, lingering tinnitus perhaps, from the way his victim's screams had rattled his ear drums.

At first, he is irritated and dismisses it as the exhaustion. An alarm had gone off in another room on this floor-- bloodied glove is dragged down his face with a tired groan escaping a dry mouth-- not enough water was drank while he worked-- he's baptized with the crimson that had been drained from the dead.

-- And now his stomach twists, as the cruel sound grows louder, steady in how it builds and crackles, bending and screeching. Proton winces, nose scrunching, brows knitted together-- he takes a deep breath once-- allows a full exhale. He takes a deep breath twice-- it's shaky on the release.

A̷n̷d̷ t̷h̷e̷ e̷l̷e̷c̷t̷r̷o̷n̷i̷c̷ w̷a̷r̷b̷l̷e̷ g̷e̷t̷s̷ l̷o̷u̷d̷e̷r̷.

He sucks his teeth, pinches the bridge of his nose, tilts his head back, contemplates the termites chewing his brain and causing this ruckus.

❝ Shit. . . ❞ Hiss.

He's alone, metal scraping and grinding against itself in his head, louder and LOUDER and LOUDER.

❝ Stop it. STOP IT! ❞

His forehead connects with the concrete wall once, connects twice, upon the third time the stone breaks skin. Irritation explodes into distress, into panic, into Proton shouting--

❝ 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗠𝗘 𝗔𝗟𝗢𝗡𝗘! ❞

No amount of blunt force to the repo man's head silences that AWFUL, HORRIBLE screeching, one more SMACK to his forehead nearly leaves Proton without his vision. In his delirium, he turns around with a stumble, swipes a pair of scissors from his work table, and drives them into his thigh. He needs it to STOP he needs it to STOP he needs it to STOP he NEEDS IT TO--

A sharp HISS through his teeth-- and Proton gasps, eyes wide, sweat beading and dripping from his forehead as he pants and catches his breath--

Silence.

He rips the scissors from his thigh, shaking hand dropping them, they hit the floor with a loud clack, and HE falls to the ground with a heavy thud, legs shaking, hand over his face as he comes down from the delusions.

[austerulous]

◈ @spec08: ❛ There is a scurry before he makes the high hop onto the table, his feet stretching upwards to give him the maximum height that he is allowed. There are a series of squeaks to get her attention before he holds up what appears to be a precious gem. The light catches it in such a way that it sparkles obnoxiously and the creature seems very pleased with himself that he found it for her. After a moment the mechanical voice explains, 'He has found this while digging in your dirt gardens. He wants to know if you have been looking for it?' // For Dez ❜

Garish metal music shrieked into Odessa’s ruined ears as she tinkered, the table before her strewn with mechanical parts, with tools both scavenged and makeshift.  It took a moment for Hammond’s triumphant, high-pitched squeaks to bleed past the cushions of her headset, to pierce the whine of her tinnitus and pull her attention.  Realising she had company, the Junker Queen freed her ears, just in time to hear the mechanical voice speak.  Hammond’s intellect and creativity were unparalleled, his mastery of mechanics and engineering far surpassing her own.  He was a formidable force on the battlefield and beyond – and he was her friend, the closest thing she had to family.  His company was always welcome.

“Aw, Champ, I’d wondered where that got to!”

Gold always held its value.  Her father had told her that, long ago.  Currency weathered storms unseen, its worth in a constant state of flux.  But gold?  It was a finite resource, like the drab people of this ramshackle settlement, like the Omnics that assaulted it.  Next to gold, gemstones.  Traditional wealth might hold little weight in a post-apocalyptic society built on bartering and trade, yet Odessa still lined the coffers, a shining reservoir that someday might find use.

Proffered in Hammond’s pink grasp was a missing piece, a sapphire that had traded the cloister of the earth’s heart-roots for a royal pocket.  Delighted, Odessa took it from him.  It was a perfect size for turning over absentmindedly in hand, its smooth surface one of lustrous shine.  Like blue fire, like the violent, artificial hue of her hair.  There was a coast, far beyond the polluted horizon, where she imagined there were lagoons and deep waters of this same brilliant shade. 

“Finder keepers, ain’t that part of my decree?”

As though hoping to add to its already dazzling shine, she rubbed it on her dirty shirt.  Given that her clothes were dull with dirt, grease, sweat, the gemstone likely suffered from the polishing.  Grinning crookedly, her scars and war paint twisting, she held it back out to Hammond.

“It’s all yours, mate.”

[merunicornwithbooks]

Hi so I don't have tinnitus, I have an ear infection. A very minor one with no redness and pus so like... that's why I have thumping in my ear. It was swollen shut and pulsing for two days but seems to be improving now (the thumping comes and goes and is nowhere near as loud as it has been) so I just need to take OTC meds for the swelling and discomfort. Fingers crossed I don't have to go to a doctor for antibiotics since COVID's kind of swarming my area right now and I'd rather not be exposed.

(just found out that a good chunk of the employees who still work in-office got COVID so that's why everything's been stressful and awful; everyone's been out sick.)