#tina would feel so awkward

[detroitbecomeonline]

i just thought of the stupidest headcanon ever: deviant connor now attempts to greet hank with a hug every time ever since the chicken feed hug. he doesn't care. he's a deviant he can do what he wants. and if that means he opens his arms up for hank in the office and hank has to embarrassingly reject and swerve out the way and then get hugged from behind and then push him away-- lmao

second stupid headcanon: connor turns into a hugger after the chicken feed and he attempts to hug everyone instead of a handshake because hand = android greeting and hug = human greeting. he saw some teenage girls on the street hug each other why can't he do it. "captain fowler you wanted to speak with me?" leans in for a hug

[slimeciclecock]

thinking back to the conversation charlie and mariana had during purgatory where the qsmp members might plan another get-together at the end of the year and a lot of them would love for mariana to come ....

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

a best friends to lovers trope with eddie where he goes to reader about every date, hookup etc for her advice which she sadly provides. that is until she sets a boundary with the excuse that she’s tired of constantly helping him like this (but also because she’s in love with him and it hurts)

happy ending please (or not) do what you want and i hope this helps 🩷🩷

May I request a fluffy Eddie piece where reader had a long day and she quite literally collapses in Eddie's lap cause she's so tired, and her head is in his lap and he's stroking her hair cause he's so in love with her??

Combined these two requests because I thought it would be cute. You'll see ❤️🥰

Request by anon.

❤️

"Do you think Sammy will like this shirt?" Eddie asks worriedly. He's holding up another band shirt and you nod, feeling the familiar ache inside of you.

It happens every time Eddie has a date. To Eddie you were his official advice giver, he asked you for help with every date he had and it ranged anywhere from what to wear, to what flowers he was to get, to kissing etiquette on a first date.

Dutifully you answered every query and worry but over the last few months, it has been tiring. It's been difficult to separate your feelings for Eddie and act like him going on dates isn't killing you inside.

The pressure was too much and you can't hear any more about Sammy or Tina or Anna or whoever he's dated in the past couple of months. You don't want to be selfish as he's your best friend but if you don't say something then you'll just get even more upset and withdrawn inside.

"Eddie, stop. Stop please I can't do this anymore. We need to have some boundaries" Eddie stills and gazes at you stunned. He literally looks like a deer in headlights and you feel so bad but this has to be done.

"What's wrong princess?" he sounds so concerned and your heart aches even more that you have to do this.

"I'm so in love with you and I can't do this anymore, I can't. It's killing me inside because I so desperately want to be with you but you don't feel the same and I have to hear about all of your dates when I know you would never feel that way about me, ever"

It all comes out in a big rush and by the time you've taken a breath, Eddie looks stunned.

"Uh, I... Shit" he gasps out and you feel absolutely humiliated. Fuck. What if you've ruined everything with Eddie.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I have to go" you rush out before he can say anything else.

❤️

You're going to stay in your room forever and not see anyone. It's the only way that you could get over confessing your biggest secret.

Now Eddie would be on his date and what if he had a problem and felt like he couldn't turn to you because you made everything so awkward. So you were staying right here and hopefully after some time everything would be okay.

You would face Eddie tomorrow. Unfortunately for you Eddie has other plans. There's a knock on your window and Eddie is sitting outside on the slate of your roof.

Panicking that he might fall you rush to get the door open and he tumbles inside. He gets to his feet and smiles impishly, all dimples. God you loved him.

"Hi Eddie, uh how was the date?" Oh real smooth you idiot. Ask him that after you blew up at him. Eddie blushes and ducks his head shyly.

"There was no date, sweetheart, I've been thinking about what you said and I can't believe that the girl of my dreams is in love with me"

"Sweetheart, I never thought you'd ever be interested in me. So I dated and shit, hoped I'd forget you but that's impossible" he caresses your cheek and rests his forehead against yours.

When his lips meet yours for your first kiss, you feel like you're in heaven, you can't believe that this is happening.

"Would have saved a lot of heartache if you just told me that Eddie" you point out and his cheeks darken.

"I know princess but if you give me a chance then I will make it up to you, I promise. What do you say?"

Pleased you nod, "Okay" he's beaming at this point and presses his lips you yours again.

"Get ready for Eddie Munson's guide to wooing, will sweep you off your feet baby" he winks and you roll your eyes giggling at his antics. Idiot.

But now he was your loveable idiot.

❤️

Six months later

Geez you were so tired. It had been a busy day at Family Video and you were so tired, like you could barely keep your eyes open because you were so sleepy.

Some of the customers had been trying on your patience today and you had a headache on top of being so tired.

Steve had dropped you off at Eddie's and all you wanted to do was cuddle up with your adorable boyfriend. Eddie cuddles healed all (at least in your opinion)

When you head inside and straight to Eddie's room he's waiting up for you and pats his knee so you collapse on it and feel the tension leave your body for the first time today.

"Ugh, today was shit" you moan as Eddie softly strokes your hair, his big brown eyes gaze down at you lovingly. The love in his eyes always took your breath away, you couldn't believe that Eddie loved you this much.

It mirrored how much you loved and adored him.

"Oh, my princess, you want me to run you a bath? We could watch The Princess Bride and eat the cookies that Max baked for us?" that sounds so nice but for now you just want Eddie to hold you.

"In a bit babe, can we just stay like this for a little bit longer" he agrees with this and continues stroking your hair softly.

"As you wish"

❤️

[theladycarpathia]

Billy’s not expecting the call from his dad.

“Billy?” Hop sounds distant, the faint sound of an idling engine in the background. Billy blinks, because his dad is at work and as far as Billy knows that usually means sitting behind a desk at the station and arguing with Flo.

“Don’t you have paperwork to be doing?” Billy says and Hopper snorts. There’s the sound of background traffic that’s then shut out by the clang of a car door.

“Don’t give me cheek, I am still the chief,” Hopper says as though that means anything in a small town where the most crime that they get is some drunk idiot attempting to rob the gas station.

“Yes, sir,” Billy quips and changes the channel. No one else is home and he’s bored. Jon and Joyce are still at work, and El and Will are doing weird nerd activities. The diner didn’t have a shift for him today and he doesn’t have a date, so he came home. He’d half expected someone to be here, instead of getting stuck with a protein bar and old reruns.

“That’s more like it,” Hopper says and then clears his throat awkwardly. “I was just wondering…are you definitely single?”

“Dad,” Billy says, attention now fully away from the TV set. Hop’s called him before, to ask him shit like do they need milk and to take the trash out. He doesn't call to talk about Billy's love life. They never talk about that, not after that time Hopper came in his room without knocking. “What is your next question, because this could make the next family dinner a little uncomfortable.”

“Don’t be a dick,” Hopper gripes. There’s the sudden cackle of laughter in the background and Billy sits up.

“Are you with someone?” he asks and then sucks in a breath at the implications. “Did you put me on speaker?”

“I may have done,” Hopper says, sounding sheepish. “I just picked up a young man outside the movie theatre and he’s about your age…”

“I’m nineteen!” the mystery guy hollers from the backseat. Hopper keeps talking like the guy hadn’t spoken.

“I don’t know, I just thought he was your type.”

Billy presses a hand to his temple, unable to believe that his dad has just said those words. “What’s my type?” he asks, wondering if he’s going to combust right here and now. Hopper makes that little awkward throat clearing again, like he can’t believe the situation either.

“You know,” he says stiffly. “Sort of…pretty.”

Oh God. Billy can never look Hopper in the eye again.

“You think I’m pretty?” the guy asks curiously, and Billy can’t blame him for sounding a bit weirded out.

“I think you look like a lot of the doe-eyed pretty-boys my son brings home,” Hopper snaps. Despite his obvious discomfort, Billy can’t help the rush of affection at Hopper trying to be supportive. Neil would have beat the shit out of him. Hopper tries to hook him up with appropriately aged delinquents in the back of the police car.

“A lot?” the guy asks and Billy flushes. He then regrets it because he has no idea if he even wants to impress whatever guy Hopper has picked up.

“It’s not a lot,” he says defensively because Hawkins isn’t exactly big on the gay scene. His last boyfriend he met at Tina’s Halloween party and to be fair, if you wear a kilt and not a lot else to a party in October, Billy’s absolutely going to beg you to rail him in the downstairs cloakroom. The relationship hadn't exactly worked out.

“Look, I get the feeling I’m never going to hear the end of this so here’s the situation,” Hopper says, sounding tired. “This is my son, Billy. He’s about to finish high school, he likes cars and burgers and loud music. He has shit taste in men even though he’s attractive, clever and a smart mouth. Billy, this is Steve. I was on my way back from the mayor’s office when I caught him peeing in an alley. Judging by his big brown eyes and the fact that public nudity doesn’t seem to be a problem for him, I thought of you.”

“Aww,” Billy drawls, sitting back on the couch. There are lights in the drive so someone has just arrived home. Which is good because he needs to tell everyone this story so they can give Hopper shit about it over dinner. “Pops, that’s so sweet.”

“Don’t say I never do anything for you,” Hopper says, like he hasn’t already done everything for Billy by getting him out, giving him a home. “I’ll take an extra polaroid when I process him.”

“I had to take a leak!” Steve protests and Hopper sucks in air through his teeth.

“There are public bathrooms, kid, I’ve heard those work pretty well. Billy, help your mom with dinner when she gets home.” Sucks for Hopper, it’s Jon heading up the path, keys dangling from his fingers. Billy can’t wait to tell him this story.

“Or what, you won’t bring me any more dates?” Billy asks, but he’s only half-joking. Hopper means well and kind of fucks it up a lot but this time he might have hit it right on the money. He thinks he might like Steve.

“Do I get a picture?” Steve asks. “Or does the Hawkins Police just pimp out young innocent men with full bladders?”

Oh yeah. He’s definitely going to like Steve.

“I have a picture on my desk,” Hopper admits grumpily. There’s the jangle of keys in the door as Jonathan lets himself in. “You can look at it if you’re good.”

“And what if I’m not?” Steve asks and Jonathan walks in just in time to raise his eyebrows at Billy.

“I can help punish him, if he’s not,” Billy suggests, and Hopper hangs up the phone just as Steve begins to laugh.

This has probably been done before because it's based on that famous tumblr post but it's so dull during school holidays I have nothing to do but write. And I have no in progress Harringrove fics which is probably a problem I should fix.

[afewproblems]

Season 2 Halloween AU Part Four

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

A very big thank you to @strangersteddierthings for chatting with me today and being such a great sounding board for the next update!

Synopsis: What if Eddie had been at Tina's Halloween Party in Season Two? Featuring Steve!Whump, Stancy Breakup, and Eddie just trying to keep up with all these new revelations about who King-Steve actually is...

***

"So…I have to ask," Eddie blurts out, cutting through the awkward silence that has fallen between them, "how were you gonna pick up your car before you ran into me?"

"I don't think it counts as running into you, if you were waiting for me Munson," Steve side steps the question expertly, flashing him a strange smirk that seems out of place. It falls after a second and twists into something pained.

"I was hoping Nance would take me," Steve says eventually, his voice soft, "which was pretty stupid in hindsight, 'specially cuz she was counting on me to drive her this morning, which--"

Steve cuts himself, snapping his mouth shut with a harsh click of teeth, he shakes his head and lifts his hand to run roughly through his hair.

"Doesn't matter anymore".

Eddie holds his breath, feeling the conversation begin to shift. It's as though he's stepped onto a tightrope and any wrong move could potentially send him over the edge.

He settles for nodding once, turning the key in the ignition.

Steve sighs and lets himself fall back into his seat, "I know you know already, the whole fucking school does, Billy saw to that," Steve gestures to his face, "say what you really want to ask". 

Eddie's fingers tighten around the wheel as he turns them out of the parking lot, fighting the immediate urge to say, 'why did Miss Priss throw it all away?' 

"You think I believe the rumours that come out of that shithole?" Eddie lies, keeping his eyes on the road this time.

He can feel Steve's unimpressed stare as they continue down mainstreet.

"Right, so you had no clue I was in detention?"

Eddie chews the inside of his cheek to fight the sly grin that begins to creep over his face, "Alright smart ass".

He hazards another glance at Steve as they begin to hit the residential area, he looks so different from the night before.

His limbs are loose, tension free, if it weren't for the heavy bags under Steve's eyes and the nervous tap of his fingers on the passenger door, Eddie would think he was finally relaxed.

"I knew a fight definitely happened, it's Hargrove," Eddie says slowly, carefully weighing his words, "but I typically prefer to hear the whole sordid story from the source before I pass any judgements, ya know?" 

Steve doesn't say anything as they continue driving through residential  the houses getting progressively bigger as they go.

"Did you," Steve pauses and breathes out slowly before shaking his head and lifting his face to meet Eddie's gaze, "is that offer for something stronger still open?" 

Eddie smiles, "I think that can be arranged". 

***

Eddie pulls over beside Tina Cline's house, wincing as the right front tire rolls over the curb and bounces the van as it lands on the street once more, startling a snort out of Steve. 

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up Harrington," Eddie huffs as Steve shoots him a grin.

"Didn't say a word," Steve hums, unbuckling himself from the seat. Eddie watches as he opens the door and hops out. For a moment Eddie worries Steve will pull the same disappearing act from last night but he simply stops beside his car door and motions for Eddie to roll down his window. 

Eddie cracks his door open instead, "window's broken, what?" 

Steve rolls his eyes, "whatever Munson, you know the way? It's north on 5th and--"

"Then two more rights, yeah man," Eddie says with a laugh in his voice, "I dropped you off remember?" 

"Fuck off," Steve huffs out, he's grinning though.

Steve swings the Beemer’s door open and slides in. He turns on the ignition and flinches at the loud burst of music from the stereo, the volume obviously set from the mood of the previous night. 

'I want to know what love is, I want you to show me--'

Steve slams his hand against the console, cutting off the song with a harsh crack. 

The van is parked just behind the Beemer so Eddie can't see Steve's face, but his head drops down onto the wheel for just the briefest moment before he slowly lifts it, turns on his signal and pulls away from the curb. 

***

Steve beats him to the house.

He's getting out of the car, which is parked on the long driveway as Eddie pulls up to the street. 

Eddie hops out of the van, hiking his backpack higher up on his shoulders, not bothering to lock it. Who would even want his shitty van among the BMWs and Mercedes parked down this street --hell, Eddie could have sworn he saw a Jag three houses down.

Eddie stops short of the lawn. The Harrington house is so different in the light of day, the strange emptiness that seemed to ooze out of the dark windows the night before has disappeared, leaving an ordinary house in its wake. 

"Well?" Steve calls out as he pulls a pair of keys from his back pocket and spins them once on his finger, "you coming or what Munson?" 

Eddie rolls his eyes and jogs to catch up to Steve who turns on his heel to stride up the walk. He stuffs the key into the deadbolt and swings one of the double doors inwards before shucking off his sneakers.

No shoes? Fucking rich people man.

Steve must notice Eddie's expression because he blushes and shrugs, "I know, I know, but my parents will be home for Thanksgiving this year so…may as well…"

He gestures around the sterile foyer with a tight smile, as though it explains everything. 

If anything, Eddie has more questions. 

Steve cuts off the thought by clearing his throat, "we should smoke outside, last thing I need is for you to burn a hole in the couch or something".

Eddie steps over the threshold and has to stop himself from whistling, were the ceilings always this high in this place?

He lifts his foot to unlace his left chuck, snorting at the strange little table in the middle of the foyer. A giant vase sits atop it filled with a mixture of what have to be silk flowers --no way they were real. He pulls the shoe off and tosses it to the side before lifting his right foot. 

Eddie never had the greatest balance so he hops back and forth with his right foot in the air before hopping as close as he can to the wall of the foyer and leaning back against it.

He finally gets the knot in his laces undone and throws the sneaker to the floor, dropping his right foot to the hardwood.

Eddie looks up to find Steve staring with a bemused expression on his face, he ignores the wide hazel eyes and removes the backpack from his shoulders -which can't have been helping the balance issue. 

Eddie unzips the top and yanks out the trusty metal lunchbox, sliding a wicked grin into place.

"You said something about outside?"

***

By the time they've settled, facing one another on a couple of pool loungers, the sun has begun to dip low, painting the patio and empty pool a warm glowing copper. It catches Steve's hair, which shines like gold in the dying sunlight, like some Autumnal Fae King--

Eddie wants to slap himself, suddenly thankful for the November wind that cuts through the backyard, forcing him to chillout.

He picks up the grinder from his lunchbox, unscrewing the cap to open it.

"You good with a joint this evening my good King?" 

He pours a handful of a new strain Rick let him try the other day into the grinder and starts twisting. It's not something he would typically share with anyone other than Jeff, but Steve seemed like he could use something a little more special tonight.

Eddie looks up after a beat of silence, "yo, Major Tom, you with me?" 

Steve's face is pinched, tilted towards the empty pool, "please don't call me that," he says quietly.

"Major Tom?"

Steve raises his eyes to meet Eddie's gaze, his mouth cuts a hard line across his face, the typical easy grin it usually houses is gone. 

"King-Steve," he runs a hand through his hair, letting the fingers linger to grip and pull, "I just, that's not who I am anymore, I don't--"

Steve swallows harshly, "that's all anyone could talk about this morning".

He drops his voice and octave, "oh, King Steve is so pussy whipped he let his girl fuck Jonathan Byers before she dumped him".

"Is that what Hargrove said?" Eddie asks quietly as he pours out a portion of weed onto a paper.

Steve shakes his head, "that was Tommy, but that wasn't why I hit him". 

Eddie nods, and lifts the joint to his mouth to run his tongue along the edge of the paper. Steve watches him from the lounger, his eyes follow the movement before he blinks and continues.

"Tommy and I had been best friends since we were five, he uh, he knows a lot about me," Steve lifts his hand to his mouth and chews the nail of his thumb briefly before dropping it back into his lap.

"Stuff I don't tell anyone, stuff he knows will hurt". 

Eddie nods, twisting the joint closed, he can kind of understand that, although the only person in his life that knew him like that was Wayne.  

And Wayne would never hurt him. 

Did Steve really not have anyone else like that in his life, someone he could tell anything to that wouldn't look at him weird or judge him. Someone safe.

"Anyway, Hargrove started in on me after that, but he's been fucking with me for awhile so," Steve shrugs again, "he saw his big opportunity here".

"Hargrove's been messing with you?" Eddie asks sharply as he pours more weed onto another paper. He lifts it and runs his tongue along the edge of the paper before twisting it into shape. When he looks up, Steve's ears have gone slightly pink and he's sitting strangely, slightly hunched and twisted.

"Yeah," Steve says after a moment, he clears his throat and straightens his back, "yeah, it's just been at practice so far, and I thought it was just because he wanted to one up me for my spot but," he shakes his head, "it's getting worse". 

"You know, I have a bit of a reputation around school," Eddie says slowly, carefully, watching as Steve freezes and looks at Eddie with wide eyes.

"The Hellfire club is more than just the game we're playing, it's also kind of a sanctuary for kids that don't have anyone to lean on, we look after each other," Eddie continues, ignoring the way Steve relaxes slightly, "you wouldn't need to play or anything but if you need somewhere to sit at lunch now…" 

Steve looks at Eddie for a long time, his expression blank, guarded, "really? Just like that?" 

"Yeah man, besides I get to use my 'Mean and Scary Guy' persona on these fuckers so it's a win-win for me".

Steve grins, raising one skeptical eyebrow, "mean and scary?"

Eddie bristles a little bit at the questioning tone in Steve's voice and can't quite swallow the urge to snarl, "yeah I mean you looked plenty scared of the town freak yesterday". 

Steve winces and immediately starts to shake his head, inching forward in his seat so he's even closer to Eddie, their knees are almost touching.

"That's not, I wasn't," he stops and takes a deep breath, "I was upset about Nancy and it was so dark outside, the trees--"

"You afraid of the dark Harrington?" Eddie cuts him off, the lingering irritation still simmers in his voice as he coos. 

Steve just looks at him, there's something strange about the haunted expression on his face that makes the hair on the back of Eddie's arms stand on end. 

"Things happen in the dark, in the woods," Steve says softly, his eyes drift to the empty pool again. 

Eddie opens his mouth to ask Steve what the hell he means by that, when a voice shouts across the yard.

"Steve? STEVE?!" 

The sound of someone running through the grass has them both of their feet, the joints forgotten on the pool loungers. 

"Dustin?" 

A kid, he can't be more than twelve or thirteen, skids into the porchlight that has replaced the last copper rays of evening light, the sun fully set by now. The kid's blue eyes are wide underneath a mop of curly hair and hat, he's breathing hard.

"I need your help".

Tag List: @eriquin @luvinthefreaks @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @goodolefashionedloverboi @ellietheasexylibrarian @bambibiest @sadboislovebeans @howincrediblysapphicofyou @coleys-a-nerd @whycantiuseunderscore @airconditioning123 @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @corrodedbisexual @starman-jpg @ilovecupcakesandtea @yoriposts @clumsiluni @pelinelin @phantomcat94 @lololol-1234 @anaibis @airconditioning123 @steveshairspray @hellfireone @sunswathe @eddielives1986 @tentativeghost @robin-not-batman @estrellami-1 @manda-panda-monium @tinyplanet95 @perseus-notjackson

Part Five

and for some peeps that I think may be interested! @steddierthings @steddie-there @steves-strapcollection @outpastthebrakers @henderdads @stevesbipanic

[thebearer]

wait syd and willow. carm low key didn’t give syd a chance to say yes, but willows in her little high chair watching her cook and explain how to cook it, and once she’s down baby willow baby claps

"Can you watch her? I'll be two seconds." Carmen ducks his head in, propping the carrier on the table, not waiting for Sydney's response.

"Chef, wait. I-I'm not-"

"-Thank you, Chef! I'll be right back!" Carmen shouts, bounding out of the empty kitchen.

Sydney blinked at the baby, the newest Berzatto. Of course Syd had been around Willow, thought she was cute and sweet, but it was always with you or Carmen around. Never alone. That was Tina's thing, maybe even Marcus', not Sydney's. She didn't know what to do with a baby, what to do if she started crying.

Thankfully, Willow seemed content, sucking on her pacifier and giving Sydney a wide eyed gaze back at her.

"Uh, hey, Willow." Sydney said, voice lilting just a tad in a cringe high octave. She shook her head, moving back to the prep, eyes flicking from the baby back to the onions.

Willow started to whimper, a huff of a whine that had Sydney's spine straightening. Fuck, where was Carmen? Or you?

"Hey, uh, no, no, no, don't cry." Sydney pleaded. Willow seemed to relax at her voice.

Sydney briefly recalled Carmen telling Tina and Richie that Willow really liked watching him cook. Liked when he explained the recipes to her, like she understood. That you'd tease him lightly, but she loved it.

Sydney took a deep breath in, lifting up the knife. Just talk to her like you would the chefs who shadowed.

"Um, so I'm prepping the vegetables." Sydney started, feeling a little awkward, a little silly. "We're doing the chaos menu tonight, and that has this lamb sirloin type thing, and we let it marinate in a stock." Sydney's eyes flashed to Willow, who watched her contently, eyes still bright and wide, focused on her.

"Hopefully it will be good, because sometimes I let it soak too long and Carmen- your dad, gets kinda mad. Not mad, I guess, more like frustrated? I dunno, lamb's difficult, ya know? Tender so you've got to be careful with it because it absorbs-"

Willow's tiny gurgle cut Sydney off. A happy giggle around her pacifier that turned to a coo, legs kicking out in excitement.

Sydney paused, grinning gently back at the baby. "Yeah, well, I mean, it is exciting. You're right. It's cool because we got the rainbow chard in, and I'm going to make this take on collard greens out of it to pair with it. I hope it pairs good. It did when I tried it the other day." Sydney smiled when Willow laughed, a baby cackle that had her laughing too.

"You like that? Well, you probably like hearing about it, but I don't think you'd like to eat it... Maybe? I dunno, do you eat foods like that or is it still like sweet potatoes and mashed peas?" Sydney hummed, cutting the onions quickly.

"She's gotten more adventurous, but still a few more weeks until she could have the chard." You hum from the doorway, beaming with the baby bag over your shoulder.

Sydney flushed in embarrassment. "Hey, I, uh, I just... Carmen put her in here, and-and she started crying so-"

You shook your head lightly, walking over to Willow's carrier. "She liked watching you cook. I swear, she's her Daddy's child. Looks just like him too. Like, how's that fair?" You snorted lightly, fingertip tracing down the slope of Willow's nose- Carmen's nose.

"Thanks for watching her, Syd." You smiled softly. "She likes you, ya know?"

"Oh, c'mon. I-I mean, she's super cool. Like very chill to cook with. Therapeutic." Sydney muttered, grinning at Willow gently.

"She is." You nod. "Can you believe her and Teddy are related?" You snort lightly.

Sydney laughs, shaking her head. Teddy was not allowed in the kitchen, not since she snatched Carmen's knife and chased Richie. Truthfully, Sydney was rooting for her and thought the timeout Carmen gave her was unfair.

"No, I mean... they're both good kids, ya know?" Sydney shrugged lightly.

"Yeah, they are." You hum lovingly, cooing gently down at Willow. "I'll take her to Carm's office, but thank you-"

"-Oh, you know, you can just leave her here with me if you want." Sydney offered. Your brows shot up in surprise, and truthfully, Sydney was surprised herself. "I mean, if you have something to do. I know you've gotta place the orders and stuff, so I can watch her while you do that."

"Are you sure?" You asked carefully.

"Yeah, no problem. I was just explaining lamb." Sydney joked. "It's kinda therapeutic, really."

"Told you." Carmen quipped, holding Teddy upside down, dodging her kicking feet and shrills. "Helps you work through recipes. Wills' gonna have a Michelin star by nine, just you wait."

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head at him. "Don't get her crazy, Berzatto. You're gonna deal with her." You glared at him, blushing at the grin he gave you, pressing a kiss to Teddy's cheek while she squirmed and giggled loudly.

You rolled your eyes lightly, thumb running over Willow's soft cheek. "I'll be in the office if you need me, alright? Thank you."

"No problem." Sydney smiled softly, watching you shut the door to the office muffling Teddy's screech. Sydney looked back over at Willow, putting the freshly chopped prep into the container. "Anyways, so now we gotta get the marinate going with the stock...."

[thesoftestpunk]

Will you be mine?

Summary: your crush is starting to become something more

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Word count: 6.3k

A/N: This took for-fucking-ever, I'm sorry. I had a 5 month writers block

Warnings: Minors DNI!! If I find out you read this, I'm calling your mom. Lots of making out, dumb sex jokes, first time, smut, oral, piv sex, virgin!Eddie idk if I missed something lemme know. Also reader can honestly be read as plus size. I try to be inclusive.

Pt.1

When Eddie truly saw you for the first time, you were actually giving Dustin directions to the theater department, already late to swim practice, but you nodded along to his excited ramblings about joining Hellfire. You wished all three freshmen good luck and when you passed by Eddie, you smiled. Not even a half-assed, polite smile, but a full one. It’s so out of the ordinary for him that he just gawkes at you with wide eyes until your smile falters a fraction, and you move on. 

It’s been two years since you’ve moved into town, so he’s seen you around school before, but it’s the closest your worlds came to colliding, and in response to that, you smiled. Most people turned their noses up at the sight of him but the harder he thought about it, you never did. Not in two whole years. Even when his hair went through a terrible awkward phase. 

It set his curiosity in motion, unintentionally looking for you any chance he got. It was easiest in class, stuck in the back by choice, but that meant no one was looking at him looking at you. You sat with your friends any chance you got, devoted yourself to them, but anytime they made a snide comment, he saw you withdraw just the slightest bit, eyes drifting and frown deepening. Eddie never liked it when you frowned. In fact, anytime he could tell you were having a bad day, eyes burning with tears, he’d act like a fool in class. At first, you remained nonchalant, eyes drifting like they did with your friends, but the first time he got you to laugh, his heart felt too big for his chest. 

“Again?” Gareth teased when he caught Eddie drooling over you instead of the worksheet in front of him that only displayed the addition of his crooked name and nothing else. 

“I think I like her, man.” Eddie tries to keep his voice low. If anyone caught wind that he liked someone so high on the social ladder, he’d be eaten alive. The teasing over his hobbies he could take, but getting his heart caught on his sleeve and then stomped on made him nervous. 

“You should just ask her out.” Gareth says it so nonchalantly that Eddie can’t help but scoff.

“She’s friends with Christina Whitlock, wannabe cheerleader. She’s worse than Carver and his goons. I’m not going to put myself on the chopping block willingly.” 

“It’s either you ask her out or suffer in silence.” 

Eddie looks at you sitting in the front of the classroom, smiling at something you’ve been told, and his heart sinks a little. 

Then everything shifted after you sat next to him in English that day your friends seemed to be making fun of him about something. At first he thought you did it because you felt guilty, but when you seemed genuinely curious about his tattoos, he let his guard down. Which seemed to backfire pretty quickly. He had to endure hearing you say you didn’t like him, not once, but twice.

When he had lost all hope, you invited him to the pool. He almost didn't go, fully expecting you to turn him down politely, explaining that you were only being nice out of obligation, but none of that happened. When you had expressed your shared feelings for Eddie, he felt unadulterated joy. That was until he kissed you, and it seeped out of his skin, unable to be contained any further. Now, he got to walk hand in hand with you down the halls of the school, giving each other knowing looks when Tina stared the two of you down like she couldn’t believe you would have the audacity to hold hands. 

You always initiated the pda, and he shook off the nerves just to feel the soft skin of your palm against his. He kissed you in private, not wanting any chance of a moment ruined. But you can’t seem to get any privacy for anything more than making out. You’ve come close to the idea of more but that’s all it seems to be. An idea. It’s a lot of getting interrupted in your bed, Eddie’s hand just having slid underneath your underwear and one of you freezing at the sound of the front door. You always proceed to hiss out ‘shit. Someone’s home,’ before the two of you scramble to get decent and when, nine times out of ten, your mother checks on you, you pretend to be studying. 

Despite his -albeit joking- begging, you refuse the idea to do it in his van.

“I’m a bit of a romantic,” you argue. “So I don’t want our first time to be in the back of your smelly van.”

“Okay, it won’t be there.” He promises, bringing your knuckles to his lips. “It’ll be up front.”

You shove him off of you as he laughs maniacally, now beside you on your bed. Taking your childhood stuffed rabbit, you whack him in the shoulder playfully, and he catches it quickly. 

“How dare you use miss hoppity as a weapon!” He teases further. 

“Oh, you’re in for it now, Munson.” 

He screams dramatically when you roll over on him and attack his neck in rapid kisses, making him uncontrollably giggle. He had warned you he was ticklish in some parts, and you quickly learned where for your own personal enjoyment. 

“Uncle! Uncle!” He gasps out between bouts of laughter, even though he loved the feeling of your plush lips against his neck. His beautiful neck that left your mouth watering and legs clenching at the sheer thickness of it. Just more space to place kisses. There’s a moment when he’s calming and you’ve placed both hands on his stomach, neither worrying about your mother coming to check up on the commotion you just caused. You feel him harden underneath you, just like every time you get pulled onto his lap. He can’t help it. The way your legs spread just for him, and how your shoulders relax with ease gets him going. 

“What?” You whisper when he just continues to stare like you’ve told him he’s won the lottery. 

“I haven’t taken you on a proper date, have I?” As he asks, his smile turns downward at the sudden realization. 

“No, but I don’t mind.” You trace a finger from the back of his jaw to his chin and give a little pinch. “I like this time together. Just us.”

“Well, I’d be a terrible–” the words get caught in his throat as he almost says the big word. Boyfriend. Neither of you had broached the subject, and maybe that’s why he’s brought up the fact that he hasn’t taken you out. Whatever this relationship was, he was afraid he was going about everything in the wrong way. He should have taken you out before even kissing you, if any romantic driven book he’s read has told him. “-guy if I didn’t.”

“Okay,” you ignore his fumble, bumping your nose into his. “Take me out then.” You flatten your chest to him to feel the rumble of his victorious laughter, but then you remember where you are, and your bedroom door is open fully. “We need to get up before the guard does her rounds.”

You untangle yourself from him, giggling as he has to adjust himself if your mom actually does make an appearance. 

“This Friday, sweetheart. I’m picking you up at seven o’clock, sharp.”

“I look forward to it.”

***

Eddie says he would still rather not be seen at any school event, but he shows up to your swim practice, fulfilling his promise of being in the closest spot on the bleachers as he’s allowed. He drives you home from every practice, bragging about you to you. It’s selfishly endearing listening to the way he talks about how proud he is of you for how talented you are. The rest of the girls on the team didn’t understand his insistence on catching at least the last ten minutes. Usually he would be meeting with hellfire, but he would try and make it just to cheer you on, even if he was explicitly told not to by your coach. 

“He was here again today.” you hear Christina whisper to one of the girls. “I’m starting to think it’s not just for Y/N.”

“What do you mean?” She asks innocently.

“I mean… it’s kinda pervy, right?” 

“Ugh, totally.” Another agrees. 

A chill runs down your spine at the idea of that rumor spreading. Something in you snaps as you slam your locker door shut before turning to see their shocked faces. 

“Eddie is a gentleman,” you glare at Tina. “I don’t care that you all think I’m a freak too, now that I’m dating him, but you need to remember I’m co-captain. Keep his name out of your mouth, and if I hear any sort of disrespect about him, you’re doing drills until you puke.” 

“You’re only co-captain because you’re the coach's niece.” Christina crosses her arms defensively. 

“The only reason I’m not captain is because of nepotism. He didn’t want you whining all the time, but I work my ass off harder than anyone in this room. You could stand to be a little more humble, Tina, considering how slow you were today.” Your hands shake as everyone looks back and forth between you and Christina like they’re at a tennis match, just waiting for a full on cat fight to break out. “So, do you understand me?”

The locker room is silent as you stare down Christina, challenging her to retort back, but she actually looks flustered and nods. It has the others nodding along in a chorus of agreement. There’s no more chit chat as the girls rush to finish getting dressed. You’re one of the first few to leave, leftover anger and adrenaline making you stomp on your way out. That is until you see Eddie and feel your whole body relax. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says his usual greeting. 

Sudden tears burn your eyes as you rush forward to tackle him in a hug, causing him to stumble backwards a couple of steps. He chuckles, arm coming around your middle as he assumes you’re just that excited to see him. A sniffle gives you away immediately. 

“Hey,” he says softly, pulling away to look at you. His eyebrows draw together in concern as he looks you over, hands on either side of your face to inspect closely. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, yes, I just-“ you wipe your nose with your sleeve, feeling yourself get small. It’s the first time he’s seen you cry, and you don’t want to make him worry about why. “It’s stupid. Can you just take me home?”

“You can tell me.” His thumb moves back and forth over your cheek. 

“Eds,” you let out a wet laugh. “I’m fine.” To prove this, you give him a kiss. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“Alright,” he eyes you warily, and even the door to the locker room, but wraps an arm around your shoulder to walk out with you. 

You’re sour for the rest of the week, not even indulging in teasing Tina about your relationship publicly. Eddie knows you’re in a mood, but he has no idea why. He tries everything he can think of; jokes, the little kisses on your collar bones that make you smile, and more jokes, but you just seem lost in your own world. For a moment, he worries you’re tired of him already and the pressure of being seen with him has become too overwhelming, and for his own sanity, he does some digging. 

It takes bribing four different people. One offer to deal at a party sends him to  Andrew Rickman,  who gets some weed for a huge discount, to send Eddie to his girlfriend, Jessica Armstrong who finally sends him to Janice Freedman and a promise to pass along her phone number to Gareth, and he’s sure he’s figured it out. 

On Friday’s you swim on your own. Eddie knows to leave you be for an hour before entering the pool house to catch you just as you’re towel drying your hair. He doesn’t like wandering the halls to risk getting yelled at, so he waits in his van, blasting music while smoking a joint. 

“Have a good swim?” His arms wrap around your waist from behind, the smell of chlorine invading his nose. 

“Mmhm,” you hum, melting into his hold. You had pushed yourself to relieve the frustration because you didn’t want to ruin Eddie’s date plan. 

“Just ‘mmhm?’” He copied your tone, slowly placing kisses along your shoulder, and up toward your neck. 

“You know you’re not supposed to be in here.” You remind him, voice stern, but he knows there isn’t any anger behind it. 

“Got away with it last time didn’t I?” He spins you around by your hips, making you wonder what’s suddenly gotten him in this mood. Eddie captures your lips, pulling your body flush against his, and tips your head back to deepen the kiss. It leaves you breathless immediately with how desperate it feels. 

“Eddie,” you sigh when he breaks it to move to your neck once more. His ring covered hand slides up your side, cupping your breast and giving a squeeze. It’s a shame he didn’t show up sooner or he could’ve done this when you were wearing nothing but a towel. “Seriously? Here?” 

“No,” he snorts, trying to behave. “I’m a gentleman.” 

“Not with that poking me in the thigh.” 

Before he gets the chance to laugh, someone is clearing their throat, making the two of you jump apart. Tina looks to the side, looking more than embarrassed by the obvious bulge in Eddie’s pants, and your kiss stained lips. 

“T-Tina,” you step in front of Eddie for his sake. “What, uh, what are you doing here?” 

“I signed up for extra practice time.” For the first time, Tina seems small, almost afraid to admit she needed the extra time in the water. “Guys aren’t allowed in the girls locker room, Munson.” 

“I’ll wait outside.” Stiffly, he leans forward to give you a quick kiss on the cheek from behind before rushing out. 

“Sorry,” you apologize before she can berate you for it. “I thought we were alone.”

And strange enough, she doesn’t. 

“I used to sign up for the latest slot so Declan and I could be alone when we first started dating.” She opens up her locker in search of her suit. “Just don’t go making a habit of it. Coach nearly tore my head off. Can’t imagine what he’d do to his niece.” 

“Right,” you laugh sheepishly, but catch a glimpse of the Tina you became friends with two years ago. “Thanks.” 

“Don’t thank me yet.” She hardens once again. “You’re doing drills for getting caught.”

You sigh. Tough Tina was back. 

“Aye aye captain.” 

After you rush out, tail between your legs, you smack Eddie in the shoulder with the sleeve of your hoodie. He flinched back like it hurt, but the smile completely gave him away. 

“You dingus!” You try to keep your voice down, but the shrill tone still echoes around the building. 

“Ow!” He laughs more than he does whine. “I can’t appreciate you for sticking up for me?”

“What?” You stop winding up for another smack. 

“I heard what you did for me.” He wraps an arm around your back, pulling you close so he has to speak quietly. “No one’s ever stuck for me like that before.” 

“Well, I- I was just being honest…” your cheeks burn at the way he looks down at you, one corner of his lips tugging up. 

“Mm, well, I find your honesty extremely hot.” 

“We can not get caught by Tina again.” As much as you wanted to reciprocate his appreciation, you weren’t looking forward to extra punishment for making her endure another shared kiss between you and eddie. “You need to take me home so I can get ready for our date.”

“What’re you gonna wear?” 

“Only if you tell me where we’re going but it’s—“

“A surprise,” he finishes for you.

***

Eddie shows up at your door on time for once. He isn’t allowed to pick you up for school, or else you’d be chronically late for first period. He had told you to dress casual, but you can’t help but grab your short tan pleated skirt to match your white shirt with extended shoulders and a jean fabric vest. (A jest if you will). To top it all off, you wear your favorite beat up sneakers and ankle socks scrunched down. When you hear the knock, your heart skips a beat and you take down the hall, shouting at your parents that you’ll get the door. Your dad beats you to it on purpose, but he’s already met Eddie. They were uncertain at first, but Eddie was polite and followed your house rules. To an extent. It was all a front, and you knew it killed him just a little, but he also knew if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to date you. 

He takes you to a local restaurant, nothing fancy, but also not cheap. you love it either way. It never really mattered what the two of you did together, as long as you were doing it together. He’s a bit quiet as you eat, eyes scanning the room, but after you get him to loosen up, he acts like he owns the place. He leans back in his seat, arm thrown over the back as he heavily flirts with you, not even wondering if the other patrons are staring or not.

“Sorry,” Eddie mumbles while fumbling with the crumbled bills when he pays. You know he doesn’t have a traditional job, selling drugs to help his uncle with expenses, and it makes you wonder how much extra he had to sell just to take you here. There’s a pause as he calculates if there’s enough for a tip before slapping the money down and smiling at you to wave off your worry. 

“Eddie?” You gently take his hand after he’s pulled out of the parking lot. “Did you- you know you didn’t have to take me somewhere that nice, right? I would’ve been fine if you made me, like, chef boyardee at your trailer.”

“I gotta make my girl feel special sometimes, right?” He flashes you that confident smile and brings your hand up to place a kiss on your knuckles. There’s a tug in your stomach when he calls you ‘my girl’ and you bite your bottom lip to stave off your sheepish grin. “Plus, the night’s not over yet. I got one more thing for you.”

You aren’t sure what to expect, but when he pulls up in front of his trailer, you feel a bit of a relief. Not because you don’t like being out in public with Eddie, you do, but you constantly worry about someone making a rude comment his way and upsetting him. In the time you’ve known him, though, the insults seem to roll off his back pretty easily, and you’re unsure how he does it. Every insult repeats in your mind for hours after. 

“Give me five minutes.” Eddie leans over to give you a quick kiss on the lips. 

“What, gotta hide all your cum socks before I go in?”

“I’ve got some class.” Eddie’s breath tickles your lips as he doesn’t lean back just yet. “I washed them yesterday.” 

As he gets out of the van, you laugh to yourself, even when he’s unlocking the door and disappearing inside. You stay inside the vehicle, only unbuckling your seatbelt and glance outside the window. The openness of the area combined with how dark it is leaves you a little unsettled. It’s eerily quiet, and you can tell even with the windows rolled up. A lone cricket and distant barking seems to be the only noise going on around. Turning by your torso, you see there isn’t much to the back of his van, bits of carpet pulling up here and there along the seams, a guitar case covered in stickers similar to what’s on his jackets, and ashtrays with cigarette butts and half smoked joints. There’s a rug thrown in the middle, probably to cover a stain or his attempt to class things up. A sharp knock startled you out of observing the burnt orange and red curves and sharp corners. 

“You okay there?” Eddie teases after opening the passenger door for you. 

“It’s scary as shit out here.” You take his outstretched hand and hop out of the van. “It’s way too quiet.”

“Let me lead you to safety, princess.”

Inside, the trailer is lit by the dim lamp in the corner of the living area, but mostly by the scattered candles along random surfaces leading toward his bedroom. The low lighting flickers off the reflection in the mugs lined along the shelves, and shadows dancing along the walls. Eddie leads you down the short hallway before you can even comment on his romantic decor. You’ve gotten a peek of his bedroom in past visits, but the two of you usually would hang out on the couch, so you know he’s tidied it up for you. There’s still plenty of clutter along his dresser and desk, but his floor is clean from any clothes or trash strewn about. 

He stops you at the end of his bed, your calves brushing against the sheets hanging over the side. Slowly, he brings up your hand to place a kiss on the back of your palm, causing you to shudder. A smile grows on his face and you can see it despite your hand being in the way. He lets go to drag the vest off of your shoulders and when it registers in your mind that he wants it off, you move with him, his face getting close to yours when he has to help your fumbling hands through the holes. You’ve been kissed by him a dozen times but when he dips his chin up to connect your lips, your skin burns in a want you’ve never felt before, as if he’s kissing you for the first time. You both move in sync, dipping down onto the bed, and not breaking contact until he’s hovering over you, delight making his features glow, but you can see the small bit of insecurity in his eyes while he seems to gather up his nerves. 

“Will you be mine?” It’s quiet, intimate, barely above a whisper, but leaves his voice graveling deep enough to send a jolt up your spine. “My girl? Each second with you…” he trails off, shaking his head as his lips split into a grin. “It’s a piece of gold, sweetheart. I want you to be mine.” 

“I-“ you huff out a laugh, his bangs moving with the small gust of air. “I thought I already was. Have been since you kissed me.” 

If his grin could get any bigger, it just did, and his body relaxes, his weight heavier on top of you. The next kiss he gives you is all teeth and tongue, before he calms and kisses you proper. Kisses you like you’ve never been kissed before, his lips and the gentle swipe of his tongue erasing all the others that came before. Your giggle is muffled into his mouth, trying to pull him closer than he already was, but there wasn’t any room left. If you could find it within yourself to let go of his shirt, he could be pressed firmly against you, but then you would just want his shirt off, skin to skin, only for that to still not be enough. 

A small moan from you escapes into his mouth when he grinds his hips down into yours, butterflies erupting in your stomach as he does so. His large hands slide up your hips, your shirt coming up with them, and up your ribs until he’s exposed your chest. You hadn’t even bothered with a bra, not entirely expecting the night to go this far. His eyes widen at the surprise, and his cheeks go pink like he’s never had the pleasure of being inches from any pair of tits. Especially a pair like yours, beautiful and on display just for him. His mouth wraps around your right nipple, his teeth sinking into the perked up flesh, and a pained squeak falls past your lips, the sharp sting only working you up more. As an apology, he releases your nipple to swipe his tongue over it in circles, while his other hand cups your other breast, giving it a perfect squeeze. His lips move down, alternating between kisses and biting the soft flesh of your stomach until he’s positioned between your thighs. Looking up, as if asking permission, to which you nod vigorously in agreement, his hands wrap around your legs to rest them on the top of your thighs, fingers digging into the meat as he kisses the inside of your thighs. You can’t help but squirm when he pushes up the fabric of your skirt with his left hand, the one with all the chunky rings, and leaves it there to rest and places one single kiss on your clothed pussy. 

A broken whimper from you gets him into motion, removing his hand from the thigh for a brief moment, moving your panties to the side and licking up you slowly. Eager, he burrows down, his tongue swirling around your clit, nose pressed against your pubic bone, not minding the scratch of the coarse hair. In desperation to hold onto something to steady your uncontrollable squirming and maybe to just find a grip of reality while your mind floats into a high, your hand falls on his that kneads the flesh of your stomach. The lumpy metal digs into your palm, the pain bringing you further back to reality. His mouth, his hands, his heat leaves you for a moment, looking up to the panting mess that you are, and you whine at the lack of touch. One by one, Eddie removes the large jewelry while maintaining eye contact and tosses them to the side before slowly laying back down on his stomach. Slowly his eyes land on your drenched pussy, and you’d feel uncomfortable if it weren’t for the hunger in his eyes. 

“Wait,” you breathe out. Removing the spare scrunchie from your wrist, you sit up to gather all of his hair quickly, apologizing when your fingers get tangled in the curls, and put it all into a messy bun. You don’t even get to soak up the image of his hair being held by something of yours before he’s gently laying you back down, and his mouth returns to his previous work.

His heavy hands hold your already trembling thighs apart. A hesitant finger hovers near your wet entrance, sliding in slowly. You sigh in relief until he experimentally strokes your core, breath caught in your throat and back arching slightly off the bed. Pleading words, begging breaths, you want for more of his hefty fingers inside you, stretching you out for what you expect to be more later. He complies easy, tongue and fingers moving in sync faster, enjoying every moan that falls past your lips. His name is whined out on repeat, each one raising in tone and intensity along with the pressure in your stomach. He laps up the mess you make as you clench around his fingers and fall over the edge for the first, but not final, time of the night. Soft kisses with the intention of being soothing are scattered along your thighs and stomach as his soaked fingers rub your overstimulated clit, letting you catch your breath as you ride the high just a moment longer.

“Fuck,” you huff, a dazed smile following. “Where’d you learn to do that?”

Eddie moves so he’s hovering over you, chin glistening with his work. “Fantasy novels.”

“No, seriously.” With your thumb, you wipe the wetness off of his chin for him. There’s a beat of silence and you realize he isn’t joking. “Wait, seriously?”

“Well… yeah.” 

You sit both of you up, scooting up his mattress until your back touches the wall. There’s the pull of rejection in his chest the further you move away, the absence of your touch and the distance between the two of you sends a message that you don’t want to go further anymore. 

“But you-” you pause, adjusting your shirt so it isn’t exposing your chest. “You… you’re you.”

“That’s the problem, apparently.” The defeat in his voice makes you wince in regret. 

“No, I mean… you’re in a metal band and-” you almost don’t say it. “And I’ve heard… y’know.”

“That I’ll give a discount for putting out?” Amusement flickers in his eyes at that particular rumor. “Okay, I let one girl give me a handy, but that’s it. I’m a massive virgin otherwise.”

“Oh.” Your voice is small, going quiet so you can process what he’s told you. “Well, if you aren’t comfortable we don’t have to.”

“I set up the place for that purpose.” your stomach twists at the image of him excitedly getting ready, lighting the candles to set the mood all with the cute little smile he gets. “Unless you…”

“I’m not.” You almost feel bad for admitting it, but you didn’t regret losing your virginity to someone else. He didn’t seem jealous, just understanding. “And I wouldn’t mind.”

Eddie’s smile grows. “Good ‘cause I bought an entire box of condoms.” Leaning over, he pulls out the comically large box from his bedside table. 

“Were you expecting a sex marathon?” You gawk. 

“That’d be ideal.” 

You shut him up by swiftly removing your shirt and tossing it in his face. He’s quick to pull it off and toss it to the side, but you’re quicker in moving forward, hands falling on his shoulders and pushing him down so he’s on his back. If his hair were loose, you’d be distracted by the halo it created around his bed, but it isn’t. Instead it’s already fighting the scrunchie, his bangs falling down in sparse strands, making him look more innocent than he ever has. Crawling into his lap, you take care in placing yourself directly on his growing hard-on. His hands slide up your thighs to your waist, gripping tightly while you run yours up the entirety of his torso. A couple tugs on the fabric is your way of asking him to sit up enough so you can take it off. Immediately, your eyes land on the one tattoo you haven't had the pleasure of looking at for longer than a few seconds, and slowly you take in the small patch of hair in the middle of his chest. What gets your mouth watering is the thicker patch leading down underneath his jeans. On his back, you can see the peaks of his hip bones leading down to the short valley to his happy trail.

You drag your nails over the thicker patch of hair, smiling to yourself at his sharp intake of air, the upward tilt of his chin from your peripheral, working him up to squirm just as much as you had. He’s a whimpering mess while you only touch him anywhere besides the one place he wants. Desperate, he moves your hips for you, begging for any amount of friction. Almost defiantly, you scoot back, sitting on his thighs instead, and he huffs indignantly. You smirk, bite your bottom lip to keep from smiling fully at his pouting.

“Please,” he begs breathless, hips jutting into the air despite no available pressure from your weight. 

Giving in, you unbutton his jeans, finding the way they pop open satisfying, and tug slowly on his zipper. You can perfectly see the outline of his dick through his tight boxer briefs. You want to take your time, slowly pull his jeans off first and then his underwear, but that flies out of the window when you see just how girthy he is. You don’t undress him in any manner, running the palm of your hand up his length, a long moan filling the room. Leaning down, you kiss his stomach, his muscles jolting in surprise. You slip your hand past the waistband, fingertips brushing against the tip, already dripping at your light touch. Experimentally, you give a light squeeze when you’ve wrapped your hand fully around him. Using his pre-cum as aid, you start slow, his moans coming from deep in his chest. Slowly, you start increasing your speed, dropping kisses along his skin when he seems to get too quiet. 

“Baby, you gotta stop,” Eddie pants. You pull away completely, confusion and hurt covering your features. “No, no,” he takes your face between his hands. “I’m just gonna explode if you keep touching me like that, and I’m not quite finished with you yet.” 

You pause, blink once as heated shock covers your body over the realization. You almost made him cum too fast. Pride fills your chest, and you aren’t sure if it’s a bad feeling to have, but he returns your sheepish smile by grabbing a condom from the box. With fascination, you watch him as he rolls it on, not having had the luxury of witnessing this part. It was too dark or too quick before. There’s a bit of a struggle and you reach out to help but stop yourself, not wanting to take over. 

“Got it,” he smiles. 

“And you’re sure you want to��?” You aren’t afraid, but this is new to him. You don’t want him to be afraid. Everything should be perfect, though you know nothing ever is. 

“Do you?”

“Of course, Ed’s.” Running a hand down his chest to his stomach, to land on his strained cock, you give a reassuring smile. Before you climb back in his lap, he helps you out of your underwear, watching the way you smoothly throw a leg over him and line yourself up expertly without even looking. Raising your brows to wordlessly ask one more time, he answers by resting his hands on your hips, eyes never leaving yours. As you sink slowly down, there’s the familiar burning stretch that causes you to whimper, even more by his girth, but it’s all covered up by his moans. You bottom out, wiggling experimentally while he adjusts to the feeling.

And then you start moving your hips.

Slow at first, grinding your pussy into him, his head falling back onto the mattress and eyes squeezing shut. If he had any nails, they’d be digging into your skin, leaving crescents behind to remind you of this moment later, but his fingers are dull, pushing and pulling you into a perfect rhythm. Leaning down, you press kisses and soft bites onto his neck, your tits flat against his chest and moving with every desperate thrust he gives into you. You support yourself by your forearms, stopping your movements and letting him fuck himself into you. He’s a beautiful flustered mess when you look at him. He opens his eyes just a sliver to catch your smile. 

“Feel good?” You ask, voice soft.

“Mm-hm.” He can’t even speak, brows furrowed together roughly. “‘M gonna—“

“Go ahead.” You place a kiss on his pulse point, swallowing your moans as he thrusts harder, hitting your g-spot. His arms wrap around your waist holding you still, his hips becoming more erratic. “C’mon baby,” you coo. 

“Fuck,” he breathes out, giving a few good thrusts before his hips stutter. You give him a moment to catch his breath, the only sound in the room being his panting. 

Leaning back, you smother his face in kisses, feeling his laughter vibrate underneath your chest. 

“Hey,” you say semi-serious, his soft eyes meeting yours. “You did great.”

“I sure hope so.” He finally slides out of you and you whine in indignation, missing the feeling of him already. 

“You did.” You insist. 

There’s this moment where he almost looks like he believes you and you get this warm mushy feeling in your chest at the realization that you’ve had your first time together. Not in the back of his van but in a lovingly decorated trailer with zero chances of being interrupted. To top it all off, you’re also officially his girlfriend. 

“Sweetheart?” He breaks you out of your revere. “Kinda need you off of me to get this thing off.”

“And then we cuddle.”

He smiles. “And then we cuddle.” 

Rolling onto your back, you realize you’ve still got your skirt on, laughing to yourself as you take it off. You look around and find a shirt, unsure of whose it could be, and slip it on, watching Eddie walk out of the room despite promising to get back in bed. A moment later, he returns with a damp rag, gently spreading your legs and cleaning you up the best he knows how.

“I got it, thank you.” You take it from him gently, getting the spots he couldn’t and hand it back. He immediately tosses it behind his shoulder, hoping it lands in his laundry basket. “Eddie, gross.” 

“No time, my dear.” He crawls in right behind you, pulling his comforter over the both of you so you don’t end up cold. His nose nuzzles into the back of your neck, lips leaving soft kisses on the top of your spine. 

“I can’t sleep over,” you remind him, eyelids already feeling heavy.

“I know.”

“My dad wants me back before midnight.”

“I know.”

A hand snakes over your side, wrapping around your middle to pull you flush into his chest. He breathes you in, the smell of your honey shampoo tingling his senses. 

“Eddie?” 

“Hm?” He sounds sleepy and you know you’re in trouble. 

“We can officially do it in your van, now.”

“Finally,” he teases. 

Tag list: @hesvoid3434 @jane-ways @akiratoro420 @ali-r3n @stupid-infinity (there were a couple of you it wouldn't let me tag, sorry <;3)

[noforkingclue]

Bestie, I just saw the Calvin Klein ad for JAW, and he got me thirsty for some Carmy. I'm thinking childhood friend he was head over heels for before he left and never told them. friend comes to the Bear and something cute occurs?

idk bestie my brain just fried itself coming up with just that, message me if you want more info and I'll pull something out of my ass

Note: requests are currently close

Ugh, same! That ad was certainly something!

I hope you like the fic :)

Title: Reunion

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites. @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee

It felt strange coming back to the restaurant after so many years staying away from it. You popped in occasionally after Mike’s suicide but it never really felt the same. You hadn’t really been a regular since Carmy left (not that he was ever in the restaurant that often) but now you had a reason to come back. You smiled as you walked through the doors and into the familiar restaurant, however you couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness. You really shouldn’t have stayed away for so long.

“Oi, y/n, where the fuck have you been?”

The lunch rush had died down and you beamed at Richie who was behind the counter. He gave you an unimpressed look but you could see the amusement in his eyes.

“Missed me?” you asked teasingly

“Fuck no.”

“Then I guess I’m not welcome here.”

“You don’t get to leave this fucking quickly. Not after being away for so fucking long.”

Richie practically pushed you into a seat and you rolled your eyes teasingly. Maybe you shouldn’t have stayed away for so long. You looked over your shoulder as you heard the door slam open.

“What the fuck- y/n?”

Ah. And there was the reason why you decided to visit again. Carmy was staring at you wide eyed. You smiled softly and stood up.

“Heya Carm.”

“Y/n… you’re here… I thought…”

The colour started to rise to Carmy’s cheeks and you stood up and walked over to him. He seemed mildly startled and stumbled back.

“I’ve got to, y’know, go to the kitchen. Start cooking.”

Carmy practically ran into the kitchen and you couldn’t help but feel deflated. You had always been too afraid to tell him your feelings and when he went away you knew your chance had been lost. You had tried to move on (emphasis on tried) but seeing Carmy again ignited all your old feelings. You went back to your table and slumped into your seat. Well, that certainly cleared things up about Carmy’s feelings towards you.

What you didn’t know was that Carmy was having a similar dilemma in the back. Syd stood in front of the door to his office. She folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at him.

“What’s going on out there.” she said

“Nothing.”

“Didn’t look like nothing.”

“Cousin here was always fucking in love with y/n out there,” Richie said as he slung an arm over Carmy’s shoulders, “but he didn’t have the fucking balls to tell her before he left.”

“I wasn’t in love with her,” Carmy snapped, shrugging Richie’s arm off of him, “she was a friend.”

“But he always wanted it to be more.” said Richie

“No I fucking didn’t!”

“Well y/n certainly did,” Tina said from the kitchen, “you never noticed the looks she kept giving you.”

When nobody responded Tina looked up from her chopping. Richie was giving Carmy an amused and smug look while Syd looked intrigued, clearly wanting to hear more. The colour had drained from Carmy’s face and he was looking paler than usual.

“What?” Tina said, “It was fucking obvious.”

“I didn’t know.” said Carmy weakly

“‘Course you fucking didn’t.” Tina said rolling her eyes

“Then now’s your fucking chance,” said Richie, “to stop your fucking pining.”

“I don’t pine.” snapped Carmy

“Well maybe now would be a good time to-” started Syd

“I have work to do,” said Carmy, “we have the dinner rush- hey, what the fuck are you doing!”

Richie grabbed Carmy and practically pushed him out of the kitchen. You looked up when Carmy stumbled out. An awkward silence settled between you and you thought that Carmy was going to run away again. Instead he took a deep breath and went over to you and sat down opposite you. You smile gently at him but Carmy was looking down at the table.

“So,” you said, “long time no see.”

“Yeah.”

“I missed you.”

“I…”

Carmy cut himself off, unable to tell you how he really felt. You pursed your lips but didn’t press the issue. You knew Carmy too well to push him too far.

“Not in the kitchen then?” you asked

“No I-”

Carmy ran a hand over his face. He couldn’t exactly tell you that he was forced out here. How he really wanted to be here with you but didn’t know if he could do it.

“To tell you the truth,” you said, “I’m glad you’re out here.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. I-”

This time it was you who cut off mid sentence. You tried to find the right words as Carmy looked up slowly, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“I wanted to catch up.” you finished lamely, the courage you had originally felt disappearing

“Catch up?”

“Well, among other things.” you muttered, face hot

“Such as?”

“Oh you know.”

“Would you like to get dinner?”

You looked at Carmy wide eyed and even he seemed shocked at his outburst.

“Only if you want,” he said, retreating back into his shell slightly, “If not just forget I said anything.”

“Yes,” you said quickly, “Yes I do.”

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

It took Carmy a second to realise what you had said. In a flash he was on his feet and offering you his hand which, much to his surprise, you took.

“Shall we go somewhere else,” he said, “I don’t think we’ll get complete privacy here.”

You glanced over at the kitchen and immediately heard people running back into the kitchen. You heard the familiar yelling of Richie and smiled.

“Sounds like a plan.”

[toxic3mmy]

prompt: you and alex hate each other but one night of your sleep talking changes everything

warning: slight mature content

________________________________________

ever since anyone could remember, you and alex hated one another.

the first time you met, he thought you were an annoying pick me, which you definitely were so far from. and you saw alexis as an arrogant prick who only thinks of himself.

the two of you had mutual friends, which was very ironic given how much you couldn’t stand one another.

your friends always ran into the issue where they couldn’t even get the two of you in the same room. it caused plenty of issues for the two of you to be together and so they settled on either not inviting the both of you at all, or the guys sticking together and the girls doing the same. but of course, the entire friend group wanted you guys to finally hash things out so they could all be together.

it was the end of spring and your mutual friends, minx, tina, rubius, and luzu decided that they’d cook up a plan to enjoy the first week of summer together even if you and alex didn’t get along.

the girls would bring the idea up to you, as the boys would to alex, and only mention that all the others would be joining you all in mexico for a few days without mentioning you or alex to the other. they would then say that there’d be three hotel rooms and you would have your own room. alex would also be told that he would be in his own room but in reality, your friends would have you and alex share a room while the others paired up. they all just really hoped that you guys could get to know each other better and maybe then you could all hangout comfortably without worrying about the tension between you and alex.

so it was set. the guys would take a flight an hour earlier than the girls and you all would meet up at the hotel.

it took no longer than a few hours to get to the airport and you were just ready to shower and sleep and visit the beach the next day.

you all finally arrived at the hotel and met with the boys in the lobby. immediately, you saw that annoying ass beanie and you already knew that alex was here too.

“why didnt you tell me alex was coming?” you whispered to tina

she simply shrugged and smiled nervously

“..and yeah, those are the plans for the week. so, any questions before we go to our rooms?” rubius asked as he went through the plans for the trip

“why is she here?”

“why is he here?”

both you and alex said almost in unison

“well.. we all just wanted to be together. and speaking of, y/n and alex you guys will be sharing a hotel room. we’re all hoping you guys can get the chance to get to know each other and get along for once.”

you and alex were silent. you both just wanted to please your friends so you agreed and all headed to your hotel rooms. you and alex were left alone as you walked side by side to your shared room.

“you’re gonna be one annoying roommate during this trip, aren’t you?” alex broke the awkward silence trying to be funny

“can you not.. its bad enough that i have to be in one of the nicest places in mexico but im forced to share a room with you?? like gross..” i rolled my eyes at him

“and you seriously think i want to deal with you for the next few days? this is going to be miserable” he replied

“ditto, bitch” i scoffed

“well, you really are going to be a huge pain in my ass you know??” alex continued to poke at me

“you’re no ray of fucking sunshine, sweetie”

we finally reach our room, i put my bags down and unlock the door. we both walk in and our eyes almost pop out of our heads.

“you have got to be kidding… one bed?! there’s no way im sleeping near you” alex scoffs annoyed

“you’re right alex, i’ll sleep on the bed and you can sleep on the floor like the dog you are”

“i’m not sleeping on the damn floor! i’m taking half the bed at least”

“fine, im feeling generous but you better stay on your side of the bed, don’t even breathe near me”

“what are you, six? i’m taking my half, man” he shakes his head

“if anyone here is a child, it’s you. but either way, stay off my side, ‘kay?” you smile sarcastically at him

“don’t call me that! i know all your insults are projections and you’re just insecure. and you won’t keep me from my rightful side of the bed”

“yeah okay, im insecure, mister ‘i wont ever take my beanie off because im most definitely bald under it’ ” you rolled your eyes

“i have more hair than your entire family, dumbass. and don’t even get me started on your insecurities, little miss constantly talking to guys and flirting when you’ve never even had a real relationship before” alex said as he crossed his arms

“oh, really? at least i talk to guys, and im not all ‘oh, you’re so p-p-p-pretty’ ” you mock him and his stuttering

“shut your mouth! i stutter and so what?? it doesn’t make me insecure, i just have trouble with words, okay?!”

“yeah, okay” you make a hand gesture of a dick going into your mouth, making fun of alex

“wow.. childish much? grow up y/n” he spat at you, sitting down on the bed and unpacking a few things, then scrolling on his phone

“alex?”

“what?”

“go fuck yourself” you smile and flick him off, angrily slamming the restroom door with your things to shower

“back at ya bitch” he said to himself, occupying himself with his phone

you take about thirty minutes to shower, get dressed, and do your nighttime routine. you’re exhausted from the plane ride and from arguing with alex that you’re ready for bed. you put everything away and slip into bed, still ignoring alex.

almost immediately, you fall asleep.

alex looked over at you as if he was going to say something. he saw you were peacefully sleeping so he continued to watch the video he had playing on his phone.

about an hour later, you found yourself deeply asleep but also tossing and turning in bed.

you throw your blanket off of you and mumbled something softly. alex thought you were talking to him so he took off one of his earphones.

he looked over at you and gulped as his eyes were drawn to the revealing pajamas you had on.

“please…” you whispered, talking in your sleep

alex perked up at the sound of your sleepy voice. were you talking to him?

“oh alex…” you practically moaned

his face was now red all over as he heard the sounds you made.

“mmmf, feels so good baby” again, you were sleeping and still a whimpering mess. you tossed and turned some more.

now this definitely gave alex an embarrassingly aching hard on. god, why was this happening? he thought of the grossest things he could to urge the pent up tension in his pants away.

he decided that he would not intervene and he would just go to sleep. so he pulled up your pajamas that were slipping off of you, covered you with the blanket, and laid down on his side. he was having trouble falling asleep as he had you on his mind. he was angry at himself for getting turned on so easily, and even more, he was pissed about how much he liked your sweet little whimpers.

right as he was about to fall asleep, he heard you mumbling again.

“i love you alex” you sighed, still asleep

alex couldn’t believe it. did you really say that? did you mean it or were you just dreaming? either way he decided to shut everything out and sleep.

——-

the next day you woke up refreshed and ready to see the beautiful city you were in. you were especially excited to visit the beach nearby. you got ready in the bathroom quietly to avoid waking alex.

alex woke up almost half an hour later and you cheerfully greeted him,

“morning ‘lex”

you got nothing in return. you frowned a bit but shrugged it off, assuming that he was still upset about having to share a hotel room with you.

you continued to get ready and finally changed into a cute purple bikini. you had a sheer top over it and some short shorts and also wore some cute platform sandals. the outfit showed off your tramp stamp and hip tattoos perfectly. you felt absolutely hot in this outfit.

you saw that alex still wasn’t ready so you let him know you were meeting tina downstairs and left.

“hey y/n, how was your first night with alex?” tina asked genuinely when you met up with her

“it was okay, we didn’t argue as much as i expected” you laughed

“well that’s some progress, right?” she asked hopeful

“i guess so yeah” you nodded

the two of you decided to meet the others for some coffee at the hotel cafeteria

alex, however, didn’t show

when everyone finished and was getting ready to head to the nearest restaurant for brunch, ruibius wolf whistled loudly at alex’s appearance

“mira que guapo, i might have to take you back to my hotel room tonight before any of the ladies here get their hands on you” he teased and alex laughed softly at him

“yeah, please get him off my hands” you rolled your eyes at alex but he ignored you completely

you shrugged it off thinking he was still upset about being stuck with you

after a brief brunch, the group headed to the beach.

you all happily headed to the beach and laid out your towels and chairs

you had found an outside bar nearby and ordered a drink. you then went back to where your friends were and laid on your chair, enjoying the sun on your skin. you took off your top and your shorts and your body instantly felt cooler.

you laughed and joked with your friends and just enjoyed their company. you noticed that alex wasn’t talking to you but he talked to everyone else and it honestly was nothing out of the ordinary. just as you were thinking of getting another drink at the bar, a tan guy appeared next to you.

“hola, estas bien hermosa y te quiero comprar un coctel. cual te gustaría, nena?” he asked as he took your hand in his, kissing it gently

“oh… lo que sea estará bien.” you blushed slightly as he smiled at you, you couldn’t help but stare at his golden abs. he was hot, there was no denying it.

he left to get you a drink and tina gave you a smirk before saying a short ‘see you later’ and she headed off with the others to take a swim in the beach.

“here you go, nena” the guy handed you the drink and asked, “como te llamas?”

“y/n, what’s your name?”

“me llamo luis, its nice to meet you y/n” he smiled softly

“y/n, i have to talk to you” alex suddenly appeared behind you and luis

“can it wait? im a little busy” you said a bit sternly to him

“no, it’s important” he grabbed your arm and turned to anthony before saying “we’ll be just a minute” he smiled fakely at luis and pulled me aside

“what’s so important that you had to interrupt?”

“put this on” he gave you your shorts and top

“what? why?”

“all these guys are just staring at you! cover yourself up y/n” alex said, annoyed at you

“so what? i can’t help it if i’m sexy”

“shut up.. you don’t understand how guys think. i don’t want anyone to take advantage of you”

“so let me get this straight, first you get upset about being stuck in a hotel room with me, then you ignore me practically all day and now all of a sudden you care about me?? and you’re trying to say i’m being a whore for showing off my body?”

“y/n… it’s really not like that” he sighed

“then what is it like?”

“well… i uh… look im sorry for ignoring you today. i just needed to think about um stuff”

“what stuff?”

“yeah, well no. i don’t know. something happened last night and i didn’t know what to think when it did”

“what happened?”

“did you have any dreams last night?”

“what?” you began to shake a bit because of course you remembered your steamy dream you had that night with alexis in it… but how did he know?

“you were talking in your sleep and um… saying my name and stuff..” alex said slowly, watching your face for your reaction

“oh… yeah um i think you were in my dream but we were uh getting massages together and-and with the um others too…” you said really fast and really nervously

“are you sure? it sounded different.. like you were dreaming of me in a more intimate manner y/n” his face was now so smug and it annoyed you

“are you kidding me?! that’s why you’ve been avoiding me more than usual? it was just a stupid dream! i mean, i even had a wet dream with obama in it once!” you huffed

alex only laughed and shaked his head

……

pt.2????

[yellowharrington]

jaded -- chapter 2, carmy berzatto x reader

pairing + fandom: carmen “carmy” berzatto x fem!reader (she/her pronouns used), the bear fx

warnings: smoking (both carmy and reader), mention of sexual content, a bit of angst. minors dni with this story please.

word count: 2k

a/n: chapter 2 is here! ty for reading and interacting w this story i very much appreciate it <3 this chapter is a bit angsty and a bit fluffy, pls enjoy!

summary: after you and carmy hook up, things change.

masterlist | chapter 1 | chapter 3

Carmy isn’t good at hookups. Especially after spectacularly fucking it up with Claire, a girl he knew deep down was probably his soulmate, he was feeling pretty fucking gross about the whole thing. He doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve any of it, and pumping his loneliness into his pastry chef probably isn’t a great idea either. It felt so good in the moment, his hands wrapped around her throat and in her hair, pouring it all out into the messy thrusts. He just thought about how he wasn’t good enough for this, and was just a broken, broken person. 

You knew it wasn’t supposed to mean anything, and you’d heard whispers about Claire in the kitchen between Carmen and Ritchie, and obviously there was a history there. You had tried to pry the story out of Sydney, but she was all tight-lipped about the whole thing, not wanting to “gossip” at work. In reality, you knew she knew Claire and had heard more about what had happened on opening night, and probably just didn’t want to repeat the story to anyone. You could respect it, but at the same time, you needed to know how deep this shit went before you started being your boss’s rebound.

The kitchen that afternoon when you come in for your shift is awkward, to say the least. You ignore him, he ignores you, but it’s tense. When he sees you, all he sees is your lips hung open, moans escaping against his skin, his loose gold chain between your teeth as he plunges into you, over and over and over and…

“Behind, Jeff! Fuck, what is up with you today? Your mind is somewhere else,” Tina breaks him out of his daydream, watching as you ice the dessert in front of you, focusing on the even layers of chocolate buttercream. And you’re not laughing, no, because you don’t know if he’s daydreaming about you or still has his mind on Claire, and even though you may have a big ego, it’s not big enough to think he’s distracted by you at work. It was one fuck, one night, one mistake between two coworkers that you’d never speak of again.

“Outside, now, chef,” he’s suddenly at your station, looming over you just as you were getting lost in the frosting. “I’m fucking busy, Carm-“ you started, before his hand came down on the stainless steel beside you, gripping the edge of the counter. “Now, chef. Please.” You place the offset spatula on the clean plate beside your cake, glaring at him as you walked out back. He immediately pulled out a cigarette to put between his lips, letting the chilled air hit the bare skin of his arms. “What the fuck do we do?” he asks, more into the air than directly to you. You tighten your apron around your waist, crossing your arms over your chest. “Probably fuckin’ prep for service and serve rich assholes some marinated radishes. What the fuck else would we be doing?”

“Don’t be stupid,” he says, and it’s sharper than he intends. “No, I mean,-“ “Look, you’re the one who left in the middle of the night, alright? You’re the one who snuck out and went home before I could say anything or we could come up with a game plan. I don’t care that we fucked, we can forget it, I won’t talk about it again. Swear on my fuckin’ life,” you grab the cigarette from between his fingers and put it between your own lips. “But don’t act like I’m crazy, or like it’s my fucking fault, alright?” There’s a beat as you take a puff of his cigarette, smashing it beneath the toe of your shoe into the concrete. “Sorry for leaving,” he says, finally, “Didn’ know what else to do.” You shrugged. “Whatever, Carm, it doesn’t have to mean anything, if you don’t want it to. I’ll live and let live if you will. Just be fuckin’ cool, don’t tell anyone. I don’t want people to know that I fucked my boss, or whatever.” He smirks, “Heard, chef.” 

And it all seems alright for a bit. The kitchen is back to normal, you’re back on pace, and you and Carmy are fine. 

- 

The weeks pass and the world falls back into its natural orbit. There’s a hookup here and there, a few nights where he comes home with you after service, all under the guise of a drive home. You feel obligated to invite him up for something to eat (because God knows he hasn’t all fucking day), and before you can get in the door he’s already hot on your heels and breathing down the back of your neck. And there you are, breath hitched in your throat, struggling to get the door open, feeling his hand come around your front and slide into the waistband of your jeans.

Sometimes he stays, sometimes he doesn’t. It’s a toss up if you have to be in for service the next morning, and you usually hear him grabbing his coat from where it’s laid on the kitchen table, the jingle of his car keys in the right-hand side pocket being just loud enough to wake you from your deep slumber. Sometimes you’re coherent enough to ask him to stay, but he’s got one foot out the door and he can easily pretend not to hear you. And it’s fine, really.

A Saturday rolls around, the busiest day of the week, and there’s a few mumbles around the kitchen that Carmy’s in a bad mood today, and he’s not to be fucked with.

You were nothing if not nosy, so when Richie and Natalie are having a heated conversation in the dining room before prep starts, you can’t help but insert yourself. “What’s up, guys? Everything chill?” Richie shot you a look, but not before leaning down closer to your ear, sworn to secrecy.“Claire bitched out Carmy on a drunk phone call last night,” He starts, before Natalie can stop him. “No, it wasn’t-“ “Yeah, it was. It was gnarly. She finally actually got mad about opening night and let him fuckin’ have it, good for her,” he laughs, letting his hands plunge into his pockets. “What did she say?” Natalie’s sweet voice was a sharp contrast to Richie’s, low, and soft, when she replied, “He didn’t say much. Just that she called, and he had his stupid sad puppy dog eyes on, so obviously she must’ve said some… stuff.”

Carmy was scrubbing the floors of the kitchen, head down, obviously not taking any notice to the mini staff meeting in the dining room. “Just don’t mention it, ‘kay? I don’t think anyone’s supposed to know. He hasn’t heard from her in weeks and now he’s all fucked up over it, he’ll probably be a real bitch later.” “Heard, chef. Will try not to piss off Princess Carmy.”

The service isn’t so bad. Carmy’s mopey - downturned eyes, less yelling than you’d anticipated. It’s almost scary; seeing him rather calm, a little sad, reduced to a heartbroken boy who just feels fucking bad for himself. You try to stay out of his way, focusing on getting plates of custard and cake out in time, with no mistakes. It’s a lot of ‘yes chef, thank you chef, great chef’. You’d almost actually prefer it like this.

You find him out back having a cigarette right before you’re gonna head out. He hasn’t bothered to put his sweater or coat on, arms bare against the cold night air as he blows the hot smoke into a cloud above him. “Hey,” you start, sitting next to him. It feels a little odd to be close to him - intimate, in a way that you’re not used to. “You seemed off tonight. Is something up?” You put your hand out expectantly for a cigarette, and he obliges, with his lighter to follow. 

“No, chef,” he starts, dusting some salt from the street off his shoe. “Thank you though.” “You know I don’t have to be chef outside of that kitchen,” you bump a shoulder with him. “You’ve called me a lot of other names, God knows.” He stifles a laugh and looks at you again, with a softness in his features you’d never really seen before. “I just had a rough night last night, is all,” he finishes. “Just feels so fucking bad. I feel like I’m so bad at… this.” He gestures to the night sky around him. “I don’t know how to balance anything. I keep… I keep fucking losing people. People I like, people… people I fucking love. And like, what am I supposed to do about that?” You can see his face get hot as he lets the heel of his hand rub his eye. “You let it happen,” you finish, taking a puff of your own cigarette. “You do what you can and you let yourself feel it and you mourn and grieve until you can’t anymore, until it doesn’t feel right to anymore.”

He nods in agreement, letting you both smoke in silence. “Can I give you a ride home?” He asks, and you know what that means. “Yeah,” you agree softly. “Sure, thanks. Go get your stuff, I’ll wait here.” When he’s back, he locks the back door of the restaurant and lets you stand up first, following behind you.

When you make it back to your place, it’s different. He’s comfortable here now, having been in your space enough times to know where he was welcomed. Normally, it goes like, he’s panting down your neck before you can even get in the door, and once he’s put his stuff down, the back of your knees are hitting the mattress, wet sloppy kisses along your collarbones and neck, down over your breasts and down down down…

But he’s not being like that. When he sets his coat down, he finds his way to your couch. You pull a glass out of the cupboard to fill with ice and cold water, handing it to him before doing the same for yourself. “Can we… can we go to bed?” He asks, and it’s softer than usual. “Sure,” you smile, opening the door to your bedroom and watching as he strips bare, before pulling out a pair of grey sweat pants he had stashed in your closet. You’d stayed the night at his one time, so-affectionately wearing them in the morning to make him a cup of morning coffee, and decided just to wear them home. “Keep them,” he had said to you that day, “just in case.”

When he climbs in between your white sheets, he seems to instantly relax. He generally did after work, from what you saw - and even though he often had a hard time letting the day go, it seemed like whenever he was with you, he could let it go a little easier. You grabbed a pair of pyjamas for yourself and slid them on, before cracking the window slightly and letting the cool breeze in. The chain around his neck glistened in the moonlight, as he let his eyes flutter closed, just for a minute. When you let your hand brush over his arm, tracing the faded inky lines of his tattoos, he opened one eye slightly, eliciting a small laugh from the side of his mouth. “Feels nice,” he offered, soft against the sounds of the nighttime. “Would you be offended if we didn’t fuck tonight?” His eyes are still closed, and even though it seems a bit ridiculous to ask, you can tell it was hard for him to get the words out. It didn’t really mean that, it meant, can we just be here, together, and enjoy each other for a night? Do you want me here if not for that? 

“Of course not, Carmen,” you let your head hit the pillow, kissing his shoulder and letting your hand grasp his bicep. “You never call me Carmen,” he comments, voice soft, before he looks over at you. “I kinda like it. Only you, though.” You let the curls of his hair tangle around your fingers as he started to drift off, you following not long after. And it’s actually fine this time.

[redwiccanrobin]

Bob’s Burgers is one of my favorite shows ever. It’s one of my comfort shows. So often adult animations rely on being crude and offensive to be entertaining. Or they lean heavily on abusive family dynamics. After a time, it becomes tiresome. I’m someone who enjoys the kindness in others, not their cruelty. That’s not a revolutionary thing to say, I know. But a lot of adult animation and it’s fans want that offensive stuff, wants to see families rip each other apart whether that be emotionally or physically. But Bob’s Burgers is different.

For so long adult animation pertained to the bad dad trope. We had the Peter Griffins and the South Park dads, for example. But Bob Belcher is a breath of fresh air. It’s been stated that Bob did not have a good childhood. We do know some of the extent of why it was bad. Bad enough that he feels viscerally uncomfortable with his father’s presence. However, Bob didn’t pull a Hank Hill where he just shut down his emotions. He made the decision to be emotionally present.

Tina is awkward and deals with an ever-present loneliness. She feels like an outsider in the world. Constantly voicing her feelings and her frustrations that she doesn’t have true friends outside of her siblings. Rather than just brush her aside, Bob is constantly trying to build her confidence. Bob was an awkward kid who didn’t have true friends. He understands and empathizes with Tina. At one point, he tells her that he would have been lucky to have had her as a friend when he was her age. He shows her the kindness that he never got as a kid.

Gene is a colorful weirdo who dreams big. He’s this bubbly boy who expresses himself however he wants. His passion in life is his very odd and strange music. Bob doesn’t understand it, quite frankly. But rather than react in hostility due to his confusion, Bob looks at his son with wonder. And so many times he tries to reach out to Gene. It works, there are a lot of episodes where they spend time together. Bob, again, doesn’t really understand what Gene does or is interested in, but he tries to. He actively encourages his son’s creativity and loves how strange he is. He’s shows him the acceptance that he needed as a kid.

Louise is quite different from those around her. She’s not one to just run around and ask to be friends with others. Unlike Tina, she’s fine with this. But she still has insecurities that many of us have. She worries about how others view her. Her arc in the movie is all about that. But, with the help of Linda, Bob is able to reassure Louise. Louise takes Bob’s words to heart. He’s not only her dad, he’s her best friend. They joke and banter with the knowledge that they still love one another. He gave her the companionship that he needed as a kid.

The reason Bob’s Burgers and the Belchers stand out amongst the adult animation field is that it proves something. It proves that you don’t need to be cruel and vicious to succeed. You can have an emphasis on kindness. There were notes that the writers got that the Belchers quote “liked each other too much.” But that’s part of the enjoyment for many of us. It can get exhausting watching shows like American Dad and modern Family Guy where there’s little to no love between the families. Bob’s Burgers is the opposite of those shows. It’s a damn good show and a lot of that has to do with the fact that Bob is a damn good dad.

[zzomb2ie]

this is an overdramatization of that moment of the stream. there is not intention of villanizing any of the other characters, just some q!bbh stan writing some angst.

—

The conversation had him tense for several minutes. His close friends had been picking on him for more than half an hour.

He was already feeling bad because Bagi as well as Tina seemed to hate the base he had made based on Soulfire. He felt bad about it, for some reason no one seemed to appreciate the memorial he had made to remember the only good thing about Purgatory. Bagi even admitted wanting to burn it, but it didn't make sense, he had spent so much time on it, why would she want to burn something like that?

Once he arrived at the circle of people, he tried to make room on one of the sofas because he felt too uncomfortable standing and watching them laugh among themselves, without understanding the context. It was awkward, but It was fine! They seemed to be having a good time.

Or so he thought - Until the conversation started talking about him. For some reason Richas was talking about how he (Bbh) caused problems in other people's relationships, thing he didn't understand, because he had helped one of the couples present in the room. He didn't feel too comfortable. He knew that he wasn't good with feelings of romance, it's not like he had a clear concept about it or was familiar with it.

He felt embarrassed.

Suddenly they started talking about his relationship with Forever. It felt like a great pain in the butt.

Everyone started talking about how

"They weren't together yet and it had taken months." he felt pressured. What was wrong with it? It had taken him long enough to come to terms with his feelings and identify them to now go quick. It didn't make sense to him.

Why did everyone looked at him like that? Why was everyone laughing with his name in their mouths but he didn't seem to be included in the conversation?

They started joking about his escape room project. And he could only think about a few hours ago enjoying watching his friends having a good time with one of his works, and for some strange reason, he felt hurt.

Why did everyone seem to hate what Bbh appreciated openly. Why did no one seem to take him seriously?

The conversation just continued. The truth is that he just seemed to have a good time in the few minutes that the conversation wasn't focused on him. He wanted to throw himself on the ground and let him come through the water.

Even when he was simply looking to talk alone with his son, someone would come to interrupt out of the blue. For some reason he felt a small ringing in his ears.

Maybe they were from the beatings given by his close friends.

Maybe it was because of the open wounds on his body and the radiation reaching his brain.

Maybe his brain was simply beginning to dissociate from all the stress he had been feeling in the last hour but hadn't allowed himself to admit.

Every time he left the others and came back the feeling got worse. It was like being stabbed in a wound repeatedly, without letting him breathe.

Why was he sweating so much? Why did his head hurt? Why did he feel a slight pressure on his chest? Was he sleepy? He wasn't sure, he just knew that breathing was difficult.

For a second he felt his eyes water and he felt frustrated, there was no point in feeling sad, right? So why did he feel like crying so much?

Everyone seemed to be having a blast, why was he the only one standing there watching everyone from afar?

...

For a few seconds he wished for the worst of his fears; being alone.

He tried to stay calm and wiped his eyes with one of his still discolored sleeves. Dapper was back, there was no point in feeling bad, right?

Everything was fine, completely fine.

He called Dapper aside and swallowed hard, trying to communicate that he couldn't take it anymore and that he felt exhausted by the situation. Dapper of course understood.

As always, his kid seemed to be the other half of his universe.

He felt extremely tired. He went home.

Although he still heard a slight ringing in his ears.

[yangsharperavery]

so here's the thing...

i've written about this topic a few times during and after season 1, but the carmy and sydney of it all remains a highly contested and discussed topic. even after season two.

what i find so truly fascinating is that chris storer and joanna calo and everyone involved with the creation of this lovely, well constructed show absolutely could have created the duo they work SO hard in the press to convince viewership they intended.

if they really wanted sydney to be a psuedo/standin sibling for the one carmy lost, or the brainy, determined business partner that comes in to orient a sinking ship...

there are a couple hundred ways they could have managed that and made it abundantly clear that's what the angle was within the dynamic between carmy and sydney.

instead... we have all this very overtly (and covertly) romantic, potent and simmering subtext regarding the nature of their relationship and what they mean to one another, their effect on each other and their seemingly endless potential.

in a whole host of ways there are a number of scenes that literally don't make sense without the lens of the undercurrent of feelings or reverence or romance or something that exists between them beyond the intended business partners/co-creatives.

there are ways to narratively parallel sydney as a mirror and equal and peer of carmy's void of all ambiguity and romantic tension and any energy of awkward longing or confusion.

but that's not actually what we got. i've been consuming television media for most of my life. i've watched hundreds of shows; shipping has never been a requirement for my viewership or interest.

which leads me to believe that there's either a bunch of deflection/dismissing happening for a very distinct reason. or there's been a bait and switch planned from the beginning.

you would literally have to remove 75% of the nuance within carmy and sydney's interactions for the stictly platonic claims to make sense and effectively land.

you'd have to go through and remove various staging, shot selection, editing, music choices and sometimes entire scenes to accurately convey original or "intended" messaging.

to completely eradicate the liminal space of subjectivity between them.

why is carmy talking about tina looking like sydney with that distinct expression on his face when they all wear that apron?

why are they being awkward at the lockers like it isn't customary for coworkers and business partners to go out after work for dinner or drinks or whatever (literally evidenced by tina this season)?

why is sydney mentioning jealousy at all when it comes to carmy's relationship? especially when it makes perfect sense for her to be upset with him for not pulling his weight?

why is sydney entering into carmy's life for the first time and deciding to stay, the second time, something that literally brings him out of his panic? when it could have been him cooking, his drawings, his staff, his gf. ANYTHING else.

they effectively made sydney an emotional, mental and energetic tether for him in that scene. for what reason? business partner ones or????

why do they bicker like an old married couple? is that customary for creative collaborators and coworkers?

why superimpose sydney, parallel her doing something the audience saw carmy do last season, and then show her going about her night while he's by contrast, with his girlfriend? why show a random closeup of a meaningful tattoo on her shoulder? no thematic significance beyond the grind of the restaurant world and career ambition?

why is there an obvious awkward breaking of energy after a highly vulnerable and tender moment between the two of them under the table? why does sydney noticeably fidget/adjust herself/her apron when he walks away to get her gift?

there's actually a hundred instances of these questions you could ask over the course of the two seasons when it comes to them.

so the reasoning behind the shipper pushback is baffling and a bit laughable.

some people bring into question, perhaps this is just the natural chemistry that jaw and ayo bring to their characters bc they're obviously good friends.

which... sure. i guess. but even that begs the question, you wrote and shot and constructed a story a specific way and then your two actors sort of bled on and expanded the material in a very obvious way you didn't expect?

cool, cool. so again... you're surprised that could lead to viewership seeing something deeper than mere platonic business partners?

that's shocking and surprising to you?

no way.

especially considering storer and calo have commented on how close jaw and ayo are and that their dynamic is different than the one she has with ebon and lionel. which is hilarious bc she adores ebon and has been out of the country traveling with lionel (and some other people from odd future.)

so clearly they all enjoy each other, are friends and get along.

but why even make that note of demarcation regarding jaw and ayo's dynamic and STILL be like "oh yeah, we didn't write or mean for them to be a romance " you're shocked that people SEE something given your storytelling and their obvious connection that even you, the creators themselves remarked on?!?!

there's a picture from the golden globes of ayo holding jaw's mom's hands during his acceptance speech. like they're really besties.

but i'm sorry, they can't bestie themselves into what carmy and sydney clearly exemplify on our screens without an entire framework at their disposal. because they're talented and professionals.

so if the writing is saying something, then it's intentional.

maybe the intention was to have their characters skirt and skate on the periphery of each other.

maybe it was for things to be awkward and weird and undefined or hectic and toxic.

maybe they weren't ever gonna have some relegated idea of a shipper's happily ever after.

people have feelings that go unexpressed and undefined. people fall in love and then don't end up together.

maybe the slow burn fizzles out, maybe it explodes or implodes, maybe one of them self denies, maybe they both do.

maybe it will or won’t be addressed directly or covertly. that's actually not a requirement for its existence.

to act like there isn't something true and obvious and visceral that exists between these characters is frankly like asking those who watch your show not to use their eyes and their brains.

impossible.

[the-french-laundry]

The Problem with Claire Bear (and how to fix it in S4 without making Clairmy endgame)

This critic is focusing on the writing and is not meant to be an attack against the actress in any way! Also this is my personal opinion.

I must confess, that i am relatively new to the fandom, but 'the Bear' has a chokehold on me for a couple of weeks now. The way it has so many different characters and tries to explore their personalities, their shortcomings, their problems and anxiety, hooked me from the start and i loved to see how they developed over the three Seasons, we have now. But then there's Claire. And she just doesn't work at all.

The number thing and Claire accepting anything

When she first appeared in the supermarket and had that talk with Carmen Berzatto, i couldn't shake off the feeling that this whole scene was very awkward and almost non-human. Of course, we know that Carmen can be socially awkward and seeing his old childhood friend, which he ghosted, is a weird situation for a lot of people. Given his own difficulties to deal with situations like that, it makes sense why he gave her a fake number. I know, she asked multiple times if it is okay, but the whole number thing is a clear sign that he is either avoiding contact, because he doesn't feel ready enough to deal with a past relationship or that, deep down, he doesn't actually want it and uses it as an excuse so that he doesn't have to say it out loud.

Seriously, if i would've been Claire, that would be a RED FLAG for me and i'd stop trying to force any contact. But the script wanted a romance, so it literally made Claire an all forgiving person. She just takes Carmen's bullshit and never truly questions it or tries to make him question those things. She always reassures him, that he's doing good and all, which is supportive and cute, but it doesn't help Carmy's broken personality in any way. It never questions, it never tackles his character to move past this. And in the end, it doesn't help Claire too because this relationship feels very one-sided. She's always there for him, tries to keep the contact, supports him, confesses her love first (even though if it was via voicemail), but Carmy isn't able to give it back to Claire in any form.

Claire got no personality

This is very obvious, but it needs to be said. The script gave Claire nothing to create an interesting or engaging personality. After i finished Season 3 i did a small recap in my head and all i could say about her is: She was Carmy's girlfriend and she is working as a doctor. That's all. And it made me bonkers somehow, because 'The Bear' has so many well-written female characters - Sydney, Tina, Natalie, Donna, Chef Terry. Even Jessica and Tiff, without having much screentime, had more developed character traits that made them stand out. But the script is not able to give Claire something that would make her more than just Carmy's forced relationship!? We rarely see, why she even has this crush on him - maybe due to their childhood friendship, any special moments they'd shared in the past before they met again at the supermarket? No, nothing and i think this is sad. Because with all that, Claire becomes a character, that can be easily written out of the script, without leaving a hole in the story.

Carmen would still have his New York David Fields trauma, mixed with the death of his brother Michael, he would still pressure himself. The rest could be easily explained through the dynamic he has with Sydney and the team - the fear of letting them down, of being not good enough, of not deserving happiness at all etc.

An environment of forcing it

Now it gets a little bit personal. When i was younger, i had a best friend, whom i really liked - but just as a friend. At one point however he started to have feelings for me and asked, if we shouldn't just try and see where it gets, which i didn't want out of fear that it might ruin our friendship. A lot of friends we both known at that time, told me multiple times that we would be such a great match, that he really cares for me and we would be cute together. It gaslighted me into the believe that, well... maybe i should just try. Also because i didn't want to disappoint my best friend. In the end, it was a mess and it ruined our friendship. But why am i telling this story? Because Carmy's and Claire's relationship kind of reminds me of that.

The people around Carmy are constantly talking about Claire, about her being a saint and that she is good for him, that they totally match and that he has a crush on her (e.g. in the conversation with Richie and Michael during the Christmas episode). Yet it never really feels like Carmen loves her deeply enough to make a long-term relationship work. He cares for her and likes her, that much is clear, but i feels forced, whenever they share moments together - not from Claire's side, but from Carmy's side. As if he always has to reassure himself, that he indeed loves Claire. And my theory about his flashbacks of their time together, is that it is more because of his own guilt. He never wanted to hurt Claire and he understands that what he said was deeply painful to her. Confessing that to himself is hard and an apology is needed. But i don't think it would be good if they straight up reset their whole relationship.

What can S4 do to save this mess?

The apology is a big thing that is in fact needed. To jump over his own shadow and to find piece for himself and for Claire, Carmen needs to apologize to her. By talking about what happen and recognizing how bad he'd treated her during the walk-in freezer incident, he also gives her the chance to close that case for herself, so that she doesn't think it was her own fault and therefore she can move on with her life. But it would also make sense that Carmen reflects if he really loves her as deep as he thought he would. In my opinion, the script didn't give us enough to undermine the argument that he does. So looking at that, it would be great to see how he confesses to her, how he'd always thought they were meant to be, but in the end his feelings were not enough for that to happen, that he got carried away by the expectations of those around him and his own anxiety. And maybe we learn, that Claire experienced something similar to that, realizing that they could've been great friends but weren't meant to be more.

Even though i don't like the character of Claire, given the fact that she is in the series now, it would only be fair to close her character arc with an apology and a wholesome conclusion for both her and Carmy before they part ways.

-

Thanks for coming to my short TED Talk. Feel free to tell me your thoughts or add the things i might've missed.

[lirarey]

Slow jazz music. Quiet conversations. There seemed to be a scent of mysticism and mystery all around. This was a very unusual setting for Newt. First Hogwarts, then travels to habitats of the most diverse creatures couldn’t compare to this bar. However, it was worth giving credit: of their entire unimaginable company, only Queenie felt relatively free and relaxed. Like a bird, she fluttered past the visitors, attracting the attention of the men. Jacob didn’t stay away either: he went to the bar counter with the look of the most magical wizard he was capable of. Only he and Tina awkwardly hesitated at the very entrance.

"We are attracting too much unwanted attention," the girl whispered, without turning to him.

"What do you suggest?" the man asked quietly, nervously adjusting his bow tie.

Their gazes turned to the center of the room. Several couples were spinning in a slow dance. Newt, accustomed to the habits of his charges, couldn't help but notice that each of them emanated a different atmosphere. One seemed too energetic and bright against the background of her tall but timid companion. The other, on the contrary, was modest, almost constrained in her movements, trembling in the arms of the strong but soft one. Newt wished that he could understand people as easily at a half-word as those present. It seemed that Tina was thinking the same thing, since Newt noticed the slight tremor of her shoulders. It was difficult to imagine how the eternally serious MACUSA worker felt here.

"How about a dance?"

Newt glanced at the girl briefly. She looked even more stunning in that beautiful dress, and Newt felt awkward in comparison. He had never danced properly in his entire life.

"I don't..." Newt started to say, but Tina had already led him towards the dancers.

He was so confused that he didn’t have time to notice how the girl herself placed his hands on her waist and hers on his shoulders. Now he could see her even better. Neatly styled hair that he just wanted to touch. Serious expressive eyes, reminiscent of the eyes of a salamander. And these thin, graceful shoulders... And how often her heart beats. It's strange, but his heart beats just as fast. What's wrong with him?

"Just pretend to dance!"

But Newt suddenly realized that he didn't want to pretend. No, he really wanted to go on a date with her, to see her happy smile... But now was not the time or the place. Instead, he pulled the girl closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist in a possessive way that surprised even him. It felt like there was some kind of unbreakable bond between them after escaping the Ministry. And he wouldn't let that feeling go for anything.

"Newt," Tina faltered, looking at him in surprise.

"What?"

"If I were looking at us from the outside, I would seriously believe that you are in love with me," she continued, not taking her eyes off him.

"Maybe I'm good at pretending."

"But everything you do is amazingly sincere. Are you really...?"

"The bartender is looking at us with suspicion," Newt whispered, still holding her. "We better not tell yet."

"Yes... Yes, that's a good idea."

But why did his touch feel so good?

[gingerylangylang1979]

Reddit and Twitter need this most but I won’t, because reasons

I have said before I don’t think ALL the Camry and Sydney hate is racially motivated but PLENTY of it is. It’s Richonne 2.0. This isn’t new to me.

There is the outright racist coded comments like claiming Sydney has to be a lesbian, has to be asexual, looks like Kendrick Lamar (yes, it was said), along with the inability to ever empathize with her character.

But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about unconscious bias with people who don’t get that they feel the way they do because Sydney is black. So anyone reading this may want to take a moment and honestly examine what I’m saying.

Unconscious bias is, for example, the thing that leads doctors, sometimes even black ones, to presume that black people don’t feel pain in the same way whites do. It’s not necessarily malicious intentional action or obvious hatred towards us. It’s subtle perceptions that change how one views the nature and capabilities of black people while still being able to be friends with them, respect certain qualities about them, and maybe even at times be allies. But there is always something different in perception that is so invisible that you aren’t aware of it.

I've seen it in white people, strangers and acquaintances, making assumptions about what I’m into or should be, what my education and earnings are, and who I should be friends and lovers with. It’s the thinking we can always handle anything and not be burdened. It’s what is happening a lot with Sydney, especially with Carmy.

People are allowed to not like the ship. They don’t have to. I’m not going to assume everyone who doesn’t is racist. But for anyone who doesn’t I think it would be beneficial to examine a few things.

Viewing the first scene between them, how would you interpret Carmy’s taken aback, entranced, nervous reaction to seeing her? To me it obviously says attraction and surprise. If there is another explanation I’ve never heard it. People just gloss over that interaction and I think it’s a tell. It shows that people may not be able to see him showing signs of attraction to her because she doesn’t look like who you would expect him to be attracted to.

2. How would you explain the way Carmy is constantly looking at Sydney closely like he doesn’t look at anyone else? When we see her from his perspective she if glowy or hazy or out of focus. We don’t see that with any other characters he interacts with aside from that finale flashback with Mikey. He doesn’t look at Sugar like that. Syd is the only one who gets special framing. If you’ve never noticed, why?

3. If you think Syd could be a lesbian or asexual, why her and not for instance Tina, or others on the crew? Sex isn’t referenced a lot so why is it not being referenced with her any different than it not being referenced with others? Often people assume a woman who dresses tomboyish is just that. Why can’t that just be her style? I have plenty of women friends that are straight and sexual with a similar style.

4. Could you imagine the scenes with Syd and Carmy if a man was in Sydney’s place? What would you think of the vibe?

5. Could you see Ayo in the Claire role?

6. Could you see Jeremy and Ayo playing love interests in a totally different show?

7. If Molly Gordon plays Syd could you better picture her with Carmy?

8. When you see a dark skinned black woman in a couple with a white man IRL does it make you especially take notice or feel it’s a bit off?

9. Does the thought of Sydney and Carmy kissing or being intimate make you have an extreme reaction like eeew or gross? Maybe not so extreme does it make you feel awkward to think about it?

10. Do you often compare their relationship to siblings?

11. Can you recognize the Syd isn’t into Marcus romantically and has other options?

12. Can you only envision Sydney alone and not needing romance because her career is all she needs?

13. Do you think maybe Carmy could find her attractive if she looked more glamorous?

14. Could you more easily see Carmy into Syd if she was played by Zendaya or someone that looks similar?

15. Have you never seen a couple that looks like Syd and Carmy?

16. if you saw the Emmy magazine photo shoot did you not perceive the touchy pose with Ayo and Jeremy as sexually suggestive and think it’s an impossibility?

17. How do you think Clairs would react if she saw all of their interactions?

18. Is it easy to view Sydney as having complex motivations and emotions at the same time? Can you possibly see that she’s jealous of Claire because she distracted Carmy from business AND because she has feelings for Carmy? Is it possible to think she can view Carmy as a boss, mentor, and someone she is attracted too and that’s hard to process?

All of these things may not apply to your perception but if any do realize these are very common examples of how unconscious bias plays out when thinking of black women, especially in storytelling. This is a lot of what has historically been seen with similar ships and IRL mixed couples. That’s not to discount the numerous white man, white woman ships that people don’t like, but these things are consistently present with black women and white men presented in the media and celebrity couples. There is always more scrutiny with these pairings.

You may not have a context to understand that. You may have never been questioned in this way. You may be angered to think it’s possible this is a role in how you are viewing things, but it’s the truth based on lived experience and observation. It’s worth examining.

I’m not here to be hostile, I’m just trying to voice in a gentle way what so many here already know and you may not be aware of or ready to think about.

I’m not going to argue with anybody about it but any intelligent, respectful dialogue is welcome and encouraged.