#times like these part 6

[soulnb42]

Times Like These (part 6)

AO3

Part 6

Beatrice slowed her pace then came to a stop when Ava caught up with her. Ava immediately bent over, holding her knees, her lungs were burning with the exertion, so much so she was practically wheezing.

“I think… I prefer when… you kick my butt,” Ava stated, still trying to catch her breath. “Never… thought I’d say that… and mean it…”

Beatrice laughed softly. She had made them run at a steady pace through an uneven terrain across the wood for almost an hour. She had meant for it to be a warm up, but seeing how it had taken the wind out of Ava, she made a mental note to add a little more cardio in their daily training routine.

Ava was still heaving when she straightened up. She looked at Beatrice incredulously. “I’m pretty sure… I’ve lost a lung back there,” she pointed a thumb over her shoulder. “And you’re… not even winded…” she rolled her eyes. “…figures.”

Beatrice stretched a bit then just sat down and enjoyed the scenery. They had reached a lake; the view was quite stunning with the mountains in the background. Ava dropped on the floor next to her, she was still breathing heavily but her lungs were no longer on fire.

“Do you want to talk about last night?”

Beatrice’s question took her by surprise. She felt a shiver run down her spine at the memory of her nightmare and shook her head vehemently. “Not really, no.”

“Okay,” Beatrice nodded. “I’m here if you ever change your mind.”

Ava nodded to acknowledge the offer but didn’t say anything else.

They remained quiet for a long time. Beatrice looked at Ava and she could see the dark cloud hovering above her head. So far, she had let Ava on her own devices, but today she knew she would push her to talk. They needed to get to the core of what was bothering her.

Last night, when she was watching over Ava after her nightmare, she had an epiphany. Well, not so much an epiphany than a reminder. The Halo was tied to Ava’s emotions. So, she had put herself in Ava’s shoes and it occurred to her that Ava was afraid and maybe she didn’t want to fight.

It was easy to forget that Ava had not been prepared for the Halo. Every bearer before her had been trained beforehand, they had accepted the assignment willingly. Mother Superion had been ready, Shannon had been ready, and even if things hadn’t gone according to plan

Ava…had been thrown into a brand-new world, a world that expected her to fight and die for it.

It was unfair. She had been given another life only for it to come with insane caveats.

Then Beatrice had remembered the note Ava had left behind that time she had run away from the OCS: I want to live.

It was that simple.

Beatrice had thought long and hard, in the end she came to a decision that went against everything she was standing for, but one that was at least fair to Ava, consequences be damned.

“This is a nice place,” Beatrice mused aloud. “The décor is beautiful, it’s quiet and peaceful, people are nice… you could have a good life here.”

She felt Ava’s gaze on her, but kept on watching the scenery. “I could tell the others you’ve escaped my watch, while making sure they never find you,” she shrugged.

Ava stared at Beatrice, when their eyes met, she scrutinized her face for a long moment. Was Beatrice serious?  Would she really do that?

Beatrice looked at her with her usual benevolent soft grin, and just like that Ava knew, that yes, she meant it. Beatrice would lie for her and give her a chance at another life.

Ava nodded before looking away.

It was a tempting offer, an illusory one, but tempting still. She knew from experience that ‘simple’ and ‘normal’ were no longer an option for her, at least as long as the Halo was embedded in her back.

The way she saw it, there were three options. One, trying to get rejected by the Halo and potentially go back to being dead; two, fighting Adriel and most likely dying; or three, hiding and pretending the world wasn’t burning around her. Option three came with another caveat: she’d be on her own; sure Beatrice would be there but only from afar. If that was the price of ‘normal’ then she didn’t want it. Not to mention that Adriel would eventually find her and would most likely kill her because she wouldn’t have had any training whatsoever.

So… pestilence, cholera or plague, those were her options.

“You don’t owe anything to anyone,” Beatrice added as if reading her mind.

Ava closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. “I kind of do though. If it wasn’t for me, Adriel would still be locked in a tomb,” she muttered.

She didn’t know Adriel’s agenda, but something told her that hugs and cuddles were not on it. She couldn’t bear the idea of more people getting hurt because of her.

“It’s kind of my mess to clean up.”

“Our mess,” Beatrice corrected her.

“Right…” Ava snorted dejectedly 

“We are a team, Ava,” Beatrice said firmly. “Whatever burden you carry, you don’t have to do it alone, you can lean on me.”

There was something overwhelming reassuring to know that she had Beatrice by her side, that she was her ride or die team mate. Somehow, she doubted she would have felt as safe with anyone else.

“You can trust me.”

“I trust you!” Ava exclaimed.

“Then talk to me,” Beatrice prompted her gently.

Ava sighed heavily. She didn’t want to admit what had been weighing heavily on her mind, but Beatrice was right, they were a team. More importantly, at the moment and who knows for how long, they only had each other; that meant she couldn’t keep shutting Beatrice out.

“I’m useless…” she admitted in a mumble.

She felt Beatrice’s gaze on her but refused to meet her eyes.

Beatrice was truly confused and didn’t get where Ava was coming from with that statement.

“We are a team and I’m supposed to be the leader… but I can’t pull my own weight.”

Sensing that there was much more to unpack, Beatrice remained silent, patiently waiting for Ava to get it all out.

“We had to leave the others behind, because I couldn’t pull my own weight,” Ava continued “We’ve been here for 10 days and if it wasn’t for you, I’d probably be sleeping under a bridge because I can’t pull my own weight!” the more she spoke the more agitated Ava got, her voice growing louder.

“I can’t…” she grunted in frustration. “But you… you know what to do, you always know what to do… I mean… within two days you… stocked the apartment with everything we may need on a day-to-day basis… you’d scouted the place for training space… put down a training program… Geez… you even secured us a job at the local bar…”

She pulled aggressively at some blades of grass and threw them away. “I couldn’t have done any of that… because I don’t know any of that stuff… so far, all I do is waiting on you for directives and sucking hard at training!”

She shook her head. “How am I supposed to lead when I can’t even do the simplest things?”

Beatrice was no stranger to pressure. Holding herself to the highest standards was her MO, but Ava was taking that to another level. If she was honest, had she been in Ava’s shoes she didn’t think she would have cope half as well as Ava had. Clearly Ava wasn’t giving herself any credit.

“Ava…” Beatrice didn’t really know where to start. She rubbed a hand over her forehead. After a second, she decided to tackle every point from the easiest to the hardest. “I’ve lived on my own and had to find a job before the OCS… however brief those periods in my life were, I’ve had the opportunities to face those situations and therefore learn, but rest assured I was as clueless as you before that.”

She paused to give Ava a moment to take her words in.

After a minute she continued. “You were in car crash when you were seven, spent over a decade being paralyzed, you died… then you were revived by the Halo and thrown into a world where you were forced to fight literal demons…” she held a finger out for every instance she enumerated. “I think we can agree on the fact that all of this did not leave that many opportunities to learn about mundane stuff,” Beatrice pointed out. “To be honest, you have faired pretty well, all things considered, so cut yourself some slack.”

Beatrice’s perspective on things did make sense, Ava thought.

“You suck at training… well yeah, but then again that is the point of training. You suck now, so you won’t suck on the field. You may suck but you’re putting the work and that’s all that matters,” she sensed Ava’s protest coming but cut her off. “You do, always have. Case in point, you went from getting stuck in walls to crossing twenty feet of concrete and more. Do you have a lot to learn? Yes, but we’re just getting started our new regimen, so again, cut yourself some slack.”

Beatrice took a deep breath as she launched onto the last point. She understood Ava’s guilt over what had happened in the Vatican, she felt it as well. Unlike Ava though, she knew that their escape had been the only viable option.

“You did pull your weight in the Vatican. The mission went belly-up but it wasn’t because of you. You did what you were supposed to.”

They were all mislead and betrayed by Father Vincent, he was the only one to know what they were walking into.

“We left because…”

“It was the best of our options,” Beatrice finished. “We are warriors not kamikazes. That means we don’t engage in a conflict without a complete understanding of our odds. That night, we were outnumbered, under geared and more importantly we were not prepared for such a fight.”

“If Shannon had been there…” Ava tried to insist once more but was cut off again.

“The outcome would have been the same. We might have fought 5 minutes more but in the end, we’d have retreated to ensure her safety,” Beatrice countered firmly.

Ava sighed in resignation. She was hearing Beatrice but it was hard to accept.

“I’m not saying that to make you feel better Ava. It’s the truth, plain and simple.”

“Okay…” Ava finally conceded. “I just wish, there had been another way,” she added in a whisper.

“I know, so do I.”

They fell into silence again. Contemplating the scenery.

Ava watched her hand caressing the grass, she closed her eyes to focus on the sensation. It didn’t matter how much time had passed since she had recovered all of her senses. The fact that she could just feel never ceased to amaze her. Every single day she was grateful at the simple fact that she could experience everything through her senses.

“I’m scared,” she finally confessed to Beatrice.

She didn’t specify anything because her fear was encompassing so much. She was terrified of being alone, of being paralyzed again, of losing sensation in her body, of dying…

“So am I,” Beatrice replied.

Ava looked at Beatrice in surprise. Beatrice always seemed unphased by anything, so strong and confident, like she could take on the whole world by herself. To have her admit that she was scared, was… unnerving. It was oddly comforting at the same time.

“I hate not knowing what’s coming next… not having a real sense of direction.”

“Yeah, that definitely sucks.”

“The only way I know how to cope is to focus on what we can control,” Beatrice continued. “From my experience dwelling on the rest is just feeding our fears and making things worse.”

Ava chuckled. “There you go… knowing what to do, yet again,” she teased with a smirk which made Beatrice rolled her eyes. She leaned in to bum her shoulder with Beatrice’s and both started to laugh a little.

For the first time since the start of there exile, the tension was lifted. As much as Ava hated to admit it, that talk they’d just had made her feel a bit better.

“Thank you,” she said.

The words seemed inadequate, not merely enough. Ava didn’t have the words to express how grateful she was. Beatrice had assuaged some of her fears; she had given her a new perspective on things; more than that she had given her a choice. So far, she had been the only one to do so. Sure, all of her choices sucked, but it was nice to at least give her the option to decide of her fate in the end.

Sure, she was still afraid of what was to come but knowing that Beatrice felt the same and was there with her made her feel a tad better.

“Yeah… just… thank you,” she repeated.

Somehow, Ava knew Beatrice understood all the unsaid behind her words. “Sure,” Beatrice nodded with that soft grin of hers.

Ava looked away at the mountains again, she was feeling much too vulnerable and needing to get her emotions back in check.

“Do you mind if we stay here for a while?”

“Not at all,” she saw Beatrice shake her head from the corner of her eye.

“Cool,” she acquiesced before lying down completely.

She took a deep breath then released it. She looked at the clouds and tried to relax. She focused on the smell of grass and nature, on the soft breeze caressing her skin, on the sound of nature and the lake.

For a little while, she was going to pretend that life was simple, no Halo, no demons, no exile; just her enjoying a quiet moment in the middle of nature with a friend.

----------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading

[egophiliac]

queen of diamonds, upright + reversed 💎

I've redone this like eighty times, I have to just be done with it now and stop staring at all my mistakes oh no 🫠

[chrliekclly]

——————

it’s been 6 years exactly nd i apologize for everything about this

[tw: implied csa]

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 4: Deranged Bedfellows

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.5)

[clarkgriffon]

Tara Maclay + Outfits (Season 4)

[otaku553]

Ok so I have been stewing this crossover au in my brain nonstop for the past few days and. I am nothing if not committed to the bit, so. Volume cover redraws :)

Here are the originals:

If you want to read more about my one piece spy x family crossover, keep reading!

So the idea is simple! Crossover reincarnation au where ASL is reborn in Spy x Family. They’re each born separately and none of them are born with the same names as their previous lives, and with no way of finding each other, they each find their own thing to do in the world.

Sabo, too used to the dangers of being a spy, eventually finds a cause to devote himself to again, in preventing war from engulfing the country he was reborn in. Ace, drawn to fire as he was in his previous life, used arson as a means to rob rich people for sustenance and survival, and is eventually scouted and hired by Garden as a fire specialist and assassin. And Luffy, though born in perhaps the poorest condition, grows up happily and takes whatever part time jobs he wants to do.

The thing about Sabo is that, as much as he seems like a young man of good repute and high standing within society, everyone in WISE knows that he is a massive nuisance. Nobody knew in the beginning how a child less than half the age of most of their veteran agents could have the same skills and knowledge in their profession. Sabo was— and still is— hyper competent, and by the time WISE figured out just how much of a menace to society he was, it was too late.

Ace forgot for the first few years of his new life that he wasn’t made of fire, and consequently, received multiple accidental burns. This did not deter him, however, from growing up to be a very skilled arsonist, well-practiced in every which way to start a dumpster fire or house fire. As a teenage he would use this often to draw attention as he robbed rich people blind. When he was caught, he was given an ultimatum by Garden: join them and receive payment for starting fires and causing problems under contract, or face the government and authorities for his crimes. Begrudgingly, he joined Garden, but eventually comes to appreciate that he can make substantial money in his element.

Luffy is Luffy. No telepathy or experimentation, no fancy schools, no gimmicks or secret identities. But he has still lived an extremely colorful life in this world, full of fascinating and kind individuals who have helped him grow up healthy and relatively happy. He goes where he is free, and he takes whatever part time jobs he wants in order to make the minimum he needs to survive.

Ace and Sabo find each other first, in their late teens, and neither of them realize that the other remembers their previous life, but both refuse to separate. (Sabo thinks Ace doesn’t remember, because Ace didn’t recognize him. Ace never saw Sabo grow up past 10, however, so he doesn’t recognize older Sabo immediately. By the time he does realize who exactly Sabo is, Sabo has backtracked and pretends to know Ace from a dream, or from somewhere else.)

Sabo’s attachment to Ace, predictably, causes problems between Sabo and WISE, but by then, Sabo is indispensable to the organization, and they make an exception for Sabo to be able to remain with Ace, so long as Ace never finds out what Sabo’s actual job is. Ace, on the other hand, hides his job because he doesn’t want his brother, who he has just found and who does not know Ace well enough yet, to know that he makes a living from killing people.

And they find Luffy sometime afterwards, prior to the beginning of the Spy x Family canon. Luffy figures out, not long after moving in with his brothers, both of his brothers’ secret occupations and the fact that both of them remember their past memories. He thinks it is common knowledge, however, and so he never brings it up.

[whilomm]

oh okay heres one:

"sleepaway camp"= you go there for at least a few days, a week, sometimes several weeks, and sleep there, as opposed to a """camp""" where you go for the day and your parents or whoever picks you up afterward (those arent really camps, but like. idk when i went to "space camp" it was a weeklong but not sleepaway). in the U.S. at least, the typical image of a sleepaway camp involves staying in cabins, dunno how common it is/what it looks like in other countries.

for the first few i just mean like. not necessarily a stealth church camp, just like. idk, a camp where theres also an Assumption Of Christianity and just general vibes without being actually church camp. So, there might not be daily services and jesusy dedicatwd activities, but maybe theres still a prayer said over meals and shit. Which i assume might exist...

(oh and @reblogforsamplesize if u wanna)

[groenendaze]

these make me feel emotions i dont quite understand

[shepscapades]

GLAD EVERYONE ENJOYED THE ANDROID INFO UPDATE ABOUT INTERFACING DFGJNDGKGNMXGHNCBNM

[kooldewd123]

incredibly bold writing choice to have this be the first mention of bj's mustache before we even get a chance to see it

[ratwithhands]

Read Right to Left (Manga Format)

I have returned to watching demon slayer after a year and it came up while I was having a serious late night talk with my big sister. I was talking about the relationship between Michikatsu/Kokushibo and Yoriichi and it turns out we both see each other in Yoriichi's shoes and ourselves in Michikatsu's place. Definitely surprising, but really relieving to know that we both worry too much and we are not so far apart in skill as we believe.

This is technically the first piece of fanart I've ever made for the characters in Demon Slayer, I have made OCs before but I never drew an actual character from the story. For context this is mostly just a fun "what if" scenario with them meeting in the afterlife. I like to think Yoriichi's love would reawaken Michikatsu's humanity.

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.

[kockatriceking]

how Courier Six be looking at Jeannie-May Crawford just before putting on the red beret (her head is about to spontaneously explode)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.

(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)

[shakingparadigm]

what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?

It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:

During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.

Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.

I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:

I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.

The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.

This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.

The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.

I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.

[youngpettyqueen]

truly a crime we didnt get to see more of Miles' reaction to Julian being augmented because I think he should've punched Richard Bashir in the face