#warriornun fanfiction

[soulnb42]

Times Like These (part 5)

AO3

Part 5

Ava fell onto her knees when oxygen just left her lungs in one go. Intense pain burnt her midriff where Beatrice had just hit her with a stick. She took a couple of deep breaths then stood up gingerly.

Beatrice was perplexed to say the least. They had started to train five days ago and while everything was fine when it came to basic training, whenever it was time to work with the Halo, they hit a wall. Or rather, Ava hit a wall.

Beatrice was at a loss. Something was obviously wrong. At first, she figured Ava was just tired but now she was certain it went deeper than that.

Ava cursed silently and Beatrice didn’t ask her if she was okay. She did care, in fact Beatrice was deeply concerned, but she couldn’t bear to hear Ava lie to her yet again. Every time Beatrice had queried about Ava’s well-being, Ava had fibbed, affirming that she was alright yet never meeting Beatrice’s gaze.

The issue needed to be addressed though, because everything rested on the power of the Halo, if they didn’t have that then…

“Let’s stop here for today,” Beatrice stated softly.

There was no point in pushing. Ava was supposed to phase through Beatrice’s attacks but she wasn’t, so instead it was turning into a beating. At this point Beatrice wasn’t sure the Halo was doing its job healing Ava, or if it was the effect was much slower than usual.

“No, we can go on. I can train some more,” Ava protested.

“I know you can,” Beatrice reassured her. “But we’re on evening shift today, I think it’d be best if we get some rest before we have to go to work.”

Ava clenched her jaw to contain her anger and frustration. Sure, Beatrice made it sound like there was a good reason for them to stop, but she read between the lines. She saw the way Beatrice was looking at her, like she wasn’t good enough. She couldn’t blame Beatrice though. Five days of training and frankly she sucked. Hard.

“Fine,” she sighed with resignation and walked away.

Part of Beatrice wanted to rush after Ava but she didn’t go with that first instinct. She had watched a myriad of emotions dance behind Ava’s eyes before settling on some quiet anger. It was like Ava was resenting her for something and she didn’t get it. Ava had been shutting her out and she didn’t know how to get through to her.

Right now though, she didn’t feel that pushing the issue would do them any good.

Ava needed space and maybe she did as well, she needed time to figure a way out of this funk for the both of them.

By the time they started their shift, Ava’s natural good mood seemed to return. Beatrice watched Ava working around the room, exchanging witty words and bad puns, making everyone laugh or smile. Ava was a natural people person. She exuded something that just made you want to be in her orbit. Beatrice envied that ability to be around people and connect easily with them.

For a moment there, Beatrice imagined Ava’s life without the Halo and all that came with it. Ava would fit right here; she’d have a good life here.

“Beatrice!” Hanz, the other barman called a bit loud, which let her know he had called her once before.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright, I need 2 Cuba Libre and a Zombie please.”

“Coming right up,” she nodded and focused on making the ordered cocktails.

When they get back to the apartment it was already half past one in the morning and they were both exhausted. It took twenty minutes for them to get through their evening routine and be ready for sleep.

Ava exited the bathroom just as Beatrice was about to enter.

“Goodnight,” Ava said, she gave Beatrice’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Goodnight,” Beatrice echoed.

Ava nodded then moved on to go lie on the bed.

The day had been quite long so Beatrice fell asleep almost as soon as she had lied on the couch.

Beatrice woke up with a start and the gut feeling that something was wrong. There was a small electric-like tremor making everything slightly vibrate around the room. Briefly disoriented, her attention was called to the moaning sounds and light coming from the bed.

“Ava!” she almost fell flat on the floor in her haste to get to her feet and rush to the bed. Without hesitation she sat onto the bed and gathered Ava into her arms, holding her tight to stop her flailing.

Ava was struggling against her, moaning through her clenched jaw. Beatrice forced herself not to loosen her grip even though the surge of energy coming from the Halo was painful.

“Calm down, calm down…” she repeated like a mantra hoping that Ava would wake up and power down.

Ava came to abruptly with a barely contained scream of horror. There was a small implosion of light and Beatrice felt like a violent punch in her guts then the Halo went out. She gritted her teeth at the shooting pain but focused back on Ava immediately.

Ava started to debate herself more vigorously but calmed down when she was able to resituate herself.

“You’re okay…shhh…” Beatrice’s soothing voice brushed her ears. “Everything is okay, you’re okay.”

Ava stopped trashing around and leant against Beatrice, she put her hands on the arm Beatrice had wrapped around her shoulders and held on for dear life.

She had been back in the cave with Adriel, only this time there was no escape and… she closed her eyes to block the memory. Drenched in cold sweat and shaking with remnant fear, she try to focus on Beatrice’s voice. She let herself go to the gentle rocking and slowly she felt calmer.

Beatrice kept swaying them both, she didn’t stop until she felt the trembling of Ava’s body subside. She started to shift her position and felt Ava’s grip on her arm turn painful.

“Please don’t go,” Ava begged.

“I’m not going anywhere… just getting more comfortable.”

Ava nodded and allowed her to move. After a couple of minutes, they were lying down and Beatrice was spooning her.

“Try to rest.”

“Don’t go,” Ava pleaded softly again.

“Not going anywhere, I promise.”

The words were enough to make Ava relax completely and let herself go back to sleep. Beatrice kept watch for a long time, too worried about Ava.

Something was wrong and they needed to figure it all out sooner than later.

---------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading

[codenameclementine]

In the mood to feel lots of feelings? Want to read about an Avatrice make out session, a crisis of faith, and attempts to heal religious trauma? If yes, then boy do I have the chapter for you

Chapter 9 of my ongoing Avatrice fanfic is up!

[somereaderinblue]

Today is day 2 of Trigun Fanfiction Appreciation Week & with it, another rec list.

Gen AUs

Geranium Dreams by the_13th_battalion, rated T

Tangled AU where Vash is Rapunzel, WW is Flint & Conrad is Mother Gothel. Oh! And we can't forget the MVP: Kuroneko as Pascal!

promise of an ending by Altered_Karma, rated T

Although it does take elements from Tangled (re: locked in the tower!) it doesn't follow the movie's storyline. Instead, the author adds magical elements that don't involve long hair & another form of conflict. There's even fanart for this on twt.

Daylight (You Got Me Cursing The Daylight) by Sblurg, rated E

A Violet Evergarden AU we never asked for but absolutely needed. Full of angst & hurt/comfort that gives its inspo a run for its money.

Otherworldly by WarriorNun, rated M

Pacific Rim AU with its own dashes of worldbuilding & despite the apocalyptic setting it implies, has its share of comedic & slice-of-life moments.

The Courtship of Nicholas D Wolfwood by @screamingshark, rated M

Another fic I want to absolutely devour. A Modern AU where Plants are Mers. The author does a wonderful job of writing their courting rituals & culture in gen as well as plot twists & cliffhangers that drive you nuts. You can find fanart for it on their acc & some @poibeansart.

And Still Have Wings (with which to fly) by @alpha-hydra, rated E

Shape of Water AU where WW goes from fugitive/con-artist/former assassin to janitor & upon meeting Vash, is willing to go back to being a fugitive again if it means freedom. There's also fanart.

Show the symbol on your chest by @somereaderinblue, rated G

For a tiny bit of self-promotion a Superhero AU, more specifically a Teen Titans AU where Meryl is Robin, Milly is Starfire, WW is Beast Boy, Livio/Razlo is Cyborg & Vash is Raven. No knowledge of TT is necessary.

Tesla fics

cross my heart and hope to die by beelzebby666 & Lightning Rod by @needle-noggins, rated M

Both these fics explore the fact that Tristamp Elendira has Tesla's eye. They were done during Trigun Body Horror Week so heed the tags.

Happy by Plumerias_of_BlueMaroon, rated M

A heartbreaking Tesla POV. We know how this story goes, we know how it ends. We're simply seeing this story through her eyes & it's no less tragic. As someone who's studied child development, having to read this child look at how so many treat her & wonder 'What did I do wrong?' brings another level of hurt.

There Are Differences Between Our Hearts by Marley_Millions, rated T

Another Tesla POV fic where she expresses her frustrations to her sisters, the only ones who always listen to her through it all.

Run Red River (Run Home and Back Again) by PSIDontKnow, rated T

Tesla tears reality asunder for one simple reason: to find a universe where she is loved instead of martyred.

chrysanthemum by schrodingers__cat, rated T

The humans took many things from Tesla. Her autonomy, her body, her freedom, the concept of love, happiness & acceptance that didn't come with hurting. The only thing she wants back is her chance to be an older sister.

the half-extinguished light by reclamation, rated T

I accidentally discovered this fic while checking out their pfp & became intrigued by the Frankenstein concept. After reading it, I can't help but wonder who the true monster is. Is it Tesla/Vash? Is it Nai, who will soon become Millions Knives? Or maybe even Rem & Conrad, who were accomplices.

trouble comes in threes by @corgiss, rated T

TIME FOR SOME TESLA LIVES AUS! Here, we have them being NML's weird desert cryptids disaster siblings. There's also this fanart.

Sun, Moon, and Stars by @wendywhite13, rated T

Another Tesla Lives AU where Rem puts her foot down on day 1, causing a domino effect. This world is kinder, but it's still full of social & political challenges the family has to navigate through together.

Purple Hyacinth AU by @somereaderinblue, rated T & G

My own Age-Reversal + Role Swap AU where Tesla lives because in this world, she was born last while Vash was born first.

VW fics

sex shop/mortician by @sascake, rated E & M

As the title implies, Vash owns a sex shop, WW is a mortician & they have kids. It's always interesting to see Vash with jobs other than a baker or florist in a modern AU.

Eye to Eye by severalspoons, rated T

Reminder that for all his goofiness, Vash is the most perceptive character in-universe. Despite this, he chooses to love someone with a mask just as ironclad as his own.

Tomas Fried Rice by InkedEntropy, rated G

VW cook fried rice together, and then Vash cooks it alone.

My Body's Moving Into Retrograde by Sacramental_Wine, rated E.

Vash never hesitates to give his love & body, WW makes him receive it for once.

The Wall by Dezace, rated T

Canon-divergence wherein Knives captures Vash the Stampede decades before canon, allowing him to meet WW before he became the Punisher.

upon broken wings by maxxstrom, rated E

If I had a nickel for everytime I found a VW fic where they met as EoM captives, I'd have two nickels. Not a lot, but it's happened twice. Unlike the prev fic, this is a world where Vash stayed with Knives, never becoming the Stampede. However, this means he meets a WW who's yet to hit cynicism rock-bottom. Vash becomes WW's saint & he in turn becomes Vash's salvation.

And that's all I have for day 2. Hope you enjoy the fics & leave a kudo/comment for the respective author, have it be on AO3 or Tumblr. I wish all my fellow Trigun fans/artists/writers a good time!

[avatrice-week]

Today is day #1 of Avatrice Week and the prompt is "Fake Dating or Undercover".

Feel free to post fics and art to tumblr (Avatrice Week) and twitter (#AvatriceWeek) and post both here: archiveofourown.org/collections/Av…

More info here:

#SaveWarriorNun #WarriorNun #Avatrice

[trustsn01]

FYI

Avatrice Short 10 also has a more fleshed out version on Ao3.

[viktuurificwriters]

AO3 Writer: WarriorNun

Username on AO3: WarriorNun

URL on Tumblr: @sumi-ink-ninja

Name: WarriorNun

Nickname: N/A

Date started writing YOI fanfiction: February 6, 2017

Preferred Genres in Writing: Romance, comedy, urban fantasy, crossovers

Works: Victuuri Myths and Legends and Gems!!! on ICE 

About: Nothing much to say but I’ve been told that I express myself the most in my writing, not to mention take something that is considered the typical scenario that you find in fanfiction and try to break the mold in some way, give something that the readers would look forward to. I got my first start in writing fanfiction on fanfiction.net until one incident lead me to Archive of Our Own. From there, I was free of restrictions and made sure to post anything I want underneath the more lax guidelines. I have a habit of leaving certain stories unfinished but I try my best to proceed as much as I can with the current schedule I have. YOI gave me so much ideas that I wanted to play around with nowadays and hopefully I could share those ideas to the public slowly but surely. Check out my works if you like pop culture references, fourth wall breaking jokes, and some awkward situations! ^^

[soulnb42]

Times Like These (part 7)

AO3

Beatrice was startled out of her slumber by Ava’s agitation. She stood up and made her way to the bed. Within two minutes she was in bed, holding Ava to her.

Their talk at the lake had helped Ava to get over the roadblock that was impairing during training. Now, she was able to tap into the Halo. It had helped opening the channel of communication as well. That being said, it hadn’t made a dent into Ava’s night time struggles.

Ava had yet to have a quiet night of sleep. Every single night since they had arrived in Switzerland, she had been tossing and turning, fighting off bad dreams. There had been three very bad nights when Halo had surged in the midst of it all. Most nights though, Ava was only crying in her sleep.

Beatrice was a light sleeper, so she’d always wake up as soon as Ava was becoming agitated. She’d hold Ava in a tight embrace and whispered soothing words. Sometimes Ava calmed down immediately, sometimes she’d wake up in alarm. Beatrice would simply rock her back to sleep, all the while assuring Ava that she was safe and everything was okay.

The light jolt and sharp intake of breath indicated to Beatrice that Ava had escaped the grip of whatever bad dream had plagued her.

Ava put her hands on the arm Beatrice had around her chest and squoze, as if to assure her that she was awake and Beatrice was really there. The gesture was familiar by now, in fact Ava did the same every time she woke up.

Beatrice felt the slight tremor of Ava’s body, she listened as Ava tried to get her breath slowly back in control. She didn’t prompt Ava to talk. She had on other occasions but Ava never wanted to, so she never pushed, not wanting to add to Ava’s distress.

Ava leant against Beatrice, resting her cheek on Beatrice’s forearm. The nightmare hadn’t seemed too intense, but whatever it was, it had rattled Ava because suddenly she was crying, her body shaken with silent sobs.

Beatrice tightened her embrace. She was at a complete loss. She couldn’t think of anything to say either. She had never been good at comfort. It wasn’t that she didn’t know when people needed comfort, because she did, she was very much an empath. It was just that she never knew what to say or do, to alleviate one’s pain.

This was Camilla’s area of expertise. Camilla always knew what to do or say to keep the morale up, to make things okay, give hope, reassure and comfort. 

Well, that was it… what would Camilla do?

“The sun has gone and forgotten me…” Beatrice started to sing with a soft but unsteady voice.

Beatrice didn’t remember why or how the topic had come to be discussed, but she had once mentioned one of the very few good family-related memory she had to Camilla. One of the only good things she had preserved really: a song. One day long after having shared that memory with her, Camilla had sung it back to Beatrice when she was down and it had immediately lifted her spirits up, as if Camilla had known she had only needed a little reminder.

She didn’t know if the song would have the same soothing effect on Ava, but right now, it was all she had so, she committed to it in all her awkward glory.

“…somebody told me, I don’t know who, whenever you are sad and blue…”

She rocked them gently along the song, she was singing it slower, turning it into a lullaby.

“…Hang on things will be alright, even when it’s dark and not a bit of sparkling, sing-song sunshine from above spreading rays of sunny love, just hang on…”

Ava was emotionally exhausted. Just breathing was near impossible, emotions, like an anvil were weighing onto her chest. She couldn’t even put words to describe her bad dreams, but the feeling of dread, the cold sweat, the fear, the anxiety, the terror, all of it was real and tenfold.

She was surprised at the sound of Beatrice’s voice, but she gave it her full attention. If she was a boat caught up in a storm of terror, Beatrice was that hopeful lighthouse in the distance, guiding her back to safe shores.

“…and so I hold on to this advice, when change is hard and not so nice…”

Beatrice didn’t think she was a good singer, but kept on with her song if only because it seemed to have the intended pacifying effect on Ava.

Ava hung onto Beatrice’s voice and her embrace. She focused on the warmth, the softness; she let the song fill her, guide her mind back in the moment. She was safe.

“…if you listen to your heart the whole night through, your sunny someday will come one day soon to you.”

The song came to an end, but Beatrice kept on with her soft rocking motion. In a silent thank you, Ava delivered a lingering kiss on the forearm across her shoulders.

After a few seconds, Beatrice rearranged her position as the big spoon and Ava put her hand over the one Beatrice had on her stomach, entwining their fingers.

Ava eventually fell asleep again, Beatrice watched over her for almost forty minutes before giving in to her own exhaustion.

xxxOxxx

When Ava woke up, the first rays of dawn were piercing through the window. She wasn’t surprised at the fact that Beatrice was no longer in bed. It didn’t matter how many times Beatrice lull her back to sleep after a nightmare, she was never there in the morning.  Ava wondered if she went back to sleep on the couch once she, herself, was asleep again.

With a sigh, she sat up and rubbed her face. She listened for movement but there was none, so she deduced that Beatrice was out for a morning walk or run. She got out of bed and started her own morning routine.

By the time Beatrice came back to the apartment, Ava had showered, dressed and made the bed.

“Morning,” Beatrice said when she spotted Ava eating cereals at the kitchen table.

“Morning.”

Ava took note of the light sheen of sweat and tilted her head when a thought occurred to her. “Don’t you think it’s weird that you go for a run before our training session?” she asked.

“Why is it weird?”

“Well, you always start our training session with a run… so if you go for a run before that run… it’s like… rehearsing a rehearsal,” Ava shrugged.

“I’m just… warming up,” Beatrice replied. “Besides, I need all the stamina I can get to keep up with you, because I don’t have an ancient artifact powering me up.”

It wasn’t a lie, Beatrice had to train herself on top of their regular training to keep up her shape. But if she was honest her pre-training morning run was just a way for her to clear her head.

She always felt unnerved in the morning after spending the night watching over Ava and holding her through the night. She knew things would have been different had she been in exile with Camilla, or Lilith or Mary. There was something about Ava. Their connexion had been different from the beginning, but it had truly changed when they had been training at Arctech to prepare their Vatican mission.

It was easy to ignore whatever that thing she felt was on a normal day, but their confinement, her worry about Ava and the constant proximity changed everything. Things long buried were trying to surface and Beatrice couldn’t allow that.

So, she ran. She pushed herself physically to keep her mind off it. By the time she was back, she generally felt centred again, in control.

“I do see your point, I still think it’s kind of weird,” Ava stated with a smirk.

“Whatever,” Beatrice rolled her eyes. “Let me shower and change, then we’ll go train.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

xxxOxxx

After their training they had come back to the apartment, stayed long enough to freshen up and have lunch, then they had gone to the bar for their shift.

After a long day, they were eating dinner, at least Beatrice was, Ava was pushing her food around. Beatrice had noticed how during the day Ava’s mood had improved when they had been training or working, but now it had shifted back to something darker.

Ava had a luminous personality. She was always upbeat as a general rule, seemingly finding something to smile about at every turn. Beatrice was no fool, she knew some of Ava’s joking and ‘can’t-take-anything-seriously’ nonchalant attitude was a defence mechanism, but there was also a genuine sense of constant wonder at the world around her.

Beatrice assumed that Ava was just catching up. After all, she had been confined in one room, prisoner of a bed and unable to feel anything for a very long time.

Ava was full of life so as a result, when her mood was down, it was unsettling and impossible to ignore.

“Not to your taste?” Beatrice broke the silence effectively pulling Ava back from her thoughts.

Ava looked up in a daze, then she seemed to realize what she had been doing. “No, it’s good,” she shook her head.

A memory of being force-fed a mixture so horrid it could barely qualify as food, and then being severely berated for avoiding it popped into her head.

“I’m sorry, I know I should stop being an ungrateful brat and eat, there are people starving…” she mumbled bitterly.

Beatrice frowned, surprised by the vitriolic words. She knew that tone though, enough to deduce those words weren’t Ava’s but had been drilled into her repeatedly enough to leave a mark. Beatrice had plenty of those toxic gems in the recess of her own mind, luckily, she knew how to deal with that kind of things.

“Actually, you don’t have to eat if you don’t want to,” Beatrice pointed out. She made sure to be gentle with her tone so Ava knew everything was fine. “There’s this thing called a food container and this even more amazing device called a fridge. The combined use of the two allows us to save food from being wasted.”

Ava hiccupped with amusement. “You don’t say.”

“Mind-blowing, I know,” Beatrice kept on with her teasing.

Ava stared at her for a long moment, her expression brightened a little but to Beatrice, the lightness seemed a bit forced. “I was talking to Hanz today,” Ava said non sequitur. “About what it was like to be a bartender. One of the things struck me as funny. He said something about people confiding in him and how there was this unwritten rule in the bartending world that as a bartender he was like a priest, bonded to secrecy.”

Beatrice listened attentively, waiting to see the point Ava was trying to make. “So…”Ava dragged the word out. “Technically, you’re a priest now. Well, a priestess.”

Beatrice felt her eyebrows trying to reach her hairline and couldn’t hold the surprised snort of amusement that passed her lips. She didn’t think Ava’s mind would ever cease to amaze her, with its unpredictability. “Right,” she nodded with a playful frown. “Anything you want to confess then, child?” she asked with a mock serious tone.

She had meant her question as a joke, so the abrupt mood shift confused her. The grin on Ava’s lips was sad and permeated with something Beatrice couldn’t quite identify.

Ava turned her attention back to her plate and started pushing food again. She did have a confession to make. The thought of it alone was like a thick dark fog coiling around her, slowly constricting her chest, cutting her air supply, squeezing fear and anxiety back to the surface.

On pure survival instinct her mind latched onto the first thing it could to fight her way back to a safe mental space. That thing turned out to be the echoes of Beatrice’s voice singing to her the previous night.

“The song…” Ava frowned. “What was it about?” she looked back up at Beatrice.

That second non sequitur threw Beatrice for a loop. By now Beatrice was used to Ava’s mind going in unexpected direction, but it was always a steady stream. Right now, it all seemed off, somehow.  

Beatrice couldn’t explain the sense of unease that was nagging at her, she didn’t like it either. She wanted to ask what was wrong, but her instinct told her it was best to blindly hop onto Ava’s train of thoughts without questioning its origin or destination.

“It’s…hum…” she stammered a little before mentally shaking herself. “It’s about a sad little tomato.”

Ava nodded absentmindedly, the corners of her mouth barely lifting up in a failed attempt to grin. “I liked it…”

Before Ava could slip away in her thoughts again, Beatrice added. “My older sister used to sing it,” she paused and then shrugged. “She’d sing almost all the time and this one was one of her favourites. She’d sing it to me when I was upset, or to cheer me up or lull me to sleep.”

Ava’s attention was back on her food, she seemed mesmerized by the slow movements of her fork

“My mother used to sing all the time too. I don’t remember a lot but I remember that.”

Ava felt the familiar ache in her chest at the thought of her mother.

She had been seven when the car accident that claimed her mother’s life had happened. She had been old enough to have a florilegium of memories, but too young for those to be solid and fully timeproof.

If it hadn’t been for Sister Emelyne’s kindness, Sister Frances’ cruelty would have corroded all of Ava’s memories, reducing her mother to nothing but a fleeting, nebulous souvenir.

“Things weren’t…great at the orphanage…” Ava murmured.

Beatrice could count on one hand the instances Ava had mentioned her time at the orphanage. The one constant in those moments was the forlorn expression on Ava’s face.

Maybe it was because she had spent more time with Ava than the others but Beatrice had picked up on the unsaid and subtle cues; it was in some jokes Ava made with depreciating or acidic undertones, in the minute flinches at times as if Ava was expecting a bad touch. Many little details that could easily be missed had led Beatrice to conclude that Ava had been hurt emotionally and physically at some point.  

“Every morning, for the couple of minutes when I was still caught in a sleepy daze, I’d think I had a crazy nightmare where I was paralyzed and alone because my mother was gone…” Ava’s chuckle was bitter. “Then I’d open my eyes only to realize that it was all real.”

The despair Ava had felt then was starting to bubble back up to the surface. She had cried so much during those first days, calling out for her mother every time she’d wake up.

Ava cleared her throat when tears started to prickle her eyes. “One day, Sister Emelyne, she was the kind one,” the fact that Ava had to specify the character of one of her caretaker only confirmed Beatrice’s suspicions of abuse. “She tried to reassure me by saying that my mom would never be really gone as long as I thought about her, remembered her…that only made me cry harder because I had already started to forget…”

Between the accident, being paralyzed, being told every day by Sister Frances how much of a burden she was, how no one cared enough to look for her, the souvenirs of her mother had been fading fast.

“The day after, she came back with a small box, no bigger than a shoe box. She had gone through the belongings that had been brought with me at the orphanage, what had survived the car crash. She had put things from my mother in the box, things that would help me remember.”

It hadn’t been much: a bottle of perfume, a silver necklace, bracelets, two journals – one full and one freshly started, a small sketchbook, a wallet and a book. Small precious treasures, the last traces her mother had left behind.

To Ava, the most prized items had been the journals, pieces of her mother’s mind, thoughts, hope, dreams and her struggles. They had found a dozen of photographs stuck in the pages; pictures of Ava as a toddler, pictures of her mother with people, of landscapes, picture of the both of them. Ava’s favourite picture though, had been used as a bookmark in the book her mother had been reading. It had been taken at her seventh birthday, the both of them beaming at the camera.

All of Ava’s memories had flooded back to the forefront of her mind upon seeing the objects. That day she had felt a tad bit better thanks to Sister Emelyne.

To this day, Ava doubted Sister Emelyne really knew how cruel Sister Frances was, but it was no secret that Sister Frances was feared and not well liked, so Sister Emelyne had made sure the box was well hidden and only took it out whenever she was the one attending to Ava’s care.

Now that box, Ava’s only possessions, was still hidden in the wall of her room at the orphanage, behind two broken tiles. One day, hopefully, she’d get it back.

“You know over the years, there were days I couldn’t remember my mother’s face or the colour of her eyes, but the one thing I’ve always remembered clearly was her voice. The sound of it when she spoke, when she laughed or sung.”

Ava looked up and smiled sadly. “She sung all the time. One of her favourite songs was ‘feeling good’.”

It had taken quite a while for Ava to find the name of the song. She sung it to herself a lot, she had forgotten the lyrics but the melody was clear. Sister Emelyne had surprised her one day with a tape with Nina Simone’s version on it, as well other songs Ava had been able to remember. That day, Ava had cried tears of joy.

“Birds flying high… you know how I feel,” Ava sung the first verse then stopped.

“Oh yeah, that is a good song,” Beatrice agreed.

Ava nodded. “It got me through the bad days.”

That song and the others had helped her mute Sister Frances’ cruel words. Ava had developed other ways to escape over the years, but during the darkest time, her mother’s songs had been the ultimate shield, maternal protection at its finest.

Once again Beatrice picked up on the unsaid. That last statement let her know that Ava’s bad days at the orphanage far outnumbered the good ones.

“I didn’t kill myself.”

If Beatrice hadn’t already known that information, that third non sequitur would have virtually knocked her out. As it was, even though she hadn’t expected them to go down that road, she was able to contain her surprise and keep up with Ava.

“You’ve told me once. I believed you.”

Ava’s jaw worked for a few seconds but no sound came. “I was murdered.”

Beatrice was so stunned by Ava’s statement, her mind went blank for several seconds.

“Sister Frances killed me,” Ava specified. “Those were the drugs in my system.”

Beatrice didn’t say anything, she had the gut feeling that there was more to that revelation.

There was fear in Ava’s eyes, but also something else. It took Beatrice a moment to pinpoint it, she frowned when it finally clicked.

Guilt.

Ava was ridden with guilt, but at this moment that didn’t make any sense.

For a second, Beatrice feared Ava would clam up but her silence turned out to be the perfect prompt in the end.

“I had a friend at the orphanage, my roommate, Diego.” Warm affection tinted Ava’s voice. “Sweet boy, we used to laugh a lot,” a smile lit up her face.

There was a long pause, Ava’s expression darkened again. “When I was running away with JC, I put all the pieces together. I finally figured it all out, how I died,” she continued. “And I knew, deep down in my guts I knew Sister Frances was about to do the same to Diego. I don’t know how I knew but I did.”

Ava pushed her plate away and balled her fists to cover the fact that her hands were shaking. “I ran to the orphanage and I made it just in time because… she was about to kill him.”

Bile was burning the back of Ava’s throat. If it hadn’t been for the Halo the outcome of that particular night would have been different, for all of them.

She bit her lips and looked at Beatrice. A part of her was screaming at her not to say any more. If she was honest, Ava dreaded what Beatrice would think of her once she knew what she had done. On the other hand, she couldn’t bear the weight of that secret anymore.

“I confronted her about murdering me, you know? Because it dawned on me that I wasn’t her first…”

A cold frisson ran down Ava spine as she remembered the feeling of horror when she finally saw the big picture.

“She laughed… gloating about having lost count of the years.”

Breathe. Beatrice had to remind herself to breathe. She needed to temper her emotions because she knew, she knew as dark as Ava’s story was, it was about to get darker.

“Years…years, Beatrice. Can you imagine how many…” Ava trailed off. “She went on saying that she was a saviour, giving her life to look after us, freeing our souls, releasing us into the arms of God…”

Ava heard the venom pouring from her voice. Anger was burning through her veins again, just like it did that night.

There was a pause then Ava cleared throat before continuing. “She murdered me again,” Ava let out a bitter laugh. “I’m probably the only person on the planet who can say they’ve been murdered twice.”

Everything came back full force. The burning of her lungs as they had ceased their function, her struggle to breathe, her whole body turning into heavy lead… life slowly and painfully leaving her body.

“I was dying while she laughed… she was literally cackling, enjoying herself…”

Ava shook her head to get rid of the souvenir. “Only this time, the Halo protected me, it brought me back again.”

That night and every day since, Ava has told herself that it was self-defence… that she protected Diego and herself. In spite of all that, she knew that what she had done was wrong. Also, she couldn’t deny that there had been a second maybe two, when her rage had taken over, when she had wanted to hurt Sister Frances. She had just defended herself afterward, but those two seconds had happened.

Ava looked at Beatrice. She knew that with her next words everything would change. She just hoped she wouldn’t lose her friend.

“I grabbed her neck…”

The words came out so low Beatrice had to strain her ears. When she registered them, cement settled in the pit of her stomach.

“I just wanted her to stop laughing… then she attacked me and…” Ava unclenched her fists, and stared at her open palms. Those hands had hurt and they were hers.

“I just wanted her to stop laughing,” she repeated with a hint of despair, she needed Beatrice to believe her. “I didn’t realise my strength…” she looked up at Beatrice again. “Her neck…” her voice failed her. She cleared her throat and plough on. “Her neck snapped… but I didn’t mean to do it… I didn’t mean to do it.”

Ava’s breathing shortened and became heavier as if there was little to no oxygen in the room. “I killed someone… that’s my confession,” she added in a rush with a glance in Beatrice’s direction.

The harder she tried to breathe and the more her lungs burnt from the lack of oxygen. Ava stood up abruptly and turned to the sink. She braced herself against it, certain she would empty her guts and, or, pass out in any minute.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, could have prepared Beatrice for that bombshell.

Beatrice was overwhelmed by a myriad of emotions. Emotions she felt for Ava, on behalf of Ava and for herself. She took a deep breath, immediately shutting them all out. She’d have time later to analyse and deal with her feelings, now there was more important things to do.

She got onto her feet and silently approached the body slumped over the sink. Ava was heaving, her grip on the counter was so tight her knuckles were white, and despite her tensed, rigid stance, her body was shaking all over.

Although when on a mission, they primarily incapacitated or wounded whoever they fought against, Beatrice knew her hands had killed. More than once. She had come to term with it. She was a sister warrior and as such she had to accept that while Death was no friend, it was no stranger either.

In any circumstances, the strongest moral compass and the best intentions never truly justified taking a life. They did help to cope with it and appease conscience though. Still, a life was a life. Regardless of any other considerations, Beatrice was of the opinion that all lives should be valued equally. Thinking that some lives mattered more than others was a slippery slope toward extremes. Deciding who should live or die was a power that didn’t belong in any person’s hands.

Beatrice could tell Ava that Sister Frances was a monster with a God complex and no regards for life. She could tell her that although her action was not right, she had effectively saved herself, her friend Diego and who knows how many future victims. She could tell all those things.

She didn’t.

She didn’t say any of those things because she knew nothing she could say would alleviate that particular burden off Ava’s shoulders at that very moment. Ava would have to come to term with it on her own. Beatrice would help of course and be there every step, to talk it through and figure the path toward acceptance.

She gingerly put a hand on Ava’s back. Ava startled at the touch. Beatrice didn’t move, patiently waiting. It took a minute but eventually Ava dared to look at her. Amidst the maelstrom of emotions swirling into Ava’s eyes, guilt, fear and apprehension were the most prominent ones.

Beatrice cradled Ava’s face gently with her other hand then pull her closer. Ava didn’t resist and wrapped her arms around Beatrice in a bone crushing embrace.

Ava took a deep breath and the dam of her emotions broke loose.

Beatrice held on, solid as a rock while gut wrenching sobs shook Ava.

“In my dreams…” Ava hiccupped. “I’m paralyzed again… and she kills everyone… Diego… JC… and you and the others…” her breath was short and unsteady. “She’s laughing and… I can’t do anything but watch…”

Fresh tears doubled on Ava’s cheeks as haunting images from her nightmare came to the front of her mind. Every night, Ava was in her own version of Hell as soon as she closed her eyes.

“… and then she comes for me.”

On a good day, that was when Ava would wake up. On bad days, Frances turned into Adriel and if Ava was terrified when Frances was laughing and hurting people, there was no qualifier for when Adriel took her place.

Ava tightened the embrace trying to absorb Beatrice’s strength and warmth, letting it all wash over her and sip in through to chase away the cold of dread that was running into her veins.

Ava’s relief was incommensurable now that her secret was out. She breathed a little better. She knew it would take a long time before her action stopped haunting her (if it ever truly did), but at least now it would stop eating at her from within.

When she was confessing to Beatrice, the sound of bones snapping, how it had all felt in her hands…everything had come back to her so vividly she had felt sick.

She had expected bad things, judgement, words of reprimand, disgust… she had expected Beatrice to walk away from her. Instead, she had nearly jumped out of her skin at Beatrice’s delicate touch. She had been surprised when she had been brave enough to look up, only compassion and understanding had shone in Beatrice’s eyes.

It had taken the smallest nudge for her to melt into Beatrice’s arms, overwhelmed with emotion Ava had finally broken down.

Beatrice held Ava, she made sure she was breathing in and out slowly, subtly forcing Ava to match her, pacifying her. When she felt Ava’s fists unclenched around her shirt, Beatrice loosened her hold just a little bit and Ava pulled away and looked up at her.

They stared at one another. Neither spoke. Ava’s gratitude was silent but Beatrice heard it loud and clear all the same.

Ava took a step back, completely breaking their embrace. “I’m…tired…I think I’ll go to bed,” she announced with a small nod.

Beatrice acquiesced at her statement and watched her leave the kitchen. She took a deep breath, held it in then exhaled deeply. She’d need a moment to process everything, but not tonight. She chose to focus on cleaning the kitchen to keep her mind of the past few minutes.

She was finishing the dishes when she heard the bathroom door open again. She turned and faced Ava who was standing there awkwardly. With her slightly hunched posture and the way she was swaying from foot to foot, Ava seemed small, younger, to Beatrice.

“You know… you may as well share the bed with me from the beginning. That’s most likely where you’ll end up anyway,” Ava said with an uneasy chuckle.

Ava had a point, Beatrice knew she did, but… well, there was a discomfort she really didn’t want to dwell on. She didn’t want think about that tug she felt when she was holding Ava. It didn’t occur when she was focused on comforting her, no, it’d happen after, during the hour or so she’d keep watching over Ava after she’d fall asleep again.

She would feel the dull tingle of something warm and electric trying to bloom in her chest, in her whole being really. Something that felt good but that she’d instinctively want to repress because she could hear those nagging voices in the back of her mind telling her how wrong it all was among other things. She had spent a lifetime smothering those voices, burying them in the dark recess of her psyche. The very last thing she wanted was for them to be loose again, free, and loud.

Beatrice’s silence was unbearable to Ava. Sure, she had showed understanding and compassion earlier, but now that her confession had had time to truly sink in, Ava was overwhelmed with fear. Maybe Beatrice was disgusted with her after all, maybe she saw her as a monster.

She had just confessed to literal murder, and the thought of losing her friend over it was killing her.

“Do you mind sharing the bed with me?” she asked in one breath. “It’s just that… I feel better… safer when you’re near,” she admitted.

Ava didn’t wait for an answer and turned around to go to bed. She got on her side and forced her eyes closed. Maybe she’d fall asleep rapidly then and wouldn’t have to face an eventual rejection.

Tonight emotional rollercoaster had left her raw. She felt so vulnerable right now she knew she’d probably cry if Beatrice went to the couch. She needed her friend. And something as ridiculous and simple as sharing the bed would let her know that everything was fine, that nothing she had said had changed things between them.

Also, if she was honest, Ava craved Beatrice’s closeness right now. She hadn’t lied when saying that she felt safer with Beatrice by her side.

She heard Beatrice moving around the apartment for her night routine. The sound of the light switch echoed loudly in the silence when Beatrice turned off the light, then there was a long pause. Ava held her breath and sent a silent plea to the universe.

I feel…safer when you’re near

Ava’s words echoed in Beatrice’s mind. Whatever discomfort she felt was ridiculous and irrelevant right now. Ava needed her and that was all that mattered.

After a brief hesitation, she walked to the bed and lied down awkwardly on her back with her arms along her body. She felt tensed, and berated herself for it. She stared at the ceiling and concentrated on her breathing, trying to relax.

Should she hold Ava?

No, probably not, that would be weird. It was one thing to hold her when she was having a nightmare, it was another to initiate that kind of contact out of the blue.

The relief that washed over Ava upon feeling the pressure on the bed, was indescribable. After a couple of minutes, she rolled over to get on her other side so she was facing Beatrice. She cradled Beatrice’s hand in both of her own.

“Thank you,” she murmured.

She made out Beatrice’s little nod in the darkness and felt the small squeeze around her fingers. That was all the assurance she needed. Those gestures, as small as they were, let her know that nothing had changed between them, she still had her friend.

She still had her friend.

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The songs are 'Hang on Little Tomato' by Pink Martini and 'Feeling Good' by Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse (Nina Simone and Michael Buble both have very cool interpretations).

Thanks for reading

[soulnb42]

Times Like These (part 6)

AO3

Part 6

Beatrice slowed her pace then came to a stop when Ava caught up with her. Ava immediately bent over, holding her knees, her lungs were burning with the exertion, so much so she was practically wheezing.

“I think… I prefer when… you kick my butt,” Ava stated, still trying to catch her breath. “Never… thought I’d say that… and mean it…”

Beatrice laughed softly. She had made them run at a steady pace through an uneven terrain across the wood for almost an hour. She had meant for it to be a warm up, but seeing how it had taken the wind out of Ava, she made a mental note to add a little more cardio in their daily training routine.

Ava was still heaving when she straightened up. She looked at Beatrice incredulously. “I’m pretty sure… I’ve lost a lung back there,” she pointed a thumb over her shoulder. “And you’re… not even winded…” she rolled her eyes. “…figures.”

Beatrice stretched a bit then just sat down and enjoyed the scenery. They had reached a lake; the view was quite stunning with the mountains in the background. Ava dropped on the floor next to her, she was still breathing heavily but her lungs were no longer on fire.

“Do you want to talk about last night?”

Beatrice’s question took her by surprise. She felt a shiver run down her spine at the memory of her nightmare and shook her head vehemently. “Not really, no.”

“Okay,” Beatrice nodded. “I’m here if you ever change your mind.”

Ava nodded to acknowledge the offer but didn’t say anything else.

They remained quiet for a long time. Beatrice looked at Ava and she could see the dark cloud hovering above her head. So far, she had let Ava on her own devices, but today she knew she would push her to talk. They needed to get to the core of what was bothering her.

Last night, when she was watching over Ava after her nightmare, she had an epiphany. Well, not so much an epiphany than a reminder. The Halo was tied to Ava’s emotions. So, she had put herself in Ava’s shoes and it occurred to her that Ava was afraid and maybe she didn’t want to fight.

It was easy to forget that Ava had not been prepared for the Halo. Every bearer before her had been trained beforehand, they had accepted the assignment willingly. Mother Superion had been ready, Shannon had been ready, and even if things hadn’t gone according to plan

Ava…had been thrown into a brand-new world, a world that expected her to fight and die for it.

It was unfair. She had been given another life only for it to come with insane caveats.

Then Beatrice had remembered the note Ava had left behind that time she had run away from the OCS: I want to live.

It was that simple.

Beatrice had thought long and hard, in the end she came to a decision that went against everything she was standing for, but one that was at least fair to Ava, consequences be damned.

“This is a nice place,” Beatrice mused aloud. “The décor is beautiful, it’s quiet and peaceful, people are nice… you could have a good life here.”

She felt Ava’s gaze on her, but kept on watching the scenery. “I could tell the others you’ve escaped my watch, while making sure they never find you,” she shrugged.

Ava stared at Beatrice, when their eyes met, she scrutinized her face for a long moment. Was Beatrice serious?  Would she really do that?

Beatrice looked at her with her usual benevolent soft grin, and just like that Ava knew, that yes, she meant it. Beatrice would lie for her and give her a chance at another life.

Ava nodded before looking away.

It was a tempting offer, an illusory one, but tempting still. She knew from experience that ‘simple’ and ‘normal’ were no longer an option for her, at least as long as the Halo was embedded in her back.

The way she saw it, there were three options. One, trying to get rejected by the Halo and potentially go back to being dead; two, fighting Adriel and most likely dying; or three, hiding and pretending the world wasn’t burning around her. Option three came with another caveat: she’d be on her own; sure Beatrice would be there but only from afar. If that was the price of ‘normal’ then she didn’t want it. Not to mention that Adriel would eventually find her and would most likely kill her because she wouldn’t have had any training whatsoever.

So… pestilence, cholera or plague, those were her options.

“You don’t owe anything to anyone,” Beatrice added as if reading her mind.

Ava closed her eyes and exhaled deeply. “I kind of do though. If it wasn’t for me, Adriel would still be locked in a tomb,” she muttered.

She didn’t know Adriel’s agenda, but something told her that hugs and cuddles were not on it. She couldn’t bear the idea of more people getting hurt because of her.

“It’s kind of my mess to clean up.”

“Our mess,” Beatrice corrected her.

“Right…” Ava snorted dejectedly 

“We are a team, Ava,” Beatrice said firmly. “Whatever burden you carry, you don’t have to do it alone, you can lean on me.”

There was something overwhelming reassuring to know that she had Beatrice by her side, that she was her ride or die team mate. Somehow, she doubted she would have felt as safe with anyone else.

“You can trust me.”

“I trust you!” Ava exclaimed.

“Then talk to me,” Beatrice prompted her gently.

Ava sighed heavily. She didn’t want to admit what had been weighing heavily on her mind, but Beatrice was right, they were a team. More importantly, at the moment and who knows for how long, they only had each other; that meant she couldn’t keep shutting Beatrice out.

“I’m useless…” she admitted in a mumble.

She felt Beatrice’s gaze on her but refused to meet her eyes.

Beatrice was truly confused and didn’t get where Ava was coming from with that statement.

“We are a team and I’m supposed to be the leader… but I can’t pull my own weight.”

Sensing that there was much more to unpack, Beatrice remained silent, patiently waiting for Ava to get it all out.

“We had to leave the others behind, because I couldn’t pull my own weight,” Ava continued “We’ve been here for 10 days and if it wasn’t for you, I’d probably be sleeping under a bridge because I can’t pull my own weight!” the more she spoke the more agitated Ava got, her voice growing louder.

“I can’t…” she grunted in frustration. “But you… you know what to do, you always know what to do… I mean… within two days you… stocked the apartment with everything we may need on a day-to-day basis… you’d scouted the place for training space… put down a training program… Geez… you even secured us a job at the local bar…”

She pulled aggressively at some blades of grass and threw them away. “I couldn’t have done any of that… because I don’t know any of that stuff… so far, all I do is waiting on you for directives and sucking hard at training!”

She shook her head. “How am I supposed to lead when I can’t even do the simplest things?”

Beatrice was no stranger to pressure. Holding herself to the highest standards was her MO, but Ava was taking that to another level. If she was honest, had she been in Ava’s shoes she didn’t think she would have cope half as well as Ava had. Clearly Ava wasn’t giving herself any credit.

“Ava…” Beatrice didn’t really know where to start. She rubbed a hand over her forehead. After a second, she decided to tackle every point from the easiest to the hardest. “I’ve lived on my own and had to find a job before the OCS… however brief those periods in my life were, I’ve had the opportunities to face those situations and therefore learn, but rest assured I was as clueless as you before that.”

She paused to give Ava a moment to take her words in.

After a minute she continued. “You were in car crash when you were seven, spent over a decade being paralyzed, you died… then you were revived by the Halo and thrown into a world where you were forced to fight literal demons…” she held a finger out for every instance she enumerated. “I think we can agree on the fact that all of this did not leave that many opportunities to learn about mundane stuff,” Beatrice pointed out. “To be honest, you have faired pretty well, all things considered, so cut yourself some slack.”

Beatrice’s perspective on things did make sense, Ava thought.

“You suck at training… well yeah, but then again that is the point of training. You suck now, so you won’t suck on the field. You may suck but you’re putting the work and that’s all that matters,” she sensed Ava’s protest coming but cut her off. “You do, always have. Case in point, you went from getting stuck in walls to crossing twenty feet of concrete and more. Do you have a lot to learn? Yes, but we’re just getting started our new regimen, so again, cut yourself some slack.”

Beatrice took a deep breath as she launched onto the last point. She understood Ava’s guilt over what had happened in the Vatican, she felt it as well. Unlike Ava though, she knew that their escape had been the only viable option.

“You did pull your weight in the Vatican. The mission went belly-up but it wasn’t because of you. You did what you were supposed to.”

They were all mislead and betrayed by Father Vincent, he was the only one to know what they were walking into.

“We left because…”

“It was the best of our options,” Beatrice finished. “We are warriors not kamikazes. That means we don’t engage in a conflict without a complete understanding of our odds. That night, we were outnumbered, under geared and more importantly we were not prepared for such a fight.”

“If Shannon had been there…” Ava tried to insist once more but was cut off again.

“The outcome would have been the same. We might have fought 5 minutes more but in the end, we’d have retreated to ensure her safety,” Beatrice countered firmly.

Ava sighed in resignation. She was hearing Beatrice but it was hard to accept.

“I’m not saying that to make you feel better Ava. It’s the truth, plain and simple.”

“Okay…” Ava finally conceded. “I just wish, there had been another way,” she added in a whisper.

“I know, so do I.”

They fell into silence again. Contemplating the scenery.

Ava watched her hand caressing the grass, she closed her eyes to focus on the sensation. It didn’t matter how much time had passed since she had recovered all of her senses. The fact that she could just feel never ceased to amaze her. Every single day she was grateful at the simple fact that she could experience everything through her senses.

“I’m scared,” she finally confessed to Beatrice.

She didn’t specify anything because her fear was encompassing so much. She was terrified of being alone, of being paralyzed again, of losing sensation in her body, of dying…

“So am I,” Beatrice replied.

Ava looked at Beatrice in surprise. Beatrice always seemed unphased by anything, so strong and confident, like she could take on the whole world by herself. To have her admit that she was scared, was… unnerving. It was oddly comforting at the same time.

“I hate not knowing what’s coming next… not having a real sense of direction.”

“Yeah, that definitely sucks.”

“The only way I know how to cope is to focus on what we can control,” Beatrice continued. “From my experience dwelling on the rest is just feeding our fears and making things worse.”

Ava chuckled. “There you go… knowing what to do, yet again,” she teased with a smirk which made Beatrice rolled her eyes. She leaned in to bum her shoulder with Beatrice’s and both started to laugh a little.

For the first time since the start of there exile, the tension was lifted. As much as Ava hated to admit it, that talk they’d just had made her feel a bit better.

“Thank you,” she said.

The words seemed inadequate, not merely enough. Ava didn’t have the words to express how grateful she was. Beatrice had assuaged some of her fears; she had given her a new perspective on things; more than that she had given her a choice. So far, she had been the only one to do so. Sure, all of her choices sucked, but it was nice to at least give her the option to decide of her fate in the end.

Sure, she was still afraid of what was to come but knowing that Beatrice felt the same and was there with her made her feel a tad better.

“Yeah… just… thank you,” she repeated.

Somehow, Ava knew Beatrice understood all the unsaid behind her words. “Sure,” Beatrice nodded with that soft grin of hers.

Ava looked away at the mountains again, she was feeling much too vulnerable and needing to get her emotions back in check.

“Do you mind if we stay here for a while?”

“Not at all,” she saw Beatrice shake her head from the corner of her eye.

“Cool,” she acquiesced before lying down completely.

She took a deep breath then released it. She looked at the clouds and tried to relax. She focused on the smell of grass and nature, on the soft breeze caressing her skin, on the sound of nature and the lake.

For a little while, she was going to pretend that life was simple, no Halo, no demons, no exile; just her enjoying a quiet moment in the middle of nature with a friend.

----------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading

[soulnb42]

Times Like These (part 3)

AO3

Part 3

“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful or anything… but, you’d think they could afford slightly better places,” Ava mused aloud, looking around and taking in their new space.

“We’re meant to lay low. A luxurious loft or the penthouse suite of a five stars hotel don’t exactly spell ‘incognito’,” Beatrice pointed out as she moved around the small apartment.

Beatrice had been given money, passports, some weapons and gears they might need. She had been presented with a map showing the locations of the different hideouts owned by the OCS. The plan was for her to choose one for her and Ava without telling anyone which one she’d pick. The less people know where they were the better.

She had chosen one in Switzerland, and she had memorized the coordinates of five other places just in case they had to be on the move quickly.

They had left the last convent in Italy right before dawn, escorted by a small team. After an hour they had parted ways with them. She hadn’t taken the most direct road to their destination, instead she had taken several detours for the first hour just to make sure they weren’t followed. Once she had been satisfied that they had had no tails, she had settled on their journey.

“Fair point,” Ava conceded with a tilt of her head. “I like the décor… who knew beige could pop?”

Beatrice grinned with amusement. For the first time since what seemed like ages ago, she felt like they were back to normal with Ava being a smartass any chance she could get.

The apartment was small, cosy. One kitchen, one bathroom, one water closet, one living room slash bedroom…and now they were both staring at the one elephant in said living room: the bed.

The only bed.

“I’ll… take the couch,” Beatrice announced after a long silence.

“There’s no need… I mean, it’s big enough for the both of us.”

“Yeah well… my experiences sharing a bed have been painful. Lilith elbowed me in the face and Camilla almost smothered me with crocodile death rolls.”

While both incidents were true, if Beatrice was honest, the reason behind her reticence to share a bed with Ava had more to do with the fact that proximity to Ava tended to stir things in her she’d rather not think about.

“Crocodile what?” Ava chortled with a frown.

“Crocodile death rolls, aggressively tossing and turning in one’s bed.”

“Is that really what the dictionary says?”

“I don’t know about the dictionary, but that’s my definition,” Beatrice pointed out.

“Well, I've learnt something new today.”

Beatrice dropped the bags she was holding in the corner of the room, then extracted a tablet from one of them. Ava sat next to her and silently watched. While she was still new at using technology, she had a deep understanding of it, after all, being paralyzed for over a decade meant her mind was the only muscle she had been able to work on and developed to her liking.

It barely took a couple of seconds to figure that Beatrice was using and encrypted interface. After a couple of minutes, Beatrice put the tablet down. “I’ve sent a message to the HQ, they’ll reach us when they can,” she explained.

At her words, the anxiety Ava had managed to tamp down resurfaced. She briefly hesitated but then voiced her mind. “What’s the plan?”

Beatrice took a deep breath. She thought about all the meetings she had had with the rest of the OCS. They were in an unprecedented situation. They were also in the dark as to what they were facing, which meant they didn’t have any real plan.

The only certainty they had right now was that at some point they would face Adriel once more.

“We have to lay low. That part means we’ll have to find jobs to provide for…”

“Jobs… just how long are we supposed to stay here?” Ava rose from the couch and started to pace.

“I don’t know, Ava,” Beatrice said calmly. “To be perfectly honest, there’s very little anyone know. As of right now, for us, the plan is to lay low, keep you safe, train you and wait for further directives.”

Ava stopped her pacing and looked at Beatrice. “…train.”

“Yes.” Beatrice could feel Ava’s dread, unfortunately her next words were not reassuring at all, so she softened her voice in an attempt to keep Ava calm. “There’s no telling when, but facing Adriel again is inevitable. Running away won’t be an option the second time around, so we have to make sure you’re ready. And…”

The air seemed heavier to Ava. She could barely breathe; she felt some invisible force coiling around her and slowly constricting her whole body. She didn’t want to be here, she didn’t want to fight, she didn’t want to face Adriel again.

She couldn’t…

That thing Adriel did to her when she was in the tomb… she couldn’t face him again, no amount of training would help her. She was going to die… that was it…

She hadn’t signed for this, this was not her life… she… couldn’t… she didn’t want to die… this wasn’t her fight, this wasn’t…

Beatrice watched in horror as Ava mentally spiralled down. She was heaving now and Beatrice was afraid she might pass out soon. In a second, Beatrice stood up in front of Ava, grabbed her face to force her attention back on her.

“Ava, look at me…breathe.”

Try as she might, Ava couldn’t suck in oxygen.

“Breathe,” Beatrice said again. “In and out… slowly.”

Ava forced herself to focus on Beatrice and match her breathing.

“That’s it…in… and out…”

If her breathing was back under control, the fear was still burning through every inch of her body.

“Listen… I know this is a lot,” Beatrice spoke softly. “And I know you’re scared, but we’ll figure things out and I won’t let anything happen to you, you hear me?”

Ava searched Beatrice’s eyes, she saw no doubt, no hesitation, only certainty. “Ava, you have my word. I won’t leave your side or let you get hurt… I promise.”

Part of her kept thinking that Beatrice was making a promise she wouldn’t be able to keep, because she didn’t know what Adriel was capable of. The other part of her was reassured though, for she knew that Beatrice would keep her word no matter what, even if she failed in the end.

Ava believed Beatrice, more importantly she trusted her. She was still scared out of her mind, but she wasn’t alone. She had Beatrice and Beatrice had her back. As long as that statement was true, things would be okay.

“I promise,” Beatrice repeated once more.

Ava gave a feeble nod. “Okay.”

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Thanks for reading

[soulnb42]

Times Like These (part 4)

AO3

Part 4

Ava couldn’t sleep. After her little meltdown, Beatrice had made plans for the next few days, ordering their ‘to-do’ list by priorities. They had waited a couple of hours for the tablet to come to life, it hadn’t. Eventually Beatrice had called it a day. As per her announcement she had let the bed to Ava and was now lying on the couch.

Ava glanced at Beatrice again. She was lying still, her hands intertwined over her stomach, but Ava knew she wasn’t sleeping either because her thumbs were silently beating the seconds away.

“I keep thinking about what you said earlier.”

Ava’s voice was a whisper but in the thick silence of the small room, it echoed like a shout.

“And I wonder what would happen if Lilith and Camilla shared a bed.”

“Well, believe it or not, they cancelled each other out,” Beatrice replied almost immediately, amusement clear in her voice.

“Really?”

“Yup. Camilla immobilized Lilith with one of her rolls so there were no flailing and everybody was safe.”

Ava laughed softly picturing the scene. “Sounds like you guys had some fun.”

“Yeah, it’s not always about fighting demons, sometimes we have trips to small towns to provide some help on one thing or another.”

Beatrice spoke about the trip that had led them to share beds in the first place. Ava saw clear pictures in her mind, she felt the affection and the bond between the girls. When Beatrice fell quiet, Ava also felt a smidge of envy, wishing she had that kind of bond, of community. In a way she’d had a very shirt taste of it, for a short while, first with JC and his friends, then with Beatrice and the others.

The light mood dimmed a little at the thought. The unspoken worry about the fate of the other sisters hanging in the air. Ava wanted to ask Beatrice if she thought they were okay, but kept quiet.

As if the universe had decided to answer her silent query, the tablet came to life with an electronic tune. Beatrice sat up immediately to take the device, Ava came to sit by her sides in seconds.

After a few manipulations a window popped up and Camilla’s battered face appeared on screen. Beatrice and Ava both sucked in a small breath in surprise and relief.

Camilla’s face was marred with bruised and cuts, her left eye blackened. In spite of her appearance her calm and soft grin was there, still in place. “Hey guys, it’s good to see you,” she spoke with obvious relief.

“Are you alright?” Beatrice asked.

“Yeah… it’s not as bad as it looks,” Camilla dismissed her concerned with a wave of her right hand which was in what appeared to be a soft cast. “I’ll be good as new in a few days. What about you?”

“We’re fine, don’t worry. In a safe hideout,” it was about all Beatrice could say as far as their location went.

“Good,” Camilla nodded. “Good. We’re on the move as well. I’m not sure where we’ll settle yet.”

There was a pause then Camilla launched into the tale of what had happened on her end. She had managed to reach Lilith again, by then Mother Superion had joined the fight as well as some much needed back up. It had taken many hours to get the situation somewhat contained.

“It was bedlam… right now they’re trying to spin a plausible narrative of the events. There are still possessed out there but they’re managing…”

“I’m sorry, we couldn’t help…” Beatrice said. She knew that they didn’t have the choice as their first mission was to keep the Halo and the Halo bearer safe, still, she couldn’t help the guilt she felt at leaving her sisters behind.

“I’m just glad you two are safe.”

Silence fell upon them and Beatrice felt ice settled in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong and her suspicions were only confirmed when Camilla bit her cut bottom lip.

“Camilla, what is it?”

“We… we’ve lost track of Mary.”

Beatrice and Ava glanced at each other; both felt the new set on their shoulders like a lead chap.

“She hasn’t reached out yet… with all the commotion… there were so many… we just… lost track…”

“I’m sure she put herself to safety,” Beatrice said with all the conviction she could muster, trying to be reassuring. “She’s resourceful, you know that.”

Camilla nodded, but the worry etched on her face did not recede.

“We’ll go look for her as soon as Lilith is back on her feet,” Camilla added. “She has never disclosed where she was living when she wasn’t staying with us and ever since Shannon…”

Camilla didn’t finish her sentence but Beatrice knew what she meant. Mary had always been private when it came to her whereabouts, she had always valued having something just for herself. Shannon was probably the only one to have been let in into her sanctuary. After losing Shannon, Mary had retreated to herself a little more and there had been many days when she’d disappear, whenever she was back it was as if the previous days hadn’t happened.

Mary would reach out when she was ready, as she always did, Beatrice knew it. She just hoped that she wasn’t too badly hurt.

“She’ll get in touch in her own time,” Beatrice voiced her thoughts.

“Yeah…” Camilla chose to believe her; it was better than thinking about the alternative. “I shouldn’t stay too long, just in case. I’ll get in touch again soon. We might need to keep the contact to a minimum for now, like once a week…”

“You’re right.”

“You two keep each other safe.”

“You as well.”

Camilla waved goodbye before cutting the feed.

Ava let out a heavy sigh as she buried her face in her hands. On the one hand she was relieved because they finally had news and most of them were okay, on the other, Mary was MIA and that… that didn’t sit well with her. She felt like she was going to be sick. All of this was her fault and now, someone she cared about was probably hurt and nowhere to be found.

Beatrice opened her mouth to say something, but remained silent in the end, not certain to have the right words. She put a comforting hand on Ava’s back instead.

After a couple of minutes, Ava raised her head to look at Beatrice; “Do you really believe Mary is okay?”

“Yes,” Beatrice said firmly without any hesitation. “It won’t do us any good to think otherwise.”

It may not be the words Ava needed to hear, but it was the truth. Beatrice had to believe everything was alright for Mary. Faith was all they had right now and she’d hang onto it just like she always had in the bleakest moments of her life.

Ava bobbed her head in acceptance, but she was clearly still upset at the situation.

“We should try to get some rest.”

Ava accepted Beatrice’s order without resistance and quietly went back to bed, turning on her side so her back was to Beatrice. She clenched her jaw not to let out the sob that had bubbled up in her throat. She let tears fall silently on her cheeks though.

She wasn’t sure where she stood as far as faith went but at this moment, she was praying that Mary was indeed okay, hoping that someone or something was listening.

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Thanks for reading

[soulnb42]

Times Like These

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but those poor words.

Summary: What happened during Ava and Beatrice's forced exile in Switzerland

Howdy everyone! I'm not really sure where I'm going with this one, but Mojo is speaking and my job is to listen so let's go forth on this new ride...

Enjoy,

AO3

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“It's times like these you learn to live again It's times like these you give and give again It's times like these you learn to love again It's times like these time and time again” Times like these – Foo Fighters

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Part 1

“Take Ava and go!” Lilith broke their stunned silence.

It took a second for Beatrice to register Lilith’s words. Her first instinct was to protest but a few seconds were enough for her to run through every possible scenario and come to the same conclusion Lilith had. There were no positive outcomes for them right now because Ava was no Shannon and she was nowhere near ready to handle such a swarm of possessed people.

Beatrice glances at Camilla then back at Lillith. She put a hand on the shoulder of the taller girl as she was shielding them.

“In this life or the next.”

“In this life or the next,” Lilith replied with a nod of acknowledgement.

Beatrice grabbed Ava by the collar to direct her in the opposite direction. “Trust your team,” she ordered firmly when she felt Ava about to protest.

“Let’s go!” Camilla exclaimed, running ahead to clear their way.

Beatrice wrapped her hand firmly around Ava’s wrist and started running. She forced herself to ignore the sound of Mary’s shotguns or Lilith’s battle cries and focus on the task at hand: getting Ava to safety.

“We’re code black. Need emergency extraction for the Halo. Send massive back up in the chapel atrium, swarm of possessed, it’s fubar,” Camilla spoke with a hand pressed on her left ear.

They stopped in the first side street that seemed isolated. Beatrice and Camilla frantically looked around them to identify their position. Their training included an extensive knowledge of major cities to the point of them being able make mental maps within two minutes.

Beatrice closed her eyes and focused on the directives rushed into their earpiece. Her mind conjured a path to their extraction point, opening her eyes she pointed to her right. “This way.”

Camilla ran ahead again; Beatrice gave the silent order to Ava to follow with a tilt of her head and closed the march.

Sharp turns were made in half a dozen of streets. Seemingly out of nowhere a dark van skidded to an abrupt stop in front of them and the back door slid open.

Beatrice pushed an out of breath Ava inside and turned to Camilla. They didn’t need to speak to know they were parting ways here. As the most experienced, Ava’s protection befell on Beatrice’s shoulders. Camilla would go back to Lilith, Mary and the others to contain the situation.

Neither voiced the fact that this could very well be the last time they saw one another. They had been through many missions but this was unprecedented.

“It’ll be fine,” Camilla said with a trembling grin. She had made it her role to always keep the morale up, now was not the time to change her ways.

Beatrice went along with a nod of acceptance, ignoring the cold hand of dread twisting both of their guts. In a swift movement she put her hand on Camilla’s neck to bring their foreheads together in a silent and affectionate goodbye.

“In this life or the next,” she whispered before pulling back.

“In this life or the next,” Camilla echoed with a steadier smile.

Beatrice jumped in the van, Camilla slid the door close behind her and sharply tapped the passenger window. “Go!”

She watched the van disappear into another street, then turned around to go back where they had come from, praying with all her heart that Mary and Lilith were okay.

“We left them…” Ava spoke as if in a daze. “We just… aband…”

“Don’t!” the one-word order came out hotly. Beatrice tightened her jaw and immediately softened her tone. “Please.”

Beatrice didn’t mean to be aggressive; Ava had only voiced the facts after all, but she needed to keep a cool head and her ideas clear. That couldn’t happen if she stopped to think about the others. If she did, she’d then think about the last time they had faced so many possessed, and the days it had taken for them to get the situation under control again, and the many losses they hadn’t been able to prevent. She’d think about the fact that they had had Shannon by their sides then.

She couldn’t think about the others right now. She couldn’t let herself think that without the Halo bearer, right now her sisters were essentially fighting blindfolded with one hand behind their backs.

She couldn’t…

She just couldn’t afford to let her mind go there right now.

Right now, she had to focus on the directives pouring in her ear, unravelling the course of action and for the next 24h.

“That’s why we have to make it through the night,” Beatrice added softly.

Beatrice could only guess where Ava’s mind was at; her first mission had turned into a gigantic display of Murphy’s law, and that particular snowball was still gaining momentum for all they knew.

She wished she had comforting words to spare, but at this very moment she felt like saying anything else would be a lie.

Ava swallowed visibly, then bobbed her head in acceptance. Beatrice gently tapped Ava’s knee, and watched her lean back on her seat, turning her head to stare at the window.

They had to make it safely through the night, otherwise everything would have been in vain.

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Thanks for reading

[codenameclementine]

Soft kisses, pancakes, card games, new love 🥰 Chapter 8 of my ongoing Avatrice fanfic (season 2 but gayer) is officially up!