#time to find a movie to watch ig
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my fiancé has been away since yesterday, won't be back until tomorrow evening and the friend I was supposed to hang out with today has bailed on me after radio silence all day 💀 I spent the whole day in Waiting Mode™️ for nothing wtf and now I just feel lonely
#the loneliness is worming its way in. BEGONE THOT.#fell asleep while waiting. accidentally napped for 5 fucking hours and now it's 9:30pm. FUCK.#opened up pinkie swear to carry on working on it. stared at it. did nothing. closed it.#tearing my hair out rn lads. the writers block is real atm#anyway sorry for the sad post and lack of writing. the depression is real unfortunately#time to find a movie to watch ig#m: ash speaks.
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MLP Violet doodle bc burnout has hands (her outfit is like an elden ring boss)
#i wanna put all of my inner thoughts and ramblings here but at the same time im. so eepy#i love violet so much i have not recovered from my first viewing of the series#shes always on my mind#and i also started rewatching mlp so bing bang boom#horse 👍🏻#also i dont think she has a cutie mark since she basically spends like her whole life trying to find her purpose ig?#i think she gets it eventually#probably for writing letters obviously but i dont think it clicks until like maybe the one yuri movie with her and amy/isabella#her life revolves around the major rip#her cutie mark is his grave#made myself cry typing that im so sorry#artists on tumblr#my art#violet evergarden#my little pony#mlp art#also i wanna say I HAVE WATCHED THE ENDING MOVIE IK ABOUT THE MAJOR WHEN I SAID THE CUTIE MARK GRAVE JOKE#i am severely hyperfixated on the series#thank you for ruining my life#both to this show and my adhd
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the last few years have been a nice detour* but i think it's time to get back to being cringe
*: not that i wasn't cringe recently just that i need to crank it up and lose followers also
#as in become shameless and earnest as soon as possible#and i've been thinking about this recently with the release of clancy and with me going cuckoo and with me having watched an interview wher#tyler said something after being asked about negative responses (this was after the mtv movie awards i think).. what he said is he doesn't#understand how anyone could listen to a song that someone honestly wrote and say it's bad. and it hit me in that moment‚ the contrast‚#like when i come across a man who loves animals. because‚ i grew up with a man around‚ always around‚ who criticizes everything incessantly#everything. all the time. and doesn't know what it's like to love an animal and take care of it btw. he judges everything and never#makes anything. so maybe that's why i liked them so much‚ as individuals but as musicians too. and tyler as a songwriter. and let's say it.#let's say it. and the clique. and before that i liked vocaloid and etc etc i've been thinking that to me there is a real appeal to things#that many would describe as weird or unconventional or annoying.. i will find the beauty and the authenticity at the heart of it (if there#is some) and i may even cherish it.#and i like soft things too. i like disgust and fear and being shaken up by art and it's been a huge turning point to recognize all that#but god do i need a different dimensions sometimes. like let's be on a different axis let's move sideways#+ let me like something just because#that's what i mean by cringe ig! i am who i am and sometimes i find new ways to be uncool or get back to the old ways#and it's fine#kata.txt
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another elderly british man snatched up and stuffed into my collection
but fr tho why he kinda 😳
#kingsman#harry hart#agent galahad#kingsman fanart#fanart#avis art#gotta find time to watch more of the movie(s) ough#sick but ig that sent my artistic spark into overdrive lmao
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and now for a post this blog was made for (take this as free trial of what to expect down the line. fair warning; not to scale)
If I had a nickel for every time a protagonist had to choose between a sword and a guitar, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
the first (and tbf only) two that come to mind are Manolo from the book of life and Kubo from Kubo and the two strings
quick background: manolo had to fight a giant toro (all the bulls his bullfighter family killed ever, and kubo had to defeat his grandfather the moon king in his final form. also he uses a shamisen not a guitar. but it fits the category so theres that)
and its such a beautiful and strange concept; to be presented with the choice of peace via music, or violence (so to speak) by the sword, and it works. the apology song moved me to tears the first time i heard it and kubo's words are truly beautiful and ones i wont forget.
i think its what the music relays rather than the instrument that brings about a change of heart or leads the hero to victory; their empathy and humanity. family is a prominent theme too, one of love and guidance and ocassionally a source of greivance lol.
i havent watched either films in quite a while (BoL 10 years ago oof) but both songs/ pieces speak so much truth they are able to do what the sword could never achieve. and now for a segment i like to call from where i stand, where i get to link fiction with my life and experiences to provide insight from, say it with me now, where i stand: as an aspiring psychiatrist in a part of the world where mental health is still finding its footing in the public eye and sadly among other healthcare students, its hurts to see how little we listen to each other, compounded by how simple and effective just basic human connection is in somehwat alleviating (albeit temporarily) whatever it is someone is going through. empathy my dudes. it goes a long way.
manolo appologises for the centuries of grief his family profession has inflicted on the bulls, and extends a warm hand of understanding and sincerity, while kubo uses the power of memories and love to prove to his grandfather that so long as he has his eye, an eye capable of seeing (and by extension a heart capable of loving and a soul capable of feeling), he will live and prosper. their humanity prevails and brings peace.
final word: to quote Jonathan Decker from a CT episode i cant remember lol: "Kindness won't always change someone, but it shows them you won't be changed." and i think its an important gap to mind, in the sense that the magic of music or whatever wont fix our real life probelms, like a failing relationship, but kindness and empathy and humanity are all necessary for healing and growth. and that, i believe is the message behind the trope. a good day to you all.
me, an intellectual:
#both brilliant movies if u havent watched them drop everything and go do that now#the book of life was my first encounter so to speak with the concept of dia de los muertos- the day of the dead#and as a muslim the beliefs i hold regarding death and the afterlife couldnt be any more different#yet that didnt stop me form enjoying the film for what it is#as a kid i fell in love with the beauty and vibrance and wonder of it all#and coco was visually stunning as it was emotional#the topic actually warrants a post of its own#the enjoying of media and respecting it even (or especially) if it differs from our faith/ what we hold dear#so stay tuned ig#i couldnt resist the last picture lol#awoop jumpscare#the book of life#kubo and the two strings#how tf is that not a tag?#throwback to the days i had functioning lacrimal glands lol#good times#i kept the typo to humble myself#see if u can find it#psychiatry#i have been told im a really good listener#which is both a compliment and a testament to how little we stop to listen and ask after ourselves and others#cinema therapy#go watch that too#instant serotonin#jono and alan are the best#i think the ct episode was maybe serentiy?#or was it the train to busan?#wait no the quiet place!#genuinely have no idea sorry#welp
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your local sad indo lesbian has found THE sad indo lesbian movie. beware.
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im willing to believe yellowjackets is a good show but im not sure im willing to forgive it for that title which makes me have to specify "yellowjacket BUG" if i want to see the actual bees
#toy txt post#why they do this to me. come here. come here listen to me#have you considered a title that is not 1 word that is not particularly unique that also happens to make your shit hard to tag and find on#websites. i dont particularly like when shows are trying to cater to develop a fandom but in this aspect i would love that kind of#forethought. please. amyway sorry thos crime is apparently unforgivable and i can never watch it now. sorry#i believe you that its good. however. they have committed an unforgiveable crime to my brain#smh. do u expect me to memorize their latin name or smth?#'toy how often are you looking up bees' not that often but i found it VERY ANNOYING#perhaps this could also be fixed by search engines actually being functional again but. unlikely ig lol#LET A BITCH GOOGLE THE BEES WONT YOU?#it was ddg but still#let a bitch duck duck go the bees in peace wont you????#i can't think of any off the top of my head rn but i know there have been a number of movies that did this shit too and it pissed me off#then too. stop making me tag random innocuous word movie just come up with an actual title wont u?#bluh#ill probably get over this eventually and then maybe consider watching it#i got mad at arctic monkeys about this too. someone was talking about how cute arctic monkeys were and i thought#it was like a new species of like. monkey that lives in the snow and man. i was so excited. and sooooo disappointed to see a bunch of Guys#i like some of their songs now but man at the time? unforgivable
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Crying cuz i don't have a pretty pink fit to watch barbie
#all these beautiful “get ready with me to watch barbie” outfits on the internet#even on fb and ig stories my friends all wearing these dream barbie girl outfits and im dying inside#was looking for anything pink in my closet#and i just found this old cargo pants with a pink diagonal line on one line on one leg that i forgot i bought#defiantly not a barbie fit i felt like a loser#my outfits could pass as a grungie femboy ken at best#am i still gonna be aloud in the theatres not wearing pink#who am i kidding im probably not even gonna watch it at the theatres#im either gonna find a free streaming site (hopefully)#or beg my brother to let me use his netflix account and i won't binge dreamwork movies again#i'll choose as soon as i find a good outfit that im gonna wear weither im going out or not#my little sister ruled this tho she told she's gonna go as Raquel to the movie#and also threatened me if i try to copy her so that can't be good#lord have mercy#story time#barbie movie
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it's really homophobic of netflix to remove it (2017) from their catalogue four days before i wanted to watch it
#it's been on my to-watch list for so long#bc it sounds like a great movie & i'm intrigued by the premise#but i specifically wanted to watch it now bc i was planning to mention the benverly poem parallel in my byler analysis#yk the whole 'misattribution of feelings' trope that they're doing with the painting storyline#i was going to watch this + gossip girl + the half of it and use them as examples of how this trope has been done before#also i wanted to see reddie. they have been my ship-in-law for a really long time n i wanted to find out what the hype was all about#but now i have to go find it on some sketchy website. fuck me ig 🫠#rae.txt
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OOOuuuu!!! that new lebron movie is on my gatekeeeeeeep OUUU!! imma watch GOOD tonight!!
#having lows sucks bcs i hate feeling the unnecessary and that puts me in the unnecessary a LOT#it makes me feel unnecessary and makes other important shit feel unnecessary so that just adds to my overall feeling of unnecessary bcs i#UGH anyways WE CLIMBIN OUTTA IT!! ..for now!! then it's gonna be another dip next month probably but whateverwhatever#we refocus for the now ig#ANYWAYS WHAT I MEAN 2 SAY WITH THIS#i looove watching/indulging in things by myself as i climb outta emotional drops#and then when im feelin peppy again i get to share everything new ive been building back up with my loved ones !!!#who are always so willing n happy cus theyre jus happy to be with a happy me again#but also bcs i only share the best of the best or the best of the worst lol#i arrive from my regular volcanic eruptions with a single leaf i somehow saved beneath the rubble#but man if it aint shiny!!!!#anyways!!!#cant wait to get my watch on <33!!#NO MORE TALKIN!! MOVIE TIME!! ALONE TIME BUT YAY !!! YES! ALONE TIIIIME 🥰🥰#check back in one month or week or smthin and ill be shellshocked mouthing it quiet under my breath like a mantra#looking like a soldier in the barracks but the dirt kinda barracks where u find a rat where ur friends heart should be#ANYWAYS YALL#this time i mean yall as in ALL YALL my MOOTS my friendly southern yaaaall🥰#sorry i rlly need to start specifyin.. i just love the word yall#lets chat our onions on it afterward!!! if yall have any whose seen it!!! if not imma chat anyways yall know i looove chitchattin#OK GOOD? GOOD 🥰
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remembering a fun marble hornets trans wrights element throwback where i managed to show up for one of their first convention features & while this was ofc already [serious "hmm...Not Cis: me??"] occasions i wasn't yet out or anything like well time to suffer being known & perceived thusly....while i Was out by the same occasion the next year like well here i am again, different name, binder, no plans to give anyone any rundown about this thing, hope it goes smoothly anyways and/or i'm effectively giving a reintroduction anyhow even though i May have been up to more memorable things that last time....no conversations needed to be had, i think i had the impression i was recalled as the same person but it was an entirely chill time, just this as like an early and pretty unique Occasion of like, here's people who know me from In Person (and ig Kind of online, i also don't recall ever like distinctly linking said in person appearance to onlineness lol. it just may also have not been an unsolveable mystery or a mystery at all. but mostly in person, and that's the element i was focusing on anyways) and my showing up transly in person with a whole other name this time as the major difference really lol. like well hope this goes swimmingly....And It Did. and at some point not eons later ya boy tim with some cringe comp sincerety like oh let me make this post somewhere about how an epic element of being a known internet creator is meeting new & various people including explicitly the [mh fans are like exclusively The Gays. and then some unfiction posters] factor & i'm like lol well you're welcome. just doing my part. but fr that was neat like i'm glad to get chill indirect & direct trans validation from internet horror series contributors in that immediate period of coming out & having to sweat it like damn wasn't at this point last time around
#lot of highlights that first time around at said expo....#loved being present for this like. Season One Dvd Live Commentary as this like late event put on some non ground floor room....#like it wasn't Huge but an impressive number of ppl showed up waiting outside & then the space was pretty packed#& it was just a fun and spontaneous time lol#also like going ''hmm autistic: me??'' as seriously & framed thusly consideration came years later#& relatively recent posting from ya boy tim (twitter) abt like adhd / autistic: me?? are throwbacks lmao like#hey pal as a [yes to both: me] party i can say that like anyone who's chosen to have multiple relatively extensive exchanges w/myself....#it's kind of its own ''hmm. you sure you're nt'' occasion lol#i would be Unsurprised thusly just like i'm Unsurprised abt the [practically no one is cis/het] factor....#anyways i have no idea what's going on w/the fact mh has these organic like popularity resurgences especially including Now apparently#but who tf is ever tuned in? cool when people are having fun and being themselves.#sort of distantly interesting to see what material people come up with in organic novel [entire new groups of ppl / popularity wave]#and mh i guess does that more often than maybe other things do#as they say it's a) just There online for perusal b) accessible in other ways. there's handy playlists & it's basically a few movies.#and c) there's always some hot new online homemade horror material & people can get into That & then into others ig. like mh sitting there#it's a like ''huh. i guess'' surprise even when mutuals / followers from Completely Different Things i indirectly find also watch/ed mh#like well. i don't really have a frame of reference for all this stuff lmao. i Guess it's unsurprising but to me feels like a weird overlap#just wasn't that niche? Isn't that niche? if you're like. Online to a sufficient degree. strongly narrative; a drama; shelved w/queer media#and that following along while it released was fun but now the advantage is: Not having to do that. it all just sits there#my fucking pet peeve as things Were released & people were like. oh plotlines progressed in this thing? smh filler#there were moments when people are walking to a location? filler. there were moments when it wasn't just sloober standing there? filler.#like would you shut tf up lmfao....crash courses in ''even when an online fanbase is small. ya don't wanna talk to Everyone''#which for me was part of a learning process like i don't wanna talk to practically Anyone thanks lmao. but the posts could be fun at least#let's have some appreciation along the lines of uhh smthing talking abt season one first house visit entry and how like#yeah it's fun how In Essence yes nothing happens but it's the creation of a very suspenseful experience anyways like thank you#having to explain things like Pacing [if Action & Intensity were Nonstop they'd stop being Effective or at all Interesting]#cue explaining this re: even Drama also like. deh's Drama is served by the interludes for ppl ''interrupting'' w/ ''lol? &/or tf?'' moments#mh the musical...
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God, I love it when the ship is mutually codependent and have the messiest dramatic fucken breakup ever
#//Slight exaggeration but shhh lol#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//Aka#//I watched the Blu.e Lo.ck movie kjdshdrg#//And holy SHIT#//I've only watched very few episodes if at all (mostly popped in and out of the room it was in); but THAT MOVIE ROCKED MY SHIT#//Now I gotta find time to binge it at some point#//By first impressions; my faves so far are R.eo; Chi.giri; and Bac.hira#//One is super fun; one is super pretty; and one is both kjdhkfg#//Good luck figuring out which is for which reason jfdngkgh#//Anyways; I'm saying it on here bc that might be why I end up more sporadic than I usually am jngkjtfhnft#//Bc my brain has LATCHED ON#//This ship dynamic is CRACK COCAINE TO ME#//{slight spoilers ig?) The main series ain't even ABOUT the two I'm fixated on; but I will still inhale any fucken crumbs I get dnfgkyh#//Things I'm seeing on tumblr from the manga abt them tho is THRILLING#//I love them so much
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Ice Bear, Panda & Grizzly Bear!!!
we'll be there! 💖
#this is another old one from... over a year ago? jeezuz time moves too fast#i was going through a lot when i drew this#i basically binged wbb in... february? of '22#it brought me a lot of comfort when i needed it and it's a very cute show#though i'll admit i never liked the baby bears that much. i liked the episodes when they were grown up#so i never watched we baby bears or the movie unfortunately#but anyway! bears#i was fascinated by the idea of drawing them as they would actually look if they were real bears because that's what i'm like#so that's what i did!#sorry not sorry for my prolonged hiatus it will happen again#wbb#we bare bears#wbb ice bear#wbb grizz#wbb panda#cartoon network#bears#wbb fanart#we bare bears fanart#actually i lied there was ONE baby bears episode i fucking adored and it was yuri and the bear because i love ice bear#like everyone else on the planet...#find me someone whose favourite wbb character isn't ice bear#you can't. it's impossible#i also loved the burrito#because i like when characters have trauma ig
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🧸🎀
#yesterday i asked my mom if i could just watch tv and talk to her for a bit today#i was sick for two days and i always feel so lonely and get stuck in a nightmare feeling anxiety state#and she was like.. yeah sure for a bit#but today she's just talking to my sister#nd my sister is like.... yeah she's said that she finds me annoying when im in the living room#so she thinks she has right to do so but not me#and my mom wont say anything bc if im being honest i think she'd rather spend time w my sister instead of w me#so... idk im just alone in my room as always#i feel super anxious abt tmrw when school starts again. so anxious!!!#bc they've switched to a new building nd i have never been there#idk exactly where it is. or how the doors work (from google maps it looks like it's one of those doors w a code)#idk where the classroom is or what the classroom layout is or anything#im just super stressed nd i wanted to just talk to someone for a bit bc i feel so lonely#but no.... its evening now and my sister has been in the living room all day#it also makes me sad bc my mom watches movies nd shows w her but whenever i ask she's just like yeah sure idk nd it never happens#idk i just feel so alone :'(((((#but at the same time spending time w ppl nd hanging out gives me anxiety nd maybe im just meant to do everything on my own idk#idk anything i just feel so bad nd im so anxious nd i feel like im stuck in a nightmare all alone. idk wanna have class. esp not english...#i have to speak english w my teacher nd just speaking swedish is hard skksksksk#whatever idk i just gotta do things ig
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Normalcy
A/n deadpool and wolverine drabble bc the movie was a little too good
Summary: Still reeling from the loss of your powers, you struggle to hold it together inside the TVA's void. Thankfully, you find an uncharacteristically peaceful distraction in your old friend Deadpool and in the wolverine variant who wants nothing to do with you.
Warnings/info: reader is a (former) avenger (bc i love the avengers <3), reader is described as having similar powers to wanda and having trained with her (bc i love wanda), implied beginning of an accidental love triangle if you squint ig, maybe too much lore for a drabble (?), me writing for characters for the first time so be nice 😭
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The lines etched into your palms do not bend and twist to spell out secrets, there are no messages worth decoding pressed into your skin. Knowing this is not enough to stop you from staring at your hands like if you could just think about it hard enough...
"There you are, Peanut." The words are so warm you're briefly pulled out of your internal angst. You straighten, head lifting slightly and arms crossing in front of your chest. "Thought I lost you."
Wade continues forward until he's directly in front of you. He pauses, watching you with an unabashed openness that you'd only ever allow him to get away with. "Kidding," he tries, "I'd never lose you."
The familiarity of the casual affection eases you further, the corner of your mouth tugging itself upwards. "I was like 15 feet away from you."
"Sorry for caring." It's his go to comeback when it comes to defending the displays of affection you have the audacity to find overdramatic.
You blink, lips parting despite your lack of response. The world has felt a little slower these last few days, moving at a pace that leaves you with no choice but to reflect. Maybe it's the void.
"Hey," his voice feels a little flatter without his usual humor, "Are you okay?"
You let out a breath, shocked by this new low. Sure, you've known Wade for awhile and you've both seen each other through plenty of stages, but he's never felt the need to attempt a genuine pep talk for you. He's never struck you as the pep talk sort...for anyone. Do you really seem that off?
It's bad enough that your identity crisis has stolen the abilities that would have helped your trio pop out of the void with no real fanfare, you can't also make your insecurities everyone else's problem. "Yeah." The response doesn't feel convincing, but with Wade wearing the Deadpool mask, it's hard to be sure. "Just y'know...we're in a void and our reality might be ripped apart, so I've been better."
He's still watching you with a level of focus that's unnerving. You've gotten used to his familiarity, his lack of care for personal space or the social rules around watching people. "You're doing it again."
"Seducing you with my ability to have a heart to heart while looking this good in my suit?"
You sigh in an attempt to dismiss your slight smile. Happy or sad, superhero that once fought Thanos or regular person that can't regulate their emotions, Wade always treats you the same. "The staring thing. You said you'd stop."
"No, you said I'd stop." The correction is a return to what you're used to. He takes a step towards you, his proximity now forcing you to tilt your chin up slightly to look him in the eye. "I'd never promise to look at you less."
"Comforting."
He angles his chin downwards, making the limited distance feel more significant. "I thought so." For a moment, he's quiet in a way that doesn't feel very him. "Are you sure you're...good?" His hesitance is another reminder that this is far out of his element. "I know this is your first..." Wade's rarely careful, only ever treading lightly on the one subject you never want to bring. "Outing, since..."
"I lost my powers."
Wade goes quiet again. If this conversation is as inevitable as it seems, a part of you wishes it could have come up elsewhere. Maybe in your shared apartment, definitely without the mask so you could better interpret his reactions. It's not often you keep secrets from him, but the hollowness you feel knowing the part of yourself you've lost isn't something you can just share.
It's more than just about missing your party tricks, it's about losing a part of yourself. They were all that was left of your time with the Avengers, of what Wanda taught you before Westview.
He lets out a breath. "They're not lost." You raise your eyebrows slightly, giving him a look meant to caution him against sympathetic optimism. "We don't know that."
He seems so happy to be able to tell you that there's no proof that any and all magical abilities have been flushed out of your system, you don't have it in you to remind him that that's mainly because you have no one to ask. What's left of the Avengers and your government connections either barely understand what you were or are untrustworthy.
"Educated wish?"
His mask muffles a slight gasp. You press your lips together in an attempt to resist smiling. "The last one worked out great."
Your eyebrows pull together skeptically, a reminder that the two of you are still technically in the middle of the last educated wish he attempted to speak into existence. "Didn't Wolverine stab you multiple times--"
He cuts you off with a heavy sigh. "If I took getting stabbed personally, do you know where we'd be?"
In a reality where Wade holds grudges over those kinds of things, you wouldn't be anything to each other, except maybe enemies. You've never pulled a knife or sword or anything sharp on him, but when you first met he did startle you before you had a total grip on your abilities, which resulted in him getting thrown through a wall.
"I never stabbed you."
His hand finds your shoulder. You let him drag his thumb against against the fabric of your suit. "And that's how I know you really love me, Peanut."
You roll your eyes in an attempt to dislodge the warmth that settles in the pit of your stomach. The last thing Wade needs is encouragement. "I mean, I do go around stabbing everyone I like less than you."
He lets out a sound that feels like a scoff attempting to mask itself as a dry laugh. "There's the sense of humor that'd hurt me if I knew you less."
"Well--"
He squeezes your shoulder, "I know you." Okay. You'll let him have this one because maybe there's some truth to what he's saying. "I'm going to go check on the car, because a fucking Honda Odyssey would break down on us for no reason before we got to the fight."
"For no reason or because of the bitch fight you and Wolverine had in it?"
There's a beat of silence in which all you can do is try to imagine Wade's expression behind the mask. You'd like to think that he's smiling. "Oh, Pumpkin." He sighs as if you've stumbled onto saying something terribly naive. "It wasn't a bitch fight, it was awesome, and probably turned you on."
You deadpan a flat, "You caught me." He hasn't let go of your shoulder, and a part of you is oddly glad for it. "I'd offer you help with the car, but..."
You're self aware enough to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses, car maintenance being the latter. Wade doesn't even let you get your oil changed by yourself anymore.
"I've met you." He squeezes your shoulder again, the gesture weirdly stabilizing. "Give me 15 minutes to actually look at the car and then I'm all yours."
Wade lets go of you, his arm falling to his side. "Aren't you always?"
He lets out an exaggerated gasp. "You're making me feel cheaper than my usual rate, Peanut."
You smile as he turns away. Things are always a little easier with Wade. It's more than just distraction, it's his way of making things feel a little lighter. You're not sure what to do with your 15 minutes of solitude to avoid falling back into self pity.
You originally broke away from the group of void trapped heroes under the premise of needing fresh air, but even here, with the expansive, sparsely wooded area at your disposal, the oxygen in your lungs still feels flat. If Wanda were around, you'd be able to ask if she felt the strangeness of this other plane of existence as well. At least then you'd know if your dislike of the void is only mental or an actual sign of life from your abilities.
You begin to walk forward, hoping to shed all thoughts of both your former self and the eeriness of this other world. There are other people you could talk to you. The others have been polite enough, or at the very least, passionate enough to be talked into facing Cassandra.
The trees you've been wandering through grow in their sparsity, the edge of the woods revealing a patch of grassland highlighted by a fire's warm glow. You squint past the tree line, attempting to make out the figure sitting in front of the flames. Wolverine.
Secluded from the group and staring at a campfire. Surprising. Though, you guess it's not fair to judge him too harshly, you left the group to brood as well.
He doesn't like you, doesn't know you well enough to dislike you, but it took him no time to find a way to get around that. Maybe it's your proximity to Wade. You've done your best to take his hostility as un-personally as possible. You've seen enough people you really care about go through the guilt ridden, fallen hero thing to know how deep that kind of hurt runs.
You've never known a Wolverine or Logan Howlett variant, so you have no way of knowing what he was like before. Sure, you've heard stories, but you're also overly aware of how the media can twist and turn those stories to fit their narrative. One day, a superhero is the world's greatest protector, and the next their the greatest menace. Maybe he was always a little dark, or maybe he wasn't.
"Don't just stand there." The gruffness of his voice startles you more than it should.
Heat crawls up your neck, a part of you more embarrassed than you should be. You weren't lurking, or at the very least, you weren't trying to.
You sigh as you abandon the safety of the tree line. "Sorry." He turns his head away from the fire. "I wasn't--I was just walking."
He's quiet for such a long moment you almost expect him to not respond at all. "Without your shadow?"
Wow, only a halfhearted dig at Wade. You must have caught him in a good mood. "Friend, and he's looking at the car. I'd be looking at the car with him, but I figured the odds for tomorrow are bad enough as is."
Another uneasy stretch of silence. "Yeah." There's not much, if anything, to take from the comment. "If you're here to convince me to go with you guys tomorrow--"
"I'm not." It's an honest answer. You had been walking around aimlessly and happened to stumble onto him. "I'm not into the pep talk thing." He scoffs, the sound lacking in genuine aggression. "What?"
He lifts his gaze from the fire, his eyes settling on some point past the horizon. "I thought you were an Avenger."
You're not sure what bugs you more, the fact that he's so sure he has you all figured out or the implication that the Avengers spend their days encouraging each other instead of actually doing things. What the Avengers are--or maybe were--is so much more than that.
You step forward, further separating you from the cluster of trees. "The Avengers are about a lot more than that."
His attention briefly shifts onto you before returning to the flames. If the silence is meant to be dismissive, it doesn't feel that way. There's a patience there that doesn't suit his usual brooding.
"Do you care if I sit?" The question is forced out before you can overthink it. "I promise no inspirational speeches or small talk."
After a beat, he dips his chin downwards in a nod so subtle you would have missed it if you had been watching him any less carefully. You're more relieved by his acceptance than you should be, your feet carrying you towards the campfire.
You sit at a polite distance, knees bent in front of you. His silence seems to push against the void's sluggishness. Maybe the issue has been you fighting this world's momentum.
"Why are you with him?" You're not sure if you're more shocked by the question or the break in silence. When all you can do is blink, he continues, "You seem--" He subtly clears his throat, as if struggling to admit this next part, "Nice, normal."
Oh. If you had been focused, you likely would have got what he meant without the clarification. "I know Wade's a lot--especially to you." You place a hand against your knee, thinking about that very specific safety you only feel with Wade. You don't have to try at being anything, or worry about earning your keep in any capacity. "But once you get to know him, he's a good friend."
You look away from the fire pit in time to see the skeptical look Logan throws in your direction. "I'm serious." His expression doesn't change. "He um--after I stopped being important to everyone else, he still liked me ." This isn't the conversation you wanted to stumble onto, especially not with someone who you barely know and actively dislikes you. "That sounds kind of dumb, but the point is, he's loyal."
He turns his head back towards the fire. "You always call him by his name." The observation is so stiff you'd consider it hesitant if it came from anyone else.
You've never thought much about Wade's name. Part of it is familiarity, and the rest of it is a force of habit. Even when you were with the Avengers, you preferred using actual names when off duty. It's easier to separate the mask from the person beneath it when you make an active effort to.
You shrug. "I'm not into off duty superhero names, Wolverine."
He falls silent again. You concentrate on the flames, the way they illuminate the world around you. "You can--" He cuts himself off, attention never wavering from the fire. "You can call me Logan, if you want."
An unsteady warmth roots itself in your chest. You didn't expect any sort of kinship between you and the wolverine Wade stole from some other timeline beyond him occasionally accepting your attempts at creating peace between him and Wade.
"Okay," you focus on keeping your tone measured, avoiding any emotions that might startle him, "Logan."
There's no tension in the quiet that follows. You let the minutes pass until you're certain that Wade's waiting for an interruption disguised as an attempt to help. "I should go, Wade's probably waiting for me."
You push yourself to stand. You let yourself glance at him one last time before turning towards the trees you emerged from.
#mcu#mcu x reader#wolverine x reader#deadpool x reader#logan howlett x reader#wade wilson x reader#logan howlett x you#wade wilson x you#wolverine x you#deadpool x you#deadpool and wolverine x reader
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Idrc if you wanna find the politics in every piece of media you consume but personally i dont really care to all the time like idk. Like idk sometimes i just wanna enjoy shit w/o constantly thinking about the underlying politics or whatever? Sometimes its hard to ignore if its super rw based but still, a lot of other shit i just feel like im investing more energy into this shit than was intended for most ppl like idk. The underlying political implications of spirited away. Idk i just dont really care lol
#its a movie about an emotional journey so uh thats kinda my focus there bud#also ngl it does feel like ppl bring up this argument so they can keep coming to conclusions abt what the creator meant by whatever#when sometimes its not for that reason or not that deep. idk. i do feel like some of yall are married to being paranoid that whatever ur#consuming will somehow make you take on entirely different politics?? idk. but ill be real consuming things w not perfect politics only#really solidifies in my head that im right when i *do* actually think its worth psychoanalyzing. or maybe i end up neing wrong#in my assumptions. either way. im ok w critical thinking and then also not feel this weird need to shit on the media constantly#like i loathe family guy. some of the jokes are funny. most of the show is horrible. i dont talk about it bc i dont care.#im sorry lol like. what do you want from me#ive already thought about what about the show i dont like. its politics etc. and i dont watch it. but thats bc its kinda hard to ignore#the constantly shitting on everyone energy of the show. w other shit like idk. dora or something like?? im not spending my time#looking for the political flaws really?? probably there to learn spanish lol#ig i personally find tearing apart media all the time and finding its flaws to be like. a hobby people engage in. but they seem to see it#like as... political action..? ig i can see that being good for something like harry potter or whatever. but sometimes its like idk what u#guys fuckin want from me. you want me to analyze every fucking thing i watch always and forever? because for me the problematic and#off putting politics come off bery obviously when they come up. but as far as a lot of childrens shows go? idk. ig id be more focused#on the plot than the politics..?#ig its bc i kinda feel like... this isnt political action to analyze media all the time.......#i think a better use of your time is learning what you can actually do to change peoples minds to be more progressive personally?#ig if you do that w a piece of media often co opted by rwingers or something like that then its cool but idk#ig i worry about shit like. 'spongebob is a fascist' type takes lol. ig i dont feel like this is like... a great way to move ppl to the#left. esp since the only ppl who are gonna read your media analysis on tumblr is other leftists who already agree with you :|
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