#time matters so little what matters is where i think bucktommy were at the end of 710 and that wasnt moving in together in three eps dynami

[epiphainie]

i genuinely do not care if the time jump between season 7 finale and season 8 premiere is like 6 months or a year or ten years or that bucktommy will have been dating for centuries in 8x04 or whatever. i dont care about in-show time, i care about the time i had them on screen and i will be pissed af if they move in together that early

[princessfbi]

bucktommy + “come here”

Bucktommy

"Come here."

No matter how many times Tommy did it, Buck didn't think he'd ever get used to the slight thrill that rushed through him when Tommy's fingers tucked under his chin and lifted his head.

He just wished it was under different circumstances. The wide worry in the cobalt blue that Buck could've sworn were one eyelash bat away from sweeping him up like a hurricane turned icy and hard in an instant. Fury rippled through Tommy's expression as his movements turned stilted and uncompromising, shifting Buck's chin further up and to the side so he could get a better view of the bruises. The same bruises he'd been hoping to put off from showing his boyfriend for as long as possible.

But after three months of going slow before becoming official, there wasn't much Buck could hide from his boyfriend these days.

It was usually something he loved. Tommy made him feel seen in a way he didn't know he wanted to be seen until one night in his kitchen during quiet confessions and a similar instance of Tommy's fingers tucked under his chin.

Tommy wasn't kissing him then though. In fact, besides the firm weight of his fingers, he looked almost... devastated. Resigned.

"He did this to you?" It was a question even if Tommy didn't say it like it was. Buck pulled away from the prop of Tommy's fingers and ducked his chin down as he cut his eyes to the floor.

"It's not a big deal." He tried to step back so the lie wouldn't land on Tommy and stain him too. But Tommy's hands, his big beautiful hands, curled over his waist and pulled him back to him.

"Evan!" Tommy's eyes flashed with something Buck couldn't quite catch but that was probably because he was still too busy being starstruck by the way Tommy said his name.

He loved how Tommy said his name. Like it mattered. Like it was important. The only other people who ever managed to handle the weight of his name without the normal strain had been Maddie and Eddie and they had witnessed to all the ways life had added more pressure to the load.

Tommy said his name like it was effortless.

Still, Tommy sounded upset and that was the last thing he wanted to do so he shook his head and met his gaze again.

"It's really nothing. I should've been watching where the hose line was."

Tommy's brow arched and Buck could see he didn't believe him. "The hose line? Seriously?"

Buck leaned into Tommy's hold and settled his hands on his chest, rubbing up and down so Tommy knew that Buck was fine. Really. He was fine.

"I clipped my face on an open compartment door. Hen checked me out. Nothing's broken. I promise that I'm fine. It's just a little bruise. It's nothing I can't handle."

Anger flared in Tommy's expression again as his jaw ticked. "You shouldn't have to."

And no, he shouldn't. Buck should have been coming home from a shift where his muscles were sore but his heart and stomach were full from another shift in the greatest job he'd ever had where Bobby was his captain and they had family dinners that didn't feel like hostage situations.

But everything would get fixed. Bobby would figure how to get back to his team and they would be waiting for him. He had to believe that.

Buck thought about pretending like he didn't see exactly what had taken root in Tommy's worry. But Tommy wasn't the only one who could see things other's couldn't.

"Baby," Buck said as he cupped his cheek. "You got out."

"He's doing this to you because of me." Tommy bit out.

"He's doing this because we aren't scared of him." Buck corrected. "None of us are."

They'd all been practically daring Gerrard to suspend them. Hen had been the first to point out how it wouldn't be so easy to get rid of them now that the chief had made a media frenzy of their crew. Gerrard may have been in charge but they didn't bend like they used to under the sharp oppression of his command. They clashed into a bruising, straining stalemate that didn't have an end date anytime soon.

But the team would hold. It's what Bobby would've wanted.

That didn't mean Gerrard didn't make their life a living hell.

Tommy frowned as he let out a long breath from his nose, his hands coming up to circle Buck's wrists so he could kiss the bolt of his palms.

"Ice," Tommy said decisively. "You need ice so I can kiss you properly."

Buck grinned despite the pain that pulsed along his cheek where he was sure the purpling bruise looked worse than it was.

Gerrard could say or do whatever he wanted to Buck. It wouldn't change the fact that, at the end of the day, Buck had Tommy to come home to and could kiss wherever he wanted. And Buck would do whatever it took to keep Tommy away from the dark cloud that was his former boss. The same boss who made him so afraid to be seen that he'd hid for years.

Buck would take a million bruises to the face before he ever let that happen.

[miriellesandthegiantpeach]

Anatomy of a Breakup | Bucktommy

All it takes is one moment; one sentence that’s misinterpreted, exposing their insecurities, and it falls apart. An argument that neither of them remember how it started, but spiraled into something else entirely.

‘I really can’t do this right now, Evan, I gotta go.’ Came from Tommy where he meant he was tired of arguing and needed a breather and Buck interpreted it through the self conscious lens that Tommy was done done. One too many slip ups on Buck’s part.

‘Wait what? Fine fucking leave then! See if I give a shit,��� Buck spat back in anger and confusion and insecurity. So Tommy left his loft and came back an hour later to find it empty. And maybe Tommy called a little too late at night and Buck was a little too tipsy to be able to talk through it or decide to wait for a better time, so they decided to just end it.

The thing is, they didn’t seem to get the memo that they were exes now; neither of them quite understanding it meant they needed to let each other go. They weren’t too good at the whole broken up thing.

**

It’s when the rest of the 118 crew petter out one by one from the bar, conveniently leaving Tommy and Buck to be the last two standing outside attempting to order separate Ubers.

Tommy is already outside when Buck closes out his tab, not even looking at how much he spent or drank for that matter. He walks out into the crisp night loose limbed and relaxed. He catches Tommy’s eyes and can’t help the smile that spreads across his lips; he believes for a moment that it’s written in the stars that Tommy is still there and not due to the Ubers taking a while. Walking over to Tommy, Buck realizes he doesn’t actually have a plan, but he knows he wants Tommy.

“Uh, hey,” Buck says a little less than eloquently. The soft smile Tommy shoots his way sends little sparks of hope down Buck’s spine. “Hey back,” Tommy says easily, refocusing on his phone.

Buck drops the need to be flirty, they’ve gone through that, they know each other better than anyone else. He goes for earnestness because that’s what works best on Tommy. Taking Tommy’s hand out of his jean’s pocket he says, “I don’t wanna go home alone tonight.” Tommy meets his eyes again and dips his chin, mouth forming a flat line.

”Evan.” That’s all Tommy says as he drops the hand holding his phone. For a minute there’s silence, searching each other’s eyes, looking for answers neither of them have. Tommy sighs and decides he’s too drunk for rational thinking especially when Buck’s hand is warm in his and tugging slightly. “You know what, me neither,” Tommy sighs and pulls Buck in the rest of the way and meets his mouth halfway. They melt against each other; they kiss easily because it’s so familiar.

Tommy breaks the kiss just long enough to check his phone, and says against Buck’s mouth, “Uber’s seven minutes away.”

Tommy can tell himself that this could be anyone’s cologne. But if he’s being honest with himself, this scent is forever associated with Buck. This lethal combination of bergamot, cardamom, and cedar that’s woodsy and sweet and has become Tommy’s own personal aphrodisiac. He takes a big indulgent inhale, aware that this could be the last time he’s this close to Buck.

He can convince himself that Buck’s stubble feels just like anyone else’s, and almost does, up until the moment Buck rasps out ‘Tommy’. No one says his name like him, whines his name the same, moans his name in such a particular way to send Tommy directly into a tailspin.

**

The hospital lights are blinding as Tommy cracks open his eyes. When he adjusts, his tired gaze falls onto Lucy.

“Donato,” he croaks, “Call Evan.”

Lucy gives him a reluctant look, “You sure? I thought you guys had a pretty nasty breakup?”

“He’s gonna find out anyway and there’s no stopping him from coming here, might as well speed up that process.” Tommy can barely move, his left arm feels numb and his ribs feel all kinds of bruised.

As soon Lucy steps into the hallway, Buck’s number on her screen, she sees said man storming down the hall looking frantic. “Calm yourself, Buckley,” she says, holding up a hand to stop him. “He’s okay, he just woke up and asked me to call you.”

”Thanks,” he says, rushes into Tommy’s room and pulls up a chair next to his bed.

“Tommy? What the hell happened, we heard over the radio-“

“Evan-“

“As soon as I heard there was a chopper from Harbor down I drove straight here-“

”Evan, please-“

”What happened? No one knew anything and I-“

“Baby!” That shuts Buck up so Tommy can finally talk. “I’m sorry. But I needed to get your attention.” He knows that word is off limits, but Buck just wouldn’t stop talking.

For the next five minutes Tommy explains everything, Buck’s hand gripping his tightly. Buck’s eyes are red rimmed making them a lighter shade of blue and Tommy can’t look at him. When he’s done, Tommy’s head falls back to the pillow and he rolls his head to make eye contact with Buck, “thanks for coming.”

“I’m so relieved you’re okay, I don’t know what I’d do if-”.

”Shhh- I’m okay.” Tommy soothes him, rubbing a thumb back and forth on his hand. Buck swallows hard and just nods, canting his body towards Tommy like he’s going to kiss him. They both feel it- the pull like gravity. They resist, both knowing they can’t break the dam, not now anyway.

**

“Tommy?” Buck chokes out as soon as Tommy answers the phone. “I didn’t know who else to- my parents-”.

“On my way,” Tommy interrupts him and speeds over to Buck’s.

The door is unlocked and Tommy finds Buck pacing in the kitchen. Without a word Tommy wraps Buck tightly in his arms. Buck takes a minute to let himself cry into Tommy’s shoulder, seeking the familiar comfort. Tommy doesn’t ask, knowing Buck will tell him. All he has to do is stroke the back of his head and pull him back by the shoulders.

There’s a telltale tremble in Buck’s hands so Tommy takes them, holding tight. “I’m sorry, I didn’t have anyone else who’d understand. Maddie and Chim were there and Jee is sick and my parents said you were just an experiment.” Buck’s tears are flowing freely down his cheeks. Breath trembling, Buck continues, “I just lost it, calling you a fling and that they were relieved I ‘got you out of my system’”. Buck spits out his parents' words in pure anger and hurt.

There’s a vice around Tommy’s heart, strangling it, because if they were being completely honest with themselves, there’s a very slim chance of them getting each other out of their systems. Their internal wiring has permanently changed.

Tommy pulls Buck’s head back into the junction of his neck and shoulder, big hands rubbing up and down his back. He clasps his hands together across Buck’s lower back and rocks them side to side. “You’re okay, Evan. We know what they’re like. Don’t let them change what you know, okay?”

Buck sniffles against his collarbone and nods, hands hanging onto Tommy’s shoulder blades. “You can always come to me, even though-”, Tommy stops himself from finishing that sentence. Even though what? Even though we're not together. Even though we’re too hurt to talk about what we need to. Even though we’re still obviously, painfully in love but too scared to admit it.

“Stay,” Buck whispers against Tommy's ear. And Tommy is powerless. Anything, Tommy thinks. I'll do anything, just say the word. If Buck asked him to, Tommy would take Buck straight to the courthouse and say ‘I do’ with whatever they can find to wrap around their ring fingers. Even now.

“Okay,” is all Tommy says out loud. He takes Buck's hand and silently pulls him upstairs and into sheets they've been tangled up together so many times before.

**

“Buck, I can’t take it anymore, you’re miserable and it’s making me miserable. For the love of God talk to Tommy and fix this,” Eddie tells Buck, frustrated that his best friend is being so hard headed.

Buck groans and puts his head in his hands. “It’s not that simple, Eds! He literally said ‘I really can’t do this right now.’ Like how else am I supposed to interpret that any other way then he’s done with me? I was fun for him while I lasted I guess, but the novelty wore off, just like with all my ex-girlfriends.”

“Well, did you give him an actual chance to explain? Maybe it wasn’t that. I know that man is absolutely head over heels for you, so I don’t believe for a second that he’s done with you.” Eddie sighs and puts a heavy hand on Buck’s shoulder. Buck turns to look at Eddie with his signature Buck sad eyes and pout.

“I’m just scared of being this huge disappointment to him, like I just feel like I’m going to slip up in a big way because of my inexperience. He gave me an out so I panicked and took it.”

Eddie tilts his head and gives Buck an exasperated look, “Maybe I’m betraying Tommy’s trust but I’m tired of you moping and you were my best friend first. Tommy is stupid over you, he was literally talking about moving in and settling down with you. Does that sound like you’re a huge disappointment?”

“He-he what?” Buck is blinking back tears. He didn’t let himself hope for all that no matter how desperately he wanted it. He wanted everything with Tommy.

“Go. Please. He’s off tonight.” Eddie barely finishes his sentence before Buck is out the door and in the Jeep.

Tommy hears the familiar engine cut off and looks up through the front window with anxious hope. Ten seconds later there’s a hasty knock on the door. Buck is on the other side, eyes are red rimmed from either crying or trying not to. Tommy tugs the other man wordlessly in by the wrist and closes the door.

With a deep breath, Tommy asks, “Evan?”

“You want to settle down with me?”

Goddamn it, Eddie, Tommy thinks, that was supposed to be confidential. All he can do is clear his throat and meet Buck’s too sincere eyes. “Yeah, whatever that looks like. You’re it for me, Evan. I don’t want anyone else.” Buck’s breath hitches at the present tense Tommy uses- he still wants him, wants a life with him.

Lunging forward, Tommy catches Buck in his arms with a surprised huff. Tommy feels the hot tears now against his neck. “I’m so sorry, Tommy. Fuck. I- I fucked it all up.” He pauses to sniffle and breathe ragged breaths. “I want that too, God I want that so bad, more than anything. I was so afraid of letting myself believe that what we had, what we have, could be that. I’ve never had something like this, never felt like this before. I guess I thought I’d be easier to break my own heart before you did.”

“Baby-” Tommy’s voice breaks and he’s holding on tight to Evan, as hard as he can without hurting him. His tears are now falling freely too. “I’m sorry too, I should’ve talked and not walked out. I was scared too- insecure that you had your fill and were going to be done with me soon.”

Pulling back, Buck makes eye contact with Tommy and cradles his face, wiping away stray tears. “Never, honey.” Buck kisses the tear tracks left behind on each cheek. “I’ll never have enough of you, never get over you, never not want you.”

They lean their foreheads together and just breathe. Both beyond relieved but angry now with themselves that they could think letting the other go was even a possibility.

“I love you,” Tommy says.

“I love you more,” Buck says back.

“Respectfully I don’t think that’s possible,” Tommy counters and makes Buck laugh. They finally find each other’s lips in a kiss that says everything that’s been built up, letting the dam break.

“I don’t wanna be broken up anymore,” Buck says, meeting Tommy’s eyes.

“Same here. Let’s not ever do that again,” Tommy smiles and it reaches his eyes. “I’ll do you one better- move in with me. I can’t go much longer without you here everyday.”

“We’ll start tomorrow,” Buck agrees and pushes the words into Tommy’s mouth.

[theotherbuckley]

a thousand ways to call you mine BONUS CHAPTER

bucktommy | Chapter 3/3 | 1.6K/14.2K | Rated E

For @bucktommypositivityweek nicknames and terms of endearment 💜

Pet names +1 +1 husbands (read on ao3)

Wrapped up in the love of his life’s arms is exactly where Tommy wants to be forever.

He didn’t really think this would ever be a real possibility for him.

Tommy had grown up with a dad who made it clear that he wouldn’t tolerate anything less than a perfectly masculine, woman-loving man. And so that’s what he became.

He pushed down any other feelings he had, squashed them deep down into the depths of his mind until he was sure they couldn't escape.

Every time he’d find a guy attractive, he’d tell himself it was their feminine features that drew him in. It didn’t matter that half the time, they were massive, built like a Greek god, men. He didn’t let himself think about it any more than that. Maybe he was just jealous of them. He repeated that like an oath.

He joined the army because his dad wanted him to — and Tommy wanted nothing more than to make him proud. He did well in the army, he followed orders like a good little soldier. He learnt to fly helicopters, something that would become a place of solace.

He always felt in control as a pilot. The one place where he could be himself without any expectation. Where it wasn’t others' rules that dictated his actions. Just him, in the air, a place where he could breathe.

When he became a firefighter, he found a crew that felt so much like his family at home. He understood how to behave there, he didn’t mess up like he had done so many times with his dad. He knew the unwritten rules. He played his part no matter how many times that little voice inside him told him he was a liar, a hypocrite.

It wasn’t until he was back in his element, flying aircrafts with people who respected each other, that he finally managed to unlearn every piece of hatred that had been engrained so deeply inside of him since he was old enough to understand what it meant.

And then he met Evan. Evan wasn’t his first boyfriend, but that didn’t matter. He was everything in the end.

Evan introduced himself, stumbling over his own name in a way that Tommy found far too cute for the impending emergency they had at hand. He didn’t dwell on it at the time, but he was comfortable enough with himself to be able to look and appreciate the man without hating the thoughts that swirled around his mind like he once had.

What he saw was a gorgeous man who said the most outlandish but well-meant things. Someone who loved so strongly. Someone brave and kind, who blushed so brightly at any compliment. 

He never anticipated that after that, he would end up here — holding that beautiful man in his arms, able to call him his. 

Evan fits in his arms like he was made for them. Okay, maybe it takes a lot of shuffling around for a massive firefighter and pilot to sit comfortably together. It didn’t matter, though, it always felt so right. 

They’re sitting in a hotel bed, lazily drawing lines on each other’s skin with their fingers, smiling up at each other every time the light catches on the silver bands adorned on their ring fingers.

“I love you,” Evan whispers, as though speaking any louder would break the precious bubble they’ve created for themselves.

“I love you, too, husband,” Tommy replies, shooting Evan his signature smile, his eyes scrunching up in the corners. Evan raises his hand to Tommy’s face, fingers trailing the soft lines etched there.

continue reading or read on ao3

“I love you,” Evan says again, he can’t seem to stop saying it, hasn’t been able to stop since the ceremony. Tommy isn’t complaining. He feels it, too. He feels the way his heart wants to burst from his chest because of the magnitude of love contained inside. The way he needs to repeat his love for his husband over and over again just to keep his heart in check.

Tommy presses a gentle kiss to Evan’s curls, a move that always has Evan melting into his hold. “I love you, too,” he says back, just because he can.

“I never imagined having a husband,” Evan says, staring at the ring on his finger like it contains all the secrets in the world. 

“Neither did I,” Tommy admits. “But I’m so happy I got to have one. Got to have you.”

Evan shuffles even closer to his body if that’s even possible with the way they’re pressed up against each other, but he tries anyway — tries to merge their atoms together until there’s no telling where one ends and the other begins. 

He kisses right above Tommy’s peck before staring back up at him, smiling lazily, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.

Tommy doesn’t think he’ll ever get over this look. His husband’s curls, free and slightly dishevelled, perfect for running his fingers through. He’ll never get over his husband’s rosy red cheeks and bright eyes filled with awe and love. The blooming love bites adorning his smooth skin, evidence of their well-spent honeymoon. The silver ring, engraved on the inside with a simple yours because that’s what they are — inexplicably each others. Each others to love and to cherish. For as long as they each shall live.

“What are you thinking about?” Evan asks, his fingers running down the groves of his chest.

“You,” Tommy says. Always you.

Evan shoots him his award-winning smile, the one that makes his eyes shine. Love so clearly evident within the blue pools of his irises.

“Yeah?” Evan asks.

“Yeah, baby. Just thinking how lucky I am to call you mine.”

“Mmm, yours,” Evan agrees, rolling himself fully onto Tommy's body as he kisses down his neck. Sucking every inch of skin available like he’s starved for it. 

Tommy lets him take his fill, wrapping his arms around Evan’s back and holding him close so that not even an inch separates them. Tommy’s hips jerk when his husband bites at the sensitive region behind his ear. The movement makes Evan laugh. The soft chuckle filling the air with warmth and love. Tommy loves that sound. He wishes he could bottle it up and store it for later to listen to whenever he needs it.

He doesn’t have to, though, because Evan’s not going anywhere.

“Come here,” Tommy says as if they’re not practically glued together already. Evan, always on the same wavelength, understands him anyway.

He lifts his head from the groove of his neck to hover in front of his face.

Their lips move to each other like magnets until they meet in a kiss. Tommy opens his mouth, lets Buck’s tongue explore inside like he hasn’t already spent many months mapping it out. 

Tommy grips Buck’s hips tighter, pulling him flush against himself until their groins meet, electricity rushing through his gut. Tommy swallows down the moan Evan lets out at the action, smiling into the kiss as he rolls them over until his husband is lying on his back.

Evan pulls back, panting, squirming on the bed as he seeks the delicious friction. Tommy gives him what he needs, rutting leisurely against him until they’re both groaning into each other's mouths. 

They’re barely kissing anymore, but neither is complaining, content to trade breaths like they need it to live. Tommy thinks that maybe he does.

Tommy licks his palm, too lazy to reach for the lube sitting on the bedside table. He reaches down to grasp both of them in his hands, jerking them slowly, like they have all the time in the world. They do, of course. Right now, there’s nobody but them; they’re just two men trying their damnedest to become one.

Evan whimpers when Tommy’s thumb brushes over his slit, collecting the precome gathered there, his hips bucking further into Tommy’s large hands.

It doesn’t take long for the both of them to get close. Tommy speeds up his movements, erratically jerking them to the finish line. Evan lifts his legs to wrap around Tommy’s back, desperately trying to press himself even closer. His fingers dig into Tommy’s back, no doubt leaving indents in the skin. Tommy’s not one to complain, he wants the world to know that he’s taken, married to someone he never dared to dream he could have.

“I love you, husband,” Tommy breathes between open-mouthed kisses.

“I love you, husband,” Evan repeats, like a prayer. 

That's all either needs to send them over the edge, come shooting onto their stomachs, marking each other as their own. Evan goes boneless, dropping his arms and melting into the mattress. Tommy feels much the same, dropping onto Evan’s chest, their come sticky between them, but neither cares too much at that moment.

Evan lets out an “oomph” as Tommy rests his weight on him, but he doesn’t tell him to move, craving the feel of his partner in every way he can have him. They stay like that for a while, neither in a rush to move. 

“What was the point of me coming up with pet names when husband was a possibility all along?” Evan says after a moment.

Tommy can’t contain his laughter, tucking his head into his husband’s neck as he shakes with the force of his laugh. 

“I don’t know, husband,” Tommy says with a wink. “But it was a lot of fun.”

“Mmm, it really was, husband.”

[inawickedlittletown]

How Do I Love Thee (BuckTommy) - one-shot

Summary: A sweet moment between Buck and Tommy where Buck gets to tell Tommy what he likes about him.

BuckTommy Positivity Week Day 1: what they love most about each other.

Rated: G

Words: 1.3k

Notes: Title comes from the poem of the same title by Elizabeth Barret Browning, the beginning of which is quoted below:

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace."

@bucktommypositivityweek

-

Read on Ao3

Fingers traced a line on Tommy’s back. It felt like the ghost of a touch, but he was so attuned to Evan that it didn’t matter how gentle the finger went or how it barely even touched his skin. 

“Hmm, I love how I could just play connect the dots with your back,” Evan said, voice low and warm. 

“What are you drawing back there, then?” 

“Stars. Stick figures. I’m not a very good artist.” 

Tommy laughed and he felt Evan drop his head to Tommy’s back, laughing as well. Laughs turned to kisses soon enough, a trail of them going up his shoulder and to his neck, Evan pressing his nose right behind his ear and lingering there. Tommy didn’t move, felt Evan’s arms circle him and then Evan’s chin on his shoulder. 

Across the left side of his bed was the wardrobe whose right door was a full length mirror. Reflected on it were the two of them. He could see that Evan had captured the reflection too, meeting his eyes on it and earning a smile. 

“We look good together,” Evan said and he pressed his head to Tommy’s. “Especially when your shirt is off.” 

“Is that what you like about me?” Tommy asked. 

“Hmm, yes, that and so much more,” Evan said, pulling at Tommy so he could turn to face him. 

Evan was on his knees, bare except the underwear he’d slipped on after their shower and if it wasn’t for the activities before the shower and in the shower, Tommy might have been inclined to get them off of him. Just looking at him, at all the skin on display and at the warmth that he exuded was enough for Tommy to reach for him and draw him into a slow lazy kiss. It was enough for him to consider if going a third round was an option. 

“That,” Evan said against his lips. “I love that.” 

Evan pulled away to lay down. His curls were free of product, already drying, and they stood out on the pillow. Tommy loved getting to see him like that, in a way that most people didn’t. Tommy took his time joining him on the fresh sheets, taking Evan in. He had scars like they all did, but they didn’t mar him as much as told a story of his survival. His tattoos were a testament to dumb decisions because from Evan’s own admission they weren’t very deep or thought out. In Tommy’s eyes they were a mark of who he had been when he was younger. 

“Come here,” Evan said. 

Tommy settled himself next to Evan, head on the pillow, facing him. Evan’s hands immediately went to Tommy, a gentle touch to his shoulder and his neck and then to caress his lightly stubbled cheek. 

“You want to know what I love about you?” Evan asked. “The list is long.” 

“Yeah?” 

Evan chuckled. “You already know I think you’re hot,” he said. “That’s such a small part of what I like about you.” 

Tommy hated a little bit that it felt so good to hear that. Not that Evan had ever in the four months they’d been together, made him feel like it was the thing that kept him with Tommy. It was just that there was always that niggling thing that asked why he could be so lucky as to have Evan in his life when so many others had only been interested in his muscles and what Tommy could do for them in bed. Evan was different. 

Evan kept touching him. Light distracting touches. Tommy could only watch him as he inhaled a breath and smiled at him. 

“I like that your chin has a cleft. I like that I can actually feel small in your arms. I like that your hands are big but that you can do so much delicate work with them. I like that you have a bunch of hobbies and you’re good at so many things. I like that you wear reading glasses. I like that you snore when you’re tired — no, don’t deny it. It’s cute.”

Tommy closed his mouth, felt Evan’s finger linger over his lips. He kissed the finger and Evan grinned, leaning forward to replace the finger with his lips for a quick chaste kiss. 

Evan kept going, “I like that you run cold so we can cuddle all night without getting too sweaty. I like that you’re patient. I like that you’re understanding. I like that you know who you are. Your confidence.”

Tommy made a noise to interrupt, but Evan gave a subtle shake of his head. 

“I’ve never met anyone so sure of who they are,” Evan said. “And I know it took a lot for you to get to this point, Tommy. That’s why I admire it so much. You changed for the better and you grew into this person…the person you were meant to be all along.” 

“Oh,” Tommy said and why did words feel like a hug felt? How was it that Evan could do that to him?

“There’s more,” Evan said. 

Tommy didn’t know if he could handle that, hadn’t known that there was so much for Evan to list. Evan’s hand had found his and he gripped it. 

“I’m building to something,” Evan admitted. His eyes were shining and Tommy squeezed his hand because he was emotional too. 

“I like how much you love to fly and how you’re freer up there than anywhere else. I like that you can only really make pasta well and not much else because it means I can cook for you and feed you. I like that you have a secret sweet tooth and that you have strange taste in ice cream, I mean whose favorite flavor is matcha? Also you liked that cilantro ice cream which I’m still questioning.” 

Tommy laughed. “It was good, I swear.” 

“If you say so,” Evan said. “Do you want me to keep going?”

He wanted to say no, but instead he nodded because he could tell that Evan wanted to keep going. Tommy also knew that it would take him over the emotional edge. 

“I like that you let me set the pace and that when we finally got to the good stuff you made sure I was alright every step of the way. I like that you text me everyday even when we’re both on shift and busy. I like that you let me talk at you about random things and that somehow you actually listen. I like that I can lean on you and trust you. Most of all, I like that there is no doubt in my mind that you care about me with no strings or conditions or in spite. I like that you like me maybe even more than I like that you’ve let me love you.”

“Evan,” Tommy whispered, his emotions in his voice. He wasn’t a cryer, but he’d already cried in front of Evan twice, what was once more? 

Evan inhaled. He looked close to tears too and he was staring at Tommy with wonder. 

Sometimes, very early on, Tommy had wondered how long it could last between them. How quickly would Evan realize that it wasn’t Tommy he wanted even if he’d served to awaken his queerness. He’d wondered if Evan would get curious about other men or if he might decide it was easier to keep dating women. But, Evan proved him wrong and four months in, Tommy didn’t fear that anymore. He knew Evan loved him, they had exchanged those words and it had been more about saying it than anything else because they had both already known about the love shared between them. 

“I missed one,” Evan said suddenly. 

“Evan,” Tommy whispered. 

“Your smile,” Evan said. “I really really love your smile.”

[nqueso-emergency]

I think there is something that although has been previously discussed, most people ignore.

Forgive me if I cannot word this perfectly, but I’m running on very little sleep.

A lot of the times, for shows and characters to work, it’s all about intention and the truth behind it. Let me put a quick example:

-We see Bobby trying to better himself. Especially after getting help in Season 1. This is his intention. Throughout the series we’ve seen the truth behind it, hence why we’ve been able to latch onto him and to consider him one of the most beloved characters of the universe. We see his intentions, we see him trying, and even when he’s not fully successful, the truth behind it all does not change.

Now. Let’s just move to what we were presented with Bucktommy:

-Ever since they went canon, BuckTommy has been different compared to past Buck’s LI. They had their big moment at the hospital, sure, but they also had a pivotal moment at the café. Where Buck expresses his intentions towards Tommy. And you can see the truth behind those as well.

-The scene in the graveyard, to me, adds to this. Not directly from Buck’s words, but what the show is telling us. During the whole episode, but especially during this scene. They give us a beautiful, significant moment between Buck and Tommy. The way Buck looks at Tommy when he says the phrase on people making life worth living - that is a show of intention. And the intention behind it is to show us Tommy is really important to Buck. That the relationship is very important, because here they are, having a big moment in ways we have not seen that much outside of main couples (if at all).

So. Intentions and truth.

Let’s say BuckTommy breaks up next ep. What does that do (talking for the GA)? It shows the intention they had seen with Bucktommy all along was not truthful. That investing or liking the couple was a bit for nothing, because in the end it was done.

(small side note to say - with Taylor the intention and truth was there from the start of 5b. Right away it was glaringly obvious the relationship was doomed. So I personally don’t see the comparisons with this relationship).

Lastly - what would this mean moving forward? Because the GA has seen that the intentions were not truthful, and that what they were shown on screen didn’t matter. In my honest opinion (but feel more than free to disagree!), they would become distrusting. And, whenever Buck had another relationship, they would either take a long time to see it as something worth caring about, or they would fall into the mindset of: well they’re gonna break up soon anyway.

the network wants their audience to trust them, because if they become untrustworthy, they’re doomed.

All of this!!

[bucksdaffy]

On one hand I do understand the need to finally let Buck be chill and just enjoy a stress free loving relationship. On the other hand GIVE ME THE ANGST. A big fight, incomprehension, one showing up to the other's door afterward and Buck understanding Tommy's not gonna leave him if/when they have problems I LOVE THAT

well, good news, nonny! 911 is a drama show, so if bucktommy are getting screentime, i think there’s a high chance we’re in for some good ol’ angst.

i can’t lie; i’d kill for a storyline where buck and tommy have a huge fight. buck feeling gutted because he fucked up—of course he did; he’s such a pain in the ass. tommy could do so much better. why would he stick around? he’ll leave, just like abby and ali did. he has better things to do with his life than deal with buck. buck isn’t tommy’s priority, just like he wasn’t taylor’s priority. why would it be any different this time? at the core, he’s still the same buck—the buck who everyone leaves once they get the chance to know him. it always ends when they get that look beyond the surface. no one wants to deal with that. tommy is no different; he showed it when he walked out the door mid-argument. it’s over.

yet buck keeps checking his phone, coming up with pathetic excuses totally unrelated to tommy to justify why he's doing it. but deep down, he knows. he can feel his heart full of hope that he’ll see tommy’s name in his notifications. but he never does. and it’s tearing him up inside. he wants to reach out; he desperately wants to make it work. but the problem is, it’s not something that tommy wants. and buck loves him, so he has to respect that.

and this goes on for a couple of days, buck losing hope that tommy might prove him wrong with each passing moment. it is just like all the last times. buck was naive to even hope that this relationship would be different. so he comes back home from his shift one dreadful day, ready to go straight to bed and cry his eyes out like the pathetic loser he feels he is. but as he opens the door, he stops dead in his tracks. because tommy is sitting at the table, waiting for him.

he apologizes for taking so long to get back to him, saying they both needed space to process their feelings. buck at that point doesn’t even remember what they were arguing about; all he can focus on is that tommy’s here. he came back. he wants to resolve this. he doesn’t want to give up. he still wants to fight for their relationship.

buck learns tommy left only because they kept going in circles, and arguing further would only cause them to resent each other. and this was something tommy desperately wanted to avoid. he needed the space to remind himself of what matters to him the most: buck.

and then buck just embraces tommy, tears streaming down his face, happy because he finally has a partner who is just as invested in the relationship as he is. and he knows now that although they might need a little break from time to time, they’ll always come back to each other. and this realization is what finally allows buck to relax into this relationship, feeling more confident and secure that he has finally found his person who’s not going anywhere. of course, he still has doubts from time to time, as it’s hard to fully change your thinking habits just like that. i think buck is the type of person who needs constant reassurance to know that something's working. so, with every next fight—while definitely easier on him—there’s still a twinge of anxiety in his chest because what if this is the moment that finally causes tommy to leave? but it never happens. and despite all the hurdles in their relationship, buck finally feels more secure than he’s ever been in his life.

okay, i kind of went full-fanfic with this one. i’m pretty sure nothing fully developed like that will happen in canon—if anything, maybe a mild version of it. but honestly, i think it would be so satisfying if we got such a storyline. i really want buck to have a romantic partner with whom he can be absolutely vulnerable without worrying that they might leave. however, i don’t think this could happen without a proper big fight first. i really hope tim decides to explore this aspect of their relationship in the future.

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here bestie, ready with the gin to endure whatever nonsense Eddie's plot is devolving into this week. God I hope the focus on Henren or Bathena so I can walk away with some sense of satisfaction. I'm not even going to attempt to say something good might come out if it, since history isn't on our side this season wrt Eddie. Tim needs to lay off his Hitchcock obsession, he did Psycho on LS last season, is doing Vertigo now, and both plots were utter nonsense. At least I got a good laugh today looking at the stills from the Oliver and Lou interview. Somebody should have told Oliver to blink 3 times if he's there against his will, though the fact that he looks like he's actively leaning towards the nearest exit probably says it just as well.

Yeah, the sooner bucktommy ends the happier I'll be. The relationship itself is fine, on par with every other BS relationship Buck was in really, but the fandom around it is exhausting and the active attempts to erase any semblance of Eddie in Buck's life is just so, so dumb (and pointless, like Buck wouldn't be the same without Eddie in his life just as Eddie isn't the same without Buck). Anyway cheers friend, we're on the precipice of something that looks both exciting and annoying, let's hope the scales tip in our favor 🍷🍸🥃.

Well, as I'm sure you guessed by my late answer, I saw this and waved at you from post limit jail, due to the d20 finale last night. I wish Tumblr would have a pop up like, "hey, you have 5 posts left before you hit post limit today!" or something so I could prepare!

So, good news, the Bobby and Henren stuff was *chefs kiss* angsty and dramatic and pulled at my heartstrings! The Bobby montage as he's giving his Captain Dad advice and having Buck cook, and calling Hen "Mother Hen" (while looking at Buck and Eddie 👀👀👀), giving the prayer book to Eddie, giving tips to Ravi, calling out orders on scene, it was all so much! And GOD, them taking that poor little girl away, and Denny stepping between that man and his sister, I was in TEARS! The Bobby and Athena talk got me too, and then him seeing his dead dad?! Bobby is going THROUGH IT and I ate it up!

As for Eddie I- legitimately do not know what to say. The whole thing was a mess, Kim giving herself bangs?? to roleplay with a stranger?? was just SO WEIRD and off-putting. Sorry I guess I'm just a hater but I think Eddie getting stuck with actresses like GW and EG means that him having scenes with anyone else feels good? but I'm not falling all over myself about any magical chemistry 🤷🏻‍♀️I hate this storyline and I'm tired of the narrative that this was some great love Eddie is missing out on when season 2-3 gave us actual canon evidence that it isn't true, and it feels more like Tim wanted Devin back and thought he could get away with it now that the audience had some space and KR spent all last season pretending Shannon was some saint (when he killed Shannon off so quickly originally because he said the audience wasn't going to forgive her and he didn't want to waste screentime on that when grief tied in with anger and abandonment was a more interesting storyline for Eddie and Chris). I'm also VERY curious about where the "Eddie realizing he's been looking at the relationship with rose colored glasses and living in delusion about it" is because GIRL that wasn't it. Eddie crying about her being the great love of his life and how they could have had it all is NOT him taking off the rose colored glasses, no matter how pretty Ryan looks when he's crying.

ANYWAY. I was already not on board with this but the writers dragging Chris into it too just gives me the ick. And it might resolve fine, but GOD!! THE JOURNEY MATTERS!! It matters how the characters get places! And this is just...not just a mess but a completely unnecessary one. They could address Eddie's grief and delusions about his relationship with Shannon (and her relationship with Chris because don't think I didn't clock him bringing up her (shit ass guilt trip) letter but not that she abandoned her son and cut off all contact for years) without resorting to trashy soapy doppelganger nonsense and cheating drama. And it's WILD because Bobby's arc this season and his relationship with Athena, and Henren's storyline have been SO GOOD, and even though there were some pacing and tone issues, even the Madney stuff has been good (and Kenny always slays the dramatic arcs!). Buck has taken a mostly supportive backseat this season which, while I ADORE him, was needed after the mess KR made of his character and her apparent lack of interest in the majority of the other main characters and his personal storyline (the bi realization, being Eddie's partner for all the big emotional talks) is also fine, it just got hijacked by some absolutely bizarre shipping strangeness over a couple minutes of screentime. But GOD Eddie's shit has been such a weird mess! It wasn't enough to be stuck with the transphobe all season, we also had to add in this nonsense?! Thanks, I hate it. At least we might finally be allowed to let Shannon go?? I am literally begging at this point.

As for th b/t of it all, I have literally blocked it from my mind and out of my existence (the ONE perk of my tumblr app still not working and having to do most of my stuff in my phone browser means I haven't really seen my dash lately and I've been smart about staying out of the tag for once) because it's just not worth the headache the bad takes give me. I'm just...so tired. I was willing to watch it play out (felt very much like Ali as the first step post-Abby, something background setting up for more later *cries in s4 Buddie canon*) but go at this point I just need it to be over for EVERYONE'S sanity. Especially Oliver's because like, girl. Why do you look like you're trapped in that loft with MW again?! Why so haunted? Girl, are you okay?? Oliver?? And how he continues to just post Buddie/Ryan stuff?? Loud.

I'm just...tired. So tired. And I need a drink. Imma go find some absolutely filthy/funny/fun Buddie fic and drown myself in that because I have the unfortunate feeling it's gonna be a LONG fucking hiatus.

Cheers friend. I know I always say if we can survive RNM (with it's own doppelganger storyline) then we can survive anything but GOD it would be nice to not have it be so hard.

[blazinghotfoggynights]

I know Buddie fans prior to season 7 were not delusional, misinterpreting scenes, or making it all up. There were too many instances that were blatantly hinting at attraction, even if the two involved were oblivious.

(Also, platonic friends don't act like that. You may be able to gaslight those with very little life experience, but some of us have circled the sun more than a few times.)

With all that being said, I am at a point where I can see the writing on the wall. Buck and Eddie? I would say there is an infinitesimal chance it ever happens and that guy in power is laying the foundation for a BuckTommy endgame and Eddie Diaz is being confirmed as completely het. I wouldn't even be surprised if this is leading to an Eddie Diaz exit.

Buddie never happening is okay. I've been in fandom long enough to know there are authors who will give us excellent alternatives.

My issue lies with the character currently dating Buck and how he is being portrayed and embraced. (If you can't deal with even a bit of Tommy criticism, don't go past this point. This isn't about the ship wars or the actor. This is about accountability and the portrayal of women, LGBTQ, and POC in fiction.)

Before BuckTommy fans accuse me of being a Buddie shipper who is delusional or jealous, please. They are fictional characters. There are fanfic writers who are doing the lord's work, so I am completely fine.

What I don't like is the obviously slanted take on the situation of the character Buck has been paired with.

I haven't been extremely vocal about my feelings for the Tommy Kinard character and how his return has been handled, but I am going to touch upon it now.

I think the manner of that character's return is tone deaf and disrespectful to people of color, LGBTQ people, and women. Tommy now being an out gay man does not suddenly absolve him of his past actions. Racist, misogynist, homophobic taunting, insults, and humiliation have no excuse. Okay, there is one, but this blog is not ready to get into all that. (IYKYK)

Tommy Kinard returning to a universe where his deplorable actions are explained as merely giving in to peer pressure AND, what is even more unnerving, his victims forgiving him and becoming his friends is a slap in the face to every single POC, woman, or LGBTQ person who has been tortured for just being who they are. So no, I don't support or like the character and how his return has been handled. If he is called out and held accountable, that may change.

Before any problematic fans take that and run with it, I am going to say my issue is with the CHARACTER. I don't know a damn thing about the actor who portrays him. As a woman who spent time in a male dominated field, I know what it is like to be surrounded by those who feel that as het white males, they own the space and heaven help anyone who doesn't fit the same description.

Would I love to see Buddie happen? It's obvious I would. But, as with any work, the author has the right to take the story in any direction he or she wants to. They aren't obligated to give the fans what they want. That is what fandom works are for.

As someone who has witnessed the type of behavior Tommy engaged in under the prior Captain's tenure more often than I care to think about, erasing his past with a mere stroke of a key and acting as if it didn't happen or didn't matter makes me feel some type of way. Those who have experienced that treatment know what I am talking about. The people who are on the receiving end of the hatred are always expected to accept apologies, regardless of how self-serving or disingenuous they are, with appreciation, grace, and forgiveness. That is seriously problematic.

I don't mind if Buck and Eddie end up with other people. I just don't want those other people to be Tommy and Marisol. Give Buck a good guy or girl and give Eddie, well, right now, daily therapy and later, a good person.

For balance, I am not a Marisol fan either. Hiding important facts about yourself because you think the person will leave you is manipulative and deceitful. I've left people for doing it and I support anyone for doing the same.

[buckevantommy]

buck greeting his parents who surprise visit him at work: "i hope you weren't waiting long" - another example of toptier dialogue, as it refers to his entire life. it also speaks to his deepseeded issues of low self worth, because even though he's angry and hurting over the secrecy, his first words are still making sure he didn't unwittingly disappoint them (again). 😩

they.. they think his coworkers are kind.. they heard lots of stories about buck.. they think his coworkers like him a lot.. 🥹(feels like too little too late)

..small boy. 🤏🥺

..he starts the conversation with an apology. i'm chewing glass. but it's his big heart on display, saying how he can't imagine not being able to save someone you love (and of course the apology is partly for him, not being able to play his part) 😩😭

"BUCK. people who know me, call me buck." there is some juicy meta over the chosen name aspect of it all, how 'buck' was a work necessity that became a chosen nickname. he could let his parents call him evan, but he doesn't want to, he wants them to call him by his chosen name, by the person he is and chooses to be. (don't come at me about the tommy of it all, tommy and maddie are in different leagues to his parents and he has different justifications for letting them - liking them - calling him evan; it's an intimacy thing).

hearing them say (well, his father) that they don't blame him, that it's not his fault - and for buck to say he still wishes he could've done more?? where's that jar of my heart dust, i'm gonna forge it into glass so it can shatter again... 🫠

"you were born to save someone. and that's what you do. every day we are so proud of you." 😩👩‍🚒

*my glass heart shattering in the background..* 🔨

the absence of maddie in this part, with chim speaking for her and for the truth of things, i really love it - because just like hen and bobby and athena and eddie, chim is buck's (chosen) family and he's telling buck that he is wanted and loved. plus he's filling in gaps, helping right some misconceptions on buck's part.

oh.... buck forgiving his parents because he didn't feel betrayed because he never counted on them anyway. 💔🔨

buck wondering about whether he'd be the same person if he knew about daniel. ohhhh those rabbitholes we travel down of the what-ifs of life.... 🕳️ 🙈

buck wanting maddie to tell him about daniel 🥹🫶 and she kept his postcards! when she left doug "everything that mattered the most" was in her two suitcases. buck matters most 🥹💞

cue ANOTHER Nick Drake song?! i'd heard there was one in this ep which i was ecstatic about, but i didn't know there was a second one!! holyshit. 🤩🎶💖 "..brighten my northern sky.."

(may i direct anyone here to the Nick Drake alternatives i made for the bucktommy coffee date scene - i didn't do "one of these things first" but now I wish I had, but i did do "northern sky" which is the end song for this ep. you can check the edits out below:)

the montage over the music of maddie and buck moments is such a lovely send off for the ep: noting how, as much as evan appreciated having maddie in his life, maddie appreciate evan just as much. the poignant "we'll still love you even if you're not a firefighter" and "you're never going to be left behind, no matter what" touching on two of buck's biggest fears: that he's not worthwhile if he's nothing, and that people will always leave him. but buck has maddie, and his found family, and he always will, no matter what. 👏🥹💞

(i do wish we'd gotten a hug at the end, but maddie hugging buck's arm while he looks at the postcards will have to do for now.)

watching Buck Begins for the first time.. here we go…… 

[inawickedlittletown]

Just Let Me Adore You (BuckTommy) - 8/9

Summary: What if…instead of Chimney taking the role of interim Captain of the 118, Tommy is asked to take on the role.

Or, what happens when Buck meets Tommy in S2

Words: 3.8k

Notes: Title from Adore You by Harry Styles

Read on Ao3

Part One - Part Two - Part Three

Part Four - Part Five - Part Six

Part Seven

-

Part Eight

He’d been calling Evan his boyfriend in his head for the last month. He knew they hadn’t talked about it, but considering how any time his shift ended in time for dinner he headed over to Evan’s and how his schedule had started to revolve around being available to take him to his PT appointments, it wasn’t without some merit. 

So, when one of the hikers they rescued started to flirt with him, Tommy couldn’t help but just shake his head.

“Sorry. I’m actually taken.” 

“Figures.” 

It was once they were back at the station that Melton turned to him. “Taken, eh? So are you lying to the people that hit on you now?” 

“Not lying,” Tommy said. “I am dating someone.”

“I thought you’d given up dating.” 

“I had,” Tommy said. “But I met someone and he’s pretty great. Going to see him tonight, actually.” 

“I guess you have looked happier lately, Kinard,” Melton said. “Thought it was just about getting back here, but I guess it wasn’t just that.” 

Tommy shrugged his shoulders. When their shift ended, he didn’t even bother heading home and instead went straight to Evan’s apartment. When he knocked on the door, he was surprised to see Maddie. That was another thing they hadn’t talked about, even though he was pretty sure that Evan’s physical therapist had made a comment or two about them and Evan hadn’t refuted it. 

“Oh,” she said. “Hi, Tommy. Buck, your boyfriend’s here!” She called the last over her shoulder. 

Tommy froze. Maddie smiled at him and stepped out of the way and let Tommy in. It looked a little bit chaotic in Evan’s apartment and he didn’t see Evan anywhere. 

“What’s happening here?” 

“Just a bit of rearranging,” Maddie said. 

He spotted Evan walking down the stairs and smiled, stepping towards the stairs to meet him at the bottom. 

“So, boyfriend?” he asked. 

Evan’s cheeks were pink, but he was smiling. “Guess so.” 

“Guess that means we’re on the same page,” Tommy replied. 

Tommy pressed their lips together in a quick kiss, aware that Evan’s sister was somewhere in the apartment. 

“Where can I help?” 

They hadn’t had concrete plans for the night. Tommy had envisioned taking Evan out for dinner maybe close to the beach so they could go and walk on the sand. He didn’t mind that it had turned into getting Evan’s apartment back to how it used to be before he needed to sleep on the first floor. Between the three of them they got the couch back down and the bed back up. Seeing Evan moving up and down the stairs without complaint and even lifting furniture helped to cement how well he’d healed up. 

Afterwards, they had dinner with Maddie and Tommy got to know her a little better. In all the time since Evan was hurt, he’d only really seen her in passing. He knew a little about her, but not much, and most of it came from a fact dropped here or there from Evan. 

“So, you used to be a nurse?” Tommy double checked. 

“It was kinda inevitable with how often I was cleaning up this one’s scrapes and bruises,” she said pointing at Evan. 

Evan just shrugged his shoulders with a big grin on his face. 

“And Doug,” Evan said, making a face. 

Tommy had no idea who Doug was, but he didn’t pry. 

Maddie nodded. “That was a factor. Either way, I always liked it.” 

“Ever think of going back to it?” 

“I did, but being a dispatcher is rewarding in its own ways. Hard too, sometimes, but I know I make a difference and that’s all that matters.” 

The topic changed to Evan’s plans once the doctors officially cleared him. 

“I still think you’re trying to get back too early,” Maddie said. “Getting around and going up and down stairs is not the same as the level of physicality involved in your job. I’m right, aren’t I, Tommy?” 

“I’ve been working out too without any problems,” Evan interjected. 

Maddie looked to Tommy. 

Tommy lifted his hands. “I think if his doctors have said he’s cleared and the department says he’s good to go that should be that.” 

“Thank you,” Evan said. 

“I just don’t want you to push yourself,” Maddie said. 

Evan gave a nod. “I know. And I’m not, I’m ready.” 

When she left, Maddie gave Evan and then Tommy a hug. 

“She’s not wrong,” Tommy said, carefully as soon as the door was closed. “There’s no rush for you to get back to work. Your job will be there waiting.” 

Evan let Tommy lead him to the living room and to the newly returned couch. They sat down and Evan immediately crowded into Tommy’s space. Tommy wrapped an arm around him, bringing him even closer.

“Logically, that makes sense, but I just need to get back to where I belong. I know you get that.” 

Tommy nodded slowly. He kissed the side of Evan’s head, breathed him in. 

“It’s like when you were sent back to the 118. You weren’t where you belonged, not really.” 

Tommy hummed. “I was, I think. Met you, didn’t I?” 

“Somehow, I think that would have happened regardless at some point, don’t you?” 

Tommy didn’t believe in fate or any of that type of thing and yet there was something about Evan that told him that yes they would have met eventually. On that he and Evan could agree. 

“Sure,” he said. “So, I didn’t tell you what happened that put me back at the 118, did I?” Tommy asked. 

In all the time that they had spent together, Tommy had never brought it up, but he wanted Evan to know about it. 

“No. You didn’t. And you don’t have to if you don’t—”

Tommy’s hand reached for his, twinning their fingers. “I want you to know.” 

“Okay,” Evan said. “What happened?”

Tommy didn’t respond at once. The whole incident was very much still forefront in his mind even though it had been months since it happened. It had begun at the start of his shift when Tommy arrived to find out that Melton was out with a stomach virus and that Fielding’s wife had gone into labor. Tommy didn’t really mind working with other aeromedics or pilots, but it did mean that some of the ease of his day was gone. 

The first few calls of the day hadn’t been much trouble. They were run of the mill. It was when they got called out to a car accident that it got a little interesting. 

“Car accident,” Evan said, “was it a bad one?” 

“Yeah, I mean, I’m not usually called out for anything minor. The guy we were transporting was young in his early twenties. He was in a flipped car and he had a collapsed lung on top of a possible spinal injury. Firefighters on the scene had already extricated him. We were just there for transport. His father was in the car with him, but he came out of it with bumps and bruises and they had already ruled out a concussion. It would have been easier if he had one.” 

Evan was listening intently and after taking a breath, Tommy continued, “Walsh was the aeromedic with me. I went out to help him load the patient on and the father was already acting strange. When the kid started to come to as we loaded him, he didn’t act like a worried parent.” 

“What did he act like?” Evan asked. 

He’d berated the kid. As far as Tommy had been able to tell the kid hadn’t even been at fault for the accident, but the father was acting like he was. Nothing about his wording spoke to worry or concern for if his kid might make it. Tommy had tried to ask him to stop bothering his kid, but the father didn’t stop and Walsh had done nothing. 

“We didn’t have time to waste,” Tommy told Evan. “So, I went and got ready for us to fly out. Walsh had the kid in hand so I wasn’t concerned about that and the father was in the helicopter. We just got in the air and that was when the dad started on a rant—”

Tommy could still remember it clearly, had felt all of it down to his bones and maybe it was his own parental trauma, but no kid should have had to hear their parent say anything, not especially during such a situation. 

He repeated a bit of it for Evan. “It was transphobic. Things like you’re a girl…see you can’t even drive just like any other girl. Lying to yourself saying you’re a boy. Calling the boy’s choices a mistake.” 

“Oh,” Evan said. 

“Yeah, so then Walsh started asking questions and I figured he’d try to diffuse the situation.”

“That’s not what happened, is it?” Evan asked. 

“No. For one thing Walsh started talking about the kid like he was a girl. I figured okay maybe he’s trying to connect with the guy and calm him down, but then it just kept getting worse and I realized that Walsh agreed with the guy and I didn’t know if that was going to hurt the care that Walsh gave the kid.” 

“You said something, didn’t you?” 

“Yes. Of course, I did. I told Walsh off for misgendering the patient and that he needed to stop and focus on making sure he made it to the hospital. Kid was in and out of it, probably had to be so scared and if he could hear them…he didn’t need that on top of everything else.”

Tommy hadn’t realized that it would make it worse. 

“That fired up the dad who started in on people like me. Liberals and the agenda thing and who knows what else he said. Walsh then decided to tell him that I’m gay as if to give him an excuse for my views or something.”

Tommy remembered how he had gone cold. He remembered how his body had frozen in the pilot’s chair and how he’d tried his best to just focus on flying. It wasn’t that he wasn’t out as much as that Walsh had no right to just say it especially to someone that would certainly have a problem with it. Tommy pushed all his feelings aside to do the job. The faster they got to the hospital the better. He spent the first part of the flight trying his best to ignore them and wishing he could shut off the comms.

“It’s like he was trying to find something wrong with me aside from what he already saw as wrong,” Tommy said. “I should never have answered back, but it was getting to me and I snapped.”

“Oh, Tommy,” Evan said and he squeezed Tommy’s hand. 

Tommy had heard so much of it before. Aimed at him and not aimed at him alike. He’d worked with some bigoted guys in the Army and he’d been a firefighter under Gerrard. He’d long learned how to be professional and push it aside and do the job. This guy was just…he reminded Tommy of his own father and it didn’t help that this guy’s kid was severely injured but he was focused on being a bigot instead. Walsh making a point to agree with the father was the thing that drove him over the edge probably. 

“We made it to the hospital,” Tommy said. “I was…I was so angry, Evan. I went around to help Walsh with the patient and the father got in my face almost immediately and started spewing so much hate that I wanted nothing more than to take a punch at him.” 

“You didn’t, did you?” 

“No,” Tommy said. “He didn’t like that I ignored him. Tried to punch me instead when I went to help transfer the patient. He missed, luckily. One of the doctors that came out to meet us grabbed him and pulled him away and even then he tried to come back at me and he was yelling all kinds of things. Walsh was still talking to the other doctors and I just…I just got back on the helicopter and left.” 

Evan burst into laughter. “Sorry…I just, I’m picturing it. You just flew away?” 

Not his finest moment. Not the best reaction to the situation. Tommy didn’t actually regret it. He didn’t know how a flight back with Walsh would have gone, not with Walsh making excuses or trying to explain himself. Lying. 

“What happened next?” Evan asked. 

“Well I didn’t fly back to Harbor,” Tommy said. 

That was his biggest mistake. He’d been so heated and he hadn’t even really known what he was doing. His fuel tank was full and he had enough presence of mind to communicate with air control. Tommy had felt better after flying for a bit and then, he returned back to Harbor. 

“Where did you go?” 

“I just flew around. Took my time getting back. Too long, and I ignored the calls from my Captain. I was so dumb, Evan. 

“What, uh, what happened next?” 

“I flew back, landed where I was supposed to. They were all waiting for me. Walsh. Captain Reid. Chief Alonzo. Before I got out of the helicopter I was so sure I had just lost my job.”

“But you didn’t,” Evan said. 

“I didn’t,” he confirmed. 

It had felt like it, though. He remembered the way that the Chief had looked at him, like he was just one more problem he could do without. If it wasn’t for Captain Reid, Tommy was sure things wouldn’t have gone the way they did…which didn’t mean that Tommy hadn’t found the punishment unfair. 

Walsh had tried to put it all on Tommy, to paint him as unprofessional and biased. Discriminatory. As if Tommy had refused to care for the patient or get him to the hospital as quickly as he could. As if Tommy had been the one misgendering the patient and outing a coworker. As if Tommy had allowed his bigoted views to make an already difficult situation worse. 

“And what happed to that guy?” Evan asked. 

“I think they made him take on some extra cleaning duties. They grounded me. I guess the doctor that saw it all back at the hospital called the Chief and it did clear me a bit, but they didn’t take too well to taking off with department property.” 

Evan chuckled. “Yeah, they never do.” 

Tommy immediately looked at him. “Evan, what—”

“That’s a story for another day,” Evan said. “So that’s why the Chief decided you could be the interim Captain?” 

“Pretty much. Honestly, I think he thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it. Maybe saw it as a bigger punishment. I don’t know.” 

Captain Reid had put in a good word too, he knew. Had pointed out that it would be good if Tommy and Walsh were not working at the same station for a time. 

“How has it been with that guy now?” Evan asked. 

“Walsh? He was moved to another shift so we rarely cross paths.” 

That had been a bit of a revelation to Tommy when he returned to work. Apparently, he hadn’t taken it too well, but Captain Reid had put his foot down. 

“Wow,” Evan said. “I don’t know if I was expecting that.” 

“It doesn’t really put me in a good light,” Tommy said. “I just…flying is so freeing to me. Not being able to do it was difficult, so I get how much you long to go back to your job, but it will feel amazing once you do get back to it and you will. Maddie isn’t wrong about taking all the time that you need. And look…for me it kinda led me to you, so it wasn’t all bad.” 

“And if I say I’m ready now?” Evan asked, turning his face so that he could look directly at Tommy. 

“Then you are,” Tommy said. 

—

Buck would never admit it, but one of the reasons that he’d been so insistent on putting his bed back up in the loft was that it might mean he could get Tommy on the couch for a cuddle and maybe some making out because kissing Tommy was becoming an addiction and Buck wanted it to progress to more than that. Tommy was holding back and Buck knew it was for his sake, he also knew that he couldn’t wait any longer. 

The bed…it created a few problems in that it felt like putting pressure on both of them and so they had been hyper aware whenever they were on it together. It also reminded Buck of the very reason for why it was in his living room in the first place and that was the unsexiest thing in the world. 

He was ready for his life to get back to normal and that meant his couch where it belonged and his bed in his bedroom and it also meant that Buck was also ready to take the next natural step with his boyfriend. Tommy was just making it kinda difficult because he seemed to pull away whenever Buck was even thinking about doing anything past kissing. 

Buck didn’t know if it was because of his leg or if Tommy had it in his mind that Buck wasn’t ready, but he was getting tired of it, and maybe a bit horny about it too. Could anyone blame him, Tommy was way too hot for his own good. 

It was a few days before Buck needed to go in for his recertification and he was more than happy with what the doctors had all said at his last visit. Yes he might still experience some leg cramps and the screws wouldn’t be coming out just yet, but Buck could return to normal activity. For him, normal activity was firefighting. He’d even started going back to his gym and he wasn’t as out of shape as he’d thought. That was of course down to the PT. 

He and Tommy had another date as soon as Tommy got off shift. Buck had no idea what Tommy had planned, seeing as all he’d been told was to wait for Tommy to pick him up. Buck was hoping that whatever the date entailed, it might lead to the two of them getting a bit more physical. 

When Tommy knocked on his door, Buck rushed to open it. 

“You look excited,” Tommy said. 

“And you look really good,” Buck responded

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” Tommy said and stepped into Buck’s space, leaning in to kiss him. 

The door closed behind them and Buck sighed against Tommy, slanting their lips together again and letting the moment linger until Tommy was taking a step back and eyeing him. 

“Are you ready to go?” 

“Yeah. Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” 

“You’ll find out soon enough. Come on.” 

Tommy followed him out the door and took Buck’s hand. Buck had never known how much he loved holding someone’s hand before Tommy and he was reluctant to let him go when they made it to his car. It meant that Tommy reeled him into his arms for a kiss that left Buck wanting to just drag Tommy back up to his apartment. He only just managed to tear himself away. 

“You’re taking me up in a helicopter,” Buck said almost half an hour later as Tommy pulled into Harbor. 

“I did promise,” Tommy said. 

Tommy gave him a small tour of his workplace. Buck got a kick out of noticing the differences even though the 217 did still have their own engine and ladder truck. Still, it was impressive. He even got a quick look at the helicopters inside the hangar and they watched when a call came in and a team of three ran towards one of the helicopters sitting out and ready. Then, Tommy led him out to where the helicopter waited for them. 

The thing about Tommy was that there was little he could do that Buck didn’t find hot. His confidence as he got them ready to fly left Buck at a loss for words and then they were up in the air and it was all due to Tommy. It was almost hard to look away from him and actually take in the view, but Buck forced himself to when Tommy pointed something out for him to see. 

The most amazing thing by far was just how far and wide Buck could see. The day was clear and they were flying below the few clouds that did exist. LA looked different from above and Buck loved it. He loved getting a different perspective to a place that he knew so well. 

“This is amazing,” Buck said. 

“Yeah?” 

Tommy grinned at him. He looked gorgeous in that moment between his smile and the way that the headset sat on his curls. His eyes crinkled and his hands were on the controls. The cyclic, Tommy had called it. 

They went by the beaches, looked down at the crowds of people sunbathing or surfing out on the water. It had been way too long since Buck had gone to the beach. He just had never really found the time and then after the accident the priority was getting back to work. 

Buck had no idea how long they were up in the air, but they returned to Harbor and Buck could barely contain the urge to kiss Tommy. It really was bad how much he wanted him. As soon as they were securely on the ground and Tommy was slipping the headset off, Buck unbuckled himself and then grabbed at Tommy, hands sliding to cradle his face and then he planted his lips on Tommy. Tommy made a noise into the kiss, but he kissed back just as eager until he pushed Buck back. 

“Evan, we can’t just stay in here.” 

“Why not?” Buck asked, going for another kiss. 

“Because I only booked the helicopter for an hour.” 

Buck groaned, but followed Tommy’s lead and opened the door. He got down slowly and wasn’t surprised when Tommy met him. He wrapped an arm around Buck’s shoulders, bringing him into his body. 

“Tell me you’ll take me up there again, one day,” Buck said. 

“I could even fly us somewhere,” Tommy said. “We’ll plan it out. Maybe San Francisco or Vegas. Napa.” 

“Yes,” Buck said at once. “Do you know how good you look in the pilot’s seat?”

“Not as good as you looked sitting next to me,” Tommy said. 

“Only one of us was doing the flying,” Buck pointed out. 

“Hmm, nothing says you can’t learn. I could give you lessons.” 

Buck somehow didn’t think he would learn much of anything if Tommy was involved. He was too distracting and Buck was sure it wasn’t something that would change anytime soon. 

“Did you get us a reservation anywhere?” Buck asked. 

“No. Figured we’d play it by ear.” 

Buck smiled. “Well, then, Mr. Pilot, I think we can order in once we get back to my place. I figure we’ll find something to do there…some other lessons that you might need to give me.” 

“Oh, is that so?” Tommy asked. 

Buck could only nod.