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sastielsfandom · 1 month ago

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Day 11 of Happy Hollandween

Rating: General Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: F/F Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005) Relationship: Castiel/Sam Winchester Characters: Castiel, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester Additional Tags: Attempt at Humor, Domestic Fluff, Blood, Blood Drinking Language: English

Summary:

Dean tricks Sam and Cas into wearing matching costumes and hopes to kick them out of the bunker for the night. Her plan did not go quite as she expected.

#time did get away from me today #but i didn't forget #i've just been very busy #happy-hollandween #sam winchester #castiel #sastiel

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 month ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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alagaisia · 2 months ago

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Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you

Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (��She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.

That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”

Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.

JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.

#mine #Harry potter cw #yeah I don’t want to see or think about this shit either and I’m sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. let’s wipe it #from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and #influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it #but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore #I’ve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who #think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry #maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR #started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was #weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even #passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was #more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out #my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and you’re still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room #and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces #nobody fucking wants this. we did it. we’re done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that it’s not *that* fucking hard to care more #about real life trans people than about antisemitic children’s books.

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james-spooky · 1 month ago

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this is a test

#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th #the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo #g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit #ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco #ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo #e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a #ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha #e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t #care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea #y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss #im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop #e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo #ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas #ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can #use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s #much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a #annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically #now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s #lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like #what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or #smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc #ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other #than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140 #haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai #let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o #what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some #one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james #im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh #w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause #ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:

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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 months ago

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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it

#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn #god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from #but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell #but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at #least become more resistant to it #i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE #and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless #it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19 #but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on #FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick #then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything #it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life #i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself #ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt #available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival #and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches #the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair #and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true #and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears #i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30 #it was all so sudden and quick and shocking #yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit #and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant #over this bullshit #it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies #everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS #it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm #it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.

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lightasthesun · 7 months ago

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just wanted to thank everyone that's been encouraging me or offering some kind of support the last few times I talked about getting a cane... because I went and got one today and I didn't think it would make that much of a difference. I underestimated how much it would change for me.

So thank you <33

#got a prescription from my GP last week and gathered my nerves together to get one today #thankfully we have a health care supply store only ten minutes away on foot #I'd planend on getting an anatomical one as prescribed by my GP and it was comfortable and id probably have chosen it too but #then the lady there told me to try the derby handle instead and honestly that was even better plus i can use it on both sides #its sleek and black for now because i can barely bear the thought of anyone seeing me using a cane in our small town in the first place #but once im comfortable..#anyway we went to a shop across the street afterwards because my besties mum needed to get some things and I didn't wanna go home by myself #and tbh i preferred the thought of going into our small city centre with somebody i trusted and felt comfortable around the first time aroun #long story short im super suprised by the difference it's making 😬 i mean ofc i didn't just get the cane on a fluke #but it was like 'well let's try it out it may help and people keep saying it's for stability and chronic pain too so why not'#yeah so apparently i did need it #i felt so much better #there were several instances where i noticed the cane kept me from stumbling or swaying or missing a step #it felt good #so thank you all

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disposal-blueeee · 1 year ago

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VARGASTOBER - day 5 : devi d .

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kicksnscribs · 4 months ago

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Floor Time ™️

#floor time #drawpile 2024 #'sona posting #did you know i got attacked by a pissy bird today?#i was just trying to go get the mail and i saw a baby bird in the wheel well of a car and stopped to admire them #and all of a sudden i hear the WEIRDEST sound from above my head #lo and behold mama (or papa??) was gunning for my backside #so i backed away and continued my quest to the mailbox #and then a lizard fell from a tree and nearly landed on me #productive day all in all

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months ago

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...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

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bunnihearted · 6 months ago

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umm

#i havent had this bad anxiety in like 10 years wth #i have a dentist appt. and it's only a checkup thingy there will be no treatment done #it should be short and quick but im so anxious #im also anxious bc there's almost aways issues w financial aid and stuff 🙃#and a checkup is almost $100 which is 1/3 of my monthly budget 💀#so that's the main part that worries me. plus everyone in a dentist's office are so rude </3 #i've tried asking her several times but she is so unclear... i hope i can get like an invoice/bill thing #but yeah everyone are so rude about it and it's just a whole ordeal #so im so anxious for this appt omg #im like shaking a little and my breath feels caught in my chest lol #i dont wanna go but if i dont go now i'll have to pay a fee which is also expensive so like #i have to go but i dont wanna i just wanna cryyyyyy #update: no i did not get an invoice #she was really rude too T-T acting like i was gonna run away and not pay #so yehh... $140 gone from my accountttt i did not think it would cost that much #so .. ummmm #i hope my financial aid worker will reply soon #and i mean omg i hope they will grant me financial aid #otherwise.... i wish i had neven gone wtffff #everyone told me it'd work and this was ok but like ???#i just hope she replies today or tmrw so i can know #if i have to have given up that mych money then #i wont be able to buy buss tickets to the animal park i wanna go to #or buy those clothes i was gnna buy #or have food the entire month lmao #but i just wanna know what im dealing w i hate not knowing

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welcometogrouchland · 8 months ago

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Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again

#ramblings of a lunatic #taking a step back to acknowledge that my stanning may be getting overzealous #but then again I'm not in ppls quotes or replies I'm vagueing on an entirely different website with no relevant tags. it could be worse #anyway I know tims had it rough these past couple of months ever since zdarsky shifted focus of the batman title to have less tim #but it still feels. idk. just a wee bit uninspired to act like steph can't go two steps without tim being behind her #im ngl i like timsteph when they're cute but timsteph twitter has been. pissing me off a tad lately #the refusal to acknowledge the sexism in dixons robin run and how it impacts stephs writing and their relationships writing #the refusal to acknowledge tims occasional condescension and hypocrisy when it comes to stephs vigilantism #seemingly only wanting her to be spoiler when he wants her around and telling her to give it up most of the time #also the constant disrespect of stephs batgirl era on there weirdly enough?#I've harped on about this on main and in drafts but despite it's flaws it's a good turn for stephs character #she's the focus she gets development (an upward trajectory! which had previously been unheard of for her! bc she did have flaws as spoiler-#-its just that both writers and characters alike seemed to arbitrarily decide she didn't have the capacity to grow past them! but she did!)#hell i saw a BIZARRE take today i just have to bitch about #which was them saying that Batgirl was a ''heteronormative mask'' steph put on #with spoiler being her more authentic self (and this being paralleled to gender expression with stephs isolation from the batfam as spoiler-#-showing how she ''wasnt like them'')#which. I'm not denying you the view that spoiler has a certain genderific swag to her but the needless dragging of her batgirl persona #steph got treated badly as spoiler bc she was A Girl. it's genuinely that simple dixon felt batman and robin would never stand for a girl-#-running around doing the things they did and would need to chivalrously stop her. he's gone on record saying this #she's constantly getting belittled by mostly men (cass also dismisses her but it feels distinctly less gendered)#and in the end it's barbara who learns to give steph a second chance despite her mistakes and they have a positive relationship #something ppl are quick to dismiss as being in and of itself sexist bc they're pairing the two girls off together #as if batgirl isn't a legacy and as if babs and steph don't have parallels in their resilience and refusal to accept when ppl tell them no #for better and for worse!!#like. idk how you took the strongest feminist element in that comic (bc there are elements of sexism here and there! 2009 n all)#and somehow turn it into ''heteronormativity'' YOU PPL ARE JUST SAYING WORDS AT THIS POINT!!!#anyway. someone take away my internet access

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disdaidal · 1 year ago

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So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

#personal #last week i cried twice after a workday #and my nurse also mentioned today that i still have a learning disability which will definitely make things harder for me #but also that there's nothing that can be done about it so... great #so i mentioned this to my teacher and she wrote it down but #basically there are only two choices for me now #either i pass this training somehow and plan my displays at my current workplace so well that i never have to do this again #or i will only complete my training for this period and then find another workplace and do my displays there #i can't postpone them much later apparently or so i understood. so they are not giving a lot of choices there really #and we did talk about me considering another school as well #where i can spend more time in the classroom actually learning things and less time working and trying to study at the same time #because this clearly isn't working for me. i can't do two things at the same time. not well at least. and i want to do well #but i tried applying for that kind of school in this field last summer. i didn't get in & i was 8th in line #i would've gotten in working with kids instead. but that school was further away and i probably would've found it even more stressful #than what i'm doing now #so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly #like i like what i'm doing but i also really hate what i'm doing because this also requires stuff from me that i am simply not good at #and i'd have to put extra energy into it but i don't have much energy in me right now tbh #ugh

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princessmyriad · 16 days ago

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#personal #it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog #or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on #that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares #to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems #but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago #and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that #thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna #which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be #the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat #im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better #ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything #my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill #i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone #when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite #i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about #is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for #hours. a whole days worth of hours almost #my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room #in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now #all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help #the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again #lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time #like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of #would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles #24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave #or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people #but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able #to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave #anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time

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prozach27 · 3 months ago

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#ok I’m so proud of myself bc this involves finance which is something I avoid at all costs but like I did it!!#my work failed to process my check which I should have received yesterday. I’m now expected to get it next week #and part of growing up poor is like. idk. this learned helplessness or defeatist attitude with money problems #like ohh it’s my bad I should’ve had more savings to cover waiting an extra week or longer for my monthly check #and historically I just shut down and panic while doing nothing bc this is my biggest possible stressor to come across #but!!! being around rich people? I’ve learned they negotiate!! and demand to not be inconvenienced!!#my work was like ehh I’m sorry too bad so sad about your check and I was like actually no #I explained how this impacts my ability to pay rent. my credit score. how they didn’t inform me in time to stop bill autopay #and asked what their detailed plan is to fix this #and within an hour admin was scrambling. four different people emailed me apologizing for the mix up #and they worked it out with finance to get me a $2000 loan to get me by until the check hits #but I was like actually no. I won’t be paying interest on this because I shouldn’t be penalized for your error #and so they GOT RID OF INTEREST #0% interest cash advance essentially that covers all my bills #I picked up the physical check for the 2k today so it’s legit thank god #I thanked everyone involved and remained extremely polite #and they said if there’s any other questions you have please let us know #so I was like actually you know what lmao #I explained that I’ve incurred fees for overdrafts and returned items due to bill autopay that I couldn’t cancel due to them informing me #basically the day of my check being late #and so I specifically said I’ve incurred $270 in fees at this point as a result of your error and I shouldn’t be expected to pay this.#and!! they just said… okay!!! I just got an email that they’ve processed a secondary check for $270!!#so like?!?! what?!?! is this what life is like when you don’t shy away from discussing money?!#im genuinely shocked. this is a life lesson. I never would have imagined this outcome #thank god I decided to not take it lying down

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selfishpresley · 1 month ago

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had to put on my witch glasses and translate an egg cleaning for a friend

like a doctor, i had to prescribe two more limpias (egg cleanses) after this one and writing down a letter with all of the emotions for the other person and everything

#like this girl was worrying me #she was obsessed #but i'm of the culture where we put a lot of credence in things like this #like negative energy and the like #i have an evil eye bracelet that i have not taken off for a year #and funny thing is #we were talking about guys and stuff #and i was talking about checo because he has a canonically large cock #and she was asking about him and i started getting possesive #like umm get away from him?#i might have some negative energy within me #or i might be the negative energy because I did threaten to start acting like my father at least three times today

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raspberrybluejeans · 2 months ago

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I think phones might be evil actually

#my data is that yesterday #from the start of me waking up #i did not use my phone #i went right to working on school thing #and i felt pretty normal and focused #today i went out for breakfast with dad first #so i was using my phone in the morning #and now today i cannot settle down and focus #i am trying to use the same system as yesterday but its just not working as well #ive noticed this in the past too #if i want to get work done i just have to fully ban myself from using my phone from the start of the day. not even a little bit.#I did put my phone away when I got home #but I cannot stop feeling antsy and fucking around and wasting time #Now I'm pondering if there's some way for me to minimize my phone usage in my life but idk man I use that thing for so much!!!!!!!#please pray for my brain to get its shit together so I can just write one single more god damn page for this assignment.#and then i will be done.#ograt

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