#time again and again until I die
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starting to realise that damn maybe there really is just something fundamentally wrong with me
I have more dumb shit to say about it but you can only have 30 tags?? that's some fucking bullshit. anyway tl;dr: fictional characters not real, I'm depressed about it, I'm a mess my life's a mess everything sucks, I'm crying, life sucks. I've got issues.
#I don't want to be dead#I want to be alive but. not here. there's nothing that could happen in my actual life that would make it good enough to be worth it#I feel so fucking pathetic and gross and broken but the only people I want to be with are fictional#I can't even do the fandom thing and make friends that way. I don't want to talk about them. I want to be with them and nothing else#I'm just. stuck here and I'll never be happy and there will never be anything that I want as much as that#it's so. fucking. pathetic#but like what is there in real life. what could happen that would be good enough. I'll finish uni one way or the other. I'll get a job.#maybe we'll be able to have our own house someday#and then? what then?#it'll happen over and over again. I'll fall in love with these fictional worlds and these fictional people and it'll break my heart every#time again and again until I die#there's nothing else. there's nothing that I want. nothing in real life will ever feel that good because. obviously it won't. it's real.#it's not perfect it's not made up by me specifically to be everything I want#I can't rewrite the same scenario over and over again in my mind until he says exactly the right thing to make me feel better#I'll never have these perfect friends or this perfect guy or this exciting but safe life because it's. just. not real#I just#I don't know how I can keep doing this#I'm so tired#I can't keep feeling like this#it feels so fucking bad#how goddamn embarrassing is it to be an adult in your 30s and just. lie in bed sobbing until you fall asleep because your fucking fictional#crush isn't real and your fictional friends aren't real and you'll never know what happiness feels like#because it can't even get close to the fucking joy you feel when you think about them. it's everything#it feels so fucking good just for a moment and you need it over and over again but you know you can never have it#I'm driving myself insane#genuinely insane.#to the point where every time it gets worse. every time I get these feelings I feel higher and lower than ever before#it feels better and more intense and more amazing. then I realise I still have to be here. I still can't go away. and it feels like dying.#every time a part of me dies.#it's so fucking silly. I know how melodramatic this all is. oh wahh life is so boring and I'm sooo sad over these fictional people I'm gonn
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cat+laila<3
#my first time drawing them!!! their design will probably change until i’m content! and then again if they’re described more in tsc2! lol#i’d die 4 cat tbh. alt cat save me….#i will be drawing laila w boba soon i prom🫶#one day i’ll draw actual canon exy gear but for now ur getting lacrosse#my art#my aftg art#the sunshine court#tsc#tsc spoilers#all for the game#laila dermott#catalina alvarez#exy#wlw#fanart#aftg fanart#deklo#nora sakavic#lailarez
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and they were galpals
#oh i am SO predictable#alternative captiob to this post: welll... good luck babes!#but idk if the dndadders like chappel roan☹️#also lawl this is gonna sound SO stupid but as a lesbian this is. so INSANELY important to me😭#i will write so much fanfiction#for the firsy time in my life#i will write an essay anf publish it when s3 ends#if theyre not canon i will cry myself to sleep until the day i die#dndads#dungeons and daddies#apple pie#IDK I SAW SOMEONE PITCH THAT AD THEIR SHIP NAME AND A PART OF ME MELTED#Kelsey Grammar#is it with an e or an a?? nobody knows#Trudy Trout#someone notify my asap whrn we collectively agree on a ship name#the peachyville horror#peachyville#love them so so so much#god dammit they did it again#hey siri play heaven is a place on earth and do it NOW#me and my girl when we're literally trudy and kelsey
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The promise you kept.
Extra panel: (liked this version too.)
moving on to sakumo.
Panel 1: Handprint (an older drawing to share)
Panel 2: Punishment.
what if they went for kakashi to hurt sakumo instead.
decided to dump the rest of the drawings together, but the tone shift whiplash is real (I shall do it again)
Comic 2: Bias? Not at all.
extra:
He’s just in a silly mood (he feels no remorse)
Comic 3: Did you say something?
fun idea, kakashi actually picked up his behavior from his father (sakumo version is staring people down, while kakashi is verbal)
#naruto#naruto fanart#kakashi hatake#rin nohara#sakumo hatake#fanart#art#my art#sketch#drawing#digital art#drawing expressions that are shock or haunted is fun#so making rin go through angst so she’s not left out:D#so the faulty seal going haywire once again#rin watches kakashi die from an enemy but her mind attempts to block it out#the isobu is not thrill#now moving on#SAKUMO#!!!! YEAHH#it’s all fun and games until I remember to give him the same treatment I give to his son#filling him with trauma or making silly posts#I think this is my most messy post which is fun#also darker backgrounds because I’ve been straining my eyes a tad too much (I say for the 3977554 times)#experimental posts yippeee (my eyes oh no) the white screen has finally taken its toll#maybe I’ll change it later but rn my eyes aren’t it#or rn as we speak
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I don't understand the "starkid only does hatchetfield musicals 😡" train. Because if i were lang brothers???
i would also make multiple musicals and readings of the different aus involving my OCs, like Oh you liked the coffee shop au?? haha just wait till you see the catboy au
#starkid#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#lang brothers#matt lang#nick lang#team starkid#ocs#me and my buddy with our npmd au for our ocs we have been knawing at like rabid hounds on a bone#hey melissa#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#the guy who didn't like musicals#Also never hearing any hatchfield slander ever again because I have been a starkid fan since 2009#and My favorite musical has been the same for 12 years until october#and i've watched it 22 times
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day 2 - ALIEN STAGE
#yttd#your turn to die#kimi ga shine#alnst#yttd spoilers#alice yabusame#reko yabusame#blood tw#blood cw#not yoinara art#alice yabusame art marathon 2024#I MISSED THE DEADLINE AGAIN😭😭😭 happy 6am#surely i will get back on track#this one wasn't my fault this time okay#this was supposed to represent reko's route (+ bongos scene) but i forgot about it until just now😭#pretend they're not in different outfits okay. yay
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sujimon, subzero sonata, redraws, etc!
#fanart#like a dragon#yakuza#yakuza spoilers#<- again not really but still#ALSO SPOILERS IN TAGS ->#apparently it's not normal to take 90398401 tries to beat the jima bros but i am simply built different#(goes in almost 20 levels too low with no group heal and refuses to grind until i die one million times)#and now so much plot is occurring AND [REDACTED] APPEARED FOR SOME REASON? HELLO??? I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT YOU!!!!!#ALL THE REMIXES ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD GOODNESS GRACSIOUS#Y7 AND ICHIBAN ARE. EVERYTHING (PLANET EXPLOSION NOISE)#also why is saejima's face the hardest thing to draw ever i can't get it right at all.... doesn't help that everyone got smoothed
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HE'S CHECKING OUT GARY!!!! I REPEAT, HE'S CHECKING OUT GARY!!!!
#i havent posted anything on this site for years and i talk for these bitches..... as it should be#hes doing the marceline sexy smoldering eyes too i cant take this#i havent seen anyone talk about this and i am LOSING it over this detail i need everyone and their mother to know this#i already commented about this on youtube and someone was already doubting like 'i thought hes looking at the lemoncarbs'#AND I WILL SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. U CAN SEE HIS EYES GO DOWN (TO WHERE GARY'S ASSETS ARE) THEN UP TO MEET HIS EYES WHEN HE LOOKS BACK#the lemoncarbs are clearly to the left where gary is staring at in horror.....keep up people.#he doesnt look at the lemoncarbs once until they started insulting gary's cute lil baking with the 'i hate their little faces' line#and then u can see his eyes move from left (to where lemoncarbs are) to right to look at gary again.#THERE. CASE OVER#I BETTER NOT SEE ANYONE INVALIDATE THEIR OBVIOUS FUCKING FLIRTING OR I WILL#cry. theyre very important to me. i love bubbline/gumlee so much i will die for them#its also funny that hes doing that NOW when our boy is clearly stressed tf out#its giving 'hate to see you leave love to see you go' energy lmaooo#gumlee#adventure time#fionna and cake#adventure time fionna and cake#gary prince#marshall lee
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May I offer you a hastily drawn picture to wish you a good get-through-the-week? :3
HELLO ??????? HELLO hot gluing this to my eyes IMMEDIATELY thank you so much i feel myself becoming stronger already
#fave#'snap i thought you were sleeping' i am not immune to notifications AND I AM REWARDED GREATLY#snap chats#that parks and rec meme You Know The One i havent stopped staring at this for the past five hours <- its been twenty minutes#PLEAAASSE this is so cute omg thank you so much .... ill cherish this until i die and even then ill continue to cherish it in death#PRECISELY the vision i had earlier you get it ......... im OBSESSED#will have to save this to my phone and refer to it like a sailor lost at sea missing his wife#BOTH wives even .... woAh ......#i dont wanna post this cause i just wanna keep lookign at it whenever i open my inbox. like i need this stapled In My Inbox#we'll do the next best thing il'l print it once i can ....... motivation to not fumble these next few weeks and life tbh#AAA THANK YOU AGAIN MY FRIEND for ALL you do. i STILL have to check the drive you updated i saw that vjLEKJEAJ#a morning endeavor surely ..... for now i bid you good night and a heart Thank You for the nineteenth time !!!!!!!!!#I JUST KEEP SCROLLING BACK UP TO LOOK AT IT PLEAAAASSSEEE ok im gonna sleep FOR REAL NOW#GOOD NIGHT and thank you once more !!!!!! i love it sm .......
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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Saw this on tt and wanted to share it Via TikTok
#seeing posts about how young kim actually is messes with me#idk what everyone else ages are meant to be but i always considered everyone else to be like late 20s/early30s but kim 22 and chay 18/17#like what is the age difference between kim/kinn/tankhun#i thought porsche was also like 27/28ish (10 years older than chay)#i was younger than kim when i first watched kp and now im older than him 😭 thats fucked up#anyway#kim with chubby cheeks/baby fat 😌#some mafia guys getting beat up by some random kid and they dont realise it is Kim theerpaanyakul until right before they die#cause no one really knows what kim looks likes and they arent expecting someone who looks like that#this really adds to the porsche seeing kim and adopting him agenda#kim moves out at like age 16 and kinn/tankhun see him for the first time again in like 6 years and theyre like#'your still just a baby?! i thought we missed your cute phase😭🥺'#kim theerapanyakul#jeff satur#kpts
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Jennifer nearly jumped into the water / and she was tired like no one's ever been tired
#myart#wesley crusher#jennifer is on her way home. then she remembers her life is like a nightmare!!!!#geniunelyyyy thinking about the post-first duty years of wesleys life is so miserable.#he killed his best friend and ruined his friendship with everyone else and lost picards respect (the only thing he ever cared about)#and then you just. dont hear about him at all for 2 years.#trying to capture the extremely specific existential dread of knowing something is deeply wrong in your life but not being able to change.#JUST THE LOOK OF A YOUNG MAN WHOS PROFOUNDLY UNHAPPY AND DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHY!!!#the quote from that novel. where he says “jaxa knew better than the rest of us the only way to escape this thing was to die”. ITS SICK!!#like leaving starfleet was not even on his radar until journeys end. he didnt even consider that as an option. so what could he do.#man. theres a reason for the prominently placed golden gate bridge. jennifer nearly jumped into the water.... cuz she got no way to get out#the photos in the bg are him and picard. jack. two of joshie (the ski tripppppp) him and bev and the entire nova squadron up top#do i think he would have his room this nicely decorated while horribly depressed NO!!! it was just for the compostion of the piece#like trying so hard to keep up appearances. being surrounded by pictures of all the people who love him and still not able to get out.#some of the papers lying around the desk are like. intended to be letters to bev that he just gave up on writing.#OKAY sorry i just wanted to finish this before i leave tomorrow. i spent such a stupid amount of time on this. never again#you people should always talk to me forever about my friend wesley . im soooo normal. lies facedown on floor#OH AND THE VERY SPECIFIC. EMOTION. LYING ON BED IN FULL UNIFORM. WE'VE ALLLL BEEN THERE.
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#can i yap for a moment#im extremely sleepy but im feeling very upset and mad and confused#also lowkey questioning whether me feeling all that is justified or if i am overreacting#anyway#made out w a boy tonight#and he wanted to go to his place#and i was like no i wanna stay and dance with my girlies#and he gets upset??#asking why i'd kiss him if i don't wanna hook up and i said i just wanna have fun?#made me feel so stupid#that anger in me led to a little fight with another boy (who was unfortunately very cute) and i just wanted to punch him#i just hate when boys think they're so superior#so i argued with this stupid but hot man#until an ex? friend shows up and he was pretty drunk just yapping about things#anyway he basically told me he'd like to rekindle our friendship#but not in a heyy haven't talked in so long let's meet up again#it was in a heyy let's hang out again got a new big car and moved out of my parent's house 😋#which gave me the ick bc that's why we aren't friends anymore and i told him no multiple times#and got sad bc he was one of my closest friends#anyway and then we left the party#this guy pulls me aside the parking lot#and i was so embarrassed bc there were so many people and they were all looking and i could already see people gossiping about it#and i just wanted to die#and then he just CONFESSES??#gives me flowers and all which is saur saur cute#but i legit have zero feelings for him </3#and have commitment issues and have never been in a relationship and don't wanna be in one#actually grosses me out thinking about relationships </3#the confession was so random and i kinda lost another friendship? even tho i wouldn't rlly consider him a friend we just share sum classes#but yeah boys are so stupid and confusing and i dunno how and why i get myself into these situations :') m sorry just needed to rant </3
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Day 50
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#i deadass almost forgot abt it twice on day 50 im used to llooking in the same spot but it wasnt there anymore because it MOVED#i was genuinely stunned and was just saying 'oh.' or 'wow.' or the variants of out of words to describe what im feeling#that and the occasional yelp of surprise#so i deadass forgot about the train in the flurry of emotions . until i heard it SCREAMIMG and i had also yelled at that moment#i had put my head in my hands for a solid few seconds as i jusr kept hearing that fuckass train in c comand 1 go COOOCHGOHDHOGIHAB#before i actually functioned again and probably over shielded all agents i could near the possible path#i didnt qant ANY of them to die !!! on day 50 too!!! come on man its basically a free day#other thing was that i let Ryn have the last work. was going to be vincent with mosb but we were a few enerfy short#uhmm. say it as a sorry for letting your wife (girlfriend) die ryn. sorry ryn .... you get to have the final fuck ass abno work of the day#x lobcorp#its mostly my thoughts than trhing to be in chafacter. tis not in character. i just needed a pad for some comedic timing#/<QUEUE>/
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i’m sooooooo normal about the god of war series. so incredibly normal i liked it a normal amount and would be so chill talking about it. don’t worry about the sign
#god of war#i’m so so so so so normal about it it’s so whatever it’s so haha you know#something something when it comes to yourself you’ll let yourself drown before you change. you’ll die before you change who you’ve become#to survive this long#up to and until it affects the ones you’ve come to love in this life you’ve made for yourself and you suddenly have no choice but to change#it’s fine it’s ok it’s chill. everyone does this.#it’s becoming a parent and loving your child so much you HAVE to change. you HAVE to be better#we MUST be better. than they were.#who’s they. our parents. the gods that come before us. yes.#i’m screaming i’m crying i’m wasting away im disintegrating. there’s no coming back there no return#you are on your knees. you are gripping your son’s shoulders like they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.#you are struggling with who you are and who you want to become. you are promising to be better.#i’m so normal about parent(al figures) taking responsibility for their actions and choosing to do better#i’m not high enough to really express what’s going on here. can you feel it? can you fucking feel it?#this series has destroyed me.#dad of boy. dad(s) of boy. i will never be the same (affectionate)#can’t remember the last time i finished a series and went ‘oh well i’ve GOT to play it again Now That I Know’#AND I HAVENT EVEN TALKED ABOUT THE BROTHER HULDRA!!!!!!!!!#sindri’s face. has not left my memory#i’m dying scoob#gow#gowr
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I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!!! SO MUCH!! ACTUALLY!!!!!!
new friends and old, online and irl i love them so much and i love having friends
#i am ovulating again can you tell#i mean i love them all the time but only when i’m ovulating am i bold enough to say it on a platform that i know some of them are on#yes i mean you.#and you.#and you also#no but for once in my life i feel like i have friends who actually like me and enjoy my company and aren’t just tolerating me#i feel wanted in a way i didn’t really for years and years and it’s fucking awesome#i will say it until the day i die: i love my friends#and more people should say it
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