#till: i’m not gay i just really hate that guy’s guts

[ivanttakethis]

Till is better than me because I would’ve leaned in for a kiss 😶

[qprpbj]

for the artist!pony artist!paul bonding enjoyers 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

i think pony’s like 9/10ish when he meets paul and naturally thinks he’s the most annoying fucking loser ass so on the entire planet bc this bitch is the guy stealing his big brother away from family nights more and more often and he really doesn’t wanna face that his big brother is growing up and doesn’t wanna spend time with him anymore. so naturally. hates this soc dudes guts and hates his stupid gay ass sweaters and his pristine ironed pants and..

and wait he draws on his shoes. paul straight up doodles all over his nice new shiny white converse. just like ponyboy does on his old handmedowns.

……so okay fine maybe he’s not so bad after all. paul keeps his drawings more or less under wraps besides the shoes he wears sometimes bc they look pretty fuckin sick. in fact all of paul’s drawings are pretty fuckin sick because ponyboy, this nosy ass 11 year old who can’t stand that his big brother has a life outside of him (begs mom to force darry to bring him out to go on their outings (unbeknownst to him and mom he’s crashing their dates like at least once a week but it’s fineeeee it’s so fine)), snoops in paul’s car under his seat n finds the sketchbook he uses and very purposely hides from darrel bc his fuckin comic book drawings and doodles and shit are beyond geeky and embarrassing and yet……and yet. suddenly pony thinks he’s the coolest person ever. even though he’s a soc. bc he writes comic stories (..he writes stories!!! just like ponyboy!!!!!) and draws page after page of nerdy doodles and he’s really not as scary as pony once thought he was. hence the bridging the divide between greasers and socs..see it’s all coming together

anyway. for pony’s birthday and christmasses till they break up paul buys pony lil art supplies and sketchbooks and pencils and oil pastels and shit. they’re fr some of pony’s most cherished things everrrr and he gets so nervy to use his supplies bc he doesn’t wanna waste them on bad art. paul draws pony lil doodles and superheroes and pictures of him and cartoon animals and comic thumbnails and shit for him to put up on his wall. which he does and he looks at them alllllll the time till darry and paul break up and suddenly darry can’t stand that pony has paul’s art up on his walls anymore so he rips them all down and takes them away from pony bc he’s an angsty heartbroken 18 year old. what else would he do.

anyway here is pony’s art style (mostly in ballpoint pen, nothings ever finished, lots of lil portraits and colours and details)

and paul’s (comicy, cartoony, lots of inks, pretty polished) in MY opinion. thank you pinterest

i fear i probably have more to add that i’m forgetting here but whatever this is my lore for them so far god bless 🙂‍↕️

[life-rewritten]

GIANTS OF BL 2021 AKA SHOWS LINED UP FOR GMMTV THAT WE WON’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT!

Is there a way I can get over the addiction of BLS? Apparently not because GMMTV came and slapped me across the face for ever thinking I could. Like what even was that conference? I came in like yeah I've heard the rumours. 6 BLs! LOL, you're kidding, like nothing I'd want would even happen. But I still made a list of everything I wanted from them and held that checklist in my mind and boy was I shocked! I ended up just on the floor, brain exploded, mind shut down and can you believe I was crying? Like why on earth was I crying for GMMTV BLs? Crazy right? I am absolutely left floored, I'm going to be crying as I write this by the way just so you know, I've got my heart full ready to burst, talking about the change we've seen in BLs this year, the journey, the growth; there's still some work to do, but GMMTV said they were also part of that, they were going to change and make us stay, wanting more. They did that in a 3-hour conference. My brain is ready, my mind is prepared, my heart is available for all these shows, and I can't wait to see what 2021 unfolds. Let's begin screaming:

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

THE NICE SURPRISES

BAKERY BOYS

Genre/Themes: Thriller, Bromance, Mystery, Psychological, Drama, Friendship, BL? (The manga is), Baking

Verdict: You know I love Antique when immediately I see that Foie's hands shaking as he has to be one of the waiters in the cafe, reminds me back to another favourite bodyguard of mine doing so. I was in shock; One because Antique was one of my first Korean 'BL' movies I saw, with all my favourite actors, an unusual and intriguing plotline and I ate it up; all of it. I didn't like how censored it was and the weird open ending for the relationship in the show. But I couldn't care less, something about it made me happy. I just loved the characters I think, and I enjoyed seeing our 4 bakers become friends and find a weird found family with each other. Add in a mystery to why Joon’s character wanted to kill himself and hated cakes? And I was sold. Now GMMTV is making a remake for it, and SINGTO is playing my favourite gay baker. Like I am so happy with this. Do I expect this to blow my mind? No. Do I expect more BL? A little? I'm not sure like GMMTV could make Antique a BL if they want to, Korea hinted to it, Japan ignored it in anime and others, but Thailand could change that. I'm not holding hopes for it, but I love this cast just as much as I love the Korean Cast like Lee Thanawat is perfect for this role, Singto is greater (I just love him so much) and we even have Pleum and Foei?? Are you kidding me? Greatness. It's going to be fun to see what they do with the mystery—something I greatly liked in the movie. Let's hope it's more fleshed out in the tv show. So excited!

Ratings: 3.5/5 I mean it's not really a BL so it'll feel queer baity for me and I may end up being annoyed it, but I really do have fond memories of the Korean movie, so I want to be excited, and the cast is everything so we'll see.

FISH UPON THE SKY

Genre: Unrequited Love, Comedy, Romance, Rivalry, Haters to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

DID SOMEONE SAY JITTIRAIN: THEORY OF LOVE? 2GETHER??? Sorry for screaming but like what else am I meant to do. Theory of love is my ultimate BL show, one of it anyway, one of the reasons will be discussed even more later with another show, but this is not about them. Also, 2gether is like one of the biggest BLs ever right now. Jittirain is genius, she has this ability to make you feel for her characters, root for their love stories whilst throwing plot twists everywhere. I also like that she always has a focus; theory of love, we had film theory, 2gether we had music, and now we have Fish Upon the Sky, and we have?

 Medicine? Love rivalry? Honestly, I don't know, the title even makes me feel even weird; what the hell does Fish upon a sky mean? But who cares it's a Jittirain classic, comedy, pain, longiiiing, and unrequited love, and scheming to get unrequited loves requited, more side couples and secretive characters. This time we have PHUWIN (had to emphasise that because he's impressive people stop sleeping on him!), one of my favourite youngins, showing up and becoming our main Pi and we have Pond a newbie, who has charisma for days, and he plays Mork, and they are love rivals. Wait what? A love story between two people who fall for each other after chasing after one guy? I'm ready for this, the haters to lovers, the pain of unrequited longing, but hold on it seems like a plot twist! Seems like we have another oblivious protagonist on our hand aside from Tine in 2gether, Pi can't even see that Mork isn't chasing after the same person as him, but for he's chasing after him! Sarawat scheming activated! I'm expecting giggles, chemistry and a great story. And it's going to be great because it's Jittirain. 

Ratings: 4.5/5 It's not anything new but do I need to repeat my self? Theory of love pining and longing and emotions mixed with 2gether's secrecy, scheming and obliviousness? It's going to be great. The cast is also excellent, I have total faith in this show, better be a good director though (oh no nightmares from the last half of 2gether has returned). 

FINDING ENCHANTE

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Harem, Mystery, 

Verdicts: 

Enchante that means nice to meet you aww. Wow, now I know French. Yay now where do I sign up to be like Theo and have 5 men chasing after me? Actually, that sounds like a nightmare, and I don't have time for that. He does apparently. Guess what guys! I knew I had a feeling in my gut when I watched this drama, I felt the memories, the intuition, the clues, hitting my brain, and I realised why. This show is also written by My gear and your gown's writer. YES! You mean more mystery and subtext filled storytelling, a show where I can analyse the character dynamics, and find clues to piecing the story together??? Perfection. As much as My gear and your gown wasn't everything to me, it was everything to me when I analysed it, I have fun with this writer's works when directed properly her works have great potential to be one of the best. I love GMMTV giving new actors the time to shine, and choosing stories that make my mind start working again. Thank you. 

With this show we're having a love Simon flashbacks with our Simon being sent secret messages through a book by Enchante, he's sweet, caring and totally all about making our lead comfortable. Who could he be?

 The best friend who's totally pining from afar and playing off his feelings like its nothing?  My gut is already saying that Tine definitely wants it to be him (so again requited but they don't know trope? you've got me!)

Is it the playboy guitar extraordinaire played by GAWIN you heard me right GAWIN my Mork in Dark Blue Kiss!! Like what? Where've you been boy? He looks so great in this, by the way, he's a tease, likes to play our lead's feelings, and has chemistry because they're haters to lovers.  

Or is it FLUKE PUSIT?? What even is this cast how is it both my favourite actors are here? Anyways Fluke is an artist, he wants our lead to let him in so he can draw him, our lead is his muse apparently, and again chemistry that makes your head hurt because like who is this damn Enchante?? Who will Theo choose? 

Anyways we then have two people who I don't know that well sorry, Boom is the football captain that likes our lead and is always protecting him, and the other is a genius/nerd? Who helps Theo with his studies? Like wow, it must be great to be Theo, guys from different lifestyles and aesthetics have found him, they want him, they need him and one of them he wants and needs. I wonder who it is. 

Ps people already thinking it's the best friend, not me, I think bestie is obviously endgame Tine is definitely also secretly wanting him to be with that pining and longing (I'm sure it's why he wants to find enchante desperately). I can't wait to see why these two refuse to let each other know how it feels. All I beg for is, please don't let New direct this. Guess what it's produced by X (Theory of Love! Hold on while I cry again) and Film! (Also theory of love!) Oh, this is going to be brilliant!

Ratings: 4.5/5 This drama is probably going to be the most underrated because people have other things to care about I don't blame you, but I think for me, this would be a same favourite way I loved MGYG and I'm ready for new faces, Gawin and Fluke and a requited but they don't know it angsty love story plus I know the directing is going to be amazing!. Ps, I actually hate harems, but the excitement is in figuring out who on earth is Enchante and why this is happening! 

THE BIG BOYS

GMMTV decided to not let me rest next year. How is it that I already felt happy by seeing Phuwin, Gawin, Fluke etc... I was content you know, I was like great we have a great line up I'm excited now I don't think there's anything else I secretly want that will happen. I'm being a clown, BUT NO. EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR: EVERYONE I WANTED TO SEE, EVERY TROPE I WANTED, THE DIRECTOR, THE PLOTS, EVERYTHING WAS MANIFESTED BY THESE THREE TRAILERS. That's why I ended up crying.  Because even till this day I can't believe this is real. I don't know when I'll finally think they will be real in 2021. Crying again!

NOT ME 

Genre: Gang, Mafia, Crime, Romance, Drama, Stolen Identity, Twins, Angst

Not me? Not you? Not us? See how my mind scrambles when it comes to this show. Because I was determined to not be a clown and believe in this even when I saw OFF GUN hold onto each other on the motorbike I was like HA, nope they're just guest stars, when I saw them as gang members I was like HA; interesting probably not BL. When I saw two Guns, I was like HA, nice Gifted character flashback but still not BL. I won't fall for it,  this is a BAIT! You get me? BAIT!! Don't fall for it and then GMMTV was like shut up here's a kiss. And then I broke down and cried. Because it was a journey. 

Remember when I said Theory of Love was my favourite? It's because of these two; OffGun is everything, my favourite BL couple on screen, my favourite fanservice couple, everything. I thought that the end of theory of love meant I won't be seeing them for a while, they'd be in other series separate, they'd not want to be typecasted. Gun would go for serious roles, Off will choose more het romantic comedies, don't blame them. Still, I didn't think I'd see them again, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them in another university setting. I set my mind on only seeing them in fan meetings and side projects, I'd made up my mind to miss them. And then NOT ME happened, and now I'm crying just at the thought;

This isn't a cringy, comedic, cheesy BL. 

This isn't set in University.

This isn't'  unrequited pining from Gun to Off.

Gun is Dark! I repeat Gun went Dark he became a gang leader determined to break the law, called Black and Off; OFF went serious and he's Gun's right-hand man called Sean, and I'm just like wait is this real?? We're getting dark, gritty OFF GUN??? Are you serious?? See?? still can't believe it, and it's BL??? What is this? Christmas?? Like how did we get this, who came up with this idea THANK YOU SO MUCH. 

I thought nothing could beat theory of love for me and now OffGun came back and said HA you thought. I have a lot of feels about this, I will never stop screaming, I've rewatched that youtube trailer now for about more than 20 times, I'm not even kidding you, every day it's on repeat, I'm just ready, ready to write, to scream, to talk about this in so much detail. Let's get a plot that's deep, thrilling and mysterious, let's get a romance that is interesting, angsty but also sweet, let's get acting that is full of range, that will break my heart but fix it together again, let's get chemistry that would make me forget everything else. I'm ready for this. I've never been more ready!

Ratings: 5/5 What were you expecting? I can't even rate this anything else, nothing about this is worrying; even the director I trust she's also worked with Gun before in another movie of his, she respects LGBTQ, and she wants to make a great BL. I just can't believe this is real. 2021 come faster, I beg you. 

BAD BUDDY 

Genre: Forbidden romance, Haters to Lovers, Romance, Comedy, Opposites attract, Angst, Friends to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

You thought my screaming would be over. But no. GMMTV wasn't done with me yet. It's like it knew I was mourning from my lack of Ohm Pawat after rewatching He's coming to me (review here) and it knew I had just finished watching Gifted Graduation and felt slighted to see my opportunity at seeing Nanon as a BL character being taken from me with that finale. GMMTV knew I was empty without them and decided to mock me, and put me back together by making OHM NANON in a series together,. 

Again the same process as Not me; I started laughing when I saw the trailer like a mad person. I was like this is clearly a queer bait bromance, HA, not falling for it GMMTV almost got me this time, but then there were the stares, the Romeo and Juliet energy, the sneaking into each other's rooms, the becoming secret friends despite being haters to lovers, the skinship, the intimacy, and then the jealousy, the pining, the longing, the are we just friends scene??? WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?? Why is AOF directing this (same director of ALL my favourite BLS), what is this GMMTV? 

Nanon wouldn't be in a BL we know this, we've been clowns, but we accepted this with defeat, why is he now saying he's doing one because of the cast? THIS IS A BL? NOT BAIT? NOT A TRICK? BY AOF? WHATTTTTTT???? see my mind exploded. 

Since then it hasn't still comprehended this. This is insane, do you know how good, how genius, how amazing Nanon and Ohm Pawat is?? Do you see the power this holds? The fact it's directed by Aof who's like one of the best directors ever in GMMTV??? Do you even know what this means? For this GENRE??? Sorry, I have to scream. I still can't believe this! This is something someone would say, and we'd laugh it of as a joke like yeah right, in your dreams, but it's real, and it looks absolutely amazing, is it a university setting YES, so what? This is everything, with haters to lovers but not really, to Romeo and Juliet pining and longing, to the chemistry that takes your breath away. To just Ohm and Nanon in a screen together being in love. Yep, you guessed it my mind is never goanna be whole again after this breakdown. Guess what I'm okay with it. 

Ratings: 5/5 OhmNanon, Aof that's it. That's the post.

A TALE OF A THOUSAND STARS

 Genre/Themes: Military, Romance, Comedy, Drama, Heart Transplant, Unrequited Love, Fish out of water, 

Verdict:

 And we come to this big one here. You see it? It screams 2021 show of the year to me, it screams incredible plot and romance to me, it screams unique and exciting BL to me. Guess what? It's also by Aof. Ha. It took me a year to accept this is happening because when the trailer came out, I knew that with this cursed genre that this was too good that there'd probably be some kind of issue with it. But did it matter? No! Because this was real. Earth and Mix were in a BL together, and it looks so amazing, so great, and it's coming in less than 3 months. I'm going to cry. And it means everything; because there's a hint of character dynamics, angst and also haters to lovers. I see the chemistry, the production, the plot, the actors, and I just feel so ready for this show that I have no other words to say except I love it, I love it, I love it!. 

Ratings: 5/5 It's taken years, but I'm ready for this, I just want the trailer now, I want the show now, I want 2021 to start now. This is definitely a giant for sure, it's everything, and I can't wait for it. 

After screaming at everything; 2021 starting with ATOTS is already a sign, we're in for a great year with so many incredible changes in this genre. GMMTV isn't messing around, with subs in their event to show international fans are no longer forgotten and are heard and respected, with actors that have made their way into my heart and refuse to leave, and I'm just so happy. It may seem so extreme to be this excited for a BL series to be good, but I love this genre, I love seeing what it represents to so many people, I love the interesting storylines, the discussions you can have for days because of it, the tears, angst, and happiness you feel. But most of all I love how BL has brought out writing from me, I'm happy when I analyse this genre, I'm delighted discussing real-life links and conversations derived from it, I'm so glad learning and humbling my self and opening my mind to new things. BL has been a source of excitement, shock and happiness this year. I can't for next year to be even more splendid, and with this line-up, it's going to be even more than that. It's going to break the world. Can't wait. 

[draco-and-tom]

TW!!!-  Mentions of suicide attempt, Mentions of suicide note, Mentions of alcohol, Mentions of grooming, Mentions of sexual assault, Mentions of cheating, Mentions of early eating disorder signs. Please let me know If you catch any I didn’t say.

This is about Talia (@satans-little-devil) Okay, so it has come to my attention that I have been played long story short. It all started when she sent in this request. I love requests and was delighted to write for her. Talia would keep checking up on me and asking if I ate/drank etc. We started talking and becoming friends and after about 2 weeks she started getting flirty. I did not know her age at the time so I would flirt back. I'm a little flirty with all of my friends so I didn't see anything wrong with it. After about another week we got even more flirty and on a Friday of (I think) April we started dating. I called her 2 times while we were dating and both times she had an excuse for why she couldn't speak, only listen. On those calls I told her how alcohol and sexual abuse were triggers for me which will come into play later. We dated for 3 days till she told me that she wasn't comfortable with my age, so we were going to wait a bit. We continued to do the exact same things as we were doing before. We weren't supposed to talk romantically to anyone else, we weren't supposed to kiss, touch others, anything like that. After about a week of that is when the suicide attempt and letter posts happened. She had told me about how her parents were abusive and I even supposedly got her in trouble because of our messages. Her parents are homophobic and her sister read through them, then told their parents. I don't even know if I believe this anymore because I've had a gut feeling about this and some things didn't add up which I will get into later. That night I begged her to not do it and told her a whole bunch of things to get her to stop. I even messaged a random person I saw on her blog a couple of times (that I did not know) seeking help. She ended up telling me that I had convinced her and that her parents needed her for chores or something. At this point I'm blowing up her phone, because she hasn't answered me in a while and I'm starting to get worried. She answers me after a few more minutes and tells me that she’s okay and going for a drive. I tell her that's fine, but to be safe because the last time she told me that she got into her wreck. She told me that she would be and once again she stops answering completely. I blew up her phone a lot at this point because i was so scared that something had happened to her. I woke up around once every hour to check our messages and send new ones. I wake up around 3 or 4 in the morning and see that she messaged me back. I read it and she tells me about a post that her sister made for her talking about the attempt. I keep talking to her and she keeps saying sorry and so do I. After a couple of days all of her surgeries are done and she is resting in the hospital. That weekend I get random messages from her telling me things that I couldn't quite make out. She ended up telling me about a day later that she was in a Christian mental hospital and that the messages were her trying to get help. This is why she was saying things like “I'm fine they told me themselves”. She was talking about the nuns. I was pretty skeptical about this because I’ve been told by people I know that they take away electronics from patience there so I asked her how she still had her phone. She told me that she didn't and that they allowed her to have her school lap top. Me being me thought that it was odd, and decided to trust her because I thought that we were close. I’ve always been a trusting person and refused to act on all of the red flags that I saw. She told me that her parents forged her signature, but later she informed me that she found out her doctor signed her into the mental hospital/group home type place. After a while she seemed to be getting better and told me that she liked it better there because she didn't have to deal with her parents. A few days later she informs me about a friend named Blake. Apparently he was one of her friends that she had known since elementary school. She told me that they were really close and that they cuddled which I was uncomfortable with because I'm a very jealous/territorial person, but I let it slide because I felt that I was over reacting and she shouldn't have to change her friendship habits for me. The next day were talking and she tells me that they kiss in a “friend” kind of way. I don't know exactly what that means to her, but that was were I told her in made me upset. She told me that he was gay and that he had a fiancé that he loved dearly. A few moments later all of the sudden Blake is bisexual. She tells me to not worry about him and I brush it off. The next day I am informed that Blake’s boy friend cheated and they broke up. She started telling me about how He would get drunk and become violent and would tell her to hide the alcohol from him. I asked her how he got it in the first place since they were in a mental hospital after all. She basically told me that the nuns didn't care. One of the days he got drunk she told me that he sexually assaulted her. I told her that it was not okay and that she should cut him off. She said no because he was one of her best friends. I eventually convinced her to at least talk to him about it and they ended up crying. We ended up setting boundaries for them. After all of that cleared up she tells me about a friend named Jacob she had coming to visit. Before reading this part please note that I am a minor. I have no experience with sexual matters other than what I see and read, so I have no clue how communication during works. I'm obviously not innocent, considering I run a smut page, but I am not sexually active either. Talia would always push me into sexual things, but in the end I always gave my consent. We didn't do anything overly sexual, just texting. She would always tease me about doing sexual things with both of her friends even though she knew it bothered me. One time she did and told me that she did sexual things with him. I didn't believe her. Later in the day I told her to be nice and that I wasn't mad to which she responds with something like “you aren't mad about Jason?”. At this point I was a little confused and asked if they actually did anything and she ends up saying that they did. She basically blamed it on me and I ended up feeling bad for 2 reasons. 

1. I had just been cheated on for the first time

2. I felt like it was my fault.

she said that she was sorry, but I was being too mean and she wanted to be good for someone and that I should have known. By this point in our relationship I started developing eating issues. I would get so stressed out that if I even thought about eating I felt like I would throw up. I told her about it, but did not tell her what the cause of my eating problems were. After a couple of days I'm having a good time at the beach on vacation. She knew that I was on vacation and that I was trying to relax because of my recent problems having to do with her, and just life in general. About 2 nights ago she messages me and tells me that she kissed Jason again. I’m going to try not to show too much emotion in this because i don't want to trauma dump you guys, so ill say the rest as good as I can. I forgave her again. I told her that if it happened again that we were over and she agreed. everything went fine and yesterday was actually pretty smooth sailing. Me and her had nice talks. Her friend messaged me and she asked me to block her, and I did. The only thing that was bothering me at this time is that she started to stop talking to me earlier in the day. The schedule change was drastic. We used to message throughout from around 9am-1am, and it recently changed to around 12pm-8pm. Today I woke up, got ready to leave my hotel, and messaged her at about 7am. In the car I messaged her and told her that I might not be able to talk for awhile because i lost my charger. she ends up responding with “hiii” and that was the last message I got and will probably get from her, because when I got back home and checked my messages her whole account was de-activated. I unblock her friend and ask her if Talia is okay. her friend still hasn't answered, even though I don't think I want her to anymore. I saw a couple posts about her, but didn't believe them until i saw an ask from @sexy-for-cedric about @were-not-doing-get-help  ‘s post. If it wasn't for that I would probably still be on her side, but knowing that I was cheated on ATLEAST 3 times in a month by the same person sent me over the edge. I understand that what she did was horrible, but please don't tag me in any posts shunning her or saying dreadful things about her. I know that its wrong for me to, but I still love her and I hope you all understand that I hate myself for it, so please don't be rude to me. I was already nervous enough to post this. And if anyone tries to tell me how I feel trust me, I know how i felt about her. I have a locket with her picture in it that I cant wear anymore. I hope anyone that is going through what I am knows that my dms are always open and that this is not your fault.

And Talia if you are seeing this I'm sorry and I truly do love you, but the pain started to be too much as of today when I found out. I'm sorry, I hope you find your way in life. I hope you are okay.

People I think should read this: @sexy-for-cedric @were-not-doing-get-help @georgeswh0re @quindolyn @krasivayadarling @inureflower @just-the-best-devil @mrzweasley

[btssmutficslovingfan01]

Do Me

Summary: You hate each other but there’s something just so sexy about him.

Words: 4.9k

Pairing(s): Hoseok x (female) Reader, Slight Jin x Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: First Person POV, mature language, sexual humor, graphic sexual descriptions, the sex feels kinda real, reader doesn’t say it but it looks like she’s a virgin, mentions of open relationships, this entire story is literally a buildup to a gangbang also kinda badly written but that’s the charm

                               ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He glared at me as I ran across the field, my shorts riding up my thighs and flashing him quite a bit of skin. I knew what he wanted, it was clear that he wanted to get me angry too.

Hoseok and I share a complicated relationship. He pushes, I pull. We’ve been at odds with each other since we met in ninth grade Algebra, as he was cocky since he knew he was the best looking boy in our grade. However, I never succumbed to his charms. I knew he was good looking, obviously, but he had a rotten attitude.

We became something like friends, since he was newly single and looking for a new girlfriend, and he naturally attached himself to me. Things were steady for a while but it changed after my 18th birthday. He had a girlfriend at the time and he opted to ditch my birthday party for her. 

The next day when I went back to school, I confronted him and poured my heart out to him. He ended the conversation, telling me his true feelings,

“I would’ve come but I wasn’t free! We would’ve had a blast together.” He looked visibly hurt and I could feel my face burning up. I sighed, turning away from him and sitting down in my own desk as he continued staring at me with those ice-cold grey eyes.

He returned my attitude with his own sour mood, reverting back to his older, fuckboy self. I hated him passionately, saving my tears for another guy who deserved them. I started dating his best friend, ironically.

We had to force a mutual tolerance for each other, he had to grimace as I greeted him “hello” every day at lunch and whenever he left, we made conversation. It went a little something like this:

“So how was your day?”

“You and I will never be friends.”

“I just asked you how you were doing, geez.” And then we would go back to our phones, pretending like nothing happened as Danny returned. 

We broke up a little over a month ago but something definitely changed between me and Hoseok again. We hated each other, but with every eye roll and glare, there was tension.

I couldn’t believe it, but every time he yelled in my face, I got wet. I started thinking of him whenever I masturbated, his lips on my clit, or his cock rubbing against my thighs, and how warm he’d feel against my cold skin.

I never told him about my fantasies, instead channeling all my anger at him, till it reached him directly.

Currently, we were in gym class and we haven’t said a word to each other. He slipped a note into my hand, just as we were about to go change. I read in his messy handwriting “Meet me in the boys locker room after everyone leaves.”

I waited, making sure there were no teachers or students in the proximity before sneaking into the boys locker room through the unlocked connected door that the teachers seemingly forgot to lock. 

When I slipped into the room, Hoseok was half naked, wearing only his pants as he smirked in my direction. I grit my teeth seeing his cocky grin and wanting to slap him silly but also wanting to kiss those soft lips and run my fingers through his hair. The connection between us was an unexplainable one. I was angry at him, but at the same time I wanted to get railed by him.

“What do you want?” I hiss, as he backs me into a locker.

“Why do you think I asked you to meet me alone?”

“I don’t know...” He grunts, caging me against a wall as I suck in a deep breath, trying to control my wild heartbeat. 

“Don’t play coy with me, missy.” I let out a sigh, rolling my eyes at him.

“You don’t scare me.”

“I was just gonna apologize.”

“For what?” When I turned back to look at him, he was inches away from me, his lips above mine. They were juicy and plump and I know I couldn’t resist any longer.

“For this,” He gives me the satisfaction of feeling those lips, his breath fanning across my face as the lights suddenly went out in the room and we were left in darkness. “Damn motion sensors. Now come on, let me take you home.” Normally I’d argue with him but I was too tired to put up a fight this time. Luckily since gym was the last class of the day, I could go straight home to shower. The school shower rooms would require me to shower and change all at the same time but going home would mean only showering and changing then taking a nap without worrying about classes afterwards.

“We’re here.” When I open my eyes after five minutes, Hoseok has pulled up in front of my house.

I thank him curtly before walking back home with my head hung low. What’s wrong with me? He waits for me to go inside before pulling back out the driveway  and retreating to his own home.

As I laid in my bed recounting the days events, I wondered what the hell I was thinking, kissing him like that.

I touched my lips again, feeling the familiar warmth arise in my chest as I take in a deep breath. I pull the covers over me and I decided to sleep on it.

The next day isn’t much better. Hoseok hasn’t said a word to me and I haven’t really talked to him either. I finally swallowed my pride during lunch, approaching him with a heavy heart.

“You know, it’s funny that we...yesterday...” Suddenly I can’t seem to find the words after looking into his deep grey eyes. He looks a lot more different today.

“Can we forget about it? I screwed up,” He sighs as I lean against the window next to me, watching him curiously as he turns to me with a red apple in hand. “I only asked you to meet me yesterday so we could talk about the elephant in the room.”

“Which might be...?” I urge him to continue but he just grunted before kicking the wall behind him and avoiding my gaze once more.

“Just drop it.” I step in front of him, blocking him from running away. He looked up at me with those same eyes which get me every time, and all was lost again. 

“Tell me, what did you really want to talk to me about?” He clenched his jaw, leaning in close, lips only millimeters away from my mouth.

“I want you.” I surprised myself by what I said next.

“Then come get me.” I walked away without saying much else, impressing myself with how bold I acted with Hoseok, my sworn enemy. Furthermore, was he seriously courting me? We hate each other. I don’t understand why he’s intent on getting into my pants. His hands probably don’t satisfy him anymore. 

“What’s up with you?” One friend of mine asks as I walk back to the lunch table empty handed. 

“Hoseok.” I reply with a small smile. 

“I thought you guys weren’t friends anymore. What did he want?” She asks, not really prying but still interested enough to ask. 

“Homework, or something like that.” 

“Oh my god, speaking of homework, earlier this boy in my physics class said something sexist.”

“What did he say?” Judging by her tone, he really pissed her off. 

“He said us girls are like homework, guys just do us.” I raise an eyebrow, shaking my head in disbelief. 

“Wow, he said that?”

“Yeah. And he’s not just any guy, he’s a freshman, his name was Jungkook.” I slap a hand on my cheek in shock.

“The basketball player who got into the varsity team after trying out?”

“That’s the one.” She chatters on about how annoying he acts and then moves onto her boyfriend, Jin. He’s handsome, smart, and very charming. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he’s gay but he has dispelled the rumors himself. He was seen kissing a guy at a rave but he denied everything and said he was experimenting.

Jin is an interesting character, but even so he’s too good to be true. Much better than Hoseok, that’s for sure.

“Hey Y/N.” He makes his way over to me after his girlfriend leaves to go buy a parfait.

“Hi Jin.” I wave at him, not keeping my gaze on him any longer than I should. It would be highly inappropriate if I showed more interest in my friend’s boyfriend, especially since he was a known player. 

“So I was planning on throwing a little after party for the team this weekend, and I was wondering if you would come?” I shrug as his lips curl up into an attractive smile. My heart is racing at the speed of light, but I didn’t want to lose my cool in front of him just yet.

“What’s in it for me?”

“I could introduce you to some of my friends. You’re a pretty girl, and I’m sure you get asked out all the time. It’s a shame you’re single, though.” I cross my arms as he flatters me, sitting on the edge of my seat as this gut feeling tells me to run away. I don’t want to run, there is nothing threatening about Jin in the slightest. I’m just intimidated.

“Okay, sure.” So maybe things didn’t go as planned. If things go well enough at the party, on the upside I could end up meeting the love of my life.

“I’ll ask Bae to send you the details.” 

“Hey.” He stands in front of me, sweat dripping off his forehead as he dabs his face with a towel.

“Hey yourself.” I give Hoseok a forced smile before walking over to the cooler to refill my water bottle.

“Spring ended pretty quickly, didn’t it?” He tries to keep the conversation going but I’m too focused on the game to care.

“I guess. Oh, the other team made it!”

“You like basketball?” He scans the boys first before turning back to me. 

“It’s fun. What’s it to you? Aren’t you supposed to be running track?”

“I am, well I was. It started raining outside and coach made us run laps around the gym section. Yep, I ran 103 laps.” I smirk, pulling his towel off his shoulder.

“You might want to get back in there. I can already hear the coach screaming for you to get back to the upper gym.” His nose scrunches up as he looks at his watch in disdain.

“Oh shit, I was supposed to be there like 5 minutes ago. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Bye.” I wave him off, tossing the towel into the nearest laundry bin I could find.

After the basketball team wins with a solid 21 points in the lead, we all head down to Jin’s house to celebrate. It felt awkward at first, since I was invited by Jin but he was hanging out with his girlfriend the entire time and I was third wheeling, but by the time I had the fourth drink, it was perfect.

Jin’s hand is on my shoulder as I tell him things that people with only crude humor understand, and while Bae was busy in the bathroom, I got introduced to Jungkook, the star player and his equally bitchy girlfriend, Raini.

“Hey guys, it’s been a long day but I think we ought to play some 7 minutes in heaven, don’t you think?” I hold up my coke can as one of the players makes a suggestion.

“Wait, aren’t some of you guys in relationships?” Raini and Bae have similar reactions, as they step forward out of the small crowd of people, sitting by my side while stroking my hair (and making me uncomfortable if I might add) and complimenting my lip tint.

“We’re both in open relationships, me and my boyfriend are like this so we won’t let anything like sex get in the way of our romance.” I scratch my head as Raini puts her fingers together, not really reassuring me since her nails were longer than my legs and she clearly didn’t give a fuck about who her boyfriend was sticking his cock inside.

“I’m not in a relationship, but I do know that if I was it would probably be closed.” I lunge forward, catapulting myself off the couch as I try running anywhere they aren’t. These girls are intimidating, they aren’t ashamed of their sexual ambitions and they were open to anything. Whereas, I wouldn’t be caught dead with a boy in bed. Sex makes me flustered, what can I say?

“Hey, where are you going cutie? The party’s barely started.” Jungkook suddenly had his arms around me, his body stinking of cologne and sweat. I expected a citrus scent from him since that’s what all the girls who slept with him said but instead I was met with a nasty odor that clogged up my nose.

“Jungkook, stop being such a dick. Can’t you see she doesn’t want to hang out with you?” When I met eyes with Hoseok again, I knew I couldn’t let him go again. I need to have him at my fingertips, preferably under me because I wanted to take control. I want to do to him what he did to me.

“Oh sorry man, didn’t know she was your girl. I was under the impression that you two hated each other,” Jungkook stares straight ahead, searching his eyes for an answer. When Hoseok grips my hand and I don’t say a word, Jungkook backs away. “Alright, be that way. Just don’t come bitchin’ to me when she messes up your shit again.” Jungkook pushed past Hoseok as I stood behind him, pondering what he could have possibly meant by me “messing his shit up.” He might have liked me in the past. Just when I thought I had him all figured out, he goes and pulls this on me.

“Hoseok, wait,” I stop him before he tries walking away. “What did Jungkook mean?”

“I don’t have time for this.” He sighs, trying to push past me as I block the way again.

“Please tell me the truth.”

“You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” My heart stops when he closes in on me, kissing me softly as I sigh into his lips. 

“That’s all, isn’t it? Tell me, do you feel the same way I do?” I ask as we break the kiss.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He gives me a heart-shaped smile, pulling me into an empty bedroom. He kissed me with more passion this time, his lips practically glued to mine as he pushed me down on the bed. He crawls over me, trapping my body with his. I want this. I feel every fiber of my being heat up with lust, all because of him. Why does he have to be so freaking sexy? “Are you sure about this?” He asks as I pull off my top and kick off my pants. Lips parted as he stared at me in awe, he waited for me to answer. He already had his shirt off, so I had trouble concentrating on what he had to say because he looked yummy.

“Yes.” I pull him down on top of me for a kiss, gasping a bit from the bone crushing weight of his torso as he rests his body on mine momentarily. 

“Sorry, almost blacked out there for a second.” He smirks at me as I shake my head.

“It’s no problem, princess.” He nips my lower lip slightly before moving down to my neck, leaving kisses as he tosses my bra aside.

“Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.” I smacked my lips together, giggling as my lip gloss was smeared all over his face from our sloppy kisses. I feel a string of saliva dribble down my chin as he unbuckles his pants.

“Can I suck you off first?” I feel shy all of a sudden, and considering that I was more naked than he was at the moment, it doesn’t really add up.

“Of course, sweetheart,” His eyes wander down my figure as I crawl to the edge of the bed, blushing as I see his hard-on. “Now don’t go getting all shy on me, babe. Why don’t you start by opening your mouth and you can suck the tip first?” The tip, right. I was completely inexperienced with anything sex-related. Hoseok gently caressed my hair, sucking in a breath as I brought my lips down and closed my mouth around his shaft, slowly falling into a rhythm as he parts his lips, rocking his hips forward, now thrusting his hard cock into my mouth every once in a while, the head twitching and jerking with Hoseok’s spasms.

“Shit,” He groans, watching me as I gag a bit on his dick. My ear throat burns but an overwhelming feeling of lust clouds my vision. I made him weak. “You’re so good at this, baby,” I continue sucking his cock, taking him deeper in my mouth once I get the hang of it. I was bobbing my head up and down in a repetitive motion, watching him with wondrous eyes as he releases the most delicious noises. I feel more dominant, reducing the Hoseok Jung into nothing more but a moaning mess of pleasure. “Move further down, the base...ahhhh that’s more like it.” 

“Are you cumming?” I giggle as he rolls his hips forward, feeling my head between his legs as gently as possible.

“If you keep at it, yeah. I will.” 

“In my mouth?” His jaw drops open as I pout, looking up at him with a twinkle of mischief in my eyes.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I just thought—”

“I was kidding. But I’m not a fan of the taste.” I smack my lips, managing to swallow a bit of the residue.

“Same here. I think cum tastes disgusting but eating pussy is what I’m best at.” I raise a brow at him as he starts bragging about his skill. There he goes again, gloating about something in my face as we’re in the middle of a moment. It’s ridiculous, he just won’t stop being annoying. So, I decided to amp up my game. Feeling the lightbulb go off above my head, I look up at him as his dick goes limp in my hands.

“Quiet. Why don’t you do something useful with your mouth for once in your life and just get on your knees, bitch?” He winced, giving me that look most boys give me when I’ve said something outrageous. I might have gone overboard with calling him a bitch, but as far as insults go, it’s not my worst.

“Whoa, you could’ve said it nicely. If you wanna get eaten out, all you gotta do is ask, baby.” I smirk, pushing my thighs together as Hoseok reaches down to grab my throbbing clit. 

“Don’t call me “baby.” I’m not yours, I’m my own person,” He yanks his hand free, staring at my clear fluids coating his fingertips as I cross my legs. “I guess the toy became the player. Come here.”

“What’s up with you?” Hoseok asks as he crawls between my legs.

“I was just trying something but I didn’t like it. Got me feeling tight.” Hoseok lets out a chuckle as I tell him what was bugging me earlier.

“That’s a good feeling. It means you’re enjoying yourself.”

“No, it’s not. I called you a bitch and disrespected you by calling you a player. I’m sorry that I’m like this.” 

“Hey, what’s gotten into you?” His soft voice makes my heart flutter. He’s speaking to me in such a soothing voice and with a buttery tone that just makes me want to suck his cock all day. Damn, I’m horny.

“I just want this to be perfect, for both of us.”

“It’s already perfect.” He kisses the back of my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine after. Our palms were sweaty and sticky, and my breath smells nasty. I should have brought some gum.

“Please continue. I won’t stop you,” We share a smile as Hoseok brings his tongue down to lick my clit, finally reaching my bud as he kisses my pussy with the utmost care. He makes sure not to accidentally bite me, his lips massaging my heat as pleasure overtakes me and I feel a strange sensation like I’m about to explode. But it’s not like peeing, it just feels very good.

“Hoseok!” I call out his name once as he slurps me up with his pink tongue, now with his lips barely even grazing the surface, as his tongue does most of the work, from the inside. I can feel him, my nipples hardened the moment his mouth touched my pussy. I felt close. Whatever that meant. When I started tensing up, instead of stopping me, he started rubbing his nose against my pussy, thrusting his slick tongue into me at a quick pace. “I’m gonna cum!” I cry as his tongue dances across my labia, and I gasp out of shock and relief after the cum spews all over his face.

A knock on the door interrupts us as Hoseok pulls away from my wet heat and he gets up, sighing as I cover myself with the blankets, still recovering from the mind-blowing orgasm.

“You can’t be up here. I get that you’re trying to enjoy the moment but my sheets are new and I’d rather not put them in the laundry right away.”

“I didn’t think you’d kill the mood so quickly, Jin,” Hoseok seems to have a silent stare down with the boy as he stands at the doorway, peering into the room with prying eyes. “I’ll be back.” Hoseok tells me, shutting the door and stepping out in nothing but his boxers.

It was getting cold, without his warmth and pleasurable tongue disappearing between my folds once again as promised.

“What took you so long?” I ask when he finally comes back after 10 minutes.

“Sorry. Just needed to sort some stuff out with the boys.”

“What?” 

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter now. Jin said he’s okay with us doing it on his bed.”

“Well now I just feel bad. Come on, at least fuck me on the rug.” Hoseok smirks as I lower my ass to the ground, leaning forward as he gets behind me.

“If you’re sure about this…” 

“What are you talking about? My ass is literally—Oh, OH.” I choke back my tears as he splits my pussy in half. I felt an excruciating pain first before I was wet enough to the point where he could slide right in.

“Fuck yes.” Hoseok’s sloppy thrusts get smoother over time as I loosen up, it feels more amazing as he fucks me harshly, his testes slapping against my ass and all. I felt my core clench all of a sudden, and an all-too familiar feeling creeping up on me again.

“Hobi…” 

“I know, baby.” He gropes my boobs as he kisses my neck, sliding his warm hands down my entire body as I bounce back on his dick from an odd angle. He was currently holding my arms back, like reigns as I used gravity to propel myself back on his dick and he pushed his body forward to collide with mine. Our skin made a hard clapping sound, like how skin sounds when you smack it really hard or something.

“I’m a little sore now, fuck my life.” I curse as the back of my thighs clench from being smacked against Hoseok’s toned ones. This man has some rock hard muscles. 

“That’s a little ironic, considering that I’m actually fucking you right now.”

“Hoseok, I’m actually in pain, can't you just help me out just this once?” He sighs, pulling out of me as I moan from the sudden loss of his dick. Who knew I was such a whore for cock?

“Get on the bed.” 

                                                       ⚠️

When I saw him for the first time after our lustful tousle in Jin’s bedroom, he evaded my gaze. I took things in my own hands by texting him to meet me in the locker room after everyone left. I had my doubts at first, but after I heard the heavy footsteps, I felt reassured.

Hoseok was avoiding me.

“What’s your deal?” I ask as he rubs his neck, sweat dripping down his forehead despite him having showered and smelling daisy fresh. 

“I dunno.” He avoids my gaze again, and finally losing my last nerve, I slam him against the lockers, just like he did to me when we were first in here.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, Hoseok. I don’t appreciate when guys fuck me and then leave me hanging the next day at school. We’re friends, right? What’s got you so shaken up?”

“It’s the...agreement I made with Jin.” I keep my arms on either side of him as he gulps anxiously, his Adam’s apple shining as he swallows his saliva.

“What’s the agreement about?” 

“He asked me...for a turn.” I back away from him, dropping my arm back to my side.

“So you agreed to pimp me out just to fuck me in Jin’s bed?” 

“No, I was gonna take it back but he said that I can’t go back on my word or he would tell everyone that we were..” Hoseok sounded ashamed. He didn’t want any rumors of us and the worst part is that he didn’t even tell me about this stupid deal.

“You know what, this isn’t your problem anymore.”

“What?” He asks as I pick up my bag.

“If you’re embarrassed of me I’ll just go fuck your friends. At least they aren’t afraid of a little pussy.”

“I’m not afraid! And how are you gonna do that? You were extremely shy with me.” He folds his arms, expecting me to run back to him. But I won’t give him the satisfaction, oh no. I’m going to do as I said and fuck Jin. Bae said she was in an open relationship with him anyways, so it doesn’t matter.

“Watch me. You’re totally invited, but I won’t be sucking your dick along with theirs.” I leave him alone in the locker room, taking a pack of gum with me before meeting up with Jin.

“Hey you, I just wanted you to meet the boys before we got started. And in case you want to see any tests we’re all clean and everything is back at Jungkook’s place. His parents own this cool pool house which is five times bigger than my entire house and you’ve been there before so it’s safe to say that you’ll be in good hands.” Jin puts an arm around my shoulder as we walk out to his car.

“Will Hoseok be there too?”

“Yep, and just so he doesn’t break the no-touching rule, we’re tying his arms behind his back and only letting him out to use the bathroom and stroke his dick. It’s gonna be painful!” 

“Sweet. What about the ceiling silks, and rope bounds, gag balls?” I ask.

“Whoa, slow down. We’re not going full BDSM, just some aspects,” I raise an eyebrow at Jin. “Not in front of the whole school, freaky nerd girl.” 

“Could a nerd do this in public?” I place my leg strategically between his legs, resting it on his hardening cock as he groans, blushing a bright red as students passing by whisper and laugh at him as he nearly cums in his pants.

“Okay, release, release! Sorry for calling you a nerd. You’re actually pretty cool, Princess.” I giggle, surprising him with my boldness as I did something so rash in public. After having sex with Hoseok, it’s safe to say that I’m a changed woman.

“Hey!” I say in a warning tone. “Call me that again.” He smirks at me with a familiar look on his face. As we walked off together, Hoseok watched us and when he thought I wasn’t watching, Jin gave him the middle finger. Looks like I stumbled into the middle of something I wasn’t supposed to know about.

End Note: Read second part here

[anika-ann]

Attached: Words Lost in Translation Pt.1

Type: (mini)-series,  Modern-college-professor AU… aka the wrong attachment AU ;)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader   Word count: 4200

Summary: There’s a new guy in your history class – a foreign student from Milan, Italy. Handsome, nice enough, pretty smart, actually.

But dammit, you should have known that a guy complimenting the way you say his name will be trouble – Bucky certainly thinks so from the start… and he’s not wrong. Oh boy.

A/N: Attached: Words Lost in Translation is a 3-part addition to the Attached series.

A/N: Many thanks to my lord and saviour @chase-your-dreams-away​ for her help with Italian bits which you’ll find in the fic :-* Seriously, big shout-out for her, she was awesome! Vocabulary at the end if you’re interested.

And many thanks to @wxstedhexrt​ for sending me the link and putting the plot bunny into my head in the first place :-* 

Warnings: smug insistent jerk, harassment(?), swearing, one remark about LBGT+ that could feel insensitive

Story masterlist

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

“Uhm… hi. Can I sit here? And uh—this is kinda ridiculous, but could I borrow a pen?”

A very much handsome young man was standing by your seat in the second row, week two of your first semester of master’s at uni, deep brown eyes, naturally tanned skin, relatively tall, his smile a fraction shy but honest.

What else could you have done that what you did?

Even if he wasn’t a relatively cute guy – mind you, you were dating Steve, very happily needless to say – you had no reason to be a bitch to a guy with slight accent you weren’t sure where to place, to a guy who was apparently a tiny bit lost on his first day at Bucky’s class.

“Yeah, sure. Seat all yours,” you smiled encouragingly, sliding him an extra pen on surface of the desk.

His smile widened brilliantly, exposing a set of perfectly narrow and white teeth. A twinkle appeared in his eye and you caught your heart skipping a beat.

Oh. Ah-oh.

“Thank you so much. Something tells me that the prof wouldn’t appreciate me missing the first class of his and not taking notes on the second,” your mystery student grimaced and you chuckled, unable to help yourself.

First of all, yeah, kinda on point.

Second of all, not on point at all, because the said prof was Professor James Barnes. Bucky had a relatively benevolent policy when it came to his classes – yes, he appreciated when his students were paying attention, interacting even, but as long as you weren’t an ass or weren’t making noise (or both), you were fine.

You said so to your new classmate and he nodded in acknowledgement.

“Good to know… but you know what would be even better?” he asked, cocking his head to side curiously – or teasingly, it was hard to tell.

“Oh, what? I guess you need the syllabus too, right? I can-“

A low chuckle erupted from his throat, his eyes glimmering with amusement as his gaze gave you a not-exactly-subtle once-over you weren’t sure how you felt about.

Except you knew exactly how you felt about it, you just knew you shouldn’t feel that way.

“That would probably come in handy too, but I’d rather know the name of my lovely saviour with a pretty smile.”

You found yourself lowering your gaze, heat rising to your cheeks.

Here was a thing – this was most flirting you got in like a year. You adored Steve, you truly did, from the bottom of your heart, he was a dream come true… however, the fact that you two were dating was clear to everyone.

And by everyone, you really meant everyone; considering the scene at your bachelor graduation and the mess around, it appeared that the whole damn city accepted the fact that you were Steve’s and thus no one even considered stepping on his toes.

Which was alright, absolutely, but… girl’s got needs, her ego craves a boost from time to time, even if it’s an appreciative glance from a stranger. Just a teeny-tiny bit of flirting.

No one ever flirted with you anymore.

It was why it was way too easy to fall into the sweet trap as you introduced yourself, lifting you gaze only to see your companion wearing a lop-sided smile. He most definitely liked what he saw.

“Sweet name for a sweet girl. I’m Daniel. I’m here for two semesters. And before you ask, it’s Milano, Italy,” he added quickly with a flash of his teeth again, holding out his hand – and upon having it accepted, he most certainly held it too long and swept his thumb over the back of your hand.

Which was the point when your head started yelling at you to stop this in an instant and draw a line. Yes, it felt amazing to be complimented to, but you had a boyfriend – a fucking dreamy one, no less – and you sure as hell didn’t want to give Daniel (how was his name pronounced again?) the wrong impression.

You retreated your hand with your smile turning tight-lipped, a cold pang of guilt stabbing you in your gut. Served you right.

“Nice to meet you, Daniel,” you said politely, and his expression shifted into one just a fraction patronizing.

“Da-ni­-el. Kinda soft ‘i’. Daniel. You’ll get a hang of it, I’m sure. Once more, please?”

Well, since he said please. “Da-ni-el,” you repeated more from a common curtesy, because honestly, the least you could do was to try to pronounce a name right for a handsome classmate.

Shush it, it doesn’t matter if he’s handsome or not!

Daniel smiled widely, turning his palms up and gesturing towards you. “Perfetto. Amazing. You’re a natural.”

Before you could say thanks, Bucky entered the class and you felt the stab in your insides intensify as his eyes found you unmistakably, as if he had witnessed our interaction with the Italian and was telling you he’d rat you out to Steve if you didn’t stop right now.

Ridiculous – there was nothing to talk about. You were just being nice to the friendly stranger who happened to be in your class and whom you’d be meeting for at least a semester. That was all.

Except you still felt your heart pounding furiously, equally because of the feeling of getting caught doing something wrong and because of enjoying the attention. Fuck.

Okay, fine. You’d tell Steve about this guy on your own as a precaution. It would at least remind you to keep yourself in check, because honestly, you had no desire to get tangled up in some mess. You had no desire to taint the beautiful thing you had with Steve with anything at all, less so for a fling.

Content with yourself, you forced yourself to listen to Bucky’s lecture, taking notes like you were supposed to, determined to ignore Daniel’s presence.

Except Daniel interrupted him twice with questions and remarks about accuracy, drawing attention of the whole class to him and you felt hot in your face for a whole different reason than before – simply hating that someone sitting next to you was, frankly, quickly getting annoying.

And God, you had no idea how much.

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Daniel Gallo was a relatively nice guy –social perhaps a little too much, but cute and open, easy to be friends with.

However, he had one fatal flaw, one you discovered very early on; he was the smuggest asshole you had ever met.

Perhaps it was his need to correct Bucky all the time – mostly failing, because Bucky knew his shit, he was just sparing you the tinniest details, leaving them for you to find in text books.

Maybe it was the fact that Daniel hadn’t given you the pen back, not even asking if he could keep it for the day, which you’d understand despite being protective of your pens; except he carried it around for two weeks, using it in front of you, returning it only upon your curious and slightly sarcastic comment about it.

Most definitely though, it was the fact that he was unbearably insistent on flirting with you – shamelessly – even after you grew so uncomfortable that you blatantly told him you had a boyfriend. He smirked, but backed off for the day, only to continue his advances the next week.

And then Jill, a girl from your year and a sort-of-friend, actually told you that he mentioned you in front of her, saying that you were two growing rather close, if she knew what he meant, and she admitted that she snorted into her latté when hearing it.

“What? What is it?” he had asked.

“I sincerely doubt that,” she claimed she had said, causing him to frown.

“Why? She gay? I don’t think so, I can tell this kind of stuff.”

“No. She’s taken. Very happily, I might add. Sorry to burst your bubble.”

“Nah. We’ll see about that,” he had replied supposedly and learning that felt like a punch to your stomach, causing you to see red.

You showed him ignorance incarnate the next week, but he didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

And then even Bucky noticed and kept casting dirty glares at you both as if you had done the worst crime.

To be honest, after that you did feel dirty; but you didn’t want to make a fuss.

In fact, you hadn’t even told Steve about Daniel besides informing him about the existence of a foreign student in your class.

Partly, shame was to blamed, because you kept wondering if you had done enough; perhaps you should have been more radical, sterner with Daniel to make him stop.

The other part of the reason was that Steve was under tons of pressure because of his academic duties; all professors had to publish an article in a prestige journals dedicated to their area of expertise at least once in two years – university policy – and working on that while teaching several classes was simply taking its toll on him. You really didn’t want to add to his stress.

It wasn’t even a big deal – Daniel was overly social and he probably said shit like the stuff you learned from Jill about other girls too. What was the golden rule? When there’s nothing broken, don’t fix it.

There was nothing. No problem at all.

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Except there was.

That morning, you were zoned out, because Steve snapped at you for not doing the dishes and didn’t bother to apologize till you left the apartment in a foul mood. Then he went to shower you with texts full of apologies, gradually growing into pure cutesy (involving a picture of his puppy eyes) and gifs and stuff and you ended up spending the majority of Bucky’s lecture on your phone.

By Bucky’s policy, that was perfectly okay, because he couldn’t care less if you were smiling like a loon into your phone – hell, if he noticed, he was probably glad, knowing shit had rained down and was now being fixed.

At the end of the class, Daniel graciously offered you his neat notes – and really, they looked amazing –, surprising you rather pleasantly.

“Oh… that’s… that’s very kind of you,” you stuttered, almost rendered speechless. Perhaps you truly were just making a big deal of things, seeing something that wasn’t-

“Anything for my principessa.“

The cloud that had been following you since you left the apartment made its comeback in a second, so fast that you actually felt your stomach drop to your feet.

Oh no, you were not imagining things – after all, Daniel even had a term of fucking endearment for you. And you might not be speaking Italian, but you understood that just fine.

“Perhaps one day she’ll repay me with a dinner date,” he continued with a supposedly charming smile, one you found disgusting at the moment.

You opened your mouth and swiftly closed it when no sound came out, scoffing at your naivety. Of course he wouldn’t give them for free, jackass. You shook your head with a wry smile and packed your untouched pencil case and papers, rising to your feet without another word.

A hand on your wrist stopped you from spinning on your heel and walking away.

“Aspetta, aspetta-” an all-to-familiar voice now whispered as you grinded your teeth and glared at the point of contact, skin on skin. He squeezed your wrist almost gently before letting go. “Wait. Here. Just… take a picture, okay? Where would we be if weren’t nice from time to time…”

You really didn’t want to give him the satisfaction… but you could really use his notes too.

Dammit shit.

“Thank you,” you uttered, obediently taking a photo of the three pages of ridiculously perfect notes. Then, you met his gaze, face torn between stern and grateful. “Just… a reminder: I have a boyfriend.”

Slow smile spread on his lips and in that moment, you wanted to punch him in those perfect teeth of his. “Doesn’t stand in the way of admiring your beauty, does it, la mia ragazza…”

You had no clue what he said, but the la mia hinted you that he called you something his and that sent a surge of white-hot anger through your veins, mixing with humiliation. Your hand actually curled up in a fist, twitching – but instead of giving your piling anger an outlet, you took a deep breath, huffed and stalked away without a word of goodbye.

“See you next week!” Daniel called after you and you gripped the strap of your backpack tighter, squeezing your eyes shut.

That night, you got next to zero sleep, watching Steve’s passed-out form with tears in your eyes.

It was ridiculous, it was nothing and you were doing nothing wrong-- but you couldn’t make yourself to cuddle to Steve’s side despite desperately needing his wordless affirmation that everything was alright.

Just a simple embrace of his was like a promise of a brighter future. With him.

Chuckling wryly into your palm, you wiped at your tears and snuggled to Steve, causing him to stir and hum, his arm circling around you on instinct, a barely-there sloppy kiss to your hair chasing more tears into your eyes along with a watery smile gracing your lips.

Yeah. Everything was going to be fine.

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Nothing was fine.

Daniel was getting handsy if you could call it that. His thigh brushed yours multiple times the next class as he was sitting uncomfortably close and no amount of subtle pushing away (of you and your chair) was helping, so no, there could have been nothing coincidental about that.

You dug your nails into your palm and bit your cheek, but survived the lesson somehow.

Bucky called for you at the end of the class, saving you further interaction with that Italian Satan, allowing you to breathe freely until he addressed the very problem your head was occupied with.

Bucky didn’t like Daniel’s attitude to begin with – which wasn’t surprising, seeing as he was being a prick – but he liked the fact Daniel seemed to be awfully close to you even less if his tone was anything to go by and his eyes screamed accusations and you fucking hated yourself, feeling the tell-tale of incoming tears burning in your eyes.

“I can talk to him, you know. Tell him to back off,” he offered then though, the grey with blue threads of his irises warming when he noticed your state.

The pressure in your gut eased upon learning Steve’s best friend didn’t only blame you and apparently wanted to help rather than presenting you with ‘you made your bed you lie in it’ attitude.

You even charmed a small smile for him, determined to do justice to your word: “Thank you… it’s fine. I’ll deal with him. I can handle one guy who doesn’t take no for an answer.”

And sure you could.

Daniel hugged you goodbye the next class, saying he was planning a get-away with his new friends for a weekend and it might be dangerous – fucking absurd.

With your heart in your throat, you quickly patted his back and twisted from his arms, feeling dirty.

“No kiss for good luck?” he teased, that annoying smug smile on his face and you had to remind yourself that punching him was a terrible idea seeing as you were already walking a fine line dating a professor – who happened to be the best friend of one of your professors.

You didn’t need any problems – and for some reason, you were certain Daniel would make a big fucking deal of it. So no punching it was.

Your resolve crumbled to nothing when a sudden kiss landed on your cheek, the sensation cold like a kiss of the death itself.

Before you could as much as catch your breath which got knocked out of your lungs and not in the good way, your blood pressure skyrocketing along with your pulse to a point where your head began spinning… he was gone.

You gulped, eyes fluttering shut as the world seemed to sway from its place and you nearly jumped out of your skin when a hand grasped your arm.

“Daniel, go fuck yourself-“ you snapped and glared at him- only to meet Bucky’s angry and very much concerned gaze.

“Too bad you didn’t say that about thirty seconds ago. You alright?” the brunet asked you, grip firm yet gentle as he steadied your shaky stance.

“Uh-huh,” you hummed, a little strangled noise. “And I am gonna tell him exactly this the next time I see him.”

“Not good enough for me. You’re not stupid, I know you’re not. But I’m not either,” he remarked, expression gravel. His tone hardened, unlike his eyes that studied you thoroughly, examining your face as if searching for something. “You think I didn’t notice the change of your wardrobe?”

An icy-cold shiver ran an up your spine, causing all your muscles to stiffen.

Fuck. He noticed.

You supposed it wasn’t too hard to see and it was only natural that he kept an eye on you as on his best friend’s girlfriend. Yes, your Tuesday’s outfits suddenly somehow lacked skirts and anything with a deeper neckline than a turtle-neck, simply in hopes to turn Daniel off or at least not to pluck up his interest further; an action that had taken zero effect.

But being called out like this? That stung. It hurt your pride and it hurt by its very nature, because it reminded you how pathetic you were, unable to get rid of a jerk who didn’t take no for an answer – in a public space, with witnesses for god’s sake. It made you feel weak and incompetent.

So you looked Professor Barnes dead in the eye, your lips a thin line, your voice cold as you spoke the only words that made sense at that time:

“I—I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

So what if you stuttered? So what if his brows furrowed with what was a damn patronizing worry? You didn’t care as you gathered your stuff without another word exchanged.

You made a mental note to wear your favourite outfit the next week, forgoing pants and turtle-necks, because you could fucking take care of yourself.

Penny encouraged you, clearly having faith in you too, but she also gently reminded you that you could report him.

As if. Brining more attention to your person was the last thing you needed.

You could do this on your own, thank you very much.

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

For all your bravado, you asked a girl you barely knew by name if you could sit next to her and nearly cried when she said yes and another girl seated herself to your other side within two minutes. You even smiled for yourself contentedly, seeing a dawn of a new age.

And then Daniel fucking Gallo walked in and charmed his way to the seat next to you anyway, somehow managing to scare off your original saviour as well.

Well, too bad for him; you had your confidence back along with your outfit that suited you much better and you were going to tell that jerk to fuck off, just like you promised to Bucky and yourself.

“You thought I wasn’t coming today, la mia bella ragazza? I couldn’t bear not seeing you…” he started off again and you eyed him head to toe, causing a smile spread on his face. You had found that smile cute once, the kind of smile you would let a person get away with murder for.

Now it was making you want to commit murder.

“I was hoping actually.”

“Oh, sassy today, are we? What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? He had the audacity to-

You can’t punch him, you can’t punch him, think of the bureaucracy and your future…

What about my satisfaction?

Zip it!

You took a deep breath and watched that asshole take a seat next to you, automatically shuffling his chair closer.

“Daniel, look-“

“Zitta, zitta…” he interrupted you softly, but the manner he spoke with only pissed you off further. Fuck Italian.

“I don’t know what that means and frankly, I don’t care. I’m taken. I said so, several times. So back off,” you hissed, watching your volume despite the prof not being in yet – you didn’t need a scene. You were disgustingly certain Daniel had brought enough attention to you already – in fact, you were shocked Steve hadn’t learned about this yahoo yet with how quickly gossip spread on this university.

And that Bucky hadn’t told him-- God, you hoped Bucky wasn’t saving it for today’s boys night-

To your utter shock and annoyance, Daniel didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, smiling widely as if amused at your antics. “Am I putting doubts in that bella testolina of yours?”

Your blood boiled at such implication… and maybe there was a thin flow of steam coming from your ears too? Because you couldn’t fucking believe this guy, implying such thing-

--okay, you weren’t sure what exactly he said, honestly, but you understood just enough. No doubts. You were perfectly sure he was an asshole you wanted to have nothing to do with.

“No! No way! Jesus- okay. Let’s be clear. Was... this,” you gestured between the two of you in self-explanatory manner, “flattering at first? Yes. But seriously, now you’re just making me uncomfortable.”

As if appealing to his conscience would work…

“Then give in. Just one little dinner,” he insisted, showing a small space between his thumb and forefinger, grinning as if he hadn’t been listening to you at all. “What could it hurt? Who knows, maybe I’ll show you a real good time and you’ll forget all about some boring boyfriend of yours… who I’m not sure he exists actually-“

You inhaled sharply, wheezing in fact, heat of righteous anger flooding your whole body. That fucker-!

“Oh for fuck’s sake-“

You can’t punch him. You. Can. Not. Punch. Him.

You repeated those words to yourself like a magical mantra that was losing its effect, because there was nothing you wanted more. Maybe except for Steve punching him, that would be quite a show… but it was not an option.

For one, Steve, thank heavens, still didn’t know about Daniel’s unwanted advances and for two, chances were that he would show a little less restraint and you wouldn’t blame him one bit. But it would bring a whole new set of trouble, so you had to deal with this alien of a man on your own.

And right now, staring into that stupidly smug face of his, you only saw one possible solution.

“Okay, fine.”

You almost slapped your hand over your mouth as soon as the words left your lips, numbing horror overwhelming your body.

What the fuck did you just do?!

“Yes!” Daniel whisper-yelled, pumping his fist and you noticed that the class was gradually falling silent, probably with Bucky’s approach – but there was still enough chatter going on for you to save the situation somehow.

“-but you have to earn it,” you added in an equally hushed tone.

He cocked his eyebrow, as if smelling your fear that arrived instantly after the rash decision he provoked from you. “I won’t back out from a challenge, bellezza.”

Yeah, I friggin’ bet.

Your mind was racing hundred miles an hour, choosing to ignore the whatever-it-meant petname in favour of the crisis at hand.

“How about… you ask the professor a question-“ Oh Bucky was going to have your head on a stick for that, but hey, he had offered to help you- “-and if he answers wrong, I’ll go to one dinner with you, tonight.”

…that would be alright, right? Just to get rid of him. One dinner so he would get the clue at last. You’d be a hateful bitch, possibly embarrassing him, doing just about anything for him to finally stop making your life a living hell.

Yeah, looking back at the product of your frantic brain, it had been an excellent thinking actually. Go impulsive me!

Hell, tonight was perfect for it, with Steve having a night off with Bucky and you originally planning on studying with Penny. You would tell Steve after, explaining everything—or maybe before? Bucky was your witness that you weren’t exactly an enthusiastic participant in this, surely he would help you explain and would be able to distract Steve-

But really, that was all theoretical, because Daniel would have to catch Bucky off guard first, which was very unlikely. Bucky knew his subject through and through and Daniel’s chances were extremely low anyway.

“Easy-peasy,” Daniel grinned confidently, making you internally roll your eyes at his overconfident ass.

Or perhaps you had let your annoyance show for real? You couldn’t tell anymore, the adrenaline rush in your veins making certain things too sharp and other dull. For instance, you registered Daniel’s eyes flickering towards the teacher’s stand, his already wide smile growing enough to nearly tear his mouth.

“Even easier when we have a substitute.”

“What,” you blurted out, head snapping to the professor at the front.

A flash of blond hair and a shade darker beard. Broad shoulders. Blue eyes of which you simply knew they had a glint of green in them.

Your heart positively stopped in your chest, your lips parting in mute horror.

“Oh shit.”

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Vocabulary: Perfetto - perfect Principessa – princess Aspetta – wait La mia (bella) ragazza – my (pretty) girl Zitta – shh Bella testolina – pretty head

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Part 2

⊱-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦ ✉ ◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-◦-⊰

Eh, I swear the first idea was giving off less of a harassment vibe. But it gets better, I promise ;)

I apologize to Italians if you find this offensive, but it was in fact not my intention at all for Daniel to be a representation of a whole nation. I figured there are insistent jerks all over the globe. (And I happened to have an Italian real-life template, not gonna lie.)

[apparently-impalas-go-to-heaven]

...Just Why?!?

Like many people the Bold Type has been one of my favorite shows since it came out. The clothes, the characters, the setting, the new age story lines (Give or take) was amazing to me. They have supportive bosses! Girl love! and conflict that gets resolved rather then covered up to stew and stir till there is some big explosion. With that being said... I have not watched The Bold Type in a few episodes mostly because, I have been seeing the outcomes of each on social media and decided that I did not want to see it with my own eyes. 

I’ll start with Jane

 I’ll be honest Jane was never my favorite I loved her but, I always gravitated more towards Sutton and Kat. I absolutely loved he medical story line and how that played into her and Ryan’s relationship because, all of that does play into reasons why people stay with or leave someone. I know a lot of people were not happy when she stayed with Ryan but, I will say I know people who have been in similar situations and have ended up with that person and made it through on the other side together. Now obviously there was more to it than just cheating given that Jane was not told the truth from the start and it just pilled on. I really liked how their relationship ended I think it was a great moment for Jane and showed a lot of growth. Then BAM she’s falling for another guy, who is incredibly similar to Ryan. WHY!?! Now like I said I haven’t seen the episodes past the one where they’re snowed in so, I don’t for sure know whats happening with Jane right now because, of all the other crappy story lines people are (rightfully screaming about). Jane has so much potential as a character but, they bury her in her love life or give her this stool as the heroine of the show almost that I don’t think her character deserves because, they are not letting her breath outside of boy drama. 

Now for Kat... What the actual hell? 

at first I was excited to see Kat in a completely different circumstance than what we have seen. She comes from a place of privilege in the since of finances, she didn’t have to worry about rent or food or a pay check. So, to see someone who was such a force to be in a place where I myself am usually in and to see how she dealt with that was, inspiring to me, which I know sounds cheesy but, its true. Seeing her struggle with money was something I really needed to see because, everyone deals with it differently and Sutton or Jane’s out look on money is completely different than Kat’s. Though there could have been better ways then taking away her job. 

 I’ll admit I do not hate Eva’s character I do not agree with her choices as a character but, I don’t agree with all the choices the characters make in this show. And I apologize if it sounds like I’m making excuses for Eva (Ava?) that’s not what I’m trying to do. Had they introduced Eva as a rival turned possible ally, someone to butt heads with Kat in way that was beneficial to them both in being able to learn and grow from each other and come out of it with an educated look into the other side, I would have welcomed it with open arms but, they didn’t. Instead they made them have a relationship .2 seconds after introducing the fact that Eva was gay and basically her entire character as well. I have seen Aisha’s post and I gotta say I feel so bad for her, I know she loves this show and her character and it takes guts to stand up to a room full of people when you think something is wrong and, it is so wrong. The first half of season 4 was great for Kat in my opinion we got to see her sexuality become a more of a prominent role, as she came out as Bi-sexual, I thought that was a really great story line and bringing out a lot of the issues in the LGBTQ+ community when it comes to being bi-sexual. But, that just went away and now her she is sleeping with a powerful Conservative  white women, why did they think that would be okay? Eva’s gay so she’s resolved of anything else negative about her? How do they expect them to take away actually important information from each other when in a few episodes they’ll probably break up and all of the interactions will be tainted by the fact she’s an Ex. Not to mentioned the Eva helps Kat get her job back story line WAS RIGHT THERE. also note I want to say thank you to the actor who plays Eva for siding with Aisha even though it could very well mean she is out of a job. 

Now Sutton Brady- HUNTER

Sutton has been my favorite character from the beginning of the series, and her and Richard's relationship though troupe-y was very refreshing. Yes, they had their issues and arguments but, all couples have them. I would honestly be more concerned if they didn’t because, that would be incredibly unrealistic. But, Richard has been nothing but, supportive and Sutton has been able to grow and do what she loves - so why the fuck did they ever think it would be totally in character for Richard to just leave? and then for Sutton to say “I don’t know who I am without him” and then proceed to cheat? Have they been watching a different show this whole time? Sutton has always been her own person, has she become a bit more dependent yes, that’s what most people do that is a marriage it is someone you can Depend on for the rest of your life. It is work that should be done by both parties and we have seen that multiple times in their relationship.

I know that kids are a big deal, personally I have no clue how I feel about kids I kinda of go back and forth but, I’m also much younger than Sutton and not married or in a committed relationship.  But, what bothers me so much about this story line is 1) No one talked about adoption of maybe an older kid-teen I feel like that option is rarely explored and we’ve Sutton doing amazing things with Oliver’s daughter. I know that, that is still a kid it is still a huge life style change but, it is still a possibility worth talking about. And then 2) they really just jumped from zero to sixty Richard just left and Sutton cheats. It puts them both in such a bad place and light and I realize these things happen but, why do we keep having to watch them happen all over again time after time. It is a tired and aggravating story line. There is no version of Richard’s character that this story makes sense in he has been a great person and a great partner so, I could understand him having to leave maybe for a night just to clear his head but, there is no way I see him not telling Sutton where he is and staying gone. And as for Sutton no matter how hurt she is I really don’t ever see her cheating, she was in a relationship with a cheater and she went out of her way to make sure it was made right. Not to mention we’ve seen a good amount of growth with her mother and I can understand how actually having a baby and then losing it could stir a lot of that up, kind of wash it away and set her back in her growth but, this is not only out of character its not entertaining in any form. I’ll be incredibly disappointed if the set them on a road to divorce right after they got married and were a great example of a working couple. 

So I don’t what I’m going to do when/if the show comes back, maybe they were planing a way to get out of all these messes with the next few episodes they didn’t get to shoot. But, if this is the story lines they want to continue on they, it’ll just be another show that didn’t live up to its potential and another example of how shock value is ruining the industry. 

[musical-broken-heart]

Erased

Ship(s): Stenbrough, Reddie(?)

Age: 12-13

TW: Drugs (don't do them), Abuse, Slurs

Bills Pov

I leaned against the bridge watching the smoke rise from my mouth as I smelled the cannabis from my hand go back into my mouth. Another day where I barely made it through without being called stutter-boy by Henry. I was so close but I just had to yell and try to stand up for my friends. Sighing I threw the butt of the cigarette to the ground and stomped it out, walking back home. Climbing through my window I didn't want to get beat for being out late again.

Digging through my desk drawers I found my mint gum. I didn't want my brother to smell the smoke and even though it didn't stop the smell entirely it did dim the strong scent.

Going to bed I woke up at someone yelling my name. Groaning I got up and grabbed clothes for the day. "Hey fag!" my dad hissed. " what does fag mean momma?" Georgie asked getting his father a glare from his mother. "It's a bad word that your father should not be saying." She said. "Bill I have already said you are not missing a day of school." She said putting the plates on the table.

"I already s-said I'd g-g-go tomorrow," I said laying my head down on the table. "He doesn't listen! Look at him he's probably high." father said now reading the newspaper. "He's high!" Georgie said receiving a glare from me. "I don't want you going to school high William!" mother said. Cringing at the name I stood up. "Great so then I won't go. Thanks, mom!" I said walking away.

Knowing I'd have to go anyway I went to school stopping at Richie's house Eddie, Ben and Beverly soon joining us. "Alright so Stan has been at school for the past 30 minutes because he needed to get some homework done and for some reason, he's really upset with you, Bill," Eddie said. "Oh, why?" I asked as we walked into the building. "I don't know he just said that he saw something and now he won't talk to you," Eddie said.

"Hey, guys," Stan said from behind us. "Hey, can you tell us why you ain't talking to Billy?" Richie asked. "I'm actually going to talk to him after school about it. See you in class." he smiled and walked away.

Stans pov

Last night I was bird watching and lost track of time. Hurring home I had to go across the bridge and I saw someone. They had something in their hands that I could make out like a cigarette by the look and smell. Thinking it was Henry I waited for him to leave. After a few minutes I looked closer and he was smaller than the tormentor. His hair was familiar and that facial structure was even more recognizable. Bill was smoking!  

He threw it to the floor and stomped it out then walking home and climbing through his window. Breathing faster I rushed to Eddies. "Hey man what's up you know how late it is?" he asked. Before he could say how upset his mother would be I cut him off. "I'm heading to school early tomorrow and I'm not talking to Bill. I saw something and I'm... I don't know. So don't wait up for me." I said. He nodded and went back to bed.

The following morning I got up early and left the house. Waiting near my locker after a few minutes I heard the losers and walked to them. "Hey, guys!" I said. Eddie smiled and waved. "Hey, can you tell us why you ain't talking to Billy?" Richie said slamming his hand on Bills back causing him to gasp. "I'm actually going to talk to him after school about it. See you in class." I said and waved to Beverly. Before I left I glanced at Bill and it tore me apart to see such a broken emotionless expression on his face.

I loved his smile and he always had eyes that sparkled even when he was upset or sad or anything in-between but now he had eyes that showed a hurt boy or had looked as though he just lost everything. It was a long day because his smile and laugh were fake. I knew it was because of me. I wanted to hug him and tell him I loved him but he had been smoking! AND I AM NOT GAY! He is just a friend (the three words I hate the most) a friend who has really nice hair and smooth pale flawless skin with lips that look so kissable and his beautiful puppy eyes and- holy shit I'm gay for my best friend!

Sighing I walked out of the school to see Bill already a block away from the school. Rushing after him I went in front of him. "What is wrong with you?!" I yelled surprising him and me. His shocked face went away as quickly as came and it replaces with anger. "I d-d-don't know what you s-saw but it w-wasn't me." he hissed. "So I didn't see you smoking at the bridge last night?" I asked now feeling embarrassed for thinking he would do such a thing.

"Y-y-you saw that?" he asked causing me to look at him. He looked at the floor and just stood there. "That was you?! Bill why would you-"

"My parents b-b-beat me. They are a-abusive and-" I cut him off and hugged him. "I want to help you. We'll start off slow." I said looking him in the eyes. He smiled and nodded. I held out my hand and his smile left as soon as he realized what I wanted. Digging in his pocket he pulled out his pack and handed it to me. I looked at him and threw it into the water. Looking at him he looked to the side no emotion showing. Placing my hand on his chin I turned his face so we looked at each other. "Billy. Why didn't you tell any of us?" I asked.

He just looked at me a blank look on his face. He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to figure out what to say. "I-I-I d-d-didn't want t-t-to bother y-y-you." he stuttered out my heart-shattering at his empty voice. I grabbed his arms causing him to flinch but he didn't try moving away. "Stay over at my place tonight. However, I think it'd be best if you don't go back to your house." I said knowing he wouldn't listen to me. "Th-thanks S-Stan b-b-b-but I shouldn't. I gotta g-g-go." Bill said jumping on his bike and riding off.

I sighed and walked home. "Hey, honey how was your day?" My mother asked as I walked into the house. "I think Bill is in trouble," I said not knowing what else to do.

Bill's POV

Stan knew. The one person I never wanted to know about my problem. He wanted to help me but I didn't need it. Walking into my house I was instantly thrown against the wall. "You little brat! What do you want your brother to grow up to be? Disobedient like you?!" Zach yelled slapping me and gutting me until I toppled over. "N-no." I coughed as he grabbed me by my hair and lifted my head to look at him. "No what?!" he screamed in my face. "N-n-n-no s-s-sir." I hissed through my pain. He scoffed and dropped me to the floor walking away. Groaning I rolled to my side and held my side hoping I didn't have a broken rib.

Getting up my legs shook as I slowly walked to my bedroom holding onto the wall and anything that would help me not fall over. My mother walked into the room and watched as I limped my way to my room. Tears in her eyes she did nothing but stand there. I hate her. I hate her and I might just hate her more than the man who beats me. All she does is stand and watch. She never tries to stop it. Never has. I can't wait to get out of this town.

~Time Skip a few hours~

It was getting dark and I looked over to see it was close to 8:30. God, I needed a smoke. Leaning back in my chair I opened my drawer and pulled out a pack taking one out and climbing out my window. Before lighting it I thought about Stan. His smile he wanted to help. What is wrong with me? I'm not gay! Well...

Stan had always been there for me and I loved him. Maybe more than a friend. Defenatally more than a brother. Sighing I didn't hear a bike come over and stop. "I thought you'd have another pack. How about this. Once at night once in the morning then we slowly limit it to one a day than to once a week and so on." I heard an angelic voice say. Turning around I saw Stan smiling at me. His smile faded and he cupped my cheek. "You alright?" he asked seeing the bruise my father had given me. "I-I-I fell." I lied turning my face away.

He smiled and nodded clearly not believing me. He held up a match and smiled as though offering to light my drug. "Are you an idiot?" I asked no stuttering in my words. I froze regretting what I had said out loud. He chuckled and shook his hand taking the flame out leaning against the house. "You were friends with Eddie and Richie before me. You wanted to bring me into the group," he said softly his curls blowing softly in the wind making him look more beautiful.

"I wondered why but didn't ask. I know why now. You and I Bill." he paused looking off into the distance no longer a smile on his face. "We're both fakes," he said. I looked at him and he smiled. "But now I want to help you. Don't forget. We're starting slow." he said before leaving.

Sighing I stayed outside a few more minutes before climbing through my window. Looking at the sheets on my bed I smiled. Only a few hours till I would shake awake in fear or pain.

~Time Skip Saterday~

I walked to my house slowly not wanting to open the door. Taking a deep breath I dared to and walked in. My father wasn't home and it was dark. Well as dark as any house could be with windows and sun being the only thing giving light to the room. Walking into my room I shut the door and fell to the floor my back against the door. A soft sob escaped my lips when I heard the door open and slam.

Waiting for my drunk father to get to me and beat me I tried to hide but it didn't matter how softly my weightless body moved across my room it was still thunderous as the man threw the door open and snarled at me. "FAG! Don't try and hide you worthless mistake!" he shouted reaching for me as I backed away only for my back to hit my bed. "P-p-please! L-luh-leave me a-a-alone!" I shouted at my father as he wrapped his grip around my ankles pulling me towards him and slamming me onto the floor.

"You little shit! Stay quiet!" Zach yelled slapping me across the face. After an hour of this, he stopped and dragged me by my hair to the kitchen. "Get the ice you brat!" Zach yelled throwing me against the wall watching as I limped over to the freezer and grab a bag of ice. The man yanked it from me and poured it into the sink putting water in it. Watching it fill he pulled me over and lifted me over the counter pushing my face in not letting me come up for air.

Every 30 seconds or so he'd pull me by the hair causing me to let out a blood raising scream of pain and need of warmth. "We need to get these bruises of your face before Monday!" Zach said pushing my face back into the cold water.

~Time Skip~ Stans POV

Bill left the clubhouse a while ago but he left his bag. Richie and Eddie went with me to his house. "Get the ice you brat!" we heard someone yell. The door was locked and the windows had been locked with every blind closed so we couldn't see in.

Walking around the house I climbed through Bills window followed by Eddie who, besides me, was careful to not make noise but Richie jumped in causing the ground to shake. Considering I was scared it just made a thud with no shake in the ground but the noise was loud enough for someone to come running into the room.

My heart raced scared of what Bill's father would do. The door opened and I shut my eyes ready to apologize for coming through a window. "Stanny? You guys can't be here right now Momma told me to tell you to leave." I heard Georgie say. Looking up I let out a sigh and smiled. "We came to see Bill. Is he here?" I asked. Georgie was about to say something before we heard a scream come from the kitchen. Georgie started crying and ran out of the room not bothering to stop me from finding Bill.

Georgie was crying hugging his mother's legs while she stood watching her husband. I felt my blood boil. What kind of mother just watched her husband abuse their son?! What kind of father beats their child? Richie and Eddie stood in the room staring at the boy that laid on the floor dripping wet from the ice water as he shook from the cold. His bruised face staring at us terrified. He wasn't begging for help he was begging us to leave. "Bill?" I heard Eddie say behind me. Even the small voice caused Bill to flinch.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Who beats their son?!" I yelled not realizing Bill shuddering at the yelling. I stopped and looked at him but he refused to look me in my eyes. "He's staying with me tonight," I said looking Zach in the eyes as he glared at me. "You take my son-" he began but I cut him off. "You don't have the right to call him your son!" I yelled kneeling next to Bill who shied away from my touch but then melted into my arms shaking. I glared at the man who looked shocked at what he was seeing.

His face tightened and he grabbed Bill by the arm causing him to let out a whimper of pain. "You're the one turning my son into a faggot!" he yelled at me raising his hand to hit me. I stood my ground ready to get hit but it never came. Opening my eyes I saw Bill's arms wrapped around his father stopping him from slapping me. His father looked petrified. Grabbing his son he threw him to the side kicking him then looking at me. "Get the fuck out of this house! I'm sending this mistake away," Zach said.

I looked at Bill who didn't try getting up. "Get! Out!" Zach said once again. Richie walked over to me and grabbed my arm softly pulling me away. "Stan. Let's go," he said quietly. "No!" I said looking to Bill who just stared blankly at me. His eyes should have been filled with tears but he clearly had none. "Stan we'll come back later," Eddie said softly grabbing my other arm both of them dragging me out of the house. I stopped right before I got off their porch and looked at Sharon who refused to meet my eyes. "How the hell can you live with yourself knowing and doing nothing about what that man does?" I asked before Richie took me away.

Later that night it was cold. January in Maine doesn't normally get below freezing but tonight it was closer than normal. The snow on the ground deep and my bed warm but I couldn't help and think of Bill. That freezing water. He was wearing a tank top as it happened while his brother and mother wore warm knitted sweater. Of course, I could see Georgie refusing to because he didn't understand what his older brother did do get such a punishment.

Sitting up in my bed my legs dangled as my feet just barely touched the floor. Sighing I yelled and raced down the hall to my parent's room. They were already awake from my scream. "Stanley are you alright what's wrong?" My mother asked holding me safely. "Bill's being abused by his father. I-I think he's in danger." I sobbed as she dried my tears looking at my father who was already grabbing his coat and keys. "Andrea call the police. Stan come with me we're going to the Denbroughs," he said. I nodded and quickly ran out to the car.

We arrived at the house quickly and I ran up to the door but my dad told me to stand behind him as he knocked on the door. Sharon opened it and horror took over her. "Rabbi Uris. Wh-what are you doing here?" she asked her voice shaking as she looked at me. "I came by to see if we could talk? Stan says you are an amazing cook. I would like to try some of your food." my father lied. She nodded and stepped aside for us to enter the house.

"Donald Uris, what are you doing in my house?" Zach asked walking into the room. "I came by to see my sons friend. Where is Bill?" Donald asked grimly as he looked the other man in the eyes. Zach scowled. "Asleep." he growled. My father nodded and looked at me. "Stan go wake up your friend," he ordered. I nodded and stood up starting for Bills room.  Before I left the kitchen Zach grabbed my arm tightly definitely leaving bruises. Why should I be complaining about that considering what Bill is going through? "Zach! My son should be allowed to!" I heard my father say. Bills father let go of my arm and mumbled something as he watched me enter Bills room.

Bills empty room. Everything was how it was when I climbed through the window. A mess with clothes everywhere and a messed up bed. But his desk is never a mess. His desk is always clean with the pencils and art supplies in perfect order and his pack of cigarets carefully hidden away in the desk. So why was I looking at an empty bed and a desk that looked like Bill was trying to escape? Cigarets scattered across the floor along with notebooks one of which was was open to a page where I was drawn on it.

Georgie walked into the room and rubbed his eyes. "Don't tell daddy I'm awake," he said softly. I walked over to him and hugged him. "It's okay Georgie. Tell me where Bill is and I'm gonna help you two." I whispered kissing the boys forehead. "Will you two live happily ever after?" he asked causing me to freeze. I never thought about that. I loved Bill and would do anything for him. "I don't know Georgie," I said.

"He's in the shed outside. Daddy locked it 2 hours ago after Bill tried to leave. You two should live happily ever after. Billy really likes you." Georgie said yawning. I smiled and carried him to his room quietly walking to the back door. "Your son turned mine into a fag!" I heard Zach yell. "If my son is going to be a what you call a fag I'm proud it's with Bill! Neither of them are fags they are two boys who love each other and thats more then you can give your own son!" my father shouted back.

Running through the snow I got to the shed which was locked but Bill had once shown me where the keys were. Unlocking the door I heard Zach running to me but it was too late. I saw Bill laying on the shed floor topless shaking as he curled himself into a ball in the corner trying to keep warm. Running to him I took off my coat and put it around him. He tried to leave my grasp but I wouldn't let him. "Shh. It's okay Bill. It's gonna be alright. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere It's alright." I hushed him running my hands through his hair as he wrapped his arms around my waist shaking slightly.

He was freezing and I feel like if I found him any later he would have been gone. "Get away from my son you fag!" he yelled at me walking towards me causing Bill to hold me even tighter shaking even more. Before he could get to me I saw red and blue lights and men came running grabbing the man forcing him away from us. My dad came running to Bill and placed a hand softly on his shoulder. "You can rest now Bill(You can rest now Tony). You're gonna stay with us for a while. You and your brother. Let's get you warmed up." He picked the boy up and carried him to the car. "Stan go get Georgie," he said and I quickly did as told.

~Next Day~

All the Losers came to my house to see if Bill was okay. He was asleep in my arms still shaking slightly though he was no longer cold. "How is he?" Beverly asked as they all sat looking at the Leader. "Better," I replied softly brushing his hair. "I've never seen him like this. He looks so. Scared. So vulnerable." Mike said getting a nod from everyone. "You should have seen him yesterday. I've never seen him look so lost and broken." Richie said holding Eddie who was crying a little. Bill groaned a little starting to wake up.

Opening his eyes he looked around confused by his surroundings. "Hey, Billy. You okay?" I asked rubbing the boys back holding him close. Bill placed his head on my chest and nodded. "D-d-don't wanna w-w-w-wake up," he mumbled. I looked at the others then down at the boy in my lap. "Sorry?"

"I-I-I'm safe a-a-and w-w-warm. I-I-I'm l-luh-loved and in y-y-y-you a-arms. Th-then I wake up." Bill sobbed. I felt like crying as I held Bill closer if possible. "Bill, look at me. You're safe. It's gonna be alright." I said as he hid his face in my neck still sobbing. He suddenly stopped and sat there in my arms for a moment before sitting up fast and looking at me horrified. "Wheres Georgie? I-I have to g-g-go get him!" he said standing up stumbling to the door. I stood up and grabbed him.

He struggled to try to get away from me. "Let me go! Stan let go of me! I-I need to get G-Georgie!" he yelled but I picked him up and carried him to the couch laying him down. "Bill- Bill you need to calm down. Georgie is fine. He's here right now okay?" I said trying to calm the boy down. Bill shook his head still not believing me. Georgie walked into the room seeing me trying to keep Bill on the sofa while he tried to getaway. "What are you doing?!" Georgie said causing me to stop. Bill sat up and looked at his brother letting out a sigh. "Georgie, Bill needs to rest. Can you tell him that?" I asked causing the 6-year-old to giggle. "Bill! Stanny says you need to rest!" he said trying to sound serious but failing.

Bill stared at the boy before smiling and nodding. "Sure thing doc.," he said messing with his brother's hair. Stan smiled and sat next to the boy wrapping an arm around him without thinking. Bill leaned against the jew and closed his eyes. "Stanley make sure Bill eats! Don't let him outside!" Mom said before leaving for work. "Stanny." I heard the boy mumbled. I smiled and hummed in response. "I-I love you," he said quietly.

I smiled and kissed his forehead. "I love you too baby." he giggled and hugged me tighter. "Stay with me?" he asked as I rubbed his back. "For forever." I hummed ignoring all of our friends watching and Georgie jumping up and down.

Richie's POV

"Richie! Richie! Richie!" Georgie said tugging at my shirt as we watched Stan and Bill cuddle and finally confess their love. "Yes, Georgie?" I chuckled picking him up. "Are they gonna live happily ever after?" he asked was Stan kissed the boy on the couch. I smiled and nodded. "I think so, Georgie. I think so."

Georgie giggled and nodded. "Good! They belong together!" he said clearly loud enough for the two to hear him cause they both went red causing the Losers to laugh. "Alright give them space!" Mr Uris said bringing us to the kitchen for food.

[yellowreeds-writer]

Gambit Games chapter 1

(Hey guys, new project, its mostly smut and violence, you’ve been warned. this first chapter is just a bit of set up)

“It was a dark and stormy night,” Marlow spoke, his voice low trying to emulate a creepy voice. The flashlight pointed up at his face illuminating the old Elton john poster behind him. Yvette and Annie giggle at the cliché opening line and Smith gives a big huff.

Marlow grabs a pillow from my twin bed beside him and throws it at him. “Shut it, downer, I’m trying to set the mood.”

“Last time you did that it took you two hours just to tell us an “original story” that turned out just to be an alternative version of Animal Farm.” Smith catches the pillow and swiftly throws it back hitting the shorter boy right it the throat.

“Alright, fuck you!” Marlow chuckles playfully and tosses the red pillow at me.

I catch it easily, Marlow’s never been a good shot, it’s a surprise it even made it into my hands.

“Come on guys I kind of want to hear Mar’s little story.” Annie said between soft chuckles.

“Little?!” Marlow fakes a loud gasp, “I’ll have you know I’m this generation’s next great author!”

Smith moves to sit on the bed and throws my second pillow at him, “Sure, when whatever perv website you use to post your one-direction fanfiction I’ll believe you.”

Marlow shifts back, a blush coming across his face. I lean over him from my spot on Claude’s bed to ruffle his wavy hair. We haven’t stop teasing him about his written erotica since Smith saw his latest creation when he left his laptop open. We’ve known since day one that he was gay, it wasn’t really a problem for anyone but his ex-roommate Oliver, but Smith was a good man and traded rooms with him, the AC works better in his old room and anyone would want it over the other stuffy ass rooms on this floor.

“Aw leave him alone” Annie takes my third and finale pillow off my bed to support her back.

“No, keep it going, hearing about Marlow’s sexual fantasies is far more interesting than any of his books or plays that we’ve yet to read.” Yvette points out.

Giggles and laughter erupt from the group as Marlow shrivels up in his button up shirt. My freshmen year of college has gone much better than I thought it would. Its only September but I find myself in good company. In high school I’m not quite sure what I did wrong, I’m not mean to people, I’m rather smart and as far as I’m told I’m very attractive. But back in my hometown I never really had any friends. Classmates sure but outside of them asking to barrow my notes I didn’t really conversate. I spent most of my free time writing, I guess it paid off too because now I’ve got a free ride through the country’s best playwriting program.

The top four floors of the oldest building on campus is reserved for the theatre program students and the top floor is for the scholarship kids, which is us, and the other three floors hate us, which I love. I love the superiority of it all, I love being hated by the lesser it further proves my place above it all. Yvette flips her black hair over her shoulder, as she does this action, I realize what she’s wearing tonight, or lack of. Yvette has always dressed a certain way but her current assemble seemed to top a mental list I didn’t even know I was making. She’s wearing a tight-fitting black tank top that clearly is far too small and sweats that seem to hug curves I didn’t know she had. Huh.

“Psst.” Smith calls over the group to me as Marlow struggles to change the subject. He mouths something to me that I can’t really tell, the room is very dark. Then me nods to Yvette. ‘stop staring’ that was it, see, I’m smart.

As I start to tune in to whatever the new topic is my focus is ripped away by the door of my dorm slamming open and the lights flipping on.

“Why are you all sitting in the dark? Please tell me no one’s having sex on my bed.”

Claude stands at the doorway, his copper hair showing off its red shine telling me he hasn’t washed his hair in a good while. He’s tall, taller than me but not as tall as smith, but even then, Smith’s only six two. We’re not the most height-friendly bunch with most of us being below five ten.

“You wish I was.” Yvette follows her comment up with a fake moan.

Claude sighs and drops his bag by the foot of his bed and looks dead into my eyes; “What are they all doing here?”

Before I can answer Smith stands up from my bed and rolls his shoulders back, “Its scary story night, sweetheart, come on join us.”

The shorter boy puffs his chest out a bit and puts his hands in his jean pockets, jeans I now realize they are covered with an un-godly amount of dirt.

“No thanks, I’ll pass. But y’all need to relocate I’ve got a killer head ache and I’d rather be asleep right now.”

Smith looks him up and down, makes a show of rolling his shoulders back again. They’re squaring off at each other, they do it quite a lot, I don’t know if its because they’re the two alpha males of our group or what. Though, I wouldn’t say Claude is part the group, he mostly gets stuck with one of us for projects because he’s also a scholarship kid meaning the rest of the department hates his guts. At first I thought they did it because they wanted to fuck but neither of them wanted to admit to being a bottom, but now I know they’re both straight. Very much so in Claude’s case; he’s never even kissed a boy. Smith however tends to be a bit more fluid, at least from what I can tell.

Smith forfeits their fake fight first; “Tsk, fine. We can go to me and Marlow’s room.”

“Marlow and I.” the wavy-haired brunette corrects him as everyone starts to get unsettled from their spots.

Annie yawns as she gets to the door first, “actually guys I’m pretty tired, I’m going back to my room.

“Me too.” I chime in, “Y’all go on without us.”

Yvette scoffs at us, “Fine, more fun for Smith and Marlow.” She winks at me before stepping out of my dorm and down the hall.

Marlow flashes a confused face at Smith before the two of them leave. Annie picks up her phone from my bed’s edge and hugs me goodnight, she closes the door behind her and as soon as it clicks shut Claude starts stripping his clothes off.

“Why the rush?” I ask sinking back onto his bed.

“I haven’t showered in like two days and I’m covered in shit.” He says as he lifts his shirt over his head.

“Three.” I correct him. It his job that keeps him away at every free moment of the day. If he’s not in class or sleeping he’s at his mystery job that he refuses to talk about. I think he’s a janitor or something along those lines but that wouldn’t explain the weird hours or the dust and dirt, its not like bathroom grime its real under-the-grass dirt. Mud stains if it was raining that day.

As he slips off his jeans that are defiantly a size or two too big I ask him, “What’s with all the dirt?”

He grunts, “Work.”

“Very specific.”

He rolls his eyes and opens the door to our shared restroom and turns the shower on.

“I would like more details, please.”

“It was a long weekend, just worked more then usual, no laundry machines there so it’s not like I could wash my pants before you saw them.” He snaps.

“Just asking, calm down.” I decide not to push it, Claude is already a touchy person already, but I’m guessing he hasn’t slept much at all lately.

I change into a tank top and old shorts while he’s in the shower, waiting till he’s dresses and clothed till I go in there to take care of myself for the night.

“What time is your first class tomorrow?” He asks me.

“Ten.” I say through the tooth brush in my mouth, “That stupid English class they’re making us playwrights take. It’s the absolute worst thing.”

“So I’ve heard. That real flamboyant guy, William, he won’t shut up about it.”

I raise an eyebrow at him, “Non-scholarship kid? They talk to you?”

“No, but he’s loud enough during my dramaturgy class its hard to not to hear when he complains about everything.” He looks at me a moment while I spit into he sink. “Is he any good? At the writing stuff? He talks all this smack whenever Marlow or Oliver even walk by his vicinity. I just gotta know.”

“Ha, absolutely not, he thinks just because he was named after Shakespeare he’s god’s gift, but his shit is so “inspectorial” and “meta” I couldn’t tell you what a damn one was about.”

Claude nods, “A’ight, I’ll bring that up next time he calls Marlow’s play’s basic.”

“I’m surprised Mar’s doesn’t stand up for himself.”

“He’s taken after you,” He says walks to his bed, “just starting ignoring everyone that doesn’t matter. Which I suppose at this point is anyone who doesn’t live on this floor or teach one of his classes.”

“Smart kid.” I say turning off the light to the bathroom.

“Night Butch.” He says quietly.

“G’night Claude.” I respond turning off the dorm room light. As I slip into bed, I think about nothing, nothing at all.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #266

“... and buried deep beneath the waves, betrayed by family, to his nation with his last breath cried: beware the daughter of the sea.”

What's the last thing you looked up in the dictionary? Shit, it's right on the tip of my tongue... I was making sure I was using it right, which I was. Do you ever listen to instrumental music? Rarely, and if I do, it's normally game soundtracks. Who did you last sit on? I'm hoping you mean like... on their lap lmao in which case it'd probably be Jason. No one wants my fat ass to sit on their lap nowadays. What do you think about wind? I HATE wind, unless it's hot and there's a nice breeze. Has there been anyone that you wanted to get to know but never did? Well of course. That happened in high school a lot. What's the last thing you looked at that reminded you of someone? Teddy's picture on my shelf. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Not that I know of. I couldn't even begin to imagine either of those trying that. Do you have a gag reflex? A VERY STRONG ONE. Would you rather have sex before you're married or wait till marriage? I don't care. Tbh by now, I kinda think before is wiser only to ensure you two are compatible in that area. It wouldn't matter to me personally, but I know that's important to some people and can cause issues and built-up bitterness. Just use protection, Christ. Have you ever let someone hit you? Um no? Do you have friends in other states/countries? Plenty. Been on the Internet since before I was even a pre-teen, talking to strangers lmao. Do you ever pay attention during church? I would try to back then, but I never succeeded well because my mind would wander out of boredom. Do you have self-control? That very much depends on the situation. I can be EXTREMELY impulsive, but in other cases hold it together. Have you ever broken a window? No. When was the last time you freaked someone out? I'm sure it was a few nights ago when I had another nightmare and woke up screaming. Mom always yells my name to snap me out of it. Have you ever gone on a date with a weirdo? No. Who's the last person you called a bitch? I don’t know. Is anyone in your family disabled? Yes. What do you want for Christmas? It's hella early to think about it, but I'm quite certain I'll be asking for a treadmill. How many moles do you have? I don't think I have any? Aren't freckles and moles different? Do you own any comic books? No. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I don't know. I never did really nasty ones because I wasn't stupid. Do you know anyone who has been raped? Almost, anyway. Idk if I know anyone to really has been... I hope not. Are you an atheist? No. I think there's... something. Have you ever owned a goldfish? Well yeah, from like, carnival games and stuff. Who was the last person to call you beautiful? I dunno, probably a family member when I changed my FB profile picture. How many times have you been stung by a bee? Once. Those fuckin hornets better stay the holy fuck away from me. What was the last flavor of gum you chewed? Probably something fruity. When was the last time you used tape? Ummm probably when I had to tape the side of my laptop screen a bit. When was the last time you said fuck? A couple questions ago in this survey lmao. Have you ever stolen something? Only this pink crayon I thought was beautiful at Sunday school oof. Who would you like to kiss right now? Maaaan there's three people I would so long I wasn't involved with anyone else. Mark of course lol, Jason, or Sara. Who was the last person you told to 'Shut the fuck up' to? Ha ha, probably playfully to Sara. Why were you last nervous? So I joined this group on deviantART called the Guiding Light Project, which is about mental health help and positivity, and there is a list of people seeking help and what their problem is. I decided to reach out to two people I really thought I could help, and one was a guy. Men make me so nervous that I was very nervous sending him a message, but it's going very well. Whose pants did you last take off? Uhhhh. OH YEAH HEY when I was hanging out with Colleen and she got me to change her son's diaper. Hate hate hate hated it. I do not ever need kids. When was the last time you were disturbed? Hm. I'm sure over something I saw on Facebook. NO, WAIT. Sara, do not read this. When I was at Ashley's, we were watching Naked and Afraid, and they caught a chameleon to cook for food. I almost screamed. Poor thing looked terrified when the guy grabbed him. Why did you last feel awkward? Also when messaging that guy. When was the last time you got in a fight with your best friend? It's been a long time. Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Only a friend. Who was the last person you read a book to? My niece had me read a book like fifty times. Who is the person you say the naughtiest things to? Ha ha, Sara when we're having our stupid fangirl moments. Who was the last person to send you a letter? Sara. It's still on my shelf. :') How do you feel about war? I’m a pacifist, so guess. Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? Hm, maybe cupcakes. Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever slapped someone in the face? No. Do you have any tough life decisions to make soon? Nothing major. At what time of the day do you usually have the most energy? In the morning, once I've passed the drowsy phase. Magenta, aqua, or coral? Coral. Do you like the color orchid? Ye! Would you rather be a wedding photographer or a nature photographer? Uhhh I literally want to be both? I'm *realistically* more interested in shooting weddings for the income, but if I had my way, I'd be perfectly financially content being a nature photographer. Man, I hope that happens. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. Are you interested in health and wellness? "Rather than interests, I consider them two very important things I should always try to pay attention to. Health is very important." <<<< This. Would you ever be a fitness coach? HA no. Do you ever question whether something that makes you uncomfortable is a good thing or not? That's a very good question. This can definitely lead to you questioning flawed morals, so in that sense, it sure can be. In other ways though, it can certainly be a bad thing. Do you think for yourself? Yes. I am, generally, very opinionated and follow my gut instinct. Do you live life on your own terms, or do you do what everyone tells you to do? The former, usually. I can be AWFUL at making decisions though, so I definitely consider advice. What color is your bike? I don't have a bike. Are you due for a hike? There is physically no way I could handle a hike in my current shape. Muscle atrophy in the legs is not fuckin' fun, and with hyperhidrosis and THIS heat? Oh, hunny. Have you ever created a themed scrapbook? As a kid, I fainty remember having one? How often do you eat dessert? Very rarely. I don't need it. What's the trendiest item you own? Oh boy, I don't have a clue. I don't even know what's "trendy." Did you pull an all-nighter last night? No. When was the last time you wrote an essay? My first semester of this year. Do you enjoy writing essays? I actually do if it's a subject I'm passionate about. Do you enjoy learning? Yeah! What is your favorite fairytale? Fuckin fight me if you say Shrek isn't one. What is your favorite name that starts with a "Z"? I have no idea. Maybe Zena, though I prefer it with an "x." Have you ever felt like you were going to throw up while you were at school? Yes. I have before. Do you own a princess crown? No. When was the last time you were jealous of someone? Ugh... with how bad my PTSD has been lately, I've been having periodic episodes of raging hate and jealousy of the girl he dated after me, thinking things like, "what if he loved her more," "what if he also told her this or that," etc. They're not even together anymore, but my brain doesn't care. Do you know anyone with an eating disorder? Maybe? What was the last thing you killed? I think an earwig-ish thing. Whose number did you last get? The girl's who adopted Bentley. When was the last time you used a public bathroom? Probably not since an appointment with my psychiatrist some time ago. Have you ever used someone for money? Wow, no. Do you have manners? I honestly think I have great manners. Have you ever woken up and realized that yesterday really happened? That was ABSOLUTELY the day after the breakup. It didn't at all feel real when it was even happening. When was the last time that you had a pet that died? Last November is when we had to put Teddy to sleep. God, I miss that baby boy. Or did Mitsu die later? I don't recall for sure. Do you know anyone who retired at a young age? I mean, probably. I'm just unaware. When was the last time you took a taxi/Uber? Where were you going? Never, actually. We don't really have those here. Have you ever been diagnosed (by a professional) with OCD? Yes. Do you know any married gay couples? Distantly. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? SARA! I feel like kids having a sleepover when I've been with her. Is there anything you should tell someone, but don’t want to? Yes. Have you ever woken up somewhere and not known how you got there? I don't believe so. Do you live somewhere where recreational marijuana is legal? No. Have you ever quit a job with no notice? No. Do you have nightmares often? HA, it's just about a nightly basis now. Have you ever been on any sort of government assistance? I've gotten loans for school and stuff. Does that count? Did you have your own bedroom when you were growing up? No, I shared it with my little sister. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic. Are you comfortable with your weight? Fuck no. How often do you listen to classic rock? Semi-frequently. Not as much as I did in high school. What about country? Just about never ever. Do you know anyone inside and out? I don't think that's possible. Is anyone in your family sick? Both Mom and Grammy are fighting cancer right now. I don't think my grandma has much time left. She can't walk on her own anymore. What kind of camera do you have? A Canon EOS Rebel T6. What is something you know you shouldn’t do, but do anyways? Download music. What is the most amount of money you have ever lost? Idk. Is photography one of your interests? Of course, I aim to make a career out of it. Do you know your neighbors very well? I personally don't. The person to the right of us, though, my mom knows decently and is a total and complete sweetheart. Have you ever hurt yourself just to get attention? "Kind of (I hurt myself for my own purposes, but I did want attention paid to it), when I was a teenager, because I desperately needed someone to treat me with compassion and, like, take the shit that was happening to me seriously." <<<< I don't like admitting this, but it's happened. I want to emphasize that it was not the primary reason and was rather impulsive anger and self-hate, BUT for the mentioned reasons, I did want this shit taken seriously and realize I really needed help. Has anyone ever called you conceited? No. Do you write ever write poetry just to get your feelings out? Certainly. Not like I used to, though. Who were you last really mad at? REALLY mad? I'm not sure, but probably Mom. What is a sad song that you like? "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade has been in my head lately. What is a rumor people tell about you? I don't know of any. The only rumor that I know has ever been spread about me was that Jason and I had a baby in high school. Despite the fact I was slim then lmao. If you were given 1,000 acres of land with no strings attached, what would you do with it? Definitely plant a forest around a house I'd like to model myself, dig a nice pond for more wildlife... a lot of stuff that would benefit nature. If you had to flee their home country, where would you live? Canada. Do you think psychic abilities exist? Which one would you like to have? No. I'd like to uhhhh... predict the future when I will it myself, I guess. What’s a skill or craft that you would like to master, but haven’t? I wish I could draw exactly what I see in my head. How did you find out Santa isn’t real? My mom just told me. What’s a personality trait that you wish you had? CONFIDENCE!!!!!!! Do you believe in getting revenge on those who do wrong by you? If so, how do you go about it? Noooo no no. That creates so many more problems. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family think you’d had done? That's a great question. If you could shop for free at one store, what would it be? For the sake of being smart, Wal-Mart. Necessities are there. Do you have any pets? If so, what are they? I have a Siamese-esque cat and a champagne ball python. I'm currently DESPERATELY trying to talk Mom into a Mexican red knee tarantula... and I really want a hognose snake. What event in your life would make a good movie? The breakup and my recovery. If you could dedicate your life to solving one problem, what would it be? Discrimination. Where do you find meaning in your life? Quite honestly, I don't feel it has much meaning currently. I'm not doing shit worthwhile. Do you believe things happen for a reason? Hell no. What do you think is a conspiracy? Honestly, I believe in quite a few. The one I believe in most was that the government was 120% involved in 911. Research. It is unbelievable. I'm very dubious that the "first" moon landing was real, either. There is an overwhelming amount of evidence it was on a soundstage. Why? America wanted to beat Russia in the space race. I love conspiracies. Do you believe in the afterlife? How do you picture it? Yes. I don't quite know how I picture it, but I lean towards like... this nirvanic state of peace and knowledge, and unity between the dead. What’s a superstition you believe in? I don’t believe in any superstitions. None. What is the dumbest way you’ve ever been injured? YOOOOOO when I was at Colleen's in-law's having dinner once, I literally took a large bite of rice RIGHT WHEN IT CAME OFF THE STOVE. I didn't know it'd only just been removed. My tongue was burned for weeks on end. Do you mind conflict? Hell yes I mind. I'm terrified of confrontation. If you could start a charity what would it be for? Something with mental health. Maybe to help those who can't afford help/therapy. If you were a cryptid (bigfoot, mothman, ect.) what would you be? I'm already a cryptid. What’s your ideal temperature and weather? Hm... like 55 and partly cloudy. What topic could you give a 20-minute presentation on with no preparation? Gay rights. Have you ever worn those drunk goggles? Yes, for D.A.R.E. in elementary school. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the subject of course, but I'm normally very good at agreeing to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal fucking cruelty. Dumbasses getting gored are well-deserved. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Lita Ford is a badass. Slays on the guitar and is just cool. What color of roses do you find the prettiest? I actually like the classic, deep red. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? I don't think so. Why do so many fans with OTP’s insist that their ship is real? I don't really know, but it's annoying. Some people are just friends, y'know. Being similar/compatible does not equate to actually liking each other like that, and the feral ones are just... wow. Do you draw fanart of anything? Not anymore. There's soooo many pictures I'd love to draw of Mark, but I literally love him so much I don't want to disgrace his face with my poor ability to make shit proportional lmao. Favorite thing to see in museums? Fossils! Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No. What things have people shamed you for? My AvPD doesn't want me to think about this. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? Probably at some point. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Do you watch The Masked Singer? Any theories? No.

[reddieandwaiting87]

misha/cas and charlie 😂 but i already know you don't like them too

Lol Just act surprised then? XD

Charlie-sue -

Worst character on the whole show. She made Sam and Dean her side kick’s in their own show with every ep she appeared. Sam doesn’t know about computers? She gets to kill the big bad? Dean and she are BFF’s right off the bat BUT she likes “nerd” stuff so she can bond with Sam too? She’s the “smartest person in the room.” And when she is on screen every male character wants her and every female character is gay and likes her too. She’s (after Amelia.) one of the ugliest most basic looking bitches I have ever seen on SPN. Sorry not sorry.

The Felicia ass kissing because she as a loud fanbase was a joke.

Also I don’t care if people agree with me on this but I think the one and only reason they made her gay was to go “look she won’t be a love interest or get in the way of your  M/M wet dreams.”

She was a Mary-sue fansert. The “sister” type in those good awful fanfic’s come to life. Thats why her fans get so pissed when you don’t like her because you are actual attacking them or their totes awesome OC they made up. S10 was shit but I love how they finally killed this waste of screen time off. Love how Felicia was annoyed about her death too. =3

Castiel - I liked him till S7. Yes I even liked him in S6 when he was being a two face dick and broke Sam’s wall. While yes I hated his guts for nearly killing Sam just to keep Dean busy. At least he had a story line and was interesting to watch. But from S7 on wards (he never should have came out of that lake.) he as too be forced into every story line.

They have to bring back old characters and ruin them and canon to give this dumb ass a reason to STILL be fucking around. Oh and the God awful Castiel mention in every fucking ep his fugly face isn’t in. Sometimes they mix it up by having Dean mention Castiel instead of Sam!!! Or do it at the start of an ep instead of at the end!! So awesome!!

He never learns or grows as a character. Which he isn’t even anymore and no matter what he does he always gets away with it. Letting out Lucifer after Sam suffered years in the cage to put the fucker in there. Thats OK he and Dean will go for a beer run in the Impala and Dean will say Castiel did the right thing.

Castiel declares himself God and lets the Leviathans out and leaves Sam to deal with the wall he broke in Sam’s head. Lol thats OK Castiel is all crazy now and likes Bee’s and makes sandwiches.

You get the idea.And I’m sure he will fuck up again and again. He and the angels need to go. Oh and stop killing the bastard off and bringing him back. Getting my hopes up here.

Misha - unlike Charlie-sue and Castiel is a real life person. (duh) So thats get one thing straight I don’t wish him or his family any ill will. Just because he pisses me off (alot) now doesn’t mean I would attack him on Twitter or if I ever got to go to a con I would be rude to him. I just wouldn’t go to his panels.

It just bugs me cause Misha is a smart guy and I really used to love him and think he was funny. But after he got fired in S7 and his fanbase which yes he as no control over BUT he eggs them on all the time and NEVER defends his cast mates when they get attacked by them. Got more annoying and loud I just really went off him.

He panders to the shippers, he talks about sex at his panels and he isn’t even trying on the show anymore. Misha did use to act when on SPN but he knows he is untouchable now and doesn’t even bother.

He also puts down SPN and blames the show for him not getting work? Sure Jan.

When he is with Jared he is OK but as soon as he is on his own he plays to his minions.

Right all I’m going to say cause its bed time (1am and I have to be up at 9am.)

Thanx again anon.

[witch-of-time-and-letters]

POESÍA DE CANCIONES EN INGLÉS “THEY FUCK ME THEN BECOME “GENIUS”! BUT NOBODY SAID ME OR HELP ME TO JOIN.

OVerture: someone remember 22th december,

Is there anybody going to listen to my story is all about the girl who came to stay?

She's the kind of girl You want say much, it makes you sorry Still you don't regret a single day

                                 Part. I[PAST ERASED]

I was the foolest timid boy, i just tried to arrive to a new place where i could found everything what i needed years ago, im not their nigga girl turns to White, the sacrifice to all Aliens Gods NO i just a trans girl who survive against everything fighthing with my brain and guts for dignity.

I grew up in a small town and when the rain would fall down, I'd just stare out my window dreaming of what could be and if I'd end up happy. Trying hard to reach out but when I tried to speak out always felt like no one could hear me tried to wanted to belong here

But something felt so wrong here So I breakaway

I'll spread my wings, and I'll learn how to fly I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky and I'll make a wish take a chance, make a change and breakaway, out of the darkness and into the sun

BUT, Hey Dellilah!

Don't want to be an American Idiot,, welcome to a new kind of tension, all across the alienation.

I don't need premition, make my own decisions, why can't I live my life.

Do ya think? Do ya think? Do ya think? And there's nothing wrong with me.

                               Part. II-CITIE OF DAMNED SOULS-

What an amazing time, what a family, how did the years go by? Now it's only me

They say I'm crazy I really don't care That's my prerogative, They say I'm nasty but I don't give a damn, everybody's talking all this stuff about me, Why don't they just let me live?

Another day, another tale of rape and another ticking bomb to bury deep and detonate. I’m not the only one who finds it hard to understand, I’m not afraid of God

¡I am afraid of injustice!.

Your misery and hate will kill us all .Do you fight it to the end

                                     (Singing to my killers)

Everyone is so full of shit Born and raised by hypocrites

Hearts recycled but never saved From the cradle to the grave

Im forgotten they will sacrifice me for the Jesus of your luxurya

Underneath it all they’re just savages in everyone hidden behind shirts, ties and marriages. How could we expect anything at all? We’re just animals still learning how to crawl.

That disease's growing, it's an epidemic I'm scared that there ain't a cure meanwhile the world believes it and I'm going crazy, I cannot take any more.

My memory will carry on and on i carry through the fears

Do or die

Wont explain or say i'm sorry

They´re from a whole  becoming from another world that different dimensión.

Cause my cHips dont lie.

Tell me what’s wrong with society

Is everybody going crazy? Is anybody gonna sell my house?  Can anybody tell me what’s going on?

Tell me what’s going on cause If you open your eyes  You’ll see that something is wrong.

                                      Part. III: SUICIDAL ACTS.

I.                    PILLS

Me and my head high and my tears dry my odds are stacked

Why am I doing this to myself? Losing my  in don a tiny error

Don’t lose who you are, in the blur of the stars! Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

¡Im not their Twisted Trans(gender)istor!

II.                  BLOOD

But since you been gone I can breathe for the first time

I’m so moving on yeah yeah Thanks to you, now I get what I want

III.                WATER

I'll go back to black, we only said (nothing) with words I died a hundred times

Im not your Everybody's fool, I just wanna live and i don't really care about the things that they say i don't really care about what happens to me

IV.                THE SILENCE

IM NOT Jesus of (your Luxurya) Suburbia, I come alone and alone Ill die

°°°

                                      Part. IV TO FAKING LOVERS.

He (or She), you’re an alien,

if you loved me, you would be here with me

and I'm sick of the lies, and you're too late.

So don’t bother, me I won’t die of depression, I promise myself  won’t ever see me cry

Don’t feel pitty but he’s waiting the ring you gave to his will lose its shine

So don’t bother, be unkind

                                       Part: V. UNHOLY PRAYERS

I

All my life I've been so lonely

All in the name of my goals

Still, you'd like to think you know me.

II

In the religion of the insecure I must be myself, respect my youth.

III

¡No, not gonna die tonight Ive gotta stand and fight forever!

IV

I'm not ashamed, I'm gonna show my scars,

V

How long must I wait? 'Till you learn that it's too late

How long must I cry?'Till you know that i really tried

How long must I try?'Till you learn that my dreaming's hard

How long must you dream?'Till you heal my bleeding soul

Never mind my bleeding soul

VI

Cause London calling, London calling, London is calling with his bridge broken by that fallen pedestal.

VII

And no matter how hard you try

I'll always belong in the sky.

                        Part: VI AGAINST manly GIRLS VS  girly BOYS

¡Im not pretty boy im just a girl not a héroe!

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me. through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.

¡Hey you, hey you, devil's little sister!

I don’t mind, let you down easy but just give me time If it don’t hurt now but just wait, just wait a while. Ain't it fun? Living in the real world. Ai'’t it good? Doing all alone

Ain’t it good to be on your own? Ain’t it fun you can't count on no one? Ain’t it good to be on your own? Ain’t it fun you can count on no one? Ain’t it fun? You see it’s easy to ignore trouble when you’re living in your bubble

Chanel this, Chanel that, Chanal that shit hell yeah

(This is how they do)

Santa Marmota, chique, at La Super Rica Mamazota, stealing tacos, checking out jotties since now they talking astrology, getting their nails did, all Japanese-y this goes out to all you people going to bed with a ten and waking up with a zero.

                                   GIRLY IN VISION:

They so gay and they don't even like boys with their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny feets

You're so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal You're so skinny you should super size the deal

Secretly you're so amused That nobody understands you

¡Like it or not, even though she´s a lot like me!

                               MANLY IN VISION:

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back what happened to the dreams of a girl president?

Where, oh where, have the smart people gone? Oh where, oh where could they be?

They travel in packs of two or three, stupid girls, Push up my bra like that, ¡I don't wanna be a stupid girl!

                           SEXUS CONVEXUS MEXICANUS.

Pretty will you fuck me girl, silly I'm so lucky boy, Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid faggot!

Pretty would you fuck me boy, silly I'm so lucky girl, Pull my head and suck it girl, stupid lesbian!

¡So fix your eyes and get up! Yes, No's, egos, fake shows

Couldn't take the blame, they are sick with shame must be exhausting to lose your own game selfishly hated, no wonder you're jaded

I'm so glad that I'll never fit in, that will never be me

And after all I’m glad that I’m not their type

       Part. VII GNOME KINGSLANDING VS ARROGANTS TALLEST IVARIES.

The knife wants to slit me

You had to have it all, Well have you had enough? You greedy little bastard, You will get what you deserve. When all is said and done, I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become. You think you've won this fight, you've only lost your mind.

When you're gone we want you all to know, I'll carry on and in my heart I cant contain it

¡Land of make believe That don't believe in me, Land of make believe that I don't believe in me and I don't care!

It's me versus everyone else

                                   Part. VIII: CRYING IN THEIR HATE ABYSS.

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading so sick and tired of all the needless beating. Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head.

My prerogative: ¡Cause im born this way and im my hair!

How could I have burned Paradise how could I, my dreams were never mine?

I don't love you like I did Yesterday

[the-antagonistic-bad-guy]

This really hit me because I just got of an abusive friendship with my ‘ex-best friend’ and she was honestly like this with me. To the point I felt guilty not replying to her texts or calls because I was with my family and chose to ignore my phone. And whenever I got upset with her she’d turn it around on me or use something that was happening to other people as an excuse as to why she acted the way she did. I had to step on eggshells from the very beginning because if something happened I was in the wrong. And it really fucked me up. And after our friendship ended because I finally had the guts to stand up for myself and tell her that it was my life and I didn’t have to tell her everything I do. Now the friendship had been bumpy for months because of her boyfriend. That I, and the rest of her and my friends didn’t like because he was incredibly controlling and over all a shitty person, and I hate to say it but I was friends with him for a good while before I realized how abusive he was as well. But that happened before my best friend. And she got so mad when we expressed that he wasn’t good enough for her and that she shouldn’t go back to him because of how much he hurt her. He also lead her on for years before choosing to get with her. Anyway. After our friendship ended, I thought we ended it mutually and maturely. But then I get a call from my brother saying that her boyfriend, who he works with and also doesn’t like because he was rude and proceeded to call me a ‘5 yr old little Bitch’ because I stood up from my friend. (I’m older just to keep that clear he just wanted to start something). And he told my brother that (let’s just call her ‘F’) F told her mother that I was on her Facebook account sending nudes out to guys. (Her mother didn’t want me to talk to her because she thought I was a bad influence because F has done something like this before) and my brother, deity I love him and greatful he’s my brother, replied with ‘well that’s hard to believe because my sister is gay‘ I’m Pan but still, best comeback ever. And honestly? I should have been more upset and I should have cried, but I’m 98% sure I have a slow emotional reaction time because of other things in the past but yeah. I haven’t really felt bad or anything. I mean I regret everything about our friendship but she help me see the ways I don’t want to spend my life. So I guess that’s an important lesson.

Also please never think that your friends can’t be abusive like in romantic or family relationships because they can be. And sometimes even more so. Don’t be afraid to cut ties with them if they’re toxic. And don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. And never be afraid to talk to someone. I’m hopefully starting therapy soon and I’m actually very excited to talk to someone and help better myself because I’m finally letting go of all the toxicness and bad things in my life. I’m finally gaining standards for how I’m treated. And I’m no where close to the place I want to be but I’m trying and that’s all that matters. Please remember that things like this take time. But also don’t wait till it’s too late to do anything about it and you end up filled with regret.

here’s a hard pill to swallow: abuse does not just exclusively occur in romantic or family relationships. friends can be just as toxic to your physical and mental wellbeing as a partner or a family member. also, the aftermath of being in an abusive friendship can be just as traumatizing as any other abusive relationship. don’t boo me i’m right 

[artificialqueens]

City of Stars Ch. 7 (Pearlet) - Leatwerpenn

A/N - Hi everyone. I have a pretty crazy week next week so i’m posting now just in case I don’t have time! Apologies for some of the errors in formatting the previous chapter. Some stuff was bold that shouldn’t have been. Very confusing!

Anyway, another chapter. It is now summer, and again, slight smut warning.

Enjoy :)

Chapter 7 (2011) 5 Years Before. LA. Summer.

Matt lay lounging on Violet’s bed as she sat, butt naked, applying make-up for that day. They were going out into downtown LA to look at perspective places for Matt’s bar. Jason had awoke feeling like Violet today, so, she painted her face to perfection while Matt watched in fascination.

“One day, will you paint me?” Matt asked timidly as he watched Violet apply false lashes. She turned and flashed her beautiful smile at Matt.

“Of course dork. Oh my god, I’m so excited!” Violet said, as she completed her transformation. She then stood up and placed a messy lipstick coated kiss on Matt’s lips. She then looked back to admire her work. “I don’t think red is your colour.” She laughed, returning back to her mirror to check her lipstick hadn’t smudged.

Matt rolled out of bed and made his way to Violets bathroom. A lot for Matt had changed in the short time they had been together. He had quickly gathered his belongings and had moved in with Jason and Violet. Kurtis was now living with Patrick, so the timing couldn’t have been better.

His piano was now located in Kurtis’ old bedroom, along with his collection of jazz memorabilia. Apart from that, Matt didn’t have many belongs to call his own. He was gutted that Courtney insisted that she keep most of their vintage car collection; but she had let him keep his favourite. He promised to pay her back when he could, which she agreed to. For that, he was thankful.

Matt looked at himself in the mirror while he waited for the water in the shower to heat up. He looked different… Happier and more confident in himself. He found his heart constantly felt warm these days.

He showered and wrapped the towel around him. It hung low on his hips as he swaggered back into the bedroom to get changed. Violet was now sitting ready for the day, on her bed with piles of paperwork spread across it. She had a determined look on her face as she continued to work. Matt thought she was her cutest when she concentrated. She bit her lip. Fucking adorable – He Thought.

Jason didn’t end up getting the part that had been spoken about in ‘Hurts.’ Which he took to heart. Ever since he found out, Jason spent most of his time as Violet. Matt thought he was using Violet as an escape from the rejection. He just hoped they were both okay.

“What you working on today Pumpkin?” Matt asked, as he got changed into his trademark jogging bottoms.

“I’m just trying to figure out this costume change between scenes, I’m considering maybe recording something and having it projected? Or, I could change behind a screen so you could see the shadows? What do you think?” Violet’s eyes looked so golden to Matt in that moment.

Since the rejection, Violet had decided to take things into her own hands. She really wanted to write, produce, direct and star in her own one woman show. She was hoping to combine all of her creative assets and produce a burlesque/cabaret hybrid show. Matt was just happy she was focusing on her own passions after expressing to him how lost Jason left after losing out on the audition.

“I really like the changing idea with the screen actually, especially if you had the lighting right. Could be beautiful.” Matt towel dried his hair as he walked over to Violet.

This was how they got ready most mornings. Talking about their passions, laughing, and making love. They both worked odd hours, but they always seemed to make time for one another. Matt had never felt this way before. Was this what true love felt like?

Matt grabbed his phone from the side and pulled Violet into his lap. He kissed her on the cheek as he held his phone out to take a picture. He didn’t know it yet, but this would be his favourite.

_______________________________________

Violet felt sorry for Matt. They had just been to look at a perspective property and he didn’t get ‘the feeling’.

He had been doing nothing but hunting for properties ever since he and his girlfriend broke up. Matt’s passion had driven Violet to follow her path. She felt like he bought the best out in her.

But lately, Matt had been getting more and more frustrated about the properties not feeling right, or being in the wrong location, or being too expensive. Violet felt Matt’s frustration, as all of the places they had looked at were horrible. LA was overpriced and achievable.

“Vi, I’m seriously considering changing locations. I can’t afford LA. Or, maybe I need another job. God, if I wasn’t so shit at playing piano maybe I could make us more money. Fuck!” Matt rarely got angry, but every now and then Violet saw little sparks of the guy that hollered at her in the traffic that day. This was one of those moments. She giggled at his attempt to be butch.

“Calm down, c’mon. Let’s go to Charlie’s.” She held his hand and stroked the back with her thumb to try and calm him. She placed a kiss on his lips and dragged him towards the car.

Violet loved fussing over Matt. It made her forget her problems. Truth be told, she hadn’t felt like being Jason lately. Jason had really wanted the ‘Hurts’ role he had gone for. He had sat by the phone for days, waiting, praying, that they hadn’t called because they were finally figuring out a script. Turns out, the network the job was for wasn’t interested in having a ‘feminine’ man in the show. Max explained on the phone it wasn’t because he was gay, and that she loved him and wanted to work with him in the future. Jason however, felt like it was another attack from narrow minded people. He felt like he was re-living high school all over again. He and Violet hated it. When Violet had her show figured out. She was going to invite Max, and the network, and she was going to make sure she got a job from it.

She never told Matt the reason why Jason didn’t get the role. But the pain that rejection had caused Jason only made her more determined to succeed.

Violet stared out of the car window as they drove to Matt’s work. She had her hand placed on his, as they drove across the city. She often sat in the bar or danced the night away while Matt worked. He had convinced Charlie to introduce Jazz Night on Tuesday’s; where you could listen to the local talent fight through the form of music till the early hours of the morning. Charlie only allowed you to order from the bar menu on Tuesday’s and Violet loved Charlie’s fried chicken.

She hadn’t felt this happy for a very long time, and as she looked into the night sky out of the car window. All she could see, were stars.

(2001) 10 Years Before. Atlanta. Spring.

“Auntie! Yay!” Jason ran into the golden sunroom and jumped into his Auntie’s arms. He hadn’t seen her for a while. He held tightly onto her as she stroked his back.

“Hey baby boy! Goodness! Look how big you are now! You are not even a baby anymore!” Jason hadn’t seen his auntie in over a year, she was a really amazing performer and had been away from Atlanta for some time.

“I missed you! I’m writing a new song but I just can’t finish it! Will you help me?” Jason’s eyes sparkled whenever he spoke about his music.

“I’m sure you will finish it eventually my little star, or big star now! But first, presents!” She turned around to pull out two items from her bag. His face lit up seeing the two gifts.

“I get two! You shouldn’t have!” Jason took the gifts with delight. He unwrapped them with no haste and she saw his eyes sparkle gold as he looked at the pink key ring of the Eiffel Tower, and the small Chanel bag.

“Auntie… you shouldn’t have! This is so pretty! What is this though? Why would I need a girl’s bag? No boys at school have a bag like this one. They all have Ninja Turtles or Pokemon.” Jason looked at her with curiosity in his eyes. She smiled and laughed.

“Why else silly! To put things in! And look, you can attach the key ring to the side here. You can always remember me as your crazy Aunt, who bought you gifts you might not use just because it was pretty! And these are both from France, isn’t that fancy!” She was laughing as she spoke but Jason, even at a young age, understood what she meant.

“Thank you so much. I’ll keep them forever.” Jason put the purse over his shoulder and proceeded to strut around the living room, composing a song about his new bag.

Auntie Addie glanced across the room to see Jason’s mum smile and mouth a ‘thank you.’

Every time Jason thought about his Auntie, all he could see, were stars.

(2011) LA. Summer.

“Hey Charlie, can I grab a vodka?” Violet took her money out of her Chanel purse and paid for the drink. She sat back and watched Matt play on stage. He was playing in a 5 piece combo tonight. She always thought he looked so happy and free when he played with others. He looked completely different to how he looked when he played alone. When Matt played alone he showed his love for the piano and nothing else, but when he was with others, he showed his passion truly for Jazz.

Violets feet were hurting after all of the walking they had done that day, so she slipped off her shoes and wiggled her toes. That felt good.

She was bouncing her knee up and down to the music when Charlie’s wife, Dela, came and took her hand. Violet had a real soft spot for Dela, as she reminded her of her mother. She was an older lady with a slight 50s style that Violet loved. They had gotten to know each other quite well due to their shared love of everything vintage.

“C’mon doll, let’s dance while the boys work hey?” Violet got up, tripping a little on the way, and proceeded to dance till she thought her feet would fall off.

_______________________________________

Matt loved watching Violets attempt at dancing whenever he played in his combo group. She didn’t quite know how to articulate her long limbs when she danced to a faster beat and it made Matt smile.

He was noticing all of these small things about her that he didn’t notice at first. He loved her laugh. He loved this spot on her collar bone just above her contoured on breasts. He loved smudging off her fake beauty mark with his thumb after they had made love. He knew he was in love with her, he just couldn’t find the right moment to tell her.

Matt had finished for the night and was waiting for Violet to say goodbye to Dela. He thought it was cute that they were bonding. Violet didn’t have many friends and it warmed his heart to see her interacting so well with others . He noticed someone staring at him from across the bar. Where have I seen you before? The man approached and smiled when he got closer. Oh god no.

“Matthew Lent? Oh my god! I knew it was you! I would recognise those skills anywhere.” Standing in front of Matt was Raja. He was someone Matt just considered an acquaintance, they did however, have history. Raja was an amazing Jazz singer, and Matt envied that he was becoming more popular.

“Hey Raja, how have you been?” Matt wasn’t at all interested but he didn’t want to seem rude. He kept an eye on Violet from across the room.

“I’m great! I’m putting a combo group together and our keys just let us down. Spot is open, if you are interested? It’s a paying gig too?” Paying gig? Jesus. I do need the money.

“Really? Wow! I’ll have think about it. I think I have your number, so ill text and let you know?” Matt smiled at Raja. They had never got on, but if it meant getting his foot in the door, he was willing.

“Sure man, see you around. Your girl is smoking by the way.” Raja winked as he left.

Matt’s phone vibrating in his pocket forced him to move his gaze away from staring at where Raja had just left. He didn’t even check caller ID, nor did he realise how late it was for someone to be calling him.

“Sup?” He answered.

“Matthew, long time no speak son. How are you?” Matt’s blood ran cold, as he heard the all too familiar sound of the man he hated most on earth, at the other end of the line.

“Father, hello.” Matt didn’t quite know how to respond. His father always made him feel so nervous. Matt saw that Violet was engrossed in a deep conversation with Dela so he decided to take the call outside. The cold air slapped his face. When did LA become so cold in the summer?

“I just wanted to call to say that I spoke to Mr and Mrs Act recently. So, you dumped one of Hollywood’s most popular actress’. Why?” Well, he didn’t hang around.

“Because I don’t love her dad. I have met someone else. I’m a grown man, I didn’t think I really needed to justify anything to you anymore.” Matt took out a cigarette and lit it. He was starting to shake. He wasn’t sure if it was nerves, terror, or the cold.

“Who is it then? This woman that is better than THE Courtney Act!” Matt’s father sounded irritated on the phone and it was only now that he noticed that he was slurring his words. Nothing had changed.

“Her name is Violet, and she is an up and coming burlesque and cabaret performer, and I love her. To be honest dad, I do not give a fuck what you think. Now, please only call if it is an emergency.” Matt went to hang up the phone when he heard his dad faintly.

“Violet, oh that’s a wonderful name. At least she doesn’t have a name like Alex, James, Jake, you know…” Matt stopped dead.

“Actually, she has a name like Jason but don’t worry about it. Goodbye.” Matt hung up his phone and stared at it for the longest time. A faint smile spread across his face. He heard Violets heels clicking to come and greet him and he felt the warmth return to his heart. He looked up into the sky and all he could see, were stars.

(2001) 10 Years Before. New York. Spring.

“Hey mum, it’s Matty.” Matt sat down at her grave and rested the bouquet of Violets on top of her headstone gently. “You know mum, I still don’t understand why these are your favourite. They smell weird.” He looked down at the ground, sat crossed legged and started picking at the grass.

“So, I’m going to tell you a secret, but I think you already know. I think you knew all along and that’s why you tried to protect me from all of the mean people in the world.” Matt sighed and took a deep breath.

“I think I might be gay. Or at least, I don’t think I’m straight. But I can’t tell dad. Why is this mum? I don’t understand why he’s so against it. He calls Detox a ‘dirty faggot’ all of the time and it really hurts my feelings. I do not think I love Detox. But… I don’t know. Being a teenager is so confusing without you.”

Matt felt tears on his cheeks. He wiped them away with the back of his sleeve

“Why am I not like the others kids in my class? Even Detox isn’t in my year at school so I don’t really have any friends. The only time I don’t feel alone is when I play piano, as I feel like you are by my side.” He laid his palm flatly on the dirt. He could feel her beneath him.

“I love you mum, and I hope one day when I’m older that I will be an amazing parent, just like you were. Thank you for loving me.”

Matt stood up, kissed her headstone and put his hands into the front pocket of his hoody. And as he left the graveyard; he looked up into the sky, and all he could see, were stars.

(2011) LA. Summer.

“Hey, look. I made you something.” Matt looked up from his music book, glasses on and blunt in mouth; from where he was sitting on the couch to see Violet, wearing a sexy black lingerie set with one of his white shirts hung loosely over the top.

Fuck.

The blunt hung from his lips as he stared at her.

Am I high enough to be imagining this?

“You are making me horny. That’s what” he replied. In a low voice. Violet giggled and moved to sit near Matt. She then leaned over to peck him on his cheek, moving his song book to the side. She then held up her drawing proudly for inspection.

Matt studied it with care. “Why does it say ‘Matt’s’?” Matt was looking at what looked like a logo. ‘Matt’s’ was written in a carefully selected script style of lettering with a quaver note as the apostrophe.

Clever. Why didn’t I think of that?

“Because, nobody is going to come to a club called ‘Blunts and Burgers’, especially if you sell fried chicken like I want you too.” She pecked him on his cheek and climbed into his lap. He held her close.

“But I like blunts, and I like burgers.” Matt whined. Violet laughed at his bratty nature. She took the blunt from his mouth and took a couple of drags. She was partial to a smoke every now and then, especially if Matt was involved. He kissed her temple and whispered a thank you into her ear. She meowed in delight.

“This illusion is blowing my mind, but I just have to ask, where in the hell is your dick? It’s so confusing.” He tried to move her panties to the side to have a look and Violet swatted his hand away.

“Look but no touch, this is for you baby.” Violet inhaled another drag of the blunt before stubbing it out in the ashtray nearby. She blew the smoke in Matts face and began to trial open mouthed kisses down his neck, nibbling as she went. Some of Violets make-up was coming off on him but she didn’t mind. She bunched his shirt in her hands as she moved back up and kissed him passionately on the mouth. She continued to kiss him while she undid each button on his shirt. One at a time, very slowly. Stopping only to look at Matt’s blissful face.

She heard soft moans from Matt as she moved down his body. Her knee’s touched the carpet a little roughly, but she liked the feeling. His head was thrown back and his lips were parted slightly.

God, you are perfect.

Violet was now kissing around his belly button, playing with his nipples at the same time. She moved her hands down his chest, grazing her nails back over his nipple as she went.

I’m going to make you feel amazing baby.

She kissed each pelvic bone, leaving red lipstick behind, before starting to palm his erection through his jogging bottoms. “God, Yes!” Matt hissed.

Violet took that as a signal and pulled his bottoms down, freeing Matt’s erection from being confined. She took it in his hands and started to rub the tip with her thumb. She massaged his balls with one of her hands while holding herself up with the other. Moving on, she kissed the top and then took it into her mouth at once. Matt inhaled sharply at the sensation. She began to move up and down, slow and steady. Violet stopped and looked back at Matt. She bit her lip as she did. His brows were crossed in concentration. She was aroused herself, and as she was tucked, it was starting to become uncomfortable. Violet however, liked the sensation and it only made her want Matt more.

She took his length into her mouth and started again, to suck on it. She moved her lips all the way down his shaft until her nose was deep in his pubic hair. She then went just as slow as she moved backwards. Up and down, over and over.

While bobbing her head, she massaged Matt’s balls between her palm. Matt groaned and grabbed her by her hair.

Good job I pinned this shit in good.

Violet increased her pace a little and she could feel Matt’s balls getting tighter in her hands. She pulled back all of a sudden and Matt whimpered at the loss of contact.

Very sexily, and looking at Matt dead in his bedroom eyes; She put her index finger fake nail into her mouth and pulled it off, spitting it across the room. She then put her finger into her mouth, sucking her finger as though it was Matt’s cock. Up and down, looking directly into Matt’s eyes; while she pumped his dick with her other hand.

“’Soon.” Matt rasped and Violet lowered her head back to sucking Matt’s cock. At the last moment, she inserted her finger into Matt’s hole, tapping at his prostate to send him over the edge.

Matt came, moaning a loud “Fucking hell Vi!” And all he could see were stars.

[occupyscifi]

Red state and blue state It was while he was in the bathroom hate-jerking to president Laura bank’s morning address to the nation that American Patriot (formerly named Alex Smith) noticed something weird with his screen. It might have been his imagination, or it might have been the bottle of super power diet pills he’d downed as part of his morning regime – all the better to prepare him for his live cast to his loyal patriotic fellow Americans – but then again it might have been something more. ‘Goddamn Feds, interfering with my feed’ he muttered, one hand on his stars and stripes tattooed member and one hand groping for his Russian issue hacking glove. He’d had that dronexed from a guy who swore he was in deep with one of Putin’s favourite hacking gangs, and it was guaranteed to cut through anything the Feds were doing to his live feed of the president’s liberal ass tirade to the poor working American people. ‘….which is why we have to provide abortion clinics on the corner of every high street’ the president was saying, her sober business suit as always decorated with every goddamn lapel pin from Blue Lives don’t matter to SJW’s united against men but no room for the good old Stars and Stripes. “And remember that our daughters deserve better than…” and at that point the screen juddered again as if hit by old school static interference. But one important thing prevented Patriot from reaching for his encryption scrambler that enabled him to avoid the fakenews networks from making him pay for their fake news biased media sheep feed. For while the image of uber cuck bitch Banks flickered and strobed the background of the Rose garden stayed steady. Her cabinet of assholes, cowards and cucks also wavered – women vanishing and being replaced by older white men before changing back. And yet the security guys required to stop honest Americans from second amendmenting the President to death remained the same. “What is this bullshit?” Said Patriot, sensing conspiracy . After all conspiracy was his trade, there wasn’t a corner of the internet he hadn’t visited in his crusade for the truth. Never mind how many facts he’d been hit with, never mind how many people tried to convince him otherwise once he smelled truth he never gave up till he had the evidence to back up what his gut had been telling him all along. His heart beat faster as he shrugged on the hacker glove. Although his increased heart rate might have been more due to the pills, the bottle of which rested on the cabinet of his palatial bathroom. Its fittings and fixtures had been paid for by the subscriptions of honest Americans upset by the biased expert filled and fact laden un American media. Patriot tapped the glove on the screen that filled most of the bathroom mirror. The reflection of himself, toned muscle and tumescent member, vanished to be replaced by the boring ass stats behind the live feed he had been watching. Unlike a great number of his colleagues Patriot had actually been to college- where he studied computer science- and despite his dislike of experts was something of an expert when it came to deciphering the complex numbers behind the digital images he had been rage-sturbating to. “Okay, so what do we have here?” He muttered, tapping the screen. First he removed the usual subliminal ad routines that were meant to inculcate in him a desire for whatever brands had paid the president's people the highest. Most of them were brands that had sponsored his show, the pill makers and the financial services giants, brands he was happy to use himself. Then he broke the images down into their composite layers and narrowed his eyes. It was a live feed of the White House lawn, that much he could be sure of, and it was also definitely true that the President was there. Patriot raised an eyebrow, he had been hoping one of his favorite conspiracy theories – that Laura banks had died of AIDS before the beginning of her second term and been replaced by a CGI mockup – was true. That theory had got enough traction that her rival in the next election was already using it in his campaign ads. Then again Holden Reston would have used any evidence to try and score a knockout blow against the liberal witch. Not that the lame stream media would ever even give him the time of day. “So what the fuck am I missing?” Said Patriot, grabbing with his other hand a Wellness Super Ass nutrition shake to focus his mind. He popped the can and chugged the caffeinated goodness inside, feeling it fill him with the power of ancient Chinese wisdom and definitely certified brain power. With his gloved hand he tapped more at the screen. There was clearly someone interfering with the source, changing the audio of the address as well as some key visual features – swapping out entirely some figures from the background and making sure that Bank’s face matched her words ‘who the fuck is doing this?” He tapped more and frowned more “and why? Ain’t she liberal enough that someone has to change her words?” He looked closer at the screen, at a chunk of code that seemed to control the whole thing, enabling one of two outcomes. Currently it was stuck on the A signal. Patriot wondered what would happen if he flicked it to B. “Maybe get the goddamn truth for once” he muttered to himself, forgetting that he had always assumed that Banks’ divisive and dangerous liberal rhetoric was already inflammatory enough. With a gesture he flicked the settings onto B, praying that this really was a proper conspiracy and not just his TV fucking with him “here we go. Truth bomb time” “….which is why we have to give every high schooler in America access to the latest military grade firearms” Banks was suddenly saying, her accent having changed mid word from east coast liberal whine to red state cutesy drawl “because folks, the only way to stop a bad eighth grader with a gun is to give a good eighth grader a gun. I mean, c’mon. Giving em recess detentions ain’t gonna cut it, right?” “What the ever loving fuck?” Muttered Patriot, watching in horror as Banks then went on to explain why the US should leave the UN because it was a plot to make honest Americans into gay Muslims. When she began to explain why climate change had been invented by the communists Patriot almost had a joygasm. “Goddam liberal media…” he breathed, a mantra he repeated so often it had almost lost its truth. Well not this time. This time he’d caught them at their game. A game so vast it beggared belief. That they had been changing Bank’s message all the time. That she had been an honest god fearing American, fighting for the red white and blue while all the time the feminazis of Silicon Valley had been undermining her message “this… this is so fucking huge I can’t even…” He scrabbled around for a piece of un-networked media to record this on. Were he in his home studio room in the lower level of the bunker he shared with a hundred or so other survivalists he’d be surrounded by gear for secretly recording data beyond the reach of government goons intent on undermining his constitutional rights. However his bathroom was slightly less well appointed, and as he usually used the place to wash and jerk off in he didn’t like to keep cameras around, even if they weren’t linked online. “Shit, I’m losing it…” he muttered as the screen started to strobe again and the code stream on the right filled with ident numbers that Patriot recognized as being some heavy duty semi sentient subroutine starting to take an interest in what he was doing. The last thing he needed was the cyber Feds sending their digital goons after him. While the bunker – a former minuteman missile silo in rural Kansas- had enough digital protection to match its physical equivalent Patriot had no illusions that it could stand up to a full scale assault. The Fed’s were using the same next gen anti encryption software developed not in the fight against terrorism but the much more lucrative fight against movie piracy. You might fuck with Homeland Security and survive, but fuck with Hollywood and you were going down. Desperately he looked about him, trying to find something with some media storage, no matter how meager. In the networked digital age every household item up to and including the common toothbrush was not only linked wirelessly but contained enough memory to store a record of its users habits, ready to sell onto the highest bidder. However Patriot’s toothbrush was currently out of charge and there wasn’t much else that would be able to record what he needed. Desperately his eyes fell on the box of pills he’d been knocking back. The bottle was pretty much generic, but the smart label on the side had enough computing power to order him more pills every time he had finished the last one. “Shit, shit, shit” Patriot cried, seeing that the all seeing eye of the godless software was about to find out where he was based even through the heavy screens of VPN’s and TOR routers. His thick fingers scrabbled at the label, picking the edge to bring up the contact and slapping it to the screen. With his gloved hand he grabbed at the code, copying as much as possible onto the bottle before the Feds could come crashing through the window “cmon, c’mon” he muttered to himself as he tried to sync the smart label with the screen. As they did so he noticed two things. The first was that the label had changed from ‘PowerBro True American Eagle strength Wake me up to Freedom’ to ‘Earth Mother’s all natural high’ – decorated with a cheery lo fi smiley face and claiming to have been made by hippies in Portland. The second was that the interrupt code was already stored on the label. However before Patriot could make anything of this revelation the screen on his bathroom wall exploded, firing fragments of glass at his unprotected body and blasting him backwards into his bath. His apartment, being fully connected to the internet of things – albeit through enough encryption software to keep a Chinese dissident hidden from his government – then shut down totally plunging him into darkness. The only light coming into the bathroom was from the lounge, where a screen the size of a wall usually showed a live feed of stirring patriotic images from around the states and served as a good backdrop for his casts. Now it just hummed and shone in an unhealthy blue. “Blue screen of death” said Patriot, impressed despite his injuries “now I know that I’m onto some serious shit” “Your system’s fried” said Stetson Cole, fellow bunker survivalist and former Silicon Valley whizz kid that Patriot called in to the ruin of his apartment. He had been thorough in his assessment, and he was certain “and anything on it is fried” “You're sure?” Insisted Patriot “I got backups for my backups. I record everything, you know that” “And they all got fried” insisted the programmer, hitching up steampunk e-glasses and scratching his beard. He’d given up Silicon Valley for the lure of living in an underground bunker and only came to see Patriot because it had been Patriot who’d inspired him to become a survivalist in the first place “dunno what hit your system but it was the equivalent of a nuclear missile. Shit, even those old VHS tapes you got in the back there have been erased. I didn’t even know there was malware that could do that” he shook his head, impressed at the skill involved. “Fuck, I need evidence” said Patriot “if you’d seen…if you could have heard what Banks’ was saying…” “That bitch never said nothing that wasn’t a straight up lie from the mouth of Satan himself” said the programmer, his MIT educated voice sounding skeptical. “No, no she wasn’t like that” Patriot looked around the ruin of his bunker apartment. The curved wall ran along the inside edge where once a missile would have sat snugly, waiting for a chance to end the world that had never come. Patriot had decorated in lots of pinewood and hunting accessories in homage to American survivalist from ages past. The walls had been hung with prints of patriotic martyrs, from Bundy to Mcvee to Jared Kushner. However the explosions of the screens had torn these from the walls too. Patriot gritted his teeth, this was more than a patriotic man could bear. He had paused long enough only to put on a pair of Stars and Stripes undies before calling Stetson on his old ham radio “she sounded honest. Sounded American. Sounded like the kind of woman we should have running the country” “Well she don’t sound like that to me” said Stetson “Cause they interfering with what you've been streaming, Stet” insisted Patriot “they got us all fooled. Even me. Till now” “Gonna need more than your bathroom story I’m afraid, old friend” “Well there is one thing” said Patriot, pulling out the bottle of pills “Earth Mother’s natural High?” Said Cole “my wife takes those, gets them from some liberals pharmaceutical place” he looked at Patriot worriedly “didn’t have you down as the wellness type. It’s all juju berries and hippy crap. Thought you’d be a PowerBro man like me” “I am” said Patriot “and this was a powerbro bottle. Till I tried to interface it with my screen. Now its got all this crap on it” he picked at the side “but I kinda fried the circuit along with the rest of the house. Was hoping you might be able to get something from this” “No chance brother” said Stetson “whatever data was on it is long gone. It’s as fried as the rest” “no, no but that don’t matter” said Patriot “cause whatever code was fucking with my screens was on these pills too. So I guess if we just buy another bunch..” “I got some in my apartment” said Stetson “And I got my wife’s hippie crap if you wanna compare” “make it scientific, yeah” said Patriot, who had long railed against the scientific method as un American. However in moments like this it hardly mattered. There was a higher truth at stake. Cole's apartment was, if anything, even more stereotypically survivalist than Patriot’s. The only difference in the Deer Hunter aesthetic was the nerd shrine that was a requirement for anyone who’d made a buck in Silicon Valley. Ancient Apple II’s jostled with illegally made knockoffs of first generation Star Wars toys. There was also marked evidence of feminine inhabitation, which Patriot sniffed at. Letting a woman inhabit a man’s space was the first step towards being a cuck. Next thing you knew you are acting like an SJW and mailing your balls to the Feminazis. “in here” said Cole, featuring to a room filled floor to ceiling with stacks of computer hardware. Enough cabling to garrote a giant connected to more computing power than had put the Chinese on Mars. He sat and placed on a desk the bottles of PowerBro and Patriot’s slightly crisped bottle “should be able to crack this in no time” However two hours later they were no closer to getting the code, both Patriot and Stetson having taxed their expertise to the limit. Patriot was getting antsy. He had a show to tape and he wanted to be able to bring down the government before the evening. “why the fuck isn’t this working?” muttered Patriot in frustration “ can’t even find the code at all” “Hey, I mean look” said Stetson looking awkward “s'no shame to admit you had a fugue. You know we all get em. I trashed my screen after I took too much PowerBro and tried to complete Call of Booty on dead man mode. I was hallucinating them zombie Nazi strippers, y’know. We’re dudes. Sometimes we fuck up...” “Hey, what the fuck?” said Patriot, looking furious “the fuck makes you think I have breakdowns?” “Umm, cause on your show.. “ said Cole “what do you mean…” began Patriot, then thought again. He did act like he was on the edge of a breakdown, jumping around like a lunatic and spitting as he talked. But that was just the standard Alex Jones rant mode that every shock jock, right and left always used “shit, you know that’s all scripted, right? I don’t actually get so mad I tear my clothes. And I don’t wanna burst your bubble but when I start spitting blood, that ain’t real blood” “I just thought…” began Stetson, chastened somewhat “You know, it’s showbiz. Don’t mean I don’t mean all I say. Now we gotta crack this shit or else the bad guys gonna win. You wanna say that you let the traitors get away with it?” “no I don’t” said Stetson. Looking again at the bottles “Okay, there is one person I can call to help us. But I don’t think you’re going to like who it is” “listen, I don’t care what kinda asshole guy you get to do this. Just call him and get us our code” “We’ll that’s just it” said Stetson “isn’t a him. She’s a she” “Okay, I can deal with that. But she tries some SJW crap then I ain’t gonna hold back…” “nah, she won’t” said Stetson, then raising his voice “honey, could you come in here a moment? We got something we need a little help with” Stetson wife was just about acceptable to Patriot, her only flaw being that she was a hot woman who dressed in a casual way. Naturally Patriot knew women only wore makeup to attract and beguile men to do their bidding, but he felt Mrs Stetson Cole could have worn more. However she greeted him with a smile and a nod. “I watched your show” she said, her voice carefully neutral “it’s pretty… illuminating” she smiled politely. “Ella hate watches it” admitted Patriot “she gets real worked up over it” he looked sheepish, not least because when his wife got that angry the sex was out of this world. For that he could easily forgive the completely opposite views of politics. That and the fact they had been in love since they’d first met at a coding party in college. “well hell” said Patriot, who wasn’t surprised. He knew his demographic figures well enough to know that probably as many people watched him to get angry at him as did to get angry and with him. “one subscriber is as good as another. Keeps the wolf from the door and all that” Stetson explained the situation to Ella and handed her the bottle of pills, she turned them over in her hands. “You know these are the exact same pills, right?” She said “I mean the bottles sure look different but the pills inside are identical” “Bullshit” said Patriot “I been sponsored by powerbro pills long enough to know…” “Identical” insisted Ella “to the point where whenever Stetson runs out of powerbro I just sneak a couple of my bottles into his bathroom cabinet. Label changes automatically” “You’re shitting me” said Stetson “how their fuck does that work?” “That's…that's it. Must be it anyway” Said Patriot “cause, don’t you see? They got a code on there that changes what people see. I read about that” he tried to think which particular conspiracy site he’d seen that had told him. Then he remembered it had been in the Wall Street Journal, a magazine he’d never admit to reading because it was part of the MSM establishment and as close to Satan as you could get. However if you wanted to be a savvy entrepreneur it paid to keep up with things. He took the bottle in his hands “its like with the adverts you see. They aren’t just a bunch of random plugs for shit you don’t need. Every time you pass a smart screen or a smart fridge or whatever it picks up your personal metadata, all those tags you generate every time you buy something online…” “Which is why I ain’t bought on line since I was eleven years old” said Stetson proudly “there isn’t any data that big brother has on me” “Except they’ve got algorithms that can predict with a high degree of statistical accuracy what a man of your age, -occupation and ethnicity would buy” interrupted Ella, idly connecting the labels of the bottles to the nest of machinery. She looked up at Patriot, an annoyed expression on his face. There was a reason he did live casts without a live audience. He hated being interrupted “I did a girl’s guide to semi sentient software programmers” she shrugged “hey, its not all about man hating…” “Yeah, so what happens is that the makers of those bottles see whose looking at them. If its some hippie dippy liberal snowflake it goes all Paltrow. It’s a real honest American patriot then its turns to powerbro” “Sure, okay” said Stetson “but how does that help us show that the US president isn’t some liberal whiny bitch?” “Because clearly she isn’t like that when its some liberal asshole watching” said Patriot “its only red blooded Americans that have to stomach a woman whose feminazi agenda is ruining this country…” “Wait, what?” Said Ella “that doesn’t really make any sense. Why hide the fact of who she is to half the country? Why not just pretend to everyone who she really is?” “Because they wannna laugh at us” said Patriot, imagining his favorite hate image of the east coast liberal elite “in their fancy ass parties quoting The NY Times and talking about how anyone outside a city is a dumbshit redneck. They wanna lord it over us, laughing at us…” “…but what if liberals and conservatives have a conversation about politics? Wouldn’t they find out pretty quickly that Laura Banks isn’t a Liberal? What about…” “Come on darling, you know that don’t happen” said Stetson kindly “you know since the Twitter wars and the social media cleansing people don’t talk about politics face to face. It just ain’t done…” “Yeah, yeah I can see it clearly now” said Patriot, his eyes wide “and it’s just as I thought. A goddamn liberal conspiracy to keep good Americans down and pretend that our president is some godless liberal do gooder. I think it’s about time that the American people knew the truth” he looked at Ella whose eyebrows were raised so high they were in danger of disappearing into her hairline “can you get me that code? Can you show me how it can change what people see?” “Sure I can” said Ella “but I still don’t get how…” “You don’t need to honey” said Stetson patronisingly “cause Patriot’s gonna explain it to everyone, live at 5. That’s the kinda broadcast that could bring down the government” he started eagerly pottering around his apartment “I better get my best clothes ready. I wanna storm the state capital looking good, you know?” “You’ve done the American people a great service, little lady” said Patriot, as Ella wordlessly handed him an ancient looking non networked USB stick with the data on it “and I hope you’re going to be watching” “Wouldn’t miss it” said Ella, but Patriot was already heading out the door so he missed her sarcasm. It was a great show. Patriot hit all his best notes, he grovelled, he growled, he shouted and went so red he was in danger of bursting something. He told the American people everything he about the conspiracy to hide the fact that Laura Banks was really an honest red state American. He was somewhat surprised however when he left his home studio to find someone in his living room. His surprise only increased when he recognised who it was. “spokeswoman Tori” he said to the smiling face of the regime he despised. Every true American knew to hate Tori Al-Sperring. She had been the one to hector the media, to pour scorn on honourable news networlds like Foxbart and InfoDrudge. To have the audacity to demand evidence where gut feeling should have been enough. Patriot’s surprise though ended when he saw in her hand a slim pistol. Clearly her repudiation of the 2nd amendment ceased when it came to bumping off honest truthtellers like Patriot. He had guessed, and maybe even a little hoped, that this would happen. After the livecast his suddenly murdered body would only add weight to his words “what a surprise. We’ll I’m afraid you’re too late. The word is out. You leave me dead and it’ll only prove me right” “Two things” said Tori, her voice clipped and naturally bitchy “number one, if we wanted you dead we’d have killed you soon as you caught the code. Secondly the word may be out but the word is wrong. So wrong in fact you’re kinda doing us a favour” her smile widened “not for the first time, by the way” “so what’s the gun for?” asked Patriot, wiping sweat away from his forehead this was not caused by the stress of the situation, but from his livecast. He was a very active performer, what with the studio lights, the foaming at the mouth and screaming about how honest Americans were being genocided by liberal hate he was quite exhausted. “same reason anyone has a gun. To look cool. To make people listen” “Okay, so I’m listening” said Patriot, plonking himself down on an easy chair “what are you going to tell me?” “the truth” she said “a concept you may have heard of, but I don’t think you have much contact with” “and the truth is what? That you got the real Laura banks hidden away while we have to listen to the fake bullshit liberal one? Cause I ain’t stupid. I know how easy it is to cook up liberal shit. There’s meme generators on the internet more believable than the liberal crap she comes out with. I could do better. I’m amazed no one but me has noticed that it ain’t the real Laura banks” “Well this might disappoint you” said Tori, idly spinning her gun around her finger “but they’re both as false as the other. There isn’t a real Laura banks. You get a choice, either liberal Laura or conservative Laura. Take your pick” “Wait, what?” “It’s simple. You were half right. We do use algorithms to write her liberal speeches. But we do the same fir her conservative ones. Basic algorithms overlays all the broadcasts she makes, some of them are for a conservative audience, and others for a liberal one. It’s a trick as old as TelePrompter. And saves us a ton of work” “So what you're saying” growled Patriot “is that the Laura banks I been hating on is the one that liberal want to be watching? That I should have been getting gun tooting Laura all along?” “Oh no” said Tori “quite the opposite in fact. You get liberal laura because you’re conservative. If you were some latte sipping liberal on the East Coast you’d be getting wall to wall Mexican hating small government loving god fearing laura” “What's the fucking point of that?” Said Patriot, totally lost. He could get his head around the idea of. A virtual president, hell there’ been rumours of that since Trump’s second term. Some of old orange Julius’ insults had started going on repeat and there were plenty whispers that he’d had one Trump steak too many and died of a heart attack. His aides had just used some off the shelf adobe program to stitch bits of old speeches together and hope no one noticed. As for twitter there were enough random Trump tweet generators to keep the old man’s legacy going forever. But it was just the idea that whoever was secretly running the government was giving people a president they hated was just beyond him “you mean you make sure that everyone sees a president they fucking hate? Why?” “C’mon American” said Tonos “I’ve seen your show. You more than anyone know the power of hatred. You think if on your show you gave thoughtful deconstruction of liberal arguments that anyone would watch? You think if you didn’t pander to the lowest prejudice people would still subscribe?” “Well, yeah” said Patriot “but I give people what they want. They're already angry. I give ‘em something to be angry about. Don’t know why the fuck you make us watch something we hate” “Seriously?” Said toni “you mean to say you’ve never hate watched something? You’ve never deliberately tuned into a channels, viewed a live cast or seen a movie knowing it would make you angry and then just did it anyway?” “I might” he said, his eyes narrowing “And, hand on heart now, how many of your viewers do you think are what you would call ‘card carrying liberal ass wimps’?” “I got a few” he admitted “More than a few” said Tori “remember, I’m from the big bad people who run the Government. We know everything about you, including your show stats. Last time I checked you had more than seventy percent of your audience share coming from locations described as liberal, and from households where average data suggests a heavy voting average towards your hated liberal agenda” “Yeah, I don’t get how that means you make the President an asshole” “Because to be honest everyone wants the president to be an asshole” said Tori with a sigh “look, I represent a shadowy cabal of Silicon Valley billionaires and other dark money industrial barons. When we took over running the government it was the end of the second Trump term – and yes, you were right. We did replace the old bastard, but not because he died but because he couldn’t hack being president any more. Being a businessman he sold the office of President to the highest bidder. Luckily that happened to be us – and we outbid the Russians by a hair only. Anyway when we took over we thought the American people had had enough of hating on each other, they were exhausted by division. Defeated after fighting each other at every turn. They were sick of blue state and red state, republican and democrat. They wanted a uniter and not a divider and so we gave it to them” “What, you mean Buckwheat was your guy?” “Buckwheat wasn’t real” said Tonos “he was a bunch of code and an actor we’d mo capped to get the moves right. But more than that he represented what every focus group, left and right said they wanted. He was the middle bit of the venn diagram where even the most divided American could agree. He was pro second amendment but could talk round the gun lobby. He was anti abortion but he did more for women’s reproductive rights than any president. He was a church going Christian who was at home chatting with atheists. He was…” “The most boring goddamn president ever” interrupted Patriot “no fucker cared what he was doing. He didn’t have no opinions, he was always been the nice guy. Always talking when he should have been kicking ass…” “Yeah, that was what everyone seemed to think” said Tori “Buckwheat had the lowest approval ratings of any president since post 1929 Herbert Hoover. But no one knew why. You asked people on the street their opinion of him and they’d shrug, like yeah, he seemed like an all right guy, but no one gave a fuck. No one supported his policies, but then again no one really opposed them” “Hey, I’d have thought if you'd were running the government that’s exactly the kind of patsy you’d want. Don’t rock the boat. Cause apathy is the real enemy of democracy…” “Yeah, it isn’t” said Tonos “and you forget. We bought the presidency. The presidency is a brand and we need our guy front and centre of everything. If people don’t care about politics they don’t read the news. They don’t share click bait bullshit articles. They don’t argue online for hours. They don’t even buy stupid goddamn shirts and they certainty don’t contribute to election campaigns” Tori shook her head “no, Buckwheat was one of the most expensive goddamn mistakes we ever made. And so when his first term ended we knew we had to do it properly. Cause we’d realized, like you, that hate sells. But the problem was how do you launch a president that no one likes? I mean, sure, we didn’t have to worry about the votes because we just fixed whatever numbers we wanted. But how do we create a president that every American, no matter their creed, thinks is a fucking number one asshole?” “Pretty fucking easily” said Patriot, seeing now how it was done “you’d just have to get access to their news feeds and their social media history. Search for keywords that really pushed their buttons and you get an algorithm to do the rest” he shrugged “hell, I thought about doing the same thing for my show, but you know I’m a craftsman. People start to notice after a while if you get a computer to do your hating for you” “Naturally, and I respect that” said Tori “which is kinda why I’m here and not some black bag assassin ready to shoot you down” “Err, what?” Said Patriot, looking fearfully around “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Banks is getting a bit repetitive. Hating on the same imaginary conservative fears that no actual liberal believes in. The same is true, if you’d ever watched, about conservative laura. The hate hits are dropping off, the number of people hate jerking to her has gone way down, to almost Buckwheat levels in some places. We need some new writers, because the computers are not enough. In short, we need someone like you to come and write content for our Banks” “and if I say no?” “like I said, I represent a shadowy cabal of silicon valley billionaires and industrial barons. How do we usually deal with our problems?” “I dunno, outsource them to India?” “Funny, but no” tori leaned closer “what will happen is that I shoot you in the face, here and now. Then some of our guys will come in and plug into your network. A CGI version of you will keep broadcasting, so that all your fans and haters think you are still alive. But because we’re cruel we’ll make sure that over time you become less and less believable until gradually all your audience will desert you. Then we’ll announce that you died, and in the most embarrassing way possible. It’ll probably involve cocks. I haven’t thought about it yet” she smiled as Patriot through about his options “on the other hand you can make an ass ton of money and we’ll even let you keep your show. The choice is yours”

[ffallin-all-in-u]

You were a part of everything, and the bond that was nothing more than an innocent friendship turned into something bigger – for me.

The day i realized i knew i was fucked,cliché isn’t it? The gay girl falls in love with her bestfriend. It’s quite a sad tale

I knew these feelings were forbin so why do i have them? Why won’t they go away?

I’m helplessly in love with my bestfriend who has a boyfriend. She loves him and i love her. I hate the guy with my guts but i think you know why.

All of the road trips, therapy sessions, late nights spent with her messed with my feelings.I thought i could escape them i really did but i was a fool to think so. How do people do it? Sit and watch the person you love tear themselves apart for someone else? I couldn’t and i still can’t, it breaks me. So why does she do it?

I could love her right ,i can. I’d dance with her in the middle of the night till we get tired. I’d hold her hand during scary movies. I’d make that beautiful smile permanent. I want to kiss her a thousand times a day. I wanna be there for her when she gets a nightmare. I wanna show her her much i love her. I want to sit and bake cookies with her. I want to die laughing looking at baby pictures with her.I want her to feel like a fucking princess. I want her to never undermine her work. I want her to know how much i appreciate her.

I feel in love with her in a thousand different ways. I fell in love with her smile and her goofiness. I fell in love with the birthmark on her chin. i fell in love with the way she scrunches her nose when she laughs. I fell in love with the way she makes me feel. I fell in love with her adventurous side. I feel in love with the way she carries herself.

i just need someone to help me. I wanna be her girlfriend but most importantly i wanna be there friend. so how? how do i become just friend with someone who i’m in love with.