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heydorothea009 · 9 months ago

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Bread on Toast - A Future Man Fanfiction

Josh Futturman and his fellow coworker and best friend, Liv Branson, get roped into saving the world as time traveling saviors with, what were thought to be, video game characters, Wolf and Tiger. Not only are Liv and Josh completely incompetent, but they are also emotionally inept- will this cause the destruction of mankind? Only time will tell.

Warnings: strong language, (this is probably the episode you all have been waiting for) Josh puts on lingerie (and looks hot while doing it), alludes to Kronish and Leslie having sex, hijinks are about to ensue

Chapter 8: Operation: Fatal Attraction

A/N: hey party people, just wanted to pop in and tell you this is my favorite chapter :p

Tiger threw Josh to the ground faster than he had time to react. All of the sudden his back hit the ground and it knocked the wind out of him.

“Tiger!” Liv cried, also shocked.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Tiger yelled, stepping on his chest. “This was not the plan. You’re fucking up the plan!”

“This day was the turning point in Kronish’s life!” Josh gasped. “He was going to give it all up and sail away with his one true love, Leslie! Instead he stayed with his wife and kept doing research. It’s his biggest regret-“

Tiger rolled her eyes at Josh’s blabbering. “Wolf! Help me stand on his chest!” She called to Wolf, who was still excitedly checking out the Corey Hart poster.

“Tiger! Off his chest!” Liv snapped her fingers as if Tiger were a dog. “Let him breathe!”

“I thought you weren’t happy with him.” Tiger said flatly to Liv. “Why don’t you help me stand on his chest.”

“Tiger, let him speak!” Liv marched up to Tiger, ready to push her off of Josh’s chest, but realized she might suffer the same fate if she did that. Josh tried to sit up but Tiger just pushed him right back down with her boot.

“Tiger,” Josh’s voice cracked. “You said that if there was a way to save the world without killing anyone you would do it. This is a way.”

Tiger pursed her lips as she considered this. “How do we get him on the boat?” Tiger shot Liv a glare as she inched a little too close. “He gets to get up if he can come up with an actual good plan.” She hissed to Liv, who shrunk away, giving Josh an apologetic look.

“We already know Kronish is having an affair with Leslie. So, we just need to expose that-“

“Difficult.” Tiger interrupted, placing her hands on her hips and shaking her head down at him.

“-which will blow up his marriage-“

“Speculative .”

“-which was bad anyways because Marigold was already cheating on him too-“

“Hearsay.”

“-which would give him the push he needs to leave. It’ll be a win-win for everybody!” Josh finished, sounding positive. “It’s gonna work. Trust me, alright? We’ll go back to 2017 to a world with no Kronish Labs…and if there is, well, there’s always a baby to kill in 1949.”

Wolf wandered back to the group holding two ice cream cones, offering Liv one. Tiger caught Josh’s attention again by slightly digging her heel into his ribs, making him wince.

“If you time trick us again, I'll burst your nut sack.” She stated, taking her foot off his chest.

Josh’s expression fell as he instinctively covered his crotch. “…okay…” he mumbled, sitting up. Liv held out a hand and helped him to his feet as she licked her ice cream. “Hey, Wolf,” he looked at Wolf, who was licking his ice cream as well. “We need some wheels.”

Wolf stopped licking the ice cream. “Oh, I’ll get you 100 fuckin’ wheels.” He said, growing excited.

“Oh, uh, no, we just need four. On a car.” Josh said, glancing at Liv again, who glanced at him too, trying to suppress a smile behind her ice cream, probably at how giddy Wolf seemed to be. Josh couldn’t help but grin too, her smile was contagious.

“On it.” Wolf nodded, diving back into the chocolate ice cream.

“Is that good, Wolf?” Liv giggled. Wolf was on cloud 9, he’d never had ice cream before.

“Fuckin’ delicious.” Wolf looked like he was making out with the ice cream. Liv snickered and scrunched her nose, going back to her own ice cream. Josh’s eyes were still stuck on Liv. He had no thoughts in his head, he’d even forgotten where they were for a second. He just watched Liv giggle at Wolf. He liked her laugh.

“What else?” Tiger’s harsh voice snapped him back to reality.

“We’ve, uh, we’ve got some shopping to do.” Josh said, looking back to Tiger, her eyes piercing into his.

“What.” She grumbled.

“I’ll explain when we get there.” Josh said.

“Are we going to get, like, era appropriate outfits, because we look stupid, Josh.” Liv said, referring to the janitor uniforms they both were wearing.

“Uh, if you want?” Josh shrugged. “You don’t look stupid though, Liv, I hope you know that.” Wolf hummed happily, licking some melting ice cream off of the cone. Tiger sharply exhaled through her nose and slapped the cone from Wolf’s hand. Wolf looked down at the ice cream, stunned. Tiger slapped Liv’s from her hands too and marched away. Liv frowned.

“Tiger,” Wolf growled. “I was licking that.”

“I don’t give a shit.” Tiger snapped as she stomped away.

“Jesus,” Liv muttered, trying to wipe chocolate ice cream off of her jumpsuit. “What’s her deal?”

Wolf sauntered after Tiger, and Josh and Liv fell slightly behind. “I thought I came up with a good plan, she stopped stepping on me.” Josh mumbled to Liv.

“Oh…she might still be moody from the police station.” Liv whispered.

“Maybe.” Josh whispered back. Tiger whipped her head around to glare at them.

“Could you walk any fucking slower? Come on! We don’t have all day!” She lashed. Liv and Josh both sped up. As they both walked closer to Tiger and Wolf, their hands brushed. Liv’s immediate response was to move her hand away, acting like she just needed to scratch her arm. Josh’s hand lingered for a moment as his brain buffered. He slowly copied Liv, moving his hand away and pretending he needed to rub his eye. Wolf stopped in his tracks and turned around.

“Okay Liv, you and me need to go find us a sweet ride.” He beamed.

“Actually!” Josh blurted out, louder than he’d meant to. “Wolf, you can do this on your own.”

“Are you sure?” Liv asked skeptically.

“Yeah!” Josh awkwardly folded his arms.

“I can go by myself?” Wolf asked, sounding stunned that Josh trusted him. Tiger pursed her lips and looked annoyed.

“Fine.” She gave an annoyed huff. “Wolf, get us a car.” She glanced at Josh and looked him up and down. She then glanced at Liv, then back to Josh, realizing she was about to be third wheeling. Wolf took off running.

“I won’t let you down!” He shouted as he ran off.

“Where are we going Josh?” Liv asked, combing her fingers through her hair. Josh stared at her for a moment. Liv gave him a weird look, making him blink and look at the ground. Tiger groaned. Yeah, she was third wheeling.

“Okay, so, we need to find a lingerie store.”

The moment they walked up to the adult shop, Liv started to separate from the group.

“Liv, where are you going?” Josh asked, sounding panicked. He didn’t want to be left alone with Tiger and surrounded by lingerie.

“We’re getting weird looks, I’m going to get an era appropriate outfit.” Liv said.

“Smart.” Tiger stated from behind Josh.

“Liv, can’t you wait?” Josh whined, he didn’t feel comfortable picking out lingerie for Tiger. He called his plan “Operation: Fatal Attraction”, like the movie, Fatal Attraction.

“Josh.” Liv sighed and pointed to the clothing store next door. “I’ll just be in there. You’re a big boy, go and pick out lingerie.” She poked him in the ribs. Josh’s stomach flip flopped and his cheeks flushed as she turned and walked into the neighboring store and stared longingly after her.

“…you’ve gotta be shitting me.” Tiger murmured as she marched into the adult novelties store. Josh snapped back to reality and followed her in.

“Wait- Tiger!”

“Do I seriously have to hang around…” she gestured to all of Josh. “…this right now?”

Josh frowned. “Ouch…”

“This pathetic, sad, little…puppy dog man?” She spat. People around them started looking.

“Tiger, that’s mean.” Josh mumbled.

“You’re a pathetic mess right now.” Tiger hissed through gritted teeth. Josh looked like a deer in headlights as she leaned down to his level. “Stay hard.”

“What?”

“Stay hard.” Tiger repeated. Josh blinked obliviously. “Stop staring at Liv.” She squinted her eyes at him. “You’re supposed to stay focused.” Josh went beet red and turned to a rack of bras and started looking through them without responding. Tiger let out a heavy sigh and put her hands on her hips. “…sorry.” She hesitated before saying it, she wasn’t usually one to apologize and she wasn’t sure why she felt the need to do so, but she did. She took another deep breath in and out. “Let’s just get this job done. Why are we here in this skimpy clothes store?”

“It’s like the movie Fatal Attraction, you’re playing a psycho mistress like the one played by Glenn Close, but you will be posing as Leslie. In the movie she has sex with Michael Douglas, who’s like Kronish. We’re going to go into Kronish’s house, take some sexy pictures of you on his bed, leave it there for his wife to find, affair exposed, marriage over, future saved.”

“Or,” Tiger said, picking up some red knee high nylon socks. “We put a gun to his head and make him get on the boat.”

“No Tiger, we can’t force him. It has to be on his own free will, okay?” Josh shook his head, picking up a corset as holding it up to Tiger’s body. She tensed up and pursed her lips. “That looks right, right?” Josh muttered.

“Don’t touch me.” Tiger slapped the corset away and rolled her eyes.

“What about this robe?” Josh studied a pink lace and silk robe.

“I literally don’t care.” Tiger huffed. “Just get something and let’s get this over with.”

Tiger was annoyed the rest of the time while Josh held up different bra options for her to wear asking questions like “what size are you?” (She didn’t know) “what color looks best on you?” (She didn’t care) “Would you be willing to wear assless chaps?” (She was 5 seconds away from strangling Josh with said assless chaps).

“Why can’t Liv do this?” Tiger finally complained, slapping a thong out of his hands.

“Because-“ Josh froze. The very thought of Liv in any of this was too much for his brain to handle. “Because, you’re doing it.” Josh choked out. Tiger groaned. “Tiger, just go with me here, okay?” Josh sighed, making his way over to the section with lipsticks on display.

They bought the items they’d picked out and met Liv outside of the shop, who was wearing baggy jean shorts and a yellow tank top. She fit right in and Josh thought she looked really pretty. In the most platonic way possible, of course. It’s not like he was falling for her every time he looked her in the eyes.

“So, what is this?” Liv asked, snatching the bag from Josh’s hands and rifling through it. “Josh, are you going to seduce Kronish?” Liv teased, giving him a smug look and pulling out a tube of lipstick.

“Ha. Ha.” Josh snatched the bag back. “No.” He grabbed the lipstick from her hand and stuck it back in the bag.

“I’m psycho mistress, Glenn Close.” Tiger said. “I have pleasure sex with Michael Douglas.” Liv gave her a weird look.

“Fatal Attraction.” Josh added.

“Yeah, I know that movie. What does this have to do with anything?” Liv asked.

“We’re going to take sexy pictures of Tiger on Kronish’s bed and leave them for Marigold to find.” Josh said.

Liv nodded. “Hot.” A red car came squealing to a halt on the street next to them and Wolf proudly got out.

“What the fuck is this?” Tiger grumbled.

“1985 Pontiac Fiero GT, 2.8 liter V6, 140 horsepower, and four fuckin’ wheels.” Wolf proudly folded his arms and leaned against the car.

Tiger looked unimpressed. “And two fucking seats.”

“Where do Liv and I sit?” Josh asked.

“Liv can squeeze next to Tiger.” Wolf said.

“No.” Liv and Tiger said at the exact same time. They already knew how Tiger didn’t like when Liv sat too close.

“Josh,” Wolf opened the hood of the car to reveal a small trunk that held a man who was bound and gagged.

“Jesus Christ!” Josh gasped.

“Wolf! Did you steal this man’s car?” Liv scolded.

Tiger stepped forward and slammed the hood. “This car is useless.”

Josh turned to Liv with panicked eyes. “Is that kidnapping?” He asked frantically. Liv shrugged and looked equally as panicked.

“We’d be more successful if we took electrodes, attached them to a sewer clown’s nuts and told him to run.” Tiger narrowed her eyes at Wolf.

“Oh what? You wanna sedan? Fuckin- a minivan? We’re gonna look lame!” Wolf argued.

“I’ll make you lame if you don’t return this car.” Tiger demanded. “That’s an order.”

Wolf looked at Liv, as if she would say something different. “Fine.” He seethed when Liv didn't say anything.

“And- and return the guy please.” Josh spoke up as Wolf angrily got in the driver’s seat. Wolf growled and slammed the door. He rolled down the windows and shot Tiger a nasty glare.

“Can a fucking sewer clown do this?” He growled as he loudly revved the engine. He sped away and the tires squealed. The three of them stared after the car for a moment, Tiger looking pissed, Josh looking stressed, and Liv looking scared.

“Okay. We’re walking.” Tiger turned on her heel and started walking down the sidewalk.

“Tiger,” Josh spoke up. “We have to go this way.” He pointed in the opposite direction. Tiger rolled her eyes and walked quickly past Liv and Josh.

“Does she know where she’s going?” Liv whispered to Josh as Tiger walked further and further ahead.

“I have no idea if we even know where we’re going.” Josh admitted quietly.

“He probably lived in the same house in ‘85…right?”

“I hope so.”

There was a few minutes of awkward silence between them, save for Liv and Josh calling up to Tiger when to make a turn. Tiger would throw dirty looks back at them, but would do as they would tell her. She clearly didn’t like being ordered around, even when it was simply just directions to Kronish’s house.

“Hey Liv?” Josh finally said, clutching the bag of lingerie in his arms. “Are you still mad at me?”

“What? Oh,” Liv folded her arms and looked at the ground. “Josh, I wasn’t mad at you, it’s just that I felt embarrassed.”

“Why are you embarrassed?”

“Josh, I really don’t want to talk about it.” Liv sighed. “Please.”

“Liv, I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for bringing it up. I thought Jeri was lying and that it was crazy, I…I just don’t want you to be mad at me.” Josh apologized.

Liv’s body language shifted, uncrossing her arms and becoming less guarded. “I’m not mad at you, Josh,” Liv laughed lightly. “I promise. It’s just…wouldn’t you feel a little embarrassed if someone had told Jeri you’d liked her and she approached you about it?”

Josh nodded and shrugged. “Yeah, good point.”

“This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends, I hope you know. I promise I won’t act all weird now. I don’t ever want to lose you.” Liv said. Josh’s heart swelled as he slowed down and gave Liv a sentimental and sweet look.

“Yeah, same. You mean a lot to me.” Josh looked down at the ground and felt his cheeks get warmer.

Liv bumped shoulders with him as they walked. “I mean, you’re cool I guess. I tolerate you.” She teased. Josh looked back at her, a sappy grin spreading over his face.

“I see it.” Tiger stated loudly, turning right.

Josh and Liv both sped up. Sure enough, the name Kronish was scrawled in cursive along the side of their mailbox in front of their house.

“Rat pot.” Tiger muttered, ducking behind a car. Josh grabbed Liv’s arm and followed Tiger. Tiger went digging through her satchel and pulled out a pair of binoculars, handing them to Josh. “Find an entrance, we can’t just walk in through the front door.”

Josh peeked over the hood of the car with the binoculars. He looked around for a moment, when he saw a little white cat climb up and into an open window. “Bingo. I found our way in.”

Tiger popped up from behind the car, holding her hand up behind the sky and squinting. “Wolf was supposed to be here three fingers ago,” she said, measuring how far the sun had moved with her fingers. Liv and Josh’s eyes bugged out of their heads and they pulled Tiger back down. “He’s never late!”

“Get down, get down!” They both hissed.

“Maybe he got lost.” Josh said in a hushed voice, looking over at Liv, who was digging through the bag and pulling out lipsticks and examining them.

“Resistance soldiers don’t ever get lost, we’re born trackers. He could sniff out a sludge grub in a blood bog 20 kilometers away.” Tiger said. She looked up at the sky as she had a realization. “It’s gotta be the Biotics.”

“There’s Biotics here?” Liv asked.

“Yeah, after all our dicking around in history, they probably put deep cover guards on Kronish at every point in his life.” Tiger sank lower onto the ground. “Shit…he has the TTD. They’re gonna be tracking that.” She muttered. Josh looked over at Liv and they gave each other worried looks. Tiger looked at both of them. “I gotta go find Wolf.”

“B-but Tiger, this is our only shot.” Josh protested.

“You planned this op, you two are going to pull it off without me.” Tiger said.

“But-“ Josh started.

“You've got this. I trust you two, you’ve come a long way.” Tiger said, digging through the lingerie. “Now put on these assless chaps.” She threw some leather pants at Josh and stood up. “Saddle up.” Liv couldn’t help but snicker at Josh’s horrified face.

“Tiger! Tiger, wait!” Josh called after her as she began to walk away.

“And stay focused!” She turned around and pointed to Josh. “Liv! You’re the Josh babysitter now! Make sure you don’t, I dunno, distract him!”

Liv looked confused and blushed. Josh’s face grew more horrified and turned bright red. “I don’t need a babysitter!”

Tiger didn’t respond. Josh awkwardly turned to Liv. “I guess we-“

“Come on,” Liv snatched the pants from his hands and stuffed them back into the shopping bag. They both stealthily snuck across the yard and to the window.

“I’ll give you a boost.” Josh whispered, propping himself up on one knee. He boosted Liv up to the window and she pulled herself up. She awkwardly crawled through and fell right onto the ground in what she assumed was Kronish’s bedroom.

“Okay, Josh, hold on one sec, I- Josh!” Josh came through the window and fell right onto her. “Ow!” She groaned as Josh crashed into her, laying right on top of her.

He quickly scrambled off of her. “Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” His cheeks were burning a bright red. Liv’s whole face was hot and her body felt like it was on fire. “Did I hurt you?”

“I’m okay,” she said, scrambling to her feet. “I’ll-“ she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Um, I’ll go and make sure the coast is clear.” Liv dashed towards the door.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll um…yeah…” Josh started pulling everything out of the bag. Liv snuck out of the bedroom and into the hall. After a few seconds she tiptoed back in.

“House is empty.” She said in a low voice.

A nervous tingle flushed through Josh’s body as Liv walked up next to him and surveyed the lingerie options. He shifted his feet awkwardly. “Okay, so, uh…I guess without Tiger here we can just have you put some of this on and-“

“Woah there,” Liv stopped him, holding up a finger. “Tiger clearly picked you to replace her.” She said, a smug grin spreading across her face. “She threw those assless chaps at you.”

Josh’s face flushed even redder. “Liv-“

“We can make it look like you’re a woman.” Liv said confidently. “Remember? I’m a great photographer.” She walked over to a nightstand and grabbed a polaroid camera. “You’re gonna want a cameraman.”

Josh looked horrified. “No, Liv-“

“You don’t want to see me in any of this.” She laughed walking back over to Josh, camera in her hands. Josh paused for a moment. He glanced at the lingerie and back to Liv. Thinking of Liv in lingerie again made his heart stop and his head feel a little dizzy. “Come on.” Liv said, shoving his arm.

“Are you sure it would work?” Josh asked nervously.

“Put that lingerie on, Futturman. For the fate of the world.” Liv added, bumping his hip with hers.

Josh inhaled deeply and looked back at his many, many options. “Fate of the world.” He muttered. He looked at Liv and rolled his eyes (playfully). “Goddammit Liv.”

“Hey, Tiger’s the one who picked you.” Liv giggled, sitting on the bed.

“I am not wearing the assless chaps.” Josh said loudly.

“Good, I didn’t want you to.”

“You have to turn around, you can’t look.” Josh muttered as he started to sort through the lacy pieces of clothing.

Liv slapped his hand away. “Okay, I don’t trust you to pick out anything sexy here. You’re a boy. Let the touch of a woman help you out here.”

“You could have said man.” Josh pouted.

“Boy.” Liv repeated, picking up some fishnets. “Boy.” She picked up some leopard print panties and snickered evilly.

“At least pick something flattering.” Josh started unzipping his jumpsuit.

“Woah there, Mr. Eager!” Liv stopped him. “Clothes stay on for right now, no one wants to see that!” Josh thought about making a snarky remark about her liking him, but decided against it. He didn’t want to make her mad for real this time. Liv turned around with his first option, fish nets, a tiny little black corset, and the leopard print panties.

“This is the best photoshoot ever.” Liv said to him with a teasing smile. She was so looking forward to how stupid he would look. Josh huffed and took the lingerie from her hands.

“Turn around.”

“There’s a bathroom right there.”

Josh paused and looked into the bathroom. “Just…turn around…” he muttered again. Liv shrugged and turned to the wall.

“Okay, suit yourself.”

“What if I need help getting some of this on?” Josh finally admitted. Liv laughed.

“Then I will help you…depending on what you need help with.” When Josh was sure she couldn’t see, he quickly stripped everything off.

“This is crazy.” He muttered. “This is so, so, so, crazy.”

“Get dressed.” Liv snapped her fingers.

“How do girls wear stuff like this?” He complained, putting on the panties.

Liv leaned her forehead against the wall with her hands covering her eyes. “I dunno, I’ve never worn lingerie.”

Josh paused. “…really?”

“Putting on underwear,” Liv snapped her fingers again. “Feeling sexy and free.” She continued, loudly pep talking to him. Josh huffed and dropped the corset on the ground, picking up the stockings instead.

“How do I…?” He held up the fishnet stockings. “…Liv?”

“Oh God, don’t tell me you need help.”

“Help.” Nothing. “Please?”

Liv hesitated, but turned around and saw the sight in front of her. This was the absolute most she’d ever seen of Josh. She burst out laughing.

“Liv!” Josh whined and held up the fishnets.

“Oh so what? You don’t know how to put on tights?” Liv made her way over to him. Josh’s heart lurched and he got a tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“There’s…a lot of holes…”

She pointed at the stockings. “Put them on like you would put on socks.” As Josh figured out how to put on the fishnets, Liv excitedly went through some of the other things on the bed. “Put these shoes on, your mom told me you could walk in heels.” Josh looked up from adjusting the stocking on his thighs to see Liv holding some chunky heels.

“My mom told you what?”

The heels made Josh about four inches taller than Liv (which was a first, they were the same height). She stood in front of him, putting a layered pearl choker around his neck. Josh’s heart was racing quicker than normal as he felt Liv’s fingers brushing against his neck.

“Looking gorgeous.” Liv teased, twisting the choker around so the clasp was in the back.

“Yeah,” Josh scoffed. “You’re probably loving this.” As soon as he said it he froze. Liv took a step away and gave him a stern look.

“What.”

Josh’s eyes widened. “I just meant- ‘cause- you know? I look like an idiot right now.” He said quickly.

Liv narrowed her eyes at him, studying him, but visibly relaxing. “You’re a very beautiful woman, Josh.” Josh let out a chuckle, feeling his shoulders relax. “This is the best you’ve ever looked.” She teased.

“Oh I bet.” Josh said, picking up the corset again.

“Actually wait,” Liv picked up a lacy little shawl. “Try this instead.” She helped Josh put it on and took a step back to admire her work (and admire her work). “Amazing!” She sang. She picked the camera off of the bed. “Now pose.”

“What do I do?” He asked as she held up the camera to her eye.

“Be sexy.” Liv said.

“Easier said than done,” he muttered.

“Just…pop your knee and put your hands on your hips like this.” Liv demonstrated for him. Josh awkwardly copied. “Okay,” Liv snapped a picture and waited for the picture to develop. Josh wandered over next to her and watched as the photo slowly developed.

“Is that a good one?” Josh asked as Liv took the picture and studied it.

“We’ll figure out once it develops!” She shooed him away. “Go back over there and pose again, I’ll get a couple angles.”

As Liv snapped more pictures, Josh became more comfortable and giddy. Liv made him put on a couple more outfits, including the silky pink robe from earlier with a boa around his neck, a little leopard print number with feather trim and a spiked choker, red fishnets and lacy red shorts, and several others. He’d even attempted a bit of liner on his eyes (which ended up a faded, smudged mess in three seconds anyways. Liv also reminded him his face wouldn’t be in the pictures after he’d decided to do that). He’d caught Liv staring and her eyes lingering on him several times, and every time a surge of tingly nerves shot through him. He was never nervous around Liv. He decided to chalk it all up to the fact he was so exposed and definitely not because he liked the feeling of her fingers lightly brushing his skin as she adjusted his jewelry and his corsets. That was for sure.

Liv was turned around with her face pressed into her hands as he changed again. It looked like a sexy, lingerie tornado had hit the room. The one problem Josh found with putting on the panties was the fact his dick was enormous now.

“Ow!” He yelped, trying to shove everything into place.

“You good?” Liv asked, starting to turn around.

“Don’t turn around!” Josh yelped.

“Okay, okay!” Liv turned back to the wall. Josh did a little hop as he adjusted the underwear. Putting on a blue robe with feathers on the trim, he did a little spin for himself in the mirror, humming to himself. “You can look now.”

Liv turned around and couldn’t suppress a smile as she watched him check himself out in the mirror (she shyly did too). She walked over to him, picking up different chokers from off the bed and holding them up to Josh’s neck, seeing which one she liked best. She was humming too.

“What song are you humming?” Josh asked.

“What song are you humming?” Liv asked as she picked the spiked choker.

“‘Love Shack’.” Josh said, then tensed up, wondering if that sounded weird.

“Ah, the whole shack shimmy.” Liv quoted the song as she clasped the choker and pushed it around. “I was humming ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’.” She said. “By Tiffany.” She added.

Josh gulped as Liv’s fingers brushed down his neck. “That- that is such a good song.” Josh said, red all the way up to the tips of his ears. He was going insane, if Liv adjusted anything on his body one more time, he thought he might explode. At the same time, he liked when she was this close to him.

Liv shoved everything off the bed while Josh figured out how to lace up a corset himself, they were almost done. The last batch of photos they were going to do were ones of Josh laying on Kronish’s bed. Josh sat on the edge of the bed.

“Wait, stay right there.” Liv crouched in front of him, snapping a picture. She stood up and waited for the picture to develop. “Okay, let’s do a couple more and then we can put leave the pictures for Marigold to find.”

Josh sorted through the pictures they already had. “Too much dick…” he tossed a picture behind him. “Oh God, are my legs really that hairy? Nope.” He tossed another one. “Wolf’s dick is ruining most of these pictures.” He muttered, looking up and seeing Liv pretending the bedding was far more interesting than what Josh was saying, cheeks rosy. Josh pried his eyes away from Liv’s blushing face and back to the pictures, blushing himself. “We can sort through these after, let’s take some more pictures.”

Liv stood on the bed with Josh laying in between her legs as the two of them giggled and took more raunchy pictures. “I’m trying to only get pictures without your face.” Liv giggled as Josh made a face at the camera.

“Oh what? Am I too beautiful for the pictures?” Josh asked teasingly.

“If that’s what helps you sleep at night.” Liv giggled. “Mkay, I think…these are good right?” Liv leaned down to show Josh, who was still laying on the bed, the pictures that were developed already. He sat up and looked through them.

“Yeah,” Josh muttered as he went through them. “Yeah!” He looked up at Liv, impressed with her work. “That’s a woman!” He joked.

“Here,” Liv clambered off the bed. “Start looking at the other ones and then put them in here.” She placed an envelope on the bed next to him. “I’ll clean this shit up.”

Josh scooted to the edge of the bed and sorted through the pictures, putting the best ones in there. “Oh Liv, we should seal this with a kiss for Marigold!” He said with a proud grin.

“Yeah, you should do that with the lipstick, put it to good use.” Liv laughed as she shoved the thick heels into the bag.

“Will you…help me put it on?” Josh asked sheepishly.

Liv playfully rolled her eyes and dropped the bag to the ground. “Oh so you can walk in heels but can’t put on lipstick?” She teased, digging out a tube of fire engine red lipstick. “You better hold still.” She knelt on this floor in front of him.

Josh didn’t know what to do with his mouth, Liv put a hand on his cheek to hold his face in place. Josh saw the look in Liv’s eyes as she realized how close their faces were, he probably had the same look in his eyes too.

“Open- open your mouth a little bit.” Liv stammered, blinking a few times. Josh did so and she started to run the lipstick over his lips.

“This good?” Josh asked, rubbing his lips together.

“Uh…” Liv didn’t move away after she finished applying the lipstick to Josh’s lips. Josh didn’t move away either. They both looked at each other, faces just inches apart.

Kiss her. KISS HER! His brain screamed. His eyes darted between her lips and her eyes. It felt like they sat there for eternity, when in reality it was more of an awkwardly silent three seconds. “Do I…do I have something on my face?” Josh asked awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Liv looked like she wanted to move away, but was entranced. Josh’s face was on fire all the way up to his ears. The sexual tension between them was so thick, Josh could slice it open with a knife.

“Sorry…I…” Liv trailed off. She didn’t know what to say. Josh could feel Liv’s shallow breaths against his face. As their noses brushed, Josh’s heart jumped into his throat. He’d never realized how much he wanted to kiss her until right in this moment. His heart was hammering in his chest. Oh God. He liked her. A lot.

Liv’s brain was glitching. “Josh?” She breathed out, still not moving away.

“Liv…I…” Josh whispered. He glanced into her eyes. He’d always thought Liv was beautiful, but right now in this moment, she was everything. She’d always meant so much to him and he’d always thought it was platonic…but the way he could feel her breath on his lips and the way her eyes looked longingly into his, he wanted to throw that all away. He wanted to kiss her so badly. His eyes dropped back down to her lips.

Liv wasn’t thinking about every reason she’d ever shoved down her feelings for Josh, she wasn’t thinking about what would happen after they kissed, if they did. She was thinking about Josh, sitting in front of her with lingerie on and smudged makeup and how she thought he was gorgeous. Her heart was palpitating.

“Liv, can I…kiss you?” Josh breathed out. He moved in, just centimeters closer, aching to close the gap between them. Liv gave a small nod and reciprocated. The tube of lipstick fell from her hand as they both slowly and nervously moved in. His hands gently set themselves on her waist. Their lips shyly brushed against each other.

“My husband is coming home in a few hours…so we don’t have much time…uh huh…” They heard from down the hall. Liv and Josh pulled away with wide, panicked eyes. Marigold had come home and neither of them had heard. “Yes, come over now!” They heard her say. Josh and Liv scrambled to their feet. Liv had a light smear of fire engine red across her lips. Josh sassily threw the feather boa he was wearing over his shoulder as he quickly tiptoed over to the door, quietly opening it just a sliver and peeking out.

“She is having an affair, she’s on the phone with someone.” He whispered loudly to Liv as she feverishly cleaned up the last of their mess and shoved it into the bag. “This is even better than my plan.”

“I’m going out to get some champagne and run some errands so just let yourself in. Wear something sexy.” Josh could hear the smile in Marigold’s voice. He watched Marigold excitedly prance over to the front door, and slipped out of the room.

“Josh!” He heard Liv hiss. He tiptoed down the hall to see if she’d left, when she appeared for a second, back turned to him, to grab something she almost forgot. Josh froze mid step, balancing on one leg as she almost turned around and saw him, but instead just walked out the door.

“Josh!” Liv hissed from behind him. “What are you doing?”

“Meddling.” He hissed back, trying to stealthily sneak into the kitchen, despite the loud clomping of his feathery kitten heels he was still wearing. Liv followed him into the kitchen. While Josh was clearly in meddling mode, she couldn’t get the fact that they had essentially kissed about 2 minutes ago out of her head.

“What’s your plan here?” Liv asked in a hushed voice. Josh picked up the phone that Marigold was talking on earlier.

“I’m calling Kronish’s job,” He said. “To see when he’s coming home.” He opened the phone book next to the phone and pointed to a number that was circled. “Bingo bango.” He muttered. Liv stood close behind him, her chest almost touching his back as she tried to see.

Josh looked over his shoulder at her and glanced down at her lips. “Oh…you’ve got…”

“Oh, your lipstick’s kinda…” Josh’s lipstick had gotten smudged and Liv was wearing a little of it.

Josh looked back at the phone, giddiness bubbling inside of him as he thought about what had almost happened a second earlier. “So…”

“Not the time Josh, dial the number.” Liv was trying to play it cool, but her heart was hammering out of her chest and she felt like she might explode with excitement. What would have happened had they not been interrupted? She was dying to know. Josh dialed the lab Kronish worked at.

“Hello, yes, hi,” Josh started. “I’m calling for Dr. Kronish, there’s something important he needs to come home for…oh he’s already on his way home? Oh, he’s sick.” Josh began pacing in front of the kitchen counter, shooting Liv a thumbs up. “That’s wonderful news, thank you.” He hung up the phone. He sassily leaned against the counter.

“Piece of cake. Ooh! Cake!” A cake (presumably a birthday cake for Kronish), sat in front of both of them on the counter. Josh swiped his finger across it, gathering some frosting with his finger, and sticking it in his mouth. “Mm, Liv, try this frosting.”

Liv was distracted, squinting out of the window at a man walking up to the house. “Is he coming here-? That’s him! That’s Marigold’s lover!” She excitedly hit Josh’s arm. Josh’s face broke into a mischievous grin.

“Oh shit, did you leave the bag in the room?” He asked.

“Fuck!” Liv cursed under her breath. Liv and Josh hurriedly dashed back down the hall and into Kronish’s bedroom, finding the bag had fallen off the bed and to the floor. Liv scooped up all the items that had fallen out and haphazardly shoved them back into the bag. Josh bumped into the table and almost knocked a heavy, Easter Island head off of it. They heard the man open and close the front door. They exchanged panicked looks. Josh frantically (but quietly) put the statue on the other side table as he grabbed Liv and pulled her into the closet with him, the man’s steps growing closer and closer to the bedroom door.

Just as Josh slid the closet door closed Liv came to the realization that this closet was tiny. Josh had his body pressed against hers, and Liv’s back was pressed against the wall. Her heart was pounding, both from the adrenaline and the closeness. The man’s shadow moved past the closet and Josh held his finger to his lips as he watched like a hawk. They heard the sound of him walking into the bathroom and undoing his belt. Josh poked his head out to see if the coast was clear. He looked at Liv and signaled for her to follow. The two of them tiptoed out the closet, to the door, and backed down the hall, making sure the man didn’t walk out and see them. Josh turned around just as the front door opened. Kronish. He almost made a noise, but quickly caught himself, grabbing Liv, who was still backing down the hall, by the shoulders and pushing her back into the bedroom.

“Under the bed, go under the bed.” He whispered frantically in her ear, praying the man wouldn’t see them. They snuck back into the room just as the man flushed the toilet, Liv immediately dropped and rolled under the bed and Josh followed her. Both of their eyes were wide as saucers as they tried to catch their breath quietly. They could see the man’s shoes as he walked out of the bathroom. Kronish entered. Josh grabbed Liv’s hand as she grabbed his shoulder excitedly. “It’s happening!” He mouthed to her. Kronish was about to face Marigold’s secret lover.

“Elias?” The man asked.

“…what are you doing here?” Kronish said in a low voice. Liv and Josh were shaking each other, the plan was working! There was a few brief moments where they didn’t hear anything as Kronish slowly approached the man. Liv stopped shaking Josh’s shoulder, they both looked confused. They heard kissing noises. Liv’s eyes went wider. Josh grabbed Liv’s shoulder and looked at her in shock. Clothes started falling to the floor in front of them. Liv slapped her hand over her mouth to keep from gasping out loud.

“Leslie…” they both heard Kronish mumble. Their jaws hit the ground. Leslie. This was Leslie. “…Leslie I’ve missed you…” Kronish said breathlessly as the bed creaked under their weight as they got on. Liv and Josh looked at each other.

“This…this is complicated.” Josh whispered.

Kronish and Leslie went at it for 2 hours. 2 hours of Liv and Josh under the bed listening to their ruckus and the bed rocking above their heads. Liv had somehow dozed off with her head propped up with her hand next to him, the squeaking and loud moaning above them becoming white noise to her. Josh laid his chin on his arms, his eyes were also starting to grow heavy. The two of them hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in days (or years, if you counted all the time traveling). Josh couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d kissed Liv. Quickly, but they’d kissed.

Her head slipped from her hand and gently onto his shoulder. Josh tensed at first, worried she would wake up and move away, but after a few seconds relaxed as he realized she was out. He slowly and gently laid his head on hers, taking in a deep breath and letting himself relax for the first time in a while. Despite the erotic scene above them, the two of them shared a wholesome moment. For a blissful moment, there were no Biotics, they weren’t in the 80s, and there weren’t two people having very loud and passionate sex above them. There was just Josh Futturman and Liv Branson. Josh reflected on their friendship.

He’d met Liv on his first day at Kronish Labs three years prior; she'd only been there a month longer than him. He remembered how they immediately hit it off, teasing each other and cracking jokes the whole day as she showed him around. That day he had gone home and excitedly told his parents about his new friend. He remembered his mom begging him to invite her to their big Futturman Super Bowl party and how nervous he’d been to ask her. The way her face lit up as he asked and the way she enthusiastically agreed to be there was something he had never forgotten. That was the first time Gabe and Diane had met Liv, and they instantly fell in love with her and she attended every party they had thrown after that. In the beginning, Diane was always asking Josh if he liked her. Josh remembered blushing and denying it, saying he liked Jeri. He had liked Jeri, but it was becoming more and more obvious that he also had liked Liv.

He remembered the time a scientist had hit on Liv and asked her on a date, and how he couldn’t go to sleep until Liv called him to tell him all about how it went. He remembered secretly hoping that the date would go badly so Liv didn’t go out with him again. The two of them had stayed up until early the next morning talking about it, laughing at how awkward it had been. He’d been jealous. His heart immediately sank for Liv, who for three years had to hear about his more obvious crush on Jeri. He felt so bad. Liv was always a constant for him while Jeri hadn’t shown any interest until he got wrapped up in the grand scheme of the Resistance. Liv had been his world for three years.

His eyes had fluttered shut as he pondered, not noticing that Liv had rested her hand on his elbow as she slept. The little white cat from earlier snuck under the bed, meowing. Josh’s eyes flew open. Liv inhaled deeply and lifted her head groggily. The cat eyed them curiously, meowing quietly. Liv seemed to slowly be processing where she was, looking confused at first and then remembering everything.

“Shh!” Josh quietly shushed the cat. “Go away!” He reached over Liv and gave the cat a little push. The bed started shaking harder, knocking a book off of the bedside table to their right. Josh gave the cat another small push. “Not right now, go away.” He whispered. The cat walked out from under the bed. Liv and Josh saw the Easter Island statue from earlier go crashing to the ground as the bed rocked violently. It fell onto the poor cat. Killing it.

Liv and Josh couldn’t hold back their gasps of horror, which were thankfully drowned out by the noise Kronish and Leslie were making. Liv scooted over, poking the cat.

“Is it okay?!” Josh whispered.

“Oh my God, the cat is dead.” Liv whispered, starting to well up with tears. Josh remembered another memory about Liv: the time Liv cried on their lunch break the first time she saw a bin of dead possums at work. She didn’t like when animals were in peril. She tearfully pulled the cat back under the bed. “Poor baby…” she whispered.

Josh pressed his ear to the cat, wanting to hear if he could make out a heartbeat. He couldn’t. “It’s dead…”

Kronish and Leslie moaned loudly, seeming to be wrapping things up. Josh’s ears perked up and he looked up hopefully. “Finally.” He breathed out. Liv wiped her tears.

“And now…your turn…” Kronish said to Leslie. The bed began to rock again.

“Are you kidding me?” Josh whispered through gritted teeth. Liv’s forehead hit the ground as she gave a heavy sigh.

30 more minutes of Josh and Liv under the bed listening to Kronish and Leslie have sex went by. Liv slowly stopped crying (Josh had put his arm around her and pulled her in close to him as she mourned the loss of the cat they’d just met). Finally, the bed stopped rocking and the moaning died down, dissolving into content laughter. Josh and Liv glanced up at the bed hopefully.

“Leslie, can I ask you a very serious question?” Kronish asked, his laughter dying down. “Were you…meowing?”

Leslie chuckled. “I thought that was you meowing!” Liv and Josh tensed up, both looking at the dead cat.

“Oh, must’ve been my neighbor's cat, always coming through that window.” Kronish laughed.

“Well, I can’t blame him, I can’t stay away from you either.” Leslie said flirtatiously.

“Well, good, I wouldn’t want you to.” Kronish responded smoothly. “…Ever since 8th grade, I knew who I really was. But…I was just too afraid to act on it. But then I met you.”

Josh looked at Liv with a small smile. They both looked up as if they were grinning at Kronish.

“And you know what? Holding each other?” Kronish continued. “That’s the best part.”

Josh still had his arm around Liv. He rubbed her arm, she looked at him with a small, sappy smile.

There were a few moments of silence above them. “So, how did Marigold take the news?” Leslie asked.

“Well…”

“You haven’t told her?”

Josh and Liv’s faces fell. Poor Kronish.

“…I-I’m going to, I’m packed and everything. This is the hardest part! I-I’m thinking about Dear John-ing it.” Kronish said defensively.

“No, no, no!” Leslie interrupted. Liv and Josh frantically shook their heads in disagreement with Kronish. “You have to tell it to her face! You owe her that much.” Josh and Liv nodded in agreement with Leslie.

“Elias? Are you home?” Marigold was finally back.

“Marigold!” Kronish hissed.

“Shit!” Leslie scrambled off the bed.

“Hey honey!” Kronish yelled for Marigold to hear. Liv and Josh perked up, getting ready to dart out from under the bed and make their escape as soon as Kronish and Leslie were gone.

“Are you having doubts?” Leslie asked. “Tell her.”

“I just came home early!” Kronish continued to call out to his wife, fixing the sheets.

“I wanna hear it.” Leslie kept going. “I’ll be here for moral support, I’ll hide underneath the bed!” Liv and Josh looked at each other, panicked. “I’ll even hide in the closet!”

“That’s ridiculous, go out the window.” Kronish begged.

“Then I’ll see you at the marina tonight?” Leslie bent over, picking up his pants and shirt. Liv scooted back out of fear he might see them. Josh stayed, wide eyed.

“Of course.” Kronish sighed. They heard Kronish open the door just as the rustling of the blinds signaled that Leslie had climbed out the window. Liv crawled out from under the bed, trying to keep the rustling of the lingerie bag quiet. Josh rolled out holding the cat, he carefully tucked it into the bag, Liv looking away so she didn’t get sad. They tiptoed down the hall, hearing Marigold talking to the Kronish.

“What are you doing home?” She asked suspiciously.

“The truth is Marigold, I…uh…” Josh stopped right where the hallway wall ended. Liv came up right behind Josh, listening intently. “I…decided to come home early and give myself a birthday treat…” Liv and Josh nodded along, hoping he would tell Marigold the truth. “…and curl up with that mystery novel I’ve been reading.” He lied. Josh shook his head and Liv deflated.

“Why are you so sweaty?” Marigold asked. Josh turned to Liv with a disappointed look.

“That’s just from my heart racing, I’ve been trying to figure out ‘who done it’.” Kronish lied again.

“Okay, well, I have a surprise for you.” Marigold said excitedly. Josh and Liv pressed themselves against the wall again, trying to listen. “You are going to get back there,” Liv and Josh shoved themselves off of the wall, realizing Kronish was about to make his way back to his room. “And you are going to run me the hottest, nicest bath you can think of, mkay?” Josh grabbed Liv and they sprinted back down the hall as quietly as they could back into Kronish’s room. They froze as they got to the doorway, Leslie was climbing back in. Liv grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him into a closet at the end of the hall.

“…’cause my hip hurts, but Mama’s feeling fancy.” Marigold called to Kronish. “Mkay, baby?” Josh could make out Kronish’s figure making its way down the hall through the slots in the door, they could hear him sigh.

“Josh,” Liv whispered from behind Josh. “You're stepping on my foot.”

“Sorry, Liv!”

The doorbell rang. Josh looked back out of the slots and Liv peeked over his shoulder. Marigold excitedly went to answer the door.

“Oh, you’re here!” She said in a hushed tone. “I’m freaking out! My husband came home early.”

“Marigold’s lover…” Josh breathed out. Tiger walked through the door.

“What?!” They both gasped.

“I am Glenn Close.” She said in an uneven voice. She stumbled as she began to walk down the hall. Marigold grabbed her and directed her in a different direction.

“Is she drunk?!” Josh shook his head.

“Your husband is attracted to me. Fatally.” Tiger sure sounded drunk.

“Where the fuck did she go?!” Liv asked quietly. As soon as Marigold followed after Tiger, Josh threw open the closet door, looking both ways before bolting into the room to the right of the closet. Liv stood for a moment, unsure of what to do. She heard Kronish’s footsteps coming out of his room and she dove after Josh into the study. Kronish’s footsteps were headed towards the exact room they were in.

Josh looked at Liv and hurriedly beckoned for her to follow him into the walk in closet. Just as they were about duck behind a dresser, Liv’s foot got caught on the rug on the ground. She tripped, falling right into Josh, shoving his back into the wall, faces almost smashing together. He caught her and they looked at each other with wide eyes, realizing that sound was loud. Thankfully, Kronish was too busy shoving things around on the desk in the main room, rustling through the mess on the desk.

“Where did I put that passport?” He mumbled to himself over and over.

“Are you okay?” Josh mouthed to Liv. She nodded slowly, still scared that at any moment Kronish might come and investigate what he might have heard. Josh and Liv stood behind the tall dresser, pressed together with arms around each other, looking at each other with panicked eyes. They were not good at the whole sneaking around thing.

“…So you might have to roll it up and cram it in there.” The sound of Marigold opening the study door was heard. They heard Kronish make a sound and duck out of the room.

Some sweaters that Kronish must have frantically thrown in his panic to run out landed on Josh’s head. Liv helped Josh pull the sweater off, getting his lipstick all over one of them that was a salmon color. Liv poked her head out to make sure no one was there. She grabbed Josh by the corset and pulled him out from behind the dresser, the two of them making a mad dash for the door that led to the dining room.

“Tiger!” Josh yelled in a hushed voice.

“Tiger!” Liv copied. Josh backed straight into a sculpture, almost knocking it from its stand. He quickly caught it and tried to rebalance it.

“Tiger?” Josh called out quietly again. Josh and Liv rounded the corner, heads swiveling back and forth to make sure they didn’t get caught. The front door swung open, scaring both of them. A pretty woman confidently walked through the door, hips swinging as she walked in.

“A Biotic!” Liv yelled. Josh froze for a moment and panicked. The woman turned and looked at them, raising an eyebrow.

Josh frantically pulled his phone from inside his corset. “This is a detonator!” He threatened, holding it as if it were dangerous.

“Really?” The woman rolled her eyes. “That’s what we’re doing?”

“Uh uh! Don’t move!” Liv pointed to Josh’s phone, backing away slightly as she approached them.

“You take another step, I press this button, this whole house is wired, it blows up, we all die, and your mission’s a failure.” Josh threatened. The woman rolled her eyes again. “You wanna test me, you wanna fucking test me? We’ll all die right here, right now, I’m loco!” Josh said, eyes wide like a mad man. Liv nodded along, eyes never leaving the Biotic woman as she stepped closer.

“Okay, you’re in charge. I guess I’m your hostage now or whatever…wait, I didn’t hear anything about there being two of you?” She looked annoyed.

“Yeah? Well, there are two of us.” Liv said, trying to sound brave and menacing. “And you are our hostage…?”

“I suppose you wanna, tie me up or something?” The woman was distracted, looking around the house like she was bored.

Josh was still holding out his phone like a weapon. “Yeah, uh, that’s actually a good idea.” He looked over at Liv.

“Go, go over to the right, go.” Liv shooed her over to the study. She lazily walked over to the study, Josh and Liv following her, Josh still acting like his phone was a bomb.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” He said. They made her sit in a rolling chair in the study as she dropped her bag on the ground. Liv went through the bag and pulled out fluffy handcuffs, ones with red feathers and ones with pink.

“Oh,” the woman drawled. “Those’ll cost you. It’ll also cost you more because there are two of you.”

“You can drop the prostitute act okay? We know who you really are.” Liv threw Josh the red handcuffs.

“Don’t threaten us, okay? This isn’t our first time.” Josh cuffed her to the chair.

“Okay, yeah, I forgot, you’re in complete control.” The woman said condescendingly.

“You have to stay.” Liv pointed sternly at her.

“Okay. I can’t really go anywhere.” The woman looked Liv up and down judgmentally.

“Whatever, perf.” Liv shot back as her and Josh slipped out of the room and back into the dining room.

“Degrading is also ex-“ they shut the door on her.

“Tiger!” Josh hissed loudly. “There’s a Biotic here!”

“Where the fuck did she go?” Liv whispered. Unbeknownst to them, Tiger had left to go catch up with Wolf. Again.

“Tiger!” Josh kept whispering. “Tiger? We need you-“

“Leslie? Is that you?” Kronish whispered from down the hall. Josh and Liv froze. “I told you to go out the window!” Josh looked at Liv with wide eyes. She looked to the counter and tossed the bag over it, hoisting herself up and dropping down behind it. Josh quickly ran around the counter to find Liv shoving things that had fallen out back into the bag. The dead cat was sprawled out on the floor. He scooped up the cat and the two of them hurried into the kitchen. “Marigold is in the bath,” Kronish was getting closer. “You can come out!”

Josh looked for a spot to hide the cat, putting it in a pot that was set out on the stove and shutting the lid. He looked over his shoulder, Liv was gone. He saw her hand pop out from behind the counter, beckoning for him to come hide with her. Josh turned and was jumpscared by Elias Kronish rounding the corner. They both jumped back in shock.

“Oh, good Lord!” Kronish cried out in shock seeing Josh standing in the kitchen. Josh’s immediate reaction was to cover himself up, afterall, he was still in lingerie. Kronish’s eyes did a sweep of Josh in his fluffy black kitten heels, black fishnet stockings, leopard print panties, lacy black corset, feathery black boa and spiked choker, and messy eyeliner and lipstick. He looked concerned and frightened all at once.

“…Happy birthday…” Josh said in a small voice, hands over her crotch and chest as if he had anything to cover up. His mouth twitched as he tried to muster up a smile.

The look in Kronish’s eyes changed as he assessed the situation. “��Oh my God,” he whispered in a strangled voice. “You’re my birthday surprise?” Josh stared at him blankly, wondering if he should just go with it. “She knows…” Kronish whispered, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth.

“She- she knows?” Josh asked.

“You’re a gigolo aren’t you?” Kronish asked. Josh’s ears pricked up as he heard a light breathy laugh come from behind the counter. He looked down at himself. He really did look like a male prostitute.

“Yes…” Josh moved his hands to his hips and nodded.

“Marigold clearly doesn’t know what kind of men I find attractive.” Kronish looked Josh up and down again. Josh looked slightly offended. “But I can’t believe she was willing to hire a prostitute.” Kronish was shocked beyond belief.

At the same time it hit Josh and Liv that the “Biotic” was just a prostitute. “Oh…the Biotic’s a prostitute…” Josh whispered to himself. He heard the faint sound of Liv slapping her forehead and her head hitting the back of the counter. Josh covered it up by clearing his throat.

“If she’s willing to make this kind of accommodation…maybe this marriage will work after all.” Kronish said to himself.

“What? No! No, no! You have to leave her!” Josh said frantically.

“I don’t remember asking you.” Kronish cocked an eyebrow at Josh.

“Look, truth is I’ve been gigoloing- gigolo- gigoing- fucking dudes for money for a while now.” Josh said. “This is not the first time a wife has hired me to save her marriage, and trust me, it never works. Never.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe that’s on you.” Kronish looked Josh up and down again.

“Nuh uh,” Josh pointed down to his crotch. “You see this? I’m the fucking best, okay?”

Behind the counter, Liv was pulling at her face, trying to resist the urge to jump in. She couldn’t take it.

“Listen to me, you are in love with someone else.” Josh said gently. Kronish’s stance softened. “Someone who you have crazy, passionate, vibrant sex with for very long periods of time.” Kronish slowly nodded, looking at the ground. “But, most importantly, you found someone who you truly love to hold. Someone who sees you for who you really are…” Josh sent a quick glance over his shoulder to where Liv was hiding.

Behind the counter, Liv was listening intently, with her knees pulled in close to her chest, looking up as if she could see Josh. She could hear the tenderness in his voice. Her face broke into a sweet smile.

“This marriage that you’re in, it’s an anchor. It’s holding you down. You need to set sail.” Josh moved his hands in a wide motion, gesturing towards the horizon. Kronish looked confused about how Josh could possibly know that. “Metaphorically speaking.” He added at the end.

“Damn, you are one perceptive hooker.” Kronish said quietly.

“The best.” Josh reminded him.

“But you know what? You’re right.”

“I’m right?”

“Yes, I should set sail.”

“Absolutely!”

“I can do this!”

“You can!”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome!”

“What do I owe you?” Kronish reached for his wallet.

“Uh, fifty bucks?” Josh shrugged.

“Take sixty.” Kronish gave him that signature warm smile as he handed Josh the money. “You earned it.” He kept his hand out for Josh to shake.

“Thank you very much!” Josh returned the smile.

“Set sail.” Kronish muttered as he walked away.

“Set sail!” Josh repeated enthusiastically.

Liv popped up from behind the counter with a proud smile on her face. “Good job gigolo!”

“Not funny, Liv. We have to let that prostitute go.” He said in a hushed voice. They heard a knock on the door and froze.

“Hurry, just get to the study.” Liv hissed. Liv and Josh tiptoed into the dining room again, looking around as they heard Kronish talking to whoever was at the door. They darted across the dining room and burst into the study.

“We have to get you out of here!” Josh said to the woman frantically.

The woman was watching something on TV and laughing. She stopped when she saw them. “Oh, you’re back. Are you the good guys now?”

“We’re trying to be.” Josh said as Liv fished the handcuff keys from her pocket. “If the wrong person sees you right now it’s gonna undo a whole lot of progress I just made.” The cuffs fell to the ground as they uncuffed her.

“Uh, ‘kay, so, I’m not going anywhere until I get paid.” She said snobbily.

“I got sixty bucks?” Josh held out the money Kronish had given him.

“Sixty bucks? This isn’t a rest stop glory hole. Sixty bucks doesn’t cover the roleplay, cuffing, degrading, and this weird ass threesome.” She rolled her eyes. Josh and Liv eyed each other. “I’m calling Big Lou.”

“No, no, no! Please don’t call Big Lou!” Liv shook her head.

“The last thing we need is to add more people to this right now!” Josh waved his hands. “We’ll get you more money!”

“I’ll take a TaB too.” She said as Josh and Liv went to the door.

“The fuck’s a TaB?” Josh whispered to Liv as he shut the door.

“How do we get her more money?” Liv whispered.

Josh thought for a moment. “Find Marigold’s wallet.”

“Josh!”

“She’s a bitch! I don’t mind stealing from her!”

“…fine.” Liv pursed her lips. They tiptoed back into the dining room, hearing Kronish laugh awkwardly at someone in the living room.

“That’s great, well, if you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to my wife.” Kronish said.

“Alright, but you’ll call me, right Elias?” The visitor asked.

“Yes, I’ll have Marigold call you, alright, bye bye now.”

Josh and Liv heard the front door close. Liv turned to Josh and nodded, ready to sneak into the living room to go snoop through Marigold’s purse. The door opened and closed again, and they heard someone muttering to themself. Josh and Liv stayed still, eyes wide, as a burly, scary looking man came walking past them, back turned to them.

“Fuck! Big Lou!” Josh crouched behind a stool as Liv stayed behind the wall. He went searching in the study. Liv and Josh bolted into the living room and found Marigold’s purse sitting on the coffee table. Liv picked it up and rifled through it.

“Got it!” She pulled out the wallet. A loud commotion came from the kitchen. Liv dropped the purse and they went running into the kitchen to see Big Lou had shoved Leslie to the ground, smashing into the sculpture Josh had almost broken earlier. The pieces of the sculpture lay scattered around him.

“Big Lou! Big Lou!” Josh called out. “It’s okay! We have your money.” He held out Marigold’s wallet.

“Hey! That’s my money!” The prostitute peered around Big Lou.

“What the fuck is going on here?!” Marigold came storming into the dining room in a robe, clearly fresh out of the bath. Kronish rushed in after her.

“This asshole sucker punched me!” Big Lou pointed to Leslie.

“This filthy pimp abuses this woman!” Leslie pointed at Big Lou and then to the prostitute.

“He’s not my pimp?” The prostitute looked at Leslie as if he were stupid.

“I’m a history teacher!” “Big Lou” looked offended. He looked over at her. “You’re a prostitute?”

“No! He’s the prostitute!” Kronish pointed to Josh.

“Neither one is the prostitute!” Marigold shook her head.

“Well, I’m a prostitute.” The prostitute said.

“And you’re so much more than that!” Leslie said to her.

“Shut the fuck up, priest.” She rolled her eyes at Leslie.

“You’re a priest?” Liv gasped.

“Reverend.” Leslie looked confused down at Liv and Josh, who’s jaws were on the ground.

“I don’t care who any of you freaks are, I just want Bunny back!” “Big Lou” wailed, leaving to scour the house.

“Hold on just a second!” Marigold pointed to Josh and looked at Kronish. “You thought he was the prostitute?”

Kronish paused. “…yes…”

“I mean, look at him.” Liv chimed in. Josh shot her a dirty look.

“And who the fuck are you?!” Kronish asked.

Liv opened her mouth to answer, but closed it, not knowing what to say. Josh looked at her with wide eyes. “I…” she looked between everyone, all eyes were on her. “I photograph him…” she pointed to Josh. “I photograph him…gigoloing.” She choked out.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Josh hissed through his teeth.

“You make gay porn?” Leslie looked disgusted at her. Liv shot him a judgemental look. Who was he to judge her?

“…yeah?” Leslie gave her a worried look.

“No, no!” Marigold turned the conversation back to Josh. “Why would I get you a male prostitute?” Kronish glanced at Josh and went back to Marigold.

“Yes Elias,” Leslie crossed his arms. “Why would she get you a male prostitute?” Everyone stared at Kronish expectantly.

“Uh, I thought…you wanted me to watch you have sex with him,” he gestured towards Josh. Josh let go of the bated breath he’d been holding. Leslie looked crushed. Liv took in a sharp breath and slowly shook her head. Marigold gave the three of them weird looks. She looked back at Kronish like he was insane. “I’ve shared with you my cuckolding fantasy haven’t I?” Kronish added.

“No.” Marigold said sharply. She scoffed. “Hm, I thought you were trying to tell me you were gay.”

Kronish let out an abnormally loud, forced laugh. “Oh, no, no. Just your old run-of-the-mill…” he trailed off seeing Leslie’s hurt look. “Cuck…”

Leslie nodded solemnly. “Obviously you two have a lot to talk about. I gotta go.” His eyes bore into Kronish. “My boat still leaves at midnight.” He saw himself out of the house.

“What boat?” Marigold asked rudely.

“I have no idea.” Kronish sighed.

“No! Don’t let him leave!” Josh interrupted. Kronish looked at Josh. “Come on! Be true to yourself!” He looked at Kronish, then Marigold, then to Liv. Liv furrowed her eyebrows. “He’s in love with someone else.” He blurted out.

“Seriously, who are these people?” Marigold shot Liv and Josh dirty looks.

“I have no idea. I have never met them before in my life.” Kronish clenched his jaw uncomfortably. Josh got a look on his face that Liv knew all too well. He was meddling again.

“Oh. Don’t you act like you don’t know exactly who I am, Elias.” Josh said, feigning dramatic heartbreak. He inched closer to Kronish, who backed away uncomfortably. “I will not let you treat me like some slut you can just bang a couple times and then throw in the garbage.”

“I don’t know what this man is talking about!” Kronish cried.

Josh looked back at Liv. She nodded for him to keep going. The prostitute stood slightly behind them, eating all of this drama up. “You thought that you could just come into my life and turn everything upside down and only think about yourself?” He was in Kronish’s face by this point. “You think that we can spend an entire weekend making love,” he looked back at Marigold when he said this, making sure she heard him correctly. She was shocked and horrified. Liv stood next to her, grinning from ear to ear with two thumbs up. “And then you think you can just ignore me?!” He turned back to Kronish. “You’ve got another thing coming, ‘cause you know what?” He turned to Liv, holding out his hand for the bag. Liv handed him the bag and he rummaged through it, pulling out the envelope with the pictures Liv took. He grabbed them and fanned them out so everyone could see. “I will not be ignored, Elias! Proof!” He showed the group. “Look what he made her take pictures of!” He gestured to Liv. “He roped her into this too!”

“What the fuck are these supposed to prove?” Marigold shouted.

“I’m calling the police!” Kronish threatened.

“Give me a 90 second head start?” The prostitute piped up. Josh turned to Liv with panicked eyes.

“Oh no, Bunny!” Someone cried. “Lord, no!” Everyone hurried to the kitchen, where the cat was found in the pot. “Big Lou” had been Kronish’s neighbor. “My Bunny’s dead!” He cried.

“The cat’s name is Bunny?” Liv asked.

Josh gave a small laugh. “If I’d have known that I would have hid it someplace else.” He elbowed Liv lightly, trying to crack a joke. Liv slapped Josh’s chest with the back of her hand as Kronish’s neighbor angrily turned to them. All eyes were on Josh and Liv. “Um…” he grabbed Liv’s hand. “We’ll…we’ll see ourselves out…” they turned and ran for the front door. Kronish followed them to the door.

“And you better stay away!” He screamed after them as they dashed down the driveway.

“Fuck free will! We should have done the gun thing!” Josh cried out as they ran down the street together.

Tiger had finally pinpointed where Wolf was. She’d tracked him all day, through the beach and park where she met an oracle on a bench who told her to let him be free from his ownership chain, and to Kronish’s house where a cunning wife oracle told her to tighten the ownership chain. Tiger knew exactly where Wolf would have ended up. Corey Hart’s concert. She approached the large crowd in front of the venue.

“Well,” she said as she spotted him right at the ticket booth. “If it isn’t the king of the public beach?”

“What took you so long?” Wolf asked, side-eyeing her. “Your tracking skills are slipping.”

“I consulted two oracles today.” Tiger said. “One said give you your freedom and you’ll come back to me. He was dumb and ate his own dog. The other said to rein you in with the illusion of freedom. She was impressive…but crazy.” Wolf looked at her, unphased. “And then I realized, your freedom isn’t mine to give or take. Neither one of us is gonna be free until we finish what we started.”

“You’re wrong.” Wolf said in a low, tired voice. “I’m free now.” Tiger furrowed her brows. Wolf looked her dead on. “Because I quit.”

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