#tie him up and make him suffer tbh

[lurkofyourlife]

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

i just know you’ll have a very thought out answer for this one.

🩷🩷🩷

Honestly I don’t xD but maybe I should??? I’m assuming this is a full genital and gender presentation swap and not just a biological sex markers or genitals-only change— but I may be overthinking x3

Knowing it’s from you, I now immediately would want to go subby male real quick (as if I would have much choice here; I am not a dominant persona and a change of genitals wouldn’t change that ��), but the service top angle…

I mean I’d be such a whore tbh, cause it could never get traced back to me if it’s just for a day, so I would be the cutest fuckin nerd boy making whimper/moaning audios online— and out in the real world I would be complimenting girls in a very “I don’t actually want anything from this” kind of way. I would be the nicest boy because I would never see them again since it’s one day, and I’d want to be the type they’d compare every future interaction to, and it would only take focused concentration about doing it for 24 hours (realistically, like 8 hours of public time or less). So I could really just be That Nice Boy that brightens your day with no ulterior motive. Truly channeling sweet puppy energy as long as I can 🤞

If I had someone (*cough*) to play with… I mean god… unhinged feral service top energy. Fuck you til I’m overstimulated but still desperate to stay inside you energy. Touchy groping humping puppy, who gets rougher and rougher cause he can’t help it he just wants you so bad, stop squirming, just hold still so I can fuck you, I’m so sorry can you breathe? No this’ll just be a second, just hold still, I’m almost there- 😵‍💫

NSFW ask game, send me a number

[takes1]

i would literally sell my soul for more asahi smut(or literally anything tbh)

- (your stuff is actually so good bro. keep it up💯💯)

p.1 asahi getting rough with petite!reader

thank you!!! 😭❤️man, asahi is the most perfect character for some of my fav tropes ughh he's such a sweetie

warnings. nsfw themes. recreational use of alcohol. minors DNI

details. nsfw / fem!reader / manager!reader / short!reader / rough play! fetish / mutual size kink / mutual crushing / playfighting / version of spin the bottle / suggestive wrestling / asahi is a gentleman / inappropriate hard-ons / sitting on asahi's shoulders / houseparty / tipsy!asahi / lightweight!suga / 2.4k words / two-parter, reply to be tagged for next nsfw part

links. my masterlist. my ao3. more haikyuu. part two here.

"Aawww-!" Was a chorus of giggly groans throughout the little circle of Karasuno players. Your bottle landed on what was undeniably Asahi.

It filled Daichi's living room, which had been completely rearranged to make room for a friendly fight circle. As their more reserved manager, you decided that you shouldn't partake in a bottle-spinning, play-fighting, testosterone-pumping, sweaty activity at the start of the night.

"That's not a fair fight!"

After a few drinks and watching multiple rounds, you began to adopt an unfounded confidence that you'd be able to win one of these silly wrestling matches.

The name of the game was to keep a volleyball in your arms at the end of a three-minute timer. The trick, for most, was to take on their opponent, tire them out, and turtle over the ball in the last 10 seconds.

It seemed doable from your comfy spot on the couch, when you watched Tanaka prevail over Ennoshita, or the energetic match between Hinata and Nishinoya. When you volunteered to go, you were sure you could take anyone. But Asahi? He was arguably the most formidable opponent.

"Noo, let her fight Yamaguchi!" Suga was beet-red from his one drink, clinging to Daichi at the reveal that your match was against tonight's three-time Champ.

"Yamaguchiii!" He called, giggling, but you shook your head.

You didn't want to fight somebody that wasn't a challenge. If Asahi was #1, then Yamaguchi was #12. Bottom of the bracket.

Asahi glanced around the circle of guys telling him not to, already unsure if he should accept this turn, and to let you try fighting somebody your size, first.

"Hey, hey, now-!" Daichi tried to quiet the uproar and laughter, grinning, "Let her -hhaha- let her decide!"

Now that everyone had their own opinions, somewhat sharing the sentiment that if you fought, you'd suffer a terrible loss, your delusion grew a bit out of proportion.

You stood and passed your drink to Yachi. She gasped and grabbed your shirt as if you were a sacrifice. The room fell quieter, except for the failed, muffled laughter against elbows and hands.

"I'll take him!" You asserted, "And I'll win."

Cheers, applause, noise of all kinds preceded the start of some bets. Asahi grew warm at all the attention, and the pushing, and the teasing. If he lost, nobody would ever let him hear the end of it.

"You just gonna let her talk to you like that, bro?!" Nishinoya called.

He was snickering at his best friend's face, money already on you winning. All Asahi had to do was stand up for the guys to start 'Ooooh'ing, and for you to feel much, much smaller.

You were safe and across the circle, the game hadn't started yet, but as he pulled his hair up into a bun, you started sweating. He won his match with Kageyama by real wrestling, the one with Suga was more of just tiring his opponent out, and the one with Narita was won by brute-forcing the ball out of his grip.

Those weighty arms naturally flexed, moving to grab the elastic from between his teeth to tie it up. After enough jabs from Suga and Daichi, he realized he needed to verbally respond to your challenge.

Lightly buzzed, and not as shy about the reality of the fight, "I'm not goin' easy on you just 'cause you're tiny."

Now you had to beat him. You felt the fury of generations, notably Nishinoya, who was clambering over other guys to join your corner at the clear rage-bait.

"You better beat his ass for that!" He screamed over the delighted whoops and cheers.

Daichi resumed his ref-spot, ball in hand, as you both made it to the center of the circle.

You came up to his chest. He cocked his head down at you, a subtle endearment to his eyes, like he was admiring a small animal-- it was underestimation, an intimidation tactic for sure.

"Good," You muttered, a narrowed gaze at your opponent.

Daichi placed the ball on the floor between you and backed up before starting your time.

Asahi kicked it to the edge of the circle, disinterested in a game of keep-away. It wasn't advantageous to grab now, so you engaged him.

After watching enough of his matches, you knew he went low, first, so you stayed much, much lower.

It hardly served you. Any offensive move to take him just wasn't forceful enough, and you found yourself soon trapped once he got a hold of you.

And once he did, it felt like you would never be able to escape. The way he knew how to move you around was incredible- forget about his power, you couldn't even defend against his technique.

It also didn't take a lot of guessing to know what was compromising, and what wasn't- the team was vocal about what you needed to do, which prevailed mostly as different versions of 'Run away.'

40 seconds in, he readjusted his grip to something twisted, unnatural, and you were about three steps behind when he completed the move and pulled you up.

His arms were around your waist, your legs in the air, as he came up to a kneel.

"Ah!" You squealed, world turned upside-down.

You locked your legs around his shoulders, squeezing hard, but it didn't help you as he stood up onto his feet.

"Oh- shit-!!"

"Yoooo!"

"Asahi, take it easy!!"

Your fingertips couldn't make it to the floor- you weren't sure that you wouldn't hit your head, even if they did. His body was so hot against your back, his sheer strength such a shock, it stole your senses for a moment.

"Uh! Ref! Ref! That can't be legal!" Yachi pointed.

"Technically," Daichi took a moment to puff his collar with air, scanning the 'legality' of it, "Uh- it's... allowed."

You had never been so grateful to be wearing a bra. Your shirt didn't come all the way up, but you still took a second to tuck it before gripping your way to a curl-up.

At the top, you grabbed the back of his neck. It earned a strong grimace.

It served him right, since he was making a mockery out of you.

"Mmmh- sorry," Asahi spared you an apologetic look, even letting you finish tucking in your shirt before moving to a different position.

It was all in all, a lot of time, sitting up on his shoulders. It earned many, many whistles and half-vulgar expressions that Daichi had to quiet down.

"You good?" He cracked himself up a little with the question, unable to look anywhere but between your legs. You could feel his warm panting against you and tried not to think about it.

"Mhm."

It was curt, beyond embarrassment at this point. You wanted a fighting chance to touch the ball. If he kept you up here, you wouldn't be able to try.

If you had been one of the guys, he might've been a little less gentle letting you onto the floor. Still, he kept you down and wasted no time to pull himself free from your thighs, then pin you on your back.

He sat on your hips. It seemed so lame, and simple, but you couldn't lift yourself out from under him. You were getting weaker just by trying.

It was worse when he looked you in the eye, a little too sweet, as if he wasn't even thinking about the match.

The only thing that saved you was the time running out. You had just one minute left and still hadn't touched the ball.

"Asahi, get the damn ball!" Suga hollered, now on his second drink.

He sat back a little, glancing around for it- it was enough weight displacement to yank a leg out. He was still deciding between keeping you down and grabbing the ball. You were able to take advantage of the indecision and fly towards it, just before him.

And you were exhausted, hugging it close to your chest, huffing with a kind of tired you hadn't quite known before.

Spite was the only thing you ran on, at this point. Your muscles were screaming with fatigue, your breath shallow and rapid, making your forearms a little slick from condensation.

Eyes screwed shut, you couldn't help but squeak at the sound of him upon you- he was so scary, you finally understood how other teams could get intimidated by the way he played in matches.

"30 seconds!! (Y/n)!" Nishinoya bellowed, "Just 30 seconds!! Hold it!!"

His big fingers were digging, slowly but surely prying like steel under your arms. Every time he spared a moment to readjust, you squeezed harder and impeded his progress, so it forced a different approach.

A forearm barred against the front of your hips, stalling your breath for a moment- once he had a grip around you, he completed the hold and dropped his shoulder to the floor.

And in one, big groan against your ear, he curled, flipping you on top of him.

"Noooo-!!" Nishinoya and Yachi watched along in horror.

You braced, a simple cry all you could make, knowing that you were done for. You lay face up- your back against his chest, the only thing keeping the ball in your possession was a weak arm hold.

Asahi didn't instantly go for it, though.

He crunched his legs up in lock, prying yours down with shameful ease. It must've been some form of showmanship, to truly have you trapped.

The labored rise and fall of his chest moved your whole upper body, yet another enticing reminder that he eclipsed you in size. You could've sworn he was laughing.

Before he could take the thing out of your hands, you chucked it all the way across the circle.

"Oooooh!!"

"Ten seconds! Ten seconds!"

You both scrambled away from each other to grab the ball. For once, you had a head start and started pulling yourself towards it.

A grip on your ankle, just before you could close the distance, dragged you backwards in a comical slide.

"Aah-h-!!" You yelped again, all your progress lost, all your hope fading as he climbed over you.

But he couldn't quite reach the ball. He was weighing you down to keep you from moving.

Now faced with the reality you wouldn't win, you refocused all your effort on keeping him away. You quickly got into more of a sprawl to keep his hips further back while he was distracted, nails digging into his big, outstretched forearm with a strangled, but determined groan.

He quickly silenced you by bringing that arm back, crushing it underneath your combined bodies in an unintentional choke.

The fingers on his other hand were dancing against the ball. You were able to twist, just barely, to snake your hand to his bicep and force a subtle bend at the elbow.

"Time!"

It was such a cathartic experience. For about 3 seconds. As long as it took for you to both stop bracing.

After that, your heart was pounding for a very different purpose. Though you had been able to shove your dirty thoughts to the side in the name of sportsmanship, the position you finished in was pornographic and you quickly felt a throbbing between your thighs.

"Ahhh-- fuck-!" He groaned, heavy and burning hot against your neck, "You're- Mm, you were good."

You winced at the sensation and the tired, grumbly bass in his voice.

Your legs had the outside disadvantage, knees spread wide in another dismal effort to remain low. His hips were crammed against the back of yours, allowing you to feel the indisputable bulge pressed tight against your cunt.

What made it worse was that you couldn't move until he took his weight off, and he was so tired that it took him longer than you to catch his breath.

His forearm slid off of your neck and he finally muscled himself up. It left you a bit weak, wobbly, sort of needy for that weight on top of you again.

What may have felt like a few million years was, in reality, only a few more seconds. Nobody noticed, or they at least weren't pointing it out, in favor of teasing him for not finishing the match.

"A tie, dude?!"

"Rematch! Rematch!"

"I know you're not tired!"

Since you were the underdog, you were spared of such disparaging comments. You had, after all, gotten the closest to winning against him. A tie was satisfying in its own right.

"--if he wasn't so damn distracted-,"

Suga's disappointed mutter to Daichi caught your attention as you took your place back on the couch next to them. You leaned forward and stole his attention right away.

"Not that I wasn't rooting for you!" He clarified. "It's just that--,"

Daichi cleared his throat, very loudly, twice, with a wide stare towards his friend. That was not his secret to tell.

"Right... right."

There was no time, no room to ask another question, because Asahi carefully walked the perimeter of the circle to get to Daichi. He squatted in front of him. They began talking in covered whispers. They exchanged a few back-and-forth's.

It ended in Daichi dapping him up, a big grin on his face. He patted his back, hard but friendly, and made some room so he could exit the makeshift perimeter.

You figured that was the end of it, and started to collect yourself as he hopped over the back of the couch. Kageyama was taking on Tsukishima in a heated, technically complicated match. Now, you had some sympathy because you were still unable to shake the indescribable shock of getting pinned.

It felt eerily similar to the jolt you got from his big, warm hand back on your shoulder.

When you turned to look at him, he was a bit flushed. So modest, considering how rough he had just been with you.

"You wanna come help me with somethin'?"

"Sure!" You glanced around his kind, but gruff features and couldn't figure him out.

He let you use his shoulders to steady yourself as you also climbed over the back of the couch. It was sweet, and it would've been scarier without his help.

"What's up?" You spared a look back to Daichi and Suga, who were grabbing and shoving each other in excitement, and tried to lighten him up a little with a playful shove on the stairs, "You want a rematch?"

It didn't move him at all. Sharing a laugh, he joked, "Uhh, well- kind of."

☆VIP☆

@integers @yuchacco

taglist:

none! reply to be tagged for part two!

my masterlist. more asahi

[reverie-starlight]

“ugh, my head hurts,” you whine. you walk into the living room and settle beside atsumu on the couch. as soon as you rest your head on his shoulder and bend knees over his thighs, he’s wrapping an arm around you.

“rough night?” he jokes. he knows perfectly well that you were with him fighting over mario kart and clue last night, and that you’re definitely not suffering a hangover right now, despite what your current state may suggest.

“ha ha,” you reply but it’s quickly followed up with a groan. you press your fingers to your temples and hide your face in his neck.

despite his earlier teasing, he brings a hand up to gently massage the back of your head. you can almost feel the concerned frown forming on his face, and just as he opens his mouth, you answer his question before it has the chance to form. “I’m okay, baby. I guess I didn’t get enough sleep after we waged war on each other.”

you think back to last night’s events. you had both pulled your best tricks within the game and things got pretty intense during your third go at moo moo meadows (atsumu's favourite track- one of the only one he claims you're evenly matched in because you're at the mercy of the cows). of course you beat him, hitting him with a strategically thrown green shell just before he crossed the finish line, breaking the tie 2-1 in your favour. he was quick to select wild woods as the next course, but you beat him in that one as well and had to switch over to animal crossing after that to cool off.

he sighs in relief and presses some kisses to your forehead. “need me to get ya anything?”

you wrap your arms around his neck, face still hidden against him, and shake your head as minimally as possible. “just cuddle me, please?”

he smiles and squeezes you tighter against him. “easiest thing you’ve ever asked me to do,”

you peek up at him. "how about you? you feeling okay?"

he looks confused for a moment. "hm? what do-"

"is your ego still bruised from that green shell?" you interrupt with a small smile against his skin.

he narrows his eyes playfully. "careful," he warns, hands slithering down to your sides and stalling there menacingly. "you're not really in a position to be a brat right now."

you giggle and guide his hands away from your waist. "no, I'm sorry, I'll stop. I won't even make the joke I was saving about being at the mercy of a cow again so soon," you plead with him.

he hums a bit. "you're so lucky you're not feelin' well right now. but just wait, I'll get ya back for that comment, baby. won't even see it coming."

you sigh contently as he maneuvers you against him more comfortably and plays with your hair. "sure, 'tsum. I'm so scared," your voice has a dreamy lilt to it, so he lets it slide and continues caressing you.

truly the easiest thing you've ever asked him to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this isn't the atsumu fic I was talking abt btw, that's still coming on monday. it's just a draft I polished up a bit bc I didn't know where to go with it. it probably wasn't going to turn into anything tbh... I'm just posting it today to try to stop myself from posting the other fic before then lol

[guiltycorp]

Damn i really want to know tf happened in the writing room of arcane s2. Some of the downgrades were inevitable due to the show's corporate limitations (not being able to progress the class war story in a meaningful way, having to tie things back to league of legends in terms of making playable characters more appealing to well, play... rip Mel and Viktor in particular), sure. But i still feel like it's even worse than that? There are so many bad decisions that i couldn't even start listing them all... the characters, plot, pacing, themes, it's just such a mess? Even the dialogue writing, it feels much more mm Marvel at its worst i suppose. What i am most bothered by is probably just the straight up harmful messaging so um... Cycles of violence and abuse can be broken by individual decisions to become a better person! Got nothing to do with systemic oppression, living conditions, mental health issues, you can just conveniently ignore aaall the social context, live laugh love and then things get better automatically yep, oppressors famously stop oppressing you when you show them that you're harmless and won't put up a fight anymore. Literally three out of three suicidal characters dying to redeem themselves? Not even in a tragic/cathartic way but in a bittersweet 'they finally atoned for their mistakes' way? Groundbreaking lmao. Romantic relationship between Vi and Caitlyn including no communication about their biggest fight, just conveniently skipping to sex and getting back together - would have loved that if it was framed as the unhealthy fucked up thing that it is, skipping over Vi's hurt and her background to once again become a cop, her girlfriend's direct underling at that (!) due to her not having any other support systems... But nope that was our cute lesbian romance wrapped up, a good thing all around, not concerning at all. Jayce telling Viktor that what he 'always admired about him' was his disability and his deadly disease (??? from a character who spent the whole s1 and first act of s2 desperately trying to help Viktor find a cure? sure) and that those imperfections don't need fixing, just wtf truly. Magic bullshit was also weird, some implications of 'natural magic is ok, but achieving that power through other means corrupts you into a crazy robot bitch or just wilts your trees i guess', but tbh it was written in such a weird and inconsistent way that we can skip this one... Yeah actually a lot of things were just such a mess that I feel silly pointing to specific moments or lines I didn't like, I mean duh, it barely makes sense as a story at all... I am happy we have s1 which comparatively was a masterpiece, and i also really enjoyed s2 act1, i truly believed it would lead somewhere good at the time, my mind still kind of cuts off the story at that point when i think about it, that WAS the open ending of the show to me (is it possible that there were rewrites? targeting act 2 and 3? idk, wishful thinking perhaps). Despite my extremely negative feelings about this season's conclusion i remain glad that so many people appreciate the show regardless, it is clear that there was STILL a lot of love in the process of its creation (although i'd argue that even some of the visual aspects of the show suffered in quality, once again i have to wonder about behind the scenes mood of it all) and i get very upset when i see creatives online despairing over reception of their projects even when i'm absolutely in the disgruntled crowd hahaha... ...however yeah, this wasn't great In a world that increasingly grows more and more right-wing politically... we really needed something different i think.

[stuck-writing-sickos]

In Poor Taste [P7]

(Yandere Reader Insert)

[Series Link]

[Content warning: religious trauma, sexual trauma, explicit language, violence, suggestive contents, addiction]

(Real talk? We are in a tie between Lukas and Yuki in terms of reader favorites ( lukas fans are in anonymous asks and they are freaaaaky.) First- sorry for the angst. Second, maybe this will warm some of us up to Lukas? But tbh? I wanna kick his ass all the time. So idk. Like i would NOT let myself near that man but i am an impartial creator. Im curious thooo lmk how we feel abt lukas so far 🫶 aside from wanting to sleep w him.

@perhapstheyregone)

Between interlaced fingers, the gaps seemed forevermore.

[Recap last chapter:

Lukas' POV: Lukas followed you and Yuki out, but his attempt to interrupt the moment was foiled by a very angry and drunk Hanao who argued with Yuki. Lukas could not understand what the argument was about except that it concerned a woman in the foreign dept named Sasaki. Hanao attempted to hit Yuki, but you took the punch instead. In the process, you threw Lukas out of the way and made him hit a wall, which excited him. Yuki noticed Lukas' strange reaction to the pain but did not say anything about it.

Your POV: after the fight, Yuki offered to take you home and asked Lukas to watch over Sasaki for the rest of the party. You and Yuki took a cab to your home. During the ride, you were too shaken up by a text your mother had sent, and it was revealed that your brother (who suffered from addiction) had relapsed. By the time you reached your apartment, it was clearly late for Yuki to take the last train home, but he still offered to walk you up to your door, seeing that you were unwell.

Yuki's POV: on the way upstairs, you cried. He was unsure what happened, but he tried his best to take you to your door, being as gentle as possible. You offered for him to stay the night, given that he was way late for the train. It was revealed here that Yuki was sexually abused by a family friend when he was a teenager, which resulted in his fear of any attempts at flirting coming from women. However, seeing as you did not have any ulterior motives except for trying to make up for the "troubles", he agreed, feeling more compassionate toward you. Here, he noticed that it was his first time willingly saying "yes" to staying the night at any woman's house.)

Lukas didn't like how teritorial he felt anymore. He didn't want to prove himself by sleeping with another person when you slipped away in Sakamoto's arms - even the mere idea made his skin crawl. He liked to tell himself that he was no longer burdened by feeling small and unspecial ever since he stopped going to church and started going to house parties where he would kiss and tell, but the feeling came back from time to time. He felt eyes from above watching him when he messed up women's bedsheet, his pleasure poisoned. "I'm not going back", he would think, "fuck all that", but when the show was over and the girl looked at him with doe eyes to search for aftercare he wanted to smother her with a pillow. But that wouldn't undo what he did.

Sometimes  back in college when he would go back home for the summer, Lukas wanted to cry and beg to be let back into the safety of the church. "I was wrong", in that fantasy he would shout with his knees on the ground, "take me back". The neat front lawn and the rose gardens stayed the same, as did the trickling fountain with the chubby cherub, as did the blooming magnolia and cedar elm, as did the sounds of mourning doves. Still, he felt bare and naked under the blue summer sky with no clouds to shield him from the sun. He wondered if his parents would take him back in were he to come back this time donning the cloth of the progidal son, or if he had to wait for the heaven's gate to be sure of the feast. So he held back, coming back into the air-conditioned living room loud and obnoxious, hugging and kissing his family. Nothing changed. He would go into his childhood bedroom - it would be wiped clean of any dust or spiderweb, his stacks of old videogames laid in the corner, his movie posters on the wall. The blinds would be left ajar, letting sunlight filter through and hit the freshly made bed where he would lie in and notice how small the pillow had gotten. He would wait until dinner was served, and at the table everyone would sidestep his absence from the church. Sometimes, his father would ask for his Sunday plans, to which he would say "I'll meet you guys for lunch". His mother would nod, and the awkward silence would soon be broken by his sister's stories about what happened at school. Lukas couldn't even try to pity their faith - it was cemented into them, sturdy and unchanging. It was so strong, he suspected, that they still held out for him to come back one day and attend mass again. Though, summer would pass and he would pack his back and leave again with a couple of weekends plans in his pocket, missing the haze of liquors and perfume. Next time, maybe.

This summer there weren't any plane flights back to Texas. Instead, he lied in the hard, narrow bed, his leg hanging out of the thin blanket as he stared at the ceiling. Outside, he saw electric wires and concrete apartments spreading until the horizon. It was a different quiet - no cricket, no winds going through the trees, no tinkerings of subtle magic when he would hear an owl hooting over the rooftop. Plain silence, as if the city outskirt was holding its breath to wait for something else to happen.

He wondered about what Sakamoto and you were doing, and a pit opened in his stomach. Lukas thought about what he would do if he were there with you instead. Sex? The idea was hollow and laborious - that wouldn't do. He had come to the realization that he didn't want to do to you what he had done to others - to undress, to use, to fantasize about smothering. Instead, he wanted to get on his knees and listen to you with his head on your laps and his arms wrapping around your legs. He wanted to look up into your eyes to see them unreadable to the point of emptiness and your lips harsh and stern, the same way you looked at the pest who had harrassed you that night at the concert. He wanted you to raise your iron fist and beat him senseless for his beating heart and his unwitting erection. You would disregard the excuse of "I can't help it", refusing the wired-in biological plea of his body. None mattered but the stark difference between sinful and sinless - and he was sinful.

__

Yuki didn't know how it happened. You were on the couch with your quilt wrapped around you, freshly showered with your hair still wet, and he was at the sink making a ginger tea from what ingredients he had procured in your barren pantries and depressing fridge. Then he was seated next to you whose breaths were still short and nervous. He wasn't sure what to say, so he presented the tea to you nervously. You feigned a smile. He didn't. He closed the distance, unable to find anything to say to ease your mind. He asked what happened. You talked. He recognized the people in your stories from all the other conversations, but they used to be just names and surface-level anecdotes. Now he understood, he said. You looked the other way, your quilt slipping off, your neck bare. The water droplets glistened on your skin. He wanted to do something selfish now, but he didn't. In shame he looked down on his laps, feeling heat spreading through his body like a wildfire. He stuttered when he said that he was sorry, and that addictions wasn't something one could control. You said something about you being a coward, but your exact words escaped his spinning head. He said it was hard to be strong all the time, and that he hoped something could happen for you to let your guard down because you didn't deserve to be in survival mode all your life. At that, he glanced over, flinching a little to see you turning to him again, wide-eyed like a deer in headlight. The heat from his body was messing with his ears - he could not hear you correctly when you opened your mouth to speak, but he could make out that you had tripped on your words as well. His breath got caught in his throat. Reasons fled. He brought himself closer quickly, afraid to lose the moment.

But he didn't know how it happened.

No turning off the lights, no getting ready, neither lipstick nor perfume, he had you as you were. He felt heat within him, yet you were even warmer to the touch. You held onto him anxiously, nodding when he asked for your approval, and smiling at him when he was where he needed to be. He didn't notice the time, but it didn't matter - it was a Friday night, and he wasn't supposed to be anywhere else but the cat cafe he had promised to take you tomorrow's morning. This felt right, he thought, and from the look on your face when he leaned in to kiss your again after it was over, you agreed.

__

In the next morning when you saw Sakamoto hestitated before shyly picking up the condom wrapper you both had forgotten on the night stand, you knew he would have questions you didn't want to answer. You didn't say anything as you poured water atop the coffee filter and closed the lid.

"Is it from your last boyfriend?"

You felt his self-consciousness. His bare back was on you, the lines of muscles pressing against one another showing the tension vividly. The dress pants he had put on weren't so defined without the belt, leaving him dishelved. You looked down, feeling anxiety bubbling in your stomach.

"No... just someone I was getting to know."

You always hated this part. This usually would be time for the man to ask how many you'd gone through, what were they like, if they were better in bed. Then, when you refused to answer, they would scoff scornfully to say that you were indeed "openminded". You did not sleep with many people, but you knew any numbers above zero could put a dent in their ego. Nervous now, you swallowed, trying to fix your dry throat.

"It's not too old, is it?"

"3 months ago."

"I never heard about him, but sounds like he wasn't very nice."

At this he turned around. You didn't expect the smile on his face - it wasn't wry and disdainful. You thought it was a little smug, with his nose scrunched and the corner of his lips etching upward to show his teeth. Bashfully laughing, you covered your mouth with your palm, your other hands wrapped around your torso, clutching your shirt.

The playful look on his face dropped at that. You tried not to look at him as he walked over.

"I'm sorry. I was an asshole for that."

"No...", you shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut now.

The air hung heavy. You felt his breath over your shoulders.

"Are you trying to hide from me?"

"I'm sorry. I'm just overwhelmed."

He didn't say anything yet. You felt his arms wrapping around your shoulders, pulling you to his chest. His cool skin soothed your nerves.

"Do you regret it?"

"I was worried you might be."

That wasn't a "no" and you knew he noticed. You had violated your golden rule: no coworkers. Still, you would be a liar to claim that you never thought about him in this way. Those were fleeting thoughts, ones which you brushed off and treated as intrusive fantasies.

Last night proved you wrong.

You worried because outside of this apartment you were somebody else. You had a mother waiting for you to come home and inherit her fortune, a father who sat silently in his study mourning over the only masterpiece he ever wrote, and a brother who had just returned to rehab after three seemingly clean years. Under the sleepy, monotone current of Tokyo you brewed an urgency to come to their aids, to wait for their calls and texts. Every week, your mother's grievances about your father's lovers sat on your screen like a sour reminders. Any other, your brother would ask for money, and were you to see it fit you would monitor all the pictures he sent for signs of relaspe before wiring him what he asked, little by little, making sure to let your parents know behind his back. Sooner or later, a part of you knew the house of card you had built in Tokyo would topple under their breaths. You remembered the ultimatum they had given - if something serious happened to your brother, you were to go home.

Last night was a close call.

"It would be difficult at first, yes... but I think it will be okay eventually. I think my family will like you."

Your heart dropped. Your voice had no weight as you choked out "what?", stunned. Readjusting your body so you could face him, you saw his earnest eyes gazing at you.

"What?" - he asked back, puzzled.

"What do you mean your family?"

"I thought we were- I thought you-

He stumbled over his words, the light in his eyes dimming. His mouth was left hung open. He left his thoughts dormant at the tip of his tounge for way too long before painfully whispering "I thought this meant something."

You were frozen in his arms like a statue. He held you, his arms dropping down to your side, fingers lacing tighter than before. You wanted to say something, afraid that he would leave.

"It does."

"Then... the next step is to get to know each other, right?"

"Yes, but... what do you mean your family would like me?"

Was he thinking marriage because he felt he had used your body improperly? Or was he playing the same, disappointing game of overcommitment to string you along?

"It's..."

He went red to the tip of his ears.

"I was hoping we would get somewhere serious... but my family is complicated."

You didn't squirm away from him like you had planned to yet. Instead, you let your head fall to his chest, weary.

"Mine too."

The soft sunlight had turned into a glare through your curtain. You felt your skin dampen under the heat of his body when you asked - "so then... what do we do?"

He didn't say anything as he held you tighter.

"I can get through it with my family... but I-

You had mistaken his fear for indecision. Pulling yourself away, you had your eyes cast down and let the sinking feeling wash over. Whatever, you thought, the moment was real, but perhaps it ought to stay that way. It was for the best - after all, nobody made any promises. Swallowing all the tenderness you had felt and all the moments you had watched his kindness shine, you felt the weight of your family leaning against you.

He helplessly watched, unable to say that he didn't want you to suffer what was in store.

[memoria-99]

Thoughts about Gilbert's route

I was originally writing something about IkePri routes but then Gilbert part became ridiculously long so just decided to make this a single post.

Sooo...

Gilbert's route looks like the whole combination of dark routes I've seen in Ikeseries.

I'll fix this damn world myself no matter what it takes(Vlad) + death wish(Dazai, Charles) + puts a fake smile as a mask(Shakespeare) + is aware of own sin and knows it's unredeemable(Licht) + @

Obviously not a fun route, relatively heavy plots, frankly there were many wtf moments, and I really do think Emma suffered way too much, but it was a good "villain" route. I mean, other villains I know... like Shakespeare and Vlad in IkeVamp who are supposed to be the villains didn't look much like villains tbh, they didn't do real bad things to Mitsuki(well, Shakespeare did tie her up but still). But Gilbert looks like a proper villain to me. He is weirdly obsessed with Emma, tried to corrupt her, threatened her and isolated her. He even nearly killed her. Yeah this is the villain. He had a tragic past and was actually doing stuff for what he believed to be a better world, but that doesn't justify his behaviors anyway.

Emma in this route has real great mentality, very brave and embraces everything(except violence) like a saint. Her love is almost in the level of agape aka god's love.

I also love the ways "sinner" LIs are written in this game, including Gilbert and Licht, and how Emma deals with those. Instead of trying to just reassure it's okay don't let that bother you, she's like "I know what you did cannot be forgiven, nothing can change that, but I'll embrace even that part of you and lead you to step forward"

And this is the best adaptation of "Beauty and the Beast" theme, Chevelier would come second(thought his route was the best in this category before doing Gilbert). A prince who was once a human turned to a beast, this beast has a limited time, a beauty decides to be the "hostage" of the beast herself, she and her love brings him a change.

I've seen some hates of this route, and yeah their relationship is not healthy AT ALL, rather twisted, but I don't think it's particularly bad in this case. I mean, he's the villain indeed, and not all romances should be like the happiest fairytale, right? Moreover, Emma was no shrinking violet. She never gave up on her ideals, didn't hesitate to state her opinion in front of Gilbert's threat, worked as Chevalier's spy, and whenever the relationship with Gilbert turned feeble she was the one took the lead and spoke up, renewing the relationship. And while it's true Emma looked like a victim of his behavior it's also said that she conquered him at last. She won.

"I want to make you a part of my normal life. ... ...and this time, I'm going to drag you into my world. ... So I'd like to start again. Prince Gilbert, will you be my friend?" (Emma)

Up until halfway through I was like hmmmmm, but when the route came to an end I couldn't dislike this bastard.

Nonetheless, irl this kinda guy should be in the list of someone to avoid, but he's more than attractive as a 2d guy.

P.S. Considering his physical state and what happened in this route, does this mean in all the other routes he'll be dead and only the fake would be left???

P.P.S. I like his blue eye, but seeing eyepatch for so long made me think him with both eyes look a bit off. Idk, I prefer the eyepatch version.

... Oh wow this really is ridiculously long.

[keroppimelon0]

๑ -- 'ꜱᴘᴀʀᴋꜱ ꜰʟʏ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴀ ꜰᴏᴏʟꜱ' ᴇʏᴇꜱ'

ɪ ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇɴ'ᴛ ɢᴏɴᴇ ʙʟɪɴᴅ.. <3

๑ – synopsis : luka is your best friend. he is probably, if not, the best fighter in the underworld you know too. however, as of late, it seems he's been getting a bit too distracted in the cage, causing for some.. less than sightly injuries that you normally patch up without a second thought. you can excuse it maybe once or twice, but almost every single time he's in a fight? you need to find out what's up with this blockhead yourself.

๑ – notes : tbh, luka hasn't really come out yet and it's kind of ironic that i'm posting this right after the 1.2 livestream soo.. ehe. however, i took one look at him in his drip marketing and i fell in love♡ btw, reader is kind of mean in this but it's just cuteness aggression or whatever :P

๑ – relationship : luka x reader

๑ – w/c : 1085

"hold still, idiot."

"ow! hey, i'm trying- why're you being so rough?!- oww!"

LUKA whined as you huffed in annoyance, pulling harshly at the gauze you were wrapping around his heavily bruised arm. "you weren't complaining when you let yourself get beat up in the cage, were you?"

the redhead beside you pouted, letting you tug his arm around as you skillfully wrapped up the area where he had been rammed into by an automaton spider, and your gaze quickly flits to the second wound he sustained - a deep gash in his side, caused by an automaton grizzly's blade.

"i didn't let them beat me up, i just.. y'know, got distracted." luka averted his gaze, sweat-dropping as he saw your irritated glower in the corner of his eye. "got distracted, you say?"

you cross your arms, raising a suspicious brow as you look him up and down. luka's fiery locks are disheveled, void of the hair tie that keeps it up. his bright cerulean eyes are now tinged with the slightest hint of embarrassment, and similar to his hair - his face is flushed bright red.

"uh.. yes..?" he almost questions, and you let out another exasperated sigh, lightly flicking his mechanical arm and earning a small thnk noise as you do. you continue to pepper small talk and scoldings as you return to the task at hand, reaching to your side to pluck the bottle of rubbing alcohol off the floor, applying a generous amount to a small cotton pad before starting to clean off the cut.

luka winces, but falls silent, and you can feel his gaze burning into the side of your head as you work. once his wound is clean, you press the gauze against the gash and get to work yet again, meticulously wrapping up the wound and making sure it's tight.

"so, tell me what you were distracted by." you start to speak, and his eyes widen, blinking almost dumbly. it'd be cute if you weren't annoyed with him right now - how many times this week has he gotten distracted in the middle of a fight?

"h-huh..? what do you mean?" he chuckles, still not meeting your eyes. his avoidance of confrontation somehow fuels your irritation, so you gently reach over to pinch his cheek, redirecting his gaze towards you.

"you heard me, luka," you lean in closer, studying his bandage adorned mien with a critical eye, and you swear his face seems to glow brighter at your proximity. "what distracted you this time?"

luka tries to pull his head away, but you only tighten your grip, and causes his face to scrunch up as you squish his (strangely smooth) cheeks. "o-oh, you know, the usual stuff.. the lights were pretty bright- t-the noise!-" "luka."

at your commanding tone, luka's eyes flicker to yours - once, twice - before his adam's apple bobs, and he clears his throat. then, his voice comes out as a hoarse whisper, akin to that of a man in a desert with no water. or, well, in his case, a man suffering from insanely fast heart palpitations. you sigh heavily at his bulging eyes and panicked expression. "luka, if you don't want to tell me-"

"you. i was distracted by you."

...

the silence that follows is thick enough to slice with a blade, and he's stopped trying to meet your now dumbfounded gaze. "it's stupid, i know," luka sighs after a moment, looking like a kicked puppy. "sorry for making this so awkwa- mph!-"

you stop his incessant rambling by squishing his cheeks slightly harder, and his lips twist as he gives you an incredulous look. "..you idiot.." you mutter, voice uncharacteristically gentle as your eyes soften at his expression.

"i'm sorry." luka pouts slightly, and you swear, nothing's holding you back anymore. the next moment, you've leaned even closer, and you've planted a small kiss on one of the bandages on his stupidly adorable face. luka's bright pink, but the sulk that had once adorned his face had now turned into the biggest, dumbest grin you've ever seen in your life.

"whatever," you roll your eyes, but luka can see the slight blush that tints your own cheeks, and the fact that you can't hide your own small smile either. "you know, if i was distracting you while you were in the cage, you could have told me. i would have stopped coming so you could focus."

now that gets luka's attention, because just like a switch was flipped, he's back to whining playfully, and his mechanical arm reaches over to grab your wrist. "and have my lucky charm miss out on me absolutely kicking ass in the ring? no way!"

you deadpan. he really has a way of confusing you - going from droopy puppy to a golden retriever in seconds. he notices your look, and his grin turns cheeky, nudging your side. "i never said being distracted by you was a bad thing. i would lose all my fights if it meant seeing your pretty face every second of the day."

you blink, a little stunned by his confession, but you shake it off with a sigh. well, it seems he was all patched up, and judging from his flirty comebacks, he was feeling well again.

"you seem better already. i guess i'll take my leave, then-" "not yet!"

luka's grip tightens on your wrist, and you wince as the metal digs into your skin. he notices, and quickly lets up a little. "you still haven't given me an answer." now this confuses you even more, and your brows furrow. "wha-"

luka cuts you off by pressing his own kiss to your cheek, and now it's your turn for your face to turn the color of his hair. you stare at each other, his eyes glinting with mischief whilst yours reflect utter confusion.

and then, luka gets a roll of bandages to the face.

"ouch! come on, (y/n)!"

"shut up, you moron."

and even as luka whines about how you've 'injured his heart,' and that 'you'll need to heal him again with more of your sweet kisses' - you can't fight back against the affectionate smile that spreads across your face.

luka pauses as he sees you, openly smiling at him instead of hiding your face, or glaring at him as he normally sees you doing. so, he matches your look, and leans in to gently nuzzle your cheek with his nose.

"see what i mean? you're way too pretty to not be a distraction."

⋆ 𓏲 𓂅 ๑ 𓍼 𓏲 ⋆

hope you enjoyed reading!! likes + reblogs are greatly appreciated. feel free to drop any requests too!! but i'm still learning how tumblr works so (╥ᆺ╥；)

[ninjagirlstar5]

This boy really tried to be a hero and save his friends, only for everything to backfire on him, huh?

Anyways, Yamato's design didn't really change all that much. Honestly, I thought it was good even if it didn't completely scream inventor or anything. He looks like teenager being inspired to dress up like his favorite Jojo character and I respect that, tbh. His design slays while turning it into his own. And it kinda fits since it's apparent that he likes anime or similar media at the start of Chapter 6 with the way he introduced himself, but he obviously only acts that way due to the brain damage (that is probably not written very well, I think). The most I changed was the colors and added a bit more detail to his coat or changing small details like the shoulder pads on his...well, shoulders. His button-up became a dark gray, he looks like he's wearing jeans instead of white dress-up pants which I feel like fits him more, white sneakers, and changed certain colors. Like, seriously. Why is the handkerchief in his pocket both blue AND red? The red doesn't even pop up anywhere else. And for some reason the top part of his coat collar is silver??? When it's probably suppose to be the same blue of his undercoat?? At least if you're gonna make it a different color, use the gold you're already using with his shoulder pads! Anyways, I gave him goggles which I have them hanging on his hat (which I just traced, tbh, hats are the bane of my existence next to hands). The goggles are to tie in his Ultimate Inventor status and I desaturated his eyes just a tiiiiny bit. And with his hatless sprite, he is done! Also, I ended up darkening his skin. Cause...why not.

Anyways, I've been struck with the idea of Yamato reuniting with the class at the end of Chapter 3 but still suffering from his brain damage so he struggles to communicate anything, let alone the whole Plot(TM) with amnesia in the mix, but also letting us spend more time with him and see his personality peak through more with flaws and all and actually being able to interact with the others more, especially Rei and Teruya, and maybe have his FTEs developed more by dropping hints about his family, especially about how he feels about the divorce he and his dad went through (which is canon in his concept art as LINUJ specifically wrote it like that), and his regrets in how he treated Mikako at first and how he rejected her at first, which is probably the same as his father cause divorce is not easy for everyone, especially the kids, and how getting older and becoming kinder as he matured fuels him to try and be a better person and protect others, in this essay, I will-

[kukuandkookie]

I don’t feel like making a huge post about it right now since it would require me to write and compile images and I just screamed about it at my friends BUT…

If you’re a fan of Black Butler I recommend you check out 《玷染》 (Dianran) aka Taint 👀

And yeah okay I know the English name is a little awkward considering what “taint” means in English slang, but tbh…considering how horny this manhua is, it’s actually a pretty fitting name. 😂

But yes here’s why:

^ …Yeah I could just leave it at “read it for the hot characters” but actually I will add some more context below hahahaha:

It’s got demons, tentacles, sexualization of the church, mysteries involving dark/demonic entities in a European-inspired setting, and a bit of (not a lot just yet but still seems to be gearing up for more!) commentary on the gaps between classes.

We’ve also gotten a few clues to both main characters’ pasts, and they seemingly involve torture, experimentation, demons, deaths, amnesia, and more suffering.

It’s actually really interesting given we’re still early on in the story and we’ve gotten a few big crumbs so far, but they are still crumbs. I’m quite curious as to how all the parts of the backstory revealed so far tie together and led to our protagonists meeting the way they did today. 👀

Also the demon, Cross or Kurose, who has tentacles and is super attached to Eli, a member of the church, is very flirtatious and touchy-feely and even gets tortured and leashed and muzzled…

So you know. If you’re into that stuff, this manhua has a lot of it, even with censorship being in place. I’m genuinely surprised by how much it got away with; like in the most recent chapter (chapter 13 as of the time I’m writing this post), Cross rips off Eli’s underwear. 😂

I hope some people join me in this fandom eventually LGNSKFJSKS. So far it feels like I’ve been bursting to get my friends to read it and share it but I don’t want to be annoying to them haha.

Like if you enjoy Black Butler and I Have to Be a Great Villain and Kiss the Abyss and series like those, this could be up your alley!!

(Of course, do be aware that like those series, this one also contains “dark” content! Specifically violence with blood and all that, some less than consensual sexually tense encounters, and even body horror!)

Although I will say that hell, Cross isn’t that “toxic” or “violently possessive” of a love interest so far. He’s just clearly got his own goals which occasionally clashes with Eli’s, but it’s clear he really really likes Eli and doesn’t actually want him to come to harm, to the point of protecting him. And even when Eli is harsh with him in his distrust, Cross doesn’t mind. It makes for a fun dynamic. 👀

There is an English “fan” translation out there, but the original is on the QQ manhua app!

[mukuberry]

spill the beans.

ooooooooookey dokey boss, i dont have any pictures of them though :( just some pages in my phone notebook..... I'll do my best to summarise them!! i probably wont ever do any proper ocgram thingy with em so ill just spill their secrets hehe... theres 13/14 so ill put them under a cut!!

001! most of them dont have names yet lol i hate picking names 😔 but he's wonderful.... he's 11 and he's a lil silly ^^ he grew up with a single mother who began dating a very abusive man and then they both started abusing him, so he's extremely distrusting of adults. she got pregnant and he realised he needs to protect his siblings, but knows he cant hope to fight back against his parents, so instead he decides to secretly kill the baby after theyre born to prevent them for suffering. He's done this 3 times! He has alot of angelic imagery since he views himself as a saviour. Uhmmm OH his cover songs are Cosmic Rendezvous-> Psychogram-> Mirai Yo. Im not super happy with the picks tbh so they might change...

002! She's 43 and her first name is Yukino :) no last name yet.... she's based on a Kazui theory i saw when Cat came out that's definitely not true and was talked about in a pretty discriminatory way, so ive decided to steal the idea and make it better. She craves violence/abuse and has a gore kink, but has done her very best to repress those feelings and live a normal life, believing herself to be a monster for having these feelings and thoughts. She definitely has OCD. She has a daughter and had a husband, but abandoned them both after seeing her child do the same things she did as a child when her interest in violence started building, thinking that its her influence that caused it and that her child will be normal without her around. Also because if she's got no one tieing her down, she can maybe indulge in her fantasies instead of living a proper life. Her husband, not being able to handle the abandonment + knowledge that the one he loved was fantasing about him suffering the entire time + not being able to look after a child alone, takes his own life.... im not too happy with the murder tbh i might change it later......... she's great though i love her. Her cover songs are Hibana -> Animal -> Mosquito!

003! No name but he's baby. Actually he's 16 but to me he's baby. The first thing he does in milgram is demand a lawyer and tell the warden his murder was self defence (it wasnt). He forces all the other kids into doing his study club while they're in there... he's very 'proper' yknow. He's kinda like Nervous from the first novel if uve read it, went to middle school and became so anxious with being mistreated by his classmates and the adults that he tried to be perfect... and it worked! Until he entered high school, and there's this one girl in his class who is just slightly better than him..... so he pushes himself more and more, secretly hating her and himself for not being good enough. One day, late at night, she finds him on his own, at a pier. She tries to befriend him, since she's just like him, and wants to help him with his burdens and for them both to drop the perfect act...... unfortunately for her, he (again) hates her and cannot comprehend that someone could see through his act and would still love him, has a slight mental breakdown and beats her to death with debris near by, and dumps her body in the water. He gets to be perfect again yayyyyy ^_^ he's the most developed in terms of milgram routes, but I'll maybe talk about them another time.... his cover songs are Angel Hair-> Antibeat-> Theory Of Negativity

004! Kanae ♡ she's a complete hermit! A childhood schizophrenic (18 now) who was neglected by her family and outcasted at school, she's completely dependent on her psychosis, as it gives her companionship and purpose she doesn't have elsewhere. She's aware that she's schizophrenic, but has no intention of getting better. Upon entering milgram her psychosis has come to a (temporary) stop, so she spends most of her time in the prison with 010, since 10 (Kanami) never shuts up and is fine with Kanae not saying much in return. She can't stand silence. She had a younger sister (10ish?) who she was expected to look after since her parents aren't home much, however considering her mental state she can't really look after a child... so after not being fed in awhile, said child tries to make herself food! Only for Kanae to leave her room for the first time in days and finding her sister dead from accidentally poisoning herself;; oops! Her cover songs are Nocturnal Kids -> Liar Dance -> MKDR

005! Probably my favourite ♡ he's one of 3 explicitly queer characters, canonically being in love with his victim and being trans-coded... not explicitly trans but damn can u read his story as a trans story!! He's 17, popular, pretty, rich, has a loving family, his grades aren't perfect but they're still good, and he's genuinely pretty nice to people... he's living his best life! He doesn't know why he's in milgram, he hasn't killed anyone, he swears! A kid went missing in his class sure, but they weren't close, he knows literally nothing about that! Atleast thats what he says ^_^ teehee.... i wanna keep his murder a secret its more fun that way... he's probably the 3rd most unforgivable person in here :) his cover songs are Cinderella-> Secret Feast-> Ghost Rule

006! Haruki :) a lil shy but really nice! She's 28, but when she tells people they don't believe her since she acts kinda childish... she's also a system! But she thinks she's a spirit medium since she keeps introjecting dead people... her system has 6 alters in total, maybe 7 depending on what happens in the prison... but the story only really focuses on 4/5 of them. She lives in a shitty apartment and mostly lives of the money her grandmother sends because she can't hold a job (she tries her best!), her victim is her closest (and only) friend, they met a few years back at an old job and have been inseparable since.... they spend most of their time together. This friend however has lived a very difficult life and struggles alot with suicidal thoughts, basically only staying alive for her sake. She's learned to not tell people about how she's basically 'possessed by ghosts' after growing up being treated like a freak for it, but watching his mental state get worse and hearing him talk about how he wants everything to stop, she decides to tell him the truth. Both because he's important to her and wants him to know this very personal thing about her, and because it's basically like saying "hey when you die you don't actually stop existing, so you should just stay alive 😁". Unfortunately, he hears this and thinks "wow if i die i get to be a part of my favourite person 24/7???? hell yeah" so he convinces her to help him kill himself ^^ she refuses at first, but eventually gives in and watches him get hit by a train. And thus, she gains another alter...... her cover songs are Two Breaths Walking -> Zombies -> Undead Alice!

007! He's a bastard. He's sarcastic, blunt, rude and thinks everything sucks forever. He's 24. He's also based on a kazui theory! Mine from t1 thats definitely no longer canon... so ive taken it and made it much worse!! But from an outsiders POV it looks more like fuuta's story, with it being centred on toxic online groups,, he lived a very normal and good life! He was popular in school, graduated with top marks, went to a good college, graduated, went to a good uni, graduated, got into a good job, got a girlfriend- and surely he'll marry her and have kids and move into a big house and watch his kids grow up and die. That's what he's been told to do, that's what everyone does! Except for some reason he can't comprend, he feels completely dead inside. Theres a ball of dread in his chest and its building everyday until he can't ignore it. Everything feels empty and numb outside of this feeling. So he looks for answers, and while he doesn't find any, what he does find is a group of people on social media who feel exactly like he does. They don't try to lie and say everything's fine and that he needs to just power through, everything sucks and they're the only ones admitting it. They don't encourage eachother to get better, they help eachother get worse, because life is terrible so why shouldn't you just do what you want? And 007 gets sucked in completely. He quits his job, cuts off his girlfriend and friends, and moves back in with his parents, to their dismay. That was 6ish months ago. He's obsessed with social media and will do anything to feel alive in this terrible world. So, of course, when one of his online friends tells him she wants to die, why wouldn't he wish her luck? Life is terrible, he's kinda jealous that she can actually do it while he can't. And then he wakes up in the milgram prison ^_^ his cover songs are Chimera-> Otome Dissection-> Rabbit Hole!

008! She's even worse ♡ actually when writing this i kinda had a better idea for her story, but since its just came to my head I'll have to think on it a lil more.... uhm for now though she's 32 and also thinks life sucks but she's (kinda) over it now. She's used to being at the bottom of society but takes out her feelings by looking down on people even lower than her. Until i figure her out more thats all i can say TT her cover songs are Psuedo-hope Syndrome -> Delusion Tax -> Mono Poisoner!

009! Taisei Furukawa... he's the second one i made so he has a full name yay :] he's my second canonically queer character, he's gay and has had one boyfriend basically his entire life! They met as kids in the same elementary school, his bf came from a very shitty family and Taisei was the first person to treat him kindly and stick by his side no matter what. Unfortunately, his boyfriend kinda sucks, and is lowkey highkey abusive, isolating Taisei from everyone so they both only have eachother. Taisei only realises just how much his boyfriend had ruined his life at 25, and he's pissed ^_^ he knows he can't just break up with him, his boyfriend definitely won't let that happen, and he has no one to turn to for help. So the logical thing here to do is to turn the tables on his bf and try to convince him into a double suicide. Taisei doesn't have much desire to live after being worn down for so long, and he needs to make sure his bf won't just find and abuse someone else once he's gone, so a double suicide is the best option. Sure, he could do a murder homocide, but after how long he's suffered, he kinda wants his bf to feel how he feels... and it works :) the both jump of their apartment building, his boyfriend dies and Taisei wakes up in the milgram jail with a fucked up leg, needing crutches to walk. He's kinda antisocial and grumpy in t1 for understandable reasons (though he helps the kids with the study group at times), but if he's forgiven he becomes alot warmer and friendlier :) there's alot of art symbolism in his story... his cover songs are Turret Of Justice-> 118-> Shinkai Summit!

010! Kanami Shimizu!!!!!!!!! The girlie ever!!!! And the 3rd and final canonically queer character, she's a trans lesbian. She's 23 and so full of life and love and she's so so kind and energetic and kinda annoying but she's just so happy to be in jail with everyone!!!!!!!! She's the first one i made... however i kinda scrapped her murder awhile back since i didn't like it, but i don't have a new one yet :( but whatever her murder is, her personality and ideals remain the same! She's been hurt alot in life, and when she looks around she realises that everyone is the same. She can't live in the real world, it'd crush her, she knows this, so she wants to make a paradise where everyone can be happy forever... and milgram is the perfect place for it!!! So you have to forgive everyone for her ok ^_^ if you don't she won't forgive you. She won't let you ruin this for everyone. Her cover songs are Home -> Please Show Me -> Hedgehog!!

011.... doesn't exist!!! Not anymore i killed him sorry. I didn't like his story that much, but I'm too commited to following the og milgrams male/female prisoner pairings to just leave it at 11 prisoners, so I'll just wait for a new guy to appear in my mind.........................

012! She's 12! No name! My most recent one (except for the former 011 rest in peace). She's being a nuisance for everyone in the prison, she has alot of rage and she will make sure everyone hears it!!!!! She's friends with 001 and she tolerates Taisei but everyone else is her enemy and she WILL fight them if they cross her, which would be scary if she wasn't like 5ft. Her murder is just teenage rebellion went a lil too far........ she doesn't fit in at her new school and acts out, but all the adults in her life don't really get involved, just saying it's a phase she'll grow out of. This only makes her act out more, and more, and more, until it gets out of hand and someone dies. She didn't want any of that to happen, but in milgram she insists she's happy about it and is very very evil and scary so you should listen to her before she kills you as well. She has alot of animal (specifically bear) imagery :) her cover songs are Parasite -> Aitai-lians -> Lonely Shit!

The warden! Our beloved Es he's such a loser. He enters the prison not really taking any of this seriously, and does his best to be as annoying as possible to everyone, he's convinced he's the biggest freak here and he will prove it. Unfortunately for him he is definitely not the biggest freak here and by the start of the second trial he's learned this the hard way. He's an efficient warden despite everything, knowing what to say to rile the prisoners up so they spill information, however he quickly starts losing control of everything and it's kinda pitiful....... his cover song is Salamander!

Jackalope! She fucking hates the warden ^_^ she's secretly a lil fond of him but she'd never admit it. She's very no-nonsense and constantly lectures him to do his job properly, and usually ends up cleaning up after him.... she's not a very good Jackalope, she gets attached to everyone too easily, even if she pretends to be aloof. Jackas dont have cover songs, very very sad....

Mmmmmmmm thats everything!! That was alot more than i thought i wont blame u if u dont read everything.... was fun to infodump about though, thanks for asking lol. Im gonna screenshot everything i just wrote incase tumblr eats it like it did last time,,

[mrs-monaghan]

Hey! Really enjoy your blog.

I don't put a lot of stock into social media interactions as indicators of closeness but then as one of your anons rightly mentioned - the members are also co-workers and public figures who have a responsibility (kind of) to keep up an image of ot7. Given how vocal almost all of them have been about returning as a team in 2025… how does that tie in with the perceived lack of closeness and basic congratulations (on SM) for vmin?

Wouldn't there be some kind of hesitancy from v and Jimin if such a possible lack of closeness existed? Especially since they've been very loud about their friendship/soulmate status and it maybe does hurt on loosing friendships (or maybe not loosing but cooling down of) ..

Also I haven't been here in the fandom for a long time (less than a few months frankly, so maybe my opinions are not that well formed or accurate) but is this lack of closeness something that has been observed by you since some time or is it a new development?

It's a new development for me tbh. For some people they think there has always been something shady going on with Vmin. Like when V said Jimin likes men at a radio station, something that had the potential to go really bad if Jimin hadn't been quick witted with his reply. "I don't like you." But that could be chalked to immaturity and the fact that BTS did not have mouth filters back then. I mean, can u imagine 2023 BTS admitting they watch porn?

Coz I sure can't. The bigger they got the more careful they had to become.

Another example from the past i see people giving is this one. As u can tell from Jimin's face he wasn't expecting that question

I would go as far as to say he was taken aback. As we all know Jimin is sensitive with the weight topic. So some people think V should have known that. But as usual Jimin diverted the situation and the interview continued.

But what if this was just their dynamic back then? Picking on eo? Like when every member was asked who they would introduce their sister to and they all said Jimin except V. And that other time Jimin was asked what he would do if he was king for a day he said he would make V his slave so he could stab him?? 😂😂 I can't remember exactly what he said but it was something along the lines of making V suffer. For soulmates they sure used to fight alot. 😂

I have always found them to be cute and adorable but even as u watch their early content u will notice V treats JK now the way he used to treat Jimin. He used to be all over Jimin, used to tell him I love u all the time, used to always choose Jimin, etc. But Jimin seemed to have put up some boundaries between them in recent years. If this has to do with JK, idk.

Because Jimin is not as touchy feely as he used to be... with all of them not just V. So this skinship part of things could be Jikook related. Yes I know he kissed Jhope on his birthday but I dare u to find JK "jealous" moments when it comes to Jhope. Real ones, not out of context ones. They are close to none. Very, very, few. JK doesn't have an issue with Jihope moments.

While we are on the topic have u guys ever noticed when Jhope hugs Jimin he turns his body so they're not hugging front to front but rather front to side?

So yes... I wonder what's Jikook related and what isn't. 🤔 maybe Hobi knows how JK can get? Idk. Just food for thought.

Anyway, I digress. Back on the Vmin topic. I honestly didn't see it as anything. Not even after Jikookers started having an issue with it. But now it's kind of hard to ignore. He really is doing it on purpose and I can't help but side eye him a little bit. U know?

But like u said, would Jimin want to come back as ot7 if there was animosity between them? I think from the latest ot7 content (Jhope BB) its safe to say there is no animosity.

I'm not sure i answered your question but I'm not the best person to ask this. Because I didn't have an issue with this until I saw he keeps doing the same thing over and over without fail.

But I still maintain my stand that I hold nothing against the man as long as Jikook continue to be okay with him. And that seems to be the case rn. So if Jimin and JK don't have an issue with V, neither do I. Haters will always hate no matter what. But I can and will listen to other Jikookers who have an issue and I do see where they're coming from.

[joesalw]

hey, I saw your take on the break up and thought this was a safe place to say what I think might have happened. I wanted to know what you think. She adresses joe's struggle with mental ilness in many songs, right? but till the end of folkmore era, it was always in a supportive way. and then we got Renegade and you're losing me. I think she tried to support and understand him for years, but she eventually became tired and wanted more than he could offer. I think she might have wanted to get married to feel emotionally secured, but also because of the media pressure, like she also wanted to prove a point, and joe wasn't in a rush to cause of the struggles and the fact that that would forever tie him to a life he might not have idealized for himself, because of the massive fame. I hated how antonoff apparently dissed him in "everybody's an art bro lately talking shit abt your famous baby". like, if it was really bout joe, that was such a shitty thing to do. I can't imagine that the only person in her circle that'd sign the ceasefire petition is the villain. I got this impression that he's really a guy with a integrity that makes her feel small when she talks shit with her friends. I got the impression that she's very tied to fame and being the next biggest thing, the best in the industry, and her friends are all so much like that that a guy like joe could be completely misunderstood and accused of being pretentious. I think she tried to be like him because she admired it, but eventually felt rejected or not valued enough, and it grew a lot of resentment, which made her go back to the old ways, with all the friends that are so much more like her, as soon as she saw the new hype folkmore and midnights gave her. i think folklore was already a resigned TS, thinking the young promising years in pop were past her and wanting to improve in quality, before thinking she could still be "bejewleed". I think it came all at once to her, and I wouldn't doubt that the joe she described in you're losing me could be someone already seeing all that and not wanting to be there, but also not wanting to be the bad guy and break up with her, which is not nice, but I still can understand him much more tbh. I think I can see her wanting to change an be like him, only to not be able too and feel resentful, more than I can picture her trying to change him. What do you think?

What you wanted to say to justify her emotions is valid but it doesn’t give her the rights to publicly shame him and throw him under the bus either

I think that she's a horrible person because she knows that joe suffers from anxiety and mental health issues better than anyone and still went on to bring a hate trend upon him because he simply denied to marry her. She made her friends publicly unfollow him because she wanted to give her cult a green flag for bullying him. Also imagine making your partner's mental health all about you and writing songs for that, she really has a main character syndrome, she has to make everything about herself. I think Joe took the right decision by not marrying her. And after seeing how she dealt/is dealing with the whole situation, I'm sure he is letting out a sigh in relief.

[psychewritesbs]

Hello, I wonder what do you think of Megumi, Hana and Noritoshi as a trio? I know they're a weird team but tbh I've always wanted Gege to explore Megumi's parallels with these two. Hana representing the childish naivety of Megumi's tendency to put 'good' people like Tsumiki and Yuji on a pedestal (I'm not sure if it was linkspooky or you who pointed this out, or maybe both) and Noritoshi Kamo mirroring Megumi's circumstances as someone whose origins tie him to the big clans (like Naobito tying Megumi down to the Zenin by making him a clown head). And while they both went about this particular circumstance differently, I still believe there's so much similarities to explore between them.

I think if Gege plans on showing us Megumi's progress of growing out of his initially flawed and childish mindset, that seeing him grow alongside Hana and Noritoshi would be really interesting. And personally I just want some love shown to Noritoshi and esp. Hana. Like the hate on her in this fandom is so disheartening to see. The way people mock her for falling to Sukuna's obvious honeytrap and comparing her to Nobara. Like I get it jjk fans like strong, no-nonsense, I don't need no man female personalities, but I feel like it's being over-glorified to the point of absurdity y'know. Like anyone who falls short of that category is immediately a bad character. And in Hana's case it's almost as if character backstory doesn't matter.

Nonetheless, I hope Hana and Noritoshi's continued existence in the manga means Gege still has something planned for them. And I hope Gege will finally explore Megumi's dynamic with other characters more upon his return.

Anon! Love the thoughts! Thanks for sharing them.

To be honest I had never given much thought to them as a trio, but I love what you've written about them as if they existed on a continuum with Nori on one end (responsibility), Megumi in the middle, and Hana at the opposing end (naivety).

I have to say that one of the things I did like about Sakurajima was getting to see Nori more deeply as a character. Especially after he had been kicked out of the clan and how that had affected his sense of self.

As for Hana... le sigh. Tell me about it anon. I think I posted about it before but to me hating on Hana looks like hating on one's own naivety and vulnerability.

I just get the sense that Hana sees herself as a magical girl and was naive enough to think her power of love and friendship had managed to save Megumi. So it's almost like she felt like she had been able to do for him what she had done for her.

That's not to mention that Sukuna fully intended to fool her, so this literally shows why Sukuna thinks love is useless.

As per usual, I think this might be a case of "people can only see things as deeply as they see themselves".

Also, I so love your comment on how a character that doesn't fit that specific mold (strong, no-nonsense, I don't need no man female personalities) is considered bad writing.

The "bad writing" allegations in this fandom often come back to "I didn't like it or it didn't live up to my expectations, so therefore it's objectively bad".

I can see why the execution might feel sloppy, and why people are tired of the "girl pines for boy" trope in animanga, and she does suffer from side af character syndrome, but Hana is by no means a bad character for having a crush on Megumi.

Anyways! Here's to seeing other characters support Megumi in the future anon! Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.

[buck-yyyy]

BUCKY BUCKY HI HOW ARE YOU??? HOW WAS YOUR DAY??

I COME WITH GIFTS FOR YOU!! i'm not finished yet BUT i'm SO CLOSE to being done, and i made sure to write down everything to tell you on a sheet of paper (it's titled "pour bucky <3" in the floweriest rune font i could do)

i could DEFINITELY write an analysis about the twins' parallels and richard's obsession with camilla and what that means for his heterosexuality

richard ONLY likes "ebullient" girls (also bright-eyed), a word with which i was, surprisingly, unfamiliar with, but a quick check of my dictionary says that it's "cheerful" or "happy". this isn't really anything to note, except that i saw it and the "bull" part and thought it was another synonym for masculine adhbfjadf

aw francis bought richard a tie <3

"a trick i learned from henry" THE BOYFRIENDISM OF IT

richard noticing things about henry <3

"glowing" richard that is NOT how people describe sunburns. you're just gay.

francis omg what (<- i have no idea the context for this)

"lovely strong muscled legs" i mean. i can appreciate a hot muscle lady too. but richard

"masculine" THE AMOUNT OF TIME HE DESCRIBES CAMILLA AS MASCULINE AND HOW MUCH HE LIKES HER FOR IT I'M FUCKING SOBBING

parallel (this was about camilla was being described beautiful and how much she looks like charles. richard WHAT is going through your brain)

richard should've left charles in jail tbh (DFUAHDA THIS IS ABOUT HIM AND CAMILLA AND LIKE. I HOPE HE DIES IN THE HOSPITAL, SOBER AND SUFFERING)

francis and his love of charles. francis. you're great. but man do you have bad taste

did he just fantasize about life with francis???

richard. richard what the fuck (<- also don't know the context for this but it's a pretty good summary of this book tbh)

"the glow of his praise" just say you're gay for him, richard. just say you're gay for henry and that he makes you feel funny inside.

"I had never thought henry handsome" mhm sure. an offshoot of this is his later description of henry being "tigerish in his grace" and my man WHAT (<- i audibly said that "my man what" like. 5 times ahfdafdsa)

jealousy (richard asking about camilla and henry is giving such jealous vibes, but in the context it seemed like he wanted to be with henry and was jealous of camilla)

henry really living up to his name, bc this is some vecna-esque shit right here

nah bucky you're right, winterpapen is OUT, richard x francis for the win

"i put my hand on his arm" there is literally NO reason to write this. it serves no narrative purpose. i mean. why include this if not gay 🤷‍♀️

richard and his homoerotic, daddy issues-fueled obsession with julian

finally saw the cover 💀 i thought it was abstract but nope that is a whole face 💀

anyways if this book doesn't end with "looking back on this, I think i;m gay" i am going to astral project into it and shake richard by the throat

SHSJXBAKXBS KAYE I LOVE ALL OF THIS SO MUCH LMAO

AND YAYYYYYYY RICHARD AND FRANCIS FOR THE WIN FR FR!!!!!! I’M SO GLAD THAT YOU’RE LIKING THE BOOK :DDDD

[emmalovesfitzloved]

Who are your fav characters, and why ? And favourit ship/s ?

Eeeeek finally getting round to this lovely ask by the smartiest @imabitchforjemcarstairs hehehe

I have answered this lovely q, and here is the link for the full unhinged answer for the "why" them, hehe.

But the TLDR just for fire rapid answers is:

Favourite characters:

Alastair

Will/Tessa (tie)

Thomas

Matthew

Kitty and Jessa tie

Malec (if allowed a sixth place)

Top Ships:

Thomastair

Wessa

Kitty

Jemma

Malec

(lots of cheating with the ties, but im going to be honest, i can't choose frfr)

Now to enjoy this read and not make and make this answer half assed, I will be original and give my two cents on the topic of Wessa vs. Jessa i haven't had the time to chat about until now. So technically you didn't ask for this lol but i feel like we love Jem and this is a perfect opportunity to give an essay responce on the whole shindig :)

So scooch in for me @imabitchforjemcarstairs we need a chat ;) .

On the topic of Jessa vs. Wessa vs. Herongraystairs in TID:

I think I liked them a lot especially in TID, but i think that the lack of Jem POV makes it hard to really understand what's going inside in his head. And i think the relationship as a ship in writing, suffers from it, especially when we have Will's POV. And that rather, the decisions that 'metamorph' in their relationship is out of Jessa's hands, but a response to the events CC convienently plops in, not allowing any of these three characters decided eyes wide open their fate. Which imo, is a cop out. Let's breakdown the sneaky manipulative writing CC did ;)

I recently reread TID (for about the 10th time now, as one does during the christmas season lol) and found that even during the Herongraystairs arc, it felt like the writing gave more bonding and more to Wessa than Jessa. I call this in romance novels the, "convincing period", where the author in those formative chapters has to convince the reader that these two individuals should be in a ship. CC convinced us on Wessa bc they were into each other since day 0 when Will saved her from the Twin sisters, had so many hobbies in common and shared the same common struggles of figuring out who they want to be in this world (Will struggling w/ his identity and curse and Tessa as a weird hybrid warlock who constantly gets gaslit her who life). So the convincing is done well there i think we can all agree on that pretty easily.

For Jem and Tessa, it seems as if Tessa always defaulted to him because he was a failsafe from Will. And i don't mean that negatively, but in that, he was brilliant, light, elegant, poised and studied and that is literally sexy as hell lol. LIKE COME ON, HE MADE MUSIC ON HIS VIOLIN FOR HERRR. THAT'S HELLA ROMANTIC. And is very "show don't tell" when it comes to his love, my fav trope. He is very clear, which at the time, was the opposite of Will. So that in of itself is attractive to Tessa. But it's a canon event, that she went into the engagement collaterally in book 2, bc Will constantly kept deflecting what they had. She wouldn't have explored a relationship with Jem, if it weren't for Will's deflections. This is literally a canon event. And Tessa wanted to explore what she had with Jem bc he was very decided and less flakey than Will. Which tbh makes utter sense to me!

But as you can see, later on, once Jem leaves the silent brothers, the way i interpreted this is that, Jem and Tessa became a thing bc of the history they have, the loyalty they have to the trio friendship group and bc Tessa doesn't have Will anymore. It's giving very much "begin again" by Taylor Swift Vibes (not too much but yk kinda that aesthetic). And what I'm trying to say, is that I read the Jessa relationship at a disadvantage when up against Wessa. I think CC would have benefited writing Jessa and Wessa independent, and not collaterally contigent on the happenings of what was going on with the status of the other relationship. And then, on Wessa's side in response to Jem leaving for the Silent Brothers, they didn't want to get together in Book 3, bc Will didn't want to take his best mate's girl away bc his best mate never asks anything of Will and he's also high key dying.

It’s unfair that Wessa happened bc Will felt like there was a curse which gave way for Jessa’s engagement, and conversely, it’s unfair that Wessa only got together once the silent brothers made Jem one of them. So again, the autonomy of these characters are not happening 'authentically' but are happening bc of circumstances.

There is also the accidental (ig) trope that Jem with his illness he was given which in political theory we call, “the children are dying” trope. Which means, you give blanket equity or veto power to someone irrespective of the context of deserving because they are “closer to death” than anyone else. This is THE DRIVING FORCE, of why everyone acts the way they do around poor Jem and it drives him, and us the readers crazy, rightfully so. Jem and Will become friends, not because Will at first fr liked Jem as a person or thought he was a talented shadowhunter, but “because he was dying”, blanket permission for friendship. Tessa was kind to Jem at first because, you guessed it, blanket permission because he is closer to death than she is. They get engaged despite not knowing each other for a long time, conveniently for Jem because, yes, he’s close to death. So much of autonomy is once again stripped from characters around Jem, because most of their actions are respective to his illness. Which is polite, lovely, but it rightfully upsets Jem because he is still a person. Not a a make a wish kid nor a charity case. This was touched on briefly when he said he didn’t want a nurse out of Tessa but a wife. This wasn’t morally delved into deeply save for Tessa’s answer “no I fr like u dude wdym” but than her actions proceed to default back to the “children are dying” complex around him. And we’re only freed from this trope finally once Jem has lived basically the immortal life and is a very changed person after silent brotherhood.

So WTF to do right? Seems like CC built up amazing grounds and complications in these characters, but what to do right? How can she wrap this up in a nice bow? Well CC went naturally via the occam's razor route, which is: Jem becomes a literal monk giving him 'immortality', so circumstantially, the only option JUST SO HAPPENS that Will and Tessa can be together. Again, its not a decision Tessa makes, its a problem that solves itself for Tessa. She goes with Will for now, and maybe in the future, she will go with Jem if he ever leave the silent brothers.

Which again, imo is a bit of a cop out. But CC didn't allow Tessa to put her big girl panties and choose a man. But one thing is clear, which is CC didn't write Will and Jem equal from the start. And it is very clear that Will was written from the beginning as the forbidden love and chosen one. Which is extremely unfair to Jem bc there is so much we could have learned and gained from a Jem pairing that DIDN'T happen bc of the circumstances of Wessa not working out. I truly think that Jem was written with an unfair disadvantage. Like i said, One bc his POV hasn't ever been explored that well. and Two, bc all of Tessa's choices weren't made bc she willed them, but bc CC wrote the circumstances in to take away the choice for her.

Now what I do think is right, is that Jessa, both being immortal are together later on in Shadowhunter Canon. I love Mina and I love what they can be for each other. They make each other happy. And for anyone who says that you can have only 1 love in ur life has a very romantic judeo-catholic view on things XD. U can have many loves in ur life, and each of them can be independent from each other. Love is not mutually exclusive. How is it that you can love unbundently and feel equal love for your multiple pets and children, but not find it in yourself to love more than 2 men? It is entirely possible. And so I do think there is room for Jessa, even if Wessa happened first. And I don't think it is disrespectful or cheating to remarry or find another love after one has ended.

I read criticism about them and how they don't live up to the same version as they were in TID, but i think living hundreds of years does that to you. And i don't think it's the fault of anyone in the pairing to 'bring out' the best in the other, but they can also be very changed people from when they were young. This criticism that they aren't great together later on in life is rooted in their own way of dealing with immortality AND THEN each other. I think what is a pity is that it isn't explored as well as Magnus's immortality has shaped his life which i think again, puts Jessa at a disadvantage. Magnus' continuity as I explained before is given a wider girth than Jessa which is why he is my preferred immortal. But then again, what would Magnus do, if he was immortal forever with his ship? He would be a very changed person he wouldn’t be his own comedic relief that’s for sure. In fact, Camille was not wrong when she said that immortality changes your relationship greatly. Where she fucked up was treating poor babygirl Magnus like shit just in general lol, and being immortal doesn't mean u have to be an asshole. I think immortality truly did a number on Jem and Tessa, irrespective of each other and has not a lot to do with Jem or how he treats her, but a lot about how how Tessa and Jem are quite literally a hundreds of year old great grandma and gramdpa hahahahaha.

But if Will were still alive or immortal like Tessa, would Tessa still be with him now that she has the option of being with Jem forever? Again, we are stripped away from that option because the circumstances decided over the characters. But I do think she would still chose Will.

Final question is, would Herongraystairs actually work? The answer in CC's eyes and again, the occam's razor answer is obviously 'yes'. In fact Tessa herself in Book 3 said it is entirely possible to be in love with 2 people at once and I think poly relationships are a beautiful thing. But is it the easiest and first answer, or is it the TRUE answer? Again, that we will never know bc Tessa's decisions on this matter are in response to the environment she is in, not because she truly believes it.

It is very clear that Will is written all across Tessa's mind in Book 1, and is what she thinks about 24/7. There were times where i was like, "girl just go up to him and JUST EXPLODE UR FEELS ON HIM UR GIVING ME A HEADACHE". But the plot just so conveniently every time they had a moment alone, would get 'interrupted' and the moment was gone. Only after in response to this mess of a situationship, did she go for Jem bc of his ease and what he represented (which we talked about before^) but it wasn't equally organic. It was in response to what happened with Will. Truly we all know, that Tessa would not have even considered Jem, if Will and Tessa decided to be a couple and engage by book 1. And I hate that Jessa read to me as second best, instead of a true, equal 1st place like Wessa. Which is would have to be, in order to have a Herongraystairs. I don't like that CC made Jessa collateral, but tbh i think she didn't know how to chose in the making of TID. So instead of choosing or rewriting the relationship so that both ships were dealt with equally, she made the events of the plot decide for the characters instead.

In defence of CC, a lot of our lives happens in response to our surroundings and circumstances instead of pure Free Will. Which might ironically make Jessa and Wessa and Herongraystairs even more realistic than maybe the idyllic cleanly chosen choices. Life moves fast and we can barely respond to it in time. And what matters most at the end, is that all three of these characters love each other dearly and would be there for each other no matter what. However, the way the plot was almost TOO conveniently choosing everything instead of the characters making hand on heart choices, swings us back to being a bit too unrealistic.

I truly, really love Jessa and I would marry Jem myself lol, but I really disliked the way it wasn't dealt with fairly. I am happy that they end up together at the end, I just didn't like the way they went about it. I would be more sold on Herongraystairs if it was dealt with more evenly instead of the other side of the poly v, instead of being collaterally contingent to the happenings of Wessa. Who knows, CC said that Jessa will re-encounter Will again and not in shadowhunter heaven so i wonder if there is any ability to clean this all up. But bc of the way CC wrote Jessa over how i WISHED she wrote them, Jessa is not in the top 5 ships for me unfortunately. It's def top 10 (and for sure over Clare lol) probablly like 7th place but not top 5. I think there are other relationships in the Shadowhunter fandom that are written a lot more cleanly where the characters are given by CC more autonomy in their choices which makes it easier to follow along. Not to mention get their POVs.

I cannot wait for your own lovely essay on our fav Jem @imabitchforjemcarstairs ! I hope my re-mentioning of it doesn't come across as antsy or like i'm trying to 'remind you' passively lol. Which would be awfully rude. As you can tell, I took my time to reply to this one :). My intention is one of pure excitement, fandom-ing over it and showing support.

art credit: @giannyfili on instagram

[majorbaby]

bit of a confession: i'm not too fond of "trapper thinks hawkeye is dead" because there's an implied "... and that's why he didn't write" which assumes that this is canon, and it isn't. We don't know if he wrote. It's left intentionally ambiguous.

I think it is valid to headcanon him as having not written because he thought Hawkeye was dead though, and I see why tbh because it's easy enough to interpret Trapper's whole unquestioning support of Hawkeye as his being a very devoted and loving friend. Why would Trapper do all of that just to not write to Hawkeye? It kind of only makes sense with such a drastic explanation and well, The Late Captain Pierce happens so soon after Trapper leaves. I get it.

"Isn't that splitting hairs?" Well, I think it was a deliberate writing choice to not tie up that loose end with Trapper. No closure for the audience, no closure for Hawkeye.

GFA delivers closure to everyone. Actually, this is why I think GFA is one of the best executed finales of all time. It's very well acted and directed and written yes, but it's not without its flaws, some of which I think are glaring. And just the format of it alone means it's hard to analyze as an "episode of MASH". There are things about MASH that imo, do not translate well from a 20 minute format to a feature-length film.

But before this turns into the Trial of GFA, let me say the reason I say GFA is a great finale is because it is a proper farewell to the audience from the characters, all their loose threads tied up. This is something we were denied when Wayne left the show. Confirming whether or not Trapper wrote undercuts the non-goodbye, just like confirmation that the 4077th including BJ and Hawkeye ever see each other again undercuts their goodbye in GFA.

Trapper is invoked by the narrative three times and each time it pointedly does not create emotional stakes for Hawkeye. The first time is in PoA, where the person who has the biggest emotional response to the Trapper character is BJ (huge L, grow up BJ). It's BJ who has the worse reaction to the destruction of the still, in what I personally think is the only redeeming moment for him in that episode, when he shows remorse for having damaged something he knew was precious to Hawkeye in part because Hawkeye built it with Trapper. I don't think his response to Trapper being home is a Trapper-exclusive thing, because BJ also says he's jealous of Radar being home.

In Depressing News, Hawkeye isn't torn up about Trapper when he mentions him being replaced by BJ, he's torn up about how the military dehumanizes people and views them as disposable. Even if we are to believe Hawkeye is shown to be still mourning Trapper's exit, it ought to be nothing compared to the grief he must feel over Henry's death. And that is without even considering that Hawkeye is demonstrably happy for Trapper in Check-Up. So it is a big stretch for me to believe that this scene is about Hawkeye ruminating on Trapper.

Finally the Joker is Wild. Hawkeye has some fond words for Trapper but the point of this episode apparently is that Hawkeye has been tried by a jury of his peers, found guilty of being The Worst, Actually and should suffer for his crimes. The other point of the episode is that Trapper and the early years are also the worst, which is ironic considering how Joker is at best, MASH as a pale imitation of itself.

I lied, there is a fourth mention of Trapper, in GFA but before I get to that, I want to mention the weird snub in As Time Goes By. It is technically a snub because they mention Henry and not Trapper but let the record reflect that this episode is also MASH as a pale imitation of itself and on rewatch I think Trapper would have hated the sentimentalization of his time in Korea. Idk what BJ and Hawkeye especially are doing in this one. The point of this episode is to invoke fond and soft memories of cast members past, so my theory is that they couldnt mention Trapper for this reason. Maybe they still hate Wayne or something but from what I understand it as Mclean they were properly annoyed with.

Okay fourth, in GFA, when Hawkeye for the first time since Welcome to Korea expresses some hurt over Trapper's exit. Or does he?:

"BJ is not really what's bothering him" threw me when I first saw the script for GFA because i absolutely thought he was bothered by BJ leaving initially without saying goodbye. But whatever, point here is that if he's not upset about BJ, then there's no way he's upset about Trapper. Even before seeing this i found that line somewhat... well, if Hawkeye hadn't been through what he had been through and wasn't feeling so vulnerable and didn't have Margaret's shoulder to cry on prompting him to be more forthcoming than he might be otherwise... then I might call Hawkeye's lament melodramatic.

So all these examples show that I don't think the show was at all interested in giving us Hawkeye dealing with his feelings about Trapper post the first of Welcome to Korea. And you can imagine that had they confirmed he had written, or hadn't this would have engaged Hawkeye in that way.

I'm further convinced by the scene that didn't make into the show where Sidney asks Hawkeye if he'd heard from answer and Hawkeye has this infuritatingly vague response "He sent me a nail file in a cupcake". In theory Alan Alda's delivery might've swayed us one way or another but I can also imagine him saying it like a joke, of which he has no shortage of, that still wouldn't make it clearer.

The fact that they cut it altogether seems very deliberate. They did not want to talk about Trapper in a way that gave us any hints as to what their relationship (or lack thereof) might have been like after Wayne left the show.

And that's pretty clever, because it gives further further significance to Hawkeye's insistence that he and BJ have their goodbye. Hawkeye doubts they'll remain as close as they were in Korea once he and BJ go home, BJ clings to the idea that they will. Ultimately we do not know if they will. When asked if they might see each other again, Alan Alda maintained the ambiguity, (paraphrase) "they might, if we wrote it" which I personally see as "no" because they did not write it. But there is also "they might". It's ambiguous. Sucks doesn't it? But that is what fanfiction is for.