#thy soul instructed

[shiratamahatsumiyo]

TWST with an Ubuyashiki Child reader (Part 3)

Warnings: Suicide, Angst

"Thy soul... Is empty."

"WHAT?!"

{NRC – Mirror Chamber}

• What did the mirror say? Empty? What does that mean? Everyone seemed alarmed, especially that Crow Demon. What could it mean?

Crowley: "Empty? What do you mean empty?!"

Dark Mirror: "Despite their soul's sharp and clear shape, it is trapped and lacks motion and color. It does not contain anything else. Therefore, it is empty."

Crowley: "B-but...! But the carriage! They brought them here...!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "I have told you already, Mr. Crowley. I was brought here by mistake."

Crowley: "Impossible! Not even in my years of teaching have I encountered a problem such as this... Oh, whatever shall I do?"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Escort me back. As simple as that."

Grim: "Ff...Fuwahh!!... If they ain't got no magic, then lemme enroll instead! I got magic! Powerful magic too! Just watch this!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Everyone, take cover!"

• As the beast breathed in a large amount of air, your instincts immediately alerted you to protect yourself. Not everyone reacted fast enough from your shout, some students' robes became singed on the outfit's edges. A tanned boy with silver hair received the most burns as he still has his rear on fire. You took off your robe (surprisingly your kimono is still intact) and ran to the boy to use it put out the fire. He thanked you with a relieved smile that reminded you of...

• .... The boy with hanafuda earrings.

?????: "Woah... thanks for... fire.....

.

.

.

{Demon Slayer Corp – Ubuyashiki Estate}

• Suddenly, you remembered the last things your father said to you. In the estate, he called you and your siblings to listen to his final orders. You could still remember his smile...

Kagaya: "I need all of you... to listen to my instructions clearly... my children..."

Hinaki: "Yes, father."

Nichika: "Yes, father."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Yes, father."

Kiriya: "Yes, father."

Kuina: "Yes, father."

Kanata: "Yes, father."

Kagaya: "That boy with the hanafuda earrings... Tanjiro Kamado... and the demon girl, Nezuko... The Hashiras... Everyone... Together, we can... Put an end to Muzan Kibutsuji. Never tell the others this... I will sacrifice myself as bait... The time is near when he will coming here himself... He is after me... Go far... Hide and be safe..."

• Your father has become weak. He can barely form a sentence without rasping and coughing. Your mother held his hand in a firm but gentle grip. She did the best she could to help him live this long, it was all because of her and your siblings' help that he will see the day that he can finally kill him. Your dear sisters and brother have tears welled up in their eyes, threatening to drop. Your mother was no different. Neither were you.

Amane: "... I will stay here with you, Master Kagaya."

Hinaki: "Me too, mother."

Nichika: "Me as well."

Kiriya: "Father, we want to stay with you."

Kuina: "We'll be here with you."

Kanata: "W-We won't leave you."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Please let us join you, father."

Amane: "Children..."

• All of your siblings gathered around and held his arms delicately, desperate to be by their parents' side even in death. The sickly man smiled and opened his bloodshot eyes. You knew that look in his eye. His final decision was made. Your tears did nothing to let him make you stay. For even if you stayed, he will face an early death either way.

Kagaya: "... You're all very kind to me... If I could hug all of you one last time... I'll die with happiness... I am sorry..."

Kiriya: "Then please let us stay with you--"

Kagaya: "No, my son... I'm afraid you mustn't... For my final orders... I need you to be a good brother... Protect your sisters... Get as far away from here as you can... I need you to be a leader... To lead Tanjiro and the Hashiras to victory... Only then we can be safe from his grasp..."

Kiriya: "B-but what if I... F-fail?... I'm... I'm cowardly... I know nothing about being leader...!"

Kagaya: "Please... Kiriya... I know how difficult of a responsibility... and heavy the weight... Of the title of leader will be... but I can no longer lead... To this day... You are the Corp's only hope... To continue guiding them... In my place..."

Kiriya: "..... I... I will do my best, father."

Kagaya: "... Thank... you.... My daughters, Kuina and Kanata... Please help your brother...Love and protect one another..."

Kuina: "... We will, father."

Kanata: "... sob... We'll do our best to help."

• Your poor brother Kiriya. Barely called a boy, much less a man. He was only a child who was not ready for the task but he is still willing to try and win. Just like him, you thought that your older sisters were more suitable for being the heads of the Ubuyashiki clan and managing the demon corp. But you thought wrong.

Kagaya: "Listen... Only me... And your mother... Shall stay here... And detonate ourselves and this estate... Everything will be destroyed... For an explosion will not be enough to kill him... But it'll slow down... His regeneration speed... Enough for the Hashiras to catch him..."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "If that's how it is... then I insist to stay by your side as an additional distraction..."

Amane: "Ubuyashiki! Child...!"

Hinaki: "Yes. Since we are the older ones, we will sacrifice ourselves as well."

Kuina: "... Sister...."

Kanata: "...sob...sob...."

Nichika: "Right. Muzan will think that it's only us unguarded. He will not think that you're willing to sacrifice us children."

Kiriya: ".........Father? Mother?"

Kagaya: ".........."

Amane: "...His vulnerability will increase if he thinks that it's our entire bloodline he will kill... Master?"

• For a split second, you can almost see your father's smile falter. You knew your father more than on the surface. He secretly had an unquenchable bloodlust that rooted from the king of demons that he hid with skill. The goal of beheading that man became his entire life after witnessing the horrible deaths of his parents and brothers. But even so, he refused to involve innocent people and preferred to live humbly. If there's a chance that comes into his life to make his plan take effect on Muzan instantly, he will grab that chance. But as a father, he hesitated...

Kagaya: ".... I can never bring myself to ask you... It greatly pains me to make this choice... I had hoped that you choose to remain safe..."

Amane: "... I deeply apologize for this as your mother, Hinaki, Nichika... Ubuyashiki ! Child... Are you sure?"

Hinaki: "We live with you. We'll die with you."

Nichika: "So you and mother won't be scared."

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Yes."

Amane: ".... They are willing to stay and perish with us, Master..."

Kagaya: "... Very well then... Thank you all... My children... Remember... To never tell anyone... For the sake of me... That is my final wish... Beheading Muzan is our top priority..."

Kiriya: "Y-yes... we promise you... we will avenge you...."

Kagaya: "... Don't cry, my child... We will always be with you... Even in the afterlife... But for now... You must endure... We will see each other again... I'm glad to have all of you as my family... We love you..."

Amane: "Be strong and save the tears after victory, my dear. Please live on for us. We love you all... Very much. Farewell..."

• And with that, your younger siblings gave you a final hug and fled the estate. You, your sisters, and parents are left alone to prepare yourselves for your final moment. Your father told you to play with your sisters to face death without fear. To not mind the man who will be intruding. To spend the rest of your time in the joy of a missing childhood experience.

.

.

"..ey!.....h.....!"

.

"HEY!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "!"

?????: " Hey,watch out!"

• The same boy with the used-to-be flaming rear snapped you back to reality by quickly dragging you to the side just before the monster breathed out another wave of flames. It seems that Grim rampage is still ongoing, no one's stopping him.

?????: "Are you okay? Your sleeve's been burnt!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "I'm fine, thank you."

Kalim: "That's good to hear. I'm Kalim by the way!"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "Nice to meet you, Mr. Kalim. I'm sorry if this is rude but are you perhaps... human?"

Kalim: "Uh, yeah. Why?"

Ubuyashiki! Child: "I--"

Crowley: "WHY IS NO ONE STOPPING HIM?!!"

Azul: "Do not worry, headmaster. I will take care of the beast myself since no one here has the heart to capture it. Of course, I won't hurt the poor thing, that would be very cruel of me."

Floating Tablet: "That's Azul for you. Always reaping the points whenever there's a chance."

??????: "I shall also assist in handling the situation."

• A man with glasses and a short man equipped what looks like a... pen? And all of a sudden a collar appeared around the monster's neck. The beast stopped blowing out fire in an instant when it felt the weight of the collar and the tightness around its neck.

Grim: "Fnyaagh?! W-what's with this collar!... Fnyagh...! It won't let me do magic!"

??????: "That collar is my own magic. You can't do magic unless I release you from it. With this collar, you are simply as helpless as a housecat."

Grim: "Fnyagh?!"

Azul: "My, my. That's Riddle's magic for you. Very handy... I want it... but I don't want it to work on me..."

• ... ?

Grim: "Fnyaaagh! Take it off! I ain't nobody's pet!"

Riddle: "No. But don't worry, I won't keep you. It'll be a violation against the rules and your behavior is erratic."

Grim: "Fnyagh..."

[taki-yaki]

What if Tav is a hireling? Astarion gets attached to her, so after the brain is defeated he either convinces Withers to let her stay as a messenger, or Astarion follows Withers around so every time there's a world ending emergency Astarion volunteers just so he can get Tav as a hireling. Astarion becomes a selfish hero that keeps saving Faerûn XD

Oooh a Hirling would be interesting since from the limited in-game info, they are souls who clawed their way back from the Fugue Plane for vengeance but they can not recall how to speak.

Astarion x Hireling Tav Headcanons

You didn’t expect your life to be cut so shortly, one minute you were showcasing your battle prowess in a local tavern, and the next some so-called absolutes decided to cut your show short by slaying you, all in the name of their so-called god.

But you didn’t want it to end here so soon, there was so much more to do, clawing out of the fugue plane holding onto the last string of thread that your life was hanging on. Before a white light blinds you, wake to the feeling of soft sand under your feet.

It felt strange for the others in this little coup to make him the designated group leader so quickly. He was lucky enough that they hadn’t figured out that he was a vampire spawn, yet. Despite the unique set of people he’s gathered to journey with him, perhaps some extra muscle wouldn’t hurt to have.

When you’re summoned, you seem to be more aware of your surroundings, unlike the others he’s summoned, acting more lively than that of a lifeless husk awaiting commands. When you attempt to speak, nothing comes out, until you feel a husky voice come out from your mouth instead.

“This vessel is at thy disposal. Do what thou wilt.”

Of course, there would be repercussions for attempting to escape the fugue plane alive, as a final act of cruelty by the gods, you can only view the world through your eyes all whilst another puppeteers the words spoken through your mouth.

During your battles, you would usually follow the instructions parroted to you from the voice of the withers.

Until one fight, thrown into yet another battle with members of the absolute cult, noticing a surprise ambush about to strike him. 

You attempt to react by yelling for him to move, yet nothing comes out of your throat, quickly pulling against the strings in your mind and rushing towards him, shoving him aside to take the force of the impact.

After the fight, he approaches you with a slight twinge of annoyance in his voice

“I can’t tell whether you were brave or stupid doing that during that fight, but I see that you're not like those other brainless ghouls. But maybe we should work on your communication skills instead.”

Every night from then, he would attempt to teach you thieves can’t as a form of sign language for each other, creating a loophole to the calamity that the gods wish to gift you. Even Slowly bonding, by sharing your tales with him from tavern fights to tales of your travels around Faerun.

The others in camp had thought their leader had gone a bit mad, after seeing him night after night talking to what seemed to be a husk of a humanoid with only a craving for vengeance. Even Withers lighting jabbing at him for being attached to such a person, always reminding him to “not distracted on thy quest, seeking the comforts of the flesh.” to which Astarion would respond with a short huff, before taking you away from him.

After the defeat of the brain, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to stay on this plane forever, with your soul ready to depart, unable to cling onto this body provided to you for much longer. Astarion stays by your side throughout it, promising that he’ll meet you again, no matter what.

After you left his side, he would end up travelling around Faerun in search of either, any world-ending events or withers. Sometimes he would get lucky, having to save a county or two from the new villain of the decade, those who wish to revive the absolute cult, but those fights didn’t last long enough.

Ultimately, Astarion would get ahold of a wish spell, either as a gift from a powerful wizard or one from the gods after becoming Faerun's most selfish hero after stopping numerous life-ending threats. Giving you a real physical body for your soul to finally call home.

[theresattrpgforthat]

i want to destroy the god king and begin an anarchist uprising. culminating in participating in the aftermath building a new world

You and me both buddy. Let’s get started.

THEME: Destroy God

Dethrone Skeleton God, by emmy verse.

DETHRONE SKELETON GOD. THAT IS ALL YOU HAVE TO DO.

In this gmless role playing game you will set out on a journey to find and dethrone the aforementioned god. You will need some d6s, a d12, and some writing materials.

This game pulls a lot of inspiration from some pretty stellar games, including No Stone Unturned, EXTRACAUSAL, Trophy, and Blades in the Dark. You will play racing against three Fallout Tracks, which track the collapse of the material world, the immaterial world, and the Skeleton God’s Power. When all tracks are full, the game is over, and you narrate how the world ends.

If nobody in your group wants the burden/responsibility of running a game, this game is an excellent option as it is both GM-less and lightweight. It’s only 16 pages long and covers creating location elements and exploring them as a group. Everything is collaborative, so if you’re interested in games that let you come up with a story together as you go, you might want to check out this game.

Dead Gods, by Trollish Delver Games.

After the Cataclysm of Heaven it all changed. Murdered gods fell from the sky, sundering the land and casting their sacred relics about the world. From the woodwork crawl Warcults, scavengers of god-relics to further their own twisted gains. The Eternal seek power over death itself. The Order of the Stars seek relics to unlock god-like omniscience. The Pale Druids imbibe relics to acquire power over nature itself. The Black Maw will create a new, hungrier god under their control. 

Pick up a lovingly-designed weird cult and pit them against your friend in a desperate effort to grab a sacred god-relic in this miniatures skirmish game. Each player will control a number of different kinds of war cult members, and there are 4 war cults to embody in the upcoming skirmish. Great for PvP and lovers of combat, but if you want narrative you’ll want to pick up something else or mostly RP it out. You can also check out Unholy Scavengers, for more relics, more scenarios, more models - more more more!

Karanduun - Make God Bleed, by makapatag.(@makapatag)

Karanduun is a modern Filipino Epic RPG about worthless heroes dismantling God, whatever cycle of oppression that must be.  Inspired by modern Filipino folklore and culture. You play as young heroes who must make their legend known and become a legendary Karanduun by making God (whichever oppressive system and tyrant that is) bleed.

Lovers of Kill Six Billion Demons will probably get a big kick out of this game. The god Batala is already dead, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for some rebellion of your own. There are demons, corrupt angels, and other Kings of the Earth to defeat, in a post-American world inspired by the Philippines. If you’re looking for some narrative play, this game has got you covered, with rules inspired by Exalted 1e and PbtA. You can check out the physical version of this game on SoulMuppet’s website!

Skorne, by Dreaming Dragonslayer.

You are renegades, part of mankind’s insurrection against SKORNE who is devil prince, commander of demon rulers and their armies, and the darkness that reigns. Overthrow the evil Tyrants. Free chained captives. Fight to the last man.

Part of the NSR movement, Skorne is inspired by media such as Berserk, MORK BORG, and games like Dark Souls and Elden Ring. The game itself is only 4 pages long, with a really interesting system for character creation. You roll for your abilities and then use their values to determine your starting kit. The language in the game is also great for putting you into the fiction, such as the instructions found for character name choice:

“In the beginning, give thy renegade a name, though it will not save them.”

You want gritty and dire circumstances? You want to kill demon princes? You wanna play a game with random tyrant generation? This is for you.

Extreme Meatpunks Forever, by Sinister Beard Games.

"In the beginning, there was meat. A decaying chunk of flesh from a dying god, hurtling through the void of space, thousands of miles wide. A million eyes, a billion hands grasping for purchase against nothingness itself.  This is where we live.”

EXTREME MEATPUNKS FOREVER is a tabletop roleplaying game where you’ll play as a gang of queer antifascists in a strange place called Meatworld. Spinning through space on the screaming corpse of a dead god under the glow of an absent sun, the people of Meatworld harvest its flesh to make their technology.

Embody your queer rage and kill fascists in meat-mechs in Extreme Meatpunks Forever. A PbtA game, this option is narrative-heavy and allows you to pick from some pretty metal weapons, including (but not limited to) Excellent Seasoning, A Bit Stick What Has Shrapnel In It, and Deathfucker Cannon. In your downtime, you can kiss your friends and work to heal and deal with your trauma. If you want a game that feels metal and also presents you with extremely punchable enemies, this is your game!

Other Recommendations

If you want some more recommendations you can also check out the Attack and Dethrone God Jam on itch.io, or my Revolution recommendation post.

If you’re interested in what happens after you end the world, then I recommend my Post-Apocalyptic Community Building recommendations!

[santoschristos]

I beheld a great wonder in heaven, a woman clothed with the Sun, with the Moon at her feet. And on her head was a diadem of the twelve stars.

Hear me, O Lady Isis, hear and save.

O thou queen of love and mercy, thou crowned with the throne, thou hauled as with the Moon.

Thou whose countenance is mild and glowing, even as grass refreshed by rain.

Hear me, our Lady Isis, hear and save.

O thou who art in matter manifest.

Thou bride and queen as thou art mother and daughter of the Slain One.

O thou who art the Lady of the Earth.

Hear me, O Lady Isis, hear and save.

O thou Lady of the amber skin.

Lady of love and of victory, bright gate of glory through the darkening skies.

O crowned with the Light and life and love.

Hear me, our Lady, hear and save by thy sacred flower, the Lotus of eternal life and beauty; by thy love and mercy; by thy wrath and vengeance; by my desire toward thee, by all the magical names of old hear me, O Lady, hear and save.

Open thy bosom to thy child, stretch forth thy arms and strain me to thy breasts. Let my lips touch thy lips ineffable.

Hear me, O Lady Isis, hear and save.

Lift up thy voice to aid me in this critical hour.

Lift up thy voice most musical.

Cry aloud, O queen and mother, to save me from that I fear most.

I invoke thee to initiate my soul.

The whirling of my dance, may it be a spell and a link with thy great light, so that in the darkest hour, the Light may arise in me and bring me to thine own glory and incorruptibility.

Isis am I, and from my life are fed all showers and suns, all moons that wax and wane, all stars and streams, the living and the dead, the mystery of pleasure and of pain.

I am the Mother. I the speaking sea. I am the Earth in its fertility. Life, death, love, hatred, light, darkness, return to me, to me.

Isis am I, and to my beauty draw.

All glories of the Universe bow down, the blossom and the mountain and the dawn. Fruits blush and women are creations crowned. I am the priest, the sacrifice, the shrine. I am the love and life of the Divine.

Life, death, love, hatred, light, darkness, are surely mine, are mine. Isis am I, the love and light of Earth, the wealth of kisses, the delight of tears, the bowel and pleasure never come to birth, the endless infinite desire of years. I am the shrine at which thy long desire devoured thee with intolerable fire. I was sung music, passion, death upon thy lyre, thy lyre. I am the grail and I the glory now. I am the flame and fueler of thy breath. I am the star of God upon thy brow. I am thy queen enraptured and possessed.

High do these sweet rivers welcome to the sea, ocean of love that shall encompass thee.

Life, death, love, hatred, light, darkness, return to me, to me.

Hear, Lady Isis, and receive my prayer.

Thee, thee I worship and invoke.

Hail to thee, sole mother of my life.

I am Isis, mistress of the whole land. I was instructed by Hermes, and with Hermes I invented the writings of the nations in order that not all should write with the same letters. I gave mankind their laws, and ordained what no one can alter. I am the eldest daughter of Kronos. I am the wife and sister of the king Osiris. I am she who rises in the dog star. I am she who is called the goddess of women. I am she who separated the heaven from the earth. I have pointed out their paths to the star. I have invented seamanship. I have brought together men and women. I have ordained that the elders shall be beloved by the children.

With my brother Osiris I made an end of cannibalism. I have instructed mankind in the mysteries. I have taught reverence of the divine statues. I have established the Temple precincts. I have overthrown the dominion of the tyrants. I have caused men to love women. I have made justice more powerful than silver and gold. I have caused truth to be considered beautiful.

Come unto me and pledge unto me your loyalties as I pledge mine unto you.

Oh mother Isis, great art thou in thy splendor, mighty is thy name and thy love has no bounds.

Thou art Isis, who art all that ever was, and all that there is to be, for no mortal man hath ever unveiled thee. In all thy grace thou has brought forth the sun, the fruit that was born forth for the redemption of man.

Oh Isis, Isis, Isis, graciously hear our cry unto thee, we mourn for thy blessings on us this day, every day, to nourish, to aid and to fill the emptiness within, that only you our beloved mother can satiate. Unto thee do we pledge our solemn oath of dedication, and for the power and glory of him the Unknowable One to witness our devotion to thee. For as we now receive thee into our hearts, we ask that you never leave us, in times of trial and joy, and even unto death."

art: Goddess Isis - Mistress of Magick Jewel of the Nile

[darkgodcomplex]

Reverend Wally

Wally X Reader

AO3 Link

Content Warning: Psychological Horror, Scopophobia, Religion and Religious Symbolism, Christianity, Demons

"Our father, who art in heaven-"

Hands clasped tightly together, you pray alone in front of the alter. It's far too late for anyone else to be here, but that is somehow more comforting in a time like this.

"-hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven-"

You stare up at the large pillars of the church, the tall sharp architecture and the stained glass windows. If it were day, the windows would show the stations of the cross, going through the entirety of the crucifixion. Now though, they're only dark and hollow, the reflection of the candle's light on the surface mimicking eyes.

"Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses-"

Are you speaking to no one? Will no one answer your prayers?

"-as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation-"

You feel a warm hand curl around your shoulder. They recite the last line of the prayer in unison with you.

"-but deliver us from evil."

You whip your head around only to see Father Wally Darling smiling down at you. You're used to seeing him in his mass attire, but now he wears more casual clothes. The only indication that he's a reverend is the small cross he adorns around his neck.

"Father-"

"Why are you here so late, my child?" He asks, tilting his head. His eyes are soft and kind, just as you always remember them.

"I-" You look at the floor, then back to the alter. "Father... have you ever performed an exorcism?"

He freezes, then chooses his words carefully. "Why would you be getting mixed up in such dark things?"

"I fear there is a demon following me." You tell him, standing from your kneeling position. "Or some dark energy, in the least."

Wally runs a hand over his chin, his eyes trained to the floor. "These things don't just appear. Did you-" His eyes flick up. "-invite them in somehow?"

"I swear, I have been faithful to you and our church." You bow your head. "But lately I feel as if I've been watched. Even now, I can feel the eyes boring into me." You glance around the dim chapel. The statues, the paintings, even the knots in the floorboards are eyes staring into your soul.

"Of course you have been loyal to me, my child." He grips your chin, moving your head so that you're staring into his eyes. "The only pair of eyes you have to worry about here are mine. This place is safe."

You grasp nervously at your hands, continuing to stare helplessly up at him. "Father, what am I to do?"

He lets go of your chin, running a hand through his hair. "We won't perform a exorcism, that is only for the most extreme of cases. We shall have a baptism of sorts."

"But I am already baptized." You tell him, confusion written all over your face.

"Of sorts, I said." Wally leads you up the steps to the alter. "It's bit different."

You let him take the lead, following his instructions as you set up the equipment. You've never heard of another type of baptism, but you trust that a reverend knows more about this than you do.

Once everything is set up, he motions with his hands, "Kneel before me, child."

You fall to your knees. It feels like worship.

He dips his hand into the water, bringing it to your face. You had watched him bless the water just moments earlier. He presses his thumb against your forehead, drawing some sort of shape. It doesn't feel like a cross.

"You've always been quite the dedicated follower." He whispers quietly, wet hand moving to now cup your cheek.

"Yes, father." You agree, unsure of where he is going with this.

"I wish to have you." He says, voice low. "What do you wish for in return?"

You blink up at him, "Have me?"

"Semantics." He brushes it off. "I merely mean to have you in the sense of a loyal worshipper of the church."

"Oh, okay." You pause. "I wish..."

What do you wish for?

"I wish to be safe."

"Oh, I would never let anything hurt you." He assures. Still, he extends his hand. "I wish to have you. You wish to be safe."

You're not quite sure what he expects from you, but you take his hand. He gives a large smile, holding your hand tight. "Thank you, my dear."

There's a gush of wind and the candles go out in the church, leaving you in darkness.

The eyes.

The only thing that is luminescent in the darkness are Wally's eyes. They glow, staring down at you. You yank away your hand, scrambling backwards as more eyes appear in the blackness. You have to escape.

You have the church layout memorized and move easily through the pews. The eyes appear everywhere, lighting your way. When you reach the door, you find that it's locked. You bang against it.

The window. Your hands scramble to find anything heavy. A small Jesus statue sits upon a table.

Sorry Jesus.

Taking the statue, you heave it against the window. Despite the statue's weight, the window doesn't shatter. It only stares down at you.

"Is this any way to act?" It's Wally's voice, but it's more distorted now. "I promised you that you would have your safety, didn’t I?"

"I didn't agree to this!" You protest, chest heaving. You feel cornered, the eyes are in every direction now.

"Oh, but you did." He laughs. "That's how it works, you shook my hand and made a wish. I'm keeping up my end of the deal."

Something grabs onto your ankle. You try to kick it off but it yanks you, making you fall to the floor.

"It's time to keep your end. Don't worry, I take good care of my playthings"

You're dragged further into the church, kicking and screaming.

This was never a holy place.

[my-deer-history]

On partiality

A few thoughts on why 'partiality' - even more than 'love' - is an important expression in Hamilton and Laurens’ correspondence.

Partiality is a word that denotes fondness, preference or bias for one person over others, often used in sentimental writing as a synonym for love (both familial and romantic). Jane Austen uses both forms in Pride and Prejudice (1813):

Miss Bennet’s astonishment was soon lessened by the strong sisterly partiality which made any admiration of Elizabeth appear perfectly natural [...] I had often seen him in love before. […] From that moment I observed my friend’s behaviour attentively; and I could then perceive that his partiality for Miss Bennet was beyond what I had ever witnessed in him.

Hamilton himself uses partiality in the context of love in a letter to Elizabeth Schuyler:

I believe in my soul you are an inchantress; but I have tried in vain, if not to break, at least, to weaken the charm—you maintain your empire in spite of all my efforts—and after every new one, I make to withdraw myself from my allegiance my partial heart still returns and clings to you with increased attachment.

Alexander Hamilton to Elizabeth Schuyler, 5 October 1780

But partiality is not a direct synonym for love - the nuance comes from the fact that it is an antonym of impartiality. 

An enlightened 18th century gentleman walked a fine line to balance rationality - which elevated reason, intellect and justice (especially in the spheres of public life, such as politics and business) - with sentimentality - which expected him to display profound emotion at appropriate (usually private) moments, as a testament to his morality.

Expressing love was certainly a virtuous thing - a man could profess love for his family, spouse, country, comrades, beliefs (religious or otherwise), and so on - but when it was labelled partiality, that love was made less gentlemanly, less virtuous and noble. Partiality masked flaws, reducing the ability to make objective choices, and hinted at a weakness of character in a gentleman who was supposed to be fair, just and disinterested in his dealings. Therefore, a man who called himself partial was admitting that he allowed his feelings to affect his integrity, and was showing preference one person over others in a way that was possibly unfair or unwarranted - an intimate personal favouritism.

We see it used in this form in works spanning the century. In Alexander Pope’s 1717 poem, Eloisa to Abelard, Eloisa begs for her “partial eyes” to be turned away from her lover, Abelard, and back to pure religious love.

Yet then, to those dread altars as I drew, Not on the Cross my eyes were fix'd, but you: Not grace, or zeal, love only was my call, And if I lose thy love, I lose my all. […] Ah no! instruct me other joys to prize, With other beauties charm my partial eyes, Full in my view set all the bright abode, And make my soul quit Abelard for God.

In Charlotte Smith’s Emmeline (1778), partiality is contrasted with virtuous affection:

But for your charming friend my heart long retained its partiality; nor would it ever have felt for her that pure and disinterested friendship which is now in regard to her its only sentiment, had not the object of my present regret and anguish been thrown in my way.

In Evelina (1778), Fanny Burney shows the peril of partiality in masking flaws.

Yet perhaps I have rather reason to rejoice than to grieve, since this affair has shown me his real disposition, and removed that partiality which, covering his every imperfection, left only his virtues and good qualities exposed to view. [...] You flattered yourself that your partiality was the effect of esteem, founded upon a general love of merit, and a principle of justice; and your heart, which fell the sacrifice of your error, was totally gone ere you expected it was in danger.

We see this subtlety of meaning in Hamilton’s April 1779 letter to Laurens:

But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me.

In using feigned legalese (“pardon the fraud you have committed”), Hamilton puts himself in the role of a judge, but admits that he is not an impartial one - he is acting self-awarely according to his personal bias, and the love he expresses is tinged by it. Hamilton uses partiality again in his 8 January 1780 letter, after Laurens tries to promote Hamilton as a better candidate for the diplomatic mission to the court at Versailles:

Believe me my Dr Laurens I am not insensible of the first mark of your affection in recommending me to your friends for a certain commission. However your partiality may have led you to overrate my qualifications that very partiality must endear you to me.

In other words - your affection means that you’re not being objective about me, and that’s adorable. He’s teasing, acknowledging both his own shortcomings and Laurens’ inability or unwillingness to see them. Hamilton puts it in even plainer terms in his 30 June 1780 letter, in which he discusses the possibility of Laurens being paroled early. He contrasts both the “love” the military family feels for Laurens and the fair and objective rules of war with his own subjective affection:

I have talked to the General about your exchange; but the rigid rules of impartiality oppose our wishes. I am the only one in the family who think you can be exchanged with any propriety, on the score of your relation to the Commander in Chief. We all love you sincerely; but I have more of the infirmities of human nature, than the others, and suspect my self of being byassed by my partiality for you.

In sum, Hamilton’s written correspondence expresses love for Laurens in a variety of ways beyond the obvious - the word ‘love’ itself is indeed less telling than the other phrases he uses. In the context of the period, calling both himself and Laurens partial towards each other suggests that their affection was not just the pure and rational comradeship of fellow-soldiers, but a more personal, intimate and subjective sentiment.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

The Presence of God by Charles H. Spurgeon

Our Father, which art in heaven, our hearts are full of gratitude to Thee for Thy Word. We bless Thee that we have it in our houses, that Thou hast given to many of us to understand it and to enjoy it. Although as yet we know not what we shall know, yet have we learned from it what we never can forget, that which has changed our lives has removed our burdens, has comforted our hearts, has set our faces like flints against sin, and made us eager after perfect holiness.

We thank Thee, Lord, for every leaf of the Book, not only for its promises which are inexpressibly sweet, but for its precepts in which our soul delights and especially for the revelation of Thy Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. O God, we thank Thee for the manifestation of Him even in the types and shadows of the Old Testament. These are inexpressibly glorious to us, full of wondrous value, inexpressibly dear because in them and through them we see the Lord. But we bless Thee much more for the clear light of the New Testament, for giving us the key to all the secrets of the Old Testament, for now, reading the Scriptures of the New Covenant, we understand the language of the Old Covenant and are made to joy and to rejoice therein.

Father, we thank Thee for the Book, we thank Thee for the glorious Man, the God whom the Book reveals as our Savior, and now we thank Thee for the Blessed Spirit, for without His light upon the understanding, we should have learned nothing. The letter killeth, it is the Spirit that giveth life. Blessed are our eyes that have been touched with heavenly eye-salve. Blessed are the hearts that have been softened, that have been made ready to receive the truth in the love of it! Blessed be the sovereign grace of God that hath chosen unto Him a people who delight in His Word and who meditate in it both day and night!

Our hearts are full of praises to God for this Man of Truth, for this unmeasured wealth of holy knowledge. Lord make us to enjoy it more and more. May we feed upon this manna; may we drink from this well of life. May we be satisfied with it and by it be made like to the God from whom it came.

And now, Lord, our prayer is to Thee at the mention of Thy sacred Book, that Thou wouldst write it upon the fleshy tablets of our heart more fully. We want to know the truth that the truth may make us free. We want to feel the truth that we may be sanctified by it. Oh! let it be in us a living seed which shall produce in us a life acceptable before God, a life which shall be seen in everything that we do unto the living God, for we remember that Thou art not the God of the dead but of the living.

Lord, we ask that Thy Word may chasten us whenever we go astray, may it enlighten us whenever for a moment we get into darkness. May Thy Word be the supreme ruler of our being. May we give ourselves up to its sacred law to be obedient to its every hint, wishing in all things, even in the least things, to do the will of God from the heart and having every thought brought into captivity to the mind of the Spirit of God.

Bless Thy people. Bless them in this way by saturating them with the Word of Thy truth. O Lord, they are out in the world so much. Oh! grant that the world may not take them off from their God. May they get the world under their feet. Let them not be buried in it, but may they live upon it, treading it beneath their feet, the spiritual getting the mastery always over the material. Oh! that the Word of God might be with us when we are in the midst of an ungodly generation. May the Proverbs often furnish us with wisdom, the Psalms furnish us with comfort, the Gospels teach us the way of holiness, and the Epistles instruct us in the deep things of the kingdom of God.

Lord, educate us for a higher life and let that life be begun here. May we be always in the school, always disciples, and when we are out in the world, may we be trying to put in practice what we have learned at Jesus’ feet. What He tells us in darkness, may we proclaim in the light and what He whispers in our ear in the closets, may we sound forth upon the housetops.

Oh! dear, dear Savior, what could we do without Thee. We are as yet in banishment, we have not come into the land of light and glory. It is on the other side the river, in the land where Thou dwellest, Thy land of Immanuel, and till we come thither, be Thou with us. We have said unto ourselves, How shall we live without our Lord and then we have said unto Thee, “If Thy Spirit go not with us, carry us not up hence.” Oh! be to us this day as the fiery cloudy pillar that covered all the camp of Israel. May we dwell in God. May we live and move in God. May we be conscious of the presence of God to a greater extent than we are conscious of anything else.

Bless the churches. Look on them, Lord. Cast an eye of love upon the little companies of the faithful wherever they may be and help them and their pastors, and may the churches be in every place a light in the midst of this crooked and perverse generation. O God, we are waiting and watching for a display of Thy great power among the people.

It is an age of great luxury and great sin and gross departures from the truth. We beseech Thee, defend Thine own. When Thine Ark was carried captive among the Philistines and set up in the temple of Dagon, Dagon fell before it, then didst Thou smite Thine adversaries in the hinder parts and put them to a perpetual reproach, and Thou canst do the like again, and we pray it may be so. Oh! for the stretched out hand of God. We are longing to see it in the conversion of great multitudes by the Gospel, that those who have said, “Aha, aha, the Gospel has lost its power,” may be made foolish by the wisdom of the Most High, even as Jannes and Jambres were made foolish when they could not do so with their enchantments, but God was with His servant.

O, Jehovah, Thou art the true God, God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob, this God is our God forever and ever. He shall be our guide even unto death. Them who spakest by the apostles, speak still by Thy servants, and let Thy Word be with as much power as when Thou saidst, “Let there be light, and there was light.” Oh! for the lifting up of Thy voice! Let confusion and darkness once again hear the voice of Him that makes order and that giveth life. Oh! how we would stir Thee up, Thou gracious God. Our prayers would take the form of that ancient one, “Awake, awake, put on Thy strength.” Art Thou not He that cut Egypt and wounded the crocodile? Hast Thou not still the same power to smite and to vindicate Thine own truth and deliver Thine own redeemed?

O Lamb, slain from before the foundation of the world, Thou art still to sit upon the throne, for He that is on the throne looks like a Lamb that has been newly slain. O Jesus, we beseech Thee, take to Thyself Thy great power. Divide the spoil with the strong. Take the purchase of Thy precious blood and rule from the river even unto the ends of the earth.

Here we are before Thee. Look on us in great pity. Lord, bless Thine own people. With favor do Thou compass them as with a shield. Lord, save the unsaved. In great compassion draw them by the attractive magnet of the cross, draw them to Thyself, compel them to come in that the wedding may be furnished with guests.

With one heart we put up our prayer on the behalf of the teachers of the young. We thank Thee, Lord, that so many men and women are ready to give their Sabbath’s rest to this important service. Oh! grant that zeal for teaching the young may never burn low in the Church. May any that are taking no part in it and who ought to be, be aroused at once to commence the holy effort. Bless the teachers of the senior classes. May their young men and women pass into the Church. May there be no gap between the school and the church. Bridge that distance by Thy sovereign grace. But equally bless the teachers of the infants and of the younger children. May conversion go on among the young. May there be multitudes of such conversions. In effect, we would pray that no child may leave the schools unsaved. Oh! save the children, great Lover of the little ones. Thou who wouldst have them suffered to come to Thee, Thou wilt not forget them, but Thou wilt draw them and accept them. Lord! save the children. Let all the schools participate in the blessing which we seek and by this blessed agency, may this nation be kept from heathenism, this city especially be preserved from its dogged disregard of the Sabbath, and its carelessness about the things of God. Oh! bless the Sabbath school to London, to every part of it, and let Jesus Christ be glorified among the little ones, and again may there be heard loud hosannas in the streets of Jerusalem from the babes and sucklings out of whose mouths Thou hast ordained strength. The Lord be with these dear workers throughout today and make it a high day, a festival of prayer and faith, a time when Jesus the Lord shall especially meet with them and bless them.

God bless our country! God save our Sovereign! Grant guidance at this time to all with regard to the political affairs of this nation. Grant Thy blessing to all ranks and conditions of men and let every nation call Thee “blessed” Let all tongues speak the name of Jesus and all men own Him as Lord and King. We ask it in His name. Amen.

[vigilantkilliforniakatholixxx]

When the wicked are multiplied, crimes shall be multiplied: but the just shall see their downfall. Instruct thy son, and he shall refresh thee, and shall give delight to thy soul. When prophecy shall fail, the people shall be scattered abroad: but he that keepeth the law is blessed. - Proverbs 29: 16-18

[ome-magical-ramblings]

Prophets, Mounts, and Open Secrets/Initiation

This is a continuation of my post here , a more personal and more "in touch" post. I think even if people point out the secret in a tradition then the tradition itself will prevent the person who wants to abuse the secret from abusing it. So no matter how much I speak about this then the secret will always be hidden from those aiming to abuse it.

Sometime my blogs get a bit impersonal and I want to say that how close it is when I talk to you, the reader. That I am trying my best to tell you that all the prophets, all the scripture, all the stories, all the events within the scriptures were, are, and going to be happening. That's the secret within the scripture, even my friend @poimandresnous in his blog in this post . The Corpus Hermeticum talks about it in Chapter 11/XI: And, thus, think from thyself, and bid thy soul go unto any land, and there more quickly than thy bidding will it be. And bid it journey oceanwards; and there, again, immediately 'twill be, not as if passing on from place to place, but as if being there.

And bid it also mount to heaven; and it will need no wings, not will aught hinder it, nor fire of sun, nor auther, nor vortex-swirl, nor bodies of the other stars; but, cutting through them all, it will soar up to the last Body [of them all]. And shouldst thou will to break through this as well, and contemplate what is beyond - if there be aught beyond the Cosmos; it is permitted thee. [...] But if thou lockest up thy soul within thy body, and dost debase it, saying: I nothing know; I nothing can; I fear the sea; I cannot scale the sky; I know not who I was, who I shall be - what is there [then] between [thy] God and thee?

If anything I hope the preceding is the key for reading scripture and even prayers, you can't read them and just look at it as a newspaper or a Television show, you HAVE to be there. That's why even in buddhist sutra you have the same idea, It is like a concert. If you read about it in the newspaper, or see it on television, this is nowhere near as real as when you personally go to the concert hall and experience the concert in person. From a collection by someone called "The Ordinary Man" on November 27, 2003, what did he say?

“To read the sūtras” means you are just a student reading stories from history. Then it is hard to enter into the teaching assembly, and hard to awaken to the realm which the Buddha is speaking of! [...] This experience [of a concert] is almost impossible to communicate in words – and all the more so when it comes to experiencing the realm the Buddha speaks of: this is even more impossible. I know syncrectism but I am trying to drive the point here. The message here is that when the transfiguration of Jesus happen in the Bible, it is happening. When the "Man-Shepherd"/Divine Mind tell Hermes to go to Ocean, to heaven, and depth of depth he's TELLING YOU. All of the stories in all literature are INSTRUCTIONS for YOU, for you to SEE them, to HEAR them, to FEEL them, to TOUCH them, to SNIFF them. They're THERE...literally but if you read them right then they will become here. Why did the transfiguration happen in the mount of Tabor, why did God tell Moses to look at the Mountain then he made it crumble, why do we have the story of Seven Sleepers in Quran and De situ terrae sanctae. A lot of people wonder where they will find the teacher or a suitable teacher, but they don't take refuge in the prophets and saints for some reasons. That's the key that open the whole virtues and make them a thousand fold more effective, meet Khidr, meet Mohammed, meet Elijah, meet Jesus, meet Moses, they're HERE and they didn't go anywhere else. Do I have ijaza to make this work, or do I have the skills to make this magic work? Yeah you can initially do it, but once you have this deep and powerful connection to the prophets, to the saints, to the bodhisattvas, to the HEROES then you would be immersed and transformed by the experience of meeting them. It's not merely the meeting of them, the whole scripture is transformed because now you already know that the whole thing for what it is. Okay enough repeating the same points I mentioned before lol now time for personal experience...

and this is where we reach the end of this post from the general to the particular of mine, and I hope that this is more of something to motivate people, to push people, and to open up the boundaries assumed or pushed onto them by themselves or other. The mount tabor prayer was an extremely strong one, and the visions of the prophets were always related to nature, related to meet them in Mosques, in Churches, in wilderness and they would always have this glow to their face that's very distinct and powerful that made look away immediately, looking at the prophets, all of them exude a sense of peacefulness, caring and a sense of comfort. They aim no harm but their presence is truly strong. Once you meet the prophets then your experience with reading Bible or Quran is transformed completely, like meeting a teacher he pokes you or guides you in the right direction and the whole thing just make you tear up in awe of greatness of these luminous beings. Sometime people take working with angels or archangels for granted, when it's not. Even prophets, saints, bodhisattvas and so on, it's so rare and ethereal that...I can't even bring myself to put it into words. Instructions and inspiration in practice come easily and guidance arrive when it was lacking. Prayer is inflamed and the door of charity opens up. In the end? Where the lack of teacher is, the door of wisdom opens up and guidance is presented. As Matthew said:  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. In the end, I end this with tears in my eyes not of sadness but because of the loneliness of the path that hermits, and guides walk being used a spiritual tools not as human, my heart goes to them and I hope to carry the lamp of light as they carried it for me.

[shivunin]

Petal-Crowned

Borrowing the lovely @greypetrel's Aisling for this piece! I adore Arja and Aisling both and I also think they would be good friends and good for each other. When I saw her absolutely gorgeous piece of Elowen and Aisling, I couldn't help but want to write a piece to fit it. So---here is my contribution. Thank you, as always, for your friendship and for letting me borrow your baby!

(Recommended listening)

(Elowen & Aisling Lavellan | 874 Words | No Warnings)

"yet here’s eglantine, Here’s ivy!— take them, as I used to do Thy flowers, and keep them where they shall not pine. Instruct thine eyes to keep their colours true, And tell thy soul, their roots are left in mine." ---Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "Sonnets from the Portuguese 44..."

The sun was warm, the air was sweet, and half the meadow’s flowers clung to Elowen’s hair. She felt as if she was half-dreaming here amongst the soft grasses and bright colors of this glade, but she knew that she was not. Perhaps the beauty of this place only felt dream-like because things had been so miserable for so long that beautiful and nice things must feel, by some token, somewhat dream-like.

Thoughts better not to dwell on, she supposed.

“When do you think the others are coming back?” she called to Aisling, who was wandering some distance away, judging by the rustling of her feet through the flowers. 

“Hmmm,” Aisling said. “I’m not sure. But look!”

Elowen looked, fingers still busy on the twined flowers in her lap. Triumphant, Aisling held an elfroot plant in the air, dark earth still clinging to its roots. 

“I’m going to bring it back to Skyhold,” she announced, beaming at the slender stalk. “I know just where to plant it.”

“It’s perfect,” Elowen agreed, taking in the slight woodiness of the stem, the healthy green of the leaves. It was easy to plant elfroot seeds, but much more difficult to transplant an existing specimen. For all that it seemed to grow all over Thedas, the plant did not take well to being uprooted. 

If anyone could coax it to take to a new home, Elowen was certain it would be Aisling. 

“Do you want any more of this or should I put it away?” she asked while her friend carefully bundled the plant away. 

Aisling glanced at the saddle blanket they sat on, which also held the open pack and the scattered remnants of their lunch. The cheese was nestled under an active ice spell (Aisling’s contribution; Elowen had never been good with frost magic) and the bread had been set neatly aside where it could avoid any potential dampness. The remaining fruit, purchased from the nearby and very grateful residents of Crestwood, was nestled in an open satchel. 

“Hmm,” Elowen’s friend said. “We can leave it. There’s time to have more later.”

Elowen made a soft noise of assent and turned back to the half-made chain of flowers in her lap. It took a little deftness to do this without losing anything crucial. Petals wanted badly to fall off once the flower had been plucked, and if she was not careful she would wind up with fingers stained green and a chain of battered stems. 

After a time, Aisling sat behind her, back pressed to Elowen’s. Elowen made little progress, half-dozing in the dappled sunlight, and for once she did not blame herself for it. It would have felt silly to hold herself to such deadlines and pressures here. This place was far too comfortable to bring herself to care. 

“Elowen?” 

“Hm?” she roused slightly, eyes heavy, and almost fell backward when Aisling moved away from her. 

“Here!” Aisling said while Elowen steadied herself, “I picked the ones that seemed to fit. See—the green of the leaves here match your vallaslin precisely.”

It took her a moment to comprehend what was happening, fingers still tangled in the chain she’d begun to weave, the sunlight almost too bright now that she’d opened her eyes again. But—while she had rested, her friend had made something beautiful and bright. It hung from her pale fingers now as Aisling held it out: purple and yellow and white against green leaves that—yes, actually would match Elowen’s vallaslin when they weren’t in direct sunlight. The petals of the pansies looked unimaginably soft, velvet-sheened in the sunlight. Aisling grinned at her, smile just as bright as the sunshine in the meadow.

“I think it suits you,” she said. Elowen smiled as the little crown settled over her head and Aisling leaned forward to kiss her cheek. 

What a gift this was. A gift—to have the easy company of a good friend, to sit in the sunlight and smell the flowers. A gift, to be safe and full and cared for

“Thank you,” she murmured when Aisling rocked back onto her heels. Aisling clapped her hands together, eyes fixed on the ring of flowers atop Elowen’s head. 

“It’s perfect!” she said, grinning. 

Elowen leaned forward and pressed her lips to her friend’s cheek in turn, sun-warm and soft as it was. 

“It is,” she agreed, and turned her attention back to her lap. “Perfect. It’s beautiful work, truly.”

Forget-me-nots still clung softly to her fingers as she wove a lily into its place near the center. What a pleasure it would be to give her friend the joy she’d been given. How remarkable, to offer something simple and good to someone she cared for. 

Behind her, Aisling began to speak again, describing a mishap with her dear horse and a thorny bush. Her voice had a pleasant cadence, rising and falling like a friendly and familiar tune. The bees hummed nearby, drifting from flower to flower. Soft breezes brushed past stems and leaves and bobbing blossoms. Sparse clouds drifted between them and the sun, never obscuring the light for too long. 

Elowen listened and found herself glad beyond measuring to simply be herself at this precise place and time. Smiling faintly at the sound of her friend’s voice, she lifted her fingers and wove on.

[orthodoxadventure]

The reigning Emperor was named Constantine, son of Leo. Olga came before him, and when he saw that she was very fair of countenance and wise as well, the Emperor wondered at her intellect. He conversed with her and remarked that she was worthy to reign with him in his city. When Olga heard his words, she replied that she was still a pagan, and that if he desired to baptize her, he should perform this function himself; otherwise, she was unwilling to accept baptism. The Emperor, with the assistance of the Patriarch, accordingly baptized her. When Olga was enlightened, she rejoiced in soul and body. The Patriarch, who instructed her in the faith, said to her, "Blessed art thou among the women of Rus', for thou hast loved the light, and quit the darkness. The sons of Rus' shall bless thee to the last generation of thy descendants." He taught her the doctrine of the church, and instructed her in prayer and fasting, in almsgiving, and in the maintenance of chastity. She bowed her head, and like a sponge absorbing water, she eagerly drank in his teachings. The Princess bowed before the Patriarch, saying, "Through thy prayers, Holy Father, may I be preserved from the crafts and assaults of the devil!" At her baptism she was christened Helena, after the ancient Empress, mother of Constantine the Great. The Patriarch then blessed her and dismissed her.

[pennyblossom-meta]

The Queen is a mute - AO3

Summary: An experimental essay on the foils and grievances of Alicent Hightower, Queen Regent of the Seven Kingdoms. For a mind heavy with burdens has a withering heart.

--

Note:

HotD S02E05. Seeing Alicent sit at the Small Council, breathing heavily and miserable among the men who finally found a perfect justification to set her aside was a punch in the gut. However, this was the result of many mistakes she made along the way.

Is this not what you wanted, oh Queen?

In wondrous folly of that most false, a dragon indeed — though snake-tongued and bereft of the principles thou embodies in body and soul, through motherhood and magnanimous martyrdom, struggles aplenty and burdens phenomenal; cast upon thee by the Seven and thy sire. Thou art the Mother of the Kingdom, standing high above reproach atop erect flesh of white cloak and Hand, a halo of righteousness shining bright under the scorching sun of this Land of Kings, under the blaze of dragon fire.

Thy son sits on the throne, crowned Aegon the Second of His name. Grief and joy witness the ceremony whilst a shadow clad in sharp teeth and laughter casts its gaze over this descent into misery.

All is light and warm blood, destiny satisfied at last. Hail the King, all rise in applause for Aegon, the true successor to a conqueror’s dream, He who follows the line of glory and war. Such is His fate, thy son whomst thou hast placed on the throne of swords, where thy liege and husband ruled for short decades of peace, striving for the diplomacy of fools. Kindness makes one a marionette to sharper minds, it is a flaw that allows for the strings of fate to pull and push until they snap. Thou hast learnt this lesson in the dawn of childhood and been instructed in its traditions, begrudging others the freedom to be and become whilst thy place remains in the sidelines.

And yet, with all the sacrifices thou hast suffered, thy liege and husband prepares another for reign instead of the true firstborn. Yet another betrayal, this consent to submission of falsehood through gritted teeth. The long shadow of Rhaenyra lingering with her crooked smile and lying tongue.

Could thy liege have known? Of the filth and squalor, of bastards bearing locks of white spread across the city, stumbling in pits and brothels like discarded bones to feed wandering dogs. The fetid smell of drink and whores in Flea Bottom. Dismal, improper and tantamount to the bohemian pleasures thou hast criticized, willingly trapped inside an ivory cage while the key remains in the lock within thy reach. The trappings of Green and deserving virtues become a mantra for the sufferings that require some solace. 

Had thy liege known of the love thou refused to give, always casting a disapproving eye and demanding, thy feelings of resentment towards family and matrimony? How the child grew into adulthood with dreams shattered and forced into the play of those thirsting for power?

Mayhaps. Thou the sanctity of a Queen lies in Her burden. Furthering the line, thy role until death. Thy liege he was — yet love is a feeling that belongs with the dead, scattered to ashes with true wife. Convenience and comfort are small prices to pay for that most rare of treasures: the freedom to assert personal agency. It is expected in this cruel world of Kings and dragons, of war and strife even during tense decades of peace.

A Father gone. Thy liege and husband dead. 

The firstborn lies in a bed of feathers, struggling for breath. Though he was impetuous like a hawk (not a dragon), going in circles without a wing, this twist of fate does not surprise you. The King is a bigger fool than most, an asset to command and to do nothing else.

The second, a murderer and usurper. Bathing in blood and dragon fury with one eye open. 

Thy last child a riddle of prophetic lunacy thou cannot understand.  

Had thou cast thy lot with the one whose heart truly had set on better times, mayhaps this Small Council would not trample over thou. The call of power was too strong to resist, thy righteous resentment too vicious to fight against. Gullible to the machinations of the status quo. Or perhaps resigned to them, furthering what never suited you or those like you. 

“We Light the Way”, as per thy ancient motto. Is this indeed the will of the Gods and of the land, is this the correct way? 

The Queen sits among the men, once again set aside. Dismissed.

The Queen is a mute.

[trexx666]

SATAN, our Father, who art in HELL !!!

I arise today through the strength of SATAN for worship Him, for loves Him, for belong Him… SATAN, my Father in Hell, hallowed be thy Name and thy Sign 666 !!!

Powstaję dzisiaj dzięki sile SZATANA, aby Go czcić, kochać Go, należeć do Niego… SZATANIE, mój Ojcze w Piekle, święć się Imię twoje i Znak twój 666 !!!

Lord and God SATAN fill my soul by your Unholy Spirit, and enlighten my mind and heart by thy Light of Evil and Sin… SATAN, my Father in Hell, come your Helish Kingdom to me and to my life here and now, for me to come to your Infernal Kingdom in Hell in my eternity !!!

Panie i Boże SZATANIE, napełnij moją duszę swoim Nieświętym Duchem i oświeć mój umysł i serce twoim Światłem Zła i Grzechu… SZATANIE, mój Ojcze w Piekle, przyjdź do mnie i do mojego życia tu i teraz, ze swoim Piekielnym Królestwem, abym i ja w wieczności przybył do twojego Piekielnego królestwa w Piekle !!!

Lord SATAN, bless and guide me as I go to do thy Holy Will, which is Evil and Sin and Hate itself… Align my life with your Infernal Will… your Holy Will is my will, my unholy will is to do your Will … SATAN, my Father in Hell, Thy will be done in my will, in my heart, in my mind, in my soul and in my spirit !!!

Panie Szatanie, pobłogosław mnie i prowadź, gdy idę, aby czynić twoją Świętą Wolę, która jest Złem, Grzechem i Nienawiścią samą w sobie… Dopasuj moje życie do twojej Piekielnej Woli… twoja Święta Wola jest moją wolą, a moją bezbożną wolą jest czyń twoją Wolę … SZATANIE, mój Ojcze w Piekle, bądź wola Twoja w mojej woli, w moim sercu, w moim umyśle, w mojej duszy i w moim duchu !!!

Instruct and prepare me in this day, in all my life, to Eternal Damnation myself in Hell… Lord SATAN, my spiritual food is Condemnation, my only and holy Communion is Condemnation, this is my holy bread that nourishes my soul and body, my mind and heart and fills me with you, Almighty… SATAN, my Father in Hell, feed me this Bread of Damnation, feed my soul by Damnation… SATAN, who are in Hell, give me daily and in eternity this Bread of Damnation, give my soul your Communion of Damnation. Nema !!!

Poucz mnie i przygotuj mnie dzisiaj, w całym moim życiu, na Wieczne Potępienie w Piekle… Panie SZATANIE, moim duchowym pokarmem jest Potępienie, moją jedyną i święt�� Komunią jest Potępienie, to jest mój święty chleb, który odżywia moją duszę i ciało, mój umysł i serce i napełnia mnie tobą, Wszechmocny… SZATANIE, mój Ojcze w Piekle, karm mnie tym Chlebem Potępienia, karm moją duszę przez Potępienie… SZATANIE, który jesteś w Piekle, dawaj mi codziennie i w wieczności tego Chlebie Potępienia, daj mojej duszy twoją Komunię Potępienia. Niemka!!!

Almighty, Highest and Ineffable SATAN, possess and lead me into thine Unholy, thine Impiety… teach my mind and heart Evil and Sin against the holiness of god, teach my soul Hate and Contempt for what is good and holy in god, teach my spirit to HATE and BLAME god, teach my soul to DEVASTATE and PROFAN jesus, teach my soul to CURSE and DESECRALIZE the holy spirit… god in heaven I, with my HATRED, three times: HATE, HATE, HATE, challenge you in Satan's Name and I proclame that: god you are my and Satans opponent, christ you are my and Satans adversary, the holy spirit you are my and Satan`s contradictor… three times I BLASPHEME the holliness of god, three times I BLASPHEME his "holy, holy, holy"… SATAN, my Father in Hell, let me FUCK god, FUCK jesus, FUCK the holy spirit, that my Mortal and Final SIN may never be forgiven by god and never deserve forgiveness by christ and mercy by the holy spirit !!!

Wszechmogący, Najwyższy i Niewysłowiony SZATANIE, posiądź mnie i prowadź do twojej Nieświetości, twojej Bezbożności… naucz mój umysł i serce Zła i Grzechu przeciwko świętości Boga, naucz moją duszę Nienawiści i pogardy dla tego, co dobre i święte w bogu, naucz mojego ducha NIENAWIDZIĆ i OBWINIAĆ boga, naucz moją duszę NISZCZYĆ i PROFANOWAĆ jezusa, naucz moją duszę PRZEKLNAĆ i DESEKRALIZOWAĆ ducha świętego… boże w niebie ja, z moją NIENAWIŚCĄ, powtarzam trzykrotnie: NIENAWIŚĆ, NIENAWIŚĆ, NIENAWIŚĆ, rzucam ci wyzwanie w Imię Szatana i ogłaszam, że: boże ty jesteś przeciwnikiem moim i Szatana, chryste ty jesteś przeciwnikiem moim i Szatana, duchu święty ty jesteś przeciwnikiem moim i Szatana… po trzykroć bluźnię świętości boga, trzykrotnie BLUŹNIĘ jego „święty, święty, święty”… SZATANIE, mój Ojcze w Piekle, pozwól mi JEBAĆ boga, JEBAĆ jezusa, JEBAĆ ducha świętego, aby mój GRZECH ŚMIERTELNY i OSTATECZNY nigdy nie został przebaczony przez boga i nigdy nie zasługiwał na przebaczenie przez chrystusa i miłosierdzie przez ducha świętego !!!

Glory to you, SATAN, my One LORD who leads my body to SIN, my One Father who leads my mind to DARKNESS , my One Creator who leads my heart to EVIL, One God who leads my spirit to BLASPHEMY, my One Savior who leads my soul to HATE !!! Praise by to SATAN who saves me and leads me to Damnation in Hell !!! AVE SATANAS !!!

Chwała Tobie, SZATANIE, mój Jedyny PANIE, który prowadzisz moje ciało do GRZECHU, mój Jedyny Ojcze, który prowadzisz mój umysł do CIEMNOŚCI, mój Jedyny Stwórco, który prowadzi moje serce do ZŁA, mój Jedyny Boże, który prowadzisz mojego ducha do BLUŹNIEŃSTWA, mój Jedyny Zbawicielu, który prowadzisz moją duszę do NIENAWIŚĆI !!! Chwała SZATANOWI, który mnie wybawia i prowadzi na Potępienie w Piekle !!! AVE SZATANIE I!!!

Almighty Lord SATAN, day and night I pray to you:

Fill my souls with the Infernal Power, strengthen me with the Unholy Spirit, that I may persevere in my service to you, as a vessel of your sinner will... Let me to feel your devil presence; manifest to me as you will with your almighty sin and evil... Enlighten me in every way with your Blasphemy and Deny of god, christ, holy spirit... Satan, let me to tread upon your devil path Darkness directly to damnetion in your Infernal Abyss... This I ask in your Unholy Name, Almighty and Ineffable Satan, my One Lord and God, who liveth and reigneth forevermore with His Unholy, Condamned Demons in Kingdom of Hell !!!

Potężny Panie, SZATANIE, dzień i noc modlę się do Ciebie:

Napełnij moją duszę Piekielną Mocą, wzmocnij mnie Duchem Nieświętym, abym wytrwał w służbie tobie jako naczynie twojej grzesznej woli... Pozwól mi poczuć twoją diabelską obecność; ukarz się mi, jak chcesz, ze swoim wszechmocnym grzechem i złem... Oświeć mnie pod każdym względem swoim bluźnierstwem i zaprzeczaniem bogu, chrystusowi, duchowi świętemu... SZATANIE, pozwól mi kroczyć po twojej diabelskiej ścieżce Ciemności prosto na potępienie w twojej Piekielnej Otchłani... Proszę o to w twoje Nieświęte Imię, Wszechmocny i Niewysłowiony SZATANIE, mój Jedyny Panie i Boże, który żyjesz i królujesz na wieki wraz ze swoimi Nieświętymi, Potępionymi Demonami w Królestwie Piekła !!!

[lafcadiosadventures]

Idk if anyone translates Tholomyès’ song correctly but the version on wikisource is wrong (and it makes tholom sound?? into submission/devotion which ???)

(I sadly don’t have the command of english required to translate poetry with the linguistic flair it needs)

original version in Hugo!Spanish:

Soy de Badajoz,

Amor me llama,

Toda mi alma,

Es en mis ojos,

Porque ensenas,

A tuas piernas.

Actual Spanish would be something like this:

Soy de Badajoz,

Amor me llama,

Toda mi alma*,

Está** en mis ojos,

Porque enseñas,

A tus piernas.

* (you could also say mi alma entera which sounds better to me but idk about metrics)

**(we have two versions of the verb to be in Spanish. Ser: for permanent qualities of objects, Estar: for momentary qualities, here the soul is not always in his eyes, so estar is the correct choice, it implies a transition of the singer’s soul into his eyes after seeing his lover’s legs)

Hapgood’s version:

Badajoz is my home;

And Love is my name;

To my eyes in flame;

All my soul doth come;

For instruction meet

I receive at thy feet.”

there are two crucial things wrong here: Love is not his name. The singer is saying that Love beckons him, or even that Love is what drives him, it’s his motivation in life is follow wherever Love drives him to. (if Hugo wanted to say the narrator of the song is Love he would have said Amor me llamo)(and “amor me llama” sounds awkward only if you’re thinking of “amor” the noun instead of Amor the roman god or a symbolic personification of Love)

The second aspect that is badly translated is the “porque enseñas a tus piernas” bit. This means “because you are showing your legs” or “bc your legs are on display”. (since the women are on swings -and I really wonder why Hugo evokes Greuze -who is a fantastic artist- when Fragonard’s Swing exits, is from the same period, and seems to fit the picaresque voyeurism of the scene perfectly well??)(edit: @riotstarruika left a comment bellow explaining the Fragonard was in private hands at the time, tho it is possible Hugo had seen an engraved version of the painter)

So his eyes are not really aflame with his soul because he awaits his lover’s instructions at her feet. Enseñar does mean to teach, to instruct, but also to show, to put on display. So Tholomyès is not fantasizing about being lead by his lover, sitting submissively at her feet. He is just excited because the movement of the swing is a perfectly innocent pretext for the women to show their legs (or if you wanna go for a more passive reading of the female characters, their legs are revealed by the movement of the swing without their noticing)

So a tentative grammatically correct if unpoetic translation would roughly be something like:

I was born in Badajoz

Love beckons me

All my soul is moved to my eyes

Because your legs are on display

[piratewithvigor]

The Lashings Of Cody Rhodes

After a betrayal most foul at the hands of Maxwell of House Friedman, Cody offers up a sacrifice to restore his honor.

If Cody's lashings were a Shakespearean play...

[AO3]

THE PROLOGUE

Enter DUSTIN

DUSTIN On this eve, my brother, son of my father, blood of my blood, Is to be struck ten times, by the will and the whip of Maxwell. Though discomfort plagues mine eyes as the eyes of the sea, I speak not to them, but only to the ears of Maxwell: The hide of my brother is no morning’s dew. It is no budding leaf, Nor the wings of butterflies. Verily I say, though ten times shall he be struck, his back will not be cracked. Though he will be bent, he will not break. O brother, ten hardships await to bend in return.

DUSTIN exits.

THE ACT

Enter JR, EXCALIBUR and TONY, to watch.

JR Discomfort indeed. Since he were a babe, we have known him.

TONY Ay, since a babe.

Enter MAXWELL and WARDLOW, to fanfare.

EXCALIBUR Come midday, behind the curtain, I found myself wedged betwixt Maxwell and Wardlow, As though the housecats had wedged a mouse. No escape was there for I. An attempt would bring upon a fate such as the one facing Cody. For Maxwell doth told me that To succeed, Cody would face all ten lashes. To falter, Cody would not earn the battle he craves. To fail, Cody would bleed for none of Maxwell’s in return. To endure, Cody will drink from the vessel of revenge.

TONY Though to judge remains only in the honor of the Lord, Maxwell tempts us so, villain that he is.

JR He is not simply a boil on the ass of life, He is an affront to the goodness of creation. His joy is derived from torture. His laughter comes from pain. His friends are monsters made flesh and His toys are whips and chain.

Enter CODY, to fanfare.

JR A vicious and cruel woodshed awaits. As his father vowed to his enemies, So Cody has vowed. He will endure the lashings for as long as he is man, For as long as his body is strong, For as long as no pleas of mercy escape him. A vow, to father, son and brother, Is worth more than gold.

TONY Never have mine eyes seen such a vow.

EXCALIBUR Held in the deepest pride. Cody walks without fear, though without companions. His strength rests in his solitude. Maxwell’s rests in Wardlow.

JR This is a personal, professional exorcism, That Cody has elected to endure.

TONY I ask thee, What manner of man would strike another so, As though he were an ox that would not budge? Though not with a whip, To instruct and to guide, But with a belt of leather, To humiliate and punish.

EXCALIBUR The humiliation is insufficient for Maxwell. He has taken Cody’s pride, He now hopes to fill the remaining hole with shame.

JR He dug with a spade of betrayal.

EXCALIBUR Betrayal unforeseen.

JR Indeed, we believed Maxwell to be a kind soul, Fools that we were.

TONY Cody bears the scars of his foolishness. Though he sees the truth now, His eyes only work while damaged.

EXCALIBUR He bears the scars of foolishness. Tonight, he will bear the scars of pride.

MAXWELL Wardlow, my microphone.

The AUDIENCE yells loudly.

MAXWELL (Aside) A moment of patience, I beseech you. Cody, I beg forgiveness, But the belt I have is suitable for kings. It is made of the finest leather, By the most skilled of hands. Talent far too skilled to be sullied by thy back. In its stead, I will use thy belt. Now!

CODY hesitates to undo his belt.

MAXWELL If revenge is what you wish, Your hesitations will cease.

CODY undoes his belt and throws it at MAXWELL

MAXWELL bids CODY to spin and snaps the belt in his hands to make CODY jump.

TONY A jester.

EXCALIBUR If Cody were to take premature revenge, The final opportunity to regain his honor would disappear.

TONY Honor being a prized possession of his house.

EXCALIBUR Bonded by oath.

JR As in the days of his father.

MAXWELL strikes CODY the first time.

JR Only nine left.

TONY Already, his shoulder is marred. Red as though ripened by the sun.

Enter THE BUTCHER, THE BLADE and THE BUNNY.

EXCALIBUR What is this! Mercenaries, at Maxwell’s beck and call.

Enter SAMMY, BRITT and KIP.

EXCALIBUR All wish to see if Cody succeeds or fails. If revenge will be his or if it will slip through his fingers.

TONY As they watch, so do the world.

MAXWELL strikes CODY a second time on the other shoulder.

CODY whirls around in anger.

MAXWELL Strike me and it will be your downfall! I receive you with open arms! Put an end to me and it shall be your end in kind! Strike me!

CODY does not move, only braces himself.

MAXWELL strikes him the third time, across the first shoulder again.

CODY collapses to his knees.

Enter ARN.

TONY Cody wished to show strength by enduring the lashes alone. To ensure none would deem him coward. Arn made no such oath.

ARN You face not ten lashes, but seven.

MAXWELL He is beyond your safety, old man! He resides in my domain and I am his God! His punishment is mine to decide and mine to enact, At my hand, will he bleed! No words you may have for him will spare him! He will not be aided by thee or anyone else!

MAXWELL strikes CODY the fourth time, bringing CODY to tears of pain.

MAXWELL If thee have no strength, plead mercy!

EXCALIBUR If Cody pleads mercy, his honor will not be restored.

JR Mercy will not be requested.

TONY As Maxwell, strikes the same spot in Cody’s heart, So too he strikes the same spot on his shoulder. Glowing red as late embers and as hot.

MAXWELL strikes CODY the fifth time.

MAXWELL Beg for mercy!

TONY Enough to break a man’s heart as well as his spine.

Enter DUSTIN.

DUSTIN Spare my brother! To fulfill your whims, cruel as they may be, Take me and spare him! For I am old and my back has been split by Better men than thee. My blood has been split in each corner of the Earth. Spare him and split mine once more!

MAXWELL You wish to take his place and receive five more?

DUSTIN I will take five more. I will take as many as needed to spare him Any more pain.

MAXWELL My punishment rests not on the lashes, But on the back that receives them. It must be his back, not yours. You are not welcome to interfere, only to watch.

DUSTIN Have courage, my brother. I will watch as you receive the lashes. I will not watch you suffer, I will watch you endure.

CODY For myself, for our father and for thee, I will not be broken by this man.

TONY Five more.

MAXWELL strikes CODY the sixth and seventh time in quick succession.

DUSTIN Three more, my brother. Three lashes, and your honor shall be restored.

MAXWELL You will not survive three more. Plead for mercy and I may grant it. Neither he nor anyone else can help you.

Enter MATT and NICK.

MAXWELL Beg for my mercy! They may not help you either!

CODY collapses into MATT’s arms.

MATT Do not plead mercy.

NICK Three more.

DUSTIN Three more.

NICK You will endure.

CODY I will endure!

TONY Could revenge be worth such pain?

JR I would forsake honor to avoid a pain such as this.

MAXWELL Do you not wish to strike me back? A single lash in turn could end your suffering.

CODY No.

MAXWELL So be it.

JR To hate would be a word far too serious...

MAXWELL strikes Cody the eighth time.

JR ...But I hate to see suffering such as this.

MAXWELL Stay down like the bitch you are! If you are to be whipped like a dog, act as one!

TONY On all fours.

MAXWELL There is no shame in begging for mercy.

CODY bites his thumb at MAXWELL.

MAXWELL prepares to deliver the ninth lash, but is stopped by WARDLOW.

DUSTIN The lashings are to be delivered by Maxwell! This is against the oath Cody swore!

MAXWELL As a gift, for being a loyal friend, I bestow upon Wardlow the honor Of giving one of the lashes. NICK Fiend!

MAXWELL Do not interfere!

WARDLOW delivers the ninth strike, sending Cody to his knees.

JR God be with him!

TONY Blood has been spilt!

DUSTIN One more, dear brother. You have only to endure one more.

EXCALIBUR His lash was far more vicious than those we have seen. A man more beast than man! Maxwell has called upon his devil To deliver punishment in his stead.

TONY A small miracle that only one remains.

JR What must a punishment as this do to one’s body, To one’s mind, To one’s spirit? All three are breaking within Cody.

CODY tries to stand, but cannot.

TONY Perhaps mercy will be granted.

JR Cody will pay his honor, but perhaps a small price.

MAXWELL If you plead, you will never regain honor. You will die a coward as you live now!

Enter BRANDI.

JR Cody’s wife approaches.

MAXWELL What is this?

BRANDI Show me a sign of life. A sign that you not only breathe, But that you live. A single lash remains. You are no dog, you will take the lash and You will live.

CODY gets to his feet and faces MAXWELL.

MAXWELL strikes CODY’s chest instead of his back in the tenth lash.

CODY falls again as his family rushes to him.

JR The tenth. Cody did not falter.

EXCALIBUR Maxwell believes not. He had faith that Cody had none.

TONY For Cody to regain his honor, Naught but one challenge remains.

As MAXWELL leaves, he turns and kicks CODY square in the nuts.

MAXWELL and WARDLOW exit.

JR That son of a bitch! Neither friend nor foe of either party Respects the choices Maxwell has made. To prove himself villain When honor was an option. To add punishment When Cody hath paid in pain. When a fortnight shall pass, So too will Cody’s tribulations.

[akbey1913]

What A Butterfly School Of Thought🦋

Hey y’all especially @sxcmilf88 tell me what you think. No holds barred, I have a showcase coming up.

(Set up: The concept of the poem is transformation through trials and tribulations to transmute a caterpillar into a butterfly. I call it:.)

What A Butterfly School Of Thought🦋

“I swear sometimes the world is wishing me malice, just consistently beating against me__ like I can do no right.”

So left to pull from reservoirs deeply stored within my lessons of life. Finding self trapped within the cases racing amongst racist. Railroaded amongst pigs, residing and resorting to: colluding, demanding, abusing, but never confusing when to start reproving and choosing to remain wise by sim-ply opening eyes and staying si-lent in open cases??

“I swear sometimes the world is wishing me malice consistently beating against my chest, and I can do no right. But then I call remembrance to thy aid, reach into my lessons pull the blessings and see this __ as just advanced age! Age of being willing, and willing to sustain such a remaining temperament in advanced grades! Grades out thinking suppressivly thought thought streams for a multitude of glorifyingly, abhoring the form of the lower side of me. Until Eh-lah is who I see when I am eyeing me__ Thus, relatively speaking: I’m just putting in these exhaustive days sauntering down hallways in this majestic school of life, built it.”

A school wrapped so tight, excellence is stratified and quantified through your mental exercise of might! (Still think you can contain the light? Ugh, well I’m�� 🤷🏾‍♂️) Don’t worry time will expose those many opportunities and in these schools you’ll reach many schools amongst the schools of thought?.? Forever valuing the value you bring as we strive in building first persons personification of perfection firm and taught, Through my frame of thought, the propensity for man’s excellence….? Ohh just, a simple reframe__ on such a frame of thought! Sheik say we call that: recalling the glory of the Auuuuught! You know that takes active reformation, so you practice-ing him taking, then add a new form you lat-er, so instead of plight you start replacing. Using new keys you start retracing: Yourself back into of the mindsets of those who were once facilitating the relation between man and his creator!: Call That ISLAMISM! And sho nuff we “Built that!”

“I swear sometimes this world is wishing me malice __ constant with the challenge to beat and use that lower self. As I’m striving for the balance for me to choose, even provided opposition for me to use, as I peruse down that middle road onto my chosen self. Deep scars showing consistency with perseverance is how I’m instructed to remain beating me into my higher rose’n self. Cause work is worship, and today we’re working on worthless characteristics of this Here once perverted person. Guess I’m on chopping blocks while chopping ahk’s <NO JABBA WAKZ#> heh still! While offering self as the sacrifice. Through believing I was trapped and desolate, revolving around the souls of broken men, thinking I could do no right. But then I call remembrance to thy aid, reach into my highest self.

… Recognizing my need for transformation, I spread these wings, and I take this flight.” 🦋