#thus risking having to hear that fucking song

[justakidicarus]

Alastor has something he fears.

With how modern media has been going, well written characters are harder to come by, so I am very pleased to see how Alastor is written in the season 1 finale of Hazbin Hotel. Admittedly I did not watch the episode in full, but two major scenes are what I want to talk about.

Adam vs Alastor, and what I want to call Alastor’s interlude (his verse in the final song).

During Alastor’s fight with Adam, Alastor has clear technical advantage, but Adam’s sheer firepower overpowers him. Everyone has probably seen the “What just happened?? … Fuck.” Moment. Now most writers would write another character coming in for a save, or in the context of Hazbin a regular sinner would keep fighting.

Alastor is not your average sinner.

He accepts his defeat and slinks away before Adam can land the finishing blow. This is actually a massive thing no one really talks about, the fact that instead of staying to fight Alastor acknowledged when he was bested and left to fight another day. He is a fucking smart guy but this moment, when he chooses to lose rather than die, is super important to his character, and becomes clear in Alastor’s interlude.

Alastor is terrified of dying.

And I really do mean terrified.

Throughout the song you can hear the emotion in his voice (holy shit did Amir Talai do a good job). His facial expressions are panicked, especially during the line “died for his friends” and the close up at “The constraints of my deal surely have a back door,” that line in particular really capturing the picture of panic and terror. When he first speaks of dying, he looks more angry, but the rest of the verse he just looks terrified. Even if he may be a sinner and thus, has already experienced death, it remains his greatest fear as evident by his reaction to nearly meeting it.

Which makes sense when you look at the context of his death.

Alastor was shot in the head while occupied with burying a body in a hunting reserve. A gunshot to the brain is a quick and near instant way to die, especially since he likely wasn’t aware of the hunter and gun. To him, he heard a loud bang and was suddenly in hell. He has never experienced death properly because he didn’t even have a moment to process that his time was up until he was in the afterlife. Even in the afterlife, as a sinner he can’t permanently die, the only way possible is being killed by angelic weapons.

Weapons like what Adam wields.

Most people believe that Alastor retreated when his staff broke because he couldn’t fight without it, but I actually believe it’s because he realised that Adam could actually kill him. For the first time in his entire life, and afterlife, Alastor was faced with the possibility that he would die. For good.

And he was terrified of it.

He fled not because he couldn’t continue to fight, but because he was scared of fighting Adam and running the suddenly very real risk of dying, but hiding it as best he could. This is obviously made easier by his constantly smiling mouth (which I don’t think he can stop doing if you look at the stitched from his deal with Charlie) but there are a few signs. He loses control of his power such as his left eye and shadow. His ears tilt back as he’s getting up, a sign of distress in animals, and when he first gets up he looks around alert despite knowing the threat is in front of him, classic prey animal behaviour. Not to mention there’s almost 10 seconds where he doesn’t get up and is just on the ground with his face obscured while Vox gives his declaration. These behaviours could be pain related, he does have internal and external bleeding from Adam’s attack after all, or it could be fear based. Still, his interlude leads me to believe it’s a mix instead of solely the former.

Finally his sudden dedication to finding a loophole in his deal with his unknown contractor (I’m hesitant to say Lilith but idk).

From what I can gather by his actions surrounding the hotel and his strange dedication to Charlie and the hotel’s wellbeing, I’m inclined the believe his deal centers around protecting Charlie and the hotel. A deal he now desperately wants out of. It’s no secret that Alastor hates being on a leash (Husker found that out the hard way) but how the fuck did he even end up on one in the first place if he hates it so much?

Simple, he didn’t see it as a bad idea at the time. That or he could have died without it but we don’t know that yet

If what he got in return was a good deal of power or something else he coveted, why wouldn’t he take the deal to play secret bodyguard and watcher for the princess of hell, one of the most well guarded people in hell, and her lofty idea that ultimately will fail and likely gain no traction at all? It’s practically free power.

And then Charlie starts pissing off all of heaven. And dragging her father and whole host of powerful and dangerous beings into her charade.

Now this is becoming a bad idea he can’t back out from.

And then he almost dies.

Why would the try to escape his deal? Alastor values his life above all else and his greatest fear that I think he now knows about, is the fear of death itself, a suddenly very real risk with the people Charlie, the person he’s forced to protect, is angering. Alastor wants out because of that sheer human thing that is the fear of death.

That’s why it’s such great writing.

Alastor is scared of death and that is what makes him human.

It’s a part of his character he can overcome or fall victim to, something that makes his character relatable and 3D rather than a distant mask. It’s something that makes him human, and that’s especially important in a character that was once just that.

No matter where Alastor’s character goes in the future, if he overcomes this fear and is somehow redeemed (plausible in the way the show is going), or if he is a villain for a future season brewing in the shadows, still driven by this fear that is so central to his actions (again, plausible with how the show is so far, he still had a villain moment after all even if it was a humanising one), Alastor’s character has actually gained so much depth, and all from one little scene sharing one shard of humanity he has left.

[han-tyumi-apologist]

Flight b741

I know I said that I'm working through the live albums, and I am! But because this tour is debuting Flight b741, and thus prominently features most of the tracks from this record, I figure that I ought to lay out my thoughts on these songs so I don't repeat how much I fucking love Le Risque every time they play it.

I'll start with an anecdote. I was putting on my music as I got in my car and spotify dutifully reported a new Gizz single to me. A new single! I was starting to think that they might give themselves a fucking break in 2024, (if you can call a world tour a break) but we are talking about the band that has released 5 albums in a year - twice.

So I put on Le Risque. I'm in for a pretty boring commute and I preemptively put it on repeat. I find that I don't really absorb a song until about the 60-70th listen. Which is why I'm in the -05% of listeners on spotify

Here's a posthumous recreation of my live reaction:

Oh hey that's Joey!

This really goes oh fuck yeah drum break down

I love the lyric flow in this, this is super fresh you can really feel

Ahahahhaha alright!

-- hey wait that's Cavs?

I'm weak as piss no risk No fire, no flame I’m always feelin the same The risk, it sits At the tip of my tiny prick

*chokes* 

No style no ease I'm a pathetic forgotten steaze

I don't think I've heard anyone say steaze in like ever none of the people I know ever know what I'm talking about when I say it hearing it in a song is wild

Its so cool hearing other band members on the mic and what a good so-

HELLOOOOOOOOOOO EVIL KNEEVIILLL!

FUCK YEAH *inadvertently accelerates the car*

Running through the red light~~

I couldn't possibly have timed it better, but I did (accidentally!) run a red light exactly on that line. I'm sorry officer but the music is just too fucking good.

I already liked the song before I ran a red light on the song's advice, but it was going to be an instant favorite for me regardless. Can we talk about why the title of the song is titled in French but not once is that ever referenced or actually pronounced? By talk about I mean that’s it that’s all I have to say about it I just think its really funny.

Le Risque I think is a really good example of the band's understanding of DYNAMICS. It's helped by the rotation of vocalists, but the pacing of the song keeps you hooked the entire time. It's got high highs (HELLOOOOOOOOOO) , and the lows build into crescendos that are to die for. Stu's verse at the end is probably the best example. The social engineering is perfect - everyone else's verses come first. If you have a passing familiarity with Gizz you probably were expecting Stu's voice, and probably weren't expecting an even split collaboration on lead vocals. It's not a desperate suspense, I don't think I was really consciously aware of the set up until about the 24th listen. At the end of Ambrose's verse, when everything quiet's down and it's just Lucas keeping time on the bass, giving you enough time to wonder if Stu's even on this track, you get the pay off. The instrumentals build back up in accordance with the escalation of the lyrical content and the song's energy snowballs into a hard stop .

You know how your teachers have probably told you that you should always restate your thesis at the conclusion of your paper?

Adrenaline my dearest friend It's you and me until the end!

I didn’t notice until writing this actually but it's quite satisfying for Le Risque to end on the words 'the end'. I have no idea how intentional this was (they're a smart bunch it probably was intentional) Regardless, it's really sexy. It puts a bow on the song and ships it to your door. I don't think Le Risque is a ballad, but it's definitely a progressive work and tying it up neatly allows Flight b741 to start on its own terms. I'm a huge sucker for tracks that they include the tap off into the next song. It makes for a satisfying listening experience, allowing the tracks to flow continuously, but still giving them room to breathe.

Oh right this is supposed to be a review of the whole album. Lmao.

To be completely honest, I was initially a little disappointed in the next two singles. (Hog Calling Contest and Field of Vision) I didn't dislike them, but at the time I didn't see how they all fit together. I think that releasing them in reverse order that they appear on the album is what made me think that. They're consecutive tracks on the album, so it was difficult to see the flow between them I'd be interested to know why those were the tracks that they decided to release first. I think that Flight b741, which is the title track, does a better job of setting the tone and theming of the album than Field of Vision, which is a hoot and a half to be sure! It's a just little esoteric, which, actually isn't all that surprising. It's a self reflection on their career, with the cameo mention of their former tour manager Jess Lewis and lyrics such as:

All the blood, the sweat, the tears that we put into everything Year after year we're still here And Still running blind after so many years Surely something's gotta give?

At least in my own reading, it seems like Field of Vision is sort of the personal thesis of the album. After years and years of pouring everything into their work for other people, fuck it. Silly billy time.

You know actually I've talked myself into a different opinion I think it's baller to tease your album with this kind of self reflection and honesty. Only real critique I have of this track is that what I thought were monkey noises and then later realized were meant to be pig squeals at the end are definitely a choice. It makes sense as a tease for Hog Calling Contest, but they were released in reverse order, so it sort of sounds like it's supposed to flow into a different track.

Hearing them live is what really reshaped my perspective on the tracks. Before hearing them live, I felt pretty medium about most of them. Again, not that I disliked them, but I hadn't quite gotten the vision yet.

But these songs are electric performed live, and I don't just mean the instruments they're played on. The energy that they bring to these performances just is not matched in the studio master, and in a live performance it's easy to see exactly how collaborative this album is. I got to hear the live debut of Antarctica, Raw Feel and Sad Pilot at the DC show. While I had been really hoping to hear Le Risque live, I did a full 180 on my opinion of Antarctica. This isn't a live show review so I'll try to be brief but I do love the way that their longer ballads (Dripping Tap, Iron Lung) have become vessels for little teases and allusions to other tracks of theirs. I had a friend who was expressed disappointment that Gizz was becoming "just a jam band", and my sister in christ they always have been - it's just a much more developed and intentional version of what we saw as early as Quarters! Haha, Dripping Tap is 18 minutes long, but catching a little whiff of Antarctica (I know this aint gonna go well, we've got a snowball's chance in hell) was enthralling. It forced me to pay more attention to the lyrics than I had on my initial listens (it's a killer line lets be real) and also reignited my interest in the middle of what is admittedly, a rather long track.

Luckily for me, and also everyone with more than a passing interest in KGLW, they're releasing ALL of the recordings from this tour, meaning that you can hear the live versions of all of these songs easily. Here are some of my favorites so far : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0sziYShtr5JkY68b3gZls6?si=45cd8e34e6d94c76

My current affinity for this album is in no small part due to their live shows, and the little personality moments that these tracks brought out on stage. ("We saw the real version of this song earlier today, a seagul-" "DON’T give it away" "This song is called.. Seagull :} ") These moments would happen regardless, but at least compared to my experience with the 2022 tour (following the release marathon of IDPLMLMAO, Laminated Denim and Changes) it seemed to me like they had a lot more fun playing the album about their collaboration as a group than when they were juggling a set list that included 3 new releases. It was a different time.

I want to mention Daily Blues as well. People who think that Gizz music doesn't have politics in it are1.  just stupid or 2. have only listened to like, Rattlesnake, but most of their commentary up to this point has been about the environment. I think that the message of Daily Blues is really, really important.

All the bigots go get fucked Give us back our free love Faith only binds you to ideology That aint peace and that aint free

That bangs. I didn't suspect that the six gay guys band was going to silently allow bigots to integrate into their fanbase, but hearing it made explicit is definitely a comfort. At both shows I've been to, they started the concert with a  call to be kind and look out for each other. Putting the same sort of messages on their music makes it clear that these aren't just platitudes. Their care for their audience is something I really respect about them.

That being said, to me, the lines

What you gotta do is Find that person you hate Grab em by the hand, look em in the eyes And say "I love you"

Have always sounded a little naive? It's 'love thy neighbor' in blues rock, which to be super clear is a good and important message to send. Maybe it's that musically it's one of my least favorite tracks, maybe it's that I'm just too jaded to feel like love thy neighbor is effective against true dyed in the wool bigots. Again, they aren't wrong, and ultimately I do agree with the message, but I feel the same sort of cynicism that I feel when Christians say it, although strangely I think that they're using love thy neighbor in a way that's much closer to Jesus' original message than the way many Christians use it today. I also definitely thought the line was "grab em by the head" which is definitely an… intense call to action. This may have informed my initial opinion.

The sign off at the end of Daily Blues is really sweet.

Thanks for flying We've been your pilots Lukey Joe Cookie Amby Cavs Stuie

It wraps up the album nicely, and reemphasizes that this album is very much about the people writing it. I don't think that there are any other tracks where any of the band members are mentioned by name, so it seems fitting that the first time this happens it's all of them at once. While they're known for their conceptual work, it's been said in interviews that that era was largely Stu's vision. The past few years have seen more and more creative input from other members of the band, culminating in this album. As a long time listener, it's a joy to see the joy they bring to Flight b741.

[thelostgirl21]

I've seen quite a few interpretations of "Extraordinary Things", only to realize that it kinda looks like a literal instruction manual from Jaskier to Radovid on how to effectively woo him!

I mean...

Keep your words on ice

Your gaze lights the fire

Please kindly shut up, because we're stuck in some kind of impossible situation you and I where I know you keep being pressured to lie to me, and that royally sucks (no pun intended)!

Instead of using words, I thus highly suggest you keep looking at me the way you've been doing, because it's working.

They say, "Keep on playing nice"

But I have no desire

Fuck Dijsktra and Philippa, that are trying to make us do their bidding and keep us docile and subservient (i.e. "play nice", "fall in line"...), so they can further their own political agenda! Screw them!

Why waste our words

When lips were made

for extraordinary things

Because I kinda wish we were kissing and using those mouths to bring each other pleasure, instead of being forced to play deceitful games against each other.

It's not a want, it's a need

It is paying no heed

to what others say to sing

I need to genuinely connect with you, and for us to be open and honest with each other. And the only way we'll be able to do that is if we stop listening to them and putting on a performance for them - singing only what they tell us to sing.

The greatest songs are made up

of unspoken words of love

So, perhaps we could listen to our hearts instead? Because although we don't or can't speak it - at least not in the open - I know there's some deep love and affection growing there.

Of them I have had enough

With you, I have enough

With you, I am enough

I am enough

We don't need to play games; not with each other. I've had enough of them. You make me feel like you'd be enough, and like I could be enough, if we could just stop pretending.

Drop the sweet disguise

Your heart's beating too loud

Look, it's painfully obvious that you like me, and that you're much smarter than you pretend to be... So, could you please just drop the "dumb Prince persona" when it's just us?

What I see underneath is far more interesting...

The fairy tales and little lies

can't drown out all the sound

Even with the ambiant noise created by all of your pretenses, and all the little tales you spin to keep your brother / his spymasters pleased, I can still hear the words you won't, or cannot, dare say; and the sound of that warm, loving heart beating underneath.

So take this heart

And break this heart

For extraordinary things

I know loving you will probably hurt me and break my heart - in one way or another - yet I still want you to have it; because of all the extraordinary things I might also gain in return. The heartbreak might be worth it.

It's not a want, it's a need

It is paying no heed

to what others say to sing

Bis

The greatest songs are made up

of unspoken words of love

Bis

Of them I have had enough

With you, I have enough

With you, I am enough

I am, I am enough

Bis

So, by singing the song back to Jaskier, Radovid was basically telling him "I want to be able to love you and be honest with you, too. No more pretense, no more disguises, and no more lies."

Which is probably why his subsequent moment of weakness - with Radovid going to see Ciri behind his back - hurt him so much.

I still think Jaskier's words went too far in the way he said them to Radovid, but I do get the hurt behind them.

I don't think Jaskier can feel safe yearning to be that emotionally unguarded and open with someone that can't take the same risk to fully be honest and vulnerable with him (on things that do concern and involve him, at least).

We all carry some violence in us, and it only makes Jaskier more human and beautiful, in a sense, that he was so harsh...

But rationally, Jaskier can't realistically expect Radovid to learn how to use his newly acquired "fins", and gracefully swim alongside his siren on his very first try to emancipate himself from his usually toxic and very emotionally dry environment.

Unlike Jaskier - that has people that love him and would be willing to risk their lives to keep him safe - Radovid has no one.

Even his brother - though he expressed a passing frustration for the possibility of him being dead in a ditch somewhere - wouldn't have set foot outside the castle to personally search for him.

And the happy reunion lasted but a second before Vizimir spotted his portrait and went "Oh my! Fine work! Don't I look good?"

Like... Kuddos for Vizimir for being willing to recognize his baby brother's unhappiness, basically going "Yeah, you're right, you've been pretty useless here haven't you?", and agreeing to let him go.

But JFC! His brother's relief was so short lived, and his idea of "offering comfort" is basically saying "Oh, don't worry, I'll hurt people in your name once I'm done admiring myself!"

And people are surprised Radovid would be willing to jump in a vast and unfamiliar sea to follow a siren that he all but just met, on the promise of a mere "maybe"...

Regardless, Radovid trusting Jaskier to understand him, and to genuinely care about his plight, takes a lot of courage. He has to believe, and trust, with all his heart, that his siren wouldn't just let him drown out there.

Obviously, it's not Jaskier's fault that Radovid's situation is so awful, and that he's got nowhere else safe to go; nor is it his job to save him, either.

So, I do highly respect, and felt relieved, even, by Jaskier answering Radovid "maybe", immediately followed by "after I find Ciri", when Radovid expressed a wish to show him who he truly is.

He's putting up healthy boundaries, and setting realistic expectations. Jaskier knows how perilous trying to find and protect Ciri is going to be, and how far he's willing to go for those he loves.

By that point, I'm not even sure he's fully expecting to survive it. So, there's no point in him making any promise to Radovid that would only make him get even more heartbroken if he doesn't make it back to him.

That being said, I do believe that Jaskier would have been relieved to have Radovid come find him, and for them to face whatever is going to happen together.

But it has to be Radovid's choice to take those risks. It has to be something that he decides to do because he believes, in his heart, that it truly is what pleases him most.

Jaskier's simply being honest by telling him "I'm going to throw myself into the eye of the hurricane with Geralt to attempt to save Ciri, and I might not make it. If you come with me, you might not survive it, either. I'm not saying I don't want to give us a chance to really get to know each other and be together, but I can't make you - make us - my priority until I know my family is safe. Once we've found Ciri and the storm has calmed down, we'll see. Right now, she's what matters most. So, if you follow me, rescuing her is what we'll be doing, and I can't promise you anything else. I don't know what happens next."

Again, he makes that "maybe" truly worth fighting for, because a partner with a realistic approach to a relationship is extremely reassuring, and someone you can typically really rely on to actually attempt to build something real.

Still, to get back to the song, while I'm not claiming my interpretation of "Extraordinary Things" to be the right one, I can't help but be amused at the thought that it might really have been that straightforward of a song...

Here we are, looking for some deep meaning and symbolism through the lyrics, when Jaskier might really have just been saying:

"Look, I like you, I know you like me, I think we can both agree that Philippa and Dijkstra are complete sociopathic manipulative dicks, and having them set us up to play games against each other truly suck in a way that's far from enjoyable... So, how about we just stopped pretending to be anything we're not, and used our mouths for pleasure rather than lies and deceits?

Y/N?"

And Radovid chose to circle the "Y" by singing the song back, essentially telling him "I want that, too."

Seriously, I thought him having learned the song was a compliment, but that's literally a freaking conversation they are having between them.

Jaskier: Here's how I feel about our situation and how I propose we deal with it.

Radovid: I know, and I feel the same way.

But see, Radovid struggles with his playing, and think it's shit, because it's the first time he can safely be honest with someone.

And he doesn't have Jaskier's level of confidence or experience with being emotionally open and vulnerable with someone that loves him.

So yeah, Jaskier will have to be there to help him work on that, because Radovid has only started to learn playing that song.

They're able to freaking communicate through stares and lyrics. HOW?!?!?!

How do their brains even work?

It's freaking beautiful and I need more of whatever it is they have going on...

This is how they are going to stay under Philippa and Dijkstra's radar, and eventually turn the tables on them; secretly talking strategy right in the open, through song lyrics, without anyone catching onto it!

[skyrim-said-that]

Ok I know I already sent these in the discord but you said show your work so here I am. I have less to say about some then others

Azura: Twilight Zone//Golden Earring

I'm pretty sure this song is about a secret agent of some sort carrying out their mission so i tend to relate it to Azura and the Nerevarine. The references in the song to the twilight zone are about the moral grey area of their mission and how disorienting it can be and I feel like that can also apply to the Nerevarine's mission in Morrowind against the Tribunal. The lyric about "my beacon's been moved under moon and star" is about how their (the Nerevarine) allegiance has been moved under Azura and how she is their guiding light.

Boethiah: Counter Opps//HAWK

This is just a very punk song about disrespecting authority and I think it fits well with Boethiah's aspect of overthrow of authority

Clavicus Vile: Wish I May//Breaking Benjamin

"I wish I may, I wish I might, When all these dreams have come to end, You wish you were, you're not my friend" self explanatory I think

Hircine: Waidmann's Heil//Rammstein

Song title means "Hunter's Salute" so i think that's enough explanation but one lyric in particular that I like is

"Auf dem Lande auf dem Meer lauert das Verderben, Die Kreatur muss Sterben" which roughly means "ruin lurks in the land by the sea, thus the creature must die"

Mehrunes Dagon: Zerstören//Rammstein

The title means "destroy" and the entire song is about the impulse to destroy and how destruction is in itself an extention of art and life

Mephala: The Webs We Weave//Escape The Fate

Idk man, it's a song about deception with an extended metaphor of spiders and spider webs. What's more Mephala than that.

Molag Bal: Prison Sex//Tool

Possibly the most uncomfortable song I'll recommend but fitting for the most uncomfortable prince. It's about the rampant sexual assault that happens in prisons and the cycle of abuse, ae. the lyric "Do unto you now what has been done to me, Do unto others what has been done" lyrical content aside the music is really fucking good I love the opening guitar riff. But yeah definitely listen at your own risk the lyrics get a little graphic towards the end.

Namira: Eat You Alive//Emigrate

It's a song about cannibalism idk what you want from me

Sanguine: Personal Jesus//Depeche Mode

Idk I just think he'd really like the idea of his followers reaching out to him so he could "hear their prayers" also the original version of the song by Depeche Mode is the sexiest one

Sheogorath: Cradles// Sub Urban

"Tape my eyes open to force reality, Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee?, I live inside my own world of make-believe" I don't have anything to say about it just yeah

Vaermina: bury a friend//Billie Eilish

It's a song about nightmares idk

(If you don't like the way I formatted this go ahead and change it lol I was just pasting this from my notes app)

-

1: i dont know jack shit about the lore but sounds great to me, we love a morally grey mission. 2: boethiah says punk lives on. 3: is this about his weirdly complicated relationship with his dog or am i missing lore. 4: honestly i think hircine would fuck with rammstein. 5: so would dagon. 6: spider girlboss moment. 7: honestly youre real for recommending a song for him, i honestly was gonna cut him from the list bc nobody likes him. 8: love that for her. 9: THATS SO SEXY OF HIM. 10: real. 11: also real

[toothpastecanyon]

We Creatures, Chapter 3

When Alcor felt Mizar calling to him, he came to help. Perhaps, this one time, he should have stayed asleep.

See most updated version on Archive of Our Own.

______________________________________________________________

“I spy with my little eye… something beginning with e.”

“Is it elves?”

“What? No!”

“Just checking,” Mizar sat back in her seat. “Just checking, uh… electricity! From the lights?”

“No.”

“Elm tree! I see some elms over there.”

Alcor grinned. “Nope.”

“Okay… fuck, I give up. What is it?”

“Okay, are you ready? You’re gonna kick yourself: Everest.”

“Ev… Everest?” She raised an eyebrow. “Like the mountain in the Himalayas?”

“Yeah!” He chuckled to himself. “You know, I’ve gotten a not-insignificant number of summoners over the years who wanted me to teleport them to the top of Everest and back. Some of them worded it better than others, but you humans are just obsessed with that place - it’s so funny to me!”

“That’s great, but this is the third time you’ve named something only you can see.” She crossed her arms. “I don’t think this Eye Spy game is working.”

“Oh… that’s okay! I have other road trip games! How about twenty questions - we pick something in the environment and, uh, the other person asks you twenty questions about what it could be…”

He launched into an explanation. In the back, Mizar rolled her eyes. She was grinning, though.

______________________________________________________________

They rounded a curve on the interstate, radio blasting.

“We gotta hooooold on to what we got!”

“It doesn’t make a difference if we make it or not!”

Mizar was using a soda can as a microphone. “We got each other, and that’s enough for noooow, we’ll give it a shot!”

“OHHHHH, we’re halfway there!” Alcor swerved in time to the music. “OOOH-OHHH, livin’ on a prayer! Liiivin’ onnn a prayyyy-aaa-err!”

______________________________________________________________

“And so I told her, you can’t ride a pig into battle, Mabel. Waddles - his name was Waddles - is too small, and let’s face it, he’s not really a fighter. He rolls - rolled - in the mud all day, he ate carrots, he’s not really down to charge through a cultist’s basement and strike fear in their hearts”

Mizar was slumped in the back, methodically ripping up gummy worms. “Mmmhm.”

“But, uh, a bit of a size change, and boy was I wrong.” Alcor chuckled, one hand on the steering wheel as they cut through a forest. The sun was still up, but it was blocked by the trees; every so often he’d squint as a ray peeked through. “Kind of glad that didn’t become a regular thing. A horse-sized pig is, uh, more intimidating than you’d think.”

“Mmmhm.”

“But yeah, she did funny things like that… all Mizars tend to do stuff like that… but always a different thing, you know?”

“Yeah…”

“I dunno, maybe I’m explaining it weirdly.” His smile faded a bit. “It’s been a long time since I thought about her… too long. I just… I sort of forgot, I guess? It feels like I can’t’ve - she was my sister, but… I guess time does that to you.” Alcor stared forwards. “Everything fades. In time.”

The silence stretched, and Mizar frowned a bit. She glanced over at him.

“Dude?”

“Huh?” He blinked. “Oh, sorry! Think I blanked on you for a second there.”

“Always encouraging to hear that from your driver.”

“Heh, yeah…” Alcor nodded, and then looked back at her. “So what about you?”

No reply. He looked back, and saw she’d gone still.

“Mizar?”

“What do you mean, what about me?” Ostensibly nothing had changed about her, but Alcor could feel a sort of carefulness in her choice of words now. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, and Alcor made a face.

“I didn’t mean anything serious by it. I just thought I’d get to know you a little bit more!” He shrugged. “You know, uh… oh, what’s your name? I never asked you that.”

“You’ve been calling me Mizar, right? That works.”

“Well, Mizar’s your soul’s name. You have a name apart from that, right?”

“Sure I do.”

“Yeah?” There was a pause. “Uh, what is it?”

“…Smith.” Mizar ripped a gummy worm in half. “John Smith, there you go.”

Alcor struggled to keep a smile. “Okay, Mizar, uh… so you lived in New York, huh?”

“Yeah. You gonna make me give you an address now?”

“No, I- ugh. Forget it.” Alcor rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t trying to pry, I was just trying to get to know you. Why are you so against that?”

“Why do you want to know so bad?” Mizar sat up a bit. “Look, genuinely? I’m sorry that’s frustrating for you. When I summoned a demon, I wasn’t exactly thinking I’d have to make small talk with them.”

“What does that mean?”

“Means I actually kind of like you, dude! And I feel bad, but I can’t risk…” she trailed off, then cleared her throat. “How about this. Once we get to the desert, you can ask me anything you want, okay?”

Alcor frowned. “Okay… I’ll wait for the desert, then.”

“Thank you.” She sat back a little. “Thank you, Alcor.”

He didn’t quite know what to say to that. The conversation seemed like it had reached its end, and he started fiddling with the radio again. Most of it was adverts, though; it felt like sometimes the stations were coordinating to all go on break at the same-

“Look out!”

Mizar’s voice shot through him like a knife. He looked up and noticed there was something in the road - a deer! He swerved hard, and then he tried to swerve away from a tree right at the bend in the road but it was coming up too fast and-

The impact broke on him like a wave slamming against a hard cliff, and the sound of glass and metal shattering split his body’s eardrums. He felt his head crack against the steering wheel, and when he looked up he had to blink through the blood.

There were… legs? Legs through the windshield, and a sweatered body wrapped around the tree, and Alcor felt a raw fear flood through his being.

“Mizar?” He tried to get up, get out of his body, but something held him in place. “Mizar!”

And then she moved. He froze.

“Ugh…” Mizar shifted, and moved her neck off the right-angle it was making with the tree’s trunk. She rubbed her head. “Ow.”

Alcor watched with wide eyes as she shook herself off, and started extracting her legs through the opening. All the broken glass on the hood hadn’t left a scratch on her, it was…

“Impossible,” Alcor breathed. He saw her eye settle on him, her face flash through a million expressions before turning carefully blank. “You’re not human.”

“It…” She hesitated. “It doesn’t matter right now. We need to go.”

He tried to sit up, but something was keeping him rooted in place. It was more than being trapped; he tried to step into the Mindscape, but something had tethered itself to his very soul and bound him to the Earth.

“I can’t.” He frowned. “I’m… trapped?”

“You’re trapped?”

Bound to the Earth… Alcor lifted up his shirt, and found a branch impaled through his abdomen, skewering him to the seat. It was young, thin, but before his eyes, he watched it grow thicker, watched bark form on its trunk, and creep up his skin.

Mizar saw it too. “Shit,” she said, and backed up. “They’re here. They want you.”

“The elves?”

“Yeah… I have to go now.” She jumped off the car’s hood. “Sorry, dude.”

“Mizar? They want me? Wh-what does that mean? Mizar!”

But she was gone - vanished into the darkness. Alcor gritted his teeth, then he summoned a flame and tried to burn the branch. Nothing happened; if anything, a couple leaves sprouted where it should have turned to ash. The bark kept climbing up his chest, and he felt… strange. A little drowsy. It was easy to resist - for now.

But there were voices, and he pushed all that to the side.

“...No, child.” Elvish - spoken softly, like a song. “Do not chase the startled bear into its cave. Have patience, patience…”

He could see three pairs of feet, approaching. Two of them were clad in bark armour - the middle wore a long, flowing robe, and continued forwards where the other two stopped. It walked right up to Alcor, and for the first time in a very long while, he could feel a little bit of apprehension.

It was just an elf, he told himself. Just a mortal. Whatever it was, he’s a demon, he could take it…

The feet stopped in front of a mangled car door. Then they leaned down a little, and a face appeared through the broken glass. By the ears, they were elven, and by the locks of brilliant white hair framing their face, they were ancient indeed.

“Greetings, demon.” said the elf in a quiet tone. “You’ve made a mistake.”

Then they smiled. Alcor did not like the way they smiled.

“You’ve made a mistake,” He growled. “I don’t know how you’ve got me bound, but you can’t keep it up forever. If I get out and you’ve hurt one hair on Mizar’s head… what are you doing?”

The elder was waving at the other two. In unison, they kneeled on the ground, and started whispering to it. The bark creeping up Alcor’s chest started accelerating.

“Alcor the Dreambender,” the elder turned back to him. “You don’t know what a Sanctuary is, do you?”

“Wh-”

“No, you wouldn’t. Thus far, you’ve been a wise demon; you’ve stayed out of our affairs, and we’ve stayed out of yours.” They smiled. “Or perhaps, you’ve just been a lucky one. If you were wise, you wouldn’t have meddled last night, would you?”

“Meddled?” They leaned back as the elder leaned in close. “You were trying to kill Mizar, you- get back!”

“Let me educate you, child.” They whispered in his ear. “We will grow a great forest over your body. We will live in this Sanctuary, we will walk these woods, and our every thought will keep you bound, will keep you aslumber. And your wistful dreams will cause flowers to bloom in the springtime.”

With a smile, they stepped away, and spoke again.

“Now, do you see? Do you see why you should have been wise, demon?”

Alcor growled. After a moment, he got his claws under the bark encircling his neck. With a little effort, he ripped it away, and glared up at the elder.

“You can’t bind me forever. I’ll get out - you’ll regret this!”

“Hmm… perhaps. But not in time to protect that which you travel with. This… Mizar, you say?”

“Don’t you dare.” Alcor lunged at him. “Don’t you dare! D̞̖̟̱͉O̡͖͇̫N̳̦̳̫̮͎̯'T̹̼̮̤̠͢ͅ ̻̼Y̮͖̜OU҉͙̠̪̭̞̭ ͙̥͍̙͚̹̻D͈A̵̞̠̫̙̲̝R̠E͚̜̺̫̬!̦̤̬͉̪”

“A Mizar…” They stroked their beard. “So that is how it enlisted your help.”

“She҉ is̡ ̵mi͠ne͘!͜ S̸h̸e ìs mine̢!̕ ̷You̧ ̷hu̴rt̢ my̕ Mi͘zar,̴ ̸I ̢W̨ILĻ ͢ḰĮLL͢ ̨Y̵OU̧!”

“But she is not your Mizar.”

Alcor frowned. “Don’t you tell me who my Mizar is - I can feel it. I know!”

At that, the elf… laughed. He growled.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“Oh… it’s not funny.” They sighed; for once, the smile seemed to dip. “It’s not funny. I suppose it just… to see it happen again, it’s strange, is it not?”

Alcor watched the elf look into the distance. In their eyes were a thousand memories, and in their furrowing brow, a thousand pains. It seemed like an eternity before they spoke again.

“I had a daughter, once,” they started. “Long ago. Before I was one of the elders. Before the Transcendence. Shalana, her name was.”

Alcor watched the elf smile.

“And she was so full of life. She loved to dance with the wind and the leaves. And she loved everyone around her.” They shook their head. “She trusted everyone around her, and… she was mistaken.”

Alcor frowned. “What happened?”

“This is why you outsiders shouldn’t meddle.” They glanced up at him. “You ask me what happened - any elf would know what happened, but you are…” they sighed. “You don’t know of the Blighted Ones - they are hunters of us. Very specialized hunters; humans would see through their tricks, but we-“ they gestured at their visor. “We cannot. And you cannot, either.”

“What do you mean?” Alcor raised an eyebrow. “I have enough magic to see through any illusion-“

“And it is your magic that prevents you from seeing the truth! These creatures feed on magic - they twist your Sight, you cannot trust what you see!” The elf clenched their fists. “Just like Shalana could not See. She thought it was a friend who wanted to walk the forest with her; instead it was her doom.”

Alcor made a face. “I’m… so sorry to hear that.”

They looked at him, and did not smile. “You dare apologise to me?” They hissed, and leaned in closer. “You dare apologise to me when you saved her murderer last night!”

Alcor felt the elder grab his suit and wrench him in close. He was too stunned to resist.

“I spent millennia pleading with the Elders to hunt this creature down! Now I am one, and you dare interfere? You dare deny her justice? And for what?” They dug angrily in his suit pocket, and drew out the dewdrop. “For this?! This is what I’ll lose my retribution over?!”

Alcor couldn’t respond. The bark creeped up his neck, and he was fighting to keep his eyes open. The elder was only a blur as they pushed themself off of him.

“No…” they said. “Calm. Be calm. The mountain does not sway like the wind around it.”

He tried to sit up, but he was rooted to the seat. Nothing budged.

“I should not be surprised by this,” said the elf. “I should not. After all, what does a demon know of love?”

The bark was stretching over his jawline. Alcor could hardly summon the strength to panic anymore.

“Sleep well, Dreambender. You will wake to a better world- what is that?”

His closing eyes rolled over to look, and he saw something drop from the trees. There was a snarl, a cry, and the two elves stood up; suddenly the sleepiness fell away from him, and he jolted awake.

Mizar - or whatever she was - was the first thing he saw. She had the elder pinned, and with the back of her hand she slapped the visor off his face. They pushed her off and jumped away, covering their face.

“No! No! My eyes deceive! You’re not her!”

The two elves drew their swords and closed in. Mizar danced back as they slashed, glanced to the car, and then ripped off the side door and used it like a shield. One elf stabbed and stuck their sword in; she twisted it out of their hand, bashed them to the floor, then pounced on top and ripped out their throat.

The other elf raised their sword and drove it down through her back. She let out a cry, but in a flash she was on her feet again, eyes on the blade. They tried to slash at her; she caught their arm, twisted it back, and slammed them into the dirt.

Then it was silent, but for the quiet whimpering of the downed elf. Alcor watched her slowly, slowly kneel down to their level. She gripped their shoulders, and turned them over to face her.

He couldn’t see their face - only a sweater, and jangling bracelets on her arms. But the elf saw something else; he saw them go rigid, saw their feet kick up leaves as they struggled to get away, heard their groans turn to a desperate cry -

“No, no! No! Help! Tarathiel, aid me! I-”

Then Mizar struck. Alcor flinched at the scream, at the crack of bone and gristle; a deep pit formed in her stomach as he heard her begin to eat. Yet the more he watched, strangely, the fuzzier she seemed. Whatever she was doing, it was like the world around him had formed a kind of censor, and even the sounds of it faded sharply.

Like something was twisting his Sight… Alcor looked down at the visor that had landed on the front seat. He took a deep breath, and then ripped his hand out of the bark that had encased it, grabbed the visor, and put it over his eyes.

Now he saw without Sight. Now he saw the Creature that he had called Mizar.

It wasn’t human, no. It was much taller, and so, so thin. It was covered in a layer of fine yet shaggy hair, lending a greyish tint to the pale skin beneath; around its legs it was matted and grimy with dried sewage. Its hands were curled, clawed things at the end of its sticklike arms, and it was digging them into the elf to scoop out meat and dripping organs.

It was… oh, stars. Alcor felt a rush of primal fear at the sight of it, and he couldn’t help but gasp.

The Creature heard that; it froze, and then its head snapped around. Its face: its eyes were up where its forehead should’ve been, and the rest was all mouth, dripping with blood. Its jagged teeth glinted like broken glass as it turned and knuckle-walked towards him.

Alcor couldn’t help it; he growled, he leaned away as far as he could. “No… stay, stay back!”

He threw a blast of fire its way. It melted the side of the car, but nothing happened to the Creature - no, worse than nothing. His fire swirled around the narrow, bloodless hole in its chest, and sealed it.

“I’m warning you!” Alcor watched it squeeze itself through the opening in the car; it was so much larger than it looked. “Don’t come any closer, don’t - d-don’t touch me! What are you...”

It was reaching its filthy claws towards his face. He stiffened as they scraped against his forehead… then carefully closed around the visor, and took it off. The glow-eyed, primally terrifying being that hunched before him suddenly-

-just looked like a Mizar again. Felt like a Mizar again. If he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, there wouldn’t have been a doubt in his mind that this was his sister smiling sadly at him.

“I’m sorry,” said the Creature, with her voice. “I did lie to you. But… look, if I’ve built up any goodwill with you since we met… can you just hear me out? Please?”

Alcor didn’t move, didn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say. He watched the Creature’s eyes flit down, and fix on the branch that was keeping him in place. It reached out a lie of a hand.

“Here, let me get you out of that.”

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

Just a quick fanfic I wrote, where John and Paul are an old married couple, and John has a heart attack : (Hope you enjoy (enjoy??)

July 19th, 2016

“You can see him now,” the nurse said kindly.

Paul replied with a simple, “Thank you.”

He was in a hospital, nervously waiting to see his husband, John, after hearing he’d had a heart attack earlier that day. Paul had been at the studio, working on a song, when he’d got the phone call from John’s assistant.

“Paul? John’s had a heart attack, and he’s in hospital–”

“Is he okay?” was his knee-jerk, desperate reaction.

“I- I’m not sure right now. We only arrived at the hospital a minute or so ago, so I don’t know what his condition is. They’re taking him in for surgery now.”

Paul took an unsteady breath, then said, “Okay…what hospital is he at? I’ll meet you there.”

This wasn’t the first time he’d received a phone call like this – he thought back to the 80s, when John had been shot, but against all odds survived. That was back when he was still with Yoko, and before Linda had passed.

Though the damage this time was arguably less drastic and appalling, it still managed to evoke a dreadful fear in Paul.

He knocked on the door, softly asking, “John?” as he walked in.

“Paul!” he half-shouted. Strangely enough, he was quite lively for someone who’d only just had a heart attack and undergone surgery.

Weakly, he said, “Hiya baby…” Paul tried to summon some strength and optimism in voice, but it was unequivocally underpinned by nerves. “How are you?” he said as he took a seat close to Johns bed.

“Im fucking great Paul,” he said smiling a wide smile; it proved to be contagious as Paul asked, “What’re you so happy about? Youre meant to be miserable and tired and all that.”

“Well, im just in a good mood!”

“Jesus, I’ll never understand you.” He muttered with a smirk as John smiled back at him. Paul continued, “Your kids are gonna be here soon – Julian might be awhile because he lives over in England, but Sean’s already on his way.”

“Oh yeah? When’s the paparazzi gettin’ here?”

Paul gave him a little grin, and grumbled, “Someone’s already tipped them off, the place is bloody surrounded outside.”

The excess of attention they received, especially in recent years after coming out, would typically aggravate John and throw him into a rant – this time however he simply chuckled at it. “Knew it…”

Paul tried to continue smiling, but seeing John lying there in a hospitable bed, looking like complete crap, and presumably feeling like it too, he wanted to crumble into tears and just drip to the ground; but he’d decided that, for now, he’d try and be strong for John.

Thinking back to that split second though, where all Paul had known was that John – his John, his husband – was in hospital, and he’d had no idea if he’d survive or not, Paul couldn’t help but let himself falter to an overbearing dejection.

His face fell into his hands, and he sighed, “God John…”

John looked over to him, “Paul?” He dropped his comic tone, recognising that Paul was too upset to appreciate his out of character optimism.

Paul shook his head as a response, signalling ‘no’ as answer. “Come on Macca…Im alright, aren’t I? I survived!”

“Yeah…” he moaned, “but you could’ve died. And I- ” he paused as his voice began to shiver, he was verging on the edge of tears. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Paul, one of us are gonna have to croak sometime – and let’s face it, your much healthier than I am, so it’s probably not gonna be you.”

“Don’t say that…” he whined.

“Well, I don’t what to say Macca,”

Lifting his head from his hands, he sighed sorrowfully once again and said, “Oh, I don’t know…Can’t you say something corny?”

“Alright; Paulie, love of my life, light of my world, I am – to everyone’s surprise – immortal! And thus, I will never die, and we will be united in our kingdom of love, for ever.” Paul simpered at this, then muttered, “Aren’t I lucky to have an immortal husband.”

“Certainly are…”

Paul took the others hand, ensuring he was careful as not to hurt his husband. “Gowan Macca, get in.” John said, signalling for Paul to climb into his hospital bed

“You sure you’ve got the strength?” he was hesitant for fear that he might hurt John in his weakened state. “Im not dead Macca! Besides, I miss you…”

“We’ve only been apart for a day!” he retorted. “And I already miss ye!”

Smiling bashfully at this, Paul stood up and slowly edged his way closer to the bed, then climbed in, embracing John in a loose cuddle. He burrowed his face in Johns shoulder, muttering “You better not be lying about that immortal thing…”

“Have I ever lied to you before?” “Yes – repeatedly actually. Pathologically even.” He joked in response.

“Well…im not this time.” Paul looked up from Johns shoulder, and tenderly he replied, “I know yer not.”

And with that, he sat up a little more, and leaned in for a kiss from his husband.

They were interrupted when a nurse entered: “Mr McCartney? Your daughter’s here.”

Slightly embarrassed, he said, “Oh, okay – thank you.” The nurse exited, and Paul continued, “Im just gonna go talk to her in the hall for a minute – don’t you dare die on me now!”

“Im immortal baby!” he said excitably.

“Course you are…”

“Dad! How’s John doing?” She, like Paul, maintained her usual optimism, but it was skewed with genuine concern for both John and her Dad.

“He’s doing okay, y’know. The doctors say he’s fine and all that, but…”

She finished the sentence for him, as he’d trailed of near the end. “But it’s a sign.” “Yeah.” He said cynically. She affirmed, “He’s gonna be okay Dad.”

“Yeah, I suppose so – but still…”

“Did the doctors offer a prediction on how long they think he has left?”

“Not yet – they said it’s too vague right now, and he isn’t suffering from any immediate health risks, but they’ll get back to me with a prediction soon enough.” “I think he’s gonna be okay; and I mean that! Make a few dietary changes and that, and id say he’s still got quite a few years left in him.”

“Yeah?” Paul asked hopefully – he understood Stella wasn’t a doctor and of course wasn’t equipped to make that sort of judgement, but hearing her earnestly testify to that belief still offered him confidence.

“Yeah.”

[imagineaworlds]

I Love You (Part Ten) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual​

Request: None.

Warnings: Mentions of getting shot. Mentions of blood. Explosions. Mentions of kidnapping. Mentions of stalking. Literally the whole shabang.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Greenaway!Reader

Word Count: 11066

Timeline: Season 2 Episode 01. Right after part nine.

HOTCH’S POV

Morgan came into my office just as the sun was rising over Quantico. The rest of the BAU, and really all of the FBI, was just starting to pour into the building for a long day’s work. He told me that Y/N went to get donuts and coffee for everyone, and offered me the chance to order something if I wanted. I stared at him with a blank face for a moment. No one went with them? We had an Unsub stalking us, and no one left Quantico with them? What the hell were Reid and Morgan thinking? Gideon made JJ hold a press conference almost two hours prior— which was a bad idea on its own— and now Y/N left without anyone with them? I didn’t doubt that they could handle themselves. I knew that they could. But this guy knew everything about us. We could afford to take such a risk.

“No. I don’t want anything,” I responded calmly. Morgan shrugged and nodded, patting the door frame before leaving. The second he was out of sight, I picked up my cell and started calling them. They picked up after the first ring.

“Morgan was supposed to call me with your order, Aaron.”

“I know, I know. Why did you leave without someone else?”

I could hear the annoyance and defiance in their voice, “It’s not that big of a deal, Hotch. I’m just going to Leonard’s for donuts and coffee, and then I’ll be right back. You won’t even miss me.”

I already missed them, though. And I was already worried about them. They should have just gone home or stayed at the office. They knew better. But they were also reckless, and they didn’t like to listen to me. It was fun for them to push my buttons, but this simply wasn’t the time.

“Leonard’s and right back. I’m serious.”

“You promised to not worry so much about me,” they sing-songed.

I couldn’t help it. They sprang the “I love you” on me just the other night, and it awoke something in me that I hadn’t felt since Haley. Actually… to tell the truth, it didn’t even feel this way with Haley. All my life, I thought I was going to spend it with Haley; but she got tired of waiting around for me, and I couldn’t blame her. Then Y/N came along, and something changed. I didn’t have to pretend or settle for them. This job was just as important to them as it was for me. Making it work rather than putting unfair pressures on each other made me feel comfortable and loved. And now they were telling me to not worry about them as if I hadn’t said “I love you” back to them the other night and in Jamaica yesterday. I loved them with every inch of me and I worried about them every second of every day. I earned that right when I saw them playing with Jack and getting along so well with him. I earned that right when we said “I love you” to each other. I earned that right when they became my partner. I knew our rules, I knew our dynamic… But none of my feelings just washed away whenever I would get to work, contrary to popular belief.

“I'm not worried,” I lied. “I love you.”

I could practically hear them smiling through the phone. “I love you, too.”

We hung up our call and I sighed. They would be fine. Leonard’s was just a few blocks away— not even a ten minute drive. They would be around people, in the public eye. No one would be able to take them if they were being careful. And then they would be back before I could even say their name.

I stood and exited my office to check on the rest of the unit who was just now appearing for work. They all seemed busy, yet entirely ignorant of what was really going on. They only knew what everyone else had seen on the news, and that was all they needed to know. Everything was going to be fine. Like Y/N said, I had nothing to worry about.

And then I spotted Anderson at the copy machine.

My brows furrowed as I hurried down the ramp outside of my office and called his name. He looked up from the machine and fixed his posture to stand at attention like a soldier would for his commanding officer. I asked him where Elle was, and he only responded with a confused look. I asked him why he was back already, and he still looked confused.

“You told me to take her home, sir.”

“I understand that, but taking her home is not the same thing dropping her off. We have an Unsub who’s stalking our unit. He knows all of our personal information, including our addresses. You can’t just leave her there. Get back there now.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but I glared and he silently retreated out of the building. I picked up the nearest phone, which happened to be on Y/N’s desk, and tried calling Elle’s cellphone. When she didn’t pick up, I figured that she must have let it die or left it in her purse when she fell asleep. So I tried calling her house number. Still, nothing. Shit. I kept trying to reach her. I wasn’t about to give up. Soon, she would finally get annoyed by the constant ringing and would get her ass out of bed long enough to pick up the phone and let me know that she was alright. Either that or Anderson would get there on time and he’d call to let me know that she was safe. But until then, I wasn’t going to stop calling.

“Agent Hotchner,” one of the secretaries approached me. I raised a brow at her while still dialing Elle’s number. “The delivery man from the news last night is on his way up. He just turned himself in.”

Shit. I put the phone down. “Thanks for letting me know. Do me a favor, keep calling Agent Greenaway for me until she picks up her phone.”

“Which Greenaway, sir?”

“Elle.”

“Right away.”

We separated in opposite directions. She returned to her desk, while I headed up to Gideon’s office to let him know about the delivery man. Reid was in his office with him, which saved me some time from running around to tell everyone on the team. Gideon was up on his feet the moment I mentioned a delivery man, he didn’t even need to hear the rest because he already knew. That was why he had JJ hold the press conference. It wasn’t to snuff out the Unsub, but our only living witness thus far.

I was the first one into the interrogation room where the witness was waiting. He matched the description that Jessica gave the sketch artist perfectly. As we entered the room, his terror filled eyes looked up at me. People only looked like that when they had something to hide, but I didn’t think that a guy like this could be our Unsub. He was too shaky and shy for that— Not to mention that our Unsub wouldn’t’ve turned himself in when we still had some kind of quest to complete.

I decided to be up front with him. No dancing around it. We needed answers and we needed them fast. “You delivered a packing to my ex-wife’s house yesterday, and it was addressed to my son—”

“Do I need a lawyer?” he questioned.

I continued, trying to move past the idea of calling a lawyer because that would only slow us down. “It was late in the day. You told the woman you gave the folder to that it was imperative that it get to me because a girl’s life depended on it. Ring any bells yet?”

“I— I guess I could check my logs, yeah,” he stuttered.

“No, you already know which one I’m talking about.”

“Listen, all I know is that a guy came up to me, asked me if I could drop off this package a mile down the road, and that a girl’s life depended on it. I was headed that way, anyhow, I figured what could be the harm?”

“And you didn’t find it at all suspicious that this guy mentioned that a girl’s life was at stake?”

The witness shifted in his seat uncomfortably, a telling sign that he was about to lie. “No, I didn’t think anything of it. I heard that a girl was in trouble, so I knew that I just had to help. Does that make me a bad guy?”

I chuckled, “So you’re a humanitarian, then?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

“How much did he pay you?” Gideon asked.

The witness looked at him and shifted again. “I… I don’t know what you mean…” He looked back at me, but I didn’t budge for him. He swallowed hard. “A thousand dollars in cash. Gave it to me when he gave me the folder.”

“What did he look like?”

“I don’t know. He had a big coat on and a big hat covering his face. All that I could actually see was his neck and his hands, and they were all fucked up. It looked like he had been burned everywhere.”

I looked over at Gideon. That was everything we were going to get out of this guy, and it was really all we needed. We silently left the interrogation room, but we didn’t release the witness yet in case we decided that we would have more questions for him later.

“Burn scars would explain why he seemed uncomfortable in the video,” I told Gideon.

“It’s also how we’ll find him.”

Reid smiled ear to ear after I complimented his good work— rightfully so, too. Together, him and Garcia had cracked a huge problem in the case. While we had earlier hit a wall with the numbers on the letter Jessica gave us, they had figured it all out finally.

Garcia opened her mouth like she was about to say something, likely to apologize again for her mistake. She knew that she had fucked up, and she knew that Gideon was the most upset about all of it. But as she was about to begin, a secretary joined us in the hallway to deliver a message.

“Agent Gideon, there’s a call for you on line 2.”

Garcia closed her mouth and let her shoulders fall as she hugged her files over her chest in order to put her guard up again. What little bravery she had mustered only seconds ago immediately disappeared and she was back to being silent and self-loathing again. Gideon sighed at the interruption, however, and asked who was calling and if it was really all that important. When the secretary responded that it was urgent and that the man calling had named himself “The Fisher King”, we all knew that something was wrong.

We all rushed to the door that led to the BAU wing. Gideon and I were the first to the phone; Reid, Garcia, and the secretary chased after. Gideon unmuted the call, put it on speaker, and introduced himself.

“I didn’t have any other choice,” the Fisher King said. It was the same voice which called me the other night when I was with Y/N. This was our Unsub. “It was distasteful and barbaric. But it had to be done. You forced my hand, Agent Gideon. I told you that there were rules, and you blatantly ignored me. So I had to make sure that you would never break the rules again. Agent Greenaway didn’t have to die like that, Agent Gideon, just remember that. If you would have listened, I wouldn’t have done it. Not like that. Remember the rules or there will be more consequences.” And then the call ended.

I looked up at Jason, my heart racing in my chest. Both Elle and Y/N were out. Anderson had just gone back to Elle’s place, which meant… No. I immediately reached for my phone and took a step away from the group as I began to dial their number. Straight to voicemail. I cursed under my breath as I dialed again.

Behind me, Gideon was instructing Reid to reach out to every nearby hospital in search of a patient with the last name Greenaway. The whole office was set in motion as everyone went to do their assigned jobs for when an agent was to go missing. Garcia hurried to her office to check the computers and Gideon went to grab his things— including his car keys. By the time he returned, I had called Y/N three times, and every time it went directly to their inbox. Either they were being an asshole and not picking up, or something truly did happen to them. I prayed that they were just being an asshole again.

“Hotch!” Reid called from the balcony. I looked over. “It’s Elle! She’s at Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center!” He retreated back into the boardroom to sort things out while Gideon threw his keys at me as we both turned to the exit.

I immediately turned on the lights and the sirens after we pulled out of Quantico. I was speeding down the roads, trying to avoid all of the cars who weren’t moving to the side for us, while also trying to call Y/N to let them know what had happened. They still weren’t picking up, and I remembered that they told me not to worry, but I didn’t end up worrying about Elle, and look at what happened. So I just kept dialing while Jason watched me out of the corner of his eye.

Please just be an asshole and not dead. That was all I wanted from them. I wanted the excuses, I wanted the fighting back, I wanted the sass and bratiness that all came with dating them. I wanted to know that I would get to see them again, to just hold them in my arms and tell them that I love them again. If I could have, I would have never stopped saying it because I wasn’t about to let them get away like I had with Haley. They weren’t going to win that easily. But they just had to pick up the fucking phone first.

I slammed my hand against the steering wheel. “Fuck,” I cursed under my breath.

“I’m not going to say it…” Gideon said, looking out the window to avoid my glare.

“Good. Then don’t.”

I knew what he was going to say. He didn’t like the idea of me and Y/N dating. He didn’t like the idea of anyone dating on the team because he knew what potential distractions it could create. But I didn’t care what he thought. At least not then when I just needed to focus on literally anything positive. So I tried to focus on how happy it made me to see Y/N with Jack. They were so good with him, and he took to them immediately. I had never seen him connect with anyone like that before. It was such a relief to me that they liked each other.

And then my phone started ringing.

I briskly flipped it open and brought it to my ear.

READER’S POV

I was busy juggling a box of donuts and a cardboard cup holder carrying four coffees when my phone started ringing again. Morgan had called me just before I started ordering inside at Leonard’s to tell me that JJ wanted a cup of cold brew, and that Hotch and Gideon turned down coffee, but Gideon would love a donut. So I ordered a dozen donuts— just to make sure there were plenty extra— and four coffees. Yes, four. I heard Morgan tell me that Hotch didn’t want anything, but I knew him better than that, and I knew that he would want it later, so I got him one anyways. I figured that even if he didn’t end up drinking it, someone else would. Maybe Elle would take it when Anderson would bring her back to the office.

My phone rang again on the way to the car, but I still couldn’t reach it with both of my hands full, so I just tried to hurry up to the car. It rang a third time and I groaned. It was probably just Aaron again, all worried that I wasn’t back yet. It wasn’t my fault that I got caught in the morning traffic outside of Quantico, and I didn’t realize that Leonard’s had some kind of deal on Sunday mornings which always drew in a huge ass crowd. It wasn’t like I made my trips to Leonard’s a common occurrence. I hardly ever went there, so I sure as hell didn’t know about any discount deal that somehow brought in half of Virginia.

The damn phone rang again and I cursed Hotch for making me practically run to the car. He was too worried about me since the other night. Granted, I basically had a breakdown yesterday when I saw my jewelry box, but we had our rules for a reason. I just needed him to calm down and wait until I could call him back. He had already called me three times while I was ordering, which I couldn’t answer any of those calls since I was already busy. Now he had called me at least four times on the way to the car, which meant that he wasn’t even waiting for it to go to voicemail every time.

I put the cupholder on the roof of the car so that I could have a free hand to open the car door. I reached into the car and set the box of donuts on the passenger’s seat, then went back to grab the coffees. They wobbled in my hands as one of the cups managed to slide out of the grip a little too far. I managed to catch it on time, thankfully, before it could spill all over me, and let out a sigh of relief before making sure the cup was put back all the way.

I slid into the car, closed the door, and put the coffees next to the donuts on the seat. When that was settled and I was fairly sure that nothing was going to fall over or spill everywhere, I reached for my phone to see what the hell was going on. Aaron had called me seven times. Seven. Either he was dying or they caught the guy and I could go home. Either way, I was going to kill him.

I dialed his number and called him back. It rang twice before he picked up. “I’m on my way, Hotch. Did you guys find something?”

“Why the fuck weren’t you answering your phone?”

“My hands were full. I couldn’t reach my phone. What’s going on?”

“The Unsub shot Elle.”

I stopped worrying about turning the car on and getting out of the parking lot in a rush but also satefly as he said it. I froze for a moment, just staring at the building in front of me. I tried to wrap my brain around what he said, and almost went to deny it, but I knew that he wouldn’t lie to me like that. So why had he said it? Maybe this was Gideon’s next ploy to try to weed out the Unsub, but they had to make it real, so they had to make me believe it. That had to be it. Elle was fine.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?” I hummed into the phone.

“She’s alive,” he clarified. My gaze fell from the building and to the car’s emblem in the middle of the steering wheel. I was slowly starting to come back to reality. “She’s at Sentara North. Gideon and I are headed there now. I can have Reid pick you up.”

“No,” I insisted, my eyes falling shut. “I’ll… I’ll meet you there.”

“Y/N—”

“I’ll be fine.”

I hung up before he could say anything. He didn’t want me driving. I understood. But what else were we going to do? I put the car in reverse and started backing out of the parking spot I was in. I was just trying to come to terms with how the hell this could have happened. Aaron sent Elle home with Anderson. She should have just been resting in her bed while he kept watch. So how the fuck did the Unsub manage to break into my sister’s home and shoot her? Where was Anderson?

I thought about how Hotch wanted me to go home, even if it was with Elle or Morgan. He just wanted me to get some rest since I hadn’t slept in nearly forty hours. But I turned him down selfishly because I wanted to focus on the case. I knew that there was an Unsub out there who had it out for my sister, and I chose to stay at the office with Hotch. If I would’ve just listened, I could have been with Elle, and maybe I could have stopped the Unsub. Maybe she wouldn’t be in the hospital at all.

Sentara Northern Virginia Medical Center was only a twelve minute drive from Leonard’s, I made it in nine. One of the Bureau’s vehicles was parked directly out front, and I knew that it had to be Hotch and Gideon, so I parked Hotch’s car next to it and hurried out the second I turned the ignition off. I left my purse, the donuts, and the coffees all in the car as I just hauled ass inside and ran up to the front desk.

The nurse at the front desk was taken aback by my panic and the way I was flashing my badge in her face, demanding for the floor number that Elle was on. After likely having just dealt with Hotch and Gideon perhaps a few minutes prior, the nurse already knew the floor to give me, and I was running again to the elevators where I kept pressing the up button like it would somehow make it arrive faster.

My foot tapped against the bottom of the elevator anxiously as I counted the floors I passed and the seconds it was taking to get there. For all I knew, Elle could have already been dead. Every second spent trapped in that elevator was one less second that I would get to be by my sister’s side when she needed me most. And I absolutely hated it. I hated not being able to make the elevator go faster. I hated that I didn’t pick up Hotch’s calls sooner. I hated that I didn’t just go home with Elle, instead I chose to get coffee and donuts like an idiot. Gosh, I was so fucking stupid.

The elevator dinged before the doors began to slowly slide open. The second the gap was wide enough, I squeezed past and ran into the bright white hallway. Ahead of me was a glass wall that divided the waiting room from the hallway I was standing in. Behind the glass, I could see Hotch sitting across from Gideon, who was working on a crossword puzzle in today’s newspaper. Hotch looked up from his hands like he could sense that I had just arrived. When our eyes met, he pushed himself to his feet and hurried to meet me halfway. I ran up to him and jumped into his open arms. My arms wrapped themselves around his neck and I cried in his shoulder. He tried to soothe me by rubbing small circles on my back with one hand, and whispering that it would be okay in my ear.

“She’s alright,” he told me. “She’s in surgery still, but she’s going to be alright.”

“I should’ve gone with her.”

“You didn’t know.”

“I should’ve been there. It should’ve been me.”

“No,” he shook his head. “No.”

“How did this happen, Aaron?”

I felt like I was going to be sick again. The whole car ride over, I was convinced that it was some kind of sick joke. I didn’t want it to be real, so I tried to pretend that it wasn’t. But standing in that hallway, wrapped in Hotch’s arms as I sobbed and he tried to calm me down, I knew that it was real. I could feel it. My sister had been shot. The Unsub promised that the other one was being taken care of, and we thought that it was over when we got Elle out of jail in Jamaica. But the Unsub was only just getting started. He saved his big moment for when we least expected it. When we were all exhausted, hungry, separated, and our anxieties had actually calmed down. It was the calm before the storm, and none of us saw it coming.

Hotch was trying to find the best way to explain without hurting me. He was treating me like a victim of a case rather than his partner, because that was all he knew how to do. With Haley, he thought that he knew what he was doing, but she shattered his idea of love, comfort, and romance when she left him suddenly. Now, he didn’t know anything about how to comfort me in the way I needed most. And it made me sad. I was trying so hard to help him. We had gotten so far together since he first asked me out, but this was the one thing that we hadn’t prepared for. This was the one thing we never wanted to be ready for because we didn’t want to imagine that it could happen. So now he wasn’t prepared and it broke my heart.

He did what he understood, though, and that was explaining it to me like a stranger in a case who just lost a loved one. “He went in through the back door, caught her by surprise, and shot her.”

“Where?” I begged him for more details. As both an agent and her sister, I needed to know more than just that.

“The living room. He went through the kitchen and into the living room, and shot her point blank in the shoulder.”

I squeezed his neck tighter and he pulled me closer. “Why didn’t we know sooner?”

“The Unsub took her badge and gun.”

I pulled from Hotch and he let me, but his touch didn’t leave me. His left hand trailed up my side and up my neck before he cupped my cheek. He wiped away one of my tears with his thumb.

“The crime scene— I’ve got to go look at it,” I said desperately, trying to make a move for the elevator.

Hotch made sure to hold me still as gently but as assertive as he could. “No,” he insisted. “You don’t need to see it. Trust me. Anderson’s there and he’s sending me photos. You don’t want to know, Y/N.”

“I can find this asshole. I can do it if you just let me.”

“You need to be here for when Elle gets out of surgery and wakes up. She’s going to need you.”

I wiped another tear that was falling down my cheek. “That’ll be hours from now. I have to go—”

“I’m not letting you go anywhere,” he whispered with more harshness to his tone. “He called us after he did it…” Hotch pressed his forehead to mine. “He said that ‘Agent Greenaway didn’t have to die like that’ and I thought that he meant you.” His eyes fell shut as he tried to stop himself from crying. “I thought it was you and I nearly died.” He kissed me tenderly yet eagerly, just wanting to know that I was still there with him and that he could still kiss me. He didn’t want to think about losing me and the opportunity to love me. “So you’re not going anywhere until we find this guy.”

My fingers found the back of his neck and slid under the ends of his short hair. I grabbed slightly, not enough to hurt, but just to be affectionate. “Okay,” I gave in. He didn’t want me to leave, and I wasn’t going to fight him on this one thing. It made sense and I didn’t need to get under his skin when there was already so much happening. “I’ll stay.”

He let out a sigh of relief, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It felt good to say it again to his face. It was the first time since the other night at his house. Just the difference between saying it against his lips compared to saying it into a phone made my heart flutter in my chest. Every time he said it, every time his face was so close to mine that I could feel his breath, and every time he looked at me like he loved me more than anything in the world, my day brightened just a little more.

Hotch escorted me to the waiting room where Gideon was pretending to still be focused on his newspaper, when, in reality, he had likely been watching Hotch and I in the hallway to get a feel for how serious our relationship was. I wondered what he thought about us. Gideon was always a softie deep down, and he was just another hopeless romantic like the rest of us; but he also held his own bias against coworkers dating, which made him view us differently. But I wondered that if after seeing us in the hallway and how we needed each other, he decided that maybe it was alright after all. Maybe he wouldn’t try to convince Hotch that it was a bad idea.

I sat down in one of the seats across from Gideon and Hotch let go of my hand. He wiped his face with both of his palms as he tried to recollect himself before turning back to Gideon. “Any luck reaching Morgan and JJ?”

Gideon shook his head, writing in another word on the crossword table. “They’re still out of cell range.”

“Keep trying.” He turned back to me, “Did you leave the drinks and food in the car?” I nodded. “Okay, I’ll go get them. You need something to eat.”

I whispered a thank you and slumped against the seat I was in. I watched him leave and step into the elevator. As the elevator doors began to close, he sent me a short, small smile. My head fell back gently against the back support of the seat I was in and I let out a heavy sigh. All I wanted was to be with Elle at her house, her asleep with me watching over her to make sure that she was alright. Maybe I just needed food and sleep like Aaron kept telling me. This whole time, while I had been fighting against him to make sure that I was constantly keeping up to date with the case, I had forgotten that I needed to take care of my body in order to keep pushing. And without having eaten anything in hours and I hadn’t slept in almost forty hours, I felt so weak. Even if Elle woke up or they found the Unsub, I felt like I would be of no use in the state I was in. It made me feel utterly powerless.

Gideon was still paying no attention to me— or at least pretending as such. He was purposefully doing it. No one could actually focus on a crossword puzzle like he was when one of the teammates was up in surgery and it was his fault. Yeah, I said it. This was all his fault. The Unsub gave specific instructions that we weren’t allowed to go to the media or any outside resources. He knew that there were rules, and he broke them, and I was sure that it had to do with Elle getting shot. Not only did the Unsub want Elle out of the way for some fucked up reason, but he wanted to make sure that we understood that there were consequences to breaking his rules. So he won by getting rid of Elle and proving a point to us. Two birds, one stone.

Gideon should have been more careful. He should have listened to Hotch about not holding the press conference. And that was likely why he wasn’t looking at me. He knew that I would be upset with him for letting this happen to my sister. He also knew that I wasn’t going to blame Hotch, even though he was the one who sent Elle home. He knew that I couldn’t do that, but I’d be looking to point fingers, and it all pointed to him. He was ashamed, and as much as I hated to think it, I was glad that he felt that way. I wanted him to regret his decisions. Because if he had just stopped to consider instead of going on a personal witch hunt, then Elle wouldn’t have been lying on a surgical table with doctors trying to pull a bullet out of her chest.

When Hotch came back with the donuts and coffee, I pushed myself to sit back up again. He took the seat next to me and handed me one of the coffees, another to Gideon, and one for himself. I knew that he would want it. I tried not to smile behind my cup. It didn’t feel like the time to smile about such a silly thing, but I couldn’t believe that I had him pegged like that. It felt good knowing him that well.

“I called JJ and Morgan, told them about Elle, but they're still heading out there,” Hotch explained to Gideon as he handed him a donut.

I raised a brow after accepting my own donut from Hotch. “Where are they?”

“They’re checking up on a lead about the victim and her family. They’re going North to talk to her family.” He relaxed in his seat beside me, “Anderson called as I was about to get in the elevator. He told me that they found a partial print at the crime scene.”

That was the best news we had all day. While we had been falling short of any real leads since finding the jewelry box yesterday, the Unsub leaving a partial print in Elle’s house meant that we were one step closer to catching him. One step closer to me looking at my sister’s attacker in the eyes as I got to read him his Miranda Rights and put him away for a very long time. That was a reason to smile.

“How did they get the partial?” I asked.

Hotch looked at me with soft eyes that spoke volumes. I didn’t want to know, according to him. But him not telling me only confirmed any suspicions I might have had about the crime scene. I saw what happened in Jamaica, I saw what happened with Frank Giles. Our Unsub liked to write messages in blood. “SAVE HER”, “IT’S BEEN HANDLED”, and “HERE THY QUEST DOTH TRULY BEGIN” were all apart of his M.O. He wouldn't have left Elle without completing his ritual.

So I wanted to know the truth. “What did it say?”

Hotch scratched his stubble and shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He knew that I wouldn’t stop pressing for answers, especially when it came to Elle. His choices were to either tell me or find a way to travel back in time and stop himself from ever saying anything else about the crime seeing. Seeing as the second option was neither logical nor possible, he had to give me something. He knew that I had seen all of the other crime scenes first hand, and if he reused to tell me, I would just walk right out of the hospital and drive over there to see it for myself. It didn’t matter what promises I made to him. If I didn’t get answers, I wasn’t going to stick around long enough for him to start an argument about it.

“It said ‘RULES’... In Elle’s blood.”

“I’m going to kill him, Hotch. I swear, I’m going to kill him, even if it kills me.”

I was right about the Unsub and his reason for attacking Elle. Gideon broke the rules and the team had to pay.

“We still don’t have enough for a profile yet, though,” Gideon said quietly. “At least not a good one.”

Hotch picked up my free hand with his and held it tight. Even with Gideon in the room, Hotch was going out of his way to make sure that he was with me, that I understood that he wasn’t going anywhere. We had our rules. We knew that we weren’t supposed to touch at work— especially not like this. But something had happened to Hotch while I was at Leonard’s. He said that the Unsub called them to tell them that he had killed Elle, but he used our last name, and Hotch’s first worry was me. The fact that he called me on my way out of the parking lot to give me crap about leaving on my own, then all of the calls at Leonard’s, and his persistent need for touch all told me that the Unsub had really gotten under his skin by using me. The call when we were together the other night was the first step, and it kept escalating from there. The Unsub wanted us to be together at all times, for some reason, and he found a way to ensure that it would happen. All it took was stalking us, sending something to Jack, and scaring the crap out of Hotch about losing me on a thousand separate occasions.

Hotch’s hand squeezed mine. “Once JJ and Morgan finish up with Rebecca’s family, we’ll hopefully have another lead. Until then, there’s not much we can do. I think we should all get some rest.”

Gideon shook his head and flipped the newspaper pages to a sudoku puzzle now. He was really trying not to face me, and I didn’t blame him. I was sending him the worst death glare I could throw at him for what he did. But Hotch was at least right about the sleep idea. I was done with my donut, and the warm coffee was starting to lull me to sleep, even though the caffeine should have knocked me back on my feet. I guessed that I just was so tired that even caffeine couldn’t save me. And there wasn’t anything to do with the case or about Elle in surgery. Hotch had the right idea, and sleep was the one thing I couldn’t argue with at that point.

I peeled my hand from Hotch’s so that I could push myself to lean forward and put the cup of coffee on the table in front of us.  When I reclined back in my seat, I shifted to the side so that I could rest my head against his shoulder. My eyelids were already heavy to the point that they fell shut without any effort. Sleep felt so natural, I didn’t have to fight to keep my eyes shut or quiet my thoughts.

Everything was oddly peaceful in that hospital waiting room. The lights were gold and dim in order to comfort those who would be waiting around, just like we were. All of the newspapers and magazines that Gideon had collected in front of him just reminded me home and how my dad would lay them out the same way. The air conditioning was right above my head, blowing cool air that helped my heart rate slow down and find peace. It was just so quiet as though the room itself were inviting me to sleep for once. I didn’t mind the feeling at all.

“The press conference was the right thing to do,” Gideon said quietly, assuming that I was already asleep and didn’t want to wake me up. Hotch’s hand fell to my knee and his thumb started to draw slow circles over the fabric of my pants. “I mean, it forced the Unsub to come out, forced him to make a mistake like leaving a partial print. If I hadn’t done what I did, who knows if we would have that information. I did the right thing. I know I did. I was just doing my job. Elle will understand that and Y/N will forgive me.”

“Jason…” Hotch whispered, trying not to move the shoulder I was resting on. “It’s no one’s fault but the Unsub.”

“I know.” He sounded so unsure about himself as he stood to leave. “I know.” He carefully put the newspaper back down on the table. “Let them sleep. I’ll be outside if you find anything out from Morgan or JJ.” He patted Hotch’s other shoulder gently on his way out.

When Gideon was gone, Hotch kissed the top of my head clemently, “I love you.”

I nuzzled against his shoulder and picked his hand up to intertwine our fingers again. “I love you, too,” I whispered. He kissed my head again and I let out one last breath of relief and tranquility before I managed to fall asleep.

Hotch gently shook me awake about an hour later. I woke up carefully, rubbing the side of my neck where it was sore from being crooked against his shoulder for so long. He massaged my shoulder in an attempt to help with my tight muscles, but also to help me wake up from my nap. I didn’t think that I would be out of it for so long, but if I were just being woken up by Hotch, it meant that something had only just happened. Whether it was about the case or Elle, I didn’t know until Hotch was sure that I was entirely awake again.

I reached out for my coffee on the table, which was now cold, but it was better than nothing. I chugged the rest of it before setting it back down. Hotch threw his arm over my shoulders as I leaned back.

“The team identified the Unsub,” he finally said.

“How?”

“I don’t know. Gideon’s sending me to oversee the arrest.”

I jumped out of my seat. “I’ll go with you.” I was already fixing my hair back out of my face and making sure that my gun was prepped in its holster on my hip. I knew what Hotch was going to say before he even said it, and I already knew what my response was going to be.

“No. Stay here and wait for Elle.” Like I said, he was being predictable.

With my response already prepared, I grabbed my purse from the floor. “I’m coming with you, Hotch. I want to be there when we get this guy. I want to see his face when he realizes that he lost.”

Hotch stared at me for a moment before nodding, “Okay.”

He wasn’t going to win this one. I had gotten some food, coffee, and sleep. I was now at the top of my game, perfect for arguing with him. And while he usually enjoyed playing along, we were on a time crunch. So he gave in and we headed for the elevator. As we waited, I asked what we knew since I fell asleep.

Hotch told me everything the team had told him. Our Unsub’s name was Randall Garner. We stepped into the elevator. He was Rebecca Bryant’s biological father who had been severely burned in the fire that burned their family home down and killed everyone but Rebecca and Randall. When she was sixteen, Rebecca had been kidnapped by her father after he was released from a mental institution. He had been keeping her for two years before finally contacting us. Hotch wasn’t sure why yet, but he was sure that Spencer would have answers for when we would get to the office.

And answers he did have. From the moment we stepped into the office, everyone started bombarding me with questions about Elle, while Reid was trying to catch Hotch up with everything he had learned about the Unsub and the profile he had created single handedly while everyone was gone. Morgan and JJ were following me around with endless questions, even though I really didn’t know much more than them about Elle’s condition or the crime scene since Hotch refused to take me or tell me much of anything about it. I apologized for not having answers, and they seemed upset that they were just as helpless as I was. 

“He thinks that we’re modern-day Knights of the Round Table,” Reid explained to us as the group of us walked into the boardroom. There was a woman sitting in the corner, biting her nails, but I was the only one who seemed to take notice. “He thinks that he’s in a fantasy world where Rebecca is a grail that we need to rescue in order to save the day.”

“Do we know where he is?” Hotch asked, refusing to take a seat at the table.

Reid, Morgan, and JJ all looked through the files they had pulled and the notes they had taken, but there was nothing. His last known address was his home before it burned down in the fire— then, technically, the mental hospital. That was it, though. When he was released, he went off the grid. No one had any clue as to where he was.

“I have something,” the woman in the corner spoke up.

Reid leapt from his chair and hurried over to her, “No, mom, it’s okay—”

He came to a sudden halt when his mom pulled a photo from her purse and handed it to him. Spencer examined both sides before turning to all of us with wide eyes that told us that he suddenly understood so clearly. He handed it off to me and I took a look at it myself. One side was an address and the other was a picture of a large house in the middle of the woods.

Reid’s mom had this the entire time and she never said anything. The Unsub gave her another clue— the last clue— because he knew that Reid would send for her. To make sure that she was safe. He knew Spencer and the rest of us like he was us and could guess what we would do before we could even think of it for ourselves. He was ten steps ahead of at all times when he never should have even been a single step ahead of us in the first place.

I handed the photo over to Morgan. “Shiloh, Virginia?” he read the address. “That’s only ten miles from here.”

“Gear up quickly,” Hotch ordered, already heading for his office.

We all jumped to our feet and headed for our desks. Hotch was up in his office, calling the SWAT team for back up and giving them the address of where to meet us. Morgan tossed me another flashlight after I tested mine to find that it had died after Reid used it yesterday to find the jewelry box clue.

The five of us— me, Hotch. Morgan, JJ, Reid— all hurried to one of the FBI company black SUV vehicles and stuffed ourselves inside. Hotch turned on the lights and sirens before we even made it out of the parking lot and started hauling ass down the streets towards Shiloh. None of us said anything. We were all just focused on getting there and finally taking this guy down. We wanted answers and we wanted him to pay for all of the suffering he caused. It was high time he met his modern-day Knights of the Round table, just like he wanted.

The SWAT team Hotch had called in was already parked in front of the house when we arrived. They were all huddled around the trunks of their cars as they put on their gear and loaded their weapons. While we drove up the path with all of the lights off, they looked over to make sure that we were a friendly vehicle and not the suspect or otherwise.

Gravel crunched under my shoes as I jumped out of the car and walked around to the back where Hotch had popped the trunk for us to grab our bullet proof vests. I threw mine over my head and worked in silence as I connected all of the straps. Everyone was silent. The only sounds that echoed were from everyone’s boots compressing the gravel under us. If the Unsub were near a window or door, he likely would have heard us, even though we were all trying to be quiet.

When everyone was ready, Hotch traveled to the front of the group to lead us in. He gave a silent signal, and the SWAT team split into three small groups. One headed to the left, another to the right, and the one Hotch and I went with went straight for the front door. Our team split up, too. JJ and Morgan went to the left, Hotch and I down the middle, and Reid to the right.

We were still quiet as we ran up to the door and Hotch messed with the doorknob to see if it was unlocked. When the door opened easily, he gave us a silent signal to be careful because the Unsub was likely expecting us. This was his game, afterall. He had to know where the players were at all times.

Hotch and I went together towards the dining room while the SWAT members of our group branched off to check the kitchen. With our guns raised, Hotch and I ran into the room. We checked every corner, hiding spaces behind doors, cabinets, etc. but there was nothing. Rebecca had to be somewhere in the house, we were sure of that much, the only question was where?

I dragged a finger over the dining room table before bringing it up to my eyes. The table was caked in dust, just like everything else in the dining room. Around the table were six chairs, each covered by white sheets. From the other end of the table, Hotch whistled quietly to catch my attention. He was holding Elle’s badge and gun. So we did have the right guy’s house. That was some consolation.

“It’s Morgan. We’re clear on this side,” he said over the comms.

“Kitchen’s clear.”

“Living room clear.”

“Nothing in the parlor.”

“Dining room’s empty,” I said.

“I’ve got movement upstairs,” Reid said.

Hotch and I gave each other a nod before traveling together towards the staircase. Reid was halfway up, his gun and flashlight pointing at the hallway that diverted to the right of the stairs. He gestured with his flashlight that he saw someone heading that direction, and we followed him up.

The SWAT team ran past us, taking the lead in order to clear the upstairs rooms while we followed Spencer’s hunch. Reid, Morgan, and Hotch were in front of me, JJ behind me. She tapped my shoulder when we reached the top floor and she pointed towards the left, letting me know that she was going to look for Rebecca on the left side of the house with the SWAT team. I nodded an acknowledgement and continued to the right.

Reid jumped across the entrance to another hallway that turned to the left. He hid on the wall opposite Morgan, Hotch, and I. Morgan took point on that wall closest to the new hallway, meanwhile Hotch and I backed up for support. Down the new hallway that we had discovered, there was a room all the way at the end. The door was half open, and I saw a man pass by it. My blood ran cold as I gestured to Hotch that I saw Randall Garner.

“Cover me,” Morgan whispered to us.

“No, no, no,” Spencer insisted. Morgan stepped back from the corner. “Give me a second.” He raised his voice, “Mr. Garner? My name is Dr. Spencer Reid. I’m with the FBI. You were in the hospital with my mother. I think she may have confused you about who we are and what we do. All we want to do is help Rebecca— which is what you want to do, too, right? That’s why you sent us the puzzles and the clues. That’s why you wanted to see us.”

“Did you bring her?” Garner asked from his room down the hall. The sound of leather creaking echoed in the hallway just after I saw him taking a seat at a desk inside.

“Bring who? Rebecca? We don’t have her. You do.”

“No. No. The one Arthur loves. Guinevere.”

Hotch, Morgan, and I all exchanged confused glances. Arthur and Guinevere? We knew that he saw us as the Knights of the Round Table, but we didn’t know that he had assigned us to the specific character.

“We didn’t bring any Guinevere,” Reid played along.

Randall Garner huffed angrily from his office. “I was very specific that Agent Hotchner and Agent Greenaway were to be together the entire time. Did you not learn your lesson about obeying the rules?”

I suddenly realized that Aaron was Arthur and I was Guinevere. That was why he wanted us together. He saw our relationship and wanted us to recreate how he imagined the characters behaving in his delusion. We were only confused at first because he said “she” and that wasn’t what any of us were used to. The only “she” we brought with us was JJ, and she was off searching the other side of the house. 

“We brought Agent Hotchner and Agent Greenaway, yes.”

“Ask the question, dear Guinevere.”

I looked across to Reid for an answer because I didn’t know of any question. Was it in one of the clues that Spencer solved? It had to be. “He believes that if you ask the right question, then it will magically heal his wounds. That’s why he wanted us. He thinks that we have magic.”

“Do you know the question?” Hotch whispered.

Reid shook his head, “But I know what he wants. Fall back.” He held his gun out to me, which I reluctantly took. “It’ll be fine…” he told us before walking into the hallway with his hands raised. “Stay calm, Mr. Garner.”

“Ask the question, Ser Percival, if Guinevere is incapacitated.”

“I told you, I’m not Percival and Y/N isn’t Guinevere. My name’s Spencer and we work for the FBI. You know my mother, Diana, from the hospital. Do you remember?” He kept walking down the hallway, closer and closer to the room Randall was in. “I think she might have made you think that your daughter is a grail and that we’re knights sent to rescue her.”

“No. Your mother was very specific—”

“My mother is a paranoid schizophrenic who would forget to eat if she wasn’t reminded. She doesn’t know real from fiction, just like you, Mr. Garner. We’re not characters in a story. We’re real people who have come to help you and your daughter.” Reid finally reached the door and carefully pushed it open. I tried to crouch down low to get an angle on Garner, but Reid was entirely in the way. I couldn’t see anything. “Don’t you want to help your daughter?”

“My daughter doesn’t really exist. She never did.” Leather creaked again and I could tell that Randall had spun around in his chair, but I still couldn’t see him. “Ask the question!” he demanded with more force.

“Hey, guys…” Spencer called back to us calmly. “Maybe you guys should go wait downstairs.”

“What?” I hissed.

“We’re not going anywhere,” Morgan responded to Spencer.

“Ask the question! Heal me!” Mr. Garner shouted.

I couldn’t hear anything else that was being said. They were too far into the room and their voices had lowered so that their conversation was just theirs. I didn’t know if Reid was getting anywhere with Randall, and I didn’t know if we were going to get the location of Rebecca. Now that we had the bastard, all we needed now was to find his daughter.

Reid started running back down the hall, headed straight for us, yelling, “Run!”

Next thing we knew, the office Mr. Garner was in exploded, shaking the entire house. Reid dove to get further from the blast, and Hotch turned and covered my head with his arm. After the explosion, Hotch and I stood up straight again and made sure that the other was alright before looking over to Morgan and Reid. Morgan was putting out a fire that caught on Spencer’s legs while also helping him up to his feet.

The fire from the explosion started to spread along the hallway, making its way straight for us. We didn’t have much time before the whole house would burn down. I made a dash for the side of the house, calling for the SWAT team and JJ to hurry back downstairs, warning them of the fire that was spreading. Hotch and Morgan were pulling Reid along with them towards the stairs.

“What the hell was that?” Hotch asked.

“He had a bomb,” Reid responded, coughing the smoke out of his lungs. I went in front of them and started racing down the steps. “Wait— Stop, stop, stop, stop… Rebecca—”

“Reid, there’s no time for a search.”

Spencer shushed Hotch and pushed his hair out of his face so that he could think more clearly. “Randall was the fisher king, and this is his castle… Rebecca has to be here…” He snapped his fingers when a lightbulb went off in his mind. “The basement! She’s in the basement!”

Everyone started running downstairs, chasing after Spencer who decided to take the lead again. The boys ran into the basement while JJ and I made sure all of the SWAT team got out safely. We weren’t about to leave a man behind after all of this. Once they were all out, JJ and I stood on the grass in front of the house to watch as it burned. I was staring at the front door intently, praying that they would het Rebecca and come out soon, because if they were going to waste another minute inside, I was going to go back in to find them.

Just as I thought it, though, Reid and Morgan came stumbling out, but not Hotch. I ran back up to the front of the house and caught Morgan. “Where’s Hotch?” I questioned. He was coughing too hard to answer. All he could do was point into the house. “Hotch!” I called, continuing up to the door. “Hotch!”

When I was about to take a brave step into the house, Hotch came stumbling out with Rebecca in his arms. I moved out of the way and followed him back into the grass where he gently put her down. I grabbed his shoulders and turned him to face me.

“You okay?” I asked worriedly.

He nodded. “You?”

I nodded with a sigh of relief.

“Hey, lovebirds!” Morgan called. “Fire department's on their way! We should get Rebecca to the hospital!”

He was right. Randall was gone and Rebecca needed to get treatment. She had been trapped in that basement for two years— who knew what he did to her, even if she was just his daughter. The fact that his delusion was so strong that he couldn’t even recognize that they were family meant that he could have done horrible things to her. Things that I didn’t want to consider. So the best thing to do was make sure that some doctors could check on her.

JJ, Morgan, and Reid took Rebecca in the car we arrived in. Hotch decided that he was going to stay to make sure the fire would be contained and that the SWAT team would clear the area safely. In the car, however, there was no room for me when they had laid Rebecca down next to JJ in the backseat to make sure that she was comfortable. My only option was to stay with Hotch and wait to get a ride back into town.

When the fire department showed up, they drove onto the grass and tried to maintain the fire spread, attempting to keep it away from the woods surrounding us. As Hotch and I watched, my phone started ringing. I turned around, took a few steps out of the way, and answered the call.

“Y/N?” It was Gideon’s number, but it was Elle’s voice. She had woken up after surgery. She was okay. “Are you there?”

I didn’t realize how silent I had been while just thinking about the weight that lifted off of my chest when I finally got to hear her voice again. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m here, Elle.”

“Did you catch the son of a bitch who did this to me?”

I glanced over my shoulder to look at the burning house. “He’s gone.” I bit at my nails and kicked the gravel under my feet nervously. “Are you okay?”

“Never felt better,” she laughed shortly before wincing in pain. “When can you come visit me?”

“I’m on my way right now. I promise.” I snapped in Hotch’s direction to catch his attention before pointing to my phone and mouthing Elle’s name to him. He nodded, said goodbye to the chief of the fire department, and came over to me. “Hotch and I will be there in a few minutes, okay?” Elle hummed an agreement on the other end. “I love you, Elle.”

“Whatever you say, loser. Just get here as soon as you can,” and she hung up.

I rolled my eyes and bit back a smile. The SWAT team had room for us in one of their trucks and offered to drop us off at the hospital. It was a kind gesture, one they really didn’t have to give us, but they said that they didn’t mind since it was on the way back to their office. In the truck, everyone was just as silent as when we first arrived at the house. Even when they dropped us off at the hospital, they only wished us goodnight in quiet murmurs before we closed the back of the vehicle and they were off again. Hotch and I didn’t watch them drive off. We immediately hurried into the hospital and headed for the room that Elle had been assigned to.

When we got to Elle’s room, I saw Gideon sitting beside her, reading something about the case, and she was staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. As Hotch and I entered, however, Gideon stopped reading and Elle broke her trance to look over at us standing in the doorway. She smiled at me as best she could considering the facts. She had only just gotten out of surgery and she was in a lot of pain, and she would be for a long time. The physical and mental wounds of being shot at point blank range wasn’t anything that usually disappeared overnight, no matter how hard Elle would try to convince herself and us otherwise.

Gideon squeezed Elle’s hand gently before standing from his seat and taking his leave from the room, still refusing to look up at me. Once he was gone, I stepped further into the room and took a seat next to Elle’s hospital bed.

“He’s dead,” I told her. My vest was still on and my hair was still pulled back out of my face, which was a tell tale sign that we had just gotten back from a scene, but the fact that Hotch was covered in soot was another sign that something had happened. “We found the girl. She’s going to be okay.”

“That’s good,” Elle smiled.

Hotch was still standing in the doorway, watching Elle from a distance as she slightly struggled to breathe with the oxygen they were pumping into her nose. He gulped and looked at the floor. “I’m going to head out and make sure that the rest of the team is alright.” He glanced at Elle shortly, like he had only mustered enough courage to do so for a few seconds, “I’m glad that you’re here. I’m sorry for sending you home like that.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Hotch,” she insisted, shaking her head to encourage her point. 

Hotch nodded like he was trying to convince himself that she was telling the truth, but it wasn’t quite sticking with him yet. He switched his glance to me, “Are you going to stay here tonight?” I nodded. “Do you want me to bring you a change of clothes?”

“If you don’t mind.”

The left side of his mouth curled into a small, shy smile. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” He waited for Elle to look away for a brief moment so that he could steal a second to whisper that he loves me. I whispered it back to him and his smile brightened before he left.

Elle looked at me with a grin, “So… Hotch, huh?” I glared playfully at her, daring her to be careful. “I can’t believe I owe Morgan $20. Is it too late to break up with him?”

I smiled but scrunched my brows in curiosity. “$20?”

“I thought that you would end up going out with him. He didn’t think it was possible. Maybe he knew about you and Hotch this whole time and just wanted my $20.” I hit her good arm gently. “Ow!” she laughed.

“It’s a good thing we’re in a hospital, otherwise I would have killed you.” The joke didn’t quite land the way I thought it would. “Sorry,” I doublebacked.

Elle squeezed my hand. “I’m just glad that you’re here and that you’re happy. That’s all a sister could ask for.”

“I love you.”

She smiled behind the oxygen and the pain coursing through her veins. “I love you, too.”

[real-jaune-isms]

RWBY Volume 8 Finale Review/Remix: The Final Word

The finale is here, and oh sweet fucking hell we were not ready for all that it brought us. These are the notes the series is leaving us on for the next 6 months, and the majority of them are not good feelings to dwell on for half a year. Let’s try and dissect them a little bit and hope the pain is a little less painful, okay?

Before even addressing the episode content I want to talk about the disclaimer and the episode description. Mental health is incredibly important, and if you are having issues or highly stressful or dangerous thoughts, there is no shame in seeking professional help or confiding in your loved ones so they know what you’re dealing with. The content presented within this chapter can be highly upsetting to some people, and it addresses themes of suicide and death worse than we have seen thus far. If you or a loved one are having suicidal thoughts, Rooster Teeth provides a number you can call for helpful resources and people. The episode description also features a line lifted straight from this Volume’s intro song “sometimes it’s worth it all to risk the fall”. Wouldn’t you know it, that’s the part of the theme that plays when Team RWBY falls through the ice and into the ominous underwater clutches of Grimm arms. With Yang being the one who falls first and farthest. How symbolic. 

We start off strong and stressful, fading in on the still dissolving Monstra to see Salem is still reforming herself. She’s not done yet, but it looks like it’s getting close... Going to a different powerhouse with white hair, Winter is fighting hard against Ironwood but not really gaining any ground. He keeps blocking her attacks with his cannon, and worse still he keeps trying to explain why he’s right. He shouldn’t be blamed for any of this because he’s been sacrificing so much for the mission. Except, as she points out, he hasn’t. He’s sacrificed a lot of other people or made them sacrifice everything for him and on his orders. He hasn’t actually sacrificed anything himself, because his ego won’t allow it. He thinks he’s too important to actually give up his own life even if it means saving anyone else. Cuz that’s not what this is about. He says he’s doing what’s best for Remnant but it’s really what’s best for him and his image and his confidence, such as shutting down major commerce routes and destroying half of the Kingdom just because it was lower income neighborhoods full of commoners. But might makes right in this fight, and Ironwood is currently smacking Winter around with his might so it’s an uphill battle for justice.

Speaking of uphill battles, we go back through the portals to see the continuation of Maiden Bowl 2021 as Cinder keeps blasting Penny around before Weiss comes in on a Lancer summon to save her friend and fellow Atlesian. In a very brief shift from the action Jaune reminds Nora their top priority is evacuating the civilians, so that’s our clue that they probably won’t be jumping into the fight any time soon. Back on the Lancer, Penny tells Weiss that since Cinder wants the Maiden power she can act as bait and lure the Fall Maiden away so the others can safely get away. Weiss doesn’t like that idea, but before they can think of an alternative the summon is shot down and they land hard on the main crossroads of the paths before the gate into Vacuo. Neither of their Aura’s are broken, but they do need a moment to get back on their feet as Cinder lands between them and their escape. Penny is the first back up, and stands between her foe and her friend pleading for the madwoman’s undivided attention so the Staff doesn’t get snatched and Weiss isn’t killed in this moment of recovery. But Cinder’s eyes are bigger than her stomach and she wants every bit of power and importance before her. Before she can swoop in to destroy all she sees and claim all she wants... Cinder gets double boot kicked in the face by Blake. The interruption gives Cinder momentary pause and in that time the Faunus pleadingly kicks her silver haired teammate back into high gear. That’s a whole lot of flowery language when I could just say “After she swoops in and kicks Cinder in the face, Blake tells Weiss to get up”, but this is my last review for months and I wanna give you your money’s worth. Weiss runs off to go help elsewhere, while Blake and Penny engage with Cinder.

But we don’t have time to see how that fight goes right now, because we have to turn our attention to the sky. Even though he was the one to crash through the windshield and attack her, Qrow wants to talk Harriet down and not fight. He tries to explain and apologize for his culpability in Clover’s death, but she really doesn’t want to hear that name right now. She actually gets so mad that he’s trying to talk her down that she cuts the ropes holding down the bomb and slams her fists on the floor of the ship so it’ll tilt back and the bomb will fall out onto the city below. Qrow leaps into the path of the sliding bomb and tries to stop it, which just infuriates Harriet more cuz he just keeps interfering. But the interference doesn’t stop there, because Vine grabs the back of the airship and we see he’s being held sturdily to the roof of Robyn’s airship by Elm. We can assume Marrow is inside recovering from tanking an explosion, but Hare’s fellow Ace Ops have fully changed their tune and don’t want her to finish this mission. She screams at them for making this all the more difficult for her, but they’re doing this out of kindness. As possibly the smartest yet most obvious thing she’s said all Volume, Elm admits that YES, the Ace Ops are friends and care about each other outside of the professional sense. And as a friend, Elm doesn’t want her to risk her life for a dumb act of cruelty from a bitter man. Before Hare can fully process this news and express her regrets, the bomb slips further towards the open door and Qrow gets pushed aside with a dismayed cry. In a last act of desperation that I had a hard time understanding at first, he pulls out Clover’s lucky pin and seems to pray to it. I thought he was about to throw it in the path of the bomb so it would get wedged and damage the pin beyond repair for the sake of stopping its momentum. But no, he was just hoping for a little of Clover’s good luck to have rubbed off on the pin. And as if from beyond the grave, some luck does come to them. The bomb stops moving just as it’s teetering towards the edge, and they all breath a sigh of relief... before Watts remotely activates the countdown anyway because he’s a bastard.

Back in the in-between dimension, Ruby is still trying to subdue Neo and is being flawlessly countered at every turn. Neo practically looks bored by all this, just waiting for Ruby to get tired out so she can kill her. Ruby gets knocked down but before Neo can cut through the last of her Aura for the kill Weiss skates in on her glyphs and delivers a proverbial one-two punch of attacking with Myrtenaster and the Staff of Creation. Neo blocks the first but the second knocks her backwards into a portal. Seeing this from a distance frustrates Cinder as she continues to rather easily hold off Penny and Blake, so easily in fact that she knocks Blake off the ledge with a single blast and Penny has to fly off and save her. Weiss helps Ruby back to her feet and encourages her to keep fighting for the sake of avenging Yang/ surviving so her loss wasn’t in vain. The two of them being in close proximity is just what Cinder was hoping for though, and she creates a hot spot beneath them set to explode and send them flying. I’m really not sure what else to call it, but she does it fairly frequently so you know what I’m referring to. Looks like a glyph but it’s just fire. Weiss notices the danger first, and shoves Ruby out of the way while handing her the Staff in the same motion. By the time Ruby realizes she’s being saved, Weiss has already been knocked into the air... and falls back down on the same platform. Thank goodness for small miracles, though it does take out all of Weiss’ Aura so she won’t be able to save herself with glyphs if anything else happens. Ruby doesn’t have time to help her partner because Neo comes charging back in and reengages her attack, and now it’s harder to defend because she can only handle Crescent Rose with one hand now that she’s carrying the Staff with the other. Ruby is sent flying onto a pathway while losing the Staff to Neo, and Crescent Rose fully falls over the edge and leaves her disarmed.

From one speedster panicking in the face of danger to another, we go back to the airships and you better get a tissue ready. Qrow has discovered the autopilot is forcibly engaged and they can’t undo that, so he says their safest bet is abandoning ship and trying to get out of the blast radius. Harriet has gone full depressive breakdown and says the countdown is too far along for them to flee in time, so they’re all doomed and it’s her own damn fault. I would certainly agree, but it’s hard to try and hold that against her right now. Elm and Vine share a look before Vine leaps aboard and carefully lifts Harriet off the ship and into Elm’s arms. He looks at the bomb, then he looks at his own hands, and we realizes what he’s planning at the same time Elm does. Well, maybe she realized it when they shared that look, but it certainly sinks in now. He insists that he can and will because it’ll mean his dear friends will be safe. Harriet breaks down in tearful screams and has to be dragged inside, while Qrow shares a look with Vine and jumps out to fly away. Maybe he was trying to say “We appreciate this sacrifice, thank you for choosing the right side, Clover would be proud of you for looking out for the team like this”, who’s to say? I’d certainly like to think so because that would be a very meaningful goodbye. Vine spreads his arms and brings his palms back together in front of him in a very zen pose, presumably as he gathers and focuses his Aura. Then he sends out eight energy tendrils that spread out and become an Aura bubble around the airship, and we see it keep flying for a few more seconds while we pan back to get the view from the rest of the Ace Ops and the birds. BOOM, the bubble is stretched in several places by the force of the explosion, then it dissolves and releases heavy smoke. The bomb has gone off, the ship is gone, and Vine has died. But no one down in Mantle was affected, and the other 3 Ace Ops are okay if not heavily depressed by this new loss. He was a hero.

Speaking of heroes doing bold things, Neo came down onto the path Ruby is on and the young huntresses has been pushed back to the edge trying to get some distance from her. She tells the little psycho “I hope it was worth it”, and raises her arms as if surrendering to her fate. When Neo takes the bait and lunges at her, Ruby falls backwards over the edge and swoops back around with her semblance to shove her foe over the edge, though Neo does manage to hold onto the edge and avoid plummeting to her presumed death. Before Ruby can catch the Staff Neo threw in the air, Cinder blasts her in the back with fire and wipes out her Aura. The force of the attack also knocks her over the edge as well, where she is able to grab onto Neo’s legs. Cinder kicks the Staff into the air and catches it, then looks over the edge at the two hanging on for dear life. You’d be forgiven for assuming she’ll reach down and save Neo since she just apologized to her last episode, but instead she stretches her arm further down and takes the Lamp from her. Cinder is unmatched in her ability to hold a grudge, and Neo threatened to leave her to face Salem’s wrath over the loss of the Lamp over text two episodes back. She makes the backstabbing official by kicking Hush (Neo’s parasol in case you forgot the name they’ve never actually said in canon) over the edge and telling her now ex-partner “You never should have threatened me”. Ruby seems to be charging her silver eyes, but before she can do anything Cinder tells her she should have never been born and bashes Neo’s gripping fingers with the blunt end of the Staff. Both young women fall helplessly, but Cinder’s attention is drawn by Penny flying in carrying Blake since the two of them yell their friend’s name in dismay. Cinder sends a fireball at them but Blake gets thrown ahead while Penny takes the hit. Blake grabs Ruby out of the air and throws Gambol Shroud up to anchor into a path and let them swing to safety, but Neo is not saved and disappears into the void offscreen. The save works and it seems like they’ll be safe... but Cinder shoots a fireball that cuts the ribbon. Both Blake and Ruby fall into the the void and disappear, leaving a very upset Penny. If anyone is more anguished than her it’s Weiss, who grabs Gambol Shroud and shoots Cinder, her hands trembling and eyes welling with tears. The bullets do very little damage but it gets Cinder’s attention. 

Jaune and Nora meet up in front of the gate into Vacuo, and he instructs her to go through and get them backup for this fight. They part with determined smiles, but our hearts sink with the knowledge that the Vacuo portal is one way so Nora won’t be able to accomplish this last mission for him. Her self doubts are gonna take a real serious plummet from this. Stupid well played dramatic irony... Cinder is knocking Weiss around and mocks her for being the last one standing by implying she let the others die to save herself because she’s a selfish Schnee only looking out for herself. We know damn well that’s the farthest thing from the truth and Cinder has never cared enough to understand the bonds of Weiss’ friendships. As many have pointed out, this is a tragic departure from the promise Ruby made at the start of Volume 6 that Team RWBY wouldn’t leave Weiss side for even a second while they were in Atlas. But she’s still not alone because Penny blocks a beam of fire heading for Weiss and Jaune glides in to slam Cinder with his shield and use the gravity Dust to knock her back even more. As Penny points out, Cinder knows nothing of friends and we can clearly see Weiss still has some to stand with her. And stand they do, Weiss now dual wielding her own sword as well as Blake’s. Before Cinder can try to triumph in the face of these seemingly stacked odds, her Grimm arm starts convulsing and she screams with pain. The heroes share a confused look, but Cinder soon settles down and smirks with the realization of what this means. Salem has fully reformed, which gives Cinder new confidence that she puts to good use with a shockwave of fire to knock the good guys back a few paces. She tosses fiery glass swords at Jaune and Wiess but Penny deflects both of them and flies right at Cinder, who counters with a fiery kick to the ground. Whether Penny diverts the row of fire in front of her to spread to her sides instead or Cinder intentionally made the V shape to make dividers between the three heroes is unknown, but before anyone can react to this new obstacle Penny is stabbed in the chest by Cinder’s Grimm claws. The poor girl really has been made flesh and blood, because her wounds are bleeding while Cinder starts draining the Maiden power from her. Between the Amity fight and this encounter, I have to wonder what percentage of the powers have gone to Cinder by this point vs how much Penny still has... As her vision starts to blur and she falls onto her back, Penny sees Weiss charge in to attack Cinder and stop her from continuing to absorb Penny’s power and then Jaune come kneel over her and start healing her. He saved Weiss from a similar wound and this time he’s starting the process far more promptly, there are very good odds he could save Penny. But the problem here is time, Cinder isn’t going to let him complete the job and Weiss is sorely outmatched. She does see an alternative, but it’s heart shattering to hear from her. Jaune can kill her here and now and let her decide who will be in her final thoughts. They can’t risk Cinder stealing the Winter Maiden powers as well as having both relics, so ending Penny’s life quickly is unfortunately necessary. Penny begs him to trust her on this and let her choose how she dies since she didn’t get the opportunity to choose many things about how she lived. She obeyed her father’s wishes, followed Ironwood’s orders, went along with her friends’ plans, etc. Some of those times were good and she was glad she did what she did. But choice is the attribute of one of the relics for a reason, it’s a key part of humanity, and with her last moments she wants to express hers.

We cut back for brief moments a couple times during this very tense moment to see Winter’s fight with Ironwood juxtaposed with her sister’s losing struggle with Cinder, and the audience is meant to wonder which of the Schnee sisters Penny might be about to bestow the upper hand to in the form of Maiden power. Or she could think of Ruby and the power would go to her as proof she and the others didn’t die, or it could go to Nora because of the moments they shared discussing finding your whole self? We literally won’t know until she’s dead, and I’m not rushing to get to that point. Jaune looks at his own hesitant reflection in his sword, and for the first time it really seems to sink in that this is a sharpened steel weapon with lethal capabilities. It always seemed like the least impressive weapon in a world of giant scythes and wrist mounted shotguns, but we fear its blade more than anything in this moment. Weiss seems about to be killed, having had Gambol Shroud knocked from her hand into the abyss, when Cinder is distracted by Jaune screaming and weeping as we see both tear drops and blood drops fall to the floor by Penny’s lifeless body. The argument has been made that this was a bad move from a narrative standpoint, that he was only the one to get the kill or Penny only died so Jaune could get more angst and importance in the story, and various other points that add up to a lot of dislike for the character. I can’t even accurately articulate the argument because I give so little credit to its accuracy or plausibility. I even want to say, though there’s no way to back it up and its just me giving a little benefit of the doubt to theatrics, that he only made such a ruckus after the kill because he knew it would spare Weiss for a few moments longer. Cinder is going to see Penny dead and know the powers are not hers so she’ll go ballistic on Jaune for taking that away from her, and the heat will be off Weiss. Speaking of bad beatings, Winter gets pistol whipped and is about to lose too. But with the dripping of the blood soaked sword, the screen goes white and we see Penny hopping on the balls on her feet waiting for someone to arrive in this empty white void. They do, and she greets them with one last “SALUTATIONS!~” that made me cry even remembering. The one she has chosen to inherit her power is Winter, and when she finds out she’s here because she was the one in Penny’s last thoughts it seems to break her heart. But Penny would have it no other way, it was supposed to go to Winter anyway, she was the one who intervened and made things complicated. Winter disagrees with that though, Penny has proven far more worthy of these powers than an blindly obedient soldier like her. Penny was always more human where it counted and Winter was the machine, but Penny takes her hands and assures her she was plenty human enough by being a good friend. The powers start to go from one woman to the other and Winter tries to say that she’ll always remember Penny after she’s gone, or at least I assume that’s the heartfelt sentiment she’s going for, but our sweet redhead reminds her of her own words when Fria died. She won’t be gone, she’ll be a part of Winter now. That makes Winter feel a little better, and Penny gives her a smile as she fades away. Penny Polendina was a very cheerful girl, and she died happy in the knowledge she helped so many who will call her friend.

Winter reawakens on the floor of the Vault with Ironwood saying she’s finally reached the destiny he chose for her, as if this will suddenly make him a good person or convince her to change her allegiances back to him. She staggers to her feet and rises in a whirlwind of blue snow, Jimmy realizing all too late he might actually have miscalculated and be in danger now. I really love her defiant response to him, but I feel like it could have been a little more powerful with a small addition. Observe. “You chose nothing. This was a gift... from my best friend.” Either way, he realizes he now has an even stronger Winter Maiden as his enemy and tries to take her down with his greek fire cannon, but she creates a shield of ice that reflects the blast back at him. From the horrified expression he makes and the power we saw this weapon have against mortal man, I fully expected this to be Ironwood’s death. Hoisted by his own petard, no one to blame but himself for this fate. He could have not attacked her and he’d be fine, he could have decided to stop anywhere along this path and been spared. Defeated by someone literally made stronger with the power of friendship and trust, while he has been paranoid and severing bonds all this time. But no... he lives cuz it was a weakened blast after the redirect, or he still had his Aura to protect him, or whatever logic you want to use. Regardless, he’s down for the count right now and Winter flies away to deal with more important problems. He’s been removed from power and is only a major threat in his own mind, she doesn’t care anymore. As could have been expected, Cinder is outraged over what Jaune has done and attacks him rather than finishing off Weiss. He knocks her flying tackle back with his shield but she rebounds with a sword swipe he meets in kind. Blood stained steel meets tempered glass, and the steel loses. Jaune’s sword, a family heirloom from the Great War that he reforged after losing Pyrrha, is broken in half by Cinder’s attack and he is left at her mercy. The mad Fall Maiden demands to know who and where the power of Winter has gone to, and receives her answer in the worst way she could have hoped for: an icy blue blast to the head. Whether that was ice or specially colored fire or lightning is unknown, but it gets Cinder’s anger and attention. She was probably really hoping the strongest and smartest of Ironwood’s elite wouldn’t get the power to match her on a magical level, but she’s too determined and cocksure to stop her assault now and the two do battle in the air. Winter uses both magic and summons to deal with Cinder, but while the latter ends up dropping the Staff in the scuffle it still seems like an even match for the moment. Cinder sees Weiss and Jaune staggering towards the exit and decides to choose some easier targets for extra emotional damage. By the time Winter can realize the danger her sister is in, it’s too late and the two sword wielders are blasted by another of Cinder’s eruption blasts. Jaune skids across the path and loses his Aura, but Weiss is tossed over the side entirely and Winter isn’t fast enough. Weiss falls into the void, the last of Team RWBY dead and gone for all we know. 

I want to deeply praise Elizabeth Maxwell for her performance as Winter, both in the series as a whole and for this episode especially. She shows so many emotions so strongly and believably, and you can tell she’s putting heart and soul into it. Nowhere do I feel that more clearly than in this moment where Winter cries out for Weiss with so much despair and regret. She flies back up and collapses onto the path in tears, her reaction speaking volumes to Jaune. Cinder retrieves the Staff and Winter is ready to raise hell in revenge, but before anyone can attack Salem’s scream can be heard echoing through every portal in the place. Cinder realizes she needs to return to her mistress’s side so she can’t try and finish the job, while Jaune has to tell Winter repeatedly that they need to get to safety now so she just swears recompense later down the line. Winter flies to Vacuo while Fall goes back into the falling Atlas, and once she’s through all the portals and pathways start disappearing. Jaune tries his best to make it to the Vacuo gate in time, but he’s been cursed by the animators with a slow run cycle. Or he’s just really exhausted and weighed down by armor and weapons, who’s to say? Winter realizes she’s taken the lead too late and disappears into Vacuo just as she tries to turn around and reach out for Jaune. He dives the last couple feet to get through as the ground dissolves below his feet, but the last way out evaporates between his fingertips. Jaune Arc is the last one in the central location, and the last to fall into the void. On the other side Nora is futilely pounding on the portal trying to go back through and save her leader, while Em Ren and Oscar are putting up a valiant but outclassed fight against the Ravagers (the bat Grimm) and the small scorpion-like Sulfur Fish. Fun fact, those ones were the winning design submission from a contest last year. Before the teens and the crowd they’re protecting can get overwhelmed, a gale force wind blows the Grimm back. All eyes turn to see Winter float above the crowd as the magic door disappears behind her, including the eyes of her surviving family members. Thank goodness there was a portal available for Willow Whitley and Klein, though the look they all share makes it clear they realize Weiss did not make it. Rather than break down, Winter turns her sadness to rage and charges at the returning Grimm swarm.

We cut back to Atlas where much to my annoyance Ironwood has regained consciousness to see Cinder descending the Vault stairs with the relics in tow. But she won’t be winning the award for dramatic entrances, because Salem flies down the elevator shaft as a cloud of black smoke like a scene out of Harry Potter. She swirls around Cinder once or twice before reforming before her. And Cinder starts doing what she does best, lies out her ass to save her own skin. She claims Team RWBY used the last question for Jinn and then Neo killed Ruby while thousands were able to survive the fall of Atlas and make it to Vacuo, and that she had to make the conscious choice to let the Winter Maiden escape at the cost of all their allies so she could secure the relics for her mistress. Let me remind you what really happened. CINDER used the last question, CINDER killed Ruby and Neo out of petty revenge, CINDER killed the last Winter Maiden but couldn’t get the powers out of her or stop the stronger new one, and CINDER let thousands escape into Vacuo because she was too busy going for Penny and the relics. Oh, and Team RWBY and Neo aren’t actually dead, spoilers. So if any of those lies are revealed CINDER is going to pay a hefty price for her selfish deception. But for the moment Salem seems to believe her or at least lets it slide because she does have two relics now, and Cinder had the humility to say she was sorry. I like that Ironwood also hears the tale of Team RWBY heroically sacrificing themselves to stop the villains and actually having the nerve to give their own lives rather than the lives of others, unlike him. And, they saved so so so many more people than he did, and he was trying to arrest and foil them all this time. Perhaps now he’s a little humbled and realizes he’s not the hero of Atlas anymore. There will be no more Atlas and RWBY are the saviors of its survivors. As the two wicked women depart the Vault, Salem asks her acolyte what she made to replace what Team RWBY had created. Through another half truth Cinder reveals to us she locked Watts in the Atlas central command room and created a large fire. He roasted her savagely on an emotional level, so she literally roasted him alive with the biggest flames magic could afford. Cinder, Tyrian, and Mercury are now the only members of Salem’s inner circle. Wonder if she’ll recruit more in Vacuo to compensate? Ironwood grabs his pistol and is about to shoot at Cinder, but she turns and tells him this is checkmate and he’s too scared to pull the trigger. He knows he’d lose and even now he doesn’t want that disgrace. So instead he’ll lie here as Atlas crashes into Mantle and becomes flooded by a sudden influx of sea water. Cinder and Salem observe from the air as Atlas becomes Atlantis, while Qrow tries to get in contact with either of his nieces over comms aboard the ship with Robyn and the surviving Ace Ops... and comes up empty. Cinder’s declaration that this is Checkmate for the villains is actually the last audible dialogue, anything Qrow tried to say being silent with only music playing. It’s a depressing and somber note, and that’s where our Volume ends.

But there is more to say, of course. First of all, let me wipe away these tears and try to articulate how good the song for the end credits is.... It’s called Friend, and for the first time it is a song sung from Penny’s perspective. It sounds absolutely sweet and magical, like you’re peacefully flying through a cloudless starry sky, and she sings about how glad she was to have true friends like Team RWBY, especially one like Ruby. Even if her life was difficult sometimes, she’s very happy because it was as wonderful as a wish upon a star come true. I cannot lie, I start crying every five seconds as I try to write this. It’s probably going to be my favorite track on the soundtrack this summer. With the conclusion of the Volume I want to say how much I appreciate every bit of work every member of the RWBY cast and crew put into this season and this show. I cannot wait to see what wonderful things they do next.

Hark! There is one final scene! A mysterious tropical island with a massive tree in the center and strange hexagonal shapes in the sand, and just beyond the reach of the tide lies wedged in that sand... Crescent Rose. Team RWBY and the others are alive, but we’ll have to wait 5 months to find out where they have found themselves. My money is on a magical godly realm where we might learn more about the creation of Remnant. Until then, enjoy the last of my memes and any other shitposts!

[raitrolling]

Calm, After the Storm

[Easy Reading Version on Toyhou.se]

The clean-up for Vernrot Harbour had been slower going than Lusien expected. There was no structural damage to the town, no residents had been harmed as far as he was aware of, and the organisation that’d moved in to defeat the ‘threat’ were able to manage the situation quite cleanly. He had numerous encounters with members of Gaia since the incident: first on the night of the event when he was prevented from getting anywhere close to the shoreline, no matter how many times he insisted he knew the person causing all the trouble; again the night after when a member of the hospital wing knocked on his door to check him for signs of eldritch mental corruption, due to his close contact with a horrorterror (supposedly the results were normal… For this town’s standards); and then at least once a night after that as more people were brought in for clean-up duty.

The clean-up duty, of course, being restoring the balance between the numerous other entities inhabiting the town.

Lusien has always been familiar with the supernatural, and this familiarity has made him attuned to the state of the town. Those Who Slumber In The Deep are placid for a collective of horrorterrors living in the depths of Vernrot Harbour’s, well, harbour. Their influence is subtle, altering the weather patterns to their liking, and infecting the minds of the residents as the eldritch are wont to do. Some are more susceptible to their influence, typically those who live closer to their abode or spend much longer in the ocean than the average troll. But only he, gifted with the power to see the unseen and comprehend the incomprehensible, are aware of just what they’re doing to the residents. The scientist who lives by the shoreline doesn’t know why he feels lonely when he is unable to hear the whispers in the back of his mind, the author further towards the centre of town doesn’t think about why they’re always so drawn to the ocean whenever they feel troubled. And Lusien cannot tell them, the horrorterrors don’t allow them to believe him.

It is the other entities that are of most concern. The shadow beings were more restless than usual, and their home invasions became more frequent. The spirits residing in the lighthouse required more favours to pacify, feeling extra capricious out of spite for their ‘territory’ being infringed upon. Mostly they just required food or a small sacrifice, and while Lusien didn’t enjoy whenever they sought out something more from him, he was still compelled to carry out their wishes. Every other supernatural being that made their home in the town had their own sets of rules to follow, an invisible checklist of tasks and favours that once completed will make them consider not acting out again for an unspecified amount of time. No one else in the town was aware of their existence, and thus it became Lusien’s duty to tend to each and every one of their needs for the sake of the livelihoods of others. No one but him would notice if a resident was spirited away to another realm or possessed by a cranky entity who was rudely awoken by the songs of The Choir, and no one would be grateful for his efforts, but he still felt it was important to help them.

The staff at Gaia had been more than helpful. The trolls they sent were all well-equipped to handle the supernatural in a non-violent manner, although Lusien would often be called over to guide them through the more unpredictable whims of the entities. “Look for the blueblood with the starry eye” became a phrase often spoken by members of the organisation, and it was not uncommon for someone to come running over to the lighthouse to seek him out for an emergency. He would ask about what happened to Thri- The horrorterror they captured that caused all of this, but no one had an answer for him. They probably wouldn’t have an answer if he used his actual name either, given their tendency for codenames and classifications. The best he’d heard is that ‘the creature’ had returned to its troll form, and was currently detained. Lusien didn’t particularly enjoy the way they spoke of his friend, but he’d given up on correcting every single person he asked.

He was at the pier again, fishing up some more flounders to harvest their skeletons for a ritual as his nightly routine had been for the past couple of nights, when he heard the sound of heeled boots stomping on the wooden boardwalk approaching him. 

“Ugh… No one told me there were gonna be some fucked up toads here.”

Lusien turned to face the Gaia employee whining about the wildlife they must have come across, a tall indigblood wearing a white, slightly-translucent coat. They had a company umbrella in their hand that was most likely issued to them as part of their excursion to the rainy town, and they’d pulled up the hood of their coat over their head for extra protection against the wet weather. Through their scrunched-up expression of disgust, Lusien had noticed their eyes were rather striking: He’d never seen heterochromia as intense as their pale purple and reddish-pink eyes. Before he can make a comment about how the ‘toad’ they mentioned was most likely a mutated variation of the juvenile fishmen that plague the waters of the harbour, they’re quick to continue.

“You’re Lusien, right? The guy everyone’s been going on about?” There’s a nice, casual tone to their voice, which contrasts greatly against the horrendous vibes Lusien can see latching onto them. They’ve been deeply tainted by something he cannot quite figure out, but just like all the other residents of this town they seem completely unbothered by it. 

He nods in response to their question, and cannot help but wonder if they’re genuinely unaware of whatever magical influence has poisoned their mind or if they’re simply choosing to ignore it. They smile, in a way that makes Lusien’s hypothesis favour towards the latter.

“Pog. Yeah so I’m guessing you’re used to us coming up to you to give progress reports on the state of the town, but I got nothing. The reports I’ve been getting seem to suggest it’s getting better, so we’ll be outta here in a couple nights once we’re certain it’s all back to your usual level of fucked up.” They shrug. “If it was still out of control, I wouldn’t be here. I’m like a canary in a mineshaft, I’m not assigning myself to check out certain towns if there’s a risk of Shitbrains Syndrome. I already got enough of that.”

Yep, definitely aware of it but choosing to ignore it. Somehow even more off-putting than if they were just as clueless as the residents of the town. Despite feeling disconcerted, Lusien nods again. He’s always polite, no matter how disturbing his conversational partner may be.

“Okay. Thank you for the update.” It wasn’t his place to pry into anything else they had implied, and they probably appreciate that. It’s hard to get a read on what they’re thinking.

“Oh yeah, also. Update from the Starfish himself. I’m not a messenger but he’d probs appreciate it if I told you this-”

Lusien’s ears twitch at the mention of the ‘starfish’. He thinks he recalls Thrixe once mentioning his lusus, in a conversation a long time ago about stargazing. 

“He’s like, legit crushed about the whole horrorterror thing. He asked a couple times if you were alright, but psychological records are confidential and all that so I just told him yeah. Don’t really blame him that much about being kinda emo about the whole ordeal. And no one really wanted to give him any updates cuz, y’know, that’s a wholeass horrorterror we got locked up, but I knew the guy already so it kinda became my job to deliver the goods. I didn’t even get a bonus added to my pay for that...” They mutter that last part as they look away, glancing down towards the shoreline where Thrixe turned. “Anyway. I’m sure he’d probs wanna tell you to your face if the town’s ever gonna want him back here, but. Just thought you should know.”

For the first time in nights, Lusien felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. That feeling of relief with almost as much intensity to that of whenever he sees Anirus’ ship float into the harbour. He was okay. Thrixe was okay. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” The blueblood smiles. “And thank you for being so kind to him.”

The indigoblood was right. It probably won’t be likely that Thrixe would be able to return here for a long time given the whims of the entities, but Lusien would look forward to that night, whenever it may be.

[ice-cream-nekogirl]

i needed to lose you to love me (Bakugou Katsuki X Reader)

Summary: Bakugo sucks at apologizing, but knows that he owes you one. Big Time.

WARNING: THERE IS SOME MAAAAJOR AAAAANGST AND STRANGER THINGS 3 SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER.  LIKE… MAJOR... I might have to actually make an alternate ending... sure I personally think this one has a happy ending too but... have ya’ll HEARD Selena Gomez’s new music video and song? It’s heartbreakingly beautiful but important about self-love so... here ya’ll go! Warning it’s also pretty lengthy... I also alluded to American Horror Story in here too.

Taglist: @i-love-bakugou​, @soseoky​, @random-username-101​

The Long Awaited Part 2 of ‘Dump His Ass’ here: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/186316524474/dump-his-ass-bakugou-katsuki-x-reader

And Thank You All Might: https://ice-cream-kitsunegirl.tumblr.com/post/186833600249/thank-you-all-might

If you haven’t seen Stranger Things 3 year and don’t want any spoilers… this one has HUGE spoilers so… read at your own risk…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlJDTxahav0

You promised the world and I fell for it... I put you first and you adored it

It’s been at least a couple of months and yet you found yourself still upset over the newfound sadness that plagued you as you put away an empty glass of water in the sink, sniffling a little bit. Unable to help but let some tears stream down your face as you could only think about what you had lost.

Why did it have to be him?

Yes, he was a huge jerk but he had a good side after all.

It wasn’t just you, many others had to see his nastier sides and witnessed him beat up some innocent people. And many, including yourself had thought there was no way such a jerk could ever have any sort of redeeming qualities, and the only good trait about him was that he was good-looking and badass.

He acted like he was so big and tough and bullied others just to show off his power, but even he had a soft spot that he buried deep down inside.

And you lost him.            

Now all you could do was cry as you grabbed a tissue to wipe your face, not wanting to go to school upset over such a silly thing. Plus, you already embarrassed yourself in class not long ago by crying in front of everyone, so it was time to just get over it…

But you missed him…

“(Y/N)?” You nearly perked up as soon as you heard a familiar voice that belonged to the person you had been avoiding for the past months. Your ex-boyfriend…

Bakugou wasn’t a patient guy, and had been trying to bug you for the past couple of months but you stopped letting him and he had reluctantly put up with your silent treatment and cold shoulders. However, he couldn’t ignore your tears, he fucking HATED seeing you cry and he fucking HATED knowing that he was responsible for them…

Set fires to my forest And you let it burn...

He tried to get close to you, but you never let him, except this time he wasn’t going to let you just push him away. “Oy. What the fuck’s the matter…?” Despite his coarse language there was gentleness as he closed in towards you and looked you in the eyes.

“H-He’s gone…” You didn’t want to really see him, but you decided to just answer his question and his eyes slightly widened, “Who’s gone?” His concern grew when he thought that someone important to you might have died or disappeared.

“B-Billy… Billy’s gone… Hopper’s gone too… a-and so is Alexei…” You wiped your tears away with a napkin and swallowed hard to try and not get so emotional over the beloved characters you grew attached to.

But Bakugou could only blink in befuddlement, only for that to turn into pure and simmering annoyance, “Seriously?! Are you talking about the characters from that show?! I thought someone actually died!” He quickly shouted as you put your hand over your mouth to quell a snicker, as sad as you were over losing Billy, Hopper and Alexei, Bakugou’s anger was so amusing.

Yes you had been rewatching Stranger Things 3 ever since it came out because it was THAT good, you finally watched all of it with your friends and it was the BEST season thus far. Yet, it still didn’t cease to break your heart with the way it concluded this year.

“Yes… I am… oh yeah… Billy’s dead… and Alexei’s a new character that everyone fell in love with, Hopper’s also PROBABLY dead and Eleven… moved away from Hawkins can you believe it…?” With a small smirk you told him everything that you were sad about and you were actually really shocked to see his eyes go wide in the slightest bit of outrage as he yelled.

“DON’T TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED IN THE THIRD SEASON! I haven’t seen it yet!”

“Well I wouldn’t have to tell you what happened if you had just sat your ASS DOWN that night and watched it with me.” It was your turn to be harsh as you used a sharper tone that almost scared your ex as he looked at you in shock. He was not used to this side of you at all because you were usually his cheerful if weird and kooky girlfriend.

Bakugou knew you could be tough, but being on the end of it was… scary to witness.

“Now you care about the show?” You chuckled and shook your head when you recalled all of the times when he mocked your taste in shows and repeatedly said that Stranger Things was unoriginal and stupid. Well, actually at first you were okay with it because that was okay and it wasn’t anything personal, but then he started mocking other things that you liked knowing that you liked them and then mocked you for liking them. Why did you put up with all of that?

Sang off-key in my chorus 'Cause it wasn't yours...

“Because you made me watch it! You’re the idiot that got me invested in that dumb show in the first place!”

“Okay, maybe I was a LITTLE bit pushy but… did it kill you to watch something with me every now and then you jerk?” You had calmed down a little bit, and instead put your hands up just to stop this pointless argument, much to Bakugou’s slight surprise as his scowl had lessened.

“You know what? Nevermind… I’m not going to argue about a freaking show… and I’m not gonna waste yours or my time… I forgot how much you value your time.” Shaking your head, you grabbed your bags to get ready to leave soon. Maybe you were giving Bakugou the guilt trip, but in your defense he called you fat and accused you of being lazy, and you were starting to realize that he didn’t give you a whole ton of respect during your relationship as he insulted things you liked, didn’t spend a lot of time with you, brushed you off when you tried to help him, blew you off at times and again, he called you fat. Something he swore that he would NEVER call you, and he broke that swear.

He treated you like garbage so now, like Max had said, it was time to treat HIM like garbage.

And so far the guilt-trip was working and Bakugou hated that it was. Every time you reminded him of the things he said, this knot in his chest would build and it would make him SO angry and yet so fucking guilty.

“Dammit (Y/N)… will you just listen? I know I said some stupid-shit but-“

Uh-uh, you didn’t want to hear it and you quickly put your fingers in your ears and started to sing, “Lalalalala~! I can’t hear you~! I respond to nothing Katsuki~!” You sang outloud and that just made the already frustrated Bakugou even madder, “CUT THAT OUT! (Y/N) YOU MORON STOP ACTING LIKE A FUCKING KID!!”

“I’m sorry? But I can’t understand you Katsuki… cuz you’re a human… and I’m a pig, remember? Pigs can’t understand humans… there’s a language barrier. Oink, oink.” Your eyes were wide in fake surprise which REALLY shocked but also REALLY infuriated your ex.

“Do NOT call yourself that! You’re not a pig! Come on I didn’t MEAN what I said all right?!” You couldn’t be serious; you couldn’t have taken his words to heart THAT much could you? He really hoped not, because it just made him regret what he said even more.

However, you weren’t listening to him and just continued to ignore him as you tried to walk away, but Bakugou wasn’t going to let you. He didn’t like this feeling, he didn’t like it at all…

I saw the signs and I ignored it Rose-colored glasses all distorted 

“Hey! Goddamn it (Y/N) stop ignoring me!” Bakugou wasn’t used to you ignoring him at all, because you always, always gave him your attention, sometimes a little too much but he got used to it. And he liked that...

“Katsuki, you SERIOUSLY hurt me… I’ve told you this… the damage is done… you know I had a hard time growing up because of that… and you and Izuku were the only ones who never called me things like that when everyone else did…” Your voice cracked yet again as you quickly turned away and walked away as fast as you could, not giving Bakugou the chance to try and reach out for you the second he thought you were going to cry again.

Set fire to my purpose And I let it burn

“Argh! (Y/N)!” Bakugou called your name, but his guilt kept him rooted to where he stood as he let you walk off. But his eyes slightly widened when Mina and Yaoyorozu had been around and came just in time to walk with you and give warning glances to Bakugou so he didn’t try to come over to you. Mina even made sure to glare at him as the girls put their hands on your shoulders as the three of you walked away and left your ex alone.

Again…

“Dammit…!” He exclaimed to himself with his fists clenched. God he really fucked up; his classmates were giving him the stink-eye and you probably hated him. He couldn’t have that.

Well, Bakugou still really didn’t give a shit about what the others thought about him, but maybe, just maybe he didn’t want you to hate him. Even if it was his own fault. The more he reflected on what he said to you, the worse he felt…

You got off on the hurtin' When it wasn't yours, yeah...

8 HOURS LATER

You held back a yawn at the last class of the day, resisting the urge to go to sleep when Aizawa droned on and on about something you didn’t really care about. Well, it wasn’t that you were sad or anything, you were totally over everything that went down the last couple of days. Frankly, you had better things to think about and deal with than your dumb ex-boyfriend.

Like the new Zombieland! Now that you watched Stranger Things 3, it was time to get into something new. And you finished Big Mouth season 3 too so… you needed something else to focus on that wasn’t related to your ex or school. You giggled a little bit at the thought, maybe you should have been focused on studying for upcoming tests but at the same time it felt like everyone had been working too hard.

So the minute it was time to go you quickly went over to Izuku to see if you could drag him to the next showing.

“Hey ‘Zuku c’mere I got a plan…” You kinda grabbed his arm, making him jump a bit in surprise as he yelped a little bit. “A-Ah! Oh! H-Hey (Y/N)-chan… s-sure…” You thought he was so cute even though you two had been friends forever and he STILL got nervous whenever you touched him.

However, Bakugo didn’t find it cute AT ALL. Why the hell were you touching Deku?! What the hell were you doing with Deku?!

You didn’t notice this though as you just lulled him away to whisper, “Hey I’m like super hyped for the new Zombieland cuz it’s been getting some pretty good reviews despite the fact that it’s been like 10 years since the last one so… wanna go see it with me? I’m gonna invite some other fun people with me~.” It was a bit of a sudden, spontaneous idea but you thought ‘fuck it’ you wanted to go watch an awesome zombie movie with your friends and get school off your mind for a little bit.

Wasn’t that one of Columbus’s rules after all? Rule 32: Enjoy the little things. Yes you memorized some of the rules, some of them were good rules!

“Zombieland? Oh, that’s right! They made a sequel… sure…! I think that would be kind of nice…” Izuku wasn’t exactly a movie buff like you were but he liked spending time with you and watching movies or TV with you, and he liked the first Zombieland too.

“Great! Give ourselves a goddamn break ya know? I think we’re all kinda stressing out so yeah! Let’s go for it dude!” You gave him a big grin as he couldn’t help but blush quite madly, but he was happy that you seemed a bit happier as of late. Given the drama that occurred after you and Bakugou broke up and the mini depression you went through afterwards that lessened somewhat with the help of him, Shinsou and All-Might.

Did you still get sad? Of course. Depression and a low self-esteem don’t just go away, but your friends had been helping you through that, and you even still talked to All-Might whenever he and Izuku were training together or discussing something together.

“Actually that’s… not a bad idea at all. I suppose we have been a little busy lately...” He took note of what you were planning, and thought that a break could be good for him and his friends. “YEAH! Totally! I’m gonna invite Hitoshi! And Mina, and Tooru, and Denki, Fumikage, Yuga, Tsu, Momo, Eijirou, Hanta…” You listed off a few people you planned to invite since those were the ones you felt oddly closest to. It was a pretty big group but hey they could pay for their own tickets right? Besides the more the merrier!

“I think they’ll really like that (Y/N)-chan.” He thought outloud as the two of you walked out of the place together and headed towards the dorms, unaware that a furious Bakugou overheard EVERYTHING.

You were inviting THOSE losers to see a fucking movie but not him?! What the hell?! Now you were full-on ghosting him?!

That’s what it certainly felt like as he discreetly followed you and the damn nerd back to the dorms and you cheerfully skipped over to your room to get some good clothes on and get your things altogether so you could prepare for the upcoming time-slot at 6. You still had 2 hours but you liked to be ready before then.

And you quickly started to text to your friends. 

‘Hey Toshi, let’s go see Zombieland 2! I hear it’s really good so lets go C it bro!’ 

You texted Shinsou first though since he was the other friend you considered your closest.

‘Sure. Liked the first one, looking forward to this one.’ 

He quickly texted you back and was certainly up for it as you grinned and decided to tease him just a little bit. ‘HOORAY! And it’s a movie made just for you!’

‘HAHAHA YOU’RE SO FUNNY’ 

His text was very sarcastic but just as playful as yours as you snickered a little bit before you started sending the other texts to your friends.

‘LET’S GO SEE ZOMBIELAND 2 YA’LL. We need break, let’s go laugh it up at the movies!’

Was the text you sent via group messaging to Mina, Hagakure, Kaminari, Tokoyami, Aoyama, Tsuyu, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima and Sero. And you were met with numerous replies.

‘YEAH! I LOVED THE FIRST ONE!!’

‘Oooh I’m so excited for the sequel!’

‘Oh yeah! Now that’s an idea (Y/N)! Let’s nut up or shut up!’

‘I will never turn down an offer to see a zombie movie.’

‘Yes~. The first one was amazing, the second will be just as good~.’

‘I did like the first one, I’d like to see the second one too so that sounds like it would be fun (Y/N)-chan.’

‘Oh that comedy horror movie? Sure! The first one you showed me was good!’

‘OH HELL YES! I love that movie! It’s a yes (Y/N)! Thank you! I’m so up for that!’

‘Sure! I freaking loved the first one, dunno how this one’ll do without Bill Murray tho.’

You snickered at someone of their replies, finding many of them cute and funny at the same time. Looks like you had a party to go see this movie with, and you couldn’t be happier. You really needed this, since the past months hadn’t been easy since you were admittedly still getting over Bakugou. And you thought about what All-Might said, how you had to believe that you were beautiful and that you deserved love.

Of course, you still had a hard time believing that because it wasn’t just something you could drill into yourself and expect it to stay there, but at the same time you made sure to keep reminding yourself that and set your inner saboteur at bay. While at the same time, trying to not let what Bakugou told you dictate how you saw yourself.

You loved Bakugou, you really did, but he was mean to you, even though you knew what you were getting into, it ended up hurting you more than you ever thought it would when he just kept saying things that hurt and got into arguments with you whenever you wanted him to just spend a little time with him. He hurt you, and it was something you couldn’t quite just let go of, even though you weren’t exactly upset at him anymore, part of you still was.

And the love you still had for him didn’t leave you, but you kind of hated him too for being such a jerk to you, to Izuku and to Shinsou too for that matter. You hated him and you hated all the terrible things he said to you, because his remarks made you realize that no, you didn’t deserve any of that. Sure, you knew that maybe he really did love you at one point, because he kept trying to apologize so that meant he had to have still loved you right?

Or was it just his pride trying to win you back so he didn’t feel like a loser? You weren’t so sure, but deep down you knew that he did love you and did it because maybe he did feel really bad for what he said.

Dammit you wanted to hate him, but dammit you fucking loved him too. And damn, dammit it wasn’t good for you. You couldn’t just take him back after all of that, but you would at least know that he wasn’t a bad guy, he did have a heart, and that he did love you, and you loved him too…

But you didn’t deserve to have him treat you the way you did either. You loved him, but you were learning how to love yourself too.

You sighed as you got in your clothes and got everything you’d need from your wallet to your purse as you left your room. Making your way to the common room to hang about until it was a good time to leave.

“So Zombieland 2 huh?” Shinsou surprised you by suddenly speaking and popping up right behind you as you let out a shriek and jumped. Dammit he really was like a cat after he started training more. Hell he was so good you didn’t even detect that he was there since he was like a ninja learning how to subdue any obvious aura that you could sense.

“Good God man you’re going to need to start wearing a bell or something!” You whined a little bit as he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit at your expense and the light flush on your cheeks.

“But yes… Zombieland 2… Double Tap. What the fuck am I right? I looooves me some zombie movies! Add a little comedy to it and you get one hell of a flick!” However, you went from surprised to cheerful as you happily shook your firsts in giddy anticipation.

“Heh… yeah you got a point. The first one set the bar… might as well see if these guys still got it after 10 years…” He thought outloud as you gave him a nod and a thumbs up. “It was actually my first rated R movie.” Shinsou then decided to share as you perked up a bit with a gasp. “For reals?”

He smiled and nodded as a grin came to your lips, “Nice… that’s a good start to the world of R rated movies. I’ve been watching so many R rated movies at a young age I forgot my first one…” You KINDA bragged but you weren’t lying, you’d gotten into R rated movies at a pretty early age, but Shinsou was actually somewhat impressed as he gave you a smirk.

“Oh yeah? You’re not the only one… I just have a better memory.” And he kinda poked fun at you as you laughed and playfully smacked his shoulder. “I’ll give you that…” Still you decided to own up to that because yes, you didn’t have the best memory unless it came to movie lines, character quirks or memes.

“Well… it’s a good idea, and I’m into it so… I’ll just go put on something that’s… not my uniform.” Shinsou’s smile looked almost coy as he scratched the back of his neck as you smiled back at him, “Take your time, movie don’t start for another hour and a half.” You said as he gave you a polite wave that you happily returned.

Yeah, you couldn’t wait to see the movie now. Especially with Shinsou, Izuku and all the others, they were so great. Shinsou and Izuku were so great… Shinsou was great…

You couldn’t help but think as you made sure you had everything, and some candy you stored away and would sneak into the theaters as you put the treats into the secret pockets of your purse. However, you paused momentarily when you definitely felt someone else’s aura in the room, no one other than Bakugou’s. You knew what his aura felt like, it was always so vibrant, bright and almost hot whenever you came so close as you could always see it flickering and blazing. Only this time, it was subdued, akin to a small candle.

“So you’re going to see that movie huh?” There it was, his low, raspy voice that you had fallen in love as you turned to see him looking so oddly calm. Bakugou wasn’t known for being calm at all, and yet he was here looking strangely cool.

You had to admit, although you kinda wanted to still treat him like garbage you were starting to feel kind of guilty about it too. So you decided to be more civil this time as you smiled, “Let me guess… Denki and Eijirou told you?” You asked politely as he scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Duh. Those two don’t know how to keep their traps shut when they’re excited…”

Maybe you could invite him? You thought, sure he was probably going to turn it down but… no, it probably wasn’t a good idea.

“In their defense, it’s been 10 years since the last one showed. The actors are all kinda old now, and we’re interested to see if they still got that thing ya know? If they can hold a candle to the first one, not sure you remember it but it was hella funny.” You said with a smile, and Bakugou couldn’t help but feel somewhat at ease.

The smile was real and it’s been a LONG time since he’s gotten a smile from you, it almost hurt seeing you smile because he remembered the times when you and him were together, you were always smiling. But this time, you and him weren’t together, and yet you were smiling now. Of course, Bakugou wanted you to be happy, but were you happy without him…? He almost didn’t want that… he wanted to be the one to make you smile because he was never, EVER going to say the stupid shit he said ever again.

“I remember.” He said gently and you were KINDA freaking out, was this even the real Bakugou? You were a little concerned, but you knew you shouldn’t have been since the calm aura was still as orange and red as ever, the red drowning away the orange as you saw a flicker of pink in there. Was that love? Or was that guilt? It had to be guilt. You knew Bakugou at his most vulnerable, and you adored that side of him too, but things have been so awkward between you and him that you didn’t know what to do…

You sighed a little bit and nodded as you moved from the refrigerator to go and sit at the couch, “I always thought you were prettiest like this.” But you stopped before you could sit as you perked up at his sudden comment though, and you looked over at him in shock. Did he just say you were pretty?

We'd always go into it blindly I needed to lose you to find me

A chuckle left you, turning into a snicker as you shook your head and you saw more of your Bakugou when he narrowed his eyes at you in annoyance, “How so…? I’m… not really dressed up.”

“Well that’s why!” He raised his voice a bit, and you honestly smiled because now he was kinda back to being himself and being honest. However, he didn’t want to yell at you anymore or make you feel worse so he calmed himself down, “Just regular clothes, no make-up, messy hair… no fake, colorful shit, just your style.” Okay, now you couldn’t be so sure, but dammit he wasn’t lying, it was all in his aura, his tone, and the way he was moving closer to you.

He really was trying, wasn’t he? You wanted to forgive him, you really did, and you were still trying to but… you weren’t ready for that.

“Heh… you’ve got weird taste in girls Katsuki.” You were still self-deprecating, just like you had been in your relationship, but Bakugou always made you feel better about it, and told you that you WERE beautiful and how you never ceased to turn him on.

Only this time, the words he said to you came back, and the things you told yourself came back and reminded you that no, you couldn’t fall back into his arms. No matter how close he got as he slowly came behind you. “Stop saying shit about yourself like that… you’re beautiful…”

God you loved the warmth that radiated from his powerful physique as his arms came around you, a shudder going down your spine at the familiar feeling. No, no, no you weren’t going to fall back into his arms, dammit… you couldn’t…

It was a pleasurable torture when he put his arms around your plump waist as he caressed your sides, and gave you a gentle kiss to the side of your head. Hoping that you could forgive him as you didn’t resist his advances until you decided…

“No.” 

You wanted to, but knew that you couldn’t right now as you grabbed his hands to pry them off of you, “No Katsuki, no, no…” Shaking your head, you were surprised that you managed to get his hands off you as you heard a low growl resonate in his throat as he gave you a soft glare, but he knew that… he couldn’t do anything because you said ‘no’. And Bakugou was taught very early on by his bitch mom that no meant no…

“Sorry I just… I don’t… I’m not... I can’t do that…” You shook your hand and raised a hand as you averted his gaze and instead you went back to go and maybe get other things from your room, but the truth was you just wanted to escape this awkwardness, it was too much for you. And frankly you were terrified of falling back into his arms again…

This dancing was killing me softly I needed to hate you to love me, yeah...

Bakugou accepted that you said no but he was pissed off as he clenched his fists and trembled with hurt and rage. For a moment he almost thought you were doing this on purpose, and pushing him away for good. Why didn’t you forgive him? He apologized (a lot), he’d been trying so hard to apologize and take back everything he said to you.

Grinding his teeth, and barely holding it in, he angrily marched over to take out a minuscule of this fury on the nearby dishes on the table and shoved them off as they loudly shattered and cracked upon making impact with the floor.

“DAMMIT!!” 

He finally shouted with all the pent-up frustration, his booming voice drowning out the shattering glass as you gasped and backed away in slight shock and fear at his sudden outburst.

"How fucking long are you going to punish me (Y/N)?! HOW FUCKING LONG?! ARE YOU REALLY STILL PISSED OFF OVER SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED MONTHS AGO?!”

This reminded you of something you saw in a movie, he was so pissed and even yelling at you and honestly it did scare you, but Bakugou wouldn’t hurt you. Physically at least, you knew that much, but you weren’t going to back down

“Of COURSE, I’m still kind of pissed off! And for the record I am NOT punishing you, you narcissistic asshole, I’m TRYING to think about how I should forgive you for the things you swore to NEVER call me! Or if I even should forgive you! W-What? You want me to j-ju-ju-just… make out with you like its old times?!” You exclaimed with the same vexation that you had been keeping at bay ever since the two of you broke up, not seeing Bakugou’s narrowing eyes and shaking figure as he seethed when you once again, reminded him of the big mistake he made with you.

“I... I mean I... I can’t even look at your face Katsuki! Without… thinking about and hearing the words you said to me and the expression of anger and disgust on your face when you said that I was just some fat pig who was wasting your time!” Emotion nearly choked you up as you wiped your eyes when tears started to cloud them and you couldn’t see just how aggravated and distressed Bakugo was as he clutched his hair out of frustration.

“I FUCKED UP!! How many times do I have to say that I fucked up?! How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?!” 

Throwing his hands up, he shouted that he had indeed screwed up, louder than before, frustrated with everything, with you, with himself, with the fucking guilt that just started eating away at him again.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me, yeah...

“You can say you’re sorry all you want! I just… I can’t ignore the fact that you would stoop so low to say the same things the people YOU protected me from would say to me. Why did you do that?” You had to ask, even though you were still mad as hell.

“ARGH! Dammit! I don’t fucking know! I was pissed off! I had shit I was dealing with and I took it out on you but I shouldn’t have! I admit it!” Bakugou wasn’t denying it anymore, he knew he royally screwed up and that he couldn’t use his anger as an excuse for it, but you still weren’t having it.

“Oh. Oh so that’s what I am huh? Something for you take it all out on? Well your bad temper is not an excuse Katsuki and I’m done listening to you use that as your excuse for almost everything… you can’t even put it aside to think about me or how that must have seriously hurt me. Did you ever even think about how I felt during those times? Did you ever stop to put yourself in my shoes? Did you ever feel awful and useless when you couldn’t make your partner happy? Or... d-did, did you ever dread going to school because people were going to comment about the way you look? Did you go home feeling horrible about yourself because people called you ugly and fat? Did you spend nights crying all by yourself, bored and alone and feeling like you were going to be alone for the rest of your life because everyone else made you feel so worthless? Did you ever feel like maybe it was your own fault? Did you ever think that you had to have been the worst partner ever because it seemed that no matter what you did, you couldn’t get your partner to spend time with you? Did you ever feel like maybe you really were worthless because you felt like you just couldn’t do anything right and then spend every day hating yourself?!” 

You barraged him with all of these questions that broke his heart as he hated the emotions swimming in his furious crimson eyes but that’s not what you were talking about as you glared at him with hurt, darkening red aura barely visibly radiating from you. He couldn’t even say anything because deep down, he knew that he was probably one of those people now after you broke up with him because of what he said…

“I just… god… here’s my real question… why are you such a fucking asshole to me?” That’s the real question you wanted to ask him, and Bakugou couldn’t help but look shocked, confused but even more pissed off than before. He was an asshole to everyone, but you were hellbent on this little spat because of what he said, that was it wasn’t it? You were still mad because of something he said…

“For God’s sake I said I was sorry for what I said all right?! I’ve said it a million goddamn times! I’m SORRY (Y/N)! I didn’t mean what I said to you! I want to take it all back because it was the worst fucking thing I could have ever said to anyone! Especially you!” He shouted his apology, the angry tears threatening to spill but you shook your head at this.

“I’m not talking about what you said, I’m talking about everything! Ever since we got together you’ve still managed to treat me like shit! Even before we got together you still treated me like shit, and yet it got worse when we became a thing! You hardly spent anytime with me, pushed me away when I tried to help you, made fun of what I liked, insulted me and called me other names for what? Cuz I’m a geek like Izuku, cuz I like geeky things and like to watch TV and eat sweets and say dumb puns and hang out with Izuku and Hitoshi, well I’m sick of it Katsuki! I’m fucking sick of it!” 

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me…

You didn’t realize the tears dripping down your chin, or the sudden wave of blue aura that your sadness triggered and emitted from your form and rushed towards anyone in the vicinity as Bakugou cringed as the tears automatically streamed down his face in response to your quirk. Damn your quirk… but he’d be lying if he said that it wasn’t just your quirk making him cry…

Neither of you noticed that some of your classmates Izuku, Shinsou, Kirishima and Hagakure instantly backed away from being seen by you or Bakugou. They heard the screaming, and they were hella uncomfortable as they gasped quietly when your quirk hit them and immediately brought tears to their eyes as Izuku and Kirishima covered their mouths as huge tears well and dripped down their faces and made them quietly cry. Shinsou shut his eyes tightly when he felt your quirk make unwanted tears pool in his eyes as he tried so hard to blink them away but couldn’t stop some from falling. Hagakure on the other hand whimpered and had to keep her mouth shut though the boys couldn’t see anything other than moisture streaming down her invisible face.

She didn’t focus on them though, instead she was just thanking the gods for making her invisible because hearing two people scream at each other was scary…

However, the screaming died down once Bakugou heard you out, and apparently everything else that became clearer to him the more you said it. He knew he wasn’t hardly a good boyfriend, aside from the more intimate times you and he shared but it couldn’t make up the bad times either. Hell, even he knew he was a pretty shitty boyfriend, but now he felt like he’d been a really shitty boyfriend after you finally said all of it. All the shitty things he’d done before and after your relationship…

You sighed, closing your eyes as you looked away from him and didn’t see the look on his face. Remorse, shame and subdued fury all etched throughout his features as he furiously wiped his face to get rid of the tears he couldn’t stop. He wanted to comfort you, but he was the one who hurt you, and now he was hurting too, all of the hurt that he caused you to feel.

You promised the world and I fell for it I put you first and you adored it...

“I’m just… I’m going to go now… sorry I just… I have to go…” But you didn’t want to be around him right now, you had a movie to go see with your friends. And the worst part is he was letting you, he wanted to follow you and just keep saying that yes, he was an asshole to you and that he just wants to take it all back so you could forgive him.

Dammit why the fuck wasn’t he moving?! Why the fuck wasn’t he saying anything?! 

All Bakugou could do was stand there, stunned in silence and growling quietly, rubbing at his tearful eyes more harshly as he watched you go. No, he couldn’t just leave it like this, it couldn’t end like this right?

No it wasn’t, he couldn’t just let it end like this, but he couldn’t bother you right now, he knew that much at least no matter how much he just wanted to go with you so he could at least be close to you after spending these past few months alone.

Yet he’d be kind enough to let you go with your friends as you spent the next hour just preparing yourself and drying your tears so you could go to everyone and say that you were okay. But of course, you weren’t okay, they knew that all too well.

Even Shinsou and Izuku held their tongues when they were all leaving with the motley crew of classmates that often didn’t hang together but were nonetheless friendly with each other.

“Ya all right there girl?”

“Is there anything you need (Y/N)?”

“I’m okay… honestly guys.” Kaminari and Kirishima were the first to ask if you were okay. “He didn’t say anything mean again did he?” Kirishima made sure to ask about Bakugou though, sure he was practically his best friend but even he wasn’t standing by him after the things he said to you. What he said was NOT cool, did he give him emotional support? Definitely, he’s the one who even told him that he should apologize to you, but he was sad that it didn’t seem to work.

However, he knew you weren’t obligated to forgive Bakugou, no matter how much everyone wanted to see a happy ending for you both.

“No one would blame you if you didn’t forgive him (Y/N). What he said was pretty cruel given you guys’ history together.” Tsuyu spoke what she thought, but she at least hoped nobody would. Some might have thought you were being unreasonable and unforgiving but Tsuyu wasn’t going to blame you if you didn’t take him back.

“She’s right. Or at least… they shouldn’t blame you. Although… I at least hope the two of you can reach better terms…” Yaoyorozu had a BIT more compassion though and sincerely hoped the best for you both and you couldn’t help but smile because that’s exactly what you wanted to.

While you and Bakugou didn’t have a pleasant conversation, you did want to at least go back to him later and say that it’d be great if you and he could at least be friends.

“I do too Momo… thanks Tsu. Thanks you guys… I’m still working on the forgiveness part but for now… I do want to get on better terms with him at least.” You smiled sadly at your sympathetic friends who all gave their nods and smiles of agreement as they seemed to approve.

“The decision is yours (L/N). There’s no obligation for you to return.”

“Yeah like, if it wasn’t healthy then you shouldn’t go back to it… sure sometimes toxic relationships can be cleansed but… Bakugou’s got his own stuff to work on too.”

Despite their less than stellar grades in school, Tokoyami and Sero were wise in their own ways, as what they said made you feel better and it made a lot of sense. And you appreciated the hell out of them for that.

“That’s right!”

“Uh huh! We’re with you with whatever choice you make too!”

“Of course my friend~.”

And it helped when Mina, Hagakure and Aoyama backed you up by giving the same endless support they had been giving you for months as you couldn’t help but tear up and laugh. “Dammit you guys… thanks… but please… enough with the mushy stuff I don’t wanna get all emotional again…” Your amused tone earned smiles and small laughs from your dear friends as Shinsou and Izuku stood by you.

“Sure… you’ve probably had enough of that huh?” Shinsou knew it’s been an emotional roller coaster for you, and he was certain that you could only handle so much mushy gushiness. “Y-Yeah… but I appreciate it… shows how much ya’ll care about me.” You had to admit that though, you loved how much all of your friends had done so much to help you.

“Anything for you (Y/N)-chan.” Izuku gave you one of his sweet smiles that you found irresistible as you smiled back at him. Something about him always made you feel so cared for; he was a good guy. He and Shinsou were such good guys.

They made you remember to actually love yourself too. They certainly loved you, and the rest of your friends loved you too. And you were starting to love yourself a little bit more too.

“Wait! There’s like 10 of us! How are… are you paying for all of us…?”

You snickered and couldn’t be happier to hear Kaminari’s comical but logical question as it broke the ice and lightened the mood. “Oh actually I also invited Shouto!” And you suddenly announced that, grinning as soon as you saw the dual-haired boy coming your way with a small smile as he watched you wave.

“Hey Shouto~!” You greeted him cheerfully as he joined in with your group.

“Hello (L/N). Hello Midoriya.” He returned the greeting politely, still giving you one of those rare little smiles that you were happy to see.

“Todoroki! (Y/N)-chan invited you too?” Izuku was especially elated to see his friend there, albeit he was surprised since you waited til the last minute to invite the fire and ice user. “Yes. She showed me the first one last week, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Now I’m interested to see how this second one will go.” Todoroki’s been slowly converted to your way of pop culture as you introduced him to several films like Disney and Marvel, but especially classic old movies like The Breakfast Club, Jennifer’s Body and Zombieland of course.

“Yeah you go bro! That’s my dude!” You were ecstatic that he was willing to come along though, and it showed. “Besides… I was able to take 10000 yen from my old man’s wallet so everything is on me.” His smile turned into a small smirk as you gasped and laughed, clapping your hands happily.

“YES! That’s my Shouto! Rebelling against daddy~!!”

Okay, maybe you kinda gave him that idea since you didn’t have a lot of money yourself, but Todoroki did, and he was more than happy to pay for you and his friends especially since it was so accessible thanks to his bitch father.

“All right~! Let’s go~!!” You exclaimed cheerfully, throwing a fist in the air as you lit up a bright, cheerful pink aura that radiated throughout your friends which made them all perk up a bit as they felt your happiness and were just as excited as you were now.

“YEAH!”

“ZOMBIELAND~!!”

“WHOO-HOO! DOUBLE TAP!!”

“CARDIO~!”

Kirishima, Mina, Sero and Kaminari were especially excited as they were your more extroverted friends, but everyone was smiling along with you as they gladly followed you to the movie theater to see this long-awaited sequel of the first beloved movie.

Everyone was happy. You were happy too, you were especially happy now despite what happened with you and Bakugou.

The same unfortunately could not be said for Bakugou, who was far from happy, but he was glad that you were at least happy. He just wishes that he could have been happy with you, and that he could make you happy.

But he didn’t make you happy anymore.

2 HOURS LATER

“That was fucking INCREDIBLE!!” You exited the theater EXTREMELY happy and almost wishing the movie didn’t end because Zombieland 2 was THAT good a movie and you were SO happy that you got to see it with all your friends. You SWORE you heard Todoroki laugh too, so that was something you were never forgetting.

“I KNOW! HA! Not bad for 10 years later!”

“I freaking loved Madison!”

“I did too! She was the funniest one!”

“Oh yeah, she was pretty much the best part of the movie.”

“Hell yeah! She was really sweet too, I liked her! She was tons of fun!”

Naturally, the Bakusquad (plus Hagakure) was as cheerful as ever as they all loved the movie they just saw, and were extremely happy that they took up your offer today, because it was money well spent. Well, Todoroki’s money but still!

He thought so too, he rather liked the sequel and found it amusing, he actually smiled and tried to not laugh at some of the dumber things that Madison girl said during the movie. “I agree, it was… amusing. I see why you go here often (Y/N).” Todoroki made sure to compliment you though, he wasn’t the best with emotions but he knew you had been kinda unhappy lately so he tried to be kinder to you.

“Thanks Shouto! I know right?! It was AWESOME! I’m SO glad I decided to just come over here~. It gets an A+ from me~.”

“One of the rare moments where the sequel is just as good as the first movie, if not better.” Tokoyami even pointed out something you highly agreed with because it was THAT good. “Exactly! You don’t get that with every movie… sequels tend to suck…”

“The new additions were good ones too, sometimes adding new characters is actually what kills the movie. Not for this one.” And Tsuyu gave her input that almost everyone here agreed with, but couldn’t choose a new favorite.

“My favorite is that Madison girl~. She knew how to dress and be the cute one~.” Aoyama had his favorite, but everyone near unanimously agreed that she was the funniest one. “But she knew how to survive too for all those years.” But Yaoyorozu pointed out that despite Madison being a cliché dumb blonde character that she STILL survived the zombie apocalypse by herself.

“An excellent point Momo! She ain’t that stupid…” You giggled a little bit alongside your best guyfriends Shinsou and Izuku. “No she was actually… oddly smart… kinda like you.” But Shinsou poked a bit of fun at you as you laughed and slapped him on his shoulder playfully. “SHUT UP TOSHI! NO… I’m not that thick I’m smart too!” You exclaimed but cheerfully as he tried his hardest to not snicker or grin at you.

“You are smart (Y/N)-chan… coming here to see this movie was smart, I liked it, I liked it a lot! It was actually better than the first one.” Izuku was the sweetheart though as he gave you a bit of a sweeter compliment, much to Shinsou’s slight annoyance.

“Thank you Izuku~.” You sang-songed cheerfully as you beamed at the blushing boy who instantly turned bashful at your smile, much to MORE of Shinsou’s annoyance. Always trying to be the ball of sunshine that guy…

However, all that mattered is that you were ecstatic and everyone else clearly had a good time and loved the hell out of the movie. And you were smiling again, Shinsou hadn’t seen you smile as much as normal so seeing you smile the way you were was very nice.

You were smiling the entire time you went back to the dorms, just laughing with your friends and re-quoting the funnier lines from the movie and discussing some of the funniest parts until all of you had to go your separate ways and return to your rooms. Especially when other classmates came into view, you didn’t wanna spoil it for anyone after all.

“Hehe… well guys I think I’m just gonna stay up a couple of more hours and go to sleep or at least try to.” You said to your friends as they each smiled and nodded before they all said ‘okay!’ ‘sure’ and ‘that’s a good idea, good night to you (Y/N)’ and you made sure to happily return the polite ‘good night’ back to them.

Now it was just you and Izuku and Shinsou, you were still just happily chatting to them, but that’s when Bakugou decided enough was enough. He heard all of the other idiots just laughing and talking about a movie he hadn’t seen it yet and now some of it was fucking spoiled for him but that’s not what mattered right now. What mattered is that he didn’t like the way he left things with you a couple of hours ago, and now he had to talk to you again.

“I’m telling you, I could totally make Zombie kill of the week if we were in the Zombie apocalypse.” You were trying to brag to Izuku and Shinsou who were just chuckling at your enthusiasm.

“That would require some elaborate way of killing them, some people get really creative with that…”

“Oh yeah? You don’t even know how to use some weapons (Y/N)…”

Izuku had more hope in you, Shinsou was just playing with you though and God Bakugou fucking hated it, especially when you laughed with them.

“Oi. Deku, Eyebags, get the fuck out of here.” Before you could reply Bakugou suddenly made his appearance and immediately told the two guys to get out, “Ah! K-Kacchan I uh…” Izuku knew how jealous Bakugou could get though and his first instinct was to try and reassure him that he wasn’t trying anything with you or anything.

“Beat it you damn nerd!” But Bakugou didn’t wanna hear him and a very scared Izuku quickly rushed out with a very frightened ‘Okay!’ as your smile instantly turned into a frown as he forced your friend out, but Shinsou wasn’t budging at least.

“Get lost Eye-bags, I need to talk to (Y/N). ALONE.” He roughly demanded the brainwasher to leave, but Shinsou had his arms crossed and stood where he was.

“I’ll go when I want to.” He shook his head and refused to leave even though Bakugou was only getting madder when Shinsou dared to tell him ‘no’, but you didn’t want there to be a fight so you raised your hand.

Set fires to my forest And you let it burn Sang off-key in my chorus...

“It’s okay Hitoshi… you don’t wanna be here… me and Katsuki DO have to talk and I’d rather you not be around to see it so… it’s okay…” You gently convinced him to leave you and your ex be for the time being and although reluctant, Shinsou sighed and complied. He knew you knew what you were doing so he got up to go, not before whispering a ‘see ya later’ as he left and he and Bakugou exchanged glares as he walked away.

You didn’t approve of how he just broke you and your friends up from a fun conversation, but you supposed that this had to be done since you and he didn’t really leave on a good note earlier today, or this morning.

No more fighting. You were done with it, you just wanted to stop fighting with him.

Except… it was easier said than done. The two of you stood in the living room for what felt like forever because none of you could find the words to say and it was beyond uncomfortable. “So… did… Kirishima and Kaminari already spoil the movie for you?” You decided to ask a lighthearted question and Bakugou ALMOST snickered.

“Yes… I’m going to kill those morons…” He didn’t really mean it but he knew how much you enjoyed those two movies and he really, just really wanted to see it with you since he loved seeing the first one with you even though back then he pretended like he thought it was stupid. But no, he liked it, and now some of it was spoiled for him. Maybe he’d go see it with you again since he knew you never minded seeing another movie twice.

“Hehe… well… it was good so… if you ever feel like seeing it, I recommend it.” You said gently with a little smile as Bakugou leered at you.

“What I want… is to just say I’m sorry for… being such a fucking asshole to you, for being the worst fucking boyfriend and… everything… I’m... I’m sorry (Y/N)... I’m so fucking sorry everything, I can’t say how sorry I am...” Bakugou shamefully blushed as he apologized to you because he was never good at doing that. Hell, he very rarely said the word ‘sorry’ at all, but lately he’d been using that more and more when it came to you after he realized just how terrible a boyfriend and friend he had been to you.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to hate you to love me, yeah 

You were shocked but also touched that he was doing this for you, you knew how hard it was for him to apologize so you were touched and kind of happy. “Thanks Katsuki… it’s… okay… I think I’ve been mad at you long enough so… it’s okay… we’re okay.” You gave him a smile that actually gave him hope as his eyes slowly widened.

“We are…?” Bakugou asked you somewhat nervously, because he started to see some doubt in your eyes as you sighed, “Yes… we are okay but… not… in the way you think…” His heart was racing, but it wasn’t from excitement because you didn’t look like you were happy.

“Look… Katsuki… I mean you no ill will. I still care about you, and I still love you but… I really, really don’t think you’re a good boyfriend…” You said a little bluntly but made your voice soften as he gasped quietly.

“You’re not a bad person… but you’re not a good boyfriend either… and I don’t really think that I can really return to a relationship like that… sorry…” Sighing heavily you finally did it, you told him that you didn’t want to go back to the relationship but seeing his expression broke your heart.

“I know I wasn’t! But… look just… dammit (Y/N) I’m not going to say any of that shit to you ever again! I won’t fuck up like I did last time I swear!” He sounded desperate, as if he was pleading to you as he moved closer and you fought the tears starting to build in your eyes when he grabbed your hands. He would beg if he had to, he just couldn’t lose you.

“I love you.” 

He said calmly and yet sincerely, out of pure impulse but that’s what he truly meant. He loved you and he just wanted to hear you say the words back to him. He knew you did…

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah I needed to lose you to love me...

“See that’s just it… I know you love me… I love you too… but… I thought you loving me was enough, at least… until… you said the things you did… now I know you’re sorry... and I don’t doubt that you do love me but… I started hating myself again when you said those things and it made me realize that... I need to love me too, I need to start loving myself… and I didn’t love myself when I was with you. I let you do that for me, and… I can’t do that anymore. It’s not fair to you, and not good for me.” You loved him, you truly did love him but at the same time you needed to give yourself time before you could go back into a relationship, especially with him.

Bakugou was an extremely flawed person and although he was honest and you believed every word he said, you didn’t think it was a good time to go back to him.

And he knew it, but it didn’t stop the tears from coming but he stubbornly willed them back as he swallowed hard. He tried so hard and he wasn’t giving up yet, but he knew that you didn’t want to get back together with him. Worse, he made you hate yourself for a moment because of what he said and what he had done to you too, so… maybe you were better off without him. He’d rather you love yourself first because you were the best thing he’d ever had.

To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah

“Fine then…” He tried to sound bitter, but he was just miserable and he did understand even if he was really hurt right now and knew that this was nobody’s fault but his. “I don’t fucking deserve you anyway… you’re… too good for me…” Bakugou muttered as he forced back all the emotion until he felt you kiss him suddenly on the cheek, making him gasp a bit.

“It’s okay… we all make mistakes. We’re human, that’s what we do. So… don’t beat yourself up.” You said to reassure him although it didn’t make him feel any better as he pulled you into a sudden, tight hug as you closed your tearful eyes and hugged him back, feeling his tears on your shoulder as your arms tightened around him so you and he could savor each other’s warmth just one more time

Neither of you truly wanted to pull away, it was almost too painful but you knew that it was for the best. You had started learning how to love yourself more, and you had to put yourself first more, and he knew that. And Bakugou also knew that he needed to work on himself too, and maybe he’d be a better boyfriend to you someday.

And now the chapter is closed and done To love, love, yeah To love, love, yeah To love, yeah..

“Good night Katsuki.” You said quietly to him as you pulled away with misty (E/C) eyes as he glumly looked at you, cupping his cheeks to wipe the tears away from his red eyes.

“Good night (Y/N).” He said as calmly as possible, and refused to cry in front of you (again) as he watched you slowly walk away. The two of you shared a small wave before you turned away, inhaling and exhaling deeply as you walked away for good.

You and Bakugou would at least be friends, and that was good enough for both you and him, even if he did rush over to his room to sob into his bed afterwards now that he had officially lost you. 

He loved you, he still loved you...

You loved him too, you still loved him, but you needed to love yourself too. Even if it meant losing him.

And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us...

[starrynite7114]

New Rules

A/N: Good afternoon everyone! Hope you guys are enjoying your week thus far! Here I am, back with a request this time! I’m posting a Daddy Angel one after this then the fifth part of Misconstrued!

Requests are still open in case any of you want to make a request! 

I don’t know if u have listen to this song called New Rules by Dua lipa for angel?? But I was wondering if I can request something that has to do with that song for angel @briannab1234​

Hope you all enjoy this one! I’m kind of nervous this didn’t really match the song, but I still hope you all like it!

Masterlist

Tagged: @iambabyharry​ : @justahopelessssromantic​ : @briannab1234​ : @marvelmaree​ : @carlaangel86​ : @everyhowlmarksthedead​ : @trulysuccubus​ : @claytoncardenasbabymama​ : @ifoundmyhappythought​ : @chibsytelford​ : @whyisgmora​ : @jadert15​ : @gemini0410​ : @woahitslucyylu​

If you would like to be added to the ‘Everything’ tagged list, let me know!

Have you ever watched the person you love be fooled over and over again, by a person who obviously was never worth their time? Have you ever watched the person you love reason with themselves over and over again why this jackass was worth it? 

No? Well Angel has and it was one of the most painful things he had to go through.

Women fell to his feet, enticing women to go on a date with him or even be around him was not a struggle. His charms were his go to, but the bad boy aura surrounding him definitely helped his cause. 

Angel met you a few years back after Coco brought him to the tattoo shop you were working at to get a tattoo done. When Angel met you, he was immediately infatuated. He couldn’t stop flirting with you and while you flirted back, you made it clear to him that you didn’t date your clients. Angel wasn’t deterred and he kept trying, but you always let him down so nicely. Eventually, Angel realized his advances weren’t working, but that didn’t mean he gave up. He took the risk to befriend you, and like Coco warned, he was friend zoned. 

Imagine, being Angel Reyes, a well known pussy magnet be friend zoned by the one fucking girl he wanted? It was pathetic. To top it off, you confided in him about this guy you’ve been hung up on for a year and a half. He’s known you for three years and this was the first time he ever heard you so broken up over a guy.

He would be worried if the guy wasn’t a grade A douchebag.

“Mi Dulce, I don’t know why you waste your time on him.” Angel frowned as he watched you down the fourth shot of Vodka in the last forty-five minutes. 

“Good question, I don’t either.” He thought you looked so fucking cute with that tint of pink on your cheeks due to the alcohol in your body. You shrugged, giggling as you drank some of the beer Angel brought for you.

It was a routine at this point.

You were seeing this guy, Leo, for about six months before he broke it off. But instead of letting you go, he kept you on the side so when he needed his ego rubbed, he ran to you. It was usually in the middle of the night, he was intoxicated, and lonely. 

And Angel fucking hated that you ran to him every single time.

“You know his routine.” Angel took the Vodka bottle, placing it out of your sight.

“I know, I know.” You frowned, leaning back against your couch. Resting your head on Angel’s shoulder, you sighed. “You’re my strength, you know that. Best fucking friend ever.”

Best fucking friend ever.

It was such a hurtful thing to hear.

At times Angel wanted to laugh whenever you referred to him as such. No mistaking, you were his best friend, but he was also in love with you, watching you be played by some asshole was the worst thing. 

“If I’m your best friend, can you finally fucking listen to my advice?” It would be easy for Angel to kill the motherfucker, to make him disappear for hurting you, but he knew that would upset you.

“I’m trying!” You defended. “I’m not in love with the fucking guy.”

What a sigh of relief for Angel. 

“So why do you keep coming back?”

“I don’t know, he has good dick?” You laughed, Angel tried so hard to laugh, but he only mustered a cackle. You didn’t even mean that since this guy was less than stellar. “I don’t know, he was a good guy. Then I let him in and then boom. I couldn’t even resist him. Whenever he calls, I come, knowing that I’m a dumbass for even answering.”

“If you're not in love with him, why stick around?” He knew you were lying, you were in love with the guy. But you were trying to convince yourself that you weren’t. 

“Okay, maybe I am, but I’m trying hard to get over him. I need to put myself out there.” You loved being around Angel. Whenever you needed him, he came to your rescue, even when you didn’t, he was there. You came to realize then that Angel was your constant companion. “Thank you for always being here for me.”

“I would do anything for you.” 

Your phone began to vibrate on the table, Leo’s name popping up. 

Angel looked at you, ready to grab your hand if you even reached for your phone.

“Fuck you Leo,” you flipped off your phone.

Angel chuckled. “This is new.”

“You know that song New Rules?”

“May have heard it, why?”

“I’m making new rules for myself, whenever he fucking calls me, not even going to give it a second glance. When he tries to come and see me, I’m just going to turn him away because he can go get that other bitch to tattoo him. I’m not going to be his friend because you know what, he’s never treated me like his friend.” You were determined to follow these rules. 

Dua Lipa was going to give you strength. 

Fuck this guy.

Angel wanted to believe that this was it for you, but he was certain it wasn’t. You always get the strength to ignore this guy, but somehow, someway, he weasels his way back in.

==============

Two weeks, Angel watched for two weeks as you pulled yourself away from Leo and it was working. 

And it was all thanks to Angel.

You settled on Angel’s lap, his arm wrapped around your middle as you leaned on him. You’re not sure if it was the alcohol, the night, the weather or what, but Angel was looking good tonight. He was wearing that navy blue short sleeve button up, his cologne was fucking on point tonight. Holding a beer bottle in one hand, you both listened to Gilly as he told you about his latest escapades with this girl he was dating. 

“You know he’s lying.” Angel whispered in your ear, making the hair at the back of your neck rise. He was circling a finger on your thigh, laughing as Gilly made a joke.

You couldn’t even laugh, you were focused on Angel’s finger on your thigh.

“You okay Querida?” 

Nodding your head, you tried to focus on Gilly. You can’t be attracted to Angel. Well, you were, you weren’t fucking blind, Angel was a good looking guy, but you broke your rule of not dating clients with Leo, you’re definitely not going to break the rule of not dating friends with Angel.

But fuck did he smell good tonight.

Your phone vibrated on your lap. You flipped it over and you both saw Leo’s name on the screen. Angel looked as you flipped it back over and paid attention to Gilly again. He placed a kiss on your cheek, causing you to turn to him.

“What was that for?”

“I’m proud of you, you’re really trying to get rid of this asshole.”

“I told you I was.” You slightly moved and you could feel Angel’s hardened member on your thigh. You didn’t say anything, but Angel looked at you, pained by your sudden movement. You were certain he’s been trying to hide it. You couldn’t help, but wonder how it would be to be with Angel.

He always took such good care of you, and you weren’t even his girl.

But Angel had his pick of women. He wouldn’t go after you after seeing all the bullshit you went through with Leo. 

But you could definitely daydream about it.

==============

You were gathering your things, finishing an eight hour session was gratifying and also tolling. You had offered to break it up into two four hour appointments, but the girl insisted to have it all done today, which you didn’t mind. You heard Angel’s motorcycle roar as it came down the street. He could never really surprise you since his bike was a giveaway of his arrival.

It’s been three weeks since you started ignoring Leo and the calls were becoming more frequent, along with the text messages. So you weren’t surprised when you heard the shop door open and he walked in.

“Close for the day.” You automatically said without even looking up to see who was there.

“Glad to know you’re alive.” 

His voice used to do wonders to you, but now when you heard it, it just made you feel dirty. Not due to what you guys had, it was your choice every time you came to him, but now when it sunk in on how much you were doing for a guy you love and didn’t love you back? 

It sucked.

But the more you hung out with Angel, the more frustrated you were that let this asshole blind you.

“Yes, I am, what can I do for you Leo?” You felt the confidence surge within you. No more letting him back in just so you’re left all alone again. You were done with that. 

“What’s with the attitude? You’ve been ignoring me for three weeks and I came here to check on you and this is the reception I get?” Leo scoffed. He didn’t mean to be an ass, but he was worried about you.

“Attitude?” You chuckled. “There is no attitude, I’m just done with your shit.”

“My shit?” He laughed. “You always come back, you can just resist me for so long.”

“Well, why would she come back to an asshole with no game when she can be with me?” You heard Angel behind you, wrapping an arm around your middle. 

You immediately relaxed with Angel’s presence. You’re not sure what it was, but you’ve been more hyper aware of Angel. You found yourself watching him more often, craving his company and appreciating what a good looking man he was. You noticed just how good he made you feel, when compared to Leo who couldn’t even bother to bring you around his friends cause you weren’t his usual type.

That should have been a red flag, but you were blinded by lust.

You thought you love this guy, but you definitely didn’t.

Not after realizing how terribly he treated you.

You were the dark secret he had and you were done with that.

You had new rules and you were counting them.

No more late night calls.

No more letting him back in.

And you definitely were not his friend.

“Always knew you would become a biker bitch.” Leo immediately regretted his words, especially when he saw how Angel’s gaze darkened. “Y/N, I’m.”

“Save it for someone who cares. Rather be a biker bitch than be associated with your micro penis.” 

Angel laughed loudly behind you as Leo’s mouth gaped at her comment. He attempted to have a retort to you, but nothing came out.

“Fuck you,” was the only response he could come up with.

“No thanks, I’m good.” You replied as he walked out. 

Angel kissed your cheek, the temperature in your body always increased whenever his lips connected to any part of your skin, and you definitely can't ignore the butterflies in your stomach either.

“Proud of you mi Dulce.”

“You make this so hard.” Your growing attraction to Angel was not something you were used to. You always found him attractive, but it was different now.

You just made new rules for Leo. The last thing you wanted was to do the same to Angel. 

But Angel wouldn’t treat you like Leo.

Yet, you just couldn’t risk your friendship. 

“Make what hard?” Angel’s eyebrows furrowed at your statement, confused by exactly what you meant.

“You’re just so,” you groaned. “I don’t know, perfect? You make it so difficult to adhere to my rules.” 

“What?” Angel was confused at what you were implying. 

“You, just being.” What were you even trying to say? He was so perfect for you? That he was so good looking and that you were upset you even wasted your time on Leo? It didn’t escape you that Angel was interested in you at the beginning and you always rejected his advances since you always had a rule of not dating your clients and then he became your friend, you also didn’t date your friends. 

But rules were made to be broken and you broke it for Leo, why not break it for Angel.

After all, you have new rules now.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Angel felt his heart rate quickening, unsure of what to make of the situation. He was proud you told the douche off, but now, he was unsure of what was going on between you two.

The dynamics changed ever since you decided you were cutting Leo off. Angel noticed you were flirtier, more affectionate and just gave him so much more attention. For a fleeting moment, he thought maybe, just maybe you returned his affection, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself.

“Why do you have to be so good looking? So sweet? So nice? So perfect!” You exclaimed. “Don’t get big headed.” You warned him.

But it was too late.

The smile that spread across his face looked like victory. 

“You think I’m perfect mama?” Angel crossed his arms across his chest, that stupid smirk on his face. 

“I said don’t get big headed.” you playfully pushed him, the smirk grew bigger. 

“It’s okay baby girl, you know I think you’re perfect.” Angel took one of your hands, pulling you against him, burying his head at the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent. He placed a soft kiss on your neck before standing up straight, his eyes trained on yours. “You’ve had me going crazy for years baby, why not give me a chance how a real man should treat his woman.” 

“I don’t know Angel, what if we break up?”

“What if we don’t? Gotta take a risk sometimes baby, fuck your rules.” 

He knew you. You lived by your rules, you deviated when you gave Leo the time of day. 

But he was going to make new rules for you and he promised you would never regret it. 

“You’re such a troublemaker.”

Angel cupped your face. “Isn’t that what you like about me?” He leaned down, capturing your lips for the first time. You groaned at the contact, your body lighting up as he deepened the kiss. 

Oh boy.

Angel Reyes was trouble.

You did live by your rules. 

But for Angel, you’d break your rules and make new ones, as long as you can always have his lips against yours. 

[caffeinated-chaos-bean]

Mid-2021 Blog Update

Hey guys.

So... It’s been a while. Quite a while... and I want to lay some things out as to why I’ve been gone and the blog has practically been dead in the water for half a year, if not for a whole year. 

I want you to know that what I’m going to say will be in heavy detail. I’m comfortable speaking on it, and what information doesn’t just include me will be using either public details that I know I can share or will be put in a short and sweet manner.

This is your trigger warning: If you need to click off or scroll past due to the mention of extremely bad mental health, toxic relationships and households, the mention of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, please do so now.

. . .

First off, I’ve lessened the amount of time I’ve been online due to my mental health. I was put on antidepressants as well as told to take anti-anxiety gummies in November and will be weaned off of those starting this October. A lot of my family and relationship drama on top of the world practically shutting down and going into chaos thanks to COVID-19 just took a major toll on me. With so much on my shoulders, stress from living with said things on my shoulders, unsupportive family members, and an emotionally distant partner, I was at one of the lowest points in the life. I’d never had to be on mood-related medication in my life until last November. I’d always been able to handle what was thrown at me, but mid- to late-2020 was what knocked me down that low for the first time in my life. Suicidal thoughts came and went (they weren’t often, only when I couldn’t bottle my emotions up any longer but didn’t have a way to express them either), but even when they did, I knew that it was just in my head. I never once chose to act on them, because to me, that is not a way to solve a problem or escape your inner demons. All it does it put your personal suffering onto those around you -- your friends, family, and those who cared about you even when you don’t see it -- and it doesn’t do anyone any good. When my doctor asked me about suicide, that’s the very explanation I gave her. Yes, they happened, but I’d never act on them; it’s not a way out and it puts your pain onto others and only worsens the situation for the long-term.

Aside from that, though... I move on to other personal reasons for my absence that helped trigger what was mentioned above. Mid-August of 2019, my then fiancé's mother was murdered by two 17yr old boys of whom she and their family knew. Going off the information that was made public, one boy had mixed meth with marijuana prior to the killing. He claimed that my fiancé’s mother mouthed off and made a derogatory comment about his deceased mother, thus sparking the incident. While he claims to have only stabbed her once, the autopsy report shows that her head/face and upper torso were “hacked, slashed, and chopped” repeatedly with “various sharp, bladed objects”. Not only did they murder her, the two individuals also set the grass around her body on fire along with her home. When we found out about this having happened, I had no idea how bad it would have turned my relationship upside-down. My now ex-fiancé didn’t come from a great childhood, there was abuse and CPS, among other things. But he had managed and was a good person. He could make me laugh and tear up at his jokes, sang beautifully, and did everything to make those around him happy. When he lost his mom, it broke him. It shattered his very being, because not only did he know the two who caused it to happen, he also was unable to reconcile and make amends with his mother for what he went through as a child. He was robbed of being able to forgive and be on good terms with her, and it broke him. He stopped communicating with family, he took bereavement after being pulled from work by family the day it was confirmed to be his mother only to to fired 3 months down the line when he tried to go back (fuck Walmart for that btw), and was slowly becoming a hypochondriac. He stopped talking to me, he would cry in his sleep, and grief made him lash out as was expected. But as the days dragged on, his motivation and care towards finding a new job dwindled. He and my mother would fight endlessly and I was caught in the middle of it, as we all were in one household. There were times in which I would keep my phone on my leg and record for my own personal documentation should I need it due to how bad my own mother would belittle me, belittle my ex behind his back, and just scream and go off. When I’d turn to my ex for comfort, he wasn’t much help due to his own deteriorating mental health. He took to discord, specifically the Vampire the Masquerade community, as his escape from reality. He eventually would hardly talk to me at all, show no compassion, and at times I tried to speak with him about getting a new job or suggesting part-time ones that I felt would be easy and as stress-free as possible for him, I would be shooed away without a word; if I tried to further my attempt to have the conversation, he eventually got an attitude and would just say “Bye!” over and over again while shooing with his hand to get me to leave. There were many days where I’d get off work and sit in the bathroom for an hour and cry because of my frustration and how I felt stuck between two people I cared about deeply (ie. my ex and my mother).

My ex has since moved out and no longer lived with us. He and I are no longer together, and he has cut off all communication to me along with his family. He isn’t living in California anymore, really. He met up with discord friends and is in another state. That’s the last I heard from him. That’s the last his family heard. He doesn’t talk to us or attempt to reach out or respond when his family reaches out. I still very much care about him and want him to get better, but if he has to do so by being away from everyone, then so be it.

While I was letting - or shutting out, rather - the emotions I was feeling once he officially moved out, I relapsed with my anxiety tick; with my trichotillomania. I have a good number of smaller, thinned out spots in my hair from unconsciously pulling out strands of hair when my emotions didn’t know how to regulate. I’m still fighting to get this under control, as I do still catch myself doing it and so does my mother. It currently is not as bad as when my ex first moved out and I had to adjust back into sleeping alone and without someone next to me, but I do still pull. I am looking into trying to get my sister to order me a HabbitAware bracelet for me this Christmas in order to help get my tick back under control. I know its something I will live with forever and go in and out of doing, as there is no cure or medication to curb trichotillomania, but its something to help me be more aware of how often I do pull and to train it to no longer be a muscle memory response.

Most recently, I’ve had to stop taking melatonin. I’ve had bouts of insomnia since my ex left, and eventually I took enough melatonin to not only build an immunity to it but also a slight dependence. I was taking more than I should have been, and I noticed the signs of it and have stopped taking melatonin altogether. Due to this, I have switched to hempseed oil gummies. I take 2 before bed and they have helped wonderfully. But, due to how easy it was for me to become dependent on melatonin, I do plan to take brief breaks from the gummies to avoid a similar situation. I also do not plan on seeking an insomnia medication due to the same reasons. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I knew i was becoming addicted, and due to this I do not wish to risk it happening with a prescription sleep medication. I will deal with my bouts of insomnia as they come.

I also am conquering my insecurities towards others knowing I am a fan of Michael Jackson; a moonwalker. In elementary school (5th grade, 2009), I went through a heavy obsessive phase when he passed. I’d never heard of him, and when I listened to his music that firs time I was instantly hooked. I was ridiculed at school after I performed “Thriller” during a talent show; I had classmates going as far as saying that I must want him to kidnap and r*pe me if I enjoyed his music so much. I didn’t understand the gravity of those comments back then the way that I do now that I’m 23, but I still knew to an extent that what they were saying was in now way a good thing. I shut out his music from mid-6th grade all the way until this year. I hadn’t listened to a single song aside from hearing “Thriller” on the radio during October. For my birthday this year, I had a friend take me out of town and get away for a day. The entire time, she surprised me by playing hours of his music when in the car with her. It has since reopened that connection to his music and I’ve been listening to his songs with a fresh take, with the mind of an adult who can comprehend his words and understand finally what he’s saying for each song. As such, I’ve become more comfortable with others knowing I’m a moonwalker. You can have your opininos of the man, you can choose to believe the tabloids and junk media or make your own conclusions after assessing the details and documents of his life, but I will enjoy the same freedom of opinion.

I know this is getting pretty long, but I wanted to fill those who still might be checking up on this blog for any sort of update or spec of life coming from it in on what’s practically killed the blogs for a good chunk of time.

I do plan to slowly start doing stuff again after Halloween. I have a video made that I plan to post for Halloween and I look forward to letting Kikumi and the others be open for asks again. Until then, may the wind guide you all. I hope everyone can have a safe and wonderful rest of August. I will see you in October.

[thiswasinevitableid]

PSL (OT4)

Prompt for the 14th was: Pumpkin.  The OT4, for new folks, is Barclay, Stern, Indrid, and Duck (every is dating except Duck and Barclay, who are metamors). This prompt could also be called “the silly things we sometimes do for love”

Stern absentmindedly taps the steering wheel as the last cars trickle from the visitor center parking lot. The last song before he dropped back into the NRQZ was “Bad Moon Rising” and so that’s what he taps in time to. The lights in the building can't go out soon enough. 

He’d only been in D.C  week, had skyped the others every night, but the sensation of missing them was so strong. It’s the trade-off, he supposes, for knowing there were three people waiting for him instead of the none he’d grown accustomed to. 

Even with the LAN, the signal on the Kepler end was too weak to show video most of the time, so he lay on the hotel bed, basking in their voices. Barcaly’s voice makes him feel safe the way a well-built house and a warm drink on a stormy night make him feel safe. Indrid’s is like something from  drem, familiar and alien all at once.

The car door swings open, letting in a burst of fall air. 

“Hey, darlin.” 

Duck’s voice makes him feel sixteen again. He never had a highschool sweetheart, but that drawl feels like it’s coming in through the open window in the summer air, promising something wonderful if he climbs outside.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

And then there’s him, sounding like a dork. But Duck just smiles.

“You have  an okay drive?”

“It’s been worse, and at least this time I drove past the city limit sign knowing where Bigfoot is.”

“In your room pinin after you?”

“I hope not.” Stern lies, blushes a little at the image. 

Duck moves to put his water bottle in the center cupholder, picks up the starbucks cup sitting there, and makes a face when he finds it mostly full.

“You feein okay? Don’t think I ever seen you leave coffee long enough to get cold.” Duck sniffs, nods in understanding, “uhuh, I see, not a fan of the old pumpkin spice?”

“No. I buy one every year, and every year it’s the same thing.”

“So...why keep buyin it?”

“Because it’s so popular and yet I don’t like it. It’s so frustrating, I feel like I’m missing something! And now I basically have this weird ritual where I buy one just to see if this is the year I finally taste what everyone else does.” He tosses a sideways glare at the cup, “I have to be missing something.”

Duck giggles as they turn down the street to his apartment, “Missed you a hell of a lot, city mouse.”

“Do you think Indrid will mind if I don’t come up? I’m ready to collapse, and his sleep schedule is so weird anyway-”

“Think you don’t gotta worry about it.’

Sitting on the foot of the outdoor staircase is tall figured bundled in sweaters. Once they’re parked, Duck leans over and turns Sterns face towards him, kissing him while running his hand along his leg. 

The passenger car door clicks open and Indrid’s hand appears. Duck takes it, winking once before leaving the car. There’s the sound of another kiss, and then Indrid bends down , bracing awkwardly on the seat, purring as he looks at Stern. 

“Hello, pet. I missed you.” 

“I missed you too.” Stern leans in without being told to, Indrid chuckling lightly before kissing him. 

“And yes,” Indrid says as he pulls back, “that surprise you’re thinking of will work nicely.”

With that, he’s out of the car in a rustle of fabric. 

------------------

His plan to surprise Barclay by waiting in the Sylphs room until he gets off shift does indeed go well. He gets fucked into the bedspread and cums with Barclays head between his legs, and that's not even the best part. 

Barclay is so happy when he sees him, clings to him afterwards, trails after him like a faithful dog as he puts his things away. They started sharing the room after the almost end of the world, partly because it’s further from everyone elses and thus they run less risk of being heard (Sterns love of letting Barclay know how well he’s taking care of him in bed stops just shy of letting everyone else know). It also acted as a sign that Stern meant to stay, somehow reassuring Barclay of that fact more than the agent’s own permanent assignment over the gate did. 

He’s never told Barclay the truth, which is that if it had come down to staying in Kepler or leaving the FBI, he’d have turned in his badge in an instant. Barclay alone is reason enough for that, and when you added Duck and Indrid into the mix, how could he be anywhere else?

Then again, maybe Barclay has guessed as much after Stern willingly dragged his boss into a closet to help them save the world. 

It scares him, knowing he might have put so much of his ambition aside to stay here. But it thrills him too. 

Right now, it seems deeply worthwhile; he’s laying on the couch, legs in Duck's lap, doing a crossword while the other man reads. The Sylphs are on the floor, Indrid using his claws to scratch and groom Barclays fur. They’re talking quietly to each other in what Stern now recognizes as High Sylph, Barclay letting our rumbling purrs as they do. 

Then he opens his eyes, looks at Stern, “No way. Babe, you don’t like pumpkin spice?”

Stern looks at Duck, confused. The ranger shrugs, “I told ‘Drid about it.”

“Just the lattes. I like pumpkin in other things.”

“I am the one who hates pumpkin in all forms.” Indrid says, handing Barclay his bracelet. 

“Hold up, not even pumpkin pie?” Duck sets his book down.

Indrid shakes his head. 

“But it’s a classic!”

“It is a trap. Pie is supposed to be sweet, not vegetal. And do not get me started on the wretched gourds themselves.”

“Do they make you sick?” Stern is already making a mental note to steer the Sylph clear of the bins of them by the Kroger.

“No. They resemble a fruit on Sylvain that is commonly grown near where I grew up. That fruit tastes sweet, like a melon. Not like horrid pulp.”

“Hmm, I wonder if seeds from one got through the gate and created the other.”

“Had to be the pumpkins goin to Sylvain, pumpkins have been growin in the americas for a long time.” Duck adds, then sighs, “can't believe I’m datin a fella who hates pumpkin pie. My mom made the best version in the world. Wonder if I can make it…”

“My sweet, I doubt even you are capable of as impressive a feat as making pumpkin pie not repulsive. But if you want to try, I will not stop you. Just go easy on the ginger, I am not fond of that either.”

“Indrid please, you’re breaking my culinary heart.” Barclay pouts. 

Indrid licks his cheek, “You will survive, sunburst. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go check some futures. Joseph, you have a phone call.”

Stern stands, already moving down the hall  by the time the phone rings. Dating the mothman has some benefits. 

-----------------------

Barclay watches them go, rubbing his beard, then looks over at Duck with an unusually mischievous glint in his eye.

“Up for a friendly bet?”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Bet I can make Joseph a Pumpkin Spice Latte he likes before you can make Indrid a pumpkin pie he'll eat.”

“What are we bettin?”

Barclay smirks, “assuming those two are up for it? Winner gets to be on the bed, loser gets tied up and has to watch.”

“You’re on.”

------------------------

Barclay carefully measures spices into simple syrup, Joseph watching him with his usual curiosity from a stool by one of the prep stations. 

“You know you don’t have to go to all this trouble right? I’m happy to keep doing my nonsensical fall ritual.”

“Know you love you patterns babe, but I love a challenge. Once managed to recreate Dani’s favorite dessert from back home out of apples, peanut butter, and marshmallow fluff with a red licorice reduction.”

He glances over his shoulder to see his boyfriend making a horrified face. 

“She still asks for it for her birthday. Or she did, I assume she can get the real deal now,”

Returning to his whisking sends bursts of cardamom and ginger into the ir. He inhales, content, just as the music coming from Sterns phone quiets. 

“You’re also looking for a distraction.”

Damn FBI training. 

“What makes you say that, agent?”

“Your posture, tone, and the fact you keep changing the subject.” There’s a sharp sound of leather soles on tiles as Stern hops of the stool. Then he’s in Barlcay’s periphery, leaning back against the counter, sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up, “It’s alright if you don’t want to talk about it. But if it’s something to do with me, please tell me.”

“No” he turns off the burner, sets the syrup side to cool, “not even  little, babe. I, uh, my first memory of fall on earth was getting exiled.”

“Oh, oh Barclay I had no idea.” Stern pivots, rests a hand on his hip.

“No one but Mama really does. It just means that all the stuff people like about fall; the leaves changing,getting to bundle up, building the first fire of the year, even the food...I still get this miserable feeling. Even though I’ve had lots of good stuff happen in the fall since then I find myself knowing what I was missing all those years. That was one of my favorite times of year on Sylvain that feeling. Having projects makes it easier to ignore.” When he turns his head his gaze is on the ground, “sorry, don’t mean to make things heavy when we’re just doing a goofy bet.”

Stern tugs him away from the stove, rests a hnd on each bearded cheek, “Thank you for telling me, Barclay. I’m sorry, I can't imagine how that felt, and if you ever want to talk about it...well, actually, Indrid might be the better person, but I’ll do my best. And,” he guides Barclay’s face up so he’s looking into brown eyes, stroking his cheek to coax out a smile, “I’m happy to be a distraction whenever you need me to.”

--------------------------------------

“Oh of course, how could I have missed that?” Indrid whacks his head into his notebook as Stern mentions his conversation with Brcly, “He told me once when in the year he was exiled, but I never put together what that corresponded to. I wish there was something I could do.”

“Me too. For now I’m taking him at his word that the bet is enough of a distraction.”

“Wise. Speaking of which; any luck, my love?”

“Nope!” Duck’s voice comes down from Janes attic. His sister is mostly sure their mom’s pumpkin pie recipe is somewhere in the boes up there, so Duck used his spare key to get into the house. 

“How’s the ltte?” Indrid dips his head to indicate the travel mug in Stern’s hnd. 

“I still don’t see what the fuss is. Barclay even used my favorite blend as the base.” 

Indrid looks down t his own mug, “do you want some of my white chocolate- oh dear”

“Ahfuck! Uh, ‘Drid, Joe? Can, uh, can one of you move the ladder back? Because I just kicked it.” Duck’s legs are dangling from the attic door, the stepladder on it’s side on the floor. Before Stern can grab it, two chitinous, slightly velvety arms paper.

“Just let go.”

Duck obeys, dropping into the mothman’s waiting arms. 

“Thanks, sugar.”

“You are welcome. Since you are about to say you did not find it, how bout lunch.”

“Sounds good. You comin, Joe.”

“Of course.”

‘...’Drid, you gonna put me down?’

“.......I haven't decided yet.”

-----------------------------

“Okay, this one has condensed milk, less ginger, and a hint of caramel.”

“Mmm. Hmmm, no I mean, it’s not bad but it’s still not trendsetting.”

“Dang.”

---------------------------------

“Jesus, why’d they keep all this stuff? These are report cards from first grade!”

“What is there to grade at that age?”

“Behavior, mostly. Huh, here are some cookbooks, maybe mom put that recipe in here.”

“While you search, I shall amuse myself with this box of photographs--you never told me you played trombone. Or had frosted tips.”

“That was one time in college, and gimme that box, you fuzzy menace.”

“Only if you come and get it, little human.”

---------------------------------

“This one is salted caramel, pumpkin, spices, and vanilla infused heavy cream.”

“Nope, still not revelatory.”

“Grrrrr.”

“Was that directed at me or the latte?”

“The latte, but if you feel like being a little late for your meeting with agent Steele I can growl over you some right now.”

----------------------------------

“...Thanks, Aunt Alice. Uhhuh, yep, talk with you soon.”

“No help from the extended family, I take it?”

“Nope. Just questions about when I’m gonna get married.”

“Oh dear.”

---------------------------------------------------

Stern sips from his Flathead Lake travel mug, the one where a monster becomes visible when warm liquid is poured in. 

“Oh my lord, Barclay, this is incredible! You’ve done it, I want to drink this everyday.” He sips as fast as his tongue will allow as his boyfriend rumbles out a laugh. 

“Well, yes and no. I did make that, but it’s not  pumpkin spice. It’s dirty chai with fall-spiced caramel syrup.”

“It’s amazing. I love you so much.”

Barclay laughs louder, reaches across the center console to squeeze his hand, “Love you too, babe. More I thought about it, more I figured you're a man of very, uh, particular tastes sometimes, and if you don’t like pumpkin lattes, you don’t like them. I’d rather spend my time making something I know you’ll love, rather than trying to make your tastes match everyone else's. I mean, I kinda benefit from your having weird taste. Um, so to speak.” He pulls up to the apartment, and as soon as the car stops Stern pulls him into a kiss. 

“Thank you, Barclay. I, um, no one’s ever gone to all that effort just to try and help me understand why people like something.”

“Any time, agent.”

Stern pulls his phone out, “I have something for you too.” 

Barclay reads the image of an email he saved, “You’re taking time off?”

“Yes. I, um, I was thinking we could go to Sylvain during it. I can't give you back all the things you missed being gone. But I thought maybe I could give you the chance to start making up for lost time. I love fall on earth; I want to learn how to love it on Sylvain too, with you as my guide. I want to do what I can so it isn’t a bittersweet time of year anymore.”

The larger man looks like he might cry, but Stern doesn’t get long to examine it, since he’s crushed in a hug. 

“Thank you, babe, thank you so fucking much. I, I’ve been kinda nervous to try and go back for things but I felt silly for being scared and I didn’t know how to ask and just...thank you.” He sniffles, pulls back with a watery smile, “Now c’mon, let’s go up. From the smell of it, Duck made pie.”

The apartment smells like the platonic ideal of fall, and Duck, streak of flour on his cheek, is putting the finishing whip cream touch on a pumpkin pie.”

“Where did you finally find the recipe?”

“In a book buried at the back of my closet, full of moms advice for when I got my own place. Haven't looked at it in close to two decades, and Winnie shredded the top cover, but the recipe was there alright.”

“Gotta admit, I’m impressed. That looks real fucking professional Duck.”

“Thanks man.” The ranger grins, cuts a slice and places it in front of Indrid (happily bundled in one of Barclay’s orange and grey flannels). The Sylph takes a forkful, scrutinizing it for a moment. Takes a bite, and chirps as he chews.

“Good?”

Wordlessly, Indrid stands, removes his glasses, and picks up the pie dish. 

“If anyone needs me, the pie and I will be in the bedroom.”

“HAH!” Duck whoops triumphantly.

“Hey, hold on, I gotta try this to see what the secret is” Barclay takes off down the hall after him.

“No, mine, AH! Unhand me, I am the court seer.”

Duck flops against Stern as he doubles over, laughing. 

“Fine, I gotta try it sir.” Barclays voice dips lower, and Stern sees him shift into his Sylph form. 

“Don’t try to sweet talk me, this pie is mineOHgoodness, put me down.”

“Wanna know the secret?” The ranger says between giggles. 

“Please.”

“I tripled the amount of sugar it called for.”

“Good thinking, ranger Newton.” Stern kisses him, “care to help me arbitrate a cryptid fight?”

Duck grins at him, love in every line of his face as laughter rings down the hallway, “lead the way, darlin.”

[nygmobblepot-trash]

S1 of gotham.

Jesus Ed is creepy as hell. Did I just gloss over that before? Like I remember honestly being mad that Kristen didn't go for Ed earlier and treated him "badly". She tried so hard to be nice while he never left her alone. Ed i understand you struggle with people skills, but you seriously need to chill. It's one thing to be made fun of because you have to spout riddles every second, but it's another to bother your coworker after she has told you countless times she is uncomfortable.

Also speaking of Ed why didn't they just give Ed the position of medical examiner or hell make him a detective. Clearly education doesn't matter because he gets the job of ME later. He's clearly very smart and solves most of the cases for Harvey and Gordon.

I also forgot how cunning Oswald is and how hard he plays everyone is Gotham. Which of course makes his decisions in s3 that more stupid but we'll get there... heavily intoxicated though.

Honestly love the dynamic of Jim and Harvey. Someone beaten and tired from the system vs someone who can think they can make a difference and save everyone.

Fish and Butch are great too. Liza didn't deserve what happened to her.

Alfred is a huge catalyst for Bruce. He's so chaotic and I love it. You want to investigate yourself? Cool. Fuck the police. Oh and if you find the dude I'll kill him for you. Also I might as well teach you how the beat the living shit out of everyone. No pussies in this house.

Also why is Selina so god damn angry all the time. Yeah I get that Bruce has no clue about the real world but he tries. He proves himself by living on the streets with her. He also doesn't get mad when she steals his shit. He actually cares for her and has never done anything to actually hurt her. He risked himself to save her countless times. Yeah he wants to know who killed his parents but he also cares about her. He proves he isn't manipulating her. Someone please help the small child.

Honestly wtf is up with babs? Like they gave her nothing to do except be rich and want to know what Jim does at work. They only gave her a personality after they made her crazy. Well not really but thats for s2.

Lee has more of a personality but falls for Jim in like .2 seconds. Which I guess happens the real world but whatever. She of course doesn't like how Jimmy walks the line. But it's gotham and you can't get shit done without being morally gray from time to time. Actually sorry I'm going back. Can anyone name one thing Lee likes? Any hobbies she has? Harvey like to drink. Gordon is always in work mode. Ed nurses stray birds back to health. Oswald takes care of his mother. Babs goes to parties alone and worries about Jim all day. Bruce does a lot of different things. What about Lee? Fuck maybe Lee was a step back. Bab just got less screen time.

Speaking of nursing birds back to life, let's talk about the totally straight friendship of ed and Oswald. Now this is me sort of jumping ahead... if the writers didn't want the relationship why did they write them like this? Honest to whatever God you pick, what the actual fuck were they thinking? Ed literally had to pick up Oswald and take him back to his place. Sow up any wounds. Probably wash him too. AND find him clothes. Look Oswald wouldn't fit into Ed's clothes. No way. Ed is a tall boy. Thus the conclusion is he had to figure out the bird's size and buy him clothes. Then this boy goes above and beyond to not only heal this angry man's body but his heart too. Why go through all that trouble? Hell he even told Oswald about the very bad thing he did.

FUCK side tangent. Kristen did not deserve what happened to her. They were so cute together too. I do honestly wish she wouldn't have reacted that way to hearing what happened to her ex. Ed was honestly just trying to help her. I'm not saying that she would have every right to get the fuck out of there or question if that was Ed's real motive. It's ironic though. Ed killed a man because he feared he would continue to hurt her or kill her. He ended up killing her on purpose to save himself. I do wonder if he allowed Kristen to leave if she would rethink he stance and either go back to him or just not report it and stay away from Ed. It would also be interesting to see how Gordon and Harvey would react. Killing Offer dorty (idc how to spell it) could be morally gray. Anyways Ed's a jackass.

Where were we? Oh yeah. So does Ed have multiple beds? Like we know he doesn't have friends so why would he pay for a two bedroom apartment? So I have to know did Oswald force him to sleep on the floor? Remember guys they're not gay for each other or anything. They just bonded and worked though some shit together and sang a song together. Sure if it was Gordon and any chick they would've fucked immediately but thats not the point. They're friends. You know how Harvey nursed Jim back to health and helped Jim continue being a detective? Also during that period they'd gaze into each other's eyes for a painful amount of time. Not to mention the part where Harvey bathed and gave Jim new clothes. Exactly like that. What that never happened? Why, because it may imply they aren't just good buddies?

Also why wasn't Ed involved in the final fight? I'd be funny if he was back up and showed up and saved them. Or was he there in the back taking notes minding his own business?

[lovehotelreservation]

Play Me Again

Summary: It was your dream realized. Your voice on the radio, top billing on countless music festival line-ups, a sea of people singing your lyrics. You did all you could to make this wish a reality.

Even at the expense of the success of the very musicians who served as your back-up band.

A hushed secret that they would never make you forget. Band AU

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Reader/Mad Burnish (Lio, Gueira, Meis)

DO U EVER JUST WATCH CHARLI XCX'S SNL PERFORMANCE OF "BOOM CLAP" AND SUDDENLY HEAR "MAHARI YUWARE" IN THE BACK OF UR HEAD

BECAUSE I DID AND NOW THIS PIECE IS HERE

TY I HOPE U ENJOY

----------------

The stage was where a musician’s soul was meant to be bared.

And certainly, there was no better place to perform than at 4Fest, the premiere summer music festival hosted by the renowned Foresight Records, the record label owned by--and named for--acclaimed entrepreneur Kray Foresight. The legacy he built as a prominent pop music producer made him a renowned name across the world, countless smash hit singles and awards under his belt. It wasn’t long until he had the idea to start up his own record label, in addition to making investments in prosperous tech start-ups and becoming a brand ambassador to a multitude of luxury brands.

And given that he was the man who scouted you out, helped elevate you from your origin as a struggling musician, and ultimately made your dream career a reality, you knew you had to go all out for this performance.

Especially since you knew he was watching you from some lounge reserved for only the elites in the music industry and beyond.

After all, with the specially tailored dress meant for you alone delivered to your hotel room the night before, you knew he would be watching.

Much like how your back-up band kept their gaze on you throughout your set.

To your fans and the mainstream audience, your back-up band was just scenery.

To the underground indie rock scene, however, the trio were known as Mad Burnish.

Lio as the lead singer and guitarist, Meis on bass, and Gueira on drums.

For the longest time--ever since they were signed to Foresight Records--their mainstream debut album had been long in wait. Interviews and updates about the project ceased around the time you were suddenly on the forefront of new music trends--up until Lio announced on the band’s social media that they were taking a break from production on the album to instead expand their creative horizons by helping you--their fellow labelmate--as your touring band.

The update was meant to calm fans even as Lio’s blood was boiling the moment he sat down to type.

By the contract enforced by Kray, it was either be your ghostwriters and touring band, or risk getting blacklisted from the industry--both mainstream and indie.

The shadowy side of the music business.

Ultimately, you found yourself complicit when Mad Burnish’s debut single was published under your name instead.

Aghast as you were, you didn’t dare push back much or question Kray's decision.

Lio, Meis, and Gueira would never let you forget that.

Here, on the stage in front of thousands of attendees, you opened yourself up with each song you performed.

In interviews and posts online, you always expressed wanting to be open through your music.

But surely, there were some things you couldn’t reveal.

Gueira’s eyes were trained on your ass as his hands slammed his drumsticks down in a pulsing rhythm.

Would you ever let your fans know how he had you squealing that you were a slut for his cum while he was fucking your ass just a few days ago?

Meis looked to be as stoic as ever as his calloused fingers plucked at the strings of his bass, seemingly showing no reaction when you slinked up behind him for an embrace before swaying with him to the music.

It wasn’t likely that you would reveal how often Meis would punish you for your teasing antics during performances with hearty spanks to your ass and stuffing your mouth with his cock.

Passionate as his guitar stylings were, Lio made it look so easy as he played, his voice soon harmonizing with yours for the chorus of the very song that was supposed to catapult Mad Burnish to greater heights.

That bastard Foresight, that annoying loud-mouthed glorified groupie of yours who always showed up to any of your concerts--convenient since he was an EMT who worked festivals often--no matter who was around, you simply belonged to him.

A hateful love, a vengeful possessiveness, he wasn’t sure how to best describe how he felt towards you. But given how, during the recording of your album, he had admonished you for screwing up the melodies that had been meant for his voice by viciously fucking you in the recording booth--how he never allowed a day to go by without somehow reminding you that you compliantly took everything from him, Meis, and Gueira and that you would amend somehow--he wasn’t leaving your life anytime soon.

”Thank you, 4Fest! This was such an honor! I hope you enjoy this last song of mine!”

Gueira, Meis, and Lio all gazed at you.

Would the crowd ever know that on this very stage during the last soundcheck of the day, your mouth had been stuffed full of Gueira’s cock while you were made to take the long length of Meis’s dick in your ass, and the fierce grip of Lio’s hands on your hips had you meeting every single one of his ferocious thrusts?

Most likely never, but that wasn’t going to stop them from showing their ownership of you.

After all, here on the stage, you belonged to the crowd.

Anywhere and everywhere else, you belonged to them.

You should have been aware of this.

And thus was it said wordlessly to you upon the end of your set, expressed by the narrowed look in each man’s eyes before their expressions softened and brightened in the face of a photo op of you all together on the stage.

Since you were finished performing for the day, you were expected to meet with Kray soon, but you had time to spare beforehand.

Or at least, time was made on your schedule as you found yourself hurriedly ushered backstage to your reserved dressing room before you could be approached by Kray’s personal assistant, Biar.

”So, who was this outfit worn for again?”

The dressing room temperature was set at a cool level meant to help artists ease from their post-show energy--nothing too frigid.

But you couldn’t stop shivering.

Certainly, with how much skin your dress was exposing--a tie up front top that offered an ample view of your cleavage and a hem that just barely covered the curve of your ass--you had reason to be cold. But having just performed on the mainstage in front of hundreds of festival attendees on one of the hottest afternoons of the year thus far, you had every reason to still be warm.

And yet you continued to shiver nonetheless.

Because you could never get used to the piercing stare of fuschia eyes and the assertive touch of soft, nimble fingers that somehow resisted callouses despite years of strumming the guitar.

Even watching you tremble before him, Lio stood before you, emanating an authoritative aura that demanded your subjugation, despite your respective roles from his place as your backup guitarist to your position as lead singer.

A title that he once claimed.

That had now since been ripped away to be placed into your hands.

However, two others still firmly believed in and asserted Lio's original authority.

The small but pointed tip of a drumstick nudged against the front of your dress, dragging down to rub over your core through your clothes.

”’Ey--Boss wants an answer, sweetheart.”

You knew you couldn’t dare to break eye contact with Lio. But even without having to look down, you still knew Gueira was crouched before you, probably twirling a drumstick in hand while continuing to tease you with the other, all the while a big and broad grin was stretched across his mouth.

Feeling the prod of his drumstick through the flimsy but expensive material of your dress had your legs trembling, your knees weakening in response. Though, even if Gueira was to bring you to orgasm just by the expert handling of his drumsticks, you wouldn’t be falling to the ground in pleasure any time soon.

Not while the firm grip of Meis’s fingers--calloused, unlike Lio's, from over a decade of playing bass--maintained their ironclad hold on your wrists, keeping your arms raised up in the air. Though he typically carried himself quietly and utterly composed--whether during shows or on stage--you were more than familiar with how aggressive he could get in bed.

”Did you think we were going to let you go to him so quickly?”

Lio's voice was so low and dangerous in tone.

You noticed he didn’t mention Kray by name--a term that was practically forbidden to utter around the three.

But especially by Lio, who reached forward to delicately grasp your jaw, only for his grip to abruptly turn firm, the look in his eyes demanding an answer.

Hesitance was only going to worsen your ability to walk straight later on in the day.

Still holding his gaze with your own, you had yourself meekly remark,

”I wore this for you.”

Gueira smirked, as did Meis.

The serious look on Lio’s face did not ease in the slightest, but he let out an affirming scoff before planting his lips onto yours, dragging you into a kiss, with Gueira and Meis further sinking you into depravity as their hands began to tug and pull on your clothes.

You were going to go to Kray eventually.

You were probably going to link up with that groupie at some point this weekend.

But never were you going to leave them.

Even when the bindings of your contract with the band expired, you would forever belong to them.

[lesdemonium]

The Closest We’ll Ever Be

Rating: E Ship: Geralt/Jaskier Words: 2692 (Nice) Summary: Though Jaskier knew he was persuasive, he did not truly believe the witcher would allow him to continue trailing him after their meeting with Filavandrel. He definitely wasn't expecting their mutual restless energy after a long day to culminate in a tryst in the forest. Jaskier tried, he really did, but the day had left him with too much restless energy. He shifted on the log they were sitting on every few seconds, bumping into Geralt as he did so, he bounced his leg so quickly it was almost manic, he tried to find some way of burning this energy without speaking, but it was so often his solace he didn’t know what else to turn to. Geralt, however, seemed tense. His shoulders were rigid and now that Jaskier thought about it, he didn’t think he had seen or felt the witcher move in maybe an hour. That was, until Geralt’s hand thrust out and gripped Jaskier’s leg, pinning it down. Jaskier turned to look at Geralt and their eyes met, and finally, Jaskier could see the same restless energy reflected in Geralt’s eyes. AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23590909

Jaskier was, quite honestly, shocked that Geralt was accepting his continued company on the trek back from Filavandrel’s mountains. His half-hearted “This is where we part, bard,” hadn’t done much to deter Jaskier from continuing on with the witcher, but he had assumed there would be a bit more fight to him. They made their way along the trail, avoiding Posada and any unwanted questions. Geralt was as quiet as Jaskier was starting to assume he always was, and Jaskier focused on the song he would write rather than the way his entire world and knowledge of humans had been turned upside down.

He didn’t want to think about what he had learned about the elves’ poor treatment, so he focused on what he did best: writing songs. And this one, he knew, was going to be amazing. And Filavandrel’s lute was a sight and sound to behold.

So he was shocked that Geralt was allowing Jaskier to stay, but he wasn’t about to call off whatever magic had occurred by speaking it into existence, so instead he followed him as the witcher rode and braced himself for a night of camping. It wasn’t ideal, Jaskier much preferred his little luxuries, but it hadn’t been the first time he had roughed it, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Though, his roughing it days might be fewer and far between if the song continued to flow as well as it had been thus far. He had a hit on his hands, and he knew it.

After a long day of traveling and writing, Jaskier was pretty sure his blisters had blisters, and his footwear, while very fashionable, might not have been the best choice for taking up adventuring. Finally, as the sun was getting low on the horizon, they had made it to a forested-enough area that Geralt seemed to deem it worthy and they pulled to a stop.

“Jaskier,” Geralt finally said, though he did not look up from the campfire he was staring at.

Jaskier stopped strumming on his lute and humming as he looked up at the witcher. Without his own noise, the forest felt almost empty, despite the crackle of the fire and the crickets chirping in the distance. It was a sound, or lack thereof, that made Jaskier distinctly uncomfortable, but Geralt looked as if he might be at the end of his rope with Jaskier’s composing, so he took a moment of pity on the man and put down the lute.

“Alright, alright, I will save my genius for another day,” Jaskier conceded, nodding at Geralt, who only rolled his eyes in response.

And Jaskier tried, he really did, but the day had left him with too much restless energy. He shifted on the log they were sitting on every few seconds, bumping into Geralt as he did so, he bounced his leg so quickly it was almost manic, he tried to find some way of burning this energy without speaking, but it was so often his solace he didn’t know what else to turn to.

Geralt, however, seemed tense. His shoulders were rigid and now that Jaskier thought about it, he didn’t think he had seen or felt the witcher move in maybe an hour. That was, until Geralt’s hand thrust out and gripped Jaskier’s leg, pinning it. Jaskier turned to look at Geralt and their eyes met, and finally, Jaskier could see the same restless energy reflected in Geralt’s eyes.

It was fast. So fast, Jaskier wasn’t even sure who had initiated it, but suddenly his mouth was slotting against Geralt’s in a bruising, keyed up kiss.

Jaskier didn’t know what to do with his hands, everywhere felt too hard and too sharp, and he was certain cutting himself would distract them both from what he suddenly felt was a very, very important turn of events. Finally, he found a safe enough place on Geralt’s sides, just in time for Geralt to nudge him off the log and onto the ground. Geralt braced himself on either side of Jaskier and hovered over Jaskier, their hips flush against each other. Jaskier’s cock was rising to action, slowly, and he could tell from the growing stiffness in Geralt’s trousers that the other man was not far behind.

“Gods, Geralt,” Jaskier whispered, probably the quietest he’s ever been, but something about this moment felt like it deserved reverence. Or, maybe he was just trying to be poetic; he had been known to do this. There was nothing particularly romantic about the way Geralt was tugging open Jaskier’s doublet or pulling his undershirt out of his trousers, and the way he was now sucking a mark into Jaskier’s collarbone was nothing short of sinful, but Jaskier couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help that this man made him want to write songs about all of his exploits, preferably if they involved Jaskier.

Jaskier’s fingers threaded in Geralt’s hair as he allowed Geralt to work, though it was with considerable hesitation that he pulled them out to lift his hips up to assist Geralt in removing his trousers. His eyes were piercing, somehow almost brighter than usual in his lust, and Jaskier hated to call any behavior of Geralt’s animalistic, but he looked as if he wanted to devour Jaskier.

A shiver ran through Jaskier’s body at the thought, and Geralt--bless him--must have perceived this as a chill from his lack of clothes, because once he removed Jaskier’s pants, he reached for his bedroll. It was an awkward thing, trying to get the bedroll under himself as Jaskier watched Geralt remove his own trousers, but he managed to do it, if a bit sloppily. Jaskier propped himself up on his elbows, and he wasn’t at all embarrassed to realize that the sight of Geralt’s cock had brought him to full hardness. If he wasn’t sure Geralt would kill him, he could write a song or two about his cock alone, and he hadn’t even felt it yet.

The trousers removed and kicked away--with very little grace, Jaskier was pleased to note, at least there were some small things that took away from Geralt’s perfection--Geralt rejoined Jaskier on the ground. One hand held him over Jaskier while the other cupped the back of Jaskier’s head to pull him into another rough kiss. Jaskier moaned against Geralt’s mouth, and though he couldn’t see it, he could feel Geralt’s lips tighten into what Jaskier was sure was a smug smile.

Jaskier reached out a hand and cupped Geralt’s cock, jerking it languidly as Geralt hissed and dug his nails into the back of Jaskier’s head. Jaskier revelled at the feeling of Geralt growing hard in his hand, more than willing to interpret this as a compliment. Biology and natural male reactions be damned--he was turning on Geralt of Rivia.

Jaskier wanted so badly to ask how Geralt wanted to proceed, but he, for all his ways with words, could not think of a way that didn’t sound stupid in his own head. And if he thought that how he was asking was stupid, there was no doubt the witcher would misinterpret his words or lose interest and pull away. It wasn’t a risk Jaskier was willing to take. Luckily, his confidence had been built by the way Geralt was letting out little moans every so often as Jaskier touched him and the way Geralt was now tonguing and nipping the mark on Jaskier’s collarbone, so instead Jaskier breathed out, “I have oil in my bag.”

For a moment, Geralt didn’t react, and Jaskier was almost sure he hadn’t heard Jaskier. Weren’t witchers supposed to have enhanced senses? Surely hearing wouldn’t have been neglected. A moment later, though, Geralt pulled away with what seemed to be great effort and raised an eyebrow at Jaskier.

His eyes were bright, probably even brighter now in their lust than they had been before. It would be easy to get lost in them, but as great as a messy handjob in the middle of a forest was, he wanted more from what might be his only chance with the witcher. So he took his hand off Geralt’s cock--promising himself to never forget the dissatisfied sound Geralt made--and stretched his body as far as it possibly could. It wasn’t easy, grabbing his bag without leaving the warmth of Geralt’s body, but he managed to do it just barely and retrieved the bottle of oil. He held it up for Geralt, who took it obediently and settled back on his legs.

Jaskier spread his legs around Geralt’s body as Geralt opened the vial and spread the oil generously on his fingers. Jaskier bit his lip as he watched Geralt, though he soon had to raise his eyes to look at the stars above them when one hand slowly pressed into his body and the other wrapped firmly around Jaskier’s cock.

“Fuck, Geralt. I have to say, this is not where I saw my night going. Very, very happy with this turn of events but-- fuck --” Jaskier cut himself off with a gasp as Geralt thumbed over the head of his cock. Jaskier picked his head back up to look at Geralt, only to see him looking very, very self-satisfied. “Oh you prick you did that on purpose.”

“Are you complaining?” Geralt challenged.

He did have a point there. How in the world could Jaskier complain about the way Geralt was slowly fucking him open with his finger and running his fingers so delightfully over Jaskier’s length? Jaskier wanted to touch him, pull him in for another kiss, but Geralt’s face was so far.

“”Hard to complain when the white wolf is getting ready to fuck you,” Jaskier finally answered, humming a little at the way Geralt’s face turned sour.

“I’m not the white wolf,” came Geralt’s grumbled reply.

“Not yet ,” Jaskier corrected.

He would have said more about how he’d sing Geralt’s tale across the land, making them both famous, but then Geralt added another finger and Jaskier quite found it was hard to form words. Or, at least, put them in a string that made any sense. He definitely didn’t stop talking, singing a chorus of soft “fuck”s and “Gods” and “Geralt”s as Geralt took him apart from the inside out. Jaskier had been nervous when they started--he had never done this with a man, only fumbling hands inside pants when he was young--but now he had quite forgotten how to be nervous. All he could focus on was the fingers inside him (he’d lost count, though) and the way Geralt stretched him. The hand on his cock never sped up its pace, and if it wasn’t making Jaskier so desperate, he’d be impressed at how steady Geralt had been.

“Geralt, please ,” he finally begged, and that seemed to be the magic word. Geralt smirked again and removed both his hands, placing them on Jaskier’s hips instead to nudge him to turn over, which Jaskier did gladly .

Once Jaskier was on his hands and knees, Geralt resituated his hands, one holding fast to Jaskier’s hip and one, Jaskier assumed, on his cock. Geralt pressed inside slowly and Jaskier gasped and fell to his forearms. Geralt didn’t stop; he only continued pushing forward, his pace glacial, and the stretch of it felt unlike anything else Jaskier had ever experienced. Once fully inside Jaskier, Geralt waited and leaned forward to nose along Jaskier’s back. If Jaskier had felt maybe a bit more in control of his own vocal cords, he would have questioned this, but as it stood, he mostly just loved the way Geralt was close to him.

Geralt pressed a kiss to the back of Jaskier’s neck and hummed, and though Jaskier didn’t know Geralt well, he knew a question when he heard one. Jaskier nodded vigorously, needing more, and for this to get as breathless and face-paced as it had been before. Geralt took the invitation and started to move. His pace was slow at first, with the odd-jerky movement as if he was trying to hold himself back, but steadily he grew faster and fucked Jaskier deeper.

Before long, Geralt was at a relentless pace, and Jaskier dissolved into gasps and moans and “Fuck, Geralt, just like that. ” Geralt’s breathing was fast, and Jaskier was pretty sure he had never heard grunts sound so sexy. His fingers were digging into Jaskier’s hips now, and Jaskier could sympathize--his own fingers were digging into the bedroll as best he could as he lifted himself back up onto his hands.

He wasn’t there for long before Geralt leaned forward, wrapping an arm around Jaskier, and pulling him up. Jaskier’s back was flush to Geralt’s chest and he groaned at the new angle this created. A hand flew to Geralt’s hair, tangling in the locks and tightening, pulling, and the way Geralt bit into Jaskier’s shoulder told Jaskier this was a welcome feeling.

He was hard, so painfully hard, and if he didn’t do something soon, he would probably lose it, which wasn’t a good look. So Jaskier took himself in his hand and tugged at his cock furiously. Jaskier’s head fell back onto Geralt’s shoulder and it only took a few good pulls before he was spilling into his hand, moaning Geralt’s name.

Geralt grunted a “Fuck,” into Jaskier’s skin as he thrust into him once, twice, three more times before his hips jerked and he emptied into Jaskier’s now-spent body. Jaskier wished he could see the witcher’s face.

They stayed there a moment, coming down from their highs and catching their breath. When Geralt removes his arm, which had still been splayed across Jaskier’s chest, Jaskier fell forward in a huff. Geralt gave an amused huff--it wasn’t quite a laugh, but Jaskier was pretty sure it was close to one-- and pulled out of and away from Jaskier.

“Gods, Geralt,” Jaskier sighed, rolling over onto his back on the bedroll. He wiped his hand off on the log, grimacing a little as he did so. He’d kill for a bath right about now, but they were far away from any inns, and it was far too cold to take a dip in any rivers.

“You said that already,” Geralt answered, tossing Jaskier’s trousers at him (and hitting him in the face , no respect to be had) as he stood up to put on his own. “Get dressed or you’ll freeze.”

“It’s no less true now,” Jaskier said, shrugging as he fumbled his way back into his own. Geralt didn’t respond, but Jaskier had no problem assuming he had rolled his eyes.

Instead of responding, Geralt joined Jaskier on the bedroll. Or, rather, he nudged Jaskier further to the side of the roll, almost off it. “Get your own.”

Jaskier smiled sheepishly at Geralt. “I don’t really, er, have one,” he said. Geralt, who had laid down, pushed himself back up on his forearms and glared at Jaskier. Touchy. So, Jaskier rambled. “I wasn’t exactly expecting to sleep out in the forest. I’d had an arrangement with the innkeeper for a free room in Posada, but we couldn’t exactly go back there after you only sort of fulfilled what you had been paid for--don’t even bother arguing Geralt, you know just as well as I do how the other people there would have reacted to the truth--so now here we are and I am woefully unprepared for camping and the next town is miles out and did I mention you gave all of your coin to Filavandrel ?”

Geralt sighed and laid back down, shifting over to the edge of the bedroll near him, which Jaskier gladly took as an invitation to join him, though Geralt didn’t have much of a choice. Jaskier was not about to just sleep on the dirt. Jaskier laid back down and it was definitely a tight fit--witchers did have very broad shoulders, it seemed--but they managed well enough.

For once, Jaskier was completely willing to silence himself in favor of sleeping, all of his restless energy now spent.