#thoughts thinking thoughts

[peggingmegamind]

William Andrew Solace is okay. He has always prided himself on his ability to shake off the negative things in his life. His therapist, teachers, and mother all hailed him from a young age for being “resilient.” His mother used to call him her sunshine; during one of her particularly bad episodes, she took a sad little eight-year-old Will by the shoulders and said to him, “C’mon Sunshine! You’re the only one in this family who’s happy! We’re all relying on you, Don’t let your smile slip!” And since then, he was always sure to remain strong for his family. After Lee’s death, after Michael’s death, after losing countless patients during the Titan and Giant wars, he never slipped, never faltered. He was the strong eldest brother all his siblings needed. It didn’t matter to him that he was just going through the motions, living through profound numbness and fog, so long as he could keep his family at camp safe and stable. That was all that mattered. Taking care of people was all that mattered. 

Three days at the infirmary. Pretty typical, especially given everyone at camp is recovering from a war. Rather short, honestly, in comparison to some of his other patients. Will does what he’s always done. He stays steadfast and hardworking. Nico isn’t his only patient, not by a long shot, but somehow in the blur of IV fluids, ambrosia, and bandages, he manages to stand out. It might be his smart mouth and hatred of being cared for and under chthonic power arrest. More likely, it is Will's persistent crush on the guy since he arrived at the battle of Manhatten flanked by three gods. But who’s to say, honestly? 

It’s a moot point anyways. He’s got a clinic full of injured kids and a cabin full of siblings who need his guidance. He really does not need to add a pathetic, one-sided crush on a two-time war hero to his plate. It’s almost too much, but he can’t bend, can’t show himself struggling to juggle his responsibilities. He just needs to get through this month. It doesn’t matter that he’s been saying that since before the titan war. It’ll be true this time. He will heal everyone who needs to be healed, ensures his siblings are all okay and taken care of, and then everything will be fine. He will feel fine. 

Kayla keeps looking at him. It’s that weird combination of soft eyes and hushed “Dude, are you sure you’re okay? I can hold down the fort if you need a break.” But he doesn’t need a break. He especially doesn’t need to pawn this responsibility and duty onto his younger sister. He’s got this; he always has everything under control. 

Austin’s next. He’s more subtle. He brings Will food and eyes him with that same soft, careful gaze as Kayla. It’s infuriating. Austin takes up more boring jobs around the clinic, filling out discharge forms, cutting bandages, and making sure none of the Ares campers have a cow over being admitted to the clinic for what they call ‘minor injuries’ (It doesn’t matter how many times the Will says it, they insist broken ribs and concussions are injuries that can be fixed with an ice bath and some vics vapor rub). Will wants to protest having his little brother take over these tasks but honestly? He’s just grateful he doesn’t have to power through his forming carpal tunnel to get the records on par with his standards anymore. 

Really he should’ve anticipated Chiron having a talk with him. With everything going on, something had to give, and Kayla confided in Chiron that Will was working himself like a dog. 

The talk was awkward. Will had never been much for lying; quite frankly, he didn’t feel like he was lying. He felt fine. Or at least. A little under his base level of shittiness that he knew he could get out of. Probably. It was disconcerting to have a concerned adult staring at him, prompting him to share his feelings, unwilling to just let him loose and tie up the situation with a nice bow. 

“Sir, with all due respect, I am doing just fine. We’re just busy with all the injuries, and I’m trying to keep all my siblings in check.”

Chiron, compacted into his wheelchair, studied Will’s sleep-deprived face. His eyes were crinkled with knowing concern, and his lips pursed into a thin line.

“Will, your sister came to me concerned about you overworking yourself. Now I know you are tasked with many responsibilities, but I am still here to offer assistance when needed.”

“Yes, but-

“Please, I am not asking about the other campers right now,” Chiron held up a weathered hand, silencing the young healer. “I want to hear about how you are doing. You do not need to carry this burden alone.”

Usually, those words wouldn’t have impacted Will. Usually, offerings of support or help stuck about as well as water on a duck's back. But standing in the big house, exhausted, worn down, and disrespected by the very campers he was trying to take care of, he caved. He broke down. He told Chiron about how he felt he couldn't rely on anyone, how he felt like a ghost walking through life, and how he felt like an outsider just trying to keep everyone satiated and happy. He’s mortified, unloading all of these feelings on an activities director with whom he has a semi-friendly but not close relationship, but he just can’t seem to stem the tidal wave of emotions that spill from his lips. He tells him about what his mother said all those years ago. About how he must always be strong and happy for his family. To be the guiding light that leads them out of the darkness. It’s all so personal, and he feels naked and vulnerable, but he feels. Opening up feels like a gaping knife wound across his chest, but there is some modicum of relief because at least someone else knows. At least someone else was there to witness his pain. 

Chiron sits through all of it. He listens. And when Will finally ramps down from his word-vomit speech and says,

“Oh Gods, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to just unload all that onto you.”

Chiron scoffs good-naturedly and levels him a kind smile, and says,

“As I said before, you do not need to carry this burden alone. You have people here who care about you. I am always here to listen to you, Will. You need to learn to trust your siblings. They worry about you, and your refusal to talk with them about what troubling you hurts them worse than you know.”

They sit and talk a little longer. Chiron recommends some readings to help Will proceed from where he’s at. And then Chiron pats his hand and sends him on his way. 

And it’s not all better. Not by a long shot. He still feels numb and sad. He’s exhausted, and his eyes are swollen from crying, and his nose is raw from the kleenex they have a camp. Things are still as they were. But he feels a little lighter. Like maybe the world won’t end if he lets Kayla and Austin take over the infirmary this afternoon so he can nap and have a good meal. And maybe sometime after the hectic aftermath of the war has dispersed, they can talk about everything.

[peggingmegamind]

This is the coolest idea I have ever heard in my life. It made me feel a sense of perspective and clarity on life I haven’t felt since childhood

cute ocean themed bedroom where its pitch black no windows full of fucked up shrimps and steaming hot chemical vents. the bed is a whale carcass

[foolfortune]

[yeepof]

I understand that tall men are our POV characters, but surely being like a foot taller than everyone around them would have some occasional consequences

[bumblingbabooshka]

Vulcan teen on Vulcan [tiktok] saying "I have just lost track of my father in the grocery store." The camera turns to show the viewers the grocery store in which almost every single older middle-aged man has a bowlcut and long robes. Camera turns back to show the teen's face which is expressionless and yet communicates all it needs to.

[honestlydarkprincess]

i love this character so much......i hope they get seriously injured and almost die

[beaft]

my mum forbade me to say anything to my dad about the top surgery thing, and it's just hit me how funny it would be if i got it done and didn't tell him and just waited for him to notice. i mean, what's he gonna say? "didn't you used to have tits?"

[peggingmegamind]

I remember seeing a post last night on here like “I wish I could go back n read trials of Apollo again just to make a playlist of all the songs mentioned!” N I want that person to know that when I read I WILL be doing that hehehe so if you see this I’ll send it over

[inkedberries]

after patrolling, unwinding in a diner somewhere ...

throw the man a bone batman geez

[badolmen]

People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.

For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.

The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.

So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.

Edit: if you are able, use $5 you would otherwise use for a streaming subscription to donate to a GazaFunds campaign.

[lemongogo]

mimics

[yeepof]

Local PHD student at wizard school HARRASSED!! FOR SHAME!!

[kiryuing]

[echoesoftheinfinite]

There is nothing that attracts me more than a deep, honest, serene, and truly meaningful conversation.

[paintedcrows]

Nooo little Stanley watch out! Your striped shirt, bandage, and sad backstory are too Fallen Human Coded!! The Undertale narrative is going to get you!!!

[bacchuschucklefuck]

couldnt draw my thang for mid-autumn so treated myself to a calne redesign instead