#thought i 'grew out of' it because i realized i was gay (well trans + ace) and theres this idea pushed

[caffeinatedopossum]

I really am still just the little farm boy I was when I was 11 huh

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Look, This is gonna be one of those things that sounds bad until you read the whole story. Please don't read the title and go to 'yta' without reading.

AITA for yelling at our friend that my brother isn't trans?

Look, My brother ISNT trans. He likes to wear kilts and sew, Which is what kind of started all of this. My brother is NOT trans, He loves being a boy (trust me, I can hear him enjoying being a boy in his room all the time. Theres no way he'd wanna chop it off(I mean this as a joke I don't actually know how the surgery works), He's told me multiple times that being told by others what he likes is 'feminine' and 'girly' upsets him because he's proud of being a boy and doesn't like being called a girl. Its not because he hates girls or thinks less of them, He just does not like being called the wrong gender which I'm sure you want to be called the correct gender too.)

Anyways lets begin. I (16F) am my little brothers (15M) best friend, Basically. We grew up together and do everything together, Including sewing. I liked it when I was younger, And eventually convinced him to try it as well. He loved it, And we love just sitting together and making random crap we usually end up selling at our yearly garage sale. (Our mom makes us sell all our unneeded crap every year, But we aren't complaining when we make like $100 for it, Mom and dad even help us figure out what we actually wanna keep (we sometimes see old things and go 'Oh I could never get rid of this' and then throw it away))

Sorry for the rambling, But you'll see why some of this is important to know.

Basically, We were getting our shit together for the garage sale, And invited over a mutual friend of ours, Who I'll call uhhh Ley (16F). Shes kind of obsessed with the LGBTQ and loves to help people 'realize' they're gay or trans or non-binary. By this I mean she'll literally bully people she 'knows' is gay or trans by always telling them they are and spreading rumors about them saying they are. The way she 'knows' these things are from gut feelings. I thought maybe she needed friends who would be honest with her and tell her gently that it needed to stop. She stopped being so bad with it and we even convinced her to admit to the rumors she started being fake. We've known her for around 3 years now, And she's stopped doing it as aggressively for 2 of those years. She still makes jabs and 'jokes' saying things like "Oh thats so girly, Are you sure you're not trans?" and "Oh thats such a boy thing to do, Are you a lesbian?", Both quotes she's said to me and my brother less than a week ago. I am straight and cis, So is my brother. We have nothing against the lgbt, We just aren't apart of it. We support the lgbtq as much as possible (with my part time job I like to donate some of my paycheck towards point of pride so people who need the surgeries or binders can get them), And are very open about supporting them.

While we were cleaning out my brothers room and finding stuff to throw into the 'sell' box (we like to do precleaning before our parents help us, It makes everything faster and less work on the people trying to help), And Ley found my brothers kilt. She did a long exaggerated gasp, Looking at my brother.

"So, How long have you been trans? Why didn't you tell me?? I knew it the whole time!"

My brother tried to explain that it was a kilt for men, And he wasn't trans, But she kept interrupting him saying crap like 'you don't have to lie I know now' and 'Its nothing to be embarrassed about, I knew ever since you started to sew'. The last straw for me was when she continued not listening to him and started to ask about how he was gonna come out as school. I yelled at her to get out, That neither of us were gay, Neither of us are trans, And neither of us are apart of any of the lgbtq. We are allies and nothing more. She tried to argue that he had a 'skirt' which OBVIOUSLY meant he was trans, I basically screamed at her that she was a stupid know it all who made everyone who wasn't apart of the lgbtq's life hell because she made sure everyone knew them as someone they arent (I know, I shouldn't of brought up 2 years in the past) and that I was tired of her trying to force everyone to be in the LGBTQ when its just not realistic. Not everyone is gay or trans, Some people are cis and straight. She started crying and left, We haven't spoken in a few days but I think I'm justified. I'm tired of living my life being told I'm something I'm not, I'm tired of seeing it happen to my brother too.

My brother later thanked me for standing up for him, Telling me it made him really upset when she said those things. To cheer him up we watched his favorite movies and I made him his favorite dinner (mom and dad both work day jobs so we both make lunch and dinner)

And for those who are gonna say that allies are apart of the LGBTQ I strongly believe the A is for aro/ace. Being an ally isn't a gender or sexuality

(unless people identify using ally/allyself of course or whatever it is, I'm not quite sure how neos work or whatever but I love to see how creative people get with it and am happy it gives people who don't identify with any of the normalized(? Idk the correct term but yknow the man woman and nb) genders a chance to be who they actually are)

Extra info on why I think I could be the asshole: I feel like we might've been able to explain it if we got her to shut up for a minute, But she kept talking over us. I feel like I went too far by insulting her, And I feel like I might be TA because she's also autistic (so is my brother though, And I have ADHD).

Why I think I'm NTA: My brother is really quiet and doesn't really defend himself often. He doesn't really know how to stand up for himself and is 'easy' to talk over (soft spoken, Quiet talking voice and nonconfrontational) which is why I believe I had to step in in his place, And I don't believe I did anything wrong defending my brother and making her stop calling him what hes not.

Anyways. AITA for yelling at our friend that my brother isn't trans?

To see later: PINK PANTHER

What are these acronyms?

[thateclecticbitch]

"l am a mid-thirties gay man, and in the mid 2010's, I was almost taken in by some of this propaganda as well. It was exactly as you layed out, and for me it was the line that I was going to be 'forced to have sex with vaginas'. I never went full transphobe, denying peoples identities or misgendering or deadnaming, but I did spend a lot of time reenforcing the idea that sex was immutable and that being gay meant I was only into 'biological males', not 'men' as a gender identity.

Over time the awful way people in these circles treated not just trans people but gay and lesbian people started to bother me intensely. I also had several experiences where I found myself attracted to men who I later learned were trans. l couldn't deny my own experience of being attracted to them, so I had to rethink how I conceived of my sexuality.

If I listened to terfs, me being attracted to transmen would mean I'd have to identify as 'bi', even though l've never been attracted to any women. Their perspective just didn't make sense.

More introspection led me to realize that what I thought was a lack of attraction to trans men because 'they are biologically female and I'm gay' was actually cognitive dissonance I felt because I was both attracted to some trans men, but also disgusted by trans bodies in general. I grew up with Ace Ventura and other depictions of trans people as disgusting, and I had a sense that any bodies that didn't neatly fall into one or the other binary category was somehow inherently gross.

More exposure to trans people through YouTube, real life meeting people, and positive media representation has deeply shifted this feeling of disgust I had. I feel ashamed that I didn't realize what was going on sooner, and feel sorry to anyone who saw my online footprint at that time and was hurt by it.

The way you layed this all out, the way these transphobes bait gay people into their cult and stoke bigoted disgust, was so spot on to my experience. Really stellar work. Thanks again."

-commenter on Calean Conrad's "Inside A Cult" a YouTube docuseries about what goes on in private gender critical Facebook groups.

[samskaterguy]

I love Ever After High more than I could probably ever say, but I’ll try in honor of its 10th anniversary. 

I discovered Ever After High when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old, so I was very young, and I LOVED Disney Princess movies (kind of ironic given the history, huh?) and so I discovered the Brothers Grimm fairytales, and I adored those too. I find a series from a YouTuber I don’t remember the name of (7 Super girls? Or something?) And I think the video was “What’s your favorite show?” And the girl in the video explains what Ever After High is and that sounds AWESOME to a little kid like me. It was a high school for the children of the Brothers Grimm characters?????? AMAZING! Obviously not much was aid about the more,,grizzly details of the stories as this was a child’s doll line as well.

I started watching, and I instantly fell in love with Raven Queen when I saw what her whole deal was, also I really liked her style, as I was a little emo kid, and Raven striving to be herself in a world that didn’t accept that, that she had to just follow the rules that actively worked against her. That struck a little cord with me, and I wouldn’t realize it until many years later, but, spoiler! I’m trans. Raven is a character that, in general, means so much to me. I full person and soul mean this when I say she is my favorite fictional character of all time. Raven Queen meant so much to me, and others as well. 

Ashlynn and Hunter because I ate, slept and BREATHED True Hearts Day as a kid, to see these two people that loved each other, so deeply and true that they were willing to sacrifice their stories for one another despite the danger. Society told the two of them their love was wrong, Ashlynn’s best friend even told her she thought it was wrong, and that crushed Ashlynn. She even broke up with Hunter over her fears about their stories, but also so everyone would just. Stop. The whole reason they even told ANYONE was because Duchess had threatened to essentially out them when they weren’t ready. 

Then, after all of that pain, and trail and tribulation they got up, well Ashlynn did, she got up and she told the whole world that she loves Hunter, and doesn’t care what anyone, or their destines have to think. If she can’t love Hunter and be a royal? Then call her Ashlynn Ella the rebel! 

Then as the years went on, I got older, and Dragon Games aired. I saw Darling Charming, a character I didn’t really care about too much until I got older, and I saw her give “CPR” to Apple White, a character I hated, and ALSO grew to love as I got older. 

My personal feelings to these character didn’t matter, though. I saw these girls KISS on screen. I saw two same gender people give TRUE. LOVES. KISS. to one another for the first time ever. It wasn’t just an m/f couple with some VERY gay subtext. Seeing that kiss was more magical than anything in the show. That one moment between two characters that I grew up watching, as if to say it was okay..I won’t lie when I tell you I maybe cried that night after I finished watching it. It made me feel so happy, so seen. Safe. 

As I got older, I saw these characters in different lights, and I saw more depth to them than I ever did before. Characters I hated as a kid suddenly made more sense, this horrible system of destiny looked so much more daunting and scary than it ever did before. I hated Apple as a kid, and that’s an understatement. Sorry Apple fans, I love her now, and that’s because as I aged I saw more depth in her than I did when I was younger. 

Apple was also a victim of destiny, just in a different way than say Raven, or Briar. She had such high expectations put on her from her mother, her father, the WHOLE SOCIETY THEY ARE STRUCTURED AROUND. Apple also faced a traumatic experience as a kid that also just reinforced this line of thinking. She had her entire life planned, if she liked that or not, and she couldn’t escape it. Apple was faced with harsh reality so suddenly at what was supposed to be the biggest, most important day of her entire life. All of that particular planning to be the perfect princess, her entire life’s purpose for as far as she knew, was over. Torn away in an instant with the rip of a page. It would make sense that Apple would take so long to come around to the idea of choosing your own destiny, or that CHOOSING can also mean living your destined story, but maybe with some tweaks. 

Apple’s whole arc in Dragon Games and Way Too Wonderland is just so good. I love her so much.

ALSO Raven never even wanted to start a whole movement or anything, she just wanted to not be like her mother, she just didn’t want to be evil. She was just 15, like literally everyone else in the show. All she wanted was to exist as herself, and it was a battle to get close to that goal.

I realized as I aged, and in general became a tad more jaded towards the world that oppressive systems don’t really help anyone. A lot of kids at Ever After High, royal or rebel, is screwed over with the destiny system in some way. It made me think about our own society in ways I haven’t before, but that’s a talk for another day.

Also, as a kid I only had access to YouTube and maybe Netflix, so I didn’t read any of the books until literally about two years ago when I could get my hands on them, so I literally just have NEW information to sift through, and grow with a world that I’ve had for so long with me already.

I think there’s so much more i can say about family issues, and family non-issues, and about culture, or the way there are rebels who want their destiny, but still side with the rebels because they think everyone should have a free choice, or how Cedar and Cerise feel just a tad trans to me, or THE WONDERLANDIANS AND RED AND BADWOLF, but that’s more general fandom posting or a bit too personal, so I’ll just leave it here.

In conclusion, Ever After High, it’s been a beautiful, spellbinding 10 years and I’m so thankful for the fans, the people that made the series/dolls/books/etc, and that I wish all of these characters, and people a Happily Ever After in their own ways.

[dxrkvibez]

my fnaf au, part 1!!

still don’t know what to call it, but i needed to finally get it out there

william and clara are both trans in this au!

williams mom died when he was younger. he was abused by his father.

clara’s parents were very traditional and immediately rejected the idea of her being trans

both of them left their homes as soon as they graduated. they were basically on the run together, just train and bus hopping from place to place around london.

william is very small and skinny/ doesn’t have much of a chest

clara is very feminine built anyway, and got bullied about it all throughout school.

they met when the two were 14, and immediately became the best of friends.

once they both kind of left their homes; they only really had each other. they’d go from city to city, doing whatever they wanted with no fear of being caught.

their favorite moments were lying in fields together, fields of flowers, and just talking. laughing. staring at the sky.

they started growing ‘feelings’ for each other at this time. (it wasn’t romantic feelings. it was more of a, your the first person who i’ve ever felt this close and connected too, therefore u have to love you, right?)

they start going out with each other, and eventually start sleeping together. (there’s no condoms or birth control on the run so it’s not like they were being careful)

william has a pregnancy scare, though when they thought he was actually pregnant, they both kind of started dreaming of having a family together.

turns out he wasn’t, and his period was just late, but they both admitted they thought of having a family together.

they both start their ‘transitions’ (as much that was legally allowed)

clara cuts williams hair for him, and william kind of helped clara with makeup and clothes (he never did dress feminine, but he had two sisters that did)

flask forward, william moves to utah for college, and clara comes with, since they wanted to continue ti be together.

william and clara both move into separate dorms, and william meets henry.

henry and william become immediate best friends, and eventually henry gets close to clara as well. the three of them are super close.

henry starts noticing some things off about william, like how pads sbow up in the apartment, why there’s girls underwear thrown in with boxers in the laundry.

william tries to keep it a secret for a while, but eventually feels close and comfortable enough to henry to tell him he’s trans.

henry is kind of actually relieved to hear this, because he had started to develop feelings for william (even though william was with flare and he knew he couldn’t have her), and now that he knew william was actually trans, he felt less guilty about being gay

henry grew up in a ridiculously religious household. both of his parents were super mormon, and taught henry to be as well. so henry, even after leaving his parents house, continued to go to church.

sometime during college, william finds out he’s pregnant with michael. clara takes the brunt of it obviously, and pretends like shes lregbant and drops out of school.

william finished as quickly as he could, going almost double over the normal credit hours, so that he could graduate before anyone noticed he was pregnant.

he has the baby and him and clara end up marrying each other. all throughout the pregnancy, their both so excited to have a a baby. their expecting it and happy and everything.

it’s not until michael’s here that they realize how hard of work it actually is. baby’s don’t sleep. parents don’t sleep. their gross. their messy. their sticky. their loud. william and clara weren’t prepared for this.

because if this, they start fighting and taking it out on each other.

also, afton is actually clara’s last name. and in order to completely distance himself from his father, william takes her last name when their married.

they get married not long after will finds out he’s pregnant.

meanwhile, henry and william are getting super close.

henry meets a woman named rebecca while they were at church together. both of their parents approve, and they end up getting engaged within two weeks and married within the next one.

henry never truly loved her. the only time she felt like he ever did was when she was carrying his kids. then, he was doting on her every second. protecting her. protecting his kids. getting her what she wanted. after all, she was carrying his kids. he was always a familial guy. it’s not until after the kids are born and he goes back to how he was before that rebecca starts to get jealous and upset.

she’s mad and upset; but still wants to make it work. as much as possible.

(this isn’t until like looong after michael is born. like 14 years almost. henry got married late. in his late 20s)

william and clara fall into a sort of routine. now that michael is a little older; they hope and think it’s gonna start being easier, and they’ll start loving each other again

meanwhile henry and william open a restaurant together. fred bears family diner. henry’s the engineer, while william’s more of the entertainer. they both get inside the spring lock suits, but william will always like do things apart from that to entertain kids and families.

ever since michael was little, he got along so much better with his mom then with his dad.

his dad would scream at him. they’d get into screaming matches all the time.

the only one who ever knew how to calm william down was clara. and she was protective of her kids. she’d stand up for michael against william when his anger issues got bad. so ever since michael was little he associated his mom with protection and love

elizabeth came when michael was 9 years old. william and clara were kind of hoping another baby would fix their relationship. evan then came 5 gears after that.

after evan was born, and michael was older, william and clara kinda realized that having more kids didn’t fix their relationship. but also, kids are still hard. even when their not newborns.

life wasn’t all happiness and flowers and rainbows like they thought jt would be when they were younger.

they also both realized they never actually romantically loved each other. it was much more of a friendship, i only had you and had never loved anyone before so i thought it was romantic love, kind of love.

they ended on good terms. really good terms. they signed the divorce papers, and agreed on what to do with the kids, without ever having to go back to court.

[luxgalador]

Ma'am, If I may, what led you to coming to terms with your identity? Was there a process that made you think, "maybe I'm not what I was born with?" No matter how your respond, I thank you for the mega cool vibes and consistent dream of memes, cat pics, and explanations of why furry stuff is super cool

I never had a lightbulb moment. And I also am not a "I always knew" type of girl. My unravelling and actualizing has been and continues to be a gradual process of following what feels good and asking myself questions about why it feels good.

In hindsight, I can say "oh yeah that makes a lot more sense" now that I've realized some major things, of course. But I never felt "I'm not what I was born with." It was more a "maybe I could be this? Let's follow this."

One thing I did always know is that I felt different than most other people. I figured that one out pretty early. The way I interacted with the world just didn't seem to align with how many folks did. And my problem is that I never connected with, knew, or was even aware that the way I felt was something that others felt too.

Realistically I didn't really have an original thought about my own identity until I was 19 years old and finding myself in substance abuse rehabilitation. It was only when faced with the real possibility of my own death that my Self™ began to emerge. She started slowly taking control. Because I needed it. Because without me, actually me, driving the car of my life, I was going to fucking die.

My queerness first emerged in a dream when I was 20. I don't remember the dream, but I remember waking up in a panic. I'd grown up aware of queer people, but fed through my well-meaning cishet mom who's only exposure to queerness was through the blood-stained lens of the AIDS crisis. "It's such a hard life" was a phrase I'd heard so often in regards to gay people. It wasn't outwardly hateful, but it felt like an "other" existence that wasn't preferable to "normal" society. My only awareness of trans people was through punchlines and stereotypes. Despite having always wanted to be a girl if given the choice, I didn't understand that there actually was a choice and I could be what I wanted.

I started making videos more earnestly and engaging with the YouTube community. I became pretty successful in that world. I also became a student. Fueled by curiosity and a compulsion to understand the world to keep myself going, I learned. I listened. I asked questions. I was YouTube's It Bi Boy™ but something remained missing.

I hadn't spoken the words yet, but I started growing my hair out. I'd seen a lot of sapphics with short curly bob hairdos that I wanted to emulate. I wanted to look feminine. As I was aging into my mid-20s, I started looking like a man and I hated it. I didn't understand what that meant beyond "I don't want to look like a man." That evolved into, okay well maybe I'm not a man.

The rest of my 20s, that's the crux of my identity. It wasn't an affirmative identity, but rather a reductive one. The only thing I knew is what I wasn't. I wasn't a man. I thought this was enough. Deep in me I wanted to be a woman, but I still didn't realize that I could be. That I already was.

I did more makeup daily before HRT. I got dolled up every single day to go to work. My heart would soar if someone "mistook" me for a woman. That's how I wanted to be perceived. But I was stuck in "not a man" identity for a while.

I read an article in 2019 about HRT regimens that were low-dose. I'd never considered hormones before this. But I knew immediately this is what I wanted. It felt like a level that I was "allowed" to have. I still felt like I wasn't allowed to be a woman. That I wasn't trans enough to embrace it. I made an appointment within a week.

Pandemic happened, in many ways my life froze. But I kept changing. After 6 months on the low-dose I said "fuck it" and went to a full dose. I grew tits. I felt so much better. Relieved. Like I was course correcting. It was good, but still not good enough.

I had to move to Florida due to financial issues in late 2021. I had roommates again including my sister. It was the first time I was around people regularly after so much had changed in my body. It was a few months later that I realized that I was basically living my life as a woman just without affirming that reality to myself. So 2.5 years into HRT I finally did it. I owned that. I she/they'd for like 2 weeks then realized I didn't want they. I didn't want neutrality. I wanted to be and was her. In this moment I also connected the dots that my sexuality was not bi, despite years in that community and many, many videos made by me on the subject. Bisexuality, in hindsight, was an identity that allowed me access to loving women queerly before I knew I was a woman myself.

So here I am, at 30, about 10 years after that first dream. I'm a woman. I'm a lesbian. I'm living with the love of my life in Chicago. And in many ways, it feels like I'm just getting started. Thanks for reading.

[xadoheandterra]

Alright lovelies bear with me. Xadohe's gonna go off on a bit of a tangent here because he's got a migraine and a lot of thoughts in his head brought on by a round of holy shit I was writing what in what year realizations last night!

Basically, dearest and darling friends, companions, followers, and crazies of the interwebs Xadohe is old now (haha, joking!) and had thoughts of early, early years of fandom and his time in it. This was well before I came to the realization that I was a man in the wrong body, well before a lot of things to be honest. This was back in ye old days when Fanfiction.net had porn.

So roughly uhh 2000 to somewhere between 2003 to 2006? You know I can't recall the exact year they banned "NC-17" rated content. I can recall being young and not quite-into-sex at that age (I was curious, I had discovered naughty websites by this point, our computers were riddled with viruses my father had to handle every...three months or so) but I was reading content and having fun and skimming the naughty bits because I was a good christian boy girl.

I was a girl. Because I didn't understand I was a boy-not-boy (yay for uhm gender nonbinary weirdness!). But I digress.

Back then I wrote fanfic that was, haha, questionably cringe and when I was older I lamented some of it, still loved others, and even now I have archived one story only on AO3 and promptly abandoned it because I do not want it tied to my account anymore hoo boy I was like thirteen when I wrote that shit!

But I was lovingly into genderbends. Specifically a girl who was secretly a guy the whole time! (Inuyasha fanfic, Kagome secretly a demon lord and a man, oh my! Also very gay! Because my life is one big comedy of errors)

Wow, how to not realize I was fucking trans am I rite?

Anyway, point being, I was a dumb fuck who liked a certain subset of stories and if you deviated from that subset and wrote the opposite (guys genderbent into girls) I tended to be upset (privately, because I was a polite christian boy girl thank you and I was raised on that cultural lovely of don't like it don't read it!) because I thought people writing genderbends of the opposite of what I did were only writing to make characters straight. I may have ranted about it on MySpace or something, it was that sort of year, but I never shat on anyone's story specifically because I was smart (I was not, in fact, smart at all I was just a horrible little gremlin who didn't want to get yelled at)

I know better now. I learned. I grew up. I stopped being a teenager but still. That was the thing I was under. The thoughts. The misunderstandings. Ah! The lack of knowledge of what being trans was!

Anyway end all be all don't shit on genderbend fics its probably someone exploring gender identity without realizing it. Let people learn. Cringe doesn't exist. Blah blah blah.

Holy shit I wrote a lot in the early 2000's tho like fuck I need to uhhh figure out what to do with some of this old shit....

[thevoidstaredback]

CW: Mentions/Implications of Transphobia, Religion, Aphobia

I do end up telling at everyone, btw. I'm a bit pissed off near the end.

I'm a bit pissed off still...

I think the main reason I haven't come out to my parents as AroAce is because they're both very conservative Christans (LDS). They grew up that way, and they raised me that way. While they're open minded about a lot of things, they're close minded about a lot of things, too.

Both are very family oriented, my mother moreso than my father. They both want me and my sisters to get married and have kids and I don't know how to break it to them that I don't want that.

I've tried telling them without coming out. "The best I can offer are cats." or "I'm not interested in relationships." or the one I've been saying since I was in my single digits "I'm gonna be the crazy cat lady. I can't do that if I have other people I have to take care of."

(Honestly, that last one shoulda been my first clue. How the hell did I not know until senior year of hs?)

Both parents have brushed me off or ignored me completely. On several occasions. My aunts have all done the same. Some friends have done the same. All with varying excuses that I've already mentioned here before (and on TilTok).

I think the worst part is that they're both a bit transphobic, my father moreso than my mother. Mom is a bit more open minded (at least that I've noticed). She's a bit confused, but does her best to understand. Dad is a lot less so. He's actively watching things that are transphobic in nature or in passing, though I think he's realized that shit makes me uncomfortable, so he doesn't listen to it when I'm around. Only when he thinks I can't hear. (Doesn't work very well. I've got crazy good hearing and he watches with his speakers on full blast)

I'm not trans, but I have friends who are. My thought process is, if they can't accept that people are sometimes born in the wrong body, how will they ever accept someone stepping way back from what they were raised on?

Okay, I know those two things probably to connect in the way that I'm trying to convey, but I- I don't know how to explain it?

How do I convince people that I don't fall into the norms they were raised in when they can't even accept the norms that have been since the time of gods?

Does that make better sense?

The Queer Community has been around since humans started to walk the Earth. How does one explain this to people without things going to absolute shit?

I think I've gotten a bit off topic...

How does one tell their parents (who have been dreaming about their children having children to the point of "cursing" us with triplets) that getting married or having kids is not in their plans?

How does one get past the years of (what I can only label some kind of manipulation attempts) convincing that having kids and getting married will be the best thing to ever happen?

As I'm sure my fellow Aspecs can relate or attest to, it's extremely hard to tell a heteronormative society that you don't quite fall in with them. It's equally as hard to tell s homonormative group that you don't quite fit in with them, either.

On all sides, we're being pushed and pulled to fall in love and have families and have romances and have sex and all of these things! I think the reason we (at least from what little I've seen) feel so lonely is because we have little to no support. People on all sides are telling us we're wrong. People who are supposed to be on our team are telling us we're wrong.

Do you know how much that hurts?

Straight friends, gay friends, trans friends, queer friends, even fellow Aspecs have all told me some version of "You just haven't met your perfect person yet."

Fuck you.

Fuck whoever has ever said that in their life.

Fuck whoever has said that to someone who trusted them.

That line, and any line like it, is harmful.

I'm sorry you can't look past your rose coloured glasses to see the world. I'm sorry you can't pull your head outta your partner's(s) ass long enough to realize that not everyone is like you.

Yeah, I'm yelling at all of you. No discrimination here.

....

I really did go off topic...

I guess I really needed all that off my chest...

Regardless, I don't take any of it back.

[uranium-city]

@june-doe-event’s June Doe is finally here & with that I made my first entry to the with the pride prompt!! Here are a bunch of ramblings about my headcanons for the choir!! Maybe I’ll do little icons or something in the future but for now I just wanted to write my thoughts in the incoherent mess that is these few paragraphs 😭

Ocean is an asexual lesbian! As someone who only likes women she just radiates those vibes, it takes one to know one, y’know? Anyways with Ocean’s strong need to conform to societal standards I can very much see her as someone who suppresses their sexuality to feel more desirable by society. Girlypop’s got a lot of internalized homophobia she’s working through & is the last member of the choir to come out. The rest of the choir lowkey realizes she’s queer before she does 😭. She’s very “[Woman] is so pretty… but I’m NOT gay guys I’m NOT GAY!!” 

The ace part is pretty self explanatory. Throughout the whole musical Ocean is repeatedly disgusted by anything & everything sexual. While it could be argued she does this to keep up her goody-two-shoes, moral persona, the fact that her acting like this only serves to antagonize her from the rest of the choir leads me to believe it’s less of a “Look at how moral I am!! You should vote for me!!” thing & instead a bit more personal. Her putting down Noel, Constance, & Ricky for expressing sexuality most certainly will not get them to vote for her I feel like she’s saying these thing just because that's genuinely how she feels about sex. 

I posted this the other day but I’ll add it again here since I wanna make this point “I always found it odd how in Every Story’s Got a Lesson straight A student, miss smarty pants Ocean O’Connell Rosenberg interprets the lesson behind Romeo & Juliet to be “teen sex kills” & not that baseless hatred leads to unnecessary bloodshed. I’m sure it’s just a throwaway joke & doesn’t matter at all.. HOWEVER I will be using this to spread my ace Ocean agenda. No one that smart misinterprets such a simple message like that unless they already view sexual relationships in an inherently negative light.” Big sex-repulsed ace vibes to me.

Noel is canonically a gay man so there’s that. In my mind he’s a cis man but enjoys presenting himself in a fem-leaning lense. Like he definitely would’ve gotten into drag if he had lived & doesn’t mind she/her pronouns despite identifying as a dude. He’d probably get all giddy if you referred to him as Monique. Overall just very comfortable in his identity.

Mischa is THE bicon of all time. I feel like it took him a while to realize that as well but not because of internalized homophobia like Ocean but instead because he just?? never really thought of it as an option?? Mischa’s not homophobic in the slightest but grew up in a country where queerness is typically regarded in a negative light & because of that the thought of him being queer never really crossed his mind. It wasn’t until he met Noel that he was like “Wait… man can actually like man?? Like romantically?? …like actually??! Woah... that’s awesome..”. I also like the idea of Mischa being polyam because he has two hands Goddammit & one’s for Talia & the other is for Noel. 

I feel like the entire RtC community collectively agreed on Ricky being trans which is really funny to me /pos. In my mind he’s gender-fluid & uses any pronouns & is usually referred to with he/him due to being masc presenting. I don’t really have any strong opinions on whether he’s transfem or transmasc I just know that he hasn’t got a cis bone in his body lmao. I feel like I tend to gravitate towards transfem since that seems to be the most common headcanon in the fandom but transmasc Ricky has really been starting to grow on me. I like the idea that despite the language barrier he faced & more traditional urban-ness of Uranium City he was able to express himself through transitioning & presenting more masculine. He’s not a trans man but he’s typically more comfortable settling with a masculine identity so it’s the best way he can express himself to a town that’s not understanding of his identity as a genderqueer person. + he was actually played by a transmasc actor once & that’s really cool!! Either way, trans Ricky is so real & I love how creative the fandom is when applying that headcanon to aspects of the musical like with the many interpretations of what Savannah meant to Ricky. Sexuality wise?? He definitely likes women & is either flat out only attracted to women or bi with a heavy female lean. 

Jane Doe doesn’t even know her own name let alone her sexuality. But that can’t stop me from giving Penny Lamb headcanons >:]

Despite the fact that I think about Penny the most out of the choir I never really could settle into a set lgbt headcanon for her?? I would love to say that Penny’s a lesbian but Legoland is very complicated with how it portrays her sexuality. Like it comes across that Penny does like men with her remarks on Johnny Moon & is only bullied for being a “lesbian” since this is the 2000s & being homophobic to the weird kids was the norm back then. But also?? Penny is pretty much implied to not even know what a lesbian is?? With her sheltered upbringing in Elysium it’s possible she didn’t even know what the concept of being queer was until she started being bullied at St. Cassian. Like if she didn’t even know being queer was a thing until she was like 15 then I highly doubt she has any sort of grasp on her identity. Like this isn’t your everyday normal comphet, this is… ADVANCED comphet.. + with all the Ride the Cyclone productions that have so many different futures for Penny (or whoever Jane is brought back as) including ones where she takes a husband, outside Legoland sources saying Penny’s not gay, but also the knowledge that Legoland is admittedly dated & if it were to be revised in modern day it would likely make Penny queer or at least leave it ambiguous since it’s more appropriate, I am so endlessly confused. I like lesbian Penny a lot !! I would like for it to be semi-canon but I definitely wouldn’t die on the hill that it is because of the way Legoland is written. Anyways those are my thoughts.

On a more brief note I feel like Penny’s agender but in a really apathetic way. By that I mean she just does not care at all. She doesn’t mind being referred to as a girl, she just doesn’t feel very connected to it. She doesn’t feel really connected to any other identity either, like in regards to gender she feels like she could just take it or leave it lol. She was born female & has such been referred to with feminine terms her whole life so that’s she’s become used to it, but if one day everyone around her inexplicably started referring to her with masculine terms she’d just continue her day like “oh okay that works too I guess.” 

Additionally Ezra shares the same feelings surround gender except that he’s accustomed to masculine terms instead. The main difference is that if you asked Penny her pronouns she’d probably be like “Oh I don’t really have a strong preference, thank you!” while Ezra would be like “Gender is a socially constructed scam created by the U.S. government to sell more toys at the McDonald’s. I am above that meandering capitalist propaganda. Do not refer to me.”

& finally Constance I go back & forth from her being the STRONGEST straight ally known to man & her being pansexual. (She does claim to see the gold, the pink, & the blue… coincidence?? I think not… /j.) Either way she definitely threw everyone little parties when they came out with cupcakes decorated as pride flags. She very supportive regardless of if she herself is queer or not. & while I hadn’t thought about this before, my one ace friend brought up that the way she regards sex as just something she needs to get out of the way comes across as ace reminiscent & I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I can def see her as being on the ace spectrum!! To me she doesn’t experience a complete lack of sexual attraction & definitely isn’t sex repulsed like Ocean but falls in the middle of ace & allo. Gray asexual Constance is very real to me. 

[menalez]

I'm a detransitioner. I grew up in a conservative, homophobic environment with unsupervised internet access. After finding tumblr as a child, trans adults online convinced me that I was trans because I liked girls and I liked dressing like a boy.

My family cornered me one summer after I had become severely depressed, and I admitted I was trans. I was taken to a doctor, and he advocated for my transition at 13 years old. For about two years, I was on hormones. I lived my adolescence appearing as a straight teenage boy. Something wasn't quite right, though, but back then, I couldn't figure out what. Transitioning didn't solve how unhappy I was. I detransitioned, and it was one of the worst, most humiliating experiences of my life. The local trans community ostracized me, attacked me, literally all the things people talk about when they're leaving a cult. They wanted my head on a pike. The trans people I was once friends with ruined nearly every friendship I had. I suddenly had no one, and my family thought I was finally going to be a good, straight girl. I figured I might as well try to be good, somehow.

So, right after I stopped transitioning, I made a new transition. I tried to be a feminine woman for the first time in my life and even tried dating men. I had no gay community anymore. I cannot stress to you how fucking lonely I was. I would get drunk or high to simply tolerate sex with men. Every time I had a homosexual thought, I would punish myself by having sex with men, telling myself that my lesbian fantasies and revulsion to men were something to be conquered.

I ended up in an abusive relationship with a man. He even got me pregnant. Thank God I miscarried. I left him and months later, I realized all this time, I had just been a lesbian.

I will never know what I would look like, be like, sound like, had I not taken hormones as a child. I don't know if my reproductive system will ever recover from hormones and male violence. I will never know the peace of never having been with a man. I will always be haunted by what I have been through because the world hates lesbians. I've been through hell because I'm a lesbian. And I'm here, anonymously venting to you about it because I feel like there is no safe place to tell my story.

thats horrible... im so sorry u were isolated like this, from being in a homophobic environment that made you feel like you had to be a boy to like girls, to being ostracised when u realised u didnt even want to be a boy, to being pushed to pretend like u men bc of ur homophobic family. i can relate to some parts of it and im glad to hear that at least u got urself out and that u survived, i hope at least you can accept yourself as you are. there's no way to undo the past but at least you have your present & your future

[occult-roommates]

Drama in the gay mermaid community

A few days after their okay-ish date, Marisa invited Akva to go swim at a swimming pool in the spice district. She thought it was a nice gesture, as it was the area where they both grew up, and it looks better than ever now that it got massively renovated a year ago. On top of that, since that renovation, there's been a promotion every Monday morning and mermaids can swim there for free.

Akva: So yeah, turns out the guy I had picked specifically as a last ditch effort to convince myself I'm not a lesbian was a trans woman this whole time. Granted, I found that out two years after we broke up, but that's still funny. Marisa: Oh wow, that's crazy. Maybe it's because on like, some level you knew. Akva: That sounds unlikely.

Akva looked up and for the love of Poseidon, speaking of the Devil, there she was taking a dive into the pool.

Akva: Oh my god, Athena! Athena! Athena: Oh HIIIIII!!!!

The blue mermaid swam towards her ex-girlfriend, at sat next to her.

Akva: What are you doing here? Athena: Ok, ya see, I accepted Paisley's offer to be her video editor, and so for a short while I did so while living in Del Sol Valley. The thing is I've been living on the West Coast for years now, since I left for college, and I missed San Myshuno. And so, last month, I finally moved back home, got an apartment and everything. I'm still working for Paisley, just from a distance. By the way, Sara continue to be a happy healthy toddler, and began going to daycare back in September. Akva: That's great to hear. I'm also surprised to see how different you look from last time. How did you changed so fast in just a few months? Athena: Magic. Like a spellcastress sold me a potion. The effects are only temporary and not as powerful as a full blown genderbending potion, but it'll do for now. Until I can admit it to my parents. Akva: You're back in town and you still haven't told your parents? Imagine if they can recognize you, I mean, I just did so why couldn't they? Athena: "In town". San Myshuno has a population of 8.5 millions. The odds of me coming across my parents are so low. It's already a huge coincidence I came across you. Akva: Ok but like, you're in the spice district, which is where we both grew up, and has a huge mermaid population. It kinda raises the odds you'll come across them, don't you think? Athena: I-It's not the same thing. They don't know I'm a woman now, they probably won't realize I'm, well, me. You know, that's how you recognize me.

Marisa laid down, waiting for them to change the subject so she could join the conversation. It never happened though, they argued about Athena's coming out plan, then went on to gossip about what their former classmates from high school are now up to.

Akva: You look beautiful by the way. Athena: Oh my god, thank you. Marisa: That's it, I gotta go. Akva: What, why?

Marisa stood up drag herself away from the pool, and as soon as her legs grew back, she walked up. Concerned on what she did wrong, Akva also stood up and speed walked towards her, as everyone knows you cannot run near a pool.

Marisa: That's really rude to flirt with your ex during a date you know? Akva: Th-This was a date?! How was I supposed to know? You did not told me. Marisa: I-I...Well, it's true I didn't told you, because I thought it was pretty obvious. Akva: I don't think it works like that. We're not girlfriend, as long as we're not, as far as I know any going out is just platonic friendly outing. And...Ok, since a miscommunication put us into this mess, I'll just go straight to the point, I do not want to be your girlfriend. Marisa: Well me neither!

That's when Marisa left. Akva felt awful, she didn't want to hurt her feelings, she's a fine girl, a fine girl who she's not into. If only she knew. Meanwhile, Athena kept on sitting by the pool. In a way, it wasn't really her fault, it's not like she knew, but like Akva, she couldn't help but feel like garbage over this.

Prev - Next

[bingejesus]

how do you reconcile your gender and sexuality with your christianity? i've been struggling immensely with this because i don't know how to deal with myself. i have been out for years and it feels so hard to give up either part of myself, and i don't think i can exist as both. please don't answer this if you feel uncomfortable, but how do you do it?

So sorry I’m just now getting to this, friend. I hope you’re well.

So, it took a while to get where I am. I had always been attracted to both boys and girls, and only discovered my gender recently (and am still discovering) but I’ve struggled with God for pretty much the whole time I’ve been on this earth. Not just with my sexuality and such but with everything. For the first 18-20 years of my life I grew up convinced God actually hated me and couldn’t wait for me to slip up so bad that he could send me to hell.

Then after some time in college, I finally admitted to myself that I wasn’t straight, and I wasn’t cis. And that only pushed me farther because of course according to my background that was a grievous sin. And for a while I hated God because I couldn’t reconcile this idea of non-straight, non-cis, non-Christian people being completely evil with reality. I started really reading and studying and searching and ultimately found that what I’d been taught wasn’t the whole story. I found stuff like the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was not “being gay”, it was exploitation and mistreatment of the poor. I found credible sources explaining that the cultural difference between then and now was extremely wide and what we would call homosexuality wasn’t about love and orientation, it was about once again power and exploitation. And when I finally came back to God, expecting anger and judgement, I instead received joy and love and peace. I thought for sure he would tell me I had to be straight and cis because that’s all there was—but actually he was strangely silent. But he answered through knowing and meeting real people, recognizing harmful patterns in society, and through the realization that God was so concerned with reconciling and loving the least of these that he didn’t care if I liked both boys and girls and if I wanted to use they/them pronouns because it made me feel better in my own skin. (“Didn’t care” meaning it was never condemned, not that he was indifferent.) He made gay people gay and trans people trans, and he made the spectrums of sexuality and gender and we were discovering that now and how grand and vivid and weird and creative his creation is. God isn’t in a box, and he does unexpected things.

Basically when asked how he felt about my sexuality and gender, his response was—

“I love you. And I want you to love others.”

It’s still hard sometimes. There are many things I’m unlearning. But the condemnation I feel never comes from him.

So, I say all that to hopefully encourage you. Our paths may be different and maybe God speaks to you in a different way than he has to me, but there’s one thing he will always be consistent on and that is his unconditional love for you. You’re gay and he loves you.

I don’t believe this means he may not call you to singleness—He calls both straight and gay people to that sometimes. Not because it’s wrong to be in a relationship but because there are other plans he has. (This may not be your struggle, but I thought it might be a good example)

The only part of yourself that he asks you to give up is the part that chooses fear instead of love.

You’re so beloved, my friend. And only you can know what God is saying to your heart, but I know for a fact it will always be with love. So, while you’re figuring out how to be both authentically, cast all those cares on him because he cares for you.

I hope you found encouragement in this. May God bless you and keep you, and make his face shine upon you, my friend. ❤️

[pleasesendfrogs]

TW: transphobia, suicide mentions, ableism, racism, basically everything horrible white people created.

ever since i was little, i knew that i was different. i knew the way that my brain worked was unique. i knew the way that i acted was odd. i was different.

i loved the way that teachers said "everybody is unique!" because it made me feel like maybe, just maybe, i wasn't wrong. it only took a little while for me to realize that "everybody" didn't include me.

i knew i was a girl, but i didn't want to be. not in the sense that i didn't want to do stereotypical little girl things, i did, oddly enough, but in the sense that i was not a girl. maybe i was a boy, i thought, but maybe i was something else.

i came out as queer at age eleven. i was young, but i knew that i loved women and that i shouldn't love women. my mother took it well, although she thought it was a phase. my dad, an autistic, emotionally unavailable man didn't want "that life" for me.

i questioned my gender for the entirety of middle school, but when a child less than a year younger than me came out as transgender, their father killed himself. i decided to drop any idea of being trans.

i wore a pride flag to school one day as a protest.

i was scared, and i kept it in my bag mostly, but during the morning, i had it over my shoulders like a cape; i was a superhero. apparently superheros aren't invulnerable to slurs and rocks being thrown at them, because that night i attempted suicide for the first time in my life.

i watched as people purposefully misgendered trans kids. i watched as parents came to school board meetings, arguing that the sixteen year old with crippling dysphoria was going to cause their children to turn gay. i watched as the child whose father killed himself said that it was just a phase, he couldn't be gay. i watched as slurs were written on bathroom walls and before i knew it, i was the only queer kid left at my school; everyone else had left.

i ignored any questions i had about who i was; i lost my identity. i was a graveyard of hopes and dreams for a normal life. still, no matter how hard i tried, no matter how many masks i wore, no matter how many jokes i made, i was not normal.

i became popular. i was openly queer, and although some people still yelled at me for it, still threw things, most people ignored it. in return, i ignored the slurs about trans people. i ignored the red-necked, white teenagers as they compared trans people to nazis. i ignored the hatred. i ignored it until a black hole formed in my gut. i ignored it because they weren't saying it about me, no, they said i was "one of the good ones," and at least i wasn't trans, because maybe being gay could be forgivable to the lord, but not being trans, never that.

the black hole grew and it sucked up every ounce of dignity i thought i had. it swallowed and grew until there was nothing left of me, i was the black hole.

and when i lost my popularity, when i realized it was just a ploy to make them feel better about themselves, i accepted it. i became the black hole.

i grew to become something they hated, something unforgivable.

[chaoxfix]

Hey, i might be wrong but i think i remember you making a post for international women's day, and in it you said that you went through a period of thinking you werent a woman at all but then realised you were actually a lesbian. I just wanted to ask how you figured it out? I cant figure out if im a trans guy or a lesbian and I'm sort of desperate for guidance rn. Sorry this is a bit out of the blue and i totally get it if you dont wanna talk about it. Hope you're having a good day and take care!

ah, this is definitely a tough one, so please know that wherever your journey takes you i hope you find happiness and peace! im also not the end-all-be-all and im also not the sexuality and gender police. people can have similar experiences and feelings and still end up using different terminology and understanding themselves completely in a way that's totally different from one another, so please don't feel the need to use my experience as a roadmap for yourself.

under the cut in case discussion of sexuality and gender is triggering! genuinely, for my trans followers especially, please don't feel the need to look at this if it's something you would be uncomfortable reading. my journey definitely doesn't need to be yours.

in the end there are a few important details for why i ended up thinking i was a guy, or at least nonbinary

grew up evangelical christian and never really believed or felt the faith i was 'supposed' to feel. i also had trouble connecting with my family since they earnestly did believe it. i felt like a stranger in my own home, and worried that someday they'd disown me. i was also terrified of hell, and of 'sinning'. (making mistakes - see 4)

realized i liked girls when i was 12 and not only did i not know much about being gay aside from it being a 'sin', every girl in my grade talked so much about crushes when we were 12 that i felt super isolated from them as a peer group. due to 1 (the evangelical thing) i also grew up knowing my expectation in god's eyes was to be a christian wife and mom someday, and even aside from the 'sin' aspect and the disowning aspect, realizing i liked girls and didnt really like boys, the evangelical ideal for me was suddenly so, so terrifying.

i believed i was a tomboy growing up, but ultimately had to play with mostly feminine toys bc thats what i was given. i wanted to play with my brother but i was often left behind. i had a pretty lonely childhood and associated close friendships with my brother and his friends, not me and the other girls on the playground. when i was really little my best friend was a boy who stopped being friends with me because 'girls cant play power rangers or star wars' so that was probably pretty impactful on my psyche.

i was terrified of making mistakes due to my evangelical upbringing. because i didnt have faith i was so, so terrified of anything i did that could be considered wrong. i wanted to banish everything i'd ever done wrong, even the tiniest misstep, from everyone's memory as well as my own.

i grew up feeling guilty for any of my accomplishments because i was compared favorably to my brother and instead of feeling proud of myself, i felt like the worst person alive if i was being used as 'motivation' or a 'positive example.'

i wanted so badly to be respected by peers. but there were instances where i was told at like. debate teams. 'wow, i thought you were just here to look pretty'

an older trans friend told me he wished he'd known he was trans at my age so he wouldn't have wasted so much time, and told me i was probably trans too because he'd been just like me a few years ago, and that i should get started on social transition so it'd be easier to transition medically when i was older

i had a lot of tomboy interests, and grew up really enjoying mostly 'boy' cartoons. i also really wanted to get into parkour and obstacle courses and the punk scene, which had mostly guys where i lived

i really, really, really hated myself. i would try to reinvent myself every time i moved, but no matter what, i was still myself wherever i went -- awkward, shy, smart and interesting but always puts my foot in my mouth eventually. the only way to avoid that would be to completely change myself. every memory i had, i wanted to get rid of and replace with one from someone better.

i hated my name and body and face and personality and voice and hobbies. everything that's hardest to change, i hated viscerally.

so basically, those were the top 10 reasons i thought i was trans. ultimately, i ended up not being trans. but i thought i was for the better part of 5 years, closer to 6 altogether. i went by a gender neutral name for most of that time. every day i went by that name i was convinced that someday it'd actually feel like me, and i'd feel better for changing my name. but it never really happened. but i still hated my birth name, too, so... what was the issue? i couldnt figure it out, and was so, so anxious about it.

well, turns out the issue was reasons 9 and 10. i hated myself. and that issue was caused by 1. all of it ties back to being raised evangelical christian.

ultimately, ive been dealing with handling my depression and self-hate and anxiety. and i realized that, for me, trying to be a boy, or at least not a girl, was part of me just wanting to destroy myself in any way i could.

when i was 12, i wanted to kill myself, or at least do it by 18. when i was 14, i was presented with the option of reinventing myself as a completely different person. that seemed like the better option. but i think, overall, i didn't need to destroy anything or become someone completely different.

in the end, i don't hate myself for believing i was trans for 5+ years. i wasn't correct in my assessment of myself, but obsessing over it wouldn't really do any good at this point, so i try not to overthink it. im just sad that i didnt address the actual issues i had, and instead blanketed over them with the wrong solution.

the reason i don't see myself as nonbinary or trans anymore is because i was using it to fix the problem that i thought i had, not the problem i actually did. to me, even though i sincerely believed i was at the time, i think it was a way to not be the definition of woman that my parents had. (also, especially when i'd been assaulted at a pretty young age, as soon as i was starting to 'look like a woman' it felt safer to not become one...)

anyways. i think what i needed to do all along was just hate myself less, and try to like myself more.

that's hard to do. but it came in time, with focusing on hobbies that i genuinely enjoy. making connections and friendships that i felt seen and appreciated in, not just tolerated. pushing back on my family's views. understanding that being a woman doesn't have to mean settling down with a husband and having kids. it also meant finding jobs and careers that i feel like the best version of myself in, where i feel like im doing something good for both myself and others. and trying not to base my style or my appearance on how others would view me, but instead of how i wanted to view myself.

i hope this helps you sort through your thoughts!

[ask-johnny-ghost]

Yay! So where to start? So: are you aware that Spooker is also our sibling? Anyway… we grew up with two parents! Our Ren and our Mom. You’re around 6 years older than me. You taught me everything I know about the paranormal! Though you’re really mad I grew to be taller than you…

You’re still the leader of the team. And you’re not out yet, but everyone is positive you’re gay. We all know you’re trans, that’s never been a secret.

Also: I’m pretty sure you’re in love with Toast in our dimension. But you’re not aware of it yourself. (What is your relationship with him like outside of the whole being married thing? How did that happen? *not pulling out a notepad to jot down notes for my Ghost*). Toast is also very in love with Mary, and you’re jealous as HELL, but you don’t even fucking realize.

But you are a great big brother! And you’re also very against me and Spooker being apart of PLEASE and PIE, despite you being the one who taught us everything. I don’t even get that.

You also got us in trouble at one point for making a bomb out of our dumpster, peanut butter, spare wires, and an old Barbie doll. Mom and Ren were very upset with us. (But thus the purpose of the pocket peanut butter, right? ;) )

Anyway… that’s all that comes to mind. Oh! And you’re also basically a prodigy here. You and Toast both. The Director really likes you guys, and you’re both the best investigators they have. It’s why you’re both the head of our team! I just… sometimes I wish you weren’t such a prodigy so that you could spend more time with us like when we were kids…

I am so sorry. That got too emotional there at the end.

- Kitty

(Via @bstrooberyspierewrite )

To start: Toast is dictating as I speak. (Hello, Johnathan here. I'll stay in the parentheses for my own thoughts. :)

(Sir is laughing aloud about your Ghost being gay too.)

Knowing me, I'm absolutely in love with Toast in your dimension. That tracks. Being clueless about it, though.. not as much. I personally always knew I had a crush on Toast, even when we were kids, and even before I had come out as either trans OR gay. ..I also can't say I was jealous of Mary, mostly because I didn't have.. time to be. That was during a period of my life I don't remember real well- Toast was off in Britain doing.. whatever the hell British people do.

(The Casket years. I was at Uni.)

I'm happy to hear I make a good brother! I never had siblings, so that's kind of an odd perspective to hear about. Never thought I'd be good at anything of the sort, haha. And yeah man, don't worry about getting emotional-.. that makes sense. Tell other-me to get his act together and spend more time with you, at my request. He can still do his investigating schtick while maintaining relationships.

..I promise.

(Sir is telling me to post it now. Thank you for the ask!)

[adhd-mode-activate]

I pray that all of y'all are able to experience the gift that is teachable parents.

I grew up in a conversative Christian family (in my immediate family, I mean conversative in the religious sense. In my extended family, there are political conversative, but my parents strongly disagree with them). For years what I knew of the LGBTQ community was my aunt and her wife (who are quite frankly awful people; smol me assumed any gay person I met would hate me because I was a Christian) and what I googled at 2 AM

I didn't realize I was demi until I was 18 and went on a deep dive research hole in my dorm. I was scared to say anything to anyone. I assumed I'd be an outcast in the culture I grew up in, but I also didn't think anyone else would accept me.

I don't really know how it happened, but four years later I've got some of the coolest friends ever. One of my best friends thinks I'm crazy for the labels I collect like the human personification of a crow (which is where one of my nicknames comes from), but she loves me anyway. The other thinks I'm crazy for my faith, but she doesn't hate me for it. Instead, she asks me questions that I love to answer. I'm a demiromantic/biromantic asexual who's 90% sure that she's a girl about...60% of the time (gender is confusing, y'all), and I'm comfortable with that

And my parents? Well, it took three attempts at describing demisexuality to my mom for her to "get" it. She didn't understand how it was different from "normal" (mom, I've heard you talk about how you fell in love with my dad, and the one other person you dated before that, and how you couldn't imagine dating someone you weren't friends with first. There might be a reason you thought being demi was normal). But the thing is? After initially saying that she didn't understand, she was the one to come back and say "I've been thinking about it, and I realized I didn't handle that well. Could you explain again?" It took a while for me to come out to my parents. Little by little, testing the waters because of my irrational fears of disappointing them. They're not disappointed. My mom doesn't agree with me on everything, but she trusts me. If she has a question about anything related to attraction or gender identity or mental health, she asks me, because she trusts that even if we end up disagreeing, she'll learn something. My dad is a man of few words, but he will not hesitate to call out what he thinks is wrong. So the fact that he listens when I pace the room, verbally tearing apart an argument against trans rights, means a lot. Not only does he listen, he helps me strengthen my arguments. Any time I find a new fight, he gives me the resources and the weapons to wield it. He's a historian and a good one. When I am grieved and angry and bitter at the wrongs I see hidden behind the name of Christianity, he shows me history and where it's happened before and how it was righted. And then tells me to go. Keep making friends, keep putting my anger to good use, keep loving as deeply as I do. because if no one is angered by injustices they are never righted

My parents are still conversative Christians. They understand that I make decisions they never could. They know I will challenge them on things they never would have thought about, go places they never could, interact with people they never will interact with. But they're willing to learn from me. They're willing to trust me, willing to disagree with me without breaking the relationship. They're willing to be a safe space for any friend who is not safe in their own home for whatever reason. I pray that all of y'all will have parents like that, who even if they don't agree with you on everything, trust you (which I think is a healthy thing, each generation should grow and learn from the previous one and be willing to challenge things their predecessors wouldn't without losing the good already done)

And, if you don't think that's possible, you can have mine. Considering the fact that my mom was giddy when I told her I'd adopted a couple of my younger friends, and nearly cried with happiness when I told her that of course they could be her grandkids, she'll love you. My dad will be glad to show you one of his special interests (history, theology, cooking, or the potato cannon he and my brother built out of PVC pipe in the back yard are good starts if you're curious what special interests he might have). My mom will lavish you with all the affection you could ever want and then some. My dad will make you laugh when your emotions threaten to drown you.

If you don't have a home, I offer mine. Welcome home.