#thought after a few more dates
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Writing or drawing always end up kinda the same way :
I notice a plot hole/interesting dynamic to play with ; i start to daydream about it whenever I draw something else or vibe to music ; it gets fleshed out slowly by thinking and imagining scenes in my heads ; I get the urge to draw/write ; i either draw something (either full on illustration or refs) or write out the scene i replayed endless time. Rinse and repeat until I get confused on the timeline of stuff. Only then do i (in both cases) write out an outline. I try to stay vague and only the plot defining moments/cool scene I really want to keep to not loose the fuel. That works... Sometimes lmao
For comics it's a bit different.
I get an idea (more often than not very vague) and write the dialogues. Something nice and quick paced. Then I draw out the thumbnails. Something nice and quick to get a good reading flow. Most of the time I redo my pages bigger to have a better idea of how to place my character/object/text in each frame. Then it's my usual drawing process : 1/2 sketchs. Line. Flats. Multiply, overlay and luminosity away.
And for characterization OH BOI that's another can of worms.
For me, it's like getting to know someone. At first, you're trying to get a feel with pretty general informations : what age feels right, personality, personal background. In this stage, the character feels a bit one dimensional, not much in the way of deeper motivations or goals. From there, I just put them in dire/interesting situations. I gauge their reactions from writing it out or just imagining it. Getting to know slowly how they would react all the while keeping in mind their past experiences, likes, dislikes and (once I know enough) I set a clear goal for them.
All in all, it's also impacted by others headcanons or just random thoughts. Sometimes I ask myself "would Y like lemons ?" And I have this feeling it's "yes, they munch on it like a feral animal and that's concerning." In a way, it's playing god by putting characters in random situations and just observing how they resolve it on their own. More than I choose their way of acting, I get to know them ? They act and I write. Sometimes they don't do something I expect and just write themself.
OK, so I was inspired and now I wanna start a bigger conversation and I wanna know: fic writers, comic makers, au creators, etc. how do you do it? How do you go from plot bunny or story idea to completed chapters/story/comic update? What's your process? What programs do you use? Do you draft stuff? Outline? Storyboard? Do you chart or sketch? How do you settle on characters and characterizations? How do you plot (or do you)? I wanna know all the nitty gritty details. It's just so interesting because everyone does it so differently.
#lots of rambling#most of my process works around and with my ADHD#i HAVE to keeo each steps as engaging and new as the previous one to not loose the motivation/interest#sometimes its frustrating because its less about disliking the current projet and more my brain being difficult#it makes long winded projects like comics hard to manage long term withour burn out#have to do the best with the cards i was dealt#at least i have a very good visualization capacity#pretty much a 10/10 imagination to reality perception#i can see the sillies in my brain like in cinema#well that's a bit different but its the closest comparition i can explain fast#anyways lots of my process is dissociating into the story and shaking my motivation back and forth to keep it going#rambling#reblog 💜#characterization is so weird to me#be it canon characters or ocs#its like sitting into a speed dating room#you never what will come at your table next#thought after a few more dates#you get a hint to who they are more clearly
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Loudest Silence
YA contemporary
a newly Deaf-Hard of hearing girl moves across the country and starts a new school, struggling with navigating her disability and love for singing and lost friendships - determined to not make any new friends for the year she’s in Florida
and a boy struggling with family expectations and anxiety, after being made the fútbal captain even though he secretly ways to be on broadway, who quickly befriends her
bi & aroace-coded MCs
#The Loudest Silence#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#hm this was okay! it’s a sweet and light YA contemporary focusing on friendship and disability.#It’s a little cheesy; and I liked the immediate easy friendship (well; after a few false starts) and how welcoming Hayden's#friend group/family were. I like how they all jumped to learning/practicing ASL.#I liked how Casey was dealing with her newfound Deafness with a lot of positivity - the main frustrations being how other people treat her#but there’s also the underlying isolation and grief. At the same time it didn't go as deep as it could have with that?#The friendship is central to the story - but honestly I feel like Casey and Hayden’s relationship doesn’t develop past ‘they’re friends now#[continues other subplots] - it ends up being a bit telling not showing their friendship. And then she gets a love interest.#I feel like if you’re centering your book on being a platonic love story - rare in YA! - giving one a love interest kinda goes against#what’s supposed to be unique about it? Like it wasn’t overwhelming and I thought it was sweet actually; I just didn’t come here for that.#I always find it a little odd when YA contemporary books don’t explicitly name their aroace characters as aroace -#obviously I prefer an exploration of experiences to just using the word and nothing else; but in this genre; why not both?#considering various other identity labels are used and discussed there were various points where it felt like it was walking circles#around where it would be obvious to say “no I’m aroace” lmao?#And there’s a point where Casey mentions seeing an ace sticker on his guitar - the only reason it wasn’t an aroace sticker is bc#that would have ruined the minor subplot of her assuming he’s gay/dating his other friend. It felt like a slightly odd way to mention it?#but also I guess I appreciate it being evident throughout but also being a non-issue plot wise - while there’s a couple of moments#of people making romantic assumptions about them;for the most part it’s just treated normally for a boy & girl to be friends (as it should!#It does get points for mentioning people watching by conan grey LMAO (not that it really explores him feeling that way specifically;#but I mean same lol)#Overall plot-wise - there were kind of a lot of things going on and it petered out a bit? I wanted some more depth in some areas.#Also I feel like some of the references seemed out of date for current teens haha.#i do love the love for unusual pets (hairless cat and iguana)#aroace books#bisexual books
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oversharing in the tags time :)
#i think it’s time i go back to therapy#i keep having recurring nightmares about my ex best friend#or dreams where she reaches out to me. and explains why she cut me out#backstory. in high school had a lesbian toxic situationship with my#bestie. THEN i had another one. which kinda overlapped? the first one was open but also just messy#anyways. jade and i were like together for a year. then she got a boyfriend one day and i had a breakdown#it happened just after high school and i was sooooo … unwell. wasn’t out to my family felt like i was gonna die etc etc#(this is all pre dnp btw) anyways next year i found dnp. a couple months later she broke up with her bf#and we sorted dated for a while (this whole time we’d been just friends and i was still not really over it but hiding it)#and then she dated ANOTHER guy. they broke up and she had a breakdown and moved 9 hours away. i went#to visit her for a month. we like kinda dated again then and i thought we could make it work. then 2020. no travel#so she started dating a guy. didn’t tell me. even though we spoke every day. she moved in with him#then she breaks up with him mid 2021. i started dating my gf. but Jade was clingy and it was awkward#she started dating a sketchy guy who was homophobic. i went and visited her a few times#start of 2023 she tells me she wants to make more of an effort cause he didn’t like her friends so she cut everyone out. then she ghosted#in feb 2023. we had tickets for#mcr in march. i had to text her cause she’d blocked me on messenger and said im going to the concert whether she’s there or not#she said ‘yeah no worries! you can take someone else in my place too 😎’ she used that fucking emoji#and I haven’t spoken to her since. I think she quit her job . and that guy was not a nice man#so I still worry about her#writing this all down makes me realise she was a bitch and I deserve better#but I just want closure. it isn’t fair she replied so casually to my text when I said ‘you’ve blocked me’#it isn’t fair she HAS MY SIGNED COPY OF DANS BOOK#anyways. I need therapy to get over this#and I haven’t even written about my family issues (im#out and they’re supportive but my god they fucked me#up as a kid)#if you read this hi 👋 hope you are having a lovely day#don’t get in lesbian situationships!!!
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so much art about being rejected romantically and not enough about how devastating it is to find out someone was only interested in you romantically and therefore your rejection of their romantic intentions is also their rejection of your platonic intentions
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...So, after I communicated that (his "not a huge texter"ness aside) I wanted us to text just a *little* more so we'd keep connecting while he's "had a lot going on" (even suggesting Snapchat for that and that I'd be here if he wanted to talk about some of it [even though we'd only hung twice, we've been friends on IG for a year]) after he last apologized for disappearing got no response, and after my check-in a week or so ago about how his week had gone gave me nothing, I sent a last text two weeks ago seeing if we were still talking and he still did want to hang out again but "all good if not" and even that got no reply--of course, note that he has had time throughout all this to check out my IG stories, yet still wouldn't communicate...
And turns out he's still been on the Apps (TM) as I've been waiting to hear back either way on that--with a guy leaving him a little hookup review on the site we started talking on last night 🙃 (which also complimented his gorgeous eyes I wanted to see again 🥲)
Having only hung twice (drinks/hookup early Aug and a dinner late Aug [with a hookup pre-empted by leaks from some rain that night that he had to tend to bc of his building super phoning in some repairs, but we kissed on making that up on Labor Day and he flaked, though he at least apologized the next day]), I didn't make much of seeing him there sometimes thinking we were still vibing well enough, but it felt shitty seeing that review when I also said i missed him in that text and he still hadnt replied to me--and while I was taking him at his word that things were too hectic on his end to hang out based on what he told me at dinner was going on and giving him space. Like, how much of that has been true the last couple weeks?
After fighting it a bit, I sent him an actual last text earlier to get it off my chest, saying i would've liked a reply either way, that i couldve worked with him wanting to just be casual or friends if he said so, and how I'd like to think he was being honest about how hectic things were but it felt shitty seeing him getting that review when I've thought we still had chemistry, be it casual or more. We'll see if he replies and doesn't just block me on things (he hasn't yet on that site), though I might softblock him if he just views my stories again... But just from how much energy I've spent trying to check in on him and what we're doing (and him rarely checking on me, which should've been a sign) and in overthinking how I wanted to text him about how we were feeling... It helped in August that he would reaffirm that he was interested, and I told him at dinner that I liked being reassured some so I know not to overthink things, but there was little of that through September, and i thought he'd take me up on Snap 😔
Especially sucks since he would've also been nice to talk to given my grandma's worsening health and how he'd recently lost his, but since he hasn't cared to see how I'm doing... Mom's probably going to have to unplug her this week, and while I'm mostly doing okay about her because I knew this might have been in the cards for months (she'd needed an oxygen machine for a while and was sent to the ER twice between Aug and Sept due to liquid in her lungs, the latter time leading to her being in intensive care and then out of there now and mostly stable but intubated and apparently only doing 3% of her breathing herself and not really responsive), naturally it has been tough on Mom, and tbh it's also sorta scaring me a bit about having to be in a similar position with her or dad in the next 20-30+ years (they're 60 and 63 now)... or even my being on the other end of it whenever that time comes... iunno, just existentialist thoughts i guess, this is kinda just turning into freeform lol. My sisters, dad, and I will likely split funeral costs too, can't believe it's almost $5K to hold one for someone... We did hope to get her back to the DR sometime, and it is sad it most likely won't be under more ideal circumstances.
Anyway, really just wanted to vent about that guy but squeezing in grandma thoughts helped a little; I remember trying to do some occasional journaling a while back which did somewhat help keep me from bottling up thoughts so might find my way back to it somewhat.
[Ofc, it would be nice if a cute guy would hit me up on said Apps to help me take a load off too 😩 (if one doesn't compliment my Digimon crest necklace or band shirts when I'm out and about soon 😩) It doesn't help that I've still had how this guy rimmed me and how hot he and his dick were in mind since our only hookup... Wouldve been nice having a sexy socialist bf or FWB if communication was better, but oh well there should be others right]
#ore no inochi#had a few too many thoughts to just vent about in the tags of an emoji post lol#but yeah it's been funny seeing him active on the Apps when i'm literally here for him--we live 10 mins apart--if he'd said what he wanted#probably shouldve talked expectations at dinner in late Aug but with the chemistry it felt like we wanted to feel out going for more#oh well#anyway should probably order dinner#this at least taught me how i value communication even if they're 'not a huge texter'#Taylor last year saying 'let's be friends' after our five hours of drinks/anime talk hurt some but i liked that for his being honest#and teaching me that i'd like going on more dates#it's nice finding a lesson in things at leasr#*least#...tumblr pls make tags editable on mobile already gdi
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I like it when old people have romance plots in media. Divorced parent gets a new partner and their child loves them. Widow re-marries and finds happiness with their new spouse. Old gays finally able to have their dream wedding and live their lives openly. Elders finding love in a nursing home found-family style. Just. People older than 30 falling in love and having fulfilling relationships is what I mean. Because all I see ever is divorce plots and grief and loneliness because apparently you can only ever be happy and have fun as a teen/young adult. The moment you hit a certain age you stop being elegible for the role rom-com protagonist. It's a little discouraging tbh. I want to see that change.
#What I mean to say is. We need more shows like Grace and Frankie. There I said it.#A while ago I watched a few episodes out of order because my mom really likes it and she was binging it#And I wasn't really paying that much attention to it#But I thought it was sweet. Like genuinely. These people are having struggles with their relationships yes.#They have children. Grandchildren. They have struggles.#But it's still a rom-com. It's all lighthearted and focused of the unlikely friendship of these women#After having their lives shaken by the revelation that their life partners are actually gay#And also there's Jewish representation. Idk if it's good. But listen.#I'm just happy old people got their well-deserved silly plot with silly overly convoluted love triangles and online dating#AND ITS ALL SO UPBEAT!!#Anyway#queer#Also queerplatonic relationships pog#Media#romance#Tehanu is a good book also. If you even care#It's not a comedy#But it's still very sweet. Everyone here is really sad and traumatized but they love each other so much. They had enough adventures#It's time to settle down. Adopt a child. Have a low-stakes plot. Falling in love. Found family.
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doodles of danny's ex-wife and ex-stepson i really liked
#love händel#pnf danny#danny pnf#love handel#phineas and ferb oc#myart.jpg#i have. an embarrassing amount of thoughts about them ajskaka.#basically a few years after the band broke up. trish was smoking outside the barbershop waiting for her son's haircut to wrap up#when she wandered into danny's shop to browse#they got into talking and discoursing over music (she loves nü metal btw) and they meshed really well#they started dating and later married. but it didn't last very long; it all started and ended within 3 years#(they did love each other but trish felt like he wasn't really *in love* with her#that they were more like roommates who made out sometimes. it hurt to leave but she was tired of settling)#for what its worth danny was a pretty good step-dad to jordan. once they got over the initial awkwardness#jordan was/is sullen and moody and slow to warm up to him#but danny was overall a chill and patient dude so he wasn't in his face which reduced a lot of potential friction#their first real bonding moment was when jordan started experimenting with makeup and danny was real encouraging#gave him pointers and tips. they got a lot closer after that
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it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!
#like it actually doesnt make me sad because there wouldve been major complications Had we dated#and the person who i trust most in this world has told me theyre glad it didnt happen#and i think in the long run he’s not the First person i should date anyway like in an ideal world we’d date like. 2-3 years on from now when#i’d been in at least one relationship to work out how i operate in a relationship#but it’s also like i wish i had known that the opportunity was there and i wish i had taken it#and part of me goes well maybe in 2-3 years it COULD happen#but i think that does a disservice to the person he’s dating now like . i do hope they’re happy and it goes well for the both of them#AND ALSO ITS WEIRD AS FUCK TO BE LIKE OH WELL MAYBE IN A FEW YEARS ILL DATE THIS PERSON *AFTER* another person??????#like bitch who do you think u are that you’ll have managed to date ANYONE in that time and also why the fuck would u date someone without#hoping it would last????????#but thoughts ≠ action nor are they inherently moralistic#but also that’s a weird way 2 think about relationships#it’d be funny if it happened though#idk i just think that if the timing was different he and i could have so much fun dating like genuinely i think it’d be a really good time#but it’s really weird because i’m not pining away after him or anything like ik it sounds like i am#but it’s not like that it’s more just that it’s opened up all these thoughts that i hadn’t really thought possible before ?#and they’re not possible NOW bc he’s dating someone else so i’m in exactly the same position but idk#i think i’m getting too settled. i’m TOO SETTLED.#because it’s literally not normal to think oh maybe in three years we could date and it’d be better timing for both of us ???????????#unhinged behaviour. what the fuck is that.#it’d be fucking hilarious if it happened tho
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tour??? what the hell do you mean TOUR???
#what is this timing. i thought they wouldn't announce until at least after the festivals + cb#me just a few weeks ago thinking if their asia dates start when i'm in asia i might try to do singapore or bangkok#then their bangkok concert is the same day i fly back to europe 🤡#hoping europe doesn't start until at least spring 2025 bc i nee time to financially recover from my new york trip in september#hoping europe has more than just berlin/paris/london lol#please come to me i don't want to travel for concerts anymore it's absolute hell#jen rambles
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thinkinggg about. race in adventure time
#random thoughts#adventure time#okay so in the original show there were very few characters of color because humans are basically extinct#and ive seen some people discuss how at appropriates aave despite the mc being a white boy#and (more importantly in my opinion) most of the staff being white#and then in fionna and cake they decided to make marshall lee physically black#and you'd think his mom'd be white right? because marceline's whole thing is her being divided between two halves of herself#which could be sooo an allegory for growing up biracial#but like? they made his mom also black?#which i assume they did because they didn't want to make it a 'white parent is toxic towards their black child' storyline#buuuut since marceline's physical characteristics were tied to her demon bloodline and marshall obviously takes after his mom...?#like you could make the argument that they're implying SOMETHING there#and adding onto the theme of characters voiced by white actors being voiced by poc in the genderswap (marshall y cake)#DID YOU KNOW FLAME PRINCE IS VOICED BY HANNIBAL BURESS???#which like. i was thinking about how flame princess's role in the show seemed kinda like#okay so there's this video by harriyanna hook about the disposable black girlfriend trope in svtfoe specifically#and flame princess (from what i remember dude i gotta rewatch at) seemed to have been used by finn narratively to grow as a character?#and also there's the whole 'pb stealing a part of fp's culture for what she claims is the greater good' thing#and her dad's voiced by the president from rick and morty. and he's a strict dad who won't let his daughter date a white boy#(which is SUBVERTED when he reveals he keeps her contained for safety purposes or whatever but it's still there)#at is kind of fucked with parents in general tbh#god i need to rewatch it. analyze it
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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..
#so i'm part of the mrballen server#and one time we had a joke about starting a matchmaking channel#so people could say they met and fell in love in a discord server#it was funny and after that we just carried on as usual#then one day i get a message from a guy who's in the server#and he's introducing himself and whatnot#i thought it would be like we chat every now and then type thing but like...#it's so much more#i literally made a joke about matchmaking in the server and i'm dating someone from the server now 🤣#he lives in ny so we were able to meet pretty easily#and y'all...he is FOINE#he's Ukrainian and so shy about his English but it's fine lol#he does construction#right now he's in the Philippines for 3 weeks building a fucking oil rig and I've been worried since he left#but he messages me every day though there's a 12 hour time difference#i really like him y'all#he's a single dad of 2 daughters and he's so amazing with them#he's a few years older than me which I prefer#he's just an all around good guy#and i wouldn't mind if things got a bit more serious between us...
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not to be back on my bullshit already but like. ford talking about how he doesn't understand romance in journal 3 quite literally does not prove he's ace in any sense of the definition unless you assume only ace people struggle with traditional relationship models (literally not fucking true??) or that aro people are always/usually ace (I am beating you with a broom). it's evidence towards him being aro if anything!
but even then I think that's an accidental meaning in the writing. the passage exists to show how detached ford is from the sheer idea of family and how he doesn't understand fiddleford's attachment to his wife and son! it's also a subtle reason to show why the pines family might not notice anything after the portal incident (i.e- ford didn't talk to his parents or sister much, if at all, after moving to gravity falls.)
it's even more frustrating when ppl mention that line... and then make him alloace?????
#☢️.txt#yknow what fuck it!#ford pines#i wouldnt mind ace ford pines hcs so much if they didnt so often use evidence towards him being aro as the evidence of being ace???#also im gonna be real the 'ford dated a siren' joke is just way funnier if hes aro#im not even attached to him being aro. im more attatched to gay monsterfucker ford pines#but then again i think most aroallo ppl are a bit on edge after what happened in the aromantic subreddit a few weeks ago#(mods banned all mentions of sex and sex-related banners for a few days before reversing it when people pointed out how insane that is)#oh and i also just think the stuff about how ford sees family is much more interesting in that paragraph#it both explains why stan hasnt had any significant pushback (bc even tho he can imitate him the career change had to be a shock!)#and why ford resorted to stan for help over anyone else in his family (he didnt talk to them nor did he feel any sense of closeness)#fords idea of family is soooo fucked up. its all filbricks fault btw but like#it was easier for him to reach out to stan. whos location he had to actively track down and who he thought didnt respect his career ambition#than just like fucking. calling shermie or one of his research mentors#at the absolute height of his paranoia he still felt that he could trust stan deep down and no one talks about this
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why’s it so embarrassing when u start catching feelings for someone aaaaaahhhhhh
#he’s simply a Silly Goofy Guy#not beating the Goofy Bi Guy stereotype lol#I do feel quite silly waitin for his ig notifs since he started dming me tho#unfortunately I do be Experiencing Feelings 😔#but also fun vibes cause it’s been awhile since I Started Talking To someone irl (like not including dating app chats)#not that we’re Talking™. idk if we are. idk. social interactions are confusing lol#maybe we are maybe not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#we messaged a bit yesterday when he messaged first#then today I sent him a meme & we’ve been messaging for awhile#he’s working on a play & we we’re chatting before the show started & I thought that might’ve been it#but he messaged again after it finished & we’ve been talking a lil while now too :)#he’s rly friendly tho & we were kinda just becoming friends so it could well be just Next Stage Of Friendship#cause it’s not like either of us have said anything flirty or anything. just talkin & joking#plus he’s a few years younger than me- not in a creepy way. both legal adults in college-#I just usually have a weird thing with age gaps over like 2 years because of a personal negative experience#so it would just make me feel better if I don’t initiate anything first#I’ll let him do that if he wants to & then ask if he had any thoughts about the bit of age difference#if anything were to get that far. who’s to say. he’s a v chill platonic friend too if that’s where things go :)#need more funny goofy friends in my life :)#ok I’m done lmao#shroomie rambles#shroomie long tags
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i feel like dating is like playing chess u gotta pick your moves right and particularly and carefully but make one wrong move and then regicide happens
#i got that tism in me#nothing happened im just thinking. i've literally never been more aware of dating and stuff than these last few weeks#ITS TOO EARLY ITS TOO EARLY but after my coffeeshop au manifestation of repressed thoughts moment today i'm having weirdness in me#im gonna repress it though. nothing is the matter.
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