#thought about meteion & hermes too much and now i have Feelings

[haunted-xander]

Upon your return, I will gift you a beautiful flower

[brineffxiv]

We're having a nice chat back in Anagnorisis when suddenly we're interrupted by a researcher. A seasoned researcher, by his title. Apparently, something has happened with one of the creations. A "lykaon".

The lykaon has been indiscriminately slaughtering other creations with no provocation. It sounds like this has been an ongoing problem, and it has finally reached the point where the researcher in charge of them has concluded they need to be reverted. This news seems to distress Hermes, and he rushes off to the scene of the incident. We follow him.

No sooner do we arrive at the scene of the slaughtered okyupetes than Hermes is off again. Meteion and I catch up to him just as he himself finds Doros; the researcher in charge of the lykaons.

Doros appears to have done his due diligence in determining the fate of the lykaeons: they are unsuited to any environment and must be reverted. Nevertheless, Hermes wants to ensure all avenues have been explored. Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus will accompany him to this meeting.

Meanwhile, I get to babysit Meteion.

Which isn't a bad thing. I like Meteion.

That's a Deep Thought, little bird. You're touching on a debate we still deal with in the real world, and one for which there are no easy answers.

Meteion wants to find a flower for Hermes, to help cheer him up after what will surely be a fraught meeting. We consider several less than ideal candidates - including a morbol - before once again stumbling across Elpis flowers.

Hermes apparently has a complicated relationship to the Elpis flowers, as they reveal his internal pain to a world that can rarely empathize. When I tell Meteion that I, too, have seen the flowers dark she asks to borrow my pain. She wants me to turn the flowers dark in front of Hermes, to show him that he's not alone.

OOF. Oof, I say. Dear reader, forgive me for forgetting which of you told me to keep playing, because there was some plot I could relate to. You were right. Ouch, right in the heart.

That night, with the meeting concluded, we lure Hermes over to the Elpis flowers and I get to work thinking dark thoughts. Meteion tells Hermes he's not alone, and that others feel sad too. And, while Hermes seems to be a bit off balance at how much Meteion has told me, he takes off his mask and asks to speak with me for a time.

Oh wow, Hermes, you have lovely eyes. OMG all the ancients are so beautiful! Goddamn!

Hermes is greatly distressed by what he sees as callous disregard for the lives of the creations under his supervision; death may be embraced by man as a reward, but no other lives are afforded that privilege. "Lesser" lives are brought into being and ended at will, with little regard for the individual experiences of the creation in question.

Hang on.

Was I supposed to feel guilty about Hythlodaeus making me the robe out of butterflies?! Hermes would definitely not approve of that.

I mean... I'm a level 90 leatherworker, and I harvest most of my materials myself. I can recognize and understand what Hermes is feeling without... necessarily agreeing with him.

But then, I am reminded - of all things - of school, and being required to dissect frogs. And I thought it abhorrent that we bring these creatures to life for the sole purpose of killing them. "Education" was such a paltry excuse, when a simple diagram would fulfill the same purpose.

I think, in the real world, Hermes would be a vegetarian.

What painful irony; that which so troubles you now your future self... future incarnation. It seems unfair to call Amon Hermes' own self. But regardless, that man will delight in brining upon others that which you so abhor.

You're not alone Hermes. Please remember that.

I get the feeling you've never opened up to anyone about this before. I think if you had, you'd find that you are not as nearly alone here in Elpis as you may think. On both fronts; your respect for the lives of the beings you tend here, and your feelings of sadness. Several of the sidequests I've been doing have touched on similar themes - there was a woman who did not wish for her mentor to pass on, and a group where we preformed a remembrance ceremony for deceased creations, among others. I wish I'd known these themes would come up or I'd have taken screencaps.

To wind up our heart-to-heart, Hermes tells me a secret: Meteion is one of many. Her sisters are even as we speak making their way from star to star, searching for other worlds and the life upon them. Hermes wants to know what those other beings live for.

I am... a little bit unnerved by this revelation. Oh dear. Especially when, as we are walking away, Meteion turns and looks skyward, as though she hears something... Hermes... Has it occurred to you that not everything you find out there will necessarily be... good?

I mean, the people that created Omega are out there somewhere. And Omega was just one of their weapons.

DID ALIENS CAUSE THE FINAL DAYS!?!?

In the morning, Doros has had an accident with the lykaeons; he's managed to take out four of them, but three have escaped. Hythlodaeus and Emet-Selch quickly locate the escapees and the two of them leave to take care of the ones that are flying above Elpis. Hermes and I are left to deal with the one hiding in the fields. So we do.

It was perhaps a mistake to give these creatures the power of flight.

Hermes is not dealing well with what we've been forced to do.

Hermes... This job is killing you. The responsibilities you are required to take on, the duty you are to perform... You are ill suited for it. And it's tearing you to pieces.

Emet, I swear to Zodiark if you say something insensitive... Hermes is having a wee bit of an emotional breakdown and the last thing he needs is your brand of conversation.

Oh right. That's why you're here; to offer him a different job.

I misjudged you. My apologies.

This is... perhaps not the place for it, but, in contrast to Hermes' pain, I think I am understanding why your future self looks back on the world now as a paradise. Not just because of the reasons you gave in the phantom Amaurot beneath the Tempest: it's because you are happy here. You are fulfilled in your purpose and duty, surrounded by those you love and who love you. You have friends and companions aplenty, and you are lauded and respected for the work you do. You see all of the good that your world and your people embody. What more could a man ask for?

In contrast, Hermes is-- Wait. It cannot be a coincidence that my path has led me here, to this time and place. I am here because something that happens here is the key to understanding the Final Days.

Hermes is experiencing anguish over what he sees as the wrongs of his society. He hates what is happening, feels alone in his suffering, and he's been experimenting with dynamis; the energy fueled by emotions.

Something Hermes has done, is doing, or is about to do is the key to the final days. Did he cause it?? That seems almost unfathomable. That a man as compassionate as Hermes would willingly cause what is to occur. But. Perhaps by accident?

Well, now I wonder. Is there not some dark part of Hermes that wishes to meet the same suffering that so pains him onto those he sees as having carelessly inflicted it? Whether deserving or not, if dynamis is purely fueled by emotion, not requiring logic or intent, he wouldn't necessarily need to mean to enact that, provided the correct vehicle, would he?

Satisfaction would certainly be preferrable than the fate that waits for all three of these men. Far preferrable than the "orgy of pain and suffering" Fandaniel will seek to bring. Everything that lives must one day die, Hermes. We can only hope that while we live, we live well.

Hermes, I would argue that your unique perspective is a shining example of why you should represent your people. You are seeing an issue that no one else is, and you are being offered one of fourteen positions with the power to work towards alleviating it. You have the choice to stay here in Elpis, where you will continue to suffer in silence, or to move on to Amaurot where you can actually make change happen. Take the job.

After his outburst, Hermes begs time alone to gather his thoughts. Hythlodaeus guides Emet-Selch and myself back to the Twelve Wonders, for what I presume will be the next leg of our tour. Emet-Selch appears to be deep in thought after what Hermes said... He admits to understanding, on a rational level, the sadness that comes when someone returns to the star...

Oh no, oh Emet... I wish you never have to suffer what you do.

[abimee]

THREE YEARS OF TOCK TUTTI POSTING..... every year i can never describe how much this little lalafell means to me and the joy and wonder she's brought to my life as if i didnt make her purely because i wanted to be a miqote but didnt find any pretty and just slapped together a lalafell and gave her a goofy name.

Tock is so much more in my brain now because my ocs are like my children but also people who appear before me and have their own thoughts and feelings that I get to walk their path with and above all my ocs i think tock tutti has to be my favorite. she is my special girl. she is everything to me. ive been posting about ff14 for 3 years straight now and i dont see that slowing down for at least another 3 years. as long as tock wants to walk forward and see another day i'll walk with her and see her on her way. The world revolves around her in my mind.

I can get sappy here and i know its #justagame and you all heard me hee haw about how much i both absolutely despise ff14 and its fans yet also love it and its fans dearly. how i got to get closer to my best friend through it and be put through the ringer by complete strangers in it. Get mocked and laughed at in it and sat quietly and watched the stars in it with people. I dont like talking about the intricacies of my personal/irl life and even when i talk a lot about myself i dont really try to reveal information about how im living or how i see my future but no matter what goes on out there the fact that i have a little creation of my own i can come to and dress her up or send her on an adventure or go farm with has gotten me through a lot of really dark places and moments in my life that dont even compare to the utter horrors i experienced as a teenager. and I didnt have anything like tock tutti or this game in that time and so had to deal with a lot of that terror and pain by myself with nothing to distract me or help me through it, and its #justagame but its a very important one to me. endwalker especially. I have a deep and unending love for meteion and hermes and getting to meet them and I think even when im old and wrinkly theyre going to sit in my heart as something important to me even then. And tock will too, even when the day comes where I have to let her go and can no longer walk with her.

as that one comment on the youtube upload of dynamis puts it, this game is just really special to me. and I'm glad to have been put on it by my best friend. and I hope for all my bitching and complaining everyone can still see how much it has influenced my art and my creative endevears and can see the love I feel for the characters, the community, and so on. I don't really interact with the community due to a distaste for fandom from some really awful experiences back in the ye old undertale days, so i appreciate the people who follow me and my art and are very kind to me in this community even if i dont follow back/talk to you. I hope I can keep making art you enjoy and that you can see how happy i am here, and above all else to see that tock tutti is a special little oc of mine that I want to share with you all, and I hope you come to love her just as I do. My little sweet pea my melon head my singer of light

[shadowed-vigil]

day 9: lend an ear

phrase of lend: to listen sympathetically or attentively.

characters: warrior of light, thancred waters; mentions of azem word count: 969 (nice) [spoilers for up to ew lvl 87 quests]

Thancred is the one to tug her aside, in the end. 

It’s for the best, really — since her return home from the First, it’s been hard to not be preoccupied. She’d done her duty — fought off the blasphemies upon her arrival, led survivors to safety, even dealt with Zenos, again. Technically. 

(Technically, she says, even though it was Alisaie who ultimately dealt with the situation. In the moment, Arcelia had almost wished they could have been left to their own devices, handled things his way. Later, on board the evacuation ships, sitting opposite of a man who won’t look her in the eye and another who can’t seem to stop studying her, Arcelia thinks she could have really used the distraction.) 

Regardless.

She does her duty. She relays the message — explains her trip to Elpis, her encounters with the unsundered, everything she learns of Hermes and his devotion and his ultimate undoing, in the end. Their new target: Meteion. Something tangible to seek out, to fight, once they manage to find her, thank the gods. 

And that’s it. 

That’s — 

Well.

She doesn’t so much as storm out of the meeting room of the Annex as she stumbles out of it, exhaustion scraping low in her bones, each step weighing heavier than the last. Then again, she doesn’t know what she expected out of the end of the world. To be a little more straightforward, perhaps. A little more to the point.

A little less torturous, she thinks grimly. 

It’s already hard enough, what with all the death and the dying, the fighting an enemy that isn’t quite corporeal, the dead men who weren’t quite dead after all cropping up right around the time she was ousted from her own body —

(Of course it’s Thancred who drags her aside, she thinks in retrospect. Matron knows he’s far better at conversation than Estinien would ever want to be.) 

He doesn’t quite intercept her at her door; instead, he finds her halfway down the hall, palm pressed to the wall to steady herself as she heaves for breath — when had she become so lightheaded? She doesn’t deny him, doesn’t try to hide anything when he places a steadying hand on her shoulder, coaxes her to look him in the eye properly. 

“Arcelia,” he says — firm, searching, “what didn’t you say in there?” 

It’s a good question. He’s always been good about reading her, infuriatingly so at times, even as far back as the beginning. It hadn’t mattered that he’d been absent during her stint in Ishgard; he’d known that there were pieces to pick up in the aftermath, and he’d done so with care, without prying beyond his means, without even knowing those who’d left her so undone. 

(Well. Until they came back, anyway. Part of her wonders if he’s more disappointed than anything, knowing what he knows of them now.) 

Her bottom lip quivers. She blinks, blinks again, his face blurring as that frenetic feeling rises up inside her again. It’d taken her hours to rise to her feet again from the floor of the Ocular; they can’t afford a repeat of the same. 

She swallows thickly. 

“Azem,” she whispers, shivers it out as much as she wishes she could spit it. “They thought — they thought I was something of Azem’s.” 

Trip to Elpis or no, it shouldn’t matter. They’ve been over this. She should know better, now; because, sure, she’d been distraught back when she first got her hands on the stone, when those memories had first crashed over her like some unwelcome wave. To her horror, Emet-Selch had told many truths. 

(He’d been deceptive, too — because they weren’t truths about her, but about who she was a fragment of, mere shadow to.)

“They recognized me,” she goes on, voice pitching, cracking, “but not as me, as a thing, a familiar —” 

“Because they didn’t know.” He’s got her by both shoulders now. “They couldn’t have known, Arcelia.” 

And she knows that, the implicit truth, but — 

Gods, she is so weary. It is easy to fall apart. 

(Another thing she can’t afford to do as she collects herself, palm to her mouth before she can shudder out the sound — as if Vanaspati hadn’t been a close enough call.) 

Her lip swells where her canines sink into it. 

“Did you meet her?” he chances carefully. 

Arcelia shakes her head, no — thank the gods. He must feel the same, some modicum of relief visible as tension ebbs from his shoulders. For the best, they both think.

(In truth, she’d been terrified of the possibility of running into her unsundered self during her time in Elpis. Perhaps not at first, still so inherently blindsided by being where she was at all, the sheer whiplash of being confronted by a version of Emet-Selch she did not recognize with her eyes but knew in her soul; of Hythlodaeus, as well, let alone Hermes, Venat — 

And of course Venat had been the previous Azem. It’s hardly a surprise as soon as she learns it.

Still — she’d made it through her odd expedition, escaped the influence of Kairos and returned to the First without so much as a brush with the wrong sort of fate. She’s not sure what she would have done had she had the misfortune of meeting her unsundered self. Probably something regrettable. Almost certainly violent.

Knowing what she does, Azem would have probably enjoyed that.) 

It doesn’t matter. She says this.

Well — 

Tries to.

It shouldn’t matter, she chokes instead. 

Thancred manages to get her in her room before anyone else can bear witness to her little meltdown, before she makes a further fool of herself. He tells her it’s okay, that it’s fine, and she knows, she does, it’s just —

(The shadow has little patience for her angst. It’s an irony in itself.)

[tallbluelady]

💫💫💫

Okay, this is a cross-blorbo thought I've been having that kinda crystallized when I wrote the "Please don't go" prompt. There's gonna be a cut, cuz uh. Of course there is ^^;

So one of the things that has been rattling in my head is that Minthe and Rowan don't like people they don't understand. Rowan is better at trying to understand people while Minthe will just dismiss the person and move on with her life.

This ends up biting Minthe in the ass cuz she doesn't really like Ras at all (she does not try to understand him and he does not offer her any enlightenment [at least at first?]) but they're part of the same friend group. So this is always in tension between them. The only real time they agree is when the Convocation reveals its plan for Zodiark and they both react with disgust.

And thinking about it, Rowan has very similar feelings towards Estinien at the beginning. She finds him to be a primadonna as the Azure Dragoon (especially by taking the Eye of Nidhogg and claiming that the two of them could slay one of the First Brood together). She starts turning around towards him once he shows disgust at the Holy See continuously throwing soldiers into the meat grinder and not killing Ysale outright when Alphinaud suggest they seek her out. They have an odd friendship, all things considered, but the Azure Dragoon can relate to the Warrior of Light rather handily.

The next real lack of understanding moment is with Zenos. Minthe is a hedonist, but she tries to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Rowan is probably too responsible to be considered a hedonist (or more like too busy to really enjoy herself that much), but she does notice the little things and she enjoys what she can. So having a guy who's like "I only have enjoyed one thing and I will burn the world to get it again" is so bizarre and antithetical to the both of them that it brings out the worst in Rowan (and it brings out Minthe a bit as well).

Then meeting Emet-Selch in Shadowbringers really fucks Rowan up. Cuz Minthe, despite how things ended between her and Hades, understood him. I need to put the line "We built our souls together, you and I." somewhere cuz lordt. Rowan wishes she didn't understand him. She finds Solus zos Galvus to be utterly despicable, but as Emet-Selch reveals what happens... she gets it. She gets the desperation of trying to save a world. It's that same desperation that drives her to save hers. The bit at Ultima Thule is really one of the lynch pins to Rowan and Hades' relationship. "The future you seek is not the past we loved. That is why we fought. And that is why I lost." He could have said that to Minthe too, honestly.

Then Hermes. The part that separates Minthe from Rowan in their view of Hermes and Meteion is the bit of him not wanting to bind her to the earth, of not having her walk. Minthe would understand that and wouldn't want to put that on others. She would have been mad that Hermes more or less sent an eight year old out into the unknown without peer review, but that would have been based on her technical knowledge rather than concern for Meteion. But Rowan has lived in a much more broken world than Minthe and Hermes. To Rowan, she sees Meteion struggling to walk alongside her creator and is upset that instead of trying to support her in the world she lives in, he's flinging her out towards the unknown. At this point in her life, Rowan recognizes that it's through the help of her friends that she's grown as strong as she has. And Hermes is denying himself and Meteion that strength by isolating the two of them in Elpis. Amaroutine society likely wasn't helpful in that regard either, but... there's no way he was the only adult person to have an existential crisis.

Anywho, thanks for indulging me. This has been on rotation for a while now and now it's out in the open.

[autumnslance]

I was wondering if I could get your opinion on something from the Ultima Thule part of Endwalker? The way I understand it, each of the beings the scions come across represent a reason to yearn for the sweet embrace of death, and their sacrifices are them standing defiant against it (Thancred's "survive" to Metion's "die," Estinien's "keep fighting for a future full of hope" to Al End's "we have failed, there is no use fighting because the fighting might never end," the twin's "you don't have to carry this burden alone, people love you" to Metion's "i must hide my pain to protect the people I love") but I get a little confused around Urianger/Y'shtola's sacrifices, and everything about G'raha and the Omicrons.

So I'm like 60% sure Urianger's is about knowing that the end is coming but doing what you can now to make life good, but I have no idea about Y'shtola, and I don't understand how G'raha taught the robots to dream again? Is that when what his sacrifice was about?

(I also love the fact that it was Metion that accidentally brought about the ends of these worlds with her overwhelming negative dynamis because the statistic improbably of Elpis being the only life in the universe kinda took me out of the story for a bit, but the explanation pulled me right back in with a punch to the gut.)

Anyways sorry to bother you, it just seems like you understand the nuances of Endwalker's story a lot better than I. Hope you're having a good day!

There's a long note to be said in here about how these are still just my interpretations and readings of the text; while I've played multiple times and kept the raw text for my own records (and know where to look for it elsewhere too to back myself up), sometimes another perspective will differ but be just as valid. But that's it's own post about how literary criticism and textual readings works. Cuz trust me, this gets long enough. Hopefully it makes sense, and is if nothing else a springboard into one's own ideas and understanding of these answers.

We'll start with Krile's words to her fellow Scions as they left the Baldesion Annex that last morning:

"You must triumph. What that means will differ for each of you. To make it back home, or to simply avert doom, or perhaps something else altogether... Yet whatever it is that drives you, I have faith in its power to see you through. So please─triumph. Triumph, as we who remain behind believe you will."

So much of Ultima Thule is not just the culmination of WoL's journey so far, but our companions' as well, as bit by bit they tear down Meteion's preconceptions, leading to the WoL's final truth.

-- EDIT: Adding to the bottom of the post the brief reblog comment I added about 10 days later about how each of these five sacrifices (counting the Urianger & Y'shtola, and the twins, as 1 each) can also fit onto Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, none of which were really met for Meteion before, and how the Scions represent and prove each level so the WoL can finally get through to her and summon the Scions back.

Also added commentary in Urianger’s section about Hermes and things learned in the Rising 2022 short story about Meteion’s creation. --

A quick summary of the mentioned Scions, though trust me I could go on about each of these all day as well:

Thancred's determination to survive is there, yes--but also how he takes care of others. He is determined that the other Scions succeed; he even makes it so Y'shtola can see in what should be a realm impossible for her to do so. He triumphs by taking care of his family he finally understood in Shadowbringers that he has, and ensuring their continuation, fighting for them even after he's been pulled apart. Meteion sees his darkest thoughts and feelings, which he admitted to and accepted about himself, but she cannot understand how his wish for life yet remains despite that, why he keeps fighting the inevitable. He's the beginning of how the Scions will challenge Meteion's beliefs in the universe, and herself.

Estinien's triumph is in bridging the understanding of revenge and justice, hate and love; he's been demonstrating his emotional growth the entire expansion, and Hydaelyn even points it out, but that matter of fact acceptance of his past and how that lets him empathize with the dragons' grief, and call out Meteion's corruption of it, is what allows him to ensure his friends' survival and success. As a lifelong soldier, ensuring the mission succeeds is likely in his mind, but for Estinien it's really about his capacity to think of and feel for others, after so long consumed by his self-centered rage and grief--a realization Meteion has not made yet, so cannot stand against.

The twins are strongest together, yet also know how to stand on their own, to be their own persons, in a way the Meteia cannot comprehend. The collective mind is many, yet only one, and alone for it. The twins understand that bewildered, naive fear at realizing the world--the universe--is bigger, more complicated, so different from what one expected. They meet Meteion as peers, children who've grown into young adults and learned from those stumbles and failures, to face their fears, rather than give into them. Whose greatest wish is the happiness of another's future, when she cannot see beyond herself.

So where do G'raha, Urianger, and Y'shtola fit in?

Let's begin with G'raha, as I find him a bit easier. The conversation with the Omicron is where I'll start:

M-017: The Omicrons will never leave this star. M-017: They will stand by until their reserves of energy are spent. For I have no path to offer them. None.

G'raha Tia: It is not our place to pass judgment on the deeds of the Omicrons. G'raha Tia: But surely this does not have to spell the end of your people? G'raha Tia: With your power and knowledge, the possibilities are endless. Why not seek out a new purpose?

M-017: That is impossible. M-017: In the beginning, we had a higher purpose than our pursuit of power. M-017: But we lost sight of it when we so irrevocably altered our fundamental forms. M-017: When we cast aside our flesh, so too did we cast aside all that defined us. Nothing remains of who we once were. M-017: I have no aspirations. No longer can I dream. The vital spark is lost. M-017: Lost amidst circuitry and code and commands...

It's not only "we can't dream" (as in, have ambitions and goals that aren't "grow stronger through warfare"), it's the fear that in turning themselves into machines, they have lost their very souls, the "vital spark" that marks them as living, thinking, feeling beings who could imagine a life beyond this existence. They deal in concrete, in physical, in absolutes. We see this in the side quests where they struggle with things such as relationships and creativity. The ephemeral, they believe, is beyond them.

The G'raha Tia we knew in the original Crystal Tower story woke to a world 200 years past a Calamity. Everyone he knew was dead through violence and time, the civilizations he remembered had collapsed, and many despaired there was no way out, no future, and so were willing to let go of that world on the chance it could be averted. He agreed to a wild plan to send himself back in space and time to change history--and in so doing, changed himself. There was no way back, once he merged with the Tower. So he thought. No way to save the WoL from the corrupted Light except by sacrificing himself to the Rift. So he thought.

And he was proven wrong. He began to look for alternatives, because the Scions showed him compassion and friendship and their own sheer stubborn refusal to accept loss when there's a sliver of a chance of success. So for them he found a new way. And in so doing, decided to seek and find his own happiness.

G'raha figures out how to defeat the despair, but his decision is framed so differently from how he approached what he assumed was his end in Shadowbringers. Where the Exarch was quietly fatalistic and mysterious, assuming there was nothing in his future but a sacrifice he had to protect his people from the pain of, G'raha in Ultima Thule makes the WoL promise they'll go on more adventures together, making plans the whole time. He doesn't know if it'll happen, if this will work--but there's a sliver of a chance, and so he will cling to that hope as the other Scions have taught him (else Alisaie may flick him again).

A crystallized Exarch stands atop the First's Tower. But G'raha had changed himself yet again, merging his soul and memories with his younger, pre-Calamity self still in the Source's Tower. Memories of two worlds, two lives. A confusing situation for anyone. But G'raha spent the later Shadowbringers patches reconciling those two versions of himself--and we see the results through Endwalker in those moments of goofy awkwardness, and those moments when the music and his stance shifts and the Exarch comes out, as it does again with the Omicrons:

G'raha Tia: If you would humor me a moment─when we awaken each morning, how can we prove that we're the same individual who retired the night before? G'raha Tia: Through the remembrance of past events, we might say. We have our memories. Yet there are times when we forget, or recall incorrectly. G'raha Tia: What of our bodies, then? It is the same one, we might say. Yet technically speaking, as living beings, our bodies are constantly changing. It will never be as it was at an earlier point in time. G'raha Tia: Our souls are no more immutable. On our star, people are known to inherit the souls of others, yet they are decidedly different beings. G'raha Tia: For my part, I've subjected my totality to much and more. I've made my body into an extension of a tower. Blended my soul and memories with those of another self. G'raha Tia: And each time, I would ask myself: what is it that makes me, me?

M-017: Were you able to determine an answer?

G'raha Tia: No. But that doesn't mean I'm confused. It simply means I'm the same as everyone else. G'raha Tia: So I posit this: who we were need not prescribe what we now hold in our hearts. G'raha Tia: Whatever came before, what matters most is the present. G'raha Tia: For me, that is being here with my friends. Full proud of how much we've grown together. G'raha Tia: So I urge you to not give up. Heed your heart's desire, and hope that the future you long for shall be realized!

M-017: I...cannot. We cannot. M-017: We cannot understand desire, nor comprehend hope. We do not know how to create such things.

G'raha Tia: We're not unalike, you and I... I too have struggled to find the courage to express and embrace my wants. G'raha Tia: If you like, I will tell you a tale. A tale of a world on the brink. Of a people who never gave up on the future. G'raha Tia: Of a man who realized his grandest dreams, and then awakened to a grander reality.

Is G'raha talking about the 8th Umbral Source, or the First under the Flood when he speaks of "A tale of a world on the brink. Of a people who never gave up on the future"? I think both. While the characters have no way of knowing, we players know from the Tales from the Shadows that the 8th Umbral timeline did continue on--if anything, the Ironworks' success heralds a new Astral Era for them, another chance for their future, after they spent 200 years struggling for it. And the people of the First came together to help the Scions save their world, never giving in to the Light's tyranny (even if some of them had to be woken from their own indolence first).

However G'raha, as the Exarch, had given up. He hadn't known a way forward for himself, in finding one for the First and the Scions, for the WoL. Until he was made to consider the possibility.

A possibility he passes on to the Omicrons. He is a proof that Meteion had not met, could not consider. He defies the idea that changing into something else (as Meteion herself has changed) means one has lost oneself forever. That one can change again, for the better this time.

And as she does not know how to counter that hope, our Crystal Exarch creates for us a crystalline bridge to move forward.

Urianger is who we'll puzzle out next.

Our funny-talking fortune teller started as a mysterious prophet, making himself Garlemald's most wanted, and trolling Hildibrand into attempting to fly to the moon back in 1.x. Urianger ever worked behind the scenes, to the side, as a supporting figure, continuing in that role in ARR and its expansions. The trusty librarian and liaison with the Students of Baldesion and Sharlayan, the one who kept the lights on in the Waking Sands, the one who used Moenbryda's research to give us a leg up at random times.

The one who listened to the whisperings of an Ascian, and decided to take a dangerous path on his own without communication or support to learn more, bargaining Minfilia's life in the process. The one who listened to the Exarch's fatalistic plans and went along with them, lying to his dearest friends in order to save them.

These decisions tore at him, his regrets obvious both times, and both times he was forgiven, for the others understood--perhaps better than he did.

Urianger gets a lot of good moments in Endwalker, one of them on the moon, when the loporrits are trying to coerce him into their own secrets, but Urianger confides in the WoL, and for once, instead of following logic for the greater good, he follows his heart and refuses to play along, this time not only communicating with his friends, but also convincing the loporrits to look for another way.

In Ultima Thule, he draws WoL and G'raha into one last secret, as our wizard can't help himself to a bit of mischief; WoL, due to his promise to never betray their trust again, and G'raha...as payback for the Exarch's schemes. Urianger puts forth his idea on how Meteion unwittingly unleashed the end upon many worlds, mistaking their own despair for her own, as she had confused others' feelings in Elpis. And then Urianger tells us:

Urianger: Yet even if I must needs go to such lengths, I cannot well feign ignorance of the answer I have found within... Urianger: The answer to the question: in what moment might I stand strongest?

Urianger is never the first to challenge an enemy; that's for the others to do. He uses his magic to support them, to heal them. His knowledge is for their benefit. While he can fight as fiercely for his beliefs, his is a gentle soul more at home in contemplation. And he worries his will is not equal to that of his dear Moen, or of Thancred and Y'shtola, or Papalymo and Louisoix. His beloved friends who face fear head on to succeed, even at the cost to themselves.

But none of those friends have ever doubted Urianger's heart. It's why they forgave him those other times. Urianger's love is why Elidibus was unable to sway him with logic. Love was why the Exarch was able to coerce Urianger.

Urianger: That, most assuredly, is the Ascians' belief. 'Twas in the hope of opening mine eyes to said revelation that they first came unto me, imagining it sufficient to secure mine allegiance. Urianger: Nor would they have been mistaken─were my heart a temple to truth alone. But as a devoted follower of Master Louisoix's teachings, and for the love I bear him and his, I hearkened not to their words. (An Ending to Mark a New Beginning, Heavensward patches)

The times he stood alone and apart, the times he kept secrets, though it was Logical and things turned out in the end for the Greater Good, those were the hardest moments for Urianger, and they caused much grief for his dearest friends. It nearly led to Alisaie dying of a poisoned arrow, it led to the tragedies of the many Minfilias upon the First, led to the loss of their dear Antecedent, and nearly cost the WoL their life, along with G'raha's.

So when the time comes, it is in facing honestly his own failings and what he learned through them, and in support of someone he loves, that Urianger finds his answer. To shore up another, to bend his mind and emotions to solving the problem in collaboration with a fellow researcher. As a healer, as a support role, Urianger is part of the glue that holds the Scions together as a team. Where he stands strongest is in not letting a dear friend stand alone against overwhelming despair, to aid her in proving her own hypothesis, while accepting all of himself as well.

If the Ea could have turned their minds to supporting each other, instead of isolating themselves in their research, perhaps they may have been able to stand up to Meteion. If Hermes had been able to open up to anyone else, admit his own need for aid, to find the support and collaboration he needed in her creation and her mission. As it is, she doesn't understand the honesty and love Urianger is made of, to sacrifice himself in support of another, in the hope that those they leave behind will continue on.

EDIT: According to the Rising 2022 story Tales from the Dawn - A Question of Life, Hermes did get some input on Meteion’s creation from his colleagues; but only of her visual design and aesthetic, as he specifically noted that was not his forte. Her abilities, her mission, how she was to carry that out, remained his secret, and his fellows did not know of his internal struggle. That no one knew the full details of his “personal project” are made clear in the MSQ, nor did he get input on the questions she was to ask, as Emet-Selch’s response and Hermes reaction to it made obvious as well.

Y'shtola: Keep calm, and listen well. Y'shtola: Though my body will soon dissipate, there may be a way to restore it. Y'shtola: Azem's magick. So long as our souls remain, you can use it to summon us back. Y'shtola: But you mustn't, for it would mean losing our way forward. This, I only reveal so that you can promise not to invoke the magick. Y'shtola: We came here knowing what victory may cost, so press on. Press on, and do not look back.

Urianger: I shall join thee. As subterfuge is not required, thou shalt not suffer for mine absence.

Y'shtola: Urianger...

Urianger: My resolve hath never been as strong as thine. Full oft have I wavered in my decisions, and afterwards been stricken with regret. Urianger: In spite of this, I may still stand with my comrades, supporting them as they attempt the greatest of feats. Urianger: This truth, I have learned in the course of our journey. Urianger: And many though my shortcomings may be, I may also claim to excel in prophecies. My studies into which have granted me the flexibility of mind needed to bend this malleable reality. Urianger: Thus shall I hope... That thou mayest have the strength to resist, and our comrades the strength to continue.

Y'shtola: With you to urge us on, how could we possibly fail?

Which finally brings us to Y'shtola.

Our sassy cat hasn't gotten much focus, not the way the twins have over every expac alongside WoL, or Lyse in Stormblood, Thancred in Shadowbringers, Urianger in Endwalker; Shtola's overdue some story focus, in my opinion. Yet I don't know that she needs to grow or change in that focus. Some people know who they are and are happy with that, and Y'shtola strikes me as in that camp.

She also strikes me as being different than her beloved master, even while bemoaning the ways in which she's grown alike. Matoya hides herself in a cave, using familiars for various things, grousing about the state of the Forum while doing naught to change it. Grousing about people visiting and their disruptions to her solitude. She does care, in her own way, but you've got to earn it through sheer persistence with that old misanthrope.

Y'shtola, in contrast, lives in the world and seeks to make it better. She fights Merlwyb, the Forum, her fellow Scions, and anyone else who doesn't stand for decency and caring about others. She adopts the entire Night's Blessed, becoming one of their leaders, in Endwalker still using their traditions for her own and others' comfort. She nearly sacrifices herself with Flow again to save them. Even when being harsh and misunderstanding Thancred (cuz he wasn't communicating, so was she trying to make him?), she had the best of intentions, and confidence in his own heart and willpower. "Giving up (on people)" is not a phrase in Y'shtola's vocabulary. You will do better, if she has her way. And she likely will, sooner or later *looks at 5.4 and the Melee Role Quest.*

But like Matoya, Y'shtola is consumed with an overwhelming need to Know. To puzzle out the secrets of creation, to find the answer to every burning question, and there are oh so many questions! Not content with the many secrets of the Source, she is determined to find a means of traversing the Rift to visit the other reflections to plumb their secrets as well!

Yet she is all too aware of her finite time. It's an ongoing joke that Y'shtola lies about her age, claiming to still be twenty-two when she is, by pure mathematics, somewhere between Papalymo and Thancred, perhaps of an age with F'lhaminn (EDIT: As of the 6.x patches, it's indicated Y'shtola is closer to Thancred in age). Some of it is sheer vanity maybe--but given Y'shtola's drive for answers, and how long it will take to puzzle out even a fraction of them, perhaps it is more a bid to maintain the fire, the drive, the impatience, the time of youth.

So to meet the Ea, a people who had attained what she would consider the ultimate goal, and find their ghosts in despair, is an affront. They had defined goals. They had the time to see them through. They lost all will, due to finding an answer they didn't like. As a scientist, how galling, that that would be their response! That instead of looking beyond it to other answers, they simply stopped.

The Ea could not comprehend a reason to continue. Y'shtola can't comprehend their willingness to end. An answer is simply the start of a new question, after all.

(and I don't know about you, but when "Thunderer" kicked in for Y'shtola, I got chills and went "ohcrap!")

Y'shtola: So that's your story. Y'shtola: While I appreciate your advice, I will not heed it. Y'shtola: Convinced though you may be of this truth, it is yours and not mine. Indeed truth, I have ever believed, is in the eye of the beholder.

Coph-coodg: Are you suggesting that we have reached a faulty conclusion? That our science failed us?

Y'shtola: Hardly. As you yourself said, the subject matter is beyond my comprehension. Y'shtola: And that, I accept, is true. I do not possess the knowledge to prove or disprove your conclusion. Y'shtola: In my mortal years, I doubt I could even approach the wisdom of the Ea. Y'shtola: But of one thing am I absolutely certain: I would not be happier in ignorance.

Y'shtola: The most important lesson I've learned...is that learning isn't simply passing one's eyes over words. Y'shtola: Nay... 'Tis when understood for oneself that knowledge attains its true value. Y'shtola: This is what has sustained me. Driven me onward in joy and wonder. In anger and sorrow. Y'shtola: The universe may end, and all may be for naught. But I will live as I always have. Y'shtola: I will always seek out new knowledge. And no conclusion of yours, no matter how grim, can dampen my desire.

Y'shtola is righteous anger, a fierce fire--but also brittle, in her way. She relies so much on her drive, on her single passion, she hasn't left room for much else. This is where Urianger's malleability complements her hardness, his ability to bend supporting her rigidity.

And she is grateful for his aid. She accepts it, with no questions, no deflections, no insistence he save himself, no remorse. She does not order it, as she did Thancred in the Sil'dihn tunnel (and tried to save him anyway); Urianger comes of his own volition, and she allows it. She has stood alone often, in imitation of her master--but she is not Matoya. Y'shtola doesn't hide from people; she lets them into her heart, takes care of them, heals them, challenges them. While she doesn't need anyone to complete her, she has learned to allow others to take care of her, too. To let them heal, challenge, and love her, in a way Matoya cannot.

So she accepts a loved one's help in this terrifying moment, and together they challenge the idea that learning must end, that an answer is conclusive. That their passion for knowledge can be dimmed.

Meteion was sent to find an answer to a question. She thought she found it, and so stopped looking, giving into what she believed was inevitability. Y'shtola defies that response, asking new questions, demanding different answers. Y'shtola accepts help and support, as Meteion did not at any point in the journey. That passion undoes Meteion's naive understanding, her own fear, and a way lights for the others to move forward--to not stop seeking, asking, learning, and in so doing, triumph over despair.

--

That's what I'm taking from these moments, anyway. At least in this moment. In response to others opinions and pointing out of textual moments, on another play through, on a dev interview, on life changes in a year, I might read them differently. But for now, this is what I'm taking from our Scions' sacrifices at the edge of the universe, and how they allowed their own journey over the expansions at the WoL's side to ready them for these moments, and decide, as Krile asked, what Triumph meant to them.

--

EDIT: MY REBLOG ADDITION - MASLOW’S HIERARCHY & THE SCIONS Also now thinking about how the Scions' answers could each correspond to a level in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, letting the WoL go a step beyond them at the end once the others show Meteion how she's come to the wrong conclusion about life, as her needs were never met/actualized, leading to her (and the rest of the universe's) downfall.

Five levels of the pyramid, five sacrifices made.

1. Physiological needs - Thancred (need to provide survival for his family) 2. Safety needs - Estinien (end of the war and the changes that wrought in him & Ishgard) 3. Love/Belonging - Y'shtola & Urianger (what I already said above) 4. Esteem - G'raha (all those changes & growing into his own hero) 5. Self-Actualization (The twins pretty much embody this)

This is what happens when I'm trawling very old posts on my main blog and get hit with old psych writing references.

Anyway just chewing on this in addition to what I said before under the cut in the original post

[gnbrkrs]

On artificial beings, nihilism and the world: why I think the story of Meteion and Hermes is not a "science gone wrong" story.

This isn't a post have planned to write or even turn out to be this long, but a sudden thought process turned it into what it is now, so I thought I'd post it here instead because I felt it was too long for Twitter. I saw @autumnslance post on the importance of the other Amaurotines peer-reviewing Meteion which lead me to think about how much her and Hermes's story looks like a way too common "advanced creation gone wrong" type story that is way too common in the science fiction genre as a cautionary tale against learning about the things man was not meant to know (a point I personally also find arguable, but that is a topic for a different post). We have Hermes as a scientist desperate to know a world-changing revelation, and Meteion as his means of achieving it. Much like in such stories, the creation goes wrong and causes a massive catastrophe the heroes have to stand against. And yet despite looking so much like those tales, it somehow manages to be something else entirely.

Although on the surface, their characters look like pretty common science fiction archetypes, a lot of deeper meanings, philosophical even, are present in their characters that makes the stand very apart from those once one thinks about it, to the point that those archetypes start to look like shallow images. Just like a lot of other things in Endwalker, their arcs touch the questions such as life, it's meaning, death and despair, which in their case are the central themes surrounding them. And where a lot of other authors would have questioned either the need for further scientific advancement or the limits of science, Natsuko Ishikawa instead chooses to ask questions related to these themes, turning the whole story into a conflict of views and ideologies, as opposed to a conflict between man and science with it's products.

Despite her differences from Aether-based beings (which cause questions from both several characters and the player as they learn more about dynamis later on, especially during the Ultima Thule section of the story and some post-game content), Meteion is shown to have human-like understanding and independent thought (which could also be said about the memories we interact with at Ultima Thule), with both her and Hermes initially being shown as empathetic (with her literally being able to sense feelings) but doubtful beings hoping to find meaning to life and the universe, believing that there is a way out there to dispel their doubt. Both of them, coming from the peaceful civilization that Amaurot was, saw the stars beyond as a much softer universe than it turned out to be, and despite what they said, were not prepared to hear it. Just like many people for all sorts of reasons, they found something they couldn't bear it without it shaking their entire worldviews and turning them into something different (temporary, in Hermes's case, because he decides to erase his memory, only to have it resurface in the afterlife and later incarnations, adding to his tragedy). And though the circumstances surrounding their experiences are very fantastical, the way their pain shapes them into embodiments of despair and destruction is all too relatable and realistic. After all, many would break if after a life of peace and prosperity, all of a sudden they started seeing only death and suffering without a cause, an idea that is further echoed by the stories of the Ancients that chose to summon Zodiark.

Both of those characters end up representing the nihilistic philosophy that comes from those that do not see any redeemable qualities to the world, or that they are negligible, that, when confronted with life's unfairness, decided that living is nothing but a punishment, with death being the release. A view I have seen all too often both in real life and in some of the older works of my homeland's literature, one that is considered "mature" by some. And Which leads me to believe that the tragedy of Meteion and Hermes (who is also complicit because he didn't even try to stop her) is not one of her being an artificial being. If anything, I find her being an entelechy more humanizing than anything, with empathy, a quality universally regarded as a virtue, becoming their undoing, along with their subsequent failure to understand certain things. What I believe is the real tragedy of Meteion and Hermes in this case is the fact that they lived in the light for all their lives and could not handle the darkness as a result. After all, the idea that all things are doomed to die is not presented as a great truth man was not meant to know. The Scions and many others know it and are able to live with it. Emet-Selch, Hythlodaeus and Venat were able to deal with it. Etheirys in it's entirety is able to live with it, despite not even knowing the full story. Even the shades of the Ea, who feared the end of the universe so much, eventually are able to come to terms with it. No, the conflict that lies in here are things unique to Hermes and Meteion as individuals, qualities unique to them that couldn't have been solved with outside influence.

What would have happened in the case if the rest of the Convocation peer-reviewed Meteion before Hermes sending her anywhere... I am not certain. The way their society focused on research, improvement and knowledge and had no qualms about creating life (or taking it, which is what prompts Hermes to go down the philosophical path he eventually goes down), I am inclined to believe that they would have eventually ended up approving her, all of her capabilities would have likely been deemed beneficial to both the Ancients (who knew nothing of what was beyond Etheirys and could learn more, or could use her to communicate with other life forms on the planet itself) and to the hypothetical people on the other stars (who could benefit from the wisdom of the Ancients in the event they were less technologically/ magically advanced), with the whole thing eventually proceeding the same way as it did in canon, with unexpected results following her return (since more people likely would have known, there is no telling that there wouldn't be more who reacted the same way Hermes did). In the event that they hadn't approved and chose to revert her instead, however, I don't believe his questions about the universe would have ceased to be. He may have refused the Convocation's offer and grown incredibly resentful of it (which could have fueled his doubts even further), but one cannot kill curiosity, even if said curiosity ends up killing the cat.... Multiple times. Whether through remaking her or by some other means he would have kept searching until he found it (since Ancients could theoretically live forever and often seemed to die by their own choice), only to be faced with the horrifying conclusion he could not bear with and it's aftermath.

Hermes is not the mad scientist doing things for the sake of it despite how he seems to be at first, if anything, just like many people in-universe and out of it, he asks the same question and tries to find his own meaning to it. Just as Meteion is not a monster born of one's hubris. Instead, their tragedy lies in their inability to initially understand that the pursuit for meaning on it's own is meaningless, and one may live just for the sake of living. Perhaps a somewhat selfish thought by the standards of some, but one that has given so many the power to carry on, because despite all the suffering many still want to live for the beauties of the world. This is the view a certain Meteion (since there are many of them, and the story doesn't specify which one we are talking to most of the time) faces with Emet's final act, one that causes her to separate from the rest of the Endsinger. The answer both she and Hermes sought was not in the lack of pain, but in living with it. So through the conflict of ideas of Meteion and Hermes with those of many other characters, Endwalker's messages oppose cynicism and nihilism themself. And while such a conflict may be many things, the one defining thing about it is it's humanity. Which is the reason why I do not consider the arcs of Hermes and Meteion a "science gone wrong" story. In the end, the villains are just as much people as everyone else.

[hqmillioncorn]

FFxivWrite: Day twenty 2.......Veracity

“I’m just a ragdolly-happy and smiling all day~”

Endwalker spoilers 

babycorn has a little talk with some of maizes weird friends and also gets a change of clothes !!! 

maizes friends are dolls

Babycorn’s head was spinning.

Well not literally but it almost felt like it. 

So many things were coming at her in so little time that she was getting very close to being overwhelmed. Not only was she in the distant past hanging out with Ancients, those Ancients also happened to be Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus. They were probably the only two people in the whole wide world that would be able to see through Babycorn’s fibs.

The other absolutely bonkers thing that almost knocked Babycorn off her feet was meeting Hermes and Meteion. This was the guy that was going to be Fandaniel???? And just who was Meteion?? How could someone as nice as Hermes become someone as chaotic and mean as Fandaniel??? 

What had happened???

Well, that’s what Babycorn was here to find out but it still didn’t make anything any less stranger.

It had gotten to be so much that Babycorn needed to excuse herself for a minute.

Emet-Selch was immediately suspicious that she was up to something but Hythlodaeus was insistent that he just let her go. “What harm could letting her roam around for a bit do? You’ve seen what Azem’s dolls can do-she’s more than capable of defending herself.” he assured Emet with a wave of his hand.

“That is not what I’m worried about!”

Babycorn nervously stood still, if she still had any braids she would probably be tugging on them by now. It was starting to feel like any second her cover would be blown and she had been feeling that since first arriving. Ever since they first started their journey to find Hermes, Emet had been pointing out inconsistencies between her and Azem’s other familiars.

‘Her clothes are completely different from the others. Are you telling me Azem just suddenly decided to change her style?”

“The nose is more like a button, the others have a triangle. Surely you’ve noticed!”

“Her ears are pointer than the others!”

“The eyes are nowhere near as vibrant!”

Babycorn’s confidence in her mission shrunk with every contradiction Emet-Selch declared. Lucky for her, Hythlodaeus was (mostly) on her side. She liked him better.

“You of all people should remember the entire week she spent working and managed to create a terrifying colossal doll in her sleep.”

“...How could I forget?” All three of them had gotten in hot water for it.

“Who’s to say she didn’t create this one in her sleep too?”

Boy she really lucked out that Azem apparently already had familiars that also happened to look like her. Babycorn couldn’t help but feel like her luck was about to run out. Especially with what Emet-Selch asked her before she turned her back to go and scream into a bush.

“If you are what you say you are-then you wouldn’t mind letting me talk to Azem would you?”

“Wha-?” What did he mean by that?!

“I would love to talk to her too! I wonder what she’s up to right now? We haven’t talked since yesterday…” Hythlodaeus wasn’t on her side this time.

Just when it seemed that Babycorn’s lie was about to fall apart, there was a high pitched voice behind her.

“There you are~”

Babycorn shrieked as she felt something touch her shoulder. She jumped away trying to put as much distance as she could between her and whatever had just snuck up on her. She would have fallen backwards if she hadn’t crashed into Emet-Selch.

“Oh dear! Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to! My apologies!”

Whoever had scared her didn’t look all that scary.

This was a doll, one of Azem’s. Somehow Babycorn just knew it. Maybe it was the little triangle nose, or maybe it was the stitches on her arm, or maybe even the bounce she had to her. Could have also been her innate connection to Azem, but who could really say.

Her hair was the same color as Babycorn’s and so were her eyes. No wonder they had thought she was one of her dolls when they first saw her. Emet-Selch was right about another thing too, the clothes this doll had on had a very distinct style. And that distinct style felt something along the line of Circus Clown.

The doll was also taller than her. That was kind of unnerving.

Babycorn nervously raised her hand in greeting. “H-Hi…?”

“Hello! It’s nice to finally meet you!” The doll flopped their arm up and waved sporadically.

Babycorn looked up to see how Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus were reacting to this. They looked like they were used to this. Which was expected. Emet bent down and grabbed the doll by the head, which they didn’t seem to mind. “And what are you doing here Sicily? Didn’t Azem take you with them on their travels?”

“Oh! She did! She did! But I got sent back to check how you two were doing!” Sicily wrapped her arms around Emet’s arms and then hung off of it using her legs. Emet tried his best to shake her off, he only managed to get Sicily off when Hythlodaeus grabbed her by the head too. “Maize heard you guys were going on some sort of secret mission and she wanted to make sure you were okay!”

Hythlodaeus was hard at work turning Sicily in circles like she was a wheel. This whole thing felt like something that happened a lot.

“Well as you can see we’re perfectly fine. Barring an unexpected guest.”

Hythlodaeus stopped spinning Sicily and gently put her back down on the ground.“If Azem isn’t busy could we talk with her! I’m sure Hades would love to say hello since he missed showing her off when she left.”

“No I would not-!”

Sicily covered her mouth to suppress a giggle, though she didn’t do a good job about it. “Sorrryyyy! She’s a little busy right now so it’s just little ol’ me!” She did a curtsy with both of her legs tangled together like a pretzel. Babycorn gulped, maybe she was wrong, maybe this thing was scary.

“Well drat. There goes your chance Hades.”

“There goes yours too.” Hythlodaeus had also not seen her off. They’d both been busy planning out their big Elpis day out. “As you can see we’re perfectly fine and in one piece. So you best run back to Azem before she decides to come here herself.” Emet turned her around with ease and pushed her away.

“Oh no no no no! I can’t leave yet!” Sicily walked over to where Babycorn had been frozen standing. Babycorn found that she wasn’t that scared now when Sicily draped her arm over her shoulder. “I have to make sure our new sister gets a proper greeting! Venice came too but you know how he is! Pfftt..!”

“Ah, that makes sense!”

“So that’s how it is…”

Both Hythlodaeus and Emet-Selch seemed to be in agreement. And before she knew it Babycorn was being dragged off to who knows where with Sicily.

“You know when I first heard your name I thought it sounded a little strange! But then I remembered our newest little brother! Oh! Asparagus is going to be so delighted to learn he’s a big brother now!” Sicily pulled Babycorn along, humming a little song to herself.

“Oh…” Babycorn didn’t know what to say. At least that did answer the question of why Emet and Hythlodaeus didn’t sound too shocked to hear her name.

———————————–        

Sicily had led Babycorn back to the building she exited when she first arrived in Elpis. There was another doll there waiting for them. When Babycorn first saw them it looked like they were trying their best to look cool by leaning on the door. Only to completely fail when someone opened the door to go through it. They ended up falling backwards, with the person who opened the door none the wiser.  

“Oh dear!” Sicily let go of her hand and ran towards the fallen doll. “Are you okay Venice? She tried to help him up but since they were practically ragdolls it took a few seconds of tripping up to get steady.

“I’m fine!” Venice dusted himself off and picked his fancy little hat off the ground. “Can we go back yet? I don’t like it here-everyone keeps calling me cute!!” Venice’s gaze trailed over to Babycorn, he raised a curious eyebrow when he finally saw her. “...Who's this? Is this who we’re supposed to take with us?” He concentrated on staring at her.

“Err…” It was making Babycorn nervous. On second thought, she would be a little relieved if these two would actually notice she wasn’t a doll.

“She looks a little unfinished.”

Well who asked you?! Babycorn wanted to yell but she couldn’t find the words to speak.

“Oh don’t be like that Venice! She’d probably really confused! After all, you and I were with Maize when we woke up. Why, poor Babycorn was here all alone in Elpis! Can you imagine how lonely she was before Emmi and Hihi found her!”

“I guess you’re right…” Venice looked a little sorry for her now.

Babycorn was a little worried. If she heard right then these dolls were going to take her somewhere else completely different but she needed to stay in Elpis and find out more about Hermes. The entire fate of the world was counting on her! It would be so easy to just stay here if she could tell them the truth but something told Babycorn that was probably a bad idea.

Babycorn noticed that Sicily and Venice were still talking with each other. They were talking about someone named Etna. Babycorn guessed that whoever that was must be yet another doll that Maize had made. It took a bit but Babycorn finally found enough footing to talk somewhat. “Um…If it’s alright with you…I would rather stay here?”

Venice and Sicily looked at her, weirdly enough Sicily didn’t seem surprised. She looked happy???

“Ooh…I knew it! You want to stay with them!” Sicily turned to Venice and whispered something to him. She wasn’t whispering very hard. “I told you! Those feelings for him must have come back again! That must be why Maize made a doll in her sleep again!” Sicily giggled to herself.

Venice rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna keep saying it. I think she can do better.”

“Huh?” Babycorn was really confused.

Sicily ran up to her and grabbed her hands. “You go ahead and stay here then! I’m sure Maize will sleep better at night if she knows her dear friends are all right!”

“Oh..kay…??” Geez how much of a worrier was this Maize person anyway? Emet and Hythlodaeus were just going to talk to Hermes about a job offer. What could possibly go wrong during that?

Sicily giggled and embraced Babycorn in a tight hug. It was a shockingly tight hug coming from a ragdoll. “Don’t worry Babycorn! We’ll all be back before you know it! Then you can say hi to everyone else! They're all going to love you sooo much!” Sicily hugged her tighter then let her go with another giggle.

Babycorn wanted to be hugged longer.

“But before we go…!” Sicily ran back to where Venice was standing and picked up a pile of something. She pushed it into Babycorn’s arms and she was finally able to see that what she was holding was a pile of clothes. “Here! I brought these for you! Even if you’re staying I think you should have them!”

Babycorn looked down at the clothes. They were a very bright color.

“They’re actually some of my extra clothes but since Maize didn’t know she made you she didn’t have an outfit prepared! You can wear those until we all go home together!” Sicily twirled around excitedly, she couldn’t wait to see what Maize would make for Babycorn. Maybe she should ask Maize to see if she could have a new outfit one of these days…

“...Thank you?” Babycorn was about to put them away where she put away most of her things until Sicily and Venice jumped in front of her.

“Waaaaaaait!!!!” Sicily waved her arms around, “You have to change into them right now! I want to see how you look in them! There’s an empty room over there! Maize went in there all the time to cry so I know no one ever goes in!” That room was a closet.

“Come on! I’m sure you’ll look great!” Venice looked as excited as Sicily now, despite his earlier aloof attitude.

“Uuuuuuuh…”

“Don’t worry!” Sicily and Venice pulled out matching knives. “We’ll make sure no one walks in on you!” By the way their eyes were glowing, they meant business.

“Okay! Right away! Let’s go!”

———————————–        

The costume ended up being a big hit with the Elpis crowd. Babycorn found herself agreeing with Venice as time went on. Too many people were calling her cute.

…But it was kind of nice.

It made her feel warm.

[professor-tammi]

okay I have finished Endwalker so here is another longpost on everything that happens after the fourth zone + some general takes on the story because I simply must ramble

okay, so, full disclosure: I am not very happy with how Endwalker’s story turned out. if you’re okay with this post being a bit critical, read on, if you find the negativity exhausting, please don’t force yourself to read it because I completely understand :D

that said --

Thavnair (part 2):

- I loved this section as I feel it plays to FFXIV’s strengths; this part was a human story with fantastical elements, and I think that’s key! we see how the Final Days affect the populace and the havoc it wreaks on the region. it’s very well done, and I consider it a highlight of the expansion alongside the writing in Garlemald and some parts of Elpis

- also I actually thought Matsya might die at That One Point but I was SO so relieved when Estinien came to his rescue thank god

- oh and the music that plays during all this is excellent! really ups the tenseness :D

Elpis:

- I immediately started crying when I saw past!Emet and Hythlodaeus omg... Hythlodaeus is my actual favorite FFXIV character now, I was already delighted by what little we saw of his personality as a minor-NPC-shade so this whole section was SUCH a treat :’D

- so I was quite convinced there would be more to Fandaniel than we thought, and I *guess* there was, in a sense, due to Hermes existing? while we never really saw much more to Fandaniel than I’m a nihilist let’s all die (prances about theatrically), Hermes gives the nihilist part of the character some context, I suppose. I quite liked Hermes -- I think villains who are sort of... corrupted by being hyperempathetic are pretty much always relatable -- but I wish the game had done more with him? in the end, the Fandaniels weren’t even particularly significant villains compared to...

- Meteion. okay so. so. Meteion. was not a character I liked, sorry, and she kind of brings down the zone a bit. I talk more about this in the Ultima Thule part, so I’ll just hop back to focusing on stuff I actually liked in Elpis :D

- I also am not a big fan of the Final Days being so neatly explained like this, especially when the whole concept of Dynamis feels incredibly out of nowhere and retcon-y? like... idk. I just wish it had some buildup before the expansion, but it didn’t really :(

- Venat!! I did not expect to care for Venat as Hydaelyn has always been so lacking in personality, but Venat is incredibly charismatic and genuinely fun! I took to her instantly. also, the revelation of her being the previous Azem was a great “ohhhhh” moment :D (I’ve seen some people describe Hydaelyn as “basically a shonen anime protag” and that’s a hilarious mental image to me. I love it)

- they use Answers as Venat’s leitmotif throughout the expansion and it’s surprisingly effective, and I say this as someone who thinks Answers is just a good-but-not-great song; it’s also interesting to me how the story seems to have been written around the lyrics? (even though FFXIV was clearly not originally intended to head in this direction in terms of story...)

- I have no idea how they manage to make the Ancients so consistently good characters but I love them all, give me all the Ancient Quartet content pls (I guess you can throw Azem in there too why not!!)

- anyway where are my fellow hythlodaeus fans at..... i love he’m

Garlemald INTERMISSION:

- I hate to say this but this was probably the last part of Endwalker I found good aha. and it was good! it really brought home the tragedy of the Final Days, again, which imo was necessary after the Elpis segment having put the main plot on hold for so long, and it did so very well!!

- also, the bit where Jullus gives Zenos a “you suck” speech? A+. and Alisaie’s retort? also good. I’m a fan!

- no but seriously how were the Garlemald bits the best part of this expansion I’m still not over the shock

Labyrinthos (part 2):

- at this point Endwalker decides it’s not going to be good anymore and goes back to bunny nonsense and. I can not tell u. how disappointed I was. (I was very disappointed)

- honestly a big issue with this part to me is the 30-second song loop that plays for almost all of it, please this was not a good use of that theme, at all. it’s so aggravating that I’d believe Squenix if they came out and said the music was bugged for this part

- Fourchenault’s “redemption” is completely unearned, but also very expected. I wish more media properly reprimanded horrible parenting, but alas! (”oh I only disowned my children and impeded their attempts to help people at every step because I care so much about the--” no! shut up!!)

- that said... Urianger getting a hug from Moenbryda’s parents was very cute :’)

- the Hydaelyn fight: so while the game lets us call her Venat, it’s clear that she’s not Venat. she has none of Venat’s... well, actual personality. again, this trial left me feeling quite disappointed for that reason, even though fighting Hydaelyn should’ve been a big deal.

- also the pre-final-battle bit where you have dinner with Y’shtola, Thancred, and Urianger is extremely funny solely because of their food choices. Thancred getting beer and a burger while Y’shtola orders A Whole Bottle of Wine and salad is such good characterization?? I love it

Ultima Thule:

- ah yes the “everyone sacrifices themselves but you know they’re going to be back in like an hour so you can’t bring yourself to care” part of the story. I did not care for it in Tales of Symphonia and I don’t care for it here :’D

- ( ok so actually I kind of lied. I cared when Alphinaud got really sad about Estinien being the first sacrifice :c )

- the zone music is absolutely fantastic here, but that just made me really sad that such a good song was wasted on something that left me feeling so... cold and unaffected?

- that said I shed a tear at Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus appearing again. I really am just here for Ancients content :’D

- so, Meteion. she does not work as the end-all-be-all villain of the first FFXIV saga: she doesn’t even work on a major character level, because she’s simply not written to feel human. and I don’t mean in the literal sense! Emet-Selch was literally not human, but as a character, he certainly felt human. it’s clear the game expects you to care about Meteion, but I didn’t. she is a very forced-upon you character, too, and the character design and voice acting are probably major contributors to her feeling... off... to me? too cutesy in a way that reminds me too much of anime tropes I dislike. no thanks.

- I’ve seen some people argue that Meteion works because she’s not really a character, just a stand-in for the concept of despair -- well... first of all, this is quite untrue, as the game clearly treats her as a character. but even if it were true, then Despair Personified is an incredibly disappointing villain compared to Emet-Selch, Elidibus, Yotsuyu, and heck, even Nidhogg. I just could not bring myself to care, and it was sad to find myself at the end of this 8 year long epic and find myself, for the first time since ARR, just... not really caring. :(

- and thennn: Zenos. it’s clear to me they had no idea what to do with him? he feels so out of nowhere in every scene he’s in? to be fair, I did like the ending bit where he’s like “hey I transformed into a dragon and flew to the edge of the universe to fight you. oh you’re trying to kill the Personification of Despair? lol ez hop on”

- the fight with Zenos, on the other hand, felt so phoned in to me, and again I was so sad that this is what the Endwalker theme was used on because that is probably my favorite video game song of all time and the context it’s used in is... this... oh. well then. :’)

- also please please do not bring the Scions back @ Squenix. they’ve had their story. it’s time for something new.

HOW I WOULD FIX ENDWALKER??:

- “tammi nobody asked” I know I just have to get it off my chest okay

- So as I said before: have the entirety of the Mare Lamentorum segment build up to fighting Zodiark so that the eventual fight feels earned. have you desperately struggle to protect the binds from Fandaniel and Zenos throughout. maybe have some more hints at Fandaniel’s memories as Hermes to give that some foreshadowing. also remove the Loporrits from the game I don’t like them. yes me not liking them is enough of a reason

- (I am sorry to all the bunny fans out there. I am not one of you)

- have Zenos realize he’s not getting his fight unless he actually helps you remove greater threats after Zodiark dies instead of at the very end of the story! this makes for a convenient excuse for him to show up and help you now and then throughout the expansion, instead of having him be like... barely there. I don’t like Zenos, but come on. if you were going to bring him back to force him upon us at least do it properly

- shortly after Zodiark dies, give the characters some actual time to process the gravity of what happened (and have them actually talk about it!), then move to the Thavnair pt 2 segment.

- also, make the Final Days have more of a felt impact. as it stands, we get like... half a zone’s worth of content about it in total, and that makes it feel like a bit of a distant threat instead of a key part of the expansion? I know the role quests deal with this somewhat, supposedly, but this is something that HAD to be in the MSQ. have it spread to Eorzea as the story goes on. up the tenseness!

- instead of Meteion as a final villain, maybe we could have just had... well... Hermes? I don’t think a rewrite like that would be that much of a stretch and I think it would’ve hit home for way more people because Hermes is, simply put, a much more sympathetic character than Meteion, and it would’ve made Fandaniel retroactively feel more like a “main villain” too, I suppose.

- I think Dynamis shouldn’t have been part of the story at all. "actually, emotions are a special energy separate from Aether and this is a big secret almost nobody knows about”? this is just really, really stretching my belief. and honestly -- I don’t think the Final Days needed that much of an explanation, anyway? I would’ve been happier with a more abstract reason (so if Hermes is made the main villain, you could have it be directly caused by him somehow, instead, and I think that would’ve worked out better)

- in general: make it a human story with fantastical elements as opposed to an attempted fantasy epic with... some human elements... sort of. maybe. that’s what made the other expansions good. :(

[mintffxiv]

⚠️HUGE SPOILERS⚠️

VERY long thought post about sad boy Hermes and ramblings on EndWalker.

-Estimated Reading Time: 29 minutes

-Estimated Speaking Time: 44 mins

There are at least four varients of the soul of Hermes.

We have original Hermes, his ascension to the seat of Fandaniel, his reborn self Amon and then his nameless form taking the name of his still current (even though a 'lesser form') seat of Fandaniel.

Hermes for me represents many things but the most is Hope and Despair.

The Ascians are majorly based on the Ancient Greeks. Hermes being the God messenger. But what happens to a person if their hearts and souls desire is deprived and confined?

He is the messenger but no one was listening. When you are a depressed person you can give out so many signals but more often than not these signals fall on deaf ears before you become consumed by your grief of loneliness.

To go more into detail, everyone knew Hermes had a brilliant mind but that he was also beautifully and extremely sensitive and caring. Appreciating all forms of life despite some of their shortcomings. If some lifeforms were too dangerous he would promise to make them better next time rather than just pretend they didn't exist. As if they was trash.

But there is also being too blindly optimistic to the point of foolishness. An example is the creature that was to be made extinct in its current state and then be reassessed for improvement. In this case it needed to be done because the creation was extremely dangerous, even though that was it's nature. I know Hermes isn't so idealistic that he ignored this, he just wanted more chances for natural growth improvements rather then destroy it immediately. But here lies another one of his problems.

Hermes main problem was that he kept all of this internalised and over thought things, especially what others might be thinking. Nobody knew about his deep emotions ('defects') aside from being seen as too 'sensitive' or 'eccentric'. But this also isn't his fault. Keeping quiet and to yourself is a natural reaction to being ostracised and ignored MANY times. This adds to why he presumably thought what others would be thinking because like Meteion you don't always have to use words to pick up on things. But it definitely helps if you actually ask and not always use your gut feeling!

The most I'd say someone knew of him was that he really likes candied apples. Isn't that sad? They didn't know how much pain he was in, how lonely and afraid let alone what makes him happy. What are his other hobbies and so on. Then again if they knew would they also throw Hermes away as a failure?

So he made his own friend or reflection of his inner innocence and curiosity that wasn't plagued by the illusion/burden of fulfilling a role and nothing else.

When you're so isolated you can look for solace in bad places. Each Meteion went looking for Hermes for a reason to live and a reason for life. They all came back with more despair since the places they found suffered greatly and in a twisted sense of kindness the Meteions went to end their suffering just like the thousands and thousands of defects on Elpis.

Hermes filled with so much despair had a broken realisation that if life in Etheirys was affected with even the tiny amount of emotion (dynamis) then this time he would speak so loudly that everyone will finally hear the message. A cold unsympathetic judgment of Etheirys. After all the Meteia observed and concluded that all life was doomed. And so a haunting song would be sung of beginning of the end to create an eternal slumber.

"Hear, FEEL, think." A message our dearest Hydaelyn said over and over in a desperate but calm prayer. Please feel emotions.

Of course now the problem was that the message of finding solace became corrupted by a deep sorrow that could only be drowned out by the complete silence of life and its questions.

But as we see, so gentle and small that a flower blooms it does not ask for much. It's everlasting beauty of simply being alive, dying and being reborn is enough.

Life just is.

It's annoyingly vague and confusing but it's strength is that it doesn't need to have an answer. It's lighter than air but more solid than rock. And unbreakable energy that blooms no matter the weather. And letting go of the frustration and fear of 'why's' actually gives you the chance to enjoy it.

Easier said then done for depressed people like myself, as you tend to ask more of these empty questions when you only have your mind to talk too.

Loneliness makes you do strange things. It is the most experienced form of torture. It's why solitary confinement is used for people in prison. It's not even like you need thousands of attention, just at least one similar soul to connect with.

It's why the conversation with Hermes touched me so much. He seemed so eager to talk more but when you've been let down so many times it's like a dream or talking to an imaginary (familiar) friend. It's not real, not really. Just a simple bandage that will fall of in a short time. You can even start to smile and have fun pretending that you'll be okay, but you know how empty you feel. It takes so much convincing to help deeply sad people feel anything again. Hope is always there but sometimes it just makes you feel even more crazy. Like it's a cruel joke. And that's how you end up with the chaotic mass suicidal Fandaniel.

Hermes wanted his closest Meteion to explore the beloved Etheirys properly with all the excitement and wonder he could not because of his high expectation to fulfill his role. But as she was still communicating with her sisters he had to wait to see and anxiously keep putting it off. The stress must have be devastatingly heavy. The Ascians chose when they passed on but didn't think to give more time for anything else.

Even then it was extremely rare for Ascians especially the 14 to not retire and pass on. Venat and Elidibus ( although I think he had more of a respected 'reason') are some of few who stayed alive past retirement. If I was Hermes that would add to my fears of the judgemental mass conseus of the Acians and my own emotions would be once again be buried. Speaking out, let alone being the first to speak out about your depression is like walking off a cliff, even though you're actively drowning you're used to it. Which is sad but the road most traveled is so much easier to bare the thought of. Even if its uphill and filled with nettles, it's much easier to convince yourself that it's not worth the trouble to stray from the path you've always taken even if it wasn't your choice to take. You get used to pain and start to not question or even think of alternatives since thinking becomes increasingly exhausting.

If only the also eccentric free spirited Venat could have been a wake up chance for Hermes when she didn't pass on. That hey there is another out of the box person like me! I mean she has a giant dog and bunnies she's perfect with Hermes and his flying flock of Meteia! But he was also with a huge majority of people who do their role and are happy with it. The answers are always easy to say but when you're actually there not so much. A good example Family life, especially for women. If you are not married and have at least one child before 35 there is a 'problem'. It doesn't even have to be said its just so strong in our society that the pressure is present.

Despite this I still believe he could have waited as Fandaniel to see his answer, it's not like the 14 are busy all the time. But as I've said would they even listen to his ideas that wasn't just about work? Sure their work is fun and beautiful but it's also empty. What is the point of creating anything if you don't at least enjoy it in a more meaningful way then just shipping it off once the 'product' was acceptable. Not saying they didn't enjoy their works, but they was also content with just destroying it. They could have fun destroying life, which is quite upsetting to say the least!

Remember this isn't like the sims here, they are creating living life forms! And this callousness lasted many years and more with how the broken Emets spoke about our own lives! Now he does have a reason why he did the things he did, it's upsetting but also makes sense why he did. But that is a part of what Hermes was trying to say. He was saying;

-My fellow Ascians, you only care about your own lives and enjoyment. You only see yourselves as worthy of life but others can say the same thing as they too are alive. How will you react when you are treated just the same as those you deem unworthy of life?

(Imagining this being said in his voice in fun haha!)

Life and death are indiscriminate forces. Once again frustrating but also reasurring. The only others who truly knew the real enjoyment of life was the seat of Azem (us) and the former seat Venat (love you mum) as they actually explored Etheirys and all it's creations. The rest of the Ascians mostly theorised and made presumptions including Hermes.

Spending your time in the clouds is idyllic but it also creates a foggy (word play is fun) image of the world around you. It's the same as experience is the best teacher, and that you can only relate/empathise so much. But that's also why gate keeping in smaller instances is a problem, case and point example:

-Emets: You don't deserve life because you're a lesser being and my kind deserve that right.

-Fandaniel: You don't deserve life because you only care about yourselves and thus cannot understand the value life.

-Azem: Stop debating and help me! I'm gonna die in a volcano!

Side note! Grapes for the win! Honestly I actually noticed the block grapes myself and was going to take a picture because I got excited for the WoL but it was at night time (in game) and I was busy you know with the story haha. Also I didn't hate the look of them but I thought "Hmm... I don't that that looks aesthetically pleasing as much as I'd want!" Haha! I really love the references to their comic stories and etc! I'm happy to have read most of them! I smiled brightly with the references because usually I miss out as I either don't know or the extra information is too much and I can't keep up so it felt really good! It would be nice if they included the stories in game though like the cutscene desk. I think it would be nice to quickly be able to read it game but also to easily update any new chapters so these less chance of missing out on the stories.

Back to my ramblings.

This lack of experience has an effect on Meteion as she was created by Hermes who doesn't have experience on living a 'normal' life. What she sets out to find ends up not matching the requirements of what Hermes desires as her sisters despair causes them to destroy the worlds and thus having only limited answers to share. There are most like many more words the Meteia was unable to explore due to their mental break but also perhaps physical limitations as well as they are still new life forms. It's very hard for even the most logical person to be unbiased to their own emotions and wants. In her limited experience of life all she sees is the self absorbed Ascians (which is also influenced by Hermes's stress by their actions which Meteion picks up on as an entelechy) and the other worlds that had the' curse' of emotions which lead to suffering. What she mostly observed was regardless of the perspective was selfishness.

And that leads back to Hermes. Aside from my own relation and care for Hermes he was incredibly selfish deciding the fate of Etheirys because he was anguished. Now I know it was a long list of reasons why he got to that state but I and so many other people who suffer do not want others to suffer! Do not take others with you! It is their right to live their own life! I know misery loves company doesn't just mean depressed people, it's also for jealous, selfish and angry people but it does lean towards depression here which I dislike because it adds more of a stigma and dismissal of mentally struggling people that are already having to fight for understanding! It's also very frustrating being a 'lesson' for regular people.

Let me elaborate; for example you know reality shows where a millionaire will work at like McDonald's for a week and become 'enlightened' by normal people. They'll do things like over praise and be astounded by how people budget for things, like those annoying youtubers who do 'Living on £1 a day! Shocking!' garbage when wow people actually can and have to do this not that these 'inspired' people would do anything to improve that fact! Now being motivated by struggling or disabled people isn't bad at all and I myself get inspired top but it's the bullshit inspiration porn that pisses me off. My or someone else struggles isn't for those people to patronise and say stuff like 'You're so brave!' then dissappear into their bubble feeling like they did a good thing by letting us know their lame 'compliment'.

This is a sore spot for me because I've had this often in my life where estranged people will praise me like a child and feel good about it but not actually give a damn because that requires real interest and admiration. They also tend to not care about potentially helping you, they just want the quick good feels from your 'bravery', when usually as well things that you will do that is brave will just be dismissed because it's what they can do easily or not exciting enough. I just feel frustrated here at the blasphemy being these types of lessons. Can we not do that and find a way to save them because as I've said it's really cruel for people like myself! It's basically saying if you're depressed like this you might as well die because you're a lost cause! Even though I don't think it's intentional it did come across that way for me and sorry if this wasn't fully clear. It's hard for me to explain but I hope the point about using people as lessons to make their already okay lives feel better is really gross and I detest it.

I know they have good intentions and are most likely trying to persuade people to not fall into that dark place and become 'hopeless' but it just makes it more difficult for people to seek help because of being seen a hopeless. For me a good lesson and message would be that even if you struggle you might not come out of it but you have value and there are always things to smile about. The tainted in Amh Areng outcome was a bit vague at when they'll recover but it showed they had chance of recovery from once hopeless state. Then again both that and the tempered are suffering from physical illnesses which are accepted as valid reasons for being unwell and mental illnesses like the blasphemy aren't. They're either seen as hopeless or the typical just smile and be happy nonsense. As if anyone who got depressed even if in a more milder state chose it!

Ugh! I'm just hoping that like the tempered that eventually they'll find a way to tell us those that were put down are alive somewhere as energy being reborn and those that turn can be captured and cured with a porxie or something! End rant back and to the rambles!

I know that Hermes would have found so many like minded souls even some he didn't expect and some themselves who didn't realise their own sorrow as friends. I myself for a solid year did not realise I was depressed! It's a little strange to think of but when mental health is so taboo or excused you miss all the signs and the slow consistent isolation begins.

You could be the most outwardly social and or jovial person but like most it's a front. Another bandage on an ever expanding wound. And when you can no longer stand because it's too big and deep you either succumb to it by losing yourself or worse.

But then as I said he didn't look for help around him because they couldn't even give him hope to listen. The silent circle, that gets tighter and tighter into a strangle like noose. The desperate empty struggle to wake up each day with anything to keep you there. Oh Hermes.

But there is hope for the other timeline of beloved Etheirys. Venat is now aware of would could happen to her timeline because of us informing her of what happened to ours. Hermes through us finally managed to get someone to listen. And like our little blue bird Meteion getting her wings to finally fly, we too have a new chance to be an adventurer again. To not just fight to live but to do what we want with it. When hardships get in our way we open up to others to help us lift the burden and we do the same for them. Sometimes we can lose and that's okay too. Of course this is all in terms of the game as WoL.

In my own human life the present is far more difficult but there are helpful reinforcements that helped which is to (try to) ask for help when you need it big or small and that there is someone out in this big world of ours that thinks just like you which is comforting. The Internet is very helpful for this, especially for me I wouldn't even have friends if not for this making me cry for years game haha!

Onto a little bit on little Meteion.

As I mentioned, I believe aside from being a tool she is Hermes's hope, innocence and freedom into finding a reason/meaning for living and of life itself. But this is a huge task especially since she's childlike, immature and inexperienced. Being childlike brings a vast amount of wonder, curiouty, and having a open minded heart but it also brings naivety, gullibility and not being able to think rationally. Lots of y's here... Why! (Listen this is a long post my brain is fried and I'm also lame lol).

She was just not up to the task and that's okay. She lost her way but eventually found her way home. Of course it's hard like with many people to be conflicted by the good and the bad especially in one like a child or immortal like beings with a warped sense of morality but as we all saw and with other now destroyed worlds that they all tried their best, that is enough. I don't mean for example the unsundered crimes as doing their best, more on it being hard to judge because of the multiple layers of the events that created such insanity. I suppose best would be better said as they did what they thought was right and not completely selfishly destructive like Fandaniel.

Side Note 2: When we was looking for where all the Meteions flew off from and the person said the 'Meteia' I was like hah-wait a minute! METEOR. DUN. DUN. DUNNN!

♫Estuans interius

Ira vehementi

Estuans interius

Ira vehementi

Sephiroth

Sephiroth♫

I'm like... Oh shit! Haha! Well when I first saw her I was like aww cute! Then , oh playable race?! Then I was like oh Meteion is a strange but nice name! I think in the back of my noggin' I knew somehting was up haha!

Meteion also bring able to communicate without words or simplified communication is very touching. This is so helpful for those some socially awkward, disabled or just because it can be difficult for anyone expressing themselves. Especially when they do it might seem strange to others and so it becomes harder due to fear of judgement. This once again shows the gentle kindness of Hermes making it so they are heard like he wishes to be.

Another thing, like Meteion the Ascians also experienced many things for the first time. That is why the end days was so devestating for them. I think this is also a reason why only Venat was able to see an alternative and why Azem left their seat during the brainwashed ptsd discussions on Zodiark because they had more experience on the 'little' things that can lead to very big things and the awareness of morality and fear. But it's very hard to calm down even one person from doom let alone hundreds in a mass panic.

These world's represent our past, present and futures. We need to learn from our past, enjoy our present to improve our futures. We have all made mistakes, some worse that need to be punished but as long as we remember (that we onced lived, don't worry Emets WE DID haha) to hold onto hope and each other, despair and fear won't win.

Life goes on. No matter what you matter. You are apart of life. Regardless of what pain you might have you are valid.

Just because someone like the Ascians look, and act superior doesn't mean they are. Our world was broken, but we survived. We continously worked to understand each other, like the beginnings of many bridges with the beast tribes and our former enemy Garlemald. The Ascians could learn from us and I hope with our connection to past Venat they will. No I'm confident they will somehow in their own way!

Side note 3: I'm so happy we finally met Hythlodaeus! He stood out to me during ShB so the fact we met him and that he's as gorgeous and lovely as I thought makes me tearful! Not just visually, (he's beautiful) I mean his soul is gorgeous. I didn't cry when I saw him smile off as he went to die because I was already aware of it so I wasn't surprised and that meeting him alive now in a another timeline gave me so much hope for everyone in this timeline to not suffer the same fate! That they will learn from what we know to enjoy and appreciate all of life. To open the conversation about mental health and that hard times are manageable with the support of each other, which makes the easier times all the more precious and those harder times not as daunting. Besides I'm presuming from Emets saying how he remembered despite being in a different timeline to ours at the time of forgetting that all timelines exist together in the afterlife, so time doesn't really matter because they're all linked. What matters is that he and we matter, we exist just like life. Annoying but reasurring.

Anyway I love Hyth with all my heart. He and G'raha are firmly in my heart (as well as Hermes, Uri, Alphy, Ali, Venat and 2000 other characters haha but yeah these stand out!). I just want to tell Hyth how important and special he is as he down plays himself which is a thing he and Hermes could connect with! Ugh these characters, how I love them! I also want to tell Hermes that, even late bloomers bloom and that he has all the time he desires. I'm completely fine with waiting for the ones I love, it's no problem just don't forget me! I'm confident from what we know that he won't and that his living self on Elpis will be healed and will thus help others. These characters ahh!!

Just want to reiterate that what Fandaniel has done is terrible! Just because you have trauma doesn't give you a pass to do bad things. But I think it's also enough to understand and let things go so that the ones who passed like Haurche and Moen can rest knowing we did our best and carry on their torch that lit the way whilst being kind and fair to the confusing grey that is life. I think that Fandaniel is already being punished (at least by irritating Asahi), and that usually judgment or punishment is not ours to make especially when it's a difficult one. It's also up to the victim of crimes to find their own answers and that's their right to find it in their own time and how they want to. Supporting them by being rational to reason and open to emotions.

The Ascians also did what Hermes did, by doing terrible things caused by their trauma. It's upsetting, angering and frustrating but also understandble, relatable and emotional. As I've said two things can be true at the same time, it's why a case by case assessment is important even though difficult. Of course punishment comes in many forms but so does forgiveness. It especially helps if there is a heartfelt effort of willingness to do better, empathy then becomes natural and easier. Patience and time help out with these slow difficult processes as well.

Raise your hand if you have ever been personally victimized by Fandaniel! But seriously time heals or softens all wounds but more importantly gives new perspectives. Anger isn't a bad emotion it helps to get justice for many wrong things. But everything needs to be balanced not perfectly but just enough with time, place, experience, various perspectives and relying on others to help with that balancing act.

One more thing on Fannydanny (it's a good name alright!) is that as Hermes the Greek God he is known primarily as the messenger more from Wikipedia:

-'Hermes is considered the herald of the gods. He is also considered the protector of human heralds, travellers, thieves, merchants, and orators. He is able to move quickly and freely between the worlds of the mortal and the divine, aided by his winged sandals. Hermes plays the role of the psychopomp or "soul guide"—a conductor of souls into the afterlife. '

-'God of boundaries, roads and travelers, thieves, athletes, shepherds, commerce, speed, cunning, wit and sleep. Psychopomp and divine messenger.'

-'He is regarded as "the divine trickster," about which the Homeric Hymn to Hermes offers the most well-known account.'

And from mythopedia.com

-' God of commerce and luck, patron of travelers, thieves, and merchants, and champion of athletes and athletic competitions, Hermes was a wily trickster who often put his own amusement above the interests of the gods.'

You can see how Hermes's personality traits are laid out here. Now our Hermes and all his varients are not completely the same because this is an inspired and unique to Final Fantasy Hermes. You can see his trickster personality being very strong in his reborn Amon and Fandaniel state. Even with him choosing Asahi's corpse of all of our enemies to play around with!

In his insane chaotic state his Trickster ways has turned from haha silly eccentric Danny to mad psychopathic clown. PRANK GONE WRONG!

Ahem!

I also find myself laughing at insane things when highly stressed because what is there left to do? Cry!? Done enough of that it doesn't matter. But this madness goes from laughing is better than crying to a warped sociopathy that is incredibly destructive and dangerous. Like a coins sides, laughing and crying at times can sound similar.

It's also showing the drastic way one is not fully being themselves because of depression. You tend to stop doing even the simplist of things that make you happy. We hardly saw Hermes truly smile, he had a constant worried expression and was being haunted by his highly expected role to become Fandaniel.

Hermes, all his varients and his Meteion to me also show the 5 stages of grief/acceptance.

1: Hermes - Depression

2: Fandaniel - Denial

3: Amon - Bargaining

4: Reborn Fandaniel - Anger

5: Meteion - Acceptance

These can all be present in more than one stage of Hermes and Meteion but it's something I think is interesting.

Hermes shows us so much of what happens to a lonely soul. It really is painful and it changes you. It also shows us what happens in Meteion of the devastation of innocence lost, especially prematurely. Every one loses their innocence at one point. Usually it's not harmful and is a good sign of growing up, but sadly a lot of us get it taken away from us too soon. Meteion is not a child per se but she is experiencing things for the first time some even before all of life on Ethierys. And just like Hermes she was expected to fulfill her role and that is why like a child she ran away. She didn't want to disappoint Hermes in anyway but it was too hard even if telling him what she thought was the truth of her results. All her sisters (varients) who suffered before her had also been stages of grief/acceptance. Hermes also ran way in fear but being first time for doing something outwardly for himself it was a cathartic but also terrible Pandora's box he opened. The powerful freedom of being extremely selfish.

Another interesting thing is how Meteion visually turns black and white when being consumed by despair it not only represents the life drained out of her but in the end the fact that not everything is black and white, that two things can be true at the same time and that there is good and bad in all of us is a really nice detail. Like Hermes is sensitive, sweet, brilliant soul but can be a chaotic, self absorbed maniac. And with knowing as the WoD that we need light and darkness. The light shows the beauty of colourful skies and the dark shows the beauty of the twinkling stars. One without the other is lacking and incomplete.

Hermes message of hope for patience and understanding is beautifully sung throughout time. It's a nice feeling knowing that we gave these powerful beings a reason to live or understanding of what it means to live at least in a certain way. That even 'weak' souls have more that enough power in our own right and that there is many ways to assess strength and worth of a person. It's great knowing that he was finally heard, even if there isn't one correct complete answer and knowing you're not alone is deeply touching and gives a disassociated heart a tether to hold onto.

Hades was also able to do his role as the God of the Underworld helping souls cross between life and death. By accepting this new path he was able to help guide his fellow Ascians like Elidibus to have a new perspective and help them on a new journey. Simply by just showing himself, his presence emitting 'It'll be okay.' Even if for a short time by standing down it will help them to recharge and begin again in whatever timelines they will go to.

Taking time to rest and reflect is very soothing and very important to do even though often it seems pointless and can be hard to find time in a busy world.

To clarify reflecting is not what Hermes was doing. To truly reflect you need to have knowledge of others opinions which he did not have, which is also mostly true for his fellow Ascians. So he was only wallowing in his own thoughts and is why he created Meteion to find outside of his own planet the meaning and reason for living rather than on Etheirys. But as I've said he didn't have the confidence that people would listen, which is why having faith in others and being vulnerable is brave and admirable.

I think one's soul like dynamis their essence is small and almost feeling like its not even there, but it has a quiet voice. Everyone's soul I think remembers and with that knows everything will be okay eventually. Just like how you can just know something without a reason, usually it's to do with being happy or in love. Like life it just is.

Hermes and Endwalker reinforce at lot of things but I think one of the most difficult and hard concepts is fighting to escape the circle of torment. It's very hard because pain changes you and that change effects others, and then their change effects others and it goes on and on and on. It's hard to recognise the circle because you get trapped circling it in your anger, frustration and hurt and can barely notice anything else. This is why listening to others can help them to stop and look around to see the repeating circle. This doesn't mean they'll get out of it immediately or even at all but it makes it so much easier and can help others to not get stuck. It helps to lift the nauseating insanity with someone on your side, not necessarily to save you and a lot of the time it's a burden you don't want to put on others but just having someone be there is important for soothing a broken heart. It's also important to remember that people do care, and those that do won't consider helping you not get so dizzy in the circle a burden.

It's also about keeping your humanity. It shows how devastating trauma can be and how it effects a person which then effects others. Many people who suffer greatly lose their empathy because of becoming numb to emotions or even start enjoying the suffering of others. Like a bully, finally you are not the target and can have a bit of power you never had.

I think the Omicron's show this effect of numbing. Whatever cruelty they faced it forced them to change their whole beings to overcome that pain but doing so removed their empathy and once lost then they became the bully. But this creates a new problem.

Even though they had overcome their plight by becoming machines this new power mixed with lack of emotions made them seek powerful beings outside of their home to preempt being subjugated again. Despite being powerful death machines, they still had that lingering fear till they reached a point where it lost meaning. Combat was their whole existence and with no more stronger enemies to beat, what do they do now? Having emotions complicates a lot of things but it what gives life so much meaning. Omega then ends up looking for what they have lost even though now it is unaware of what is even is. We see this both at Ultima Thule and with Alpha and its why our existence of living and not just to fight is so mind boggling and intriguing to them. It's also why Zenos came to 'help' us.

When Ali told him off he (for selfish reasons) realised if he keeps being completely selfish and unemotional by only focusing on his obsession for combat that nobody will be left and he will be lost like the Omicron. It's why many dangerous people mask emotions and can manipulate others well because we actually NEED emotions to survive! Despite what some people say about emotions as if being emotionless is actually a good thing!

This again doesn't excuse bad/evil behavior, two wrongs don't make a right after all. Which is again what Azem and Venat was trying to get across. But it's difficult to be the better person at times but even stepping back and not down can be a blessing in disguise you'll thank yourself for. As in most cases it's you hurt me first, but I was hurt because etc. There is always a starting point, sometimes you can't stay neutral and that's okay, it's not always a grey area.

Then there are areas that are black and white like with Zenos. These situations either need severe swift punishment for justice or a thousand blessings, a thousand praises and eternal joy. Zenos is incredibly selfish, only doing what he wants but what he wants actively hurts the world.

He also keeps interrupting us for his obnoxious fight which takes our attention away multiple times from saving more people or just simply not giving the WoL a moments peace. If he had won what would he do? Probably nurse us back to health for another round! I doubt he is truly dead as we didn't see the soul orbs float away and him disperse, plus I'm sure people want to fight him in a savage mode or something similar.

Remember how many times he called us a beast and animal in ShB! Ugh! But... he is rather amusing. I'm saying in general not the evil he's done. I laugh because he's a creep and really thicc haha! "Mhmm WoL mhmm! REND! KILL! Ride on my back! Let me control your body! Mhmm!" NO TOUCHY!

Anyway I'm doubly not saying it's easy as I'm stuck in my own loop and hope for one day to have a type of justice and satisfaction for my hurt but that's okay as well since I'm not wanting others to suffer like me. And that's important to remember. I know others will also not want me to suffer, I don't want to either but it's difficult to balance. And as most of us who hurt know this is our own journey and will take time. Being patient with ourselves is important too. If someone isn't 'improved' as fast as society like it's not the world's issue, as long as they keep trying even in a small ways that seem easy to others that's important, wonderful and deserves gentle support. And if they or you are too burnt out to try, helping them or yourself get rest to begin to try again is also important.

Aside from the concept of breaking cycles, I also think the whole story of the Ascians is about the long journey of finding who you are. How a person is made up of a variety of personality traits both postive and negative. At the end of you, what colour or even seat of your soul most shines through brightest to represent you the best? And even then there are moments of fluctuations or even change like retiring form a seat or being split and having to find yourself all over again. It asks who are you? When you find out would you even recongise yourself? Will you embrace or reject yourself?

Showing how you might feel denial, self hatred and shame but also the chance to see yourself as a bright hero, a brave wonderful unique being. All of the Scions made mistakes or made hard decisions but we love them all the same.

I think it's key to remember how searching for yourself, your place in the world and everything that comes with it is never easy. But you will even if it's temporary version of you because it's worthwhile like how we would say someone we love is worthwhile, they will say the same of us. And a new bright circle is formed. Eventually representing all of your colours. Even if it's hard to believe, it is there for you. Quiet, gentle and strong.

I want to reaffirm that I'm not speaking of airy hope just because it's pretty, as I've said I struggle a lot. This to me is one of the positive messages from FFXIV. I do feel they could have done more to give hope to depressed people (and I mean clinically depressed, not just the overuse of the word for being sad lol) like with the Ea race saying how the universe is gonna freeze over and all life is doomed.

I feel like Ysh acts out of character by being like yeah thats fine Imma keep knowledge seeking and that's years from now whatever! Haha! Well I mean she could be more nonchalant because at that moment we are currently at the end and we've faced a lot of endings we surpassed so there is experienced confidence there. I dunno, that section was a little rushed at parts. Writers probably just as antsy as us to end the walk haha!

Or another one sample is how if you turn into a blasphemy you're totally dead. Just a new tempered but you're completely gone and once you've turned and put out your misery nothing is left like...hrnnn.

As I said earlier I really hope they find a cure for the blasphemy, not by removing despair since that ruins the point of not striving for perfection (which turns into a dull sterilised world) but like once turned you could be cured even if it was slower recovery rate than the tainted. They could even make a new hunt style for it haha! Cause yeah it didn't do good for my heart haaa. Like if that was me I'd really be... Yeah not good! So focus on the postives! Haha!

It's also about communication. How difficult something seemingly simple is hard to get across. And that there are numerous ways to express yourself, especially if you have someone listening. Listening to others is important too. And I don't mean conversations that are abstract debates about concepts or pointless gossiping but real life things big and small that help keep you grounded and not floating away lost in your thoughts.

It's about how long it can take for wounds to start to heal. That you need to try and be patient with yourself and others who are struggling to get by each day and when you/they start the journey of trying to heal to be gentle and understanding.

I think Hydaelyn's words should become:

"Hear. Feel. Think. Speak."

Listening, emotions, reflections and conclusions.

And it's about hope. Hope cannot fix things and it might even break at times when a situation fails but hope is a helpful emotion to help to keep your head up. Even if it's for a short while that fizzles in and out of the darkness those moments for hope are precious. So try to hold onto it at times, it might feel foolish or not worth it but it can just be enough of a little push to keep you going on just that bit longer. Tomorrow is a new day but even ten minutes from now, any negative emotions can be just a memory. It's not unrealistic positivity but a little something I think is helpful to remember. There are always moments of calm or happiness we all have and I think that's worth holding onto hope for even just a little bit a times.

Chicken or egg it doesn't matter, I love you regardless! My sweet chicky Hermes! (I seriously gotta stop talking haha, I'm sorry!) Hmm... Chocobo... Chicken... Kweh. Fandaniel totally created the demon red chocobo! It has meteors!

Note 4: I cannot find the context for why I wrote this, I think it was to do with Hermes creating flying life forms and he himself being airy so he creates birds, chickens, chocobos haha I dunno! And I'm leaving it in because I just gotta haha!

🗒End(Walker hehe) Notes: Sorry for spelling mistakes or grammar errors. This has taken me more than a week to write and edit. I did spend some hours editing so hopefully if there are any grammar errors it'll be to a minimum. It's been a long time coming because I get so exhausted writing it all out. It's emotional and as I struggle with comprehension it's quite difficult but I don't think I'm bad at writing well... not that bad!

At least I think my points get across haha! As usual I might add more later because it's a lot and my mind gets fuzzy. I wrote this out as I thought it so I was thinking about restoring it into categories like Trauma, Hope, Change etc for a smoother reading experience and moving all the side notes to the end but I think it's okay as it is. It's a personal opinion post so it doesn't need to be perfect, besides I think only myself and my friends who I asked to read it will read this far haha! Speaking of that if anyone has actually read this far that's a really nice feeling, so thank you!

I think this post is also extra super long because it had some lingering thoughts from ShB sprinkled subconsciously throughout. Even if it's just the energy coming back to get me to ramble harder haha! I still might post the ShB thoughts even in it's unfinished state. I'll just add a note saying it's incomplete or something especially since I doubt I'll add more because a lot of my initial reactions aren't fresh which is fine but going back would be tiring especially because I was planning on splitting my opinions on each map which is nightmare fuel just thinking about it! Besides this post has done me in!

Ramble Savage! But to defend myself, wouldn't it be inappropriate if I DIDN'T ramble because it's EndWalker after all! EndRambler...! (As if I'll ever stop rambling haha! And well the WoL won't stop adventuring either! So it's all good! Frustrating but reassuring haha!

I did wait a long time, including the time it took me to write this to prepare to post this. I queued my ShB posts to be released like two months after that release to be extra careful not to spoil anyone but as my friend reasurred me that I've done lots of spoiler warnings and it's been 42 days since realise so it's fine. I just want to note that I seriously take into consideration of when to post potentially spoiler content. Also I don't have a pc and only us my phone right now so I might not post all the pictures and details I have taken any time soon or ever because it's a lot of work that I cannot efficiently do but I'll see.

I also might (probably not I'm done haha! ) consider making a tldr version so it'll be long just not this long I mean I checked and it's 8017 words like... Aaah! Ain't nobody got time for that! I'm tired haha!

SUCH RAMBLINATION! THIS WAS NOT MY INTENTION! (But I also expected it, just not a mini book lol! Anyway I'm done for now, seriously I'm out! Thanks for reading if you did! Thank you devs!)

[soulgathered-archived]

 @petrokhelidon​ asked : ❝  the world is so big.  why do i never feel like i fit into it? ❞ from hermes to hythlodaeus​  ( interaction prompts // accepting ).

he is about to drift into slumber, held by hermes and feeling the overseers warmth when those words reach him. immediately does hythlodaeus wake, lavender eyes looking up at the other while pale fingers run soothing circles over hermes arm. 

he takes his time to answer because he owes it to hermes to gather his thoughts, to give such a sad question the right answer and to not dismiss his lover’s worries. finally, hythlodaeus rolls onto his stomach to better look at the other, his fingers now brushing back dark hair.

“i think you have it wrong” he speaks in a soft tone, the usual impish tone gone. “it is not that the world is too big. it is your heart hermes. I have not seen a soul filled with so much love for all that the world offers, for creations be they deemed of use or not, as yours.” he has seen it in the moments when hermes fought for creations, still trying to shape them in ways that would get them accepted.

...he has seen that man’s love in the quiet moments too. the sorrow when a life had to be returned to the star. he has seen what a wreckage meteion’s death made of the other’s heart. “I fear, the world cannot fill up all the space you have in your heart. it hurts you too often. so how could you fit into a world that does such things?” 

hythlodaeus takes hermes hand, kissing his knuckles and looking at him with all the love he has for the overseer “this may not be the answer you seek but I can tell you this: perhaps this world is not a place for you to fit in but I can tell you you do fit into a world. my world.” it may be a bit small but it is a world hythlodaeus would happily gift and share with hermes. 

[yoiku]

Endwalker thoughts as well as some quite personal feelings about it under the cut. Do not read if you don’t want spoilers about the main scenario! It’s a wall of text too :’D

First off, what an expansion. Wauw. Slower start compared to ShB and some pacing hiccups here and there, but damn what a spectacle it was towards the end. Very different overall feeling from ShB too, instead of feeling like a very personal story of strife and triumph, Endwalker was about things much larger than you(the WoL). Very philosophical as well, especially from Elpis and onward. I feel like anyone who has ever experienced deep depression is going to get absolutely sliced and diced by many of the moments, lines and characters. Part of me thinks that the writer(s) have either experienced depression themselves or through someone close, or they’ve really done a deep dive into understanding how it feels. Now I’m not kidding when i say that most of the time I was doing msq I was crying, either because things were so sweet and wholesome, so fucking cool and/or nostalgic from earlier FF’s, or just cut so deep with the overall theme. Also I’ve discovered that I am just a big ol’ crybaby so it really doesn’t take much to get my eyes leaky.

I’m going to list things that got me the most, in no particular order:

- That scene with Urianger & Moenbryda’s parents.(as well as Urianger’s character development in general) Holy shit. I wasn’t expecting it to go the way it did, and when it did...I’m about to cry just thinking about it again. There’s a big personal factor about parental relationships for me there as well.

- Vrtra. Another thing I did not except was that he would be so different from the other middy kiddys we’ve met so far. So caring, calm, even sensitive in many ways. He also had a much larger role in the story than what I anticipated, and I really loved it! (fucking wept like an infant when they showed his bloodied sides from giving away so many scales) Also I love that he wasn’t modeled in a conventional way to represent his personality. It mad it feel that much more real with his worries about the people accepting him.

- The entire Elpis gang. Venat, Hythlo, Emet, Hermes, Meteion... Where to even begin. The moment we step out of the room into the Elpis map, I started crying. I did not expect to go there at all, even less so where it took the story. Venat, Hythlo and Emet I enjoy for obvious reasons, but Hermes really pulled the carpet under my feet, oof. I had difficulty understanding Meteion’s meaning and part in the story at first, but after googling terms new to me; like entelechy and dynamis, etc. things clicked into place. (more on this later)

- Hydaelyn’s send-off. Beautifully portrayed. I am so glad we got to know Venat so much better before the trial. The gravity and repercussions of her choice becoming hydaelyn told, finally showing the other side of the coin to the deity we knew mostly as “good” or “selfless”. ShB opened that a lot but Endwalker really told us things as they were and that was super satisfying. Also after all this time, they STILL managed to make ‘Answers’ give us more feels than it already did.

- Ultima Thule in it’s entirety. Again, did not expect us to go there at all. The entities we encountered and the way it was progressed through... Too many feels were had. I have always been curious about middy’s homeplanet and what happened there, so that one especially was a treaaaaat!

- How well they portrayed the feelings of hopelessness, fear, grief and overall what I would call deep depression. The portrayal of being emphathetic to all life and how much anguish it can bring. The feeling of not having any hope in your future, or the entire world’s future for that matter. Striving for perfection and realising that in the end, it has no meaning. Everything becomes meaningless, and the only wish that remains to you is that it would all just end. You lose your sense of self and become your dark thoughts. Not trying to be dramatic or to make anyone worry, but that’s all things I’ve felt and known having severe depression, and I still do. And I think most who have been in a dark place like that in their life felt it during Endwalker. Some lines in dialogues really cut deep.

- Character growth. Be it the Scions or other characters, there was a lot of it in Endwalker. Even Forchenault, who I absolutely despised for being such a stubborn piece of shit putting up a cold front for his goddamn kids. They really know how to make it and break it with characters. Even our boy Zenos finally got his first ounce of character growth, lol! (i don’t believe us rid of him yet, for better or worse) I really loved the (much needed) little breaks like having takeaway dinner with your friends in your dorm room. Getting to see the more vulnerable side of people. Getting to see the real dynamic between Emet and Hythlodaeus. (can’t wait for Pandaemonium and Lahabread lore!) And then for my biggest pet peeve about the expansion: Why was Anima just a dungeon boss ;_; The potential for a trial fight... (i guess they would’ve not shown it beforehand if it was a trial, but still!) I found the anima boss fight more interesting than the zodiark trial tbh, but I might be anima... -biased.

Overall I felt like they could’ve not given us a better conclusion to the story. If I was a little worried about how interested I would be in whatever comes next, now the curiosity has overthrown the worry. It’ll likely be another buildup to another grand storyline, but will they brave another 10-year long arc? I’d be quite alright with that, but not sure if it’s a smart business choice :’D

[the-wardens-torch]

Thoughts about the upcoming FFXIVwrite2022 that mostly devolved into me bitching about EW, so I’ll put them behind a cut out of courtesy.... Think of it as me sneezing into my sleeve instead of into your face.

I want to start by saying I LOVE FXIVWRITE SO MUCH HOLY SHIT. I’ve participated since 2018, and have nearly a hundred pieces of writing that I take genuine pride in to show for it. I’ve gone deeper into Fal’s backstory than I have for any OC I’ve ever had and both indulged my passions and taken myself out of my comfort zones along the way. Most of my followers found me through FFXIVwrite, and I found a bunch of talent to follow as well. I even got a kickass art prize.

2020 was my most productive year with 21 entries, annnd then I fell hard on my face in 2021. To be fair, its mostly because I was raising an orphaned kitten that required bottle feeding every 2-3 hours and was just too damn tired.

So what’s for 2022?  Well, about that... I’m a bit worried. Downright scared, actually. I have plenty of bits of Fal’s story I can finish (and a few alts with unexplored backstories of their own who would probably ADORE the attention) but I just haven’t had the wherewithal. Usually the spirit is willing but the mind and body (and time) are weak, but now the spirit seems gone as well. I don’t feel inspired at all. I know a big part of FFXIVwrite is pushing past obstacles and just writing, but for me I just feel like I’ve mined all the good stuff out of me, and I’m afraid I’ll hit rock bottom if I dig much further.

Why do I feel that way?  Well...

I've played FFXIV since late ARR, and Endwalker has been by far the most disappointing expansion for me. First and foremost, it killed SMN, which I’ve mained since mid-HW. I'm well aware I can just play a different class, write canon divergent and pretend nothing ever happened, but I really did kind of get my identity and Fal's caught up in pre-EW SMN, intentionally or not. And now its just... gone. Its been the better part of a year, and I’m still mad. Nothing else feels like the old SMN and I feel displaced.

I've tried really hard to like the story as well. It came with 8 years of baggage and the necessitated retconning some things and leaving some loose ends untied, but it just fell flat for me. The concept of dynamis was way too similar to pre-existing concepts in the game and Meteion/Hermes as antagonists felt like they came out of absolutely nowhere (though they were interesting characters in their own right.) The only part I really loved and felt the gravity of was the Garlemald arc, painfully clipped though it was. Putting us in a Garlean’s shoes was great storytelling, and the portrayal of refugees had a lot of care and nuance to it. The scene where Alisaie calls out Zenos, and the scene of Jullus crying into his mug of soup were probably my favorites of the whole expansion. If only they had done more with it.

Yes, I am being a whiny immature crybaby.  I sat down wanting to write about my beloved FFXIVwrite and my fears of disappointing it, and I just ended up bitching about EW. My apologies if you read all of this.

[salveticn-a]

@banairai​ :  🤝 from hermes..? 👉👈

     a stifled giggle , mismatched hues not daring to meet hermes’s just yet -- no , the mental image of his dearest clumsily reaching for his palm was much too entertaining to sweep away . he was certain that hermes could feel it , though : the way his fingers trembled at the mere thought of being held , the way his heart shook with adoration , the way his anxiety tormented him with idiotic thoughts -- such as not having to hold his hand too tightly , or his palms being too sweaty for his likings .   now that he thought about it , he could only pray zodiark that hermes wouldn’t have minded his own ineptitude in return .

     at that moment , however , he did himself a favor and shrugged his anxiety away . he missed him dearly and was willing to accept anything his way that bore his name , even something as little as his touch .

     ❝ i hope i’m not disturbing you . ❞   gripping tightly to his fingertips , elpis merely softened up a smile .   ❝ meteion said i would’ve found you here . i’m on a visit today -- a short one , to say the truth . i have errands to run in amaurot , but until then i can spend the time with you ... if you want me , that is . ❞