#even with a broken hand I did it!
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We're having a nice chat back in Anagnorisis when suddenly we're interrupted by a researcher. A seasoned researcher, by his title. Apparently, something has happened with one of the creations. A "lykaon".
The lykaon has been indiscriminately slaughtering other creations with no provocation. It sounds like this has been an ongoing problem, and it has finally reached the point where the researcher in charge of them has concluded they need to be reverted. This news seems to distress Hermes, and he rushes off to the scene of the incident. We follow him.
No sooner do we arrive at the scene of the slaughtered okyupetes than Hermes is off again. Meteion and I catch up to him just as he himself finds Doros; the researcher in charge of the lykaons.
Doros appears to have done his due diligence in determining the fate of the lykaeons: they are unsuited to any environment and must be reverted. Nevertheless, Hermes wants to ensure all avenues have been explored. Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus will accompany him to this meeting.
Meanwhile, I get to babysit Meteion.
Which isn't a bad thing. I like Meteion.
That's a Deep Thought, little bird. You're touching on a debate we still deal with in the real world, and one for which there are no easy answers.
Meteion wants to find a flower for Hermes, to help cheer him up after what will surely be a fraught meeting. We consider several less than ideal candidates - including a morbol - before once again stumbling across Elpis flowers.
Hermes apparently has a complicated relationship to the Elpis flowers, as they reveal his internal pain to a world that can rarely empathize. When I tell Meteion that I, too, have seen the flowers dark she asks to borrow my pain. She wants me to turn the flowers dark in front of Hermes, to show him that he's not alone.
OOF. Oof, I say. Dear reader, forgive me for forgetting which of you told me to keep playing, because there was some plot I could relate to. You were right. Ouch, right in the heart.
That night, with the meeting concluded, we lure Hermes over to the Elpis flowers and I get to work thinking dark thoughts. Meteion tells Hermes he's not alone, and that others feel sad too. And, while Hermes seems to be a bit off balance at how much Meteion has told me, he takes off his mask and asks to speak with me for a time.
Oh wow, Hermes, you have lovely eyes. OMG all the ancients are so beautiful! Goddamn!
Hermes is greatly distressed by what he sees as callous disregard for the lives of the creations under his supervision; death may be embraced by man as a reward, but no other lives are afforded that privilege. "Lesser" lives are brought into being and ended at will, with little regard for the individual experiences of the creation in question.
Hang on.
Was I supposed to feel guilty about Hythlodaeus making me the robe out of butterflies?! Hermes would definitely not approve of that.
I mean... I'm a level 90 leatherworker, and I harvest most of my materials myself. I can recognize and understand what Hermes is feeling without... necessarily agreeing with him.
But then, I am reminded - of all things - of school, and being required to dissect frogs. And I thought it abhorrent that we bring these creatures to life for the sole purpose of killing them. "Education" was such a paltry excuse, when a simple diagram would fulfill the same purpose.
I think, in the real world, Hermes would be a vegetarian.
What painful irony; that which so troubles you now your future self... future incarnation. It seems unfair to call Amon Hermes' own self. But regardless, that man will delight in brining upon others that which you so abhor.
You're not alone Hermes. Please remember that.
I get the feeling you've never opened up to anyone about this before. I think if you had, you'd find that you are not as nearly alone here in Elpis as you may think. On both fronts; your respect for the lives of the beings you tend here, and your feelings of sadness. Several of the sidequests I've been doing have touched on similar themes - there was a woman who did not wish for her mentor to pass on, and a group where we preformed a remembrance ceremony for deceased creations, among others. I wish I'd known these themes would come up or I'd have taken screencaps.
To wind up our heart-to-heart, Hermes tells me a secret: Meteion is one of many. Her sisters are even as we speak making their way from star to star, searching for other worlds and the life upon them. Hermes wants to know what those other beings live for.
I am... a little bit unnerved by this revelation. Oh dear. Especially when, as we are walking away, Meteion turns and looks skyward, as though she hears something... Hermes... Has it occurred to you that not everything you find out there will necessarily be... good?
I mean, the people that created Omega are out there somewhere. And Omega was just one of their weapons.
DID ALIENS CAUSE THE FINAL DAYS!?!?
In the morning, Doros has had an accident with the lykaeons; he's managed to take out four of them, but three have escaped. Hythlodaeus and Emet-Selch quickly locate the escapees and the two of them leave to take care of the ones that are flying above Elpis. Hermes and I are left to deal with the one hiding in the fields. So we do.
It was perhaps a mistake to give these creatures the power of flight.
Hermes is not dealing well with what we've been forced to do.
Hermes... This job is killing you. The responsibilities you are required to take on, the duty you are to perform... You are ill suited for it. And it's tearing you to pieces.
Emet, I swear to Zodiark if you say something insensitive... Hermes is having a wee bit of an emotional breakdown and the last thing he needs is your brand of conversation.
Oh right. That's why you're here; to offer him a different job.
I misjudged you. My apologies.
This is... perhaps not the place for it, but, in contrast to Hermes' pain, I think I am understanding why your future self looks back on the world now as a paradise. Not just because of the reasons you gave in the phantom Amaurot beneath the Tempest: it's because you are happy here. You are fulfilled in your purpose and duty, surrounded by those you love and who love you. You have friends and companions aplenty, and you are lauded and respected for the work you do. You see all of the good that your world and your people embody. What more could a man ask for?
In contrast, Hermes is-- Wait. It cannot be a coincidence that my path has led me here, to this time and place. I am here because something that happens here is the key to understanding the Final Days.
Hermes is experiencing anguish over what he sees as the wrongs of his society. He hates what is happening, feels alone in his suffering, and he's been experimenting with dynamis; the energy fueled by emotions.
Something Hermes has done, is doing, or is about to do is the key to the final days. Did he cause it?? That seems almost unfathomable. That a man as compassionate as Hermes would willingly cause what is to occur. But. Perhaps by accident?
Well, now I wonder. Is there not some dark part of Hermes that wishes to meet the same suffering that so pains him onto those he sees as having carelessly inflicted it? Whether deserving or not, if dynamis is purely fueled by emotion, not requiring logic or intent, he wouldn't necessarily need to mean to enact that, provided the correct vehicle, would he?
Satisfaction would certainly be preferrable than the fate that waits for all three of these men. Far preferrable than the "orgy of pain and suffering" Fandaniel will seek to bring. Everything that lives must one day die, Hermes. We can only hope that while we live, we live well.
Hermes, I would argue that your unique perspective is a shining example of why you should represent your people. You are seeing an issue that no one else is, and you are being offered one of fourteen positions with the power to work towards alleviating it. You have the choice to stay here in Elpis, where you will continue to suffer in silence, or to move on to Amaurot where you can actually make change happen. Take the job.
After his outburst, Hermes begs time alone to gather his thoughts. Hythlodaeus guides Emet-Selch and myself back to the Twelve Wonders, for what I presume will be the next leg of our tour. Emet-Selch appears to be deep in thought after what Hermes said... He admits to understanding, on a rational level, the sadness that comes when someone returns to the star...
Oh no, oh Emet... I wish you never have to suffer what you do.
#ffxiv liveblog#rhesh'a tag#hermes#meteion#emet-selch#hythlodaeus#I did it! I did it! I made a post!!#even with a broken hand I did it!#sorry if this post is a bit all over the place#it took me a LONG time to write it
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Stottlemonk Moments:
Monk s06ep16: "Mr. Monk Is on the Run: Part 2"
#stottlemonk#stottlemeyer x monk#monk season 6 ep 16#mnk06#i wish they went a bit more in depth about people being suspicious of how stottlemeyer was barely phased about killing monk#or more scenes with stottlemeyer trying to act devastated#the last time he thought monk died he had a total breakdown and threatened to quit his job if monk didn't get a full service funeral#and anytime monk is in danger he goes batshit#and now in this case not only did monk die.. he died by stottlemeyer's own hands#so by all accounts stottlemeyer should be acting way more broken up#but he barely grieves and is even still able to work normally#i feel like people would have thought that was very strange#randy and natalie especially have seen first hand how deeply monk and stottlemeyer care for each other#so i feel like they'd be asking way more questions or wouldnt have been fooled so easily or idk.. something like that#i know natalie says “this must be harder on you than anybody” but i need MORE depth#just rambling
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my research partner and i are huddled in a blanket in paddington waiting for a too-late train i already miss you and you and you
#he keeps falling asleep almost on my shoulder and waking up and readjusting but i want to tell him its ok weve seen a lot#of each other ive seen your brainwaves you called me crying a few nights ago. research partner right now is a potentiality#friend is a certainty. i met a banker passionate about finance. he said his advice made the lives of others better and he likes the numbers#more than he likes anything else. on a high rise near canary wharf the view was wonderful and the people even moreso#he said i loved her but i spent 33 grand on her and i cant do this anymore. his voice cracked talking about her. he did love her.#and she talked softly she grabbed my hand she bought me a pack of Marlborough gold she told me to snap#the russian menthol cigarettes of the tortured polish man near us with my teeth i kept staring at her teeth#bright white and sharp. i couldnt find her heartbeat but i did find warmth and i did find her lips and i did feel#how she felt pressed against a wall. a pretty boy held my hand and i gave him my number. i couldnt stop smiling about her no matter#how many runways youve walked on how many collections youve designed how many students youve taught. senior lecturer teaches me how to do#very unethical things ethically over a double shot of vodka made by the half-persian with broken farsi. she talks softly#and she says her eyes are hazel but they appear a shade of red. pure gold on her hands and leather on her back and her fingers on my lips#(she talks softly sees through me she says something i cant hear but i wont forget the way she flies) she talked to my research partner#about the possibility of moving to sunny dubai with the rest of her family and my heart felt pierced. on her arm i traces a tattoo of a#knife passing through a rose. she told me she thought there was romance in severing so i kissed her some more.#he sat me down and asked me what i loved and i told him and he said no romance no person no tragedy will take that from you.#the room was filled with a collection of people in love with something that wasnt a person and i kept looking at her.#red eyes bitten jawline beautiful hands. it is 3 degrees Celsius my head is on his shoulder i miss my friends#we walked out the lecture hall with arms linked a photo of two years ago and we both said#jesus christ. i miss you all. and i miss logic metatheory lectures. im glad i get to stare at the depth of your eyes#i wish i had met you years ago.#crushposting
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if im complaining about batfam misogyny disclaimer i dont keep up with batman comics anymore in any sense but the eye twitching fandom characterization of both steph and cass...
#cassandra cain as a character has a lot of built in racism and misogny that kind of appear with any asian woman in comics#but how did fandom make it worse....#the ever present broken english when this wasnt even a thing in comics... head in hands...#reduction of her as a cute ninja who doesnt talk keeps her family together and does ballet...#if u read 2000s bg alone u would have smth better than that#i could complain about steph too bc she gets like 3 traits and one of them is wearing purple but whatever...
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If someone reads your fic and doesn’t even give a kudos, you should be able to ban them from ever reading it again lmao
#like??#im good okay#i know im good#and im one of the only writers active on the fandom#there are a mere handful of us#i just don’t understand why you wouldn’t leave kudos#like comments I get I guess#you’re shy or you don’t know what to say or you don’t have time#but you can’t even give me a kudos?#like it’s maddening#how broken this fandom is#I’ve never experienced anything like it before#what do I have to do for you to tell me I did a good job 😭😭#obviously this is not about my regulars kudos and comments and keep my spirits up#fandom is symbiotic!!!#fandom tag#ao3#fanfic#Rox talks#this is obviously about the asj fandom
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applying for disability services sucks ass you'll call three different numbers (each located on different pages of the same program of the same site) and sit on hold for hours and then the person who picks up doesn't know what you're talking about. And then you call back a different day to the same number and that person completes the process in ten minutes, cheerfully assures you you'll get a call back soon, and then you Never Fucking Hear From Them Again
#literally lost track of how many support things i applied to where theyre like dont call asking about our wait times we'll call you#and they simply Do not call back.#i have been tryjng to get connected to transport services ALL YEAR . CAN I JUST HAND YOU A $20 AT SOME POINT#the worst ones are the calls where the person who picks up genuinely sounds like they think youre a moron for calling#i had one of them tell me i should have used an online form that DID NOT EXIST and i had to call back later#also none of them havd well designed sites. not even just for like disability accessibility theyre just laid out atrociously#and usually outdated#the accessible parking permit form links were broken for a good few weeks when i was first trying to gef one. not sure how long before that#its so fucking exhausting. i would just like to be Alive#patch me through to palaven command
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one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao
#moogletalks#in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things#and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life#instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis#but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were#and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now#the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community#if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people#their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special#and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality#anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol#ableism cw#internalized ableism cw#pluralitag#traumatag#adventures in mental illness#disabilitag
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Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you
Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.
That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”
Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.
JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.
#mine#Harry potter cw#yeah I don’t want to see or think about this shit either and I’m sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. let’s wipe it#from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and#influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it#but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore#I’ve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who#think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry#maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR#started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was#weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even#passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was#more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out#my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and you’re still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room#and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces#nobody fucking wants this. we did it. we’re done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that it’s not *that* fucking hard to care more#about real life trans people than about antisemitic children’s books.
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Tag drop: Jingliu
#tag drop#jingliu. [ and so i wield my blade to the very end. until the “stars” have been cut down from the sky. this oath: i will never forsake. ]#jingliu: ic. [ trapped in childhood nightmares; she tore off a spread of black silk from the edge of her skirt and covered her eyes. ]#jingliu: inquiries. [ ice waves as sharp as knives spreading like transient flowers in the air. freezing all and everyone they contact. ]#jingliu: countenance. [ when you live to be a thousand years. each day is carrying the weight of a mountain through an interminable maze. ]#jingliu: introspection. [ why do you wield a sword? / this is like asking a poet why they wrote poems. this is the only way for me. ]#jingliu: meta. [ this sword in my hand... naught but a needle compared with the heavenly bodies. how can i use it to cut open a star? ]#jingliu: little notes. [ this is the first time she understands “wanting to live”. before now; she was simply someone ready to die. ]#jingliu: wishes. [ unsheathing this sword without merit is to blaspheme the divine will of the reignbow arbiter; and invite calamity. ]#jingliu: etc. [ to the xianzhou; i am but an abandoned pawn: a wandering swordmaster. ]#jingliu: the sword. [ if a day comes that the quivers run empty; and starskiffs crash who will protect you and i then; or the xianzhou? ]#jingliu: florephemeral sword. [ a sword: 3 feet; 7 inches in length. weighing nothing. and it glowed as if a sliver of moonlight. ]#jingliu: shattered sword. [ a sword: 5 feet in length. weighing 3000 catties. unyielding: mirroring the defiance; hubris of its creator. ]#jingliu: cangchang. [ when devoured; we had to face the truth that our lives were but a grain of sand in the river of time. ]#jingliu: hcq. [ their faces still linger before my eyes like a bygone dream. yet dream will eventually fade. like clouds from the sky. ]#jingliu: memories. [ given the choice between staring at the abyss with a troubled mind and marching blindly: i choose the latter. ]#jingliu: jing yuan. [ in an endless night; there is nothing closer than the bright moon. always hanging in the sky. ]#jingliu: imbibitor lunae. [ even after your rebirth. your techniques haven't changed. / when i move it's like… / … like you never forgot. ]#jingliu: baiheng. [ the things that we said and did together have all been shrouded in a layer of mist. a mist i cannot see through. ]#jingliu: yingxing. [ some are born with unparalleled foresight; intelligence; but make the ill-advised choices at destiny's crossroads. ]#jingliu: blade. [ that broken sword... you don't want to let go of the past. do you; blade? ]#jingliu: yanqing. [ that move was a token of my appreciation; young man. we were fated to meet this day and in days to come. ]#jingliu: v. youth. [ you can use this to vanquish those that took everything from us. ]#jingliu: v. sword champion. [ she knows it all. swords are a part of her body: the intake and release of her breath as she walks. ]#jingliu: v. traitor. [ and i will suffer my eternal punishment. that is the only way to keep the memory of the pain from fading away. ]
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everybody gets on shouto's case for being arrogant before the sports festival but like was he wrong to be arrogant???? if i was trained since 5 and then i enrolled in a school for hero hopefuls who have just started training their quirk, their body, and their minds for the job, god i'd be so fucking arrogant too. everything his peers are learning, shouto already knows!! flying spin kick? boo, boring!! he learned that at six. incorporating your quirk into your fighting? lame, yawn! he's been doing that his whole life. fighting quirkless? his father may be a piece of shit but endeavor is nothing if not thorough.
#am i saying he's right for acting like this? no.#am i saying i understand? yeah#we should've got like a scene where they have to fight quirkless bc#hey what happens when you've exhausted your quirk? or you run into sm1#with a quirk like mine? think children think#and bakugo still cocky gets paired up with shouto and everyone gathers around to watch#and of course bakugo makes the first move but shouto dodges like he saw it coming#and the bkg makes the second and third and fourth but tdrk keeps dodging and bkg's slowly getting angrier and angrier#and then shouto /moves/. quick as a whip. a punch to the head. a kick to the midsection. he is relentless.#but even through this aizawa can tell shouto's heart isn't really into it. that this is too easy for him. finally it seems likes tdrk gets#tired of playing with bkg and drops down to sweep his legs. bkg goes down with an ungraceful curse. shouto stares down at bkg for a sec b4#offering his hand and bkg ofc swats it away but the whole class is in awe. how does tdrk just move like that?? how did he just... woahh#anyway bkg gets pissy and is like “you looking down on me?!” and shouto who hasn't even broken a sweat just goes#“you didn't even put up enough of a fight for me to look down on you.”#anyway tdrk shouto you will always be my favorite prodigy#shouto todoroki#todoroki shouto#bnha
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i need to remake my cup bros ref… both cup and human designs… it’s been almost a year(?) and i’ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)
#my little hc i kinda showed in the refs but didn’t point out: cuphead’s handle appears broken/in human form his ear is halved#cause he has microtia (that also affects the eustachiantube/middle ear). basically i am a HoH cuphead truther#also to add onto that i think he has poor auditory processing issues cause i also see him as AuDHD#double also. while he would use ASL on a bad hearing day i think regularly he also uses home signs to express words/concepts#autism-related btw. it’s actually a bit visible in insert cuphead media (to me at least LOL) that cuphead expresses a lot of body language#so not liking conversation oral or signed as well as replacing oral words w home signs is in character. at least to my headcanon whatever#floats your boat!#OH! plus his split upper lip that i draw him with isn’t related to the microtia. he just roughhouses and chipped/tore his lip open when he#was younger#cuphead is also a trans boy. it feels right to me LOL#even back in 2017 when i barely knew the game or also much about trans people i saw cuphead and was like hm. hm!#tbh he just pawned his clothes onto mugman. who i’ve also changed my hc for i see him more as bigender than a cis boy now#LOL. i cast bi on mugman. sorry buddy#OH HIM TOO. im so sorry mugsy i have like two headcanons for you 😭😭😭#she uses he/she 2 me. i like casting personal parts of myself onto mugman even if i gravitate more towards cuphead/chalice#i see him as a bi ace as well. and a hopeless romantic. i don’t ship uhh i don’t remember what it’s called#i don’t ship cala maria X mugman (respect though) cause i see the cups as kids and i’m also a hilda X maria shipper LOL#but in the show. i will be real that she is a hopeless romantic. Look at that dork#FORGOT TO MENTION. i am a cuphead aroace truther to my grave. KEEP THAT MUSHY ROMANCE OUT OF MY HIGH SEAS ADVENTURE!!!!#like i said w cuphead before mugman is AuDHD (they share. many genes LMFAO)#however the difference is that they express it in different ways; while cuphead’s is more linked to his hearing/social behavior#mugman’s is more related to her emotions. i see it through my headcanon colored glasses that especially in the show mugman has more#meltdowns between the two cups#he has high emotional sensitivity both in positive and negative ways; former as in being strongly attached to cuphead and latter as in#more prone to meltdowns as well as being very literal#which isn’t a bad thing of course. mugman we are shaking hands so hard we are the same#OK that’s all the ones i want to share right now. i also haven’t shared her human or cup design i did but i’m workshopping chalice!!!!!!#i am leaving her out intentionally she deserves her own post because i luv her so much#ok post over. twenty minutes dedicated to autism about the twins out of the trio#cuphead
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something just clicked in my brain i have no idea why i can’t stop thinking of them suddenly but ttpd has major blackstairs implications
#the ‘i love you it’s ruining my life’ of it all#the whole bridge actually is giving that era where they thought emma would have to move away to protect them#and / or give up her runes#mine#tda#GUILTY AS SIN IS SO THEM……#as well as down bad fresh out the slammer and but daddy i love him#lowkey cososom but i love that song enough to make it work#also lowkey the albatross#but definitely so high school and also sort of peter and also definitely the bolter#because emma is nothing if not the bolter especially with the whole mark scandal#now walk with me here…..i hate it here also works#robin being about the blackthorn kids growing up 🥺#AND YOU KNOW WHAT I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART TOO WHILE IM AT IT#because emma really DID do it all with a broken heart#julian on the other hand very decidedly could not and so went on a quest to remove all his emotions#which is certainly a different strategy#imgonnagetyouback 👀 i’m seeing the vision#HOW DID IT END EVEN IF WE’RE IN THE MOOD FOR SOME SERIOUS PAIN#cososom is like that very brief moment in faerie where emma convinced herself julian was in love with that random faerie lady
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Frogs!!!!!!
#sewing#handmade#plushie#frog plushie#frog#baby blanket#frog baby blanket#frog baby set for my neighbor’s niece#this frog is entirely handsewn#because until I gave up on waiting to improve with time and requested the breakthrough asthma meds from my doctor#I very much needed to sit the hell still#and I am not good at that#but handsewing keeps me sitting still for longer#I only accidentally dropped a frog leg on the living room floor#because I forgot I was sewing and that it was on my lap once#okay maybe twice#also I broke a needle hand sewing it and half the broken needle went down my shirt#did not get even a little stabbed by the needle though! and it did not break while inside the frog#all shards of needle are present and accounted for#(and are currently in the empty pill bottle currently designated for broken pins and needles so that they don’t stab anyone in the trash)
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oughh......
#laya plays dragon age#da2#oc: liam hawke#this happened a bit ago already & i wanted to draw sth for it but idk if i will finish that#but i gotta yell abt them anyway because OGH.#i have a lot of emotions about this quest ok#bartrand was the perfect scapegoat he was perfect to direct all the rage and pain at all these years#years of imagining gleeful revenge while bartrand is gloating and laughing like an evil soulless bastard#and then you meet him and he is just. a pathetic husk of a man with barely any own will left#and whats worse. varric is so so torn up about it#varric. the guy who never makes anything about him and who will always handwave and joke when something hits too close to home#drops all efforts to be smart and is just. desperate. begs hawke to not kill his brother#and liam wants to want bartrand dead so bad. he wishes he could look him in the eye and enjoy taking his life#and he knows varric will listen to him if he insisted. he knows when it comes down it it varric will yield to his decision#but he sees this broken guy who is barely the villain he kept projecting onto him and he sees varric and he sees two doomed siblings#and knows what its like to lose your sibling to your own blade#and he cant do it#and he hates it so much. but he wont do it.#and its the reason why i cant decide who dealt the killing blow for bethany bc it makes this scene juicy in different ways#if varric kills bethy its equally wanting to spare each other their siblings blood on their hands#as it is taking some form of revenge (on liams part). we both killed each others siblings. now we are even#the revenge part would still be there if liam did the blow on bethany himself. you made me do that and now i will take bartrand for it#but its also much more i know what its like. i wont make go through that too#if varric killed bethy and then also bartrand it would be more#''its my fault she is dead. i will take the revenge she/you deserves if you tell me to even though it will hurt me#dunno. all good variations i will. have to rotate them in my head more#or maybe just never decide idk they can be in canon limbo forever#anyways thats it for shouting into the void about them for now it Will happen again
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I was thinking about stuff again and looking into the transcript and this exchange really does just pull some unspoken weight in it
Stan: How did things get so messed up between us? Ford: We used to be like Dipper and Mabel. The world's about to end and they still work together. How do they do it? Stan: Easy. They're kids. They don't know any better.
Of course we know Stan and Ford’s whole deal, but the whole sentiment here really just pulls a tragic note
There’s this unspoken acknowledgement that they both want to have a relationship, but (at this point) it’s treated as something that just... can’t happen
There’s a sentiment a lot of times that if you really love someone and they love you - that things turn out fine. Or at least, on the surface you’d think ‘well why would we ever stop being close?’ because logically, it doesn’t make sense
But in practice - it happens. It’s a falling out where you still both love each other, but now there’s this obstacle
really love the show for having this moment between them btw
And here in the show - Stan and Ford both see so much of how they used to be in Dipper and Mabel
Even here though where Ford directly draws that parallel though - he’s not connecting how they’re able to not squabble when everything’s going wrong - how they pull together instead of apart when the stakes turn high
and Stan saying it’s because they don’t know any better-
It just really paints a picture of how behind the pair of them are to Dipper and Mabel - especially after the Mabel-land episode
The Little Dipper episode is an instance where Dipper and Mabel have a similar squabble to the Stans’ petty hand-holding debacle, but afterwards they open up to one another and stuff is fine again.
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The thing about this whole thing - it’s not that Dipper and Mabel never have moments of broken trust between each other or insecurities or anything like this - it’s that when this stuff happened they were eventually able to open up to one another and that’s how they got through it and came to work together without bickering
Because it’s not about blind or naive trust - it’s about that trust and putting in the effort to show some vulnerability and even talk about stuff instead of burying it down
Stan and Ford’s relationship acts as an obvious cautionary foil to Dipper and Mabel’s own, and it’s tragic because like with Dipper & Mabel you can see how Stan & Ford could also have possibly reconciled.
And the tragic thing in this set of lines is that, they really don’t understand and they still view it as this near-impossible thing for themselves.
#fordatalk#stan pines#ford pines#gravity falls#meta#long post#ford is outright going 'how do they do it'#meanwhile stan misunderstands their trust as them never having known broken trust before#or never having gone through anything only to be deeply hurt bc someone didn't haveyour back#and while on the one hand - yeah they haven't had the amount of real life circumstances of getting kicked out or etc#his misunderstanding comes in that he throws out their effort entirely#like they don't have to try as hard to be open bc they're kids and they don't know better#but it's still effort to be open and vulnerable with even people you already trust#because the rift that starts when you start questioning or having the insecurity and you don't say anything...#just because it's harder doesnt mean it's impossible and doesn't mean others arent doing it#(also you know. it Did get harder for dipper and mabel after the weridmageddon start)#ALSO brief aside#but i do also think that the stan twins had some extra obstacles for emotional connection/etc#with filbrick pines as their dad + growing up in the 50s/60s + the toxic masculinity on both sides
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Just kinda the vibe lately ~
#personal#mine#its not even that life sucks lately#its that for a moment it was just so good#sure#it wasnt perfect even then#all the problems didnt disappear#and Id argue that midway through I did crash#hard#like every time life is kind#and it all feels too good to be true#do you know how heartbreaking it is#to learn that things dont have to be the way they are?#things have arguably been on the side of good since ive been back#really#its hard because it doesnt hurt#and it'd be easier if it hurt.#instead its this dream thats slipping through my fingers#I don't think I can remember most of it other than knowing it happened#remembering the realization that things could be different#a strangled pleading broken voice in the silence crying out that things were different!!#but I don't get to remember what it felt like anymore#its already slipped through my fingers like when the sun was setting over the sandy shore and i tried to cradle the ocean in my small hands#and take all that she was#an expansiveness I couldn't and still can't hope to fathom#home with me.#essays in the tags
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