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livesincerely · 4 years ago

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I have recently discovered that both Ben Frankhauser and Jeremy Jordan have done covers for “Run Away with Me” and I’m sure I’ve worried some poor fbi analyst with how many times I’ve repeated both videos. And I am delirious with excitement for your fic. Is there updates on the fic you’re dying to share? Seriously I am constantly astonished by your incredible imagination and creativity cause of how much I love all your fics. 💗

Pretty sure this is gonna end up being a rambley disaster, so apologies in advance. 😅

So, I think i’m going to let this fic be a one-shot, and if it ends up being a 10k one-shot a la invisible strings, then that’s how it’s gonna be. I just think that’s going to work better for the vibes I’m hoping for versus a multi-chapter thing—like it’s a long marathon road trip in format as well as content, if that makes sense?

The fic is going to take place in its own universe, but probably one that’s similar to the one in the letterman fic or ‘your eyes look like coming home’—Jack lives with Medda and I was gonna have Crutchie be his brother, but I think I’m going to switch it up and have Spot be his brother, just because I’ve decided I need more of Spot & Jack in my life. I’m thinking it’s gonna kick off right near the beginning of March, as all the college acceptance letters are arriving.

We all know that my Jack is especially, impossibly in love with Davey, and I think I’m gonna treat myself and go full tilt, no holds barred, They Are So In Love with this one.

Except, they aren’t together.

There’s not going to be much, if any, pining in this one though. In a rare move for me, Jack is the one that realizes he’s in love first, and I think he’s reached a point by the start of this fic where he’s come to peace with the fact that his feelings for Davey are something that just is. Like, sure, he’d be ecstatic if Davey returned his feelings, but he’s content with just being with Davey, period, regardless of what form that takes. Plus, he recognizes that, at the start of all this, Davey just isn’t in a place where he can handle that kind of huge revelation, so Jack is happy to let his feelings simmer quietly in the background.

Davey, on the other hand, is going to realize that he’s in love with Jack over the course of the fic itself. I imagine it being something like, they’re eating lunch in a diner, Jack does something silly and ridiculous like ordering an ice cream sundae the size of his head, and Davey looks at him, shaking his head and laughing, and just absently thinks to himself, ‘wow, what an idiot, I’m so in love with him’. And then, ‘holy shit, this is the idiot I’m in love with.’

“Uh, Dave, you good?” Jack asks, frowning slightly. There’s a whipped cream mustache smeared all along his upper lip. Davey’s heart beats frantically against his rib cage. “You went all pale all’a the sudden—”

“Fine!” Davey blurts out, his voice pitching towards a squeak. “I’m fine!”

Jack does not look convinced by this, which is fair.

“You sure?” he asks. “’Cause you can tell me if somethin’s botherin’ you.”

“No, I’m—” Davey makes himself pause, takes a breath, tries to give his racing pulse a chance to slow. “I’m fine, I just... realized something.”

“Yeah?” Jack says. “Anythin’ you wanna share with the class?”

“No,” Davey says, a little too quickly. “No, I... Not yet.”

“Okay,” Jack says, watching him carefully. Davey can barely hold his gaze, feeling like at any moment those deep brown eyes are going to see right through him, as they so often do. “If you’re sure. But, it ain’t nothin’ bad, right?”

“No, Jackie,” Davey promises, ducking his head. “Nothing bad at all.”

I think Davey spends all of 72 hours quietly freaking out over the realization that he’s in love with his best friend. But he quickly comes to understand that absolutely nothing has changed or needs to change: he’s been in love with Jack this whole time, maybe even for years now, it’s just that now he knows. And similarly to Jack, Davey loves Jack to the point where it’s just a aspect of himself—there’s not something that needs to be “”done”” about it, it just is.

And also, the last thing Davey wants is to jeopardize his relationship with Jack in any way, that would be the absolute worst possible outcome of all this, so he decides to not say anything about it for now. He’s been so happy with just getting to spend time with Jack, with finding himself one day at a time with his favorite person in the world at his side—he doesn’t need anything more.

Except, now Davey knows. And now that Davey knows, he can’t help but look at all of his interactions with Jack in a new light, and because it’s Davey, it takes him less than a week to figure out that Jack’s in love with him too.

Because Jack has been making absolutely no effort to hide his feelings for Davey—he’s not actively acting on them, sure, but they’re still super obvious to anyone that thinks about it for more than a few minutes. And now that Davey’s recovering—is relearning to love himself and recognizes that he’s great just how he is and doesn’t need to live up to his parents’ expectations to have value—it’s like he’s finally shed his blinders and sees the way Jack looks at him, the way that Jack’s always looked at him. And it’s just.... 🥺💗💗💗

I love the idea of this whole fic being filled with revelations that aren’t actually revelations. Like, it’s not that they didn’t know, it’s that they didn’t know that they knew, if that makes sense?

That’s what I hope the confession and getting together feels like:

We’re in love. Oh. Oh, of course we’re in love. We’ve always been in love, haven’t we? We just didn’t realize it.

So that’s kind of where I’m at? I was gonna talk more about how seamlessly Jack and Davey interact and all their different love languages and also about how I’m actually going to use this fic as an excuse to explore a ‘Jack’s father’ storyline, but this is Long so I’ll leave it here.

I’ve been a little all over the place the last couple of days as far as what WIPs are actually managing to hold my attention, but this one feels like it’s sitting right close to my heart, so it could be out relatively soon? No promises because it is me and we know what I’m like, but the super fluffy, hurt comfort mixed with Intense Romance is really calling to me lol. 😊🌟✨

#*ask #run away with me fic #*editor's note #thank you for this ask tho i love every single one you send me #also these are very helpful in helping me focus my thoughts in a constructive manner

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king-finnigan · 4 years ago

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Ok so you know those fics where Geralts hair is damaged by a monster and Jaskier fixes it? Modern au, but Geralt still hunts monsters and lives with his platonic friend (crush) jask. One night he comes home and his hair is wrecked so jask helps him cut it but he realizes too late that the clipper doesn’t have a guard. This would 11/10 help me cope with how my sister did the same thing to me :( lol

I now have an incredibly drastic short side cut and a guilty sister. Luckily we aren’t going out so it will grow lol. I just feel like that’s something (messing up clippers) Jaskier would do.

A/n: oh noooo, I’m so sorry to hear that! I hope your hair grows back quickly! Hope this little fic helps lmao. (Also I added a bit onto the story because I have one (1) hobby and I can and will use it in my writing)

Jaskier looks up from his book when he hears the roaring of Roach’s engine outside the living room window. He can’t help the wild grin that spreads across his face, though he takes a moment to gather himself as he walks to the front door – he doesn’t really wanna show Geralt how glad he is to see him after spending the last few days on his own. After all, Geralt’s just a housemate, nothing more. Definitely not Jaskier’s crush. No, sir.

His composure falls when he swings the door open and finds his Witcher in the driveway, his hair a veritable fucking mess. He bursts out into laughter, which earns him a glare from Geralt, who pushes past him, into the house. “Don’t mention it,” he grumbles.

Jaskier closes the front door behind him, leaning against it as he watches Geralt dump his laundry by the washing machine under the stairs, his face as still as ever, the tightening of his jaw the only sign that he’s in a really bad mood. Of course, Jaskier’s never let that stop him.

“So what happened, Witcher? Run into a lawnmower?” Geralt glares at him again, and Jaskier grins. It does really look like a mess – a large chunk of hair missing from the back of his head, some loose strands hanging at random lengths around it.

He sighs, folds his arms in front of his chest. “Alright, I’ve got an idea. There’s no way that’s gonna look good for the next…” he waves his hand a bit “year or so? At least until it grows back to full length, which is gonna take a while. So, what if… I give you a new haircut?”

Geralt looks at him, narrows his amber eyes. “No.”

Jaskier scoffs, leaning his head against the door, looking up at the ceiling. He notices a spider web in the corner and makes a mental note to vacuum it up later. “Come on, Geralt. We both know your hair’s gonna look like shit if we don’t do something about it. And you know,” he shrugs, “maybe it’s time for a new look. You’ve had the same haircut for… what? Sixty years? Don’t you think it’s time for something new?”

Geralt sighs, his shoulders slumping a bit in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go to a hairdresser tomorrow.”

Jaskier scoffs, pushing himself away from the door to start loading in the washing machine. “No, you won’t. You told me you don’t want a stranger with scissors getting anywhere near you, like, a year ago. Oh, don’t give me that look, I actually listen to what my housemate says, unlike some people.”

He straightens again, slams the washing machine door shut. “Look, Witcher, I’ve got perfectly good scissors and clippers in the bathroom. I’m perfectly adept at cutting my own hair and maintaining it, so doing yours would be easy as fuck. Your options are trusting me, trusting a stranger, or looking ridiculous.” He shrugs, picking his book from the living room table, walking up the stairs as Geralt continues staring at him. “Your choice.”

---

A knock on his door startles him out of his concentration. “Yeah?” The door opens a crack, and he sees Geralt’s amber eyes peering at him. “What is it? Changed your mind?”

“Hmm.” The door closes again, and Jaskier can’t help the slow smile that spreads across his face as he closes his laptop and gets up. He finds the Witcher in the bathroom, his hair clean and slightly damp from, presumably, a shower – though still very much a mess.

“Alright, so…” He waves his hand vaguely. “Any ideas? What do you want to do with it?”

Geralt’s frown deepens, and he looks at himself in the mirror. “I don’t know.”

Jaskier sighs, purses his lips. “Alright, let me see.” He moves to stand behind Geralt, carding a hand through the soft locks, assessing the damage. “Yeah, definitely gonna have to go for an undercut, here. Or a crewcut, if that’s what you want?”

“No.”

“Okay, undercut it is.” He takes a step to the side so he can see Geralt’s face in the mirror. “Do you want the top to be, like, the same length as my hair, or like, as long as it is now?”

Geralt seems to hesitate, eyes flickering between himself and Jaskier, probably trying to imagine how he would look with hair the same length as Jaskier’s. Finally, he seems to decide, and nods once. “Long.”

Jaskier grins, pushing past Geralt to rummage in the cupboard under the sink. “Alright, please do take my desk chair from my room, master Witcher, and I’ll be with you shortly.”

He doesn’t miss Geralt’s eyeroll, though the Witcher does as he’s told, walking out of the bathroom, returning with Jaskier’s chair. Usually, he does his own hair standing up, but Geralt is an inch or two taller than him, which would make it hard to do his hair – it’s easier if Geralt sits down. Which is what the Witcher does, before Jaskier even has to ask. He grins again, and moves to stand behind Geralt, hairtie in hand. He gathers the hair at the top of Geralt’s head, tying it up in a messy bun, so he doesn’t accidentally cut it off, before he takes the heavy scissors.

“Alright, we’re gonna have to cut off the longer parts first, before I shave it.”

He sighs, taking a lock at the back of Geralt’s head, before looking up, meeting amber eyes in the mirror. “You ready?” Geralt nods, once. Snip. The lock falls to the ground, Jaskier’s eyes following it all the way down. He sighs again. “Alright, let’s continue.”

---

Before long, the back and sides of Geralt’s head are significantly shorter, and Jaskier lays down the scissors, flexing his stiff fingers a bit, before taking the clippers.

“Hmm. Maybe start with 9 and work our way down? That way we can always cut it shorter if it’s too long.”

Geralt sighs softly, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Just get it over with.”

Jaskier grins. “Don’t like clippers?”

“Too loud.”

He nods, even though he personally enjoys the buzzing of the clippers, enjoys the feeling of them scraping against his head, but hey, to each their own, he supposes. He turns them on, setting them against the back of Geralt’s head. He heaves a soft sigh, before moving the clippers up, and-

Oh, fuck.

He forgot to put the guard back on the clippers. Meaning that those 9 millimeters he planned on leaving on Geralt’s head have turned to… well, 0. He can’t hide the horror on his own face as he looks from the clippers to the bald patch he managed to create on Geralt’s head.

“What did you do?”

He looks up at Geralt’s reflection, at the amber eyes studying his face intently, a storm brewing beneath the surface.

“Jaskier, what did you do?” the Witcher repeats, and Jaskier swallows thickly.

“I, uh… Forgot the guard. And now…” He points at the back of Geralt’s head sheepishly. “No hair.”

Geralt’s jaw tightens, and a muscle starts pulling at the corner of his lips. Usually, when he looks like that, he goes outside for a few hours and comes back home with bloody knuckles and bits of bark clinging to his skin. Except today, it seems, as Geralt deflates in the chair, tension leaving his shoulders. “Fine.”

Jaskier blinks, frowns. “What?”

“I said ‘fine’. Just do the rest like that. It’ll grow back.”

Jaskier bites his trembling lip, guilt flooding him as he sets the clippers against Geralt’s head again.

---

“It’s a bowl cut.”

Jaskier frowns. “No! It’s… a very short undercut.”

“It’s a long bowl cut, Jaskier.”

He chews on the inside of his cheek, fidgeting with his fingers, as he looks at Geralt, who’s staring at his own reflection. “Okay, maybe it is, but… It’ll grow back? Eventually?” He swallows, looks away. “Geralt, I’m- I’m so sorry, I-“

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not, Geralt, I fucked up and I’m so s-“

“Jaskier. I said it’s fine.” The Witcher sighs, walking to the bathroom door. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Jaskier.” He closes the door a little bit harder than he usually does, and Jaskier flinches.

He sighs, spending the next half hour cleaning the hair from the bathroom floor and brushing it out of the clippers, guilt mulling in his head. When he’s done, he rolls the desk chair back to his own room, sitting down on it heavily. He fucked up, he really did. And there’s no way to fix it, either – Geralt will have to walk around for the next few weeks with, well… basically a bowl cut. A long bowl cut, but a bowl cut nonetheless.

He sighs, leaning his chin on his hand, trying to find some way to fix it, when his eye lands on a crochet hook in his penholder. It’s been a few years since he’s done crochet, but it can’t be that hard, right? He suddenly remembers the box of wool under his bed, and a plan forms in his head.

---

Turns out relearning crochet is hard, and he spends the entire night hunched over his work, pausing and unpausing the tutorial over and over again, clumsy fingers working even clumsier stitches. But by the time the sun rises, he’s done it. He’s managed to make a beanie for Geralt. Of course, he’s not sure if it’s gonna fit – he had to use his own head for measurements and added a few stitches to make it a bit bigger – and the colour is… questionable, but it’s there, in all its uneven and bright yellow glory.

He looks up when he hears Geralt’s door open, and sprints into the hall, nearly bumping into the Witcher’s broad chest. Geralt frowns, looks down at Jaskier’s disheveled clothes, still from the previous day, at the circles under his eyes, and scoffs. “What did you do?”

Jaskier frowns, takes a step back, because being this close to Geralt is making his heart do weird things, and hides his work behind his back. “Why do you always think I’m up to something, Geralt?”

“Because you always are.”

Jaskier nods. “Fair enough.” He sighs, chewing on his lower lip. “Look, I’m sorry for what happened yesterday, I really am. So, I uh… made this. For you.” He holds out the beanie, depositing it in Geralt’s hands, who frowns at the misshapen lump of wool.

“What is it?”

“It’s a beanie.”

“It’s yellow.”

“That’s the only wool I had left.”

“You could’ve just bought one, you know that, right?”

He sighs, rolling his eyes. In all honesty, he did forget about just buying one, but Geralt needs to learn how to appreciate a nice gesture, really. He stretches out his hand, reaching for the beanie. “Look, if you don’t want it, you can give it back.”

His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline when Geralt snatches his hands away from Jaskier’s, clutching the lump of wool against his chest. “No.”

“No, what? No, you don’t want it, or no, you’re not giving it back?”

It’s quiet for a while, amber eyes looking at his face intently. Finally: “Thank you.”

That surprises him even more. “For what? Fucking up your hair or making a shitty beanie?”

Geralt grins, a sight that leaves Jaskier slightly breathless. “For trying.”

Jaskier feels a blush creeping up his cheeks, and smiles. “Well, thank you for putting up with me trying.” Before he can think twice about it, he takes a step forward, planting a soft kiss on Geralt’s cheek. The Witcher merely looks at him wide-eyed, and regret curls in Jaskier’s stomach. He’s about to take a step back to flee back into his bedroom, when Geralt’s hand closes around his wrist, stopping him.

He can only stand there, heart in his throat, as Geralt leans forward, softly kissing him. It’s just a feather-light touch, but it’s enough to leave Jaskier breathless and desperate for more – so when Geralt moves back, Jaskier closes his hand around the back of the Witcher’s neck, pulling him closer again, deepening the kiss this time.

He does have to come up for air, eventually – and regrettably – but the sight of Geralt grinning at him makes up for the lack of kissing. He smiles softly. “You know, Witcher… that bowl cut is actually really growing on me, you sure you don’t wanna keep it that way?”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

#Anonymous #squish answers #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #drabble #the witcher

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dreadnought-dear-captain · 6 years ago

Text

‘Til the End of the Line (or Not) OR: See? We TOLD You “No Homo.” Love, Markus and McFeely

*****WARNING: 99.9% SALT!! Contains spoilers for Avengers Endgame!!****

I guess this is part two of my personal processing of Endgame. @pitchforkcentral86 was not satisfied by my timey-wimey Endgame post, which centered on Steve’s choice to go back in time to be with Peggy and the implications of that choice. She remarked that yeah, it’s great that Steve might not be a total piece of crap, Pym particles, yada yada, whatever, but it still didn’t make her feel any less despair over this ending.

The source of her agony: Steve and Bucky’s relationship and its utter lack of satisfying resolution. So I shall address that now, because I think I feel worse about that than anything, and I can’t explain it away with Pym particles.

Anyone who has any investment at all in the relationship between Bucky and Steve — whether you are a Stucky person or whether you view them as platonic but deeply connected best friends — has probably had to spend the last two movies scraping around the floor, searching for crumbs, signs, any hints that these two people care about each other. We have been begging the Russos, the screenwriters Markus and McFeely, anyone who would listen, for anything to suggest that they are even on the barest of speaking terms, let alone that they have the intensity of relationship that the MCU spent 3+ movies explicitly convincing us that they have. I’ll even come out and say that although I ship Stucky in fandom and fic hardcore, I am not an MCU canon Stucky person per se. I’m 100% fine if the MCU wants to treat this as a deep, fraternal friendship. In fact, I see some benefits to this interpretation. How wonderful if men could love each other so deeply and have it NOT be sexual or romantic. But I’m also 100% fine with people interpreting this as romantic love, and there were times throughout this franchise where the actors, various parties in production, and Marvel itself has been agnostic on the subject, if not encouraging of gay interpretations of their relationship. Let it be what you want, fans have been told. Or just flat out post a pic of Steve and Bucky on #National Boyfriend Day like Civil War comic writer Mark Millar. Sure. At times, it almost felt safe to ship them. As soon as Civil War drew to a close, however, it started becoming... inconvenient for Bucky and Steve to be together. Steve needs to go to the Raft. Bucky needs to go into cryo. Steve needs to become Nomad and go secret avenging. Bucky needs to do his Vibranium Brain Magic (TM)/goat herding complex PTSD recovery program. Side note: Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) is my provisional diagnosis based on virtually nothing, because Bucky’s character has gotten so little substantive screen time that we can only guess at his psychological state, save what can be conveyed through glistening eyes and woobieface and “... but I did it.” Wow. Bowl me over, you really got me right in the McFeelys. Though +1000 to SebStan for working what he got to work with to the max. That motherfucker can act. We know for certain approximately jack shit about Bucky’s internal experience post-Winter Soldier. And so, like pretty much everything with Bucky and this friendship/ship arc, I will just guess at what is actually wrong with him. But after 70 years as a POW being tortured and possibly gaslit and definitely brainwashed, that is almost the textbook recipe for complex PTSD, so imma go with that. Returning to this distance. Now, it first appears to be largely logistical in nature. Steve is over here, Bucky is over there. Golly, just too busy to hang these days. All this secret avenging without you. And when we pine — pine — for the meaningful reunion of these two in IW, instead we got a “Hey brah, how's it hanging?” “You know, old and traumatized lol” exchange and a “let’s make sure our dicks don’t touch” back-slappy hug that lasted two seconds. This is without any hint as to whether these two have seen each other yet after Bucky’s de-thawing, leaving us to wonder whether this is really the big reunion we have been waiting for.

(If we had audio, the sound would be 70% slapping.)

I’m going to pause here, because for many of us, this was devastating. After all, we were left with this shot of Steve as Bucky made the choice to go into cryo, a choice that seemed only somewhat justifiable on the vague grounds of “I can’t trust my own mind.” (Me either, pal.)

Ugh.

Perhaps this was also an avoidance strategy — easier to go back on ice than deal with the emotional fallout of what just happened. And who could blame him? He is probably still relearning how to cope effectively with things after his entire coping system was destroyed by his time with Hydra. But Steve was clearly disappointed or, at the very least, saddened by this. He gets something back just to lose it again. Enter distance. He leaves and goes avenging. Emotionally, perhaps this move to cryo created distance as well. Their relationship was on such fragile ground at this point, mostly an artifact from the ‘40s, and their chance to deepen it was taken away by the writers because Bucky wanted to go on ice for reasons and Steve needed to do Steve things. And so when IW rolled around, oh, did we want them to have a substantive reunion. But alas, we did not get that. We saw equally substantive exchanges between Bucky and Sam or Rocket and far more substantive exchanges between Steve and pretty much anyone else. And then we got the ultimate separation — (fake) death. Again. A traumatic, unplanned loss that costs another five years from their timeline, all before they even got the chance to properly re-establish a friendship. Again, I’m going off of what we actually see portrayed, not off of what we assume or would like to see. We have absolutely no idea how much Steve and Bucky interacted in Wakanda. But Steve busted Sam out of the Raft quite early, early enough that he still had a messed up face from the time Tony went in (unless he was getting beatings on the reg, which is possible). So if he was hanging with Sam since before Bucky went on ice, and Sam just visited Wakanda for the first time in IW, either Steve was borrowing the Quinjet to secretly visit Wakanda on his own to hang with Bucky, or he hadn’t been back to Wakanda since he left the first time.

Regarding Steve visiting Wakanda between CW and IW — I found this bullshit from Markus and McFeely on the subject of whether Steve and Bucky met or talked prior to IW. The writers could not even agree about their own characters, with one saying that Steve and his crew probably visited Wakanda and hung out with Bucky and the other saying, eh, the two of them “maybe Skyped.” As to the former, this is not at all supported by the narrative or by logic. Infinity War is clearly Sam’s first time in Wakanda, with all that drama about “zomg you’re gonna hit those trees, bro!” as they are flying into the city. And why would Steve leave his team alone and vulnerable, probably taking the Quinjet, their only form of reliable and safe transportation, so he could go visit Bucky alone? He’s not there for a booty call, y’all, because these guys have barely even rekindled their friendship. Moreover, the other secret avengers know how important Bucky is to Steve. This isn’t a secret. There would be no reason to go alone and no reason for T’Challa to forbid Nat, Sam, and Wanda from coming to Wakanda. So it makes no sense that Steve has visited Wakanda prior to IW, and thus, that would make IW their first meeting, which is… utter and heartbreaking garbage. But at least they had motherfucking SKYPE. MAYBE. Fuck. You. Very. Much.

So, in the face of this shit reunion and Bucky’s subsequent dusting, some of us kindled hope for the upcoming Endgame. Perhaps we would get flashbacks. We knew there would be flashbacks or time travel because we saw stuff in the trailers and sneak peeks from the set. So maybe there would be something there to account for the utter lack of attention to their relationship in Infinity War. Again, this was the mere request that Markus and McFeely and the directors acknowledge wholeheartedly what they have been building for these characters since the beginning of their time in the MCU. This was not even strictly about Stucky. This was about doing justice for these characters as humans. But there were no flashbacks. Who knows what happened in Wakanda. We will have to fill in the blanks on our own. Not a single comment could be spared to even signal whether the IW Wakanda scene was their first time seeing each other since cryo. “How’s that new arm treating you?” or “God, it’s been so long”/deep emotion would be all it would have taken to not keep us wondering one way or the other. This suggests a lack of consideration to the fans of these characters and this relationship — which, again, Markus and McFeely slaved to get us to pour our hearts into. So… Endgame. What was that? Bucky and Steve didn’t stand next to each other at Tony’s funeral. Okay. Bucky is not an A-list Avenger. He did kill Tony’s parents. Awkward. Bucky was comforted by Sam, his… guy he sat behind in the Volkswagen in Civil War and fought next to in IW, and he needed comfort apparently (?) because he… killed Martha and Howard Stark (??), which was sweet, and much more spontaneous affection than we’ve seen from Steve in an age, but what the actual fuck??? Was that Mickey Mouse standing behind the Iron Man 3 kid wearing a “Falcon and Winter Soldier” miniseries t-shirt?

And that ending. This was maybe the one implied nugget of friendship between them visible with an electron microscope. They obviously had at least one deep conversation about Steve deviating from the plan to go have a life, and they obviously had a discussion about who would succeed him as Cap. My dreams of Bucky Cap were dashed into dust, but as @pitchforkcentral86 said, it would have been cruel to give it to Bucky. Bucky would possibly have taken it if Steve kicked the bucket in EG, but it makes the most sense to be passed along in a planned way to Sam. So maybe they had at least one good conversation. Way, way off camera. Bucky said he would miss him. Recycled TFA line. Thank God it was not involving the words “jerk” and “punk.” Glistening woobie eyes. Steve leaving to go be with the one person who can make him feel like a whole human being, apparently, because there is nothing and nobody tethering him to this time in history anymore.

Whoa— wait— WHAT??? These are the moments where I literally double check the credits for the Cap movies to make sure that it says “Markus and McFeely.” Then I check the latest Avengers movies to make sure they also say “Markus and McFeely.” And they ALL DO!! The same two men painstakingly crafted the story of Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, two men who — let’s be literal in the narrative here, for the sake of making a conservative argument — are best friends from childhood. They hammered on this story HARD, making sure that their relationship was so strong that by the time 2016 rolled around, the depth and intensity of their friendship and Steve’s commitment to it would tear the Avengers apart. And along the way, something else happened.

When you put two people in relationship like this, you have to know that there will be consequences. People will grow very emotionally invested in their relationship, because that is exactly what the writers were asking the audience to do. These dudes did their job, all right! And then something else happened, quite easily, even though these things will also happen under much harsher conditions: Stucky. Winter Soldier alone probably launched a hundred thousand ships for these two — gay, gay ships, so very gay, the glitteriest, gayest of cruise liners — from a hundred thousand ports around the globe. This ship has permeated pop culture even outside the fandom (some dumb gross man jokes from Screen Junkies within, but the Stucky shenanigans start at around 3:15).

And perhaps that’s when Markus and McFeely realized what a monster they created, one that would clash in ugly ways with their forthcoming (heterosexual) narrative, — their endgame for Steve. And so what did they do? Overcorrect. Wildly. Pull the plug. Bucky and Steve can’t fall out as friends completely, but what’s the next best thing? Give them almost zero screen time together, lest anyone be tempted to think they have a serious relationship — and again, I’m just talking friendship at this point, let alone anything else. Make their lines devoid of substance. Keep us wondering about the nature of their dynamic. Did the distance grow too great? Is Bucky not able to reconnect with anyone? Is Steve too busy? Too salty?? Who knows! These are possibilities, but none are explained. Then just poof Bucky off the face of the earth for 5 years to create existential distance. And in the meantime, ensure that Bucky is shown as not even a passing thought for Steve Rogers. Ensure that his name is never once uttered by Steve until he is about to leave him to go be with Peggy — oh except when, in a real dick move, when he emotionally whumps his past self with the news that Bucky is alive for the sole purpose of getting out of a stranglehold. At the same time, ensure that Steve is seen becoming single-mindedly fixated on Peggy Carter, and make sure the audience — including all those pesky Stucky shippers — knows that he considers her the “love of his life.” Ensure we see the compass with increasing frequency and with maximum longing. Insert Steve finding the absurd photograph of himself on the Director of SHIELD’s desk, facing the door for any junior colleague to see her pining over him like a schoolgirl long after he died, which is just about the least Peggy Carter thing I can ever imagine (and these people created and wrote for the Agent Carter TV series!!!).

Then give us our first openly gay person in the MCU. And drop him in the same scene that you confirm once and for all that Peggy Carter is the love of Steve Rogers’ life. Have Steve be so fucking cool with it that he makes us proud and relieved that he’s not a homophobe. Whew! Only… it makes us feel kind of gross, and maybe we can’t quite figure out why at first. But maybe it’s because it feels personal, like a concession, like the writers and director knew exactly what they were doing to a lot of people who feel a very specific way about Steve’s sexuality and about his relationship with Bucky Barnes. It feels like a tone deaf nod to the fandom. Sorry, guys. No homo. We really did try to warn you with the whole Sharon Carter thing. (Sharon Carter, in an act of gross and misogynistic misuse, remains one of the most criminally mistreated characters in the entire MCU, arguably serving almost entirely as a “no homo” device before being completely discarded, never to be heard from again.)

Which got me thinking — was this move to distance Steve and Bucky so abruptly a reactive move? The divide between Steve and Bucky that happens in IW and EG feels so cold and inorganic. It does not feel at all driven by the natural arc of the characters as established by the creators themselves. It feels rushed and confusing, like it just needed to happen for plot convenience (though not even clearly that), and once again, we are left trying to figure out what the fuck is actually going on.

Part of that is probably needing to lay the groundwork for Steve’s feelings of alienation, which lead him to his ultimate choice to go back in time. He can’t feel too connected to Bucky or he won’t want to go back to be with Peggy. But could part of this also possibly be a reaction to how strongly Stucky was adopted by the public? Did Markus and McFeely realize how much more strongly we love the idea of Steve and Bucky — as friends or lovers, who cares? — rather than Steve and Peggy, which was probably their ending for Steve all along? Did they realize their terrible mistake of bringing them so close, endearing them to us so much, and then realize “OH SHIT,” and then slam on the brakes? Is that why IW and EG felt like absolute shit for their relationship, even for those who are not total endgame Stucky people?

Okay, but what if their friendship just ran its course? Friendships do that, even really deep ones. These two have had a huge chronological and experiential rift that never was really healed (thanks to our dear writers). Steve saved Bucky’s life thrice but they never really reconnected. Presumably. As far as we know in the narrative we are given by the writers. Okay. Let’s say you need to get Steve back with Peggy and for Bucky to become pals with Sam instead because contracts and actors. Whatever. Fine. But if you are going to play the “our friendship has come and gone” card, you need to fully PLAY IT. You can’t make it some vague option that might be true because we can’t figure out what the hell is going on. They need to have an actual conversation. For fuck’s sake, if we have time to fuck around with Korg and Miek on the couch and time to have Banner take selfies with kids and do stupid time gags and a bunch of other little shit, there is enough time to have a brief conversation somewhere to imply that “things have changed” or “people change” or something to imply that the writers were even thinking about the course of Bucky and Steve’s relationship as more than just a platform to launch Steve back to Peggy and launch Bucky toward Sam for their spinoff series.

There was just no depth. How can they give us three movies composed almost entirely of Mariana Trench levels of depth between these two men and then give us virtually nothing in IW and then next to nothing in EG to “round out” their entire storyline? The shape of the emotional momentum in this relationship is so wonky and dissatisfying, and the lack of comment on the dissolution of their friendship in the narrative, the fact that it isn’t even being acknowledged, is one of the worst parts. This relationship died without being honored or even attended to at the most basic level, after being told that it is perhaps the most important relationship in Steve and Bucky’s lifetimes and being shown evidence of that fact.

Moreover, let’s get real — calling Peggy the love of Steve’s life should do nothing to diminish his friendship with Bucky Barnes. That’s not how love works. You don’t just get one person. You can have a best friend — hell, you can have two best friends — and a woman you love. (And even moreover, you don’t have to leap back through time to find closeness just because you can. But that’s another matter with Steve’s character that I will address in a future speculative character analysis on Steve in an effort to explain how he got to this point, because I have a super depressing head canon about it involving traumatic grief and loss.)

But just like comic book science, perhaps there are comic book rules about love and affinity. You only get one person, and Steve gets Peggy. And apparently Bucky gets Sam. Because contracts. But as I said before, I would have been okay if they had a dissolution of their friendship because that was the course of their friendship. Just tell us what is happening. Have the decency to respect your characters by giving their relationship a true arc, whatever it is. You can’t just recycle a TFA line and call it an arc. That is not an arc. Markus and McFeely goddamn know better and we know they know better, because we just saw a beautiful relationship arc closing with Tony and Pepper and, on a smaller scale, with Tony and Peter fucking Parker.

By the way, the small in-person and symbolic interactions between Tony and Peter in EG? Those are what high quality, emotionally salient, brief interactions between people who care about each other look like.

1. Tony’s picture of Peter in his kitchen: He can see from where he does his dishes. He looks at it meaningfully and thoughtfully before making a major plot-essential decision that risks his way of life.

2. Tony and Peter’s reunion hug: It starts off with some humor and classic Peter rambling. Becomes a full-ass, real hug. Nobody slaps the other’s back. Peter remarks, very sincerely, “oh, this is nice.” <3

3. Tony’s death scene: Peter is visibly and truly wrecked. Tony looks at him in a heartfelt way. Words are unnecessary. It is perfect.

Bonus IW moment, because it is one of the most moving images I have seen in the MCU: Tony has Peter’s ashes in his goddamn mouth, eyes closed. Defeated.

Jesus Christ. Don’t tell me Markus and McFeely don’t know how to write characters and brief, powerful interactions, even when the characters are not together. They most certainly are very, very capable of this.

So why did we get the lifeless, quippy drivel and lame physical contact they gave Bucky and Steve in IW and EG? Which, regarding their last convo, was Bucky spilling his guts and Steve being like “Yeah brah, you’ll be fine, don’t be a fucking idiot while I’m off being happy with the only person in the universe who can make me complete #surprisesoulmates.” Bucky offers his quippy mandatory TFA callback retort so that the audience remembers that these two once gave an actual fuck about each other at one point in the narrative. Cue slappy-back-no-dick-touch hug. And please don’t tell me that this is just how men from the ‘40s hug. I would buy that for TFA, but after everything they’ve been through in Winter Soldier and Civil War? I am not buying it.

**Slap-slap**

So we get a Steve Rogers who exits the MCU permanently by making a contentious, questionable final choice with questionable implications that take a graduate degree and/or a hive mind to questionably figure out (or else I’m just a fucking idiot and I’m the only one who needed those things). And we also get the profoundly dissatisfying demise of a relationship that we invested a tremendous amount of emotional energy in because that is what the screenwriters and directors asked us to do.

I am not writing this as a diehard Stucky shipper. I love Stucky, don’t get me wrong. It’s all I read and write in fandom. And I can certainly buy a world (at least, in Caps 1-3) where canon Steve’s love for Bucky is the gay kind and vice versa. Sure. But I am writing this as a person who loves good characters and good story, and this is such a hard fail that even if I had no emotional investment in these two characters, I would wonder what Markus and McFeely had against Steve and Bucky that they let their garden succumb to drought while they tended so considerately to Tony and Peter and Tony and Pepper and Steve and Natasha and Steve and a dead woman and Thor and Bruce and Thor and fucking Rocket, pretty much all of whom (with the exception of Tony and Pepper) have had so much less at stake, so much less time invested, and so much less of a reason for the audience to give a fuck.

But more importantly, I am writing this as a lover of Steve and Bucky, two people who have a well-established, rock-solid, indisputable human relationship that deserves so much more than what it got, especially given all of the unspeakable suffering these men have experienced separately and as a byproduct of their separation. Canonically. This is not made up fandom shippery superimposed upon Markus and McFeely’s precious creation. This is the truth of these two men as determined by the hands of the creators who also neglected them into nothingness, which is arguably a fate far worse than one or both of them dying an actual, final death.

I am left feeling disappointed and betrayed as a fan, wishing, as others have confided in me, that I was more of a Tony person and had been all along. Because then I would be walking away from this still grief-stricken, but at least it would be for the right reasons.

I will leave you with this, arguably one of the last in-character moments for Bucky and Steve in the MCU.

#avengers endgame #salt #endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #meta

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itsjesperfahey · 6 years ago

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okay so now that i’ve wrapped my head around there being a six of crows/shadow and bone trilogy netflix tv show, i wanted to share some of my thoughts on it:

as y’all can see from my two previous posts on the subject im HELLA excited. bottom line, i cannot WAIT for this. i trust Leigh will force netflix to give this adaptation at least some of the quality it deserves. but imma just say a few things rn:

- my main issue is how theyre gonna handle the plot of the show. in terms of like, timeline, what story they’ll follow, how things will pan out. like is this an ENTIRELY NEW STORY that takes place after crooked kingdom that’ll allow all characters from the grishaverse to co-exist? will it be the books in chronological order, switching povs of characters from both stories? thats a bit much no? or following tgt, and then switch to soc in season 4? im assuning the first season (8 episodes) is purely for shadow and bone, as thats what its been titled so far (according to the article leigh tweeted), but i could be wrong

- what i DONT think is that theyre trying to cram tgt + soc duology into the 8 episodes, which is what i see people saying on here constantly. THEY ARENT TRYING TO CRAM ALL 5 BOOOKS IN 8 EPISODES. netflix series often have multiple seasons. im sure this wont be different. they would be insane to even attempt that.

- pls cast people accordingly (though im not super worried about this, knowing how much leigh is on our side with this matter)

- a lot of you say you didnt like tgt and that since the show is (presumably) starting off with following this series, its going to be a bad show, and get cancelled. but like. lol. first off. just cause you didnt like it doesnt mean other people wont. just cause you didnt like it doesnt necessarily mean its an objectively bad thing. and second. you vastly underestimate how the general public often LOVES any type of magical story with love triangle and pasty white boys. its MUCH easier to get someone into a tv show than a book. its a lot less commitment. you can leave a tv show on while youre chatting or cooking or something. you can’t do that with a book. it would have to be a really REALLY awful show to not pull a good enough portion of the unassuning general public (and again, i trust leigh won’t let it be that bad or at least i hope lol)

- im scared about kaz and how they’ll properly portray his trauma and personality and views on inej WITHOUT some sort of internal monolgue system (i.e his inner voice). its such a big part of kaz to be abe to hear his thoughts, i hope they find a way to do it

- i hope they don’t change kaz and inej’s relationship (i.e make them kiss or something lol)

- wylan and kuwei in ck??? will kuwei’s actor just play both roles the entire time wylan looks like kuwei? will it be cgi? idk

- i dont want to see live action matthias *** uGH

- i hope the magic doesnt look too too crummy

- @lips-and-literature brought up a good point on how SO much happens in crooked kingdom as opposed to soc, to s&b. the inej rescue, the grisha hunters, dunyasha, nina relearning her powers, the arc with colm fahey, the gangs, wylans mom, and so much more. whereas in soc it was just “we need to break into the ice court” and then they do it, and the book ends with “we broke into the ice court”. hopefully by the time soc’s season comes around, the episode count will be the usual 12-22 instead of 8. but that also depends on the episode length

- please let this be good i love my murder babies and alina starkov and i dont want them ruined. im hoping for the best dont let me down leigh

thats kinda it for now but i’ll maybe add more later. sorry for any !typos, my computer lags a lot on tumblr and the text shows up a minute after im done typing it. send me any asks if u want me to elaborate/say some more

#soc #six of crows #tgt #the grisha trilogy #grishaverse #grishaverse tv #ck #crooked kingdom #s&b #leigh Bardugo #the dregs #mine #mine.txt #long post

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years ago

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i seen a few times ppl like implying that the positive char development that the donuts are getting via their experiences has anything to do with them having Needed A Break from each other.......i’m truly bemused like. are you talking about this in terms specifically of their Relationship to each other? b/c frankly the way i was seeing it is that their relationship prior to these arcs was actually in a fairly chill place, and that they had figured out a lot of things abt their own / each others needs in terms of it that had been causing them problems and all. obviously i wasnt thinking like “guess everythings perfect for them now” since i mean it wasnt even clear they were like for sure officially ~together~ but also b/c why would it be when they’d just started to be able to have a more solid handle on their own mutual deal

but also like. the only thing we can really say is that sadie quit the big donut and got “yolo” knuck tats because there was nothing at all adequate abt the job w/o having a coworker to hang out w and the fact that lars just went off and died is like, well then live for the fuckin moment i guess huh. like that situation isnt even caused just by the fact that lars is absent, like maybe he’s on vacation or something. its that he, again, died and is still in danger and nobody knows for sure if/when he’ll get back. maybe she wouldn’t’ve started a garage band if that hadn’t happened, but its not like if she had done that and lars was still there, she would definitely be prevented from doing anything involving pursuing her interests, like. idk hopefully nobody thinks that ppl in relationships can’t have independent pursuits or focus on their personal interests

meanwhile there’s no point in saying that anything lars is doing requires sadie’s absence either. its more sort of say the absence of absolutely everyone on earth save steven for a bit there. like sure it was a factor that they got separated the way they did and he felt bad for being too panicky to help her but, same as with sadie, that has nothing to do with benefitting directly from her not being there. and its not like being separated from sadie was the One Reason he was able save everybody and get them all on a spaceship. there was like half a dozen factors there; to suggest if sadie had been there he wouldn’t be able to do this is.....i dont even know...

like fr this whole time for the both of them, the other has been probably the person they’ve been most comfortable being most like themselves around, and not feeling the kind of pressure from each other that generally stifles them in most other situations (like how lars is afraid of how ppl (he presumes negatively) judge him, how sadie feels bound by various expectations for what ppl think she’s really like (but isn’t really like))...the fact that they’re both getting to explore these different sides of themselves isnt really anything they couldnt do back on earth together. the events that happened to separate them (and separate lars from like all of earth...just to reiterate..) just happened to give them a real boost along the lines of making these decisions that impacted their development and gave them these totally new roles within totally new experiences

this is like ppl who have some idea that lars “needed” to die. like, even when its not just ppl who think so badly of lars’s char that they Wanted him to die, but rather looking back on the fact that that happened and he was killed/revived real quick lol—lars didnt Have to do that to have the development of getting to actually fight to protect others and himself and gain some confidence. he wouldve done that whether or not it had actually killed him—when he let the guys scan him without knowing it WOULDNT kill him was arguably enough to give him the same development as if the one hadnt blown up at him suddenly. and i mean, the space piracy is given a fun angle because its cool and genre, but none of them are doing it for fun. they’re trying to get to earth and not fuckin die along the way. lars is getting to continue Experiencing Some Confidence for the first time in probably ever but to present the situation he’s in and how he’s gotten there as something he “needed” is a bit cruel lol...he coulda done that on earth

like yeah if they were both living their normal lives you dont Know that some normal earth event would make them quit and sadie pursue her interests and independence while lars is put in a situation where he feels like he Belongs in a group and has confidence in himself and his ability to do like, anything. but thats coz events sort of just happen at you randomly. like how the event of being attacked by aliens basically led to this for them...it wasnt the Only Way these things could happen, its just The One Way That They Did

and like i also dont quite see that these changes theyve gotten to go through are going to put them in a perfect version of a relationship when lars gets back to earth...they still dont have the longest history of feeling kinda secure in the fact that the other really does actually like them ok, and this whole time theyve been teenz so what do you expect them having a smooth tumult-free development for, and having positive (and negative) experiences separately doesnt just automatically translate into an instantly leveled up relationship the moment they stand within 10 ft of each other again. they gotta catch up and relearn where each other is at and what their new lives and wants and needs are...and just coz their positive development might make it a bit Easier for them if some of their strongest insecurities are a lil blunted now & plus just that being happier tends to make everything easier, doesnt mean that everything is simply effortless. tbh if a relationship is effortless and stays together forever thats less Romantic And Ideal than like, sheer luck.

and it’s unrealistic (in life and in how the show doesnt make a character complete an emotional arc in a single episode or suddenly shed a defining trait just because they realize they ought to change their approach re: something or other) to think that either lars or sadie have like, completely shed all their issues as individuals anyways. and i mean, its their issues that drove them to make these changes theyre currently on. sadie being frustrated with her job, feeling unable to be herself = the motivations that means she’s now really actively pursuing what tf she feels like doing and pushing for it to continue and for it to be in line w what she wants it to be. but she’s not suddenly freed from all insecurities or feeling like everything’s perfect forever and she can never feel stifled again. plus yanno this whole time she freakin misses lars coz they’re friends and that’s not like...something she’s needed to do. absence makes the heart grow fonder but “be apart from each other indefinitely” isnt any kind of a relationship requirement. its just painful and all.

and lars knowing what its like to be afraid all the time and being frustrated abt it means he was so pushed to all at once finally stand up against what he’s scared of that he went and got himself killed, and also that he doesn’t feel the same social pressure he did on earth amongst the off colors, because he knows they know what its like to be scared all the time too—which ppl back on earth didnt understand about him. and so its the fact he’s so familiar with fear and stress that he’s able to fight for them and himself so hard now. but it’s not like you can just Decide your lifelong anxieties out of existence. after a dramatically changing experience, you’re not gonna be the same person you were before, and you’re not gonna be a totally different person. lars isnt some different person unaffected by fears or insecurities anymore. like heck he was still afraid that sadie actually didn’t miss him at all and was maybe even glad that he was gone, something that was completely in line with who he’s been and how he’s felt this whole series. and people go and be annoyed b/c i guess they expect him to just be a character Completely Changed by one dramatic yet brief part of his life rather than a character who’s still just developing and shaped by all his past experiences actually. and who, no, didnt get to choose to shed all fear b/c thats not how it works. he still feels it, he just finally got the taste of taking action anyways. plus even now that he’s not stuck in a crisis over thinking sadie might just hate him now, tbh he does still need to hear it from her that she doesnt lol)

also? tbh? lars’s Whole New Thing has been happening while he’s (mostly) isolated on a spaceship, w just the offcolors and maybe occasional interactions w hostile aliens, which hardly counts as socializing. and sadie’s whole thing of being herself and pursuing her own desires is still happening just around the cool kids really—not to mention all behind a persona. it’s actually not even that like, a lack of confidence = lack of stage fright or vice versa. its a whole other thing for her to stand up for herself and make her own choices in areas that have nothing to do with her band, even though the experiences within the band will help and give her a starting point and something to feel secure in. just like when lars is back on earth and off the ship, he won’t have the same role he has just around the off colors, just being the front of that band in his own, more imperiled, less musical way. and just coz he knows he can hold his own against destructive imperialistic colonizing aliens, doesnt mean he’s gonna be fearless in the face of the cool kids now, or think he can do anything. he’s still faced with the expectations and perceptions from ppl that he did before he left, even if the way ppl act with lars can easily change now. again, just coz things might be easier for the dnuts now doesnt mean they’ve just shrugged off their problems or are now faced with effortless paths in all aspects of their lives

theyve needed a break from the norm they used to have, but Each Other was the least of what was holding them back from changing things up for themselves. it was completely external events as much as anything else that changed things up for them, coz thats how it works sometimes—and within their new circumstances theyve gotten to experience a new situation that lets them be a bit different than they’ve gotten to be back on earth. i mean, they were really restricted. they had the terrible job, both have somewhat strained relationships w parents who dont seem to really understand who their child is, both of them feel pressured by people in general, both have insecurities, both were kind of just faced with a future that didnt involve them being able to just see happiness coming down the line. and it was a big problem for both of them tbh that neither of them really had any friends. sadie was finding it difficult to express herself or be herself, she was always in a scenario where someone (her mom, corporate policy, customers,) expected her to be a certain way that wasnt the real her, she had a crap job, nobody really seemed to know her, her tendency to Hold Back Until You Blow Up could be counterproductive to say the least. lars is stuck in the same job, with nobody thinking he’s particularly good for anything, even his parents not really expecting him to succeed in any way, desperately wanting friends but being too afraid of people to make any, being defensively irritable and pushing people away but unable to be angry on his own behalf. they’re both getting their first chance to be themselves, they’ve both stumbled into Friend Groups where they’re not only respected but supported and even esteemed, they’re both making and acting on choices completely on their own and not being as held back by their fears. but they’re the same people and none of this means the problems they’ve been dealing with are over because of it. they’ve just been forced to adapt to this change that’s come upon them, and they’ve both happened to make the most of it and be getting something positive out of a really crap situation. they could be having these arcs via a different scenario, but it would probably have to be more drawn out if nobody was in fuckin space

getting away from me slightly but its weird to say that lars and sadie Needed to be separated by lightyears thru a horrible experience and one of them is killed and still in space indefinitely. and i dont know how you’d describe what’s happening there as “a break.” that not only implies that they chose to be separated but that they have had the option to be together this whole time and continuously chosen not to, and have considered this whole experience to be a positive thing. an involuntary separation where both really wish they weren’t separated isnt a break. and to say that either of them Need to be separated in this particular way, like, man you know what their relationship needs? someone to be sent an impossible distance away & he died and might die again and might be unable to return. like, no relationship needs that or anything like that. it’d be affected by it sure, and they might be able to find silver linings in it as they have, but its never going to be necessary.....like, fucks sake if it was, how fucked up would that be

again a break would have to be something voluntarily chosen that they believed would be positive for them both, not that they believed would involve mortal peril. and they like, arent enjoying the fact theyre separated. and what the characters are going through is more about their individual developments than how it necessarily applies to their relationship—again i’d argue their relationship was in a decent place actually. not perfect obv, but good...i mean look at how good they both were at recognizing what they were both struggling with re each other. lars didnt Almost Die or anything, until later. and i imagine this stuff is going to help, but not in a “if this hadnt happened their relationship would be doomed” way. and again it is kinda wild to say that any of this might be required of them for any reason, they’re really going thru some shit w all this

anyways 🍩

#what a surprise....thought this was gonna be a short n snappy post #long post ///#donuts #my phone has hated me the whole time b/c again i didnt expect it to be so long and got stuck typing this in the mobile app #(if the app would actually let you Select All on text posts i couldve moved it to the notes app. but for whatever reason i cant and dont #want to imagine; the ‘’only letting u select one paragraph at a time’’ kind of forces you to just forge ahead after a certain point of no #return)#if this is all ‘’oops couldnt post!! so it has to be deleted’’ abt this i’m going to kill it 🔪

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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language goals are mostly on hold right now. as usual for me, my month didn’t actually go as expected.

i did realize what I’ll likely be doing for the next few months though:

listening to japanese quicksleur will likely continue, as it’s super easy to just do during ‘level grind’ time when playing a video game. likewise, if i replay 2 particular games, i’ll turn the japanese voices on and just get used to hearing them again. this particular part of ‘remembering what i used to know’ has been easy to do again. i made some progress this past month. I imagine I’m only doing this as desired, because I still want chinese to take priority.

reading chinese novels will likely continue. i didn’t do it as much as I liked - usually one chapter every 3-5 days, except on days I got into a groove. I still want to finish Tian Ya Ke within a few months. I am not reading as fast as desired, but this is a very doable task for me currently so I’m going to continue.

Starting to Listen-Read Guardian may start in February, regardless of if I finish Tian Ya Ke. I’m still not sure yet if I want to wait to get farther into Tian Ya Ke/finish that novel first. I do think the time drain listening-reading takes is the biggest factor. I’m very busy lately, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I can’t start this until March.

So... not actually much change in the plan. Just that I’m doing it slower than I expected, so listening-reading might have to be pushed back. I’m 27/80 chapters through Tian Ya Ke, so about 1/3 through. If I keep at this pace it’ll be 4 more months to finish ono I am hoping to get some long reading sessions in though, so that I’m looking at more like 2 more months. I would LOVE to know when I’ll hit that sweet spot of ‘chapters become faster to read’ lol. On language forums I see people talk about reading harry potter in their target language, and at first one page takes them a half hour a piece. Then later, they get through full chapters much faster. When is my reading speed gonna leap like that? Or is priest difficult enough that my reading speed of 30-40 minutes a chapter... not going to improve much?

what happened this month:

first, i was able to focus on video games - which is where a lot of this urge to re-learn what japanese i knew came from, and when i carved out the time to do some japanese study. I did not manage to read much of the textbook i planned to. I just wasn’t feeling like it. if i go back to video games relatively soon (we’ll see), then i’ll keep doing it. otherwise not sure where this is gonna fall.

second, i shifted into a reading mood afterward. a very strong reading mood. I’ve finished 5 books since 2021 started. Which is an accomplishment for me ToT. A lot of these books are mental health ones I’ve been meaning to read eventually, so I do consider them well worth the time spent. Some others are fiction books I’ve had and never made the time to actually read - so I’m enjoying going through them. Reading is, realistically, cutting into a huge chunk of my time. I’m not even watching tv anymore, or playing video games. At the most - I have time for an episode or two some days. So a lot of this month has been spent catching up on a lot of things in english I haven’t been finishing. As long as this reading mood continues, I plan to just keep going with it. So I imagine reading chinese novels is likely the ‘main’ productive study I’ll get done in the next few months. I’m not reading the novels very fast, but I am managing to read them every few days at least, so I’m maintaining some regular exposure to the language. I realize it might mean I just stall progress for a while. But I’m hoping I just don’t backslide in what I can comprehend. I really do have... a huge trove of books I’ve been meaning to read eventually. So i’m not going to be surprised if this continues distracting me from study for a while.

Also, while i do not plan to study this way, i won’t be too surprised if i dive into extensive reading some chinese novels even though that’s not a primary study plan of mine for a while. I just got Love and Redemption’s novel in the mail, I’ve got some priest books on the bookshelf, and while its a bit draining to follow without a dictionary ;-; its been really enjoyable lately to just pick up novels and go through them without a dictionary. I don’t plan to do this, because I think my popup dictionary intensive reading of Tian Ya Ke is what I want to FINISH and it’ll distract me to start something HARDER from scratch at the same time. But I also know I’m prone to doing whatever the fuck I feel like. Also I’ve been feeling an itch to find out just how much I can follow and figure out without a popup dictionary to rely on - both because I think it’ll go much better than 8 months in when I tried to read Mo Du, and because I’ve been reading chinese only every few days now so I get a bit overly worried I’ll start forgetting things.

Around the beginning of this month, upon starting to revisit japanese, I got as similar overly worried feeling about my French. So I picked up one of my french novels and attempted to read it. I wanted proof I’d either somehow retained my french level of comprehension, or else that I’d forgotten some. The first couple minutes I had forgotten a little, and context helped me quickly recognize those words again. And a few words the entire time I knew looked familiar and were problem words I’ve looked up often before but still wasn’t sure on. But overall? Within 2 pages, I was reading easily again and even potentially having an easier time than the last time I read longer chunks of french text maybe a year ago. So my french comprehension - still there, still solid, still as easy as it was and potentially getting easier. I don’t need to worry about it. Although to be fair, my google/linkedin/coursera/google-affiliated sites are all automatically in french so I do see some french daily... its just I rarely read long chunks of French unless I’m seeking it out on purpose. So I imagine if you totally avoid french, you might not recall quite as much back so easily. Or if your french wasn’t as solid when you stopped seeing it often - my japanese is coming back quick grammar wise, now that I’m hearing the grammar points again, but a lot of words I’ve totally lost and need to relearn mostly just because I haven’t heard them in so long or barely remembered them when I stopped studying japanese a couple years ago.

#January progress #January Goals #update #rant

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atomicsurvivor-isleofskye · 7 years ago

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Ep. 1 - “Karma is a Nasty Old Woman” - JG

This season began the night of December 8th with a cast reveal, but the game was already afoot before that. Players had the opportunity to earn an extra trip to hunt for the idol by reading the rules. Heather, August, Aundra, JG, Rebecka, Tara, and Vi all took advantage of this opportunity!

The pre-merge buffs were also revealed, with the tribes called Iolaire and Saorsa.

And then the game began.

The first immunity challenge was posted, which you can check out here:

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/168340626526/tribal-immunity-1-isle-relay

Introductions have been made, and everyone seems nice so far!

Consider me the f*%# overwhelmed. I’m trying to make personal connections but clearly that isn’t going too well. The challenge seems scary. I’m dying. Someone help!

I am SCARED. I have to establish all new relationships and I’m pretty shook about it.

Everyone seems so nice. I can deal with the challenges but I'm a bit scared. I don't want to mess up so early in the game.

Man, I forgot how the start of orgs are so busy. Everyone seems pretty nice so far but I swear I won't learn their names until at least merge. If we have merge that is. After that I'll have to relearn. Hopefully we all make it to merge so I don't have to relearn anything. This challenge is pretty bad though. Slow internet will make this a pain

Ok so I love my Tribe so far! The first immunity challenge came so fast but I'm glad that our team came together to figure out who's doing what. Also JG is coming in clutch with that advantage.

So I’m not sure how to feel about being on a tribe with Rebecka, she might be bitter, or she might be happy to have someone she knows. As for me if I can’t find anyone else ill try that connection, for now I just need to keep communicating.

This game is so different from azores (shout to everyone from that game) the vibes are completely different. probably because im completely different but yah im really enjoying this tribe rn we have team work down and dont seem like a bad group of people. only thing is i signed up to do the logic puzzle thing and im not that smart

omg this seems like a nice little tribe, its interesting be surrounded by new players to this like myself :') im not outta place, also it seems like being the oldest i hope everyone will be able to rely on me and my knowledge :D on the flip side with everyone being new it's sure to lead to some confusion in challenges hopefully i'll be able to give them some guidance and lead us to some wins :) also i fully expect to have bad luck doing the moors crap but yolo and may as well try right?

So the LoIaire tribe decided to do a call but it turned into me, Stephen and JD talking about videogames fjksskskd. I hope people don't think we're an alliance already! Fingers crossed.

my tribe is full of nerds

but i'm a fan of it

So the em peeps - me, Tara and august - made an alliance right off the back. I'm already lying to them like I did my previous org. Who said I was gonna do random voting this time again? O well, time to play a wolf in sheep's clothing and hope not to get picked to shear. That would be terrible. It's really cold and this wool is really warm. We're basically ignoring the other chat since they're in a group call and geeking out about stuff. I don't know. I zoned out bc I didn't understand what they were saying. Hopefully I'll be able to start my plan of seducing them with pictures of my pets soon.

I'm not sure if it will be an advantage or disadvantage but while searching the Moors, I found a twist that will be revealed at merge! Now I just have to do is survive until then... tune in nextime kids

Cool tribe. Trying to prove my crappy helpfulness in this collecting challenge since i'm godawful at puzzles. Also, tara went ahead an made a stupid fast f3 with me and infinity, and i told them my searches which sealed the deal. Also like JG and Ain, seem like pretty cool dudes, hoping to work with em'. This moor twist is really neat, but i also feel like everything already found already, but whatever.

Tara is pretty cool. She's nice and I think we can work together

An alliance of Heather, Lukas, Madison, and Olivia called “Future Final 4″ was created on Saorsa.

We love early alliances YES WE DO.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cch6Q-ItmQE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8Vto9iHwVY&t=2s hope this works haha

kay so the tea is that I’m aligning with Madison and Olivia. Olivia is super sweet and super trustworthy, so I am aiming to keep her close for awhile. Madison vibes with me but she seems very intelligent and very much so willing to stab me in the back. I’ll keep an eye on her. I am hoping these two allies will be able to at least get me through the first few votes. Who knows? {note: I’ll be submitting video confessionals soon after more happens}

haven't talked to rebecka at all yet but love her video calling me late at night to show n complain about her broken tooth! an icon! can't wait to see more of her this season. hope her medical bills aren't too expensive

So Luke and I have been skyping for 3 1/2 hours and I am so glad we have chosen each other! We have plans of who we each are going to talk to and who we want in our alliance. He is going to try and get close to Madison and AnnMarie and I am going to try and get close to Skip, and Dr. Mike Jake. Sarah at this point is a big question mark and Heather is in between and we'll keep her close enough but we both think that she will either be a good meat shield or a threat that we should take out pre merge. The other Jake we are both going to try to get close to as well. Hopefully we can have the majority no matter how it goes. Maddy told us that she is close with Rebecca on the other tribe which was probably a big mistake so we have to keep an eye out for that. She also told Luke about a secret map that she found at the moors! She lied when I asked if she found anything about it. Luke said there was a phrase that you could send to the hosts about this secret map so we both sent it in. Sarah, Heather, Luke, and I formed an alliance that they think will go all the way but I think Luke and I may have other plans. I trust Luke implicitly and I know he trusts me! Hopefully our plan works out.

3 and a half hours later, Olivia and I are going strong on Skype planning and scheming for the whole game. I exposed Madison after learning she is also close with Jake (* ^w^*). We are definitely targeting Heather at some point, for she is the least trustworthy of them all. I’m planning on trying to win over AnnaMarie and Madison’s votes and Olivia is going to win over Jake (* ^w^*) and Trip. Hopefully by controlling two people each, we will have the majority in any potential vote. Needless to say- I will trust and advocate for Olivia until the end. I believe in our ability to take out the rest of our tribe and come merge time lay low. She’s writing a confessional right now as well, I hope it’s not about how she’s going to eliminate me lmao.

Also- Heather said in her intro video that she isn't afraid to backstab people and she kept going on about how much she loves acting! She also wouldn't really say anything when we talking about future plans so HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TRUST HER! I know I've already made two so this is the last one lol.

Things seem to be going well, I have talked to everyone, excluding Rebecka, and get along well, so far there are few people talking strategy, but that suits me fine for now.

I am so happy that the game finally started. The Saorsa tribe gives off really great vibes to me and I hope that is a good thing. I feel like I've made connections with almost everyone, but it is really nerve wracking because you never know who felt a connection with you. I feel I got pretty close to Madison, Lukas, Olivia and a few others. I just hope we can win Immunity so I dont have to send anybody home

I am very nervous for the competition. None of us really know Sarah and if she doesn't show up, it's going to suck for the tribe. I don't want to be known as the weakest link for the tribe because my partner for the challenge didn't work.

So I reveled I have a 10% advantage, hopefully that doesn't kill me off but oh well. So far so good. Tara and I have been bonding over BTS and I think I'm gonna try getting us to f2 since I like her the best out of everyone so far. Maybe she'll back stab me but that's okay too as long as she gets into f3 ^-^. I hope not though, that would be completely and utterly sad. (I do think she knows what I'm playing at since she watched my first org and I'm basically redoing that. She's trying to help me right now at least)

So I went to the moors for the first time and I’m really excited to be playing. This game going to be good and I know it going to have plenty of twist in it. Also I’m really liking Tara form like day one we vibes and we started talking and she’s pretty cool. Another also I feel like one of those older wise people because a lot of the peopel on my tribe are newbies and that makes me feel somewhat more safe in this game.

So I misread my hidden advantage/disadvantage. What it actually says is that it will be revealed at a tribe swap and not merge. Also, Ive been mapping out all the locations and places explored in The Moors and concluded that Ain has the idol that was in the pit she fell in. For now I'm going to try and befriend her more so that we can be allies or have her reveal and flush an idol. My crossword chellenge is upcoming and I've been studying Survivor terminology so I don't flop!

I really like Jake and Maddie. I really want to start having a good strong alliance with them later on in the game. I love everyone's dogs as well.

Trip is sure he blew the logic puzzle. I feel bad for the kid and I definitely don't want to target him or anything over it and I want to make sure other people don't do that as well. I've been reading up battleship strategies online and about how to read people and poker tells and whatnot and that either makes me the biggest dumbass in the world to think that any of the advice might help or it makes me more prepared than my opponent. Can't tell at this point. He says he can't do the challenge today so we have to wait all the way until tomorrow. That'll either give me more time to be prepared or it'll give me just enough time to overthink and freak myself out. Either is likely at this point. I tried talking to AnnMarie some like Luke and I planned and she seemed pretty receptive until I suggested videochatting and she didn't respond but I'm not sure if she is doing her puzzle right now or if I just scared her off.

oh also Trip and I talked this morning which was great. Hopefully people don't talk to one another and say "oh hey has Olivia been talking to you" because if they do then they may think I'm playing too hard which at this point I'm probably over-doing it but I am just so excited

So Tim has told me that he has an advantage from the moors that will be reveal at the tribe swap. I believe him because even if hes lying it means he wants me to trust him so we work together. Looking ahead I think Tim, Tara, and I would make a good team, of course we’d need more numbers but it all depends on the connections we make, people’s performance in the challenge, and how people act if we go to tribal.

Found a special path in the moors, but even though I’m not getting anything from it, I’m getting a bunch of friends by telling other people. I told the alliance of me/infinity/ and Tara about it and I’m pretty sure that was the mortar that’s holding the house together. Also gave the info to Tim, hoping to work close with him, seems to be a pretty straightforward guy. He asked who else I gave the info to which I replied a solid “sorry can’t say” but I think it’ll go fine as long as that stuff doesn’t come up any longer.

Madison found a special path in the Moors, where she could receive a vote revealing advantage if she created an alliance with the two players she trusted the least, who she ranked as Jake S. and Sarah.

To do this, she opted to tell the tribe that she had to make an alliance with “random” players for a potential trial advantage. She succeeded, and was given a necklace which would reveal all votes cast at a tribal council, to be played until the final 7.

Hopefully honesty is the best policy.

Ok so its Day 2 and i completed my immunity challenge pretty fast in my opinion... but this is whats happening... August told me about the third path in Moors but he said that i wasn't the only one that knew about it. Later Tara got caught searching in The Neist and August said that he told Tara about it but Tara said that's not true... Im on to you August.. lets just wait for the immunity results...👀

So Tim has told me even more information about the Moors, and a secret location called the Neist that August found. This makes me trust him more and feel more comfortable working with him, but it also means I have to work on my connection with August if the three of us are going to work together TimHoly shit things are going downnn. So August and Tara are actually allies and Im the third. And originally, we were the only 3 that knew about the Neist. But I rushed and thought I was getting played so I told Stephen... EVERYTHING about the Neist including the locations already searched... I messed up big time! ( Or maybe not? 👀)

omg so i hate august!!! first thing he messages me in the game is that we shouldn't tell ppl that we know eachother and we should try to seem distant because we know eachother from epicmafia n then he goes blabbing his mouth n telling ppl that he told me all this info! like where and when is that a smart thing to do august?? before i even knew he did that tim confronts me n is like hey do u know august, did august tell u this, and me trying to b a good friend to august is like yaa no sorry! but like ugh! august needs better communication bcos if the first thing he messages me is "HAHAHA SHHH SHHH WE DON'T KNOW EACHOTHER" i'm gonna expect that hes gonna try keep distant! then he goes blabbing some more n tells tim about drama that happened in our last org like hmm interesting... um but ya august is gonna b first boot! bye girl!

So today in the Moor I came across a skeleton that “had a ring of bones unmarked from where a necklace once was”. This to me is a mess. Who on earth has already gone down this exact path and #snatched the necklace from me? Anyway, I messaged my main sis Olivia and devised a plan, then ran it by Madison as well. In the tribe chat, I openly said I have a “gem that could boost the power of a necklace that once rested there” which is complete BS. I am hoping someone takes the bait and messages me about having a necklace of such, and then I can expose them.

Also- Madison entrusted me with the knowledge that she has a power that can reveal everyone’s votes at a certain tribal. I may just keep this to myself, because up until now all info I’ve received in the game I’ve shared.

THE MOORS ARE CRAZY AND I KIKE THE RIDDLES AND THE HINTS AND IVE ONLY BEEN ONCE BUT I CANT WAIT TO GO TOMORROW. THE PUZZLE IS VERY HARD AND I STRUGGOED AT FIRST AND I HOPE the tribe isn't going to tribal council.

Tara came to me freaking out. I had told both her and Tim about the special path and Tim was like “ I bet they’re aligned” so Tara made up a lie saying I didn’t tell her. I tried to solve the problem by just being outright honest, but I’m still annoyed. Tim is far too paranoid to work with.

ok so it seems as though as suspected some areas of our challenges were a bit rushed in decision and now i think it could be a big fat L but sometimes you win sometimes u lose, that said i hope the effort i put into my part shows im here to win, outside of that i've made more social connections with olivia and some others :) that open alliance announcement was a shock to me kinda made me laugh, looks like the 3 may be working together to get the moors solved so i'll have to keep on it

I'm a comp flop and i hope that doesnt make me a target. I havent talked to a few people and I'm going to get on that.

Ok so everyone sucked today at the challenges (I still love them) and it is kinda looking like I am our last hope. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Also it turns out the whole tribe is gonna watch?! what???!!! Feeling better every second out the firm alliance between Luke and I though. At the Moors I took a harness and hid it in a place where another harness already was so I am gonna try and be first when it comes to going to the Moors tomorrow. Luke found a skeleton without a necklace there meaning someone has the necklace. He told the tribe and AnnMarie just told him privately she had to tell him something about the moors AND NEVER RESPONDED. The second (not Canadian) Jake seemed like he might pull through and be an active participant but its not looking too likely. Sarah is still inactive so unless the other tribe sucked more than us she will probably go home Monday. Also I am supposed to talk to the Canadian Jake but idk how to talk to that guy! and trip too! Like I never know what to say but I am going to keep trying because Luke is making good progress with Maddi and with AnnMarie. We both gotta be careful and include Heather because if not that could be dangerous.

JUST GOT SOME MAJOR TEA FROM CANADIAN JAKE WOOOHOOO!!! I was asking him about Canada and he told me that if I take the harness back to camp it leads to more paths. I told him this made me trust him a lot. Not exactly true but not false either. He could be playing me but hopefully this is securing a bond.

Hi I’m Aundra and I’m stupid af. I picked to do the logic challenge knowing I’m stupid af. then announced to the tribe that I’m thinking about quiting being stipid af. now I’m stuck looking stupid af

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KvsH2lWN3Y

4 hours and 20 min later I finally finish my part of the challenge I’d like to thank Ali for helping me through when I was about to quit and Kermit I’d also like to say if we lose it won’t be my fault fully because people have gotten 10% disadvantages on the team so our odds are low but the grave I’ve dug for my self is bigger than the possible 20% I think we have agonist us

LukasJust a lil update for the girls. Madison told me about her magnifying glass, but apparently she hasn’t told anyone else. I’m going to keep this to myself from Olivia otherwise I will have nothing to keep secret for myself, and that just seems wrong. I staged a text conversation with my boyfriend and sent it to Heather about her dog and how it’s totally the next big meme. Heather ate it up as expected, and now I feel like I have an in with her. Aside from my core 4 alliance, I really don’t know where anyone else’s head is at and they all are lackluster communicators.

Ok so Maddi, Heather, and myself had about an hour long chat (mostly) about the game tonight. We agreed that the four of us (us 3 + Luke) should definitely stick together and although it’s definitely possible, it’s probably unlikely that the other four players have their own alliance. My fears about heather were mostly assuaged because when Maddi left she voiced her concerns about Maddi and her connections to the other side and she revealed to me that she trusts me the most (which is obviously great). Now I have two people that trust me the most out of anyone. (Only one I feel the same about) As long as I’m in this game I won’t forget heather’s intro video and her statement about how she is more than willing to backstab. The relationship between trip and I seems to be going well (albeit a little slow) while my relationship with AnnMarie is kind of nonexistent but it’s only been two days. I don’t trust Jake S. At all. He said he hadn’t been to the moors yet?? Fishy to me. The battleship showdown is tomorrow. Survivor gods be kind, let it go well.

The idol is already out there on day THREE. Im assuming either Vi or August has it but I'm leaning towards August.. If we lose immunity then I may have to spark up the game and vote out the idol holder either that or have thr idol work in my favor. I'm on to you August and Vi and your friend Ain too! You may have had us do your dirty work of finding the idol but I'll get the last laugh. Know That. StephenSo Tim thinks someone has found the idol based on what he found in the moors and I’m inclined to agree, but it worries me how fast things are moving, im hoping we win immunity so theres time for things to settle down and for people to relax. At the same time chaos is a good way to find out who you can trust.

https://youtu.be/RSSBtWKMfiU

I'd be very very surprised if we win immunity, especially since our tribe has members with a 5% and 10% disadvantage, and some members of our tribe who have yet to complete their challenge or never will? InfiniVi has a 10% advantage so maybe that will help balance it all out. Regardless, I think I'm in a safe spot on my tribe and I am confident in my challenge time and Im hope Stephen and JG does well so cheers to that??

I didn't notice a small wording difference which changes my time in logic puzzle from very low to over 3 hours and 40 minutes. I am worried if we lose this challenge I could be sent home, but hopefully if so Sarah is thrown under the bus. I mean they haven't even been here! Everybody else is so nice and cool, I love my tribe!

Well I had a very nice conversation with Vi and Tara (seperately) and August your game is donezo. We know about your idol/advantage and you lost your potential allies' trust in the process. If only you'd kept Neist point a secret. Fear not, we can still use you as a number and you can be one of the many strings I pull as I become Sole Survivor. Ciao!

Hour and a half before battleship. The tribe seems excited to cheer me on. They all seem to think it rests solely on me. But if they all lost then we’re already fated to go to tribal, no? Irregardless, it would be a good moral victory. I’m trying to decide how to come across when I go head to head with the other tribe. Strategic? If so he may figure out that my ship placement strategy wasn’t just random. Wholesome and nonthreatening? It may help out now but they may think I’m not quite smart should I make it to the merge. Maybe that’s a good thing idk. I’m only certain of one thing however and that is that I’m definitely overthinking this. I watched my opponent’s intro video. He is into Star Wars and humanitarianism. Maybe I can pander to that so he doesn’t feel threatened. Battleship is mostly a game of luck but anything I can do that might be an advantage is worth it.

So so so, so much has happened I don't know where to start. The alliance between Tara, August and I basically is down to Tara and I and August as the third wheeler. He has betrayed our trust and so we're going to pretend to be nice to him. Also there is a 85% chance of him having the idol. Tim accused me of having it but jokes on him, I would have screamed it in the main chat since it's rare for me to get lucky with anything. Anyways I think I'm gonna go place some tension between a couple people and see how that blows up in my face. I know it will bc that's my luck also

I got more updates on the drama. Tim is a bas-cough- sneaky little no legged lizard. Can't believe he told Tara to go to the cauldron even tho Ain told him that it held a disadvantage right before that. Hehehe the boys - August, Tim and Stephen - are gonna regret it the moment the girls line up too.

Olivia is a QUEEN AND WON A SECTION FOR US IN THE RELAY. SLAY ME

Im not sur if im allowed to curse but where in the world are these ships!!! Hello????

My fav player won their challenge I am so proud of her. She will win first for sure calling it now.

JG seems like a fun guy, but we havent talked much. In his challenge he kept changing his pattern, which I’m not sure was a good idea, but that might just be hindsight.

https://youtu.be/nk5jBYqnYwI

We are going to lose because I suck at puzzles

HOLY SHITBALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just won the battleship challenge and I feel OH so relieved. So much has happened today I hope I don't forget to write it here. Ok so I was included into the one viewing lounge which was cool as shit but I didn't know anyone but hopefully I can be included in this community going forward because everyone seems so cool. Trip and Canada jake both told me their moor experience which hopefully shows trust. And after I won the challenge Trip said I should be captain. It was sweet, but hopefully no one takes that to mean I am the leader because I sure as shit do not want that. Even though I feel like I am in a bit of a power position with Luke right now, I do not want anyone else to know and I certainly don't want people to think I am the captain because those people always get targeted (see: ben this current tv season). Apparently I mentioned that Luke was the only one that knew the coordinates for battleship and when Luke told me I did that I about shit myself because we don't want people finding out how close we are. Hopefully none of the players caught on. Luke told me that Heather told him that she got a 10% advantage in the first individual immunity challenge, and she didn't tell me that until she told the fab four collectively which concerns me because yesterday she told me she trusts me the most. I started individually messaging her so hopefully I can keep that trust. We get the tribal results tonight and hopefully we won so we can keep the Sarah buffer going forward. People were calling me an icon today and I don't really agree but it made me like so happy I could do something for the tribe and everyone was so nice after I won like I was so emotional reading the messages. I know this is a game but I like everyone so much and I'm so grateful I got this tribe. oh also Jake S. hasn't been responding (like usual) and I am just overall concerned about him and whether or not he has an idol. Besides that, I am just so happy with how today played out. Sorry for the long ass confessional lol.

Oh and also I love Heather but with the individual messaging I wasn't sure how to start it so I mentioned the walking dead, her favorite show, which I have literally never seen except for when people reblog stuff about it on my tumblr. I literally only had my tumblr knowledge to go on to carry that convo but it seemed to work and she seemed to buy it. I feel bad lying but like I need to talk to her more and I needed an ice breaker lol.

I’m currently trying to secure my alliance with Madison. Whilst I don’t 100% trust her and would like to see her gone before the merge, I want her to think she is my #1. To do this, I’m asking her if I should branch out to Annamarie. She agreed, so I made a group chat with them. This is not so much to control Annamarie but more to let Madison think I’m hopeless without having her in my convos. Hopefully I’m not coming on too strong.

holy shit that was the worst puzzle i've ever had the misfortune of trying to piece together im so happy its over

Iolaire won the first immunity challenge, sending Saorsa to tribal council

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/168413432616/tribal-immunity-1-results

Im literally shakingggg. We won the first immunity so no first boots from our tribe! I think we were lucky that someone from the other tribe got a strike, otherwise, im uncertain how things would have ended up. There was a plan to blindside August and the idol but we'll have to put it on hold!

So glad we won, there has been a little drama and while I was confident I wouldn't be going home I'm glad we get time to settle down and talk more. I want to make sure I can get Tara, JG, and Rebecka on side, if we can flush or blindside August's idol I'll feel mch better.

omg, close ass challenge it seems like this was alot closer than i anticapated, i expected a loss in the logic but holy we almost wonf if not for sarah thats crazy, but i mean its hard to win with an afk, at least its an easy vote, another loss may not result in so, so we gotta get that motivation and grab the bull by the horns and win !!!

I'm so proud of Trip and Olivia for winning but I am also soooo pissed. If Sarah would have tried I truly think we would have had a chance.

Honestly I'm kinda pissed that Sarah never submitted cause we had it in the bag. I failed pretty hard with the puzzle, but I'm hoping to do better next time. I found a freaking path in the moors, no advantage, no hint. I'm trying to get around, trying to talk to everyone, especially madison, lucas, and olivia. I'm very comfortable with them and I feel that we'd be a good alliance once the game gets SERIOUS. I got drafted twice and I'm gonna cry I'm so happy

DAMNNN we have to go to tribal. Whilst I am sad about this, it won't be too sad seeing Sarah go (hopefully). After seeing the draft results as well, I think I am going to make Madison my #1 considering how liked she is by the VL. She must be a good person. Also, since she has history of the game- it would make sense to align with her over Olivia.

So Rebecka has finally communicated, was worried she had a grudge from Athena, but I know she's going through some things, hopefully she is better now. I do want to work with her, but I would be worried that she is more inclined to work against me than with me, hopefully I can work with her, she's a loyal person and I can use that.

Aye it’s my first confessional!! I’ve kinda been laying low from the start cuz I’ve been very busy in real life but I think everyone on my tribe is cool! I think this rounds tribal should be easy considering we have a 100% inactive but in survivor who knows what’ll happen.. I’m also not aligned with anyone at this point. I’m just chillin. But it’s a bummer we lost so hopefully someone reaches out to me soon!

Jake just told me we are meant to be allies. I asked for his advise and he said he is there to help me, which is good for any future plans. I'm not sure if Heather trusts me the most anymore, but I know she thinks I'm right. I still have Luke 100% and hopefully tomorrow I can secure Trip more. Tomorrow is an easy vote day and Luke and I are going to use this opportunity to lay low and just trust build. Hopefully all goes to plan. Should we lose another immunity, we have a tentative plan in place. But hopefully, we won't get there.

I cant believe I somehow won my challenge even though I made a horribly dumb mistake! If my original assumption was right since we both won me and Olivia should have nothing to worry about. We all know who is going this tribal though. It would surprise me if it was not unanimous.

I’m glad I’m not going to be the first boot! A personal achievement. MadisonI’m super concerned about the advantage possibilities NOT GONNA LIE. And Jake S is sketchy. And Trip is playing hard wtf? Also I’m concerned that i was DRAFTED SO MUCH WTF. Like I’m happy but also I’m v concerned that people think I’m way more of a threat than I am.

Honestly from yesterday to rn I read every single message over 3 times and I still don't understand anything that people messaged me. I had to write this over 3 times since I'm so dizzy and brain dead from not sleeping and finals. I feel absolutely nothing atm and so I can't tell if people are trying to screw me over or not. O well. I'm not that sad that we won, I don't know the other tribe so whatever.

Wow. So tribal's tonight and I'm mega excited. I can't wait to see how it goes and what question the judges ask and see who people voted for. I feel that this is an easy vote, but it's impossible to know what everyone is thinking. I'm excited for the next round and see what challenges the judges come up with. Overall, this first round has been incredible, especially since this is my first time playing, and I'm ecstatic to see what's next.

Well tribal is not too far away. I voted for Sarah, I'm hoping and guessing everyone else did too. Canada Jake's nickname for me is Moose, how freaking adorable is that. I love that guy. Today was supposed to be just a simple trust building day and then Trip blew that up lmao. I wonder if I tell Canada Jake that Trip excluded him if he would maybe get on board with what we need him to. I'm finding myself thinking way too far in advance when I just need to focus on what is happening now. With every move I imagine 1,000,000 different repercussions and how it could lead to me getting voted out. I want to go far so badly but I worry I won't make it past episode two. Just gotta take it one step at a time I guess.

This is probably my 100th confessional of the season (It's day 4), but Im totally enjoying my day off! We don't have to worry about going to tribal and losing a member of our team! What worries me though is that once the other tribe eliminates their inactive player, we'll be doomed at the next immunity.

Dang k9trip is salty at the moment. Rushing tribal to the extreme.

An alliance of Heather, Lukas, Madison, and Olivia called “Future Final 4″ was created on Saorsa.

An alliance of Vi, Tara, and August was created on Iolaire.

An alliance called “Secret Tribe F5″ between Heather, Trip, Lukas, and Olivia was created on Saorsa.

An all-girls alliance between Heather, AnnMarie, and Olivia was created on Saorsa.

At tribal council, Sarah was eliminated in a unanimous vote:

https://atomicsurvivor-isleofskye.tumblr.com/post/168443384851/tribal-council-1-saorsa

#alostpuppydog #episodes

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