#my phone has hated me the whole time b/c again i didnt expect it to be so long and got stuck typing this in the mobile app

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i seen a few times ppl like implying that the positive char development that the donuts are getting via their experiences has anything to do with them having Needed A Break from each other.......i’m truly bemused like. are you talking about this in terms specifically of their Relationship to each other? b/c frankly the way i was seeing it is that their relationship prior to these arcs was actually in a fairly chill place, and that they had figured out a lot of things abt their own / each others needs in terms of it that had been causing them problems and all. obviously i wasnt thinking like “guess everythings perfect for them now” since i mean it wasnt even clear they were like for sure officially ~together~ but also b/c why would it be when they’d just started to be able to have a more solid handle on their own mutual deal

but also like. the only thing we can really say is that sadie quit the big donut and got “yolo” knuck tats because there was nothing at all adequate abt the job w/o having a coworker to hang out w and the fact that lars just went off and died is like, well then live for the fuckin moment i guess huh. like that situation isnt even caused just by the fact that lars is absent, like maybe he’s on vacation or something. its that he, again, died and is still in danger and nobody knows for sure if/when he’ll get back. maybe she wouldn’t’ve started a garage band if that hadn’t happened, but its not like if she had done that and lars was still there, she would definitely be prevented from doing anything involving pursuing her interests, like. idk hopefully nobody thinks that ppl in relationships can’t have independent pursuits or focus on their personal interests

meanwhile there’s no point in saying that anything lars is doing requires sadie’s absence either. its more sort of say the absence of absolutely everyone on earth save steven for a bit there. like sure it was a factor that they got separated the way they did and he felt bad for being too panicky to help her but, same as with sadie, that has nothing to do with benefitting directly from her not being there. and its not like being separated from sadie was the One Reason he was able save everybody and get them all on a spaceship. there was like half a dozen factors there; to suggest if sadie had been there he wouldn’t be able to do this is.....i dont even know...

like fr this whole time for the both of them, the other has been probably the person they’ve been most comfortable being most like themselves around, and not feeling the kind of pressure from each other that generally stifles them in most other situations (like how lars is afraid of how ppl (he presumes negatively) judge him, how sadie feels bound by various expectations for what ppl think she’s really like (but isn’t really like))...the fact that they’re both getting to explore these different sides of themselves isnt really anything they couldnt do back on earth together. the events that happened to separate them (and separate lars from like all of earth...just to reiterate..) just happened to give them a real boost along the lines of making these decisions that impacted their development and gave them these totally new roles within totally new experiences

this is like ppl who have some idea that lars “needed” to die. like, even when its not just ppl who think so badly of lars’s char that they Wanted him to die, but rather looking back on the fact that that happened and he was killed/revived real quick lol—lars didnt Have to do that to have the development of getting to actually fight to protect others and himself and gain some confidence. he wouldve done that whether or not it had actually killed him—when he let the guys scan him without knowing it WOULDNT kill him was arguably enough to give him the same development as if the one hadnt blown up at him suddenly. and i mean, the space piracy is given a fun angle because its cool and genre, but none of them are doing it for fun. they’re trying to get to earth and not fuckin die along the way. lars is getting to continue Experiencing Some Confidence for the first time in probably ever but to present the situation he’s in and how he’s gotten there as something he “needed” is a bit cruel lol...he coulda done that on earth

like yeah if they were both living their normal lives you dont Know that some normal earth event would make them quit and sadie pursue her interests and independence while lars is put in a situation where he feels like he Belongs in a group and has confidence in himself and his ability to do like, anything. but thats coz events sort of just happen at you randomly. like how the event of being attacked by aliens basically led to this for them...it wasnt the Only Way these things could happen, its just The One Way That They Did

and like i also dont quite see that these changes theyve gotten to go through are going to put them in a perfect version of a relationship when lars gets back to earth...they still dont have the longest history of feeling kinda secure in the fact that the other really does actually like them ok, and this whole time theyve been teenz so what do you expect them having a smooth tumult-free development for, and having positive (and negative) experiences separately doesnt just automatically translate into an instantly leveled up relationship the moment they stand within 10 ft of each other again. they gotta catch up and relearn where each other is at and what their new lives and wants and needs are...and just coz their positive development might make it a bit Easier for them if some of their strongest insecurities are a lil blunted now & plus just that being happier tends to make everything easier, doesnt mean that everything is simply effortless. tbh if a relationship is effortless and stays together forever thats less Romantic And Ideal than like, sheer luck.

and it’s unrealistic (in life and in how the show doesnt make a character complete an emotional arc in a single episode or suddenly shed a defining trait just because they realize they ought to change their approach re: something or other) to think that either lars or sadie have like, completely shed all their issues as individuals anyways. and i mean, its their issues that drove them to make these changes theyre currently on. sadie being frustrated with her job, feeling unable to be herself = the motivations that means she’s now really actively pursuing what tf she feels like doing and pushing for it to continue and for it to be in line w what she wants it to be. but she’s not suddenly freed from all insecurities or feeling like everything’s perfect forever and she can never feel stifled again. plus yanno this whole time she freakin misses lars coz they’re friends and that’s not like...something she’s needed to do. absence makes the heart grow fonder but “be apart from each other indefinitely” isnt any kind of a relationship requirement. its just painful and all.

and lars knowing what its like to be afraid all the time and being frustrated abt it means he was so pushed to all at once finally stand up against what he’s scared of that he went and got himself killed, and also that he doesn’t feel the same social pressure he did on earth amongst the off colors, because he knows they know what its like to be scared all the time too—which ppl back on earth didnt understand about him. and so its the fact he’s so familiar with fear and stress that he’s able to fight for them and himself so hard now. but it’s not like you can just Decide your lifelong anxieties out of existence. after a dramatically changing experience, you’re not gonna be the same person you were before, and you’re not gonna be a totally different person. lars isnt some different person unaffected by fears or insecurities anymore. like heck he was still afraid that sadie actually didn’t miss him at all and was maybe even glad that he was gone, something that was completely in line with who he’s been and how he’s felt this whole series. and people go and be annoyed b/c i guess they expect him to just be a character Completely Changed by one dramatic yet brief part of his life rather than a character who’s still just developing and shaped by all his past experiences actually. and who, no, didnt get to choose to shed all fear b/c thats not how it works. he still feels it, he just finally got the taste of taking action anyways. plus even now that he’s not stuck in a crisis over thinking sadie might just hate him now, tbh he does still need to hear it from her that she doesnt lol)

also? tbh? lars’s Whole New Thing has been happening while he’s (mostly) isolated on a spaceship, w just the offcolors and maybe occasional interactions w hostile aliens, which hardly counts as socializing. and sadie’s whole thing of being herself and pursuing her own desires is still happening just around the cool kids really—not to mention all behind a persona. it’s actually not even that like, a lack of confidence = lack of stage fright or vice versa. its a whole other thing for her to stand up for herself and make her own choices in areas that have nothing to do with her band, even though the experiences within the band will help and give her a starting point and something to feel secure in. just like when lars is back on earth and off the ship, he won’t have the same role he has just around the off colors, just being the front of that band in his own, more imperiled, less musical way. and just coz he knows he can hold his own against destructive imperialistic colonizing aliens, doesnt mean he’s gonna be fearless in the face of the cool kids now, or think he can do anything. he’s still faced with the expectations and perceptions from ppl that he did before he left, even if the way ppl act with lars can easily change now. again, just coz things might be easier for the dnuts now doesnt mean they’ve just shrugged off their problems or are now faced with effortless paths in all aspects of their lives

theyve needed a break from the norm they used to have, but Each Other was the least of what was holding them back from changing things up for themselves. it was completely external events as much as anything else that changed things up for them, coz thats how it works sometimes—and within their new circumstances theyve gotten to experience a new situation that lets them be a bit different than they’ve gotten to be back on earth. i mean, they were really restricted. they had the terrible job, both have somewhat strained relationships w parents who dont seem to really understand who their child is, both of them feel pressured by people in general, both have insecurities, both were kind of just faced with a future that didnt involve them being able to just see happiness coming down the line. and it was a big problem for both of them tbh that neither of them really had any friends. sadie was finding it difficult to express herself or be herself, she was always in a scenario where someone (her mom, corporate policy, customers,) expected her to be a certain way that wasnt the real her, she had a crap job, nobody really seemed to know her, her tendency to Hold Back Until You Blow Up could be counterproductive to say the least. lars is stuck in the same job, with nobody thinking he’s particularly good for anything, even his parents not really expecting him to succeed in any way, desperately wanting friends but being too afraid of people to make any, being defensively irritable and pushing people away but unable to be angry on his own behalf. they’re both getting their first chance to be themselves, they’ve both stumbled into Friend Groups where they’re not only respected but supported and even esteemed, they’re both making and acting on choices completely on their own and not being as held back by their fears. but they’re the same people and none of this means the problems they’ve been dealing with are over because of it. they’ve just been forced to adapt to this change that’s come upon them, and they’ve both happened to make the most of it and be getting something positive out of a really crap situation. they could be having these arcs via a different scenario, but it would probably have to be more drawn out if nobody was in fuckin space

getting away from me slightly but its weird to say that lars and sadie Needed to be separated by lightyears thru a horrible experience and one of them is killed and still in space indefinitely. and i dont know how you’d describe what’s happening there as “a break.” that not only implies that they chose to be separated but that they have had the option to be together this whole time and continuously chosen not to, and have considered this whole experience to be a positive thing. an involuntary separation where both really wish they weren’t separated isnt a break. and to say that either of them Need to be separated in this particular way, like, man you know what their relationship needs? someone to be sent an impossible distance away & he died and might die again and might be unable to return. like, no relationship needs that or anything like that. it’d be affected by it sure, and they might be able to find silver linings in it as they have, but its never going to be necessary.....like, fucks sake if it was, how fucked up would that be

again a break would have to be something voluntarily chosen that they believed would be positive for them both, not that they believed would involve mortal peril. and they like, arent enjoying the fact theyre separated. and what the characters are going through is more about their individual developments than how it necessarily applies to their relationship—again i’d argue their relationship was in a decent place actually. not perfect obv, but good...i mean look at how good they both were at recognizing what they were both struggling with re each other. lars didnt Almost Die or anything, until later. and i imagine this stuff is going to help, but not in a “if this hadnt happened their relationship would be doomed” way. and again it is kinda wild to say that any of this might be required of them for any reason, they’re really going thru some shit w all this

anyways 🍩

[gohyuck]

Sleepovers with NCT Dream

anon asked: Am I allowed to request sleepover/slumber parties with NCT Dream? Just somethin cute n fluffy

okay so i’m not sure if this is like each individual member or with the group as a whole so i did...both? 

uh for each of them the other members aren’t present because just...assume that the specific member kicked them out for the night or they dont wanna bother member/reader haha

under the cut

mark

“fight me mark lee”

you regret the words like...as soon as they leave you because the moment you finish your sentence you get a face full of pillow

youd forgotten your clothes in the excitement of being able to sleepover at your boyfriend’s so long story short you’re decked out in one of his thinner t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants

moments before disaster (aka The Pillow) struck you’d been chilling out on the couch and you both were pigging out just watching tv or something 

then mark decided to s t e a l a c h i p f r o m y o u r b o w l 

you couldn’t just TAKE THAT 

so yeah you mouth off and then get pillowed in the face and after the initial shock wears off you kinda just calmly get up and walk slowly towards the kitchen counter to put your food away so it doesnt spill

all the while mark is shaking in his boots the fear is BUILDING

because hes going over the scenarios of what you might do next in his head he doesnt notice you discretely picking up a pillow

he does feel it tho when you hit him upside the head with it

W A R ensues its like... Armageddon 

until you pin mark down because hes laughing way too hard to fight back

“cry uncle” “NEVER” tickles him once “uNCLE”

he calls for a truce and you give him one with a warning about stealing food and hes like ok fine ill get my own chips next time and you guys resume watching the movie

his arms around you and youre just using him as a headrest/backrest and its overall a really soft time tbh

mark is really comfortable tbh

and you guys have been dating for a while (dream’s parents) so it’s just like a normal date, practically

its just really chill like you guys dont do much other than marathon movies and pillow fight and pig out 

and make small talk 

and steal kisses

playing random games like ispy or something just seems like a mark thing

planning future hang outs and dates lol

“hey on our next date im taking you out to dinner” “and a movie” “you bet” “mark i was kiddi-” “its my treat”

it gets late fast though (time flies when you’re having fun) and you notice this and look over to say that maybe you guys should sleep only to find your bf knocked out on the other side of the couch

again

you cant help but smile at the sight

he’s so overworked, you don’t have the heart to wake him up

instead you turn off the tv, put up all the foodstuffs and clean the area quickly, put the pillows up and lay a pillow out on the ground by the couch and find a blanket and then turn off the lights before lying down

when mark wakes up the next morning he wakes up before you and sighs before stepping over you lightly to brush and stuff and to pour cereal for the two of you (hes not even going to TRY to cook)

once you wake up hes like “why didnt you wake me i wouldve taken the floor” and youre just like “yeah thats why i didnt wake you” and he just shakes his head because he cant argue with you and honestly hes

kinda touched, just a little

you have to leave all too soon but you dont go before getting a goodbye kiss and a promise to have another sleepover very soon

just....soft..soft times

renjun

board game central

hes just 

head in the game lolol (dont kill me for that joke)

monopoly? clue? sorry? you name it he’s got it like...this boy doesn’t play when it comes to board games

no pun intended

the first half of the night is just you guys playing random board games as best you can with just two people

and then he brings out the chess board

that’s when it gets bumpin tbh

by bumpin i mean you and your boyfriend nearly wring each others throats during the match...but with your minds...because neither of you are speaking you’re THAT concentrated

it’s.....2 hours long

and in the end you guys have to call a draw and like you sit back and just stare at each other blinking and eventually renjun speaks

and his voice is hoarse because neither of you have spoken in a while and the first thing he says (very matter-of-factly, too) is “i’m going to flip the board now”

and you just go “go ahead” hoarsely as well because you’re just in mild shock that nobody won that intense ass match

he flips the board and looks up and stares at you and you stare back and suddenly the two of you are crying of laughter like

majorly uncontrollable you’re just rolling on the floor wheezing 

after you both calm down renjun goes to the kitchen to find something to eat and he’s like “it’s 1 in the morning oh my god we haven’t even eaten dinner what the heck” and that sends you into another fit of laughter

“wait but we still have to have like a pillow fight and watch dumb romcoms and horrors and stuff we have so much to do and so little time” “renjun we don’t have to do all the cliche sleepover stuff” “ok but consider this: itll be fun” “its like ass thirty in the morning though/??” “are you saying we cant do it because if so now we HAVE to do it” “...you get the pillows i’ll get the popcorn put the worst movie you can find into the dvd player”

after a few movies its like 5: 30 am and the two of you are still awake

“are you still up” “no are you” “no”

neither of you wants to be the first to fall asleep

competitive couple af

you guys start a two person game of truth or dare and it ends up getting mushy because for a truth renjun asks you like how you knew you wanted to date him

and you get serious and stuff (which he didn’t foresee he expected an answer like “well you look like moomin and like....i love moomin”) and you come at him with like “when i started noticing that your eyes sparkle when you sing and just how happy you make other people and how you love what you do and how-”

he attacks you with a massive hug because oh my god you’re so sweet he’s getting a cavity 

“i like you a lot, you know”  “i’d hope so i just ate like 90% of your snack stash renjun”  “i take that back”

you guys are still awake when mark comes back to the dorm

when he gets out of the shower, however, is a different story - you and renjun are dead asleep while sitting on the couch, awkwardly wrapped around each other

a photoshoot courtesy of mark’s phone camera ensues

(mark goes to sleep to ice cubes in his pillow that night, courtesy of you and renjun)

jeno

king of planning 

like he mentally knows everything that can and will go wrong and stuff and knows where the extra pillows and blankets are and is aware of what you’re gonna wanna do and just...he Knows

the first thing you guys do when you get to the dorm is bake brownies 

he makes sure to take videos of the whole process and send them to the other members

jeno: guess what yall are missing out on ;) jisung: i hate this family

the kind of bf to try to feed you the brownies and get the food literally everywhere but your mouth

for as put together as he is you guys end up having brownies and ice cream for dinner lol neither of you can be bothered to cook dinner

“babe should we order out” “i mean you can if you want to” “...but jenoooo that means getting up and getting to my phone” “that’s what i thought”

has a cache of games and movies and shows 

“take your pick”

you guys end up playing random card games like ERS or blackjack for a while 

it honestly is never boring tho because you and jeno are just so comfortable with each other every moment is great no matter what you’re doing

i feel like jeno’s the kind of guy to call his SO a bunch of cute nicknames like he just wants you to know how cute he thinks you are and he does that thru nicknames

“love...” “babe...” “sweetheart...”

after a while though you run out of card games to play and jeno’s about to suggest watching something on tv when he sees your expression

“...what’s on your mind” “...we could mess with your members a little...” “prank calls?” “you know me so well”

within an hour the two of you have convinced yuta that aliens are real and can use cellphones and gotten taeyong to believe that “swag” is a polish swear word and that donghyuck needs to be punished whenever he says it

and jaemin thinks he’s being relentlessly contacted by clowns from a circus in the next town over who think that he’s stolen their tiny car

you guys pass more time just talking and stuff 

and putting on songs and dancing to them it’s Good Fun

he makes you take his bed and sleeps on the floor in a sleeping bag 

you feel awful about it though so when you’re sure he asleep you go find the other sleeping bag and take your pillow and sleep beside him on the floor

he’s super shook when he wakes up but when he realizes that you didn’t want him to be lonely on the floor his smile is as bright as the sun

texts his friends for help on how to cook a nice breakfast

jeno: yo does anyone know how to make breakfast haechan: yeah jeno: cool what are the directions haechan: i didn’t say i’d give them to you

by this time you’re awake and just like “ok let me handle breakfast” 

the two of you just end up eating plain rice and eggs (because you aren’t confident in your kitchen skills) and giggling over the crappy pictures you’re taking of each other eating 

all in all the perfect date/sleepover

haechan

the moment you walk in the first thing that happens is that haechan pulls you into a hug

the second thing that happens is he holds you at an arm’s length, looks you straight in the eyes, and goes “we have to make a pillow fort”

you 100% agree it’s a necessity 

after putting your bag down on the kitchen he basically drags you to the living room 

the couch gets pushed back against the wall, the coffee table is moved to the side and chairs are moved back so there’s just a big floorspace directly in front of the tv 

“let’s use four chairs as like pillars to hold up the blankets and bring all our food, phones, everything in so we don’t have to leave the fort the whole night” “i like the way you think.. we should go out some time, get to know each other better” “hyuck we’re dating”

i feel like haechan’s the type to be reserved with pda and stick to handholding (only sometimes, even then) because he’s embarrassed around the other members because they like teasing y’all

BUT when you guys are alone he’s totally different 

like after the fort is finished and there are blankets above your heads and you’re both changed into makeshift pjs (just shorts and shirts tbh) and theres pillows around the fort’s perimeter and the tv is on he’ll like

grab whatever you’re currently eating and hold it up and whenever you lean over to reach it he’ll just lean back or move it just out of your reach again

“give it backkkk” “only if you kiss me” “...honestly i was going to do that anyways but now that you’re asking i don’t want to”

leaning into him and him closing his eyes because he expects a kiss and his arm naturally lowering lolol you grab the food and move back without even a peck on the cheek

a pouty haechan emerges

he wont talk to you again unless you kiss him and youre like ugh this big baby

but you dont wanna spend the whole night conversationless so you comply and he pulls you in

suddenly yall are rolling around in the fort laughing and having a play fight just cute af tbh

“hey hyuck we have approximately 9 hours before the other guys come back and i have to go and we have to sleep sometime so we basically have 3 hours to pull some amazing prank” “not to worry, sweetheart - i already have an idea”

and thats when you two set about to turn literally everything upside down in everyone’s rooms 

it takes forever because he puts music on while you guys are working and you both end up ballroom dancing to michael jackson

once its done neither of you can breathe from laughing so hard 

he makes a really quick dinner and the two of you eat it in the fort

while trading stories from the past couple weeks

“so you’re telling me she just...drank the entire cup of coffee after pouring two monster energies into it” “yeah she straight up chugged it i was in AWE”

all of this is done facing each other while holding hands on one side and eating with the other

“hey is that my shirt” “might be? i just found it in my drawers” “it’s definitely mine” “no wonder it’s so soft”

you guys fall asleep really late (or early, depending on how you look at it) because you spend so much time just TALKING

there’s 80s movies playing on the tv in the background

you fall asleep on your pillow but wake up like sideways using haechan’s chest as a footrest or something just...weird sleep position couple

the two of you wake up to confused exclamations from the other members

“hey maybe we should eat breakfast somewhere else so they don’t kill us for the upside downness” “get your keys i’ll grab money” 

jaemin

buys a telescope just for your sleepover

“what’s the point of having a roof if you can’t climb on top of it and stargaze”

has you go up the stairs to the roof first so he can keep a steady hand on your back since the stairs are narrow

you guys have to make like three trips up and down from the roof before settling down

the first trip you guys set the telescope and blankets up and you go down because you need to go back and bring the food up

the second time is because you have to bring pillows up

the third time is because jaemin forgets his phone oops

its still kind of light out when you guys get up on the roof so you pass time by taking selfies and talking and stuff

its cold af outside and youre freezing despite your jacket so jaemin bundles the both of you up in a blanket (or 4) 

“so the best time to watch the meteor shower is between midnight and dawn but we can just look at other cool spacey stuff before then” “why would i look at other stars when the brightest star is right in front of me” “that’s the cheesiest thing i’ve ever heard i’m breaking up with you” “aw jaemin you know you love me”

you have to stop him from trying to eat what is essentially just a whole bunch of tomatoes in rice paper in one bite

jaemin forgets to bring games up to the roof and hes too lazy to go downstairs and get anything

youre not bored anyways tho

once it gets darker you guys start pointing out some cool stars and constellations

“babe it’s orion’s belt” “nana look at that star, it looks so bright!” “almost as bright as you” “i already said that about you earlier, try again”

play fighting over the telescope

he lets you look first though

when the meteor shower starts you’re both in serious awe

“can you believe that we’re so small and just..tiny and pliable and insignificant in this universe and there are huge things like meteors just streaking through this vast space of nothingness and just wow” “i’m just glad i exist at the same time as you” “jaemin that’s...that’s not even corny or anything that’s just super cute i can’t even make fun of you for it” “it’s true, though”

both of you forget to take videos of the shower

because you’re just enthralled with the fact that the literal sky is like...on fire and shit

jaemin the type to press chaste kisses to your cheek and pull you ever closer to him at random intervals

Soft BF Alert

eating dinner while watching

he points at like every meteor and is like “look at it goooo”

“gotta go fast” “jae if it was possible to literally delete somebody i’d do that right now...blocked” “you love me”

sings under his breath and you record a vid of him doing it without him knowing because its so cute and just...hes so good at singing youre shook

once it starts getting really late and youre yawning and stuff hes like ok maybe we should go downstairs and sleep

it takes two trips to get everything back down to the dorm rip 

at least jaemin doesnt forget his phone this time

once you guys get back neither of you can decide who gets the bed

“you can have it babe i sleep here everyday” “no way i cant do that to you, ill take the floor i practically live here its like home”

its wayyy too late to argue tho you both end up sharing the bed

overall an amazing date like???? meteor shower AND a sleepover with your bf in one night?

thats one successful night

chenle 

theres an unspoken meme war between the two of you

like nobody really mentions it its there...looming...constantly...

meme war as in you guys constantly taken ABSOLUTELY HORRENDOUS pictures of each other and use them as reaction images

throughout the night each of you take/send pics of each other to the other dream members 

“we should cuddle” “ok how do i know youre not gonna like...lick me or something for a picture of my expression” “you...well you dont but-”

you convince him to watch the ouija movies that are out

he makes it through them but like...

chenle’s either screaming throughout the whole movie or totally shell shocked and you’re just lol @ him

“this isn’t even that scary” “speak for yourself” “i am - come out from under the blanket babe i swear it’s not that scary”

after the movies he’s like “im never letting you choose what to do ever again ever” and you get him saying it on video for the Jokes

its his turn to choose

his immediate response is karaoke

chenle sets everything up for it while you order in dinner because lbr neither of you are looking up the directions to anything with cooking 

he screams directly into the mic while youre on the phone to test it

(and takes a pic of your eyes going wide and you jumping a little bit)

“is everything alright on your side” “yeah just ...make that three orders of chicken im gonna be eating my woes away tonight”

chenle gets out the hoverboard and tries to teach you the dance moves to chewing gum

that quickly stops because you fall onto him

twice

within a span of four and a half minutes

nobodys there to roast though so you guys laugh as hard as you want

a lot of screaming

you love his laugh its so bright and happy just!!! wow

ngl since you started dating him his laugh kind of influenced yours so you laugh a lot louder than you did before chenle

when your food comes in youre too busy screaming lyrics to a song to get the door so chenle grabs the food

and tips the deliveryboy even more than he usually would 

“you’re going to scare away the neighbors with that singing” “i’m surprised people still live here after you moved in chenle, dolphin sounding little-”

eating on the floor while facing each other

“close your mouth while chewing” “ok hon but to tell me that you spoke while eating” “listen, zhong chenle-”

having a staring contest 

loser has to wash dishes

spoiler alert: you lose because he starts smiling and you cant stare straight at him when he smiles without smiling back and blinking really hard its like looking straight at the actual sun

hes super loving and cuddly so while youre washing dishes chenle backhugs you instead of cleaning up the karaoke equipment

“yah you’re sidetracking me” “we should dance instead of being boring and washing dishes like an old married couple” “you can dance while i’m being productive”

he does just that - tries to sidetrack you EVEN MORE by dancing ridiculously while you try to wash dishes 

ends up in a soap and water fight 

i feel like chenle would sleep a little earlier than the other guys so when youre done cleaning up your (late) dinner and hes done mopping the floor of the remnants of soap hes like maybe we should sleep

you agree because its almost like 1 am and youre tired too

pulling out a big family size sleeping bag in the middle of the living room floor and finding pillows

putting on light instrumental sleep music

waking up to chenle taking like a million pictures of your terrible bedhead and sending them to all of his friends

chenle’s just so fun to be around alfskjdk

jisung

ngl i feel like the night would start off just a little bit awk with jisung

like not awkward to where no conversation is being made awkward just more like small talk while sitting a good foot away from each other on the couch and friends is running on the tv in the background awkward 

you get tired of that really fast tho

bc you and jisung have been best friends for a g e s it shouldnt be like this

so you bean him with a throw pillow

straight upside the head like hes an alarm clock that wont shut up

it takes him a second to react but once he does its chaos 

he hits you back with like twice as much speed and power

suddenly both of you are on the floor fending for yourselves while trying to attack the other

you fight valiantly but hes just

so dang tall that eventually he grabs the weaponized pillow right out of your hand and holds it way high above your head

“checkmate” “...oh shut up :/”

after that though its a lot more comfortable like you settle into your usual pattern of relentlessly teasing each other

“lets put on mickey mouse cartoons jisung you’ll be able to relate” “are you even tall enough to see the tv” “not everyone can be a beansprout”

jisung pops popcorn for the movies and instead of eating it while watching the movie the two of you just throw kernels at each other and laugh at how dumb the other looks with popcorn in their hair

after a while jisung’s like “we should go out back there’s like... a singular tree and some grass and we can just chill” and you’re like well that’s new in the city so it’s a good opportunity so you agree

bringing a needle and thread outside so you can sew together flower crowns of leaves, grass, and dandelions

jisung leans against the tree while watching you make a mildly lopsided crown 

he cant help but laugh when you put it on his head

“hold on im gonna take a picture” “do i look like a beautiful princess” “like a model, jisung, the prettiest princess ever” “will you be the frog to my princess?” “that’s the worst pick up line i’ve ever heard i’m considering taking back my flower crown”

you almost go inside after that but jisung’s like wait what about a flower crown for you

and you’re like oh i forgot i wasn’t really focusing on making one for myself haha

so jisung takes the needle and thread and makes you one

it’s not as pretty as the one that’s on his head but itll do

taking like 20 selfies together with the flower crowns before going back inside

after that he teaches you some of the nct dances

including stuff from the other subunits

“can you teach me taeil-ssi’s cheerleader dance from paju” “...this lesson is over”

jisung making rice and meat for dinner

you fry vegetables and try your hardest not to make anything explode

afterwards you’re lying down on the couch and he’s on the floor below you

the lights are out and its been a while since theyve been off

youre halfway asleep when

“i know youre my best friend but i think i want to date you”

aaaaand youre wide awake again

“wait, jisung, what?” “i thouGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP OH NO” “did i hear you correctly???” “im so sorry i’ll-” “i like you too you absolute idiot oh my god i cant believe neither of us said anything i-” “-move to cuba and change my name you’ll never have to hear from me again-” “-we are SO DUMB wow okay well we have to get together now its the next logical step-” “-and i’ll cut all connection off and. wait. wait, you like me back?” “-and. dude wait have you not been listening to me at all?? yes??”

and that kids is how you and jisung end up together

jisung texts all of his members before you both really do go to sleep (after an awkward hug and a massive bout of embarrassed laughter) that he finally confessed

you wake up to 89 texts and 2 missed calls 

“taeyong says i have to keep you safe and make sure you eat three square meals a day” “is it disrespectful if i block my hyung and surrogate mother”

!! youre dating park jisung congr a t s

ALL OF NCT DREAM

you open the door immediately to hug bombardment by chenle and jaemin

mark closes it behind you (and shrugs apologetically) considering you cant because youre sandwiched in between the two other members

the first thing all of you do is eat because haechan’s made dinner (with, as jeno keeps reminding everyone, jeno’s help)

hc: all he did was heat the water jn: but it was necessary and helpful, wasn’t it

the second order of business is to push everything out of the way in the living room so the floorspace is entirely open

there are, after all, eight people there and its getting tight on the chairs 

everyones just like eliminate the seating options and thats best - then everyone will just have to sit on the floor 

you: so whats next rj: lets play monopoly everyone, collectively: NO mk: i still have nightmares from last time

jisung suggests twister and everyone (foolishly) agrees

jaemin calls out the colors and limbs and soon you find your left arm reaching over chenle’s right leg and your legs trapped under jisung’s torso

hc, monotonously but muffled as his face is somewhere under renjun’s right armpit: wow this is so wild

after that ends badly (mark nearly suffocates from jeno’s left foot being literally in his mouth) everyone agrees on never taking a suggestion from jisung again (including jisung) 

you suggest a movie marathon and everyone throws pillows at you because that’s “basic”

jm: what about truth or dare jn: wow nana that’s actually a good idea jm: im going to ignore your tone and take it as a compliment anyways

truth or dare quickly causes everyone to become absolute messes because stuff like this happens -

you: renjun, truth or dare rj: truth you: so if you had to gently caress anyone here’s bellybutton, whose bellybutton would it be rj: i

mark and haechan and chenle can each barely breathe because theyre laughing too hard

meanwhile renjun’s mentally going through his brain files of everyone’s bellybuttons and ruing the day he was born, not necessarily in that order

jeno’s videotaping the entire game for future blackmail

hc: jisung if everyone here was a redwood tree who would you set on fire js: you hc: you..you couldnt have hesitated? for even just a secon d

jn: chenle go out in the street and yodel cl: you didnt even ask me truth or d- jn: do it

by the time truth or dare ends its pretty late but youre all way too hopped up on each others embarrassment and general having fun with friends to sleep

cl: karaoke? hc: karaoke. you: maybe karaoke will be our always

the noise level grows like exponentially once karaoke comes on

and it was already pretty freaking loud to start out with

mark’s halfway through a particularly soulful rendition of eminem’s lose yourself when you take a look at the clock

you: guys its almost 3 in the morning jm: sleep is for the WEAK js: chenle’s been knocked out for at least a half hour jm: exactly

mark and jeno move chenle onto the couch and put a blanket over him while you, haechan, and renjun set up sleeping bags and pillow and blankets on the living room floor 

jaemin and jisung turn the music off and make sure the kitchen and everything is clean (and twister is put away)

you turn off the lights and lie down in the bag between mark and renjun

you: we should do this another time jm: minus the twister everyone: minus the twister

jeno wakes you up by stepping on your stomach the next morning while trying to escape renjun and his Pillow of Wrath

the pillow fight’s a little late but hey

8 am is better late than never

a quick breakfast is had while everyone takes turns brushing/showering/changing and it hits 10 am quicker than expected

everyones sad when you have to go back home but!! you all had fun and thats what counts

youre not surprised when mark texts the group chat later about hanging out again soon

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

F/20. I’ve just realized that I can never befriend guys ever since this happened. I was best friends w this guy, I had other best guy friends before and along this as well but not after. But he was my bestest guy friend, lets call him A. We became friends after a fb chat on 3rd grade, went on becoming friends till 7th grade. We tell each other everything. Our crushes, people we hate, insecurities. Whenever he don’t tell who a story is about, its probably bc its about me. Same for myself. And we figured this code out & often do it. It was ok, things were great. until he confessed he has feelings for me.

I was in the middle of going thru a breakup. The break up happened at 6th grade (i know. I know i was too young but it broke me). I was madly in love with the guy. Lets call him B. A and B are in the same friend group at 7th grade. A used to say that he hates B bc of what he did to me, and bc B was this popular douchy stereotype guy. But somehow they became friends at 7th grade. I felt truly betrayed and confronted him about it, but after a few times I got tired and ignored the whole thing. Before this happened, I had asked him if he ever talked about me with anyone. And he told me that he talked about how pretty I was, as I quote him “I told C (C used to be my best friend as well, A & C are still friends now) that you’re goddamn gorgeous, and C agreed to it. Also I talked w B about u as well but thats confidential.”. So after he confessed, a friend of mine just told me that she has a crush on A and I volunteered to become their matchmaker…when he confessed to me, I was just texting him abt how heartbroken I was towards B. And he suddenly replied w, “idk if you’ve figured it out or not, but tbh rn i really like you a lot.”. And that just, i got so confused. I didnt know how to reply..i forgot what happened, but i think i did told him few weeks after that i had a crush on him but it was a long ago. To be honest, i never had a crush on him. I just didnt want to break any of my friendships. After that, things got a lot weirder..we dont talk much anymore. Ahh i forgot that few months before he confessed, he just broke off his 11 month relationship with one of my best friends. I was their mutual friend & i was the main reason they got together in the first place. At 8th grade, I moved to another school.

I apologized and messaged him on fb about how bad ive been treating him, and then i said that i was into someone but cant say it. Mind that at that time, i was forcing my feelings to like him. And so..he said that he had someone that he liked, so much, but cant share it either. Remember the story code? Pretty sure we both know it was abt each other. And then a few months after we talked again. He sort of sexually harrased me on chat, criticized my boobs and all that. I told him, what the fuck. Few days after told me he was sorry, and I quote him “God, I miss talkinh to you so much.”. And after that no convos anymore. Heard that hes dating someone else. Lets name her D. At 9th grade, I started talking to him again. He was still w D, he got sort of flirty I guess. I thought I liked him, but I never go for someone whos not single so I stopped. Few months later he told me they broke up, said he was out of his mind for wanting to date D. Told me bad things about D. Went back to that code thing again, abt how we like people but cant tell each other about it. At the end of 9th grade, i was like.. fuck it. Ill just tell him that its him, called him on the phone. Did a whole rant about my feelins and said, all this time..it was you. And he FREAKIN ANSWERED WITH, I KNOW…thanked me after that. A few weeks later I figured out he was w someone else when that phonecall happened. Shitttttt. Lets call her E.

E was and probably still, is SMITTEN w A. Its so so obvious. Naturally whenevet i just made a new social media account, Id follow A. And somehow, E WOULD KNOW, and follow me shortly afterwards. I have never talked nor met E before (it was a big school). At 10th grade, we did the whole code thing again. He was obviously still w E, but I was tired of it so I was like, “i do have someone that i like, but its def not u.”. He ignored me afterwards. A few months later, he went to my high school. A and I went to different high schools, but I go with D & E to the same one. I met him at the school hall, didnt expect it at all. He was talking w his friends & there was D as well. I said “Hi A” and he went silent. I just kept walking and i noticed he was still looking at me. At 11th grade, somehow the code thing happened AGAIN, at this point I got tired of it. He had his own squad, already broke up w E but they were in the same squad. I forgot what I told him but i think i told him who i was really nto, which is H (which surprise surprise!!is someone D IS INTO AS WELL) this time I realized that I never had feelings for B ever. He ignored me again. At 12th grade I deleted my ig, made a new one, and he suddenly followed me. I heard that in college he got back together w E which I fully support bc theyre so cute together & E is nice. But the whole thing together just made me never want to befriend guys, idk im just afraid of it. How do i try to fight this?

hello there. I can understand why you have hesitations on making new friends with guys after the history you had with A and the other guys in your life. I think one of things that made the friendship between you and A so strained was because you two kept hinting at having feelings, even if you really didn’t. It sounds like he did have feelings and would try to push you away when you made it clear you didn’t return those feelings. From what you’ve said, it sounds like he wasn’t the best friend to you once he confessed his feelings. 

Sadly, it is harder to be friends with someone of the opposite sex because some of time people become friends with someone with the intentions of becoming more. Don’t worry though, I promise there are guys out there who you can befriend without them trying to be more.

Remind yourself that every guy is not like A. Also, I would make sure when you do make new friends with a guy, that you make it clear you aren’t looking for more. Don’t give him hints or tell him you have feelings if you don’t. As long as both of you are on the same page, there shouldn’t be any issues! It might also help that you are a little older now. That might add a little more maturity to the friendship so that no lines are crossed to make the friendship become messy. 

Remind yourself that there is no reason to be afraid! Friendships can get messy but if you communicate with the other person and are honest about your feelings, then you won’t have to worry about sticky situations. 

I hope this helps and I hope you can make new friends without any reservations because of your past. 

-Demi

[youwantthiscockbad-blog]

LESLIE STATON & THE EVIL THAT HIDES INSIDE

This blog is being written to get my side out using mostly her text from various phone numbers shes had over the 3 years of us dating.  It is my attempt to show that there is another person *a cynical,disturbed, and highly revengeful person who i was not the only person who mentioned being “scared”of. Thiis person hates being outdone and showed up.  She plays games that she makes up in her dead b/c she feel that shes been done wrong at some point. I can only speak for myself and the games she played with me, and those that i had personally heard from concerning her behavior or prior interactions dealing with her. These character flaws may have always been there but i can attest to the progression of the meanness and cruelty as the years have gone by.  I might have kicked something into play when we met b/c when i met her on p.o.f. *a dating website i had created a fake profile (my thinking was that i would never see these girls for more than just a piece of ass, i pretended to be from England, which i knew a lot about from years of college...i never expected to fall in love with the first girl i ever replied to, hell, especially one that told me to come over to her moms and fuck all of her holes, no condom.  *I had recently got a divorce from my wife; that i had been with for 15 years of my life (almost half of my whole life,and all of my adult life.  I skipped the whole dating era of my life that most guys get, i found my wife to be at the age of 19 and never imagined myself of the dating market ever to be honest. 32 and there i was back in my hometown and single with nothing to show for the past 15 years except a wedding band tan line and pictures, the houses, cars, the businesses, and the money were no longer a possession i would ever see again. My natural reaction to pain and rejection my whole life has been to self medicated, and since the loss of my health insurance from my ex wife’s work i was no longer able to afford the pain doctors or meds that i had grown dependent on through 10 years of daily use and through 2 L4 L5 spine surgeries. I was quick witted, but had i been smarter and stronger i would gladly take back that day. i self medicated and got on a dating website....the worse day of my life.  I went from a genius of a woman, a cpa and on track to become a partner at any firm she wanted.  She made 6 figures and we didnt stress for money all that much really, not a girl you’d find on pof. That was her, not me.  I had owned tattoo shops and worked the tattoo industry for the past 13 years of our life together. I had no idea of how to live life starting from nothing, she was smart, she took the money i made selling my first house that we were on a joint account the minute i left town...smart. 

I had a computer and street drugs. 32 and here i was being a fucking teenager again, this time it was more pathetic.  Lowest point in my life... until now.

THIS PAGE WILL USE TEXT FROM LESLIE STATON AND THE CREATURE THAT HIDES WITHIN AND DIFFERENT TIMES SHE HAS THREATENED ME WITH EITHER DEATH OR IMPRISONMENT.  AT THIS POINT IM HAPPY IT WASN’T THE SCISSORS SHE PREVIOUSLY THREATENED TO STAB MY HEART WITH EITHER WHILE FUCKING OR WHILE SLEEPING. IN THIS BLOG I WILL USE HER TEXT FROM ME OR OTHERS SHE KNEW *HER MOM AND FAMILY AND FRIENDS* BUT ALL COMING FROM OTHERS THEMSELVES *not just my thoughts on why i believe she set me up, so to be clear, set me up for not only jail, but to make others around her that she had blown off for years to be with me to think i was crazy and she was somehow being held against her will by my tyrannical rule?  

HOPEFULLY I WILL SHOW BY USING HER TEXT TO ME THAT THE ONLY ONE WITH POWER IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS HER AND ALWAYS HER.

[anything-advice-blog]

Betrayal

It has been over two days since I ask for advice and I didnt get an answer, but because I don’t want to have to tell myself that even such a special webside doesn’t care I will try again with another Problem. (I am sorry, if that sounds a little aggressive I am not in a good mood, because depression hits in again.) 

This is gonna me a short long/version of my life so far, so I am sorry. So my best friend didn’t answer me for days. I tried to call her, but she didn’t answer and then she told me today (in short) “Oh, sorry. Phone is broken and i didn’t get an answer, so I thought we were through.” Last time we spoke about it, I said, if she doesn’t contact me, it will only make things worse and I only want her to contact me ones in a while, because I can understand that she does not really like to get on her phone, but the last few months, even if something was urgent like “I had to leave home again, because my parents freaked out again, can we talk” I received an answer hours later “Oh no! What happened” told her , hours later “well that is terrible”, she said she understands and our friendship is important, so she will do it next time and be more alarmed again but she didn’t and then she said “well thought we were through” after begging me to forgive her and I didn’t even hesitate, because she is important to me. But after today I gave up, I simply gave up, because it is the same with everyone. I have never had someone who didn’t betray or blame me at some point. My mother alsways told my father when I got a bad grade, if they had a fight, so I would receive his anger, because she knew that he would scream at me for having an 2-/B- and lower. My father interpreted things I said about my mother in a negative way for example “You know, when I move out I cant always come home, if mom has a little cut on her finger” (my mom is easily overreacting) and he told her that I said if she needs help I won’t come home, because I don’t give a shit about her. Even now, I just say something basic for example “I will come help in a second, just have to finish my text” they will get all worked up about it, scream at me for things I seem to have done months ago, tell me I am stupid, a bitch, that it is no wonder I have no friend and more things. When I call my grandma so that I can leave it gets worse and I am called a good-for-nothing piece of shit and they basically throw me out and tell me “Get out, sneaky lowlife” or something like this. I grew up with her girl (J) whos father was my father’s friend, she always tried to screw me over and to make others hate me while saying that she is my “best friend”. In elementary school I was friends with 3 other girls that made friends with me then made fun of me with the whole class. Then they said they were sorry and they did it over and over and over again. One time they actually waited for my birthday and chanted with everybody “no one like you” etc. After elementary school my other new friends only used me, but didn’t want to do anything out of school. I met my best friend short after and another “friend” (M).   My best friend had to leave school due to her grades so I stayed friends with the other girl (M) and we met another girl (L) with her we became really good friends, then we met new people (K & V) and we became a small groupe, but then (L) introduced me to a guy (D) to hook me up and he was really nice, but I didn’t develop any special feelings, we still hung out a lot. I still talked to J sometimes and she thought I dated him, but I didn’t care. Suddenly L started to avoid me and at some point V too. Then I met V and she ask in the most faked voice I have ever heard “Have you seen D’s girlfriend? She is soooooooooooooo cute. ” Immediately, I knew what was going on. J had told L what she thought, L got jealous and told everybody I was mentally ill and lost myself in this fantasie that he would love me. I dumped V for betraying me, though SHE was the one angry. “WHAT?! I haven’t done something wrong?! Why are you such a bitch?! Fuck off!" But I forgave L, because I knew she would make my life hell, if I didn’t though I had to apologize. Then L fell for a guy I knew was flirting with every girl, using them, having fun with his new trophies. Just told her to be careful and what he did, suddenly I had a shitstorm coming "Why the fuck do you think you have the right to tell me whom to love?! I don’t want be in any contact with "someone like you” ! “ "WHAT?! I haven’t done something wrong?! Why are you such a bitch?! Fuck off!"  Same thing, I apologized, found out they had sex in school and he dumped her right after and praised himself, to be honest…the time I found out I just laughed. I don’t know if this makes me a terrible person or not, but I didn’t feel empathy just satisfaction. K also betrayed me, called me her best friend. I found had to find out through L that she way dating someone and when I asked her why she didn’t tell me she said:  "WHAT?! I haven’t done something wrong?! Why are you such a bitch?! Fuck off!" This sommer though, I had enough. I do not only suffer from depression, but also panic attacks, because my father screamed at me everytime I got sick and called me and still calls me a psycho and a failure when I get sick or have a panic attack. We went on a trip to London and they said they would be there for me, but L made friends with another girl and didn’t really pay any attention. M was pissed at me the first they we got there, because there was only one for a single person, the others were for groups and I normally give up everything to make someone happy, but I needed it, because of my panic attacks. M though wanted it, because she wanted a room for herself, some peace that is it. So I was in my room being scared and all while they made plans without me. Wanted to go to a musical A, asked me, I said "No, thank you, but if you somehow want to see B or C I would gladly go with you.” They said “No problems” didn’t get any cards for A so they went in B without me. Ignored me, if I wanted to talk to them etc. Before the trip we decided to go in a fancy restaurant on one day. Nobody told me when, I took a shower, they wanted to pick me up and I had to decline, because I wasn’t ready and I was pissed, but:  "WHAT?! I haven’t done something wrong?! Why are you such a bitch?! Fuck off!“ . So they started to ignore and make plans without me for real, I ask L that she shouldn’t be like that she told me "So what? I don’t care.” I went to M asked her to at least talk to me once in a while. She bitched at me that she would and only asks L something from time to time. I didn’t say anything, but asked her to come to my room for at least a few minutes once in a while and she basically blamed me that I wanted to shut her in with me, to take her freedom just because I couldn’t do anything. So I cut L off, because school is about to end, talked less and less with M till we didn’t exchange a word anymore, but I know that she also thinks  "WHAT?! I haven’t done something wrong?! Why are you such a bitch?! Fuck off!“, because I can see her anger. Now, I cut off my best friend too and you know… having to face so many betrayals and "WHAT?! I haven’t done something wrong?! Why are you such a bitch?! Fuck off!” I start to question myself, because people seem to trust others more than me, people they knew screwed others over, nobody trusts me and if I say something they just throw me away and look/ act as if I am a the lowest, just scum. I myself do not know if I am able to trust anyone anymore. This is not my only scar/ problem, but at least some part of it. Am I terrible? Did I deserve this? I have to be the bad person here, because not everyone can be bad except me. I don’t know what to think anymore. I do not have any friends left. This is why I have to do this here. I just feel terrible.

*********************************************************************************

Hun, I feel so sad reading your submission and I am so sorry you are going through this. First let me explain the delay. There are only a few admins that answer submissions so we are behind but hiring more people so we can get current. I think you can tell from our answers that we really do care. And, I care about you and what you are going through. You have so much going on. So much negative. You need some positive in your life.  We can’t always rely on others to bring us happiness. And, though we should be able to have a good foundation and stability at home, that doesn’t always happen either. You feel depressed because you feel alone. You have crap that you need to lean on someone. This is natural. And, you haven’t found it with the group of people in your life.

You said you had submitted previously. Did you get an answer to that submission? We work from oldest ask to newest so you probably did. Do a search with some keywords to find it. Still, I’d like to talk here some more.

My dad used to always tell me, “The rest of the world can’t be wrong and you’re right!” So, when you said that at the bottom of your message, it hit home. It has nothing to do with who is right or wrong. It has to do with respecting someone’s feelings. Unfortunately, some people really suck at that. Also, it is very hard to do self-inventory of strengths and weaknesses. I feel you have more perspective than your friends. You can see things that they may want to ignore. Do you think you are different than most of the people you meet? If so, in what way? Are you more outspoken? Expect more from a friendship? Do you usually follow so people expect that from you and when you speak up they get mad because you are supposed to be a follower in their minds? I am trying to figure out how you see yourself and how your family and friends see you. Well, I won’t be able to here but you can do it on your own. Dig in. Maybe get a notebook or journal. I think if you are very honest with yourself, you will see where the problem lies. Don’t assume it is you. It is good to see our faults, but usually it is that we are misunderstood by others. It is too easy to snap on someone. It is harder to be patient.

I’d like to see you get a calmer home life, too. When you have so many people lashing out, losing patience, and quitting on each other, it seems impossible to rise above it. So, we dwell on the unfairness and it brings us even lower.

So let me ask, when you wrote that emotional message to us, did you feel better getting it off your chest? If so, I have an idea. Can you imagine if no matter what is going on with others around you, YOU become the person that smiles all the time? YOU are the one that always says only nice things about others. And, YOU are the one that refuses to be a target because you let things roll off your back? It will take some work on your part but if life is a journey, wouldn’t you want your path to go there?

Let’s start with this: Every day, you write a letter about what sucks right now. And you tell whomever you want in writing, “WHAT?! I haven’t done something wrong?! Why are you such a bitch?! Fuck off!" Buuuuut, when you close that journal, that secret journal that has your real feelings, that’s the end of it until the next time you write. For the rest of the day, you will look at everything positively. Your parents are fighting? They try to pull you in? You smile and say, “I really don’t want involved.” They pounce on you for that, you say, “Yes, I’m sorry. I truly am trying to do better.” Same thing with your friends.

Breast cancer patients call it “Fake it ‘till you make it.” Those positive feelings will start to thread their way through you and things will start to look different to you. You will be putting yourself above all the pettiness and negativity.

Now, you have depression and panic attacks. Are you seeing a mental health professional? Will your folks understand if you want to go? I highly recommend it. Depression is tough and I’d like to see you get support from somewhere. If your folks won’t allow it, when school starts, talk to the guidance counselor. I’m sure all this effects your grades and focus.  Help would be so nice, wouldn’t it?

Ok. Listen, my name is Tracey. I am going to post that I’m available for live chat several times the next couple of weeks.  I hope you see this message and visit me in chat. I’m here most mornings and occasionally an evening.

I’m here for ya, hun. And, I need you to work the solution. It’s okay to think about the problem but now it’s time to spend more energy on the solution, k?

Alright, hang in there.

Tracey