#though do bear with me. April has not been a kind month.) | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

alrightbuckaroo · 1 year ago

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Thanks for the tags @jesuisici33, @strandnreyes, and @reyesstrand!

Rules: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones you're most excited about.

Bear with me, this is a long one, most are listed under the cut

January

wedding bell blues

“I mean, how do we even bring it up?” Marjan asks, eyebrows furrowed. “Hey, sorry your engagement fell apart, by the way we brought Catan.” She shrugs. “Seems a little less than empathetic.”

leave all your worries on the dance floor

“Oh my god,” TK’s eyes widen. “Do I have two left feet?”

Carlos smiles sympathetically, “Baby, I thought you knew.”

you go your way I'll go your way too

“You sure you don’t want anything else to eat?” TK looks down at the bottle of water in Carlos’ hand. Carlos is sitting across from him, they’re in the sleeping quarters away of the firehouse away from everyone. Carlos hasn’t stopped thinking about it; he’s barely thinking about anything else right now. It’s at the forefront of his mind, begging to be let out. “Yeah, I’m fine, I already ate.” He doesn’t realize his slip up until he sees TK set his bag of chips down. “So you weren’t here for lunch.” TK’s using the voice he uses when he’s not mad, just confused.

February

we’re a match, in every way that matters

Carlos and TK are made for each other; they always kind of have been. Even if they didn't realize it at first.

when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing; remember this.

TK wakes up and Carlos isn't there; he doesn't know how he's lived like this before.

here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten

Carlos had spent years suppressing the feeling he never had a name for. Then he met TK Strand.

your love is sweet like sugar

TK wakes up to Carlos making breakfast. It's his first time waking up in Carlos' apartment, but he hopes it's not the last.

what is a promise if not your hand in mine?

TK might not wake up, and Carlos can’t even hold his hand. TK might not wake up, and all Carlos wants to do is hold his hand.

a shoulder to sigh on

Carlos has always carried it well; but that doesn't mean he has to carry it alone.

March

the music stopped but we went on dancing

Carlos has waited and waited for a day like today; but of course, something had to go oh so wrong.

you can count on me; i'll be there

Carlos is dealing with the stress of trying to become detective; TK becomes his biggest cheerleader any way that he can.

will you bee mine?

Carlos is teaching his third grade class when he gets stung by a bee; now it seems he has no choice but to finally visit the new school nurse, TK Strand.

some like it hot

TK is determined to win the fifth annual chili cook-off; the only person standing in his way is his long-time culinary rival, Carlos Reyes.

you drive me wild

TK has to ask Carlos if he can borrow the thing most precious to him. His car.

our love’s a protective poison

Gwyneth Morgan loves her son; that is an uncontested fact. Tyler Kennedy Stand is his father’s son; that is also, an uncontested fact. Gwyn loves her son, even though he has a tendency to act just like his father. Gwyn loves her son, even when he has a tendency to act just like his father.

i love you; i want us both to eat well

“How do you tell someone you love that they’re not good at something?” Carlos asks Nancy and Mateo. “I don’t know,” Mateo shrugs. “Nancy’s good at everything.” “Aw,” Nancy croons. “Babe, you’re so good at telling the truth.”

April

you've made so very happy

TK stabs his fork into a leafy green. “That was my friend, Cash. We’re having our high school reunion next month and one of the planning committee members dropped out last minute. He asked if I could fill in.” “You’re going to your high school reunion?” Marjan asks, wiping her fingers on her napkin. “You have a friend named Cash?” Paul is quick to follow up, both clearly focused on different things.

home is wherever i'm with you

Carlos says, “I love you” in so many different ways, and TK loves each and every one of them.

when life gives the lemons

Carlos starts, "So, I was in the neighborhood." TK’s eyebrows furrow, confused by what his husband is doing. “Carlos we’re married, we live together, this is our neighborhood. Why wouldn't you be here?” “Just go with it, babe.” Carlos says through a tired smile or TK is helping Jonah sell lemonade during a hot summer day. They're not having any luck with customers until Carlos decides to walk by.

this side of paradise

“It’s just, it’s our honeymoon.” Carlos explains. “Oh,” He can hear Grace perk up on the other end. “Where did you two decide to go? Cancun, Bali, Tuscany?” Grace draws out the y of Tuscany, hoping that’ll be the answer. “That’s the thing,” Carlos admits, “We haven’t.” “Oh.” He can hear Grace slightly deflate on the other end.

all my blood for the sweetness of his laugh

TK laughs and it sounds genuine and true. Carlos can’t help but smile, he feels like the sun has cracked open inside him. He feels a warmth inside himself that’s hot to the touch.

hooked on you

“Nancy,” Nancy looks up at the call of her name. TK is standing in front of her, both hands on his hips. Nancy releases a thin sigh. “Oh no.” Nancy knows what that pose means. TK’s upset. After finishing off the last sip of her coffee, Nancy asks. “What’s wrong?” “I’m upset.” TK announces as he takes space in the empty seat next to her.

May

i'd wait a million years for you

If you had told TK Strand that he would be marrying the love of his life in a place like Austin, Texas, he would have looked at you like you’d grown a second head. If you had told him that he would propose in the middle of the night, bed head and all, he would laugh and ask you, “Who do you think I am?”

June

anger has told me her real name is grief

Carlos is letting his grief manifest into anger; no matter how much he doesn't want it to.

a little taste of love

TK Strand, a florist working for the renowned flower shop, Bloom With a View, can't take his eyes off of Carlos Reyes, a baker working at Cake My Day, the bakery across the street.

July

as cute as a button

Andrea is taking TK down memory lane and they come across a koala named Kique, who happens to be missing one button eye.

we're a batch made in heaven

Carlos misses TK; so he does what he always does. Makes cookies.

August

all's fair in love and lizards

Love comes in many shapes and forms; and sometimes, that form is a stuffed novelty toy at a carnival game

summer slipped us underneath her tongue

TK Strand is a freshly heartbroken art history student who's been given the opportunity of a lifetime; studying art in the heart of it all, Paris, France. However, he thinks it's a cruel taunt from the universe. He's studying what he loves so much in the city of love but is stuck thinking there's no one out there who loves him. Carlos Reyes is a career driven culinary student studying at Le Cordon Bleu. He has hard time maintaining relationships, an even harder time of detaching himself from his work and and has an awful habit of doubting everything about himself. After a night out that they end up sharing with each other; they agree to keep any and all things casual. Well, like most things, that's easier said than done.

November

29 Going on 30

During a trip to New York City to celebrate TK turning 30, TK and Carlos stumble upon a list of things TK always wanted to do before he turned 30, all of them being references to romantic comedies he loved so much growing up. While TK is fine with leaving the past in the past, Carlos thinks there's no better time than the present. He thinks that TK deserves to feel the same type of love he loved watching on the silver screen, so he devotes the rest of their trip to just that. Told through a tale filled with everlasting love, a never-ending trek across New York City and the occasional painful reminder of the past, Carlos learns a little more about the city TK once called home and TK learns a little more about himself.

December

it was love at first sight

Carlos thinks love at first sight is nonsensical. Then he locks eyes with TK Strand.

the moment my heart fell

Carlos has never been more in love and it scares him. Each and every day, Carlos finds himself falling that much harder and he’s worried that one day he’ll reach the ground and never know how to get up again.

my world deeply stained by the color of you

Everything's vibrant, sparkling as if it's the debut of a color TK's never seen before. Pale grey doesn't cast over everything the way it used to and TK's afraid to close his eyes at the risk of never seeing the world's colors this way ever again.

no pressure tagging: @carlos-in-glasses, @lemonlyman-dotcom, @heartstringsduet, @freneticfloetry, @lightningboltreader, @orchidscript, @three-drink-amy, @bonheur-cafe, @ambiguouspenny, @never-blooms, @theghostofashton, @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @sanjuwrites, @wandering-night19, @thisbuildinghasfeelings, @rmd-writes , @welcometololaland and open tag to anyone who wants to share :)

#tag you're it #my writing

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 7 months ago

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6 month solstice/full moon check-in livejournalstyle

youtube

So i've been advised to recap the past 6 months. Especially since this current Capricorn full moon is exacting at 1 degree Capricorn which happens to be the same degree as My Ascendant. (Pinkmoondoll number 1 :@!!!!!)

The Cancer full moon happened at around 5 degrees on december 26th 2023. That is my ex's birthday. On winter solstice 2023, exactly 6 months ago, i cut her out of my life. We were already broken up for a long time before that but i continued to let her stay in my life for a few reason, namely guilt & fear. Guilt because of the emotional turmoil she projected onto me & fear because, well, we are married and i didn't know what would happen to my immigration status if i cut her off. I still don't! This has not changed yet.

Pretty much everything else about me & my life has changed though. internally at least. Having her out of my life has allowed me so much freedom to get back to who i am & live with integrity. The only people left in my life now are ones who are respectful, kind, have their own shit going on, appreciate that i am my own person too, allow me to breathe, don't expect anything specific from me, don't toy with my mind & emotions. They are just glad to let me be who i am. No one tries to control me anymore. i feel so wonderful because no one can control me.

So the past 6 months has been a series of stages of getting back to Me. unraveling all the lies i was fed for years, healing from the pain of being manipulated, feeling that so much of my energy was wasted. Truly truly wasted. i'm not one of those people who can live without regrets lol. i wish i broke free so much sooner, the stress destroyed my health for years. But ultimately, this is how it went down, so i strive towards acceptance.

For the first few months of this year i was really on a huge substance abuse kick! im not gonna specify what, but iykyk. Like i really just could not bear the weight of what i was feeling. Every day i was finding out more and more info about lies i'd been told, stuff happening behind my back. All i could rly do was take pills & tunnel vision into ableton or drawing or whatever. it helped repress my emotions & i got a lot done during this time but it was unhealthy & the more it progressed i saw how unsustainable it was.

around spring equinox shit HIT THE FAN e_e So this would be the quarter year mark. Well it was march 15 when denji ate the ziploc bag and had to get emergency obstruction removal surgery. That immediately halted all projects i was working on. I was still taking a lot of pills to cope with the stress of that situation & at that point i needed them just to function at a base level. Then i think april 4th or 5th was when i found out Sammy died, which...i mean yeah i've spoken a lot on how horrific that was & still remains to be.

I mean , like, that shit, rearranged my whole brain, that shit reset me. this also marked the time period where like... my psychic senses really began evolving. idt it was necessarily linked to sammy's death, it just weirdly shifted around that time. i think the lunar eclipse in late march caused some type of quantum leap idk man idek. Then the solar eclipse in april sealed the deal. Ever since then the craziest stuff that i cant even rly talk about has been happening to me & i immediately felt compelled to like, quit all drugs and just fucking ascend lol.

Sooo first i started w pill numero uno, the really diabolical one, middle of april i just said fuck it, i am done. at this point i had abused it so hard it wasnt even doing shit for me anymore, even when i took tolerance breaks, it was genuinely pointless to continue. i did wonder how the fuck i was ever gonna function without it and i was scared. The final few weeks of april were just a total write off, didnt do shit, totally depressed & grieving & miserable but weirdly hopeful too. Like i knew i just had to suffer and get it over with.

pill 2 was actually pretty easy to cut back on because ive quit it a bunch of times before & know what to expect, and since i was already suffering so bad from pill 1 after about a week i thought yeah i might as well stop the other one too lol. there was no noticable increase in suffering from stopping it. So by the 2nd week of May it had been around 3 weeks of feeling like pure ass but i was starting to feel WAYYYY better and my normal goofy self again.

That is the worst thing about adhd meds for me lol they robbed me of my whimsy and goofiness T_T Like i was so serious all the time T_T it was even kinda affecting my relationship w slimbo. Like i couldnt be affectionate i was just a robot. All i cared about was working and i was so impatient. As i came off the meds i started to remember how nice it is to just be slow, be in the moment, enjoy simple things with my love, not constantly bound to this gnawing neurosis pushing me to squeeze maximum productivity out of every single second.

like i said , i'm 1 degree cap rising sooo this neurosis is something that exists firmly within my personality, for sure. i mean, if u cant tell, I Be Doing Things lol. And i get very competitive with myself. the dark side of me is that i want to be the best at everything. A big part of my adult life has been learning how to relax. learning how to have fun, learning how to be a little pointless. Without the meds this is a struggle for me so with the meds it was genuinely impossible not to be completely controlled by the rabid impulse to work.

So getting off the meds was a big exercise in confronting my fear of Not being the best. my fear of chilling, my fear of being still & unoccupied. But i did it! And i feel so much better. Like holy shit, i feel SO much better.

By the mid-May i was picking up steam in just being able to live again. a lot of the brainfog & physical heaviness lifted. I was still not very productive at art or music, but i was getting really good at not letting that bug me. spending a lot of time working in the garden, got back into yoga, reading, just doing leisurely stuff that felt expansive to my inner world rather than trying to externalize anything. psychic experiences continued to amplify. became interested in tarot again as i no longer felt i was living in fear of my higher self.

after getting off the pills i began feeling really fixated on the notion of quitting weed. Previously this had been genuinely unthinkable to me. Like, me and weed, we were One, every person i'd ever been as an adult had smoked weed, it was weirdly part of my identity, for 15 years i genuinely believed i could not exist without weed, like i would just lose my fucking mind if i stopped. i did not believe in myself.

But as the psychic experiences progressed i felt strongly that i want to go deeper. Previously i had been afraid to go deeper. In that regard i think i was truly afraid of my own potential. I wasn't ready for it, and that's actually fine. A lot of people aren't.. But as May was coming to a close i knew that i was ready, and actually, it was crucial of me to put an end to this. I was enjoying finally having some sense of peace & joy after how crummy it felt quitting the pills , i didn't really want to disturb that state of being, but i also was having that feeling again that i just need to "get it over with".

So when it struck June 1st i was like yeah fuck it. Let this mark a new beginning. as soon as i realize something is no longer in my best interest its almost impossible for me to keep going with it! like i can't live with myself. I guess that's where my fixation on being "the best" can serve me sometimes. if that makes sense.. Like i willllll always end up putting my foot down and saying NO :T

So yeah. it's recent enough that i don't really feel the need to detail how the first 2 weeks of june were sooooo sucky and emotional and generally dysfunctional. couldn't even read or draw or do any minor tasks i was sooo out of my mind. Not much needs to be said about it. i just had to simply allow time to pass. a lot of days spent in bed crying & dissolving.

right around the 2 week mark we went to missouri & this is when i started noticing myself feeling way way better. the whole time i didn;t even think about weed or my symptoms at all. i was so present in each moment and it was so easy to just feel....alive. also had some intense psychic experiences, one of which i haven;t even talked about on here, and i probably wont because its too sacred. The overarching theme between all the experiences i've been having since late march is that they feel too sacred to tell anyone. The high priestess emphasizes secrecy in some matters..

Which brings us to now, june 21, 21 days w/o weed, 3 weeks. I know that sounds like nothing but this has been 15 YEARS coming. that's half my lifespan so far. and now i just feel fine. i got thru the blues of quitting, all the repressed emotions, im sure they'll still pop up from time to time too. but ultimately i am just so fucking relieved to be free of that shit and like, functioning, able to sleep, not riddled with anxiety and self hatred like i was when i started as a grieving baby teenager.

i guess i wanted to write this to remind myself what a monumental shift i have made in my life in the first half of 2024, and how insanely far i've come in the grand scheme of my life, in a relatively short timespan. because i keep getting this feeling of self doubt where i'm like wait... it's almost july and i've barely completed any tasks, i still havent finished my music, wtf am i doing :( But i dont think i was supposed to finish it until i shed all these habits that were causing major roadblocks in my path!

shed my ex, shed pills, shed weed. shed grief! shed self doubt. emptied my vessel & it has allowed room for so much new life to come through. new forces being channeled. my mediumship abilities now are in focus and taking off at an accelerated rate. for the first time in my life i'm not in survival mode. i feel this is my reward for living through it all when i wanted nothing more than to give up for so many years. i prayed for death, every day, i really did. now i am dead! the old me died. and i carry her memory with honor, i carry on the parts of her that wished to remain and be loved, but she is effectively dead.

for the first time in my life i am really proud of myself. i don't feel so competitive with myself anymore. i don't need to prove myself externally. i do not require any validation of my existence. i can sit with myself without feeling extreme self induced dread & despair. i feel worthy even though i am still (from the outside looking in) at the exact same place i was at 6 months ago.

i'm finally feeling ready to work a little harder again, but not because i'm desperate to gain anything from it. just because it's fun, and fundamentally, as stated above, that drive is a part of my personality, a part of me that i love & cherish. number 1 is the magician. the mage patchouli ~~~ the alchemist. create for the sake of creating.

if anyone read this far, thats wild xD but thats dope too.. I guess one thing i'd like for the future is just to inspire people that you can alchemize the tragedies of your life and all the suffering into something much greater than yourself. You can get through it and be happy with your meager little life one day, even if it takes 30 or 40 years, it's worth it to try & worth it to get here. You do not have to wallow in sadness and self doubt forever, even if u see no way out rn.

i'm happy just being me ^_^ i have so much fun when i'm in my mind. bladee voice ~~be in your mind, be in your mind, be in your mind~~. i love how simple everything feels right now. i love how people & entities can come to me because they trust me to receive their messages & understand them. My own projections do not get in the way anymore. I shed so much. I am free. Happy Strawberry Moon everyone.

SIncerely, PMD9

#LONG AS FUCK post i dont expect anyone to read #tis just for my own purposes / future me ^_^

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justinewt · 4 months ago

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Meet Emily Holt - AS DUSK FALLS REWRITE OC

[AS DUSK FALLS - MASTERLIST]

Do not use my character without my consent thanks <3

warning: any arts and pictures you’ll see are not mine (I found them on pinterest) and I chose instagram model (insert actor)celeb used) to portray my oc, Emily is a character 100% created by me, Justine but the style of the bio has been inspired by (insert fic universe) wiki and bios made by director Guillermo Del Toro <3

words: 2k

EMILY CHARLOTTE HOLT bio by me

INFORMATIONS

DATE OF BIRTH: around late April 1980

AGE: In May 1998, Emily is freshly 18. She’s about about a month younger than Jay.

(Tyler is 25, so born sometime in September 1973; Dale is 21, born in mid-April 1977 – Dale and Emily are exactly 3 years and 1 week apart – and Jay is 18, born in around March 1980.)

ZODIAC SIGN/MBTI TYPE: Taurus/ISFJ

(headcanons for her family members: I feel like Tyler is ESTJ, so probably a virgo, Dale is ESTP/Aries and Jay INFP/Pisces)

SEX: Female

NATIONALITY: American

ORIGINS: British (mainly)

OCCUPATION: High school Student at Bridgeley High (1994-1998, she graduated just a month before it all went down)

SKILLS: Horse riding and she was very handy, given she always wanted to work in the barn with her brothers

HOBBY: Horse riding, listening to music and hanging out with her brothers

CHARGES (if she was arrested/went to prison): Conspiracy (12 months of imprisonment); Complicit to burglary (class 3 felony) and guilty of 3rd degree burglary (3 years and 6 months of imprisonment); Complicit to hostage taking with no criminal intent, charged as Class 1 misdemeanour (6 months of imprisonment)

POSSIBLE TIME IN PRISON: minimum 5 years (if arrested, Tyler gets the death penalty if arrested, spends 14 years on death row before being executed in 2012, and if caught, Jay gets the same sentence but his death sentence is commuted to a life sentence without parole)

FAMILY

PARENTS: She’s the only daughter and youngest biological child of Sharon and Bear Holt

SIBLINGS: She has two older brothers, Tyler and Dale, and Jay, though they’re technically cousin.

RELATIVES: Brooke, her mother’s younger sister, Deceased. And unnamed paternal family members; mention of her deceased grandfather.

FRIENDS: Her best friend was the unnamed younger sister of Jessica (Dale’s crush)

EARLY LIFE: Emily was born in late April 1980, exactly 3 years and 1 week after Dale, and exactly one month after Jay, on the same day. So, when he was born and his mother, Sharon’s sister and Emily’s aunt died, and Sharon adopted him, she passed him as her daughter’s fraternal twin and raised her two oldest to consider him their sibling. While Dale and Tyler, their older brothers, grew up treating him as such, they both knew the truth, though Tyler, being older, was more aware of it. Emily was kept in the dark by her mother and learned about it way later.

Their brothers, Tyler and Dale, were respectively 7 and 3 years older than the “twins”. Both helped raising and caring for them, but essentially Tyler as most of the responsibility to care and protect his siblings fell on him as he was the eldest. Dale was very playful, and much more careless and tempestuous so Tyler also had to deal with him, on top of everything else, and was somewhat of a bully towards Jay, at some point using a BB gun on him. He teased him way more than he did Emily because when he did, Tyler would kick his ass (metaphorically speaking, or not), so he contented himself with making jokes. Sometime after Emily was born, Sharon let an almost 8-year-old Tyler hold his baby sister and it seemed to form some kind of bond already as he never forgot how she looked at him with her big eyes and smiled. He grew up to be very protective of his family but even more so of his sister, being on the contrary, quite distant and unaffectionate towards Jay, though he did care for him as well. But throughout their lives, he seemed to subtly, or not, make Jay understand that he cared more about Emily, as if he wasn't as much family.

Until she entered high school, Emily’s favourite brother was beyond the shadow of doubt, Tyler. He raised her and Jay since they were babies and kept Dale from teasing her, teaching her valuable skills, making her grow up to be someone very handy and skilful. She never realized that he felt some resentment and jealousy towards them still, but mostly towards Jay as he knew he wasn’t his biological brother and more or less subconsciously held it against him. He knew everything about his younger siblings, how they kept a squirrel as a pet when they were young, and he knew before she told anyone that she started liking grunge music when she was 11 or 12. For her 12th birthday, he got her the Nevermind album from Nirvana and a CD player, which she ended up sharing with Jay. He didn’t get such gifts for either of his brothers. She already idolized Tyler since she was a child, but he had officially become her favourite brother. At the time, and because she was too young to work, and they weren’t exactly rich, she wanted to find a way to get some money to get herself a pair of Converse, to do like Kurt Cobain so Tyler got her to help him fix things around the house and do chores and a month later, he came home with a box and gave her a pair of black converse, which she started wearing 24/7 at school.

She had a rocky relationship with her father and was quite scared of him for a while, mainly because he could get violent when drunk and hit their mother sometimes and would hit Tyler and Dale too when they got in the middle. But when she was younger, maybe 8 or so, he one day brought home some rabbit he had caught and she wouldn’t listen to him and sit down because she wanted to go play outside with Jay but also because she didn’t want to skin the animal, so he smacked her across the face, bringing her to tears and she ran off. She hid in the barn, in a corner, curled up and quietly crying, until Tyler, then 15-year-old, found her. He had a bruise on his cheek, and she cried even more and asked if he got hit because of her. He dismissed her worries and got her to come out and help him somewhere else on the property. At dinner, her father awkwardly apologised, coming up with excuses and empty words, talking a lot but basically saying nothing, and she just nodded, not really saying anything. She already didn’t trust her father, or feel safe around him, but she certainly wouldn’t after that. After that event, Dale would always crack jokes and used the fact that he was always teasing Jay to make her laugh. He very lightly teased her too but with Tyler watching her, he never went as far as he did with Jay. She was definitely Tyler’s favourite too. The first memory he had with her was her smiling at him as a baby, so he hated seeing her cry. He was as protective of his mother as he was of his sister.

When she and Jay entered High school, they quickly found out how well-known their family actually was in that school, because all four Holt kids went there and the parents too back in the day. During their first year, Tyler was already 21 and very much working and Dale was already out of school, having dropped out about a year prior, and he would come pick them up everyday when Tyler couldn’t. Jay and Emily were in the same classes, so they were always together but as the freshman year went on, she made friends with other people in some of the classes they didn’t share, though always trying to include Jay in the group, but he went back to staying alone. By the end of the first semester, she had ditched her new friends and preferred to hang out with her brother, though she had kept one good friend, another girl from the group she hung out with and one boy that she liked. The two siblings began being isolated by their classmates. They would often call Jay a “weirdo” or “loser” and she would defend him. She acted exactly like Tyler did with their mom. She almost got into a fight with a couple of other kids at the school and after telling Tyler, he basically scolded her - more out of worry for her than actual anger - and told her not to get into any fights and not act like Dale, which for some reason made her want not to listen to him.

She began to act as Jay’s protector at school and it emboldened her, she was more rebellious, and it reflected in her relationship with her dad. She started to test his limits, which was probably not the best idea as he would get mad and try to hit her, but she often managed to dodge and run away, Tyler and Dale getting hit in her place, which she felt bad for. She began to think Tyler hated her because she realized he was more distant. In the beginning of the second half og her freshman year of high school, she met again a boy who was in the friend group she had temporarily joined in her first year, but he had developed a crush for her. She reciprocated his feelings and they shared a kiss. He asked her out and one week-end, Emily lied, saying she was going for a girl's pajama party as her best friend's house when really, she was going to the arcade with her boyfriend. The next morning, Sharon told Tyler to go get his sister and when he got to Emily's friend house and she wasn't there, he asked to use the landline to call his mom and told him. Sharon told him to drive around town and come home. He came home half an hour later and she was already there, getting scolded in the kitchen because she didn't want to tell them where she was the night before. At some point, she stood up because she wanted to leave, and accidentally yelled back at her mom and her dad got angrier. He swung his arm in her direction and upon dodging him, she fell against the fridge, curled up, her arms up in front of her face, eyes widened and her whole body shaking like a leaf.

Tyler and Dale got inbetween her and their dad and got hit in her place. Later, she told Tyler where and who she was with the night prior and told him she was with a guy from school. He told her not to lie and she admitted that he was her boyfriend. Dale heard and got worked up knowing a boy "touched her" and she yelled that nobody touched her and it took Tyler shoving him to make him shut up. One day at school, Dale came to pick up his siblings and he saw Emily come out of school with a boy. When she crossed his gaze and saw him, she put a distance between her and the boy but he now knew who her boyfriend was. He walked up to them and beat him up bloody. He was arrested and because he wasn't yet 18, he was sent to juvenile detention. She wouldn't talk to Dale for months after that, and didn't speak to him during the three months he spent in juvie. The boy was transferred to another school and wouldn't talk to her anymore, telling her her brother was a "fucking psycho". By the end of their second year of high school, as they turned 16, Jay dropped out and she really was alone now. She had her best friend left and that was about it for the next two years of high school.

Then, in May 1998, the events of the game happened. She wasn’t supposed to be involved in their plans, but she refused to stay behind, and Tyler agreed to let her come along, on the condition she did exactly as he said.

[AS DUSK FALLS - MASTERLIST]

Published (09/25/2024) by Andrea

#oc #original character #as dusk falls #as dusk falls oc #as dusk falls original character #as dusk falls fanfiction #as dusk falls rewrite #as dusk falls jay #as dusk falls tyler #as dusk falls dale #as dusk falls sharon #jay holt #dale holt #tyler holt #sharon holt #fanfiction #video game fanfiction #original character bio

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topsurgerystuff · 9 months ago

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Okay I’ve never actually posted my own, brand new post on the internet before so I’m kinda nervous but bear with me. I guess I’ll start by putting all my little links and such. I’m sure most people already know about these but fuck it what do I know.

The GALAP is where I got the therapist who gave me the little letter that tells them I’m trans. It’s got a list of therapists who have agreed to give out free letters that iirc are sorted by state. It’s down as of right now but it says they hope to be back up by April 30th 2024. I live in Texas so there was only one for me but she was real cool, she did the evaluation but made it clear that it was only because she legally had to and that she would give me the letter regardless, it was 100% free and it was over telehealth so I didn’t have to go anywhere.

https://www.thegalap.org/need-a-letter/directory

Folx Health does all kinds of stuff. They do gender affirming care as well as just regular doctor shit and they have guys in every state and they take a lot of insurance but their membership is SO GODDAMN EXPENSIVE. If you’re Jeff FUcking Bezoso well here you go I guess.

https://www.folxhealth.com/

Legacy Health is the same as Folx but much more affordable and only in Texas. Sorry if you don’t live in Texas.

https://www.legacycommunityhealth.org/contact-us/

Trans in the South is a directory of all kinds of trans-affirming health and legal service providers. It also has a guide on how to fund your transition and its got a list of grants you can apply for too. Never noticed that before, might do that shit.

https://southernequality.org/resources/transinthesouth/

Trans Legal Aid of Texas has volunteer attorneys that will help you get and do the paperwork to change all your legal info but you gotta live in Texas sorry sorry.

https://translegalaidtx.com/

Also I don’t have a link for them but Dr. Daniel Freet and Dr. Rachel Goldstein did my top surgery at Memorial Hermann. They did a great job, they were so nice to me, they didn’t question my decision at all and the whole experience start to finish was pretty nice. The wait was forEVER but they are really fucking busy and they’re booked like crazy so. Understandable. Unfortunately, the full cost of my surgery is ~$17,000 and my insurance, who initially said they would cover it, decided they would actually wait until we get the bill before deciding to cover it and since the bill arrived they’ve been dead silent but [screaming in agony] its fine. My incision scars are nice and straight, I have very little dog earing going on and its flattened over time. I’m a little chunky so that’s impressive. It’s only been 5 months and I have full mobility, it only took me about 2 months to get there. My nips are a little ugly but they are intact and they are recognizable as nips. More on that in a later post though. Overall, 10/10, would recommend. End post.

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devitalise · 2 years ago

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the end up the month always sneaks up on me, i saw your message and was like "oh she's early I have plentyyy of time!" yet here we are two days into April already AHHHH how were your March reads? & i forget, are you doing a no-buy thing or minimal buying for books? how's that been going 🤨

no literally in my head it's still march the last week has been a complete blur especially with the clocks going forward only just got my bearings. but this is now a nice lil springtime treat so let's get into my

march book wrap up

milk fed by melissa broder

i had a real voraciousness when i read this, i just couldn't get enough. not necessarily the writing, but of rachel. i love her. girls with complicated relationships with their mothers. a very unapologetic read i think, i had to do a bit of googling but i love that Broder didn't shy away from presenting the ideas and themes she set out to do in their fullest forms. kind of let down by the ending at the time of reading, but i can respect what it serves the book on reflection.

music: milk fed playlist review: booksburgersandbackpacks

fight night by miriam toews

kind of laughed as i remembered i read this. went on holiday this month, so picking this as my travelling read felt a bit risky i didn't know if i'd have the time to give this the attention it deserved, or if it'd even grab me. but it did. i loved this book so, so much. crying on a 9pm flight as i'm over the English channel unlocked. shiv i just want to hug you. i'm going to try get the physical version of this, i want the physicality of it so bad. equal parts love letter and biographical in nature, made it onto my top 2023 shelf and idk if i even have the words to do this justice!

music: think this was just my liked songs? podcast: shakespeare & company

things i don't want to know by deborah levy

claxon sounds alarm rings horns blare. i read nonfiction. i've heard real high praise of levy as an author. i don't know if there was any rhyme or reason for picking up part one in her living autobiography series, but i'm realy glad i did. how do you judge a memoir? sorry, your life was boring! in levy's case it wasn't. i appreciate how vulnerable it is to unpick your memories and make sense of them almost 40 years later, to revisit apartheid South Africa and digest what that makes you as a woman now in your 60s. refreshingly candid, some real interesting threads on womanhood, displacement, motherhood and agency in this. will be picking up the next in the series.

music: just some indie pop i think (scared to update spotify i've seen there's no more genre filters in liked songs? what's that about!) no review here did some independent thinking scarily

ok i did finish a book yesterday that i want to count but it hasn't been long enough for my thoughts to settle but i'm going to link everything now before i lose it.

let it come down by paul bowles (technicality)

music: let it come down (not period appropiate but perfect for that kind of restless energy) articles: the international zone: expat writers in tangier, what was the international zone, franco-moroccan war

and that was my march reading! still at a slow and steady pace. i am trying to do a no book buy moment! other than me buying 3 books in march, i've been going pretty strong. might break it though because i've picked out two more books set in tangier also by some of bowle's contemporaries and i really want to explore a setting like that as a wider more Themed block of reading if that makes sense. so i'll be buying naked lunch by william s. burruoughs and in tangier by mohamed chouckri in the next couple of days (in tangier is a memoir)

also amazon sent me a notification like maybe its time for a new kindle! my current one isn't even 2 years old and works perfectly fine i won't be giving in

#book talk #djservo #let it come down has a really good afterword too usually i find them a bit iffy but it was interesting to read #saving thoughts for the april one though

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ifmywishescametrue · 2 years ago

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hi kennedy! i was wondering if you could tell us how this is how you fall in love came to be? as in, how did the idea first come to your mind, and has it changed much since that firts idea? also, i'm really curious about how much time you've been working on it 👀❤️

hi ari! I absolutely can do that, but bear with me because it's long!

I had to scroll through my google doc history to find when it started, but apparently I got on the idea for it on August 23, 2021 lol. I'd forgotten this but I guess it came for an AU bingo that I was sort of doing (but definitely didn't complete). It was supposed to be the College AU square and all the doc had at first was this:

"Idea: pre-serum steve wants to lose his virginity before he graduates from college, doesn't really know tony but asks him to be the one to do it (seems likely he would say yes), turns into friends with benefits, they both catch feelings, mutual pining and all the fun things"

That initial idea didn't go very far until April 2022, when another bingo started and I thought I'd incorporate those squares. I absolutely missed that deadline, so as you can see, there's a recurring theme here of me failing hard at bingos.

But those squares were: virginity, Netflix, Edwin Jarvis, Bronx, Kissing in the Car, Victor von Doom

All of those are hilarious now, because Jarvis and Victor von Doom aren't even mentioned in the final version, and Steve and Tony never end up in the Bronx. But, they started me on an outline that evolved over time and helped a lot.

I wrote really sporadically from April-August 2022, then stopped completely in September-October. I felt like it wasn't turning out very well, so I went to other projects and wrote/posted those instead. When I came back to it, it turned out I actually really liked it.

I think there were 7 or 8 chapters written at the time I came back to it. I edited those, then kept going and so, so much of my initial outline changed. Entire scenes got scrapped, some parts were moved around or combined, and a few minor plotlines disappeared all together. The only major thing I kept from chapters 9-19 was the ending, but it was initially supposed to be 26 chapters, I think.

I didn't know exactly who these characters were at the time I outlined it, though, so it had to change as they developed into themselves. Like, there was supposed to be some plotline for the ~drama~ of Tony showing up at Steve's dorm drunk, because he was upset after a phone call with his mom. But it turned out that this Tony just wouldn't do that after everything I'd already written him to be. So, him talking to Steve about his mom got put into chapter 12 instead to preserve some pre-written dialogue I had, and now there's kind of no real drama between him and Steve specifically. (And I certainly stressed over that for months, for the record, but then I decided that not everything needs angst like that.)

This fic was the first multi-chaptered one that I didn't start posting until it was completely done, so I had more freedom to make changes, but also I kind of thought I might never finish it without the posting pressure lol. It did end up taking almost a year and a half, but I'm really happy with the way it ended up!

And I also may or may not have started writing a companion fic from Tony's pov 👀 and it may or may have 15 planned chapters.

#answered asks #arabellamonkey #thanks for sending this!!

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judeharoldvich · 9 months ago

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Domino effects are so crazy because like your best and oldest friend will drop you on a random day in April and you will think your life is over because you are 20 years old and stupid, and you will spend your summer grieving, loathing yourself because you think everything anyone does is about you because you are 20 and stupid. Until, on a random day in November, you will decide to audition for a show you've made fun of for years for being cringe because you found it when you were 19 and pretentious and now you feel so cynical about the future as well as the present you feel as though you have nothing to lose. So you'll go out on a limb believing wholeheartedly you won't get it but somehow you will get cast as the character you have secretly related to more than any other character in any single piece of media ever created. And you will try not to get too excited because you know from experience that you can be intense and off-putting and you'll be determined not to fuck this up and give anyone any reason to alienate you, so you will go into rehearsals trying desperately to seem mysterious and aloof. But the people there will coax your head out of the sand -- slowly and falteringly, because you've learnt not to take smiles and kind words at face value -- and for a brief period you will think you've fucked it and your life is over (again) because you are 21 and stupid. And then you'll start burrowing back down until a hand on your shoulder pulls you out of the hole and into a hug.

It is in this moment of uncomplicated and sexless intimacy that you will start to re-evaluate all the times someone has reached for you and you've flinched away in terror or disgust, every time you've projected cruelty onto their words because you were raised to believe that anyone with a kind word to say to you is trying to deceive you, every time you've failed to show love and every time you've failed to receive it. And now, every time you start shrinking into yourself thinking, "they're better off without me, i'm not wanted here, i am repellent," they will draw you back out with their gaze, as though as long as they are bearing witness to you, you are a thing of value. And you will watch in disbelief as they bond and love one another so loudly and carelessly, and you will wonder why they aren't guarding themselves, why they're all so reckless with all their declarations. Don't they realise that it could all go away? Won't they feel foolish when it all goes to shit? And the more you hesitate to join them, the more they will want you to -- the more they will make it impossible not to love them, until your heart is so full to bursting that you sink back into despair, because this can only mean trouble. You will convince yourself that the brighter this love burns, the faster it will fade. You will throw yourself into every performance of that role you worked so hard for, knowing on some level this is what has granted you temporary access to these people and these feelings and that the better you do, the more invaluable you'll be. There must be something about you that they admire, and it's unlikely to be good looks or charm, so it must be your skills -- which you at least have some control over. As you perform the song from the show that everyone knows, about a boy who has been abandoned by his smoother, cooler, more popular friend, you will think about the friend you lost in order to access those same feelings of confusion, anger and self-disgust, only to realise that it all feels so far away now in the midst of everything else. So instead you will think about the friendships you are going to lose, undoubtedly, whether that's the day after the show closes or a month or a year or seven years from now, and you will cry onstage in front of your father who's sitting in the front row. When it's over, the audience will applaud, deceived into thinking you are an exceptional actor, and you will go backstage to be met with further praise from your castmates. You will still feel like a fraud. Despite this, you will soak in the warmth of their admiration and think, "I did it. Even if they never speak to me again, I have proven myself. I can die almost happy."

And then it will be almost a month later and you will be at the bar with these people again, and you'll catch yourself still theorising as to when it's all going to end. Will tonight be the last time we see each other? Will this be the last time I hug him, or her, or her, or him? And you'll realise that the thought of it no longer frightens or consumes you. "If I never see them again," you think, "I'm glad to have known them. I'm so privileged to have had this."

But part of you secretly wishes it will never end, because you're still 21 and stupid.

#blah blah blah.txt

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sleeponthephone · 2 years ago

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you watch him go from the label bisexual to lesbian. he comes out to his mom for the first time, and you are so proud. she is kind but says they shouldn't tell his father.

it was the holidays, december and the floor of my father’s apartment. he’d asked for a break over text before the flight. it was in those days, you know? rabbit and carmilla and skype, distance distance distance, videos of him singing to me. I can’t remember how it all went- I think break for a week and then broken up near christmas. lying on an air mattress, scrolling through break-up poetry on instagram, not knowing what else to do, not having anyone to tell. when you have your first heartbreak, I think your mom is supposed to hold you. she chalks it up to teen depression and the sad state of your father living on his own, four months in and still no more furniture than what she helped him move in with.

two weeks later and you’re tentatively back together. text text text all day, imagine he was sitting next to you in french class. he enlists a friend of yours to get you flowers for valentines day; you’ve done the same with his friend and a bear. he sings so beautifully for you, comes out to visit in april and your sister takes some of the most romantic photos of you, stolen moments when your parents aren’t looking. he makes lemon chicken, and you’ll be ordering it the rest of your life and it’ll never taste right, not like his. you tell your cousin together. you take a video, hoodies and guitar and your cat. he leaves. you move houses, tell him you’re excited for him to visit the new one. and your father lives under the same roof again, and his father is still homophobic, makes him change his hair after he cuts it the way he really wants it, even though it made him so happy for a full twelve hours. you have the pictures to compare, happy gushing boy next to disappointed styled-wrong frown.

on your birthday, you go out to lunch with your mother. eldest daughter eldest daughter, sit across the table from her as she lists off all the reasons your sister isn’t really gay. it’s been nearly three years since she came out.

you fly out to see him. june in his state is so brutal. he dresses up for you, makeup and high heels, that green dress. later you won’t remember anything from this trip. you’re so in love with him, stay up together to see the sunrise because you’re trying to stretch out that last day before you go home. he kisses you so many times as he’s getting ready, as he’s leaving for summer school. we had a lot of airport goodbyes, but that one was quiet morning hours, staying behind in his room.

sit here with me, for a moment. (I hope the world is quiet around you for this.) he has a red carpet and a keyboard with a bench. there’s a ceiling fan above his bed. if I close my eyes in a dark room at night, I can still hear the exact noise it makes. there’s a balcony. sit on his bed with me and look out over it. feel it in your body his steps down the stairs, out to the sidewalk, into the car, through the gate, turn right, past “Out of the Closet” (our favorite thrift store), highway highway highway to the school where we met. sit with me in his room on a grey morning. hide the notes between book pages, look at the puzzle you only half-finished together on the floor, run your fingers over the guitar strings, lie on your back and trace the same shapes in the air he liked to make with his fingers. grieve the absence for an hour. then she comes to pick you up and you fly home. this was the last day you’ll ever be in a room with him again.

july is an ugly cry. august is a sore throat. your mother watches beaches with you and you’re just upset after, sit in your own room, and she comes in and you can’t really explain it. she asks if this is about him and you say yes. you say you’re not friends anymore. she has that look on her face. I don’t have to describe it here. she tries to be sympathetic anyways.

it’s years of this. you don’t get to tell her. you squirrel her words away to hunch over later, throw it up in the bathroom with the cereal. your sister has to deal with it out in the open alone, and you feel bad but too afraid to not keep a hand on your mother’s skirt. when you do tell your parents, a month and a half before you’ll make your escape off to college, it’s awkward. you’ve never felt more wrong in your life. it’s obvious you are not playing the role right, this is the wrong script to be reading from, this is not the child they were supposed to have, this is not the way you were supposed to love. you went to prom with a boy to make her happy, because you knew this was coming. no one hates you and there is no shouting. there is wincing, disappointment. she asks about him. you finally tell the truth. years later she will still be dismissing it.

( - something about the way you only exist in my life now as a story to tell others. something about how I’ll be telling it again and again and again so many different ways and to no one more than myself. something about your hand taking mine for the last time and how much I lost when you let go.)

your therapist tells you that you must feel your feelings, no matter what they might be. it is August. your heart feels like an overstretched water balloon. but you can't articulate that properly, so instead you say, i don't know what i feel i just feel bad. he is out of reach, out of sight, but not out of mind. oh yes, he's been plaguing your thoughts ever since that day in the park where you almost walked hand in hand. you sat in the parking lot with slushies, almost touching knees together. those almosts are everything to you. they're a stinging reminder of what could have been.

you wake up ten months later and tell him you love him. he said i love you first. well. technically, you did when you confessed, but he said it back immediately. last night he said it first. often, he does, often as a whisper in person. he cannot see this blog. between you and i, then, he's doubtful whether he can experience love. who are you? i know who i am, i'm you from the future, aren't i?

except, one thing that we both forgot. your stubbornness. everyone tells you not to chase what you love. to let it come to you. and all the while, you collect things about love your family says, things your friends say, and bring them to your nest and shake them upside down. what is love supposed to look like? you tell the hotlines yeah, i don't really have a healthy model for that in my life but also i'm trying to create it.

if your friends were physically here, there would be a boy coming between you. childish turn of phrase, really, but the most honest phrase i can conjure up. you lie to your aunt and say that the bruises on your leg are from school, that you took a nasty spill down the concrete steps. you don't want to bother explaining the intricacies of kink to her. august to june, more imprints on your heart than there used to be. but you laugh and shrug and say, yeah, auntie, i'm done with him for real, i promise. the truth is you don't want to complain about him to her anymore. when the long text arrives, saying actually it isn't over, you resist the urge to let a smile fall off your face. you dodge your cousins' well-meaning attempts to play breakup songs for you in the car. they don't want your heart to ache.

your friend from last summer sends you a video asking to catch up sometime. he says he misses you. you miss your friend too. without their encouragement, you'd never have met M under the stars, thinking M was L. this friend is one of the few who understands what it is like to have multiple people in one body, although that stage of life is over for him. it doesn't have to be complicated unless you want it to be, though. your friend has a gentle heart beneath the tough-as-nails exterior. their dog jumps on them and covers their face in sloppy kisses.

--i don't normally ask for people's opinion on the way i love. i think it's my business. but there's something so intimate about an outside perspective, a chance for someone to love the way i love. no one can convince me that the way i love is wrong.

#i know damn well who this is about too

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phantom-le6 · 2 years ago

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Ramble of the month April 2023: Autism Month Ramble on Education

For the second time since I started doing these monthly rambles, Autism Awareness Month is upon us. This year, the month is a bit special because while I was basically diagnosed by education professionals as a child, it’s only just now that I’ve got a formal autism diagnosis via the NHS, though that process is still on-going until I get any post saying no more appointments, etc.

Last year when I did something about autism, I focused on relationships. This year, I’m going to instead look at education because I know it’s a very hot-button topic for a lot of parents and families, and subject to regular press scrutiny as well. Now because my day job happens to relate to SEN education, I’m going to try and tread very carefully here, as I don’t want to say anything that would reflect poorly on that day job in any way. However, much like last year’s article, most of this content comes from a book on autism that I’ve been writing, drafts of which have been read by people I trust from work, and I’ve not received any adverse feedback on it previously.

Nonetheless, just as a bit of clarification, what I’m writing here is very much going to be based on me as a private autistic individual. Nothing I say here should be in any way taken as a reflection on my day job, and if anyone does, that’s your mistake, and I bear no responsibility for it. Also, some aspects of this will touch on my views regarding adult intervention in the lives of all young people and will be intended to take a pro-LGBTQ+ stance. No offense is intended in anything I say, but if you take anything pro-LGBTQ+ as offensive, I recommend you stop reading now. For those carrying on, remember, I’m ok with constructive criticism, but I have no tolerance for bullying/trolling/abuse of any kind, so remember to keep any feedback civil, or otherwise please just refrain from commenting.

Now, as ever when I talk about autism, I always like to go over the basics of what autism is, how it can affect people who are autistic, and so on. First, autism is one of a number of conditions that falls under the umbrella of neurodiversity, which is a term used to describe the idea that there is more than one valid way for human minds and brains to function. Because these conditions result in deficits in certain skills and areas of learning, they’re often categorised as a form of disability or mental ill health, but in truth they are neither. I use the term ‘differently abled’ to describe myself because I can do most things non-autistics can; I just have to do them very differently in some cases. Likewise, autism is not a mental illness; it’s simply a different version of mental fitness, though we can still be affected by mental illness in ways similar to non-autistic people.

As to what causes autism, all anyone really knows is that people who are autistic are born that way. It’s not the result of vaccines, and as I noted last year, I view the claim that vaccines cause autism as a form of anti-autistic hate speech which should be criminalised accordingly. It’s also not the result of bad parenting or a lack of discipline, and while many autistics are prone to incidents of meltdown, these outbursts do not stem from aggressive or malicious personalities. Autistic people are on one “mental wave-length”, everyone else is on another such “wave-length”, and the frustration and friction between the two leads to incidents of meltdown.

Now let’s consider the traits of autism. Primarily, autism is defined by social skill deficits that fall into the three areas of what is known as the ‘Triad of Impairment’. If someone has traits within all three areas of the triad, as well as the other associated traits of autism, then they are almost certainly autistic. The first area of difficulty is Social Communication, which deals with how people put across what they want to say and the social skills linked to that. Second is Social Interaction, which are all the social skills you need to accurately interpret what others say to you. Third is Social Imagination, which is the aspect of social skills linked with your ability to anticipate how others may react to your words and actions.

The impairments in these areas seem to stem primarily from the fact that the mind of an autistic person doesn’t learn social skills automatically through observation and interpretation as non-autistics do. In effect, the “social skill auto-pilot” present in neurotypical minds is not present for autistic people, and we have to learn social skills through explicit, direct instruction and implement them in the same way. This also gives us a very literal mindset, making us prone to missing the point of jokes, or perhaps not even recognising where a joke has been told. Likewise, figures of speech and metaphor can be a major challenge for us (like Drax from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but less stupid).

Other autistic traits include a high need for predictability to offset how confusing we find the world around us. Routine and advance knowledge of any major changes that we might find disruptive are two ways this need can be met, but a third that is highly unique to autistics is the concept of special interests. This can be anything we develop an interest in that we find predictable, and because predictability is vital to our mental well-being, special interests occupy a lot of our minds at any given time. For this reason, such interests can be mistaken for obsessions, but obsessions are ultimately joyless where special interests are highly enjoyable to us. Some also mistake them for hobbies, but that’s too casual a label given the role they play for autistic people.

The last couple of traits to go over are sensory issues and coinciding special needs. The first stems from the altered brain chemistry that results in autism, or such was the case last I heard, and causes senses to either be ramped up (hyper-sensitive) or ramped down (hypo-sensitive). These can result in behaviours known as “stimming”, which as I understand it is seeking a specific sensory experience as a way to calm down, though to be honest it’s one trait of autism I don’t think I’ve ever shown myself. As such, I’m not sure if it’s because it’s down to specific sensory needs (I’m a hearing-and-taste hyper-sensitive) or where someone is on the autistic spectrum. There’s also a general processing delay in terms of how long autistic people take to process new information, so at times we might seem a bit slow in our reactions to things, and can easily be flustered by the new and the unexpected; another reason for our dependence on predictability.

The final trait, that of coinciding special needs, means just that. Autistic people are very rarely just autistic. Many have other needs, though what these are vary quite widely. Some can have ADHD, be dyslexic, have major sensory impairments, and so on. In this respect, I’ve been sort of lucky in that my other special needs are a general impairment of my hand-eye co-ordination and gross motor skills. Granted, that almost certainly doesn’t combine well with my sensory processing delay, but at least it’s otherwise separate and distinct from my autism.

Now a moment ago I mentioned the concept of the autistic spectrum. Autism is a very varied form of neurodiversity, and when I used to give talks on the subject, a frequent phrase that came up at the talks was “when you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” Even looking at the handful of autistic people I was a part of when delivering those talks, that phrase is easily understood as true. However, the spectrum model of “high-to-low functioning” is often misinterpreted as being a sliding scale of autistic severity. This is totally untrue; a supposedly “high-functioning” autistic like myself can have needs just as profound as those of a “low-functioning” autistic.

To my mind, the misinterpretation stems from what are known as masking behaviours. These are any behaviours that effectively conceal autistic traits from being observed by mimicking neurotypical behaviours, and are the key reason why autism is often labelled a ‘hidden disability’. While the second part of that label is wrong for most people, the first part certainly explains why some autistic people are not diagnosed sooner in life, and I believe it accounts for the illusion of a functionality scale. In essence, so-called “high-functioning” autistics have very effective masking abilities, while “low-functioning” autistics are simply not capable of or interested in using these behaviours. As such, terms like “high-masking”, “heavy-masking”, “low-masking” or “light-masking” would make better sense of the spectrum concept. Also, the spectrum does not run all the way to neurotypical. Autistic people can be anywhere on the autistic spectrum, but neurotypical people aren’t on it, ever.

Having covered all this information on autism, I’m sure you can probably understand the kinds of difficulties autistic children would have in education settings, especially if they lack for anything official that declares their autism to education professionals. A literal understanding of language, for example, might make them prone to misinterpreting instructions, and while a subject playing to their special interests will see them do well, getting them to focus and achieve in other subject areas could be more challenging, especially if it’s anything new or outside of their routine. With diagnosis, some of these difficulties can be compensated for, but without that formal label, appropriate support is even harder to come by. It also doesn’t help that these issues then spill over into their peer relationships at break and lunch times, and of course outside of schools.

On top of this, it’s worth realising that education has failed to really update itself much over the course of history. Our school year is a relic of the agrarian age when children helped tend crops in the summer, the “sit at desks and learn” model of teaching a hold-over from Victorian times when it was made to mimic the production lines of this industrial quantum leap. Even through the recent trials of the Covid pandemic and home-learning en masse, these elements remain unchanged, while in comparison, we’ve gone from horse-and-carriage to the modern motor car, from old crank-dial landline telephones and telegraph lines to smart phones.

If this isn’t bad enough, our education system has in more recent times become extremely exam-centric, in many cases cutting out classroom assessment and/or coursework as any true kind of metric for progress. Now all that anyone cares about when it comes to school children is exams, or more accurately, how well can they parrot information on cue. Great skill if you plan to spend your life up in front of crowds reading from an auto-cue of some kind, and technically useful for when you have to do tests as part of a job interview. For a lot of other things, though, exam skills aren’t going to be the be-all and end-all of what you need to know, and it’s not unreasonable to expect a child’s education to reflect this simple, basic reality.

The best analogy for all of this, especially when factoring in children who are neurodiverse or differently abled, is the satirical cartoon that’s been doing the rounds of social media for the last decade or so at least. It’s the one where a myriad variety of animals are lined up and asked to climb a tree. That’s our education system in a nutshell; a wide variety of varied individuals being judged by how well or how poorly they do at a single task, disregarding all other abilities that they possess. Given this, I think it’s fair to say that almost every child will struggle in education if things remain that way, special needs or not.

This then brings us to the existing provision for special needs education, which as I noted before is generally only there if you’ve got documentary evidence to prove your child has special needs. First of all, as I understand it, since the Equality Act and the Autism Act were both passed in or around 2010, reasonable adjustments to a child’s education where they have SEN have been part of our national law. As such, some level of adaptability is supposed to exist within our existing national curriculum, and in theory that should help some students achieve in education. There are also various support services available, whether through charities, the NHS or local councils, and then we come to the question of what used to be called Statements of SEN, but are now Education, Health and Care Plans, or EHCPs.

These documents changed names and other things following a legislation change back in 2014, the idea of which was apparently to get things to a point where only children needing special school placements would need EHCPs, and other forms of support would cater to mainstream SEN pupils. However, because the legal changes also included an expanded age-range to cover nursery and further education, as well as the legislation possibly not altering the national curriculum or how it was taught, there was no reduction in EHCP students. Instead, there was and is an ever-increasing demand for this form of support that shows no signs of abating.

In recent times, local councils have begun taking a lot of flak from the public and the press as they struggle to meet this ever-rising demand, but in reality, they’re trying to do their best with a situation not of their making. Over the past several years at least, budgets for local councils have, as with other public services, been cut time and time again, and as funds to councils become increasingly scarce, so does their ability to supply the public demand. The decision to make those cuts is undertaken at the central government level, which is why I would urge anyone with an SEN child to seriously review who they vote for in elections. Who you elect into power dictates how well local authorities get funded, as well as other legislative changes that impact how differently abled children and adults are treated in this country. Don’t just buy into the catchiest soundbite; really investigate and make sure you’re picking a councillor, an MP, a prime minister that honestly cares about SEN support.

The other main contention that can arise around SEN support is whether it’s better to integrate SEN children with mainstream peers or to segregate them via dedicated specialist schools. My own childhood took a kind of middle-route, as under my statement of SEN, I was allocated placements in specialist units within mainstream schools, and over time I spent more and more lessons in mainstream instead of the unit. Now there are parents and professionals who would argue for either extreme, and those who would argue for the middle. Personally, I believe there will always be some children too impaired to even come close to mainstream education, but that in most cases integration should at least be the end-goal, if only because integration with mainstream society is a vital skill for any differently abled person as an adult.

To achieve this, however, there needs to be change. Despite legal provisions allowing for differentiated learning through reasonable adjustments, this doesn’t always seem to happen. Some schools still teachers trapped in archaic views on special needs, viewing differently abled children as simply “naughty”, and while some schools might educate children on special needs so they can understand their peers, others don’t. This in turn results in a lot of the same bullying I went through in school, back when no one even tried explaining my special needs or those of other unit students to our mainstream peers.

As such, I believe that schools need to get proactive and begin weeding out teachers that maintain anti-SEN attitudes of old, and that the national curriculum needs to alter by default, because as difficult as all these challenges are for the diagnosed SEN child, imagine those on the autistic spectrum who are high-masking and shutdown rather than meltdown under stress. Granted, some changes will always be unique to certain special needs, and some will cost extra money, but some won’t. Consider the issue autistic people have with taking things literally. A teacher will have to speak and write instructions to their class many times during a school year, and the cost of hand-outs, whiteboard pens, powering an electronic keyboard, that’s all factored in. The cost of changing certain words on things you already have to write will be no different that whatever you would have written before, but the impact on any autistic or otherwise neurodiverse children needing more literal instructions? Priceless.

Another point I would raise when dealing with autistic people of any age is the three C’s; be clear, be concise, be consistent. Not only does more literal language help, but so does how you set instructions out, and how you act in general, and not just for autistic and other neurodiverse children. Classes may also contain children with chaotic or abusive home lives or just find certain subjects difficult. Making lessons harder with obtuse instructions or erratic staff behaviour and conflicting methodologies do not help such situations, but clear, simple instructions, acting predictably and showing a consistent approach will.

More practical education is another change that would benefit autistic children, but would also benefit those without special needs as well. There’s so much knowledge that gets taught simply “in case” a child wants to follow a specific subject to a higher level, and very often a lot of useful information is left untaught that should be. My cooking lessons in school all related to cakes and pizzas, but not once did anyone teach me how to prepare carrots, peas, potatoes or Yorkshire Puddings; all this I had to learn as an adult from my parents. I learned quadratic equations, but never once were we taught how much living expenses could be, how to do a household budget or check if our income was correctly taxed. So much emphasis was put on picking French or German for a foreign language, but nothing mentioned about learning sign language, which would certainly be useful given that most of us will meet more deaf people than will travel to France or Germany.

Going back to language, avoiding the use of redundant or inaccurate language is another thing to consider. I remember almost getting tripped up on a Maths exam because I was asked to “describe” an equation. That term had no place whatsoever in anything to do with Maths. In any mathematic operation, you calculate, you work out, you can even deduce, but you’re not trying to “describe” a sum, just work out its answer. I was lucky enough to be well-educated enough to compensate for this, but not every SEN student would have been so fortunate. As such, exam writers should be more careful about which exams they decide to go using a thesaurus to write. Maths is not a subject that needs a lot of wordplay, thank you.

Speaking of exams, these should go back to only being part of a subject grade instead of the sum total. For all students of all abilities, exams alone will not be the answer; it stresses them all out to no good cause. For those students who excel more in other types of assessment, that stress could undermine their whole grade without the change to compensate in another area. I know that if essays I wrote for homework during my A-Level Biology course had counted, I might have actually passed.

Speaking of A-Levels, it would also be wise for schools to make clear what is expected at this level of study. No one ever told me I had to do a lot of independent study, never mind what aspects of each subject I should study to achieve a high grade. There’s a lot of supposition regarding students having the initiative to teach themselves at this level, but if you’re autistic and take things literally, you’re more likely to just do what’s assigned and no more because no one has said “you should also do x, y and z to get a proper grade.” Don’t suppose, don’t assume, don’t think we’ll “work this out for ourselves”. The neurotypical fallacy that anyone can read minds is a myth, which is why telepaths only exist in things like X-Men and Star Trek. Real people can’t read minds, so stop acting like they can and spell everything out properly. Not rocket science, not brain surgery, just simple common sense, good manners and good education practice.

Another phrase I believe in is “credit where credit is due, blame where blame is due.” As an autistic student, I don’t think anything ever annoyed me in school quite as much as a teacher telling the whole class off, especially if they kept us late, when I wasn’t involved and had to get out to catch my taxi home. This is lazy behaviour and no worthwhile teacher would ever employ it, which shows what I think about a lot of my former teachers. Punishment should only be administered to students who have broken the rules, and the innocent students should be left alone. This was even more annoying when considering that while I was at school, I was frequently bullied and in most cases school staff never dealt with this.

Because of this, my next improvement suggestion for schools the world over is stop being soft on bullies. Whenever I see news reports about a child bringing a weapon into a school, my first thought is never that the kid in question might be in a gang, nor do I ever believe that’s the first domino in the chain. My first thought about such stories is how much has that child been bullied to believe they need to be armed to be safe. It’s not something I ever did myself, and yet I think there were times when the thought might have occurred to me if I’d seen more examples of that behaviour. The reality is that while some cases of children possessing weapons will be related to teenage gangs, a lot will be bullying-related, which is why I believe bullying should be effectively criminalised, in order to prevent situations reaching a greater magnitude than they need to. If bullies were caught and punished properly, their victims would never seek to be armed and would avoid being seen as criminals themselves.

Next, let’s consider choice in education. I know that for some exams and other assessments of learning to work, there needs to be a few subjects where what you learn is set by school staff. In other areas, however, there is more scope for choice than one might initially suppose, and this can really help autistic children. Say for example that a child has a special interest in superhero lore. Just handing them certain classic literature to study might bore them, and seeing no value in the study of that story they won’t do it. However, if you gave them a graphic novel in which a given superhero deals with similar events to the classic literature, and then you point out the connection, this can be an effective motivator. With sufficient leeway, they could even make scholarly points linking the two and be given higher marks for that. After all, it’s often been noted that the Hulk combines elements of Frankenstein with those of Jekyll and Hyde, and if you consider the Rick Jones-Hulk relationship, an element from Of Mice and Men is also prevalent in early Hulk lore.

For my last couple of points, I’m going to start by pointing out that homework should be better co-ordinated between different subjects. When I was in school, I often felt that we were assigned certain levels of homework that made me think the teacher was of the belief their class was the only one we had. Now for autistics like me, home is meant to be a place to wind down from the demands of school, both social-skill related and otherwise, so having a large amount of homework eat into that destress time can often be counter-productive. As such, I think when students reach a level of education where they’re hoping from class to class for their lessons, schools should co-ordinate across all subject areas to make sure homework levels are reasonable on the whole.

Point number 2 is around the area of when teachers, and other adults as well, should or shouldn’t intervene in an autistic child’s personal life. The reason I bring this up is because during my time at my first secondary school, I went a bit girl-mad, and at one stage I did manage to get a girlfriend for a time. She was a fellow student in the same SEN unit as myself, but a couple of years younger than me, and at one point we had our teachers in that unit trying to basically split us up, claiming we were too young. Given that my mainstream peers were all/mostly getting girlfriends, etc. I have always felt that they really meant we were too autistic/neurodiverse for romantic relationships.

Not only is such an attitude discriminatory, but it’s outside their remit to interfere with a student’s person life in most cases, whether that student is autistic or not. That being said, there are situations where a young person’s personal life can be infringed upon or invaded by parents or guardians rather than teachers, and school staff end up having to be the ones have to interfere for that young person’s benefit. At times, this sort of behaviour gets demonised in the conservative press, as sometimes this interference isn’t just about who starts getting into relationships when. Sometimes it’s about a young person wanting to do what is right for them, but are not allowed to because of the religious superstitions or idiotic conspiracy theories and prejudices of their parents or guardians.

As such, the question always lingers as to how much interference from any adult is appropriate, whether autism is an element in the equation or not. This is never an easy question to answer, and that’s for a lot of reasons. First of all, children and young people are all individuals, growing and getting into things at different ages, and that’s equally true whether they’re neurodiverse or not. It’s part and parcel of why age of consent laws and other age-based limits vary internationally; scientifically, each child develops into an adult in their own time, and each nation has its own ideas about when most young people are able to drive, to vote, to drink, to have sex and so on. As a result, you get the law setting a standard only some children will ever adhere to, while the rest will either be ready earlier or later than that standard.

Second, because children and young people hit their various mental and physical milestones at different times to each other, you’re never going to know with absolute certainty at what age they will be ready for certain things. For example, one young person maybe ready for romantic relationships with their peers from the age of 12 or 13, another young person might not be ready until they’re closer to 16, and some are never going to be ready or will only be ready as adults. Autism can be factor here, but so can a lot of other things, and relationships are just one example. Others may include following a different religion, or exploring aspects of their identity that come under the LGBTQ+ umbrella.

Now among the autistic friends I’ve made over the years, I know a couple of autistics that are homosexual and one who is trans-gender. This is why when I look at the whole area of adult interference in autistic personal lives, both in education and at home, I try not to look just at my own experience around relationships. Interference can be a teacher trying to convince an autistic young person who is gay, trans, both or something else entirely that they aren’t these things, or it can be a parent disowning the young person over laying claim to these labels. Neither is appropriate or healthy, and the same applies when non-autistic young people make such claims. However, as we’ve just noted, children reach their mental milestones at different ages, and sometimes they’re not going to work out which labels apply to them at the first time of trying.

In essence, each person’s life is a voyage of self-discovery, and during childhood and adolescence, each person is developing the initial knowledge and skills they will need to continue that journey as independent adults. This means any adult intervention in a young person’s personal life has to be a measured response, something that strikes a balance between outright dismissal and carte blanche permission. During their formative years, children and young people need a bit leeway to explore who they are and begin establishing their identity, but until they’re capable of making sound independent decisions, a certain level of safeguarding is also required.

How this balanced approach might apply is something that almost certainly needs to vary from case to case, but in general, the basic structure would be to take an interest, research the subject well with the young person and give them appropriate chances to explore whatever they’ve expressed an interest in. Ideally, this should be handled more by parents, perhaps with the assistance of other family or close friends, and perhaps only involving school where it’s really appropriate because it might impact their education. Indeed, impact on education is what I would generally put down as the principal factor, perhaps the only factor, in whether teachers interfere in the personal affairs of students. Things like bullying fall into this category because the adverse mental impact impairs a child’s ability to focus on lessons, as does parental abuse. Pursuing a romantic relationship with a classmate, provided it’s checked at the classroom door, wouldn’t have an adverse impact, and so that’s not a matter for teacher intervention.

Where autistic children and young people are concerned, the waters can get a little muddier because our social skill difficulties mean we’re a little more prone to misunderstanding and misinterpretation, as well as being deceived by our peers into handling a situation inappropriately. However, the rule of “if it’s not impacting their learning, don’t butt in” should remain the school staff rule-of-thumb. Where home life is the point of non-acceptance, that again impacts a young person’s ability to learn, so again school staff intervention becomes appropriate to shield a young person from horrendous parental reaction. In this scenario, it might be that school staff or other professionals have to act as supporting adults in a young person’s self-discovery instead of parents, in which case greater care is required in case certain actions or counsel fall outside any given professional remit.

Now I imagine that when I talked an approach of taking an interest in a young person’s decisions, researching the issue with them and giving them appropriate opportunities, some people might be a bit confused what I meant. Well, let’s run through a couple of examples. First is the one from my own experience; relationships of a romantic nature. Never an easy subject to broach, but let’s consider how that could be handled. Step one of taking an interest means asking the young person what they understand about such things and giving them a good baseline idea of what relationships might entail. This doesn’t necessarily mean doing a sex education talk, as they might be too young for that stage yet, and schools generally cover this anyway. More likely topics could be dating versus advancing a friendship to romance, proper relationship etiquette, correcting for any misunderstandings born from pop culture knowledge of romance and so on.

Research could then be a matter of asking slightly older children in the family (older siblings, cousins, etc.) to talk about their own experiences, pointing them towards other trusted sources of experience in this area, and in the case of autistic children, tools like social stories might help to explain certain points. A provision of appropriate experiences would then probably consist of liaising with the other young person’s parents/guardians to let a young couple have some dating experiences, or provide a young person with some age-appropriate chances to gain a romantic interest. Where an autistic teenager is concerned, I would advise that where the latter option is concerned, try not to suggest clubs of any description. I for one always hated that suggestion because if it didn’t result in a relationship, I would have joined a club for nothing. Very often autistic people want to be direct, so the more direct our opportunities are, the more likely we are to take them.

For our second example, let’s consider the idea of trans-genderism. This one is very much more contentious, but the same basic principles from the first example apply. Again, begin with taking an interest; why does the young person believe they are trans-gender? Are they fully aware of what the term means, what different forms trans-genderism can take? What aspects of their birth-assigned gender do they not identify with, and so on. Look into the subject yourself, avoiding any right-wing hysteria and bigotry and focusing on more balanced sources of information, then go through this with the young person in question, maybe reach out to trans-gender support and information groups to learn more.

Appropriate opportunities can then consist of allowing a young person to explore the gender they now identify as, provided the exploration doesn’t involve anything that is irreversible or extremely difficult to reverse. For example, if a young person has been designated male when they were born but now identifies as female, wearing female clothing and make-up is ok because clothes and make-up can be removed if they find this isn’t for them. In this case, appropriate exploration means dipping your toe in the pool for now and not diving in until old enough to weight the consequences accurately and make an independent decision. That way, exploration can go ahead, and those who have mis-identified can change their minds while those who have landed on the right label will have confirmation that they’re on their own right track.

So, to sum this all up, education is not an easy experience for people on the autistic spectrum, and odds are this will always be the case to some extent. The only question is whether or not the society in which we live has the will and the courage to try being more inclusive and tolerant, and to create an autism-inclusive education system that reflects such an attitude change. Based on my experience of neurotypical society, I’m hanging hopes on this anytime soon, but if anyone has the guts to prove me wrong, I’m more than happy for them to try. Until my next ramble, ta-ta for now.

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carriagelamp · 4 years ago

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Art of Aardman

I found myself a cheap copy of the Shaun the Sheep movie, so I was rewatching a bunch of Aardman films earlier this month and decided to hunt down some books too. For anyone that doesn’t know, Aardman is a British stop-motion studio that does fantastic work like Wallace and Gromit, Shaun the Sheep, Chicken Run, Early Man… tons of cool stuff. They’re always quirky and funny and warm-hearted. This was just a very nice art book for anyone that’s a fan of Aardman stop motion and wants to see a bit extra; it shows some cool concept art and blows up the neat details in Aardman work, especially in their intricate stuff like The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

Asterix and the Picts (Asterix and the Chariot Race, and How Obelix Fell Into The Magic Potion)

I decided to try a couple of the new Asterix comics that were done by the new team, just to see if they stand up to the old ones (that and How Obelix Fell Into The Magic Potion cause I’d never read that one before). They were pretty decent! Asterix and the Picts was my favourite of the two though I wouldn’t say either are going to contest for my favourite Asterix comic... but still! The art looks good and the stories felt like what I would expect, they made for a pleasant couple evenings of reading especially since it’s been so long since I’ve read a new Asterix comic. If you’ve never read Asterix it’s one of the biggest name French comic series in North America, as far as I know and very worth the read. It’s about a single Gaulish village that’s holding out against the invading Romans through sheer force of will, slapstick hijinks, and a magical super-strength potion brewed by their druid. Lots of fantastic visuals and cute wordplay, even in the English translations.

Bear

I found out about this bastion of Canadian literature via tumblr post that was losing its collective mind over the fact that some bizarre bear-based erotica novella somehow won the most prestigious literary prize available in Canada. Since I too found this hilarious and unspeakably bizarre I had to give it a read, obviously. And yes, the flat surface level summary is... a librarian moves out into rural Ontario and falls in love with a literal for-real not-supernatural-not-a-joke bear. And I have to say… it is actually worthy of an award, which I was not expecting given that I was there for a laugh. It has beautiful writing, and the subtextual story is pretty interesting… it kind of makes me think of The Haunting of Hill House actually in terms of themes. (Womanhood, personhood, independence, autonomy partially achieved through escaping the male gaze by claiming non-human lovers... listen if I were still in university I would right a paper comparing the two novels).

I dunno man, it’s fucking weird. Actually a well-written book, but sure is about a woman falling in love with a literal bear. Give it a read if you want something bonkers but like… high-brow bonkers.

Hunger Pangs: True Love Bites

Best book I have read in like… a while. A long while. I am not a fast reader, and I consumed 90% of this book over a weekend. It’s not at all like Terry Pratchett, but at the same time it scratched an itch for me that I haven’t had satisfied since Pratchett’s death. A very clever, hilariously funny poly romance between a disabled werewolf, an anxious vampire lord, and an incredibly powerful woman, with heaps of social satire, political commentary, and sinister undertones. The whole thing reads a bit like fanfiction and I say that in the most flattering way possible -- it is so easy to jump right in and be immediately taken over by the characters and the world and the plot, you never feel like you’re fighting to engage even though the world-building is fascinating and expansive. It welcomes you in right away, it was the book equivalent of a quilt and a hug which is something I sorely needed with all this pandemic bullshit. If you read any of the books on this list, go read that one while I sit here in pain waiting for the sequel.

Kid Paddle

I watched the cartoon of Kid Paddle as a kid and was thinking about it recently, so I decided to hunt down some of the original comics online. They’re fun and weird, with a cute art style and fantastic monsters designs. (My favourites are always about Kid either daydreaming or playing games that involve Midam’s weird warty troll creatures. It’s like a cross between Calvin and Hobbes and Foxtrot with the fun sort of quirks that I love in Belgian comics. Unfortunately, unlike Asterix, I’ve only come across these ones in French, but if you can read French it’s totally worth popping over to The Internet Archive and reading the ones they have available.

The Last Firehawk: The Golden Temple

The lastest Firehawk book. Despite being written for quite young readers, I did enjoy the early books in this series quite a bit. They’re about a young owl and squirrel who found an egg for a magical species that was believed to be extinct. With the newly hatched firehawk, the three of them head off on a mission to find an ancient firehawk magic that could save the entire forest. Very basic adventure story but a good intro to the tropes for children. Unfortunately the quality really feels like it drops with each subsequent book; this will probably be the last one I bother reading.

Lumberjanes: The Moon Is Up

I honestly think I enjoy these Lumberjanes novels even more than the comics just because it really gives time to delve into each story and examine how the camper are really thinking and feeling about everything. (Also I’m always weak for novelizations of anything.) The Moon Is Up is a book that focuses more on Jo, and takes place during the camp’s much anticipated Galaxy Wars, a competition between cabins that goes over several days. While the campers prepare for these challenges though, they also run into a strange little creature with a penchant for cheese and theft. Roanoke cabin needs to keep ahead in Galaxy Wars and somehow deal with the fearsome Moon Pirates that a closing in...

Lumberjanes v4 (Out Of Time)

One of the Lumberjanes comics, a cool, girl-focused, queer comic series. Honestly, this is just a fun series that I never got as into as I should have. My advice is honestly to skip book one because it gets better as it continues, and I’ve really been enjoying the later books now that I’ve given it another go. It follows five campers at Miss Qiunzella Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet’s Camp for Hardcore Lady Types (Jo, April, Molly, Mal, and Ripley) as they handle all sorts of challenges, from friendship to crushes, camp activities to supernatural horrors, getting badges to not being brutally killed. Great if you liked the vibe of Gravity Falls but want it to be queer-er.

Mooncakes

Another queer graphic novel, but unfortunately not a very good one. It really looked appealing and I had high hopes, but the book itself really didn’t hold up… I actually couldn’t even finish it, the plot was just too… non-existent. The art is fairly mediocre once you actually look at it, especially backgrounds, and it feels very… placid. Not much conflict or excitement or even a very compelling reason to keep reading. If you just want a soft queer supernatural you may get more mileage out of it than me, but it didn’t really do it for me. There’s better queer graphic novels out there.

New Boy In Town

One of the worst books I have ever read. My girlfriend had ordered a very different book online but through a frankly stupendous error was sent this 1980s pulp romance instead. Absolutely nauseating on levels I couldn’t even begin to enumerate here. Naturally we read the whole thing out loud. Probably took us 10 times longer to finish than it warranted because I had to stop every two sentences to lose my mind. If you like bad decisions, baffling hetero courting rituals, built-in cultural Christianity without actually calling it that, and gold panning then boy howdy is this the book for you.

(seriously, you better have patience for gold-panning if you attempt this one, because I sure learn that I don’t)

Piggies

This was a picture book I enjoyed as a kid and had a reason to reread recently. Honestly it’s just very cute and simple, and the art is completely mesmerizing. Wonderful if you know a young child that would enjoy a simple goofy boardbook.

Shaun the Sheep: Tales From Mossy Bottom

Related to my Aardman fascination earlier this month. I tried reading a varieties of Shaun the Sheep books — most of which are mediocre at best — but the Tales From Mossy Bottom Farm series is genuinely good. Just chapter books, of course, but the illustrations match the series’ concept art and each story feels like it could have jumped directly out of an episode. They’re just cute and feel-good! Kinda like Footrot Flats but more for kids, and from the sheep’s perspective moreso than the dog’s.

#aardman animation #shaun the sheep #lumberjanes #kid paddle #asterix #the last firehawk #hunger pangs: true love bites #marian engel #bear #canadian literature #canlit #queer lit #book review #book reviews #chatter

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mandoalorian · 4 years ago

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Rach could you please do something soft like it’s maxwells birthday and you and alastair plan a small birthday party ( just the three of you) and he is so overwhelmed with love he can’t believe he got so lucky after everything ❤️ then you tell him you’re pregnant.

Also no pressure to write you can totally ignore this 😊

Birthday Surprise [Maxwell Lord x F!Reader]

Warnings: pregnancy, allusions to sex, food mention, mention of infidelity/cheating, mention of poverty

Word Count: 3200>

A/N: It’s April 1st which means it’s officially Max Lord’s birthday! <33 Thank you for all the Max requests people have sent in over the past week. They’ve truly been a joy to write. & Thank you @supernaturalgirl for this lovely request. I hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

Once upon a time, Maxwell Lord had these big, extravagant parties to celebrate his birthday. He’d host at fancy venues and it would be formal, strictly black-tie, and only the elite were invited. But the truth was, he was incredibly lonely. He had no friends, only colleagues and business associates. His wife would hang on his arm, wearing real fur, and Chanel couture earrings, parading around the room, flirting with other businessmen who might’ve been more successful than Max.

He didn’t like his birthday. Growing up, he didn’t celebrate much either. The Lorenzano family could barely afford to buy Maxwell new shoes or clothes that fit, so expecting gifts and parties was the last thing on his mind. Every year though, without fail, his mother would cook him a small cake and light a candle. “Make a wish, Maxwell.” she’d whisper. It was funny how things turned out.

And when he married for the first time, it was his wife who insisted on these big, luxurious celebrations with balloons and music. The attention was nice, sure, but it always felt like it was more for her than it was for him. He’d never say anything though. Just smile and nod. As long as she was happy. She sure seemed happy when Maxwell caught his wife with her tongue down another man’s throat at his 32nd birthday party. Thankfully, that marriage soon ended, and whilst Maxwell swelled with heartache for a good few months, better things were soon to come.

Like meeting you.

About a week before Maxwell’s birthday, Alistair was... hyper, to say the least. It was way past his bedtime, and yet he was bouncing up and down on yours and Max’s bed, clearly trying to get his father to leave the room.

“Daddy, could you go make me some french fries?”

Maxwell peeked up from his newspaper and furrowed his eyebrows together. His son’s question even ruffled you slightly, as you looked up from painting your nails and tilted your head slightly.

“Alistair, it’s eleven at night. No french fries.” Maxwell sighed before looking back down at his newspaper.

Alistair hummed, looking around the bedroom.

“Daddy, did you remember to feed Lady her evening biscuits?”

Maxwell looked up from his paper again, and stared at his son.

“I fed her this evening,” You said, trying to work out what kind of mischief Alistair was getting up to now. “Ali, is everything okay?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t it be?” The six year old replied, and well, it was a fair response. You and Maxwell exchanged a glance before getting back to your business. About ten seconds passed.

“Daddy, can you make me some warm milk?”

Maxwell sighed, this time dropping his newspaper completely and rubbing his tired eyes. “You don’t need warm milk Alistair.”

“But I’ll struggle to sleep without it.”

“I’ll go get you some,” you told the child, but Alistair quickly extended his arm, stopping you before you could get out of bed.

“No mommy, you’re sick. Besides, I asked daddy.”

You blinked, taken slightly aback. Alistair was a sweet child with wonderful manners, that much you knew, but even his decorum right now took you by surprise. He was speaking like a fully grown gentleman. Processing his words, you simply shrugged your shoulders before shuffling back into bed and getting comfortable.

Yeah, you’d been throwing up the past few days, in the mornings mostly, but you’d drawn it down to food poisoning. It was sweet how Alistair was seemingly looking out for your health. Maxwell’s gaze flicked between you both but, in defeat, he got out of bed and padded downstairs, into the kitchen to prepare his son’s bedtime beverage. Once he was gone, and you could hear him begin to steam the milk, you snapped your fingers to get Alistiar’s attention.

“Alright Ali,” you sighed, folding your arms across your chest. “What’s going on? Why have you been trying to get your dad to leave the room for the past...” you checked the time on the alarm clock which was positioned on Max’s nightstand. “Half an hour.” Gods he was persistent. Just like his father.

“We need to do something special for daddy’s birthday.” Alistair announced, and as he uttered the words, you already knew that there was no room for questioning him. He and his father were similar in that sense too.

“What do you have in mind?” you wondered out loud. You knew Maxwell’s birthday was approaching, despite your husband never talking about it. You hadn’t even thought of what to get him yet, which was a problem.

“A party. But not like the ones daddy has for work,” Alistair explained, referring to the many galas Maxwell had hosted in attempt to gain sponsorship and investments for his company. “Like, a small tea party. Just us. All his favourite snacks and the birthday cake granny used to make him when he was a kid. I know it’s his favourite. And balloons and banners and streamers. I can draw a picture. And music. And—“

“Okay okay baby slow down, I see where you’re coming from,” you smiled, pulling Alistair into your lap. “And I like the idea. Do you know if your dad has ever had a small party like this before?”

“I don’t think so.” Alistair replied softly and you nodded in understanding.

“Well, we’ll have to make sure it’s perfect. We can start planning tomorrow morning when he goes to work, okay? But keep your mouth zipped tight Ali, it has to be a surprise.”

———

The day of Maxwell’s birthday started like any other. He left for work at 7:30, his driver waiting for him outside. He graced you with a quick peck on the cheek and told you he couldn’t wait to see you tonight. Now, Maxwell hadn’t uttered one word about his birthday in the past week, but even today, he hadn’t mentioned it. You’d planned on giving him his present this morning when he woke up, but your nerves got the better of you.

You’d waited to give him this gift for a week already, you could at least wait a few more hours until he got home from work.

At 9am, your best friend arrived with an abundance of helium balloons, birthday banners and streamers. At 9:30am, you tried to help Alistair pick out a smart outfit, although he was begging to wear one of his new Star Wars Ewok costumes.

“How can you eat all the cake if you’re dressed as a massive teddy bear?” you asked the boy. He sighed, knowing that you had a point.

Alistair looked adorable in his button down shirt and pants. You even fished in Maxwell’s closet to find a bow tie, hoping it would complete the look.

“I look like dad.” Alistair mumbled, fiddling with the wonky tie that you’d haphazardly wrapped around his neck.

“Exactly. You look wonderful.” you grinned, enveloping him into a massive hug.

At 12, you figured it was the best time to begin baking the cake. But to do that, you needed the recipe. When you called Ms Lorenzano, your heart blossomed upon hearing the excitement in her voice.

“Oh darling! Hello! It’s so lovely to hear from you.” she spoke into the phone, and you could just imagine her smile on the other end of the line. It was identical to Maxwell’s.

“Hello Ms Lorenzano,” you greeted, nervously curling the telephone wire around your finger. “How’ve you been?”

“I was just packing away my groceries. I got the bouquet of flowers you and Maxwell sent me yesterday. They look beautiful on my dining room table. Thank you, darling. They really lighten up the room. How is my son? Is he there?” Ms Lorenzano quizzed.

“Max is great, actually. He’s working at the moment but we were thinking about flying out to see you this weekend. If you weren’t busy? Alistair misses you very much.”

“Oh that would be wonderful! I’ve missed my little cherub so much. Let me guess, a big party planned tonight for my Maxwell’s birthday?” She beamed.

“Not quite. It was Ali’s idea to plan something small - a tea party of sorts. He was telling me about this vanilla frosting birthday cake you used to bake when Max was younger? And I was hoping you’d share the recipe with me. I’d love to try and recreate it… although my baking skills are nowhere near as good as yours.” you giggled.

“That recipe has been passed down our family for generations,” Ms Lorenzano explained and you felt your heart sink into your chest. By neither law nor blood, you weren’t family. Would she really not give you the recipe? You’d been dating Maxwell for years now. And Ms Lorenzano did always say you were like a daughter to her… “Of course you can have it.” she smiled and you felt a wave of relief wash over you as she began to list the ingredients.

“Thank you Ms Lorenzano, it was so lovely to speak to you. Max is gonna give you a call tonight. Take care, okay?”

“Okay darling. I send my love. Give Alistair a kiss from his ol’ granny. I will see you Saturday.”

Now, the smart thing would’ve been to call over the house chef and have her prepare the birthday cake. At least then, it would be void of any errors. But this was strictly a Lorenzano family recipe and the last thing you wanted to do was to disrespect Ms Lorenzano and immediately give it to the house chef. So, you figured you’d give it your best go. At least then it would be sentimental.

Maxwell was a fussy eater, only eating the most delicious and well presented foods. You weren’t sure if he’d even step a foot near this cake. As you stirred together the ingredients, something wasn’t right. It was lumpy and bubbling and -- no matter what, you just couldn’t seem to fix it. You called Alistair in, who had been colouring in a family portrait he’d drawn, to take a look, but of course, he didn’t know any better.

When the cake came out the oven, it was lop-sided and slightly burned. You figured it would be okay if you just covered it in the vanilla frosting and placed the sliced strawberries intricately on the top. But no. Luck wasn’t on your side today. The strawberries slipped off and the icing was uneven. At least you managed to put the cake on one of the fancy ‘special occasion’ plates. You could just tell Maxwell that it was made with love.

Ali helped you decorate downstairs, which proved to be a challenge. The rooms in Lord manor were extensively sized and tall, but you did your best.

“Ali, I’m going to quickly get changed okay? Would you do me a favour and bring down your dad’s presents from upstairs? You could place them on the dining room table.”

Alistair nodded obediently and did as he was told. You went up to yours and Maxwell’s shared closet and looked around, trying to decide on what exactly you should wear. You opted on a beautiful, fitted champagne coloured dress that glittered in the artificial lighting. It was one of your favourite gowns and you had worn it last summer at one of Black Gold Cooperative’s charity fundraising events. You knew how much Maxwell loved it too. If Alistair was dressed in his father’s bow-tie, and Maxwell always looked presentable, there was no reason you couldn’t make an effort to look good too. Besides, you didn’t know how long you’d have left before you wouldn’t be able to fit into these dresses anymore.

You didn’t have long before Maxwell was due to finish work. You quickly style your hair and adjust your makeup, before padding downstairs and into the dining room. Just like you had requested, all of Maxwell’s presents were neatly piled on top of the table, courtesy of Alistair.

“He’ll be home any second Ali,” you said, handing Alistair a party popper and adjusting the cone shaped party hat on his head. Alistair was absolutely beaming, his big brown eyes twinkling like starlight as he anticipated his father coming home from work. “Are you ready?”

“Yes.” Alistair grinned.

“Okay. Good. Let’s go find a place to hide.”

Ducking down behind the stack of gifts, you waited for about five minutes in silence, until you heard the front door unlock. Alistair squeaked excitedly, hearing his dad come home and you bit your lip, quietly shushing him but unable to contain your own smile.

Maxwell was surprised when he came home. He wasn’t greeted like he expected to be. Normally, every evening after his shift, you and Ali would run into his arms and envelope him into a hug. The lack of running and hugs concerned Maxwell. The house was dead quiet, and he even found himself wondering if either of you were home.

When he padded into the dining room and switched on the light, you and Ali jumped out and screamed in unison; “Happy birthday!”

Maxwell froze, his jaw dropping open and his eyes going comically wide. He was presented with an abundance of gifts, a decorated dining room, his son and girlfriend all dressed up, and a questionable looking cake with a wax candle stuck in the top. You and Alistair ran into Maxwell’s arms and hugged him tight.

“Daddy! Daddy! It’s your birthday! Look! We planned a surprise tea party all by ourselves!” Alistar squealed, tugging on his father’s arm.

“I- I- wow!” Maxwell gasped, genuinely speechless. You bit your lip and swayed your hips as you lovingly gazed into his brown eyes. You didn’t know what it was, maybe the fact the whole day was leading up to this moment, or perhaps just an imbalance with your hormones, but you had missed him so much. Just seeing him again made you want to weep in his strong arms. You loved him so much.

“Happy birthday.” you whispered, raising your hand to cup his face. He nudged his nose against yours and you kissed him sweetly.

“You did all of this for me?” He asked after reluctantly pulling away, still in genuine shock.

“It was Ali’s idea.” you replied, letting your body lean against his. You rest your head into his chest so much so that you could hear the rhythm of his heartbeat.

“You look… breathtaking, darling.” Maxwell hummed, his hand resting on the small of your back.

“Come sit down,” you said, taking his hand and guiding him over to the dining room table. “You have all these presents, and we have cake and music…”

“The cake…” Maxwell pointed and quirking an eyebrow. “Is that… it can’t be…”

“It is, I called your mom for the recipe.” You confirmed with a nervous smile.

“I-- don’t believe it. I haven’t had this cake since--”

“I know. Again it was Ali’s idea,” you informed him. Alistair looked bashfully proud as he anticipated the cake cutting. “I know it doesn’t look the best…”

“Are you kidding?” Maxwell asked, cutting you off. “This is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“Would you like to try some?”

“Would I like to try some?” Maxwell repeated incredulously. “Of course!”

You lit the candle and held hands with Alistair and Max as the two of you sang happy birthday. As Maxwell blew out the candle, you told him to make a wish.

“I don’t need to wish for anything. I already have everything I could ever want. Right here.”

Maxwell got a variety of miscellaneous gifts for his birthday. A porcelain statue of a dog, a small desk flag with his company logo on it, a basket filled with biotin supplements, and of course the artwork that Alistair had created earlier in the day. It was a beautiful crayon illustration of you, Max, Ali, and of course your cat, Lady Lord. Maxwell promised to frame it and put it on his desk at work. Little did he realise though, the best gift was yet to come.

Once Alistair was tucked into bed, you and Maxwell decided to settle down and have an early night. All the eating and dancing had exhausted you both.

“Thank you for today,” Maxwell mumbled, pulling the zipper down your dress. His warm breath fanned over the shell of your ear and you immediately felt butterflies in your stomach. “Why don’t we go to bed, hm?” he asked, peppering kisses down your neck and along your shoulders.

You knew what he was hinting at, and you wanted it too. Of course you wanted it too. But there was something you had to deal with first. You were so nervous but you knew it was now or never.

“I didn’t give you your birthday present.” you announced, turning around to look your boyfriend in the eye.

“Wh-- what do you mean? You didn’t need to get me anything. This was enough. You-- you, my love, are enough.”

You smiled, rubbing his bicep and finding yourself once again getting lost in his eyes. You took a deep breath and pulled him into the en-suite bathroom. Although confused, Max didn’t say a word, and instead, he watched you in silence as you unlocked the drawer under the sink. It was where you usually kept your cosmetics, but Max’s gift had been waiting in there for the past week, wrapped up in tissue. You took it out and handed him it.

You anxiously watched as he unravelled the tissue, only to be presented with a positive pregnancy test. Your positive pregnancy test. His eyebrows knotted together and you watched his Adam's apple bop in his throat as he swallowed. But then, only seconds later, his face softened and his eyes became glazed with unshed tears. “You’re… we’re…”

“We’re pregnant, Max.” you confessed, confirming his thoughts.

Maxwell choked up and wrapped his strong arms tight around you, squeezing you hard. “Oh my God, we’re really pregnant?”

“Mhm.” you giggled, as Maxwell pulled away and cupped your cheeks with his hand. He kissed you passionately and when he pulled away, his grin was ecstatic.

“How long have you known?” He quizzed.

“A week.” you admitted.

“A week?!”

You swatted his arm playfully and shushed him.

“I wanted it to be a surprise. We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, to confirm it and everything. But with the sickness and… I can feel it, you know?” You took his hand and placed it against your stomach. “I can really feel it.”

“I love you so much,” Maxwell smiled. “I love you so, so much.”

“Happy birthday my dear.” you replied, guiding him back over to the bed. “I love you too.”

--------x---------

Permanent taglist: @paintballkid711 @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet @pinkninja200 @maxiarapamaya @autumnleaves1991-blog @artsymaddie @harrys-stan @kennedywxlsh @cripplingmoon @cheekygeek05 @mrschiltoncat @rye-flower @theamuz @persie33 @sleepylunarwolf @martellthemandalor @pedro-pastel @steeevienicks @rrtxcmt @saphic-susperia @ladyjenny19 @readsalot73 @softmedics

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #maxwell lord #max lord #maxwell lord x reader #max lord x reader #jose pedro balmaceda pascal

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lovesgonnabe · 4 years ago

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Love Is Worth It - Mini Episode I: Happy Mothers Day

Characters: Chris Evans x Maya Alonso-Evans (Black OFC)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, cursing,daddy kink, fake IG Post.

Word Count: IDK Yet(Soon)

Summary: What happens when there is a surprise on the Horizon?

AN/Disclaimer: There’s only slight edits so there may be errors. Also if you haven’t noticed this series will have many time jump things referenced here may make more sense later on in the series when new episodes come out so please bear with me.

Taglist: @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss, @canadian-girl87, @i-just-like-fanfics, @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful if you would like to join the taglist let me know.

Please leave a note and tell me what you think!

May 9th, 2021

Boston was moving from chilly too warm with still more cold days than not. Boston at this time was beautiful even The Evans home was littered with flowers. The beginning of 2021 has been eventful for the Evans Family.

Chris's A Starting Point has taken off like no one had expected, doing incredible number in educating a whole generation on one of Chris’s passions politics and the world.

While Maya within the few months has launched her skincare line Lavish Lilah Skin, and has been able to open back up her dermatology offices with the slowing down of the current devastating pandemic.

This Mothers Day for the family of 3 was different but the same at the same time.

Maya's Birthday has just passed, Chris filming schedule will pick up in the Summer and for the last year Delilah has been homeschooled.

With work picking up for the couple May 9th was a beautiful day for the Evans to just relax and be together as a family.

Its 9 am and Maya was sprawled in the middle of their California King Bed as Chris and Delilah were in the downstairs getting Maya's Mothers Day Gift ready.

"Ok Lilah you've got mommy's gifts and I've got the food you ready?" Chris asked with the tray in his hand.

Delilah nodded and they headed up the steps to the master bedroom the 5 year old ran up too the room first leaving Chris in her dust.

"Mom wake up its Mommy Day" Delilah said trying to climb the large bed.

Maya began to stir awake with a smirk on her face when she heard her baby girl struggle to to get up on the bed.

Delilah hooped on the outerman at the front of the bed and climbed to her mom laying up on Chris's said of the bed.

Delilah began to play with Maya's face.

"mommy get up me and daddy have gifs" Delilah said trying to open Maya's eyes with her little fingers.

Maya breaks out into a laugh now completely awake and pulling Delilah into a big hug kissing her all over the face.

When Chris walked in his two favorite girls were both laughing their heads off the sunlight in the room glowed on their golden skin as their smiling faces brought a bright smile to his.

"Are you two having fun without me" Chris asked as he walked to Maya's side of the bed.

Chris lays the tray on the night stand, pecking Maya on the lips mumbling a sweet Happy Mothers Day against her lips as he pulls her into a deeper kiss just enjoying the taste of her sinful lips.

When they pull away Maya moves over to make room for Chris in their large bed.

Delilah and Chris handed over the gifts to Maya, it wasn't a lot just some small things a card made by Maya from her zoom arts class, a mini breakfast in bed and more flowers *like she needed anymore*.

"Sweetheart I told you that you didn't have to do anything for me for Mothers Day especially everything you have done for me recently" Maya said taking sip from her coffee mug.

Chris chuckles thinking about the last few months, and he has been what you would call a rockstar husband.

With the pandemic Chris has been home a lot more he dropped a film he planned to star in and went full throttle on ASP which kept him home a lot making him kind of a stay home dad.

Chris did everything from some cooking to cleaning to school with Delilah. Him staying home was not only for him to do ASP and spend more time with his family but to let Maya work and bring her employess back so she can get her dermotobly practice back to as close to 100% as she can during a pandemic.

Not only that Chris hosted a surprise launch party/brithday party for Maya's new skincare venture in early April that was a small get together with all there closest friends and family (that were vaccinated). Even flying her parents who they haven’t seen in a year out to see them. (who were still in town and staying out in their guest home)

The three were still sitting in bed watching cartoons.

"My love if you thought today would go by and I would not celebrate you then you are out of your mind" Chris said kissing Maya's head.

The last four months have really shown Chris how much he admires Maya because everything he has been doing is what Maya has been doing since Dede was born.

So at least for today Chris was pulling out the red carpet for love of his life, after an hour of just lazying around Chris grabbed a now napping Delilah and told maya that she need to be dressed and ready to leave the house by 1pm which was 2 hours from the current time.

When 1pm hit the Evans and the Alonsos were out of the house and all in Maya's Truck.

They drove the 3 hours to the Alonso Family Estate in Martha's Vineyard and with Maya having absolutely no idea where they were going she grew antsy because unbeknownst to everyone in the car except her mother Maya was now Pregnant with her and Chris's second child and she was afraid she was going to have an accident in the car.

Maya was about 16 weeks how she has hide being pregnant from Chris for that long is a surprise and a miracle on its own.

However she just wanted to wait until she was absolutly sure that she could carry a complete trimester before telling anyone but her mom because her and Chris have tried 5 times after Delilah and has miscarred everytime.

All that faliure takes a toll not only on your body but on your psyche and she didn’t want to keep getting Chris's hopes up to keep failing him.

Even though he has been there through it all to hold her when she cries thinking about it or pick her up from the pool of blood in the middle of the night he was there holding her hand, but the of how many more times will he be able to do this with her still creeps in the back of Maya's mind.

Her mom's reassuring smile kept her calm while Chris and Maya held hands the entire ride up as they rolled up around 5pm to the estate that had multiply cars in the driveway.

When they walked in Maya's Brothers were both there along with Chris's parents, siblings and their kids.

Chris explained to Maya that with the kids out of school they all decided to being summer vacation a bit early.

As the night went on the all talked, laughed, ate good food and enjoyed each others company as one huge blended family.

It was coming up around 7pm it was golden hour outside and Maya knew for some reason it was time to tell Chris.

As Maya walked outside closet to the horses her mom followed.

"May baby cakes its time you can't live in fear forever" handing the ultrasound she kept in her purse and walking back into the house Maya took a deep breath as she sipped on her water and looked at sun hint the vinyard in the most majestic way.

"Maya you ok your mom wanted me to come and check in on you" Chris asked walking next to Maya who bit her lip which she did whenever she was nervous.

"Babe whats wrong" Chris knew something wasn't right the her body langague was and Chris could read his wife.

Maya tightly gripped the ultrasoud and turned toward Chris looking into his ocean blue eyes made her weak at the knees but she needed to focus.

She handed him the photo

"For the last 16 weeks or so I haven't found a way to tell that we are pregant and I guess this is it I am sorry I waited so long" Maya Says.

She smirks trying to keep it light hearted and Chris Smiles not even taking enough time to really process the new information with tears in his eye picking up Maya who squeals as he spins her around.

"I hope you know I knew already” he says putting her down leaving his arms around her waist.

"What do you mean you knew" Maya asked as her eyebrows frowned as she looked up at him.

"You underestimate how well I know your body" Chris says rubbing his hands up and down the curves of her body till her reached her ass giving it a good squeeze.

"Also you definitely did not hide this ultrasound that well so when I did first have hunch you had already confirmed it to me without even knowing it" Chris said.

He gave Maya his trademark smile and kissed his wife like his life depended on it.

"why didn’t you tell me you knew" she asked breaking the sweet embrace of the two lovers.

"the same reason you didn't I know that with you even though I hate it, some times I need to just watch from the sideline before you can put me in coach, but next time please do wait this long" Chris said.

Maya eyebrow raised "who said there will be a next time you better be lucky you are even getting 2 out of me sir" she said.

Chris laughs "thats what your mouth is saying now we will see what it says later when you riding papi's cock" He said kissing her lips even harder as they fought for domanice.

They knew both of there families were inside and thats why they stopped and just stood enjoying each others company.

"lets take a picture babe for memories" Chris said.

They pulled apart and Maya laughed .

"Chris look at you trying to take flicks for the gram" Maya said posing next to her favorite horse.

Chris took the picture and put it on his instagram along with a picture of Maya when she was pregnant with Delilah.

Chris laughed grapped her hand and they walked inside and told everyone the good news.

This will definaly be a Mothers Day they would never forget!

#chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x black ofc #chris evans x black!reader #chris evans x poc!reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans x black reader

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dirt-cup-draco · 4 years ago

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Cedric Diggory x Reader- Due Time

Hello! Is it okay if I request something with Cedric with a Hufflepuff!Reader (or any house of your choice ) where cedric really likes the reader and leaves notes/love letters for her anonymously and reader is just really skeptical about it and weeks after that he wants to meet up and just fluff? Idk work your magic, do what's more necessary, I love you!

“That’s the third one in two weeks, isn’t it?” Hannah giggled, leaning over your shoulder as Susan peaked at the letter for just a moment before returning to her laid-back position in the arm chair she had claimed was hers on this rainy Sunday afternoon.

“Mhmm,” You confirmed, eyebrows drawn to the center of your forehead as you wondered who could possibly be sending these over-the-top declarations of adoration. It wasn’t so much the contents that were over-the-top, but the fact that the letters hadn’t stopped coming since October and you were edging your way into April. The writing was unfamiliar to you even though you’d been sneaking glances at as many people’s essays and notes- anything that would give you a hint, really- as you could.

The first letter had come to you on one of the worst days of your life. You felt at the time that it had been a friend anonymously sending you something just to cheer you up. The contents had been kind, generous even, but friendly and you hadn’t seen it is a love letter.

Y/N, it had read, the sun has gone missing with the summer months but I don’t miss it much when I see you smile. Take care.

It had been more of a note than a letter but it had still been folded neatly and left in an envelope. Somehow it had found it’s way into your bag and it was part of the reason you had assumed that either Hannah or Susan had left it. Even Hermione had been a thought. You were older than the Gryffindor but you two often studied together and she always seemed to know how to cheer you up when you entered the library looking more like a dark cloud than a person.

However, you had inquired with every friend, hoping you could find them and thank them somehow, but everyone had denied it- even going as far as to show you their handwriting when you felt at a loss for finding your anonymous bit of belief. After that, the note had morphed into letters and the words read more like a love-sick poet than a friend offering support on your hardest days.

“Why’ve you always got to frown Y/N?” Hannah pouted, bottom lip wobbling. “It’s just so lovely and you look like someone has sent you a ransom letter instead. They haven’t got anyone hostage, they just think you’re cute,”

“No, they think she’s ‘brighter than a summer sun and more beautiful than spring’s first bloomed rose’” Susan giggled from her seat, shooting you a wink as the apple of your cheeks grew warm.

“I’m not frowning,” You scowled at Hannah, disproving your point immediately, “I would just like to meet them. Their letters are very kind but it’s been months now and I’ve begun to wonder if they will actually ever speak to me,”

Hannah couldn’t seem to argue with this so you folded up the most current letter and shoved it into your bag as the bell tolled and reminded you that you needed to run halfway across the castle to make it to your next class. With a goodbye thrown over your shoulder, you vanished out of the room.

Cedric hadn’t been eavesdropping, he’d just been conveniently in the common room with you as you opened the letter that he had enchanted to float into your bag as you focused on McGonagall in transfiguration. He made the letter float laps around the classroom, out of the professors sharp and watchful eye, to make sure that no one could say where the letter originated from if Y/N inquired about it.

He couldn’t help but smile as he watched your cheeks go rosy with Susan’s painfully accurate quote from his letter and he felt a bit embarrassed himself but he couldn’t regret it. He meant every word and you ought to be told as often as possible how truly radiant and wonderful you were.

What made him pause, as you left the common room, was that you wanted to meet the author of these letters. You were right of course, he knew he could only send so many letters until you began to grow bored or even annoyed with the lengthy display of literary affection. Words of affirmation was how Cedric Diggory showed love and nothing could stop him from showing he cared for you.

You knew each other, quite well actually, and so he wasn’t a complete coward he told himself. You two had conversations when the fancy struck and when he could get his tongue untied. Sometimes you’d find him half asleep in the common room and you’d shake him awake requesting he go to his bedroom for the night out of care but he would linger and ask about your day and the two of you would chat until far later than either of you had intended.

Other times he would find you, head bent over a textbook as you sat beneath your favorite tree near the edge of the black lake. He teased one of these days the squid would come and grab your textbook from you but you’d just roll your eyes at him and pat the grass beside you, knowing he had a free period when you did.

It was in the interactions he had grown to love every bit of you and he only wanted to learn more every time he got to be in your presence.

Cedric swallowed the lump in his throat as he heard Hannah and Susan giggle, wondering who this mystery admirer could be. “He ought to hurry up and speak to her already, Y/N seems half ready to strangle whoever has been sending her those letters,”

He knew that wasn’t true, Y/N wouldn’t hurt a fly. Yet, they were correct in that he needed to borrow a bit of gryffindor courage and come clean. A sudden thought struck fear deep into his stomach. What if someone else saw Y/N in the same golden light? Would they tell her that they had been the ones to write the words that came from his heart and his heart alone? That had decided it for him. He would tell Y/N that night.

“Y/N?” you heard from your left, head buried in your arms as you rested on top of one of the tables in your common room. You hadn’t been asleep or studying, just thinking. Thinking of papers due, love letters, and the weather. Thinking of the rotation of the earth and how you weren’t really sure what made an animagus and what made a werewolf even though you were certain it was simple and you should have learned it long ago. Thinking of everything and nothing.

“Oh, yes, sorry Ced,” You mumbled, bleary eyes focusing on the boy who had taken a seat beside you. You let yourself take a moment to fall into the depth of his eyes. He had such caring eyes. Yes, the popular hufflepuff was quite the looker but he was far more than that and you had had the pleasure of speaking with him some during the school year. You considered him a friend and you hoped he did too, seeing as he had been the one to approach you.

“Everything okay?” You asked, stifling a yawn and looking around you to see that your fellow housemates had left the common room while you had been lost in all of your thoughts and non-thoughts.

“Yeah!” He replied a bit too cheery, voice pitching towards the end. Cedric winced and your eyebrows crinkled in that familiar way that made him want to smooth the lines away and ask what was worrying you. His stomach flipped comfortably and he let out an easier breath.

“Yeah,” He tried again, more relaxed. “Just wanted to talk to you ‘bout something, actually,”

“Oh?” You perked up, sleep falling from your eyes as you became more alert. Worry settled in your gut. Was Cedric certain everything was okay? You couldn’t bear thinking anything was wrong but you were honored that if something was wrong he wanted to come speak with you.

“Yes, I have something for you,” The boy tried to keep his tone even but he couldn’t but feel some excitement swirl in his gut. He knew it was the right thing to tell you now and this seemed a good way to do it. Tugging a crisp envelope from his pocket he handed it to you and watched confusion paint over your worried expression.

“Open it,” He encouraged.

“But it looks like-” You caught yourself, staring down at the familiar envelope. Surely Cedric couldn’t be the one sending you such attentive letters? You didn’t interact as often as once a day even if you would like to. You told yourself you were being silly and hopeful, your friend just had something to show you and you were letting the letters get in the way of that.

To cover up your hesitation you opened the envelope eagerly, unfolding the paper to find a familiar scrawl. Your heart flipped and your stomach flew.

Hogsmeade this weekend?

The option to check a box labelled yes sat beside another identical box labelled no and you stared with wide and startled eyes at Cedric.

“You mean you were the one?” You croaked, eyes growing glossy. Putting a face to the letters made them mean exponentially more. Such kind eyes, such a kind heart.

“Y-yeah,” Cedric breathed out, hand skating nervously against the back of his neck. “Just wanted to cheer you up one day when you looked down but then we started talking more and I just needed you to know how brilliant you are otherwise I’d explode but I was too nervous to tell you and well... I just kept writing and didn’t stop.”

“Oh Ced,” You gasped, realization dawning on you. “You heard me in the common room earlier? I never meant to pressure you-”

“No, no, Y/N,” He chuckled, his hand reaching for your arm before bashfulness overtook him and he pulled away. “It was time I said something, but....”

He trailed off meaningfully, eyes downcast and you followed his gaze to the unchecked boxes.

“Oh!” you giggled, that familiar red crawling up your neck to the tips of your ears. Grabbing your quill you checked a box, drying the ink with a spell before folding the parchment and putting it back inside the envelope. Standing, you handed Cedric the letter and brushed a daring kiss to his cheek before you ran upstairs leaving him absolutely giddy and more than confused.

After shaking himself from his reverie, he tore at the envelope and noticed a neat X trapped within the confines of the box titled Yes.

Cedric couldn’t fight the grin that spread from ear to ear and you were upstairs battling the same problem of a too-wide smile. It was long overdue he said something and you were more than happy he had.

You both fell asleep as the sun started to lighten the world outside your drawn curtains. It would come back to bite the both of you once classes started but neither of you could get your upcoming Hogsmeade date out of mind. When you caught his eye during breakfast you knew that your sleepless night had been well worth it.

#credric x reader #cedric diggory x reader #fluff #request #all of you anons are lovely and I appreciate your patience #and my non-anons #you are all brilliant #Cedric x hufflepuff!reader

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