#those tiles... took the longest....

[thelordfool]

i forget who it was that shared POOLS on my time line... well, now my art is going into the game. Thanks!

[phan3145]

Title: Slippery Slope. Fandom: Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Blood, Intensity…Implications) Pairing: Eventual Noa x Human!Reader.

***Note: Guys…I literally have no idea why I went this hard with this chapter, it’s 8K+ and not even that integral to the plot, but every time I wanted to cut something I simply couldn’t. I’m posting this so quick and then going to bed. 🙈 As always, comments are welcomed and encouraged!

Chapter 5: Evolution

You

Waiting for the apes to tie up their horses was the longest couple of minutes of your life. You practically launched yourself up the steps two at a time. They had to run to keep up with you as you pushed through the double doors, feet echoing off the tile floor. This place was massive! You searched for some indication of where to go, spinning in a circle as you took it all in. The ivy and growing trees did nothing to diminish the beauty of the architecture, the dome above you holding a replica globe of the Earth taking the breath from your lungs. While the power no longer worked, the tile mural surrounding it still held an ancient grace to it as well. What must it have been like to see it bright and new?

Most of the color had faded, but the blue was still prevalent, reminding you of the night sky before the last sliver of light disappeared and turned it black. The rich sea color faded into the white stone of the building, and squinting, you could almost make out the sculptures carved into the walls. Probably Greek inspired…or maybe something else more ancient. It was all too faded to tell.

A noise behind you drew your attention from the ceiling, to your companions. Soona had dropped her sling, her expression matching Anaya and Noa’s as they took in the same grandeur that you had. You let them have that moment, padding over to what you imagined was the main desk. You shifted through decaying papers and old technology that no longer worked, looking for some sort of directory or map.

“Noa…reminds me of…light tunnel,” you heard Soona say. “Echos…made this too?”

You heard Noa grunt, taking a few steps before addressing you, “What is…this…Library?”

You didn’t look up, responding as you shuffled more things about, “It holds the mind and memory of humanity in it. Everything humans know about love, nature, science, math, religion, language, and history is in this building.”

You thought for a moment you had found it, a piece of color coated laminated paper within a folder, but it only showed where emergency exits were in case of a fire. Anaya took that time to chime in, “ Only know…three of those words.”

“That is why we are here.” Noa said, “Caesar understood…human things that…we do not…how do we learn?”

You figured that last bit was directed at you, explaining, “It’s written down in all the books here, thousands of years of information. Everything that is and ever was…excluding the fall of humanity of course. It’s not like we need that though, we already know how that happened.”

“We do?” Noa asked.

You stopped then, “You know who Caesar is, so you know how he was involved with the fall of humanity.”

“In..volved?” Noa looked skeptical.

“Well, yeah. If it wasn’t for…” you trailed off. Your eyes locked on to an old board hanging from an upper level, three giant letters on it that you recognized. Three letters that were exactly what you were looking for. “We can compare notes some other time, come this way.”

Old escalators that no longer worked took you up a level to where a long forgotten map was. You took the hem of your shirt and wiped the dirt and grime from it, barely able to make out the colors, let alone the words. Somehow, eyes straining from the effort, you managed to make out key letters. You knew where you were going after this. All you needed to know now was what Noa, Anaya, and Soona wanted.

You turned to them then, “This is it. What do you want to know? I’ll tell you where it is.”

The three shared a look, remaining so quiet you wondered if taking charge of their Caesar Journey had upset them. Anaya made to sign, but Noa stopped him with a hand over his. He began to sign instead, but they were gestures you didn’t recognize. You hadn’t learned a lot of sign, but you were picking up on certain gestures and had learned enough to usually understand what the apes were talking about. Noa knew this. It was deliberate, Noa silencing Anaya. The thought caused something in your stomach to plummet. Soona’s mouth opened then, as if sensing your sudden mood shift, gaze locking with yours, but a quick glance to Noa’s hands had her mouth shutting again.

You took a step away from the map then, hand still resting on the surface as a sort of tether. The space was needed though, no matter how small, between yourself and the trio. You were cruelly reminded then, that no matter what, at the end of the day, you are not an ape. They are not humans. You trusted them not to hurt you, and they trusted you to a point, but their full trust would probably never be earned. You are not an ape…you are an echo of a bygone era.

An Echo…and how they never let you forget it. You felt your jaw tighten, teeth clenched as you looked back down at the map in front of you. A month…only a month. A drop in the bucket compared to how long you’ve been alive, and look how quickly you forgot what their kind had taken from you. Look how comfortable you had become with them. Look how much you came to care for each of them…and trust them. Was it mutual though? Their continued silence screamed no.

“Symbols…in books?” Anaya asked.

You scrunched your eyebrows, “Do you mean letters?”

Soona leaned forward, head slightly bowed as she confessed, “We are not sure….do not understand human…markings.”

“Wait, Noa you said…” you stopped yourself, frustration pushed to the wayside for now. Playing back the conversation in your head from your first meeting, you thought it was only Noa who couldn’t read, but apes in general could. You assumed since he knew what books were at all, that his village could read. Noa never brought it up again, and after finding out he was the leader of the Eagle Clan, you figured he just didn’t have the time to learn. That wasn’t the case it seemed, as you confirmed, “Apes can’t read at all, can they?”

“No,” Noa admitted, the word sounding as if it was forcibly pulled from his mouth.

One word, but the impact was massive. They were showing you and somewhat teaching you sign, but none of them could read. You brought them into a building of power, but that power only belonged to you in this instance. You thought the balance was always disproportionate between the apes and yourself, and it had been…just not in the way you expected. Guilt threatened to choke you now, as you reevaluated what their silence and secrecy had meant. If you were who you were months ago, you would let them stew in their own ignorance, but as it stood now? You knew better.

You let out a sigh, eyes wandering back to the map for a moment, “I have a feeling we’ll be visiting here often. For now, follow me.”

“Where?” Noa questioned, the three apes not hesitating to follow you as you began to move.

You went around the escalator, seeing across the way that what you needed was laid out in faded colors and deteriorating furniture. “To the only section that’s going to matter for the foreseeable future.”

Knuckles gently nudged your shoulder, so soft you almost didn’t feel it. You turned, it was Anaya, “Symbols…not letters?”

You hesitated, trying to think how best to explain, “Symbols can be both letters and pictures. Pictures are drawings. See a symbol is…anything that has meaning behind it. Think of…that pendant of yours you keep tied around your shoulder sling for Caesar. That’s a symbol.”

“How?” Noa challenged, looking more confused.

“So, it’s basic design is a diamond within a circle.” You began, stopping at a book shelf, drawing said symbol in the dust. Off to the side, a book cover labeled Learning Your ABC’s caught your attention. “Nothing about that particularly resembles anything to do with apes or ape culture, right?”

There were nods all around, Noa adding, “It became a symbol for the order of Caesar.”

“Right!” You smiled, “But someone first had to give it that meaning. Before Caesar, if someone drew that symbol what would it have meant?”

Confused stares followed your question, maybe that was too philosophical for them. Of course, as you thought that, Soona chimed in, “Would mean…nothing without Caesar…just shapes…the shapes meant something…important to him.”

“Exactly,” you picked up the book that had originally caught your attention, opening it up to a random page. L is for Lion stared back at you as you turned the book to show them. “These symbols have meaning, both the letter and the picture. This is the letter L, and this is an animal we called a lion. It starts with the letter L, this is how we taught children to understand it and make the connection.”

Anaya pushed his finger onto the page, moving across it as he asked, “What about the other letters?”

“It takes more than one letter to make up a word…usually anyway. This book is just meant to help children memorize the twenty-six letters and the sounds they make. The pictures will help them remember and associate the sound with the letter and the word.”

Noa seemed to look around then, taking in where they were standing. His brow furrowed, “This is for children…will not learn about…Caesar from this.”

“You’re right.” You countered, “You will learn how to read though, and then you can learn about humanity as Caesar knew it.”

“Noa…” Soona brushed his arm. He turned to her, “This is…better…Caesar could read…so we should…too.”

Anaya, ever easily distracted, wandered over to a table where a few forgotten books covered in dust remained. He called over his shoulder, “Want to learn…know what our Echo knows…seems easy enough…if Echo children can understand…then should be no problem…for clever ape.”

Noa’s jaw rotated, an agitated huff leaving him. Anaya had picked up a book from the table, turning random pages. He looked to Noa then, who was looking at him in what you could only describe as malice. It wasn’t a look you had ever seen on Noa’s face before, and it was aimed at Anaya, which surprised you even more. Anaya hooted, closing his book and pacing back over to the group.

A nerve had been struck, clearly, but you couldn’t tell what it was. Unless, it was the taunt of it being easy in general. As soon as it appeared Noa quickly let it go, relaxing his body with a hum, turning back to you. “You would…be able to…teach us?”

You nodded once, “Yes.”

“Why?” Soona asked, the question seeming to surprise even her once it left her mouth.

It was a good question though. Why did you do half the things you did for these apes? Why did you decide to trust them? Why did you spend your days with them? All questions came back to the same answer, “I care about you, all three of you. Understanding Caesar is important to you, and if learning how to read will help you better understand Caesar, then teaching you is important to me.”

There was a pause, a beat of silence and hesitation, then Soona reached out. Her hand clasped your shoulder. You smiled, stiffening slightly when she pulled your towards her, leaning her head forward and touching it to yours. You weren’t expecting it, still surprised by the gesture in general. The sentiment was there though.

Anaya reached over Noa to nudge Soona then, “Do not touch…Echo Soona…told does not like.”

You laughed, Soona letting out something similar to a groan as she swiveled her head away from you to look at Anaya, “That…was different.”

“Different how?” Anaya demanded, puffing his cheeks.

Noa and I seemed caught in the middle, catching each others eyes before both glancing to Soona, “Because I…am not you…Anaya.”

Anaya opened his mouth comically wide, gasping dramatically before pointing a finger at Soona, “Not fair!”

Soona and Noa both let out loud hoots, Anaya chiming in a moment later with a disgruntled screech or two of his own. Your laugh blended with theirs, tears forming at the corners of your eyes. You couldn’t remember the last time you laughed this much in your life before meeting the trio. Maybe things just seemed funnier when you had others around you to laugh with. You had to gasp in a breath by the end of your laughter. Soona and Anaya were making faces at each other now, but Noa was gazing at you. Staring more like, eyes trained on your mouth, then shifting to your eyes. His, seemed to be holding a question.

You cleared your throat, not giving him time to voice it. “I’m going to look for a few basic books on learning the alphabet. Normally, I would say don’t judge a book by its cover, but in this case, look around. Each of you pick two or three books for us to take back with us, whatever catches your eye.”

Anaya still had that one book in his hand. He clutched it to his chest, going down on three of his limbs to be more level with the shelves. He began to look and scan for a few more. Soona wandered down the rows, picking a book and scanning through its pages before putting it back. You supposed she was making her decision based on the pictures she saw. That was a way to do it.

That’s when you noticed that Noa hadn’t moved. That question still remained in his eyes, and it twisted something in your stomach. You couldn’t face him. You turned, crouching down to scan the shelf you found the Learning Your ABC’s on, hoping to find similar books in the same area. You could feel him at your back, his eyes burning that familiar hole into you. At this point, you would think you would have built up an immunity to it, but with Noa… you were afraid you would always be affected. He shuffled around you then, coming to rest in the peripheral vision of your right side. His back was to Anaya and Soona, his sheer size blocking you from their view and vice versa.

You tried to keep your eyes on the titles, but they were blurring together as you tried not to squirm under his gaze. A long sigh through his nose, then, “I am…sorry.”

That caught you off guard, nearly giving yourself whiplash as you turned to look up at him. “What? Why? What for?”

He crouched then to be level with you, “For not sharing…the truth with you…I did not lie…but I hid it from you…saw what that did to you.”

“What do you mean?” You asked. “You saw what?”

Noa placed a hand on his chest, “Inside…you were…hurt…when I stopped Anaya…signed things you did not understand.”

“You can’t see what I’m feeling on the inside.” You snapped, turning back to the books, refusing to look at him. To hear him confirm what you thought at the time, somehow did not make it better. The fact that he recognized your hurt made his apology almost seem hollow.

“You are…right.” Noa hesitated, “But I can…see it in your eyes…and when you cackle…you said…can also be from relief…tears in your eyes…and relief from hurt…hurt that I caused…from keeping secrets.”

Your jaw clenched as you pulled another book from the shelf, flipping through it to find a few exercises. You hated how even when Noa was wrong, what he said was somehow right. You hated that he could read you so well, as if he’d known you your entire life. You tried not to let your anger spiral, a tinge of bitterness creeping into you voice as you replied, “You are not obligated to tell me anything, Noa. You certainly don’t owe me an apology for telling apes things you think an Echo wouldn’t like or understand.”

“I tell you…now,” He countered. “Told them…that I had mislead you…about ape knowledge…that Caesar Journey could not…happen without you…the truth…you know more than we do…needed you here with us…could not learn…without you.”

You tilted your head at the books in front of you, fighting the urge to turn, “There was a lot more signing than just that.”

“Told them…it was your choice,” Noa continued. “We speak truth…and if you decide not to…help us…that was your choice…but it does not change…us.”

“Us?” You questioned.

Noa said your name then.

The suddenness, and the softness of it almost took you out of your body. He did not often call you by your name, for whatever reason. You couldn’t help it then, even if you wanted to, you felt yourself shift, slowly turning to face Noa. He looked ashamed, mouth downturned and shoulders hunched in more than usual. His eyes, pleading a thousand different things, searched yours. He said it again.

“You…and Soona…and Anaya…and me…us.” The anger in your heart cooled as Noa continued, “Will not change…ever…because you do not want…to do something we ask…not how this…works…you are free…make decisions about…your life…ape not interfere.”

You hadn’t even realized that was a true fear of yours. Deep down, along with never having their full trust, you had to admit that a quiet part of you also whispered things like that. How dangerous it could be for you if you ever refused one of them. Everyone gets along as long as everyone is happy, right? But…a disagreement, an argument, a demand? What would happen then if you said no?

The fact Noa had even thought about that, showed how much he was aware of the dynamics between you and the apes. More so than you, or rather, more willing to think about it in reality instead of pretending it didn’t exist. Something about that touched you. Noa was always being considerate of you, and your feelings. Having him as a friend, was altering not only your life, but your perception on apes. If more were like him…you let the thought die. Noa was Noa, there would never be another ape like him.

“Though it wasn’t the best time to say that,” you started softly. “Thank you, for caring about my feelings, about my freedom. I’m sure that Anaya and Soona appreciated the truth too. I trust that what you’re telling me now is the truth.”

“It is,” Noa replied, a tinge of desperation to his voice.

You smiled then, bringing a tentative hand up to cup his shoulder, “Then don’t worry about it anymore. All is forgiven.”

He huffed in relief, hand coming up to mirror yours, clasping onto your shoulder. His grip, shifting back and forth, rocked you slightly with it, “I am glad.”

You felt a traitorous smile creep up before you let go of him, shrugging his hand off your shoulder as you moved to your feet. You didn’t miss the surprise or slight hurt in his eyes as his hand fell from you. You were still a little too raw for his touch though, as much as you didn’t want to admit it. You had forgiven him, and it was water under the bridge, but in the back of your mind you still wondered when something like this would happen again. You couldn’t blame him now for things that might happen in the future, so space was what you needed now. You needed to ground yourself and refocus on the task at hand.

Noa stood, looking down at you still. You grabbed two more books at the shelf, stacking them and holding them by your side. You tried in some small way to apologize for shying away from his touch, playfully pushing against his arm, “I think I have everything I need for now, go find your books before Anaya and Soona take all of the good ones. I need to make sure no one has two of the same before we leave.”

Noa nodded, grunting, “Will be dusk…by the time we return.”

You shrugged, “Good thing I’m not the one guiding the horse then.”

He chuffed at that, beginning a slow pace away from you, looking as if he wanted to say more but did not. Soona passed him as he walked away, coming over to you with three books in her hands. She laid them down on the shelf in front of you for your inspection, and you smiled down at the familiar titles your mother had read copies of to you as a child.

Goodnight Moon was a classic of course, and was top to bottom covered in illustrations. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be too boring for her. Then again, though she was an adult ape, to your knowledge, she also had never read anything before. You couldn’t imagine she would complain this early on. Then your eyes landed on The Giving Tree. You felt a pang in your heart, having mixed feelings about the story now as an adult. It was a bittersweet story when you didn’t look at it through the eyes of a child.

Your brows furrowed as your eyes skimmed over the third book. You picked it up, reading allowed, “Stellaluna…I’ve never heard of this one before.”

There was a picture of a bat clinging to the branch of a tree, in what looked to be autumn. The illustration was beautiful, the bat looking so lifelike. You went to open the book but Soona stopped you, gently taking it from your grasp and holding it tightly, “We read…together.”

You were confused by her actions, but decided if she felt so strongly on the matter that you should respect her wishes. You smiled, “Okay, that’s fine with me. You picked really good ones, I remember the other two from my childhood. They are simple, but I think you’ll enjoy them.”

Soona nodded, “Pictures…tell a lot about…the story…I think.”

You snickered, “Well, enjoy them while you can. Books that were written for adult humans, things that Noa will probably be interested it, won’t have pictures in them.”

Soona looked crestfallen for a moment before both of you startled. Anaya, who was on the other side of the shelf, had rather roughly dropped his books next to Soona’s. He tapped them three times with his knuckles, gesturing to himself then to you, “Anaya’s books…good for learning?”

You saw the cover of the first one, another smile threatening to split your face in half. Green Eggs and Ham was very repetitive, and you were sure Anaya was either going to love it or hate it. You moved it aside, humming in approval to see The Rainbow Fish, which didn’t really surprise you. While Soona seemed to focus on books where pictures also told the story, Anaya seemed focused primarily on bright colors and designs on the covers. Still, you had to admit that the moral behind the story was a sweet one. It would be good for him.

You moved that one to the side to reveal his final pick. Unlike with Soona’s, you knew this one. It still made you pause. You locked every muscle in your body, fighting back laughter as If You Give a Mouse a Cookie stared back at you. You weren’t sure why it struck you as funny, and you didn’t want to laugh at Anaya’s choice, especially when you couldn’t explain why to him. You swallowed down the laughter, feeling your lungs burn from the lack of oxygen as you held your breath.

Anaya, more observant than you gave him credit for, let his expression fall, mouth hanging open slightly as he asked, “Bad?…Bad book?…Echo is quiet…why is Echo quiet?”

You took in a large breath of air through your mouth, “No Anaya, it’s not a bad book. It’s actually a very sweet book, sort of funny too. It reminds me of you actually. This is the book for you.”

Anaya seemed confused but relieved, snatching his books back from the table and holding them close to his chest, as if someone would try to take them from him. That did have you chuckling, looking behind Soona but not seeing Noa is the rows and shelves of books. You turned left, facing Anaya and looking over his shoulder. The ape mirrored you, looking behind him before turning back to you.

“Echo…looking for…what?” Anaya asked.

“Where’s Noa?” You wondered aloud before a light brush of your shoulder had you jumping out of your skin. You gasped in a breath, turning to find Noa behind you, “You scared me, when did you even walk behind me?”

“When you were…trying not to cackle.” Noa answered cheekily. Said playfulness disappeared as quickly as it arrived though, replaced with an anxious expression.

He raised the three books in his hands to you. You took them carefully, knowing right away Noa’s choices were not as simple as Soona’s or Anaya’s. On top of that, you only knew one of them, not sure how the other two would fair. Peter and the Wolf was a story you heard growing up as a child, a cautionary tale about being smart but also being able to be brave in the face of danger. It was a bit of a longer read, but still doable with illustrations to help set the story. The other two struck you as odd. One was The Mitten, and it was short enough, but just by looking at the cover you weren’t sure what it was about. You hoped nothing gruesome.

The final book, while being slightly illustrated, was not a beginner book. And the title alone…you had to crack open the book to make sure it was in English. It was, but still the title intrigued you, “Rikki Tikki Tavi…what on Earth? I’ve never heard of this one, and where did you even find it?”

Noa gestured to a reading table behind him where many books were spread out across it. You bit the inside of your mouth, knowing it was not meant to be in this section, but was probably placed there so long ago, it’s reader thinking they would be right back. You didn’t want to insult him, but you also knew he would have to work his way up to this one.

You sighed, “The other two are fine but this one, well…it’s not for beginners Noa. You’ll have to learn a lot before you read this one. If you want to pick another one you can, we can wait.”

He huffed, “No…take now…will learn to read it.”

There was a moment of warring wills before you decided, for whatever reason, he was not going to budge. You shrugged a shoulder, “Alright, the three of you will eventually swap stories before we come back anyway. We’ll make…Rikki Tikki Tavi our goal. Such a weird name.”

“Sounds fun…to say.” Anaya chimed in.

You chuckled, “Always a bright side with you, Anaya. If that’s everything, let’s grab the books and head out. Are we stopping anywhere else?”

This was directed at Noa, who took not only his books, but scooped yours up as well. You started to protest but he argued, “You must…mount first…we are heading home now.”

You stretched your arms, rolling your shoulders as you imagined the ride back. Then, you remembered the jump and you cringed at the thought of how often it would be happening in the future. What had you gotten yourself into?

That’s when you remembered, “When we get back you can leave your books with me, they’ll probably be safer that way.”

Noa and Soona nodded, but Anaya hesitated. He shuffled, asking, “Why not safe…with Anaya?”

You tilted your head slightly, eyebrows drawing together, “The books are fragile, made from paper. Getting them wet or dirty would mean they would fall apart. My shelter is pretty water proof, so…”

Now it was your turn to hesitate. You weren’t sure what their sleeping arrangements were like. You had assumed a few crude huts at most. Apes in the past usually used man-made structures that already existed as their nest, and the ones who didn’t chose caves or huts made from tree branches. Then, there were a few you came across that slept in trees. You figured, since there were no cities nearby in the first place, they probably slept in trees or huts, only now realizing how wrong you might be. You had never seen their village.

Noa, sensing your struggle, came to your rescue, “Echo is right…safer with her…other apes…will not understand…Echo books.”

“I promise to keep them safe, Anaya.” You said.

He looked reluctant, but nodded in the end. With that, the four of you headed out. Soona and Anaya tucked their books into their packs along their horses’ backs, starting to untie their reigns while Noa followed suit. You took this time to put a foot in the stirrup and practically throw your weight up and over, wanting to make the attempt while Noa was distracted. You let out a breath, thankful it only took you one try, and this time you didn’t need Noa’s help.

You turned, noticing the grin on Noa’s face as he tightened the strap on the pack to secure it. Your spear was still there, resting above the satchel, tied nicely but loosely should you need it. You felt the horse underneath you shuffle, whipping its tail in Noa’s face, and you had to laugh to yourself. With three apes, you probably didn’t need to bring a spear with you. Maybe next time you’ll just bring a small knife, or even forgo the weapon all together. After all, with three apes and as many horses at your side, you were more than confident you could protect each other. And, less weight for the horse to carry.

Said horse shuffled again, still tied to the post. You naturally grabbed the mane, feeling it trot in place. It’s jerking movements steadily progressing, until it was almost full blown bucking. Then, you noticed it wasn’t just yours, hearing a whinny from Soona’s horse. Anaya’s horse reared up on its back hooves, with Anaya holding on for dear life. You called Noa’s name, who was attempting to soothe his horse, looking to Anaya and Soona for an answer of what was happening.

Something was definitely wrong.

Soona stood up in her stirrups, one hand still on the neck of her horse in a comforting gesture. She scanned the area, sniffing loudly before her eyes widened, lowering herself and turning towards us, “Need to leave…Noa need to leave…now.”

Anaya’s head jerked in the direction of something behind you, screeching out, “Noa move!”

You had just enough time to turn to see a large, black mass charge towards Noa. He leapt off the ground, using the horse as leverage. He landed on the concrete steps of the library, somewhat off kilter. Ready to move again, stopped only by his horse rearing up again, Noa tried his best to assess the situation. Soona’s and Anaya’s horses followed suit, bucking and stomping their feet at the mass beneath them.

A boar.

You heard the squeal and grunts before you saw it’s next charge, the boar moving faster than you thought possible for something that size. It took everything in you to stay in the saddle, hearing Anaya hiss at the animal as Soona prepped her sling. It wouldn’t do her much good you realized, your eyes landing on the spear just an arms length away.

“Soona…Anaya…ride!” Noa yelled, attempting to free his horse while avoiding its wild bucking and the boar’s charging.

You noticed the triangular path it made, attempting to maul anything that wouldn’t kick it, or would hold still long enough. A damaged horse leg meant death for the animal, some distant memory whispered in your brain. The fact the tusks of the boar hadn’t found any soft flesh yet was a miracle. Soona took off immediately, Anaya’s horse attempting a few more stomps before it too took off down the road.

The boar attempted to give chase, just long enough for Noa to finally release the reigns from the post. The next second felt like a minute as you realized how far away you were from the jump of the barricade. You weren’t sure how long these horses could run, knowing they were used to walking long distances. Boars could chase down their enemies for long distances, like apes they were also territorial. Of course, between now and reaching the barricade, if one of the horses was injured…

Your hand was on your spear before you could blink, your feet kicking the horse beneath you into an immediate gallop. Noa’s snarl and subsequent screech would probably haunt you in the afterlife if there was one. You couldn’t look back, hearing him scream, “What are you doing…Stop!”

You couldn’t, the boar already heading straight for you and your horse. You gripped the spear tightly, reminding yourself that humans used to be the dominant species. Humans road horses long before apes did. You also tried to remind yourself what Noa had taught you about riding at a run. Still, your left hand gripped the spear in a firm hold, your right hand winding the horses mane around it like you had as a child. You silently apologized to the horse, letting the reigns rest on the pommel as you prepared for the fight.

The first pass of the boar was uneventful, your horse easily dodging, and you weren’t ready to use your spear just yet, testing the distance. Noa, originally safe on the steps of the library, tried making his way to you by leaping from perch to perch of buildings and old cars. You were relieved that he knew to avoid the ground. A quick turn had you circling the boar, trying to keep the distance close to avoid a charge, but far enough away it couldn’t outright attack.

It lunged, but you were ready, landing a hit to its right shoulder. Blood coated the tip of your spear now, but the blow didn’t so much as make the boar stumble. It followed through on its lunge, but thankfully a kick to its jaw from the back hoof of your horse forced it away. It still stood though, head shaking as it put distance between itself and you. You swallowed, eyes darting towards your horses legs just long enough to see there was no damage.

You heard Anaya and Soona approach tentatively, ready to flank the animal if need be. They didn’t seem to move forward though, allowing you the chance to take it down or scare it off yourself. You were grateful for the confidence, your stomach wanting to rebel against you as the boar charged again. You jabbed lower, more harshly this time to penetrate the fat of its side, close to its underbelly. This time, it ran away from you naturally. Noa’s horse, who seemed to understand now what was happening, was already circling the animal as you had done before.

Avoid charging distance.

You almost felt bad for the creature, blood dripping from its mouth as it started to incessantly charge and run at your horse. Still, you avoided each strike, Noa’s horse skillfully trotting from place to place as you tried to hit a major organ or muscle that would bring the beast down. Strike after strike, and still nothing, just flesh wounds. You decided your strategy needed to change. Your horse would tire eventually, and the cruelty of repeated strikes wounded something in your soul. The boar wouldn’t give up, wouldn’t leave, so you needed to end it.

You had an idea, but if it failed you were probably as good at dead. You noticed Noa keeping time with your movements while also keeping his distance as Soona and Anaya were. If it did fail, there was a small chance they could get to you in time. With that small hope, you unwound the horses mane from your wrist, gripping the reigns instead, turning the horse from the boar’s next charge and running it in the opposite direction. This seemed to confuse all parties present.

The boar, of course, did what you knew it would. It gave chase, charging relentlessly for your horse’s legs. You allowed it to chase, turning your horse around again to stab once more as you had been doing. Another wound, but still it stood. You weren’t striking hard enough, deep enough. You were too weak, too far away. You sent your horse galloping again, headed straight for Anaya and Soona. Their faces didn’t seem to understand what your plan was, but a quick glance at Noa showed you he had some idea what you were up to.

Your right leg was out of the stirrup, your hips screaming as you kept them wide enough to keep your seat, but bent your knee and tucked your leg as close to your body as possible. Your foot braced underneath you as much as it could, and you tested your weight on your left foot in the stirrup. It was solid. You held it there, turning to see the boar gaining once more.

That’s when your right hand released the reigns, both hands gripping your spear as you did the quickest maneuver of your life. You inverted your stance, left heel in the stirrup now as your toes pointed outwards, standing on said foot, your right leg swung over then in a phantom dismount. The momentum on your left side felt like you had been bucked off the horse, sending you straight for the boar. The tip of your spear was aimed for the center of the boars head, where snout met skull, right between its eyes.

The force of you leap from the saddle had been enough to carry you directly into it, feeling the spear slice through flesh and bone. You allowed yourself to launch forward in a type of pole vault past the boar as it dropped, releasing your spear. The last thing you wanted was to get trapped underneath the animal, whether or not your stunt had been enough to kill it. You hit the ground, nothing close to gently. You bounced and rolled a few feet, hearing fabric rip and your bones shake. You felt the burning of your palms against the asphalt as you made a single attempt to stop yourself before you willed your body into a limp state.

When you finally stopped moving, you felt sore all over. You wondered briefly if anything was broken, but a quick flex of your arm and leg muscles confirmed that it was just soreness. You couldn’t hear anything other than a slight ring at first, senses coming back to you slowly. How long had you been on the ground? You raised your head, the muzzle of Noa’s horse the first thing you saw. The sound of snuffling faintly reached your ears, the hairs on the top of your head moving from the force of the horse’s breath. You reached up, patting its nose with the tips of your fingers before laboriously lifting yourself up into a kneeling position. You kept your bleeding hands clutched into your lap, palms pressed into the material of your pants.

That’s when everything came into view.

The boar was still on the ground, your spear still protruding from its head. Soona and Anaya were heading towards it, their eyes locked on you though. Noa’s horse had moved to your left, out of your line of sight now. It was standing behind you as you looked to where Noa had been. He wasn’t there now, he was…suddenly beside you. He called your name again, the marvel of hearing it three times in one day had a small spark of joy shoot through you.

You tried to focus on what he said, but everything was coming in too fast for you to process. You could see Anaya grab the spear from the boar’s head as they rode towards you. Noa gripped your chin in his hand, turning your head towards him. His face came so close to yours, but you couldn’t back up, his grip iron. He sniffed loudly, his other hand smoothing around your head and digging into your hair.

He looked confused, but you couldn’t figure out why. He pulled at the edges of your shirt and your jacket around your neck, hands trailing down your arms then. He moved on to your back, leaning you forward with that same hand grasping your chin. His other hand roamed the expanse of your spine, swiping up the hair at the back of your neck. You felt his hand move again before stilling, unable to disguise the clear look of shock on his face. When his hand came back into view he was holding the entire backing of your jacket. The frayed ends and shredded middle clued you in to what that ripping noise had been. It basically saved your back from looking like your hands.

Soona and Anaya dismounted then, Anaya carrying your spear as they approached carefully, both sniffing the air. Soona said something you couldn’t hear, head foggy but starting to clear up the longer you sat there. Looking around them to the animal at their backs, you found your voice enough to ask, “Is it dead?”

“You should be dead!” Noa’s booming voice suddenly echoed in your ears.

You cringed away, groaning from the noise, “Not so loud.”

“He is right,” Soona’s soft voice brushed by then. “Whatever that was…should not have worked.”

Anaya seemed very excited as he proclaimed, “But it did…you killed it!”

You nodded slowly, not sure you could trust your legs to stand, but needing to either way. Noa’s hand on your shoulder stopped you. You looked up at him as he demanded, “Do not move…you are injured…smell blood.”

“I do too,” Soona confirmed.

You looked down then, pools of drying blood spreading across the material covering your lap. You turned your palms then, seeing the broken skin for the first time as you raised them up for the apes inspection.

Soona looked very concerned, turning to Noa as Anaya made small, rapid sounding hoots of concern. Noa did not hesitate, digging into the side bag on his horse and pulling out a small pouch of red looking paste. He smeared his fingers with it before slathering it onto your palm. The sting was immediate, causing you to hiss and jerk away out of instinct, but Noa did not allow you to go far with a hand on your back.

Your awareness pivoted to the warm leathery feel of his hand as it touched the bare skin of your back, only then remembering the state of your clothes. Your shirt was still in one piece, but sliced up just the same. Once he knew you wouldn’t move again, he yanked the wrap on his left arm from his body. He immediately began wrapping your left hand, the blood soaking through the first few passes before finally being confined to just your hand.

Noa looked to your right hand, seeing he had excess materiel. He made to rip the band, but Anaya stopped him, pulling away his own arm wrap and handing it to Noa. He said nothing, but you nodded towards Anaya, gasping through the pain of the red paste once more. “Thank you, A-Anaya.”

He grimaced, but grunted, “For Echo…anything.”

Noa finished wrapping your right hand, looking down at your pants as if you had soiled them. You remembered then, that Echo blood is revolting to apes, which probably explains the looks of disgust they were sharing. Anaya pivoted away from the group, taking a few steps towards the boar, then swiveled back before asking, “How…get home?”

“We…will not.” Noa responded with a sense of finality to his tone, offering you an arm to help you stand. You stumbled, but quickly caught yourself with his help. At first you thought they meant you, until Noa clarified, “Too big…hide too damaged…predator will clean for us…come nightfall.”

“But she fought,” Soona protested as Noa spotted your weight, making your way towards his horse. “Her honest kill…must be honored…we witnessed it…that is the law.”

Anaya was suddenly in charge of your weight, Noa passing you off to him as he mounted. He huffed, nostrils actually flaring as he argued with Soona, “Nothing we can do…out here…need to focus on…getting Echo home.”

Soona, not to be deterred, stamped her right hand into her left palm, “It is the law…Noa!”

“Law does not matter,” Noa hissed. He turned his gaze to Anaya, whose arm was wrapped around your waist and his other hand was holding your head. He refused to hand you over while Noa was fighting with Soona, which only seemed to enrage him more. “Will be dark…by the time we get back…do not have time for this…need Echo to be home…to be safe…for all of us to be safe!”

“Why does the law…not matter Noa?” Soona pushed.

You saw every muscles in Noa’s body tense, his breathing harsh as he and Soona stared each other down. You felt Anaya flinch beneath you before he grunted, “If that is the reason…then Noa should have…courage to say it.”

You felt like you were missing something important, but all you could focus on was how upset Noa was. You wanted to comfort him, but even now you felt yourself getting weaker the longer you stood. You allowed more of your weight to rest with Anaya, who had to readjust his grip to keep you upright. Still, he would not hand you to Noa.

Said Ape jumped from the saddle, anger burning in his eyes as he stared at Soona. You thought he would take you from Anaya by force as his gaze shifted, but instead he shouldered past you. He was out of your line of sight, but a few moments later you heard what sounded like the snapping of bones. You flinched each time, the sound sending chills up your spine.

When Noa returned, he grunted. You could see him now, in his left hand were the two tusks of the boar. His right hand, covered in what you assumed was it’s blood, raised towards your head. He paused before touching you, eyes softening as he silently waited for your permission. You hummed your approval before he made, what felt like, a W between your brows on your forehead.

Soona came towards you then, placing a hand on the top of your head, Anaya’s hand already occupying a side. Noa placed his on the remaining space, saying, “You have protected…the Eagle Clan…with this honest kill…in front of the witnesses…of your bravery…in the name of the elders who came before…as Master of Birds I…honor you now.”

You felt their hands, all but Anaya’s anyway, leave your body then. You remained confused, feeling as if something important had just happened, but you weren’t sure what. You supposed it was the clan’s way of thanking someone.

Soona looked to you then, patting your cheek, “Very proud…amazing Echo.”

Anya hooted lowly, “Very honored…Noa will explain…later.”

“We must go now,” Noa grunted as he mounted his horse once more.

Anaya did not hesitate to help hoist you into Noa’s waiting arms now. Once you were settled, a whimper catching in the back of your throat as the spreading of your legs hurt the places where your thighs had hit the asphalt. You tried to massage the pain away, but it was too deep set in. You closed your eyes, willing to grin and bare it until you were tucked into your bed tonight.

“Anaya…Soona,” Noa called. “Lead the way…home…will follow you…keep eye on Echo.”

Both apes nodded, Anaya making a hand gesture that you did not catch in time. Just in case, you signed back, Do not worry. Echo fine.

As the group made their way towards the barricade, you heard Noa whisper, as if he did not want to be heard by the other two, “Do not…do that again…very dangerous…could have been…hurt worse.”

You hummed, “I’ll try not to.”

“You are too intelligent...to be this foolish” Noa huffed.

Your brow creased, “A simple thank you would be enough. Y’know Soona’s sling, couldn’t have killed it. If it would have ripped into one of the horses legs you would have had a dead horse on your hands. I know you care for your horses just as you do your eagles.”

You were unprepared for the horse to run, your body a rag doll as Noa’s arm once again wrapped around you. The jump came and went so quickly, though you did yelp in pain when it landed. Noa’s grip did not leave you, and you allowed yourself to lean back against him. You were so tired, the setting sun reminding you that there was still an hour ride ahead of you.

Noa sighed, “Did thank you…and yes…I know…still…do not put yourself…in danger again…you are safe…with us…we can…protect you.”

“I know,” you mumbled. “I just wanted to help.”

You felt Noa’s other hand come up to stroke his fingers through your tangled hair. Something about that seemed odd, but you couldn’t pinpoint why as the pain slowly dulled the longer you rode. The gentle rock back and forth seemed to soothe you further. You jerked, almost falling asleep before crashing back into your body. You forced your eyes open then, trying to stay awake.

Noa chuckled, “You are tired…rest.”

“I’m okay,” you replied.

“Your body wants sleep,” Noa replied. “Listen to it and give it…what it wants.”

You hummed, feeling Noa pull you in closer to him. Your entire weight braced on his chest. He was warm, and as you let your eyes slip closed, you felt your head swivel to rest in the crook of his neck where it met his shoulder. You could hear his heartbeat, it was strong and steady, adding to the warmth of him and the rocking of the horse. You would lose this battle with sleep.

You felt Noa’s arm tighten around you, securing you to him. “Sleep…I have you.”

You were already half asleep when you whispered back, “You always do.”

[bobacupcake]

Oooh, what about Journey? I think the sand probably took a lot to pull off

it did!! i watched a video about it, god, like 6 years ago or something and it was a very very important thing for them to get just right. this is goimg to be a longer one because i know this one pretty extensively

here's the steps they took to reach it!!

and heres it all broken down:

so first off comes the base lighting!! when it comes to lighting things in videogames, a pretty common model is the lambert model. essentially you get how bright things are just by comparing the normal (the direction your pixel is facing in 3d space) with the light direction (so if your pixel is facing the light, it returns 1, full brightness. if the light is 90 degrees perpendicular to the pixel, it returns 0, completely dark. and pointing even further away you start to go negative. facing a full 180 gives you -1. thats dot product baybe!!!)

but they didnt like it. so. they just tried adding and multiplying random things!!! literally. until they got the thing on the right which they were like yeah this is better :)

you will also notice the little waves in the sand. all the sand dunes were built out of a heightmap (where things lower to the ground are closer to black and things higher off the ground are closer to white). so they used a really upscaled version of it to map a tiling normal map on top. they picked the map automatically based on how steep the sand was, and which direction it was facing (east/west got one texture, north/south got the other texture)

then its time for sparkles!!!! they do something very similar to what i do for sparkles, which is essentially, they take a very noisy normal map like this and if you are looking directly at a pixels direction, it sparkles!!

this did create an issue, where the tops of sand dunes look uh, not what they were going for! (also before i transition to the next topic i should also mention the "ocean specular" where they basically just took the lighting equation you usually use for reflecting the sun/moon off of water, and uh, set it up on the sand instead with the above normal map. and it worked!!! ok back to the tops of the sand dunes issue)

so certain parts just didnt look as they intended and this was a result of the anisotropic filtering failing. what is anisotropic filtering you ask ?? well i will do my best to explain it because i didnt actually understand it until 5 minutes ago!!!! this is going to be the longest part of this whole explanation!!!

so any time you are looking at a videogame with textures, those textures are generally coming from squares (or other Normal Shapes like a healthy rectangle). but ! lets say you are viewing something from a steep angle

it gets all messed up!!! so howww do we fix this. well first we have to look at something called mip mapping. this is Another thing that is needded because video game textures are generally squares. because if you look at them from far away, the way each pixel gets sampled, you end up with some artifacting!!

so mip maps essentially just are the original texture, but a bunch of times scaled down Properly. and now when you sample that texture from far away (so see something off in the distance that has that texture), instead of sampling from the original which might not look good from that distance, you sample from the scaled down one, which does look good from that distance

ok. do you understand mip mapping now. ok. great. now imagine you are a GPU and you know exactly. which parts of each different mip map to sample from. to make the texture look the Absolute Best from the angle you are looking at it from. how do you decide which mip map to sample, and how to sample it? i dont know. i dont know. i dont know how it works. but thats anisotropic filtering. without it looking at things from a steep angle will look blurry, but with it, your GPU knows how to make it look Crisp by using all the different mip maps and sampling them multiple times. yay! the more you let it sample, the crisper it can get. without is on the left, with is on the right!!

ok. now. generally this is just a nice little thing to have because its kind of expensive. BUT. when you are using a normal map that is very very grainy like the journey people are, for all the sparkles. having texture fidelity hold up at all angles is very very important. because without it, your textures can get a bit muddied when viewing it from any angle that isnt Straight On, and this will happen

cool? sure. but not what they were going for!! (16 means that the aniso is allowed to sample the mip maps sixteen times!! thats a lot)

but luckily aniso 16 allows for that pixel perfect normal map look they are going for. EXCEPT. when viewed from the steepest of angles. bringing us back here

so how did they fix this ? its really really clever. yo uguys rmemeber mip maps right. so if you have a texture. and have its mip maps look like this

that means that anything closer to you will look darker, because its sampling from the biggest mip map, and the further away you get, the lighter the texture is going to end up. EXCEPT !!!! because of aisononotropic filtering. it will do the whole sample other mip maps too. and the places where the anisotropic filtering fail just so happen to be the places where it starts sampling the furthest texture. making the parts that fail that are close to the camera end up as white!!!

you can see that little ridge that was causing problems is a solid white at the tip, when it should still be grey. so they used this and essentially just told it not to render sparkles on the white parts. problem solved

we arent done yet though because you guys remember the mip maps? well. they are causing their own problems. because when you shrink down the sparkly normal map, it got Less Sparkly, and a bit smooth. soooo . they just made the normal map mip maps sharper (they just multipled them by 2. this just Worked)

the Sharp mip maps are on the left here!!

and uh... thats it!!!! phew. hope at least some of this made sense

[totothewolff]

Season of Love (2/?)

+18 | Toto x reader fem!teamprincipal, romance, comedy, and some good drama.

Summary: One night on a pier in Monaco, while admiring the sea under the night skies, you tell Toto: "I came to the conclusion that love is simply not meant for me." That's the answer to a question you have been asking yourself for the longest time. But what if he proved you wrong? Author's note: This is a multichapter Toto Wolff x team principal reader fic set along a season of F1. It's a very immersive story full of drivers, team dynamics, races, mystery, and smut. You just bought the Williams team, but nobody really knows who you truly are.

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Dances with Wolff Arc Chapter 2: Lights out, and away your feelings go!

Australia By mere luck, Toto had one of those sponsors' events in the afternoon, and he was wearing a Tom Ford tan suit with a white shirt, a classic ensemble, instead of his usual Mercedes kit.

And you, well, you looked so chic wearing a romantic Saint Laurent satin mini dress with an off-the-shoulder neckline paired with ribbon bowtie Jimmy Choo stilettos up to the occasion.

You wave Sam goodbye as she enters the car and returns to the hotel. And then Toto and you stay standing there, not knowing what to do next.

—So, at what time is the reservation? —Toto asks you.

—In two hours, it is downtown.

—Good. We are getting there on time, right?

—Oh yeah, we can go on my c... —You look at the empty space where your Lambo was parked - well, where Michael parked it, now empty and immediately take out your phone, shit! You left it on airplane mode. All messages and missed calls start to appear, red dots everywhere. Your assistant asked if you needed the car or if they had moved it to the hotel hours ago. Later, she sent the chauffeur to pick you up, but he couldn't reach you. He waited for you a long time and left.

—My team took my car, so...

—No worries. I can take us there.

"For sure you can!" you thought. Jesus, why were you so horny lately?

Toto then texts his chauffeur, and on your way, you two go; it was a quiet ride for a bit.

—So...

—So...

You both laugh at the back of the car.

—So our minds are connected, huh? —you joke, referring to your tendency to talk at the same time.

—It's becoming a bad habit, yes —Smiles. —I was going to ask you where have you been existing. Everyone close to me seems to know you, but they never mentioned it before; I feel left out; somehow, I have no idea who you are —Toto tells you.

—First of all, I take serious offense that neither Niki nor Sam mentioned me before; how dare they? And to answer your question in Belgium. I met Niki recently and Sam forever ago but she is pretty private so I guess that's why.

—Umh, I thought Sam and I had something special, but I'm calling it quits —Toto says. —She keeps secrets from me —putting on a fake sad face.

—Welcome to da' club. She's all Lewis's now.

-

Then, at the restaurant.

Toto and you were greeted by a blond supermodel-looking hostess who took you to your booked table. You entered the historical building - big old brown bricked walls, high ceilings with restored wooden beams, and dark marble tile floors - barely lit with just a couple of lights strategically placed reflected on the walls. The tables were small and intimate, and all the furniture was statement pieces - wooden carved and expensive textiles - the silverware and china were spectacular. The place was a printery back in the day, and it ended up in the middle of downtown and has now turned into a Michelin-starred restaurant.

The hostess acted extra caring with Toto, taking all the time to tenderly adjust his blindfold and explain every single step and detail of the dining experience. Since he couldn't see her, she went all handsy, relying on touch a bit much, and for obvious reasons, she tied your blindfold too tight. Really, girl?! Sorority like in where?

—So it's crucial for the experience when you give the food to each other, slowly savor the flavors and then start a conversation about each dish, what it made you feel, what reminded you of, what you thought it was, taking turns —she tells you two as she takes each your hand and makes you feel the space where a single plate full of finger food where to be placed - on top of a marble "lazy susan." —Please let me know if you need me —a lot of emphasis on "need me" and more addressed to Toto than you.

Wait, what?! Give each other the food?! What on earth?! You are so glad Toto isn't able to see you because, for sure, you are tomato red. Then you hear the hostess walk away.

—I frequent high-cuisine restaurants all over the world, yet I haven't dared with this one. It has so many mixed reviews —Toto tells you.

—I met the Chef at an auction gala for charity. He sat at our table and sold us the idea, which sounded exciting and intrigued me, so I told him I would stop by when in Melbourn —you add. He never mentioned that we had to feed each other during the experience.

A moment later, the dish arrived, and the experience began. Your hands were shaking a little bit. Your days went from ignoring Toto's bare existence to placing food into his mouth now.

—By all means, you go first —He offers you. Why did he have to be a gentleman?!

—Sure, thanks —You don't know where to start, so you pick a bite and stay there frozen when Toto notices it softly grabs your hand to guide you to his mouth to avoid you pocking him an eye with the food. Many "Oh god, oh god" fill your mind. You could sense him slowly biting the food from your fingers, his warm breaths on your skin, while hearing soft crunch noises.

He munches. And you wait, hand now resting on the table.

—Soft skin —he says.

—That is what it tasted you like?!

—No, of course not —Toto softly chuckles. —You have soft skin. The bite tasted like, amh, some sort of Gnocchi, but it wasn't. I'm not a big fan of this one and its flavor.

—So you like Italian cuisine?

—Everyone likes Italian cuisine, duh.

—Excuse you? That attitude, Sir! —you flirt, I mean, joke with him.

—Yes! I used to spend the summers in Italy with my family. It is a country that reminds me of my father. Cinque Terre has a special place in my heart.

—You miss your dad —You say before thinking, shit! Now he will assume that Sam and you gossip about him or think you Googled him. Shit! You are supposed to not know anything about him. Lol, if he knew. —It must be hard being away from family all the time with this busy schedule —Smart girl... Good save..?

He looks at you, a bit confused. —Ahm, yes. I miss my dad.

—Okay, it's my turn! —you shift topics quickly and naturally.

Toto picks up a small bite, and you wrap your hand around his wrist, guiding him to your mouth. Your thumb finger could feel his pulse, which weirdly relaxes you. You bite the food slowly, and your lips make a bit of contact, brushing the skin of his fingers.

—What does it taste you like? —he asks you. You try your best not to have dirty thoughts.

—Feet? God, this is awful —you answer while trying to chew the fucker.

Toto almost chokes on his water. Who calls feet a signature Michelin-star dish?

—I'm so hating this! I can't with pretentious places, to be honest. Uptight people are the worst!

—You tell me I live surrounded by those, but you will be fine. Why did you mention the uptight people?

—Send tips. Because there is no way an average person could have come up with this idea and this type of food! What are these flavors, honestly?!

—You are hilarious.

—Aw, thanks. What am I to you, a clown? Well, every circus needs one... I'm glad to help! Why do you keep laughing, stop!

—You are so right; F1 can be a circus! —Toto admits.

—So, what's your job at the F1 circus? No, seriously, don't laugh. TOTO STOP. Do you juggle or what? —You two keep reaching closer over and under the small table, knees now touching.

—Highly accurate! Or I could be that one guy on the tightrope! —He waves his arms.

—So meta. Listen, for us girls being the ones stereotypically called "catfight-ty," you guys...

—You have no idea! And it is just starting...

—Does the drama get too good? You are getting me excited! Don't play with my heart, Torger.

—I won't —Somehow, it sounds more profound and meaningful. Silence.

—Can we go back to the food, please? We are getting distracted from its delicious flavors —you say amidst giggles. —What? Don't you believe me? This dish is so good, "Latifi good".

Chuckles. Then you notice Toto left his right hand on top of yours this whole time.

With your free one, you pick up another portion. —Oh, you are going to love this one. Smells, uhm, so good. Wait for my soft hands to come closer —you tease Toto.

He loses it. People around you start judging you two; you are being "noisy."

—Why suddenly I don't want to open my mouth? I'm not helping you get there anymore. Find your way; if you miss it, then I'm so sorry.

—Oh, don't you worry, "Tots". I can always ask for more of these.

—Oh god, no.

The dining experience ended on the sixth small bite, thank Jesus. You two never walked out of a restaurant that fast, and none of you felt like staying to experience the drinks part, judging by the food.

But were in desperate need of refreshers. The night was now fully set, and the air was fresh. You two walk almost hand in hand on the sidewalk under the clear skies, choosing to explore the city, looking in the surroundings for a pub. You were lured by a very busy one - with live music - three drunk girls burst out of the door in a great mood, and it looked packed; then it must be good!

It was. —Do I ask to pour you a pint, too? Or are you on a diet or something? —Toto offers you on his way to get drinks. A great cover of "Your Love by The Outfield" played in the background. The singer had great vocals, and the guitarist was so talented.

—On a diet? God, no. I'm not that fit! Who gives that excuse? Who's that picky?

—There are people —Toto answers, a bit sad. You wonder if Sussie behaved like that. Of course, you don't dig.

While he goes on his mission, you find the last free table for yourselves. The place was what you pictured when someone said "pub". A classic, extensive wooden bar, tap beer, and tons of bottles on display. Small round tables, bar stools, and many empty frames hanging on the wooden panel walls mixed with art deco posters. It's nothing fancy but eclectic and cool.

As time passed, you two got drunk and the beers, too. You talked and talked and talked about everything. At least what you two wanted to share, obvious subjects were avoided. Toto didn't mention Sussie the whole time, and you chose not to reveal much about your "situation." The two of you formed a bond and had such chemistry none could explain. You were feeling so comfy with each other. He looked so happy and having a blast, and you were, too.

Then, the drinking contest started, and you sent your best knight to battle. You ended up sitting cross-legged on top of the bar with your short dress going up with your every move, surrounded by a group of people watching the spectacle - as well as the other couples of contestants - with Toto on his feet right next to you, resting one of his hands on your thighs. At the same time, you poured the beers directly into his mouth. The first one to finish a row of four pints with no pauses and successfully do "the loaded twirl" - four fast spins - then walk to ring the bell at the end of the counter - without falling - could leave not paying a penny, and win a cool metal medal too.

Toto sounded the bell first. And the place went fucking nuts.

By the end of your night out, you two couldn't even walk straight as you were being playful on the sidewalk on your way to meet your driver. At some point, you lost a heel while dancing, you knew how to move and rhythm was natural to you. Toto carried you around until a good soul gifted you his flip-flops; the poor unknown hero was so into you. Fantastic pubs and guys on flip-flops, thank you, Australia.

While rocking the stranger's flip-flops with your Saint Laurent mini dress, you were singing and throwing some moves on the street at the sound of "Notorious by Duran Duran" - it was the last song you heard the band played before leaving and got stuck in your head - it was around 4 a.m. by then.

Toto had his medal wrapped around his head, looking all stupid and hot. There is no sight of his suit jacket. He must have lost it when you took him to the bathroom - of course, you waited for him outside. He was too drunk to get there alone - or when you two started dancing, burning some of the alcohol in your systems.

There is something about him that makes you feel so many things, and you don't want the night to end. And you wanted to spend more time with him, listening to his voice, hearing his laugh, looking at his eyes, having his body near yours. You find him so attractive.

—I don't remember the last time I had this much fun; it must have been ages ago! —he says, way too loud and drunk.

—Me too! We should do this again! Are you sure it's here? —you reply, looking around. No cars in sight.

—Yes! I'm not that drunk. Here is where the pin marks —he says, looking too closely into his phone. His nose almost touched the screen, looking at the map.

—Let me see.

—Nein —He raises his phone, extending his arm, placing it out of your reach. You jump to grab it, failing miserably. You ended up bumping him instead. Balance isn't a thing for any of you at the moment. And you both get closer. At some point in the night, you two started to behave like magnets, unable to keep away from each other, all handsy. Toto places a hand on your lower back to steady you.

You aren't sure if the sensation you are feeling is the alcohol in your system or the butterflies in your stomach.

—You are so carefree. Zero pretentious. So fun. So captivating, so... —Toto says in such a dangerous voice, staring at your lips with his fingers, placing your hair behind your ear.

You two get closer.

—So..? —You beg him to continue, staring at his lips too. You take the lead and start closing the distance between you.

It's been a while since either of you had sex in your lives.

Or love.

He looks at you with desire and affection but without moving an inch. Then Toto decides to take a step back.

That distance feels like miles, and the car arrives. Ending an almost perfect night.

You feel ashamed since you overstepped and carried yourself away. None of you mentioned what just happened on the ride back to the hotel.

-

Spending time with you starts to feel like a necessity to him now.

Toto is standing there, left shoulder leaning against the bar wall near where the band is playing, sipping his beer, watching you dance with some strangers, glowing and smiling, and having fun among those girls while he admires your curves and body movements. You have the magic to make him forget about the rest of the world, its people, and its problems. Going out with you tonight felt like healing, like self-care. 

After days of being heartbroken, Toto called things off with Sussie, which was not an easy choice. She was the love of his life, or so he thought, and after spending a significant portion of your life with someone, saying goodbye to that person is never easy.

Even if tonight was great and felt like a lucid dream, he couldn't escape reality forever. This Cinderella story had an end.

Of course, he notices the way you look at him. The attention you pay to his every word, your excitement every time you make him smile, or how you lean closer to his touch whenever the two of you make accidental - or not - contact.

But he wasn't ready for you. Of course, he would love to make a move and enjoy the whole of you, explore your every corner, trace your hips with his hands, and feel your body beneath his, making you release sounds he would love to hear. He wanted to fuck you badly, but you weren't just for a one-night stand.

You deserved someone who could fully admire you. That worshiped you. And Toto wasn't able to be that guy at the moment. He felt wounded and needed time for himself.

So, when you had the courage he lacked to make the move, knowing that if he accepted that kiss, you would wake up tangled in his sheets, he stepped back.

Seeing your surprised, embarrassed, and hurt reaction spiraled him into coming days of somber mood and turned into a quiet ride back to the hotel.

-

Once you reach your destination, the driver opens the car door for you, and you step out of it, praying your balance has returned. After that fiasco ending of the night, all the alcohol in your system seems to have evaporated thanks to that emotional gut punch Toto gave. You glimpse Toto catching your step, walking now as normal as you.

You two may be walking seemly normal now but your looks scream drunks, loud and clear! - messy hair and clothes, not to mention your flip flops, a thing that made you smile as you remembered the now distant memory - as you passed by a floor-to-ceiling mirror on the way to the elevators.

The bellboy pushes the buttons to open the elevator doors for you.

—On which floor is your room? —he asks.

—Oh, no, we aren't...

—Eleven —you answer a little deadpan, interrupting Toto.

—Fourteen —he mumbles.

As you two go up, you start saying goodbye, also wanting to cut the tension a bit. —It was a fun night, "Tots"! My liver may disagree, but we'll see —you smile.

—Yeah, yeah, it was, except for that horrid food —he replies.

—Let's not, let's bury that part.

He nods with a small smile. The door opens on your floor. You smile at him one last time and head out.

Toto wants to say, "Wait!" or follow you down that corridor, inviting himself to your room and bed, but instead, he remains just standing there, and the elevator goes up.

-

You take your time to walk down the corridor, hoping there is still a chance, till you hear the sound of the elevator's doors closing and following it, total silence, no footsteps, no movement. So you let out a sigh and get inside your room.

You are left facing a feeling of emptiness and solitude as you walk across the empty and dark suite with your surviving heel in hand, and then you toss it across the room on the carpet. You enter the shower and start washing your make-up and body off, letting your mind wander to the idea that the two of you could be there right now.

So, a bit defeated by not having Toto's naked and wet body before you, you send yourself to bed, struggling to fall asleep and shut down your brain; after a while, you feel yourself drifting away in the arms of Morfeo - and sadly not Toto's.

-

—He thinks I'm captivating and have soft hands —you say while giggling like a teenager, adding sugar to your Chai at the end of the counter. Already in a better mood, trying to look at the bright side of things.

—Soft hands??? —Sam replies, making a silly face and grabbing a napkin.

You two meet on your way to get Starbucks, located two buildings away from the hotel. You are still hungover and need fuel before stepping into the paddock.

—You know, never mind. I don't want to know —Sam adds, biting her bagel.

—Oh, wait. No. Nothing like that happened —you wave your hands in concern.

—Calm down; you know he and Sussie are in the middle of a time-off. Nothing wrong if it had happened. He has been in such awful moods lately that I think he needs it to happen. This time, their breakup seems real.

—Really!?

—Can you at least don't sound that excited? Oh god, you are smiling. I hate love —Sam sips her black coffee, rolling her eyes at you.

—Leave me live my fantasy, alright? —praying sign, you joke.

—Now you will be all weird around him, won't you?

—Nooo, well, maybe a little. What? Like you don't ship us.

—Puff —Sam lets out.

—Oh, you fed me way too many details about him for years and set us up last night just because, huh?

—Okay. Fair. I sold you the idea. Am I clever, or what? Listen, I care about you two a lot, and frankly, I think you are great for each other.

—Ooh, so Sam Dobrev has a heart.

—Shut up! Please don't make me regret it —she replies, all done with life.

-

—Hi, big guy —Sam pops her head inside Toto's office, simultaneously knocking on the open door.

—You owe me one —Toto answers deadpan. Concentrated, looking straight at his iPad, not bothering to look at her.

—Why?

—That restaurant you made me go to was horrible.

—Well, I didn't pick the place, so no whines to me, but at least the company was fantastic, right?

—Umhju —Toto mutters, still looking at the screen. Then silence.

Sam interprets that answer as I'm not telling you anything else.

—Since you are here trying to gossip. Aren't you busy? If you have free time, you could help me with several things.

—Jeez, that mood. I'm not here to gossip. Here, sign this. Niki needs it.

Toto reads the paper Sam just gave him and picks up his phone. —I need to make a call. Would you mind closing the door on your way out? Thank you.

—Okay —Sam answers slowly and exaggerates the "O" while doing what was asked. Even she knows messing with a somber Toto wasn't a good idea.

Unfortunately for you, no gossip or insights of your night out were obtained from Toto.

-

It was a Grand Prix victory for Lewis. And a third place for Mick, but since it was his first podium, you guys celebrated as if he had just won the race. Sadly, Millie got pulled out of the track for a technical issue with the car.

You were hoping to chitchat with Toto at the podium ceremony, make him laugh a little, and watch his beautiful smile. Well, you hoped that the entire day, actually. But he was nowhere to be seen.

Until you spotted him in the distance, there was no casual way to start a conversation with him that way, and you didn't want to be perceived as pushy or desperate going straight to him. So you let the idea die. There was no rush.

If something was meant to be, it will happen without forcing things.

Right?

-

Azerbaijan

On the paddock in Baku, Toto chose to behave the opposite of that night in Melbourne. Serious, professional, and borderline unfriendly - but still polite.

That caught you off guard, and it was so confusing. After spending that great time together, you thought you two were on your path to becoming friends or more if luck was on your side. You didn't get the sudden change, and it was a bit hurtful when you went to say hi to him - all warm and smiling - and he gave the cold shoulder with a blunt "Good morning" and kept on walking.

You stood there looking a bit stupid, wondering if you did something to bother him or if he was acting Austrian. Maybe Toto was feeling really uncomfortable by how you approached him at the end of that night. Damn, drunk you!

But then, a couple of hours later:

"Unknown" is typing...

—Darci told me you left your office to have lunch. But I'm here outside your hospitality and don't see you - Toto.

Your assistant gave him your number. —Hi!!! Yes, I'm here having lunch.

—Where? I'm wearing my good glasses, and I'm sure you are not that bald guy eating a salad.

—Sandro is a very nice guy. Look up, grandpa!

—The rooftop? What are you, a pigeon?

No joke in reply, just an honest: —I like the view from here. It's peaceful! Bonus points for being private. No one bothers me here or intrudes. It's my secret special place. Do you want to join?

Toto finishes climbing the ladder and goes to greet you, kissing you on the cheek. As he does so, a crazy thought crosses your mind: What if you turn your head? Is stealing a kiss considered harassment? But you don't.

You two share your homemade Yakimeshi - you love cooking even if you have a private Chef, and you are damn good at it, well, according to everyone that has eaten your food, so you ask the hotel to get you the fresh ingredients you need - while talking about the day, sharing ideas, throwing shade, and enjoying each other's presence.

—What a diva! —you reply, grabbing a portion with your chopsticks.

—I know. I expected better, but engineers... you know —Toto shrugs.

—Ye! —you agree. Sometimes, they acted, well, a little bit challenging.

Toto was acting so relaxed and casual as you expected him to be, and not what was going on in the morning. You wonder so badly why there is a change in ways, but you don't dare to ask.

"What if he has bipolar disorder?" a question that came to your mind at some desperate point during your day. Not that there was something wrong with that.

The sun is setting, and you two enjoy the view, sitting next to each other - no space in between - He places his arm around you, palm resting next to your left hand, but without making physical contact.

This becomes a routine for you two, lunching together on the rooftop of the W hospitality, away from the rest of the world, in your private little bubble. It becomes your favorite moment of the day. And Toto's, too, even if he swore he would never like routine.

-

Miami

—Excuse me, excuse me, how did the tire taste you like? —you tease a very solemn Lewis walking past you on the paddock while you pretend to hold an invisible mic at his face, acting like a reporter. An instant smile forms on his lips.

—Roscoe attack! —Lewis commands.

Roscoe stares at him for a second and then wanders to sniff a palm tree, not caring.

—I think your trick didn't work —you get closer to greet him with a hug.

—He is too lazy for that —he tells you while embracing you.

—You are too cute; don't listen to that man! —you say with a silly voice, addressing Roscoe, letting Lewis go, and flexing to pet the dog, rubbing around his ears, which Roscoe seems to enjoy.

It was a Qualy of hell for Mercedes. Lewis's car's back tire flew out into the air before bouncing on a safety barrier at speed, almost hitting him back. Plus, George's car ended up in the gravel after losing power.

In contrast, Williams did great. Mick was one with the car, achieving the day's fastest lap.

—Feeling better, sweetie? —you ask Lewis with honest concern, after seeing the incident unfold and how he made it out of the car really distraught.

Although you must admit that even though that whole thing wasn't funny, the memes were pure gold, so you texted Toto your pick: the one where the tire hit the space station with a photoshopped explosion, the one with Lewis's face photoshopped on a baseball player hitting a home run, but instead of the ball it was the tire and your favorite, the one with photoshopped Toto, Lewis, and George riding the tire to the sky.

—Yeah. I'm good. A positive mindset always helps, thanks.

—I think I just saw you kicking, crying, and screaming in the bathroom, Mr. Positive Mind Set —Sam joins the conversation, teasing him.

—HA HA

—So, what's the plan for tonight-A? —she asks.

—Noone human says tonight like that. Not even Michael Jackson on drugs —you tell Sam.

—We are in Miami, chica! Aren't we clubbing?! —she replies.

—Are you high?

—I will if we go out...

—You realize we are here for work, right? —Lewis asks her.

—Like we haven't done it before. What's the worst that could happen? Toto finding out? You losing the race? Toto, finding out you lost the race because you went out clubbing with us?

—Yes! —you all answer at the same time. —To all of that —you add.

—Well, not if Toto comes with us...

Lewis starts laughing like a madman. —Sam, are you suggesting convincing Toto to go clubbing with us the night before the race so he doesn't get mad if he finds out we went clubbing?

—I got lost, mate —George arrives, earing that last part, trying to figure out what the hell.

—Well, I'll not be convincing him. Y/N is.

—ME?!

—If you really love me, you will —Sam pushes you toward the Mercedes' motorhome.

Gaslighting a bit much?

-

How am I supposed to do this? I'm going to sound so unprofessional. Although, technically, you two went out pub-ing?? and got drunk the night before the race in Australia. Okay, that made-up word sounds terrible; let's never use it again, so there may be a slight chance to relive that.

At least you needed to practice your words before going in there since "Hi, Toto, wanna go clubbing?" wasn't an option but destiny was a bitch; you two crossed paths before you had the opportunity to rehearse. Toto was on his way back to his office; he left his badge access on his desk. He seemed surprised to see you there; you were far away from the Williams' grounds. So you are forced to improvise.

—Are you looking for Sam?

—No, not really, not this time.

—Oh. Niki?

—Nope.

—Lewis?

—You.

Toto was now standing right before you with his hands in his pockets, all tall and handsome. You liked him even more when he wore his reading glasses.

You start a bit shy; Toto has a powerful presence. —I heard Miami has excellent places, and because last time I made you join me for that awful dining experience, I thought maybe we could go out and have a good time but in a better establishment.

—Tonight?

He sounds slightly judgy. You go on: —I was talking with the guys, and they mentioned "Floyd." It sounds great...

—The guys?

—Sam and Lewis, and George...

—Ooh, they sent you? Sam!

Oh boy.

—The cocktails sound goo...

—I'm not taking my drivers drinking or to a nightclub before the race or allowing it. It's ridiculous —Toto interrupts you again.

You look at him, now slightly nervous and bummed out.

—None of us is going; it's not happening —Toto adds firmly.

Yeah... He was a pro at the top of his game. Of course, he cared about discipline, mindsets, and winning races and titles; what were you thinking?!

You nod apologetically. Your eyes look a bit sad, well, because... You don't need to explain why. Just start turning around to head back and tell them the news.

—Wait! We could go to "Basement", which has a bowling alley and a DJ. But no drinking! Not even a drop for anyone; we must return to the hotel at a reasonable hour. Do you like that? That makes you happy?

—Sounds perfect to me —your smile is big and bright. Did Toto change his mind to please me?

-

To make things even, you end up bringing Millie and Mick. You wanted to make clear you weren't playing unfair tactics with your opponents. You earnestly desired to spend a good time with the people you began to care about.

The place was all for yourselves. It was a club slash bowling alley with colorful neon lights reflecting on the lanes, varying intensities and colors to the DJ's beats. It was a dope place.

Lewis invites Seb. They two took bowling seriously and had a years-long competition. They show you a list of their scores on Lewis's iPhone going back to the dark ages.

Bono also shows up, and Carlos and Lando, too, God knows how.

Lando starts stretching right in front of you, warming up, and making eye contact with you while doing his poses in a bit too sexual and exaggerated way. Samanta and you start laughing at him for acting all idiot. You two sit on the bowling benches while drinking Coke and eating popcorn.

—Every group needs a slut —you tell Lando.

—I don't think you are impressing her, man —Carlos joins, watching the spectacle, on his feet.

—It reminds me of when little children warm up before jumping into the pool —you kill Lando with your words.

—You have never seen legs like this —he tells you, overconfident. All of you laugh. —But, I will fight for your heart, malady. Is there another knight brave enough to face me in a bowling fight to the death?

—But what's the prize?! —Seb screams across all lanes.

—A NIGHT with the princess —Lando claims.

—Keep dreaming, sweetie —you reply.

—A KISS from the princess —he backtracks.

—Fine! Everyone, write your names here! —Sam takes a Post-it and a pen out of her purse - an assistant's habit - and passes them around.

—WHAT?! What are you doing?

Sam starts folding the papers and mixing them up. —The council calls Sir Hamilton to the pit!! Please choose your horse and weapon for the fight (lane and bowling ball) —Sam reads Lewis's name from the paper she picks up, and then she selects another one. —Warrior Dobrev to the fight! —cheers are heard, and Mick and Carlos pat Millie on the arm and back; Vettel massages her shoulders when she stands by her approach area. —Knight Wolff to the pit! And last but not least, Warrior Bonnington, too! —there were only five lanes. —You all brave souls are to fight buffoon Norris for a kiss of the Lady. Lord Vettel and I will oversee the combat.

—Hey! —Lando complains, pouting. Then, George starts motivating him, and they start making stupid grunts and jumps before the bowling round begins.

—The battle commences now! —Sam calls.

—You really need to stop watching House of the Dragon —you tell her.

—It's official: Bono is the worst player I have seen —Vettel interrupts, watching Bono be the first to get disqualified. —Is it okay if I leave you a second? If I don't go and bother Lewis every time to time, I get anxious —Sebastian sweetly tells you.

—Go, honey —You pat his hand and let him go. You two were watching the competition unfold together.

Lando, Lewis, and Toto were really good at it, but Millie was in a league of her own.

—How can someone so tiny have such a steady grip? —Lewis tells her she was in the lane next to his.

—Lew, I gladly would share with you all my secrets if I wasn't determined to win this —Millie replies.

—So you really want to kiss her? —he is curious, and a little smile forms on his lips.

—Look at Y/N, I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to. I think all five of us here hate losing... or love winning. Well, except for Lando, I believe he truly wants to kiss her.

"Not just him," Lewis thinks, looking in Toto's direction. After years of being teammates, he could read him like a book. It isn't just Sussie who has him shifting moods. Since you appeared, Toto began to act all weird. When Lewis noticed the looks you both exchanged, everything made sense to him.

And another fantastic strike from Lando.

Millie was almost right. Lewis loves winning and hates losing, but not when friends or feelings are in the middle. A lesson Sebastian taught him. So Lewis prepares and throws the worst shot he has ever made. His bowling ball bounces, hits the gutters, and invades the next lane, instantly disqualifying him.

Hisses and laughs fill the room. Lewis turns around, shrugs, smiles, and goes to take a seat. A minute later, he feels a thumb rubs his neck, caressing it. —Sir Hamilton, my good Sir, you sure are an honorable and respectable fellow —Sebastian tells him with his best Shakespearean voice.

—Stop talking like that, please.

—It doesn't please you how this low-grade peasant talks, good Sir?

The face Lewis gives him is priceless. Vettel laughs, and Lewis slides closer to him on the bench.

A loud "AAARGGH" comes from Lando as he dramatically throws himself to the floor. Wooff, what an awful shot.

—Luck next time, Lando! —Sam teases him as Carlos and George pass by, carrying him to the benches, one grabbing him by the legs and the other by the arms. Out of the competition, he was.

Now, it was a Dobrev vs. Wolff clash.

—Make our house name proud, niece! —Sam yells at her.

—You are having too much fun, aren't you? —you tell her.

—Sorry —Sam covers her face with her hands, monkey emoji-like. —Your knight made it to the final. Good for you, girl, but Millie is ruthless, so...

—I know! I can't watch any more. I'm too nervous! I feel like I will puke if Toto wins or if he loses.

—...she misses.

—WHAT?!

Okay, okay, this wasn't happening. Oh God. Sam turns to you and gives you a smile The Grinch will envy.

—Knight Wolff wins the battle! And takes the princess! —Sam announces. You shoot her a dead glare. —...'s kiss

Cheers are heard. Then everyone gets on their feet and starts chatting and bowling. Laughs and mocktails fill the room.

You pass Lando, still lying on the bench, on your way to get a drink. Now you need tequila in your system. —Oh, I'm so wounded! Only a kiss on the lips would heal me —he tries, offering his arms to you. The kid has the material to be an actor.

—Carlos!! Lando needs you!! —you joke back in answer, smiling at him. Lando gets on his feet in less than a second. —All good, I feel better! —he tells you, chuckling.

Toto is there when you reach the bar, sipping a whiskey on the rocks. —Not a drop of alcohol, you said? —you mock him.

—And you are here to ask for a Coke, right? —he teases you.

—A Paloma, please —you ask the bartender. —You could be a professional bowling player —Please let that become a meme, you think, and an image of a Toto in a complete bowling outfit surrounded by a group of senior citizens with white hair comes to mind.

—You picture it; that's why you are smiling.

—Nooo...

He arches an eyebrow.

—Fine. I admit it! —you sit on the bar stool next to him and rest an elbow on the bar counter, smiling like an idiot and gazing at Toto until he notices it and gets on his feet. 

—I haven't seen you play, let's go! —he tells you.

—Oh, if this really were the old ages and it was me who had to fight for your hand, consider yourself single for the rest of your life...

-

You all arrive together at the hotel and walk inside the lobby, making a lot of noise.

—Shuusshh!! Zack doesn't know I'm not in my room! —Lando whispers, looking around.

—Sure, he is hiding behind that plant, Lando. That old fart is so fucking asleep in his bed, mate! Calm down! —Vettel adds.

—Hey! You haven't kissed Toto yet —Lewis recalls and addresses you.

—Right! Give him his prize! —Mick adds.

You feel your cheeks turning red. —Are you all going to stare and make it all weird?

—YES! —everyone answers.

—You guys suck! —you complain, pretending to be annoyed at them.

—Not as much as I would like to. WHO SAID THAT?! —Millie dirty jokes, looking around.

—Millie Alexandria Dobrev! —Sam shouts, shocked. —I can't believe you...

Between giggles and two Croatians fighting in the background, you kiss Toto for the first time.

With your left hand, wrap Toto's bicep and rest your right on his chest as you reach his lips on your tiptoes. The kiss is brief, delicate, more like a brush of lips, but it is enough to make the butterflies in your stomach go wild and to still be on cloud nine when you reach your room.

-

Monaco

You were so excited to be officially living in Monaco. It was your first week there, and you had never lived on your own before. And since Sam also resided there, you spent lots of time together. You two were enjoying the break and touring the city around.

Miami went terrific, and that kiss still made rounds on your head.

Sam and you were walking in the area close to your new place when you turned the corner and were greeted by this scene: A furious Monegasque girl screaming at the top of her lungs in French words that did not sound nice at all and throwing objects out the window while a man on the street was trying to picking them up and reason with said girl. Some people were staring, and others were rushing to pass by.

—Is that Charles?! —Samanta asks you, stunned, pointing to the guy crouched and picking up what looked like a pair of Jordan's.

Yeah, that was Charles Leclerc. You two look at each other concerned and rush to help.

—Hi —Sam shouts among the screams in French.

—Oh, hey, Sam —Charles looks pretty embarrassed.

You quickly offer him the almost empty tote bag you were carrying and speed walk to grab an open, worn-out cardboard box from the greengrocery next door. The three of you start getting his things inside while avoiding getting hit by the last objects thrown out.

—Thank you —he says to you. —My girlfriend went mental.

All of you hear a loud bang and look up; she shuts the windows dramatically. "More like ex-girlfriend now" you think.

—Merde —you hear Charles say. —My keys and wallet are inside there, fuck!

You can't avoid feeling bad for the guy. He looks so done with life right now.

—Ahm, Charles, if you want to join us, we are grabbing lunch. We can grab some cocktails, too; I'll treat you guys. You seem in desperate need of alcohol and a chat.

—You're right, I need alcohol, thank you. I would love to.

The three of you walk your way to a restaurant Charles loves. It was pricey, but you agreed to let him pick the place since you were spoiling him and trying to lift his spirits.

—Huff, why are all the streets in Monaco inclined? —you complain after climbing the fourth hundred stairs of the day. —On the bright side, tho, I just need to live here to skip leg day at the gym.

Charles laughs. That's good!

The face the hostess makes when you three arrive and place the second-hand cardboard box with Charles's things on the fancy counter - clothes, some books, sneakers, a Funko Pop of Charles himself for some reason, and what looks like Xbox controllers, a man's most prized possession - makes it worth it almost losing your legs to get there.

—Good evening. Table for three? Right this way. Terrace, as usual, Mr. Leclerc? —she asks.

—Yes, please.

You are led to your table. It was a sea-inspired high-cuisine restaurant. The ceiling of the place had a breathtaking art installation: A whale made from bamboo wind chimes. —The waiter is on his way; here is the food and mixology carte —she offers you. It takes you a long time to read the entire selection.

—Ask for whatever you guys want; the check is on me. Don't hold back —you offer them.

—Great, then! It would be two spritzes instead of one, please! —Sam gestures with her fingers at the waiter, who is already taking your order. Sam seems so happy and excited; for someone who grew up that rich, she loves getting stuff for free.

—I would like a Tequila and Tonic with two tequila shots, please —you finally choose.

—A margarita and two shots of tequila for me. To start —Charles orders.

The drinks arrive quickly. At the same time, you hear everything about Charles' toxic relationship, giving him the space to spit it all out; as more alcohol makes it to the table, the more details you get.

After a good couple of hours of free therapy, high cuisine, drinks, relationship advice, and tragic love stories, it got dark.

—Well, it was a damn good chat! I'm glad we were able to help you, my friend. But we better go —Sam says to Charles. —I'm walking you back to your place —she addresses you. —I have to wake up early tomorrow. Toto wants me to join the Mercedes' Zoom call at 7 a.m., and I don't want to see his annoying, angry face at me.

The thought of an angry Toto makes you bite hard the tiny chocolate cake you are eating as dessert.

—Oh, no worries! It's just all the way down the street; I will get there without problems —you say while savoring the remains of your cake.

—Are you sure? —She inquires. You forgot how protective of you Samanta was, even if she was younger than you.

—Yeah, go, go. It's never a good idea to make an Austrian guy angry —You joke.

Charles choked on his drink, laughing. —Sweet Lord.

Sam giggles, hugs you two goodbye and waits for her Uber.

—It's late, I'll walk you. There are plenty of good hotels near your building and the marina; since I'm not going home, I need to book a room —Charles mentions.

—If you don't mind, you can crash at my place; there's not much furniture yet, but you are welcome to stay —you tell Charles. He seems relieved.

Charles sees what you meant with "not much" - just a small table with no chairs, one kitchen counter stool, a mattress in the bedroom, another on the living room floor, and some boxes, making the place look way bigger - as you two enter your apartment.

—I just got the keys —you excuse yourself.

—Oh wow, this view reminds me of my grandparents' apartment view from growing up —He reaches the balcony fast. —Oh, look, you can see the old side of Monaco from here! Good memories! —He ignores your comment, not caring much about the furniture or decor.

He seems in a better mood than before.

—Well, let me know if you need anything. Sleep well! —you say, on your way to your bedroom.

—Thank you, good night!

You hear noises outside your bedroom's open doors a few minutes later. Charles moves his mattress nearer the plug on the wall and connects the charger you lent him to his phone. With that change in the arrangement, you are both placed facing each other in different rooms and with distance in between.

Since none of you seemed able to fall asleep that night, you better keep chatting, each of you resting your back against the wall, relaxing, and him crossing his arms behind his head.

—So you are besties with Sam?

—Yes, she was one of the first people I met when I arrived in Belgium —you answer and look out of your bedroom's massive floor-to-ceiling window to the beautiful sea and the tiny-looking lights of Monaco. He stays silent, waiting for you to continue.

—So, how was growing up here? —You ask him and were sincerely curious but also want to switch the subject of conversation from you to him.

He tells many anecdotes of his childhood and buzz about some of the high society Monegasque families. He seems to enjoy gossip, and you are here for it.

Until you feel your eyes shutting down and fall asleep with the sound of his voice.

-

Two weeks later, Charles was still staying at your place; there was no furniture yet, however. By the third week, you arrive home, and all of Charles' things are filling the space. He moved "his bed" to one of the guest bedrooms and packed the living room with boxes. His piano starts serving you two at your dining "table." You always ate there, sitting, standing, taking turns: breakfast, Charles, lunch, you, etc.

He is just one box away from officially becoming your roommate. Of course, you don't mind. After many years of feeling alone, you desperately needed a friend and its company.

Charles' wireless speaker is the most significant addition to the apartment; it was never turned off, both of you being obsessive music maniacs, constantly introducing new music and artists to each other.

It is your turn to pick a song, and you want to lift the spirits while unpacking boxes and arranging things, so you turn the volume all up and hit play. Bad Bunny's "Yo perreo sola" started blasting.

You start singing and dancing to the beat, shaking it, and then Charles joins you in the chorus, singing the lyrics perfectly and throwing some great dance moves. You two start twerking.

—You know this song? Wait, you speak Spanish?! —you ask loudly, almost screaming. The music is so loud.

—My mom is Colombian. Didn't I mention that? My dad is the Monegasque one. I know my reggaeton and merengues by heart —he screams back. —I know all the good clubs in the city with this type of music, we should go and dance our asses off.

—Oh, for sure we are!

Another level of friendship is unlocked.

-

The three of you are inseparable. It is the weekend, and Charles took you and Sam on his boat sailing to an excellent spot to take a swim. Coronas, good music, sun, and fresh water fill your day.

You came up with a competition to see who jumped out of the boat the funniest way because you three were dumb. Charles wins by jumping and agitating his arms and legs like an old cartoon falling or very Gaga at the Super Bowl. Your stomach hurts from laughing, and your face from smiling.

After that, you all lay flat on your stomachs like iguanas under the sun, getting tan atop the boat; you don't remember a day nearby when you felt so happy. You felt at home with those two by your side.

-

It was around 4 a.m. and pitch black when Charles was suddenly awakened by sorrowful sounds coming from your bedroom.

He rushes and quickly opens the door, not caring to knock. He finds you crying, curled in your bed; you look like a total mess with red eyes, messy hair, and softly shaking, and Charles reacts like a headless chicken, pacing frantically around the room before getting to his senses and starting supporting a very troubled you.

—I got an idea that could help you feel better! —he tells you.

—Yeah?

—You trust me?

You nod.

—Let's go! —he offers you his hand and leads you out.

You take the lift to the basement parking lot, where Charles' Ferrari is all poorly and crocked parked outside lines of your apartment's parking spaces - that man was a great driver but terrible at parking - next to it is his powerful Ducati Panigale black motorbike is waiting for you.

Soon, you two are on his bike, crossing the streets of Monaco at full speed. Getting further away from the city and into the road. You tightly wrap your arms around him as he tells you you are entering the highway, and he begins to speed, pushing the bike's engine.

You could feel the fresh nightly ocean breeze hitting your body and entering your pores, every time more violently as you moved and Charles kept speeding up. You could see the full moon reflecting on the ocean waters. It was a clear night, with no stars in sight.

You love the rush and adrenaline of this speed ride. Charles speeds even more, and you hear the violent roar of the motor, the bike reaching its maximum. Then, in that brief moment, you get why all drivers are passionate about F1. Now you get it. Your sad tears become happy ones. You have never experienced something like this before, and it makes you feel so alive. The air feels so cold and harsh at the speed you are going that you almost feel it cutting your skin. It is a sensational feeling.

Charles then starts to slow down till he parks the bike and turns the engine off, helping you get on your feet, and you two lay on the grass after arriving at the destination.

—What a view! —you let out. The two of you are far away from the city, and you can see Monaco at the distance from the cliff you are on top of.

—This is my secret spot. I have been coming here since I was young when I felt I needed to clear my mind or wanted to escape everything. This view humbles you and calms you down at the same time —Charles confesses.

—Thanks for sharing it with me —you say to him, extremely grateful.

—It's the least I can do.

You can hear the waves hitting the cliff rock below you, and you admire the infinite ocean in front of you. The two of you sat there for a long time.

—Whenever you feel ready to talk about it. To open up about your past, who you are, or why you cried tonight, I will be here to listen —Charles offers you, breaking the comfortable silence. He is a kind and sweet person, a good person. And you aren't used to that.

He places his hand on top of yours just briefly, and you feel so happy to have a friend, to have him, no love feelings, no desire in between, just genuine friendship and honest support. 

He deserves the truth, and you want to let him know, but you are afraid of the repercussions. You don't want to get judged or, worse, to lose him.

-

Charles has been paying attention to you these past weeks and has noticed how you avoid or change subjects whenever your past or private life gets mentioned.

Every day that passes, he gets to know you more. It is just a matter of time before the truth comes out.

To be continued... < Previous chapter | Masterlist | Next chapter >

[redheadspark]

Hey love! It’s been awhile. I’m really hoping no one has requested this yet 🤞

May I request for Druig with Imprint?👀🙏

Hope you’re well🧡

A/N - Hey! Long time no talk, I hope you're well! This one is short but sweet, I hope you like it!

Look

Summary - One look changes everything

Warnings - Just Fluff

All it took was a look. One singular look.

Imprinting happened with animals at the very beginning, it was a natural phenonnemon for them for thousands of years and through plenty of evolution of the planet.  When humans started to imprint, it was a two new breed to deal with so to speak.  Scientist could not explain it, nor could anyone else really.  One day, humans found out that there was a way imprinting could happen amongst one another.

It was rare, but it was real.  Soulmates came into being.

Even with modern day technology, soulmates was still a mystery amongst the entire population.  They were rare, the actual international number of soulmates was lower than 1% with no real clue or sing of increasing.  Yet those who found to be soulmates end up having the longest lifespans compared to the average humans, not to mention the lowest rates of sickness and diseases.  Interviews with soulmates to make them look like celebrities, yet they were normal people.

Normal random people, and you happened to be in that statistic.

With the sunbeams hitting your skin and bringing you out of your sleep, you blinked slowly and heard a few sounds already this early in the morning.  The coffee maker in the kitchen beeping, signaling it was ready.  The shower turning on, the sound alone bouncing off the tile walls.  With a slight crack in the window brought in the noises of bird chirping and cars already honking outside on the road. But you were used to these sounds, you rubbing your eyes to get the rest of the sleep out of your body.  Your bedroom was slightly opened from the door, you could distinctly hear soft humming from the direction of the living room.  A deep tenor tone, making you grin and curl under your sheets.

Your own soulmate: Druig.

If you were to ask him, Druig would claim that you were the one who imprinted on him when you two saw one another across the room.  But in your mind, it was Druig that imprinted.  Maybe it was both of you acing on it without either of you realizing in.  From that you read in college papers and in some of your own research, the feeling of imprinting was like your breath getting lost in your lungs and your vision being amplified and heightened.  Soulmates claiming it was like a rebirth, or taking in a fresh breath after being under water for so long.  

You never thought you would have that yourself in your life, which seemed mundane and nothing out of the ordinary.  With your 9 to 5 job, an apartment that seemed a bit too cramped, and family drama to deal with, nothing new was going to happen in your life.

But Druig changed all of that with one simple gaze.

Getting up from the bed, you stretched your back and ruffled your Long hair that got out of its braid.  You now could smell the coffee that was freshly brewed, making you hungry since you were a coffee addict.  The humming was heard from the shower, some tone that was one of his favorite songs from an old punk band that he was a fan of.  Yo knew his sate of music was unique since he was no big fan of the mainstream music that was heard a lot on the radio.  Everything about your soulmate was unique and different, and it shook up your life in the best way possible.

You remember the day it happened: exactly one year ago.

A warm summer day that was morphing into autumn, the leave already starting to turn and the crisp winds coming in from the mountains.  You were invited to a backyard party by a fiend of yours in college whom you stayed in contact with.  Making it just in time for the local band to tune up and start their first song.  You friend Makkari placed a red cup in your hand and grinned at you as she signed with one hand “I’m glad you came!  You’ll love these guys!”

The band started playing, the notes floating in the air and was already shaking the walls of the house.  Of course you were bobbing your head to the music, thinking it was a great song and the band was rather decent when it came to the sound.

Then suddenly, someone bumped into you from behind and made you spill a bit of your beer.

“Oh, sorry!”  

“It’s okay—“ You stopped when you saw him, looking over your shoulder and seeing his bright blue eyes wide at you.  They were so blue, so pristine and almost like sapphires or drops of waters.  His dark brown hair pushed to the side along his ivory skin, the distinct nose that complimented his face.  

The way he looked at you, it made you feel it within a second.  The breath that seemed so fresh that it hit you in the gut, your vision was beyond clear and almost razor sharp clear.  Perhaps it was muddled before, the way you saw thing or even breathed.  

But not now, not when the imprint took place. 

You heard the shower go off as you slipped out of bed, having  no need to make it since it was your day off and you were intending to make it a relaxing day.  The humming from Druig was heard a bit more as you heard him shuffling around in the bathroom, you combing your hair to get the knots out and then heading out into the living room.  Knowing Druig, he liked taking his time in the morning.  He was a late riser recently since the promotion at work.  

Ajak, his boss and mentor, saw the hard work he was putting and decided that a promotion was in order, which meant half of his week was spent at your shared apartment to work remotely.  He liked it that way, enjoying the peace and quiet at home when life would get chaotic.  

After the imprint was made, you two were inseparable.  Druig took you by the hand and ushered you out of the backyard. Away from the noise and the chaos of the band to talk to you, for you both to talk to one another and to figure out if the imprint was real.  Feeling his hands holding yours, hearing his voice in how he spoke to you, you felt it in your gut. 

It was real:  you was his soulmate and he was yours.

Your living room was cramped but comfortable.  The sofa was a gift from your friend Gilgamesh since she moved into his new home with another friend Thena, the rocking chair that you would use for your cross stitching and reading was found at the goodwill around the corner.  Several indoor plants on the windowsill to get the sunrise that was already pouring into the space, small trinkets and knick knacks from past adventures and traveling days together in Druig’s black hair. You loved this apartment, it was a home for both yourself and Druig to hare together. Late nights eating pizza, early mornings over coffee, those moments were the best with your soulmate.

That first year together seemed like a dream. You both got to know one another so quickly with no sings of slowing down, but it was what you both wanted.  Not wanting to go on with your lives without one another, no matter the raised brows from your friends and families.  Especially from Ikaris, a co worker of yours who seemed cocky.  When he met Druig, he instantly hated him.  But you hated him already in how he treated his ex Sersi.  Yet he looked disgusted at Druig, like he was a bug under his shoe.

It made you hate Ikaris even more. 

Druig made things easy when you two got together.  There was no hesitance when It came to him, whether it was finding a place together and going through the milestones side by side.  Like any other relationship, the bumps and hiccups were there.  But since you were soulmates, those bumps were smaller and the hiccups were non existent.  

You loved his quirks: indie music, worn books to read from cover to cover, second hand furniture, black coffee.  The way he spoke with an old soul but had a youthful heart, how he enjoyed doing community service on the weekends and still have time to go to his friends parties and kickbacks.  He made more time with you, wanting to spend any time he could with you.  His words of affirmation, subtle physical touches when you sat side by side.  

He swept you off your feet from the very beginning, and he still did one year later.

“Darlin’?”

“Out here,” You called out as you heard his name, making the pair of you two cups of coffee.  Thankfully, you two had the day off together something very rare because of your schedule and constant busy schedule.  Although you both were having a lazy morning, you had a dinner you both were going to attend at Kingo’s move premiere.  Knowing that the dinner and premier was going to be long, Druig thought it was a good idea to have a lazy morning before it would get chaotic into the evening.  

Finally, you heard the soft sounds bare feet on the hardwood floor, king you look up and seeing your soulmate and boyfriend Druig walking out of the bedroom freshly showered in a worn concert t shirt and his sweats hanging low on his hips.  You felt your stomach do a small lurch from the site, Druig ruffling his damp hair and he smiled.

“Happy one year anniversary,” you hummed as you handed him his cup of coffee.  Druig chuckled, leaning over the small counter to peck you on the lips as he took the cup in his hands. 

“Thank you, luv,” He replied lightly, then leaning back to take a big drink from his cup.  You made a face, to which Druig raised a brow at you.

“What?” He asked, you gesturing with your chin to his cup.

“I still don’t understand how you can drink that with no cream or sugar,” You explained, seeing him roll his eyes.

“I’ve told you, it reflects my bleak and dark soul,” He answered in a sarcastic tone.  Throwing a towel as his face, you laughed as you drank from your own cup that had a dash of cream in it to make it sweet.  

“Also, I have planned a getaway for us after we have this premier and dinner tonight,” Druig explained while he took the towel off his face and watched you drink you coffee, “To one of our favorite places,”

You grinned widely at him, “The beach?  Where?!”  

“Let’s just say Kingo has great connections to one of the beach resorts you and I have eyed a few times,” Druig answered, you were about to argue with him when he raised his hand to you, “I promise it’s all taken care of.  Kingo helped with the reservations and Makkari already filled me in with where to take you for meals there,”

Some gestures like this made you love Druig all the more.  Ever since you two got together and made your relationship work, he would find smaller ways to make you feel special and immensely loved.  From gifts like flowers and books you loved reading along with new material for your stitching, to his chivalry that he would show everyday at you.  He made your light days lighter, and drove out the storms that threaten to make your smile fall away.  He brought comfort in pain, peace in chaos, love when you felt undeserving of it.  

And to think you were skeptical of the concept of soulmates.  Now you had one, and there was no other life you wanted.

“Well, now I’m looking forward to it!” You said, nearly bouncing on your feet as you went to wash out your cup.  Yet Druig watched you with his warm smile, knowing deep down he had more plans than just a weekend getaway at the beach.  

The engagement ring he brought for you a month before was in the sock drawer, Druig knowing it would be the perfect weekend to take the next step with his soulmate.  

The End

@a-lumos-in-the-nox @valeridarkness @ethereal-athalia @heartofwritiing

[cheshire-shuntaro]

For the Drug Cartel AU, a continuation of this here. Chishiya, realizing that everything that the cartel built in Mar de Plata is crumbling right before his eyes goes to the one person who might know how to help. @thetiredassistant

Silence, then, ringing in his ears. Heartbeat thudding against his thumbs tightly wrapped around the leather texture of the steering wheel. It took him a second to realize that he was having a panic attack. He was sixteen again, dashing through the narrow, neon-illuminated back alleys of Tokyo with 10 kilos of cocaine stuffed in his backpack. Soma right beside him, with a similar wild look to his eyes and a similar burden to carry, strapped to his back. Shouts of their pursuers chasing ferociously not unlike rabid dogs, their voices bouncing off of the concrete walls. Heart begging to jump out of his chest, and in his ears — ringing. Just a-

Suddenly — loud, prolonged honk. Chishiya's eyes snapped open, the ringing ceased, pulse slowly dropping. The crimson red light turned bleak green some time ago and the person behind Shuntaro decided they were done waiting. Chishiya indicated turning left and pushed the gas pedal, glancing in the rear view mirror. White Volvo sedan. Fuck. Already? Has he not received their message? But they might not be the ones who left it. How many parties are tangled up in this mess? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Enough. The engine of his Corvette growled and screamed when he revved up and switched to 5th gear. 90. 120. 146. As soon as the driver of the Volvo caught on what was happening it turned out, that whatever was under the hood of this inconspicuously looking sedan had enough power to keep tailing Chishiya. The downtown of Mar de Plata flashed in the windows as if it was the last memory of a man taking his final breath, and perhaps it was. Shuntaro swooshed past cars waiting at the stop sign with a cascade of honks and passeby shouts. Av. Juan B. Justo was the longest street in the whole of Mar de Plata, soon, the towering skyscrapers scattered across the horizon changed into suburban homes with their tiled red roofs and local farm animals using the road as they pleased.

His jaw hurt from clenching, his knuckles white, beads of sweat running down the side of his forehead. 146. 170. 200. Is it still there? Quick glance towards the rear view mirror. About a meter behind his Corvette? White Volvo.

Enough. Unimaginable screeching as his foot slammed the break pedal and the sports car swayed towards left. Blink, rear view mirror. He watched the driver of the Volvo desperately trying to save his skin, black plume of smoke coming out from the front tires. Front wheel drive, as he predicted. The sedan started spinning around its own axis accompanied by desperate revvs of its engine, breaking through a fence and finally, when there was no more free space to spin, crushing with a loud, dull thud into awhite building.

El Corazòn a Dios, Los Manos el Trabajo — written on the side of the building in curvy elegant letters above the remains of the white sedan.

Complete stop, reverse, turning the steering wheel, 1st gear. The Volvo? Squashed as if hand of God himself was behind it. Car alarm and people shouting, a tired looking middle-aged man locking eyes with Shuntaro as he sped past the scene, heading straight back into the city, to find someone who could perhaps help him. For a price.

* * *

🎶Quiero verla en el show, es como un gato siamés🎶

Chishiya's fingers were very idly tapping to the rhythm of the rock song, his eyes peeled on the road ahead, mind calm enough to put the puzzle pieces together — and there were not many of those. He had the board before his eyes, the plague of insanity hanging above the black king. How many pieces out of the 32 were still there? How many moves until the checkmate? How many boards and players were there? Ringing in his ears, hand wrapping around the steering wheel to the point of his knuckles becoming white. Chishiya took a deep breath, trying to shake off the feeling as he made a right turn. He remembered his wedding day, she refused to wear a dress, he refused to wear a suit, the scent of black elder reaching his nostrills, her favourite flowers. Ringing ceased. Since Aguni's departure from Hatter, Chishiya took over some of his duties, torn between the flying machines and the fumes of the cocaine lab. He spent the last four years huddled in first-class flights between various cities of Southern American countries, ensuring that Hatter's cocaine empire does not rip at its seams. But, as always, everything has its price, and this time it was Chishiya's knowledge pertaining to Hatter's closest circle and matters within it.

🎶Si todo me sale bien...🎶

He absolutely despised not knowing, the uncertainity of having to deal with situations foreign to him. Although the case usually was that he had time to observe quietly from the shadows, gathering information so that to tweak the events in his favour. This time he had no opportunity to do so, he was thrown right into the chain of events that seemed enitrely too far gone to even attempt anything to prevent the chain from loosing its last link.

🎶...lo haré de nuevo, otra vez.🎶

El Lugar Secreto, said the inconspicuous wooden sign, bleached by the everpresent Sun and dryness. A quiet bookstore, like many others in the city but this one held El Sabeltodo's place of employement, or rather, self-employement. Chishiya parked his Corvette in a secluded alley behind the building and put a black tarp over it — a curteousy of El Sabeltodo's. VIP treatment, scoffed Chishiya mentally.

The deep-green shades in the windows were pulled down, giving a passerby an impression that perhaps the store was closed down, but Chishiya has been here enough times to know that this is simply how El Sabletodo prefers his shop to be. He opened the door and an old-timey chimey reached his ears. A welcome coolness caressing his skin. All of the 4 walls of the homely inside were lined with bookcases, nearby stood a sturdy wooden ladder with wheels leaned over one of the taller bookcases. Chishiya strutted towards the wooden counter, running his pointer finger over one of the nearby books neatly lined up on a low cupboard of sorts. He looked at his hand and rubbed his pointer and thumb together — no trace of dust. Disappointing. He anticipated the day he will pay El Sabletodo a visit and finds the place in a slight dissaray, alas, it was not today. He leaned on the counter and chimed the bell as the owner of the establishment was nowhere to be seen.

A radio playing in the background picqued his interest, the jazzy music suddenly stopping and an urgent electronic jingle coming in its place "...Noticia de hoy - fatal accidente automovilístico en la Av. Juan B. Justo. La policía sospecha que esto es el resultado de una carrera callejera ilegal."

Fuck.

[scenicphoenix]

For the longest time I thought I had gotten pretty lucky with the people who work with me on my mental health, knowing how abusive the mental health care system can be. Turns out that the people working with me on my mental health are pieces of shit. And the thing is I can't really just stop seeing them because they help me with things like phone calls and paperwork.

For some context I was talking to one of them about bad memories involving the cops. I made it pretty clear that I hate the cops, and they started defending cops. They couldn't even read the fucking room, like i was talking about bad memories about cops that's the worst time to be a boot licker bro. Their defense was that a lot of mental health professionals get treated like cops by people who hate them, and like I wonder the fuck why that could be? Maybe it's because they're oftentimes just as bad as the cops and use their position to harm minorities? Because they use that power over minorities as supposed mental health professionals to discredit said minorities because they MUST know better as college educated professionals even though someone with the mental illness will always know more about it than they ever will? I want to scream

And this isn't the worst thing to happen to me with this company. I remember the couple times I was sent to a ward when I was a pre teen going through some bullshit. That place was basically a prison. They had a isolation room they shoved you in if you dared go through emotions. You had to stay on the bed in the middle of the room the entire time or they would reset the time. Time was based on how old you were. It wasn't even a proper padded room, the walls had shitty thin carpet that might as well been hard wood, and hard tile flooring. As you can imagine a child going through extreme emotions did not like staying on the bed in the middle of the room, time would be reset a lot. I would ask myself why it took me this long to realize how shitty these people are when this happened to me as a kid, but trauma tends to push back memories until something comes up that reminds you of it all.

Honestly if I could get away with it I would just stop seeing both of the people I see and just go there for my medications. But I wouldn't be surprised if seeing them is a requirement for my disability insurance and thus my access to my medications. And I need the help with phone calls and paperwork, I am not good at phone calls and paperwork. I might be able to bullshit my way through paperwork. But I am honestly useless at phone calls, especially those complicated on purpose robo "press this button now" kinda shit.

[activate-shadow-of-the-window]

Late again! I swear I’ll catch back up. I’m far too deep into this to quit now.

A warning: some purposefully unsettling descriptions of sculk.

-

Hermittober Day 17 (Late): Card

-

Martyn was extremely nervous, to be completely honest.

Who wouldn’t be afraid of a strange facility in the middle of the mountains filled with the Plant that Eats Life, rogue bottles-o-enchanting, and the horrible result of those two things combined. The stuff of nightmares and terrifying bedtime stories, essentially.

Etho sauntered up to the mountainside happily, gazing about with his red eye for a moment before slapping a gloved hand on what seemed to be a patch of glowing lichen. A long series of whirs and clanks suddenly followed, but slowly, a great piston door opened in the side of the mountain. Snow fell from the rocky face and was swept aside by the movement of the door, revealing an unnaturally smooth hallway of brown bricks and polished stone leading into darkness.

The canid gestured at the opening. “Voila! The Lumbar Facility. Judging from how smoothly the door opened, they’ve been using it quite a bit. At least they’re keeping it clean.”

Etho happily began walking down the ominous hallway, his footsteps muffled by the cloth he’d wrapped around his paws. The rest followed more carefully, fanning out in a rough diamond shape around him with Impulse at the head and Grian at the back. Martyn took a position next to Tomo on the right, with Netty opposite him on the left with System.

Grian suddenly snickered under his breath, extremely obviously. “Empire, aye. Yes, everyone else has them. Sound off, folks!”

Martyn began a hushed version of the familiar chorus. “Property, aye!”

“Museum, aye!”

“Downtown, aye!”

“News, aye!”

Grian nodded towards Impulse. “Your turn, mate.”

“Uh, Impulse, aye.”

Etho took the hint. “Etho, aye.”

Cub, reasonably, didn’t join in. They were hovering above the ground next to Grian, his wings still in the air but his body floating nonetheless. The longest growths on him, almost hornlike in their length and placement at his temples, were leaning forward towards the darkness beyond the hallway. They eyes were fully clouded with sculk, nothing but teal iris and blinking white stars.

They reached out a clawed hand towards the interior. “There. Yes. Our kin. Our lost family. They are hungry. So hungry. So so so so so s̷̙͌õ̵̬ ̵̲͛ṡ̷͇ǒ̵̘ h̴̢̾ȗ̷̡ṉ̶̍g̴̞̏ȑ̶̩y̸̞̑. Birds. Cat. Canine. May I eat? Sorry. We lied. May we eat? May we eat of the vermin in the walls?”

Etho shrugged at Grian. “Why not? They’re just silverfish.”

“O-Okay. You all can eat.”

Wordlessly, Cub’s body opened their mouth in a hungry grin. “Thank you. We will help. Worry not. We are just hungry.”

They dove at the wall, wresting bricks and stone tiles from it and clawing at the rock beneath it. Liquid sculk ran from their fingers, weaving across the wall and floor and forming veins and arteries. They wormed their way into the rock, and extracted silverfish after silverfish, squishing those vermin and sucking them dry.

Etho winced at their actions. “Well. At least that’s not us.”

A tendril twitched at the wanderer’s comment. “Yes. You are too. Sour? Bitter? Lived-in. And strong. That is as close we can describe it. We like sweetness. We like weakness. Silverfish are both.”

It was Grian’s turn to shrug. “Let’s just keep on going. Cu— uh, they can catch up later.”

The raiders left the sculk-infested body of Cub behind, their tangled veins still crawling between the bricks as they ate. The hallway soon opened up to a series of open doors, each revealing a room full of equipment hastily shoved aside, the space they once occupied full of boxes and boxes. They were all sealed shut with hammered metal.

Tomo hesitantly approached one of the boxes and poked it with his feather-spear. “Hello? Anyone in here?”

A rasping echo of his voice responded. “In here.”

He cocked his head. “Do you have a name?”

“Have a name. Anyone have a name.”

“Yes, you have a name?”

“Yes, have a name.”

Tomo scrabbled backwards on the tiles and bricks. “Okay okay okay. There is something in there, that I suspect to be the Plant that Eats Life.”

A snicker came from the box, or some mockery of a snicker. “Yes. Have name. Plant that Eats Life.”

System groaned. “Great. You woke it up, News!”

“Get off my back, Downtown! We need an ace up the sleeve if those fugitives come back, and if these sculk boxes are willing, they can be that card!”

The mimicking voice came out again. “Willing. Willing be that card. Sculk willing be that card. Fugitives. Fugitives.”

The last two words were hissed with something like vitriol if a plant was the one talking. The box also shook slightly.

Netty eyed the thing nervously. “Um. Are we sure that they will help us?”

“Help they. Us help they. Sure. Us help they.”

Martyn took a deep breath. “Plant that Eats Life. Will you, the plant, help us, the team, take down the ones who trapped you here, the fugitives? Yes or no?”

The voice mimic-laughed again, and spoke in a hybrid of the people it had heard, seemingly including the fugitives’ deep bass and light tenor. “Yes, yes, yes! Plant will help the team take down the ones who trapped us here! Yes! Yes!”

Grian smiled. “Very well then! Plant, would you like us to break you out of there? Yes or no?”

“Yes! Yes! Break us out!”

Grian, still smiling, unsheathed his cutlass and hacked the wooden box right out of its metal seals. Sculk immediately spilled out, flopping like wilted, old mushrooms over to Grian and hugging him. He reeled back, laughing and playfully batting at the stuff with his feet.

“Help! Help you! Help! Plant help!”

The growths detached themselves from Grian, haphazardly climbing over each other to form a roughly humanoid thing. It had a tail like Impulse, ears like Etho, clawed feet like Grian, and a pair of tendrils like the tied ends of Martyn’s headband. They waved with a four-fingered hand, haphazard growths forming in the general shape of a sleeve around it.

“Hello! Plant help! Plant will help! Plant…”

As they trailed off, the being pointed a limb down the hallway. “Plant! Plant! Not plant, plant!”

Impulse flicked his tail a few times. “Oh! Are you talking about Cub? Cub has plants, and his plants want to help their kin. Are you their kin?”

Plant nodded. “Yes! Their kin! Plant is their kin! Cub is plant kin! Cub help?”

“Yes, Cub and the other plants will help. They’re just… uh, eating.”

“Plant eating? Plant eat. Plant like to eat!”

Etho scratched an ear. “Uh, well, could you wait to eat later?”

They nodded vigorously, and flashed a mouth into existence to smile. “Plant could wait to eat later. Plant will help take down the fugitives. Plant will eat fugitives. Later.”

They sat down, and became completely still. Everyone else followed their example, even Cub, who returned much happier and slightly more coherent a few minutes later.

[softtangent]

Last night we took the plunge, the big dive, that I'd been ruminating about among other things, for the past few weeks. I've kind of always been the type to want to get things over with as quickly as possible so I don't have to think about them anymore. When something is looming, it doesn't leave a lot of space for anything else. Much like how I now have work later in the day, I don't have a lot of capacity for much else before. It can be a blessing and a curse.

Over the weekend I went out and hauled the concrete mix we needed home by myself and we spent all Sunday night and part of Monday morning prepping-- filling the various cracks and holes all around our tiny bathroom. After an anxious afternoon of discussing how things would go and making final touches- we started to mix and pour.

The beginning felt like a portent of disaster. The drills we bought were much too small, the mix was far thinner than I was expecting and the second or third bucket was full of chunks of unmixed leveler. After an emergency call to our guide, we were reassured that things would be ok, that even if this attempt came out less than favorable, we could always pour over it.

After a few hours of overheated drills and somewhat frantic adjustment of the material with my trowel, we finished. After taking a moment to step back, I realized it looked pretty damn good.

In the middle of the night, I got up to relieve the growing sense of having to pee in our functional bathroom in the basement and when I came upstairs I peeked in the under-construction bathroom.

'Wow- we did... such a good job...' I thought to myself as I looked around. Ben who was stirring came to look as well. I got the level out from the chaotic front room and was amazed to find how well it had all turned out.

So the hardest part is over, and maybe the real fun can begin. I spent part of the night trying to imagine what a mosaic using the marble tiles I pulled out might look like. Or if we had a soft bumpy floor made with those little marbles that look like mancala beads.

How it started- the longest part was removing the original beautiful marble tiles that lay under two sad and moldy layers of flooring, one by one:

Taking out the crumbling concrete subfloor that came apart like small islands:

The view of before the most nerve-wracking step yet- the pour:

Our new baby, ready to be polished or tiled:

My toes look so elongated and alien here hahahaha

I could not have finished this stage on my own and I'm glad I didn't attempt to. It was a challenge but I can hope that this success might bring us a little closer together.

My other challenge will be letting go of this carousel of intrusive thoughts visiting me this week. The trust/mistrust. I have some exploring to do because I am growing weary of the same old ruminations.

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

The Night Tourist

(I actually do own this image. I made it with an AI. If you steal it I'll hunt you down.)

Series: Spectral Perception

Word Count: 16,483 (No, I'm not kidding.)

Warnings: Descriptions of blood, self harm, alcohol consumption, violent, frightening images, a lot of talking about death, and language. Two very derogatory terms for women are used - one in a humorous way, but still - this is your warning.

Summary: Both you and Kol knew that the news of your nature would spread through the Supernatural community like a wildfire. Your time had run out. You couldn't stay in your home, you couldn't finish school, and you couldn't even mourn your father's death. Now was the time to run. But where in the world could you run to? Was there anywhere you could ever be safe? || Kol x Banshee!reader || Here lies my Masterlist ||

Requested by: @trikigirl271 Thanks for your interest in my writing and for all your suggestions for this series. I hope you're not disappointed! So, in honor of the longest request I have ever received, here is the longest fic I've ever written.

A/N: Please note that the Other Side in this story does not even attempt to resemble the one in TVD canon. The Other Side portrayed in the show was a lame, low budget TV show rendition of the land of the dead and I intend to make mine 300% more epic. Also, this is low-key inspired by the novel of the same title by Katherine Marsh. Thanks for reading!

🔥STORY BEGINS BELOW.🔥

Death was to you like the humidity in Florida. It clung to you, it seemed. It coated your skin in a nasty, unwanted film and lingered around you in the air, weighing almost painfully in your lungs every time you took a breath. Perhaps that was why your chest hurt so much. Death surrounded you. It always had. 

As for everyone around you? Same story - all dead. Your mother had died the day you were born; you'd killed her to come into this world. Kol was dead, but he'd been that way since you'd met him. Now your father was dead too. And come on now, really, how was that not your fault? He was dead because of you. Because you were some stupid supernatural freak who couldn't make up her mind on wether to be dead or not! You should have just died in that car crash. 

Oh wait. That's right. You had.

You were dead, how funny was that? So why weren't you laughing? 

Death clung to you. You had escaped it and it wanted you back so it was taking your life away one little bit at a time.

That wasn't very fair. But then again, life was never fair. Why should death be any different?

You scowled, glaring down at the tiles of your kitchen floor. They sparkled and shown. Clean. Immaculate. Kol had done a good job; no one would have ever guessed that a man had bled out on those tiles just last afternoon. You shook your head and raised the bottle in your grasp to your lips. Tipping it back, you took a long, painful swig and decided that those tiles were too damn clean. You weren't gonna act like nothing had happened so you stumbled over to the knife block and withdrew the biggest one. Standing over the place where you'd seen your father's body lying dead, you tucked your bottle under one arm and slit your palm with the knife. You held your hand out over the pristine tiles and clenched it in a fist, letting the crimson liquid ooze between your fingers, dripping to the ground. 

The stuff burned your throat but your expression was blank as you took another sip of whatever alcohol was in that bottle. Your vision was too blurry for you to read the label, but it was probably brandy… or bourbon… or whiskey. Probably just wherever that stupid ghost could get his hands on. Kol had a tendency to swipe the stuff at pretty much any opportunity - he'd been slowly building a stash in your basement over the last year. You didn't care much anymore. You had attempted to reprimand him for his rash of thefts when you’d first caught onto him, but he would always just flash you that stupid smirk, pairing it with some off-the-cuff comment about how alcohol apparently helped with his cravings at which point you’d roll your eyes and forget about it until your next shopping trip where he would undoubtedly do the same thing. It never mattered what you said, Kol just did whatever he wanted. 

You weren’t a stupid person, and you weren’t a trusting one either. People didn’t hurt you because you didn’t give them the chance to do so. The story your kidnapper had told you was more than likely true. After all, people don’t seek revenge for nothing and seven hundred years is a long time to hold a grudge. You hadn’t told Kol of your conversation with Christianna Galkin when he informed you of the bounty hunter’s name and reputation. He hadn’t told you anything more about her, neither confirming nor denying anything she’d said to you. The more you thought about it, the more you began to believe her words as they echoed in your mind.

“Where’s he gonna leave you, I wonder?”

Come on now, really. Why else would Kol Mikaelson - a one thousand year old Original vampire with a vendetta and a million better things to do - ever choose to attach himself to some slightly more than mediocre college student if not for your blood? How convenient was it that the girl he just so happened to stumble across would turn out to be a freaking banshee? How convenient of him to have befriended you before you discovered the extent of your abilities. What a coincidence it was for him to fall in love with you only after you’d discovered you could touch him, just after you’d begun to accommodate him, just as you’d begun to long for his touch. You’d told him you were in love with him too. He’d said it first because he knew you never would.

Hadn’t he been the one to ask for your blood? That had been him, his suggestion. Kol’s desire, not yours.

And had he not almost killed you immediately after that?

Wasn’t it just so odd that he had a hard time controlling himself - that he struggled to keep himself from taking your blood? Kol was a selfish boy by nature. So wasn’t it strange that he would be so noble and selfless when it came to your blood - to the thing he craved more than anything? You could tell he wanted it, and you had offered to let him feed on you because you didn’t like to see him suffer. But no, he made the self sacrificing play. Why? That wasn’t like him, Kol was the least self sacrificing person you knew. Despite already being dead, you knew he would never choose to die for you, he would always do his best to find any loophole because any situation where he lost something wasn’t acceptable. So, why would he pass up on any chance for a taste? Kol was hooked on your blood - he needed it. He was an addict, just like any other. If a policeman were to offer a heroin addict a dose, he simply wouldn't be able to resist unless he knew he could get it some other way. So wasn’t it funny that all of Kol’s actions oh so perfectly implored you to go out of your way to satisfy him?

Wasn’t that all so convenient? One might even call it calculated.

It was a backward and ingenious manipulation, but then again, he was one thousand years old. Was this not what Chrissy had warned you about. According to her, this was just what Kol did. Where would he leave you?

Perhaps you were about to find out.

You lifted your head and nearly fell over when you heard the front door swing open and slam shut. You glared at him, blinking rapidly to try to clear your vision which was swimming. Whether that was an effect of the alcohol or the bloodloss, you couldn’t exactly tell. 

“Y/N, I hope you’re packed because we really need to-” 

Kol made it to the kitchen and stopped dead in his tracks. His voice hitched when he caught the scent of your blood. Dripping from your hand, pooled on the kitchen tile - he couldn’t take his eyes off it. Those eyes turned into black pits of tar and his fangs slid out, sharper than the knife you’d used to slit your hand. Your drunken mind wondered vaguely what he would do. His hands were shaking - yours were too funnily enough. The boy stood perfectly still, though that was probably all he could do to stop himself from tearing into your throat. He swallowed thickly and wet his lips, then slowly, painfully slowly, he turned his head; yet, his eyes lingered, staring at your bleeding hand with longing desperation as if it were the only thing he wanted in the world. It must have taken a monumental amount of effort, but he finally drew his eyes along your body up to your face. He took a few measured breaths and opened his mouth to speak. His eyes were still black holes.

“Darling, why-” He cut himself off with a choked noise and squeezed his eyes shut, gripping the door frame for support. It kept getting worse for him, probably because he’d been consistently animated for going on forty-eight hours. Maybe it was just because you were drunk out of your mind, but you weren’t afraid of him or what he might do. What did it matter? You couldn’t be killed by him anyway. Even if you could, you didn’t exactly have a lot to lose. He opened his eyes but those still weren’t the ones you’d fallen in love with - they were still just dark and cold and hungry. “Why did you do that?” He demanded. His attempt at calm was nothing more than a mask. He was afraid - terrified of tearing down the illusion he’d created. “Do you want me to hurt you? Because I guarantee this is an excellent way to ensure it.” The boy groaned and slid to the floor, curling up on himself  like a child with a stomach ache. You felt a pang of guilt but the alcohol wiped it away. Not your problem.

You simply shrugged and pointed to the kitchen floor. “It was too, uh… too clean,” You said, slurring your words more than just a little bit.

Kol lifted his head. “What?”

“Too clean!” You repeated, even less intelligible than the first time. “Dad’s dead, an’ th’ floors ‘ss too clean, an’ th’ A frickin’ C’s like down too low.” You leaned against the counter and huffed. “I mean, whass’a girl tuh’ do?”

“Well, not get sloshed for one thing,” He grumbled under his breath.

“I dunno.” You smirked, raising the bottle again. “I kinda like it.”

"Lovely," He deadpanned. "Well, this is going to be something of a problem.”

You rolled your head to look at him. “Mmm… I only see one problem here. It’s ‘bout 6’1, brunette, with no sense of when to leave a person alone!”

He sighed and the thump that reached your ears when he hit his head against the door frame sounded a little too loud to be okay. “Alright, that’s enough.” Kol stood, grimacing, and held his hand out. “Give me the bottle.”

Your playful expression dropped and you shook your head. “No can-do, cracker jack.”

“Give it to me.”

“Uh, uh.”

“Now, Y/N,” He warned.

“No!” You took a demonstrative sip and crossed your arms stubbornly. “Why don’t you come on over here and take it?”

Kol growled, grinding his teeth. “You really wouldn’t like it if I did,” He said lowly, eyes narrowing. He shook his head and sighed. “What are you doing, darling? This isn’t you.”

“Yell heah, it’s not!” You exclaimed, laughing though it was mostly just hysterical. Somehow, despite the drunkenness, you couldn’t find much humor in yourself. You tilted your head obnoxiously, tapping your chin. “But come to think of it, neither is finding my Dad dead on the floor, ya know? That’s not like me at all. O-or finding out that I’m dead too - gotta say that’s way outta character.” You started counting the events of the past two days off on your fingers, fumbling a couple of times. “Along with - I dunno - getting kidnapped, or getting my body and soul stuck in a magical shredding machine, or having visions of the future, or being muzzled like some rabid hound, or rupturing some person’s ear drums with a sonic scream, or feeding my blood to the ghost of a mass-murdering vampire,” You hissed, watching him unblinkingly with a seething glare. If looks could kill then blah, blah, blah. “Man, now that I say it out loud, I have no idea why I’m drinking! It’s not like my whole life is falling apart or anything, right?”

Kol blinked and his expression completely shattered. His mouth was open slightly and you watched his fangs retract as the blackness in his eyes faded and that warm chocolate color showed through once more. 

“Darling…” He started, voice as soft as the chirping of crickets outside.

You just scowled at him. “Oh, don’t darling me,” You spat. “This is all your fault! I could have lived a long, happy, normal life if not for you! Now all of that’s gone!” 

“What? How on earth-” He stopped. “Wait… Wait a second, you’re not suggesting…” He trailed off and all you did in response was sit down, leaning your back against the refrigerator. You just waited for him to get the picture. He did and when he did, it was like the boy had gotten the wind knocked out of him, like your statement had been a very literal punch to the gut. His brows pulled together and he shook his head. He just looked confused… and hurt… So, so hurt. But you didn’t feel very much sympathy. You didn’t have it in you to feel much of anything, nor did you want to. Hence the drinking.

“You think I killed you?” He whispered, choking on the words. You didn’t answer but that was answer enough. The boy took a few steps back, hands tearing through his hair with a muffled noise that could have been a scream had it been a little louder. His legs seemed to give out and he fell to the floor, wringing his hands to hide just how badly they were shaking. Taking a breath to calm himself didn’t seem to work very well. “Please don’t tell me you actually think I had something to do with your death.”

“Well, being dead and all, you sure stood to gain something from it,” You noted, hiccuping. The expression on his face didn’t look quite like guilt, but you weren’t sure what else it could be.

“No. No, Y/N… For pete’s sake, I didn’t kill you, darling.” He insisted. “I had no clue what you were! Why would I kill you? Even if I could affect the living world as a ghost, I wasn’t even in the area when you died.” 

“Then where were you?”

“An annoying little town in Northern Virginia. A place called Mystic Falls,” Kol said with a huff. Only a moment later did he seem to realize what he’d accidently given away.

“Northern Virginia, eh? You know how many miles away from here that is, right?” You demanded, eyes narrowing as you leaned forward. “Huh. I wonder what could have possibly driven you to travel all that way? Somehow I seriously doubt you came here to make fun of college students.” 

The boy paled. “Listen, Y/N/N, I didn’t-”

“Betta’ choose your next words veeery carefully,” You warned. Those words seemed to halt his lies in their tracks. He couldn’t meet your eyes.

“Look… I-I never meant for any of this to happen,” He muttered ashamedly.

You nodded and took a long swig from the bottle before setting it down on the ground loud enough to wake the neighbors. “You’re a liar, Kol Mikaelson,” You said, astoundingly clear for how drunk you were. “Why don’t you jus’ admit it! You knew what I was the whole friggin’ time.”

“I swear to you, I had no idea,” He claimed. “There’s no way to discern whether a female of Irish descent will become a banshee upon her death and no way to identify her once she has. I had my theories but… there was just no way to tell.” He dragged a hand through his hair. His eyes pleaded with you to believe him but you saw no reason why you should.

“Tough luck,” You remarked. He was lying. He had known. You were sure of it.

Kol leaned his head against the door frame. “What is it that you want me to say, love?” 

You frowned, huffing. “The truth sounds good righta’ bout now.”

“You want the truth?” Kol sighed, shaking his head. His mouth pulled down at the corners in a grimace and he dragged his lip through his teeth, tossing his hands in the air. “Fine then… Fine! The answer is yes! Is that it? Is that what you want?” He demanded. His eyes were wild but his voice was thin. “You want to hear how selfish my venture to find you was? Want me to tell you what a cruel and evil monster I am? Is that what you’re so desperate to hear? I was drawn to this area because I could sense your power, alright? I admit it!" He cried. "I knew what you were but I had no true understanding of what a banshee’s magic was capable of! I had no idea what you would do to me! There’s only been two banshees ever recorded in supernatural history and I was curious. I didn't want to hurt you, darling; I never wanted to hurt you…” Something in his chocolate eyes turned oddly cold and he shrugged. “I wanted to study you.”

There was the truth you’d been searching for. Chrissy had been right, hadn’t she. You were nothing to him. You might as well have been livestock - a sheep or a rat.

“Study me?” You seethed. “Like some lab rat?” 

“Yes! Exactly like a lab rat!” Kol hissed through clenched teeth. “You know why? Because I was dead and nothing - nothing  - in the whole bloody world mattered anymore! I was murdered, yet my family forgave the culprits and forgot about me!"

“Oh, cry me a river, ya big baby!” You sassed. “Life sucks and then you die! That’s how it works. I.E. grow the frick-frack up!”

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” He spat, rolling his eyes. “Look at yourself, drinking your problems away - you’re no better than I am! When I first saw you, do you want to know how disappointed I was? You were nothing extraordinary - just some girl with no bloody clue what she was or what she was in for.”

That hurt more than you'd been prepared for. The alcohol didn't dull the pain.

“Then why’d you bother sticking around?” You asked quietly.

“Well honestly, I had nothing else better to do.” He laughed but it was humorless. "So I watched you. I did; I watched you and I lusted after everything you had, because it wasn't fair that you got the power to come back and I didn't. Then you had to come and tell me off and suddenly, for the first time in my life - for the first time in one thousand bloody years - I wasn’t invisible!” Kol’s mind seemed to catch up with his mouth a second later and his expression softened. “You saw me. You talked to me and it was like magic because all at once I would have done anything to please you.”

“Really?” You scoffed. “You ruined my life because you wanted attention?” 

“Stop that,” He muttered. Kol’s fist collided with the door frame and the wood split with a crack. You jumped at the sudden display of violence but shrugged a moment later. So what if he tore your house down? You wouldn’t be spending much longer here anyway, regardless of what happened next. Kol took a breath - to his credit, he was at least trying not to be angry with you. “Stop blaming your circumstances on me, Y/N. You’re upset and looking for someplace to pin that guilt, but your father’s death was not my fault. None of this is my fault!” 

“Isn’t it?” You droned.

“No. In fact, I think you should be thanking me,” He said. “Are you aware of just how many witches on the Other Side came here seeking your power? Dead witches can still access their magic, darling. If it wasn’t for me then you would have been in this exact position only much, much sooner, except you would have gone through it alone. Don’t you get it, love?” The boy leaned forward meaningfully. “I protected you.”

“Is that supposed to make it better?” You sneered mockingly. “The only person I’ve ever really had is dead, but it’s all good, ya’ know? I’m just supposed to be right as rain because Kol Mikaelson chose to save the day!”

His eyes darkened. “That is not what I said.”

You rolled your eyes and kicked the bottle at your feet towards him. It bumped against his knee but he made no move to touch it. You had nothing more to say to him. What were you supposed to say? He’d clearly just been trying to manipulate you this whole time and as loathe as you were to admit it, his tactic had worked like a charm.

“Y/N?” Kol called your name softly. 

You snarled. “What?”

“I never wanted to hurt you,” He promised.

“Oh, no! ‘Course not!” You waved a hand dismissively but your voice dripped with sarcastic venom. “You jus’ wanted to manipulate me! Make me love you so you could drain every last drop of magical puppet potion from my veins ‘cuz you wanted to be a real boy again. Nothin’ wrong with that.”

Kol clenched his teeth. “For once in your life, Y/N, could you please stop it with the know-it-all attitude and just listen?” He stressed.

“Eh… No.”

“I am telling you the truth.”

“Don’t much care.” You shrugged. “You were never really my friend. Don’t see why I should do diddly-squat for you.” You threw your head back and laughed, wincing a little as your skull hit stainless steel. The alcohol dulled the pain pretty quick.

He sighed and shook his head. Then, picking up the bottle you had discarded at his feet, Kol raised his wrist to his lips and his eyes went dark and he sank his teeth into his own flesh before holding the wound over the bottle’s opening to bleed. There was still enough alcohol left for his blood to diffuse within it. He screwed the cap back on and rolled the bottle back over. It hit your foot and you grimaced 

"Drink that," He commanded.

You raised your eyes from the bottle to his own, lifting a brow slowly. "Imma drunk stupid, nott’a stupid drunk," You replied.

"Do it or I'll make you, and I guarantee you won't like that very much." His eyes were hard. Like coal. Ha ha ha and that still wasn’t funny.

Begrudgingly, you swiped up the bottle and took a sip. The liquid burned your throat and tasted like pennies and the whole experience was downright unpleasant. You felt tingly for a moment afterwards, but what followed was infinitely worse. 

Instantaneous sobriety.

Honestly, you didn’t feel all that different. You were still hurting and depressed, it was just stronger now. All that alcohol had done was mush those messy emotions down to stop you from crying your eyes out. The feelings were back with a vengeance, which was gross but at least you didn't have a hangover. You leveled your spectral companion with a hard look.

"There was a reason I was drinking," You grumbled, rubbing your eyes. You could feel the tears coming already.

"Believe me, darling, I'm well aware," He hummed. 

You sighed, staring at him for a moment. "So did you ever really care about me as a person, or was it only because of what I am?" 

He raised a brow. "Do you really think I would be trying this hard to restrain myself from ripping out your throat if I didn't adore you with all my heart?"

"You're an excellent liar, Kol," You said, chuckling as you wiped at the tears that hadn’t stopped streaming down your face since you’d found your father dead. You couldn’t stop them, the tears just kept on coming. "For the life of me, I just can't tell what's real with you."

He nodded and you knew your words hurt him. But he took a deep breath and kept on trying.

He lowered his gaze, playing nervously with his hands in his lap. “I suppose I haven't given you much of a reason to believe me. All I ever do is take from you, I have nothing to give. But, darling, I don’t think you understand what it's like over there - on the Other Side," He murmured, shaking his head. “It’s a nightmare. Every dead supernatural being is trapped there, stirring in their own hate, cannibalizing each other for it. I dragged my essence to this side of the veil to find you. Once I had, I didn’t want to go back - I couldn’t go back - to that hell. But being on this side of the veil nearly drove me insane too. Do you have any idea how lonely it is to sit in a room full of people and not be seen by a single one? No one knows you're there; you can scream and scream and scream and no one will ever hear you." His expression was twisted into a grimace, but he picked at the grout of the tiles he knelt on and his voice could only sound tortured. "Being invisible will drive you mad, but that's not even the worst part. As a ghost, you can't touch anything in the living world; you can touch objects on the Other Side but you can't feel them. There's no sensation - no hot or cold, firm or soft, no pleasure, no pain - only infinite nothing. 

"You can't sleep. You can't eat. All you can do is watch everyone else have everything you can't," He said. Then he sighed, shrugging. "I understand that it’s pathetic - that it’s weakness, but I just-” You caught the flick of his eyes through his lashes as they darted towards the pool of crimson liquid just a few feet off to your right. He shifted away from it just slightly and curled in on himself a little more. "I just couldn't stand to be alone anymore," He admitted.

“I was door number three,” You surmised, nodding. The tears in your eyes kept falling.

“You were my door number three,” He agreed. “And I wasn’t trying to manipulate you, though I realize now that’s what it must seem like. I just… couldn’t let go.”

“So it was selfish,” You concluded. 

Kol looked up at you through his lashes. Right then, he looked just like the loving boy you’d fallen in love with a year ago. “It was selfish,” He confirmed. The corner of your mouth twitched.

That was what you’d wanted to hear from him. You were right! So why did knowing it hurt that much more? Knowing for sure was supposed to make it feel better, but it didn’t. You were falling all apart and putting yourself back together was beginning to seem less and less likely. What else could you do but bow your head and cry?

Then Kol added, “At first.”

Your head snapped up and you stared at him with wide eyes and an aching soul. He smiled something of a crooked boyish smile and even though it was only half-hearted and a little bit sheepish in a sort of cocky way, you couldn’t help what came next. 

You scrambled off the kitchen floor and threw your arms around his neck, tackling him in what you intended as a hug though your grip on him was probably tight enough for it to be considered a headlock. Kol caught you with a muffled noise of surprise and very nearly fell over backward because of it. His whole body stiffened, his fingertips digging into your arms, but you didn’t care. You just held him tighter.

“Why can’t I ever tell if you’re lying to me?” You demanded in a hoarse whisper. Your throat was raw from the stinging alcohol and all the tears you’d tried to swallow. 

“Because I don’t lie to you,” He answered. His voice was strained as his chin rested on your shoulder. “I may bend the truth a bit, but I’ve never lied to you. Not once.” 

“Promise?” You pressed. Kol was silent.

Why wasn’t he answering?

Why wasn’t he answering?

Before you could make another move, the world around you shifted and blurred. Your back hit something soft and you blinked, looking up. Kol hovered over you, a relaxed and playful grin spread across his face. 

“I promise,” He said, pushing a stray lock of hair from your face. His thumb caressed your cheek and you raised a brow, opening your mouth to ask, but the boy leaned down and kissed you before you could. “I had to get out of that room, darling,” He murmured into your mouth. “It was driving me crazy.” 

“My bad,” You chuckled. “That was pretty stupid.”

“In your defense, you were drunk.”

“Well, drunk-me is pretty stupid.”

“She is indeed.” He nodded. You gasped mockingly and Kol pecked your lips again, grinning. “Don’t tell her I said that though.”

“I think she overheard you.”

Kol pouted and lowered himself so he could nuzzle into your neck. His lips skimmed the column of your throat, leaving careful kisses that you couldn't help but relax into. Your hand found its way into his silky soft hair and you carded your fingers through it, grinning lazily when you felt him shiver and squeeze you tighter. Kol hummed sweetly in contentment, biting your shoulder gently with only blunt teeth. You gasped and tried not to think about his hand slowly exploring more of you than he'd ever touched before. 

"Kol," Your voice was weak and breathy. "Don't go starting something you can't finish."

"I'm not," He mumbled, smoothing his palm along the base of your ribcage. "This is alright, though… isn't it?" His touch was hypnotic, lulling you into a sense of security as his lips brushed over your collar bone.

You nodded and your eyes fluttered closed. "Mm hmm… yeah."

"Good." He left a kiss at the hollow of your throat before pressing one more against your cheek. His eyes were liquid amber as he stared down at you, caressing your cheek with a faint smile. "I love you, Y/N. I really do," He said softly. "One day I'll prove it to you and you'll never have to doubt it again."

"M'kay." You smiled. "I love you too… idiot." The boy laughed.

A moment later, Kol's lips met yours and it wasn't like any kiss you'd shared with him before. All the other times and been sweet and playful and though they had been their own sort of special, this one blew them all away. Kol kissed you like a slow dance; it was elegantly affectionate, fetchingly attentive to your every movement, and intimate without being overly lustful. You could picture yourself in a ballroom, spinning to some silent song, but at the same time you wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. A pleasant warmth spread out from your chest as he tenderly deepened the kiss, drawing a soft moan from you. Kol made you feel like a princess.

The tension in your muscles eased and you just relaxed, letting Kol kiss you. His hands roamed your body - feeling, petting, and occasionally squeezing - but never in a way that strayed outside your comfort zone. Little by little, his touches soothed away the fear, the anger, and the sadness weighing in your bones. Those feelings didn't go away completely, but that was alright, because he was there with you and he always would be. Chrissy had been wrong. Kol Mikaelson was capable of love.

After a while, the boy broke away from you, resting his forehead against your own.

"We should get going," He whispered, combing his fingers through your hair. "You're not safe here anymore."

You nodded, opening your eyes to take in his expression. He seemed happy but a little bit sad too. 

"Your mother's coming after me, isn't she?" You asked.

"Us, darling," He corrected. "She's coming after us." The boy leaned down to press another kiss against your brow. "But I won't let her hurt you. She'll never even come close, I promise."

"Where will we go?" You wondered. With a dead-undead-dead witch after you, would anywhere truly be safe? Kol sighed.

"As loath as I am to admit it, I think our best chance lies in New Orleans."

"New Orleans?" You questioned. "But didn't you say your family is there?"

He nodded. "I did."

You bit your lip. "Kol, not to be rude, but I'm not sure if I really wanna grab your family's attention." 

They were a bunch of superpowered mass murderers after all. Yes, Kol was just as guilty as the rest of them, but he was your mass-murderer. You couldn't say the same of the rest of his family.

"I'm not exactly chomping at the bit for a family reunion either, love," He admitted, grimacing just a bit. Kol moved off of you and sat up, pulling you with him. "But our best hope of finding a permanent way to ensure my mother never harms you is to do so with their support. I may hate Klaus, but he is a strategic genius. Besides, if Christianna really is a member of the Strix then we'll have to deal with those lunatics too and, unfortunately, Elijah is the only one who can call his hounds off the hunt." He shrugged. "Best to get to him sooner rather than later."

"Okay." You took a shuddering breath and forced a smile. "Still, New Orleans is miles away," You pointed out. "Are you sure we can get there before…"

Kol placed his hands on your arms, looking you in the eyes. "No one is going to hurt you. I won't let them. Besides, you are more capable of fending for yourself than you believe."

You sent him an incredulous look. "You're kidding me, right?"

"No, I'm not."

"Kol, I can't do the screaming thing on command!" You insisted.

He shrugged. "I can teach you."

You bit your lip, nodding. "Sure, sure... And what do you know about being a Banshee?"

Kol opened his mouth to reply but shut it rather quickly, pausing for a moment to re-think his answer. "Alright, admittedly nothing. But, I have spent one thousand years - give or take a century - studying magic and the past two years figuring out how the Other Side works. So, between the two of us, we should be able to figure it out."

You raised your eyebrows. "That's gotta be the least reassuring thing I've heard all day."

"It'll be fine!"

"I'm not betting on that," You said. "Either way, taking care of my, er, condition can wait. We still gotta figure out how we're gonna get to New Orleans, cuz I don't have the money to book a flight."

A sly smirk spread across Kol's lips. "I might know someone who'd be willing to take us," He said with an innocent tilt of his head.

That statement sent alarm bells chiming through your brain. 

"Just who exactly are we talking about?"

The boy simply grinned. "This is where that condition of yours comes in."

"What?"

A few moments later, you stood on the sidewalk in front of your house. You had stuffed your school bag with anything you might need for the next few days and you wore it on your back, tugging nervously on the straps.

"This is a terrible, terrible, idea," You announced, grimacing at the thought of using your powers again.

"You need to have more faith in yourself." Kol smirked. 

"No thanks, I'm good."

He rolled his eyes. "Alright, so what did you do to access your power last time?"

You thought about it for a moment. "I felt all tingly, I guess?"

"Okay, so focus on that and do what comes naturally."

You bit your lip and glanced around, there were ghosts lining the evening streets. They were all simply going about their business, doing whatever it is that ghosts do, seeming mostly unaware of you as they did. 

"These other ghosts-" You asked quietly. "- can they see us?"

"No," Kol answered, shaking his head. "Ghosts are like people - we can only see the plane of existence where the largest portion of our essence currently resides. Therefore a ghost on the Other Side can only see the Other Side, whereas a ghost on this side of the veil can see only the living world."

"So why can I see both you and them?"

He shrugged. "You're a Banshee," He replied. "As I said before, you effectively straddle the line between living and dead and thus can see both worlds. Currently, the majority of your essence is concentrated on this side, but once you cross over the dead will be able to see you."

You nodded. "Well, that's not scary at all." The boy chuckled and you frowned. "But what about you?"

He waved a hand. "Your blood wore off while we were making out so I'll be able to cross over with you just fine."

"Okay…" You were out of excuses.

"Just focus, Y/N," He encouraged softly. "This is in your nature, just let it happen."

You closed your eyes and sighed, wringing out your hands. Focusing on the ghosts you could feel standing all around you - and you realized then that, yes you could feel them - you opened yourself up to the energy surrounding them. The sensation started in your fingertips. It felt like the frosty waves that radiate from a block of ice when you hold your hands close to its surface. Like a creeping rime, the unnatural chill swept through your arms, creeping along your skin to encase your entire body. Every instinct you had demanded that you flinch away from it, anything to break off the connection, but you ignored all of them and kept pulling.

You could feel the chasm separating the two worlds - an ocean of endless blackness that both isolated and connected not only the world of the living and the Other Side, but every strange and unseen shore of infinite realms yet to be explored. You could sense them out there; the multiverse and all its power and this void that flowed between them. You were one with it. Something in you yearned to explore that vast expanse - to escape what had become your reality and travel anywhere else - but you pushed that feeling away. You could never leave Kol behind, you had sworn you wouldn't abandon him, so within that 4-D ocean of space and time you focused on the island that must have been the Other Side. 

For one thing, it was the closest to the plane of existence you had just come from. The Other Side was like a boat moored to a dock. It kept attempting to drift away and float freely in the black ocean but it was as though there were magical chains keeping the realm tethered down. You guided yourself along those chains until you reached their end. When your form felt solid again, you opened your eyes.

The world around you was the same in some aspects. You were standing on your street, in front of your house but that was where the similarities stopped. The sky above was bleak and eerie, the moon hung full and looming in the sky but there were no stars. Everything was blanketed in a thick greenish fog that obscured your vision. You felt isolated and alone in the mist, yet you could feel the eyes of a multitude of ghosts trained on you and it made your skin crawl as you caught glimpses of their shadowy forms. The whole world reeked of death - of rotting flesh and burning corpses - it made you want to empty your stomach, but you realized with a start that you couldn't.

"Very good, darling. That trick took me months to master." 

You jumped at the sudden voice piercing the silence, whirling around. Behind you stood Kol in all his undead glory - eyes dark, fangs out, and a hole in his chest exposing a mutilated heart. Though you'd seen him this way once before, you couldn't help the scream that clawed itself from your throat. Luckily, Kol reacted significantly faster this time, clapping his hands over his ears just before any damage could be done.

You slapped your hands over your mouth quickly, eyes wide. 

"What on earth was that for?!" He demanded incredulously, dropping his hands.

"Sorry!" You peeped. "You just surprised me."

His expression was priceless but you tried your best not to laugh. "Bloody hell woman! You're going to be the death of me."

"Pretty sure I'm too late for that," You muttered under your breath.

He raised a brow. "Funny."

"Thanks, I-" You cut yourself off with a gasp as your gaze was drawn to the building behind him. The walls of your home began to fade away, becoming translucent until they disappeared completely, replaced by a visage of grand trees with long, looming branches. You glanced around at the rest of your street to find it changing as well. Time seemed to turn back on itself as the tarmac road shifted into one paved with cobblestone and the electric street lamps that accosted the sidewalk were lit by candle light once more. You gripped your ghost's sleeve, stepping a little closer to him just to be safe. "Kol? What in the Sam Hill just happened?" You asked, eyes wide.

"Hmm?" The boy didn't seem bothered. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean, why does my street suddenly look like we just Somewhere in Time-ed?"

"Oh, you mean the decor?" He pried your hand's white-knuckle grip from his sleeve and brought it to his lips. The gesture did little to comfort you. "It's nothing to worry about."

"Well, I'm worried so get talking," You said, unable to keep your eyes from darting all around at the other ghosts lining the sidewalks.

He regarded you for a moment before seeming to make up his mind. "I suppose we have a moment. Come, sit." The boy tugged you along as he moved to sit on the curb. You sat beside him and he angled himself towards you so your knees were touching. "Ready for a crash course in being dead?" He asked with a cheeky grin.

You made a face. "Ready as I'll ever be."

"Good answer." He smirked. Kol rubbed his hands together eagerly and you had to admit to being just a little bit scared. "Alright! Before I start, I want you to take everything you know about reality -" You nodded slowly. "- and toss it out the metaphorical window because I guarantee you it does not apply here."

You blinked. "Yeah, okay." Kol grinned and as he started talking, you could see a gleam in his eyes that you hadn't before. This was his passion - best you listen.

"The Other Side is an odd place, even as far as alternate dimensions go. Here, the concepts of space and time aren't as concrete as they are in the world of the living. For one thing, they're just like everything else in this place - incorporeal, impermanent. See, this reality used to be one of countless others like it, merely a reflection of our own with a few subtle differences, that is until a witch decided that she wanted to use it as a safety net for her revenge plot. She cast a spell that anchored this reality to the living world and designed it as a sort of catch-all for any being touched by magic, ensuring we never find peace." He sent you a tight smile.

"So that's why I couldn't see my dad?" You wondered. "Because he found peace and you couldn't?"

Kol nodded. "A veil similar to the one that keeps the living from seeing this realm, prevents souls like my own from finding the light." He explained. "Now, we're all trapped - doomed to wander this breach between worlds for all eternity." The boy turned his gaze outward into the shifting mists and the ghosts wandering aimlessly within them. A frown marred his lips and he began twisting one of the rings on his left hand. He sighed heavily. "Bloody hell, I hate it here. It's not right. Werewolves, vampires, and witches alike - they all come here when they die, even those that never discovered their abilities… children. They're all trapped here with monsters and murderers." Kol shook his head, muttering a curse under his breath. You reached out to touch his arm gently and he glanced up, offering a faint smile that was heartfelt if not entirely genuine. He took a breath and continued.

"Anyway, in order to be so close to the living plane, this place has been pulled out of orbit, so to speak. It doesn't want to be here nor does it want to interact with the living world at all, thus it tends to drift, which renders the laws of reality a little bit bendy to anyone with enough power. Time has no lasting effect and space can be molded to fit one's needs, or more specifically, your needs." He paused to waggle his brows at you. "This is where it gets fun," He promised. "There are a few things in the cosmos that make beings powerful. One of which is age and another is miracles - you're the latter. Your power is… intense yet ambient. It's a part of the two worlds you walk in, and with time, I think I can teach you to mold both realms to your desires."

Your brows pulled together and you nodded, still trying to wrap your head around that. "So, you're saying that as this place drifts further from the living plane, its appearance fluctuates through time?"

"Something like that, yes." He grinned. "Good to see you're catching on."

"Is it like a pendulum, with things looking more modern as it gets closer to the living world?" You wondered. " Or is it just kinda random?"   

Kol shrugged. "I'm sure there is a pattern, but it seems mostly random from what I've observed," He said. "I think you're partially right. Time here does behave like a pendulum but at random times - most likely whenever a new soul crosses the gap, as you did earlier."

"Oh…" You nodded. "That's cool. But the thing with space that you were talking about…"

"Yes?"

"Is that how you teleport?" You asked, talking with your hands. "You just cross over, fold space up how you want it, then cross back?"

 "Precisely." His grin grew wider. "Would you like to try it?"

You shook your head vigorously. "What? No! I don't know how!"

"No better time to learn!" Kol pulled you to your feet and pointed into the distance. "You see the end of the street?"

You had to squint through the fog, though it didn't help much with visibility. "Barely."

Kol stood behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders. "I want you to imagine that the end of the street is right in front of you, though how you do that is your decision. Personally, I like to imagine myself folding a piece of paper and taking a step but I've spoken to other ghosts who picture themselves jumping a gap."

"Okay." You bit your lip and wrung your hands. "Here goes nothing."

You closed your eyes and pictured your hands scrunching up the land between you and the end of the sidewalk, bunching it like an accordion, then you hopped forward. When your feet hit the ground, you opened your eyes and grinned. You were standing exactly where you had pictured. You turned around and pumped your fists in the air.

"I did it!" You called back to Kol.

"Excellent job, love!" He shouted. "Now come on back!"

You could have done that… but you decided to try something else. In your mind, you scrunched up the sidewalk between the two of you again but instead of crossing the distance, you reached across it. You pictured yourself grasping onto Kol's arms and tugging him forward.

Your eyes snapped open as you heard the boy cry out, a spark of panic ripping at your lungs. Kol's hands shot out, gripping your clothes as he stared at you with surprise. He glanced over his shoulder at where he'd previously been standing, then back at you and a bright grin stretched across his face.

"Never thought to try that before," He laughed, brushing out the wrinkles he'd made in your jacket. You couldn't help but grin as well. "But before you get any ideas, you're not taking us to New Orleans."

Your face fell. "Why not?!" You demanded. "Jumping the street was easy, I'm like ninety percent sure I could do that at least a couple more times without killing us!"

"I know, and I'm very proud of you," Kol said, smirking just a little bit at your eagerness. "But there's a bit of a difference between jumping the street and jumping to New Orleans." He pulled you closer and kissed your forehead, wrapping his arms around you. "I love you, darling… but I'm not sure how much trust I have in these newfound abilities of yours."

You shrugged. "Fair enough. I assume that means you have a ride?"

"Better!" He declared. "I have a friend!"

You stiffened at that. As much as you loved that boy, his personality didn't inspire much confidence in the sort of friends Kol would attract. "What kind of friend exactly?"

"The best kind, of course! The kind that owes me money!" His brows furrowed. "Not to mention six cows, I think… and a pig… four chickens… two horses… his firstborn…"

You blinked. "What kind of person-"

"A gambling addict," Kol answered, completely straight-faced. You were vaguely curious whether he was exaggerating or not. He pointed around the corner. "Here he comes now."

Glancing where he pointed, you squinted in an effort to see past the mists, though your eyesight was still much inferior to his so you heard what was coming before you saw it. 

Hoofbeats pounded against the cobblestone street and you felt the color drain from your face. 

"Kol?"

"Yes, darling?" He hummed. There was a certain smugness to his tone.

"Please tell me that's not -"

"Oh, but it is."

You caught sight of the glowing eyes first. They pierced the mist, followed by the massive black bodies that housed them. Horses as black as the night drew behind them an ominous black coach, driven by a driver you knew could only have been stark raving mad. The whip in his hand cracked, driving the horses to scream as they rounded the bend at breakneck speed. Two of the carriage's wheels left the street and you ducked on reflex, convinced that the whole thing would topple but it didn't. The wheels slammed back down with a roauctious crash and the driver laughed, throwing his head back as he tugged on the reins and his horses skidded to a dead halt.

Kol gripped your hand and tugged you down the street and you followed reluctantly.

"Francis!" He called as he strolled into the driver's view. "So good to see a friendly face. How've you been, mate?"

The man with the coach pulled a pipe from his mouth and squinted down at the both of you. His face was haggard and both his bone white hair and beard were wildly unkempt, frizzing about his face as though he'd been struck by lightning. Sticking out of his chest, you could see the broken odds and ends of ribs - a sight which would have heavily encouraged your gag reflex if only you were capable of gagging. You just shuddered instead.

"Bless my soul…" The man remarked quietly. "It really is you. I'd heard rumors but I never believed 'em. You know, I told em', I says: 'the ole' bat's too clever to wind up 'ere!' Guess I was wrong!" Francis threw his head back and laughed obnoxiously. His teeth were rotted and black. 

"Indeed," Kol said with a tight smile. "Well, I don't intend to be here much longer. That being said, how fast can you take me and my companion to New Orleans?"

The grimy man snorted. "Eh, ten minutes or so. Why? Who's the bint?" 

Kol glared at him. "She's not someone you will continue insulting, Francis," He ground out between clenched teeth. His arm wrapped around your waist tightly. "She's mine, that's all you need to know. If anyone asks around, you'll tell them you have no idea where we went. Savvy?"

"As yeh say, me'lord." Francis shrugged, jabbing his thumb at the coach. "Climb on back, the ride's here for you's is free… damn your good cardsmanship."

"A pleasure doing business with you, Franny." Your ghost said with a smirk. He turned to you. "Well, you heard the man, climb on up."

"I'm not getting in that thing,* You stated firmly. 

"Come now, darling. It's perfectly safe!'

You raised a brow. "Kol, in case you forgot, I died in a car crash. I'm not about to die twice because I let this mad-man drive me anywhere!"

Kol waved a hand. "Oh please! Francis has been driving a cab since…" He paused, turning back to the driver. "Help me out here, mate."

"Fifteen sixty three," The man answered gruffly. 

"Since fifteen sixty three!" He parroted, throwing the door to the carriage open and climbing in. "Besides, it's impossible for anyone to die here. You'll be fine." He offered you his hand. You eyed it for a moment before making a really stupid decision.

"I'm going to regret this," You muttered as you took his hand and let him pull you inside. The seats of the coach were upholstered with fine red leather and a lanturn hung from the roof. Your ghost shut the door behind you as you sat in the seat across from him, fidgeting worriedly. 

"Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and if you feel the urge to scream…” The driver up front cracked his whip and a lazy grin pulled at Kol's lips, “- try really hard not to.”

You swallowed thickly and he just chuckled.

“I got’s tuh’ get outta ter' city before we’s can getta goin’,” Francis shouted back as the horses began to move. The coach shot forward with a jerk and you tried to focus on anything else, your fingernails digging into your knees with your effort to keep from leaping out of that death-trap contraption.

You eyed Kol who sat there, completely relaxed as he watched you with some amusement. His entire appearance was still incredibly upsetting, but if that was the way he had died then there really wasn’t anything that he could do about it. 

“It’s really not my best look, is it?” The boy joked, catching onto your stare. “Sorry about that, love.”

“No, no… It’s fine.”

You couldn’t remember how you had died. All you knew was that a car had collided with your own and you had blacked out. So, what would you look like in this hellscape?

Glancing down at your lap, you inspected your hands. Aside from giving off that same haunting green glow that Kol’s skin did, yours seemed mostly the same. The window next to you was reflective enough to show you what you couldn’t see, but you dreaded looking at it. You knew that you probably should, if only so you could face what had really happened, but that knowledge didn’t make acting on it any easier. Drumming your fingers on your knees, you drew in a breath and turned your head slowly.

“You don’t have to look if you don’t want to.” Kol’s voice was gentle and it made you pause. If you didn’t know better, you would think the boy could read your mind. His hand came to rest comfortingly on your knee. “You don’t have to face this all at once. I know it’s a lot and it’s alright if you want to take it slow.”

“That bad, huh?” You asked, smiling wryly.

He didn’t blink. He didn’t hesitate for a moment.

“I’ve always thought you beautiful, darling,” He said. “But if that were all of you that I valued, then I would have been on my way a long time ago.” 

You smiled. Maybe he really meant that.

The passenger window was rimmed with frost but you could see your reflection clearly enough when you turned your head. The first thing you noticed was your hair. Your naturally H/C hair was now a shocking, pure white. It was whiter than fresh snow and it flowed around your head as if suspended in water - as if frozen in time, mid-impact. Your eyes next were bloodshot. Not just bloodshot, but bleeding. Multiple blood vessels in your eyes had ruptured, rendering the whites nearly scarlet, and some of the blood had spilled over, slipping down your face as crimson tears. Similarly, a trail of blood trickled from the corner of your mouth and nose. You couldn’t taste the blood in your mouth but more seemed to dribble down your chin every time you moved your lips, like a never ending fountain. Your neck was marred with lacerations and broken pieces of glass but what really stood out was the stain on your shirt. Just beneath your rib cage, bloomed an ugly red stain. Your fingers brushed the mark.

“In case you’re curious -” Kol voiced. “- That would be the rather large fragment of shrapnel that embedded itself in your back and severed your spinal cord, ending your life before you could feel it.”

“Oh…” You nodded, voice weak if it was even there at all. “Well, that’s gonna give me nightmares, but uh… okay.” Turning away from your reflection, you took to playing with your hair in an attempt to repress the onslaught of imagery flashing behind your eyes. The carnage of that car accident right before you’d died played through your head on a seemingly endless loop and you buried your face in your hands. Kol’s grip on your knee tightened. He had been right before, when he told you about what it’s like on the Other Side. You could feel the pressure of his fingertips on your knee, but you couldn’t feel anything else. He wasn’t warm, his hands weren’t soft. He was touching you, but it wasn’t fulfilling in any way. You peeked up at him through your fingers.

“It’s okay if you’re not alright,” He said, offering you a small smile. “Heaven knows I wasn’t. If you want to talk about it, you know I’ll always listen.”

You wiped at your eyes and shook your head, clasping your hands in front of you. “It’s okay, Kol. I’ll be fine. Unfortunately, I’ll also be a freaking horror show, but I will be fine!”

His adorable half-smile was exactly what you needed to see at that moment. “Well, if you expect me to lie and say you’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen at this particular moment… I’m not going to.”

You snorted. “Good, because if you did, I wouldn’t believe you.”

“I know. Yet another reason why I love you.” He smirked. “But hey, look on the bright side. You only have to look like this when you’re here and when you scream.”

“When I scream too?” You groaned. “How is that the bright side?”

“Well, Francis here has to look this ugly all the time,” He replied jovially.

Up front, the driver shouted, “Very funny tha' is! We’ve reached speed, ya’ manky migin’ cad!” 

Kol glanced up, straightening. “Is it that time already?” He shrugged and grabbed the overhead handrail, glancing back to shoot you a smirk. “I would hold onto something if I were you.”

“Wait, what?” You asked, confused and just a little worried. 

“Well, we’re about to run through a brick wall.”

“WHAT?” You peered out the window to see the wall of one of your college’s dorms approaching fast. Your eyes flew wide and you gripped the edges of your seat in a white-knuckle grip.

Kol grinned. “Relax, darling! We’ll be fine, just think happy thoughts.”

You screamed instead.

The black horses in front of the carriage didn’t slow. They charged towards the building at full speed and you watched in a mixture of horror and amazement as the street in front of you stretched and contracted. Suddenly, you were inside the building. Your stomach dropped as you watched furniture and doors pass through your body. The mad driver of the phantom coach threw his head back, laughing boisterously and Kol joined in a moment later. The horses picked up more and more speed and your surroundings began to blur until you had left the dormitory behind and the scenery outside became nothing more than a slew of colors rushing past your window. Sickly shades of green and black were all you could see.

Before you had any time to react, the carriage lurched to a halt, throwing you unceremoniously into the ghost-boy’s lap. You groaned and he just chuckled, rubbing your back.

“That was fun, don’t you think?”

You drove your elbow into his gut. “No.”

He just snickered and helped you out, smirking when you purposely stepped on his foot. You knew he couldn’t feel any sort of pain here, but it made you feel better anyway.

“Welcome to N’awlins, me’Lord!” The coach driver wheezed, lighting his pipe anew as you stepped from the carriage.

Kol frowned. “You couldn’t have taken us further in?” This must have been the outskirts of the city's historic portion. You could only guess, however, seeing as the Other Side liked to change.

“An’ risk them crazy VooDoo queens hexin’ my ass?” Francis laughed though it sounded more like a cough. “No thank yeh! Dis bein’ as far as ye go.”

“Very well.” The boy sighed. “Thank you, Francis.”

“Not like I had much’uva choice, ya’ swine-headed git!” The crazy guy snorted and spat, clenching his pipe between his teeth. “Ter’ Misses sends her regards ter' ye’. Oh, an' o' couple of us ole' codgers get together at Buckin'ham fer' some Blackjack n’ Baccarat on Tuesdays if ye’ wan’ teh bring yer newest, er… dalliance along.” 

Kol perked up. “Baccarat? What time?”

Francis grinned, displaying his set of rotted teeth.. “‘Round four. Let’s see ye try ‘ter cheat at that! HA!”

“I never cheated!” The boy insisted. “You’re just an awful gambler, mate.”

“Eh,” The man rolled his eyes with a grumble. “Have fun stormin’ da castle!” He shouted the gruff farewell over his shoulder as he spurred his horses and they started down the next road. 

“TO THE WINCH, WENCH!” Kol bellowed. You scowled at him, and he just grinned, pointing towards the retreating coach. Just before it disappeared into the mists once more, you watched Francis flip him the bird and smirked. The boy nodded, satisfied with the rather unorthodox goodbye. Then he turned to you with a smile. “Come along then, love. Back to the land of the living.”

New Orleans was more beautiful than you expected once you’d crossed back over. The sun shone bright and the streets were alive with music and dancing. It was like something out of a dream except you’d never had a dream with such a high humidity percentage. 

You offered Kol your hand but he turned you down. 

“My brother has eyes and ears all over this city, darling. If you’re seen with me before we can get to Elijah, then things could get ugly rather quickly,” He said. 

“Wait, is this the big, mean hybrid brother or one that controls the Strix?” You asked, glancing around as if you might spot someone tailing you. The idea was highly unlikely, or at least it would have been if your eyes hadn’t met those of a stranger in the crowded streets.

“Actually, it’s both,” He replied. You nodded.

“Uh, huh… and what might a member of the Strix look like, exactly?”

The boy shrugged. “They could look like anyone, really.”

“So like that dude then?” You pointed and Kol followed your finger, catching sight of the stranger who began pushing through the throngs of people towards you. 

“Yep.” He nodded. “Definitely like that one.”

“Run?”

“Run!”

You took off. Weaving in between tourists as fast as you possibly could, though that wasn’t very fast because street traffic was slower than cold tar. The man was gaining on you and there really wasn’t much you could do.

“I’m gonna jump!” You said, glancing towards Kol who stood to your left.

“Jump?” He cried, eyes wide. “In New Orleans? Are you insane?”

“Little bit!”

“The ancestors will catch you!” 

Naturally, you ignored his warning and crossed anyway. The shadows of the French Quarter enveloped you, but the streets were mostly empty now. You kept running, heart racing, legs pumping. Yet you stopped moving. You looked down with a building sense of dread. It was honestly like something out of a cartoon. As your feet pushed you forward, the ground beneath them drew back. Glancing over your shoulder, you caught sight of a hoard of figures shuffling towards you through the mists. Witches could manipulate the other side too. You cried out as the sidewalk wobbled and twisted, throwing you off balance. Kol appeared beside you and wrenched you to your feet. 

“Pick up the pace, love!” He tugged on your arm, pulling you with him as he kept running.

You pointed towards the entrance to a small bar. “Door!”

The boy glanced towards it and nodded. It was a certain dead end and an excellent choke point. Focusing intently, you lunged for the building and ripped yourself away from the Other Side. 

Admittedly, you hadn’t gone that far despite having expended a ridiculous amount of energy. Perhaps it would be best to build your magical endurance slowly, you thought as you nearly toppled to the ground. A searing pain slashed through your side and you gasped, stumbling and throwing yourself over the top of the bar. The place was closed during daylight hours. Hallelujah. The cheerful tinkling of the bells tied to the door jam did not match the intimidating figures of the two men dressed like secret service agents in a low-budget movie who stalked towards you. From the back door, two more approached. You hadn't even realized there was a back door, now you were flanked. How magnificent.

“It appears they have us surrounded,” Your ghost noted. Good thing he was there to state the obvious. 

“Since when were there four of them?” You demanded, glancing worriedly at Kol who just shrugged.

“Beats me.”

Your eyes flicked between the vampire assassins and you swallowed thickly. “Is now a good time to hold hands?”

“No, I think that might just make things worse,” He mused. “Besides, I can’t fight four Strix members at once while holding onto you.”

“Well ain't that fantastic,” You grumbled.

“You could scream?” He suggested.

“I can’t do that on command, Kol!” 

You glanced up as one of the vampires spoke. “Lookit that, boys. She is talking to that raging psychotic, after all.”

You hissed at your mistake. “Crap. Sorry.”

Kol sighed heavily and muttered something that sounded like a string of profanity. You followed his example, spinning in a circle. Keeping a bead on all four guys wasn’t exactly easy when they kept moving. You were panicking. What were they going to do? Were they going to butcher you for your body parts like Kol had said? 

A hand caught your wrist and you didn't think. You just screamed. 

It was as easy as breathing. It just happened. Nothing more to it.

Just in…

Then OUT.

Your scream was once again silent. 

Actually, that’s not quite correct. It was loud. The sound was horrific - an unbearably shrill and positively ear-splitting screech, utterly deafening to all those who could hear it, but such a population would only include vampires and the nearby canine. You heard nothing, but the five vampires surrounding you fell to the ground, clutching their ears. They begged you to stop.

The wail of a banshee was a targeted sound - a frequency designed to hurt, to shake apart whatever enemy you faced. It was instinctual, you realized what you were doing but you weren't sure how you were doing it. You had learned about resonant frequency in your physics class. Every object vibrates on a certain frequency and if something - such as a lapping tide, a stomping foot, or a wave of sound - manages to match that frequency, applying pressure at just the right intervals, the object becomes unstable. It quickly begins to deteriorate, tearing itself apart, disintegrating from the inside out.

Your scream matched itself to the resonant frequency of every object in the building.

Every glass and bottle in the establishment shattered, the wooden shelves they rested on cracked and splintered, raining a curtain of broken glass and slivers onto both you and Kol. He hardly noticed - too busy writhing on the ground, howling bloody murder. 

You hadn't meant to hurt him. You hadn't realized you could. He was a ghost, without a body for you to be able to hurt. It didn't make much sense but if you were a breach between worlds then your cry must have been able to harm spirits too. He’d been standing right next to you. He’d taken the worst of your power. 

With a gasp, you snapped your mouth shut and dropped to your knees. His shoulders shook and he looked up at you with bloodshot eyes, choking, convulsing. 

"No, no, no! Kol, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I-I didn't mean to!" You reached for him.

Something cold and metallic clasped around your wrist and a lock clicked into place.

Kol vanished.

Just like that, he was gone. It felt like your heart stuttered to a stop. Where did he go? Why couldn’t you see him? Was he alright? 

“Kol?” You whispered. A searing pain erupted across your back as someone dragged you along the glass covered floor. Another lock clicked and you scrambled upright only to find yourself handcuffed to a table - one that was bolted to the floor. You looked up, shaking with fear and anger and pain. “What-what did you do?” You asked the man who had cuffed you. His ears were bleeding profusely and he just glared down at you.

One of the other vampires struggled to his feet, coughing up blood. “Aww, where's your boyfriend, princess?” He mocked. Anger flared white-hot in your chest.

You whipped your head to face him, teeth grinding. “What. Did. You. DO?!”

All four of your asailents once again dropped. Their ears bled. Their noses bled. They coughed up crimson and their eyes cried scarlet tears, but you weren’t done. No. No, they deserved this. They were murderers. They had taken Kol from you. What if you never saw him again? You weren’t ready to lose him forever!

So you kept screaming… and screaming… and screaming.

Two of the vampires stopped moving. Blood dribbled from their mouths and they didn't cough or twitch. You shut your mouth and whipped around to face the remaining two. 

“Where is he?!” You demanded. “Where is he? What did you do? Tell me!”

It wasn’t really your fault they didn’t want to talk. If they had really wanted to, then they would have spoken up past the blood filling their lungs. They chose not to.

You took a deep breath and-

Someone punched you in the throat.

Coughing, you glanced up to see a familiar head of black hair. It was choppy since she’d sheared it off during her fight with Kol. Her eyes were calm, yet they held a hint of concern. You weren’t sure why. 

“Y/N, stop it!” She commanded. You couldn’t speak past the shock to your voice box, so you shook your head viciously. It wasn't enough. If they wouldn't give Kol back, then they needed to suffer. She held up a finger to stop you. “No, Y/N! He’s still here and you’re hurting him too!”

That gave you pause, but Chrissy turned away from you, humming to herself as she removed a pair of earplugs. She danced over shattered glasses and splintered tables to the two groaning vampires and stooped down before shoving one hand through each of their chests. Their skins turned ashen and they lay still. 

"Piercing a wooden anything through the heart kills a vampire, FYI," She said, answering your question before you could answer it. "Ripping the heart out entirely works too, but that's kinda nasty so I just wear a couple of wooden rings. Telling you that trick is me giving you permission to borrow it so you might want to jot that down." 

You watched as she grabbed a napkin and used it to wipe the blood off her hands. 

“What are you doing here?” You rasped. 

"Saving your rear end and keeping your moral statutes unbroken in the eyes of your nation," She replied smoothly. You frowned, confused. The girl rolled her eyes. "Isn't there some stupid American law about cruel and unusual punishment?"

"Yeah."

She sighed. "It was a joke, you were supposed to laugh."

You glared at her. “Really? You killed my dad! I'm not gonna laugh at your jokes.”

"I didn't kill your father, dorogoy," She chuckled.

"The corpse I had to clean up says otherwise, along with your attempt to kill me," You hissed, not entirely sure where you were pulling this bravery from. You were just sick of being scared. Sick of losing people because of it. "Too bad you suck at your job."

Chrissy sighed. In one smooth movement, she got up, flipped her hair over her shoulder and then spun. Suddenly, you were staring down the barrel of a glock.

“Y/N, my sweet,” She hummed, a pleasant smile plastered across her young face. “What does it tell you when an assassin can’t kill their intended target?”

You blinked, taking a step back. Christianna pulled the trigger.

A sharp click pierced the air… yet, nothing happened.

The girl smirked, lowering the gun. “It tells you they aren’t really trying."

Her statement left you reeling. “What?”

“Podumay ob etom, solnyshko,” She said. You stared, wide eyed and the girl huffed. “Come on, you’re not stupid! Think it through.”

“Y-you weren’t trying to kill me?” You sputtered in disbelief. 

“I believe I just said that, no?” 

“Well, you could’ve fooled me.”

Chrissy rolled her eyes. “Keep up, girlie. This is me teaching you to fend for yourself. Think: if I wasn’t trying to kill you, and I just killed these two idiots so they couldn’t kidnap you, then what was I doing yesterday?” She asked, posing the question as if to a child. You had been too terrified and distracted yesterday to realize that Chrissy had an accent. It wasn't thick, but it sharpened her words into razorblades. “You’re not gonna survive another day in NOLA if you can’t speed this up.”

You shook your head, just trying to slow your spinning thoughts. “Uh… I dunno, faking my death?”

The girl wet her lips and blinked, nodding slowly. Her expression was one that called you every variant of dim there is to be said. She shrugged. “Actually, I was playing you up so hopefully Aya wouldn’t mess with you for a bit. Unfortunately, she’s insane so that worked about as well as one could expect given this mess.” She kicked one of the corpses with a huff.

You clenched your jaw. “Too bad, can't say I really care. Now, where’s Kol?” You demanded. “You said he’s here. Why can’t I see him?”

“Handcuffs,” She said, pointing. She bent down to inspect the two bodies, looking for something. You directed your eyes to the cuffs on your wrist.

“What about them?”

“They’re magic, duh.”

“Can you get them off?” You asked, trying to maintain your very thin illusion of civility. Chrissy raised a brow, considering you.

“Yeah, sure. Why not?” She wandered over and pinched the locks on either side of the cuffs, snapping the metal as easily as you would a toothpick. “Now, ask our lovely mutual friend how he would have murdered these duraki.”

As soon as you were free, you dashed around the bar and there he was. Kol laid sprawled on the floor, a pool of blood and broken glass surrounding his head. You knelt down by his side. You did this to him.

“Kol?” You called his name quietly. “Kol, are you okay?” He didn’t respond. “Please say you’re okay. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you, I-I just…” You shook your head, blinking back tears. Fighting the urge to touch him was like trying to fight a riptide, but you didn't know if it was safe yet. Someone might be watching. You wanted to touch him more than anything in the world. This was your fault. “Kol, I’m so sorry.”

A pained noise sounded from the back of his throat and your head snapped up. “We’ve got to stop doing this, love,” He groaned. The corners of his lips twitched up and you sighed in relief. 

Just then, Chrissy hopped up onto the bar. “Yo, we don’t have time for yall’s romantic crap, okay? We gots to go!" She jabbed a  thumb over her shoulder. "Now, ask him how he would have killed these dudes.”

Kol shook his head, throwing an arm over his eyes. “I’m not telling her anything,” He stated. You looked up at her again.

“Uh, he’s mad at you.” 

“Good for him.” She smiled sickly sweet. “Kol, you're an overgrown toddler and you need to figure out how to let things go. Now, I am trying to help you and your bonnie-lass, not because I like you, but because I might just be the only member of the Strix who is actually loyal to Elijah. I’ve been his personal eyes and ears on the inside for about three or four hundred years now and discovered a while ago that Aya is planning a coup. She wants to break her sire line and, with the entirety of the Strix behind her - save for yours truly - the absolute hag plans to use you and little miss Danny Phantom over here as some big-ass magic batteries. Elijah doesn’t want you to end up tortured for the next millinea and I don’t want Aya’s supiriority complex to reach critical mass. In other words, I’m on your side, stupid!”

Kol rolled his eyes and did the talking hand thing. You had to bite your tongue to keep from laughing and he sighed.

“How lovely," He said, sitting up and rubbing his temples. "Please tell her these words exactly, darling: My dearest little match girl, I couldn't care less whose side you're on. Whether it was part of a stunt or not, your little grudge nearly cost me the love of my life. So as far as I'm concerned, you can shove all of that where the sun don’t shine. Thank you and good day.”

You didn't fail to notice that he referred to you as the love of his life, however, now probably wasn't the time or place to squeal like a little girl about that so you stored it away for later.

You gaped at him. "I'm not gonna tell her that!"

"Why not?" Both the girl and the ghost asked simultaneously.

"I dunno," You deadpanned, shooting the boy a meaningful look. "Maybe I'd just like to keep as many allies as we can get."

"What? I said please." He shrugged.

You frowned. “He says: My dearest little match girl, I couldn't care less whose side you're on. Whether it was part of a stunt or not, your little grudge nearly cost me the love of my life. So as far as I'm concerned, you can shove all of that where the sun don’t shine. Thank you and good day." You held your hands up as if to surrender. "Again those are his words, not mine!"

Chrissy grimaced. “Okay, first of all? That was below the belt. Second, I do not identify with any folktale based on my death, okay? And finally, what part of that whole spiel did you not understand?”

“The part where Elijah gives a damn about me.”

You repeated his words.

“As hard as it is to believe, he’s your brother, moron. He loves you, and I pity him,” She deadpanned. You weren’t about to relay an argument, so you just touched Kol’s wrist. 

“Really?” His face contorted into a sneer as he glared up at the black haired girl. “Two years I was dead, Christianna. Two bloody years, and Elijah did nothing! If he lacks the capability to call off his dogs, then I want nothing to do with him,” The boy growled. He stood and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, half to keep you protected and half for his own support. You followed his lead as he made for the door.

“I think you missed the part where I’m not asking,” Chrissy called out. 

“I think you missed the part where I don’t care,” He spat over his shoulder.

“I already beat you once,” The girl warned. “Do you really think you’ll stand a chance now? When you’re not doped up on banshee blood?” Kol stopped at the door and Chrissy continued. “I’ve been watching you two for a long time and - I gotta say, psycho - you really almost impressed me. I’ve never seen you hold a con this long. Death must do wonders for one’s patience because damn! It’s almost endearing that you’re too scared to take another bite of her… Too scared to lose it - lose control, lose your one chance, lose your mind - if you do…” She slowly crept around the room to stand about five feet to your right. Your whole body tensed as you heard the soft click of a switchblade. “Wanna see if I can make you?”

 Kol pushed you behind him, facing the girl with the knife. 

“Don’t you dare,” He threatened slowly.  

She gasped mockingly. “Oh, oh! How ‘bout a game? Let’s make it a game!” She laughed. “That’s what you always said to me, isn’t it? Let’s make it a game, Chrissy. They won’t mind, it’s just a game, Chrissy… Oh, and what about my personal favorite? If you just do this one thing for me, you’ll never be cold again, Chrissy - I promise.” Her impression of his voice was disturbing, mostly because of just how chillingly twisted it sounded coming out of her mouth. Those must have been the words he’d used. “Funny, cuz the most depressing folk-tale ever was based off of me and how I froze to death right where you left me.”

Faster than you could blink, she dashed forward and broke both of Kol’s arms, pulling you to the other side of the room where she held a knife to your neck, ready to draw blood. 

“No! NO! Don’t do it!” He shouted. Yet she couldn’t hear him. She nudged your knee.

“What’s he saying?”

“He’s saying don’t kill me,” You whispered, trying your best not to breathe and accidentally cut yourself on the knife. Chrissy smirked.

“Gimme one good reason,” The girl hissed. “You know what I want.”

“I’m sorry.” He blurted the words out immediately and surprised as you were, you relayed them as fast as you could. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. It was cruel and-”

“Ah, ah, ah!” She cut both of you off. Staring at the ground rather than in his direction. “Say it like you mean it, darling. Beg me not to make you kill her. She may come back, but you know she’ll never forgive you.”

You could hear his teeth grinding. But he did it. 

Kol knelt down, on his knees and he begged for your life.

“I used you, Christianna, and I’m sorry.” You relayed his words. “I’ve never regretted anything more in my existence and that’s the truth. You were innocent - a child - and I hurt you. For that one deed alone, I know I’m doomed to hell.” His breath shook and you could see the tears welling in his eye as he watched you. This is what he’d meant. He’d promised that he would one day prove just how much he loved you. This was it. You nodded to show him that you understood. The boy continued. “But mine is not the fate prepared for you, so just let the girl go, alright? You’re better than me, you always have been. Just let her go.”

You finished his message and awaited her response with baited breath.

Chrissy laughed. 

“Well, you’re wrong about one thing,” She said. “I’m not better than you, Kol. I am what you made me… Well, you and Rebekah, that is.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and waited to die. Again. Yet, once again, you didn’t.

“That's quite enough, Christianna. Thank you.” 

This voice was different. It wasn't like the assassin's - frigidly playful whilst bordering on unhinged. No, it was collected, polished, and polite; yet it held a distinctly dark and rather deadly edge. Not unlike the blade of a sword.

Across the room from you, Kol's entire body froze. He met your eyes and nodded - a gesture that filled you with dread. He knew that voice.

Chrissy huffed, dropping the knife from your throat. "Buzzkill," She muttered.

From the shadows that sheltered the door at the back of the bar, emerged a tall, dark haired man dressed to the nines. Instantly, you knew this had to be Elijah. The brotherly resemblance gave it away. Though, you had to admit, having the foreknowledge that Elijah was older, you had expected him to be the taller one. Rather, Kol was the tallest by a solid few inches.

"As I recall, I asked you to bring this young lady to me unharmed," Elijah reprimanded, leveling the bounty hunter with a withering stare as he strode across the room as though he owned it. 

"I wasn't gonna do anything," She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "What, you think I actually want and/or need your baby brother's validation? Come on! I just love making him squirm… Even if I can’t actually see it." Chrissy shrugged. “It’s a lot more entertaining when I can see it, but oh well!”

"You promised me you would put aside your personal grudges, Christianna," Elijah said, straightening his cufflinks in what Kol had informed you was a deliberate act to appear bored.

"And I did," The girl snorted. "Hence why she's not bleeding. If you failed to specify by what means, then that’s your problem; but you said to keep them here and keep them here I did. You’re welcome!” She smirked and hopped up onto a table to start cleaning her fingernails with a knife.

Elijah sighed and shook his head with a long-suffering expression before turning towards you. "My apologies on behalf of my associate, she can be a bit… enthusiastic."

You rubbed at your throat, nodding. "Yeah, I got that."

He offered you a smile that was nothing more than polite. "I see. Now, not to be rude, but I am in just a slight rush. Might I ask to speak with my brother?" 

You flicked your eyes to Kol. He stood slowly and backed away from his older brother, glaring daggers. You pursed your lips. "Sorry, uh… sir. But I don't know if he wants to talk to you."

“I see.” The man nodded and opted to address the air. "Kol, I'm afraid this matter cannot wait as it is one of utmost importance concerning our family."

Kol huffed a laugh but there was nothing happy in it. "Our family? That's rich. What do you want this time, eh?" He said. “Do you and Nik want to use the both of us as the perfect magic battery as well?"

"Our family?" You repeated. "That's rich. What do you want this time, eh? Do you and Nik want to use the both of us as the perfect magic battery as well?"

Elijah’s brow furrowed as he inspected you. Then he seemed to figure it out. His eyes swept across the room, almost anxiously, as though part of him expected Kol’s rage to allow him to manifest from the woodwork. 

"It really is you, isn't it?" He chuckled, the beginnings of a smile pulling at his lips. "You know, for a while, there was a part of myself that just couldn't quite bring itself to believe it."

Kol pressed his lips together. Then, slowly, he crossed the room and held his hand out for you to take. You tangled your fingers together and Elijah drew in a sharp gasp, struggling to believe his eyes.

"It's me," Kol said.

Elijah grinned. "Hello, brother."

“Hello, Elijah,” He huffed. The ghost’s lips twisted into a sneer. “Well, that was interesting. Goodbye, Elijah.”

“Daaaaaaang! Death made you salty!” Chrissy cackled from her perch. You glanced back at her and she winked. You couldn’t say you didn’t agree, but you kept that to yourself as Kol tugged you towards the door.

“Kol, wait.”

“No.”

“I said wait!”

“OR WHAT?!” The boy roared, whipping around with a snarl. “What are you going to do? Dagger me? Sorry to say, but you’re a little too late.”

His older brother sighed. “Both our mother and one of the most dangerous and cunning beings alive seek your power and that of this woman. I seek only to ensure your safety - to keep you from eternal torture. Kol…” He opened his arms in an inviting gesture. “Can we not simply talk? Will you not let me help you?”

“No.” He smirked tightly. “No, I won’t.”

“Why?” Elijah pointed. “Is it because of her?”

“Man, I just love being talked about like I’m not here,” You muttered under your breath. 

“Join the club, korovka.” Chrissy grinned lazily. “They do that a lot.” You snorted and turned your attention back to the pair of brothers.

Kol drew in a sharp breath. “No, it’s not because of Y/N. It’s because of you.”

“I assure you brother, whatever I have done, you have my word that I will do my best to fix it.”

“You can’t fix it!” He yelled. “You don’t even care to! You don’t care about me! Now, if you can’t call off your dogs, then I want nothing to do with you.” They stared one another down for a moment. “Have a nice life.”

“Kol, you are my brother-”

The boy cut him off with a harsh, biting laugh. "No, I’m not! I never have been and I see that now. I have never been a part of Always and Forever, Elijah. Admit it!”

“That is simply not true.” 

“Isn’t it?” He hissed, stalking closer. “You’re a liar, brother. If I was truly part of your little pact, then I would have been there when it was made. But I wasn’t! If I were truly a part of Always and Forever then you, Nik, and Bekah would have decimated the town where I was murdered. But you didn’t!” Kol cried. “You didn’t mourn me! You didn’t avenge me! You did nothing!” How many months had he spent doing this? Yelling and screaming and pleading to be remembered, even though his siblings couldn’t see or hear him? You placed a hand on his arm in an attempt to comfort him. Kol covered it with his own, calming just a bit. “Then what? I come here, and I learn that you knew where I was all along? You could have talked to me - even just once, just to say that you were looking into a way to get me back - but you didn’t. You chose not to. You chose to abandon me.”

“I know,” Elijah said. “And for that I am sorry. There were other matters that demanded my attention, but I did not forsake you as you are so keen to believe. As soon as my contacts alerted me to the creation of a banshee, I immediately sent Christianna to seek this young woman out.” He gestured to you. “I had hoped that, when her powers grew sufficient enough, Christianna might be able to convince Miss. Y/N to resurrect you; however, when I was informed that such a deed was not within her power, I left Miss. Galkin to watch over the both of you while I sought out a more feasible method to bring you back.”

“Good for you.” He shook his head. “You’re too late.”

“I ask nothing of you,” Elijah reasoned. “I only want to help.”

“Well sure, you say that now but every time, it’s the same thing. You or Nik or Bekah, you want a favor so you make all these promises. You promise to be better - to be more tolerant, to listen - then I agree and I do whatever it is and then you turn your back on me! It happens every time. Every single time, Elijah. I hold up my end and you break your word. Every time, I fall for the same old act! Well, not anymore! So, why don’t you just go ahead and do what you do best,” Kol spat. “Leave me alone Always and Forever because I will listen to these platitudes no longer. I don’t want to see you and I don’t want to talk to you! Hell, I don’t want to think about you or about Niklaus or even about Rebekah ever again!”

“Well, that’s too damn bad!” A feminine voice joined the conversation from behind you. The ghost beside you stilled. Then he sighed, hanging his head. He didn’t glance behind him.

“Hey there, Bex,” He said dryly. You peeked over your shoulder to see a gorgeous blonde standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. Weren’t Kol and his siblings supposed to be one thousand years old? Because science dictates it should be impossible for all of them to be this insanely beautiful. How was that fair?

“Oh, no you don’t, you minging, gormless, narcissistic, smooth-talking, mouth-breathing wanker!” The girl - Rebekah - stomped around the two of you to stand right in front of Kol. In heels, she stood almost level with his chin so naturally he made a point of looking down at her while she shoved an accusatory finger at his chest. “You don’t get to push me away, Kol! Not when I’ve only just gotten you back!” She threw her arms around him, burying her face in his jacket with all the enthusiasm of a younger sister who absolutely adored her partner in crime. 

Kol rolled his eyes and returned the hug as much as he could with just one arm. He tried to play at reluctance, but you could tell that he was relieved to see her again. He could claim to hate his little sister, but saying the words would never make them true. “Really?” He sighed, staring blankly at their eldest sibling while he rubbed circles over his sister’s back. “You kept this a secret from her?”

“I didn’t want to get her hopes up for nothing,” He replied with just the suggestion of a smirk.

“I missed you so much, you absolute moron!” Rebekah sniffled, squeezing the poor boy tighter. “You were right about the cure and you were right about Silas, you were right about everything! I should have believed you and I’m sorry! I’m so sorry.” She shook her head and Kol smirked, patting her head. He was enjoying this a little too much. 

“It’s okay, Rebekah,” He said. “I forgive you.”

“Really?” Her head shot up. 

“Yes, little sister.” He chuckled and pressed a sweet kiss to the crown of her head. “ I can never stay mad at you.”

“So you’ll still let me choose the music at your wedding?” 

“Of co-” He blinked. “Wait, when did I say anything about that?”

The blonde grinned. “You didn’t, I was just hoping to slip a commitment in there when you weren’t paying attention.”

“Who said anything about a wedding?” You asked, glancing between them. Rebekah looked up with a mischievous smile that scared you just a little bit. “Also, that insult was the most beautiful I have ever heard.” You added.

“Thank you,” She preened. You sighed a tiny breath of relief but she wasn’t done. “As for the wedding, we’ll have to set a date once we bring my brother back to life for you.”

You felt the color drain from your face. “Say what?”

“Oh, don’t try that.” Rebekah waved a hand. “I’ve seen the pictures.”

“What pictures?” Kol demanded. 

“That would be me.” Towards the back of the room, Chrissy raised her hand and both you and Kol turned to stare at her with varying degrees of what the hell?  “Twas I who took the stalker photos. I am both unashamed and immensely sorrowful.” She announced, smirking like a very satisfied cat.

You blanched. “Wait a second, just how many are we talking?”

“You know how much a free google photos account gets you?”

You nodded. “Uh, huh…”

“Yeah, like three of those.”

“What? How?!” Kol demanded, equally baffled as you.

Chrissy shrugged. “Well, ya see, I’ve got seventy eight some-odd fake Emails and-”

“No, no,” You cut her off. “How did you take that many?”

“I mean, I had a year,” She said, pointing one of her knives at you. “Plus, stalking yall was kinda my full-time job so I didn’t have much else to do besides compile a wedding album.”

Rebekah nodded enthusiastically. “It's adorable.”

“Stalking is not adorable!”

“No, stalking is practical,” She countered. “The pictures are adorable.”

Kol pinched his nose, muttering, “Can I die again please?”

“Ditto,” You agreed.

“Trio!” Chrissy chimed in. You raised a brow and she just shrugged. 

“Why, Elijah?” Kol complained as he rounded on his brother. “Why did you let them do this? How could you?”

The eldest sibling shrugged, lips twitching. “I thought it might be humorous.”

“Really?” 

“Yes.”

“And are you amused?”

“Indubitably.”

“Oh, bloody hell.” 

Rebekah moved in front of you, placing her hands on your shoulders. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I am ecstatic to have another sister!” 

“Another sister?” You and Kol asked in unison, though you were pretty sure the two of you asked for very different reasons. 

Elijah nodded. “Freya has recently reunited with us.”

“She’s annoying,” Chrissy supplied.

Kol sighed. “Of course…”

That was about the moment when you just gave up trying to understand everything that was going on. Your Weirdshit-O-Meter had hit its peak the day before and you were positive it was simply broken.

“You know, hindsight tells me this could have gone over a lot worse but, personally… I’m having a hard time believing it,” You said, shaking your head. “This has got to be the oddest family gathering in history.”

“Second only to the next one which will include our hybrid brother, his hybrid former one night stand and their tribrid daughter!” Rebekah added cheerfully.

“Huh…” You blinked. “Well, that’s neat.”

Tagging: @yn-ymn-yln @r13mar @rootbeerfaygo @iiskittles16ii @fandomrulesall-blog @dark-night-sky-99 @railingsofsorrow @apolloroid @thatweirdoleigh @misswe03 @eat-cake @felinegrate Hey, if you want on or off the tag list for just this series and/or all my other works, just send me a DM to let me know! And if Tumblr won't let me tag you, I'll just send you a friendly DM reminder at your request. Thanks for reading!

[wrathfulmercy]

It was hard to step away. To escape her gaze and ignore the connection from their past that pulled him in so easily when she was close. Elena had been the first glimpse to his past since years. After finding Lori and Shane at the beginning of the fall, he never met anyone from his former life and had become a whole different person. As if the death of his wife and best friend erased his whole character and drew someone new. Someone this new world needed. A much rougher version. A fatal and feral one. One with bloody hands and death along his way. If he really had become the monster he sometimes saw in himself, than it would be wise to stay away from her. Maybe it was also the reason why he couldn’t manage to find a real connection anymore. Maybe Michonne had just been the perfect choice to bear this loneliness cause he didn’t have to worry about keeping her safe. With Elena he did cause he cared too fucking much. Because she meant too much. And it fucking scared him to death.

When they flew back with the helicopter, it was Rick staring against the wall to avoid catching her gaze. He forced himself to keep his hands between his legs, his eyes blank when he dissociated himself away from all the emotions that flooded him. Maybe he was really weak in that moment cause for the first time he had a glimpse of his past again. Something he could lose again. The person he once was but who he couldn’t be anymore. Would Elena even still recognize him under all the darkness that captured his soul?

——

Without a word he had left that day. Trying to shove away the horrors they faced when he took one of the longest showers he had in months. His forehead leaned against the cold tiles as he dug his nails into his inner palm to cover his emotional pain by physical one, desperately waiting for the water to wash away the sins he wanted to keep from her.

When he entered the bar that night, it felt somehow relieving to see so many people already busy with dancing and drinking their worries away. Maybe it would help to distract everyone from them reuniting, cause he knew how much they had to pay a price if anyone found out. Rick had to keep his strong facade. The respectful nods to his colleagues that told each other how great their work had been. For him it had been as awful as ever, like a suicide commando that wasn’t even expecting anyone to come out alive. And would it have mattered if they would have died out there? Probably not for them.

What did matter though was the fact that Elena was really there. She hadn’t been a hallucination, not a distant dream of better times. No, she was really sitting there at the bar with a drink and Rick couldn’t help to smile for the first time without even controlling it. It was her. He didn’t make it up. He didn’t lose his mind. Not yet at least. And she looked gorgeous in that classic outfit he hadn’t seen on people for years before coming here. The way the dimmed lights of this place reflected on her perfect skin reminded him of those sunset nights they enjoyed when they first started dating. The way he admired her face, her smile and how easy it felt to have her just in his arms. He realized how his fingers twitched for a moment, as if his body memory remembered clearly how it felt to reach out for her to touch her. This time he wouldn’t be able to do it and instead he hold himself back as he approached her silently.

As if it was a coincidence he sat down next to her at the bar and ordered a whisky, fingers snapped around the glass as he cleared his throat and waited for her to turn her head to him. Only then he dared to look at her, raising the glass for a silent cheers as if they had been two strangers who just met. Fuck, this felt too much like back in the days. The atmosphere. The scenery. The music in the back. As if they traveled back in time to a better world where everything was still peaceful and wasn’t that absurd? How could they sit here dressed up in clean fine clothes, sharing a drink in a bar when the world outside of these high walls did fall apart years ago? Even the taste of the whisky drowned in his throat was bittersweet and somehow he couldn’t help but scoff about the absurdity of this moment. Was he sure he didn’t lose his mind by now?

For a while he just sat there in silence, trying to process the awkwardness of this moment before the barkeeper James was greeting him firmly since they both had helped each other many times since Rick’s arrival. James was the first to show him around and explain him the unspoken rules after he had spoken to no one and Rick used the advantage of the hidden passages of the bar to escape whenever the noises became too loud in his head or when he wanted to flee from conversations he didn’t want to have. Yes, he might have knocked out some guys for James as well as soon as they started acting up, but tonight that shouldn’t be on his agenda.

He turnt his head, tilted it as he looked at Elena with a smile. “Come.” he said in a low tone that sounded more like a flirt than he intended to, but maybe he just wanted to make sure that it really could look like they just met and wanted some privacy. After getting up he took her hand out of a habit without another word and pulled her after him through the crowd, tightly holding onto it and shielding her from anyone they passed until they reached the secret back exit he knew from the owner he gave a nod before. There was nothing to explain, if she wouldn’t trust or follow him he would know what to think of this, but in this moment he just needed to get out of there to keep them away from noisy glares.

At the back of the venue he walked up the stairs that led to the roof like in a trance and only when he was sure they were alone he let go of her hand, but as if it had been a sign for a bad decision to let go, he noticed steps down the stairs and fell back into fight or flight mode. Immediately he grabbed her wrist to pull her aside, hiding with her around the corner with his hand snapped across her mouth to shush her down and wait for the noises to disappear. In this moment he didn’t realize that it must have been James bringing some trash out, his mind panicked about losing what he just found without even knowing what was left of them. His heart raced within his chest as he looked at her eyes in the darkness, both holding their breath as if they needed to hide for their life while the fluttering of his heart made it so hard to not lose his focus. It took a moment until he realized that he might have overreacted and slowly the worried wrinkles on his face disappeared as he let his hand slide down from her face while his other arm rested against the wall next to her head. Rick couldn’t help but scoff about his own reaction, realizing too late that he left his hand in the crook of her neck as if he wanted to just calm her with his touch before he lifted his gaze with an embarrassed smile and hushed a “hi” as if they were in a fucking arranged set up where he needed to lift the mood after their insecurities had taken over. “Fuck, excuse me for ruining this.“

After a deep breath he managed to push himself back and ran his fingers nervously through his hair before he was able to speak again. “I’m sorry. I just… I mean you know what’s going on here, don’t you? Forgive me for panicking this morning. For panicking again. I just… tell me you understand. Tell me you know why I’m acting like this. Tell me that you see what I see so we can finally reach the questions that really are burning on my tongue cause I need to know. Can you do that?” She had to. His hands were rested on his hips as he spoke, fingers still nervously tapping cause he didn’t know what answer to expect. “Why are you here, Lena?”

It was hard to let go of her again. To release their embrace when her familiar scent and the rhythm she breathed in brought back so many memories. Rick had never dared to think back to her or even considered he would ever see her again, but now as he realized it was real, it came all too sudden to process. It felt like his whole body was trying to keep her close. To melt into her so he could never lose her again and remember a feeling that was so long gone. But the tears that crawled up in his eyes were ones he couldn’t show, too aware of the horror they were still caught in.

Despite the struggle he let go of her. He just had to. What other option did he have after all? He didn’t have a right to keep her when he didn’t even know about her circumstances. About her intentions. Neither did she knew about his and somehow Rick didn’t want the truth to ruin what they just found again. A weak smile brushed over his face as she led his hand away, reassuring him that she was alright as she got up and carried herself like nothing ever happened. With a huff he pushed himself up, trying to sort his thoughts that were so busy running to places he always tried to lock from himself. “I am sorry.” he murmured with concern in his voice as she mentioned she had been alone for so long and for a moment he wondered how long it had been that way for her. Did she even have the chance of finding a community like his or had she been here for too long? And did she agree on what they did here?

It made him scoff when she complimented him, cause he realized how easy it was still for her to unarm him especially when she reached for his face. After all the trauma he had been through since coming here, physical touch was something he avoided and maybe it was a reflex to take her hand not wanting her to look too closely at him and find the darkness he tried to hide. The doubts he had about this place. “I didn’t know that wine becomes a bad thing over time. But guess you found one example now.” Gently he squeezed her palm just for a moment, just reassuring her that he appreciated the effort but was still too hardened to allow any affirmation. “I am afraid my side of the story is none you would want to hear about.” And how should he even complain about any loss to someone who had lost everything so early on? He was lucky enough to find his family again. To find a new one. To build a home. And from what he was hearing from her by now, it didn’t sound like she had anything close to that to his own regret.

After leading her hand down he let go again, walked over to her helmet and cleaned it nervously from the dust without being able to stand her intriguing glare again. Instead he just stared at the surface of the helmet and deep wrinkles of concern spread on his face again. “Listen I… I assume that you came here much earlier than me so you know how this shit goes.” Slowly he dared to raise his chin and walked up to her, her helmet still in his hands and not handing it to her yet cause he was too lost looking at her to remind himself who it was who stood before him. “They are watching every move and I’m more than convinced that people like us with a certain rank aren’t liked to be seen… reconnecting.”

Now he handed her the helmet as if it was a distraction move since he noticed some of their companions were closing in to check on the area. “They have an eye on me in particular, Lena. So if you wanna stay outside of that trouble, I would recommend to keep your distance.” His heart hurt to say it, but Rick knew he would have done it for any familiar face he would have met here. Her protection was more important than his own yearning to find something familiar. “I’m not the good guy anymore. Where I go trouble will follow and I don’t want you to get involved.” Rick had known her for ages but there had been so much time that passed that he could impossibly know her true intentions. Did she like this place? Did she want to stay here? Was she just here to spy against him? Did they know that they already knew each other?

The crm had power and Rick was well aware of that. It would be silly to follow his first instincts to stay around her when he could be the reason she would die. Like so many others because they stayed too close to him. “We shouldn’t talk like we know each other. Unless…” Rick stepped away and grabbed his own helmet from the ground, his back turnt on her so it was easier to speak to her without facing the pain he couldn’t bear to cause again. “…we find a way to speak in private. Do you want that?” His head turnt over his shoulder to look at her, but still keeping his distance cause he knew how it would cause attention. After clearing his throat he put on his helmet again to step close to her, just whispering “meet me at the bar tonight if you wanna talk.” while giving her wrist a gentle squeeze to reassure her his words were true, just like they did in the past when they whispered small secrets to each other on the hallway of college.

[silkylovey]

hey!! could you please do something with mob!tom holland where he and female!reader are best friends and he's in love with her but she doesn't think she feels this way about him,she has a hookup and the situation is very similar to the song "can i be him" by james arthur

a/n: I'm soo grateful that you put a song with it, it helped. I hope it is just like how you wanted x

You walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen You took me back in time to when I was unbroken Now you're all I want

Tom was sitting with his brothers at another gala. A gala where you would be with your new boyfriend. He watched how Matt touched your waist, how your hair was wild and free because you lived by 'yolo'. When he saw you enter in that white dress, he wanted to run to you and hug you for the longest tile ever, but your new boyfriend was holding him back.

And I knew it from the very first moment 'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again

He watched how you sang every word of 'Love you like a love song' to Matt, he saw how Matt laughed and whispered 'i love you more', he saw how you smiled with Matt, a smile he saw when you hung out at his office.

I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me Like it was a private show, I know you never saw me

He watched you from afar, knowing that you didn't even care if he looked, because in your eyes he was just your best friend, but in his eyes, you were the one he wanted to marry.

When the lights come on and I'm on my own Will you be there to sing it again?

He wished that he was the one you were singing those lyrics to, that he was the one you were hugging, touching, kissing.

Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories Can I be him?

He wanted to be Matt, in Matt's position

I heard there was someone but I know he don't deserve you If you were mine I'd never let anyone hurt you, no, no

Every man you brought home, Tom would think that they didn't deserve you, that they would take you away from him. I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips It's all that I've been thinking about 'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again

He wanted to kiss your lips, and laugh with you . He wanted to be the one who would show you what love was.

I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me Like it was a private show, but I know you never saw me When the lights come on and I'm on my own

You loved Tom, you always reminded him that you would always love him. But you only loved him as your best friend and he wanted to change that.

Will you be there to sing it again? Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories?

He wanted to be your lover, your husband, he wanted to be your comfort, your support.

Can I be the one Can I be the one Can I be the one Oh, can I, can I be him?

He wanted to be Matt.

Won't you sing it again? Oh, when you sing it again Can I be him? Oh, sing it again, yeah Oh, when you sing it again Can I be him?

I swear that every word you sang, you wrote 'em for me Like it was a private show, but I know you never saw me When the lights come on and I'm on my own Will you be there, will you be there? Can I be the one you talk about in all your stories Can I be him? Can I be him? Can I be him? Can I be him?

He wanted to be him.

[acid-ixx]

my belief of your love exists after you looked at me (1) inspired by @myuni-moon and so many more content creators who made sagau <3. Tw: religious beliefs, cult-like behavior, this is a short draft that i wanted to share.

(part 2)

They say eyes are the window to your soul.

When worried, one could always look into those orbs, swimming, filled to the brim with emotions that claw deep into abysmal depths. They portray of love, of resentment, of curiosity- those eyes could bestow you fear, paralyze you.

Even allure you as swarms of whispers have gossiped desires, painting a blank slate of a canvas to that of one's fantasy. Fantasies that hid veils upon veils of bloodshed behind vivacious colors.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Love graces you, like rain; it pours and fills, whilst fortunate for those who seek to be refreshed of sins and wrongdoings. The heavy stream slowly overfills the cup of a brain, it strikes you mercilessly, endlessly even, 'til the dam cracks and breaks. You're left with floods of dirt, grime- finally one's true intensions; exposed and stripped to their very being.

Maybe that is why I've loved You since I set my sight upon Your body. I've sold myself to You, to feel a twinge of intimacy once Your eyes lays only upon me. I love You, my Divine God. I shan't dare sully Your honorable name, for you have bestowed me of my will to live.

A god above Gods, the creator of Tevyat, an everlasting life-source. They've existed for thousands of years, the time they took, was the time they spent to create Tevyat, to bless immortality upon the Archons. Your very presence, to say the least, was ephemeral. It united the seven nations. But only those worthy have met you.

Rex lapis praised you, prayed for you, stood near your Divine presence with the utmost loyalty. Kissing the air you breathed as you passed by him. Offering his once frigid heart, now warm upon your sun-like contact, it melted the barriers, he felt those welcoming hands of yours that cared for Liyue, for the nations, for the Archons, the people, for Tevyat overall.

Must he be so lucky?

A God so merciful taught him love, saved him from the thin strings of death every time, as he lived another life with Your grace, as it taunted his mind of sins, drowning him in the embers of hell. But You, You who have saved him, You gave more, and he took. It's only logical to return the favor. His offerings; were they enough to serve you? The nation, Liyue, one he grew with pride; did the people praise you enough as he did to you?

Knelt upon the tiled floor was the Geo Archon, as he prayed near your shine. A shrine he created, purely for you. Hopefully, he wished, you'd be pleased with his presents. Hopefully, he needed, that it's worthy for you, as you allow him to kiss the soles of your feet. Dirt; that was him, as opposed to you. No one could outmatch you, they'd be greeted with death at their doorsteps. Not a measly life, even an Archon's, is important. At least, he knew, even as he's useless once he can't satisfy you- is that he, amongst every Archon, praised you most. He lived the longest, as that to his advantage to praise you the longest. How would one compete?

[oro-e-diamanti]

The one with Ethan’s suggestion

Description | Ethan suggests something that you had never seen coming - but for how long will you be able to resist him?

Content | smut with a bit of fluff

Pairing | Ethan x fem!Reader

Word Count | 3138

Tagging | @ginny-lily @mywritingonlyfans

***

"You did not just ask me that."

Ethan didn't even seem bothered by your shocked reaction. Instead, he simply kept looking at you, waiting, as if he had posed a completely normal question. You were certain it wasn’t though - who the hell just came out and asked one of their best friends to start hooking up? Surely this wasn’t just you thinking this was more than odd. You couldn’t stop looking at him, relaxing on a lounger in the sun, book still open in his hand, and how he didn’t seem to care.

“Oh, come one, Y/n,” Vic interjected from where she was relaxing on a pool float. “Poor Ethan hasn’t been with anyone since the pandemic started. The least you can do is help him get laid.”

“Get laid by me?!”

“Who else?” Victoria laughed. “It’s not like he can go out and pick up someone when we go on a promo tour in a week. We’re barely allowed to meet anyone as a safety measure.”

You shot her a pointed look and Victoria being your friend for the longest got it immediately.

“And no, I’m not gonna hook up with him. So it’s gotta be you.”

You couldn’t believe the conversation you were having. Had everyone simply gone crazy? Surely, Thomas wouldn’t be on their side in this, right? You watched as he lazily strolled towards your loungers, cigarette in hand.

“Thomas!” You shouted over at him. “Ethan wants me to hook up with him!”

“Fucking finally,” Thomas laughed as you stared back in horror. Was everyone in on this madness? “He’s been moping around for ages. About time he gets laid and relaxes.”

“See?” Ethan interjected. “Everyone thinks it’s a good idea.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea!”

“Fine,” Ethan shrugged. You hated how much he didn’t seem to care - how he had posed a question like that without an ounce of awkwardness and how your rejection didn’t seem to faze him in the least. You knew he was open about sex and sexuality, you’d been part of countless conversations among the band and had seen him pick up people at parties more than once, but this unnerved you. "If you change your mind, I'm available."

And with that Ethan went back to his book, Victoria went back to floating around the pool and Thomas went back to smoking his cigarette. But you weren't going to go back to anything, because whether you liked it or not, Ethan's suggestion would continue playing in your head for the unforeseeable future.

***

Three days. It had been three days since that fateful day at the pool and you could barely stand to look at Ethan. It wasn't because you were embarrassed - you all spoke about such things quite openly - nor were you angry at him having asked in the first place - if anything, it was flattering, a man such as Ethan considering you attractive in that way. It was more of a constant thought in your head whenever you were in the same room with him or he talked to you or you looked at him or he so much as popped into your mind. You kept lying awake at night, intrusive thoughts of Ethan towering over you clouding your brain. You didn't know what it was but you knew you didn't like it.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as Victoria approached you, taking a couple of tomatoes you had spread in front of you and started cutting them up. You had been in charge of making dinner most days, with one or the other coming to join you in your cooking endeavors sooner or later. Today it seemed to be Vic, who was giggling away beside you, quite obviously dying to tell you something.

"And what is up with you?" You asked, a smirk on your face. You were happy your friend seemed so giddy and it had you itching to know why.

"I have a date!" Victoria was never one to keep things like these to herself for long - whenever she was positively excited about something, the world simply had to know. "Her name's Paula, she's on holiday here and we're going to go out for wine."

"Just wine?"

"Well, I'm gonna say, don't expect me back here tonight." She couldn't stop herself from smirking and then breaking out in another round of laughter and you joined freely. Good for her.

"I miss dates," you mused. "Or maybe - I don't know. Maybe I just miss at least staying the night with someone."

"You really need to get laid, babe."

"Who needs to get laid?" Damiano had appeared without warning, sneaking up on the two of you and pinching both of your waists teasingly before hopping on the counter next to where you were working. A slice of tomato was stolen and ended up in his mouth before you could react, only hitting him in the arm when it was much too late.

"Y/n," Victoria answered nonchalantly. You stared at her in annoyance but she didn't even catch your eye.

"So does Ethan! You guys should fuck."

"Not you too," you groaned. All of this seemed like a bad joke. In fact, you were starting to wonder if this was all some weird plot your friends had to get you to sleep with Ethan. But why would they?

"Huh?" Damiano sounded surprised but you didn't put it past him to simply put on a good act.

"Ethan asked her to hook up the other day."

"No way!" Damiano exclaimed. "He actually, fina- I mean, he actually asked you that?"

"Yup, and she shot him down," Victoria explained. You were getting more annoyed by the second. Especially because it felt like your love life (or lack thereof?) was being discussed without you. Plus, you couldn't shake the feeling they knew something you didn't.

"Aw, poor Ethan. You know, you should really give him the chance. Make the most of the fact that you've both got the house to yourselves tonight." Damiano's eyebrow wiggle earned him a tomato slice to the face due to pure irritation on your side. He wasn't bothered, quickly shoving it into his mouth and happily munching away on it.

"Wait, what do you mean? Where are you going?"

You sounded much more panicked than necessary. So what if you were alone in the house with Ethan? You'd survive. Easily. You'd read a bit of your book, maybe watch a movie, go to bed. You didn't even have to spend time with him. Right?

"Going out with my girlfriend, she's in town for work. Not sure where Thomas is off to but he's already left" Damiano shrugged, finally hopping off the counter to hopefully stop being in the way. "So, if there's anything you want to do, do it tonight."

***

So this was it. You were alone with Ethan. No, this was nothing. So what if you were alone with him? Not like it was going to change anything at all.

You had said your goodbyes for the night to the two lovebirds, wishing Victoria the most possible fun on her little date, before pouring yourself a glass of wine and retreating to the patio. You had no idea where Ethan was and you didn't mind.

The sun was setting, the temperature was more than bearable and you had your book lying next to you. Eyes closed trying to enjoy the last rays of sunshine, your hand grasped the stem of the wine glass, and fuck that moth scared the living daylights out of you. And caused you to spill your wine all over your blouse. Red wine. Crap. One was supposed to wash those out immediately, right? Right? You realised you had no idea, as you sprinted towards the upstairs bathroom, already unbuttoning for fast removal.

You threw the door open, feet set to move towards the basin, when you realised you weren't alone in the room. It happened in slow motion, as much as you hated the cliché of it all.

Ethan's back was towards you, strong, hard muscles visible under an array of water droplets that were slowly, slowly making their way downwards, hypnotising you and keeping your gaze locked on them. Your eyes were still travelling lower and lower when he noticed your presence, turning around out of reflex, and you could not help but notice he was not wrapped in a towel, nowhere close, when your eyes fell on-

Oh.

Oh.

In a rare moment of clarity, you tore your gaze away, looking up at his face instead, just to find him eyeing up your cleavage. Your blouse was halfway undone, putting your white lace bra on full display. Then his eyes snapped away and looked into yours instead. For a second, it felt like the world was standing still. Your brain only worked for another moment before it decided to let your body - or potentially your heart? - take over.

You told yourself 'fuck it' - or maybe you said it out loud, judging by the sudden smirk appearing on Ethan's face - and reached for the man in front of you. He reciprocated without hesitation, pulling you in and meeting your mouth with his, as he walked you backward until you hit the wall. His body felt hot against yours, providing a stark contrast to the cold tiles pressing into you. His hands cradled your face softly, fingers stroking along your cheeks, while he kissed you, open-mouthed, in a way that left you breathless.

If you had ever had doubts that sex with Ethan would not be worth it, they had evaporated into thin air altogether.

His hands had started roaming your body, finally landing on the last buttons of your blouse. You had expected him to slowly open them up, but instead, he tore the fabric apart in one swift movement, buttons flying and hitting the ground with little clacking noises. You wrecked your mouth from him for a moment, staring at him in both surprise and awe.

"Spiacente," he murmured, although he didn't look all that sorry. "I couldn't help myself. I can get them sewn back-"

"Ethan, stop talking and start fucking me."

Your bold words took both of you by surprise but none of you minded, simply relieved that you were on the same page. His hands were now grasping tightly onto your thighs and, and without giving you a warning, he lifted you up, still pressed against the wall. Your legs wrapped around him instinctively and he took a step back, finding his strength and balance, and slowly carrying you into his bedroom.

You couldn't stop staring at him. Ethan's beauty was a sight to behold on any given day, but the way his lips looked kissed after just a short while and his eyes had that kind of shine to them that had never previously been directed at you, it felt like you were looking at something ethereal. Never mind the fact that you knew he was completely naked, not just the toned chest that was pressing into your torse, but everything else. Hell, you were sure you felt a certain something press into the back of your thigh quite shamelessly.

He dropped you on his bed, leaving you to bounce slightly on the mattress as you lied on your back. He looked like he was about to devour you and you just knew you'd bend to his every wish.

Without any further hesitation, Ethan moved onto the bed, immediately grabbing onto the shorts you were wearing and slowly pulling them down your legs. He held eye contact with you the whole time and you were convinced you had never seen anything sexier in your life. Your panties were the next piece to leave your body. Normally, this would be the point you got nervous about, crossing your legs, hiding behind hands, anything to protect what little of your modesty you had left, but this was different. Ethan took all shame away from you.

"Is this okay?" He asked, as he slowly crawled upwards, spreading your legs and leaving hot, wet kisses along your calves. As much as you appreciated him asking for consent, you almost had to laugh - at this point in time, you had lost all willpower to deny him anything. So, with a blissful smile on your face, you eagerly nodded at him, your hand reaching down and tangling itself into his hair. He groaned as you gave a little tug and the sound was more than enough to get you even wetter than you already were.

At least that was what you thought up until Ethan put his mouth on you. You had been expecting a bit more foreplay, maybe his fingers, but instead you felt his tongue lick along the length of you. Your moan loudly echoed through the room and you had never been so glad that Vic, Thomas and Damiano had deserted the two of you in the house.

Your grasp on his hair tightened as he started flicking your clit with the tip of his tongue. The fact that you could feel his hair tickling the inside of your thighs only seemed to make you more sensitive. Suddenly, one of his fingers entered you, quickly to be joined by a second. Your back arched off the bed in an involuntary reaction as your breathing became more and more laboured. You could hear- hell, you could feel him chuckle against you.

With a sharp tug, you pulled his head away from you.

"I'm not going to be able to take much more, Ethan," you confessed. He looked up at you with wide eyes, chin wet from going down on you and fingers still slowly moving in and out, and you momentarily forgot what you meant to say. "So if you wanna fuck me, I suggest you get a move on."

He didn't need to be told twice. You still sighed in disappointment when he actually removed his fingers from you but you were quickly distracted by him moving them to your mouth and slipping them in. You eagerly sucked on them, twirling your tongue around them, tasting your own arousal, and his composure was slipping with every second he looked at you. He quickly pulled his fingers from your mouth to crawl further up your body, his cock moving against your leg. He was so well endowed it would have almost been frightening if you hadn't been so turned on.

Ethan kissed you with a force that was unparalleled. There wasn't even a question about who was in control. As his fingers trailed from your neck down past your collarbones you both suddenly seemed to remember you were still wearing a bra. You made short work of the piece of fabric, carelessly throwing it across the room, and he thanked you by squeezing your soft flesh in the most delicious way. You repaid the favour by letting your hand wander to his cock and giving him a few strokes. He immediately let out the most sinful moan you had ever heard, head collapsing onto your cleavage.

"I don't think you need any more help from me down there," you giggled.

"With you lying under me like this, I sure don't."

Moving your legs around his waist once more, you slowly guided him into you, your walls swallowing him bit by bit, careful not to stretch you out too fast with his size. It felt like heaven on earth. You both moaned in pleasure as Ethan slowly started moving, making sure you were comfortable as he looked into your eyes, while you broke the eye contact time and time again, too overwhelmed to leave your eyes open every time he thrust into you. You kept grabbing onto what you could, the back of his head, his shoulders, his butt, as he increased his speed, hitting you in all the right places every single time.

You knew you weren't going to last long, not with him on and in and all around you, not with his fingers playing with your nipple, not with his lips clumsily attaching themselves to various places around your neck and shoulders, and as you felt his hand between your legs, softly circling your clit once again, you were gone. You came in waves of euphoria, unashamed of the volume of your moans and the strength with which you pulled on his hair. Your actions, combined with you clenching around him and a few more thrust, had him follow you moments later.

He carefully slipped out of you, never once letting go of you, and turning you onto your side with him so you were facing each other. Both of you were still breathing heavily, vision cloudy, but intertwined. You were convinced he had ruined you - there was no way anyone was ever going to live up to how he made you feel.

"So, did it live up to your expectation?" You couldn't help but giggle as you posed the question. "Getting laid again after such a long time?"

Ethan pushed a damp strand of hair from your face. You hadn't expected such softness.

"It wasn't actually about getting laid, you know."

"Huh?"

"It was about you."

"Okay, you've lost me now," you said, brows knitting as your hand searched for his, finger entangling the same way your legs were doing. "What are you talking about?"

"I... I've liked you for a while. And I tried so much, but you never even noticed."

Your mind replayed the last few weeks you had spent with the band in their summer house. Instances of Ethan bringing you food, cocktails, adjusting the shade to make sure you were in it, offering to put sunscreen on your back. Moments of him searching for your company, moving much closer than necessary in the heat, arms constantly touching when you were sitting next to each other. Jokes and teasing from the others, drunken remarks. You hadn't paid attention to any of it. You wondered how you could have been so blind to a man so wonderful.

"Wait, so instead of asking me out like a normal person, you suggested we hook up?" You couldn't keep the laughter in now. The situation was simply too ridiculous and you had not yet stopped riding on your high from the endorphins he had caused.

"It was Vic's idea." He buried his head into the sheets, but you could still see his cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. "She knew I missed sex and she said you mentioned something similar so she thought this was the way into your..."

"Pants?"

"Heart, actually."

You snuggled closer, arms wrapping around him so that your noses were touching.

"Well, as embarrassing as it is, it somehow worked, didn't it?" You stroked over his head lovingly. "And I'm sure not letting you go any time soon."

[solarisensun]

Delusional Fool (2)

Yandere! Bokuto Koutarou x Reader 

Read Pt 1 here

- Pt 2 is finally here lmao it took me a whole 4 months to finally finish it :0 So sorry for the delay I just suck at writing in general but this piece is over 6k words long (by far one of my longest fics) so I hope it makes up for my shitty update schedule :’) My size kink also really jumped out lmao (it’s there if you squint hard enuf)

Warnings : ‘NSFW’, dub/non-con, breeding kink, yandere themes. (all characters are 18+)

Fukurodani’s ace has a massive crush on you, its a pity you don’t feel the same way.

Pt 1 | Pt 2  | Navigation

Honestly, you feel numb. Dead even.

Even the littlest and most mundane tasks seemed to drain all of your energy.

After the incident, you had cranked the hottest possible setting, stripped yourself bare, and sat under the shower until minutes blended into hours and you lost count of how long you’d let the water batter your skin. Trying to forget everything, trying to melt every single touch off your dirty skin, trying to scrub away the violations branded on your body with scalding hot water until you were raw.

It didn’t work. It’s as if you could still hear his heavy breathing over you, feel his lips on your own, the harsh bite of tiled floor on your red knees.

“Gosh, how did you get so lucky?” A playful shove connects against the back of your shoulder, effectively snapping you out of your thoughts and the surprise of it causes you to stumble forward, nearly falling face-down on the concrete floor before you catch yourself.

“Oh crap sorry.” A hand shoots out to soften the impact but you brush it off and right yourself. The thought of something, anything touching you made you flinch. It’s only when you see the culprit – your best friend that the thundering of your heart slamming against your ribs calms down from its crescendo.

“What do you mean?” You know exactly what she means. It only makes your heart swell with dread. Your relationship with him was no longer a secret. To even call it a relationship would be a stretch.

Your friend steps into view from the side of your locker, a broad grin etched on her bright face and eyes dancing mischievously as she waggles her eyebrows in a mockingly scandalous motion. Normally, the sight of it would have prompted you into a fit of giggles but you aren’t sure if you can even reply.

“We all saw Bokuto walk you to class this morning! How long have you been hiding this from us?”

“Oh,” you force yourself to smile, it’s like your lips are curling on their own. “It’s nothing.”

You slam your locker shut, jiggling the combination number at random and give her another (hopefully) less forceful smile. A part of you longed to tell her. Wanted to tell her that Bokuto Kotarou forced you to suck him off in the locker room after school yesterday, used you to his liking to get his dick wet.

But how would she look at you if she sees that picture of you on your knees and looking like a back-alley whore? What would everyone in the school think of you? The thought leaves a bitter taste in the back of your throat.

“Don’t bullshit me,” she gives you another shove - lighter this time, tone dropping down to a dramatic whisper but the admiration still shines through her words. “ The Bokuto Kotarou? Ace and future Japan athlete?”

You smile again, more of a show of teeth than a smile, fingernails scratching a bitter path down the cool metal of your locker in an attempt to steel your fraying nerves at each hideous lie pouring out her mouth. If only she—everyone knew.

“Gosh,” a dreamy sigh. “He’s sooo hot, have you seen his performance in the recent match? All those delicious muscles, especially those beefy thighs imagine him in bed”

Her words were making you sick. You can feel it, a churning pit of dread that swirls in your stomach.

“Hey!” Just as you are about to open your mouth to answer, a loud voice cuts through the conversation and it’s him. Bounding over with that same obnoxious grin plastered on his face. The hallway seems to narrow down as he approaches, like his mere presence overshadows everything else in his path, and it does. 

He swallows up everything with glee, basks in it even, the twisting heads and excited whispers that arise at the sight of none other than Bokuto Koutaro, they seem to follow him like  second shadow. It was like watching a painting too vivid to be real. From the feverish glint in his golden orbs when you meet his gaze that cuts through the crowd straight to yours, the broad lines of his shoulder rippling upwards underneath the grey uniform when he gives you an enthusiastic wave.

He's so large. Easily towering and cutting through the sea of students with such ease, it helps that everyone does out of their way to congratulate him, exchanging witty remarks and enthusiastic slaps on his back of his excellent performance the other day when Fukurodani trashed the volleyball team in court.

Your heart sinks when you notice that his silent companion - Akaashi isn’t trailing his heels. That meant he was going to drag you away.

It takes everything in you not to flinch when Bokuto drapes a heavy arm across your shoulder and plants an affectionate kiss on the side of your cheek, instead, you hunch over, shoulders curling inwards uncomfortably to minimize any contact. “I missed you,” Bokuto sighs dreamily as his lips graze down your cheek to nuzzle your neck.

You noticed that he likes fighting for your attention, clasps your hand in his, your waist, running his thumb over your knuckles with that sickeningly adoring gaze, or placing himself on literally any little part that he can get his hands on. Like he was claiming a piece of you for himself each time he touches you, taking and taking until there was nothing of you left to offer and you were all in the palm of his hand.

“You saw me last period.” You give him a light push, praying that he would leave. Doesn’t he see you hanging out with your friend? You had spent the entire morning on the walk to school enduring his endless chatter and wandering hands, then breaktime where he bounded over to join you behind school in a (thankfully) secluded spot to have lunch together. 

He just wouldn’t shut up, forcing you to nod along and listen robotically to him prattle on and on about how he couldn’t quite do a neat spike when he was under pressure, how he was failing his tests, how he was so hopelessly in love with you. 

You thought it’d be enough to satisfy his delusion. Perhaps you could even rush back home before he came searching for you.

It’d been impossible to get a glimpse of his phone, your chances of escape had dwindled down to a big fat zero.

Too late.

Your friend averts her eyes politely at the affectionate display. It makes you want to scream and shake her by the shoulders. The scene must have looked utterly romantic to an outsider, who wouldn’t want Bokuto Kotaro fawning over them like a lovesick puppy? It takes several seconds before Bokuto finally gets the hint and draws himself back to full height. His eyes bore into yours for another few moments too long and you give your friend a weak smile.

He doesn’t leave.

You were definitely going to be sick.

Everyone is staring, some with jealousy, others with admiration and a handful of scattered curiosity. Their stares are drilling mental holes into every inch of your skin and there is a pale flutter of panic that uncurls itself in your chest. Do they know? Why are they staring?

You look up into the sea of gazes, searching for a trace of anything odd. And thank god. There’s no visible sight of disgust.  It calms the swell of panic in you. Momentarily.

Until Bokuto starts to guide you in the opposite direction of your friend.

“I’ll see you later okay?” You murmur, not even sure if your friend has heard your words but you definitely catch the sly wink she sends your way. Bokuto is already dragging you away to a more secluded wing of the school, his large palm latched on your upper arm in a solid grasp and you can feel his warmth leaching through the sleeve of your uniform when your smaller strides stumble to match his significantly broader ones. The squeak of your scuffed sneakers against the floor suddenly sounds so damned loud.

“Wait, wait” Your hand flutters up to tap frantically on his bicep. “Bokuto, please wait.” Something in your voice cracks at the last word and he finally slows to a stop, one hand scratching the side of his neck sheepishly at the sight of your flushed face and soft pants. Like he’d finally realise you were no match for his athlete pace.

“Sorry sorry,” he’s mumbling as he caresses the side of your cheek with a small smile, thumb swiping across your bottom lip as he tilts your head to meet his gaze. “I got too excited to see you, couldn't stop thinking of you at practise earlier.”

“Oh,” You aren’t sure if you can reply in coherent sentences. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Every part of him was overwhelming (not in a good way), the only thing you could think of was his phone, your tear stained face and dishevelled appearance. The picture.

“Did you miss me?” Bokuto asks and you nod stiffly. Once again, his face lights up in a childish glow and he catches your hand in his to lift it to his mouth. A soft kiss on your inner wrist, then you feel the blunt force of his teeth grazing your tender skin, each scrape of his teeth has you hissing in pain but it’s impossible to move with his grip and you are simply too afraid to push him off. But as quick as the sting arrives, you feel his cool tongue soothe over the red mark with a simple glide.

You look down to your wrist, the skin already reddening and soon would blossom purple. A mark. His mark.

Bokuto’s eyes are unnaturally dark, dilated as he guides you against the lockers. Your trapped; back pressed against the cool kiss of metal and between his wandering limbs. Your trembling hand is still clutched in his grip and Bokuto gives you another grin before he guides your hand to press your palm against the manhood between his legs.

He’s hard already. The stiff touch of his pants rubs into your palm when Bokuto rocks his hips forward. You let loose a little whimper from the back of your throat at the intruding touch and press yourself further into the lockers, anything to get away from him, to put any semblance of distance between the two of you.

Bokuto laughs breathlessly in your ear. “I need you so badly.” He smells like expensive cologne, probably the type that you would see on TV commercials, it’s sharp and musky, and you wince at how it surges your nose.

Your head was beginning to hurt, like there was something unreal about this. Like reliving a nightmare over and over again.

If only you could wake up from it.

“Why do you smell so good?” He asks, still smiling as he looks down at you. For a brief moment, you are taken away by how good he looks. Angelic even, the soft gleam of his golden eyes and that pure smile casts him like a divine being.  He’s blushing, the redness colouring his cheeks when he looks at you. But the thought immediately withers rotten when he opens his mouth. Bokuto leans down again, trailing a line of soft kisses down your jawline, under your chin, his silver hair tickling your face makes you squirm. “It’s driving me crazy.”

“Not here,” You avoid the question, free hand coming up to push against his unmoving muscled chest. It’s like trying to fight a brick wall, he’s so big, so strong. The sense of helplessness floods your veins, reducing your movements to lowly protests and weak attempts of trying to push him off “People might see.” Your worried gaze darts across the empty hallway when you speak, a minuscule movement that doesn’t escape Bokuto’s sight.

“Let them see.”

You wince at the words, ducking your head down to avoid his gaze and the male feels his heart melt. Maybe you were right, it would be better to have a little privacy. Anything to make his princess feel more comfortable right?

Bokuto sighs, a soft breeze that fans across your heated cheeks. His arms move to wrap more securely around your waist, pulling you even deeper into his embrace whilst he tugs you sideways, past the endless yawn of metal lockers, past the empty classrooms. A dreadful sense of clarity seems to descend over you when he pushes open the boy’s toilet and there is the soft click of the metal latch sliding shut that echoes much, much louder than the slam of the door.

There’s barely a moment to rest before he crashes his lips against yours in a hurried frenzy, like a rising tide that consumes everything in its unforgiving wave. He kisses you like it’s the last twilight on earth, like he intends to steal your last breath away, the same dizzying kiss that has your fingers clawing against his chest to draw him in? To push him away? You’ve kissed plenty of guys before, but this feeling; the sheer intensity behind his lips has your heart beating so erratically that it feels as if it’s about to burst out your chest.

Bokuto’s voice is gruff when he pants against your parted lips, golden eyes taking in your tousled hair from his fingers, pouty lips glossy and swollen. You look so cute. It’s driving him up the walls, he can’t wait, can’t wait to spread you on his fingers, spread you on his cock. Feel you cum over him, his pretty princess. He’s thought of this moment for so long, it’s like his ultimate fairy-tale come true!

“You got me all worked up from just that kiss.” A roll of his hips has his hardness pressing into your thigh. “I love you so much.” You feel his sneaky fingers tracing a path down the spine of your back before reaching underneath your buttoned uniform.

It’s happening. It’s actually happening.

You take a step back. He takes a step forward. There’s that feral intensity lined across every contour of his face. It’s too familiar, too much, too similar to an earlier incident. Cold fear prickles across your skin when his hand rests on your skin.

If he notices the panic flashing in your eyes, Bokuto takes no heed of it. Instead, a hand finds its way through the band of your skirt and you feel the material slither down your legs to pool at your ankles. The coldness of the air against your bare thighs makes you shudder, a stark contrast to the warmth when his large palm grounds into your clothed pussy, pressing a finger against your slit and something in you snaps at the contact.

The resounding crack that fills the room is utterly ear-splitting. By some miracle, the back of your hand connects against the side of his face so hard that Bokuto’s head snaps to the side from the sheer force.

You yank yourself free from his loosened grip and bolt.

The situation is useless, futile. All the odds are stacked against you in this doomed situation right now. You know it, but there is still that treacherous little spark of fearful hope that lights up when the exit looms closer to your erratic scramble. It’s so close, just another few more steps……. You’ll scream, scream once you get past the door. The room is spinning, dimly, you hear Bokuto’s muffled curse and stumbling over the pounding of your heart as your palms slicked up with cold sweat.

There are the loud stomps of his feet thundering closer and you don’t dare to risk a glimpse behind, sluggish feet nearly skidding across the tiled floors when you stumble.

Please, please, please.

You don’t even make it to the door.

A heavy force tackles you to the ground, effectively knocking the wind out of your lungs with a shocked yelp. The next thing you knew, your cheek was pressed against the floor, both arms pinned behind your back as Bokuto’s heavy breathing tickles the back of your neck. His hulking weight traps your flailing legs securely enough that the only thing you can do is tremble in fear at what’s about to come.

“What. Did you think you were doing?” The once adoring lilt in his voice is gone, entirely replaced by a cold steely overtone that made the hot tears you had tried so hard to repress spring up. A hardness presses itself into your back and you sob even further, Bokuto’s grunting cuts through your sobs, the press of his erection digging into your ass, separated only by the flimsy material of your panties each time he ruts his hips forward.

“I was being nice,” He has the audacity to sound wounded, settling into the role of the guiltless victim like second skin. “I give us some privacy and you try to escape? Maybe I should’ve fucked you in the hallways huh? Let everyone see that your mine.” The underlying possessiveness in his words sends chills skittering down your spine.

“I didn’t want to bring this up,” He says in a remorseful voice that sends alarm bells ringing in your head. “Or did you forget about our agreement?”

“Wait,” you trash at the touch, desperation fuels your frenzied movements but he merely presses harder, all hard lines and muscle against your soft curves, imprisoning your body under his, you are no match for him, you never were in the first place. And the realization makes your stomach churn. “Bokuto, please.” Even in your cotton filled ears you sound so pathetic, reduced to nothing a whimpering prey under the predator’s grasp. “I’m sorry, please, please let me go, let me go, let me go.” You can feel the cold touch of your tears against the tiled floor with each convulsing sob that wracks your shuddering body.

You can barely breathe. His immense weight is crushing you to the ground, forcing you to pant painfully for each gasp of precious air through your clamped throat. It hurts, hurts like hell and you can feel yourself going light headed from the lack of oxygen.

“Shh,” you feel the pressure on your head vanish and sweet air rushes back into your lungs when you take greedy gasps but you can’t move, still being pinned down at the wrists as his hand wanders down the hem of your uniform, pushing it up so gently that it only settles in when you feel his calloused fingers stroke across your bare stomach. The hand that you struck him with stings, dimly you are sure that the slap hurt you more than him.

He caresses a long slow line down the side of your body, he’s moving so slowly, so carefully, feeling each little goose bump that arises from his touch. “You feel so good,” Bokuto half whispers, you can hear the marvel in his voice, a little part of you basks in the praise, the way he said it so genuinely, the way a lover would utter those same words.

But he’s not your lover. You don’t love him. You are repulsed.

You can still feel his hardness pressing into the side of your thigh when his middle finger swipes across your clothed slit and you jolt, only to press further into his chest. He’s rubbing you, rubbing your pussy in that stupid methodical way that has your wetness beginning to pool through the material. You can’t seem to stop the little twitch of your hips when Bokuto adds another finger to his touch, its building, the familiar sense of electricity and you let out a broken moan when he pulls your panties to the side and you feel a finger prod gently at your entrance before he slips it in.

“You feel that? Your so wet for me baby.” He coos with a deep, melodical chuckle, pushing his finger further into your wetness. You don’t have to turn around to know that Bokuto has that self-satisfied beam plastered on his face and your face burns, burns with equal parts anger and embarrassment.

Still, you remain silent, refusing to acknowledge the fact that his touches are making you want more, making you arch into his back when he curls his ridiculously long digits against your walls. If only you knew, Bokuto would simply take your silence as a challenge.

This time, the whimper that escapes your mouth is loud when he inserts another finger and it’s uncomfortable – the stretch of his finger feels foreign. Even when more of slickness pours out as he buries them knuckles deep in your gummy walls, the stretch has your fingers scrabbling against the floor at the sensation.

“Bo-Bokuto,” Your keen is loud and shrill, neck straining against his other meaty palm that keeps your head pinned on the floor when he curls his fingers in that spongy spot of you.

The sudden withdrawal of his fingers from your cunt has your head spinning and Bokuto flips you on to your back so you’re facing him. You have to watch him now, watching the way his eyes are gleaming feverishly, watch helplessly when he slides his digits back into your cunt at an excoriatingly slow pace. There is a grim sense of satisfaction when you note the faint red print on the side of his cheek from your slap but otherwise, Bokuto remains totally unaffected by your outburst.

“I’m gonna let you go okay?” He murmurs, “Promise me you won’t run away?” it’s not a question.

You nod.

There is a brief moment of tense silence when he surveys you, running an unreadable gaze over your face and you school yourself into nonchalance (or at least, try to) before the harsh grip on your hands disappears and it takes every nerve in you not to run from him. You nearly cower away when his arm reaches to you again. Every muscle in your body tenses instinctively as you forced yourself to remain still.

Bokuto pulls your panties down your legs, a motion that makes you scrunch your eyes shut in mortification until you feel his finger tap on your chin. “Open up, as much as I love to hear you, can’t have you alerting half the school right?” He chuckles like it’s some kind of funny shared joke and pouts when you don’t as much as crack a smile.

“Come on.” Another round of taps on your clenched jaw. Immediately, you let your mouth fall open at the beginnings of annoyance bleeding into his eyes and your obedient compliance causes the dark look to vanish into his usual shine as quick as it came. It’s scarily unnerving, the way Bokuto seemed to flip his moods so quickly like his emotions are merely a trick of light.

You nearly gag when he shoves your panties in your mouth, you can taste yourself on the cotton material. It makes you want to shrink inwards, how did you get so wet from being tackled to the ground by this monster? Nothing about this was remotely arousing, he’s blackmailing you, forcing you to—

He’s fucking you with his fingers in that pleasurable sensation that was driving you off the edge. With your legs now free, you instinctively close them in a feeble attempt to deter his touches. There is a grunt and a large palm digs into the meat of your legs to pin them to the ground and further apart (he’s a big man after all).

You are helpless, the thought flashes in your mind again. Your kitten like bats against his arm makes Bokuto chuckle affectionately. He would never share the picture to anyone, why should anyone else get the opportunity to see you like this? His little angel, his princess. You probably have no idea how delectable you look right now; so soft….so cute, the crystal tears clinging to your sweeping lashes, the smell of your arousal all over his fingers, you’re so small too, it only ignites a sense of protectiveness rushing in him, he would protect you, keep you away from any harm. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since yesterday, one taste of the rush was all he needed to continue his obsession. All his thoughts seemed to run a single train track back to you.

His silver head bends down as Bokuto buries his mouth at the side of your neck, fingers still working a mindless pace in the hot walls of your pussy, drawing out more of your soft whimpers and there is a giddy rush when your hips begin to buck into his erection.

“Mm, mmph!” He isn’t sure your muffled squeal is from the sudden thrust of his fingers or the way he bites into the neck of your skin. Either way, it only fuels his actions. He had wanted to make you pay for your little stunt earlier. It hurt his feeling y’know! How could you act so recklessly? But Bokuto has always found it impossible to stay mad at you.

The angle is awkward due to his immense height when Bokuto all but yanks open your flimsy shirt and bra but he doesn’t mind the slight soreness in his neck when he bends down further to ogle shamelessly at your exposed chest. The mere sight of your breasts has his pants tightening even further than he thought was possible. Even your tits are so fucking perfect.

He’s got to keep calm, before he loses control. Your cunt is so tight, will you be able to take his waiting cock with the way you are already a whimpering mess at two of his fingers? Probably not. That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t try.

Your nails dig painfully into his arms when his palm grounds against your clit, lashes fluttering at each little movement but he chooses to let it slide. The hand not playing with your cunt rubs circles over your nipples, making them perk up.

“Feels good doesn’t it?” He smiles at the way your chest heaves when he wraps his mouth around your nipples. “Sensitive aren’t you?” Bokuto murmurs against your skin, teeth latching to brand another imprint on your skin before soothing the mark with his tongue.

Your skin looks better when covered in his hickeys. Plus, everyone would know you were his, no more of your friendly desk mate, no more of the way he’d seen the soccer team leer at your legs when you walk home after studying extra hours in the library. 

He can feel your walls tighten when Bokuto curls his fingers experimentally and he bites back a groan. “Fu-fuck princess, feel so good around my fingers. Can’t wait to bury my cock in this pretty pussy.” It’s the tipping point for him, his pelvis rocks forward, longing – dying for any friction on his painfully hard cock.

Bokuto adds a third finger and the cry you let out is barely muffled by the panties. “Don’t know if you can fit more.” He huffs, watching your little cunt being stretched out on his fingers. The sight of it unlocks something utterly primal in him.

He doesn’t realise he’s humping your thigh like a dog in heat until he feels the cotton material of his trousers go damp when his stiff cock twitches with a throb and soft grunts spills from his throat at his sudden climax.

He just creamed his pants like an overeager teenager.

Even so, the onslaught of his fingers doesn’t stop, curling and pressing them just right against the sensitive spot in your cunt that he had memorised earlier until your writhing and crying in soft uh’s underneath him. You’re probably saying something underneath the makeshift gag but he just can’t focus right now. It’s mesmerizing, watching you come undone and you cum, cum so hard that he realised your squirting. Your slick dripping down his fingers and forearm to mingle with his sweat and it’s so fucking hot, he’d only seen this in porn videos but to see you do it? For him?

It only makes his love for you grow stronger.

There is a wet sound when Bokuto slides his fingers out, watching your hole clench desperately around nothing (what a needy little princess) and because he’d always been one to follow his carnal instinct, he laps a curious tongue over his soaked fingers. The taste – your taste makes his eyes roll back. He could probably live in between your legs for the rest of his life, it’s unfair really, how a simple taste has him keening for more.

He's nearly tempted to bury his fingers in you again, just so he could draw out another intoxicating orgasm from your trembling body. But the ache between his legs couldn’t be held back anymore, especially with how he’d been edging himself for ages with the sweet friction of your soft thighs.

With eager fingers, he slides his pants down and its nearly comical at how large your eyes widen when his cock bounces free. His shaft is coated in his own cum, glistening oddly under the lights and Bokuto slides an experienced hand over his cock to pump it in repeated motions. Your reaction is immediate, the fingers once curled around his biceps are now scrabbling free as your little hands rest against his broad chest and push.

“Hey, hey.” Your actions are no match for his reflexes as he catches your wrists in a single hand, holding them tight enough that your movements still down.

You are staring at him, the unshed tears covering your bright eyes in a sheen of gloss. Gingerly, he wipes away the traces of drool that has soaked out of your panties with a careful hand. The last thing he needed was to spook you any further.

“I’ll go slowly,” he promises and your head whips to the side in a clear indication of ‘No!’

Undeterred, he tightens his grip on your thighs - a warning, and you flinch visibly at the pressure. “Relax,” he coos, lining the tip of his throbbing cock against your entrance. You look so tiny, with his cock resting on your stomach. He’d have to work to fit him in. The mere contact sends a jolt through him and he’s gripping your thighs so hard that there are sure to be ten finger shaped prints seared on your smooth skin in a few hours.

“Ah-fuck, princess.” Bokuto nearly chokes on his saliva when the tip slides in. Even after you’d just cum, it’s a ridiculously tight fit. “Relax.”

Gently, well, as gently as possible as he can when his cock is wrapped by your velvety walls and fighting against the rising tide of pleasure, he slides more of his cock in, noting with satisfaction at the way your hands once again find purchase on his arms and your hips ground upwards to relieve the ache.

As he leans forward his cock pushes slowly into your cunt until he’s fully sheathed. God, Bokuto draws his eyebrows together in a pitiful attempt to focus, it was all he could do to stay still for a few moments, let you adjust to his size. Your hot walls were practically sucking him in despite your stuttering gasps that were a clear indication that you hadn’t been ready for the immense stretch of his cock in your body.

His gaze flickers up to peer at your face, your eyes are screwed shut in ecstasy as more of your slick pools out to stain your thighs and he can’t help the proud grin on his face. As much as you had tried to fight him off earlier, you are clearly enjoying this as much as him.

He was right, you had wanted him all along. Maybe even as much as he wanted you.

It set him off, his hips pulling back (met with even more resistance) so he can finally rock forward in steady movements as the last few inches of his cock enters your pussy. It didn’t take long, Bokuto was never a man of self-control anyway, he’s already thrusting forward, slamming his length into the addicting sensation of your cunt clenching around every ridge of his cock. The walls of your cunt fluttered around him and you ground up toward him, begging silently for more pleasurable stimulation. It reduces him down to his core, strips away all of his humane assets until the only thing he could focus was the rhythmic piston of his cock into your pussy so he could feel your body tremble and the way your cavern feels like wet hot heaven. A sin and a blessing in one.

“Good—good girl,” He lets out a dark laugh, lifting your limp legs over his shoulder with ease so he could get a better angle to jackhammer deeper, faster. By now, the lewd mixture of his precum and your wetness practically coated his cock and your slit, making it all too easy for him to shove into you faster and faster, eliciting more of your sweet muffled moans that would have been drawing a lot of unwanted attention if he hadn’t gagged you with your panties at the start. Noisy little baby.

Much to his delight, your arms reached up willingly to wrap around his neck and he leans down to plant a trail of sloppy kisses up your neck, the brush of your nipples against his chest merely adds to the intense haze of pleasure. You are close, he feels it, can feel your walls clamp down like vice on his cock each time he slides out and he growls, one hand detaching from your hip to rub messy circles on your swollen clit.

“Fuck, gonna cum?” He grunts, snapping his hips forcefully against the plush resistance of your walls and the utterly obscene sound of his balls smacking your ass fills the room. You nod desperately, little strangled mewls from your mouth sending thrills into his veins as your hips grounding down to meet his thrusts and fingernails digging sharp indents into the base of his neck. You look so desperate, every inch of your pretty face lined with lust and longing from the way his cock was splitting you open.

He bet no one had made you feel this way before. Reduced you to a drooling needy slut just from the feeling of their cock in your cunt. He would be your first and last.

“Cum for me, cum on my cock huh? This pussy,” Another forceful roll of his thumb on your puffy clit has you writhing and trembling. “It’s mine you get it? Mine.” He huffs out a laugh when you go limp, body shuddering from your own orgasm and the harsh pressure of his cock knocking into your cervix that melds the pain into pleasure.

He takes it as hint to chase his own climax, hiking your legs back up, pressing onto your chest to get a deeper angle as he feels the familiar coil of pleasure unwinding deep in his stomach. The feeling of your smooth bare skin across his own only sends him further into cloud 9, you are so smooth, the contrast against the hard lines of his muscle accentuates the power he wields and Bokuto loves it. You were shivering as he drove relentlessly into you, every inch of your sweaty skin still hyper sensitive from the post-orgasm afterglow.

“Gonna cum inside you, ruin this pussy, fuck-fuck stop tightening like that.” He snarls, missing the sheer panic that crosses your face when he utters those words, too lost on the way your pussy is drawing him in deeper, as if you were holding his cock in you. He needs to come in you, wants to cum so badly it’s driving him insane.  

“You’d look so good as a mummy” Bokuto is rambling in a delirious frenzy, strong torso working to pump his cum in you as he reaches his euphoric climax.

He’s sure he cums so hard that stars explode across his vision, sweat dripping down his brow when his spasming cock spills his hot seed into your cunt. “Fu-fuck, oh, shit, princess that’s right, take it all, take my cum in your pretty pussy huh?” There are a few more jerky thrusts as he pushes his cum in you (not that you were able to take it all because he could see white dripping from your pussy), relishing the way your overstimulated cunt shuddered around his shaft from the force of his jackhammering.

Finally, he slides his now soft cock out of your pussy, watching the string of white from the head of his cock break off to join the milky mess at your thighs. Sheer joy seemed to flood his veins when he saw his cum in your pussy, he could already envision your swollen belly in his mind, how darned cute would your kids be?

Reaching up, he pries your soaked panties out of your mouth. “You came inside me.” Your voice is quiet yet baleful, slightly shaky from the orgasm.

“I did,” he coos, oblivious to the way your stomach drops with despair as he slides your panties back up your legs to keep anymore of his cum from leaking out despite your weak protests. “Gonna have to fuck you more huh? Make sure you take all my cum in your body.” Still recovering from his own high, his breathing is ragged against your skin.

Strong hands skate up your stomach to worship your breasts with his mouth and you whined softly at the feeling of his tongue tracing wet circles around your nipples, fingers tangling into the tufts of his silver hair, you were simply too tired to fight him anymore. “You’d look even prettier with swollen tits you know?”

Just when you’d thought he was done (you were a fool to assume that this was over), there is a soft rustling that forces your bleary eyes open and you catch him fishing his phone out of the back pocket of his trousers.

“Smile baby!”

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Navigation

[bloodxbat]

For a Loki x reader could I request 2 on the angst list where they reconnect after years apart and Loki is shocked to find out that he has a child he never knew about?

This is the cutest, i already had a plan for this before you sent it in💓

Warnings:Angst, Fluff, Mentions of pregnancy

Word Count: 2.6K

Prompt(s) used: 2 ”Were you ever going to tell me?”

Summary: Y/N and Loki have a drunken one night stand, where she ends up Pregnant. Loki doesn’t find out about his son until 5 years later when on a walk in a park

Masterlist

Were you ever going to tell me?

Loki Laufeyson x Fem! Reader

Y/N woke up one morning, looking to her side to see the clock read 6:30 am, she looked down and noticed that she wasn’t wearing any clothes, her eyes widened, the smallest gasp leaving her lips as she grabbed the covers before covering up her chest.

“Oh my God, this did not just happen” she whispered in disbelief.

Y/N reached down blindly to the floor picking up some underwear, before carefully slipping out of the bed, so she doesn’t wake up Loki. She throws on a dressing gown and rushes out of the room, through the halls of Avengers HQ all the way to her own room.

When she got there however, she felt particularly queasy, rushing into the bathroom, before throwing up into the toilet, wiping her mouth, her eyes growing wide with realisation.

“This cannot be happening”

Y/N got up from the cold bathroom floor that she was sitting on, making her way into her bedroom to get dressed. She threw on some joggies and an oversized hoodie before grabbing her purse and walking out of HQ to a pharmacy.

The pharmacy was small, but intimidating to Y/N, especially when she was going in to buy a pregnancy test, to see if she was currently carrying the child of Loki Laufeyson, The God of Mischief, who she merely had a drunken one night stand with. How was she going to explain that to her family?

“Hey mum, dad, so i had a one night stand with the God of Mischief who also tore up most of New York a while back”

They would go batshit, she thought as she approached the checkout with the pregnancy test in hand. The line wasn’t long but it seemed like a lifetime wait for Y/N as her mind wandered into the different scenarios of what may or may not happen depending on the results of the test.

After she had paid, and stuffed the small box away, hiding it in her jacket, she made her way back to HQ. Walking quickly through the halls praying she wouldn’t bump into anyone, she managed to make it safely back to her room without having to make small talk with any of the Avengers and most importantly she never saw Loki.

Once in her room she headed straight to the bathroom, and took the test. Those next few minutes of waiting were the longest minutes of her life, if it turned out positive she thought to herself that she would keep the child, but if it’s negative it would be preferred.

The ringing of her phone timer echoed round the tile walls, indicating that it was time, time to find out if she was carrying Loki’s child. Y/N reached out her shaking hand to the counter which the test was laying on, she slowly grabbed the plastic stick dragging it towards her.

Y/N took three deep breaths before turning the test over, looking at what appeared to be...two lines appearing on the test. That could mean only one thing.

She was pregnant, and Loki was the father.

--------

That positive pregnancy test changed Y/N’s life 5 years ago, and 5 years ago she left everything and everyone she had ever known at Avengers HQ including Loki, the father of her child. There were multiple times that Y/N tried to get a hold of Loki, to tell him about their child, their son, but whenever she tried Loki was always out on a mission or on Asgard. The more years that passed by, Y/N began to give up on reaching out to her baby daddy, as she thought that telling tales about his father to him, would be a lot better emotionally, than having to go through the time and time again disappointment of yet another day he was not able to meet his dad.

Alexander was the happiest and most joyful little boy Y/N could have ever wished for, he had amazing black hair and piercing blue eyes, the double of his father. It had been relatively hard, being a single parent to Alexander, but she managed, she also had her parents to help her out, who were surprisingly understanding when she seeked their help those 5 years ago.

A smile was stuck on Y/N’s face as though it were a tattoo, as she watched her son play around in the park, he was running up and down the ladder to the metal slide which was his favourite. The cute giggles that came from his mouth as he went down the play equipment made her heart whole.

--------

Loki found himself back on Midgard, after a long mission, he was craving some normality again so he had left the Avengers HQ to go on a walk. In typical Loki fashion he was dressed in a fully black suit, his hair pushed behind his ears giving him his traditional Loki look in a more subtle fashion than what the usual Asgardian leather outfit he normally would be wearing.

Loki found the midgardian streets calming in a strange way, it was much different from Asgard, the busy traffic and rushing people, it was a nice change. Loki found himself walking through a park, the light breeze through the air was causing the leaves to rustle, the sound of children laughing and having fun flowed through the air, as he approached what he has now come to recognize as a play park, it was something for Midgardian children to play in and possibly make new friends. This new discovery of a play park made Loki wish that there was something similar on Asgard, as it would have made him feel a bit more normal growing up, he might have actually made friends of his own instead of having to live in Thor’s shadows and make the same friends as his brother through pity.

Loki’s thoughts were interrupted when he spotted someone familiar Y/N L/N he could recognise her from anywhere. He had always taken the biggest interest in her, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and she was smart, funny, as well as very able to take care of herself when on a mission.

He obviously remembered that amazing night they had both shared years ago, but it to Loki’s misfortune resulted in him waking up alone, to find out that Y/N had also left the Avengers completely. Of course they were both drunk, but it didn’t make it hurt any less than it did, but Loki got over it, though some part of him always had the same feelings for her as he did all those years ago.

“Y/N?”

His voice startled her, whipping her head to look at the man.

“Hello, Y/N, it’s been a while” he smiled

“Hi Loki, yeah it has, how have you been?”

“I have been good, how have you been?”

“I’ve been good, and i’m glad to see that you haven’t died on a mission”

“Yes, though there have been a few close calls” he chuckled

“So what brings you here? To the park i mean”

“Oh, well i enjoy Midgardian parks, i am still so fascinated by them, it’s so different to Asgard, i find it calming. What brings you to the park?”

“Well I -” Y/N began but her words were cut off by Alexander calling out for her.

“Mummy, Mummy, can I have some juice please?”

“Of course you can Alex”

She reached into her bag, and pulled out a juice carton and handed it to the small child, who aimlessly tried to put the plastic straw into his mouth.

Loki stared at the child, his eyebrows furrowed, it was as though he was looking at an illusion of his younger self, the child looked so much like him. Loki knew those piercing blue eyes anywhere, after all, he did look at them every morning in the mirror before leaving. But sooner than he would’ve liked, the boy was away, back playing on the slide with strange Midgardian children.

Y/N put the empty juice carton in her bag, sipping it up before facing Loki again, who’s eyes were still tracking the boy which looked eerily like him.

“Loki?”

“That boy-” he started

“Alexander” she corrected

Loki turned to face her, his blue eyes meeting hers.

“Alexander- he, uhm, he looks an awful lot like me…”

Y/N swallowed her now built up nerves. He wasn't supposed to find out like this, or at all by this point.

“Yeah...about that do you remember that one night where we uhm, where we hooked up?”

Loki continued to stare at Y/N looking for answers, as if he were trying to read her mind.

“Yes of course I do, and right after you left without a word”

“Yeah that night, well-” she started to explain again but was cut off

“Is- is that my child?” he asked, pointing to Alexander at the top of the play equipment, having the time of his life.

Y/N who is now feeling more and more guilt by the second, spoke again.

“Y-yes he is”

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I was but-”

“But what Y/N? I have a child and you never told me” Loki’s voice was now rising, some people turned their heads to look at you.

“But you were always away and it got to the point that i didn’t know if you were ever going to come back-alive that is- so i didn’t want to put Alexander through that, not knowing his Father then having hope that he’s going to meet him to find out you had died”

Loki was taken aback by Y/N’s answer, it’s true that there had been times out on missions that he wasn’t sure if he was going to make it back alive or not, but for him to not be in his child’s life for 5 years has blinded his judgement. How dare she run away from him for 5 years and only make very few attempts to tell him about his son, because he wasn’t away for 5 years straight, and what about the 9 months leading up to the birth of his son? He was never away in those 9 months so what was her excuse then?

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant when you found out? Why did you wait until you had to bring him with you to tell me?”

“I didn’t tell you because I was afraid”

“Afraid of what? Me?”

“No Loki don’t be stu-”

“Then what? Have I really given you the impression that I would have been mad if you would've told me all those years ago that you were pregnant with my child? Did you not know or see how much I adore children?”

“Given the attitude you’re giving me right now, yes, I feel like I had every right to think you would be mad if I told you, that you got me pregnant”

“Y/N I can assure you I would’ve supported you no matter what, even if it was just a one night stand, I loved you I would have been over the moon”

Y/N opened her mouth as if to say something, but couldn’t find anything to say. He loved her?

“I’m sorry I got angry with you, but you have to understand...I mean, I have a son that I never knew about”

“You loved me?” Y/N said completely ignoring what Loki had said.

“I still love you Y/N, but right now, this conversation can wait because I would really like to meet my son if that’s permitted”

“Of course yes, let me go get him” Y/N smiled before walking over to the play set, picking up the black haired boy and bringing him over to Loki, setting him on the ground.

Y/N kneeled down so she was eye level with her son...their son.

“Alex, this is your dad, see” she said pointing to Loki who was smiling down at the child.

“Hello Alexander” Loki said, as calm as he could so as not to shed any tears (of joy) in front of loads of midgardians, kneeling down like Y/N to get a good look at his son.

“Daddy?” Alexander looks up at Loki with teary eyes, happy to finally meet his father.

Loki nods his head smiling.

“Yes, it’s great to finally meet you, your mother has been telling me great things about you. I expect you are very well behaved?”

“Oh yes, he is very well behaved, but there is the odd occasion where he takes after his father isn’t that right Alex” Y/N chuckles, tickling the boy causing a laugh to come from his small body. Loki smiles at the sight and sound of his son laughing.

“Do you think your dad could have a hug-oof” Loki is cut off mid-sentence by Alexander, almost tackling him in the tightest hug Loki has ever received. Y/N sneakily pulls out her phone camera and snaps a photo of the scene. Loki’s eyes closed with the biggest smile on his face.

“Now Alexander” Loki started as he regretfully began to pull away from the embrace, “I see that you like the slide, would you like to show me how you work it, you see, I never had a slide when I was your age”

Alexander’s eyes grew with excitement, he quickly took Loki by the hand and began dragging him towards the play set.

“The slide is so good, when you go down it, it’s so fast you feel like you’re in the most fastest car ever” Alexander began to ramble on in his child-like manner, describing just how fun he found the slide, it was adorable to say the least.

Y/N watched on as the two played at the play set, happy that their son finally got to meet his father, and she had no doubt that Loki would be the best father possible to Alexander

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