#those 'alternate reality' versions are too soundtrack-like

[just-muser-thoughts]

'simulation theory' muse could have easily handled the task of making the tron 3 soundtrack i know it i know it i know it in my liver

[only4dagossip]

History is a selective thing. Usually the stories we’re familiar with are the ones we want to believe, or maybe the sad reality is we haven’t been taught any other alternative from the “mainstream” schools of thought.Case in point is the history of music, and specifically, for this analysis, classic and modern rock. As a white person born and raised in Canada, I’ve grown up believing that Janis Joplin wrote all of her biggest hits, as did the Beatles, Elvis Presley and any other big artist from the ’60s and ’70s.

That’s not to say I’m naive to the songwriting process — I know that most songs have multiple collaborators — but what isn’t clear in pop culture history is how many songs were written by Black people and only made “famous” by white artists.In the majority of cases, it turns out most Black songwriters of those eras barely made a dime off of their creative work, while the white musicians found radio airtime, fame, money, and notoriety for generations using the exact same song.

Many Black creators died penniless and nameless, without any credit for the music they brought to the world.Have you ever heard of Big Mama Thornton? Otis Blackwell? Luther Dixon? Richard M. Jones? Lorraine Ellison? Chances are, unless you’re steeped in Black history or Black music knowledge, you haven’t. Thornton wrote Ball n’ Chain, one of Joplin’s hits, and originally recorded Presley’s Hound Dog in 1952, among her many contributions to the genre. She gained some recognition for her Hound Dog performance, but saw very little, if any, profit from it.

The song’s origins as a female empowerment tune disappeared after Presley’s version was released. Blackwell wrote Presley hits All Shook Up, Don’t Be Cruel and Return to Sender, as well as the future Jerry Lee Lewis hit Great Balls of Fire. Dixon composed 16 Candles (which was reinvigorated when the movie of the same name was released in 1984, covered by white trio The Stray Cats on the soundtrack), along with other tunes like Boys and Baby It’s You, both later recorded by the Beatles. Jones and Ellison wrote two other Joplin classics, Trouble in Mind and Try (Just a Little Bit Harder), respectively. (Not to pick on Joplin specifically, but the majority of her tunes were written by Black people, with a few exceptions like the self-penned Down on Me, Move Over and Mercedes Benz.) And this is just a taste. Ideally, the songs would be presented as written with credit for their origins completely transparent, but unfortunately in a lot of cases, the songs were adjusted to be more “palatable” for a white audience.

And worse still, it usually worked — countless songs written by Black folks reached No. 1, purchased and listened to by white folks. It was absolutely a different time, there’s no arguing that. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for a Black musician to be selected by a record company to come in and write some songs, then be given some paltry payment as the agents turned around and gave the song to a white musician.

This was how things worked, for far too long. In modern speak, it’s referred to as “cultural appropriation,” the unacknowledged adoption of customs, practices and ideas of one group of people by members of another and typically more dominant group of people. “Over the years, you see in the 1920s and 1930s, Black music was very underground, very benign, marginalized,” said Lisa Tomlinson, a cultural critic, formerly of York University and now a lecturer/professor at the University of the West Indies. “It was seen as sleazy. In a lot of cases, when this music becomes mainstream, it becomes disassociated from Black experience and Black context. We talk about cultural appropriation… we reduce it to just borrowing, or sampling, another reductionist term. ‘Borrowing’ or ‘sampling’ sound like nice words, because they sound like an equal exchange.

“Big Mama Thornton did not have lawyers. She didn’t have a distribution network that can say to record stores, ‘You’ve gotta pull Elvis’ song, or else we’re not going to service the rest of our catalogue to you.’ She’s left with breadcrumbs,” said Eric Alper, music expert, correspondent and PR manager. While some Black outliers found immense success — B.B. King, Hendrix, Aretha Franklin among them — it was a hard, uphill battle for most, and ultimately, as Alper attests, at that time it’s how music was done.

“It’s really impossible to go back and say, ‘Wow, this person really, truly ripped it off, because you can’t place the context of what happened in 1940 into. “[The Black musicians would] end up broke and poor, especially in the case of the jazz and swing eras,” she said. “There’s a narrative around Black singers like Billie Holiday, it usually revolves around their drug addiction and how it prevented them from going further in their careers and that’s why they died broke. That wasn’t true a lot of the time: sometimes they weren’t paid for songs they’d written that were sung over by white artists. Their narratives were sanitized, which helped disguise the fact she was exploited.” One of Holiday’s biggest hits, Strange Fruit, famously uses the haunting metaphor for lynched and hanged Black people.

The opening verse clearly illustrates the symbolism: Southern trees bear strange fruit/Blood on the leaves and blood at the root/Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze/Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees In what can only be described as a complete disconnect from the meaning of the lyrics — and an outright dismissal of the gravity of the song — in 2005, the song was remixed (by Black electronic artist Tricky) on a club album, The Verve Remixed.

A song that should be untouchable was redone so people could dance along to it at a club. American jazz trombonist, composer and educator Ron Westray, who’s lived the often-harsh reality himself as a Black musician from the south, confirms the insidiousness of the music industry, and says this “whitewashing” is still happening today. “It’s the transfer of the value of the artistry to other individuals,” said Westray. “This is the music industry. It’s not because we’re Black, it’s because the system is white. It’s a question of what knowledge is passed down.

“Listening to rock radio, no matter where I am in the world, the only Black artist I ever really hear is Jimi Hendrix, maybe Lenny Kravitz,” said Taylor. “When you get into modern rock, there are even fewer Black people represented unless Bob Marley gets played at 4/20, which is frankly a little insulting,” he said, referring to April 20th “pot day” celebrations. “It’s just really weird to embrace a stereotype like that and think it’s OK.” Indeed, it’s hard to name mainstream Black rock musicians — try for yourself. Aside from Lenny Kravitz, Darius Rucker of Hootie & the Blowfish, William DuVall of Alice in Chains, Tracy Chapman and Ben Harper, it’s a very white, very male landscape.

There are barely any Black women on rock music stages, and if they are, they’re often relegated behind the scenes. “It was amazing that these classic rock artists were so inspired by this music, but it’s a shame that people don’t know who they are, and it’s a shame that those artists didn’t get what was, in large part, rightfully theirs,” said Taylor. “What they deserved on a monetary level… since we can’t do that now, then perhaps it’s a good and wonderful thing to give credit where credit is due, from a recognition standpoint.” This is not to say that you should stop listening to the classic rock you know and love.

It’s to push forward an understanding of where it came from, its origins, its roots. To truly appreciate something, we need to grasp where it all began. So next time you pop on some tunes, why not look up the original songwriter and develop a whole new appreciation for the birth of the genre? It’s a part of music history many rock fans choose to ignore. So let’s stop ignoring.

damn this was so good to read and so educational thank you💗

i remember a video from the 60s i think where a black singer performed live for the first time and you could see the disappointment and disgust in the audience faces (all white) when he came out to perform and was black

they had it very hard to be successful

[asheanon]

🌑 📖🐌 🌕 I woke up thinking about Fall To The Moon things again... Or rather, some particular Fall To The Moon things, which are actually Anthology of Anon things too! Fall To The Moon has just a bit of a wackier, alternate version of those things, really.

And in thinking about those things, I am also brought back to Blasphemous and its incredible soundtrack. 🖤

* In particular, this song came to mind! Without fail, every time, it makes me think about what is now a chunk of this particular story sequence (or an iteration of it) that is starting to come together a bit through these scribbles/WIPs...

(The song starts here.) *

(The quote goes here.) **

🤔 I know I've shared all of these scribbles and WIPs before, but as they accumulate, I like putting them all together as they really are like pieces to a puzzle! While they weren't all necessarily dedicated to the particular story sequence I have in mind, they are either a parallel or a symbolic representation of this specific sequence. 🎨🧩

This sequence (and things reminiscent to it) are practically a staple to not only my own mind (this sequence has been haunting me for years,) but Sal's (who's also been haunted by it for even more years!) Like, this is the recurring dream she has. The one to rule them all...!

⚠️ Not sure the "read more" will work on a post this long, so just a warning that below are FttM and Anon story spoilers. On the off chance you've managed to avoid them so far and want to continue doing so, just stop here! Haha!

The sequence: Sal finds Vance, knowing what has to be done. He must be dealt with, one way or another.

They take to the sky, their stage being the "Transcendent Moon," as it is called. In a way, they "fall to the moon" here. Vance turns to face her once again, offering this one single line:

** "Let us play this game that nobody wins."

And they fight. A fight that only that "moon" could withstand! Sal never "wins" this fight in the dream. She never "wins" this fight in reality, either. She "falls to the moon" here too, in that sense.

And so, the cycle repeats... And they both continue to "play this game that nobody wins..." 🌌

🐌 By the way, I've never known how this sequence actually ends as it really is just this tragic cycle with no end, to this day.

(Not that I haven't had thoughts on how it could! But none of them are set in stone like the sequence is. Fall To The Moon in particular has a thought, since it's an alternate telling. The original Anthology of Anon version remains at a stalemate, however.)

[littleeyesofpallas]

Not to really waste anyone else's brain space on a headcanon for a 20+ year old b-flick that most people probably only remember for being kind of silly and bad, and having a laughably edgy soundtrack, but...

The One, starring Jet Li, and written and directed by James Wong(probably only really otherwise known for being the writer/director on Final Destination) has these moments that keep making me want to read one particular character as trans? And maybe the worst part of this all is that I'm a good 99% certain that's not what's going on at all, and that if anything both cases are actually just good old fashioned 2000s brand homophobia, but like...

It's a multiverse movies about one guy killing other versions of himself in different universes, and for budget reasons and fun sci-fi shenanigans a bunch of the cast get to play multiple versions of themselves. Carla Gugino primarily plays the character T.K., the hero's wife. But she also briefly appears as the villain's partner who helps him escape the multiverse police.

Of note is that there is a joke where all the various Jet Li characters have "law" in their name in one way or another, and even though the hero is always referred to as "Gabe" and the villain as "Yulaw" for clarity, their names are technically "Gabriel 'Gabe' Law" and "Gabriel Yulaw." And when the villain first confronts T.K., other than just recognizing her as the hero's lover and an alternate version of his own partner, he seems to know to call her "T.K." It sort of suggests that there's some kind of consistency across her different iterations, just like with the main characters'. (there's also a thing where she's a veterinarian in 2/3 worlds, and has like a weird twisted affinity for animals even in the 1/3 where she's evil? so again there's this thing about consistency where for all the differences certain elements kind of persist)

So there's a scene where evil Jet Li is hiding in a body bag and two gross dudes come into the morgue and start talking about porn. One of them makes a remark about "..then why don't you just watch one of those big ass she-male videos, you freak?" which prompts Jet Li's character to burst out of his hiding place and angrily yell "shut up!" which I'm sure is just supposed to read a, "will these two ever stop talking???" sort of moment, but....

...then there's a later point where Jason Statham's character (did I mention he was in this?) is trying to explain the multiverse to good Jet Li, and more importantly to the audience, and he explains that "...in one universe you're married to the same woman, in another you're married to a different woman, in another you're married to a man" and Jet Li's other character snaps at him with just a little disgruntled, "hey!" and like... again, I'm sure in reality was just a, "i resent being accused of gay!" sort of thing --very 90s/00s schoolyard brand homophobic sentiment.

But like... Putting those two scenes together my brain kind of wants to read it as evil Jet Li being offended at the transphobia of the one porn guy, and good Jet Li being offended at his trans wife being misgendered? So like, headcanon that T.K. is a trans woman, and also that every version of Jet Li's character loves his trans wife?

I dunno why this matters to me at all. Its not like it would've been particularly meaningful or impactful had she been canonically trans. It's not a great boon to representation or anything. Like, even if I was right and she could be reasonable read as trans, or even if against all odds she had somehow actually been intended to be trans, she gets the girlfriend fridge treatment anyway, so that's still not great. But it just kinda jumped out to me while i had it playing in the background at work that, without initially thinking too hard, I very naturally registered her as trans? And then trying to figure out why I jumped to that conclusion sorta fell down this admittedly pretty shallow rabbit hole for a sec.

Anyway I don't know who I think I'm sharing this with. There is no The One fandom, and there never was...

[thescrapbookingscientist]

Bimonthly Media Roundup

- King's Maker (Webcomic) - I'll talk more about this next time after I finish it, for now I love the concept and character designs and think there's some good ideas here in both visuals and individual scenes, but overall think the execution is pretty flawed in actually displaying court politics and the effect on the people as a whole given how little we see of anyone not directly involved in the rich boy love drama.

- Wicked (Movie) - I gotta admit, I went in with low expectations but this movie really surprised me, it was genuinely very good. I had some issues of course, I think they stopped songs too often, I was hoping to get more school life scenes between Glinda and Elphie, I thought the Boq plot line was underdeveloped, but those didn't really affect my overall enjoyment with how good everything else was. The pacing was surprisingly good even with the long run time, the costuming and set design was fantastic as was the choreography, the chemistry between Glinda and Elphie was amazing and every actor did a great job in their rolls, both from an acting and vocal sense. The Menezel and Chenoweth cameos were admittedly pretty self indulgent but honestly I enjoyed them, it was neat to hear them sing together. Honestly would pay to see it again, hate to encourage the splitting movies into 2 parts trend but maybe that was the right call here to keep the non musical sections interesting. I will remain skeptical of part 2 given it's the lesser of the two soundtracks but I am still very hyped to see these versions perform 'For Good'. Overall a win for musical theater fans.

- Ennead (Webcomic) - Everyone is allowed to have a piece of media that they like but would never recommend to anyone they know and that's Ennead. I adore the setting and art, I like a lot of the characters and their designs, I do actually like the protagonist and the main romance as problematic they are, and I genuinely think the plot is pretty interesting. But man does it have a lot of content that I would not want to try to justify to my peers like geez. Other than just being kinda egregious I'd also criticize the Eastern beauty standards of making the half cast lighter than they should be and being a bit embarrassingly self indulgent at times, but I will still be eagerly awaiting each chapter.

- The Case Study of Vanitas (Anime) - While this had a rough start it get's more interesting the longer it goes, I like most of the central cast as well as the vampire hunters and their dynamics, Vanitas's backstory gives him very poor babygirl energy, Noe just straight up IS babygirl, and I still quite like the designs and aesthetic of the series overall. I still don't think the narrative progression or sense of humour is great but I'm more positive on it overall than not, we'll see how the rest of the series goes.

- EPIC (Musical) - I've been listening to random tracks from this for awhile now and finally decided to listen to the full set list. It's pretty good, a lot of good vocal talents, the songs are mostly catchy with a few standouts, it's got the usual leitmotifs that we all love, and plot wise it's always got interesting stuff happening courtesy of its Odyssey adaptation. I really don't gel with it's themes or have a strong attachment to most of the case, but I'll reserve judgement until the last saga comes out. For now I'll say that most of the songs by gods or monsters go hard and that Morgan Clae's cover of Get in the Water haunts my soul in the best way.

- Arcane (TV) - Will also wait to give final thoughts on this but man the contrast between Jayce and Ekko's alternate reality trips was so funny every time it cut between them. Like I understand it was emotionally devastating for both of them but Ekko is over here living in ideal future dreamland then it cuts to Jayce eating raw meat while crawling around on a cave floor. Insane choice.

- Dandadan (Anime) - Still fun so far, like that each introduced cast member retains the idiot ball of being stupid and silly and that the aliens got a chance to be sympathetic.

- Dungeon Meshi (Manga) - Farcille placed #2 in the top tumblr ships of 2024! Let's go Lesbians!! They deserve that for real.

- Genshin Impact (Video Game) - Okay so Fontaine has by far been my favorite region plot wise, like wow the story is dynamic and unique and interesting with an actual full interconnected story and likable complex characters who have genuine emotional moments with eachother like wow, who knew Genshin could do it? Landscape wise I haven't explored the majority of the region and still have a bunch of side quests to do, but I do like the whole cast and hope to see them in more events. I've had Navia as one of my favorite units for awhile and now that I've seen her story I can say she's one of my favorites in the game, a really good character to watch and play as I love her. I also just got Neuvillette, so excited to use him.

Listening To: EPIC concept album (All of them), Hard Sell and The Well by The Crane Wives, Re:Your Brains by Jonathan Coulton, Stick Season and Feeling Good by Reinaeiry, Red Wine Supernova and HOT TO GO by Chappell Roan, Wicked Soundtrack, Dream Girl Evil by Florence and the Machine, Ruler of my Heart Sua cover from Alien Stage, Dial Drunk cover by Chloe Breez.

[le-souriant]

#MusicMonday Review - June 2024

Five cities, five genres, five themes, five feelings. Give them a listen, with a word from the artists themselves. 🎧

Flesh Machine – F Is For Failing

Can't you see? It's reality Close friends lie, people die so do I

An empty head can't keep up with all that's being said So why do I strive? And what is this no good life?

Let's begin our long journey in Reykjavík, Iceland with an Alternative Synth Rock with a retro vibe that would instantly fit in a John Hughes teenage movie soundtrack about life's coming of age struggles:

"The track originally was a very chill organ instrumental, almost like a church song, then I got inspired by more 80s anthemic songs that inspired it to be more happy/sad sort of track. Feeling like everything is against you but also almost making fun of yourself for thinking that."

Painted Places – Too Idle To See

Procrastination takes its toll Communication heals your soul Exaggeration will be your friend If you're wanting to pretend

No matter where I roam I never want to go home and in the middle of my arc I find it hard to sleep in the dark

We fly now to Stockton-on-Tees, UK, for a Garage Rock track that warns about being too close to comfort... sometimes what you need it's right there for the taking, but you may end up not seeing it:

"It came out of pure boredom on a rainy day. I had nothing to do and was in the mood for recording something but didn't have anything written to record. I downloaded a drum sample, looped it then looped some bass lines over the top and then some guitar riffs. Kept at it all day until it grew into this song. Then we used that demo track as a basis for the band to record this track over the top."

S/J – Never Win (feat. Liv Wallace)

Take me by the hand for a walk on the beach

I whisper through the air how dare you

If only outside would you see me maybe I can be that man

Next stop, Panama City, FL. for an acoustic Alt Country song with a two side love story that's perfect for a duet. Sometimes, you keep waiting for those magic words that may never come... baby you've been my man:

"It is definitely an experience with a certain girl. A love song and story about how it feels to struggle in relationships and never being good enough in your mind for that special person in your life."

Hasse Co – Beautiful Man

the car came drifting picked me up in the cold your star is fading but you're still the most beautiful man i know

and you show up like a dog again easy living you've got everything

From an acoustic sunny beach setting, we now go to Stockholm, Sweden for some Drum & Bass speedy breakbeats that mask the sorrowful sadness of inevitable change:

"The first instrumental version is actually pretty old, from 2017 I think. The lyrics is about dealing with loss, seeing someone again after a long time, knowing things have changed and trying to accept that.

It's a both sad and happy song I guess. And i just like the phrase you're still the most beautiful man i know sounded. :)"

Electric Fence – Black Soul

And now I can feel it through all my flesh and bones Controlling me and trying to enslave me

And I fight against it but I know I cannot win That's why you can't play with forces you can't understand

Last stop... Madrid, Spain, for a track with 100% Rock attitude. The story of a man possessed by an evil spirit in the forest. Yes, he's become a black soul:

"Well we came up with the music first and then built the lyrics around it, so one could say that the music itself inspired the lyrics. It has this mysterious vibe that led to some dark storytelling in the lyrics."

Listen to them and much more on the complete Playlist:

[aliengirl-97]

A Series Of Diary Entries - Part 2

Sometimes I like to float.

The world is too real for me. Everything around me is real, everything inside of me is real. I just want to shut it all down again; I don’t want to deal with it anymore.

Maybe I could float to an alternate reality where some version of myself doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night screaming; some other girl that doesn’t reflexively flinch at noise or panic when she’s about to lose control, the girl I was for years: the it-never-happened-it-never-happened girl.

But that girl isn’t who I am. 

She’s a fantasy. 

A bedtime story I told myself like a child seeking comfort, which in a way I am. But you know that, don’t you, friend? 

At least the it-never-happened-it-never-happened girl made of fantasy could function. At least she wasn’t afraid of the world, even if the world she had created was a lie. This new girl – who is someone else – feels too much pain. 

I sit down in my bed, close my eyes and let myself drift away from my body to a place where none of this hurts anymore. Floating makes sense. I stare at the wall in my bedroom, my heartbeat the soundtrack of my musings. 

I’m trying to remember myself before this happened to me. I’m trying to understand if I was always crazy, was I destined to be broken or if I am merely the byproduct of seeing too much too soon. 

I wish I had known. 

If I had known that seeing too much too soon would do this to me, I would rip my eyes out of their sockets.

Somewhere I know there was once a girl who was filled with light; whose heart was a rhapsody written in the love of those around her, whose smile reached her eyes and her laughter made her feel warm instead of hollow. 

She’s dead.

Is the real me somewhere in between the it-never-happened-it-never-happened girl and someone else? 

Does this have to be a part of me? 

Someday will it be like the fact that I have eyes and ears? That this thing exists in a way similar to my heart and mind do without my choosing. Will it be a quality that is always a part of me – the fact that I lost control – woven into the fabric of my life?

I want to say that I don’t feel like myself, but I don’t even know who myself is. Everything returns to what happened. I don’t feel like anybody. 

I feel like nothing. 

[rpgmgames]

November’s Featured Game: Grimm's Hollow

DEVELOPER(S): ghosthunter ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: Indie RPG, Adventure WARNINGS: Discussions of death, losing a loved one, grief SUMMARY: Grimm’s Hollow is a spooky, freeware RPG where you search the afterlife for your brother. Reap ghosts with your scythe, explore haunted caves, and eat ghostly treats on your journey through death.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *BB: My name's Bruno and I did some of the music along with Nat! I’m super happy to have participated in this game! *NW: I’m Nat Wesley, a.k.a. Natbird! I’m a composer available for hire with a few projects in the works. I’m honored to have had the chance to work on the soundtrack to Grimm’s Hollow! *GH: Hello! I go by ghosthunter online; I started developing RPGs with a friend in school when we found out that we both enjoyed RPG Horror. I enjoy art, webcomics, cartoons and narrative-driven indie games a lot. I bought RM2K3 on sale and started pouring pixel art into it, before learning how to do things like chase scenes, cutscenes, etc. I used to fantasize about making my own game, drawing dungeons and ghosts in the back of my sketchbooks, before I finally started Grimm’s Hollow. Now I’m near the end of high-school, and I’m hoping the best for uni!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *GH: Grimm’s Hollow, originally, wasn’t as ambitious or personal. It was simply just going to be “my first game”, something that I could finally put my doodles and RM2K3 skills to. I wanted a game that a younger me would have enjoyed, back when I first discovered the classic RPGMaker games and replayed them constantly for those endings. That was my initial inspiration. It eventually evolved into an action turn-based RPG that relies on timing, yet it’s mostly narrative-driven. You traverse death in search of your sibling, and try to make an escape. There are unexpected pieces of me that ended up in this game, some of which I’m still noticing even now.

How long have you been working on your project? *GH: Since the summer of June 2018.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *GH: Standstill Girl, OFF by Mortis Ghost, Undertale, Over The Garden Wall, and the animation medium in general.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *GH: Many! Making your first game is such a giant learning curve, that the list of challenges goes on. I would say that the most difficult issue I encountered (and that, in some ways, I am still facing after release) is working around the limitations of the game engine I am using. I wanted to see whether creating an engaging but simple 1-party RPG in RM2K3 (without going completely custom) was feasible, and I experimented with quick time events as part of that. I worked around the engine’s built-in formulae so players could see progress when they upgraded their stats - although the game might display as defence as “10”, in reality the game stores it as 40 since the engine splits defence by 4. Since I did not want to create an RPG which was too complex for my first game, I also scrapped traditional staples such as armour or weapons. There were also issues such as having an appropriate “game over” handling event which wouldn’t shoot you back to the title screen after you lost a battle; getting RM2K3 to play a small cutscene where you faint and respawn somewhere else was tricky. I felt that if the player had to reload after a loss, it would disrupt the game flow.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *GH: Like I mentioned before, the game started off impersonal. I just had a soft spot for a spooky cute aesthetic, and I wanted to indulge in that. It was (and in its essence, still is) meant to be a short story, to keep the player invested for the short game length - nothing grandiose. The original draft did not have Baker play a role in the narrative - he was just an ordinary shopkeeper NPC. For a long time during development, Lavender did not even have a name. In the very first draft, she was a silent protagonist the player could name and customize. But she played a very active role in the final outline, so it was hard not to give her own unique voice when one emerged from the narrative naturally. I am glad I did; she grew on me quite quickly! Grimm was virtually unchanged from beginning to end. The only difference was that a close friend suggested that he seemed like he would be into drinking Oolong tea - so that’s what he offers you when you meet him. Timmy also did not go under massive overhauls like Lavender and Baker did, but his relationship with Lavender became much more fleshed out as I wrote the narrative. In other facets of the game’s design, there were not many changes to the original prototype.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *GH: It was just myself, doing the art, writing, programming, etc. But halfway through creating the second cave, I realised I would need a very specific sound for Grimm’s Hollow. So, I contacted Nat for music, but I also created a post on tumblr calling for a composer since there were many tracks to make. I met Bruno as a result! I am very happy with their work and I am so grateful I’ve got to work with them! (Some players are asking for an OST release, which is in the works).

What is the best part of developing a game? *GH: I really enjoyed the early stages of development: creating new tilesets, sprites and maps and piecing them together in the editor, then taking a small screenshot and sharing it with my friend over summer vacation … It was nice to see the game’s world slowly come together. I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from beginning to end: that sense of world-building, that sense of relaxation from making a small cosy game. The latter started to disappear as work and other responsibilities started to intrude, and pressure began to seep into development time - but I never stopped loving making the world and characters. I also want to say that, by lucky chance, I have met a lot of kind people from making my first game. I’m very grateful for that, so thank you to everyone.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *GH: All the time! Other RPG Maker 2003 projects are great inspirations for pixel art tilesets, as well as how to code harder features such as custom menus. They’re also just fun to play.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *GH: Lavender and Timmy are relatable to me in multiple ways. I can’t elaborate on Timmy since that would go into spoiler territory, but I somewhat relate to Lavender’s insistence on managing her life on her own - sometimes to her own detriment. I’d say the most fun character to write for was Grimm. He can be unintentionally silly while speaking in the most formal way, but also very caring too. Everything he does and says was easy to write, whereas I had to think harder for the interactions between everyone else - especially for very crucial scenes regarding their development. That being said, my favourite is still the game’s central two siblings. I can not pick between them for the life of me.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *GH: I wish I started testing even earlier! Not only does it give you a good sense of what’s missing, but seeing people enjoy what you’ve made yet get hindered by bugs is a very strong incentive to fix your game immediately. When I was lacking motivation or was stuck, I found that good feedback and support made me motivated again. I also wish that I could have pushed the deadline a little further, or perhaps released the game on Early Access since it will take me a while to refine post-release bugs - but as it is, the 31st of October really was the deadline for my game due to external circumstances (no, that deadline wasn’t just because it was Halloween!). Other than that, I wonder if using an updated version of RPG Maker would have produced the same game …? It’s hard to tell, but I hope people enjoy it for what it is - I will be working on that post-release patch soon!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *GH: There are no current plans, but I would be happy to have the opportunity to improve and expand on the game. As it is, the game’s released for free and done as a hobby, so I would struggle to do that by myself.

What do you most look forward to now that you have finished the game? *GH: Earlier on, I was really looking forward to players’ reactions. Games are made to be fun, and I would have felt distraught if my game didn’t achieve what it was set out to do. Yet it was not just about the gameplay; it was about the narrative. I hoped that what I found funny, the player would too; what was heartfelt to me, was heartfelt to the player as well. Like sharing a laugh, or just a good experience together. I hoped they would enjoy the feeling that went into it, despite the struggle of making it against circumstance and limitations. Now, I look forward to resting and sleeping once this over. I want to explore my other interests, improve, and explore new media. I want to relax, and refocus again like I was before the heat of development.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *GH: Bugs! Some are easy to fix, but others are harder due to the limitations of the engine (e.g an error in one ending is caused by an overflow error).

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *GH: Show your game as early as possible, to as many people as possible. As soon as you have something playable, it’s ready for feedback. You’ll see if that game mechanic you spent hours refining works, or if it doesn’t work and why. You’ll understand what players enjoy and what they want more of, but also what they don’t like or don’t enjoy. And you will definitely encounter bugs. You’ll be able to pinpoint and fix minor problems early on that can easily become a larger issue later. You’ll be able to fine-tune your game so its best bits shine, and the difficulty is just right.

Question from last month's featured dev @dead-dreams-dev: Is there anything you’ve added to your game for no other reason than because you’re hoping fans will get a kick out of it? Fanservice, fourth wall breakage, references to other games, jokes, abilities that are just ridiculously overpowered and badass, etc? *GH: It’s hard to say; game design is trying to find the intersection between what’s good for the player, what the developer enjoys, and what’s feasible to implement. Every decision made should be conscious of that … I think a lot of the game’s early light-hearted jokes was not only made because I enjoyed it, but I hoped the player would “get a kick out of it” too. But more so, I think it’s because I would struggle to write a story which is serious and bleak from beginning to end. The game is a little self-indulgent in the narrative that way.

We mods would like to thank ghosthunter & team for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Grimm's Hollow if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[passionate-reply]

Stan Ridgway is best remembered as the guy from Wall of Voodoo, and Wall of Voodoo are best remembered as the guys from “Mexican Radio.” But there’s a whole lot more to Ridgway’s solo career, which began with 1986′s The Big Heat--Americana, epic narratives, and a whole lot of digital synth. (Transcript below the break!)

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, we’ll be looking at an often overlooked solo debut: Stan Ridgway’s The Big Heat, first released in 1986.

Stan Ridgway is best remembered as the original frontman of Wall of Voodoo, and Wall of Voodoo, in turn, are best remembered for the single “Mexican Radio,” a landmark bit of New Wave eclecticism that became an unlikely hit thanks in large part to heavy rotation on MTV. That said, like a lot of ostensible “one-hit wonders,” the span of Ridgway’s artistic career is quite a bit more varied and more interesting than this solitary recording might suggest. While I don’t believe that “Mexican Radio” is simply a novelty song that can easily be dismissed, I will set it aside for the time being, because any attempt to cover the rest of Stan Ridgway’s work is probably better off without worrying about it. Instead, let’s take a look at his first bona fide solo release: the 1983 single, “Don’t Box Me In.”

Music: “Don’t Box Me In”

“Don’t Box Me In” was a collaboration between Ridgway and percussionist Stewart Copeland, then known chiefly for his work with the group The Police. While Copeland is now fairly well known for his work composing scores for cinema and video games, this was one of his first forays into that field: the soundtrack to Francis Ford Coppola’s film adaptation of Rumble Fish. Based on a novel by S. E. Hinton, most famous for The Outsiders, Rumble Fish was actually a tremendous flop for Coppola, perceived to be a bit too avant-garde for its own good, and Copeland’s percussion-led score for the film, experimental in its own right, certainly didn’t help that perception. Despite all of this, “Don’t Box Me In” managed to do fairly well for itself as a single, achieving substantial alternative radio play purely on its own merits. And merits it has, weaving together the experience of a fish trapped in a tiny bowl with a more universalized sense of human ennui, being overlooked and underestimated by everyone around you. Not to be underestimated himself, Ridgway has not only written these evocative lyrics, but delivers them in a manner that shows a complexity beyond his semi-affected Western twang, conveying fragility and uncertainty alongside indignation and determinedness. This is also the version of Stan Ridgway whom we meet when we listen to The Big Heat.

Music: “Camouflage”

Despite being the very last single released from The Big Heat, the eerie war yarn “Camouflage” would go on to be the most successful track from the album, and Ridgway’s best-known hit as a solo artist. Perhaps surprisingly, the single was largely snubbed in the charts of Ridgway’s native USA, becoming a much bigger hit throughout Europe. While playing the harmonica and sporting a bolo tie, Ridgway seems to almost play the character of the quintessential American, and perhaps it’s that quality that’s caused this apparent rift. Is it necessary to analyze his art through the lens of exoticism in order to find it appealing?

It’s a hard question for me to answer, personally--I might be from the US myself, but at the same time, the vast majority of the music I listen to is European, as a natural consequence of being chiefly a devotee of electronic music. There is still a sort of novelty factor I find in Ridgway’s work. I remain in awe of the fact that a musical genius exists who uses a hard R, and says “huh?” instead of “pardon me?” But, of course, I am amazed by this moreso because it makes me feel “represented,” for once, in a musical tradition which is important to me. If people from Britain’s crumbling industrial centers like Sheffield and Manchester have made great electronic music, then surely synthesisers can also tell the stories of the American Rust Belt, where I come from? For that, we’ll have to step away from the sort of typified narrative of “Camouflage,” and take a listen to the album’s title track.

Music: “The Big Heat”

“Camouflage” told us a tale as old as time, in which a benevolent ghost offers one last act of aid to a vulnerable human being. The album’s title track, on the other hand, alludes to a particularly 20th Century form of storytelling: the detective drama and film noir, as hinted at by its allusion to the classic Fritz Lang film of the same title. Ridgway assumes the perspective of the hardboiled detective, hot on the trail of some mysterious quarry, and it is the innocent passers-by he seeks information from who respond with the song’s banal refrain: “Everybody wants another piece of pie today.” For as much as people have mocked Ridgway’s singing style over the years, you’ve got to appreciate his lilting delivery of this line here in the first verse, where it comes from the mouth of a female character.

It’s easy, of course, to see such apparent non sequitur lyrics in Ridgway’s oeuvre as merely ridiculous, as many quickly do with the likes of “Mexican Radio,” but the more you listen to him, the more his style begins to make sense. The instinct to find humour in things is deeply connected to the feeling of being surprised, and encountering the unexpected. Ridgway happens to be all about delivering the unexpected, and it’s precisely the surface-level absurdities and surprises his lyricism offers that make us think more deeply about the stories he tells. The title track of The Big Heat isn’t about pie, but rather the fact that everybody its characters encounter appears to be grasping for more out of life, and hungry for something else. It’s what drives criminals to transgress against the law, and it’s also, perhaps, what drives the detective to devote himself to the pursuit of the abstract principle of “justice.” To both the villain and the hero of this story, the civilians they brush past are little more than means to an end, despite their display of greater wisdom and insight into these issues than anyone else. Ridgway excels at conveying this sort of saintly everymannishness, and does so with similar gusto on the track “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)”.

Music: “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)”

“Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” was actually not released as a single, which is perhaps surprising given its hooky quality and sprightly synth backdrop. While “Camouflage” is assembled chiefly from traditional instruments, with only a subtle intrusion of Yamaha DX-7 to remind you that it came out in 1986, many of the other tracks, like this one and the title track, are willing to double down on electronic influences, and ride the wave of “peak synth-pop” that was easily cresting by the mid-1980s. That aside, the central theme of “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” is the quotidian avariciousness one encounters among ordinary folk, and the psychological effects of living in a “mean world.” While the text mostly revolves around the idea of living in fear, and the paranoia of knowing that “everything changes hands when it hits the ground,” it reaches a climax by showing us an actual situation where this occurs: the pathetic figure of a filthy old man who finds a small bill in the road, and, in a fit of folk superstitiousness, is said to “thank the street.” The song’s tension lives between the bustle of the jealous ones, and the reality of life for those desperate enough to pick up money from the street. Like many of Ridgway’s greatest works, this track simultaneously portrays the mentality of the common man in a direct and serious manner, but also opens up room for it to be criticized. This everyman bystander persona is assumed more directly in the track “Drive, She Said.”

Music: “Drive, She Said”

While the album’s more electronic elements are its main draw, in my eyes, there are still a number of tracks that remain dominated by traditional instruments, “Drive, She Said” being a prime example of them. While narratives are always at the center of Ridgway’s work, “Drive, She Said” moves us away from omniscient narration like that of “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” and back into the mind of a specific and individualized narrator--in this case, a cab driver who somewhat reluctantly transports a bank robber, with whom he might also be falling in love. While it doesn’t have the supernatural implications of “Camouflage,” the two stories do seem to have much in common: an ordinary person meets someone who quickly reveals their extraordinary nature, and despite the brevity of their encounter, the protagonist is deeply affected, and perhaps changed, by the events. Much as “Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)” sees fit to shatter its apparent main premise, with an interlude that shifts the tempo of the music as well as introduces the contrasting figure of the old beggar, “Drive, She Said” introduces an interlude of its own: the driver’s reverie, in which he runs away with his enigmatic passenger. As in many of Ridgway’s tales, we must consider both the beauty of a wonderful dream, and its sheer impossibility.

On the cover of The Big Heat, we see a portrait of Stan Ridgway looking glum, which is not itself terribly unusual for an album cover, though the fact that he’s behind a metal fence certainly is. The main focus of the image seems to be Ridgway’s environment, a bleak industrial setting full of towering machinery, and no other traces of human beings. The absence of other figures in this scene draws attention to the scale of the machines, as well as the fact that in many parts of the US, including my own, it’s very common to see equipment like this that’s fallen into disuse and disrepair. Much as ruined aqueducts and palaces mark the places in Europe where the Roman Empire had once held fast, these sorts of derelict manufacturing facilities are a common sight in America, and serve as reminders of the squandered “American Century.” While many album covers have shown me places I like to imagine myself visiting, I don’t have to imagine what being here might be like, having grown up in a place whose pride left soon after the steel industry did. It strikes me as exactly the kind of setting that Ridgway’s narratives ought to take place in: dirty, simple, well-intentioned, doomed, and all-American.

Ridgway’s follow-up to The Big Heat would be 1989’s *Mosquitos,* an album that largely abandons the many synthesiser-driven compositions found in his earlier work. It’s hard to fault him for this decision, given how much the mainstream appeared to be souring on synth-pop and electronic rock by the end of the decade, but it does mean that this album offers little I’d want to listen to recreationally. That is, with the exception of its third and final single, “Goin’ Southbound,” a practically epic drama of small-town drug smugglers trying to survive, and one that fires on all cylinders when it comes to fiddles dueling with digital synths. This track feels like it would fit right in on The Big Heat, so if you’ve enjoyed this album, don’t miss it.

Music: “Goin’ Southbound”

My favourite track on The Big Heat is “Salesman,” which, to my surprise, received a small advance promo release without ever becoming a true single. The titular character, an unctuous but insecure traveling salesman, is as rich a narrating persona as any of the many in Ridgway’s catalogue, and I love the way the refrain just feels like a song you might make up while idly doing something else, silly and yet primal at the same time. It captures the feeling of living “on the edge of the ball,” enjoying the freedom of spontaneity, but also, perhaps, suffering for its enforced sloppiness. That’s everything for today, thanks for listening!

Music: “Salesman”

[mlmanakin]

do you have an non-star wars instrumental music recs? and thank you for sharing those rebels songs!!!

no problem! some more recs, roughly in order of preference:

“glittermane” by daniel olsen (+ “epilogue”)

the mass effect 3 soundtracks, especially “leaving earth,” “aralakh company,” “i’m sorry,” “we fought as a united galaxy,” “i am alive and i am not alone,” “farewell and into the inevitable” (+ the other mass effect series soundtracks)

the interstellar soundtrack, especially “cornfield chase,” “day one,” “stay”

“merci” by stromae

“powerlines” by tame impala

“tu m’as tue” by m83

“the dark side (alternate reality version) [instrumental]” by muse

the dragon age inquisition soundtracks, especially anything with “theme” in the title, especially “descent main theme,” “lost elf theme,” “dark solas theme”

the stranger things soundtracks, especially “stranger things,” “eulogy,” “eight fifteen,” “i like presents too,” “kids”

“intro” by the xx

“twin elms” by justin bell

“arcade dreams” by the midnight (+ “youth (instrumental)”)

the orphan black soundtrack, especially “an honour,” “cosima’s treatment,” “endless forms most beautiful

the oxenfree soundtrack, especially “the beach 7am,” “beacon beach,” “epihany fields,” “towhee grove,” “lost (prologue)

the it follows soundtrack, especially “pool,” “title,” “detroit,” “linger”

and a star wars rec you might not have heard: samuel kim’s recreation of the music from the order 66 scene in “shattered” is phenomenal

[laffiteslanding]

Today in Movies that Need Theme Park Adaptations: Little Shop of Horrors (1986)

There are certain movies that just scream out for theme park adaptations. Jurassic Park. Jaws. Avatar, apparently. To this esteemed company, I humbly submit Little Shop of Horrors.

Revisiting this movie, I honestly can’t believe that no one has ever attempted to adapt it to theme parks, even if only as a stage show. Even at a glance, it has a lot going for it:

A killer Menken/Ashman score (that directly preceded their work on The Little Mermaid no less!)

A theatrical design/aesthetic that could be adapted to theme parks super easily

A memorable location in the form of the shop, which actually attracts tourists in the film, giving guests a convenient reason to be there

Great creature design and puppetry effects that could be incredibly realized through animatronics

Merchandising potential. Especially with the original ending factored in

Also in the original (cut) ending, some fantastical potential dark ride environments

Posters that write themselves: “See Audrey II!”

Finally, a delightfully twisted sense of humor

I can imagine nothing happened with the property because it was released

A) by Warner Bros.

B) in the 80s, when Disney alternatives weren’t super into the theme park game and Universal wasn’t licensing other studio’s IP

C) regional parks weren’t big on licensing properties either - and still aren’t, mostly, with the exception of cartoons and superheroes.

Furthermore, the film was a only a modest box office success at the time, though it has since grown into a cult classic that has spawned countless high school and professional theater productions. Little Shop is more well-known (and relevant!) now than it’s ever been, which makes 2020 the perfect time to adapt it!

So, How Would It Work?

Glad you asked! Little Shop could go in a few different directions, but in this case the most obvious answer seems to be the best one: we’ll make it into a shop! Not just any shop, mind you. No, this is going to be a full-on experience, like shopping in Diagon Alley but even more immersive. Here’s a quick rundown:

Leading up to the shop/in the area are posters that have a handcrafted quality to them and display sayings like “See Audrey II!”, or “Mr. Mushnik’s This Way!” There can also be graffiti on the walls cheekily referencing “Big Green Mother From Outer Space,” or bemoaning a terrible dentist appointment. There are also a number of missing persons flyers, and a few small vines may be creeping out of the shop entrance.

Once we get to the entrance, it’ll be an approximation of the small store front windows, though with a few changes for practicality. We’ll expand the space a bit beyond the tiny confines shown in the film to allow for better guest flow - perhaps Mr. Mushnik expanded a bit after his recent windfall. Not too much bigger, though. It is a “Little Shop” after all.

After heading through the facade, guests will be greeting with a room equally reminiscent of Ollivander’s and Disney’s Enchanted Tiki Room. The room is quaint, but not quite claustrophic. The ceiling may be raised to add some necessary breathing (and show) room. Houseplants and flowers line the walls, as does a host of purchasable goods - more on that later. Apart from the increased stock, the shop appears to be relatively normal, albeit with the tiny exception of a massive AUDREY II animatronic/puppet situated along the far wall.

The trick here is that this is two attractions in one - a shop and a show, kind of like Sonny Eclipse but way more involved. Even better - there’s no real barriers between the two. Ideally, there’s no fencing or barriers in the middle of the shop, though Audrey II has one or two handlers that keep everyone at bay. It seems Mr. Mushnik has taken on some extra staff to help with his booming business.

Audrey II, unsurprisingly, is the star of the show. There’s a considerable amount of movement in the animatronic, and though it slows down occasionally, it never stops completely. Most of the time, Audrey II will function as a sort of puppet, making snide, guest-specific commentary that is improvised by a hidden controller, similar to Turtle Talk or Islands of Adventure’s Magic Fountain. Movements will be synchronized so that it seems it’s actually making such comments in real time. Every 15 minutes (or three times an hour), however, Audrey II gets hungry. Like, really hungry...

So hungry, in fact, that it will burst into song! As the gigantic plant begins to sing one of a few songs from the film (”Feed Me” or “Mean Green Mother From Outer Space” are prime picks, and can alternate), the room around us comes to life. Vines begin to snake down from above and clusters of singing buds emerge from hidden cracks in the walls and ceiling. There may even be a sort of rumble effect to accompany these changes as the vines make the building supports groan in protest.

As the song reaches it’s climax, an unlucky “shopper” (read: cast member) ventures too close to the plant by mistake. Despite their screams, Audrey II swoops down and gobbles them up, closing its mouth around them but leaving their legs flailing for all to see before they, too, finally disappear. In reality, this effect could be accomplished in a number of ways - a more conservative approach would be that the lights go down for a moment as the song ends and suddenly we see (animatronic) legs flailing in Audrey’s mouth. The “shopper” is never actually eaten. Alternately, the mouth is fitted to actually fit a cast member inside, much like it is in stage productions. The “eaten” cast member can then slide out the back of the puppet through to a room on the other side of the wall. The latter would be preferable, as it could be quite an effect.

Afterwards, the shop suddenly returns to normal. All is as it was, and the shop’s staff encourage you to shop to your heart’s content. If anyone has any concerns, the staff cheerfully inform them not to worry - there’s no danger now that Audrey II has been fed! Besides, Mr. Mushnik has informed them they have to meet their quota.

While that concludes the “show” portion of the attraction, there’s still the “shop” aspect to explore. There is some merchandise available in the store, though it also spills out into the street outside to provide more space for the show. Make no mistake - this little shop isn’t going to be a t-shirt/bag/ears extravaganza. The merchandise here is intended to be an extension of the show in a way that is, I think, somewhat unique to Little Shop. That is to say, all of the merchandise available at the shop revolves around Audrey II and its cuttings. Animatronic toys, Audrey bud bouquets, and even seed packets are available. If there’s one rule in play here, it’s that the items available for purchase must be some form of the plant (Note that this playfully mirrors the alternate ending of the 1986 film).

The reason of this is simple, and its the same reason the two parts of this attraction are intended to coexist in the same space: theme. Both the film and the play focus on the morality of desire, and the film goes a bit further, touching on the dangers of consumerism. The act of purchasing something from the shop, especially after seeing a full grown version of the thing you’re purchasing eat a man alive, becomes an inherently thematic and even moralistic act. It may make the purchaser feel uncomfortable, yes, but there’s a thrill to the act now, as if you’re doing something dangerous. Even those who purchase nothing will likely feel some sort of reaction, perhaps even a positive one. Either way, the shop’s merchandise now serves as part of the experience, rather than being a separate (albeit adjacent) one, and now serves to enhance the immersion further. That’s why the whole thing is the attraction, rather than just the show element. It’s a cohesive thematic experience, but only if all of the elements work together.

Details, Details

A few more tidbits to really flesh out the experience: 

Various animatronic buds are scattered throughout the store’s merchandise shelves to add to the ambiance (and provide great stereo sound quality!)

If Audrey II ever needs to go into B-mode/goes down, a secondary show can involve the staff bringing a dentist in examine to examine the plant’s teeth. Hilarity ensues.

Instrumental versions of the musical soundtrack play over the radio in the background when Audrey is not singing. Radio announcers are soundalikes for the “Greek chorus” girls, and there’s at least one advertisement for an eye doctor that will help you “suddenly see more.”

And that about wraps it up! Got a different idea for an adaptation? Would you have done something differently? Let me know!

[sweetsmellosuccess]

Sundance 2021: Day 4

Films: 4 Best Film of the Day(s): Mass

Mass: Predictably, Fran Kranz’ film opens with a shot of a church, but the title turns out to be a reverberating double entendre   —  both the religious service towards forgiveness; and a term commonly used in conjunction with a multiple-homicide shooting event. The church, Episcopal it turns out, is the agreed-to meeting place for two sets of grieving parents: Gail (Martha Plimpton) and Jay (Jason Isaacs), whose teen son Evan was killed some years before in a high-school massacre; and Linda (Ann Down) and Richard (Reed Birney), whose son, Haden, was the shooter, before killing himself in the school library. They have agreed to meet, long after the lawsuits and legal wrangling have been settled, to possibly provide answers and solace to one another. As can be expected, the atmosphere is fraught with tension  —  a setting Kranz, an actor making his directorial and writing debut, expertly mines before the couples arrive, with a kind but overenthusiastic church administrator (Breeda Wool), fretting about the details of the food arrangement  —  and the couples, wary, at first, of letting things get hostile, work diligently to avoid disagreement by staying mild (an arrangement of flowers Linda brings is speculated upon a great deal). Eventually, however, the four wounded parents get down to more brass tacks, Gail and Jay eschewing their therapist’s call for them to avoid “interrogation” questions, to get at the root of what they are after. In truth, as Kranz has the characters cannily come to understand, there are no details that shed new light, no explanations that help rectify what they’ve lost, only a grim understanding that, as parents, they are all subject to the laws of chaos and chance. Unsurprisingly, Kranz has an actorly sense of conflict and explication, but, despite the limited setting (this could easily have been an adapted play), he gives his actors plenty of room with which to work, and the quartet are more than up to the task. They are each terrific, and given opportunity to shine, but it’s Plimpton’s monologue near the end about her son that becomes the film's singular tour-de-force moment, a scene with so many hooks and edges, it sticks to you like velcro. Kranz is careful not to overstep his dramatic boundaries, difficult given the potentially melodramatic elements of the story, and allows his actors enough time to breathe so it avoids feeling polemic or preachy (an early scene with Gail and Jay in the car before they arrive is a scintillating bit of set-up, where words are spoken, but our attention, like that of the characters, is entirely elsewhere). No easy answers, thankfully, just brutal realizations that can’t be avoided.  

A Glitch in the Matrix: By this time, documentary filmmaker Rodney Ascher has carved out a sort of niche for himself: As with Room 237, and The Nightmare, he has gathered up fringe thinkers displaying a sort of group psychosis in order to explore other ways of seeing, and interpreting, our world. His docs don’t come down on either side of a given conundrum  —  are any of the far-out, would-be explanations of The Shining in 237 the least bit sensible? Is it possible in The Nightmare for people experiencing the horror of sleep paralysis to share in the same horrific vision?  —  but he carefully doesn’t contradict any of his subjects either. His new film, an exploration of what’s known as “simulation theory,” concerns a pattern of thought described back in 1977 by the heavily adapted science fiction author Philip K. Dick during an appearance in France, suggesting, Matrix-style, that all that we think we see and know is actually an intricate virtual reality, brought to us by an unseen technological force. True to his form, Ascher interviews numerous applicants to the theory  —  many of whom portrayed by VR avatars in their own homes  —  including scholars, practitioners, and skeptics, and bolstering their arguments with an assortment of other media, from Minecraft, Philip K. Dick-based films, and crude computer animations, to video games, and youtube videos. The views are intentionally conflictive  —  one subject suggests the very idea of such conflict is the basis of the simulation  —  and anything but conclusive, but, of course, that’s the very point. Less unsettling than The Nightmare, one of the few true horror movies of the documentary genre I’ve ever seen, save for the account of Joshua Cooke, who pled guilty to killing his parents in cold blood after cementing his belief that the ideas portrayed in The Matrix were completely real. Listening to his step-by-step description, from prison, of his descent into madness, and where those impulses took him, is to drop into first-person shooter psychosis.

Coming Home in the Dark: Both Australia and New Zealand are blessed with spectacularly beautiful land that is filled with wide-open, terrifying vast spaces in which any amount of evil may lurk. In dark, violent films like Wolf Creek and Killing Ground, all that beauty and space is turned on its head by far more chaotic inclinations, rendering brutally effective, and stomach-churning sadism as a means of displaying the horrible duality of the land. Kiwi director James Ashcroft attempts to add to this cinematic legacy with this film, a murder-abduction sort of thriller, in which a family on a camping trip in the wilds, is brutalized by a pair of killers they come across. In a twist that at least one of the killers, Mandrake (Daniel Gillies) would have us believe is a coincidence, it turns out the patriarch of the family, Alan (Erik Thompson), used to teach at the abusive orphanage school in which both Mandrake, and his partner, Tubbs (Matthias Luafutu) suffered as children. It’s not a believable conceit, which Ashcroft seems to readily admit, but because it makes the connection, the film attempts to work as a kind of metaphor for the violence which we didn’t perpetrate, but also did nothing to stop. Mandrake as an avenging angel, foisting Alan’s lack of empathy back onto him in violent spades. It’s difficult to fault a film for not being transgressive and shocking enough, exactly, but despite the theatrics of the situation, and Mandrake’s coldly comic engaging of the couple in “regular conversation,” it doesn’t have the heart to be as effective and unsettling as it needs to be. It plays it too safe, which saves the audience from being plunged into the all-too-realistic terror of, say, Killing Ground, but also dilutes the stronger point it wants to make about systemic brutality.

The Blazing World: Related to the 17th Century Margaret Cavendish novel in basic concept, Carlson Young’s feature debut walks a wobbly line between linear narrative, and neo-gothic opera  —  only with a soundtrack instead of singing. The story concerns a young woman, Margaret (Carlson), who loses her twin sister to a drowning accident as a child, but has imagined ever since that her sister lives in some alternate vortex of reality, heralded by a grinning demon, Leonid  (Udo Kier, of course). Coming back to her childhood home before her battling parents (Dermot Mulroney and Vinessa Shaw) move out altogether, Margaret meets some old friends, does some drugs, and finally enters the fantasia-like world that Leonid has been beckoning her to for most of her life in order to find her trapped sister. There, she must amass a series of keys, plucking them from demon versions of her parents, and confront her own guilt and pain in order to unlock her twin and set everyone free. It would be easy to say Young’s reach far exceeds her grasp, but the fact that she was willing to attempt such an audacious project says something about her artistic chops. And for every moment that hits wrong, there are several more that work in interesting ways. Her aforementioned use of music, and sound design invokes a kind of Kubrickian aesthetic, and her commitment to her vision is palpable. This likely won’t be the best film she ever makes, but it does portend to a filmmaker worth keeping an eye on, going forward.

Sundance goes mostly virtual for this year’s edition, sparing filmgoers the altitude, long waits, standing lines, and panicked eating binges  —  but also, these things and more that make the festival so damn endearing. In any event, Sundance via living room is still a hell of a lot better than no Sundance. A daily report.

[moviemagistrate]

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD review

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD is my favorite movie of the 2010’s. 

I’ll give you a minute to put your recently-blown mind back together.

So why do I love this movie so much? The overall response to Quentin Tarantino’s supposedly penultimate opus has been very positive if not rapturous, but I’ve seen some surprisingly lukewarm and even negative reviews, with people criticizing it for being slow, meandering, lacking in depth or *shudder* boring. Obviously the quality of any movie is subjective, as I’m quick to remind anyone who hates Michael Bay movies, but I honestly don’t understand people who dislike OUATIH. Maybe it’s a matter of expectations, because I didn’t know how to feel about the film for much of the first time I watched it either.

The year is 1969, a time of great political and cultural change in the country and in the entertainment industry. The star-driven films of yesteryear are giving way to grittier, artsier, more auteur-driven works as we primarily follow Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio), former star of a popular cowboy show whose failed attempt to start an A-list movie career has left him relying on guest spots as TV villains-of-the-week to stay afloat. This is wonderfully laid out in the opening scene where he meets casting director Marvin Schwarz (Al Pacino, easily his best role since JACK & JILL), who lays out Rick’s lowering hierarchical status (“Who’s gonna kick the shit out of you next week? How about Batman & Robin? PING. POW”), while offering him an opportunity to be a leading-man again in Italian pictures.

Tagging along is Rick’s best, and maybe only, friend Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), Rick’s go-with-the-flow stunt-double who in the slowdown of Rick’s career has effectively become his driver and gofer, as well as Rick’s sole source of emotional support. Rick is also neighbors with Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie), the beautiful young actress and wife of then-superstar director Roman Polanski (whose inclusion in the film is minimal and handled tastefully), as she lives out her idyllic life, beloved by those around her like the ray of sunshine she was in real life. Her gated, hillside home looms over Rick’s, as he ponders aloud about how even meeting her the right way could resurrect his career.

For almost two-and-a-half hours, we follow these three characters as they just live out their lives, Rick nursing hangovers and having emotional breakdowns in front of his 8-year-old co-star on set while contemplating his future, Cliff going where the wind blows him while taking care of his adorable and highly-trained dog, and Sharon as she drives around Old Hollywood, spends time with her friends, and sneaks into a matinee showing of one of her movies, her eyes and infectious smile beaming with pride when the audience laughs at her comedic timing and cheers her martial-arts prowess.

I think it’s safe to say it’s not the film any of us were expecting from Quentin Tarantino. Having only made loud, gory, over-the-top genre pastiches for the last 15 years, you’d expect from the trailers for this to be about an actor and his sexy stunt-double getting mixed up with the Manson family before teaming up with Bruce Lee to save Sharon Tate from her horrific real-life fate, mixed with the filmmaker’s usual self-indulgent homages to films of yesteryear. While some of this is true to some extent, it’s surprisingly a much more relaxed, easygoing dramedy that follows a trio of funny, charismatic people as they just…exist, as people living in the moment instead of relics.

OUATIH is much more concerned with atmosphere, character, and capturing the feeling of a bygone era than the traditional narrative structure. It’s more effective than pretty much every nostalgia trip movie I've ever seen because you can feel Tarantino's affection for this era of his childhood bleed through every character, car, song, radio advertisement, TV show, background poster, etc. It’s through this meticulous level of detail and willingness to just hang out with these characters and take in this world that he reconstructed, Tarantino successfully resurrects the era in all its 35mm glory, but with the knowing twinge of real-world melancholy.

I guess the reason I love it so much is because the love that Tarantino has for everything and everyone in it is so tangible that it’s infectious. Watching OUATIH I honestly felt like I understood him better as both a filmmaker and as a person. He shows a level of restraint and maturity I haven’t seen since JACKIE BROWN. Even most of his trademark foot fetishizing is tasteful and subdued (I say “most” because I recall at least three close-ups of actresses’ feet that definitely made him a bit sweaty behind the camera). He’s a weird, shameless nerd with a big ego, but he’s 100% sincere about expressing his love for film and its rich history. And it’s this love, and the skill and style with which it’s expressed, that just put a big smile on my face each of the 6 (SIX) times that I’ve seen it since it came out. 

Tarantino offers a tantalizing contrast between reality and fantasy. Throughout the film, as the characters of Hollywood live in their own idyllic world, relaxing in pools or driving around in bitchin’ cars, we also see the disquieting eeriness and griminess of the Manson family. The soundtrack and accompanying old-timey commercials for tanning butter or Mug Root Beer that plays through a lot of the film is a joy to listen to, but we also hear news bulletins of the war in Vietnam or the aftermath of the Bobby Kennedy assassination. You could argue this is just to set the scene for the era, but it feels too deliberate, because even after that joyously fantastical ending, we remember that it was just a fairy tale and real life didn’t turn out as pleasantly. Tarantino’s ability to make his world and characters so meticulously detailed and lived-in works to great effect in instilling a bittersweet melancholy to this film in a way I was really taken aback by. It feels like a window into his soul, someone who yearns for the fantasy of the world he grew up in but remembering that not all good things last and not everything in your nostalgic past was good to begin with.

One beautiful, spellbinding scene is Rick and Cliff coming back from their excursion into the world of Italian filmmaking. In this montage, we see Rick, Cliff and Rick’s new Italian wife arriving at the airport and driving home before unpacking their baggage, interspersed with Sharon Tate welcoming a guest at her home and having lunch, before cutting to a series of shots of famous LA landmarks like Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Taco Bell, and Der Wienerschnitzel all meticulously resurrected in their retro glory as they light up the night. “Baby, baby, baby you’re out of time”, sings Mick Jagger as we’re watching multiple stories about people who are each embodying those words: Rick’s career, his friendship with Cliff, Sharon Tate, and Hollywood itself.

Tarantino himself feels like one of the last mainstream auteur filmmakers, as well as one of the last and biggest proponents of shooting large-budget movies on film (even Scorsese’s embraced digital now, the fantastically-talented traitor). And with the rise of streaming services, one can’t help but feel like the movie-going experience itself is also becoming obsolete, especially recently, what with theaters going to war with distributors over fucking TROLLS: WORLD TOUR, not to mention that global pandemic we’ve been having lately all but killing general audiences’ enthusiasm for the movie theater experience (Christopher Nolan’s TENET certainly didn’t help). If all these things, both real and fictional, are indeed out of time, then at least with Tarantino’s penultimate film they get one hell of a bittersweet sendoff, a great time that’s more of an Irish wake than a funeral, and it’s a film I have no issue calling a truly introspective, late-career masterpiece.

And that’s without mentioning uniformly incredible cast. Leo DiCaprio, an actor I normally don’t care too much for, gives the best and funniest performance of his career as a dependent prima donna actor clinging to his remaining fame. Brad Pitt earns the hell out of his Oscar as an embodiment of old-school masculinity and charisma with an amazing set of abs (and everything else) whose outward coolness masks his mysterious past and complete badass-ness. Margot Robbie shines in her depiction of Tate, a beacon of warmth and likability who in many ways symbolized the love and carefree attitudes of the swingin’ 60’s. I’ve heard people criticize her character for not having a lot of dialogue, but to me it feels like they’re ignoring the visual storytelling, which just gives way to them assuming the film is sexist just because the female lead isn’t constantly monologuing. Every member of the supporting cast is memorable with their own quirks and great lines, no matter their screentime.

And of course, it wouldn’t be a Tarantino joint without some truly hilarious and shocking violence, and without going into spoiler territory, the last 20 minutes delivers on this promise to such a degree that I feel comfortable calling it the best thing he’s ever done. Some may decry the climax as unnecessary or over-the-top, but the way it leads to an alternate world while subtly acknowledging what happened in the real one is cathartic beyond belief. And if you’re paying attention, every scene in the movie has been quietly building towards this finale, which to me takes away any potential of feeling meandering in the story. If you saw the movie and didn’t much care for it, I recommend giving it another watch. Having the context ahead of time makes it feel so much more rewarding, and even on the fifth watch I’m noticing clever, subtle set-ups I missed beforehand.

It’s also just super cozy and really easy to watch. The two hours and 45 minutes fly by. I could watch a 4-hour version of this.

Quentin, if you’re reading this, please don’t let your last movie be Star Trek.

[dregstrash]

in another time, in another place

A/N: This very long one-shot is dedicated to @kestrel-of-herran​ who basically encouraged me to write a zoyalai fic based on one of our favorite songs of Bastille’s album ( “Another Place” on Doom Days). Also thank her for this ending, cause I definitely was going to leave it at a different mood.

Also, thought I’d mention, this isn’t rated M, but this has a little bit more sex talk than usual for me. 

Word Count: 4.8k+

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I am bound to you with a tie that we cannot break With a night that we can't replace I'm lost but found with you, in a bed that we'll never make It's a feeling we always chase

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There were alternate universes out there. Nikolai was really quite sure of it.

There was a version of himself that was a dashing pirate that only plundered the rich and the dangerous, and gave safety to those who didn’t need any better.

There was a version of himself that was a self satisfied prince who would rule his country with a fair hand, and he would take tours throughout his country where every village opened welcoming arms to him.

There was a version of himself that was a carefree musician.

Or maybe a universe that saw him as a small town librarian.

Or maybe a wizard. Or maybe a dragon slayer. Or just an entire dragon.

There were alternate universes out there, he was almost positive because he refused to believe that the reality he lived in was the only one that existed. 

Surely, there was a timeline where he wasn’t trapped in a loveless marriage that his parents had orchestrated for him. In this alternate reality, his wife treated him like a husband instead of a roommate that she held in contempt 99% of time. He would go home after a long day of being in meetings and making sure his company were keeping everything on the ethical side, and he’d see his wife and drop a kiss on her cheek and offer to cook dinner. He would see her smile and he’d try to make her laugh with some stupid joke he came up with. Her laugh would go straight through him and he’d wrap his arms around her waist and feel her warmth sink into his bones. Because that’s what people who were in love did. That’s what people who were happy felt. 

He had to hold onto that hope that some version of himself had all those things, because knowing that his life began and ended in the shadows would be testing the limit of his optimism. 

As for his current state of existence... he made the best of it.

Like he’s done for most of his life.

When his brother tried to beat him up. He made sure that he knew how to defend himself.

When he found out that his dad may not really be his dad, he laughed through it and was glad that he’d never inherit the receding hairline that was already creeping up on Vasily. 

When Ehri didn’t even look his way the night they got married, he respected her space and slept in the guest room of their loft.

When he realized that she expected him to do that for the rest of their lives, he painted the walls a light blue and moved all his clothes into the room’s walk-in closet. He didn’t shut up about it to Ehri, but she wasn’t in the loft often enough to truly get sick of his light griping. 

When he came home one day and heard through the thin walls of Ehri’s bedroom that she wasn’t entirely alone...well Nikolai tried to make the best of that too. 

There really was no love lost between them. Hell, they hadn’t even consummated the marriage. And he didn’t know her intimately enough to even be hurt by the idea of her sleeping with other people. In all honesty, he almost expected it. 

But that didn’t mean that he’d do the same and sleep his way around New York. He may have had his fun in college, and enjoyed exploring just how far his charms took him, but he was a married man. That had to mean something, right?

He wasn’t his mother or his father. He wanted to be better than them-- wanted to prove that he could keep it in his pants and in his marriage. Even if his wife seemed uninterested in doing so. 

But then Zoya Nazyalensky came into his life-- or well she stormed through his life. An environmental consultant that was inspecting the land that he was planning to to be a homeless shelter. She was all edges and no give. She was a fire that had no qualms about burning him alive. She was a puzzle piece that he wanted to fit into his life. 

He’s not entirely sure how that first time had happened. It had been a late night at the office. He was trying to prolong his departure to his comically empty home, and he had been buried in a new design for a potential boat that could take him far, far away from his life. And it wasn’t until he had heard a knock on his office door that he realized that he wasn’t the only one in the building. 

Zoya had been working late in her borrowed office. She had been pouring over the endless reports and field samples, and had come to ask him a question regarding the type of materials he was going to use as foundation. 

He had lifted his gaze from his sketch and felt like the air had left his lungs when he caught her gaze. IThey had been dancing around each other for months now. 

He’d tease, she’d snap. He’d compliment, she’d roll her eyes. He’d look, and she’d look away. 

She’d suggest something, he’d listen. She’d tease him about his soft-heart, he’d call her ruthless. She’d stand firmly on certain practices, and he’d respect it.

Whatever words that were left unsaid during those months seemed like a cosmic force that tugged them closer and closer together, until they arrived in that moment. The dense air, the blazing stare, the first movement.

It all was a blur when their lips collided together. He could only recall impressions and sensations. Teeth pulling on lips. Hands wandering across bodies. Shirts being untucked. Pants being undone. Backs hitting flat surfaces. Moans and grunts a soundtrack to a night that made Nikolai forget his name and the ring on his left hand. 

That first time was everything Nikolai wanted. That first time was something that couldn’t happen again. 

Zoya could never be truly happy with him-- a man that was tied to another. And Zoya deserved to be happy. So, Nikolai had made some off-hand comment about Zoya’s talents, and she had called him an idiot. They had cleaned up and straightened their clothes, and had tried to part as casually as possible. 

But there really was nothing casual about it. Nikolai felt unmade and he had a sneaking suspicion that he’d always be unraveling. 

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So lie to me tonight and pretend 'til the morning light And imagine that you are mine 'Cause when the sun will rise with the truth coming out your eyes We'll be good in another life

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That first time quickly developed into a habit. Because Zoya decided to take more jobs throughout New York. She decided that there was a lot of opportunity in this city, and Nikolai had been one of the only friends she had in a city of millions. 

Nikolai would be a bad liar if he even tried to deny the happiness that danced in his chest when she had texted him about her temporary plans. 

He had planned to keep it as friends. Anything more would be selfish on his part. She couldn’t be just a vehicle for his sexual frustrations. He wouldn’t let her be. Friends he could do. 

But like most of his plans for his life, it failed almost immediately. 

Because as much as he tried to fight the attraction that leapt at him every waking moment of his day, he was one unhappily married man against an incredibly formidable woman. It was a fight he was destined to lose.

He had told Zoya about his arrangement with Ehri. It was over coffee and they had somehow gotten into a conversation over lost loves. Zoya had laughed in her very Zoya-way and claimed that it didn’t exist. While Nikolai had smirked and said that it did, it just didn’t exist in his marriage. They had stayed in that coffee shop talking all afternoon until an emergency at his office had him rushing out of there and completely missing the lingering look that lingered in Zoya’s eyes.

The next time they met up it was supposedly to watch a movie. 

They both knew it was an excuse.

They both knew that the movie they ended up playing wasn’t going to be watched. 

That’s how it was for them. Lies that were passed off as excuses so that they could have a reason to see each other. Some substantial thing to hold onto as they fell into each other’s arms and let the heat of their bodies consume their twin souls. 

It was after one of these nights that Nikolai had lain awake. His body was sated and spent, and he rubbed circles on Zoya’s lower back as her head rested against his bare chest. She had been too tired to put on any clothes, and he could feel every inch of her curled into his side, and his fingers trailed over the scars of her back ( “I got them from a stray cat in middle school. A bunch of kids dared me to poke it.” She said as his hand had trailed over every ridge and bump. “Let’s say, I shouldn’t have turned my back on it. I just tell everyone else I slept with I was a tiger wrangler.” Nikolai had laughed as his hand dipped lower. “I’d say it’s the same thing.”). 

For once, he seemed to be....happy. Or as close as he could get to it. Because his company was doing well, his parents’ partnership with Ehri’s parents were solid, and he just spent the last two hours exploring every inch Zoya Nazyalensky had to offer. There was a lightness in his chest that had never been there before.

So, of course, it didn’t last because he heard the front door to his loft open and shut softly and the gentle pitter patter of feet that could only mean Ehri had decided to grace their home with her presence. He heard another door open and shut, and he assumed that she was in her room. 

It wasn’t until that moment that Nikolai’s situation came crashing back down around him. He was a married man who could offer nothing to the woman who was sleeping contentedly at his side. For all intents and purposes they were fuck buddies. And he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be able to take Zoya out into daylight, and be able to hold her hand without the fear of his parents bringing the hammer down and berating him for jeopardizing a partnership that was funding their need to have five homes and a Fortune 500 company that ran itself. He wanted to be able to have his own feelings and his own life. He didn’t want these stolen moments and casual hook-ups. He wanted a relationship. A relationship with Zoya. He wanted and wanted, but at the end of the day that’s all they were: wants and wishes.

As gently as he could, he pulled away from Zoya and threw on his boxers. There was no way in hell he was going to go outside with the risk of seeing Ehri, but his room did have a balcony. 

And that’s where Zoya had found him. Staring at the New York skyline, half-naked, and on the brink of brooding.

“Pining over lost love again?” She said as she stepped up beside him, wrapped in the button-up he had been wearing.

He managed to pull a smirk onto his face, “I don’t pine, Zoya. Though I think even you have to admit that I look damn good brooding in the moonlight.” 

She smacked his arm, “Fine, you arrogant ass, then why are you out here?”

Nikolai looked down at her, and the sight of Zoya in his shirt and looking at him with that unwavering focus made his heart flip. There were words he wanted to say to her. There were words that he had been wanting to say for a long time now, but they halted in his throat. 

He knew Zoya pretty well now. He knew that commitments and real feelings were topics that held landmines that could blow their strange relationship into ruins. So he swallowed once, and looked back up at the sky.

“Just trying to see if I can read my future in the stars.” He sighed dramatically. “I figure I’d cut the whole psychic bullshit and just do it myself.”

He could feel her skeptical gaze on his skin, and he was glad when she chose to let it go. 

“You’re looking for lies, Nikolai.” She said. He felt her head on his shoulder and like a reflex he put his arms around her smaller frame and cocooned her body in his own heat. 

“I guess, I am. Do you have any for me, Zo? I could use a good lie.”

By the time she started to speak, his eyes had drifted downwards and into the silhouette of her face.

“I used to have an aunt who was clairvoyant.” She said. “So I think I’m more capable at reading your stars. And what I see is good.”

He snorted, “Really?”

She turned her head slightly, and shot him a shut up kind of look, “Yes. I see that eventually, you and Ehri will get a divorce without risking your parents disinheriting you. Then you’ll meet a woman that you actually love and she’ll love you back. You’ll get married for real and have dozens of children and save the world one building at a time. Then you’ll be happy for the rest of your life.”

His heart clenched at every single word that fell out of her mouth. He resisted every urge in him to correct her. I want you to see that it’s you, Zoya. You’re the one who I want to fall in love with. You’re the one I want to save the world with. You’re the one who could make me happy forever. 

But instead, Nikolai laughed and dipped his head down to kiss her temple. 

“Ehri leave me? Me, happy? You are a terrible fortune reader. A better one would come up with something actually believable.” 

Zoya turned to fully face him, and she smirked, “Fine. Here’s another prediction.” She leaned further into him so that the space between them almost became nonexistent, “I can see you kissing me because whatever is going on in your head is driving you insane. And I can see myself kissing you back because for some reason I can’t get enough of that annoying mouth. And then you’ll lead me back into that much warmer bed, and then you’ll kiss me again and again until I can’t breathe. Do you want me to keep going?”

Nikolai’s blood was practically humming, and as a way of replying he leaned down and pressed his lips sweetly over hers. 

The next hours were utter oblivion and bliss. Nikolai let his mind believe with every kiss, each thrust, each languid movement that this could be forever. That when he woke up next to Zoya the next morning her lies would have come true. That he was free from this marital prison, and he could start to entertain the idea of being with her-- maybe even marry her. As Zoya got closer to the edge, so did Nikolai and his mind narrowed down to the lie that there could be an infinite amount of tomorrows with her. 

He felt Zoya’s final muffled cry vibrate into his shoulder, and she fell on top of him in a heap while he followed soon after as she placed one last heated kiss into his mouth. 

His heart pumped from the exertion and his muscles shook from the pleasure that Zoya coaxed out of him. For the second time that night, Nikolai was sated, but he still couldn’t sleep. So he settled for tucking Zoya back into his side, and watching the sun come up in the horizon. He watched the sky lighten and the lies of the night disappear completely with the rising light. 

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Feels like something's special but it never felt like love Wonder what we could be living in another life

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Nikolai had to hand it to the universe. When it wanted to tear down his life, it was really determined to raze it to the ground.

At their one year anniversary, Ehri announced that she had enough and she didn’t care about the consequences, she served Nikolai divorce papers (that he was all too happy to sign), and he had very graciously helped move her out of the loft they barely shared. Then he had to go and turn out the news. 

That’s when he saw that his family was the top story in the business world. Apparently, his brother had committed tax fraud and his father had been caught helping him. Nikolai’s eyes widened as the news anchor listed the allegations that were leveling against his family, but he didn’t quite believe it until he saw the familiar figures of his dad and his brother being handcuffed and led away while his mother held onto a handkerchief looking distraught.

Nikolai wasn’t unintelligent. He knew what this meant for him. Even if he barely talked to his family, this meant that all of his assets were going to be frozen. He was going to get interrogated. His files were going to investigated. He was going to get kicked out of his loft. There were going to be fines to pay, people to deal with, and whatever life Nikolai thought he had was gone.

So, he did the only rational thing that came to mind: he went to Zoya.

Unfortunately, by the time he got to her apartment her apartment was ajar and there were boxes stacked against bare walls.

“I meant to tell you.” Zoya said coming out of the master bedroom, not even looking the slightest bit sorry. His whole body went numb as the puzzle pieces started to complete a horrifying picture. His family was gone. His career was probably near ruin. And Zoya was leaving.

In his unusual silence, Zoya started to talk again, “I have this promotion at our corporate office in California, and it was too good to pass up. I don’t leave until next week, but I needed to start packing up. I was going to tell you today, but then I saw the news and--”

“You didn’t know if I had been arrested too.” Nikolai’s voice sounded so strange to him. It was strained and hollow.

“No,” Zoya protested, a frown pulling at her lips, “I just thought you had enough to deal with--”

She was cut off as Nikolai barked out a laugh, “Since when are you ever considerate?”

He supposed he would have winced if he could feel the muscles in his face.

Zoya’s frown twisted into incredulity, and she crossed her arms in a defensive position, “Hey, don’t take that kind of shit to me. I know you’re probably just freaking out about what’s happening, but don’t start projecting on me. I’m your friend not a therapist.”

“Right,” Nikolai felt a smile on his lips, but there was nothing remotely amusing about this situation. He started to pace and pull at his hair. “ You’re my friend. That’s all you are a friend that I have sex with quite a bit.” 

“Exactly.” If it was possible, her voice had turned icier. “Just sex. Granted it was really good sex, but that’s all it was. I thought you knew that, Nikolai.” 

This stopped him in his tracks and he felt every muscle in his body tense. He did know that. He knew that from the very first time they had decided to go all the way. But it wasn’t just sex. There were the in-between moments that they shared too. The moments where he’d make her breakfast or bought her coffee or her visits to the office. The in-between space where there were some nights that they did actually just end up watching a movie and she’d fall asleep on his lap and the other nights that they talked about their day. Though, he had tried to keep his heart from the inevitable fall, it had seemed fated for him. He was in love with Zoya Nazyalensky. 

“What if it isn’t just sex, Zoya?” He almost whispered the words, but he needed his voice clear. He needed to look more solid than he felt, because this was his last chance to feel whole “What if I--”

“Don’t.” She cut him off sharply with a move of her hand. “Don’t make this into something that it’s not. You were lonely, Nikolai. You were lonely and-- and sexually frustrated. Whatever you think you’re feeling it’s not real.”

“And how would you know that!” He hadn’t meant to yell, but he was losing control of his voice.

“Because I’m not lying to myself!” She yelled back. Her face was distant and closed to him, and he wished for all the world to be able to know what she was really thinking, “Maybe in another life, Nikolai. In another time where I was someone you could actually love, and where you aren’t so- so- vulnerable then maybe it could be a possibility for something else. But right now? You don’t-- you don’t love me. Because I don’t love you.” 

Nikolai would look back at this moment, and realize that while Zoya was a good liar there was something about that last sentence that didn’t sound quite right. An untruth buried in her tone. But at this moment, all he could hear was the sound of his entire heart shattering completely. It was a physical pain that tore at his chest when he took one step away from the coldness in Zoya’s eyes. His body flushed with hot then cold. His vision was blurring slightly, and maybe that was the only good thing to come out of this because then he didn’t have to look at her stone-still face.

He didn’t know how he had managed it, but he finally forced his feet to remember how to walk. Just one foot in front of another, that’s all it was one foot in front of another. It didn’t take a lot of brain power, which was just as well because his brain was too busy trying to keep his heart from failing entirely.

-

In another time And in another place

-

It took the better part of a year before Nikolai had managed to stitch his life back together. 

He had given his testimony in court. He willingly gave up his files from his own development company. He tried to look after his mom. He talked and paid for all the lawyers.

And after all of that, his dad and his brother were charged with tax fraud and corporate espionage and sentenced to fifteen years in prison. The FBI found nothing incriminating in his company and was cleared of any suspicion. His mom had run away to be with Nikolai’s real father who lived in Norway. And by the time the lawyers were all paid, he had just enough to salvage the rest of his money in his company. For all intents and purposes, things were beginning to settle down.

Sure, he was now living in a substantially smaller one-bedroom apartment. He’s had some lean months where food came in the form of fake noodles cooked in boiling water. But he’s at peace. He had taken a new partner in his company, and while David Kotsyk was a little eccentric he was a genius. And it seemed like his wife was the one that carried all the conversation and charm, so he had no qualms about hiring her as their official PR director. 

In hindsight, he was almost glad that his half his family was thrown into jail, because it seemed like the universe’s way of giving him a second chance. A way to be a different person. A different life. 

As long as he kept his thoughts from straying to a certain dark haired, blue-eyed woman, he’d say that he was content. 

By the time Summer rolled around, Nikolai’s company was back on the upswing. He was able to buy more buildings in some of the rougher areas in New York and cut a deal with the state that let him rent out the new buildings that were adjusted to the income of the average citizens that lived in the area. He hoped this way, it stopped potential gentrification and let the locals try to live away from the more run down apartment buildings. 

Their annual barbecue was in full force, and Nikolai was sure that Tolya was drink away from standing on a table and performing Shakespeare. Which would have beat his last year’s announcement that he was going to run away and audition to be Hollywood’s first Asian Hamlet. 

“Nikolai!” Genya’s voice cut through the crowd, and he smiled as he caught sight of his friend holding up two beers in triumph. He didn’t know how his favorite drinks were always the first ones to disappear, but he was sure it was some kind of conspiracy. 

“You’re a hero, Gen.” He said as he toasted her. 

She laughed, “Do tell that to David, will you? I think he lost the list of compliments I had given him, and he seems utterly at a loss for words.”

Nikolai grinned as he spotted his other friend reading under the shade of the only tree planted in this saintsforsaken park. 

“That doesn’t seem too out of--” Whatever quip Nikolai was about to say stuttered to a complete stop when he caught the sight of a familiar figure walking regally towards him and Genya.

This must be some heat induced hallucination. Or one of his employees had fed him an edible. Or he was dreaming. Because there was no way that Zoya was here. At this moment, looking like she’d rather be somewhere else. 

“Zo!” Genya waved excitedly at her, and Nikolai felt his mind split into different levels of shock. Genya knew Zoya? Zoya knew Genya? Zoya was here? 

When Zoya reached them, she paid Nikolai no mind, and crossed her arms, “Tell me again why you insisted I be here?”

“Hello to you, too.” Genya sighed. “Like I told you, it’s good to have more than me and David as friends since you’re moving into the city permanently. Anyway, have you met Nikolai? He’s--”

“I’ve had the pleasure.” Zoya’s laser gaze finally landed on him, and despite the utter swirl of confusion that raged inside his chest, Nikolai still managed to pull out a smirk and give a half bow.

“Oh believe me, the pleasure was all mine.”

Zoya was as impassive as always, but it only made him grin a little more. Even if after all this time, he missed her.

Genya coughed beside them, and made a weak excuse to leave the loaded silence that sparked between her friends. 

After a few more beats, Nikolai stuffed his hands into his pockets and offered a friendly smile, “So you’re moving back, huh?”

She sighed and then shrugged, “Got promoted again. They made me the Eastern Regional Director, and it’s pretty permanent.”

“Congratulations, Nazyalensky.” Nikolai exclaimed a warm pride filling his heart, “Though I wonder why you didn’t think to tell me?” 

Zoya scoffed, “I don’t owe you life updates, Lantsov.”

“Fair enough, but like our dear friend suggested, it’s good to have a friend in the city.”

“Friends?” There was no mistaking the scorn in her voice, “Last time I checked, we weren’t friends.” 

That horrible day when Nikolai’s life fell apart replayed quickly in his mind, but he forced it away. That was then. This was now. The course of his life changed because he had the courage to keep going. This magnetic pull towards Zoya was no different. 

He boldly took a step closer to her and was relieved that she didn’t move away. Instead, she just continued to stare at him. 

“That may be true, but I also remember that the last time we talked you also had said that in another time we could be more than friends.” He spread his arms out to the change of weather and the shining sun, “Given that this is a completely different time, is that true too?”

Zoya held his gaze for a long time, and Nikolai waited patiently under her scrutiny. She had haunted too many of his dreams in the last year. She was the biggest what if of his life. Now that she was standing less than a foot away, he’d wait for an answer even if he had to wait another lifetime. 

Without breaking eye contact, she grabbed the beer from his hands and brought it up to her lips. After taking a pull, she glanced out at the party and said, “Ask me out properly this time, Nikolai, and we’ll take it from there.”

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Mythical Music History Yearbook: 1994

This series discusses a particular year in the history of music. It focuses on one song, one album, and one concert or music video that helped to define that year and in the process change music.

Definitely Maybe by Oasis

This album was one of the fastest selling debuts in England at the time. Oasis were the leaders in sparking a revival in pop music that is known as Britpop. They would get into a fierce rivalry with the band Blur led by Damon Albarn, who is now mostly known for his animated band, Gorillaz. The album shot straight to number one on the British album charts, but only reached number 58 in America. Perhaps, this is why I did not get into Oasis until their second album. The themes explored on this album emerged as much more positive than the fatalistic stylings of grunge. In a tragic twist of irony, Kurt Cobain would commit suicide in 1994 signaling the official demise of grunge. Those bands obviously still existed, but no longer would that label be used in the future. Groups like Pearl Jam and Soundgarden were now referred to as alternative, not grunge. This was indeed the best album from Oasis because it was not weighted down by any amount of filler. The deep cuts are just as good as the singles. Eventually, there would be backlash towards Oasis with the one criticism being songwriter Noel Gallagher had virtually plagiarized the Beatles. This was true, while Oasis never disguised their love for the band from the name of the song “Wonderwall” to the cover of Definitely Maybe to even naming a child after a member of the Beatles. I once heard a comparison on this criticism. Numerous bands over the years had tried to mimic the Beatles songwriting, but Noel Gallagher got the brunt of it simply because he was the best to ever do it. The amazing thing was that he took influence from not only the Beatles, but another band. The Bee Gees had been a very strong influence on how he wrote songs. Yes, the band that came to the forefront with the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. Definitely Maybe is also the only album that Noel Gallagher will speak about with incredible fondness. He looks upon it as his greatest work. On the other hand, What’s the Story Morning Glory, he once said in an interview that it helped to pay for a couple of his houses. Gallagher also mentioned that the album helped to finance his cocaine habit for over 10 years. Related to Definitely Maybe, he makes the startling observation that “Cigarettes and Alcohol” was the first top 10 song about cocaine. I tend to see it as a grain of salt situation because there were a lot of people who did not know that song was about the drug. The song “Live Forever” stands up today as one of the greatest rock ‘n’ roll songs in the 1990’s. The song even makes lists of all time greatest rock songs as well. There is a feeling of optimism, hope, and the future upon listening to the song. This optimism within the catalog of Oasis is ironic based on the incredible amount of negative drama surrounding the band‘s long-standing feud between Liam and Noel Gallagher. Today, when you hear the two brothers talk, a sense of optimism would not be one of the things that you would think of actually upon hearing them.

Say It Ain’t So by Weezer

For the most part, this is the song that the average music fan will think of when someone brings up Weezer’s name. “Buddy Holly” the music video pretty much put them on the map, but in truth this was the better song. The background of making it is quite an interesting story. Rivers Cuomo had pretty much written all of the music for and knew the name for the song, but no other lyrics. He would use his personal story as the context for the song. As he sings, “This bottle of Heinie is crowding my icebox.” The line is a direct reference to seeing a bottle of beer in his refrigerator as a teen, which he thought meant that his mother and stepfather were getting a divorce. Cuomo‘s real father had been a very bad alcoholic, who divorced his mother at the age of four. The line, “This bottle of Stevens,”

actually is talking about his stepfather, whose first name is Steven. The line, “Flip on the telly and wrestle with Jimmy,” meant coming home after school turning on the television and wrestling on the floor with his brother. The crazy thing was that upon its release the song actually brought him and his biological father back together. Yes, his father had become a born-again Christian just like the song. The background vocals in the song were sung by bassist Matt Sharp, who left the band in 1998. This was the first time he had ever sung on a record at all. He would later take a little bit more credit then he deserved for his contributions to the band.The original release of the song included a part with guitar feedback that was not included on the album, but had been later released on the single. The band decided to place that version of the song on the album as well, but they had already sold 3 million copies of the record. Today, if you buy the deluxe version of the album, then you will receive both versions. In 2015, rapper Asher Roth sampled this song on the single “I Love College,” but apparently Rivers Cuomo did not clear the sample. This is interesting considering the fact that he did tracks with artists like B.O.B. as early as 2010. Roth was able to release the song using a remixed version of the song, but not the original apparently. Perhaps, Cuomo wanted to listeners to get the gist of the song, but not the actual song. The most interesting use of the song was the mashup album entitled Jay-Zeezer, which combined this song with December 4th by Jay-Z. I actually remixed the song myself because the mashup did not include a short verse of “Say It Ain’t So” that I thought should be included.

Sabotage by The Beastie Boys

This music video was directed by Spike Jonze, who coincidentally directed “Buddy Holly” by Weezer. In the 1990’s, Jonze developed a reputation for cutting edge, inventive videos. Unfortunately, the success did not translate into feature films. The thing that strikes me is that this song is really remembered as being much more popular than it was at the time of its release. The actual song was only moderately successful never even reaching the top 10 on the Billboard charts. The music video is actually what sent the song into the stratosphere. In the video, the Beastie Boys parody 1970’s television shows like Hawaii Five-0, The Streets of San Francisco, Baretta, and Starsky and Hutch. As a kid, I remember watching it and thinking what the hell is this show and where do I watch it. You were given no explanation as to where this came from, which shocked the hell out of me because everyone loved it. The odd thing seemed to me that people were not really sure what they actually loved and why this was hilarious. Upon airing on MTV, it is worth noting that the Beastie Boys had to cut three scenes from the video because they were deemed too violent. At the MTV Video Awards that year, this video was nominated in five categories and lost every time. Michael Stipe of REM was interrupted during the show by MCA dressed as Nathaniel Hornblower, one of his alter ego‘s, to protest the fact that the Beastie Boys did not win once. An interesting take on this little scene emerges as to why the Beastie Boys were not vilified like Kanye West. This loss should have come as no surprise to the group. MTV had a growing reputation as being extremely poor judges of what is cool. I would always think they can air music videos, but they sure as hell cannot judge them. The Video Music Awards became more and more about propping up the bands that made advertisers happy, not the fans. The fact that they became exclusively a reality television channel was absolutely no surprise to me. Music simply acted as the means to an end for the network. One thing that does dishearten me in a way are the Spike Jonze music videos that became iconic tend to completely overshadow the merits of the song. I think this very thing happens with Weezer’s “Buddy Holly,” where people only remember Happy Days, instead of the unique qualities to the song. In the 2018 Beastie Boys autobiography, The Beastie Boys Book, Amy Poehler reviewed the music video. ”There would be no Anchorman, no Wes Anderson, no Lonely Island, and no channel called Adult Swim if this video did not exist.” Let’s be honest. That is not true. I love this music video, but that is not its legacy.

[amandagaelic]

Wolf + Snow & #s 1, 9, 13, 14

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

A: I’m going to cop-out and provide the same answer for Wolf + Snow as I did previously for Anvil + Duct Tape…’cause it’s still true. I approach all of my fics very similarly—I grab hold of anidea and build a world around it. I’m not very…experimental when it comes to mywriting. The biggest change I make is sometimes writing in 1st person/presenttense, which I’ve discovered is not easy to keep consistent. I often switchbetween POVs so that we can experience the various characters differently and Ican try to get into different head spaces. I’m not sure if I am ‘inspired’ to dothat by any one thing other than a curiosity of how the world looks throughdifferent eyes.

9. Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

A: One. Originally, Isaac Gray was supposed to diefighting the Russian hit squad. But…I ended up liking him too much to killhim. And then I realized…I needed him to help Jack save Mac. So…he wasspared.

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood forwriting this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you thinkreaders should listen to to accompany us while reading?

A: Ohmy goodness. Music is fuel for my imagination. I build a writing playlist foreach story and I put my earbuds in and basically…climb inside the movie in my mind. I honestly cannot write well without music–even when I have something incredibly dry and (potentially) mind-numbing to write for work (which, I have to do quite a bit), I need music. I say I think with my fingers, but the catalyst for those thoughts is music. 

I hear too much that I don’t want to listen to in the silence.Tobe honest, my “Mac fic playlist” has grown a bit across the different stories; some of these songs might not be specific to Wolf + Snow, but they still fit. 

Here’s a selection: The War by SYML (this song *is* Mac to me)Brother (Acoustic version) by Kodaline Forgottenby Lorne Balfe (from 13 Hours soundtrack)GlassHeart Hymn by Paper RouteBlackFlies by Ben Howard AreYou With Me by nilu Soldier(feat Fleurie) by Tommee ProfittHurtsLike Hell (fear Fleurie) by Tommee ProfittHero(feat Mike Mains) by Tommee Profitt ShellSuite by Chad ValleyMidnightby Coldplay Cityof Angels (Piano Version) by 30STMComingUp for Air by Smoke SignalsBrokenby Patrick WilsonSeeWhat I’ve Become by Zack Hemsey

14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn fromreading this fic?

A: Wow. This is kind of a heavy question. To be honest, I really don’t write with the idea in mind that someone reading will learn something from it–I write to entertain. To provide an escape from whatever reality is dishing out in that moment. In Wolf + Snow, Mac has to come to accept that he matters to people more than he realizes. He’s been abandoned so many times in his life, and has had to learn to cope with the reality of moving through life without a safety net, that he insulates himself and doesn’t consciously realize the impact he has on others–in this story, most notably Jack. He has to actually be taken down to his most-basic need for survival to gain a realization that no, it’s not okay that he’s left behind and no, it’s not okay that he sacrifice himself for the sake of others. Not this time. So, if there is anything I’d want readers to learn when reading this story it’s that…you matter. Always. There are people around you who need you and look to you and value you in ways you might not realize–but their lives would not be the same without you in it, to whatever degree that is. You impact people every day without realizing it, just by being you. Stay that course, realize that you’re connected to the web of humanity, and embrace that knowledge with a Jack Dalton-worthy hug. :)