#tho that was pretty obvious wasnt it
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Sometimes I think ur beautiful :P
#ok i lied i actually am having fun in my sketchbook#if that wasnt. obvious#nen's art#orange#trent#tent is BUSTED ignore him#orang is pretty tho#cassetta
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Cruel Summer: The Summer Regulus turn pretty - teaser.
The salty fresh smell swirls in a perfect dance into Regulus nostrils. The breeze awakened the goosebumps on his arms, and he rubbed them to keep the hairs in bay. He glanced up at the home that carries more memories than the box underneath his bed. He was home, the closest to a real home. He was finally back at Cousins Beach. He let himself be embraced by the glaring sun already leaving faint red marks on his vampire skin. He was home.
“If it isn’t my favorite people in the whole world” Regulus glanced over at the voice, smiling wide and watching as his uncle, Alphard, got embraced to the warmth that was Euphemia Potter.
“Darling, it’s been too long. We really should be catching up on tea between seasons.” Alphard scowled her jokingly.
Euphemia laughed, “We should have, it’s a shame that we only meet during the summer lately. I miss you.” she replied, with a gentle push.
“Where is James?” Sirius complained, grinning.
Almost in cue James walked out, running a hand through his hair. “I’m here, you drama queen.” they replied, immediately wrapping his arms around Sirius and squeezing them.
“I am dramatic, It’s been torture without you this year.” Sirius complained, dramatically falling on James' arms.
Regulus watched the interaction, with amusement written on his face - looking discreetly around.
“Damn, Regulus.” James exclaimed, wiggling his eyebrows. “You got hot.”
“Gross, please don’t say that about my brother.” Sirius complained.
James chuckled, winking at him. “He did, Reg is about to break hearts this summer.”
“Oh shut up.” Regulus rolled his eyes, but not being able to help himself and smiling. It was no secret that he finally switched his glasses to contacts, and braces finally removed. So, yes, he agreed he was damn hot.
Regulus glanced away from them, and it felt like time suddenly became a cliche slow motion movie as he watched an irritated Barty come out from the back door fixing his hoodie. When Barty suddenly looked up and their eyes met, Regulus felt his breath hitch and his mouth became dry as he walked closer to him.
Barty glanced at him, slowly scanning his face and making him wanna crawl out of his skin, as the record player shattered when he spoked. “I liked you better with your glasses.”
“I-..” Regulus began stunned, and immediately composed himself, rolling his shoulders back. “Well I like myself better without them.”
#bartylus#regulus black#barty crouch jr#marauders#the marauders#harry potter#im sorry but james in jeremiah lmfao#sirius is steve#remus is taylor#barty is conrad#if this wasnt obvious#I'm team Conrad LMFAO#jegulus#not endgame tho lmfao#wolfstar#the summer regulus turned pretty#i might never finish it tho#i suck at writing lately
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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.
But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.
#speculation nation#and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it#then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day#just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them#but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else#and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself#and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao#why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc#honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year#and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this#bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.
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reflecting............... i am rather unwell
#boink#debrief#of sorts#oh well#im listless and terrified and i dont think those things should go together#last night was my acappella groups fall concert#big news big news#it went well tho i was really happy with our performances#we had our little group party afterward and the 'initiation' for the newbies which was fun#we give them little candles lol#i played will wood but only for like three songs lol#then we listened to the new kendrick album which was also fun#we played werewords lmao and cards against humanity#i got drunk which has never happened before#it was. interesting lol#i think i was just louder than normal lol#i kept talking in french about my assignments#i also just kind of talked a lot to my friend who i like#i am seriously hoping i wasnt being obvious about it. not by like talking to him but just i hope i wasnt being weird or anything#i just remember he was still wearing his concert clothes and he unbuttoned the top of his shirt and i was. pretty enamored w that#i kept apologizing which ik is terribly annoying but he was being very kind about it#hanging out with everybody was fun but once i got home i was just sooo sad#im very sad today too lol#i think i might be in love with him#i dont know#i mean i dont know anything except for that its a lot#i care about him a lot#anyway so overall an intersting experience lol#im about to watch an eppisode of arcane and go to sleep now#my roommate is gone home for break already so im just
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"weave a basket or have some children, whatever it is you humans do"
EXCUSE ME SIR
how dare u compare the two!! that is an insult to basket weaving!
#playing through another vn that i avoided because being called she at the time was upsetting#as shitty as this guy's attitude is. i already love him he is a bastard and i want to punch him but like with my mouth#he's very pretty#i hope he is a romance option. if this vn even has romance options?? i didnt check#sigh.....#i do wish i knew how to weave baskets tho baskets are so pretty#also if it wasnt obvious i am feeling very mentally gooey because i am bleeding. so much. somuch.#it's only the first day idek how im gonna be conscious by day 4#im so tired already lmao#uhhh#delete later maybe
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... ok maybe it was a good idea i chose to do amity's season 2 outfit as all the other ones on the cosplay store lexy sent me are more expensive than that one
#THE ONE FROM WHEN THEY WENT TO THE KNEE IS DOUBLE THE PRICE#i mean i wasnt gonna do that anytime soon cause id fucking melt in this weather but still...#i can probably just hand make that one when the time comes cause i have a coat thats honestly pretty similar#except its light grey instead of lilac#but yk you make do with what you can#i could probably hand make her season 2 outfit myself anyways#i know for sure theres a top like her one in a clothing store i go to#cause i have one thats pretty similar but light grey#its not as long tho so il have to figure that one out#and the tights/leggings (whatever you wanna call them) i can just order cause thats easy#it'd just be the necklace that'd be an issue#but i can probably buy that from some cosplay site#im gonna use her crescent moon necklace not her one that odalia talks to her thru cause.. no for obvious reasons#oh and i need her shoes... hm il figure that out later#... i just realised how long this is sjbcshscj i was just typing out my thought process lmao#ok im gonna stop
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okay speaking of dikx, some fun facts: well its more like, trivia and future plans, but i want to make two characters that hang around him: a scientist that gets full funding for him to fuck around because dikx loves seeing the fucked up shit he makes, although they have a bit of a love hate relationship; and dikx right hand arm man, his everything, his confidant, his silly rabbit (''is that what he calls you?'' ''no ♥''), this big guy who is blindly devoted to Dikx and honestly does most of the leg work and actual politics and shit.
The reason why neither has a design is because for the life of mine i cannot think of how they would look OT2
#luly talks#i must be the first artist who struggles with designing characters more than writing their stories and stuff#for the record dikx is pretty nice to the people who are around him and by that i mean he wouldnt execute or torture them for fun#he knows he needs them so he respects them which for the scientists its like yeah whatever but for the other guy is like.#hes sobbing and throwing up#i think dikx is aro tho so he could never recipriocate the feelings the big guy has for him because if it wasnt obvious HES DOWN BAD#but hes down bad in every sense of the word like he loves dikx more than he loves himself i mean i dont even think a relationship would be#possible bc i dont think he sees himself as deserving of such etc etc#he's a bit of a foil to Dikx being more serious and formal in both his apparence and speech#while dikx would say shit like ROFL! and shit#i mean thats the thing he cares too much and dikx doesnt care at all#but lets talk of the scientist for a bit...#the reason he's lukewarm with dikx is bc hes so fucking annoying 😭#hes loud and obnoxious and a careless idiot AND BY CHOICE because this guy KNOWS dikx is a very capable man#dikx dislikes him just because hes boring but he does fucking love annoying him#there isnt actual HATE hate between them tho i dont think dikx would like threaten him or they would fight#its kinda like I cant stand his ass 5 minutes later me and the bestie#the big guy and the scientist straight up hate each other tho but they dont show that around dikx. well. not directly
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I love powerpoint night things lol i thought id try my hand
Matt: aw no big deal man
Allison: wdym places youve slept??
Nicky: do we finally get to know all the countries youve lived in?? omg
Neil: um
Nicky: oh
Aaron: wtf where else would you sleep
Kevin: is that andrews bed
Dan: i feel like that ranking is a little high but whatever
Allison: why is that chair in the woods
Neil: ok next slide
Andrew: nice
Renee: oh it is a nice view
Aaron: how tf did you get up there
Matt: WHY did you get up there
Allison: how does that have a 6/10 neil how low are your standards
Andrew: pretty low
Nicky: what
Neil: oh yeah that one was a hassle
Nicky: ALMOST FELL??
Neil: woops
Aaron: smells like what
Andrew: junkie
Kevin: that is not what a locker room is for
Dan: whose locker room is that??
Dan: ON A? ON A TRUCK???
Matt: how did you even get up there?
Renee: actually thats really impressive
Neil: thanks :)
Nicky: we're not gonna talk about the 'almost fell' again? or the 'yelled at'?
Andrew: whats to talk about
Nicky: no comment
Dan: i think we need to start considering the possibility that neil has superpowers
Kevin: climbing trees is childsplay
Allison: yeah but sleeping in them?? without falling??
Nicky: its important to note that this one does not say 'almost fell'
Neil: i was surprisingly secure
Matt: wdym 'kind of obvious'
Neil: when you see someone sleeping in a tree thats pretty suspicious
Andrew: have you met yourself
Neil: and i try not to draw attention to myself, yknow father and mafia and all
Andrew: have you met yourself
Allison: not surprised about the beef with squirrels tho
Renee: neil when did you get good at climbing
Neil: its a talent
Aaron: surprisingly high rating again, are we sure neil knows how rating works
Allison: EW YOU SLEPT THERE?
Nicky: neil...honey...
Neil: it was one time guys
Dan: at least this is the worst one right neil
Neil:
Dan: right neil?
Nicky: i am very concerned for you neil
Aaron: how tf do you even manage that
Renee: we're not gonna talk about the fact that he passed out ??
Dan: this rating i can understand at least
Allison: no. no this is where i draw the line
Kevin: this and not the stairs or the alley?
Nicky: its the fact that this is rated higher than either of those for me
Matt: your lack of self preservation skills still astounds me
Neil: try before you deny
Aaron: fuck no
Neil: coward
Renee: well wasnt that just a great presentation guys
Dan: neil please have a sleepover with us
#powerpoint#aftg#neil josten#the foxes#powerpoint night#part 1#wait I just realized I forgot to put the monsters beanbag chairs on there#🙏🙏forgive me gang
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Biggest Hater - Part One
Matt Sturniolo x Fem Reader
Part 1 of 2
Alternate version of my Chris fic: Biggest Fan
Requested by the baddest! @muwapsturniolo
Summary: You just don’t get the hype of the Sturniolo Triplets like almost every girl your age does. It probably has a lot to do with the fact that you went to high school with them and Matt Sturniolo particularly, got on your nerves more than anyone you thought ever could. In fact, it has everything to do with that. And when you run into him a couple years later, at the peak of their fame, your feelings haven’t changed one bit. No matter how attractive you find him.
Content warnings: smut, fingering, thigh riding, car sex, loss of reader's virginity, mean!matt (even tho he’s an angel irl), ANGST AF, enemies to lovers trope (somewhat?), slightly toxic, weed smoking
disclaimer: matt and reader are both of age in the prom flashback. also, dont drive under the influence if that wasnt already obvious lol
word count: 4,325
Hate is a strong word. What does it really mean to hate someone? It’s a powerful human emotion that many say is dangerously close to the emotion of love. To feel so strongly about someone, that every time you see them or hear their name it evokes a strong reaction in you, can cause your heart to race in your chest, and your hands to shake.
That’s how you felt every time you saw or heard of Matt. Whenever you visit your family home in Somerville, that’s practically all you hear people talk about. How famous he and his brothers are now and how successful they’ve become. Literally every girl you know has a crush on them. Even your roommate, Stephanie. It gives you a migraine how much people talk about them.
You couldn’t help how much of a hater you were. It wasn’t like you to be like this, you were usually supportive of mostly everyone, especially people you knew or grew up with. You went to high school with the triplets, so you had the privilege firsthand to experience how they were before their YouTube fame.
Chris was funny, always making jokes in class and very talkative. You didn’t mind him as much, during the few interactions you had with him, you found him to be sweet and he was known as kind of a player, but you never saw or heard of him treating a girl with disrespect.
Nick was outspoken and opiniated which you appreciated, and always nice to everyone. You actually got along with him really well, usually pairing up with him for projects in the biology class you two had together. He even invited you over to his house to hang out a couple times, but you politely declined. You adored him but there was one person you just could not be around that would be there.
Matt. He got on your last nerve like no other. He had the worst attitude, and it bothered the fuck out of you. He was pretty quiet, and he often missed school. But the times you were around him, he gave you the dirtiest looks and rolled his eyes whenever you spoke. Why? You had no clue. He was also an instigator, constantly pitting you against Chris and Nick for no reason, which they usually ignored but it pissed you off, nonetheless. There was just something about him that fueled rage in you like you’ve never felt. And it did not help that you were so goddamn attracted to him.
Let’s be honest, all that tension and angst is bound to create a type of energy that just can’t be ignored. Even if it’s caused by someone you can’t stand.
Then, came senior prom. The events of that night and what happened after, forever solidified your hateful feelings towards him.
You had gone with separate dates of course, but somehow ended up alone together by the end of the night. You had a suspicion that your friends and his brothers had something to do with it, but you sat in awkward silence and moping next to him on the bleachers as the rest of your senior class danced on the gym floor.
Large social events like this were not your cup of tea and neither for Matt. You rest your chin in your hand as you lean on your knees, watching your date dance like an idiot. He was your ride home and you were starting to get fed up, tempted to call your parents to pick you up or even order an Uber.
“What an idiot.” Matt says to you, his eyes also on your date.
You scoff, “Yeah, tell me about it.”
“I mean, I knew you were a loser, but I didn’t think you were that desperate.”
You turn to glare at him. “I don’t see your pathetic date anywhere.”
“She was talking too much for my liking.”
“Wow, what a gentleman you are.” You shake your head, eyeing his outfit up and down. “Looks like you didn’t put much effort into your appearance either, so she must not be that special.”
He smirks at your response, his eyes on your body as well. “I wouldn’t be saying anything with that tacky dress you have on.”
You hit him on the arm, anger filling you from his words. “You’re such a dick.”
“Ow!” Matt rubs his arm, his face scrunched up in pain. “Now I see why your date left you, you really are a brat.”
You huff in annoyance, beginning to wonder why you were even sitting here next to him. You stand up, picking your dress up from around your feet so you can step down the bleachers.
“Wait, hold on.” Matt says suddenly, wrapping his hand around your wrist to stop you from leaving.
You stop and look at him, your eyebrows raised in expectation. His fingertips burn into you and his eyes somewhat soften when you look into them.
“Fuck- my bad. I’ll stop, I promise.” he says, stopping you from leaving.
You’re surprised at his words and his fingers removed from around your wrist, when he sees that you’re not leaving, standing over him. He avoids eye contact with you while you stare at the side of his face, his hands now stuffed in the pockets of his suit pants.
His hair is longer now than it usually was, a middle part that showed more of his face and he wore a pair of earrings that you secretly liked. Despite your earlier comment, you also thought the suit looked really good on him. Matt had always had a good sense of fashion, but if anyone asked you, you would say his wardrobe is basic and unattractive.
“You better have a good reason for me to stay Matt because I’m starting to get tired and I just wanna go lay in my bed.” You tell him, waiting for him to say something, your arms crossed.
It’s then that he pulls a joint from his pocket, a mischievous look on his face.
“You can get stoned with me and relax for once in your life.” He says and you hesitate for a second before he stands up, and starts walking down the bleachers, motioning for you to follow.
You don’t know why, but your feet seem to have a mind of their own as you follow him, out of the gym and around the corner of the school. At this point you really had nothing better to do, even if it meant getting high with Matt.
He leads you to the football field across from the gym to the press box at the top of the stadium. You both sit inside, smoke starting to fill the small room as you and Matt pass the joint back and forth until it’s finished.
You both are actually engaged in a conversation that isn’t an argument for once and you find yourself giggling with him. Whether it’s because of the weed or because it’s prom night, you’re not sure.
You look at your phone, the time now almost midnight. “I should probably head home.” You say, getting ready to call your parents.
“Do you have a curfew?” Matt asks, a look on his face like he’s hoping you’ll say no.
“Not really…” you answer, setting your phone back down on your lap.
“Wanna go for a drive?”
✿
Matt watches with a smile as you as you catch your breath, laughing hysterically from his spot-on impression of Nick when he’s angry. You wipe the tears from your eyes, having laughed so hard you were crying. Your hair has fallen from the perfect curls you took extra time on earlier, the strap of your dress sliding down your left shoulder.
He realizes you have a nice laugh, not hearing it often since you’re always pissed off around him. You look beautiful, even more than you usually do, especially like this. The moonlight shines on your skin and he can’t help but stare at you until you catch him, and he looks away shyly, his heart starting to pound in his chest.
You’ve both been sitting here for the past 30 minutes, parked at the now empty neighborhood playground by your house. Matt had driven around for a while, even stopped to get McDonald’s, before he decided the night wasn’t over just yet and lit up another joint after your highs came down.
Now you both were absolutely shitfaced, having the most fun you’ve had in a while. It’s surprising how much you and Matt actually get along under the influence, probably because it calmed you both down enough to forget your stubborn tempers and just enjoy good conversation and laughter.
“Why didn’t you ever come hang out when Nick invited you over? I’m having a blast right now.” Matt says, leaning his seat back a little to relax.
“I think you already know that answer.” You reply, and your eyes trail down his body and the way it looks as he leans back. He removed his suit jacket when you guys were in the drive thru earlier, and the sleeves of his white dress shirt are rolled up, his tie loose around his neck.
“Come on, you can’t really hate me that much can you?”
You sigh, looking away from him and out the window. Of course, he’s oblivious to how much he would actually bother you.
“Are you really that clueless?” You ask and look back at him. His eyes are glazed over and slightly red but incredibly blue.
“When it comes to you… yes.”
You scoff and roll your eyes, ignoring his response while brushing a hand through your hair and picking it up off the back of your neck. “God, its hot in here.” You say and he watches as you move your hair and lean your head to the side, your lips parted. Your slender neck looks inviting, and he can see your pulse jump.
He rolls the windows down slightly, letting most of the weed smoke filter out. His eyes are still on your face and when you return his gaze, this time, he doesn’t shy away.
“What?” You ask, the look on his face makes you nervous. He licks his lips as he looks back and forth between your eyes and your mouth, his jaw clenching.
The smoke has cleared but the air feels incredibly tense now as you stare back. Soft music plays on the radio and the wind blows through the trees outside. You feel like you’ve been transported to an alternate reality, the turn this night has taken starting to not feel real.
“Has anyone ever kissed you before?” Matt finally speaks, his voice barely above a whisper.
You feel your face heat in embarrassment at his question. “Uh… n-no.”
You internally cringe at the way you stutter, and the corners of his lips raise slightly at the flustered look on your face.
His hand comes up to your jaw, his thumb lightly brushing over your bottom lip. “Can I be your first?”
It’s no question that Matt has always found you attractive, even though he’s never voiced his thoughts to anyone about it. The problem is, he doesn't like most people and when it came to you, he just couldn’t swallow his pride enough to let his guard down. It turns out you two are extremely similar and it made you butt heads constantly. So, instead of letting himself let someone in for once, he chose to dislike you and it had always been easier that way.
But the way you look tonight, the infectious energy he’s getting from you now that he’s been alone with you for more than 5 minutes, it has him feeling something he’s never felt before.
Electric sparks crackle through you from his light touch on your lips and you almost open your mouth to taste him. But you’re still incredibly nervous. You haven’t had your first kiss yet, your first anything yet but all your thoughts can repeat is yes, yes, yes. Please be my first.
You nod and he leans over the middle console, his hand now firmly holding the side of your face, his fingertips sliding into your hair. Your heart threatens to go into cardiac arrest as he slowly presses his lips to yours, as if you might break like fine china.
But once your lips are connected, your nerves start to disappear and are replaced with feelings of excitement. They mold together almost perfectly, as he kisses your bottom lip and then your top one, his thumb stroking over your jaw. It feels incredibly sweet and tastes like sugar.
He pulls away slightly, his face still hovering over yours. You make eye contact and put your hands on his chest, your fingers grasping his shirt collar, afraid he might move away from you. “How’s that feel?” He breathes, his voice coming out in a rasp.
“Amazing...” You reply and he bites his bottom lip, his pants tightening from the look of pure want in your eyes. Before he can say anything, you kiss him again, this time with hunger and it feels like you’ve done it a million times before.
You expected your first kiss to be awkward, maybe even a little embarrassing. But this is nothing like that, your body heating and heart racing at the feeling of his wet, warm mouth against yours. He leads the kiss, both hands now on your face, his tongue sliding against yours.
It has your panties growing incredibly wet under your dress, and your breathing rapid as you grasp the tie around his neck, pulling it so he can get even closer than he already is. And then, he moans into your mouth and the sound has butterflies erupting inside you.
You decide you need more and push him back a little, disconnecting your lips. He starts to protest but then immediately stops when you climb over the middle and straddle him in the driver’s seat.
Luckily, the van is spacious and you’re not too uncomfortable as you sit on his lap, your dress riding up on your thighs. He places his hands on your hips as you kiss him again, gripping the silk harshly.
You can feel how hard he is under you, and he groans when you unknowingly grind against him, your body moving faster than your mind can think.
“Don’t do that.” He pants, catching his breath and stopping your hip movements. His eyes are closed, his eyebrows scrunched together as if he’s in pain. Your hands are on his broad shoulders, and they dip into his dress shirt through his loose collar, running your palms over his skin.
“What’s wrong? Does it hurt?” You ask and you move your hips again, this time a little slower. The feeling of his clothed dick against you has sparked a feeling of need in you that you’ve never felt.
He shakes his head, throwing it back against the headrest, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard. His grip slightly loosens on your hips but still tight on your dress as he allows you to grind down onto him. Your head falls into the crook of his neck as you let the pleasure of your movements take over.
He lets his eyes travel down to his crotch where there’s a large wet spot forming on his pants from your arousal. “Fuck…” He moans aloud and his dick throbs from the sight. He lifts your dress slightly and sees the outline of your lacy red underwear, his hands moving to grope your ass.
You’re panting against his neck and start to place soft kisses on his skin, eliciting more groaning from him. You reach your hand down to his belt, starting to unbuckle it.
“Y/N.” He says, stopping your hips firmly now. The tone in his voice makes you pull your head up and he’s trying to keep his resolve from completely slipping when he sees the way your eyes are blacked out in lust.
“I don’t want to do this if you’re not ready.” He says, searching your eyes for any hint of fear. He honestly didn’t expect an innocent kiss to turn into this.
You should’ve said no. You should’ve stopped it then and there, should’ve asked him to take you home.
Should’ve.
Could’ve.
Would’ve.
“Matt, I want this so bad right now. Please.” You whine, arousal clouding your mind and the feeling of your body on his is something you can’t refuse.
He gives in, his eyes on yours as he unbuckles his belt, and you lift slightly so he can pull his pants down just enough to the middle of his thighs. He guides you back down on him, this time so you sit around his left thigh.
You’re a little confused but he wraps his arms around your back, one of his hands tangling into the back of your hair as he holds you against him. “Just relax. Grind on me like you were doing earlier, baby. You were doing so good.” He instructs and the way he calls you baby has your heart fluttering in your chest.
He kisses you, and you do as he says, the feeling of his thigh tensing under you making your body heat with arousal again. You moan slightly, as you slide over him. He then pulls your panties to the side, so you’re bare against him, and the feeling has you both gasping.
“Oh… my god.” You breathe, failing to kiss him back as you shamelessly moan his name. You feel a strong need inside you, and you let your body move against him fluidly, your wetness coating his thigh.
Matt knows what he’s doing. He knows it’s your first time and he wants you to be comfortable. Granted, the minivan might not be the classiest place, but he’s enjoying it if you are. He wants you to know what it feels like to have an orgasm all on your own (besides the help of his thigh) before he’s inside you. Before he absolutely ruins you.
You’re whimpering now, your hips picking up the pace as you chase a different kind of high. He feels incredible and you want to feel embarrassed at the way you’re getting off on his thigh right now but all you can think of is how good it feels.
“Fuck, you’re so wet..” he groans, his own eyes closing in pleasure at the way your pussy feels, slippery and warm on him.
“Matt…” You whine, and he presses his forehead to yours, his hands on your lower back, helping you ride him. “I know baby, let go. Its okay.” He says softly and the coil that’s been building for the past 20 minutes since he kissed you, finally releases and warmth floods your body. You moan loudly and feel yourself leaking on his thigh, your hips slowing down.
You’re out of breath as your movements stop, your heart still racing. “So good, baby. You did so good.” He whispers and you can see and feel how hard he is in his boxers, as your hands brush over him. He grabs your wrists before you can continue.
“Nuh uh.” He simply hums and lifts you up slightly. “Get in the back.”
The dominant tone in his voice causes butterflies again as you climb off him and into the back seat, laying down. He follows shortly after, unbuttoning his shirt so it’s completely open now and pulls his pants all the way off. He puts one arm above your head as he hovers over you, a dark look in his eyes.
His soft hand moves up your thigh, goosebumps erupting across your skin, and he pushes your dress up to your waist. Your red panties are stilled pulled to the side, the wetness from your previous orgasm coating you. He bites his lip, running his fingers through your folds. You gasp from the feeling, still a little sensitive from earlier.
“Let me know if you need me to stop, okay?” He says and you nod, gripping onto his bicep.
He spreads your legs a little further, your knees against his waist and pushes a single fingertip inside you, slowly easing his finger in. There’s a little discomfort at first but it’s quickly replaced with pleasure when he starts pumping it in and out of you. He adds another finger, and you whimper at the feeling, this being completely different from when you were riding his thigh.
“You okay?” he asks, continuing to slide his fingers in you. “God, yes.” You moan, closing your eyes to the feeling. He smirks at your response and the sound of your wetness has him buzzing with arousal. He’s been incredibly attentive to you and patient, and his boxers are suffocating his achingly hard cock.
Your hips start to buck, as you crave more, his fingers starting to hit a spongy spot in your walls, a slow fire spreading within you. He removes his fingers completely, pushing your hips down.
You pout at the loss of contact, and he chuckles, pulling himself out of his boxers. “Not yet, sweetheart. Be patient for me.” He says and your eyes travel down to where he spreads your arousal from his fingers on his cock, stroking a few times to coat it.
You heard he was big but had assumed they were just silly rumors. You were so wrong.
You continue to stare, and he guides himself to your entrance, his hand now forcing your head up to look at him. “Eyes up here, baby.” He says, a smug smirk on his face.
He places a hand on your waist, his other hand still against the window above you as he pushes the tip into you. It’s a little overwhelming, and you’re not sure how he’s even going to fit all of it in you, but his touch relaxes you as he rubs soothingly over your hip, going as slowly as he can.
He’s halfway in, the burning already starting to disappear as he soon eases all the way into you, and your eyes nearly roll to the back of your head as you clench around him, the feeling of him snug in your walls.
“So fucking tight…” He groans, his jaw clenched and squeezes a little harsher on your hip. He leans down closer to you, his arm coming to rest next to your head. He stays still inside you, letting you adjust.
“Matt.” You moan, your hands moving into his hair, tugging at the roots.
“Yes baby? You feel alright?” He checks.
“Yes. Please move.” You respond and he obeys your words gladly, pulling out almost all the way only to bury himself inside again. He makes slow, deep thrusts into you and the feeling has your head swimming, your thighs clenching around him, and your jaw dropped open slightly.
The feeling is indescribable, and he struggles to not cum inside you after only the first sixty seconds. That’s how good you feel around him, soaking wet and so tight.
The windows of the van are completely fogged, the air thick and hot. Your moans and whimpers are swallowed as he kisses you, his thrusts slowly picking up in pace. You both are speechless and there’s an unspoken realization between the two of you as your bodies move together in sync, your lips attached, breathing in each other’s air. The outside world has drifted away, the sweet bubble of pleasure and desire encasing you two.
“Matt.. I’m gonna cum again..” You warn, feeling the release build and build, your legs starting to shake.
“I know, Y/N. I want you to, please. Cum for me.” He responds and the movements of hips against yours are uneven now, his own release slowly crumbling. You cry out as you orgasm for the second time tonight, your walls clenching around him. He’s panting your name as he releases his seed into you at the same time, his fingertips leaving bruises on your hip.
“So fucking proud of you.” He murmurs, an exhausted smile on his face.
Mind shattering. Body numbing. Earth quaking, unforgettable sex. Nothing compared to it.
These are the memories flooding your mind as you sit on the leather couch, a cold drink in your hand, and your friend next to you, leaning over to talk into your ear over the loud music of the party. “No fucking way. Are you seeing what I’m seeing right now?” She says and you take a sip of your drink, nodding your head. “Yup.”
Matt stands at the other side of the large living room, laughing with Chris and Nick and a few other people. He hasn’t noticed you yet, but as you keep your eyes on him, it’s as if he can feel you staring. He turns his head in your direction and once he makes eye contact with you, his smile falls, and for a second, he almost looks upset, his eyes lingering on you.
And then he looks away, whispering something to Chris and walks off, towards the hallway.
Of course, he would run away as soon as he saw you. He’s pathetic.
In fact, you feel pathetic thinking you wouldn’t run into him here in Boston, his hometown. At a party one of your mutual friends is throwing no less. But still, you were hoping, no, praying that the one time you decide to leave your house and socialize, you wouldn’t see him.
And now your heart feels like it’s going to fall out of your ass, your head filled with old feelings you can’t escape. You hadn’t talked to Matt since that night, two years ago. You hadn’t even seen him since graduation. You avoided any video or clip of him that would come across your phone. You couldn’t bear to look at him.
You fucking hated Matthew Sturniolo. For many, many good reasons.
a/n: please dont come at me for making matt so mean in this one!! 😔 and if this flops ill be so sad lol i hope yall like it so far
taglist <3: (if you want to be added/taken off, reply to this post or comment on my masterlist. and if you weren't mentioned, it wouldnt let me tag u :/)
@sturniolopepsi @tillies33ssss @whicked-hazlatwhore @riasturns @christhopersturniolo @junnniiieee07 @sturnsjtop @seahorsie11 @inveigledvex @honestlyjb @mattslolita @certifiednatelover @glassesmattsbae @eryismum @sturncakez @sturnioloco @wh0resstuff @ribread03 @sturniololoco @75sturn
#Spotify#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo fanfic
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was watching another totk video and through that found out what the reward is for completing koltins quests, honestly im not really surprised but also baffled and it really just shows, once again, that totk kinda does exactly what you shouldnt do in a sequel imo.. double down on all the bad stuff of the previous title
at this point i have talked about various problems in detail but i just keep realizing over and over just how much of the wrong lesson they seemed to take from botw, they recycled almost everything from botw by changing some paint or some words, made a giant game even bigger and filled it with boring and tedious busy work that has mediocre to insulting rewards EVEN MORE than botw
game too big and empty? make it TWICE as big, change barely anything about the map of the previous title and the new added map(s) is ONE biom that almost everywhere looks the same and even emptier with little to do
too many krogs? MAKE IT MORE and double down on the literally shit reward bc its the SAME just with one more stack of shit
too many shrines with short puzzles? ADD EVEN MORE and make them even shorter and easier to complete, alot of them not even involving a puzzle and multiple being an utterly out of place tutorial that could have been explained to you in a single text box
rewards in the overworld being mostly either a krog or a shrine which gets repetetive with shrines being ALOT and krogs being wayyy too many? add even MORE shrines and EVEN MORE krogs, but now add over a hundred of caves to it that all get repetetive after just a few of them and you only do them for a shrine or a currency you have to collect to get one cool looking but pretty bad to use armor set and a piece of cloth for your parasail that you can only use one of at the tiem and to switch have to go back to a specific NPC, theres ghost lights to collect which only serve to yet again buy one armor set from a set of NPCs and ar meaningless afterwards, the light roots dont require you to do anything but walk to them and the reward for finding them all is a "you did it" sticker that doesnt even stick (its useless)
weapons break too quickly? well make the weapons you can find even worse to force you to fuse a material to it so its at all usable BUT IT STILL BREAKS and when it does it breaks not JUST the weapon but ALSO a material, materials that you will need for now EVEN MORE EXPENSIVE armor upgrades too, weapons cannot be rewards anymore either bc they will always have to be fused with something to make them stronger bc none is strong on its own- this also applies to THE MASTERSWORD, something ALSO complained about that it still 'breaks' even after empowering it through the DLC in botw, and now it cant even BE empowered (bc no DLC) unless you fuse soemthing to it (to. the. MASTERSWORD.) EVEN THO EMPOWERIGN THE MASTERSWORD IS THE ENTIRE POINT OF ZELDAS ULTIMATELY MEANING- AND CONSEQUENCELESS SACRIFICE !!
the dungeons were to samey and simple? make them look different but keep the core structure (activate terminals in completely seperate from each other "puzzles", fight boss) while also makign them be even more skippable (climable walls, the ceiling jump ability- something the titans DIDNT have) with incredibly easy bossfights that end with an embarassing copy and paste scene that hits you over the head with long known and obvious information over and over
people didnt like how the story was so detached from everything in the present? well, make the story and the present EVEN MORE detached from anything in the present, so far in fact that there is literally no connection to it aside from zelda who is the only connective thread and is also only treated as such (she is as personality lacking as sonia as soon as shes yoinked into the past) and the suddendly and out of nowhere intruduced architecture and history that wasnt a thing in botw but is treated like it was always there
people didnt like how far botw was detached from all other zelda games? ok totk is not only FURTHER detached from those it also completely detached itself from its on predecessor :)
people didnt like the memory system? ok make it WORSE then, its a linear story now that you can ruin by seeing even one out of order, they are super short and dont give you anymore context to anythign than the things you could figure out yourself or were already told really, instead of giving you views into a characters personality you get to view a basic plot summary of a story that is so flavorless and predictable i knew what would happen from the start yet acts like its being vague and cool that i felt like i was beign treated like a literal toddler
too few enemy types? well, we will reuse the old ones EVEN MORE thant before over twice the map and the new ones that are there are either utterlly irrelevant to change up the gameplay or largely feel like the old ones just with a paint job (constructs), the griocks looked cool at first but are just a more annyoing version of the lynels (who feel like an actual duel, akin to a proper boss)
even the things that were adressed, or attempted to, didnt fully work, like the bosses ARE more unique, but also still so incredibly easy and ALSO have multiple duplicats just sitting around in the underground despite them being supposedly the root of the problems of the regions (i like refighting bosses, but id rather have a character that lets me choose ok i wann fight this one again and teleporte me into a vision or sth- also the most fun fights arent even part of it (koga) )
the rain complaint got a new effect type to counteract it, which ... doesnt work well, you need specific materials to make potions with that effect which you also need to upgrade the only armor set wit hthat effect that ONLY works once you upgrade it (i think ... i dont know how high i got it but if even the full upgraded set doesnt negate the rain effect i will not be surprised either lol) also it adds just yet another effect type that spams your inventory and you dont really need .... or i might be the only one that saw no value at all in the "attack up when hot" new type of effects bc it felt so specific and situational while also having a way better option (just make it a standard attack up thing?) at least in my eyes-
... ill stop here .... this got longer again didnt it O-o
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rants#YET AGAIN#aaaaaaand i wasted all my evening#this was supposed to be a half joking short post#but i keep getting into ranting#hhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrraaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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funny thing about how i view the conflict in todays stream is that i view flame and wemmbu in very separate ways despite them doing essentially the same thing
in flames case:
i view his betrayal as ultimately a tragedy, their history all thrown aside due to a combination of wounded pride and genuine upset
if yall didnt see his chat for this stream it was actually really, really bad, like his chat is genuinely so fucking annoying oh my god and is a really good demonstration of why i think streamers should be mean to their chatters sometimes to so i actually wasnt at all surprised that he was so upset but i thought hed log off instead of acting out like this
he wanted respect but literally ruined the months long work of one of the few ppl that were willing to trust him over something that couldve been resolved if he just waited until september, but at the same time i can kinda understand why he was being so impulsive considering again his chat is Really bad, but at the end of the day that really shouldnt have been something you took out on one of your few allies like???? bruh even mocked zams storytelling as if he didnt do thee same shit as well 😭
honestly one of the reasons i was sad about his betrayal is cause it kinda sounded to me like he was genuinely about to cry at first??? maybe im just making shit up tho and he def stopped sounding like he was gonna cry after blowing up the spacewaffles tower lol
in wemmbus case:
i feel no pity for this man, he wanted conflict wherever he can get it and he got it! i think hes a lot like zam in that he just wants some attention and most importantly something to do but whatever happens to him next is his own fault lmao, i respect his honesty tho like hey he sucks but he knows what hes about at least lol
the fact that he still kept trying to get a commission from zam (or at least guilttripping him about it for lack of a better word) like bro i know you wanted to do a capitalism morality dilemma arc with zam but read the room my guy 😭
maybe hes at least a little mad that zam kept turning him away despite the fact he accepted a commission from mapicc of all ppl but like. bro. theres a reason zam called him a nightmare customer lmao
that being said you can tell hes not used to going this overboard considering he offered to help repair the tree when zam got upset lmao
idk i just thought his evilness was kinda funny, still hope he gets his shit kicked in spectacularly tho!
its funny, despite being acting like the shitty no reading comprehension version of abyss he gives me the exact same feeling of schadenfreude i did for minute back in s5 and i believe part of it is his mockery of lore and weird complicated dismissal of moral conflict particularly regarding zam
by weird complicated dismissal of moral conflict i mean both he and minute both tried to convince zam to see ''their side'' and ''reason'' but coming at it from an angle that completely misunderstands zam and when zam points it out they dismiss it and act like it means nothing because of their ''objective'' view of reality, spoiler alert! its not objective at all and they refuse to understand things from zams perspective cause they think hes just being unreasonable or something
idk overall i think their motivations for doing things are just kinda... shit lol
like ik theres some pretty obvious parallels that can be made with s5 here but the difference between the og players and flamebu aside from the lack of style and drama is that the og players waited several months before they started acting out the way they did and when they did start acting out tgey always made sure evryone who wanted to get involved Actually got involved rather than doing it while everyone was away plus their opps werent their own allies (except maybe pangi depending on how you look at it)
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penelope (or how the odyssey was really written)
the title do be giving ao3 lol. wasnt at all what i was expecting! had me cackling in places & clutching my pearls in others XD
being only 23 songs its pretty quick paced and gives you mere glimpses into penelopes perspective more than anything, but all in all very groovy and enjoyable (thoughts below and ofc spoilers lol)
love the prologue! stronk start :]
prayed very hard this wasnt going to take the direction i thought it was and it didnt thank god.
BARBERSHOP QUARTET SUITORS SENT MEEEEEE
its so funny omg, same vibes as the tavern folk from rapunzel :D
gagged a little tho theyre very delulu, almost as bad as paris lol
shes gonna be miiiiiiiiiiiiiine
the note pen hits at: not this hero that i dont know made me *ascend* (theres a point or two btw where it gets a little suggestive)
WHO TF IS DAPHNE
me @ antinuous: sang it girlfriend!!!!!! giggling so hard wtf
simba walked so antinuos could run fr, when im king is a bop lol
NOT THE ANTICLEA JUMPSCARE :')))))
telemachus being eager to smash the skulls of the suitors fearing the sight of blood above all is so funny to me. poor tele XD
it took me 8 songs to realise that this was a somewhat modern setting lol, selfie with the oracle of delphi caught me so off guard
THE ODY AND TELE BONDING WE ALL DESERVED!!!!
hilarious actually really enjoyed their dynamic (we need a plan)
ody had it coming to him. get his ass penelope
a cappella suitors have my heart lol
NOT THE BEE GEES REFERENCE AHAHAH
greek tragedy joke was a little on the nose lol
i love love love the idea that penelope just swam off (naiad muffin hell yeah) and ody swam after her, which if u take into consideration the trauma of 10 years at sea its a pretty significant gesture i think
LAST NOTE IS MAJESTIC AAAAAAAA
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idk its a very interesting twist on the narration and in all fairness far too short to really flesh anyone out, but for a penelope centric musical i was expecting something something a little more?
went to look the musical up and read a little more about it and found this gem. forget everything i said this renaissance painting suffices:
THE EMO, THE GIRLYPOP, ANTICLEA JUMPSCARE II. ITS PERFECT
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oh and also tiresias ate and left no crumbs lmao, all i could think of was a cover is not the book- esque performance so i had to draw it lol (sorry its awful)
its the letter from hell song, at 03:20 . do yall see the vision?
bonus emo tiresias, hes supposed to be wearing pomegrante themed accessories idk how obvious that is lol. eh enjoy :D
#the suggestiveness is mainly im not sure i remember how (song 21) for anyone who wants to skip :)#theres a moment or two sprinkled throughout as well. nothing graphic tho#penelope#penelope of ithaca#penelope the musical#i need to go back to work omg im so behind#i just had to inform the masses of this gem#not at all procrastinating. 👀#come get yall juice#lol#greek mythology#still dont know who tf is daphne#my art#tiresias#anticlea
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ive been turning these 2 around in my mind so so much lately... id like to share why i like them, so ill do so under cut :)
what draws them together? both of their traumas are part of them. neither of them are going to 'get better' in the expected way. they can learn to cope with their struggles, possibly get medications to help with that, but that's it. theyre similar in many things ('their trauma isnt leaving', both are suicidal "feeling suicidal/i wish i wasnt alive" "i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL"), neither like who they are as people "all the pretty girls make me not wanna be me" "do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?") and both of their songs are about their relationships with other people, even if its not the main theme
weevildoing said this about disposable girl. with chemical girl, its more obvious
this gives them both a deeper understanding of each other !! even though their traumas are still different, theyve got this similarity. they could talk about that, relate to each other, etc...
another thing that draws them together: their interests, id say! she was a skater girl she was a fitness girl, can i make it any more obvious... most of their hobbies arent the exact same, but they are at least in a similar vein id say - anime and gundam, skating and fitness, rap and megan thee stallion. they could easily enjoy each other's interest, i think!:)
what stands in the way? misunderstanding and miscommunication. i think that (when theyre first getting to know each other, at least) disposable wouldnt stand up for herself/tell chemical when shes uncomfortable/when chemical says something that upsets her ("being mistreated would at least mean im real" "that at least means youre someone that they wanna be around"). she'd feel like voicing these things would cost her her and chemical's relationship. i also feel like she wouldnt see this as something worth communicating, possibly
thatd be a problem in all relationships ofc, but itd upset chemical girl especially. she has a hard time forming relationships ("i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know?"). she pushes others away so that she cant hurt them ("theres no point in getting close, leave me alone"). i think that if she and disposable got close, and she found out that it isnt communicating its feelings, shed be upset !! yknow ?? thinking that youve finally found a friend that likes you as you are, when in reality ur just hurting them with everything that you say... getting close to someone for the first time in forever, opening up, just to find that out would probs frustrate her
have an example of smth that i think that would happen when theyre first getting to know each other
i think they'd communicate this eventually tho:) yay yippee! im communication and im understanding🏳️🌈the girlfriends
what are their good traits? they want to be there for each other, to help each other grow, to understand one another!! like in "what draws them together?", they understand each other more than the average person. they could help each other accept this - like, its easier to accept people for things that you beat yourself up about, yknow? were more strict with ourselves than other people, its easier to deem someone else as deserving of love than yourself, etc etc... since theyre similar in many things, they could learn to love themselves while they start to love each other !! i hope that makes sense..
them sharing hobbies would be SOOO so cute!!! chemical teaching disposable fitness so that she has an outlet for her frustration, disposable teaching chemical how to skate... chemical showing it gundam, her figurine collection, disposable showing her anime, them listening to rap together.... it would be so cute !!!!! i think disposable would enjoy fitness, but would be embarassed by being bad at it/being slow/sweating a lot/etc. chemical would be cheering her on, proud of her for the smallest improvements... likewise, i think chemical would suck at skating. steps on the skateboard and it explodes. u know how it is
what makes them hopeless at romance? ARGHHH "what to do, when everybody that ive loved has only up and left me?" "im alwasy left out of everything" "nobody fuckinf wants me" vs "theres no point in getting close, leave me alone" "i dont think you should come by my place tonight" "nobody can keep up with me"... need i say more...
i think they should latch onto each other like leeches and never let go
thank you if youve read this far:) theyre so everything to me !!!! theyre sooo... god... shaking them!!!! arghrrrr!!! chemwaste!!! save me chemwaste!!!
(both of these poses are from mellon_soup)
#mystuff#tptm#the post traumatic manifesto#disposable girl#chemical girl#shipping#tptm chemwaste#💣chemical girl💣#🗑disposable girl🗑#myart#fanart#💣chemwaste🗑
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I saw your “enter my ask box” post and i love tsams so i shall ask something a bit vague, and i get kind of obvious, but what do you think about sun being so broken over killing Nexus? I mean, i get he was pretty much Sun’s brother, but i feel like Sun’s reaction was a lot more intense then when he’s killed/lost other Moons + his other family, but its been a while since Ive watched so i could be wrong.
*spinning around in circles* i have many thoughts
honestly id say its very understandable. his reaction is probably more intense bc it was a direct kill compared to others either having him be uninvolved or him only perceiving he did it. when old moon died it was an accident though he still blamed himself. he still had a reaction tho it was more... subdued? kinda like he was forcing himself to not react as intensely.
with nexus it was a direct kill that he did with his own hands. there is no way to tell him that it wasnt his fault bc, by technicality, it was his fault nexus died bc he was the direct cause. i feel as tho theres a difference between killing someone with your bare hands and making a mistake that led to someones death. yes, he was forced, but it was still him who pulled the trigger. thats probably why hes reacting so intensely. he didnt just come home to find out his brother died but instead he watched it. he caused it.
this isnt me blaming sun at all. i dont blame him for any deaths bc he was either coerced or it was an accident. im just saying that, imo, theres a difference between an accident and doing it yourself
#birdcage rambles#answering asks#sun and moon show#sams#the sun and moon show#tsams#tsams sun#tsams nexus#waow. me posting about tsams? wild ik#dont get used to it/j#i swear im still here ive just. been consumed by ultrakill
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bi pony hcs!!!
bi pony truthers wya
•ill say he has more of a male lean but it doesnt come OFF as romantic, more like an admiration
•he did think he was gay at some point for a bit bc he would only have interest in dudes, but turns out, he does like girls, thing was he just didnt meet a girl he personally liked romantically enough at that time
•he did have moments of doubt about being gay tho, w some girls in school he would have tiny crushes on em but he thought that wasnt rlly enough???? to say that he LIKED like girls, he didnt wanna “jump the shark” so he just thought he was gay
•i will always bring up jfk being his first guy celebrity crush its so funny to me
•first girl crush we can say is marilyn monroe but first girl crush on someone like he knew personally, we can say cathy, y not
•if not cathy and u were feelin a lil frisky, it could b angela, y not, but it wasnt like a “WOW I WANNA DATE HER!!!!” thing like a “shes really pretty” and he thinks about her here n there and maybe blushes a bjt, but it never goes farther than that, its a small crush he doesnt rlly think about often anymore, he will NEVER admit it, especially to curly (for obvious reasons, hes takin that to the grave)
•the shirt pony was wearing was like a lavender shirt and lavender has constantly been used for lgbt resistance, and i feel like pony will always think about that a lot, like a “damn so i rlly did look kinda gay” thing, lmao
•curly would use queer both as an insult but also to describe himself and pony picked up doing the same, USING IT TO DESCRIBE HIMSELF, not using it as an insult😭😭
•pony doesnt feel romantic attraction the way that others do, ig u could say hes aromantic??? or something along the lines, but eh, thats up to u, ANYWAYS, it was curly who fell first, it takes a while for pony to develop feelings but w curly his emotions can just form when he sees u, love at first sight could happen w to him, POINT IS, ponys feelings for curly came WAYYYY later let that b known
•ok look,,, if we rlly wanna get into the 60s, i think pony thinking that hes gay scared him more than him finding out he was bi, bc he could “really hide that he was gay and didnt have to force himself into a marriage”
•the way he saw it was that if he was gay, he’d have to push himself into a straight relationship, but when he found out he was bi, he felt like he could actually find a girl and have a girl he has a genuine romantic connection w and have a “real marriage”, so that relieved him
•that all fell apart once he gets w curly tho LMAOOOO
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okay here goes nothing please dont be mad at me for this afterwards
i am so fucking tired of feeling left out in every. single. friendgroup. i'll ever have.
i just cant stop thinking "what if they hate me secretly" "they probably laugh behind me" "they probably talk about how annoying and stupid i am when im not there" and this one is pretty stupid but "what if they have another groupchat that im not in and they talk there all day and thats why they never talk to me" i know people said it a million times but i really cant stop thinking like this.
(you have every right to be mad for this part its not even a big thing why am i sad over this)
just today a new friend of mine decided to co peletely ignore my existence and talk with another friend of hers, and thats okay, really, she has other friends and i have other friends aswell, its okay. the thing is i went to her class to talk to her and she just walked beside me, exitted her class and went to mine to talk with her another friend. i know im short but like she shoul've seen me right? i dont know this feels so stupid when i say it out loud
then theres the server, dont get me wrong please i love every one of you so much its just im not active 24/7 and that makes me feel left out. there are certain people who are active all day or people that are loved by everyone and even if they wont answer for days everyone is always having fun with them, i know im not the best friend a person can ask for but i'm really trying my best and i just want to be loved the same amount as i love people, do i really want so much? its really stupid, really, but fuck it no one would probably even see this so fuck it we ball
today when the staff was talking about if we should invite someone or not, everyones opinion was asked, the people that didnt respond were tagged, but i wasnt. this is really really stupid but it just made me feel horrible, like i didnt matter
yeah i know its pretty stupid.
im just too scared that people will lost interest in me one day and i'll just be forgotten, ignored, not important anymore. im so scared we will have a huge fight over something stupid i said and never talk again, then after a few months someone will mention my name and people will just say "we were friends once, never liked her anyways"
i know its really stupid its just how i feel
i fucking hate my attachment issues. i spam people a lot amd then get sad when they dont respond, and i dont even know why i do it myself
im just an obsessive idiot whos always scared of people leaving her. but i never realize how annoying and stupid i sound and then i get sad when they leave me, even tho the signs were super obvious that we were drifting away
im sorry this is stupid i dont need any help i just needed to scream to the void
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