#tho I suppose I keep my posting of them to myself a lot… I’ve still gotten to meet some very cool friends hehe

[lion-buddy]

happy one year of being real guys. prim and puka have had a huge impact on me and continue to bring me lots of happiness, and I’m glad I get to share that excitement with other ppl. stay cool guys

[manicsweetheart707]

This has been a pretty harsh month for me, that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to make it a good one, if I could describe this month I would say that I’ve been pushing myself through it, I’m doing my best to not let the negative thoughts get to me.

Trying out new things is not always the easiest thing to do, but it's part of growing up; I wanna keep growing as a person and I think being aware of shit that happens to me, of my thoughts, even if they're not always positive will help me in that process, because I want to fall in love with life, and loving something implies loving the pretty and the ugly.

I really don't wanna do this alone, the growing uo thing, and maybe you reading this don't want to either, so maybe if I start posting these monthly recaps we can help one another to feel company in some sort of way, with time this will evolve to fit each other's needs ig.

Tennis

This month I started to workout like fully, last month I began taking tennis classes but skipped a lot of days due to me being depressed, that made me feel pretty stupid because I payed for those classes, the economic situation is not good enough for me to be wasting money in classes I’m not taking y’know?

I switched my classes from tuesday and thursday to wednesday and friday, and I feel it has helped me in keeping consistency a lot better, my mom’s also been the one taking me to class because I’m fucking stupid and it made me panic not finding anywhere to park my car so I ended up directly not going to class, I know that sounds so stupid but I tend to take those kind of situations as an omen that something is going to go not according to plan and that I’m gonna fuck something up, so yeah-

Chloe Ting

Besides tennis classes this month I also started Chloe’s 2024 summer shred challenge; I figured it would’ve helpful for losing weight and helping me build endurance for tennis, it’s not the first time I try to workout from home with youtube or something, but it is the first time I actually feel comfortable doing it in a sense that I haven’t given up and I don’t plan on doing it, even if I’ve been too depressed to do shit I haven’t skipped any days, I think the fact that the app has like a nice percentage indicator motivates me to keep going.

Maybe doing both tennis and Chloe’s routines in my current physical state is not ideal since I’ve been feeling a bit nauseous this past days, but I am doing it either way because I’m not giving up, I am a strong bitch and can do whatever I set my mind to.

I am not in a good mental state right now, the crippling feeling of how everything I do is wrong and everything I touch gets all fucked up is coming back strongly, even tho I’m doing shit that’s supposed to help me emotionally, they say that working out releases endorphins right? I drink a lot of water and been trying to keep myself distracted with other activities to stop myself from overthinking, but nothing really seems to work, the loneliness is a constant reminder of how fucked I am and how little value I have in other peoples lives. And I know that if I keep telling myself just how fucking awful I am I’m just gonna end up pushing people even further with my negativity. Loneliness is like a crater, sometimes no matter how much you scream no one is there to hear you, and the times there’s someone your throat is just too sore to let them know you’re there, and sometimes when you find a ladder you feel oh so scared of what’s outside to climb up, it’s really fucking difficult man.

My vacations are sadly over, although I only have 2 classes this whole semester I still feel a bit anxious about going back to uni, it’s a mix between the people and the work, I’m usually pretty work focused while I’m at uni so I don’t give myself enough chances to be friendly with people (adding to that the social anxiety), this semester I need to work on my degree proyect/thesis/whatevs and that makes me oh so nervous I really want to give it my best and don’t fuck it up.

There’s people I don’t like in my trademarks class, I don’t think they’re bad people, but their voices annoy me, which ig makes me a bad person, but I can’t help it they’re too loud and speak too fast and talk with so much confidence over topics they don’t know shit and that annoys me. I’m being a bitch, I’m sorry.

I find it particularly scary having to build a portfolio, and begginning the whole working thing, although I hate my current state of living I do like having my own time and bedrotting whenever I feel like it, growing up is so fucking scary isn’t it.

It’s a terrible idea to replace a bad habit with another bad habit, and this month is the month I’m trying to get skinnier, so I’ve been working out, starting a diet, taking laxatives, and most importantly cutting sugars; that has been really hard for me and I think it didn’t help that much to the darkness I was feeling the first half of the month. I am aware is a terrible idea, for a while whenever I got sugar cravings I used to light up a vanilla incense stick and hope for the best but it really didn’t helped, and since I discovered that mints do have calories and shit I don’t really want to eat them no matter how much I love them. So I thought a solution to my problems could be vaping, I can’t get fatter from it can I? I bought a blueberry one, I do enjoy it I think, I like that is minty and I’ve always been a huge fan of candles, incense, that type of stuff, I feel like I’m in some sort of way eating a candle. It does make me feel a bit guilty because I am pretty aware of how awful nicotine is, and that vapes are far worse than a cig, and also that my mom has asthma yet here I am probably fucking up my lungs, but I think right now, currently, it makes me feel even guiltier to actually eat sugar.

✦ Keep losing weight and being consistent with my workouts

✦ Progress as much as possible on my degree project

✦ Reorganize my notion

✦ Set up a dating app profile maybe?

c u next month!!

xoxo, mani

[bubbytheliverstealingskeleton]

Heyoo Hellooo

I use thon/thons & neos, but they/them is also okay (neos are preferred tho)

My names Bubby but honestly you could call be anythin

I’m a chill guy I think. maybe. kinda. Most of the time I think

I do art, writing, comics, other stuff- I technically can call myself a multimedia artist because a do a lot of stuff with a lot of different materials but idk it also just feels way to fucking formal for like tumblr, all you need to know is I do a bunch of stuf

epic pronouns page -- > my other neos

Im also in the process of making my own website for like a personal portfolio but its no where near done yet. I'll update this with its link when it is actually done

Also

This is my personal blog, I’m still making an art only blog for my stuff but currently it’s not fully set up or anything so I’ll update this when I do have one

I do have a nsfw-ish blog tho, also still setting that up but it won’t be trapped in limbo like the art blog I just gotta theme the bastard

Table of contents I suppose

My Tags

DNI/BYF

Main/Special interests + sub catagories + favorite little guys/ships in each

My oc shit

Au's for all my fandoms

Anything else to be added

My tags:

- #my art, my artwork n doodles, all that stuff

- #my projects, for random projects I have

- #bastard can talk, my talking/rambling tag

- #bastard of a skeleton, my sona/me

- #Bitching to my crowd of jesters, my venting/bitching tag

- #webtrinkets, my little collection of web things that I’ll prolly put on my website

- #keeping this for later, things I’m keeping for later/ later use

- #.wip, tag for my WIPs

- #.headcannons, for my headcannons

- #.ask, ask tag

- #fave, favorite things, I’ll go back through my reblogs sometime and put more in there eventually

- #boomer/#hlvrai boomer, the boomer tag is for things I’ve reblogged that are the boomers, hlvrai boomer tag is for my art I’ve done of them

Block any of these if you want

DNI

[Do not Interact]

- basic dni [pedos, racists, generally against LGBTQIA+, bigots, y'know]

- assholes

- not saying anything about proshipping because like idk man I ain’t touchin’ any of that shit, pro or anti, or any of that drama with like a fucking 300 foot pole. If I don’t like you I’ll block you simple as that I don’t care who you are or your stance or any of that shit

Again not touching it with a fucking 300 foot pole not even pokin’ it

BFY

[Before you follow]

little warning before you follow me:

- I don't tag most things I reblog so there wont be trigger or content warning tags on them, its my house I chill here uh sorry. I do tag trigger and content warnings on things I post myself.

- I mass reblog things a lot

- also to go with the above, this is not just an art blog. This is my personal blog I use for everything so if you follow me for art only you uhh might not want to. You will see me complaining and randomly doing shit

- I reblog and occasionally post nsfw. I dont post porn (also technically against tumblr rules or smthin idk man I rarely ever draw it anyways) but there is artistic nudity, some of my reference sheets have nude base bodies with tits 'n junk, any suggestive stuff will be going on the nsfw blog + some darker stuff Im too much of a pussy to post here

- I have certain ships and things I like, if you don't like them then be wary I guess just, like, don't be an asshat about what I like

- I generally don’t check blogs of people who follow me unless you look like a bot. Don’t look like a bot and you don’t get blocked.

- I will say I block freely and will block for any reason but that’s normally if I like find you in the wild. Like. In a tag or on my dash or smthin. Again I generally don’t block if your just looking at my shit

- To go along with that I used to/am kinda in fandoms or watching the media that is attached to them. Such as DSMP or Hazbin Hotel, those two for examples because they specifically are like in so many fucking dni lists I see and also because they do appear on my fandom list [they have explanations attached tho]

Main/Special interests in order + sub categories:

+ my favorite little guys and my ships

Minecraft

- MCYT: Minecraft YouTubers

- MCSM: Minecraft Story Mode [Ivor, Soren, Aiden, Petra, Romeo, Isor [ivor x soren], Jestra [Jesse x Petra], lukden [Aiden x Lukas], [Romeo x Fred], theres also probably other ones]

- HC: Hermitcraft [Grian, Mumbo, Iskall, Xisuma, EX, Grumbot, Grumbo [Grian x Mumbo], Architects [Grian x Mumbo x Iskall], Hex [Hels x EX] treating everyone as characters, im not shipping the cc’s together]

FNAF: Five Nights at Freddy's [Michael Afton, Nightmare Foxy, Music Man]

- DSAF: Dayshift at Freddy's [Dave, Jack, basically the main cast of DSAF 3 because they are all awesome, davesport [dave x jack[oldsport]]]

FO: Fallout

- FNV: Fallout: New Vegas + its cut content [Benny [Gecko], Dr. Mobius, Yes Man, Victor, Yesvic [Yes Man x Victor], Bencade [Benny x Arcade Gannon], Kingcade [Arcade Gannon x The King], Benny x The Courier]

- FO4: Fallout 4 [unfortunatly][not really][It was the first fallout game I played I still love it][my own copy is fucked up by mods tho] [Paladin Danse, Nick Valentine, Danse x Sole Survivor, Nick x Sole, Danse x Nick, Danse x Nick x Hancock]

Ninjago [Lord Garmadon, Morro, Lloyd [specifically like the first 5 seasons for lloyd and first 4 for garmadon], i-its- my ninjago ships are complicated and all interwoven for the most part so heres the simple ones, emperor garmadon x vinny, past!Garmadon x Clouse, Pythor x Scales, Greenflower [lloyd x brad] but in a queerplatonic way]

HLVRAI: Half-Life but the AI is Self Aware [This isnt under HL1 because I veiw these two as different things][All of the cast is great but specifically: Dr. Coomer, Bubby, Boomer [Bubby x Coomer], Goomby [Bubby x Coomer x Gman], Gubby [Bubby x Gman], and like a complicated polycule between Tommy, Gordon, Benry, Forzen, and Darnold]

HL1: Half Life 1 [Walter/Glasses model, Einstein Model, Gman, Headcrabs, Houndeyes, Snarks]

- OF: Opposing Force + BS: Blueshift [Adrian Shephard and Barney Calhoun despite being technically silent, BS: Walter, In my heart I believe that my solider oc Carol is cannon in every variation of hl media, she is the radio operator you find in OF that's radioing the instructions you hear in HL1 during the airstrike puzzle]

- HL1 Beta [the earlier models are all funny little guys]

- USS Darkstar

- FM: Freemans Mind [Gordon Freemind is really the only guy here but I do like him]

- generally a lot of HL1 related stuff [sorry hl2 fans but I like this ones gameplay and style more]

- GF: Gravity Falls [Stanley, Fiddleford/Old man McGucket, Standford, Bill I guess, all of the cast is great but my favorites are mostly the old guys, Fiddlestan [Fiddleford x Stanley], Fiddauthor [Fiddleford x Stanford], Billford [Bill Cipher x Stanford], no idea what their ship names are > Dipper x Pacifica + Mabel x Pacifica]

specifically 90’s, 80’s, and 50-60’s Sci-Fi

space, Ocean creatures

Other things that I’ve been interested in, in the past + not main/special interests:

Genloss

BATIM: Bendy and the Ink Machine [Sammy Lawrence, Norman Polk/The Projectionist, Alice Angle/Susie Cambell, Henry Stein, Sammy x The Projectionist, Alice x Allison]

HL2: Half-Life 2 [Barney Calhoun, Isaac Kleiner, Lamarr, Kleiner x Eli Vance but in a sad way]

THSC: The Henry Stickmin Collection

TF2: Team Fortress 2

Titanfall 2

Ultrakill

Trollhunters

UT: Undertale

HH: Hazbin Hotel - I fixated on Hazbin Hotel for a time but it was only because I really wanted to redesign them and I kinda wanna know what happens in the show im sorry dont fucking dogpile me im just curios

DSMP: Dream SMP - also Dream SMP back in 2021, I don’t generally interact or have anything to do with this fandom anymore and don’t really care I’m just trying to make a comprehensive list of my fandoms

DBH: Detroit Become Human - this is also another controversial one, I don’t interact with the fandom, I’ve never played the game, and I understand the criticisms for it, I just like the characters and the idea the plot was attempting

Again please don’t be a dickwad to me about fandoms/content I’ve liked or enjoyed before if you don’t like it then just like Leave??? You don’t go up to random people in the street and insult them for liking something just cause you overheard them talking about it like with a friend or someshit

My oc shit:

I don’t have all of these tagged or anything and I’ve not even uploaded stuff for some of these yet

TOW - The Ocean Waves to Me Outside the Windows - my main oc story that I’m trying to turn into a comic, it’s Sci-fi merpeople, mostly

Abbreviation: TOW

Tag: #The Ocean Waves to Me Outside the Window

——

Mincera Universe - Minecraft but it’s space and planets, TOW, DS, +EXDS takes place inside this universe, once I actually post stuff the Mincera tag will be on all stuff in the universe

No abbreviation right now

Tag: #Entire Mincera Universe

——

DS - Dead Stars - Minecraft space but focased on an Enderian runaway royal and their experiment criminal boyfriend

Abbreviation: DS

Tag: #Dead Stars

——

TKC - To Kingdom Come - My other main oc story with also happens to be Minecraft which revolves around the two protagonists Akki and Lucie except one of them is also an antagonist

Abbreviation: TKC

Tag: #To Kingdom Come

——

GDLT - Guarding Dogs Lose Themselves - Consisting of Lost Dog, Dog Tags, and Dog Fight, it’s my main fallout 4 oc’s, RT/Paladin Rattail’s, backstory

Abbreviations: GDLT, LD, DT, DF

Tag: #Guarding Dogs Lose Themselves

——

ATKTH - Ain’t that a kick in the head - Consisting of How Lucky Can One Man Be and Ain’t Love a Kick in the Head, aka my fnv courier Coon’s story n stuff

Abbreviations: ATKTH, HLM, ALK

Tag: #ATKTH

——

RR - Ram Rot - my stupid little silly little edgy mostly robot guys Altern and Thrasher, little sex bot and War bot guys I made entirely for fun and then proceeded hit them with the angst beam

Abbreviation: RR

Tag: #Ram Rot

——

MG - Murderous Ghosts in Abandoned Apartments - my freshmen year English creative writing assignment in which was supposed to revolve into a slow burn story but idk when I’ll pick it back up

Abbreviation: MG

Tag: #MG

——

OH - Oleader/Hex/My little guy in VSMP - My little guy for a server I play on, they’re a little mooshroom ex god

Tags: #Oleader/Hex, #VSMP

——

EXDS - Extended Dead Stars - it’s just extra DS content from different characters, specifically the only story is revolving around a mer guard named Scourge, and a Vex named Torvus, this stuff is also set in Mincera

Abbreviation: EXDS

Tag: #EXDS

SGM - SciGM - Silly Sci-Fi gmod story I made, I’ll probably make this into a few little comics

Abbreviation: SGM

Tag: #SciGM

More oc stuff to be added in the future, also once I finally post stuff about my ocs, because I am notoriously bad at it, I’ll attach links to the tags

My Aus

This is mostly for tag abbreviations I guess

HLVRAI:

HLVRAIMM: Hlvrai Monster Mash - Halloween guys/ they’re all monsters/creatures

Rotting Code/Rot: code is fucked up and rotting and like game not doin so goodly

HL2au: hl2 au which technically came before the teaser but I revamped it afterwards, fucked up dr Coomer final boss

Alien science team: They all alien boys

Gravity Falls:

5 years late au: Stanley is 5 years late to Gravity Falls

This baby is so much still under construction but I cannot for the life of me remember what else I wanted to put here so yeap this is the end of it

I’ve left this fuckin post in the drafts too long now so it’s gettin posted

I’ll finish it later

[lovvecherrymotion]

sending you all the strength to complete your tasks the power of procrastination must be defeated ✨

i actually don’t consider myself a fic writer, i’ve only written like 3 fics in the span of 4 years i think? (one in another fandom, a jance fic and a bojere fic) the bojere one being the one i’m currently working on since it’s multi-chaptered. they’re all anon tho, ofc i’m too scared to share them openly 😭 but sometimes i have an idea that won’t leave my head and if no one is gonna write it then i might just do it myself haha, even if not in the best quality

i’m currently watching an italian show but i really want to start the last season of young royals, i haven’t had the time yet and i’m surprised that i managed to dodge all the spoilers:)) do you watch any shows now?

- 💌

thank you so much, bby ✨ i've just watched the latest jo interview and now i'm going to get some work done before lunch

if you've written any fic, you're a ficwriter to me! i don't even write that much myself, even though i've been doing it for nearly 20 years now (i mean, i do write a lot more than what people probably expect, but a lot of it isn't posted and/or finished. i'm very critical about my own work and i hate posting stuff i don't think is as good as it could possibly be so... the worst part is that when i revisit it, it actually doesn't sound too bad and i was, once again, just being too harsh). sorry, haha, didn't mean to rant about this 😭

aww, i understand that as well. i actually started posting under a new username, not connected to my main acc/any social media because i wanted it to be as annonymous as possible (but at this point it's not that secret anymore 😅). but it's amazing you're posting them, regardless if it's anon or not!!

also, bojere, you say? i haven't been reading as much bojere lately (jance brainrot too strong) but i'm still very much interested in it 👀 can't wait to see what you come up with! if you ever need to talk about it, i'm your girl - even if it's just "hey, bojan and jere are being silly they were supposed to kiss 4k words ago but it hasn't happened"

(i wonder if i read your jance fic as well... i've been a little behind on reading and commenting but i've read pretty much everything that's been posted for them atp 😭)

ALSO!! that bit about an idea not leaving you alone so you have to write it!! so true. tbh half the stuff i write is exactly because of that so... write whatever you actually want to read. and i'm SURE it's amazing, please!! be nicer to yourself, anon 💕💕

i started young royals last year but then never got around to finishing it. i did enjoy the bit i watched, it just wasn't the right time - my brain does that thing where it only allows me to watch stuff under very specific conditions lmaooo. only show i am actually watching rn is 911, but i'm waiting for a few other shows i like to come back.

sorry, this turned into an essay. again. it'll keep happening, i'm afraid. here's some bojere as a treat 💚

[chaoswitchgrimoire]

I lost my grimoire, and decided to remake it from scratch. I can’t afford a new leather bound notebook right now, so I figured tumblr was as good a place to compile random information as any. This blog is mostly for me, but anyone can feel free to read it, whether it’s for witchcraft purposes, just learning about witchcraft, inspiration, or even just reading it like you would a fantasy novel lol. I don’t care who reads or follows, just be respectful of beliefs and be a kind human. I won’t be posting my shadow work to this blog, since that’s deeply personal, but my digital grimoire will be a collection of my own beliefs, practices, spells, and observations. If I use the wrong tags, just let me know and I’ll change them.

Info about me for context, I suppose:

I am a chaos witch (duh). I’ve been practicing witchcraft since late 2021. I am Pagan (VERY new to it tho, so still figuring it out). I am a middle worker (someone who works with angels and guides to learn and do good as well working with your inner child or “shadow” in order to heal), but at the moment I’m mostly focusing on shadow work. My practice spans just about everywhere in my house, and I am neurodivergent so my practice is all over the place and very sporadic. I’m also a pyromaniac, so I burn a lot of candles and incense. I might even make a post dedicated to some of the incense I use and what I use it for.

That’s it for my little intro, I think. I’m gonna have a sort of post masterlist/table of contents to help keep myself organized here:

[ironmandeficiency]

I’m so happy that you’ve met someone! He seems great if he’s willing to stay on the phone for a whole night, lol. Most guys I’ve come across don’t care. 😂

This could be far-fetched and completely random, but do you have any advice for moving on from an ex who wasn’t the greatest? I just got out of a long-term relationship, and it’s been rough. Thank you for your advice!

{ Sincerly an Anon visitor who’s too shy. 🫣 }

honestly dude i’m still baffled as to how i got so lucky with him 🥰🤷🏻‍♀️ i won’t question it tho bc i don’t wanna tempt the universe into messing with me

and when it comes to exes, i have plenty of those i had to forget over the years. my tried and true methods below have gotten me thru some ✨messy✨ breakups & i hope they help you (this got super long lol, the tips are under the cut)

erase their pictures from EVERYTHING. not just your phone’s camera roll, but from every social media and google photos (if you use it). if your phone has it, don’t forget to clear them from the recently deleted folder in your photos

if you have physical pictures of them, destroy them in a way that brings you catharsis - fire is my favorite method but you can be as creative as you want!

whatever items of theirs that are still in your possession/things they gave you during the relationship can either be given back, repurposed/sold, or even destroyed (again, creative catharsis!)

surround yourself with supportive people who want better for you. this is pretty self-explanatory, i think. i’ve had the “am i really worthy of love?” debate with myself post-breakup more than once, and it isn’t easy to remember that you are indeed worthy when everything hurts. if you need a friend thru this, let me know either thru asks or dm’s!

don’t dwell on what went wrong or what they said you did wrong. it’s not going to change what happened but it will hurt your feelings & cause self-doubt. their opinions about you are now null and void

rebounds aren’t a good idea and never have been. it takes time for you to heal, and jumping straight into someone else does nothing but amplify your hurt & pass it to someone else

do some ✨witchcraft!✨ a solid cord cutting ritual helped me heal a lot during my last breakup (i can teach you if you’re interested)

look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are a bad bitch!! you don’t need a relationship to be a whole person. a partner is supposed to complement you, not complete you

playlists! make or find one that makes you feel strong and independent and happy and keep that shit on a loop

i’m sending you all the healing vibes, dude!! let me know if you need anything at all 💕

[rahleeyah]

I’ve been away from tumblr for a while, did you always have a gf?!

Re the EO of it all, the reason ppl catastrophize, include me, at every little thing, is because there is little to no movement. When C first came back I was like relax, things are moving along, then they abruptly stopped giving us anything, no EO no movement, no progress for 3 seasons now. I’m tired. Only saving grace is that I don’t really watch OC, and I’m enjoying SVU this season.

LMAO no not always, we've been together a few months 🤣

So the thing is I understand why people catastrophize, I said in my post I'd been doing it myself, for some of the reasons you mentioned. I never said that people shouldn't express disappointment or concern (I expressed my own frustration in that post several times) and I never like. Passed a judgment on anyone for responding in any kind of way. I was asked my opinion and I gave it. I think everybody knows why we and others are frustrated by this, I think there's been plenty of posts on that topic. I don't want you to think you have to defend your position, when in part I agree with it.

The thing is, if all I ever thought about was how the show isn't doing what I want then all the joy I derive from it would be gone, and I would simply stop watching. Life is too short for me to actually be hurt by a TV show. If I genuinely only felt resentment I would stop. But I haven't, bc I don't feel that way.

what I am doing, all the time, is evaluating what we have been given, what we can reasonably expect, what I can do with what we have been given, and whether at the end of the day it still makes me happy. This is work I am doing for me; other people will do things their own way and it's not up to me to tell them what to think or get upset when we're not in lockstep.

When I am asked about my perspective my answer is going to be based on those four questions above. This a network copaganda series that has never done deep dives into relationships and in fact even for the men Olivia was actually sleeping with only ever gave us brief, periodic glimpses into what was going on at home. The franchise prides itself on not doing a lot of relationship work. Whatever we might want, however compelling a story they may have on their hands with EO, they aren't ever going to center EO. Not bc they hate it (tho perhaps some of tptb do) but bc that simply isn't the kind of show this is. It's a hot dog cart, they're not selling pad thai. When all they have to offer us is a hot dog, well. What else did we expect?

Yes they have the means to do more, but to what extent? Mariska and Chris are already on set for their own shows 16 hours a day, when are they supposed to stop work on their individual shows (which the writers/producers of each show have to prioritize their own show over EO, bc EO is not a show, eo is a concept that is connective between two shows but eo doesn't get renewed, the shows do, and so the shows, individually, have to be good on their own merits) and go to a different set? Esp when they're still filming episodes just like 3-4 out from airing? That schedule is TIGHT. Plus oc has had like three showrunners this season and they aren't even halfway thru filming. They barely know what story they're telling over there and it's unclear whether what we have now is the result of current leadership or the last fingerprints of someone who's already gone. I'm not happy with it, and I've expressed my unhappiness with it, but I'm not gonna like. Just keep repeating how disappointing it is.

The echo chamber of negativity hurts me. I know that some people find comfort in hearing people voice their concerns and discussing that together, but to constantly be soaking in that environment clouds my judgment. It pulls me away from my own thoughts and perspective, it stifles my creativity, and it makes me feel bad, when if I only step outside that discourse and evaluate things for myself, I'm actually pretty happy with where we're at.

So again, when I am asked my opinion, I am not going to contribute to a cycle that hurts me. I am going to be honest about my perspective, and offer some encouragement - and, again, not tell others what to feel.

Y'all feel any kind of way you feel. Everybody has a different outlook and it's important for us to hear a range of voices. But this here is my house, and I will not contribute to distressing others as these conversations sometimes distress me. I'm not going to amplify bitterness. I will not foster it in my own heart and I will not do so to others. I genuinely believe we are in a good place, EO wise. I know it is not what we hoped for, but as we have discussed, many times, what we hoped for was not ever really in the cards. We can't be angry the hot dog cart couldn't sell us a gourmet meal. In fact, if we want a gourmet meal, we frankly should not have come to the hot dog cart at all.

Part of what makes EO so compelling is all the space the show leaves for the audience to draw their own conclusions. If the show was slightly better made or all those holes had been filled in, what would there be for fandom to do? A vibrant fandom full of creative ideas and cool fic and long meta needs a source media that is just a little bit bad, and leaves some of those doors open for interpretation. So I'm glad they're a little bad. That gives me room to work.

That was. Way too long, and not at all what you asked, but I'm still drinking my coffee lmao

[rengoku-loves-you]

This is such a weird request, but can you do the reader doing a break up prank on our sun, kyo? (Weird ik I just kinda wanna see how it goes XD)

(hi hun! don't worry about weird requests, this made me laugh when i read it! though it probably doesn’t show... i probably made it a bit more emotional and angsty than you were hoping, i’m sorry about that ^^; it hurt my little kyo-loving heart to make him sad tho, i almost couldn't bear it but that was the way it flowed :'D thank you so much for your request! ❤️️)

kyojuro x reader (in which you make up a break-up)

warnings: miscommunication, prank (accidentally) gone too far, angst?

"i think it's best if we don't see each other anymore."

kyojuro freezes. he'd been in the middle of cleaning his sword, wiping away the remains of the demon he had slain during his last mission, when you dropped that bomb on him. you don't even have the decency to look at him, sitting across from him with your eyes closed and your legs crossed like his. practicing your breathing, supposedly.

"what do you mean by that?" he asks slowly, very sure he's heard you wrong. his hearing has always been a little faulty ever since that one disastrous mission. "you're my successor! we could hardly not see each other anymore, your training is nowhere near complete. unless one of us goes blind!" he smiles, and you blink open your eyes. you don't look as amused as he hoped you would.

"i mean we should break up," you say bluntly, and that. that slaps the tentative smile right off his face. for a long moment, it's silent.

"ah," he says, quiet. his gaze flicks away, down to his sword, and he mindlessly starts cleaning it again before his hands start to shake. he forces his lips upward again, ignoring how they tremble. "i... if that's what you truly want, i understand! i will not pressure you to change your mind! you know what you desire better than anyone!" and he doesn't say any more, scrubbing the rag over the blade over and over and over again.

"okay," you say shortly. "thank you for understanding, rengoku." he gives a single nod, and you close your eyes again. rengoku. you only called him that when he was in trouble. otherwise, it was always kyojuro or even kyo.

it stings.

it stings a lot, even more than the bite the demon had taken out of his leg during the mission. in fact, his heart hurts so bad that he doesn't even notice when his eyes start to sting as well until tears are dripping onto his sword, smearing when he tries to rub them away.

"i'm just," you start to say, and then you inhale sharply, cutting yourself off. he doesn't hear what you say next, because he sobs at the sound of your voice, and his sword falls to the ground in his haste to scrub away the shameful, selfish tears. when he feels your hands on his shoulders, he jerks away.

“i’m fine, i’m okay!” he insists loudly, dodging your touch again when your fingers brush his cheek. he’s trying so hard to keep the smile on his face that it only makes his eyes water more. “i’ll stop in a moment, i apologize for this!” his voice wobbles, and he roughly scrubs at his face for it, trying to tamp the emotions down. he isn’t even entirely sure why he’s crying like this. you’re still his successor, and you’re not so cruel as to treat him coldly even after you break up. he knows you’ll still be friends at the very least. it’s not as if you’ll really never see each other again.

but you were his first, the only one he dared to let in so deep into his heart even though he knows the risks, because he believed in you and your ability to stay alive. he believed you would succeed in becoming a pillar, flame or otherwise, and just like a moth to a flame that spark inside you drew him in. you were natural friends, slipping into dating territory without either of you having to ask.

(”dating” being a relative term, of course. neither of you have much time to indulge in silly, normal dates, so you steal kisses, stay for dinner, and spend the night when you can.)

he feels like a child again, freshly abandoned, scorched inside with grief and burned outside from the flames he recklessly practices with. only this time, the external burns are your fleeting touches as you try to calm him down, saying words his ears refuse to let him process.

“i’m fine, i’m fine,” he persists, hoarse now that he’s nearly cried out, and you fall quiet. his entire face feels hot, a mixture of his aggressive rubbing, the usual post-breakdown flush, and shame. you’ve given up on helping, standing worriedly at his side with your hands wringing. you watch him take shuddering breaths, somehow still with that damned grin on his face that looks nothing but painful. 

“i apologize,” kyojuro begins, because he knows all his crying did was make you feel guilty and the last thing he wants is to make you feel responsible for him and his silly emotions.

“it was a joke,” you say weakly, and he blinks, water catching on his lashes as he gazes at the wall.

“what was that?” he asks, tugging the handkerchief from his breast pocket. you open your mouth, but then he blows his nose, loud and obnoxious, and you shut it again. you wait until he folds it back up, sniffing once, before he grips his knees with his eyes so wide that if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was waiting for someone to cut his head off. “i don’t think i heard you correctly. can you repeat that?”

“it was a joke,” you say again, lamely. “i-i didn’t expect you to take it so hard, especially not that fast. i thought you were gonna act all pouty and give me those sad eyes that you get whenever i don’t share my sweet potatoes with you. then i’d say i was kidding, and we’d kiss and laugh ‘cause we’re too perfect together for that to happen. it was supposed to be funny. i’m not that good at lying, kyo.” you kneel next to him, bowing your head. “i’m sorry.” even as the silence stretches, you don’t dare look up.

“well,” he rasps, and you jolt when you feel a warm hand fall on your head, “i suppose i’m just that terrible at understanding jokes!” when you dare to lift your eyes, he’s smiling at you. genuinely this time, small and still mildly tearstained. “there’s no need to apologize! i was the one who overreacted!”

“kyojuro,” you nearly whine, because he’s only making you feel worse. “it was a mean prank in the first place, don’t you dare start apologizing to me. i’m the one who should be apologizing.” he chuckles, his hand sliding to your upper arm and tugging gently, and you immediately lean into him. he wraps his arm around your shoulders, nose pressed to the top of your head, and you loop your arms around his waist.

“if you say so! i won’t argue with you!” he brings his other arm up, and then he’s practically shuffling into your lap, squeezing you tightly. you let him, even though he’s heavy and nowhere near acceptable lap-sitting size, because you can still feel him shaking and you know he needs the comfort.

“i really am sorry,” you mumble against his shoulder, fingers toying with his belt. “i’ve never seen you cry like that.”

“i’ll forgive you,” he says, “under one condition!” you don’t hesitate to nod. right now, you’d probably do anything he asked, if only to ease the massive pit of guilt in your stomach just a little. he pulls back, hands gripping your shoulders, and gives you another smile. more of a smirk, really. then he leans close to your ear, hot breath ghosting over your skin, and you shiver.

“never, ever leave me,” he whispers, lips brushing your ear when he speaks. “otherwise...” you close your eyes, feeling your cheeks warm, but force yourself to keep still. he sighs, pressing his nose into the crook of your neck, his hands slowly wandering down to your sides. “otherwise, i’ll cry. i’ll cry myself to death! then you’ll really be sorry!” his fingertips dig into your sides, and you gasp and jolt at the sharp, ticklish pain.

you really should’ve known.

“kyojuro!” you halfheartedly shove at his chest, and he falls back, laughing. his voice is still a little thick, and his eyes are raw and he’s still shaking like a leaf, but he leans in and kisses you anyway. that’s all the forgiveness you two need for now.

(he tastes like salt.)

[felassan]

Some DA trivia and dev commentary from Twitter

There’s a lot of different tweets, so I’m just pasting and linking to the source rather than screencapping them all or making several different posts or something. Post under cut for length.

User: Was dragon age 2 your favourite in the franchise?

David Gaider: DA2 was the project where my writing team was firing on all cylinders, and they wrote like the wind- because they had to! Second draft? Pfft. Plot reviews? Pfft. I was so proud of what we all accomplished in such a brief time. I didn't think it was possible. [source] DA2 is, however, also where the goal posts kept moving. Things kept getting cut, even while we worked. I had to write that dialogue where Orsino turned even if you sided with him, because his boss battle had been cut and there was no time to fix the plot. A real WTF moment. >:( [source]

Mike Rousseau: I remember bugging that! And then being told it wasn't a bug, and being so confused. Doing QA for DA2 was an experience. Trial by fire. [source]

DG: So I think it's safe to say DA2 is my favorite entry in the DA franchise and also the sort of thing I never want to live through ever again. Mixed feelings galore. [source]

User: (I personally blame whoever it was for ruining most romance arcs in other games for me; they don't live up to Fenris's romance storyline)

DG: I wrote Fenris, so uh - me, I guess? Or maybe his cinematic designer, who put in the puppy dog eyes. [source]

User: If DA2 had just been an expansion, do you think it would have been better received? There was a lot of great stuff in there, and I think my initial dislike of it was because of the zone reuse. If it hadn't needed to be a full game, would that issue not have arisen?

DG: Hard to say. It was either going to be an over-scoped expansion or an under-scoped sequel. If it had stayed an expansion, it might never have received the resources/push it DID get. [source]

User: I'd love to visit the universe where you had an extra year or so to work on it. You did a very good job as it stands, but it definitely had rough edges. Not just the writing team either. The whole game had hit and miss moments, that just a little more dev time could have fixed.

DG: On one hand, DA2 existed to fill a hole in the release schedule. More time was never in the cards. DA2 was originally planned as an expansion! On the other, if we had more time, would we have started doing that thing where we second guess/iterate ourselves into mediocrity? [shrug emoji] [source] 

Jennifer Hepler: This is what I love about DA2. Personally, I greatly prefer something that's rough and raw and sincere to something that's had all the soul polished out of it. Extra time would have helped for art and levels, but it would have lost something too. [source]

DG: Right? I think we could have used some time for peer reviews (and fewer cuts), but I think the rawness of the writing lent a certain spark that we usually polished out. [source]

JH: Definitely. I think the structure (more character-driven) and the tightness of the timeframe let each individual writer's voice really come through. Polish can be very homogenizing. [source]

DG: I should add I'm not, by any means, against iteration. Some iteration is good and necessary. The problem that BioWare often had is that we never knew when to stop. Like a goldfish, we would fill the space given to us by constantly re-iterating on things that were "good enough". [source]

Patrick Weekes: I appreciate your incredibly diplomatic use of the past tense on "had". :D [source]

User: DA2 was my gateway into the series and I’m so happy it is. I love the game the way that it is. It’s one of my favorites of all time. But I am also aware of everything that was said here. If it were remastered, do you think it would change?

DG: I'd be surprised if it was ever remastered. If it was, do you really think they'd change things? Do remasters do that? No idea. [source]

User: Both sides got undercut as I recall. Didn't that whole sequence also end with the mage leader embracing blood magic? It was very much "a plague on both your houses" moment, at least for me.

DG: Yep. Orsino was supposed to have his own version of Meredith's end battle, which only happened if you sided with the templars. That got cut, but the team still wanted to use the model we'd made for him. So... that happened. [source]

DG: I would personally say that DA2 is a fantastic game hidden under a mountain of compromises, cut corners, and tight deadlines. If you can see past all that, you'll see a fantastic game. I don't doubt, however, that it's very difficult for most to do that. [source]

PW: I love DAI with all my selfish "I worked on this" heart, but DA2's follower arcs and relationships are probably my favorite in the series. [source]

User: As I've expressed many times, I love the game, especially it's writing and characters but, for me, the most impressive aspect of it, in consideration of it's lack of time for drafts and revisions, is the 2nd act with Arishok.  What amazingly complex character and fantastic duel

User: Just played it again and I have to agree. Though he is bound by the harsher tenants of the Qun, he makes valid points about free marcher society. Though it is obvious that he and Hawke will come to blows eventually, the tension builds gradually and understandably

DG: Luke did such a fantastic job with the Arishok I found myself sometimes wishing the Qunari plot had just been THE plot. [source]

User: What do you think would have changed, story wise, if you had more time for DA2?

DG: I would have taken out that thing where Meredith gets the idol. It was forced on me because she needed to be "super-powered" with red lyrium for her final battle. Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that. [source]

User: I deeply lament that there wasn't/couldn't be some sort of DA2 equivalent of Throne of Bhaal's Ascension mod.

DG: I'd have done it, if DA2 had allowed for anything but the most rudimentary of modding. ;) [source]

User: I mean, and I think I understand where you were trying, but how much legitimacy did the Templars and her as top Templar have after they're keeping the mages locked up against their will in the old slave quarters? Feel free to not reply.

DG: I think it's the kind of discussion which requires nuance, and which discussions on the Internet are not prone to. [source]

User: Was a compromise that the quest lines don’t branch? It felt like it was supposed to be that way but then you end up in the same place later regardless of what you pick. Like I hoodwinked the templars so good to help the apostates escape but in Act II they were caught anyway.

DG: I remember us having a lot more branching in the initial planning yes. Most of this got trimmed out in the first or second wave of cuts, in an effort to not cut the plots altogether. [source]

DG: "If you could Zack Snyder DA2, what would you change?" Wow. I'm willing to bet Mark or Mike (or anyone else on the team) would give very different answers than me, but it's enough to give a sober man pause, because that was THE Project of Multiple Regrets. [source] I mean, it's the most hypothetical of hypotheticals. It's never gonna happen. I wouldn't be surprised if EA considered DA2 its embarrassing red-headed stepchild. We'd also need to ignore that in many ways DA2 was as good as it was bad BECAUSE of how it was made. But that aside? [source] First, either restore the progressive changes to Kirkwall we'd planned over the passing of in-game years or reduce the time between acts to months instead of years... which, in hindsight, probably should have been done as soon as the progressive stuff was cut. [source] I'm sure you're like "get rid of repeated levels!" ...but I don't care about that. All I wanted was for Kirkwall to feel like a bigger city. Way more crowded. More alive! Fewer blood mages. [source] I'd want to restore the plot where a mage Hawke came THIS close to becoming an abomination. An entire story spent trapped in one's own head while trapped on the edge of possession. Why? Because Hawke is the only mage who apparently never struggles with this. It was a hard cut. [source]

User: I would LOVE to hear more details about this! I don’t suppose there’s any chance of a short story?

DG: I don't even remember the details of the story, sorry. There was a fight, and you caught the bad guy and then realized none of it was real and woke up idk [source]

DG: I'd want to restore all those alternate lines we cut, meaning people forget they'd met you. Or that they knew you were a mage. Or, oh god, that maybe they'd romanced you in DAO. So much carnage. [source] I'd want to restore the Act 3 plots we cut only because they were worked on too late, but which would have made the buildup to the mage/templar clash less sudden. Though I don't remember what they were, now. Some never got beyond being index cards posted on the wall. [grimace emoji] [source] As I mentioned elsewhere, I'd want to restore Orsino's end battle so he wouldn't need to turn on you even if you sided with him. And I'd want an end fight with the templars that didn't require Meredith to have red lyrium and go full Tetsuo. [source] Heck, maybe an end decision where you sided with neither the mages nor the templars. Because it certainly ended up feeling like you could brand both sides as batshit pretty legitimately, no? That was never planned, tho. No idea how to make that feel like an actual path atm. [source] Maybe an option to go "umm, Anders... what are you DOING?" 👀 [source] And, of course, a Varric romance, because Mary took that "slimy car salesman" character we'd planned and did the impossible with him. I can feel Mary glaring at me for even suggesting this, tho. [source] Lastly, the original expanded opening to the game which allowed you to spend time with Bethany and Carver BEFORE the darkspawn attacked. And, um, that's about it off the top of my head. Zack Snyder, WHAT PANDORA'S BOX HAVE YOU OPENED. [source] Shit, I remembered two more things: 1) Restore the "Varric exaggerates the heck out of the story" at the beginning of every Act, until Cassandra calls him on it. Yes, that was a thing. 2) Make DA: Exodus. Yes, I am still bitter. [source] God damn it, I meant "Make DA: Exalted March". The DA2 expansion, NOT Exodus since that was DA2's original name and makes no sense. Because the expansion ended with Varric dying, and that will always be on my "things left undone" list. [source]

User: Whaaaat?

DG: Well, you know that scene in Wrath of Khan where Spock goes into the dilithium chamber because he's a Vulcan? Well, imagine that but with Varric and red lyrium and because he's a dwarf. ;) [source]

John Epler: I distinctly remember referencing the bit from MGS4 where you crawl through the microwave corridor in the split screen, while cinematic battle rages on the other half. [source]

DG: It would have been glorious, John. Glorious. [source]

JE: I don't think I've ever been so certain what a shot should look like as I did Hawke coming in and finding Varric in the broken throne, just like when he was telling Cassandra his story. [source]

DG: It would have come full circle! Auggghh, it still kills me. [source]

User: Lord, you folks are a little too good at this.

JE: The true secret behind videogame narrative is knowing how to make yourself seem a lot more clever than you actually are. [source] 'Oh, we TOTALLY planned that.' [source]

User: Ok, this thread [the DA2 regrets thread, which is the big chunks above] but Inquisition.

DG: My regrets about Inquisition are, more or less, the normal kind. Nothing so dramatic, I'm afraid. [source]

User: You can keep your Varric romance, I want a Flemeth romance goddamnit!

DG: I would allow for one flirt option, and then a recording of Kate Mulgrew laughing for three minutes straight. [source]

User: I had a hypothesis about the repetitive caves in DA2. They're repetitive because it's Varric telling the story and he didn't consider them important.  They're like sets in a play.  (Okay, I really suspect it was a time/money/resources thing but I like my fake explanation better.)

DG: Hang a lampshade on it, maybe? Cassandra: "But that's the exact cave you were in last time?" Varric: "Whatever. They all look the same, I'm not THAT kind of dwarf. Can we move on?" [source]

User: that makes sense, hypothetically to make Varric romanceable and keep his arc—that had to happen for the main plot—I imagine you would have to make double the content (or more)? which would've been a tall order given the time/budget constraints the game was under

DG: Right. When it comes to "romance arc" vs. "follower story arc", we generally only had time to do one or the other. Never both. Romancing Varric would have meant not getting the story of his that you did. [source]

Mary Kirby: The one exaggeration I really, REALLY wanted, that we never got to do was Varric narrating his own death scene with Hawke weeping over him, then cutting to Cassandra's pissed off glaring at him. [source]

DG: Haha! The one I wanted was Varric's plot where he takes on the baddies single-handedly, sliding across the floor like Jet Lee, action movie-style, until finally Cassandra gets irritated and he has to admit Hawke & the rest of the party showed up to help. [source]

MK: We did that one! (He didn't do any Jet Lee moves, though.) Jepler gave him letterboxing to get The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly showdown vibes while he shot a ton of mooks single-handed. [source]

DG: Wow. Shows how much I remember. [source]

JE: I found it! I remember seeing this sequence as my treat for doing a bunch of much more challenging work. It was fun to see how far I could push our limited library of animations. [link] [source]

DG: Heh awesome. I could have sworn it was cut, honestly. I think I was even in that meeting. [source]

User: no disrespect but that’s surprising and rich of Mary “Hard in Hightown” Kirby to think DA2 shouldn’t have had a Varric romance when she wrote an entire book of Varric’s self-insert character pining over his Hawke insert character… HIH is the reason we had VHawke Summer 2018

DG: I can't *really* speak for Mary, or how she feels about it now compared to back then. I only know how she felt about it back then, and I'm not sure it was as much the concept of the romance but that Varric's entire story would be bent to "romance arc" ...a very different thing. [source]

JH: I remember pushing to have the first DLC start with Hawke having an option to ask Varric, "Did you tell Cassandra about us?" and if you picked it, Varric would answer, "Of course not, baby. I told her you were sleeping with X..." and then proceed as if you had had a full romance. [source]

DG: I still wonder how that would have gone over. x) [source]

JE: Okay, one more DA2 thing. Putting together the cinematics for this scene was a blast. [link] [source]

MK: These lines are my greatest legacy. I want "Make sure the world knows I died... at Chateau Haine!" inscribed on my tombstone. [source]

JE: I was so glad no one said 'no' to the crane shot. [source]

MK: It needs that crane shot. It's the perfect icing on that cake made from solid cheese. [source]

DG: The designers were all "we need more combat" and I think we were all "I think you underestimate just HOW interesting we can make this dinner party". [source]

JE: And finally. I think @SherylChee wrote the one-liner. I think we had a collection of like, 20. [link] [source]

Sheryl Chee: Yeah! Something like that! I remember submitted a whole bunch and Frank said you only needed one. Wish I'd kept the other fifteen. [source]

JE: A random chooser where, each time through the scene, you get a different one-liner. [source]

JE: DA2 is the project I'm the proudest of. I also absolutely get that it didn't land for a lot of people. But I don't think it's inaccurate to say that, in a lot of ways, DA2 defined my career. [source]  Everyone spent a year working at their maximum ability. I was a fresh cinematic designer and was given all of Varric's content, as well as the Act 1 Finale mission. It was a lot for someone who had been doing the Cinematics thing for literally 6 months. [source]  There's some stuff in there I can't look at without wincing. And there's some stuff I'm genuinely proud of. Not to mention, it was my introduction to most of the writing team. Several of whom I'm still working with today! Albeit in a different capacity [source] Also, weirdly, one of my most enduring memories of Dragon Age 2 is how much Bad Company 2 we'd play at lunch. It was a LOT. [source] Every game I've worked on has a game I played attached to it. ME2 is Borderlands. DA2 is Bad Company 2. DAI is DayZ. I, hmm. There's a progression there. I don't know how I feel about it. [source]

User: Is DA4 going to be tarkov then?

JE: I've kind of churned out of Tarkov for now. Probably Hunt Showdown, at least right now. [source]

User: I think people also don't take nuance into consideration -- like I FULLY acknowledge the flaws in my favorite games and will openly criticize them, but that doesn't mean they're not my favorite games anymore??? You can like and thing and still be critical of it.

JE: A lot of my favourite shit is deeply flawed! I acknowledge it and I think it's interesting to dissect the flaws. [source]

User: I still wish Justice was an actual character in DA2 rather than a plot point.

DG: There was a moment during DAI where we *almost* put in you running into Justice with the Grey Wardens, and he's all "Kirkwall? I never went to Kirkwall" [source]

User: Does that imply that Justice was shoehorned in to DA2?

DG: Nah, it was an in-joke where we thought it'd be fun to suggest that "Justice" was simply some demon that tricked Anders in DA2. Wooo those tricky demons! We didn't do it, though. [source]

User: [about templars]  except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves [source]

User: Can you shed some light for us on how DA was able to do multiple same-sex romance options for different genders but the Mass Effect team treated them like the plague? What process existed for your team that just wasn't their for the other tentpole franchise?

DG: Different people making the decisions, almost different cultures. I don't know what it's like now, but for many years the Mass Effect team and the Dragon Age team were almost like two different studios working within the same building. [source]

User: It truly boggles the mind. Kudos for doing demonstrably better on consistent queer representation than the ME teams. Y'all never needed us to make petitions to try to get the studio's attention and ask them to do better by us. That's the fight we're once again embroiled in now.

DG: Honestly, I don't feel like tut-tutting the Mass Effect team. They did their part, and if they were a bit later to the show than the DA team they certainly did more than almost every other game out there -- and willingly. [source]

Updates begin here

User: So what was the reason for naming Dragon age 2 "Dragon age II" and not using a subtitle?

DG: As I recall, that was purely a publisher decision. I think they wanted to avoid the impression it was an expansion. [source]

User: Is there no chance of ever remaking DA2 under better circumstances? -Somehow remove the repetitiveness of gameplay by making changes and updating the tech and adding much more to the storyline. It could almost be a new very exciting game.

DG: I'd say there's zero chance of that. Let's keep our hopes up for the next DA title instead. [source]

User: I am a little confused here, help me out here please! How exactly was the cut boss battle with Orsino supposed to work out? How it would've kept him from turning against the player?

DG: It means that, if you sided with the templars, the entire boss bottle at the end would have been against Orsino and the mages. No fight against Meredith. The end decision would have been more divergent. [source]

User: I do remember that one of the reasons going around for that, was that resources were going to the transition to Frostbite. I'm still not fully sold on that having been a good choice. I felt that more time should have been given for that transition considering it was made for FPSs

DG: We didn't transition to Frostbite until DAI. Given our time frame for DA2, I don't think we *could* have transitioned to a new engine. [source]

User: Since your talking about the what could have been for DA2. Could you say what your script was for Anthem? Cause I remember reading that you wrote the plot on that game.

DG: I created a setting for Anthem and scripted out a plot - but, as I understand it, almost none of that ended up being used. So it's a bit pointless to talk about what I'd planned, as that'd be for some completely different type of game. [source]

User: [in reference to the exchange above where DG said “Being "crazy", however, robbed her side of the mage/templar argument of any legitimacy. I hated hated hated that.” re: Meredith] except, I don't think it had very much legitimacy to begin with. keep in mind, we interact with other characters with the same argument. The one that comes to mind is Cullen, a sane templar in power. The templar's side of the argument is inherently flawed.

DG: I don't doubt that many people agree with you, and yet people can and do argue on behalf of the templars as well. My place isn't to pick a side, but to provide evidence that players can interpret for themselves. [source]

If I missed a tweet, got the wrong source link or included a tweet twice, feel free to let me know and I’ll correct.

Edit / Update: Post update 22nd April

[washymylifeaway]

Haikyuu fanfic recs for ones I liked hehe

EDIT: I made a pt 2

Anyway, as the title suggests, I am recommending some fanfics for popular(ish) ships that I personally really enjoyed! I’m only doing one or two fics per ship (which in hindsight is KILLING me so I’m just putting the first fics I find and am like I really liked that one LOL) because I wanted to do a shorter fic rec list (tho watch this become super long LOL). I also may or may not be procrastinating finishing a couple other long posts, so there’s that hehe. For the (kinda but not really) public consensus for best fics per ship (by kudo count) check out some of my other posts. Also I’m putting some ships I don’t actually read much of (OOPS LOL) so if you think that there’s a fic that fits my type (if I even have a consistent type) better, pls tell me LOL. Otherwise, pls continue heh :)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading to make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) and stay healthy!

IwaOI:

The Loyalty of a Traitor by DeathBelle (E) 76.9k // ok so does me liking this fic make me basic cause I feel basic LOL. I really love mafia fics, and the way the story line developed was SO good, like IN LOVE with this story. This is a fic where you should read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY before diving in, but if the length scares you, don’t be. It’s so easy to fall in and get lost in the writing!

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu (chanyeol) (T) 66.3k // again, basic? Probably LOL but it’s good so I have no shame ;) Again, pls don’t let the word count scare you (cause it scared me LOL), you get really into it after like 2 paragraphs, so just make sure you have enough time to finish hehe.

KuroKen:

Thicker Than Blood by kylar (M) 91.4k // are you surprised that there is another mafia one? You really shouldn’t be LOL. Anyway, I’ll just be here pushing my mafia fanfic agenda while you read this monster of a fic hehe :) Definitely read WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARY because there is some very sensitive topics involved! I also adore the oibokuroo friendship headcannon, so more reasons to read, right?

Liked, Commented and Subscribed by Royal Society of Pandas (Abarcelos) (T) 45.7k // this fic is SO funny omg. I read it and I had to stop so many times just to laugh because I could not stop sometimes LOL. However, there IS angst towards the end, it gets resolved, but it’s still there... But honestly, it just adds such depth and flavor to the fic, so pls read it!

BokuAka:

bang! now we're even by Authoress (M) 11.9k // so I’ll be honest, I don’t read a lot of BokuAka (...oops?) and so I wouldn’t consider myself as the best person to be recommending fics for this ship (in general too LOL).... ANyway, I love myself some good spy AUs (was gonna put that IwaOi spy AU but the LIMIT), and Akaashi in a dress? Like the tags might state, what more do you need? The characters are done beautifully, and the story development is SO good, so I give you all my humble BokuAka rec.

Crisis Converted by valiantarmor (M) 60k // man do I really love fighting in my fics LOL. This was super good and the plot itself kept me really engaged (what a twist omg). It does talk a bit about mental health issues, but it’s done so well, and they really did this AU justice!

DaiSuga:

How to Manage by SuggestiveScribe (E) 39.3k // ok so yea yea we established, I’m basic, BUT can you blame me? This might’ve been one of the first DaiSuga’s I’ve read and I have no regrets. Literally, this fic series is one of my favorites, so OF COURSE I had to add it somewhere :D Honestly, I don’t even think you need to read the first one to understand what’s going on, but I would just cause it has some funny DaiSuga moments too ;) This is explicit for PWP, so proceed with caution~~

Add New Contact by booksong (G) 8.5k // this one! It’s so cute and poor Daichi LOL. He really out here doing the most,,, Anyway, we love tech Suga, and a nice dash of snarky tsukki (LOL is he salt, yes yes he is). It’s very fluff and pine, so if you want to read Daichi having gay panic like 24/7, go right ahead LOL. 

SakuAtsu:

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle (E) 91.2k // ummmm, haha what, another mafia AU? Me, predictable? Noooo, never..... Anyway, this one was so freakin’ good like, love it so much! It’s one of my favorite mafia AU fics, and I love the story line progression. Poor Atsumu being dragged into this mess, but it’s okay because THEY are IN LOVE. Honestly, this fic is Atsumu best boy like he is the best boy. BEST BOY.

Notte Stellata by awkwardedgeworth (T) 20.9k // I ignored all of the other fics I LOVE in this ship (like the pain I’m in rn), but I love this fic with my whole heart. Like I have reread this fic multiple multiple times because I love it so much (tho I might’ve skipped the angst a couple of times cause I didn’t want the pain okay?). I keep coming back, and the second fic in this series is SO funny and cute and I love it here. Please read it, it’s so FREAKING good, angst and ALL.

KyouHaba:

Team Mom by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (T) 2.7k // so as I was going through this tag (because that’s what I do LOL), I remembered this fic and I love it. Like yes Yahaba is the fear factor and yes Kyoutani is the DAD. I really like the team dynamics in this one, and the first years make me laugh pls.

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // IK you’re all like, you’re missing such great fics, like no I’m not I just made myself hate myself by limiting fics to two per,,, I love this fic and when I starting looking for this ship, it was the first one I thought of hehe. I really love magic and their interactions are so cute and the PLANTS ARE DOING THE MOST. Pls read both in the series, cause domestic KyouHaba is best KyouHaba ngl LOL. I love the plants, and if you read the second one, someone tell the trees to stop bullying Yahaba.

MatsuHana:

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // I told myself I was gonna put my most angsty fics on another post (which I will for my other favorite MatsuHana angst fic which I love), but this fic. Omg I saw it and I was like I have to. Literally I have to. I hate angst, but read it. It, the, plot, omg, I jjfnsfknalkjdnf ljksan. Like I’m not sure you understand. This fic. asjfjfsadnldjb. I never thought I could hate a character SO MUCH,,,, like SO MUCH. READ TAGS, WARNINGS, AND SUMMARIES because some serious stuff really goes down. Bless Iwa-chan.

SunaOsa:

Accidentally in Love by pancake_surprise (T) 19.6k // JOSE CUERVO strikes. I love this fic and all the chaos in it. The way they were supposed to be the responsible couple (of friends LOL),,, sike. This one is only a slight angst and it’s mostly love and fun :) Also technically this is no longer the first fic in the series, but I’m still putting this one cause the other one is SakuAtsu orientated hehe :)

Spring Secrets by DeathBelle (T) 3.8k // Seasons might be one of my favorite (as all things also seem to be) series of all times. I don’t like rerecommending fics I’ve already said to read, which is why I’m not yelling at you to go read a certain other fic (which is my life and blood). Anyway, this fic series is all fluff barely angst (maybe that’s why I like it) but it’s so freakin good pls read it all ahhhhhh.

Komori/Suna (what is their ship name):

I wish to live in a world by hatsuna (T) 24.8k // ok ngl this fic was so sad and relatable? Like I was like wtf why are you making me cry rn even though like I shouldn’t be? My heart? Pain. (Hotel? Trivago.) Technically, this is END GAME but the main pairing is kinda SakuAtsu???? Something of the sort, but also their relationship (Komori and Sakusa) is written so well and idk guys I think you need to read this fic rn.

Ah the two fic limit hurt me, but fear not I am making ship specific rec posts (LOL I’m so dramatic), so if you wanted more of a ship,,,, its a coming hehe. And yes I did say I’m making an angsty fic rec post, but we’ll see if it gets finished before I side-track with posts like these LOL.

[fresh-bag-of-ham]

ok let’s talk SUNSCREEN

SO the UV filters available in the US can at this point be considered truly terrible. One of the main reasons you’re supposed to reapply sunscreen every two hours is that many of the filters we use are destroyed by the very UV radiation they are designed to block. Killed in the line of duty, thank you for your sacrifice, etc. Counterpoint: sunscreen is gross and reapplying it every two hours is the worst. I am not doing that. Fortunately, Europe and Japan/Korea have been much quicker to approve newly developed more stable UV filters for use and at this point they have some really good ones. They also have much better UVA protection, both because of the better filters available and better labeling regulations.

A quick simplified summary: UVB causes sunburns, is directly absorbed by DNA strands which causes the mutations that lead to skin cancer, SPF measures protection against this only. UVA does more generic damage, creates free radicals associated with aging, wrinkles, collagen loss, pigmentation, etc. etc., but can also contribute to immunosuppression and therefore skin cancer. It’s more complex than this obviously but that’s not really the point of this post.

My sunscreen criteria: I hate wearing sunscreen. However, Accutane + sun = an extremely bad time. My ideal sunscreen is something that doesn’t feel disgusting to wear so I will wear it regularly in the first place (i.e. dry-touch), something I ideally don’t have to reapply super often under normal daily use (i.e. photostable UV filters, water-resistant when necessary), and has maximum protection. As long as I’m wearing it, I also want as much UVA protection as I can find, without compromising the former criteria.

Note: The sunscreens I tried are almost all chemical UV filters and several are loaded with alcohol, so if that upsets your skin then proceed with caution/ask me for a specific rec!

Note 2: All of these are SPF50+ (the highest rating allowed in the EU (meaning they tested at at least SPF60) unless otherwise specified *cough*Supergoop*cough*)

Best Face: Kao Biore UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence (x)

Best feel, best protection, best price point. This gets recommended everywhere for a reason. Bit of a silicone feel on the face. No white cast. Smells like alcohol at first. Really, really quality daily face sunscreen. Water resistant. Caveat that because of the alcohol I would make sure to throw a layer of moisturizer on beforehand to make sure I’m not totally drying myself out.

Also make sure you get the name exactly right, there’s a blah blah Watery Gel that’s totally different consistency, totally different filters, etc. etc. It has to be Watery Essence.

Best Body: Eucerin Sun Sensitive Protect Dry Touch Sun Gel-Cream (x)

This was a sleeper hit, so shout-out to Eucerin for the greatest body sunscreen I’ve ever tried. This stuff is SO protective and dries SO. DAMN. DRY. Zero grease somehow, feels like nothing. It’s even water resistant. I tried a couple LRP body sunscreens but they honestly aren’t worth mentioning. Eucerin or bust babey!

More Face Sunscreens:

I’ve also tried all top five sunscreens from this Stylevana listicle of Asian face SPF (x). The thing about face sunscreens that they’ve started doing is loading them up with silicones and acrylate polymers, which leaves a silicone-y feel on your skin like a makeup primer. As far as I can tell from poking through various patents, these polymers are doing a few things in the formula: a) emulsifying/stabilizing the newer/bigger UV filter molecules, and creating an occlusive layer over the UV filter molecules on the skin to a) improve water resistance and b) reduce eye stingy-ness. At first I thought I wanted to avoid these seemingly unnecessary additives but considering their function, these are all features I want/need in a face sunscreen so we’re living with them.

1. Shiseido - Anessa Perfect UV Sunscreen Skincare Milk: really good, sliiight white cast but absolutely no streaks, more like a foundation just a hair too light for my skin tone. However I can’t imagine buying this because #2 on the list is better and 1/3 the price. Medium silicone feel. Something I’d probably only break out for when I went to an outdoor summer wedding.

2. Kao - Biore UV Aqua Rich Watery Essence: I have already sung its praises.

3. MISSHA - All Around Safe Block Essence Sun Milk: closest to a US milky/greasy sunscreen experience here, though very fluid and still absorbs nicely. No silicone feel. Not a bad choice but nothing special.

4. Canmake - Mermaid Skin Gel UV: probably second favorite after Biore. Similar, bit less of a silicone feel. I’ve gotten red a couple times using this though, possibly because less silicone feel = no layer of protection against sweat/physically rubbing off? I bet this would be perfect under makeup though, it’s super light.

5. COSRX - Aloe Soothing Sun Cream: SO moisturizing, almost a dewy feel that sits on your skin and never dries. I wanted to love her, but unfortunately she is so loaded with the aforementioned polymers that when you reapply/put the appropriate amount on to begin with, it completely gums up and pills and you lose all protection. Also definitely not water resistant. Probably my top pick for a winter daily face sunscreen that I wouldn’t ever be worrying about reapplying though.

Other Contenders:

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Invisible Fluid (x) and Bioderma Photoderm Max Milk (x)

These two bad boys have the highest rated UVA protection currently on the market, 46 PPD for La Roche-Posay and 42 PPD for Bioderma. The LRP is extremely watery (technically alcohol-y) and comes in a teeny bottle(though same size as a lot of these I guess) but it is The Best UVA protection money can buy. The texture is really nice too, and feels super water resistant. If I’m outside sweating or on the water in the summer, this is going on my face. I've also seen it on sale multiple times since I’ve started researching sunscreens (because it’s extremely popular) so you can definitely find it in the $0.30/mL-or-less tier if you keep an eye out.

This Bioderma is cheaper and also extremely protective (thanks Helena @bronyraurmp3 for the rec!) but unfortunately it stung both my and Mr T’s eyes like a BITCH. Extremely unpleasant experiences for both of us. TBH if I’m out in midday sun, swimming or kayaking or something, I’m gonna be wearing a long-sleeved UPF rashguard to protect my arms and upper body and not worrying too much about whatever cheap greasy sunscreen I put on my legs. This Bioderma stuff would be going on my neck, ears, and hands though bc it’s super water resistant.

Eucerin Sun Sensitive Protect Mattifying Fluid : bit of a white cast, really slippy texture going on and nice dry touch texture when it dried down, but drying down took foreeever. Probably really nice if you’re sensitive and pale.

Eucerin Sun Oil Control Gel-Cream Dry Touch : VERY matte and dry-touch, would have loved it if I hadn’t gotten burned using it (doesn’t have all the newest most stable UV filters). Approaching the expensive end of things too, but would be a lovely option if you really prioritize non-greasiness and don’t need the premium protection? Mr T really liked using it on his bald head lol.

Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen SPF40 (US): This is recommended many places but it has to be a joke that people are actually paying Shiseido Anessa prices for old American UV filter selection, only SPF 40, and no UVA rating to speak of, right??? (ok they do have a PA+++ rating meaning a PPD of 8-16, so. this is acceptable.) I did not test this one but damn wtf. The texture is probably nice though and it looks perfectly sheer in the photos on their website, so maybe as a last resort for darker skintones that show a white cast with everything else? At that price tho... you do you but damn.

Jigott Snail UV Sun Block : This had good reviews on Yesstyle but it sucked. White streaks, bad.

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Ultra-Light Tinted Mineral Sunscreen SPF60 (US): Another in the outdoor-wedding only price range. There’s a tinted and a non-tinted mineral version and I ended up mixing them together to get a shade that looked pretty good on me, but needing two bottles for that puts it in the extremely ridiculous price category. Really slippy nice texture that takes a bit to dry but dries down perfectly matte. I guess the person who wants to shell out for a high end all-mineral tinted sunscreen exists somewhere out there but I would bet there are many nice cheaper mineral options out there that I haven’t tried.

And that’s it! For EU sunscreens, I was able to order them on caretobeauty.com, and Japanese/Korean ones from yesstyle.com or stylevana.com, though I had to go to eBay for the Biore and Anessa. I ordered some Biore from a seller on Amazon but they shipped from Japan and I think they got taken by customs because the last known location on the tracking info is Chicago, so finding a seller in the US that has already imported them seems like a good idea (vendor lullabellabeauty on eBay worked great for me, fwiw, I will definitely order my Biore from there in the future).

If you have specific questions about any of these, or if you have any recs you think I should try, hmu! You will be shocked I’m sure to hear I have a whole sunscreen database at this point.

[thebluewritingbench]

fic writer review!

thanks @inkedroplets for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

Seven at the moment! Gearing up to start posting a longer multichap I've been working on soon, though. ;)

2. Whats your total ao3 word count?

35,678 - though I have an additional 198,658 on my old fanfic.net account lol

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Four or five, depending on whether you count ATLA/LoK as one fandom or two. My old account had PJO and Harry Potter, and Supergirl most recently.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

I mean, that's most of them, since there are only seven rn but:

lucky i'm in love with my best friend - supercorp, kara goes on a date with william and then interrupts it by realizing she's actually in love with Lena.

and rain will make the flowers grow - supercorp, a 'what if lena only found out kara was supergirl as kara was dying' (it's sad)

rhymes with monopoly - supercorp, same as this tumblr prompt idk i wanted to try cross-posting one of my tumblr fics. Not sure I'll do it again, tbh.

Missed Notifications in Your Chat: ‘operation expose kyalin - lok, kyalin/korrasami - university au text fic where they're convinced their profs are dating and are overall insufferable about it

we're all in the mood for a melody - lok, korrasami - asami plays the piano a lot it's very domestic fluff

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I do! Usually not all of them, though, depends on the mood i'm in I suppose. And what the comment says. I read them all multiple times though!

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending

I'd say the wrong side of a second, which is just essentially just: what if Lena didn't manage to turn off Lex's mount norquay kryptonite canons on time in 5x8 and they hit Kara. The fic is the conversation where Lena has to tell Alex. It's one of two fics I've written where Kara dies, though I'd say the angstier of the two because they don't get time for love confessions and last kisses in that one. You may ask, helena, why do you have two oneshots in which Kara dies? Is this the name you're trying to make for yourself? I'm not sure, honestly. I'll just say i was enabled on discord for the second one. And that angst is kind of thrilling to write. And Kara is (masochistically, perhaps) a great character to kill.

(I tend to reserve tragic endings to oneshots I can knock out in an evening, though. If I'm investing major time into something, I want that happily ever after, please and thank you.)

7. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, no, though that's not to say I never would.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

I mean, not seriously. I've received the occasional negative/nasty comment but nothing I couldn't delete or disregard.

9. Do you write smut?

I have it was very scary. I'll probably do it again tho.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of?? I hope not. I think someone asked me if they could post a fic of mine to Wattpad once. I said no.

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Once back on ff.net! A lovely person translated a oneshot i'd written into french. It was very cool.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Not really, no. Though I had a friend that added so much in her beta-reading that it may as well have been cowriting.

13. All time fav ship?

All time fave? Oh idk. But supercorp has my whole heart at the mo

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

mm well I started a (modern) Pride and Prejudice Supercorp AU but I got stuck trying to keep both Kara and Lena in character and the general plot structure of P&P. Maybe I'll go back to it if I ever figure out a way around that. Otherwise, i try to only post things I know I can finish.

15. Writing strengths?

Uhhhhhh gee idk. I like writing descriptions. Also dialogue.

16. Writing weaknesses?

Overuse of ellipses and M-dashes, perhaps? Repetition of certain adjectives and adverbs? Mostly lots of small things.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Not sure I'd trust myself to do it accurately, tbh. Maybe with a beta who spoke the language?

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Percy Jackson!

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

how do you possibly choose? I'm gonna say my road trip AU (still in the works, but upcoming soon) to drum up some hype for anyone who actually read this to the end. (Because i'm not sure i would, tbh. So if you did, hi here's a cookie don't tell anyone.)

i'll tag @mike-wachowski @mssirey @janusa @tsunderegirlfriend @smileymikey if y'all feel like it idk

[puppy-phum]

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^ 

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish 

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol 

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013 

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this 

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am 

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol 

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once 

how many followers do you have: over 800 

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone 

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D 

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha 

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad 

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it  alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right? 

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh 

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :) 

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥

[clairecrive]

"Phone call" - Ronnie Kray x reader

I was requested this on Wattpad. I hope you like this. It's been a minute since I've written anything so idk how to feel about this. Anyway, guys we hit 800!!! I honestly can't believe it. Absurd. Thank you so much for reading my crappy stuff tho lol. I really appreciate it. I’m going away for a week ish and I won’t have any wifi or anything so I won’t be able to post. But I am working on something, so don’t worry :)

Tag list: @mollybegger-blog​, @br0ck-eddie​, @of-love-and-of-the-sea​, @evelynshelby​, @ashesbelle​, @sopxhiea​, @fandom--0verdose​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @shadow-of-wonder​, @fuseburner​ , @deaflikehawkeye​

Amidst her chaotic everyday life, there were few things that allowed y/n to keep her feet on the ground and take a break from her routine. One thing was her weekly updates with her best friend. Some weeks they happened more than once if something especially juicy went down but the bare minimum was once a week.

So there’s where she was one a fine autumn afternoon. On her favourite sofa, waiting for Ron to get home so that she could get supper started, as Sophia was catching her up to the latest.

“Seriously though, Soph, it was bound to happen.” She pointed out once Sophia finished her story.

“You think? I thought she’d never work out the courage to leave him.”

“I don’t think it’s about courage but survival. She just couldn’t go on like that and I mean, can you blame her?” Y/n tried to let her see her point but she knew that Soph had a very different mindset to hers when it came to these things.

“I don’t know, I guess this is one of those situations where you don’t know how you’d react until you’re in it yourself.”

“Nah, if I was her I’d left him a long time ago.”

“You always do this y/n, it’s easy to be this rational when it’s not your feelings that are involved.” Sophia snappily pointed out effectively getting on y/n’s nerves.

“Just listen to me, okay?” Rolling her eyes, she set out to explain herself. “Let’s say that this was me and Ron. I’m in the house, all by myself 24/7, every day of the week. My husband is at work and I understand that he needs to work to provide for us. But didn’t he made a promise to be there for me too?” It was rather a rhetorical question but she stopped as if she was waiting for Sophia to answer anyway. “So I talk to him, trying to make him see that I’m lonely and that I miss him. At first, he’s sweet and nice and gets home in time for dinner. A week passes and we’re back at it again, me alone and in a relationship with his house rather than him. A month goes by and what? I hear rumours that he’s been seen dining and going out with the same lady numerous times? And I’m still here at home waiting for him?” She didn’t think there was anything to add to prove her point but she did anyway. “I strongly disagree Soph. Marriage is about sharing your life with another person. A life filled with their love and presence. If they’re not there then I don’t want to be in that relationship anymore.” She finished her speech waiting to hear Soph’s opinion when instead she was met with the sound of a disconnected call.

“Hello?” Too busy in her rant she hadn’t heard that Ron had come back home and that it was his finger that had disconnected the call.

“Don’t you think I should be the first one to learn that you want to dump me?” And since she was none the wiser about his presence in the house, his thundering tone made her jump in surprise.

She turned to him in a rush and relaxed one she registered that it was only him. Only to be put off again by his furrowed expression.

“What are you talking about?”

“I should ask you the same question, shouldn’t I? Since when do you feel in a relationship with my house? And by the way, I thought this was OUR house.”

“Ronnie, you don’t understand-”

“Yes, I don’t. ‘Cause I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you.”

“But you want to leave me? Jesus Christ woman, I’m supposed to be the nutter.”

“I don’t want to leave you! Ron-” she tried to explain but he interrupted her yet again.

“Then what was that?”

“If you would shut up and let me talk, I’ll explain,” she couldn’t help it, she raised her voice. She knew that Ronnie didn’t like loud noises but frustration got the best of her.

The two stared at each other, taking the other in while getting a hold of themselves at the same time. Then Ron gave her the scene, with a wave of his hand.

“It wasn’t you, I was talking about on the phone.” She started but halted at Ron’s unconvinced raised eyebrow. He did hear his name leave her lips. He was not stupid, thank you very much.

“Alright, I did say your name but it was only to prove a point. To make an example.” But Ronnies was still not convinced.

“Helen left his husband.” She said like it explained everything. But those words meant absolutely nothing to Ron. Who was Helen? He didn’t know and he didn’t even care. Should he? He didn’t think so.

“It had been a long time coming but Sophia thought otherwise. She said that I was just being too rational and that it wasn’t that simple so to make her understand I listed Helen’s problems and what I would do if it would have happened to me. That’s why I said your name.” She concluded.

Going over what she had, Ron thought that it quite added up but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel conscious of their relationship now. He could see that she was telling the truth but somehow that didn’t help. And since y/n knew him well, she could see that.

“None of the things I said applied to us, Ronnie,” she addressed him now with a softer tone. Crunching beside the chair he was sitting on, she took his hand in hers and looked for his eyes. He always told her that sometimes words were superfluous and that eyes could be a lot more expressive and exhaustive than we thought. Y/n had never thought she could be quite as eloquent with her eyes than she was with her words but a while into their relationship, she found out that when it came to certain things, things that seem so complicated but are actually so simple, she really could say what she needed to with just a look. Whether it was, “I’m not really angry but you should give me a kiss to say sorry anyway”, or “shut up Ron and follow my lead” when they were around people they didn’t know well and Ron was beginning to scare them away, or “I swear that if you say another word you’ll be sleeping on the couch” during an argument, but also “I wish I knew the words to express what I’m feeling right now so that you could understand how special you are to me” in those private moments they shared after dinner, in the comfort and privacy of their home.

“So you don’t feel like you’re in a relationship with my house?” Was Ron’s quiet reply when he finally met her eyes.

“I helped pay for this house too, so it’s our house, thank you very much.” He snickered knowing what she said to be true.

“Besides, apart from when we’re both at work, we’re always together so how do you think I could ever be lonely?” She observed trying to get him out of that grey zone she knew he always pulled in and out from.

“How are saying that I’m clingy now?” Ah, here he is.

“Never. I didn’t marry you to be alone, did I?” Was y/n's olive branch. But Ronnie had believed her and to assure her that they were good, he sealed it all with a kiss.

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

Contemplative Raccoon Times pt IV

This is just me talking to myself for like 900 words. Not really story related to anyone. Also me talking about how I interact with NSFW content. 

It’s kinda like a vent? Idk I just like processing this stuff like this so. You’re under no obligation to read it just me talking to myself okie doke drink your water and have a good day loves 💛

I’ve been thinking a lot about the assumptions that I grew up with. I’m not going to get into them, but I was raised pretty conservative. I’m taking this point in my life to really question them and see what I think on subjects. 

I like this world a lot better. 

Lately, the one that I’ve really been looking into is how I relate to sexual or NSFW content. It was something that I was taught to be shunned, to not really be talked about or discussed. And for me, it was really easy to just hand wave. In fact, I didn’t understand why everyone else was so hung up on it?? Like, it’s not that deep?? 

And then I found out I’m Ace lol. Queue the “OHH” sound effect. 

But really tho, it’s just not something I tend to think about. But now, I’m circling in this; “Do i disregard it from pure disinterest or because I’ve been told I should?” 

I like NSFW whump. I follow blogs that mainly do it, I have troupes I like and all that. There is some incredibly fantastic writers in the community and I love them all dearly. Artists and writers and creatives of all types. 

I just can’t write it. I’ve tried, really. I had an old OC that I wrote like 2 pieces for and then I had to scrap because it felt so deeply incorrect for some reason. Again, I like NSFW whump, it was just something about me writing it. I scrapped him. 

If anyone remembers Mark Davies, one of the reasons I had trouble relating to his story was that it included Romantic training in the BBU. I struggled with it, and eventually had to drop him as an OC because of it. 

If it’s just that NSFW is not interesting to me, that’s fine. I don’t really care. BUT, if it’s that I have some sort of hang ups about the “appropriateness” of NSFW whump… mnmnmnm i don’t like that. So i’ve really been thinking and examining how I interact with this type of content. 

And I still don’t know. 

As for me writing it, I think it’s just a side effect of how I write. All of my characters are me. Really. They are all part of my personality that I added other bits to until they seemed like a different person, but I’m the root of their emotions. I find it incredibly therapeutic. 

Silver is that chaotic angry energy from graduating college and then realizing that the world is bigger than you thought and you’ve ignored parts of yourself and other people for so long cause you were told you were supposed to so now you just want to try everything and sure maybe you’re making some dumb choices but they’re your dumb choices and you don’t want to live your life based on other people’s mistakes so you just keep running and going and doing. I’ve settled in that mindset, but I still know it well so whenever I want to write for Silver I use that as a base. He’s me. 

Brody is my people pleasing side. He’s how I dealt with bullies (true story). I used to tell myself/other people “People don’t hit things they think are cute as hard.” It’s the way that I ingratiate myself to people I don’t trust, it’s the only armor I feel like I have sometimes. So, by writing through Brody I get to examine that and grow in it and through it. I get to work through that stuff and have fun while I write! It’s perfect! He’s me. 

Tool/JJ is shame. Just, the shame that I lump onto myself. Academic shame, personal shame, any type of shame. How it controls you and how it can turn yourself into someone else. I haven’t stated a lot their story yet, but I know how they react to things that will happen in the future and I’m laying the groundwork for it now. They’re me. 

Nik… aw sweet baby Nik. Nik came from this inherent feeling of being trapped that I felt for a long time. Of course, I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time but I can see it now. That actually came to light IRL and I dealt with it, but when it comes back up I feel myself gravitating back to Nik. He’s me. 

(That doesn’t mean that every whump piece is me having an existential crisis - just that I tend to build characters off aspects of myself because that makes them easier to relate to. I do just enjoy making up stories and torturing them as well lol) 

So when I look at my characters; they’re all me. And I’m not personally comfortable with/interested in personal sexual expression, and it bleeds over into them. Even when I tried to make an OC specifically for it, it bled over again and I couldn’t go through with it. 

What is the point of this post??? I dunno. I have such a weird push and pull with NSFW whump where I’m right at the line and I suddenly pull away. I’m still not sure where I stand, I’m still not sure how I interact with it. I guess I just wanted to be open and honest with y’all. 

Also the idea of #raccoon after dark is a brilliant name for a NSFW tag and I kinda want to use it. 

[cluelesslesbian]

Check-In Tag✨

AKA a very long post about moi and this account bc I was tagged by the lovely @katelfiredemon <3

IF YOU SEE THIS, PRETEND I'M TAGGING U like this is completely optional (and long omg) so I don't wanna FORCE anyone to do it but asjhkl I think it's cute

1. why did you choose your url?

My og url was something dumb bc I only used tumblr to keep up with artists and writers I admired… this one is revamped to be ~relatable~ bc I wanted something that I felt comfortable adding on my art?? But ok-

clueless = because THERE’S TIMES THAT I’M A LIL SLOW TO GET A JOKE SDFHJKL

lesbian = bc I’m not out to my family but my sexuality is something I like about me,,, so I wanted to acknowledge it somewhere (and the anonymity of tumblr = ideal tbh)

2. any side blogs? if you have them: name them and why you have them

I made one like yesterday lol! It’s @blue-dragon-shin-ah and it’s for Akatsuki no Yona (an anime and manga I TOTALLY rec! It’s like a historical themed fantasy, comedy, romance WITH a found family trope it’s so good)

but ngl I have no clue how to keep track of more than 1 blog so it'll be a lot more inactive than this one asdhkl

3. how long you’ve been on tumblr?

hmm according to my tumblr account it’d be 2016 since that’s the oldest post I’ve kept (I deleted everything and revamped this acc in december 2020)

BUT I did the math and I would’ve made this account in middle school so around 2013-2014 lol I don’t think I used it much until voltron was booming in like 2016-2018.. Then I lowkey stopped… until now!

4. do you have a queue tag?

oof no

……...I probably should? like 90% of my blog is queued or scheduled… but ngl I barely remember to tag posts at ALL some nights so I probably won’t (rip if that’s annoying,, but I don’t make much og content so I figure anyone following me is chill with this lol)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

In middle school?? To see funny posts and not be pressured into having an ~online presence~ tbh. That’s literally it lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and keith's expressions r hilarious

Before I just,,, chose sokka bc I love that blue boi and the edit of him had a yellow bg that I LOVED (and matched with my pink theme)

7. why did you choose your header?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and klance sdjfhk

Before it was just a colour palette bc I wanted my blog to be my fav colour: PINK

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

My zukka art omg- like I did one that I put effort into which I KNOW is my top post (it’s got like 600 notes??? I still can’t believe it I love that!! 🥰)

BUT MY SECOND TOP IS A POST OF REALLY REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF THEM AND I LOWKEY CRINGE AT IT (it’s got like 500 notes.. And I’m like… y ?? I can DO BETTER 😭)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

…...listen I’ve literally never had mutuals until this year (minus my one irl.. I love u bitch!! but u know that bc we text on other platforms too)

idek am i supposed to be keeping track??? I just smile a lot when i see the darker-tinted notifs in my activity feed

10. how many followers do you have?

hmmmmmmm ok i lowkey don’t want to answer this bc my whole love for tumblr is that followers don’t matter? You could follow me today and unfollow tmrw bc i ship something you don’t and life moves on??? So yeah no answer here

11. how many people do you follow?

1807 babeyyyy

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

...wait define shitpost- technically any original post under #yeetidk might be a shitpost cause they’re all just?? my shitty rambles tbh???

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Sometimes i’ve got the app open allll day long but other days?? I’ll go on like once in the morning or at night just to check my notifs and then that’s it

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

lmaoo bold of you to assume i interact with anyone enough to have a fight (AKA no)

If i did tho?? I’m the type to try and come to some middle ground before dropping the issue so idk- i’m more likely to lose bc i’m willing to （づ￣3￣）

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Wish-granting/curse stuff: no.

Politics/Donation posts: depends! I try to only reblog posts like these that I know a bit about bc I don’t really wanna contribute to misinformation ykno?

I did start tagging these posts as #important but I’m not like?? gonna be mad at anyone for not reblogging political posts (also a heads-up if you wanted to block #important: I also tag some lgbt+ stuff under there so you’ll likely miss those too, not a huuuge loss but just an fyi yknow??)

16. do you like tag games?

asdfghjkl this is honestly the first tag game i’ve ever been part of so i have no opinion 😭 tho formatting this post has been a bitch asdhjkl I gotta get back to my homework when I'm finally done this

17. do you like ask games?

I've done a grand total of 1 and I felt so?? ashgjl awkward and bad for asking people to talk to me about myself- maybe if I do one that isn't about me I'll like it more

I do love sending other people anons to compliment them when they do these games tho 😌

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

....this requires me to pay attention to people I follow more than I have been so I literally have no idea??

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

yes. the one readings this. love u, sweetheart 😘

/jokes

I don't?? usually get crushes? idek.. thought I was aromantic for a while bc of that lmaoo (but then I got a crush on someone irl and I was like "oooh ok so maybe im just gay then")