#this year truly helped me understand myself more too!! that's cool

[historical-fashion-polls]

The Halloween brackets, by virtue of not being from the same/similar dates the way the usual polls are, are really helping me hone in on the era of clothing I like most. I've found myself almost always voting for the 1850s-1890s sort of era contender in most matchups, without meaning to at all, which is really fascinating to me!

I love the polls all year round, though - when I can't choose I show my mum and see what she picks, so it's a nice shared activity. Thank you for all your hard work maintaining the blog! <3

hello my dear! 💖

thank you so much for this lovely message! 🥰🥰 that is so cool to hear that the brackets have helped you figure out a preferred era of historical fashion for you!! ☺️☺️ and I totally agree with you – it's been fascinating to see at the matchups as they become less comparable in terms of date and really look at what features are appealing in each garment 💕💕 it has also been really interesting to see where the general consensus has landed on some of these as well, especially when they differ from my choice or when I predicted something different to win! (justice for 1897 they don't understand you like I do bby 😭😭) (jk the 1824 is lovely too and does have a very vampiric cloak)

also, as a victorianist, allow me to say "hell yeah!!" to your preferred 1850s-1890s timeframe! 🫡🫡 earlier and later styles are also lovely, but there's something about late 19th century fashion plates that just hit different I may say so ☺️☺️ (and if my dissertation ideas go to plan I will have a lot to say about it lmao 👀👀 ) if I might inquire (and truly no pressure to answer if you'd rather not! ☺️), are there certain features that you're drawn to in that era of style, or is it more just vibes? I'd be so curious to know if you're comfortable/willing to share! 🥰🥰

lastly, I just wanted to say that it truly makes me so so happy to hear when people share the polls with their family and friends and make it a little shared activity! 🥰🥰 as I know I say a lot, I run the blog primarily for people to have fun with it and to bring a little silly joy to people's days, so to hear that it can be a moment of connection with people you care about is so so so special, and makes me just so super happy! 🥰🥰

but enough of my ramblings! thank you so much again for this lovely message! ☺️💕 I hope you continue to have fun with the blog and that you enjoy the rest of the halloween tournament!! 🥰🎃

[zorange13]

♪ my fav fics of 2024 !! ♪

note: i know that some of these were not released this year, but this is just a list of fics that i read this year and personally enjoyed. 

also, i will only list detailed warnings if i truly feel you need them beforehand. but also you can see them on the original posts. 

without further ado!

♪♪

I Let the World Burn For You - @elikajinnie | part 1 | part 2 |

p: serial killer! nishimura riki x fem! reader

warnings: graphic descriptions, murder, manipulation, angst, bullying, blood and injuries

synopsis (from original post): “You’ve always loved crime shows, captivated by the mystery and mind games, but you never expected to live in one. When a killer develops an unsettling obsession with you, you’re thrust into a deadly game where you’re not just a target—you’re the centerpiece.”

wc: 27k (split bwt. two parts)

I’ve only read this about a few weeks ago-ish and it definitely had to be the first one on here. I genuinely had no idea that this fic would scratch a major itch that I didn’t know I had! If you’re looking for something different then I highly suggest tapping into new genres within fanfiction. As someone who studies this currently, I loved all of the psychological elements implemented here. As I was reading, I was like “Bro, why do I feel like I’m reading the same thing over again?” But as I continued—at least from my interpretation—this had to be intentional. With horror/thrillers, whether it be film or not, what makes it horror is when they can find small pockets to make you comfortable within that madness. That’s the thrilling aspect because there’s never a 100% sense of security. But not to fear, you won’t have nightmares, this will only leave you wanting more. To which she does, there are tons of fics that she’s posted on her blog and she updates regularly so there’s always something to sink your teeth into!! That aside, she’s genuinely such a cool person and is always willing to help fledgling writers (such as myself) with advice or tips. Def check her out!!

-

Frenzy (2023) - @simpjaes | part 1 | part 2 | minors dni

p: jake sim x afab reader

synopsis (from original post): “Jake is experiencing real love for the first time in his life. He’s so infatuated with you that he would do anything to make you understand. And you? Oh, you are in no place to argue with a man who appears to be perfect.”

warnings and tags: (a lot but in a nutshell) abuse, stalking, jake is psychotic like fr, manipulation, obsessive and invasive behavior, smut

please see the original post for all of them, please.

wc: ~47k (rough total, 33k for part one. 14.2k for part 2)

This fic is not for the faint of heart, I’d say. But it is absolutely insane how well-written this is. I only like dark fics personally if it’s written by her for some reason. The tricky thing about works like these is that when writing you have to get every detail. You can’t brush over things, you have to work through it or else you won’t have those powerful, hard hitting moments that you really want the readers to feel. This fic is absolutely repulsive, sick, and twisted and that’s what makes it so amazing! You feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing, that repulsion. I swear my stomach was in knots while reading this and I absolutely couldn’t look away. No matter what, as long as a work can make me feel anything, it’s well done. No detail too small, nothing missed, I genuinely couldn’t find anything wrong with this. Again, if you cannot handle any of the tags or things mentioned, please do not read it!!

-

Minted - @kithtaehyung | masterlist | ongoing

p: street king! yoongi x street vendor! reader

synopsis (from original post): “All you do is wake up, sell your fruit on the dusty streets below your flat, and go to sleep. But everything changes when a customer you always look forward to seeing turns out to be dangerous. Really, really dangerous.”

warnings/genres: mint! Yoongi, haegeum!yoongi, graphic depictions of violence, warnings stated in each installment, smut, action (at least i think so)

wc: 31.5k (ongoing, so subject to change)

I don’t want to get personal with this, but I’m in love with min yoongi. Like I love him so much, so anything with him on it is right up my alley! Nonetheless when I stumbled across this fic, it sparked so much in me because I’ve never read anything like it. Ryen's works are so amazing and they’ve all done well for a reason, don’t sleep on her! But back to Minted, I love anything that can give me a rush (if you can’t tell). I really do love the hidden world and lore that seems to be behind this and anything that has to do with world building. I don’t have entirely too much to say because it is ongoing but thus far, it is so good and I don’t doubt that she will eat this up!! the third installment is up so get to reading!!

-

honorable mention!!

Til the End of Summer (2020) - @ah-ga-seven | masterlist | 14 part series + bonus

p: choi yeonjun x reader

content/genre: angst, fluff, smut “in certain chapters (can be skipped)”, college! au, collegiate athlete! and fuckboy! yj, overprotective bff soobin, toxic asf, drama, pining imo

also cameos from other idols!!

synopsis (from original post): “You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other; even though the world, Yeonjun’s family, past and reputation makes things complicated?”

wc: ~110.5K (added up myself, you’re welcome)

I read this a little after it was completed, and I have to say it still holds up very well for me. This was the first fic that genuinely made me appreciate what it meant to for one: be able to take full control over your own work, and two: not be afraid to push boundaries with your writing. Ahga (unintentionally) taught me that you are god in a way when it comes to your work. You have absolute control and this made me as a writer be a lot more thankful for that privilege. In this fiction, there was a lot of cat and mouse, push and pull; so when our pairing finally were able to finally be together it made it all the sweeter. Don’t read this if you’re not into drama, I have to say this was the first fic that I read that felt like a tv show. Like Euphoria but without the drugs, I guess (sorta, there were mentions of drugs if my memory serves me right. i’ve also never fully watched Euphoria lmao.). But you know what I mean! I love that her characters feel like real people with genuine problems and traumas because that’s real shit. No one is safe and perfect and I love that it’s not like y/n is innocent in Ahga’s universe. I never liked the whole “y/n is always being done wrong” thing with fanfics, it’s ok to make your characters human beings. 

Just please read this it's so good! I miss you Ahga. Come back girl! :(

[drdemonprince]

thanks for your response to my question about knowing what you want. that's broadly what i've been trying to do, though dealing with long covid and being very conscious of not getting it again makes in-person stuff... tricky. i've been trying to do something nice just for myself for my birthday (in kind of a reclaiming manner, as it was a very much not good day for most of my life) and was completely blanking on the question. (i have a lot of difficulty imagining things i've never done/experienced for some reason.) guess i'll keep on taking baby steps and hopefully figure this out better sometime

It's *very* common for Autistic people to have trouble imagining themselves doing something they have never done before. I once had a HUGE meltdown at the doorsteps of a haunted house because I had no idea what the floorplan would be, when actors would be jumping out at me, how long the experience would be, or anything else to expect. I NEVER went to half of the gay clubs in town until someone I was seeing finally brought me, and I finally learned what to expect of going to a bar on my own. I truly did not conceive that public spaces were "for me" just as much as they were for anyone else. I experienced most of the world as this shadowy, forbidden world that I could not understand and did not have permission to access until pretty recently, in the grand scheme of things. And I certainly felt immensely guilty having a birthday and DARING to want to do anything for it, especially not something everybody would like.

But there is a way out of this! One of the ways is to simply try new things - there is no true self inside of us with hidden true desires and habits that we can just magically find and unlock, rather the self is an active becoming, a process of trying new things that sound appealing or that we simply wish to learn more about, and potentially becoming the type of person that does them (or, conversely, learning something about ourselves in the process if we try something and find we do not like it).

If you cannot imagine yourself experiencing joy, happiness, belonging, you can probably at least be curious about something. This was how I became a furry: I was intrigued by the idea of Furfest, and so I went. I didn't consider myself a furry when I went. I didn't put any pressure on myself to enjoy it or to belong there. I considered myself something of an anthropologist studying a cool subset of human culture when I first attending in 2018. While I was there, I also decided that trying on some antlers in the dealer's den might be interesting. It turned out I liked it, and I grew closer with other people in that community too. Eventually through repeated adventures and trials it became a thing I enjoy. Most of my hobbies and passions have evolved similarly -- I wrote a short story because I was bored, and then years later I had lots of writer friends and a career, I attended a local comedy show because I had nothing to do, and then I tried out for one, and then I was in the comedy scene.

We are what we do, and that means that who we are can always change. It can always expand and deepen. If we cannot currently access much joy or genuine passion, we can find it -- by pursuing new things and taking an interest in life, in whatever ways we can. And of course, if you are Autistic, I do recommend doing research and googling about various spaces and subcultures and social mores in advance, so you know a little bit more of what to expect, which will help the concept of going to crystalize more in your mind. But there's nothing quite like trying it!

Let me know what you decide to try as a birthday adventure for yourself. Good luck!

[cloroxium]

2025 SELF PORTRAIT - UP IN FLAMES

this is something i’ve never done, mostly from self consciousness and just a tricky paradox of how i view myself, but i think this years the way to break it. i’ve known people who’ve done this as a form of therapy and so for me, making for me, posting for me, nothing else really matters! more in-depthness under the cut :3 (and it does help, spoiler alert…)

2024 was ultimately the worst year of my life. i seem to say that every year, but this year it’s been amazing. i’ve been more productive at the very end of last year and it continues into this year. i was couch hopping last year, in desperate times, and it called for the most unforeseen measures that to this day that i am still trying to figure myself out from. the worst event possible happened to me this time last year and ive accepted that i may never truly be the same, not for worse, but for better. life taught me a lot of things last year into this year and i’ve finally began functioning as an independent human person. not everyone needs to understand til they’ve been there.

i waited MANY rough years to finally get my drivers license after rebranding poor excuses as to why i couldn’t get one. i have a really good friend circle that have witnessed me at my worst and stayed with my during my best, i have an awesome swag job where i love everyone i work with, and i still tend to the house and my family if they ever need something. i used to rely heavily on people to uphold my emotions this time last year. ive found l, now, that this was not the move to get to where i needed to be. i needed to be forced to grow, and i thank everyone for that every day. i lost some amazing people and some that were not the greatest, but merely just another lesson to learn in life. it’s all i see it as.

i’ve had such a struggle with my gender and sexuality and therefore i will label myself as a trans person, but unlabeled in general. i think with how the world is right now in its current state, there’s too much to worry about with others who have figured themselves out than to try and worry about my own that will likely never get settled. im just a person. unlabeled or not, i think everyone’s valid.

i’ve also have learned to no longer people please and set firm boundaries with people, and that’s been wonderful in all its glory. i started to believe more in karma, good and bad, and i know everything comes back multiplied, so i just strive to do what’s best for my life and not serve any energy to anything that won’t serve me or anyone surrounding me. ive become mostly exclusive now, i keep my close friends dear, but the rest remains a mystery. my life has been a whirlwind, especially in the last year, but i think it was the most important year of my life, and im glad to have cool friends and mutuals on here to keep the art drive coming along.

ive been stuck in a saw craze for over a year now since my last partner introduced me to it, which is something i’ll never want to take back, it’s funny to say, but this strange little franchise has been such a positive outlet for all the insane shizzle that’s happened in my life the past year. i wasn’t happy a little less than a year ago, but now i can say that everything’s gonna be alright. im glad to start 2025 out strong with knowing what my personality is and finally after 13 years… med free for half a year. it’s a huge step for me not remembering how i ever felt without them, but i just feel more alive, and functional in society.

i’ve achieved grand milestones and im very proud of myself for everything ive been through to get me where i am, the bad and the good. everyone’s different and this is the way i like to grow and understand myself. thanks to all my buddies for sticking here, even though most won’t even see this. ramble over, here’s to a swaggy justin bieber style 2025 ! <3

[spicywhenspeaking]

If I'm There: Chapter Twenty-Three

read from part one here!

summary: Noah and Natalie met in high school and developed a relationship through their love of music and art. Falling in love, innocent and young, they think nothing can keep them apart. However, sometimes in the pursuit of your dreams the things we love the most get left behind.

this is a complete work of fiction, some characters while based on real people are totally made up. :)

Taglist: @lma1986 @cookiesupplier @notingridslurkaccount @blackveilomens @thisbicc @laurpartyprogram @concretenoah @thebadchic @jessitpwk@madomens @samanthasgone @myownthoughts12@missduffsblog @jilliemiw86 @malerieee @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @badomensls @robabankfuckmickeymouse

“Things are pretty normal given the situation. Noah has called a lot since he left and talks with Erin for almost an hour on the phone each time. We talked for a little bit but honestly, my feelings for Noah are getting so cluttered it’s hard to talk to him for too long” 

“When you say cluttered what do you mean exactly” 

“It’s just hard talking on the phone, you know, with everything. We saw each other for the first time in ten years and then I shook his whole world telling him he’s a father and I just wish I knew what he was thinking. We didn’t have enough time to talk about it all. He met Erin and it was great but I just…I feel like a failure of a mother for depriving her of him for so long and I don’t know how to express to him that I’m sorry. And honestly, I’ve never let myself get fully over him, I just feel like there’s always been a piece of me that has loved him, maybe just from what I see in Erin.” 

Dr. Grady is quiet for a few moments while she thinks and takes in my words. 

“I cannot speak for Noah, but I believe forgiving yourself for the past is important and a necessary step in your healing. You’ve already mentioned that there’s nothing you can do to change what has happened and it seems like you’re focused on helping Erin navigate this situation. As for your feelings about Noah, there is nothing I can tell you, that is a completely personal journey that you will have to take.” I sink lower into the sofa in Dr. Grady’s office and try to unjumble my thoughts, but those surrounding Noah will take time to fully unpack. 

“And on top of all of it, my brother just got to town last night and I swear if you had told me ten years ago I would say I was jealous of Kyle's emotional maturity I would have pissed myself laughing.” As I tell Dr. Grady more, I recall my conversation with Kyle last night after Erin went down for bed. 

“So, she met Noah huh? And she seems pretty happy about the whole situation so I’m guessing it went well?” Kyle asked cautiously. “Yeah, it went better than I expected. He was great with her, asked her questions about what she likes, talked to her about music and his life. He’s called her every other day since he left and they talk for hours.” I tell him as I pour the two of us a cup of hot tea. 

“How do you feel about all of this?” He asks while blowing the steam off the cooling cup of tea in his hands. 

“When I myself understand my feelings I’ll let you know.” I let out a pathetic laugh, “I’m happy for Erin, she’s happy and that’s what’s important. I’m trying not to think too much about all of the "what ifs you know? I told myself that I wasn’t going to let my feelings mess this up for her. She deserves a relationship with her father” I tell him honestly and then because I’m unable to stop it the word vomit spews out of me. “But I can’t help thinking what if I had told him ten years ago, would we have gotten back together? Would I have ever known truly if it was for me or just because I got pregnant, I mean how would you feel missing Natasha’s birth, her first steps and her first words?”

He takes a sip of tea and sits up straighter in the kitchen chair. “I think I would be upset at first, which you said he was but Nat, you’ll drive yourself crazy if you keep thinking about all of these hypothetical scenarios.”

“But like would you be able to forgive Maggie? Would you still haven’t wanted to marry her?” 

A look of complete understanding washes across his face, “Nat, why do you insist you deserve to be hated for this? Why can’t you accept that he’s forgiven you and move forward? You forgave him for leaving all of those years ago. You’ve forgiven me for all the terrible things I’ve done, forgiven Dad too. You forgave Mom before she died. You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you, why?” 

“You believe everyone is worthy of forgiveness but you…that’s what he said. It sent me for a loop. It’s true. I’ll allow everyone to be flawed and make mistakes but when it comes to myself I wonder how I haven’t been dropped by every person in my life” I explain the conversation to Dr. Grady and wait for her response as I sit up and prepare for the end of our session.

“It’s common for people with anxiety to suffer from severe self-criticism. I’m going to send you a few readings I’d like you to look over before our next session and we can discuss it more since we are almost out of time.” She clears her throat and straightens up the papers in her hand. “It’s a very good question your brother asked. I think you should think about that one, why do you think everyone else is worthy of forgiveness but you? Because you are Natalie, you are worthy of forgiveness and you need to start by forgiving yourself.”

I quietly thank Dr. Grady for our session and leave once our time is finished. 

She’s right and so is Kyle. I constantly forgive everyone all the time but never allow myself the grace of forgiveness.

Erin is happy, Noah is happy and it’s about damn time I let myself be happy too. 

It’s around 4pm when I return home from therapy and my grocery store run. I got all of the essentials for a fun backyard fire pit dinner. We’re roasting hotdogs and then s’mores for desserts later. 

When I get into the house I hear laughter and music filtering in through the kitchen, I walk through and notice the sound is coming from the backyard where Maggie and Kyle have set up the waterslide for the girls. 

“Uncle Ky! Go go!!!” I hear Erin bellow as I see my brother fling himself down and slide all the way to the end of the slide. 

“Oh hey, Natty!” Kyle calls, standing and shaking the water out of his hair. “How was your appointment?” He asks softly. 

“It was good! Yeah, I feel good, thank you for talking to me about it last night, it was really helpful Ky.” 

“Of course sis! What are twins for?” he says and then wraps his arms around me wiping water all over my dry clothes. “Kyle! Ugh!” I call out and push him off of me while he lets out a full bellied laugh. 

A few hours later we are sitting, dry,  around the warm fire. Kyle and Maggie are staying at a hotel but when Natasha started to get sleepy we put her in Erin’s bed until they left for the night. 

I’m helping Erin roast a marshmallow when Maggie comes into my view, handing me a glass of wine. “I think it’s time for that girl-talk I was promised” she giggles and turns to Haylie who’s sitting and roasting her own s’more, “and I mean you as well girl, I wanna hear about this new book. You gotta tell me if they’ll end up together in the end please” 

Haylie laughs and zips her lips, “hey I’m spoiler-free over here.” 

Handing Erin her assembled s’more she thanks me and takes a huge bite causing marshmallows to overflow out the side and drip down her chin. I laugh and wipe it before it hits the floor. 

Kyle stands to leave us to girl-talk and gestures towards Erin, “Come on sweety, let’s go watch a movie while your mom has her lady talk, it’ll be boring” 

Erin giggles into her s’more “They just want to talk about Noah and how mom used to like him and now they’re both weird” she states while tossing a strand of hair over her shoulder and I can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of me, “yeah, sorry for being weird kiddo. I’m working on it.”

“Aren’t you observant?” Kyle says to Erin steering her towards the back door. 

The three of us giggle at the way Erin was able to perfectly sum up the situation, “She sees everything I swear and she’s too smart.” I comment under my breath as I take a small sip of the wine Maggie brought me.

“What’s going on in that head of yours Natty,” Maggie asks and her face is nothing but compassionate. “Too much Mags, too much.” I take another long sip of wine and look into the slowly dimming fire. “I am so unbelievably happy to see Erin happy..”

“I’m sensing a but coming,” Haylie chirps from her chair on the other side of me. 

“But.” I say, giving her a pointed look, “but I am just still navigating my own feelings about all of this, so I’m just a little scatterbrained.” I admit.

“Do you think it’s possible Noah could still have feelings for you?” Maggie asks and I shoot up in my chair, surprised by her question. 

“Oh god no, I was just talking to my therapist about how shocked I am that he can even stand being around me,” I say and Haylie busts out laughing. 

“Oh my god, are you blind? Dude the way he was looking at you not only the literal day you told him about her but the day he came over and was here for like eight hours, for Erin of course but Natty, there is no doubt he was also here for you.” Haylie says with a matter-of-fact tone and my eyes roll back so far I think they might never come back. “Oh please, there is no way Noah has feelings for me, It’s been ten years and at this point, we are just trying to navigate this co-parenting thing.” 

That gets a laugh out of not only Haylie but Maggie as well, “you’re either blind, stupid or both if you don’t think that guy is and always has been in love with you, knowing he now shares a child with you is only going to cause him to further attempt to submit himself as the only man in your life,” Maggie says but I shake my head in disagreement, I just don’t think that is in the cards for Noah and me anymore no matter how easily I lose myself in his eyes, or how I secretly listen to his music and have always known he was the most talented person in the world. 

“Whatever our feelings for each other may be, Noah and I have agreed that the most important thing is Erin’s happiness. I’m not going to risk that so I just need everyone to respect that.” I say with more firmness in my voice than intended. Maggie looks at me with a quiet understanding, “I will support you either way. I’m always on your side.” she says. Haylie nods in agreement “Me too.” 

We spend another hour outside finishing our wine before heading back inside to see Kyle and his family off for the night. Erin heads up for bed soon after and I do a final sweep of the kitchen before heading up to bed myself.

As I’m laying my head down my phone rings lightly and I hesitate slightly before answering. 

Hey Noah, is everything okay? Sorry but Erin is already asleep if you wanted to talk. 

Hey, yeah everything is okay. I figured she’d be asleep, I was hoping to talk to you actually. If thats okay?

Oh, um yeah, we can talk. Whats up?

Are we okay Natty? 

I freeze. What does that even mean? Are we okay?

Um. yeah? Why wouldn’t we be okay? 

I just feel like…I don’t know how to say this. I’ve been trying Natty but when I talk to you on the phone it’s like you can’t get off fast enough.

What do you mean? I just figured you wanted to talk to Erin so you could get to know her more. 

I mean, of course want to talk to Erin, but Natty I want to talk to you as well.

It’s been ten years and I meant what I said about wanting to be in your lives. 

You want to talk to me? About what? 

He laughs and the warmth of it climbs into my heart and makes a nest. 

I want to know about your life, I want to meet the Natalie that you’ve become and I want to try and make up for all this time I’ve lost.

Oh. I’m - well I’m sorry if I was short with you on the phone. Honestly, all of this has been a big change for us all.

I haven’t been good about dealing with this, obviously. 

Yes, It was a big change but I want you to know that I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone anymore. I truly do intend to be there. For both of you.

That’s co-parenting right? We’re in this together now. 

Yeah. Together. I like the sound of that. 

I can’t help the blush that spreads across my cheeks and down my neck, I know he meant together as parents but for a moment I allow myself to believe we could be the happy family I’ve always dreamed of. 

I know it’s late so I can let you go if you’re getting ready for bed-

No, no, I can talk. Unless you’re tired.

No, we just got off the stage and I’m to amped up to sleep yet.

So Natty, tell me about your life. 

We talk on the phone for hours. About the last ten years, I told him about life with Erin and we reminisced about life when we were young. I don’t remember hanging up, but I guess I fell asleep sometime while we were talking because when I woke up there was an unread text on my phone.

Noah S : goodnight :) I have missed talking to you these last ten years Natty. It is good to be back in your world. 4:13 am

I walk down the stairs with a spring in my step and I feel lighter than I have since this all began. I know we will all be okay and I can finally say that Noah and I are friends again after all of this time.

The rest of the week with my brother and Maggie is so much fun. We spend time at the park, go to museums and even a minor league baseball game. When they leave at the end of the week I give Kyle a big hug. "Thanks for everything Ky, I love you bro."

"I love you too sis, you're an amazing person. don't ever forget that."

Noah and I start texting more frequently in-between our phone calls and I find myself smiling and laughing more at my phone than I have in years.

In a week Noah will be back and Erin is so excited.

I won't lie, I'm pretty excited as well.

next chapter

[ssnowjo]

(Dropping a little rant; feel free to scroll if this isn't for you. I should be sleeping but whatever.)

When I first became a fan of Joseph back in 2022, I was genuinely rooting for him. I was thrilled when he was cast in AQPDO and Gladiator II,even if those weren't the types of movies I usually enjoy. I wasn't as enthusiastic about FF, since I always felt he had more potential in indie or independent films. Still, I was ready to support him because I was a true fan. There’s a little story I’ve never shared before (but maybe some of you will relate to it before everything with the DC stuff unfolded).

Like many women, I've had my share of terrifying experiences with men, many of which happened when I was a minor, being chased by older men, catcalled, and even touched inappropriately on public transport. These moments left me with social anxiety that only worsened after high school. I wouldn’t leave the house unless I was sure I’d be accompanied by someone I trusted. The idea of going out alone was terrifying. I canceled plans often and sometimes felt ashamed for being “an adult” who was too anxious to leave her own home.

Then, when I became a fan of Joe, I saw photos and videos of him walking around London. I know this may sound silly, but I thought to myself, “He looks so confident. He doesn’t seem to care about walking alone. I want to be like that.” A few weeks later, I worked up the courage to go outside by myself, no friends, no one, just me. It was incredibly scary, but I did it. I even laughed a little, thinking that I did it just because I wanted to seem as cool and carefree as Joe.

I always thought he’d be the type of person who might understand a struggle like that. But after seeing who he chose to date, I can't help but feel disheartened. It makes me wonder if he would laugh at my struggles alongside Doja. It stings and makes me feel a bit insecure, even though I know deep down I was never going to meet him. Yet, the thought that people like him and Doja exist, and that I could cross paths with people who share their mindset, fills me with dread.

This might sound ridiculous to some, but for many years, being a fan provided a sense of safety. I truly believed it would be the same with Joe, I was happy to be a part of his fandom for the past two years. Now I realise that there isn’t any real “safe place” in celebrity culture. It saddens me deeply that people with money, fame, and status often get away with so much. Selfish people who hurt others continue to thrive, while the rest of us have to endure and “just deal with it” because that’s how the world works.

What makes it worse is knowing that, in the end, he really doesn’t care,his fans don’t care, the industry doesn’t care. As long as he and Doja bring in money, they’ll keep thriving. And even if their moment in the spotlight fades, they’ve already secured enough to live comfortably forever.

If they’re still happily together or just hooking up or whatever I just find it so disappointing and disgusting.

I’m just tired, man.

[fitgirlfemdom]

The story you made about the pathetic NEET gooner who let himself go is literally me.

It did start small. I was coming off of a high in regards to everything, super promising schooling and I made it into a fairly prestigious lab in college where I still work. But from freshman to senior year, while my schoolwork has been fine, I’ve pretty much watched myself fall from extremely sociable, charming all the way to monstrous fatty sneaking out of my dorm room (which is more of a league of legends/weed/feedist porn dungeon) to pick up my 3rd ubereats of the night while girls look at me judgingly.

And literally the best part is that I glance back up at them, wearing my oversized sweater that’s getting tighter and tighter, and I can’t help but feel so good. It’s amazing when I get into the elevator with rowdy college girls and all they have to make conversation with me is the fact that I’m holding a bag that obviously contains a shit ton of fast food.

I have, seldomly, gotten into the elevator at my dorm with fat girls who appear to be in my boat with regards to overeating ubereats. When that happens, it’s like two people who desperately want out but understand that each other poses no harm in judgment.

In this way, I’ve gained around 90 pounds in 3 years (most of it was in 1 year, so I could easily push it to 150 pounds overall), making me 5’6, 220 pounds.

I have also dabbled in the whole cock rating fetish. I once requested a rating from a super muscular Onlyfans acc where I gave a before pic (for physique) and an after pic.. The next few nights, I downed so much heavy cream and melted ice cream that I had to call off work.

I love the Berserk theme btw. Farnese is by far my fav character.

Oh yeah I love Farnese too! Such a great personality :D

I also wouldn't consider you a NEET, judging by how you're literally in college and that cancels out the first two letters. I see a lot of people, especially on tiktok and twitter, conflating "NEET" with "terminally online nerd." For fetish purposes, though, they look the same, and smell the same, so I guess I can let it slide.

a little bit of rambling:

I think the reason I'm so attracted to fat degenerate nerd losers is not just because they're a lot easier to please, but they also know exactly what they want and where they stand. It's the same with girls--I'm much more interested in chubby, awkward, dyed-hair nerd girls than the girls that called me a bulldyke in high school.

"High-value" men and women in my age group (or whatever they like calling themselves) have no interests beyond vague terms like "traveling" or "doggos" or whatever else I've seen on Hinge. The women are also extremely hesitant about actually getting with women (bicurious) while the men just expect you to worship the ground they walk on, for no reason. I dated a 4.0 gpa gymbro and it was exhausting how insecure, manipulative, and immature he was. no self-awareness at all, just pure narcissism. It's incredibly self-deprecating to worship someone that doesn't impress you.

I've also dated a chubby nerd, and while he wasn't a very good boyfriend, he knew what he liked, and he worshipped me in the bedroom. Our sex life was the reason I stayed.

This is all to say, yeah, those girls are going to be judging you and thinking they'd rather swallow glass than kiss you. they won't be happy, though, with their physically active partners. bodies truly do not represent how good someone can fuck, or love, really. i know this is all a fetish, and it IS hot to have a food-waste-filled goon cave, but outside of all this, you will be loved, and you seem really cool. even tho casca is better.

[zhonks]

- Valse sentimentale - Fyodor D. x ballerina!fem!reader

When Fyodor meets a charming girl who asks him to play cello for her

Words : 1414

Warning : none

Tags : fluff ? She/her!reader Falling in love/ love at first sight, cringe and cliché, Mentioned Nikolai, tried to make it romantic. Maybe a little bit OOC.

A/N: There will probably be some mistakes in this fic I apologize! English isn’t my first language 🩷

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･ ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

Fyodor wasn’t the type interested in romantic relationships, that was before he met her, in a music shop. He was searching for a recording of his favorite Tchaikovsky songs when his shoulder bumped into hers, causing him to drop the CD he was holding. She apologized immediately, worried she could have hurt him.

“- Oh ! I’m so sorry ! Are you okay ? Wait let me get that for you!”

Before he could even respond she was kneeling to fetch all of the fallen CDs.

“- No need to apologize dear, I should’ve been more careful” he lowered his head, bowing a bit as to excuse himself.

She handed him the CDs, allowing Fyodor to see what music she had purchased, he smiled :

“-Tchaikovsky, huh ? Good taste”

She glanced at his pick,

“-So you’re also a fan ?” She laughed.

“-I guess you could say that” he retrieved the CDs from her hands.

The girl felt a chill go up her spine as her hand brushed his, of course, he noticed she tensed up at his touch.

“-I actually really enjoy playing the cello myself, Tchaikovsky’s works are definitely my favorite to play. Just the way his pieces move and speak to your emotions is just incredible.” He continued.

“-Ah really ? That’s awesome ! For how long have you been playing ?” She asked excitedly.

“-A really long time, he said with a breathy laugh, perhaps over 10 years now.

-10 years ? Wow that’s so so so amazing ! I’m sorry I’m just really happy to meet someone who enjoys cello as much as I do!

-Do you play yourself ? He asked curiously

-No, hahaha, actually I’m a ballerina” the girl smiled.

“-you know what ? Maybe we should do something together someday!” She continued.

Fyodor’s eyebrows rose, his interest was picked.

“-Dancing with a beautiful ballerina is something I would definitely be a fan of,

he said with a grin, it seemed he really enjoyed the idea of that,

Do you perform at dance shows? I’d definitely love to come and see you dance.”

She looked away in embarrassment, slightly blushing from his words :

“-I’m not, I’m more of a solo type of dancer… Sorry if this sounds weird, I was thinking about maybe just meeting up.. the two of us ?”

He could tell by her flushed face that she was clearly flustered, this made his heart flutter with joy. The idea of a pretty girl like her dancing for him made him so happy. It was almost too good to be true. He just couldn't help himself, he was truly in love with this idea, even if he indeed thought she was a bit naive, asking such a thing to a complete stranger. Luckily for her, he had no ill intentions.

“-Yes, please. I would absolutely love that.”

“-Cool ! I’m so happy ! I’ll let you know when I’m ready is that okay with you!”

she said fidgeting with her skirt

“-Yes, that is more than okay with me. I will be waiting, just let me know when you are ready.”

he said in a warm and understanding tone.

The two of them exchanged numbers before parting ways.

Fyodor’s heart felt strangely light the days following their encounter. That was so out of character that Nikolai noticed immediately during the decay of angels’ usual meetings.

“-Dostoy, you seem out of it these days ? Did something happen” the clown asked, leaning over the table.

His chin resting in his hands, he answered blankly:

“-No, nothing. Let’s focus on the meeting shall we”

Of course he was lying. She asked him to meet just after the meeting and his usual icy heart felt like it was slowly melting from the inside every time she came in his mind. Everything about her, her bubbly and charming personality, her beautiful hair swaying in the wind, her eyes sparkling when she smiled. She was just oh so lovely, he couldn’t believe he was feeling this way towards another human being. She must’ve been an angel, sent for him down on this filthy earth and he was the only person who could protect her from the disgusting corruption of this world. The meeting came to an end, Fyodor adjusted his coat on his shoulders and politely excused himself. Leaving Nikolai even more suspicious, as Fyodor usually wasn’t the first person to leave.

They had agreed to meet in an abandoned church near the music shop where they met. When he arrived, the girl was already waiting at the door, typing nervously on her phone.

“-Hi there my dear [name]” he smiled

“-Fyodor ! Hi !” She greeted back.

She was holding a bag in which he assumed was her point shoes. She had black tights under black shorts, her top was a sleeveless black leotard.

She was really fearless, such a pretty girl meeting a stranger in this part of town during night. He admired her boldness but worried about what could’ve happened to her if she came to someone else instead of him a few days prior.

Once inside, she took a few minutes to warm up and get her point shoes on, when she came back to Fyodor, he was waiting sat on a chair with the cello he had previously been carrying on his back resting between his legs.

The moment she came back into the room he could feel his heart racing in his chest from the pure infatuation he felt for her at that moment. She was so stunning and beautiful, she left him speechless. Fyodor was hypnotized by her, He couldn't quite describe it; even if he were to try. She was definitely an angel.

She was playing nervously with her hair ;

“-So what song should we do ?” She asked.

Fyodor got the impression that she was more than a little flustered at the moment, he could tell from the look she gave him.

“-How about... you pick?”

He said in a warm voice, looking her in the eyes as he smiled lovingly. Her blush was so beautiful, he found himself so enamored by her beauty. Just looking at her left him in awe. He didn't know what she chose, but he was excited to see her dance to any music. She took a minute to think, then her eyes glowed as she answered with a lovely smile :

“-Do you know Valse sentimentale ?”

Fyodor chuckled softly :

“-Yes I do, it is one of my favorite songs to play.”

“-Awesome !” She responded happily.

As she got in position, he warmed up a bit, sliding the bow delicately on the chords. The church’s high ceiling made its sound resonate beautifully in the building.

When they were both ready, they looked at each other. Fyodor counted :

“-3, 4..”

He began to play the song. His soft fingers danced across the strings and his bow flowed gently across the chords of the cello as he played beautifully. Fyodor was just so immersed in the music and how the ballerina in front of him accompanied the notes, she was uniting with the melody, her movements were mesmerizing. The piece he was playing was just so beautiful, almost as much as her. In this moment, everything felt so perfect, the way both of them were so lost in the music, the sight of her dancing, the sound of the cello, it all just was truly beautiful.

The music ended, she looked up at him with a smile. They stared at each other for a bit before she adverted her eyes.

“-That was truly beautiful, I mean it” he complimented. Her cheeks heated up at his kind words.

“-Your music also is, it’s unbelievable how good you make it sound”

The whole situation was truly magical.

“-You are like a flower, so beautiful and elegant. There aren't enough words to describe your beauty. Your mere touch is enough to make my whole soul feel alive my dear” Fyodor smiled lovingly, as he took her hand in his, causing her brain to disconnect, she felt like she was going to explode.

“-So that’s what you were thinking about during the meeting Dostoy, why didn’t you tell me it was all about this cutie right here” a teasing voice echoed on the rock walls of the silent church.

They turned their heads towards the origins of that voice. A certain white haired clown grinned at the two of them from across the room.

[themisinformer]

Opinion: If Homosexuality Isn’t Contagious, Then How Come I Get Homosexual Thoughts Whenever I’m Around My Gay Cousin?

Nowadays, we live in an age where the LGBT agenda is being shoved down everyone’s throats. Back when I was a kid, there was no such thing as “bisexual” or “transgender” or whatever, we were all just proud Americans. But now that we gave this LGBT Mafia of sorts a little bit of power, they want to use it so they can brainwash us all into becoming gay ourselves so they can take over the world.

Now, many of you guys may think I’m being extreme when I say this. Many of you have probably already written me off as some crazy “conspiracy theorist.” But my friends, I’m not just talking out of my ass right now. What I’m saying comes from my own personal experience.

My whole life, I’ve been nothing but a full blooded heterosexual man. Not once in my whole life did I have even have an ounce of homosexual tendencies. I was just your average American man who loved Monday Night Football, wings, and beer. That was until my cousin Danny came out as gay a few years ago.

Then, all of a sudden, I began to experience some “complicated” thoughts, so to speak. Danny was cool, funny, charming… He was Denny, and I just couldn’t get enough of him. These thoughts quickly turned sexual, and at that moment I just knew that Danny had had this planned up his sleeve this whole time.

You see, Danny had been infected with the gay, and there he was trying to infect me too. Like I said, as a part of the homosexual plot to take over the whole world. Whenever I try to explain this to people, they always just shut me down. My friends, my therapist, even Danny himself have all tried to assure me that you can’t just “catch” the gay like you might catch a cold.

But if that were the case, then how come I feel sudden urges to go vintage shopping and to discuss Beyoncé’s “Lemonade” only whenever Denny is around? It just goes to show how many people the LGBT Mafia have already brainwashed.

Before Danny came out, I was just a regular, straightforward guy. I used to do manly shit like watch Football and argue with people on Twitter about Donald Trump and Elon Musk. But now I see myself obsessing over pop divas and doing DIY projects. So why, I ask, have these thoughts crept in only after Danny became “openly” gay?

Maybe the LGBT Mafia really does have these powers that us straight folk are only beginning to understand. Ever since Danny became openly gay, I find myself more interested in exploring my “soft side.” Coincidence? I think not. He may say that he just wants to be himself, but every time he offers me a face mask or suggests that we go to the karaoke bar together, I can’t help but feel like I’m being gently lured into his flamboyant way of life.

But hey, maybe I’m just overthinking things. Maybe these feelings truly are harmless. Maybe this is just some friendly empathy that I’m feeling, or maybe Danny’s enthusiasm is inspiring my own self reflection. Or… Maybe not.

And so, I still remain deeply suspicious. So if homosexuality really isn’t contagious, then why, oh why, does every brunch place suddenly sound so appealing to me now? Why do I want to try Kombucha and actually learn how to dance? Danny may say that it’s just me being “open minded,” but open minded or not, I just can’t help but wonder if maybe… Just maybe… This contagion theory is more true than anyone is willing to admit.

[iamshay]

I miss camping. It's so refreshing to connect with nature and cook food over a campfire. I also love falling asleep to the sounds of crickets and waves.

Lately, I've been watching camping content because of how much I miss it. These Asian YouTubers have really cool camping equipment, and I'm definitely taking notes on what to buy. When it comes to camping, Norway has some of the best spots.

Hopefully, next year things will get better here once Trump officially takes office. I’m hoping he can help get rid of inflation so I can pay off my debts and start saving for a house and a car. Then, I can start working toward buying camping gear and IRL camera equipment.

If things don’t improve, Norway might not be for me anymore. I’ll need to start working on applying for dual citizenship in another country. I’m thinking about moving to Dubai, especially since most people I know have already moved there because of how bad things have gotten in Norway with rising prices.

Tax return season reports is coming up, and like I pay way too much in taxes just for it to go to Ukraine. People steal our money by crying wolf and playing the victim, while Norway lets its own citizens suffer just to seem relevant and flex about helping others. They need to prioritize their own people first. Instead, they allow illegal immigration and tolerate so many junkies, like the ones I’ve dealt with online. This is why I see those doing drugs as beneath me degenerate people.

In Dubai, you don’t see junkies or this kind of degeneracy. I miss being around my own people anyway people who share the same beliefs and opinions as me. I could easily stream in Dubai, and it might actually be better. I could create cool content, like riding cars in the desert or visiting exotic animals. I’ve already found a zoo and have been talking to someone who works there. They’ve been so welcoming and encouraged me to visit.

I just need to move away; I’ve been in this country for too long. I’m not happy here and don’t feel connected to it anymore. I have no passion for socializing with people here. Since my dad passed away in 2013, I’ve kind of isolated myself. Losing him made me feel like I lost my purpose, and being here brings back too many memories of him.

If I truly want to move on with my life, I need to get away from here. The happiest time of my life was my childhood, even though I lived in a war environment. I was surrounded by my own people who shared the same beliefs and didn’t act like animals the way many degenerate people do now willing to harm others for money and clout.

In Dubai, you don’t see that. It’s a safe place where, if someone harasses, threatens, or steals, the government takes action by jailing and punishing them. This is why people in Dubai are so happy everyone has their own money and success, so there’s no jealousy. People are too focused on their own happiness and lives to worry about others unnecessarily.

They respect and follow the law because they understand the boundaries and rules, which is what makes Dubai work so well. In contrast, Western Europe feels like a zoo. Honestly, even zoo animals behave more humanely than many people do here, as humans now act like wild animals.

I have so much debt to pay off, so it might take me a few years if inflation doesn’t go away. If Trump ends up being the worst president, it would be surprising because during his last four years, prices were low. Who knows maybe he could change for the worse this time. Maybe he’ll focus on revenge, causing other people to suffer just so he can go after his enemies and act like an asshole.

Anyways lovelies. I am going rest for today. No stream today either. On break atm.

Xo

Shay

[novelmonger]

Sorry, i know this is a bit random, but i recall you wrote ages ago that Carol Berg helped you get over disowning Robin Hobb as your favourite author (did i get that right?), and being familiar with both authors myself, I couldn't help but wonder what’s the story there? :) (just discard this if it's something very personal)

Ohhh, impressive memory! Yeah, I don't mind sharing, if you'll forgive me for being a little dramatic about the matter...and long-winded ^^'

(To be clear, the only Robin Hobb books I've read are the Farseer Trilogy, Fool's Errand, and The Golden Fool. The only Carol Berg books I've read so far are The Spirit Lens and The Soul Mirror.)

I was first introduced to Robin Hobb when my brother gave me the Farseer Trilogy when he went off to college, a year before I did the same. That was a very weird and stressful in-between sort of year, one where I really needed some other world to escape to, so I utterly devoured that trilogy.

Assassin's Apprentice, especially, really grabbed my imagination (and is the one book of hers I still have on my shelf). In many ways, it's the kind of story I hope to be able to write one day. It's high fantasy, with magic and kings and queens (and eventually dragons, but not in that particular book), but it feels very grounded. It doesn't brush aside some of the more sordid aspects of medieval life, while not making everything feel grungy and ugly like some grimdark stories I could name. There is ugliness, but there is also beauty - in realistic measures that makes the world feel like one that actually exists somewhere.

I also loved how deeply emotional Robin Hobb's writing was. I immediately felt like I was living under Fitz's skin, feeling things as he felt them. It's not rare for me to cry when reading a good book, but there were several scenes where it really struck me hard and I just sobbed my heart out. (I'm particularly thinking of the last scenes with Smithy and Nighteyes, as well as Fitz saying goodbye to Burrich in...I think that was the third book?) A lot of fantasy in general, and especially the books I'd been reading around that time, were much more plot-focused, so even when the worlds were cool and the plot was engaging, I wouldn't get hit with emotion that strongly. Robin Hobb really stood out in that regard, because while her stories have intricate plots, they're also intimately characterized. I don't think there was a single character in that series who felt flat.

Besides that, Fitz is a very sympathetic character, especially in the first book when he's just a kid who doesn't fully understand what's going on - and I've always had a thing for lonely little boys. And then there's his animal companions! Nosey! Smithy! Nighteyes! (Oh my word, Nighteyes alk;djfsdlkjf) And I also really liked a lot of the human secondary characters, especially Burrich, Kettricken, and Verity.

But more than anyone else, my favorite character, at least from the second book onward, was the Fool. He was so kooky and weird, so mysterious, so multi-faceted. One minute he seems almost half-witted, the next he rattles off something truly wise. And certainly by the end of the Farseer Trilogy, I adored the way his relationship was unfolding with Fitz. It seemed like everything I've always wanted and so rarely seem to find: two men who trust each other with their lives, who would die for each other, who aren't afraid of telling each other that they love each other, without even a question of romance.

Well. If you've read the Tawny Man trilogy, you might be able to guess some of where this is going.

I think my main problem was identifying too closely with the writing. I didn't just say, "Robin Hobb is my favorite author!" or "Robin Hobb is my writing role model!" It was like...because I recognized multiple very important things in her writing that I also wanted to achieve in my own writing, I went beyond simply trying to learn from a master and skipping ahead to assuming that she would craft her stories the same way I would in ten, twenty, thirty years. Like the only difference between us was time and experience, like we had the same values and the same ideas about characters and stories.

(To draw a contrast, I would now say that my primary writing role model is Brandon Sanderson. I really admire his worldbuilding and the way he crafts compelling plots and interesting magic systems but also does really well with making characters interesting and realistic, so I can enjoy a breathtaking plot and also sob my heart out in the emotional scenes. And I also really like the way he writes romances. But while I know there's lots I can learn from him, we write very different stories. I don't really have any aspirations to write epic fantasy with huge, sprawling casts and intricate magic systems. I'm much more interested in smaller, standalone stories that focus on just a few characters who might not even be saving the world. So it's much easier to read his books and go, "Wow, that was awesome! I have so much to learn from him! But I would never have written XYZ that way.")

Looking back, I can see a lot of red flags that should have jolted me out of this weird way I was reading Robin Hobb, things that should have clued me in much earlier that it wasn't just that Robin Hobb is a much better writer with ages more experience than me, it's also that we have very different ideas of how to handle a story and its characters. If I'd noticed sooner, maybe I would have been able to just enjoy her books for what they are instead of imagining that they were something else and then getting sucker-punched when I couldn't deny the truth any longer.

One indicator was Robin Hobb's stance on fanfiction. She took her rant down from her website, so I suppose it could be that her opinion of fanfiction has changed, but she's still on the forbidden list on FFNet, for whatever that's worth. Anyway, my point is simply that anyone who ever felt that strongly against fanfiction is clearly not someone who sees eye to eye with me on everything XD

Another interesting point is how, now that I've put several years between me and these books, I see how kind of...excessive Robin Hobb could be with all the horrible things that happen to her protagonist? Don't get me wrong, I love angst and whump probably more than I should, and it made for some really dramatic and nail-biting plots because it was clear that she wouldn't balk at going so far as to permanently maim Fitz if she thought the story called for it. Worse than that, she kept on tearing away everyone he loved in one way or another. There is so much pain and darkness in these books, and Fitz always seems to come out the worse for it, despite all of his efforts. If I'd been writing the stories, I would have given him a bit more of a break here and there ^^'

More to the point, though, is the way Robin Hobb handles romance. I knew from the second book (when Fitz is actually old enough to have romantic entanglements) that I did not care for her romances whatsoever. I don't think there was a single romance in any of the books I read of hers that I whole-heartedly liked without any reservations. (Kettricken and Verity came closest, but we hardly even see them together, and then there's that whole thing with Fitz....) Content-wise, they're not the most graphic scenes I've flipped past read, but the way Fitz never fails to make the absolute worst choices when it comes to romance, and the way he never fully commits to any of his romantic partners...like, I get it (at least sometimes), but I don't respect it.

Normally, I wouldn't keep going with an author who puts so much sexual content into her stories, even if it's not usually described in much detail. I would have gotten fed up with Fitz's dumb romances...but I really liked everything else about the books, so I persevered. Even if Robin Hobb's romances were crap, at least she was doing a really good job at making me care about all the other relationships. At least she was doing something I'd so rarely seen, with Fitz and the Fool's close friendship. There was no drama there. No dumb misunderstandings or stupid choices.

Until there was.

When I got to a certain scene in The Golden Fool, where rumors abound about the Fool's sexuality and Fitz finally confronts him (for the second time) and is like, "There's nothing romantic going on between us, right???" I was crushed by the Fool's response. I was waiting for another scene kind of like the one in...Assassin's Quest, I think it was, where he asks a similar question and the Fool's answer is basically, "Why does it matter? I love you, that's all." Instead of that, the Fool's response leads Fitz to understand that the Fool is in love with him (I don't have the book anymore, but I seem to remember the line going something like, "I love you in every way possible."), and he handles it as well as Fitz ever does, which is to say, terribly.

That was the moment where everything came crashing down. I don't know, maybe no one will really understand why that was such a big deal to me, but it was like all of a sudden I couldn't fool myself anymore, and I saw that Robin Hobb was taking the relationship in a direction I never wanted it to go. I wanted it to be the one uncomplicated relationship Fitz still had. I wanted it to go without saying that they loved each other, but not romantically. In that moment, I realized I didn't care what the answer to the mysterious things about the Fool's identity was. I didn't care if the resolution of it all ended up being that the Fool was a woman after all, or that he's some kind of androgynous or hermaphrodite creature, or that he ended up being a dragon or a fairy or anything else. I didn't care what the answer was, because I didn't want them to ask the question in the first place.

It was the weirdest feeling. Like...usually, if I make it past a certain point in a book, nothing short of a graphic sex scene or something truly horrible will make me stop reading it, even if I'm bored and don't care anymore. I usually at least want to see how things end. But when I got to that scene of this series I was deeply invested in, that had made me cry and smile so many times...all of a sudden, I didn't care at all. I didn't care if everybody died horrible deaths. Because the magic was shattered, and suddenly I was looking at letters printed on a page that I didn't much care for, rather than a vibrant world passing before my eyes.

So I kept Assassin's Apprentice, because I still think Robin Hobb is an excellent writer, and that's the one book in the series that doesn't have any romance for Fitz to screw up. But I sold all the other books, and have never felt even the slightest urge to read any more of her writing.

At long last, this is the part where Carol Berg comes in! I don't remember how long it had been since I disowned Robin Hobb as my favorite fantasy author, but at one point I picked up The Spirit Lens. I don't know if you'll agree with me or not, but I noticed a lot of similarities to Robin Hobb's stories. The way Portier hides in plain sight but is the one who really gets things done in the kingdom. The way the fantasy is magical and interesting, but still very grounded, paying attention to things like the workings of the court and such. The exquisitely horrible torture Portier suffers.

But most of all, my favorite character, Ilario de Sylvae! 8D The second he came on the page, I sat up straight, feeling like I'd just heard a familiar voice. Not necessarily because of his actual voice, but his character is so reminiscent of the Fool! Pretending to be a foppish rich boy who faints on couches at the sight of blood, only to reveal he's actually very serious, very skilled, and has a heart of gold. He comes through for his friends in the nick of time. He cares deeply for Portier, especially, but there's not a hint of romance between them. (At least, not in the two books I've read. I picked up on what might be some hints as to his sexuality, or at least the hints of questions, so if that becomes a thing in the third book, I guess I'm wrong about this. But so far I don't see any of that between him and Portier.)

So it's really interesting, because I was so enamored with Robin Hobb's stories, just blown away by the sheer emotion, but while I've enjoyed Carol Berg so far, I wouldn't say she's in my top five or anything. I think she's an excellent author and I really do love her characters, but I don't think they've made me cry so far. And yet, reading The Spirit Lens kind of healed the wound left by The Golden Fool. I'm not expecting Carol Berg to write the story exactly the way I would - in fact, I don't think I would ever get to the point of writing that particular story! - but that frees me to just enjoy a good story well told. And I can see echoes of Fitz and the Fool in Portier and Ilario, without any of the qualities that aggravated me so much. Like I can finally get the resolution I didn't realize I still needed.

Anyway, that's my story! Hopefully I didn't bore you to tears! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the two authors.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello! I've been following you for a while and you've given really good insights about types (I was quite blown by the way you've been able to read into INFJ's shame and what not. It was really cool to read.)

Anyway, I am an ENTP and recently I've realized that my sense of empathy is rather odd…I am able to understand others, I can predict how certain things may affect others emotionally within logic, however my sense of empathy never truly reaches me. I know it sounds a little weird, but truly I find so hard to be moved by things that often move others, or to care beyond the basic courtesy. I can understand how and why someone feels in x way, however said empathy often comes from logic more than actually feeling in the shoes of others.

At the same time, I take my sweet time when it comes to understand my own feelings. Like, I can experience something that leaves me feeling weird and take a whole day, nap included, just to realize I'm kinda angry or sad or surprised. This inability to guide myself through my own feelings or even experience what others experience has caused me some troubles through the years, because of course, despite being able to read others, one is bound to fail or misunderstand at some point.

From running my mouth, having bad timing, to doing hurtful stuff that in my view were not hurtful at that moment (because I somehow reached the wrong conclusion in my attempt for empathy) I often find myself a little on the sideway when it comes to feelings of vulnerability, to the point I even end up pushing myself through stuff that makes me uncomfortable after I failed to understand I was weirded out on time; or even the opposite when I end up stating that I am really angry just to realize I didn't even cared that much.

The fact that I am a woman and people tend to expect women to be more sympathetic doesn't help either, so it's not rare for a group of people who knows me superficially to think that I am too reactionary/intimidating/out of reach/aggresive/harsh when in fact most of the time I'm trying to be friendly and outspoken, all while my inner circle define me as very lighthearted and even motherly. And, keep in mind, I am actually very adjusted socially, quite functional. I'm the type of person who will push through depression and very bad scenarios out of will which has been incredibly useful in dark times, but again I wonder if it was less will and more me not being vulnerable at all.

So, do you think this is some kind of failing in my Fe? Is this something that happens often to ENTP's or maybe I should check on other things like mental health etc? Do you have tips that could help me being more understanding of my own feelings? (Thank you before hand!)

-------------------

Generally speaking, the focus of therapeutic psychology is mainly on the individual. Behavior is labelled "problematic" when it causes pain and suffering and negatively impacts one's ability to live life in the manner one aspires to. It is a self-evaluation. Since you claim to be functional in daily life, there is no reason to believe that you have any mental health problem or disorder.

However, abnormal psychology is but one of many perspectives through which to understand the human mind. E.g. What about highly functional yet existentially unhappy people? What about people who live a comfortable life but still yearn? What about people skilled at brushing aside issues to keep moving forward in life?

These people might not suffer from any serious mental disorder, but that doesn't mean there isn't enormous room for improvement. The subfield of psychoanalytic psychology helps people get to know themselves more deeply. The subfield of humanistic psychology helps people understand and fulfill their needs better. The subfield of positive psychology was created to tackle subjects like: how to live a better quality of life; how to flourish and thrive; how to realize greater potential.

You've described a psychological "issue" that you struggle with at times, but not to the extent that it poses a serious problem. Whether this issue is common for ENTPs with tertiary Fe is not the right question to ask. If I say "yes", then what? If I say "no", then what? Unless your behavior is very harmful, it's not for me or anyone else to tell you that there's something "wrong" with you. I don't want to play the role of judge and jury.

The question boils down to: What, if anything, do YOU want to do about this issue? The motivation to change shouldn't come from me saying that there's something "wrong" with you, as though I'm your parent. You should have some kind of intrinsic motivation, stemming from deep within your own soul, to improve yourself and your life. Unfortunately, without this intrinsic motivation, many people end up choosing unhealthy paths to self-improvement.

From your description, you have the capability to be emotionally aware and empathetic. However, "capability" is different than "ability". A capability is something you can potentially do but perhaps lack the knowledge or skill or will to do well. An ability is what you possess after you've put in the necessary hard work to learn the knowledge and skill required to do something well.

Of course, there are certain capabilities that are harder to develop for some people than others due to genetic predisposition. But this shouldn't be a barrier for anyone seeking personal growth for the right reasons. When you have the right intrinsic motivation, you understand that self-improvement isn't about being "the best" but about being a better you.

At any point in life, you get to choose to be a better you by turning your capabilities into abilities, by realizing more of your potential. To be clear, there's nothing "wrong" with refusing to. However, when you refuse, are you making the choice consciously, fully aware of the implications? Refusing essentially means you will never truly know that aspect of yourself nor see its benefits. And then you are likely to feel a strange "hole" in your existence, as though part of you is missing.

How does this relate to tertiary Fe? Generally speaking, people have plenty of capability or latent potential with the tertiary function. However, to develop latent potential and learn how to use the tertiary optimally requires a lot of difficult self-work. Why is the tertiary difficult to develop? Two main reasons:

1) It can only come after sufficient auxiliary development, which is hard enough. It sounds like your grasp of Ti is average at best, perhaps immature but not unhealthy. You use Ti in its most basic form to understand and solve problems, including human problems. However, it seems you haven't yet learned how to use it optimally to turn your capabilities into abilities.

2) People often don't understand the true value of the tertiary function and perhaps even unconsciously resist developing it in the right way. Most people use it merely as a tool to gain some egotistical advantage but then discard it whenever it becomes inconvenient. Does this not encapsulate your relationship to emotional life?

Chasing the good aspects while rejecting the bad means you don't have a full appreciation of the function. If you care about Fe, which includes having a healthier relationship to your emotional life, then you must learn to appreciate its true value and WANT it. Nobody can convince you or force you to develop a function that you overlook, ignore, or disdain as it suits you.

Gender may or may not play a role depending on how you choose to react to societal expectations. Rebellion against gender norms is sometimes necessary to promote fairness and equality, but it can also work against you, if you just end up resisting or rejecting things that are good for your personal growth.

As explained in the guide, type development is about improving your self-awareness, with the implication being that knowing yourself better allows you to make better judgments and decisions in life. It is entirely your decision as to whether you're going to: stop devaluing Fe; become more aware of its role in your psychology; accept and embrace its presence with both its positive and negative aspects; and fully integrate it into your way of being.

If you choose to take your personal growth in this direction, your emotional awareness will certainly improve which in turn will help improve your empathy for others. I've explained before that empathy requires both the cognitive and emotional components to work at its best. So far, you have favored the cognitive (as it relates to Ti) and been resistant to the emotional (as it relates to Fe). Rectifying this imbalance requires proper auxiliary and tertiary development, such that they complement rather than interfere with each other.

I've already written about emotional intelligence and recommended books that provide advice for self-improvement. The tools already exist, so it is a matter of study and practice. You say you want to be more understanding of your feelings but then your actual behavior toward feelings suggests otherwise.

For example, instead of being patient and vulnerable and listening to feelings in order to become more aware of them, you treat them as alien or as a nuisance, unwilling to take full responsibility for them. In terms of type development, it is this kind of ambivalence that keeps people stuck in a rut.

In short, is your question really about whether you "can" do it, or is it really about whether you have enough will to change and grow? Until this is clarified, your true purpose remains muddled, and that will continually limit and slow your progress.

[oh-contraire]

Coming back to fandom

Okay so it's been like 15 years since I've been properly excited about a fandom, so I didn't expect to be sitting here in my 40s, supposedly a serious adult with a real job and a real life (such as it is), having fallen even more deeply in love with Good Omens, a show based on a book that I've loved for over 20 years, a story that's always been there for me, this lovely little comfort read with a life-affirming message, and that has now eaten my entire brain and made it abundantly clear that I'll be stuck right here at least until season 3 comes out and gives me that beautiful everything-is-as-it-should-be cathartic resolution and I can finally rest and go back to real life (ha!)

I certainly didn't expect for this silly show about angels and demons to help me figure out this late in my life that I'm non-binary, to have all those parts of myself that I didn't quite understand suddenly start to make sense. I didn't expect to actually start to really own my queerness - which as a perpetually single person at my age, who's straight-enough-passing to not have to hang it all out there, while simultaneously being lucky enough to exist in a group of friends where queerness is basically the default and you'd almost have to come out as straight (old goths are the best) - is such a powerful experience, and is helping me figure out what the next part of my life will be and what the hell I'm doing around here.

The last time I was in a fandom, I was young (well, compared to now). I had parents who were still alive, who I was close to, and who I could share my excitement with. I've got beautiful memories of travelling from Australia to Europe with my mum in 2008, the last time we'd ever do that, of spending a couple of days of our precious holiday at Cardiff Bay watching the post-hub explosion scene in Torchwood Children of Earth being filmed, of her sneaking away and getting GDL's autograph for me on a random piece of paper, when I was too mortified to even consider it. I'll never watch Family of Blood or Utopia without remembering how I saw it for the first time with my dad, randomly flicking through channels and not really knowing what we were in for, and both of us experiencing that incredible, literally jaw dropping moment when Derek Jacobi was revealed as the Master, how I teasingly called him Father of Mine for years after that because it was such a wonderful shared moment for both of us (and because I was a totally cool and normal grown adult even then).

I never expected to fall straight back in love with Doctor Who after that, 15 years later, having lost both of my parents to awful illnesses, having tried to pretend that life, however fine it all was for the most part, hadn't had this constant undercurrent of existential dread, a horrible sense that from now on it would just be a series of losses, that all the things I loved would just fall away until there was nothing important left, that I could scramble for those little crumbs that felt like renewal or purpose but that ultimately felt hollow in the face of what seemed like an increasingly bleak and relentless world of serious things like work and mortgage payments and obligations and the whole thing of pretending to be a real adult doing Important Things.

I never expected just how healing, how utterly cathartic it would be to see 14 come back after all these years, older, tireder, after experiencing all that loss and grief, and to see them love so deeply, to see them find a new home, a new family, and to finally find a way to be actually, truly happy. I cried so much during that episode, and it felt like actual hope for the first time in years, like it helped to heal some part of myself that thought it would never be properly healed.

I'll never stop being in awe of how stories can do that. These silly little TV shows about angels and demons or time travel and the universe, which are really about humans and life and death and love and everything that's actually important, and which bring to the surface those deep truths that are hard to see among the minutiae of everyday life.

Stories are so powerful, and I'm so happy to feel excited about them again, and to have them weave their way back into the fabric of my life. So, thanks to RTD and @neil-gaiman for helping me find this feeling again, and thanks to fandom for continuing to exist while I figured out that this was one of the big parts that was missing from my life! <3

[starlight-archives]

This has been something I have been brewing for a long while now! Mainly because it really, really bothered me lmao

See, as iconic as Danganronpa is, the way they depicted a DID system is extremely problematic. I'm not a system myself but even I know the harmful stereotypes of "serial killer alters" and how DID is seen as something "scary" because of these harmful tropes. It is not something "quirky" and it is not something to be demonised. Depictions like these unfortunately lead to misconceptions about this disorder, which I once have had and have seen others have.

And thus, out of spite but also now full of love and passion, I have attempted a rewrite of Toko and Syo! My good homie @banooky (an actual system) has seen me ramble about this rewrite a number of times and has encouraged me to post about it here! Also give them a follow, they're really cool!

That being said, everything shall be under the cut!

First of all, for some context regarding pronouns and such, Syo is a male alter who uses he/him pronouns and is gay as hell. I do see Toko as being bi though!

Anyways, I obviously scrapped the serial killer aspect because that's gross as hell! Like what the fuck!!! That being said, Syo still was initially violent. Not because he's an "evil" alter but because he was a misguided protector who believed violence would protect the system, not realising it was actually stressing Toko out knowing "she" apparently attacked numerous people but not remembering any of it. Even seeing video proof and photos, she couldn't remember it and she was scared of herself for the longest time. They already had a shitty home life in the first place (I gesture towards the canon version of their backstory), so this behaviour only further aggravated their parents.

A lot of the time, Syo would fight (but not kill) those who tried to hurt Toko, whether it be physically or emotionally. He was also very angry at everything and everyone too, even yelling at Toko in their shared consciousness to "stay in line" and to "let him handle things" as he believed that this was the way to keep them safe.

Over time he does eventually become less violent, though he still is very quick to anger. Toko would do her best to supress him over the years once she had learned of his existence, though that did not work as he (and several other alters) would slip through the mental walls she'd attempt to put up against them. But what truly allowed Syo to calm down and reform was what I call a Naegi Intervention.

It had been a long time since he was able to front so the day he suddenly awoke and was front stuck the whole day, he was extremely disorientated. To the point he even put on the wrong uniform (and Toko had gotten both male and female uniforms because she did like the male uniforms but wouldn't have worn the male one in public, even if it seemed more comfortable than a skirt some days.)

Though despite the obvious confusion, most of the class assumed Toko (really Syo) was having an off day, though they were concerned. No one was close enough to Toko at the time though, so they were a little hesitant to ask if everything was okay. But through out the day, Naegi was the one who helped Syo around the school and even walked around with him to help him get his bearings under the assumption this was indeed Toko he was speaking to. The next day, Toko herself apologised and explained the situation to him out of fear Syo had done something terrible again but, Naegi was so confused. But he was indeed willing to learn and understand their situation! And, thus, Naegi became the first person they had ever trusted with knowing about their existence! Over time, Syo would grow less ans less hostile towards others and actually turned out to be a silly yet somewhat awkward kind of guy, though not afraid to speak his own opinion. He would even try to front more often just to speak to Naegi more and even started developing a little crush on him.

Ah but um. Speaking of crushes, Toko and Syo would make fun of each others tastes in men, especially once communication between the both of them becomes more easier. Syo desperately wants Toko to have better taste in men because she only ever goes after the red flags, but Toko thinks Syo's taste in men is boorrrinnngg— He would throw hands with her in their shared headspace over this but he can't bring himself to. If one ever sees them space out and it's not related to them being triggered, they are arguing over who's taste in better. /j

I'm also yet to think of who they would be specifically, but they would also have several other alters in their system! I wouldn't even be surprised if they had many, many introjects from not only the books they would read for comfort in their youth but also the characters from the novels Toko has written. But both Toko and Syo are simply the main fronters. And, hmm, I like to believe that due to Toko's creativity, they have a decent grasp of visualising their inner landscape. Initially, they would have perceived it as a dark set of rooms, but it eventually flourished into a cozy little village by the sea. It's sort of their dream place to be in, in the outer world. They'd love to live in a cozy house by the sea.

I also like to think that over time, they would have gotten comfortable enough with the rest of the cast that they'd allow them to know of their existence too, and be more purposefully covert in their switches. For example, when they have an idea of who'd be fronting for at least the majority of the day, they coordinate their clothing to be more masculine if Syo is the main fronter that day and to be more feminine if it's Toko. But on days they're less certain, especially if they're feeling like they may switch a number of times, they do have more easy to switch cues like their hairstyle (braids for Toko and ponytails for Syo) or bracelets if adjusting their hair turns out to be too much effort a particular day. It really depends on several factors. I also like to think that they also started living away from their family pretty young (and especially after gaining success with Toko's books), so this sort of coordination is safe for them now.

I also like to think that Syo would also get along with Mondo and would train with him too! I think it'd be cute as hell. I'm yet to think about their dynamic with other characters as of now, but I'll perhaps add onto this if I ever do! I'm.. not exactly that deep in the fandom these days anyway.

If I feel silly enough I may even draw this rewrite too!

[talenlee]

The 2025 Pitch

Hi, I’m Talen Lee. It’s 2025. This is my daily blog.

Here’s what to expect here, in the simplest term:

Every Friday, I put up a Game Pile article where I examine a game.

Every Wednesday, I put up a Dev Update article where I talk about what I’ve been doing in game dev that week.

Every Thursday, I put up a Story Pile article where I examine a non-game piece of media.

Wanna know more about what I write? Well, this is a daily blog, in which you can read things I think about the things I do for work and for fun. I’m interested in making games and I want to make sure you can see ways to make games. I want to make thinking about games clear, and I want to make sure academic resources about thinking about games are reasonably available.

Wanna know why you should listen to me? I have a degree in media and communications which I understand is a punchline, which I have used to focus on digital media and playful online creativity. Basically, I try to bring these concepts that are seen as ‘fancy’ to bear on things you’re familiar with and try to get people to take games and play and pop media as seriously as you should any text.

I’m one of those ‘everything is art’ people.

Wanna know more? Well, click the ‘more.’

Monthly Themes

The even numbered months of the year get themes! They are:

February is Smooch Month, where I talk about romantic media. I usually talk about at least one Hallmark branded movie here!

April is Talen Month, where I talk about things that matter to me personally, which often involves a degree of what’s called autoethnography.

June is Pride Month, which is about queer media.

August is Tricks Month, where I talk about magical tricks and illusions, lies and hoaxes, which are a favourite topic and so far, historically, usually features a weirdo who fought Nazis.

October is Dread Month, where I look into horror and darker topics, where I try to confine the grim topics.

December is Decemberween, a celebration of cool things I’ve seen through the year and all the other features of the blog can take a backseat.

Now, there are two secret hidden themes, which is January tends to be ‘everything left over from the previous year’ and November is ‘No Effort November’ where almost all the articles I’ve written throughout the year that didn’t have a home get chucked, meaning that that’s truly the disconnected weird brain worms stuff.

Topics

Anyway, I have a bunch of topics I like to revisit, regularly. Given the right circumstances, it turns out I can sometimes spend four or five days at a time talking about the same thing, and I would rather keep my work varied. It feels like a way to keep engaging in more things and avoids burning out on any topic that frustrates me. Always a new thing.

I have a list of subjects I consider the ‘one a month’ set: That is to say, to keep talking about things in a varied way, I have limited myself to at most one of each topic each month. These topics get about a thousand words at a time, it’s not something airy or empty, and that means I space out research for them, too. Those topics are Transformers, Pokemon, and The Locked Tomb.

I also write about Dungeons & Dragons a lot; I write about 4th edition D&D as the edition I enjoy playing to encourage people to try it, 3rd edition D&D as a historical artifact with problems to show what I’ve learned as a designer through working in such a weird space, and I write an article every month about my own D&D setting, Cobrin’Seil. Then in addition to the article about some specific part of Cobrin’Seil, I also write a Worldbuilding article which is about how to handle developing components in your world, on all levels of culture and interaction, and things you might do a good job of or worse and how to approach them in ways that I think are helpful.

Finally, because 4th edition was criticised for being a system that didn’t give you room to make interesting characters, I have a series called How To Be, which takes a character from a piece of media, and reinterprets them as a 4th edition character, with the intention that the build function easily early on.

Magic: The Gathering

Get a load of this, though, this card game designer, he talks about Magic: The Gathering! Yeah shocked I know. It’s a cool game! I like it! I play it pretty regularly, like, daily, and I can probably always talk to you about it, certainly if you approach me on reddit or kind.social.

I try to limit myself to a maximum of one article about Magic: The Gathering each month. This year with the release schedule we have, that means we’re basically going to have room for maybe four or five articles about specific topics and the rest are going to be – probably – about investigating the new set and seeing what design technology they introduce that I like. 2024 was honestly a wild year for establishing new design tech in Magic: The Gathering cards, and I want to talk about that.

Here’s the other thing I do: Every day, I share a custom Magic card I designed using art from artstation as part of a 365-card set that’s divided up along normal rarity and colour lines. This is a big undertaking, posted every single day, and back last year, my version of it was two posts a month, no matter what, meaning that Magic: The Gathering got something like 35 articles, and you had to be invested in the first 33 for the 34th to mean anything. Now, that article set is winding down, so there’s just a bit of cleanup for that set this year, and then, this year, there’s going to be one blog post about the year’s custom card set.

That set’s called Harrowed Night, the set code is HNT, and you can check it out, in full, in a few days. It’s still going to get a single card a day to reddit and kind.social, like I did last year, but if you want to look at the whole set, on day one, go for it. You can put everything in a meaningful context if you want and see my creator notes and everything.

Just Stuff About Me

There’s also two other features that I write, each month, one of which is a reflection on Christian Fundamentalism – specifically, Christian fundamentalism – and the connected faith of Christianity. These are all informed by my background being raised in a cult and spending a lot of time studying the Bible and coming to understand the problems with non-fundamentalist Christianity. I file this stuff under the heading of ‘fundie stuff.’

The other thing I write about once a month is a treatment of one of my own original characters, not a character from a greater fiction work or something like that, but a fan character or MMORPG character or a D&D character, but writing up and providing a guide to interacting with one of the weird little critters I made up in my head to tell stories about. I think this is cool and fun and it’s a way to talk about not just what characters are like but the kinds of stories you think your characters should be in. I’d love to see it as a normal thing for me to open tumblr and see someone providing a Reader’s Guide to the kind of prototype version of their OCs.

Reflection

Last year I made a dedicated choice to stop thinking of what I do in vague terms. I have grown to hate the way that online creators describe themselves as making ‘stuff’ and doing ‘lots of things’ or, worst of all, content creators. I had a whole reflection on how I hate thinking of my writing as ‘content’ and my videos as ‘content’ and my podcasts as ‘content’ because none of those things are the same kind of thing and they meet different needs and they meet your needs differently.

To that end I avoided referring to work as ‘content’ for a year and I think I’ve become very good at that. One problem I have with describing whether or not I successfully excised that term from my thinking is that obviously, I use the word ‘content’ all the time, such as whenever I talk about media that has something within it that has a potential trigger. That is to say, a lot of posts I make lead with Content Warning.

I hit a target of 1,000 words minimum for every article that wasn’t an audio recording, a sticker, or shirt design last year, including Decemberween articles. You were going to get your ten minutes of time on this blog at least, every day, if I had anything to do with it, and if you didn’t, you could at least look at a picture and know that it was a thing I spent effort making and uploading somewhere.

I also talked more about non-mainstream TTRPGs, with ten of the fifty-two Game Pile slots dedicated to talking about games you can get on itch.io, and taking those games seriously rather than just opting for the lowered bar of ‘well, it’s indie’ mean that the thing didn’t deserve to be considered carefully. I also converted eleven of my older game articles into videos, with some updates and deepening where necessary.

A thing I also tried is putting one of my D&D articles up as a video? I’m liking this and think I might do more of that in the coming year, because I write about D&D a lot and I like doing it.

Alt text was another push for the year! I tried to make sure I used alt text on the images in my blog. Not everything had it – some things were made a year out, after all, and their pictures weren’t made with alt text in mind, and it’s an easy thing to slip the mind. Some things have a lot of alt text (like all the Magic the Gathering cards) and doing 380 cards and adding alt text to all of them was a huge burden I hadn’t considered ahead of time. Hopefully, that’s going to be fixed for this year’s cards, and I’ll be further in the habit of using alt text.

And Also There’s More:

I have a Youtube channel, which updates weekly. Every other week, the current programming is a video of Fox and I playing a game together, where I have the means to talk about games and optimisation and design while we talk about historically interesting games. Then on the other other weeks, I put up a video article, which is either taking one of my other articles from the past into a video form, or, a new video made for the specific format of Youtube.

I have a Patreon. It is my tip jar, a way for you to say ‘I like what you are doing, here, have a dollar.’ But you can give me something there even if you don’t want to give me money, because I use the Patreon as my behind-the-scenes weekly update site. Every week, at the end of the week, I update on what’s happened in the past seven days. If you just follow the Patreon it gives me some numbers on that, but largely, it’s just a way to show more interest in the never-ending word pipe that is hanging around me on the internet. It’s also a venue you can ask me questions and provide comments on the progress of the blog week to week, or answer me if I ask questions like ‘hey, are you all okay with this?’

There. That’s what 2025 offers you. About 365,000 words of thinking about games, fiction, media and your own ability to create. Maybe some free games, we’ll see how it goes.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[butchdarling]

review of every book I read this year btw

The Left Hand of Darkness Ursula K Le Guin

Probably one of my favorite books I've ever read if not my most favorite. The concept of a human ambassador on an alien planet is really good on its own and Le Guin executes it brilliantly. Really compelling world building and such good atmosphere (probably helped by the fact that I read part of it in January during a power outage lol). I also really liked the author's intro on this; it shaped the way I've looked at sci fi media since I've read it.

Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie

I feel like I was missing some of the historical context to really understand a lot of the symbolism in this one, but the prose and storytelling was strong enough on its own to keep me engaged. I think I would enjoy this one more if I read it as part of a class or book club.

Maurice by EM Forster

Demian by Herman Hessie

Could have benefitted from being just a little bit longer and exploring some of its ideas a little more in depth but also I do love a shorter book and everything it does discuss is really well done.

Shout out to gay people escaping the narrative got to be one of my favorite endings 👍

Frankenstein by Mary Shelly

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

Haunted houses and mentally ill women what more do you need. Couldn't put this one down I love the way the horror creeps in until it's suffocating.

I know it's a classic and everyone already knows this but damn what a good book. I knew a lot of the story going in but reading it myself was still a rewarding experience. I like how you can very easily trace all of Frankenstein's choices back to a fundamental fear of and unwillingness to face anything truly bad

Howls Moving Castle by Diana Wynn Jones

Honestly I kinda lost interest in this one about halfway through and idk if it's my fault for not really paying attention of the book's fault for not being interesting. I did like the ending though.

The Iliad

This was part of my Hades (video game) phase. I don't really have much interesting to say about it, but my favorite part was when Hektor visits his wife and she tells him she's scared of him dying and leaving her alone but he tells her it will be okay because it he dies in battle it will be okay because it will bring them both glory. And then he turns to pick up his son who starts crying at the site of Hektor in his armor and helmet. It's not an important scene by any means but the potency of the symbolism stuck with me.

All Systems Red and Artificial Condition by Martha Wells

These were really fun ily forever Murderbot <3. Murderbot really is the heart of these books and is a deeply charming character, at least to me. I feel like it's very easy in sci fi to either make AI a pure evil villain or basically human so it's refreshing to see a more nuanced take. I really want to read the rest of this series at some point.

The Time Machine by HG Wells

I liked the beginning (mostly the explanation of time travel and the fourth dimension) and the end (the Time Traveler going to the end of time was really cool) and I like the stuff in the middle conceptually but I think the execution was kinda boring. Another one I think that would be more interesting when discussed with other people who read it.

Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

I feel like I would enjoy this one more if I read it again and took notes. I enjoyed it on a surface level but I feel like I missed a lot of the deeper themes. Loved the interpretation of time as a concept though.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant by Seth Dickinson

Reading this one rn so I haven't finished this one yet but I'm enjoying it so far. I got a little apprehensive when on of the reviews on the back compared it to doom, but so far it hasn't been too dense, if anything something about the style and narration is actually very comprehensive (at least for me). You might be able to make the argument that the presentation of colonialism and imperialism is a bit heavy handed, but I think it works for what it is, especially in the first couple chapters where it helps establish the world.