#this would be a continuation of that other landscape piece i did that. well. i captioned it chasing comets

[narsh-poptarts]

needed to make a book pitch for class starting with the cover

still needs tweaks (title, some details) but when all the pitch pages are done i'll likely make a new post

[jophiel-extras]

summary :: hot and bothered wandering thanks to AM

warning :: nsfw, aphrodisiac use, flirting asf, fem reader, reader and Ellen got it on

note :: hello AM lovers 👋 reqs open

Mental and physical torture didn’t compare to the special kind of abuse AM had been putting you through for the past week.

He hadn’t cut up your feet and made you walk for miles, nor had he starved you with mirages of glorious food. No, not you. His favourite.

AM had kept a special genre of torture just for you.

He’d silently offered you a bar of chocolate. The first piece of food you'd seen in months. You should've know that it would come at a price, however you'd never been starved for so long and you never could've expected the chocolate had been drizzled with synthetic aphrodisiacs.

For days you had needed and ached.

Even more, AM had separate you from the rest. If only Ellen was with you, she’d help. Or Ted, Gorrister. Fuck, you’d even settle for Benny.

You’d kept up a limping pace, attempting to walk off your unbelievable horniness, but the exercise hardly took your mind away from the throbbing of your core. You were hot, sweaty and flustered. Filled with unsightly thoughts and feelings. No amount of walking (or running) had done away with your incredible lust.

You stumbled to a stop and began slipping your hand south. You just needed a release, one. You puffed, hand turning into a fist before it reached the line of underwear. No, AM would not be getting his sick show from you.

And as though he'd lingered in your mind, AM's booming voice carved through the barren landscape.

"Oh, don't let me stop you. Continue, please." He'd learned to imitate a gentleman awfully well. As much as you hated the need that choked your core you couldn't help but buckle at the knees from his rough voice. "If only I had a body, I'd help you out." Sickeningly sweet.

"If you had a body, I'd destroy it." A frustrated whisper, but AM heard it all the same.

"Is that a threat or a promise, baby?" Smooth, low and close to your left ear.

You slapped your hand over your mouth and continued to walk despite how much you wanted to bend over and take whatever AM wanted to give you. You had your dignity, you'd keep it until you'd walked for an entire year if you had to.

"Don't be like that, sweetheart. All I wanted was for you to have a little pleasure." You couldn't even feel sick by his words, you were unbelievably drowned by desire. You felt like an animal in heat.

It had been far too long since you'd had any release. Ellen was the last person you'd been to bed with, but neither of you had truely finished. Neither of you could.

You hadn't felt half as horny as you did now. Utterly dripping.

AM hummed and the vibration seeped into the ground you stood on. If there was a God other than AM, you wished he would end your suffering.

"Come on, I promise I won't tell the others. I'll even consider letting you gorge in a feats of your favourite foods." His voice loomed close and quiet until it was like his very being was behind you. "Touch yourself."

his words held such command you didn't know if your hand that begun sliding into your underwear was done out of your own will or AM's. You didn't much care. To hell with dignity. You'd drown yourself in embarrassment after this was all over with.

You'd curled up once again, in shame and discomfort. AM had won, simply. As he did time and time again. At least this time, you were able to get a release from his torture. One that the two of you enjoyed.

[illumalux]

Life Series Victors as Tarot Cards

A presentation on why we’ve got it all wrong when it comes to grouping life series victors.

This post will continue on with the implication that ZombieCleo is a Victor, simply because she is. She won real life, therefore she's a victor. Argue with the wall.

Now, I see your celestial trio of the first three winners. This should never change. This feels the most apt, it centers perfectly, and each of the things it represents are present in multiple different categories. Obviously in space, as everyone has adapted to, but also in a Minecraft world, and what I see as more important: in a tarot deck.

Think about it this way.

The Watchers, in whatever form you think they (or we) take, are collecting these Victors. Each one means a different thing, survived a different landscape. While I understand the celestial motif of the first three Victors, and how it fits into their characters, I would argue that many others are far too grounded for that.

It’s a collection, remember? What is better for assembling a set than a deck of cards? Especially ones that meddle in Fate, something the Watchers seem to adore.

So here are the cards each Victor represents, with card meaning and my defense as well. This will go in chronological order of the seasons.

Before I continue, I just want to give a disclaimer. Every tarot deck has a slightly different explanation for what each card means. The definitions I use are a mix of three of my decks and the official Rider-Waite-Smith deck's explanation, so if there are inconsistencies with what your deck says or what you know, please don't come for me.

Grian, Third Life:

XIX. The Sun

Beyond the obvious desert motifs (a whole extra post in and of itself), the Sun is representative of not only Grian's gameplay, but also how the Watchers (those collecting this deck) feel about him. Grian is one of them, so he naturally starts out in their good graces, with a greater level of respect.

Rider-Waite-Smith defines the card as one of success. Of course the Watchers will gloat when their baby wins. Even if he wasn't meant to, it did inevitably mean that throughout his game, Grian was inarguably one of the largest sources of negative emotions, second only to the Red Army. Again. Extra post on its own. When he won, it saved anyone the satisfaction that might negate their negativity, alongside the delicious outpouring of grief that was the final duel of Third Life.

Reversed, the Sun is a card of depression. As I just touched on, one of the most defining moments of Grian's game was his final victory. When the ending came down to himself or his greatest ally, he went about it in the way that caused probably the most pain to both parties involved. It pushed him to the very brink, ending in him defining his own ending just moments after winning.

Scott, Last Life:

XVII. The Star

Even ignoring the starborne origins and headcanons, as well as the crown of stars included in his skin (Void below, these posts write themselves) this one looks like a super simple explanation, but actually requires me pointing out something that may not be obvious to some Watchers: Scott, in every game and Iteration has made it a point to rebel against the rules in whatever way he can. I could go into full detail, but thats a lot of words and I don't need anyoen to get bored. (Void, this series and side tangents that require other posts)

In third life, a game about death and destruction, and the originator of factions, Scott took a very different route: he got married and built a house in a flower field. When grief finally found him, he refused to give the Watchers any satisfaction, literally crystalizing his grief into a part of his character design (and one that would remain for two to three more seasons, depending on your thoughts on the coral pieces). In Last Life, he is the singular person in all five seasons (technically two, but shhh this is more dramatic) to withstand the Boogeyman curse, something the Watchers installed purposefully to make people kill allies. Double Life, obviously, as Scott rejecting the soulmate the Watchers gave him. Limited life, in which kills gave more time, Scott did not die a single time without giving life freely, either to an ally or a temporary ally.

That got long. Anyways. Scott's game has always been one of hope, spreading positivity and refusing to be pushed around by the Watchers. And that's exactly what the Star means. Upright, this is a card about hope and perseverence, pushing through challenges, which is exactly what Scott does. He refuses to let the Watchers' actions upset him and continues to play the game for his friends and for the future and nothing else.

Even reversed it still fits. Reversed, the Star means loss or abandonment. I've already used up too much time on Scott here, so I'll let you pick your favorite instance of that.

Pearl, Double Life:

XVIII. The Moon

This one is far and away the easiest. Like the previous two Victors, Pearl's story connected her with her symbol even before she won. But blood moons and wolf packs aside (as that's a whole different post for a whole different day) when you take a look at the definitions provided, it becomes even clearer.

The Moon is a card of transformation and change, as well as revealing one's inner self. Rider-Waite-Smith attributes hidden enemies, darkness, and terror with The Moon. While I'll happily analyze every single one of Pearl's actions as the Scarlet Pearl, I think this one is plenty self explanatory. After her rejection early on in the game, she immediately isolates herself and latches onto the night motifs, leaning in to what everyone expects her to be.

The reversed meanings also explain Pearl's arc in Double Life perfectly: confusion, mixed messages, and disbelief. This perfectly encapsulates Pearl's feelings at the very beginning of the game via her rejection by Scott and subsequent abandonment by Martyn in an attempt to get back into Cleo's good graces. Her instinctual reaction is one of shock, not understanding why Scott would choose to pick a soulmate when she was right in front of him.

Martyn, Limited Life:

XVI. The Tower

One of my favorite cards, the Tower is instantly recognizable. While most of my analyses aren't about how the card looks, I feel like it's important to share this time around. The most common image consists of a tower and one or both of two elements: lightning, and people falling. As a card, it represents sudden change, destruction, and chaos.

If anyone here is not yet convinced that I'm correct, please go rewatch Martyn's last LimLife episode, then come back and argue.

You're back? Great. We agree? No? Fine, I'll explain.

This fixates mainly on his winning game, but I'll touch on the rest of his games as well. LimLife ended with a huge betrayal on Martyn's part, one characterized by being so insanely sudden. (Of course it's the Watchers meddling. But the Tower isn't always about your own choices being your downfall.) He quite literally snapped as if hit by lightning (see description of the card), and this spells the beginning of the end for him.

Similarly, in all of his other games, Martyn finds himself with one pivotal moment that spells his downfall. The Red King, Betrayal at the Southlands (and honestly his worst move in DL was abandoning Pearl to try and beg for Cleo's forgiveness).

Funny enough, the reversed meaning of this card is almost a perfect match. I don't think this needs too much more explaining.

Scar, Secret Life:

X. The Wheel of Fortune

I adore Scar in these games. Every single season seems absolutely plagued by chaos. The worst season, obviously, was the one in which he gained his crown. Poor guy was just trying to make friends, and it seemed like every new secret was the exact opposite of what he wanted.

The Wheel is just what it sounds like: it's the card of luck, destiny, and fate. I won't add a new paragraph for the reversed meaning here either, as it means the exact same thing as upright, but with negative connotations in the form of bad luck and misfortune.

Scar is plagued by the whims of luck left and right. It seems like, more than any other player, Scar is unable (whether by others, fate, Watchers, what have you) to take full control of his own story and take actions that he wants to take, instead limited to where the current takes him.

But in the end, that chaos is what gives him his win. The lack of alliances and freedom that the game forced on him was what eventually lead him to be unmoored and able to volley his pain wherever he wanted, leading to a mostly painless win.

Cleo, Real Life:

XIII. Death

A little on the nose, I know, but which of these choices aren't? For a series entirely based on improv, there are a stupid amount of coincidences present.

Now, I know this is far and away the shortest series, so I'm going to analyse Cleo as a player across all of her seasons, not just her winning game. Sorry Real Life. You should have been longer.

While the meaning of the Death card may seem obvious, it's twofold in actuality. In some historical decks, even, the card is instead named Rebirth. I know how ironic that is that the zombie is the one who stands for death and rebirth, but again. Blame the stupid narrative, not the poor me trying to make sense of it.

In what my lovely mutual Honor called "phoenix behavior", I'm going to focus specifically on her deaths and rebirths, specifically BigB's betrayal in LastLife. Cleo takes her death hard, as anyone might. But her rebirth comes with change. The minute she respawns, it's with a different understanding of the world around her. She immediately embraces the change that has been given to her, burning down the Fairy Fort and ditching her alliance for a new one.

The reverse captures Cleo as a character over her seasons better than anyone on this list. While the upright meaning of the card is change, reversed it signifies stagnancy, obsession, and immobility. This can be seen almost perfectly with her thoughts on alliances. Scott remains forever in her good books, even over the course fo multiple seasons, simply because he has never wronged her. Even when they aren't direct allies,she still cooperates with him whenever, simply because she retains her previous feelings about him. The same can be said for BigB, but in the opposite direction. From the moment of the betrayal onwards, she refuses to trust him, going so far as to warn Pearl away from allying with him in LimLife.

Bonus: Jimmy Solidarity, the Canary

XII. The Hanged Man

But Moon! you shout, throwing your complimentary bucket of popcorn at me. Jimmy isn't a Victor! He's the exact opposite!

Yep.

That's why he's so soggy and why he goes on this list. You wanna argue that he doesn't have the same lore impact as a Victor? Too bad. Can't hear you. Jimmy gets his own card.

Initially, I was kinda sad that I already used the Tower, because that's the portent of doom and gloom or whatever, perfect for a canary. But then I spied an even better, even more Jimmy card.

The Hanged Man is the card of sacrifice. While I could go on a whole rant about the Fool's journey and how it is represented in the Life Series, that is Extra Tumblr Post Number IDK Anymore. Instead, today I'm going to stick to the basics. To specify sacrifice, the card doesn't just mean giving up. It signifies self sacrifice specifically. And what is Jimmy if not a semi-willing first sacrifice to get the chaos rolling?

How many times has he gone out to stop his friends from being the one who has to herald the change? The canary knows that he will sing the final notes, but so long as he can ensure the miners don't have to, he will descend once more.

Conclusion:

Now. Did I spend more time on this post than I ever did on an English Lit essay? Maybe. But as much as I love the space motifs this fandom has, I fundamentally disagree when we get to the latter winners. Come on, guys. Tarot decks are right here.

If I missed anything, or I misrepresented a player's game, please tell me. I can't be everywhere at once, and I'm always happy to learn more about some of the players I don't watch as regularly.

Anyways, this was way more fun to write than I expected. If anyone wants to see me give cards to the rest of the players who have yet to win, or an analysis of anything a mentioned in my tangents, please let me know.

Special thanks to @honorsongs who kept me company through this whole process and gave me many a suggestion when I lost my train of thought.

[bookshelfdreams]

ofmd wasn't "profitable" enough but I didn't even get the feeling hbo wanted to make money off of it. They didn't promote it when s1 dropped, and the promo for s2 was erratic at best. They don't sell merch. Or physical copies. There's no bts documentaries other than what actors (shoutout to Samba ilu) make themselves in their spare time.

It took more than a full year for me to be able to watch s1 legally! I still can't access s2 legally anywhere! It's not that ofmd is unprofitable, it's that hbo refuses to profit off of it, because - well, because profiting off of it would mean investing work and money into it.

And like. Of course, when you compare it to the juggernauts hbo holds rights to, like GoT, ofmd is small fishes. But.

How on earth do these clowns think cult classics happen?

A Game of Thrones was first published in 1996 and didn't make it on the NYT beststeller list until 2011. The first edition of the first Harry Potter book was 500 pieces. And yeah, TV shows are different, but if you look at today's media landscape, would things like Star Trek, or Buffy, or Doctor Who stand the slightest chance? These things take time, is my point. A piece of media doesn't become a massively profitable, beloved classic over night. It takes time and effort to build that kind of franchise.

And the thing is! Nobody who makes these decisions even likes stories. I'm convinced that whoever is in charge at hbo, at amazon prime, even at disney, thinks storytelling is dumb and for idiots. They think it's enough to just slap the name of something people love on whatever garbage they spit out, for it to be profitable. They think it's the brand that sells: Look this has "Lord of the Rings" on it! Look, this one has "Game of Thrones", you like Game of Thrones don't you? Watch my show, boy.

But this isn't how this works. It's not the name that sells (unless, I suppose, you're the MCU, and even there one gets the impression the trick is finally stopping to work), especially not when the product is bad. People aren't idiots.

But it's not about making something good. It's not about making a meaningful piece of art, or telling an engaging story. ofmd served its purpose; it drew in all the subscribers it ever would, so there's no point in letting it go on. Even in the s2 that we did get, this is evident: the penny pinching is palpable, it's clear that the studio didn't want to spend any more money than absolutely necessary on it, and then cut the budget by 40%.

It's not about art. It never has been.

And it's not even about profit, because to be profitable eventually, stories have to be allowed to thrive first. You tell a good story first, and success happens later, often much, much later.

And ofmd was incredibly, astonishingly successful. It was the most in-demand series for weeks after the s1 finale. But even that wasn't enough, it's never enough, ofmd could have made record-setting profits and it still would have been cancelled, because -

Well, I don't know. Because we live in a bad time for art. Because Orwell was right, and stories have become commodities, like shoelaces. Because. Well. It's not about telling a story, is it?

What's the point of a story? What's the point of making something for the joy of making it? What's the point of a piece of art, existing, if it cannot be transferred into numbers for the stockholders?

idk how to end this. I hope David Jenkins finishes the story he wanted to tell, even if just for himself. I hope, against all odds, that weird, fun, heartfelt, beautiful little stories like ofmd continue to happen.

But goddammit.

[roguishcat]

Honeycomb

Summary: Astarion had a brilliant, fool-proof plan. And nothing, especially not a piece of honeycomb, would get in the way.

A/N: My brain is running on almost no fuel. There probably are mistakes and misspelled words. Kindly tell me if you notice anything. ❤️I would like to make this into something longer in the future, maybe finally try my hand at writing something steamy. Would anyone be interested in reading something like that? Let me know.

Tags: sexy Halsin, annoyed Astarion, some suggestive themes.

Pairing: Astarion x female Tav

Oneshot, 1.2k words

Set in the beggining of Act II.

She was doing it again. Staring at that- that huge oaf of a druid as if he was the most fascinating thing ever.

Astarion scowled. The problem wasn’t even that she was attracted to Halsin. Because one would have to be blind or a complete liar to say that the druid was nothing to look at. What annoyed him that the druid could command all Tav’s attention after she had a taste of what Astarion had to offer. Having spent a mind-blowingly amazing night with an earth-shatteringly gorgeous vampire, Tav should not be eye-fucking others around the campsite!

And yet she was. Granted, she was not the only one who could not look away. Even Shadowheart seemed to be enjoying the show, murmuring something to Karlach which had the tiefling nodding and licking her lips.

And how did it start you may ask? Well, it started with a piece of honeycomb.

Tav, being the sweet, caring, lovable fool that she was, worried that Halsin did not feel welcome when he first joined them. They were fast approaching Shadowlands, meaning that they would soon leave behind the lush greenery of the forest in favour of the grim dangerous landscapes of the cursed lands near Moonrise. Although the thought was unsettling for everyone, Tav was worried about how a druid, whose comfort for some reason that Astarion could not possibly fathom mattered to her, would fare being stuck among all the death and destruction.

And what about Astarion, hm? Did she think about him? Oh, no! Because apparently he was not at the top of the list of her priorities. And that was… irksome. And Astarion showed that he was annoyed in the healthiest, most obvious way possible. That is, ignoring Tav and brooding. Which for some reason was not getting quite the reaction that he was hoping for.

But yes, the honeycomb. He did digress.

Tav found a large piece in the afternoon and proudly presented it to Halsin with a radiant smile, who accepted the treat with thanks, his fingers brushing Tav’s as he took it out of her hands. And therein lay the problem.

Halsin’s fingers.

Because apparently no one told him that one was not meant to eat with his hands, especially in such a scandalous way!

Halsin’s hands were sticky with honey, fingers glistening in the light of the fire as he sucked each digit clean like a man starved. Tav was transfixed, blush dusting her cheeks, spoon suspended in midair because she forgot that she was, in fact, eating in favour of the pay-per-view show that she had the front seat to.

Astarion gritted his teeth. Surely the druid could not be that oblivious? Surely he was doing this on purpose? Well, whatever his game was, Astarion could not allow this to continue. Because no matter how dishonorable his intentions for Tav were, he was definitely not done with her. And he would not be done with her at least until she and the merry band that called her leader marched into the city, slaughtered Cazador and defeated all foes that got in the way of their de-tadpoling. Then, and only then, he would think about dismissing Tav. If he so chose.

With that in mind, Astarion grabbed a bucket full of water and marched across the campsite, making his way for Halsin. It was time to put a stop to this.

“There. You might find it easier to clean up this way, hm?” he mocked, thrusting the bucket into Halsin’s hands.

“Thank you, Astarion. How thoughtful of you,” Halsin nodded, confused and not quite understanding what got the vampire so annoyed.

“Anytime,” Astarion huffed, pivoting on his heel, and making his way towards Tav, who finally noticed that the stew dripped off her spoon and onto her lap.

“Tsk, such a messy pup,” he scolded playfully, “why don’t we get you out these dirty clothes and into something more comfortable?” he leaned closer to her ear, letting his breath ghost over the shell.

His breathy invitation was quite lost on her, however, as at this moment Halsin chose to pour the water onto his head.

It was Tav’s squeak and wide eyes that made Astarion snap his head in the druid’s direction, ruby eyes narrowing as he released a growl at the sight that had Tav’s undivided attention.

Rivulets of water running down pectorals, getting caught in the grooves in the skin between the rolling muscles, and then down, down, down-

“Why does that druid never seem to have a shirt on?” Astarion hissed, finally having enough of this, and grabbing Tav’s hand to pull her away and towards his tent.

He could distinctly hear Karlach’s raucous laughter as the tiefling caught on to what got Astarion’s panties in a bunch, followed by amused sounds coming from the other companions. Astarion could not quite bring himself to care because he knew what his priorities were. And right now, it was high time to remind a certain someone what her priorities should be. Namely him and his needs.

Tav almost tripped as he shoved the flap of his tent aside, pulled her in and made sure the cloth slid back into place behind her. He, unlike certain someone, did not need an audience.

“Astarion? What happened? Is everything okay?”

Oh, that poor, oblivious, sweet idiot. If it were anyone else, he would be quite sure that she did all that on purpose, just to get a rise out of him. But not so. The look she was giving him now was genuine. All the more reason to keep this powerful, yet oblivious creature under his thumb.

“Nothing, darling, I am quite well. Just hungry, that’s all,” he purred, advancing on her step by tantalizing step, eyes locked on his prize.

“Oh! Of course! Sorry, today has been a lot, I forgot to offer,” she pulled the fabric of her collar aside to bare her beautiful neck to him, the imprints from the bite left after his previous feeding still visible.

Astarion licked his lips and pressed his mouth to her skin, delighting in the shallow gasp that she gave at the contact.

“As alluring as your neck is, my sweet,” he swept his tongue up the column of her neck and lay a tender kiss on the bitemarks, “I hope that there is more, much more on offer tonight.”

As he sank his fangs into Tav and felt her blood flow onto his tongue, Astarion soon found himself grinding against the swell of her ass, the hand that was not holding her in place sneaking to caress her breast. Which was when Astarion had to remind himself that he was doing this just to keep Tav on his side. It was simply a matter of convenience. Nothing more, nothing less. And this was certainly not something that he had to keep reminding himself of more and more as they progressed on their journey.

And yes, perhaps bedding Tav has been quite fun. She was a vision, with her cheeks flushed, lips swollen from kisses parted as she moaned his name sweetly into the night. But that was just a perk. Why shouldn’t he enjoy himself a little, given the opportunity?

Yes, his plan was flawless. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

[xxspringmelodyxx]

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐿𝑒𝑔𝑒𝓃𝒹

𝑪𝒉𝒊𝒍��𝒆 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒙 𝑨𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 (𝑷𝒕 𝑰𝑽)

⊱ 𝑯𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔! 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕, 𝑰'𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒍𝒊𝒍 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑺𝑴𝑨𝑼𝑺…𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒊𝒕. 𝑰𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆! 𝑨𝒏𝒚𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔, 𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 <33 ⊰ | ℙ𝕥 𝕀 | ℙ𝕥 𝕀𝕀 | ℙ𝕥 𝕀𝕀𝕀 |

✩⁺₊✩☽⋆Warnings: Swearing⋆☾✩⁺₊✩

𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ˚❀˚·⋆✿

Several weeks had passed as you all journeyed to Sumeru, and everything seemed to be progressing well…well kind of. You had come close to mastering all the elements, but Electro continued to elude your grasp.

It was frustrating for you as it seemed that no matter what you did, nothing was working. Every day, you practiced relentlessly, trying different techniques and meditations, but nothing brought you closer to mastering the element, meaning you wouldn’t be obtaining the light element anytime soon. The frustration and disappointment grew, weighing heavily on your shoulders.

Aether, ever supportive, never wavered in his encouragement. “Don’t lose hope, Yn. We’ll figure this out together,” he would say, but even his words of comfort couldn’t fully erase the gnawing feeling of failure.

One evening, after another unsuccessful attempt, you sat by the campfire with Aether and Paimon. The flames crackled, casting flickering shadows on your faces.

“I don’t get it,” you muttered, staring into the fire. “I’ve come so far with the other elements. Why can’t I harness Electro?”

Paimon hovered closer, her eyes filled with concern. “Maybe you’re trying too hard? Sometimes, the answer comes when you least expect it.”

Aether nodded in agreement. “Paimon’s right. Maybe there’s something we’re missing. Some piece of the puzzle that we haven’t considered yet.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “I just don’t know what it could be. I’ve tried everything.”

Aether placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “We’ll find a way. We’ve come this far, haven’t we?” 

You couldn’t help but feel a warm flush rise to your cheeks. Despite the frustration, moments like these made your heart flutter. Aether’s presence was comforting, and the way he looked at you with such determination made you feel like you could overcome any obstacle.

It was needless to say that your relationship with Aether and Paimon had flourished. The three of you were like peas in a pod, inseparable and deeply connected. It became increasingly obvious, at least to Paimon, how much you and Aether had fallen for each other. She never missed an opportunity to tease you both, singing that wretched song, “Yn and Aether sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G.” You and Aether would exchange embarrassed glances, protesting her teasing, but deep down, you both knew there was truth to her words. The bond between you had grown stronger, and unspoken feelings simmered just beneath the surface, adding a layer of complexity to your companionship.

—

One bright morning, after weeks of arduous travel, you finally approached the borders of Sumeru. The lush, vibrant forests greeted you, their greenery a stark contrast to the urban landscapes you had left behind. The towering trees and dense foliage hinted at the rich culture and vibrant life within the city. However, as you neared the city itself, an eerie silence replaced the expected sounds of bustling life, causing a sense of unease to settle in the pit of your stomach. Paimon hovered closer, her eyes scanning the horizon with growing concern.

“Something’s not right,” she said, her voice tinged with worry. The usual sparkle in her eyes was dulled by the tension in the air. Aether nodded, his expression grim and resolute. “Stay alert. We don’t know what we’re walking into.” His hand gripped the hilt of his sword tightly, ready to draw it at a moment’s notice. The three of you exchanged uneasy glances, steeling yourselves for whatever lay ahead.

As you moved closer, the sight before you confirmed your worst fears. Sumeru was under attack. Plumes of smoke rose from various parts of the city, and the sound of clashing weapons filled the air. Chaos reigned as defenders fought valiantly against an onslaught of Abysmal Knights.

The air was thick with the acrid scent of burning wood and the metallic tang of blood, painting a grim picture of the devastation. “We have to help them!” you exclaimed, your determination unwavering despite the fear gnawing at your insides. You felt a surge of adrenaline, sharpening your senses and steeling your resolve. Aether unsheathed his sword, his eyes steely with resolve. “Let’s go. We can’t let them fight alone.” His voice carried a sense of urgency and command, galvanizing you and Paimon into action.

The three of you rushed into the fray, your skills and teamwork honed from weeks of training. You fought side by side, each of you taking on multiple opponents with practiced ease. Aether’s sword danced through the air, a blur of silver as he cut down enemies with precision and grace. Paimon provided support with her quick thinking and strategic interventions, darting around the battlefield to offer assistance where needed. You unleashed your elemental prowess, channeling the powers you had trained so hard to master, even as you struggled with Electro. You summoned water from the nearby river, using your Hydro vision to create powerful waves that swept away clusters of enemies. With a flick of your wrist, water turned to ice, trapping several knights in place. Switching to Pyro, you unleashed torrents of flame, incinerating those that drew too close.

Despite your best efforts, the creatures kept coming. You were fighting with all your might, but it felt as though a dark and powerful force was helping them regenerate, making them even harder to defeat. As Aether swung his sword into one of the creatures, you noticed that their wounds healed almost instantly. “These things just keep coming back!” you shouted in frustration.

The battle intensified, and the defenders of Sumeru were struggling to hold their ground. In the midst of the chaos, you and Aether were suddenly flung back by a powerful blast, crashing into a large tree. “We need to regroup!” Aether yelled, helping you to your feet after a particularly strong blast knocked you back.

The scene was chaotic. People were running everywhere, screaming and crying as they were being taken away. The Abysmal Knights—the group you last fought off—were in much larger numbers. They were ruthless, stabbing and killing many people around you and taking others while they were at it.

You saw others trying to fight them off but they were failing. Your heart sank at the sight of them struggling. You turned and saw Aether helping to save a woman from being taken away, but he too was having a hard time. Your breathing became heavy as you watched the horror unfold. “Yn!” Aether called out to you, making you look at him. “Now’s your chance! You know what you need to do!” he yelled before going back to fighting off the enemies.

You looked towards the sound of a child crying, seeing him being torn away from his mother. “Leave my son alone! Give him back!” the woman screamed, her voice filled with desperation. You lifted your hand and pushed it out, trying to blow a large gust of wind towards the man taking the woman's baby, but instead, flowers shot out from your hands.

Your eyes filled with terror as you realized your abilities weren’t working properly. You looked at your hands in confusion. “Come on. Out of all the times you decide not to work, now is the time??” you mumbled quietly. You tried to calm your mind, but the sight of people dying or being taken away was too much. The constant yelling and sounds of people dying replayed over and over in your head. “Yn! What are you waiting for? Do it!” Paimon yelled with worry.

You felt so useless. You were so confident when you left home to join Aether and Paimon, but now you couldn’t control your powers. Suddenly, you felt a large hand grab your arm and pull you towards it.

You looked up and saw a large, dark blue creature. It screamed in your face, making your eyes widen. You couldn’t move; your body locked up. As the creature was about to hurt you, a sword sliced through its body. The creature whimpered as it released you, purple lines running across its body towards the wound where it was stabbed.

You watched it fall to the ground, screeching in pain as the purple lines bubbled up. Your eyes widened as it let out one last, loud cry before combusting in front of you. “Yn! Pay attention!” Aether shouted. “I-I’m sorry! But I can’t control—” you started, but your voice was drowned out by the sounds of the creature coming back to life.

“Watch out!” a voice yelled, snapping you back to reality. An imposing figure with a shock of white hair and an ornate spear blocked a sword from piercing Aether. The newcomer fought alongside Aether, both of them struggling to fend off the relentless attackers.

“Who are you?” Aether asked, his voice strained from exertion. “I’m Cyno, the General Mahamatra. We’ve been tracking these creatures. It seems our paths have crossed at a crucial moment,” Cyno replied, his voice calm despite the chaos. Before you could process this, another voice joined the fray.

“Need a hand?” A figure with fox-like ears and a bow leaped into the battle, shooting arrows with deadly precision. It was Tighnari, a forest ranger of Avidya Forest, known for his sharp senses and even sharper arrows. He held his hand out to you, helping you up. “Are you alright?” he asked, but you didn’t respond. You were unsure of what to do. These innocent people were dying, and you couldn’t help them. Their cries and pleas filled your head, the constant noise becoming too much to bear.

You then saw a graceful dancer, Nilou, using her Hydro vision to create water barriers, trying to protect the civilians. Her movements were fluid and beautiful, yet filled with a sense of urgency and desperation. Next to her, a stern-looking man with striking red hair and a large claymore fought off several attackers at once. “Focus on the task at hand, Nilou. We can’t afford to lose any more ground,” he commanded, his voice carrying authority.

It was Alhaitham, a scholar and warrior with immense strength and tactical knowledge. They all helped around, but struggled themselves as they realized they were fighting with a force not to be reckoned with. Aether kept trying to get you to focus, but you couldn’t. Everyone else then joined in as well, trying to get you to do something.

“Yn, come on!” Aether yelled

“Please, Yn!” Paimon shouted

“You need to do something! We all can’t just stay here and protect you!” Cyno said

“Help them!” Nilou cried out.

All of it was just too much! Them yelling, the people dying, their blood curdling screams, the children crying and weeping. Suddenly, you began to hear voices in your head. They were whispering such horrible things to you as the screams continued. Eventually, you couldn’t handle it anymore and broke down.

“STOP IT!” you screamed. In a flash, your knees hit the ground, and a burst of lightning was released from your body, striking through everyone there. Creatures of all types flew back into trees and hard walls, some of them going through items that pierced right through them. A loud, bassy noise quickly followed the burst of light that escaped your body, creating a web-like pattern in the ground. Your body felt numb as the power that just went through you was too much. You collapsed on the ground, your vision getting blurry as your body went limp. “Yn!” Aether yelled as he ran towards you. He kneeled down to you and rolled you over, holding you in his arms.

As your vision began to clear slightly, you saw the battlefield around you, littered with the bodies of fallen knights and civilians alike. The air was thick with smoke and the cries of the wounded. But amidst the chaos, a figure caught your eye—a familiar figure standing at the edge of the battlefield. Jean. Her eyes glowed with a dark, malevolent power, her presence a stark contrast to the kind and brave leader you once knew. “Jean?” you whispered in disbelief, your voice barely audible. The shock of seeing her in this state made your heart ache. It was as if a part of you refused to accept what your eyes were seeing.

Jean's cold gaze swept over the battlefield, landing on you with an expression devoid of any warmth or recognition. “Capture them,” she commanded, her voice echoing with an unnatural authority. The creatures, empowered by her dark influence, swarmed towards you with renewed vigor. Aether tightened his grip on you, his face set in grim determination.

“We have to move, now!” he said, looking around frantically for a way out. But before he could act, more figures appeared, joining the fray. The others tried to help as well, but none of them could keep up. There were too many opponents. And within minutes, everyone was knocked out or killed. Aether and you were the only ones awake, with you slowly losing consciousness.

Though, before he could help you, a hard blow struck his head, making him fall over. “Take him and the others. Leave her to me. If I am correct, this must be the one who endangers our master,” Jean said. Aether tried to get up.

“Leave her alone! Don’t touch her!” he yelled, ready to fight for you, but he was hit again, knocking him out cold. “J…Jean…what are you doing?” You asked, your vision going dark. She didn’t say a word. All she did was kick you in the head once more, making sure you go out cold. As your vision dimmed, you caught one last glimpse of Jean. Her cold, unfeeling eyes met yours, and for a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something—regret? Pain? But then, everything went black.

________________________

!!Taglist!!

@esthelily

@moloteco-real

@dilucragnvindr-my-beloved

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Metal on you little mouse

Karl Heisenberg x fem!reader

warning : smutish, implied dubiouse consent, kiss, collar, Heisenberg uses his power a little diffrent, no use of Y/n, some german words

Summary : There were four houses in the neighbourhood, including Karl Heisenberg, a man who liked soft, fragile things as well as hard metal, so why not pay his little mouse a visit again?

Info : So my second piece for this pretty Lord and I had this idea and wanted to explore it further so have fun reading and hope you like it.

@thatsthewrongwallcraig hope you still know whitch idea I mean ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The factory just outside the village seemed to be the only thing that brought anything like modernity or progress to the medieval-looking village.

The torches that lit up the village at night, the oil lamps that swung back and forth and the wooden fences were almost pathetic compared to the Heisenberg factory - even the lady's castle seemed strange and out of place.

The sounds of the factory were always too metallic, robotic and flesh meeting metal. But deep, deep inside the factory there was another sound, the sound of a man walking through the factory in heavy leather boots.

He entered the rooms and corridors where only he had access to, simply shoving aside the metal of the door with his powers where any other normal person would only have been able to get in with dynamite. The room behind it was probably the only one not taken over by the factory - on the contrary, the room seemed almost too normal.

Like something out of a furniture store, a normal room, a room that wasn't his, a room that belonged to her. ,,Little mouse, are you awake?" he asked and a grin appeared under his hat, a grin that looked like joy. His greenish blue eyes looked at the body lying on the bed facing away from him.

The light blanket, especially in the colder days, just invited him to lie next to her, to press her sweet, frail body against his, for how could she ever defend herself from all these dangerous monsters? The Overlord turned away from her for a moment and looked around the room, ,,Our home darling," he had said, remembering his words when he had first shown it to her.

Her body in front of him ignoring the look of bewilderment on her face showing her everything from the wardrobe with the pretty simple clothes just enough not to look sloppy but free enough for him to have her to himself.

The pictures on the wall photos of her and him, landscapes and a few paintings she had done in the beginning. ,,Such an interesting butterfly you are darling," he praised, running his leather-gloved fingers over her paintings almost as if he were touching them like he did every night. His favourite.

Turning back to her, he walked the last few metres towards the bed and sat down next to her, the mattress giving way slightly under his size and weight. ,,Aufwachen kleine Maus" he said in German, giving her the nickname appropriate to her form beside him, a thought that had him in its grip.

Such a pretty woman, his favourite soft and gentle in such a harsh environment…he took what he deserved for the plan he would soon make.

Slipping the gloves from his hands so as not to stain her body with extra oil, dirt and blood, he pulled the blanket from her body piece by piece, releasing her. ,,So pretty," he murmured with a broad smile when he saw that she was still wearing his shirt from the previous night. It was much too big for her, of course, the sleeves twice as long and it ended just above her knees like a little extra blanket.

He ran his rough hands over the crumpled fabric, giving himself a moment's rest before continuing with his plan of why he was here. ,,I know you're awake, darling," he said, letting his fingers settle suddenly and more roughly on her bust, which lay beneath the front of her shirt.

He felt the soft breasts under the fabric and smiled as he felt the slight flinch as he gently twisted her sensitive nipples between his fingers.

He usually kissed her body, loving her intimately night after night, she just had to be his, his pretty little bird and he loved her. But with day after day of the power of his "siblings" and the power of the holy woman, he too was more tense, no nothing could go wrong.

His other hand played with the end of the shirt, pulling it up ever so slightly, leaving little circles and his metallic leather smell mingled with her sweeter one.

A mix that wouldn't let him go and he wanted more. ,,Come on, wife, give me a kiss," he whispered to her and felt her tense up instantly when he called her the nickname she hated and he knew it only too well.

But his little mouse seemed to have more composure than he did because all at once he let go of her as he felt the metal around him with a simple thought.

Less than a second later, her body was moved against her will, against her own wishes, and she was only halfway up so as not to simply hang down. ,,Let me go," she said, not screaming but not quietly either, it was like a calm warning which he answered with a laugh that made the bed squeak.

Before he steered her body forwards to place his fingers on the metal collar he had given her. ,,Such a beauty…hate doesn't suit you darling," he rebuked, running his rough fingers over the skin of her neck as he had done many times before, sometimes gently, sometimes firmly, taking her breath away.

His darling was his whether she wanted it or not. She couldn't move, instead closing her eyes to avoid looking into his captivating gaze.

His voice could still influence her body as with his abilities it was like a moth being drawn to the light again and again. It was natural attractiveness with a hint of hopelessness and that he was the only one she still saw.

His other hand-free hand went to hers, the metal ring on her finger making her respond to his touch like a puppet he could control when he pleased.

,,I know it's all getting used to…but believe me it will get better" he tried again with gentleness like the other times he was always gentle to her he couldn't hurt her at all. He only wanted the best for her from the way he "housed" her here to his obsessive love with the hook and the ring.

A ring that showed their bond to everyone. One thought and he could feel her and know she was safe. Something he couldn't do without the metal it was all out of love. ,,My love, I know you like it too," he murmured to her, entangling her in another kiss, feeling her return his kiss with a gentle pressure on her hand, she didn't move and he turned his hand away from hers.

The length of her upper body slid down to the soft breasts that lay so perfectly in his hand, which he lavished with kisses when he had caused her "pain". Her hips, on which both his hands were placed, were covered in bright colours and gently kissed when she was a good girl.

All the way down to her thighs he felt the wince as he lightly squeezed the soft skin, his fingers digging into her flesh. He remembered the previous nights, the trembling of her body, the twitching of her legs when he pinned her in place with the metal.

Her moans echoed against the walls as he lay between her thighs, seeking his reward after a long day. ,,You're just my source of inspiration, you understand that, don't you?" he asked, seeing her nod briefly, but wanting to feel her love him just as much.

Sliding her body back onto the mattress, the two of them engaged in another kiss, a position that wasn't entirely forced, if that was even possible. Just as he was about to put his hands back on her body, he suddenly felt a vibration not only go through the floor but apparently also through the factory.

He felt something or someone explode his inventions. But it wasn't the power of Miranda or the annoying doll or the fish, it was human. ,,Sorry darling I'll be back with you as soon as I can, don't let you regret it" he said giving her one last kiss on the forehead from which she turned away which he ignored as he pulled his gloves back on and pushed the door aside with his strength only to slam it back into the wall harder than ever.

No one, not even Ethan Winters, would get it, his darling was his and he would kill even Miranda if she threatened them. He was the only one she needed and that would never change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[human-encounters-diary]

Day 15

We are set to arrive on Fendaar in two cycles. As we are currently stuck on the SIIR Noxos, I have concluded that the passages of time that I am free of duties would be best spent continuing to observe the human. The human, on the other hand, seemed to have different plans in that matter, as it took me an unusually long amount of time to locate her.

As I eventually found her, she seemed to be working on one of the control panels in the main control room, so I may excuse her absence with duties she had to attend to. As she saw me, although, she seemed rather…excited (this is obviously mere speculation, as the study of the Terran so far has provided far too little evidence to prove such theories)?

As she rolled out from under the control board and sighted me, her face once again split into a wide opening revealing her horrifying amount of teeth.

"Hey! Dude!", she said, raising to her full height and stepping towards me, still baring her teeth, although I did not recoil, as I did not want to seem impolite. She raised her arms, each pointing into a different direction, away from their connection to the human's body.

"Human Quinn. How are you?"

"Me? I‘m fine, the whole 'wandering around in space' thing just made me throw up, I honestly don‘t know why they insisted on keeping me there for two whole days."

The ends of her fingers, studded with claw-like (rather short and rounded instead of sharp, perhaps they were not meant to function as claws at all, or perhaps the beings on Terra were far different from what I knew, and therefore a shape like this was far more useful to hunt) protuberances, scraped over the back of the connection between her head and her upper body. If I interpreted her facial expression correctly, she seemed to be thinking.

"Maybe I got a light concussion too, I’m not entirely sure. But it's improbable, because I’m fine now."

I decided to focus on one piece of information at a time. "Well, this "throwing up" can certainly not be a healthy nor normal process, otherwise, it would not seem so violently painful and involuntary, would it?"

"Well it‘s not…unnatural, it‘s just something that can happen. And about health, it‘s not unhealthy, it usually helps us to get rid of stuff that is bad for our bodies!", she eludicated, moving one of her arms in a rather random manner.

"The scientists have concluded that this fluid is highly acidic. If this 'stuff' is so harmful to you, wouldn‘t it just dissolve in this fluid before being able to cause any further harm?"

Quinn seemed to think about that. 

"Well, just because it gets dissolved, doesn‘t mean it‘s gone, you know? It's still in our bodies, and we have to get rid of it somehow. And if it needs to be fast, we throw up. Honestly, I‘d definitely explain this further to you, but Biology‘s never really been my strongest subject, ya know what I mean?"

I did not, in fact, know what she meant, but I decided against questioning her further.

After a pause the Terran spoke up again: "So, this planet we're landing on..." "Fendaar.", I clarified. "Right. So, this planet that we‘re going to, it‘s a desert, right?" "That is correct." "So, is it a sand, an ice or, I guess you could also count rock desert? 'Cuz on my planet, we‘ve got all of those types."

"Fendaar‘s ecosystem is mostly made up out of sandlike landscapes with rather scarce vegetation and biodiversity. Most of the planets in system 36-54 have rather extreme temperature ranges, and Fendaar is no exception.", I eludicated.

"Alright, cool.", she spoke, rolling back under the underside of the control panel she had been working on previously. She seemed to be sitting, or rather lying, on a piece of metal with four small wheels attached to it, allowing her to move it around.

"Your planet.", I initiated. 

"Yeah?", she responded, while continuing her work on the wiring.

"Am I assuming correctly that your planet has a far bigger biodiversity?"

"Oh, yeah.", there was a small spring in her voice, as if she had let out air in the middle of speaking. "Big biodiversity. We‘ve got deserts and rainforests, coral reefs and permafrost - although perhaps not for that long anymore - mountain ranges and all that stuff."

"Interesting.", I supplied, for lack of a better response. If Terra had such differences in temperature and landscapes, it was a logical conclusion that the humans had evolved to survive under such circumstances.

"Yeah."

It was unusually quiet for some time. That was, until Quinn rolled out from the underside of the control panels.

"Alright, I‘m done." She took a deep breath before opening her mouth once again. Then, all of a sudden, the muscles of her face started contracting as if she was plagued by an invisible pain. Her eyes squeezed shut and she let out horrifying noise, holding an arm angled in front of her nose and mouth. The noise itself was not particularly loud or long, but I recoiled either way, as a measure of safety. I could not be certain if this gesture was meant to harm me, after all.

Quinn‘s arm sank down again as her other hand rubbed at her nose. She huffed, a sound far less threatening than the one she had produced a moment ago. One of the hair patches above her visual organs raised itself, prompting the question to arise if human hair was controlled by muscles or if it had a mind of its own, although this was a question that could be further investigated later. One of the corners of her mouth raised, revealing the seemingly sharpest teeth in her mouth.

"I guess dust is an inter-galactic thing, huh?"

I did not respond. Her face muscles contracted, causing the skin above her visual organs to crease.

"Hey, you okay? You‘re looking a little spooked over there."

"Human, I do not wish to cause you discomfort, but, if I may ask, what was the purpose of the noise you just uttered?"

She did not respond for a moment, blinking with both of her eyes as she stared at me. It was quite unsettling, considering her previous explanation, that most humans preferred not being stared at. 

"I…sneezed?" The creases in the skin above her eyes deepened.

My front pliers uttered another rattling sound. "What is this 'sneezing'? What purpose does it serve?" I admit, I was quite curious. Terrans seemed much more complex than I had previously assumed.

She paused, seemingly to think of an answer. "Well, it‘s like…if something is bothering us at or in out nose, like dust, for example, it‘s kind of the natural response to that. To keep things out of our bodies that don‘t belong there."

"Human bodies seem to require a lot of defense mechanisms.", I commented.

She raised and lowered the connection of her arms to her upper body, baring her teeth once again while raising herself to her full height, using one of her arms as support.

"Y’know, it’s surprisingly hard to explain something you’re so used to to someone who’s never heard of it. I guess I still have to work on the whole 'awareness that I‘m around aliens' thing. S‘ kind of surreal."

She patted off her clothing, as if to remove non-existent filth once again. I had noticed the past few cycles that most of her clothing seemed to consist of several, usually differently-coloured, pieces of fabric. 

Her clothes usually covered her body from the connection between her arms and torso to the connection between her legs and, presumably, her feet. Her feet were usually also covered, although I could not determine the purpose it was supposed to serve in the environment we are currently in, although the theory that the conditions on Earth are vastly different compared to the ones on the SIIR Noxos is gaining more probability, based on the Terran's narrations.

The human seemed to evaluate a question she wanted to ask (this is, of course, a mere speculation based on previous observations: her face muscles were contracted to form a crease over her visual organs, which could so far most likely be interpreted as confusion, thoughtfulness or discomfort; her head was both slightly raised and tilted to one side at the same time, a gesture that was most likely supposed to convey an ongoing thought process).

Although, before she could utter a noise, V-7 informed us of a request from the Vitrichl to gather for a matter of importance.

The purpose of his summoning was to divide the crew into several smaller groups that were to be assigned with different tasks to fulfill once we sucessfully landed on Fendaar.

I was grouped with the Terran, which was unsurprising, as well as Tkzt, a member of the species that is widely known across the galaxies as Ctzas (it is to note that the Ctzas have not evolved any form of written language and communicate exclusively through clicking and chittering sounds. The written forms of, for example, names of this species, are written by other species to produce approximately the same sound as the Ctzas make when recited verbally).

Tkzt, as a member of the unit controlling supply chains and keeping a list of the stock of the SIIR Noxos, would make a helpful addition in our task of seeking out the nearest settlement in order to stock up on supplies.

After all matters of importance were settled, the crew dissipated, continuing their respective tasks. The Terran was ordered to stay and to assist the Vitrichl in another matter, which is the reason I did not cross paths with the human again for the rest of this cycle.

Despite this, I am positive that accompanying the human on an foreign planet will give me a further insight into the species' mannerisms and interaction manners with foreign species, which will prove to be helpful further on in studying the human.

[egrets-not-regrets]

Guesthouse of the (Lost) Astartes: To Render Aid (3)

Erriox and Lenora provide aid to a lost chaos space marine and his young bonded human.

Dialogue spoken in the Gothic language are bolded and italicized.

Author's Note: This is part 3 in a multi-part story: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.

It is not the end yet. 😅 We get to meet some more characters though!

This story focuses on the relationship of a chaos space marine who is intensely bonded to his human and touches upon the issue with Black Templars bonding with humans.

Also, Erriox is a responsible space marine and does responsible things. And no, he definitely does not do it for his bonded human's approval.

Thank you @squishyowl for making the fic dividers! Also thanks @sleepyfan-blog for letting me borrow Sirass.

Tagged:

@kit-williams, @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @shadowfirecat, @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan,

@sleepyfan-blog, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @bispecsual

Tunes from the radio played quietly in the truck while Lenora drove through the snowy landscape. Her eyes scanned for signs of their bonded Astartes occasionally. They should be halfway there, she thought, judging from the familiar landmarks they passed by. Once they hit the S-curve in the road, the next turn at the intersection would be a clear shot straight to the base. And that was a well-built road too.

“Do you think my mom would still want me back?” Ben asked, forlorn and unsure.

Lenora eyed her passenger strangely, “Now why would you think that?”

“She stopped showing up a month ago. It’s like she disappeared!”

Ben continued, “I don’t know how to contact her. My friends tried to help me find her online, but someone snitched to my dad.” He ended with a growl.

“Ben, do not believe for a second that your mom doesn’t want you!” Lenora replied, feeling a wave of protectiveness well up inside, “She tried to meet you before, right?”

“Yeah…” Ben nodded, his voice quiet, “She used to wait for me after school before my dad came to pick me up.”

“Did she say where she was living?” Lenora pressed on.

“She said something about outside the Fortress? Something about where the kingfisher lives?”

Where the kingfisher lives? Huh… Lenora thought, trying to piece together the clues. She knew several locations where kingfishers nested outside of Steelix Fortress, but those are still multiple areas to narrow down. Maybe Ben’s mom meant that figuratively…

A knock on her window drew her attention. She looked and breathed a sigh of relief at the familiar figure running next to them. Erriox signalled for her to keep going. She smiled and nodded, putting her foot to the pedal to speed up.

*********

Elsewhere, the snowstorm died down as Malaran ran westward from the trail end. It wasn’t long before he heard the familiar heavy footfalls of another Astartes following him. He knew it was the Black Templar. At least this meant their plan had worked for now. He easily crossed the trenches following the Iron Warrior’s instructions and pressed on. It was tempting to turn around and fight the Black Templar, but his need to reunite with his bonded youngling weighed heavier on his mind. Malaran chuckled when he heard a stumble and fall behind him.

He was about to turn to follow the southwest road when he dodged to one side, a bolter shot just grazing his armour. Malaran turned around, firing back at the offending Astartes.

“Return the boy, chaos scum!” Came the Black Templar’s voice.

The Black Legionnaire snorted as he hurled the bundle he held at the other space marine. The templar rushed forward to catch the bundle only to watch the backpack and heat packs fall to the ground as the cape unravelled in the air. He roared, unsheathing his power sword, “You… and the Iron traitor! Where did you hide the boy?!”

“You don’t deserve to know, corpse worshipper!” Malaran bellowed as he clashed with the Templar, his chain axe revving. He couldn’t resist the Khornate pull for an exhilarating battle. His blood sang savagery and bloodthirst into his ears. It was a good night for a fight.

***********

It was uneventful as Erriox followed Lenora’s truck for the first hour or so. On the one hand, he was thankful that it had been uneventful as Lenora and Ben were able to safely drive through the snowstorm, but now that the storm died down… it was too quiet.

Erriox knew that something went awry. His feeling was only confirmed when heard the footsteps of the Black Templar running toward them. He quickly turned and ran towards the other Astartes to cut him off. Alarms raised in his head when he saw the raised bolter. Erriox fired a shot, hitting the Templar’s gun, throwing off his aim and drawing his attention to him instead.

*************

Lenora pressed her truck to speed forward, trying hard to ignore the sounds of the gunfire and Ben’s whimpers. Then it went quiet. Fear gripped her heart, what if Erriox… Ben looked at the side view mirror and yelled, startling Lenora out of her thoughts, “It’s the asshole!”

At any other time, Lenora would have laughed at that sudden statement. She glanced at her rear view mirror and felt the cold rush of dread down her spine. It was the Black Templar. Despite what looked like obvious injuries, he was gaining on them. Fast.

The S-curve was coming up soon.

With a surprising burst of speed, the Black Templar pounced on them. Ben screamed.

“Hang on!” Lenora shouted as she accelerated and steered into the sharp turn, swinging the truck end just out of the templar’s reach, drifting the curve of the road, and counter steering the other way to straighten out the truck again.

Erriox’s hearts nearly froze at the sight of the truck careening out of control on the snow-covered road before correcting its course. He raced towards the templar again, seeing his arm about to throw his combat blade, tackling him just in time to throw off its trajectory.

“Dagger!” Ben screamed as he saw the glint of the weapon leaving the templar’s hand.

“Head down!” she yelled back.

Can’t worry about that now! Lenora thought, gritting her teeth as she desperately focused on making it through the next turn at high speed. Both her and Ben screamed as the blade thunked into the truck, embedding deep into the truck chassis.

The Iron Warrior saw red, how dare this Imperial Fist knock-off try to kill his bonded! He stabbed his chain sword into the templar’s body, hearing the satisfying grunt of pain as his blade cracked through the armour bit into flesh. The power sword flashed as the Black Templar swung down. Erriox dodged, but not before the sword left a deep score in his pauldron. Both Astartes stood and charged at each other again, their blades clashing.

“Iron traitor! You and your brother will pay for your sins! He was not yours to take!” The Black Templar accusation was laden with ire and venom,

“It was none of our business until they made it so! This would not have happened if you treated the boy better!” Erriox reproached him.

“This one is mine!” The Black Templar suddenly turned as Malaran’s roaring dark form came swinging down with his axe, crashing against the power sword.

**********

“It’s Orca!” Ben exclaimed, his excitement soon waning to worry as he noticed the slightly unbalanced movements of his bonded Astartes.

Lenora glanced at the rearview mirror at the three battling titans as the truck sped forward. It was easy to forget how dangerous space marines actually were with how gently Erriox treated her in the time they’ve been together. Moments like these served a stark reminder at how vulnerable humans were compared to the Astartes. Like great predators in a sea of fish. She shivered, her hands white-knuckling onto the steering wheel. Hopefully the Black Templar was the only one they had to worry about.

“Will they be ok?” Ben’s worried voice piped up.

Lenora gave him a strained smile, “They will be.” They have to be, she prayed to whatever gods that were out there.

It was tense and silent as they turned onto the road leading to Steelix Fortress.

“One day, I’m going to be strong like Orca. Then I can help him fight the bad guys too.” Ben vowed, his voice quiet and resolute.

Lenora laughed uneasily at his naive declaration, “Well, focus on getting stronger first.”

**********

They soon arrived at the fortress gates, smoothly proceeding through to the vehicle bay.

Lenora parked and shut off the truck. Leaning her head back and closing her eyes, she slumped into her seat, letting out a breath of relief. Soreness slowly creeping up her arms after gripping the steering wheel too tightly for so long.

“Ms. Lenora?” Ben asked timidly.

She hummed in question, not bothering to correct him.

“Sorry for giving you guys so much trouble.” His voice was morose and full of regret.

Lenora chuckled and reached over to give the boy a reassuring hug, “Don’t feel bad now, we’re here right? We’re safe here and you’re going to see your mom, and Orca and Erriox are on their way. Everything will be okay.” Ben hugged her back.

“Besides, that was a good test for this truck and my driving skills.” Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, “It was pretty fun drifting around those curves like that.”

Ben laughed, feeling more at ease, “Yeah, that was like the Fast and the Furious movie!”

A knock at her window startled her. Laughing at her own reaction, Lenora turned to see the face of Sirass peering in. They both hopped out of her truck and she turned to greet the Iron Warrior.

“Hello, Sirass! It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” He gently clapped against her shoulder in greeting, “Erriox is still out there?”

She patted his armoured gauntlet affectionately, but her eyes couldn’t meet his gaze, “He and Malaran were still fighting the Black Templar when we left.”

“Brother Alcyon is on his way to meet them.” He replied, easing her worries. She smiled wanly at him, “That’s good. Give him my thanks.”

Sirass went and pulled out the combat knife embedded in the truck chassis, “I’ll hand this over to Erriox once he arrives and see to patching this hole before you leave.”

“Thank you, Sirass. It is much appreciated.” Lenora replied gratefully as she left her truck key on the dash before closing the door.

“I’m ready, Ms. Lenora.” Ben chirped.

The boy smelt familiar, Sirass noted “So you’re Amelia’s son. Ben, correct?”

Ben nodded, reaching a hand to him, “Yes, sir.”

The Astartes chuckled and gently shook his hand, “I am Brother Sirass and I will be guiding you to the medical wing.”

As they walked to the medical wing, Sirass idly asked Lenora, “Did Erriox tell you about the cookies?”

She laughed, “No, he didn’t! Other issues were more pressing at the time. Did you like them?”

He grinned, “They were very good. He said you will bring more next time.”

“Which ones did you like?” She asked.

“The ones with the chocolate pieces on them.”

The oatmeal chocolate chip cookies… never could go wrong with that recipe, she thought. Lenora smiled at him, “I will bring more of those cookies next time. Good thing you told me.”

Sirass dropped them off at the doors of the medical wing, waving goodbye before parting. Lenora and Ben went inside, making their way to where there was a young man in scrubs manning the administrative desk. He looked up, recognizing Lenora.

“Hey! Long time no see!”

“Hey Eric! It’s been a while. How’ve you been?”

Eric waved his hand nonchalantly, “You know, the usual. Always learning. Coffee’s my savior.” Lenora laughed.

Standing up, the medical technician finally got a good look at Ben, who’s hair just crested the top of the desk and had been silent up until now, “Hey! You’re Amelia’s son! You are so much taller than I expected. She talks a lot about you, you know!” He cheerfully greeted him, “Apothecary Osteron is expecting you guys. Room One, if you please. Lenora, you can go with him.”

“Thanks Eric.” Lenora nodded as she directed Ben to the appointed room.

Apothecary Osteron was an imposing Astartes, what with the various medical implements attached to the mechanical arms on his armour and all; that and being one of the few marines that towered a foot above most Astartes at the base. For an Iron Warrior apothecary though, he had surprisingly good bedside manners with baseline humans. Thus, treating humans at the base tended to fall on him.

Ben shuffled in closely behind Lenora, using her body as a shield of sorts.

“Lenora.” His sonorous voice greeted her.

She dipped her head respectfully, smiling, “Apothecary Osteron, it’s good to see you.”

“Good to see you in good health. I see you brought the boy.” He looked over at Lenora at Ben peeking out from behind her.

She nudged the teen, encouraging him to move out into the open, “Hey, it’s alright. Apothecary Osteron is a lovely man, he’s the doctor that takes care of the humans at the base. Don’t be scared.”

Osteron chuckled. He recognized Ben’s scent, “He certainly is Amelia’s boy. She was such a shy thing when we first met too.”

Lenora grinned wryly, “To be fair, you are rather intimidating at first meeting.” The apothecary laughed at that.

“You know my mom?” Ben asked curiously.

“Indeed, youngling. She works with Eric here.” Osteron answered patiently, “Get on the bed, and I will check you over. Erriox said you caught hypothermia?”

Ben shrugged, “Lenora said I had frostnip.”

Lenora answered Osteron, her voice clinical, “Ben was cold and barely awake when he got to us, so we suspected hypothermia. Thankfully, he seems to have recovered once we warmed him up. I checked on his digits thinking there may be frostbite, but it only looks like frostnip instead. We thought it would be better for a doctor to check him over just in case.”

The apothecary nodded, scanning Ben for other injuries once he did his initial check, “The ends of toes are still red, but it is on its way to recovery. The boy is slightly dehydrated as well, but is otherwise fine, he just needs good meals and rest.”

Osteron addressed Ben, “Your toes will be sore for a few days, but as long as you get rest and sufficient food and water, you will be fine. If you feel your toes swelling or you start to feel ill, make sure to come back here, alright?”

The teen nodded, “Okay.”

Satisfied, Osteron patted his head and led them out the examination room, “Good lad. You can wait in the hall for your mother to arrive. If you need anything, just ask Eric.”

Lenora paused as she remembered something, “Osteron, do you know who Amelia is bonded to? Erriox didn’t mention it before we left. I only know that he is one of the chaos Iron Warriors.”

“Brother Alcyon is her bonded.”

She hummed thoughtfully as Osteron left them with Eric.

“My mom! She’s here, right?” Ben asked, his voice hopeful and excited.

The teen deflated at Eric’s answer, “Sorry, Ben. She’s not here yet, but she’s on her way.”

Lenora gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze, “Hey now, you’ve come so far. You only need to be patient and wait a little longer. Your mum’s coming, and Malaran is on his way. Why don’t you take a seat? I’ll join you soon.” Pouting, Ben went and slouched onto one of the Astartes-sized chairs, looking comically small.

Lenora covered her smile at the cuteness. The medical tech gave her a clipboard with some forms to fill out, with a chuckle, “Cute kid. Here's some forms. Just fill out what you can and the rest we can hand it over to Amelia to finish. I’ll have you know, she works with me in the medical ward here. Lovely woman. She misses him. A lot.”

Lenora smiled sadly, glancing at the teen before grabbing a pen from the container, “He missed her very much too.”

“You were thinking about something earlier.” Eric asked thoughtfully, “Something about Brother Alcyon?”

“Yeah, something about his name sounds familiar, but I’m sure I’ve never heard his name outside today.” She replied then shrugged, waving the clipboard of forms, “I’ll hand it back once I’m done.” returning to sit next to Ben.

“You hungry?” Lenora asked the boy.

Ben blushed when his stomach growled, “Yeah, kinda.”

“No worries, you’ve only drank hot chocolate all day, but hadn’t eaten anything yet. Take a look inside your backpack, there should be food and water in there.”

Ben did as she instructed, “Woah! You didn’t have to put so much stuff in there!” he exclaimed. He pulled out a peanut butter and jam sandwich and a bottle of water.

Lenora laughed quietly, “I don’t know where you and Malaran planned to go after. Having some extra food and water is always good just in case of emergencies. Don’t worry about it, I have enough at home.”

She urged him, “Eat up and make sure you drink some water too. You only had hot chocolate the entire day.” Ben didn’t argue and started on his sandwich.

Lenora looked through the intake forms, filling out the blank fields where she could. She paused when she got to the address field, “Hey Ben, where did your mum say she lived again?”

“Somewhere outside the Fortress.”

“And… where the kingfisher lived?” Lenora recalled. Ben hummed an affirmative, mouth full of sandwich. It was then it clicked in her mind. She grinned, “I think I know who the kingfisher is.”

Ben swallowed the last bite of his sandwich, finally satisfied, “Who?” he whispered.

“Alcyon, your mum’s Astartes.” she replied, her voice, equally as hushed.

The boy pursed his lips in confusion, “I don’t get it.”

Lenora chuckled, “Alcyon is the latin species name for the Belted Kingfisher. Though the word can just mean kingfisher in general.” She pulled up the belted kingfisher entry in one of her bird identification apps on her phone, “See?”

“Oh…” Ben took her phone, looking at the picture of the blue and white bird with fascination, then swiped to another bird, “Can I look through this?” He asked.

“Of course.” Lenora said warmly, showing Ben how to back out to the main list of bird species for him to browse. She went to return the forms to Eric while the boy was occupied.

“Where’s Erriox? He’s usually attached to you by the hip.” Eric asked.

Lenora laughed, “Oh come on! No he isn’t.”

The tech snorted, “Well, every time I see you, you’re always together.”

“We make that much of an impression, huh? Maybe it’s only when you see us.” She teased him, her voice then lowered with concern, “He’s out dealing with a Black Templar with Ben’s Astartes. I am worried that they’re not back yet, to be honest.”

Eric hummed thoughtfully, “They’re big tough boys. I’m sure they’ll be okay.”

Lenora gave him a smile, still worried, “I hope so.”

She returned to Ben’s side. The teen handed the phone back to her, “Is there something for fish and marine animals?” He asked.

“I’m not sure, I never used it so never looked for that kind of app.” Lenora replied, “I’m sure there should be something available out there. I can ask my friends if they know.”

“Your friends are marine biologists?” Ben’s voice was full of awe.

“Well… no, but they do know marine biologists.” Lenora laughed.

“Then what do you do?” He asked her.

She smiled, “I’m a wildlife biologist.”

“Like you work with tigers and bears?” Erriox was not far off…, she laughed to herself.

“I work with birds mostly and sometimes reptiles and amphibians, but we also have wildlife cameras to catch some of the bigger animals. Would you like to see?”

“Yeah!” Ben leaned against her as she swiped through the gallery of wildlife camera photos. He’s pretty clever, Lenora thought, listening to him point out the animals in the pictures.

He suddenly laughed, “Who is that?!”

Lenora looked at the image of a jovial Space Wolf grinning at the camera. She giggled, “Sometimes we get space marines passing through. Some of them like to have some fun, when they don’t destroy the camera.”

“Ben?” Both their heads turned at the sound of the voice.

“Mom!”

[maopll]

May I request Trey, Rook, Azul and Jamil with a reader that's a goddess of all that flows (water, dance, music, etc)?

In your ethereal light

| twisted wonderland !

⌗:, you are the goddess revered by many. but when you have a special devotee all to yourself who never bats an eye to other deities? you feel so so special

⌗:, a/n: gotta be my favourite request. I have a hard time figuring out how to make my fics have that warm feeling. I really need to learn more words.

⌗:, characters: trey, rook, azul, jamil

⌗:, warning: none only fluff

,,you've always hid your original identity...you wanted to blend in with the realm where dieties like yourself don't exist. where everyone would visit you to spend time with you..not to worship you and ask for glory and prosperity and so one eventful meeting changes your life...

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

Trey found out about your identity in the most fairytale way possible. He knew something was different about you..the air around you maybe? he couldn't point. you were so sweet, so kind almost in a godlike way

He wanted to confront you about it but he was breathless when he found you, in all your glory in a lake near your dorm. You were on the surface of the water completely balancing yourself with who knows what magic. You were dancing freely without a care. the water was splashing around you.

he stood there. he knew it was rude to stare but he can't help it when you look so beautiful. you noticed his presence and softly called his name. at first he was going to apologise but his worries were soon forgotten when you asked him "did you like my dance?". he did. it would probably grow to become his favourite of all time but you might have to give him an answer as to how you were able to stand on top of water. you told him you were a goddess of all that flows. he was finally starting to piece everything together. you were quite scared to tell him about your original identity but no matter who you are he will always love you because he knows you love him equally as much.

˖ ݁ . ࿓ ˖ ݁ . ࿓

Rook had known something was different about you. You were so soft so gentle...just like a swift flowing stream of water. With you around he would call you with his usual petnames but sometimes he would just get his heart beating so fast with a lovestruck look in his eyes. As if he had just seen the fairest beauty.

He wasn't curious about your original identity. he just had a hunch you were more than the information about yourself you told him. so he just wanted to see what his little rabbit was doing in the middle if nights. Just how astonished he was, he was also quite enamored by your effortless swirls and taps of your feet against the water. As you were done dancing he emerged from the darkness while clapping. He asked you to continue as he loved the way how your dance was so regal. even beasts and birds came from somewhere to watch their goddess in all her beauty.

If he had to choose between loving hunting or loving your dance. He would without hesitation watch you dance once more if it means seeing you dance freely.

˖ ݁ . ࿓˖ ݁ . ࿓

Azul from the start saw that you took great enthusiasm with the landscape of the Octaniville dormitory as it was under water and you would be pleased by all forms of dance. There was nothing wrong with liking performing arts but your enthusiasm was of a master who was well versed in the

Now he was really invested he desperately wanted to know what secrets were you hiding. He was thinking of finding a way on how to make you say it but when he went to your table in the lounge he found you twirling water around your fingers as if they were threads. Flowers bloomed around your head making a wreath. He always found you beautiful and one of a kind but...right now your beauty looked unparalleled.

He gently asked what is it that you were making as a very soft smile hung on his face. You were embarrassed but told him that you were a goddess who can control water and flowers and also a goddess of dances as well.

He was really glad that you were able to tell him your secret and he would promise to keep it safe. He took it really naturally as if he already knew...which he kinda did but hearing it directly from you knowing that you trust him a lot has him bursting with happiness.

˖ ݁ . ࿓˖ ݁ . ࿓

Jamil had enough faith in you not to judge you or question you. He loved you and if you ever had any secrets that you couldn't share with him at the moment, he would wait until you feel comfortable.

But even he can run out of patience. Although he knew it was rude of him to truly ask about whatever you were hiding from him, curiosity got the better of him. He asked you one night when you two were watching the stars from the open grounds. You never expected that he would have understood that you were hiding something but...a secret can't be hidden forever.

So instead of telling him you decided to show him what you are. He was enchanted. Your gently yet passionate dance with little swirls of water forming underneath you feet as you maneuver them carefully as if they were silk. You looked like the pole star under the starry impressions. So bright, so beautiful

You ended you perfect presentation of what you were by extending a little bouquet of flowers to him. Yeah he definitely knows that you are the one and only goddess of all that flows.

His heart did race a bit when he processed that he was the one true lover of a goddess. Then he must give you love equal to what a deity such as yourself must receive

I'm already in physical and mental pain I'm feeling from all the studies of grade 9. I'm dying

[anxi-writes]

Had an urge to write something angsty awhile ago. And thought that maybe tumblr would enjoy this depressing piece of work because, y’know, transformers. Anyways, here’s your food 😋

• ANGST •

It was like a blow to the gut. The glassy windows to outside serving as anything but protection from the sudden emotional pain. The dark space swirls with yellows, oranges and reds, a violent yet beautiful landscape.

A sob escapes from the back of your throat. You didn’t even realise you were crying until now. Your face is drenched in tears, it’s as if you went for dive in an endless abyss of tears. It takes all of your strength to prey yourself from the disastrous scene out in the distance.

A hand clasps your shoulder. Your emotions change like wildfire as you whip around and slap the metal hand away.

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry…? Sorry?? He’s sorry. Where was that apology, that kindness, when he drove his blood stained fist into your planet? Where was his sympathy when he continued to push his own race into near extinction? It’s too fucking late.

“You’re sorry? Well sorry doesn’t bring back my home now, does it?” You hiss with anger. The pit in your stomach boils with rage and you can’t help but release it. Anyone would think you had a death wish with how close you were standing to the ex-warlord. Then again, maybe you did have a death wise. The one thing you were looking forward to and yearned had been incinerated. Dying is the least of your concerns.

“I thought the war was over! I and many others were told that Earth would be safe, that we wouldn’t have to fear a fate such as this!” You’re practically screaming now, your anger burned into your face like the scorched planet of what you once called home. Your crewmates, the aliens you’re now stuck with, look at you with pity. A pettiness that makes you want to just hurl yourself off into the coldness of space. Their pity is the last thing you need. If anything, it just makes matters worse.

“I had a family down there you know? I had a life down there outside of this whole human liaison bullshit!” Tears trickle down your face as you continue to express your anger whilst Megatron stands there. It’s only now that you realise that you might be the last human alive. And that scares you to no end. It’s that thought alone that stops you in your tracks. It stops you from adding onto your continuing verbal assault towards a certain mech, who knows If that��s a good thing or not.

The realisation that you might be the last of your species makes your knees wobble. The sense of dread fills your tiny being to the brim as you find yourself now on your knees. You can’t do this. Fuck this. Your body shakes uncontrollably as you fail to ground yourself. This all seems so bloody dramatic, maybe you would’ve ended up doing great in that one school drama play your teacher begged you to join.

Your vision blurs as you try to pull yourself up from the floor. It’s no use. Maybe it would be better if you just sank into the floor. Sinking into the floor and becoming one with the ship didn’t seem so bad. At this point you would do anything to not be here in this present time.

[thebiggerbear]

Only Ever Holding Onto You - Three - Same Old Shit

A/N: Personally, this is one of my favorites so far because I love Poppernak dearly but also I wanted to delve into the reader a bit more. This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Warnings: a ton of shit (literally)

Word Count: 7114

Series Masterlist

Series Taglist: @deans-spinster-witch; @rieleatiel

You cursed quietly when you stepped in dog shit yet again. You took a deep breath to center yourself, knowing there was nothing you could do and that you would have a good hour or two of cleaning every single tread on the sole of your shoes when you got home to make sure all of the fecal matter was gone. For now, grass and a piece of cardboard that Poppernak hopefully had in the back of his car that could double as a floor mat would have to do. You opened your eyes and surged forward…right into another pile of dogshit.

“Motherfuck,” you hissed as you felt the familiar squishy feeling under your foot and the smell predictably wafted up to assault your nose. This place was a goddamn minefield!

You should have known, seeing the state the house was in as well as the makeshift garage. Not to mention the elderly age of the owners and the large lawn mower that clearly sat unused if the yards of rust covering it was anything to go by. This land hadn’t been worked in a long time; how could you expect that they would clean up dogshit where it remained hidden by grass that was long enough to wave with each passing breeze? Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Pops very carefully moving forward on his chosen pathway, obsessively checking the ground before he took a step. It just hit you that there could even be snakes in here and you could be walking through their damn living room. Son of a bitch.

“Hey Pepper Snaps, be careful! There could be snakes,” you called.

“I wasn’t thinking about that but now I am. Thanks, Y/N.”

You may have rolled your eyes and hoped he stepped in the next pile of dogshit instead of you. 

“Did you find Goldie yet?” An old man shouted from behind you.

You turned around to see Lee Knutson, a man in his eighties, watching you from his porch along with his wife Marilyn, also in her eighties. Both of them owned this property and they had placed a call to the police reporting their dog Goldie as missing. They were frantic and because Helena PD loved to pass calls like this onto your department from time to time, here you were, looking for a dog in a place that could double as Jumanji to appease an old couple who loved their dog more than life itself. Hoyt had passed the call onto you with a smirk, saying “You’re an animal lover, right, Y/L/N? Why don’t you and Pop take this one?” Based on her passive aggressive comment, you knew she was still holding a grudge about your calling the Feds in on the Avuna Pharmaceutical case. You knew she had it in for you before that but now, you knew she was doing everything she could to make your life even more of a living hell as punishment. Especially when Beau publicly backed your play; that just made her burn even more. 

Having no choice other than to send Pops alone, you found yourself entering the previously uncharted wild jungle of Helena, Montana, with him right behind you. You both were wading through shit and a yard that looked like it could double as an apocalyptic landscape because you’d had the audacity to try to do the right thing in a case where all parties were concerned. Something that from what you’d heard, Hoyt would have most likely done herself back in the day. You knew deep down though that her fury at you had more to do with Beau refusing to bust your ass than the Feds getting involved. You had decided that you would let it continue to be her problem and just do your job, like always. But damn if you had imagined it would get this bad. You supposed you should be grateful she hadn’t sent you and Pops into a dangerous situation where you might not escape unscathed, like exchanging fire with a perp, though the smell that smacked you in the face when you turned to face the old man had you almost wishing she had. You’d take anything else anyday over this crap.

“Not yet,” you yelled back. “But don’t worry, Mr. Knutson, we’re still looking!” You hoped you sounded more hopeful than you felt. 

It really had been a shitty week, pun fucking intended. 

The morning after the very weird night you’d had at The Boot Heel, Beau wasn’t in the office. Madge told you he had simply called out, claiming that he was taking a few vacation days, and that he knew the department had things handled. You thanked the woman and frowned at Beau’s closed door as you passed. 

You had texted Beau the night before when you arrived home as he had asked you to, and he wished you a good night, letting you know he was safely home as well (he knew you too well). That had been the last time you heard from him which wouldn’t be that strange if he had shown up for work. You forced your worry back down and told yourself you were fretting over nothing, this spike in nerves you had was just a remnant from the previous evening. Your compass was most likely still recalibrating. Beau was fine, everyone and everything was fine, he had a right to take his well-earned vacation time especially since he never really took a day off — you were overreacting. But just to be safe, you texted Emily to check in. She got back to you within a few minutes, letting you know that she and her mom had a full day planned since they now had time to start painting their new home that they had moved into a few months back. 

Carla had been ready to leave Montana after Avery’s death and Emily’s abduction scare but Beau thankfully had talked her into staying, for Emily’s sake, for his sake — all of their sakes. As soon as Carla sold the property she had shared with Avery, Beau helped her and their daughter move into a new home in a closer neighborhood that she was able to get a good deal on. You knew Beau had been relieved when Carla agreed to stay and you had as well, for him and for you. There was no way you wouldn’t try to follow him back down to Houston if he had gone, especially not when Hoyt might take his place where she could make your life miserable full-time and on the county’s dime. Just like she was already doing this week.

Emily promised to send you pictures of the finished product and you wished her luck, telling her to call you if they needed a hand once your shift was over. Em and Carla were fine; that just left Beau.

Before you could type up a text to check in with him, a quick meeting assembled that you had no idea had even been planned. Hoyt took charge and completely dismissed you, laying down the law for the next few days. She would be distributing calls and deciding who to dispatch. Which you found awful funny because that was bound to create issues with the system Beau already had in place. Madge looked slightly put out until Hoyt wrapped an arm around her shoulders and told her she would need the older woman’s help. You watched the entire scene unfold, arms crossed and leaning against the doorway, smirking and enjoying the show. It didn’t surprise you in the least when she approached you and Pops last with your assignments for the morning, a triumphant grin on her face.

“A couple of calls came in late last night that I’d like you two to follow up on.” She handed the sheet of paper to Pops who took it and scanned it quickly. “You don’t mind, do you, Y/L/N?” 

Your smirk widened. She was clearly challenging you, practically daring you to say something. Beau had made it plain to her and the department often enough that you and Hoyt were equal in his eyes. Neither of you had authority over the other one. He told you later when it was just the two of you that he had done that out of respect for your career and experience thus far but also to give you a leg to stand on when it came to Hoyt. He understood that she worked hard in her position as undersheriff and he wasn’t trying to take that from her but he wanted you in the department working with him and he wasn’t going to demote you to make that happen. You were more than appreciative of his willingness to not only take you on and keep you with him but also to make sure you didn’t go backwards in pay or in your career. You found out later he had even taken a slight pay cut himself when he brought you on board, which you duly chastised him for later, not wanting him to sacrifice anymore than he already had. The response he gave you was a simple wink and his usual boyish smile. 

So Hoyt and the department knew where you stood, something the blonde was testing right now because Beau wasn’t here. The department didn’t give a crap if she took advantage and lorded it over you as long as it wasn’t them, and she expected you to either fold or go running to tell Beau or something along those lines. She clearly didn’t know you at all if she expected any type of reaction she was trying to get out of you. Your grin matched hers. “Not at all.”

Her blue eyes narrowed but then you could see the triumph in her smile, thinking she had won some imaginary victory over you. “Great.” You pushed the urge to roll your eyes deep down, knowing that if anything happened with the department over the next few days, the responsibility was on her alone, officially. Unofficially, you’d keep an eye out during Beau’s absence and not let everything turn to complete shit.

Your smile grew so much that your cheeks started to hurt.

Hoyt began to say something else but before she could get a word out, your phone started ringing. You pulled it out of your pocket and the name on the screen sent your heart into overdrive. “Excuse me. I have to take this.” You didn’t wait for Hoyt to respond or Pops, but one quick glance confirmed she had seen the screen as well. The glare she was currently gracing you with was the glare to end all glares. You ignored it and stepped away as planned, hearing her snap at Pops to make sure you didn’t stay on the phone too long and to get out the door, before storming away.

This time, you did roll your eyes, and you picked up the call.

“Beau?”

“Mornin’.” He sounded okay though his voice seemed a little more gravelly than usual. You attributed it to the early hour. 

“Morning. You okay?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just taking a few days.”

“Long overdue,” you agreed.

“Yeah,” he sighed. 

You glanced around and lowered your voice. “You really are okay, though? You’d tell me if something was wrong… Right? Like you coughing twice or asking me to take the pineapple slices off the pizza to indicate you’re being held against your will.”

He let out a laugh and that made you feel lighter than you had a moment ago. “I’m good, Y/N, I promise. Pineapple on pizza? How in the hell is that a pizza topping? I still don’t get it.”

“You would if you would ever try it when I order it.”

“I will never eat that crap. Who puts fruit on pizza anyway? Besides you?”

“A lot of the population in fact. That’s why it’s so popular,” you teased him.

“I’ve lost all hope for society.”

You finished taking a sip of your coffee. “Really? You’ve been working this job now for two decades and a yellow and very delicious fruit put on pizza is what finally did it for you?”

“Fruit doesn’t go on pizza, Y/N. I’m not having this debate with you again. Not this early,” he groaned.

“The trick is to get it without the sauce. That’s how I order it. It’s only weird tasting when the sauce is added into the mix.”

“If there’s no sauce, then how is it pizza?”

You snorted. “Pizza is all about the cheese.”

“And the sauce. Without sauce, it’s just bread and cheese.”

“Which incidentally are two of the most important ingredients for pizza.”

You smiled in victory when an exasperated sigh came down the line. “Okay, you win. So how do I get out of this conversation that’s happening against my will? Do I sneeze twice or ask for extra cheese?”

“Ha ha. You called me, remember that.” In your peripherals, you noticed Pops signaling to you and pointing to his watch. You nodded and held a finger up. Yes, you knew Hoyt couldn’t wait for you to go out on your crappy call list for the morning, and add more to it during the day most likely. Her pettiness could wait a few more minutes. Guaranteed, this was going to be the best part of your day and you weren’t giving it up that easily. “So, what are your plans for today? Have any or are you just taking it easy for the day?” 

“Actually, I’m gonna head over to Carla’s and help her and Em out for the day.”

A small smile settled onto your face. “Em will be really happy to see you.” And both she and Carla would be happy to have the extra practiced hand no doubt. You almost wished you could join them, to help Emily prank her father by rolling paint all over his clothes if for nothing else.

“Yeah, it’ll be good to see her, too. I didn’t get much sleep last night so I spent a lot of time thinking. About work, about life and…everything, and that’s why I took a few days off. I’m gonna try to convince Em to go camping with me over the weekend. I want to spend some time with my daughter before she graduates and goes off to college.”

“Don’t worry. You’ve got some time before that happens,” you murmured soothingly. You knew this was something he worried about, he’d told you often enough. He felt like he was losing time with Emily, that the window he had was closing more and more with each passing day. That feeling only ramped up after Em had been taken hostage. You couldn’t blame him; for the first few months after, you’d hugged Emily a little longer and a little tighter whenever you saw her, something she endlessly rolled her eyes at but kindly allowed you to do each time.

“Not much.”

You bit your lip, choosing to ignore Pops who appeared in front of you, frantically gesturing behind him. Rolling your eyes, you turned to the side, lowering your voice further. “I think it’s a great idea. I’m glad you’re doing this, taking some time for yourself and to spend with Em. To hell with everyone and everything else these next few days, you hear me?”

“Yes ma’am,” he chuckled.

“And if anyone calls you from the department, I will personally run over their cell phone with my car. Twice.”

“About that…”

“Beau,” you growled in warning, walking away from Pops who was dogging your every step.

“That’s why I’m calling you. I’m not taking any calls from work for the next few days, especially if I get Em to go camping with me. I don’t want any interruptions and I trust that you and Hoyt will have a handle on things while I’m gone.”

You pressed your lips together, hating to lie to your best friend, but it was important for him to take this time. He never willingly took time off and you knew he needed this time with Em, even before he said anything. And for him to have come to this decision so suddenly, you knew he meant it. There was never a single second that Beau hadn’t made himself accessible, day or night, for anyone in the department. So for him to go radio silent intentionally for any period of time, he meant business. “Understood,” you agreed.

“But, Y/N, saying that…I do want you to call me if anything pops up that you think I should know about.”

And there it was, the caveat. “I’m not calling you, Arlen. Like you said, we’ve got this.”

“I mean it. I’m only available to you, Y/N, no one else. I trust your judgment and I know you’ll filter out most of the white noise. But also, if you need anything…you call me.”

“I appreciate that but we’ll be okay,” you reassured, quickly stepping into an empty interrogation room and shutting the door on Pops. You managed to wedge a chair underneath the knob before he could try it, smirking in satisfaction when the door failed to give way and he started knocking instead while calling your name. “And listen, I don’t want to intrude on family time but if you do need a hand with the painting, I can always drop by later, repaint everything you did, take my pineapple pizza I’ll definitely be ordering for a job well done, and go.”

“Hey! I know how to paint!”

“Yeah, you also told me you knew how to cook, too.”

“I can grill,” Beau snapped.

You heard the chair beginning to budge and you pressed all of your weight against the door, trying to prevent Pops from opening it. “Uh huh. I think the charred left corner of your deck would beg to differ.”

“Wow. That was one time and everybody was okay. When are you gonna let that go?”

“Whenever you allow me to call in some hot Helena firefighters next time to put out the fire and let me watch rather than making me extinguish the flames myself with a fire extinguisher I luckily had in my car that day. I was cheated out of muscles and sweat and big, big fire hoses that get everything wet….all that water pressure—”

“Ah, ah, alright, alright. Stop. Bad images in my head. Never coming out now thanks to you.”

You couldn’t help but snicker. “You deserve it. Now, seriously, go enjoy your time with your daughter and leave the department to us. If you need help later or if you just need anything, give me a call.” Pops was pushing against you and you were ashamed to admit you were losing the battle. Your feet were sliding against the floor as the door struggled to open, the chair having been lost some moments ago.

“Thanks. I guess I’ll let you go so you can get to work. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay,” you struggled to get out. “Have fun. Give Em a hug from me.”

“Copy that. And Y/N?”

Pops finally pushed into the room and you had no choice but to abandon your post or be flat up against the wall. “Yeah?”

“Be careful out there.”

Pops was hunched over catching his breath, glaring up at you and pointing to his watch, mouthing “Hoyt”. You smiled sweetly down at him. “You know me. Always am.”

You hadn’t heard from Beau later that day but it was just as well. You had had the day from hell just as you’d expected. You settled down on your couch in the comfiest clothes you could find and binged Real Housewives of Dallas. You normally couldn’t stand these types of reality shows, but this one had grown on you and always provided the perfect distraction. That and Floribama Shore. Beau had been present for at least the first two episodes of the latter to which he stared over at you in disbelief, promptly got up to grab a beer, and told you that he didn’t know you. And you replied back that you didn’t mind as long as he was willing to bring a perfect stranger a beer from your kitchen.

While you were indulging in your comfort show, Em had sent you pictures of the painted rooms as promised. It looked good and you liked the colors she and Carla had picked out. You broke into hysterics when one picture had Beau posing in front of a perfectly painted wall with a smug smirk and holding his arms out proudly. Beau was so lucky you didn’t have the password to the department’s website; you would have uploaded the picture so fast it would have made Poppernak’s head spin. Another picture showed a great selfie of all of the family. You liked that one, all genuine smiles and plenty of paint all over every single one of them (Em obviously had taken your suggestion and started a paint fight, you were so proud), Emily posing in the middle between her parents. It was nice to see them enjoying themselves, especially after the year they’d had. 

You knew it hadn’t been easy for Carla to choose to stay in the same area she and her daughter had experienced so much trauma in; she had told you as much. It was important to her to keep what family she had left together, that’s why she initially wanted to move back to Houston. But when Beau had convinced her to stay, she did it to keep Emily’s family together though it cost her quite a bit personally. You did everything you could to help, leaning into the friendship you used to have with her back in Texas. Not to mention Carla and Cassie had also formed their own sort of friendship thanks to the mutual links of Beau, you, and Emily. There were quite a few times Denise had mentioned to you that she and Cassie had stopped in for tea when Carla was still trying to sell the old property. You all provided as much support as you could, to let her and Emily (and Beau by extension) know that they weren’t alone here.

Your phone chimed with the arrival of a new picture. This one had you bowled over with laughter for the next two minutes. Emily had taken a selfie of her and Beau making horrified faces at the camera, an open box of Hawaiian pizza next to them, the pineapple clear as day on top of the cheese (sans the sauce as you had ordered). Emily had added in text: “Thanks for the pizza…I guess?” You rolled your eyes, smiling, and texted her back that it was pizza and if she could get her dad to eat a piece, she absolutely had to record a video and send it to you. She sent a winky emoji back with a thumbs up when a new message came in from Beau.

You shrugged and quickly typed out a reply. 

You snickered at the emojis he sent in response. Beau didn’t usually do emojis, that had to be Em’s influence, and you sure were getting a kick out of it. 

Satisfied that you had more than made your point about pineapple on pizza being superior, you snuggled down into your pillows and started another episode of Real Housewives. Seeing location shots of Dallas intercut with the episode caused a little pang inside your chest. Perhaps that’s part of the reason you tolerated such a dramatic show. You had only been to Dallas once or twice but still, the images reminded you of home and it provided a tiny salve for your heart, something you needed after such a rough day. Smiling when you were flooded with happy memories, you slowly closed your eyes and you were out like a light before Leanne and Brandi could start fighting for the umpteenth time over who betrayed who while Stephanie watched from the background looking torn.

And the rest of the week had been just as rough. You had come to refer to it as Hell Week between you and Poppernak. Hoyt made sure to give you the worst calls she could pull from the list each morning, either giving them to you directly or giving them to Pops knowing you would join him so he had backup. And you were pretty sure she had Madge dispatching any bullshit calls to you both during the day. Truthfully, it was starting to wear on you a little but you refused to show any trace of it to Hoyt or anyone in the department. That’s exactly what she wanted and you’d die first before giving that spiteful little blonde one goddamn inch.

Poppernak had even mentioned something one afternoon as you rode about an hour outside of town for a new case. It wasn’t his norm to make comments on the ongoing conflict between you and Hoyt, choosing to cruise in neutral territory instead, but that’s how much of a fucked up week it had been.

“Man, what did you do to piss off Hoyt this time?”

You shrugged a shoulder. “I was born, I guess.”

He chuckled nervously and shook his head, turning his gaze back onto the road. “Or something.”

“Or something,” you echoed. 

You hadn’t heard from Beau in a couple of days except for a single text message to let you know that he had convinced Emily to go camping after all. He asked if everything was going okay and you assured him that all was well. It was a lie of course but you refused to tell him the truth. You were a big girl and you could take care of yourself. Besides, you chose to meet Hoyt’s petty bullshit with indifference. 

And now you here were, schlepping through three foot long grass like you were on a fucking safari, looking for some old couple’s runaway dog and finding every conceivable pile of dog shit for you to plow through. Pops was whistling and calling out for the dog in his area and you were pretty sure he hadn’t moved any further since you warned him about potential snakes. Normally, you would have rolled your eyes and planned to tease him later about his apprehension, but in this situation, you couldn’t help but think that he was the smart one. You kept surging forward blindly, hence the crap all over your shoes. 

You had made it a few more feet when suddenly a dark head popped up not that far from your position, startling you and making you gasp. Your eyes went wide when you realized what you were looking at. Was that a…wolf? A goddamn wolf? 

Poppernak called out the name of the dog, and the wolf’s head snapped in his direction. You were stunned, but you still had enough presence of mind to call over to your partner albeit calmly so as not to startle the animal in front of you. “Pops! Shhh.”

“What was that, Y/N? I didn’t catch that. You see something?” He yelled back, making you grind your teeth together.

You carefully raised a hand in his direction to get his attention. “I need you to be quiet,” you carefully enunciated as you watched the wolf staring you down. “There is a wolf in front of me.”

“I’m sorry, did you say a wolf?” Poppernak cried out in a mix of disbelief and alarm. You bit your lip to keep from screaming out at him to shut his trap like you desperately wanted to. The more loud sounds that were made seemed to agitate the wolf and you were right in its sights. If you somehow survived this, you were going to give Pops a serious talking to. If you told him to shut it out in the field while working with him, he needed to shut his damn mouth, no questions asked, case closed.

“Pops, stop making so much noise. You’re pissing it off,” you said as calmly as possible.

“What do you want me to do?” Pops chose to loudly whisper instead. “Should I call Animal Control?”

The wolf bared its teeth at you and growled. Great.

“Don’t think that’s gonna help.”

You watched as the animal tensed and coiled in a backwards motion, almost as if it was getting into an attack position. Your instincts warred with one another; you wanted to reach for your gun to protect yourself but you also didn’t want to make any movements that might pose more of a threat. From the continued growling and its yellow-eyed laser focus on you, it was obvious you were already considered one.

“Y/N,” Poppernak stage whispered to you. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know,” you whispered back. “They didn’t cover wolves in training at the academy.”

“I don’t know, either.”

“You’re from around here, Pops. How the hell do you not know what to do?”

“Hey, they didn’t cover this in training here, either. That’s why we have Animal Control.”

“Pops!”

“Okay, okay. Whatever you do, don’t look it in the eyes. I think I remember my grandpa telling me if you do that with a bear, they’ll take it as a challenge and it’ll make them want to attack.”

The wolf growled at you and coiled back further, making you let out a nervous breath. “It’s a little late for that, Pepper Snaps.”

“Hang on, Y/N. I’m coming.”

“No! Stay where you are!” You yelled out in shock, wincing when you realized your mistake.

You saw more teeth and heard another growl. You decided the hell with it, and slowly moved to grab your gun. This thing was going to attack you, that was obvious, and while you’d rather it just turn and run in the opposite direction, you had to defend yourself. At that very inopportune moment, your phone vibrated in your pocket and your head snapped up, gasping when you noticed the animal ready itself to spring at you. This was it; you were done for. One of your last thoughts was that you hoped your being mauled by one of the apex predators of Montana finally lit a fire under Beau to prompt him to action and he ripped Hoyt a new one for sending you and Pops out into the fucking wilderness with no backup or protection.

“Goldie!” The old man called out from the porch. “Here, girl!” He’d obviously given up trusting that you and Poppernak would find his dog. Based on the wolf in front of you, you had a feeling you knew where the missing pet had gone. 

Almost as if it heard that thought and it had reached its limit on irritation, the animal growled and sprung forward at you, making you surge backwards and cry out as you fell promptly on your ass, right into several piles of dogshit you had somehow missed before. You held an arm up in front of your face as a last defense and closed your eyes, anticipating the feeling of those sharp teeth you had seen and the ensuing pain.

“Y/N!” Poppernak shouted. You could hear him running towards you. “I’m coming!”

 Much to your surprise, the pain didn’t come. The impact didn’t even happen. Your eyes snapped open in time to see a tail whooshing past you. In shock, you watched as the wolf broke into a run towards the house. 

“Pops! It’s heading towards the house!” You managed to get out. “The Knutsons!”

“Oh shit!” Had this been any other time, you would have laughed in surprise at Pops’ cursing; he never cursed. But this wasn’t any other time. “Mr. Knutson, get in the house! Get Mrs. Knutson and get inside! NOW!”

You went into a panic when you saw Lee make eye contact with the animal and instead of grabbing his wife and fleeing into the house as Pops instructed, a huge smile broke out onto his face and he held his arms out. “Goldie!”

The wolf increased its speed and you pulled your gun, jumping to your feet and running as fast as you could, Poppernak not too far behind you, both of you thinking the same thing: Lee was old and his eyesight might not be the best. He probably believed he saw his dog running towards him and being overwhelmed with relief, he didn’t think anything of it. He probably hadn’t even heard Pops’ yells too well, either, but even if he had, he’d probably think the deputy was mistaken. He was seeing his dog returning home to him. There was no way you were going to match the speed of the animal, it was going to beat you to the Knutsons, but you were determined to try. You just hoped you got there in time enough that the injuries wouldn’t be too bad. 

You heard the wolf bark as it jumped onto the porch, right at the old man. “Get back, sir!” Poppernak yelled next to you. Your lungs and legs were burning, but you pushed yourself to pick up speed and gave it all you had, making leaps over little objects that littered the portion of the yard you were in to give yourself more momentum.    

But to your surprise, the wolf stopped right before colliding with Lee, and instead raised up on its hind legs, placing its paws on his chest. “Shit,” you panted out and pumped your arms to help you move even faster. The wolf’s tongue was hanging out in between barks and you were close enough now to hear it let out a few cries, too. But thankfully, it didn’t attack Lee, or Marilyn when she got up and hurried over, the smile on her face mirroring her husband’s. It also didn’t bite Lee as he petted its huge head.

“Goldie! Where have you been? We’ve been so worried about you!” The wolf barked in the man’s face, making him laugh.

You and Poppernak came to a halt right in front of the house and began to raise your guns to porch level and stopped, thinking the older couple was still confused. “Mr. Knutson, be very careful,” the deputy warned. “Don’t make any sudden movements.”

Both Lee and Marilyn glanced down at you in confusion. “What do you mean?” The former asked.

“Mrs. Knutson, carefully step away, slowly,” you added. You were still working out in your head how you were going to get Lee safely out of the way and how you could scare the wolf off so you wouldn’t have to shoot it. Poppernak could then call Animal Control and get them out here so the Knutsons would be safe. Catching a whiff of yourself, realizing it was actually wolf shit you had been trekking through this entire time, you even entertained the thought of looking into getting someone out here to clean up the property for them.

Marilyn’s brows furrowed. “Why? You found our Goldie!”

“Ma’am, that’s not Goldie,” Pops calmly stated, both of your eyes still centered on the large animal who growled in your direction.

“Yes, it is!” Lee insisted.

“Sir,” you began. “I’m afraid it’s not.” You really didn’t desire to tell these people that their beloved dog was gone, most likely killed by the predator in front of them, but that was something you could worry about after everyone was safe. 

“It is too Goldie! Watch!” Lee glanced down at the animal, forcing it to make eye contact. “Goldie, sit!”

And to both yours and Poppernak’s shock, the wolf jumped down and did just that, looking as docile as any well-trained pet. 

“Good girl,” Lee praised. “Now, lay down.” The wolf again did as the old man instructed, wagging its tail.

You and your partner exchanged a mystified look; had the Knutsons been feeding a wolf this whole time? And now it was following their commands? How was this even possible? Just when you thought you’d seen everything.

Lee began to laugh. “Oh, I see. You think she’s a wolf from the wild, right?” 

You failed to see the humor and swiftly nodded, still keeping your eye on the animal. “She’s not?” Poppernak asked in disbelief.

“Oh my Lord, no. Goldie here is a hybrid. We’ve had her since she was a pup. Got her from a breeder. So you can relax now and put those guns away. You’re making her nervous.”

Poppernak slowly placed his back in his holster but you simply lowered yours. The wolf may now be watching you in keen interest, tongue lolling out of its mouth and panting heavily, but you still remembered how aggressive it looked back in the yard when you came across it. You weren’t blindly trusting what the old man was telling you; you needed proof first.

“Mr. Knutson, when I asked you what your dog looked like, you told me it had black fur and yellow—”

“Eyes,” Lee finished for you. “That’s why we call her Goldie. They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

One glance at the wolf confirmed the rich gold staring back at you. 

“But when we asked you the breed, you said it was a mutt, half King Shepherd. Not to mention it was about to attack Y/L/N here.” You gave a subtle nod of appreciation to your partner at that last little mention. Both of you were trying to desperately make sense of this odd situation. Especially since you asked for a photo of Goldie and you were told you didn’t need one since she had to be lost on the property somewhere, possibly hurt or dying. It wasn’t like her not to come home by nightfall; her being missing for two days straight, she was in trouble. Their urgency overrode your attempts to get a visual of the animal you were looking for. You’d even tried to persuade them to supply you with a photo anyway but Lee had been adamant, which is exactly why you and Pops had been making your way through the endless yard.

“That’s her dog half. And a hybrid is a mutt,” Lee mused, smiling down at his pet. “I know she’s big and scary looking but I assure you she’s harmless. You probably just scared her is all. She doesn’t care for trespassers and she’s a little wary of visitors.” Marilyn nodded along with him.

You looked over at Pops who gave you a shrug, unsure of how to proceed. You let out a heavy breath and slipped your gun back into your holster, your gaze landing back on the wolf who laid her head down on her paws, almost as if she was trying to look innocent of the accusation that had just been made against her. Your eyes lifted to her owner when a thought hit you.

“You got her from a breeder, you say? Surely you’ll have papers for her then.”

Lee scratched at his head. “We do, somewhere. It’d take us forever to find it but, hey! You ask the sheriff or Miss Hoyt. They know Goldie, they know she’s legal.”

Your jaw tensed at the mention of the undersheriff. You knew she was saving the worst calls for you to go out on and you had accepted this week was pure hell that you would get through no matter what, but this…this was just plain vindictiveness at its best. Now the smirk she’d given you when giving you this call made sense, along with her insisting Animal Control wasn’t needed when you mentioned it and the Knutsons were a lovely old couple that just needed a little hand holding since they didn’t have anyone else, their kids and grandkids having long ago moved out of state.

“Y/L/N, the dog is probably somewhere in the yard and they don’t even know it. It would mean a lot to them if we respond to let them know we’re taking it seriously. Just go out there, look around, whistle a few times, and if the dog doesn’t come running, then tell them we’ll put flyers up. Open and shut case, trust me.”

You weren’t a violent person by any means. You could certainly hold your own in a fight but that wasn’t the way you preferred to resolve things. But if Hoyt were here in front of you right this second, you would have decked her.

You glared over at Poppernak who was gaping over at you. He seemed just as surprised as you so that made you feel slightly better. At least the whole department hadn’t been in on this. You gave Lee a curt nod and turned to head back to the car, more than done for the day, when you heard a loud gasp from behind you.

“Oh, honey.” You spun around, thinking the worst only to find Marilyn holding a hand over her mouth, her gaze intent on you, while Lee appeared to be struggling to hold in a laugh. You knew it before she even said it. “You are just covered in…in…”

“Dog shit,” Lee finished for his wife and burst out into laughter. Goldie began barking excitedly, almost as if she was trying to laugh along with her owner. She ignored the glare you sent her way and kept on barking. You glanced down and you were indeed covered in the excrement. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Pops hold a closed fist up to his mouth, making a sound that suspiciously sounded like a chuckle and taking a step away from you. You scowled over at him, daring him to join in the laughter. The chuckle morphed into a sudden cough mixed in with a throat clearing, his expression turning sheepish.

Marilyn didn’t laugh, though. “I have some baby wipes,” she offered.

“Thank you,” you grumbled, not able to inject any gratitude into your voice just then. You hoped you didn’t sound too rude. Baby wipes were certainly better than nothing. 

“Of course. I’ll be right back.” Marilyn hurried inside the house and you couldn’t help but continue to glare at the dog who watched you intently, tongue hanging out, not a care in the world, and a gleam in her golden eyes that confirmed for you that she found your predicament just as entertaining as her owner did. You shot her a ferocious glare as you worked to get your jacket off carefully with Poppernak’s help. Seeing the excrement now caked underneath your fingernails, you left out an irritated huff. Hell week indeed.

A/N: This was the image I had in my head of Goldie btw (black fur, yellowish eyes):

This is a full on wolf but definitely the look could fit the hybrid I think, depending on genetics and the dog breed of course.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

[bethanydelleman]

What do you think Austen encompasses when she refers to “taste” and “manners”? I’m trying to think past the obvious but I don’t really know what these concepts meant in the early 19th century, but they were clearly important descriptives.

Thanks for your thoughts!

This is a big question, as Jane Austen's works are often described as a "comedy of manners" and the concept of taste comes up a lot! There are certainly nuances in the way she uses these words. I'm going to do taste in this response and manners in another post because this got long.

Taste comes in two forms, natural and educated. Lady Catherine in Pride & Prejudice snobbishly describes herself as having the former:

There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.

While this is most likely a jab at people who claim natural taste while being uneducated, and a display of Lady Catherine's misplaced pride. In Sense & Sensibility, Elinor defends Edward by claiming he has natural taste:

“What a pity it is, Elinor,” said Marianne, “that Edward should have no taste for drawing.”

“No taste for drawing!” replied Elinor, “why should you think so? He does not draw himself, indeed, but he has great pleasure in seeing the performances of other people, and I assure you he is by no means deficient in natural taste, though he has not had opportunities of improving it. Had he ever been in the way of learning, I think he would have drawn very well. He distrusts his own judgment in such matters so much, that he is always unwilling to give his opinion on any picture; but he has an innate propriety and simplicity of taste, which in general direct him perfectly right.”

Now "taste" doesn't seem to only be "the ability to discern what is of good quality or of a high aesthetic standard." it also speaks to execution, as we see here in Northanger Abbey:

Her taste for drawing was not superior; though whenever she could obtain the outside of a letter from her mother or seize upon any other odd piece of paper, she did what she could in that way, by drawing houses and trees, hens and chickens, all very much like one another.

This sentence would suggest the definition of taste to be something like "skill". Etymoline gives this definition:

Also from c. 1300 in English as "to touch, to handle." From early 14c. as "have experience or knowledge of" (of bliss, bitterness, etc.). The meaning "exercise the sense of taste" is recorded from late 14c.... The meaning "aesthetic judgment, artistic sensibility, faculty of discerning and appreciating what is excellent" is attested by mid-15c... The sense of "fact or condition of liking or preferring something, inclination" is from late 14c. 

Henry Tilney talks about taste as something like skill as well:

“I should no more lay it down as a general rule that women write better letters than men, than that they sing better duets, or draw better landscapes. In every power, of which taste is the foundation, excellence is pretty fairly divided between the sexes.”

Austen also makes a bit of a pun about taste, would not disgust a young person of taste, when talking about the merits of novels.

We see taste associated with education again here:

They were viewing the country with the eyes of persons accustomed to drawing, and decided on its capability of being formed into pictures, with all the eagerness of real taste. Here Catherine was quite lost. She knew nothing of drawing—nothing of taste... her attention was so earnest that he became perfectly satisfied of her having a great deal of natural taste.

Similar to Pride & Prejudice: Lady Catherine continued her remarks on Elizabeth’s performance, mixing with them many instructions on execution and taste.

And then of course, we have Elizabeth's admiration of Darcy's taste when she sees Pemberley:

Elizabeth was delighted. She had never seen a place for which nature had done more, or where natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste... The rooms were lofty and handsome, and their furniture suitable to the fortune of their proprietor; but Elizabeth saw, with admiration of his taste, that it was neither gaudy nor uselessly fine,—with less of splendour, and more real elegance, than the furniture of Rosings.

And again, the association with education:

She listened most attentively to all that passed between them, and gloried in every expression, every sentence of her uncle, which marked his intelligence, his taste, or his good manners.

Mary had neither genius nor taste; and though vanity had given her application, it had given her likewise a pedantic air and conceited manner, which would have injured a higher degree of excellence than she had reached. Elizabeth, easy and unaffected, had been listened to with much more pleasure, though not playing half so well; and Mary, at the end of a long concerto, was glad to purchase praise and gratitude by Scotch and Irish airs, at the request of her younger sisters, who with some of the Lucases, and two or three officers, joined eagerly in dancing at one end of the room.

So, to sum up this massive litany of quotes, natural taste seems to be an inclination in the right direction, which can be honed with proper education. Real taste comes from a place of education. There seems to be a suggestion that one type of taste can be correct, it is not just a matter of opinion. Jane Austen argues that novels should be a part of that "correct" taste. I imagine that taste changed with movements, such as Romanticism and the idea of the picturesque.

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: October 2024

I'm not one for horror so don't expect too much spooky stuff out of this recap.

……….FILM……….

Dredd (2012) Karl Urban deserves greater recognition for this if for no other reason that that frown. I doubt we'll ever get another one of these so to me the ending sends a clear message that the only way to avoid becoming a bad apple is to quit the bushel.

Perfect Blue (1997) Loosely knowing the premise, I thought I was prepared for what I watched but HO BOY was I not! Some truths are timeless and I think the now dated technology makes it all hit even harder. So well directed and a perfect use of animation. This is going to stick with me for a while.

Millennium Actress (2001) After Perfect Blue, I wanted to continue with the director's filmography (Satoshi Kon) and wasn't ready for how this would FLOOR ME. Such an emotional and lovely depiction of the intermingling between art and life and what drives an artist throughout their career. And the trope of characters playing multiple roles in different time periods will always land for me.

Death Becomes Her (1992) I only know Meryl Streep from this, The Devil Wear Prada, and the Mamma Mia series so to me, she's strictly a comedic actor. Given its subject matter, this continues to age surprisingly well.

Hansel & Gretel (2002) Felt like a made-for-tv movie but turns out it had a theatrical release! I did laugh at the Boogeyman subbing in for the Sandman and the design of the Witch's oven is cool, but that's about it.

……….TELEVISION……….

Dandadan (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) Teens fight aliens and ghosts? Heck yes. I will say the first ep has an alien abduction scene that almost turned me off of the entire show but once you get past that, everything else is really great. Fun worldbuilding, clever rules, and at its core it's a charming romcom. Just promise me you'll watch past the abduction.

Neon Genesis Evangelion (Episode 1.23 to 1.26) Okay so that's the ending! Not what I expected but you know what? I don't mind it. I know there's a movie that continues on after this BUT if it ended here I think I'd be okay with it. What a strange series.

Love is Blind (Episode 7.01 to 7.13) I keep thinking "why would anyone still sign up for this?" but here I am into another season asking "why would anyone still watch this?" And dang that reunion was meeeeeeeessy.

Love is Blind UK (Episode 1.01 to 1.04) This iteration feels a little more sincere, but that may be because the cast seems a little older or because the machine hasn't yet pumped out minor celebrities so folks don't know what might lie ahead? Either way I'm a fan.

……….YOUTUBE……….

Dead Man's Bones (Ft. Ryan Gosling) - Documentary Special Presentation by Pitchfork While spooky season is nearly over, the music of Dead Man's Bones is evergreen. Watch this, if you haven't seen it, and especially listen to the album if you haven't heard it. VIDEO

Game of Clones by Just Write As much a reflection on how artists can't create in a vacuum as it is a critique of the modern tv landscape. There's a lot on influence and the different ways artists react to prior work that I found both informative for my own approach and just generally really interesting. VIDEO

Why Are Movies So Obsessed With Trains? and The Infinite Possibilities of Train Action Scenes | Blue Flame Special by Patrick H. Willems I love trains. VIDEO (Obsessed) VIDEO (Blue Flame Special)

Black Cops Won't Save Us by F.D Signifier I'm not going to be able to add anything new to what's already been said in this video. VIDEO

……….READING……….

Hallowe'en Party by Agatha Christie (Complete) Very excited I found this at the start of the month but turns out Halloween plays a very small role. Not one of her strongest, perhaps because I felt like I'd pieced the mystery together far too soon.

Swords and Deviltry by Fritz Leiber (Complete) There's something so wonderful about a story where two guys meet and immediately clock each other as awesome and become best friends. Such a delight. The end may be a worn out trope that you could spot a mile away, but it's all so evocative and swiftly paced that I just have to shrug and accept it was written in 1970.

Beauty by Kerascoët & Hubert (Complete) I wish I knew about where to find more comics like this. The artwork is loose and evocative but filled with details when necessary (and the COLOURS are so fantastic and are contained to each page to really highlight the format). The writing is also killer as it's both mature and whimsical. Every time I read this I'm reminded of just how fantastic it is.

The Adventures of Tintin: Red Rackham's Treasure (Complete) Grew up watching the cartoon yet never read any of the comics so when I saw this at a thrift, I was really excited. While mostly self-contained, it really does feel like it's part of a bigger story and I suppose I was expecting a little more pulp adventure? The art is stellar so I'll continue to pick these up as I see them.

……….AUDIO……….

Slugger by Sasami (2024) Two solid songs though I admit I tend to prefer her fuzzier/more dangerous-sounding tracks from Squeeze. Here's hoping the full album has a good mix.

Search Engine (Podcast) Always a great listen but their recent two-parter about why it's so hard to tax billionaires in the united states was a particular standout.

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Tuesday Crew just relocated some migrating birds and are now choosing from their myriads of quests. You can read all about them here!

The Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom (Nintendo) Top down Zelda is always going to be great, and this art style is 100% what I want out of games. Do I like the summoning mechanic? Sure. Do I think it leads to game design feeling half-baked? Yes. But I will say it stuck the landing so overall: big fan.

And that's it. See you in November!

[sur-i-ki]

Darling, You’re glowing (1)

There are no words to describe how much you adore Naruto.

Ever since you and him met each other when you were children, you have always loved him with your entire heart. You made sure that he had someone to come home to. You made sure he had balanced meals and helped him with whatever Academy stuff you could as a civilian.

But you both were hiding secrets that you didn’t even know about. How he was a weapon for the village, a power chip in the grand scheme of shinobi politics. How, with a flick of his fingers, entire landscapes would change to follow his command.

And you? You also had a power lying dormant in you. A last, desperate ditch for the village. A sacrifice that would buy them time to run, to protect their weapon. It was woven into your very being, cells riddled with seals.

As Naruto had left the village to train, Tsunade calls you over. As a lowly civilian, this would’ve shocked you, but by being so close with Naruto, his connections in the shinobi world were yours as well.

“You called for me, Hokage-sama?”

Tsunade turns towards you, her hand just barely crushing a file as she moves to sit down at her desk.

“It seems like my sensei has hidden a far bigger secret in this village.”

You stood there, baffled and confused. Yes, you knew about Naruto. When you both had learned about his secret, he was devastated, and you were there to console him. Told him that you would never see him as a monster, and he is Naruto, not the demon fox spirit sealed inside. You didn’t care, because you would love him regardless.

“It seems that you are a fail safe. A last resort of defence for the jinchuriki of the village.”

As Tsunade went on explain how you were a dormant ninja, with powers rivaling the Shodiame Hokage, there was a high pitched ringing in your ears. Seals. Thousands of them. The thrum of them loud now that you were aware. All throughout you. In you.

Nonononononononononono…

Did you love Naruto? Or was it controlled by the seals inside of you? Was the love you felt for him real? Are your own thoughts real?

Did you belong to yourself?

“It also appears,” Tsunade continues, “That the power will kill you due to the strain it will put on your body, as it is not developed.” She sighs, “Therefore, up on the activation of the power, you would die by the time the danger is over.”

why

Your mind was silent. Or too loud, you couldn’t tell. You stared up to the Hokage. Tsunade’s eyes are filled with anger, rage and sadness.

“I was hoping that we would be able to train you, help you harness the power, but according to the notes written here, that will result in immediate death, as a attack if anyone was trying to control you.” Her eyes flash. “It is more likely that we may heal you, but we won’t know what side effects will occur.”

whywhywhywhy

Your heart had already shattered to a million pieces, but it seems like your life wanted to follow. But, you have to push it all aside. You have a duty to Naruto.

You will love him, no matter if it was written into you, or by your own violation. You will always love and protect Naruto. You couldn’t care less about yourself.

“… what would you like me to do, Hokage-sama?”

Because even if you were a civilian, even if you would die, the only thought that echoed in the remnants of your heart was that at least you could finally do something for Naruto.

Tsunade eyes harden, and you know your talking to a military leader of deadly humans, and not a leader of the village anymore.

“Since the anchor of the seal, my sensei has died, we are gonna to have to seal you. It will be like jail, constantly monitored with reapplications of seals by Kakashi until Jiraya returns.”

The dread, the hopelessness, and the anguish that fell upon you brought you to your knees, although you didn’t let a single tear fall.

“I understand, Hokage-sama.”

With a wave of her hand, Kakashi shunshins into the office. With his one eye, he looks at you with sorrow. You are close with Team 7, by always wanting to tag along with Naruto. You might as well be apart of the team.

And as you are led to the gutters of the village, as you are stripped into nothing but your undergarments, as the shackles clamps around your hand and feet, bringing you to your knees, you can only think of him.

Naruto

His name is a tattoo your heart beats into your chest, his face the only thing you can see in your mind. The first tear trickles down your face. Kakashi looks down at you with sorrow, even as his steady hands start the application of the seal around the ground you kneel on.

“Kakashi-sensei?”

He looks down at the ground. You continue.

“I am never going to leave until I have to die, am I?”

You voice cracks on the final words, and Kakashi flinches as if it were a whip. You were barely thirteen.

As the first cold stroke of the ink settles on your lower back, your final wish for Naruto to be able to move on echoes in your mind.

Then, Kakashi’s chakra wraps around you, and all you know is pain.

Part 2

⇝ 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥! 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Pieces of us

I'm still suffering over beefleaf if yall were curious.

Inspired by NF-Wait

"If you've come here to laugh at my misfortune, feel free to do so, I'll laugh with you!" Shi Qingxuan says cheerfully as he sinks a load of laundry into the cold water of a patchy wooden basin, the off-white robes looking nothing like the kind he used to wear not too long ago. They appear simple and modest, more likely hand-me-downs from the people living in those slums - had the Shi Qingxuan of the past been forced to wear them, he would have wept at the mere sight.

But it seems as though he's grown accustomed to his new lifestyle. He's sat atop the one step in front of his shoddy house, the basin between his legs as he works, and had He Xuan not known anything about him, he would have never guessed this to have been the former Wind Master.

But then again, had anybody looked at him as well, donning black robes and a blank expression, they probably would not have guessed him to be Black Water Sinking Ships either.

Appearances are deceiving.

"I have not come to laugh at you." He Xuan finds his voice at last, monotone and inexpressive. He does not elaborate on the reason that he has come, though, largely because he does not have one.

At least, not one he is able and willing to admit out loud.

"Then what brings the great Black Water Demon Xuan here?" Shi Qingxuan asks just as cheerfully, standing up to shake water off the robes he had been washing.

He Xuan does not respond. Shi Qingxuan does not seem to mind him standing by the little gate to his cottage, so he lets the silence stretch for longer.

When Shi Qingxuan limps to hang the robes on the clothesline, He Xuan looks away with something dangerously close to shame in his eyes.

"You've been...well?" He Xuan asks and berates himself mentally immediately after. What kind of question is that? A life on the dregs of society, disabled and void of spiritual energy could in no way be good, try as one might. He feels ridiculous for having asked, for even being here in the first place.

He wants to leave and yet his feet won't move.

"I've seen better days." Shi Qingxuan laughs, but in the crystalline sounds the hint of regret is damning, "But life goes on."

Does it? He Xuan wants to ask but he doesn't find it in himself to.

"I do miss being able to shift into a female form, though." Shi Qingxuan continues, "I'd always been more comfortable that way, but it's not like there's spiritual energy laying around to be used."

He Xuan looks away again, trying to find something to think about other than...what happened. But the more he stares at the impoverished landscape bordering the grandiose capital, the more he feels an almost-guilt, almost-regret.

And almost-yearning.

Shi Qingxuan limps to hang up a surprisingly pristine bedsheet in the sun to dry. He Xuan must admit that, despite the decrepitude of Shi Qingxuan's current abode, everything appears as orderly and clean as possibly can, giving the house an air of nobility even in such a desolate place.

"Either way," Shi Qingxuan says, "If you're here just for a visit, I'm sorry to say that this host is rather modest, I've only some cheap wine and stew leftovers to treat you with."

"No need. I will not stay for a meal."

A look of surprise (almost concern) passes Shi Qingxuan's features. "No? How come?"

"I am not...hungry."

"Since when are you not hungry?" Shi Qingxuan laughs, "Are you ill? You used to always be munching on something wherever we hung out! Looking back, I should've definitely seen the signs!"

The humorous tone of the other settles into He Xuan's heart like a thousand swords, so striking that he flinches imperceptibly as he hears them.

Spending time with Shi Qingxuan feels like a thing of a bygone past, a memory from lifetimes away - almost as if it had not been He Xuan there by the Wind Master's side, entirely dissassociated.

He will never be able to call any of those memories his own - they did not belong to him, He Xuan, but to Ming Yi, a mask, a fraud - but he does revisit them sometimes.

(Which is why he has locked up Shi Wudu's head in a small corner of his cellar instead of placing it in the main hall of his palace as he'd initially intended - the satisfaction of revenge always seemed to be overshadowed by Shi Qingxuan's screams ringing in his ears, haunting him like a wrathful ghost that could never be apprehended).

Shi Qingxuan drags his broken foot through the dirt, limp as the arm that hangs at his side, immobile. The small yard is surprisingly well-maintained, but the earth is nevertheless rocky, and Shi Qingxuan trips onto a small, sharp stone, a yelp leaving his lips.

He Xuan moves before he knows it and catches Shi Qingxuan right as he was about to hit the ground.

It feels both foreign and familiar to find himself holding the other in his arms, like revisiting your home town after a century only to realize everything has changed and not even the people you knew are there anymore.

He Xuan locks eyes with Shi Qingxuan, though, and he knows he's still there, the one that He Xuan knows, the one that He Xuan...

Shi Qingxuan rights himself and smiles sheepishly as he disentangles himself from He Xuan's embrace. "Sorry about that, it seems that god or mortal, I am inevitably clumsy. I really need to ask for help to get rid of all of these stones one of these days, I keep tripping-"

"Qingxuan."

He Xuan's voice is level and firm, almost like a warning but in reality, a plea.

Shi Qingxuan understands and shuts up, looking towards He Xuan with an unreadable expression, a mix of emotions in his eyes. He had been trying to act casual, but the slight tremble in his fingers had given him away easily. Whether the tremors were from fear or anger, it was hard to say.

"The past is the past." Shi Qingxuan begins, tone unusually level. "It cannot be changed or altered. One must accept the hand that has been dealt to them... sooner or later." He sighs, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. "This is how it was always meant to be."

He Xuan looks at the former Wind Master, at the beauty and refinement of his features, at the broken limbs, at his modest livelihood, at the way that, despite it all, he persists.

The sky turns dark and droplets fall from the sky, slowly then all at once. Shi Qingxuan curses at the heavens as he struggles to save his freshly washed laundry.

A pair of deft hands and quick feet join him silently.

The pitter patter of the rain fills the silence as they take shelter in the small hut.

On a small table, the Windmaster fan rests like a centerpiece. Dust has gathered on the fine handle.