#this will take a long time but. so does learning new things :)

[xinganhao]

🍨 svt spoiling their partner.

★ prompt: how ot13 spoils their partner? 🥹🥹🥹 i am just a girl give me treats c/o @shinwonderful

ⓘ established relationship, pet names, fluff. headcanons under the cut. special thanks to @chugging-antiseptic-dye for helping! ♡

🍨 read more?

seungcheol 𖹭 planning dates. he will refuse to let you lift a finger for your day out. everything will be meticulously laid out, finetuned to be something that you'll enjoy. his goal is to lessen the mental load of decision-making and planning; he wants you to be able to focus solely on enjoying the surprise, and he'll break his back to make sure that happens.

jeonghan 𖹭 'parallel play'. even if the two of you might not be interested in the same things, that's okay. he's happiest to spend quality time with you at home, where the two of you are free to do your own thing within eachother's presence. just being in your vicinity already makes him content, and so he plans everything around the two of you getting to explore and share your respective hobbies.

shua 𖹭 acts of service. need help with your taxes? need someone to fill up your tank? he's already on it. he'll say that these are all 'little things', call it the bare minimum, when it's apparent that he makes it a conscious effort to make your day-to-day easier. his brand of spoiling you comes in the form of quietly doing things that will improve your quality of life.

junhui 𖹭 buying clothes you'll like. he can't help it, really. when he sees an article of clothing that he thinks suits your style? when he finds a local brand that shares your advoacy? he's already pulling out his wallet. he likes the idea of dressing you up. nothing makes him happier than knowing you're wearing an outfit that he entirely picked out for you.

soonyoung 𖹭 daily reasons why he loves you. people always joke that he has a bit of a motormouth, so why shouldn't he use it on talking about you, you, you? he's big on words of affirmation, on making sure you never doubt how he feels for you. he'll point out the little and big things that make him adore you, and it's never the same reason twice.

wonwoo 𖹭 indulging your interests. he may not always understand these trends— blind boxes, must-have fashion pieces, et cetera— but he'll never make you feel bad about it. if there's anything that you want, he's already doing everything within his power to get it. his greatest joy is seeing your face light up once he's gotten you your 'priority' item; it's why he keeps doing it in the first place.

jihoon 𖹭 trying new things for you. there's a long list of things that jihoon never thought he'd do, but then he started dating you. time and time again, he willingly goes out of his comfort zone to accompany you on the little adventures and experiences that you ask to go on. he does these things scared, does them anxious, does them begrudgingly,— does them all for you.

seokmin 𖹭 meals he thinks you'll like. he's the type to have dozens of tabs open for homemade recipes dot com. he knows he's an amateur at this, but he's undeterred in trying. whether it's a trending pastry on tiktok or the comfort meal that your mother makes you, he's determined to learn it so you're always eating well.

mingyu 𖹭 getting-to-know card games. he gives as good as he takes, which means mingyu's way is to listen and remember. a night where the two of you can just have deep conversations with no interruptions is his ideal evening. he will know he succeeded if the two of you end up talking until the sun rises, feeling like the hours haven't passed at all.

minghao 𖹭 postcards from tour stops. he loves art and he loves you. his postcards are pocket-sized reminders of those facts, always packaged with a few choice words that are sweet and sincere. his trinkets are very "i-got-you-this-because-it-reminded-me-of-you" in nature, and you know each one was purchased with you at the front of mind.

seungkwan 𖹭 getting you your favorites. he figures he should put his industry connections to use somehow. he's always amused by how happy you get over a rare photocard, signed album, or concert tickets, and so he keeps it up. buying dozens of albums, contacting other labels, bearing the arduous ticketing. your excitement at the end of it makes it all worth it.

vernon 𖹭 producing songs. he hadn't really pegged himself as the making-music-for-the-sake-of-it type until he met you. now, he revels in getting to send you a track that's for your ears only. all the lyrics just seems to flow naturally when it's you inspiring him, and so he sends you works-in-progress with reminders that you're the only intended audience.

chan 𖹭 at-home massages. he's all too familiar with the aches of an ailing body, so he knows exactly how and where to work on you. he always does what he calls 'the works'— a good bath, scented candles, essential oils. he lets you take your time, and he takes his time with you in helping you unwind.

› scroll through all my work ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ my masterlist | @xinganhao

[warblogs17282]

Sinsmas is coming out today! So let's quickly discuss what we know about the episode right now.

Vivzie's Bluesky Thread:

Things we learn from this thread:

There will be quite a long wait until the start of season three, but we will have closer releases of episodes, considering that the team wants to commit to a more traditional release. This also has double confirmed that season three has 15 episodes. Season three will also be 'bigger and better'.

We will be getting shorts during the wait until season three, I assume it'll be like last time where we get a short every single month.

And of course, we gotta prepare ourselves to go out with a BANG!

Sam Haft calls the episode 'PACKED!', meaning yet again we're in for a ride and a half, that's for sure.

Yea, all the confirmation I need that Octavia's song is going to absolutely destroy us all emotionally when we hear it, SAM HAFT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, WHAT DOES THIS MEA-

Brandon's Instagram Story:

Transcript:

"I'm so anxious for the new helluva boss episode to drop. I went back and I've been rereading the script over and over and over and I don't read."

So we also have Brandon fanning the flames of our anxious waiting as well.

Right as I was in the middle of writing this post Vivzie said that she was doing the final checks on the episode, and that she's in constant awe of what the artists at Spindlehorse are capable of.

The sneak peek gif:

We see a sinner at the I.M.P office, and it looks like the entire I.M.P crew is going on a mission somewhere where it appears to be snowing and naturally has all of the Christmas decorations up as well.

Although I will admit, it kinda strikes me as weird that they'd just leave a sinner completely alone within the building, unless, of course, that there is someone else within the building, with the most likely candidate for that being Stolas, but that's just a theory I'm spitballing here. It does also raise the question of 'where the hell is Stolas during this scene anyways?'

Onto the other not-so-new things, it was confirmed by Sallie May's VA that she is appearing this episode. (The 'next month' is supposed to be 'this month', I think she said at a panel after the first short that she'd be appearing again before this year ends.)

The trailer scenes:

This scene where Stolas appears to be getting attacked by someone while Blitz protects him with some kind of sword, with the floor appearing to suggest that this takes place outside of formerly Stolas' palace, said attacker has been commonly theorized to either be Andrealphus or Paimon.

We see a frozen over version of formerly Stolas' palace in the background, considering the events of Mastermind it now appears like Andrealphus is defending the palace against whatever it is that he's looking at, not a hostile takeover that we assumed it would be initially.

We see Octavia during this scene, everything about this shot seems to suggest that Octavia is getting a song of her own this episode, with this further getting backed up by Sam Haft's response to "Sam what heartbreaking song did you write this time."

It's also very likely that the conflict between Stolas and Octavia reaches it's boiling point this episode, considering that Octavia says "You never loved mother and you don't love me. You love him!" at some point during the episode.

Finally, in the helluva 2022 trailer, we see a shot of Andrealphus (I think this is a beta design of him or something), standing in front of what looks like formerly Stolas' palace, with a bunch of what looks like ice in the background, placing this shot after Mastermind, meaning that this shot also takes place sometime during Sinsmas, if this scene wasn't scrapped.

[dammit-tazmuir]

@grievingbovine I am always happy to gush about Paul ;w;

Also I feel like... I'm not sure if it's more "codependency isn't always bad" or "codependency is a term we've grown to use too liberally when what should actually be the defining factor isn't the behaviors involved but whether or not those are actually hurting the people involved" or something in between or adjacent to that. It also feels like there might be kinda two definitions people use interchangeably? One being the more medical term and the other a looser thing of like, deeply dependent on each other.

But semantics aside I know what you mean, and yeah.

It is, generally speaking, unhealthy to be SO dependent on a SPECIFIC person that you can't live without them. Cam and Pal post-explosion had a very unique situation, whereas for most cases in real life, it's better to at least like... need SOMEONE, a purpose, a cause, but also be capable of seeking a new one if you lose that, after time to process and grief. A Camilla whose whole life revolved around Palamedes but didn't get him back learning to live again for Nona, as a hypothetical, or Harrow who would not let herself survive alone but can live for God and for Gideon and for Alecto and for the memory of those lost to conceive her and who may find other purposes still. Ofc no one is arguing Harrow is healthy about that, but like, if you CAN'T find an internal sense of worth, a purely external one is still infinitely better and healthier than none!

It feels very silly but a straight up life-changing thing for me as someone who does the same shit was the anime Gurren Lagann throwing around the phrase, "believe in the me who believes in you." Over time it morphed into "believe in the you that I believe in", and ultimately into having genuinely self-assurance, but taking even one or two of those steps is like... YEAH? Yeah! You know? External validation can be so meaningful and powerful, and isn't antithetical to internal by any means. If you can find it in even a handful of different sources, even better. A thing I try to tell people a lot when it comes to mental health too is you don't have to Get Better to get BETTER. It's not "you're unhealthy and must be fixed" or "you're 100% healthy in all ways". Less unhealthy and more functional than you were is amazing and to be celebrated actually!!!

But at the same time?

Ya know, no, I agree, I DON'T think it's a bad thing to need to NOT be ALONE. I understand the importance of being capable of surviving alone, at least long enough to seek new connections. And living for a person or cause is always easier than dying for them ("you could have lived for her, but you didn't know how"...), especially if you're living for their memory after they're gone, but people should try to do it anyway! But to just..... want to be devoted to someone? To thrive on supporting or caring for other people???

That's not what I'd call "toxic codependency", that's humans being a social species. Hell, that's looking at stories and seeing how many supporting characters are vital to helping a hero succeed and deciding "that sounds awesome actually! Not everyone needs to be the hero, I would love to be a supporting character!" Especially when you're not losing sight of your own needs in the process.

Like... Sacrifice and martyr mentality can be horrible destructive things that do more harm than good, but sacrifice is also objectively a major way people show love. Parents doing without a little more to make sure their kids get something nice, someone doing a chore they don't like because they know their partner hates it more, etc. The difference between "my needs aren't important, I'm not important, I'll always prioritize others because I don't take care of myself in general" and "I have weighed the pros and cons and decided that I can handle this and wish to put someone else first in this situation" is not always apparent from the outside but it's an extremely important distinction. There's a difference between being needlessly reckless and hard on yourself versus making a decision to achieve an end you want even though it costs you something.

Cam trying to hide how rough carrying Pal was on her wasn't her being needlessly reckless, it was her being a stubborn bitch who knows she's tough as hell. If anything people have more grounds to criticize her going against Pal's interests and wishes by not giving him information he needed to make properly informed decisions! To think that he was in any way taking advantage of her when she'd have found a way to kick his ass if he'd tried to force her to stop is wild lmao. (Not to mention Pal literally killing himself— he was still Around but objectively dead all the same!— in the "dying for someone is the cruelest thing you could do to them" book. Like he ain't making big sacrifices fueled by his love for and trust in her too smh.)

And honestly? Yeah that does sound like the kind of thing that could save the world. Our world would be a better place with less people striving to be main characters and more people eager to support each other. More people should be saying "No you will let me help you, you son of a bitch. Don't you dare tell me it's Too Much." >:( So many people are afraid of Being A Burden but more people need to understand— from the perspective of the person with that fear and as friends wishing to help someone who has that fear— that only the person offering help can decide what is A Burden to them! It's not the other person's decision to make!

Palamades didn't have a right to tell Camilla not to push herself to keep him around when that was her choice, and anyone fearing their loved ones sacrifice too much for them don't have a right to tell them to love them less, either. Sometimes— often, really— the alternative is worse. And part of me has to wonder if some people are averse to acknowledging that because if they did, then they'd have to acknowledge that letting someone else help you can be actively beneficial to them, and constantly refusing to ask for or accept help is in turn actively depriving them of something that would help them too. <.< Too bad everyone, gotta let people love you.

Locked tomb hot takes:

Insisting that the birth of Paul is only a tragedy because of the uneven power dynamics between Palamedes and Camilla as Necro and Cav invalidates Camillas autonomy and undermines her as a character capable of making her own decisions. It also undermines Palamedes constantly checking for consent. He understands more than most that there is an uneven power dynamic and actively works to respect her autonomy as much as he can while also respecting their bond/positions as necro and cav.

In a world where those who identify as men have no natural power over those who identify as women or neither, we can not apply the same cisheteronormative expectations of male behavior to male characters.

Camilla made every. Single. Choice. Willingly. She had reasons for it, and Palamedes respected that more than readers seem to. We get plenty of examples.

"What would you do if you discovered Camilla was a murderer?”

“Help her bury the body,” said Palamedes promptly.

“Sextus.”

“I mean it. If Camilla wants someone dead,” he said, “then far be it from me to stand in her way. All I can do at that point is watch the bloodshed and look for a mop. One flesh, one end, and all that.”

GtN chapter 30

NtN chapter 17

The relationship between these two may be codependent, but it's predicated on trust and consent. The whole way through. This is the life Cam wants to live. Becoming Paul was what *she wanted*.

I find it strange that some people think they know what's best for her more than she does, just because she's a cavalier.

[thedeskofaltoclef]

How I became The Desk of Alto Clef.

My response to a SCP Group designed around Hate and Bigotry who have targeted me and others in this community.

Nah, man, my daughter is dead.

It has been brought to my attention that there is a group of people on the internet who are fascinated with my fascination of Alto Clef and Meri. Hurtful and yet cute in a way so I think now I'll choose this time and these screen grabs from their discord to explain how I came to be 'The Desk of Alto Clef'.

My Daughter died six years ago and it sent me spiraling deep into the bottom of whatever bottle I could find.

I was completely prepared to take my own life and even had the things to 'finish the job' because my life had no meaning at that point. What was another statistic going to matter anyways, right?

It was in one of these dark, drunk moments with a gun when I fell across the Volgun's video on 'reality benders and you' and fell into a rabbit hole.

Drunkenly I fumbled around the wiki and learned more about this broken man known as Alto Clef.

A man whom I could relate to in my own way. A man who, no matter what he did, could never see his daughter as I will never be able to see mine. So thus, I became a very, very shitty cosplayer.

I like to believe that over the past four years my acting ability has increased to a sustainable level and as much as I joke about things I do try to stay humble about it. Though I like to think I've become better but I digress.

I love the lore of Clef and Meri, on or offsite, to the point that I am weird about it I know, but that's how I stay connected to my daughter. Writing the Deskverse is how I stay connected to my daughter.

I am also autistic which causes me to hyper fixate on Clef as a coping mechanism.

Because of this group of people I have greatly considered leaving the community and going back to my own personal solitude. Acting, Voice Acting, Cosplaying as Clef gave and still gives me something to live for again. I may not be this group's cup of tea but I do like to believe that I have helped others. My main goal has always been to uplift those who need uplifting. I do not want anyone to ever feel how I felt in my lowest and darkest moments.

The main story in the deskverse is about a father and a daughter torn apart by the actions of an abusive mother. My real life story.

I also have ZERO clue as to why I am being involved with misogyny or yuri things. If I have offended you in any way I do apologize.

I do not plan on posting the more 'suggestive' or 'lewd' responses they have made. Overly sexualized content does make me extremely uncomfortable.

This group of people have broken my heart into pieces. Seeing this list of images and names dragging me through the mud has already smashed my unstable self-esteem as it is.

At this time I do not plan on releasing any names associated with all of this because I am honestly tired of reliving the most horrid event of my life over and over because I, for whatever reason, do not fit what this group feels is acceptable of an actor/writer/fan.

I cannot say the same for the others in which they were assaulting.

In summary Alto Clef is an outlet for the pain I live with every day. I can never see, hold, hear, smell, or speak to my daughter. I have scars on my body from her mother that will never allow me to forget that life I had. I will always remember the taste of gunpowder but thankfully my drunk ass was too weak. If your going to be bad at something, be bad at that I suppose.

I will leave all of this with a final image from the copious list and the one that honestly hurts me the most. I am honestly a shy and reserved person and frankly it takes a lot for me to get out of my comfort zone. Not long ago I went to another SCP discord server because I wanted to meet new people and someone in there was awesome. I truly enjoyed my time with this person and just found them amazing. They were kind, open, willing to listen to my ideas, and gushed over Numberonedoggo. I thought I had finally made a new friend on my own. I was apparently wrong.

Art, from some of my favorite artists, was made for the sole reason of mocking me specifically. To laugh at me for finding joy in something that gives me purpose. Something I use to drive away the darkness.

No age, disorder, illness, or reason at all can be acceptable for anyone to act in this way. You are all a mockery of everything the SCP community should stand for.

-TheDesk

[munsonfamilyband]

Slick Sunday post for @lexirosewrites !! I decided to just post it like this since this is probably going to be long. I do promise it has christmas in it but there’s a build up to that. Also very minor TW for child abuse. It’s less than a sentence but still. And also, this is canon up till s4, I don’t really know how different it is, the important thing is that Chrissy lived and Eddie didn’t get eaten as much as he does in canon.

—————

It starts in 1987. It’s late November, Steve has unofficially taken over his house since he hasn’t spoken to his parents in so long he doesn’t even remember. Eddie and Robin are over helping him decorate their tree. They’re all wearing ugly sweaters and pajamas. Steve and Eddie had just started officially courting, while Robin and Chrissy were still dancing around each other. She was in the middle of lamenting her latest failed attempt to ask her out when the front door opens and the Harringtons enter. A fight breaks out pretty quickly and it culminates in a few smashed ornaments, Steve getting slapped, Eddie being literally sat on by Robin to keep him calm, and Steve being told his things needed to be gone by the next day. He’s told that his behavior is not that of a Harrington.

And then they’re gone.

Eddie forces Robin off of him so he can hold Steve, and she goes to call Hopper. He and Steve had been close before Starcourt and since he came back last year they’re reconnected. (Steve calls him dad behind his back, he’s too scared to say it to Hop’s face yet.)

Hop shows up a few minutes later, only to be followed by one very angry Claudia Henderson. She explains that El had called Dustin on the walkie about the phone call she overheard and Claudia left right away.

They both start helping him pack once they know he’s okay and they all go to Hop’s cabin for dinner. While they’re eating Steve casually mentions that he wants to change his name. What he thought would be a casual comment with little fanfare resulted in Claudia baring her teeth at Hop as they argued over who got to bring Steve into their family officially. It would be scarier if Steve wasn’t ready to cry from how loved it makes him feel. He does eventually have to burst their bubble and tell them he wants to be a Buckley. This does get Hop and Claudia to calm down but it also gets Steve tackled off his chair by Robin in a hug.

Fast forward, it’s now the mid 90s. Chrissy and Robin live in the brownstone next to Eddie and Steve in Chicago. Steve and Eddie got married two years ago and earlier that fall they had learned Steve was pregnant. They had so far only told Robin and Chrissy, but that was because Steve was at home while Eddie was at work and he begged Robin to come with him to buy tests. Both Eddie and Steve knew it was time to tell everyone else, since he had just finished the first trimester and with christmas coming up they decided to go with the most cliche announcement possible.

The four of them go back to Hawkins for the holidays. Robin and Chrissy are staying at the Buckley’s and Eddie and Steve are staying at Hop’s cabin.

The first person they tell is Wayne. They have dinner with him for christmas eve and then over dessert exchange presents. Eddie gets a new set of steel toed boots and Steve gets a new coat. Then they hand Wayne his gift and Eddie grabs their camcorder to record his reaction. Inside is a new baseball hat placed upside down with something balled up inside it. Wayne takes the cloth out and flips the hat around, freezing as he reads it, then quickly dropping it and picking up what is now clearly a onesie. In bold letters the onesie says ‘Grandpa’s Fishin’ Buddy’. The hat says ‘Grandpa is my name, Fishing is my game’. Wayne, still gripping the onesie in his hands looks up at them with wet eyes.

“Is this… I’m gonna be a grandpa?”

Eddie can’t stop smiling behind the camera and he turns it slightly to catch Steve as he smiles at Wayne, giving little jazz hands as he says, “surprise.”

Eddie just barely pans back to Wayne to catch him standing up to pull Steve into a hug.

“I’m so happy for you two. Ed, you better put that thing down and get in here.”

———

The next people they tell are the Henderson’s. While Dustin will also be at Hop’s that night, Steve had wanted to be able to see his mom for christmas so for years they had been doing brunch at the Henderson’s before the three guys go to Hop’s and Claudia goes to get some extra hours working at the hospital.

They show up right on time with their gifts and enjoy breakfast before it’s present time. Dustin gets the new Dungeons and Dragons book that had just come out and a new set of dice that looked like the night sky. Steve gets a new cookbook and a scarf. Eddie gets a scarf as well as a new toolbox for work. Then Steve hands over the gift bag to Claudia, but before she opens it he turns to Dustin while Eddie gets the camcorder again.

“Dustin, I need you to promise me, right now, that what you see right now will not be told to anyone today. Got it?”

Dustin rolls his eyes as he responds, “Dude, it’s just a gift-“

“Dustin. Promise me,” Steve interjects.

After they stare at each other for another 30 seconds Dustin gives a dramatic sigh and promises. With that done Steve gives Claudia the okay to open her gift. She takes out the tissue paper and pulls a folded up sweatshirt and a folded canvas bag out. The bag is unfolded first and Claudia gasps, quickly unfolding the sweater and then dropping them both to rush over to hug Steve.

“Oh, I’m so happy for you! My baby!” Claudia is crying as she and Steve hold each other tight, Steve laughing with pure joy. Eddie catches Dustin standing up out of the corner of his eye and refocuses the camera on him, following him as he goes over and picks up the items his mom dropped. The bag says ‘Grandma’s Magic Bag’ and the sweatshirt says ‘World’s Best Grandma’. Dustin stares at them and then he’s shouting.

“You guys are having a pup?!”

Eddie just grins at him over the camera as he asks, “You ready to be Uncle Dustin?” Eddie then barely keeps the camera from breaking as Dustin rushes him in a hug.

———-

Their final present is that evening at Hop’s. Steve is drinking hot cider and curled into Eddie’s side on the couch, Robin right next to him with a hand on his ankle, Chrissy on her other side laughing as Max shares a story about college. Steve looks around the room and sees Dustin already staring at him, practically vibrating in his seat. It’s clear that he’s doing his best to not spill the beans so Steve huffs a laugh and claps to get everyone’s attention.

“Alright, present time?”

The next minute or so is a rush of movement as everyone finds a spot and grabs their gifts, Steve holding tight to his gift for Hop. Eddie had El help him hide the camera earlier so she can turn it on without giving anything away.

Presents are passed around and opened. Max gave Steve a new poster for his classroom, and Robin got him the fancy desk organizer set he had been looking at for months. Mike got Eddie new patches for his work coveralls and Will gave them a beautiful painted version of their wedding photo. (Steve does tear up over it but tries to cover up as best he can, stupid pup hormones).

Then Steve stands and hands Hop his bag, giving El a wink as he walks past her and he sees her squint her eyes for a breath before giving him a wink back. Steve settles back in to Eddie’s side and gives Hop the go ahead. He pulls out what is clearly a mug wrapped in tissue paper with a hat stuffed into it. Hop takes the hat out first and looks at it, his face unreadable, before he sets it down with the words hidden. He quickly takes off the tissue paper and reads the mug. His face is still blank but everyone can see his eyes filling with tears as he makes eye contact with Steve.

Eddie gives Steve a little nudge and that’s all it takes for him to get up and go hug his dad, being wrapped up in his arms as Hop cries. After a beat where it’s still silent Hop speaks, looking over at Eddie. “Years ago, I thought I would never get to be a grandpa.” Steve just hugs him tighter and the room around them erupts as everyone starts screaming. Eddie gets dog piled by the boys, excluding Dustin who has collapsed on the floor from the relief of not having to hide that anymore. Steve feels two people wrap around him from behind and glancing at their arms he sees that it’s El and Max, both hugging him. When everyone has calmed more Steve goes back to sit with Eddie, who can now place his hand on Steve’s stomach. Hop sits down and finally shows everyone his gifts. The mug has a sheriff’s badge and it says ‘Chief Gramps’ and the hat says ‘Professional Grandpop’. Hop puts it on his head that night and refuses to take it off.

———————

Et viola. Also, this is Wayne’s hat because I love it so much:

[heliads]

you're going to have to shut this down - steve rogers

You grew up with Steve Rogers in the 1940s and froze with him until the present day, too. When he leaves you after killing Thanos to return to the '40s, it's the biggest betrayal of your life. If there was a way to ever see him again, it would require the crossing of many timelines, something you'd know nothing about. The TVA might, though.

masterlist

a/n: back from the dead! who would have thought (not me). who can say how long. enjoy xoxo

You join the TVA because you have nothing else to do. It’s not a bad gig, all things considered. It makes about as much sense as life normally does for you, which is to say, not at all. You’re getting better about understanding the splashier technology, the speedier cars, the altered accents. Not everything is going to seem like it’s fresh out of the 1940s, because only you are. It’s been several years since they got you out of the ice. By all accounts, you should have settled in a long time ago.

And you have, honestly. You did a good job of learning fast and moving on. Still, all it takes is one odd word of slang you don’t understand or a reference to a world-altering event that you never heard of to shove you two steps back instead of forward. You never expected it to be easy, trying to live in the new century. You just didn’t think you’d have to do it alone, either.

The Avengers helped. Despite the infighting and the many false retirements and the deaths, that job helped put you together more than anything else. Everyone was strange there, so no one was. Even the person out of time. 

Maybe that’s why the TVA reached out after it was all over– they knew you needed a fresh start. A new team, too, one that didn’t really care about your understanding of any one particular timeline. It was the perfect fit. Why not risk your life for someone else all over again?

It had made sense at the time. After Thanos was defeated, you’d lost your purpose. The Avengers didn’t technically disband, but enough of the original core had been lost to death and retirement and better things. You could sense a new generation rising up to take the mantle, and, not wanting to go through the same cycle of learning new faces just to lose them again, you stepped aside.

Retirement wasn’t good for you. All that time on your own left you twitchy, waiting for something to do, someone to see. You suppose it wouldn’t have been a problem at all if it weren’t for one specific absence, but that’s just the way it goes sometimes. Maybe you should have learned a long time ago to never bet your happiness on Steve Rogers, because when he left, you felt like you’d lost everything.

Even after all this time, you still can’t fathom why he did it, why he left you behind. You had grown up in the 1940s by his side, next door neighbors and family friends. Your parents knew his, and died around the same time his did, too. You’d been inseparable for as long as you could remember. You thought it was the worst pain in your life when he and Bucky went to war, so you followed, taking on a position as a medic in their regiment.

Steve had been absolutely furious that you’d put yourself into harm’s way like that, but you didn’t care. Everything was good so long as you were still together, and for a while, it was. Sure, it took you a while to remember how to act normally after he underwent his Captain America transformation, but he was still Steve, your Steve. And that was okay.

You were almost starting to believe in fantasies that you’d be able to make it back to Brooklyn one day, and then the cards stopped falling in your favor. First, you were sent to hunt down Zola, which was doomed from the start. You’d lost Bucky from the side of the train, which was the beginning of the end. Steve was spiraling and you knew it. It should have come as no surprise that he’d plunge himself into whatever danger he could find to try and keep his mind off the loss. It should have come as no surprise that you’d go with him.

However, neither of you expected to find yourselves on a plane headed into the ocean. It felt fitting somehow, dying with Steve. Bucky was gone anyway. You might as well join him. It was cold enough that you didn’t feel the water entering your lungs. You knew Steve’s hand was in yours even after you lost the sensation in your fingers. You felt him with you even after you closed your eyes for the final time.

Only, it wasn’t the final time. You woke up after what seemed like a matter of hours and ended up being several decades. The new century was full of trouble, but you and Steve were determined to run headfirst into it. You can still remember listening to the new music with him, quizzing each other on current events, doing everything under the sun together in the name of embracing modernity.

Even if it felt wrong to be so suddenly transplanted out of your normal world and into this bright, fast-paced future, some part of you was glad for it. You’ve had a secret crush on Steve since you were ten years old and starry-eyed for the boy next door. What did you lose by leaving the 1940s, anyway– sickness, the war, significantly worse water quality? Steve needed you here more than he ever needed you there. There was so much more in this modern world that would bring the two of you together, and you were delighted for it.

You were delighted, that is. You had assumed that Steve was, too. He certainly seemed like it, always down to visit a new museum or take a trip out of the city. He’d been happy with you. You were certain about it.

Yet, years after you first woke up together in a strange new world, he traveled back in time to return the Infinity Stones and came back as an old man who had already lived his life back in the 1940s. You weren’t there when it happened. Steve had actually sent you away, back to New York, so you could monitor the sites where the transfer of the Stones would take place to see if anything went wrong in the future. You’ll always wonder if he did that on purpose, to make sure you didn’t come with him, or if he really was worried about something as mundane as the Stones after all.

In the end, you’ll never know. Steve never told you about his plan to go back. You’re certain that Bucky was aware of it, even if he denies it. You saw the look on his face when Bucky returned from the job alone and told you that Steve had made his choice. He wasn’t surprised or shocked like you. He was sad, but accepting, because he already knew.

It was the worst betrayal of your life. You told Steve everything except the fact that you love him, and he left without telling you a single goodbye. Somehow, somewhere along the line you had walked together all your lives, Steve decided that he would rather live and die in the past without you than face the future you’d been building since they took you out of the ice. You’ve tried to remember moments in which he wasn’t happy, when you could have seen the signs and known that Steve was going to leave, but you can’t. Steve never seemed to have a problem with the modern world until he left it. It makes no sense, and so the awful mystery consumes you whole.

It would be one thing to retire from the Avengers with Steve by your side, just like always. Now, though, you’re losing not just your main activity but the last vestige of your heart. Bucky is your friend, close to family, but he’s not Steve and never will be. You’ve tried to spend time with him, but every time you see Bucky, you’re haunted by a third presence that should be there yet isn’t. You haven’t talked in a while. It’s probably better that way, anyway.

Luckily, you weren’t left to your own devices forever. One lonely morning, an orange panel of light opened up in front of you, and out of it stepped Loki, who, according to Thor, should have died when Thanos visited. He’d explained briefly how he was still alive, but focused more on offering you a chance to work with the TVA. Without anything better to do but sit around and mope, you’d agreed.

You and Loki have gotten along well for the most part, surprisingly enough. Barring the part where he’d tried to invade New York, you’ve come in contact with him through Thor several times and gotten along through a shared sarcastic sense of humor and biting wit. You’re probably one of the Avengers Loki tolerates the most, a title you bear with no small semblance of pride. Loki had needed someone to advise him on a variant, and he’d gone to you.

It’s a good job for someone out of time. The timelines all converge and diverge in mysterious ways, so who could truly say what’s current or out-of-date? You help Loki and the other TVA officers in maintaining the timeline. Slowly, you settle in, and you stop thinking about going back to your usual timeline. Why bother, anyway? There’s nothing left for you there. Bucky has moved on. Steve is gone. Your family passed on decades ago, and your friends in the Avengers are dead or busy. It’s not a place for you anymore.

Honestly, it’s decent work, all things considered, until you hear about an errant variant totally destroying not just his universe but every one to cross his path. Loki comes bursting into the main office, which isn’t exactly an uncommon occurrence, but the look in his eyes certainly isn’t. Apparently, there’s some guy who left his universe and started jumping around in many others. He’d stayed in his first place for many years, but made so many major changes that the timeline was all but destroyed. Once this variant took note of the fires he couldn’t put out, he started jumping into other places, doing the same thing in less time.

He’s someone who’ll have to be stopped, to say the least. It’s certainly a cause for concern, but that doesn’t explain the cagey expression on Loki’s face. There’s something he isn’t telling you, to be sure, something big. Something that might make you rethink this assignment entirely.

“Loki,” you say slowly, once the god of mischief has calmed down enough to go from frenetic pacing to merely glaring at the small hologram of Miss Minutes across the room, “What’s really going on here? Who exactly is this variant?”

Loki hesitates, and you know what he’s going to say before he even opens his mouth. This variant isn’t just anyone, is it? No, of course not. That would be too easy, and if you’ve learned anything in your voyages across the timelines, it’s that nothing in any universe is ever easy.

The variant destroying the worlds– it’s Steve. And it’s your Steve specifically, the one who’d decided to leave you to go back in time. It’s the precise version of Steve Rogers from your universe who had abandoned all you’d built to go back and live to old age in the 1940s.

You suck in a harsh breath. “That’s impossible. Steve would never do a thing like that. He saves the universe, he doesn’t destroy it.”

Loki laughs bitterly. “Think again, Y/N. It’s him.”

You shake your head unthinkingly, but as little as you want to even contemplate the idea, you can’t deny that it might be likely. Steve already upset the laws of the multiverse when he went to live his life in the 1940s. Who’s to say what else he might do?

You stand up and join Loki in his pacing. “Don’t go through the usual steps. Bring him here.”

Loki starts to protest, but you silence him with a glance. “Think of it as a favor. You owe me, you know that. I won’t kill him, not yet. Not until I know what’s going on.”

One desk over, Mobius holds up his hands. “Wait, wait. Maybe this Steve is a friend of yours, but he’s still a dangerous variant who is quite literally destroying the fabric of time with every jump he makes. Are you sure that bringing him into the TVA is the best idea?”

You lift a shoulder. “Do you have any other ideas of where to put him?”

Mobius sighs. “No, but I don’t like this.”

“You don’t have to like this,” you tell him, “but I need to talk to Steve. Please.”

You look over at Loki hopefully, and feel a crush of relief when you see him caving. “Fine, but the second Rogers tries anything, we’re all over him. We can’t risk the multiverse for one melodramatic walking flag.”

You chuckle in spite of yourself. It’s not a happy sound. “Just let me see what I can do.”

You have no idea what you’ll do with your errant Steve once he gets here. Before that, though, you’re going to have to solve the problem of bringing him here in the first place. If what Loki says is true, Steve is not going to come quietly.

You’re still having trouble wrapping your mind around the whole concept. Steve– your Steve– destroying timelines? Rampaging through the multiverse? It doesn’t even compute in your mind. After all you’ve seen of him, through every decade, in every incarnation, every uniform, he has still been himself at the core. Even when he just came out of the ice. Even when he lost Bucky after Thanos’ snap. Even when you lost the biggest battle of your lives.

Something must have happened to him when he was going back in time, that’s all you can imagine. It’s certainly a better thing to tell yourself, it makes you believe that there was a reason outside his control that he would have left you in the dust. Yes, this must be the fault of traveling through time, and not the simple fact that Steve didn’t want you anymore.

You suit up with the rest, ready to head out and collect your errant Captain. You deliberate over the helmet when Mobius advises you to hide your face in any way possible. He’s had many bad dealings with variants over the years, he claims. No one knows what Steve would do if he saw you.

Face obscured, you walk through a Timedoor to the latest universe Steve has attempted to conquer. It doesn’t take long to find a disturbance; you’ve hardly stepped through the orange portal before you’re greeted with the sound of screaming, the smell of smoke. Buildings are burning. It’s like the world is on fire, and all you can think about is that somehow, Steve caused this.

“We have to move fast,” Mobius urges. “The timeline is unraveling by the second. Find the variant and drag him through a Timedoor as fast as you can.”

You nod your assent and start moving. The easiest thing to do is to head towards the center of the chaos, and so you do, the other TVA agents not far behind you. The smoke gets thicker, all culminating around one building in the center of the city. With a chill, you realize it’s what should be the old Avengers complex, but the letters on the outside still read Stark Tower. This universe might not have gotten the chance to ever get its Avengers, so there is no one to fight off a corrupted Rogers except the TVA, too little and too late.

“I see him,” Loki shouts suddenly, pointing towards a figure moving through the rubble. “Amazing, his hair shines even in a bonfire.”

You don’t have it in you to laugh, but surge forward recklessly. You have to see, you have to know, is it him? Could it be? As you draw closer, you’re certain that you see him, that Steve is here after all this time. A lump rises in your throat utterly unrelated to the pollutants clogging the air. You’ve missed him for so long, and now he’s right in front of you.

Mobius flings out an arm, stopping you short. “Wait,” he says. “He’s a variant, Y/N. Remember that.”

You come thundering back to reality at his words. When you look again, Steve isn’t standing there harmlessly, but holding an unconscious figure in his arms, the head thudding lifelessly against his bicep. This is the real Steve right now, someone you could never recognize.

Two of the TVA agents hurry forward, attempting to cuff him, but Steve brushes them aside easily, even after Loki and Mobius try to enter the fray. Suddenly, the situation looks like you’ll lose it for good, until a wild, terrible idea occurs to you and you shout out to him, “Steve!”

Instantly, Steve’s whole body goes rigid, and he starts scanning the area frantically. “Y/N?” He calls out.

He sounds like a madman, that’s the first thought that rises to your mind. His eyes are wide, his syllables unsettled. You rip off your helmet and Steve turns to you as if he’s seen a ghost.

“Y/N?” He repeats again, this time far more quietly, the words all but disappearing on the smoke-burnt wind.

Steve starts to reach out a grimy hand to you, but one of the TVA agents surges up behind him, jamming a syringe in his neck and knocking him out cold. Cuffs are tightened around his wrists moments later, and Mobius conjures up the requisite Timedoor straight to a holding cell back in the TVA. Everyone starts filing away, but takes you a few more moments to gather yourself together long enough to follow them.

Once back in the halls of the TVA, lights buzzing cheerfully overhead, Loki turns to you at last. “The move with the helmet was risky,” he chastises.

You can’t focus on the rebuke. “He knew me,” you whisper. “He knew me, and he stopped fighting.”

Loki’s lips thin. “That’s not Steve,” he says. “Not the one you know, at least.”

You steal a glance towards the locked door of the cell anyway. “I have to talk to him.”

Loki’s expression shifts from frustrated to simply tired. “I know.”

Still, you’re not blind to the wishes of the TVA, and you let Mobius go in to talk to Steve first. You decide it’s probably best if you’re not the first face he sees, and if you’re not going, Loki would be an even worse choice, so it’s Mobius alone in there with a few guards for security. He barely makes it ten minutes before he comes storming out again, though, obviously frustrated.

You could hear shouting outside the cell and down the hall, but still, you’re curious enough to ask Mobius, “What happened in there?”

Mobius drags an irritated hand through his hair. “Your little hero isn’t really the talking type.”

You frown. “That’s unlike him.”

“All of this is unlike him,” Loki intercedes. “You really couldn’t get through to him, Mobius? That’s startling. Surely there’s some sort of homegrown charm you could pull on him to twist his mind in your favor.”

“That’s just called manners,” Mobius frowns, “but no, I tried. He refuses to talk to anyone but Y/N.”

Loki swings around to stare at you curiously. “Fascinating. He left you and now he won’t even indulge in a friendly conversation with the authorities. What sort of Captain Rogers is this?”

You roll your eyes to hide your growing discomfort. “Forget that. Are we going to give in so fast? Don’t tell me you’re the type to give up on interrogating a suspect after less than half an hour.”

Mobius shrugs. “We might as well let you in. Might learn something, he doesn’t seem inclined to give us anything else otherwise. Why waste more time?”

You might argue a little harder were it not for the fact that you’ve been dying to see Steve since he got here. Before that, really. You’ve been wanting to talk to him since he left you in the first place. Maybe it’s not the best strategy for dealing with a variant, but in your heart, he’s still Steve, and always will be.

Steve’s head is down when you enter the cell, but it flies up the second you take a seat opposite him. He’s sitting down, hands cuffed behind him, but you have no doubt that he could free himself in a heartbeat if he tried.

Still, he isn’t trying. He’s just looking at you, eyes wide, mouth a little agape, as if he really can’t believe it’s you even after demanding to meet. “Y/N?” He asks quietly.

You nod. “Steve.”

Your voice seems harsh in the hollow stillness of the TVA cell. Steve doesn’t flinch, but he might as well; his eyes gain a thin veneer of hurt you’ve known since the forties. 

“You’re not my Y/N, though,” he decides. “You know, I never really believed in the whole multiverse thing. Strange tried to explain it to me after Thanos, but I just thought it was a bunch of crap. No way there were a million versions of us. But I’ve met enough of you and me to know otherwise now.”

Your heart feels heavy in your chest. “You’re referring to all of the universes you hijacked.”

“Hijacked,” Steve muses. “That’s a strong word.”

You fold your arms across your chest. “You entered universes that were not your own and caused chains of events that led to destruction of that world, every single time.”

It horrified you, looking at the footage. Every single universe was the same:  heroes gone or killed, skies full of smoke, thousands of dead. Everywhere Steve went, chaos followed him. It felt impossible, but it was true. Shockingly, awfully, it was true.

Steve’s eyes go dark. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“But it still happened,” you point out. “And you saw it happen but you kept going in more universes anyway. Why? Why didn’t you stop?”

Anger sparks in Steve like a match to gasoline. “I wasn’t trying to tear the universes apart, I was just trying to go back home,” he spits. “I couldn’t find the way back. I didn’t realize how delicate the multiverse was. Maybe that means you guys are bad at your job if a few detours can send the whole thing spiraling.”

The jab doesn’t even land, you’re too distracted by what he said before it. “You– you were trying to go back? Back where?”

A thundercloud of emotion passes over Steve’s face. “Back to the present,” he says softly.

He looks like he wants to keep talking, but he glances sharply back at you again and cuts himself off. “What does it matter to you, anyway? You’re just another version of you. What universe are you from, anyway? One where you leave instead of me?”

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that,” you whisper. “You have no idea who I am, Steve.”

He laughs bitterly and shakes his head. “No. No, I know you’re not my Y/N. My Y/N never would have agreed to go in the same room as me.” 

He straightens up suddenly. “Say– you’ve seen all the endings of the timeline, right? Is there any– are there any universes where you forgive me? Where I’m able to go back?”

Your breath feels faint in your chest. “You want to know if you ever go back to the present?”

He nods. “Surely I could do it at least once. Don’t tell me it never happens. And if I do, don’t say you hate me for leaving.”

His face, suddenly pleading, makes you almost sick to your stomach. “I don’t know,” you whisper. “I never looked. I was too afraid that you would have left me for nothing.”

Steve draws back suddenly, looking at you with a fresh wave of curiosity. “You mean– Y/N. You’re the one I left? How did you get here?”

You nod. “I was lonely after you disappeared. I needed something to do. But Steve– I thought you would stay in the forties. Why would you ever go in the first place if you were just going to leave again?”

Steve looks stricken. “I thought I would like it better back then. I wanted to go home, but Y/N, I was wrong. The forties weren't home, you were. I realized it after a few months. Nothing felt right without you. I tried to go to our present day again, but it had been too long since I jumped and I couldn’t figure it out. I tried finding Strange, but of course he hadn’t been born yet, and I was sent into another universe instead of ours.”

You shake your head slowly. “I don’t understand. If you were trying to get back, why destroy all those universes?”

“I wasn’t trying to destroy them,” Steve says lowly, “I was trying to get you back. Only– you’re pivotal to all of this, and you don’t even get it. If the Avengers formed without us, they wouldn’t make the decisions needed to stop the Chitauri, or save the world from Thanos, or anything.”

You comprehend it all at last. “You weren’t destroying the multiverse, you were meddling with the timeline. Of course. The TVA always insisted on the danger of even the smallest variant. I get it now.”

“I made a mistake by leaving, Y/N,” Steve tells you. “I’m trying to make it right. Will you let me?”

And, looking at him in the low fluorescent lights of the TVA, you ask yourself if there’s still a place in your heart for the man you’ve known all your life. It’s been a long time since you saw him. It’ll be longer still before you forgive him for leaving in the first place. However, there’s not many people like you in this world or the next. You have Steve back at last. How could anyone not take a chance like that?

marvel tag list: @mayfieldss, @blondsauduun, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv, @callsign-scully, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @eclliipsed, @23victoria, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @gods-fools-heroes, @w1shes43, @deafsuperhero, @fadedver, @alex-1967s-blog, @crazyhearttragedy, @faerieroyal

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[mixingandmelting]

Winter Series Day 6: Teenage Crush

Summary: how he's in love with you featuring the original Robin trio

A/N: was i emotional when i wrote this? yes, no thanks to remembering jason was the sweetest and cheerful robin at the height of 4' 6" in-canon

Robin!Dick:

Daredevil, gremlin child, and the nightmare of all of Gotham’s villains was what Robin!Dick was known for. But at the end of the day, he’s just a boy that’s completely gone for you. He can’t and doesn’t let you catch a break as he constantly pokes you from starting the silliest arguments to putting on a show of his routines he used to do back in his family’s circus. Not once does he approach you like a normal person. One day he’d be creeping silently behind you, suddenly asking what you’re doing right into your ear while peering over your shoulder. The next, he would simply stand in front of you and wait for you to notice. He pouts when it seems like it’s taking you too long, though he does appreciate getting the time to engrave your form and the other expressions you make when he’s not annoying you. All of this, he does constantly, almost every other day in fact, because in his mind and heart, you are the best thing to ever enter and be in his life. It amplifies his haughtiness, silliness, goofiness, and sass as he does everything in hopes that he could strike a chance with you. So when he comes back from a long mission and you express any indiction of concern and how you missed him, his smile stretches from ear to ear, his heart fluttering from how you care for him. Of course he would probe to hear more, his desire of wanting to hear your thoughts on him but he still manages to stop himself from overdoing it. During the times when you pull an uno-reverse card on him unexpectedly, he gets extremely flustered and flushed from his “impress to woo the other person over” backfiring big time and instead, he’s falling for you all over again.

Robin!Jason:

Despite his height, he’s considered the cheerful and bright one as he steals the hearts of the Titans after a single mission, and makes Batman of all people laugh. Have you in the room and  he lights the whole place from how much he glows. Before heading to you, he sniffs his uniform to make sure it doesn’t smell like cigarettes. If it has the faintest scent of it, he goes back to the cave to change into a new one, doing so even more after learning how second-hand smoking can cause cancer. At some point he gets fed up with sniffing and changing so many times, he starts going through all the tricks to quit smoking even faster. Time to time, he brings something small, making excuses including the classic “saved an old lady crossing the road” on his way as a rose gets placed into your hands. He’s notably chattier and laughing more around you, enjoying whatever the two of you talk about even if it’s mundane and boring. He can’t help it when your passion, laughter, excitement, and smiles are infectious. His love for you is so pure that he’d be satisfied with simply being by your side, his one wish being that he can bring you as much happiness as you do for him. Time to time when you get a burger combo meal, seemingly to believe that’s his favorite based on the one time he mentioned about his memory with it whether it’s to welcome him back from a long while or randomly he gets fuzzy, warm, and the heart palpitations while he shares the meal with you. You make him feel that his life is complete, that he won the whole world which motivates him to become a better person, a “good guy” as they all say, so he can stay with you even if he ends up not being your end game.

Robin!Tim:

He’s known as the smart one as well as the one that sacrificed his chance of normal for the sake of saving Batman and currently, Gotham. You were never part of his plan as he already envisioned how his life as Batman's sidekick would look like but here he is, completely smitten for you as he figures out ahead how to approach you when he catches you hanging out. Image training, standing in front of the mirror and going through his lines and poses until Alfred caught him doing it once. Now he does it after locking his door, double, triple checking he was going to get his little gig right so he can look cool when he appears in front of you. Take the “yapper and listener” meme. That’s his relationship with you where he’s serenaded by your voice and won’t ever get sick of listening to it. If you were to express anything you need or want, he gets it and leaves it where he was standing or sitting with a small note attached. He’s also guilty of abusing his alternative identities and disguises so he could extend his time with you even outside of being Robin. Not that you would ever know as he has no intentions any time soon to out himself. There’s no other reason for him being this extra other than that you are the one that gives him the comfort and relief he needs. You are his solace that makes his self doubt disappear and everything he has done worth it. So when you do any skin ship including the scandalous hand holding, he’s equivalent to the red on his suit and mute from how conscious he gets from feeling you extremely close to him. Also gets him to forget to breathe but that’s not the issue here.

[donttakemehome]

I like thinking about little Wen Yuan waking up at Cloud Recesses. He doesn't remember anything. He knows he doesn't belong there, and he knows he's away from his family, but there's Hanguang-jun, who is big and strong and quiet, like a beautiful lake. When he talks to a-Yuan his voice is soft and calm and he's always willing to pick a-Yuan up and hold him in his strong, steady arms. A-Yuan gets pretty new robes and a neverending supply of food. Hanguang-jun gets very hurt one day, or sick; after that, for a long time, he doesn't come out of his house, but a-Yuan still gets to visit him every evening. He calls him gege sometimes, and once, accidentally, baba, but it only makes Hanguang-jun smile.

A-Yuan does it again the next evening, pretending it just comes out of his mouth without meaning to, because it keeps making Hanguang-jun smile.

In the mornings, a-Yuan goes to class with a lot of other children his age. He learns about cultivation, which will make him grow strong and healthy if he works hard at it. He likes that. He wants to be as big as Hanguang-jun. He also learns about the rules. Teacher explains new rules every day. A-Yuan likes that, too. He wants to be a good boy, and the rules tell him exactly how.

One day he fights with a-Yi during play time, though, and suddenly he feels so many feelings he can barely tell what his hands are doing; then everything is quiet and a-Yi is lying on the floor, staring, and there are big ugly scratch marks down the left side of his face, with bright red blood flowing horribly out of them. A-Yuan did that. He was bad, he was awful, and he hurt a-Yi. He's told he doesn't get to see Hanguang-jun tonight, as punishment. He doesn't deserve to hear Hanguang-jun's beautiful voice anymore. He cries until his face hurts, thinking how Hanguang-jun will be disappointed in him. How he ruined everything.

The next morning, he's woken up before dawn by Hanguang-jun himself, who is standing and walking and everything, although the effort makes his face even whiter than ususl. Hanguang-jun picks a-Yuan up and holds him like he'll never let him go and takes him straight to Sect Leader's house, and a-Yuan would be scared but he's too confused.

Sect Leader looks shocked to see them. "Wangji, why are you out -- you shouldn't even be out of bed, look at your back -- at least put the child down."

"The child," Hanguang-jun says, "comes to see me every day. I took my punishment. That was the deal." A-Yuan can tell that he's furious. Madly, dangerously furious. Furious enough to make even Sect Leader subdued.

Sect Leader calls for some people to call for some other people. Finally, one of the teachers appears, looking incongruously shaken. She glances at Hanguang-jun while quietly explaining to Sect Leader how shamefully bad a-Yuan was, how he earned his punishment. A-Yuan cringes. He expects Hanguang-jun to look at a-Yuan with disappointment, with shock. Instead, Hanguang-jun holds a-Yuan even tighter.

Some things are said that a-Yuan doesn't understand. Finally, Sect Leader tells Teacher not to do anything like that ever again without consulting him.

When a-Yuan is outside alone with Hanguang-jun, he bursts into tears. "A-Yuan didn't mean to hurt a-Yi," he says.

Hanguang-jun, magically calm now, crouches to look a-Yuan in the face. "I did not think so," he says. "He is your good friend, is he not? Did you apologize to him?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

A-Yuan scrunches his face hard, thinking back all the way to yesterday. "He... he said a-Yuan shouldn't cry? And he said he hopes he gets cool scars like the older boys get from nighthunting. And he said there are baby bunnies in the West Hill."

For some reason, that makes Hanguang-jun almost smile. "Good," he says, like that's an end to it.

A-Yuan is more confused than ever. "But a-Yuan was bad!" he says. "I... I broke the rules. I'm a bad boy. Teacher said."

"Teacher was wrong," Hanguang-jun says. A shocking statement, but Hanguang-jun's voice leaves no room for argument. "A-Yuan is a boy who is trying to be good, yes?"

A-Yuan nods.

"It is not easy, sometimes."

A-Yuan looks down at his shoes.

"But it will become easier and easier, a-Yuan," Hanguang-jun says. "You will learn, in time, not to let violent emotions overcome you in the moment. And then you will be governed by your kind heart and your clear mind. I think a-Yuan might even manage to follow the rules and be good."

A-Yuan doesn't completely understand. Isn't following the rules the definition of being good? But he is lightheaded with relief. Hanguang-jun is not angry, or disappointed. He still wants to see a-Yuan every day. And he talks like being good is... is something you learn. Something you improve at by practicing. A-Yuan likes that. It feels fair, when you can get something by working for it.

The sunrise shines on them as Hanguang-jun takes a-Yuan by the hand and takes him to school, where a-Yuan's friends are waiting for him, and a-Yuan will learn how to be good and wise, and cultivate his qi, and fly on a sword. There are tiny sea-blue flowers blooming in the beautiful garden outside Sect Leader's house, and there will be big, delicious bowls of rice for lunch.

[valesyn]

Yeah I really agree with you. Steve and Peggy were sweet in the first avenger— I did really like their dynamic.

HOWEVER.

She built a life without him. He found a life without her. Of course losing one another was incredibly painful, I’m not disregarding that. If they had seen each other, just to give Peggy and Steve peace back in history or whatever that’s fine. But the whole staying back in time A) doesn’t make sense with what they established with time travel (creates branch line? But then. Yk. He just poofs there with them back in the real one. Not to mention with whatever the heck they’re doing now with the getting rid of the branch lines).

But B) it really does eliminate… like all that Steve is? And I get the argument of “it’s his character growth to learn to get something for himself”…. But I don’t think we’re really taking into account that this is kinda a drastic, world changing thing for him to just flippantly decide. (And imho, the whole thing just doesn’t follow with his character. Because to me it did feel flippant.)

Which is funny, cause I was okay with Steve going back in time when I originally watched it, but then when he came back old I was just… confused? Cause again, like @sunkissedliterarylightofchrist said, it’s already been shown he’s basically immortal. And we also know she had kids so, now he had kids? Which then we have serum children running around? Unless we’re saying he got rid of the serum some how which is a whole nother can of worms.

But yeah. Imo, if they wanted Steve and Peggy to interact one last time (since they were hinting and putting that in place throughout the movie), have him go back for his dance. Have them talk, have Steve assure Peggy that he’s okay, that she can move on. Let her live her life— (with Daniel Sousa. I’m still angry they canceled her show.) but yeah this could’ve been done before the final fight and all. Then hey, for those that wanted Steve to have “character development” and do something for himself— that was it.

And then with Evan’s contract ending, as sunkissed said, have it be his death protecting Bucky/sam.

Also. Like yall why didn’t Steve and Bucky get to interact like at all (if my memory serves correctly?) . Like I remember the weird end goodbye or whatever but like seriously. They grew up together— they’re best friends and with each other *til the end of the line*. We should’ve seen the end of the line, instead of old man Steve.

Anyway this was far to long a ramble for marvel which I now very rarely watch hahaha. I’m not up to date on any of the new stuff. Honestly the only characters left I care about are Bucky and Sam and I did watch Falcon and winter soldier, so like if there’s other things I missed with them in it, lmk.

Send me your biggest unpopular opinions. Can be about any fandom (I might not know what you're talking about but whatever) or anything in life. Anon or not, I wanna know

[horny-deepspace]

PLEASURE

synopsis: The walls of the bedroom echo with the click of handcuffs being fastened, followed by silence… warnings: light bdsm, dom/sub wc: 2,2k

Chapter 1.

He will never refuse to crush your foundations and suppress your moral principles; squeeze your will into a fist and command it as he pleases - without any effort.

It is impossible to resist his magnetic, sexually arousing timbre of voice. Outwardly, he remains invariably serene, with flawless facial features. It is hard to believe that he is real, only his sarfir-red eyes make him alive.

You appear, prove your - correct point of view, read moralizing lectures. This is more like expressive attacks on your part, and from him - complete calm. He does not raise his voice. He expresses himself in a suggestible and convincing way, forcing you to surrender in the end. It is unclear how he manages to influence others. There is a high probability that the reason is Evol deadly force. You need to try to find him a worthy opponent. The head of Onychinus is respected and feared - according to the timeless classic.

He takes verbal attacks for irony, considering your past professional activity. Six months ago, he bought you out of the brothel. Since then, he has become your only Master. In fact, life has changed significantly, because everything is learned in comparison. With him, you do not need to be afraid of unfamiliar clients, guess what is on their minds. Sylus immediately made it clear what he expects from you. He told you about his preferences.

Nothing that happened between you was a revelation. You came across different clients ready to order exotic services for an additional fee.

The thread of trust with Sylus grew stronger day by day. Over time, you began to look forward to intimacy with him more and more often, while feeling even more completely safe. You know: he will cover you, will not let anyone hurt you. Even if it is about retribution, the price he paid for you, and his protection is just a pretense.

The bathroom door opens, releasing hot clouds of steam. You close your eyes. In advance, you mentally outline the silhouette of a strong, male body, with transparent droplets of water flowing down the muscles.

Any discussions are left far behind when unbridled passion flares up between you. So strong that nothing and no one can stop you. You are powerless against each other. It is akin to addiction. You are completely different, but the craving is irresistible - is it only on a physical level?

Or is it not just that?

When he is away for too long, you begin to yearn. Almost howl from helplessness and the desire to run wherever your eyes look, just to calm your heart again. Self-hypnosis almost never works: neither promises to break up with him, that their new meeting is definitely now the last; not confessions that you bite your fist until it marks, holding back desperate moans through the pain.

You need him.

Needed. More than air.

Life without it has long ceased to seem significant…

It is dusk outside. The weather in Zone N109 is consistently gloomy. The path for travelers is illuminated by a bloody moon, high in the sky in a fog of clouds, through which the warm rays caressing the skin do not penetrate.

Once a bustling technology center, this is now, after the catastrophe that occurred, one of the most dangerous areas. Surrounded by other forbidden zones, this "island" has turned into a lawless land where danger and opportunity coexist. The Zone is rife with violence and crime. Due to illegal trade and dangerous research, many of its activities are associated with protocors and Wanderers.

But everything seems very far away when you are in his arms.

He approaches you from behind, barely touching, drawing abstract patterns along your spine until he reaches your lower back. You want to step back, press yourself against his chest and stand there until dawn, which will not come. Today you don’t really want to swear, because it’s a useless exercise. The worst thing is to try to remake a person to your own rules, to deprive him of his own “I”.

- You won.

- I know, - he only says in a whisper. There is no mockery in his intonation.

Long fingers, exciting the imagination, climb under the unbuttoned shirt, under which you are wearing only panties and a leather harness on your chest. You like to wear men's shirts, sweaters and accessories: to remember his warmth, the smell of perfume. At least this way you can not part, keeping the memories.

With a slight movement, Sylus turns you to face him. You slip your finger under the belt of the towel, hinting at an extra piece of clothing, to which Sylus raises an eyebrow questioningly. Finally, his lips twist into a smug grin. There is no need to rush, you have the whole night at your disposal, except for those days when the man is present at important meetings and negotiations.

Humility will pay off in full.

The costs of the profession do not disappear without a trace. In the brothel, the owner expected productive work from the prostitutes: the more clients, the more income. The slaves themselves received just enough to keep from starving to death.

You are incredibly lucky to be freed, when hundreds of the same weak-willed slaves are still languishing in the brothel. Asking for a big favor is a thankless task. You have already received everything: the best lover who can provide for your life exactly until the end of the term of need. If he wants, it seems that he has the power to close the brothel, only in place of one establishment another will appear. This is an endless struggle between evil and evil.

Those same fingers that you can’t stop dreaming about, grasp your thin wrist with traces of abrasions and bruises that have not yet disappeared.

- Put it behind your back.

Your breath catches from the realization of what will happen next. Sylus goes to the chest of drawers with clothes. The top drawer contains his special toys. The cold metal of the handcuffs gleams in the dim light of the lamps. Breathe, just breathe. You obediently move your hands back and clasp them in a lock. The tall, blond figure walks past you, then stops behind you, out of sight.

The click of cuffs echoes off the bedroom walls, and then there's silence. Sylus walks around you, coming back to face you. His dark lashes flutter. Without realizing it, you're staring at him, taking in every inch of him: the smooth curves of his brows, the thick lashes, the neat nose, the sensual lips.

The man's gaze lifts, and his eyebrows rise, giving him an innocent look. A minute passes, maybe two. It's hard to tell. Reality swirls around you as you fall into his eyes. Your thoughts are naked. You have no intention of hiding your desires.

You watch with agonizing anticipation as he takes the metal chain attached to your choker at the other end and threads the carabiner through the ring on his collar, symbolizing a single bond.

Sylus advances on you until he collides with the wall. Your shoulders shake. Your heart starts pounding, but you don't panic. Thanks to his mercy, you're probably still alive. With that - the past lifestyle, girls don't grow old, especially in Zone N109.

This debt is indefinite. Never to be repaid.

- Sweetheart, if you don't want to...

- I remembered the past at the wrong time, - you brush away the rapidly running tears on your cheeks. - I owe you all...

He puts a finger to your lips, urging you to shut up, to which you nod in agreement and throw your leg over his waist. There should be no reason for sadness today or tomorrow. With ease, the man grabs you by the armpits and lifts you off the ground, allowing you to wrap both legs around him, because there is nothing else to hold on to.

Sylus is your support. A gift from fate.

- Forgive me.

This time he silences you with a kiss, punishing you by pressing your lips together and depriving you of the rest of your air. His hand pulls the chain down, bringing your chest closer to his.

- Think of us.

Sylus's deep, low voice makes you smile tenderly. His rough tongue licks the salty tracks of tears. You will only cry from the highest degree of pleasure, because he swore: "I'll be damned if I don't get my way."

[endlessburningdarkness]

**I headcanon their relationship falls apart anyway, even without a reveal, bc there's only so long Shen Yuan can lie to himself and put up with terrible sex and LBHs manchild behaviour. I imagine he logs out at some point and returns to his real life.**

Can you develop more this, please? =)

Through most of the story, Shen Yuan is going from one crisis to another. He doesn't have time to sit down and think and be honest with himself. After the story ends, and he has to think beyond just surviving I imagine he will eventually realize he wants more than a relationship built on a lie, and terrible sex and the life of a cultivator.

I imagine he'll crave modern things more and more, not to mention, finally remembering his family and the life he left behind, the life he could've had, where he doesn't have to get his arse ripped open bc the protagonist will cry and destroy the world if he doesn't feel sufficiently "loved". Isn't it telling that both LBH and SY's idea of love requires sex, which one of them doesn't enjoy?

I also imagine he won't be able to deny how manipulative and coercive LBH is, and LBHs appeal as a character (and he does still consider LBH a character even in the end, its why he insists on bottoming, bc the stallion protagonist couldn't possibly take it up the arse) will dwindle and fade away.

It's like how you like badboys in fiction, but if you really had to deal with one irl day in and day out for years on end, you'd say fuck it and pack your bags. If the story book world is now real, that means real human emotions and realistic reactions to things, and I can't see Shen Yuan, realistically, wanting to stay.

So he would find an out, either by killing himself or just logging out and going back home. I don't think LBH would let him leave, and he knows that. It's why he feels so pressured to keep LBH happy and content and sees it as his responsibility, bc an unhappy LBH = world ending. Eventually though, he'd get over that idea, once he has time to pause and think things through and sort out his feelings and get used to his new, disappointing life.

Maybe Shen Yuan becomes the new protagonist, and lives out his dream of being LBH. bc that's the real reason he was reading th original novel, it was a male power fantasy, and Shen Yuan bought into that. He wants the power fantasy and he'll ultimately have to confront his own unhappiness and disappointment within himself. There's only so long you can lie to yourself. Shen Yuan lies to himself in order to survive, but once survival is secured, he will have ample time to realize he's been lying to himself, and that he doesn't want to continue.

And maybe some things are worse than death. I can't imagine years of lying and being coerced into a relationship with painful and humiliating sex is gonna feel any different from torture via human stick a few years down the line.

Him logging out and continuing with his normal life is probably the funniest outcome. I can see him writing fanfiction of Shen Qingqiu becoming a demon lord and fucking LBH/women as a sort of therapeutic exercise to deal with his trauma in the real world afterwards.

Honestly, I think he'd be relived to escape and probably give up his online hating. Which is ultimately the message mxtx wanted to send by writing a story about a straight online troll ending up getting fucked in the arse so badly he bleeds every time. don't hate in front of the author's face, aka the comment section, which is what Shen Yuan was shamelessly doing, harassing the author so much the author remembers all his comments. It would be a nice ending to say he learned his lesson?

But i also don't think an online hater deserves what Shen Yuan is put through in the story as "punishment" for his bad behaviour. It's not that serious imo. Good thing its a fantasy story and doesn't take itself too seriously. It would be a lot more depressing then, and not nearly as funny.

I may have gone a little offtopic. Oh well.

[shovellyyy]

Uncle Sukuna shows how he cares in less conventional ways.

He’s not usually the one to say “I love you”, and if he does, it’s after Yuuji said it first.

He never even thought of himself as the type to take in a child, let alone guardianship over his little nephew.

Never had he thought Jin would get such a short end of the stick, nor that such a blessing would come out of it.

Adjusting to life as (technically?) a single parent has been hard.

Managing work and toddler care is hard, thank goodness his dad’s stone heart has enough room for a precious grandson. (First grandchild privilege, he supposes.)

Part of caring for a child is making sure they have all the supplies they need.

Diapers, toys, new toys, enrichment time, outside time, food, water- all the stuff he needs for a dog he gets for Yuuji.

- He’s as energetic as a puppy anyhow.

He’s also learned that toddlers in specific need a lot more love than he can give.

He tries to be encouraging, but when he says something to one of Yuuji’s friends from daycare they run away and cry.

Of course, Yuuji gets upset that his friends don’t like his precious uncle, so what better than to lay on the floor and cry?

He’s given up. Not like they’re his brats anyway. He just has one big crybaby on his hands.

“Come on, let’s go get some ice cream. If you keep crying on the floor I’ll give the monster under your bed all your stuffed animals.” He says as threatening as possible, not thinking of the other children watching.

He disregards the gasps around him. His eyes are only on Yuuji, who jumps up and wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

“No!! The monster is too big, no more food for it!”

“Ok. If we don’t go he’s gonna eat you.” Like a member of the army, Yuuji jumps up and goes for his cubby to get his bag.

“Um, sir?” A timid voice says.

Sukuna turns around and sees one of his teachers behind him.

“Yea?” He raises an eyebrow. It’s always entertaining to see how anxious people get around him.

“We’re out of pull-ups for nap time i-if you can bring them in please, Sir!” She’s wringing her hands together like she’s preparing to get chopped in half.

“Ok. Anything else?”

“N-no.”

“Uncle Kuna!!! Let’s go get Superman ice cream!!” Yuuji saves his teachers day, Sukuna supposes. She looks like she’s about to break into pieces.

“Thanks.” Sukuna huffs out. He picks Yuuji up and Yuuji politely says bye to his teacher.

*

After they get ice cream, they head off to the store. He’s still sort of new to this thing, and fortunately has Jin’s stock still, so he grabs how many cases he feels fit.

Apparently, the daycare doesn’t need 10 cases.

“Can’t you just keep the rest in a stock or somethin?” He doesn’t want to whine, but he also doesn’t have room in their house for all these.

“um, do u mean, like using them for the other children too?”

“Yeah, whatever. So long as the b- kid uses em.” He grumbles.

Sure, Sukuna isn’t good at caring, but he’ll be damned if he does a bad job at it.

[constantfragmentation]

I love the latest chapter of Iron&Glass.

Sweet Dad Silco gets me every. damn. time.

I love.love.love Reader and reading it in Silco's pov. Their whole first meeting and the whole scene where she gets her first shower in a long time. omg. and he goes into full protective brother mode but maybe has a crush growing on her, a little possessiveness showing.

He really likes she admires him. So, it's going to be interesting how his relationship with Vander is going to go.

The parallels are really good too. He sees her qualities in Jinx. He's in a toxic relationship with Vander that he doesn't control so it seems right he would be controlling with Reader instead.

It feels like he's not sure what to do with her. There are some feelings coming and I think it's going to fuck him up.

You hit the nail on the head, indeed. It's going to fuck him up.

I wanted Vander to be in control of their relationship. Silco always admired him, wants to be him and now he's the 'secret' lover. But it's growing old.

I like to think Silco has never had a serious relationship except Vander, where emotions are involved. Yeah, he's had one-nighters but it's just sex.

With Reader, he's in control and he's finding he likes that. A LOT. It's on his terms. He just underestimates her feelings and his own suppressed feelings. He's kind of learned from Vander on how to treat a lover.

Being bisexual, I wanted to play in this area too. It can be difficult going from female to male relationships. You can be conflicted on your identity as far as sexuality. I see that in Silco. He likes both but as of now, he's more emotionally invested in Vander for many reasons. Cracks are showing though and they'll continue to grow bigger.

They're already having issues before Reader arrives. It opens up for them to have a fond friendship and Silco starts finding all the things he admired in Vander, she admires in HIM. That's some cocaine for the brain. In the first chapter she's telling him how smart he is and how he should be taking more control because clearly he's the brains in this group.

There is a divergence happening in how Silco sees managing the Lanes and the bigger idea of a full on revolution and this is where Vander starts to waver. He's had control of Silco for awhile and let it slip. Reigning him back in will be harder now that he is finding his own voice.

I wanted to blend Reader into how Silco perceives women and how he sees young Jinx. His protective side comes out. He remembers when he was like that for Reader and how it all went to hell, so he wants to fix that this time around.

I want to play with parallels of Silco/Vander , Silco/Reader and Reader/Jinx (non-sexual or romantic. Silco only views Jinx as a daughter)

There's kind of a triple betrayal on the horizon. Reader's attempt to build Silco up and pull him away backfires, she learns some not so good news on two accounts and hides one from Silco, by the time the other rolls around it's too late.

Vander's not an idiot. He starts to see things change. He didn't care about Silco's one-nighters because he always 'came home' to him in the end but with Reader, something is different and it becomes a tug of war on Silco. Who does he trust? Who does he believe? And who just deceived the shit out of him.

It will get very ugly prior to the attempted murder.

By the time Reader and Silco meet in present time.... the audience will know exactly what happened that tore everyone apart, and what Reader DOESN'T know about Silco until actually sees him again. It will be a shock to her. Will she realize the truth before it's too late?

That's what I'm hoping for.

I love writing unhealthy relationships. IRL, I wouldn't want one but they're hella dramatic to play with in fiction.

I wanted to show Readers loyalty to Silco. A friendship turning into more but its complicated. Unrequited love? I wanted to show her as scrappy, smart and independent at first but finding a lost soul in Silco and attaches to that (kind of like Jinx) because she has no one else. So when she starts to fall apart, Silco is literally "dude wtf ?Why are you a mess now?" because he expects her to be logical like him and doesn't realizes she harbours serious emotions for him.

Silco processing his emotions is a juggernut in itself. The man holds grudges until the time of fucking time. He has serious trust issues. He emotionally closes himself off out of fear of abandonment and hurt. He can't handle disloyalty or lies.

He knows when he's wronged someone but him apologizing for shit? Oh boy.

I love playing with his character because there is SO MUCH to work with. Silco is so damn complicated that you can take him in multiple directions.

Of course, me being long-winded as fuck when I'm talking about something I like.

I just need to learn to say: thank you! I appreciate it! Thanks for reading but my fucking brainrot says otherwise.

[mithrilhearts]

Mithrilhearts: The Fandom Experience

It's hard to believe that I've been a part of the Tolkien fandom for four years now. Time really does fly when you're having fun, but it has changed (for me) drastically since I first stepped foot into the creating world for Tolkien.

I've tried to engage in other fandoms before this one, with no real luck. But this fandom, Bagginshield, was the first place I felt like I contributed something worthwhile. It was so much fun, and I've made some amazing friends along the way even if some of our fandoms have diverged, leading to other paths, but we still stay in contact. That's been my favorite part.

The friendships.

I won't lie, there have been some mighty frustrations along the way the more I participated. I was new to fandom, I had never experienced "discourse" or "fandom politics”, and I really wish I hadn't. I want to open a dialogue with those who also enjoy [thing] without these things. It's made me want to take a significant step back.

I have learned that I am not a fan of moderating large fandom social groups (i.e. discord servers, or fandom themed blogs), and treating this enjoyment like a regular 9-5 job, where at times my actual job felt more enjoyable.

I feel like I've grown over my time in the fandom, and I want to keep progressing myself, just as I want to fall in love with Tolkien/Bagginshield again - but I don't need to be a part of it always. Thus I am taking a step back in participating. No events, no moderating [big things], and just focusing on what makes me happy.

With that, I'm fully charging towards posting my first Dragon Age fic here very soon! I'm so excited to branch out into other places I love, and hope that some of you are also ready to journey into Thedas! I've loved these games for SO long, and I'm surprised it took me this long to actually make things for it.

I'm applying the same rules for myself when engaging with new fandoms to come: no big social groups, no discourse, just fun. Let's enjoy the fandom(s) together 💖

[herbeloved82]

Unexpected Gifts

Written with @complicitsacrilege here is a little gift for the first day of the Saturnalia event.

Once again the winter solstice came close, like every year, and like every year Marius was caught by surprise. For creatures like them the flowing of time could be meaningless, and yet, sometimes it became the only thing they could focus on. 

With winter the memories also came back, of a time long gone, that only a few people at court remembered. Saturnalia, the days of Saturn, the Old Wandering, heritage of a culture that was already old when Rome rose to power. 

A fond smile turned the corners of his mouth, and even if it was normal now to see him happy, it still felt strange to Marius himself to show his emotions so openly. 

He, the one who had always been the mentor, the teacher and the anchor, was now learning not to keep his emotions bottled. He had promised his beloved that he wouldn’t hide things from him, and even if it was a work in progress that sometimes Marius failed, he was doing his best to keep his word. 

Thinking about his beloved, Marius remembered another tradition that was related to Saturn. Small gifts would be exchanged during the festivities, usually sweets for the youngest and worshiping statues for the adults who would take them to the temple. 

He remembered his father and his siblings’ happiness when the holiday approached. The whole house would be in ferment the whole time. The children would jump around, too excited to even sleep, and the adults would work tirelessly to make sure that everything would be ready. 

Marius never had children, but he doted on his nephews and nieces, spoiling them with gifts that had his siblings roll his eyes. 

They will be insufferable, Marius. He could still hear his older brother’s voice, but even when he was scolding him, the fondness in his voice was unmistakable. Only after he had lost them Marius realized that his brother wasn’t only fond of his own children, but also of that brother so different from them and yet accepted in the family like he had always belonged. 

Without wasting time, but still aware of how leaving without an explanation would look, Marius rushed back to their rooms and caught his beloved contemplating his new wardrobe, picking item after item, to match the shades and fabrics. 

He kissed Armand’s unruly curls with affection and whispered to him a few words; “I need to leave for a bit, but I will be back before the meeting, so please, try not to kill our prince before I come back.” 

The devious angel turned in his arms and looked at Marius, puzzled. “Does that mean I can kill him after you come back?” 

“No, you horrible minx. We both know you love him, in your very peculiar way.” 

Marius stole another kiss before he moved towards the balcony. 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t, and please, wait for me.” He said before disappearing into the night. 

***  

Marius wasn’t fond of Ireland, for many reasons. The worst thing that happened to him there was to meet Mael, and he still had to recover from that. Traumatized for life by the barbarian drunk he had learned to stand, just for Lestat’s sake. 

So no, he wasn’t fond of the land or the people, but he also knew when he needed them, and now he needed a druid and their magic for the gift he had in mind. 

“You are a long way from home, Vampire.” 

“I am, and yet I’m not, for my dark life began here.” 

The old woman who appeared in front of him was dressed in white and had her long, grey hair in a braid softly laying on her right shoulder. She looked ageless and wise, and the wrinkles on her face only added to her charm. 

Marius thought he would have loved to paint her, making her immortal on his canvas so that he could always remember her. 

“And what are you looking for in the place that saw your rebirth?” She asked and her voice was now softer, like she saw in his soul that he wasn’t a menace to her and her people, but a man looking for guidance and help.   

“I seek your help, for a gift.” Marius answered, a trace of amusement in his voice. Oh they could read each other, even without invading each other’s mind. 

“For the celebration of a holiday that means nothing to us?” 

“But that meant a lot for me, before I was turned.” 

“We have something in common, Vampire. We too have old traditions we still follow. They root us to his land and our history, so that we won’t be forgotten.” 

She sounded like Hypatia and Sappho. Like Marie Curie and Florence Nightingale. She sounded like every woman who had things to teach, who had fought against society and was defeated, only to be remembered forever by the future generations.  

“What is it that you need our help with?” She asked but when Marius took from his pocket a silver blade, like those used to harvest mistletoe she took a step back, alarmed. 

“Fear not, for I won’t hurt you. I just need the blade for something else.” Then he proceeded to cut himself, right where his heart laid, protected by his flesh. 

She hissed when the blood didn’t stop flowing as it would be supposed to. 

“You are ancient. Why aren’t you healing?” 

Instead of answering, Marius gave her a ring he kept on a golden chain around his neck. It was old looking, but when her fingers touched the gold, she knew it was an heirloom that had belonged to him when he was human. 

“I need your magic to seal my blood to this ring, for my gift…” 

“Is one that comes from the heart, for the one you love above everything else.” She finished for him. 

*** 

In their rooms his beloved was pacing like a caged lion. Marius had promised he would be back before the meeting, and yet, he wasn’t there. 

He will come back. He told himself, but it was hard to listen to logic when fear clouded his mind. It was easier to retreat back into old habits that helped him to keep his heart protected for so long. 

The taste of ashes awoke in his mouth, and he was ready to listen to the voice that told him to leave and never look back, when he heard a thud coming from the balcony, too loud to be Marius, right? 

But when he looked, there he was, unsteady on his feet, like he was hurt, and in that moment he forgot everything about running away to rush to his side. 

“What happened?” He asked as he grabbed Marius and dragged him into their room. “Are you hurt?” 

However, when Marius didn’t answer but smiled, confusion and rage took charge of his actions. 

“Why are you smiling,” Armand demanded, his worry turning to a pout almost immediately. “The meeting is beginning and you said you would be back.”

“And here I am, you cruel monster, but would you mind terribly if we skip the meeting, just this once?”

Just as quickly as it had appeared, Armand’s pout disappeared, and he narrowed his eyes, “You know I never mind an excuse to skip council meetings, but tell me, Master, what has happened to you?”

“Nothing really. I just wish to celebrate with you. It is the first day of Saturnalia, after all, and I want to share it with you.” 

The court would still be there in a few nights, but this moment Marius wanted it to be just for them. 

“I’m aware of the holiday, yes - but what does that have to do with anything? You’ve never wanted to celebrate before.” Armand’s suspicion was clear, even without the mind gift between them, Marius didn’t need it to hear it in his beloved’s tone, yet there was a brightness in his eyes that hadn’t been there for some time.

“There was never time before, my love. But now, no one is after us, and we are free to show each other love. So I thought we could celebrate this year, the world that goes upside down, where the Masters become slaves and the slaves are suddenly Master. Where gifts are exchanged and the old God would look upon the world with a fondness that nowadays is lost, protecting everyone for another year.” 

There was a mischievous glint in Armand’s eye, but it was gone as soon as he wrapped his arms around Marius’ waist, moving in close, “Tell me more,” Armand grinned up at Marius, worry seemingly forgotten, “You never did tell me much about the old gods that you never believed in.”

Marius smiled, indulgent. “He was a God who had lost everything. His family cast him away when he became too much, too old, too expendable. He came to Earth to bring gifts of harvest and life. He was the promise of spring after winter, and yet he wandered into cities in winter, dressed in rugs, looking for a warm place to sleep and some food to consume, in exchange of the stories he had learned in his long life.” Marius said, with a gentle voice, without even realizing he had slipped into speaking Latin. 

“I never saw him as a God, but as the whole of humanity itself, too old already, and yet waiting to be renewed.” 

Armand hummed, pursing his lips for a moment, “That sounds like someone I might know,” his mischievous smile was back as he went up onto tip toe for a kiss.

“Are you calling me old?” Marius blew on Armand’s lips before stealing another kiss. “Then see if I give you the present I picked for you.” 

“Well,” Armand started, dropping back down onto flat feet, “maybe not old - not as old as Seth, anyway. And would it help if I told you that I have something for you too?”

Marius looked at him, surprised and intrigued. 

“You have something for me, for Saturnalia?” 

No one had given him anything since he last saw his family, and he felt his heart grow bigger with all the tenderness he felt for his beloved. 

“I might have a little something,” Armand replied slowly, swaying a little on his feet.

“Well, I guess now we’ll have to decide who will give his gift first.” Marius concluded with mirth shining in his eyes. 

“You were the one to say you have a gift first,” Armand hinted, trailing a hand up Marius’ back, “Or are you simply gifting me with your presence during the holiday?”

Marius looked at him, pensive, his head on a side. “And wouldn’t that be a gift on its own? My whole attention, for days, with no one else coming between us?” 

Armand huffed, “Perhaps that is my gift to you also, Master. I won’t be hunting down any rogue fledglings anytime soon, so you’ll have me all to yourself.” But after a pause, he added, “Very well. If I’m to be your Master for the holiday, then it’s only right that I give my slave his gift first.”

He pressed a kiss to Marius’ collarbone, hesitating for just a moment as a look of mild concern flashed across his expression, but then he was gone, darting away into their coffin room where he had evidently hidden his gift. 

He came back seconds later with a large, rectangular object wrapped in fine cloth held carefully in his hands. Armand didn’t meet Marius’ gaze straight away, nor did he offer the gift immediately, but finally, he looked up. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that Marius hadn’t seen since Armand was a boy, and then he was wordlessly holding out the wrapped object.

Marius didn’t have words to express his emotions now. He would be Armand’s slave for as long as he wanted, was it the holidays or more. In many ways Armand had owned him, or at least his heart, since the first day they met, and Marius had never taken it back. 

Slowly, as in fear of ruining the moment and shattering the precious balance between them, Marius lowered his head and took the offered gift like he would have taken the most delicate manuscript ever written by human’s hand. That was how much respect he had for the gift that came from Armand. 

With attention he slowly showed what was hidden, revealing to the world a beautifully painted ikon that had Marius himself as subject. From the wooden support Marius stared at himself. God to Man, Immortal to Immortal, Saint to Sinner. 

Red tears formed in his blue eyes, for the ikon spoke to his heart and he never saw anything more beautiful than the proof that Armand was taking back one of his passions, taken from him by human cruelty first, and blind fanaticism after. 

“This - this is beautiful, my love.” He said as emotions choked him and his voice sounded shaking and weaker than it ever was. 

Armand’s expression showed open vulnerability now, and even he had the beginnings of tears staining the whites of his eyes pink. “I painted it while you were gone. I –” he stopped, seemingly unable to continue, but then, “I had hoped it would bring you home.”

“I will always come back to you, wherever I am, my love, I will always come back to you. This is my vow, spoken under Saturn’s all knowing eyes. A promise I will keep until my last day on the Earth.” Marius said, his tears free to fall. 

Both vulnerable, both hurt and trusting, it was the first time that they had been this close. Not even before they had crossed this line, and now even more, the choice Marius made felt right. 

“As you humble servant, let me give you my gift, my Lord, my Beloved.” 

Without hesitation, he took the ring that still felt warm in his hand, for the magic that was used would always maintain the love Marius felt for Armand, burning like the fire that celebrated the Gods all over the world. 

His hand shook when he presented the ring to Armand, waiting for his reaction. 

When Armand took the ring, his expression was almost unreadable, but as he ran his thumb over the ruby studded gold, his brows drew together and he examined it more closely. “It’s beautiful, Master… but is this,” he paused, bringing the ring to his nose. “Is this your blood,” he asked, turning his attention back to Marius.

“From the heart that was always yours, and that will be yours until you decide otherwise.” 

At the risk of the painting, Armand stepped closer, hugging Marius tightly enough to crush any human, and he could feel one of his hands shift at his back as he slipped the ring onto one of his fingers. “Thank you, Master. Thank you for coming back to me.”

Red stains appeared on Marius’ shirt under Armand’s cheek, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He had Armand back in his arms, where he belonged all along, what more was there to want?

[fatedroses]

Man meets Morbol