#this will be the only chance ill have to live on my own bc i cant afford to keep going to school here

[elytrafemme]

(kinda gets 18+ in tags srry. i never know how/where to talk abt it) and honestly it's never like i can pull up and talk about like, emotional abuse either. or like atmospheric triggers and shit. because talking about any of that is hard. but it's specifically fucking impossible to ever talk about sexual trauma to anybody ever, which is fucked because like... i'm trying and i'm doing good at it, i'm proud of myself, but it's so like. idk. when something dominates your entire life for an incredible critical five years of your life and entirely transforms how you approach anything it's like... i don't actually know how to express any of this at all. and i guess it's sometimes hard for people to get it. i dunno.

[oars]

after this year im gonna be broke! and i have no skills and im stupid! im cooked its over!!

[ninyard]

a thought that's been spinning around in my head is what if jeremy did relapse? like what could drive him to that and how he would move forward considering the whole self hatred of "i'd rather die than be that person again" and shame in asking for help bc "ill never forgive you if you backslide"

OKAY so i’ve been sitting on this just thinking about it for a few days and although it’s not a theory that i believe would/will happen, it’s one of the few ideas i can come up with as to what could cause him to backslide

(i do believe him when he says he won’t. but god, for my own selfish reasons, do i want to see him crash out monumentally)

SO

Jeremy’s mom/stepdad stop allowing him to stay over at Laila/Jean’s place because of what happened to Bryson, how dangerous they think it could be, and how dangerous they think Jean is. Everything that has happened has made their control over Jeremy a thousand times worse. It’s torture for him, his final year, commuting to and from the university every single day for practices and that’s it; no parties, no free time, just practice, and classes, and then home. He’s forced into isolation, almost, but he still talks to the guys on video calls, and lies about having practices that don’t exist just so he can see them. But it’s few and far between. For him, mentally, it takes a huge toll. He hasn’t felt depression like this in a long time, if ever, really. It’s not good - He’s stuck with Bryson far more often that he’d like, and the only solace is those few hours a day where he gets to relax with Jean, Cat, Laila, and the few trojans he gets a chance to see outside of practice.

The guys notice this heaviness in him; Laila in particular gets worried to a point where she shows up at his house a handful of times just to make sure he’s okay, but the Wilshire household is a hostile place for her to be, and Jeremy hates her being around them if it at all can be avoided. Even the diplomats daughter excuse fails Mathilde and Warren: Jeremy has to focus on his LSATs, and he can’t afford outside distractions stealing his attention.

Jeremy pushes sitting the exam further out, and further out. He comes up with all the excuses he possibly can until he’s exhausted every single one, and with Bryson’s threats, he fails the first exam he sits. and it makes everything so much worse.

His phone is taken away from him at night, he’s not allowed to go for runs when he’s unaccompanied or without sharing his location the entire time. Everything the same as it’s been, but amplified, so much more suffocating than what’s healthy.

While all this is going on, the Trojans are doing well. They make it through to the Spring championships as expected, and one night Mathilde allows him to stay at Jean’s place, with the condition that he’s home by 10am the next morning. Its supposed to be a night of relief, a well deserved day off, but he cries in his friends arms and tells them that his family is destroying his life, and he doesn’t know why, and he doesn’t know what to do. Laila only looks at him with mild dissatisfaction as he spends most of the night sitting on the balcony, or out the front of the building, with cigarette after cigarette between his lips. They try to come up with a million ways to get him out of there but he knows none of them will work - he’s trapped, and there’s really nothing he can do.

Bryson corners Jeremy again, when he learns that he’s finally taking a resit exam, and tells him he has to fail this one too. Jeremy almost accepts the consequences of not doing what he says, that some planted coke or pills would be far less of a punishment than living in this prison is, but he takes the test, and he fails. It’s only half intentional, too. His mental health is in the gutter, because he’s a social butterfly, and he needs people around him to feel like himself. how can he focus on studying when he’s spending most of his days bored and resisting the temptation of the escape promised to him all those years ago?

The Trojans qualify for the semi finals, and then they qualify for the finals. It’s the Trojans V Penn State, or by another miracle, it’s the Foxes again. The date has been set. It’s a Friday, the same time of year that it usually is. It’s hard to enjoy the well earned chance at victory when he’s spent most of the year just trying to survive that big house with all its empty rooms and ghosts that walk the halls.

Warren has had enough of his failures, of course he has, the silly achievements of college sports irrelevant on his tall ladder of expectation. Jeremy spends a full night being berated, and belittled, called every name under the sun, full of vitriol and hatred for the disappointment of a son who refused the name of success and landed himself in such a position. Twice? He’d slammed Jeremy’s poor results on the table in front of him. Are you stupid, or do you faggots just get off on being embarrassments?

That night he texts his old dealer from high school, but when the response dings into his inbox, Jeremy deletes the message. He can’t. He thinks about Noah, and he thinks about everything riding on his sobriety. He can’t. He can’t do it.

But he wants to, so badly, and after that, he spends every waking second trying to prevent himself from asking again.

A morning or two later, Mathilde neatly sticks a sticky note to the top of the LSAT guides Jeremy has been pretending to study.

“What is that?” he asks, a date and time scribbled in her fancy scrawl across the green paper.

“It’s your exam, because you insist on avoiding it.” She says, turning around to do something else, like this was unimportant and meaningless to her. “I took the liberty of booking it for you. You aren’t going to fail this one.”

Jeremy picks up the piece of paper and stares at it. “I can’t do that date.”

“That’s too bad,” She almost laughs, sickly sweet. “It’s the only one they had this side of the month.”

“No, mom, I can’t do this date.” Jeremy’s head is in his hands already. This can’t be happening, and he doesn’t have the energy to argue anymore. “We’re flying out to Pennsylvania the night before. We play that evening. It’s the finals.”

She shrugs like that meant nothing to her, and Jeremy isn’t stupid enough to be surprised.

“Well,” She puts a hand on his head and endearingly rubs a thumb over his forehead. “You should have thought about that before failing the other two, Jeremy.”

He calls Cat as soon as he manages to pull his head out of the clouds of disbelief. It’s not long before the other two are on the other end of the line begging Jeremy to just leave, and they’ll figure it out later.

But he thinks of his life, that rides on a good relationship with the Wilshire empire, his reputation, and the Wilshire’s ability to ruin any potential recruitments he might have dreamt about in the future. One leaked document and every pro team in the country will know about Jeremy’s past, and his multiple run ins with the law. He thinks of his documents hidden under floorboards he’ll never find or safety deposit boxes he’ll never have access to. For a moment he wishes David Wymack had spent his time coaching a pro team, so maybe then he’d have a chance. He spends all his time agonising, trying to find a way, but everything in his life feels like it’s falling apart. He’s drinking so much coffee that he feels like his heart is going to burst. He’s barely even able to focus on playing anymore. He’s just about failing ceramics, for gods sake, and he’s not sure about most other classes - he has barely attended more than a lecture or two in weeks.

He spends hours, days, begging his mom to understand that this can’t be negotiable, it can’t be. He can’t let the team down at this point. Even Rhemann attempts to talk Mathilde down from her high pedestal, but Warren’s strong hand on her shoulder stops her from backing down. Jeremy’s dad stops answering his calls, not interested in being interrupted in the middle of the night to listen to the son he never cared about’s woes.

So the night before the championship finals comes, and Jeremy texts his teammates to have a safe flight, and he calls his dealer. They can’t meet anywhere suspicious, so he asks him to join him on the route he’s forced to run on. He knows his mom watches his every move when he leaves the house for even a second these days - he can’t stay still for too long either.

It’s not long later before he’s running home, with too much cocaine in his pocket, too many tears running down his face at what a disappointment he’d become. Noah would hate him for this; To be let down again, a promise broken, again, looking down from heaven at enough white powder to trigger a heart attack beforeJeremy even gets the chance to sit the exam.

He doesn’t take any of it that night; he knows he can’t fail again. The temptation is incredible, though, and it’s a very difficult thing to resist. He settles for some adderall he stole from Bryson’s room, and crams as much as his frazzled mind can take it.

He cries as much as he studies, every now and again just looking at the clear baggie that he hid in his wallet, heart racing every time he remembers that rush, that feeling.

The exam goes about as well as he expected, but he manages to find an hour somewhere afterwards before he’s expected to be home. he turns his phone and location off, and finds the nearest booty call to him in his contact list.

The coke goes down much easier than he was expecting it to, as if being out of practice would have made it different, but by the time his pupils are tiny and his heart is pumping, he’s at the front door of a bad idea. He doesn’t even feel able to question himself, unable to spend a half a second in his body to remember how much he’s destroying his life all over again, in that moment, because his brain and body are in seperate places. He doesn’t remember driving home, if his hookup kinda drove his car and got a cab back, or if he’d drove high out of his mind for the tedious 45 minutes that it takes. He hoped it was the former, but knew it was the latter. He just hoped he hadn’t caused an accident somewhere on the way.

His mom doesn’t stop him to ask how it went before he’s shutting his bedroom door behind him. He has a few hours to kill before the game, so he spends his time wisely between putting his nose in the bag, or smoking out of his bedroom window like a teenager afraid to be caught. By the time the game starts his paranoia has set in, an old and unwelcoming friend, and he hides his cigarettes deep in his closet for fear the tabloids would leak a photo of him smoking 10 cigarettes in an hour.

He cries when Jean takes to the court. He almost snaps his phone in half when Cat gets injured. When Derrick steps back from a fight, when Cody calls a timeout for an injury, all he feels is this hollow, empty pit in his stomach. When the Trojans lose, he can’t keep it in, and he feels his world start to crumble.

He wonders if this is how Noah felt before he made that decision to jump. He wonders if he’s high enough off the ground for it to work.

Laila calls him an hour or two later, and her face drops at the sight of Jeremy. When she asks him to hold the phone up to his eyes he smiles, an empty smile, obliging before she starts to cry. She hangs up, not out of anger, or rage at his decision to relapse, but sheer heartbreak at seeing him in such a state, alone, alone, alone, not able to do a single thing to stop it.

Cat calls him back minutes later, and he doesn’t feel heartened by how her voice cracks when she asks him what he’s taken. He’s angry, he thinks, a ball in his stomach and a voice in his head saying, “how dare they make this about them?”

She tells him to call his sponsor. She begs him to think this through. She knows she lost him when he’s half lucid and forgets he’s on a video call, dipping his head down to his bedside locker to snort a line he’d lay out earlier.

There’s an ending here, somewhere, a happy one, maybe, a complete one more likely. He said it himself; he can’t live with himself if he gets high again. He’d rather die than feel like that again. So maybe that’s just how it goes.

[omgahgase]

nsfw charthur fic - wolf shifter!arthur

i was reading through some old wips for other fandoms and i decided to take a small thing from twt and turn it into a charthur thing bc i'm mentally ill over them. i was also driven to post this by some users who helped me realize that i can post what i want bc what i create is for me. so, thank you. you have beaten away my apprehension with a stick, and now i am DOING THE DANG THING! i'll most likely post this to ao3 after i find an appropriate title that isn't 'charles taking monster cock'

nsfw charthur fic under the cut. content warnings include: monster fucking, knotting, size difference, a dash of mpreg (but not really), and some sweet fluff to top it all off

Fur sprouts along the length of Arthur’s spine, from his nape down to the small of his back, along his arms and his legs and around his jaw. It spreads like moss on a tree, gathering into handfuls and giving Charles something to hold onto, soft like the down from the underside of a duck, sandy brown like the dirt in Flat Iron Lake. Charles grips the hair between his fingers and fits his face into the hot, stuffy section of Arthur's furry neck as he moans a desperate, fervent sound.

Arthur's cock grows three times its size, the thick girth of his length stretching Charles to a startling point, but his strangled cry isn't out of pain more so than surprise. Charles muffles a desperate mewl of a sound into Arthur's neck, humps up into his belly to ease the ache in his ass, smearing wet and sticky across Arthur's hairy lower belly.

Arthur’s fangs start to take shape too, elongating into razor-sharp incisors that could rip Charles’ throat out, but instead, he bares them and grunts, curls his upper lip into a snarl when Charles adjusts and Arthur sinks in deeper. As he shifts, his eyes change from sky blue to a dull grey then, finally, when Charles removes his face from Arthur's shoulder, a striking, stark white, nearly engulfed by his pupils.

He grows, too. Arthur's frame broadens until he towers over Charles, thick and strong, his back hunched like a predator moments away from devouring its prey. His hands and feet lengthen, extending black, blade-like claws from his nails, and, momentarily, something sharp shoots beneath Charles’ chest. When Arthur shifts, his claws leave the most damage. Their last sleeping pad was shredded to unsalvageable repair, but, thankfully, they're not in their tent tonight, so Charles' worry is short-lived.

He knew Arthur needed a night to unwind, to change away from the overbearing hands of camp, and away from Dutch and his endless list of errands he rattles off to Arthur whenever he gets the chance. The gang knows how Arthur gets when he's not allowed to run free after a stressful few days of hunting and taking odd jobs to earn a few measly dollars, of scamming people into pennies and robbing lonesome stagecoaches in the dark of night. Seeing it fit, Charles took it upon himself to do something for him this time to make up for all the things he does for camp. For all the good Arthur does for Charles.

That’s how they found themselves here, a few miles away from camp, in their own secluded piece of wild where Arthur pounced on him mere moments after they dismounted their horses. He pushed Charles onto his back over a soft bed of grass, divested both of them of their clothes, and licked into Charles with an intensity that he’d be able to feel for days. It took only seconds for Arthur to slip inside his lover and let the animal out of the cage, to hand himself over to that other part of him that he tries so desperately to tamper down.

It took time for Arthur to tell him, and it took even longer for Arthur to show him, but now that they're far past the gentle touches and first times, neither of them really cares where this sort of thing takes them.

"Cowboy," Charles calls out around a scream. He tightens his grip on Arthur's shoulders and squeezes thick thighs around his furry middle as a tidal wave of pleasure pulls him beneath the surface until his lungs burn. Arthur picks up pace, then, fucks into him with intent as Charles scrambles for any sort of coherence that goes beyond his cries of, "Yes, that's it, baby! Oh, Arthur!"

It’s not until Charles feels the fat swell of Arthur's knot kissing his entrance does he finally say 'fuck it' and starts babbling, slurring mush mouth words and pleas of Arthur's name.

Arthur whines deep in his chest as he rises to his hunches, his glowing eyes rooted to the large bulge protruding from Charles' stomach, the mound moving as he grinds his hips against the soaking wet valley of Charles' thighs. Charles’ cock bounces between them, untouched and weeping. Pearly white beads at his dark tip, shining in the moonlight seeping through the trees above. Arthur watches, growling, as he takes Charles in his hand and pumps, the entirety of his palm engulfing Charles until only his head peeks over Arthur’s fist. Charles is by no means small, but just the sight of his cock disappearing beneath Arthur’s large hand is enough to make him throw his head back, his back jackknifing off the ground. He squeezes around Arthur’s length and moans a broken sound into the cool air that has Arthur placing a soothing hand on his waist.

"Charles—darlin'. You’re doin' amazin',” he praises, wonderstruck. “You look so pretty like this."

Arthur speaks from within, raspy and throaty, the voice of the ancients. It's echoey and old as if thousands of people are speaking at the same time, all collectively using their voices to create a rumble so intense Charles can feel it in his throat, in his cock, and where he and Arthur are joined.

And when Arthur comes, his knot fits into Charles so easily. He stuffs Charles until he's pumped full and Arthur knows Charles is tight around him, firm and secure.

"You're gonna carry my pups," Arthur rumbles, his fangs dangerously close to Charles' neck. "Gonna get you pregnant, Charles. My Charles. My, big, strong, beautiful Charles.” 

Arthur punctuates his words with a sharp snap of his hips, his clawed hand spreading wide over the expanse of Charles' stomach, over the bulging skin like he's trying to will his words true.

It’s impossible, and both of them know that, but Charles still lets Arthur take him, mumbling dirty promises into his ear like an oath he plans to keep. Charles feels warmth shoot into him, tepid and slick, and he takes it all, winding his arms tight around Arthur's wide shoulders and threading trembling hands through dark fur. He tries in vain to pull him in tighter when they're both already pressed so close together as if he wants to fuse them together entirely.

All it takes is for a fanged tooth to press down on Charles' neck, grazing his tendon for him to come, too, spurting white and sticky up his swollen stomach, his heaving chest. Arthur swoops down to lap at the come spread over Charles' flushed skin, collecting it in his mouth and kissing Charles with fervor.

He doesn't let up until Charles swallows.

And when Arthur's done and he's slowly shifting back, his sanity now under control, he kisses Charles slowly, with a ferocity that's near breathtaking—like he's trying to drink Charles' entire essence, consuming his heart and soul that Charles has already so graciously given to him.

Arthur's knot is still snuggly nestled inside his lover, now smaller than before but continuing its job it was made to do. Charles whimpers a weak, spent mumble of a sound, over-sensitive and tender all over as he moves, getting used to the feeling of the thick sloshing in his lower half. It should be disgusting, the state of himself, but Charles cherishes these shared moments because it’s with Arthur. It’s been years and he still wonders, out of all the people Arthur could’ve chosen, women and men included throwing themselves at him in every town, a creature of the night or not, how he still chose Charles.

And no matter how many times Arthur tells him that—that he's Arthur’s person—Charles will still gawk in disbelief because he'll never understand how he managed to tame someone like him, a man more wild than the wild itself.

Arthur moves atop him, his face now back to normal, no more fur, no more fangs. His eyes are still glowing bright blue, a sign that his knot isn't going down any time soon, so they might as well get comfortable. Charles combs his hands through Arthur's hair, and scratches at the spot behind his ear that sends tingles over his scalp. Arthur bucks his hips on reflex, making Charles cry out, and then he immediately stills, eyes wide.

"Sorry," he mumbles, voice thick.

"Don't be," Charles assures. "You know I can handle it ."

Arthur shakes his head, unconvinced. "I'm hurtin’ you."

"I never tell you to stop," Charles counters, using the remaining strength in his tired body to give Arthur a look.

Arthur ignores him and props himself up on strong arms, eyes roaming over the red lines along Charles' thighs and hips, the raised draw of skin clearly visible in the moonlight. Where the scratches turn angry and crimson, small dollops of warm blood seep out into the brisk breeze, gliding along the length of Charles' wounds. His bite marks aren’t the worst of it, but Arthur still treats them as such, eyes lingering on the teeth-sharp shapes of Arthur’s bite and fangs. 

Arthur's expression turns solemn when he takes a gentle hand and trails a finger across the purpling splotches decorating Charles' body, the marks that will bloom into full bruises by morning.

Charles, not liking the flash of guilt taking root in his lover's eyes, grabs Arthur's face in his warm palms and pulls him down for a kiss.

"I'm fine," Charles says, his tone soft, like how it always is when he gets like this. "You could never hurt me."

“You’re always sayin’ that, but look at ya. You looked like you were mauled.” 

“Because I was,” Charles agrees, easily, because why deny the truth? Charles isn’t a liar, and he’s not going to start acting like one to make Arthur feel better. Arthur needs to know that Charles can handle anything he throws at him, bites, scratches, wounds, and all. 

Charles said he loved him, all parts of him. The good, the bad. The wolf. When Arthur shifted in front of him for the first time, Charles wasn’t scared, nor was he surprised to know that every version of Arthur was beautiful, fur and fangs included. Charles understands that he would do just about anything for Arthur, and that includes braving a few hours of being fucked stupid by a creature in the stories his mom used to tell him to get Charles to behave. Charles never complains, because he never finds an issue with it. Because there isn’t an issue. 

Charles brushes their noses together, swoops in for a second kiss, and bites back a smile when he feels Arthur’s breath stutter. “I’d let you eat me whole if you asked.” 

“I’d never ask that, ever,” Arthur says, serious and weighty as if he thinks Charles is ready to offer himself on a silver platter. 

(He is, but Charles thinks Arthur already knows that.) 

“But if you do, then the answer is yes. It’s always yes.” 

“You’re so strange,” Arthur snorts. “Who’d willingly give themselves to a wolf?” 

Charles thinks about it, then, “Abigail.”  

Arthur chuckles and ducks his head into the cozy spot between Charles’ neck and shoulder. He kisses at the bite marks littering his skin as he says, “That don’t count. She’s crazy.” 

“If she’s crazy enough to be with John, then I’m crazy enough to be with you.” 

Arthur laughs this time, hearty and full and so him that Charles finds himself laughing too, smiling into the soft spot behind Arthur’s ear. He kisses at the birthmark just below his hairline, relishes in the shiver shooting down Arthur’s spine. 

“Try again, darlin’. You ain’t any more crazy than you are foolish.” 

Charles makes a show of thinking over his answer, making Arthur roll his eyes and prop himself atop folded hands over Charles’ chest, looking at him like a curious puppy. 

“Someone who cares about you,” Charles finally says, earnestly, like he’s confessing all over again, but this time with actual words instead of just twisting a fist in Arthur’s handkerchief and planting one on him after a shoot-out. 

Arthur smiles, fitting the shape of his mouth over the indents of his fangs on Charles’ body with gentle lips. “So your way of carin’ for me is lettin’ me eat you?” 

“No,” Charles says, shaking his head and trailing kiss-bitten lips along the rough scruff of Arthrur’s jaw, “it’s giving myself over to you if you asked. But,” he shrugs, “I’ve already done that.” 

“I didn’t ask,” Arthur says it like it’s a wonder and not a true fact. 

“You didn’t need to. I wanted to. I’d give you anything if it means you’ll stay with me.” 

“Now that, Mr. Smith, is a foolish thing to say,” Arthur huffs. “I’d be with you regardless. You don’t gotta give me anythin’. It’s my choice, bein’ with you. There ain’t ever gonna be another person out there for me. And even if there was, they ain’t you.” 

Charles, feeling as if something inside his chest exploded into a supernova, bites back an overwhelming sob and surges forward to kiss him again. They both hum, moving their hands over waists and achy muscles to cup each other’s faces like they think the other might disappear if they didn’t hold on. 

But they won’t. Neither of them will because this is the type of thing that leads them here: loving each other in ways neither really understands but they both accept. They love and they question but most of all, they know that they both want to stay together. For as long the lives they live will allow it. 

“There isn’t anyone out there like you either,” Charles marvels when they separate, watching as Arthur’s bright blue eyes change from striking to something softer, something more delicate than what a man like him would think he’s capable of. “I’d choose you every time. In every life I’ll ever live.” 

Arthur sighs and fits himself cozy between Charles’ thighs and atop his chest. “You think that’s possible?” 

“Yes,” Charles answers because he’s not a liar like that. “Would you still choose me?” 

“Don’t be actin’ dumb now, Charles,” Arthur jokes. “You’re too smart for that.” 

Charles grins into the sharp line of Arthur’s jaw, feeling his lover’s smile stretch wide over his face. 

“If you wanna make me stop, you could always just marry me.” 

Arthur laughs. He laughs and shakes and snorts an ugly, goofy sound into Charles’ chest, his hair a rat’s nest tangle and cheeks flushed to the yards, and Charles thinks he’s never looked more handsome than he does right now. 

“I will not take that as a proposal, not when I’m still inside ya and we’re buck naked in the woods.” 

“But someday?” Charles asks, hopeful in a way he has no control over when they live the lives they have. It’s a silly, foolish little dream that he thinks about more than he wants to admit, and has only voiced a handful of times over the years they’ve been together. It’s frivolous and laughable and he shouldn’t be asking Arthur something so serious so casually. 

But, when Arthur kisses him, when he holds him close and embraces him tight, when he says a breathy little ‘yes’ in between every swipe of his tongue, Charles starts to think it’s not just a silly, foolish dream. 

“Yes,” Arthur says as he kisses him hard and makes love to him soft. 

“Yes,” Arthur says as he rolls them over in their bed of grass, gazes up at Charles like he’s a wonder. 

“Yes,” Arthur says as he leans up into Charles’ space that hasn’t been his own in quite some time now.

Arthur kisses and caresses and repeats the word against Charles’ lips like it’s a fact and not just an agreement. Like it’s an oath he plans to keep. 

[mzannthropy]

Anne of the Island Book Club Chapter 34

You know what will happen in this chapter from its title. John Douglas Speaks at Last. Let me get something else out of the way first, though: Sam's proposal to Anne. I have always been of the opinion that LMM overdid it here. The previous proposals I understand, there was a point in them, but this? Overkill.

So, now onto the main plot.

Mystery solved, it was the mother all along. Anne's initial hunch was correct.

Common sense tells one that John Douglas didn't need to honour the promise he made to his mother--at least the promise about not telling anyone about it--but then, well, narcissistic abuse is a bitch, isn't it? John may have thought that something horrible would happen if he broke her promise. It occurred to me that he could have just left and got his own place, or even go west to make money, as some did in that time. But he couldn't, of course, bc that would be abandoning his mother, which to him would seem like an irredeemable sin. We didn't get any background details on the family, but she must be a widow, and she must have been one for a long time, before that fatal attack that made the doctor give her 6 months (who is not responsible for Mrs Douglas's appalling conduct, yet shares some blame). So it was only her and John in the house. In fact, I'd argue that Mr Douglas died when John was little. This does NOT excuse her behaviour, I stress, not at all, but it might explain John's attachment to her. Maybe she made a big show of grief when her husband died. It would fit her character. I'd even go as far as speculating that she was not as ill as she pretended to be. Take note of Alec Ward's comments.

I really believe old Mrs. Douglas is going to die at last, after pretending to do it for twenty years.

Other times she’d be screaming and throwing herself all over the place. This time she’s lying still and mum. When Mrs. Douglas is mum she is pretty sick, you bet.

Suggestive, isn't it? (I'll ignore the line about cats, so as not to derail my post.)

John's tortured expression was then a result of abuse. I wonder how Janet never noticed it? I suppose she was too close, Anne would see it more clearly as a pair of fresh eyes.

I could say that he didn't have to string Janet along all those years. But then he couldn't have known how long his mother was going to last, he could have believed she'd die at any moment. And I wouldn't put it past her to feign an attack every time he spent more time with Janet. I still think that he could have found a way to let her know. Mother made him promise not to tell anyone--could he have written it instead and sent as a letter? Start a journal in which he would pour all this out--and then 'accidentally' leave it at Wayside? Give her at least a resemblance of a hint on their way home from prayer meetings?

I wonder why nobody thought something was off. He was seeing Janet for two decades. Malicious gossipers believed she wouldn't marry him bc she didn't want to be a carer to his mother. But it was true, why would he continue seeing her, would he not dump her and look for someone else who would be happy to wait on Mrs Douglas? Valley Road is evidently not a very intelligent place.

So that would be it for John. As for Janet, I don't understand her attitude in this at all. I get the feeling of relief after learning the truth, but I vehemently disagree with the 'don't speak ill of the dead' philosophy. So it's okay to speak ill of the living? In Windy Poplars, a character asks Anne if it is wrong to speak ill of the dead and Anne says it's unfair bc they can't defend themselves. But how many of the living really get a chance to defend themselves? Half of LMM's work is about gossiping. Evil gossip can ruin lives (and LMM experienced some of that, according to Gift of Wings). People will not say it to your face, they will say it behind your back. How do you defend yourself against that? And if you say anything, they will just twist it all and use it against you.

I think I'm the only one here who is over 40, and no doubt you want to know about the forgiveness bit. Look, I say that forgiveness is a personal choice. Nobody is obliged to forgive anyone who did them wrong. I think it is good for one's mental state, so that one can get closure and move on, but I see it as something that takes place in one's own mind. Not, say, a big dramatic "I forgive you" gesture. Also, it is possible to forgive a person and not want to have anything more to do with them. Example: you forgive your abusive parent, but you will cut contact and never see them or talk to them again.

“You’ll feel differently about a good many things when you get to be my age,” said Janet tolerantly.

Sure you will, that's normal. But it doesn't mean that you have to be taken for a clown! I mean, look at the consequences of it all: thanks to his mother's narcissistic behaviour, Janet and John missed out on twenty years of life together and by now Janet is past child-bearing years.

Anyway, none of this has anything to do with Anne or college, but that's not to say it's not a compelling story to tell. It should have been its own story. Anne is not even necessary here, she can be replaced by any temporary teacher, or any boarder at Wayside. This is what I mean when I say that as much as AOTI is a fave, I wish it was written differently. We get more characterisation for Janet, John and Mrs Douglas then we ever get for Fred Wright (Anne's bestie's love interest) or Jonas for that matter (Anne's second bestie's love interest). They get more plot and lines than Stella (Anne's housemate and the person without whom the Patty's Place arrangement wouldn't exist). If LMM wanted to include a theme of forgiveness, she could have done it with existing characters. I mean there's a lot of it already--in the previous book, Miss Lavendar and Mr Irving reunite after many years apart, then there's Anne's own forgiving of Gilbert's carrots insult. And what of the last conversation with poor Ruby Gillis?

[mayhemlovesenvy]

(This has been in draft hell for a while now, weeks) Me yapping about an AU :3 (Merlyn is just there for vibes he doesn't have a role in the au)

First of all, just some translations of the text in the image

"AU where when Denisse dies, Vincent goes to Heikki INMEDIATLY"

Heikki doesn't even let Vincent move a meter without him.

Vin is having a mental breakdown and Heikki doesn't really help

Owynn just had their canonical event with Freddie

Denisse dies, vin has his breakdown, Owynn goes to school and fights with Freddie

Vin thinks it's a good idea to search for Heikki, he's rich and he'll help, right? Even if years passes and he may not even remember him. But he tries, he knows they have a tour with some numbers in Finland, he goes there and finds Heikki, he of course helped

Now Vincent lives in Heikki's home, and has to get used to that and Heikki existing while also grieving and dealing with the mess he left behind. But they're all too mentally ill to be normal abt it

Heikki has been obsessed with the idea of having Vincent again since they parted ways. The fact he found him so unexpectedly was like prayers being answered. But in this time period, he also hasn't fully healed from his own wounds, and having to deal with one of them now (Vincent), makes him act unwise. While he gives all he can to help and tries to say the best things he can, he also has a famous singer career to take care of, and a case of self-obsession

He doesn't want Vincent to do anything, just "rest", but Vin doesn't feel rested by rotting with his thoughts. But he really has nothing to do but take care of Owynn, since there's maids that clean the house and make food

I'll start by talking abt Vin's hair bc I have no idea what to say, ehem. Since Heikki does provide for the bestest of things, one of those things is nice hair products, a fancy way to say that Vincent finally washes his hair often. But is too depressed to re-dye, so wavy brown-ish hair for now 🔥🔥

Drawing him with similar clothes to the one he used in his HS time was on purpose, Heikki subconsciously picked those clothes and Vin, once again, too depressed to notice or care, at least he looks nice

And that's all I had in the draft and I don't remember what else I wanted to add, really, so, errrrmmmm

Once Vincent gets more comfortable he picks clothes he actually likes, his style is very whimsy goth, not that anyone would realize because I never got the chance to draw him THAT trauma-less LOL, maybe soon! But yeah, under all his puppy sadness there's a whimsy happy guy that I love and adore

Welp, they eventually get better, good enough to marry!

This is like, epic bc Heikki didn't want to pressure marriage into Vin (unlike some 😒), and Vincent himself wasn't sure if he could stomach it, even if the only difference was going to be a ring

Yasss, back-less because Heikki likes to show off Vincent's back, most of his outfits when they go together to an event show off the back bc what the hell, sure

Heikki is in white because my heart wanted it that way, they both have lighting designs in their suits, and they're also wearing Heikki's blue :3

Talking about Owynn---- they grew to be... a little bit more normal, living away from Freddie, less paranoia of finding him again, their dad going to therapy means he's not too afraid of taking them to therapy as well, so their problems were identified earlier and everything was under control before getting worse! <3

[rueclfer]

my hair wash day is every wednesday and sunday followed by my curl routine which is just leave in conditioner and air drying, i own 17 pairs of shoes but only wear 2 pairs unless i feel like being cool for a day, i own more sweaters than t-shirts, i only buy physical copies of books if its poetry or if its an actual good book, the right speaker in my car doesn’t work so all it does is shake the car if the song has bass, i have a favorite sweater that i wear 24/7 and its blue and says alaska on it, i don’t like celery and just recently started liking cucumber again, cilantro is gross and not because it tastes like soap i just don’t like the taste, i can only sleep in the fetal position and my feet have to be wrapped in the blanket bc if my feet are cold then my whole body is cold, my bed frame has been broken for 2 years and i get made fun of every sleepover, i hate texting and i hate phone calls but ill tolerate it for certain people, i collect cute erasers, i love clinique black honey and wear it every day, i don’t like panda express, my fan stays on 24/7, im a shit driver and hit a curb with every turn, my fave scent is peony and honey, i prefer seafood to any meat, and i love you

to know you so intimately is a gift that i value everyday and if there was only one thing in this world worth living for, it's the chance to know you more and more and more and more

[strryhaze]

Omg that letter Caroline sent to senators about RFK Jr? 👀👀👀👀 she hates his ass. Good for her.

i may or may not have teared up a little. that was such a powerful letter. i watched the video which was also incredibly impactful.

we’ll get to the more pressing issues caroline wrote in the letter but the part where she said that rfk jr. used to show off how he put chickens and baby mice through a fucking blender Hello ? that man is a straight-up sociopath. i mean we knew and it does check but still…

“it’s no surprise that he keeps birds of prey because he himself is a predator” probably the most powerful line objectively. i think my jaw actually did drop. she caught him dead to rights! a predator every which way.

“i watched his younger brothers and cousins follow him down the path of drug addiction … through his own strength and the many second chances given by people who felt sorry for the boy who had lost his father, bobby was able to pull himself out of illness and disease. i admire the discipline that took and the continuing commitment it requires … but siblings and cousins who bobby encouraged down the path of substance abuse suffered addiction, illness; and death while bobby has gone on to misrepresent, lie, and cheat his way through life.” she didn’t have to say his name but i immediately thought of david and how he used to say that people often looked at him as the black sheep and the reason for bobby jr.’s struggles when it was bobby himself who pushed him to take drugs soon after their father’s death. and not only him but like caroline mentions plenty of “siblings and cousins,” which then had so many terrible ripple effects on the entire family; caroline herself, along with sydney lawford, were the ones who found david after he overdosed. and what she wrote has a lot to do with how bobby jr. operates. he brings people down a destructive path with him but then mid-journey hops right out to save himself and leaves everyone else in the dark without a care for the consequences they have to suffer now because of him. he takes zero responsibility. he does not care. he has never had to take accountability for his actions. and those qualities should never be found or tolerated in a leader.

“wasn’t easy to remain silent last year when bobby expropriated my father’s image and distorted [his] legacy to advance his own failed presidential campaign — and then groveled to donald trump for a job. bobby continues to grandstand off of my father’s assassination, and that of his own father.” cue the applause. like we all remember the jfk 1960 presidential campaign ad that rfk jr. reused for the super bowl… where he plastered his own face on top of jfk’s… like he’s just so odd. again, bobby does not care how his own actions cause other people, even those close or once close to him, pain. like i can only imagine how hurt and angry caroline must have felt, who has never once said a thing about rfk in public because she knows that that honor belongs to his children, to see how rfk jr. wielded and twisted her father’s legacy and assassination for his own gain only to then “grovel” to donald trump after he failed, while STILL stepping on jack and bobby to prop himself up within the MAGA world. just absolutely disgusting. and i’m so glad that caroline mentioned rfk bc his legacy has also been distorted by his own damn son!

the most significant line to me is “unlike bobby, i try not to speak for my father — but i am certain that he and my uncle bobby, who gave their lives in public service, and my uncle teddy, who devoted his senate career to improving health care, would be disgusted.” her what? her FATHER. her uncle what? her uncle BOBBY and TEDDY. anyway, yes they would and this coming from caroline is so, so powerful. will it make a difference? at this point, who knows. but the takeaway here is that she made a stand for jfk & rfk, who aren’t here to make a stand for themselves, and for her family and country, and that warrants so much respect and admiration. she said it herself, it’s not an easy thing to be doing but she did it anyway because it’s the right thing to do. it reminds me of something i heard… a while ago? but not too long ago? something something about doing things not because they are easy but because they are hard? hm. yeah she’s her father’s daughter to a T and it’s something rfk jr. could never understand!

also i think this is the first time she’s ever called bobby her uncle in public as an adult and i’m crying. but like. at what cost.

anyway, caroline kennedy, thank you!

[oetscop]

hey! absolutely love your art and your rainer interpretation- can you talk about your headcanons lore-wise involving rainer and mike? honestly you can talk about more than just those two as well i'm very curious about your interpretations honestly.

YOOO I LOVE UR RAINER ALSO thank u.....

this will hopefully not be complete word salad. bc my brains fried already, but my views on petscop characters are esoteric and best and downright incomprehensible at worst. so idk how legible this will be JDKSHSKSBSK

uhh ill start with like. jill is significantly older than anna and lina. rainers actually fairly close in age to anna.

rainers biological dad isnt in the picture and actually went missing a few years after him and jill divorced. it runs in the family i guess. but since tom was there longer hes only ever called him dad, and both jill and him took the last name hammond when they got married. and mike was actually an accident! a welcome one tho. jill and tom were in their 40s and rainer was like 16 or so.

they were very close tho! he was very close with his immediate family. for the brief time he was in college he still lived at home despite the commute.

mike would sit and watch him work on the game all the time. he wanted him to teach him how to code (thats why he created the "petscop kids" after school program! at first anyway...) but 5-6 year olds dont exactly have the attention span for explaining how the dev kit console works. unless theyre belle i guess. but he did get into art! and considering rainers also an artist he encouraged it. mike would sometimes draw his own pets to be put in the game, but since it never went past evencare they never showed up. he did sorta base toneth on mike, and that was before he based any of the other pets on other family members.

mike went missing shortly after rainers mental health was declining. he ran away after some argument with his mom, and nobody remembers what the argument was even about. since this was after marvin hit the dog with the car, and he was beginning to experience psychosis, he immediately made the connection and believed marvin had something to do with it. the cops found it a little suspicious that rainer somehow just knew he had been struck by a car, and he was the only suspect for quite a while. tom had to vouch for him pretty hard and get him a lawyer.

as for vaguer things. the newmaker plane was started in an attempt to find out where mike wouldve run to. he was already recording movements in game, so he put all of mikes in game behaviors into a to scale version of their town, trying to train it to show him where he couldve gone. this obviously didnt work. didnt help that it was completely flat terrain and like had only their house, the marks house, the school and like a couple roads. it actually lead him to the opposite side of the town than where his body was located.

marvin is ALSO severely mentally ill and was convinced that care was lina reborn before any of this happened. obviously anna didnt believe that since shes still. yknow. alive. but rainer introduced the A/B/NLM concept to him, and they both began to believe care was just lina A reborn. pre traumatic event lina. they were both trying to see if they could somehow force something like that to occur, in an attempt to bring mike A back. when belle didnt work, they figured she was too old, so they moved to care. part of this whole "changing your past" thing involved plucking out her eyebrows (lina A had trich) and essentially trying to reenact aforementioned traumatic event. thats why marvin kidnapped her to keep her in the school. and it didnt work! just traumatized the fuck outta the kid. they never had the chance to do anything to "bring mike back" by the end of it, which lead to Bathroom Tomb Event. however, last belle heard, he was pretty certain paul was actually mike A. she tried her best to keep that from paul before they became distant.

i feel like the core of a lot of this is that i really dont believe that the rebirthing process does anything at all. with enough manipulation you may start developing false memories, sure, but its not actually working. in retrospect it makes rainers character a lot sadder. just a terrified kid trying in vain to bring his baby brother back. its not easy losing someone so young in such a horrible way without knowing who took his life.

BUT UUHHH YEAH ^}^ can you tell ive been thinking abt petscop pretty much nonstop since the end of 2022 i bet you cant

[tadpal]

tagged by @abrahamvanhelsings !! thank you!

last song: Hong Kong Cemetery by Johnny Flynn. it's got a dreary sort of melancholy which has suited me well recently! and a rolling motion to it which matched the long train i was recently on. and i love a chant and the slurred out of time "I'm alright!" in this one is particularly moving to me.

last book: currently im getting through wolf hall, but i am falling victim to the slowing as i approach the end now. last four chapters! last book i finished.... well it's difficult to say bc ive mostly been chapter reading essays in this last year. probably We Have Always Lived In The Castle back in october. good read 👍

last movie: captain fantastic . a great way for me personally to ruin my own day. eerily similar to the way i was raised. makes me feel like im in a meat grinder

last television show: love alarm! honestly unless the premise starts kicking in im going to dnf and after only one ep too..... it's just like. you have this premise of a love alarm which im happy to buy into but then having your main characters all choose to opt out? ok so what was the point of all the love alarm then. im also supremely tired of love triangles rn. possibly ill pick this up next time i want to watch something fluffy but we'll see.

sweet/savoury/spicy: sour or vinegary or salty which I guess is typically savoury but like. it's also different bc it can be sweet or spicy or combined and the constant is the sour or tangy tastes

relationship status: single!

last thing i looked up on the internet: point and shoot film cameras. im hoping to (and it seems likely that i will) travel more in the new year and id like to not take pictures on my phone especially considering when im travelling alone taking digital photos feels weirdly sterile and empty in a way that my solo film pictures don't?

current obsession: wolf hall but also! the early modern age! that was just a fun coincidence that they're bonking heads so near

looking forward to: going down south! im so rarely down there but it looks like im going to have many opportunities! especially if i get a chance to meet up with friends who are more southern than i am!! epic!!

tagging: @duskodair @hollowslantern @silvermagpies @courtjester69420 and @courtjester42069

[rowrowknowa]

guidelines

---General Rules

✮ this blog contains some NSFW content; i'll always try my best to tag all warnings appropriately

✮ MDNI, non-negotiable. i won't interact with ageless or take requests from ageless blogs. don't follow me, don't send asks, stay outta grown folks business!! ✮ i don't take requests for minors (obviously), even SFW asks if they're romantic in nature

✮ black bi, i dont tolerate any type of racism, colorism, ableism, fatphobia, zionism, homo/queer/transphobia -- i want a space of inclusiveness and i will check you

✮ i currently am taking requests! but to keep it real theres no guarantees so dont be offended if i dont do yours

✮ i take spoilers VERY seriously and VERY personally for myself and others im so serious so please pay attention to where i am in a given work (anime only) and try not to give anything away pls (if ur not sure ask)

---General Writing

✮ what i write for at any given moment will depend on what my current fixation is

✮ ill always write for one piece (anime and live action). currently taking requests for FE3H and JJK as well - if you have a request for me to write for something outside of these feel free to suggest

✮ im a reader insert lover im so sorry so majority of my works will be in the second person. only rarely will i have an OC and thats likely for longer works

✮ all works will likely default to member x cis f!reader because thats the POV im most familiar with (i.e. i tend to write myself as a placeholder), but don't take that to mean i won't write any other reader inserts. i'm open to writing with a reader insert of any gender / any genitalia so please request it! and leave feedback and critique so i can improve on writing in those POV

---NSFW writing

✮ i dont do scat, (watersports is a maybe...if you're convincing enough), dont do abo, dont do raceplay, dont do ageplay, no extremely dark content/kinks/themes, dont do gore, not a fan of "daddy"

✮ a separate bullet because this one is important bc its popular: i won't do size kinks that center/elevate petite/skinny frames. ive seen so many works that write them in a way thats bigger/taller/larger body exclusive and bordering fatphobic/heightist.. i dont want people who are already marginalized to feel even further marginalized. if you wanna read that go find another work.

✮ i do write for a variety of kinks. the inclusion/exclusion criteria here isnt exhaustive if you're not sure, ask.

✮ i don't write characterxcharacter usually but im a slut for a good threesome with it peppered in. i won't write a poly relationship mostly because i know my strengths and weaknesses and i promise you wont want to read my attempt at that

---Requests!

✮ requests are welcome!

✮ headcanons, A-Z, MTLs, reactions, and scenarios are more likely to be fulfilled because they're less intensive to me, fun and quick!

✮ when sending an ask, please be specific! give mama (me) something to work with. feel free to try and make it interesting, give me ideas to bounce off of, send your thoughts/fantasies/etc

✮ i will take one shot requests but the longer, more complex it is the longer it'll take/lower chance it is i'll do it if it's not speaking to me

✮ i'm my own biggest critic so if i feel like i don't like what i write i won't post it

✮ i do work a full time big girl job so be patient and don't be offended if i don't get to your ask

[plague-of-insomnia]

I know it's for the AU, but what about the 1920s intrigues you so? Do you have a favorite time period?

Uh, I think aesthetically, my fave time period is 1920s, 1940s, and 1980s… I actually would love to write an AU for each, eventually.

The 1920s one just came about bc I was thinking about flappers one day I think and how androgynous that look was, and how there were a lot of underground clubs bc of prohibition, and how Sebastian would make a great crossdresser in this period, how he could probably pass… I also picked that period for this AU bc he had polio as a child, so setting things too much later than the 1920s and that wouldn’t make sense anymore. And his having and nearly dying from it as a very young child is an essential element of his story.

It also allows me to explore how difficult being queer was in this period of time, and also the racism of the period. Agni, although he is a doctor, is spurned by the white people for being “colored,” so he can only treat the folk that have no one else to go to. I wanted to explore the risk Seb is taking by living with two men in a period when that was illegal, not to mention dangerous… Same with crossdressing. But I feel like this Sebastian has been close to death, he has “died” already in a sense and wants to live it up— and that was the mood of the decade bc WWI was so devastating people wanted to forget and be a bit of “play today for tomorrow you may die.” This period also gives me the chance to have Bard as a vet who lost everything except his life and limbs and comes home not knowing what to do with himself, which is how he ends up working for Undertaker.

The 1940s au I would love to do but will never happen would be a noir one where Seb and Bard are private eyes. I think I imagined Bard was a vet but Seb wasn’t able to fight due to mental illness, and bc there weren’t any treatments (like we know them today) then, he has to manage on his own (and doesn’t always do so so well). I just love the image of Bard in 1940s clothes… and long-haired Seb would rock some of the (feminine) hairstyles of the period.

The 1980s AU i have in mind that probably also won’t ever happen is a punk vampire AU. It was inspired by the idea of Seb being an old vampire who uses his (human) friend Agni’s nightclub as his hunting ground… he’s used to easily seducing his prey but when he tries to work his magic on Bard he fails epically… and he does not handle that well and becomes obsessed with Bard…. anyway I think kuro needs a lot more vampire AUs and this is such a fun period of time, and if I wanted I could get into the beginning of the AIDS panic… but anyway, like I said, probably won’t see the light of day….

Anyway, I’ve been reblogging a lot of 1920s art and fashion so I can keep it fresh in my mind or come find it later for inspo or reference. Because Sebastian may not be rich by far but he does have a rep to maintain as Ruby, and I think has an eye for fashion. I think maybe he makes a lot of his clothes himself that he wears on a daily basis to save money, using magazines as reference, and only splurges on Ruby.

[yourpixieandbuddy]

oh god oh god another 30 something returning to tumblr after a decade oh god

an introduction post

hi hello my name is pixie aka pix. i’m a career writer, former new englander, multimedia artist, photography nerd, and at times resident internet mom (irl a mom to a preteen cooler than anyone i’ve ever met). last year i packed up a bag for myself and my son and moved to new jersey while my fiancé and his band were on tour and we started our lives over.

this blog is my second chance at life but featured just on a tiny corner of the internet. i am hoping to have an outlet to share these very bizarre adventures i’ve been finding myself on, document the art that i am trying to create after a year hiatus, talk about ptsd/autism/chronic illness, and just like…idk exist again without feeling bad about that? make an internet friend or two, feel like me? write a few reviews, share some introspection no one asked for, confess the dumb things i’ve done, be better than i was.

lets be mutuals bc im tired of only socializing at my fiancés merch table.

ily ig bye, enjoy these pics of me/my art

[dianaladrislovebot]

hi :D I'm completely on board with this au, very excited to see what you do. don't suppose you want to share more about your ocs? /nf

YES GOD I WOULD LOVE TO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING i’ve never had an excuse to talk about them before so ill lump my other ones in here too for good measure. obviously these will be in the context of the actual book series but they will be adapted to fit the twitter au just like everyone else :)

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, my babies

victoria ‘tori’ weismann

victoria, who goes by tori, is coates resident goth kid in the grade below caine, drake etc, complete w drawing on her shoes, decorating her uniform w safety pins and being generally creepy. most of coates thinks she’s a witch of some kind and she does nothing to refute said rumours. she doesn’t talk much, and when she does it’s very soft spoken and very cryptic. she has an off putting vibe and many unsettling things to say but despite how calm and stoic she portrays herself, she’s actually quite mischievous and enjoys freaking people out. she has the power to see ghosts, due to her affinity for death and her obsession of it pre-fayz, which is why she’s at coates. it starts to deteriorate her mental state during the fayz however as nobody believes her or understands what she’s talking about and she realises death isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, so she lives alone in the apartment buildings where everyone is content to leave her alone, except quinn of course, because he’s quinn. he attempts to encourage her to get out of shell, accidentally forming a friendship (and later a relationship) in the process (which he is more than happy about while tori remains hesitant)

charlotte ‘lottie’ mcdaniels

in all of her surfer girl glory, lottie is the best friend of sam and quinn that completes their little trio (bc those boys NEED a girl around desperately they’re completely hopeless). a perdido beach native, she’s the one who introduces both sam and quinn to the water, something none of them ever grew out of. come the fayz, her friendly exterior, complete w her curly golden locks, freckles and warm inviting brown eyes, starts to harden when the climate begins to shift, and when she gets fatally shot during the grocery store heist, her outlook is affected forever. she becomes much more shut off, preferring not to engage w people and when she does, what she has to say usually isn’t nice. she keeps a low profile for most of the fayz due to her injury and the need to recover (in which she moves in to clifftop w lana, wherein they become close which is 👀 a whole other story), but after the big split stays in town to make sure her best friends evil twin doesn’t further destroy the town she grew up in. this inadvertently creates a bond between her and my favourite random background character, frederico, who has come back to work for his former king.

caroline baxter

quite the book nerd, caroline is often underestimated by majority of the people around her due to how soft and girlish she appears, but you are mistaken if you think she’s incapable of holding her own. this is something dekka learns, when they migrate to the lake and she runs into her by chance. dekkas still attempting to get over brianna after confessing to her while on the brush of death, and caroline is more than happy to be of assistance. the two grow close, eventually beginning a relationship in secret much like edilio and roger. caroline has a very large book collection, she enjoys pink and being girly and has a large collection of jewellery, shoes and perfumes. despite being perceived as ditzy, she’s much smarter than she looks, which comes in handy when they realise they don’t have much help now that astrid is gone.

arabella ‘belly’ soren

if the name sounds familiar, it’s because it is. the cousin of everyone’s favourite monarch, arabella, who will only respond to belly, is the daughter (biological, wink) of caine soren’s uncle (in my head their family is belly’s dad as the oldest, grace, the coates headmistress as the middle child and caine’s father as the youngest), and is a very confusing individual. on the outside, she seems very hyper and outgoing and friendly, which isn’t always a good thing when you attend coates academy, but on the inside she’s much more gruff. having been sent to the aforementioned boarding school due to her affinity for mechanics and robotics, which her family doesn’t see as an appropriate hobby for a girl and is hoping to ‘straighten her out’, she serves as caine’s ‘building man’, much like jack is his tech man. despite her estranged relationship w her cousin in which they both pretend isn’t there, she goes w him down to perdido at the beginning of the fayz, but soon defects from him after watching him attempt to fatally harm sam. fearing her life in drakes hands now due to her disloyalty, she joins sam on their journey to find astrid and is nearly plastered alongside them. she spends the rest of the fayz quite close to sam, bc despite having no blood related family ties, the two still feel like they have a connection through caine.

i’ve been sitting on these for quite a while now and have had nothing to do w them and no reason to talk about them but i’d love to do so more if anyone would like me to !!!

[yuechihua]

Hiya liya!! I hope you don't get annoyed with me coming in your ask box but I really like hearing your opinion on certain scenarios!!! Here's one that has been vibrating in my mind for a while, let's say harumasa somehow gets cured! Hurray! I imagine he'd be bouncing off the walls, he'd probably tackle you in a hug, pick you up and spin you around a little y'know happy days. Here's the kicker though, nothing comes without its price, the reader was the one to find a way to transfer that illness to themselves. Oh the tragedy! Watching harumasa celebrate while you bear the knowledge that you are going to die in his place and if your plan succeeds well enough, in the place of all those who suffer from the same illness. The reader probably wouldn't inform him, instead maybe they'd frame their death as just a tragic accident, all in the hope that he gets to remain happy and not feel a sort of survivors guilt(?). OH and then maybe a few years in the future he finds papers while going through our belongings and the truth just slowly spills out as he reads... and JUST UGH Im getting carried away sorry for such a long block of text.. thank you for your writing it's genuinely phenomenal <3

Hi anon!!! I totally don't mind you coming into my inbox lol bc I love chatting with people and talking about Harumasa, so this allows me to do both at once <3 Thank you for enjoying my writing!!!

So I love the monkey paw-esque set-up of Harumasa being cured in exchange for losing you, just because I think he would feel immense guilt from it. Like he wouldn't be able to live his life freely because he would carry this knowledge with him, especially if he only learns about the truth after you're gone <3 It would haunt him forever and ever fr.

Also, I did make this joke in a previous ask but I'll make it again: if you ever turned into an Ethereal, accident or not, Harumasa is looking up a "how to get corrupted in a Hollow five second speedrun" guide asap lmfaooo. He does not get attached easily so once he does, he's in it for life (and death) <3

I do think with how cunning Harumasa can be, and because he's lived with his illness for so long, and I assume the two of you are close, then he's going to pick up on signs that you're acting oddly, whether it's emotionally (from the turmoil of having to carry this illness) or physically (he will know and recognize the signs of his own illness). So I think he would start digging into why you're acting so strangely, especially if you're actively hiding it from him and won't tell him.

This would most likely lead to a dramatic confrontation because I think he would be sooo mad that you (1) took on this illness, (2) you're dying in his place, and (3) he has to deal with losing you after believing he finally has a chance of a normal life!!! He would feel so betrayed, because he doesn't want happiness at your expense, and it wouldn't be worth it without you, and you made this decision without telling him!! He's definitelyyy trying to figure out if he can reverse whatever you did, feeling conflicted over your actions, and wanting to ensure you're okay and you won't leave him too soon.

But, assuming you're able to hide it from him and to frame it as an accident without him suspecting a thing, the truth will devastate him!!! It's like Harumasa's losing you all over again bc I know your death the first time was incredibly painful, and something he never really got over!!! This time, he can't even confront you over it, so he has to deal with the fallout all on his own. This will cast a shadow over his life until the end, and he definitely can't continue as happily and cluelessly as he did before...

[asterssunzephyr]

Hear me out

hs au where the esmp s1 gang are all graduating (s2 is college!!) but Shelby left right after Graduation to go home and see her parents and Katherine asks if anyone saw them (all my aus have he/she/they prns c!Shelby)

And theyre all in a gc but only the twins brought their phones to graduation (bc its the twins) and their gc gets a text from Shelby

Shubble: Ill see you guys again!! I dont know when, since im going to a college for magic but hopefully when we all graduate:)

And the Twins share a look and then everyones RUSHING to Scott's limo, and saying goodbye to their parents so they can make Nature Wives happen

And Kat's panicking because do we even know what flight he's on?!

but they get to the airport, everyone in formal wear or still in their cap & gowns, and they're rushing through to get to Shelby's gate right as the second to final call for the flight is made

and they see Shelby in line and Scott yells out to stop them, and Shelby turns their head to see the other 11 (and maybe Xornoth bc he drove, he wanted to see nw happen) running towards the gate

and Shelby has to make the choice between staying or going and he looks at Katherine who looks so panicked and out of hope and she steps out of the line for boarding, asking for a flight delay of 10 minutes, please thats all I need. Make it quick kid, Flight takes off in 5.

And so Shelby runs towards the group and rather than having the chance to say anything, Katherine kisses her and everyone pauses because oh my god did Kat really do that

and Shelbys surprised and then theres the final call and Shelby asks if they can make something work out, wether it be long distance relationship or waiting four years for each other and Kat takes the long distance option because shes already waited four years to kiss Shelby, she doesnt think she can wait another four to do it again & they'll have holidays & breaks to see each other

And then Shelby runs to the gate to board the plane, waving bye to everyone with a huge fucking smile on their face and everyone else is waving and yelling bye back, and as soon as Shelbys out of side, Katherine almost passes out (but Pearl catches her!!) and everyone else is hyping her up

and then the graduation days for Shelbys college & the others colleges are a separate date, so they all get to make it to their own graduation and Shelbys, and vice versa for Shelby

and IF THERES A S3, which has been hinted at kinda by Fwhip?, then s3 would be their lives as adults and nw living together:)