#this wasn't supposed to get as long as it did but you know me 🤪

[saturdays--sun]

no word tender enough (to be your name)

↳ ship: dancing in the dark (inigo) ↳ content: ~3.5k words. very minor spoilers for awakening and fates if you squint. two references to gaius. set sometime during fates, but the specific route is irrelevant. intentionally lowercase. i read the inigo/owain A support in fates and became irreversibly unwell, so i wrote this (and became even more unwell)

"it's dangerous to be out here on your own, you know."

blinking at the sound — at the sudden, familiar voice that reached her ears in the otherwise quiet darkness — koda pulled her gaze from its spot on the distant horizon, her head turning just enough to look over her shoulder. a smile — soft and gentle; the kind that almost made her heart skip a beat — was pointed down at her, its owner stepping easily around the spot she had found in the grass to take a seat beside her.

"...maybe." she wouldn't have been out here, at the furthest edge of the army's camp, if she had truly worried about being attacked — but she was sure he knew that. a tiny breath — somewhere between a short huff and a half scoff — escaped the back of her throat, her eyebrows furrowing slightly as she looked at the figure next to her. "...is this going to segue into some line about how you can be my knight in shining armor or something?"

inigo let out a soft laugh, the sound sending an uncomfortable pang through her chest. "i hadn't planned on it." hints of sheepishness slipped into his features; the smile he wore turned the slightest bit apprehensive. "i can't imagine you'd like me implying you need to be protected."

protected.

the word echoed off the walls of her skull; shook loose a memory she had locked away — buried in the depths of her heart where it couldn't reach her; where it couldn't haunt her. now, it filled her mind against her will — a dark alley; undead monsters trapping her against cold brick; the realization that she was going to die; a flash of steel in the dim moonlight; a lollipop being nudged into her still-shaking hands.

"you okay?"

a voice — his voice.

koda forced the memory away before it could take root too deeply.

before it could conjure his face behind her eyelids next.

unconsciously, as if by habit, koda's knees pulled themselves up to her chest, her arms wrapping around her legs and her chin leaning down to rest on them. "...i wouldn't mind." the words came out mumbled; muffled by the way her mouth was pressing into the fabric of her sleeve. "...being protected, i mean."

"oh? well, then, in that case—"

in an instant, green eyes shot sideways in a glare, the look in them silencing whatever asinine line he had started to say before her voice even had a chance to cut it off. "don't start with me, laslow."

whatever reaction she had been expecting — some flippant, unbothered laugh; some line about how you didn't even let me finish, buttercup; some compliment she always tried to take with a grain of salt; something normal — never came. instead, inigo's face fell, previously content features shifting in a way that was just short of a grimace — like she had said something particularly hurtful to him; like it had struck him so deeply that his expression faltered before he could mask the emotions hidden beneath it.

...huh?

an uncharacteristic stab of guilt shot through koda's heart and down into the pit of her stomach; filled her body with a nauseating anxiety that she had somehow upset him; that her usual response — the one she had long since thought he was used to — had hit some nerve she hadn't intended to hit. "...hey, what's wrong?" the bite that had been in her voice had vanished, leaving behind only hesitation and soft undertones of concern. slowly, her arms uncoiled from around her legs, spine straightening itself back out and her hands pressing softly into the grass beneath her. "i'm... sorry, i didn't mean to make you upset or—"

"huh?" as if her voice had brought him back to reality, inigo blinked at her — once, then twice, something almost like confusion flickering through his eyes — before giving her another smile and a gentle, dismissive wave of his hand. "oh, it's fine, darling. you didn't upset me."

she would have believed him had his smile reached his eyes.

you're lying.

koda's eyes narrowed slightly as the thought — the realization — flashed through her mind, her eyebrows furrowing together in a sickening mixture of frustration and worry. teeth bit gently at her lip; and when they let go, her mouth opened only to close again as inigo looked away from her — down into the small space between them; down to where his hand had fallen, just inches away from her own. the fragile mask he had put on had fallen again — faded just as quickly as it had come; slipped into a strange in-between melancholy that didn't suit him.

"it just surprised me, is all." his voice sounded distant when he spoke again — as if his thoughts were somewhere else; somewhere far beyond her and the small patch of grass they were sitting on — and when he lifted his head back up to meet her eyes once more, the smile he wore was less convincing than the last. "i'm not used to hearing you call me by that name."

"really?" the question came out before koda had a chance to think about it, her features softening into an expression laced with subtle hints of confusion. even if she hadn't called him it directly before — and she was sure she had; at the very least, she'd referred to him by it in conversation — he had been in this world — gone by that name — far longer than she had. surely the strangeness had worn off by now, right?

and yet, when inigo laughed — breathy and light; little more than an airy chuckle — it came out sheepish, his eyebrows pulling together and raising up, disappearing partly beneath his bangs. "it's not strange for you?" her question was met with a question; an answer, and not one at all. "being called by a name that's not your own?"

koda's head tilted slightly, a momentary pause following his voice before she gave a small shrug and turned her gaze back to the treeline she had been staring at before. "...not really." maybe at first, there had been a period of time where the alias she had adopted sounded foreign to her, but there had been no deeper meaning behind it than it simply being different — all things considered, a new name was one of the easier things she'd had to adjust to. "i don't really care."

"not at all?"

"nah." from the darkened trees in the distance, her eyes shifted up — to the night sky; to the thousands of stars that littered it; to the moon that shone steadily down on them. "it's just a name, y'know? regardless of what someone calls me, it doesn't change anything about me."

the word lioncub floated up from some distant corner of her mind.

she buried it alongside the memory from before.

in an effort to keep them both at bay — to keep them from allowing more memories she wasn't prepared to face overtake her thoughts; to plunge her heart into depths she had just barely managed to pull it out of before — koda glanced sideways again, her eyes landing on the side of inigo's face while his were fixed downward. hints of concern floated around her irises again; that same concern slipped into her voice when her mouth opened again.

"...why? does it bother you?"

from where she sat, partially leaned over to get whatever glimpse of his face that she could, she watched his eyes blink again — like he'd been startled by the sound of her voice; like he had gotten lost in his thoughts again. another uncomfortable laugh left his lips — and when he lifted his head up, his gaze avoided hers; darted back and forth between her and some other spot in the distance. "no, it doesn't." another wave of his hand; instead of going back to the ground, it wound up in his hair, fingers toying with the strands that hung in front of his face. "i just wanted to make sure i wasn't calling you something you didn't like. i'd hate to upset you, buttercup."

the smile he offered her never reached his eyes.

when she noticed it this time, something in the back of koda's mind clicked into place.

ah. that's what it is.

"...you're still a terrible liar, inigo."

all at once, his expression shifted — the distant melancholy that had once lined his features suddenly gave way to stunned surprise, brown eyes growing wide and his mouth falling open as he stared at her. in the darkness, she just barely caught the way his shoulders grew rigid; the way the fingers in his hair stopped abruptly and the hand on the ground next to hers tensed against the grass.

the change was so immediate — so violent — she almost laughed at it; in a different circumstance, she probably would have.

"w-what did you just...?"

but in this one, all she did was smile.

"you wanted to hear your real name again, didn't you, inigo?"

saying it again — saying his name — made the surprise on his face melt into embarrassment; painted his cheeks a shade of red so dark it was visible even in the dim lighting of the moon. his eyelids fluttered rapidly; and before his gaze darted quickly away from hers, koda caught a glimpse of the overwhelmingly flustered look that had flooded the color of his eyes.

...cute.

"i-i—" as if his tongue had tied itself in knots, inigo's voice came out in a stutter; little more than sounds attempting to become words in his mouth. "how..." he looked at her again, but only for a moment — the moment their eyes met, his pointed themselves elsewhere. "how did you...?"

koda let out a soft breath — a huff of air that was meant to sound amused but came out sounding far more endeared instead. "like i said, you're a shitty liar." the small smile playing on her lips grew — just a fraction; just enough that she could feel it — the amusement she felt finally flickering through her irises. "plus, we've known each other forever at this point. you're not that hard for me to read."

the soft sigh inigo let out ended in a faint chuckle, his fingers running fully through his bangs before dropping back down onto the grass. "you always did have a talent for that," he breathed out, his voice soft, as if he were talking more to himself than to her; as if he were reliving some distant memory. his eyes finally drifted over to hers again — and this time, they lingered on her face despite the embarrassment still shining in them. another sheepish breath escaped him; a shy smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. "sometimes i feel like you can see right through me, buttercup."

would it be so bad if i could?

koda's mouth opened, but the question never made it much further than the forefront of her mind — some invisible force held her tongue in place; kept her from voicing something almost serious; something that would push them closer to a line they were already dangerously toeing; closer to a line she wasn't sure she was brave enough to cross.

closer to a line that would force her to admit that she—

her heart thumped roughly against her chest.

—didn't want to think about that right now.

before she had a chance to get out of her own head — before her silence became too apparent and she was forced to think of something to say back — inigo continued, his gaze leaving hers to drift down to his lap. "...you're right, though." his free hand — the one that wasn't still firmly planted on the ground beside her own — toyed aimlessly with a blade of grass. "i... was starting to miss hearing it."

he paused.

in the soft lighting, koda saw the tips of his ears turn pink.

"...especially from you."

this time, her heart stopped entirely.

an uncomfortable wave of heat crept rapidly up the back of koda's neck until it reached her face, pooling so heavily in her cheeks that she wouldn't have been surprised to find that her head had suddenly caught fire. green eyes grew wide; stared at the side of his head until they suddenly couldn't stand to look at him anymore — until they blinked rapidly and darted off somewhere else; somewhere that wasn't him; somewhere that wasn't his face or the way the pink on his ears had spread to his cheeks or the curve of his lips...

her stomach lurched so roughly it very nearly made her sick.

"...you mean that?"

her voice was soft when it slipped out of her — quiet; hardly above a whisper.

"i do."

his was even softer when he replied — as if he didn't want her to hear it; as if he were afraid she might.

the silence that followed his words was heavier than before — and when koda swallowed against the way her heart had taken to wedging itself in the back of her throat, her tongue felt thick. teeth bit softly at the inside of her cheek; her lips parted slightly and then closed once more, words lingering just inside her mouth — words she wanted to say and words she wanted to bite back; words and sentiments and feelings that were steadily tearing her heart in two, the incessant pulling causing a dull ache to form in her chest.

if she hadn't suddenly become rooted to the spot she was sitting in, she might have run away from it.

slowly — hesitantly; as if she were suddenly too scared, too nervous, to look at him anymore — koda pulled her eyes off of whatever nondescript spot on the darkened horizon they had landed, letting them flicker sideways before dropping down to her legs. the breath she sucked in was shallow; little more than a futile attempt to ease her now-unsteady heartbeat.

"...i'll call you it if you want." the words spilled off her tongue before she had a chance to think about them; and as they filled the space between them, she felt inigo's gaze drift back over to her; felt her skin prickle and grow warm under the weight of it. as much as she could manage, she turned her head back to him, her heart fluttering in her chest when their eyes met. "your real name, i mean."

i was starting to miss calling you it, too.

despite the shade of pink that still lingered on his skin, a faint smile formed on his lips, his expression softening down so much koda could almost mistake it as loving. "i'd like that." the hand pressed into the ground next to her twitched; his fingertips just barely touched hers. a soft laugh left his lips — lighter than before; more shy than before. "...but only if you let me call you yours, too."

if it could, her heart would have beat straight out of her chest.

koda's eyes flickered away again — back and forth; between his face and the distant darkness, a flustered feeling slowly engulfing her heart and filling the inside of her chest. "i..." her words stalled in her mouth; caught against her teeth before trying desperately to crawl back down her throat. like a weight, the sentiment she wanted to admit — that she had begun to miss hearing her real name, too; that she'd begun to miss hearing it in his voice — sat heavily on her tongue; made it feel like lead as she forced it to keep moving.

"i'd... like that, too." barely more than a murmur, her voice filled the space between them; and as it trailed off in a small breeze that rustled the distant trees, her gaze shyly made its way back to his. "...you... calling me that, i mean."

i miss hearing it from you, too.

the thought slipping through whatever remained of her brain's filter sent another flustered swirl to her heart and a swarm of butterflies to the pit of her stomach. suddenly unable to look at him again, koda huffed sharply and snapped her head to the side, forcing out a fumbled sentence to blanket the sincerity — the softness; the longing — of her previous one.

"b-but only when we're alone. it'd be a pain to deal with if someone overheard us."

the soft chuckle that hit her ears did little to quell the uncomfortable tension that had settled into her nerves — but it did make her heart jump. "i know." softer still, his voice dropped; and when the tone pulled koda's eyes back to him in spite of herself, that same softness was reflected in the features of his face. when her gaze met his in the darkness, the corners of inigo's mouth turned upward in a small smile and his head tilted slightly. "it'll be our little secret."

our little secret.

over and over, her brain repeated the words — over and over, until they'd all but been etched onto the inside of her skull; until her heart had skipped far more beats than she could count; until her chest had grown so warm she feared she was glowing.

until she had convinced herself that it meant as much to him as it did to her.

"...yeah," she breathed out, her cheeks growing warm and her knees habitually pulling themselves back up to her chest. wrapping her arms around them, she buried her nose into her sleeves, eyes drifting down to the toes of her shoes as a faint smile pulled at her lips. "...our little secret."

she liked the sound of it.

the silence that fell over them again was lighter this time — the heaviness that had once permeated it was replaced with something far easier to bear; something far less suffocating. a weight koda hadn't realized she'd been burdening slid off her shoulders; and as that weight faded into the night, swept away by the gentle breeze that blew between them and rustled her hair, another weight settled itself into her eyelids.

"are you getting tired?"

blinking her eyes back open — when had they fallen shut? — koda looked sideways at inigo again, eyebrows momentarily furrowing when their gazes met.

maybe she wasn't so hard for him to read, either.

the first response she gave was a hum; the second was a proper answer, the tiredness she would normally mask slipping easily into her voice. "...a little." stifling a yawn, she slowly lifted her head up from the comfortable spot it had found against her arms, half-lidded irises flickering from the dark horizon to the pair of eyes lingering on the side of her face. "...it's getting pretty late."

a look of affection flickered through inigo's face — flashed in the brown of his eyes before dissipating into something more muted. "it is," he agreed, using the hand still rooted to the space between them to push himself up straight; as he looked at her, he let out an airy chuckle. "we should head back before we're falling asleep tomorrow."

before she could respond, he had risen to his feet, one of his hands holding itself out to her.

a moment passed before the meaning behind the gesture clicked itself into place within the sleepy confines of koda's head, her eyes moving from his hand to his face and back again. in any normal situation, she would brush off the offer — tell him that she didn't need his act of chivalry; that it was better saved for some village girl that would actually fall for his charms; that they wouldn't work on her.

but in this situation, where the walls around her heart had been momentarily knocked down by the smile he was giving her, she let them.

and let her hand carefully find its way into his.

inigo pulled her up to her feet, his hand lingering on hers a moment longer than necessary — just long enough to let the warmth of his palm seep through the leather of his glove and onto her skin; just long enough for her to get used to the way their hands fit together and how his fingers felt as they wrapped around hers.

just long enough for her to wish he wouldn't let go.

but inevitably, he did; and when he did, koda awkwardly glanced away from him, her arm dropping back down to her side. "...yeah," she said after a lapse of silence, only distantly realizing that her response had come unnaturally delayed. another beat of silence; inside her chest, that same swirl of emotion had begun to engulf her heart again — in an effort to mitigate it, she turned her body from him, pointing herself in the direction of the quiet army camp.

"...i'll see you tomorrow, then."

one of her feet moved, but she never took a step — a hand wrapping gently around her wrist stopped her before she ever could.

"wait. koda."

the sound of her name — the sound of his voice saying her name — made her heart jump; made the back of her neck grow warm as she shyly turned back toward him.

he was smiling again.

this time, it reached his eyes.

"thank you."

and when she smiled back, hers did, too.

"you're welcome, inigo."

[hwaslayer]

love you in slow motion (psh) | four.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist ♡

—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.

—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 10k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, alcohol consumption, intoxication, club scene!, twerkin buns at the clurrrb 🤪, kissing/making out, quick rundown of oc's history with mingi, physical altercation, mention of small injuries/wounds (lip cut), arguments, crying, the silent treatment 💀, hints of a hookup, oc x seonghwa just being a mess per usual sorry 😫 lol

"Are you still riding with me and Joong to the club?" Seonghwa puts your call on speaker while he sits in the passenger's seat of Hongjoong's car.

"Yeah, if I can."

"Can we head over then?"

"Sure. I'm still getting ready."

"We figured." Hongjoong chuckles in the driver's seat, turning into a lot. "What do you want from Egg House?" Seonghwa inches the phone away from his face when you squeal loudly and clap.

"Double egg toast, please!"

"Okay. We'll be there in about 30 minutes or so."

"Thank you!" You hang up the call first and Seonghwa lets out a breath, slouching further in the seat.

"It's so easy to please Y/N." Hongjoong laughs, finding a spot in the opposite end the lot closest to the shop.

"Sometimes."

"San ever tell you about their dinner?"

"Not really. Y/N did. A bit. She was being kinda weird about it, actually."

"Hm." He hums, figuring if it was gonna come from someone, it would be him. "That's probably because they talked about you."

"Me?" Seonghwa furrows his brows in confusion. "What about me?" No wonder you were being so weird about the topic at the aquarium. You couldn't tell him the full story, even though Seonghwa wished you would've. It'd make things way easier.

"What do you mean 'what about you?'" Hongjoong laughs as he heads to the self-checkout area to order. "These unspoken feelings, that's what."

"What did San say?"

"He asked if you two had anything going on with each other."

"Why is that a question when there clearly isn't?"

"Mm, well.." Hongjoong's response has a drip of sarcasm that has Seonghwa

"He didn't have to do that."

"He just didn't wanna get in between anything, of course he had to." Seonghwa is silent and he's biting his tongue because even though he has a rebuttal ready to slip— he's not entirely sure why he'd be defensive and fight back about it.

Hongjoong and San were right. It's not like everyone wasn't aware. The only person who seemed to be was you.

"I don't know what Y/N said. But whatever it was.. was enough for San to just back off." 

"He shouldn't give up on her."

"Him or you?" Joong laughs. "I mean they're still going to be the same. Good friends. I don't think anything was lost. They're probably both comfortable this way, too. Maybe that's just how it's supposed to play out." Joong shrugs. Which, it isn't much of a surprise to Seonghwa when he hears this, especially when you started talking about the potential of ruining things—

♡ FLASHBACK

"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.

"Why would it ruin things between us?"

"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay. 

"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."

"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."

"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular."

♡ END

"Hate when you do that." 

"Hate when I'm right and you're wrong.. again?" Seongwa finishes plugging in his order and yours before checking out.

"I got it since you're driving today." Is all he responds before snatching the receipt.

"More gas money for me." Hongjoong snickers, plopping onto a high stool off to the side of the restaurant to wait for the food. 

"Did San say anything else to you?" Joong shrugs and shakes his head.

"Nah. But, he seems to be the same."

"Gotta talk to him." Seonghwa mainly mutters to himself. He just wants San to be okay because he didn't want this idea of you and him getting in the way [despite his feelings]. That was never his intention. But before he can fall into a rabbit hole with his thoughts, his name is being called and a bag full of food is being pushed his way. Joong is already on his way to the car, unlocking the doors to hop in and drive off to your place with a quickness— especially because he was hungry.

When they arrive at your place, they pass through the house to say their hello's to Yaya with Seonghwa handing off the extra sandwich he remembered to buy for her. She happily thanks them before waving them off, telling them that you're probably still getting ready in your suite.

"Hey!" Seonghwa knocks and yells. "Are you decent or whatever?"

"Yeah! Come in!" He hears from the other side just as he tugs on the doorknob. Walking in, he notices a few pieces of clothing scattered along your bed and couch, with you head deep into your closet.

"The hell are you doing?"

"Finding an outfit, what does it look like?" Your response is mumbled as you dig deep into the depths of your closet to find that black cotton mini skirt and a few tops. "Got it!" You hold up a bodysuit and a regular tank in the same color. "Body suit or tank?"

"How the hell are you gonna pee?" Hongjoong asks mid-chew. "Unbuttoning that coochie holder while drunk is crazy."

"You're sick, Kim Hongjoong."

"Nah, tell me. How is that gonna work?" Seonghwa silently takes out your sandwich and plops next to him on the couch.

"He's got a point. I'm not going into that bathroom to save you."

"Ugh." You groan, tossing the bodysuit aside and settling for the tank. "I'll figure out the rest later." You plop next to Hongjoong's free side. "Thank you for the food." You smile over at them.

"Hwa bought it." Hongjoong's eyes are glued to the TV. 

"Thank you, pichu."

"Mhm." Seonghwa responds from his end. 

"Why are San and Woo going separately?"

"San has to help his uncle with something and it might run a bit long. Woo offered to go with him so he wouldn't be alone."

"Mm." You hum. "Hope it doesn't go long."

"Aw. You miss Sannie?" Hongjoong playfully pouts and you hit him on the bicep.

"You're so fucking mean to me." Joong laughs loudly when you continue to whine, Seonghwa contently eating away while watching the show.

"You guys good or what?"

"Yeah, I just want all of us together."

"We will be, don't worry." Seonghwa chimes in and passes you your food. "Eat. I know you'll need like 500 hours to get your makeup and hair done." You glare at him before picking up the sandwich and digging in. You, Joong and Hwa continue to talk amongst each other while watching the TV before you gather the strength to finally get ready for the night. You turn on your bluetooth speaker, blasting your playlist while you get dressed and get your makeup going. Seonghwa has taken a few pregame shots with you in between, now sipping on a canned cocktail to keep him going while you finish up your makeup and hair. You take one more look at yourself in the mirror, satisfied with the oversized black denim jacket, mini skirt, tank and knee high heeled boots you threw on. Your makeup was simple, but enough to pop.

"Damn." Hongjoong teases, playfully checking you out and flattening his brows with two fingers while Seonghwa rolls his eyes. But, he has to say— he's fucking dying inside because of how fine you look tonight.

So fucking beautiful, and Seonghwa wishes he could have you all to himself.

"Go away." You laugh, walking through a cloud of perfume. "I'm ready!"

"About time." Seonghwa teases. "You look good." He breaks contact as he shuts off your bluetooth speaker and is the first to head out the door.

"Thanks, pichu." You shut off the lights and lock your door. "Do you have the bottle?"

"Make sure to hide that shit in the car, I'm not getting pulled over." Hongjoong says, unlocking his car. You hop into the backseat and tuck the unopened soju bottle aside— keeping it safe until you get to the club.

It's a 20 minute drive before Joong is circling the streets to find a good spot. When he finally gets lucky and finds one just a block down, he reverses into the spot flawlessly before shutting off the car and giving off a deep sigh.

"Have at it." He says, texting San to find out his whereabouts while you and Seonghwa continue to pregame some more and finish the bottle. The alcohol is hitting you quickly tonight, the soju being the cherry on top. Joong tells you San and Wooyoung have parked nearby, giving you all the greenlight to meet them halfway and walk together to the club.

You [drunkly] scream loudly when you see the two; running into their arms and letting them swing you around. You feel happier when you're all together, excited for what the night has to bring. You cling onto Seonghwa without realizing, the group behind you two as you walk side by side while engaging in conversation.

"Seonghwa! Why would you say that!" You and Seonghwa laugh loudly while walking down the street to the club. San can't help but divert his attention to you two ahead; watching as you naturally joke around, laugh and playfully bicker. You cling onto Seonghwa and continue to attach yourself to his hip, and the reality settles for San even more.

He is sad, but it's clear this is where you're supposed to be.

Seonghwa continues to tell you his story, leaning in to tell you delicate details even as you fall in line for the club. San realizes things surely haven't changed, because for you and Hwa, all you see is each other. You both don't ever purposefully make anyone feel left out, but at the end of the day, Hwa was always going to prioritize you and vice versa.

This is your own world and San only plays a little part in it. And that's okay. That's completely okay. You deserved to be happy and that's all he wants for you. All he wants for Hwa.

When security finally checks your IDs and lets your group in, the club is packed from wall to wall and you're having to hold Seonghwa's hand while navigating through the crowd. Hongjoong is behind you, gripping at the belt loop of your skirt to help lead the other two trailing him.

"Aye, over there!" Hongjoong tugs on your belt loop and points at the free bartender towards the other end of the club nodding with his lips while nodding. You take the hint and get Seonghwa to navigate to the free area. Once you're there, you feel like you're able to breathe, being able to spread your arms and move around freely.

"Let's go get some drinks from the bartender over there, it isn't busy." Seonghwa points to the small bar area towards the back end. Your group follows, instantly asking the bartender for a few shots of tequila, whiskey, whatever each chose as their own poison. 

The shots are taken to the neck, and before you know it, you're dancing away on the dance floor with your friends. Wooyoung manages to grab a few dances from cuties nearby, dragging San along to cheer him up and find someone he could possibly have fun with. But, amidst all that and all the numbers he manages to grab, he still finds himself looking for you so he can at least have a dance. 

"Y/N?" San comes to you, cheeks tinted red as his hand  caresses at his jaw. 

"What's wrong, Sannie? Are you okay?" You look up at him with those eyes, your hand on his bicep. You're both clearly drunk out of your minds but jesus, is he having trouble containing himself. 

"Y-yeah." He hiccups. "I just wanted to ask if you'd dance with me?" You giggle and nod.

"Let's go!" You grab his hand and take the initiative. At some point the crowd builds and you're separated from your group— Wooyoung floating somewhere out in the chaos, while Hongjoong and Seonghwa are pulling further and further away. You continue to dance with San though, enjoying every moment and having fun while with him. He keeps up with your rhythm, holding you close but making sure you still have enough freedom to move however you want, have space however you want. But, you continue to work on him and dance along to the music, forgetting any worries for the night.

You dance with San for a good chunk of time before you start searching for Seonghwa, who is no longer nearby. You catch wind of him, but your body decides this is the perfect time to break the seal.

"I need to go to the bathroom." You turn to San and tippy-toe to his ear.

"You okay? Want me to come and wait?"

"No, I'm okay. I'll be back." You give him a small reassuring smile before rushing off to the bathroom and waiting in the tiny line that had formed outside the door. You're in and out within 5 minutes, washing your hands and patting your face down with how stuffy the club had gotten. After handling your business in peace, you realize that Seonghwa and Hongjoong are even more separated than you thought when you exit the bathroom— no longer being able to spot them on the main dance floor, especially due to being inebriated. You finally find Wooyoung and San together, tugging on Wooyoung's sleeve to grab his attention.

"Where's Hwa?"

"Iono!" Wooyoung shrugs. "Last time I checked he was somewhere over there with Joongie." He nods in the far back corner behind you. You give Wooyoung's arm a squeeze to thank him before pushing your way through the crowd towards the potential Hongjoong and Seonghwa spot. When you get there, Hongjoong is definitely nowhere to be found, but Seonghwa is talking to some girl. He's leaning in towards her ear in order for her to hear him, and she laughs at whatever the fuck he's saying. It lowkey kinda irks you, even though you have no reason to be feeling that way. You should be happy Seonghwa is putting himself out there and flirting away at the club. 

Not feeling jealous or envious in the least bit that she is occupying his time and space.

"Hey." You come up to him just as she giggles and playfully flips her hair, turning on her heels to walk away. She gives him one last look before she sways her hips and continues walking towards her friends, all of them squealing over the encounter in the middle of the club. "I see you've been busy." He shrugs.

"That's the girl I met. Makayla." You subtly roll your eyes and tap his chest.

"Okay, well I've been looking for you." You kinda pout.

"What's wrong?" He tilts his head.

"Nothing, I just wanted to hang out with you and I couldn't find you for the longest time." He laughs.

"You were dancing with Sannie, weren't you?" He taps your nose. He says it like it's a light, teasing joke, but deep down, Seonghwa had to step away and get outta that spot. He's not gonna lie, he is relieved you're finally looking for him and finding him. 

"So?" He laughs.

"Well, you found me? Stop pouting. We came here to have fun and you're gonna be with me all night." He gently runs a finger down your bottom lip that is still poking out in a pout. 

"Where'd Joong go?"

"Bathroom." 

"Let me grab San and Woo—" Seonghwa tugs at your hand just as you're about to turn, a small frown on his face. As you look at him, not only do you realize how drunk you still are, but you can also pick up on how drunk Seonghwa is, too. His eyes are red and glazed over, cheeks also tinted with a rosey hue. 

Which, with the way he's looking at you, can't be a good thing. 

This won't end well.

And you truly do not care right now.

"Uh-uh, I thought you wanted to hang out for a bit. Dance with me." He says, pulling you flush against him while his teeth subtly nibble on his bottom lip.

"Hwa." You get all shy and unlike yourself, most definitely from the alcohol and the way he's looking at you up and down. You let him keep you close, beginning to dance against him and go with the beat of the current song blasting through the club. 

To set the record straight first and foremost— it's not like you haven't danced with him before. You have, and those times have been careless, free and fun. You didn't have a care in the world, Seonghwa didn't. It wouldn't last because it was harmless fun before you were onto the next and brushing it off like it was any ordinary thing between you two.

Because it was.

Tonight, it isn't. The air is different, and the energy between you two is supercharged; strong, an incredible pull to each other. The air is extra thick and like no other you've experienced with him. You can't really explain it right now, but with recent events, you just know you want Seonghwa.

Just like he wants you.

So you dance, and you dance. The two of you have pushed to the farthest corner of the club that Hongjoong never seems to return to Seonghwa [or maybe he did and didn't wanna bother] and the two of you are left in your own little world. He's still keeping you close, a tight grip on your hips as he feels every inch, every move against him, doing his best to keep up with the rhythm, you.

And god, is it turning you on.

You turn to face him when the song transitions into the next, finding that Seonghwa can't take his eyes off of you. He stares through his hooded lids while he rests against the metal railing, hands still at your hips while your face is only inches away. You watch as his eyes shoot down to your lips, back up to your eyes as if he's begging, pleading, you to make the first move. Because that will be the confirmation he needs— that will open up a whole new box that Seonghwa had been waiting to open, break the lock to a door he had been waiting to walk through. But also, he's too scared to make the first move. Too scared he'd be overthinking, that you're just drunk and you wouldn't mean it—

Suddenly, the impact of your lips crashing into his quickly pulls him out of his thoughts. Instead of breaking away at that moment, the kiss instantly becomes heated, deep. And Seonghwa has to forcibly pull himself off of you because even though he wants this so, so badly, it'll ruin everything if you truly didn't mean anything by it.

"What're you doing, Y/N?" He breaks away and leans towards your ear. His voice is husky and deep, loud enough to barely be heard over the music.

"I can't kiss you?"

"Not if you don't mean it." He bites onto his bottom lip when he pulls back to look at you, hands still resting on your waist.

"Who said I didn't mean it, Hwa?" You say in his ear, shivers running down his spine when he feels your lips graze your jaw. He probably should think about this, really think about this, but he can't. He's just as fucked up as you are, and he's feeling a bit selfish, a tad bit horny. You're positioned in between his legs looking beautiful as ever even under the dim club lights.

He can't help himself.

He cups your cheek as he pulls you back in, kissing you with so much more fervor. He hears you let out a content sigh in between kisses, pressing your body up against him as you grip the sides of his shirt.

"Driving me crazy." He says, pulling back and letting his nose lightly glide over yours. The both of you are slightly panting, lips swollen from all the intense kisses just shared. You'd do it over and over again, though. And if it were up to you, you'd take this home to explore a little further.

You want Seonghwa.

"Am I?" You continue to tease.

"Y/N." He gives you a look. "You have no idea what you do to me." His voice is still husky, deep; vibrating through your ears and sending tingles down your spine. He leans in for another deep, last kiss; biting onto your bottom lip and tugging back before letting it go. He dips to your jaw, to your neck— painting the surface with feathery kisses and tiny, subtle bites.

"Hwa, we're still out." You giggle and gently tap his chest. 

"Right." He sheepishly smiles and continues to hold you.

"I'm gonna grab some water real quick. We should try and find everyone when I come back."

"Let me just come with you." He grabs at your hand.

"I'll be fine, pichu." You smile toothlessly at him. "I'll be back before you know it. Try to text one of the boys! Save our space!"

"Fine." Seonghwa slightly whines as he lets go of your hand and watches you walk off. At this point, San, Wooyoung and Hongjoong find him without Seonghwa having to lift a finger— both San and Wooyoung carrying two glasses in their hands.

"Aye! Finally fucking found your ass. Where's baby girl? Got more shots." Wooyoung looks around for your familiar figure.

"She went to get water."

"I got it right here. Tequila water." Wooyoung snorts at his failed attempt of a joke.

"You're an idiot." Seonghwa shakes his head and takes the glass, holding onto it while looking around the room. It hasn't been long, but he's hoping you haven't been swallowed by the crowd and are at least at the bar requesting for water.

"Let's wait for Y/N." San adds.

"Sounds good with me." Wooyoung shrugs.

5 minutes quickly turns into 10 and you're still not back from your water run. Seonghwa can't help but be worried, eyes now frantically scanning every inch of the room to catch any glimpse of you.

"Damn, that's a long water break. Should we just go to the bar and find her?" Whatever Wooyoung's saying is completely drowned out by Seonghwa because he finally spots you, and he's fuming. Everything in the club seems to drown out, and it almost feels like white noise. Hwa finds you at the opposite corner of the bar, and of course, Song Mingi would be the person you're occupied with. That's why you haven't returned, of fucking course. He continues to watch from his spot, feeling unsettled from the entire situation. It starts off pretty normal, until Mingi starts whispering near your ear; doing his best to pull you close, keep you close. He sees you gently rejecting Mingi's touches, shoving off his hand and pushing his arm away— clearly making you uncomfortable. Seonghwa finds his free hand balled into a fist, already boiling with anger at how Mingi doesn't read any of your signs.

Instead, continues to put you through it because he's your ex. He thinks he can get away with it. He knows he can.

"I'll be back." Seonghwa says taking the shot in one swift motion, setting his empty glass aside on the high table nearby. San furrows his brows as he watches him leave, following his trail over to the opposite end of the club.

"Oh shit." San says under his breath, and Hongjoong is confused.

"What?"

"Mingi." He points over to the other side of the club and Joong lets out a sigh, followed by a heavy—

"Fuck."

As Seonghwa comes from behind, Mingi is the first to spot him and smirks. You don't really notice until Mingi has stopped trying to get close to you, turning over your shoulder to see your own bestfriend shooting daggers his way.

"What's up, Seonghwa?" The way Mingi says his name is so fucking annoying, Hwa can't help but roll his eyes. Mingi leaves out his hand in hopes of Hwa taking it in a friendly dap. All Seonghwa does is look at it before returning his attention back up to him, then back to you.

"Come on. Let's go." Hwa mutters as tries to gently drag you away by the wrist, but Mingi stops him.

"Woah. We were just having a conversation."

"Back up." Seonghwa steps in front of you and tries to get Mingi to back up, creating some distance between you two.

"Kinda rude for someone to intervene when they have no business to."

"Didn't know that required you to put your hands on her."

"Seonghwa." You warn, but he doesn't listen.

"Of course." Mingi laughs and licks his lips before closing in on the distance, clearly drunk and trying to be belligerent by provoking Seonghwa. His face is only a couple of inches away from Seonghwa's, but he isn't doing anything to back down from whatever the fuck Mingi is trying to start. Because yeah, he's drunk too, and this is you they were talking about. "Wanna be all high and mighty now? Be the knight in shining armor you always tried to be?" Mingi snickers.

"Back away from me, Mingi." Seonghwa warns lowly. "Step the fuck away."

"Or what? The fuck are you gonna do about it, Seonghwa?" Mingi mutters. "Think she'll finally give into you?" He chuckles pathetically. "Finally give you what you've been wanting for years? I know you've always been mad because you couldn't bag her when I did. Couldn't touch her, fuck her like—" Seonghwa pushes him with so much power that Mingi stumbles and fall back on a high table nearby, knocking over a glass as his arm hits the table. Mingi recovers quickly though, glaring at him as he pushes Seonghwa back and tries to land a punch on him. Mingi successfully lands it when Hwa fails to dodge, cutting the corner of his lip after the impact. They continue to go at it, causing people to step back and watch the chaos ensue from around.

"Hwa! Get off! Stop!" You scream, trying to pry him off. San, Hongjoong and Wooyoung rush over, both San and Joong having to separate the two until the bouncers come and kick your group and Mingi's group out of the club.

"Jesus fucking christ." Wooyoung glares at the bouncer and throws his hands up. "Okay, okay, we're going!"

"Let me catch you, fucking punk!" You hear Mingi yell as him and his group walk down the opposite block, the bouncers still keeping an eye on your groups to make sure nothing occurs outside of the club and requires police activity. You walk a few steps before you push Seonghwa by the shoulder, forcing him to look at you as he tends to his lip.

"What the fuck did you do that for?!" You look at him and Seonghwa's almost taken aback by your reaction. 

What do you even mean?

He did this to protect you and keep you away from that asshole, but you don't even seem the least bit concerned about him.

At all.

"W-what?" Seonghwa looks at you, his chest rising as he tries to calm himself from all the adrenaline and anger. 

"You didn't have to do that!" You yell, on the verge of tears. You're angry at Seonghwa, but you're angry because you hate seeing him hurt. You hate that he intervened, you hate that he's hurt because of the fight. You're angry, you're hurt, and everything is coming out all wrong. "I was fine, you didn't have to get in between, Seonghwa!"

"The hell you mean I didn't?!"

"Hwa." Hongjoong calls for him, eyeing the bouncers nearby.

"He wasn't doing anything!"

"Here you go again! Be serious for once, Y/N. He's a fucking asshole! When are you going to realize that?!"

♡ FLASHBACK

"Yeah, whatever. Fuck you, Song Mingi." You walk out of his room, aggressively wiping the tears streaming down your cheeks.

"Fucking crazy. Get the hell outta here!" He yells from his room, causing you to flip him off as you walk down the hallway and out of his front door. 

Song Mingi was a certified asshole.

Time and time again, your ex-boyfriend of 2 years proves to you that you just aren't shit to him. Two years, then an on-and-off again situation where Mingi just couldn't commit to you again — but he needed you to feel wanted, to feel like he had a safety blanket to fall on, to feel like he could string you along until that very last moment he couldn't. He'd whisper sweet nothings whenever he saw you late nights; no longer leaving his home to go on dates, but to stay wrapped up in his sheets. Telling you things he knows will make you weak, thing he knows will make you stay a little longer. All these years of this back and forth game you played with your ex, you had no idea why you couldn't just learn and do better for yourself instead of letting him reel you in, making you think he genuinely wanted and needed you.

There was no one like you.

You, so perfect.

You, made just for him. 

You should've known better.

This was no one else's fault but your own. You let him in, you let him in, you let him in. And you fall for it every single time, knowing you were never going to be his one and only again, knowing you weren't the only one he was keeping around. But for whatever sick reason, you wanted to believe you could get him to change again. You wanted to believe you meant more to him, that your history meant more to him. But that's all it was— wishful thinking.

Empty words built on shaky foundation.

So here you are, after he had called you saying he had missed you and wished you were near him. Here you are, crying everything you have left in you after giving him what he wanted. Here you are, after hearing that this wasn't anything to Mingi, that you weren't anything to Mingi. Here you are, broken to pieces, empty, soulless.

Again and again.

"Fucking asshole." You groan to yourself, tears streaming steadily as you head down the street from his building to a random corner. You sit on the sidewalk, kicking aggressively at the rocks beneath your feet. You give one last good grunt out of frustration before you rest your arms on your knees, head hanging low to let all your tears fall freely.

You had been crying so hard that you hadn't realized a car had pulled up in the empty spot near the curb you sat on, car being turned off before someone steps out and shut their door. You suddenly feel a hand on your back and you instantly ease up, knowing exactly who that touch belongs to.

"Hwa." You look at him, watery eyes blood shot red. He can't help but feel sorry for you, you're aware. You can tell by the way his brows soften when he sees how torn up you are, you can tell by the way his lips poke out because he isn't really sure what else he can say at this point. He shouldn't have to say anything anymore. He shouldn't be here—

You shouldn't be here.

"I told you to stay put." He teasingly scolds you, but you continue to look at him with that sad, pathetic look. "Let's get home, hm?" He follows up, free hand coming to wipe your tears away. You nod, allowing Seonghwa to help you up and into the car. He doesn't really say anything when he gets in and buckles his seatbelt, but he glances over at you, watches as you sink in the passenger's seat and look out the window.

He hates it, and he wishes he could do more to take this away from you. To keep you away from Mingi, to take away your pain completely.

It's not the first time Seonghwa's had to come get you. He's almost losing track of how many times you've called him crying because you wanted to leave a party after seeing Mingi flirting around [even though he'd deny it time and time again]. The times you've called because he left you at parties to hang out with other people, other girls. The times Mingi has disrespectfully called you out your name mid-argument, gaslighting you into thinking you were in the wrong.

Seonghwa's only hope is that one day, you'll finally get tired of your ex and move on. Leaving Mingi where he belongs, especially when he couldn't even give you the proper respect. Mingi's only reasoning for breaking up with you was that he couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't do the relationship anymore. He just couldn't, and you knew what he truly meant— it just wasn't you anymore. 

And for months and months, you sat there wondering what you could've done differently, or if there was a sign that you had missed. Every time he called, it had you thinking he must've realized he couldn't do this without you, that he was wrong and that he did want this after all.

Nope.

He made you believe it for a night, yes. Then, he'd go back to reminding you what you actually meant to you— that you were delusional, that you kept forcing things between him. That you knew what this was.

You should've known what this was.

♡ END

"He wasn't even doing anything! Not shit you needed to step in between for! He was literally—"

"Oh my fucking god." Seonghwa groans. "And you're still defending him!" He yells, his brows furrowed when he turns to look at you. He feels like he can barely breathe due to the anger surging through his veins, plus the betrayal he's feeling with the way you're delivering your responses. The way you look at him. The way you're keeping your distance.

After everything, it still seems like you're taking Mingi's side. You always find a way to defend him one way or another, even if you don't realize it.

Seonghwa does, and it hurts.

"I'm not!" Your tone is louder. "I could've taken care of it myself, he wasn't doing anything!" You repeat.

"He was making you uncomfortable, Y/N! All up in your space, trying to force you to do shit when you didn't want it. Yet, you wanna tell me he wasn't doing anything?"

"I'm just saying it wasn't that big of a deal, Hwa! I could've handled it!"

"Really? I doubt that." 

"Wow, are you serious?" You say, hurt. But, he scoffs and continues because you need to hear this. 

"I am. You always let him push you around and walk all over you. I thought by now you'd be smart enough to realize that you're worth much more than that." His tone rises again. "Why do you always let him do this to you? You're so used to the way Mingi treats you and you do nothing to change that. You always let him in. You're so brainwashed and you literally have no respect for yourself, it's fucking sad."

"You know nothing about our relationship." You're crying and angrily wiping away at your tears, unsure of how else to act, what else to say. Sure, you and Seonghwa have gotten into petty fights and arguments. Mostly over dumb shit, but nothing ever this serious. You know he cares, and he means well. But this anger, this seemingly pent up frustration— you aren't entirely sure where it was stemming from. You have never seen him act this way and quite frankly, this part of Seonghwa is very difficult to navigate. 

You've never had to.

"Yeah, because I wasn't the one rescuing you in the middle of the night every time he decided to throw your ass out, right? Because I wasn't the one having to calm you down when you were crying? Because I wasn't the one whose had to pick up the pieces every time he broke your heart to try and chase after somebody else? When he says all those shitty things about you that get to your head? When he'd fucking leave you stranded?" He shakes his head. "I'm sure I know nothing about your relationship." The two of you are staring at each other, both at a loss for words after everything has been laid out on the table. Seonghwa is the first to break, having enough of this bullshit and not wanting to say anything else. Mostly because he still cares about you and your feelings, and it's breaking his heart to see you crying over him this time. "I'm done here. I'm sure San will take you home."

"Whatever, fuck you." You respond before turning on your heel to walk away. As soon as you've created enough distance between you and Seonghwa, you find yourself stopping in your path to sob into your hands. It isn't until a few minutes later that you feel hands on your arms, a familiar touch that belongs to somebody else dear to you—

"Hey, let's get you home." San says, with Wooyoung behind him. You can't see much due to the tears in your eyes, but you can tell it's Hongjoong walking alongside of Seonghwa, making sure he's okay and pushing him along towards the car.

"He'll be okay. Just needs some time to breathe." Wooyoung adds, holding out his arm so that you can slip yourself right underneath while walking to San's car. "You alright?" Wooyoung pouts, wiping some of the straggling tears escaping your bottom lids.

"Mhm." You lie, just to keep the walk quiet and peaceful. And it is for a bit, even as you sit in the backseat of San's car. The only thing filling the space is the music playing through bluetooth— Wooyoung's playlist, actually. San peeks over at you through the rearview mirror, feeling bad for how everything went down. But, he gets it. He gets Seonghwa. You do deserve better. Mingi should never get an ounce of your attention after how he's treated you— esp with Seonghwa being here all along.

"You know he just really cares about you, right?" San breaks the silence. 

"I know." You mumble, head leaning back against the seat while you look out the window. "I've just never seen him act that way."

"It's Mingi." Wooyoung adds. "Can I be honest?" He turns to look at you with doe eyes. "I'm not trying to attack you, I promise. We see both sides." You nod quietly. "It's hard when you have history with someone, and it's hard to undo bad habits you've learned in the relationship. We know Mingi was someone special to you, but he hasn't been good for you for a long time. And there's no changing that man at this point. If it's anybody, Seonghwa knows all of that very well, especially when he's been by your side throughout everything." Wooyoung lets out a small sigh. "I'm certain he's hurt because even after everything he's done to be there, Mingi's actions seem to be dismissible. And his actions get overlooked."

"Woo, I'm not even dismissing Mingi's actions."

"Okay, baby girl. You're not. But, I think Seonghwa would have appreciated if you were there for him tonight instead of getting upset. He just wants to keep you safe."

"His goal has always been to keep you safe." San adds softly, driving towards your place.

"I didn't want Hwa to get hurt, h-he didn't have to do that." You sniffle, leaning your head against the window.

"You know he's not gonna sit back and let that shit happen." Woo adds, also leaning his head back against the headrest— a small headache forming after tonight's events. When you finally get home, San and Wooyoung offer to stay the night to keep you company, but you politely decline. They walk you to the door and give you big hugs, asking you a million times if you're sure about being alone tonight.

And you quietly nod.

Because there's nothing else you'd rather be than alone tonight. You want to be alone in your own space, crying alone in your bed; head against the pillow, tucked underneath your sheets.

You want to be alone.

Meanwhile, Seonghwa is struggling. He isn't sure what to do, hates not having you by his side. He doesn't know what's gonna happen from here on out, what will be left of you two after all this.

From the kiss, to Mingi, to the argument.

It's so fucked up.

Seonghwa hadn't even realized how much of his life was dedicated to you— how much of his life was just you. Even when he tried so hard for it to not be you.

"Fuck!" Seonghwa groans and slams his hand against a brick wall in passing. 

"Aye, come on now." Hongjoong clicks his teeth and pushes him away from the wall, urging him to continue down the car. "Don't hurt yourself."

"I swear to God if I ever see Mingi—"

"You won't. He should know better, and hopefully Y/N does, too." Hwa lets out a hefty sigh as he swings Joong's door open and plops into the passenger's seat. Not much is said between the two, even as Hongjoong drives off to his place. Seonghwa rests his head back and shuts his eyes, equally angry, yet dizzy from the alcohol still running through him. 

"I don't know what to do, Joong. I can't keep doing this just for it to get me nowhere."

"You two really need to fucking talk." Hongjoong does a slight head tilt as he continues to drive to Seonghwa's place. "I don't mean to make this worse, but I saw you two." Seonghwa looks at him before resting his head back against the headrest again. "I didn't come so I could give you guys some space."

"Fuck." Hwa repeats again with a heavy sigh. "Yeah, I don't know where this leaves us."

"Give it a few days or whatever, but you need to figure this out with her." Seonghwa doesn't speak anymore, mainly because he's starting to feel nauseous after the adrenaline, the alcohol. He's doing his best to keep it together. But, on top of that, he has a ton of thoughts swirling in his mind— he doesn't really know how to tackle them or where to even start. In the end, he's afraid of what this will do to your relationship.

You and him.

In the end, he just doesn't know anymore.

This is the longest Seonghwa hasn't talked to you. It's been a little over two weeks— usually, the two of you would break in a few hours, not wanting to be without the other for long.

But this, this was different.

Of course, everything felt awful. You both felt awkward about having to be the first person to break the silence, both remembering that night and how heated it had gotten.

The kiss.

The argument.

Everything about the situation felt like doom, chaos. A whole whirlwind of emotions and feelings overpowering each other, threatening to burst at the seams.

Seonghwa had thought long and hard about this, though. For him, he decided he just needed to step back and give himself a breather. Let him do things for himself, carry on with the mentality that he'd finally put himself first. So, that's what he's been trying to do. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck, though. It does. It's terrible. He's gotten so used to having you by his side, so used to running to you first about anything and everything.

He's had to bite his tongue when he finally nailed that fucking uni pasta recipe he had been experimenting for years. Because he wanted to tell you he did so, wanted to invite you over so you could be the first to taste it;

Oh well.

His heart sinks when the realization hits him again, and he's having to give himself a 'lil pep talk to push through. He can't be the person to say sorry first, he can't be the first to break— not when he didn't do anything wrong. He needs to stop apologizing when he's not in the wrong or when he feels bad. He's given you way too much of that, and this time around, he wasn't going to.

He needs you to be the first to break. Needs you to be the one to say sorry. Needs you to show him you understand and that you would never intentionally hurt him, especially over Song Mingi.

He's still counting the days. Maybe he'll have to keep doing so. Gives him time to himself, some peace. Let's him know how much you'd truly work to salvage your relationship with him.

Your own bestfriend before anything.

Because he knows he'd do anything to keep you by his side. He would. It just sucks that he doesn't know if you would do the same. He can't confidently say the same.

But, you absolutely would.  Days and nights have passed and you could barely sleep, always questioning what Seonghwa was doing and if he was even thinking about you. This was on you, though. You knew it. You just didn't know how to say it to him and it's definitely a learning lesson for you— all in all, you wanna be better and you wanna be better for him. You miss Seonghwa a lot. You truly didn't know what it meant to be missing your other half until now;

Empty, alone.

Cold.

You sigh as you toss the pillow aside and sit up in bed, checking the time on the clock. 

3am.

You couldn't sleep, and you freeze. You freeze because you have no one to call anymore. So you turn, and turn. No longer able to find sleep for the rest of the night.

When the sun finally rises, you force yourself to get up to go for a run and grab a good cup of coffee and breakfast. It was your day off, but you thought you could at least take advantage of being up early; take advantage of soaking in the morning sun.

You were tired of sulking and being in bed. Being cooped up at home when you weren't at work.

You throw on your leggings and matching sports bra, grabbing an oversized zip-up to shield you from the morning cold. Yaya is already working in the kitchen, so you quickly let her know you'll be out for a run— rushing over to your car to avoid any questioning this early in the day. You drive over to a lake near town that has a 4.5 mile trail around its perimeter. Since it's still early, the trail isn't crowded with people; perfect enough for you to get a good 3 mile run in. You hadn't ran in a minute, but 3 miles seemed to be a breeze when there was a lot of pent up frustration and anger you needed to release. Of course, you were beyond tired at the end, but it wasn't anything coffee and a good pastry couldn't fix.

At the cafe, you grab a seat right outside of the entrance to enjoy your breakfast, scrolling through social media per usual. You click into your messages for god knows why, knowing Seonghwa hadn't messaged you.

He hasn't.

Why would he?

You sigh, the sadness now returning. You quickly clean up and toss your trash into the bin inside the restaurant before grabbing your cup of iced coffee and heading home. Once you get home, you throw your clothes into the laundry and take a hot, steamy shower, letting your worries go momentarily.

And then, you nap. Exhaustion finally hitting you from the lack of sleep.

Post-nap, you take time to clean around your suite and hang out with Yaya, watching a few episodes of her current favorite show. You help Yaya with a few things around the house, taking the time to bring her to the grocery store just right before the sun sets. Even though Yaya can tell something is wrong, she doesn't bother you or question you like you'd expect— probably leaving it for Soyeon to do the heavy lifting. You do appreciate that you don't have to dwell on it while spending time with her, though. 

Soyeon, Charli and Junseo had visited the past days, and although Charli was able to make you smile and laugh, Soyeon could also easily tell something was wrong without you having to say anything at all. Your demeanor had changed, you seemed to be snapping quicker than usual. Attitude wasn't so bright and happy. Seonghwa hadn't been around, but the other boys had quickly stopped by just to hang out.

You dimmed it down to a 'little fight between you and Hwa,' but Soyeon knew better than that, and she was hoping she'd be able to get it out of you soon. This wasn't like you, and it wasn't like Seonghwa to not come around for days on end.

This wasn't just a little fight.

"Hey." She calls you when you're settled back in your humble abode, and although you don't mind hearing from your boss-slash-cousin, you could do without any work-related conversations right now.

"What's up? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm leaving the restaurant soon. Yoongi and Junseo are going to close up. It's gotten quiet. Can I stop by? I have some food for you."

"Sure. Where's Chacha?"

"With Junseo's parents."

"Mm." You hum. "Okay."

"Okay, I'll be there in about 30 minutes or so. I'm just gonna wrap a few things up here."

"Sounds good." You hang up the call, a bit relieved that your cousin [not your cousin on boss-mode] is coming over. 

When she arrives, it's about 7:45pm. She quietly knocks before announcing her presence— stepping out of her shoes before joining you on your living room floor in front of the coffee table and TV. For a good part of the conversation, you indulge in some of the chicken she brought over, listening to her update you about the restaurant and some drama on his side of the family. She asks if there's anything new going on with you or the boys, and you simply shrug.

This is definitely her way of poking at you, and you're very close to cracking because who else can you open up to about this?

No one, and at this point, you need to. You need the reassurance.

"Are you sure nothing's up? To be honest, I know something's bothering you, and I know this wasn't just a 'little fight' between you and Hwa." She forms air quotes. That's the moment you do crack, tears welling in your eyes when you revisit that night. You tell Soyeon everything and confide in her, giving her more details about your dinner with San, to dancing with Seonghwa and kissing him, to Mingi and their fight. You tell her it's been about two weeks since you've spoken and you know Seonghwa is waiting for you to make the first move. 

You tell her how you've started to realize your feelings for Seonghwa after everything and how incredibly terrified you are of them.

"I don't know what to do, Soyeon. He probably hates me."

"Just go over there and talk to him, Y/N. What are you waiting for? You know he's waiting for you to take initiative, and you should this time. This is all you." You sigh, bottom lip trembling as you begin to cry. 

"I know."

"You know Seonghwa the best. It's so obvious how much he likes you and adores you after all this time. Why are you so afraid?"

"I know, I know." You sniffle. "I just am, Soyeon. I'm afraid of getting hurt, I'm afraid of Seonghwa realizing this isn't what he expected. I'm afraid of Seonghwa." You cry a bit harder and Soyeon is holding you close, rubbing your back as you lean against her shoulder. "I'm scared of this ruining us completely. What if we do get together and things don't pan out the way we expected? I'm so scared of losing him completely that I just don't know where I lie in all of this despite my feelings for him."

"You can't be afraid about every little thing, Y/N. I know it's scary, and life hasn't been entirely nice to you. But, this is your bestfriend. You can't just sit around and brush it under the rug when you know this is something you two need to discuss. Regardless of what happens, Seonghwa will never let you go. You two have been through so much together, he would never wanna do life without you by his side. Never." She continues to reassure you, giving you the push you need to get yourself together and just face it.

You loved Seonghwa, and it was time you looked beneath the surface.

Soyeon didn't stay too long after the two of you finish eating last night— turning the conversation into something more lighthearted after you cried and thanked her for being there for her. Her reassurance worked so much that you're ready to tackle the morning bright and early, throwing on some clothes to head over to Seonghwa's place. After Soyeon left, you called Wooyoung and asked what time Seonghwa's shift was for tomorrow. He snorted and told you it was 10am and asked what you were up to. You let Wooyoung know about your talk with Soyeon and that you missed him, finally throwing the stupid shit aside to just try and talk to him about that night.

To apologize, to make things right.

To tell him that you love him.

You keep it casual and comfy, throwing on some black and white wide-leg track pants, a crop tank and a baggy grey zip-up hoodie. You throw on your shoes, swiftly grab your keys and crossbody bag, jogging out to your car with a quick 'good morning' yell to Yaya from the side of the house. As you drive over to Seonghwa's apartment, you are equally filled with anxiety, nervousness and adrenaline. You're ready to put this behind you, but you're especially ready to talk to Seonghwa again. See him. Hug him. 

Keep him close, never let him stray far again.

You pull into a guest lot, shutting off your car and wondering if you should've brought over some coffee, breakfast, anything, to make this a bit less awkward.

"Fuck." You mutter to yourself as you shake the thoughts from your head; no time for overthinking while you're running on limited time. You jog up the steps and up to Seonghwa's apartment, hesitating when you get to the front door before you finally bring your knuckles to the surface to give a couple of loud knocks. It takes a second before you hear rustling behind the door, Seonghwa clearing his throat before he swings the door open in a white tank and sweats. Your eyes immediately meet his, but he looks surprised, caught off guard even.

But, caught off guard in a sense that he's been caught doing something he shouldn't be doing.

You don't understand it until you see someone in the back try to slip by unnoticed, but she's wearing Seonghwa's shirt. Your heart immediately sinks to your gut and it makes you feel queasy. It shouldn't, but you hate to say it does.

It's probably Makayla.

It's too fucking late.

"Oh." Is all you say, and Seonghwa feels his heart break to a million pieces when he sees the look on your face. You're trying your hardest not to show how much it hurts you, but he knows you. He knows you well, that's for damn sure.

"Y/N—"

"It's good, I didn't meant to interrupt, I'm sorry— I'll catch you later." You ramble and rush down the steps, hurrying away from the apartment to prevent Seonghwa from seeing the tears streaming down your cheeks. 

This was your fault anyway, who else was there to blame?

"Y/N!" Seonghwa calls out one last time, but you're already running to your car. Very obvious that you're wiping away at your face as you sink into the driver's seat and pull out of the spot without turning back. "Fuck." Seonghwa groans to himself, and Makayla kinda just watches everything unfold right in front of her eyes. He runs a hand through his long, black locks, shutting the door quietly behind him as he turns to her and gives her a sympathetic smile. 

"I'm sorry."

"That was Y/N?"

"Uh, yeah. My bestfriend." He looks at her, and she can already tell. She can already tell that it's you, and there is more to it than that. He loves you, and it's very, very obvious.

"You love her, don't you?" He lets out a breath and shrugs. He doesn't say anything for a bit, rather looks at her with those big doe-eyes before she catches him subtly nodding and diverting his attention to the floor.

"I'm so, so sorry, Makayla. I really am." What the fuck else can he say? He must look so fucked up right now; having taken her out the night before and let her spend the night after fumbling in the sheets. He was curious to see if Makayla would be the door to a new path, something that'll help him move forward. He had hope. After this morning's events, that clearly wasn't going to be the case and he wasn't going to lie about it.

"Don't be." She gives him a small, toothless smile. Because although it does suck, she's been there before and she'd hate for Seonghwa to miss out on the person he truly wants to be with. "You should really talk to her before it's too late."

♡ FLASHBACK | EARLY COLLEGE

You're on Seonghwa's back as he trails behind the group, walking up the path to the view of the city behind campus. Hongjoong, San, Wooyoung and a few other heads had wanted to go on a late night walk— the goal being the view at the end for everyone to just sit and admire. At first, you didn't feel like going with a bunch of obnoxious boys. But, you had been cooped up in your room doing nothing but studying all day. It sounded better knowing Seonghwa would be around and being in the crisp, night air. 

Seonghwa continues to walk up the slightly steep hill before spotting the view just down the street, you jumping off his back as soon as it becomes clear in sight.

"Hwa! Look at it!" You squeal, running to one of the free areas near the fence to get a good picture of the view. "It's so pretty! Look!" 

"Yeah, it is." He catches his breath as he walks over next to you. Trekking that hill is not for the weak.

"Oh my god, look at all those lights. It's so beautiful. I didn't realize how flat the town is." You're mainly thinking out loud, saying it to yourself, but Seonghwa chuckles next to you and quietly nods. "I think I can see our favorite convenient store from here, and our favorite spot to get jajangmyeon."

"How would you know, they're little blobs right now."

"How would you not know, Seonghwa? Are you a fraud? Do you even like those places like you say you do?" He snorts.

"Relax, Nancy Drew. It was just a question."

"I just know." You say so matter-of-fact-ly that Seonghwa smiles to himself while you continue to look out at the view. "The stars are so pretty tonight, weather is so perfect. Ugh. We should do this more often." You continue to go on and Seonghwa just likes listening to you talk. He always has, always will.

Everything about you was his favorite.

"I— what?" You look up and see Seonghwa still staring at you before he lets out a deep chuckle.

"Nothing."

"Pichu, what is it?" He looks at you again, and it's obvious he wants to tell you something but is preventing himself from spilling it out onto the table for whatever reason. You turn towards him and cross your arms, tapping your foot to wait for his response.

"Nothing! I'm just— nothing."

"Park Seonghwa."

"I-I—" He sighs. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you ended up going on the walk with us. I wanted you here."

"Aw, you little sap." You pinch his bicep and he yelps. "Are you sure that's all?" He nods.

"Thank you, Y/N. For everything." He ruffles your hair and you can't help but pout at. "You know? For being a pain in the ass bestfriend."

"I beg to differ, but you're welcome." You chuckle. "Always us, right pichu?" You playfully punch him on the bicep before returning your attention back to the view.

And he'll forever remember this as the first time he tried to confess his feelings for you.

♡ END

♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[teenandbeyond]

Random BNHA Analysis (Again)

Hiii, so since yesterday I went on a whole 30 min long analysis after my first post. So today I'm going to be ranting about....buhbumdadaaaa

Katsuki Bakugo's Mentality! 🤯

It's long, but analysis usually is, so, oh well! Don't read if it's a problem for ya! 😜🤪

If you like this, check out my BakuDeku analysis!

💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥

From the beginning his brain is warped into thinking he's the best. Those with Quirks on top, Quirkless the bottom.

Him? He's above them all.

He was taught that from the beginning.

"Your Quirk is so amazing."

"Your Quirk is the best."

Constantly getting those statements before you can even explore the world with this Quirk... Leads to a type of brainwashing.

So now as a child he has a superiority complex, due to society.

But then there's someone who breaks this molded ideal.

Izuku.

See, Bakugo is taught that people without Quirks are less than. Yet this little boy is brave and saves people despite not possessing one.

This makes Bakugo get angry because he contradicts what he's been taught, yet deep down he admires him for it.

In his mind he feels like he has to remind Izuku of his place. "I'm just helping you, maybe you got lost, this is where you're supposed to be. That's what I learned."

Izuku never stayed in that place, he always hoped for more. And when someone is brainwashed, it really ticks them off if someone breaks the mold they learned.

And when Izuku actually had the guts to stand up to him, it was past just the hopefulness. It probably scared him a little. "That's not what you're supposed to do!"

When you're brainwashed, something contradicting what you've been taught can be scary. Because then it makes you question what's really true.

I feel like the icing on the cake was the Hero versus Villains lesson.

First, the one who he thought was weaker than him stood a chance against him and WON.

This contradicts that people without Quirks are weak, especially considering Izuku had one now.

So in his mind, he probably thought he was tricking him. And if anything, mentally reassured him and disappointed him.

Assurance because, "Okay, now you're not contradicting what I've been taught."

But deep down, "I admired you because you didn't have a Quirk and did what you did, but you have one you've been hiding the whole time?"

Then also because of his superiority complex, "How dare you think you can trick me? You think you're better than me?"

But all this time something else has been building, and it cements itself in his brain when he sees Shoto's skill.

Bakugo gets a reality check when he sees that someone is stronger than him. And it scares him.

It's the start of his inferiority complex.

So now he starts to feel inferior, and tries to find ways to still prove to himself that he's the best.

The Sports Fest was about proving to himself that he was still good enough, not everyone else.

But when his win wasn't because he actually won, but because Shoto fell unconscious... He wasn't assured. If anything, it made his inferiority complex worse.

Then comes his internship. He was chosen because Best Jeanist wanted his personality to be corrected, his appearance.

Usually people fawned over his Quirk, but B.J. kind of brushed it aside.

"Yeah, you're Quirk's good. You know how to use it, but your personality sucks."

And this made him defensive, cause time and time again he'd been getting comments about his personality. And this is another contradiction, because he'd been raised this way. This is his normal. But there are people telling him it was wrong. Which makes him question things.

He also gets upset because he felt like he didn't learn anything to help his Quirk grow...

Not even realizing how much this would help him later. Which is why Jeanist became special to him after, too.

But back to that later.

Exams.

That also made his inferiority complex worse. It wasn't an easy win and he had to count on Izuku of all people.

This made him feel inferior to even him.

He was relentless and didn't want to give up because he didn't want to let himself down and feel like he's less than.

But he fell unconscious and needed Izuku to help him win.

I feel like because of that, he didn't want to be seen by anybody. So he avoided the class shopping trip.

Then I Island happened, again, he felt like he got to prove himself a little.

And after, camp.

The kidnapping.

Which was a lot more traumatizing to him than he let on.

His inferiority complex really hit him in the chest when he was the only one who got kidnapped. (After people already recognized him everywhere for the Sludge Villain incident where he was helpless ((which was also more traumatizing than he let on)).)

The only one people thought would go to the villain side.

And All Might stepping down from number one after saving him.

He was probably already beginning to blame himself, but what cemented the feeling, I think, was his mother's words.

"It's your fault. All this trouble is your fault."

Because that's what he says to Izuku when he confesses how he feels.

"It's my fault."

He sits in the blame he feels like everyone has on him.

Then once it's confirmed that Izuku gained the Quirk from All Might, his admiration is back.

And slowly, in this time, he realizes what Best Jeanist's point was.

Not everything is about Quirks, he needs to work on who he is.

So he starts working on his personality slowly outside the spotlight in season 4 (anime). Then it shows in Season 5 (anime) when he works with his team much better than before.

Season 6 (anime) he finally apologized to Izuku, which he had to grow past his pride to do.

And as time went by throughout the series, he desired to be Izuku's friend, like it should have been. He just had to learn to jump over the wall society put around the two of them. To learn that it was okay to be friends with someone Quirkless. To learn that there was more to people than their Quirks to define them and what they'll do.

He had to break from the mold.

And Izuku was a piece of that puzzle, as well as Eijiro, who opened him up to feeling equal with other people. Having people he could feel equal to. Having those he could appreciate even if they weren't at his level in terms of power. Someone real, who wasn't only his friend because of his Quirk. But really wanted to get to know HIM.

He's continuing to grow.

Just jumping in to save someone without thought? And Izuku at that? He wouldn't have done that months back.

If you think about it, his development has been the most teenager like.

But I think his pattern of development was different and made sense. He needed to learn how to focus on himself more than growing his already powerful Quirk because it was all that mattered to him.

And needed to learn how to love himself genuinely and love others.

Everyone else majorly needs to develop their Quirks, so outside of it being society's focus, that's where they need to grow the most.

Katsuki, on the other hand, is strong in what he can do with his Quirk. Just...not his identity outside of what he was told and molded to.

And how much he's grown so quickly shows that he probably already had a desire to, but didn't realize.

And even though he's fictional, as someone who loves to see people real or not grow...

I'm SO proud of him.

I can't wait to see how else he develops.

[vermanaward]

dawntrail msq, 97-99

solution nine

current sphene theory is that she's a robot. which is why she doesn't eat. beep boop

her being so chummy with her subjects rings extremely hollow when you know she could just download information about them any time and we'd be none the wiser

'levin sickness' huh. don't we have aetherial imbalance solved? just get alisae down here with her piggy

sure, it was lindblum's fault, brahne. i definitely trust the survivors to be telling the truth :))

raid series name dropped. please be the sphene memorial tournament

yeah this guy is going to die in a cutscene at some point isn't he

when can i shank sphene already

lamat honey you're operating on the flawed assumption sphene isn't a-okay with alla this shite

bitch you already saw tuliyolal

(i don't know if i'm on team pashtarot truther. i would like to never see another ascian again. i'm also acutely aware that's not going to be the case unless i quit, so)

gulool ja? also grown in a tube. calling it now

heritage found pt 2

now THIS is alexandria

remind me when i unlock flying to check the bell tower for a tt card

sphene is indeed a robot. beep boop

something something ascians something body hopping

does explain the infinity loops in her design mind

oh okay we're leaping straight to 'she's not flesh and blood, thus not alive'. don't care for this. not surprised in the slightest, but

oh. ohoho. bitch might not be an ascian but she sure thinks like one. please let me shank her. i know she's a body hopping robot whatever that just means i can shank her repeatedly

(yes yes she's dollar store lolibait emet i'm not a fan of this being done Again but)

all these casters using fire when it's been well established the mechs are weak to lightning. blm nerfs hitting hard

guys. guys do you remember how great endwalker was

AZDAJA SPOTTED

oh so WE'RE the gullible ones

you know what this exp needs? beatrix. just saying

50% jesus that is a deep cut and 50% i mean wasn't orthos an extended arthur joke like

begging soken to use motifs other than torn from the heavens. begging

like this expac is not even about the wol so why does every other track use the wol's theme

everkeep

man. i guess i'm supposed to be sad about zarool ja or something but honestly. i do not give a single shit like. even sb zenos was more interesting as a villain (and i do not like sb zenos). even ew zenos was etc and i do not etc.

like. was he actually grown in a tube, or is this game just fucking allergic to characters having mothers? what set him on his 'yeah i gotta traumatise the world into wanting peace'? which just got kinda derailed into 'yeah i'm gonna help this loli from another reality do what emet failed to'. when the fuck did he have a kid. why did he have a kid if he felt he had nothing to leave him. what the fuck was wormtongue's deal anyway. he was also an mildly interesting villain even if zarool offing him was kinda funny

i am feeling less emotions about this than i did about ew's finale. this expac is beingg hard carried by its encounter design. sad!

sphene: people will live on as long as they are remembered! 😁 also sphene: [sets up regulators so they delete people's memories of dead people] 🤪

anyway this was the 99 trial and i know there's one more zone to go so time for necrom to come barreling out of the left field. hey, maybe he will eat the loli for me?

oh lol she got her hands on one of trevanchet's trinkets. now that is a fucking deep cut

lamat honey i love you but koana has permanent custody of the braincell doesn't he.

"we need another route" like. oh. idk. the portal under yak'tel? maybe?

okay so confirmed for not the survivors of a rejoined reflection ig? maybe? idek

living memory

lamat you are barred from naming things

sphene acting like she has no choice but to choose the things she does. man it's tiring. only marginally less than everyone being like 'sphene ur a good person y u do dis'. bc she's a bad person hth

and then she has the gall to act like the wol would be down with genocide. bitch. i will fucking cut you

....why is erenville still wearing his gleaner uniform anyway

oh, okay. so sphene is basically a computerised primal of sphene. that explains. i'm still going to cut her, but

[sees water][switches to fsh] aw yeah even the fish are endless

[lovelyfanatical]

I Get a Sugar Rush Whenever I'm With You - Chapter 9.2

Greetings, fellow Drukkari stans! You're getting this mini-chapter while I'm on vacation, so I'm writing to you across space and time! 🤪 If you've fallen behind and need to catch up, you can find all previous installments on my Table of Contents here. Druig and Makkari have cleared the air and Druig is resolved to forget about his feelings, but can he? Find out now in the next mini-chapter of Drukkari in the Great British Bake Off!

The showstopper was proving to be a bit of a disaster. Druig hadn't really thought he'd make it to patisserie week, and with all his fretting over Makkari, he hadn't practiced his bakes for this week that much. So, while the other bakers were busy perfecting their delicate gateaus, Druig was quite sure his was lopsided, and no amount of edible gold would be able to hide it. He was proven correct when Arishem pointed it out during judging. He also found the chocolate rather plain, adding insult to injury.

As with everything else, Druig pushed it aside for now, but this proved rather difficult when interview time rolled around. Considering how the challenge had gone, Darcy had Makkari ready and waiting to conduct his interview. Little did she know that it wouldn't help much this time. Druig did his best to act normal, but he could practically feel himself clamming up more and more with every question. Overall, it still wasn't his worst interview, but Makkari could sense something was off.

Despite this, Makkari didn't pry. Not yet, at least. On the one hand, Druig was grateful. After all, it saved him the anxiety of telling her what was wrong. On the other hand, it made for a pretty awkward lunch. They and Kingo were the first ones to the table. While they swapped bakes and delivered their usual praise, the unsaid words hung in the air between them, making them lapse into plenty of uneasy silences. Even Kingo could feel it, and for once, he didn't comment on it. This was the state Phastos and Gil found them in.

"Rough day, huh?" Gil said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"You could say that," Druig answered.

"Well, we've still got two challenges left. Things could still change," Phastos added. It was still basic, but he was picking up signs and including them where he could.

Very true, Phastos, Makkari concurred, giving him a small smile.

"Hey, at least you'll be back next week either way," Kingo chimed in.

"I suppose that's true," Druig muttered pensively. "Thank you all for trying to cheer me up, but I'd rather not think too hard about it right now."

"We can do that," Gil replied confidently. "Since we're changing the subject, should I tell you guys about my date with Thena?"

Tell us everything!  Makkari signed frantically, a smile springing to her face. Druig couldn't help but smile himself at the sight, even if he could still feel his heart sinking from that morning. With a deep breath, he tried to let the feeling dissipate as he listened to Gilgamesh go into detail about where he and Thena went, what kind of coffee she drank, and how they spent hours talking about anything and everything. And for a little while, Druig did start to forget why he was feeling this way.

-

Lunch was a nice reprieve, but once they were back in the tent, the pressure returned, along with all the things Druig had been avoiding thinking about. He'd been trying to just concentrate on the technical challenge, but with only four of them left, his eyes began to wander to Makkari's station. She was quite focused on the task at hand, making dough for her palmiers. After staring at her a moment too long, Druig averted his gaze, mentally admonishing himself. He was so preoccupied that he ended up overbaking his own palmiers, and with no time left to try again, he had no choice but the present them for judgment. No teeth were chipped, thankfully, but Druig could tell he'd earned last place this week.

Considering how well everyone else had done so far, Druig was coming to the realization that something disastrous would have to befall one of the other bakers if he was to make it to the final next week. He didn't wish that on any of them, least of all Makkari. He'd made it this far, which was much farther than he ever expected. Even so, it was not an easy pill to swallow. Druig was still grappling with this as he waited for his next interview. Another figure took the seat next to him, breaking him out of his reverie.

"So, how are you feeling about… everything?" Phastos asked.

"I should probably save some of it for the interview," Druig began, "but to answer your question, not great."

"Right, of course. Stupid question," Phastos mumbled. "Alright, I'm not great at comforting people outside of my husband and child, so I'm just going to ask what I actually wanted to ask. Just know that you do not need to answer if you don't want to."

"Okay, then?"

Taking a deep breath, Phastos let loose his question: "What's the deal with you and Makkari this week? Did you break up or something?"

If Druig was drinking something, he would've choked on it. As he was not, he merely let out an undignified noise that sounded somewhere between a snort and gasp.

"I guess I hit the nail on the head," Phastos observed triumphantly.

"Not quite. Makkari and I aren't dating."

"Oh," Phastos said, triumph replaced with confusion. "Then what have I been watching the past few weeks?"

Druig merely raised an eyebrow at this, which spurred the other man to keep going.

"Alright, then did you have a fight or something?"

"No, we just… had a misunderstanding, but we cleared that up, so everything is fine," Druig explained carefully.

"Ah, that explains why you're so busy watching her that you burned your palmiers."

"I didn't burn them, just overbaked them."

"Whatever. My point is, and again, you don't have to answer if you don't want to-"

"You say that, but you keep asking."

"And you keep answering. My point is that I can tell something's bothering you, and I know we're not exactly close, but if you want to talk about it… I promise I won't tell anyone here. Just my husband, who's been asking me about all the bakers. Also, I'd rather not have a repeat of lunch tonight at dinner."

Druig watched him out of the corner of his eye. Phastos seemed sincere enough as he awaited his response. Druig sighed loudly before giving him an answer.

"Okay, the short version is we accidentally slept in the same bed and were both a bit embarrassed. She wants to forget about the whole thing, but I don't know if I can do that."

"Oh." Phastos lapsed into silence as he mulled this over, but it didn't last long. "And you don't want to forget because you like her."

"Hit the nail on the head that time," Druig conceded.

"Well, you should probably respect her wishes, which it seems you're already doing. But clearly, it's still eating at you, so this isn't going to be sustainable. Sounds like you need to talk to her."

"You got all that from our conversation just now?"

"That and Ben's hypotheses, which I didn't put much stock in before since he was only getting his info from me, but even from my impartial observations, he could tell that you liked her," Phastos explained. "Look, I'm not one to play matchmaker or love guru or whatever, but I really don't want to deal with more awkward group meals, so for my sake, consider telling her how you feel? Unless you think that will end up making things even more awkward. You know her better than me. Just use your best judgment, I guess."

Phastos had rushed through his last few sentences as he saw Darcy approaching. As he got up to go to his interview, Druig added, "Thanks, Phastos."

The other man gave him an emphatic nod before following Darcy.

-

It was fun to write a bit more Phastos! Hopefully he's not too OOC. Let me know how I did!

Part 32

[wyndford-dekarios-majima]

🤪👯🪐💌 for whoever ur fixated on rn! :3

🤪: What is a trait that fanon would exaggerate? // I say this lovingly because I do this myself; Anthelme is exceedingly French (or the Witcher's equivalent of it) and that's the trait people would magnify most. Nevermind his analytical prowess and his phenomenal mental manipulation skills. Noooope. He's French.

👯: What canon character is he most similar to? // Hard question. The answer I default to is Es/kel, like at-one-point father like son, but thinking on it more there's not much there, and he's nothing like his brother really...Perhaps Dandelion. He's also keeping up a front, not quite in the same way but similarly, and is very open with some things to hide other things. Also, similarly fruity.

🪐: What would be the most popular AU and why? // Definitely Baron AU. Everyone loves royalty x knight. The long and the short of the au is Anthelme stayed in Toussaint when he ran from the school (which is something that happens in canon, just in canon he Goes Back), and due to being older than his brother, despite being adopted, He becomes the baron of Launfal instead of Palmerin.

last one got long so i'm putting it under a cut-

💌: How would their dynamic be portrayed? What might people focus on most? Any misconceptions? // I'm gonna focus on the misconceptions here because there's one really obvious one. Lam/bert is an alcoholic. Anthelme is also a bit alcoholic, but on the 'enjoys too much when he does drink to get drunk' side instead of 'drinks to get drunk Constantly' side. His having a glass of wine every morning would be interpreted as 'he gets drunk every morning', and the ship would probably be labelled problematic because 'they feed into each other's alcoholism problems'. Which is objectively untrue. It'd also get labelled problematic both due to the Wolf boys constantly referring to and seeing each other as brothers (despite Anthelme clearly being isolated from that whole thing, but still being close, when you meet him in game G/eralt wouldn't refer to him as 'brother' and neither would anyone else in the school), and because At One Point Way In The Past, Anthelme saw Es/kel as his father, for obvious reasons (Anthelme being like seven or eight at the time latching onto the person he'd been given to because he's honestly quite used to changing out fathers, backstory thing, but as he grew older it definitely changed into a 'you are a good friend' type relationship, and him seeing Es/kel as a father was pretty fucked anyways because, again, Anthelme was given as a reward for work, he wasn't adopted nor did Es/kel find him and decide to take him on, it was a panic inducing payment that ended in Anthelme being taken to the school because what the fuck else is this 20-something supposed to do with a fucking child), so it'd be like. "oh shipping them is like shipping an uncle and his nephew and also shipping brothers because-" and it's giving me a headache thinking about it. It'd be portrayed in a yaoiful fashion because they do canonically try to eat each other if they're drunk enough and it's also a very 'nobody knows you like I do' type relationship. People would either focus on the cannibalism or the drinking.

[amrrow4]

Superboy Prime Solo Series Idea.

(Mostly ignored Death Metal)

I think Superboy-Prime, if written properly has potential to be a fun anti-gwenpool, after all he knows the stories of DC Comics.

Like a troll in a Comic world, he knows everything about DC Comic Stories (Except Batman similar to how Gwenpool wasn't a deadpool fan, Prime found Batman too grimdark & agnsty)

A his true personality is a comic dork "nice guy" who thinks he's an amazing badass superhero so that's fun the mess with.

Prime just needs a fun superhero story that reminds him of why he liked comics in the first place

And

Some new character/friend (a mortality pet) to keep him in check. Someone who knows his long complicated story and pity's him.

Along with powers that prevent Prime from being able to hurt him so he can speak honestly to him

"You were never a hero Punchie, you're a Tragic Villian ... on yah best day"

These powers (Umbrakenetic, Sunlight Devoring Darkness, Immunity to Physical Attacks) can also weaken restrain Prime when he "loses" control.

Superboy-Prime "It wasn't supposed to be like this, I'm supposed to be a good guy 😭"

Shadow Savior "Hey ... Hey, maybe it wasnt your fault. ... Maybe you're powersuit amplfied your already incredible powers to a point where you kinda lose control"

(Prime also has an unexplained ability to Retcon things. What if he retcons himself be accident)

Superboy-Prime "yeah ... yeah, the suit, it made me crazy and do all that stuff. It wasn't my fault" 😲

Shadow Savior "I never said that..." 😐

Superboy-Prime "this happens all the time in comics, people go through crap and lose control, those JL jerk will totally forgive me" 🙂

Shadow Savior " Maybe they do or Maybe you just avoid them." 🤷

Superboy-Prime: Look at Hal Jordan, he killed way more green lanterns then i ever did, and people forgave him. 😀

Shadow Savior "Say what ... " 😳

Superboy Prime "Yep, and then he tried to re write reality too" 😃

Shadow Savior "Weren't there entire moments off your villian history where you weren't wearing the ... you know what nevermind" 🤭

Superboy Prime "I'm still a hero!"🤪

Shadow Savior: Sure thing Punchie, 👍

Superboy-Prime "Wait the JL jerks will never believe me"

Shadow Savior ".... I'm hungry "

Superboy-Prime: What am I gonna do now?

Shadow Savior: I'm gonna go get some food?

Superboy-Prime: What?

Shadow Savior: Did you want anything? Do you still eat?

Superboy-Prime "HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO ME AT ALL??!!!"

Shadow Savior "Are you having a villain freak out without your suit?

Superboy-Prime: ... No

Shadow Savior: Good, now how about we go get some food and you can complain about the current DC crisis ... again.

Superboy-Prime: ... so it started with this crybaby Pariah.

(IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR THANKS FOR READING THIS)

[honeyhuii]

hiiii kai omg can i request a taemin angst? i loved your baek x chanyeol fic so so soooo much!!! thank you in advance!

Not In Love...

Lee Taemin x Reader

Non-Idol Au, Lovers to Exes

Genre: Heavy Angst

Warnings: Swearing, you might cry

Word count: 1001

Rating: Pg13, just swearing

A/n Thank you Sarah for requesting this!! I'm glad you liked your vday fic! I hope I make you cry with this fic as well! :) This is also somewhat based off of real life 🤪

The rain was pouring down and a typical day for you. Countless thoughts ran through your head as you sat in the noisy café. You were supposed to be meeting your boyfriend here for your usual Wednesday café date.

However, unexpectedly, he was running rather late today...about an hour and forty-five minutes late... At this point, you really don't think he's showing up. You keep checking both your watch and phone every five minutes, but every minute that keeps passing, there's still no sign of Taemin showing up. Nor has he replied to your text messages saying that he'll be late or that he won't even be able to come.

Rather strange, you thought to yourself. Usually he'd let you know that he wasn't going to be able to make it or that he was going to be late. He must be really stuck at work that he can't even look at your messages...yeah that must be it.

You send a quick text to Taemin, letting him know that you were going back to the apartment and that you will see him when he gets home for work. That you hope he isn't overworking himself too much.

You get out of your seat and grab your things. You smile and nod to the staff and say your goodbyes. Everyone who worked there knew you and Taemin very well. Since you were both regular customer there, that's how you met even. After meeting there for the first time, you guys made it a date spot, and the staff slowly watched you two fall in love with one another. Don't tell the other regulars, but you two are definitely their favourite customers.

You walked out the door of the café and made your way to yours and Taemin's shared apartment. The rain continued to thud against the concrete of the street. You were currently battling against it using your thin jacket. The weather app told you it wasn't supposed to rain today, apparently that's not the only thing that will lie to you today.

Once you finally arrive to you apartment, you shake of your jacket and immediately pull it off of you. You kick off your shoes and put your keys in the bowl, spotting the other set in there already...weird. Maybe Taemin just got back? Whatever.

"No," he replies curtly, scooting away from you.

You head to the shared bathroom and grab a towel to start drying your hair. You also peel off your wet clothes and throw them in the hamper. You change into fresh dry clothes and head to the living room. You take notice of Taemin sprawled on the couch watching a movie, your favourite movie. He must've been waiting for you to get home, so he can apologize for not telling you he wouldn't be coming.

"Hey Tae. Did you forget that we had a date today," You ask, sitting next to him, wanting cuddles after the long day you've had.

"What's wrong love? Did you have a bad day at work? How about we order take out for dinner and put on your favourite movie," You pull out your phone to order his favourite.

"No."

"No what my love?"

"To everything. I want to break up with you. Since my name is on the lease, I'm taking the apartment, please move out by tomorrow."

"What the fuck Taemin? Why the hell are you doing this? We were literally just telling each other we loved each other YESTERDAY. What the hell happened in that 24hour time span?"

"You said it and meant it. I said it and didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"You know all those times I've ever said I loved you? I never meant them. God, I only got this fucking apartment because you wanted to move in with me. I didn't want to."

"What the fuck? You act like I was even the one who said it first! You act like I was the one who asked YOU to move in with ME. I guess work must've fried your brain to make you fucking forget that this was your idea and yeah I wanted it to because who the fuck wouldn't want to move in with their boyfriend of three years?"

Voices were raised as well as tempers. Blame being put on the other instead of their lack of communication. The rain poured with each shout as you continued to fight with one another. But honestly, who can blame you, you wanted to know why he was with you when he never even loved you.

"Let me ask you one question before I leave, Taemin." You walk to the bedroom, that you can no longer say is shared with you, and start putting your clothes in a bag. Guess you'll have to message your best friend and ask her if you can spend sometime there until you find a place for yourself.

"What?" He folds his arms and leans against the doorframe. Something you once thought of attractive, but now only leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

"Did you even like me? The entire time we were dating? Did you even like me at all?"

"To be honest? No. I didn't even like you. I don't know why I agreed when you asked me out and why I kept going on dates with you. Maybe I pitied you. Maybe thought you were looked rather pathetic pining after me. Maybe I thought I could help you. I don't know to be truthful."

Those words hit you like a freight train. Why the fuck did you ask? You should've known the answer already. By how he never looked you in the eyes anytime you confessed your feeling to each other. Or how it takes him a few seconds to start kissing back. Or maybe the fact that anytime you did anything intimate with him, like cuddling, he would scoff and get annoyed. When they say love is blind, did they truly mean it.

You stiffly nod and finish packing your things, "I'll be back tomorrow with boxes for the rest of my things. Goodbye Taemin."

Taglist: @mhyori1117

[mlmxreader]

A Smile to Melt a Thousand Hearts | Obi Wan Kenobi

request; "“You’re smiling!” w/ obi-wan kenobi? I want to see his smile that can melt hearts and outshine the sun itself 😭 also I’m supposed to be paying attention in my zoom class but 🤪🤪 thank you again jack ilysm!!! <33" // @thenlookatyourphones

summary; Obi Wan has the best smile, and you know it.

notes; gender neutral reader, frat!Obi

Obi Wan was popular for many many reasons, from his golden boy squeaky clean record with lecturers, to his charm and friendliness towards students, it was easy to see why the frat boy that didn't quite like parties was so popular; it was common for him to sneak away from his fraternity house when there was a party ablaze, books hidden in his messenger bag as he kept his head down and his hood up, dark spots on his favourite brown hoodie from the splattering rain, shivers running through his body as the droplets sank their teeth into his clothes and onto his skin. Obi Wan's footsteps splashed in small puddles as he trudged down the little lane to you, his significant other, he was grateful when he saw the red door, even more grateful when it opened right when he was about to raise a wet fist and rap upon the painted wood.

“Get inside, you're soaked,” you chucked, ushering him into your kitchen and taking his bag, a little caught off guard by the weight of it as you lifted it onto the counter and rested the strap on the front. You wiped the rain that had clung to it off of the palm of your hands and onto the burgundy hoodie you had stolen from him so long ago. “Fucking Hell, it's pissing it down out there... why didn't you stay at home, Obi?”

He shrugged as he grumbled, fumbling to wriggle out of the clingy brown hoodie until you rushed over to help, a small puddle forming on the kitchen laminate when you shook the fabric from his shoulders. “You know how much I hate parties when you're not there, (y/n). Besides, I wanted to see you, in private.”

In private, that wasn't very good, normally that meant breakups and heartache and pain and misery, and to think of it made you frown as you bit the inside of your cheek, tugging at it until you could taste the slightest bit of blood. “In private? Why?”

Taking a couple of steps forward, Obi Wan sighed as his arms circled around your waist, pulling you in close as he rested his forehead on your shoulder and closed his eyes, another soft sigh coming from his throat. “I just wanted to see you without any interference, to be honest... sometimes I like having you all to myself.”

Returning the embrace, you allowed the sweet relief to come over you in a relaxing and soft wave, the tension that had built up in your worry suddenly melting away as you swallowed thickly to get rid of it. “You had me worried for a second there, Kenobi... I thought you were gonna dump me.”

Pulling away, Obi Wan furrowed his brows as he tilted his head, pursing his lips for a moment as he did his best not to smile. “Why would I dump you? You're amazing, (y/n), I love you. I... nobody could ever compare to you, my love.”

“Is that a promise?” You asked softly, almost whispering.

He nodded. “Of course it is. I love you.”

And just like that, came another reason why Obi Wan was so popular: his smile. Even just when it was starting to crack and to form, Obi Wan had a smile that could melt a thousand hearts, sink a hundred ships, and could devastate a heart; when his smile grew slightly bigger, you couldn't help but to smile back, it was so infectious. You loved his smile.

“Look at that!” You gasped with just a little bit of extra dramatic flair. “You're smiling!”

Rolling his eyes, Obi Wan quickly pulled you back against his chest, holding you tightly as he chuckled. “Shut up.”

“Mmm, make me,” you hummed, making no move to even look up at him as you found sanctuary and tranquility in being in his arms. “Can you let me go so I can put your hoodie in the tumble dryer, Obi?”

“No,” he replied jovially, “not until I've held you for a little longer.”

tags; @aesthetically-bii @befreebehappya012 @bellobi @cadyulie @chogisss @ewansblve @frosted-starlight @galactic-magick @king-trash-goblin @punkpascal @princess-of-fuckup @profkenobi @ronaldrx @rentskenobi @spnfanboy777 @saintlaurentkenobi @snips-n-skyguy0501 @theamazingschneiderman @thefreakydeaky

[divineslcyer]

 🌿🤪

Mistletoe meme - @akagamiko

Mishil had to admit, Shanks really did know how to party. She used to hate parties, being around loud noises and even louder people. It was a mix of the prejudice she'd suffered before and her own enhanced senses. She had to train herself to ease up her own senses, although she only visited cities when necessary, even after her training.

But Shanks kept his own festivities just among his crewmates---men he trusted and knew how to party just as well. Mishil had found herself catching his familiar scent and locating the redhead by following her nose, and the sound of laughter. She had half-joked she'd followed the smell of booze and didn't feel surprised it led her to him.

❝ Oy Shanks, c'mon--We gotta get back to your boys. ❞ Mishil snickered when he swayed, slinging his arm over her shoulder and giving her a hearty squeeze. ❝ C''mooon Mishil! It's Christmas! We're supposed' to drink n' be merry! Meeeerrryyyy! ❞

She rolled her eyes, leveraging his arm over her shoulders. ❝ Aye, but your crew won't be too merry if I don't bring you back in one piece. ❞

He pouted,❝ Aw, they'll be fine---more to the point, why aren't you as drunk? Didn't we drink the same amount? ❞

Mishil wrinkled her nose playfully, ❝ Cuz I'm a better drinker than you. ❞ She only learned through her devil fruit abilities, she burned away at the alcohol in her system. It wasn't that she couldn't get drunk, just that it didn't last her very long. He gasped in mock offense, ❝ That's rude! I'm an excellent drinker! ❞

❝ You're heavy is what you are--I should drop you. ❞ Purposely, he shifted more of his weight against her side. ❝ You wouldn't drop an' old friend would you Misha? ❞

Ah, her old pet name--it was one he invented years ago when they had both been younger. She couldn't help the smile that tugged at her mouth. He'd been her first friend after the horror she'd suffered in eating this devil fruit--an accident when she'd plucked it, half-starved and unknowing what it was.

Shanks had insisted she wasn't a monster. Always so kind.

❝ Not fair if you use that old nickname. ❞ She mused, pausing just past the street archway to glance at him. The sea-breeze swept past them both, tugging down her hood and freeing her mane of hair. Back on Roger's deck, they had both been teased for their red hair.

She blinked when she felt fingers brush her cheek, gently pulling at her hair. ❝ Letting it grow now are ya? ❞ He spoke softly, letting the strand curl around his finger. Dark lashes rose, the gold of her eyes glowing dimly in the moonlight. ❝ Eh, I figured with being called Huntress, I should let it grow wild and crazy. Suits me, right? ❞

He snorted, ❝ Suits you, fine lass, always has. ❞ He straightened, easing off his arm and grabbing the ends of her hood. She watched him curiously, letting him fix it back over her head, much like how he used to do so in the past. She used to hate it being down, revealing her features and markings many found bizarre.

❝ Mistletoe. ❞

She blinked, staring up at him. ❝ Huh? ❞ She looked up, only just noticing the plant over their head mixed with decorations. That was all she saw before she realized the gap shrinking between them, ❝ Shanks-- ❞ The quietest warning before his mouth closed over hers, surprising her. No one... ever dared to kiss her. Too terrified or hardly seeing her as anything beyond a beast.

His hold on her cloak shifted to her collar, keeping her close. Mishil tilted her chin up, letting the kiss remain chaste and soft. Her lashes fluttered shut for a moment, savoring the sensation before she drew back. Their noses brushed against one another, and just as he leaned close again her hand patted his chest lightly, pausing his movements.

❝ Easy there Red. ❞ She cleared her throat, a faint blush dusting her cheeks.

He smirked, looking soberer than moments before. It made her suspicious. Had he planned this? ❝ Can't blame me for trying hm? ❞ She scoffed, ❝ Sure I can. Now let's get you back to your ship before you try anything else. ❞ Her heartbeat still needed to settle down.

She made sure to fix her hood when they started walking again, ignoring his cackle when she realized her face still felt warm.