#taemin x reader angst

[youaremycosmo]

《Just more love to you》 taemin x reader scenario

As always, hope you'll like this scenario and short-tempered Taeminnie xD I'm thankful for every like&repost, hugs to all of you ❤️ Word count// 4,019 words

Pairing// Taemin x you

Summary// Taemin is your 25-year-old fiancé, who has been working as a dancer and choreographer since he graduated from high school. Despite your breakup and 3-year break, you came back together realizing that you couldn't live without each other, and you are trying to get used to the differences that arose while you were away. You're going to a house party to his friend you haven't met before. Henry turns out to be a truly charming and easy-going idol, catching everyone's attention. On the way home, when you're a little drunk, Taemin can't stand it and lets out all his jealousy. This is met with a rather unexpected reaction from you, while your whole life you have been setting Taem up with his ridiculous possessiveness.

Inspired by Life Bar's Taemin & Henry episode.

Genre// fluff, angst (???)

Warnings// possessive behavior, feeling guilty over things you normally shouldn't?, drunken state, swearing

MASTERLIST

- Why are you looking at me like that? - you asked Taemin with a giggle, sitting on the dresser to put on your shoes.

You and Tae were leaving for a small house party to his friend Henry. You didn't know him at all, except that you knew he was an idol.

- Nothing, just... - his gaze moved over your entire body, from your exposed shoulders with only the thin straps of your dress, through the black brocade material that tightly wrapped your figure, to the end of it halfway down your thigh. Instead of breasts, it showed off your legs and overall proportions very nicely. - I wonder how long you've been wearing dresses like that - he added, clearly shy, glancing at the keys in his hand. - Since I'm older, Tae - you replied, amused by his words, zipping up your high-heeled boots and standing up. - I'm not fifteen anymore, I guess I can wear something other than a sweatshirt? - you smirked, reaching for your coat.

Taemin quickly took it over from you though, helping you get dressed, which allowed you to keep looking at him in the mirror. Compared to you, he had chosen more casual clothes, just a cream sweater and black tight pants. You didn't think he looked less graceful than you, because it really emphasized his broader shoulders and the V-neck showed off a bit of his muscular chest when he leaned over.

- You don't like it? - you asked as Taem fixed your hair, hidden under black coat. - I like it - he admitted affectionately, cuddling up to you. He rested his chin on your shoulder, gazing in the mirror. - You look really gorgeous. Where did I get such a beautiful fiancée? - he purred, nuzzling into your neck and kissing it here. - Where did I get such a beautiful fiancé? - you replied equally tenderly, turning your head and placing a sweet kiss on his lips. - We should go now, right? - you checked the time and took your bag as Taemin nodded, relaxing his hands.

It was about an hour from Seoul to Henry's apartment, which you easily filled with conversations and singing your favorite songs. One of the things you loved doing together was going for drives, when you always held hands and Taem would show off his vocal skills. However, you were very eager to take over all the rap parts.

When you arrived and entered the apartment, Henry looked like he was a really good friend of Taemin's, greeting him so warmly. Well, it seemed that the period in which your fiancé started meeting famous people passed without your presence and you were left with an accomplished fact. This made you a bit embarrassed because, to you, these were still people you only saw on TV and the internet. And it reminded you that Taemin was no longer your unknown boyfriend, but a person that many celebrities in the industry already knew due to his polished skills. Taem himself didn't boast about who exactly he worked with, telling stories mostly about technical things, so you slowly got to know his new friends.

You just stood in the corridor, biting your lip and looking around curiously when Henry asked how he was doing. You were even more shy when the first thing Taemin said was "I'm engaged" as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

- Tae - you groaned softly, elbowing his ribs. Ten seconds and you already wanted to vanish into thin air, examining the upscale decor and the boy in front of you who looked like he was on the cover of a magazine. Correction, he actually was on magazine covers. - Oh, this is Taemin's famous fiancée - Henry gave you a charming smile, pulling out his hand to you. - Nice to meet you, I've heard so much about you… I’m Henry - he introduced himself. - It’s so nice to meet you too, I’m y/n - you squeezed his hand. - Please don't talk like that, I feel so shy - you whined with your cheeks slightly flushed, taking off your coat.

- But I'm just telling the truth, Taemin has become a man who just got engaged, he says that to everyone - he said in amusement, leading you to the living room.

You glanced at your fiancé. Taem didn't even deny it, just rearranging his glamorous burgundy hair at a run and smiling widely.

When you greeted everyone and took a comfortable seat at the large table filled with food, you were already impressed by Henry's behavior. You weren't surprised at all why he became an idol and why he must have been popular, he had a typical bubbly personality. He was simply everywhere and seemed to find common ground with everyone compared to you and Taemin. You both were a bit more withdrawn and introverted, needing time to be comfortable with newfound people. 

The first thing Henry did when everyone was finally gathered and he sat down at the table was opening a beer. However, he couldn't do it normally, coming up with a different way for every person, to which you and Taemin reacted by looking at each other and giggling quietly, wrinkling your noses. When it was your turn, you bit your lip lightly in anticipation and little stress from so many pairs of eyes on you. 

- For this beautiful lady... - Henry smiled broadly, leaning the bottle cap on the table and swiped his hand at it.

- No, no, you'll hurt yourself - you squealed worriedly, tensing up and grabbing Taemin's wrist out of nerves.

- Don't be nervous, oppa can do it - he assured with a flirty smile, immediately opening it for you, which was met with loud cheers from everyone. You bursted out laughing and took the bottle, thanking him. Saying he charmed the pants off you was an understatement. 

The next hour or so was mostly spent around him. Henry told funny stories about his life, bringing the house down. You were so engrossed in them that you didn't even pay attention to the amount of alcohol you were drinking, hugging Tae's shoulder more and more whenever you heard something hilarious. Henry was talking about how he was accepted into the company and practiced his skills, suddenly mentioning Taemin.

- Taemin is the best dancer I know - he replied cheekily when someone said that he danced well. - I think so too, but I look at him and... - he shook his head in a funny manner, and Tae giggled charmingly, waving his hand. It was the first time in a few minutes that you paid attention back to your fiancé, who was now telling a story about how he got lost in the new company building and Henry was the first person he asked for directions, and later it turned out that he was supposed to practice with him.

You rested your cheek on your hand, staring intently at Taem as he spoke. He was so adorable, trying not to burst out laughing while telling all this. He definitely wasn't as easy-going as Henry, but he was so damn handsome and endearing in profile, especially when he blinked his eyes so cutely. And Tae was definitely confident too, he just had a more mysterious and dignified aura around him. That's why you couldn't help but wrap your arms around his shoulder, giving him a kiss on the cheek as everyone focused on the host again. Still, you kept all those thoughts to yourself, frowning in surprise when the chair from the table across from you was pulled out all of sudden and Henry brought over a handheld burner along with a few other things. His clothes were now covered by a kitchen apron, which was unusual.

You had already been drinking beer and soju a while ago, but you didn't care, knowing that Tae would drive and stay sober to take charge of you. So you poured yourself another glass, devouring it right away.

- Woah, that's really daebak - you commented, being in awe when he started flipping the pan in the air. You shifted slightly in your seat to get a better look at how he did it so effortlessly, explaining that he took a cooking class for 4 months to record some scenes for the show. You didn't even notice your hand tightening on Taem's sweater as Henry started cutting up all the ingredients. He was able to prepare peppers so quickly that some people began to simply take videos of him. Then he crushed and chopped garlic as if he had been born doing it, and finally poured everything into the pan.

- My dear ladies - he gazed at all the women in turn. - Don't worry, Chef Henry has everything under control - he chirped before setting the contents of the pan on fire, stirring everything in the air. Your lips parted without realizing it, like all the other girls at the table watching it. Henry was just really talented plus he had the personality to dress it up in a way that left people completely fascinated by him. You smiled as he placed the finished dish on a plate, and all of you leaned over with chopsticks to try it.

Before you could do anything, Taemin's hand with chopsticks grabbed one of the pieces of meat. He blew them for a moment and brought it to your lips. You ate it without thinking much, busy taking a piece of pepper. - It's really good - you and the others complimented, eyes still glued to the plate. Your coordination was definitely not the best anymore, and you were far too amused.

You didn't even know when, it was three in the morning and it was about time to finally say goodbye. Henry made sure that everyone who was staying had a place to sleep, and besides, most of them were in a similar condition as you, so after a short goodbye to him, you left with your other friends who were going home.

- Woah, it went by so quickly - you heaved a sigh, putting on your seat belt in the car with some difficulty. You were definitely a little tipsy and not focused anymore on what you were saying and doing, which is why Taem had to assist you the whole way, and most importantly, walk slowly because you were feeling dizzy. - Actually, we were all eyes as he went on and on the whole evening, Tae, I don't think I've ever met such a person! - you said, impressed, but then frowned slightly when Taemin started driving the car. You just needed a moment to get used to the feeling. - And his apartment... oh gosh, I've never been in such an apartment in my life, I wonder how much he earns per month - you slightly adjusted your short dress. - I was worried that I wouldn't be able to be comfortable, but he has such a personality that I immediately stopped worrying. He broke the ice so quickly, it's like I've known him for a long time, I don't know how - you laughed cordially, satisfied with how the evening passed. 

Taemin remained silent the entire time and let you speak whatever came to your tongue. He stayed focused on the road and in the end, the silence caught your attention.

- Are you tired, Taeminnie? - you asked caringly, stroking his shoulder. - Next time we'll stay at his place so you can have a drink too - you said quietly in a warm voice. - Or we'll switch, you're cute when you're drunk... - you giggled to yourself. - On the other hand, they probably won't fall asleep until the morning, because Henry will still be...

- Ah, that's enough - Tae interrupted you, clearly irritated. - I saw the way you all looked at him. And you had your mouth gaped open all the time, tugging on my arm every time he showed a trick - he called this out so suddenly. You glanced at his profile, because this words were starting to tug at your heartstrings. - Well, it was my fiancé's arm, however you put it - you muttered, looking away towards the window. - You're right, it was about Henry and Henry all the evening, he was hitting on each of the girls equally - he continued, unfazed by your answer. His voice sounded painfully disappointed. You placed your knees on the dashboard, sliding deeper into the seat. - Take off those legs, you'll break them if there's an accident - he pointed out to you, but it wasn’t so kind and caring as usual. - Then drive so as not to have an accident - you replied, being already so cut up. Normally, you would have calmed down the situation somehow, or on the contrary - argued with Taemin, but you were a little tipsy. And it turned your emotions upside down.

That's why you were now sitting with your face covered with your hair completely. You silently dissolved into tears, feeling guilty over every single reaction to Henry. You were so sorry due to his accusations. Henry was just being nice, maybe a little too flirty, but you would never do anything inappropriate.

You shouldn't go there at all. Then the evening would be nicer, and Taemin wouldn't be annoyed by you being an ungrateful fiancée, who googled another man so shamelessly. You couldn't control yourself more and finally sniffed hard, unable to keep your shallow breathing and swallowed tears in silence. In a second, Taemin reached for the strands of your hair, catching a glimpse of your already tear-stained face.

- I thought you fell asleep, why are you crying? - he asked, clearly surprised.  - Because you're angry with me - you sobbed, covering your lips with your hand and just completely losing it. You moved closer to the door, cringing as much as you could.

You heard the turn signal, and soon the car was in the emergency lane.  - Baby, I... I'm not angry with you, come on - his voice wasn't as sharp and irritated anymore, going back to what you were used to. But he was just trying to unscramble the egg. - Love, look at me - Tae unbuckled his belt and reached for your shoulder, rubbing it lightly. You just shooked your head. - I... I'm sorry... I… - you sobbed, choking on your tears.

The next thing you heard was the door opening on his side. It seemed like he didn't want to be near you anymore at this point, which saddened you even more. And you sat there for a few seconds alone, bawling your eyes out. Suddenly, the handle on your side was pulled, letting some water in, because it was raining really hard. Taemin sat on the doormat with his legs still outside, closing the door as tight as possible to keep you from getting wet. His hair and clothes were already soaked, but he didn't seem to care much about that. He unbuckled your belt and pulled you into his embrace. 

- Shhh... baby… - Taem muttered, running his hands along your spine. - Don't cry, please... you know my heart bleeds when you cry - he said softly, kissing the side of your head. - I said too much, definitely too much... I shouldn't have jumped on you like that about such a silly thing… - Y-you didn't say t-too much, you said w-what you thought.. - you cried, snuggling into his loving arms. - I shouldn't have gone there at all… - I was the one who suggested we go there. I know him well and... - he sighed quietly, blowing air lightly over your earlobe. - I don't know, normally I didn't mind, but I felt weird when he picked on you... Even if you were so close to me - he whispered directly into your ear. - It's not your fault, it's me... I want to have you only for myself. I don't want anyone to take you away from me. I don’t want to... - his voice was confident and dominant as usual, but suddenly it cracked slightly. - I just can't cope without you - he finally admitted, sounding so uneasy. 

You pulled away slightly, reaching up to cup his cheeks. - You know that I love you more than anything in the world, my cutie patootie - you kissed his forehead dotingly. - You're my charming fiancé and... and… You're like the cherry in the whipped cream on a huge ten-tier chocolate cake with caramel and... and... what was it? - you sniffed sharply, trying to remember what you wanted to say. - Nevermind, anyway…- his hand rubbing your cheeks carefully distracted you a bit. - I love you - you said, maybe a little too sweetly yet aggressively. - There's no other man I look at like that, and even if he seemed nice showing off like that, people like that are tiring - you groaned. - I'm tired after a few hours, but I can spend the whole day with you and not be tired at all…  I... I love you more than anyone else and we can get married even now - you assured him, and Tae started wiping your nose with tissue.

- I know that, I'm sorry, sweetheart - he replied, looking into your eyes. - Just some part of me… - he frowned as he couldn’t find accurate words. - It's hard for me not to think like that when... - But you're the only man in my life and you're the most handsome, really - you said with full conviction, interrupting him. - And you're the most talented, you dance a thousand times better than him and... and... - you glanced around the car for next compliments. - And you’re so amazing when you play the piano… and your voice is more lovely, too - you got closer again and smooched him tenderly on the lips. - And no one fucks me like you do and… cum in me… and…  - you sniffled hard, trying to breathe properly while this no ending stream of affection flooded out of you. - And you’re my sunshine when you laugh... and in general, personally, I think you have the most beautiful smile in the world... and you are always my hero when it is something scary, because i got scared so easily, but you not...

Taemin's eyes were now buttery and filled with love. He was very careful not to laugh at this drunken declaration of love, perhaps a little too vulgar, but definitely sincere. It wasn't often that you were this effusive with your feelings, and Tae treasured these moments especially dearly, trying to mentally commit every silly compliment about himself to his mind.

- My cooking isn’t like his, though… - he asked, tilting his head curiously. - Cooking... oh, you cook the best too! - you chirped with enthusiasm, even though Taem, compared to Henry, could only make a few dishes and had to be extremely careful not to burn it.

Taemin pursed his lips into a thin line, blinking a few times. He knew well that he wasn't particularly good at it and he could learn a lot from Henry. - But I'm not very good at cooking and you know it - he replied as he was trying to tease you.

- But your cooking tastes better for me! - your reply was so fast and confident with your hands on his shoulders. - Oh... and you're definitely better built, your muscles are really... - you ran your hands over his biceps, letting out a loud sigh. - I think… I'm getting a little horny - you admitted with a flirty smile, and Taemin allowed himself to chuckle a little. - How could I be mad at such an adorable baby like you? - he purred, taking your hands in his and kissing them fondly. - You’re cute as a button, I swear…Give your fiancé a kiss - he asked sweetly, and you reached up to cup his cheeks again. You pecked his full, kissable lips a few more times, making sure each one was met with a satisfying ‘mwah’. - Show you something? - you proposed with a mischievous smile, pulling away slightly. - What do you want to show me? - Taem’s eyes gleamed. 

You slipped your hands out of the sleeves of your winter jacket. You remained in just a rather skimpy dress. At this point, you were thankful that you had decided not to wear a bra underneath, making it very easy to do what you wanted in this tipsy condition. You quickly removed the thin straps from your shoulders and slid the fabric down, shamelessly showing him your breasts in all their glory.

- Ah, what are you doing? - Taemin cracked up and quickly covered your chest again while glancing sideways. - Apparently, just some men can bear women's tears, but even fewer the sight of hand warmers - you explained, extremely pleased with yourself.

- Hand warmers? - he asked with amusement, tilting his head to the side.

- Pabo - you rolled your eyes, taking his hands and placing them on your breasts, sliding the fabric down again. - Your hands are cold, indeed... But don't worry, my twins will keep you warm...

Taemin looked down for a moment, clearing his throat loudly, but in reality he was stifling his uncontrollable laughter.

- You really are one of a kind, jagiya - he giggled heartily. - But let’s just let the heating work and you'll stay nicely wrapped in your jacket - he decided, starting to help you get dressed. - Oh… I thought we… - you pouted, letting him do whatever he wanted anyway. - What were you thinking?- Taem asked, slipping your hands delicately into sleeves.

- Well... that, you know, well... - you sighed quietly, frowning a little. - That you will stick your big, hard dick inside me, all the way to your balls... - Hola, hola, take it easy, cowgirl - he let a belly laugh, zipping up your jacket. - You know we don't have sex when we're drunk…- he admonished you, pointing his finger. - But I just drank two beers, i’m not drunk - you groaned, leaning forward and lightly biting his finger with mischief.

- Not two, but four. You can’t even remember, and am i supposed to believe you? - he smiled warmly and stroked your head. - Is it alright now? - Tae asked fondly with slight worry in his eyes. 

You nodded a little too enthusiastic, reassuring him that everything was fine. - Or maybe you'd just like me to suck you off? - you straightened up just thinking about it. - I can do it on our way home, so... - Baby, please - he chuckled, putting the belt back on you. - Tomorrow, okay? Tomorrow I'll let you do everything… - he assured and stood up, placing a kiss on your forehead before returning to his seat through the rain. Taem immediately turned on the heater, but before he returned the car to the road, he stared at you once more. - I'm sorry, princess. I shouldn't act like this to you - he said quietly, putting his elbow on the armrest and caressing your cheek gently. You moved closer, hugging his arm. - It’s okay, jealous hottie - you assured, nuzzling your cheek into his slightly wet sweater and closing your eyes. You only felt him lovingly ruffle your hair and starting the car. 

After a while you fell asleep, wrapped in the sound of rain tapping on the windows and Tae's delicate voice, who was singing softly songs from the playlist under his breath.

[mykoreanlove]

i am beyond ✨delulu✨ for this man

“Y/N! Baby! Love of my life! Y/N!”

Taemin’s longing calls filled the whole apartment.

It had been a lazy day for both of you; you had not even bothered to leave the bed.

“I’m coming!”, you screamed back, hoping he’d hear you in the other room.

You smiled to yourself as you applied the vanilla-scented lotion all over your body, taking your time to pamper yourself some more. You deeply inhaled the scent and reveled in the feelings it gave you. Safety, comfort, and love, just like Taemin did.

The look in the mirror confirmed it beautifully – you were glowing, radiating with love and happiness like never before.

“Y/N!”

You shook your head laughing and put on a silky robe, making your way over to your bratty boyfriend.

It was dark as the sun had already set but the golden fairy lights he had put up in the whole apartment guided you on your way to him.

Taemin sat on the leather couch, eagerly waiting for you. He wasn’t wearing anything but grey sweats, showing off his upper body deliciously.

His eyes glowed as brightly as the fairy lights as he finally saw you.

“Y/N!”, he smiled happily.

You walked over to him with the biggest smile on your lips, eternally grateful to be loved like that.

Taemin’s eyes didn’t leave you as you walked over to him, quite the opposite actually. He was looking you up and down, gracefully admiring what was his.

You sat down on his lap and brushed away his dark, long hair, exposing his beautiful features even more.

“Why did you call me?”, you whispered innocently.

His hands roamed your body cautiously, treating your delicate skin like marble. Soon after, they landed forcefully on your ass, squeezing, and pulling you closer to him.

“I just missed you too much.”, he answered truthfully.

“We spent the whole day fucking and you still miss me?”, you laughed out loud.

“Technically, it wasn’t the whole day”, he whispered while looking into your eyes deeply. “Let’s make it that though.”

You placed a soft kiss on his plush lips while mumbling.

“You’re insatiable, Lee Taemin.”

Taemin broke the kiss and looked at you, hands at your sides squeezing.

“How could I not be when it’s you, y/n?”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach, once again, you were falling for him.

Your lips crashed onto each other, hungrily longing for more.

Wandering hands, grazing teeth, soft lips, and dirty kisses – Taemin loved you in the same way he performed his music: artistically and eclectically.

You were grinding on him, feeling the hard bulge against your throbbing core.

His hands wandered to the front of your robe, untying the knot, and slipping it off your shoulders.

“That’s a very pretty gown, baby. But it looks better on the floor if you ask me.”

You chuckled as you slid it off entirely, exposing your nude body to him.

His eyes widened once more, admiring every single inch of you. Even though he had seen you naked millions of times, he was still taken aback by it. He never made you feel ordinary or taken for granted, no, he made you feel like a precious gem, like something you would die for.

“I was right. You look way better without it.”, he mused.

He placed a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“Taste so good”, he mumbled against your skin.

He buried his head into your neck and inhaled your scent.

“Smell so good”, he muttered quietly.

Taemin loved praising you, whereas you loved the feeling of being praised. His worship got to your head, turning you into a throbbing mess.

“Taemin”, you whined as you circled your hips once more.

“What is it? Is my baby needy?”

You cried out in frustration, needing him right this instant.

His eyes wandered to his crotch, smirking while doing so. The area was dark grey, proof of how needy you truly were.

He shook his head in fake disapproval and looked at you once more.

“So needy for me, huh? Leaking on my sweatpants like that?”

Your cheeks turned rosy, slightly embarrassed by your actions.

“Adorable”, he muttered under his breath as he saw you get shy and look down.

“You really need me that badly, huh?”

You nodded again. With a swift motion he got up from the couch while still holding you, walking towards the bedroom once more.

“Can’t say no to that, can I?”

[vergilthelibrarian]

A Sweet Love.

Love at first sight was something that you never really believed in. It wasn’t that you didn’t believe in love, it was more so of you just thinking that the concept of love at first sight being silly.

In your eyes, love took time.

It starts off as an infatuation, your cheeks becoming warm whenever you look at your object of desire. How flustered you get whenever you converse. How butterflies would fly so much in your stomach, you fear they may fly out of your mouth whenever you were near them.

And then those intense feelings began to settle down. Your nerves tend to calm and though you still feel your heart skip a beat, there is a warmth there. A loving pain in your heart whenever you think of them or are reminded of anything of them, and you realize right then and there that you are in love.

Taemin made you feel all those things. From the intense feelings that comes with a crush, to the sweet feeling sting of your heart when you realized that you were in love.

Though you yourself did not believe in love at first sight, Taemin on the other hand, did.

When he first saw you in the practice room, Cupid truly had shot an arrow in his heart.

Usually, Taemin could flirt pretty well but with you, he became rather awkward. Tongue tied the first time he ever said hi to you as he introduced himself, stumbling over his words, his cheeks turning rosy but the sweet giggle that fell from your lips rung through his ear and shook his body and he knew right then and there that you were the one.

His soulmate, twin flame, you name it. You were all of that to Taemin and more.

And he knew he would have to tell you. Because if he didn’t, you were going to be whisked away, out of his reach and into the arms of someone else and he hated to admit it, but he was rather selfish when it came to you. He was greedy for your love.

The look of surprise that painted his features when you also admitted your feelings for him was one that made you giggle. It was cute. You always found the things he did cute and funny.

But, as time passed and the more time you spent with him, practicing and performing at music shows and concerts, you began to realize that there was a reason you always found the things Taemin did cute and funny. Why your heart would flutter when you would think of him. Why you would smile when were reminded of him by things that others would consider to be mundane.

You were in love.

You had fell and didn’t even notice the fall.

But it was a wonderful feeling to be in love and it was even more wonderful to have the one you love, love you back and to love you back passionately.

But what wasn’t wonderful, was having to hide that love from the world.

Taemin was celebrity, the crown Prince of Kpop.

You on the other hand was just a back up dancer and though the others around you didn’t mind the relationship, apparently they would tease Taemin for his deep infatuation for you, society will not be as nice.

To the majority, if Taemin were to be in a relationship, it had to be with another celebrity. Whether that celebrity is a singer like him, or an actor or model, they had to be on his level. Why would he date some back up dancer? It would be silly to have a backup dancer as a girlfriend...

So, you two thought it was best to hide your love as best as you could, but that didn’t mean that you never loved each other in public.

Whenever a performance was over, Taemin would walk with you offstage, a smile on his face as he talked about how great you were. He would sometimes walk a little too close to you whenever you guys went out on dates, brushing his hand against yours for only a few seconds, causing you to become flustered as you where outside and not in a private setting. You would wear his jackets from time to time, lying to those who didn’t know of your relationship that you got it as a gift from a friend, when in reality, you had stolen it out of his closet because you thought it was cute. The little glances you would give each other on stage.

It was the little things like that that made it easy to be with Taemin.

Of course, you would fight, all couples have their arguments, but they were never that bad.

And oh, how your heart broke when he had to leave for his mandatory military service.

You didn’t want him to go. Taemin didn’t want to go either but it was his duty. He had to.

As much as Taemin loved you, he told you it was okay to leave.

“You shouldn’t have to wait for me.” He said, “Plus, wouldn’t you want to be with someone who could proudly say you’re theirs?” he questioned.

To you, that question was such an insane thing to ask.

You understood where he was coming from, but you were just as in love with him as he was with you.

“Taemin… Why would you even suggest that?” you asked, looking at him like as if he was crazy.

“I just… Our relationship. I can’t give you the love that you deserve if you’re just a secret. You should be with someone else, someone who can loudly proclaim their love for you.” His eyes were downcast, but his face was serious.

Your heart stung in pain seeing how serious Taemin was. It told you that he’s been feeling this way for a while.

“Taemin… Taemin, I love you. I want to be with you. Only you. No one else.” You held his face in your hands. Your hold was as gentle as your voice. “I’ll admit… I sometimes wish that we can have a normal relationship. That we can go out as a couple without worrying about what your fans the public would thing.” You lean in close to him, your voice soft as you whispered, “But what I wish for more is to always be with you.”

Taemin eyes were watery, his jaw was clenched.

He couldn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say. His throat burned as he felt himself cry lightly.

You wiped his tears away, a soft smile on your lips.

“I’ll wait for you. I always will wait for you.”

As you said those words, you realized that it wasn’t just about his military service.

These words held much more weight to it.

What you meant was that though you may be a secret now because of his fear of what others may think. Because of what may happen to his career. Because of what you may face because of his love for you, you will wait until he is ready to be open to everyone about his love for you. For his heart to not long to hold your hand more firmly while out in public anymore. To give you sweet kisses no matter what others will say and think.

You were going to wait until he became more confident in his love for you and yeah, it did hurt to have to hide the love you have for each other from others in fear of what other people will say… but you was willing to wait for the day he can say, “I love you,” with his voice and not just with his eyes around everyone, without any fear or hesitation.

You will wait.

And you did wait for Taemin.

For two years you did and to others, those two years doesn’t seem like a lot but to you and Taemin, it felt like a decade.

Though you and Taemin did see each other whenever he was allowed to, hiding your relationship became even worse. If anyone in the military found out, loose lips will surely expose your relationship and who knew what Taemin would be met with when he discharged if it came out.

You were so worried about Taemin. He was dealing with so much. He was much more depressed, his anxiety high. All you could do was just try your best to comfort him.

You cuddled with him, talked to him about his struggles. You would even buy him little gifts to brighten up his mood. And though it was just for a moment, his eyes would light up and his body would relax.

You wanted to be Taemin’s home and Taemin was thankful for you.

When April 4th came around, you were excited, but what you didn’t expect was for Taemin to ask you to pick him up.

What you also didn’t expect was for him to kiss you passionately in front of his fans and others, to whisper “I love you,” against your lips.

Your heart was beating so fast, you felt flushed. You felt as though you would faint at any second, but Taemin held onto you, anchoring you down.

Eyes widened and gasps were heard. You were terrified of this day, of when Taemin was ready to love you openly.

But that was months ago and as you would go on twitter or Instagram, you couldn’t help but smile stupidly as you see Taemin’s fans point out every interaction you two had with one another. Connecting the dots of your relationship. It was always there; it was so obvious to them how much love Taemin had for you. They saw how much Taemin looked at you as if you were his whole world and they also saw how much love shone in your eyes as you whenever you would glance at him. They couldn’t be any happier to see that he was happy and even though there were those few fans that were jealous and flat out angry that he was with someone, the majority was happy to see that Taemin was happy.

Taemin’s happiness was their number one priority, and it was clear that you made him deeply happy.

They couldn’t deny the soft look of love that appeared in his eyes whenever he would gaze at you. That same look that would make your heart flutter. That same look that would suddenly make you feel shy and slightly insecure.

But that insecurity always faded away whenever he placed a gentle kiss on your lips, whispering “I love you,” making you feel nothing but pure bliss.

[casablancarossa]

Dream of me a little longer ... a taemin x reader scenarion

Help because I haven't been able to shake this scenario off my head and I'm resurrecting my tumblr to get this weight off me TT TT

Pairing: Taemin x female!Reader Genre: Fluff? maybe a little of Angst ? Warnings: None, just mild language. W.C: 6k+. I know it's long... Author's Note: Yes okay it's long, I promise its a nice lil moment. And I could not be bothered to split into two chapters. Some text is in blue.. it's implied it's spoken in Korean. Heavily written after watching Metamorph concert and listening to "I think Its Love"

☼ Sometime in the past... ☼

"Hey, Lee Taemin! Come on! We need to board the plane!"

A young woman called out, waving over a kid with plush cheeks and soft eyes and roughly tussled hair. Their hurried steps through the crowd of people made you turn your head, before looking up at your mom who was making sure you wouldn't get knocked down.

Fortunately the nimble boy, managed to avoid bumping into you but running straight to his brother with a cheeky grin, boasting about how agile he was to getting back to them but was questioning, where they were going. His mom sighed, looking her two boys, ruffling their hair stating they were going to surprise their dad who went off for a work trip.

Whilst the conversation went on, you felt your mom nudge your shoulder. "Hey y/n, look at that boys bag, he must be a senior to you!"

Sure enough, you followed her gaze and saw that this boy and you had the same backpack that had the school logo sewn into the shoulder strap, however judging from the wear and tear, the boy looked to be just a bit older than you. "Such a sweet girl, is she going to Kyunghee Elementary School too?", the boys mom asked.

Your mom stood there a little bit taken back, unsure how to form her words. She struggled with the language unlike you, and your dad was fluent, but had left minutes ago for the toilets. You could see that the other woman was also flustered, and quietly whispered to themselves trying to form an English sentence to re-communicate.

"Yes auntie! I go to school there too next month!!", you interjected, unaware your mom was flipping through her notebook looking for her practiced sentences.

"Oh! Your Korean is...very good! Ya, Taemin-ah, say hello, she goes to your school", the older woman chirped happily, encouraging her son to step forward and say hello to you and your mom.

You dad finally popped up beside you, breaking through the queue forming as he pecks your head and inquired what was happening. From what you bothered to listen to or tried to understand, you posited that the Lee family were on the same aisle as you and your parents and offered if you would like to swap seats so you could sit with the boys and play with them for the period of the flight and your parents did not seem to mind.

The younger of the two stepped forward, it was the boy with the school backpack.

"Hello, I'm Lee Taemin..."

"Oh, hello, I'm Y/N..."

☼ Sometime before May '08... ☼

You slumped back into your chair, twiddling your thumbs as you sat in front of the monitor screen. You were staring at the empty chatroom, unsure how to type your message. Sighing, you shift yourself in your seat staring down at the icon on the screen turning from grey to green. Danggit. Why is he online..., you thought to yourself.

TM: Oh I finally caught you online.

YN: Yeah... was just talking to my friends about homework..

TM: How is school?

YN: Did you hear? Boys from your year are saying that they know BoA eonnie through you.

TM: I haven't even spoken to her yet. All the sunbaes are busy...

A dry smile curled from the corner of your lips as you continue to type, passing conversations here and there. Despite having a conversation with him, you thought back to the years leading up to now.

~~~

Taemin rushed through the streets on his little bike, scarfed and bundled up, quickly waddling and knocking at your front door with much urgency. Your mom had answered the door for you, but you weren't too far behind, peeking around from behind, offering him a little wave. He quickly pestered you to get on your bike and take ride around the area with him, subtly implying he had good news to tell you before quickly bribing you with your favourite ice cream and salted egg snacks.

Hanging out with him was easy and it really didn't take much convincing on your part to drop anything and go out with him. If anything, his mom encouraged it as it was one of the rare times Taemin would be very sociable and free to express himself. Although the reason for why he had to drag you away from your studies, has yet to be explained, you carefully followed behind Taemin, who was acting fun and carefree, whenever he got excited about something. You watched him not even come to a full stop before he bounced off his bike, singing to himself.

During summer, you had spent nearly everyday with him, dancing in his living room while both of your moms were busy with their quarterly kimchi-making marathon in the other room. Sometimes, you would sing too and he would sit at the floor, staring up at you happily, excited that he was part of the rare few who could hear you sing so passionately. Taemin was more of a dancer and he was good at it despite not having any professional lessons. You could tell he was going to be great one day. Even then you could see, you were just a passing star around his sun.

It wasn't until the music room had been fully finished in your school, that following fall, that you would catch Taemin very late in the evenings, practicing piano, claiming that he would need a musical skill and he wasn't sure that his dancing or singing would get him there. When his mom brought home a keyboard, he would endlessly harass you to watch him play a new piece he had learnt and asked your opinions, if it sounded too rushed or felt off-key.

Days would go on, where Taemin would play the piano for you and you would sing for him and it was your own little world with him before the realities of school would come knocking.

You shook your head, waking up from your little reminiscing daydream as Taemin bounced out with a bag full of goodies in his hand. The pair of you drove to the nearest playground, and he begins to recount of a story about him dancing with other people in front of a panel of judges before being interviewed and you only listened on, in wonderment, wondering internally what this meant for Taemin as he had be purposely vague. The young boy didn't fully elaborate on what happened but seemed to be excited for this new chance he might get. The surprisingly warm afternoon shifted to the familiar brisk winter evening, and before you knew it, you two decided to walk the bikes back to your home, throwing the vehicle on the yard before running to the window to let your mom know that you have arrived. Her head spun quickly smiling, standing to walk towards the window with an open box in hand, commenting that you and Taemin might as well be busy and start crafting, sliding the jewellery making kit box out the window. You and Taemin began to meticulously design bracelets for each other from the kit, sitting at the covered front porch, staring at the sky as the first snow was about to stick.

"Hey y/n, let's swap..."

"It's literally the same bracelet"

"Yeah, but this way, I made yours and you made mine. Think of it like a pinkie promise, to be friends forever, support each other through everything, be with each other until the end"

"Sounds stupid.. and serious, but I like it. Okay call."

~~~

That was almost 2? No, maybe 3 years ago now. It didn't take long before news spread around the school that Taemin had auditioned for SM Entertainment and managed to get in. Everyone teased him about how he might find a pretty noona to date there instead, or how he might get fame to his head and forget all about his friends in school. Taemin did get bullied here and there, but that came along with the fact he was about to be a star. He remained adamant he wouldn't forget anyone. He repeated the same sentiments towards you when you teased him about it and he huffed quietly, more hurt that you would also think he was capable of forgetting you.

Much to your surprise, he really didn't. Despite seeing of him less as he focused on training, you were the one person he constantly checked up on. If you weren't at home, he would ask your mom if he could leave a letter, usually left on a scratch paper and very hastily scribbled messages. He would have encouraged you to join the scary world of the internet because he found a new site where you can message each other and keep up to date with what is going on in each others lives. More often than not, it would be Taemin that had more stories to share, which was way better than what you believe to be, is your very boring mundane life, focusing on your studies.

And you did follow through anyway, creating an account and adding Taemin by the username he left at the end of his last letter.

. . . .

TM: Earth to Y/N???

YN: Huh?

TM: It said you were typing for so long, I thought you had slept on the keyboard :D.

YN: oh ... no ... sorry, mom asked me if I could hang some laundry in the room.

TM: Ah, so... you're coming with my mom right?

YN: it's in a few days right? I wouldn't miss it... What are your hyungs like?

TM: Annoying TT TT

You smirked at the screen before dropping the forced emotion, realizing, Taemin's not there to question the sad look on your face. Your head turned back slightly to see the half-packed suitcase on the floor along with scraps of scrunched up paper, filled with drafts of apologies to Taemin.

The temptation to just tell him the truth right there and then would be all too relieving but by the time you had shifted your attention to the screen, Taemin's profile icon was greyed out and he had left a solid paragraph about his plans to work hard and have everyone including yourself be proud of him, he ended with a goodbye..

... Y/N-ah, wear our bracelet okay? So I can see you in the crowd. I know you'll be front row anyway, but just in case you get stuck behind someone. Missed ya you stupid face! Please cheer me on .

☼ Sometime during '12... ☼

"Hey Dad, you sure I can drop the luggage here?"

"It's your old room, be comfortable" , he yelled from downstairs, his voice growing distant, exiting the front door to grab the rest of your luggage.

You open the sliding door, seeing a more smaller and emptier room than you imagined. A roll of thick futon laid in one corner, along with the rest of your sleeping amenities, a handful of pillow and a very comfortable thick blanket. It genuinely smelt like happier memories, back when your mom and dad decided that Seoul was going to be the last stop and nothing in their career could make them move. Not yet an adult, but grown enough to understand the circumstance which led to your dad coming back to Korea full time and your mom back home with a busy law career and more importantly, finally allowing you to travel on your own to visit him.

"You sure I was the only person who stayed here?", you half joked, knowing full well that your dad had been offering spare rooms to his workmates during late night after-work drinking sessions.

"Eish... if you are going to be like your mother, I won't rescue you from spiders..." he mocked back in a sassy pouty tone.

"I'm kidding, but seriously though... try not to spend life alone.." , you mumbled, looking at your father, who looked half the man he was. He had gotten more frail in the years, probably since no one was home to make him home cooked meals, and he was grey around the edges and a little paler compared to you, but you had his eyes, which were full of light and passion. "Mom is waiting for you back home..."

The man stumbled past you to drop the remainder of your bags, which was on oversight for a 2 month visit, but packing like you are there for a much longer duration. He ruffled the top of your head, making light conversation of how you and your mom were back home and began asking if things you wanted to do in the summer.

Nothing came to mind about plans. If anything you wanted to open your old messaging site and see if any of your old classmates were still online and if they remembered you, would they still like to meet up? But the nagging voice in your head kept on telling you, not to login. What if he left messages? What if he is still leaving messages...

You had asked your dad if you could borrow his laptop in the meantime while you unpacked and thankfully all the keycaps were in familiar alphabets as your grip on the Korean language had decreased in your time away, but hopefully it was enough to reconnect with some old friends.

There was hesitation in your fingertips on why you didn't want to click on that login button. So much weight behind one action. Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath in, taking that leap of courage, you navigated towards your unread messages.

He had not been online for over 3 months, but that is the maximum display of how long a person was last seen. It could be over 3 months at this point. His last message was also from that time.

TM: Are you well? Me and the hyungs are practicing again for our comeback. It's going to be exciting. TM: You know... it feels like we are a team now. TM: Are you still singing? TM: Do you still read these messages? Y/N-ah. Reply soon okay? I'm no longer angry at you.

You scrolled back to see, he had been sending messages every few months, some of them were sad, some were filled with anger and mildly insulting languages. A scoff managed to escape you. Wow, you really are a man now Taemin. A set of paragraphs caught your attention.

As per, hot blooded teenager goes, Taemin had cursed you out for not showing up. He blamed you for not enjoying his debut stage and being made fun of his hyungs for not having his friend support him. He continued to say that if you were going to disappear, you shouldn't have given him hope that you were going to show up, after the long months on not being able to meet up because he slept in the dance studio often, much to his mom's disappointment. Taemin caps off the message wondering if his mom ever gave the CD to your dad.

CD? You don't remember such thing. Granted, you and your mom were the first to leave Korea, but your dad, for as long as you recounted, had stayed in the same address.

"Appa! Do I have any old items in the room?!", you screamed from your room, perking your ear out from over your shoulder.

"Yes! Check the wardrobe."

Scuttling towards the sliding door of the closet, you quickly brush it open and see a stack of old clothes. minor household items, and a random shoe box with random Doraemon and Hello Kitty stickers adorning the sides. Bingo. You inspected the box first. It looks like no one has touched it in years and there was this crisp crackling noise as if it had been tightly glue shut, but the glue had worn off.

In it was a collection of items you used to collect, stamps, arcade tickets, cinema tickets and an assortment of handwritten letters, all done in Taemin's writing. Did dad save these? At the bottom, was a thin parcel with aqua coloured wrapping paper. It had the signature of Taemin and 4 others with the message 'We hope to see you soon', ending with a love heart. Without opening it, you assumed it was a copy of their first album, an album that you currently have sitting in your bedroom back home with other SHINee related items.

Yes, you were a full on Shawol and you would be stupid enough to have Taemin as your bias. But you supported from the back, because Taemin was right, you were just downright despicable for not saying goodbye to him even when your mom encouraged you to leave the letter to his mom, who was 20 minute bike drive away.

No one knew where you had went; the ambiguity between your parents meant that your dad was not bothered to inform others where you had been whisked away to, as long as he got updates that you were safe and smiling. The door to your room slid open quietly. He leans across the frame, seeing pages scatter around and the CD in its wrapping beside you.

"Maybe it's because he doesn't recognize me as much, but that kid comes by the neighbourhood often and walks slowly when he passes by the building...", your dad's words were comforting. "I know it was mostly your mom and his that were friends, but I had overheard him ask about you and your mom around the neighbourhood, guess people didn't forward the message to me at the time.."

"It's okay appa... it's for the better that he doesn't know..", there was a defeat in your voice. "I was such a bad friend to him..."

Your dad clicked his tongue before rolling down his sleeves, almost as if he just said 'Come on, lets go out'.

And you did. Instead of taking the car, the two of you had opted to take public transport and walk around for the afternoon. Seoul had changed so much in the years you were gone. It felt like a completely different city. The air was different and contrary to popular belief, there are little nooks around the area that seems quiet and slow, like a brief relief from the bustling main road.

However this meant, you could hear it clearly, SHINee's Sherlock playing in stores to lure fans in to buy from their stock. Bright as day, you heard his voice. He had improved so much with his singing that he did sound like Jonghyun. Or maybe, it's because his voice dropped, but you knew his lines and its like being back in his living room, on the rare occasions he did sing, you would listen.

The pain wracked through every muscle in your chest. Taemin paid extra attention to you when you were younger. Hung onto every word you said and would follow through every promise he made. There was time he used his pocket money to buy you snacks for lunch because you had your "bad Korean tongue days", wherein by you embarrass yourself since public speaking was not your strongest suit and reading a block of Korean text was as daunting as the time you had to explain to his mom why he got injured, falling off his bike on your behalf.

Ah, the true pains of puppy love, you thought to yourself as you continued to absentmindedly walk beside your dad, who was nudging you this whole time, asking if you wanted to investigate the commotion down the street.

It had been apparent that there seems to be a film crew nearby and shocking amount of high school girls roughly around your age, squealing in excitement. You had pushed through halfway into the crowd with your dad, still unaware of what was happening, although the soondae soup restaurant you wanted to go to was just after where the crowd had formed. You might as well be nosy and see what the fuss was about.

Well didn't curiosity kill the cat, when you heard a name being screamed from behind you.

From across the crowd, 5 good-looking guys where strolling with a camera man following them and a host with cue cards and mic, interviewing them. It was Shinee in the flesh, but more importantly it was Taemin in the flesh with about 25+ raging teenagers in between you two, but no doubt he was the same petite frame, trudging along the back, behind his band members, camera shy and playing that extra coy, innocent angel look towards the fangirls.

Soon, unbeknownst to you, you had been slowly pushed through the crowd, now walking in the inner circle that surround Shinee and film crew. But this is a blessing in disguise was just few feet away and you could probably grab onto your dad and drag him out of the pandemonium.

"Ah appa! There's a gap here, come on we'll miss the special lunch menu!" you managed to shout, but to your detriment it had caused Taemin to turn around.

His eyes flittered around, scanning the group of people before him, thankfully the crew had stopped walking and were interviewing Shawols on the street. He could hear the sound of his heart beating in his ear. That voice, it struck and resonated in him, it took a while to focus his eyes at the general direction of the sound that stirred him.

There amongst the crowd, two hands holding in the air, someone from the other side trying to drag their dad back out of the group of people, on the wrist of one, was a lilac and green beaded bracelet with a cat charm in the middle. His eyes darted down to check his own wrists and just as he expected, buried in the dark earth toned bracelets, his stylists made him wear, underneath hid an identical bracelet albeit in alternating colours to the one he just saw but it had a cat charm too. His flipped the charm with his index fingers, revealing the very rough and badly embossed marking on the back, revealing your initials, same as the way your charm would have his initials too.

☼ Sometime after now... ☼

"Sonyu eonnie!! I'm here", you eagerly called out for you friend as you rush down the steps of the arena.

You looked around and saw that bar a few stragglers, the venue looked like it had just been recently emptied as the clean up crew haven't even began brushing confetties off the floor. It was a pretty big venue too and that impressed you a lot to know that it was packed judging from how long you waited in the car park for, to let the exiting crowd to reduce.

In a stretched out booth were a bunch of monitors, scattered and tangled wires, all set up to keep an eye on the concert, control mic levels, music levels and lightings. Your sunbae from an old school sat in the middle, smiling from ear to ear as she waved you over but yelling to be careful and not trip over any rogue wires.

"Oh? Someone looks like they had a good work day. How was the concert?", you chirpped, taking a seat beside the hagard looking woman who was slumped back into her seat with cables in her hands.

"It went great, no accidents, things ran smoothly, Taemin sounded nice too"

The inner corner of your lips twitched at the name. "Shinee's Taemin?"

"Oh are you a fan? You should have told me! I could have gotten you in for free", her words caused panic inside of you.

The last time you saw him in person was at a fan-sign event. Boldly wearing a mask, you stood at the front row to cheer him on. You may not be as close as friends, barely even acquaintances, but you had bumped into his mom, weeks prior, saying how delighted Taemin would be to see you and offered a ticket that she was going to give to friend's daughter. When you asked it to be a surprise, she didn't utter a word to her son. When it was time to line up and have a poster signed, you quickly turned on your heel and ran away. You also knew, he probably didn't recognize you, despite the minor scene you had caused that did get the Shinee members' attention.

You went out of your way to find Taemin's mom, who still lived near the area you grew up in, and apologized to her for not following through with the plan to surprise Taemin, and asked if she could just not tell Taemin that you were around. She was quick to beg if you had any way of being contacted by Taemin. She promised that she would be discreet in how she would drop the topic on him. You hmm'd and haa'd at the prospect before stating that you had been staying at the same address since you were a kid, being generous enough to leave a note of the address in case Taemin or his mom had forgotten.

After that encounter you never really heard from Taemin for almost 6/7 years? His mom had been in contact quite recently, after bumping into your mom when she visited Korea and the communication has been somewhat regular.

Sonyu eonnie, nudged your shoulder trying to get your attention. "Hey hey, some of the staff are going out to eat and maybe drink to celebrate. Do you want to join me?"

You weren't going to turn down food and drinks, so you nodded and waited for her to get ready, calling over the other PD-eonnies who were part of the crew that was going out to eat. It didn't take long before a crowd gathered all talking about what food they wanted to eat and where was going to be empty enough to host a big group.

Ever so slightly, the formed group would attempt to make it out of the hall, now suddenly being probably the last of staff to get out as the clean-up crew had already finished minutes beforehand, and you were happy enough to be able to partake in conversations and the staff were so welcoming towards you.

By the time you guys had walked through the double doors that led to the hallway with the staff exit, the group gathered, waiting for everyone and whether a decision had been made within all that ruckus. You and Sonyu kept on insisting for soju and barbeque, giggling as suddenly everyone suddenly craved for barbeque and began to speak to about their favourite cuts and how their respective partners were good and grilling meat.

In the chaos, you didn't notice it, but some of the staff members began bowing and waving towards the other side of the hallway.

"Well done Lee Taemin. You worked very well! Thank you for working so hard!"

Echoes of along those line were all cheered out and you followed the gaze of the crowd and Taemin was smiling and waving back, thanking the staff members for all of their hard work and for taking care of him. But even then, he was distracted, because he knew, he wasn't imagining it. He knows that you know that he can recognize you. He has been staring at you and tried to stay calm about it.

As if you were teens again, time stood still and he couldn't believe his eyes but he even second guessed himself, unsure how to confirm it was you, his childhood friend, someone he thought would be there for him until the end.

With the spirit and mood being so high, you could partially make out that the staff was inviting Taemin to come out as well and the remaining SHINee members who had stuck behind to leave with Taemin. You shook your head as if to say, you didn't want Taemin to agree to join, because that would mean you had to interact, it would be rude not to. Before another comment could be made, you were hurriedly whisked away, Sonyu dragging you to your car and quickly searching the BBQ restaurant on her phone.

It wasn't a far drive either, but hopefully you could eat in peace without Taemin nearby, knowing that your stomach wouldn't settle at all with the anxiety going through you. Sonyu patted your shoulder inquiring how you were and you replied that you were fine.

"I'll stay in the car for a bit and just let dad know where I am, if you can go in and get our order in now, we don't have to wait for me", you told your eonnie, which she took at face value, hopping out of the car and rushing to her friends.

You really didn't know how to make of the situation. Abandoning your friend would not make a good impression with the rest of the team, however, acting like Taemin doesn't exist in front of everybody might make everyone think you were downright crazy. It was a coinflip and at the point your stomach had growled so much that you decided, Fuck it. I will eat a whole pig.

As you prepared to get out of the car and close the door behind you, a voice, loud and clear spoke up.

"Y/N?"

Maybe if you pretend you don't know who he is calling out, you could still walk away from this place. So much for some soju and BBQ tonight.

"Y/N please, do you remember me?" Taemin repeated chasing after you a bit before darting forward to block you next step, with his arms wide open. "I know you know I recognized you"

"I'm sorry but you must be tired" you denied the allegations, before ducking from his spread arms. and continued walking the opposite direction of the restaurant.

"You're breaking mom's heart over this", he yells out, causing you to spin on your heel.

You have always held his mom with such respect, she was indeed like your second come whenever you were back home in Korea and from your impression, Taemin's mom never really brought up Taemin or the idea of contacting Taemin on your behalf and was content in keeping in contact with you from time to time, along with your mother. So to you, it was an insult to you that Taemin has claimed that you have hurt his mom's feelings.

"Are you really going to make a scene in public?", the bewildered stare in your eyes was enough for him to stand down, knowing a crowd would form if they recognized him through his cap and mask. You hissed through gritted teeth. "Besides, why do you care?"

"You were my best friend, the only one who didn't... ", Taemin paused before closing the distance between you. "Yes it was ages ago and I have tried to heal from it, but school? Training? My so called buddies? They were hell. You were the only friend I had who understood"

There it was. He still had it, the crack in his voice that pulled at your heartstrings. There was no point in denying that you had closely followed Taemin as a celebrity, and even more so recently when he has done lives and spoken to fans. Taemin was so bubbly and happy and maybe it was just for show to the fans, but deep inside, did you really take the façade in its face value. Like he said, you were the only one who understood his struggles before he developed friendships in the company. But why now, did he make you feel like the balance of his happiness and sanity rested on your hands? "Come on Taem, it's been what? 15 years? More?", there was hint of pain tangled in your voice.

"And you think mom hasn't shared stories? You think your mom didn't tell her the stories of you supporting me?"

"Oh-- so now it's a crime to be your fan?!"

"No..."

"Then what do you want from me?"

"I just wanted you to come back! You could have contacted me, instead you made mom hide the fact that you two have been talking" he rattled, trying to suppress how loud he was yelling at you. "I needed you in my life and you didn't think of asking me instead of asking about me"

A struggled laugh managed to break from your throat. You had been facing off with someone who for the most part was your idol, your celebrity crush and not as your childhood friend or as your childhood crush .The irony was not lost on you that plenty of girls would kill to be in your shoes, to hear Taemin scream, he needed them in his life. But he was right, nothing was stopping you, but you feared even a friendship with him, would rattle the fandom and hurt you.

Your stifled laughter, caused Taemin to roll his eyes and let out an angered growl. pacing in front of you, trying to scan the surroundings and whether the interaction had generated public viewing, but it has been relatively quiet, any passer-by maybe just assumed that the two of you were a couple fighting.

"Like I said. it has been 15 years. I don't really think there anything for us to go back to", you muttered defeatedly, finally looking at him in the eyes, while struggling not to let a tear fall.

He bit his lip. You hate it when he does that. He rolled his eyes, quickly moving to grab your wrist and pulling the sleeve of your coat further up to you elbow. "Then why are you still wearing it, if you don't care?", he says while lifting your arm up. Surely within view, on your wrist and his, were similar bracelets of lilac and green with a very worn out cat charm. Taemin's initials were decorated on your charm while yours were on his, although you noticed it seemed like Taemin had gone over the carving, to make it stand out more, whereas yous was faded and blurry. It took a lot of strength to not buckle where you were standing. It was embarrassing to admit that you never took it off unless you were going into water. It didn't matter to you that it clashed with outfits or looked out of place with the rest of your accessories. It was the only trinket that reminded you of a happier time with him. A time that you got to share with him. A promise to be there for him, even if you were away. Like you always said and thought. I'm just a passing star in your sunlight Taemin.

Your breathing had slowly picked up, it was causing your heart to almost implode within you. Dammit. There can't be waterworks, not now. The tension was different and sharp enough to cut through skin. This caused you to raise your head slightly, looking at him with teary eyes, almost pleading with him to not press on the matter further. What right did the two of you have to pick up where you left of. Both now older with years of stories, characteristics and emotions that it felt impossible to catch up on all of that, for what was puppy love. There may be tension, but the way his eyes meets yours lets you know that you were on the same page, the same emotional wavelength, the same questions. You two were only kids back then, but had you stuck around or come back sooner, would Taemin try for something more? Would you have allowed him to? Would he have fought for me, if it went any further? His fingers finally release and the grip on your wrist drops. "You know, when I saw you at the arena, I almost went crazy", he began, dancing around his words. "It's like my heart was about to burst", his own breathing had began staggering as if what he was about to say would cause a panic attack, "I never forgot you, I hated you when you left, because it's like you pulled the support plug away from me before I had a chance to breath. I hated you because for years, I dreamt about you randomly as if you were here and I thought I could distract myself from it, but I could not. I hated you, because I never got a chance to love you."

So direct, so raw, Taemin laid his heart out right in front of you, his eyes burning with passion holding tears that would eventually cause him to come undone, but he was staying strong, his resolve to admit to you how heartbroken he was and not understanding at what capacity he held you in his own heart.

Your own desires reflected his own, granted a bit biased, but you had never let the fact you admired him a celebrity clouded the fact that you did wish, that you fought your own mind sometimes, to make the push to interact with Taemin all those years ago. You questioned the words that fell from your lips, almost catching them as they left.

"Well I'm here now!" you exclaimed, relaxing your body and opening your arms out slightly, as if it was to taunt the man in front of you. "What will you do then? You can't expect me to believe you after all this --- ".

Taemin didn't falter in the next few moves. As quick as you announced that you were indeed there and present.

"Give me a chance, to prove that this is real--" he began and before you could reply, his hands had cupped your face, pulling himself towards you and plant a kiss on your lips. It was timid but not of his own volition. Like he was holding back. Like he was restraining so much passion within him to not weigh the kiss. Like he was respecting you enough to let you know, you could pull away anytime if you didn't like it.

But you did. it was like the thousand unspoken words between the two of you were finally said in a single kiss. Not necessarily deepening the kiss, catching your breath momentarily, but definitely going for another, and you had found your body leaning in and up, your fingers cling onto the sides of his jacket sleeves, gripping tightly. Taemin's hand wander to your back, pulling you in, his own hands clawing at your jacket. The silent agreement that you both feared losing each other was loud for anyone to see. When you finally pulled your head back, your eyes met him and there was a peaceful happiness in them, because you both knew, you did kiss him back with as much intent and need. "You know, we have a lot to catch up on, I don't think we were the same kids as before", you mumbled at him, fixing the collar of his jacket.

"Yes but now we are a bit older and know what we want, what we are like. We can approach this as adults now. All I know is what I've wanted back then and want I was now is still the same, but now it's more serious more adult let's say", he whispered, now fully encapsulating your frame in an embrace and refusing to let go of you.

You tilt your head and stared at him, questioning his words.

"Since then and even until now, I wished for you to love me. Yes it may have been different forms back then but I think I knew, it's love, that I felt for you."

A smile crept up your lips and quickly pecked the corner of his lips before pushing past him to walk towards the BBQ place. "Taemin-ah come on, don't want to miss out on your first date do you?!", you called back out to him, giggling as you his face light up and rush towards you to walk back to the restaurant that you had tried to walk away from.

There was a slight pause as you two had reached the doorstep, it was so loud inside, you don't think anyone realized , the two of you were mere distance away, practically confessing to each other.

"It's going to be hard to pretend like I'm not into you right now" he whispered in your ear as he swing the restaurant door open, greeting the concert staff and his hyungs. "Sonyu noona! I saw your friend tried to bail, I took the liberty to dragging her back in so we can enjoy some food!", he gleefully lied before setting you across from him on the table.

Your face was flushed with embarrassment before kicking Taemin lightly on the shins under the table all the while Sonyu was inquiring what had taken your phone call with your dad for so long.

Taemin smiled coyly before trading glances with you throughout the night, assured that for the first time, he could dream about you and wake up knowing, you were still there for him.

[xotaemintol]

2MIN x (fem) READER: Follow Our Body Rhythm PT1

“Get up, I don’t wanna fight your shadow”

TWS: mentioning of sex and mentions polyamorous relationships

PRONOUNS USED: She/Her

Word Count: 4168

Part: 1/5

Plot: After three long months of Minho avoiding you outside of sex, you are fed up and decide to make him realize just how badly he’s hurting you, and luckily Taemin who is unaware of your plan is right there to help you do it.

THIRD PERSON

As the morning sun peaks into the messy room you begin to stir in your sleep, you could smell Minho all around you, laced in his sheets and pillows his scent covering every inch of the bed and your body, it had been a while since you've gotten to wake up with him since he's been so busy lately, but after making time to see you he was adamant about you staying the night and eating breakfast with him, and you were happy to take the offer since it's been almost three whole months since the last time you stayed the night after sex. So as you smiled with your eyes still closed and started scooting backward, you expect to feel his body against yours, but as you continue to move back you only feel pillows. Immediately you open your eyes and look back.

"What the fuck..." You groan at the sight of a stack of pillows in the place of Minho's body with a note on top, realizing that once again he had left before you got the chance to see him and left only a note to explain what happened you slowly sit up and cover your naked body with the thin sheets, sighing as you snatch the note and reluctantly begin to read it.

"Sorry, had to step out for a few hours, a few friends asked me to see them and it's been a while."

You almost stop reading there as you become offended by his quick decision to leave you for his friends because it had 'been a while' You wanted to ball the note up, put on your clothes, and leave, but instead, you continue reading despite feeling that he doesn’t care.

"I know I promised that we'd have breakfast together but I really couldn't miss this, tomorrow morning I'll make sure we can have breakfast together."

You scoff and roll your eyes at this, he has been making that same promise for three months now, every time he would invite you over he'd ask you to stay the night so he could spoil you only to leave before you were able to wake up, he hasn't even had the courtesy to call or text, he just leaves a note and promises that next time he'll keep his promise. Instead of getting too upset to finish reading, you decide to read the very last part before leaving.

"I left my card for you, I was planning on taking you out today but unfortunately there was a change of plans, so feel free to spend till your heart's content, it's the least I can do after breaking my promise again, xoxo-CMH"

You exhale deeply and slouch back against the headboard, thinking about if you should just leave without taking his card, you consider that you could probably make him realize how much it hurt your feelings if you didn't even bother to eat and if you just went home and told him that you didn't want to see him tomorrow, but as you consider how careless he's been lately and recall the way he dodges even the slightest bit of affection, hardly texts back, and ignores your calls, you realize like that isn't enough. For a while you think about what would make him realize it, trying to figure out ways to make him see how even if you aren't dating, he can't just promise things and break them, nor should he prioritize something like meeting up with friends over keeping a promise. When you first started hooking up with Minho and learned about his lifestyle you thought that maybe he'd be putting going to the gym or work over you, but every time it's his friends and when it first started he said: "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel that way, I promise that it won't happen again." And you believed it.

But now as you sit naked on his bed with another handwritten note on your lap you think about if he ever really meant anything he's said, you start to think about how when you met his SHINee members and how they jokingly said that he'd probably be spending more time with his friends than you, and now you wonder if it was ever a joke. Your mind swarms with thoughts as your eyes begin to water, what had you been doing the past seven months? You can't tell if you stay because you enjoy the sex or if you stay because you enjoy the lifestyle. You love being able to have expensive things, being able to sleep with someone so caring and sweet, someone who cares about making you feel good, you love being around his SHINee members, meeting Jinki, Jonghyun, Kibum, and Taemin was amazing and getting close to them was even better, but now it seems like you spend more time talking to them than him. Whatever it makes you start questioning if it was worth it, of course, you don't plan to cut ties with Minho, you've found yourself way too attached to him to do something like that. But you still want to do something, anything that would make him value you more, like the way he used to when things first started.

"Maybe I should just drop it, what was I expecting anyways?" You say to yourself, you sluggishly get out of bed and cover your body with the sheet "I mean, it's only been seven months, we aren't dating or anything, it's just sex." Just as you say this your phone goes off, you expect it to be an update from Minho about what he was doing or maybe just a random notification from Instagram or TikTok, but instead, as you grab your phone from the nightstand you're surprised to see that it's a text from Taemin, this makes you laugh a little despite your teary eyes, between the five of them Taemin has been the one who keeps up with you the most, he texts you almost every day, sends you pictures, and will even let you tell him about your problems, surprisingly you’ve found yourself talking to Taemin more often than Minho.

‘You’re still at Minho’s right? I’ll pick you up if you are, just wait for me.'

You look at your phone confused as you wonder how Taemin would know that you were at Minho’s house since you never told him that you were going, nor did Minho to your knowledge, you also wonder why he would want to pick you up, you consider that he may want to hang out with you but it's only 9 am and Taemin is usually busy early in the morning, not only that but when you used to hang out with Minho and Taemin he was more likely to want to hang out around noon instead of in the morning, so you wonder if he had maybe originally planned for the three of you to hang out. It wouldn't be weird if that were the case anyway, the three of you have hung out together plenty of times and it’s never been weird or awkward, especially since he seems to take a strong liking to you, he even flirts with you and buys you things just because. But you can't imagine that Taemin would have made plans without letting you or Minho know beforehand, you know that’s not like him to do so it just doesn’t fit, so you text him back and ask.

‘How did you know I was here?'

Almost immediately he views your message and responds with: 'I just got off the phone with him, you don’t mind hanging out right?' That's when the perfect idea to make Minho realize that he should value you more hits you, luckily for you since Minho is completely aware of the attraction between the two of you it wouldn't shock him or hurt him to see you with Taemin, but it would make him question what made you change your mind when you denied his offer to allow you to do whatever you please with all of them, in your mind you felt that he'd maybe consider that he was doing something to upset you, so you decided to quickly get dressed and text Taemin saying: 'Of course not, it would make me feel a lot better to see you actually.'

Luckily for you even without you and Taemin ever having sex, he's quick to tell you yes and spoil you rotten, so you weren't at all surprised to see a text from him saying 'Im already on my way', instead you just continued to quickly dress and strip Minho's bed from its dirty sheets, as you wait you put his sheets in the washer and replace them with fresh ones, you've gotten so used to doing this for him so you didn't mind it.

TAEMIN'S POV

"Hyung, I thought you said that you were going to spend time with her this morning, what happened?" I ask as I lean back against the seat, it’s been months and Minho is still neglecting to be honest with Y/N, maybe I’m wrong for getting so upset about it but she seems so sad lately, and knowing that it’s over something that could be solved with a conversation frustrates me, he said that he wanted to spend all day with her today and that he missed her so much, saying that he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible today as he smiled and texted her about staying the night, but now he's not even there. "I got nervous, I realized that I can’t keep doing this after last night," Minho says, "It’s not just about sex anymore, I want to be with her, but it’s not that easy." As he says this I sigh, I saw this coming after that first month of them seeing each other, he started to see Y/N as more than just a person he has sex with, it only took four months for him to admit to actually liking her even though it was obvious from the start, but after admitting how he felt he suddenly stopped treating her the way he did before, and now at the drop of a dime he leaves her before she's even able to wake up and see him, he'll even take days to respond to her and leave her wondering what happened.

"Hyung, are you gonna start dating Y/N?" I ask, "She obviously like she likes you too, so what’s stopping you? If you keep waiting and putting space between the two of you and making her feel like it’s just sex then you’ll only make it harder for yourself." As I say this he sighs, I can hear his frustration as he does so, I don't blame him for being frustrated since it's not as easy as it seems to have a fling. "You still like her right?" He asks, "I mean, she likes us both, so if I started dating her then it would make things too complicated" He explains, "I tried to talk to her about it, but she says that she is worried that if she does start dating me that she'll still want you and she doesn't even know that you like her." I sigh myself, he's right, the complicated love triangle between the three of us makes it hard for all of us to decide what to do, even though I've never had sex with her we both still very obviously like each other, I flirt with her openly and she reciprocates openly, so it would be conflicting if they started dating.

"Then what are you going to do? You can't keep dodging her and spending less time with her because you're confused, you'll only hurt her more" I respond, "What if she gets so hurt that she doesn't even want to see you again?" Minho's silence tells me enough, I can tell that it's genuinely difficult for him to decide what to do and even what to say, we haven't felt like this over anything or anyone in years, but as soon as she came along it was like falling into a Venus trap, not only is she beautiful, but she's so kind and caring, she's honest, she's easy to talk to, and understanding. Of course, it's a minor issue that she's attracted to both me and Minho, but how could we blame her for that when we both tried to pursue her at the same time? If she's wrong then so are we. "You're on your way to see her right?" He asks, "Ask her how she feels about you and tell me how it goes, even though I already know the answer I think we should just make sure, so from there we can make a decision."

After saying this Minho ends the call leaving me with a mess of thoughts, I've never been the best at things like this so I don't know how exactly to even ask something like this, should I just outright ask and tell her that we're struggling to decide what to do? Should I admit that I know exactly why he's been so strange lately? Should I cut straight to the chase and ask her if she wants to date us both? What if she gets mad at me for not telling her sooner? What if she rejects the idea and stops seeing us both? I sigh and look out the window trying to clear my mind before we arrived, but as I do I see the outside of Minho's house.

THIRD PERSON

As your phone rings you smile seeing Taemins name flash across your screen, you pick up right away.

"Should I come up to get you? We're outside," He says, the smile you had on your face slowly fades as you notice from his tone that something is off, usually Taemin sounds excited to see you, usually it feels like you can hear the smile in his voice whenever he speaks but now it feels like something was wrong. "No, it's fine," You respond as you make your way downstairs, "I'm coming out now..." After saying this you hang up and make sure to lock up before stepping outside, the feeling of the fresh breeze against your legs makes you shiver despite its warmth, you hadn't even thought about how little you were wearing until now. Your short, low-cut dress hardly covered your thighs and breasts but it was what Minho said he wanted to see you in, and you hadn't left clothes at his house for a while now, so it was all you had.

As you open the door you smile a little seeing Taemin sitting there and his manager in the front seat driving, you expect him to smile back but instead, he just looks at you as you close the door behind yourself and put on your seatbelt.

"Good morning," You say hoping that it'll break the slightly awkward tension in the car, it's never felt so strange to be alone with Taemin, but now it feels like it's your first time meeting him all over again. "Good morning, how'd you sleep?" Taemin asks, you shrug and sigh as you cross your legs, you feel so exposed in front of him which is new, considering that he's seen you naked before it's weird that you feel exposed in front of him while fully dressed. "It could've been better," You respond, knowing that for your plan to work that you'll have to fight any awkwardness, you look at him with a soft smile and say: "I had a dream about you."

MINHO'S POV

After hanging up the phone with Taemin I sigh and lean back against Kibums couch while flipping through channels mindlessly, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, it's like every time I see her it gets worse and worse. I have the urge to call it off and tell her that I don't want to see her anymore, but it's only because I want to be with her so badly and the sex isn't enough to hold me off anymore, of course, it's amazing but I don't just want to have sex with her. I want to go on dates, I want to talk about our future, I want to meet her friends and be introduced as her boyfriend, not just a guy she's sleeping with. But I know that she likes Taemin too and I know that Taemin likes her, so I don't want to make things official and then risk one of us being hurt when it could easily be solved by just something as simple as both of us dating her or both of us stepping back.

"Hey! Could you stop doing that?! It's been an hour, either watch something or turn it off, you're driving me crazy," Kibum says as he comes out of his

kitchen with two bowls, "Why are you this upset anyways? I thought you said you were going to just ignore things and let fate decide." As he sits down next to me he hands me a bowl of fresh fruit and spinach, I almost forgot that I even told him I hadn't eaten yet when I got here, he even went outside to pick all of this for us and I was so wrapped up in my mind that I didn't even notice him doing any of this. "Thank you," I say as I sigh, it's been like this every day now, I'm always too distracted by the thought of her to even notice what's going on around me. "If it's bothering you that much why don't you talk to her?" Kibum asks, "I mean, don't you think it's ridiculous to run here every time you sleep with her so you avoid possibly falling in love?"

I shrug and take a bite of the salad, "You know how I am, I mean, I like her but what if things get weird between me and Taemin? She'd be fine since she'd get to have us both, but what if Taemin feels unhappy?" I ask, my concern for his view of a polyamorous relationship isn't just overthinking, Taemin has constantly said that he'd want a girlfriend who only looks at him, although he jokes with fans about getting jealous he does seriously prefer a person who's only going to think of him. "Well, if he's already aware that you like her and that she also likes you, but he's still deciding to see her today then he must not be too upset about it," Kibum explains, "You know Taemin wouldn't do anything like this if he wasn't sure, and he'd be quick to say that he was unhappy or upset if he changed his mind." I nod, he's right, Taemin would speak up if he felt negative about it... "But how do you feel about it? Do you want to try something like that with both of them?"

TAEMIN'S POV

As the shower water starts to run I sigh and sit down on the couch, before she went to shower I wanted to talk to her and ask how she felt but it didn't feel right, how am I even supposed to ask anyways? What should I ask specifically? I huff and pout my lips as I begin to scroll through Instagram again, maybe it's not too bad if I don't ask at all, I could always find out another way since I have a whole day alone with her, even though I don't exactly know what we'll do I can figure out how to find out without asking.

"What should we do anyways?" I ask myself aloud, I look up as I start to think of places that she might want to go, luckily from all of the time spent with her and Minho, I've learned her favorite foods, stores, and spots so it would be easy to just choose from those. But I feel like doing something different would help me get an answer a lot better than just doing things that I know she likes, if it goes well then not only would I have an answer but I would also learn more about her which would be helpful since I only know a select few things that she likes. I smile a little at the thought of finally getting time to figure out how she really feels and it going well, with newfound confidence I decided to start looking for places in the area she hasn’t been to so that everything will go smoothly.

THIRD PERSON

As you step out of the shower you wrap the soft white towel around your wet body you feel like you can hardly relax, and as you walk yourself through your plan to seduce Taemin without making things awkward you only tense up more. In your head it sounds simple to just walk out into the living room and drop your towel, you could easily tell him that you’ve wanted him for a while now, and sit on his then and there without having to put in any effort. But you want to be able to maintain your relationship with both Taemin and Minho and throwing yourself at Taemin right after sleeping with Minho, to you it will just come off as you using Taemin to feel better, which at all what you want to do. So instead you spent your time in the shower thinking of how you'll slowly lure him in, you don't want to make things too complicated but you want to make a point to Minho that if he's going to treat you like you're only here for sex then you'll treat him as if you feel the same way.

As you step onto the mat on the floor you look in the mirror, your reflection blurred by the fog as you sigh and try to calm your nerves while whispering to yourself: "Taemin is attracted to me...he wants to have sex with me, so at least it won't fail..." As you say this though you start to feel a slight sense of disappointment but with no exact reason as to why, you ignore it and try your best not to upset yourself and throw yourself off, so before you can start to overthink anymore you open the door to leave but stop seeing him standing right outside the door with your clothes.

"Sorry, I just wanted to give you your clothes," He says, as you look up at him you fail to keep your cool and become awkward again. Despite the confidence that you have in him wanting to have sex with you it's hard to ignore how intimidatingly attractive he is, not to mention that you have feelings for him, it would be easier to just pull him into the bathroom and sit him down so you could ride him if you didn't have feelings for him, then you wouldn't have to worry about being in the same position you are with Minho with Taemin too, but since you know that you have genuine feelings for him you don't want to make things worse for yourself so you just smile at him and take the clothes. "Thank you..." You say trying to hide the shyness that begins to creep up on you, "I hope you don't mind, but I couldn't decide what to do so we'll just go to a few different places if that’s okay with you." As he says this you smile even more, this is why you love spending time with Taemin, he always surprises you by being spontaneous with his planning but keeping it simple enough for it to be relaxing.

You wish that Minho could be here too since Minho always adds a flare that makes things feel so exciting, while Taemin is more spontaneous and will let fate decide where you go, Minho will plan out multiple different places, and you love both of those things but they are even better when paired together since Taemins spontaneous ideas work perfectly for the hour-long stops that Minho plans. If Minho planned to go bowling and Taemin notices a place to eat that you've never tried before then you get to do both, you love the way they work together and while they are both enough alone, you can't help but become saddened by the thought of Minho becoming less attracted to you which in your mind explains why he won't spend time with you outside of sex.

"That's fine," You respond with a half-hearted smile at the sudden thought, while it saddens you to think of you still want to make him realize how you feel, so instead you tell Taemin that you'll be out soon and close the door so you can get dressed.

[btsqualityy]

Y.O.U (Years Of Us), Chapter 7: “Where’s your wedding ring?”

Jimin x half black/half Korean OC

Genre/Rating: 21+, established relationship, idol!AU, smut, angst, and fluff

Summary: The morning (or week) after.

Warnings: Brief mention of overdose and rehab.

WC: 2.2K

One Year Ago

“I’m so proud of you, you know that?” Kamaria gushed as her and Jimin sat together on the large wooden swing that was placed in his spacious backyard. “You fucking did it, baby.”

“I have to admit, there were days I didn’t think I was gonna be able to make it without the pills,” Jimin confessed. “But I’m happy to be out on the other side and in recovery.”

“I knew you could do it.”

“I think that’s a part of the reason why I was able to do it too,” he mentioned. “Knowing that I had you rooting for me and having your support when it felt like everyone else had turned their backs on me meant the world. Hell, without you, I would’ve never gone to rehab.”

“Maybe but it was your willpower that got you through it,” Kamaria tried to say. 

“I’ll never be able to thank you enough for it, honestly.”

“You don’t have to,” she chuckled. “I did it because I love and care about you, not for any accolades.”

“Well, I guess you’re gonna think I’m a little extra for getting you this then,” he said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small ring box.

“Jimin,” she whined playfully. “Come on. Just having you home is enough for me.”

“What if you could say your husband is home?” He questioned and Kamaria arched an eyebrow. 

“What are you talking about?” She asked and Jimin answered her by sliding down off of the swing and getting down on one knee in front of her. 

“Bubs, you are the love of my life,” he began. “When I think of my life, I can’t remember what it was like before you came into it and I don’t ever want to imagine what it would be without you in it. That’s why I was wondering if you would marry me?” He opened the ring box then, revealing the most stunning square cut diamond ring that Kamaria had ever seen. 

This wasn’t the first time Jimin had asked Kamaria to marry him, nor the second or even the third. But unlike the other times, where she was happy and only turned him down because it was too soon, her heart filled with dread at what she knew she had to do. 

“Jimin,” she began gently. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Do you not?” He chuckled.

“Baby, you just got out of rehab less than a week ago,” Kamaria reminded him. “You need to be focused on your recovery, not marriage.”

“Like I said, I wouldn’t even be in recovery if it weren’t for you,” he reiterated. “Not that I ever doubted it, but you being my side just proved how strong our love is.”

“I hear you Jimin, I do but I just....I can’t say yes,” she shook her head. “I want to but I can’t.”

“You can’t?” he repeated, his hand that had been holding the ring box slowly lowering as her words sunk in. 

“I just want to make sure that you’re stable first,” Kamaria hurried to explain. “A lot has happened in the last few months and I just don’t think such a large life change like marriage is the best idea right now.”

“Ok,” Jimin murmured as he got up, closing the ring box and pushing it back into his pocket.

“I still love you, and that’s always,” she said and Jimin just nodded his head. 

“I love you too,” he replied with a small smile before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’m gonna head into the house, ok?”

“You sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, just fine,” Jimin nodded before turning around and walking away. Kamaria couldn’t help it as tears began to well up in her eyes, making her smack her thigh in frustration. 

“Fuck.”

......................................................................

A week after their unexpected “reconnection”, Kamaria hadn’t spoken to Jimin and she refused to. She couldn’t believe that she had sunk so fucking low, low enough to sleep a fucking married man. Granted, it was Jimin, the man she had been in love with for literal years and who loved her back just as much, but still, she felt wrong as hell for what she did.

Jimin, on the other hand, had been blowing up her phone ever since she made him leave the morning after their night together. Kamaria knew that she’d probably have to talk to him at some point and clear the air, but that was just not a conversation she wanted to have any time soon. 

So she put it off. She put her head down and started spending more time in the studio, working on her album that was steadily coming together. 

“You’ve been a fucking beast the past few days,” Nari noted as Kamaria let the two of them into her penthouse. After locking the door and removing their jackets and shoes, they made their way into the kitchen where Kamaria went straight for the fridge. “You’ve finished what, two songs?”

“Three and a half,” Kamaria corrected. “The half is my duet with Taemin, which I’ve finished writing my lyrics for.”

“Is he doing his lyrics on his own?”

“Pretty sure he is,” she nodded. “We have a studio session planned for next week so we’ll see.”

“You make my job so easy, you know that?” Nari sighed dreamily, making Kamaria laugh as she raided the fridge. As Nari moved to sit down on one of the barstools that was placed at the island, she noticed a gold ring sitting on the countertop. “Hey, is this a wedding ring?”

“Hm?” Kamaria hummed as she turned to glance over her shoulder. “Oh, yeah it is.”

“Who’s is it?” Nari chuckled. “And why do you have it?”

“It’s Jimin’s,” Kamaria announced as she moved out of the fridge, a container of pineapple in her hands. Nari choked on her own spit at the realization, her eyes widening as Kamaria casually grabbed a fork and popped the top off of the container in her hands. 

“Ok,” Nari said slowly. “And again, why do you have it?”

“He left it here,” Kamaria shrugged before eating a piece of fruit. 

“Why did he take it off? When the hell was he even here?”

“You’re asking a lot of questions,” Kamaria huffed in between chewing. 

“Because I’m confused as hell!” She laughed. “Please, don’t tell me you did what I’m thinking you did.”

“If you’re thinking that he took it off when we fucked last week, then I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Kamaria!”

“Technically, I didn’t tell you,” she replied. “Just confirmed what you were already thinking.”

“Wha? How?” Nari stammered. 

“It was on the anniversary of my mom’s OD and I was vulnerable and just wanted to feel good,” Kamaria explained. “I put him out so fast the morning after, he left his ring.”

“Have you spoken to him since?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I feel so fucking guilty over letting it happen.”

“Why?” 

“Nari, he’s married,” Kamaria scoffed. “And regardless of our prior history and whatever pain I was feeling at the time, I should’ve respected that.”

“Kam, Jimin doesn’t even respect it!” Nari exclaimed. “He made that clear when he asked you to be his surrogate and by even coming over here that night!”

“That still doesn’t make it right,” Kamaria replied before eating another piece of pineapple and a few seconds of silence passed before Nari spoke up again. 

“You should destroy the damn thing,” she suggested. “It might make you feel better, sort of like going to one of those destruction rooms with old computers and shit.”

“Trust me, I actually thought about it because looking at the fucking thing makes me sick,” Kamaria confessed. “But I know I’d catch hell from Jimin because he’d probably catch hell from Hye-ja.”

“I don’t know, I think Jimin would appreciate it if you did,” Nari joked. “Might make it easier for him to leave her.”

“In his dreams,” Kamaria huffed with a roll of her eyes.

......................................................................

Jimin felt like he was going to lose his mind. Kamaria wasn’t answering his calls, she refused to see him, and she had gone radio silent. If Jimin knew her as well as he know he does, he completely understood why. Kamaria was a woman with a pretty strong moral code and after the haze of drunkenness had worn off, he wasn’t surprised that she flipped out and pushed him away. 

The thing was, he was tired of that. He loved her, so much that it felt like he was burning from the inside out sometimes, and he wanted nothing more than to be with her again. The way that they used to be. He understood why it couldn’t be that way but the man couldn’t help but to hope.

In order to keep his mind off her, he had been spending some time in the studio where he was starting to come up with enough material for the beginnings of an album. It had been over a year and a half since his previous one and he was itching to get back on the stage in front of the fans again. 

“Ah fuck,” Jimin muttered to himself as he unlocked the front door to his house, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. As he toed off his shoes and set his keys down, he heard a familiar voice coming from the kitchen. 

“Make sure to put extra green onions in it, ok?” The voice instructed and Jimin walked down the hall to the kitchen, his eyes widening when he saw Hye-ja and a chef moving around together. 

“Hye?” Jimin called out and Hye-ja turned around, a wide smile appearing on her face as she rushed over to her husband and threw her arms around his neck.

“Hi baby,” she cooed, pressing a firm kiss to his lips before pulling back. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked as he set his hands on her waist. “I thought you were in Osaka for your movie shooting.”

“Ugh, would you believe that the funding for the movie fell through at the last minute so they had to call off production?” She revealed. 

“Aw, I’m sorry Hye,” he sighed. “I know you were excited about that script.”

“Ah, it’s ok,” Hye-ja shrugged. “I’ll have more free time now and the two of us can be together more. I always feel bad that we haven’t gotten the chance to be real newlyweds, with my busy schedule and you getting back into the studio.”

“It’s what comes along with the job,” Jimin chuckled. “So I get it.”

“I know and because you’re so understanding, I hired this private chef to make us a great dinner,” she revealed. 

“And that dinner is just about ready,” the chef announced. 

“Great,” Jimin smiled. After plating their dinners and allowing Jimin and Hye-ja to take a seat at their decorated dining table (courtesy of Hye-ja), the chef placed their food in front of them before excusing himself and leaving them alone. 

“So, what have you been up to while I was gone?” Hye-ja asked him and Jimin just shrugged as he cut into his steak. 

“Just been in the studio and here at home,” he replied. “Nothing amazing or interesting.”

“Songs coming together ok?”

“Yeah, I think so,” he nodded. “Hopefully, I’ll have the barebones of an album soon.”

“Good,” Hye-ja smiled. “Well, when I was gone, I’ve been doing some thinking of my own and I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What about?”

“I know that I told you that I didn’t want kids anymore,” she began and Jimin’s head popped up at the mention of kids. “And I have to be honest about something.”

“What is it?” Jimin wondered. 

“When I said that, it was because I had been worried that you only married me to repair your image,” she admitted. “You know, the whole ‘Seoul’s Bad Boy’ thing?”

“Don’t remind me,” he chuckled lightly. “But that’s not why I asked you to marry me.”

“I think I’ve always known that deep down but I just had to be sure because a baby isn’t something to consider lightly, you know?” Hye-ja explained. “The beginning of our relationship was kind of a whirlwind and I wanted to make sure we were stable first.”

“So, why not just say that instead of telling me that you don’t want kids at all?”

“Like you would’ve reacted well to me telling you that I wasn’t sure of the validity of our relationship,” she scoffed with a smile and Jimin shrugged before smiling himself. 

“Point taken.”

“But anyways, what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry and if you still want to, I’d love to have a child with you.”

“Hye, are you serious?” He gasped.

“Well, I wanted to talk to you about it first but yeah,” she confirmed with a nod. Jimin hopped up out of his seat then, making Hye-ja laugh as he stepped over to her and got down on his knees. 

“My baby is gonna be in here?” He whispered as he set his hand on her stomach. 

“Hopefully,” she giggled, setting her hand on top of hers. “So, you agree?”

“Of course I do,” he nodded before leaning up and kissing her firmly. “I can’t thank you enough.”

“There’s no need to thank me,” Hye-ja replied. “But I do have one quick question.”

“Anything.”

“Where’s your wedding ring?” Hye-ja questioned and Jimin was truly speechless, his eyes widening when he realized that his left hand was the one that was placed on Hye-ja’s abdomen. 

Fuck.

......................................................................

Tag List:  @dunixxd @namaslaylife @shabbamadapot  @canarystwin

[imaginidol]

Taemin: Distant Bells Are Ringing

I don’t always leave an author’s note but I loved writing this for my anonnie’s request <3. So much so that I listened to both the instrumental pieces I mention in this headcanon whilst writing it, and I 100% would recommend you guys do the same bc I felt like crying the whole time lolzzz hope u like it !! :)

A sound of faint, classical music catches your attention as you’re exiting your dark SUV. Your bodyguard outstretches his hand in your direction, offering to lead you carefully out of the vehicle. You look around happily as you lift the sides your long, elegant gown, planting your heels firmly on the ground as you made your way to the entrance of the wedding venue.

“Thank you for coming tonight,” the familiar voice of your wedded friend’s brother greets you at the doors. “I can’t believe you made it!”

“Of course I had to come, how could I miss one of my closest friend’s wedding!? Thank you for inviting me,” you say as the boy leads you inside.

You walk into the beautifully decorated wedding venue, admiring every detail about the grandiose place in awe. Your eyes travel from the high vaulted ceilings to the intricately designed stained-glass windows. The center isle is filled with gorgeous arrangements of flowers and floral arches. All around, people were murmuring in excitement as the ceremony would soon begin.

You’re about to walk to your seat when all of a sudden, you nearly let out a shriek at the touch of a person’s arm against your shoulder.

“What the—,” you quickly turn around and find yourself making unexpectedly hard eye-to-eye contact with none other than…

Lee Taemin.

Honestly? This probably wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the absolute heart-wrenching heartbreak I had to endure all alone after we broke up…

Your mind quickly threatens to recall all the miserable nights you cried yourself to sleep for the boy standing in front of you, but you immediately brush them aside and plant the biggest smile on your face instead.

I can’t think of the past now.

“Taemin! Oh, I didn’t know you were here,” you say, awkwardly looking around to make sure no people were looking your way. It was no secret to the media that you and Taemin were once a favorite celebrity couple sought out by all kinds of fans, journalists, and paparazzis alike.

“Of course I’d be here. Don’t you remember we met through the bride?”

“Oh, right,” you answer, letting out an awkward half-laugh.

“I saw you walk in and I couldn’t not tell you how… how amazing you look!” he says, an innocent smile spreading across his face.

“Thank you, Taemin. You look pretty handsome yourself, actually,” you cheekily say back.

“Mister and Missus,” the voice of an older gentleman approaches you both. “Allow me too guide you to your reserved seats tonight,” he says, guiding you and Taemin into the ceremonial room.

“Oh, we’re not togeth—” you stop your sentence when you feel Taemin place his hand against your back, following the gentleman to wherever he seemed fit.

“Thank you,” you say to the gentleman anyway once you’ve reached your reserved seats.

Taemin sits next to you and, to your surprise, there aren’t many other people sitting in your section yet.

“Uh, Taemin?” You carefully look around the room before whispering into his ear, “we’re the only people sitting in this row right now… doesn’t it look a little…”

“Scandalous?” He finishes, giving you a smirk. “I’d be surprised if someone doesn’t take any pictures of us tonight.”

“Right,” you huff, turning your attention back to the front of the room.

For a moment, neither says a word, until Taemin finally speaks up.

“So… how’ve you been?”

“I’ve been… I’ve been good.”

“Yeah, I hear you’ve released a few albums since we last spoke. They’re really good. I really liked your most recent comeback,” he says quietly.

“Thank you, it means… a lot, actually.”

There is another awkward silence, before you speak up this time.

“How about you? How have you and SHINee been?”

“We’re still aiming to be the best we can be,” he smiles. “You don’t listen to us anymore, huh?”

“What? Of course I do. Just because you and I were… a thing… doesn’t mean I don’t love Minho any less.”

He scoffed. “Minho was always your bias, huh? Even when we were a ‘thing’?”

“Well, duh,” you roll your eyes, “look at him. He’s gorgeous!”

“Whatever,” he says, looking around him as a few other couples and guests slowly filled the seats more and more.

“You know,” he says, crossing his arms and turning his eyes toward you, “I only started talking to you just now ‘cause I don’t think I know anyone else here…”

“I thought you said you wanted to talk to me to tell me I looked pretty?”

“Oh, oops, yeah, that too,” he smirked. “It worked, ‘cause you’re still talking to me.”

“You’re still so annoying,” you say, crossing your legs.

He laughs mischievously, lightly punching your thigh.

“Isn’t it crazy how we almost instantly clicked again after so many years of not talking, though?”

You don’t answer him for a moment, thinking carefully of the words you’d say next.

“I guess,” you start to respond, “even after we went our separate ways, our comfort when being around each other never really went away.”

“Hmm,” he ponders, “why do you think that is?”

You don’t get a chance to respond because the ceremony begins, and all guests’ attention turns towards the front of the room.

The wedding ceremony of you and Taemin’s mutual friend plays out flawlessly beautiful.

An organist begins playing O Holy Night, at the request for the bride’s entrance. The bride walks in gracefully as ever. Her princess-styled silk dress was intricately decorated with mesh flowers, her long-sleeved white gloves featured complex designs of floral delicacies. Even from the bride’s back-view, her long, delicately designed dress tail captured and maintained all eyes on her.

Taemin had quietly moved his eyes from the bride at one point and turned his attention secretly to you.

You also looked lavishing in your dark green gown tonight, beautifully complementing the colors of the wedding decor altogether. Taemin couldn’t help but wonder if…

…if you could ever be his bride.

His eyes slowly began to water at the recollection of hundreds of shared memories alongside of you as your partner.

All the laughs, the jokes, the cries, the arguments, the make-ups, the love you shared privately in more ways than one.

He had… missed you.

Why’d we have to break up? He thoughtfully wonders as the bride and groom begin taking their vows.

If only we’d worked through our problems and not run away from them…

But it was almost every day that the arguments would arise.

The bride and groom exchange wedding bands and hold their hands together.

Taemin turns his eyes from the soon-to-be-married couple and focuses again on you.

Yes, while you were physically close to him at this very moment, he couldn’t help but think about how far you truly were.

If only I’d tried harder from my end, Taemin thinks defeatedly. I’ve been through the best and the absolute worst of this industry. If only I hadn’t let the malicious false rumors of that cheating scandal get the best of you…

The old priest raises his hands towards the crowd.

…maybe it would’ve been us on that pulpit by now.

He announces the couple as husband and wife.

But I couldn’t protect you without losing myself in the process.

The groom and bride share their first kiss as husband and wife, and the room erupts into loud cheers and happy tears. The organist beings playing the all-too familiar tune of Mendelssohn’s Wedding March, and the new man and wife begin preparing to make their way back down the isle for their final grand ceremonial exit.

Taemin closes his eyes as a couple tears begin rolling down his cheeks. He’s in too deep in his own thoughts when he feels the soft touch of a cloth rubbing against his face.

His eyes open and he makes direct eye contact with you.

You’d taken a handkerchief from your purse and wiped the tears gently from his face, not saying a word.

All around you, white confetti and red flower petals fall as the bride and groom begin exiting the room, the cheers of their guests roaring louder, the organist’s musical arrangement filling the room with l endearing excitement.

You and Taemin are caught frozen in each other’s gaze for a moment in time. Your hand is gently cupped around his face, his tears have slowed, and your emotions are caught in a trance.

What ever will we do? You think to yourself.

How could I ever move on from you? He thinks to himself.

How could I ever… you look into his eyes,

…have left you? he wonders,

…And now I find myself, you ponder,

…having feelings for you, he comes closer,

…even after all, you close your eyes,

…this, his nose brushes lightly against yours,

…time! your lips clash against his.

All around you, couples take notice of you and Taemin sharing an intimate moment together. The gentlemen cheer and begin taking their partners hand in hand, leaning them back against their arms to share kisses of their own in celebration of light of a new marriage.

White confetti and red flower petals continue to float about the room and around all the couples, guests, the newlyweds as the organists begins intensifying the final chords of the infamous Wedding March.

Taemin pulls away slightly, a few more tears escaping his reddened eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to you. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for you.”

You shake your head, not wanting to hear the words you longed to wish for.

“No, Taemin, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. I’m sorry I abandoned the trust I had in you… in us.”

“I should’ve gone back even after all the—”

“There’s no point in bringing up the past anymore, Tae,” you whisper.

“But I have to—”

“Shh,” you gently place a finger against his lips. “I received all the proof from your agency once the investigation was over. I now know you never had betrayed me like that.”

“You… you do?”

You smile. “I’m sorry I never went back for you. I was too ashamed to face you after you were proven innocent.”

“No,” he whispers. “I’m the one who should’ve fought harder.”

“Tae—”

Your words are cut short at the realization that there was no point in arguing further. You had grown and reflected, and so had he.

Knowing what you both knew now, there was an opportunity for the trust to grow back.

Perhaps tonight you could start over.

Perhaps tonight at the wedding reception, over delicious dinner and sugary wedding cake, you could start over.

Perhaps tonight you and Taemin would finally be able to reach the closure you both longed for, and start walking together towards a happily ever after of your own.

—

The wedding reception had gone just as fun and smoothly as the ceremony. The guests had gathered around the bride and her groom to cut their enormous marbled-flavored cake. A couple minutes before the cake-cutting begun, the bride caught a glimpse of you and Taemin and quickly walked over to you both.

“Hey, you smoochy lovebirds, why didn’t you tell me you got back together!?”

“What? How’d you even know—”

“Oh, please!” she giggled, “You started the little kissing-train back at the venue, didn’t ya? Look, it’s already making headlines!!” She excitedly pulls out her phone from her sleek reception gown’s pockets and points the screen at you both.

Indeed, there’s a half-blurry picture of you and Taemin sharing a loving, lasting kiss amidst the newlyweds’ grand exit. The headline at the top reads in bolder letters: BREAKING!! HAVE THE STARRY-EYED COUPLE ALLEGEDLY MADE A COMEBACK!?

Underneath the post, thousands of comments were already flooding the media with fans excitedly screaming their heads off at the sight of their favorite celebrity couple rumored to be seen together again. Fans from all around the industry—even fans who didn’t actively listen to you or Taemin’s music—enthusiastically shared well wishes and celebration for you both, many of these fans hoping that this time your relationship would lead to a much happier ending.

“I’ll say, your kissing stunt was absolutely perfect!” the bride excitedly bounces up and down. “All my wedding exit pictures have guests sharing kisses in the background and it’s so… so beautiful!! I’ll have to get that moment framed for our new home!”

Taemin places his hand around your waist, pulling you closer.

“If it weren’t for your wedding, I wouldn’t have gotten closure with my love again,” he smiles. He then turns his attention to you.

“And,” he adds, “I never would’ve believed I could fall in love with the right person all over again.”

[0rgell]

Lovesickness - Taemin Oneshot

Masterlist

Pairing: Taemin (SHINee) x OC (Story is written in 2nd person)

Genre: Explicit, angst

Word Count: 3.2k words

You can also find this story on: AO3

---

Summary:

Taemin's been so busy with his comebacks and you're annoyed at Taemin for accidentally locking Ddaeng in the bathroom all day. He doesn't take your annoyance well, but he makes up for it in the morning. Basically, smut with a little plot.

I'm back with a one shot, finally! It's been a while since I've posted anything but here we are~.

I do not own Taemin or his cats and this is just fiction.

I've got some stories in the making that are coming along well, so I hope everyone looks forward to them🌸

I'd like to thank @skzhocomments for being my beta reader (she's got really good stories).

Please enjoy!

---

Lovesickness

Taemin’s been working so hard for his next comeback and so hard it seems as if he’s forgotten about you. You watch him as he comes back every day and chucks himself into bed and then you watch him leave in the morning after having a shower. As much as you love him, you hate being forgotten but you don’t want to get in between him and his work. It’s always been like that. And you would lose against his work anyway. It’s his life. You once asked him if he lives to work or works to live and he did not say the latter. The balance is unhealthy and his work is his priority at the moment so you just have to wait and try not to get pissed off. But you feel neglected in every way possible. You still remember his last solo comeback and the stress from it, Never Gonna Dance Again : Act 2 and then he went to the military. You were so excited for him to come back home and spend time with you. You missed him so much that it felt like hell. But SM got more of him than you have in years because then there was Hard and now there's Guilty. And you feel guilty for wanting him to stop working on it and just come and smother you in affection.

You feel stupid for not having noticed it earlier, for being so close-minded that you had observed the life of being with an idol only superficially. If you had known, then you doubt you would have rejected Taemin’s advances or his proposal anyway, but you wish you knew what you were getting yourself into from the get-go. He had a way to charm; he was cheeky and cute and his smile had this boyish charm to it. Now he’s like a brick wall, unsociable, and everything you say to him only receives one word answers. You never know if he’s actually listening to you and it frustrates you to no end.

The look Kkong gives you and the nudge of her head tells you to get out of your head and feed her. Because you may as well be the catsitter, the amount of communication you get from Taemin. So you do. You get up, grab the cat's food bowls and walk into the kitchen. As you open the cupboard, you let out a long sigh, grabbing the wet food and emptying it into the bowls. Kkong is already at your feet so you bend down and let her eat as you run your hand along her body. Ddaeng is nowhere to be seen so you call out for him and when he doesn’t come, you worry. You put the food bowl down on the side and start walking around the apartment, calling his name frantically like a lunatic. When you get to the bedroom, you hear a muffled meow from the bathroom so you open it quickly. Ddaeng is sat there looking up at you and you swear you’re going to kill Taemin. You left before him today because you had extra work to catch up on. So that means Ddaeng’s been stuck in the bathroom all day. You bend down to pick up your baby and talk to him, telling him it’s okay and then walk to the kitchen with him in your arms, popping him down on the counter and letting him eat on there. He deserves it after the day he had.

You sit back down on the sofa and turn on the TV, staring at it completely immersed in thought and you just can’t believe Taemin had locked Ddaeng in the bathroom. You stew on it and get angrier and angrier, minutes of stewing turn into hours and during that time, Kkong and Ddaeng come and busy themselves in your lap. The sound of the door pin being inserted and the door opening catches your attention. Taemin comes in silence and ignores you, walking straight to the bedroom after he changed his shoes to slippers.

You turn off the TV and grab both cats, one under each arm, earning a squeak from Kkong, which you are quick to apologise for. Taemin is already face planted on the bed, clothes unchanged: messy hair, which is now brown and long, one slipper hanging on for its dear life, a white wrinkled t-shirt with sweat stains from dancing, and grey joggers—joggers that left nothing to the imagination—and you just couldn’t help but stare and then tell yourself off for thinking things that were so not appropriate for your mood. Blinking in disbelief, you walk over to the bed and sit down, letting the babies free as they prance over to Taemin. You can’t help but call them traitors in your head. “Taemin?” you say, trying to take the edge off your voice.

He lifts his head only slightly before making a grunt and lazily stretching his hand out to pet the cat. You smile, hoping the lingering side-eye you give him warns of best behaviour. “Ddaeng was stuck in the bathroom all day.” You tell him, trying to swallow down the venom that is coating your tongue.

“Why?”

Inexplicable fury blooms in your chest. "YOU—" You need to calm down if you want this conversion to go anywhere. “You trapped him in there. I know you don’t care about me, but you could at least care about the cats!”

He sighs. “He’s fine, though.” Taemin's apathetic behaviour irritates you and a scream is threatening to come out, clawing its way up your throat. You hold it in and put your head in your hands at wit’s ends.

"Still, you need to be responsible. He’s a cat, not a human. If he’s stuck, he can’t get out, and he could have hurt himself trying.” You say reproachfully, stuck on the fact that he won’t just say sorry and that he won’t do it again.

Taemin sits up suddenly and shoots you a glare, brat, and he walks off to the bathroom. You hear him turn on the water and brush his teeth and you can’t get over the fact that he just walked off and glared at you. Taemin has always been like this; he always sulks when being told off and never takes responsibility for his actions. At first, you thought it was cute. He’d pout and pout and wrinkle his nose until you let it go without an apology. But you got sick of it soon because he wouldn’t let it go if it was the other way around. Whatever, you also need to brush your teeth, so you follow, and when you get in the bathroom, you open your mouth to tell him to give your tooth brush, but he cuts you off, starting harshly, “Stop going on about it. I just want to go to sleep. Just-ease up.” ending tiredly.

So you say nothing and somehow your heart clenches and you feel it throbbing. through your body resonating in your chest and you think you heard it crack. No, it is just the toothpaste lid. Taemin’s gotten your tooth brush and put a pea of toothpaste on it. He shoves it into your hand and you start brushing your teeth mechanically, like a robot. But, even after brushing your teeth, you still have a bitter taste lingering in your mouth.

When you’re both done, neither of you speak and you both get into bed, turning away from each other like a brick wall has been put up. It fucking hurts. It hurts more to cry. More, because Taemin knows. He can hear each breath as it's hiccuped out of your chest, and if you tried to hold it, he’d listen to your silence instead, and in the end, maybe you would explode all over him. You can’t hold this in forever. You can’t feel neglected forever and never say anything; maybe you’re just being dramatic. But still, it hurts.

~

In the morning, you’re woken up by lazy, clumsy kisses peppered all over your face. You barely open your eyes, squinting at the light coming through the bedroom window. You squirm and try to turn over, still upset over last night but Taemin’s hand on your waist stops you and pulls a squeak out of your mouth and you’re slammed back on your back after not getting very far out at all. He pushes himself up against your side, flush against you, and you can feel him.

His peppered kisses turn into sloppy, wet, open-mouthed ones, trailing down your neck as his hand carefully pulls up your top and trails his hand over your stomach, humming into your neck in delight. Your body is flushing hot with arousal; you have missed Taemin. Every part of him—his virility, his soft lips, and his dick. It has been so long; you felt like a nun living in celibacy.

He nibbles lightly on the skin of your collarbone before licking a stripe up your neck and nibbling on your ear. His hand travels down to your heat and he chuckles and takes his hand out of the equation. “Wet already? Did you dream of me.” Smug and confident, he whispered it in your ear. And you can’t speak completely under his spell, heart pounding, with no coherent sentences ready to be formed.

When he finally detaches from your neck, he’s on his next conquest, mouthing all around your breasts, sucking, and biting, and you find it hard to stay still. You squirm and writhe but he holds you still, hands on your hips so brusingly tight. He looks up, lust and hunger in his gaze and smirks. He finds it so funny. Taemin loves teasing you; he treats it like a sport when he can. He gets back to work and lays his tongue flat on your nipple, licking a line and then twirling his tongue around it, his teeth barely nipping. And you whine, jutting your hips up, wanting some release for your core—something to fill you up hot and heavy.

Taemin bathes in the sounds you make; he loves hearing them so he rewards you with a kiss so soft compared to the grip he has on you and you want more; you need to feel that connection. You wonder if you’re the only one whos been sexually frustrated because somehow Taemin is fine apart from his throbbing boner, hot and hard on the side of your thigh, a type of self-control that is inexplicable. You cry out, wanting more of his lips on yours so you reach for his long hair and yank it slightly, unsure if he’d like it. However, you’re pleasantly surprised when he lets out a low growl and his pupils expand. You marvel in amazement.

“So needy,” Taemin tutted and bent down, nipping on your bottom lip and dipping the tip of his tongue between your lips and you relish in his mouth, nibbling and sucking on his top lip and letting out a deep, content breath out of your nose. Your fingers slide in deeper, tangling in his soft, messy hair, surrounding them in his hair and jerking lightly, making the erection between his legs throb against your thigh. You feel like you are in a daze, eyes closed, lips moving lazily against Taemin’s.

Taemin moves away from the kiss and slides his hand into your pyjama shorts and he slowly circles around your clit, sending white heat all over. You move your hands from his hair and grab Taemin's shirt; you know not to interrupt his teasing, your hands twisted up and twisting up further in the white cloth as he uses his other hand to fill your mouth with his fingers, making you moan and your eyes roll back. Taemin loves watching you; he loves voyeurism; he gets off on it; he loves videoing, making sex tapes only to watch them over and over on tour, getting lost in your sounds, face, and body. He once told you that you’re face was perfect for porn. You were offended at first but he explained that you look ethereal while he’s ploughing you in.

Taemin dips his fingers down and teases your hole, dipping in and out of it as you nibble on his finger, wanting him to speed up. But he didn't; instead, he pushed his fingers deeper into your mouth, pressing on the back of your tongue, making you gag, and pulling a deep breathy chuckle from Taemin’s lips. “Calm down,” he demands, with a smile playing on his lips. He is so cruel, but you can’t lie and say it doesn’t get you off. He slips his finger into your hole, finding that spongy flesh and fingering in and out, hitting the right spot over and over as his thumb rubs circles around your clit. Then another finger inside you, in and out.

“Please,” you beg, pulling Taemin’s top over his head and losing him for a second. He smirks at you and pulls his boxers off.

Before you knew what was going on, Taemin had pulled his fingers out, pulled your shorts off, and grabbed your hips as he bent your legs and as he settled down into you, a string of curses and a deep grunt fell out of his mouth as he closed his eyes for a second, letting the feeling take over his body. The feeling was almost too intense, electricity sprialing from your feet to your head, your thoughts clouded, and your pussy desperately begging for some movement as you clenched around him. Taemin seemed to know what you wanted, his hips rolling in one swift motion, thighs pressing against your arse, and his short fingernails lightly scratching over your skin as his fingers dug in.

“I missed you,” Taemin groaned lowly as you gaze at his dick, appearing and disappearing inside of you again and again, the view being the most pleasurable thing you have seen in a while. You have spent so much time watching porn in the past few months that you feel overwhelmed to see a real dick going in and out of you, toes curling into the sheets as you try to not cum straight away.

“You too,” you manage to mumble in a half moan, voice trembling, hands clawing Taemin’s back as you want him deeper inside you. Taemin tries not to let you have your way, but seeing you move so sensually, lifting your hips to try and get him in deeper, your bottom lip stuck between your teeth, eyes hazy and glazed, and strands of hair falling into your face and sticking slightly as small beads of sweat have started forming at your hairline. It makes it hard for him to keep the pace slow.

You have to admit that the sight of Taemin is very appealing—the best view you ever had the honour of seeing. His back feels very soft and taut beneath your palms, making you want to continue touching him, explore the lines of muscles and relearn his body all over again.

“You said I don’t care about you. Do you feel cared for now?” Taemin teases as he takes his dick out of you and before you can whine, he pushes his dick back into your entrance and snaps his hips into you suddenly making you breathless and sending prickles of heat through your body. You run your tongue over your body lip, feeling dry from marvelling up at Taemin because he looks so good right now—golden skin droplets of sweat falling down his face, beautifully catching at his philtrum, making you want to lick it. Such a strong carnal urge takes over you as you grab the back of his head and pull him down into a kiss, not wanting to listen to him talk any more.

Taemin lifts your legs up to his shoulders, making an amazing deepness hitting that spot over and over again. The angle is nearly too much for you, as Taemin leans from the kiss and starts playing with your clit, making you clench around him and earning a groan, sending you off a cliff. You can feel Taemin’s weight inside you; his thrusts are getting more intense and sharp, building up, pushing you down into the mattress; the pressure inside you is building up and the muscles in your abdomen are contracting. Your brain is not functioning fully under the influence of arousal and Taemin. You can feel your orgasm about to come crashing, heart pounding insanely in your chest, feeling like it was about to crack a rib.

Your head lolling back, eyes closed so you don’t have to see how erotic Taemin looks, and your spine arching, welcoming Taemin in deeper as the pressure builds up, coiling, and you’re so close, heavily panting, your nails scratching at his back as you try and take the pounding.

Taemin’s groans and teasing words rolling like waves straight to your core, as he speeds up faster chasing his own orgasm, you take your hands and grab the sheets as he’s pounding you up the bed and white stars flashed behind your eyes as you came undone. Taemin’s relentless pounding didn’t stop; instead, he groans as you tighten and spasm under him, letting out helpless cries and he rides you out on your orgasm. “Look at me,” he instructs, his voice so gruff and demanding that you can’t help but oblige. He whispers dirty, sweet nothings, and then his orgasm hits him hard as his body tenses up, mouth parted open, moans falling out, and his forehead creases, making him look so beautiful and fucked out as sweat drips down his golden chest and his slightly pink face glows in the sun that is cascading through the window.

He clings to you, laboured breaths hitting your lips, his forehead pressed against yours and his eyes so glassy as he looks into your eyes lovingly. “I love you,” he laughs lowly and pulls you towards him, his tongue slowly licking along your bottom lip and then giving you a proper kiss. The kiss is sweet. Taemin places his hand on your cheek as he pulls himself out, sending shivers down your spine and pulling staggered moans from him.

He lays down next to you and pulls your head to play on his chest as you listen to his heart pounding. You look up at him. “I love you too, but what was that for?” you ask cheekily.

“I’m sorry for being a dick; you know what I get like during a comeback but it doesn’t mean you should get used to it. I’ll try and get better, more tolerable, and treat you better. Also, where is your engagement ring?” He apologises and stokes strands of hair out of your face.

“Your maid took it off while cleaning,” You tell him, insinuating that you are his maid, which, he doesn’t find funny. He pouts so you press up on one of your hands to get closer to his face and press a soft kiss to his lips as you say, “I hope you do. What time is it, by the way?”

He stretches his arm out and grabs his phone, checking the time: “five-forty-five.”

Your eyes pop out of your head as you moan, “I could have been sleeping; why’d you get me up so early?"

“You weren’t moaning about the time ten minutes ago," he tells you and you can't help but laugh at him and snuggle into his chest as he strokes your hair.

---

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it.

Feel free to ask questions on twitter: 0rgell

Love Orgel

[spacequokka]

Shinee Masterlist

Key: [F=Fluff, S=Smut/Suggestive, A=Angst, H=Humor, P=Platonic, T=Thriller]

Jinki/Onew

Page 270 [F]

Kibum/Key

Let Me See [S] - 0.0k - Your boss reads your dirty thoughts about him in the diary you left behind.

Page 192

Minho

Page #

Taemin

Enchanted [T/S] - 0.0k - House-sitting for your uncle takes a deadly turn upon the night of a blood moon. Your only hope lies in the hands of a stranger who isn’t what he seems.

Page 156 [F]

Headcanons

Turn Ons & Kinks [S]

"The most beautiful thing in all the world is right now. This moment. You. Don’t ever forget that." ~Jonghyun (banner by @classicscreations​​, thank you indi! 🥹)

[proudahgase-exol]

SHINEE masterlist

Here you will fine everything I had made for SHINEE . :)

-If you enjoy my work like and reblog

Last updated: 03/01/24

Guide: ♤ angst - ❀ fluff - ♡ smut

𝕄𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕞𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

Jinki:

Nothing here……

Keybum:

Nothing here…..

Minho:

Boyfriend random text/social media ❀

Taemin:

Nothing here…..

Post will appear here once i make something for the members. Feel free to request ;)

[skzhocomments]

Hello can i request one where the reader and Taemin casually meet eachother in Paris, and they have flashbacks because the city was their last trip together before breakup? Thanks:)))

Hello! TYSM for submitting a request. I know it took some time, but I got to writing it, and I hope you will enjoy it!

Rencontre moi à Paris (Lee Taemin)

Pairing: Lee Taemin (of SHINee) x Reader / OC (story is written in first person and no name is mentioned)

Genre: angst, romance, mature

Word Count: ~3.8k

Warnings: mature, swearing, angst, explicit sexual content.

This is just a story that doesn’t describe Taemin's true character in any way. It’s just a product of my imagination and should be treated as such.

This story is also on Wattpad (click here) and AO3 (click here)

A/N: As any other writer out there, I would appreciate reblogs and your comments on this story. Please let me know if you enjoyed it, and most importantly, have fun!

Summary: basically the request

---

Mature content ahead.

18+

©storminsidemycore All Rights Reserved

---

Rencontre moi à Paris (Lee Taemin)

Paris.

Bustling cafés, crowded streets, and people rushing either to their jobs, or to the newest art gallery with temporary exhibitions opened in town.

The rampant palaces, domes and monuments built in a Gothic style contrast the tall buildings with intricate sculpted designs, making the city the perfect mix between modern and traditional, between functional and pleasant to look at.

It's already been 5 years since I've last been here, and walking through these busy streets again feels simply surreal. Many memories I tried to forget about are resurfacing, and even though I enjoy seeing this city again, my mind wanders off to that time, and it feels bittersweet.

I breathe in the November air and continue walking, the familiar unfamiliarity somewhat comforting, and after 20 minutes of going through narrow passages in-between boulevards, I finally reach my destination, and I'm glad to see it's still here, opened, despite the unappealing area that's surely deprived of tourists to keep it alive.

Rencontre moi à Paris – or 'Meet me in Paris', a café I accidentally stumbled upon last time I came here after getting lost with my then-boyfriend.

The weather that time was similar as it is now, and I, too, am similar, even if it's been 5 years since then. The only difference is that now I have an umbrella, whereas then we stumbled upon this café soaked wet and dripping from the merciless rain outside, both of us unequipped and powerless against the black November clouds. That was nothing new, though, as we almost always ventured into things unprepared, head-first as if we were invincible, and our relationship was no different.

Maybe that's why it all went down in flames, leaving me this acidic feeling in my stomach.

It's funny, really. I haven't thought about him in years, but being here, all of the sudden I'm the same 25-year old girl with hopes and dreams, madly in love with him, and heartbroken by his absence, to the point of no return. This truly makes me realise that I never got over him, and I probably never will. It's just that the gaps between thinking about him got longer, they became years instead of seconds, and I somehow turned 30 and haven't seen or spoken to him in 5 years.

After standing like an idiot in front of the café in the pouring rain, I realise that it's best to walk in. The smell of freshly roasted coffee beans immediately invades my nostrils, and I smile to myself noticing the décor is still the same, with vintage round metal tables and matching slightly rusted chairs in front of the large arched windows viewing the street.

I head to the table I once shared with him, displeased to notice a half drunk coffee cup with steam still coming out of it, and a discarded coat on the back of the chair.

Tsk. I utter to myself and sit down at the next table, my back turned to that space filled with good memories and laughter.

I lazily grab the menu and skim through it, pondering between a hot tea and a coffee. On one hand, I'm feeling pretty tired and could use the caffeine, but on the other, bad weather is most enjoyable with a cup of warm tea, so I settle for some green tea, the perfect mix.

Looking outside absent-mindedly, I follow the raindrops fallen on the large glass windows. There is no sign of anyone brave enough to set out in this weather. I don't hear the person behind me returning to their seat, and I get startled when they tap me two times on the shoulder.

I turn around, and my eyes can't believe what I'm seeing. I must've gone as white as a ghost, because he starts chuckling immediately, his warm smile sending alarm bells to my poor heart, that started beating faster.

There he is, dressed in black trousers and a black fitted turtleneck, with his brown hair and perfect pearly whites, looking at me with surprise in his eyes.

"It's really you! How weird to meet you here!" He exclaims with a soft chuckle, and I stand up, shocked.

"Taemin...?" His name plays on my lips, burning my tongue. I haven't said it out loud in years. In fact, I avoided it like the plague, afraid of what saying it would make me think about, but now that I said it, it felt like it was the most natural word that ever came out of my mouth, like my lips missed it, and they wanted me to shout it out all this time I've stayed silent.

All of a sudden, his arms encircle my body and he pulls me in for a hug, and my body reacts unconsciously, grabbing onto his waist and holding tightly, not wanting to let go.

However, we let go, as we can't possibly stay embraced in the middle of a café. I'm not sure he wanted to, anyway.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, feeling my eyes swell up with tears that I try to swallow back. He looks like he's moved on, and his life looks amazing, and everything is fine, but I... don't really want him to know about mine. I tried so hard to stay away from him, but now...

"I should be asking you the same thing." He chuckles. "Would you join me for a cup of coffee? Or a warm tea, since I know it's your favourite drink when it rains."

I smile, remembering how attentive he's always been about my likes and dislikes. Even when we accidentally found this café 5 years ago, we got caught up in the rain because I mentioned in passing that I'd love to see an unknown painter's works and he found an exhibition in some obscure museum with 15 reviews on Maps. With his bad sense of direction and both our phones discharged, we unsurprisingly got lost, and ended up finding this place to take shelter in from the rain.

I nod and sit down at his table, in my exact same spot from the past, just as the waitress brings me my green tea, her eyes scanning the familiarity between me and the man in front of me.

"Being here, I kept thinking about us. What have you been up to?" He asks me with curiosity, slightly leaning in, as if he would hear me better. He always used to do that in the past, which I loved. It felt like being listened to, being heard.

"Oh, you know... just the usual. Work, chill in bed with Kkoong, meeting up with friends. Nothing much, and certainly not as interesting as what you've been doing." I smile, pointing at his successful career.

"Mhm. Even if my work took off, I truly am the same simple guy I was when we used to-" He abruptly stops and scans my face, before changing the subject. "Anyway, is Kkoong good? Ddaeng misses you two."

"I miss you- I mean, I miss Ddaeng as well." I correct quickly, mentally slapping myself for letting my heart take the lead.

Of course I missed him. So many years have passed, and I am still stuck in a state of inertia. Being with him here again, at this same café, feels like we are still the same clueless 25-year-olds, visiting Paris for the first time, full of hopes and dreams that would only end up crashing and burning in front of our eyes as the weight of the world got too much for us to bear, and love doesn't conquer all.

Taemin doesn't seem to mind my little slip-up. He knows how I've always worn my heart on my sleeve. After all, we've been together for many years, before ultimately breaking up. He knows me the best, and I know him like the back of my hand, still.

"The name of this café is pretty ironic." He says, and I raise an eyebrow.

"Ironic? How so?"

"I mean, Meet me in Paris? Isn't it funny that I've searched for you everywhere in Seoul, but I ended up finding you here, in a café lost in time on the outskirts of Paris?" He looks at his coffee cup, now empty.

Perhaps as empty as the two of us.

Taemin has always been like this, expressing himself in cryptic ways, especially when it comes to feelings that don't easily lend themselves to words.

He searched for me? I wouldn't have known.

When we broke up, I decided to let go of everything I once knew, and left my life with him behind. I took Daeng and I left, I changed my number, deleted my socials, and did everything to stay out of radar, while Taemin did the exact opposite, being everywhere: on billboards, in magazines, on TV...

We were simply too different from each other. We lived in incompatible worlds.

"I also didn't expect you to be here." I smile. "Isn't a star like you too busy to waste his time in a deserted café?" I mock his fame, and he blushes. "Also, I assume the drinks are on you."

"Of course they are!" He exclaimed quickly.

"I don't know, you used to be pretty stingy with money." I shrug playfully, and his cheeks only grow redder. He gets embarrassed and avoids my gaze, before scratching his nape and starting apologetically.

"I was kind of an ass, wasn't I?"

We both laugh, and we talk about anything and everything, watching as day turns to night and noticing the exasperated gaze of our waitress.

"The poor girl wants to go home." I say after a while, noticing her sighing for the 10th time in the past 3 minutes. We've been her only clients today, and she probably hated us for spending so many hours and ordering drinks one after another.

"Would it be so inappropriate of me... to invite you back to my hotel?" Taemin asks hesitantly, and I so desperately wished I had the power to refuse him.

But I don't refuse him, because I missed him, and I want him so much still, and just for these few hours spent talking to him, I felt like breaking up with him might've been a mistake, because I was so painfully still in love with him.

He is perhaps but a guilty pleasure.

We walk out of the café at the end of the world and begin walking slowly next to each other. The rain has stopped, and even if the ground is still wet, Paris stays pretty.

The way we are quietly walking next to each other is in such a stark contrast to how we left the café 5-years ago, embraced, and in love, and loud, that it's almost funny. Maybe we've matured in the meantime, or maybe we just aren't brave enough to grab onto each other so openly in the street anymore.

Maybe we simply aren't as happy. Taemin used to smile so much more brightly, being able to light up any room he was in with his cheerfulness. I've never been that joyful, except for when we were together, because he used to bring out the best in me, until he didn't.

Actually, thinking about it, Paris was not only our last trip together, but also the last time I recall being happy next to him. We broke up not even one month after, and it felt so life-altering in that moment, that it's funny to think that it was simply a regular Wednesday morning. Caught in the moment, he said things he regretted, and I paid him back in the same coin, and it was just the last drop that filled the glass of on-going arguments and differences between our life choices.

I know that we didn't work out because we wanted different things from life, but at the end of the day, it's just water under the bridge.

We continue walking to the hotel without saying much, and I wonder how people see us. In the past, they would be looking at us and chuckling to themselves seeing two dumb idiots in love, but now, there was a palpable tension in the distance between our bodies, that wanted nothing more than to touch each other again.

Of course, his hotel is 5 stars in a good area, and his room is on the last floor. We hop on the elevator and wait and wait and wait, and it's moving so slow, it's eating at me and making me reconsider if this really is a good idea.

Last time we were together, we made out everywhere. On the street, on empty hallways, under the burning eyes of the paintings at the museum – but now?

I turn around with determination and watch how awestruck he is still looking at me, 5 years later, and I wrap my arms around his neck and let my body take the lead, remembering his. Our lips brush against each other shily, but after a few seconds, automatism kicked in.

It's way too easy to fall back into each other's arms.

We start kissing passionately, his hands holding onto my hips so tightly, it might bruise, as if he were afraid I would disappear if he didn't hold onto me, and he pins me up against one of the walls and sticks his tongue down my throat. It's so obvious that my mouth missed him, as they sync perfectly, and it feels as good as it feels bad, like we're eating popping candy each time our tongues touch.

Thankfully no one joins us in the elevator, and Taemin keeps grabbing onto me as we make our way towards his room, that's so large it's ridiculous.

We had limited financial resources back then, so our rooms when travelling were always small and cramped, but we were in love, and it didn't matter. A room this large must've felt cold, when he was here alone.

My back finds the mattress of his king size bed quickly as he undresses me hungrily, and soon enough I am naked waist-down and he is towering over me with a look of raw desire in his eyes.

He presses small pecks on my abdomen and kisses downwards slowly and sloppily, until his mouth makes contact with my thigh, and he spreads my legs apart. I let him do whatever he wants, I just revel in the feeling and let my body remember how he felt like on top of me.

When his mouth connects to my core, tongue licking stripes up and down, I roll my head back and put my hand in his hair, caressing him gently, letting him know what a good job he's doing. He's always loved praise, especially in bed. I wonder if his partners after me knew how to praise him; these small gestures and touches that make him feel appreciated.

His tongue continues working on my clit for a bit, before he moves it down, teasing my entrance, just as he knows I like it.

"You taste so good, baby." He says, letting his tongue enter me, and I moan.

"Taemin, please." I whine, impatient to feel him more.

"Please what?" He chuckles, and I playfully slap him on the head, when he looks at me, a dumb smirk playing on his lips.

"I want you so bad." I whimper, and his smirk drops. He immediately gets on top of me, pressing his body against mine, as if he were my knight and I, his Queen, and I've commanded him something.

There is no time to think anything through with the urgency he's undoing his belt, and the feeling of fullness is quick to overcome me as he slips his dick in me, thrusting mercilessly as if it's the last time we're ever going to be together.

And it might be.

The room is filled with moans and whimpers, and we hang onto each other desperately, our bodies remembering each other perfectly. Our clothes are quick to disappear completely. He slips my blouse off and clasps off my bra, his mouth instantly connecting to my nipples, and I, with the same neediness, grab on his turtleneck and help him take it off. Seeing his naked body, I involuntarily clench around him, and the way he moans sends shivers down my spine.

"I missed you so fucking much." He says, voice full of painful beauty as he kisses my collarbones and nibbling on the sweet spot between them and my neck, and I melt once again against his touch, and I know that I'm going to get my heart broken again, but once you start something and the lines start blurring, it's already too late to stop, for you get greedy and you want more.

"I missed you too." I cry out and indulge myself in his touch.

The way he caressed my body was still the most intimate someone touched me. I've had my fair share of partners before him, and many others after, and this still hasn't changed. Taemin's body and mine are made for each other, and this fact gives my heart a sharp pang.

"My love, ever since I lost you, I searched for you in every woman I've been with. I am no longer creative, and I so desperately want it all back, the way it was. I want us back." He confesses while he's thrusting in me.

But what point is there in wanting? I think, but it's so hard to stay focused, with his dick grazing against my sweet spot over and over, when I'm almost seeing stars.

My toes become a curling mess and I wrap around him, and oh, how well he knows me, for he realises I'm so close, and knows exactly how to move his hips right, and I reach my high and hold him so tight, our shadows become one, completely indistinguishable. It's so good that I start getting ashamed of the loud sounds I'm making. Taemin, however, doesn't seem to mind, it even seems to send him over the edge, because his thrusts become sloppy, and his eyes are closed tightly; he looks focused, faint lines on his forehead giving him away.

I am moaning his name, and he is moaning mine, and dancing the Devil's tango has never felt so right, but in the end, if what we're doing is a sin, then we should just be sinners.

He presses his plum lips on mine, muffling both our moans, and he comes inside me, cupping my face with his hands.

"My muse, please don't leave me again... I promise you I won't make the same mistakes..." He kisses me hard, and if until now I was able to control my tears, they are now breaking my wall of strength, and he wipes them off my cheeks with his thumbs and kisses them away.

"Taemin... empty promises will wear..." I say, and he shakes his head.

"Please... don't leave me again... I've just found you..." He insists, sounding so needy, I melt. But how can I go back to how we were in the past? What if what he's feeling for me is not love, but limerence?

I no longer want to make any mistakes. We were so wrong for each other; what guarantee is there that this time we'll get it right?

At the end of the day, we are still different people, living our lives in different ways, so...

He guides me to the bathroom and we wash each other, just as we used to do. Five years ago, when we came here, we had such a small bathroom, we barely had space to shower at the same time. This bathroom now, however, is so much bigger, it's almost uncomfortable.

There's too much space between us we simply can't fill.

We then head to bed and fall asleep embraced, but as I always used to, I wake up way too early, and being tangled up in his sheets like this makes me think that maybe giving us another chance wouldn't be so bad. However, even if we share the same bed, we still have different dreams, and that's not something that can get changed easily. If it were, we would've never broken up in the first place.

I get up, careful not to wake him up, and get dressed slowly, thinking thinking thinking thinking.

I could get out and make sure he'll never see me again.

But... is that what I really want?

~

~one year later~

Paris is still the same bustling city I remembered it to be, but my safe corner is as quiet as usual.

Rencontre moi à Paris still smells of coffee beans, the chairs are still rusted, and not much has changed in a year, except for the wallpaper on the wall that's slightly ripped around the corners.

I slowly head to my table, occupied by a brunette man in a black fitted turtleneck, who sits with his back turned.

I don't say anything, I simply walk over and sit right in front of him, in my empty chair, and he raises his gaze from the cup, his eyes glimmering in the soft lights.

"Taemin." I smile. "You really came."

"You're fucking crazy." He shakes his head in disapproval. "Who leaves like that?"

"Like what?" I chuckle and play dumb.

"Like what?" He imitates me, and I stick out my tongue at him. "Normal people leave their phone numbers at least, but you?! You fucking- who the hell leaves a note like this?!" He angrily takes out a napkin carefully folded and throws it on the table in front of me.

Rencontre moi à Paris, 18 November, 15:00. Is what is written in pen in my handwriting.

Seeing it, I chuckle.

"You kept it!"

"What if I wouldn't have been able to change my schedule and come here?" He scolds me, but I just shrug.

"That would've meant nothing's changed, and that I made the right choice to not give you my number last year."

"I told you, didn't I? I won't make the same mistakes again. I really want to make us work."

"Then... shall we go back to your hotel? I really missed you. Besides, we don't want the waitress to stare daggers at us again, do we?" I whisper with a slight laugh and stand up, giving him my hand, and he takes it quickly and kisses it tenderly.

"I missed you too, my love. Please never disappear on me again..."

I smile and nod, and we get out of the café hand in hand. His thumb slowly brushes against the back of my hand, and I smile, because I truly missed him, and I was glad he actually listened to the stupid note I left on the napkin and came here.

Perhaps we won't fuck it up this time around, and we will finally be happy together, for we are already in madly love, and time apart hasn't changed that.

After all, two negative signs added together make a positive, right?

~The End~

[mykoreanlove]

sleepy no more

The first rays of sunshine fought their way into your bedroom, tickling you awake from your serene slumber. You opened your eyes slowly, still drowsy from sleep. Strong arms were wrapped around you, holding you close to the warm body they belonged to. A giant smile formed on your lips as you realized whose body it was – Taemin’s.

You felt the joy expand in your heart, the excitement tingle in your lips and the butterflies fly in your stomach. You relaxed into his grip, reveling in the security and comfort it gave you. Seconds after you felt him moving his body, adjusting to the new position. His arms tightened around you, pulling you much closer to him. His plush lips found its way to your neck, placing delicate kisses all over it.

“Baby, are you up?”

Your heart fluttered again. Not only because he spoke to you in Korean and you understood what he had said, but also because he was loving to you like that.

Baby. Baby. Baby.

You were his baby, forever and ever.

You grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips, kissing his knuckles as you answered. You didn’t see his smile but there was no doubt that he was shining just as brightly as the sun outside.

“Turn around”, another whisper which made you feel goosebumps everywhere.

You shifted and turned, now facing him directly. His long, dark hair fell into his beautiful face, slightly covering his almond shaped eyes.

“Good morning, beautiful”, he whispered soundly.

By now you were sure that the butterflies spread throughout your whole body, capturing every cell with excitement.

“Good morning, handsome”, you replied sweetly.

Taemin broke out in laughter, his joy was contagious. You could have sworn that it was impossible to love him more, but you were wrong. Seeing him like that unlocked new depths to your relationship, deepening your devotion to him even more.

“You’re odorobol, y/n”.

You spent countless moments gazing into each other’s eyes and losing yourself in them, before Taemin’s hand landed on your face caressing you. You felt his sturdy fingers on your soft skin, tracing cautiously.

“Can I tell you a secret?”, he asked shyly.

You nodded curiously.

“When I wasn’t working, I used to sleep a lot. Did I ever tell you why?”

Images of his members picking on him for sleeping so much flashed your mind, but you never thought much about it. Surely, he had to be exhausted from all the hard work, right? You shook your head, encouraging him to go on.

“I was so overwhelmed by life back then, so… hurt. I didn’t know how to cope with all these heavy emotions, so I just went to sleep. Each time I fell asleep I got a break from all that. Finally, I got a break from being me.”

Heaviness arose in your chest as it was painful for you to imagine him like that. Your fingers clasped his wrist, signaling that you were there for him. Taemin’s sad eyes lightened up under your touch, feeling your immense love for him in every moment.

“Ever since I met you, y/n, I don’t feel like that at all. I couldn’t wait to go to sleep and escape reality but now I hardly ever want to go to bed. Unless, you know…”, he laughed sneakily.

You slapped his broad chest and hid your face ashamed, as racy images of last night flooded your mind. Taemin’s chest was vibrating with laughter, making it nearly impossible to stay serious.

“Hey, look at me”, he tilted your head up, gazing into your eyes deeply.

“What I wanted to say was, that I don’t feel like that anymore, y/n. All because of you. I don’t feel the need to escape anymore because my life is freaking amazing. You are amazing.”

You saw the deep adoration in his eyes, making you surrender to him even more. Taemin placed his lips on yours, kissing you gently before declaring his love for you.

“Finally, reality is so much better than my dreams. All because of you, baby.”

Swiftly, he got up and hovered over you, cherishing you with kisses all over.

“All because of you.”

[nirvanawrites111]

Taemin Master List

Chase Me

Arch That Back Baby

Play Things (Taemin x Reader x Jimin)

Supreme King

Goddess Energy

Escape With You

Escape With You Part 2

[casablancarossa]

Stolen Night.

<<an [Angsty] taemin x reader scenario>>

Synopsis: You and Taemin had history, and not all history is rainbows and roses and now, you two are going deal with that history whether you two liked it or not.

Pairings : taemin x female!reader

Genre : Angst

Content Warning : Language, Alcohol, Implied Sex

Author's Note: I love a good angsty moment, only time I get to imagine Taemin as anything but baby cheese.

This is a long one so get comfy and..

Enjoy your stay♥️

In the long series of desks, placed side by side with little nightlight for the students who preferred an evening study session, your hunched frame sat somewhere in the middle close to the nearest working water machine that would dispense hot water for your tea. Surround you was; Onew, who had his head down, resting on his arms, half asleep, placed on your right; Kibum who was perched on a seat, on the other side of Onew, knees pressed up to his chest, reading the latest Vogue magazine; Minho, who has focused on rewatching last night's football match with earphones on, sitting right in front of Kibum, and of course your 'boyfriend', but not, Taemin, who has sat in front of you doing nothing but practically throwing daggers with his eyes.

You could barely make an audible sigh to catch their attention, quietly mumbling to yourself that you shouldn't have told them where you were. It was fortunate that despite how noticeable the boys are, none of the other students in the library have made a fuss. That or they have been really discreet and you'll probably wake up tomorrow seeing photos plastered with the headline. 'Ex-SM Trainee supported by boyfriend and group'. You iterate to yourself once more, a little louder this time, they shouldn't have bothered visiting you, feeling more like a burden than usual.

"Yeah, but who else is going to tell you to chill and take a break..", Onew's voice was slightly slurred and barely the hum of a whisper, but you manage to pick up on every word, rolling your eyes at the fact that he was correct.

You pondered in silence, pursing your lips and smiling as you lean to ruffle Onew's hair, thanking him and by extension the rest of the guys for making time to see you.

When you boldly made the choice to pursue further education in Japan, you'd think that it would be your your parents, who would be sad and pleading you that you can pursue the same course in Seoul, or your younger siblings crying that they would be lost without you, but those experiences paled in comparison to how the men, sitting in the library with you now, reacted. At first, they thought it was a joke, but when suddenly you needed Kibum to simplify an application form so you could properly fill it up, the news suddenly hit them like a wall, which ensued an elaborate 3-month plan to find ways to make you stay.

You could only laugh at the stupidity of it all. It wasn't like you were travelling halfway across the world. You were essentially a small pond away and if anything the boys could visit you anytime them wanted when they had a long period of promotions in Japan.

"I appreciate you guys coming, but Taemin looks like he is regretting not using his maknae privilege to go back to the dorm, instead he is staring at me like he wants to kill me", you whisper harshly while spinning your head to see if your comment was loud enough to disturb the other students in the area.

His eyes darkened with every glare, tucking his legs further into the table so that he could throw his leg out, kicking you at the shins which elicited a yelp out of you followed by dead silence at the other library goers look at you. How could he not be so annoyed, when you barely greeted him and have been talking to him informally and seem to dote extra hard on the other but not him.

Your face scrunches, throwing an annoyed look at Taemin before casting a pleading one towards Minho, who sighed and reached to flick Taemin at the back of the head. Taemin in response tried to lunge towards Minho with a fake taunt, fist pulled back and he would have tried to push the fake out if it weren't for Key who finally raised his head from what he was reading, ripping out a hiss through his teeth, the look of annoyance on his face. It was enough to placate Minho and Taemin from turning a fake out to an actual hissy fight but Key had ulterior motives, leaving his seat to take the spare one beside you, resting his arm on the backrest of your chair and leaning in close to you.

"Look, no one has been more supportive than I have in you leaving the company, but going to Tokyo for a fine arts course is a bit of a left field"

"Get to your point oppa", you groan, throwing your head back to look at him.

The sudden closeness between the two of you irritated the dark haired male sitting across you, folding his arms and looking at any direction but in front of him.

"I'm just saying, you're a talented person, you ran rings around idols who have been around for much longer and you're a triple threat..." Key further spoke, his eyes soften as if memories just played in his head in one big reel.

"And if it weren't for Taemin and the company, I would have been under the label... but I didn't and now I can't even work on the stuff I worked on" your voice dropped before looking away, stealing a glance to see that Taemin had heard your statement and responded with a clenched jaw after hearing his name so specifically mentioned.

The reason why Taemin was your boyfriend, but technically not, was because it was all just for show to save face.

Almost a year ago, a set of photos released by Dispatch from an anon source, caused waves with netizens. Said photos were primarily photos of Taemin at a nightclub in Spain, with one one in particular was a photo of Taemin engaging in intimate relations with a random girl on the dancefloor. The photo was blurry at best and most people had doubts if it even was Taemin. Normally, this would have been swept under a rug, especially since a lot of people thought it wasn't him and for the people who did think it was Taemin, were hellbent on finding out who the girl was as nasty comments flied in, cursing the innocent party, calling them a whore for ruining Taemin's image.

However, if SM controlled the press by saying it was a photo of Taemin and his girlfriend, then maybe fans would be more forgiving. Coincidentally, it wasn't just Taemin, but you and the rest of the SHINee members were spotted at that club in Spain.

That's where you come into the picture. You had been waiting to be debuted under SM and debut a rebranded image of yourself. Originally starting as a self-produced indie artist, your sporadic attendance in music shows and the rumours of your debut with SM, meant that you could be very well acquainted with SHINee.

If SM could spin that you and Taemin had just begun a relationship prior to the photo, then maybe netizens wouldn't call their 'ace' a sudden playboy, making out with random girls when he is drunk.

It took about 2 months after the official statement was released before the knives were suddenly turned towards you. People were calling you a sell-out for signing with a company. People were saying that you were using your relationship with Taemin to launch your music career. They know nothing, you thought to yourself. Meanwhile Taemin, came out of it unscathed, being a private person, meant he didn't have to worry about posting about you constantly and if you were in his posts, usually it is with other SHINee members.

By default, SM had put your debut on standby, stating that debuting you so soon after your scandal might not generate good PR, while Taemin only had his comeback pushed back by 2 months.

After almost a year wait after the incident, you gave up waiting being in the good graces of the company and just left for Japan. Now that you think about it, you technically weren't out of your contract, but you haven't been home in 2 months and yet you and Taemin were still pretending to be a couple in public. Your consistent closeness with SHINee would raise questions if you and Taemin ever 'broke up' and malicious rumour could pop out again.

Your train was thoughts was rudely cut off with Key leaning in to blow air onto your cheeks, causing a shock in your system before suppressing your giggle and smacking him in the arm. "Earth to Y/N, I was asking if you just want to rent out the book and I promise I will help you study in the dorm with wine"

"What? She's staying the night?" Taemin rejected the thought of you entering the dorm, which broke your heart slightly.

"She's your girlfriend, and also she's our friend, of course she can.." Minho whispered, flicking his wrist to smack Taemin on the shoulders with a sly grin.

"She's not my ---"

"She's not your girlfriend.. we get it.. jeeze Taem, you'd think you hate the poor girl" Onew interjects in Taemin's rebuttal, finally sitting up and stretching his arms out before resting one over your shoulder, tussling your hair gently.

Seeing his hyungs so close to you, practically hit a nerve in Taemin, although as much as he wants to deny it doesn't, it does. His chest rises with a deep breath in before controlling his breath out, trying to calm himself, rolling his eyes before turning his head to look at Minho who was now playing with the pages of Kibum's magazine.

"Alright okay, fine, we can go for dinner --" you began, raising your wrist to look at your watch, but noticing that it had gotten pretty late, "-- or midnight snack. But Tokyo never sleeps so... I'll pick up the book next time"

You began closing various books on historical art and started piling them to a stack. You shoo'd away Key or Onew's hands whenever they tried to help you pack your bag, insisting that you can manage by yourself, giggling whenever Onew would pout saying that 'SHINee's Princess' should be spoiled even when she is studying. Your eyes could only roll at the statement, scoffing at how ridiculous it sounded but you basically have been adopted by majority of the SHINee members, often doting on you since they met you at the recording studio.

"Go on, you guys can wait outside, I'll just return these then I'll head out. Bummie oppa, can you take my bag please?"

Key nodded and waved you off as the boys stand up, getting themselves ready, picking up any loose items and placing them in your bag before collectively leaving the library.

As you navigated what felt like a maze, you began muttering curses. Particularly, curses about Taemin. In your eyes the man was complete idiot, but so were you. Your suddenly vocalized monologue of being annoyed, made your blood boil, expressing your disbelief that you even liked him, still like him, hell he never left your thoughts for more than minute, you sighed to yourself, that only if you knew what he was like outside of his idol image, you wouldn't have picked him as your bias.

Your ramblings had manifested physically, every time you voiced out something that Taemin did that annoyed you, you would grab one of the more sturdier book and lightly bang it against your head, or a surge of energy would cause you to jump up and down, punching the air violently before letting out a barely there scream.

"You're an idiot Lee Taemin... so fucking drunk, you forgot it was me that night.." you sighed in defeat while placing a book on one of the shelves.

Seeing the book you had just placed, suddenly get taken away, definitely spooked you, but you were ill prepared to see a face pop into view. Taemin's face, looking at you with curious eyes. "Hm. For someone who had a lot to say about me, you're pretty silent now", his voice felt flat, cold, unnatural.

"You'd be silent too if you got scared like I did" you scoffed, walking away, continuing to look for the sections the remaining books in your arm would go.

"So... you still like me huh?" Taemin smirks, following you and grabbing a random book from a shelf to inspect it, brushing his finger against the pages before returning it.

"I'm surprised that's what you got amongst all the other shit I've said.."

You stop in an aisle and tried to appropriately place a book on the shelf, making sure it didn't accidently push out another book or accidentally smash and crimping the pages. "Why are you here Taemin?", you paused but your head refused to look at his direction.

Taemin's frame casually leans against the bookcase, folding his arms and bit his lips a few times, an obvious sign that he was hesitant in speaking out his thoughts. He carefully brushed his dark locks back and sighed, turning his head away as he tries to form sentences in his head before speaking out of turn. "Look Y/N, I know we really haven't seen eye to eye recently and yeah I know, you blame me for not debuting..."

"Look at that. The great SM ace, Lee Taemin is self aware after all", the dryness in your voice, mixed with sarcasm, didn't seem to faze him at all.

"I didn't tell SM to use your name. Frankly I would have been happy to say it was a secret girlfriend and then make a 'breakup' announcement a few months later" Taemin tried to defend himself..

"Oh for crying out loud Taemin...." you groan softly, rolling your eyes, but your words had stopped, trapped in between your tongue. An aggravated sigh left your lips before pushing past him and turning a corner to place your last book in its spot.

"Look, I said I'm sorry! I'm sorry I stalled your plans..." he sighs defeatedly, his head following your movement

"Taemin.. ", you take a deep breath before continuing ".. do I look like I give a flying fuck about my plans or debuting?" you tone controlled but loud enough that it was met with a few hushes from lurking students who were also trying to check out a few books.

"Should I not assume so? You looked miserable studying. You looked like you'd rather be anywhere else but here" he retorts, pacing up closer to you and grabbing your arms to pull you to a more secluded part of the library, ending up near the door of an emergency stairwell.

The strength in which he dragged you, should be something you could easily counter, but you felt weak in his hold, like something in you wanted to see where this could lead, then again, you are not the happiest towards him, so you have to actively try and push him away.

"Let me go Taemin...you're wrong. I'd rather be anywhere else but beside you" you grunted, prying his hands away from your arms, turning on your heels to walk away.

But before you even thought about taking a step, Taemin, grabbed you by the arms again, pulling you towards him and pinning you against the bookcases with a solid thud. His arms placed on either side of your head, gripping onto the shelves, almost leaning down to look at you.

"So what are you so annoyed about then?" his soft voice interlaced with intrigue, he almost sings the question to your ear.

You remained to stand firm, refusing to buckle underneath him, but your eyes met and you couldn't help but soften your gaze the minute you saw those sweet pools, drowning you out. It was tough, but you finally were able to break eye contact, lowering your head , almost pressing down onto his shoulders.

Taemin remained in silence, keeping his position still, only to turn and weave his head whenever to try to observe your face and to gauge your expressions. After a while, he tried to pursue a question he tried to avoid asking since you caught him following you. "Why are you still thinking about that night?"

He was met with your head, shaking, refusing to answer. Taemin presses the question once more, this time, his voice was so sweet to your ear it was almost tempting. Your eyes close and your head throws back, banging the back slightly against the shelving, in a rhythmic pulse. "Y/N?"

"That night in Spain? The photos? Taemin, that wasn't some random girl. It was me", your eyes open to see his face so close to yours.

Taemin remained silent, nothing on his countenance could help you gauge his thoughts and feelings as you speak. Does he remember? Why is he not reacting at all? Maybe he doesn't like the fact it was me.

"Then you left the next morning and by the afternoon.. you didn't even remember it was me that you were with...", your voice quivered, trying to remain calm.

"So you know something after all..."

A dry chuckle left Taemin's throat, and you stared at him, puzzled and worried. For the longest time since the photo leak and days prior to it, you assumed that Taemin had no recollection of that night or who he was with. To the same extent, Taemin had made similar assumptions towards you.

Now both of you are faced with the dilemma and knowledge, that you two remember a little bit more than you two would like to reveal. The memories did puzzle themselves back together with rough timeline of that night.

~~

SHINee have often holidayed in Spain and took notions to fly out there during their spare time. They can roam around somewhat anonymously and usually you would be tagged along with them.

The last trip you accompanied them with, they were finally able to do the trip without any 'company' chaperone. That means, it was just the 5 of you, with no managers, no on-site Korean local translators, no supervision and no nightly check-ups.

Through tactical socializing and a few friendly handshakes and offers for drinks, you managed to get you and the boy a last minute reservation for a booth in a club that you had heard about from another indie artist. It was esentially the group's first night of freedom and the boys could be messy as long as it didn't generate enough buzz back home.

So it was no surprise that Minho had turned into a sporty frat boy for the duration of the trip, Key pushed the limits of his alcoholism , Onew, being the great leader that he is, was reserved, dabbling into drinking and re-exploring the world of cigarettes and cigars. Taemin on the other hand, had no qualms of suppressing his need to flirt, to seduce and to casually bang girls for the duration of the trip. If it weren't for you and Key returning back to the AirBnB, you wouldn't have caught Taemin trying to eat out a girl on the dining table.

A stark difference to the Taemin, who only a few weeks up to that point, could barely have enough of you. He was flirty, attached to the hip and endlessly sought out ways to catch your attention. To only have himself in your eyes and he was well aware that you liked him back. But after a heart-breaking rejection from your end, Taemin's attitude had somewhat flipped and next thing you know you were cast aside. Still friendly, but somewhat off.

It shouldn't hurt the way it should have, and god knows you were madly into Taemin, but with your career on the line, at the time, rejecting him felt like it was the only right thing to do.

So when it came to that night in the club, it was almost weird to have Taemin cling onto you. He stuck close by and eventually when Key, Minho and Onew were basically trapped in their own bubble, partying with the locals on opposite sides of the place, Taemin was practically inseparable from you.

The way he mewled your name, how he sat close you, resting his arms over your shoulder, his spare hand resting on your lap, and how he'd pull you in, so you could hear his ramblings through the loud music. All of it, along with your trusted wingman, alcohol, made the night one giant dream.

That night, Taemin would passively comment how you broke his heart and now he had to find you through other girls. How none of them carried the weight your smile did for him. How he could never get lost in their eyes. How he never felt the need to protect their smiles. Eventually, Taemin blamed himself for his actions. He knew better, he knew what it was like to debut and the price that came with that; he understood why you had to reject him in the first place.

At some point, you were convinced the the boy didn't know what he was on about. You heavily doubted he'd remember all of this and you'd find out the next morning that you'd be right.

Equally, you too delved into the deepest parts of your heart, affirming Taemin that you also liked him back, how you've always had a crush in him and in the turbulent world of the industry, more than SHINee, more than anyone else, Taemin had been the most supportive. He was the only one who saw you sparkle the way you wanted to. You both know, you were madly obsessed with each other, but there was never the right time. Pouring your heart out came easy with alcohol, but you remained coy, almost demure, despite your choice of clothing, and Taemin loved all of it and he admits to you that he has to come into terms of letting the idea of you go.

But he followed you to the dancefloor that night, amongst the crowd, his hands barely left your waist, moving and grinding against your body. As the climactic beat drops, his head would also lower, softly grazing his lips along your neck, peppering it with kisses until you succumb and sink back into his frame, rolling your head to the side, giving him more access to drown you in affection. Suddenly you two were lost in the buzz and the music and by the time you had spun around to face Taemin, all sense of thought just left your head.

You grabbed him by his shirt and him pulling you closer than possible, the vague memory of whispering, unsure who said what.. It was barely audible and you could barely remembered what you said to him and what his response was, but it must have been something insane because immediately, Taemin has pulled you closer, hand on your neck and waist as he plants a heavy and heated kiss. Instinctively, you pushed into the kiss, lapping up his lips and softly nibbling on the bottom one before letting out a soft moan as his teeth grazes on your tongue, one of his hand sneakily reaching down to squeeze your ass through your dress.

Then it was a blur. Amongst your memories was the heavy make-out sessions in the bathroom in the club, the make-out in the hallway on the way out of the club, getting in trouble with the taxi driver as you two could barely keep your hands off each other.

The next thing you remember is waking up in your bed, naked, feeling a bit sore, but also alone. As you crawl over to the edge of the bed, you see your discarded clothes, but no evidence of the man you brought to your bed last night.

By lunch time as you came to the dining table late, despite being severely hungover, Onew and Minho teased you as a large bruised mark encompassed the side of your neck, Key was busy making brunch and Taemin who was sitting opposite you, was claiming, he truly had minor recollection of last night but vividly remember making out with a random 'bitch'. That was the term he used and it was stuck in your brain like glue. He probably didn't mean it as maliciously as he intended, but it still stung you, confused on the exact events, but you were damn near certain, it was you and Taemin who were in bed, but maybe not. Maybe it wasn't Taemin I was with. You try to convince yourself that it really wasn't Taemin because we would never cross the line like that.

So you also claim that you had no memory, claiming the last thing you remembered was convincing Key to do shots with you, before flirting with some dancer who was up on makeshift stages. Taemin's face contorts in confusion before remaining silent, internally questioning whether you truly forgot, because you spoke so confidently not even throwing a glance at him.

~~

By the look on his face now, and his words earlier on that you could tell the memory wasn't too blurred for him, in fact he appears to remember all of it, down to the last detail, while you only have a vague recollection of it. A memory that you only remembered clearer access to, months after the fact. After the photo leak, after the PR announcement, after several months of posed "photo-ops". By that point, you almost seemed certain it was him and to you, it seemed like you were the only one to remember. How wrong you were now.

Now that you two are standing so close to each other in the back corner of some library, the tense intimacy of hearing the shift of one's breathing or the slight double beat of their pulse.

"Even if I only remember some bits..." you hissed lowly, slightly pushing Taemin back with your hands to create a gap. "To you, I was just another girl in your endless quest and I'm not going to stand here pretending I'm okay with that" the was a quiver in your voice, eyes glistening, as you duck under his arms, attempting to leave, pushing the door of the emergency exit stairwell, rushing down the stairs

"What? Hold on y/n, what?", puzzled, Taemin chases after you, slamming the fire door shut.

Taemin was almost too stunned, yes, he may have tried to suppress the memories of that night but it was apparent to him and only him that he remembered that night distinctively different from you. His eyes cast over, as you starts rushing down the set of stairs, before turning back to look at him, ready to scream.

"For fuck's sake Taemin, you took advantage of the fact that I had feelings for you.! Then the next day, you thought you had been with a random girl, when it was me! Turns out you knew all along and yet you have been nothing but an asshole to me. I lost my chance at a good career trying to protect you!" your voice croaked loudly, feeling the pain in your chest swell.

The blur of sadness and rage seeped into you and seeing the shocked look on his face, made it impossible for you to know how you truly wanted to vent out but you at least wanted to make yourself heard.

"Take advantage? Of your feelings?!"

"Yes, you did!"

"Y/N, you know damn well, I have always been interested in you, you knew how much I wanted to be with you. You knew that I would never use you like that. I would never hurt you like that"

"Never hurt me? You left me in the morning like I'm just your average one night stand. You made me believe, you didn't even care enough to remember me after I gave myself to you that night. After I poured my heart and soul out to you. And in the last year, you made me think, I was the most despicable person in earth to you... "

Your words struck like ice to Taemin, internally questioning how wrong you have been about it all. He angrily kicks the wall and paces trying to control the hot air that filled his lungs.

"Tell me I'm wrong!" you push a little bit, taking one step up to face the man above you.

"You are wrong.." he whispers lowly, but enough for you to catch it.

"Why?"

"I...I can't.." the groan that escapes him almost sounds beastly.

"Taemin, if you can't tell me that I was wrong, then can you consider that I am right? Instead of resisting it, can't you just admit to me that it's your fault we are in this mess" you were practically pleading, maybe because internally you wish that something was different like something was missing on your part and maybe Taemin could finally answer it.

"No, you're wrong."

"Then tell me wh -- "

"--because it was you who begged from the very beginning, y/n! You're the one who told me to never mention it", he yells back, aggravated that he was suddenly being turned to a bad guy. "You told me, no matter what, that night was a dream, to draw a line over it. Had I known that it would affect you this much, I would have said something" Taemin blurts out. "I spent the last year, trying to make it easier for you."

"Wh-what? Easier?!", you were taken aback, a little breathless but mildly insulted, nothing about your life in the last year has been easy.

"At the dancefloor, you told me that you wished that we weren't who we were, so we could experience the sensation and thrill of being obsessed with each other.. " Taemin suddenly paused, trying to control his facial expression as he wracks his brain to continue speaking. "... then at home, after... after we fucked..", cementing the action in his brain after struggling for ways to phrase it. "After that, you cried Y/N. As we passed out, you wished that this was all a dream and asked that we should forget about it, because then it wouldn't be as hard to fool ourselves, that there was no sparks, no chemistry, no connection, between us. "

Taemin continues to elaborate the year long pain that struck his heart. The morning after, he doubled down on your wishes, claiming he was with another girl instead. How, back in Korea, when the photos leaked, he intended to reject the idea of using your name to cover his actions, but you had already agreed before he could contest it and the company rolled with it. He even feigned innocence and honest worry, when he got the rest of SHINee to ask you about that night but the more they asked, the more you replied that nothing happened and probably just had a steamy makeout session in a hallway with a dancer or a random club goer.

He felt like the facade of acting like a couple, was a knife to both of your hearts. To be so dishonest in the shared affection between you two whether it was in public or on camera and it broke him. So in effort to spare the both of you from the illusion of what might have been, he actively distanced himself even more since the night you two shared, but he also actively stopped sleeping around and threw himself into work because all he wanted was you, but to him it seemed like you no longer saw him the same way.

"I spent the last few months, wishing that we didn't need to avoid it. To talk about it. Maybe.. if we were a little honest with each other, then we wouldn't be in this shit show" he sighs, stepping down the stairs so he was just one step above you, looking down at you.

His forehead was on a tightly knit, eyes desperately looking into yours as if he was searching for the answers to his problems.

You, on the other hand was left speechless, looking at him unravel and pour his heart out made you shake your head as you continue down the stairwell, trying to control your breathing as the impeding breakdown creeps in your chest.

There was a cold unfathomable tension as the silence got longer, you could barely string sentences trying to see the good in the misguided flaw of Taemin's plans. As you reach the fire exit door that leads to a small hallway where another exit of the library is, you look back to see Taemin was not too far off, just one flight of stairs behind you before he sits on the top step, looking at you with pitiful eyes.

"Please say something, y/n.."

Your hands tried to push the door open, trying to ignore the situation, but you had more questions than answers and you were unsure what state your heart was. "If you had known after all... you could have something, because I spent months thinking, you didn't remember. I spent months trying to hate you, even when my career went down and I couldn't"

"I gathered as much. I wished you had said something too, because it was so damn believable. I genuinely thought you regretted that night so hard, it was out of your memory. Even Key hyung, asked you about it repeatedly" his soft voice lowered along with his head.

He was right, You did find Key's behaviour odd, but you also assumed Key was just looking out for you, making sure nothing terrible happened that night. As you look at Taemin, you couldn't bear the last year being one giant misunderstanding. You bit your lip, grunting in annoyance before pushing the door open, attempting to leave the building with Taemin not too far behind you. The soft whimper he lets out as you walk away, catches your ear.

There's the Taemin you know. Determined, warm and willing to do anything to make it right between the two of you. This Taemin would always be one step behind you at all times. He calls your name repeatedly despite you ignoring it. What can you say to him? I'm sorry? I take it all back. Let's start over again? No. You shook your head, nothing was right and suddenly the sight of the rest of SHINee, looking at you put a harder strain in your chest.

As Taemin tries to catch up, Key holds back Minho and Onew from approaching the two of you after seeing the distraught look on your face, barely keeping it together from breaking down crying. Key knew, he had to let Taemin handle this on his own.

"Y/N, please talk to me!" Taemin calls out, almost screaming once you two were outside.

Your steps halted to a pause. You wanted to run to the rest of them, to hug them and distract yourself, but with Taemin behind you, you were pitted in the middle. Deal with Taemin or tell the rest what happened. Your feet shuffles, turning to the dark haired boy, slowly walking towards him. "What is there to talk about Taemin?"

"Everything..."

"There's nothing to talk about.."

"Yes there is. Where are we Y/N?"

"Nowhere, there's nothing between us. Apparently we don't hate each other and we are bad at talking to each other." a defeated laugh escapes your throat as a tear decorates your cheek, the weight of the last year suddenly feeling much more lighter. "We were both in the wrong.. "

"So what now? A-are we good...? What do we do now?" Taemin fumbles, seeing you cry brought him back to that moment, wanting nothing more than to hug you.

"I guess... we're good?" nodding your head with a soft smile. "We definitely need to share everything that we know.."

"What happens next?", there was glimmer in Taemin's eyes, for the first time in a while he rarely saw a genuine smile from you that was meant for him.

Pensively, you sucked your bottom lip in, biting on it gently as you ponder his words, before nodding your head, almost bowing. Your feet itched to start walking towards the rest of the guys, as you leave Taemin behind. As soon as you knew, you were within an earshot of Taemin and the rest, you quickly spin to face his direction.

"Yah! Lee Taemin, how about we try being friends again!" you yelled out to him with a grin. "You'll end up trying to win me over again right? I'll be expecting you in the future!"

"Oh? I'll hold you to that! If you fall in love with me again, you can't say no this time!" Taemin yells back, laughing as he chases after you before hopping to hook an arm around your shoulder and his spare hand ruffle your hair.

Meanwhile, the rest of the guys smile to each other, seeing that peace has been brokered between you and Taemin. They chuckle as they expect you two barrelling towards them, quickly ruffling Taemin's hair before hugging you.

"I won't miss the chance to win you over in the future." Taemin began sighing as he takes a step in front of you and holds his hand out. "I'll do it right this time. But we only have now, tonight. So.. hello, I'm Lee Taemin"

You smile sweetly, bowing before you take his hand and shake it agreeably. "Hello, I'm Y/N. Please look after me!", you bow once more.

For the first time in a long time, its like the world had given you a second chance to reset. A gift for the two lives to connect again. That was you and Taemin, it was a turbulent year indeed, but now the shackles of your mistakes will just be a memory, a learning anecdote. Maybe this time, you will finally give him a chance and maybe this time, Taemin would communicate a bit better.

As the five of you walk towards the main square outside the library to catch a taxi to the closest open restaurant, just ever so slightly, you and Taemin were just a half step behind the rest. Throwing soft glances at each other, slowly communicating that it will be all okay eventually. Yes there is so much more to handle and talk about, but right now at this moment, you two were okay, there was no animosity, no angry tensions, it was just a bittersweet happiness and right now that was enough. Both of you stepped on the bridge at the same time and hopefully one day, you two would meet in the middle with a more happier situation that you two wanted.

"So, would now be a bad time to tell yous that I knew you two banged?" Minho quickly interjects as the group waits by the road.

The groups looks at the tall male in shock, almost ready to jump him.

"What? I literally saw you walk out of her room shirtless with your back covered in scratches. Had to wipe it from my memory. I know Taemin was a playboy, but didn't want to imagine that Y/N was a freak in bed too" Minho gestures towards Taemin and you with a slight disgusted look on his face

"Hyung!"

"Oppa!"

You and Taemin whined as Minho chuckles to himself earning a slap on the shoulder from Key. In the midst of the chaos, Taemin had instinctively wrapped his arm around your shoulder, almost shielding you from the embarassment, but also reaffirming that both of you are suffering together in said embarassment.

"What? Too soon? They'll eventually need to laugh about it!" Minho looks defensively as Key curses him out for his tactlessness.

Then that's when it happened. You were laughing, stark red in the face and you take a stealing glance at the man who still had his arm around you, but you looked a little longer than expected and Taemin had turned his head enough to lock eyes with you. The world almost paused in that moment and the bubble had formed. The both of you knew there was still pain in your hearts, but you two could finally talk about it now. That's when it happened. The spark that never wavered. The chemistry that never died. The knowledge that this could be something great as long as you two worked on it together.

Taemin flashes a weak smile, like he was still burdened, mouthing, It's okay. We'll be okay. He tries hard to not get so teary eyes as he ruffles your hair, before guiding your head so he could plant a kiss on your forhead. His breathing hitched trying not to full on bawl in front of everyone. He realized and so did you, that you two have wasted a year in this madness and the only step forward is to learn and heal and not look back. You found your arm also hooking around his torso, to pull him tighter for a hug.

"We'll be okay.."

"I know.."

"Promise me something right now Taemin.." you quickly state as the taxi rolls towards the group.

"Anything"

"No matter how hard I push and pull.. don't give up on... us"

"I promise. Like I said, I will win you over properly this time. And this time, there will be no confusion about it" he quickly pecks your cheek before he guides to the taxi door, holding it open for you.

"I'm sorry for everything.."

"I'm sorry too..."

What happened was the past now. All you and Taemin can do is just take everything, one step at a time. Together.

Fin

[seonghwaddict]

to taint your soul — choi san

in which apparently even the daughter of an exorcist is not safe from the corruption of an incubus.

incubus!choi san x exorcist’s daughter!fem!reader. genre. smut, angst, southern gothic vibes. warnings. barely any plot, religious themes, religious guilt, swearing, explicit sexual content mdni, corruption, loss of virginity, masturbation (f.), referenced dacryphilia, fingering, referenced oral (f.), manhandling?, multiple orgasms, rough and gentle, big dick!san, creampie, marking, nicknames (angel, pretty girl, sweet girl, sweetheart). wc. 7.3k. rating. mature.

lilo’s notes. i should do more mythological characters!ateez cuz i enjoyed writing this and the lamb and the wolf. the demonology book/text here is partially from The Encylopedia of Demons and Demonology by Rosemary Ellen Guiley, but i made up some parts for the sake of the story. THIS FIC DOES NOT REPRESENT ANY OF MY OPINIONS AND I DO NOT INTEND TO OFFEND ANYONE.

listening to. burning desire, lana del rey // gibson girl, ethel cain // lilies, ethel cain & mercy necromancy // ptolemaea, ethel cain // heaven, taemin

masterlist.

you were cursed from the moment you were born.

the idea of being cursed or haunted by anything isn’t one you think about often, considering yourself protected by your father’s profession. at least one dusty bible on every bookshelf in the colonial monstrosity that is your home and crucifixes hung all around, it seems to be common sense that an exorcist’s home would be the safest place to hide from the dark.

unaware of it all, you used to let yourself be tucked into your lace-trimmed bedsheets as he pulled you to sleep with stories. tales of fallen angels and possessed souls became the lullabies of your childhood. admittedly, you were quite terrified of it all, but as you grew older and wiser, you realised there was no way they could get to you. but really, it was wishful thinking.

you weren’t aware of who your father used to be, nor were you aware of the debt he owed to a particular demon.

the dreams started the night after your twentieth birthday, vivid and unsettling. a man haunted them, equally as terrifying as he was handsome. tall and clad in dark silks, his whispered words and hungry eyes intrigued you. his touch, though a figment of your imagination, sent shivers down your spine, foreign yet infinitely alluring. you’d wake up with a jolt, panting, flushed cheeks and tingling skin as the dream stuck to you like cobwebs. your father passed the repeated dreams off as nightmares and you failed to notice the flash of fear cross his features.

one night, however, you were changing in your room. dimly illuminated by multiple candles you set around since you didn’t like how bright the large chandelier was, you held a dress in each of your hands, standing in front of the mirror as you held the clothing to your body in an attempt to figure out what to wear. you didn’t notice at first, but a figure lurked in the shadows of the bedroom. you didn’t notice the shift in the atmosphere or the flicker of the candles.

but soon, a soft sigh sounded through the room, so soft it could’ve been mistake for a whistling breeze outside your window. goosebumps prickled at your skin as you tensed, refusing to move at the oddly human sound. staring at yourself in the mirror intently, you caught a glimpse of a familiar face in the reflection of your mirror. your breath hitched as you fixed your eyes on him, afraid that if you blinked, he’d disappear.

you watched him. watched him take slow steps towards you as he smirked at the sight of your wide, fearful yet infinitely pure and innocent eyes. you convinced yourself you were hallucinating, the disturbingly realistic sounds of his footsteps as much of a figment of imagination as his being. but as he stood right behind you, a coldness swept over your skin and you flinched as his breath fanned against your bare shoulder. whipping around in surprise, you yelped softly at the sensation. but he was gone, and you were alone. breath erratic and eyes stinging, you scrambled to move a wooden cross stand from the top of your dresser to your bedside table.

after that you grew paranoid, always looking over your shoulder, sleeping with at least two safe and reliable candles lit. each time you walked through the hallways of your own home, you kept your gaze fixed on the ground, refusing to look at the portraits lining the dark walls as you thought they were watching you. the tiniest of sounds made you flinch and break a sweat, squeezing your eyes shut and muttering prayers, only to find out the sound came from either of your parents.

the constant state of fear and anxiety left you tired, deciding if your father wasn’t going to do anything about it, you would. on quiet feet, you crept through the halls at noon (you were too scared to go to that room at night), a rosary wrapped around your hand with a dainty little cross hanging from your clenched palm.

you father really was a well-known exorcist, often to go on trips within and beyond the country to treat what doctors couldn’t; demonic possessions. as a symbol of his successes and a means to prevent others from coming in contact with whatever a demon may have attached itself to, he brought home trophies and locked them in a little storage room in the basement. of course, he took many precautions—crucifixes all over the inside and outside, sprinkles of holy water here and there, he’d have your local priest come over and bless the area himself. despite all this, you never once stepped in, partially because your father advised you not to, mostly because you were completely and utterly terrified.

as you descended the creaking wooden stairs, a chill ran through you, the hairs at your nape standing in alert. maybe you were scaring yourself more than the room scared you. the dust tickled your nostrils, making you force down a sneeze as you cleared your throat. the wooden floorboards extended into a narrow hallway, lined by cobblestone walls. you rarely came down, in fact, you couldn’t remember the last time you were there, the surroundings seeming so foreign. there were only two doors, one leading to a storage closet and the other to a slightly scarier storage closet.

you stared up at the ominous door, standing tall and intimidating, a golden cross embossed right in the centra, doorknob dark and rusted. with shaky hands, you fished a copper from the hidden pocket of your plaid gown. it half-hearted a few sloppy attempts until you got the key in, squeezing your eyes shut as you force yourself to finally turn it.

another chill ran through your body as you push the door open weakly, cracking an eye open to look inside. had you come at night, you wouldn’t have been able to see anything, the only source of light being an elongated shirt window lining the top of the right wall, an inch below the ceiling. three shelves. one on the right, one of the left, and one down the middle of the room. the middle and left one were lined with various objects. you walked between them, looking but not daring to touch. the objects were quite diverse, you realised. dolls, clocks, little statues.

you took your time to get to the shelf you needed. along with these objects, you father also locked away any books he had that were related to demons in any way. most of them were confiscated from cults, some of their were from his personal collection. he claimed they were to protect you, and you didn’t completely disbelieve him. taking a deep breath before letting it out in a sigh, looking at all the titles. your fingertips ran over their leather bound spines, feeling the wrinkles and grooves. you knew there would be a lot, but as you looked upon the entire shelf, you estimated a good hundred-fifty books.

he organised them by categories. summoning, excommunication, identifying. identifying. that’s what you needed. you took a closer look at the section, nervousness fading briefly to be replaced by a faint taste of hope.

the encyclopaedia of demons and demonology.

deciding there had to be something in there, you pulled it out. the book itself was simple, bound in black leather. the cover was nothing special, just the title and author. by the looks of it, you’d be here for a while, seemingly at least three hundred pages long. you looked around the dark room, a small wooden desk was tucked into the corner though not a chair in sight. with a soft sigh, you walked over on weak knees, apprehensive about what you’d find in the book.

despite your father’s profession and all the bedtime stories, you never came in contact with demons or the spirit world. setting the book on the desk, you opened it to the index, having to squint to make out the text. but the next time you lifted your eyes off the page, a brass candle holder was tucked into the corner of the table.

you blinked. there was no way that was there before, but maybe you had just missed it. the pale yellow candle stood half melted, the hardened wax forming veins that ran down the sides and pooled in the brass bowl.

you held your breath momentarily before beginning to read through the a to z list of demons and other dark entities and their descriptions. you only skimmed, lingering on any that mentioned appearing in nightmares only to dismiss them when the rest of their descriptions didn’t match with your experience. surprised by just how much there was to read, you felt just a little curious, occasionally stopping to read extracts that had piqued your interest. it wasn’t until you got all the way to section i where something actually seemed to be helpful.

‘incubus—a lewd male demon who pursues women for sex. the incubus and his female counterpart, the succubus, visit women and men in their sleep, lie and press heavily upon them, and seduce them.’

you nearly missed it, continuing your skimming until the description registered, scrambling to turn back the page and reread it.

“oh.” you breathed at the realisation. that seemed to be the most accurate thus far, your finger tracing over the name as you furrowed your eyebrows and continued reading. the next paragraphs detailed how they’re conjured and where the name came from. you read some more.

‘incubi are especially attracted to women with beautiful hair, young virgins, chaste widows, and all “devout” females. nuns are among the most vulnerable and could be molested in the confessional as well as in bed. while the majority of women are forced into sex by the incubi, some of them submit willingly and even enjoy the act. it once was a common belief that women were more likely than men to be the sexual victims of demons, because women were inferior to men and less able to resist temptation.

incubi have enormous phalluses that—’

slamming the book shut, your eyes widened and a deep blush settled over your features, just staring at the cover for a moment as you collected yourself from the sudden vulgarity of the writing. after a moment, you cleared your throat and reopened the page, strategically skipping over the next paragraphs that detailed accounts of intercourse with such a demon.

‘an incubus may form attachments to those whose minds are occupied with dark and inherently sexual desires, those that are impure. one also can be summoned for coital gratifications, or a deal in which one’s first born is ommonly offered to repay their sevices (see: dealing with the demons, page 218).’

but that couldn’t be right. you always made sure to be a good girl, always helped at home. you volunteered to read to children at a local orphanage, always helped with charities and donations, always assisted people where you knew you could, stayed soft spoken and always began your requests with please and ended them with thank you. you kept to yourself most of the time, would never dare to raise your voice at anyone, never had any romantic interest, let alone sexual ones.

admittedly, the dreams involving the man— the demon had you waking up with an uncomfortable stickiness between your thighs. but before that, you never indulged. after that, you never indulged either, instead jumping from your bed and taking an ice could bath to calm yourself from the strange feeling. the temptations were always there and were always strong, but your want to be immaculate was stronger. to be free of sin.

a deal in which one’s first born is offered.

it seemed impossible, almost. you knew your father was a righteous man and your mother a pure woman. but where your mother happily shared stories of her childhood as heart-warming anecdotes, your father only dropped tidbits of his memories despite considering you two to be extremely close. you always chalked it up to him being a little boring or generally not very open. but maybe there was more to it…

“there you go, sweetheart.”

you nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of his voice, pushing the book away from you as you turned around a little too quickly, your knee knocking against the edge of the table.

there he stood, barely illuminated by the singular window as he took slow steps towards you much like the other day.

“so, you’ve finally figured it out, huh?”

each time he took a step, his muscles visible through the loose black silk, you inched away until the top of your thigh hit the wooden table, your hands bracing themselves on it to keep you from collapsing in fear. the closer he got, the more you realised just how attractive he was. broad-shouldered and radiating confidence, his feline eyes roamed over your figure. depite wearing a white gown that reached all the way down to your ankles, you felt so exposed.

tongue swiping along his bottom lip, drawing your attention to the action. he towered over you, making you feel weak and small as he trapped you against the table. your heart pounded against your ribcage and you feared it would break free and fall into his hands, unsure if the warmth on your cheeks and ump in your throat came from how utterly petrified you were or the way his breath fanned over your face like a whisper.

“your dearest father isn’t who he says he is,” he pouted mockingly, coming to a stop inches in front of you, letting his gaze settle on your quivering lips for a moment, “and me? well, you know what i am. and you also know we can have lots of fun if you allow it.”

your lips parted to speak but no words came out, instead opting to press them into a thin line and squeezing your eyes shut as you shook your head. you weren’t completely sure why you wer shaking your head, but if it would stop the incubus from tainting you, it was worth a try.

“don’t kid yourself, princess. i can smell how wet you are.” as if to emphasise his point, he inhaled deeply, leaning forward to ghost his nose over the slope of your neck without touching you.

it wasn’t until he said it that you notice you had been squeezing your thighs together, feeling warm all over and you stomach twisted in knots at the sound of his deep voice. something ached in your lower regions, but you tried your hardest to resist the thoughts.

but a little voice in the back of your head urged you to tilt your head back, to give him permission, to let his hands explore your untouched body. maybe just this once you could allow yourself to give in, to let your knees go weak and worry about begging for forgiveness later.

“all you have to do is drop the rosary.”

you gripped it tighter at the reminder of the protective object tangled between your fingers, fighting to keep your sanity intact. your breath hitched as you felt one of his fingers run along the beads, not daring to come close to the little silver cross or your skin.

“c’mon, pretty girl. drop it,” you heard the smirk in his voice, “let it go and i’ll take good care of you, i can make you feel things you’ve never thought of… i can make you feel alive, wouldn’t you love that? don’t you want to feel the desire? taste the lust?”

“n-no,” you gasped finally, finding your words, “it’s not right.“

he laughed, a low rumble from his chest, “i promise you’ll love being ruined by me,” he said, withdrawing his hand from yours, “i swear to all your precious little holy symbols, i know i can get you to want me.”

he moved closer and for a maddening moment you thought he was going to kiss you. faintly, you wanted him to. to feel the push of his lips against yours, to let his hands snake around your waist or grip your hips to pull you closer. there’s a ring on his index finger, you noticed, silvery and sharp, a symbol you didn’t recognise yet imagine him pressing it against your throat, branding your neck anew until it’s red and faithful. and maybe you crave for him to undo all the things in you that are holy.

“just drop it, pretty,” his breath teased your lips and you almost leaned forward in curiosity, wanting to see how just one kiss would feel, “i know you’re a good girl.”

those words. they’re almost enough for you to give in. how did he know those would strike a nerve, hit you where he knew it would work? not only did all your efforts ultimately lead to the same goal—purity, goodness—but you couldn’t deny the satisfaction you felt from reassurance. if you were an animal, you’d strive to be the priest’s favourite sacrificial lamb. to hold so very still and to bleed so prettily when the knife final comes down, to be reborn and be chosen all over again.

“don’t you get it?” he whispered, “i live inside you the same way you’re bound to live inside me. we’re a moebius strip, a never ending cycle of a snake eating it’s own tail. maybe it will end in destruction, but that’s your dear father’s doing. mutually assured destruction, maybe; you say yes, i’ll ruin you for everyone else, blacken the wool of your fur coat. you say no to me, i will suffer the consequences of not fulfilling a deal. you wouldn’t want someone to suffer because of you, hm?”

your grip on the rosary loosened and let your eyes finally flutter open. from this proximity, you could see every detail of his face and the image seared into your mind.

something in his eyes darkened as his lips curled, a playful smile, a predatory grin. the way he looked at you made you want to combust into flames, to fall to your knees, you skin rubbed raw on the ground as you beg him to make you feel.

“you don’t look so innocent anymore, you know? you’re docile and sweet, yes, but you’re not as pure as you think you are, there’s a little dirt in your pristine heart, a little lustful stain you can’t erase.”

“y-you’re wrong!” you protested, trying to convince yourself he was lying, “i’m good and i’ve always been good and i always will be good and i will not for the devil’s influence.”

“oh, but i’m not,” he pouted mockingly, moving his head back just an inch, looking down at you, “you’re practically shaking, so close to giving in… you’re the most pious girl here, yet you’re so close to sin, so close to me.”

you opened your mouth to continue your protests but flinched as you heard familiar heavy footsteps, looking up at the little window to see the familiar boots of your father about to enter the house after a long day of work. he was out, casting out malicious spirits and demons, and here you were, about to let one deflower you. the realisation seemingly made you come back to your senses, clenching the roary in your hand once more and looking for a way past him.

but… what would you even do afterwards? confront your father, the town’s devout exorcist, for making deals with the incubus in front of you? would he call you crazy, deny everything and treat you like just another one of his clients?

the footsteps were now above you, you could faintly hear him saying something to your mother though you couldn’t quite make out what it was. you’d never been as afraid of anything as you were of your own father, standing right above you, acting like he hadn’t damned you from the day you were conceived.

as if he could read your thoughts, could sense your panic that was completely unrelated to him, the incubus stepped back. his face was unreadable as his glazed over eyes fixated on you.

“don’t worry, sweet girl, i can wait. the longer you resist, the better it’ll feel when you finally surrender,” he gave you a small smile, different from the previous grins and smirks, as he nodded towards the window, “go.”

you could’ve run away the moment he stepped back, yet you didn’t move until he gave you the permission. you didn’t dwell on that fact as you slipped past him and reached up, shaky hands undoing the latch and opening outwards. you attempted to climb up, your arms burning as you tried lifting yourself, only to give up, panting softly from the effort.

“let me help you.” his voice offered, prompting you to look back at him. the seductive glint in his eyes was no longer there, taking a small step forward. “just… put it down, i promise i’ll help you and leave.”

you stared at him for a long moment. there was something so different in the way he looked at you now, suddenly soft and with good intentions. the voice of your father calling your name snapped you out of your stupor, nodding hurridely as you placed the rosary on the grass outside carefully before turning to look at him.

he gestured for you to turn away, your hands finding your hips as you did. the contact made you breath hitched, despite your layers of clothing between your curves and his hands, your stomach tickled with swarming butterflies as he lifted you up. the heat of his body behind yours distracted you for a moment, taken aback at how real he felt, how human he felt, even as he lifted you with ease.

you braced your forearms on the ground, pulling yourself up the rest of the way as he spoke.

“whisper my name three times, and i’ll be summoned wherever you are, ready to fulfill your needs.”

you stayed quiet for a moment, just sitting on the ground as you looked down at him, now able to see his full face clearning from his proximity to the window. “what’s your name?”

“san,” he smiled, “choi san.”

you loked away, up at your house as your father’s concerned voice called out your name again. “i should get going, but–,” you looked down to thank him, only to find an empty room and a sealed window. your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, voiced trailing off, “thank you…”

the first time you touched yourself, it was san you were thinking about.

late at night, your parents fast asleep, a storm ragin outside, but all you could do was think about him. you tried, you really did. you tried to go back in the house and pretend everything was fine, that you had just been on a walk and your flushed face was from the excercise. secretely, all you could think about was him. how you wanted him to show up again—wanted him to make your breath hitch and your heart jump. wanted him to soothe whatever it was that ached inside you; the burn in the pit of your stomach, the spot where your waist met your hips, but most of all between your legs, were it had never ached like this before.

you excused yourself from dinner earlier, went to bed, and tried so desperately to fall asleep. whether it was to forget about it all, or to meet him in your dreams again, you couldn’t tell. you really tried, but haunting thoughts of how his hands held onto you rolled into your mind with images of all the things he could do to you. the raspy lilt of his voice, sometimes soft, sometimes commanding in a way that made your limbs feel like jello at the mere thought of it. his sharp eyes and sharp jaw and such tempting lips. he could have a kind face if he wanted to, yet his toned body, visible and obvious despite trying to hide behind his clothing, screamed sex appeal.

flashes from your previous dreams raced through your mind too. fragments of images where you could feel his hands all over you, his dark hair sticking to his sweat forehead, eyes rolled back from the pleasure he gave himself while you were forced to watch. you never quite gave in in the dreams either.

you tossed and turned in your bed, thighs pressed together so tight you worried you’d have long bruises down your inner thighs the next morning. the new feeling felt much too large for your fragile mind, overwhelming you, making your loose clothes feel suffocating. it wouldn’t leave you alone, wouldn’t let you sleep. mostly because you didn’t want to give the feeling a name, you refused to speak its name, even in your mind, even if it could identify this feeling.

pent-up and strained, coiled into yourself in a foetal position, you could only roll onto your back and let your hand trail down your body, hiking up the long skirt of your nightgown before letting your fingers dip between your thighs, spread at the knees. you let out a shaky gasp as you felt the wetness pooled beneath your undergarments, clamping your other hand over your lips. after feeling around experimentally, your fingers found a quick pace, rubbing over your clit, more desperate than they had ever been. your hand muffled your gasped out moans and whimpers, tears pricking at your eyes—partly from the guilt, mostly from the pleasure. you felt your heart beat all over your body, most of all right below your moistened fingertips.

shaky breaths and muffled needy cries were covered by both your hand and the storm outside your window. if hurts a little, your clit swelling as more and more slick coats it and the knot in your stomach grows tighter and tighter. but you don’t mind the pain, you think you deserve it, because after all, it’s forbidden and it’s not supposed to feel good. san is not supposed to make you feel so good. a demon was the one thing that wasn’t supposed to be on your mind, especially not in this way.

the thought of him made your hand move faster and suddenly your breath was stuttering and your core pulse as you finish quickly, biting down on your lip, hard enough to cut through the skin, to muffle your cries. when you came down from your high, you lay there for a few moments longer, heart racing as you glance at the door to make sure it was still closed. and when you realised what you had just done, shame clouded your lungs as you slipped your fingers out of your panties and raised them to your face.

your hands came away sticky. transparents webs of your pleasure linking your index and middle fingers together as you stared in horror before finally collecting yourself and jumping from your bed to scrub the sin from your hands in your bathroom.

you scrubbed until your fingers turned red and your palms raw, losing sensation from the ice cold water, the guilt sinking deeper and deeper the longer you took to cleanse your body. you hadn’t noticed the tears running down your cheeks until you stared at yourself in the mirror, sniffling and glossy-eyed. your body might be clean, but were you? if you wanted to be immaculate, how could you let yourself do such a thing?

it was his fault, really. him and his midnight eyes and electric touches and words that would drive you to madness, damnation.

you changed your panties and nightgown, burying them in your laundry basket as if you were burying the evidence of a crime. once done, you wanted nothing more than to sink into your bed and fall asleep. but as you stared at what you once thought was comforting, you could only think about your soft whimpers and shaking thighs. so you stripped your bed naked to decorate it anew with clean sheets and blankets and pillows, shoving the previous ones under your bed before finally falling into a deep sleep.

shame followed you like a pest for the next days, unable to properly smile because all you could think about was what you had done. and what you wanted to do. a heavy melancholy washed over you in these days, confining yourself to your room when ou didn’t have to come down for meals. if your parents picked up on it, they didn’t say anything. maybe they knew. what if they know?

maybe they didn’t say anything because they knew about san. perhaps they thought it was fate, that you would give in sooner or later. despite cracking a bit, you stood by your conviction that you wouldn’t, no matter what, summon him.

but… was he really so bad? had you not seen a moment of softness when he helped you? demons were, after all, fallen angels. could it really be so impossible he still had a sprinkle of previous angeilc qualities? silently, you were thankful he hadn’t showed up on his own again. if he did, you were afraid you’d throw away all sense of faith and throw yourself into his arms, let him kiss you and lick you and suck you and bite you and everything in between.

despite all this, despite not wanting to summon him, you couldn’t deny the unsettling feeling weighing you down with each step. it had been there before—before whatever happened in the basement—dragging your seemingly heavy limbs through vacant hallways. but when he touched you, when his fingertips brushed against yours as he touched the shiny black beads of your rosary even though he didn’t mean to, when his hands lifted you into the air and helped you escape, the way he talked to you, his words and tone, that unsettling feeling had been lifted off your shoulders.

you noticed, for a brief moment, when you spent that short amount of time with him, you had no desire to think of god or rules or expectations. even if it was for a split second, it happened, and perhaps that what terrified you the most. just wanted to be, something you hadn’t been allowed for so long.

so when your parents said they’d be out late for some dinner you had no interest in attending, you paced around your room, deep in thought as your typical long nightgown tickled your ankles. millions of thoughts raced through your kind but, at the core, they were all the same. san, san, san. you felt like he had attached himself to your very soul, and you’re not quite sure how it happened.

without thinking, you stopped your pacing, glancing at the crucifix on your bedside table, a reminder. you couldn’t take it anymore, reaching out to take the wooden symbol and hide it in your closet. was it really wrong if it was still there, only trapped behind the wooden double doors, nestled between your skirts and shirts and gowns and gowns? out of sight, you felt less bad about what you were going to do.

your eyes squeezed shut and you did as he told you to, lips parting to whisper his name thrice. almost instantly, a gust of wind blew through your room and you knew there was someone else there with you. your eyes remained shut until you heard footsteps stalking towards you, his familiar voice filling the eerie silence of the room.

“hello, angel,” he grinned, borderline menacing, as he backed you up against your dresser. much like before, you were trapped, the back of your thighs pressed against the wood. only this time, you weren’t afraid, “i knew you’d give in sooner rather than later.”

you didn’t reply, didn’t know how to reply, only breathing shallowly, fingers curling into the edge of your dresser as you glanced from his eyes to his lips repeatedly.

“you need to give me permission, you know,” he chuckled, tilting his head to the side, “there are rules for deals such as these.”

“please.” you breathed, somewhere between a whisper and a needy whine as your round eyes looked up at him so desperately.

as soon as the word left you, his lips were on yours. hungry, devouring you, sucking on your bottom lip like it’s a candy as you can’t help but melt and whimper against him. his hand found your cheek, the touch surprisingly soft compared to the madness of his kisses. your heart rattled against your ribcage like a bird wanting to escape its confines. his saccharine saliva seeped into your mouth as his tongue broke past your lips, running over your teeth and the roof of your mouth as you let him do whatever he wanted.

his hands are all over you and yours are all over him, grabbing at each other because there was no way to get any closer like this. your thoughts, unlike before, are completely quiet, head empty and drunk on the sloppy kisses, mouthfuls of teeth clashing against each other. he was supposed to be gentle, he wanted to be gentle, yet now you’re pressed against the dresser and he’s kissing you hard.

it was wrong, but it felt too good. that was clear from the moment your kisses turn open-mouthed, lips clinging and tongues dancing. you shivered as both his hands held you by your hips once more, lifting you to sit on the edge of the oak furniture, caressing your hips bones through the thin fabric of your dress.

your hands rug at his shirt lightly, a silent plea for him to remove it, wanting to see and feel every inch of his divine body. he complies, separating his lips from your to reach over his shoulder and grip the silky shirt from the back, pulling it over his head, tossing it aside. your hands explore his naked torso, fingernails scratching along his skin as he loses himself in the taste of your kisses.

his hands dragged the long skirt of your gown up your legs, fingers ghosting over the supple skin of your calves and thighs before letting the cloth bunch up at your hips, winding your legs around his waist before lifting you off the dresser. you cling to him the way the thought of him cling to you for so long before this as he carries you. he lays you down gently, your head spinning as he kneeled on the edge of your bed and leaned over you, moving his lips from yours to mouth at your neck.

his hot breaths dance along your skin, across your collarbone, neck, pressing wet kisses down to the fabric covering your chest. you gasped softly as he brushed his teeth against your skin, a reminded that he could really break you if he wanted, but the feel of his lips against the curve of your neck, testing out the waters of your shoulder, made the intimidating thought vanish.

he teases the skin just above your neckline with nibbles that have you throwing your head back with soft whimpers, only encouraging him as his left hand kept one of your legs hitched up against his hips and his right undid the ribbons at the back of your dress. the fabric loosens and slips around, one sleeve falling over your shoulder slightly as he sat you up a little and pulled the dress over your head, discarding it and leaving you in your white ruffled bra and panties.

you’re dizzy, delirious with thirst—for his touch, his kisses, for everything his sharp lips could give you, for him to relieve the ache between your legs. you shiver as you’re left bare, nipples peaking through your bra, undergarments barely hiding your most precious parts. you try covering yourself with shaking arms, despite the little fabric still be there, but his hands move them aside, pulling them to rest on his bare chest. his eyelids flutter for a moment at the contact, your hands so much colder than his.

he leans back to look at your, hand at your back winding around to massage a handful of one breast, watching your breath hitch. “such a pretty girl, and all for me.”

“san…” you whimper aimlessly, your nails digging into his shoulders.

“such an angel,” he teases again, thumb circling over your clothed nipple lightly, grinning at how helpless you looked, “supposedly protected by your father, by god, yet here you are, practically begging for a demon to fuck you.”

he presses himself closer and you can feel the thick and heavy weight of his cock smudge against your core, gasping softly as you eyes roll back, his tip prodding against the fabric covering your sensitive clit. his name falls from your lips once again, like a softly uttered prayer as you back arches. he takes the opportunity to undo the clasp of your bra, slipping the item off you before continuing to tease your perked nipples, leaning down to lick and suck at them as his hips grind against yours. you weren’t sure when he took off his pants, but you didn’t quite care, not when his impressive girth covered your core so well. sometimes the tip would dip into your entrance before leaving just as quickly, your toes curling as it stretched you and your panties.

he moans into your neck, grinding against you at just the right pace, his precum smearing all over you already-drenched panties. the feeling of his tip prodding at you clit so continuously makes you come quickly, and much harder than the other night when you touched yourself. you writhe beneath him, shaking and crying out his name as your back arches from the bed.

“hm, you’re so much prettier like this, angel, succumbing and throwing away any desire of virtue,” he mutters against your jaw, having sucked dark marks onto the skin right below it, his deep melodic voice.

angel. the way he calls you that makes you shiver. how could he do that? call you an angel while plucking out the feathers of the wings you’d once had?

when he enters you, it’s slow and deliberate, leaning down to whisper into your ear as he presses your hands into the white mattress—”heaven itself could not make you feel like this.”

“i’ve never… you know…” you had admitted shyly once you came down from the first orgasm he coaxed out of you.

he only chuckled, caressing your cheek. “i know. virgins always smell the sweetest.”

you pleaded for him to be gentle, and how could he say no when you were begging so prettily? now his length is barely halfway inside you and you’re already shaking, drenched and deprived pussy squeezing him tightly as he swallows down your broken moans, holding back him own. you feel abnormally good to him, unable to remember the last time he fucked such a perfect pussy.

as he reaches previously untouched parts of you, his tip brushes against a spongey little area that has you clenching, your breath hitching followed by a gasped moan as you come again. stars flood your vision, feeling like your body was on fire as your hands tightened under his. his tongue licks up every one of your sounds, smothering you as he pulled back a bit to press against the spot some more.

your moans soon turn into soft whines, twitching from overstimulation before he fially continues to enter you. it’s a tight fit, but he bottoms out eventually.

“fuck- you take me so well, you’re so perfect.” he groans, looking down at where he can see his tip bulging through your stomach.

you never imagined just how full you would feel, the stretch burning yet somehow still pleasurable as you squirm beneath him. he doesn’t wait, retracting and fucking into you slowly, letting you feel every curve and vein of his perfect cock.

he loses track, but he thinks he’s made you finish 4 times already. he’s not surprised, virginity leaves most people sensitive, and the fact he’s been teasing you in and out of your dreams for months likely didn’t help. san revels in it though, basks in the sounds you try to hold back so desperately. he isn’t lying when he says you’re pretty, hypnotised by your face contorted in pleasure and your body, tears slipping from the corners of your eyes. they somehow still have an innocent glint in them, even as he manoeuvres you into different positions before finally easing you into your back once more.

you arousal is smeared all over yourself and him and the bedsheets. clear and sticky, glistening in the candlelight. at some point he slipped out of you to lean down and have a taste, groaning as you mewed above him. when his teeth grazed your abuser clit, you finish once again and a moment later he’s back inside you.

eventually, his hips stutter and a newfound pace takes over. “shit, angel, i’m gonna fill you up so good. would you like that?”

you can only nod frantically, brain turned to mush, jaw dropped to let out your lazy whimpers. you’ve lost track of everything but him; his touch, his voice, his influence. if you parents walked in or he disappeared, you’d only be able to lay there, completely helpless.

he never really stops, taking his time to worship your tight hole, knowing he’ll only be able to stop when he comes. though, by the looks of it, it’ll be sooner rather than later.

his groans and moans sound blissful in your ears, holding your name between his teeth with a low whimper. he spills his tick warm cum into you, the new sensation making you shake and squirm as you feel your insides being filled. another orgasm washed over you, though a little weaker, drunk on his scent and his saliva and him him him.

he kisses you, bruisingly, slipping out of yoh and letting you feel his seed seep out of your hole and run down your thighs, pussy coated in milky white. he slumps against you, detaching his lips from yours to gaze down at your barely open eyes.

it’s tiring, you can’t deny that, but it just feels so good. all your disgusting, fucked up thoughts were because of him. and now your most intimate parts will always be tainted by his hands. he calls you ‘good girl,’ yet you know you’ll never be good again.

choi san: voice like silk, touch like satin, incubus, demon. you’d think demons kill people, but your purity was his only homicide. he murdered your virginity. murderer.

but you do wish for him to kiss you again.

networks. @cromernet @wonderlandnet @cultofdionysusnet @pirateeznet @atzhouse

permanent taglist. @ad0rechuu @sankatchu @mlink64 @yeosangsbb @seonghwasbbgirl @likexaxdaydream @dreamingofyeo @yalyallic @yunhoswrldddd @coffee-addict-kitten @thunderous-wolf @chngbnwf

fic taglist. @ta3baee @juyofans @sourkimchi @desirehorizon @revepixy @yungilia @cntlyv @mcendpoet @kimseungminsprincess @cookiechristie @bluesunpurplestar1117 @vnessalau @k1ttym0nkey @kyeomooniee @aarzoo-2 @pinkgirly-18-blog @yourfatherlucifer @puddingjongho @futuresoffantasies @reallywingedland @spenceatiny18 @im-def-not-ok @hwapou @a1sh1teruu @lover-ofallthingspretty @arabelleum @hoshiseon @guggu6gvai @seongsbf @honggatito @deltamoon666 @yunhoszn @1-800-fuccthisshit

[withleeknow]

moonstruck.

pairing: minho x f!reader genre/warnings: established relationship, fluff, angst if you squint; they're in love <3, mentions of menstruation, there's a bit about orpheus and eurydice so you're not familiar you might want to look it up beforehand idk, not as edited as i'd like. not a lot of warnings here tbh it's just pretty mild and mellow saur 🤷‍♀️ (also i don't exactly love this but i hope you'll still tolerate it anyway lol) word count: 4.7k playlist 🎧: moonstruck - enhypen // this is how you fall in love - jeremy zucker ft. chelsea cutler // pansy - taemin // tightrope - zayn

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / masterlist / ko-fi

Minho is the kind of love that you thought only existed in movies and fairytales. Make-belief, too good to be true, out of reach.

When he rests his head on your shoulder, drifting in and out of sleep like he’s been doing for the past hour or so, you give into the urge to stare at him in wonder. An angel on earth, if there ever was one.

His long eyelashes that you could only dream to have, the slope of his nose, his pink pouty lips, his impeccably sharp jawline, and even his fluffy hair that’s ticking your cheek as you look at him as if you don’t get to see him like this every day. But that kind of beauty is something that demands to be showcased in the world’s most exquisite museum and admired by anyone who comes across it.

Minho is beautiful in every sense of the word.

And you adore him. You do. You love him with every single beat of your pathetic little heart and then some.

Surely, you must’ve saved a nation in one of your past lives to deserve someone as ethereal as him.

Turning your face to the side, you press a kiss against his forehead. The touch makes him stir awake, eyelids fluttering open as he groggily looks around and stretches out his limbs, in the limited space that he has anyway. His sleepy voice asks you, “Are we there yet?”

“Not yet. I think they said we still have about forty minutes before we land. Do you want to go back to sleep?”

Minho shakes his head, covering his mouth when a yawn forces its way out. He straightens his back to his full height sitting down, then slumps against the seat a little bit. He rests his cheek against the top of your head while his hands find one of your own to hold in his lap.

He rubs the skin of your fourth finger for a moment before he eventually stills, lightly snoring again while you look out the window, gazing at oddly shaped clouds and blues and the reflection of the sun on the waters below.

–

After you’ve checked into the hotel, freshened up and readied yourselves to explore the scenery, Minho takes you down to the beach. It’s a little chilly, spring hasn’t yet settled into summer. Even with a light jacket on, you still shiver every time the wind rushes by like it’s playing with the waters. But it’s nice – the sea breeze in your hair and the sunlight on your face, your lover by your side, his fingers intertwined with yours as you walk along the shore together. The blue of the sea almost blending in with the sky where they meet somewhere out there on the horizon. Seagulls flying overhead, families enjoying their relaxing vacation, children playing in the sand way down the shoreline where all you can make out are blurry silhouettes dancing about.

It’s paradise on earth. It’s an escape that you desperately needed. Exhilarated doesn’t even begin to describe how you felt when he told you that he’d booked a Jeju trip for your anniversary.

He’s always been the perfect partner. Always knows just the right thing to do for you whenever you need a pick-me-up. He may not seem like it, but Minho is beyond caring and considerate. He’s a man of few words but he certainly makes up for it with his actions.

“Hey,” he says, pointing somewhere ahead of you. “Remember what happened there?”

“Hmm?” Your eyes try to follow the direction of his finger, until they find a spot where two people are sitting, watching the water in front of them, content smiles passed between lips as they talk animatedly. “Didn’t you confess to me there?”

He smiles as the memory resurfaces in his mind. “Did you know I almost chickened out?”

You two started out as friends way before you got together.

Three years ago, just a few months after you’d both graduated from college, Minho asked you to go to Jeju island with him. You thought it was a little strange – though not that strange since you had been on trips with him before, but it was always in a group setting with all of your other friends. Never just the two of you.

Nonetheless, you agreed. You wanted to get out of the city anyway. You needed a change of scenery to clear your head and to recharge. Everything was starting to become too much for you - being 22 and in limbo. You felt like you kept falling behind no matter what you did. Everyone was moving forward and you were running in place no matter how hard you tried to get out of that slump.

Everyone around you was outgrowing you and your little life, and all you could do was pretend you were fine.

It was one of the lowest you’d ever felt, and you suppose that was why you said yes to Minho’s invitation. A vacation didn’t seem like it would help much, but it certainly couldn’t hurt.

A few days away, with nothing but the sun and the sea to help you get out of your own head.

A tropical paradise and Minho. It wasn’t the end of the world. There were worse things you could think of.

That, and the fact that there had always been something between you and him. Not crazy sexual tension or anything, but just enough of a noticeable spark. An inkling of something that neither of you ever acted upon.

“Did you?” you ask. “Didn’t you plan the whole trip back then to confess?”

“What? No. Why would I willingly do that when you could’ve rejected me? Then I would’ve been stuck in a hotel with you and on the plane ride back.”

You squint at him. “Then why did you take me on that trip?”

Minho shrugs. “Friendship trip to cheer you up.”

Years with him and he still makes you feel as warm as he did the first time you kissed. You gaze at him with what must be the world’s most lovestruck look plastered on your face. You reach up to press your lips to the corner of his mouth, then watch as a blush spreads across his cheeks.

“You did confess though,” you argue.

“Well, yeah, but that wasn’t planned,” he tells you. “You just... We were sitting right there,” he tips his chin toward the same spot again, “and you had my jacket on because you were cold. You were watching the sunset and you looked so pretty. I couldn’t help it. Almost chickened out though.”

You stop walking, and this makes him stop too. Minho glances at you with his head slightly tilted, wearing a puzzled expression.

“You never told me that,” you say.

“You never asked.”

Pouting, you tug him toward you until he’s close enough for you to wrap your arms around his neck. Minho is good, so incredibly good for you that sometimes you can’t possibly fathom how you even deserve him. He never meant to get anything out of it; he just saw that you were struggling and wanted to make it better for you.

Maybe you didn’t do a very good job at pretending, not if Minho could see right through you.

Before him, you had a fear of heights. Not the literal kind, but rather the kind of heights that often accompanies big leaps, big changes. A fear of falling, maybe that would be more accurate. Falling and failing and hitting rock bottom with no way to climb back up. A fear that you would always be stuck with this life forever, trapped in an existence you never asked for. A fear that no effort to escape your reality would be enough, and you’ll always be trailing ten steps behind even if you try twenty times as hard.

You pull him down so you could properly kiss him, your lips slotting together perfectly like he was made for you, like he’s the only person you’re ever meant to kiss in this lifetime. You can taste his smile, minty and happy as he moves against your mouth, his arms sliding around your waist to hold you to his body by the small of your back.

“If I had known,” Minho pulls away slightly, mumbling against your lips, “telling you that would get me brownie points, I would’ve told you ages ago.”

You roll your eyes with affection.

“So all this time,“ he says, “you thought I asked you on that trip just to get into your pants?”

“You did get into my pants on that trip!”

“Let me remind you that I only wanted to do something nice for you. You were the one who almost jumped my bones right then and there after I said I liked you.”

You slap his chest as he throws his head back in a hearty laugh. Minho takes your hand in his once more as he drags you along, savoring the cool sea breeze and the golden daylight dancing on glittering waters before the sun bids you goodbye.

Minho is the kind of love that makes you want to curl up into a ball and ugly cry for an hour straight.

In a good way, of course. In the best way possible.

So that’s what you do, on a fine Tuesday afternoon, sitting on a couch surrounded by three cats as you wait for him to come home, perfectly sheltered from the harsh sun outside.

He returns eventually, toward the end of your crying session. When he sees the pile of tissues on the coffee table, soaked with your tears and snot, his heart nearly falls out of his ass.

Minho drops everything, rushing to you like you’re on the verge of spontaneous human combustion because clearly, this is a normal reaction to have when you come home to a girlfriend who’s been sobbing in the dark for god knows how long.

That, and the fact that said girlfriend doesn’t cry very often. Not by herself and certainly not in front of others.

Doesn’t mean that you’re immune to the occasional bouts of tears whenever shark week closes in, though.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Another rush of tears breaks as you look at him. You wipe your eyes and your nose with the tissue you’re currently holding, before throwing it on the table to join the pile you’ve accumulated.

You launch yourself forward, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. The sudden force takes him aback, makes him gasp a little.

He freezes as you cling to him like a desperate koala, before his hands slowly land on your back, rubbing slowly, hesitantly, as though he’s afraid he’s hurting you.

“What’s wrong, baby? Why are you crying?”

“PMS,“ you hiccup your answer out, to which Minho only responds with a relieved Ah, his hands now moving more assuredly on your body.

“Anything hurt? Sore?”

“No. Just… missed you today. Love you a lot.”

There’s something saccharine in his gaze when he pulls back and regards you with his big doe eyes, softened and endeared, yet there’s still a twinkle of mischief peeking through the sugary glaze.

He moves to make himself comfortable next to you on the couch but still makes sure to keep a hand on you so you don’t grow impatient.

Once he’s effectively squished between you and the armrest of the sofa, he says, “You missed me so much that you started crying? You could’ve texted me, or called. I would’ve come home sooner, crybaby.”

“I didn’t cry because I missed you. I cried because I love you.”

He pretends to think for a moment. “I honestly can’t tell if I should be offended or not.”

You jab a finger at his ribs.

Sure, the mere thought of Minho brings tears to your eyes sometimes. It’s not really a secret anymore.

There’s something about him, just him, how wonderful he is and how all of the stars in the sky must have aligned themselves to make you and him happen. He’s the love of your entire life, there’s never been any doubt about it. Your other half, perfect for you.

You’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and you’re positive that you will never feel this way about anyone ever again. Your love for him runs so deep, so powerful that it overwhelms you at times, drowns you in nothing but affection for him and only him. A love that spreads like wildfire through your calm and sacred forest.

It’s cliché beyond words, that one day you would be having these thoughts about someone. You used to watch this kind of sentiment romanticized in movies, used to cringe and laugh at sappy lines in books and TV shows though there was always a part of you that longed for that kind of love.

You didn’t talk about it often, not even with the people closest to you. You always found it a little embarrassing to admit that you wanted love. To love and to be loved. There was something so utterly vulnerable in the act of yearning and isn’t it such a scary thing? To be vulnerable? You never saw the appeal in showing someone the deepest, darkest parts of you.

What if they leave? What if you bare yourself to someone and they deem you not worth staying for? How would you come back from that kind of rejection?

You suppose it always held you back - the fear of being open that goes hand in hand with the fear of being left behind. Maybe you have more fears than you’d like to admit.

Then came Minho.

No, that doesn’t sound right.

He didn’t come crashing into your life like a tidal wave and unraveled your every belief.

He was always there by your side, a calming presence that you could lean on when things got tough. A friend, a solid foundation. He’s the relief after every monsoon, the first day of sun after a long and harsh winter.

He saw you for who you were, all the messiest parts of you, and loved you anyway. In spite of your mess? Because of your mess.

He taught you that love isn’t always extravagant gestures and grand declarations that Shakespeare would applaud.

Love is acceptance. Love is staying with you on your gloomiest days and holding your hand through your dreariest moments. Love is lingering glances by the doorway before he goes to work because you’re half asleep but you’re still trying to reach for him even in your dreams.

It’s sharing joys and burdens alike. Reminders to eat and gentle wake-up calls. A photo of you in his wallet, a silly picture of him as your phone’s wallpaper. Giggling with him after he tells a joke not because of the punchline itself, but because his manic chortle is even funnier.

Love is Minho cradling your face in one hand and holding onto your shaking fingers with the other, his steady gaze holding yours, and his voice whispering gently in the darkest of nights, “Your storm is my storm.”

At the end of the day, love is pretty simple. Love is him.

“Do you ever think about Orpheus and Eurydice?”

Minho laughs, the sound vibrating where you lay your head, his hand still absentmindedly rubbing the skin of your waist over your shirt. “No, I don’t think about Orpheus and Eurydice.”

You figured as much.

Your fingers trace invisible patterns on his chest as you hum your acknowledgment. Then you ask, “If it was me, if you were Orpheus, would you look back?”

His hands pause their ministrations, a little taken aback by the question you suppose. Your brain tends to pingpong between the most random things sometimes.

“You know,“ he says with an even voice, though the corner of his mouth still curls upward in amusement. “Other people just ask the worm thing.”

“The worm thing is boring. And we both know you wouldn’t love me if I was a worm.”

“You wouldn’t love me if I was a worm either.”

“That’s true. I don’t like worms,” you agree, chuckling while your boyfriend scoffs. “Answer the question, would you look back?”

There’s no right answer because you’re not expecting a correct response. It’s a hypothesis that can never be tested because you aren’t a nymph and Minho isn’t a bard with the ability to sway all life with his music. It’s a silly thought but it’s one that you’re curious about nonetheless, just to hear what he would say. Why not?

You’ve read many interpretations of the tragedy. In some, Orpheus hears Eurydice stumble and turns to catch her fall. In others, he can’t hear her at all. The story will forever be among your favorites, one of the things that never fails to turn you inside out no matter how many times you mull over it.

Minho is quiet for a moment. You think he’s about to shoot back with a witty retort that he always has up his sleeves, probably something about how he would find a loophole and trick his way out of the deal, or that he would personally fistfight Hades to get you out of the underworld. This wouldn’t surprise you at all.

Instead, he says, “Yes, I would look back.”

But regardless of how you choose to view the myth, the ending does not change. Orpheus always turns around.

He turns around because he loves her.

Minho’s fingers slip under your shirt to brush your bare skin, angling his head sideways so he could kiss your forehead. 

Maybe he’s just saying it for the sake of being romantic, for the sake of saying what seems to be the right thing. It’s an answer that you can never give substance to, but you believe him with all your heart.

You believe him. You do.

“If it’s you, I would look back.”

Minho is the kind of love that eclipses the sun and dims the light of the moon. The kind of love that drowns out all the noise and makes everything a little more bearable. Not just the most horrible things – your fears and struggles alike – but even the smallest, most mundane things.

If there’s one thing that you absolutely hate, it’s the smell of nail polish. You hate the way it lingers in the air even after the bottle has been capped, hate how the smell of toluene stains your fingertips even after washing your hands several times with scented soap.

Though, the only time you try to tolerate it is when Minho convinces you to stay in and pamper each other. Pizzas that he picks up for dinner and tiramisu ice cream for dessert. Face masks and fancy candles that you save for special occasions. SoonDoongDori napping on various surfaces in your living room, an old vinyl playing from the record player he got you for your first birthday you shared together after you started dating.

You each take turns doing the other’s nails on the carpeted floor. It’s become somewhat of a tradition that you indulge in every month, where you would spend cozy Friday evenings indoors just because neither of you can be assed to indulge in a “proper“ date night. Being hermits together sounds infinitely more appealing to you than any other alternative.

“I’m not done,” you say, snatching Minho’s hand back after he pulls it away to admire your work. You blow on his fingers to make sure that the layer of black polish you applied earlier is dry, then you’re reaching for a bottle of beige polish sitting amongst the ones scattered on the floor. You take a tiny brush from the nail kit - one that’s rarely ever touched because neither of you knows how to do nail art - and dip it into the sand-colored polish.

“What are you doing?“ he asks, watching as you trace some squiggly lines on his middle finger, the lighter color settling nicely on top of the black even if he has no idea what you’re trying to draw. “What is that?”

“Soonie,” you say simply. “When you flip people off, you can show them Soonie.”

You don’t need to look at him to know that his attention is fixed on you even though he doesn’t give you a response. You feel his gaze on the side of your face, soft and warm and never leaving for even a second. He doesn’t say anything while you work though, maybe he doesn’t want to mess up your concentration while you’re so engrossed in what you’re doing. He only chuckles at your answer, then nothing afterward.

You don’t mind the lack of conversation. It helps you focus better on what you’re doing because you’re no artist by any means. You can’t draw to save your life, let alone master something as intricate as nail art, but this is therapeutic. It’s perfect to help you unwind after a long week - doodling your beloved cat on your boyfriend’s nails while Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls sets the ambience. You’ll get the ice cream when you’re done with your impromptu project, along with a little headache from inhaling too much of the polish scent perhaps, but isn’t that a small price to pay?

You take your sweet time with the teeny tiny details, like Soonie’s delicate whiskers and the darker strips of fur on his face. He still turns out a little wonky, a little lopsided here and there but it’s not like you expected it to turn out like a Picasso.

The real Soonie seems to sense a disturbance in the force when he wakes up from his nap and saunters toward you curiously. You pick him up and sit him in your lap so he doesn’t come too close to the fresh polish on Minho’s nails. “Look,” you say with a proud smile, pointing toward the small cat doodle. “That’s you.”

He studies it for a moment, focused on your portrayal of him but then he’s quick to decide that he’s not interested anymore before wiggling away from your lap to go join Doongie on the couch. You chuckle lightly, watching him as he walks off, wondering if this is what it will feel like when your future children enter their teenage years.

When you turn back to Minho, he’s still staring at you, a dazed look in his eyes as he blinks slowly, his hand resting limply on his thigh.

“What?” you ask. “Do you not like–”

“Marry me.”

The rest of your question dies in your throat, wilting away like cherry blossoms when summer nears. He doesn’t break eye contact, still that dreamy gaze when he peers at you. Nothing has ever changed in the way that he looks at you.

For a moment, you’re too stunned to speak. You think anyone would be when their boyfriend drops a proposal out of nowhere while you’re doing each other’s nails in your comfiest sweatpants.

Everything that you’ve been afraid of comes bubbling to the surface, every doubt, every fear, even every fleeting insecurity. They manifest as a ringing in your ears, a buzzing in your head that makes it hard to think about anything at all.

But then he shuffles closer, closer and closer until his warm breath fans your cheek, his nose nudging your cheekbone gently. It’s similar to what Doongie does sometimes when you’re lounging in bed and he just wants some love.

When Minho takes your hand and laces your fingers together in his lap, everything stills. The rumbling comes to a halt, the distant thunder fading slowly into the background of your mind palace until it’s reduced to mere white noise. “Marry me,“ he says again, and his voice is so tender that you ache. Tender and sweet and so full of wonderful adoration. If you ever have to describe what love sounds like, you would say it’s him and his voice, right here and right in this exact moment.

“A little dramatic to propose just because I drew your cat.”

He chuckles, presses a kiss to your cheek before he ducks down to deliver another kiss on the side of your neck. Then he pulls back, just enough to get a clear view of you and your now glassy eyes.

“Bottom drawer in our bedroom,” he tells you. You can’t lie; you have half a mind to leave him here and go check. “I bought the ring two months ago, but I knew I wanted to marry you two years before that. I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to do it but I realized the perfect moment doesn’t exist, because every minute I spend with you is perfect. I love you so much. It’s not because you drew me my cat, by the way. I think I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.

“I love your weird brain and your blanket-hogging ass. I love that you’re crazy enough to listen to a song literally over a thousand times without getting bored. I even love you when you set ten alarms in the morning and still manage to sleep through all of them. I know you hate your smile but it’s my favorite smile in the world. Did you know my favorite color is the color of your eyes? The best part of my day is when I get to come home to you and the kids waiting for me. I want all of you forever. I promise I’ll love you twice as much on days that you don’t love yourself. When we’re old and gray and we look like raisins, I’ll let you go first so you won’t have to spend a single day alone. I’ll–” He stops when you let out a teary giggle, no bite in his voice at all when he says, “Please don’t laugh at me during my big romantic speech.” 

It only makes you laugh harder, though it’s just as emotional. If you focus on the other part of his sentence, you’ll only crumble into a million pieces right here.  “How very romantic of you to include the visual of us as raisins in your speech.”

Minho rolls his eyes – fondly, of course. When he pretends to squirm away from you, you tug him back by the collar of his shirt to plant an apologetic kiss on his lips which he eagerly accepts.

“Please continue,” you say, smiling against his mouth. “Tell me all the ways that you’ll love me.”

“You ruined it. I retract my proposal,” he grumbles, but his arms betray his words when they tighten around your frame, holding you close to him to steal another kiss. Then another, and another, until your faces are wet with tears and you realize that you’re both crying.

“I’m sorry,” you say through sniffles and tears. “Please keep going.”

“Make it up to me first.”

“How?”

“Marry me,” he repeats a final time. “I’ll give you a better speech on our wedding day.”

Years and years from now, when you’re old and gray and look like raisins – as he so poetically put it – you’ll remember this moment down to every miniscule detail. How the cats’ peace is disturbed by your tearful giggles and the strange look they give you before wandering out of the room, in favor of somewhere without two crying idiots. How the record starts skipping but neither of you can be bothered to do anything about the obnoxious sound. How the material of his shirt feels when you bunch the fabric in your hands because you need to kiss him, need him to be as close as humanly possible.

You’ll remember the sob that he hiccups when you tell him through choked up whispers, “Yes, I’ll marry you,” and how his lips feel when they tremble against your skin. You’ll remember the way he holds onto you like a lifeline, because he’s always been your salvation for as long as you’ve known him. You’ll remember what happens after, later that night when he finally slips the ring onto your finger. The words he whispers into the crook of your neck, “You mean the world to me,” and the emotions in his voice when you both realize this is the start of the rest of forever.

You’ll remember everything, all of it, every clumsy touch and every graceless kiss. Ugly crying on the floor and yet, it’s more perfect than anything you can ever dream of.

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