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#this was such a hard day i was fighting for my life trying to come up with an idea
theshift · 2 days
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The Breakout
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Before everything fell apart, Marcus had a life that he was proud of. He wasn’t some thug or low-life; he had his routines, his ambitions. Boxing was his escape, the one place where he felt in control. He spent hours in the gym, the sound of fists hitting heavy bags and the smell of sweat filling the air as he trained. There was something about the discipline, the focus, the rhythm of a good fight that made the chaos of the outside world fade away. He wasn’t a pro, but he was good—damn good—and he was starting to get noticed. On weekends, he’d run along the river, feeling the early morning breeze, imagining his next match. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was his, and he had a future lined up. That was before it all got ripped away—before he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit. Now, that life seemed like a distant dream, one he’d never wake up to again. The real world, the one he’d worked so hard for, felt like it had vanished forever.
Marcus had been in prison for two long months. His life had been ripped away, and now he was just another inmate waiting for judgment in a system that didn’t care.
But even worse than being locked up was dealing with Officer Nathan, the patrol officer who took sick pleasure in making Marcus’s life miserable. Nathan was cruel. Every day he found a new way to degrade Marcus. Whether it was spilling his food on the ground or shouting insults that cut deeper than the metal bars around him, Nathan loved to remind Marcus who was in control.
Today had been no different. As Marcus sat on his cot, his mind still reeling from the news of his sentencing—fifteen years—Nathan showed up at his cell with that same smirk.
“Well, well, look at you. Fifteen years, huh? Guess you’re gonna rot here for a while,” Nathan sneered, leaning against the bars. “Bet you thought you’d get off easy. But nobody cares about some low-life scum like you.”
Marcus clenched his fists, staring at the floor. He couldn’t believe it. Fifteen years for something he didn’t do. His whole life—gone. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to ignore Nathan’s voice.
“You know what the best part is?” Nathan continued, his voice dripping with cruelty. “You’ll be here, getting old and wasting away, while I’m out there. Free. Living my life. Makes you wonder why you even bother fighting, doesn’t it?”
Marcus’s body tensed. “I didn’t do it.”
Nathan barked out a laugh. “Sure, that’s what they all say. Keep telling yourself that, Marcus. Doesn’t change a damn thing.” He tapped the bars with his baton, a sharp clink ringing out. “You belong here. And I’m going to make sure every day feels like hell for you. Count on it.”
Marcus couldn’t take it anymore. The injustice, the humiliation—it all boiled inside him. He couldn’t live like this, not for fifteen years. His hands shook, his breath coming in sharp gasps as his heart pounded in his chest.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry. Go ahead,” Nathan jeered. “Cry like the pathetic loser you are.”
Something snapped inside Marcus.
“You think you’re untouchable,” Marcus muttered, his voice low, trembling with rage.
Nathan raised an eyebrow. “What was that?”
Marcus slowly lifted his head, eyes burning with something darker, something Nathan had never seen before. “You think you’re better than me because you’re on that side of the bars? Because you can do whatever you want to people like me?”
Nathan chuckled, but there was a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes now. “Yeah, I do. What are you gonna do about it?”
Marcus’s lips twisted into a cold smile as he stood up, his body humming with a power he had always kept hidden, a power he had refused to use until now. His gaze locked onto Nathan, and the room seemed to thrum with a strange energy.
Nathan stepped back from the bars, suddenly on edge. “What’s your deal, man? Sit down before you do something stupid.”
But Marcus didn’t stop. His eyes were like burning coals, and a strange pressure filled the air around them. He closed his eyes, focusing inward, feeling the dark energy swirling within him like a storm, ready to be unleashed.
He had never wanted to use his gift, but this was different. This was survival.
Marcus's body felt weightless as he reached out mentally, a strange, ethereal sensation that began to rise from the depths of his chest. The connection to Nathan was immediate—a tether of energy, dark and tangible, latching onto him like invisible chains. Marcus’s mind surged toward Nathan, slipping through the cracks of his consciousness, feeling his presence as if it were a physical thing.
The shift was sudden, a jarring sensation that sent Nathan stumbling backward. His hands shot up to his head, as if he could physically block Marcus’s intrusion, but it was already too late. Marcus could feel Nathan’s mind now—panicked, scattered, full of raw terror.
“No—what are you doing?” Nathan’s voice was sharp, trembling with fear.
Marcus’s smile widened. His consciousness flooded Nathan’s mind like dark water, consuming him, pushing past every mental wall the officer tried to erect. It was a slow process, deliberate, like sinking into quicksand, inch by inch, until Nathan’s screams became muffled in the back of his own mind.
Nathan staggered back against the wall, his body twitching as Marcus took over. From the outside, it looked like Nathan was having some kind of seizure, his face contorting in shock as his limbs jerked, resisting the possession. But Marcus was relentless. He pushed deeper, feeling his own awareness settle into Nathan’s body as though slipping on a perfectly tailored suit.
Nathan's mind screamed, trapped now as a mere voice, a presence that Marcus could feel but had full control over. “Stop! Get out! You can’t do this!”
Marcus ignored him. He flexed Nathan’s fingers, feeling the strength of his new form. The once-familiar prison walls looked different through Nathan’s eyes—sharper, crisper. Marcus rolled his shoulders, testing the muscles that now responded to his command.
Inside, Nathan’s terror grew. “What are you—get out of my body!”
Marcus’s laugh, low and cruel, rumbled through Nathan’s throat. “Oh, Nathan… you’re not in charge anymore.”
With one final surge of effort, Marcus forced Nathan’s consciousness into the back of his mind, shoving him deep into a corner, trapping him in the prison of Marcus’s old body. Nathan was now locked away, his pleas for help falling on deaf ears as Marcus stood tall in his stolen skin.
Nathan, now trapped in Marcus’s body, staggered forward, horrified at the sight of his own hands—Marcus’s hands—reaching out toward him, mocking him. He tried to scream, but Marcus simply sneered. “Enjoy being on the other side of those bars. I’ll make sure to give you the same treatment you gave me.”
Marcus felt the real Nathan's panic, buried deep inside his old body, helpless and confused, as the guards dragged him away. “No! You don’t understand—I’m not Marcus! I’m Nathan! Please!”
But no one listened. To everyone else, it was just Marcus losing his mind.
Meanwhile, Marcus—now fully in control of Nathan’s body—strolled through the prison halls, relishing the newfound power. Nathan’s voice screamed in the back of his head, but Marcus simply tuned him out, reveling in the freedom and control he had never felt before.
“You’ve had your fun, Nathan,” Marcus muttered under his breath, his voice sounding strange but powerful. “Now it’s my turn.”
Nathan was trapped inside Marcus’s body, powerless, screaming silently as Marcus turned and walked down the hallway in his new form. The other guards greeted him with nods of respect, completely unaware of the switch.
As Marcus settled into Nathan's body, something unexpected surfaced from the officer's memories—Nathan was secretly into men. Hidden beneath his tough exterior and cruel demeanor was a desire he had never dared to act on, a truth he kept buried deep, afraid of what it would mean for his image as the hardened officer. And to Marcus's surprise, Nathan had even found him attractive, though he would have never admitted it. The irony was delicious.
Now, with full control of Nathan's body, Marcus realized he could have the life Nathan was too scared to embrace. He wasted no time. With Nathan’s face, his fit build, and authority, Marcus quickly began to attract attention, something Nathan had always fantasized about but never had the nerve to act on. Marcus, on the other hand, had no qualms about indulging in what Nathan had suppressed. Within days, he had hooked up with men who were drawn to his new appearance—something Nathan had always dreamed of but never had the courage to pursue. It wasn’t just about the power; it was about taking Nathan’s secret desires and living them out in ways Nathan never could.
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More days passed, and Marcus, now in Nathan’s body, relished every moment of his new life. He took over Nathan’s duties, tormenting the real Nathan—trapped inside Marcus’s old body. Every time Marcus walked by, he could see the fear in his own face, the panic in Nathan’s eyes as he tried to tell the guards what had happened.
“Nobody’s listening, Nathan,” Marcus whispered one day as he passed by the cell. “They think you’ve lost it. Crazy, isn’t it?”
Nathan, trapped and powerless, screamed, banging on the bars of the cell. “Stop this! Please! I’m not Marcus! I’m not him!”
But no one believed him. To the other guards, he was just another inmate losing his mind.
Marcus continued his life as Nathan, basking in the power that came with it. He spent a week tormenting the real Nathan, letting the other guards treat him the same way Nathan had treated Marcus. The irony wasn’t lost on him, and he loved every second of it.
One day, Marcus stood in front of a mirror in Nathan’s office, staring at the reflection of Nathan’s face. A thought struck him.
“Why waste this? Why stay here as some low-life prison officer?” he murmured to himself. He grinned, running a hand over Nathan’s strong jawline. “I could do so much more.”
The next morning, Marcus handed in Nathan’s resignation. He was done with this place, with this pathetic life. He had bigger plans. He left the prison behind without a second glance, the real Nathan screaming in his own body, now doomed to serve the sentence Marcus was supposed to endure.
And Marcus? He moved to the city, reinvented himself as a model. Nathan’s looks, once wasted on cruelty, now served Marcus well. The spotlight loved him, and he embraced his new life, his new identity.
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As Marcus rose to fame, Nathan remained locked in a cell, forgotten, living the nightmare he had once created for others.
And Marcus? He was finally free.
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strayrockette · 2 days
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My Sunshine Girl: A Healing Home
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Masterlist❤️Previous Part
Summary: Having Benny around changes things for the better.
Themes: Family drama, underlying grief, and finding comfort in your favorite person
A/n: I didn't realize I was writing in first person and by the time I noticed I was already too deep in the process 🤷‍♀️LMK if you wanna be part of a taglist for this series, or for all my works!!
The weeks following the fight at the bar were a blur of quiet days and slow healing. Benny had told me to stay home until the bruises and scrapes faded, though he never really explained why I needed to lay low or how he planned to smooth things over with the cops. I didn’t press him on it. I trusted him enough to just listen, even if the silence that came with being cooped up sometimes felt too heavy to bear.
I called my uncle to let him know I was taking a few weeks off, spinning some story about needing to clear out the attic and sort through old boxes that had been collecting dust since my childhood. It wasn’t a lie, exactly; the attic had been long overdue for a cleanout. But what I hadn’t expected was how many old memories would come flooding back during those quiet weeks at home.
Some days, the house felt haunted by the past—pictures of my mom tucked away in forgotten corners, trinkets from a time when life felt simpler. I’d find my old pookie bear, the one my ma had made me, and all at once, the grief would hit me hard, like no time had passed at all. I’d crumble under the weight of it, tears streaming down my face, and Benny would be right there, no questions asked. He didn’t pry when I broke down, didn’t push for explanations. He just wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry it out until the storm passed.
He was my buffer, my anchor, the one constant in a sea of emotions I wasn’t always prepared to deal with. And even on the hardest days, he made it easier just by being there.
But it wasn’t all sadness. Sometimes, between the dusting and sorting, we’d stumble onto something that would break the tension and remind me that joy still had a place in this old house. Like the day Benny found my middle school diary—tucked away in a box of yearbooks and scribbled notes, full of awkward confessions and childhood crushes. I was mortified, scrambling to snatch it out of his hands as he held it above his head, flipping through the pages with a devilish grin.
“Number one: Mr. O’Connell, your eighth-grade math teacher? Really?” Benny read aloud, his tone dripping with mock horror as I jumped, trying and failing to grab the diary back.
“Oh my god, Benny, stop!” I begged, my face burning as I reached up, but he just laughed, lifting the diary higher, making a game out of it.
“You had a thing for math, huh? Or just guys with glasses?”
I groaned, mortified but unable to keep the smile off my face. “Give it back! I swear, I’ll—”
Benny kept reading, amused at my futile attempts. I shoved a nearby box over, using it as a makeshift step stool, only for it to collapse under me, sending me tumbling to the floor. The crash echoed through the attic, and for a second, everything went silent before Benny’s laughter broke the tension, deep and infectious.
I looked up, sprawled on the floor, and started laughing too, the kind of uncontrollable, belly-aching laughter that leaves you breathless and teary-eyed for all the right reasons. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed like that in this house.
We spent the rest of the day making new memories, each corner of the attic becoming less about the past and more about the here and now. Benny helped me pack away the old pain and fill the empty spaces with something lighter, something new. The house felt different by the end of those weeks, less like a museum of all the hurt I’d carried and more like a home that was ours.
Every time I looked at a corner that used to be filled with sadness, I felt gratitude instead—a quiet, blooming joy that wrapped itself around my heart. I wasn’t forgetting my mom or the pain we’d both gone through, but I was finding a way to make room for happiness too.
The midday sun streamed through the kitchen window, casting warm, golden light across the countertops as I moved around the stove. The smell of homemade tomato soup filled the air, mingling with the buttery aroma of the grilled cheese I was making for lunch. I knew Benny was supposed to be out the door over an hour ago, but here he was, his arms snug around my waist and his head resting comfortably on my shoulder. I could feel the soft, steady rhythm of his breathing against my back, his presence grounding me in a way that made the entire world feel right.
“Weren’t you supposed to leave an hour ago?” I whispered with a giggle as he kissed the sensitive spot on my neck, his lips lingering just long enough to make my skin tingle.
Benny hummed, his voice low and lazy, full of that warmth that always sent shivers down my spine. “You’re holding me hostage,” he murmured, nuzzling into my neck like he had all the time in the world.
I scoffed, flipping the sandwich in the pan, the bread sizzling as it turned a perfect golden brown. “I hope that’s not what you’re tellin’ the boys,” I teased, trying to keep the smile off my face as his kisses grew more persistent, more playful.
“They’d believe it,” he said, his lips brushing against my skin as he grinned. “You were a sight of fear for them that night.”
I nudged him gently, still caught off guard by the way he made me feel so seen, so known. “No way they fear me,” I said, laughing at the absurdity of it. The idea of those big, greasy, tattooed men being scared of someone like me was ridiculous. I was a lot of things, but intimidating wasn’t one of them—not to them, at least.
Benny chuckled softly, his voice a warm rumble that I felt all the way to my bones. “You were a force,” he said, and I could hear the pride mixed with amusement in his tone. “Five women tried to pull you off, and you broke through them—teeth, nails, and limbs flying everywhere. Like a little monkey.”
I gasped, feigning offense as I pushed him back playfully, though his hold on me didn’t loosen. “Rude!” I scolded, my cheeks warming as I turned the sandwich again, trying to focus on the task at hand despite the way his words made my heart race.
Benny laughed, the sound deep and peaceful, wrapping around me like a favorite song. “I never want to think about that night ever again,” I sighed, shaking my head at the memory. I’d gone to the bar looking for some fun, but it had turned into anything but that. “Eat your grilled cheese and leave me alone, Benny Cross. You’ve made enough rude comments for one day.”
He dipped lower, his lips brushing my cheek, then my jaw, peppering soft kisses along my skin until I was practically squirming from the attention. “I’m waiting,” he murmured, his voice smooth as honey, and I knew he was enjoying every second of this.
“Your plate was already made,” I said, my tone dripping with disbelief as I tried to keep my composure. I pointed to the counter where his sandwich and soup were sitting, perfectly plated and ready to eat. “Right there.”
“For you,” he whispered against my ear, his hands roaming my sides in a slow, soft caress that sent jolts of pleasure through me. He was relentless, every touch deliberate, every kiss a gentle tease that made it hard to think straight.
I bit down on the wave of heat that spread through me, refusing to give in completely. “If I hear someone make a comment about me keepin’ you hostage the next time I’m at the bar, I swear I’m chucking an 8-ball at ‘em,” I warned, trying to sound stern, but my voice came out breathless, betraying the effect he had on me.
Benny grinned, his lips brushing my ear as he whispered, “Let ‘em talk, Sunshine. You’ve got nothing to prove.” His hands continued their slow exploration, skimming over my hips and up my back, a mix of comfort and desire that made my knees weak. “Besides, I like being held hostage by you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, the sound light and free, bubbling up from somewhere deep inside me. “Yeah, well, you better behave,” I said, turning just enough to look at him, catching the mischievous glint in his eyes. “Or I might just let you go.”
He pulled me closer, his grip firm but tender, holding me in place as he looked down at me with that lazy, cocky smile I’d grown to love. “You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried,” he said, his voice low and rough, filled with something deeper than just teasing. “I’m right where I wanna be.”
I leaned into him, letting the warmth of his body and the comfort of his words wrap around me like a blanket. His stubble tickled along my neck with each kiss he placed. I shivered and inched away from him with a giggle, "At least let me finish plating my dish."
He grumbled as he stepped away, grabbed his plate, and moved to sit at the table. I glanced over my shoulder and found him staring intently at me, his eyes dark and.. "Oh my gosh, Benny, are you pouting??" I squealed, "I'm so telling-"
My teasing quietened as a rapid knock broke our moment. The knock wasn’t just loud—it was aggressive, rattling the walls with an urgency that made my heart jump. Benny stood up from the table, his easy smile fading as the tension in the air thickened. I watched as he walked to the door, his shoulders squared and ready for whatever trouble was waiting on the other side. I barely heard the door open before a booming voice echoed,
“Where is she?”
Uncle Harold boomed, his voice filling every corner of the room. Benny instantly stepped in front of him, his stance protective and his jaw clenched tight. I could feel the anger radiating off Harold in waves, each word landing like a blow.
“You need to back off, Harold,” Benny said, his voice edged with warning as he kept his body between me and my uncle. “You can’t just come in here like this.”
But Harold was past listening. He shoved Benny aside, his eyes searching the room until they found me, just as I stepped around the corner from the kitchen. I froze, the intensity of his glare pinning me in place. Benny quickly moved to close the door behind Aunt Gina and stepped in front of me, blocking my uncle’s line of sight. His broad back was a shield between me and the onslaught of Harold’s rage.
“What’s going on?” I asked, my voice shaky but defiant. I tried to look around Benny, but he held his ground, his presence a firm line of defense.
Harold’s face was twisted with anger, his fists clenched as he pointed at me. “You’ve got this boy living in your mama’s house!” he shouted, his voice cracking with emotion. “And I’ve got Old Man Harry telling me you’ve got a bunch of Vandals vouching that you weren’t in a fight when six women described you in detail!”
The words hit like a slap, the sheer force of his anger pressing down on me, but as his accusations rang out, something inside me snapped.
Benny glanced back at me, his eyes searching mine, but he didn’t move from his spot in front of me. He was there, steady and unflinching, even as the storm raged on. “Harold, you need to calm down,” Benny said, his voice low and tense. “She doesn’t need this from you.”
I stepped around Benny, frustration boiling over. “DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?” I yelled, my voice trembling with fury and years of bottled-up hurt. “You used to be a biker too! You still have your bike! You know what that life is like!”
“That’s different,” Uncle Harold snapped, his anger flaring again as he tried to reel himself back, but I wasn’t about to let him off that easy.
“No, it’s not!” I shot back, my voice breaking. “When you met Aunt Gigi, you’d just gotten out of jail! She still gave you a chance. She saw something in you that no one else did. How is it any different for me and Benny?”
Harold’s face tightened, his anger battling with the guilt that flickered briefly in his eyes. “It’s different because your mama made me promise,” he said, his voice straining, shaking with unspoken grief. “She made me promise that I’d protect you. I gave her my word that I’d be the father you needed.”
Pain gripped my chest, sharp and unforgiving. My throat tightened as I tried to hold back the emotions that threatened to swallow me whole. “Don’t bring her into this!” I shouted, my voice cracking under the weight of it all. The mention of my mom felt like a knife, twisting deep. The hurt was suffocating, choking me with memories of promises I never asked for.
Harold’s face contorted with pain and fury, his voice shaking as he continued. “You’re running around with this boy, getting into trouble, doing things you shouldn’t. You aren’t the little girl we raised.”
I took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to steady myself, but the grief and anger were a tidal wave, pulling me under. I tried to step around Benny, desperate to confront my uncle face-to-face, but Benny’s arm shot out, his hand gently tucking me behind him. His body was a shield, protecting me even when I was ready to charge headfirst into the fire.
“Harold, enough,” Benny said, his voice like steel, unyielding and protective. “You don’t get to judge her. You don’t get to make her feel small.”
I peeked around Benny, the tears burning in my eyes as I stared at my uncle. “You never knew me,” I said, my voice cracking with the raw truth I’d kept buried for years. “Because the little girl you raised was broken, scared and angry. You never saw that, did you? You never saw how hard it was to keep it together, how much I was hurting.”
The room was thick with tension, the air heavy with the weight of unspoken pain. Aunt Gina stepped closer, her face etched with sadness as she watched me unravel. “Sunny, we’re just trying to help,” she said softly, her voice a calm presence amidst the chaos. “We love you. We don’t want to see you get hurt.”
But I was too far gone, too tangled up in my own grief and anger to let the words soothe me. “I know you love me,” I said, my voice trembling as I fought to keep control. “But you don’t get to decide what’s best for me anymore. You don’t get to come in here and throw around all your guilt and promises like they’re weapons.”
Harold’s face fell, the anger draining away, leaving only the hollow ache of regret. His shoulders sagged, and for the first time, he looked at me not with fury, but with a kind of desperate sorrow. “I’m scared, Sunny,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m scared I’m failing her. Failing you. I don’t want to lose you.”
The admission hit me harder than any of his accusations. I could see the guilt and fear that mirrored my own, the weight of promises made in grief and love and uncertainty. But this wasn’t just about him, and it wasn’t about my mom. It was about me.
I took a shaky step forward, Benny’s hand still resting on my shoulder, grounding me. “You’re not failing me,” I said, my voice softening as the anger ebbed away, replaced by something gentler. “But you’ve got to let me live. You’ve got to trust me to make my own choices, even if they’re messy.”
Aunt Gina reached out, squeezing Harold’s arm, her touch a quiet anchor pulling him back. She looked at me, her eyes filled with a sadness that was heavy and old, and nodded slowly. “We just want you to be happy,” she said, her voice choked with the weight of everything left unsaid.
“I am happy,” I whispered, looking up at Benny, who watched me with those steady eyes that had been my rock through it all. “Because I’m finally living for me.”
Uncle Harolds expression softened, the lines of his face deepening as he looked at me, his shoulders sagging under the weight of his own failures. “Forgive me,” he murmured, his voice breaking with raw vulnerability. It wasn’t just an apology for tonight, but for everything—for every time he’d let his anger and grief overshadow his love for me.
Harold bowed his head, the pain etched deep into his features, and without another word, he turned away, his broad, hulking figure seeming smaller, more fragile as he walked toward the door. He moved slowly, like he was dragging the weight of the world behind him, every step heavy with the sorrow of a man who’d tried to do right but hadn’t always known how.
Aunt Gina lingered for a moment, her eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and quiet reassurance. She reached out, squeezing my arm gently, her touch warm and grounding. “We’re still here, Sunny,” she said softly, her voice laced with a kind of fierce love that made my chest ache. “No matter what, we’re still here for you.”
I nodded, feeling the sting of tears that I refused to let fall. “I know,” I whispered, my voice catching as I met her gaze. “Thank you.”
Gina gave me a soft, reassuring smile, the kind that spoke of years of shared memories, both good and bad. She glanced at Benny, her expression shifting to something like cautious hope, and then back at me, her eyes full of unspoken promises. She turned to follow Harold, her footsteps light but purposeful, and with one last look, she stepped through the door, closing it softly behind her.
With the door closed and my aunt and uncle finally gone, the weight of their words hung heavy in the air, settling deep into my bones. The playfulness of our earlier mood had completely vanished, replaced by something darker and more somber. I stood in the middle of the room, feeling lost, unsure of what to do with myself as the emotional turmoil that always seemed to follow me crept back in. I had thought I’d managed to escape it these past few weeks, hiding in the warmth of Benny’s company, but now it was back, clawing at me with a vengeance.
I sniffed, trying to swallow down the lump in my throat, the familiar sting of tears threatening to break free again. “I need a nap,” I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at Benny, my gaze fixed on the stairs as I rushed past him, desperate to get away, to hide from the flood of emotions crashing over me.
I stumbled into the bedroom, shutting the door behind me and collapsing onto the bed. I curled up into a tight ball, pulling the blankets around me as if they could shield me from everything swirling inside my head. My uncle’s voice echoed, relentless and unforgiving, each word like a dagger twisting deeper. ‘I promised your ma I’d take care of you.’ The guilt, the pressure, the overwhelming sense of being a disappointment—it all wrapped around me, suffocating and relentless.
I buried my face into the pillow, my chest tightening with each shaky breath as I tried to keep it together. But it was no use. The tears came anyway, hot and uncontrollable, spilling over as I silently sobbed into the fabric. The pain of my past, the weight of everyone’s expectations—it was too much. All the anger, the sadness, and the unresolved grief came rushing back, drowning me in a wave of emotions I didn’t know how to handle.
I didn’t hear Benny come in, but I felt the bed dip as he sat beside me, his presence a quiet, grounding force that I hadn’t realized I was desperate for. He didn’t say anything, didn’t ask me to talk or try to pry me open. He simply wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close, his body fitting around mine like a protective shield. I felt his head nestle into the crook of my neck, his breath warm and steady against my skin.
He didn’t let go, didn’t pull back when I tensed, just held me tighter, his arms firm and unyielding. Benny’s embrace was like an anchor, something solid and real in the middle of my storm. His touch was gentle, each stroke of his thumb against my shoulder a silent reassurance that I wasn’t alone, that I didn’t have to carry all of this by myself. I felt the trembling in my body start to ease, the frantic beating of my heart slowly matching the calm, even rhythm of his.
Benny’s presence was more than just comforting; it was life-saving. He grounded me in a way that nothing else could, pulling me back from the edge of my own despair. The panic, the guilt, all the things I kept locked away—they didn’t feel so unbearable with him there, holding me through it. I closed my eyes, letting myself sink into the warmth of his embrace, feeling the tension slowly begin to drain from my muscles.
He kissed my shoulder softly, his lips brushing against my skin in a gesture so gentle it almost broke me all over again. I felt the tears well up once more, but this time they were softer, less frantic, as if Benny’s presence was slowly unwinding the tight knot of pain inside me. I turned slightly, pressing my face into his chest, breathing him in—the scent of leather, smoke, and something uniquely his that always made me feel safe.
“I’ve got you,” Benny whispered, his voice low and hushed, like a secret meant only for me. His hand moved up to cup the back of my head, his fingers threading through my hair as he held me close. “You’re not alone. I’m right here.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, the words breaking through my defenses in a way that nothing else had. Benny didn’t try to fix me, didn’t pretend that he could make everything better, and that was exactly what I needed. He was just there, unconditionally, holding me as I broke down, no judgment, no expectations—just a quiet, unwavering support that made me feel like maybe I could keep going, even when everything felt impossible.
I pulled back just enough to look up at him, my eyes puffy and wet, but his gaze was soft and full of something that made my heart ache. I saw the way he looked at me—not with pity, but with an understanding that went deeper than words. He brushed his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the last of my tears, and I felt the flood of emotion rise up again, but this time it was different, warmer.
“I love you,” I whispered, the confession spilling out before I could second-guess it. It was raw and unguarded, the truth laid bare in the quiet space between us. For the first time, it didn’t feel scary to say. It felt right.
Benny’s face softened, and a smile tugged at his lips, gentle and filled with a quiet joy that made my heart flutter. He leaned in, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes closing as he let the words sink in. “I love you, too,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “More than you know.”
I melted into him, my arms wrapping around his neck as he held me tighter, his embrace a sanctuary from the world outside. The chaos, the pain, my uncle’s harsh words—they all faded into the background, replaced by the steady, calming presence of Benny beside me. I buried my face against his chest, letting myself be small and vulnerable, knowing that with Benny, I didn’t have to be anything but myself.
Taglist: @storiesfromafan@aleemendoza2425-blog , @preciouslilmonster , @iamaslytherin0
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About You
[jungkook x Y/N] [just another self-indulgent 3.9k+ mild angst fic]
-
Your foot taps softly in sync with the beat of the song you’re listening to. Strange, you think. This was yours and his song. And now, as you try not to slip on the platform waiting for the train to arrive, you feel nothing.
It was just a song.
-
“Come dance with me.” Jungkook giggles as he stands on the couch. His foot playfully nudges your thighs, urging you to follow.
And follow you do.
If he were asking you to follow him to the depths of the ocean, you would. There is nothing you wouldn’t do for the man who safely held your heart in his hands.
He gently grabs your arms to guide them towards his shoulders, then softly and sweetly, his own hands slide down to your hips.
“This is nice,” you whisper. Eyes shying away from his; instead resting your gaze at his lip ring. Jungkook slowly sways both your bodies to the melody, careful not to push either one of you off the couch.
“It is,” he hums. The close proximity of your warm bodies has you feeling the vibrations from his chest to yours. “This song’s my favorite ever since I learned that my parents danced to this song on their wedding day,” he muses.
“You trying to tell me something, Jeon?” You tease as your hand caresses the back of his neck. Jungkook once again giggles and this time, it’s his eyes that shies away from yours.
“Yeah, someday,” he trails off. His lips ghosting over yours and you believe this is the love you dreamt about since you were nine, finally materializing—all yours to take.
“I wanna marry you someday, Y/N”
You feel it from the tips of your toes up to the roots of your hair—you are finally loved wholly.
-
The blaring horn of the oncoming train breaks you out of your reverie. Clutching the strap of your bag, you hurry along the commuters to the train.
Sat on the far end of the car, you lower the volume of your headphones as the next song plays.
Yet again, the memory comes to you in waves. You await for the pit of longing and regret to follow, but strangely, you no longer feel anything.
Long gone are the nights when the very same memory of Jungkook washes every sanity you have and floods you with heart-wrenching pain. The what-if's and if-only’s were keeping you away from a good night's rest and staying with you until breakfast.
A small smile graces your lips as you remember how wrecked you were. You're once again relieved as you remember surviving those tormenting days. You're here now, despite thinking you couldn't live without him.
How dramatic of you.
But looking back, you truly didn't know how to cope with the loss of true love.
How could you have gone without Jungkook's antics during Friday nights—movie marathon turning into a pillow fight, dinner at midnight, and impulsive late night drives around the neighborhood listening to your favorite album on loop.
It was nine years of your life, in which you have grown and adapted his habits as yours and him, yours.
As the train passes by a familiar building, a new sadness creeps up on you. It's not the loneliness you felt before when the loss of Jungkook was still fresh, rather, it's a yearning sadness. You lament over the memories remaining just as is.
No more nights at his place, no more brunch at the corner deli by your street, and no more whispered love confessions between heated kisses.
You wonder how long until this yearning of yours hardens and acclimates. Would it take as long as getting over the simple mention of Jungkook's name or the numbing towards the memory-filled songs you onced listened to? For years, your family and friends tiptoed around you, careful not to mention Jungkook's name. Headphones and vinyls were stashed away in boxes at the attic in fear of coming across a song that you danced to with your then-lover. You worked hard to bully down the angsty feelings that came with the memories, and now, you feel nothing at the remembrance of Jungkook.
You weren't one for cheesy quotes, but you suppose it's true what they say, "time heals all wounds".
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miaaluvspaige · 2 days
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Title:Worth Fighting For
Parring : Breanna Stewart x reader
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Being with Breanna Stewart was like being caught in a whirlwind. You had known from the moment you met her that she was something special. Her dedication to basketball was unmatched, and you admired her for it, but being with someone so committed to their sport came with its own set of challenges. Over time, it became harder to navigate the space between Breanna’s career and your relationship.
At first, things were perfect. You were her biggest supporter, attending games whenever you could, and Breanna made time for you in her busy schedule. But as the demands of her career grew, so did the distance between you. The missed dinners, the late-night phone calls that became shorter and less frequent, and the weeks apart had taken their toll. You tried to understand, to be patient, but it felt like you were slowly slipping away from each other.
One evening, after Breanna had returned from yet another road trip, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. She walked through the door, exhausted but happy to see you, and wrapped her arms around you as usual. But something inside you broke, and you pulled away.
“We need to talk,” you said softly, your voice trembling despite your efforts to stay composed.
Breanna froze, her smile fading as she searched your face. “What’s going on?”
You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. “I can’t do this anymore, Bre. I feel like I’m losing you. We barely talk, we never see each other, and when we do, you’re too tired to even be here with me. I feel like I’m fighting for us alone.”
Her face fell, guilt flickering in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it had gotten this bad.”
“I know basketball is your life,” you continued, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. “And I would never ask you to give that up. But I need to feel like I matter too.”
Breanna’s eyes softened as she stepped closer, reaching out to take your hands. “You do matter. More than anything. I just… I’ve been so focused on my career, on winning, that I didn’t realize I was losing you in the process.”
Tears slipped down your cheeks, and Breanna quickly wiped them away with her thumb, her expression full of regret. “I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered. “But I don’t know how to make this work.”
For a long moment, the two of you stood in silence, the weight of everything hanging heavily between you. Part of you wanted to walk away, to spare yourself the pain of continuing down this difficult path. But the love you had for Breanna was undeniable. She was worth fighting for.
“I don’t want to lose you either,” you finally whispered, your voice cracking. “But we can’t keep going like this.”
Breanna nodded, her jaw tightening as she pulled you into a tight embrace, holding you like she was afraid to let go. “I’ll do better,” she said softly, her voice thick with emotion. “I don’t know how, but I’ll find a way to make this work. I promise.”
You held on to her, feeling the strength in her arms and the warmth of her breath on your neck. For the first time in weeks, you allowed yourself to hope that maybe things could be different, that maybe this wasn’t the end.
---
The next few weeks were hard. Breanna did her best to show you that she was committed to making your relationship work, but the distance and her schedule still created obstacles. You had long, honest conversations about your needs, about how to balance her demanding career with your relationship. Breanna even started making more time for you, calling more frequently when she was away and scheduling weekends for just the two of you.
But even with these changes, there were still rough days. Days when you felt like you were back to square one, when it seemed like no amount of effort could fix the cracks in your relationship.
One evening, after Breanna had come home from a game, you found yourself lying beside her in bed, staring at the ceiling. She was exhausted, her body sore from the physical toll of the game, but she turned to you, sensing your unease.
“Are we going to be okay?” you asked softly, your voice barely a whisper in the dark room.
Breanna turned onto her side, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from your face. “We are,” she said firmly, her voice full of certainty. “I’m not giving up on us.”
Her words wrapped around you like a blanket, and you felt a flicker of hope light up in your chest. You turned to face her, your fingers tracing the lines of her face, the familiar curves and angles that you loved so much.
“I’m not giving up either,” you whispered, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips.
Breanna smiled against your lips, her hand sliding into your hair as she deepened the kiss. For the first time in a long while, the tension between you melted away, replaced by a sense of peace. This was what you had been fighting for—this connection, this love.
When you pulled away, Breanna rested her forehead against yours, her breath mingling with yours. “We’ll get through this,” she murmured. “I love you too much to lose you.”
“I love you too,” you replied, your heart swelling with affection for the woman beside you. “We’re going to be okay.”
And in that moment, you believed it. You knew that there would still be challenges ahead, but you also knew that you and Breanna were strong enough to face them together. After all, love was worth fighting for.
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Mia speaks
I write this angst without a happy ending but I didn’t wanna leave yall with a unhappy ending so I added one
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ninadove · 2 days
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Nina reads Dracula 🦇
September 17th
OK HERE WE GO I AM MENTALLY PREPARED TO LEARN ABOUT LUCY’S DEA —
Lucy Westenra's Diary.
Nevermind that. Guess I’ll have to do it all over again.
Four days and nights of peace. I am getting so strong again that I hardly know myself. It is as if I had passed through some long nightmare, and had just awakened to see the beautiful sunshine and feel the fresh air of the morning around me. I have a dim half-remembrance of long, anxious times of waiting and fearing; darkness in which there was not even the pain of hope to make present distress more poignant: and then long spells of oblivion, and the rising back to life as a diver coming up through a great press of water.
The pain of hope alright…
To-night Dr. Van Helsing is going away, as he has to be for a day in Amsterdam. But I need not be watched; I am well enough to be left alone.
‘Cause here we go, go, go again 🎶
Thank God for mother's sake, and dear Arthur's, and for all our friends who have been so kind! I shall not even feel the change, for last night Dr. Van Helsing slept in his chair a lot of the time. I found him asleep twice when I awoke; but I did not fear to go to sleep again, although the boughs or bats or something napped almost angrily against the window-panes.
EVERYONE. IS TRYING. SO HARD.
Anyways BACK TO RENFIELD:
Suddenly the door was burst open, and in rushed my patient, with his face distorted with passion. I was thunderstruck, for such a thing as a patient getting of his own accord into the Superintendent's study is almost unknown.
Right. But he did escape the facility itself twice, including once with your complicity. So maybe the safety protocols need a liiittle bit of reassessing here.
Without an instant's pause he made straight at me. He had a dinner-knife in his hand, and, as I saw he was dangerous, I tried to keep the table between us. He was too quick and too strong for me, however; for before I could get my balance he had struck at me and cut my left wrist rather severely.
FIGHT!!!!! FIGHT!!!!! FIGHT!!!!! FIGHT!!!!
He was lying on his belly on the floor licking up, like a dog, the blood which had fallen from my wounded wrist. He was easily secured, and, to my surprise, went with the attendants quite placidly, simply repeating over and over again: "The blood is the life! The blood is the life!"
Renfield’s DYI Guide to Vampirism: now available in a bookstore near you!
I cannot afford to lose blood just at present;
This is a terrifying and strangely sweet thought and I will be reusing this turn of phrase.
Happily Van Helsing has not summoned me, so I need not forego my sleep; to-night I could not well do without it.
Telegram, Van Helsing, Antwerp, to Seward, Carfax. Do not fail to be at Hillingham to-night.
Now that’s what I call comedic timing.
Anyways back to… Lucy again… Oh…
I write this and leave it to be seen, so that no one may by any chance get into trouble through me. This is an exact record of what took place to-night. I feel I am dying of weakness, and have barely strength to write, but it must be done if I die in the doing.
Talk about an emotional roller-coaster.
Presently the door opened, and mother looked in; seeing by my moving that I was not asleep, came in, and sat by me. She said to me even more sweetly and softly than her wont:—
"I was uneasy about you, darling, and came in to see that you were all right."
I feared she might catch cold sitting there, and asked her to come in and sleep with me, so she came into bed, and lay down beside me;
SEE WHAT I MEANT LAST TIME. Yes Ms Westenra is dying but she still wants to watch over her little girl! Yes Lucy is a grown adult but she still needs her mum! It’s all about love
After a while there was the low howl again out in the shrubbery, and shortly after there was a crash at the window, and a lot of broken glass was hurled on the floor. The window blind blew back with the wind that rushed in, and in the aperture of the broken panes there was the head of a great, gaunt grey wolf. Mother cried out in a fright, and struggled up into a sitting posture, and clutched wildly at anything that would help her. Amongst other things, she clutched the wreath of flowers that Dr. Van Helsing insisted on my wearing round my neck, and tore it away from me. For a second or two she sat up, pointing at the wolf, and there was a strange and horrible gurgling in her throat; then she fell over—as if struck with lightning, and her head hit my forehead and made me dizzy for a moment or two. The room and all round seemed to spin round. I kept my eyes fixed on the window, but the wolf drew his head back, and a whole myriad of little specks seemed to come blowing in through the broken window, and wheeling and circling round like the pillar of dust that travellers describe when there is a simoon in the desert.
OK OK not to (surprisingly) turn into your local Mrs Westenra Defender™ but. But. If this exact ordeal happened to you and you did not have the benefit of knowing the lore, would your natural conclusion not be that the flowers attracted the wolf? Because that sure as Hell would be mine.
I tried to stir, but there was some spell upon me, and dear mother's poor body, which seemed to grow cold already—for her dear heart had ceased to beat—weighed me down; and I remembered no more for a while.
WAIT SHE’S DEAD????? WHAT ARE WE BLAMING HER FOR EXACTLY????? SHE FUCKING DIED
The maids shrieked, and then went in a body to the dining-room; and I laid what flowers I had on my dear mother's breast. When they were there I remembered what Dr. Van Helsing had told me, but I didn't like to remove them, and, besides, I would have some of the servants to sit up with me now.
I WAS TOLD LUCY’S MUM THREW THE FLOWERS AWAY AND THAT DIRECTLY CAUSED HER DEATH. THAT COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. WHAT HAPPENED
My heart sank when I saw what had happened. They all four lay helpless on the floor, breathing heavily. The decanter of sherry was on the table half full, but there was a queer, acrid smell about. I was suspicious, and examined the decanter. It smelt of laudanum, and looking on the sideboard, I found that the bottle which mother's doctor uses for her—oh! did use—was empty. What am I to do? what am I to do? I am back in the room with mother. I cannot leave her, and I am alone, save for the sleeping servants, whom some one has drugged. Alone with the dead! I dare not go out, for I can hear the low howl of the wolf through the broken window.
WHO WHAT AND HOW
The air seems full of specks, floating and circling in the draught from the window, and the lights burn blue and dim. What am I to do? God shield me from harm this night! I shall hide this paper in my breast, where they shall find it when they come to lay me out. My dear mother gone! It is time that I go too. Good-bye, dear Arthur, if I should not survive this night. God keep you, dear, and God help me!
LUCY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO —
Letter, Mina Harker to Lucy Westenra (Unopened by her.)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My dearest Lucy,—It seems an age since I heard from you, or indeed since I wrote. You will pardon me, I know, for all my faults when you have read all my budget of news.
Why don’t you twist the knife even deeper Bram.
Well, I got my husband back all right;
A little bit of light in this God-forsaken world
'My dears, I want to drink your health and prosperity; and may every blessing attend you both. I know you both from children, and have, with love and pride, seen you grow up. Now I want you to make your home here with me. I have left to me neither chick nor child; all are gone, and in my will I have left you everything.' I cried, Lucy dear, as Jonathan and the old man clasped hands. Our evening was a very, very happy one.
And twist the knife deeper he did.
So here we are, installed in this beautiful old house, and from both my bedroom and the drawing-room I can see the great elms of the cathedral close, with their great black stems standing out against the old yellow stone of the cathedral and I can hear the rooks overhead cawing and cawing and chattering and gossiping all day, after the manner of rooks—and humans.
Windows! Parallels and contrasts!! Something monstrous VS something divine and most of all human!!! I’m fine this is fine we’re all fine —
How is your dear mother getting on?
ALRIGHT BRAM THAT’S ENOUGH TWISTING.
and Jonathan wants looking after still.
🥺🥹 (<- Hanging on by a thread)
And now I have told you my news, let me ask yours. When are you to be married, and where, and who is to perform the ceremony, and what are you to wear, and is it to be a public or a private wedding? Tell me all about it, dear; tell me all about everything, for there is nothing which interests you which will not be dear to me. Jonathan asks me to send his 'respectful duty,' but I do not think that is good enough from the junior partner of the important firm Hawkins & Harker; and so, as you love me, and he loves me, and I love you with all the moods and tenses of the verb, I send you simply his 'love' instead. Good-bye, my dearest Lucy, and all blessings on you.
Yours,
MINA HARKER.
(Thread snapped)
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ryuubff · 2 months
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shuake week 2024
day 2: fake dating
(this is a no pt au)
extra close up on the pic
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bunnihearted · 7 months
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🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
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iftitah · 5 months
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.
#the more i stay around people the more i want to become like them out of spite#because i was so surprised these people are at least 24-26 years age some even did a minor bachelor's before coming here#some have completed post grad and then joined#like aren't you all too fucking old to act that immature#i grew so resentful of everyone how they keep on doing the worst low man shit and then victimize themselves#hypocrites full of shit they don't want to hear the truth#i know no one has the audacity to take a fight with me on here because they know im the youngest here#not because im the youngest but because im better#the girls frown upon me because i don't hear their low mindset humorless jokes and pointo out where they fall short#oh [my irl name] youre so stiff hamesha kami kyun nikalti rahti ho hamesha baat kaatne ki aadat hai learn to take a joke#mazaak hi to kar rahe hain kya yaar#ive cried so many times because i feel suffocated here and out of hate i want to act immature selfish hypocrite too so i do#i become self centered and look into my needs#but everyday bcg shows me how one stays firm in mindset even amidst surrounding of shit people#he points out to me all the time when i start acting like them he says why aren't you trying to rise above#i say ham bhi karte hai na unn chutiyon jaisa behave kyunki unhe unhi ki language mei samajh aata hai#achha ban kar honest banne se kuch nahi milta yaha#but he knows his stuff#he never does these things#however much i let evil thoughts take upon i get astounded everyday how he's practicing his rightful his honesty even tho no one's looking#it makes me want to cry#i hope he gets so ahead in life i hope he stands at the podium one day on a stage and deliver speeches where people actually can see him#like he sees the orator that come to attend our unis gatherings and says everytime kuch to baat hoti hai inn logon mei#i hope he achieves whatever he wants i hope he gets ahead of everyone all this fucking corruption#its not that he's done anything that im applauding he tries his best#and maybe teachers see that too all in class they're only looking at him and teaching they know#do you know how fucking hard it is not get corrupted in this uni and become one of those assholes that have done things unimaginable#im inspired everyday ill try my best to be like him#i do not just want to praise him i want to become someone he doesn't have to say fir tum bhi vahi karogi to kya farq reh jaayega#kuch bada nahi hota logon ki roz roz ki choti choti aadaton se pata chal jaata hai vo kaise hain
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cherriesandcharms · 20 days
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mars-ipan · 22 days
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this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately
#marzi speaks#I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO EARN GOOD BOY POINTS HOLD ON LET ME. EXPLAIN MYSELF HERE#obvs we're in kinda a tense political climate rn#and i'm noticing trends have been getting . increasingly misogynistic lately?#in like . a subtle but for sure still noticeable way#and women are being dismissed and all this awful shit#and ppl are going. completely mask off about it when the woman happens to be a trans gender#and it reminds me of when i was a little girl. and how my mom spent so much time in my childhood#training me to not stand for and take misogynistic bullshit from anyone. and to defend other women too#she taught me to assert myself in professional or academic environments. she taught me to stand proud and take up physical space#once as a kid my great uncle (who's always been a nut) didn't let me come on a fishing trip because i was a girl#when i came to my mom crying about it because i loved boats and fishing and my family she just about murdered him. completely tore into him#my whole life my mom has been there to tell me that people will try to put me down. they will try to overlook me or dismiss me#or make me feel smaller. and if i dare to get too confident i'll be labeled bossy or a bitch#and that no matter what i do i cannot let those pieces of shit win. i cannot let that stop me#and that i'd have to fight so fucking hard for it my whole life and it won't be fair but i will do it because i have no other option#and i'm seeing a lot of transfems having to navigate that now too#but they didn't get the privilege of being trained in this since day 1. they have to figure it out on their own#and the demonization right now is so strong that a single misstep can be. so dangerous#and it makes me so mad. all of that built up anger from every time i've had to learn how to not take misogynistic bullshit comes to a boil#the little girl scout in my brain who grew up forcing people to see that a girl can do whatever the fuck she wants fuck you is ACTIVE rn#she's angry. she's so angry. because she's seeing the same bullshit she dealt with in middle school being repeated again#anyways. transfems. i love you so much. you deserve so much fucking better.#i hope you can safely advocate for yourself. until then i will fucking yell and scream from the rooftops because this shit is so unfair#you should be allowed to succeed and you should be allowed to fail. and you should be allowed to take up as much goddamn space as you want#and wear whatever the hell you want. transfems i love you and i am so so angry on your behalf. modern feminism has failed you#and i am going to kill someone over it#remember to be loudly and unapologetically yourself as much as you safely can. do not let them crush your spirit
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dadbots · 1 year
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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i think i've finally come to understand why i'm so bad at communicating with friends 👍 at one point or another i've thought i was in love with every single person i've ever been friends with (for the most part, at least) because i don't expect other people to like me. OBVIOUSLY this is not true but platonic feelings are not dissimilar to romantic ones (baseline they're the same: you want to love and be loved by someone) but i always end up realizing that i'm not in love with them, just that they matter to me very much and i wouldn't know what do to w/o their presence in my life. BUT this brings me to facet number 2 of my awful communication skills: i hate it when things Get Real. i find myself retreating any time it seems like Something Could Change in my day-to-day life due to them being around and "forcing" the change. i run away from talking to one of my only irl friends on almost a daily basis bc i dread the idea of having to do anything she might want me to do. i think, at the end of the day, my problem might just be that i don't want to change... ANYWAYS
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#i actually think the funniest example of this comes from the irl guy friend i think i actually DO have romantic feelings for#i never used to have feelings for him but i always kind of nursed the idea of such a thing (as i said i think i could be in love with most#friends before i realize i'm not - but with him specifically i never had a moment where i realized i... wasn't?) also my previously#aforementioned irl friend kind of insinuated he might have feelings for me or we might end up with one another and now every time i think#abt him i think about THAT so.#anyways a few years ago he came by my house and picked me up and we got ice cream and talked for hours bc we have a lot in common#and he actually manages to keep in contact with me despite how hard it is (how hard i make it) to talk to me on a consistent basis lol#like we don't talk a LOT but he's also the one who convinced me to contact my former other irl best friend that i hadn't talked to in 6 yrs#anyways back to what i was talking abt from a few years ago... it was 4 yrs ago at this point but after the ice cream - i got a job#and we talked a lot - he took me and my irl bff out but she had a HUGE fight with her bf and he tracked her down and it was. a disaster#but after that they made up (lucikly she broke up with him not too long after lmao) but me and him were put in the middle of it#and anyways we went to the mall with the annoying couple LMAO but we broke off and it was just... really nice to be with him?#and then we went to walmart and rented a movie and went back to my irl's apartment and i tried to dye his hair in her bathroom LMAO#and it just felt really natural to be close to him and whatnot. we really get along and i really don't dislike him and i'm not NOT into him#but yeah anyways a few days later he messaged me and asked if he could pick me up from work but i told him no because at that point i was.#afraid. because i had a dream that i had kissed hik and he turned into rick sanchez and drowned LMFAOOO IT SOUNDS RETARDED BUT.#like i think the point of the dream was that if i showed him that i had some kind of feelings for him he would change or die or disappear?#i always assume the worst. but yeah the dream literally put me off so bad that i cut contact with him for almost 2 years#because i was afraid of him and i was afraid of my life changing#idk. maybe i should give it a try now. i'm still scared but you never know.#i at least wanna say 'thanks' for him convincing me to message my friend from 6 years ago so 🤷‍♀️ who knows
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little-klng · 2 years
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landlords are parasites but i think nothing convinces me of that more than the sheer number of times my landlords have asked me, often repeatedly/every time i see them, to come over and spend hours in their house doing their housework for them, and either guilt trip me the entire time im saying no, or straight up threaten my shelter security for saying no. like i dont think ive ever had a landlord that didnt at least try a couple times to force me to do free housework for them
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raeathnos · 2 years
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#I am… not in a good mental state#it’s uh very alienating#no one like understands the fucking pain and shit that I’ve dealt with for the majority of my life that comes with these problems#no one understands how the focus is primarily on fertility and how you have to really fight for symptoms treatment#it feels like all your worth is in your ability to have kids and like#if you have these sort of problems and don’t want kids it’s kind of one big fuck you#and like no one in my life really gets it; I try to not get mad cause like how could they if they’ve never gone through it#but that doesn’t make it any easier and it’s so hard still and it’s so alienating#gonna go take the hottest shower I fucking can and just like cry it out cause no one is really helping#moms being controlling telling me I can’t go to work tomorrow like this and yelling at me about it#I don’t do well on phone calls and asked if she would sit with me when I called the doctor and that was a mistake#I can’t hear someone talking next to me and someone talking to me on the phone at the same time#and everything she didn’t like she tried to tell me I did wrong and now she’s mad at me#my husband has been complaining about how uncomfortable the chairs in the er were and about being up for 24 hours cause we were there from#2-am to 8am and just idk. I feel bad I guess#but then I get kind of mad about it cause I was also up for 24 hours and like#complaining about hospital chairs vs 10/10 pain + vaginal ultrasound while at 10/10 pain#my dad just flat out doesn’t care and doesn’t think it’s a big deal#I literally went downstairs to get my cats breakfast and got asked if I was better yet#like yeah dad in the span of a day my ovary has returned to normal size and I’m in zero pain. sure. that’s def how that works.#and like I have been having so many issues with my both my parents lately#it’s all so hard it’s too hard and I can’t fucking handle it#my health has just been in a constant nose dive since September#and I feel like everyone thinks because I already have a lot of health issues that I’m used to it and can handle it#no one gives a shit- which has also been great for my mental health#I can’t handle any of this shit and I feel like everyone around me just thinks I’m weak and annoying and a failure#I’ve been overwhelmed and burned out for years and like it just doesn’t stop#I’m just sad and tired and in a lot of pain and very done with everything#I feel like no one cares and I’m just a burden#I wish I could hibernate
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pochapal · 2 years
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be careful with your nonbinary slay lest you become nonbinary slayed
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harmcityherald · 5 months
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The turtles got their new food and they seem to be liking it well. They had been using the sandbox all night in and out so it looks like I will be building a much bigger sand unit onto their enclosure. My other tank got a very expensive cleaning last night for peppermint and foremost. I also was able to get them an air stone. I also bought anything to vacuum out their tank and so last night they got quite the cleaning which will be finished this morning. I was also able to get half of my cutting done in my garden yesterday so my garden is finally taking off as well. Hopefully today I can put it in a little more work and bring my garden a little bit closer to being started. Artemisia is very watchful that I don't overwork myself because sometimes I have a tendency to where my garden is concerned. So the coffee is made and I'm sitting outside and enjoying it right now other than the fact that all my dinosaur buddies are sitting here in a circle looking at me in the trees bullying me to give them more food but we of course has suspended operations because of the bird flu. Sorry little guys but I think I know better than you I can read the medical journals you can't. So until I feel like it's safe again you guys are on your own I hate to say that. I guess I will offset that by giving my inside buddies a little more attention than they've been getting. The little tank is looking a lot better. Foremost loves the air stone much more than peppermint does. I think our reading let us to the correct decision that the snail needs an AirStone and that is exactly what she got. I also scraped off the six masses of eggs that she laid around the top of the tank, luckily I don't have a female to fertilize them all or I would have a million snails like I'm afraid I'm going to have a million Turtles before it's all over with. I won't be able to release them in the wild if it actually happened but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. I love my critters and my critters love me.
I would add more tags but they only allow me a certain number so I should end it there. Or else I'll talk myself right into a bad mood. And that's not fair to my little buddies is it?
Mark my word, we are all going to live to see the day to read about that man doing something incredibly stupid. I'm not going to try to lay any future or philosophical View on what that could be. Trust me, he's a pedophile with an arsenal of ghost guns. And it's a situation that I'm too old to try to help and solve. My other two grandchildren the one being autistic and the other being transgender make me want to reach out and help them and yet the transgender child is under extreme brainwashing by him. One time he even told her that he would fuck the lesbianism right out of her, and for me that's not something that should ever come out of a father's lips to a daughter ever no matter what the situation is at all. And yet that same transgender child, under his pristine Direction, hates my very guts. The only one in the family who would actually call you by your real name and would refuse to use your dead name and yet I guess the fact is that Alan loves his father and any concessions that meat had makes for her must make her feel at least somewhat accepted. But because of the Meathead Saga I do not get to see those two sets of grandchildren anymore. Because I'm a deep state leftist, if you can actually believe that's a reason to hold your children back from someone. That's very sad to me I have seven grandchildren all together. It is only two that I get to react and deal with everyday living here with me and I'm so thankful of that. Many people would say it's a financial burden I should not subject to myself to. But I've always been a firm believer that you never throw kids to the wind ever. Especially not in this fucked up world the way it is now. If you throw your kids to the Wolves you're no better than a Spartan throw in your baby off the edge of a cliff. And that's not how I was ever taught that parenting was done. I have never raised a hand to a child ever not in my whole life. I've always gotten so much more from children when you talk to them and treat them like people the people that they no doubt are.
Anyway, Meatheads brand of ineffectual terrorism doesn't really scare me in any way. I have no idea why I'm really on this this morning. Perhaps the youngers are arguing last night reminded me of the tension in the house when Meathead was here pretty much destroying everything in his path. We're trying to destroy everything in his path which included me. I had six police officers and four doctors all together bum rushed me in the room to convince me that I needed to press charges. I told him if I pressed charge does that means I won't be able to get them out of my house and the only thing I want is for them to be out of my house like tomorrow so I didn't press charges against him, which I'm sure he walks around in his own little tiny house Castle now Vindicated somehow that the cops wouldn't touch him when really it was me that kept that from happening. Trust me if it had been any other situation I would have made sure he got every little bit of punishment he deserved for it but it was more important for me to clear this place out and have a nice calm place for my Artemisia and our wonderful youngers
#my turtle chronicles#my critters#turtles#fish#a snail#two kitty cats#and all my plants Aquatic and otherwise#gardening#spring has sprung in rannyland#Cthulhu is coming up I will show a picture of him later he is my Herald of spring and he is coming up and that makes the third year in a ro#Happy Coffee to all my little listeners and all My Little Critters are determined that it's going to be a good day#better just make sure you make artemisius coffee the right way#the youngers had a fight last night and it looks like one of them didn't come home so I'm a little worried about that#but I didn't like the way I heard my granddaughter being talked to and although she's upset today maybe it's for the better#he giving her a hard time for going out with her cousin while every time he goes out with his friends he ends up with a goddamn charge.#but I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a pop pop I'm there for her for whatever she needs#I love my grandkids more than life itself#them and my Artemisia make me so thankful to have been allowed to be part of their family and so grateful to get to be the grandfather#I think more parents should feel that way instead of feeling burdened or some idiots who like to run their house like a army base#we all remember the Meathead Saga don't we?#he is on the bus idiots who has to sit at the top of the dinner table everyday and make his children sit in front of him#like some idiot from a Twisted Sister video#there was no wonder he and I did not get along#not to mention he was trying to squat and steal my house and then he tried to take my life#somebody that's one family member I'm not to enamored of having#and I've also made it very very very clear that he is no longer welcome here and that I will have no more talks of that anything with him#I think that every family has at least one person in it who is under the completely wrong assumption that they are a master manipulator#everybody's got the narcissist#maybe yours is a parent mine was a middle-aged asshole who thought he was a parent and is still failing miserably at that fact#you know he actually convinced the state to pay him to stay at home to care for his autistic son which sounds really good on the outside
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