#this was stuck in my head all day and now im sharing my pain with you (:

[saphirepantsonfire]

just something about the juxtaposition between the arcobaleno pacifiers and the weight they carry.

how something thats supposed to be so innocent, something thats supposed to soothe a baby's pain when they're teething (or smtg lol, i dont want kids and never will :p); became something that "balances," "guides," the world.

its never explained why the pacifiers turn its holders infantile, most probably to lessen the strain of holding it (or even more probably because KHR started as a gag manga, and they needed a way to explain Reborn)

something that was meant to soothe, now serving as a physical reminder of what the arcobaleno were turned into. its almost a mockery, something so ironic that you cant help but laugh; it did soothe, yes, by lessening the strain. but when being the cause of such weight, well. thats when it become a mockery (:

idk. i just. i like the arcobaleno a lot. my writers brain only thinks of angst. and. yeah.

[missxwrites]

new beginnings - tom kazansky

tom 'iceman' kazansky x reader

Summary: Tom finds his pregnant wife in the heart of their shared home, the sight of her simply takes his breath away. Word count: 1,120+ Warnings: fluuuufffff, SERIOUSLY FLUFFY SOFT TOM, pregnancy, afab!reader (still working on gender neutral tone as best I can), assumptions about size (I play into the plus size side of things because I am plus size, but there's no direct mention), no use of y/n (just she/her pronouns) A/N: This is only rough edited by myself, I'm so sorry for any mistakes. (Im rusty as f*ck at fic writing) I've had this fic in my back pocket for months, please enjoy all the fluff. I'm head over heels for val kilmer as a person, and I'm well aware that the gif is not from Top Gun... this is however an aged up version of Commander Kazansky (;

Tom wasn't typically a man of many words, even after Top Gun and becoming a commander... He was still on track to becoming an admiral in a couple years and his stoic ice-cold exterior has carried him far in the Navy. No, there wasn't much that could get in his way now. 

Except for her.

She melted his every icy edge. Especially now that she's 7 months pregnant with his baby. The way she waddled around the sizable estate that he purchased the year they got married. It'd been nearly 7 years since that beautiful day, but Tom and his wife decided to focus on their separate careers before committing to living with little ones under foot. He was nearing his mid-to-late 30's now and with his career excelling, his mind constantly settled on imagining what her beautiful features would be like mixed with his. 

Would they get his ice-like stare or her warm bright irises that see right through to his soul? Would they get his pin straight hair that stuck up in all the wrong places or her beautiful, textured hair that fell beautifully in every light? 

His mind would run rampant every time he looked at her, his eyes never failing to trail up and down her whole figure. He would linger on her face, taking in how absolutely mesmerizing she was in the pregnancy glow before darting down to her ever-changing belly. It was very noticeable now, and the way she braced the underside of the bump softened his stare every time. Even through the literal growing pains of making a human, she looked ethereal. He subconsciously pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. Tom was fully convinced that she could never be more beautiful than she was in this exact moment. 

With a warm but soft chuckle under his breath, he stood slowly and made his way over to her. The book she'd been perusing at the kitchen counter happened to be a cookbook he got her for Christmas in the early years of their relationship. He'd assumed she must be craving something specific by the way she quickly flipped through the pages. He placed his hands over the tops of her shoulders, giving a gentle rub to the tense muscles in her shoulder blades and leaned in to kiss her neck. The smell of her conditioner and body wash from her shower this morning is almost intoxicating. His body was warm, causing her to lean back on his chest.

"You're absolutely radiant dear," Tom stated, a smile forming across his lips. "And absolutely distracting..." He hasn't been able to take his eyes off her since she entered the kitchen adjacent to the doors of his office. He'd been trying to get through some paperwork before finding her to ask what you might want for lunch as she graced her way into the heart of their shared home.

She was one of the only women that could ever truly take his breath away, though many tried. Even in a moment like this... with his wedding band heavy on her finger and growing the fruit of his love for her in her tummy, he still had to remind himself to breathe.

His large arms made their way down her body until they gently embraced her and her bump. He supported her belly gently, the same way the two had learned in the parenting classes Tom insisted on attending once she confirmed her pregnancy. The soft hum that escaped her throat told him that she needed this. Her eyes fluttered closed as he stood there, swaying gently with her in his arms.

“Blueberry.” Was the only thing that snapped the quiet of the moment between the two of them. Her words were soft in his ears. Tom raised an eyebrow in curiosity as he leaned forward to place his chin on her shoulder. The pages of the cookbook landed on a muffin recipe that had been dog-eared and made enough times to sport the stains of baking chaos. 

Another low chuckle reverberated through his chest. “Cravings?” Tom placed another gentle kiss on her neck as he slowly released his childbearing wife to turn to the refrigerator behind him. This recipe was one he was familiar with, having made it several times over the years. He grabbed out the bowl of blueberries, buttermilk, butter and eggs while his wife gathered the remaining dry ingredients. 

A quiet melodic sound filled the kitchen as Tom watched his wife pull up the large glass bowl from the cabinet. The smile spread across his face as he recognized their wedding song falling from her lips. “I wanna know what love is…”

Tom set the cold ingredients out on the counter, crossing the kitchen swiftly to pull her back into his arms. “I want you to show me…” He whispered to her, a hum parting his lips as he twirled her around slowly in the afternoon light of their kitchen. He mirrored her radiant smile as they slowly swayed together, her baby bump separating them a little more than usual but neither of them cared. 

After enjoying the embrace of her husband, Tom’s wife pushed him away gently as she resumed making the muffins lil’ kazansky was craving so badly. The blonde commander only laughed as he kissed her hand before parting their embrace. He too busied himself making muffins again wordlessly as he reached into the bottom drawer of the oven. Grabbing out the old muffin tin, he paused to preheat the oven as he lingered there for a moment.

Tom’s hand immediately found his wife’s lower back as he brought the tin over to the island countertop, using the other to place the white liners in each cup. A devious giggle caught his attention and before he could even blink, she’d managed to touch his nose with a flour-covered hand. His steely eyes closed suddenly as she swiped at his face, unable to hide the slow grin that parted his lips as he dipped his own hand into the bowl of flour. 

He laughed as he pulled her back from the counter slightly, his flour covered hand landing gently over the top of her baby bump. The white handprint was stark on her dark dress. The gasp that escaped from the woman in his arms only made him laugh harder as she rolled her eyes and shook her head at her husband’s antics. 

"What am I going to do with you, Thomas Kazansky? ” She said exasperatedly despite a smile growing on her face.

“Love me.” He said simply, his eyes gazing deeply into hers as he pulled her in close again. “And make muffins with me forever.” She laughed, her heart full, as she accepted his proposal.

[deusfoundry]

on bare and freckled skin — bakugo katsuki

summary. bakugo enjoys every kiss you share.

word count. 1.4k

tags. pro hero au. domestic fluff. kissing like a lot. insanely soft. not a lot of dialogue so um be warned ig.

warnings. allusions to sex but nothing too explicit. a tad cheesy but when are my fics not. might be a tiny bit ooc um ... i also didn't really know where i was going w this LMFAOAJKFH not proofread!!!

a/n. i started mha last week and now im obsessed w bakugo i feel insane .. please enjoy

•••••••••

Bakugo enjoys every kiss you share.

He adores the kisses you give him on his cheek.

The ones where you have to stand on your tip toes and he has to lean down, angling his cheek expectantly. Your lips land on his skin to give him a peck. The kiss is delicate and feather-like, as if all you did was brush over his cheeks with the strawberry waffles he cooked for breakfast and the coffee you brewed. He feels the smile on your lips and the way you breathe him in. Inhaling every inch until he's sure that all of him resides in you.

In your soul and under your care.

And it's what gives him the push he needs to head out. The reminder that there's something soft waiting for him after a day of hero-work.

But it leaves him craving for more. There's a fire that flickers over deep wanting, and he knows it can only be satiated by your lips on his.

So he enjoys the one that he gives you right after more. The one he steals from you when you're under the impression that he's already leaving. He doesn't know why you still yelp when he does it every morning without fail, but he swallows the sound and deepens the kiss nonetheless. 

His hand starts wide on your upper back, fingers splayed out as they slide down until they find purchase on your waist. He presses on your skin through the fabric of his shirt that hangs on your frame. The neckline settles on the edge of your shoulder. He knows you stole this one again, probably rummaged through his dresser last night. But he doesn't mind. Not when it'll always smell a little bit like you after you've worn it.

He pulls at the hem of the shirt just enough to slip his hand under the fabric. Your skin is like velvet under the rough pads of his fingers. Under palms hardened by years of training.

But his touch is only soft for you. Firm, yes, because his eagerness gets the better of him and he wants to feel all of you so badly, but never to the point of hurting you. Never enough to bring any pain.

He moves away from your lips, reluctantly, but lingers on the very edge where he plants a final kiss before he opens the door and goes to work.

He chuckles to himself at the state he's left you, mouth agape and ears burning red.

--

He finds that your kisses right when he walks through the door of your apartment is enough to wash away the exhaustion in his bones.

The ones where you rush to move from whatever it is you were working on the moment you hear the locks of the door being fumbled with.

For the most part, it's him catching you in his arms as you run right towards him. It's him pulling you into his warmth after you've been stuck alone for hours in the cold of your apartment. The weighted blanket Ochako gifted you just isn't enough, so he knows you're eager to get some real heat from your own personal furnace.

But on other days, it's like you just know. He doesn't have to utter a single word about the day he's had because you seem to just sense it by the time he sees you walking to your small foyer. He's a little worse for wear on days like these. His knees buckle with each step he takes, arms sore that he struggles to take his coat off and hang it inside the cabinet.

The pain settles so deep in his muscles that it weighs him down. 

He drowns, falls into the pain and fatigue.

And gladly, without a shred of hesitation, you pick him up every single time.

"Welcome home."

You take his hand in yours, knotting your fingers together. You smile with a certain shine that rivals the sun, and it eases him. It allows him to unwrap layers upon layers of himself until he's completely raw. Vulnerable and bare as the day he was brought into this world.

And this time, it's him who melts into your embrace. He lets himself be wrapped in your arms, as far as they could reach, and falls. Fast and hard that it's almost dizzying.

This time, he falls into you.

You place a hand on his cheek, thumb caressing his cheekbone and the new scar he's sporting. You inspect it with squinted eyes. For a moment, he thinks you might go on a rant about safety and getting—or at least, trying to—out of the field unscathed.

But you don't. Your lips are pursed in contemplation, still, so he's taken aback when you reach for his face.

You kiss him, fully on the lips.  

It's short and sweet, as everything usually is with you. But he knows that it serves as a promise of comfort that's soon to come. Of dinner on the floor of your living room. Of your full and undivided attention on him. Of nuzzling into the crook of your neck until his hair tickles you and you burst into a fit of giggles.

"You go and wash up, I made your favorite." You tap his chest twice, grinning like a child.

He watches your figure get smaller until you fully disappear into the kitchen, and he's left stunned.

--

He relishes in the ones you share in the comfort of your bedroom, away from the prying eyes of the world.

It's dark without the lights on and the curtains pulled shut. He's practically blind, but he can feel you. Your hands and the way they're grasping for whatever part of him you can grab. Your neck and how his lips seem to gravitate towards it.

He knows you're with him. And in turn, he knows he is safe.

Here, he is the furthest thing away from pro hero Dynamight. Here, he exists as nothing but Katsuki.

your Katsuki.

And the feeling is doubled down with you muttering his name between gasps and deep breaths. You say it directly to his ears. Repeatedly, like a mantra. Like Bakugo is some higher being and you are there to pray to his name.

Katsuki. Katsuki. Katsuki.

You say it until his name is the only thing you know, the only thought running though your muddled mess of a brain. You say it until bakugo truly feels it in the trenches of his bones. 

He is yours. And when he feels you planting a kiss on his collarbone—mumbling sweet, sweet praises on flushed skin, he knows, too, that you are his.

--

But most of all, he enjoys the ones you share in the early hours of the morning.

The ones where he wakes up and is greeted by your back facing him, bare and freckled and covered with scars. He slings an arm over your torso and pulls himself closer to you until his lips are but a hair away from your skin.

He starts at the back of your arm. Kissing up the narrow patch of skin that leads him to the hill of your shoulder where he pours most of his attention to.

To him, it feels like forever and a lifetime of keeping his focus on your back. Of exploring the vast stretch of skin. Of finding new freckles and moles, scars and birthmarks. Your body is a treasure trove, and what good is he if he doesn't take the time to worship you.

He doesn't pause his ministrations even when he feels you stir against him. You stretch, ever so slightly with how Bakugo is clinging to you, but it's still enough movement that you're pulled away from him.

"Quit movin'." he groans, chasing after your skin with his lips.

"Good morning to you too." your voice is hoarse, muffled by the sheets and pillows.

He lets out a low hum when you turn to face him.

Neither of you move for a moment. It's rare for Bakugo to find the time to do nothing with you. To have each other to hold and simply bask in each other's presence as sunlight slowly seeps through your curtains. Not when your day only starts once he's already on his way back from morning runs.

So he takes this in. The sight of you with your hair messy and lips chapped, looking at him with all the love you can hold in your two eyes.

He soaks it all in until he knows there's nothing else he could possibly want than this.

No other lips to kiss and body to hold. No other skin to devote himself to. No other person to love, than you.

•••••••••

a/n. lmfao can u tell i didn't know how to end this hkahsdas pls tell if the characterization is off or if this is too soft for bakugo ... likes and reblogs r highly appreciated! u can leave ur thoughts also on my asks hehe

[enmmyheavenscg]

GREETINGS !

Hello everyone, it’s been a while, no?

I’m sorry for the inactivity, but I have not been in the best mental state im afraid.

TW FOR SUI MENTION, CHILD ABUSE [neglect, physical & emotional] , SH, HOSPITALIZATION, HEART ATTACKS & INCEST

Now through out the entire month of June, my mental health has gone downhill. I have shared this a couple times, yes but- I have not shared the full story.

On June 1st, my brother had recently gotten out of the hospital, during the time I had been living with my grandma. My grandma is absolutely horrible- she does nothing but make comments about me aswell as make me uncomfortable.

when my brother had gotten out and I was recently back home, all the attention had been on him- usually, I wouldn’t care and that would make the most sense, Yes but- to completely ignore your own kid- me. It’s the whole family that’s been ignoring me overall, which I don’t even care, it’s been like this my entire life and I hate it.

My mothers behavior hadn’t changed, she had even gotten worst, she’d raise her hand and hurt me- she does not understand how her actions affect me, and after she physically lays her hands on me she acts as if nothing had happened and that everything was normal. Her comments about my body, my health- my everything affects me and she finds it oh so ‘hilarious’ I’ve tried to tell her how I feel and she’s laughed in my face before- I hate this family in everyway.

The worst thing that had happened was when I happened to have a heart attack in call- and she brushed it off like it was nothing- we had also just recently been driving back from the hospital because my brothers stomach was hurting- wow because a kid having a heart attack is less important than a stomach ache-

I don’t mean to be selfish im just ? Angry with her, Angry with the whole world. My body is always in pain yet nobody could ever care, im always suffering . I’ve tried to end it 3 separate times and failed, I’ve relapsed multiple times aswell. I’ve been little so often it makes me feel guilty, Yes I know I’ve said before- ‘there is no such thing as being too little’ but I genuinely want to be big for once- I’ve had to mask being big multiple times and I just hate it, i wanna be a little kid. I want my childhood back. I want my old happy self back, nobody understands me- I don’t even understand me, dude.

June 25th- my brother had been in the hospital again during this time. He’s currently on the day Im writing this (July 10th) out of the hospital! He had been since July 1st. He had been in the hospital for a while during this time but- on June 25th I was heading to my cousins house, Finally. As much as I had fun there I was also extremely

Like- EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

My cousins were there- my cousin who forced me into a relationship with her, made me do uncomfortable things with her was there.. and so was my younger cousin, my younger cousin who would touch me in places I asked her not to, unlike the older cousin, I had genuinely told my mother that my cousin was touching me in places I didn’t want. My mother didn’t believe me, she used to be like ‘oh she’s just a child, she doesn’t know better’ which was just disgusting.

June was just. Absolutely horrible, if I had the chance once again, Id truly end it all. It’s not fair, why does everyone hhab it good but not mme I deserve to be happy, Don’t I?

I’d truly start a fundraiser for myself so I could leave this house but, im stuck here. There is no way in hell I could possibly leave- perhaps when im 18, I’ll have the chance to.

But but- this whole post isn’t about me pitying myself, it is about me taking a break.

I will be going on break Yes, I’ll mostly be on in discord, just won’t be speaking to people much, if you decide to check up on me in discord I’ll probably reply, apologies if not.

I wont be away for long as much as I’ve gone through a lot, I’ll probably take a couple days

I mite take like .. 5 days (on discord and all my social media..) and be back. PLEASE. Please try and reblog this if you can.

Remember to stay safe everyone and that i love you all !

This is Emmy signing off ! Bye bye ! 🩵

[dude-the-ancient-dragon]

Ok so I have been persuaded to finally share

The Poop Story

on Tumblr dot com. Hold on to your butts.

Ok so I was at work on site A. I get a call, there's an equipment failure on site B and I need to check it out, it's important but not urgent. By this time I was the whole IT department for a major food company for the whole city.

So, I get my stuff ready and start heading out. And then It hits: The twist. Everyone knows the twist, it's your lower intestines letting you know there's a bullet in the chamber that it needs to fire. But im in a Hurry, so I decide to just make the fifteen minute drive and drop the payload on site b.

This was a mistake.

Halfway into the drive the twist hits again, and it's Bad, I need to go now . It is by this moment that I understand that this is no normal bomb, by lower intestine is baking a loaf of pure evil. Im getting the twists, the hot sweats. Five minutes more and im exerting considerable force not to dirty my car.

My folly hits me, I should have gone to the toilet back on base. Im driving into site Bs parking lot and im crossing my legs and tightening my abdomen, so I don't explode right there and end my social and work life forever.

See, because I worked in an industrial setting, there were strict protocols to enter the site. The security personel knew me by name and face, but they still could not let me in without authorization from the warehouse boss, and today of all days that asshole is not answering his phone.

So im exerting all of my physical and mental power not to shit myself there, covered in cold sweats and shaking. "He's not answering, let me try again Dude" says the guard. My Ki is focused on my sphincter, im non verbal, all I can manage is a weak thumbs up, my forehead nearly making a hole on the concrete building. They could probably tell something was deeply wrong with me but I was beyond the capacity to notice or care, im fighting my own battle and boy I am loosing.

A couple of minutes of waiting and the sense of impending doom hits me. "Im gonna have a butt baby" I said to myself. "Im gonna give birth to a butt baby in this guardhouse and there is no human power in the world that can stop it. I am dead, Im walking and shaking but I am dead."

And that's when the man answers. Yes Im allowed in obviously. I don't wait for confirmation, I sprint inside, race to the bathroom knocking over man and beast aside, sit down on the throne with a fraction of a second to spare.

You know how when you go to the toilet, you do your thing and you feel satisfied? Good? At peace? It wasn't one of those. It felt like I was exicising a tumor, like I was giving birth to the antocrist. I carved my name on the porcelain with my fingernails. When it ended I was in pain and crying, It was out, now the healing can begin. All I need is to flush.

And it wouldn't flush. I start to panic. It won't flush. I dumped a biohazardous lump of hate, It needs to go before it kills us all. I try washing my hands, there is no water. I recite the mantra of a thousand fucks. This will kill the whole building.

Thinking fast, I do the only thing I can think of, rapidly improvise an "out of order sign", stealthily tape it to the toilet door and pretend nothing happened. On my way to the failed hardware (I was there to work after all) I find Charkoe, the head of maintenance.

"Hey Charlie, since when is the water out?" I ask in my most casual of tones. I did not mention it was me who essentially made the entirety of this postal code unlivable for the next decade..

"Since today, in the morning, should be back in the afternoon" He does not suspect a thing. I need to leave right now. So yeah, I fix the printer (label stuck in the roller, simple) and flee with both stealth and haste. Before making it out I notice, to my horror, the cleaning people where going into the restroom I had marked and immediately ran out, gagging.

I was not back there for the rest of the month.

[sweeteastart]

I know the titles sound profound and all, but there is also soup and now I wanna know about soup !

But also, Drawing circles intrigues me a lot !!

Ohhhh I put off responding to this ask for so long sorry i got really shy and got stuck in my head for a moment--

MORE IMPORTANTLY IM BACK

First of all !! Have some more Soup content !! 🍲

Soup

I still don't have any good writing for the boy but have a WIP oh him beint absolutely gorgeous as always. I already hear you say : who's that kid in his arms ? Welllll

THAT'S HIS DAUGHTER, LILA :D

Surprise ! Soup has a three year old daughter when he meets the Chain when he's 25 years old. I don't want to reveal quite yet who's the mother. What I'm gonna say is : Soup had an arranged marriage with some nobility in his very early twenties and had Lila soon after.

Currently, she isn't residing with either of her parents as Hyrule (the capital and the country) is dangerous for her to stay in. The kid lives with close friends of Soup from his adventurous years and he visits her as much as he can :D

Drawing Circles

The first writing centric WIP I was asked about ! I'm literally so excited but deathly afraid of sharing my writing in any capacity so be nice to me that's also the very first draft of one scene I'm sorry

!DISCLAIMER!

The TW in hashtags are about this fic !! Beware of that before reading that snippet please.

To put some context around that tid bit : The story revolved around a time loop where only Sky remembers the previous loops. In each one, an unknown entity seemed to pull the string and kill the chain one by one in a predefined pattern. Each time Sky is killed, he comes back to square one. By the time of this snippet, he has seen and experienced very nasty moments which is why mentally he isn't coping well !!

TLDR : Sky is getting his shit wrecked in a time loop where he sees and is killed again and again :)) (I love writing gut wrenching angst I'm sorry--)

Here comes nothing~

"The first sense he regained was always the same. Touch. The hero felt the rugged linen of his bedroll under his fingertips.

Second was smell. The deep scent of burning wood tinged his nose.

Third was hearing. Only the quiet songs of insects broke the all encompassing silence of the woods.

Fourth was taste. The lingering taste of blood and sour potion spread across his taste bud.

That… wasn’t normal.

He suddenly opened his eyes. Only a sky full to the brim with stars and trees shadows responded by its calm infinity to the man. Moved by a sudden surge of energy, he stood up straight as an arrow in his bed. Eyes still glued to the enigma that was the ink black sky.

It was night. The moon was smirking high in the sky but…. It never did before. It had always been day. Dawn. Five in the morning exactly. Always the same day at the exact same time.

His eyes fell back. Lost in a sea of confusion, the chosen one took a long time before understanding what was before him. Drenched in deep shadows was the campfire and…. all his brothers. Sitting. Here. Seemingly startled in the middle of a discussion. All his brothers.

He looked at Hyrule. The brown haired kid looked back at him with a weak smile. Just after this action he averted his eyes. Away from him. Straight to the dirt. Then the hero of the Sky saw a glint reflecting the light of the fire. Steel against the dark.

Immediately Sky looked around him in search of his own sword.

“Whoah ! Whoah !” tried Warriors with a rushed sword. Strangely his tone was soft yet worried. A worry Sky had never been on the receiving end of. “Don’t move so much ! Your wound might re-open !”

….. Wound ?

That’s only then he truly felt the burning, tremendous amount of pain his neck was in. It felt like a bag of bricks fell down on his shoulders. He slouched forwards, hands holding his neck.

Sky didn’t go back to day 1. Fi was nowhere near him. The sky was this treacherous black hue. Eyes glued to the grass enveloped in harsh shadows, he stayed dead silent.

He had been…. saved ?

“... Sky ?” The old man called to him. The chosen one didn't even register the word nor that he was the one it directed to.

He smiled. His brothers had saved him. His smile widened even more. They must have done everything in their power to bring him back. A snicker rolled higher and higher in his throat. Despite their efforts to save him, someone had taken hold of Fi. By now, a distorted, devoid of happiness, small laugh was breaching his lips. Twilight must have seen it. Tonitruous, painful fit of laughter took hold of all his body.

Oh… Kind and helpful brothers of his… who ended up afflicting such a tragic agony to the one they wanted to protect.

“Sky…”

A voice.

A voice was calling his name. He didn’t listen. He couldn’t listen. He was past comprehension and rationality. He couldn’t process anything else but unbound kindness and painful ignorance. Neither of which he could truly be mad at. So he clawned at the dirt by his bedroll. Like it had wronged him. Like it was the all encompassing reason for his pain. Like it was at fault for this endless hellish loop.

And he laughed. Laughed a deeply unhappy laugh. He did so with so much resolve. So much perseverance because for weeks he hadn’t been able to. Because after weeks of this never ending hell, there was no end in sight. A hell in which, even the sweet release of death was refused to him.

Arms held him away from battered and beating dirt that had the unluckiness of being by his side. A high-pitched noise escaped his mouth. He saw without seeing multiple people around him. Shapes and shadows stretching from the dim light of the campfire to the abyss of the night.

“I can’t do it anymore…” he croaked in between two giggles. By now it could barely be described as such. Maybe sobs would have been closer to the truth. Even then, it sounded barely human. Eternally doomed and animalistic. Hands cupped his face. Big and rugged. Heavy too. His eyes searched too long before falling on one single blue iris looking back to him. Not only worried. Scared. Panicked…. Knowing of a truth even he didn’t. Soon he saw his lips. They were moving but making no sounds. Or….were they ? Was it the lips that didn’t produce sounds or he who couldn’t hear them.

The fingers of the hands around his cheeks tensed. And he knew. Something in him knew it had been the latter. So he tried to concentrate. Over the physical and mental anguish and devastation of a failed restart.

“...ky…” he half-guessed, half-heard. “Foc… us … Me.”

Focus.

Focus me.

Focus on me.

And he did. He tried. His mind was a bottomless lake he couldn’t swim back up from. It was trying to drag him down. Down into the depths. He fought the grief. He fought off the need to close back his eyes and forget all about it.

“.. Me. “ it was pressing. “Please focus… Sky.” more words stuck to his brain. He needed time to understand them but they were starting to make sense."

AND THATS ALL I GOT FOR NOW-- That little bit of text made me soooo anxious for days but it's not as awful as I remember--

I got so worked up for not much lmao I hope you weren't too jumpscared by the angst my dear friend lmao I've had the idea for this fic for quite some times so I'm happy to share it

Thanks for the ask ♪♪♪♪

[kedsandtubesocks]

omg !! your mando!baku thoughts i'm—

living for this au ! 🥺 so cute and such opportunities for angst 👀 drama 👀 forbidden romance 👀 pining !! i yearn for him goodbye akfhsidbbw

ty for sharing !! just wanted to stop by and say that i am in love with this concept 🥺

okay not even joking this literally is me right now because the absolute talent behind one of the best bakugo works and you take me the way I am messages ME?!

(also so ok I’m a big reader on ao3 especially for bnha fic so at first it didn’t hit me that you wrote it and then for a split second I was like “wait why does their name sound familiar- OH MY GOD??” So FORGIVE ME IM SORRY!!)

But lovely Willow oh my goodness… I really can’t explain how bright my entire being feels seeing your message I can’t thank you enough for dropping in to send something because I am just 🥹 and probably will be like all day

But yes TEAM MANDO BAKU!! AHHHHH 😭 he really does fit the role so well doesn’t he? Our chaotic angel queen @ofmermaidstories mentioned him with a certain green baby and my brain malfunctioned because he’d be such a sucker for foundlings

And okay…Honestly 👀 depending on how the current season of the mandalorian ends I might just take the jump and write him to deal with the pain™️ LMAO

For now I knew I had to leave you with something because you are as sweet as can be and i wish I could put into words and explain how much your message means to me so this will have to do, thank you 💐

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

The two of you would be stuck in the cave for a while.

“What happened to your damn shitty sorcerer powers huh? Can’t you move the dumb rocks?” Bakugo’s snarled modulated voice cuts through your thoughts and you sigh exhausted already.

You knew about his list of accolades.

One of the strongest mandalorain clan leaders that helped liberate their home planet of Mandalore. A war hero notorious for using not just a jet pack but also specially crafted beskar gauntlets that helped him fire cannon like explosions from his fists. He’s a smart strategist and commander, has earned the respect of the Jedi council for willing to work with your kind.

But he makes you want to pound on his metal helmet head with your lightsaber until it knocks some sense into him.

“It’s sometimes not as simple as moving rocks. I have to save my energy just in case those troopers come back.” You reply sharply. “Besides we both sent out distress signals, someone will come. We just have to wait.”

“Maybe you just can’t move the rocks.” It’s said so casually as Bakugo tries to survey the blocked off exit. The most childish thought rises in you to use his metal body to dig out of the rocks like an awful shovel.

So you breathe- inhale, exhale.

Thankfully the caverns glow from the tiny insects living in the rocks. It’s enough light that you can rummage through the ration packs in your bag.

“Come on,” you offer. “We need to eat something.”

“No.” Bakugo replies gruff. “We could be here a while. Can’t eat all that now.”

He’s right. You’re not telling him that of course. So instead you set your pack back down, close your eyes and try to mediate. But his awfully loud boots stomping around, crunching on every possible rock, makes your face scrunch frustrated. You try to plug up the annoyance leaking in fast.

“Relax.” You say to him or mainly to yourself.

Bakugo scoffs. Your eyes peak open to possibly glare at him. But his back is to you. The obsidian coated beskar he proudly wears is something striking. You even admire the beauty. You also notice you’ve been admiring his broad shoulders that seem to be even broader now with his hands on his hips. You shut your eyes fast.

You’re a knight. You’ve fought wars, survived training to become carved into a harbor of good and peace. You are a lightening rod for the force. You can’t falter, can’t waver.

Your stomach suddenly growls so loud that your eyes snap open horrified.

Bakugo’s helmed face even whips towards you.

“Was that your stomach? Are you part rancor or something because I had my damn suspicions…”

You almost scream at him. You think the force itself might be giggle behind your back.

Embarrassment chokes your mind as you sputter to even think of something. Until the warrior sighs. Bakugo pulls something from one of the pouches attached to his belt.

More ration packs.

“Don’t eat ‘em all.”

You glare hard at him. He knew you had your own. But, you offer him a quiet thanks. As you munch on the bland protein cube you realize-

“You need to eat too.” You tell the warrior.

A moment passes.

“I’ll be fine.” A fast simple reply from him.

“You said it yourself, we don’t know how long we’ll be in here so you need to eat something.”

“And I’ll cross that fucking bridge when if we get there.”

As if the force itself decided to give you a respite, his stomach growls even louder than yours.

It childish and comedic and you can’t even believe the timing. You can’t help it. You bust out laughing. It’s moments like this that remind you this grouchy feral lothcat of a man is in fact someone true and human beneath the helmet. (Or at least you believe he’s human. Your mind wanders about what he looks like beneath the helmet more than you ever will admit out loud.)

“Eat you idiot!” You laugh but a part of you is already terrified that you momentarily just sounded like him.

Something shifts in the air though, faint but heavy enough to notice. Bakugo goes quiet and everything stills alongside him.

“I can’t. Not yet…not here at least.” Oh.

The helmet.

“Look,” you begin solemn, composed. “I swear on my honor as a Jedi Knight you can trust me-“

“Like hell-” he snaps interrupting you first

“Fine!” But you fire back just as fast interjecting. “Starve I guess!”

The words are sharp. You even hate the taste of them, a poisonous bile still lingering in your mouth. Regret already floods you, a wild drowning current. If the council had heard you they would have been disappointed. You’re disappointed in you. You need to be calm, leveled headed. But you know you’re frustrated, tired and…and you hate the strange feeling that’s been crawling on your skin, growing a festering heat, ever since you met this damn menace. So you sigh, defeated and small.

“I’m sorry. Your creed is important, I understand that and I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

He doesn’t reply, doesn’t say a word. The silence, his silence, you discover is actually worse than any of his worst outbursts.

So you break the thick tensioned soaked air first.

“…if it helps… I have an idea.”

You move to the ground close to him. Then sit down turning your back to him.

“We sit back to back. You’ll sense me moving if I try to turn around, which I promise I won’t. But this way you can eat, even have some water and we can just…just rest.”

You can’t see his eyes even as you stare earnest and even a bit exhausted at him. The mandalorian warrior sighs.

“Fucking fine…but if you dare move I’m setting you on fire.”

“Fair enough.”

The moment Bakugo moves, settles against you back to back, your heart jumps an dizzying spin worthy of a star fighter.

You have never been this close to him, ever.

You’re surprised he actually settled fully pressed against you. His back is solid. The beskar armor is not as cold as you believed it to be, even through your robes. The flickering thought of the differences between your form and his makes your throat get tight as you swallow back something clogging your throat.

A gentle hiss of a noise comes. It gently cracks the air and out of instinct, out of panic, you close your eyes.

In and out, you steady your breathing, focus your thoughts to be mindful of the force. However, even as hard as you try, you wonder so deeply about what he looks like.

“Thanks…ya damn shitty Jedi.”

Then his voice, Bakugo’s actual voice unmodulated, clear and even more rough than you imagined, floats in the air. It gets snagged in your heart.

You squeeze your closed eyes tighter.

During the trials to become a knight, your mentors explained repeatedly that the oath, this path, would be difficult. The temptations would be many and they would be strong. You were taught so many ways to fight and be victorious. But you now fear how hard it might be to fight against the temptation growing in you. Because how are you to win against a warrior considered one of the greatest in the galaxy…

Because you realize slowly, then all at once-

Why did you not just offer to close your eyes? Why was your first instinct to offer sitting as close to him as you could?

[cosmereplay]

Day 24: Plagued by the horrors

Rated Teen, Venli/Radiant, RoW spoilers Cross posted on ao3

Shallan woke to a scream that quickly cut off. Groggily, she wondered if Jushu had found a cremling in his bed again.

A feminine voice whispered in a musical foreign language, her voice strained by some tense emotion.

The sound brought Shallan to instant, painful wakefulness.

She sat up, and the world spun. She tried to swallow, but her throat was dry. Her tongue was stuck to the top of her mouth. Shallan tried to look at who was beside her, but the morning light shining into her room stabbed her eyes like daggers. She covered her face, trying to solve the mystery by recollecting her memories. Just by the hangover, she already knew this was Veil’s fault.

The form beside her stilled in a way that reminded Shallan of fear. She peeked through her fingers to find a singer woman naked in bed with her, her red eyes open wide and the covers pulled up to her chest. Storms, was she a Fused? She was gigantic, tall and slender, with delicate plates of violet carapace strategically placed over her body. Her skin had white and red marbling, with a sliver of black peeking around the side of her neck. Her hair was a mess.

What did you get us into, Veil? Thanks for the horrific hangover, by the way. You couldn’t have burned any of it off?

Veil emerged slowly, sharing Shallan's hangover. I don’t know! Are we in your room? she asked. Last I remember we were at the winehouse…

Her brain worked as slowly as a chull, but soon a vague memory emerged. It was Shallan’s rest night, so Veil had gone to Jez’s duty to win some spheres. She’d been pulled away by Adolin, who had asked for her help to…host?...an envoy of some sort? 

“Come on, Veil, you can drink the most expensive wine in the house,” Adolin had said with an air of desperation. 

She remembered…a much nicer winehouse. She’d definitely had at least a bottle and a half of the nicest stuff. She’d been introduced to…what was her name? Voice? That couldn’t be right…they had not gotten along at all. Veil had managed to piss her off, and…

“Who are you?” the Voice said in Alethi. “Are you a mavset-im? Who was that just now?” 

“We…I mean, I’m a Lightweaver,” Veil said, squinting against the light. “Uh, don’t worry about it. Do you remember me?”

The listener woman nodded, then made a musical growl as she held her head. “You got into a fight with me about the reliability of oral traditions. I…may have had a bit to drink by then. But then you left and another woman showed up. She was strikingly colourful, I mean, for a human. She said she’d take me somewhere more private…and then…”

Voice’s words trailed off into worried humming, and she stared off into space.

“Do you know where she is?” Voice asked quietly. "She had yellow hair."

Uh, Radiant? Veil said inwardly with a growing grin. Did you get us into this mess? Please don’t leave me alone with your new girlfriend. I’ll probably ruin your courtship. Storms, what a choice…the most opinionated person I've ever met.

Radiant groaned internally. I…may not have made the most honourable choices last night…

Well get back on Honor’s path, Radiant! We need to get our story straight before Adolin finds out what happened. 

Radiant wanted to argue with that, but found she didn’t have the energy. Besides, this was her mistake and her responsibility. She took over, and took no small joy in seeing the way Venli’s humming changed when she saw her.

“Thank the Rider of the Storms!” Venli said. “I may have gotten way too drunk, but I didn’t think I’d gotten that drunk.”

Hey! Veil and Shallan thought in simultaneous offense.

Radiant shushed them, then turned her focus to Venli. “I do apologize for how you woke up today,” she said sincerely. “I invited you back to my rooms so that the other people would stop staring. And so you could have a seat that wasn’t entirely too small. I didn’t mean for…”

Memories of movements and sensations rose to her mind. The pleasant hum of their conversation. Radiant moving closer so she could feel the Rhythms Venli was making. Venli’s smile as she leaned down to indulge Radiant in an experimental kiss.

The way she tasted…the way their bodies seemed to fit together…the smell of her skin, like warm earth after a rain…

Radiant coughed nervously. “Well, I mean I enjoyed what we did. I just didn’t mean to dishonour you. I don’t know how coupling works among listeners. I hope I didn’t overstep or hurt you in any way.”

The listener’s posture relaxed. “According to Abronai, mates are decided by mutual agreement, so we wouldn’t be mates or even once-mates unless we both agreed. I’m sure Eshonai would have decreed us once-mates though.” She rested her chin on her fist, looking away into the distance with a mournful rhythm. 

Radiant waited, anxious but also wanting to give her enough time to think.

Eventually, Venli looked over, tilting her head a little, and hummed curiously. “I like you,” she said, and gave her a feral grin. “Even if you are human.”

Radiant’s heart fluttered. A little blue leaf flew up beside her, and she smiled. 

“Rlain is going to blow a storm over me about this, but I think it’ll be worth it, if you want to try.” Venli took Radiant’s hand and turned it over, inspecting it. “You remind me a little of Leshwi, and a little of Eshonai. You’re honourable. I need someone like that in my life, besides Timbre. But something else I like about you? You’re not against breaking the rules from time to time. I need that too. Someone with balance. And...and I have to admit, kissing you feels really meaningful in envoyform. Like you're speaking to me with emotions. It feels amazing...to be wanted.”

Radiant had never been described that way before, and she thought it sounded nice. She’d been accused of being too much of a stick-in-the-crem. Maybe Venli brought out a new side of her. Venli wasn’t perfect, but it didn't bother Radiant as much as it usually did. It made her feel like it might be okay if she wasn’t the most perfect radiant. Getting drunk on the job was only the beginning.

It was a little scary, and more exciting. She grasped Venli’s hand and tried to match the tone of her humming. “I like you too. You have strong opinions and you don’t care who knows it. You’re not afraid to take up space. You make me feel…more real.”

She reached inside. Is this okay?

We’ll have to talk things over with Adolin, but you’re your own person, Radiant. This could be good for you.

Kiss her already!

Radiant looked up at Venli and touched her cheek.

“You are real, right?” Venli asked suddenly, covering Radiant’s hand with hers.

Storms, she really wasn’t the perfect woman, was she? 

“Of course I’m real,” Radiant scolded, and shut her up with a kiss.

[iamaslutforcoffee]

4819 Cherry Lane

Chapter Seven. (EXTREMELY SHORT!)

Sage fucking Delaney.

Ever since she took up for Max and Billy, she's all that he could think about. She's all he dreamed about. Not California, not how his life used to be, not even his mom. Just Sage. No one ever took up for him like that, and it intrigued him and made him question why she even did in the first place. What was her motive? What was the reason?

Billy's POV

I slowly braced myself against the window of my own room facing hers, my nails digging into the faded wood.

Why must this girl have this kind of fucking effect on me? I mean seriously, I'm Billy fucking Hargrove. I've been here two months, fucked alot and alot of people want to be me.

But instead, im focused on her.

She sat down on her balcony chair, sunglasses perched. Cigarette already lit and pup stuck by her side. Ever since Max and I walked in on her defending us to Neil and Susan she hasn't been at school, hasn't really been around.

I took my attention away from the window and just focused on packing. After the whole ordeal, Neil got into her face and while her dad was holding his own I felt strongly to protect her.

As expected, I was kicked out that night and was told to pack my shit and go.

"You know, just because we now share the same address doesn't mean you get to be my pain in the ass all damn day, Hargrove. " I heard her say loudly. I turned around to peer out the window again.

"You'd love it, sweetheart. " I responded, smirking at her. Her eyebrow raised and she flipped me off.

"Oh, I think you'd love it more just knowing you'll be living under the same roof as me." She responded, inhaling the smoke and blowing it out.

"Id love more than just that " I thought to myself.

That's when it hit me.

I fucking loved her.

The look on her face as her smile curled upwards was melting my heart. I shook my head and finished up packing.

This was a gonna be a long fucking night..

[graydaynightshade]

Five Windows

Five Windows

Five Windows, four rooms, three doors, and two eyesores

I have it all, why want for more?

Gaze at what I’ve brought unto myself

Items of status, high tickets at a store 

Grandeur surrounds me, ceilings to floors

Adorned in beauty while outside it pours

Angels crying from above, tears staining these grounds

Their mournful wails crackling across clouds, these sounds

Creatures of filth and dirt rise to the surface top

Summoned from below to above, unable to stop

I see these worms and beings of the dirt

Dare I house them in my hands so I can flirt

Flirt with the idea of me being better than they

Simply because I can last till another day

What are their worries, what must they all do

Stuck in the dirt, but freer than me or you 

From a worm to a bird, a fish to a bee

Rain or shine, this life abounds around me 

What is their drive, from day to day

What would they tell me, if they could say

A room without lights, I lay across the floor

Surrounded by objects, high tickets at the store

Im worth it all, I must have some value

But I don’t think I have any; what about you?

Do you hold true what it is that is you?

Who you wish to be, what calls to you?

What are your interests and fantasies?

Would you tell me if I kindly said please?

How would you describe what’s on your mind?

Would you say it’s all well, or are you in a bind?

The details of it all, if you would be so kind 

Because someone like me needs a remind 

To bring me back to a long forgotten time 

A time where I could share who I was

Where I could express myself just because

There was no real reason or meaning to speak

I simply enjoyed life to the highest points of its peak 

And when I look out of the windows in my room

I saw light and happiness instead of grayness in bloom

Now the days are marked as a schedule and a list 

Work all day and night, my mind lost in a mist

Foggy and gray, unable to even see my own wrist 

Stressed and anxious, lost in my own mind

Trapped by myself, chained up all the time 

I still have fun, it is not all gloom and doom 

Many colorful lights dance amongst my room

Friends come and stay for a night and a day

I do have some control and I do have some say 

But you all do not know of the fear I keep at bay Some say it is fear of a person or a group As the terror of an armed terrorist group

Perhaps the past of lovers gone by

And the ways those men and women made me cry

Perhaps its the bullying across time and space

Those youthful years all reduced to a waste

Maybe the failures coupled with total defeat

Causing my head to sink and gaze at my feet

But it is more than those things stated above

More than bullying, loss and unrequited love 

But the inability to exist fully as a human, you see

Unable to fully exist and act as you all do to me

Imagine fear gripping you at your neck 

Because I like a certain card in a deck

Imagine a shiver traveling up your spine

Because you enjoyed something in your prime

Imagine total fear at indulging in anything in life

Because it will only lead to feelings of pain and strife

A show you like, lets start there, and then we can compare

The thoughts and feelings that make me pull out my hair 

Something catches you eye, creates a glimmer and smile

Those good feelings will perhaps stay a while

You show what you like to those nearest to you 

Hoping maybe it will lead to something you can do

But instead of getting that kind and fear shake 

You are filled with fear as if face to face with a snake 

What you like is stupid, its mocked and it is weird 

Why do you like it? Its all so odd and so queer

Keep it to yourself, don’t show it to others or to them 

Don’t you dare make mention of it, even on a whim 

Those passions you like, such as my love to hike 

Are ruined and tarnished, happiness replaced with spite

Across years and across time, everything you like is a crime

Don’t you dare show yourself, you’ll hide it better this time 

From music to dress, to appearance and a video game

Imagine all are met with scorn, mocking and abject shame 

Feel bad for who you are, feel shame for all that you like

Because who you are simply just is not right 

Now imagine this happened, all day and all night 

Even speaking a word will give you massive fright 

Shoved into bathrooms and forced to see pain 

Held down on a bed while someone is raped in shame 

Chased into a bathroom and mocked all around

You’re the laughing stock of the entire town 

It does not matter where you go or what you say

You are not welcome here, so go away

Those things you like, those things that call to you 

They’re all wrong, so what are you even to do

Day by day, you are mocked by the fact of your life

Eventually, your find escape and solace in a cold, hard knife 

Your friends and you loves, your likes and your joys

Harm yourself for even liking such simple things and toys

Nobody else like what you did, you weren’t accepted at all

A lifetime of shame and of you taking the fall

You cannot even speak, for it makes you a creep

So hide behind the corner, don’t even take a peak

At what humans are doing and experiencing with their lives

You aren’t one of them, never of husbands or wives 

Your experiences are marked by feelings of pain and shame 

And it happens like clockwork, again and again 

Eventually your eyes sink, and your heart grows heavy

You don’t even care if your life goes smooth and steady

Down to the things you wish to eat, with happiness you shall not greet

Only with pain and scorn do you stay, the only companion with your day

Who you are and what you like is not right 

Time and time again, you aren’t shown the light 

Countless tears and years of sorrow

Working as a robot just to make it to tomorrow 

All that you are, all that you like 

Is met with an angry disapproving strike 

And as life goes on, you being treated as wrong 

Who you are slips away until it is fully gone

Then as hell comes to torture all who sin

Demons have come to show me that I will never win

What I once loved, what I once held dear

All my work, given up, all gone and clear

Look at all around you who stand here now

Prepare to give up your life and give them a bow

For all that you were mocked for, scolded and hated 

Everyone else now likes, but it is never held abated

What you loved and needed, denied through and through

Is now loved and accepted in those around you

What you could have been fostered in others you see

Why, oh why god, was that not to be me?

When I indulged in the same as you 

I was allowed no enjoyment, through and through

Called a loser and a demon from all around me

Yet you are accepted with smiles and glee

Imagine a lifetime of this double choice

Imagine you were denied a simple voice

Can you understand the pain that grows 

And how it creates indescribable woes 

Why was all that I am mocked and abated 

Why must I now feel completely devastated 

Do you now perhaps understand 

Why I feel that I am of a foreign land

Not one of you who walks amongst this day

But of a pathetic swine with nothing to say

For who I was was denounced and forgotten

Yet for you all, it is accepted and locked in

For a community you have that surrounds you whole 

Yet amongst you all I still feel as a lonely soul

Retreating from the world, ive lost who I am

What I once held near and dear, its now a sham

My hopes and dreams, my likes and loves 

Killed and decayed, blood splattered on an innocent dove 

My throat locks up, unable to speak a word

Instead I wish to fly away, free as a bird

I wish to be far from you all, in a land of my own

Hidden amongst forgotten lands of moss and stone 

Maybe there my soul can finally repair 

Maybe there I will lose my thousand yard stare 

Perhaps a stable sense of self will finally arise

An identity that does not lead me to shake and cry

I ask again, tell me now, do you see

How these shackles truly trap me

To speak a word of what you like

Being met with knifes ready to strike

And don’t you dare stand up for who you are

You won’t last long, you won’t get far

You never built a spine, you never hit your stride

Because nobody was ever really on your side

Your hopes and dreams were crushed around you

Leaving you in your misery to sit and coldly stew

Time and time again, I ask you to ruminate 

About what this does if you cannot escape 

Fear abounds no matter what is said

For so many look at me as if I should be dead

In my head, I believe that is what said

In my head, that is exactly what I have read

Convincing me otherwise is a fools chore 

For I truly feel unable to indulge in what I adore

Do not ask me about what I like

Do not define me in any sort of light 

I am not here in the way you are

I am as a star, shining bright from afar

Cold and dying in a universe black and cold

Long ago to the devil perhaps my soul was sold

But with no signs of me having any gain

I simply sit and stew in my pain

My spine was never built, but my fear is forever

Even when I hid behind a scowl and leather

For years people saw me and they laughed

All that I was was mocked and trashed

So a being of anger and scorn I became 

I was done playing their dumb little game

Pain was the only thing I knew and sought

Any onto others, pain is what I wished to wrought 

For nobody I believed to ever be on my side

And forever it was proven like the movements of the tide 

Constant and endless, the pains stacked onto each other 

And I fell into worshipping sorrow, my beautiful dark mother

Now I am scared of the human condition 

For I now do not even want a human to listen 

To who I am or to what I hold dear

For you all seeing me fills me with fear

I must hide who I am, keep it all inside 

You all seeing it brings me back to that cold tide

One I waded into, its black shores lapping at my feet

Until I sank into its inky cold, for hell I am to meet

Wrist deep in the burning wounds of the oceans

Never shall I stop or halt 

For my wounds shall stretch across this world

And into them be poured from the waters their salt

Torment my nerves and shatter my brain

For my strength is only gained through pain 

Alone and private, that’s where I truly thrive 

Its the only way I really know how to survive 

Those five windows still pour light unto me 

As I type this not for you, but for me

I bear my soul at once again in words perhaps askance

Eyes look at them, chuckle beyond a single glance

Why do I cry, why do I complain 

Don’t I know I am doing this again?

Nobody cares about any of this at all

Im simply annoying, ready to take a fall

While you talk to your friends, indulge in your heart

With other humans, in the experience you take part

But not me, I do not wish to be seen

Even though I try, I hope you know what I mean

Every word or thought is of absolute fear

That it will be used against me by those near and dear

No longer do I want accolades or for me to be seen

I never wish for you to truly know what I mean

If you are confused, it is because I am wrong

Once again, forever wrong in my sad song

So toss this aside, and with it toss me 

Let me sink down into the black waters of the sea

Let me be pushed down by its gravity 

Let me have one thing

Allow me to be a beautiful tragedy 

[distortedclouds]

Clouds, hello!

For a 2023 year in review writer ask :3

1, 3, 9, 15, 19, 21, 22, 29, 30

Thank you for blessing us the past year with your wonderful stories, and once again - congratulations on finishing your magnum opus (for now; I'm sure you'll write another outstanding story if you were planning to write a long fic!) Black Water.

I said it already (many times but anyway) but I admire you a lot as a writer and I really look up to you a lot.

Heyyy Anna!!

I'm always happy to be a part of this fandom with people as talented as you! Also, the best part about writing BW was being able to share it you and everyone here ❤️

Let's get to the questions!

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

While this past year has been a wonderful and unique experience all on its own, it's gotta be writing "out of order"

Slow and Steady all happens in the same universe and the same timeline, but I wanted to try and let smaller stories flow together into one without having to worry about writing them all at that way

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

That I get too much into a single "universe" and refuse to leave it. Im glad that this allows me to delve deeper into the characters emotions in a particular situation, but it also hinders my creativity that it becomes harder to write anything different or anything too different

Leaving is possible, but not as easy

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

.... I tried to find a different answer, but It'd be a gross lie to say 2023 wasn't the year I posted some of the heaviest and hardest to go through chapters of BW

Thanks to BW I was able to allow myself to explore a lot of feelings and thought-patterns that I usually gloss over in my head because they're either too painful or too overwhelming to consider on my own, but in fiction, if felt more doable

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

It's only appropriate that I rec Slow and Steady, considering it started as a 2023 challenge (but will live on for much longer lol)

Kind of a way for me to hop between different points of their relationship without being stuck with a plot or particular narrative

19. Share your favorite opening line

The second chapter of Slow and Steady

"It’s the eighteenth day when Armin finally picks one up. It’s slim and long and surprisingly weightless where it fits effortlessly between his index and middle fingers. He wonders how much thought went into ensuring it’s as easy as possible to hold."

I love writing sad Armin who's trying to keep it together you know?

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

...... Anna do you know how much I wrote this year!?

on top of 8 chapters of BW ALONE

ffs

Black Water, Ch 20. Not The "pillow talk" but the part just before it. Annie isn't used to comforting and supporting Armin with words rather than actions, but this is the first time since the beginning of the timeline she does it and it'll always has a place in my heart

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

Black Water, ch 17:

It was just this morning that Armin woke up alone. This same bed felt too big and too empty, with one of the pillows remaining squarely by the headboard, untouched and smoothed over. Now, it’s a mess; utter chaos. Annie has her hands in her hair, working out loose knots while leaning back on her pillow—which she’ll probably have to spend upwards of fifteen minutes working back into proper shape when they try to sleep again. The blanket resembles the peaks of high waves on a stormy day where it rests atop her knees, cascading in all sorts of ripples and wrinkles. Both towels she used are still on the floor, damp and in need of good airing so they remain smelling fresh. He tells himself that it does not matter that Annie wasn’t here this morning, or the night before, or the one to precede, but that she’s here now. That she came back and he’ll make sure to hold on to her properly this time around.

2022 was the year of making Annie suffer. 2023 was the year of making Armin suffer

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

To my friend from 6th(ish) grade whom I exchanged a lot of my writing with

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

Something Armin-focused for sure! I've been wanting to do that for months now with no luck. Maybe this year will be it!

[dootiexcupcake]

Reader teaching Soobin how to skateboard

JWJEKEJJDJEJE OK IM SUPER EXCITED TO DO THIS BC I FIND THIS CONCEPT SO ADORABLE *wails*!

I just want to apologize right now bc I do not skateboard and I don’t even have friends who skateboard so my knowledge is less than limited looool

☆ when you and Soobin first met it was actually at the skate park

☆ it’s very funny how that came to be considering the fact that he doesn’t skate

☆ but he had Beomgyu and Kai to blame for dragging him to the park that day despite that

☆ but it all wound up working out in the end because he, of course, met you <3

☆ if Soobin was being completely honest; he’s kind of embarrassed about the fact that he doesn’t know how to skateboard. This whole time he had you under the assumption that he did (because why else would he be at a skate park 🤔?)

☆ but when he bashfully came up to you one day and asked if you could teach him, you were taken aback but more than happy help! after you finished laughing of course

☆ so now here you both are. At the very skate park that you two met at

☆ you try to hold back your laughter as much as possible when he shows up in full protective gear. He’s more safe and secure than you were when you first started skating, you think to yourself

☆ you take him to a more secluded area of the park so he’d be able to focus better and less people will get in his way

☆ “so just like a walk you're going to put your front foot on the board straight, and your back foot on the ground straight, and then you're just going to take a step, lift up, take a step, lift up and that's basically it. Don't even worry about stepping on the board yet literally just go back and forth with one foot”

☆ Soobin stared at you intently as he soaked in every step you gave him

☆ you continued to demonstrate various other basic skills on the board before turning back to him, “you wanna try it out for yourself?”

☆ Soobins eyes widened at the suggestion but he nodded his head regardless and got on his board

☆ as expected, his first few steps were very shakey. As soon as you saw him begin to fall you ran over and placed your hands on his hips to steady him. thankfully for Soobin you didn’t see the way his face flushed red

☆ after a few more minutes skating back and forth Soobin wanted to move on to the next step. Stopping

☆ luckily for him, that’s the easiest thing in the world

☆ you stood a few feet in front of him and acted as a mark for him to stop at. The more he went, the further you distanced yourself from him

☆ Soobin was doing very well for a beginner! He’s your best student!…well…he’s your first and only student

☆ you had a big smile on your face when Soobin was skating towards you at a higher speed than last time, “look at how fast you’re goin soobie! You’re doing really good!” You yelled out from across the park. Soobin had his typical crescent eyed smile as he got even closer

☆ but your smile dropped when you noticed Soobin wasn’t doing the most important part of this step

☆ “Soobin don’t forget to bend your kne-!“

☆ both of you came crashing down to the hard concrete with a loud thud

☆ “ugh…soobinnn” you drawled out as you rubbed the back of your head, eyes squinting in pain. You tried to move your other hand until you realized it was stuck. ‘Stuck on what?’

☆ “hey, are you alright? Sorry for not bending my knees by the way! I totally forgot!”

☆ ah..so it seems your hand was stuck between a Soobin and a hard place (wow you should go on a comedy tour with that material)

☆ you looked down at your hand and saw it pressed flushed against Soobins chest. You glanced back up and

☆ wait…

☆ both of you stare at each other wide eyed when you come to the shared realization. eyes glued to one another for what seems like an eternity

☆ “uhm…Soobin…” You finally break the silence and it forces Soobin to snap out of his daze as he scrambles to his feet. He stretched his hand out for you to grab and you take it as you stand to your feet as well

☆ it is very awkward for a few seconds with the two of you not able to make eye contact with one another.

☆ “s-sorry again for the-not bending my-uh..”

☆ oh soobin..you can’t help but feel butterflies in your stomach at his cute stammering

☆ you feel bad for him, so you nudge him in the side and reassure him that it’s all good

☆ which causes him to give you a thankful smile

☆ “so what’s the next step?”

txt m.list | main m.list

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

saturday again no problem (a tuesdaypost retrospective)

sort of mixed feelings about this one bc, as we have previously chatted about, the august 2021-august 2022 period was one of the worst twelve-month periods of my life.

however! this year brought like six new tuesdaypost initiatives from other people (please shout at me in the comments or by DM bc my brain is broken and i don't remember all of you) and i DO want to take a look back at some media i enjoyed.

the normal format + some misc. stats below

listening

here are all the tuesdaysongs plus Permanent Peace by Jack de Quidt, who is not on spo/tify. this year gave me albums by: joywave, alt-j, unloved, scene queen, new doja cat, a bunch of junie and the hutfriends singles, and the gleeful insanity of the mcr tour. VERY good musical year imo

-

reading

this historically has been one of the more fallow categories, bc there is a level of background pain where it is quite difficult for me to read and viddy gaem is a better distraction.

could have sworn i read three cowboy novelizations this year but i can only find evidence that i read the sabata and red river novelizations. i have mixed feelings about the execution of Tom Lin's The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu and Silvia Moreno-Garcia's Gods of Jade and Shadow but do not regret reading either.

no particular comics or manga stand out in my fallible, forgettable brain this year. i am excited for the ongoing light novel and manga adaptation of Otherside Picnic but that's just from watching the anime

-

watching

happy that letterboxd is doing part of the thing i wanted (getting me to watch more movies) deeply annoyed i have fallen into the trap i was afraid of. this trap is: I Want To Make The Number Go Up and am now reluctant to watch tv bc i can't log it on letterboxd and it doesn't "count". fucking hate to gamify my own leisure like this!!!!

the very good thing about letterboxd is that my friends have excellent taste, and letterboxd reminds me which of the eight billion django knockoffs i have and have not seen.

GOD was january a good movie month. the below screenshot is movies i watched for the first time this year and really liked/have stuck in my head in some way, and 3/8ths were from january. thank u library streaming service kanopy

see letterboxd has taken such a big chunk of my Moving Images time that it was hard to remember that both peaky blinders and killing eve ended this year!!! and i rewatched several seasons of adventure time! and most of the first season of DS9! and i am now in the process of watching the vampire interview show with my sister!!!

-

playing

got a handmedown switch!

this year was mostly big open worlds that didn't require a lot of complex thought from me, or if they did require some puzzle solving it was in really short bursts. lion's share of the hours this year went to fallout 4, breath of the wild, and pokemon scarlet. i really loved junk shop telescope, depanneur nocturne, and card cowboy.

honorary mentions to phone games that kept my anxiety to a low simmer while in a lot of doctor's offices.

game im most hype for is probably the spooky fishing game Dredge, but i don’t think we’ll get that until early 2024. if anyone says the words "fallout 5" next year i will lose my mind bc i would like another one of these stupid motherfuckers before i die.

-

making

i think i'm going to mourn the old lair until i die.

i am deeply, deeply unhappy with how this year went both personally and professionally. made an apartment cozy. lost the cozy apartment. cleaned a whole bunch of metal. framed a lot of things. bought a whole bunch of furniture. still have moths.

hate to leave this post on this note however i really should have died twice this year and didn’t. so im trying to be nice to myself about the rest of it.

-

bonus stats

47/52 weeks posted

moves: 1 (assisted with two)

recipes failed: many

postcards sent: many

number of 1040s i will receive next month: 4

overnight trips: 2

day trips: 3

covid: +1

serious covid scares: 9

combined hospital and doctor's visits: don't worry about it

number of lamps: also don't worry about it what are you a cop

cats: +1

[bizzarehippie]

This shit crazy the way Im bouta explain me …my mind race crazy daily.

Like a subway going no where fucking lately. Just circling like the shit just don’t have a destination 🚏

Ain’t that shit insane?

Now listen closely as I explain when I break down this pain;

My thoughts be , fucking me up …..but

I gotta be honest, let’s talk bout it dear? You wanna ask what’s going on up in here. You truly concerned ?

A whole lotta shit , you prolly don’t give a damn to hear? & damn that’s crazy , cuz I’ve been going through it lately.

I’m just trying maintain, I’ve been broken & you have no clue what that could do to the mental of a patient trapped in her mind of her own enslavement.

Smh, I’ve Astro projected & sat watch myself be subjected to the dumb shit only a handful of you knew.

I flinch at the mere thought of loving someone new. Are you gone toss me to the side like old news too?

Are you gonna pound into my head I’m ugly & beat me, black and blue ? Or are you gonna , play me like a board game until you find someone new?

Theses are the webs of thoughts that enter my mind, Can you handle it ? Or is it too much for you too?

Cuz feelings to touchy , but not enough that it won’t stop you from asking to touch me .

Not enough to stop you from wanting a piece. & I share my pieces , then regret giving you any of me.

Because now, you own me. You done crawled your way inbetween my membrane & reprogrammed me, to think love was suppose to be this way.

You prepped and suited me for what ? Just to bury insecurities, deep inside me. To lie to me. Make me run a muck all damn day in brain? Overthinking my previous pain wonder will the next woman be the same.

I got to tell you this shit sucks ; trying to simply not give a fuck, but like I told you in the beginning, this train station is never ending. I’m going insane. I need someone to be my peace. I need these walls to fucking deteriorate so I can see clearly. 

Broken down demolished. I’m tired of fucking screaming and no one‘s acknowledging . What I gotta do for you to see me !

To love me my trust isn’t easy I have motherfuckers tell me they love me and then leave me.

I’ve been disgusted with myself for letting motherfuckers cheat me. Beat into my mind. I’m the reason for being needed.

But then turn around and come and go like the seasons. Because once I gave you everything you needed, ….we no longer had a treaty.

You did me dirty ; I must admit. Straight, looking at myself with regret like why the fuck I fall in love like that. At this point just hand me the fucking rope. I need to wrap it around my own neck , & tilt the chair and swing from my own neglect of putting myself through some shit like that.

Can you imagine sitting and watching yourself go through the same cycle of shit. Asking yourself, why do you want to be love like this? How did you replace love with toxic waste?  Meanwhile my psyche telling me :

Because being beaten, battered, manipulated and gaslighted don’t spell L -O-V-E boo

But I still do what I do & think what the hell I got to loose? Not knowing my subconscious is screaming you baby girl you’re gonna lose you.

Now you’re still stuck on this train Tiara Renee , how the fuck you get off someone please explain.

And while I’m searching for an answer, a louder voice is yelling at myself the only way off is to know your WORTH boo.



*sighs*

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Imagine: Worrying over your boyfriend Steve Rogers

Why is it that the first Sign of Age is A Sore back? Waking up in a strange postion while sleeping could cause a Entire day of annoyance of pain and feeling Old! and old injuries start to randomly flare up? you were having a “old Day” morning. Waking up with a sore back, your Knee that you Once Sprained when you were a teenager was acting up. and you felt heavier.. No one ever tells the young how when you get Older. somehow you feel more grounded and Heavier to the earth. you were rooted into yourself and things were comfortable. you were content with Life. Sure your Mom was Nagging  you for a grandkid, Also a marriage. She would settle for you to have a boyfriend. She thinks your alone. that you Had no one just your work. and your crazy “City Life” where she thinks your out every night partying it up at clubs. and sleeping around. 

But in truth you were a Old Lady Stuck in a young person’s body. you On any occasion had Hard candy in your bag. (too many times you been stuck at work, or on a train and Starving! you learned to pack!) you Love watching Old classic shows, Hell you were learning to Knit- well you were. Until you couldn’t figure it out so Now you were reading whenever you were listening to some sort of show or you were drawing. or “doodling” as you call it since non are great. you Also had a boyfriend, it started by accident you lived in the same building as Steve Rogers and you were making Chocolate Muffins and needed one more Egg. you thought it the recipe said 2 eggs. but it was 3. so you went across the hall to the new tendent. where Steve answered as you smiled recorginzing him instantly. your grandpa went to his show during the war, and he had the entire collection of action cards that Steve Rogers did for the Army. which was passed down to you. since you admired and loved Captain Rogers since you knew what Love was. he was your first “  crush” granted you were 6 when your grandpa showed you the old tapes, and the cards. and told you stories about the captain. 

But seeing him in person. you mentally kicked yourself for staying in your PJ’s as you walked over. hair was a complete mess as he looked at you. he sighed heavily realizing he was recorginzed. as you spoke, “Hi.. Sorry iM making Chocholate muffins.. well im Attempting to Make Chocholate Muffins..and I read the recipe wrong- i thought i had Enough Eggs.. but I dont..- do you have a Egg?” 

Steve thinking it was a Coy plan to just met him. kindly refused and said No. and closed the door. wanting some peace and quiet. you said Okay. and sorry to distrub him as you went to the next door. Mr Baker would have a egg you just hated talking to the old bat. When Steve realized you said the same thing to the next door neighbor he spoke, ‘Im sorry- i thought- I thought you were just trying to meet me.” 

holding the Egg you shook your head, “I would NEVER want to meet you for the First time in my Pj’s! what kind of impression is that?” he chuckled softly as you walked into your apartment. After the first awkward meeting, and the first date. and then Steve learned how big of a dork you were for his Old Show, and how you had all the cards. In a Display Case hanging in your living room. Which you forgot to Move before your date! it just happened. it was natural as air. 

Due to His Job. and all the threats he was under often, he kept you as safe as he could, and you likewise didn’t post about your boyfriend, or Mentioned him. you did mention to your Family you had someone special but you wanted it on the Down low. you had no interset in parading around Steve. when you were out in “public” the few times you been out with him in public people surrounded him. and you hated Sharing Steve. Sure When he was in his captain america outfit. that made sense you get having to share him when he’s at work. but when it’s just you and him and wanting to go otu to get a bite to eat. you weren’t thrilled that people would come and interupt your Date. and worst. no one Ever believed you were On a date with him. they always call you his “assistant.” 

Tony and Pipper knew about you, you had a lot of double dates with them and whenever Steve is out on a mission you go to headquarters for safety. you never epexected to meet all the avengers. Or that you would be one of the first humans to try out Alien weaponry- whenever Steve was on a mission he refused to let you touch any weapon when he was home. Not because he thought you were a dismey and he wanted to be your savior. but because you were Kutzy and he always worried you would Sneeze and accidentally pull the trigger and other shot someone or yourself. but some blizzare luck. 

Since getting pregnate Steve was more cautious and careful with you. Having Vision, tony Bruce and Even Thor checking on you every day to make sure the baby isn’t hurting you. with his super strength Steve worried that the baby would have it also and break your ribs, or lungs, breaking you in general.

 Laying on the sofa in Steve’s quarters. you were exhausted. Wanda was sitting with you as you  nudged your belly seeing the baby foot as you spoke, “god it’s like a alien is inside me.” she laughed softly. Steve walked in seeing you both as he smiled, “hows my girls?” you chuckled, “we don’t know it’s a girl Steve.” he walked over kissing your belly and rubbing it softly before reaching up kissing you. ‘I feel it.” 

you just laughed as Wanda left. soon after wanting to go fluster vision. as you both got ready for bed. with a Snoogle wrapped around yur body to be comfortable. then steve holding your hand you drifted to sleep instantly. Even in pain and bieng uncomfortable and 3 weeks late. you easily. could sleep easily. you been exhusted for weeks. Tony expects because it’s Steve’ baby that was sucking the engery out of you Piper pipped in saying it was normal and that your body was working twice as hard then it normally does.

you Slept. 

Steve? Steve didn’t he watched you sleep the entire night. with how out to the world you been lately sleeping Steve was convinced you wouldn’t wake up if you went into labour so he stayed up to make sure someone noticed. you woke up seeign Steve dressed in the cloths he was wearign yesterday as he was laying there watching you as he smield weakly seeing you awake. “why you still in cloths?” it was the first thing you asked as he said he needed to be perpared.” 

“For what?” you questioned. shifiting up you graoned. god you swear your belly grew again last night. as he spoke, “For the baby.. your such a heavy sleerp since being pregnate. I needed to make sure you didn’t sleep thur it.” 

you turned to Steve your mouth slightly opened, “babe- i dont think that is possible?” 

he sighed heavily as the christmas lights turned on. It was Visions first christmas and you were so misable with being pregnate you let him decorate your quarters isnce you been living here for the last nine months. cause Steve was so worried about the baby. he did white warm lights on the tree and the baby was suppose to be born a few weeks before Christmas you felt guilty that it’s birthday was so close ot christmas. But Steve? Steve thought it was the greatest gift on this green earth. A Christmas baby. he loved it. Steve was full baby mode. you were in “Get this thign out of me” sort of mode. but Steve has checked and triple checked everything. with how far it woudl be to get a doctor, the to go bag. everything was set. 

just baby was taking forever. it was Christmas Eve as your ability to fake being Nice was Gone. you were uncomfortable and everything ticked you off. you apoglized to whoever was in the room with you. saying you were sorry you were cranky and to tell them to stop breathing so loud. you were laying on Tony’s exprience sofa. the Only way you were comfortable is with your Snoogle wrapped around you. as you wore shorts and a tank top it was SO hot! 

Steve was on a quick mission as you felt pain in your lower back. that wasn’t New but then it was tight squeeze which made you jump and groan as the pain traveled thru to your stoumch as you tensed up.it lasted afew seconds then stopped as you called for vision. “Just get it out of me. just- Just do your laser thing and get this out of me.” 

he chuckled softly, “I dont think I will have to Y/n” 

“why not?” 

“your water is about to break.” 

“how do you know?’ 

just then a gush of water seeped out of you. as you gasped as he spoke, “science., i’ll get Wanda and get someone to call Cap.” 

5 hours later it was offically Christmas as you held your baby. Steve was going over different names to call your baby daughter as you handed the baby to Steve so you could sleep. you were exhusted. but one of the greatest christmas’s you ever had 

[angeldiaries777]

extreme trigger warning for everything. please don't read if you know it could potentially upset you. !! also very personal. so if you don't want to know then also u might want to skip this post. i understand if i lose followers because of this rant but ive always shared my struggles on here so i thought i might share what ive been through to vent and release my own anxiety and maybe help someone else.again read at your own discretion and ofc this isn't even a fraction of everything just a very very very very tiny snippet. this is also a draft from two days ago.

recovering from my ed slowly but those thoughts never go away. i practically quit school for ed blogs and twitter. chasing results is a never ending journey. if you get bad enough they will never end until you die. i'm not talking like skipped lunch once. no i legit had to recover myself just to stay alive while dealing with a million other mental illnesses and life issues. everything alone. it used to make me so beyond sad for myself i was stuck in a loop of self pity and now i don't feel anything anymoreso i am trying to use my numbness for good. know that if you feel not alone per say. but like if you don't fix your issues yourself or help yourself out of actual living hell that it will only continue to get worse. but also know that whatever it is you have to feel it till you get so bored of your own shit. im always annoyed and upset with people cuz i am sensetivie and very mentally ill but we know u cannot control a single thing outside of yourself. let yourself feel the affects. i myself had to literally lose parts of my vision to want to recover from everything and had to see what 3 years of pure isolation and self destruction/abuse did to my face and body and it was terrifying. 15 years of just pure self hatred and dealing with crippling anxiety/depression and inferiorty complex took such a toll on me. i feel physically sick everyday. i would not only not take care of myself i would harm myself mentally, emotionally, physically even repress and shame myself sexually. i was a mess. im at a point where i don't remember much of it in detail despite it being a few months again. with my last attempt being barely a month ago. you have to see it through. human survival instinct will try to keep you alive more than anything. ive always known ive had imense potential cuz its been drilled into my brain since i was a child so my ego was keeping me alive. also for the fact that at my lowest low i had also stopped believeing in god and i didnt know what would happen after death. death scared me. of course it didnt scare me enough to not try. one night i was laying on my living room i think this was a little bit before december of 2022 it was night time and i had turned the lights off i was home by myself and i just lined up every tool i had used for cvtting/sh in general and then some kitchen knifes and i fucked up my arm, thighs everywhere. i was crying so hard during it i could feel it in my head and heart and at that point i had already been through a lot. i just everything in me was telling me that life will never be worth it and neither will people. before i could shove a knife in my throat my mom entered the house and took all the knifes and razor blades etc away from me.

she just kind of looked at me like she knew i would do this but i didnt care. all the intensitity i felt. i knew it was too much. i knew i was my own worst enemy. i knew i was taking things too personal and i knew that the worlds problems were not mine yet still i had nothing to live for. once you get past a certain point. the pain just becomes permentant everything in the world becomes dim and all you have is yourself...

i will type more later but i just needed to vent.