#this was stream of consciousness

[professionallydeadinside]

You wake up. You open your google doc files. You see one you made last night at about 2:45 am. You click on it. It’s piano man fanfiction. You close your computer. 

[gayofthefae]

To me, this show has always been a metaphor for trauma symptoms. Sure, this is literally what happened, but really:

His life got better externally but then this dark monster attacked him. And it took him away. It stole his life and made him keep hiding like he always did. Maybe even feel like he did when his dad was still there. Then there’s this smoke monster that attacks him - but only in his mind. Nobody else can see it and he’s not sure if he’s going crazy, but it is valid and real. It’s still harmful to him. And in Owens’ defense here, it DOES happen to get worse around the anniversary of the incident. He tries to lock it out, quite literally repress it.

This is what the whole show is about, really:

Season 1, he runs from it.

Season 2, he/El represses it, quite literally.

Season 3, that wasn’t enough. There are still remnants in this world. Repression will never get rid all the way and it’ll just come back just as big, if not bigger, but this time affect the people around you more.

Season 4, he left for real. He escaped it in season 1 but now he’s avoiding any connection or trigger. And that works for as long as it works. But then something comes up again and it pulls him right back in.

As someone with PTSD, I relate to Will - especially because my flashbacks have been traumatizing so season 2 has always been a very validating allegory for me.

Will’s relationship with the upside down is all about how when the real life bad stuff ends like abuse, you are free...technically. But your mind isn’t yet. There’s still a lot of work to be done to convince yourself that you’re safe, especially from a long-term situation like his with Lonnie.

So yes, on the surface, he was finally safe and then the monsters came.

But in actuality, once the relief wore off, his body was still in the habit of being attacked. So he was attacked again. He was free from Lonnie. The monsters represent becoming free from his mind.

It’s actually very cool, too, because with El, we get to simultaneously catch up on WHAT her trauma was THROUGH her flashbacks, but because hers are real flashbacks and his are narrative representations, we don’t get the same with him. But Brenner and Lonnie are meant to parallel each other so it’s almost context from another character’s trauma.

Brenner forced her to open the gate. Just like Lonnie is responsible for Will’s body remaining under attack even after he’s gone.

And this leads into its own theory too of how to end this all. He needs to face his trauma. He needs to confront it. He wants to kill it, but I don’t think that’s right. It’s too simple. And it’s what they’ve done every season. He needs to pacify and integrate it. Whatever Henry and the mind flayer’s literal origins, the theme of the show is confronting trauma. So he CAN’T simply “kill it”.

Henry is El’s representation that was sent into Will’s world and now attacks her after she’s been free of Brenner. She had her own relief in season 2 before season 3 and on after she repressed it herself as it reached for her. It stepped up to coming directly into her mind when she opened to it by looking for it. So if the mind flayer and Vecna really are separate, Vecna is hers and the mind flayer is Will’s.

But they’re both everyone’s too. Eldritch - very old. They tell a very old story of abuse.

Henry is a representation of someone who didn’t break the cycle. He was pulled in and possessed by the eldritch monster and took it out on others. He’s a combined force in that way. So maybe it is just getting to him.

You can’t kill the monster. You can’t kill universal abuse or trauma symptoms for all. As I said and as they said in season 2, it’s so old, it doesn’t even know it’s true home. That’s abuse by its very definition.

But you can break the cycle. You can break Henry out of the cycle. Killing him, if anything, perpetuates it in you. But you can break through to him.

I think maybe it really is Henry, in some ways. That’s why the mind flayer has no true motive like him. It’s just doing its job. This is just how the world works. It’s just black smoke. It will always exist. But it doesn’t have to attack in the way Henry weaponized it. It doesn’t have to be a combined force.

[panopticonsys]

when a joke takes a while to hit call that a jestational period

[plounce]

why was bashir a closeted homosexual in the 23rd century? like dude it's fine you can relax. actually wait the tense here is kinda funny. i used past tense because ds9 is from the 90s and i watched it in 2021 so in both cases it's from the past in my view. but when talking about a text you speak in the present: why IS bashir a closeted homosexual in the 23rd century? but the statement is half about how ds9 takes place in the scifi future: why WILL bashir be a closeted homosexual in the 23rd century?

[ubepan]

chilchuck gap moe this ep btw. he looked up at laios with big googoo eyes i Had to pause the ep. a middle-aged grown ass man wht are u doing looking at another man like he has the world in his eyes. you are divorced with three kids dude

i think im unwell

[ms-scarletwings]

I always loved this specific expression of his for no particular reason it’s just so effing funny

It’s the most little cartoon guy face. Everything and nothing is going on in that head at the same time.

[potato-lord-but-not]

in my wtnv era 10 years too late but uhhhh trying to figure out how to draw the guy nonetheless

[geeneelee]

Something I like about dungeon Meshi is that it explores a conflict in human nature that is usually either avoided or played for laughs, which is: how much individualism in the pursuit of your own comfort is acceptable, how much is even feasible?

Like Izutsumi is stubbornly independent and self serving to a fault, and yes it’s sometimes played for comedy because this series has a lot of comedy, but it also interrogates how much of that is healthy. After years of slavery and the violation of her bodily autonomy, it’s no wonder she just wants to do Her Own Thing, but people aren’t meant for that sort of solitary lifestyle, and if she wants to reap the benefits of other people she has to make compromises. The desire to live by your own whims is natural, especially when she’s been in a position of having total obedience expected in return for having her basic needs and no freedom but. The balance is something she has to learn to navigate.

And Laios, as lovable as he is, also represents another angle of this—he’s fine with cooperating with other people towards a common goal, and even is happy to put his neck out for his loved ones, but he struggles with navigating boundaries and has to figure out how those work to maintain his relationships and form new ones. It is hard for some people and you can get badly burned if you don’t understand them but overstepping peoples boundaries, no matter how innocently intentioned, is a form of harm you have to learn to avoid, or at least to mitigate. Like no, it’s not okay to try to count a teenage girl’s nipples even if it is your special interest. There is a racial aspect to the way he treats Toshiro. The fact that people don’t always tell him that there is a problem until it’s reached a breaking point is a fault on their side too, but Laios doesn’t always accept peoples boundaries even when they’re set—his attitude towards Izutsumi refusing the mandrake and not trying to understand why his behavior in the sauna was inappropriate is emblematic of this.

People live in societies and they bring their own baggage with them and no matter how understandable or benign their attitudes are ultimately you have to figure out how to balance your needs and comfort against the needs and comfort of others. Some behaviors and attitudes aren’t morally wrong in and of themselves (disliking working with others, not understanding other people’s feelings) but you are responsible for how you react when that hurts someone else.

The friction between individualism and communalism is something we spend our whole lives navigating!

[kiwi]

i forgot i can just draw furries

[comradekatara]

i feel like the reason aang isn’t as adored and beloved as he should be is because he’s the protagonist but he’s also not an archetypal western classical hero. i don’t agree with the entirety of that “avatar aang: feminist icon” essay because i think the role of patriarchy and gender in atla is more complex than what that essay posits, but he definitely complicates the masculine ideal of heroism and generally does not conform to patriarchal notions of masculinity. which is very deliberate, especially as contrasted with sokka and zuko’s explicit struggles with the imperialist/colonial standards of an aggressive, militaristic, and chauvinistic masculinity. aang is subversive because he represents an absence of war in a world ravaged by it. through his link to a (somewhat more) peaceful and harmonious past, he represents a better possible future. as katara would say, he brings people hope.

but people don’t like that he’s not visibly edgy or tormented like zuko is (even though he’s a far more tragic character than zuko is, just fyi), that he isn’t “cool” (even though he’s literally the coolest kid ever, just fyi), that he “gets the girl” (even though if anything, she gets him) despite being twelve and bald and nice (the horror!). katara is the more classical hero of the narrative, as its narrator and its catalyst, the adventurous revolutionary who gradually learns to control and use her powers and eventually becoming a force to be reckoned with. zuko is the classical anti-hero of the narrative, his “redemption arc” constantly hailed as one of the greatest character arcs in television. so people expect katara and zuko, as very obvious narrative foils who parallel each other every step of the way, to be the obvious couple, because based on every romance narrative we’ve been inundated with throughout our lives, within our patriarchal society, they “just make sense together.”

but as much as katara is a protagonist in her own right, aang is the show. the title quite literally represents the central thematic tension of the entire narrative, the colon illustrating the implicit divide between his duties to this brave new world in desperate need of justice and balance, or his duties to his extirpated culture as the last true voice among them. aang is the central figure because this tension represents the crucial ideological battle happening across the entire show. aang is the avatar because he is the only person in the entire world whose values have not been shaped by war.

people constantly laud zuko, in particular, for being the most interesting, complex character in avatar. but i personally don’t even think that’s true. which isn’t to say that zuko isn’t fascinating in his own right, of course, but rather that he’s certainly not the only complex character this show has to offer. he just happens to monologue about his anguish constantly. but aang wasn’t raised as an imperial prince, and so he approaches the world, and his own pain, in a very different manner. the reason he immediately goes to ride giant koi on kyoshi island, mailchutes in omashu, and otherwise goofs around after learning of the shocking ramifications of his people’s genocide is because that’s how he copes with his pain. unlike zuko, who never stops talking about his aches and yearnings, aang represses his trauma and hides his tears behind a mask of upbeat cheerful goofy twelve year old antics.

until he can’t anymore. until he snaps. both katara and zuko wear their hearts on their sleeves, and that includes their rage. but aang’s rage is dangerous specifically because it represents that he has been pushed past his limits, that the conditions of this world in which he is a perpetual stranger, temporally displaced and dispossessed, are intolerable. that peaceful reconciliation is impossible. and the fact that he persists beyond that breaking point, over and over again, to firmly and resoundingly establish his ideals even as they conflict with everything he has learned about this world, a world that is not his own even as he can never return to the world he once knew, is what makes him so unique, so powerful, so beautiful.

i know that aang isn’t the typical hero, neither narratively nor aesthetically, but really, that’s the entire point. the world, our world, needs something other than what we have now. we need someone who will not succumb to the ideals of domination and victory through violence to assert themselves. we need someone who stands firm in refusing to kill the firelord, even as everyone he knows tells him otherwise. we need someone who knows that darkness cannot be vanquished through more darkness, but can only truly yield to purifying light.

and sure, aang is a child, and often acts childishly. sure, he’s not conventionally handsome and alluring. but one thing i will never understand is how that somehow negates his appeal to the masses. because even if you don’t appreciate how crucial he is to the themes of this narrative you all seem to love so much, how can you not love his adorable little face? his precious little laugh, his zest for life, the infinite well of love and kindness he holds in his heart? people who hate aang are crazy to me. because you are, quite literally, hating the world’s most precious baby boy.

[casualcupholder]

Lots of them :))

[toolusingmammalgirl]

[heartorbit]

revstar emu save me

[frownyalfred]

today’s fun writing fact: did you know that most writing coaches estimate that it takes around one hour for the average writer to write 1000 words?

I know what you’re thinking — that’s really slow! I can write that in 20 minutes. Right, but that assumes that when you started typing, you knew exactly what you were going to write — every line of dialogue your characters were about to say, every description perfectly pre-planned, etc.

And then you have to go back and edit it. And tag it. And cut out parts that don’t work and add new bits. So by the time you’ve got that “short” fic all ready to go, you’ve probably spent at least two hours on it, maybe more.

So yeah, as an author, I cringe seeing the “this was so short!!” comments on fics, even when they’re well-intentioned. Because someone just took 2+ hours out of their day for something you could read in less than five minutes and be done with.

The next time you see that author put out a 1-2k chapter, remember to do the math! And leave a comment 💜 that’s how you keep those updates coming.

[reggies-eyeliner]

jwct really said yeah found family is beautiful for the domestic laughter and hugs and cheers and inside jokes but it is also incredibly awkward. it is apologizing first because your pride is easier to sacrifice than it is a relationship. it is doing the hard thing and facing hard truths, but also loving the person unconditionally not despite but regardless of what happened. it is choosing forgiveness because forgiveness was never supposed to be easy but for the people who make you realize life is really worth living it is always worth doing. it is the laughter that makes your sides hurt but it is also wiping the tears off of someone's face and holding them as they double over because they can't stop crying. found family and relationships are difficult and it is being vulnerable and facing hard truths and apologizing first and it is also incredibly worth it.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

*tries to organize my thoughts*

*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*

*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*

(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next