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calowlmitygoddess · 1 year ago

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Ill fill the writing meme because i love talking about myself lmao

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting? Standart arial, and don't care, tought i tried the comic sans trick a few times

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil? Probably not, my handwriting is terrible, actually unreadable to anyone but myself. Ive used to write on papper back in highschool when i had to write basicly everyday, now i havent touched a pen in ages.

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed? No standart ritual aside from needing music, anything else distracts me. The two songs i listened the most while writing is Respite on the Spitafields by ghost and Sacred Worlds by Blind Guardian

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral? Can't think of any rn :^

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true? I dont think i have any

6. What is your darkest fear about writing? That it all will be meaningless/no one will read what i do

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? Doing Something TM the whole, creation aspect

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go? No dialogue, just write a piece of someone going trought their day, ive wrote a small exercise a while back that fit this.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know No. Unless i hear a Noise TM then they are very real

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you? All my unfinished things haunt me daily. So much promise and so far nothing real. I had to write a thing to help let go of their ghosts

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve? Only when it fits the narrative. I dont like killing characters whitout a major reason, usually thematic, otherwise it feels cheap.

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules. Have the skill needed to make my Big Project reality, Have it reach some form of Good greater recognition/popularity, the last one i would keep for later.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy? Hard topics in general, big issues, relationships in any realistic way.

Literally just characters vibing, introspection, Over the top stuff.

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back? No one ever asked for a book to me but id have no problem doing so. Im the one people shouldnt ever lend any books because i am very careless and would likely end up dropping coffee or something accidentally on it

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends? I dont write in margins, but i did dog eared books in the past, and i use the jacket(?) of the book to mark my pages.

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark? fuckenn... i dont remember tbh, again i use the jacket.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text. I have a post with a bunch of lore about the dragon species, i cant find it tought. But they are mammals that lay eggs, have no gender, their society mostly resemble that of bees, they have no currency, and the watsonian reason the main character goes by gendered terms despite not having one is because she thinks the words sound nice

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage. I dont think theres any passages that have interesting enough backstories.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going? My dream since childhood was to write a book, ive always liked to tell stories, read and such, i would dictate stories that my mom would write down before i learnt how to do so. But then i got really into drawing and started to foucus more on that, and ended up shifting the foucus from writing text to comic making since every artist with ocs does that. I also changed foucus on projects faster than light, so i would write 2 chapters and give up the next day, or change the entire story the next week and such.

I stuck with comics as my goal for like the past 6 years, and only early this year i came to the conclusion that i really hate the comic making part of making comics, and that i like writting much better. Im very rusty+ the fact im not as avid reader as i used to, and the quality is not really good, but im having fun.

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

Wip, finish the wip, thats all i wanted since i was 10, what even is the point of this question.

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not? I just started writting 'seriously' so i dont want to quit just yet. Also i have a massive undeserved ego, i dont think even the most discouraging,awful negative review could make me quit doing it.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud? I have one google doc, with outline+ chapters as i write them, i used to have different docs for lore/outline/chapters but its easier this wau

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

In the inn i stay during the week and my actual room in my house are essentially the same place, Is my room, its messy and damp but its confy enough. My table is turned to the small window and during the morning the sun hist right in my face. The table is equally messy, with cups and glasses over it, pappers stained with coffee and tea cover its surface. My one company, a small succulent that rests near the window, and a carved small owl that i need to constantly clean because its constantly molding due to the dampness.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it? Idk what kind of prep work you would do. I just sit and write mate.

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story? Godamn i cant think of any rn. Most of my Extremely well developed characters are from my BIg Story, but it literally doesnt exist anywhere outside my head yet, so idk what is and isnt relevant to it. For my current wip is a little harder since the characters are like less than a year old. idk...Orick looks like a cat person, i think he would like to own a cat.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place? I go "what would a person in this situation with this background do" and try my best to guess.

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why? Any character thats like a stategist or planner, because its hard to make them look smart without making it look like bullshit or predicting the future

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why? Meira. Her narration came very easy to me, guilt ridden but still professional and calm, also Big Gay.

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry? I was never a very original kid, im a vampire that sucks the soul out of other things to fuel my own. My current Wip main characters are based out of HK characters they resemble nothing of. Im always on the prowl for new media to steal from be inspired by

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

Sort of. I've dreamed with plots before, and i usually do my best to remember, but while at the moment i wake up feeling like that was the best idea in the world, after a while when i think about it again, its just sort of nonsense

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

Literally Thank you to anyone who ever gave me the time of day. Im still a little haunted by those i dissapointed by never fininishing stuff but the fact that yall liked enough to make me feel guilty for giving up is also good in a way <3

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

'sometimes a dream is enough' - the last line from one of my favourite books. In context it drives me insane, it makes me rabid. But out of context its just neat

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate? Im a Drawer! also tried sculpting in the past. And YES, my current dream is to have an illustrated novel.

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go: No idea what an oxford comma is and at this point im too afraid to ask

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens? POV character being the protagonist, i just found it such a neat concept. Also the protagonist needing to be a Good Moral Character.

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know? Dinossaurs, i wanna write a story about dinossaurs one day...

37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you? Gay. Also very into dragons

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? I dont have any Weird habits i think? I can only imagine some kind of complain about how their current food sucks.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up? Not to be dark in the funny meme but giving up would literally remove one of the things that give my life some form of meaning

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

idk how to write poems sorry

#owl memes

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bluehwale-main · 1 year ago

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LIZ IM SICK ND TIRED OF PPL

i read ur other ask and i have a lot of some THOUGHTS

1) IM ALSO SO HAPPY THAT U DIDNT GIVE UP IN PREPARING FOR UR MOCK EXAM LIKE I AM SO PROUD OF U LET ME JUST KISS U ON THE FOREHEAD!! frr like trying not to give up is so hard to do so im rlly glad that u got thru that and that u did well on the exam :’-) I AM SO SO PROUD OF U I JUST KNOW THE RESULTS ARE GONNA BE GREAT I HAVE FAITH IN U <3

2) goodluck on ur final exams!!!!! i hope u had a good break on ur 15 days of study holiday + prepared well for ur exams!! sending u all my love and all the four leaf clovers i can find to manifest good luck on top of ur sexy brain 🍀🍀

3) INTROVERT SCORPIO????? are u hongjoong in disguise 🤨 but anyw LMAOO FR LIKE WHENEVER IM WITH MY FRIENDS I CURSE LIKE 14 YEAR OLD BOY TRYING TO ACT COOL (translation: i curse a lot) SO ABHSHSHSAHA U NEED TO TEACH ME UR WAYS!! but fr so happy for u that u get a break from exhausting toxic ppl during the holiday <3

4) WHAT IS THIS GUY DOING HE BETTER SQUARE UP BCS I CAN FIGHT POW POW 💥🥊 nah but fr one of my friends told me that guys won’t be friends with a girl unless they find her attractive and i was like LMAOO WHAT AHAHAHaha Haahaha.. aha… nthen i kinda realized that she’s 100% right :-/ men aint SHIT but anyw U CAN LITERALLY TREAT UR GUY FRIENDS SUPER PLATONICALLY LIKE STRICTLY PLATONIC FRIEND ZONE BEHAVIOR TYPE OF SHIT N THEY’D STILL BE LIKE oh so u’d wanna date me huh LIKE ??????????? get ur head out of ur ass

5) i hate false/misleading gossip w a passion bcs i’ve been a victim of it wayy too many times so hearing what u said makes me so MAD like ppl should mind their own business fr what. like i love silly little gossips i can giggle about but yeah it really sucks when u’re the one at the wrong edge of the sword i do not recommend nu uh mhm sucks big time

6) recommend me some kdramas pls

7) HES BLAMING U????? oh hell no HE HAS TO GO!!!! n btw u are not at fault at all for reaching out to him BCS U WOULDNT KNOW THAT HE’D START FLIRTING WITH U???? 💀 bro is kinda pathetic ngl. and yeah i do get that part abt wanting genuine male friends who only see u as a friend and like. i genuinely cant find any in my campus. i can only rely on my highschool guy friends to pull through but 95% of them study abroad so that sucks 😔

8) oooh yikes i dont like ppl who bash about their own friends :( that rlly sucks ugh ditch her!! and also hm i cant really tell who is it that snitched the gossip to the asshole BUT KEEP AN EYE ON BOTH OF THEM 😡 also its a good thing they unfollowed u bcs u R BETTER OFF WITHOUT THEM <3

9) again, PROUD OF U FOR UR MOCK EXAMS AND I WISH U THE BEST OF LUCK FOR UR FINALS <3 ILY i hope ur mental peace wont hv to be ruined for u to get a degree 😭

10) honestly i have like 4 insta accounts all for different reasons (i need help ik) and i used to be so active but it just gets so tiring tht im honestly never on insta anymore. like i just repost my friend’s stories whenever they tag me lmao 😭😭😭😭 but yeah it feels nice to not be all up on ppl’s business all the time i feel u

11) IM STILL HAPPY U DID UR MOCK EXAM SO WELL‼️ DONT LET THAT SENIOR GUY GET TO U!!! keep ur head up ren ily goodluck on ur final exam and keeping ur mental peace intact <3

#answered #diorwoo

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cerealkills · 3 years ago

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roasting the stardust crusaders because why the fuck not.

btw this is inspired by a la squadra roast by @0coldphantom0 !!! pls check out their post it had me rolling this is really unfunny and not as funny as theirs so pls go check their post out 😰 Polnareff - okay dude what is that hair like actually what the fuck - he looks like a roll of damp bounty paper towels - he has middle school humour. i said it. - he looks like he still pisses the bed - he cat calls women in the street and cries when they punch him in the face :/ - dude lost the other half of his shirt in Cairo or some shit where the fuck did the other strap go 😰 - he's a sneaker head and all he talks about is nike shoes - his wallpaper is a red ferrari - dehydrated chad meme lookin ass - overall a 8/10 because something draws me to him and i dont know what Jotaro Kujo - my guy literally wore ALL BLACK TO EGYPT. - how does he not look like a dry sponge rn - i feel like he would be one of those lil' huddy clones on tiktok - ironically does the lip licking thing - why does he have a chain as big as my whole body on his jacket like???? - AND WHY ARE HIS PANTS 200 DOLLARS - no idea how he's still alive and didnt just pass out and die in egypt but whatever - wears hoodies when its 100 degrees outside - he looks like the llama from the emperors new groove - overall a 9/10 because why not 😓 Joseph Joestar - he looks so crusty dude - HE NEEDS HAND LOTION U CAN TELL HIS HANDS ARE SO CRACKED AND ASHY PLS BRO - he looks like the dude from curious george but if he got put in a food processor - he unironically uses 😂 in his texts - he tries to be hip and trendy with the times but just makes everyone cringe so hard their eyes are rolling on the floor - someboy needs to take the cologne away from him because he showers in that shit - he doesnt brush his teeth he looks like his breath stinks - his hair prolly lice infested bro 😰 - he doesnt shave his armpits so they smell like hot garbage and possibly some onion - overall 5/10 because he prolly eats his own earwax Avdol - not to be rude but he looks like a carpet - same question for him dude, WHY ARE YOU WEARING ALL THAT TO EGYPT - he only responds with a thumbs up emoji to anything you text him - uses snapchat filters like the sparkly one and shows fucking everyone 😭 - my guy looks like a lamp you would find at an antique store all the way in the back - he's so nice he's a walking door mat 8/10, overall i have no issues with him so Kakyoin - babe looks like a heinz ketchup bottle - he only makes "ur mom" jokes and u cant change my mind - he wears those "im a gamer try to keep up" shirts you find at target 😭 - he still watches PBS kids - dude looks like the bean cat from peg + cat pls 😭 - why is it when he does the rerorerorero thing he looks like he's about to doxx you on 4chan - he's so musty and prolly has cheeto dust all over his keyboard - one of THOSE boys who paints fucking van gogh and goes : "oh its so bad 🥺" - overall a 5/10 he's pretty boring and plain SO THATS IT LOL i know it was very unfunny but i tried my best :D another shoutout to @0coldphantom0 for the idea yeah thats p much it written by @heirophant--greenn

#jjba #roasting #jojo #jojos bizzare adventure #stardust crusaders #jojos bizzare adventure stardust crusaders #kakyoin noriyaki #jjba avdol #jean pierre polnareff #jotaro kujo #joseph joestar

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xxatinyminionxx · 3 years ago

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Hi! Btw I'm the anon that asked if we could rant on here.. I don't know how to explain it but I just don't feel good.. last year it all started in june-end right when july was coming along and the night of my birthday everything just clicked on why I was acting the way I was and rhoight I was depressed... I took a couple online tests and stuff even thought sometimes advised not to and at first it kept saying I just had minor depression so I just thought I was overthinking it or something but then each month it would just get worse.. Like once I'd finally get used to the pattern set in August.. it got 10 times worse the month after. So then maybe during November I took the online test once again and mow it said I had major depression and i just sorta freaked out.. i told my 2 of my best friends and they sorta just brushed it off and like jokingly told me to just not die and I couldn't tell them anything after.. so later on i talked to my cousin about it and she kept forcing me to tell my mom and I wasn't ready so aftr a lot of hell I finally blurted it all out to my mom and she idk.. seemed weird after that.. like shed be almost sarcastically too careful like she was taunting me about being so fragile and when I told her how I didn't feel like studying shed say im just using this as an excuse... ive been trying to hint at how ive been feeling for as long as i can remember but once i told her it just.. wasnt what i imagined.. i told her all i want is to get chkd up by a doctor so i atleast know wether this is a actual mental issue or if im just being moody.. but nothing happened n she kept using it against me so 2 days later i brushed it off again asking her to forget about it and well she just did.. like no questions asked she just said okay.. December came and that's when we got a dog.. though ever since we got him i hvnt been feeling as upset in a while tho i do get weekly blues and this month its like ive gone back to how it used to be.. I keep pushing myself telling myself how it'll get better like it did last time and that injust have to wait but its already been two weeks of constantly feeling shitty about myself and i dont really know how long i can hold up anymore and i just had to get this off my chest.. like it never really stopped but it used to happen just for a day or two until it was back to normal but now injust dont know.. i stopped crying last yr cuz i thought I didnt deserve to which is something I still believe n i just feel so guilty all the time that no matter what i just cant cry. I can't sleep at night and it just feels like im going back downhill so fast that it seems as tho the past 4-5 months were nothing and now im back to how i used to be.. for the longest of time after i got better it just felt so weird to me as if it was the first time i could feel what "happy" feels like so i took a really long time to actually get used to it.. like not necessarily "happiness" but just feeling anything other than hate and guilt and just wanting to die all the time.. im sorry this turned into a much longer rant than i intended it to be.. and thankyou for listening. And i just wanted to say that.. youre doing great. Thankyou :)

Post | Well you’re doing great too, for speaking up about something that you have been dealing with. It’s hard when no one around you cares enough to give mental health the attention it needs. If you ever feel completely hopeless, remember there are hotlines and online counselors to turn to. Sometimes you have to do things for yourself and that’s okay. Not everyone is going to understand your struggles, so acting on them yourself is the only option. You can continue using my inbox as an outlet too and I’m sure my lovely followers will show nothing but support alongside myself. I hope that you can smile even a little bit more to get back to that happiness too, even if it means turning to kpop and watching a silly crack video or listening to your favorite songs ❤️

#chaoticdreaminisode #minion asks #minion rants

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bow-wow-wark-wark · 3 years ago

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Hiii happy 4th hypmic anniversary, I know it's been like 3 days since the actual anniversary but *shrugs* anyways I wanted to answer the questions from this post to celebrate!! (This is going to be a long post lol, this just brings a ramble instinct in me)

1. How and when did you get into HyplMic?

I got into hypmic during the end of September/ start of October of last year, it feels like a lot of time and very little at the same time lol... so many people in the fandom have liked this for super long!! I got into it bc of someone I followed on twitter, they would talk about it sometimes and I was getting a bit sick of the music I listened too so I thought "why not expand my music taste?" Little that I know It was going to become the only thing I listened too lol. I also saw this like "a hypmic characther once said" video and I thought it was soooo funny I just had to get into it. I'm honestly surprised hypmic started in 2017 bc I was going through a god awful musical phase and knowing I could have liked it earlier in life amuses me (tho back then I thought anime was silly so it wouldn'thave happened either).

2. First impressions of the characters? Who stuck out the most?

(Another long one soz) I'm going to do most of them btw.

Buster bros: ichiro was the 1st chara I knew before I got into it, for a bit I had him mixed up with jyushi tho lmao. Tbh I didnt have a very strong opinion on him, I wasn't super into BB at the start 😅 same with jiro, I liked him the most, thought he was really cute. At the start I disliked saburo a bit lol, like he was just soooo mean and I didn't like that, also I wasnt a huge fan of new star at the start so I didnt like him bc of that either.

MTC: I had to fight a lot to openly like mtc, I felt a bit bad liking them at the start bc they're all like criminals and stuff lol. I have to be honest I think that at the start I didnt think about them like at all... the strongest impression here was Rio, he was my favorite also I thought jyuto was hilarious bc of the start of bayside smoking blues, I really liked his voice too.

Fling posse: ok so the moment I saw Ramuda I was like "this guy is evil as balls isnt he?" I was pretty right lol, I thought he was a child like saburo at the start bc hes so small, man fooled me there. I liked dice the most at the start, my 1st fanart is of him lol. I didnt have very strong opinions on Gentaro, I was surprised to find out his VA also voiced yamaguchi since I was a haikyuu fan if anything.

Matenro: Lol matenro was my favorite (still is), idk what was it but I saw all of them and I was like: great :D I dont remeber specific impressions tho.... It was almost like love at first sight lol. I remeber I really liked the fact that both hifumi and doppo had tips, I thought it was super cool.

BAT: ok so I also knew who kuuko was before I got into hypmic my actual actual 1st fanart was of him (I did it before I even knew what hypmic was like at all). I really liked him, I remember listening to gyara bam and being like "this guy rules so much", I really liked jyushi, as mentioned before I had him mixed with ichiro (they look nothing a like I dont even know how) I was super shocked to find out he was also a teen lol I was pretty happy. Not gonna lie I had no idea who hitoya was at the start (rip) I knew kuuko I knew jyushi but I didnt know him, I dont remeber being very big on him till like the dramas and getting more into hypmic bc before nothing nada.

Dotsuhon: lol I slept on dotsuhon for the looongest time, I literally only liked sasara, rosho and rei were just really there for me. Sasara was my favorite bc I loved his voice and tragic transitor gace me unrivaled latino vibes so he felt very close to me in a sense. I thought rei was a scumbag the moment I laid eyes on him.

3. Who was the first character you liked?

My 1st favorites before I found out about bat and dotsuhon where jiro and hifumi!! I really liked their voices and like over all attitude and stuff.

4. Which was the first Division you liked?

My favorite was matenro, they were just so cute and I liked how they were pretty chill and just had fun most of the time. Like how they tried looking all edgy and intimidating but they were all nice guys lol.

5. How have your favorites changed?

Not much lol my favorite is still hifumi tho know I have jyushi and Otome if were ranking on like top 3. I love all the charas now tho!!! Lol these are just my bigger ones. Division wise now my favorite is mtc, followed by bat I'm still a matenro stan tho!! All divisions have done some big growing on me so I love all of them anyways.

6. What was the first song you listened to?

The 1st song I listened to was battle anthem, I was super convinced it was the 1st hypmic song so I was surprised to hear it was division rap battle lol.

7. What's your favorite solo song?

Ghhhh this is so hard to choose... I actually like basically every single hypmic song.... if we're talking only 1t set that's easier to choose. Um that would be sensenfukoku, drops and champagne gold, I like all the mtc ones so I cant choose. Second set every single one is amazing so I cant choose either, tho at the start I disliked most of them somehow...

8. What's your favorite group song?

Ok at 1st i thought it was like an all division song but I just read it and it's just group song in general.... I love all of them but one of my biggest comfort songs is papillion so I'll say papillion. If were talking all stars songs that's easier tho: in no particular order its hoodstar (just heard the + ver and it slapped), survival of the illest+, glory or dust and hang out.

9. Which songs do you think are slept on?

Mmmmm I personally have no idea which songs people like more in general but I have seen a bunch of "my favorite hypmic moments" videos so I'll base it on that. I'll personally say any mtc song lol, in those videos theres always a surprising lack of mtc so yeah.

10. Do your favorite songs come from your favorite Division?

Yes, tho it's really no problem bc I like all songs😅

11. Objectively, who do you think is the best rapper?

I had never heard a lot of rapping till hypmic so I have no idea what good rapping is lol... I personally thinks everyone does a good job, I guess someone else can school me on that.

12. Which composers for HypMic do you listen to?

None... I honestly dont like know who composes which song.... I know very little about music and I dont look into it so I cant answer this one either.

13. If you had to get someone into HypMic with one song what would it be?

Oh :0 well I'm not very sure but if anything I think the way to go would be an all stars song bc you can get the feel of each division pretty good, then if they like that introduce them to other stuff. Of course this all depends on the person lol... my brother really likes strong songs so to him battle anthem was a good hook up... I quite personally would go for survival of the illest bc it has a good feel of the divisions and it's very silly which is a series staple.

14. Do you play ARB? Drop your friend code for people reading!

Nooooo I dont 🤧😢 I really want to but I dont think I would have space on my phone, besides idk how to download it, if you have to pay for it I dont have money and if it's only in japanese I'm learning at snails speed so I wouldnt understand it *cries a little* I have seen certain events tho, I find it funny.

15. What events are you hoping to see? What character combos do you hope will show up together?

Mmmm idk I have a post about but I'll love to see a sasara jakurai interaction, I'm pretty sure one has already happened but I want this funny man to interact with jakurai more. Some people mentioned that they would like to see more interactions between kuuko and samatoki and I agree, wheres that side of the mad comic dialogue line up? I'll also like to see hitoya and samatoki bc they're both into vintage stuff ish, like fashion wise so I think it would be interesting to see. Last I want a jyushi/jiro interaction idk of there's any but there needs to be I need them to interact!!! Or maybe saburo jyushi that would also be interesting.

16. Are you into any ships?

Yes!!! I'm a little shy talking about ships not going to lie so I don't talk about it too much lol. I like samajyu a normal amount, I also like ichikuu, jiroshi, hifudo and hitojaku. I like a lot of other ships too tho, like ot3 mtc is good so is fling posse tho my favorite is ramugen. Hypmic has a bunch of cute ships so it's hard not to enjoy most.

17. Do you have a yume/self-ships? Platonic or romantic.

Not really lol, I have considered reading self insert before but I always feel a bit embarrassed. If you do you're super poggers tho.

Ok I'll keep answering in another post bc this is getting super long and the next question is one I want to say a lot about again. Umm if you happen to see this and want to answer them too fell free to!! You can tag me if you want as well, I love seeing others opinions about like hypmic and stuff so feel free too. If you want to comment on something I said you're free to do so as well

#this is so long #km not sorry tho 😈#ok maybe a bit #this questions really bring that animal instinct in me lol #brains is being replaced by hypmic sorry #im not tagging bc #long post #ramble post #you can block the ramble tag if you dont want to see this lol #also if theres mispelling in this ignore it #i cant spell or read #this really is so long im so sorry.... ill make sure to cut the next one earlier if it gets too long

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flowerslightning · 4 years ago

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The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7 remake #cloud strife #final fantasy vii #biggs #biggs final fantasy #ffvii biggs #mygif #character analysis

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 5 years ago

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Rose Coloured Glasses - Part 3

A/N - Thank you all for reading so far! This is more of a filler chapter just to move it along. More to come soon! Please like and share if your enjoying it 💕

When i came home with Frank yesterday i didn't expect him to stick around, but here i was waking up in a tangled naked mess with him...my body aching in the most amazing ways.

I stopped my alarm from going off so i didn't wake him and slipped out of bed to have a shower before Andy arrived to pick me up for work.

"Where are you going?" i heard Frank mumble as i pulled on clean underwear, i turned to look at him with a huge smile, the man truly was beautiful.

"I gotta go to work"

"Call in sick, stay in bed with me all day"

"As tempting as that offer is.... i cant, Andy is picking me up in 10 minutes"

"Oh.... i could have taken you"

"I didn't know you'd still be here" i said honestly.

"I can go if its a problem...."

"Its not, i'm glad you stayed" i smiled leaning over to kiss him, his hands gripped my hips and pulled me into his lap so i was straddling his waist.

"Frank! I dont have time for this..." i moaned feeling his hard length pressing against me as he kissed my neck.

"We can be quick...."

"Im gonna be late....." i laughed using all my will power to crawl off his lap, i was just at the end of the bed when he dived at me and we fell to the floor laughing.

"Call your boss and tell him you don't need a ride, i'll take you"

"I can't his probably already outside" i reached down and quickly kissed him again before getting up and rushing to my wardrobe, i pulled on a black polkadot dress and some black pumps before quickly tying my hair up.

When i came back into the bedroom Frank was still laying on my bedroom floor only wearing his tight black boxers that didnt hide anything.

"Well damn.... you make it so hard to leave"

"Im staying right here til you get back"

"I'll be back at 5:30" i knelt down and kissed him "you can stay if you like?"

I got up grabbing my purse and a jacket before making my escape. If i didn't leave now i'd be calling in sick!

As i thought, Andy was already parked outside waiting for me in his black Audi.....Im not sure how long he had been there but the engine wasn't running.

"Morning" i greeted him with a smile which he returned.

"Morning"

"Sorry to keep you waiting"

"its fine i was a little early anyway"

"Thanks again for coming to pick me up, i get my car back later today"

"They sorted that quick" he said as he started the car and began the drive to the office.

"Yeah something to do with a cracked cylinder head or something? I have no clue" i chuckled "i'm completely hopeless when it comes to cars"

"Me too!" He admitted smiling over at me. The rest of the journey was spent with idle chit chat just to fill the silence.

Frank: Ur music selection sucks BTW!

Frank texted me around 11am, i couldn't help but laugh quietly to myself.

Y/N: don't listen to it then lol 🤣

Frank: But im bored!

Y/N: Find something to watch on Netflix, its all signed in.

Frank: Just come home, you'll keep me busy 😜

Y/N: ....

My desk phone rang i looked at the display to see it was Andy calling.

"Hello" i answered on the second ring.

"Hey, could you come to my office real quick please?"

"Sure, i'm on my way" i got up grabbing my notebook and a pen incase he needed me to take some notes down.

"Come on in" he smiled as i reached his office door.

"What can i do for you?"

"I have to head up to Vermont, an old friend of mine called in a favour"

"Okay, what do you need?"

"I need you to come with me" he said looking at me with an apologetic grimace on his face.

"What?.... why?"

"Honestly? im gonna be swamped, i need you to be there to help keep my diary updated, grab me coffee and lunch.... i know it sounds boring as hell but i'll pay you double. I usually take Susan on these kinda things but as you know she's home sick with the flu"

Susan was the older woman who had been Andy's PA for years before i started working here, she was about to retire and i was her replacement.

"When?"

"Tomorrow, should be for a day, two at the most. I'll book a hotel and cover expenses"

"Sure, if you need me to...."

"It would be a huge help"

"Okay" i nodded but couldnt help but think it was strange that he wanted me to go with him.

"Thank you Y/N, i owe you! I'll pick you up at 7am i like to get on the road early"

"Sure, not a problem" i smiled and went back to my desk, missing the smug smile that quickly crossed Andy's face.

I left work a little early so i could go collect my car that was now fixed and headed home. I was surprised to walk in to the smell of cooking!

"Whats all this?" I asked Frank raising my eyebrows in question when i walked into the kitchen to find him at the stove wearing my apron.

"Oh hey! Your home!" He smiled turning to me and kissing me quickly "how was work?"

"Strange...... seems to be the theme of today"

"Sorry, is this weird? I just.... i was bored so i thought id cook you dinner" Frank said scratching his jaw looking a little nervous.

"Its not weird" i chuckled "more unexpected"

"Well see, its completely selfish on my part really...." he said sliding me a glass of white wine.

"How so?"

"Because i plan to keep you busy for the rest of the night soooo, its only fair i feed you first" he grinned making me roll my eyes at him.

"Okay Romeo" i shook my head laughing at him, he really was something! "How long til its ready?"

"10 minutes tops?"

"Great, i've just gotta go throw an overnight bag together real quick then i'm all yours" i pressed a quick kiss to Franks lips and headed to my bedroom.

As i packed a few change of clothes and toiletries i couldnt help but think about how easy it was having Frank here....Id only known him a day for christ sake!

"Y/N, foods ready" he called as i zipped up the bag.

"Okay i'll be right there".

Dinner was spaghetti and meatballs and it was honestly the best id had, it was his grandma's recipe apparently.

"So how come your packing an overnight bag?" Frank asked halfway through dinner.

"Oh, i've gotta go to Vermont with Andy for a day or two. He asked me to go with him this afternoon" i shrugged

"Isn't that a little odd?"

"I don't know, he said Susan used to go with him"

"Who's Susan?"

"His PA i'm replacing"

"The old chick?"

"Yeah"

"But he didn't have a thing for Susan"

"Frank don't start that again...."

"I bet his wife doesn't know his asked his sexy as hell PA to accompany him on his little business trip" he shook his head.

"You jealous?" I smirked trying to make a joke of it before it got to serious.

"What if i am?"

"I thought this was just fun?" I motioned between the two of us.

"So did i..... but i cant stop thinking about you...."

"You have no reason to be jealous, Andy is my boss nothing more. I like this with us, whatever it is...."

"So i can see you again when you get back from Vermont?"

"I think that can be arranged".

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit

Rose Coloured Glasses taglist: @readermia @princess-evans-addict @jennmurawski13

#sebastian stan #chris evans #andy barber x reader #EB!Frank x reader #frank x reader #rose coloured glasses #endings beginnings #defending jacob #reader insert #bucky x reader #steve x reader

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autisticstarseed · 5 years ago

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👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable.

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible.

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home.

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you.

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands.

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case.

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

#nt/allistic ppl can totally reblog btw!! just dont clown like thats literally all i ask man cuz tbh #im trying to help ppl form a hygiene habit while my nd struggle was ignored and worsened by ppl being shitty to me so to be blunt ig #im helping people by giving alternatives and coping skills and all ur doing is being ableist and expecting ppl to 100% conform so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#whos really the ...~~~~~ pro recovery~~~~ one. here #hint its me sit down rude ass #long post #im scared to put in nd tags but sjgsjddsj we're JUMPIGN THE SHARK #sensory processing disorder #spd #autism #actuallyautistic #asd #adhd #sensory overload #original

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itstheapocalypsebaby · 5 years ago

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TUA Power HCs Part 1!

Luther

Discovered them at age 3 (He was the first)

He accidentally broke one of their nannies fingers

Had trouble controlling his strength (still does)

For personal training Reginald first made him build up his body

Because just cause he had incredible strength, didnt mean his body could take said strength

He used to accidentally break his arms when he used too much strength

They always healed fast though

As if they never broke to begin with

Baby Luther used to hide the fact that he broke/sprained/bruised his arms, legs, basically any part of his body because he felt like a failure whenever he got hurt

Later in life (maybe at 10?) Reginald discovers that Luther not only is super strong but also had super endurance

(Special Training was not fun that year, Reginald wanted to see how long he could last without food, water, air, shelter, etc.)

After that year, special training was a mix between building up his strength (weight lifting heavier and heavier objects every week) and building up his endurance (running around the room carrying a crap ton of weights, carrying a really really heavy weight and Reginald seeing how long he could carry it before his body gave out)

Diego

They first discovered his ability to breathe underwater first

Diego unlike his sibling absolutely adored bath time as a child

He would stay in the tub for hours if he could

One time his nanny had to leave him in the tub because one of his siblings was having a tantrum

She comes back to a sleeping Diego

Who's asleep in the tub

submerged in water

Was lowkey jealous of his siblings' powers while growing up

Reginald was so disappointed in him for having such a "useless ability"

Poor baby took it into heart :(

Special Training was awful before he found out his secondary power

Reginald wanted to see how long Diego could last underwater (he discovers Diego could last an indefinite amount of time down there)

He stopped liking water after that

He finds out about his secondary power at age 6

He likes to help Grace in cooking and usually cuts up the vegetables for her

He gets really good with the knife

So when Reginald demands he learns to wield a weapon he immediately chooses the knife

At first its was all stabby stabby but then one of his siblings goads him enough to rashly throw the knife at them

His aim is perfect. The knife is sailing through the air, going exactly where he wants it to be, except he wanted it to be in their head and oh god Diego panics, he didnt mean to throw that knife he never meant to hurt his siblings and he loves them and -

The knife is sailing towards his sibling's head and then it suddenly curves

Diego runs up to his sibling and hugs them and apologizes

Diego never wanted to pick up a knife after that

But then through some persuasion (Allison), he forgets the incident and picks it up again

Special training is all about accuracy and precision. All about moving targets, really tiny targets, living targets

Reginald wanted to know how much he could curve, what could he curve and all that jazz

Diego learns Physics because its an absolute must

(He learns how hard he has to throw for it to curve that much, how fast it needs to be to keep in the air even after it curves, how heavy should the knife be if he wants this specific result)

At first its hard and because he can curve anything he likes through pure instinct why does he need to learn Math?

But Reginald wants him to be as accurate as possible

(He motivates Diego by putting Mom and his siblings in situations where one false error could lead to their deaths)

He learns physics quickly

(Five and him bond over physics, Five helps him, He helps Five until Five gets too advanced and well...)

He actually gets super good and can do equations on the fly

People are constantly surprised at the amount of math needed for his powers

Allison

as a kid had absolutely no control on when her powers would activate

it would activate all the time leading to a lot of accidents

one time she snapped at Klaus to stop talking and he couldnt speak until she was able to reverse it

Reginald decided the best way for her to control it was through trigger phrases

she went through a lot of them because it wasnt cool enough for her

there was "listen up", "somebody once told me" (someone always interrupted her, usually Klaus, with the world was gonna roll me so she dropped it after like 3 uses) and a bunch more before settling on the iconic™ "I heard a rumor'

early on she learned that she had to be very precise with the wording or else the rumor wouldnt turn out the way she wanted it to

so special training was mainly focused on her wording, her pronunciation, and her learning other languages

allison is fluent in italian, french, spanish, mandarin, filipino, somali, she also can speak in a bunch of other languages but isnt super fluent

allison was actually pretty ok with special training until she was 10

thats when reggie brought in actual real life people

until that point she had only rumored her siblings (reginald actively encouraged it as long as he wasnt the one who got rumored) and occasionally the businessmen who came over to talk deals and shit

reggie was smart and only brought in people he was sure no one would miss, homeless hobos, drug addicts, people who lived by themselves and didnt have much family or any family at all

at first few meetings, she could stomach the feeling of wrongness

it was still easy for her to reason that what she was doing wasnt really wrong after all the commands she was issuing were really mild (like i heard a rumor you stubbed your toe, i heard a rumor you could play the piano perfectly)

they were just testing the reach of her powers

(could it rewrite your brain? create illusions, hallucinations? make you gain talents you never had? make you feel things?)

(reginald already knew her rumors could affect the memory, no need to test that, same thing with if her rumors could affect herself)

but then the more they pushed the boundaries the darker the rumors, the harder it was to stomach this sense of wrongness that threatened to swallow her whole

(could it override survival instincts? could it fake relationships? could it wreck relationships? can the human mind take multiple rumors at once? how about multiple conflicting rumors? how many rumors does it take to break the mind?)

its a lot easier to deal with special training when you cant remember

(but in her dreams she cant forget, she wakes up screaming, absolutely terrified and cant remember why)

Klaus

at first thought everyone could see the ghosts

actually he thought they werent ghosts cos they didnt appear to him with their death injuries

realized they were dead people when he accidentally walked through them

at first the ghosts were ok (they were mostly the nannies vanya killed so they were nice) they were loud and sobbed really really loud all the time but they didnt actively seek him and so he didnt actively seek them either

he still didn't like his powers even back then when they werent as bad as they are now

since he didnt really have any interest in his powers, reginald forced him to use them more, to explore them

klaus really didn't want to talk to any ghost so Reginald locks klaus into the mausoleum for the first time

this is where everything goes to shit btw

Klaus is absolutely terrified because these ghosts arent like the ghosts in the mansion (the nannies)

these ghost were malicious and horrible and they were dead for so long that they lost any sense of self or humanity in them

this is where klaus develops his fear of the ghost and his powers

this is where klaus loses a grip on his powers and it causes horrible repercussions

he sees the way they died now

and it terrifies him even more

from ages 8 to 11 hes facing the full force of his powers whenever hes trapped in the mausoleum

every session his fear gets worse and worse

the ghosts appearance actually reflects on how he feels about them actually

thats why ben and dave dont look awful

and why the rest of the ghost do

klaus loves ben and dave

he's absolutely terrified of the rest of them

he discovers that drugs numb their abilities when one of them gets hurt badly during training and is on really heavy pain medication

maybe it Five who broke 5 ribs when sparring because luther forgot to control his strength

Five couldn't jump at all when he was on those meds and he hated it

but Klaus? the moment he put two and two together he jumped at the opportunity to temporarily get rid of his powers

he would purposely get super banged up during training just to get rid of his powers and it scared the living shit out of his siblings

they ask him to stop and he does, he doesnt like it when he scares his siblings

but the ghosts get too much and klaus is severely tempted to fuck himself up to get that sweet relief that the pain meds provide

he stumbles upon Reggies alcohol cabinet and discovers that while getting drunk doesnt exactly cut off his powers it gives him this buzz that makes it a lot more bearable

he discovers drugs when he sneaks out one night to get more booze

he starts off with weed and gets hooked

the ghosts are always worse after coming down so he scrambles to get high as soon as possible

he doesnt try anything harder until ben dies

after ben dies he spirals

TUA Power HCs Part 2 is coming up in a bit, ask me if you wanna get tagged for it :)

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kaguraspetsims · 4 years ago

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[[MORE]]

Hey guys sorry for the absence, work has been...shitty. like, it's making me so depressed and anxious that I'm losing sleep. I'll tell some stories in a second but like for those of you who want a tldr the assistant manager training me has some personal vendetta against me for some reason and is literally making my life hell.

So, just so we are clear: I have worked at this store for 1 and a half months. I dont remember if I've ever said the company I work for but I will say it's a pizza place.

At this store we have the store manager (call him R) and 3 assistant managers (P, A, and me).

A has been at this store for 2 years, P is the one that trains new AMs. A became an AM like...half a month ago. I have no prior experience in this company so I'm trying to learn the basics PLUS manager stuff.

So to try and keep things easy to follow, after my first week or so there P has me sit down with her and she asks me how I am able to learn better. I explain to her that I need positive reinforcement and I need to be told if I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it wrong so that I dont form bad habits and have to relearn things. I also explained to her that I have short term memory loss, which is the reason I'm so unconfident when trying to portion toppings.

The gist if what she told me was this: I learn fast and I need to stop second guessing myself bc that slows me down and therefore slows the whole process down. And I was like yes I will accept this is true and try to do better. She also said she'd stop answering complicated questions I had, which I understood as anything that could not be answered with a yes or no.

So the weeks are going on and I learn several things about how this place works out.

I am short, shit is taller than me. I'm told to ask for help when I need it.

I quickly learn that when I ask for help, depending on what it is I'm asking for and how her mood is, P will get irritated as fuck with me for asking. Example: we have guides on how to build certain food items. Theres a lot of shit on the menu. The guides are very hard for me to reach. So when I ask for help getting a guide so I can try learning the build, I either get it tossed at me or I get told what to put on it in a disappointed or irritated tone. (Keep in mind I'm not being told the portioning for these toppings unless I ask for those too, to which I get an annoyed "I don't know off the top of my head.")

So I decided that if I have a question about what goes on what builds, I will try to list off all the toppings I remember and be like "that's what's on it right?" I figured this way they know I'm trying to learn them, I'm retaining at least SOMETHING, and if theres an ingredient or two off they can correct those.

Yeah the last time I did that P turned around and totally ignored me. And it turns out I was correct about all the toppings on it.

Now skip to about a week and a half ago, I'm finally learn how to stretch dough. Every time I have tried to stretch this shit has been during rush. At this point I have only worked rush shifts, which are shit for training, but when I've come in earlier I learn how to prep food, and so I literally dont get a lot of one on one time with someone who can actually sit there and train me. And when I DO have the chance to have one on one time, it's usually with P and she usually leaves me to make as much as possible while she goes to the back to chat with people who are waiting to take deliveries.

I end up getting so frustrated that I start taking shit out on myself, basically telling myself that I cant do anything right and that I've peaked and that I'm never going to get better. I tell P this and she tries halfheartedly to get me to breathe and keep going.

Mow skip to this week. I'm told I will close Monday and Tuesday (yesterday and the day before) I'm told I'll be trained how to close.

Monday comes up. I get there at 5:30. A gets thre at 5. We work thru rush and A tells me he will stay with me till P gets there around 10 just in case we get a night rush. Keep in mind this is P's day off and A had offered to help train me since he was already there.

So 10:30 rolls around and P finally shows up. She comes inside only to tell A he should have left at like 8 or 9. You know. Leaving me alone on my first closing night when I still cant make an entire one pizza on my own under 3-5 minutes.

So A leaves. One of the drivers is there bc he has to be (we can call him T). P tells T hes going to do most if not all the cleaning so she can show me how to do inventory and enter shit in the computer. She says when he finishes he can leave ahead of us bc we were (supposedly) going to be there for a few hours.

So for about 2 hours I'm told how to find things on the computer and finish inventory. Most of those two hours is just me entering shit in the computer or her talking on the phone with a friend.

At one point she says to T that shes just teaching me computer shit now, and on Tuesday she'd teach me how to break down and clean the area where all the food is.

At 12:30-12:45 she says shes going to leave and for me to call her when I'm done counting money so that she can tell me the rest of what I have to do. This sends off panic bells in my head. Not only has she NOT FINISHED TEACHING ME SHIT, I'm about to leave a store by myself in the middle of fucking nowhere with no overhead lights. I felt unsafe leaving the gamestop I worked at during the night even tho there were parking lot lights and usually small crowds at the walmart next door, and I never left that building by myself.

So I'm just ask "can T stay so I'm not leaving here by myself and I dont risk my safety?"

The response I got was basically P saying she forgot I was weak and fragile. So she decided to stay and fi nng ish helping me on the computer, which, btw, was another 15 minutes or so of her staying???

Also fun news I get at this point is that P will NOT be closing with me tuesday night. I'm on my fucking own with T! :)

So then I'm helping clean shit bc apparently we're behind (it's like 1 am at this point) and P (who did the entire food area by her damn self) finally leaves around 1:15. T has been really nice and stays with me to help me put the last of shit together before we leave.

I dont get home till 2 monday night.

Skip to tuesday night. I get in at 4:45. A and P are there. Ahas been told by P he MUST leave by 9. She leaves at like 6:30.

I learn a few things after she leaves from multiple people.

A has been here 2 years, and P not only stayed with him till 3 am breaking every little thing down and showing him everything, but he ALSO was given the opportunity to close with her for about 2 or 3 nights before he closed by himself.

I have been there an entire month and a half, got told how to do ALMOST everything ONE time, and the very next night I'm closibg hy myself.

I have trained for (almost) 2 hours how to close at this point. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I start getting order after order. The drivers are out doing their jobs so I'm literally in the whole store by myself trying to figure shit the fuck out bc i was basically left to fend for myself. Spoiler alert, I'm not very fucking good at this.

To make a long story short, a bunch of shit went wrong tuesday night. T is trying his best to help me learn things, but he doesnt know how to do everything bc hes not in a manager position. He even says to me at one point "it just seems like you've been set up to fail." Granted I was complaining about the fact that I didn't get fucking training, but he said that shit on his own. He pointed shit out that I had been thinking about.

Again, skip to about 3 am. I have my final call with P. She proceeds to tell me several things:

You should not be there more than an hour after close.

Your inventory variance should not be that high.

Just finish up what you're doing and leave, what's done is done and what's not is not.

Then she asks me "do you see what you need to improve on?"

At that point I nearly snapped. How the FUCK can I know what to improve on when theres no one there to give me fucking feedback?? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I literally scrambled all fucking night to ATTEMPT to do shit right which, apparently, it still wasnt good enough. I was given a whole ~2 hours to learn ALMOST everything to close. R doesnt get out when he closes till about 2 hours after the store closes, so why the fuck am I being picked on when I had fucking not even 2 whole hours of training?

I have never EVER told myself to quit without putting in a two weeks notice before. I'm going to talk to R about this shit before I just up and leave at this point. I'm attempting to find another job in the meantime but the toll that these past few weeks has had on my mental health is just fucking astounding. The last time I had that kind of a meltdown after work was a year ago when I worked at the fucking kennel and a dog got hurt and no one answered me.

Oh, btw, that kennel? The one owned privately by a single person, that wasnt a franchise or anything? Yeah, as much as those communication skills sucked, it was leagues better than the communication at this establishment I'm at now. And that's saying a fucking lot.

#not fr #personal #long post #negative #super fucking negative #i feel like i cant get away from this bullshit #if its not with family its at work

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horansqueen · 5 years ago

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AM Conversations : chapter 24

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k. -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- of course i wasnt going to make you wait for them to get friends again. it had to be done quickly. but it was needed for Niall to realize that he cant be without her, you know? also, there will be more drama in the next chapters i believe.

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- thanks for being patient btw! i work a lot these days and will work even more in the next few weeks (until halloween) so i may not update as often as i’d like. :(

-please, message me, give me feedbacks, it would mean sooo much to me!

Chapter 24 : His chapter

NIALL

I never thought i'd ever have to get over my best friend. I never thought i'd ever lose her at all. But I had to be honest with myself. She was gone, and she had been gone for a while now. A day had turned into a week and a week into 5 more, and there was only one way I found to take my mind off of Liv, at least for a couple hours a day. It was Maya. I asked her on a few dates and after a while, I had no choice but to accept being official. We didn't announce it but we had been seen together and every time a new picture of us appeared online, I couldn't help but wonder if Olivia had seen it and if that made her even angrier at me.

She was not dating Harry or at least, if she was, they had been very discreet about it. They were seen together but never hand in hand or showing affection. They were probably keeping that private and I couldn't lie and pretend it didn't twist my stomach. I felt like they were best friends now and although I knew it sounded juvenile, I couldn't help but be slightly jealous.

I wanted to call her, text her or even go see her more than anything but I didn't. I was trying to respect that she needed time away from me even if it was killing me. Meanwhile, I was trying to keep myself busy and I couldn't pretend Maya wasn't helping. I had been writing a lot, too, throwing my feelings into songs. I had never been the best when it came to expressing my emotions and the only way i could really do it was through music.

"Still writing?"

I suddenly got out of my thoughts and looked up, meeting the eyes of my girlfriend who sat in front of me at the kitchen's table. She bent closer, trying to read what I was writing but I quickly closed my notebook and sent her a small smile.

"Sorry, not really in the mood to share." I explained, shaking my pen between two of my fingers.

Her smile faded and she shrugged. With time, I had learned to decipher most of her body language and expression and I knew that she was hurt and a bit jealous. It was tough with Maya, she was not straightforward the way Olivia was and most of the time I had to guess what she wanted and how she felt. I had to admit it made the relationship harder to deal with and way more exhausting than it should be.

We remained in silence for a few minutes as I tried to decide if I wanted to ask her what was wrong, or if I just wanted to let go and pretend nothing was happening. It's not that I didn't feel anything for Maya. In fact, I had affection for her and I cared about her, but at the same time, there was something missing. It was not her, she was not the problem. The problem was me and how I couldn't seem to be totally happy without my best friend.

"Can I ask you something?"

I stopped breathing but dared looking up at Maya who had tilted her head and was now playing with her fingers. I knew that whatever that question was about, it would bring a painful conversation and I really was not in the mood. Still, I nodded gently.

"Do you love me, Niall?"

Of all the questions I thought she could ask, this would never have crossed my mind. My lips parted and my eyebrows raised as I tried to find a nice way to answer her.

"Maya, we've been dating for less than a month, I mean, I just don't catch feelings like that, you know? Love is a big deal."

"Fine." she replied a little roughly. "Then just tell me this, do you think you'll ever be able to love me as much as you love her?"

She had put emphasis and maybe a bit of disgust on the last word and although I knew exactly who she was talking about, I simply frowned and leaned against my chair, pretending not to understand.

"Don't act like you don't know who i'm talking about, Niall." she pointed out, her facial expression turning into an angry one. "Just answer me and be honest."

I sighed a bit louder than intended and crossed my arms on my chest. I knew it would be painful and i was right.

"I don't know okay?" i let out meanly, shaking my head and bringing one of my hands on my face. "I've known her since we were kids, she's my best friend, she was always there for me and me for her, we did almost everything together. I've never been away from her except when i was on tour and it sucked so much that I invited her on the last one. What are you asking me, Maya? You want me to compare my relationship with you to the one I have with her? Do you really want that?"

Silence. A heavy silence that weighed on both of us until she just shook her head.

"No." she let out firmly before getting up. "I don't really want that."

I remained sitting while she grabbed her stuff and waited until I heard the front door open and close to rub my eyes and groan low. Was it always going to be like that when i'd date a girl? Was I cursed to live this conversation over and over again? What will happen when it comes to someone I really have feelings for? Would it be ruined because of my friendship with Olivia? I opened my eyes suddenly, realizing that maybe that was exactly why Liv was gone. Maybe our friendship was threatening what she was building with Harry and she decided to pick him over me. The thought made something boil inside me and I tried to calm myself. I was not even sure that it was the reason she left but it would be very bad if it was, especially after telling me the opposite before.

Quickly, I got up and walked to the living room, sitting down and grabbing my laptop. I felt my leg shake as I was waiting for it to open up and I didn't even have to type up the address : the page simply opened, telling me I hadn't closed it last night.

Since we stopped talking, I had read somewhere that Olivia started working again. Her dad had a web site and she wrote a few articles for him online, most of the being reviews of recent movies playing in theaters even if a few times, she had the chance to see them before. I had read every single critics she wrote and left a few comments but I had never heard from her. I also stared way too long at her picture in the small circle at the beginning of every article and it was a bit sad. I didn't know you could become obsessed with someone to the point of stalking them online.

I sighed, quickly typing a comment on her latest work and shook my head after clicking 'enter'.

'Can't believe you saw this movie without me 😝'

With an other sigh, I closed the top of my laptop and leaned against the couch, rubbing my eyes again. Every single day, I fought the need to call her and every single day, I stayed an hour just laying in bed, in the dark, wondering what we would talk about if she was here with me. A few times, I would feel Maya cuddle me but tonight, I would definitely be alone.

I had thought about asking Harry to talk to her for me but changed my mind quickly. I also thought about asking him how she was doing but I felt like she would be mad for intruding her life when she had clearly asked for a break, so I didn't do anything. In fact, I hadn't talked to Harry ever since that ridiculous double date and I was fine with it. I had no reason to be mad at him but I was and I resented him for somehow taking my best friend away from me, as if it was his fault.

I was thinking about taking a shower when my phone beeped. I groaned, thinking it was probably Maya who wanted to talk about what had happened between us and I almost didn't check but it beeped for a second time and I searched through my pants to find it.

'We can always go see it again together if you want to.' was the first message I saw, making me sit up better and blink a few times.

'I miss you Nee' was the second one I received and with this one, I swallowed hard.

I remained motionless, my fingers over the keyboard that appeared on my screen, trying to decide what to answer. I wanted to beg her to come back or ask her what took her so long to message me but instead, I licked my lips and typed down how I really felt.

'I fucking miss you too.'

I knew it was pathetic but I stayed there, staring at my phone, until she answered again. It's not like I could think about anyone or anything else anyway.

'A drink? My place?'

I felt my heart twist at the thought of getting my best friend back. I felt like we had so much to talk about even if we had been apart only a few weeks and I jumped off my couch, typing my answer.

'I'll be there in 10'

It took me exactly 8 minutes until I was ringing her doorbell and she quickly let me in. I literally ran up the stairs and knocked at the door which opened immediately. There she was, standing in front of me, looking exactly how I remembered, except maybe for a few small details I couldn't put my fingers on.

"Hey, you look amazing." I let out, panting slightly because of my quick ascent.

She chuckled and moved away to let me in, pushing on the door so it would close behind me. I felt like I hadn't stepped foot here in so long and it made me wonder why in hell I hadn't asked her to live with me yet. I was not going to propose her today but I tried to take a mental note to ask her soon.

"I look like crap, but thank you."

I followed her to the kitchen, leaving my jacket on the couch and I watched her open the fridge. I smiled and thanked her when she handed me a beer, noticing she trying to open her own by herself, when she normally asks for my help. I put my own beer down on the table and took a few steps closer, placing my hand on her bottle. My fingers brushed against her and I could swear her eyes became bigger.

"Let me help you." I proposed in a whisper before her fingers loosened from around her beer.

I hadn't been that close to her in a while and her perfume invaded my nose again, the mix of honey and vanilla making me slightly dizzy,

"You smell good." I breathed out after opening her beer.

I close my eyes tight at the stupidity of my words and I expected her to laugh but after a few seconds, I opened my eyes again only to see her staring at me. We were both still holding her drink but neither of us seemed to be able to move and I let my eyes roam on her face. There were so many things stuck in my throat but I just swallowed hard before talking.

"Please, say we can be friends and hang out again." I whispered, almost begging.

Her face softened and her parted lips curled into a fond smile. I don't know what suddenly came over me but I let go of her beer to cup her face and crash my lips against hers. It was a simple kiss, just a way to show her how happy I was that she was back in my life.

"Sorry." I apologized after pulling away slightly. "You know I suck with words."

My face was still close to her and my hands still pressed on her cheeks but she simply chuckled and nodded slowly, staring in my eyes.

"Y-Yeah." she whispered. "I'm not sure what that means either but... okay."

Her voice was soft and I wouldn't have heard her words if she was not so close to me. I smiled at her and shrugged with one shoulder.

"I don't know, just that I missed you."

I watched her lick her lips and put her hands over mine, bringing them down but she squeezed my fingers and I took a step back.

"How about we chat for a bit?" she proposed, raising her eyebrows. "We haven't talked in a while."

We ended up sitting together in the living room and since her couch was smaller than mine, I could feel her leg against mine as we remained silent, drinking our beer and enjoying the silence. It was not awkward, it never was between us, and I put my arm on the back of the couch, catching her attention as she turned to look at me.

"What happened to us, Niall?"

My eyes roamed on her face and I sighed, sitting better and moving closer to her at the same time. She looked sad, like something was hurting her, and I couldn't help but wonder what exactly made her so unhappy : the fact that we had been separated for weeks, or that we were together at this exact moment?

"I don't know, Liv." I started, looking down but not really seeing anything. "Something happened when we came back from the tour and I'm not sure what it is."

When I looked up, I noticed she was staring at me teary-eyed and I felt my heart twist in my chest. She licked her lips and it made me realize I could still taste her on mine. Could that platonic kiss be considered cheating if I liked it? Was it wrong if it tasted good and made me feel even better?

"Did you have time to think?" she asked again, nibbling on her bottom lip now. "Did you find out if it's me you want in your life or if i'm just filling an empty spot?"

I held my breath at how bad her words sounded and moved closer, taking her hands in mine with her face only a few inches away from hers.

"I still maintain what I said." I pointed out firmly. "It's you. I can't be without you."

She nodded and closed her eyes, leaning against the couch with a sigh. I didn't know if it was a sigh of despair or relief but I kept squeezing her fingers. As I looked at her, I thought about Maya's words and started questioning myself. Could it be true? Would my love and friendship with Liv ruin all the relationships i'd ever have? Would I always love her more than all the girls I could ever date? It made no sense to think a friendship could take so much space and I had no idea if it had always been this way or if it was recent.

"How are things going with Maya?" she asked reluctantly, as I remembered that she was gone.

"We had a... misunderstanding. She left."

"I thought you two were official now?"

I looked up in her eyes and sighed, wondering if I should tell her the truth or not but I decided that I would never hide her anything anymore. It brought too much shit into our life to simply lie about a sex story that I didn't want to risk it again.

"We were... are... I don't know. She asked me if I'd ever love her as much as I love you."

Olivia's eyes got bigger and I just shrugged, shaking my head. I didn't know what else to say but I knew she was expecting some explanations and I just let go of her hands to wipe mine on my pants. There was no reason for me to be so nervous but I was and I just inhaled deeply.

"I don't think you realize how jealous of you Maya is."

Olivia's lips were parted and she was looking at me a bit shocked by my revelation. If I wanted to be honest, I felt like Maya's jealousy was extremely obvious but at the same time, i could understand that Liv hadn't noticed it. In the past few weeks, I had realized just how insecure my best friend was and I knew it was partially my fault. She had told me about a few comments she read online, comments that I hadn't even noticed, but I could understand they had hurt her even if I honestly thought she should never give hate any kind of attention.

"What did you tell her."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised that my answer was all she cared about but also by the vulnerability in her voice. Were my words that important? Did it really matter to her that my love for her was stronger than my love for anyone else?

"I told her no to go there, that it wasn't to her advantage."

She stared at me a few more seconds, her eyes roaming on my face, and I was close to tell her how much I loved her when she threw herself in my arms. I held her close to me, pressing her body against mine although we were both sitting in weird position. The hug was a bit awkward but she squirmed closer to me and I buried my nose in her neck and closed my eyes, my arms completely wrapped around her. It felt good and it had been way too long since the last time I held her close to me like that. It made me want to never let go.

I felt my heart twist when she moved away but I let my eyes roam on her face for the hundredth time in the last hour, as if i hadn't seen it in forever, and it really felt like it.

"How are you and Harry?" I asked, almost scared of the answer.

"We're okay."

I knew our couples were not a good discussion to have if only for the fact that so many things happened when we were apart and we were not sure where we stood. We both didn't really agree with those relationships and it was tough to handle for both of us. If I wanted to be honest, I also felt guilty for telling her that I wouldn't date Maya and the doing then opposite but I was grateful she hadn't mentioned it.

"We're staying friends this time, right?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and waiting until her eyes met mine. "Please, Olivia."

She just remained motionless, looking at me with a sad expression, and there was nothing I wanted more than to make her smile. I sighed and without thinking more, I spat awfully in my hand, making her head move back slightly in surprise. Her eyes moved down to the hand I was showing her and then back in my eyes and she smiled. Fondly, this time.

"Best friends forever?"

She chuckled and shook her head before spitting in her hand too. We shook hands and the feeling of our spits spreading in my palm made me grimace in disgust. My face made her laugh loudly and I closed my eyes.

"Best friends forever."

When we took our hands back, we both laughed and just got up, rushing to the sink. We washed out hands together and I glanced at her, noticing that her smile was back. Her happiness had always been a priority for me but it was even more real now that I knew how much I had hurt her in the past.

"Hey, how about we go to the movies, you know? See that movie you watched without me?"

She looked up at she was wiping her hands on a towel and raised her eyebrows, a smile still gracing her lips... the lips I had just kissed a few minutes earlier. Why did I do that?

"Alright, let me get changed."

She rushed to her room and came back ten minutes later. I chuckled and shook my head when my eyes fell on her shirt and I looked up in her eyes again.

"You're not going to wear that, right?"

She grinned, totally amused and glad that it had the effect she most likely expected, and I looked down again only to see five familiar faces, including mine, printed on her shirt.

"A One Direction shirt?"

"Yea, and worn while hanging out with a One Direction boy. I think it fits." she explained, grabbing her purse before pushing her hand between the cushions of her couch, probably searching for something.

"We were like, 16 or something on that shirt!" I pointed out.

"No you were 18, it was not so long ago, remember?" she asked, putting on the cap she had just found in the couch.

"No!" I joked, making her laugh again.

Her eyes met mine and I suddenly felt better, like something had lighted up inside me. I put my hands in my pockets and she walked up to me, tilting her chin up to look at me.

"Are you okay walking around in public with me wearing this shirt?"

At this point, if I wanted to be honest with myself, I was ready to do anything she would ask me to do, if only to make sure I wouldn't lose her again. But I didn't tell her that, I couldn't tell her that.

"Will be tough but yes."

She chuckled, rolling her eyes, and just grabbed my arm, pulling me with her. We took her car and when she parked in front of the movie theater, I rushed out to open her door for her. She got out of the car and I pushed on the door to close it as she stared at me.

"Thank you," she let out, her eyebrows raised. "When did you get so gallant?"

I bent down with a smirk, my face now very close to hers.

"I always was."

I stopped breathing when I saw her eyes drop to my lips and I was wondering if she was thinking about the short and plain kiss I gave her in her kitchen, because I was, and it was annoying.

"Come on." I said after clearing my throat, moving back but wrapping on of my arms on her shoulders. "My treat."

"Thanks, i love your rich ass." she joked as I paid for the tickets.

I turned her way and bent slightly to grab her hand, pulling her inside me with after taking the tickets.

"Now, you're not aloud to laugh at the jokes before they happen, or talk over the characters." I point out, still holding her hand, both our arms stretched as she stood slightly away from me. "I know you. I watched 'Back to the Future' a millionth times with you, you're an ass and you literally tell the dialogues at the same time than the characters. Out loud."

"I'm not an ass!" she laughed, squeezing my fingers.

I pulled on her hand and made her twirl as she laughed more and finally took her closer into an other hug. Her laughter was light and happy and once again, it made my heart twist in my chest. I had missed her so much, way too much. And there was no way I was going to let her go again. I was going to make her my priority, no matter what shit it would get me into.

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan story #niall horan writing #harry styles #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles story #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #my fanfics #i just want to start the next chapter rn lol #so sorry it took me so long guys!

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reeree1500 · 5 years ago

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The Return- Part 5

Guys I'm so sorryyyy!😭I HAD MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK😭 It was actually so bad! And then the fact that Tumblr deleted my whole draft and I had to start it over again🙄 Big surprise towards the end btw😂Anyway here's part 5 y'all...

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 10

Disclaimer: My sucky writing, Incest, grammar and spelling😅 and just overall the whole thing😂 please don’t kill me🙏🏽😂 @yanii-the-hippie is already trying to😂

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @youbloodymadgenius @laketaj24 @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @cainismyname @readsalot73 @wuxiesalt @camatsuru @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @ragnarssonsbitch @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms

Flashback to 6 years ago...

“RUN! (Y/N)! RUN!” Helga screamed...

On that fateful night you had been awakened from your slumber by one very worried Helga. She was the wife of the scary looking man Floki. And you could never come to understand how such a cheerful and radiant person, could be with someone so dark and mean. Helga had come in to the homestead whilst everyone was asleep. She had overheard her husband and Aslaug talk about getting rid of the christian child of Ragnar Lothbrok. She knew about (y/n), but she never thought that an innocent child would have to pay for the sins committed by those around her.

As Helga made her way silently across the home trying to find the child, she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She was betraying her husband and the Queen at that. But she couldn't get over the fact that an innocent child would be murdered. When she sees (y/n)’s and Bjorn’s bodies cuddle up on the bed, she softly approaches the little girls’ side. Tapping her on the shoulder she manages to wake (y/n) up. Startled you go try tp scream and thats when she places her delicate finger over your lips. Signalling you to be quiet. “Follow me, you and your family are in grave danger.” The feeling of wanting to protect your family from anything consumed you. Even being 13 years old you understood that family came first and that you would gladly lay down your life to save theirs. With that, you untangled yourself form Bjorn’s embrace and gave him a small peck on his forehead, then you made your way to your parent’s room. You peeked inside to make sure they were asleep and then tip toeing to where they lay in an embrace you softly kissed both of them goodbye.

You knew that this may very well be the last time you ever saw your parents. But, you could tell through the look in Helga’s eyes that whatever she was talking about your family being in danger was in fact the truth. Helga helped you gather some of your things quickly and as you rushed to the door, you almost forgot your teddy. “Wait, I need to grab my teddy. I cant leave without it, its the only thing I’ll have left of them.” You silently whisper towards Helga as she stands watch by the door. “Ok, but you must hurry. They'll be here any second now. And if they find you, I can assure you that no one will survive.” At that you scurry back towards your room. In there you find a sleepy headed Bjorn almost waking up. “(y/n), what are you doing? Come back to bed, you know we’re gonna start your training tomorrow morning.” He yawns out. “Sorry, I'm just really thirsty. Ill get a glass of water and come back ok?” you murmur to him. Bjorn just nods whilst yawning and goes back to sleep. But before you close the door and disappear you can hear him murmur the words I love you...

Your POV

After the moment that we shared in the Great Hall as a family happened. Mother, father, Bjorn and I had gone down to the lake by the old homestead we once lived in. There we all lied down on the grass and I had caught them all up on what had transpired on that night 6 years ago. “So let me clear this up, Helga...as in Floki’s wife. Broke into our home and kidnapped you and then sent you away on a boat to Frankia...” said Lagertha trying to wrap her head around the subject. “Well, mother I wouldn't really put it like that, but technically yes. She kidnapped me in order to save me and yourselves. Or so she claimed. She didn't really get into details on who was after me. She just told me that my life was in danger and I finally believed her when we were being chased by a group of mercenaries.” I respond to her. In that we all fall into silence. Over looking the lake I can tell that my family is processing all this information. Not only because of how quiet they are at the moment, but because I can feel their eyes on me. As if they believe that I shall vanish right in front of them.

“I missed this... Having my family together, overlooking the lake and just the serene and calming effect that this place has on us.” My father breaks the silence as he looks out towards the lake. He runs his fingers through my mother’s hair. And I cannot help but think about how come they never told me. “Soooo... since we’re all together finally. Can someone tell me how in the name of God and all that is good. No one ever told me about Aslaug and her sons?” With that my father’s fingers come to a stop at the ends of my mother’s long golden locks. “It just went something you tell your child out of the blue, (y/n).” My mother responds for my father. They always did this. Even as a child, when one of them was being questioned. The other would jump in and save them as if the question was directed at them. “But why keep it a secret? I don't understand, if you were married to Aslaug and Ivar and I are the same age that means that you laid with mother during the time you were married to her. Meaning that I have no claim to anything. Im a bastard.” At this my father lifts my mothers head from his lap and turns to me. Rage and sadness is what I am able to detect from his electric blue eyes.

“You are not a bastard child! I will not have you slander my name or your mothers with such lies. Your mother and I are married, in the eyes of both the Christian God and Freyja and Odin. Yes, your mother left me when Aslaug became pregnant with Ubbe. And many years later she came back to me, however I could not let her go. Be it selfishness or pride, she was mine and I am hers. Till death do us part!” At that tears well up in my eyes. Not because Ive just been scolded by my father. But, because this is the first time that I could really say that he has shown me his emotions. The night where we reunited, was only a small glance of emotion. But, this moment here had probably been the closest thing to a heart to heart that I have ever had with my father. He wipes my tears away and then goes to face Lagertha who had also been tearing up through this revelation. And they share a small, but passionate kiss.

I do not know if its just the overwhelming emotion that I’m processing, but I cannot help but bring my finger to my lips and think of a certain ill tempered boy...

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As the hours went by, we had decided to not only renovate and clean up the homestead. But we relieved some of the old memories we had. Bjorn and I decided to get in the water and go for a swim. Whilst Lagertha and Ragnar stayed in the house “cleaning up”. Bjorn and I knew exactly what that meant. As I laugh thinking about the situation that my parents are in. Bjorn sneaks up behind me and dunks my head into the water. I try my hardest to push him away and try to get rid of his hold on my head. My lungs need a break and as I almost felt my self drifting away, Bjorn pulls me back up. Gasping for air and coughing out the water from inside. I turn around and hit Bjorn’s chest as hard as I could muster at the moment. “Bjorn! What the hell!! you could've killed me!” I yell at him through my punches. “Ow..ow.. OW!!!. I was just joking... Jeez woman lose up!” He responds trying to shield himself form my hits. “Well it wasn't funny...”

As I swim towards the shore and go to collect my clothes, Bjorn turns me around and looks into my eyes. “We need to talk. And it’s not something that you are not getting yourself out of.” At this I can only gulp. Did he find out about Ivar and I? Is it possible that Hvitserk told him? No..no, Hvitty wouldn't do that. But then again he’s know the boys his whole life. I have just met them. “What about, big brother?” “Sigurd told me something when we had been waiting for mother’s arrival. And you could say I‘m a little concerned, and I just want to get to the bottom of it.” He says while eyeing me carefully. At that moment before I could respond the sound of the horses hooves could be heard form down the road. Bjorn and I quickly exchange looks and begin to dress immediately. We run towards the homestead and burst through the doors. It seems as whatever mother and father had been up to had just finished.

Seeing our exasperated sighing and how flustered I must have looked father reaches for his sword. “Why are you both so out of breath?” Mother asks wrapping the quilt around herself. “We heard horses down the road. We didn't know if they were friend or foe. And Bjorn didn't have any of his weapons with him.” I manage to get out. At this both father and Bjorn make their way towards the door. Peeking out the one of the small holes Bjorn is able to make out who it was standing outside. “Its the guards accompanied by Ubbe, Hvitserk and Ivar.” Something told me that this would be quite eventful...

--------------------------

Ivar POV

The moment (y/n) and her mother reunited in the great hall brought a tear to everyones eye. I admit that maybe I got a little emotional as well, but no one would ever know that. However, I noticed that my beautiful mother had left the room with rage and tear filled eyes. I had never seen my mother go through so many emotions in one day. She went from having a good blessed morning to having a shit hole day with that whore Lagertha coming back. I mean she gave birth to my beautiful (y/n), but still. Every time I see her I cannot help, but want to choke her to death fro all the pain she caused my mother.

Shaking me from my thoughts Ubbe starts going off on Hvitserk. “How could you be so stupid! (Y/n) has a target on her back and you decided to go off into the woods alone without anyone else?!?!?!” In this sense Ubbe was right, Hvitserk put (y/n)’s life in danger all because he wanted to take her from me. It wasn't enough for these people that I am a cripple. But they want to take the woman that the gods sent to me! This is unacceptable and I will not allow it. “Ubbe is right. She could have been killed because of your insolence Hvitty!” I scream at him. My blood had been boiling at this point. “Oh shut up Ivar! We all know that if she would have asked you to go with her, you would have done the same. If not take her some place remote where she could not leave your crippled ass!” Hvitserk barks back at me.

All this time Sigurd is sitting by the fire pit whilst tuning his lyre. “You both should just accept the fact that you're in love with your own sister. And that it will never go anywhere. Besides I overheard father speaking in his chambers the other day with Bjorn. They're looking for suitors to marry her off to. That way she will be hopefully safe from whoever is hunting her.” Sigurd says as calm as one could ever be. At this my mouth hangs open and Hvitserk and I exchange glances. “N..No... That cannot be. Father would never marry (y/n) off to someone she doesn't know. And the fact that he just got her back should keep him form doing so as well.” Hvitserk struggles to say. Im still trying to process the fact that my purpose to live will be taken from me once again. This I cannot allow...

-----------------------------------------------

“Ivar you’re sure that this is the right way?” Hvitserk asks me for the hundredth time. This time instead of answering I just keep going. This man-child will not drive me insane today. Not when the task at hand is so dire. Making our way through the woods and down the path, I spot my father’s horse as well as 3 other ones. Urging my horses to go faster I catch a glimpse of (y/n) runnings towards the homestead whilst trying to slip her dress back on. The way that the drops fell from her hair and onto her chest and then down the valley of her breasts made me come to a halt. Before I knew it the guards and Ubbe had all passed me and there I was still sitting in my carriage on the same spot. Once she was out of my sight, I got it together and got to the house. There we were greeted by father and Bjorn. “Ubbe. what brings you all down here?” my father asks. “We wished to know what we should do about the investigation. You all just took off without alerting anyone.” At that Lagertha steps out of the homestead clearly in a disheveled dress. From that we can guess what her and father were up to before we could get here.

“Actually Ubbe... Your father and I have come to terms that (y/n) shall be trained by me. This way I can properly teach her how to use her strengths and weaknesses to her advantage. Something you boys will not be able to teach her.” At the mention of this (y/n)’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well... Mother (y/n) isn't really one to train, if Im honest with you. Poor girl is was never taught how to properly defend herself. And through all the training that we've put her through, its not much of an improvement...” Bjorn says, but then trails off due to (y/n) punching him in the gut. I can tell you that I have never been as in love with someone as I am with my own sister. Which is ridiculous to many, but the truth...

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Your POV

Weeks from the time that my mother arrived had gone by. My training started immediately after the conversation that we all had at the porch. Ubbe and the boys had finally gotten somewhere with the investigation with the help of Lagertha. They had found the murder weapon, a small dagger with intricate designs. Bjorn had taken it to get a closer look, but from what I had seen in his eyes I could tell that he knew who was behind this. As I think of who could have been behind the murder of my best friend, the wind is knocked out of me. “(Y/N)! Concentrate! Never take your eyes off your opponent! Thats the number one rule on the battlefield!” My mother yells at me from above. Extending her hand out towards me I grasp on to it and she pulls me up from the ground. Dusting myself off I mumble an I’m sorry to her and that I will concentrate next time. “When facing a real opponent child you will not have the luxury to be better again. Its do or die!” She holds onto my shoulders as she looks into my eyes and then leans her forehead against mine. “I want you to be able to defend yourself. It might come a time where neither your father or I. Bjorn and your brothers will be there to protect you. And I need to be able to sleep at night with the thought that my child will not be taken from me again by some imbecile...”

My mother and I exchange a final glance before she heads off towards the great hall in what I think is an attempt to find my father. My father and Bjorn have been very secretive lately. Every time I walk into a room I can tell that the conversations they were having were about me before I got there. And it was very much getting on my nerves. Picking up the bow that Ivar had made for me I start to aim at the dummy target. But before I knew it something startles me and I let go of the arrow without knowing where it would hit. “AHHHHH, are you trying to kill me woman?!??!”

“Ivar, Oh my God I’m so sorry. You startled me.” I say whilst rushing towards him. “I see that you've taken a liking to the bow I crafted for you...” blushing from his words I simply nod my head and stare at the ground. “(y/n). I wanna have a serious conversation with you. But it must be done in private.” He whispers the last part to me. I rear my head towards him and proceed to grab his hand. Ivar takes it upon himself though to lace our fingers together and walk together to "our” chambers. Passing by the market, I notice the looks that people have been given us and the not so quiet whispers. Embarrassed and not wanting to drag attention to myself anymore than I already have. I attempt to let go of Ivar’s hand, but he will have none of it. He jut grips my hand harder and walks a little faster towards the cabin.

Once inside Ivar walks towards the bed and starts taking off his braces. “Close the door please. I would like this to be a private conversation between you and I. For the time being.” Doing as told, I close the door behind me and make my way towards him. Ivar is struggling to get one of his braces off, so without thinking I kneel before him and push his hands away to try and help him out. At this action Ivar looks at me with shock and a hint of adoration. Over the last 3 months that I have been here. I observed Ivar take his braces off before bed. Something about them fascinated me and I couldn't pinpoint what it was. Picking myself up from the floor I go to sit beside him on the bed in one swift movement Ivar pushes me back on the bed and gets on top of me.

Before I could scream his lips touch mine. Unlike the times before I find myself reciprocating the kiss. Our lips begin to move in sync with each other. He traced his tongue on my bottom lip asking for entrance which I denied. At this he got frustrated and slapped my ass. As I opened my mouth to yell at him for hitting me, he took this as a chance to slip his tongue in my mouth. There was no fight for dominance as he overtook the situation. My fingers tangle in his hair trying to pull him closer to me. His hands caress my sides and then cup my breasts. In this I cant help, but let out a moan. Ivar pulls back and stares at me while bringing his hand up to brush my hair outta my face. “I would really love to continue this, but there's something I have to tell you (y/n).” He untangles himself from my grasp and brings my hand to his lips. Placing small kisses on the back of my hand he closes his eyes and then reluctantly gets up. As I lay on the bed, I can only think of what we were up to seconds ago. What would have happened if we didn't stop. Pulling me into his lap and out of my thoughts Ivar grabs my face in his hands.

“Before you got here I was a scared and lonely boy. With no notion of what love was or could have been. To think that the gods made you especially for me and brought you to me at the most opportune time is a sign from Odin himself. (Y/n) I will not let them take you away from me. Not now or ever...” Ivar closes the gap between us with a small and tender kiss. “Ivar... it’s wrong. How we feel about one another isn't right...” my eyes well up with tears. What cruel joke is this that God is playing. Why? How come the man that I love is my brother... Brushing my tears away, I could tell that Ivar is having the same predicament. “Father plans to marry you off... That is what I wanted to talk to you about.” His eyes do not meet mine this time. “Wait...no it cant be. Father would never do that. he always said that I would be free to marry whomever I pleased and fell in love with...” Nothing the change in my breathing Ivar hugs me and rubs my back. “I will not let them. You will not be sold like cattle just because they cant find the killer and are afraid.”

“This is why I want you to runaway with me. Will you (y/n)...”

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Bjorn POV

I cannot control the anger boiling inside me. How could she do this... Storming off from the meeting I went straight to my cabin. There she greeted me as if nothing was wrong. “Love I made some...” Throwing the bowl of soup from her hands I pushed her back onto a chair. “Bjorn what's wrong with yo...” “What wrong with me?!?!?! How about what's wrong with you? You killed Mira! You tried to kill my sister!” At this point all I see is red. I cant even describe how I felt when I saw that the murder weapon was Torvi’s dagger. And to think I was gonna tell her the truth and let her in on the reason as to why she could be wanted dead. “Bjorn.. please! It was not like I wanted to do it! Aslaug forced me too. She had said that you were in danger! Please Bjorn you have to believe me! I did it for our family!” Shaking my head at her I turn around and head towards the door. “Get your stuff, I don't want you here when I come back. I will tell my father everything that you and Aslaug have been planning. And for the sake of what we once had I will give you this heads up so you can leave. And do not come back!” Slamming the door of the cabin I head towards the great hall and begin t think to myself about the first time I laid eye son my sister....

19 years ago...

“Bjorn... come meet her.” I didn't want anything associated with that child. The fact that I had already lost a sister and that my parents had now taken in a child that wasn't theirs baffled me. “She's not my sister. She the child of a christian priest...” At that my mother looks at me with sadness in her eyes. “Bjorn I know that you still hurt over Gyda and the fact that she didn't survive and you did. This child however is your sister. No matter how she came into this world, the gods have given us a second chance. Please come and meet her, for my sake?” At that I go towards my mother and get a closer look at the child. Her features resembled that somewhat of my father’s. Not much, but enough to be able to pass as the child of my father and mother. “What about Athelstan? Is he okay with you taking his child?” I ask my mother. At that my father walks in and kneels before me. “You must protect her with your life Bjorn. From this day onward she will be yours to take care off. She is your sister and no one must know that in fact she is Athelstan’s daughter or she and all of us will be in danger.” At that I understood why my parents had done it. Taken a child that wasn't theirs in order to protect it. Although I didn't want her, I cant help but feel a strong sense of protection over her. As if my sole task in this world is to protect her... “Bjorn...she doesn't have a name yet. Would you like to name her?” My mother asks whilst placing the child in my arms. The baby opens her eyes and looks up at me. Her beautiful eyes open up to reveal those (y/e/c) orbs. She cracks a smile at me and at that I cant help, but laugh. “(Y/n)...her name will be (y/n).”

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cleaduvalls · 5 years ago

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i watched all 20 episodes of spy kids: mission critical in about a week and here are my thoughts (3/5)

1.9

i havent watched this in like 2 days i dont even remember what happened last time

why is everything in the desert the desert sucks

alsjhiajgdf i love tom kenny

listen i know hes like a superandroid or whatever but i really hope he and therese fall in love

wait hold up. i thought they already had midterms???? like the did that before scorpion went to her fashion shoot. AND they were kupkakkes midterms. whats up with this school

no drinking in class???? rude. let them hydrate

that seems imbalanced

aHh

thats only like 10

also that book is dummy thicc

its ok ace my nose whistles too

shut up carmen youre just jealous because shes pretty

there are no seasons its a desert

ok dude stop breathing so hard

he JUST said that

anywhere between an hour and umm... 11 months

you put it on one page why are all the pages back

me but with physics

thats literally the best line in the whole series

juni how do you not know that you were at a safe H O U S E

theyve been gone for like 2 hours are they not allowed to study?????

what even is AWOL???

absent without leave. neat

talon gives off some big draco energy

tick tock???? how dare you

slkdhfa she called sir awesome honey shes such a mom

dont make it obvious

oh look they made it obvious

roll credits

i was in cleveland when i watched this episode - well actually i left that day - and i was s h o o k e t h

also hes right. no spy would be in cleveland. theres 3 buildings

oh me too

right bc shes the only “I.A.”

this isnt HARRY POTTER. or maybe it is. talon is a hardcore draco

oh right bc swearing is for Men™

update tumblr decided to break AGAIN (im boutta cry btw) so we lost about 5 minutes from the end of 1.9 and 7 from the beginning of 1.10

1.10

its a DOORBELL do they not have those in the outback steakhouse

lots of people. doofenshmirtz, other people who i cant think of right now, etc

???? no it wont????

did your troop leader not give you The Talk??? you NEVER go in the customers house

ace no. youre allowed to not buy treats

theres a triforce on her vest, too

shes just gonna go to another house yall. shell be f i n e

oh my God shes holding hands with mauly im gonna c r y

yeah its called saliva

nope only scorpion lives in a castle

stop bringing up spy sense and tell him you saw her glare at you

HES ALLOWED TO LIKE FOOD

how do you know that he doesnt have his phone if YOU dont know where it is and HE cant tell you

i love how she says "floor. ceiling. more thumb"

haha i found the birth of venus

oh and the creation of adam

hes like squidward, which would make sense bc goldies voiced by tom kenny who voices spongebob

"sebastian oliver" "shadow operative" S.O. nice

why do you have a trailblazers badge. youre 4. i didnt get one til i was a cadette

also sebastian???? isnt that the toymakers first name????? you cant have 2 sebastians

also why do you have braces. youre still 4

"SIR MEANIE FACE" IF SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME ID BE D E V A S T A T E D

SCORPION LET HER CRY SHES F O U R

so really, spy sense DID help

oooooh, sentry duty, thats gotta hurt

WHAT THE H E C K YOURE F O U R

she looks like frickin plushtrap

aCE NO YOURW GONNA D I E

oh trust me they hurt me more than you know

dude theyre so thin youre f i n e

eh, still worked

clicking her teeth together so hard must H U R T

i think she can get out of there. also shes concussed now

why was that so quiet. why did it get louder

thats not a y shape

no, they spy kids

oh shiitake mushrooms thats what THEY said

whenever they say pinnoquinoxx i always think of pinnochio

ahdhhsjak i miss pizza parties 😔

well now we ALL expect it

also, no one????? pick a cooler code name. your regular name was cool and now youve ruined it

2.1

oh theres finally a skip intro option. im not taking it

stop saying that its weird

EWWWWWW CRUSTY THATS SO G R O S S

haha shes shopping w the goon. love that

oh yeah i didnt get to tell yall yet but i absolutely h a t e gablet

a lot of people, juni

listen i know a jt (but he doesnt go by jt) and uhhhhhhh were not gonna go there

why are you happy. what about second semester makes you so happy

boi thats a tardis

the design on his hoverboard looks like the aperture science logo

i paused to read the Floops label and it says "fried corn and sugar loop shaped breakfast substitute, net wt. 13 oz" ITS NOT EVEN A CEREAL ITS A BREAKFAST SUBSTITUTE IM C R Y I N G

listen i know hes technically scorpions dad but i dont think he can legally be in the dorm rooms

aww, thats sweet

i dont think gablet has an attached printer

gablet always sounds like shes mocking people

oh dear God its dolores umbridge

haha nerd

awesome no im gonna die

whenever carmen yells she sounds like link

ok so i didnt find a reason why she sounds like link but i DID find that theyre making a wherea waldo tv series so uhhhh thats fun

why does the cat have a bandaid

GABLET S T O P

OH!!!!!! ON THE WALL!!!!!!! ITS THE TUMBLR POST WITH THE FORK AND KNIFE ETIQUETTE PICTURE!!!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE!!!!!

oh no fart jokes

its even the basic fart sound effect

BAHAHAH MY PHONE VIBRATED AT THE SAME TIME HE FARTED THAT WAS WEIRD

oh no i hate him

stop SLURPING

uh yeah???? you heard them yelling about it

how??? does that work??? you cant just like catch electricity in a cup.... can you???? i havent studied it since 4th grade

oh worm??

goldies such a boomer

worm??

psi shouldnt be at the drawing board right now. he also shouldnt be confused

what happened to the lasers

wait nvm we havent gotten to that episode yet

ace is valid, dark is Scary

im gonna punch gablet in the face

that doesnt sound realistic

do you not have stairs??????

dont you mean inside AND out??

that flashlight did NOTHING

how did it die so fast?????

who else would you be talking to??

isnt that bowser from the mario movie we dont speak of??

i havent gotten a chance to tell yall but i absolutely love clemp. hes such a mood

hes the greatest spy

does it use a mini transmooker???? ig it doesnt bc gablet works but thatd be lit

SEE SHES IMMORTAL

me when i see something interesting

ME WHEN IM NOT ON MY PHONE

i dont think you can legally say that

you killed her

wow nice promo

also just???? bring a charger????? like youre the tech girl why do you not have one at all times

how?????? did you go so fast

machete electric bubbles??? nice

just task manager him

mother of all boards sounds like it could be a cuss...mother of all fuckers

also throwback to 1.7 when she says "his ai firewalled his motherboard" i keep expecting her to say "his ai firewalled this motherfucker"

yes i said keep ive watched that episode too many times to count

worm??

why did you giggle and make a flirty pose. are yall supposed to get together???

did you????? kill him????????? holy shit

2.2

thats what my dad does. he loves hospital corners

idc what it is you have a bazooka

ok if it was a spider id get it, australia has some deadly ones, but does it have deadly ants too???? like is that a Thing????

also ants in your room are gross

was that just a cameo??? i dont remember what happens in this one

haha because he said grapevines and wine has dregs and wine is made of grapes

for the boys??? thats so cute

listen idc how evil you are EVERYONE should cry over otters

so one of the parents has a sister or sister in law named roxanna..... hmmm.......

if you dont use your turn signal h*ck u

hes gonna D I E

i just looked at my shoe and i think theres blood on it???? what the h*ck

suspicious??? about.... what???? having fears???? not being perfect?????

juni that was awful wording

JUNI WHAT DID YOU D O TO HIM

like i know what he DID but the way it plays out makes it seem like something significant

i thought his name was heavy meddle not.... deth metal???? thats how the subtitles spell it

hahah me

he sounds like bling bling boy

yeah ik im a fool thanks for reminding me

what are you gonna do??? kill juni????

POOR WORD CHOICE JUNI

oh he gives exactly 0 h*cks

a shoe doesnt make that sound

crack bugs?????

see thats why you dont mess with things

im a god among boys??????? what????

did you... kill them????????????

thats any australian person

theyre so stupid i love them

good i hate her

i thought the gunk just like... disappeared from the guitar but actually it shot off

he died... 😔

uhh.... yeah????? was it not obvious?????

me when i have 5 dollars

#spy kids #spy kids spoilers #spy kids mission critical #carmen cortez #juni cortez

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sikereviewdotcom · 5 years ago

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wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review

ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada

then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-

unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho

our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense

wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs

btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her

its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch

so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball

next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and

happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling

not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan

w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick

good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass

theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here

rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes

its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:

spoiler alert: he does it and

im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no

so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man

i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date

in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?

anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time

rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood

tg, out

#wilfred #review #series review #wilfred review #wilfred 2011 #furry #sike reviews

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lovedsammy · 6 years ago

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All right, ya’ll, I saw Endgame! Major spoilers will be under the cut so if you’re on mobile and it doesn’t work, SCROLL, SCROLL, SCROLL. Also, blacklist ‘a4 spoilers’ and ‘endgame spoilers’!

Overall? I loved it. There are a few things that REALLY bothered me/disappointed me, which I’ll talk about. As a star rating, I’d say 9/10.

First for the things that bothered me so I can get that out of the way...

Complaints:

- Thor & Loki: It’s no surprise to some of you that Loki is my favorite character (with Tony in 2nd place), and I adore the Thor & Loki bond. So I wasn’t happy at ALL that Loki remained dead, nor the fact that the Loki and Thor bond was completely erased/forgotten. Thor didn’t mention him ONCE, and instead focused only on the bond with his mother, which was, admittedly, beautiful. But the fact that he didn’t think of his deceased brother at all really felt like a disservice. I think it was supposed to be inferred that that what’s Thor’s so depressed about during the film, but it wasn’t TALKED about and instead was played for laughs. Thor’s PAIN was made to be humorous because he let himself go and had a beer belly. And yeah, I can see how at first that can be slightly funny, but it’s really not, if you think about it. Thor was so consumed by depression that all he did was drink himself almost to death. He was a wreck during the whole film and was made to look like a drunken idiot, except for the ending. Making him gain weight just to make him ‘funny’ also rubbed me the wrong way. Being ‘fat’ is nothing to be ashamed of, or funny. Thor’s characterization this movie was a big minus for me, which was disappointing. Him leaving at the end with the GotG made some sense, though, and I’m hoping this will lead him on a path to maybe trying to find Loki, in the past or otherwise. Quill trying to find past!Gamora... maybe it was a hint.

- Going back to Loki, he showed up in flashbacks from Avengers 2012 which really made my heart swell. Him rolling his eyes at the Avengers, waving ‘bye bye’ to the Hulk sarcastically when he had to take the stairs, taking the opportunity to snatch the Tesseract, not once but twice, and disappearing to God knows where? LOVED IT. It was so nice to see him again, no matter in what capacity. Though I still wish he’d come back for real, ESPECIALLY in that battle at the end. It wouldn’t have taken much more screen time, honestly. They could’ve just shown him arriving with the others at the return, have him fight side by side with Thor, and address Thanos. Maybe hint at some possible control, imprisonment, torture from Thanos? It could’ve paved way for the Loki series. Although, I guess this 2012!Loki disappearing with the Tesseract can achieve that, too, but it would erase all of the development Loki has achieved, and I loved the development. I loved his path to redemption. If they do this, I want a redeemed!Loki, who has a place among the Avengers, not a villain again.

- Gamora not coming back. I mean, I loved seeing her as her past self, but again... she died by being killed by her abusive father. It leaves a bad taste.

All right, on to everything else!

Things that I loved:

- Nebula and Tony’s friendship! I loved their dynamic a lot. Nebula taking care of Tony, and sitting him upright? My heart. <333

- Tony’s reunion with Steve. Omg their dynamic was FANTASTIC this movie. No leftover resentment from Civil War. It really made me love their friendship that much more.

- Tony’s reunion with Pepper!

- “I lost the kid. I lost the kid.” The first part I got choked up, of many.

- omg Scott coming home to see 5 years have passed and his daughter is a teen? omg I couldn’t even handle that. I loved older Cassie, though!

- THOR GETTING TO KILL THANOS FOR REAL. OMG I CHEERED. It didn’t help his vendetta, though, and once the revenge was complete, he had nothing left, which makes sense. His hate for Thanos was what drove him in Infinity War. He fell into a huge depression once that was taken from him. And why I wish, again, that this hadn’t been used for laughs!

- TONY AND HIS DAUGHTER!!! omg dad!tony was the CUTEST AND SO WAS MORGAN. Tony’s my 2nd fave character in the mcu, so seeing him happy, living life with his wife and daughter? perfection. The “shit” scene was both hilarious and sweet. “Go to bed or I’ll sell or all your toys” and Morgan laughing because she knows he won’t. <3333333333

- “I love you 3000″

- Clint and his family!

- Natasha saying that her family is the Avengers.

- the time travel was well utilized, even if it makes my head spin a little. XD

- LOKI LOKI LOKI

- “that is america’s ass” lmao

- steve saying ‘hail hydra’ and it WORKING

- tony and steve just KNOWING how each other thinks and using that to formulate the same plan, of going back to grab the tesseract? genius!

- There was so much foreshadowing in this movie at the beginning and middle of how this was going to end. Tony was unwilling to help at first because he didn’t want to lose what he had gained, and Steve kept saying he was over Peggy but by looking at her in the past, it was clear that he wasn’t, and that was where he wanted to go. I’ll touch on both those things more later.

- Tony getting to talk to his father, and finally come to terms with that relationship, and understanding/loving him... ow my heart. That hug was amazing.

- Thor getting to talk with his mother, getting that closure as well. This movie centered a lot on family.

- Clint willing to die to get the soul stone, but Natasha also willing to, and fighting over it, who had the strongest will to sacrifice themselves for everyone else. Their dynamic is also one of my favorites, and even though Clint is happily married with a family, part of me still ships them, and I loved those final moments together.

-”Let me go. It’s okay.” Natasha’s death was one of the first scenes that got me outright bawling. I adored her, and her death hit me hard because I was NOT expecting it. And for her to die as she did, willingly, with no restraint.... she wiped the red out of her ledger for sure. :( R.I.P Natasha. I’m so sad that they couldn’t even get her body to give her a proper burial. And everyone’s reactions after... devastating.

- I didn’t think Bruce using the Gauntlet was going to work at first. But once Clint’s phone started ringing, I breathed a sigh of relief and just waited. Then past!Nebula had to ruin everything by getting Thanos to blow up the Avengers HQ.

- Touching on this, btw: Thanos really is the Avengers strongest opponent. He was too clever using the two Nebulas (UGH) as he did, and he almost won again without even breaking a sweat.

- The. entire. fight. Literally, all of it. Thor using both of his weapons, Tony and Steve giving it their all... omg.

- The second Steve used Mjolnir, my entire theater screamed, and same, tbh. Thor’s “I KNEW IT!!” was everyone. It was nice continuity with AoU when Thor’s expression hinted that Cap was worthy. YES.

- It took me a minute to realize that Sam was back, and when it did, I sat there going “IS IT REALLY IS IT REALLY IST THIS HAPPENING OH SHIT”

- AND IT DID!

- Everyone coming out of that portal, focusing on each of them. Omg the theater erupted.

- “AVENGERS.... assemble.” cHILLS

- WANDA GETTING BACK AT THANOS’S CRAZY ASS, HELL YES! “I don’t even know who you are.” “You will.” YES, QUEEN.

- THE WOMEN TEAMING UP!

- Tony and Peter. The hug! The shock from Tony that this boy that he looks at as his own son, the relief that he’s alive, okay.. hi i’m crying again.

- The second Stephen raised that single finger, and Tony knew what it meant. And we all knew what it meant...

- “I am inevitable.” “I am... Iron... man.”

- Tony’s death hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was sobbing before he’d even collapsed to the floor. Watching the color drain from his face, and his body become so badly damaged.... I knew it was over for him.

- “We won, Mr. Stark. Come on, you did it, sir, you did. I’m sorry, Tony.” I CANT EVEN HANDLE THIS. PETER DIED IN FRONT OF TONY, AND NOW TONY DIES IN FRONT OF HIM. This surrogate father/son duo hurts me and I feel so much.

- PEPPER AND TONY. THEY DESERVED BETTER, DAMN IT. THEY DESERVED TO BE HAPPY AND TONY DESERVED TO WATCH HIS DAUGHTER GROW UP. ;A; “We’re going to be okay. You can rest now.” Rip out my heart. Just rip it out.

- As painful as Tony’s death was, it also felt.... perfect, in ways. He gave up his chance to keep things as they were to save everyone else. He did tHAT. He gave everyone else their families back. He died a hero, a true hero. I feel more at ease with Tony’s death, despite how unfair it was, because unlike Loki, Tony had achieved everything he meant to. He had a little girl who he loved so much and was an amazing father to. He had a son, who he taught to be a hero, too. He had a wife who will go on to keep Stark Enterprises alive. They’re Tony’s legacy.

- The funeral was SO heartbreaking, I was a crying mess. Happy and Morgan... :( </3

- ok so I’m 50/50 on Steve’s ending. He goes to return the stones to their proper time, and then stays behind to have a life with Peggy. Which, I mean... I’m not opposed to, and I think Steve deserves his happy ending too, but... it also hurt because not only was he leaving Bucky behind, he also left his friends behind. Friends that were already hurting from losing Natasha and Tony. And then to leave them like he did.... it felt... I don’t know, not wrong, but insensitive, considering what had just happened. Everyone had lost enough, and then they had to lose Steve, too. Although, I see his frame of mind. He’d lost so much as well. He wanted to have something for once, something happy, and he took it. I can’t blame him for that. I just wish his timing had been better.

-Bucky just knew that Steve wasn’t coming back as himself. He knows him so well. And his nod at Sam to let him take up the mantle... I knew it was going to happen, but I thought it’d be different. I’m fine with this, though. Steve’s retired. He can rest now.

- Tony’s voice over at the end was beautiful and perfect. That is all.

I loved this movie a lot, and can’t wait to see it again eventually! I had complaints and things I wish they’d done/fixed, but overall, the good outweighed the bad.

#marvel #avengers: endgame #endgame spoilers #a4 spoilers #avengers endgame

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