#this was significantly funnier in my head
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kindred-spirit-93 · 3 months ago
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why tf is hermes on tumblr and why is he trying to give me drugs??
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everybodyshusband · 9 months ago
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it’s hammer time
(sitting in front of a piano)
(the piano is digital)
(it has no hammers)
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waywardhells · 1 year ago
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Listen up Dan and Phil. This is how dangerous parasocial relationships can form. I don't know you. I don't love you. I can't love you. I don't KNOW you. I can appreciate you but I can't fucking love you.
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worstwizardever · 10 months ago
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good morning everyobby (roblox)
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jxnisnotfunny · 11 months ago
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nah what did they do to the triforce??? 😭💀
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benevolenterrancy · 2 years ago
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given that default state of slovenliness at torchwood, I feel like there must have been at least a few mix-ups from time to time
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gravitywonagain · 1 year ago
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how is there not a d.e.b.s. au in this fandom yet? is there a d.e.b.s. au? will somebody please send it to me if there is? it’s perfect. it’s wacky gay hero/villain hijinks. it is a crack fic. it should get to be a wangxian crack fic, too
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kindred-spirit-93 · 7 days ago
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ody: so um, would u fall in love with me again?
pen: bitch of course
Telemachus’ little “Of course” when Ody tells him to go tell his mom he’s back in I Can’t Help has been driving me insane for days because it was so familiar and I couldn’t place it.
And I finally figured it out. It’s the the exact same “of course” that Siren!Penelope gives when agreeing to answer a question.
This means it’s probably an actual vocal tic that the real Penelope actually has. One that she uses often enough that it’s one of the things that both the siren picks up on( over the fact that they have a son not a daughter) and her son has picked up the same vocal tic with the same inflection.
It’s not important, but I thought it was cute.
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jumpywhumpywriter · 3 months ago
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Living Weapon Whumpee part 40
Warnings: forced living weapon/fighter, aftermath of war
But it was beautiful, in Whumpee's eyes. And he cherished the gesture, the kindness that came with receiving a gift.
"I'm so glad you're back!" Myra squealed happily. "I've been wanting to ask you something. You said you didn't know how to write, right?"
Whumpee shook his head sadly.
"That's it, I am going to teach you how to draw no matter what!" Myra said resolutely.
Whumpee flinched slightly in surprise at the unexpected contact when Myra suddenly slipped her soft tiny hand into his giant calloused one, tugging him toward a table with paper and coloring tools on it. But he quickly recovered and let the young girl lead him away and force him to sit at the small children's table. He towered over it, and ended up convincing Myra to just let him sit on the floor instead of a chair. He'd probably break it anyway.
A small and fragile creature bossing around a giant war weapon. How cute, Whumpee thought to himself with a small grin. But he was content to play along, even if his back might be stiff later from sitting on the floor so long. It made Myra happy, and he enjoyed seeing her excitement.
Myra snatched up a paper and some crayons and put them in front of Whumpee, doing the same for herself.
"Okay, so first you have to hold it like this--" Myra demonstrated the proper way to hold a writing tool, and Whumpee tried to copy it. The first couple of tries he accidently snapped the crayon in half completely, before figuring out the right amount of gentleness required to hold without breaking. It felt like holding a thin, brittle twig.
"All right. Now you just draw whatever you feel like!" Myra squeaked, and drew one of her signature stick figures. It didn't look too hard.
...It was, in fact, significantly harder than Whumpee had expected, coordinating his thoughts with his hand that would translate it through the crayon and turn it into a recognizable image. So far all he'd managed was a bunch of wild squiggles in the shape of -- a rock? A word? He had no idea.
His hand was stiff with old scar tissue from countless battles that made it hard to flex the right muscles to get the crayon to do what he wanted and move in the right direction. It felt awkward and unnatural to keep his hand in the right position to hold it. It didn't help that the crayons were like toothpicks in his giant hands anyway.
Whumpee frowned down at his attempted creation, disappointed.
"Look, you can turn even a mess into a masterpiece!" Myra chirped, and she took a crayon of her own and scribbled two dots in the middle of the lumpy, deranged circle-thing he had drawn. "See? Now it looks like the monster under my bed!"
Whumpee couldn't help bursting out laughing. Myra was trying so hard to be helpful -- it was adorable to witness. And even funnier that a 13-year old girl was teaching a grown man to draw the simplest pictures, and even that was challenging for Whumpee.
They went through dozens of papers and countless crayons before Whumpee finally managed to make something he could be proud of.
Because there, in the center of his latest paper, was a single wobbly stick figure -- the lines not as sharp and clean as Myra always made them, but it was recognizably a stick figure, and Whumpee was ecstatic about his accomplishment. His first piece of actual art.
"Now you know how to draw!" Myra squeaked happily, and threw her little arms around Whumpee in an unexpected hug, startling him.
But then Whumpee cautiously draped a giant arm around her in return in a half-hug, oh-so-carefully, viscerally aware of his own supernatural strength. It was strange how these hands, that were usually drenched in blood, were so warm and gentle right now. How he used them for kindness just as naturally as he used them for violence.
Whumpee's gaze flicked up and he saw Flint standing in the doorway with arms crossed over his chest, an amused and slightly grateful expression on his face.
Such a strange turn of events, how Whumpee had gone from a mindless war dog... to a gentle but powerful guard dog instead. It would be a rough change for all of them, but... Whumpee was looking forward to the freedom that awaited him in the future now that the war was over. Though he had a feeling he'd stick around the headquarters anyway.
⏪️ Back (Part 1 of Bonus story)
Masterlist
@scoundrelwithboba @lumpofsand @isikedmyself878 @iamheretohurt @fleur-a-whump
@ay5ksal @otterfrost @sausages-things @i-don't-know-sal @togzy
@whump-till-ya-jump @cravesunconditionallove @whumpwritinglover222 @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl @cepheusgalaxy
@dragongodryss
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kindred-spirit-93 · 3 months ago
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THIS IS EPIC: full speed ahead skit
special exclusive limited edition episode because i cant stop giggling. the comment section was comment sectioning as usual:
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favourite things:
ody being the smolest guy on board lmao XD
polites wearing pastels is the most hysterical thing ive seen this fandom do that somehow manages to be lore accurate
ody's exaggerated gestures and body language is sending me. i hc hes very expressive esp in his hands, whereas his face is a bit more well trained to conceal whatever hides behind his eyes >:]
eury has a shoulder tattoo now. roses and his big ass sword (someone draw this pls)
full speed ahead has one of my favouritest back up melodies that cemented my adoration for this musical. so extra 10/10 from me :)
nobody not even odysseus polites' headdress:
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this was significantly funnier in my head. forgive me *wink wink*
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remembrancer-of-heresy · 3 months ago
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The Bloody Trio (Headcanons about main characters)
AU Reverse Therapy
Author's Note: In this post I decided to tell how I came up with the characters and some facts about them.
Tag List: @kit-williams, @druidwolf21, @pluvio-tea
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Character: Malina
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*collage pictures: 1, 2, 3, 4
Age: was kidnapped saved when she was 23
Height: 5,74 (175)
Description: dark brown eyes, dark shoulder length brown hair with bangs, olive skin.
Distinguishing features: none.
References: I love the Yellowjackets series and Lottie Matthews is my favorite character. This is exactly how I imagined Malina. One day I just rewatched one episode and thought that Malina definetly has the same Bambi eyes. + the actress also starred in Mad Max (an amazing series of films). It is not surprising that this is the image that appeared in my head.
Name: name Malina is a female name of Greek origin meaning "raspberry". By the way in some slavic names a word "malina" literally can be translated as a "raspberry". But this name is also a short version of a hebew name Magdalena (which means “tower”, “soothing” and also “raspberry”). I chose this name because Luka thought it sounded sweet and innocent. The girl is loved by the Space Marines, but it's a very dark, obsessive and unhealthy love. They gave her the name as if she were a pet. The heroine has a real name, but it was not mentioned because the girl had to get used to her new home. And for that, she had to become Malina.
Facts about character:
The girl grew up on the agri-world of Astarte in the Segmentum Obscurus sector. The planet was home to about 300,000 people. Most agri-worlds are polluted places, the sky is orange, and people are forced to work in gas masks. But most does not mean all. On Astarte, the sky is blue, and the atmosphere is not polluted. The planet's main export is fruits and berries.
During the Thirteenth Black Crusade, the Maelstrom merged with the Great Rift and the Red Corsairs have now been sighted further from their home than ever before (from Lexicanum). It was for this reason that the Red Corsairs attacked Astarte.
In fact, her uncle did not find a copy of the book about the Sister of Battle and the Imperial soldier. He was the one who wrote it for his beloved niece. It was the original, there were no copies. He always had heretical thoughts, so it is not surprising why he joined the Chaosites. He believes that his entire family perished under the rubble of the building.
Malina wears rather simple clothes, although made of good quality fabric (the space marines bring her new clothes from looting). Long skirts, shirts, and sometimes dresses of a simple cut, but with cute patterns (she doesn't know that sparkles are literally gold). And of course, she constantly throws a shawl over her shoulders. Malina generally likes to bury herself in a blanket up to her head or hide in Luka's or Virgil's shoulder.
Even after she has finally come to terms with her situation, she still reads religious books. Luke and Virgil very rarely, but still sometimes allow Saint Ignatius to come "to visit" so that Malina can pray with him. This lasts for 15 minutes at most, but that is enough for the girl. However, now she cannot say for sure whether she really believes in God-Emperor or prays because it calms her down like lullabies in childhood.
As her uncle used to say, the girl is very resourceful. She has a rather mediocre education. But considering that many inhabitants of the Imperium do not have it, she stands out significantly. She can read and likes it (especially fairy tales and romance novels). Malina has a sense of humor. And the fact that she jokes with a serious, and sometimes innocent, face makes it even funnier and cute (at least in the eyes of Luka and Virgil).
Malina loves Luka and Virgil. She forced herself to become attached to them, receiving a bit of tenderness from the Space Marines. Besides, it was better than being outside the quarters. She began to behave more freely with them, jokes and sometimes climbs up to the men for hugs. But even so, Malina is still afraid of them, because she understands that they are kind only to her. And other mortals suffer from meeting them.
Character: Luka The Angel
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*Collage pictures: 1, 2, 3, 4
Age: around 30-35
Height: 6,98 (213)
Description: blue eyes, beeline honey hair, pale skin, snub nose.
Distinguishing features: has a one scar on the left eyebrow and freckles on the cheeks and nose.
Wears standard Lamenters armour, with the symbol of Chaos Undivided painted on his belt and the symbol of the Red Corsairs on his right shoulder pad.
References: I think Luka's appearance and personality appeared in my head thanks to the art of Natalia Kikicheva. Blood Angel (in the centre), and two lamenters. And I'm also sure that I was also impressed by Varial by @kit-williams and Theo by @pluvio-tea. And Luka's image was slightly influenced by such a character as Raleigh Becket from Pacific Rim.
Name: The name Luka is thought to mean “bringer of light” or “man of light”. The name Luka is derived from the Latin word “lux”, which means “light”. The same name had Luke the Evangelist. Malina sees Luka as her savior while her planet is being torn apart by heretics. He was supposed to be a beacon of hope for humanity as the Lamenter, but he ended up being a traitor.
Facts about character:
Luka had a loving family and always wanted to be a hero. He was one of the most promising Lamenters. Just 2 years after becoming a Space Marine, his first mission became his last as a Loyalist. On one of the death worlds, his small squad was abandoned by the Lamenters as they were considered dead. Due to the extreme conditions, Luka literally ate his comrades. Some of them were still alive.
Luckily for him, the Red Corsairs were passing by. Bacchus didn't even have to persuade Luka, as he said he would go with them when they met (the worst part is that he was smiling at the time, finishing off his brother's head). At first, he lived with three other Space Marines, but later ate them. Bacchus considered them trash, so he didn't care much about it. After that, Luka was handed over to Vergil, who was supposed to be the Lamenter's mentor.
Luka considers Virgil his best friend. He is much easier to talk to and he doesn't even want to eat him. The Lamenter is obviously one of Bacchus' favorites due to his obedience and incredible combat skills (and he was only a neophyte recently). Therefore, he is forgiven for a lot. In particular, because of his character. Even Eurydice can't stay angry with him for long.
One of the few Space Marines who did not change his armor. He only added a couple of insignia to distinguish him from a loyalist. However, it is warriors like him who are the best strategy for boarding. Since the Imperials who see loyalist traitors are immediately confused.
Luka suffers from cannibalistic desires. Lamenters do not suffer from the Black Rage as much as other sons of Sanguinius. However, after the death world, Luka constantly suffers from bloodlust. But it is because of this that his "failure" (if this is not an Imperial myth) disappeared and he became more successful. After he met Malina, he began to suffer from Blood Thirst even more and ate more and more mortals (he also started to eat children which makes him really sad). But thanks to such a sacrifice to the Chaos Gods, he will never be able to harm the girl and she will live with him forever.
Luka sacrifices and performs rituals to the Chaos Gods like all Red Corsairs out of necessity. He does not despise Chaos Undivided, he simply does not care.
Before, Luka was much kinder for a heretic. He constantly saved children and dragged them to the ship. Although his previous neighbors eventually abused the children, which upset him very much (that is why he eventually ate them). And also after the reverse therapy, he began to "court" girls. Or rather, kidnap them. But all his attempts turned into failures. 5 girls died by "accident" (fucked to death, drank too much blood, another space marine killed), but he tortured 3 himself because they behaved badly.
After he found Malina, he did not care about all the mortal girls. He is literally obsessed with her and worships her, which has never happened with any other mortal. Because of this, he has become even more deadly and effective on the battlefield. Now Luka himself leads the warriors to boarding and commands the squad. Luka is extremely emotional and behaves almost like a child. He can be very nice to some people. But at the same time, he is also cruel to others. Luka is unstable and extremely dangerous chaosite. And this is coupled with his angelic appearance.
NSFW Facts:
Luka always wants to see Malina's face. To watch her face twist, her eyes water. To see how she finally starts to quietly make sounds from unprecedented sensations. Not seeing her face is taboo. And he also likes her small breasts. He thinks they look charming.
That's why most often, when it comes to bed, it's the missionary position. Or she sits on his lap, resting on his chest. He just adores how she clings to him. As if he is the only person who will protect her. As if HE is her God-Emperor.
He gets an erection EVERY time Malina calls him "Angel". This is Luka's favorite nickname. But he also loves to hear Malina praise him. That he saved her, how noble and handsome he is. How she gently touches his shoulders, cheekbones and cheeks. Looks into his eyes.
And if this happens during sex, it is harder for Luka to restrain himself. The Lamenter would also like to say something to her, but he is too delighted and obsessed with her at such moments. Therefore, he only moans and growls like an animal. His pupils dilate, and drool flows from his mouth. And the whole process is really rough. The girl is always terribly scared and Luka later has to apologize to her for a long time and wipe away her tears.
But after sex, he hugs her and kisses her entire face, saying how lucky he is. How wonderful and gentle she is. How he will take care of her. Always. That he will kill for her. He is ready to drown everything in blood just to get her a beautiful dress or feed her with berries in chocolate. And yes, if he said so, then he would do it.
Character: Virgil
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*collage pictures: 1, 2, 3, 4
Age: more than 650 years
Height: 7,44 (227)
Description: red eyes, bald, grey almost white skin, white eyebrows, shark-like claw teeth, long black tongue.
Distinguishing features: Has several scars on the face. The largest ones locates along the nose. And the second one on the lip to the cheek on the left side of the face.
Has a armor of Red Corsars with the sign of Flesh Tearer on the left shoulder pad. On the belt is a cut piece of human's skin. Has a three stakes with skulls behind the back.
Reference: I think Virgil's appearance came to me spontaneously. I just imagined a typical Chaos Space Marine. But when it comes to his personality or history, I remember this meme. And I think I was also partly inspired by Immortan Joe (more from Furiosa, not Fury Road). If I had thought up Malina and Luka a long time ago, then Virgil’s character and personality were finally formed while I was writing him.
Name: The character was named after the Roman poet Virgil. Or to be more precise, in his image of the guide from Dante's Divine Comedy. Only this Virgil does not embody the human mind. And he is not just a guide in Hell and Purgatory, he literally lives there. And no, in Warhammer our flesh tearer and Chapter Master of the Blood Angels did not meet.
Facts about character:
Virgil had been fighting for the Imperium for quite some time. He was a rank-and-file Flesh Tearer, no different from his brothers. Virgil was not a sociable person, always hiding in the shadows. And in truth, he defended the Imperium as if he was following a manual. He was born an orphan and decided to become a Flesh Tearer in order to become a warrior. He only cared about war.
He did not consider the Black Rage a curse of Sanguinius. More like a gift. Moreover, he suspected that the Red Thirst was a manifestation of Chaos. Virgil always had contempt for mortals. So it is not surprising that at some point he decided to join the heretics. It was a conscious decision after 150 years of service to the Imperium. In his opinion, Chaos could give him more strength and power. And then he met the Red Corsairs.
If Virgil did not stand out in the ranks of the Flesh Tearers, then after serving under the hands of Bacchus, he quickly rose through the ranks. He enjoys power, although he does not seek to take Bacchus's place. He is much happier with his current position.
Although when he was given Luka to look after, he was not at all happy about it. But in the end he got used to the puppy, even finding him funny. But he can't call him a friend, because he never had any friends. For Virgil, Luca will always be a puppy that needs to be looked after, even if he became his leader in an alternate universe. In addition, it was thanks to him that Virgil got Malina.
The Flesh Tearer did not stand on ceremony with girls, simply raping them, and sometimes killing them during the process. But Malina calms him down and Virgil unexpectedly for himself became very attached to her (although, unlike Luka, at the very beginning he saw her as just a pretty face). Now he really does care about her in a genuine way, which is still new to him.
Virgil is constantly angry and almost always irritated. Although, unlike many Space Marines, he behaves more calmly. Therefore, it is very important for him to relax. Because of this, he often uses drugs and constantly goes to apotecary Baphomet for a new injection. Since he no longer tries to control the Blood Thirst, he can now drink blood whenever he wants.
NSFW Facts:
Virgil wants his partners quietly during sex the most. But suddenly, after Malina appeared, he realized that he liked the way she slept.The way her eyelashes flutter, the way her whole face relaxes. The way her lips open just a little. They are so wet with saliva. She is so relaxed. And if he also gets her drunk or uses the right drug (but only a safe one), then her body is more like jelly.
He loves to please her. Virgil thought that the Gods of Chaos gave him such a long tongue to better feel blood and the taste of drugs. Maybe, but now he uses it to devour her pussy. And he is very skilled at it. And if Malina is on her period that day, he can do this for 2-3 rounds. And considering that he forbids Luka to lick Malina, he practically works for two.
He is very slow and careful. Virgil does not want Malina to wake up. And sometimes that is exactly what he wants. After all, Malina is a good girl, she will be quiet. She will try not to make sounds and will even try to fall asleep again. And if she cries quietly, Virgil will get even more excited and will start licking her tears. Because of them, he wants to take care of her.
After Virgil finishes, he looks at the girl for a long time. And is silent. And this process lasts quite a long time, which makes Malina feel uncomfortable. Because it looks very creepy. After that, Virgil lies down on his bed. Very rarely, he kisses the girl on the forehead goodbye.
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sunset-peril · 9 months ago
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This is hysterical. 10/10
Dark healthcare humor content!
Hyrule: I hope the internet doesn’t start some other new stupid fad for kids to do.
Wars: What are you talking about?
Hyrule: A while ago somebody on social media started a challenge of mixing liquid meds like they’re drinks because of the flavors they put in them. The amount of poisoned patients we had to take in was ridiculous. They had a name for the fad but I can’t remember what it was. Legend, do you know?
Legend, not looking up from his book: Natural selection.
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minecraft-sideblog-tm · 2 years ago
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Through various hermit’s videos, so far the timeline of this snowball is:
(in my head half of this was in a Bill Wurtz voice for some reason and that made it significantly funnier, pro-tip)
Mumbo returns and ages his copper Wrong
Grian decides to prank him by aging copper even More Wrong directly on Mumbo’s base
(Mumbo is very confused, also amongus reference)
Grian steals mines copper from Doc’s perimeter walls. Finds the tunnel bore.
(foreshadowing x2)
Innocently asks chat “what doin” while smelting
Scar feels bad no one answered Grian last time Grian asked that. Asks what Grian is up to. Grian admits to procrastinating on his base....again
(Impulse happens to be flying by Grian’s base at that exact moment)
Scar, Gem, and Impulse descend on Grian H. Dreamslayer to have an intervention
Hilarity ensues (for the trio) and dismay ensues (for Grian)
Grian “works on” the back of the base
asks to go to bed because it’s late
(Scar “but what if you die overnight and this is your legacy?”)
They agree to give him 24 hours
“....Have you seen Doc’s tunnel bore?” 
“Grian, FOCUS!”
“FINE! *flies away*”
“.....I kind of want to see the tunnel bore”
Scar is an enabler (they go to see the tunnel bore)
Scar is an enabler 2: electric boogaloo (Scar turns on the tunnel bore; convinces Grian to try it)
--BIG BAD EXPLOSION TIME UH OH--
(panic ensues, the wardens are safe)
(also funny cryptic tweets)
“Heeeeyyy Siri how far is Berlin from Portland??”
Scar hides in a bathroom in-game and irl, just in case
Idea! Try To Fix The Tunnel Bore!
How the f*ck does redstone work! There was definitely a fencepost somewhere in it! And a....coral fan??? shit shit shit sh
Idea! Uhhhhhh...Nevermind!
 diamond pile + cool pokemon cards + “Sorry we broke your cool machien!” cake and run run run ru
They Tried Their Best!
“Heyyyy Doc. Has anyone ever told you how cool you are? And handsome? Your base is soooo awesome, can we have a tour??”
Inconspicuous Tour is Actually Incredibly Conspicuous, more at 11
“He has a murder machine??” asks next most likely victim of the murder machine
End your neighbor’s house tour by admitting to breaking the lawn mower and escaping through a secret hole in the ceiling which you also broke like it’s some kind of sitcom skit
War is declared. Obviously
Doc is more upset about the months of stolen MINED copper than the tunnel bore
Grian’s portal to hell is now ~~Condensed and Sideways~~
Grian also has a timebomb above his base that will blow it up in ~24 hours~ or something, don’t worry about it
(Doc is not involved with this at all but if he was it would probably use charged creepers instead of tnt somehow)
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rubberfuckey · 2 years ago
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summary: After a worried phone call from Wheezie, you decide to come back to Kildare.
part one part two part three part four part five part six part seven
part eight part nine
wc: 1k
a/n: the grand finale! i'm so sad it's over, i hope y'all loved it as much as i do!!
masterlist
talk to me
You didn’t wake up the next day until 2 pm. After you went back down to the party, everything was a blur. You and Rafe went shot for shot, not the smartest thing you’ve ever done considering you were practically half that man’s height. You looked over at him, lying on his stomach, drooling on the pillow. You were both completely naked, you had hickeys on your stomach, your inner thighs, your chest, and bruises on your hips from where Rafe must’ve held you. You literally looked like you were attacked but you couldn’t be happier. You grabbed your phone to use the front camera to look at yourself. You cringed at the sight of the dark hickeys littered across both sides of your neck. Rafe stirred and groaned, reaching an arm out for you. 
“Rafe?” you whispered.
He cringed at the volume even though you were as quiet as possible, “Hmm?”
“What the hell happened last night?”
“I’m pretty sure it was the best night of my life,” he mumbled. 
You smiled, “What time did we fall asleep last night?” “Everything after like four o’clock is fuzzy.”
“Did I get in a fight with a damn wild animal?” “What?” He opened his eyes and picked his head off the pillow, immediately looking at the bruises all over your body.
“Jesus Christ, Y/N, I’m so sorry.”
“I should’ve been more gentle. You just kept begging for me to be rougher and who was I to decline such a beautiful girl?”
“It’s okay, I’m happy.”
He had a sleepy smile on his face as his head hit the pillow again. You sat up from the bed, ready to get in the shower and wash the grime away. 
“Where are you going?”
“To shower, you coming?”
He jumped up, keeping his eyes closed on his way to the shower. 
“You feeling okay?” you laughed.
“Yeah, when there’s no light or noise, I’m great. How are you not dying right now?”
“Just luck, I guess.”
“Or you’re just annoyingly perfect,” he said.
“Or that.”
You pulled him into the shower with you, washing his hair as he leaned against the wall.
"I have something to tell you," he says.
"Uh oh,"
"That gets funnier every time," he said sarcastically.
"You're so sassy," you laughed but he shot you a look and you stopped real quick, holding in your laughter.
"What I was saying was, yesterday when I was inside making phone calls, I also signed up for an online, anonymous anger management class," he looked so proud of himself you could've cried right then. "And I looked for a therapist, I don't know, maybe you could help me out with that one?"
"Of course I will, I'm so proud of you."
"Good, I'm doing all of this for you."
You opened your mouth to scold him for his reasoning but he cut you off, "I know, I know", he threw his hands up in defense.
You smiled and hugged him, letting the water run over the both of you.
You got dressed after your shower and walked down the stairs, grabbing two Tylenol for each of you, washing them down with some Gatorade. You grabbed his sunglasses out of the key dish in the foyer for him, and he put them on before you opened the front door to inspect the damage. You walked over to some guy passed out in a lounge chair, shaking him awake and telling him he has to go home. He stumbled off, confused, as you laughed. You grabbed a trash bag from the shed and started collecting cups and other trash people left everywhere. 
“Babe, don’t worry about it. I’ll pay someone to come clean everything up.”
You laughed at him and shook your head, continuing what you were doing. He fell asleep with his head in his hands at the outdoor table. His tolerance must be significantly lower now that he’s clean off the hard stuff. You finished bagging all the trash and grabbed the hose to water Rose’s flowers when you heard someone yell your name from the driveway. 
“Wheezie? What are you doing home?”
“I got bored at Samantha’s,” she shrugged.
She took in the scene around her, bags of cups and Rafe asleep on the table, “You guys did have a party. And I missed it?” She scoffed in offense. 
“Trust me, Wheeze, you did not want to be around for last night. Too loud, too many people.”
“Yeah, I can tell you two had a good time, what the hell happened to your neck?” 
She poked at the hickeys on your neck as you tried to cover them with your hands.
“Nothing, Jeez Wheez. What happened to Rafe’s little sister?”
“So are you two back together yet or what? Because I’m calling it now, I’m being the maid of honor at your wedding.”
You laughed and shook your head, “I don’t know, I guess we are? We haven’t really talked about it being official.”
“Yeah, not much talking going on with you two, huh?”
You whacked her with your arm as you gasped. 
Rafe woke up at the sound of your gasp, “What? What’s wrong?”
“Your sister is too grown, that’s what’s wrong!”
“Whatever, I’m going to shower,” she laughed.
You walked over to Rafe and plopped down in his lap.
“Hi,” you whispered with a smile.
“Hi,” he replied, grabbing your hand and placing a light kiss on it.
“Rafe, what are we?”
“What?” he laughed.
“I mean, what are we?” you repeated.
“Man, you move a girl back to town, give her back her promise ring, and make sweet, sweet love to her all night, and all the sudden she expects a title out of it.”
You rolled your eyes as you giggled.
“Y/N, will you please be my girlfriend again?”
You bit your lip with a smile, nodding.
“I would like that.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, Rafe.”
He kissed you, cupping your face in his hands. 
“That’s cute,” Wheezie deadpanned, making you jump.
“What happened to getting in the shower Wheeze? You stink,” Rafe teased.
“I should be getting a thank you right now, maybe a ‘Wheezie you’re the best sister in the world and I’ll drive you anywhere you need to go for the next two years’. Y/N wouldn’t be back here if I didn’t call her.”
You shrugged looking over to Rafe, “She’s kinda right, you know.”
Rafe sighed, “Thank you Wheeze,” he mumbled, knowing he wasn’t going to win that argument against the two of you.
“When you’re done being disgusting with my brother, come upstairs, it’s time to wedding plan,” Wheezie said before walking back into the house.
“What?!” Rafe exclaimed as you laughed.
tag list: @user3737338292 @koalalafications @mutual-mendes @allthesefanfics @f4ll-for-you @colbysbrocks @writtenwordslover @bibliophilewednesday @tahliac11 @five-seconds-flat @palmwinemami @m-indkiller
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ivylefay · 8 months ago
Text
Do
do you
do you
do you perhaps
do you perhaps need a sec
a second
a second head to help with you out?
girls (gn) help i need assistance!!!
I promised a beloved mutual that I'd write a Ferrus Manus mpreg story (pls don't judge ive written way weirder shit for my own enjoyment) for their birthday but i have no idea where to start!
Can anyone who knows the character better help?
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majorproblems77 · 8 months ago
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Recalled update! So I am here to yell about it for 30 minutes thanks :)
*Scrambling to escape the void that has consumed me over the last few weeks.*
HI, ITS ME
Okay, so we've got a recalled update! Im very excited and have been pouring over this update for a while.
Uni is consuming my life haha.
they are headed towards the castle while having some very important discussions. Mainly, what on earth do we call you all. (Which in its own right I find amusing haha. )
Okay, time for the important things! Recalled and all panels belong to @recalled11 and its wonderful artist @l3ominor. Go check it out!
You can find the comic page here!
Now lets get started because if i dont scream about my blorbo in approximately 5 seconds I'm gonna die
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I love group photos of any Calabar, it's awesome to see them all together. And watching fabrics flow is detail that I am obsessed with thank you.
ALSO HIS WIFE AHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM
Its the blorbo, look at hims.
Also i love how chill he is about this. Like, 'oh more problems? Awesome, I needed something to do today' kind of vibe I love it.
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Sky's walking stick! I love how inclusive of all sorts of things this AU is i thoroughly enjoy it. He gives me the I can kill you with this walking stick, but also have you met my wife vibes and i love him.
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Time and Malon running off like this brings me great joy i love them.
And, sky. Are we talking about your journey or something else cause that's pretty ominous there. foreshadowing? Are we gonna get more about the past of these heroes at one point I'd love to know more about them.
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It is a massive Hyrule, espically when you think about just how long it takes to get across each of them in-game. Wild's game it actually takes so long to get across even just Hyrule field.
Time please step back from the edge you're giving me anxiety.
Also backgrounds my beloved. Beautiful i love them.
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PFFFFFFT
OMG
When i tell you i was laughing at this for a few minutes i mean it oh my god this is wonderful.
And Malon?! OMG
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I find this so damn funny. Its wonderful.
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Im so glad everyone is confused it makes this 10x funnier.
(You think when they get to know each other better he'll let Sky/Sun have a go? I would love to see that so much.)
Also seeing Wild smile, Like really smile. The boy deserves the world.
Im glad he's having fun. Its also great to see Zonai tech being used after the events of the 2nd game like this.
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Yes, let's step into the wooden box of who knows what together? It'll be fun! :D
Flower, you gotta remember that these people have never seen this sort of thing, please explain.
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Like you're doing right now flower? Like you're doing right now?
Everyone is so trusting of this box. I love it.
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Just gonna say how GENIUS this is? LIKE A LIFT USING ZONAI WHEELS
I LOVE IT
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This tells a lot
Sky is just impressed, look at how happy he is. Wonderful bean
Sun is hanging out, (Is she holding his hand? Thats cute) :D
Captain the professional as always.
Malon and Time are the absolute chaos of the group. Just look at them, Time has obviously never seen something like this and so him being the one who's like basically fallen over here makes so much sense.
Got me cackling again tho, I love this group of idiots a healthy amount.
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Them <3
I was thinking about it tho... And the sailcloths they are identical. And we know they are married...
What if the sailcloths are a sign of marriage in this universe? Why else would they both have the same one, down to the blue outline on the edge that is closest to them. Like you give your lover a meaningful symbol to show your love for them, and in Sky's case he made a sailcloth for sun after she made the one he's wearing for him during the events of Skyward sword.
I think its the same one because his one looks significantly bigger than hers, which to me tells of a practical use as well as a decorative or symbolic piece. 332
Like im probably reading too much into this but then again. They are so cute that they would actually do that.
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Captain pulling the absolute shenanigans of a group back on track. He is the brain cell of the group you can't change my mind.
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HE CALLS HER SUNSHINE AHHHHHH
I LOVE THEM
THESE TWO MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME
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Why is everyone in this comic so damn adorable okay, these guys are just cinnamon rolls who saved the world.
Just look at Time's face? You can't tell me he isn't the most cinnamon of the rolls.
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AWWWWWWWWW
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Have I mentioned how much I love Captain? Cause he is just so chill, but also professional. Professionally chill? Sure.
I can see a stressful situation coming up, and he just is the stoic leader who gets everyone in line and ready to fight the threat.
And flower, Who is just so sweet. I can understand not wanting to be referred to as princess now that their Hyrule is like how it is. I'm surprised this hasn't come up sooner. But it's cute.
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Oh the silent princess. How symbolic you are.
I know people are not really into the flower thing but I am, you think we will see some nightshade at one point?
The flower.
The 2 flower heads, one open, one closed, The blue into white. With the yellow detail. It's Flowers colour pallet to a T and I love it. Maybe as we progress through the story we will see pictures of the silent princess again but with a flowering bud or maybe if something bad happens a slightly sad looking one?
I am obsessed with symbolism, so if those become a thing watch this space cause I will be excited about it!
(In fact looking at it I think, the stem in the middle and the yellow on her clothes are colour-matched. A nice detail!)
Okay thats all from me! :D
Have a great day/Night!
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